#stan x hooper

[stansmithblog2]

Characters

Stan Smith, Avery Bullock, Jackson, Dick Reynolds, John Sanders, Hooper, Duper, Dr. Weitzman

Relationships

Stan Smith/Avery Bullock, Stan Smith/Jackson, Stan Smith/Dick Reynolds, Stan Smith/Hooper, Stan Smith/John Sanders, Stan Smith/Duper, Stan Smith/Dr. Weitzman

[eds6ngel]

NERDY GIRL (book lover, does well in school, loves to study) DATING EDDIE MUNSON. BOTH LOSING THEIR VIRGINITIES TO EACH OTHER. THANKS, BETH, ILY :33

not so shy now, are we?

eddie munson x afab!fem!reader.

summary: after borrowing a copy of 'jaws' from hawkins library, you are shocked to find the explicit material written across the pages. however, your body reacts in a different way than you intended, which doesn't go unnoticed by eddie...

warnings: HEAVY SMUT!! fem!reader. afab!reader. queer!reader. switch!eddie & switch!reader (they are both dom and sub at different times.) unprotected p in v (r is on birth control.) fingering. A LOT OF DIRTY TALK. mentions of dildos, straps & silicone bodies. mentions of porn. pet names (sweetheart, my love, honey, baby.) swearing. established relationship. one mention of religion/god. some fluff & comfort at the end [2.9k].

a/n: thank you for requesting, my love! i kind of went off on this (i was feeling kinky today :')) so i hope you don't mind that!! we stan kinky virgins in this house and they deserve some love. so, low and behold, kinky eddie and reader ♡

You and Eddie were sat top-to-tail on his bed, lying beside each other as you read away.

Your knees were tucked up to your chest, your borrowed copy of Jaws from Hawkins Library laying in your lap.

Eddie, on the other hand, was sprawled out like a cat, his copy of Fellowship of the Ring held high above his head, the boy squinting to read the words.

You had urged him to get his eyes tested, even offered to pay for the appointment due to the Munson’s financial insecurity, but he wholeheartedly refused, claiming it would “ruin his look.”

You tried your best to convince him it would just make him look sexier, but he brushed you off with a “Thanks, sweetheart” and carried on with his far-sightedness.

You had seen Jaws when it had first come out in theatres over ten years ago, your seven-year-old mind blown away by its visuals and story.

So, when you picked up the book, you expected the story to be pretty much the same, more focused on the descriptive writing than any major plot differences.

But, as you came to a certain scene, your mind started to race.

“Hooper's teeth were clenched, and he ground them the way people do during sleep. From his voice there came a gurgling whine, whose tone rose higher and higher with each frenzied thrust.”

You and Eddie hadn’t gone any further than humping. It never ended in anything, just something to satisfy yourselves whilst you made out.

You quickly looked over at your boyfriend, his attention deeply focused in on his favourite book.

Raising the book from your lap, you hid your face behind it, softly biting your lip as your eyes scanned the following two sentences.

“Even after his obvious, violent climax, Hooper's countenance had not changed. His teeth were still clenched, his eyes still fixed on the wall, and he continued to pump madly.”

However, despite your best efforts to cover your face, Eddie had already felt the bedsheet moving against his legs. Looking away from his own novel, he takes note of the way your thighs squeezed together, the content of the pages in your respective hand obviously causing a stir in a certain region of your body.

A sudden smirk appears on his face as he thinks of an idea, beginning with a simple gesture to capture your attention. He takes his sock-covered foot and rubs it against your bare one.

The feeling of the fabric against your skin makes you jolt, almost snapping the book shut as you peer over the top of it to see your boyfriend’s face.

“How’s the book, sweetheart?”

You gulped, forcing a smile on your face and nodding furiously as you replied, “Yeah! Yeah… Um, really good! It’s, um… really good, yeah…”

You notice the way he folds the corner of his page, placing the book on his nightstand and crawling up the bed to sit beside you. Out of instinct, you hold the book close to your chest, your mind unable to close it fully due to the urge to continue reading the steamy scene.

He lets out an exaggerated yawn and casually drapes his arm behind your back. “I’m bored of my own book. Read some of yours to me. I’m interested.”

Bored of Fellowship? That couldn’t be right. He was up to something here.

“Um… I’d rather not!” you squeak out, trying to conceal the dirty words on the page in front of you, “I just… don’t feel like reading aloud today.”

He nods understandably, however, that same glint remained lurking in his orbs. “I understand, baby.”

However, so distracted by the beauty of your man, he delicately removes the book from your hands. The action was so incredibly light, Eddie placing it in his right hand whilst his left rested on top of your knee, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Okay, let’s see here… What beautiful words grace this adaptation of a truly wonderful film?”

You throat closes up as you are reminded of what you just read a mere few minutes ago. It was currently summer in Indiana, so the freeness of your skirt allowed you to feel how wet you already were beneath your panties.

“Hooper's teeth were clenched, and he ground them the way people do during sleep. From his voice there came a gurgling whine, whose tone rose higher and higher with each frenzied thrust,” Eddie spoke, his tone becoming deeper and more sultry, his hand slowly travelling up your inner thigh.

The words sounded sexy enough coming from your own inner voice, but with Eddie’s? You didn’t know how long you were able to contain yourself.

“Even after his obvious, violent climax, Hooper's countenance had not changed. His teeth were still clenched, his eyes still fixed on the wall, and he continued to pump madly,” he continued, his hand now reaching over your panties, feeling the wetness leaking through.

He chuckles seductively, “Didn’t know Jaws was this explicit sweetheart, but it seems like you were enjoying it regardless.”

God, for a virgin, he already knew how to push your buttons, somehow finding your clit through the fabric and rubbing delicate circles around it.

“Eddie… please,” you whine out, mouth slightly parted as you look at him with pleading eyes. He switches hands, placing the book upside down beside his own and using his right to continue focusing on your bud.

He cups your cheek with his left hand, turning you on your side as he kisses you softly, gentle moans releasing from your lips as he ever so slowly pleasures you.

You can feel him leave your clit, moving his hand upward before stopping at the band of your panties.

“This okay, baby?” he mutters in between kisses, to which you break away to softly reply, “Very okay.”

Your lips connect once more, your hand cupping his cheek as he delves beneath the restriction of your underwear. Inside his own mind, Eddie was floating. He couldn’t believe this was finally happening, and that oddly, he was exemplifying so much confidence.

He relished in the adoration of how wet you were. He doubted that it was merely the underwear that underestimated the amount, you had gotten wetter since he began pleasuring you. You were wet for him.

“Holy shit, baby,” he groans, looking down to see where his hand was buried beneath the fabric of your simple, black panties. His fingers were soaked, travelling lower until they reached your tiny, little hole.

Your face was buried into his neck, nodding frantically as you lifted your leg up higher, giving him access. He felt your head move against the side of his face, his cheek leant against it as he slowly sank one finger inside of you.

The stretch felt so fucking good. The coolness of his ring could be felt against the entrance of your pussy, the tip of his finger softly rubbing against the spongy spot at the back.

He could feel your hot breath against his neck, small whimpers escaping your lips as you simply whispered “More, please. Need more…”

He knew exactly what you meant, but didn’t want to break you. You were tiny, and he would punish himself forever if you even felt an ounce of pain caused by him.

“Don’t want to hurt you, sweetheart,” he whispers into your ear, his breath coming out in pants.

“You won’t, my love. Please… Just… I need you so bad.”

And how could he deny that begging? He was one step away from floating to heaven. And if he was being honest, he would happily die this way if it meant you moaning away in his ear.

So, without hesitation, he pulled his finger out, and entered again with two, pushing deep into your pussy.

The stretch was beautifully delicious, the burn being extremely pleasurable as he attacked that spongy spot once again.

He was being delicate, you could recognise that easily. But, that wasn’t something you wanted. What your boyfriend didn’t know is that you were kinky as hell. And the rougher he did it, the more satisfied you would be.

But, Eddie wasn’t all that innocent either. His trips to Family Video were strategically planned so that Robin was on shift, knowing that it was a lot easier (but not completely devoid of awkwardness) if he got his hardcore porn whilst she was working the front counter, rather than someone like Steve Harrington.

“Harder. Please, Eddie, please!” you sobbed into his shoulder. With how full you were, it was almost painful with his slow pace. All you wanted was for him to drive into you with force.

With your cries of frustration, the inner dominance of him struck out, him gritting his teeth and biting on your earlobe, “Yeah, you want it fuckin’ rough, sweetheart?”

“Want nothing more, baby. Please give it to me.”

And with that, he began pumping his fingers in and out of you at lightning speed. With each thrust, the palm of his hand smacked perfectly against your clit, increasing the amount of pleasure you felt.

You were able to give him hickeys on his shoulder purely by biting down whenever he hit particularly hard. Each pull of his skin lended itself with a harsh hiss from between his teeth.

“Is this what you imagined when you were reading that book, baby, huh? Thought about my fingers pumping into you like that?”

Oh god, he was a dirty talker too. You nodded frantically, almost screaming when he stopped pumping, pushing his fingers as deep as they would go and shaking them up and down. The sloshing sounds coming from your pussy made you both moan in unison.

“Holy shit,” he whispers, before continuing to blabber, “Course you did. You think about me often, don’t you, sweetheart? Think about me when you’re alone at night, filling yourself with those sweet toys you have underneath your bed.”

You honestly didn’t even know he knew about them. But, it was hot nonetheless. Knowing that he knew about the nine-inch dildo sent shivers down your spine. God, what if he even saw the strap? The bottom half of a silicone body that you practiced fucking into?

“Always think about you, Eddie. Wanna be fucked by you so bad.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, baby,” he moans into your ear, “Think about you too, you know. Never cum so much until I thought about you bouncing on my cock.”

You let out a harsh whine as you felt yourself teetering close to the edge, but Eddie says it before you, “I know you’re about to cum, baby. You gonna cum for me?”

“Gonna cum so hard for you, Eds.”

He can feel you getting tighter and tighter, struggling to move his fingers inside of you, “Then show me, baby. Let go for me.”

And with that cooing, you let out a silent scream, followed by a loud moan as your legs shook violently, tightening around Eddie’s arm, locking him in place as he slowly pumped his fingers, coaxing your orgasm out of you.

“So good for me, baby. So fucking good.”

As you came down from your high, you placed delicate kisses over the marks you had made on his shoulder, Eddie slowly pulling his fingers from you.

But, you gently lifted his hand to your mouth, taking both digits and sucking them clean, exaggeratedly moaning over them and rolling your eyes back on purpose. You felt the strain of his jeans against your thigh ages ago, you were deliberately trying to wind him up.

“Fuckin’ hell, honey. Why didn’t we do that sooner?”

You giggle, biting your lip as you breathe out, “Didn’t know you were as kinky as me.”

“That day I didn’t come into school because I was ‘sick’ was because I came four times after seeing your sex toys the night before. I couldn’t walk all day.”

“Oh my God,” you breathlessly laugh into his shoulder. “Well…” you begin to place soft kisses on his jaw, “I could make that fantasy of yours become a reality if you’d like.”

Eddie felt his dick kick against his jeans. Looks like his body was giving him an answer before he got his head straight.

“Please, baby” he practically whines, “But, don’t expect it to be as sexy as it was a second ago. I doubt I’m going to last longer than a couple minutes.”

“Don’t care,” you say, beginning to un-do his belt buckle, pushing him down onto the mattress softly, “Just need to feel you fill me up.”

Eddie moaned at your dirty words, but had to make sure of something before you started. “Birth control, right?”

“Yeah. On the pill,” you reply, capturing his lips in your own.

Thank God. He could not be dealing with a mini Munson just yet.

You slowly remove his jeans and boxers, tossing them across the room as his cock smacks against his stomach. He was delicious. Had to be around six inches long, girth about the same, curved slightly to the right. He was going to fit amazingly inside of you, you just knew it.

You positioned yourself on top of him, grabbing the base of his cock and rubbing him against your wetness, remembering that practicality was still needed, even if you just wanted to fuck yourself stupid.

You look up at him, checking he was okay, “Ready?”

He nodded, “Always for you, baby.”

And so you began, sinking down onto his beautiful cock, Eddie letting out a choked moan beneath you. If a God truly did exist, you would definitely be thanking him for creating this gorgeous specimen falling apart in front of you.

You leant down, whispering and panting in his ear, “Tell me when to move, baby.”

Eddie grabbed onto your waist, preparing himself for what’s to come, “Move, sweetheart. Jesus Christ.”

And so you did, beginning to slowly lift yourself up, before slamming back down onto his cock. Both of you let out deep groans in sync, you immediately picking your pace up, struggling to contain yourself.

The wet sounds of skin slapping against skin echoed throughout the room, combined with your whines and Eddie’s deep moans. You pressed down on his chest, using it as leverage to increase your deepness.

Not realising your eyes had been closed the entire time, you slowly opened them, seeing Eddie’s mouth in the perfect ‘O’ and his bangs sticking to his forehead, his eyes closed in delight.

“Open your eyes for me, baby. Need to see your pretty eyes.”

He opens his eyes, almost instantly looking down to where your bodies connected.

“Better than you imagined, huh?” you taunted, your dominance seeping out, “Your cock wasn’t ready for how good this would be, was it baby?”

