#stars never FAIL to give me ash thoughts his playlist is so long but now im emotional all over AGAIN

[d4rkwr1t3s]

Ticking Time

Ships: Prinxiety, maybe platonic/mentioned romantic Dukexiety, mentioned other ships

Trigger Warnings: Apathy!Roman, a few innuendos, talk of gore, suicidal thoughts, depressive states, talk of bodily fluids (by Remus)

Roman had enough with everything. His ideas weren’t cutting it. Everything he knew had been tilted on its axis over and over. He was silenced quite often and made fun of. He had to apologize to everyone but no one had to apologize to him. He sighed and placed his head in his arms. 

Everyone had just assumed he had hit a creative block and he had to some extent. Nothing felt interesting or good enough anymore. The once vibrant red of his sash was now a muted grey. Usually, he would be upset by that but now he just felt nothing, numb. He looked over at the door to the imagination. It wasn’t just his but it was better than his slowly greying room. There it would be bright. Didn’t Logan say something about sunlight helping with depression? He couldn’t remember and he could feel himself caring less and less about it. He stood from his desk and stepped into the imagination. 

Usually even just stepping inside made him feel better. Usually his horse Merida was there to greet him. There was nothing vibrant or lifelike in his realm. The forest was alive as usual with Remus’ creatures. Each creature curses and spits at seeing him. Right, they’d get out eventually. Why didn’t he care though? The people weren’t real. There wasn’t even anyone there to protect anyway. The streets were barren and there were no bright colors in what he created. There were no decorations for some sort of festival. The town’s buildings were crumbling and slowly wasting away to become nothing but rubble. Even the castle seemed in ruins but not from a war, from time. 

Roman stepped inside and the doors shut behind him firmly. He sighed at it and looked up at the tapestry behind the throne. It seemed faded and the picture was no longer decipherable. He sits at the throne and lounges a moment. He listens to the creaking, breaking, dripping. His head hits the back of the throne but no sound escapes him. He looks to the side with a heavy breath. He feels like he’s drowning but there was nothing there. He didn’t feel panicked though. He felt strangely calm. Did it just feel like a suffocating hug? Roman couldn’t tell. He moved his hand in a circle to conjure something but nothing appeared. He looked up once more before he felt the gentle dripping of water. He put a hand to his face and wiped some tears away. Why was he crying? He wasn’t sad. He wasn’t feeling anything really. The tears didn’t even make it to the ground, blowing away as ash after it left his face.

He just sat on his throne and looked out across the empty throne room. It wasn’t comforting but it wasn’t haunting him either. It was a weird place to be. He looked up at the timer on the castle wall. It started and was just going up, ah, that’s what it was for. He hoped he could get out of this alone but he highly doubted it. He glances again at the clock. How long would it take for the others to notice? A day? A few days? A week? He highly doubted it but he didn’t hope for any less.

~~~~~~~~~~

A week had passed and no one had heard from Roman at all. While this wasn’t too much of a surprise considering his romps in the imagination, it was odd that no one was told, and that there was no influence by Roman. Every idea Thomas seemed to have came from Remus. Patton and Virgil had been working overtime to keep Thomas from actually streaking through his neighborhood, or hitting his friends with the fake morning star, or even doing dangerous stunts. Some were a bit more concerned than others but it was taking a toll on everyone. There were no new videos since all ideas came from a less than spectacular source. 

Virgil sighed heavily with his headphones blasting his playlist. Where the hell was Roman? He grunted at a sudden pressure on his stomach and peeled his eyes open to see who it was. He groaned when meeting a certain side’s eyes. “Remus,” he groaned out, “get off.” “No thanks! I know you feel it too!” “Feel what you insufferable prick?” “Oooh, nice one but sadly I’m not talking about a boner this time.” “Gross. Get off.” “No. You know something’s wrong too.” “I always feel like something’s wrong. Now get off!” Virgil moved to throw him off which barely even budged Remus an inch.

“Just look!” Remus pulled out a clock in a circling green and grey pattern.

Virgil looked at it with confusion, “uh-huh? What about it? It’s a clock? It’s the wrong time but nothing seems off about it.” “That’s the thing! Ever since the split it’s been red and green and broken. Now it’s green and grey and working. Something’s off with Robro and you’re the only one in this stuffy pile of horse shit that gives a shit. Some-” “Stopping you right there,” Virgil cut him off with a look of disgust before he shook his head, “even if there was something wrong Roman’s door is locked.” “Oh? Little bat tried to sneak in?” Remus teased, “gonna grab something to-” “Oh shut up. No,” Virgil's face still heat up at the implications, “what about your side?” “Haven’t been,” Remus shrugged, “besides it’s crawling with nightmares.” “I know that much but can we get over?” “Probably. Especially if something happened to the prince himself.”

“Okay. So can we go?” He questioned while he motioned for Remus to get off. “Yeah. We can go. If you’re ready to face some of your worst nightmares,” Remus teased him again with a grin. “Oh fuck off,” Virgil shoved him off this time and got up, “let’s go before this gets any worse.” “Ugh fine. You’re no fun anymore,” Remus pouted again but got back up and shook himself down before he grabbed Virgil and threw him over his shoulder. “Remus!” Virgil yelped and struggled in his grip. “Off we go to the piss-yellow road!” Remus cackled as Virgil groaned.

~~~~~~~~~

“Will you put me down now?” Virgil asked from his place on Remus’ shoulder. They had been walking for a little while and his stomach had started to get sore.

“Mhhhh nope!” Remus replied cheerfully while he shifted Virgil’s position.

“Why not? Your shoulder is not comfortable and I can’t fight like this.” “That’s the point! We don’t need to fight right now. As long as you’re attached to me you’re fine. I’ll put ya down when we get to Roman’s side.” “Which is how much longer?” “Not too long.”

“Very reassuring,” Virgil spat out sarcastically before sighing and just got comfortable. Remus hummed a sea shanty under his breath as he walked.

A little while later Remus stepped into the meadow right near the border with a whisper of, “wow.” “What? I can’t see.” “Look down.” “What?” “Look down.” Virgil sighs but looks down at the grey dying grass, “holy shit.” “I know,” Remus shifted to let Virgil down, “that’s not a good sign. We gotta hurry and look out for falling crumbling rubble and of course my little nightmares,” Remus grinned.

