#sorry oh my god this is so verbose.

[joeymets]

pinned post until i make a proper carrd or whatever else

❥ i’m fia, i’m 18, i use they/them! that’s already in my bio but i think it bears repeating B)

❥ this blog is my main! aka for general posts + homestuck/hiveswap content bc i have been doing that since literally forever and most of my followers/mutuals are from that

❥ @leonkuwatas is my blog for all other interest/fandom-related content! (other interests i have besides hs are mob psycho 100, chainsaw man, one piece, demon slayer, evangelion, YTTD, danganronpa, undertale + deltarune, DDLC, omori, ATLA + LoK, etc., so anything i rb that pertains to those goes there)

❥ hmm i don’t really know what else to say so i might add onto this later. i definitely have “dni criteria” but its pretty much nothing that isn’t already standard. feel free to ask/talk to me about anything pertaining to this if you want. 

❥ i don’t need anything tagged myself, and generally you prob shouldn’t rely on me to tag things if we aren’t friends or mutuals since it’s easy for things to escape my notice or memory

❥ never feel bad for doing things like tagging me in posts or messaging me or spam liking/going through my tags i very much appreciate it <3

[necrotic-nephilim]

What's so fun about BruJay as a ship is Jason's sheer obsessive devotion to Bruce. Jason is possessive over Bruce, to the point he doesn't care about the deaths of others so long as he has Bruce's attention. A part of the UTRH arc this isn't talked about enough is that Bludhaven fucking explodes mid-way and Jason won't let Bruce see if Dick is alive.

batman (1940) #650

A lot of discussion about UTRH paints Jason as this anger-driven cold, calculating machine up against Bruce when it's so clear that his love for Bruce is what drives him at his root, even if he won't acknowledge it. He says it himself, he would've done anything if it was Bruce who'd died instead of him and his anger is rooted in that possessive devotion not being reciprocated.

batman (194) #650

BruJay as a ship always to be, to some level, unrequited. Even if Bruce loves Jason back in that way, he'll never be that obsessed with Jason. Jason will always view Bruce's love for Dick or Tim to be a distraction, proof that Bruce isn't dedicated enough to him. Jason has the need to always have Bruce's attention, even when it could come at the cost of Bruce's other loved ones. Something something cannibalism as a metaphor for love in how Jason wants to consume Bruce's whole existence. He can't let Bruce leave him again, can't let Bruce love or grieve anyone else. Forcing Bruce to choose between Jason and the Joker isn't just about confronting Jason's killer, it's about confronting the other person who exists as this duality with Bruce and consumes so much of Bruce's life. That's the role Jason wants to fill, calling himself Red Hood and forcing Bruce to look at what he's become. But still loving Bruce and wanting more than anything for Bruce to reciprocate that love in the way that Jason understands. I just think it's good soup and rife with Dynamics that are underexplored with them.

[meguchi512]

assigning behaviors I've noticed in people to pjsk characters:

tsukasa: writes his name EVERYWHERE. his desk at school has "tsukasa" "tsukasa" "tsukasa" "tsukasa" written all over it, his notebooks too and even his classmates' notebooks (from a classmate)

shizuku: says "oh, madonna!" instead of "oh god" (from my italian grandpa)

saki: tsukasa rides a bike and saki sits on the handlebar & every time they have to stop they fall off but they just get up and go on like nothing's happened (from an old friend)

mizuki: accidentally sends "penis shaped messages" and immediately points it out (me)

ena: is so fucking done with mizuki's penis messages (my friends)

kanade: "uhh i think I'm forgetting something? oh well it probably wasn't important" hasn't drank water since yesterday (me again)

rui: extremely verbose, to the point where everyone around him thinks he's some sort of philosophical genius but in reality he's just saying dumb shit and articulating it intelligently (my italian grandpa again so sorry)

an: sends her friends "hot milfs in your area" messages pretending to be a bot because silly and immediately gets banned ( @robinoullea literally)

airi: wants to be supportive but types way too quickly ( @robinoullea trying to say "10/10")

emu: says the most deranged things in roblox chats and manages to not get censored while her friend (nene) can't even go one sentence without "########" ( @harukaisu )

nene, trying to tell tsukasa to reset his roblox avatar because he got stuck: uhhh kill yourself (me) (I'M SO SORRY)

minori: tries to download a pin and accidentally sends it to a random person and dies of embarrassment (everyone. no one is safe from Pinterest's AWFUL interface)

ichika: goes into a store. gets an ingredient. goes back home. goes back. gets an ingredient. goes back home. repeat until she's got everything to make dinner when it's already 11pm (my forgetful mom)

mafuyu: has the most DERANGED dreams I'm not even kidding ( @robinoullea when he had that one dream where he sent me a tiktok meme of Richard Watterson saying the names of popular pornstars with them flashing on screen for a second each. I've cried real tears about this btw)

kohane: has a chicken farm in minecraft but she's so attached to them that she can't kill any of them for food so they just keep reproducing and in turn the server keeps getting laggier. eventually a creeper explodes right next to it and she throws herself off a mountain (me)

haruka: uses the default pfp which is also the pfp that shows when you get blocked by someone. she also turns her phone off often (which causes messages to not get sent until it's on) so minori always panics and sends her messages to make sure she's not blocked (classmate)

akito: makes gagging noises on purpose because it makes ena gag too and get VERY annoyed and he finds it funny (classmate)

toya: unintentionally causes a lot of fights in vbs regarding what the best way to make coffee is (my whole friend group) (except me i do it on purpose)

honami: whenever someone tags her in l/n's group chat she heroically says "who calls for my help?" ( @robinoullea )

shiho: doesn't have the heart to tell honami how funny it is when she does that (not me i always make sure to mention it)

[rhytmrocket]

hey all! so that post about po ship names got more support than expected, and i see at least two people would like to know the names i've come up with. so, here are some of my better works!

