#sorting through brain hard
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cerulean-fantasy · 2 years ago
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💜✨🌠🌟
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itspileofgoodthings · 7 months ago
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had a very nice realization about peace, especially spiritual peace, the other day. (Been brewing for a while.) and it’s just: peace is for the non-peaceful.
#very obvious of course#but it’s just—-#it’s hard to explain how messy I feel all the time#in all areas of my life#what a grubby little gremlin I feel I am#with my unfinished projects and my half-done things and my unsorted through internal life#and my room that needs vacuuming and my bathroom that needs dusting and the text messages that need answering#and the relationships that I feel need attention or fixing or solving#and tbh counseling has been helpful simply because my counselor is just like ‘girl if you don’t chill’#(kind)#like. she’d just like you’re doing FINE#everyone doesn’t have the dishes finished or everything in order at all times#so I’ve been able to kind of see the ridiculously high expectations for myself I just walk around with#and/or just the pressure I feel to have everything DONE#but even all of that aside it has just been dawning on me that—I can have peace in those contexts#not only once everything is ‘sorted’#because it’s not that I don’t think I deserve it or whatever! that’s not exactly the issue#it’s just literally my brain is like ‘peace is for people who have their shit together’#‘and that isn’t you’#and it just !!!!! isn’t true!!!!!!!!#even if I were as grubby as I think I am (and sometimes I think I AM)#it doesn’t matter. you can still know peace. God still loves me#in the middle of the mess#my WORST states have been when I felt like I had to get myself spiritually in order before God could come#sort of dusted and vacuumed metaphorically speaking I mean#and of course there is work to do#but that happens only with God and because of God and IN God#so I don’t have to wait#can’t explain how often I have heard people talk about peace and been like#‘not for me though’ but it actually IS lol. it I s. beCAUSE I am grubby!!!!!!!!
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vaguely-concerned · 5 months ago
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I think veilguard might be the one game with an unlimited sprint button that I've nevertheless spent the most time gently jogging and walking through. just to like... look at things. hang out. vibe. the environments in this game are so fucking good
#most games I'm extremely 'yeah yeah get me through here quickly or I'll die' about but this game... could simply vibe near-indefinitely#I gaze at paintings (treviso my beloved). npcs. little tableaus of set tables.#contraptions. and all sorts of things. just me and my little buddies. in the world of thedas. and this makes me happy.#I love that in weisshaupt you can see that the attack began when everyone was sitting down for dinner or some sort of late meal#and that they have dedicated places for where they process the dye that makes the characteristic warden blue#that they clearly have a very specific tradition of decoration there.#don't get me started on the grand necropolis or I won't be able to stop fjsdkh#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#in the tags. I mean if you somehow haven't found out we go to weisshaupt and have stuck by your spoiler free zone that hard#far be it for me to be the person to ruin that for you lmao#y'know... inquisition landscapes/outfit detailling etc. are also beautiful but I've always found them a bit hard to parse#there's So much going on with details and textures in a way my brain can't quite puzzle together into something cohesive#(I think it might also be down to the slightly more zoomed out perspective the camera forces you to have in that game#I've seen some more close in/over the shoulder camera mods and early builds and that works better for me)#but in veilguard they've hit the balance perfectly for me I understand what I'm looking at AND it's beautiful#guess another decade of experience with frostbite did make for that advantage at least haha
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littlespoonevan · 2 months ago
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dizzybizz · 2 years ago
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AITA if I accidentally left fish at my mayor's house for two weeks straight? And it left his house stinky?
OK- so I (26TM) moved to a small sort of isolated town during spring this year, where I work as a farmer on a farm my grandpa once owned. It's been great and I have really settled in over the course of the year.
Time passed and eventually fall was upon us. Now, during the middle of fall the town holds a small festival, where among other things you could set up a little stall with your finest products for a friendly competition and review. Our mayor (??M) hooked me up with one of those which was really nice- I had been doing a lot of fishing over the months and I had a few good ones to display so I did. I ended up getting second place- okay no, that is not really relevant-
But after the results were out, the mayor specifically reminded me to not forget to empty out my supply and bring it with my back home. He specifically went out of his way to remind me. Thing is... I might have gotten a bit caught up in the other festivities and fun things around (not my fault they were grilling burgers and had gambling). And I completely forgot, I only remembered the moment I stepped foot inside my room again.