“Of course. It can never be that easy,” Virgil huffed and stepped to bolt into the kingdom. Remus not too far behind him with his morning star at attention.

~~~~~~~~~

“Next time,” Virgil panted, “just tell your nightmares to fuck off.” “But this was so much more fun!” Remus chirped with his morning star on his shoulder.

“Ugh,” He doubled over for a moment before standing straight up again and walks into the castle with another groan, “you’ve got to be kidding me!”

Remus cackled at the thorns, “sleeping beauty? Where’s the dragon?” Just as Remus uttered those words the ground started to rumble. Virgil glared at him, “you just had to open your fat mouth!” “Well I open it for-” “Don’t you dare finish that statement,” he snarled and dashed towards the left where there were fewer thorns for him to cut through, “you can deal with whatever that is!”

“Fair enough!” Remus cackled and turned to go outside where there was a thundering roar.

Virgil huffed and cut his way to Roman’s room in the castle where he was not. He sighed, “okay einstein, where would he be?” 

He started checking all of the rooms he passed with no luck in finding Roman. He walked back to the throne room, or thorn room now. Virgil looked over where the thorns were the thickest, around the throne. It was quiet inside aside from the ticking of a clock. A clock? He looked around for it and found it at the top of the tower of thorns before it flattened to create a ceiling. Could he be up there? Virgil looked for any sign he was up there but finds nothing. He sighed heavily before a glint to the side caught his eye. On the throne was a figure of stone but the glint of a sword at the statue’s side lured him closer. He hissed in pain when a throne vine grabbed his wrist. Virgil cut the vine and continued trudging forward to the statue. The thorn vines continued to slice at him even as he cut them down. He was panting once more when he got to the thorn column. Virgil raised his weapon to carefully slice through the column. He reached his hand through the incision he made and barely brushed his fingers against the statue’s. He couldn’t see the statue’s face but he could see the sleeve, “Roman…” The statue didn’t move, of course. Virgil cursed under his breath and forced his body through the column even if it caused the thorns to drag across his body. He made a small noise of surprise when he fell into Roman’s lap. He took a breath before pressing a soft kiss to the edge of Roman’s mouth. Virgil laughed softly when it didn’t work, “of course. This isn’t a fairytale. I can’t just magically make it better for you. I wish you had talked to me or even someone else. I want to help. You helped me so much and I should’ve checked on you. I went through hell to get here Roman. Please come back to us…” He sighed and moved to get up from where he was, “I’m sorry we didn’t protect you, Roman.” Virgil shook his head as he swallowed the lump in his throat and turned to leave and tell Remus he failed. He jumped as a weight was pressed to his back and arms wrapped around his waist. “V?” Came the weak and rough question. “Roman!” Virgil turned to hug him tightly even if it caused him to wince, “you’re okay. I got you.” “I’m tired,” he mumbled into Virgil’s chest. “Alright princey. Let’s get you home, okay?” “Mhm,” Roman’s breathing was slow and even which made Virgil chuckle before picking him up. “Rest now princey. I’m not going anywhere,” he reassures but Roman was already asleep. The ticking had stopped as Virgil walked out of the castle and back to Roman’s room.

[judediangelo75]

Everybody Cries Sometimes...

Hello everyone,

Normally I would have an explanation of some sort before the start of a story with more life but I’m like legit tired. Something going on with me and I have not the slightest clue what it is.

No real past between the two, but the story for Judith is still relatively the same.

Talbott doesn’t know about her dead father, so he didn’t follow her to the graveyard.

I’ll say this is the beginning of 6th year and they’re not together as of yet. But they went on dates and whatnot. 

Just a fair warning: There will be a suicide attempt.

That’s all.

Here’s the song that goes with the story: Everybody Cries Sometimes by Damien Dawn (also part of Judith’s playlist).

And a bonus song: Right Here by Ashes Remain

Enjoy the story guys.

-------------

If you were to ask Talbott to describe Judith Harris in one word, he would tell you,

“Strong.”

Despite being sorted into house that others would view as a doormat, Judith has proven to be one not to be trifled with.

She stood up to Merula back in their first year at Hogwarts.

She took on the Cursed Vaults alongside her best friend, all in an effort to find their brothers and to save the students at Hogwarts.

She was Hufflepuff’s star Beater, mentee of Erika Rath, Ravenclaw’s feared Beater.

She’s even physically broken up fights, despite her size.

There’s more to her than her physical strength. But her mental strength as well.

She acted as a big sister to her younger House mates. Even creating a small tradition to sing a song to the Hufflepuffs every once and awhile throughout the year. She mainly does it for the first years, who come to love her for welcoming them. Talbott has heard her sing this song in the Courtyard  in his Animagus form once to the new Hufflepuffs and never felt more at peace listening to the sound of her voice.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZtUA9_ID0U

She was always looking out for others. 

Her friends.

The professors.

Random people from other houses.

Even to people who she dislikes.

She’s not afraid to provide emotional support to someone and listen to their problems, even if it takes hours.

Talbott can attest to this himself.

---------

~Year 5~

Talbott tossed and turned in his bed, small whimpers escaping the Animagus as he was gripped in a nightmare.

The night that his parents died.

All of it felt real.

The sounds of the Death Eaters trying to break into his home. 

The sight of his dad’s grave face and his mum’s tears.

The last warm hug he received from them before they urged him to escape from his bedroom window on the second floor.

The tortured cries of his parents that rang in his ears as he watched them die from one of the Unforgivable Curses from the air.

The feeling of guilt, sorrow, anger and weakness threatening to swallow him whole as he flew away from the scene.

Talbott awoke with a gasp, sweat clinging onto this skin and tears flowing from his sightless eyes as he try to take in his surroundings.

‘I’m in my dorm at Hogwarts... I’m safe...’ he thought to himself as he struggled to calm his erratic heart. 

This was the 4th time this week that he’s had this nightmare. The O.W.L.S. were just a week away and he felt the dread building at the sheer idea of it.

What if he failed his O.W.L.S.?

He needed to get an Exceeding Expectations or better in order to qualify for his N.E.W.T.S. so he can become an Auror. 

He felt like he failed his parents because he wasn’t able to protect them. At least as an Auror, he can prevent another child from the experience he went through many years ago. 

He wiped his wet face and groaned. He needs to get out for awhile.

Slipping on a random shirt and tucking his wand in his pajama pant pocket, he opened the window to his room. Breathing in the brisk air, he sighed softly before transforming into his Golden Eagle form and took off. 

He didn’t check the time but it suspects that it’s some kind of early hour in the morning. He flew around the sleepy castle a few times before going to the Black Lake. 

Landing in front of a giant boulder on the shore, he transformed back and watched the still waters. 

He wished he could feel that state of calm himself, the unbearable feeling of distress and fear made him feel like he was going to burst any moment.

Hot tears burned his eyes as his nightmare replayed in his mind. Sobs threatened to choke him as the salty tears ran down his face. He almost gave into his sorrow and bawled his eyes out on the shore.

Almost.

His sensitive ears picked up faint footsteps approaching and he quickly took out his wand, ready to defend himself.

He saw a silhouette of a person just a few feet away.

“S-Stop.” He mentally cursed himself for the weak stutter in voice when he said this command. Nonetheless, the person did listen and stopped where they were.

“Who are you and what are you doing here?” The person didn’t say anything for a few moments. Just as Talbott was about to repeat his question, he heard a familiar voice.

“Talbott?” The Ravenclaw wizard went stiff.

“J-Judith?” Sure enough, the Hufflepuff witch approached closer where he could properly see her. A black giant fluffy blanket was wrapped around her shoulders, whilst badger slippers covered her feet.

Talbott fought the urge to chuckle. As odd as her footwear was, it was kinda cute.

“Judith, what are you doing here,” he asked as she kneeled beside him. He prayed that she couldn’t hear how hoarse his voice was.

“Couldn’t sleep,” she simply said as she studied him. There were a few times where people could make him uncomfortable, and this is one of them. 

“Wha-”

“You’ve been crying.” Talbott immediately shut his mouth at hearing this. And she wasn’t questioning this, no.