note that i don't ship really any of these that much, mainly cuz the only ship ive definitively decided so far that yes this is my yaoi is kaijoe, and also because a portion of these are crack-ish ships that i haven't seen anyone ship like at all (although i haven't checked out po ao3 yet so some of these might actually exist and i just have a blind spot). so if that fact degrades the quality of the names for you, sorry i guess

bulldozer, for bull/sandman. coming from bull, and to "doze" is to fall asleep, and also bulldozer is a word. kinda surprised i haven't seen this ship around, to me it feels like at least someone would ship it.

chocolate milk, for bull/doc. chocolate for doc, and bulls are male cows and female cows produce milk. this is a ship i'm pretty sure exists, but i haven't seen a name for it yet, so maybe this is already an accepted ship name for it like with the glass cannon situation. who knows

bullrush, for bull/hondo. it's a pretty obvious name, but it sounds really good so it's staying here.

redbull, for sodabull. redbull is a carbonated energy drink, which is basically soda. also bull in the name. i know this is one of the bigger ships in the tumblr po fandom, and i cannot believe no one calls it this. i can't have been the first person to come up with this! but everyone calls the ship sodabull so i just gotta live with it but now i'm breaking my silence!! sodabull should be called redbull. i mean maybe not in tags cuz that could get it mixed up with the energy drink but like you know!

popstar, for soda/macho. pop from soda pop(inski), and star because macho is a hollywood star. i feel the exact way about this one as i do with redbull-- it's a good fucking name but i haven't seen any macho/soda shippers use it and it drives me nuts

russian roulette, for soda/aran. soda's russian, and aran has a theme of luck, thus roulette. i haven't seen this ship much recently but scrolling back a while on the soda tag shows that this ship has existed. and i have not seen it be called russian roulette. what is it with soda ships and not reaching their name potential?

piña colada, for hippo/soda. piña colada is an often-alcoholic drink (soda has references to alcohol, and also his name used to be vodka) with pineapple in it (hippo has a lot of connexions to pineapples). ok, this ship i have not seen anyone ship (yet). this name i really just randomly came up with, but i like it and i think it fits and sounds good

dragon dance, for dragon/heike. this is mainly a reference to the move from pokémon of the same name. i am just about certain this ship exists, but i just! haven't! seen it yet!

pizzapie, for pizza/clown. pizzas are sometimes referred to as pies, or pizza-pies, and clowns are known for throwing pastry pies as physical comedy. ok guys hear me out! uh! uh. ok i got nothing, this ship just entered my mind one night and hasn't left since, like a prophet recieving a vision from a god except the god is dionysus wasted off his ass.

spaghetti and meatballs, for pizza/ref mario. i have no explanation for this one. i am so sorry. idk why so many pizza pasta ships come into my mind, that fucker has 0 canon personality

pineapple-shaped disco ball, for disco/hippo. i think the name's pretty obvious. i uh once heard the word cluster "pineapple-shaped disco ball" and immediately thought "lmao that sounds like a ship name for disco kid and king hippo" and promptly put it on my note of ship name ideas. i really like it for them because it's verbose and clunky, it sounds like something their collective braincell and a half would come up with.

oh and! if a name i have here already exists, please do tell! especially if it's redbull or popstar, those two drive me mad. clown.

[hungry-skeleton]

eugggh, I don't like having to not send this on anon, but I don't want to be misinterpreted as just being that same guy defending their own points or whatever, but, dear god, I think there is a point to be made about wanting your art to be viewed, and some people feeling dejected when they can't actually get any audience for their work.

I know this is a valid and real feeling because I feel it all the fucking time. It sucks. I hate it. I truly wish I could understand how other people are able to just do art and not feel like they've wasted their time when no one acknowledges it. I want to do art for myself, but I've something like 5-7 different vent posts, and vented privately to various people about my struggle with it.

I think this feeling is a combination of many factors, some of which are likely psychological in nature, and I also think that it's a FINE thing to feel. It's fine to feel hurt when you don't get any recognition.

Anon's fucking problem is that they're asserting their feelings and their thoughts about art and the creation of it onto you, and projecting these feelings about how other artists feel.

I'm sorry you had to deal with someone like that, and I only come here to explain so that other people don't just write off people who feel these things (I'm looking at you other anon who called them lame and sad, and capitalist for some fucking reason???????)

I can't speak for everyone ever who has ever dealt with these sorts of feelings, but I do love art, and I love creating art, and I want to create so much art with as much care and depth and love as I feel towards it. But it is painful. It is painful every step of the way to make art. I recently described it as "peeling off [my] skin for others to wear".

But I still try. I still try to make art. I try to find ways to minimize that feeling. I try to do it as often as I am able to. And unfortunately, acknowledgement & recognition for my works does let me forgive the process. It makes that pain and suffering to create things worth it.

I hope that the anon who spoke to you was just bad at speaking and couldn't phrase this idea. I hope they're just misguided in assuming this is universal. And most importantly I hope in writing this overly verbose ask that people do not just overlook these feelings as "something only bad people who don't understand the point of art feel".

Once again, I'm sorry you had to deal with that anon, and I hope you have a wonderful day.

Oh, I absolutely feel that way all the time too. I just know it's not a rational thing to feel. The last thing I want is someone to try and enforce those thoughts as facts. The biggest challenge as an artist is overcoming those thoughts.

I understand what you're getting at dw 💚 but anon saying "you'll come around eventually" makes me feel like they were intentionally being a doomer lol

[dude-wheres-my-ankheg]

WIP Wednesday

(I was so slow to respond it is actually Wednesday again)

Thanks for the tag @ferindencadash!! (posting on the bg3 blog since its a BG3 WIP).

No pressure to join but tagging @insanefan, @sweetmage, @gothic-ivory, @tavyliasin, @hydropyro and anyone else who wants to play!!!

-----------

They all piled into the little blacksmith’s shop front, and immediately Lae’zel was at the counter, making requests that sounded like demands, as was her unfortunate way. Elorin was distracted looking at the wares as the woman behind the counter dove into her sales spiel. Lae’zel was just telling the poor woman to still her overactive tongue when Elorin finally turned his attention their way, ready to apologise on Lae’zel’s behalf (and likely meet the woman’s ire for it as usual), but his breath caught as he laid eyes on the shop keep.