Next morning rolls around and I wake up to a letter in my mailbox from the mayor explaining that the fish I had left were placed inside the town's Lost and Found. Which is just a big box inside his house. So I thought "OK, great. I'll head over today and retrieve them." Yeah, that didn't really turn out. I completely forgot, it completely slipped my mind. And that same series of events of - me recalling that I had stuff in the Lost and Found and meaning to go pick them up and forgetting - kept happening for a while. Until two weeks had passed and it was winter. And as I was passing the mayor's house the thought struck again. Except this time I actually REMEMBERED and WENT THROUGH WITH IT. So I knock on his door and I get let in, and the house smells like, well... rotten fish. I go straight to the box while talking about how I'm so sorry it took so long and that I was always getting distracted by this that and the other. And he's being all understanding and nodding along. But there is no way he wasn't at least a bit ticked off, right? And I do feel really bad but I cannot do much for my forgetfulness besides setting reminders maybe... maybe I will try that in the future.
AITA for forgetting to pick up my forgotten fish from my mayor's house?
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icewindandboringhorror · 4 months ago
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I'm so heavily anti-advertising that all pitches sound goofy silly to me/I can never take them seriously, so I have no idea how I'll manage to to advertise my game even if I do finally finish it soon-ish lol...
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#Especially how so much modern media advertising is like... getting people excited about random tropes and stuff like#''Do you love enemies to lovers? Do you love sad stories that make you do a heckin CRY? Do you love big stupid dumbo muffin cake#sinnamon roll babies who are too good for this world? Have you ever wanted to read a blah blach blah" whatever stuff and it's like#... i cannot type that... I couldnt do it.. I couldn't even think of how to do it ghbjhbjh#I am such a literal person... Like I love when an advertisement is just like 'This product works well. Look at it. Buy it if you want. Ok'#You know what makes me want to read a book or watch a show or play a game? Reading a detailed plot synopsis or the full wiki page#for it and then deciding 'yeah I wouldnt mind sitting through seeing the events I just read about happen in more detail' lol#OR aesthetics. since I do often watch things JUST for the set/costume design. Sometimes I will watch stuff literally#just because I saw a picture of a costume in it that looked really cool and I want to sketch costume looks whilst watching#But aside from appearance like... little bullet point break downs of things that are in a story just ... do not do anything to me at all.#And i just hate 'selling' things to begin with. I don't want to have to convince people to like something.. they should just... like it...#LOL.. like.. just be born liking it. just like it automatically please. Dont make me beg to you like a weird little freak. So many commerci#als seem weirdly desperate and manipulative. Like those Truck/Car commercials that will have like a freaking dog crying and#a war vet in a wheelchair with the american flag in the background and a family hugging around a christmas tree or some shint and its#just like oh my GODDD... shut UPP.. you could literally not be MORE blantant about just trying to prey on peoples emotions to build#some sort of fabricated positive association with your product/brand.. begone.. Or brands having their own twitters where they post#~~relatable content~~ as a means of shallow audience endearment GGGRR..... ANYWAY.. hhrgh...................#Maybe that's something I can ask playtesters I guess like.. I feel like I don't know my own audience very well because I am not#much of a media person?? ironically.. Like I do enjoy MAKING media. But I've never been in a fandom. I've never read fanfiction. I've never#spent much time in those spaces. I've just never really had the inclination and don't personally derive much joy out of stuff like that#(since I'm already so focused on my OWN world and projects its like.. hard for me to even find the time and mental energy to expend on#others). Even when I finish a movie or game and really like it.. I just kind of like...move on? and don't really dwell on it much? At most#I will get into the worldbuilding of a piece of media and read the wiki for a while or watch Lore info or critical analysis videos. But I#never really care for or attach to the characters or the plot itself very much. So I feel like.. the way my brain works. I'm just not as#good at approaching things from that angle? Kind of like how if you're a lifelong vegetarian whos never eaten meat - you might#struggle to write an ad for fancy brand of steaks bc you'd be like... idk what meat eaters are even looking for? whats the selling point??#Which I'm not saying that I wouldn't play my own game. i AM definitely the audience for it. But it's more like.. I would play it for my own#very niche specific reasons that I think are different from what MOST people might want to play it for. So I need to somehow#tap into the minds of the Majority who play things for Normal Reasons than pure lore collection or whatever lol.
