#stage one of grief is going insane on tumblr

[mygirljunhee]

Me and the mutuals December 5th

[lo-cinno]

Hi

I’m fucking dying

[vanillaflavouredyoghurt]

I'm going insane over round 6 so I'm on tumblr so i stop pacing around my room

Something I'm really loving about alien stage is how everyone is selfish in a way, and Ivan's actions in round 6 are showing this SO well

Ivan kisses Till in his last moments and the way I see it is that he knows he's never going to be with till and he just wants till to live and remember him, even it's negative, and if he's going to die he might as well get to do something he's probably always wanted to and kiss till. It's a really bad thing to do, and I think he knows it, but he's doing it because he's selfish, it's the last selfish thing he'll ever get to do. He also does it so Till wins the votes and it's just so emotionally compelling to me how HUMAN he is.

If you look at the other characters you can also see that they're all selfish in a way. Till leaves ivan alone because he wants to be with mizi, even if he can't. Sua sacrifices herself for mizi because she doesn't want to deal with the grief of losing her. Luka wanted to be with Hyuna (I think) and hurts/kills her brother so he can have that. Hyuna wants revenge, and rebels against alien stage for that reason.

Most of them are doing something that can be considered selfish ( I can't think of anything for mizi) because they're all so human. This is sort of why I disagree when I see people hating on ivan for the kiss. It's definitely bad but no one is really good, and ivan sort of does it for till (and himself at the same time ig)

Anyways that was some of my thoughts about round 6 there may be more

[aingeal98]

hello hello! i saw your post and need your thoughts and verdict (hypothetically) for yhk in the last chapter. what would yjh and hsy do once kdj woke up, what if he never woke up and remains unreachable to them after all the effort?

thoughts on doksoo/ joongdok centric and which (poignant) scene makes a neuron lit up and go ah, them. and makes you go crazy, like, every single scene might as well an orpheus and eurydice-d, such as that "cancel your skill, kim dokja"

DHGFVJDFGV sorry you're just such a joy to read on the tags as you go through the story on tumblr since the yhk tags are most often then not, lifeless

Aaaaa thank you for this it's a fun ask! :D

Personally I believe Dokja woke up. Both because I want a happy ending for them and because I wouldn't put it past yoohan to track down and kill everyone who read orv and imagined a sad ending. But also I think him waking up is only the first step. There's no way things aren't complicated afterwards because Dokja will feel guilty for putting his friends through the trauma of losing him and his friends will try and convince him that he deserves love and they don't mind but at the same time the trauma is real and it's there. So it's going to be a long road to helping him forgive himself even if they all have done so already.

I feel like YJH would be pushy at first. Like this is the guy who became a terrorist rather than try therapy. He wants to find meaning through Dokja, to ask Dokja how he's supposed to live now, and that's a lot of pressure that none of the others will want to fall on Dokja's shoulders. Which I think will be good for HSY because it let's her fall into the comfortable zone of yelling at YJH for being terrible at expressing himself and ignoring her own terrible emotions as much as possible in the mean time. So I kind of see it like:

YJH & HSY: Screaming clawing kicking biting each other outside the hospital because HSY thinks YJH is being too pushy with Dokja and YJH thinks he's helping both of them by asking Dokja for guidance and HSY is getting in the way of his recovery.

Sangah, calmly pouring herself and Dokja tea inside his hospital room: So I spoke to your mother today and she'll be here soon! Oh don't worry about those two they'll probably only break a few bones.

But then if he never did wake up... I don't think either of them would be able to truly move on. I think they'd keep hoping that he would get better and the longer he doesn't the more the likelihood grows that one of them snaps and comes up with another reckless life threatening plan to increase the odds of his recovery. I'm not sure what it'd be but I like to think HSY is the one that snaps first this time. Just goes up to YJH like "hey are you ready for me to subject you to more horrendous torment for the slim tiny chance that it could make Dokja wake up" and YJH is like "naturally".

Whether they actually succeed or whether their plan is so terrible and hopeless that Sangah has to step in and force them to accept he's gone (an impossible task but she'll push them as close to the acceptance stage of grief as she possibly can.) I'm not sure. Either way it'd be fun to read about. I haven't looked into the side stories yet but I'm curious if they might make me change my mind about any of this. For now this is how I imagine it going down anyways.

Doksoo are insane and they consume my every waking thought. Reading the webtoon after the novel is so crazy because HSY really shows up as this random villain and no one including her has any idea that she's one of the three most important people in the universe. Like she's just a little fella. A prankster who's pranks sometimes involve murder. And the way she and Dokja are so unimpressed by each other and have no idea how much they'll end up loving each other... I feel like rereading any early doksoo interaction is going to come with extra loud clown music like even Dokja calling her a plagiarist and Sooyoung being like ugh you're such a cliche like oh you dumbasses. You have no idea.

I enjoyed both doksoo and joongdok's early banter a lot like it always added a ton of energy into every scene. But the moments it really clicked for me was the whole reincarnation island arc for doksoo. Like reading his narration about Sooyoung it's like ohhhh my god he's down bad. He's as in love as I am. He doesn't even realise it but he is so enamoured by her. Like that was the moment I could see the potential for them to become as important to each other as they did. The foundation and foreshadowing was done so well, not one bit of their relationship progression felt unearned.

And then for joongdok I think it was their divorce era that really got me on board. Like they were fun in the early stages but once Dokja is convinced there's no going back and is actually emotionally vulnerable and honest with YJH and YJH gets to vent his own frustrations about being nothing more than a character... It really solidified their bond for me. It brought Dokja down to YJH's level rather than the reader he was trying to be to YJH's character. Plus we get HSY dying and traumatising Dokja for once instead of the reverse. It's what they deserve.

Also punisher and transfem YJH and everything that's implied in the novel and how that would add to to her dynamics with doksoo. Haven't gotten any solid thoughts on that yet but the concept is slowly taking a grip on me.

So yeah after the reincarnation island arc I was so fully on board with this ot3 and every single Orpheus moment that followed hit right into my heart.

Sorry this is so long and barely scratches the surface alsjsjdhdh. I'm still processing everything but man. What a story. What a trio. Wretched mirror soulmates with toxic codependency my beloveds.

[katnissdoesnotfollowback]

WIP File Game

I was tagged by @pookieh and @thelettersfromnoone Thanks for the tags, friends ❤️

Rules: In a new post, post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet of it. Tag as many people as you have WIPs.

I’m going to add some rules here because I plan on tagging a few artists as well. For artists, instead of a snippet, post a screenshot or pic of one part of your work I progress OR tell us a little bit about it. Maybe this won’t work so well since I’m operating on the assumption that artists, like writers, have multiple pieces that they might be working on at once… 😬

Sooooo… I had to pick and choose how I was gonna do this because the number of files after ten+ years of fanfic writing is slightly insane. And because I can, I’ve taken notes from @thelettersfromnoone and divide them into categories.

“In progress” means currently posting to ao3 but not complete. The last few on this list haven’t seen updates in close to a decade but they’re not abandoned yet (crazed laughter in the background).

Spellbound

Outside Chance*

Outside Expectations*

Outside the Lines*

Where the Stars Crumble to Life

Holiday Havoc Ensues

No Reason

Fickle Games

Ampersand

Everything You Are

One Last Hope

“In progress” actually means in the planning, outlining, and/or drafting stages. Pieces of these may or may not have already been posted to tumblr or other places but I am actively working on all of these, depending on my mood, and hoping to start posting the actual fics to ao3 within the next year…. Hahahahaha. 😒 There are a few notable exceptions that I’ll talk about if someone asks. This list is in no particular order.

