#source: MikeBurnFire

[fanby-fckry]

Alastor: *Going on a murderous rampage*

Alastor: I want all of this blood! Give me the blood! Blood blood blood blood blood-

Alastor: Give me your blood, Angel! :)

Angel Dust: I can’t tell if you’re going crazy or just having a normal day!

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Cinder: I'm a lesbian! If you kill me it's a hate crime!

Jaune: I don't care about your sexual Preferences, shut up and Die Quietly.

[the-black-bulls]

Asta: We went to the zoo with Vice Captain Nacht, Zora and Gauche.

Noelle: And we found out their one weakness.

[earlier that day, at the penguin pens]

Gauche: [uncharacteristically happy] Penguins!

Zora: [picks a penguin up] This one's got a little hat!

Nacht: [squeals of joy]

[laserdog10]

Harriet: Did anybody ever tell you about how if you eat match heads you sweat out the sulfur and it keeps the mosquitoes from you?

Marrow: I may have heard that, but I don’t think I did it.

Harriet: Oh.

Marrow: Did you eat match heads?

Harriet: No...

Marrow: That’s a very guilty ‘no.’

Harriet: Yes...I did...

Marrow: Did it keep away the mosquitoes?

Harriet: NO IT FUCKING DIDN’T ‘CAUSE THE MOSQUITOES WERE THE SIZE OF C-130′S AND THEY-

Marrow: *wheezing uncontrollably*

[5282017]

[Roxanna]: ...Oh God, we're getting shot at again. Hang on. ...where's my coinshot? [Ellen]: Are you loading your shotgun with money?! [Roxanna]: YES. It's Legion money, it's not worth anything! [Ellen]: OK, still though... The concept of shooting money at the enemy... [Roxanna]: Yeah, I solve problems by throwing money at it until it goes away. (Source): https://www.youtube.com/user/mikeburnfire  

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Ren: the GAH-NOKEY?IT'S GNOCHI You Inbred, fucking fried chicken stuffing, meatball devourering Well-done Steak-

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Ruby's Gun Rants

Based on @howlingdays "Jaune Buys a gun" ... Series?

Jaune: Hey, what about this thing?

Ruby: WHAT IN THE BROTHERS HOLY NAME IS THIS PIECE OF HOT TRASH!?!

Jaune: Jeez, You don't need to say that about every gun I pick out.

Ruby: This ... This is something Else. This is something else entirely.

Jaune: That's a weird barrel, I'll say that.

Ruby: It's got a modified grip from a 249 Machine Gun on it.

Jaune: The ... Lower Receiver?

Ruby: The thing that you're supposed to hold onto at the front? That's ripped straight of a 249 machine gun, but for some reason it's got part of the barrel jacket ... from a Lewis gun?

Ruby: I don't know why there's a water recirculating tube on it because, I presume, They looked at a Maxim Gun and thought that that would be cool, to make it water cooled, except the Lewis gun is air cooled?

Ruby: It's got anti Aircraft sights on it ...

Jaune: Really?

Ruby: Yeah, these - these sights are straight up anti aircraft sights.

Ruby: It's got a carry Handle on the side of it, from some LMG, Which make NO sense whatsoever!

Jaune: Believe or not Ruby, some people don't have a lot of resources and use what they have on hand to hodgepodge things together.

Ruby: .. This Charging handle makes no sense either, because the charging handle is at a weird angle, ... I don't understand how this charging handle is supposed to manipulate anything? there's not enough room to pull anyhting back, unless it's attached to a rack-and-pinion system? Or maybe it's got a Maxim bolt on it?

Ruby: Why would it have a Maxim bolt on the inside?!?

Ruby: -There's A disassembly lever from and AK on here! That trigger has some weird tabs coming off it, so it's like a Big Metal Boot, And it has a SIDE MAGAZINE that only hold TWENTY ROUND!?!?

Ruby: WHAT IS THIS!?!?!?

Jaune: Well if it held more rounds it'd stick out too far, you wouldn't be able to squeeze past doorways!

Ruby: This thing is such a piece of Shit!

Ruby: This is not an assault rifle! This is a monstrosity!

Jaune: It's an amalgamation, that's all-

Ruby: Where are the Mistralian Assault Rifles that are a dime a dozen in Atlas!

Jaune: Well we're not in Atlas.

Ruby: What happened to the Service Rifles All over Vacuo!

Jaune: We're not in Vacuo.

Ruby: Why would you water Cool it, when it Clearly has the back of an air-cooled Lewis Gun?

Jaune: Are-Are you asking me? 'Cause I don't know. Or are you screaming into the abyss?

Ruby: I'm screaming into the Abyss about this God-Awful Pointless monstrosity, that should not be!

Ruby: When I try to Shoulder it! I-I can't hold it steady. I can't control this. I can't even Control it. It's too heavy.

Jaune: Why do you have to hate some things? Why can't you just ... Like some things and not care about others?

Ruby: Because some things are utter trash and shouldn't exist.

Ruby: Ugh. I'd feel better about using a Martini Henry than this thing.

Jaune: So if you had to choose between this assault Rifle, or ...

Ruby: A single shot Rifle in a caliber that doesn't exists anymore? I would take the Single Shot Rifle in a caliber that doesn't exists anymore.

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Ruby: Do you have a lot of Ammo that you wanna get rid of quickly?

Ruby: Do you have a bunch of enemies that you want to throw lead at as fast as humanly possible?

Ruby: Do you hate that guy over there and want him justs-s absolutely suppressed for three minutes?

Ruby: Then Buy the PKM Light Machine Gun!

Ruby: Standing for words in Solitasean that I don't understand, PKM is an Acronym.

Ruby: Using a long-stroke gas-operating system, with an open bolt assembly, the PKM is capable of throwing large amounts of ammunition at approximately anywhere from 650 all the way up to 800 rounds per minute.

Jaune: So I point the barrel at the thing I want to die, squeeze the trigger, and death comes out?

Ruby: Yes, Pretty much.

[5282017]

[Ellen]: How would you rate my companionship? [Roxanna]: Oh, You are a solid... 7.2. [Ellen]: ... I'll take it!

[Ellen]: ...Well, I think you're at 11. [Roxanna]: Oh! [Ellen]: My scale goes up to a hundred though. [Roxanna]: *through laughter* Well, fuck you then! (Source): https://www.youtube.com/user/mikeburnfire  

[5282017]

[Roxanna]: …I’ve gotten stuck in a ventilation shaft before.

[Ellen]:  I wasn't aware of that!

[Roxanna]: Yeah, I used to explore abandoned buildings for fun and got stuck in a vent.

[Ellen]: How did you get out?

[Roxanna]: Uh eventually I managed to get myself unstuck.

[Ellen]: What would have happened if you hadn't gotten unstuck?

[Roxanna]: I would have probably starved to death.

[Ellen]: Oh!

[Roxanna]: Well no I had a backup plan which was to--

[Ellen]: Scream for help?

[Roxanna]: No, my backup plan was I left my mom, of all people, a note beforehand that said “Mom, I'm breaking into an abandoned building. If I don't return in two hours, call the police and tell them I'm dead.”

[Ellen]: …I'm sure she was happy to see that message! (Source): https://www.youtube.com/user/mikeburnfire  

[5282017]

[Ellen]: "Am I more fun than Roxanna? I'm probably more fun with Roxanna."

(Source): https://twitter.com/mikeburnfire