#sorry this post doesn't have a point its more of a note to self

[adhd-merlin]

I was reading the episode of the knighting of Galahad in Keith Baines's rendition of Le Morte d'Arthur and a detail that caught my attention was that, when Lancelot asks if it is Galahad's desire to become a knight, it is the nuns that answer first, "and Galahad assented."

I found it so fascinating that I went to check the wording in Malory's original text – only to find that it's not what it actually says, since in the original version "he [Galahad] and they all [the nuns] said yea", which I think is quite different from Baines's rendition.

Anyway, since I was now curious, I went to check how the same episode is described in The Vulgate and the Post-Vulgate, and I discovered Galahad's involvement and degree of "enthusiastic consent" varies.

Here are the excerpts from the different texts:

— Keith Baines's rendition of Le Morte d'Arthur

Sir Launcelot beheld the young squire and saw him seemly and demure as a dove, with all manner of good features, that he weened of his age never to have seen so fair a man of form. Then said Sir Launcelot: Cometh this desire of himself? He and all they said yea.

— Le Morte D'Arthur: Book 13, Chapter 1

In the Vulgate, Galahad is described as a child; it is the nuns that pray Lancelot to knight him, and Lancelot tells them that he will not deny "their request". Here Lancelot doesn't bother asking Galahad what he wants:

— The Vulgate, The Quest for the Holy Grail

In the Post-Vulgate, Lancelot asks Galahad if he truly wants to be a knight, and Galahad "answers enthusiastically":

— The Post-Vulgate, Part II

It's a small detail but it has interesting implications about Galahad's agency in his own destiny.

[halo-chainsaw]

Shut up i'm talking patreon only 7$!!!!!

The patreon podcast is out, and I have just finished listening to it!

I decided to write down some notes for those who are interested but do not have the patreon. It's a long one, but I picked out what I thought would be important + silly moments here n there

Podcast is recorded the morning of Dream's video (I'm sorry but not to Tommyinnit)

Tommy called his mom about the situation first, discussing about how it was awful (pre reddit post)

Harry wrote the "you can call me anything but do not call me poor" LOL

Tommy didn't watch the dream stream but read a synopsis, and he said that was enough

He's spoken to Dream privately several times (starting 2023), all his friends told him that dream was taking advantage of him, but he wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt

He has told dream to change how he acts, and dream has refused. Has had conversations like this multiple times.

Told dream in a conversation he was no longer speaking to him and was no longer talking to him after he talked to his mom. Was previously ignoring him but blocked him outright.

After his dream v quackity sketch dream sent him awful and mean messages.

Jack and Tommy are pissed off about people saying to "resolve it privately". They have tried multiple times to solve things privately, but Dream will take things public.

Jack had a 2 hour long call with dream on jack's DADS BIRTHDAY??? and it was about why he didn't like dream, and about dream's allegations.

the "Jack mentions Dream" account bothers Jack since its a bunch of indirect things, and him responding to messages rather than him just bringing Dream up.

Dream says Jack spreads rumors about him.

Jack does not think dream is a p*dophile, but he finds the situation(s) he was in wildly inappropriate.

Dream showed everyone his evidence against the grooming allegations in the DreamSMP discord. Jack said he told Dream it weirded him out, because either way, he was still messaging a fan, and it pissed Dream off.

Jack flat out calls Dream "stupid".

He's very pissed about the "unfaithful" rumor, and he's very vocal about it for a minute.

Jack reiterates the editor story with the 50 quid

They point out how the Dream ignores the George and Caiti situation, along with clipping Tubbo out of context.

"I can't believe he thought he could win by just lying. Especially when you've got a reputation of lying." -Jack (paraphrased/two different sentences put together)

Tommy says the video were for him, not everyone else. Makes a jab about Dream unable to use media literacy.

Tommy says Dream knows what he's talking about when he refers to misogyny. That there's so much more behind the scenes, that it's miserable.

Tommy says he doesn't want to do any of this anymore, that it's pointless. He says Youtube doesn't make him happy, that he doesn't fit in, and he wants to be done. He will still be posting to Youtube because he loves making videos, but he doesn't want to be part of the Youtube sphere/culture. He wants to be a proper comedian.

"I might as well go down sayin' what I fuckin' mean." -Tommy

brings up the "putting others down", Tommy reiterates how he's been very kind/warm to everyone, but if someone famous is being an asshole he's gonna make a joke about it. "That's what I've done with Logan, done to you, and what I'm going to continue to do."

Tommy calls him one of the most self indulgent and exhausting people he's ever met.

Brings up Dream calling him the internet police, he says that he's just sick of the bullshit. "When I see it, say it."

Tommy reiterates he can't do this much longer, that it's all pointless. Dream is just doing what he's been doing for years. He is not proud of dream and he doesn't respect him. Tells him straight to "Fuck off".

Tommy would talk to Jack, unsure if what was happening with Dream was odd/bad or not. He's a little relieved that it's in the public eye now.

Jack talks about how everyone on the server is talking against him, that no one is defending him. They've all known he's awful.

Tommy says he felt close to Dream, so he struggled with seeing the bad actions he had done. He felt skewed/manipulated.

Tommy tells a story about back when he was 14, he would annoy people in Hypixel by lobby spamming. One day he heads into a streamer's chat that he looked up to and said hello. the streamer, who was about 20 at the time, tore into him, calling him the R slur and many other horrible things. He said he felt heartbroken and shaken up. "Shit like this just happens along the way, and it's miserable, but like- for me, I just keep remindin' myself "this isn't the first time I've done this"."

Jack tried to make his disassociation as public as possible, he had told Dream to his face (during the allegations) in the DreamSMP discord that he did not want to be associated with him anymore.

Talks about how people still group DreamSMP members with Dream, and how they think every member is bad due to Dream's actions, and he's tired of it.

He doesn't like how public everything is, but he's glad people can finally see that they don't like Dream.

Tommy, from now on, is telling everyone how he feels. He's going to be blatant. (if that's what i understood from a comment he made)

Jack is still shocked that Dream chose that moment of all things to jump in. They have made comments here and there but Dream never said anything.

Jack talks about a part in his stream where he says something along the lines of "I'd understand this type of outburst if we had been bullying im for weeks and weeks. But we haven't been. Nor would that make it okay." And then someone on twitter said "Jack just admitted that they'd been bullying Dream non stop for weeks and he's proud of it!!!!" Jack says he can't believe people's ability to misinterpret.

Tommy saw Tubbo dissecting Dream's stream for 7 hours and knew that was the point it was becoming ridiculous.

Jack blatantly calls out how Dream uses manipulation tactics in how he speaks to the public. Tommy calls it painful for him to watch because it's what Dream had done to him and others in private.

Jack goes back to Dream's stream, talking about their phone call together, about how it was disingenuous and weird to bring up publicly. He says there are things he can't talk about publicly that formed his opinion.

"I just think he's like an impossibly self-indulgent, selfish man, who thinks everyone's on his own time." -Tommy

Jack thought Dream was purposefully being negligent in the way he would speak, and while he still is, he is seeing that a lot of it also comes from Dream not being able to pick up on social cues and norms. Though, he also reiterates that it doesn't excuse his awful behavior.

"I don't get how he can't listen to anyone else." -Tommy

Both of them have talked to Dream multiple times about how he acts and he never listens. Not even just them, they say "We all have really tried", which implies more members of the SMP or other personal friends.

"He doesn't seem to feel very much empathy for the pain he's caused, and if I was in his shoes- I don't know where his guilt is." -Tommy

They talk about his inability to apologize and how they can't understand it. Tommy gets a little heated. Dream has given them empty apologies and goes to do the same things again. They talk about how he doubles down over and over until no one sides with him, that's when he apologizes.

Jack calls Dream dismissive, and how its obvious that he doesn't care.

Tommy implores the audience to not imagine these dramas as Youtubers doing it, but to imagine their friends doing these things. Youtubers are not above others, there's no difference. The only difference is responsibility.

Jack points out how it's odd that they decide to post these things. It shows that they just double down on their awful actions.

Tommy ends by saying he doesn't want to continue this, but if there are things that need to be said then they will be, but on the Patreon.

Jack says he is done as well, that he's done with all his serious points, but he will be making jokes here and there. He won't be joking about rumors, but things that actually happened.

"Anyway, back to writing!" "Guys, let's all get back to coding."

[niningtori]

make you cry | part three: hyuka's ending

part one | part two: beomgyu's ending

pairing: hueningkai x you, past beomgyu x you

summary: after your falling out with beomgyu, kai becomes your new best friend as you spiral out of control. his actions may not be completely platonic, though.

genre: angst, romance, smut (mdni), best friends to lovers

warnings: smut (mdni), unprotected sex, creampie, dom!hyuka, oral (f. rec), dirty talk, praise, choking (sorry), possessive!kai, just some really sweet sex if u ask me, pregnancy kink

word count: 3.9k

notes: y'all... ik i said this would come out on my bday (which is exactly 2 weeks from now hehe) but i couldn't help but post it as soon as i finished it... lord knows i'm impatient. anyway, i said this would probably never exist but since ppl were asking for it, as the biggest pushover in the world, i couldn't say no ;_; i hope you enjoy it!

"you're not gonna die," kai says softly. "it's a shitty circumstance, but you're just making it harder on yourself."

you hum noncommittally while downing another searing shot of vodka. kai watches in horror as you don't even think to chase it, too much of a hassle, you said.

"look, i know how you're feeling, trust me. i just think that torturing yourself is the worst thing you can do right now. whatever happened to self care in the face of heartbreak?" he pleads, and it's like he's talking to a wall. you had been staring listlessly at the same spot for what had to have been at least an hour — no tears, no nothing. just a blank stare and an insatiable need for the next sip.

"yeah, i know. i just wish things were different." you were miserable being just friends with beomgyu before, but that pales in comparison to how used you feel now that you’ve slept with him. 

"i know, baby. i know." at this point, he kind of just wishes you would cry. the awful look on your face seems significantly worse than if you'd just burst into tears.

beomgyu is your best friend, sure, but as you slowly descended into a pit of unrequited love for him, kai had understood like no one else after a particularly nasty breakup with his serial cheating ex. you two found some sort of secret camaraderie in the feeling of loneliness, something beomgyu would never understand, given how easily everything tended to work out for him. except for right now, you guess.

"alright, i think i'm done here," you slur and shakily stand as the vodka seems to be doing its job. kai scowls in frustration, wishing he could do more for you, but knowing he can't.

-

kai refuses to let you go home alone, so he hitches a taxi for you two. in the backseat of the car, you lean your head on the window and close your eyes, but all you see is the repeating image of beomgyu with a self-satisfied smirk on his face as he shows you the girl who he will probably end up fucking. you feel mentally sick knowing those eyes will never light up that way for you. you feel physically sick knowing that you gave him everything now and it still wasn’t enough. 

then, as if hearing your thoughts, kai carefully slides his hand around your cheek, which is currently somewhat numb from the coldness of the window and bumpiness of the ride, and softly places your head on his shoulder.

when you finally get to your apartment, you invite him in. he can tell you just don't want to be alone, but he doesn't say anything, just wraps an arm around you as you lead him into your bedroom. after plopping down in your bed, he turns to leave before you grab the end of his shirt.

"can you stay with me?" you plead. and he nods without a word. lying down next to you before pulling you in his warm embrace.

"you know, i think you're gonna be just fine," he whispers into the top of your head. and just like that, the dam breaks, and you finally, finally burst into tears. wail, really. 

you kick your legs like a child, chanting "no, no, no," and lamenting on and on about how things are wrong, wrong, wrong. this isn't how things were supposed to go. he was supposed to fall in love with you and open his eyes and see who’s been with him all along. he’d apologize and kiss you gently to make up for lost time. you hate how you hoped against hope that he would return your feelings and finally, finally start respecting you. but none of that happened the way it should. the way you so fervently hoped it would.

kai just pats your head and rubs your hair, all while cooing "shhh, i know. i know.”

you lay there with him, legs all tangled together and heart aching until you fall into a fitful sleep. 

-

you miss beomgyu, that goes without saying, but it's getting easier these days. this is due in no small part to kai’s persistence. he comes to see you nearly every day and calls you when he can’t. you spend countless nights with him on speakerphone. most nights, he talks about his day, where he went, the people he saw. on the really, really bad nights, he’s just trying to console you. like right now. 

“shh, it’s okay. i know,” he whispers into the phone.

“i-i’m sorry, hyuka. i’m just so sad,” you sob.

“no, don’t be sorry. why are you sorry?” he coos.

“because i’m dumping this all over you. it’s not your job to baby me,” you cry, feeling guilty beyond words, which only makes you cry harder.

“you’ve done the same for me. you know that. i couldn’t have gotten through my breakup if it weren’t for you, so you don’t need to be sorry. i’m here. i’ll always be here.” if you were less confused and hurt, you’d hear the extent of his tenderness. you might even realize how he’s bending over backwards in a way that’s reminiscent of the way you did for beomgyu. the way somebody who really loves you only ever does. but as it is, you don’t register any of it.

-

beomgyu shows up at your doorstep, sometimes. he doesn’t ever really say anything other than your name in a desperate voice between pleas to let him in, but you never do. you have no idea how strong your resolve will or won’t be if you see his face again, so you do your best to avoid him altogether. on a particularly bad night, though, you feel your self control waning. listening to what he has to say just once couldn’t hurt, right? you can’t stand the uncertainty and this seemingly endless purgatory you find yourself in now. you decide, no matter what the outcome is, you’ll put a stop to it tonight.

with newfound courage, you lightly crack your front door to come face to face with the boy who's been haunting you for months now. his red-rimmed eyes widen in shock as he finally sees you in person instead of from his friend’s instagram account. 

