#speaker placement calculator

[avtechnologysworld]

How to Choose the Right Number of Speakers for Any Room

Choosing the right number of speakers for any room is a crucial decision that can significantly impact your audio experience, whether it’s for a home theater, music studio, or even a simple living room setup. The sound quality and spatial sound greatly depend on how many speakers you integrate into your space. Utilizing tools such as a ceiling speaker placement calculator can help you determine optimal speaker placement to achieve the best audio performance. With over 15 years of experience in content creation, I aim to provide you with a comprehensive guide that covers everything from the basics of speaker configuration to advanced integration techniques for audio-visual (AV) systems.

The Importance of Choosing the Right Number of Speakers for Any Room

Selecting the appropriate number of speakers is not just a matter of filling a room with sound; it's about creating an immersive experience. The right configuration can enhance clarity, depth, and emotional engagement with whatever audio content you are enjoying. Here are a few reasons why this choice is vital:

Sound Quality:

Too few speakers may result in poor sound distribution, while too many can cause audio distortion and muddiness.

Room Dimensions:

The size and acoustics of your room play a significant role in determining the right number of speakers. Purpose of the Setup: Different audio setups cater to varying needs—be it music, movies, or gaming.

Budget Considerations:

More speakers often mean higher costs. Understanding your needs helps streamline expenses.

Future Upgradability:

Knowing the right number of speakers allows for easier integration of new technology as it becomes available.

In this blog, we will explore the best practices for choosing the right number of speakers, including considerations for room size, speaker types, and integration with AV system integration software.

Understanding Room Acoustics

The Role of Room Size and Shape

Before diving into how many speakers to choose, it’s essential to assess your room’s dimensions and layout. The size and shape of a room greatly influence sound behavior. Here are key aspects to consider:

Volume:

Larger rooms may require more speakers to fill the space adequately.

Shape:

Rectangular rooms may have different sound reflections compared to square rooms, affecting how sound waves travel.

Surface Materials:

Hard surfaces reflect sound, while soft furnishings absorb them. Consider how this will impact your setup.

Measuring Room Acoustics

The use of software tools, including AV system integration software, can help analyze your room’s acoustics. This analysis will guide you in selecting the appropriate speakers and their placement.

Types of Speakers

Passive vs. Active Speakers

Understanding speaker types is essential for choosing the right configuration.

Passive Speakers:

Require an external amplifier to power them. They often provide better sound quality but require more complex setup.

Active Speakers:

Have built-in amplifiers and are generally easier to set up. They are perfect for smaller rooms or simpler configurations.

Surround Sound Systems

For home theaters, a surround sound system typically includes:

Front Speakers: Left, Right, and Center

Surround Speakers: Usually placed beside or behind the listener

Subwoofer: For deep bass sounds

In-Wall and Ceiling Speakers

In-wall and ceiling speakers can be an excellent solution for maintaining a clean aesthetic while providing quality sound. The ceiling speaker placement calculator can guide you in determining their optimal positioning.

How to Determine the Right Number of Speakers

Step 1: Assessing Room Dimensions

Measure your room’s length, width, and height. Use these metrics to determine the volume of the space, which will inform how many speakers are necessary.

Step 2: Define the Purpose of the Audio System

Identify what you’ll primarily use the audio system for—music listening, movie watching, gaming, etc. Each use case may require a different number of speakers.

Step 3: Use a Ceiling Speaker Placement Calculator

Utilizing a ceiling speaker placement calculator can simplify the placement process. Input your room dimensions and desired audio configuration to receive personalized recommendations.

Step 4: Consider Speaker Types and Configuration

Decide whether you want a stereo setup, surround sound, or a combination of both. Here are some configurations to consider:

2.0 Stereo System: Two speakers for simple music listening.

5.1 Surround Sound: Five speakers and one subwoofer for immersive movie experiences.

7.1 Surround Sound: Adding additional surround speakers for an even richer audio experience.

Step 5: Future-Proofing Your Setup

Consider whether you may want to upgrade your system in the future. Opting for a slightly larger system might allow for easier integration of additional speakers later.

Frequently Asked Questions

How many speakers do I need for a small room?

For small rooms, a 2.0 stereo system or a 5.1 surround sound setup can work well, depending on your audio needs.

Can I mix different types of speakers?

Yes, mixing different types of speakers is possible, but ensure they have compatible specifications to avoid sound quality issues.

Do I need a subwoofer?

If you enjoy bass-heavy content, a subwoofer is highly recommended, especially for movies and music genres like hip-hop or electronic.

What’s the best placement for surround speakers?

Surround speakers should be placed to the side or slightly behind the listening area, generally at ear level.

Can ceiling speakers replace traditional speakers?

Yes, ceiling speakers can effectively replace traditional speakers, especially in spaces where aesthetics are a priority.

How do I know if my room needs acoustic treatment?

If you notice excessive echo or sound distortion, consider acoustic treatments like panels or sound-absorbing materials.

What software can help with AV integration?

Popular AV system integration software includes Crestron, Control4, and Savant, which can simplify setup and control.

Is 7.1 better than 5.1?

A 7.1 system provides a more immersive sound experience, but 5.1 is often sufficient for most home theater setups.

Conclusion

Choosing the right number of speakers for any room is a thoughtful process that requires consideration of many factors, including room size, desired audio experience, and future expandability. Utilizing tools like a ceiling speaker placement calculator and leveraging AV system integration software can enhance your setup significantly. By following the guidelines outlined above, you can create an audio environment that not only meets your needs but also elevates your listening experience to new heights.

The right number of speakers can transform your space, making it feel alive with sound. Whether you're a casual listener or a serious audiophile, thoughtful planning will yield the best results. This blog will serve as an extensive resource for anyone looking to optimize their audio experience, making it an essential read for those interested in sound design and home entertainment.

[av-industry-blog]

Ceiling Speaker Placement and Ideal Distance from Walls

Ceiling speakers have gained popularity for their ability to provide immersive audio experiences while blending seamlessly into the room décor. Whether you're setting up a home theater, a commercial space, or a multi-room audio system, proper ceiling speaker placement plays a critical role in maximizing sound quality and achieving the desired acoustic ambiance. In this comprehensive guide, we will explore the importance of ceiling Speaker Placement.

Section 1: Understanding Ceiling Speaker Placement

Ceiling speaker placement involves strategically positioning speakers in a way that optimizes audio coverage and ensures balanced sound distribution throughout the room. By following best practices, you can create a captivating listening experience for your audience. Here are key factors to consider:

1.1 Room Size and Shape: The size and shape of the room influence the placement of ceiling speakers. Consider the dimensions, ceiling height, and seating arrangement to determine the number of speakers required and their optimal locations. For example, larger rooms may require additional speakers for even sound distribution.

1.2 Speaker Coverage: To achieve uniform sound coverage, aim to position ceiling speakers so that they radiate sound evenly throughout the room. Overlapping coverage zones help eliminate dead spots and prevent localized sound imbalances.

1.3 Speaker Directivity: Ceiling speakers come in various designs, including wide dispersion and narrow dispersion models. Wide dispersion speakers disperse sound over a larger area, making them suitable for open spaces, while narrow dispersion speakers provide focused sound projection and are ideal for smaller rooms or specific listening areas.

Section 2: Ideal Distance of Ceiling Speakers from Walls

Ceiling speaker placement is not solely about their position within the room; it also involves determining the optimal distance between the speakers and nearby walls. Consider the following factors when determining this distance:

2.1 Reflections and Acoustic Interference: When ceiling speakers are placed too close to walls, sound reflections and interference can occur, negatively impacting audio quality. Reflections can cause echo, phase cancellation, and muddiness. To minimize these issues, it is generally recommended to position ceiling speakers at least 1 to 2 feet away from adjacent walls.

2.2 Boundary Effects: The proximity of ceiling speakers to walls can influence the bass response in the room. Placing speakers too close to walls can result in excessive bass buildup due to the reinforcement effect caused by boundaries. Conversely, positioning speakers too far from walls can lead to reduced bass response. To strike a balance, aim for a distance of about 1 to 2 feet from walls to minimize boundary effects.

2.3 Room Acoustics: Every room has its unique acoustic characteristics, which can affect the sound produced by ceiling speakers. Factors such as wall materials, furniture placement, and room dimensions can impact sound reflections and reverberations. Experimenting with speaker placement and utilizing acoustic treatments can help optimize sound quality in your specific environment.

Section 3: Achieving the Perfect Balance

Achieving the perfect balance in ceiling speaker placement involves a combination of careful planning, consideration of room characteristics, and subjective listening tests. Here are additional tips to enhance your audio experience:

3.1 Experimentation and Fine-Tuning: Don't be afraid to experiment with speaker positioning within the recommended distance range. Small adjustments in speaker placement can have a noticeable impact on sound quality. Take the time to fine-tune the placement and listen to various audio sources to find the optimal configuration.

3.2 Professional Consultation: For complex installations or spaces with challenging acoustic properties, seeking the expertise of an AV professional can be invaluable. They can analyze room acoustics, recommend the optimal speaker placement, and implement advanced acoustic treatments if necessary.

[astrolook]

Mercury in the houses

(Where does your brain do the most damage? Let’s find out! 😆)

Mercury in the 1st House: "I Talk, Therefore I Am." 📝

Speaks like they’re in a debate competition—even when ordering coffee. ☕

When it comes to job/career, can succeed in anything requiring fast thinking, persuasion, or scamming people legally. (Lawyer, salesperson, journalist.)

Will text you a 3-paragraph explanation for why they took 5 minutes to reply. 📱

Probably debated with your siblings (if you have any) so much as a child they now have trust issues.

Flirts like it's a TED Talk—informative, persuasive, and slightly exhausting.

Looks like their pen was possessed by a demon mid-word. 👻

Your brain runs at 5G speed, but their mouth runs at 6G.

Mercury in the 2nd House: "Money Talks… and So Do I!"💰

Talks slow and calculated—like they’re charging per word.

For job/career, you are perfect for finance, business, or making passive-aggressive Etsy shops.

"Who owes me $15 from 2020? I remember."

Your Handwriting: Fancy-looking cursive that belongs on an expensive check. ✍️

If has family, you might have an Excel sheet of who spent what on Christmas gifts. 🎁

Watches finance YouTubers like they’re movies.

Mercury in the 3rd House: "I Have 1000 Thoughts Per Minute."

Can out-talk an auctioneer. Never. Shuts. Up. Talks so fast, even their Wi-Fi can’t keep up.

For job/career, you could do well as journalist, social media manager, or that one coworker who emails at 3 AM.

Chaotic bisexual, pansexual, or flirts for sport. 🏆

Handwriting: Could be unreadable. Like a doctor’s prescription.

Probably has 50 tabs opened at once.

ADHD? I've seen this placement with people who has mercury in 3rd house.

Mercury in the 4th House: "Let’s Overthink Our Childhood."📝

When they talk it sounds like a therapist even when giving food orders.

For job/career, anything home-based (Freelancer, therapist, professional nostalgic, home maker).

Writes long emotional texts and then deletes them.

They're the one that tells their sibling, "Mom always liked me better" or "You're adopted".

Handwriting: Cutesy and emotional—like a grandma’s love letter.

On their social media accounts, they posts sentimental throwbacks way too much.

Biggest Flaw: Lives in the past.

Mercury in the 5th House: "Flirting is My Second Language."📝

Flirty, dramatic, and annoyingly charming.

For job/career, anything creative—actor, writer, public speaker, meme creator.

Flirts with everyone, dates no one. Flirting in the comments section.

Was the funny but annoying child.

Can’t take anything seriously.

Mercury in the 6th House: "I think in bullet points."

If anyone asks them a question, it would sound like a Google search result.

For job/career, perfectionist boss (or their employee’s worst nightmare).

Too busy analyzing red flags to enjoy romance.

Handwriting: Neat, small, and borderline obsessive.

Leaves detailed Yelp reviews.

Mercury in the 7th House: "Let’s Discuss This… Again."📝

Speaks in "we" instead of "I" (even when they’re single).

For job/career, they are good at lawyer, diplomat, or customer service expert.

Always "the mediator" in sibling fights.

Plays marriage counselor to their parents.

Can’t be alone, but overthinks commitment.

Mercury in the 8th House: "Secrets? I Know Them All."📝

The way they talk: Low voice, deep words, big secrets.

For job/career, they're good at investigator, psychologist, hacker, or a blackmail expert.

In love, communicates in mystery and sexual tension.

Handwriting: Looks like a serial killer’s notes.

Leaves cryptic tweets.

Won’t admit their sexuality… but they are. Sometimes they could be straight, but a sibling could be gay.

Mercury in the 9th House: "I will talk your ear off about philosophy and conspiracy theories" 📝

Flirts by explaining history.

In love, turns deep convos into foreplay.

Probably thinks they’re smarter than their parents.

Posts long Reddit rants.

Handwriting: Could be messy, but big and confident.

For job/career, could excel at teacher, philosopher, or annoying podcast host.

Mercury in the 10th House: "I’m CEO of Overthinking My Career."📝

Talks like a LinkedIn post and takes life too seriously.

For job/career, could be a CEO, politician, or a corporate robot, lol.

Will literally schedule date nights.

Takes love as seriously as a business contract.

Will only befriend "useful people."

Mostly posts work-related updates.

Mercury in the 11th House: "I'm the human embodiment of a Reddit thread"📝

Speaks like they’re in a sci-fi movie.

Tech startup, social activist, or online troll.

In love, probably falls for their best friend.

Might like the idea of "open-minded" relationships.

The "black sheep" of the family.

Handwriting: Either it looks like it belongs on a protest sign or kinda bad.

Mercury in the 12th House: "Did I Say That Out Loud?"

Mumbles, forgets what they were saying.

Job/Career: Psychic, therapist, or mysterious writer. If writes, these people would write under a pen name.

Either super close to their siblings or never speaks to them.

Very much into horror, psychological thriller movies.

Handwriting: Looks like a haunted diary.

Terrible at explaining emotions but fantastic at writing it.

Mercury is where your brain lives, where your mouth runs, and where your Wi-Fi connection to reality glitches. 😆🌍✨

Curious about your birth chart and what it's really saying about you? 🌟 Slide into my DMs for a personalized astrology reading, and let's unlock the secrets of your stars. ✨ Don’t forget to check out my pinned post for pricing details! 🔮 Let’s make those cosmic connections happen! 🌙🌌

[astrocafecoffee]

Destiny Matrix

(predicting some events of your life and characteristics of your fs)

• For entertainment purposes only, enjoy •

•☞ Masterlist

Guys, destiny matrix chart is So gorgeous 😭 , I fell in love. I am new to this, but it's so fascinating, so I am sharing with you guys. Obviously I learnt a lot from ann_matrix_destiny insta page. I explained some of her work here, rest is mine.

✨What is Destiny matrix chart?

-A spiritual and metaphysical chart that reveals a person's life path, soul purpose, and potential.

✨How is it calculated?

-Based on a person's birth date, using a complex system of numerology and astrological correspondences.

💫 How to see some important events of your life?

see this area(perimeter line)of your chart , this will explain many important events of your life.

💚Age of getting married/ meeting with your significant other/ spouse:

- look at your age in your chart, if you see 3,5,6,19,20 at the top of your age then at that age you will get married/ meet your significant other/ start a family. Like in this chart I have shown above '5' is top of the age of 23.5- 24, so this individual will meet their spouse at that age/ get married.

• Going through Transformation in your life :

- if you see 13 or 16 at the top of your age , then at that age your life will drastically change/ you will go through a huge transformation of your life. You will change your location/ your career/ will shift to another country or city.

⚡Moving abroad/ travelling:

If you see 7,10,21,22 above your age then this is the best age for travelling or going abroad.

if you find 21 in your love line(circled part)then most probably you will marry a foreigner.

And if you find 7, 10 , 21 or 22 in this positions then most probably you will go abroad/ find your partner there .

Now , the future spouse part : -

💖 Hints about your future partner :

Look at the number below the heart symbol to know about your future partner. In this chart it's 21.

So, let's explain each numbers -

•Number 1: The magician

- creative and innovative

- skilled and talented

- confident and charismatic

- however they may also struggled with over - confidence and arrogance.

- gemini / Virgo zodiac sign placements

- profession : musicians, writer, public speaker, coaches and mentors , scientist, entrepreneur, marketing and advertising professionals.

- meeting: conference or seminar, art galleries, meuseum, workshop or studio, networking events or industry conference, class or training session.

• Number 2 : High Priestess

- intuitive and wise

- mysterious and enigmatic

- maybe quiet and reserved.

- soft spoken and considerate.

- cancer zodiac sign placements.

- profession: councillors, therapists, psychologist, Nurse or healthcare professionals, social workers, spiritual leaders, energy workers.

- meeting: secret or private settings, libraries, coaching, weddings , meeting in the context of any spiritual retreats.

• Number 3 : Empress

- Full of life , energy and vitality.

- encouraging others to grow and flourish.

- committed, dedicated and faithful.

- Taurus and Libra zodiac sign placements.

- profession: fashion designer , sculptors, teachers and educators,event planer, environmentalists, musicians, healthcare.

- meeting through : parties, gatherings, festival, fair, creative workshops, artistic projects ,meuseum, concerts.

• Number 4 : Emperor

- Natural born leader, authoritative, commanding.

- makes tough decisions with clarity and conviction.

- commited to family and responsibilities.

- zodiac sign: Aries placements.

- profession: executive, CEO, leader or manager, military officer, architect, Engineer, government officials, buisness owner.

- meeting : buisness meeting, job interviews, formal events , official ceremonies.

• Number 5 : Hierophant

- values established customs, rituals, and institutions.

- upholds ethical standards and moral principles.

- prioritise stability and security over change and uncertainty.

- Taurus zodiac sign placements

- profession: spiritual leaders and mentors, councellor , advisor or consultants, traditional healers or healthcare professionals.

- meeting: spiritual or religious gatherings, traditional ceremonies or rituals, educational and training sessions , counciling or therapy sessions, church,temples , mosques.

• Number 6 : The lovers

- collaborative, work well others.

- empathetic and aware of others feelings.

- true to themselves and their values.

- zodiac sign: Gemini placements.

- profession: counselors, coaches , writer , journalist, artist, musicians, public speaker, philosophers , scientist, researchers.

- meeting : social getherings or parties , creative or artistic collaboration, Beauty or fashion events , community or networking meeting.

• Number 7 : The chariot

- Determined, self disciplined.

- ability to overcome any obstacles and setbacks

- has clear direction

- zodiac : cancer placements

- profession: nurses , social worker, military, architect, psychologist, chefs , nutritionist, hospitality professionals.