He shakes his head, completely submitting to you, “Never, baby. Feels so fucking good. Feels like I’m fucking dreaming.”

You try to thrust as hard as you can, assuring him that he wasn’t dreaming at all. That this was all very much real. That his first time was this rough. That his girlfriend was kinky as shit.

Suddenly, you feel his cock begin to twitch inside of you. You mockingly laugh at him, “Your poor baby says otherwise, honey. Think he wants to cum. Am I right in thinking that? He wants to fill me up?”

God, something about you referring to his cock in the third person was about to send him spiralling over the edge. He could barely form words, too pussy-drunk to be able to speak. “Y-Yeah. Gonna cum.”

“I can tell, baby,” you say, leaning forward and whispering into his ear, “Cum in me, please. Really need you to fill me up.”

And with a supported groan, his warm cum splashed against your inner walls, sticking to you as he twitched and moaned.

“Good boy. Good fucking boy,” you whispered as he came down from his high, his dick becoming soft inside of you.

As you lifted yourself off of him, his cum began leaking out of you, the both of you marvelling at the sight.

“Holy shit,” Eddie sighs out happily, watching it drip into a pile just above his cock, gently caressing your hip.

“We just did that,” you giggle, grinning happily as you collapse onto Eddie’s chest, kissing him silly, smiling against his lips.

“That was… something else.”

“Better than you expected?” you ask, a sudden shyness washing over you, almost a hint of self-consciousness, afraid you took things too far.

“Never dreamed it could be that good in a million years,” he sighs. “Sorry I didn’t last long.”

She grabs his wrist, looking at the object encompassing his wrist, “Seven minutes isn’t bad at all for a first timer!”

Eddie began chuckling, “You looked at my watch before we started?”

You hide into his shoulder, “Wanted to see how well you would do.”

He places a soft kiss on your forehead and laughs, “You nerd. I love you so much.”

You smile softly, a soft blush spreading across your cheeks, “I love you too, baby.”

And with the both of you tired out from your day’s events, you fall asleep peacefully wrapped in each other’s arms, knowing that if there’s one place you’d both like to be for the rest of your lives, it would be here.

requests are open! if you would like to send me any asks, check out my character list and send me anything that i have specified is appropriate!

taglist: @cosmorant @ye0nvibezzn @tlclick73 @superlegend216

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme... A Russian After Midnight? (Sriracha, Part 2.)

Description: Going to the party at Steve’s, getting hammered and high didn’t seem like a much of a good idea after the local chief of police finds you vomiting all over his blazer. As a punishment, you’re supposed to replace their secretary Florence while she leaves for her two-month vacation. And ever since that night, your life was turned upside down.

Reworked and re-imagined: December 2023

Part Summary: Working at Hawkins PD seemed to be safe for the most part - yet as soon as Flo left for her vacation, you were about to find out that the position of the local secretary was actually pretty terrifying.

Warnings: Mention of drug usage and Jim whoring around. Also, Hopper does his best to trigger the reader by purposely calling her different names (while also not being able to remember her name).

A/N: We do stan a messy king in this house - we also suffer from savior complex, yaaas (no shit, it's very obvious).

Work count: 4.5K

As soon as Hopper pulled his hand off you and decided it was time to disappear into his small den of an office, you somehow knew you wouldn't see him until the shift ended. Maybe not even then. Instead of giving Hopper the looks filled with intense hatred as you planned on, you decided it would be better to start getting used to all the paperwork while Flo was still around to hold your hand and tell you if you're doing something wrong. Sure, it seemed to be redundant, but she asked you to go over cases that had been officially closed due to prolonged inactivity, so you had to know your shit. Also, the two of you had more time to chat and get to know each other, which you personally enjoyed a whole lot. Around 2 p.m., your brother and Harrington showed up as promised, bringing you some coffee and sweets you requested, and asking about how everything was coming along. Sure, the sibling rivalry was palpable as you talked with Aiden, but Flo was there to save the day - she asked all about the boys' basketball endeavors because your nonna told her everything about it.

She explained she was leaving to visit her sister in Montana - her daughter also lived in the area and since Flo gathered a rather large number of days she could vacate in, she decided to take a prolonged one. Flo's daughter was a nurse and had two little ones of her own - sons Mike and Teddy, who sounded like the best grandkids in the world. You got so invested in her stories and family history that you didn't realize it was already 3 p.m. by the time you looked at the clock. You didn't really mind telling Flo some stories of your own - it was genuinely warming to have someone listening intently while remembering your fucking name... How did Hopper come up with Melissa, anyway? You didn't look like a Melissa, more like a Brandy or Caitlyn, you always assumed. Melissa, pft. This made your eyes roll.

As soon as you hit five in the evening, you deemed it a good time to leave the office - and Flo did too. Just like your girly Dolly Parton always said, she was working from nine to five and you were too. Powell offered to give you a ride home, which was genuinely nice of him, but you dismissed him thankfully - it would've looked super fucking weird and neighbors would come to untrue conclusions real fucking fast, you assumed. Like the hard-working adult you now were, you left your bike by your house's garage while listening to Dolly on your Walkman. The worst part was that you knew you'd be back tomorrow morning, making sure the policemen's day would go by smoothly. Flo told you it would be okay to come in later, but you were still a little bit confused by the paperwork, so you decided you'll come to work at 8 a.m. - you'll have plenty of time to prepare everything just like Florence showed you.

Your mom had thousands upon thousands of questions about your day at the new summer job, of course. When you explained you're not an undercover detective but an actual secretary, she seemed to be a bit disappointed but still listened to everything you had to say. Dad, on the other hand, didn't pry too much - he simply wondered about if you were doing fine in there and if anyone was giving you trouble. When you told him you were OK, he just patted your shoulder gently and gave you a smile, making you promise to tell him if any of the policemen would be stepping over the boundaries with you. For the sake of not causing drama, you've kept the whole Melissa incident under wraps.

As per usual, you've all gathered in the living room for the evening to watch your recorded Cheers episode - you and Aiden actually stayed up for a bit too long, quoting your favorite characters and laughing while doing so. The two of you spent most of your time arguing about petty bullshit, yes, but you also knew how to enjoy your time together. The morning after, however, was rough - it wasn't even about waking up early, really. Your mind was too occupied with the fact that Flo had already left for her vacation in Montana and that morning was the first official one you were Hawkins' PD new secretary. If the whole two months will go by just like the first day did, you presumed you'd somehow manage... But what if something goes horribly wrong? At that, you stopped with a toothbrush in your mouth and furrowed back at your reflection - this was Hawkins, Indiana. Nothing ever happened in Hawkins.

Well, let's say you called it. The morning went by okay - you biked to the PD building and first thing, you went to buy some doughnuts for the boys, as Flo called them. Then you hopped onto brewing coffee and tea, starting with the paperwork in the meantime. You've plucked one of your tapes into the radio, dancing around to a collection of pop and Jim Croce - Croce might've seen like an odd pick for someone your age, but your grandpa loved Croce's music dearly. Ever since he passed, both you and Aiden found both great relief and great appreciation for the music when Paps passed his old records and tapes to the two of you. The Romantics, however, were your favorites and it showed - you sang all the lyrics by heart as if your life depended on it.

After you checked off everything that was classified as your 'morning routine', you sat down to listen to messages on the recording machine while sipping on some coffee yourself, making sure each call's subject and most pivotal information was written down in the paper correctly. Mr. Henderson's gnomes were still nowhere to be found, but he sure as hell didn't have to be that rude in the message, did he, now? Everything seemed to be going just fine, or so it seemed - the boy actually appreciated that you let them play your tape throughout the day; Callahan even noted that music always makes time pass by faster. It was a loop of thirty songs, sure, but you've sung the Romantics religiously each time they came on - this fact amused Powell, he found it nice. It was around ten in the morning, Hopper still nowhere in sight, when a very strange ran into the door.

The first thing you noticed was his rather inappropriate jean shorts - this tiny piece of clothing revealed way more than it covered and you clearly didn't know how to feel about this fashion decision. Especially when paired with a tank top and flashy anorak. As you looked into his face, the sight didn't get much better, really He was bald, but he wasn't bald either - he had this mullet of curly brown locks going on. As Aiden would say, he had absolutely no business in the front and too much party in the back. His glasses and ghostly expression weren't helping much.

"Where is he?" - The man gawked at you, making you panic. All the policemen were clearly unbothered by him and as soon as they determined who the loco was, none of them paid any attention anymore. However, you didn't have the experience and it was your first official day - his intense panic made you panic too. "Where's who, sir? Who are you talking about? How-how can I help you?" "Who do you think I'm talking about?" - The man reiterated with irony, leaning his palms on your desk, leaning closer to you. - "James fucking Hopper. Jim, Jimmy, Hop, baby boy, I really don't know what you call him, but I'd like a word with the Chief."

After he spat all the names for Hopper right in your face, the panic was switched for intense confusion as you sat in front of the stranger with the notepad in your hands, your mouth hanging open. You were unable to form a single word, trying to determine if the stranger was fucking with you or not. It took you a good minute to clear your throat and sit up, looking at the man with a serious expression. "The Chief is currently unavailable, he's out... In the terrain. However, if you'd like to leave a message for him, I'd gladly relay the intel to him. How about we start with your name, Mr..." - With a small smile, you put the notepad down and looked him in the eyes. You could tell that the stranger knew. He knew Hopper was not out and about, but he decided not to comment on it. "Well, tell James that Murray stopped by. Tell him to call as soon as he gets back because I have some hot news about the Russians - he'll know what I'm talking about. I'll give you a piece of advice, young lady - leave the city before it's too late, you hear me? We don't know who we can trust and who's a commie spy. Keep that in your in your mind. I gotta go before they catch up on the fact that I'm telling our police all their little secrets." - And just like he came in, Murray was gone in an instant. You were staring at the spot where his mullet was, unable to form a word once again.

Whoever Murray was, he gave you food for thought. You were sitting around until Hopper came, trying to figure out if there was anything true about what he said. Who the fuck was this Murray guy? Was Hawkins in some kind of danger? Was it under the control of the Soviets? Should you be worried and listen to his advice? Were any of you in actual danger? You did as you promised, writing everything down to the down, waiting for Hopper to come in. As soon as he swung the door open, you were hot on his ass, following him around the office like a lost puppy.

"Mmmm... Chief, do you have a minute?" - You mumbled frantically, holding the notepad close to your chest. Hopper tried his best to ignore you, going about his usual morning routine - snatch as many doughnuts as he could carry, snatch the coffee, and disappear in his office without talking to anyone until absolutely necessary. On top of that, he looked very funky - his hat was put on sideways, his uniform was half unbuttoned, and he was holding the doughnut box in one arm, preparing the kettle and an unlit cigarette in the other. His face looked even worse than the day before. - "Chief, excuse me - are you listening?" Hopper didn't answer, he didn't even look at you or grunt your way. The policemen seemed to watch the situation unravel with interest, yet no one said anything. The last thing Hopper managed to do before you demanded his attention was lighting up a cigarette while looking out of the window. As he turned around, he was faced with you - you stood in front of him with your hands on your hips, furrowing at him with your nostrils widened. Letting out a long huff, he stopped in his tracks. - "Chief, I beg you, can I talk to you for a minute?" "Alrite, Miranda, take a deep breath. You're new here and I get it." - Hopper growled out, closing his eyes immediately as if his own voice giving him a headache - "However, you need to remember that mornings are for coffee and contemplation, okay? It's my special time. Remember that and don't talk to me until I give you a hint that I'm ready, alrite?"

At yet another name Hopper figured out for you, you pressed your together and played with the thought of telling that you are not a fucking Miranda nor Melissa, but you stiffened as Hopper seemed to be searching through his pocket for something. The cigarette almost fell of his lips as his movements got frantic and his eyes started to widen. - "Fuck... Fuck, fuck, fuck... Fuck!" "I'll just spill it, then. A man was searching for you, he was telling me about the Russians and their plan of operation in Hawkins. He asked me to ask you to call him because it's urgent." - You read out fast, in case he'd stop paying attention altogether. Your statement along with the realization that he was missing something obviously made him even grumpier than before; so much so that he took in a long breath, turning his head to Callahan sitting at his table. "Oh, don't you say? That's simply wonderful." - Hopper spat at you furiously, waving at Cowell to come join your little conclave in the middle of the police department. - "Moira here is saying that a man was talkin' about the Russians. Does that sound familiar?" "Chief..." - Powell let out silently, wordlessly begging Hopper not to go off on him. Of course, Powell was well aware of who Murray Bauman was, the whole office knew the wackjob, in fact. They thought of it as a harmless joke, nothing else - they didn't realize you'd eat everything Bauman had "disclosed" to you. Now, they were all in trouble for leaving you in the dark and Powell had to deal with the consequences as well as with Hopper's bad temper and even worse mood.

"Just Bauman bringing his monthly update about the "Russians", chief." - Powell explained silently, making sure to perform quotation signs at the word Russians. - "Y/N, listen, he's not dangerous and we didn't know he'd drag you into his whole Soviet mumbo-jumbo on your very first day. Honestly, we thought he was telling you about the UFO sightings or whatever; we hoped you'd realize he's a nutjob, I'm very sorry." "Oh, so when he talked about the Russians..." - You asked carefully, feeling relief filling out your chest. It was just a joke between colleagues, you assumed, letting out a long sigh along with a quiet giggle. "There are no Russians in Hawkins, really. You don't have to be alarmed, Murray just does stuff like this from time to time." "Geez, you guys gave me a proper fright." - Both of you started laughing quietly. Were you seriously freaking out about the Soviets just an hour ago? As you told yourself - this was fucking Hawkins, Indiana. No way in hell something would go down here, right? The Russians, for fuck's sake.