“what do you want?” you attempt to ask coolly, but you sound unsteady even to your own ears. beomgyu doesn’t seem to notice, though, and if does, he doesn’t say anything about it. 

“i just wanna talk to you,” he pleads, and you nod before widening the door and letting him in. you gesture for him to take a seat next to you on your couch and he cautiously sits while never breaking eye contact with you, as if he’s afraid that you’ll disappear if he takes his eyes off of you.

“so?” you ask plainly. he clears his throat as if he's been in a daze until now and nervously begins.

“i-i’m sorry for what i did to you. so, so sorry,” beomgyu says weakly. “and i miss you so much i can’t stand it.”

“then why did you do it?” you ask, not without a hint of malice.

“i.. i don’t know. i think i was just so scared to be hurt that i hurt you instead. but being away from you has shown me just how much i need you.” need. what a strange word coming from beomgyu’s mouth. as for needing you in particular? even stranger. 

“you know, i really didn’t mean to hurt you,” he continues, but even he knows how flimsy his words seem right now.

“i know,” you reply quietly.

“i ruined everything,” he says with a sense of finality, no room for argument. “i know i did. but i-is it always going to be like this? i don’t think i can live without you in my life, one way or another.”

“i don’t know, beomgyu.” he flinches at the use of his full name. “it’s going to take some time before we can be friends again.” if ever. you don’t say those last words, but he can swear he hears them.

“that’s okay,” he says with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “as long as you know that i’m sorry, and that you didn’t and don’t deserve how i treated you.”

“i know,”  you repeat. you can’t believe you’re not bawling and pulling him into your arms right now, for better or for worse, but surprisingly, you don’t feel any of the emotions you could’ve bet your life you would feel. you pity him more than anything, and your heart does ache, but more so for the friendship you lost instead of the love that never was. beomgyu wasn’t your best friend for nothing, so as if he can sense how detached you are from him, he says his next words.

“are you seeing him?” he asks with a tinge of melancholy.

“who?” you ask, taken aback at his sudden question.

“c’mon, be serious. kai.”

“k-kai? what do you mean?” he smiles bitterly at your words. 

“i’ve seen the way he looks at you. if you don’t see it yourself, you’re either delusional or blind. after i last saw you, he really told me all about myself.”

“he talked to you after that?” you ask in shock.

“oh yeah. he said he’d beat the brakes off of me if i ever tried to hurt you again, and the only reason why he hadn’t done it already was because you would be sad.” you pause at his earth-shattering words. your sweet hyuka really said that? you can’t imagine someone as soft and caring as him uttering such unforgiving words, but when you think about how much pain he knew you were in, it makes sense. kai had seen the worst parts of you after beomgyu had broken your heart. only he knew just how much you were hurting, and only he would care as much as he did. you don’t know why, but you can’t help but smile softly at the thought of him being so riled up that he acted completely out of character for you. just for you.

“and if i know you, and i do, i’d say that you probably feel the same way he does.” you gasp at his observation. how could he possibly think that?

“y-you’re wrong! we’re just good friends.” best friends, even. you haven’t really thought about kai in that context. everything you’ve ever done seemed purely platonic on your end. but now that you’re really thinking about it, is it actually? the late night phone calls, spending the night in his arms, waking up to kisses on your forehead and promises to see you later. that’s not what “just friends” do, is it? 

“really? then you’d be okay with him acting the same way he does with you with literally anyone else?” you’re at a loss for words at this. what would you do if kai showed his gentleness to anyone else the same way he does for you? how would you react to him staying up all night on the phone with another girl? to him dropping everything just to make sure she’s eaten? to looking at someone else with infinite warmth and care? you wouldn’t like it at all. 

beomgyu smiles sadly at your reaction. he knows now that you’ll never love him again. not in the way he’s realized he loves you. but that’s okay. love is supposed to be selfless. he realizes that now as he watches you stutter and vehemently deny the love you have so obviously begun to have for another man.

on your end, all you can think is: oh god, how long have you been stringing kai along? since your fallout with beomgyu? or even before that? sure, you could hide under the pretense of being each other’s primary support system in heartbreak, but you can’t do that forever. especially not now. in the middle of your reverie, the sound of your front door opening snaps you back to reality. who else would it be besides the boy in question?

“what the fuck are you doing here?” kai growls when he catches sight of beomgyu. he had just stopped by to see if you’re okay since you hadn’t texted him back in awhile. he figured he’d walk in to you sleeping soundly, not to the sight of you and beomgyu getting cozy on your couch. you, of course, were decidedly not getting cozy with beomgyu in the slightest, but kai couldn’t see that in the midst of his rage. 

“me? i’m leaving now,” beomgyu says, sensing danger and cleverly wanting to escape it.

“yeah, you’d better,” kai spits. 

when beomgyu shuts the door behind him, kai immediately turns to you.

“did he hurt you?” you shake your head no. 

“are you okay?” he asks and all you can do is nod. actually, you haven’t felt this okay in a long, long time. things that didn’t previously make sense to you are incredibly clear now. you love kai, you really do. you loved beomgyu, obviously, but those feelings of pain are gone now that you feel the tenderness that is actual, reciprocated love. 

“kai?” you ask in the middle of his barrage of questions about what happened.

“yes?” he asks, completely dropping his interrogation as soon as you say his name. 

“do you love me?” his face crumbles at this question.

“don’t be stupid, of course i love you. you’re my best friend.” 

“not like that. i mean, do you love, love me?” you search his eyes for an answer. his mouth widens and he sputters for a moment before realizing there’s no way out.

“...yes.”

“since when?” you can’t help but ask.

“since always,” he says with a smile, reminiscent of the words you had spoken to beomgyu all that time ago. you can’t even imagine how kai must have felt when he saw you pining after beomgyu, and for so long. actually, you can. that’s how you felt about beomgyu. your heart aches when you think that you’ve unintentionally inflicted the same pain on the sweetest boy you’ve ever known.

“what about your ex?” 

“she’s not you. and i think… i think she knew my heart was never really in it. not like it is with you. i think that’s why she cheated.” it still hurt to be cheated on by her, to be clear, but not more than it did to see your eyes following beomgyu every second of every day. when he cried to you about her, he was really just crying over you.

“i’m… i know you’re not into me like that, and that's okay, it really is. i just don’t want to lose you.” your heart flutters at his words. kai’s selflessness, his care, his indulgence. his love. you try to imagine a world where kai shows the sides he shows to you to someone else. you’d feel absolutely gutted, now that you think about it. unconsciously, you’ve grown to want to monopolize everything about him. you can’t imagine giving him up, not for anyone. not even for beomgyu.

without another word, you gently place your hands on his cheeks and pull his face towards yours. you kiss him softly, tenderly, and he can’t help but gasp before melting into the kiss. there’s so much care behind it along with love, appreciation, and the sense of making up for lost time.

his eyes redden when you insert your tongue into his pliant mouth. 

“s-stop. any more, and i won’t be able to hold back.” “so don’t hold back,” you say as you grab his hand and lead him to your bedroom.

“a-are you sure?” he asks nervously.

“i’m sure,” you say breathily. “i love you, too. so please, just take care of me, okay?” he can’t hold himself back now. the girl he loves is practically begging him to take her, what kind of person would he be if he said no? so he doesn’t. with great care, he strips your clothes off of you and watches in awe as he sees your naked body in front of him. slowly, intentionally, he lays you down on your bed and admires you for all that you are. your cheeks heat up as he presses kisses onto every inch of your trembling body, almost like he’s trying to mark you with a seal that makes you his own, completely. almost like he’s removing traces of anyone else, and you love the feeling of practically being worshiped by a man who’s clearly in love with you.

eventually, his kisses become more and more fiery as he inches towards your fluttering pussy. 

with a curse, he grabs a pillow and shoves it underneath your hips, raising your glistening cunt so you can more easily fully take in the sight of him lapping up your sweetness like he’s starving. you’ve felt similar pleasure before, but nothing quite like this. is this how it feels to be with someone you love who truly loves you back? you think so. your legs are shaking and involuntarily caging him in between them, but he doesn’t try to resist you. it’s like he could die happily in between your legs as he moans into your cunt, the vibrations racking through your body deliciously. he chuckles when you gasp at the feeling of one of his long, knobby fingers entering your heat. he curls experimentally, you cry out his name when he finds your sweet spot and taps it mercilessly, sliding another finger in and following suit. the sweet feeling of his mouth sucking on your clit and the cruel curling of his fingers is enough to bring you to your climax. you cry out his name as your toes curl and legs shake, which only spurs him further, slurping up your slick like he can’t stand the thought of losing a single drop.

“did that feel good, baby? you wanted me to take care of you, right? so just sit back and let me do it. i’ll make you feel better than you ever have.”

he rips off his shirt and unceremoniously tosses it behind him. you’re panting now, gasping for air, but he’s not done with you yet. he sits up and unbuckles his pants, sliding them down his creamy thighs and letting his cock stand tall. his whole body is flushed pink with embarrassment when you take him all in, matching his reddened member, which is currently leaking profusely with precum. he’s so needy for you, and you can see it all over his bright pink face. you should be tired from the intense orgasm he just gave to you, but you can’t help but gulp in anticipation as he lines himself up with your entrance. slowly, he pushes his wide tip in your spasming pussy. 

“o-oh, god,” he says as he splits you open. you can’t even form words because the stretch you feel is absolutely scorching, so you whine instead. tears spring in your eyes as he shakily pulls out then pierces you with one fluid motion, bottoming out completely. 

“y-you’re going to break me,” you cry.

“oh, baby. it’s alright, you can take me,” he says soothingly, but not without a tinge of mischief. that’s all you get before he begins thrusting into you. the harsh curve of his cock dragging along your walls and inadvertently hitting your g spot relentlessly has you opening your mouth, trying not to drool, but failing when he sticks his thumb in your mouth. like a madwoman, you begin to desperately suck on it, which only fuels the fire even more. 

“you look so pretty sucking on me like that,” he coos. “bet you wish it was my dick instead, don’t you?” he snickers as he stuffs his cock into your pussy. “i’ll give it to you every day, okay? you don’t have to beg.” you nod pathetically in agreement. the thought of kai filling you up every day has you needier than before, somehow. you need this feeling, the feeling only he can give you.

his body is scorching hot in your arms. his cock throbbing inside you? even hotter. you watch in awe as he rams himself into you, your whole body shaking with every thrust. 

“t-take it, you can fucking take it. my pretty girl, so fucking perfect for me,” he praises.

this can’t be your sweet, sweet hyuka, right? but as your teary eyes look up at him, you know it has to be. as if he can hear your thoughts, he smirks as he takes one of his hands and lightly grips your throat. it’s not hard enough to hurt you, but enough to have you whimpering. he calls your name lovingly as he drills into your swollen pussy, walls clenching down around him. you whimpering out his name in tandem with the indecent sounds of his balls slapping against you ring inside his head. he feels more and more that he’s losing his grip on reality as he continues to impale you on his cock. a shudder pulsates through you as you feel an orgasm approaching again. you don’t have to say it’s coming, because he can feel it when you clench around him, pussy begging him not to leave as it sucks him in deeper and deeper. 

“fuck, baby, you look so beautiful coming undone around my cock. so gorgeous, this pussy is the best, never wanna leave it.”

neither of you feel particularly sane at the moment, especially not as he clutches your thigh to steady himself as he thoroughly fucks you into your soiled mattress, hand still gripping your throat. 

“gonna come, gonna get you pregnant so everyone knows not to mess with you. do you want that? do you want everyone to know how good i’m fucking you? that you’re all mine?”

“yes, yes, yes! come inside, please!” you manage to choke out. you place your arms around his neck and dig the heels of your feet into his ass as he drills into you. that’s all it takes, really, before his warm seed fills you to the brim. he moans as he releases his grip on your neck and pumps it further and further into you, pushing his load into your cervix as he peppers your face and neck with sweet kisses. 

he collapses, pushing your hair off of your sweaty face so he can get a better look at you. 

“d-did i hurt you?” he asks cautiously, only sobering up now that his release has come.

“it was good, i liked it,” you giggle, admiring his cuteness. he smiles contentedly as he places one hand on your stomach and gently caresses it. 

“you’re so beautiful,” he murmurs. “can’t believe you’re really mine.” mine. what a beautiful word, only made more beautiful by the boy who’s insisting you belong to each other.

“i could say the same thing about you,” you whisper, placing your hand on his blushing cheeks. 

“wanna go again?” he asks, cock already hardening once more.

“w-what?” you ask dumbly as he shifts from beside you.

“i meant it when i said i want everyone to know you’re mine,” he says, positioning himself over you again and sliding his cock up and down your slit. he was right. you’ve never felt this good before in your life, and you wouldn’t want it to be because of anyone else.

taglist: @my313 @superbbananananana @lonelybutterflytae @cherrycolaberry @everythingvirgoes @beomnoullitheorem @sunny4cast @softesyoongi

series taglist*: @gyulinoo @moamidzyism @sooberryworld @dreamxerz @sweetttkissess @gothraccoons @jaxyy219 @idontwantoeatspicy @soobsfairy444 @denleave1088 @notevenheretbh1 @fairfootedflekk @hihello-pinky @ilovesimjaehyun143 @seolis-world @midwinterblizzard @slutty-cherry @run2min

*if you were tagged in part two: beomgyu's ending i assumed u wanted to be tagged in this one too! if i was wrong, i'm sorry n i will delete ur tag jus lmk!!