Spiral & Collision / Ellipses and Ignition

Caught in the Net of the World

To Know Not to Be Known

Babbling Brookes*

Grief Catches Us All

You + Me

In the Eyes of My Love

The Turning of the Seasons

Hand porn

The Touch of Time

The Courtship of Lambs

Septimus

In the Waiting Dark (The Red Moon Rises)

Crush My Bones with Bittersweet

The Cold Side of the Bed

Nude Dude Food

Yeah, I’m not tagging that many people. And that’s the trimmed down version. 🤦🏻‍♀️ but I will tag a few!

If you so choose to play: @frick6101719 , @browneyeddevil , @deinde-prandium, @mrspeetamellark , @charlunday @am2c @gremlinddrawss @little-lynx

[turquoisedata]

this is about me really, not GO. Please stay, I won't make a post like this again.

it took me a week to watch Good Omens season 2. I mistimed my S1 rewatch and then the week after it came out was insanely busy* so I couldn't think about it at first. I watched the first ep Thursday 3/8, then the day after my son went to his other parent's house so I could watch the rest in one go.

I think maybe that wasn't the best of ideas?

It's been 9 days now. 9 days in which I have struggled to think about anything else. 9 days in which I have signed up to Tumblr, which I've been avoiding since the site launched. Thought I was too old, ha. 9 days in which I've been away to visit family but during which I've sneaked views and rewatched the show with my son** and started to reread the book and watched Staged and cried. 9 days in which one of my friends *died*, unexpectedly but also not, and still all I can do is cling onto this frigging show. All I can do is watch the kiss gif and the chest stroke (that I legit didn't even spot) and Az grabbing Crowley's waist (that I very definitely did).

I want to know why this has grabbed so many of us so hard. I mean, partly because fucking Neil has BROKEN ALL OUR FRIGGING HEARTS, so of course we're finding comfort together. But.

My friend didn't have a person, a partner to share her life with. I always thought that wasn't fair. I know she would have liked to find someone. A piece of my grief will always be sadness that she deserved that and didn't find it.

I don't have a person either. I thought I'd found my soulmate, but after two decades of thinking our souls fit together I realised he was a bit of a shit, actually, and that I deserved better than someone who was just plain mean to me. I didn't want our kid thinking that was expected or normal.

And I think, maybe. When I see Crowley and Aziraphale gazing at each other with such longing and love and affection and want and lust, it gives me hope that even this late 40s perimenopausal AuDHD mess might actually find someone, some day, who looks at her with love like that.

I dunno. It's been the best part of a decade being single, in that time I've realised I'm autistic, realised I'm not straight, lived through a plague, entirely broken down. I'm so much more broken than I used to be. I feel like... why would anyone ever want me.

But maybe they will?

I really hope none of my IRL friends followed me when I shared one post that I made on my Facebook. Also really hope my ex never finds this. Hey ho blah blah blah blah plausible deniability

*stupid work getting in the way of my obsessions

**he's also devastated, I feel like such a terrible parent

[lifezvictory]

Okay, so today’s (technically yesterday’s since I’m writing this post at midnight but I don’t really consider it to be the next day until I either go to sleep, or the sun comes up, whatever comes first) episode of SaMS was very emotional, to say the least. Normally I don’t write posts about those because my possibly neurodivergent brain (haven’t been officially diagnosed but I’m almost certain it’s true) doesn’t really know how to formulate coherent, smoothly flowing pros about hyper-emotional stuff, especially when I’ve recently been exposed to it. But, I have some thoughts that I have to share, so I’m releasing them into the chaotic bowels of Tumblr. (These thoughts, of course, contain spoilers for the latest episode so only click read more if you’ve seen it or are willing to be spoiled.)

So, I have a feeling that Eclipse is really, truly dead this time. And when I first got acquainted with this orange menace, I would’ve been extátic at this. I was the first time he “died.” But now? I’ve actually got mixed feelings.

On one hand, Eclipse really was a terrible person and he kind of deserved what he got. But on the other? I’m a little disappointed with the writers’ decision. Because, it felt like they had been leading up to a redemption ark for Eclipse. All this talk about him having nobody and no purpose, I just felt like it could have been leading up to something bigger. And even though I used to hate Eclipse with a burning passion, I have read two amazing fanfics that did an ark for him insanely well, and I would have loved to see the original creators of this character’s take on it. Although, there was a part of me that thought it might not go that direction because in one q & a, someone asked if Eclipse could be redeemable, to which Sun and Moon understandably denied and I thought could possibly be the opinion of the creators themselves, and not just Sun and Moon’s.

The little scene near the end of the video, with Eclipse and Solar Flare in the mindscape right before their death really got to me, especially with Eclipse’s reaction. He was genuinely terrified unlike his first version’s death, and I’m pretty sure the guy went through the five stages of grief in those thirty seconds or so. It resonated with me because it humanizes (animatronicizes?) Eclipse, showing that he fears death as much as anybody else, but it’s also relatable to me, personally, because I have quite a bit of anxiety surrounding my own death.

One thing, or rather one person that i feel like people aren’t focusing enough on however, is Solar Flare. I know many people didn’t care about them much (The Blue Guy, in his video talking about SaMS lore said that they’re basically just Eclipse’s minion which fair) but they always held a special place in my mind. I felt like there was so much possibility for their character, especially the way the lore episodes were going. They were just developing, or at least appearing to develop, sentience and a personality/identity of their own, only to be killed off along with Eclipse when they hadn’t really done anything wrong. They were only following their programming to serve Killcode when he was evil, and actually seemed to be forming into a decent person before their demise. Only for all that potential to just be wiped away in an instant, with not many people taking notice, in universe or out. Eclipse was the only person who got to know the true them, if only slightly, and he never even appreciated them or treated them well. Hell, I don’t think Solar Flare even got a single positive interaction with anyone in their entire short existence. Yet they still somehow managed to remain so well-intentioned and wise? (I have to continue writing my Solar Flare-centric fic in their memory)

In real life, death is just like that. It cuts lives short, removing vibrant beings with lots of potential (I have no clue what happens after death but I’d like to think of it as a permanent absence and not an absolute destruction for the sake of my sanity.) But, this is fiction. And there’s a point where I’d just rather not have fiction be quite this realistic and devastating, you know?

The fact that Solar Flare was so accepting of their death made it even more heartbreaking for me, personally. They were completely accepting of it, and didn’t seem afraid at all (although it could be because they weren’t yet emotionally developed enough to express it.) This, to me, meant that they had nothing left to live for, and felt as though they no longer had a purpose. And for me who, as you would know if you’ve been reading my posts for a while, likes Solar Flare quite a lot, it devastated me. I want to give Solar Flare a big hug.

I’m not sure how to end this post. But, that’s my thoughts on the latest lore. I think this was probably the longest post I’ve made to date.

[luckydiorxoxo]

Just like some people are desperate for a BU, some are desperate for a wedding. And I'm just sitting here like, what difference is it going to make to our lives? Maybe some will climb out of Rogaine's bland ass, and that can only be a good thing.

The way both sides are tearing each other down. Like those people don't even know we exist (until they want our money lol). Picking fights on the internet over what two boring people choose to do with their lives, discussing their drab house, their alleged wedding, whatever all day, is insane to me.

I guess fans on one side are naturally going through stages of denial to grief at this point. On the opposite side, I wonder if this ALL.... is giving some fans some weird power trip. It's just bringing out the worst in some fans (in high key forms of delusion). I generally like chaos but I think some accounts go overboard. Maybe it's because they don't know how to move on, don't know how to focus on something else or it's just simply for tumblr traffic.

[worlds-4th-best-dad]

Propaganda!