It was at that moment when you could see a bright orange tube flashing between Hopper's fingers - he seemingly found the thing he was frantically searching for. To his displeasure, the tube was also completely empty. Hopper's on pills, you noted. "Glad this is dealt with, then. I'm not losin' any of my damn time over Murray Bauman, kiddo, note that. Also, would you have a moment?" - The Chief asked, not waiting for your response - he walked right into his office, seemingly assuming you'd follow him. With hesitation, you did.

You walked in slowly, stopping on the doorstep when you couldn't decide whether to enter the room or not. It was a pretty spacey office which almost gave you a humble and welcoming impression - that was until you realized who was its occupant. Hopper put the kettle down next to his mug, took a bite of a doughnut, puffed out some cigarette smoke, and then started writing something down on a piece of paper lying around his desk. You took the time to inspect the office in broad daylight - last time you were in there, you were high as a kite - right after the incident. The main center of the room was filled with an enormous, sturdy wooden desk with at least a dozen small shelves and various drawers. Next to it, there was a diagonally oriented one containing a typewriter - the same one you had on your desk. To Hopper's left hand, there was a bookshelf filled to the brim with various collections of laws, newest decrees, and possibly casefiles, you weren't really sure. To his right, there was a pretty enormous plushy sofa. Opposite his desk, there was a wooden chair for incoming people. The view out of the window was pretty neat, you had to admit. Your small exploration was disrupted by Hopper - he turned back to you, giving you the small piece of paper he was hastily writing on just seconds ago.

"Take this to the pharmacy opposite Melwalds, Mrs. Sinclair will surely know what I need. Tell her that Flo's not in town and that you're her substitute, she'll know what to do." - Hopper mumbled, not looking at you for longer than he needed to. As soon as he finished his little speech, he walked around the desk to put out the cig in his ashtray, sitting down to go over the news, presumably. For a second, you stared at him with disbelief. Did Hopper think you were his little man for everything? Did he really tell you to pick up his pulls as if it wasn't a big deal? The man seriously asked you to buy his pills, sweet baby Jesus. As you walked to your desk to fetch your backpack, anyone asked you what Hopper wanted from you - the little note in your hand said everything. Hopper and his insomnia pills, that was a neverending story.

Walking into the pharmacy was unenjoyable, to say the least - at the same time, though, this recipe was waking up an unexpected interest inside you. This small note was telling you a whole lot about Hopper - he was lazy and didn't really care about who'll snoop around in his business, or he assumed you just wouldn't care and took it as a sign of grace since he let you out of the building for half an hour. This assumption combined with the way Mrs. Sinclair looked at the note, at you, and she sighed, you could assume he's sending Flo out a lot. Which meant he had serious addiction issues, not just some pill problem. Hopper was an ideal subject for your next paper if anything, really. This filled you with another wave of unexpected interest. "... And tell the old man that if ain't planning on picking up his medication on his own, I won't send him any - will you do that for me, honey?" "Sure thing, Mrs. Sinclair. But... The Chief also asked me about the prescription? He told me he doesn't remember it." - You sighed, pretending to be annoyed with the man, but this couldn't be further from the truth. "After four years of buying them from me?" - Mrs. Sinclair asked, seemingly unphased. At first, you thought you were busted - then, she shook her head and started writing on the back of the note you initially brought her, shaking her head. - "That sure does like our Chief of police. One pill before going two, in the worst case two, but the recommended dose is one per day. Tell him he can't mix it with alcohol under any circumstances, okay? And he shouldn't drink a lot of caffeine either when taking these." - Mrs. Sinclair explained with a sweet smile, writing some medical mumbo-jumbo on the note before giving it back to you. With that, you left the pharmacy while waving at her. As soon as you turned the corner, you opened up the paper bag to look at what pills she packed for Hopper - there were two orange tubes of small, blue pills. According to the label, the name was Tuinal. So, Hopper is addicted to Tuinal, you noted and before you knew it, you were crossing the central square to visit the local library. You were curious about what Tuinal even was and the library will surely have the books you were looking for - it always did. You've heard about it, yeah, but you weren't entirely sure.

As you ensured your bike was locked to the railing, an unpleasant feeling overtook you. Marissa, you realized as you looked at the librarian, he would for sure also call you Marissa, too. That was her name. On the other name, he also called you Melissa, Moira, and Miranda, so it probably wasn't that deep. She, however, reminded you of Hopper as soon as you looked at her - she was, according to the rumors, the latest subject of his lust. Also, she was probably the reason behind Hopper looking like a piece of shit. "Good afternoon..." - The greeting didn't come across as heartfelt, and your smile was also a bit stiff, but you couldn't do much about that. Marissa looked up to you with a poker face - you almost shat yourself because of how scary she came across as. Could Hopper be submissive when it came to his sexual life, you wondered. And could it be connected to his trauma? Jesus, you had to start a file as soon as you get back to the station, you noted - you had a lot of thoughts and if you don't write it down, you'll forget half of them, at least. - "I was wondering if you'd have some books regarding drugs and pills, or any chemistry studies connected to this subject, really... To explain, I'm working on an extra uni work and it's concerning the study of drug influence on one's physical health, I don't wanna bore you..." "Wait a minute, I know you, don't I?" - Marissa asked under her breath, lowering her glasses to take a good look at you, clearly ignoring your question. - "Oh, you're the one who puked on Jim's car, am I right? He couldn't shut up about it, found it really hilarious."

Then, Marissa proceeded to lead you through the library while going off on nonsense - presumably, she was telling you some sort of a story to which you didn't bother to pay attention. Her connection to the Chief was undeniable, sure - but were they actually fucking? Also, you thought about telling her that the fact that you vomited on his Blazer had fucking nothing to do with your supposed college homework therefore she didn't have to bring it up, but you didn't allude to the topic either. "Anyway, here you go, this should be what you asked for. Does... Jim know you're here? He hasn't called me since last week so I wondered if you maybe have some message for me?" - Marissa asked silently, making you look at her with full-on cluelessness in your expression. Why the fuck was the librarian asking about Hopper - why the fuck was she asking you, of all people? Her question threw you off the rails, to say the least, and disgusted you to say it all.

"Unfortunately, that's gonna be a no, misses. I'm here in my own free time to find the sources for my paper and came during my lunch break - I'm not running errands for the Chief." - The explanation might've come across a bit too sharp, but you didn't give a shit. You had no interest in being connected to any of Hopper's flings. "Ah." - Marissa sighed, clearly disappointed. The redness on her face hinted at how awkward she felt, but to be honest, it was her fault to start with. "I'm looking for something on Tuinal, to be precise. Is there anything you'd recommend?" - Now, you pretended as if nothing happened, squatting in front of the shelf and started going through the titles, whispering the words to yourself. With the corner of your eye, you could see Marissa furrowing at you but decided to pick out a brand new book about modern drugs for you. Great. She actually landed more of them for you, having you leave the library with five thick books in your arms. After making you sign the borrowing list or whatever it was, it was time for you to quickly head back to the station.

The moment you entered the station, you knew you were in deep shit. By the sounds of it, Hopper had a rather unpleasant call on hand - mumbling various profanities to the person on the other hand, smoking, trying to catch his breath. As soon as he saw you standing in the doorframe, he put the phone down with a lot of force, basically tearing the paper bag out of your palm. Cool, you nodded to yourself as you watched him pop in a few pills, finishing it off with a gulp of coffee. "What took you so long, Marissa?" - Hopper growled in your direction, starting to calm down. Along with the prescribed effect, Tuinal also seemed to have placebo effects on the man. Another interesting observation, you noted. "There was a long queue at the pharmacy, Chied, sorry for that. Seems like people are shopping for meds before going on vacations." - You answered, accompanying the lie with a convincing sweet smile. Just as you were about to close the door, you could hear a silent "Miranda", which meant Hopper wanted to talk about something. With a hum, you turned back to him. "You don't have to worry about Bauman anymore, just dealt with his current Soviet mumbo-jumbo." - Hopper informed you, dismissing you right after. So this was whom he was yelling at and all of that just because Bauman made you worry about safety and annoyed you at work. You didn't know what to say, so you just nodded and smiled, finally leaving him alone.

As soon as you sat behind your desk, you pulled out a pen and a paper, frantically writing your thoughts down. When you were finished, you wrote a big H in the corner, doing through what you've just written down. It was just a list of bullet points, not much, but it was a start:

Is definitely sleeping around (for evidence, ask the librarian)

Addicted to Tuinal (What is Tuinal? A drug? Mrs. Sinclair said it's 'medication'? - research needed!) 

Is addicted to nicotine

Presumably doesn't have any sleeping schedule?

Is he dealing with trauma?

Who is he?

There was a lot to discover about Hopper. In all honesty, you were probably too excited about that - this little project, however, could help you deal with the next two months at Hawking PD much faster.

[dinosaurtsukki]

haikyuu!! characters and their fave musicals

pretty much an hc’s for funsies type of thing. which characters are absolute nerds for musicals and which ones couldn’t care less? i know not everyone likes musicals but if this is your thing, feel free to read! 

Hinata: he’s one of those people who watched Shrek the Musical unironically and ended up getting really hooked on it but no way is he going to tell anyone

Kageyama: thinks that the Shrek trilogy are counted as movie musicals because ‘the characters sing and everything’. will fall asleep in a theatre so don’t bring him you’ll be disappointed

Tsukishima: loves Avenue Q and The Producers because the humor is right up his alley. also has tASTE and his fave is probs something like Hadestown because it is the best musical. loves to break down the lyrics and listens to an album non-stop when he’s obsessed

Yamaguchi: he tried to watch Grease but ended up throwing popcorn at the tv-screen because of the blatant sexism. yams is not About That. gets his recommendations from Tsukki and has never looked back

Tanaka: likes anything with awesome choreography and really cool special-effects like Hamilton or Be More Chill. when you ask him about the story though he’s like ???

Noya: doesn’t get the concept of musicals. ‘she’s singing about the guy but he’s right there??? doesn’t he hear everything????’ ‘WHY ARE THEY SINGING JUST FIGHT ALREADY’

Ennoshita: also has Taste. watches pretty much anything and loves to keep track of new productions and new casting. if you ask him about his favorite musical he’ll probably specifically mention the cast and where it was performed

Asahi: y’all are gonna hate me y’all are gonna hate me but JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR haha jk. one hundred percent a Dear Evan Hansen kinda guy because he relates to the main guy’s personality. has waving through a window on repeat

Sugawara: LOVES the classics: Les Miserables, Phantom of the Opera, Miss Saigon. knows every song and movement by heart. sings them everywhere. would not listen to anything else. also Moulin Rouge because he’s one Classy Bitch

Daichi: appreciates any good musical recommended to him but the kind of person who presses ‘shuffle’ when listening to the recording and all the fans around him die inside. does this more than once just for that reaction

Kiyoko: loves anything with awesome female roles, particularly Legally Blonde and Six the Musical. raises an eyebrow at you if you say you like Grease and you land on her list of people she would barely talk to

 Yachi: practically raised on disney movie musicals. loves to watch and re-watch videos from Broadway Princess Party a lot. is basically a disney princess herself and loves to put some songs on when she cleans the house. 

Kuroo: one of those people who got really into Hamilton back in the day. would sing the vocals, the back-up vocals, the chorus parts, and hum the intros. says he’s a musical fan but that’s the only one he’s watched/listened to.

Kenma: someone recommended Be More Chill to him (probably tsukki) and he ended up actually liking it. once in a while you’ll hear him humming ‘christiiiiIIiine’ under his breath. likes to listen to michael in the bathroom at 2 am

Yaku:  hates musicals ever since Nekoma had a movie night and then decided to watch Lion King and lev dead-ass lifted him up over his head like what rafiki did to simba in That Scene. 

Lev: another one who likes disney musicals but like, the basic ones (frozen, tangled, beauty and the beast). mostly because they’re his sister’s favorites tho. has more than once did the whole ‘do you want to build a snowman’ thing with alisa and probably his teammates

Oikawa: thinks that liking Heathers makes him edgy it doesn’t. practically paid hanamaki and matsukawa to sing Candy Store with him and using iwa as veronica. absolutely vibes to the Mean Girls musical

Iwaizumi: a hard High School Musical stan, now and forever. thinks that Ryan and Chad are definitely gay. one time oikawa was giving them a pep talk and said ‘what team?’ and iwa yelled ‘WILDCATS’ and then everybody looked at him because they KNEW they KNEW HE NEVER GOT OVER THAT PHASE-- 

Matsukawa: Cats. The Movie.* wrote a long-ass thread on twitter about why the female cats should be given six boob and tagged Tom Hooper. was blocked.