[finisnihil]

i dont engage with the hsr fandom much outside of fanart/fanfic, so its always fascinating to see you respond to bad takes. i always feel like im in a little boat, seeing the shadow of some terrible beast pass under me. youre fighting battles i never couldve imagined

(this is re: your ruan mei tags in that post about "bad mother" being a female characters defining trait. it literally hadnt occured to me that you could possibly read ruan mei as a bad mother specifically. wild)

You have no idea lmao. My favorite character in Genshin is Il Dottore and my HSR favorite is Luocha. I'm in the trenches over here!

Anyways on a serious note, yeah Ruan Mei has gotten a lot of shit from the fandom for her relationship with motherhood, especially Jade fans*.

I love Jade as a character but a lot of the fans of her i've seen HATE Ruan Mei and love to drag her for being a deadbeat or a bad mother when the whole point of her arc in the 1.6 quest/event is that she doesn't want to be a mother and she's unwilling to sacrifice her career to care for her "children". She isnt heartless; she takes great pains to ensure they are cared for in her absence. Unfortunately, rejecting motherhood allows people to reduce her to just a "bad mother" and it really sucks when her character is diluted for the sake of defining her as that.

Jade is a character who is very maternal, she leans heavily into that role specifically to manipulate those under her, like Topaz. I feel like when people try to prop up Jade against Ruan Mei, they fully miss that neither women actually desire the role of mother. Jade sees people as investments and she uses maternal roles to cultivate the seeds she plants as to reap the rewards later. She's not genuine; it's all a mask. Trying to compare Ruan Mei and Jade is like comparing two oranges and saying one's an apple.

A character who is genuinely a mother and chose motherhood is Yukong. Her quest circulates around her relationship with her daughter and the circumstances that led to her chosing motherhood and her navigation of it. Even her splash art reflects this, being a depiction of a memory from when Tingyun/Fugue was a child and looked to Yukong as a mother figure, which is obviously a reciprocated sentiment since Yukong is the one who soothes Tingyun's soul and flies again to bring Fugue home.

Another female character that can be discussed in regards to motherhood is Jingliu. Jing Yuan claims they weren't close but you can tell Jingliu genuinely does care about him and even if Jing Yuan doesn't feel like they were close, she looked out for him and believed in him. Even when Jing Yuan wasn't naturally gifted with a sword she was willing to teach him and basically called those who looked down on him weak and lazy, saying they just wanted somebody naturally skilled so they could take credit for their student's success. Part of why she takes Jing Yuan on is because he reminded her of her younger self. Just looking at the age he started training under her, she did have a hand in raising him. Does this all make Jingliu a mother? Maybe. If she is a mother, though, she's a wire one.

The idea of the "wire mother" comes from a study and it basically is a mother who can provide for her children but can't offer them comfort or care beyond that. In the study, the cloth mother (can offer comfort but can't provide) was chosen over the wire mother more because the wire mother was cold and unfulfilling of emotional needs. I think that may play into why Jing Yuan felt they weren't close, that Jingliu's way of showing that care was teaching him how to survive and protect himself when people usually see care being the comfort of the cloth mother.

This is all just my thoughts though.

Sorry for the random analysis dump lmao motherhood is a big theme in the game (Mydei and his mother, Ruan Mei and her mother/her rejection of motherhood, Yukong and her daughter, Jade's use of motherhood, etc) and I got on a bit of a tangent. I'm glad you enjoy my responses to bad takes! I really am fighting for my life out here.

*Mandatory disclaimer that I dont look down on Jade fans i'm just noting what i've observed in regards to Ruan Mei discourse. If you're a Jade fan and you dont hate Ruan Mei, this isn't about you.

[pearsandrust]

Aventurine and the Rule of Three: Past, Present? and Future

Disclaimer: I did not edit this post very well, and it has not been beta-read. Please let me know if you see an error.

IT'S AVENTURINE ESSAY TIME!!!!!! While I previously planned to expand on my original post on this topic, I realized that things actually go a lot deeper with Aventurine.This post is therefore going to address a different interpretation of the motif of "threes", one that will hopefully be more interesting when explored in detail. My thoughts on this have been so chaotic that this will feel more like a rant than an essay, so sorry in advance!

Thanks to everyone who reblogged my original post to point out that Kakavasha, Aventurine, and Aventurine's future self also make a trio in the 2.1 quest. I owe you a trillion credits. (i think the first person to mention it was @onceuponaladye -- thank you so much!).

Alright, I'll stop yapping. Words below the cut. As usual, I'm not sure if any of this is coherent.

INTRO:

Aventurine's lore is completely intertwined with the number three. Three dice. Three slots. A goddess with three eyes. And not to mention all the other instances where it appears:

Three spade-like symbols on his coin

Three screens behind him in his boss fight

Three stages of his life (life on Sigonia-IV/life as a slave/life as a Stoneheart)

Three Cornerstones gambled for Penacony

Three parts in the prayer to Gaiathra Triclops

... and probably a lot more I'm missing! Feel free to point more stuff out :)

Notably, the writers use the motif of threes as a narrative device in the 2.1 quest segment "All the Sad Tales", in which we see three versions of Aventurine: Kakavasha (his past self), his current self (who I will be referring to as Aventurine), and his future self (who I will be referring to as Future-Aventurine). This gives us a framework for thinking about the other instances of the rule of three. IN THIS ESSAY I WILL! ... try my best to dissect two very prominent instances of the rule of three in the Penacony 2.1 quest, and elaborate on how each acts as an analogy for Aventurine's past, present, and future. The interesting thing, however, is that Aventurine's present self stands out among these three versions of him. While his past and future selves have very distinct identities and morals, present Aventurine doesn't. He's conflicted, insecure, lost. He's caught between the weight of his facade and the burden of his past. And while we already know this from the story, it's pretty cool to see just how much subtle symbolism there is in his lore.

Note: Unless stated otherwise, all quotes are from the 2.1 quest.

SECTION 0: Preliminary Thoughts on Kakavasha and Future-Aventurine (mostly a preface -- skip if needed!)

Before I start my analysis, I'd like to point out that Kakavasha and Future-Aventurine are both complex and well-written characters in their own right, and I am definitely not going to do them justice in this essay. Both of them have incredible depth; each has their own opinion on justice, luck, power, preservation, and so much more. However, while looking through Aventurine's lore, I found that their characters are best represented through sets of two, like the pieces of jewellery Aventurine's mother left behind or the paired quest descriptions in "All the Sad Tales". I'd like to do a complete analysis of them someday, but I will be oversimplifying them a bit in this essay, and I'm sorry about that. Kakavasha and Future-Aventurine specialists (if any of you are out there), feel free to correct me in the notes.

My best analogy for the relationship between past, present and future Aventurine is that Kakavasha and Future-Aventurine are two sides of the same coin, and current Aventurine is the edge of that coin. We usually approximate a coin toss to two equal and opposite outcomes: either heads or tails. The third option -- tossing a coin and having it land on its side -- is rarely acknowledged due to its near-impossibility. However, Aventurine is exactly the kind of person to toss a coin and have it land on its side. It should be impossible for him to hold onto both his past and his future given how much they conflict, but he tries anyway.

SECTION 1: The Three Cornerstones

One of Aventurine's biggest feats is choosing to gamble not one, not two, but three entire Cornerstones on Penacony. Furthermore, Aventurine tries to make both Topaz and Jade's stones seem like they're his own. This mirrors how both Topaz and Jade both share distinct similarities with Aventurine, which allows for us to interpret the three Cornerstones as symbols of the stages of his life:

Topaz represents his past.

Aventurine represents his present.

Jade represents his future.

I'm going to go through the Topaz and Jade sections first, as they're a bit easier to explain.

The Past: Topaz and Kakavasha Topaz and Aventurine share a similar origin. Like Aventurine, she also comes from a desolate home planet, and like Sigonia-IV, that planet was also targeted by the IPC. However, the most important similarity between Topaz and Kakavasha is that both of them believe that human lives should come above all else. When Kakavasha's sister tells him that the rain is a gift from Gaiathra, allowing them to turn the tide in their fight against the Katicans, he says this:

But… but people will die, and you will be in danger… How is that good fortune? Why are you all doing this…

Kakavasha has never cared for the politics of Sigonia-IV, and he also seems to question the traditional belief that poverty and suffering are just the trials of Gaiathra Triclops. In his eyes, all of the ideas that his family taught him (that he should appreciate poverty, that defeating the Katicans is important) have only led to more senseless deaths. To him, his family's survival is the only thing that really matters. Topaz expresses a similar (albeit more twisted) belief to Bronya:

I know freedom is precious to people, but in reality there are things of much greater value… such as survival.

In addition, Topaz states that she works in the interest of the common people, and she's known for not caring much about wealth. In this regard, Topaz and Kakavasha have similar ideals.

Topaz also seems to be one of the most honest IPC employees. It's even mentioned in her Character Stories that the one exam she failed was business etiquette, suggesting that she never really puts up a facade for the sake of making a deal. Accordingly, Kakavasha is the only version of Aventurine that isn't acting. He lives as himself: questioning the world around him, grieving what he's lost. The other versions of Aventurine do not have that privilege.

The Future: Jade and Future-Aventurine As we know, Jade was essential in recruiting Aventurine to the IPC in the first place, and they've worked together on many missions. Both of them are experienced in making high-stakes deals, often using lives as bargaining chips (although Aventurine only ever bets his own life -- I'll get to that). These are traits that become more and more central to Aventurine's character as he tries to bury his past and commit to his Stoneheart persona. In the 2.1 quest, Future-Aventurine fully embodies this facade: he's cynical, manipulative, materialistic. Good at sweet-talking in a condescending way, to the point where he sounds a little too much like Jade:

Which is why once you step into the hotel, you remove your high hat and beg everyone you come across for help, like a hyena scavenging for scraps in the desert. - Future-Aventurine, 2.1 quest Unfortunately, there are no more Avgins in Sigonia. You're the last lucky dog. - Jade, Aventurine’s Character Story III

They both speak to Aventurine in the same patronizing manner, and they both refer to Aventurine as a kid/child/young person at some point.

(Side note: When Aventurine is "in character" as the confident negotiator that his future self seems to be, he also acts a lot more like Jade. For example, in Aventurine's animated trailer "Non-Zero Sum Game", he swirls a flute of champagne around the way Jade swirls her wine. Pretty neat detail.)

Future-Aventurine and Jade also share a trait that neither Kakavasha nor current Aventurine possess: the willingness to put other people's lives on the line. Future-Aventurine points this out himself:

In your hands, those who follow you could've become joker cards. They're far more useful that way. - Future-Aventurine, 2.1 quest You will become the IPC's agent in the Silverchain Galaxy. From this moment on, every huff of your breath and every minute of your life will contribute to the Amber Lord's great cause... - Jade, Jade's Character Story: Part I

Future-Aventurine and Jade are both willing to take advantage of people's desires, ultimately using lives themselves as betting chips (or "joker cards", as Future-Aventurine says). It's important to note that Future-Aventurine specifically mentions "those who follow you", which perfectly parallels Jade's ideology towards deals. She waits for those who need her to come to her first.

So, if Topaz represents Kakavasha's innocence and hope, and Jade represents Future-Aventurine's unapologetic, cunning nature ... Where does that leave present Aventurine, represented by the real Aventurine stone? Luckily for us, Future-Aventurine has the answer to that:

The Present: A Fractured Sense of Self?

...Just look at it, tsk. Shattered, just like your life. Poor thing. A humble pebble coated in the most lustrous sheen.

See, the irony of Aventurine's Cornerstone plan is that the two stones he surrendered to the Family -- Topaz and Jade's -- are the ones that make it out unscathed. His own stone is not so lucky. And like his future self says, it's a perfect representation of his life. Because Aventurine's current self is fragmented. His identity is a mosaic of every life he's lived before and every life he'll live after, patched together with escapism and a proficiency for acting. He is the facade and the person under it. He's Kakavasha, Future-Aventurine, both, and neither.

To explain this better, I'd like to look a bit closer at the phrase "a humble pebble coated in the most lustrous sheen". This phrase is especially important because Acheron basically says the same thing of Aventurine, and she knows him especially well after everything that went down in 2.1.

A shattered emptiness draped in the guise of desire... his existence is strikingly powerful, yet the self beneath is extraordinarily faint. - Acheron, "About Aventurine"

(Side note: I find it funny how Acheron just occasionally just drops a Very Accurate Statement about Aventurine and then refuses to elaborate. She's so real.)

"A humble pebble coated in the most lustrous sheen" can be interpreted in two ways:

The first interpretation describes Aventurine's relationship with his past. Kakavasha grew up on a desolate planet, living mostly in poverty. In this situation, he is the "humble pebble". Aventurine's origins make him somewhat of an oddity among the employees of the Strategic Investment Department, and many people were against him being selected as a Stoneheart in the first place:

"And let's not forget the letters from the councilors of the Sigonian Sovereignty. They denounce his tribe for once breaking agreements and sowing discord, leading to significant changes in the balance of peace between the tribes, resulting in repeated delays in the signing of agreements between Sigonia and IPC. Allowing such an employee to join at the IPC would be a severe detriment to public relations..." - Aventurine's Character Story: Part I

Regardless of what others say of him, Aventurine's success in the IPC has given him a great deal of wealth and status, which he uses to mask his difficult past. This is the "lustrous sheen"; the "strikingly powerful existence" that hides his suffering beneath it.

We can tell from the story that Aventurine has never forgotten his past. The "sheen" that the IPC affords him only exists on the surface; no matter how much wealth he has, he cannot use it to erase his previous suffering. And on top of that, Aventurine usually has to conceal his past to maintain his power. But even if he didn't ... the IPC destroyed Kakavasha's home. Aventurine can't bring himself to reconcile with his past identity because of the guilt it causes him, knowing he's now on the enemy's side. In fact, he already thinks of Kakavasha as someone as someone who'll be better than him:

"Kakavasha": Awesome, I hope I can become as good-looking as you when I grow up. Aventurine: Of course you can. Aventurine: You'll be better, and stronger than me.