@ungodly-amounts-of-godly-trauma​ hope I don’t appear completely unhinged here.

Alright, listen up, mothers and fuckers of Tumblr! What I’m about to drop is probably the most effort I will ever put into propaganda for a character I love, but- fuck it! -I’ll be damned if no one else does it! Now, where do we begin…

Whoo boy... Well, for starters, she was born visually impaired in the Omekata Temple. This made life rather difficult and dangerous, so her parents, the leaders of the Omekata Religion, opted to have her stay in the temple for her safety.  She was raised quite lovingly by her parents for 10-11 years, even if she was used as a figurehead for the religion on the false basis of possessing clairvoyance.

All was going well, until the cult's second-in-command, Funatsu, decided to assassinate her parents in a staged car accident, using a crudely made bomb, in order to gain full command of the cult. Once done with the murders, he changed the cult's mission from helping the weak to purifying themselves and new followers of sin by using Tsubaki as a... sponge.

So, Funatsu locked Tsubaki away in a massive cage in a confinement room to be used in cleansing rituals.  The followers performed this ritual by committing acts of rape upon the young girl. Imagery of syringes seen in the anime implies that Tsubaki was drugged or paralyzed to prevent her from fighting back.

Tsubaki suffered these horrid rituals for approximately two whole years. The only thing that comforted her during the years of abuse was a small temari or handball that her mother gifted her; the only reminder she has left of her.  Unfortunately, as if spited by the gods themselves, the ball rolled out of the cage after a ritual and was never seen again. This was the final straw that caused poor Tsubaki's hopes to shatter, plunging her into insanity, and ultimately wanting the destruction of the world that caused her nothing but grief and misery.      

[heronchildlove]

does me feeling like the writing of kits death was too jarring and rushed and unfinished mean that im stupid, an asshole, annoying, and can't read? it was just my first impression when i read it, it felt very off and i assumed it was okay for me to feel that way, im sorry if that's hurting people's feelings

You can feel however way you want, but feelings being "valid" doesn't mean they are always right and justifiable, that's not how that works, and it specially doesn't mean you get to make it anyone else's problem or hurt others because of them.

Specifically, in this case, it means that if you have a negative or hateful opinion about something other people love based on your own arbitrary preferences, then you either keep it to yourself or you discuss it in your private DMs/group chats with your friends. You do NOT post it on the tags where people go to find content and art about things they love and which make them happy.

Do you go up to a stranger on the street wearing a band tshirt and just randomly tell them the band sucks and that you hate all their songs and that they did x and y wrong because you think they should have done a and b instead? Or do you climb the stage on a theatre after everyone clapped to talk in front of the audience about how the play sucks and the actors are bad? No, because that would be insanely rude, uncalled for and an asshole move. So why do you all think it's ok to do it online?

I hate plenty of books or authors or a bunch of anything too and you will never know, because I make a point of not being an asshole and not ruining the fun of others and not ruining things for people which they love and which make them happy.

So, you have all the right to be sad a character died, that is not the problem, but if you are one of the people that have been pestering and flooding the tags with negativity and hate and stupid inflammatory takes, then, yes, I do think you are a stupid asshole and I hate you, actually, and no amount of "but my feelings :(" is gonna make me think otherwise, because you all hurt OUR feelings (the feelings of people that just want to be happy with something they love) first, and constantly, and unnecessarily, because you could have kept your negativity and hate to yourselves, but no, you made a conscious choice to be assholes about it instead.

And then you say "sorry if that's hurting people's feeling"? Of course it is! What else did you think was going to happen? How many more people have to post about being upset or taking a break from tumblr because of all the negativity for you all to get a clue and stop?

And yes, I do think the content of those posts is stupid, because if you: a) somehow missed the whole point of tlh (and tda, its connected story) being about the pointless destruction and pain brought on by revenge quests, grief turned into madness, and war; b) expect a narrative to change povs or halt completely to acknowledge every-single-person-that-was-close-to-a-character-that-died's thoughts and feelings; and c) somehow missed all the on the page shown examples of the characters grieving over kit AND all the subtext of the way his death completely altered the narrative and all the character's actions from that point on (for example, what do you all think Anna being so Determined To Die to beat the shit out of all the possessed brothers and sisters herself was if not her being unable to process her grief and powerlessness to save Kit and channeling it into rage, revenge and self-destruction instead?), then the only conclusion I can come to is that you don't know how books or stories work and don't know how to read or to interpret text.

And, again, that's not anyone else's problem, it's a you problem, so we are back to: keep your hateful and negative takes to yourself/your friends and stop bothering everyone else and ruining good things for people that love them.

So, to reiterate my tags: can you all annoying assholes shut up with your idiot posts about this now?

[theblackcubeofdarkness]

I posted 1,075 times in 2022

That's 1,075 more posts than 2021!

293 posts created (27%)

782 posts reblogged (73%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@parables-for-days

@ask-msd-6678

@biggitybugs

@adventuresofcandymareinvrchat

@a-spoonful-o-generosity

I tagged 779 of my posts in 2022

Only 28% of my posts had no tags

#reblog - 260 posts

#the black cube of darkness - 143 posts

#rp - 137 posts

#ooc - 100 posts

#joke post - 92 posts

#ask blog - 90 posts

#parables for days - 46 posts

#askmsd6678 - 30 posts

#hand drawn art - 24 posts

#n1ghtw1ng scp - 22 posts

Longest Tag: 127 characters

#his d̵̼̞͍̲̅̚ȉ̶̤̝͓m̶̛̩̟̑̓ȩ̸̨̜̹̔́̕͘n̸̥̣͚͔̐̎̽͘ţ̴̯͚̀̔͠ͅi̴̧̼̺̠͌̐ǫ̸͈̭̣͒͠ṇ̶̾̕ ̸̡̰͍̬͌̑b̸̯͇̄u̶̬̟͐r̷̘̫̋̄͘͜n̴͎̖̪̫͆̕e̸̢̗̻̪̎́͊d̴̨̫̤̜͗̏͝

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

make the cube french

SHOOT I MADE THAT ALREADY!!! WHY DID I THINK AHEAD?

20 notes - Posted December 7, 2022

#4

The Ask Box is Open!

This is a WOY AU RP and Ask blog ALL CROSS OVERS ARE ACCEPTED because im insane! My time zone is PST (Pacific Standard Time)

If you want to send an ask to start an RP feel free to!

Charectors:

-The Black Cube! (Character is owned by Disney)

-Phillip the Snom!

-Robby Lobster!

(If you notice that I made and inappropriate comment or action PLS LET ME KNOW!!! Im dumb alot and dont see the obvious! it would be appreciated thanks!)

(Edited: 12/6/2022 Ok here are the rules!

SOMETHING

No god-modding

Expect the cube to defy the universal laws

If you go insane due to this blog I am not legally responsible

I'm out of ideas.

Side RP Blogs

@snakefruitpolitics - Cooke Run RP account (I know I never played it before just thought id be fun)

@thewizardanon - What I use to cast spells on other blogs!

20 notes - Posted October 25, 2022

#3

The Cube is bored

After the cube was thrown into a void he has been bored and gone through the 6 stages of grief... now he is bored

( @theblindfoldedprince has won the achievement Bore the Cube! )

21 notes - Posted December 1, 2022

#2

"We don't talk about that here..... "

32 notes - Posted November 16, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

A Thankful Cube Message

I'm grateful for being able to start this blog and encounter SUCH AMAZING AND NICE BLOGS THANK YOU TO ALL THE BLOGS I HAVE ENCOUNTERD AND HAVE A NICE DAY CYCLE!!!