- Meeting: family gatherings, home or domestic settings, caregiving or helping professions.

• Number 8 : strength

- courageous, brave , have inner strength.

- has capacity to forgive and let go.

- has self discipline and self control.

- zodiac sign: leo placements

- profession: artist , designer, performers , public speaker, motivator, executives, philanthropist, teacher, councellor, athletes, trainers.

- meeting: park or garden, fitness or wellness center, creative studio or art space, festivals, social gatherings.

• Number 9 : Hermit

- quiet, reflective, and introspective often preferring to spend time alone

- serves as guide or mentor

- discerning and concious about every step they take.

- zodiac sign: Virgo placements.

- profession: therapist, counselors,teachers , coaches , writers, editors, healthcare industry, social worker.

- meeting: therapists or counselor office, library , spiritual or religious sanctuary, coffee shop , book store.

• Number 10 : wheel of fortune

- flexible, able to adjust to changing circumstances.

- believes in destiny

- have philosophical outlook on life.

- zodiac sign: Taurus, leo, scorpio, Aquarius placements.

- profession: life coach, astrologer, environmentalists, entrepreneur, investors, historians.

- meeting: a farm , airport, bus station, temple, monastery, party,park , near mountain or river.

• Number 11 : Justice

- impartial and balanced

- they make descision based on reason and logics.

- have strong sense of morality and ethics.

- zodiac sign: Libra placements

- profession: lawyer, judge, counselors, social worker, activists, advocate, journalist, analyst , or spiritual leader.

- meeting: courthouse, law office, government building, council chamber, community centre, places of worship, philosophical organization.

• Number 12 : Hanged Man

- they are reflective , look inward for answers.

- they are open to new settings.

- courageous, deep understanding of themselves.

- zodiac sign: Pisces placements

- profession : spiritual leaders, therapist, counselor , artist, writer, healthcare industry, motivator, life coach.

- meeting : temples , church , meditation room , yoga class , hospital, library, therapy office,art studio, gym.

• Number 13 : Death

- they are like phoenix from the ashes.

- they can navigate difficult situations and come out stronger.

- constantly growing and evolving.

- zodiac sign: scorpio placements

- profession: therapist, estate lawyers, spiritual leaders, scientist, healthcare professionals.

- meeting: counselling centre, place of worship, innovation hub or entrepreneurship centres, hospital, wellness center.

• Number 14 : Temperance

- they strive for equilibrium in all aspects of life .

- they prioritise physical, mental and emotional well-being.

- have creative sides.

- zodiac sign: Sagittarius placements .

- profession: doctor or nurse , therapist or counselor, artist or musicians, spiritual leader, international relation specialist , life coach , designer .

- meeting : art galleries or museums, embassies or international conference centres , community centres, clubs , parks , garden , spiritual center , yoga class.

• Number 15 : The devil

- they thinks outside the box and brings fresh ideas .

- magnetic personality, can attract others.

- unconventional, transformative.

- zodiac sign: Capricorn placements.

- profession: politician, CEO, artist, law enforcement, military, detective , investigators, activists, occultist.

- meeting: historic mansion or estate, a secret rooftop, art galleries, studio , book store, library , cafe.

• Number 16 : Tower

- they seek honesty and transparency even if it's uncomfortable.

- rebellious, resilient, revolutionary.

- they are open to new ideas.

- zodiac sign: Aries placements.

- profession : scientist, inventor, engineer, architect, military officer, crisis manager, technologist.

- meeting: transformation hub, a unique event space or art studio, bookstore, library, co-working space.

• Number 17 : Star

- they have a optimistic outlook of life and believe in a bright future.

- inspiring, peaceful, compassionate.

- creative and imaginative mind.

- zodiac sign: Aquarius placements.

- profession: creative expression, artist , industry related to healing and wellness, science and technology, humanitarian work, counselors.

- meeting: yoga studio or wellness center, botanical garden or peaceful outdoor setting, co-working space, concerts? , innovation hub.

• Number 18 : The Moon

- they trust their instincts and have a strong connection to their subconscious mind.

- deeply in touch with their emotions.

- unpredictable, may surprise other with their actions.

- zodiac sign : Pisces placements.

- profession : psychic or medium, artist or writer, musician, poet , spiritual teacher, healer, counselors.

- meeting: mystical or esoteric shop, secluded beach, art studio, a spiritual or metaphysical bookstore, coffee shop.

• Number 19 : Sun

- they exude self assurance and positivity.

- optimistic, enthusiastic, charismatic.

- warm hearted , willing to share blessings with others.

- zodiac sign: leo placements.

- profession: actor or performer, artist, CEO , teacher or mentor, event planner, musicians, life coach, designer.

- meeting: cafe / restaurant/ hotel , studio , gathering hall, auditorium, music festival.

• Number 20: Judgement

- they are introspective and willing to confront their past and inner self.

- self aware, have deep understanding of their strengths and weaknesses.

- awakened, courageous, honest.

- zodiac sign: scorpio placements

- profession : spiritual teacher or guide , therapist or counselor, life coach, researcher, artist or creative expression.

- meeting: spiritual center or temple, yoga class, a writer's workshop, park , garden , therapy or councilling office.

• Number 21: The world

- they have achieved their goals and fullfill their potential.

- compassions, wise, confident

- adventurous and global minded.( Most likely a foreigner)

- zodiac sign: Taurus, Capricorn, leo , placements.

- profession : global diplomat, artist ( global or universal theme) , cultural ambassador, world traveler, humanitarian work.

- meeting: while traveling, international conference centres , airport, spiritual retreat, international art or music venues.

• Number 22 : The fool

- they are willing to take risks and embark on new journeys.

- spontaneous, carefree , open minded.

- have faith in themselves and universe.

- zodiac sign: Aquarius placements.

- profession: entrepreneur or startup founder, activist, humanitarian work,coach or consultants, designer, scientist,teacher, journalist.

- meeting: spontaneous meet-up or pop up events, inspirational seminars, creative workshops,cafe or coffee shop, outdoor adventure location.

----------------✨✨----------------

END .....( I am tired af 😭)

☞ Healing through marriage

Thanks for reading 💓

-Piko ✨

[kylieastro]

© KylieAstro All Rights Reserved, do not copy, reword, rewrite on any social media or website without consent from the original creator.

𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐎 𝐎𝐁𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

I'm not a professional astrologer yet, nor a native english speaker

☆ Sun in the 1H may have some downsides which many people tend to overlook: high ego and egocentric behaviour. These people at worst may be enormous attention seekers, drama kings/queens and can't stand being away from the spotlight for long.

☆ Aquarius Mercuries hate being silenced for having different opinions, they're the ones always ready to fight for their ideals and it's very difficult to make them change an idea, they can be very stubborn about their beliefs.

☆ Moon Square Venus people may tend to have conflicting relationships with women/feminine figures, their inner feminine energy is often a bit repressed and they struggle to embody it healthily.

☆ Taurus Risings very often carry a fascinating contradiction within their personality, they ooze a calm, serene and collected demeanour lookin' all cute and warm while having an impressive amount of boundaries, strength, determination and hard working spirit. They carry the "silent strength" aura very well, and they often get to be perceived as more fragile than they actually are or even "babied" from other people.

☆ Capricorn Risings in most cases aren't actually "cold and intimidating" looking as descriptions claim them to be, they tend to have very large doe and dark eyes and cute cheeks, yet an aura which exudes mystery and boss vibes.

celebs examples: Damiano David, Kylie Jenner, Ariana Grande, Monica Bellucci, Jeon Junkook, John Legend, Aishwarya Rai, Naomi Campbell, Dakota Johnson, Charlie Puth, Lorde, Olivia Rodrigo

☆ Pluto in the 10H may face a lot of changes within their public image throughout the years, and they often tend to have people who have polarised opinions about them, people either love and obsess over them or completely hate them for no reason, they may go from being seen as the hero to the villain and vice versa in 3 days straight.

☆ Scorpio Rising always wins the award as the "Most Sultry, Seductive & Mysterious Rising Sign" hands down in my opinion, along with Pisces Rising

☆ Gemini Moons are one of the most overlooked moon signs along with Virgo & Taurus Moons. No one ever talks enough about how disgustingly smart and quick minded they are, most of them aren't actually "cheerful little clowns" as descriptions claim, they're way deeper than that and hugely intellectual and calculative, great strategists.

☆ Mars in the 11H/3H tend to face a lot of hardships and arguments around their friends, they may have friends turn to enemies real quick or a very teasing relationship with their friends. On another level they're the ones always ready to speak up and defend their beliefs, this one is a great placement for lawyers and debaters.

☆ Jupiter/Sagittarius in the 4H may come from very large families, they may be the ones having lots of brothers/sisters/uncles/cousins or their parents got married more than once. They may come from very religious homes/economically well-off/funny families.

☆ Saturn/Capricorn in the 4H on the opposite side, may indicate a small family, being an only child or just having few cousins/uncles, at worst it may even indicate not having a good relationship with their own families or a very cold/business like relationships with them.

[riversenchanted]

Where your mercury is placed is where you have intelligence at in your birth chart

Mercury 1st house/ Aries: Intelligent about knowing how to express themselves/fashion geniuses. These people are typically multi talented and able to be highly skilled at anything they pursue. They are like sponges for information!

Mercury 2nd house/Taurus: Intelligent about money,investing, and material possessions. These people are likely to own their own businesses or be investors of some kind. They may have multiple streams of income. A highly abundant placement to have!

Mercury 3rd house/ Gemini: The jack of all trades! Intelligent speakers, communicators, learners, teachers. People can learn a lot just by being in their presence. Their brains move just a little bit faster than the world around them. Sometimes this placement is prone to adhd.

Mercury 4th house/ Cancer: intelligent about family, emotions, counsel, cooking, home life. These people are commonly psychic/claircognizant. They always know the right thing to say. These are the people you go to when you need advice snd support.

Mercury 5th house/ Leo: intelligent about the arts, romance, children, self expression. These people bring light into the room. They have a creative genius like no other and a magic in the way they think and operate. They have a strong creative intelligence.

Mercury 6th house/ Virgo: intelligent about analysis, health, structure, and logic. These people make excellent doctors, judges, and politicians. They have a strong memory and interest in bettering others lives and keeping things balanced and fair. They analyze things deeply and are always looking for ways to help and improve any situation they face. They’re always calculating and taking in information.

Mercury 7th house/ Libra: Intelligent about relationships, justice, counsel, influence. These people are strong communicators and have the power to influence others and bring people together. They are diplomatic and fair. Always looking for the gray area and middle ground in any situation.

Mercury 8th house/Scorpio: intelligent about solving mysteries, uncovering truth, emotional depth. These people make good investigators. This placement shows a strong desire to uncover truth and have a deeper understanding of why things are the way they are. They tend to see through peoples facades easily. These people can be psychic or empathic.

Mercury 9th house/ Sagittarius: intelligent about philosophy, religion, travel, culture. These people have a wide variety of knowledge. They are the type of people who will have random facts about everything. They will spark conversation with anyone. Always eager to learn and very tactile in the way that they learn as well.

Mercury 10th house/ Capricorn: intelligent in business, work, legacy, and reputation. These people are extremely detail oriented. They have sharp minds and don’t forget anything to easily. These placements are adaptable and flexible. Willing to face challenges head on and grow from them. May have remarkable careers and be well known for their skills in the work field.

Mercury 11th house/ Aquarius: intelligent in networking, community, problem solving, innovation, technology. These people think 10 steps ahead at all times. These are the visionary’s. Their minds always at work and looking to the future. An inventors mind. These people bring others together to solve a common issue and work efficiently with others.

Mercury 12th house/ Pisces: intelligent in creativity, psychology, intuition, spirituality. These people have rich inner worlds but may have difficulty expressing it fully. They spend a lot of time in deep contemplation and are highly observant. They have a talent for compassion and deeply understanding others. They see things from multiple points of view and therefore have the ability to problem solve from multiple angles.

[selenepsyche]

FaMa.ExE: Decoding Megan Thee Stallion's Fama Persona Chart

Hey y'all! Welcome to the series where I read celebrity Fama Persona Charts, which are charts that describe what you could experience if you become famous and what you could be famous for. For our next celebrity, she is none other than the icon, Megan Thee Stallion.

I decided to do her next because ever since she dropped her newest song, "Whenever", there's been a lot of conversation online about her music. Not only because it flopped horridly, but because she expressed how disappointed she was about it on Instagram Live. People have expressed that they think she needs to switch up her flow/cadence, bring back Tina Snow, do a different genre or style, get a new producer, etc.

The thing is, Megan is very well known and popular. She got a fanbase. She is very popular for her beauty and aesthetics. If we being honest, she do be switching up her style sometimes musically. Sometimes she does rap about different topics even if it's mostly sexual or about being better than other female rappers. But if this is the case, why barely anybody streaming her music? I have decided to look at her FPC to see why, and damn, this chart is very telling.

MAIN PLACEMENTS

Let me start off by saying this woman has almost all her placements in this chart in Capricorn in the 7th house. Should we be surprised? Hell no. This is a very big stellium and a major way to show why so many highlights of her career have involved other people from collaborations or relationships. Uranus, Moon, Neptune, Mercury, Mars, Sun, AND Fama are in this stellium.

Along with this stellium, the Fama asteroid being included in it is an added indicator that she is going to be mostly known for her collaborations and relationships while she is famous. All this Capricorn energy shows how ambitious and hardworking she is within her career. But with this many planets in the 7th house, it's not a surprise that she has been in major conflicts with other celebrities and past relationships/friendships (Nicki Minaj, Pardison Fontaine). It's also a major indicator of the legal battle she has been in (Tory Lanez) and why she faces so much scrutiny from the public, even when she does nothing wrong.

Saturn and Jupiter Influence

Saturn rules Capricorn, and in this chart it's in the 9th house in Pisces. Saturn ruling her 7th house adds additional weight to her public interactions, contractual agreements, and relationships. With Saturn being in Pisces, this can indicate that some of her most significant relationships that she'll form while famous are spiritual or karmic. With it being in the 9th house, she is definitely gonna experience lessons surrounding faith, wisdom, and staying grounded.

But, she does have Saturn sextile Mercury, Mars, and Neptune. This can grant her the ability to communicate with authority and maturity. She may be seen as a commanding and impactful speaker. With Mars, her assertiveness may be disciplined and calculated. Her moves may be strategic and well thought out (Hiss). With Neptune, this will grant her the ability to use her artistic gifts to create impactful, influential narratives and ground her artistic vision, turning her dreams into tangible and long-lasting achievements.

Jupiter is in Sagittarius in her 6th house. Megan may have big dreams about her work and feel driven to explore new creative avenues, projects, and collaborations. This may definitely explain why she has gotten into the Korean market with her k-pop collaborations (Twice, Namjoon). But with Jupiter here, this could indicate taking on too much and spreading herself too thin if she's not careful.

Her Jupiter is square Saturn. With these placements, she could feel pulled between expanding her career and making bold moves, or playing it safe to maintain her reputation and credibility. She could second guess herself and hesitate when doing major projects. Overall, one of her main lessons while being famous is to learn how to build a legendary career and legacy without sacrificing her integrity, health, and sense of purpose.

Aries Midheaven + Aspects

In her FPC, her midheaven is in Aries. She is seen as independent, trailblazing, and assertive, with fearless ambition. She may be seen as being unapologetically herself. This is also an indicator of her taking charge of her career (owning her masters and starting her own label "Hot Girl Productions").

Her MC is sextile her Aquarius Venus in the 8th house. Her public image benefits through her ability to express herself in unique, rebellious, and provocative ways. I know this may be contradicting since a lot of people seem to be tired of her overly sexual music and visuals. But it definitely works more in her favor when she does unique visuals/storytelling in her music and music videos (Mamushi, Cobra). Using dark yet artistic and meaningful visuals, and speaking truthfully in her songs definitely boosts her careers. She needs to do more of this.

With her Pluto in the 6th being trine her MC, this adds onto her being known for speaking her truth through her work. It can also indicate that she's known for her ways of coming back stronger and better after controversies and difficult situations.

In Conclusion.....

It's no surprise that Megan has a 7th house stellium with all those planets. Unfortunately, people are gonna mostly only be focused on drama or relationships that she may get into. But it doesn't take away from the fact that she's still a successful musician and is talented as hell. If she just takes more calculated risks, do more creative concepts like she did with Mamushi, do more collaborations with International artists, and make music that's hard-hitting, relatable, and personal, then her music career will take off like it did when she first went mainstream.

Thank you for reading this! If you have any questions, let me know in the comments!

dividers: @saradika-graphics gifs: @texasbama | @81gb | @louisbxne

© selenepsyche - All Rights Reserved

[drizzleoftherain]

Liturgia

Chapter 16: All These Minor Feelings Are Majorly Breaking Me Down

Pairing: Ava Silva & Beatrice

Ao3

Author's note: How we doin'…

There’s a playlist and a mood-board.

(*)

Not like I'm countin' the days

But it's been twenty five

You're out there killin' the game

But damn, I miss you tonight

—

Darling

[Did it get there? Did it arriveeeeee?!]

[No? Did what get where?]

[Nothing.]

[(⇀‸↼‶)]

[Wrong number. Who dis?]

—

Beatrice arrives home to a nondescript box sitting on her doorstep. She suppresses an eye roll. Of course. This must have been what Ava was referring to. 

Peering down at the shipment label, it confirms her suspicions. It’s addressed to a ‘Long J. Silver’ but to Beatrice’s address. This time she really can’t suppress the eye roll. One of Ava’s rotating nom de plumes. 

Bending down to lug the hefty box into her arms, she carries it up the stairs before depositing it by the doorway. Looking at her wristwatch she does some quick mental calculations, she has just enough time to unpack whatever Ava has bought before taking a quick shower and heading to her mum’s for dinner. She’s mentally salivating at the thought of a home cooked meal, sick of all the subpar hotel room food or the sustenance hastily crammed down backstage before a concert commences. 

Grabbing the letter opener, Lilith’s half-hearted attempt at an undercover tactical nuns joke, she makes quick work of the tape around the box. Nestled inside the careful packaging is a small wooden stool with a dark green crushed velvet like-corduroy cushion, the perfect size for them to sit upon as they put on their shoes. 

Delicately, Beatrice shifts the stool into position, formerly occupied by her shoe shelf, sitting back on her haunches to admire its placement and how much it suits her flat before fishing out her phone to snap a pretty photo of the stool for Ava. 