What does one do with a past they can't return to? It is a problem with an impossible solution, and in the end, it leaves Aventurine stuck between acknowledging his origins and burying them. He knows that Kakavasha will always make up a part of him, but he can't bring himself to accept that -- not when the very company he works for caused his younger self so much pain.

So if present Aventurine both is and isn't Kakavasha, then what about Future-Aventurine? Could Aventurine become him? Could he commit entirely to the facade, living off of deals as Jade does? Could he, perhaps, acquire enough power to be truly free?

This is where the second interpretation of the phrase "a humble pebble coated in the most lustrous sheen" comes in. Because interestingly enough, aventurine is often used as a substitute for jade.

??? (Future-Aventurine): This type of stone isn't rare, but its hue is very similar to a certain gem. In fact, it's often used as a substitute. And that more precious gem is... Aventurine: ...Jade.

A "humble pebble coated in the most lustrous sheen" can also be an act of deception. It can represent Aventurine using glamour and frivolity to make himself seem more confident, daring, valuable -- more like Jade, who has always had more power than him.

I mentioned already that Future-Aventurine is very much like Jade. He's willing to throw away a lot of things for success. In fact, he tells the present Aventurine that (like Jade) he should have no problem putting other people's lives on the line:

In your hands, those who follow you could've become joker cards. They're far more useful that way.

But Aventurine refuses. In all his endeavours, he never gambles away anybody else's life; he only ever stakes his own. That's something he's unwilling to budge on, because he knows what it feels like to be treated as a bargaining chip. And tragically, that's what prevents him from fully realizing his potential as a Stoneheart -- from fully becoming Future-Aventurine, who is so much like Jade. Because Jade's entire business operates on the principle of using lives as capital. Therefore, Aventurine can never become equivalent to Jade if his morals stay as they are now; he can only be a "substitute", a less valuable version.

The present Aventurine is a study in irony. He can't forget his past as Kakavasha, but he can't fully acknowledge it either if he wants to be a Stoneheart. And yet, the pains of that buried past are what prevent him from truly reaching the top of the IPC. He is truly just as shattered as his Cornerstone, made of bits and pieces of other people. People that he once was; people that he might eventually be. And yet he himself is close to being nobody (the self beneath is extraordinarily faint).

Although the Cornerstones are arguably the best representation of the relationship between the three versions of Aventurine, there is another set of three that represents him very well. And although it'll feel a bit repetitive, I'd like to address it too.

SECTION II: The Prayer to Gaiathra Triclops

May the Mother Goddess thrice close her eyes for you … keeping your blood eternally pulsing. May your journey be forever peaceful … and your schemes forever concealed.

You guys probably know what I'm going to say in this section, but this is one of my favourite things about Aventurine ever, so I'm going to say it anyway. The prayer he and his family say to Gaiathra Triclops is yet another example of a set of three: it contains three wishes, each corresponding to one of Gaiathra Triclops' eyes. And like the Cornerstones, these three wishes seem to perfectly align with the stages of Aventurine's life. Again, I'll start by talking about the parts that coincide with his past and future identities, as those are a bit more straightforward.

The Past: "... keeping your blood eternally pulsing." When interpreted literally, this phrase parallels Aventurine's childhood fairly well. Of course survival would have been a priority for Kakavasha -- he and his family were living in terrible conditions on a conflict-ridden planet. There wasn't room in their lives for much else. However, "blood" can also refer to one's relatives, giving this phrase a double meaning; Kakavasha's primary goal was not just survival, but also the survival of his family. Despite his sister emphasizing that he was the blessed child of Gaiathra Triclops, that he would be the one to survive, Kakavasha always thought of his other family members. In his mind, their survival was just as important as his own.

There is also a third interpretation of this phrase, which Kakavasha's sister brings up in their final moments together:

As long as you are alive, the blood of the Avgin will never run dry.

As Kakavasha's sister told him, he was the hope of the clan -- the one who would lead them to happiness. If anyone could make it out, it was him. And so the burden of preserving the Avgins' memory falls entirely onto his shoulders.

One of the reasons Aventurine cannot let go of his past is because of this responsibility. If he truly lets Kakavasha "die", then the history of his people will truly be lost, reduced to only what the IPC was willing to say of them. And Kakavasha will die as soon as Aventurine truly loses himself to his facade.

The Future: "... and your schemes forever concealed."

You're a natural, kid. You don't stop at fooling the audience — you fool yourself too. - Future-Aventurine

I (hopefully) established in the last section that Future-Aventurine is every bit the cunning gambler that people think he is. He's deceptive, condescending, always taunting Aventurine. He even acknowledges himself that he has very few likeable traits. He has no qualms with playing dirty, using others as chips for his deals. He even tells Aventurine he should've sold his mother's lucky charm, completely ignoring its sentimental value (he is both right and wrong about this, but that's a story for another day).

In the context of his character, this part of the prayer is bittersweet. On one hand, it's a sigh of relief: Future-Aventurine has the power he needs. He no longer has to wish for survival. On the other hand, it's tragic, because it means that Future-Aventurine really does completely fool himself. It means that he buries his past, his fears, his suffering. All he's concerned with is his schemes.

(If you need further proof that Future-Aventurine, this phrase, and Jade are connected, Jade repeats "May your schemes be forever concealed" to Aventurine at the end of their first meeting.)

However, for Future-Aventurine to exist, Aventurine must first completely fool himself into believing his Stoneheart facade. He has to convince himself, again and again, that it's worth it; that he can abandon his past and commit fully to the act. And that is the ultimate scheme that he wishes to conceal. Future-Aventurine is a product of Aventurine successfully deceiving himself, and that's tragic. Because even though Future-Aventurine finally has enough power and influence to save himself, there is no self left to save.

The Present: "May your journey be forever peaceful ..." Finally, we get to the last section of the prayer (and the last big section of this post!) Of all three parts of the prayer, this is the least specific. The concept of "peace" isn't as concrete as those of survival and deception, and the idea of a "journey" is equally vague. This aligns with Aventurine's uncertain present; he doesn't truly believe in the IPC, and he doesn't solely desire wealth or fame. He has no way of saving his past or future selves. Then, what does Aventurine want? He questions this himself in the 2.1 quest:

Even if I overcome this difficult trial, what would come next? What awaits me after this glorious gamble... an even more glorious one?

Aventurine is always looking for the next deal, the next gamble. This is his journey -- he goes from one opportunity to the next, never settling too long in one place. He needs the thrill of danger to distract himself, and yet anxiety underscores every bet he makes. He can't win without wondering when his lucky streak will end.

What Aventurine truly lacks is peace. He wants closure; he wants a purpose; he wants answers to those impossible questions (Then how bad were our sins? / Then what did we do to deserve living in a world like that?). He remembers enough of his past for it to haunt him, but not enough to feel whole. And of the million lives he's lived, not a single one has been truly fulfilling.

To tie it all together, this is the description of Aventurine we get at the end of 2.1, which parallels both his need for peace and the concept of his "journey":

His life knows not quietude. His fate yet demands him to win them all, to weather tempests, one after another... til mire enshrouds his very breath. And now, in the unfathomable depths of dream, the once falling die... has at last landed on its earthly rest. Quietly, peacefully, it at last landed.

"Quietly, peacefully, it at last landed". At the end of 2.1, Aventurine does find some semblance of peace, which is a writing decision I am infinitely grateful for. For at least a moment, Aventurine's needs are fulfilled. For at least a moment, he's okay. I very much hope it's not the last.

FINAL THOUGHTS (it's 3AM)

If you made it here, congratulations! Or "I'm sorry"? It's been years since I've written something like this, so I'm not entirely sure which is more appropriate.

In any case, thank you for reading! I love Aventurine and Penacony so much that it was hard to really express my thoughts on them. Most of the time I spent working on this essay was just me staring at my computer with a vague ache in my chest. Penacony is all about illusions and deception and false identities, but I still think it's neat just how well the characters embody these motifs. Aventurine is not who we think he is, and he's definitely not the person he once was. But none of those versions of him were wasted, because they all contribute to the strange, messy, wonderful character we know. I hope I did him at least a little justice with this rant.

Thanks again for reading, everyone!!

[delight-angelsbliss]

ik you did a knuckles hcs alr but if you don't mind revisiting this topic I'd love to see your hc takes on Boom Knuckles x a thick girly... I feel like he'd be rly sweet. Even if he is a bit confused, he'd try his best ;-; i love that beefy bimbo sm

Precis: Boom! Knuckles with a thick female! Reader

Warnings: one mention of starving yourself but it isn't about actually doing it

Notes: Everytime I force myself to write smth through a writer's block and then see no notes, but the one who stole my prompts get more notes than me, an angel loses its wings... Also sorry for the late post and I got a bit off track when writing

Boom! Knuckles is already beefy himself, so he doesn't mind people with a little more meat on their bones. He doesn't see the issue with it at all. Knuckles thinks it's a good thing to be a bit more thick than others, it isn't a problem and shouldn't be seen as one! This meathead (in his words) can also be a feminist who believes in body positivity (unlike Clara dao) so he tries to show you just how beautiful you are in his eyes. Since boom! Knuckles is quite literally the dumbest guy you'll ever meet, he doesn't quite understand the severity and the fact that most insecurities stay as a mental state. When you first explain it (I don't think he'd understand because of how he's portrayed but wtv) he tries to show this better understanding of your predicament he has now, pointing out when you look radiant and/or put together, he loves uplifting you, it's just the kind of person he is

Knuckles knows how judgemental people can get, and he understands how you feel since he also gets many insults his way about how stupid he is. Obviously he'd defend you, you're someone he loves and truly cares for, so it only makes sense for him to defend your peace and dignity. Knuckles would always rant to his friends about how many insults are said to you just existing, he hates seeing you sad, he wants to see you confident, but these people are just wrecking that. Knuckles loves seeing you confident about your body, he also loves the way you look and he thinks you should do the same! Knuckles is a lover boy at heart and that won't ever change

He loves seeing you confident, wearing stuff you like, not letting comments get to you etc. It brings him happiness knowing you're well off with your looks. He thinks it's important to have self confidence and not be afraid of the opinions that other people may have towards you, there will always be people to resent you for no apparent reason and it's ok to care about it to an extent, but that doesn't mean you should let it rule your life like a tyrant. Since boom! Knuckle is more of a meathead, he isn't the best at comforting, but he still tries to! Trying to get advice from friends, searching on the internet, etc. He always wants you to be happy and healthy life.

Knuckles is someone who prioritizes comfort in a relationship, he wants to make sure you're fully comfortable with him. If you seem uncomfortable wearing smth tight around him that show off curves, he won't pressure you to do so, he wants you to trust him fully. I can't stress this enough. Knuckles adores it when he's able to give you compliments or talk about how cute your body rolls are, it's not only a boost to his paranoia about being bad for your confidence, it's a boost for moral and confidence. He doesn't see a reason to buy stuff like fat blocker, cut calories, ⭐ve yourself, etc. You're perfect as you are to him and you shouldn't harm your body over anything. Knuckles will always support and love you through out any decision you have

[weasleyreidstyles]

Serendipity Headcannons; Mattheo Riddle

series masterlist

A glimpse into our main boy's life leading up to sixth year (where Serendipity kicks off) – eventually going to do them for each character (the ones who are a constant in the series), except meadow since that's more reader-centric but let me know who i should do next (this is me putting off writing chapter 17 because its making me want to rip out my hair)

It actually ended up being so long (i got carried away) that i'll have to do a separate post for the nsfw😏 hcs that i also wrote down - if that's something that people want to see of course

warning(s): cannonical violence, mentions of parental death, menions of torture and abuse (tried to make this as mild as possible), allusions to self harm (literally one bullet point), mentions of blood supremacy/cannonical pureblood madness, mentions of alcohol consumption/drug use, mentions of being sick (sorry fellow emetaphobes), allusions to an ED

Obviously he's Voldemort's son (its a known fact; when his name was called shortly after Harry's during the Sorting Ceremony, people immediately began to fear him for his last name – avoided him in corridors and older students were horrible to him)

His mother died when he was born, so he never got to meet her. But she had loved Tom Riddle with all her heart, despite knowing what kind of person he was (I like the tom hughes fancast for an older version of him – TikTok editors have me influenced)

When he failed to kill baby Harry, Theodore Nott's mum took it upon herself to care for Mattheo (who was only several months older than Harry at the time) – she was close friends with Matt's mum

They may not be related by blood, but Matt considers Theo to be his brother as well as his best friend

Mattheo's childhood (up until he was eight) was relatively acquiescent, but obviously being the heir to the Dark Lord comes with its own traumas – he was plagued with nightmares he swears were real conversations with his father

When Theo's mum died, his father wasn't the nicest to either of the boys; they both grew to resent him – the man either ignored them, shouted at them or beat them senselessly (to build character)

They had a Governess in the years after Theo's mum died, so that they'd be well ahead of their peers once they got to Hogwarts - also a way to keep them out of Theo Nott Senior's way

During his sorting, the hat immediately placed him in Slytherin, but it wasn't as quick to choose, like it was with Draco or Blaise.