She was a huge woman, plated in golden, glistening armour. That was not what had Elorin stricken though. The woman was a dragonborn. Utterly magnificent, a glorious reptilian snout with horns and spines decorating her skull. The most intriguing thing about her though was her scales – her incredible brass scales. His hand stopped halfway to his forehead, moving before he had even realised it.

The shopkeeper was halfway into her apology when her eyes fell on Elorin, and her shining amber eyes widened, jaw falling to expose her rows of pointed teeth.

“Your face!” she said, voice bright and full of wonder.

Elorin’s companions all cringed and sucked in breaths, ready for him to anger, but instead his face burst into a smile. Thank the gods she was the one to comment. He nodded, taking a step closer and all but elbowing Lae’zel out of his way.

“Look, just look!” the shop keep continued. “Are you a dragonborn? You don’t look like a dragonborn. And you’re so tiny! Oh, I’m sorry, I just mean-”

“It’s okay,” Elorin said, eyes wide with wonder as he peered up at her, a foolish open mouthed smile on his face. “Ava'yorn.”

Her already delighted face seemed to brighten further. “You speak the tongue?” she asked, her words in draconic.

“Not well,” Elorin said. “I was learning when...” He faltered a moment. “I lost my tutor.”

“You seem to speak it really well to me!” the woman said, and Elorin realised that he had been speaking it that whole time, and so was she. He floundered a moment, confused, but she carried on. “It’s great to meet you, I’m Exxvikyap!”

“Elorin,” he replied.

“You don’t look like any dragonborn I’ve ever met.”

“I’m a drow,” he said, before laughing a little bashfully. “Mostly.”

“A drow-gan!” Exxvikyap suggested and they both laughed. “A brass drow-gan too! The best kind, so I hear.”

He grinned. Her charm was infectious.

Lae’zel loudly cleared her throat next to them and Elorin caught himself.

“Oh, right,” he said, switching back to speaking common. It took more effort than he remembered. “Apologies. We were just talking.” He turned his attention back to Exxvikyap. “So you’re a blacksmith?”

She giggled, turning her snout to the side bashfully. “I wish. I mean, I hope to be. I work for Gyldro Angleiron. The Gyldro Angleiron. Just a shop assistant for now but one day an apprentice, I hope!”

Exxvikyap and Elorin began to excitedly converse about Exxvikyap’s aspirations, her words excited and swift, Elorin frequently interjecting with questions. The rest of the troupe watched with a growing sense of puzzlement.

“What is... happening?” Shadowheart’s lip was curled in utter confusion.

“I believe what we are witnessing,” Gale began as the pair babbled on before them, “is the convergence of two folk with ties to dragons, brass dragons to be specific, known very well to be, shall we say, rather keen to converse and somewhat verbose in their manner-”

Wyll stifled a chuckle. “Are we still talking about the dragons?”

Gale stopped mid word, a wry smile creeping onto his face as he gave Wyll a sidelong look. “There are people who travelled to hear my words, you know.”

“And those who travel to be rid of them,” Lae’zel said, though there was something like a smile touching the corners of her eyes. “And yet you follow.”

[shewhowas39]

sneak peek of chapter 30: "A Smaller God"

looks like chapter 30 of Juniper & Starlight will go up later today! and as mentioned, i'll be taking a short hiatus after this to give readers a chance to catch up and new readers a chance to dive in, since this chapter marks a shift in the narrative as we finally take on the goblin camp!

in the meantime, though, have a little preview. in which Astarion is a menace.

***

The leader of these ogres calls himself Lump, and he proves to be surprisingly intelligent and verbose compared to his companions.

“Am I not astonishing?” Lump boasts. “A robust diet makes for a shrewd mind, you see.”

June expects Astarion’s remark before she even feels him pressing through the tadpole connection.

“Perhaps that’s why you’re so smart, darling! Turns out there are benefits to cannibalism.”

June tries to shove him out of her brain, much to her tadpole’s displeasure. It always seems to wiggle when the connection is used, joyous about connecting with its siblings in a way that makes June uneasy.

“I am a gourmand,” Lump continues, looking at June. “And you are a delicacy.” 

“Oh, you have no idea how right you are,” Astarion says, aloud this time. 

Behind him, Shadowheart rolls her eyes. 

“I’m sorry to say, I ain’t got a brand,” June says. “But you say you ain’t loyal to the Absolute yourself? So maybe we can figure something out here.”

“I am, by all accounts, a student of higher commerce and extortion,” Lump says. “Make me an offer. Tempt me.”

“We have that in common, my gluttonous friend,” Astarion looks to June. “Allow me?”

June shrugs. “Go ahead.” It seems reasonable to let the magistrate handle this negotiation. Even if that magistrate is Astarion. 

She worries she’ll regret this decision when Astarion grins, fangs glinting in the sunlight, before he turns back to Lump.

[forcebookish]

thank you for tagging me, @ariadnekurosaki!!!

1 . How did you get into writing fanfiction?

uhh, when i was twelve i wrote horrendously bad self-insert inuyasha (and bleach?) fanfic on a now-defunct website that doesn't exist anymore lol since then i've bopped in and out of fandoms under different usernames across many platforms. often, i'll lose the muse in 2-3 year chunks, but get sucked back in for new fandoms.

except bleach. i always come back to bleach 😩

2. How many fandoms have you written in?

oh god, if we count dc, marvel, k-pop, and thai dramas (+rpf) as all their own respective fandoms (ie. not distinguishing between arrow, the flash, young justice, etc.), it's twelve - if we don't, it's almost thirty. a lot of my exo fanfics only reference other groups/solo artists, so i think that's too generous. the point is, it's a lot lol

3. How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

on and off since i was twelve (although when i was five i wrote a picture book about the disney princesses hanging out with me), but probably a total of 8 years actually active?

4. Do you read or write more fanfiction?

write more. i rarely read fanfiction unfortunately D:

5. What is one way you’ve improved as a writer?

i'm less verbose and my voice is cleaner.

6. What’s the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

quebecois sacres.

7. What’s your favorite type of comment to receive on your work?

when i make someone cry 😈 nah i really love detailed ones with quotations, ones that pinpoint exactly what parts hit them or meant the most to them. but tbh i love short keymashes too!