Hanamaki: *see above. probably had his sexual awakening when he saw Idris Elba as a sexy cat. there’s nothing gendered about a sexy cat

Kyoutani: likes the leather jacket aesthetic in Grease. looked up the lyrics to ‘Greased Lightning’ once and shut off his laptop when he saw the innuendos. may have tried to replicate the choreography at one point but fell off a table

Yahaba: a romantic at heart. has a copy of the West Side Story DvD and loves to sing ‘Maria’ and ‘One Hand, One Heart.’ he and Oikawa love to duet ‘I Feel Pretty.’ also tried to copy the choreography and sUCCEEDED

Ushijima: you’ve taken him to see an array of musicals, from the much-loved classics to the inventive modern musicals. every time, you glance at him hoping for any reaction. he always leaves the theater saying ‘it was good.’ only one musical has managed to make him crack a smile: The Muppets (the movie ver.)

Tendou: another boy with Quality Taste. is a hardcore stan of any musical by Team Starkid (also loves that they’re all on Youtube). makes so many references to them but nobody else understands. will yell ‘TIGERFUCKER TIGERFUCKER’ out of the blue

Shirabu: thinks that La La Land is Peak Taste. got angry when tendou showed him a video of ryan gosling scenes in the movie but it’s all replaced by barry, the bee from Bee Movie. now La La Land is ruined because he keeps on remembering ‘you like jazz?’ in barry’s voice 

Semi: tells you that he just doesn’t watch musicals but he secretly had such a Les Miz phase. writes enjolras x reader fanfics and his longest one was 200k words. if he hears anything that vaguely sounds like ‘do you hear the people sing’, a tear will fall out of the corner of his eye

Goshiki: was looking for slime tutorials one and stumbled on ‘not hamilton just a 2 hr slime tutorial’ y’all kno what i’m talking about and watched the whole thing. was disappointed that there weren’t any slimes but is now into hamilton

Akaashi: knows and understands the peak performance quality and biblical philosophy of Jesus Christ Superstar. doesn’t tell anyone about it though because they all assume its all church music. ‘it’s not’, he sobs. ‘it’s more.’

Bokuto: akaashi recommended Jesus Christ Superstar to him and he watched it, thinking that he’d see jesus playing an electric guitar. he was very disappointed and sulked about it for a week. LOVES disney musicals though

Atsumu: was one of those kids who would look up the Harry Potter Puppet Pals videos on youtube and stumbled in to A Very Potter Musical. ever since jk rowling’s snake side came out he began accepting that fan musical as canon. likes to piss rowling off by posting screenshots of the musical and saying its from the movie

Osamu: the Disney fan but with Quality Taste. loves Hunchback of Notre Dame, Princess and the Frog, Prince of Egypt, and Anastasia (the last two aren’t disney but animated musicals). cries at the sound of Phil Collins’ sultry voice. 

Kita: is in love with Phantom of the Opera because his grandmother loves listening to it. he’d sing THE ENTIRE SOUNDTRACK pretty much every day until his teammates catch him singing in the locker rooms while they were changing AND NAILING ALL OF CHRISTINE’S HIGH NOTES LIKE ITS NOTHING

Terushima: doesn’t like musicals so his friend recommended that he watch The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals by Team Starkid because of the crackhead humor. watched Robert Manion perform and ending up going on google and searching ‘does watching men move their hips real nice make me bi?’

Koganegawa:  y’all are gonna be surprised but this one’s a hardcore Wicked fan. has watched all of the different castings of it. he loves to imitate Elphaba’s iconic ‘FIEEEEROOOOOOO’ line in the showers and records it, just to see if he’s close to how it sounds onstage. has Idina Menzel’s autograph

Futakuchi: bitch does nothing but roast everyone else’s musical tastes. hamilton? ‘wow, mainstream much?’ dear evan hansen? ‘psshh, basic.’ be more chill? ‘think you’re edgy or something?’ the greatest show? ‘what are you? five?’ his favorite musical is actually Cats

[cruzandouniversos]

It x stranger things

This is a short one what about Richie as the brother of Karen Wheeler that comes to visit with his romate that sufers for an old injury (Eddie live obiusly)

 Imagine trashmouth tozier has uncle richie that weir adult that dosnt censure himself in front of them, that weirdly knows a lot about radio (he is a secret genius that simply prefered comedy to science, math or something like that)and when mike was litle troued hands whith a clown (they already dealt with pennyise this was just a clown) and that for since mike or nancy can remember  is always acompanied be this chiuahua of a man that he is always fighting with but is offended if anyone else does the same.

Imagine the interactions betwen this group of children and this grown ass men that never complety growned, and that are always saying criptic or weir things like:

   - remember the turtle

   - this makes me remember when we had to clean all the blood of beverly bathroom

   - (talking on the phone) please tell me that mike didnt drug you again

   -(to hooper) so when is the wedding loverboy, belive me you dont want to wait the 28 years that my friend Ben had to wait

   -seing this children love live makes me feel sorry for stan 

   - i dont know if that Will child is like us or stan

   - stop worring karen is not like you live in derry2.0

   - OH SHIT!!!!!THIS IS DERRY2.0!!!!!

  They are just two weird dudes who are surprisinly taking everithing the upside down had to offer like is nothing new.

Now just picture in your mind everione in the wheelers house seeing photos of when Richie and Karen were litle and noticion two things first that eddie is in at least halfo of richie photos and two that mike looks exactly like his uncle at his age and the look of horror in mikes face when he notice that he might just be seing himself in the future every time he look at this disaster of a man and the reaction of the party after founding this.  Everione is like: 

the party : are you sure El that you are gonna risk it seing that mike could end up like that 

(cut to richie using a hawaian shirt over a horrendous plain shirt using dirty pants, sandals whit socks, a big pair of glasses and  eye bags that go for days)

Richie: LOOK EDDIE A TREE AS BIG AS MY DICK!!!!!

Eddie(in the distance): BEEP BEEP RICHIE, FOR CHRIST SAKE THERES A GROUP OF FUCKING CHILDREN PRESENT!!!!!

[therearemonsterseugene]

The Movies I Watched -- 2017

Here’s an inelegant list of the movies I watched this year:

1. Joe Kidd (1972) -- John Sturges (US) 2. Friday the 13th (1980) -- Sean Cunningham (US) -- in theater, 35mm, rewatch 3. Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981) -- Steve Miner (US) -- in theater, 35mm, rewatch 4. Jurassic Park (1993) -- Stephen Spielberg (US) -- rewatch 5. Horns (2013) -- Alexandre Aja (US/Can) 6. A Fantastic Fear of Everything (2012) -- Crispian Mills, Chris Hopewell (UK) 7. Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953) -- Howard Hawks (US) 8. The Court Jester (1956) -- Melvin Frank, Norman Panama (US) -- rewatch 9. The Wailing (2016) -- Na Hong-jin (S. Kor) 10. Amazon Women on the Moon (1987) -- John Landis, Joe Dante, Carl Gottlieb, Peter Horton, Robert K. Weiss (US) 11. A Wedding (1978) -- Robert Altman (US) 12. A Brief History of Time (1991) -- Errol Morris (UK/US/Japan) 13. Frank (2014) -- Lenny Abrahamson (UK/Ire/US) 14. The Housemaid (2010) -- Im Sang-soo (S. Kor) 15. Barking Dogs Never Bite (2000) -- Bong Joon-ho (S. Kor) 16. Assassination (2015) -- Choi Dong-hoon (S. Kor) 17. The Nice Guys (2016) -- Shane Black (US) 18. A Single Shot (2013) -- David M. Rosenthal (US) 19. I Am Not Your Negro (2016) -- Raoul Peck (US) -- in theater 20. Lost in America (1985) -- Albert Brooks (US) 21. Tokyo Twilight (1957) -- Yasujiro Ozu (Japan) 22. Vernon, Florida (1982) -- Errol Morris (US) 23. I Don't Feel At Home In This World Anymore (2017) -- Macon Blair (US) 24. Get Out (2017) -- Jordan Peele (US) -- in theater 25. 44 Inch Chest (2009) -- Malcolm Venville (UK) 26 To Be Or Not To Be (1942) -- Ernst Lubitsch (US) -- in theater, 35mm 27. Passion (2012) -- Brian de Palma (Fr/Ger) 28. Never Let Go (1960) -- John Guillerman (UK) 29. Ghostbusters (1984) -- Ivan Reitman (US) -- in theater, 70mm, rewatch 30. Grand Slam (1967) -- Giuliano Montaldo (It/Sp/Ger) 31. The 'Burbs (1989) -- Joe Dante (US) -- in theater, 35mm, rewatch 32. The Void (2017) -- Jeremy Gillespie, Steven Kostanki (Can) -- in theater 33. Whiplash (2014) -- Damien Chazelle (US) 34. Mazes and Monsters (1982) -- Steve Hilliard Stern (US) 35. Colossal (2016) -- Nacho Vigolando (Can/Sp) -- in theater 36. Skins (2017) -- Eduardo Casanova (Sp) 37. Good Morning (1959) -- Yasujiro Ozu (Japan) 38. God Help the Girl (2014) -- Stuart Murdoch (UK) 39. Empire of Passion (1978) -- Nagisa Oshima (Japan/Fr) 40. Fast and Furious (2009) -- Justin Lin (US) 41. The Daytrippers (1996) -- Greg Mottola (US/Can) 42. Alien: Covenant (2017) -- Ridley Scott (US) -- in theater 43. The Sweet Hereafter (1997) -- Atom Egoyan (Can) 44. A Dangerous Method (2011) -- David Cronenberg (Various) 45. Train to Busan (2016) -- Yeoh Sang-ho (S. Kor) 46. It Comes At Night (2017) -- Trey Edward Shults (US) -- in theater 47. Le Mans (1971) -- Lee H. Katzin (US) 48. Cabaret (1972) -- Bob Fosse (US) 49. Finding Dory (2016) -- Andrew Stanton, Angus MacLane (US) 50. The Four MusketeersK Milady's Revenge (1974) -- Richard Lester (Sp/Pan) 51. Girlfriend's Day (2017) -- Michael Stephenson (US) 52. The Bad Batch (2016) -- Ana Lily Amirpour (US) -- in theater 53. Sweet Smell of Success (1957) -- Alexander Mackendrick (US) 54. Okja (2017) -- Bong Joon-ho (S. Kor/US) 55. One Million Years B.C. (1966) -- Don Chaffrey (UK) 56. Mascots (2016) -- Christopher Guest (US) 57. Amarcord (1973) -- Frederico Fellini (It) 58. Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983) -- John Landis, Steven Spielberg, Joe Dante, George Miller (US) -- in theater, 35mm, rewatch 59. Moana (2016) -- Ron Clements, Don Hall, John Musker, Chris Williams (US) 60. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984) -- Stephen Spielberg (US) -- in theater, 35mm, rewatch 61. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989) -- Stephen Spielberg (US) -- in theater, 35mm, rewatch 62. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) -- Stephen Spielberg (US) -- in theater, 35mm, rewatch 63. Things to Come (1936) -- William Cameron Menzies (UK) 64. Moana (2016) -- Ron Clements, Don Hall, John Musker, Chris Williams (US) -- rewatch 65. Baby Driver (2017) -- Edgar Wright (US/UK) -- in theater 66. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (2014) -- Matt Reeves (US) 67. Circus of Fear (1966) -- John Llewellyn Moxey (UK/Ger) 68. Win Win (2011) -- Tom McCarthy (US) 69. Tough Guys Don't Dance (1987) -- Norman Mailer (US) 70. Her (2013) -- Spike Jonze (US) 71. Dunkirk (2017) -- Christopher Nolan (various) -- in theater, 70mm 72. The Shallows (2016) -- Jaume Collet-Serra (US) 73. The Sea Hawk (1940) -- Michael Curtiz (US) 74. 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (1954) -- Richard Fleischer (US) 75. The Mayor of Hell (1933) -- Archie Mayo, Michael Curtiz (US) 76. Terrifying Girls' High School: Lynch Law Classroom (1973) -- Noribumi Suzuki (Japan) 77. l'Atalante (1934) -- Jean Vigo (Fr) 78. GLOW: The Story of the Glorious Ladies of Wrestling (2012) -- Brett Whitcomb (US) 79. The Killing (1956) -- Stanley Kubrick (US) -- in theater, 35mm, rewatch 80. The Friends of Eddie Coyle (1973) -- Peter Yates (US) 81. The Neon Demon (2016) -- Nicolas Winding Refn (Various) 82. The Iron Rose (1973) -- Jean Rollin (Fr) -- in theater, rewatch 83. In Like Flint (1967) -- Gordon Douglas (US) 84. Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy (2011) -- Tomas Alfredson (Various) 85. Kill Me Three Times (2014) -- Kriv Stenders (US/Aus) 86. The Man With One Red Shoe (1985) -- Stan Dragoti (US) 87. The Age of Shadows (2016) -- The Age of Shadows (S. Kor) 88. Adam's Rib (1949) -- George Cukor (US) 89. Happiness (1998) -- Todd Solondz (US) 90. Kong: Skull Island (2017) -- Jordan Vogt-Roberts (US) 91. Resolution (2012) -- Justin Benson, Aaron Scott Moorhead (US) 92. The WIndmill (2016) -- Nick Jongerius (Netherlands) 93. The Black Belly of the Tarantula (1971) -- Paolo Cavara (It/Fr) 94. Fiend Without a Face (1958) -- Arthur Crabtree (US) 95. Versus (2000) -- Ryuhei Kitamura (Japan) 96. Little Deaths (2011) -- Sean Hogan, Andrew Parkinson, Simon Rumley (UK) 97. Village of the Damned (1960) -- Wolf Rilla (UK) 98. Children of the Damned (1964) -- Anton M. Leader (UK) 99. The Vampire Bat (1933) -- Frank Strayer (US) 100. Hush (2016) -- Mike Flanagan (US) 101. Extraordinary Tales (2013) -- Raul Garcia (Various) 102. The Boogens (1981) -- James L. Conway (US) 103. The Black Room (1935) -- R. William Neill (US) 104. The Man They Could Not Hang (1939) -- Nick Grinde (US) 105. The Thing (1982) -- John Carpenter (US) -- in theater, 70mm, rewatch 106. The She Beast (1966) -- Mike Reeves (UK/It) 107. Idle Hands (1999) -- Rodman Flendor 108. Knights of Badassdom (2013) -- Joe Lynch (US) 109. Requiem for a Vampire (1971) -- Jean Rollin (Fr) 110. Beyond the Gates (2016) -- Jackson Stewart (US) 110. Society (1989) -- Bryan Yuzna (US) 111. Full Moon of the Virgins (1973) -- Luigi Batzella (It) 112. Eddie: The Sleepwalking Cannibal (2012) -- Boris Rodriquez (Can/Den) 113. Christmas Evil (1980) -- Lewis Jackson (US) 114. A Lizard in a Woman's Skin (1971) -- Lucio Fulci (Various) 115. Little Evil (2017) -- Eil Craig (US) 116. Stagefright (1987) -- Michael Soavi (It) 117. Day of the Animals (1977) -- William Girdler (US) 118. The Leopard Man (1943) -- Jacques Tourneur (US) -- in theater, 35mm, rewatch 119. The Legend of Boggy Creek (1972) -- Charles B. Pierce (US) 120. Pacific Heights (1990) -- John Schlesinger (US) 121. Sleep Tight (2011) -- Jaume Baluguero (Sp) 122. Pigs (1973) -- Marc Lawrence (US) 123. Salem's Lot (1979) -- Tobe Hooper (US) 124. Black Cobra Woman (1976) -- Joe D'Amato (It) 125. Sinister (2012) -- Scott Derrickson (US) 126. Madman (1981) -- Joe Giannone (US) 127. The Woman in Black (2012) -- James Watkins (Var) 128. Burnt Offerings (1976) -- Dan Curtis (US/It) 129. Cold Prey (2006) - Roar Uthaug (Nor) 130. Shocker (1989) -- Wes Craven (US) 131. X the Unknown (1956) -- Leslie Norman (UK) 132. Design for Living (1933) -- Ernst Lubitsch (US) 133. Peter Ibbetson (1935) -- Henry Hathaway (US) 134. Ultraviolet (2006) -- Kurt Wimmer (US) 135. Love Crazy (1941) -- Jack Conway (US) 136. Cinderfella (1960) -- Frank Tashlin (US) 137. Wacko (1982) -- Greydon Clark (US) 138. Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (2017) -- Martin McDonagh (US/UK) -- in theater 139. The Firemen's Ball (1967) -- Milos Forman (Cz) 140. Village of the Damned (1995) --- John Carpenter (US) 141. Funeral Home (1980) -- William Fruet (Can) 142. Quiz Show (1994) -- Robert Redford (US) 143. Black Christmas (1974) -- Bob Clark (US/Can) -- rewatch 144. Cast a Deadly Spell (1991) -- Martin Campbell (US) 145. The Incubus (1982) -- John Hough (US) 146. Blackboard Jungle (1955) -- Richard Brooks (US) 147. Kong: Skull Island (2017) -- Jordan Vogt-Roberts (US) -- rewatch 148. Phone Booth (2002) -- Joel Schumacher (US) 149. How to Steal a Million (1966) -- William Wyler (US) 150. The Shape of Water (2017) -- Guillermo del Toro (US/Can) -- in theater 151. Volunteers (1985) -- Nicholas Meyer (US) 152. The Blackcoat's Daughter (2017) -- Osgood Perkins (US/Can) 153. I Love You, Alice B. Toklas (1968) -- Hy Averback (US) 154. Adventures in Babysitting (1987) -- Christ Columbus (US) 155. Fascination (1979) -- Jean Rollin (Fr) -- in theater 156. The Trouble With Spies (1987) -- Burt Kennedy (US) 157. The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992) -- Brian Henson (US) -- rewatch 158. The Undertaker (1988) -- Franco Steffanino (US) 159. Witchcraft (1964) -- Don Sharp (UK) 160. Beetlejuice (1988) -- Tim Burton (US) -- rewatch 161. Zero Dark Thirty (2012) -- Kathryn Bigelow (US) 162. Raw (2016) -- Julia Ducournau (Fr, Belg, It)