A Thanks To (thanks for being so kind)

@ask-msd-6678 : FOR BEING SUPER KIND AND UNDERSTANDING!

@ask-red-velvet-cookie : For somehow withstanding my chaos that I cause... How? AND BEING SUPER KIND! (Seriously thank you!)

@parables-for-days : For being so nice and king despite my chaos!

@vaderssolace : For also being kind and nice despite my chaos (and for drawing me (: )

@painttasticpony : For being INCREDIBLY NICE AS WELL and including me in some of her projects!

@xabby09 : For helping me start off my blog with a promo!

@askbananapie : FOR BEING SO AMAZING TO ALL BLOGS THAT START WHAT YOU DO IS AMAZING AND SO KING ( Also banana in trouble go support him! )

@a-spoonful-o-generosity @ : Does this need any explanation? THANK YOU YOU HELPED IN SO MANY WAYS AND BEIGN SUPER KIND!

@askgermanv1nce : For being Probably one of the nicest people on this site!

@therealcelestia : For being a funny blog!

@fractiouslemonofficial and his wife : FOR BEING SO DARN AMAZING AND KING AND ALSO BRINGING JOY INTO ARE LIVES!!!

@ask-light-rain-and-buds : For being very kind and inclusive to so many blogs.

@watchdogsworld : for helping me learn the rope of the jungle of tumblr (and being very kind)

And Since I'm getting al little tired here's a quick list of blogs that I am also thankful for but without the repetitive dialogue from my part!

@adventuresofcandymareinvrchat , @nox-lunarwing , @a-bunch-of-small-aliens , @asktwilighteclipse , @katsuko-rp-blog , @her-faithfulstudent , @rainbow-dash-the-ultimate , @askdrunktwilight , @wanderfan2000 , @janetthecrazyplanet , @thelittlestflyingdoe @askthoughtformfluttershy , @n1ghtw1ng-scp , @asktwilighteclipse (probably going to add more today)

THERE ARE SO MANY OTHERS I WANT TO THANK AS WELL SO HERES A BIG THANK YOU TO EVERY SINGLE BLOG I HAVE ENCOUNTERED ON THIS WONDERFULL SITE SO THANK YOU YET AGAIN! (my fourth update wow im forgetting A LOT of stuff)

42 notes - Posted November 24, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[cursingtoji]

sands help a bitch out pls Im going insane 😭

so theres this fic that I read months ago and it was a gojo x reader and it was historical au basically gojo is king his queen runs away with geto and reader is the queen's doppelganger and she has to fill in for her to save her dad..so I HAVE LOOK WEST AND SOUTH UNDER EVERY POSSIBLE TAG FOR IT nothing..starting to think it was either deleted which in that case what a shame...or maybe I read it on AO3 and Its a mandela effect and I think it was on tumblr (highly doubt) but pls it you recognize it tell me I go throught the 5 stages of grief every couple weeks bc of it thank you 😩

your little synopsis got me interested dear but i have absolutely no idea

do you remember if it was a series or just a one shot? i tried looking up some key works like king gojo here but i couldn’t find anything that fits

so many blogs that i followed deactivated lately so that might be a possibility too

if anyone recognizes this fic pls let us know !!

[whatisgoingonpaul]

It’s about the progression

Apparently tumblr doesn’t save drafts so here we go again.

One of my favorite details is one you don’t really notice on your first watch? It’s so small but so significant and it drives me absolutely insane, it’s such a good character and story note and I really wish more talked about it?

Eric never replaces his makeup though the film. He never fixes it or is seen altering it in the movie, there’s no fixing it or ‘movie magic’ it’s back to solid again. Thought the movie we watch it begin to fade with each death and wash with the rain, by the time we reach the end of the movie in the graveyard it’s barely there at all. Instead there’s a bit clinging to his hairline and jaw, his eyes are a bit more sunken but that’s it, it’s been washed away.

It’s such a good fucking character detail? It’s representative of the crow and of his grief it’s self? The only point in the movie when it’s ever full face and perfect is when he first applies it and goes after tin tin, every other point after we watch it begin to wear and wash away. His time is slipping, it’s limited the closer he gets to the end.. justice is almost served, why should face paint matter? He doesn’t .. care, not really, nor particularly… the face paint itself was his grief about his - but especially shelly’s death.. about the situation, sort of a sign of the crows influence. The further along the more it fades. By the time it’s down to top dollar Eric is no longer as set as he had been, he’s slow and fading… all of his anger drained into his sorrow and he doesn’t care. He didn’t know of top dollar’s involvement until he dragged Sarah into the fight.. he was at the point of grief that he was given up, sullen - the entire final fight was a last desperation- he was done long before it the beginning of it he is more annoyed/sad he has to fight at all rather then carrying the same rage of the start. When Shelly comes , his face is almost completely washed free of the makeup. It’s him again, it’s time to let go- it’s time to go.

It’s alongside the stages of grief (alongside his personal arch) . It also lines up with the comic really well in a detail you wouldn’t notice if you haven’t read. In the comics Eric’s makeup remains the same/solid as it’s drawn, but each issue is broken up into books.

Book one: Pain

Book two: fear

Book three:Irony

Book four:despair

Book five: death

Epilogue- Passover

Like the movie Shelly comes as he is at the grave and allowed to crossover - however it includes a bit of dialogue. They used to say they’d be together forever, that forever is now.

The movie itself follows the similar system each part having a central emotion he aligns with in the moment. (Such as Albrecht’s apartment and Meeting Sarah again being in despair.). And I’m just- screaming as the paint follows with it, once he passes into another stage it changes with it. Be it blood splatter or simply rubbing off. Once again this movie didn’t have to go half as hard as it fucking did and I 👏🏻 I mentioned before it basically making the comic comprehensible and it genuinely does. It takes SO much little detail from the comics that it took me watching face paint to realize?! Hhhhhhhhh!

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hey Steph, got any good old (maybe new?) bedsharing fics for a fanfic obsessed lurker?

Thanks 😘

Hey Nonny!!

Hahha! I actually just did a list recently of my old ones, but I just double-checked my offline lists and I actually DO have some fics on my next Bed Sharing list, so GUESS WHAT? Your ask is the one to start the next Bed Sharing one, LOL.

As usual, if anyone has any they’d like to add, especially if they’re brand new fics, let us know! <3

BEDSHARING Pt. 5

See also:

The Speckled Blonde / BedSharing

BedSharing Pt. 2 and Insecure Sherlock

Bed Sharing Pt. 3

Bed Sharing Pt. 4

Bed Sharing “Just Happens”

Soft. Happy. Content. by inevitably_johnlocked (G, 223 w., 1 Ch. || Sleepy Cuddles, Bed Sharing, Slice of Life, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Spooning, Morning After, Sherlock POV) – Sherlock reflects on his state of mind.

And When The Night Is Over by Simply Isnt On (K, 329 w., 1 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Platonic Bed Sharing / Not Slash) – Sherlock and John sleep together.

I Knew You Loved Me by inevitably_johnlocked (T, 743 w., 1 Ch. || Morning Cuddles, Fluff, Clingy Sherlock, Idiots in Love, Slice of Life, Morning After, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Declarations of Love, Pet Name, Bed Sharing, Snuggles) – John and Sherlock share a lie-in the morning after their first time. So fluffy and gross your teeth will fall out. Part 4 of I-J's Tumblr Ficlet Collection

Sleep Tonight by Jenn1984 (T, 1,220 w, 1 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Bed Sharing, Worried Sherlock, Sick John, Hugs/Cuddles, Touch Neediness) – Fingers begin prying open his jacket looking for a wound and John would really like to swat at them. No, he's not hit anywhere, he's just damn sick.- John Watson has a fever.