Harry had unconsciously made him public enemy number one when he found out who he was (I mean his dad did kill Harry's parents so) as well as Draco and co

Mattheo doesn't believe in the blood supremacy that is spouted around pureblood families – has never used 'mudblood' to insult anyone (draco take notes fr) – but thats only due to theo's mother and the way she raised her boys – also it would be so hypocritical because he's a halfblood (i think, idk the twisted lore of purebloods too deeply)

Professor Quirrell took a particular interest towards Mattheo (his dad was literally playing house on the back of the guys head)

He found out that Quirrell was Voldemort (?) pretty quickly when the Dark Mark was burned onto his left forearm – something that continuously happened in his nightmares so he thought he was in one when it happened

Partly why he didn't say anything – he was also weary that no one would believe him

He tried everything to get it off his skin – burning, scratching, spelling, even carving it out, but nothing worked. The Dark Mark was engraved onto his arm like it had buried itself within the very cell structure of his skin

He didn't gain as much attention as Harry did in first year. He went practically under the rader after the first couple of months, only interacting with his small group of friends (Theo, Draco, Blaise, Enzo and Pansy) and competing for the top academic spot in class – when Theo's father found out that both boys were being beaten for first place by a muggleborn (go Hermione!), he used the cruciatus curse on both of them - moreso on Theo :(

Second year was a completely different story however

When the Chamber of Secrets opened, people whispered that he could be the heir of Slytherin (because his father is literally Voldemort so technically they weren't wrong) and he didn't go as unnoticed as before

He developed a thick skin towards the insults and returned them with steely looks that sent people scurrying the other way

He began physically fighting some people when his restraint snapped at times though – he didn't have a way to relieve the tension from all the agression at this point

The only people who spoke to him with no fear were his friends

When the first student was petrified, he was brought into Dumbledore's office for questioning

During the dueling session, he watched in awe as Harry spoke to the snake but didn't dare say a word

He was the only one in his group that didn't bad mouth Harry at this time or call him the 'heir of Slytherin'

He's actually really smart (not at Ancient Runes though lol) and is among one of Professor Flitwick's favourite students

When Harry and Ron posed as Crabbe and Goyle you (Meadow) had posed as Pansy and he had thought it was strange to see her with the two of them, but she had a small crush on Draco in first and second year so he brushed it off as her trying to impress his friend

But he knew it wasn't her when Draco had mentioned Hermione (calling her a mudblood) and 'Pansy' had gone deathly still

He's been skilled at Occlimency for as long as he can remember, as has Theo. But Mattheo has a certain affinity (he calls it a curse) for hearing people thoughts without even uttering the spell – also why he's so good at preventing people like Dumbledore from using it on him

Wasn't aware of his father's diary being used to lure Harry to the Chamber of Secrets, but at one point he heard the whispers in the pipes and vehemently ignored it until it eventually stopped (big mistake, cus voldy holds grudges very well)

Once Ginny was rescued from the Chamber, he felt incredibly guilty even though he literally had no control of the situation – sent her an 'anonymous' gift basket as an apology (he knew it would never make up for what happened to her, but he hoped it would at least make her smile) – it did, she thought it was a gift from dumbledore though

One of the only times he was even a little kind to the Golden Trio and their friends

The summer after second year was hellish for him and Theo

The basilisk was obviously meant to kill Harry so Theo Nott Senior was angry that his master's big plan had failed (2 years running🤝)

Third year was more mild than the last (thank God, honestly)

Mattheo had made it onto the quidditch team now that half of them had left the year before

He's a beater and proud of it – lets out all that pent up agression on the field, which makes him one of the best in his house (dare i say whole school🤭)

Quidditch became his whole personality basically (he's a teenage boy duh – it's like the football obsessed idiots in the pub levels) and he came to love the attention it brought him – he was starting to be noticed by girls outside Slytherin and making enemies with the rival players

He decided then that he wanted to play quidditch professionally in the future – he would not be caught dead behind a desk in the Ministry (they probably wouldn't hire hom anyway, simply because he's a Riddle)

Because he was on the team, he was invited to more parties which he also enjoyed – the man can drink!

But he wasn't one to jump around like a madman like some people he saw at the parties. He and his friends (those on the team – Theo, Blaise and Draco) would sit around the sofas and play drinking games with others who were sat down – including you and some of your housemates at times – but never the Gryffindors

Sirius Black was on the loose which took the pressure of being Tom Riddle's son off his shoulders somewhat – no one actually dared to fuck with Mattheo now that he was a beater either

Buckbeak took a liking to him, surprisingly, as did the thestrals that only he, Theo and so few others could see

The dementors affected him as much as they affected Harry – he could hear his own mother's cries

During the boggart lesson, he was apprehensive of what he would see – would he see what he sees in his most horrifying nightmares? Or would it be something as trivial as a grindilow or something?

Safe to say he was glad that Professor Lupin stopped the lesson after Harry's turned into the dementor

Speaking of dementors, one of the only spells he cannot cast is the Patronus Charm – even his happiest memories are not strong enough to envoke the magic

People thought he helped Sirius into the castle at one point (absurd, i know)

He and Harry got into some arguments at times – Mattheo liked to provoke him for the fun of it, mostly so that competition on the quidditch field was filled with extra tension, but also because Harry and Ron are dickheads who like to talk shit about him and his friends (hypocrites because the Slytherins literally do the same thing lol)

This is the point where you're on his radar a bit more frequently – you, Ron and Hermione went to Hogsmeade a lot and were frequently in the same places as Mattheo and his friends

He does not like you at all, partly for the fact that you follow Harry and Dumbledore so blindly but also – you are one of the reasons he and theo get so much stick at home, along with hermione being top of the class, you are as well so he grows to resent you a little

He's always there when you're yelling at anyone who says something against your friends (usually Crabbe or Goyle – our mortal enemies fr)

When Sirius escaped the dementors people genuinely thought he helped (again, absurd i know)

Moving onto fourth year...he went to the Quidditch World Cup with Theo and Nott Senior disappeared after the match ended and festivities began

We all know what happened but when the Dark Mark appeared in the sky, Theo, Draco and Mattheo all looked at it in absolute horror, having heard the harrowing stories first hand from their families

Mattheo had a panic attack at the thought of his father returning – after the run in with him in first year, he's been certain that Voldemort isn't really dead, and this confirms it for him (because why the fuck would his father's mark appear out of nowhere?)

Because of that, the school year is off to a great start

He gets into fights left, right and centre – especially since quidditch has been cancelled in favour of hosting the Triwizard Tournament (i've obviously aged up the characters but lets pretend the age limit still exists in some capacity)

The Durmstrang students practically worshipped the ground he walked on – which was ego boosting to start with, but Mattheo quickly grew irritated by their constant infatuation with him – especially Karkaroff who always compared him to the great Tom Riddle or the 'Dark Lord' interchangeably

Whenever Professor Moody stared at him for too long, he got an odd sensation on his left forearm, where the mark sits, like spiders were scurrying and crawling around – he decides after the very first DADA lesson (unforgivable curses) that he did not like this professor.

There was just something off about him, but Mattheo couldn't quite figure out what – foolishly tried Occlimency but obviously it didn't work on the most infamous auror

Wasn't even surprised when Harry's name came out of the Goblet – he is coined 'Saint Potter' by the friendgroup (started of course by Draco)

He and Theo snuck out to the forbidden forest to see the dragons up close before the first task – almost got caught by Charlie Weasley, had Hagrid and Harry not showed up with Madame Maxine mere moments before he could spot them

He took a random girl from Beauxbatons to the Yule Ball because he did not want to deal with the hassle of Hogwarts gossip – but everyone gossiped about it anyway (busybodies)

Rumours went around about the two of them (you know like how Snape caught two people in the carriage🤭)

At this point, you were just his arch nemesis' best friend so you were not fully on his radar past sneering comments and jibes, but a small part of him can admit that you looked beautiful in your glittering dress (think Feyre starfall dress vibes)

The rest of the year went by uneventfully – he got on with his school work and remained one of the top of class except in Ancient Runes which theo tried to tutor him in....unsuccessfully

In the months leading up to the third task, Mattheo noticed Moody's skittish behaviour (also Karkaroff and weirdly...Snape) especially after Crouch was found murdered in the Forbidden Forest after the second task

On the day of the first task, he had the worst gut feeling he's ever felt – bigger than the day he found out that his surrogate mother had died

Sitting in the stands with his friends, near the back of the stadium, his arm begins to burn so painfully that he has to fight physically crying out at the crippling pain (Voldemort just got resurrected as a noseless alien)

Excuses himself to his friends' utter confusion and concern – Theo stops Pansy from running after him, letting him have space, somehow just knowing what Matt's sudden departure meant (he saw Mattheo cradle his left arm while he walked away)

Just before Mattheo walks through the exit, Harry apparates back with the trophy (portkey) and Cedric's dead body beneath him screaming that "Voldemort's back!"

He couldn't hold back the contents of his stomach at the statement because he knew it was true. He just knew it deep in his bones.

He had to hide behind the bleachers of the quidditch pitch while everyone was stampeding to leave, where he just sobbed and sobbed because he knew then what his future would be.

Theo found him an hour later and together they mourned for the future Mattheo had desperately always wanted

That summer was the worst he's ever experienced to date.

He met this snake-like version of his father, his only other memories being of a handsome man (Tom Hughes vibes) not whatever this thing was.

His father thanked Theo Nott Senior personally for taking such good care of his heir – this was such an ego boost for that horrid man

Mattheo was tortured into the perfect soldier that summer – tasked with training other Slytherins/purebloods into the regime

Its not very discernable but if his hands are still for long enough, they begin to shake unconsciously due to just how many times Voldemort used the cruciatus curse on him

His nightmares had become a reality that summer – he no longer slept, and only ate when Draco had to force him to

There was one silver lining at least

No one believed Harry Potter.

So Voldemort's army grew exponentially in secret, as did their knowledge of certain prophecies

We know that Professor Trelawney had the vision but Voldemort has a seer of his own – who made him aware of the order being in possession of a siphon but not able to say who it is (its meadow of course🤪🤪🤪)

His fifth year marked the start of the war, even if the otherside didn't know it just yet

At school, Harry started many explosive arguments with him, that he admittedly fed into a little bit out of pure amusement

His stoic facade was ever present this year. Not an expression painted his handsome face in the public eye. Rarely did anyone catch a glimmer of joy in those onyx eyes.

It was around this time, when he discovered that Harry was being taught Occlimency that you were doing some studying of your own

He heard the soft whisper of your thoughts in his head – a pleasant sound – mumbling little bits and pieces about the art, as if you were revising them over and over like a broken record

He knew you were Theo's patrol partner because Theo would not stop complaining about having to deal with one of Saint Potter's loyal followers (the two of you did not speak for 5 whole patrol sessions – lets say between September and November)

Thats when the idea sprang

Admittedly it started out as a way to satisfy his curiosity

He wanted to know why you were learning Occlimency and actually doing surprisingly well, despite not having someone to actively practice it on/with you, while Potter was not taking it seriously at all

So he asked Theo to try and befriend you – when asked why, he explained that he was curious and wanted to know if he hunch he had was right – his gut feelings are almost never wrong

Theo begins his task of slowly befriending you and relaying anything remotely important to Mattheo – no progress at first, until the two of you happen to bond over your hatred for the new DADA professor

He joins the Inquisitorial Squad because Theo's father wanted him to, and by extension said that the Dark Lord wanted his son to set an example too (lets not forget, in his prime Tom was literally the smartest in the school – was definitely head boy as well as an academic weapon)

This is how he finds out what Umbridge's detentions truly entailed

Speaking of Umbridge (she deserves her own tw actually), she had shown particular favouritism towards Mattheo and his friends, to anyone who was against Harry, really – never gave them detentions and let them off easily, even defended Mattheo's honour against Harry's 'heinous' accusations

But back to the detentions – both he and Theo found out about the blood quill around the same time

He was waiting for Theo to finish patrols so they could go smoke in the Astronomy Tower, when he overheard Umbridge talking to the two of you

Well actually she was talking to you – because apparently it was now against the rules for prefects to walk around past curfew (even though thats their literal role?) and she gave you a detention for it

When you asked why in Merlin's name Theo wasn't being treated the same, she said it's because he's on the Inquisitorial Squad and was therefore exempt from her detentions

You had detention the next day and did not show up to your next few patrols, but Mattheo saw the hints of a glamour covering your non-dominant hand (he would know because he's had a glamour over his scarred forearm for years)

Theo told him that you refused to admit that something was wrong - you hadn't even told your friends about whatever was bothering you

They found out by chance – a first year that had gotten lost was cradling their hand and the boys saw the words of the boy's own scrawl etched harshly into the flesh of his hand

When Matt was observing you in the library one day (happenstance, he's not a stalker lol), he was deducing how far along you were with Occlimency but found that you winced and held your head when he actively tried to enter your mind – not good for how long you'd been teaching yourself the art

So he gets Theo to talk to you mentally and the first time it happens is actually comical – you drop the contents of your potions incredients onto the floor out of shock before you whack Theo across the head with your hardbacked potions textbook

That's really how the two of you became friends, your friendship with Pansy following soon after

Now you're slowly building up the tolerance for Occlimency with a little help from a friend

Leading up to Christmas, the mark burns wickedly against his skin at all hours of the day

Then Arthur Weasley is attacked and Mattheo is surprised that no Weasley has come to deck him in the face for simply being Voldemort's son

Obviously no one does because everyone (barring you and Hermione) have been swept away to 12 Grimmauld Place

After Christmas he does get decked – George sends a bludger his way that most definitely had the power to break his entire arm (and definitely a few ribs); after the abysmal Christmas break he's had, he's almost tempted to let it happen – but his beater instincts kick in and he's pelting the bludger and all its momentous energy towards one of Gryffindor's chasers instead

His Dark Mark burns every time his father fails to retrieve his and Harry's prophecy

He begins to suspect that you are the siphoner when you perform wandless magic like its a second nature during breakfast one morning (you're using your magic to flip through the pages of your book, while you leisurely sip coffee, probably awaiting Granger's arrival)