Darling

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[I didn’t know pirates had such great taste in home decor.]

[Thank you, my love. It’s perfect.]

It’s while she’s blow drying her hair that Ava replies.

[It looks exactly like I pictured it! I can’t wait to use it.]

[I’ll get a matching one for my apartment.]

[Headed to dinner at your mum’s soon?]

[Just about to.]

[Have a good night.]

[I think I’ll still be rehearsing at the venue when you get back home.]

[Good luck tonight. I’ll call in the morning.]

—

Babea

[Are you feeling better?]

[You didn’t sound good on the call yesterday.]

[Just having lots of liquids and resting when I can.]

[Emilia wants me to go forward with the show later.]

[Did you talk to the music director to tone it down at least?]

[Yes. All done.]

[I’m going to nap until sound check.]

[Alright, I love you.]

[I love you.]

—

“Beatrice you can’t just correct my Spanish, I’m sure that’s like a big no no,” she says, eyes focused on the tablet in front of her. Beatrice is painstakingly going through their earlier text messages. Both have managed to find some free time to sit and chat in their hotel rooms for a bit. 

Her girlfriend sighs and she sighs too because she wants to see Beatrice, not the back of Beatrice’s phone which is blocking Beatrice’s beautiful face. “When you text sometimes you don’t bother with the proper accents, how am I supposed to practice under such a lax environment?”

“No. No!” she retorts passionately, “Not even native Spanish speakers bother sometimes, you’re just a stickler for the rules.”

Beatrice places the phone down seemingly done with her perusal of their past texts and ready to continue with whatever she has turned this date into. Ava has never agreed to continue the Spanish lessons into their video calls but has, on this singular occasion, begrudgingly caved to Beatrice’s request and her pouty lips. Video calls should be strictly for spending time together, Spanish lessons be damned. “Rules are important, Ava. If rules didn’t exist we would all descend into chaos. Look at the current state of the world. We are falling more and more into entropy each day.”

“Si sigues hablando de lo malo que es mi español, no te mostraré mis pechos. (If you keep saying my Spanish is bad I won’t show you my boobs.)”

“Por lo menos no fuiste vulgar. (At least you weren’t vulgar.)”

“¿Quieres que sea vulgar? (You want me to be vulgar?)”

“No!” Beatrice’s face instantly turns a shade of pink. Ava wonders if she could actually shift this impromptu lesson date into something else much more interesting, but then Beatrice clears her throat, pulls out her notebook and says, “Concentrate.”  

Beatrice is waiting for her to continue their lesson. “Fine, fine.” Back to the tongue twisters. “Ready for the next one then?”

“Yes.”

“Un burro comía berros y el perro se los robó. El burro lanzó un rebuzno y el perro al barro cayó. (A donkey was eating watercress and the dog stole it. The donkey brayed and the dog fell into the mud.)”

Beatrice flips the page of her notebook as she nods along, writing it down meticulously, probably, Ava assumes. She’s sure, no, she is positive that Beatrice has written the date on the top right corner as well. It takes a minute or two and three rough and adorable repetitions of the tongue twister for Beatrice to get frustrated. “Why do you guys roll your R’s so much, and then sometimes you don’t. Makes no sense.”

“Beatrice, you speak French. You roll your R’s.”

“Not as much. And they’re lazy R’s. Lazy rolling R’s.”

Ava has spotted an opportunity and she will not let this one slide. “I’m going to roll my R’s so hard when I see you that you’re going to like that we roll our R’s.”

“Ava!” Beatrice chastises, but Ava knows she’s got her because the notebook closes and her girlfriend leans back on her chair expectantly. 

—

And I'm out at a party, they're playin' our song

I cry on the dance floor, it's so embarrassing

Don't send me photos, you're makin' it worse

'Cause you're so hot, it's hurtin' my feelings

—

Darling

{5072805.jpeg}

[NO!]

[NOOOOOO!!!!!]

[The injustice!]

[(つ╥﹏╥)つ]

[Who knew cutting my hair would cause such a visceral reaction.]

[But…the love curls!]

[How could you!]

{5072806.jpeg}

[Look! The dead body!]

[Low blow.]

[I’m going to cut mine as a sign of protest.]

[DON’T YOU DARE!]

[Beatrice Young!]

[Do not cut your hair!]

[Ava Silva!]

[THE DOUBLE STANDARDS!]

[I’ll do it! When you least expect it]

[No! This conversation is over!]

[You look beautiful.]

[Please ignore my hysterics.]

[I will attempt to pull myself together.]

[Stop being adorable!]

—

“Helloooo,” Beatrice answers.

“Hey! I’m just calling to let you know that I won’t be able to make our video call later.”

“ Oh . Okay, that’s fine. Did something come up?” Her girlfriend’s voice goes from happy to dejected to forced understanding within seconds.

“No. The crew and I are just going to go out for the evening.” Beatrice is quiet so Ava continues, “I’ve been putting it off for a while and I don’t want to appear rude by saying no when they ask.”

“Of course. Please enjoy yourself and be careful.”

“I will. You guys are about to head to the venue?”

“In the middle of it no—HI AVA! Ava, when are you coming? Camila, give me the pho—,” there must be some running happening because when Camila continues she’s slightly out of breath, “I—correction we—want to see you. Come soon, okay? Bea misses you—STOP—she’s all pouty—Camila, I will put hot sauce in your mouth while you sleep—she desperately wants to see you!”

“I’ll come soon. I promise.”

“Yeah?” It’s Beatrice’s voice now, she must have grabbed the phone off Camila. “I do want to see you.”

“Yes, Bea. I promise.”

“Will you text me when you’re back at the hotel?”

“I will.”

“I just want to know that you’re safe.”

“I know.”

—

Before the X rated dreamin'

Back on the coast to coast life

You know I live for the hustle

But damn, I miss you tonight

—

Babea

{1042372.jpeg}

[Heading to the beach!]

[Gosh. I have a pretty girlfriend.]

[How is it possible for you to look like that?]

[Argh! I just love your face so much. It’s just so gahhh.]

[I have this overwhelming urge to punch something cute.]

[Send me pictures? Have a good time!]

[I will.]

[Also, I am concerned. I will be asking Alice to keep an eye on you.]

[Have a nice dinner with the crew.]

Once they get settled on the sand, Beatrice snaps a quick picture of the picturesque French beachside, sending it to Ava before settling back down onto the lounge chair, removing her loose linen button up as she did so.

{1042373.jpeg}

The balmy breeze blowing through the beachside, the warmth of the sun’s rays, the comforting scent of the salt laden sea air coupled with the rhythmic whoosh of the waves rushing ashore creates such a peaceful atmosphere that Beatrice finds herself dozing off.

What seems like hours later but must surely only be an hour at most based on the sun’s movement across the sky, Beatrice startles awake to the steady heat and burn of the sun on her exposed skin and Mary clapping a wet hand onto her calf. With loud movements, Mary’s collapsing back into the lounge chair next to hers, puffing with exertion, water droplets beaded on her skin from her frolic in the waves. “C’mon Bea, stop napping the day away. Get up and have fun please. Some of the other tourists have set up a game of beach volleyball. I just played a set and Lilith has tapped in now. You should go join in.”

With a sigh, Beatrice reluctantly sits up. She knows that Mary is right. She really shouldn’t squander their day off at the beach and with such a beautiful view in front of her. “Actually Beatrice, before you go, can you go to get us some drinks and ice cream or something?” Yasmine speaks up, nose deep in ‘ The Tipping Point ’, her chosen book for the day.

Leaning down to pick up her button up to drape across her head and shoulders, she plops her sunglasses on top of the makeshift sun protection before snapping a quick selfie to send to Ava. 

{1042374.jpeg}

With that done, Beatrice drops her phone onto the chair before grabbing her wallet and heading off in search of food. 

—

“God, I’m so full. Why did you let me eat so much?” Alice complains, patting at her stomach as they walk back to the hotel. 

Ava scoffs. “You did that to yourself. Nobody told you to order a second dessert.”

“That lady’s pistachio tiramisu just looked really good, okay!? But when they brought it out, it just looked so gargantuan and then none of you would help me eat it. Selfish bastards...” Alice’s hands were flying around as she relived the size of the pistachio tiramisu and harangued them all over their refusal to help her demolish the second dessert, content instead to watch Alice suffer. 

Ava’s phone vibrates in the back pocket of her jeans. As she pulls her phone out to glance at the notification screen, Alice’s voice and tirade fades into the background once she sees that it's a text from Beatrice. When the incoming photo loads, she feels herself choke on air, her tongue suddenly feels too big for her mouth and if it was a literal possibility, her eyes would have fallen out of their sockets. 

A warming heat is quickly suffusing her body. 

“Hey! What are you doing? Why are you walking so quickly?!” Alice is yelling at her now, “I can’t run with this food baby!” Unconsciously, Ava has broken into a brisk jog, the sole focus on her mind is to get back to the hotel and get Beatrice on the phone, preferably on video chat, as soon as fucking possible. Turning her head back, she yells back at Alice, “You can’t be here right now! Go away! I’ve got to get back to the hotel!”

Once Ava turns forward again and breaks into a sprint, she hears Alice’s departing words fade into the wind, “WHY IS YOUR FACE SO FLUSHED!? DID BE—BEETLE TEXT AND YOU’RE ABANDONING ME YOU–.” 

She’s calling Beatrice repeatedly as she runs to the hotel. An internal mantra of pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up the fucking call scrolling through her head, hoping that Beatrice gets the mental beams she’s all but broadcasting out into the universe.

Beatrice does not answer. 

By the time she’s in the hotel lobby and swiping her room card on the elevator for her floor, her hands are clammy as she repeatedly mashes the ‘22’ floor and then at the ‘close doors’ buttons. She can feel her leg jogging up and down as she alternates between watching the numbers climb, calling Beatrice and glancing at the photo. She can only glance at the photo in short increments lest she burst into a puddle of horniness in the hotel elevator. Ava can only pray to a unknown deity that no one gets into this elevator and makes her journey all the more excruciating. 

The doors open on level 17 to an old woman who asks, “Is it going down?” as she walks in. Ava lets out a mental scream of fury. 

She shuts the phone, holding it against her chest. Doesn’t bother to reply. Not that she can manage to articulate anything at all right now.

—

When Beatrice finally gets back to their spot, arms laden down with drinks and snacks, the other band members have all converged back at the lounge chairs and cheer at the sight of her. Dropping the food into their outstretched hands, she plops back down into her chair and picks up her phone. Her phone screen greets her with a notification of 28 missed calls from Darling.

Her phone is at her ear instantly as she calls Ava back, a sudden fear gripping at her that an emergency has occurred and Ava couldn’t reach her.

Ava picks up on the third ring.

She can’t even get her panicked question out before she’s greeted with a loud pant and moan of ‘ Beatrice ’ in her ear. She sits bolt upright. Her eyes darting to the rest of the Cruciforms, just in case they heard it too. Noone else is reacting.

Ava is moaning directly into her ear again, her breaths coming through in frantic puffs. 

With that, she’s up on her feet and fleeing down the beach, phone pressed tightly to her ear. Once she deems that she’s far enough, “Ava?”

Ava is humming a response.

“Are you—?”

She’s sure the shade of her neck and face right now would put a tomato to shame.

Only once Beatrice thinks she has composed herself enough does she walk back to her bandmates. When she arrives back, they’ve set up a portable speaker and Janet Jackson’s ‘ All For You ’ is blaring out.

(*)

It's all for you

If you really want it

It's all for you

If you say you need it

It's all for you

If you gotta have it

It's all for you if you make a move

Yasmine is opening her mouth to greet her but shuts it at the sight of her. The loud crunching of chips and chit chat comes to a screeching halt. Camila who was in the middle of singing abruptly stops, eyes scrutinising her.

“My my, Beatrice, is something the matter? Why so red?” Lilith teases between bites of her food, smirking as she slowly chews. “Cat got your tongue? Or is your tongue otherwise occupied mentally?”

All my girls at the party, look at that body

Shakin' that thing like you never did see

Got a nice package alright

Guess I'm gonna have to ride it tonight

She flips the bird at Lilith as she throws her phone and linen button up onto her lounge chair. Okay, so clearly she had not composed herself as well as she thought . A cold dip in the sea should aid in her attempt to quell the urges controlling her body right this instant. Or at least buy her enough time from their prying eyes and incessant teasing.

“Finally decided to go for a swim?” Mary inquires, but from the look on her face she knows exactly what she’s doing. 

As she turns to head towards the waves, Mary and Lilith exchange a high five. She’ll find a way to exact her revenge later . 

It's all for you

Tell me I'm the only one

Soon we'll be having fun

Come over here and get some

Soon we'll be having fun

—

Darling

[My love, our flight just touched down on the tarmac now. I don’t think I’m going to be able to call you in time before you start the concert.]

[Baby!]

[There was a weird wind draft or something and we kept descending but we couldn’t land and then we just kept circling and doing it again.]

[Lilith vomited. And then a cacophony of dry heaving started around us.]

[She just hit me.]

[Oh my god! Are you okay? Do you feel nauseous?]

[I know you don’t like seeing people vomit in front of you.]

[It’s okay about the call. Don’t worry. I can call you after?]

[Yes, I’m fine.]

[We’re getting ready to de-plane now.]

—

“We need to talk.”

Ava almost leaps out of her skin as Emilia’s voice sounds from right behind her. “¡Joder! (Fuck!)”

Emilia ignores her outburst as she steps into the dressing room after her and closes the door behind her. “Do you need to be quite so dramatic, Emilia?” She has a foreboding sense of what Emilia is about to bring up and would desperately like to steer clear of the topic. “Would you like me to go play some ominous organ music to really play up the moment?”

“First of all, you never learnt how to play the organ so I really doubt it. And secondly, I know exactly what you’re trying to do. Sit down, Ava.”

One look from Emilia quashes any complaints about to bubble out of her mouth. 28 years old and she’s still reduced to that teenager that got caught sneaking out of the house for the first time whenever Emilia looks at her like that. 

“I’ve listened to the recording of ‘ TUYA ’ and you can’t release that. ‘ Solo esta noche eres mia, mia ’. Really, Ava? You either need to get rid of the song or you need to change the lyrics. The label is not going to agree to this.” It’s hard not to keep the anger from mounting as Emilia speaks, this is exactly what she had feared. After fighting so hard to break free of the mold and record ‘ Liturgia ’, she’s back to fighting for her music and the freedom to express herself.

“That’s bullshit!” bursts out of her. Okay. So her mouth has not gone for the calm route. “I released ‘ Hentai ’ and nothing happened then. Why are you censoring my music now? What’s the point of all of— all of this shit— that I have to put up with, to be a ‘celebrity’, if I can’t write my music and release it? If I now need to start censoring myself and changing my lyrics. What, all because I’m dating a girl? This is so fucked up. ‘ Hentai ’ is metaphorical. All my music is full of imagery. No one can pin me to anything because of how many metaphors I build in. Besides, ‘ TUYA ’ isn’t solely just in reference to Beatrice, I’ve added other stuff in–”

“You cannot be this naive, Ava. I certainly didn’t raise you to be this naive.”

“Emilia,” she grits out a warning.

Emilia raises a hand to calm her. “Okay. Okay. I know. Manager.” Emilia rakes a hand through her hair, her lips pressed together in an indication of stress as she mulls over her next words. “Ava. You can’t do this. You know you cannot. The circumstances are different now. You weren’t dating Beatrice when you released ‘ Hentai ’ but now there’s a truth to it all if anyone calls you out on it. The label was nervous enough over ‘ Liturgia ’ and sure, you proved them wrong with it becoming a critically acclaimed album but they need to be reassured that you continue to be marketable. That there’s an audience out there who will keep spending money on your music and who want to see you perform. You’ve managed to do the impossible and break into the global music market, beyond just the Latin market, but this is all a delicate balance. You, no , we, we have an obligation to the label. At least for the remainder of your contract. And if that means I need to ask you to change some words around or not release some music, then so be it.”

She can feel herself deflating at Emilia’s words. The truth of it all lands heavy. It’s a message that has been browbeaten into her over and over throughout her career. She’s a commodity, doomed to sparkle one day and fade in time. But she has to try. 

She’s fighting the need to pace around like a caged animal. 

“Emilia. Look at me. Tell me, who am I without my music? Without the ability to speak my truth through my music? This life is all I’ve ever known. This is the path our family steered me down. I really, really, can’t start this—”

“Suzanne and I have been trying to keep this from you and Beatrice but they’re speculating about the two of you, Ava.”

With that one sentence, that stark statement, Ava can feel a pit in her stomach. The pit grows larger and larger as the seconds tick by.

 Emilia’s pulling her phone out of her shoulder bag now, navigating to something on the screen before turning it around and shoving it in front of Ava’s view. It’s a screenshot of Cruciform fans theorising that Beatrice is dating someone, with one fan claiming that she must be dating Ava and linking to their so-called proof. As Ava looks through more and more exchanges, she can feel her entire body break out in sweat, her hands getting that dreadful, tingling feeling. It feels like her fight or flight response has kicked in. Her breaths are coming in short spurts. If she wasn’t already sitting, she might have sunk onto the floor by now.

“I think the music video and the clear chemistry between you and Beatrice really piqued their interest. They’ve been discussing your frequent visits to London, Beatrice being sighted in Madrid but without Camila around. They’re going so far as to compare your clothing and calling attention to the fact that you’ve been wearing each other’s clothes. And…” 

Ava’s hand flies to her bracelet before Emilia even finishes her sentence. Shielding the bracelet with her hand as if that will stop Emilia’s next words. Emilia’s eyes flitting down to the movement of her hand. “And, they claim you two have matching bracelets. That’s probably the most damning piece of evidence they can’t stop talking about.”

Ava feels like she can’t pull enough air into her lungs. Her eyes fixed to the bracelet, their bracelet, her one constant reminder of Beatrice being beside her, always. 

Emilia has sat down beside her now on the couch and is running her palm up and down her back, soothing her as she did whenever she had a bad day and had run to Emilia seeking comfort. 

While fiddling with the two broken amber halves, she whispers out, “What do I do? I’ve promised Beatrice I will go to her concert. Should I avoid seeing her altogether? Should I–.... I–I’m not ready for everyone to know and for our every move to be scrutinised. Do I go to the Cruciforms’ concert?”

Emilia’s hand comes into her view then, her hand reaching out to cover Ava’s own over the two charms. “I can’t make a decision for you, mi vida. You know I have two very different answers based on which role I am playing. You have to do what’s right for you… and Beatrice.” 