Loved. by inevitably_johnlocked (G, 1,231 w., 1 Ch. || First Sherlock POV, Slice of Life, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Nose Kisses, Morning After, Love Confessions, Morning Cuddles, Emotional Sherlock, Sentiment, Bed Sharing) – Sherlock reflects on his relationship with John. Part 5 of I-J's Tumblr Ficlet Collection

Here to Stay by MockJayPhoenix12 (K, 1,574 w., 1 Ch. || Post Reunion, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Headache, Bed Sharing, Care Taker Sherlock, Hand Holding, Fluff) – On Sherlock's first day home, John wakes with a migraine.

The Perfect Place by SilverSmile (K+, 1,955 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Romance, 5 and Ones, Fluff, Experiments, Bed Sharing) – Sherlock attempts to find the perfect place to sleep, but his little experiment proves to be far more difficult than expected.

Insomnia by TheSingingGirl (K+, 2,635 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Humour, Bed Sharing, Sleepy Sherlock) – Sleep is merely the next frontier in what has become the battle to keep Sherlock alive. It's because of this that John ends up in bed with a sociopath.

Human Body Pillow by Lunavere (K, 4,122 w., 1 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Five and Ones, Sleepy Johnlock, Bed Sharing) – A story about the five times John fell asleep on Sherlock, and the one time Sherlock fell asleep on him.

The Myth by AGirloftheSouth (M, 4,329 w., 1 Ch || Sex Toys / Anal Beads, PWP, Romance, Bottom John, Prostate Stimulation) – Sherlock believes something to be a myth. John proves him wrong.

When We Sleep by PrincessNala (K+, 6,660 w., 1 Ch || Post-TGG,  Alternating POV, Bed Sharing, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Hurt/Comfort, Hugs) – Sherlock needed to feel every beat of his heart, every rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. It was the only way to completely assure himself that John was alive and right there next to him, and not dead, no, never dead…

To be loved by Strange_johnlock (E, 12,436 w., 8 Ch. || Post S3, Established Relationship, First Person POV Sherlock, Pet Names, Soft Sherlock, Mild ADHD, Protective John, Captain Watson, Body Appreciation, Bottomlock, Rough Sex, Travelling for Holidays, Introspection, Sherlock Loves John So Much It Hurts) – John is so deeply integrated into the work, both as my conductor of light, and as a great shot with a vicious right hook who tackles men -and women- no matter their size all in my defense. He protects me with all he can without question, and this loyalty is surely more than I deserve. Or: Sherlock is counting his blessings.

There's So Much Labour Just in Breathing Lately by Susan (E, 12,708 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF / Mentions of S3 Events, Romance, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Grieving John, Mutual Pining, Meddling Mycroft, Therapy, Ambiguous Hopeful Ending, Infidelity) – The dreams he hated most – the ones that left him a sweating, shaking mess when he woke – were the ones in which Sherlock was just Sherlock. Laughing or drinking tea. Sitting across the table from him at Angelo’s eating pasta. Trailing his open hand behind him on the way to the bedroom. “C’mon, John. I’m about to have my way with you.”

Kintsugi by distantstarlight (E, 14,772 w., 1 Ch. || Post S4, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Regret / Remorse, Loneliness, Separation, Drug Use, Healing, Protective John, Sad Sherlock, Dev. Rel., Complicated Relationships, Love, Angst With Happy Ending, Sherlock is Called Freak, John’s Penance, Voyeurism, Doctor/Caretaker John, Guilty John, Detox, Fingering, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Slight Non-Con Turns Enthusiastic Consent, Virgin Sherlock) – Sherlock Holmes becomes estranged from the man he had once considered his best friend after John lets him down horribly in public. It seems that the world's only consulting detective will be on his own once again...or will he?

The Burning of the Leaves by blueink3 (M, 15,915 w., 3 Ch. || Post S4, Angst, Reichenbach, Parentlock, Past Jolto, Idiot John, Sherlock’s a Mess, Puppies, Fluff, Possessive / Jealous Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock POV, Matchmaker Sholto, Melancholic Feelings, Emotional Sherlock, Domesticity, Love Confessions in the Rain, Kissing in the Rain, Pet Names, Panic Attack) – After the events of series 4, Major Sholto invites John and Sherlock to lunch one day. It nearly proves to be too much for their tenuous relationship as the past haunts the present, putting the future that Sherlock so desperately wants at risk.

A Silver Sixpence by _doodle (NC-17, 16,400 w., 2 Ch. || LJ Fic || For a Case / Case Fic, Fake Relationship, Humour, Romance, Marriage Proposal, Awkward Idiots, Cuddling, Touching, Kissing, Love Confessions, Bed Sharing, Friends to Lovers, Fake Until It’s Not, Schmoop and Fluff, Bottomlock) – “John, we need to get married. It’s for a case, not any romantic notions on my part pertaining to our partnership,” Sherlock said, with brutal honesty, and without even looking up.

Division by MrsNoggin (E, 19,542 w., 11 Ch. || Coffee Shop AU || First Kiss/Time, Fluff, Barista Sherlock, Clingy Sherlock, POV John, John’s Limp, Bed Sharing, Fluff, Sleepy Cuddles, Sensuality, Touching, Virgin Sherlock, Insecure John) – John likes mysteries. And every morning he dips into the local independent coffee bar with his newspaper and ponders another... one Sherlock Holmes.

Out of the Woods by SilentAuror (E, 20,471 w., 1 Ch. || Post S4, Romance, Slow Burn, Flirting, Drunk Sex, Practical Jokes, POV Sherlock, Bottomlock, Possessive John, Pining Sherlock, Frustrated Wanking, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, First Kiss/Time, Virgin Sherlock, Love Confessions, Soft Sherlock, Dancing, Bum Appreciation, Hanging out with the Yard) – Sherlock is fairly certain that John has taken to flirting with him of late, but can't be entirely certain of it. At least, not until a case takes them into a forest, along with Lestrade's team and something happens that will change everything about their lives...

Insanity in the Middle by DotyTakeThisDown (E, 28,010 w., 8 Ch. || Equestrian Sports AU || Alternate First Meeting, POV John, Pining John, Bottomlock, Clueless Sherlock, First Kiss/Time, Passionate Kisses, Hand Holding, Caught Making Out, Bed Sharing, Spooning, Blow Job) – John is a world-class eventing rider with a gold medal and several four-star wins to his credit, but he's never won at Rolex. Sherlock is an up-and-coming rider taking the sport by storm.

A Home for Us by sussexbound (M, 30,581 w., 12 Ch. || Scars, Bedsharing, Grief, Doctor John, Hurt/Comfort, Post-TRF, Implied/Referenced Torture, Sherlock POV, Pining Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation, Heavy Emotions, Clingy Sherlock, Hallucinations, Disassociation, Emotional Turmoil) – He has been on the road for two years, and he is exhausted. He’s almost accepted that he will never see London (John) again—almost. But then there are nights like tonight, where he is weak, and all he can think of is the warmth of the flat they once shared, the crackle of the fire in the hearth, the teasing smile playing at the corner of John’s lips, the boxes of half-eaten Chinese takeaway balanced precariously in their laps. He aches at the memory of it, at the realisation that it is something he may never experience again.