[buckybarneseyes]

Hi

Thought that I should probably formally introduce myself by telling you some things about me so here goes:

(Warning I’m not good at this kind of stuff  I also swear a lot so sorry in advance.)

Hi my name is Victoria and I have Autism. 

My zodiac sign is Virgo. 

I listen to mainly Panic! at the disco, Fall Out Boy, Green Day and Paramore. 

I like to watch Doctor Who, Sherlock, Harry Potter, Criminal Minds, Riverdale, Brooklyn nine nine, Merlin, Supernatural and many, many more.

My all time favourite song would have to be Mr Brightside by The Killers. 

My favourite fictional characters are Rory Williams, Molly Hooper, Luna Lovegood, Sirius Black, Jughead Jones, Bucky Barnes, Bruce Banner, Deadpool, Castiel and Gabriel. (i think that is it I’m not sure i have too many).

I have 2 siblings both of them are older than me.

I have 3 dogs, 3 cats, 2 rats, a bearded dragon, a snake and 4 chickens. (it’s a bit of a full house.)

I’m British

My favourite Actors are Matthew Gray Gubler, Sebastian Stan, Misha Collins, David Tennant and Mark Sheppard.

Stuff I post: Fan Fiction (I try), Fandom stuff and sometimes Quotes.

There are some facts and things about me. 

V x

[jillmckenzie1]

Blue Dime Cabaret

I sometimes feel like the universe wants me to be a lesbian, despite (as far as I can tell, after a great deal of introspection) my straight orientation. Many people, including multiple men I’m actually out on dates with–even literally in bed with! make of that what you will– have asked me if I’m really gay or bi. I have owned big, shaggy dogs. I wear corduroy pants and drive a Subaru Outback. I do not, however, have a side-shave haircut. I recently had a friendly chat with a woman at a networking group who suggested we get a drink at a later date. She was a fun conversant and I agreed, because ladies rock and we should all expand our networks. Our mutual friend texted me the next day with the news that this enjoyable woman had inquired of him if I was single and romantically available. Oh. But then I figured, what the hell? and invited her to attend the Blue Dime Cabaret with me. Maybe I’d discover something unprecedented about myself.

Mostly what I discovered is that women will also stand you up on dates. She cancelled last-minute and I invited my platonic dude friend Chris to come with me instead. He’s deaf in one ear, which means I can talk twice as much before it gets annoying to him. I had to think about inviting a platonic dude friend to attend the Blue Dime Cabaret, a “lowbrow” sex show, in a fetish club. I felt totally cool about it, but had to take a moment to wonder if it would be considered weird by said platonic dude friend. Then I remembered that there’s nothing that dudes (or pretty much anybody) likes more than a good gander at some gorgeous gams and bouncing boobs. I texted, he replied, we met up on a slippery (appropriate!) night at the Dangerous Theatre.

The Dangerous Theatre is tucked away in the warehouse district off of Federal Blvd., a short hop from a ton of Mexican food and directly across from a delicious cidery. I used to perform in a tame improv show at the Dangerous a couple years ago, when I was just starting out in weirdness and thought that the cages and X-frames and baskets of condoms and sani-wipes were just about the strangest and freakiest things I had ever encountered. The venue showcases all kinds of alternative and sex-positive events and entertainment, as well as some really lovely erotic art, displayed gallery-style and up for sale on their walls. Chris, my up-for-it dude friend, met me there and we helped ourselves to herbal ginger tea, because when you’re in such an environment you already have all the stimulus you need. (It’s a BYOB venue–and we didn’t have the foresight to bring anything anyway.) The snack bar donation jar was an option to vote for 2019 improving over 2018. We got seated at a front-row table reserved, with my name on it! I felt particularly buoyed by this because I’ve always thought that Chris was one of the cool kids in the improv scene, and here was my huge chance to impress him with my clout in the media world. So yeah, a guest ticket (street value of $20) and a mug of herbal tea would definitely transform my limited social status into cool-kid gold. I remain certain that Chris was enormously impressed.

I read up a bit on blue dimes as artifacts of numismatology, since I’d never heard of them and I loved the title of the show. Blue dimes are just coins, regular old dimes whose small amount of copper in the alloy has oxidized to give them a blue-ish cast. They can be collected as novelties, and “a collection of novelties” is a pretty good description of the Blue Dime show. Most “underground” cabaret-style shows feature a lot of burlesque, which is a popular and accessible form for audiences to watch and performers to do and the Blue Dime was no exception. It also had circus performers in the vein of a chain-apparatus aerialist and a hooper-contortionist, who was about the cutest human I’ve ever seen. A poet appeared halfway through. There was some truly incomprehensible, if visually interesting, performance art (a live-action Manga character arranges flowers and dances in stripper heels?). It was weird, fun, impressive, puzzling–a lot like a good date can be, even if you’re not on a date, but just attending with a unilaterally deaf buddy.

The show was definitely as-advertised. “Sideshow” is a uniquely American brand of entertainment. It’s weird. It’s a little dingy. There’s not a lot of rhinestones, a la the Moulin Rouge or the Sands. It’s not best viewed in a large venue. In fact, sideshow has a lot in common with another slice of Americana, which is stand-up comedy. The best stuff in both formats is not-too-polished–raw, real, up-close-and-in-your-face. It depends on a connection with the audience and the truthfulness of the performance. When done right, it’s delicious.

So was the Blue Dime an example of cabaret and sideshow “done right”? I’d say yes. It was a swell evening. I enjoyed the performances. The host, in particular, had a charming way about her, reminiscent of Stan Laurel or Art Carney in character as Ed Norton. She fluttered about the stage, making visual examples of her mental processes, consulting notes and correcting herself in real time. It worked as a bit. The stage kittens were cute. The performers could have been a bit more polished in their grooming/makeup/presentation, but then again, that’s not always the motivation for sideshow, particularly one with a decidedly punk/metal angle to it. (This one featured multiple performers who embraced that aesthetic.) The only part of the show where I thought “let’s get this moving, eh?” was a too-long portion in the middle where the founders came out and talked about founding the troupe. I understand the urge to revel in the success of your idea brought to fruition…I really do. But ten minutes of almost-masturbatory self-indulgence is a bit much. We’re here to see the show, not listen to you talk about the show. Even Chris considered this twice as much as necessary, and he only hears half.

After the event, Chris wandered off into the unlit alleys of the warehouse district because he needed to get his FitBit steps in for the day, which is clearly an understandable priority over avoiding serial killers crouched in dingy doorways. I caught a Lyft and considered the Blue Dime. I’d totally go again. They’ve got events coming up in February and are available for other bookings, too. They’ll serve up a satisfying dish of rough-cut bawdiness and you might just see me there with a lady with a side-shave.

from Blog https://ondenver.com/blue-dime-cabaret/

[tube-thoughts-blog]

tube thoughts vol. 3

zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star- dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking, 2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

GLOW 'The Story of the Glorious Ladies of Wrestling' *What they lack in testosterone they make up for in tenacity and triumph.* 3 stars

'Heavy Metal' *You don't have to be high on cat piss, like the southpark heavy metal homage, for this trip.* 3 stars

G.I. Joe 'Retaliation' *Joe Pros: Firefly portrayal, really badass toys/tech and actor. Cobra Commander, creepy even in a prison fishtank. Brief Storm Shadow vs. Snake Eyes faceoff (wish was longer). Red Ninjas. The Rock's tumbler tank & hover-boat-gun-boat. Bruce Willis' stash of high powered weapons littered throughout his suburban home (quite funny). Cobra Cons: All the pop culture references. RZA's acting. Moronic score/soundtrack. Roland Emmerich style large scale CGI destruction of a major city. Cliche'd walking away from an explosion while not looking back -scene.* 2 stars

"Second Glance" 1992 --Christian themed after school special-- *A Jason Segel look-a-like gets really pushy about his politeness and preachiness getting in the way of his puerile attempts at procuring poontang at a 1980s style high school where the people, and setting, are so awkward that it must be the town over from Napoleon Dynamite.* 2 1/2 stars

Russel Mulcahy's 'Tale of the Mummy' *When the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars, dirty toilet paper will CGI creep across the planet. Cursed with some of the flaws of other late 90s horror thrillers, this movie at least tries and is earnest in its attempt at an homage and modern updating of a classic genre. Moreso than Brendan Fraser's 'The Mummy' which was somewhat entertaining but chose to take the Universal Monster character and turn him into a showy villain in an action adventure movie.* 2 1/2 stars