She was stating the obvious.

His silence was all she needed to know that she was right.

Gently, she cupped his face so he can look her in the eye. He saw concern in the pools of molten gold and felt his resolve weakening.

“I’m fi-” A slender finger pressed against his cold chapped lips, gold eyes still piercing into his soul.

“Talbott, if you need to cry, then cry. I’m right here.” As if she said an incantation to a spell, tears sprang back up and he cried.

Cried as if he was 9-year-old little boy again.

Judith said nothing as he bawled his eyes out. She silently wrapped her blanket around the both of them before hugging the Ravenclaw wizard closer to her. She guided his head to lay on her full chest and carefully ran her fingers through his messy bed head. Unconsciously, the weeping teen hugged her by her waist, giving into the warmth and comfort being offered to him.

Who knows how long they stayed like that, but eventually Talbott’s sobs died down. Talbott finally noticed their position and blushed ferociously.

He’s never been this close to a girl like this, and the only witch he really showed interested in was her.

But he admits that he felt comfortable like this.

She felt warm and soft. Her ever present and unique scent wrapped around him like a security blanket. Her steady heartbeat was slowly becoming his favorite melody.

He felt safe in her embrace.

He panicked a bit when he felt her shift, clinging onto her with a silent whimper. Judith hushed him gently.

“I’m not going anywhere, Talbott. Just trying to get more comfortable. Here.” Talbott’s world flipped on it’s axis for a few seconds before it came back in focus again.

Judith was now laying against the boulder with Talbott laying on top of her. His head was on top of her chest again while he felt himself being cradled by her thighs. 

Talbott can partially feel his ears turning red...

The girl let out of soft chuckle before giving him a kiss on his forehead.

“You’re so cute, Sweets...” Talbott huffed and opted not to answer. Especially at the nickname. He instead resettled his arms around her waist again and focused on listening to her heartbeat. Slowly, he felt the exhaustion starting to sink in.

Maybe it was the late hour starting to catch up with him.

Maybe it was because he was emotionally drained.

Or maybe it was because of the warmth radiating from his crush and how her heartbeat had to be the most soothing lullaby he’s heard in years...

Whatever the reason, Talbott felt his eyes started to weigh themselves down and eventually fell asleep.

The sun was just starting to peak over the horizon the next time he opened his eyes. Let out a loud yawn, he took in his surroundings.

He was still on the shore of the Black Lake but Judith was nowhere in sight. He thought that he dreamed the whole encounter until he realized how warm he was. 

Her black blanket was still wrapped around him. 

She must’ve left to sneak back into her common room but didn’t want to disturb him. Or leave him here to freeze his tail feathers off.

Talbott thought back to their interaction.

Not once did she try to pry information out of him. 

Instead, she just stayed and comforted him.

A small smile found its way to his lips as he brought the blanket up to his nose and breathed.

Coconuts, cocoa butter, and vanilla. 

Oh so perfectly her.

--------

The next few days passed quickly. During the week of their O.W.L.S., he visited the shore of the Black Lake in the early hours of the morning. 

Surprisingly enough, Judith would be there too. As if she suspected him to be there.

He tried to give her back her blanket once, but she insisted that he keep it.

“I have plenty in my dorm. I’m not gonna freak out if one was missing.”

Talbott was silently thankful for this, seeing how being wrapped up in her blanket has helped him sleep easier during that week. 

Not that he’s willing to tell her that.

Or that he brings it with him to the lake so they could cuddle under it (and so she can imprint her scent on the fluffy sheet).

During that week, they spent some time talking about anything that came to mind.

One night he felt brave enough to admit to her what happened that night she found him.

--------

“I was having a nightmare about my parents’ death,” he mumbled against her chest. It was night after they’ve taken their Transfiguration O.W.L.S. They were wrapped up in the black blanket Talbott brought with him. Talbott laid on top of the Hufflepuff, his head resting over her chest. Judith was lazily running her fingers through his hair again and it took a lot of willpower not to preen at her gentle touch.

Much to his disappointment, she suddenly stopped after he spoke.

He really didn’t realize how touch deprived he was until her. Oh how spoiled he was when it comes to her affections.

“Do you wanna talk about it, Sweets,” she asked quietly. Talbott bit his lip at this.

He trusted Judith. A whole lot.

She’s kept his secret about being an Animagus and she never pushed him if he didn’t want to talk or if he wanted to be alone.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” she said, running her fingers through his hair again. Talbott melted against her once again.

He could trust her with this.

“I was 9 years old at the time. It was just another day for me. Despite the wizarding war, my parents made sure I still had a good childhood. But it was their defiance to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named that ruined it for me...” Judith listened attentively to his tale.

“We heard them before they reached us. My dad was quick to barricade the doors and windows before they could reach our home. There was no way for us to outrun them without them catching us. My father tried urging my mother to leave with me through my bedroom window on the second floor. But she didn’t wish to leave him behind. Besides they knew that she was an Animagus and would’ve spotted her trying to fly away...” Judith pursed her lips. Talbott explained to her why he didn’t want to register to the Ministry but now it made more sense. If they knew of his form, they’ll be on the hunt for it.

“I can still hear the harsh bangs and cruel laughter of the Death Eaters trying to break into our home. I was clutching onto my mum like a lifeline, doing my best not to make a sound. It was then that the both of them hugged me tight and told me that they loved me. They whispered to me to escape through my bedroom window before urging me upstairs. I wanted to stay, but I knew they will never allow me to. The Death Eaters broke in just as I opened my window. I quickly flew out and stayed among the trees. I-I saw...” Talbott  began to feel his throat close up on him. He felt the arm around his back squeeze him for a few moments. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves.

“I saw them drag my parents out. Th-they casted Crucio on them repeatedly. It was terrible, Judith... To see them withering on the ground, screaming and crying out in pain as those Death Eaters laughed at their misery is something I don’t think I’ll ever forget. My mum actually spotted me by the tree line. Despite the tears of pain swimming in her eyes, she gave me one last smile before mouthing ‘I love you’. That’s when one Death Eater decided they had enough fun and used Avada Kedavra on them. The empty look in my parents eyes was the last thing I saw before I flew away,” he whispered. He didn’t realize he was crying until Judith cupped his face so he can look her.

Her thumbs brushed against his tear stain cheeks. Talbott noted the callouses on her fingertips but her touch was gentle. Loving.

Her eyes were soft and understanding. 

“It’s not your fault, Talbott.” The boy’s brows furrowed in confusion. How did she-

“You probably believed that you could’ve made a difference. If only if you were older and had a wand. If only you had the strength to move mountains. If only you stayed. But understand it’s not your fault. You were a scared child who wanted to be with his parents. But your parents wanted more for you. That’s why your mother taught you how to become an Animagus. Why they sacrificed their lives for you. They wanted a future for you and you plan on using your future to protect others from dark witches, wizards, and Death Eaters so no child can go through what you did. To protect those who you are close to. And that’s your way of honoring their memory. You’re allowed to mourn over them, we all grieve differently and at different paces. But don’t let the “if only”‘s haunt you, Talbott.” 

Judith might as well write his whole life story. She was able to tell all of that by how, looking into his eyes?

Talbott wasn’t sure but he was grateful.

Grateful for having this girl in his life. 

“T-thank you, little bird,” he whispered. The most beautiful smile spread on those plump lips. Her mystical gold eyes kind as ever.

“Anything for you, bird boy...” Talbott let out a shaky exhale as he felt her soft lips kiss his forehead, lingering against his cold skin. Judith pulled back a little and Talbott was quick to cling onto her.

Their faces was really close.

Breaths mingling with one another’s.

Shy red eyes locking with patient gold ones.