Anchor Point by trickybonmot (E, 49,856 w., 80 Ch. || Truman Show AU || Psychological Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Dark Characters / Fic, Alternating First/Third Person, Protective John, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Tender Moments, Love Confessions, Hand/Blow Jobs, Cuddling, Jealous John, First Kiss/Time) – The world tunes in nightly for Sherlock, the ultimate in reality TV: Sherlock Holmes, a real person with a legendary name, unknowingly lives out his life in a staged setting contrived by his brother. Things get complicated when a retired army doctor joins the show to play the part of Sherlock's closest friend. This fic borrows its concept from the 1998 film, the Truman Show. However, you don't need to have any knowledge of the movie to enjoy this story.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse by SilentAuror (E, 50,635 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4/S4 Divergence, Case Fic, For a Case / Reverse Fake-Relationship, Conferences, Marriage Equality, Travelling / New York, Pride, Homophobia, Bottomlock, Marriage Proposal, John POV, Sexuality, Love Confessions, Emotional Love Making, Public Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Passionate Kissing, Needy/Clingy Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Touching / Hand Holding, Bed Sharing, Little Spoon Sherlock, Intense Orgasms) – John and Sherlock go to New York to attend a conference run by the National Defence of Traditional Marriage Coalition in order to investigate the potential bombing of the annual Manhattan Pride parade. As the conference unfolds, John finds himself repulsed by the toxic ideology being presented, which becomes relevent to his own unacknowledged issues and his friendship with Sherlock...

A Goose Quill Dipped in Venom by Polyphony (M, 52,748 w., 16 Ch. || Celebrity John AU || Alternate First Meeting, TV Host John, Supermodel Mary, Character Death, Mystery, Romance, Case Fic, First Kiss/Time, Meddling Mycroft, Drug Abuse, Doctor John, PDA, Deductions, POV Sherlock, Toplock, Sexual Tension, Angry/Rough Sex, Hopeful Ending, Asperger’s Sherlock) – Sherlock Holmes, consulting detective, is called in to a very ordinary although brutal murder. Something is badly out of tune with the whole scenario and Sherlock finds himself becoming more and more obsessed with the crime - and also with the victim.

Isosceles by SilentAuror (E, 56,609 w., 7 Ch. || Post-S4, POV John, Original Male Character / Sherlock Dates Another Man, Love Triangle, Jealous John, Virgin Sherlock, Sexual Coaching, Angst, Romance, Domesticity, Unrequited Feelings, Miscommunication, First Kiss/Time, For a Case, Friends With Benefits, Bottomlock, Love Confessions, Spooning) – After solving a case for a major celebrity, Sherlock gets himself asked out. When John asks, he discovers that Sherlock has no intention of going, at least not until John agrees to coach him through whatever he might need to know for his date...

Lunar Landscapes by J_Baillier (M, 57,046 w., 21 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || S3/TAB Fix-It, Slow Burn Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Confessions, Drugs, Pain, Medical, Injury, Sherlock Whump, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Romance, Secrets, Tragedy, Trauma, BAMF John, Doctor!John, Drug Addict Sherlock, Injured Sherlock, Grieving John, Idiots In Love,  Protective John, POV John Watson, PTSD Sherlock, Sherlock is a Mess, Medical Realism) – An accident forces John to face the fact that Sherlock's downward spiral had started long before his flight to exile even left the tarmac.

Repairing the Broken Things by BakerTumblings (M, 75,252 w., 15 Ch. || S4 Compliant, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Trauma, Hospitals, Big Brother Mycroft, Misunderstandings, Realizations, Severe Accident, John Whump, Pneumonia, Medical Procedures, Bed Sharing, First Time, Healing, Happy Ending) – "I'm calling today to notify you that there's been an accident."

Just To Hold You Close by sussexbound (E, 70,841 w., 18 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting, Sherlock POV, ASD Sherlock, PTSD John, Demisexual Sherlock, Bisexual John, Cuddling/Snuggling, Platonic Cuddling, Enthusiastic Consent, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, First Kiss/Time, Sexual Tension, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Cuddle Negotiations, For a Case Until It Isn’t, Hair Petting, Sexual Negotiation, Anxiety, Trust Issues, Slow Burn, Panic Attacks, Frottage, Hand/Blow Jobs, Referenced Self Harm / Abuse / Suicidal Ideation, First Kiss/Time, Anal) – When a woman is murdered and the last person to see her alive is recently invalided army vet turned reluctant (and prickly) professional cuddler, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes is pulled into a world of intimacy and intrigue he never could have imagined. John is a conundrum and mystery: frank yet reserved, tender yet angry, open yet afraid. Sherlock is instantly drawn into his orbit, and begins to feel and desire things he never has before.

Gold Rush by ShirleyCarlton (E, 71,783 w., 17 Ch. || Post S3 / No Mary, Friends to Lovers, Mentions of Past Sexual Abuse, First Kiss, Case Fic, Slow Burn, Alternating POV, Switchlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Marriage Proposal, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Abduction, Anxious/Insecure Sherlock, Miscommunication, Emotional Lovemaking) – John has divorced Mary and pops round to 221B one evening to find Sherlock in the middle of a case. As Sherlock tries to find the identity of a young woman’s stalker, John realises he can no longer deny his feelings for Sherlock – which then, to their befuddlement, turn out to be mutual. Shy kisses and tentative embraces ensue. But will Sherlock be able to cast off a shadow from his past that he thinks might prevent John from wanting to stay?

Thermocline by J_Baillier (M, 83,557 w., 14 Ch. || Scuba Diving AU || Adventure, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Marine Archaeology, Asexual Sherlock, Horny John, Relationship Drama, Technical/Scuba/Wreck Diving, Slow Burn, Underwater /  Medical Peril, Doctor John, Hurt Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock, John POV, Protective John, Body Appreciation) – John "Five Oceans" Watson — technical dive instructor, dive accident analyst and weapon of mass seduction — meets recluse professor of maritime archaeology Holmes. As they head out to a remote archipelago off the coast of Guatemala to study and film its shipwrecks for a documentary, will sparks fly or fizzle out?

Kintsukuroi by sussexbound (E, 91,823 w., 20 Ch. || S4 Compliant / Post-TLD, Grief / Mourning, PTSD, Internalized Homophobia, Therapy, Past Abuse, Alcohol Abuse, Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Anxiety, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Suicidal Ideation, Masturbation, Minor Character Death, Sexting, Frottage, Inexperienced Sherlock, Rimming / Anal / BJ’s, Emotional Turmoil, Finding Each Other) – “I love you.” Sherlock sees the words hit John with almost physical force. He reels back a little, jaw twitching and eyes filling. “I love you,” he repeats, a little softer, a little more gentle, as earnest as he possibly can. Because they’ve been teetering on the brink of this thing for years, and it had become painfully obvious over the last few months that they were at a tipping point. This had to happen. Now it has. Now they can see where they end up. The tears in John’s eyes spill over, and he wipes at them angrily. “Do you even know what that means?”  