She feels Emilia press a kiss into the side of her head. 

—

Babea

[You didn’t call last night. Is everything okay?]

[Tired. I just crashed into bed.]

[Alice and I are looking for a last minute outfit.]

[Talk later.]

[Sure.]

—

3 missed calls from Babea

1 new voicemail

“Hey...I just wanted to hear your voice. I guess you’re asleep. Call me when you can. I miss you.”

—

Beatrice startles awake at the feeling of her phone vibrating underneath her face. Squinting at the sudden brightness, she taps at the screen, “Hmmm,” Beatrice murmurs into her cellphone. 

“Bea! Bea! Baby! Have you ever truly looked at Ryan Reynolds’ face?!” Ava yells. The music is loud and making it difficult to discern what Ava says afterwards. The sheer volume and noise coming from Ava’s end shocks her into immediate alertness.

She glances at the time. 5:27 AM. Which means it’s 11pm in Miami. “Ava, I thought you were resting after your flight.” She turns to look at Camila’s sleeping form keeping her voice low, careful not to wake her. They’ve all had a long night and they’ve been having difficulty getting enough sleep these days. She had made sure to put her phone on vibrate only before falling asleep to not risk waking Camila. 

“Some of the dancers and musicians wanted to celebrate—wait hold on—Nikky wait—where was I? Oh! Yes, to celebrate before we start again tomorrow,” Ava replies excitedly. Beatrice doesn’t want to assume or insinuate that Ava has possibly been drinking so she bites back the question. “Ryan Reynolds’ face looks like—looks like—what does it look like?” She hears the exchange before Ava continues, “Looks like a cow took a dump on his face and sat on it!”

“Right,” is her curt reply. Beatrice stretches her now tense neck, annoyed. 

Ava has been radio silent for hours before this call and this is what she has chosen to greet her with. Not only that, Ava is obviously drinking and out when she should be resting. Any other day this wouldn’t irritate Beatrice, but today it does. Ava has begun to act out recently and she’s trying really hard to ignore it or understand it, but calling like this draws the line.

“ — THAT’S WHAT I SAID!” Ava is shouting above the music now, and Beatrice can hardly make out whatever other joke is being brought up.

(*)

We gon' fuck up the night, black lights

Spaceships fly, yeah

Unapologetic when we fuck up the night, fuck up the night

“Come on, Ava!” She hears someone shout near Ava.

We gettin’ fucked up tonight

We gon' fuck up the night

“ 'Cause I feel like fallin' in love! I'm in the mood to fuck somethin' up…'Cause we gon' fuck up the night !” Ava jovially sings along with the song to Beatrice. 

She sits up, tossing the sheets off her. After grabbing the keycard off the bedside table, Beatrice steps out into the hallway of their hotel room. “Can you go somewhere quiet, please?” she asks calmly and lowly, trying to prevent the irritation from seeping into her voice.  

Go where nobody's been

Have you ever had fun like this?

I wanna go missin', I need a prescription

I wanna go higher, can I sit on top of you?

It takes a few minutes but eventually the music and the noise subside.

“What’s up?”

“Ava, what are you doing?” This question is of course rhetorical, but Beatrice is willing to give her girlfriend an out or at least hear an explanation. 

“Like I said, we’re out celebrati—”

“No. You’re out drinking.”

“I’ve had maybe two, three drinks tops. Nikky and Alex have had li—”

“I don’t personally give a damn how many drinks either of them have had, Ava. You’re calling me while drunk at 5 am in the morning. And for what? A dumb joke? You expect me to find your joke endearing?”

“Bea, that’s not why I called, I called because I mi—”

“You didn’t miss me last night when you ignored my call. Yet again might I add.”

Ava’s voice goes quiet. “That’s not fair.”

“Isn’t it?” With those few syllables, Beatrice can feel her ire and tone rising. When she’s met with silence from Ava, a few seconds pass when regret begins to set in. Beatrice has never really spoken to Ava like this, apart from that night at the Met Gala. She takes a deep breath before calmly informing Ava, “I’m going to hang up now. I expect you to go back to your hotel room and rest. You have a long day tomorrow. We both have long days ahead of us.”

“I’m so—”

She hangs up, taps the keycard against the door and walks inside.

It’s not long before her phone vibrates with a series of texts from Ava. She pulls the blanket over her head and unlocks the phone’s screen.

Darling

[What the fuck was that?]

[Did you just hang up on me?]

[We don’t do that to each other, Beatrice.]

[I called because I missed you.]

[We haven’t seen each other in two months and I just wanted to feel good so I came out to let off some steam.]

[You said you would stop drinking.]

[You promised me you would stop.]

[That’s not an excuse and you know it.]

[If you miss me then you answer my calls or text me back right away instead of hours later when I can’t respond.]

[I’m texting back when I can.]

[What about the other times you’ve been drinking? Did you miss me then as well?]

[Whatever. I’m going back to bed.]

[Do what you want.]

[Fine.]

[I will.]

—

Darling Incoming call

“Hey.”

“Beatrice, hi. I’m so sorry I’m late.”

Beatrice deeply exhales, in the middle of putting sneakers on, “I’m just about to head out.”

“Head out? Head out where?”

“Ava, I waited for you to call for over an hour for our date. I’m heading out to enjoy my day off, or what’s left of it anyways.”

“Bea, I’m sorry.”

“Are you? Are you actually sorry Ava? Because usually when someone says sorry they try not to repeat their mistake. This is not the only date you’ve missed lately.” Her girlfriend is silent and it’s concerning enough that Beatrice’s hand automatically comes up the rest on the hotel door for support. “Ava, what’s going on? Talk to me.”

“Nothing’s going on. I’m just tired, that's all. And busy. We’re both busy. It’s just difficult to balance everything.”

“Please don’t lie to me, Ava.”

“It won’t happen again, I promise.”

—

Babea

[The call dropped. I just got out of the shower.]

[It’s fine. We’re going to have lunch.]

[Oh.]

[I thought you wanted to talk.]

[I did. But it’s fine. We weren’t talking much anyway.]

[I’m sorry, I’m just tired.]

[I am too.]

[But you’ve been distant lately.]

[It’s hard to balance both of us in the different time zones.]

[That’s always the excuse isn’t it?]

[It’s not an excuse.]

[K.]

[Did you just ‘K’ me?]

[‘K’ is the universally agreed upon shorthand for the word ‘okay’.]

[You don’t ‘K’. You go out of your way to write the entire word every time so don’t you dare pretend like it’s normal.]

[Okay.]

—

6 missed callings from Darling

Outgoing call

“Hello?”

“Ava? I’m so so sorry. I just woke up. I didn’t hear my phone ring and I forgot to set an alarm. I guess I must’ve just passed out after my shower, I didn’t even get in my pajamas. I fell asleep with just my towel. I’m just so tired—”

“Bea? Baby. Baby. Slow down. It’s okay. I understand.”

“Yeah? Really? I’m so sorry.”

“Stop apologising, please.”

“But you tried calling so many times—”

“It’s okay. Seriously. It happens.”

“Okay—”

“Do you want to sleep some more? It’s still early-ish. I’ll stay on the phone with you until you fall asleep.”

“Can you? That would be really nice. Just talk to me? I miss your voice.”

“Of course Bea…”

—

Darling

[Which one do you prefer?]

{1043001.jpeg}

[Or?]

{1043002.jpeg}

[Hey! Sorry for the late reply. I love the olive outfit.]

[Did you end up choosing that one?]

[I went with the maroon one instead.]

[You’re awake?]

[It’s 3 am.]

[Yup.]

[We’re out with friends.]

Beatrice’s phone rings in her pocket with an incoming call. 

“Hi, Darling,” she answers. 

“Bea—where—you?” Ava’s voice comes through choppy and staticky.

“I don’t think that I have good reception here.” All she can hear is Ava's broken up voice and can’t discern what’s being said. “I’ll call you once we’re finished.” The call cuts off as she gets the words out and Camila pushes her into a crowd of dancing bodies.

It’s later once she’s outside the club and waiting for the others to join her that she glances at her phone. The early morning light reflecting off her screen and into her eyes. 

12 missed calls from Darling

4 new voicemails

Beatrice is about to hit play on the first voicemail when her phone lights up with Ava’s display picture. Ava in her bed, face against the pillow, sleeping serenely. 

“Hello?”

“What the fuck Beatrice? I’ve been calling for hours.”

“Why have you been calling for hours?”

“Are you still out?”

“Yes? I’m with the band. I told you.”

“I’ve done an entire concert and you’re still out?”

“We were celebrating . I thought that was okay.”

“You’re being frustrating.”

“Am I?”

“Yes, don’t play dumb.”

“Unlike you, I don’t have a show today. I can actually just go to sleep once we get back.”

“Once you get back?”

“We’re going to go get breakfast now. Do I need to give you the itinerary for the day or something?”

“Stop.”

“See. You don’t like it do you?”

“Are you trying to teach me a lesson?”

“No, I was just out with my friends. I don’t have a schedule. I’m not being irresponsible.”

Ava scoffs from the other end, it’s what she does right before she’s about to completely dissect her and Beatrice is just not in the mood for it right now. “Listen, I’m going to go have breakfast, I’ll call you once I’m back at the hotel.”

“Yeah? You better hope I’m awake for it then.”

Yasmine is in the middle of a joke as they’re having breakfast when her phone vibrates in her pocket.

Darling

{5073411.jpeg}

[I thought you were out with the band?]

[I said I was out with friends.]

[Who is she?]

[Ava, you know who that is. It’s Lucia. Our publicist.]

[Publicists don’t need to get that close to do their jobs.]

As irritated as she is with Ava right now Beatrice can’t bear to let her think whatever it is that Ava’s insinuating so she gets up from her chair and excuses herself. No one bothers to even acknowledge her departure, which is preferable on her part. She locks herself into the small toilet room and calls Ava, who answers on the first ring.

“What?”

“What are you doing?”

“What are you doing?”

“Ava, I love you. You know this.”

Ava exhales. “I’m sorry,” there’s a pause, “I’m being silly aren’t I?”

“You’re never silly to me. Well, maybe when you are intending to be silly, then yes, you’re adorable, but not now. Not like this.”

“I love you.”

“I know. I know you do, Darling.” Ava apologises again, which at least alleviates whatever hostility has managed to spring forth from them over the span of the last few hours. “We’re almost done with breakfast. I’m going to call you the moment I get back to the room. I’ll ask Cam to go sleep with Mary or something. We can have a date.”

“Impromptu video date? I like the sound of that.”

“Think of something for us to do in the meantime? We can watch a movie or go on another virtual museum tour. Or we can just lie down and talk for as long as you want.”

“Yay! Date night. Date day for you. I’ll do some quick research now.”

—

I get a little lonely

Get a little more close to me

You're the only one who knows me, babe

So hot, you're hurtin' my feelings

Can't deal

—

Babea

[I think I’ve been replaced.]

[???]

[Diego keeps asking about you.]

[Everytime we talk it’s Beatrice this, Beatrice that. When can Beatrice come play Mario Kart? ]

[When can Beatrice teach me piano? She’s so cool. Blah blah.]

[I think he might be a little in love with you.]

[Awww. That’s adorable. Tell him soon, I’ll come as soon as I can.]

[I might have to beat him on Rainbow Road to teach him a lesson.]

[My bets on Diego.]

[WHAT!?]

[What is this insolence?]

[Qué desubicados son los dos. (You’re both so out of line.)]

—

Babea

[Good morning! How did you sleep?]

[Did you get a chance to listen to the song yet?]

[Hello?]

[Maybe something came up, I’ll try to call you later.]

—

1 new voicemail

Beatrice is greeted with the sound of Ava's heavy breathing, breath wobbling a bit as she inhales and exhales. When she does begin to talk, there’s a slur to her voice. 

Ava is drunk.

“ I miss you. I miss you so much. During the day it’s easy— I can distract myself…sometimes, but at night I can’t stand it. And I lie there hoping to hear you but I know you’re busy and I know you can’t get to your phone and I know you want to hear me too. Bea, are you happy? I don’t think you’re happy. And I don’t know what I can do to make you happy. No... That’s not true. I know how I can make you happy. I don’t think I can do it though. I hated not being with you at the Grammys. I was so proud and all I wanted to do was to celebrate with you and kiss you. I know I hurt that night because I felt it…you felt it too. And in my chest there’s this war within and there’s like tiny cannons going off every time I think of you and then I have this overwhelming urge to get on a flight and come to you, but I know I can’t and I shouldn’t, which is stupid. All of it is stupid. And I’m trying really hard to just be okay with this…what we can manage but is it enough? I don’t think it’s enough for you. I don’t think it’s enough for me sometimes. I want you here. I just want you here with me, but then I feel guilty because I can’t give you what you want, you know? And I know you know. I know you don’t want to say it. A veces me pregunto si deberíamos habernos conocido más tarde para ser un poco más valiente. Creía que era valiente. Tú eres valiente. Estoy siendo tonta porque lo eres todo para mí y ni siquiera puedo decirlo lo suficientemente alto para que todos lo oigan (Sometimes I wonder if we should have met later so I could be a little braver. I thought I was brave. You are brave. I'm being silly because you mean everything to me, and I can't even say it loud enough for everyone to hear). Sorry if I say things I mean, but then close myself off and pretend I didn’t. I just… I think I’m hurting you. God– what am I even saying? I shouldn’t have called. ”

—

When Ava wakes up the next morning, blinking drowsily at the bright light streaming in through the windows, stale taste in her mouth and head pounding, there’s a notification of a singular message from Beatrice. 

Babea

[I’ve heard the voicemail. I know you probably don’t want to discuss it but we should when we see each other again in person.]

—

“ This is the Mona Lisa, an actual painting that exists in our world and on this wall. ” Alice and Ava sit back against the bed’s headboard utterly captivated by the dry British delivery, mouths open, tacos half eaten and abandoned. “ It’s Mona Lisa’s enigmatic character that draws people in. Like all women, you simply can’t tell what’s going on in their head. ”

“Philomena Cunk is the perfect kind of brain rot, don’t you think?” Alice asks, adjusting the pillow behind her. Ava opens her mouth to respond, but her phone vibrates from the bedside table. When the phone is ignored Alice looks at her sideways and speaks again, “Are you not going to answer that?”

“ Just looking at her prompts so many questions; who is she, what’s she smiling about, is she holding a balloon between her knees, and if so, what colour is it— ”

Alice has shut off the TV and reached for the phone. She holds it in her hand, looking at the lock screen then extends it out for her to take. “Ava, it’s Beatrice again, are you not going to answer?”

“She’s probably about to go into soundcheck or something, I’ll call her later.” 

Alice places the phone back down, but keeps her gaze. “I don’t mean to overstep, but your phone has been vibrating for a while, she probably wants your attention.”

She cools her expression as best she can and replies, “I’ll respond in a bit, I’m sure it isn’t anything urgent.”

And obviously it’s the wrong thing to say because Alice sighs, it’s long and drawn out, like she’s using that moment to think about her next words. “Listen, I know that I am your employee, but I am also your friend. We’re sitting in my hotel room having tacos in our pajamas while watching ‘ Cunk on Earth ’, so I think that maybe I can say this to you without fearing for my next paycheck.” Alice stops to read her features and she must find what she’s looking for since she continues, “I’m going to be straightforward, as you know nothing bothers me more than beating around the bush. You’ve been ignoring Beatrice.” Alice says point blank, which causes Ava to open her mouth in protest. Alice holds a hand up to stop the excuse before it’s out of her lips, “I’ve seen you actively do it in front of me so spare me the lie. What’s going on, Ava?”

The cuticles of her nails are suddenly very interesting. Ava knows that she can’t outrun Alice's question, especially since she has indeed caught her several times now. So she breathes in and on the release says, “We’re kind of fighting,” hoping that Alice will take pity on her and maybe bring this up another time. 

“Define fighting.”

Nope. Okay, this is happening now.  

“We can’t seem to stop getting on each other’s nerves about things. They’re little things, but they get under our skin. Or at least irritate us enough that we lash out. Everything just turns into a fight lately.” Alice nods in encouragement and Ava continues to carefully put her thoughts and frustrations into actual words rather than angry half awake half asleep internal monologues. “We’re struggling to balance everything. I think it’s part me just kind of drawing back, but also—”

Alice’s eyebrows draw down at that. “Drawing back? Why are you drawing back?”

“It’s hard to say. It’s hard to even think about it.”

“Try,” Alice shifts closer.

“I’m worried. Worried we won’t be able to make it through both our tours. I miss her, but I can’t tell her that because it’s not fair. It’s an expectation that neither of us can give right now. And it’s selfish of me to want her to drop everything for me.”

Alice is looking at her skeptically, and she should have known better. Alice is observant, it’s one of the many talents she possesses and the reason Ava had chosen her as her assistant all those years ago. “That’s not all of it though, is it? You and I both know you’ve had chances to see her. I’ve asked you several times if you wanted me to book tickets. I didn’t question it when you said you were tired or—”

Alice goes quiet when Ava’s hand taps her knee. “It’s starting to scare me. The relationship. Being seen together. Being found out. Her fans are piecing things together. They’re persistent. They know about the bracelets.”

Realisation dawns on Alice. “Is that—is that why you’ve stopped wearing yours?” She nods. “Does Beatrice know about the fans?”

“I’m not sure. We don’t talk about it. We don’t talk about it at all. It’s like this big unsaid thing. And I know it’s bothering her, having to hide, having to keep me at arm’s length when we’re together. But I can’t. I can’t risk my career.”

“But Ava, surely you must have anticipated that you would eventually have to be out with Beatrice. Did you just assume that you two would be able to hide forever?”

“No. Of course not. But I also didn’t think it would be this hard. I can’t believe that it’s already this hard. And if things are already so complicated then is it worth going through all the public scrutiny? Is it worth risking my career if we can’t even manage this? We can’t even see each other for longer than a few days. We’ve been dating for seven months, Alice, I can count on my hands how many times I’ve seen her, isn’t that sad?” 

“But Ava, that doesn’t mean you stop trying. You both knew what this was. You both agreed to this. Doesn’t Beatrice want this as much as you do?”

“She does. She’s not—she’s not the problem. I am. How do I tell her I’m afraid? But I'm also afraid of losing her.” Alice’s eyes are piercing, like she’s trying to put something together. “I keep having all these doubts. Not about Beatrice. Never about her, but of me. Whether I—whether everything I’ve worked for all my life can survive this. Maybe Beatrice was right, we will end up resenting each other. And I keep wondering if I should stop us now, while there’s still a chance for us to at least salvage a friendship.”

