#stayed up until like 2am doing this and then crashed and then finished it as soon as i woke up LMAO

[dear-ao3]

Can I ask for a translation on what happened in Vegas?

what didnt happen in vegas!

-carlos sainz ran over a drain cover that was not welded down 9 minutes into the first practice session. it ripped a hole through his car basically (he narrowly avoided getting royally and permanently fucked up by it) and he got a 10 place grid penalty for fixing said car

-toto wolff, the mercedes team principle, said very emphatically that carlos deserved this penalty. carlos did not in fact deserve this penalty because it was not remotely his fault.

-probably out of spite, carlos managed to finish the race above both mercedes cars

-back to practice 1, it was redflagged 9 minutes in after he crashed and it took nearly 7.5 hours for them to fix the track because they had to check all the other drain covers

-practice was already late to begin with and reportedly at 1am ish they kicked all the fans out who had bought tickets because it was "too late"

-tickets btw were over 1k USD

-practice two started sometime around 2am and didnt finish until nearly 4am

-yes, people were driving cars at over 200mph at 2 in the morning, jetlagged to hell and back. idc if you're a professional, that sounds dangerous

-the announcers were descending into madness the whole time and during practice two i think tried to talk about oceans 11 but fucked it up

-there was also the sphere. the sphere was relatively unhinged.

-the drivers didnt get back to their hotels until after the sun rose that day. and they had to race again that night

-oh also it was fucking freezing and when its freezing the cars don't work cause the tires don't warm up and the brakes don't warm up

-tires also warm up best on corners, high speed ones. the vegas track had mostly all low speed corners and really long straights. not ideal

-the pit lane exit was also smack in the middle of a really tight turn. which they would be exiting onto on cold tires with cold brakes.

-also the track looked like an upside down pig

-practice three was normal until the very end when alex albon crashed into the wall. no one was allowed to do practice starts because the session was red flagged and not resumed.

-the most notable thing to happen at qualifying was that both williams cars (which are basically tractors) managed to place p5 and p6 on the grid. especially interesting considering that logan sergeant has placed dead last in qualifying for the last several races.

-also both mclarens were at the bottom. this is not super relevant or particularly interesting but i was upset about it.

-ferrari went p1 (charles leclerc) and p2 (carlos sainz), but sainz had a 10 place grid penalty for fixing his car that had a literal hole through the bottom, so he started p12.

-weirdly, sir lewis hamilton and checo perez also started pretty far down the grid.

-anyway onto the race.

-there were so many safety cars. literally on the first lap the whole back half of the grid rammed into each other.

-then! terrifyingly! lando norris ran over a bump in the track on lap 3 or 4 i don't remember and spun several times before ramming into the wall. he sounded not ok on his radio but he got out of the car. eventually they ended up taking him to the hospital, he is quite fine but it was still a terrible crash

-his teammate, oscar piastri, seemly got possessed by someone or something, possibly lando himself, because he had a very impressive race until mclaren decided to use the worst tire strategy possible (as in, pit him in the last 10 laps to change his tires when this was largely avoidable by all accounts). he could have ended on the podium potentially if they hadn't fucked him up. still, he ended 10th and got the fastest lap and as a result the track record.

-there was also another episode of French Civil War at alpine when they told esteban ocon to stay behind his teammate, pierre gasley, and he said no !! and passed him for funzies

-charles leclerc also got possessed by something, possibly his own bad luck, because he managed to finish p2 after overtaking checo perez on the last lap.

-the same checo perez whos f1 career has been basically dead for half the season

-also lance stroll weirdly slayed

-despite starting high on the grid, both williams managed to finish out of the points

-surprisingly there were only 3 DNFs and 0 red flags

-this is surprising because of all the tire and brake issues that people thought there would be

-unsurprisingly max verstappen won. what was surprising was that he sang viva las vegas over his radio afterwards, especially surprising considering that he spent the whole weekend shitting on the race, saying that the track was terrible, he hated it, and that the fans should burn the place down for getting kicked out on practice 1 day and only getting a voucher in response

-related to that, the fans sued f1 over getting kicked out

-someone thought it was a good idea to put max charles and checo in the back of a rolls and film them driving to the podium. it was incredibly memey.