8. What’s the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

hmmm🤔 i don't think i write anything that out there... yet. i guess i like to write about psychic connections and niche super powers.

9. What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

ones with a lot of worldbuilding. and porn lol

10. What is the easiest type?

ones with a lot dialogue and character introspection.

11. Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

my office, the tv room, my bed, sometimes outside. i used to write in coffee shops, at the library, work (especially when i worked at the library lol) before the pandemic and i became a hermit. in gdocs, because i write on my pc, chromebook, and phone. all hours.

12. What is something you’ve been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

there's this one prompt from the bleach kink meme that i've been thinking about for ten years that has the potential to be really gross or really hot. or both. i might write it for the >5k au event in august idk

13. What made you choose your username?

lapmonster: my twitter username for a while before i decided to start posting on ao3 so i made my ao3 to match; it's a pun on rap monster. kairumption: when i started writing exo fic this was my livejournal url; another pun, it's kai + kyrumption (from angel). it's also where my nickname rum comes from. farewellswords: my twitter username changed from lapmonster in 2019 or 2020 because bts got too popular and army were accusing me of being a namjoon anti lmao; it's a chapter title from bleach.

probably should have kept kairumption as all of them, but i like farewellswords 🤷‍♀️ tbh it would have been my url here if an inactive acc didn't already have it. because, i mean, come on.

COME ON

okaaaay let's tag: @pomslices @retiredficwriter @komari-maxx @ellasaru12 @athousandbyeol @bytheforcebook and anyone else who wants to participate! :D sorry if i forgot you!

[luminousbeings-crudematter]

Hi lumi <3 sorry to hear you've got the flu but I hope you feel better! You just get Ghost's voice and character right and I wanted to know how you do this so well? In and out of the military setting, you just get it and I love reading whatever you write for him!

oh my god, this is so kind and I am beyond flattered??? flu-ridden lumi thanks you for the ego boost!

Re: Ghost's "voice." Hmm, I'm not really sure how it works myself, tbh. I obv have moments where I'm oscillating between would he say this? or would he speak at all? and I think it takes a fair bit of practice. I'm really glad you resonate with the voice I've chosen for him, but I think I've found it's more important to be consistent within the context you've set, more than anything.

For example, I don't think a verbose, expressive Ghost makes sense within what little we've seen in the canon, but at the same time, we see him be a little more open, a little funnier, when he lets his guard down. Both are equally Ghost, but the context is key.

I also read a lot of Ghost fics to help me re-contextualise, so that obv helps as well. If you're interested, I recommend authors like @/ceilidho, @/peachesofteal, @/kneelingshadowsalome, @/yeyinde and @/sprout-fics. They really have his voice down, but in any case, their works make for wonderful reading! In particular, I think Lev (@/yeyinde) nails Ghost's body language as well!

[gulliblelemon]

Hey hey 💜,

♡ SMALL THINGS: pick a fic and I’ll tell you my favorite minor detail from it!

♬ THEME SONG: pick a fic and I’ll share a song that reminds me of it (and why!)

✄ DVD BONUS: pick a fic and I’ll describe or write a deleted scene!

(for see you soon)

Hi Sophia! 🌻

♡ SMALL THINGS: pick a fic and I’ll tell you my favorite minor detail from it!

Hmm… it’s been so long since I wrote See You (Soon). But probably… Erik. He’s a bit more supportive that I thought he might be (even before s3), but I like how he was able to be a grounding voice for Wille, listening to him but also making him think about everything. He said the things Wille didn’t want to hear but probably needed to, whilst also being a horrendous tease.

♬ THEME SONG: pick a fic and I’ll share a song that reminds me of it (and why!)

Oh fuck. @iwouldnevergetintofanfic will tell you how rubbish I am at soundtracking. My brain is currently static and I can’t think of anything - sorry! 

It’d be great if someone else could jump in though, if someone else thinks “Oh my god I can’t believe you didn’t think of ___”

✄ DVD BONUS: pick a fic and I’ll describe or write a deleted scene! (for see you soon) 

I have lots of deleted scenes from this fic! (I’ve just checked - 34 pages 💀 - although most of that did make it back in in one way or another). I’ve shared a few before but I can’t remember which ones. Mainly because in earlier drafts I had them exchange contact details a lot earlier, which led to some wonderfully awkward text flirting. It was hard to get rid of that, but I preferred the tension of them not having really spoken to each other much. I’ll put a little snippet under the cut. 

(Side note: this is also the only fic I’ve ever started posting before it was fully finished. And the fact that it had the most scene changes shows how stressed I got with the idea that people already had some of the story and WHAT IF I NEED TO CHANGE SOMETHING?? I’ve never done it again since 😅)

Thanks for the asks! I hope you have a lovely day.

(I'm still answering these and these)

The next morning, Wille groaned himself awake and searched for his phone that he’d flung away from himself dramatically the night before. He held his breath for a moment before checking his notifications.

Instagram Simon Eriksson (@simmeee42) has requested to follow you. 1 new message

Wille moved quicker than he thought possible to scrabble his phone into his hands whilst sitting up. Unlocking it, he navigated to the Instagram app. He accepted Simon’s follow request and opened his messages, holding his breath.

Simon (23:46) Hi.

Wille stared at his phone. And then he stared at it some more. And then he clenched it so hard in his hand he was worried he’d snap it. 

Hi.

That’s all it said. Wille tried to read between the lines, but there weren’t really any lines to read between. Except. Simon hadn’t ignored him. If Wille was being honest with himself (which he rarely was), he had hoped that Simon would at least follow him back. But a message was more than he could ever have hoped for. Even if that message was not particularly verbose. It was an opening. And invitation to connect. A gesture that said I don’t mind talking to you some more and maybe even I don’t think you’re weird and awkward for seeking me out at two public events and then saying almost nothing. Hmm … maybe it didn’t quite say that last one.

[trappper-johnathan]

Hiiii! I love ur blog and I was just wondering who ur favorite mash character is and why :3

Omg hi thank you so much!!!