Alice laughs, but her features are serious. “You guys have never been friends, Ava. Even when you were you weren’t. Don’t fool yourself.”

The room’s phone rings and they both stare at it in complete silence. Alice leans over and answers after a few rings, “Yes?” Whatever is being said from the other end must confuse and concern Alice because she pulls out her cell phone to check something then looks back at Ava anxiously. “How many carn—I’ll come down right away.” When Alice hangs up she rushes to grab her sweater off a chair, throwing it on, and then grabbing the keycard from the desk. It isn’t until she’s by the door that she remembers Ava is in the room. “I think you should come.”

Pausing at the threshold, Alice taps her hand against the wood of the hotel room door once before turning around to face Ava, “I hope you know what you’re doing.” With that, she’s stepping into the hallway. 

When the elevator doors open the view that greets them is that of an ocean of red carnations and it sets Ava’s heart soaring. Every spot in the lobby is overrun by the flower. Staff members are precariously balancing vases and finding empty spots to place them down on. 

Alice marches onwards, she’s a woman on a mission, but Ava lingers behind taking in the explosion of love Beatrice has just conjured for her. The sight is enough to make her regret the words that flowed out of her mouth mere minutes prior.

With a quick glance at the time Ava estimates that Beatrice’s flight has yet to land in Germany. 

This didn’t just happen. This was planned. 

Alice is walking back, eyebrows pinched with annoyance. “They have advised that the flowers are a fire safety issue. I don’t think I’m equipped to handle this situation. What do I even do? Do I call local event places and ask them to take the flowers? Maybe there’s a wedding at the hotel and they might want them? I don’t think shelters would be happy with a flower delivery. Maybe a hospital might be willing to—”

“No.”

“No?”

“Beatrice sent them to me. They’re mine.”

“Ava, there’s more than a thousand, that’s unreasonable.”

“Is there a card?”

“Not that I can—” 

“THERE’S A CARD!” One of the staff members yells, he trips over one of the bouquets, but catches himself before handing the card in its envelope to Alice who thanks him.

Another staff member joins them and Ava takes a step back, finding a seat nearby. She can’t help the smile on her face at the pure chaos currently happening in front of her. The delivery person is back with more flowers and the staff members groan as he goes back to the truck for more. Alice is attempting to communicate with the hotel staff, but looks in her direction, and her smile must say everything considering the eye roll she receives.

Minutes pass and everyone must have come to an agreement because Alice is walking towards her, with a smirk while flapping the envelope around. “Everything is under my name,” Alice clarifies.

Grabby hands come out for the card but it’s pulled out of reach. “I want to read it.”

“You have to wait.” Alice pockets the card. “I’m going to grab a bouquet for you and bring it upstairs. The rest I’ve asked the delivery person to take back to the shop to be resold. The hotel won’t allow for much else.” She frowns at Alice who is quick to add, “I’ll grab a really nice one. I’m told there’s 100 per bouquet.” 

She pouts. “Just one?”

“They’re not even yours! They’re technically addressed to me!” 

“How dare you insinuate such things? Do you want to die?” Alice lifts a singular eyebrow, in ‘try me, bitch’ mode. “Fine,” she relents, but only because she’s desperate to read the card and call Beatrice.

—

You’re not just my heart, you’re the rhythm it keeps. 

The voice that comforts, the voice in my sleep. 

I find myself homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. 

I hear your footsteps, I imagine you, and when I reach out I feel you beside me.

– Beatrice

—

Alice NoLastNameProvided

[A little warning would have been nice.]

[I told you I would send flowers before I got on my flight.]

[Yes, well, I assumed you would send a reasonable amount.]

[What do you mean ‘a reasonable amount’?]

[I sent her a bouquet of 100.]

[Beatrice, the lobby was swimming in flowers.]

[Fuck.]

[FUCK.]

[I lost signal.]

[Oh my God.]

[Yeah…]

[We won’t speak of this again.]

[I don’t bind myself to such restraints.]

[Alice, not a word to Ava.]

—

They’re standing in the arena parking lot, the car is idling away next to their tour trucks and Beatrice cannot believe what she is hearing. “What do you mean she’s asleep?”

“Like a rock or is it like a log? I forget which idiom is the correct one,” Levy replies, hands on his hips. “I asked the car driver to take a break, I have been waiting—” he looks at his watch, “for 24 minutes, Beatrice.”

They’re both looking at the closed car door. 

Both hesitating to open it. 

She takes a few steps, but is stopped by Levy’s hand on her arm. “What?”

“Be careful. I woke her up once during the music video shoot and she bit me. I think my pinky is still missing a chunk.” He checks the said finger over before glaring in the direction of the car. 

Beatrice clicks her tongue, but takes extra care when opening the car door. 

“I can’t watch, remember you still have a show to get through”, Levy mutters anxiously before walking away, hands on his forehead. 

Ava is leaning on the far door, breath fogging up the window and hoodie wrapped around her like a blanket. And it’s the cutest sight of her girlfriend Beatrice has probably seen so far. Okay. Maybe not, but it’s pretty close to being a top one. 

She painstakingly climbs on board, careful not to wake Ava. 

Beatrice leans forward, hand coming to caress Ava’s warm cheek gently. Her girlfriend's eyes slowly blink open and realisation sets in slowly. There’s a content sigh, before arms wrap around Beatrice’s shoulders, “ Hi …I missed you.”

“Hi, stranger,” Ava replies, pulling her closer.

Beatrice can’t help the joy that seeing Ava brings her. It swallows her like a raging wave, impossible to swim out of and without enough oxygen to know if you’ll make it through it. After months of texts and phone calls, her girlfriend is finally here. The need to nuzzle into her neck is so strong that Ava giggles when Beatrice’s nose tickles her skin and breathes her in. 

“I missed you,” Ava says, hands pulling her up, thumbs tracing her cheeks before guiding their lips together. 

It isn’t a long kiss, not by their usual standard, their current circumstances not allowing for it, but it sure felt like it. The moment is drawn out, as if they could make up for all the time lost. No stray thoughts ran through Beatrice’s head as it happened, only that Ava was here and she could finally stop imagining her.

“Are you alive?” Levy inquires after a few moments, head popping inside the car to check.

Her hand meets his face as she pushes him back, “I’m fine, thank you.”

Ava climbs out from the other side of the car, backpack in tow. Ava promptly deposits the strap of the backpack into her hand and she’s the one having to sling it across her shoulders. 

“Rehearsals are starting, why don’t you give me that?” Levy stretches out his hand for the backpack, “and I’ll take it to your green room. Ava can keep sleeping in there if she wants to.” 

Ava’s arms wrap around her own, “Ava wishes to stay with her girlfriend, please and thank you.”

She’s looking down at Ava’s watery eyes and sleepy face, concern surging ahead of every other selfish want. “Are you sure? It was a long flight, I’m happy for you to get some rest.”

“Bea, I want to be with you.” 

They make their way through the arena's intricate maze-like hallways, she’s in the lead with Ava just a few steps behind. There are several tour workers scrambling about doing last minute set ups, security guards making their rounds and members of their team chatting amongst each other. They wave or nod to her as she passes them, some even throwing out the odd comment and encouragement for tonight’s show. Ava keeps her head down, careful not to draw attention to herself.

They follow the sound of Yasmine’s drums as she goes about starting out their sound check, something that is becoming so increasingly familiar to Beatrice that it might as well have always been a soundtrack to her daily life.

“Ava!” Camila yells, as they arrive on stage. 

The arena is empty apart from sound engineers and the light crew, who will need to run through several songs and sequences so that everything is ready for later that night.

Camila is about to make a run for them when Suzanne, from the stand on the right, clears her throat causing her to stop in her tracks, standing absolutely still. The other band members wave at Ava enthusiastically from their spots, not even bothering to attempt what Camila had tried to do.

“Ava,” Suzanne says, patting the chair beside her. “Come join me.”

Ava nods, pulling Beatrice towards her, “Bea, do ‘ Octopus’s Garden ’ during warm up for me.”

— 

They were strange, Beatrice’s hands. They were soft and without any of the roughness that should accompany her career. It was something that Ava had noticed before, of course she had, but lying beside her on the couch, fingers running along her skin, it was everything. Little moments like this, the stillness of it all. 

Ava has never known this before. How you could just lay beside someone, saying nothing at all and have the rest of the word fade away. And knowing that the person next to you feels the same. 

“You’re awfully quiet today,” Beatrice says before placing a kiss on top of her head.

“I’m just happy to see you.”

“I am as well.” Beatrice’s hands trace her arm, in what Ava has realised is an attempt to get her to go back to sleep. And it’s working, her eyes are beginning to droop at the soothing, ticklish sensation. As her eyes flutter and mind begins to drift, Beatrice's movements stop. “Your bracelet. You’re not wearing it.”

The observation sends a sharp jolt to her stomach. “I—I brought it with me, it’s in my backpack.” Beatrice is quiet. The hand on her arm continues its earlier caress. “I can go get it—”, she makes an attempt to untangle themselves to go retrieve it but Beatrice holds on to her.

“Is it because of my fans?”

Beatrice knows.

Beatrice probably has known as long as she has.

She won’t lie. “Yes.”

“I understand,” is all Beatrice says in reply, her eyes downcast now, eyelashes sweeping against the tops of her cheekbones. 

“ Show me the banana… ” Camila sings as she makes her way into the green room, not bothering to acknowledge that both her and Beatrice are having a conversation or at least attempting to. “ Na-na-na-na-na…show me the banana…na-na-na. ” With her back against the couch, Ava can see over Beatrice’s shoulder that Camila has no intention of letting them be. “ Show me the banana…na-na-na-na— ”

“Can I help you, Camila?” Beatrice huffs out.

“Oooooouuuuu are we cuddling? Can I join?” Camila says, now coming closer and hovering above them.

Beatrice turns, pushing out one of her legs to prevent Camila from getting any closer. “Absolutely not.”

Camila tuts, but walks back to the door. “We have to start getting ready! I just came to make sure you didn’t sleep through your alarm or something.” She leaves them just as quickly as she came in, saying something about helping Yasmine with her outfit. 

Beatrice swiftly stands, tugging her shirt off. It lands on the makeup chair. “I’m going to have a quick shower before the team arrives for hair and makeup,” she says, halfway through undoing the button and zipper of her jeans. 

The adjoining bathroom door closes behind Beatrice and Ava is left alone to process whatever exchange just went down. Their unwillingness or in this case hesitance to talk about it is becoming increasingly apparent. 

There’s a screech of metal as the shower tapware is turned and the curtains are drawn back. Beatrice begins to go through her scales. The vocal warm up, aided by the echo of the bathroom acoustics now filling the room with her girlfriend’s voice. 

It’s not long until Beatrice comes back into the room with a soft “Hi”, only a towel wrapped around her. Drops from her wet hair slowly trailing down her shoulders. “I was thinking that in July when we have our break that we should go somewhere.”

“Do your scales.”

“I can’t do my scales and talk to you.”

She stands from the couch, grabbing the bathrobe draped on the makeup chair, holding it out for Beatrice to put on. “Where do you want to go? To Madrid or London?”

“No. Somewhere nice,” Beatrice replies, kissing her cheek in thanks and slipping into the bathrobe. “I’d like to go to the beach with you.”

“Oh, but that’s—it wouldn��t be private.”

“We can rent somewhere private. Like a villa or something with beach access. I can handle it. The booking, I mean.”

Beatrice sits down onto the chair, the blinding bulbs from the mirror in front of her highlighting the dark bags under her eyes. And Ava's heart fills with empathy for her girlfriend, the band has been working hard. They’ve done more shows in Europe than she has. It’s different for her, she can pick and choose, but the band, on the other hand, are at the mercy of their label and doing as many back to back shows as possible. They need to make back the label’s initial investment.

“What do you think about Lake Como?”

“Beatrice, are you taking me on vacation?”

“Well since we will both have some time off, it would be nice to decompress and spend time together, so why not do it somewhere scenic?” Beatrice pushes forward with her question, undeterred. She seems to have put a lot more thought into this than she had initially led on.

“We will need to be careful.”

“I know.”

“Then, yes. We can do that. I would love to.”

Mary and Yasmine join them soon after, both already dressed and ready. They catch up with her as the band’s makeup and hair team file into the room, ready to attend to Beatrice after having finished with the rest of the band. The stylist comes in with Beatrice’s dress, scrutinizing every bit of it as her girlfriend puts it on, removing any loose threads and attending to any creases the moment Beatrice so much as shifts in a certain direction. Ava does get odd looks from them all, but they’re professional and so used to seeing celebrities that they ignore her or at least pretend to ignore her after a quick hello. 

When Camila comes back into the green room, they all burst into conversation, she being the sole provider of tour crew gossip and everyone’s latest exploits. It helps the four of them pass the time with Beatrice listening and laughing along while using her steamer. 

As Ava and Beatrice exit the room, Lilith is striding down the hall towards them and Ava does a double take at the sight of Lilith’s outfit. It’s the same one that Beatrice wore, or attempted to wear before sadly falling to the floor. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” spills out of her mouth before she can restrain it. 

The look of confusion on Lilith’s face clears quickly as comprehension dawns. Never one to miss an opportunity, Lilith is winking at her and tutting her tongue as she passes by them, “Now now Ava, my eyes are up here. You really should have held onto me in the music video shoot instead of choosing this clumsy buffoon.” Lilith smoothly dodges the punch Beatrice jokingly aims at her, not even breaking pace as she continues down the hallway.

Ava is eyeing Beatrice out of the corner of her eye. “I thought I asked you to bring that outfit home! Now my memories are marred by the sight of Lilith wearing it!”

—

“...and I am appalled that my baby girl has turned into a selfish duplicitous whore—oh hello!”

Levy all but shoves her into a seat. “Ava, these are my parents, John and Moira. They have graced us with their presence this evening.” A blonde woman and a man with massive ashy eyebrows hidden behind tiny glasses wave dismissively. Levy sits next to Ava, completely avoiding his parents, but keeping her nice and snug between him and them.

“Son, I don’t understand why we’re here specifically, you’re not the one on stage.” Levy’s dad has pulled out his phone, attempting to take a picture of the stage, which is in complete darkness apart from a curtain with the band’s name. The flash goes off, making the people in front turn around with scandalised faces. It doesn’t even phase John, who just puts the phone back into the pocket of his suit and crosses his arms. The concert is taking too long to start in his books.

Levy sighs, but answers, “You’re here supporting your son . You know, as parents should.”

“I love the stage! I always have, right John?” Levy’s mother says, eyes glistening, hands under her chin in complete delight, dismissing Levy’s reply. 

“That’s right, honey.”

Levy is looking between his parents like the behaviour is normal and not some sort of cry for help. “Ignore them.” The dynamic between Levy and his parents illustrates him as a person almost too quickly. “I meant to ask earlier, but you fell asleep within seconds of picking you up—how do you do that by the way? Where is my nemesis?”

Ava chuckles. “Alice laughed me out of her hotel room when I brought up coming today, which is concerning seeing as I pay her. Well, if I might add.” 

Levy nods, lips tight, eyes narrowed. “I see how it is, she didn’t even want to make the effort to come and see me…” 

Ava laughs at Levy in reply, “And the sleeping thing? You gotta do what you gotta do. I can sleep anywhere.”

He folds his arms petulantly. “I guess, tell her I miss her or something.”

“You can tell her that, you know? I’m aware you guys communicate.”

“I don’t want it in writing. She scares me. She might find a way to bring it up to prove a point. And we can’t have that—”

The lights around the arena begin to dim, causing loud screams to erupt around them. Phones pop up instantly, everyone waiting to record the first few moments. The curtains concealing the stage cascades down from above and the streetlight that is part of the set on stage buzzes to life. It casts a small glow around the deconstructed white home, with just enough details interspersed to make it appear real. The screen behind the set now showing a picture of the dark night’s sky, stars glistening with a strange eerie calmness. The sound of actual crickets is all that is heard for some time as everyone waits with bated breaths.

The porch light from backstage turns on as footsteps are heard. Keys jiggle and the front door opens. A hand turns on the lights, illuminating that section of the home. It’s Beatrice. She’s wearing a colourful corset dress that reaches about mid thigh and pastel pink platform boots. Her hair is split at the center with a long pristine braid coming down one of her shoulders. She takes a second to look at the audience, a cute smirk emerging before she takes a step and stops. The crowd cheering every time she so much as moves a few centimeters.

Beatrice brings the microphone to her lips. “You know…I always feel uncomfortable when I enter my ‘home’ with shoes on,” she does the finger gestures at the word ‘home’. 

Ava laughs and so does the audience. 

“Someone’s feeling extra perky today,” Levy says, not at all bothering to hide his own amusement as Ava’s eyes meet his.

“Come on, you probably hear that every night.”

He keeps her gaze, willing her to understand, “No. We do not.”

“ Oh. ”

Beatrice is now walking along the set, turning on various lamps and lights, humming as she does. As the lights turn on, more of the set is revealed. There’s a couch to the right with an old television, there’s plants on top of shelves, knick-knacks placed on top of small tables and there’s rugs, chairs, vases with flowers, it goes on and on. The instruments are interspersed between the two levels of the make believe home. 

There’s a chair by a large shuttered window on the second level and Beatrice sits. 

The sound of distant music starts as she brings the microphone to her lips again. A singular warm spotlight on her.

(*)

How am I supposed to feel

When you're telling me that nothing in my life is real?

When you throw your words and hide behind a plastic shield

I just sit and smile

Writing my own fairytales

Building forts between the sofa and the windowsill

Dreaming of the day I'm tall enough to save myself

But I was just a child

Ava knows all of Beatrice’s songs by heart, can probably recite them if challenged, but the serene melodic phrases feel all the more impactful now, in this setting. In an arena full of people stunned into silence with the brutal honesty the song delivers. She physically and emotionally feels present in the memory Beatrice is conjuring for them all. 

What it takes to recognize

Emotions that I try to hide

The more I keep them all inside

The more they bury me alive

A high-pitched vibrato of violins leaves the entire arena anxious for release. Beatrice’s voice begins to multiply, in a cacophony wishing, wanting to be heard. The tension hangs in the air leaving everyone in suspense.

All my life, I've felt out of place

All my life, I've been saving face

For all these minor feelings are majorly breaking me down

The song builds with the help of Lilith with her guitar who has now walked onto the stage, standing to the right of Beatrice. Camila is also on the stage at this point, standing to the left behind her keyboards. It isn’t long until Mary and Yasmine join at the second level and as they do so Ava has realised that the audience has not even noticed their presence, too caught up in whatever trance Beatrice has put them under.