-there was definitely more that happened but this is all i can remember right now

[pricescigar]

The bodyguard Pt8

Elvira Wolff X John Price

Summary: The final act. For once and for all John and his old comrades along side Elvira, take doen Graves' once and for all.

CW: Breif description of violence

Death is something everyone has to live with, it could happen to anyone at any time. Price had been through many near death experiences, but he still couldn't shake off on what happened to him in the car crash. Hearing Elvira's screams before he fell unconscious.

Price struggled to sleep that night, there was something prodding in his mind but he didn't know what. His feelings for Elvira, wanting to eliminate Graves’. His midnight was clouded with so many feelings, he didn't know how to fully express them all. As an ex Captain of the Special Forces, he was used to all kinds of things and all feelings. Though he always bottled up his feelings in feetain situations, especially death.

Price laid his head near Elvira, wrapping his arms around her body. Hearing her faint breathing as she slept. It eased his anxiety and worries, he kept her safe and warm in his arms. The time was 2am, he knew he had to get some sleep soon. So he might as well try now… As tomorrow was going to be a long day.

Scared that he failed to protect her, scared of the fact that he almost died as well. It had been years since Price felt that kind of emotion, he turned his body slightly. Now laying down beside Elvira, watching her sleep soundly. It brought a sense of calm around him, he knew she was okay. Happy, healthy and well. It reassured him. But to fully know that, Graves would have to die.

This was the last thing Price wanted to do, to finally kill Graves. He should've done it earlier, when he had the chance to, all those months ago before he had left the SAS… But that's a different story. All he wanted to do right now was to finish the job. Graves was still a threat to Elvira's safety, and he wanted him eliminated immediately. Price knew from the back of his hand, he went back to Phillip Graves’ hideout with his men, hiding away like a coward.

Soap, Ghost, Gaz and Price himself alongside Elvira banded together, arming themselves to the teeth to finish this off once and for all. At an undisclosed location, they all gathered to where Shadow Phillip Graves’ safehouse was.

“Security seems tighter than usually is.” Soap scoped the place out with binoculars, he had his Sniper beside him. “I'll stay right here and take out as many men as I can.” He left the binoculars aside.

“He's scared shirtless, that’s why.” Ghost simply commented a small scoff left his lips, that was all he had to say really. He got his knives ready and put them in his pocket.

Price nodded in agreement. “Good idea Soap, we'll all split up, Ghost you'll stay in the shadows as always, you do your thing.” He said, to which Ghost nodded.

“Gaz there is an entrance where it's unguarded, head in there and if you see anyone take em’ out with a knife, Elvira and I will join you on the other side. He stayed silent for a moment.

“Nikolai will collect us with his helo soon, we'll just have to survive until then.” He added, looking at everyone else.

“Right…. Good luck.” Price spoke. They all nodded to each other, getting to their designated positions.

Price made sure Elvira was extra protected, of course he didn't underestimate her. But the love he had for her was more powerful than anything else, he made sure the bullet proof vest was tight enough around her body.

“You ready?” Price spoke softly, looking down at her. His eyes softened when seeing her, he always kept saying to himself: ‘please let her be okay during this mission.’

“Of course.” She smiled softly, they pressed their foreheads against one and another before Elvira nodded.

Since Gaz was going in one entry, Elvira and Price headed into the other entrance on the opposite side. Soap had no problems taking the men down quickly while they were on patrol, and Ghost peered into the darkness and used his knives to take the soldiers down.

Following Price into the building Elvira remained beside Price, keeping her pistol beside her.

“See more reinforcements Price, Ghost and I will deal with it.” Soap spoke over comms. “We'll get 'em’ off yer back.”