“J-Judith...” The girl hummed softly.

“Yes, Talbott?” Talbott nervously swiped his tongue over his chapped lips. He was curious...

It’s not the first time he’s kissed her. Though it was always on the cheek. He never felt bold enough to kiss her on the lips...

Until now...

“I-I-I was wondering...” Judith waited silently for him to finish. He was thankfully it was dark out so she couldn’t see the blush on his face...

“C-Can I... Can I kiss you,” he rushed out before he could chicken out. 

A moment passed.

Then another.

And yet another. 

Judith had yet to say anything and Talbott could feel his blush spreading to the tips of his ears.

Judith let out a soft chuckle.

“Of course you can, Sweets.” Talbott blinked at her.

Did he hear that correctly?

Did she really just give him permission to-

A soft gasp escaped the Ravenclaw male as Judith lightly pressed her lips against his.

Soft was the first thing that came to mind. Her lips were really soft.

Talbott can feel his heart pounding against his chest as he stared wide eyed at the Hufflepuff witch. 

‘This was really happening...’ Talbott’s eyes fluttered closed and just as he was about to respond, Judith pulled away. A whine threatened to pass his throat.

“Why did you pull away,” he whispered, pushing his face closer to her’s. Judith blushed at the slightly husky tone in his voice.

“I... I thought you changed your mind. You weren’t responding...” Talbott couldn’t help but to smirk a little. Very rarely does Judith show signs of shyness.

It was cute...

“I’m sorry, little bird. I was a bit dazed is all... May I...” He left the question open in the air, waiting for her response. Judith’s arms slowly wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer still.

Their lips were a hair breadth apart.

The look in Judith’s eyes were absolutely smoldering.

“Kiss me, Talbott...”

She didn’t need to tell him twice.

-----------

They spent a good amount of time on the shore snogging that night before falling asleep in each other’s arms. Talbott found the taste of her vanilla bean chapstick positively addicting.

She was addicting.

It eventually became a routine for them.

A few times during the week, they would sneak out on the shore and huddle together under the stars. They would talk, laugh, kiss or just sit in silence.

Talbott loved the private time they had together. 

But then everything changed.

After breaking the Portrait Curse, Judith stopped coming to the shoreline. He never had the time to question her on her absence since everyone wants the Hufflepuff’s attention. 

The last time he really saw her was at the end of the year feast. Despite the smile on her face, he saw the faraway look in those gold eyes.

They all came back from summer break to start their 6th year. The faraway look was still present in her eyes.

Along with loneliness, sadness and pain.

Talbott was determined to find out what was wrong with his little bird.

He knew this was a stretch but it was possible that she was visiting the lake shore way before he did. It just so happened he was there that night when she came. Because they were together on certain days of the week, then she must spend other days alone.

He would just have to catch her at the right time.

It didn’t take long. 

Talbott was hiding behind a boulder in his Golden Eagle form when he saw the girl approach. Her usual sleepwear, which consisted of a wife beater and shorts, clothed her frame. It was still relatively warm from the summer months, but can get a bit chilly when the breeze passes by. 

She sat at their usual spot not too far away from him, staring out at the water. 

Until he heard it.

A heartbroken sob.

Her small frame was wrecked with sobs as she cried freely. The Ravenclaw wizard was left stunned.

After all these years of knowing her, never once has he seen her cry. 

And so strongly.

He felt his heart ache for the girl he started to fall in love with.

The girl suddenly stood and Talbott suddenly got a bad feeling.

“...better off gone...” was all he heard. Before the girl dashed into the water, sinking beneath the surface.

Talbott didn’t remember transforming back in his human form but next thing he knew he was underwater with the bubble spell around his head. He struggled to see under the dark murky water. Fear gripped his heart as he swam around to search for the girl. It wasn’t until he saw movement to his left. 

Grindylows were making their way to the vulnerable witch, who was sinking fast below him. Talbott was quick to swim in front of her and cast Flipendo on the vicious water demons. Taking the free opportunity, Talbott quickly grabbed the Hufflepuff and swam to the surface. 

Quickly making his way to the shore, he laid Judith down to examine her. His fingers tried to find a pulse.

A faint one was present but her chest wasn’t moving. Talbott tried to clear his mind from the panic that threaten to overtake him as he tried to do chest compressions to restart her heart.

“C’mon, don’t do this to me Judith... I already lost my parents, I can’t lose you too,” Talbott pleaded. Pinching her nose, he parted her mouth and place his on top of her’s. He blew air into her, trying to bring her back.

It wasn’t after a few tries when she finally responded. He felt her body tense up and turned her over just as she spat out the water from her lungs.

She coughed and wheezed, tears building in her eyes as much needed oxygen flooded her system. Talbott never strayed from her side, rubbing her back and offering silent support.

Wiping her eyes, Judith turned to her unexpected savior just to have her blood run cold.

“Tal-” a pair of lips crashed onto her’s, knocking her on her back. Talbott rained kisses all over her face.

Cheeks.

Forehead.

Temple.

Nose. 

Lips. 

Chin.

Anywhere his lips could reach.

She was alive.

She was still here with him.

He eventually pulled back to look at the flushed girl underneath him.

“Why,” she quietly asked. Talbott rose a brow, waiting for her to elaborate.

“Why are you here? Why did you save me?” Her eyes looked tired as she said this. Talbott backed off her so he could pull her into his arms.

“I love you,” he whispered into her wet curls. Judith stiffened.

“Don’t tell me that.” Her voice came out colder than expected, and surprisingly came with a foreign accent. Talbott didn’t back down from this.

“But it’s true. I love you, Judith.” The girl struggled against him, but Talbott had a firm hold on her.

“No! Shut up! Just shut up! You have no idea what you’re talking about! Everyone who says that...” The girl trailed off as she sniffled. Talbott waited for his little bird to finish. Judith whimpered as she finally gave into her tears.

“Everyone who says that always end up leaving me alone,” she bawled into his chest. Talbott squeezed the girl tighter to his chest, letting her cry.

‘It’s always the people who are there for others that feel the most alone...’ Talbott silently mused as he rubbed the girl’s back in attempts to soothe her. He discreetly casted a drying spell on both of them so they wouldn’t catch a cold.

Her sobs turned into sniffles and small hiccups.

“I-I-I wasn’t like this,” she mumbled. Talbott nodded, placing a small kiss to her hairline, quietly encouraging her to continue.

“Once upon a time, I was happy. I’m not originally from Britain but an island called Barbados... It was my father’s homeland. My homeland. I was happy there. Carefree even. It all changed when I was 6. My grandmother, Mercy, died. She was the maternal figure in my life since my mother moved back to Europe after she had me. After her funeral, my father and I moved to Britain. I hated it. The land was cold and so were the people who lived there. I was made fun of because of my accent and my hair. My mother didn’t approve of how my father raised me and decided to do it herself. She taught me how to hide my accent and what’s appropriate to wear while here. If I did anything that wasn’t to her approval, she would beat me. Which left me with multiple scars. My father and brother never knew. I was lucky enough to find a friend in Brooke to make everything bearable... but it only lasted for so long. Our brothers ran away just two weeks after my 9th birthday. Not too long after that, my father fell ill with a heart virus,” Judith paused to take a breath. Nobody knew about this. With the exception of her best friend, of course.

After spending some time with the boy holding her, she felt like she could trust him with this...

“I was the one whole found him. He collapsed on his knees, coughing up blood. Other professional Healers told him that there was nothing that could do for him. I was determined to help him get better. My father was a Healer himself. He taught what he knew to help treat his ailments when he couldn’t do it himself. His little Healer, he fondly called me,” Judith chuckled at the memory before sighing.

“As the Healers said, there was nothing that could be done for him. He died on his birthday, which was weeks after my brother’s disappearance. We sang a song he taught me when we lived in Barbados while I sat on his lap. He died while I was in his arms...” 