Fox's "Gotham" Season 1 Episode 1 *I'm not a fan of shoehorning Renee Montoya into Jim & Barbara Gordon's relationship. Jada Pinkett Smith's character Fish Mooney looks to play too much of a major role in the show. I don't care about seeing a child version of Ivy or Catwoman looking like cosplay fan service early versions of both characters. Not liking the new character relationships, like mentioned above, and the inclusion of the Fish Mooney character's overbearing presence just might keep me from coming back to see what I do like most about the show, which is Bullock, Penguin, and Jim Gordon's personal quest to make things right with the Wayne homicide and corruption surrounding it.* 2 1/2 stars

Captain America: "The Winter Soldier" *A couple of old song and dance(s). Would you feel safer with guns pointed at everyone on the globe? Sometimes you have to say you don't know the people that you used to know.* 3 stars

Guillermo Del Toro's "Pacific Rim" *It's easy to believe a mad scientist would try to synch his brain with a giant lizard, from another dimension, when you've already seen the same actor eat the cheese from slum land rat-traps and digest catfood in a sleep experiment. Asian women driving cars is bad enough, let alone giving them the keys to a transformer. In this world, the weather channel is better than the WWE.* 3 stars

Farscape: "Thank God It's Friday, Again" *Wastin' Away In Margarita Village of the Damned Josefine Stalin Turnip Farm Rave Party*  2 1/2 stars

The Outer Limits: "White Light Fever" starring Bruce Davison *To hell with natural death. The heart wants what the heart wants, but the reaper gets the final jolt.*  3 stars

X Men: "Days of Future Past" *The Sentinels are realized, on film, in the scary and overwhelming manner they should be. And you can't go wrong with Peter Dinklage.* 3 stars

Transformers: "More Than Meets The Eye" (3 part 1984 debut) *Dear diary, Otimus Prime would make a neat president. 1984 presidential election-- Otimus Prime & Michael Jackson vs. Megatron & Ronald Regan*        3 stars

Fred Dekker & Stan Winston present "Monster Squad" *The only time you'll see Dracula dynamite a kids' clubhouse in order to make a statement.* 3 stars

SYFY & The Asylum present--- Z Nation: "Puppies & Kittens" *Captures the style of AMC's "The Walking Dead" closely except for the great storytelling and practical visual fx of Robert Kirkman & Greg Nicotero. That being said, it's debatable whether DJ Qualls as disc jokey of the z nation is more debonair than Daryl Dixon, the possum eating sex symbol of the world of "Walkers."--* 2 Stars

Charles Band presents "Ghost Town" *Going mad, on the lone prairie, chasing tumbleweeds. A role reversal High Plains Drifter.* 3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs presents Larry Cohen's "It Lives Again" *The still grieving father, from the first film, leads a fringe group of citizens and scientists who fight the pro-life fight for the killer mutant babies because they believe the distubing infants could be the next step in human evolution. Yep, another misguided  organization, like PETA, this time with even more disastrous results.* 3 stars

Masters of Horror: "Dream Cruise" *The Japanese tell a decent ghost story. This one involves treachery, trying to forget, and the curse of the dead at sea.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: "The Choice" *Paige Fletcher, The Hitchhiker, hires a scanner nanny to look after his American Beauty  daughter who suffers the same condition. The nanny wants to abduct the daughter into a Lillith cult, while a G-man witchhunter searches for the cult, the little girl, and the nanny to experiment on them in a concentration camp.* 3 stars

"Without Warning" (1980) *You don't want to be stranded in the middle of B.F.E. stuck between batshit Martin Landau, batshit Jack Palance, and a shadowy Slender Man like alien with his flying leeches.* 3 stars

Thundarr: The Barbarian-- "Secret of the Black Pearl" *Nomads living in the ruins of Manhattan, after a great cataclysm, discover a power to fight against an evil two-faced sorcerer. They entrust it to a Conan, with a lightsaber, his musclebound Wookie, and a hot sorceress. The heroes use it to fight off Two-Face and his torch flamethrower wielding animated Statue of Liberty.* 3 stars

"Hot Dog: The Movie" guest starring Shannon Tweed and the guy from American Werewolf in London-- *Sex crazed 1980s party animals versus stuck up German snobs on the ski slopes of Squaw Valley, USA.* 3 stars

Doctor Who (4th Doctor Tom Baker) "Genesis of the Daleks" *The Daleks originated on a planet where two civilizations fought in their own version of WW1, WW2, and the Cold War for over a thousand years.* 3 stars

Disney's Gummi Bears "A New Adventure" *A kid in a king's court stumbles onto the truth about his favorite fairy tale creatures. They're real. He teams up with these Renaissance Beverly Hillbilly bears to stop a dastardly duke, and his bumbling ogre henchmen, from catapulting the king's castle to ruins.* 3 stars

"The Peanut Butter Solution" (1985) *Polite, Canadian hair'em scare'em. A kid gets a strange fright. His hair falls out like Uncle Fester. Two ghosts convince the kid to spread mudpie on his scalp. The kid turns into Cousin It. Then, the kids, in town, all get abducted by the Frenchy former art teacher and he puts them to work in a sweat shop making brushes out of the kid's long hair so that  Frenchy can paint magical paintings of his dog.* 3 stars

Tobe Hooper presents Stephen King's "Salem's Lot" *The sweetest singing and a feeling like drowning* 3 stars

rifftrax riffs "It's like Rob Schneider's "The Animal," only this is a comedy." & Richard Stanley(sort of), John Frankenheimer, Stan Winston, and H.G. Wells(sort of) present "The Island of Dr. Moreau" *Distractingly bizarre / defiant / spaced out / aloof / odd for odd's sake are Brando and Kilmer. Their enemy is not the cruel repression of a species, but instead the art of filmmaking as they figuratively fling thespian poo like dramatic monkeys at the zoo.* 3 stars with riffing 2 stars without

Cowboy Bebop "Asteroid Blues" *Coyote, with red eye, on the run to mars. A couple of bounty hunters looking for beef.* 3 stars

The Galaxy Invader (1985) *"The greatest scientific discovery, of the century, gets lasso'd by rednecks."* 2 stars

Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3 *Crucified to the supper table. "There's roadkill all over Texas." A subpar, but still somewhat sinister, Sawyer family portrayal.* 2 stars

Hammer Films "The Curse of Frankenstein" starring Peter Cushing as the Baron Frankenstein & Christopher Lee as the monster *Cushing's descent into madness is mesmerizing.* 3 stars

Kolchak, The Night Stalker "Demon In Lace" *Co-ed blueballs and the stench of brimstone* 3 stars

Something Weird Video presents "Trouble Down Below" ---xxx--- (1981) *Warning! This is not a daring expose' on downstairs mixups. It's instead the slow-hell of having to stare at the shriveled coin purses of men from the era of Ron Burgundy.* 2 stars

Victor Salva's "Clownhouse" *The director is a perv for little boys, Sam Rockwell bullies his two younger brothers, and three escaped mental patients stalk about in the shadows.*          3 stars

New World Pictures "Saturday, the 14th" (1981) *Arrested development in Eerie P.A., where you can't piss on hospitality, the necronomicon,or an electric can opener.* 2 1/2 stars

"Student Bodies" (1981) *Psycho-sexual-slap-stick* 3 stars

"The Kindred" (1987) *Aquatic hybrid sibling. A forgotten special fx gem.* 3 stars

"Queen of Blood" (1966) starring Dennis Hopper & John Saxon-- *She has glowing eyes, green skin, a beehive hair-do, and likes to slurp spacemen as if they were Hi-C.*  2 1/2 stars

New World Pictures "Reform School Girls" (1986) *Trashy twats terrorizing troubled tarts.* 3 stars

"Don't Go In The House" (1980) *There are no haunted places, only haunted people. Yet another Ed Gein, this one with a dragon in his guilty belly, 'cause mama tried to purify "his evil" using flame.* 3 stars

--- Joe Bob's Hollywood Halloween (1999)

in search of The Nair Witch segments

and the feature movie Don Coscarelli's "Phantasm" (1979)

*Here we have an outdated skit comedy about a late 90s found footage horror movie, and the braintrust at TNT's moronic attempts to turn Monstervision into Three's Company with Joe Bob hanging out with two babes in the Hollywood hills.

He gets to talk about the movie, a little bit, but not enough.

The TNT censors also butcher some of the great gore special fx, but the eerie setting and story still holds up as classic.

A story about a boy who should be dealing with coming of age problems instead of morbid things like the loss surrounding death.*

1 1/2 stars for the Nair Witch garbage

2 1/2 stars for the censored version of Phantasm as it's sandwiched between all of that

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Walking Dead: "No Sanctuary" *No Safeway, either, and very little humanity, but they've got a people Piggly Wiggly, or maybe it's a Publix, these cannibals are rather new age in attitude.* 2 1/2 stars

Twin Peaks: "Variations and Relations" *sonnets and soirees* 2 1/2 stars

Farscape: "PK Tech Girl" *Ghost-ship grievances, goading smokescreen, attracting polarities, fireball spitting frog fiends.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: "Virtual Future" *Lawnmower Man computer program wiz, Josh Brolin, gets caught up in his corrupt boss' (David Warner) Dead Zone political run.* 2 stars

Dario Argento's "Creepers" (1985) *"Fate... up against your will..." It also doesn't hurt to have telepathic control over insects and a chimpanzee backup.* 3 stars

"Skin Games" (1985) ---xxx--- appearance by Peter North *A lotta lovemaking. Not a lotta creativity or allure.* 1 1/2 stars

The Nether Horror Collection (1996) ------------------------------------

"The Bitch Is Back" *A man has a bloody tussle with his movie quoting, maniacal blowup doll. Though, a guy with an Alien 3 poster on his bedroom door kind of deserves what's coming to him.*  2 stars

"Burp" *A hooker and a business man have a bad night on the surreal streets of some European city.* 2 stars

"The Prodigal Son" *A gigolo gets purchased for a golden girl mom who sucks and bites his nipple off.  Then, all hell breaks loose when the jealous brother shows up.* 3 stars

"Pick Nick" *A man tries to trick a nagging blind woman to get out of the car at a lion preserve.*  2 1/2 stars

"Zombi Orignale" *"The statue needs blood, human blood, or else the gates of hell will open and the dead  will rise." Great, little homage to Night of the Living Dead and the king of gore, Lucio Fulci, too.* 3 stars

"La Mouche" *Plodding, and plodding some more, man versus fly.* 1/2 a star despite ok end

"The Great Rock & Roll Massacre" *A nerdy Colonel Sanders finger licks a guitar while some youth and a critter-esque muppet get depraved.* 2 1/2 stars

"The Great Rock & Roll Massacre 2: The Resurrection" *Bloody guitar player rises from the grave to rock out, once more.* 2 stars

"Inkt" *A Victorian lifelong fear/obsession with squid leads to time spent in a watery and nightmarish asylum.* 2 1/2 stars

"Visire" *Black & white short about grey, dreary European city life where the maggot covered dead body of your upstairs neighbor falls onto your bowl of cereal as you try to watch Looney Tunes.* 2 stars

"Bloody Mary" *Big, bald bully bothers a barmaid before getting a bloody boo boo and blacking out, bringing the barmaid to bare her fangs.* 2 1/2 stars

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Transformers: Transport to Oblivion *Megatron's hard ticket to Cybertron* 2 1/2 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs presents "Project Metal-Beast" *Corrupt and crazy CIA man thaws his old werewolf buddy out of storage so that some young military scientists can have an ethical dilemma hissyfit over sewing patchwork synthetic, so-called indestructible skin all over him, when he's not gnawing on them.* 2 stars

Sundown, The Vampire in Retreat (Shouldn't it be Sunup?) featuring M. Emmett Walsh, George 'Buck' Flower, Bruce Campbell, & David Carradine *A family goes on a trip to a sleepy, desert town where the dad is helping set up a Snapple-esque blood substitute plant for the incognito vampire town residents who have given up their gruesome ways, for the most part, and are living a gentle life behind sunscreen, umbrellas, big floppy hats & sunglasses. There's also a hokey deal about Dracula getting forgiveness from Jesus, a group of dissident cave cowboy vampires, and a Straw Dog love triangle between the husband, the wife, and an old friend who has gone over to the darkside.* 3 stars

Roger Corman presents "Space Raiders" (1983) *Little Anikin Menace Phone Home Alone* 1 1/2 stars

Thundarr, The Barbarian: "Harvest of Doom" *Snakes, on a train, delivering poppies to the wizard, and a swamp girl, Huck Finn, who wants the train as her own personal playset.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: "Living Hell" *A drifter, and all around nice guy, with a scarred past, becomes a gunshot, to the head, victim. He receives a revolutionary brain chip that saves his life, but also allows visions from the mind of a serial killer who has the same kind of bug in his head. The nice guy's sympathetic, and beautiful, brain surgeon helps him as he deals with the gruesome visions and they try to stop the killer.* 3 stars

Cowboy Bebop: "Stray Dog Strut" *Give him the once over, twice, and get enough for duck. Bumbling a bounty, but scoring a sought after puppy stuffed with precious data.* 2 1/2 stars

"Ghostwatch" (1992) *BBC mockumentary about a live, Halloween night paranormal investigation at a suburban home in London. The two girls and mother do a believable job, some of the reporters make it a little more silly than it should be, but maybe that works to the advantage of making the viewer comfortable and then disturbing them. The comments on having created a social t.v. seance and having other viewers and the studio experience outlandishly spooky events might have been a little over the top, but all in all very entertaining.* 3 stars