In my heart of hearts I gotta say Hawkeye. He's The Guy, y'know? His energy and mannerisms really capture me. He's making the most of what he can in a shitty situation and tries to help absolutely everyone he can. Now this is something most all the other characters do in some form or another, but like I said he's The Guy. And I think he's really handsome, which is also something I find the other characters to be, but there's something about him that makes me act unwise. Idk what it is. Alan Alda's swag maybe?

Now I must say, Trapper is a very close second! I mostly like him for the reason that Wayne left, which is that he's the Best Friend. Would I have loved him to stay and actually develop as a character? Yes. Do I like his role as hype man? Also yes. I just see myself in him. I didn't read the book, but I have seen a snippet or two that backs this up somewhat, and there's at least one instance in the show that implies Trapper was ready to just keep his head down and mind his business the entire war. Then along came Hawkeye who is so god damn loud and opinionated and action prone that he got sucked into his orbit and started following his lead instead. This is relatable to me. I consider myself a Best Friend Sidekick type of person. Quiet and supportive, but beloved. And because Trapper's character/personality is not as developed as the others', it's easy to put pieces of myself in him here and there, which just endears him to me more because he's Just Like Me For Real. ((Though this makes me nervous cause I'm constantly worried I'm going to get in trouble for misinterpreting him. I fear one of these days the "he would not say that" police are gonna get me...)) ALSO just the amazing AU my friends and I have concocted for him really beefed him up in my heart. Fox!Trap I will love you forever and ever and ever <333333

Feeling the urge to try and downplay myself by going, "Oh, boring answers, sorry it's not more interesting or verbose," BUT NO! You asked who my favorite is, and here they are! I love them! I may not be able to express it in as much breadth as others are able, but my love and appreciation of them is real! It's just that the most I'm able to convey usually is summed up by these:

༼⁠;⁠´⁠༎ຶ⁠ ⁠۝ ⁠༎ຶ⁠༽ (⁠人⁠*⁠´⁠∀⁠｀⁠)⁠｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+ (⁠ノ⁠｀⁠Д⁠´⁠)⁠ノ⁠彡⁠┻⁠━⁠┻

I'm so glad you like my blog!! Thank you again, I really appreciate you!!!! (⁠ʃ⁠ƪ⁠＾⁠3⁠＾⁠）

[nfumbewalk]

Well, I Never!

My Sour Jars are back at my store for $5. Tell me what you need and I'll work my jar for you!

Well guess what...I lost a follower. I only notice because I don't have many yet. I know who it was & probably why. Lolz! The remark made by my muerto, Rodolfo, about his opinion on the term "Latinx." It's not my opinion! I don't give a fuck. Rodolfo just basically said it was "fuckin dope" as in stupid. He prefers Hispanic, Latino or even Mexican. His favorite freaking colors are of the Mexico flag! Haha. I said he is old school but forgot to mention he was also military - Army. That makes a man very different, in my experience.

My husband, Tom, was an Army paratrooper in the 82nd Airborne. Yeah - not a leg. Makes a man an entirely different breed. I'm not dismissing women, but I only speak of what I know. I've had close guy friends who went to the first Iraq war. It's something you just don't ask about. Anyway...why are "dark" dudes such pussies? Jesus, that's all I've encountered. Dated ONE & he was 12 years older than me. Such a whiny little bitch, and he was military too! Well, he was Navy - if that counts. Lol! Joking! Just funning. Guess he left his balls on a ship in Spain. Roflmao! 😂 Sorry, there's tons of joking between branches of the military. It's great.

Am I always this way? Yep, get used to it or move on. Not many people like me or accept me because I *upset* them. Waa! Lol. Actually, I'm very demure and polite in real time situations. I just let all my demons out online. I ended up like most women in my family - no lady friends but I sure love dudes! They love me too. I love cars, especially old ones & I can talk about them. I like guy stuff. I grew up around lots of men & cars. Heh. I'm just an Oregon bumpkin. Not! Unfortunately, my hometown is PDX. Ugh!! Portland is a shit hole & even though my dad died last year, I'm so glad he doesn't live in that horrible place anymore. His ashes are here in Eugene with me.

Anyway, so some dark vampire/werewolf stopped following me. I'm just posting this in case he (I can't remember his pronouns!) comes back. 😅 Am I evil? Yes I am...so the old Metallica song goes...\m/ If ppl don't like my writings here, lemme know and I'll cease & go back to WordPress. My ppl there really love me warts & all. And my audience is older, like me. I'm very middle aged. I do have lots of things to share if you can stand my vernacular, writing style and sarcasm laced words. And obscenities.

I am good at not swearing though - I never, ever said a curse word around either one of my parents. Not once. I respected them. My mom was very hard. My dad was my world. Oh goddamn it! I don't have my Jet bracelet - it broke and my new one is in the mail! I wear Jet for grieving. It helps me not cry about my dad. It works well. Wear Jet if someone close to you passes away. The Victorians were correct! Not French Jet though!! That's nothing but black glass. I'll show you all my 104 year old French Jet necklace. I use it for channeling. Works great for being glass. Don't be fooled on Etsy with high prices unless it's old like mine.

Sorry, I'm all over the place, verbose and sped. Had a weird conversation with Yemanja earlier...don't know what to think. These changes swirling around are making me a little confused. I'm too old for this shit. Makes me just want to do nothing but my Muerteria. Use my cauldrons as vessels, perhaps. Not like Palo though, but kind of...I have been thinking, well, I need religion/spirituality, right? Now, I have no fuckin clue. Nada. Dunno. Roger that, Dahmer. 💀 I have always thought, need a god/ess, demon, etc. Maybe I don't. I really love my mother's though. 💖 They aren't a religion. Just stay away from the ATR folks. Lol. See, confused. We shall see & very soon. My dedication to Yemanja is five days away. A lot can change...I'll be doing divination, looking for signs & omens - anything. If anything breaks, burns, disappears, floats in mid-air - I'll be watching extra close! I'm freakin now!