The Summer Boy by khorazir (T, 94,706 w., 6 Ch. || Post S3/Post TAB/Alternate S4, Friends to Lovers, Flashbacks, Sussex, Bullying, 1980′s Kid Sherlock, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Inexperienced Sherlock, Grief/Mourning, Pining Sherlock, Background Case Fic) – About half a year after the fateful events at Appledore, Sherlock and John embark on a private case in Sussex. For Sherlock, it’s a journey into his past, bringing up memories both happy and sad that he has locked away for almost thirty years. For John, it means coming to terms with the present – and a potential future with Sherlock. Part 1 of the The Summer Boy series

Northwest Passage by Kryptaria (E, 95,157 w., 27 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Canadian AU ||  BAMF!John, Canadian John, PTSD, Anal / Oral Sex, Rimming, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Drug Rehab, Falling in Love, Pining Sherlock, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Violin, Panic Attacks, Switching, Anxious / Protective Sherlock, Hugs for Comfort, Suicide Mentions, Healing Each Other) – Seven years ago, Captain John Watson of the Canadian Forces Medical Service withdrew from society, seeking a simple, isolated life in the distant northern wilderness of Canada. Though he survives from one day to the next, he doesn't truly live until someone from his dark past calls in a favor and turns his world upside-down with the introduction of Sherlock Holmes." Part 1 of Tales from the Northwest

The Bang and the Clatter by earlgreytea68 (M, 137,049 w., 37 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Baseball AU || Slow Burn / Dev. Rel., Possessive/Obsessive Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Mutual Pining, Body Appreciation, Depression, Closeted Sexuality, Family, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Ogling Each Other, Anxious Sherlock, Panic Attack, Drunkenness, Talk of Forever, Big Feelings™) – Sherlock Holmes is a pitcher and John Watson is a catcher. No, no, no, it's a baseball AU. Part 1 of Baseball

Against the Rest of the World by SilentAuror (E, 151,714 w., 20 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Hiatus Fic, POV First Person Sherlock, Present Tense, First Kiss/Time, Big Brother Mycroft, Escaping from Capture, Soft Sherlock, Toplock, Insecurity, Infidelity, Travelling, Introspection, Pining Sherlock, Depression, Fantasies, Yearning for the Past, PTSD Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation) – Sherlock has been away from London for nine hundred and twelve days and counting, and has no idea what sort of reception to expect when he finally returns.

Proving A Point by elldotsee & J_Baillier (E, 186,270 w., 28 Ch. || Me Before You Fusion || Medical Realism, Insecure John, Depression, Romance, Angst, POV John, Sherlock Whump, Serious Illness, Doctor John, Injury Recovery, Assisted Suicide, Sherlock’s Violin, Awkward Sexual Situations, Alcoholism, Drugs, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Body Image, Friends to Lovers, Hurt / Comfort, Pain, Big Brother Mycroft, Intimacy, Anxiety, PTSD, Family Issues, Psychological Trauma, John Whump, Case Fics, Loneliness, Pain) – Invalided home from Afghanistan, running out of funds and convinced that his surgical career is over, John Watson accepts a mysterious job offer to provide care and companionship for a disabled person. Little does he know how much hangs in the balance of his performance as he settles into his new life at Musgrave Court.

[wexhappyxfew]

Shannon! I have a question for today, it might be a little broad, but how did you come up with Natia’s character? :)

AMY!!! hello! sorry that i have *just* gotten to this as my weeks have increasingly gotten insanely busy between my job starting back up, school, college stuff, and ap exam chaos as well haha! i did this at about 11pm(?) and i'll be queuing it up for the morning for you, but outside of tumblr, i've thought a lot about this question and what i really wanted to include in this question. having almost spent 10 months spent writing and developing natia to who she is today makes a whole lot of stuff move through my brain when i go back to my developing stages for her! thank you for the question (and the broadness, never fear, i absolutely love it!)

Natia's character really came from the idea of just wanting to really push myself out of the box and *out there* to see what I could do. And I will say Landslide is one of my most *out-there* projects in terms of content - I mean we have Death as a personified character, crazy Agent Mortem, all these past connections to Natia? It's chaos haha! But, I had experimented previously with a partly Polish-OC, Hazel Parker of "The Soldier of Stars", and from that, I went, well there's no centrally focused Polish OC yet that I have seen (this was back in like June-July 2020 mind you, so there probably has been Polish OCs created since this time!!) and I had always felt that the Warsaw Uprising was inherently important! I also read up on the Polish Resistance and how they were the most effective resistance group of continental Europe during the war, with ultimately the Warsaw Uprising being their last final push that did sort of end that.

Something I've really enjoyed about creating Natia's character was putting a great focus on her flaws. Now, her strengths are just as important - she is a great soldier in the field, she's highly intelligent and can make quick decisions on the fly, she withholds a lot of strength when it comes to situations where she needs to focus, she's observant, and she keeps herself fairly humble when not bursting at the seems. She doesn't let herself get stepped over very often (unless it's Mortem) and if anything she will insert herself, and show what skills she has, but she won't go overboard. She's also passionate about her country and her people and she always has something to fight for and even when she feels all hope is lost, she withholds a tiny little sliver no matter what, even if she doesn't feel it. But her flaws I feel are a massive part of her character. She's stubborn, she won't let people help her, she has trouble expressing emotion, she numbs herself more often than not to not feel the pain that she is supposed to feel, she blames everything on herself, she gets hot-headed quite easily, and grows to the point of nearly irrational at some moments in time and even will let her emotions get the best of her in times like this. But that makes up who Natia is as a character and who she is as a person in general.

But even with the strengths and flaws of her character, it makes her very much still a human being. And that was one of my main goals when creating Natia - make her human enough to make that angst HURT, but make her human enough that when you see her succeed or even the little wins here and there, you want to cheer. Because those are human moments. And I know this sort of character creation is not for everyone, but for me over the past near-year, this has been one of my favorite things about creating Natia because I've found myself able to relate to her even though I'm so vastly different from her.

I did some research on a British-Polish SOE Agent, Krystyna Skarbek otherwise known as her alias Christine Granville and I took a few liberties from this amazing woman and used it on Natia. But things such as Agent Mortem, Death/War connection and the eventual introduction of another character Solomon Campbell (who will be in Part 3), as well as the Resistance group of Part 1 and her siblings and parents, are all more of my own ideas and connections!

Something I have had a LOT of fun doing is showing that even though on the exterior Natia seems cold-hearted and dark and numb, and whatever other *cold+dark* ideas can be thought up, she is very much underneath -- not that. We can see how much evidently she cares for someone like George Luz; I mean even Joe Liebgott has pointed it out to her. She always is just trying to do her best and do what is best in the situation - no longer it is about what is good or bad anymore to her, it's about doing what's best in the situation for the time being, and I really love that aspect of her character a lot! We can see that when the war ends, she wants to live on the English coast, far away from war all alone with a dog and even a little goat in a seaside cottage. She grew so attached to the word AWOL after Joe Toye came and sat with her that night in Holland and they talked for once about something other than war. She even withheld her name, her nationality and just about everything else to keep the idea of the cold-face agent she thought she was up so the men of Easy Company don't have to know the real her. But -- was it to protect her...or to protect Easy? All these little ideas I threw in there to show that she is actually, very, compassionate in many ways, and caring and attentive and observant of the men and women she works with.

I really try to show that Natia listens when she listens to someone speak and she observes and she pays attention more than anything. And she ends up, holding information like that close to her and finding comfort in it.

My goal with Natia was to show that there can be a balance to "the bad-ass fighter" idea who fights for what she believes, but also remain human as well. We can see how much things affect her, especially the loss of friends. Of course, she doesn't show this to other people, but to use as readers, we see this and we see her occasional breakdown - and in a way, she continues living on their legacies because she listened to what they had to say. For example, Zdzich told her to not let the war overtake her, and throughout the story so far, we've see her sort of repeat this to herself in various ways. Because Zdzich meant that much to her. She's lost so much by this point in war that almost it's so sad to see that she, from what we all know of BoB, still has to go through so much, but at that point, she's fought so much, that all she can do it keep pushing on with it.

I think one of the most interesting moments from writing Natia was when the first few chapters were actually uploaded on platforms and there was someone really coming after Natia for her decisions and for this, that and the other thing (amy if i vaguely remember i think you remember who this person is as well because you clapped back at them once, and man your response was GOLD!!!). One of those things was Natia's approach with food (TW: mentions of struggling to eat with food, references of depression and struggling to eat, mental health issues relating...) and the person who commented would always be saying something about how she needs to eat, and she needs to remain strong and she needs to snap out of it with her depression and all this other stuff and to be honest, I sort of sat there for a moment like??? But there's reasons WHY she's not eating? Why she's holding back? (And of course ones I had mentioned so...) But let's move on.