His suspicions are more than confirmed when your magic seems to literally pulse like your pulling more of it from the air – it's almost indiscernible, but if he paid attention, he could see the symphonic ripple of your magic and the Great Hall's magic mingling in the air (and he knows Dumbledore can see it too)

He explains this to Theo without telling him so much that'll get him involved with what knowing this will mean for his brother

He passes all his O.W.Ls with a plethora Outstanding and Exceeds Expectations grades, except for Ancient Runes where he gets a mere Acceptable (which somehow still allows him to retake the class in his N.E.W.Ts options, funnily enough)

What's not funny is Voldemort's reaction to this anomaly of a result :(

Lets rewind to june 18th (aka battle of department of mysteries; RIP Sirius Black you icon, you legend)

The DA have just been busted (like two weeks/a week prior to the date above) and you're all in detention writing out the line "I must not disobey the Ministry" over and over again – to the point where it has become a permanent scar that you see everyday

Exams are happening and Harry has just been delivered a vision by Voldemort (he just passed out in a DADA exam🫣)

Saint Potter and his band of followers try to break into Umbrige's office and fail exponentially

The Inquisitorial Squad catch you all in the act of guarding the corridor outside her office while Harry, Ron and Hermione try and contact Sirius

You're all trapped in the office and everyone (including the Inquisitorial Squad) is shocked when she goes to cast the cruciatus on Potter – internally Matt is cringing and fighting the instinctive flinch

"You can't do that! It's illegal!" Your defence of harry is ignored as Umbridge puts Fudge picture face down – Matt swears your eyes burn a violent indigo, but it's gone in a blink

Hermione and Harry end up taking her to where 'Dumbledore's secret weapon' is and you lot are now all stuck with the Inquisitorial Squad

Theo actually only holds you loosely, and he's the same with Ginny – not forcefully holding her, but also not allowing her to break free at the same time

Crabbe and Goyle take Ron's bate and eat the Puking Pastilles from the Weasley twins' personal collection and you all escape

Then the battle eventually takes place and everyone knows that Voldemort truly has returned

Now onto the current timeline of Serendipity!!

Mattheo decides over summer that he wants to help the otherside desperately

Especially because Draco is now a Death Eater

And Enzo and Theo are set to become Death Eaters the following Christmas – punishment for what happened during the battle in June

Proposes the idea that he teach you Occlimency in exchange for you helping them get out – the group agrees and Theo and Pansy set out to persude you to help

Roll on the Serendipity plot where he slowly begins to actually care about you (scary feelings; unknown territory)

He's never felt this strongly about someone before, not in the way he feels about you

At first he enjoyed how infuriated you became with him; he also despised how many questions you would ask (but that was your nature and he grew accustomed to it)

You're the only one whose ever called him Théo, after the death of Theo's mother, the name was as good as dead to him, until you started calling him it – he never wanted you to stop

The feelings you invoke in him are what finally allow him to produce a full patronus – when the majestic form of a Hippogriff bursts from the tip of his wand, swirling and spiralling at the thought of you, he let out a genuine laugh

He's so soft for you – his persona changes in the blink of an eye at times – from cruel and brooding to gentle and compassionate

His friends have never seen him happier – admittedly were surprised to learn of your relationship, but when they watched the way the two of you interacted after you'd become a pariah to your old friends, they understood.

Mattheo is so protective of all his friends, and somehow he's even more protective of you – he had wanted to incinerate Harry and Ron on the spot for how they'd made you feel, but knew you would never forgive him for it, despite how badly they'd hurt you

He'd burn the world down if it meant you'd be safe, especially because you had the one power that his father desired to have in his ever growing arsenal

Mattheo always has to be touching you in some way (he's a physical touch kind of guy), whether that be a hand on your thigh when you're seated; an arm wrapped around you as you walk; interlocking pinkies, etc. He just loves feeling you near him.

You're such a typical Slytherin/Ravenclaw couple – your intellect amazing him all the time, and he's no longer miffed that you always beat him for a spot at the top in class – his ambitions and adamant loyalty are something that you admire dearly, and hold close to your heart

You both know without having to voice it that your love is unconditional and eternal. Its a love as rare as your magic.

~∞~

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@whatsupb18

[child-of-helios]

hello. I've a rather stupid question. I've only read the books once, as a kid, and I don't understand why people hate calpyso x leo. whys it so bad? why does everyone seems to hate it on here?

xxx,

eurydice

First of all, this is my first ever ask, I've made it mother :D Secondly, I'd gladly explain! Though please note that it really has been a good while since I've read the books too, so my memory is kinda foggy :] Warnings for: Slight mentions (but not too much) of rape, pedophilia and mental illness (oh boy this is a tough one)

So, I have made a post abt this before, but it was written in a fit of rage so not my proudest moment (but my most popular post, oops). Anyways, I feel that the hate towards Calypso x Leo is because of a few reasons. 1. It simply didn't get enough development to feel worth it imo. Similar to Jason x Piper, I felt like there wasn't enough there to warrant a canon ship. There is also the fact that personally, I thought that their dynamic was more of a familial or that of siblings, which made me uncomfortable. I would've much rather have them be friends. 2. The uncomfortable age gap. It feels very weird because while yes, Calypso was depicted as a teenager, she is thousands upon thousands of years old. The fact that she fell in love with a literal child is incredibly weird. It was weird enough with Percy, but at least they didn't end up dating. With Leo though, she did end up dating him and the age gap feels very odd. Its even weirder knowing she had a relationship with Odysseus, who by that point was a pretty old dude so she was probably very mature and an adult (though she doesn't act like it). 3. Calypso is kinda a rapist. In the Odyssey myth, she forces Odysseus (a married man) to sleep with her. I'm sorry, but I can't support any relationship involving a rapist unless its rapist x prison cell. It makes me uncomfortable because she could very well take advantage of Leo, a mentally ill teenager with self-esteem issues. 4. Her toxic treatment of Leo. Calypso was very pissed when Leo arrived on her island, rightfully so after what she had gone through, but even then her treatment of his was outright cruel, especially compared to that of Percy and Odysseus. She made him sleep outside, exposing him to the elements after he got flung through the air and ended up on her island, which must've caused some damage. Then after they started dating, I still felt uncomfortable reading about the two, because their dynamic just didn't work, and I don't recall her apologizing to him for her treatment of him. 5. Leo's arc was thrown away. I think the worst of all, is how this impacted Leo's character. He should've had an arc where he learnt to love himself, but because of Calypso he didn't. I think the moral was supposed to be: 'even if you're mentally ill or have problems, you still deserve love!' but it came over more as: 'ignore your issues and get all your love from someone else.' Isn't it more important for kids to learn about self-love? And as an extra: what could've been. I think that Leo shouldn't have gone back for Calypso, that that ship shouldn't have happened. I prefer him going back to Echo and them learning about self-love together as buddies (and maybe evolving into more than that). Echo was stuck in an abusive relationship with the Narcissist, so I think it would a good arc for them both. I also think that if you really wanted a romance, Jason x Leo would've been much better. We know that Rick can write good gay romances, we know that Piper turns out to be a lesbian, so why not make Jason and Leo gay? I think it would add much more to the tragedy of Jason's death, but that's for another post (and this one is getting too long already oops). In conclusion, I think Caleo is bad for many reasons, but especially because it didn't have enough time to develop and the dynamic was simply too creepy for me to get invested in. Sorry for the super long post- Have a lovely day :D

[eshithepetty]

I'm ruefully stuck (or flipflopping, honestly) between a dynamic between the two Enas (platonic or otherwise) and also the interpretation of them as the same character

They're both interesting to me, in a way I can't explain-- mostly because any in depth analysis for Ena ends with me barking, but still. I think its just like- the unsaid potential. It's fun to fill in the gaps in an instance in which the webseries Ena becomes the person in Dream bbq. But it's also fun for me to imagine these guys interacting with all their similarities and contrasts (employment status /j)

I think my point here was, cool posts

Yahhhh I agree... there's definitely a lot of fun to be had in both interpretations.

Imagining them as separate characters is great cause you get to contrast their personalities and imagine the ways in which they would clash - and I think they would clash, badly... but if they're able to get past that tension between one being very emotionally unstable and self deprecating, and the other being also unstable, but also aggressive and at times demeaning, they actually could learn a lot from each other... worker ENA learning to let go and relax and have fun, to not focus on her job as much, to be vulnerable.. classic ENA learning to stand up for herself more and be more bold and to have someone who is actually willing to fight for her.... it's just very neat, I think there's potential for both sour and sweet, and overall interesting, interactions between them,,

But if they're the same person... well. I've discussed this before with my mutual Cube, but I think it's a very, very interesting reading for the reason that it makes me really think about like.... identity as a whole. What are the barriers there? When do you lose your identity and become someone else? Or are you always you? Especially considering the way that ENAs seem to be able to hop between mannequins/change forms/be in multiple places at once.... there's Definitely a LOT to be explored in terms of the Self there, and if both ENAs are the same.... well. I just think the ambiguity on whether they are the same person or not is Intentional. And tbh? I kinda like it being infinitely up in the air. It really makes you Think about it then, instead of settling on one answer that would clear it up.... because like. For us, too, we never really do stop learning about who we are. Who am 'I'? I may tehnically be the same person I was 10 years ago, but I certainly don't feel like it. We're connected for sure. But we are not the same. Ship of theseus and all that.... we never quite know what wood exactly we are made of or what seas we will soar over. But existential personal thoughts aside....

There's also another angle entirely to look at them from - more in the note of them being separate.. maybe not as a species, because I don't entirely like that word - they are not animals - but perhaps a race? Like. The discrimination that ENA faces.... there's a reason so many people have compared it to fantastic racism. The feeling of you getting blamed for the actions of another one of your kind, just cause you're of the same feather, of all of you getting lumped together, of people making assumptions, of people creating stereotypes, of people refusing to understand you, all of you, of being forced into labour positions, of being seen as poor, of being denied services, of your name being constantly misspelled.... and you being lonely. Marginalized. ENA doesn't meet other ENAs (besides stray clones of herself) thorough the series. There's a sense of alienation, in that, I think.....

Overall, I think all of these readings can be combined in some sort of way. I don't think either of them are entirely 100% true, or will get 100% confirmed. So I'm just having fun reading into all of them and seeing what themes and concepts I could take from them..... so yeah!! Sorry that this reply came a bit late, I had to think about it, and my brain has been a bit mush lately ;^^ hope this answer suffices!! And thank you so much for liking my silly posts and sending this ask!!! Have an easy day out there :)

[theamityelf]

I miss you writing about my boys Taka and Makoto so what are your thoughts on vengeful ghost Taka and Makoto being the only human to calm him down?

Like say Taka met his end at the hands of unruly students at school (not necessarily Hope's Peak) and he comes back very angry but because he was friends with Makoto when he was alive he calms down at his presence?

Or

Both Taka and Makoto are ghost but Taka's a vengeful spirit and Makoto is a peaceful one that people seek protection from? This would probably take place in the far past.

I love it.

I lowkey kind of want to make it a post-killing game thing, but I'll keep it normal for now, lol. More of a, "Taka died in a tragic accident but kept coming to school as a ghost" kind of thing.

The rules I'm imagining for this are, he's invisible when he's ruled by passion or emotion (like vengeance, or the visceral anger he now feels when he sees people rUNNING IN THE HALLS!), but he gets to look like himself, or a phantom version of himself, when he remembers who he is and is in touch with his own mind.

When he first dies (presumably because someone else was breaking the rules or doing mischief), he's initially just a roiling, seething presence. An intense feeling of slightedness and self-righteous fury.

But he maintains his living self's innate sense of punctuality, so this spectral presence goes to classes. He's invisible. His ghost is aggressive towards people who talk or pass notes or eat snacks or fall asleep, and he's especially aggressive towards those he holds responsible for his death. And he might not differentiate between the pranksters who directly did it and just the broader institution of pranksters as a whole.

And the ghost's behavior gets worse, angrier, nastier, each day.

Makoto– who is of course grieving Taka –notices that the strange incidents that have started happening seem to somewhat follow Taka's class schedule. And despite the clear pattern of what kind of students are targeted by the unexplainable incidents– like a whole desk flipping over when its occupant nodded off during a lesson –Makoto himself was never targeted.

After school one day, he goes to a place where he used to meet up with Taka to study and hang out. And he starts talking to him, even though he can't see him. He starts off talking about class, his day, normal things. Then he starts talking about his feelings. It's his first time really expounding about how Taka's death has made him feel.

He starts crying. He keeps talking.

And at some point he just...isn't alone anymore. There's another figure sitting beside him. Also crying. For a few minutes, Makoto doesn't dare look over at him, even though he knows. He just keeps talking.

When he steels his nerve enough to look, he meets red eyes, and then he feels the strange sensation of a ghost trying to hug him.

"Taka," he breathes. "You're...You're here."

Taka is only just remembering who he is. Before, it was all impulses and emotion. The past few days are still kind of a blur, but there's something he remembers pretty clearly: a feeling of helpless searching, desperate loneliness. "I came here after school every day, but you weren't here. We said we were going to study, right? Why didn't you come?"

Makoto does his best to hug the ghost back. After Taka died, he couldn't come back to this place. "Because I was scared of sitting here alone," he answers honestly. "But I guess...by avoiding that, I just made it so you were alone. I'm sorry."

Taka looks at Makoto's face, and despite the fact that Makoto just finished talking about how Taka died and how it made him feel, this is Taka's first time consciously understanding that he is dead. "It's not your fault."

"But is that why you've been so angry? Every day, coming here and waiting for me..."

"Makoto...did those hooligans murder me?"