Gotta run! 💖💀💖

[strayguitarist]

☕🧃🍜🍉🥦🎉🎲🏐🐈‍⬛🌻🌧️🌍😊😈👥🖥️🎬📚🎶

Isn't this cheating? Whatever, let's go. Favorite hot drink: Persian cardamom tea with a few sugar cubes. Nostalgic and comforting.. Favorite cold drink: Mountain Dew White Out. They don't really sell it anymore, but god it's peak. Dish: Soltaani. A Persian dish, one barg kebab and one koobideh kebab served with basmati rice, a grilled tomato and sometimes salad Shirazi! We just.. make the best food. Hands down. If you ever get the opportunity to try Persian food, do not turn it down, you'd miss out on the best experience of your life. Fruit: Me, obvs. Okay but probably red pears!! Veggie: uh.. oh gods.. that's tough.. Potatoes??? Potatoes. Mmm... Holiday: Shaab-e Yalda, Halloween, and Bonfire Night are my favorites, in that order. Hard to pick just one, so there's my top 3! Game: Fuck. This is far too broad for me to pick, so I'm going to specify video games, and say Splatoon 2 and its Octo Expansion. That's the only game I got so into that I went to official sanctioned tournaments, and my god the story and setting of Octo Expansion still rings in my head as it did the day I finished it. Runners up include RockBand 3, Pokemon Silver and TF2.

Sport: Football! Er, soccer. It's very very popular back home, and it's the only physical sport that I got into growing up. I'd probably try it again if trans-friendly groups existed..

Animal: Me! Okay, rats. I adore rats so so much and I miss having them and they go "sqk sqk chitter" and give you licks n kisses and ask for attention and cuddle so good and aaaAAAA!!! in second place is the animal my sona is based on, the Asiatic Cheetah

Flower: IDK if it counts as a flower, but the pitcher plant is my favorite. God they're so cool, a carnivorous plant!! If I absolutely have to pick a flowering plant, Atropa Belladonna, also known as "Deadly Nightshade." God the flowers are beautiful, and it's poisonous!

Weather: Rain. I adore when it's raining so hard that you can't see past your face, I love hearing it pitter patter against all the surfaces around me, I love the smell that rises from the ground, I love the way life slows down for it.. Place: Home. Iran. Shiraz, specifically. Nobody is surprised. Blorbo: Ah.. What's a blorbo? Kind of favorite character from a franchise, I think? That doesn't make it much easier, though.. Probably Moxxie from Helluva Boss. Please don't hate me for this. Meow Meow: WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? Unless you just want me to... Mrrowr~! Nyaa~... Mrrrr.. Meowwr! Prrrh....

OTP: Not sure if I'm 100% on what this means but I think it's about ships, and my favorite ship is Aziraphale and Crowley from Good Omens. IDK how much it counts considering how verbosely that dynamic is actually written into the show, like. Part of the plot is them exploring their romantic feelings. But y'know. If they don't count, then it's Pearl and Marina from Splatoon hehehe TV Show: Good Omens. No contest. Movie: Everything Everywhere All At Once, Scott Pilgrim VS The World and Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog all share my favorite spot. Sorry, can't pick one - management told me it's not allowed. Management is my fucked up brain, btw. Book: I AM A LIBRARY EMPLOYEE I CAN'T PICK A FAVORITE BOOK! ARE YOU INSANE?! But if I had to, it'd probably be Vinland Saga, the manga. I guess that's more of a book series, but whatever. Holy shit it's absolutely amazing. Few things make me feel as hard as that has. Musical artist: I AM A BASSIST I CAN'T PICK A FAVORITE MUSICIAN! ARE YOU INSANE?! But I can give you a top 5 in no particular order? Metallica, Lemon Demon, Mindless Self Indulgence, Jonathan Coulton, The Birthday Massacre. This was so hard to pick even just 5, but those are probably my biggest favorites.

You probably thought you were so clever for picking me so many and making me ramble about myself. Little did you know I love talking about myself, because I'm the best. Hah. thank you for asking me things I appreciate it I was worried nobody would I mean, I'm so cool.

[davidxjonathan]

If I could draw I’d add some fun increasingly verbose pictures to this but oh well, my talents are small and my motivation to work on them even smaller. Sorry God, I’ll do better after exam season is over

(this this education system is so fucked, communist revolution now please)

[titoist]

hmmm. now i can't comment/write down/explore a personally-adjacent matter without interrogating myself regarding whether it's too personal, too revealing, Not Congruous with what i've said before. so let's maybe do away with that instinct... that instinct of attempting to cultivate a particular projection, in one way or another. lemme see here. i mentioned, in an earlier post, a sort of... "pseudo-intellectual character" that i inadvertently crafted for myself as my desire for approval slowly unraveled like a ball of hypertensive yarn, sort of a... passive consideration in how i wanted to project myself to others, how i wanted to be seen, an almost childish desire to be smart and cool. & i guess that this initially started with a very slow trickle. perhaps a post or two. maybe a purposefully verbose personal analysis here & there. but before i knew it, the standard of how i wanted to get across was growing & growing. and what's tricky is that, at a point, if you go back on it, it seems jarring - if i admitted to having lame, crude interests at this point then that would be totally conflicting with my conduct up to now! i'd look silly! - it serves as its own justification for playing out, it reinforces itself & provides its own authority by virtue of its very existence... it spirals with the same fervor & horrifying descent as someone who keeps lying in more extravagant ways to cover up an initial lie. and since the standard keeps rising & rising, you have to keep pulling deeper & deeper into yourself, getting more & more personal, looking and scratching and clawing and so on. & so i end up in the situation where almost all of my posts are about extremely viscerally unpleasant personal insecurity, completely erasing any & all personality, making it seem like i have no interests or traits outside of that... & what's frightening is that you almost succeed in convincing your own self that you don't. even now, it's telling me to cease, since it feels that i'm permanently 'destroying the illusion' in some way... even though that's the point. WHAT A NIGHTMARE! i'm quite very sorry for the past... god, half a year of this? i think that the last time i felt totally separate from this type of instinct was last december, maybe up to february or so... i'm sure that it's not been very nice to watch the personal equivalent to a car speeding into a wall at 450mph in slow motion. or a very protracted train crash. well, that's that. i'm gonna go do something superfluous & fun & boring & crude in rebellion. & even if it's only one or two of those things, i'll be telling myself that it's all of them. maybe i can start a new playthrough of cruelty squad? oh, that'd be fun.