Mental health was a prevalent thing in World War 2, though it was not looked upon fondly and Natia essentially does have depression as well as a border-line eating disorder. And so when the comment said that she had to snap out of it, I don't know it sort of off-put me because I have family with both those disorders and they've had treatment for it for years and you can't just snap out of it. I really tried to stress that 'the snapping-out-of-it" does not work, and the person kept firing back a bit at it, so I just moved on from it and ignored it. Natia's struggle with eating, as one can see, also comes from the heavy guilt and grief that is slowly uncovered throughout the story of what Natia has done and what has happened throughout the course of the war to her. Natia's number one thing she constantly does and has now become the focus of many character relationships with her (ie Doc Gene Roe) is the clenched fists, that she squeezes until they bleed and eventually need wrapped up by the Doc. Something she also refuses to accept she has a problem with. As we can see, acceptance is a concept she struggles with more than anything and something she will essentially have to learn to simply, accept.

That's just sort of one of the many bits of information about her character that I added, especially in society today as mental health is so important and so I just wanted to share a bit of the backlash I got from someone for it. But I guess that's life, but I'll continue to write Natia Filipska as an OC who does struggle with depression because of her life in war.

Natia's character and her story is probably one of the most complex characters and stories I've written and crafted and created and I'm just extremely happy with how she ended up coming out in the end! I'm about to go and do some writing and editing for her and it's just so exciting writing her because of all these various levels she withholds and she slowly lets uncover as the story unfolds! I just love it! OH - and we can't forget about the infamous mentions of the piano....yep that'll be coming up soon haha!! <3

THANK YOU FOR THE QUESTION AMY!!! IT MEANT SO MUCH!!!! just getting to talk about Natia a little bit and her character and what my mind set was creating her - it means so much. my mindset with her is somehow always changing and shifting as she goes through her character arc throughout the story and how her developmental shifts and it's just something i really love and enjoy more than anything!!! <3 so thank you for letting me just talk about it for a little while as well as my thoughts and opinions, it means a lot :)

[murphystartedthefire]

Okay it’s been some time, I’ve had some days,

MEMORI FINALE DISCOURSE ANONS LET’S GO

My feelings are mixed! They really are. My overwhelming finale reaction was “huh, I guess that wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been” followed by a long, numb, aching feeling in my chest, followed by peace, followed by “they can still grow babies on Bardo though, can’t they?” (that’s a side conversation)

So I’m not telling ANYONE else how to feel, because I’m still sorting my own feelings out. I certainly appreciate that this is a hard ending to swallow for Murphy fans who don’t like Memori. Remember, even for you it’s not as bad as it could’ve been since he’s alive and happy and with everyone else at the end!! But the way he got there basically by accident and was otherwise 100% gonna choose death over living without Emori as the final culmination of his story... not everybody’s gonna find that super romantic and beautiful, especially if you’ve felt for seasons that Murphy’s Epic Love For Emori is not your favorite thing about his character, or you actively think their relationship is unhealthy, toxic, etc.

(I promise I’m only gonna yell SHE’S MADE THAT CHOICE TO SACRIFICE HERSELF AND DIE WITH HIM TOO once. I’ll just say it once. I needed to get it out of my system, it’s my tumblr. I know it’s not the same because they survived all those situations. Then again they also, incredibly, survived this one.)

As someone who does love Murphy’s Epic Love For Emori? And expected it to play a big role in the end of the show, but never imagined it happening like this? Yeah, it got me. It made me cry. It’s making me cry now.

Murphy and Emori are THE love story of “The 100″ for me, the way normal(?) shippers felt about Bellarke or Clexa. Without them I wouldn’t have made this sideblog or ever engaged with this fandom. Without them I would have stopped watching the show pretty early in season 6, if not earlier. I’m not going to act like this conclusion to their arc wasn’t *extremely validating* and emotional for me.

If I have something to criticize about this ending (pre-transcendence epilogue), it’s really a problem that was built up long before the finale and especially in this season. I wish they weren’t so isolated. I wish Emori wasn’t basically the only thing Murphy valued or made his life worth living, ‘cause that was never fair to either of them. I wish their love had made them stronger and more connected to others, instead of constantly just anchored to each other, dead or alive.

“The 100″ might’ve been better overall -- certainly more watchable for me -- if they were part of it and not on a whole other show sometimes. On the other hand, my lizard brain only wants to see them together, so being the center of each other’s world to the very end, to the point where they’re SHARING ONE UNCONSCIOUS BODY, only makes me ship them harder. It’s a double-edged sword.

The whole mind drive thing... you don’t have to think it was the right choice or the healthy choice, even. You just have to get that it was Murphy’s choice, and completely on brand for him. He never wanted to just ‘survive’ if it meant losing her. It was an insane gesture that he committed to with every fibre of his being.

Look, once the mind drive was in Murphy’s head -- once Emori was dead, honestly -- there was no “good” way for it to end. I felt that viscerally as I was watching the episode. (Yes, yes, pre-epilogue, I was proven wrong by magic and aliens.) Murphy could stay in there and die with her, or Emori could push him out and convince him to let her go. He’d still get to say his last goodbyes with her, but she could more firmly insist he needs to move on -- I briefly wondered if that’s how the scene would end.

But I wouldn't BELIEVE Murphy moving on and letting go. I've said in like 20 different posts that the ending I wanted LEAST was for Emori to be killed and shatter Murphy’s soul and force him to be alone. (Not least because holy hell I didn’t want to watch a WOC violently fridged for his survival and character growth.) The second-worst ending to me would be him dying and her surviving.

It wouldn’t work without another full season (at least!) of Murphy coming to terms with Emori's death and finding SOME way to cope and be happy again, which of course in the real world I’d think was possible. In the world of fiction, we didn’t have time for that, and to rush him to the Acceptance stage of grief would be completely unearned.

Seeing Emori all bloody and contorted and glassy-eyed on that table while Murphy falls apart was... so, so fucking awful in a way that’s going to haunt me for a long time. I made a gif set with ONE shot of her in it, and it was somehow the LEAST upsetting one and still like the worst thing I’ve ever put on my blog. It didn’t need to be as ugly and graphic as it was. It did not need to linger on her body that way. But I think *why* they made it like that, besides sadism and shock value, is so even the audience felt his need to undo it and not have that be our last memory of her either.

So yeah... on a gut level, on a story level, it was so satisfying IMO. The goddamn tear of relief and fulfillment falling down his face when he’s holding her again, and he never has to let her go for the rest of his short life. The way that every other Memori scene has led to this. I’ll love you forever, even if we die today. To the anon who asked if you’re a bad person for liking it? You’re a human person responding in the intended way to a love story!!

I like a whole lot of tropes in fictional romances that aren't great or admirable in reality. Is this particular form of attempted “suicide” -- where doing it LITERALLY allowed him to reach her in the mindspace and see the light in her eyes again and spend their last hours/days together in a happy place -- likely to spawn any copycat behavior or ideation? I doubt it, certainly not as much as other triggery crap they’ve done on this show. I'm willing to not worry too hard about whether Memori are Setting a Good Example for how people should react to a loved one's death, and instead be like "Hell yeah those two deserved to go out like Romeo & Juliet, and then be brought back to life just as a bonus anyway.”

It's not REALISM and should not be TREATED as realism, but it was a perfect end to an iconic TV romance where they never could live without each other. That’s where I stand on it right now.