Talbott now fully understood how Judith knew how felt when she found him on the lake shore their first night together. She knew how he felt because she understood it herself. She must’ve felt the same he did when she couldn’t save her father from dying, even though it was out of her control.

“Judith...”

“Let’s not forget brother dearest.” The girl wasn’t done. Talbott fell quiet again as the girl got the remaining weight off her chest.

“Seven years, Talbott. Seven years I haven’t seen my older brother. Hearing news that he’s dead somewhere. That he joined He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Seven years of being compared to him. That I’ll go mad just like him. That I’ll make my House a disgrace just like him. That I’ll be expelled just like him. To finally find him again was something close to a miracle. To have a member of my family back again. All for it to blow up in my face. He ran off as soon as he heard about Rakeprick and I never heard from him since. I didn’t get a chance to tell him about Papa. He left me in that Vault to go back to Hogwarts without him... To hear that I can’t seem to hold onto anyone anymore broke me...” Judith fought against the tears that wanted to resurface. 

She looked up into those red eyes that never failed to my her heart sigh.

“Don’t you see, Talbott? Everyone who loved me left me alone. I don’t think I can take the idea of you leaving me too,” she said softly. Talbott caressed his little bird’s cheek, watching her nuzzle his hand.

“Your grandmother and your father didn’t wish to leave willing, little bird. They would probably still be here today if they could. While I can’t speak for your brother, I can speak for myself. I will never leave you, Judith. Never willing. I love you too much to do so. I will always do my best to be by your side. To help heal the brokenness within you. To love you when you come undone. When you feel like you can no longer be strong in front of everyone, you can always come to me. I’ll be there to hold you for as long as you need,” He whispered. 

Judith whimpered and pulled him closer. Talbott leaned in and kissed her.

Soft petal-like kisses were exchanged. Judith was shaking like a leaf. Talbott’s hands caressed her curvy body to help soothe her anxieties. Judith finally pulled away a little to look into the young wizard’s eyes.

“I love you, Talbott.” The boy gave her a small smile. A smile he only reserves for her.

“I love you too, Judith...” The girl cuddled up against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. The sound of it paired with his slow breathing helped the Hufflepuff fall asleep. 

“I’ll always be right here, little bird,” he whispered, kissing her forehead before falling asleep himself.

Everyone needs someone. 

Luckily they had each other.

[wordofrecall]

character playlists: ori

so. let’s do this. my playlists are long and scattered, but they make me happy, so i might as well share them and the thoughts behind song choices. so. here’s some songs for runaway knights & wannabe witches, and what have you.

something holy - childhood & riches & wonders

pearl diver - mitski - oh hunter, if you didn’t want the beautiful so badly, perhaps you would’ve found it in your spirit singing softly - look. it's on the nose, considering that her title is "the pearl hunter," but also, like, that rules. this is a song for wren, i think; ori in the present reflecting on her mother and the similarities between them.

icicles - the scary jokes - i can only be forgiven if i’m giving myself up to you on a silver serving tray / must i bare myself to the stabbing of your knife & gnashing teeth while our lovely company appears so entertained? - aaand a song for childhood. 99% of ori's socialization came from her parents having important guests over, so. uh. yeah. show off your reclusive child prodigy like a pageant whenever you have the opportunity. she probably won't grow to loathe you.

life: the cruel interlude (on god) - kilo kish - why do i dare believe in me when i bleed? - questioning was. always a big thing for ori. i don't think she ever believed that the mirzha was god, and i known that she never truster her father's patron, but. in her studies, in her passions, there's always this tiny sense of desperation for something to have faith in something. not herself.

bluejays & cardinals - the mountain goats - the stars come out of hiding for you, & i would too - there is. a lot, in ori's relationship with her brother. she was the favorite child, yeah, the one destined for great things in spite of her... troubles. but he never had those troubles! she didn't, doesn't understand how he went through life so unafraid. there's envy there. i also think that the line i quoted is terribly true, like, canonically. because. she sure did do that stupid shit.

be calm - fun. - take it from me, i’ve been there a thousand times--you hate your pulse because it thinks you’re still alive! - sometimes you have intense social phobia. and that's okay!

country death song - violent femmes - kiss your mother goodnight & remember that God saves, kiss your mother goodnight & remember that God saves - i think andrei is a much less pitiable or even sympathetic man than the narrator of this song, but. like. it's a country song about a father killing his daughter while preaching godliness. i had to.

i’m all bloody inside - liam lynch - inside me, well, it’s dark & gross as hell, i’m not a pretty sight - the family business!

the hazards of love 3 (revenge!) - the decemberists - but father, don’t you fear, your children are all here - fantasies. part of the fantasy is imagining a world where she doesn't feel terrible about the thought.

shankill butchers - sarah jarosz - they used to be just like me & you, they used to be sweet little boys - "blood hunters are ghost stories." "and also, they're fucking terrible. violent, cruel, zealous. the worst."

sparrow - st. vincent - & no eyes are on the sparrow, eyes are on the sparrow, how could that be the case? the lark keeps whistling his number, silly little number, as if he isn't prey - pity for the boy. sort of retrospective, but it's a thought that's been there since she was a child.

something burning - rituals & fire & running

starchild - ghost quartet - but i will transcend & vomit this loser out of me; i will become the next big thing, i will light myself on fire - maybe she is some kind of angel? bursting with radiance and terrifying to look upon.

arsonist’s lullabye - hozier - don’t you ever tame your demons, always keep them on a leash / when i was sixteen, my senses fooled me - oooor maybe she is a sixteen year-old who is having a panic attack and setting everything in sight on fire by accident.

blood - my chemical romance - i’m the kind of human wreckage that you love! - so she's broken.

girl anachronism - the dresden dolls - it’s not the way i’m meant to be, it’s just the way the operation made me - so she's failed and she's broken and she's sick, and there's no time to fucking think.

when the chips are down - anais mitchell - cast your eyes to heaven, you’ll get a knife in the back. - so she does what her mother did before her, and she runs from that which she has always known.

body terror song - ajj - i’m so sorry that you have to have a body / one that will hurt you, & be the subject of so much of your fear - feelings on being built Wrong; feelings on your mind's undue control upon your body.

in corolla - the mountain goats - & no one was gonna come & get me, there wasn't anybody gonna know, even though i leave a trail of burnt things in my wake every single place i go - very good as an ori song in general but this is her justification to herself in the water. under the docks, she says this to herself.

the harrowed & the haunted - the decemberists - will i be so brave? - just to get that oceanic vibe up.

luna - the mountain goats - rise through the flames & end again in flames at last - an inexplicable feeling.

unwhere - reeder - a song for leaving what you've always known.

something lonely - years & woods & dreaming

runs in the family - amanda palmer - run from their pity, from responsibility, run from the country & run from the city, i can run from the law, i can run from myself, i can run for my life, i can run into debt, i can run from it all, i can run 'till I'm gone - she is broken and all she can think to do is get as far away as possible

panic attack - liza anne - i hate that i can be seen like this

black eyes - david wirsig - my hammering heart hears the voices of spirits that tempt us, the scorn that they’ve spoken

for the departed - shayfer james - they will bury me alive, but i’m not inclined to care; i am too far gone now

hurt - johnny cash - everyone i know goes away in the end; you can have it all, my empire of dirt

my body’s made of crushed little stars - mitski - i work better under a deadline! i work better under a deadline!

blood in the cut - k. flay - guess i’m contagious; it’d be safest if you ran--fuck, that’s what they all just end up doing in the end

little pistol - mother mother - i think i might be scared of the world & the way it makes you feel afraid & how it gets in the way

villains pt. 1 - emma blackery - built to create, designed to destroy

the beer - kimya dawson - & the christians gave me comic books as if i would be scared of burning in hell while i was already there [...] i tried to scream fuck you but blood was pouring out my mouth