[meta-squash]

Brick Club 1.4.1 “One Mother Meets Another”

This Book title really gets me. “To Trust Is Sometimes To Surrender.” Which, I don’t know, feels really helpless. And helpless in a way that could be prevented, too, if there had just been more questions asked or something, maybe. Probably not. But poor Fantine, and poor Cosette, being forced into trusting people who take advantage of everyone they see.

The first thing that we see of the Thenardiers is nothing at all to do with Fantine’s storyline, but everything to do with Marius’. The Sergeant Of Waterloo sign, with its bad painting (I love Hugo’s sassy “on which something was painted”).

But it’s not the sign that makes Fantine stop, but a huge cart with an enormous chain. The Robb biography says that the cart visual was something Hugo saw as a child while he was crossing the border at Saint-Jean-de-Luz while returning to France from Spain. The cart and its chain are symbolism of both an obstacle and a veiled threat. It “might have been mistaken for a giant gun-carriage” and is “crushing” and “hideous.” The way Hugo describes the mud coating the lower half of this cart makes it sound like it’s slowly being covered by a yellow disease. Also, this is the second instance of chain imagery in as many chapters. We also get more imagery of obstruction a few paragraphs later.

Hugo makes it really obvious that this cart is here as an obstruction, literally and figuratively. The figurative is twofold. It is metaphor for the obstruction that the Thenardiers become for Fantine, taking all of her money and lying about Cosette in order to do it, making it impossible for her to stay afloat at Montreuil-sur-Mer. He also uses it to critique the “old social order.”

“Why was this vehicle in this place on the street? First to obstruct the lane, and then to complete its work of rusting. In the old social order we find a host of institutions like this across our path in the full light of day, with no reasons for being there.” Hugo’s critique of the “old social order,” which I’m assuming is the empire.

There’s so much symbolism in the young Eponine and Azelma swinging on the chain. They are swung back and forth by their mother, a symbolism of their own future, akin to the image of Fantine as the horse. They’ll be tied to Mme Thenardier and used by her in the future. Not only that, but the chain is huge enough to be reminiscent of the chains of the bagne; prison is a constant threat to them once they reach Paris. “Above and around the delicate heads, steeped in joy and bathed in light, the gigantic hulk, black with rust and almost frightful with its tangled curves and sharp angles, curved like the mouth of a cave.” What intense symbolism for the darkness and struggle that awaits them in Paris in the future.

“A mother, seeing this frightful chain, had said, ‘Now there’s a toy for my children!’“ First of all this feels like a sassy critique of Mme Thenardier’s parenting decisions. But it’s also a hint at their poverty and debt despite the nice clothing. Instead of tying a rope to a branch or something, the decision to turn a huge hulking terrifying chain into a swing for two tiny children...it’s just a lot.

God, the drastic difference between Cosette’s description and Fantine’s description. Cosette is all beauty and light. She’s “charmingly rosy” She’s dressed in linen and lace. Fantine’s description begins with a question mark. “She was young--pretty?” In 1.3.3, Hugo specifically points out Fantine’s “fine teeth” and her long, blonde hair as points of her beauty. Here, she has her hair wrapped up in a tight cap fastened under her chin, and she never smiles. She looks upset and ill and hard-worked. Lines are forming on her face and her skin is calloused. From here on out her beauty is either a small physical remnant or is purely an inner beauty.

What’s the kerchief fold for invalids that Hugo talks about? Does anyone have an image of that? Also why would invalids fold a kerchief over their chest? Is it the blue kerchief specifically that’s used by invalids, not the fold style?

So if it was August last chapter, it’s June now. If it was December-ish (from the sunset at 4:30 thing) then it’s October. If they’re outside playing on a swing, it’s probably more likely that it’s June. Hugo really just does not care about telling us the time of year unless it is Symbolically Important.

The friendship between Fantine and the rest of the grisettes was tenuous at best, manipulative and cruel at worst. But Hugo implies that none of the other grisettes stayed together either. They “no longer had any reason to be friends” despite suffering the same let down--only the others expected it and Fantine didn’t. And the men probably not only remained friends long after, they probably also made connections and used each other to gain social points and climb the ladder.

“Led by her liaison with Tholomyes to disdain the simple work she knew how to do, she had neglected her opportunities; now they were all gone.” This makes me think that for the two years she was with Tholomyes, she wasn’t working and he was supporting her and the child? Is this how it would have been? Or perhaps she was working, but other, better, more steady opportunities came up and she didn’t take them because of Tholomyes. Either way, her relationship with Tholomyes has fucked her over so many different ways. She doesn’t have a job should could have had, she has a child she can’t take care of, and she has a broken heart.

It’s also a huge clue to how little Fantine seems to know about how any of these affairs work and what’s going to happen to her that “she had a vague feeling of being on the brink of danger, of slipping into the streets.” The other grisettes kept their affairs very shallow, probably because of how acutely aware they were of how much power these men had over their lives and what a mistake could cost them. It’s why the lack of a parting gift in the last chapter was a huge let down for them--they probably should have gotten something expensive to make up for all the lost hours of work--but not as huge as it was for Fantine, who had already made that mistake.

“One day, Fantine heard some old women saying as they saw her child ‘Do people ever take such children seriously? They only shrug their shoulders at them!’ Then she thought of Tholomyes, who shrugged his shoulders at his child, and who did not take this innocent creature seriously, and her heart turned dark at the place that had been his.” Such a short series of lines on such a heavy realization. This is one of the reasons the English lyrics to I Dreamed A Dream irritate me so much. Before she even leaves Paris, Fantine’s heart has hardened to Tholomyes. She doesn’t yearn for him at all; from that point on her focus and love is purely about her child. She’s also angry here. She gets the message at this point and she’s upset about it. There’s also the double meaning of “who did not take this innocent creature seriously.” This line could be about Cosette, but it could also easily be about Tholomyes’ treatment of Fantine for the past two years.