"N-No, they didn't-! They didn't mean to, Taka. It was all an accident. A terrible one."

"People always say that, when their actions have consequences."

"...I'm really sorry you died, Taka. Is there anything I can do?"

"Please keep coming to see me. Keep reminding me who I am."

"Yeah. Yeah, of course."

Makoto would have stayed longer than usual, but Taka retains his sense of punctuality:

"You should go home. We mustn't worry your parents, and you haven't had any time to study or finish your homework."

A fond tightness in Makoto's throat. "I...have a confession?"

"What is it?"

"I've been letting my grades slip a little since you...since you died. I've been turning in half-finished work, sleeping in class."

"Makoto, you mustn't. Don't miss out on the joys of hard work and achievement. Not on my account."

"What do you do at night? Do you go home?"

"I've never tried. Mostly, I think I've been tidying up around the school. And I think I've tried to sleep, but it hasn't worked. Maybe ghosts don't sleep. And maybe they don't...travel. It doesn't feel as if I can leave the school."

"That's not...No, I don't accept that. You have to be able to leave! You have to see your dad, and..." And if Taka can't leave, then his whole afterlife will be this school. No, he doesn't want to upset him with those kinds of thoughts. "Just, maybe you should give it a try. Even if it doesn't work the first time, you can keep trying, right?"

"Of course. Try and try again– that's what they say!"

Makoto smiles, at Taka's usual loud determination.

From then on, whenever Taka's invisible phantom form starts wreaking havoc, Makoto can step in to calm him down.

The school doesn't want to openly acknowledge that there's a ghost, but the teachers do always call on/send for Makoto when ghost stuff happens.

And Taka insists on helping Makoto study.

[no-higher-thought]

said you wanted to talk about 2bhank on your last post... well i'm all ears.

oo Wait fr ??

Oh my goodness gracious youve no idea what you just released anon FUCK you for making me write all this down /lh

Very unorganised thoughts cause i had like 12 pages worth of ramblings in my notes and had to cut it down. It was borderline just nonsense, man. Im losing it. Sorry if words don't make sense.

First off, they can and have hurt eachother. Hard not to, in a world as fucked up as theirs. Hank is someone who only knows violence, and doc is far too used to manipulating people and circumstances to gain the upper hand. In combat, in business deals, sieges, all that jazz.

But honestly, considering everything ? Their relationship is definitely among the healthiest, most stable in all of Nevada. Mostly cause the bar is all the way in The Nowhere but. y'know.

Both see it as VERY transactional, which, i mean. It is, first and foremost, a business deal so like. Fair i suppose. Hank is very good at their job of killing, and doc is very good at pointing them at nice targets. A sort of  "ah shit they didn't slam the door this time guess i gotta be extra careful pulling all the shrapnel out of their abdominal cavity."

There was never any moment one could consider "feelings realization" or whatever. They're simply incredibly close as a result of just how LONG they've worked together. Neither is particularly keen on asking somethn like "what are we to eachother?" Because it just. Doesn't. Matter to them.

That and like. I am very aroace. Hank is canon aroace. Saw doc fanart with ace ring once and have been rotating it in my brain since. Big fan of non-traditional relationships, man.

It's mostly convenience, methinks. Hank may not need doc to bring them back to life, but it sure does make the process a lot shorter and less painful. Doc doesn't need hank, he has plenty of money and access to many of Nevada's most feared mercenaries. He could find someone else to do his dirty work, if need be.

And yet.

Every moment they spend together is a moment of putting their life in the other's hands. Hank trusts him not to staple their legs on backwards, and doc trusts them to not dome him the moment he turns around. Don't get me wrong, it's not trust in the other, no. It's trusting that the other isn't dumb enough to get rid of a valuable asset.

But frankly, to someone used to nothing but pain and violence, a simple lack of it might as well be a loving embrace.

Theirs is a relationship built off of many years of contracts, of shared goals, of depending on eachother, expecting the other to catch them when they fall. When they crawl back battered and bloodied. When they pass out from overworking in front of their computer for the upteenth time this week.

They'd share a bed simply because both have horrific waking nightmares and huddling together on a shitty moldy mattress helps. A net positive, mutualism. They might seek some affection from the other, but its always self-serving.

Still. Neither of them are sentimental. If the machine took them on different paths, or hell, if they had to kill the other (for one reason or another), i don't think either of them would mourn.

Simply fill their time with the next mission at hand.

Doc could kill hank. They've been under his knife often enough. It wouldn't stick, sure, but he's very much capable of sending them back to the Other place, at least once.

Hank could absolutely kill doc. There's very little stopping them. All it would take is a single hand around his neck and one good squeeze.

But they don't.

They don't, and neither does he. Because at the end of the day, both of them benefit more when the other is alive.

Mutualism.

... Anyways uh hank is a cuddler. With how fucked up their nerves must be, i bet most of their sense of touch is straight up just pain. Which would be be a bigger deal, except. Doc has access to heavy-duty painkillers. How can you not, in some odd way, love the guy that makes the pain go away, even for a bit ?

[katyspersonal]

If you defeat Messmer the hornsent will say that the snake emerging from him is a "sublime scene" or something similar i wonder is the snake is something that has been considered as holy/ divine by the hornsent. + What is the deal with abyss serpent? Marika was so afraid of it she banished her son for it, i know gameplay doesn't necessarily equal lore but the Abyssal serpent doesn't seem to be that dangerous

;-; This is like the third time I forget to answer an ask and only remember about it when I get a similar one I am so sorry dhfhsd

As for the Vengeance-Seeking Hornsent, I think it was either a sarcasm or expression of satisfaction to see how monstrous Messmer was with his own eyes, given the place of that line in the full dialogue:

That being said, it doesn't exclude seeing the Base Serpent as divine either! It could always be sort of both, a bit like how Fell God is both revered and feared/dreaded!

I actually touched upon the 'Abyss' and Base Serpent in my post diving into what happened with Romina recently ( x ), so for the starters I'll copy a small bit from it to prevent the confusion! Ymir states that Marika's roots are 'in madness' and flowers on the painting of Midra's Manse in its past are the same as in Shaman's Village, but just in case the 'abysses' are not the same:

I need to add that Abyss of the serpent plaguing Messmer and Abyss of the woods tormented by Frenzy are different things though; whereas serpent’s Abyss is 深淵 meaning literally an abyss, Woods’ Abyss is 奈落 that means Naraka (Hindu Hell)! His serpent is AKTUALY named Base Serpent, but he refers the 'Abyss’ in his Stage 2 transition: '光無き、深淵の蛇が’. ( x ) In fact, his dialogue in both English and Japanese original suggests the 'Abyss’ is a PLACE, where Base Serpent comes from! The mysterious space without light!

So, the Abyss is the place without light, the 'hole' within what Greater Will entails and embraces:

@val-of-the-north also says that it further proves that Frenzied Flame is basically a "sibling" or the second side of the same coin, as its "face" likewise has a black hole at the centre!

Elden Ring itself is light, the blue stars controlling humans and the amber stars controlling Demigods are light, Erdtree and the greater tree predating it are light... Light is the essence of life and the orders, not even just the Golden Order however it has been THE order for a while! Messmer and Queelign repeat that all "lightless" should burn in his flames, and they are doing it for the sake of Marika's beliefs. So, the 'lightless' part of the issue is very important! It is fearsome as something they cannot fully control, it is antithesis for life the way they know it and they are used to! At the same time, no longer seeing the light is something grace-given lifeforms fear (Iris of Occultation)!

However, another, and arguably more important aspect of why Base Serpent is something feared, is Marika's fear of fire! For one, she went at war with the Fire Giants because they might have burnt her precious Erdtree, and she'd lost everything again:

(+ Also worth to note that the Fire Monks that peer into flame and go 'hmmm actually..... 👀' and get blinded discover the Bloodstar, and Alberich who did the same by blinding self is "heretical" sorcerer! That's why I think Lightless Abyss is not empty but various horrors live in it, and Formless Mother appeared from it too! Again, not the point of this post as I already talked about it in Romina post I linked earlier)

Another precedent was burying the Nomads because Shabriri said that they were worshipping Frenzied Flame:

(From the video that recovers Kale's quest ( x ))

There is also this:

I assume the prophesy has to come from the Hornsent in some capacity! Like maybe when the Two Fingers gave her aid to ascend to Godhood, she already knew from the Greater Will (?) that she won't rule forever! Ranni and Miquella both refer to the ages they want as 'thousand years voyage', so perhaps any era being set on the timer is a common sentiment! The Age of the Erdtree logically must end with the Erdtree being burnt, of course, and there is Empyrean Grandam who is a Hornsent..

I am yet not sure whether Melina is Gloam-Eyed Queen "killed" and reborn, making her instead an adopted daughter to keep her fire under control or she is a real daughter but stripped from her true power and body because of the fear of fire or both! I just think that back then, looooong before Marika could've predicted the thorns created by Radagon needed to be burnt, Melina being so "downgraded" for someone who is her daughter also had to do with the fire!

Messmer getting discarded is just an extension of it. Or her not willing to deal with the fear of the Erdtree getting potentially burnt because of the Base Serpent's fire!

As for whether it is an "evil" power? I likewise don't believe so! Fromsoft always makes 'eldrich' Gods either powers of nature or just creatures far from humans' concepts that just vibe! It is Gods who are basically just humans with too much power who can be evil and cause havoc, like Gwyn and his family and Marika and her family! Base Serpent is not "evil", it is a force of nature; necessary inferno to burn the nature, so it doesn't rot and later can be born anew from the ruins! INRI means 'Iesvs Nazarenvs Rex Ivdæorvm', but it also has an occult interpretation: 'Ignis Natura Renovatur Integram' ('All nature is regenerated by fire')! I believe Messmer has to be not only Marika's firstborn but also have special position compared to other Demigods, because he is "necessary" evil. A "promised" end to Marika's reign, who maybe is not even cursed but rather hard-coded to be this way by the Greater Will itself.. because Base Serpent comes from the Abyss inside it, Fell God on the other hand is not connected with serpentine stuff! When Messmer gets rid of Marika's eye, he promises oblivion that you and him will fall into, which again refers to the lightless Abyss.

The only evidence to Base Serpent being dangerous is that it has to be kept in check by the Winged Serpent:

It is not inherently evil, but it IS chaotic! It would not know when or where to stop or how to take the pace, much like the element of fire itself who simply burns whatever it meets on the way! And yet again, how "evil" can a force of nature be? It is "evil" for those who don't want to burn, but that's it and it is not a moral value but a (reasonable) fear! Burning things needs to be smart and balanced, or else it will just be 'Frenzied Flame at home'!

_____________________

Anyways thank you for asking so much!! I love discussing this particular topic a lot actually! +I assume Eiglay is a similar kind of serpent, but specifically promised death of Gods (maybe Outer Gods specifically, even) rather than Demigods and various things mortals built and birthed! Maybe she is even a sister of Base Serpent of sorts

[ethicaltreatmentofcowplants]

Asylum Challenge: Day 11

Note: While I had done well at remembering to back up my save files, I was less vigilant about my screencaps (context: I tend to move them into different folders per save so that the screencaps folder doesn't get too cluttered) aaaand those were not up-to-date. So unless I can get my old laptop to work properly again, I've lost them. Buuut as I said before, I'm not too fussed.

This is therefore a time jump. Also the first day I played of this save with Wicked Whims installed, so while no adult content will be shown here, the dynamics within the household have become a little more... interesting.

We begin with Lilac very close to finishing her first aspiration, but it's also five am, so she's still snoozing away.

Level Four - Painter Extraordinaire

❌ Reach Painting Level 10 (9/10) ❌ Complete 5 Masterpieces (4/5)

Which isn't to say that it's quiet exactly. Downstairs, two of our token occults are making a solid start to their day.

Lilac's Two Star fame quirk is that she has acquired a stan. Who today was Wolfgang Wilder. When Vlad came downstairs for an early morning snack, Rory wasted no time in exacting retribution for her woof-woof in arms.

Results were.... predictable. And now Vlad is both angry from the taste of disgusting wolf blood (while I feel that's his bias coming through, I'm also going to take his word for it 😬) and humiliated because he lost to this fleabag.

L. is the third to wake up (well, second since Vlad never slept in the first place) with a rather pressing - or 'pissing'? - need. Go piss, L.! No one is stopping you! Peeing is self-care!

Speaking of L., with Whims installed she so far has been the Sim bringing all the attractiveness alerts to the yard. Both Raj and Vlad think that she's absolutely breathtaking. Well, at least until her MEAN trait kicks in and she starts insulting Raj, that is.

Which would likely make her all the more beguiling in the eyes of Vlad, but away from @cantseemtohide's influence, Raj in this save is not a murderous fiend, but a rather likeable Everyman, and so he quickly departs.

Another Sim collecting those attractiveness alert pings is our main girl Lilac. In Vlad's head, she's an absolute goddess. In hers, however, he's visually from some place much much much further down than Mount Olympus.

He attempts to gain some sympathy points by complaining about Rory (a vamp's gotta eat, after all).

She's unmoved.

(Also I just realised that Rory was nearby making the punching bag fear for its life the whole time, so in hindsight this was actually rather ballsy of Vlad...)

Once Vlad goes downstairs however (possibly to try his non-existent luck on some other poor unfortunate soul), Lilac achieves her fifth and final masterpiece. Woo Hoo! Which is the only kind of 'woo hoo' happening up here. Sorry, Vlad.

And then after a dinner break, she finally maxed out painting.

It was only a 'normal' quality work, but a completed aspiration is still a completed aspiration.

Oh, go on then. You've earned it.

Reward Trait: Expressionistic

Expressionistic Sims have mastered the medium of emotion, and as such, they can paint emotional paintings no matter their own mood.