something safe - family & finding it & fighting together

haunted house - sir babygirl - i’m running just to hide & i’m hiding just to breathe & around every corner is the same night on repeat

your heart is a muscle the size of your fist - ramshackle glory - i love you & you make me glad to be alive; i promise that i’m gonna pay you back / you always know how funny everything is, even when i’m so serious that it’s gonna be the death of me

medicines - the taxpayers - o, but our rotting corpses lying there soon began to leak & grow these lesions that all smelled just like a rose / & all the blood & guts inside us germinated into timeless pages stained with lines of lovely prose

autoclave - the mountain goats - i am this great unstable mass of blood & foam

alligator skin boots - mccafferty - i’m cool to the touch, leap to my death, i’ll die for you all, i’ll die for my friends, it goes like this

100 years - florence + the machine - lord, don’t let me break this, let me hold it lightly, give me arms to pray with instead of ones that hold too tightly

tomorrow will be kinder - the secret sisters - but i feel warmth on my skin, the stars have all aligned

armour - rae spoon - you know i placed was to build a life for you

amy aka spent gladiator 1 - the mountain goats - play with matches if you think you need to play with matches; seek out the hidden places where the fire burns hot & bright / find where the heat’s unbearable & stay there if you have to--don’t hurt anybody on your way up to the light, and stay alive

curses - the crane wives - won’t you stay with me, my darling, when my walls start burning down?

something daring - islands & visions & loss

jane’s dream - janelle monáe

beekeeper - keaton henson - hear me, o woman that has gone astray, gone astray

fire - kimya dawson - i’m reading books about how they’re corrupt [...] as long as i’m burning, i’ll keep on yearning to save the world, not sure how, but i’m learning

cosmic hero - car seat headrest - i love you, but i can’t stand the touch, & of course i’m alright with death

turn the lights off - tally hall - everbody likes to get taken for turns to see how bright the fire inside of us burns [...] should be stronger, books abandoned

eat you alive - the oh hellos - child, i’m afraid for your soul; these things that you’re after, they can’t be controlled

cry for judas - the mountain goats - hallucinate a shady grove where judas went to die

o death - monica martin - no wealth, no land, no silver, no gold, nothing satisfies me but your soul

blood of angels - brown bird - and i would wage my soul to bet that there ain’t no one throwing lightning anyhow

the universe is going to catch you - the antlers - the arms of the universe kept you from falling [...] those arms did not come back

a burning hill - mitski - i am the fire & i am the forest & i am the witness watching it / i stand in the valley watching it

something terrifying - conversations & selfhood & divination

the lamb - dessa - but blood is blood, & what’s done is done; blood is blood, & its burden is a beast

going invisible 2 - the mountain goats - i’m gonna burn it all down today & sweep all the ashes away

the lion’s roar - first aid kit - she plays a tune for those who wish to overlook the fact that they’ve been blindly deceived by those who preach & pray & teach, but she falls short & the night explodes in laughter

the villain i appear to be - connor spiotto - even if you can’t see the good inside me, i don’t have the time to tell you why i do the things that i do, just please hold on & soon you’ll seem

up the wolves - the mountain goats - there’s bound to be a ghost at the back of closet, no matter where you live; there’ll be a few things, maybe several things that you’re gonna find really difficult to forgive

thursday girl - mitski - glory, glory, glory to the night that shows me what i am

at the bottom of everything - bright eyes - we must take all of the medicines to expensive now to sel; set fire to the preacher who is promising us hell

everybody does - julien baker - i know i’m a pile of filthy wreckage you will wish you’d never touched, but you’re gonna run when you find out who i am

tongues & teeth - the crane wives - i know that you mean so well, but i am not a vessel for your good intent 

a pearl - mitski - you’re growing tired of me and all the things i don’t talk about / sorry, i don’t want your touch--it’s not that i don’t want you

[remiwarner]

   ❝𝕴𝖙 𝖇𝖚𝖗𝖓𝖘 𝖆 𝖍𝖔𝖑𝖊 𝖙𝖍𝖗𝖔𝖚𝖌𝖍 𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖞𝖔𝖓𝖊 𝖙𝖍𝖆𝖙 𝖋𝖊𝖊𝖑𝖘 𝖎𝖙.❞

                    – – a Remi Warner playlist.

1. “Snufs” Kaveh, OnklP   /  (TRANSLATED)

Long fingernails, on some pimp shit Out to find a fucking nightclub to paint white Tony Montana, don’t think he accepts credit But he’ll happily give you your first hit Yo, come and get a (bump of cocaine)

And she asked me if I was keen on something And the line to the bathroom was fucking long cause all the boys were on some

2. “Day ‘N Nite” Kid Cudi

Slow mo When the tempo slows up and creates that new, new He seems alive though he is feeling blue The sun is shining, man, he’s super cool, cool The lonely nights they fade away He slips into his white Nikes He smokes a clip and then he’s on the way To free his mind in search of

Day and night, the lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night He’s all alone and through the day and night The lonely loner seems to free his mind at night At, at, at night

3. “Ain’t No Rest For The Wicked” Cage The Elephant

Oh, there ain’t no rest for the wicked Money don’t grow on trees I got bills to pay, I got mouths to feed And ain’t nothing in this world for free Oh, no, I can’t slow down, I can’t hold back Though you know I wish I could Oh, no, there ain’t no rest for the wicked Until we close our eyes for good

4. “Cold Wolves” The Gromble

‘Cause there weren’t many times that we shared a bed In the presence of strangers, you’d be sharing with them Needed protection and kept me around But I would always let you down Oh, I can always let you down

Machines keep on working I want to believe But tries are to no avail Some of us were born to fail

5. “Let It Bleed” The Used

This poison’s my intoxication I broke the needle off in my skin Picked the scabs and picked the bleeding And assumed that it was all in vain Pulled at a scab that’s never healing Callused, hit me in the face A burning bridge that’s so misleading Poison’s more potent now with the flame

Let it bleed, take the red for what it’s worth Watch the fire Fill your lungs with smoke for the last time If you feel like dying, you might wanna say

The fire department couldn’t drown the city They didn’t even try to wash it clean And what did you think – that I was sober? Put me out ‘cause I’m on fucking fire I pulled at a scab that’s never healing Regret that I kept this clean The most that I can do for you is keep on lying

6. “Prescription” Mindless Self Indulgence

I’m the doctor, I’m the patient Don’t forget that; it’s important If you love me, like I love me Everybody will be sorry

Well, I don’t need nothing before the show I don’t need nothing, well, that’s not so I need something before the show Just a little something to make me go You know what I want You know what I want Give me more, give me more Pretty please, a prescription Give me more, give me more Pretty please, a prescription

I don’t need no one screwing up my fun Over the counter, fill that prescription I don’t need no one screwing up my fun Turn down the bass and fill that prescription

Make it stop, make it stop Pretty please, a prescription Make it stop, make it stop Pretty please, a prescription

7. “Overdose” Grandson

I couldn’t find the thrill again I couldn’t seem to kill the pain I was living in the moment Searching for a little serotonin But this shit ain’t so fun now I can’t deal with the comedown I’ve been living on the run, now Oh, I gotta get out of this town somehow

‘Cause the bad’s been slowly getting worse In this fast lane, living, it’s a curse Better tell me, what’s your life worth? I think it’s time for a change ‘cause the drugs don’t work Anymore, anymore, anymore

Overdose, overdose, overdose, overdose, overdose All fun and games ‘till I hit the floor, comatose

8. “Little Lion Man” Mumford & Sons

Weep for yourself, my man, you’ll never be what is in your heart Weep, little lion man, you’re not as brave as you were at the start Rate yourself and rake yourself, take all the courage you have left And waste it on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head

But it was not your fault, but mine And it was your heart on the line I really fucked it up this time, didn’t I, my dear?

9. “Dread In My Heart” Mother Mother

There’s a godawful shitty feeling of dread in my heart Yeah, it’s got a lot to do with having to finish what I start And at any second now I think it all might fall apart ‘Cause there’s a godawful shitty feeling of dread in my heart

There’s a devil in my brain with a pitchfork and a flame Yeah, he likes to poke around and he likes to tell me things And whenever I begin to feel like I might be deranged I remember there’s a little shitty devil in my brain