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agentlove · 11 months ago
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i feel like it’s really easy for people to get the impression with my fua stuff that lancaster is my Favorite Character™️ and i do certainly love and think about him a lot and find him the easiest to make stuff for that Appeals To Me because LOOK AT HIM, but the character who is my genuine favorite that i find a lot of comfort in and adore so much that it loops back around to being unable to articulate anything about them is actually love. I cannot express how much i love her.
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electroniccollectiondonut · 21 days ago
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i'm through ruin and rising in my reread of the grishaverse books and wow that ending does not hit as hard when i'm not already reeling from real life grief and turning to books for an escape.
#the first time i read the books was last summer and i blew through them all and the show in the week surrounding my grandpa's death#and like he'd been dying for years but i think it got me quite hard because there was already so much change going on in my life#and i was being leaned on a lot to help arbitrate the inheritance fights and plan the memorials#as i always am bc i am the only one in this family capable of not letting a crisis steal my ability to use my brain#anyway the themes of grief and loss in the ending of ruin and rising hit me HARD the first time i read it#but rereading now with a clear mind there is still definitely that echo of grief#and i think there always will be just because of the fact that my first contact with this series was so colored by it#but i am also able to look at it more from a storytelling point of view and say that damn. all that character development over the course o#three books should have earned an ending that made more sense. the new sun summoners thing was out of nowhere.#also for the last two books and change its been pointed out repeatedly how similar alina and the darkling are in attitude and values#and having her lose her powers was such a swerve away from that that it feels cheap#her and mal can retire to the orphanage eventually. they SHOULD. but before that i think she should be up there in os alta halping nikolai#and the triumvirate sort through all the sociopolitical muck that's going to come next#ruin and rising#grishaverse
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monster-noises · 4 months ago
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I hate having big terrible emotions that I don't feel comfortable putting in a tumblr text post
Cause it means I have nowhere to Put Them and so they just keep swimming around in my head and poisoning me
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vaguely-concerned · 6 months ago
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few things bring me as much joy as my rook's expressive capacity for sudden withering disdain. (he's looking at illario here, of course lmao.) he's so hey i'm just a little guy...🥺 coded most of the time and then someone says something dumb enough that the mask cracks for a moment and every line of him says 'that is the stupidest fucking thing anyone has ever said to me and I'm aggrieved to even have had to hear it'. rye is mostly very kind but there IS a bastard lurking in his head waiting to be let out as well. not just solas but solas too I suppose. two bastards in rye ingellvar's head they keep each other company and are trying to strangle each other as we speak 😌.