All my life, you took me for a fool

All my life, you told me what to do

All these minor feelings are majorly getting to me now

Beatrice stands and the arena holds their breath, Lilith’s plucking reverberating in the air. The lamp lights on the stage flicker and turn off, leaving the imaginary house in complete darkness for a few seconds. Beatrice walks down to the mic stand at the center of the stage and deposits her microphone. Lilith’s plucking turning into the repeating intro of ‘ Your Age ’. The moment Yasmine kick starts her drumming, green lights begin to pulsate, transforming the once serene home to that of something more unsettled and rebellious. 

(*)

Not a secret, not a problem

Not a symptom or cure

Not a villain, not a mistake

Not in the eyes of God

Not a weakness, not a failure

Not a savior, oh no

Not a secret, not a problem

“Make some noise!” Beatrice demands and the audience screams the upcoming adlibs. 

Levy’s parents groan as they’re forced to stand, their views now effectively blocked by everyone’s excited jumping and dancing.

Moira is leaning forward then, looking past her husband and Ava. “Levy, I have an urgent concert related question.” Levy is trying very hard to dissociate beside her. “Is this one of those turbulent tirades against the tyrannical forces of these trying times?”

Ava snorts, and Levy glares in the direction of his mother. “A drink perhaps to lighten the mood?” 

Levy shifts, but doesn’t get a chance to move far before his father grips his arm. “One for me as well, son.”

Decisions were not mine

You closed me off, a jail personified

A disembodied voice from behind her shouts “Beatrice can take me to jail anytime!” She fights the urge to turn around and roll her eyes at their stupid interpretation of the lyrics. 

'Cause I'm not a secret

And I'm not a problem

Being face-to-face to Beatrice’s sincerity is distressing. Lyrics she knows, lyrics she has heard countless times, from its inception to now, in its full realised strength in front of thousands disarms her instantly. Even with so many around her Ava feels alone and signaled out by Beatrice herself. She knows that’s not Beatrice’s intention but the message is too close for comfort. The lyrics not only recount the strain of her girlfriend’s relationship with her parents but now with her as well. In many ways, Ava has turned into the jail keeping their relationship a secret.

Levy returns not too long later with three drinks in hand, his parents quickly grabbing at the plastic cups, without a murmur of thanks. As he goes to drink from his own cup, Ava reaches for it, taking it from his hand and chugging it down as quickly as she can before he even thinks to protest.

“Of course! Why did I even assume I could have a peaceful drink!?”

“I was so thirsty!”

After several songs the mood of the concert shifts to something more comforting. The lamps along the stage are back on and the peaceful scene of the family home has returned. Camila is playing a soothing melody on the keys, a small segue into the next section of the setlist. 

Beatrice drinks from a bottle of water on the coffee table behind her. “Now that we’ve gotten some of the melancholy out of the way, what do you say we do a few happy songs?” she says, walking back to the microphone and removing it from its stand. The crowd applauds and Beatrice smiles. “This song is all about learning how to fall in love. And most importantly allowing yourself to.”

(*)

She showed me what love is

I'm actin' like I know myself

Oh, in case you didn't notice

“I like it!” Beatrice is doing a cute dance on stage, her smile big and dimpled. She’s shimmying towards Lilith who is doing everything in her power to move away. Beatrice raises her hand swatting the air in front of her, before poking her tongue out at Lilith. “Lilith on the guitar everybody.” The audience cheers and Lilith winks.

A shrill pterodactyl-like scream pierces the air. “Lilith, Stomp me!”

Beatrice visibly cringes away from Lilith at the prolonged scream. Camila cackles loudly, missing the cue for her back vocals. 

Oh, oh, I would go blind just to see you

I'd go too far just to have you near

In my soul, I've got this feeling, I

Didn't know until I seen ya

The pre-chorus hits and the audience sings along.

My, my, my, oh, my, my, my

You mind my mind, you mind my mind

Oh, my, my, my, you mind my mind

Oh, my, my, my

She's insatiable is what she is

Beatrice is making her way up to Mary on the second level, the happy dancing continuing as she climbs the steps. Mary wiggles her shoulders in beat with Beatrice, her bass coming through louder than before for emphasis. “Mary on the funky bass!”

Her body's like a modern art

Take it out in front of me

I've gotta stop messin' it up because I'm

Feelin' like I'm messin' it up

Because I'm callin' out your name and God help me

'Cause, oh, I'm never gonna love again, 

Hey!

I'm never gonna love again, 

Hey! 

Oh!

Yasmine is next in the series of introductions, she hits her cue for a drum solo the moment Beatrice reaches her. Beatrice lingers as the solo continues, her hips moving along to the beat Yasmine has created. 

“Yasmine Amunet on the drums! When she’s not killing it on the drums, she’s hacking into secure government servers…wait. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.”

Show me your love

Why don't you grow up and see?

Show me your love

Why don't you grow up and see?

Show me your love

Why don't you grow up and see?

Show me your love

Why don't you?

Then, Beatrice is hurrying down to Camila who is excitedly playing the last few chords before Beatrice takes over the keys and Camila pulls her saxophone from the stand underneath them. It takes a few seconds to get herself sorted, and then her solo begins, causing the arena to burst into cheers at the unexpected revelation. 

“My oldest friend Camila, who couldn’t resist adding a little jazz to the album.”

The song continues as the entire band harmonises along with each other, the audience taking over the remainder of the song with prompts from Beatrice where needed. 

“What do you think so far?” Levy asks her some time later as Lilith’s guitar solo on stage starts, Beatrice has run off, possibly to change outfits or take a much needed bathroom break. The rest of the band is playing along, but making sure that Lilith is the focus of all the attention. 

Ava opens her mouth to answer but is cut off by Levy’s mother who leans forward again and says,  “You know what I would love right now?” she asks and waits for a reply and when none comes continues, “A nice cup of hot tea.”

“Chamomile would be rather nice to soothe whatever unruly sentiments have been shared this evening,” John says, not missing a beat.

“I am not getting either of you hot tea! This is a concert Goddamn it!”

It takes a few moments but when they’re back to being distracted with whatever is happening on stage Ava leans into Levy’s ear and yell-whispers, “I’m so sorry!”

Overwhelmed by her honest words and genuine pity towards him, Levy wraps her into a crushing hug repeating the words ‘thank you…thank you’ over and over again like a prayer. 

The stage goes dark again as the sound of crickets return.  There’s a lone figure atop of the spiral staircase on the left side, barely illuminated by the spotlight behind her. The familiar synths of ‘ Somebody Else ’ begin as the back screen behind the stage plays a slow mo section of the music video. The part in which Ava and Beatrice are walking on opposite sides of the street not initially looking at each other, but when they both glance up in each other’s direction the crowd goes crazy. It lasts only a few seconds before the spotlight behind Beatrice intensifies, casting her in a warm glow, but also keeping her hidden under shadows.

(*)

So I heard you found somebody else

And at first, I thought it was a lie

“You sing it,” Beatrice says, holding the microphone out for the crowd.

I took all my things that make sounds

The rest I can do without

“You ready Munich?” The crowd answers with a deafening roar.

I don't want your body

But I hate to think about you with somebody else

Our love has gone cold

You're intertwining your soul with somebody else

Beatrice descends the spiral staircase slowly as the chorus continues, she barely has to sing it, the audience too enraptured by the song’s popularity to even let her continue.  She’s on the bottom level now at the center, occasionally dancing along to the 80’s beat.

And c'mon baby 

I know!

This ain't the last time that I'll see your face

And c'mon baby 

I know!

You said you'd find someone to take my place

I just don't believe that you have got it in you

'Cause we are just gonna keep doing it every time

Levy turns to her. “So! Will you be staying with us over the weekend?” He’s trying to distract her from the music, a touching gesture that she greatly appreciates. 

The crushing reminder that her stay with them is short takes over her again. Not being around Beatrice for an extended time has finally had a moment to settle within her. Long gone are the days where they could easily fly to one another. 

“I can’t. I need to fly out to New York early in the morning to continue the tour,” she answers, voice not quite able to get past the lump forming in her throat. “The only reason this was even possible was because it was a Thursday show.” 

“That’s…” Levy starts, but she finishes.

“Intense.”

“Yeah.” 

Being able to be here for Beatrice is important, Ava knows this. They all know this, that’s why they were so happy to see her arrive in the early afternoon. “By the time I make it back I’ll have to start getting ready for the show that evening.”

Levy keeps eye contact for what feels like an eternity, the sympathy evident on his face.

“This side!” Beatrice’s voice grabs her attention as the song begins to come to an end. The crowd work she’s doing is too endearing to be ignored.

Get someone I love?

Get someone I need?

Fuck that, get money!

I can't give you my soul

'Cause we're never alone

Get someone you love?

Get someone you need?

“This side now!”

Fuck that, get money!

You can't give me your soul

'Cause we're never alone

“It’s over?” John speaks up, clapping once before wiping at his dress pants.

Levy reaches over to tug his father back down to his chair. “Sit down dad! We still have the encore to watch.”

“I didn’t know artists still did those. The attention span of your generation is so diminutive,” Moira says, pulling out her phone and scrolling through what Ava assumes is an app for old people.

Yasmine and Camila walk back on to the stage waving happily, followed by Lilith and Mary carrying their instruments. They all take their places again leaving only Beatrice to walk back and take her spot at the center.  

“They usually do a surprise song for the closing, something old most of the time, you know how they are,” Levy is letting her know, not bothering to acknowledge his parents who appear anxious with the news of more concert to sit through. “Beatrice has a surprise for you though.” Ava smiles at that, eyes going back to the stage instantly, eagerly awaiting the return of her girlfriend on stage.

The crowd goes absolutely insane when Beatrice enters through the front door again. She’s done a quick outfit change as well, now wearing chrome waist length pants, a black bra and a distressed ‘top’ that is barely covering anything at all, and Ava glares because what was even the point of it if didn’t do its job in hiding Beatrice’s perfect body from wandering eyes. 

She might as well have just walked out naked for all the world to see at this point.

Beatrice runs her hand through her loose hair, attempting to settle it into place, but the longish bangs land by her eyes again anyway. “We have a surprise for you tonight, I know that you guys have noticed we usually end on a oldie, but we’ve had some time to record while on the road, and by we, I actually just mean Camila, Yasmine and I, who have sat for hours creating these two songs while Lilith and Mary bang on our hotel walls to get us to shut up.”

“I cannot imagine anyone wants to hear this, Beatrice,” Lilith speaks into her microphone with an added eyeroll for effect and everything.

“Can the sound engineers please mute Lilith? She will only protest the entire time,” Camila says quickly, pointing at the sound engineer nestled within the crowd.

“That is a filthy li—” The band and the audience all laugh as Lilith’s microphone is effectively cut off.

“Alright. Thank you for that, much appreciated.” Beatrice’s eye smile is out on full display now. She takes a moment to search among the crowd and Levy stands holding out the screen of his phone in her direction. She squints towards them before doing a quick wave. “Let’s dance then? This is ‘ Cherry ’ and ‘ Lucid ’.”

Levy quickly flashes the message on his screen at Ava before he shuts it. ‘I’m with stupid’, with an arrow pointing in her direction. Ava slaps at his shoulder in retaliation. 

Yasmine starts them off on a midtempo R&B-pop beat with Camila adding on the synths and the plucking of Mary���s bass reverberating in the background.

(*)

So won't you? 

Will you be my cherry?

So come on talk to me, talk to me

Will you, will you be mine?

One, two, three, let's go

Down the subway, you looked my way

With your girl gaze, with your girl gaze

That was the day everything changed

Couldn't stay the same

The butterflies in Ava’s stomach are fluttering away at the sweet gesture of hearing the song she wrote for Beatrice come to life for thousands to hear. And she can’t help the feeling of falling in love with her girlfriend once again, whether on the subway or in this case as she dances confidently on stage.

Even though I'm satisfied

I lead my life within a lie

Holding onto feelings

I'm not used to feeling

'Cause, oh, they make me feel alive

The lyrics ring true as Beatrice sings them, but they’re missing something. 

Ava should be singing them instead. The layers of excitement and uncertainty at what a future could possibly look like for her if she were to just place a foot outside the metaphorical closet she has found herself in. The internalised shame takes over her and she stumbles to keep pace with Levy’s dancing next to her.

When they tell you that you've got to stay the same

Even though you're not yourself

And you've got somebody else

When they tell you that you've got yourself to blame

Even though it's not your fault

But your heart just wants to know, know

Camila has grabbed her microphone and is making her way to Beatrice as the tempo of the song changes, mutating into the next one. Suddenly, they both burst out into a choreographed dance as they approach each other, all while Lilith walks to them from the right without her guitar.

(*)

Ooooooh…Ooooooh

I've been lucid dreaming just to see you

I've been taking all this medicine, yeah

Are you real or a hallucination?

I, I got to know

Lilith’s tapping on her microphone increases as the sound engineer forgets to turn it back on. “—Mate, thank you, bloody hell!”

Hey girl, you are what I've been looking for, oh

You're what I'm dreaming of 'cause

Hey girl, you are what I've been dreaming of, oh

Dreaming of, dreaming of

All three of them are singing along now. And Ava wonders what it took for Lilith to join in on this ultra clubby pop song, but she’s smiling which means she’s not completely hating every second of it. Ava takes her phone, zooms in on Lilith’s face and snaps a few pictures for her blackmail folder. 

“I’ll be dreaming of Beatrice in this outfit all night long!”

“Why would you even bother with clothing?” 

The same irritating and disembodied voices sound from behind her again and Ava starts to swing back towards her, an angry retort on the tip of her tongue before Levy grabs at her shoulder, forcing her back around. 

“Let me at them! I want to claw their eyes out,” Ava yells. 

“NO!” Levy answers resoundingly, a little bit of fear creeping into his voice. 

She wonders how many of her Instagram enemies are present tonight. 

Come here, my stranger in the dark

Don't need nobody in my arms

Got my imagination running wild

It's all that I can do

Lilith has taken over the crowd work now, “Alright, hold your fists up in the air! One! Two! Three! Let’s go!” 

Camila and Beatrice walk to opposite sides of the stage.

“This side over here say: ‘Ooouuuu oooouuuu’,” Beatrice encourages as the chorus turns the entire arena into a dance party.

Ooouuuu oooouuuu!

Then it’s Camila’s turn, “How about this side? ‘Ooouuuu oooouuuu!’’

Ooouuuu oooouuuu!

Lucid dreams, lucid dreams 'bout you

Lucid dreams, lucid dreams 'bout you

Lucid dreams, lucid dreams 'bout you

You are my weakness

Lucid dreams, lucid dreams 'bout you

No, no, no, no, no, no

Lucid dreams, lucid dreams 'bout you

Confetti bursts into the air, signaling the end of the concert. As the sparkly paper descends upon the crowd she can hardly make out the stage anymore, but she can see that all three are dancing as the song continues to play.

—

Ava is being unnaturally quiet after the concert.

Even after their eventful shower.

The blow dryer hisses next to Beatrice’s ear, the hot air irritating the skin on her neck. Ava is applying lotion on her face next to her, an unreadable expression as she does. Beatrice wonders whether she should ask, but hesitates. There’s a lot to talk about and having this precious but short night Ava is everything for her, for them. 

“Darling?”

“Hmm?”

“Get closer so I can blow dry your hair.” 

Ava does as she’s told, coming to sit down on the closed toilet lid. 

They’re in their pajamas now, getting ready for bed. It’s been a long day for both of them, probably even longer for Ava who can’t even rest properly. Beatrice had watched over her shoulder as she set multiple alarms for 3 am. In just a few hours Ava needs to be on a flight back to the U.S. for the next tour stop. 

As she runs her hands through the short locks, Ava’s head comes to rest by her belly, arms wrapping around and pulling her closer. A long drawn out yawn comes out soon after, but Ava shakes her head, trying very hard to keep the tiredness at bay. 

“We can sleep soon.”

“No, I don’t want to sleep.” Ava is looking up at her now, cutely nuzzling her nose into Beatrice’s tummy. “Can we stay up until I have to leave?”

She wants to laugh at the pure absurdity of it all. Beatrice doesn’t even think they have energy to make it more than a few more minutes without just collapsing into bed. 

“You know we can’t. What would we even do? No! Don’t look at me like that. We’re both about to keel over any minute now.”

Ava stands petulantly, hair still half wet, but Beatrice turns off the hair dryer. It was more than she expected to get through anyway. When she looks towards the bed Ava is tossing the extra pillows onto one of the chairs, that same look on her face. Deep in thought, but reluctant to voice them.

It only takes a few steps and she’s next to Ava, reaching out for one of her hands. Ava stops fluffing the bed to hold her gaze. “What are you do—”

Before she can second guess herself, she embraces Ava around the waist, pulling her into a half hug half slow dance. And Ava must be as shocked as she is at the sudden switch up of plans, from going to sleep to an impromptu dance, because her arms hang dumbly by her side for just a few seconds until they come up to wrap around her neck. They fall in step, letting the lack of rhythm control their movements. And it lasts for less than a minute before a small laugh escapes both of them when she accidentally steps on Ava’s foot. 

“How are we meant to dance without music?” Ava murmurs into her ear, nuzzling into her neck and breathing in, but she doesn’t stop swaying. And it’s the invitation Beatrice needs to draw them closer together.

“ You're not even gone I already miss you ,” she sings, leaning in, “ what's going on? I've never been through this all-consuming fire fuming, cursing at the moon and losing all control and crying. 'Cause I think I'm falling. ”

“Ah yes…the song that wasn’t about me,” Ava says with mirth in her voice, settling her head on Beatrice’s chest. Then Ava’s head is nudging over minutely, and she’s placing a kiss on top of Beatrice’s heart, her lips lingering on the spot. “Keep going,” Ava says, “Please.”

“ You bewitch me every damn second you're with me, ” she holds her arm up for Ava to spin, stepping back to watch as her girlfriend does a cute twirl before excitedly crashing into her again. “ I try to think straight but I'm falling so badly, I'm coming apart. You wrote me a note, cast a spell on my heart— ”

Ava cuts her off with a kiss. It’s soft, featherlight. They didn’t need to make it more grand than it already was. The moment carrying that sensation where you can feel your heart in your chest, thrumming away as if about to break loose. 

When Ava is finally asleep hours later, Beatrice remains awake, eyes captivated by the curves of Ava’s eyebrows, the pout of her lips, her button nose and the small baby hairs along her forehead. She can feel Ava’s chest rising steadily, hers aching to match it, to allow herself to sleep as well, but Ava’s alarm is about to ring. 