I'll likely be combining Day 12 and 13, as Day 12 got a little... active, and not a lot happened that would be safe to post here lolololol.

[howdoesagrapewrites]

𝘼𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙡𝙨 𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙨𝙡𝙚𝙚𝙥

Cw: sleep deprivation, hallucinations, suicide, self harm, poly!reader x lovesick!Pavitr Prabhakar x lovesick!Gayatri Singh, force feeding but not in a fetish way, vomit (only mentioned), drugging, selective/situational mutism, the hallucinations catholicism related (sorry I'm hispanic), kinda comfort at the end?

Notes: Tumblr wouldn't let me upload this?? I tried several times so I decided to just post it alone. Anyways, this happens after a variation of the events in Even as the void consumes them but the reader didn't succumb to stockholm syndrome

"Open. Up" Gayatri's voice was nothing but an echo, a disturbance in the sound waves. You can feel she has her hand on your jaw, trying to force it open. You had vomited everything that had entered your system the las three days, it's not even intentional at this point, it's like your body rejects whatever its presented. It makes sense, in a way. Your body is rejecting them, just like you do.

You stubbornly clench your jaw in a silent protest. Not that there's other way to oppose her, the second your lips are slightly spread, she'll force the food down your throat.

You recognize their patience. They have been trying to feed you for, an hour? You are tempted to leave it uncertain, as time is not something your tired brain can afford to care about.

Every escape plan has failed so far, the one time you could leave the building, you were returned by the police. And after your second attempt, you moved, they got a house instead of an apartment, you could see through windows, it was a completely unknown place, you assumed it was Mumbattan since Pavitr had "work" here, but aside from that, is hopeless.

Gayatri's hand lets go of your jaw, she's getting increasingly frustrated at your resistance. You see her holding back tears. You could go on a whole ramble about how she must feel seeing you starve, and sleep deprive yourself, a person she loves dearly, in theory. However, you don't allow yourself to be moved by their sob stories anymore, you're too tired, you're too damaged.

"Have it your way. This little stunt won't be successful, you won't die." She says as she gets up from the chair and exits the living room, have you been rested and functioning properly, you would've listened to her whispering something more. "I can't let you die"

As of late, you only sleep when you're passed out, only get nourished when they leave you no choice. You really wished there was a less painful way to go, but they made sure you couldn't hurt yourself, no knives, no razors, no pills (not even ibuprofen), they baby-proofed the entire house so you wouldn't hurt yourself with the corners of the furniture, Pavitr wanted to remove the door from your room so he could watch you 24/7, but Gayatri talked him out of it. You don't know if it's genuine respect for the little privacy you had left, or just because being exposed also meant that they were exposed as well, and you've seen how she storms out because she doesn't have the strength to keep her tears from falling, you hear their endless rantings at night, it always ends the same way: they wail about the lost time, about the things you said or did, or about the teeny tiny impression that they might have screwed up, it's all the same, they'll end up curled up in each other's embrace, conjuring excuses and hope-filled speeches about "things going back to how they were".

You see the plate laying beneath you. Full of maggots, you gag and feel the now familiar burn in your dry throat. You fight the urge to slam the plate away, this happened before, everytime they leave, food turns to maggots, they can't see it, but you know what they're really feeding you. It's better, you definitely have no appetite now.

You head to your room, now filled with the floral wallpaper you hate. When you saw it for the first time, you made your nails bleed from scratching the walls, you hated it, you yelled at them, berated them in every way you knew how. It was the only thing you'd ask for in this hellhole. If you can't have freedom, please let the yellow flowers stay with you. Eventually they got some, but not enough to cover the whole room, no longer 5,128 flowers. You said you wouldn't speak a word to them until they got you the rest, but you know that's not the real reason why you don't talk anymore.

"Don't talk, go make bread" an old man whispers

"Your eyes taste like how the color purple tastes like"

You hear a knock on the door, followed by more voices.

"You're ungrateful."

"Break the door"

"Don't answer the door"

"I really want to sleep"

"Pigeons are nice because they know things"

Voices always calm down when Michael shows up. The glow hurts your eyes, the divine light hurts the sinner.

"Father shall not leave thee, you face the calvary for those who are innocent"

Those who are innocent.

Pavitr is not innocent, you recall it now.

He gave you a spoonful of something, then he pecked your closed lips. You don't know you weren't moving, it feels like you were watching a movie about yourself.

Pavitr is not innocent, so you aren't doing this for him.

What are you doing?

Y/N collapsed on the floor, the loud thump alerted the other two people.

"They'll be better now, you can rest" Pavitr reassured to the woman next to him

"They keep trying to hurt themselves, they won't let us nurse them back to health" there was an audible tear in Gayatri Singh's voice, cracking, a little hoarse, tired.

"We can't blame them for being ill. Remember, love, in sickness and in health" Pavitr picked the body, it was malnourished, skin thin like a sheet of paper, multiple little injuries that never healed properly. He put them in the bed, freshly made, no one has slept there in a while.

"In sickness and in health" Gayatri repeated, with hope, as she tucked her lover into the bed, she made sure it was comfortable, even for someone who won't know the difference.

They kiss their slumbering lover's hands, then sit down, in well needed silence.

"We need to call the physician to see if they can put them in IV therapy or something" Gayatri said, her worries still exacerbating

"One day at a time, jaanu, one day at a time."

[sephirthoughts]

Can you do 15 and 32 for Cid in the headcanon ask game please?

I LOVE CID!! Thank you for the excuse to talk and think about him more

Cid Highwind

-15- pets or feelings about animals:

Cid seems like the type of guy who is just naturally adept with animals. You know the type? Where any wild or uncontrollable animal will be sitting and rolling over on command and eating from the palm of his hand within five minutes of meeting him. I also think Cid has a big, tough, super weirdly well-behaved junkyard dog that is so smart you can't believe it's not a person. Like Dogmeat from Fallout or D-Dog from Metal Gear Solid V, like it guards the airfield and knows how to use a combat knife and scope enemy bases and create distractions. And like Cid can say "Rocket" and then just click to it, and the dog will go "boof" and run off and like twenty minutes later it'll come back with groceries.

I think his love for big dangerous animals (and their love for him) comes in especially handy with Vincent because his Cid magic works on the Galian Beast too, so like everyone's scared of it but Cid. I have this HC that sometimes Vincent can't control the transformation, and just goes feral and becomes the Galian Beast, every once in a while. He usually has some lead-up so he can tell when it's going to happen, and they can get him somewhere isolated before he runs amok, but every once in a while it just happens without warning, at which point everyone is like oh shit we're screwed someone get Cid before Shinra sends in troopers and Rufus bills us for all the tanks that get destroyed

Galian: -rampaging tearing shit up throwing cars- citizens: -fleeing in terror- Cid: HEY! YOU PUT THAT BUS DOWN! Galian: *ROOOAAAAARRR* Cid: I SAID DROP. IT. Galian: *roooaarr?* Cid: -raises eyebrows- Galian: -drops bus and comes bounding over to Cid like a puppy acting like it wasn't the one who was just chewing up post boxes and tossing vehicles- Cid: -petting its belly- awww who's a good boy. citizens: …. Cid: uhh...heh. sorry, everyone. he gets a little rowdy if i forget to take him for walkies

NOTE: this applies even if you don't ship Cid and Vincent. i 100% believe they'd be like this either way

-32- toxic traits:

Ok, well there are funny and not-funny answers for this, but I think the not-funny ones have kind of been stealth retconned by this point, with how they've changed his character and just sort of not mentioned anything about it. Which is good because honestly Cid was a….difficult character to enjoy. Back then his toxic traits were literally verbally abusing Shera into the dirt over his misdirected anger about the rocket launch screw-up, and subsequent loss of his career and everything he'd been working toward. She blamed herself and let herself be treated that way in this simpering, self-flagellating, doormat way that made me eye-roll so hard the planet tilted on its axis. I have seen this trope in Japanese media with female characters multiple times, and it's always portrayed as if the female character is somehow doing a noble thing by spending her life as some prick's punching bag and i fucking haaaaaate it. I absolutely *hate* that they made them married in one of the games, too, because that just makes the situation way grosser and more toxic. The whole relationship between Cid and Shera was godawful and terribly written, especially since the other characters just took it in stride and were like "seems normal to me". It also doesn't track with the way they've changed his character in general, in the current iterations of the story. BUT NEVER FEAR! I have personally de-canonized the whole thing, removed the stupid and pointless abusive dynamic, kept Cid and Shera colleagues and friends who had some rough times and fell out and then forgave each other like adults yay character development, and made her a cool lesbian with her own life who doesn't take any shit from anyone. YOU'RE WELCOME SQUEENIX.

Anyway that's the not-funny toxic traits. On to the fun stuff!

MY Cid's toxic traits are as follows:

Smoking way too much and then being all surprised about it when he gets winded during really demanding fights

Acting like his aviator goggles are glasses and putting them on to pretend to squint at restaurant menus, just to mess with the waitress, like his vision isn't flawless (he's a pilot, it has to be)

Dad jokes

Calling Vincent a series of increasingly ridiculous pet names just to see how long he can get away with it (darlin, sugar, sweetheart, babydoll, cinnamon bun, angel pie, sweet potato casserole, nana highwind's famous pineapple upside-down cake). The joke is on him, however, because Vincent knows exactly what he's doing and takes every nickname in stride without objecting to any of them. Actually the joke is on the rest of the crew, who are the innocent bystanders having to hear all of this. NOTE: this also applies even if you don't ship Cid and Vincent. He absolutely behaves this way toward his platonic best friend. Which may explain why Vincent is his only friend.

Buying loaves of processed white bread and pre-sliced american cheese but then acting all fussy and particular about exactly which artisanal stone-ground mustard is used on his sandwiches

Pretending there's heavy turbulence but actually he's shaking the plane around just to amuse himself and annoy everyone

Using his accent to play stupid so no one asks him questions or expects him to come up with plans, even though he's an actual literal rocket scientist

Falling asleep in the theater during any movie or stage production whatsoever. It doesn't matter if it's boring or interesting or if he's into it or not, something about theaters just knocks him out like a light. As a result, he and Vincent have slept through a grand total of 26 movies and 5 productions of Loveless. Everyone knows about it but the general consensus is just let the old men sleep they're happier that way

OH ALSO this is not a toxic trait just a random HC: i think Cid and Reeve would get along really weirdly well. like they're from totally different personalities and backgrounds and have different lifestyles and careers and yes reeve is an executive at Shinra but they just hit it off like crazy. Cid is always nice to Cait Sith maybe that's what makes me think that. i dunno

Thanks for the ask, I hope you enjoyed my ramblings!

[fluffydice]

I've mentioned it before, but I think I finally want to try and explain how I write the characters in my Saiki K fics. It's mostly for me because I love talking about writing and Saiki K, but maybe some of you will enjoy this, too.

I did Toritsuka because @akechi-gf mentioned wanting tips on writing his dialogue, but 1) I felt bad info-dumping on his post and 2) didn't quite answer the dialogue answer and jumped straight into characterization (Sorry! Hope this still helps you in some convoluted way, if you're willing to read it all LMAO)

Obviously, he's very aggressively horny. He and Aiura are probably one of the firsts to laugh over something that could be taken the wrong way. But I think it's his way of trying to connect with others. He might open a conversation with some odd, vaguely creepy comment on a girl with the intention of moving the subject to something else.

He's vulgar, though I don't consider him much of a swearer. Not when compared to Kuboyasu or maybe even Kaido.

I personally write him as someone who is very opinionated. If he thinks Saiki is being too passive, or in over his head, Toritsuka is going to tell him straight up. Even if he knows the other won't take it well.

That's a big part of their relationship, I feel: even if Toritsuka is the first to cower away from Saiki puffing out his chest, he's also the first to come bounding back. He's not a 'once burned, twice shy' kind of guy. He doesn't really hold grudges, and can't quite go through with threats. I think it's why Saiki puts up with him. Like Nendo, Toritsuka is very devoted.

If you want to portray him differently, that's alright, but I always feel that something people miss with all the Saiki K. characters is that most of them are genuine assholes. They're teenagers, and I feel Toritsuka exemplifies this best. He'll say hurtful things and fucking mean them. It doesn't make him a bad person, but he definitely doesn't have the same emotional regulation as...I was going to give an example but I don't know if any of the kids are good at that. Akechi, maybe.

And speaking of emotions, he's not the best with them. He understands them, sure, but he's not even remotely delicate. That means he'll back off easily when he thinks things are beyond him. If Saiki tells him to leave it alone, that's what he's going to do. He isn't a bad guy. Toritsuka doesn't want to actively make things worse.

And on that note, he's also really fucking whiny. I try really hard not to shy away from making characters unlikable in certain aspects. If they're annoying, make them annoying. If they're a jerk, then so be it. I don't like sacrificing personality for likability. I just make sure its balanced out by other things. Toritsuka, despite his faults, has a lot of things genuinely good about him. He has pure, unadulterated faith in people, a genuine desire to become a better person (after some nudging), has shown care toward his ghosts...there's definitely stuff there.

Toritsuka's world view is fucked up, point blank. The way he talks about women isn't right. If I wrote from his perspective, it'd probably include him objectifying them. But, depending on what period of his development he's in, he might be able to step back and acknowledge that what he's thinking isn't right. He's very capable of growing and changing. Even if he's reluctant with it, he starts being less self-centered and more willing to do things just because it's the right thing to do.

He has mommy and daddy issues up the fucking wall. I think it colors his interactions with the other psychickers (who are willing to keep him in check), especially Saiki (who mother-hens basically anything that moves). He needs guidance, even if it's a bit of bullying.