Gargoyles: "Awakening" *Betrayed, a millenium ago, by the humans they were sworn to protect, a group of winged beasts awake from a rocky slumber in pre-9-11 NYC. A ponytailed, shady and extremely wealthy CEO hopes to use their battle skills to wage corporate espionage from high atop a castle above the largest skyscraper in the city. Realizing the trickery, the leader, of the gargoyles, Goliath, severs ties with an old love who is showing too much of a demonic side like the human who awakened them and attempted to exploit them. The gargoyles don't lose complete love for humanity, however, as many of them find that they love modern city life and Goliath catches urban fever from a saucy, lady detective, friend. The show has a similar moody, gorgeous, compelling style as Batman: The Animated Series.* 3 stars

Tim & Eric, Bedtime Stories: "Angel Boy" *A dorky dad becomes eeriely enamored with a fairylike neighbor boy's Lady Gaga wannabe avant garde singing. So much so that he surprises his own aggressive whiteboy monstertruck driving son with a special musical performance of Angel Boy at a pool party for bitches and bros. They of course begin to haze Angel Boy, to the idiotic shock of the dad, and make him face his worst fear, water, when they toss him into the pool. He boils like a  mogwai, for a moment, and then rises above the pool, in the air, and makes a demonic pitch of sound that causes everyone to shit their pants. Aside from the painfully non-humor music video moment, the story sticks to the point and manages to poke fun at people in Tim & Eric's unique and sort of spot on way.* 2 1/2 stars

Guillermo Del Toro's "Hellboy 2: The Golden Army" *It comes down to the imaginative creatures being more interesting than the dark elf plot to unleash tin man terminators on the world.* 2 1/2 stars

Farscape: "That Old Black Magic" *An evil being savors suffering and is willing to make you feel shitty in order to get his own star destroyer spaceship.* 3 stars

Martin Landau, Ruth Buzzi, and Jose Ferrer in "The Being" *Dazed & Confused town is more concerned with selling potatoes and stopping so-called smut than they are the toxic waste dump that's spawning gooey cyclops menaces.*  3 stars

Dr. Who (4th Doctor Tom Baker) "Revenge of the Cybermen" *Metal Slug induced "plague", dastardly double agent, satellite collision course, moon-planet of gold, human detonators for the biggest explosion in the solar system, generational power struggle, Tin Man Butcherers with a 14 karrot Achilles' heel.* 2 1/2 stars

Thundarr, The Barbarian: "Mindok, The Mind Menace" *Doctor-Doom-esque villain's brain refuses to die, so he seeks out frozen scientists from the 20th century to help build a giant robotic body to house his vile intellect. Our boneheaded hero, his even more boneheaded bigfoot friend, and the only smart one, the sorceress, try to free the scientists and stop Mindok. The awkward line delivery and odd moments of animation make this show unintentionally hilarious, often.* 2 1/2 stars

"Spookies" (1986) *Farting mummies killed by red wine, 13 year old boy who gets a surprise birthday party at a haunted mansion and then buried in a shallow grave by a werewolf, Jersey Shore couple victims, Grim Reaper that explodes when it falls off the 2 story roof, graveyard full of groping zombies (no flesh eating), Aleister Crowley type who is playing a big game of chess with victims for a brought back from the dead bride who never loved him, wolfboy with a hook for a hand, girlfriend possessed by demon, dorky mustache guy with puppet who gets the life, literally, sucked out of him by an Asian spiderlady, British prude lady who controls her boyfriend and they both get eaten by creatures from the black lagoon big & small. Some okay gooey special fx creatures and makeup mixed in with some cheap and crappy Halloween makeup on ghouls and an unfocused story/climax/ending that felt like they didn't know what to do and just gave up.*   2 stars

"Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy" --------------------

*Nightmare 1: Smug filmmakers think they're above the slasher genre. Bob Shea is responsible for the great 'gotcha' ending.

Freddy's Revenge: It's realized how important Englund is. Actors, screenwriter, production crew look back fondly on the silliness and gay over/under tones.

Dream Warriors: The boy actors crush on Patricia Arquette. The director is manic and jerkish about making a bold production.

Dream Master: Everyone disappointed Arquette doesn't return. Viking director takes Freddy into MTV pop culture direction. Freddy is now mainstream. We, the public, felt it.

Dream Child: Bug eyed kid actor would make a great Golum in LOTR. Fresh influences help  series, including splatterpunk writers and visionary KNB special fx guys.

Freddy's Dead: Hack director gets praise for over the top looney tunes crap filmmaking. Publicity stunts help New Line and the director con people into thinking it's bye bye.

New Nightmare: Wes Craven returns to take the movie in a meta as meta can get direction. More smugness and even more Heather Lagenkampf. She's no Jamie Lee or Sigourney.

Freddy vs. Jason: In gestation for years. Many scripts. A director who didn't like the characters. An ending no one can decide on. Test audiences. Apologies. It's no Frankenstein vs. The Wolfman.*

2 stars

--------------------------------------------------------------

Barbara Hershey in "The Entity" (1980) *Psychologists are stuffy foggies puffing pipes. Parapsychologists are vibrant, videoage pioneers. Hysterical, lonely women with child abuse / unwanted motherhood regret invent undefinable, unstopabble forces of nature to avert dealing with menopausal personal crisis, or do they?* 3 stars

American Horror Story -- Freakshow -- "Monsters Among Us" *Paints with very broad strokes and overacting and power guitar performances in the wrong era. It's not as garish and actually shocking like Tod Browning's 'Freaks.' It's not moody and timeless like 'Carnivale.' It's not compelling like 'Fur: A Portrait of Diane Arbus.' And it's not truly weird like Harmony Korine's "Mister Lonely." It's a cliche killer clown, here, a fornicating lobster boy, there, and more uninterestingly freakish characters aside from the cgi siamese twin and the overbearing cabaret leader.* 2 stars

Town of the Living Dead: "Zombie Karate" *It's hard to tell whether these characters are a creation of the show's production or  if these smalltown, extremely passionate moviemakers are really this stupid and odd.*  1 1/2 stars

"Motel Hell" (1980) *"It takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent's fritters." Those fritters include hippy bandmates, nosey health inspector, and kinky husband & wife swingers to name a few. "Meat is meat, and people gotta eat."... in this Jimmy Dean smokehouse massacre.* 3 stars

"Basket Case 2" (1990) *The Times Square Freak Twins flee to Staten Island where they find sanctuary with a Nightbreed Muppet Babies group lead by a loving granny. They're hounded by a weekly world news type tabloid reporter and both find out how tragic love and acceptance can be.* 3 stars

---- "The Willies" (1990)

*Sean Astin (LOTR & Rudy) is on a backyard campout, with his cousins, telling kid-friendly tales of terror. One tale is about a piggy lady who finds a fried rat in her KFC.

Another tale is about an old man who dies on a haunted house ride at the carnival.

Then there's the tale of the the monster who wears a janitor's skin and eats elementary school bullies who have mullets and wear iron maiden t-shirts along with pinch faced teachers, but he spares the picked on nerds who pee their pants.

The final tale is about a live action Eric Cartman. Gordy Belcher (Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts) gets twisted pleasure from the  misfortune of others and stealing whatever he wants to the point of everyone in town, even his parents, disliking him. He also is methodical in his perverse obsession with flies. He experiments with them, like a god or mad scientist. The Weird Science comic covers taped to his bedroom wall reflect his personality. He has more problems than suspension  from school, and punishment from his parents, when he ticks off a crazy farmer who has  came up with a smelly solution to get rid of Gordy for good.*

2 1/2 stars

---------------------------------------------------------

---- "Fear No Evil" (1981)

*The pubescent Prince of Darkness mopes around, like the lead singer of Bauhaus, at his 1980s highschool where  there's always MTV rock music playing, like The Ramones.

He's picked on in homo-erotic ways by the school's John Travolta look-a-act a-like, and they share a homo-erotic-satanic kiss in the showers.

He's a straight A student, accepted into every ivy league college imaginable, but his presence, since his botched baptism, has put his folks into a deep depression as they walk around like shells of human beings- in a decrepit, falling apart house they no longer tend to.

The dad just drinks and tells people, at the bar, that his son is the devil.

They laugh him off and say there's is too.

The prince tries to mind rape a girl he's obssessed with and ends up causing the stereotypical crazy gym teacher to kill her boyfriend with a dodgeball.

The girl goes into mourning and finds out she's one of three reincarnated angels sent to stop Satan.

The prince goes all Caligula on his town during a Jesus play and the low budget horror fx begin, including a hilarious scene where he gives Travolta guy breasts, playing off a joke/dare Travolta kid teased Satan kid with earlier when he wouldn't share a homo-erotic puff puff pass pot joint with him.*

2 stars

--------------------------------------------------------------

Cowboy Bebop: "Honky Tonk Women" *The giant roulette wheel in the upper atmosphere.* 3 stars

Transformers: "Roll For It" *(with enthusiasm) "It's time to create anti-matter!" Megatron, again, comes close to causing himself to become permanent, 'instant junk.'* 3 stars

Dino De Laurentiis presents Stephen King's "Cat's Eyes" *This cat really got around in the 80s. In the 90s, not so much. But man, the 80s... if it went down, the cat was somewhere lurking about. Lionel Richie walking on the ceiling, the cat was down on the floor saving Billy Ocean's breath, while he was napping, and being the inspiration for 'Get Out of My Dreams, Get into My car.' The night that the Elephant Man's bones came alive and attacked Liz Taylor because Michael accidentally let her get  drunk and do witchcraft, the cat was there to save the day. The only time that the cat ever did wrong was when he watched a guy drown, and didn't lend a hand, luckily Phil Collins was there to witness it, and shame the cat, later, in song.* 3 stars

"Pulse" (1988) *Tense horror thriller where phenomena thrives in the disbelief it allows in some and the despair it causes in others. Set in the 1980s revival of the love for modern, electrical conveniences and the fact that there might be some sinister force dwelling on the edges of that lifestyle. Added twitch of the personal drama of how distance and divorce does disrepair to developmental years, for a child, if not dealt with in a down to earth and off the grid manner.* 3 stars

Thundarr, The Barbarian: "Raiders of the Abyss" *It's death from above as foul, shriveled monks on massive mutated bats pluck stranded passengers off of an ancient cruiseliner impaled sideways on a sharp mountain. The flying mouse brigade wanna sniff the life out of the captured, like a glade plug in, so's they can be young again. Thundarr, and his trusty wookie, are willing to blindly ride their horses off any chasm to save a fellow hugh-man, but the sorceress is wise enough to use logic and light bridges to make plausible path, and risks her skin- more than once- to save the day.* 3 stars

"The Midnight Hour" (1985) *For a town with a lynching past, 1985 seemed pretty light-hearted and accepting. How can you not like a movie with Thriller style dance numbers, Kurtwood Smith as the sheriff, Wolfman Jack as the disc jockey, LaVar Burton as a horny teenager, and an earth angel style ghost romance that saves Halloween from a vampire herpes outbreak?* 2 1/2 stars

The Walking Dead: "Strangers" *How many times has this happened, on the show,... our heroes regroup after a highly tense battle, divisive and long drawn out disputes are settled with a pat on the back and words of understanding, it's decided that a supply run is once again needed, a handful of zombies stand in the way and are quickly/watchoutohno/easily dispatched, someone in the group feels angsty, anxiety & mistrust settles back in during a comfortable moment, the show ends on a cliffhanger?  We come back the next week, like the suckers we are...*       2 stars

Lost and Found Video Night Vol 4: All Musical Edition *"In a room with no windows, in the corner, I found truth."* 2 stars

Z Nation: "Fracking Zombies" *Post-zombie tech support outsourced to the polar ice caps. Zombie sled dogs in the snow. Sons of Anarchy Sex slave ring? Zombie oil spill. Zombie boredom game of 'Go Fish.' Zombie s.u.v. leering hissyfit. Z nation satellite surveillance spots a rare telephone booth. Zeriously, zthough, DJ Qualls lonely and wanting a puppy pulls at my heart strings more than Rick & Carl have in a while.*          2 1/2 stars

"The Supernaturals" (1986) *A platoon of privates, stranded in the deep south wilderness, encounter some undead rebel soldiers and a resurrected civil war army mother/widow. The hundred plus year old son has been keeping dear old mom alive since a group of yanks caused her death during cruel torture/execution at a confederate minefield. Our hero, one of the army privates, has to convince the son (who he might actually be the father of in a past life) to stop using his supernatural powers to keep these old war wounds open.* 2 1/2 stars

"Lady in White" *Charmingly crafted tale of a writer who returns to his smalltown where, during his childhood, a Halloween prank puts him on the path of ghosts, and a child murderer, set against the backdrop of a quirky schoolroom, a quirky Italian family with sweet & silly grandparents, and the issues of race during the early days of the civil rights movement.* 3 stars

Linda Blair in "Summer of Fear" aka "Stranger In Our House" a Wes Craven tv movie (1978) *An Ozark Mountains witch poses as a distant cousin so that she can spellcast her way into the top spot in a California ranch home and ruin the teenage life of the family's spunky, horse-lovin' daughter. The Poison Ivy plot can be forgiven, for it was fresh at the time, but some of the silly moments like the notion that a witch can't be photographed, and that the dad doesn't remember the entire week where he was cheating on mom, with the witch, are harder to not criticize.* 2 1/2 stars