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(vs. him looking over at lucanis a moment later during the same line delivery. since lucanis was actively into viago once I cannot imagine that getting to watch rye crack and be kind of mean to people who've earned it when too sorely tried is like. entirely without allure to him fhskjadf. witnessing illario pulling the old ingratiating 'rooook reason with him would you~ I'm the cousin with the charisma stats' routine and This being rook's response probably opened some as of yet ill-understood '...I think I hauve covid' corners of lucanis' soul. tfw your buddy has your back so completely (dawning erotic implications))
#rye 🤝harding: repressed rage that sometimes comes out in some not so pleasant ways when they get pushed too far lol#rye more so than harding I think I feel like he could get truly fucking MEAN under the right pressures#like what solas did for example :) but that's asshole against asshole combat and all bets are off anyway#I think he'd do borderline anything to not make it happen in close interpersonal relationships but like. to the point of his own detriment#kind of thing. who in this lighthouse can teach some of these little guys that anger can be felt and expressed in healthy ways#(probably davrin honestly he seems like a pretty safe dude to have conflict with. unflinching in his own view but fair and also kind)#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#rookanis#rook x lucanis#I find it really interesting how rook's expressions seem to kind of sit different on their face depending on how you make them btw!#rye has a sharp narrow little face and quite upturned corners of the mouth when neutral plus the makeup heightening the features#which I think might be what gives him that really pronounced curl of the lip that reads sort of disdainful/quite sharp#when that facial animation plays#where that expression doesn't come through as prominently on some other rooks I've seen#but they look more natural when they smile for example#fascinating to think about how that stuff plays into your impression of who your rook is!#this is the first da game where the facial animation has been good enough for that to really be a factor I feel#also wondering if that might have some part in how people have received other characters too honestly -- in previous games#almost all real emotional expressiveness has had to be delivered through dialogue and voice acting#b/c the animation really couldn't carry it off with any nuance the vast majority of the time. so people don't quite give the credence#to the details of expression of body language and face that they might have now that it's actually technically available to put in there#which is a shame b/c I've found a lot of delight in what the animation adds to the characterization in this game!#lucanis is a big example of that especially early on in the romance I feel but it pops up all over the place honestly!#anyway. all this to say. I love my rook very much I'm not sure I've ever been this badly oc blorbo brained before in my life lol#(hawke doesn't count b/c hawke almost feels too set to be an oc entirely. and we love them for that that's not in any way a criticism)
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two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat · 9 months ago
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Ooooookay so not sure im gonna keep going to walmart to get my groceries unless absolutely necessary cuz the one closest to my house is awful
Its fucking massive. The app tells you the wrong aisles for everything. And there were way too many fucking people. Not a fan.
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rawliverandgoronspice · 2 years ago
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late to the 25th year anniversary mark of oot but like
can we just... remember how absolutely mindblowing it was to play this game for the first time, and in the first half hour you get summoned by a giant talking tree who then opens its mouth so that you can dive deep into its cobwebbed vegetal insides to battle a horrible spider crawling above your head in a dark underground room --and then you win, and the tree dies anyway, tells you about a mystical legend and send you on your way?
and then you leave the forest and the world is *so vast*?
I feel like we (including myself) sort of take this opening for granted nowadays, but the absolute shock I felt when playing this for the first time? My tiny self already loved videogames back then, but I had basically zero experience with 3D or games that focused more on story or mood, and the sheer peculiar mood that blended the epic, the childlike fun, the mystical and the offputting and creepy smacked me across the face so hard I never truly recovered
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impossible-rat-babies · 1 year ago
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ngl I do think my biggest gripe with myths of the realm in a narrative sense is having it be so late in 14’s life means you end up with a lot of unanswered questions that are just a result of how the content wasn’t created until later
#why do we not have the involvement of the gods? bc this is side content + we didn’t do anything with this until now#it puts these very important parts of the world in a weird spot#esp with a plot about deities in a setting that have been around since the start of the game#and ngl for me it’s kind all or nothing when you start doing stuff with deities#I love pillars of eternity because it just dives into the deep end of deities#14 has divinity stuff written all over it w the primals and such#but I just wish we got a bit more nuance and less questions answered#I see mechanically why aglaia suffers and it really is brain off for healers#as someone who brain off heals it#but like. with any content you gotta account for shit going the worst#and I’ve had runs of eurovision and thaleia that go to hell and a hand basket#which is always begs the question in designing content of is it hard or are the runs just shit#or rather is the content hard and/or do you just have shit runs#I do miss the aspect of kinda random fuckery you have to adapt to in ivalice#like the swing of the ewer and the placement of aoes going through the middle of the stage#I’ve learned to love the proximity markers on the tower guy#even as I curse having to scrap people up off the ground#all of the nier raids have some element of having to adapt to mechanics in some fashion#and I would like that sort of stuff more#owen talks#I ain’t discussing this I’m just throwing my opinions out there#endwalker spoilers
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vaguely-concerned · 5 months ago
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peter benson as henry vi adding a mirthless little laugh after the second half of 'may god forgive my sins, and pardon thee', as if to add on the sentiment of lmao fat chance!! on his way out, was such an inspired choice hfkjdsah. also very sad of course. (in the 1965 version henry seems so genuine when he says that, and it's just like... what a quiet triumph it is, in the middle of black despair, that what's gentle and good in him somehow survived through everything right to the end. he's lost everything, but it hasn't changed who he fundamentally is. and what other victory can we hope for in this life when it comes right down to it. while in the 1983 version there is the sense that something has broken inside him with this last blow, with the death of his son.)