“She had made a mistake, but, deep down, we know she was modest and virtuous.” Okay, Hugo, but what about other women who make mistakes? Are they not modest and virtuous? If they’re not, do they get different treatment? Again, back to his weird arguments from 1.3.2, about how “poverty and coquetry are fatal counselors” and how fallen woman are different from modest women, but also it’s society’s fault that they’re bad. I don’t know, Hugo seems to be confused in his moral opinions when it comes to this stuff.

(The more I learn about his youth while reading this biography, the more this kind of stuff makes sense. The “fallen women are bad” seems to be the kind of opinion he had in his youth, and the “it’s a societal problem” is an elder Hugo opinion. The two thoughts are kind of duking it out in these descriptions of working women.)

“We will see that Fantine possessed a fierce courage.” We get Fantine’s strengths in pieces: she is wise in that she notices things other people don’t notice, she possesses a fierce courage, and she has her capacity to love Cosette completely and sacrifice everything for her. This is also the second time we get a description of her as “fierce,” the first being in 1.3.4. Fantine’s courage and specifically her fierceness come out even more later on. We get the impression that had she lived in better circumstances, she would have been a force to be reckoned with. Again, I’m still reading this Graham Robb biography of Hugo, but the descriptions of Fantine’s characteristics remind me of a sort of ragged description of what Hugo’s mother seemed to be like.

“The woman had nothing in the world but this child, and this child had nothing in the world but this woman.” This just made me really sad because when Fantine goes to Montreuil-sur-Mer, she will have nothing in the world but Cosette. But Cosette won’t even know she exists.

We then learn about the fate of Tholomyes, similar to that of Bamatabois. Hugo has such an interesting perspective on law and lawyers. His characters that go to law school and complete it are all rich assholes who use their power and connections for pleasure and to ruin the lives of those in classes beneath them. Those who don’t complete due to other personal circumstances (Bahorel, Bossuet) or due to death (most of Les Amis) are the opposite. I’m wondering if this is commentary on law in general. Knowing it academically but not falling into the comfort of taking advantage of it, by leaving it instead? We don’t know what happens to Marius after Valjean’s death but I wonder if he would keep his more generous nature or fall prey to the bourgeois/Ultra personalities that hover around Gillenormand.

“The presence of angels is a herald of paradise.” An interesting sentence and description considering the ominous descriptions of what they’re swinging on. There are just so many ominous signs here amidst all the beauty of children and sunlight. You just want to yank Fantine back and go “Wait! Stop! Pay attention! Look at all the badness!”

Mme Thenardier gets so many animalistic descriptions. M Thenardier is later, in Paris, described as a wolf. Mme Thenardier gets she-wolf then, as well as sow and tigress. Here she gets  “that animal yet celestial expression peculiar to motherhood.” (An interesting description considering Fantine is also a mother, but her expressions are tender and passionate.) There’s also, “The most ferocious animals are disarmed by caresses to their young,” which is such an ominous sentence. Mme Thenardier’s cruelty is different from her husbands. His is greedy, hers is jealous. There’s also the moment where Hugo says “she sang between her teeth,” a visual that reminds me of a growl. So many threats in her description, and Fantine doesn’t notice any of them, because Mme Thenardier is sitting down, and that makes her less threatening. Plus her reading of trash romance novels makes her docile, relaxed and coy, which apparently hides this animal underneath.

“A person seated instead of standing: Fate hangs on just such a thread.” This is such a huge aspect in this book, summarized in such a short line. Time and place is so important in this novel, for everyone. So much of this novel is hinged on someone happening to be in the right place at the right time (or the wrong place at the wrong time) or happening to recognize someone, or happening to do or fail to do something that totally changes the course of everything around them.

What’s up with Cosette and flies? Here she’s digging a grave for a dead fly, and later she has a tiny lead sword that she uses to cut the heads off flies. Is this just a little kid characteristic that Hugo noticed in his own grandchildren and decided to include, or is this symbolism of some sort that I’m missing?

I’ve heard that Fantine (read: Hugo) gets from Euphrasie to Cosette from “Chosette” which means “little thing.” Is that true or is that just someone making stuff up? If it is true, I can’t help the amusing thought that Cosette’s name is then basically “Sproglet” but in French. Also the “Josefa into Pepita” is maybe a reference to Pepita, the Marquesa de Montehermoso, who Hugo met when he was about 10 and she about 16. I couldn’t find anything about Francoise into Sillette, except that Hugo’s own son was called Victor-Francois? And nothing at all on Theodore into Gnon.

The moment Cosette leaves Fantine’s arms to go play with the other girls, Fantine ceases to be Fantine and instead becomes “the mother.” She is “the mother” for the rest of the chapter. She loses her selfhood the moment she loses Cosette. From that moment on, to the Thenardier’s at least, she’s just the mother of this child they have to deal with, the mother that they can suck money from whenever they want.

“It would be odd if I left my child naked.” This is such a weird line. I feel like this goes in line with interpreting Fantine as autistic. The Thenardiers are asking pretty obvious leading questions about money and costs and then about clothes. But Fantine doesn’t pick up at all on the weirdness or the sinister nature of their questions; she just thinks it’s weird that they might assume she’d leave her child without clothes.

“You’ve build a good mousetrap with your little ones” “Without even knowing it.” The adult Thenardiers fall into this over and over again. Often opportunities fall into their lap when they’re least expecting it; they plan using the new knowledge (as with getting money for young Cosette or attempting to kidnap Valjean) or they just run with it (as with meeting Valjean in the sewers). Sometimes they plan things, like with M Thenardier’s letters attempting to garner fake charity or patronage. But most of the time it seems like they just wait for a random chance and then jump on it. Which seems far more successful than any of Thenardier’s business endeavors, which is maybe why he ended up in such debt in the first place.

This entire scene feels very fae, very evil trickster-like. A lure or trap (the children), a false reassurance (Mme Thenardier) and the real evil not revealing itself until much later (M Thenardier). You just want to call out to Fantine and warn her of the danger that she doesn’t see. But it’s all hidden in a fae glamour, making everything look sweet and safe and beautiful, and she doesn’t notice all the sinister, ominous things in the corner of the eye because everything else is so bright and angelic.