Their peace is about to be broken.

[cloutchaserkineme]

yeah i doubt it

11:07 p.m. on my table still but in a happier state than before

I came on here because I just redownloaded all of my socials after deleting the apps to focus on work and real life situations (which always get a little hectic around the holidays), so I only just now saw Franco Colapinto's video where he states that he is a Sagittarius rising, and in the same breath says he is a Pisces descendant.

Which is, you know. Wrong. Pisces is the IC, Gemini is the DSC point if you have a Sagittarius ASC no matter what house system you use because the angles are angled in such a way that they are roughly around 90-180 deg away from each other.

Buuuut Astrotheme, one of my beloved astrology sites, has recently update 43's chart rating as A, as collected by Sy Scholfield. He is listed as Sagittarius rising through memory- which I'm assuming is also based on that video where he says it to a fan, as it was calculated in the second decan of Sagittarius at 16 degrees- the literal middle of the whole 30 degrees of the sign.

As much as I love Astrotheme (it's got a good database despite being free software, much like astro-seek and astro.com), I don't think it should be rated A even if it did come straight from the horse's mouth. It is completely plausible that he- by virtue of being early 2000s Gen Z as well as being a native Spanish speaker*- would remember his Rising sign better than his Descendant sign (which is generally only calculated or mentioned, really, when in terms of partners/girlfriends/boyfriends of relationship astrology, because usually guys his age mostly know about astrology because of girls his age), but he could have had someone really give him a reading and detailing his chart, and him being confused in the moment about which term was used in which.

In whichever case, according to Franco himself, he would still be a mutable Ascendant point, either a Virgo or Sagittarius rising, and his Gemini Sun would be angular, either in 7H of partners/contracts or 10H of career/public image.

While I think there is still every chance that he has Virgo rising- he doesn't look like it. He is too chill to be one- as Virgo is ruled by Mercury (the mind), and they are flighty and nervous and tend to have obsessive worries and whatnot. He just looks like a chill guy.

To be fair, he doesn't look much like a Sagittarius rising either. His Taurus placements shine through so much (6H in Sagittarius, 9H in Virgo) with those sleepy eyes, more prominent neck when compared to other racers, and a softness to his face that is usually not present when someone has Pluto in Sagittarius on the 1H of the self.

He is also young. He has yet to grow into his face. It will change, the same way that Charles Leclerc's [Libra Sun-Scorpio ASC] face went from baby Harry Potter to Monegasque fanon Tony Stark after puberty, or Max Verstappen's [Sagittarius Rising-with Mars in 1H] face looking less swollen, red-faced and puffy as he grows older**, or Esteban Ocon [night chart, Leo rising with Mars and Venus in 1H] and Lewis Hamilton [possible day chart, possible Pisces rising with Venus and Mars in 1H] having the sharpness (Mars) of their faces be smoothed out with fat (Venus, to a lesser degree than Jupiter) as Venus matures after 25 years of age so they look more oval than arrow-like.

It doesn't matter though- as long as he's not on the grid for the 2025 season, there wouldn't be a need to read the astroweather for him, as I don't watch F2.

(30) 11:50 p.m.

*I will always assume that any native Spanish speaker outside of the Philippines and Spain casually knows at least their Sun, Moon, and Rising because of famous Puerto Rican astrologer Walter Mercado and the popularity of his readings. The Philippines, while superstitious, generally practice a lot more folk Catholicism, Chinese astrology, and Feng Shui owing to their neighbors, and I don't know much about Spain's occult situation.

**Mars in a person's chart matures after 28 years. Since it is a racing planet, expect for him to face some challenges next year, since he is a day chart and Mars is the malefic out-of-sect. Ocon's night chart (but sad Solarian placement) would be good to compare with his as he is also a fellow 1H Mars who has already turned 28 in 2024.

[astralartefact]

Placeholder Name for Atarase's Media Diary

Entry 002 - Dragon's Dogma 2 <<Prev: 13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim

Synopsis

A prolonged camping adventure with the loyalest boys and a mage prodigy who gives me sass only often enough to make me paranoid she has the evil guy disease that kills everybody (might just be puberty)

Special Shoutout to whoever I stole Zoe the Beastren Healer Girl from (Your character name is/was Melina), she was a regular fixture of my party and is mine now.

How much did I know before playing?

I didn't play the first one, but I kept up with the marketing somewhat, and I was hyped to finally play it.

Did I like it more than I expected?

I fully expected to like it and I did. From what I've seen from the game before I bought it I knew its approach to an Open World would be my kind of game - and it was.

But seeing the discourse (and we will get to the discourse) this feels like a daring statement to make lol

Since I liked it, here's what I hated about it

Okay, this is the weirdest criticism to have about a game I completed in 113 hours, but it wasn't big enough. When I unknowingly made my way to Battahl and realized it wasn't as big as the other biome my reaction was a sad o: face and that feeling stuck around until the end, everything was just "I wouldn't mind if this was bigger :/" and it did impact my enjoyment of Battahl as a whole (Agamen not as much).

The game as a whole is really cool - I really loved it, I'm having to stop myself from starting a NG+ right now, and I think given an endless stream of new content I could literally play this game forever - and to some degree I feel like its size was calculated pretty well by the devs and shouldn't be bigger (if it was a lot of other minor details would suddenly become much bigger problems) but I guess it feels unexhausted.

I disagree when people say the open world is empty and one note - I personally had a great time exploring the entire map and I think the variety inside of the biomes is realistic and nuanced, I think if they just rethemed what's there into more different, but smaller biomes that wouldn't have done it for me either. The world might not be "new and exciting" everywhere you go, but every space in a given biome has some nuance in its topology and context that makes it stand out from the rest and it really feels like this world could be a real place exactly the way it is.

And since being grounded and 'realistic' is kind of this game's entire deal, having beef with that is to me kind of pointless, that just means you should have researched better what you're buying into (and we'll get to that!)

But I guess it feels like they could have done more, that all of these systems slotting in with each other would have benefitted from more stuff. Take the pawn specializations and classes for example, I think all of them are pretty neat but there aren't that many so running into 'one of that type' doesn't really change anything, especially since situational ones like the Elvish Speakers are coded to appear where you need them and you only "need" them in one specific place so you don't ever really have to think who you take with you. Same with environmental hazards like those water dams.

I guess that's the good thing of being able to expect Capcom to overdo it on DLC - I think adding more stuff like that in for example an expansion would really benefit this game, even though I will say that I think for the game that we have right now, the stuff that is there is enough.

Because in a fit of madness I don't even mean stuff like the enemy variety with that? I thought for the size of the game world the enemy variety was fine, not great but fine, even if it was on the smaller side at least the variety of their placement was really well thought through so I didn't really fight two of the same enemy groups in a row (the only problem i had with the enemies was that the enemy groups spawn way too densely and too frequently, you can't move an inch without aggroing another hassle of a fight and it also happens with paths you just cleared half an hour ago so map movement starts to become a chore at some point)

Finally: Men. But we'll talk about that.

What did this game make me think about?

We can only change the world by wanting to change it :) I love that as a theme, I'm really glad this is becoming a contemporary staple

Specific Impressions that will stick with me

THE TITLE SCREEN BEING DRAGONS DOGMA (NOT 2!) UNTIL THE THING HAPPENS i noticed that and it made me fall in love with the game so much more, it being a stealth remake and how it plays with that is so fcking cool i love that (again, I haven't even played the first one)

The coastal path to Bakbattahl. As I was randomly exploring I was wondering what the red waymarkers along this cave path were, so of course I followed them until at the end of this seemingly endless pilgrimage I finally realised what they were leading to. The entire experience of travelling along the cliffs and having to watch out for the harpies and the griffon was just really beautifully crafted. That whole journey will defo stick with me for a long time.

CHARACTER CREATOR OPEN WORLD RPGS ARE THE BEST Character Creators are my VisualNovel where the general audience seems to think they're cheesy but no, you don't get it, it's just that devs don't use them right because barely anyone has thought about their artistic merit yet. i can add so much visceral character development to my journey by changing hairstyles, adding scars, making my pc more muscular after training a new class, etc.

the day one of these games shaves a pc's head when they're imprisoned or adds scars when losing to a monster instead of a Game Over (all optional ofc people would scream if they forced that on their waifu) without me having to do that on my own is the day i will die happy

Outstanding Audio

The boss themes were cool? I did like the music and didn't just feel ambivalent about it but I couldn't tell you any specific piece :(

Favorite Character

Well, my character and my sweet pawns of course.

Aside from that I really liked Nadinia, even if she didn't get to do all that much, I just really love characters like her.

Also I guess the Smith Girl in Battahl, I liked her :)

Favorite Arc/Story Line

I liked Sven and Ser Menella's quests, but more than anything I loved seeing how doing quests impacted evacuating the cities after being baffled that the quests just ended without a conclusion. So I guess the entire final arc? (btw get good guys, i did the colossus quick kill without the arrow and seeing that pay off afterwards was amazing)

Favorite Set Piece

Travelling to Battahl along the coast

Watching my Pawn fight as the colossus

Everything that had to do with the capital-D Dragon

also having a healer with a child-like voice around and being paranoid about the dragon plague any time she gave me sass (she has like two or three lines out of nowhere that felt very pointed and i was so scared)

Favorite Scene

The ending scene with your pawn turning into the plague dragon. something about that did it for me.

Best Performance (I played with JP voices)

Kakuma Ai of Edelgard fame gave Nadinia such an edge that I really appreciate, she really made that character for me. For some reason I thought she was going to be a well-meaning but helpless pacifist priestess type character and thankfully she was not just that, she knew full well what she was doing while still also kind of being that pacifist priestess.

German Localization Notes

I thought the Localization was great! It fit the setting (I think Vasall is a better term than Pawn, fight me) and there were barely any blatant mistakes (I remember one spelling error and one time I was referred to as female, but that might be a programming error instead)

From what I did understand from the JP Pawn Dialogue I think they changed a bunch from the "original Japanese" though (might be an EN issue though, we don't have our own DE Voice Over so it would make more sense to keep with the 'default' language's text instead of JP) but also I don't really care since 90% of the dialogue is just Pawn Chatter where the phrasing of the content isn't particularly narratively important

--- ENTERING THE PRETENTIOUS SECTION OF THIS ENTRY ---

What about this game gives me Hope for the future of gaming?

This game is so fucking cool. I love this game for how weird it is. The stuff people complain about? Glorious. I love every single thing.

I loved having to have a physical fist fight with the save feature every time I was scared of making the wrong narrative choice. Yeah, it's kind of dumb and annoying, but from the devs' perspective, from the game they wanted to make and the overall vibe they were clearly going for it just makes sense. You're suppossed to roll with your wins and your failings - and if you can just always win then what's the point. You're not supposed to save scum as "un-quality of life" that may be and this is one way to kind of limit it to preserve the vibe they were going for.

Only having one save state and limiting character makeovers (they already fixed this one) makes sense because you're not supposed to play this game 'in parallel', you're supposed to play this game in succession - in a cycle, even. Your character isn't supposed to suddenly be an entirely different character, you're supposed to connect with the story through this character that is yours and to that goal, continually letting you change them completely would hinder that.

And since clearly this is actually a stealth remake of the first one I also really respect them not changing the shitty Beloved system? For some reason it's much more interesting to me that they kept it exactly the way it was, despite being stupid.

I guess I love stuff like this because it forces you to interact with the game as a piece of software engineering to make your own goals in this game come true. And yes, to me that's a good thing, because Video Games are pieces of software engineering - They're pretty much the only type of media that can do this.

Let me, the person who needs to make Self-Inserts for Maximum Escapism, be the one to tell you that I'm with Brecht when I say that in all sincerity, Immersion is a skill issue. Fuck Immersion as an aspirational trait of a piece of art. Especially capital-G Gamers have no clue what they're talking about when they use the word Immersion - and I get to say that, because I know that Presence exists beside the two popular buzzwords Immersion and Suspension of Disbelief - and this shit gives me so much Presence, I can't even begin to tell you.

I had to read the phrase "This game not maintaining 30FPS is breaking my immersion" about a game that made me pick up a child that had developed a crush on me, run in circles until my stamina ran out in order to drop it in a way that makes it crash into the stone floor, spraying blood everywhere because it was the only way I could make the child like me less - and I had to do that multiple times all so I could ensure I wouldn't end up kissing a child in the ending.

And while doing that, I did think "It's stupid the game works like this", I did feel fucking bad for the child I was abusing all so I could romance... well I romanced a random guy off the street because the men in this game were kind of boring - and yet in hindsight I was completely immersed into what I was doing because I was unironically engaging, grasping for agency in the systems put in place by the game's developers. I am rummaging through the rules of this universe all to spite god by making a child hate me a little bit more - and if that's not in the spirit of Dragon's Dogma II then I don't know what is. (this is only like 20% sarcasm btw)

To say it like this: Video Games aren't just to immerse you into a story better. Arguments about Immersion also always make me wonder what people think books are doing. But Dragon's Dogma 2 certainly is first and foremost a video game.

It feels like the people working on this game thought about what they were doing and during my journey through this world I got the feeling of understanding what exactly the devs went for in all aspects of this piece of software engineering - It's not trying to be a movie, it's not trying to be a book. It's trying and succeeding to be what it is and I really appreciate that.

I just wish there was EVEN MORE of it!!!

What about this game makes me scared for the future of gaming?

It grinds my gears that this keeps coming up so here it is, another round of idiot Gamers making me defend capitalism for something it didn't cause:

It's great that you all have awakened to corporations squeezing you out of your money, that's very anti-capitalist of you and I applaud that communist thinking (i'm not a communist but a lot of angry Gamers aren't either so let's make them mad by calling them that)

And yet I'm so sorry to inform you that even in Utopia people would still try to scam you.

It's not a Video Game Company's fault that you believed what they told you. I'm empathetic that it's hard, annoying and most of all stupid that we have to interact with a media landscape that is constantly trying to scam us for our money and attention, but even a genuine and well-intended artist is going to sugarcoat their product - so why would you ever believe what CAPCOM of all people is telling you without seeing physical proof first?

And even if they're point blank lying - which, straight up, for the most part Itsuno wasn't - if someone tells you they will sell you a green mug and the mug they hand you is red and you ask "but this is red" and they say "no it's green" and then you still buy it and at home you're upset that it is indeed red then you're the idiot!!! Yes, why did that person tell you that? Did they think you`re stupid? Why is Capitalism uniquely rewarding scamming people like this? All valid questions to seek answers for! But you can fall to the ground crying capitalism all you want, it's still your own foolishness that caused this!!! Don't buy shit if you're not adequately sure that you will enjoy the product!!

You have to - and will always have to - make your own informed decisions about what you invest both your money and your time into. 95% of problems that not only this but pretty much any video game discourse these days is critizising could be solved by simply researching what kind of game you would be buying into before buying it. And in this case, you have luck, this game existed before and you can try that game out for literally 5€! You know how I knew that? Because I fucking googled it.

And you can too! Thanks to YouTube, Twitch, some shitty wikis and some good ones it has never been easier to identify if a game is up to your standards before buying it - you just can't do that before the game is even out, which is why Pre-Orders are such a big problem to some people (I personally don't care, because I have to think about what I'm doing with my money anyways)

So just. Think about what you're spending money on before spending money on it! Maybe try being poor and having just enough money to buy one game every three months - that taught me to do that!

But with that out of my system let me get to the other problem this game has, one I think is really fucking annoying and stupid and really the core of my grievances with the game and not just the audience....

The Ramble Section where I get to actually talk about what I thought about

To introduce the second? third? Ramble topic of the day, here are a few moments from my playthrough that we will use to illustrate my main "problem" with this game:

I, a gay man, was forced to kiss the Sexy BrothelLady for literally no reason.

When daring to have a full male party, my main pawn mentioned that he hoped I wouldn't make not having women in the party a habit. (paraphrased)

You can buy a very revealling Mage Armor in Battahl. Naturally, after reaching Battahl around 75% of Pawns I encountered were barely dressed women.

I guess to add to that, the only black skinned Pawn I ever saw was one that Capcom made. Isn't that heart-warming.

I don't even know if there are romanceable men on the level of BrothelLady (I'm too lazy to look her name up, that's what she gets for sexual assault) or Ulrika

The Yeti Monkey Ogre gets horny for female pawns which felt very weird. I don't think there's an equivalent mechanic for male characters.

The Beloved Animations are all expressedly feminine. And I love me femininity, but it says a lot about who the devs thought would more likely be beloved and who would do the loving.

There's a summoning stone that only shows you petite women (which isn't necesarily bad, but it did raise my eyebrows)

imagine FPS being the only thing between you and that oh so hallowed immersion.

I guess to put it this way: For most of its runtime, the game gets away with pretending to be Gender Agnostic. Your Beloved can be Everyone even children! There's almost no mechanical difference between genders! You could argue that there is no intended demographic in mind for this game - that everybody can play it and therefore it's made for everyone.

Until, of course, one of those things I mentioned above pops up and serves as a harsh reminder that No! At some point in development, the devs came down hard on "This game was made for heterosexual men and everyone else can just also play it."

And with some of this shit I felt gross about having to witness it and that's really the gist of it.

I remember vividly when my main pawn no homo-ed me about my All Male Party and how just utterly ugly that felt. And I know it was phrased weirdly (at least in german) so maybe it's just me, but it was vague enough that I could interpret it as him saying he needs women in the party so he had something to look at and that's an extremely wild and frankly inappropriate thing to have your blank canvas NPC Follower say out of fucking nowhere. Like, Imagine being a woman liking men and hearing that.

It's in moments like Wilhelmina's forced kiss (i remembered her name are you proud) where the only reason it happened was that the presumed player would find that shit hot. It's in Ulrika being clearly just romance option Nr.1 and I couldn't just tell her no and continue to do her quests, I had to throw her into a wall every time I saw her to the point I completely avoided her instead of talking to her. I'm pretty sure I missed quests because of that. Like, Imagine being a woman liking men trying to do these quests.