#henry vi part 3#shakespeare#benson's physicality and mannerisms as henry are SO good. literally did not occur to me at any point watching the play#that that's not a real guy that's an actor playing a role. that's my good if deeply useless friend henry vi of england#manages to add in the deep sense that like... henry sees much more than he lets on he just doesn't know what to do with it too#the actor was a bit older when he did this role I guess there's some gravitas and fine detail that's hard to bring without it#also the layers it adds to the whole thing that he and richard actually look so much alike -- both usually the shortest slightest figures#on stage during in their respective scenes both with the dark hair and ah nose-forward profiles (affectionate#in case you do not know me and my ardent love for prominent noses lol). extremely different people but SOMETHING resonates#also not to be predictable but HUGE fan of how ron cook does richard's little speech after killing henry too#I don't think I've ever seen a performance of that where it feels so much like you are watching him reach a conclusion#in an irrevoccable sort of way -- like it's a process you're going through at the same time as him not a foregone conclusion#you are arriving there with him every step of the way. he's not running towards something he's running away from something#(himself. and how much he hates himself)#that edge of slight bewilderment and desperation beneath it all. the way it's like he's talking to himself around something#he doesn't understand. when you let some vulnerability into that scene something happens that makes my brain on fire lol#the embrace of despair of it all because you can't see anything else for yourself anymore. and you kill a guy about it
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transannabeth · 1 year ago
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i need to get more into filipino music please does anyone have any recs
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itwoodbeprefect · 1 year ago
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just had the experience of succesfully sounding out แว่นกันแดด in my head, recognizing those sounds ("waen kan daet") as something i'd seen in transliterated script, confidently going "zonnebril!", and then seeing it translated as sunglasses and going wait?? that was wrong?? for a whole two seconds before remembering that no, those words actually do all fit into the same mold, i was just pouring a different language into it by accident
#i made a pancakes-for-dinner sort of sunglasses when they should have been pancakes-for-breakfast sunglasses#is there a paper somewhere on third or fourth language acquisition through a second language? i bet there is. there should be#anyway. there is this (anecdotal? but i assume widely shared) phenomenon i've been thinking about a lot#in which a person hears (or says or thinks) some words. two seconds pass. they can't remember what language the words were in#you remember the content just fine! but the way it got to your brain? who knows#happened to my mother recently when we watched a dutch movie and afterwards she recalled it as 90 minutes of english#because there was a gun in it. which felt american to her#happened to ME recently too in fact. when i had to think hard after being told the boy and the heron had english subtitles in our theater#as we were walking out of the theater!! and the only way i got to a place of going hey yeah! was by remembering a moment#while watching the movie. of consciously going 'huh they chose to translate some of this japanese as 'ain't'. interesting'#and ain't ain't dutch!! definitive proof they DID show that japanese movie with english subtitles in our dutch theater!!#this wall of tags isn't (ain't) going anywhere except. i think the zonnebril confusion is a version of this happening but maybe. like.#with a faint zonnebril echo still in my brain. sunglasses sounds different but for a moment there i didn't realize that's not because#it's a different concept. but because i had pulled the wrong language string attached to this one concept. or something#*#you know what sometimes i kid myself into thinking i don't think about language much more than the average person#but then i look at myself and my half-remembered linguistics degree and every hobby i've ever had and i go hm. hmmmm
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