Oh, I wonder what it’s like to be the type who doesn’t burn Yeah, the kind who fights the good fight Not the kind you’d find fisti-fucking-cuffing in the dirt

10. “Heavy Shit” Blake Rose

They tell me ‘why, this is all part of life, you see’ But the world keeps circling around me No, can’t seem to stop beating so hard on myself Hence all the shit I pour out Still haven’t found what I’m looking for No, all of these people keep closing doors They told me ‘you can’t keep holding all this shit to yourself Go find a way to let it pour out’

So here I am, trying to figure where it all went wrong Feel like a ghost in my own damn home Starting to wonder how I got so numb To this heavy shit I pour out Bottoming bottles in the mirror when I’m on my own Feel like I’m lost in my own damn bones Can someone tell me how I got so numb To this heavy shit I pour out?

11. “Discoloration” Dawn Golden

You took my hand and brought me down in the morning And I was sitting waiting for the telephone to swallow me whole I saw your face reflected on the resonant screen And I watched your mouth moving like a tired machine Trying to plead with me Trying to swallow me whole

It’s been a while since I’ve been gone and away And I watched your eyes reflect me in a terrible way As you cast your gaze to the flickering hall

And you knelt beside me and you started to pray And the whites of your eyes blackened with a hardened decay And you talked to me in a broken voice

‘In your open mouth Silence me in your coursing Blood in my eyes Dress me in your clothes And swallow me whole’

12. “Blue And Yellow” The Used

And it’s all in how you mix the two And it starts just where the light exists It’s a feeling that you cannot miss And it burns a hole through everyone that feels it

And you never would’ve thought in the end How amazing it feels just to live again It’s a feeling that you cannot miss And it burns a hole through everyone that feels it

Well, you’re never gonna find it if you’re looking for it Won’t come your way, yeah Well, you’ll never find it if you’re looking for it

Should’ve done something, but I’ve done it enough By the way your hands were shaking Rather waste some time with you Should’ve said something but I’ve said it enough By the way my words were fading Rather waste some time with you

13. “Past Life” Trevor Daniel

I’m trying to be honest with my happiness Don’t know why I’m bad at this And I don’t wanna settle in my sadness I know it’s a habit of mine

Perfect, perfect timing I start what I don’t know how to end Don’t re– don’t remind me I ruined it before it began

Last night was the last night of my past life Got me here like ‘you can never figure me out’ Last night was the last night, was the last time I’ll never let you figure me out Sitting here, talking to myself Thinking how I used to use you, only thing I’m used to Last night was the last night of my past life

14. “Graceless” The National

Graceless Is there a powder to erase this? Is it dissolvable and tasteless? You can’t imagine how I hate this Graceless

I’m trying, but I’m graceless Don’t have the sunny side to face this I am invisible and weightless You can’t imagine how I hate this Graceless

I’m trying, but I’m going through the glass again Just come and find me God loves everybody, don’t remind me I took the medicine and I went missing Just let me hear your voice, just let me listen

All of my thoughts of you Bullets through rotten fruit Come apart at the seams Now I know what dying means I am not my rosy self Left my roses on my shelves Take the wild ones, they’re my favorites It’s the side effects that save us Grace Put the flowers you find in a vase If you’re dead in the mind it’ll brighten the place Don’t let ‘em die on the vine, it’s a waste Grace

There’s a science to walking through windows There’s a science to walking through windows There’s a science to walking through windows There’s a science to walking through windows without you

15. “End Credits” Eden

Cigarette ash like wildfire, burning holes in the nighttime Open scars cut like barbed wire White lies flying high like a ceasefire Dropping flags on the shoreline This is as far as I can feel right ‘Cause what you don’t know can harm you

And all we ever wanted was sunlight and honesty Highlights to wanna repeat Let’s get away from here and live like the movies do I won’t mind when it’s over At least I didn’t think for a while

So let’s run, make a great escape And I’ll be waiting outside for the getaway It doesn’t matter who we are, we’ll keep running through the dark And all we’ll ever need is another day We can slow down, ‘cause tomorrow is a mile away And live like shooting stars ‘Cause a happy ending’s hardest to fake

16. “Bloody Shirt” To Kill A King

What you wanna do tonight? I got wounds to lick in life All you’ve said Standing like a stick, this tie could invert to be a noose instead

Oh, you’re lying next to me Heart is beating heavily Blood in your hair, though, oh, and blood on your shirt

It’s too late to say you’re sorry, say you’re sorry still And I stepped out with heavy heart to bail you out again All those things you do, and all those things you do

Get out, get gone, this town is only gonna get worse Get out, get gone, this town is only gonna eat you

17. “No One’s Here To Sleep” Naughty Boy, Bastille

Every carpet, every floor, everywhere I look, I fall Climbing up the walls, I’m climbing up the walls What goes on behind these doors I’ll keep mine and you keep yours We all have our secrets, we all have our secrets

Behind every door is a fall, a fall And no one’s here to sleep

You were always faster than me I’ll never catch up with you, with you Oh, I can feel them coming for me

Here’s the pride before the fall Oh, your eyes, they show it all I can see it coming, I can see it coming As I rise up through each floor Shit gets dark when you lose it all I can hear it coming, I can hear the drumming

18. “Shots” Imagine Dragons

Am I out of touch, am I out of my place When I keep saying that I’m looking for an empty space? Oh, I’m wishing you’re here But I’m wishing you’re gone I can’t have you, and I’m only gonna do you wrong

Oh, I’m gonna mess this up Oh, this is just my luck Over and over and over again

I’m sorry for everything, oh, everything I’ve done From the second that I was born, I sense I had a loaded gun And then I shot, shot, shot a hole through everything I loved Oh, I shot, shot, shot a hole through every single thing that I loved

Am I out of luck, am I waiting to break When I keep saying that I’m looking for a way to escape? Oh, I’m wishing I had what I’ve taken for granted I can’t have you when I’m only gonna do you wrong

Oh, I’m gonna mess this up Oh, this is just my luck Over and over and over again

19. “Apartment” Young The Giant

After leaving my apartment I feel this cold inside me It howls away all through the market It calls your name

On my way to your apartment I write for fear of silence You carved a boat to sail my shadow Now I walk alone Alright, alright

I hit the sidewalk, and this is how it starts Hide in a raincoat when things are falling apart

After leaving your apartment I hear the coast by nightfall So sure to keep you dreaming You understood Oh, I know you understood Yes, sir, it shows I was no good Alright, alright

I hit the sidewalk, and this is how it starts Hide in a raincoat when things are falling apart ‘Cause sooner or later this is bound to stop Come on, let’s savor What we’re falling over

20. “Munich” Editors

It breaks when you don’t force it It breaks when you don’t try It breaks if you don’t force it It breaks if you don’t try

People are fragile things, you should know by now Be careful what you put them through

People are fragile things, you should know by now You’ll speak when you’re spoken to

With one hand you calmed me With one hand I’m still With one hand you calmed me With one hand I’m still

21. “Tamer Animals” Other Lives

Oh, living for the city And it’s always troubling to keep it in the high lane I don’t care about no scenery And you run from it then Now you can’t escape

‘Cause it’s all you see But we’re all just an end to a simple thing And it’s all you see And it’s all you see

We’re just tamer animals We’re just tamer animals

22. “Silhouette” Jacob Lee

I have tried to quantify the reasons I feel incomplete I guess sometimes my wisdom it figures that’s what I need I have tried to sit beside these demons that trip up my feet I guess sometimes it’s weakness that strengthens the skin on your knees

I’ve not liked myself for quite some time now Standing at the mirror with the lights out Try to keep my shadow at a distance Scared of what it’d say if it could listen

I’ve not known myself for quite some time now Staring at the mirror with the lights out Screaming words that I should probably whisper Terrified the light above might flicker

[pileontheyears]

Misty Playlist for Misty Day

A Character Study in Insecurity and Self-Love

Green Eyes, Red Hair - Gaelic Storm

She's a cup of tea, she's a Jaegerbomb She's an angel, she's an Amazon She's a poem, she's an alphabet She's a violin with a bayonet She's a revolution, she's a peace accord She's a grain of sand, she's the Cliffs of Moher She's Friday night, she's Sunday Morning She's a fair wind, she's a sailor's warning