Related, there's also something in them trying to circumvent Depicting Real Racism by transposing it onto the Beastren - which I guess didn't not work, I don't have any big feelings either way, especially since the devs at least tried to keep the cast somewhat diverse; I certainly didn't find it as appalling as whatever FF16 did. But it also makes stuff like Nadinia not being an equivalent Romance option despite being on the cover of the game questionable, because now it's like... Yeah, that was a decision you made for a reason. You didn't think your presumed audience would find the cat lady hot, right? (I certainly did and I'm gay)

I also mentioned before having strong feelings about Character Creators - because I do feel they are a very, very strong tool to make your own story telling part of the game in a tangible way. And sure, I use them mainly for self-inserts, sue me, but what I'm trying to say is:

It feels crazy to have 75% of Pawns I run into be someone's waifu and they all look one certain way. Other than that people either make some joke pawn or a bad version of a popular character - but from what I've seen the waifu they can presumably goon over was certainly the biggest pawn demographic by far.

And I know that gets into "Let people have fun!" territory, but it definitely lessened mine and I'm not even one of the people this is about. It was less fun for me not just meeting somebody's unique pawn, but - well. An Army of Women Objects. Not even objectified women - these are Women born as Objects. (and yes while these women aren't real, the treatment of fictional women is still indicative of and impactful on real women - so yeah, you can objectify women even if they're fictional) A world supposed to be filled with myriad unique pawns is uniquely filled with Women Objects - and given what the Pawns are in universe, that's kind of massively fucked up and every time the Game acknowledges that - by including very revealing armor, making it easier to filter certain types of women and by telling me to recruit more women because why would you ever have an all male party??? - it just feels gross.

Again. Try imagining being a woman that dares to like men. I keep repeating it because it feels like nobody thought about this niche group of people that's just about 50% of the entire population on earth.

And I guess I can't fault the devs too much about it, for the most part I actually really like the female characters in this game (nadiniaaaaaa) and the Pawns they themselves made are pretty diverse so clearly they cared at least a little about it; I certainly didn't find what they did as appalling as whatever FF16 did. I can only side eye them for knowing that all of this would happen and kind of enabling their players to do that.

It's just sad. It's sad and it's gross and an active reminder that despite it all a majority of people still treats women, 50% of humanity, like property, deliberately or not. It stains a really enjoyable video game with interesting mechanics to think about that I really connected with - and all because capital-G Gamers and "standard" masculinity is fucking gross and yet the devs either didn't think that far or think that's fine and good and dandy.

[blackgirl-galactica]

Mercury: The Power of Language

NOTE: Please do not steal or repost without credit. All credit goes to Tarotladytalks LLC. Thank you.

Hey yall!

This is a post about my thoughts I had on Mercury. So if you are Mercury dominant, have Mercury as your chart ruler, or just alot of Gemini or Virgo in your chart, this post is for you!

As we know, Mercury is the planet that rules communication and rationale. Yet, I was thinking to myself these past few days about how powerful a Mercurial person can be. Mercury is the planet that is calculative, quick-witted, and adaptable thanks to the neutral, mutable energy it gives off. We may not tend to give much thought of how Mercury can use that to its advantage. Ideas and rationale usually turn into beliefs (that's where it's complement, Jupiter, comes in). The best way to understand Mercury's power is when we look at it through a historical & literary lens. The most common example is the news we watch. We know the news we consume is meant to be unbiased, impartial, and "factual." Of course nowadays (at least in the US) there is a split between what news people watch (CNN vs. Fox). With this in mind many look to the news of course for official correspondence, without a second thought most times. Yet, there are those who may be skeptical and think twice, but for the majority the news is taken at face value. As a result, the ideas we see and hear of almost daily slowly program themselves into our minds.

A specific example in recent times was the beginning of the COVID pandemic. As we know the ideas and news around this pandemic was everchanging, therefore the only ideas the public could go on was the fact that there had to be a lockdown. Now where Mercury comes in is the fact the way this communication was presented may have caused some panic and caused people in the US to panic stock, but maybe if delivered in a different manner the result may have been different. This is not to say that the news outlet should have done it a different way, but this is to show how tonal and delicate Mercury's powers are. It's quite exciting!

And what's also interesting to me about Mercury is how language and communication is a form of power. To know how to communicate, rationalize, and be quick to apply in everyday situations is a powerful skill. Without communication, where would we be? It reminds me of that saying, "It's not what you say, but how you say it." Yet, to me Mercury is skillful at what to say and how to say it at the right time. This is why people with well conditioned Mercury placements can make great public figures, businessmen/women, writers, speakers, and scientists. To know how to use communication to your benefit or the world's benefit is a superpower I think we underestimate. So alas, here are my two cents! Let me know what you think. I may edit and add more to the post later, but I was itching to get this out to you all! I hope you all have a good week! Personal tarot readings are now open at my shop on Miiriya! Search Tarotladytalks on the platform. Prices have changed and so has the way I conduct readings! See ya on the other side!

-Claude

[storedcskw]

Mastering SEO: A Complete Manual to Search Engine Optimization in 2025

Search Engine Optimization (SEO) is a fundamental digital marketing tactic designed to optimize the visibility of a website on search engine results pages (SERPs). As we continue deeper into 2025, comprehending the intricacies of SEO continues to be important for businesses and content creators. In this blog, we will discuss the fundamentals of SEO, trends today, and practical tips on how to optimize your online presence effectively.

Understanding the Basics of SEO

In essence, SEO is the strategies used to enhance a website's organic placement on search engines like Google, Bing, and Yahoo. By optimizing different aspects of your website, you are able to boost its visibility on the first page of the search results, generating more traffic and potential customers.

Key Components of SEO

Keyword Research: Keywords are the building blocks of any effective SEO strategy. By discovering the words and phrases your target audience uses to find your products or services, you will be able to optimize your content for their purposes. Google Keyword Planner, SEMrush, and Ahrefs are some of the tools you can utilize to find profitable keywords with high volume and low competition.

On-Page SEO: This is the process of optimizing specific pages on your website to enhance their ranking on the search engine. Some of the most important on-page factors are:

Title Tags: Create descriptive, short titles that contain your desired keywords.

Meta Descriptions: Create enticing meta descriptions that encourage users to click on your link.

Header Tags: Employ the use of H1, H2, and H3 tags to organize your content to make it easily accessible for search engines as well as users.

Content Quality: Provide valuable, informative, and engaging content that answers users' queries.

 3.    Technical SEO: This aspect involves optimizing your website's backend structure to improve its crawling and indexing. It includes:

Site Speed: Ensure your site loads quickly, as slow websites lead to higher bounce rates.

Mobile-Friendliness: With the increasing use of mobile devices for browsing, having a responsive design is crucial.

XML Sitemaps and Robots.txt: These assist search engines in better comprehending your site's structure and content.

 4.       Off-Page SEO: Off-page optimization refers to actions external to your website affecting your rankings. The most influential factor is backlinks—other sites linking to yours as authoritative sites. Creating a strong backlink profile through guest blogging, influencer partnerships, and sharing high-quality content can greatly increase your authority and visibility.

Current SEO Trends to Watch

As we move through 2025, there are a few trends that are changing the face of SEO:

Voice Search Optimization: As smart speakers and voice-controlled devices become more widespread, voice search optimization is essential. This usually means targeting long-tail terms and answering quick questions to the point.

AI and Machine Learning: AI algorithms such as Google's RankBrain have revolutionized the way search results are calculated. Familiarity with user intent and serving up the right content is a top priority more than ever before.

User Experience (UX): Google's emphasis on UX signals means that aspects such as site speed, mobile-friendliness, and user-friendly navigation are crucial for SEO success.

Actionable Tips for Successful SEO

Keep up with algorithm updates and SEO best practices.

Continuously audit your website for technical errors and repair them as soon as possible.

Develop new, high-quality content regularly to engage your audience.

Use social media and community engagement to establish your brand and encourage backlinks.

FOR MORE DETALS :-www.lntechinfo.in

Conclusion

Effective mastery of SEO in 2025 needs a full grasp of its elements and being up-to-date with changing trends. With the proper strategies and continuous improvisation, you can effectively enhance your site's visibility and drive your target audience, ensuring your business flourishes. Harness the potential of SEO to propel your online presence to new heights!

[av-industry-blog]

😫 Struggling with poor sound from ceiling speakers? #AVsoundwoes 😣 Not thinking about room dimensions, seating, acoustics? #AVdesignflaws

🤦‍♂️ Bad speaker placement kills sound quality fast. Do it right!

🎶 Follow these simple tips for ceiling speaker placement:

🔊 Focus on sound coverage, not aesthetics #AVpriority 📏 Mind room size, ceiling height, seating #AVenvironment 🧑‍🤝‍🧑 Consider standing vs sitting listening height #AVexperience 📐 Angled speakers for elongated rooms #AVbalance 🤝 Cluster speakers above gathering areas #AVsocialspaces 🌀 Avoid placing speakers near vents! #AVnoise

🎧 Nail ceiling speaker placement for top notch sound now! #ceilingspeaker#speakerplacement#ceilingspeakerlayout

[astrovijay]

Rahul Gandhi’s Vedic Chart: A Cosmic Glimpse into a Leader’s Inner World

 Rahul Gandhi is no stranger to public life. Born into India’s most powerful political dynasty, he carries both privilege and pressure in equal measure. Yet beneath the headlines, speeches, and campaign trails lies a complex astrological story — one of transformation, karmic trials, and the quiet evolution of a soul navigating the weight of legacy and the call of leadership.

Let’s take a deeper look into Rahul Gandhi’s Vedic Kundli and explore the planetary blueprint shaping his personality, purpose, and political path.

Birth Details at a Glance

Date of Birth: June 18, 1970

Time: 9:52 PM IST

Place: Delhi, India

Ascendant (Lagna): Capricorn

Moon Sign (Rashi): Scorpio

Nakshatra: Jyeshtha

Sun Sign (Vedic): Gemini

Capricorn Ascendant: The Dutiful Climber

Capricorn rising gives Rahul Gandhi a grounded, serious exterior. It’s the sign of structure, discipline, and slow, steady progress. While some see him as reserved or even aloof, this placement often indicates a person who takes time to reveal themselves — building character through responsibility, not showmanship.

Beneath that calm is a man constantly calculating, quietly determined, and aware of the burden of his name.

Moon in Scorpio (Jyeshtha): Emotional Depth and Leadership Karma

The Moon — ruler of the mind and emotions — is in Scorpio, one of its more intense placements. Here, feelings run deep, and trust isn’t given easily. Scorpio Moons often carry emotional scars and karmic weight, especially in Jyeshtha Nakshatra, which relates to legacy, responsibility, and inner resilience.

This Moon sign suggests that Rahul Gandhi’s public calm may veil private intensity. It gives charisma, an aura of mystery, and a sense of duty to protect others — a true emotional leader, even if not always understood.

Sun and Mars in Gemini: The Curious Communicator

With both Sun and Mars in Gemini, Rahul’s core identity and energy are driven by thought, communication, and adaptability. Gemini is a dual sign — open-minded but sometimes restless. He may have struggled with finding a consistent voice early on, but this placement also offers brilliance, wit, and the capacity to connect across diverse audiences.

His Mars in Ardra Nakshatra sharpens this edge — making him a powerful speaker when emotionally invested. However, Ardra’s stormy energy can also bring unpredictability and a tendency to overthink or act impulsively.

Saturn in Aries: Karmic Struggles with Self-Assertion

One of the most telling features in Rahul’s chart is Saturn debilitated in Aries. This often brings delayed confidence and struggles with self-assertion — especially in childhood or early adulthood. It’s the signature of someone who grows into their power slowly, after facing repeated tests.

But Saturn is also the master of karma. With patience and perseverance, this placement can produce a deeply grounded leader — one who leads not from ego, but from earned wisdom.

Rahu-Ketu Axis: The Karmic Path of Service vs Ego

With Rahu in Aquarius and Ketu in Leo, Rahul Gandhi’s soul journey is one of moving from ego-centric identity (Leo) to a role focused on collective welfare (Aquarius). It’s a shift from “me” to “we.”

Rahu in Shatabhisha Nakshatra shows reformist leanings — an unconventional thinker with a hidden drive to heal or repair broken systems. Ketu in Magha links him to royal ancestry but challenges him to transcend pride and attachment to his lineage.

Mars Mahadasha (2023–2030): A Time for Action

Rahul is currently in his Mars Mahadasha, a 7-year planetary period that favors courage, leadership, and decisive action. Mars in Gemini gives him strong communication abilities, but also urges him to channel energy wisely. This phase is not just about speaking — it’s about doing.

If he embraces assertiveness and stays rooted in strategy (not emotion), this could be a defining chapter in his political legacy.

Conclusion: A Journey of Purpose Over Power

Rahul Gandhi’s birth chart reveals more than a politician — it tells the story of a man walking a fine line between tradition and transformation. He’s not here to repeat the past, but to reshape it — slowly, quietly, and often against the tide.

His karmic path is not about immediate success, but about building authentic leadership through resilience, inner clarity, and service to the greater good. Whether he fully realizes this cosmic potential will depend on how he navigates the fire of Mars, the shadows of Saturn, and the winds of Gemini.

For those seeking similar clarity about their own destiny, life's purpose, or challenges, AstroVijay is the best astrologer in India, offering deeply insightful, personalized readings rooted in traditional wisdom and modern relevance.

You can also book the best Pandit in Ujjain through AstroVijay for authentic rituals and guidance aligned with your astrological blueprint.

[astrocafecoffee]

Placements I like the most ~

Venus in Capricorn: Venus in Capricorn is known for taking life seriously, but they also have a fantastic ability to laugh at life's minor failures, particularly their own. If something goes wrong, their reaction is often more, “Well, that was expected,” followed by a chuckle. It’s like they’ve already calculated the odds of success and know that it’s okay to laugh off the imperfections.

Libra moon : When arguments or tension happen, a Libra Moon might not react immediately. They prefer to process their emotions and figure out what everyone else thinks first. By the time they express their thoughts, the conflict might already be over, and they’ll come in with, “Okay, so here’s my analysis of everything… and I think we should compromise.” Their late-but-thoughtful take is often both hilarious and surprisingly insightful.

Virgo sun:Virgo Suns can be surprisingly adventurous with food, even though they come off as practical and "healthy" eaters. They love trying out new food trends.they love recommending obscure restaurants or dishes no one else has heard of. You might not expect a Virgo Sun to be a connoisseur of anything, but food? They know their stuff.

Mercury in 10th house/mercury in Capricorn: They often have a knack for inspiring others, usually in a low-key, almost accidental way. It could be something as simple as giving you the perfect pep talk when you're stressed at work. They’ll calmly explain, “It’s all about managing expectations and breaking down the project into bite-sized pieces.” And suddenly, you feel like you can conquer the world. They don’t try to be a motivational speaker, but their logical, practical advice often has this surprising, uplifting quality. It’s kind of funny how they can turn a simple conversation into a full-on career inspiration session without even realizing they’re doing it.

Uranus in 12th house: They can heal in ways that feel totally unexpected and even a bit unusual. Whether it’s through sudden insights or unconventional methods, Uranus in the 12th house people have the power to help others break free from old patterns or traumas. They may not even realize they’re doing this at first, but they have an innate ability to help others shift their perspective in profound ways,sometimes without ever saying a word. They might just show up with an idea or suggestion that completely changes someone’s outlook on life.

Cancer moon : Cancer Moons are incredibly intuitive about people’s emotional states, but they tend to pick up on subtle, less obvious cues. They might be able to sense if someone’s having a bad day just by the tone of their voice or the way they hold themselves. However, the funny part is that they might not always verbalize their empathy. They might just quietly offer a cup of tea, a hug, or a homemade treat as their way of saying, "I get it." It’s their way of giving comfort without making a big deal out of it.

Aquarius rising/Sun : While Aquarius risings are known to be social, they do it on their own terms. You might catch them hanging out in a crowd of people but also deeply absorbed in a conversation with just one person about an entirely random topic . They can be surprisingly selective about who they connect with, preferring people who stimulate their intellect or share their unconventional interests. They might be socially active but with their own peculiar style, sometimes standing apart from the crowd but still very much part of the scene.

[houseofedtech]

Canva Create 2025 - What's New for Educators? - HoET261

In this exciting crossover episode, Chris Nesi teams up with Leena Marie Saleh (The EdTech Guru) for a detailed look into Canva’s latest educational innovations unveiled during Canva Create 2025. Whether you’re a teacher, instructional coach, or tech integrator, this episode is packed with transformative features and real classroom applications.

Featured Topic: Canva Create 2025

Key Themes and Highlights:

Canva Sheets: The Spreadsheet Reimagined

A powerful new addition to the Canva suite—Canva Sheets brings AI-infused, visually pleasing spreadsheets to the classroom.

Bulk Background Remover: Easily remove backgrounds from dozens of student photos at once.

Bulk Create with Images: Mass-produce certificates, report cards, or newsletters by integrating images directly into your sheet.

Magic AI Prompts: Skip the formulas—just describe your needs and let AI do the rest (e.g., calculating budgets, charting grades).

Magic Insights: Auto-generate graphs, summaries, or positive student comments—great for data storytelling or end-of-year celebrations.

Student Access: Available to students in districts where Canva’s Magic tools are enabled.

The All-in-One Visual Suite

Create multi-modal projects within a single file: combine slides, spreadsheets, videos, documents, and websites.

Use Case: Teachers can build unit plans with rubrics, grading sheets, lesson videos, and linked resources—all in one shareable design.

Student Application: Portfolios that blend writing, multimedia, assessments, and visual elements in a single file.

Canva Code

No coding experience needed! Generate interactive HTML-based tools like:

Flashcard games

Vocabulary matching activities

Countdown timers

Use Cases:

Do-Nows & Exit Tickets

Interactive experiences (e.g., virtual art exhibits)

Includes real-time code editing via voice or chat and seamless integration into other Canva designs.

Voiceover and Text-to-Speech Enhancements

Record true voiceovers directly in Canva—no more video workarounds.

Use AI-generated voices to read text aloud in different accents and languages (e.g., Spanish voice packs Alejandra and Sofia).

Ideal for student presentations, podcasts, and accessibility support.

AI-Powered Speaker Notes

Auto-generate speaking points from your presentation slides.

Great for prepping lessons, webinars, or class presentations on the fly.

Assignments Hub

Instantly generate quizzes from highlighted text in a lesson or document.

New classwork dashboard allows for real-time monitoring of student progress (especially for educators without an LMS like Google Classroom).

Scrollables (a.k.a. Scrollytelling)

Create animated, interactive timelines or diagrams that engage students through scroll-triggered movement and transitions.

🎯 Example: A digestive system walkthrough or a historical timeline using scroll-based animations.

Additional Features Mentioned

Superscript & Subscript support (finally!)

Rich text highlighting in Docs

Caption animations

Volume balancing for videos

Banner placement across all pages

Enhanced collaboration (up to 50 collaborators per design)

Check out this episode!