"In Search of the Wild Beaver" ---xxx--- (1986) *College buddies devise a plan to fur-trap some girl game and pop their poindexter friend's cherry so that he'll let them take his winnebago on a raunchy roadtrip.* 2 stars

"Taking Tiger Mountain" (1983) *Feminist fascist scientists chemically castrate, sexually re-engineer, and generally just mind fuck typically horny young males, like Bill Paxton's character, in order to experiment in the balancing of the sexes. When they're royally screwed up, they send these fuck fixated fellas out into the world as sleeper agent assassins against the femi-nazi's political  enemies. Europe is full of North American expatriates, due to a state of post-apocalyptic chaos west of the atlantic. We hear this on a constant radio broadcast in our head. Europe isn't much better as radicals try to overthrow the patriarchy and groups of young people are auctioned off in prostitution meat markets. Aesthetically more of a filmschool  artfilm than a surreal masterpiece like Cronenberg's "Naked Lunch."*  2 1/2 stars

Thundarr, The Barbarian: "Treasure of the Moks" *River-Queen pirate raids the village of legendary rich Wookies using salvaged torpedos from a Naval graveyard. She's sitting pretty on the deck of a battleship nailed to a raft of logs. Her crew looks like casino drunks or adam west batman's penguin henchmen with their navy frog suits with skull and crossbones on the front. She's more of a villainess fashion victim with a men's necktie substituting for a pirate's bandana. On a serious note, this episode is great because it's the first time we see actual human beings as the greedy, dangerous ones in this post-apocalypse instead of the usual mutant creature, sub-species, or inhuman tech or magic entity.* 3 stars

Doctor Who (Tom Baker) "Terror of the Zygons" *Loch Nessie in a fetching scarf floating up the Thames.*  3 stars

42nd Street Forever Vol 2: Grindhouse Exploitation Trailers *Fast rides, wild teens, hot women, hard edged bruthas, controversial facts of life, unspeakable creatures, inhuman terrors, horrors of science, rowdy rednecks, energetic espionage, sword and sandal, roller disco.* 3 stars

The State "43rd Annual" All-Star Halloween Special on CBS (1995) *MTV's The State get subversive on network tv with stunts like coming out to an opening musical number through the legs of hanged men, having a well adjusted kid smoke a joint, for the first time, and take a police station hostage, and showing soldiers holding a dying squad mate and being uncomfortable with his last wish for them to tell him they love him because it would be gay and ending the skit with the soldiers 'making out' over the dead soldier's body.*        3 stars

Night Stand: Death in the Trailer Park aka Homicide in a Double-Wide *Billy Ray Jim Dick's mama is still sore at her slut daughter in law for hitching up with two-ton tubbie trailer salesman after her son's tragic truck accident. Surprise, though, Billy Ray faked his death and is now a Joan instead of a Jim. Night Stand, a great parody of Jerry Springer.* 3 stars

Disney's DTV Monster Hits (10-30-87) --------------------

*Electric Light Orchestra's 'Evil Woman' plays over a montage of Disney villainesses,

awesome 80s Pepsi & Burger King commercials -one with the Miami Sound Machine,

Donald Duck delivers a package to an unlucky address as Stevie Wonder's 'Very Superstitious' plays,

Pat Benatar's 'You Better Run' plays as Snow White flees for her life into the forest,

Spike Jones' 'That Old Black Magic' plays during some of Mickey & friends more mystical moments,

Hershey's Bar-None candybar commercial about satisfying the hungry beast,

Michael Landon promises new surprises in this upcoming season of 'Highway to Heaven,'

Daryl Hall's 'Dreamtime' plays along with gorgeous hand-drawn classic Disney animation,

"Heffalumps and Woozles" for Winnie the Pooh,

Ronald & Grimace in the story of Cosmic- a cheeseburger sharing lesson,

Golden Girls in the U.S.S.R. preview,

Annie Lennox sings 'Sweet Dreams' during a dream sequence,

all hosted by the Man in the Magic Mirror.*

3 stars

==============================================================

Halloween 666: The Curse of Michael Myers *Satanic cursed child cult, Tommy Doyle Rear Window style watcher, Laurie's daughter's baby, Dr. Loomis comes out of retirement, runes, Strode family strife.*  2 1/2 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Tobe Hooper's "No More Mr. Nice Guy" *I had imagined Freddy being more cowardly in his life and not releshing in his own execution.* 2 1/2 stars

Frank Grillo in "The Purge: Anarchy" *A young Charles Bronson type takes by the hand and leads Fred Sanford's girls and a car trouble couple through a dream night for supporters of the NRA and players of GTA. Meanwhile, Chuck D & the Public Enemy try to lead a anti purge revolution that will not be televised.* 3 stars

Town of the Living Dead: Jasper Needs Zombies *The inept, bumbling director name drops Robert Rodriguez. The crazy investor lady has spent tens of thousands of dollars on a movie that was doomed to make nothing until SYFY  stepped in. Six years of everyone involved wasting their time on a movie in a tired, oversaturated genre... I will give them credit for exploiting their crassness on cable as a way of maybe recouping some of what they've lost in this venture and gaining a coin or two of fame/shame.* 1 star

"The Simpsons Guy" *Long awaited crossover. Too bad SouthPark already pointed out how Bart's rebellious antics are nowhere near as sadistic as other cartoon bad boys in Cartoon Wars where Bart meets Cartman and too bad they wasted so much of the episode with the tired, uncomfortable Meg moments and the 'chicken fight' between Peter & Homer. I would have liked to seen more how Quahog and Springfield clashed in cultures and attitudes.* 2 stars

Tim & Eric, Bedtime Stories: "Toes" *Patients pay Dr. Bob Odenkirk to butcher their piggies. Detective M. Emmett Walsh sniffs around, making Dr. Bob uncomfortable, wanting to be his sailing buddy, but Emmett knows Bob's dark secret. He eats the toes.* 3 stars

Three Stooges Fright Night TBS Superstation (1992) --------------------

*Stop seeing things, before I gouge your eyes out. Go to sleep, before I murder you, ya sonambulist. - a few great quotes by Moe in this first 'Old Dark House' horror comedy.

Then there's a truly horrific commercial about a grown woman who was a botch aborted fetus at seven months.

Then an awesome commercial for Copolla's Dracula coming out the 13th of November.

Next is 'I Want My Mummy' about the curse of King Rooten Tooten, where the Stooges are Sherlock Holmes investigators who catch a cab from NY to Cairo to find a corpse of a midget and destroy his wife Hotsie Totsie.

Followed by 'Dopey with Dicks' (featuring Shemp) A mad scientist seeking a human brain for a mechanical man and maybe the first comedic mention of 'braaaaiiins' in a horror/comedy.

Lastly, it's 'Pests in a Mess'   Stooges think they're trying to hide a stiff, they never bothered to look and see it was a mannequin, and wind up in a spooky cemetery where the scares literally cause the boys to jump out of their shoes.*

3 stars

-----------------------------------------------------------

Swamp Thing: "The Emerald Heart" *A little boy with a questionable imagination gets to spend the Summer in the swamp, and meets the Swamp Thing.  Yuppy douchebag mad scientist toys with his skanky girlfriend and moreso with a poor dwarf.* 2 stars

Thundarr, The Barbarian: "Attack of the Amazon Women" *Han and Chewie get all sexist caught in the midst of a shark ridin', amphibian, estrogen civil war. Also a laser tentacles Kracken, a patriot missile trojan horse, & a lady-magic showdown.* 3 stars

Friday Night Videos (10-30-1987) hosted by Elvira special Halloween Edition ---------------------------

*Springsteen strumming alone in his kitchen, late at night.

Earth Wind & Fire show us innercity life in 'System of Survival' an awesome retro street video.

Cheesy lifesavers and scruples commercials where nerdy yuppies love & hangout.

White man blues Levis 501 blues.

Elvira answers (valley girl voice) "So Weiiird" fan letters from the likes of Madonna & Jon 'bulge in the pants' Bon Jovi.

REM sends one out to 'The One I Love.'

Phillip Morris wants to know if Elvira smokes after sex, Elvira doesn't know, she's never looked.

Tammy Faye Baker thinks Elivra exploits her body. Ha.

Then a flat busted girl wants Elvira's advice in dressing as her for Halloween, Elvira says to dress like Cher, only backwards.

Then the video for that cheesy love song from the end of 'Dirty Dancing' by Billy Medley and Jennifer Warren. Swayze crazy. These two singers must be really ugly, as they're kept in total shadow. Ha.

Jon Cryer is Hiding Out rated PG 13.

3D Toyota car for 1988.

Hershey's one of the all time greats, just ask Van Gogh and Mona Lisa.

Joe Montana knows about Nissan 'built for the human race' automobiles.

A pumpkin head helps sell us water & sofa beds.

Elvira teases us some more with her incredible legs and invites women to wear mattresses on their back, having one eye brow like brooke shields, and wearing a box on their head like Max Headroom.

Steve Winwood uses blurry 80s video editing to ask Valerie to 'Call on Me.'

Squeeze get all Renee Margarite artsy in 'Hourglass.'

Andrew McCarthy, Robert Downey Jr, and James Spader are 'Less Than Zero.'

Grab a stick, take a sniff, pull it out, on the ski slopes 'cause Juicy Fruit is gonna move ya.

"Hey, where  did you learn about COMPUTERs?" response "In the Army." "

The Nighttime is the Right Time" to be with the one ya love and to drink Michelob, so tells us a bluesy beer commercial. Man, 80s yuppies loved them some white man's blues.

Elvira gives tips not tits... tips for a safe Halloween. No Smurfs covered sheets ghost costume, take trick instead of treat, and accept no candy apples that you can shave with.

U2 where the streets have no names but do have rooftop spastic Bono belting out a soaring anthem.

Whatzit? board game.

New fresher taste Baby Ruth for letter jacket wearers.

Claim to Fame the gameshow where kids, dressed as Freddy Kruger, juggle fire.

Elvira says not to give out 8 track Frampton or bakedbeans/sushi to trick or treaters, but  Sony Walk-man instead.

'Blue Heaven is a Place on Earth' and Belinda Carlisle a dreamy chick on earth.

Cajun spiced Ruffle chips

and spoken word white guy Levi 501 blues.

Crocodile Dundee's buddies sell us Matilda Bay brew.

Flashdance esque advertisement for a hot Pontiac ride.

Stevie Wonder is in suburbia talkin' bout Skeletons in your Closet' and keepin' an eye on the scandalous goings on.

A chick with a Michael Jackson hat and huge earings wants more comfortable contacts.

Get a better butterfinger now.

Dreyfuss & Devito duel in a new comedy.

Not agent Dale Cooper must stop a female alien in The Hidden.

Elvira wraps it up for the Halloween weenies.*

3 stars

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The CW's "The Reaper" unaired pilot *A slacker gets special powers, from Satan, on his 21st birthday because his parents sold  his soul to the devil before he was even born. The guy has to go around with a mini-vac and suck up escaped souls and send them back to the pits. The  devil turns out to be a decent mentor for the guy to get his life back together. Along with his new Jedi powers and his Tucker & Dale versus Evil buddy, he's able to snare a firebug. This show is like a cross between the teen horror comedy Idle Hands and the S-Mart stuff from Evil Dead.* 3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs special guest Chucky from Bride of Chucky "The Gate" *Before Steven Dwarf stunted his size by smoking, he was listening to Satanic rock and summoning Stygian, synchronized- shape-shifting shorties and having to stop them from summoning their Set-like snake-god via a second sacrifice* 2 stars

American Horror Story: Murder House episode 1 *Filthy horror show. Haunted victorian house, 1970s horror vibe, screwed up characters. my curiousity is peaked.* 3 stars

South Park: The Cissy *Cartman finds a new, controversial scheme to exploit a civic issue, and this time Randy, through his strangeness,brings everyone together, uninentionally, to throw a wrench in Eric's plans. This show needs to quit following the same pattern, though, I appreciate the mentions to recent episode events. It gives the show a touch of continuity.* 2 stars

Z Nation: Philly Feast *Trailer trash cannibal cult use whores to lure unlucky men to the meat freezer. The Liberty Bell rolls down the streets of the City of Brotherly Love smashing zombies.* 2 stars

Z Nation: Full Metal Zombie *Amish Zombies, Romero mentioned (interesting self aware moment. Has it been done before, in a zombie show/movie?), zombies liking to eat brains mentioned (hmmm, kind of dumb self aware moment), toilet paper rationing moment (ha), carjacked by phony zombies, nice family carjacks phony zombie carjackers and then violently executes them, nice family (including kids) get eaten (wow, TWD wouldn't show a kid getting eaten), using a fast food drive thru to talk to DJ Qualls *Citizen Z* in his igloo, old hippie shotguns pot with a zombie, horror icon Bill Moseley as a crazy army official with a ridiculously over the top death, giant zombie chokehold, only one moment where they seem to really rip off TWD in where they mistake the old man as a zombie like Rick's group almost shot and killed Daryl after his bloody zombie walk.* 2 1/2 stars