I think one of the main reasons I love Misty so much is she’s a bit of an oxymoron. She has so many contradicting personality traits which fleshes her character out. She’s tough but she’s vulnerable, she’s romantic but she’s abrasive, she’s outspoken but she’s insecure. Oftentimes characters and people are put into boxes, if you act one way all the others traits should act accordingly. But Misty represents how that’s not how people work, you can have completely opposite traits existing in you and that’s ok.

Insecurities - LOVA

Meet my insecurities Let’s count in one two three Not smart, not pretty like a star Not weak, not tough, not nearly good enough Meet my insecurities  Let’s count in one two three Not small, not skinny like a doll Not sleak, not rough, not nearly good enough

Misty’s childhood has shaped her into an insecure young girl. From what we know, her older sisters constantly tell her how she isn’t pretty, calling her a runt. This would be reinforced as everyone in Cerulean City would come to see them perform leaving Misty to be ignored and alone. We don’t have any information about her parents, but Misty’s sisters would be given gifts that she would later get on as hand-me-downs. It could be assumed those presents were given by their parents, so not only would Misty be left out of playing with her sisters, but her parents probably never bought her a gift of her own. All of this reinforces the negative message that Misty is not worth anything. She feels she isn’t pretty and she’s not as good as her sisters. So when anyone like Ash brings up how she isn’t pretty, it obviously brings up those insecurities that she already has. 

How Far I’ll Go - Auli’i Cravalho

I’ve been staring at the edge of the water Long as I can remember, never really knowing why I wish I could be the perfect daughter But I come back to the water, no matter how hard I try Every turn I take, every trail I track Every path I make, every road leads back To the place I know, where I can not go, where I long to be

As Misty grows up, she has this longing to go out and explore the world. Part of it comes from her insecurities, perhaps she thought she can’t be as pretty as her sisters but maybe she could become a stronger trainer. She wants to be able to prove to them and to herself that she can be worth something. Deep down, she has a genuine love for water and Pokemon and a desire to travel.

Oh No! - Marina and the Diamonds

I know exactly what I want and who I wanna be I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine I’m now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy  Oh, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh! One track mind, one track heart If I fail, I’ll fall apartMaybe it is all a test Cause I feel like I’m the worst, so I always act like I’m the best

Misty’s insecurity begins to take form in a superiority complex. Throughout her entire life, no one has told Misty she is good enough, so she gathers that if no one else will talk her up then she will. Of course, just because she says how great and beautiful she is, does not mean she actually believes it. In fact, just the opposite. Because she receives no outside validation, all of her confidence has no real meaning, her self-compliments just leave her empty. 

Dear Future Husband - Meghan Trainer

Dear future husband Here’s a few things You’ll need to know if you wanna be My one and only all my life Dear future husband If you wanna get that special loving Tell me I’m beautiful each and every night

This next portion of the playlist focuses on Misty’s outlook on romance. Misty is a huge romantic, she loves love and wants her own happily ever after. Misty’s ideal romance is full of cliches, she wants a knight in shining armor, a prince charming who will sweep her off her feet with extravagant gifts and big romantic gestures. Misty’s ideal romantic partner is just that though, he has no name or personality, he’s just someone she wants to have shower her with affection. Again this could stem from her lack of affection in her childhood, she wants someone who will tell her she’s pretty and give her the love she never got as a kid.

Use Somebody - Laura Jansen 

I’ve been roaming around Always looking down at all I see Painted faces, fill the places I can’t reach You know that I could use somebody You know that I could use somebody Someone like you, and all you know, and how you speak

The switch in Misty’s feelings, she no longer is looking for love, love has found her. We see this change when Misty could have the romantic ideal with Rudy, he’s charming, suave, and definitely would be the one to fill the role of her dream guy showering her with gifts and compliments- but that’s not what she wants anymore. Instead, she wants someone like Ash, who Misty absolutely did not picture as her ideal at all. However,  she accepts and wants him because of who he is, and isn’t that what love is all about?

Tangled Up In Me - Skye Sweetnam

You wanna know more, more, more about me Gotta know reverse psychology I’m the reason why you can’t get to sleep I’m the girl you never get just quite what you see

For all the sentimental songs on this playlist, there still is Misty’s harsh attitude towards Ash. Misty has always acted this way around him, even before realizing her feelings. Misty’s rude behavior definitely isn’t going to go away, especially when Ash is just as guilty insulting her any chance he gets. While Misty could be trying to push his buttons to get under his skin for fun, or to see how he’d react, maybe it’s just from being scared. She’s acted horribly to him, and now that she feels something more, she doesn’t want him to know. So she decides she’ll keep up appearances by just being the hot-tempered friend following him for her bike.

Things I’ll Never Say - Avril Lavigne

It don’t do me any good It’s just a waste of time What use is it to you What’s on my mind If it ain’t coming out We’re not going anywhere So why can’t I just tell you that I care

Following that same theme, this is Misty’s more vulnerable side that she’d never voice (the “Misty’s Song” of the playlist). Misty might feel like she could tell Ash how she feels about him but of course does not. Part of her feels angry and annoyed that he doesn’t seem as concerned about her as she is with him, but because of that insecurity she has it makes sense she’d think it’s no use, she has no chance. After all, he pokes fun at her appearance a lot, she feels like she already knows how he feels about her, and it’s not positive.

Better Place - Rachael Platten

But it feels like I’ve opened my eyes again And the colors are golden and bright again There’s a song in my heart, I feel like I belong It’s a better place since you came along It’s a better place since you came along

Switching from romance, Misty does feel like she’s found a family with Ash and Brock. After a childhood of not fitting in, she finally has people who love her for who she is. She can finally be herself, she doesn’t feel like she needs to measure up to anyone, she finally feels like she belongs. 

“So you’ve been traveling with Ash and Brock for a long time?" “They’re like my new family.”

Black Hole - She & Him

And it just gets so foggy It’s nowhere in here And it’s everywhere else That I don’t want to be But I’m stuck here Getting misty over you I’m alone, on a bicycle for two

The journey has to come to an end, though. Misty’s family feels like it’s breaking up, and is understandably upset when Ash seems unfazed by her upcoming departure. She doesn’t want to leave, she wants to stay with the people she’s grown to love, the people who were more like family to her than her own sisters. She rides off on her bike, alone.

Head Above Water - Avril Lavigne

And I can’t see in the stormy weather I can’t seem to keep it all together And I can’t swim the ocean like this forever And I can’t breathe God, keep my head above water I lose my breath at the bottom Come rescue me, I’ll be waiting I’m too young to fall asleep

Misty finds herself in over her head as she takes over the Cerulean Gym. Not only does she struggle with her fear of Gyarados and the possibility of the gym being shut down, but she’s also still struggling with her own insecurities. Without Ash and Brock, she doesn’t think she can be the Cerulean Gym Leader, she’s terrified of not being good enough. She nearly dies twice trying to keep the gym afloat, she literally and figuratively is drowning.

Woman - Kesha

I do what I want, say what you say I work real hard every day I’m a motherfucking woman, baby, alright I don’t need a man to be holding me too tight I’m just having fun with my ladies here tonight I’m a motherfucker

After Misty is able to handle the issues at the Cerulean Gym, she finally has a sense of validation that came from her. She was able to save the gym, not her sisters, not Ash and Brock, her. Her insecurities will never go away, but she has a sense of self-confidence that she never had. Now when she talks about herself being beautiful and strong, she means it. She doesn’t need anyone to tell her that she's worthy of love, she knows it. She’s worked hard and sees she has value, whether others see it or not.