“Thanks Soap.” Price replied through the comms.

The dead bodies piled up bit by bit, whenever they tried to sound the alarm they were quickly killed by a bullet to the head, a Knife to the chest. You name it. The last thing they wanted to do was for the alarm to be raised, and more reinforcements would be at the ready.

Of course Ghost was frearvie with his killings, especially when it came to his knives. Some were planted in some of the soldier’s head, eyes, and even visible big scars that could be seen where had cut through the fabric.

Price knew Ghost from way back in his army days, Ghost was known for his interesting ways of torture and interrogations. And ways of killing his enemies, to a point Price respected him for it. He always got the job done.

Elvira heard a voice in the distance, a familiar southern accent, she immediately knew it was Graves. She gently tapped Price's shoulder, signalling to where Graves was.

Price nodded in agreement, he held up his M4 and walked towards the door. The voice of Graves became louder each time they got closer to the door.

“I need evac, right now.” Graves spoke, he stared down at the laptop. He was speaking to General Shepherd.

“You made a big mistake messin’ with the Wolff Family Graves, especially where Ulrich is concerned. You're lucky he didn't do anything more severe.” Shepherd's voice was stern. Clearly disappointed in Graves’ recent actions.

“Makarov wanted her, I did what I could to make it happen. Of course I didn't want them to find out it was me, hence why the cartel got involved.” Graves slammed his hands down on the desk.

“But then her bodyguard had to get involved of course, Makarov's going to have my head for this.”

Eventually the conversation ended, but now this was the perfect time to strike as Graves’ was vulnerable now. Which Price originally wanted in the first place.

“This ends now Graves.” Price quickly burst through the door, aiming his pistol at him. Elvira quickly followed and entered as well.

Graves heard Price's familiar voice, he quickly got his pistol out and aimed it at Elvira. The bullet struck her in the chest and she fell down to the floor.

“Elvira!” John was about to tend to her but he had to focus on Graves, he needed to end this once and for all.

“See John? All of this would've been easy if you would've let me just do my job.” Graves commented, aiming his pistol at him now.

“What the hell does Makarov want from Elvira?!” Price gritted through his teeth, he kept his gun aimed at Graves. “Answer me!”

Graves chuckled. “Why should I give a shit? He made me do this, and I wouldn't want to question it anyway.” He shook his head. “Would rather keep my life in tact, than fall into the wrong crowd again.”

“Bullshit, you're not telling the full story.” He still kept a firm grip on his pistol. “There's more to this…”

“Johnny we got a situation, I see Price and Graves but no Elvira. Keep that scope of Graves’ head at all cost.” Ghost spoke through the comms.

“Got ya.” Soap quickly got into a high position at the watchtower, he got his Sniper ready and lined up the optic to Graves’ head.

Soap watched the situation unfold, just in case things would get ugly. Which they quickly did, Graves lunged towards Price. With Soap's quick reflexes, he pulled the trigger.

The piercing noise rang in Price’s ears. Graves' lifeless body fell on top of Price, he quickly pushed him off of him. Looking at him with distain.

“Fucking bastard.” Price spat at him, and was finally able to focus his attention on Elvira who slowly woke up.

“You're okay… You're okay…” Price would finally breathe, hugging her closely and he slowly exhaled. She wasn't injured thank god, the bullet proof vest kept her safe, he thanked himself to make her put it on.

“Ja just about… I'm okay…” Elvira was almost thinking that Price would also be in danger…Yet Price rescued her, once again. Her Knight in shining armour.

Price smiled and he kissed her head. “Let's go back home okay?” He said, brushing a strand of her hair behind her ear.

“I can check your chest properly then, hopefully you won’t have internal bruising from the bullet impact.” He gave his signature smile.

Everyone met up outside and they left the premises together, Nikolai met them and picked them up by helicopter. Leaving the bodies as they were. Knowing now that this mess was finally over.

Elvira had fallen asleep near Price, her head on his shoulder as she slept soundly. Seeing her like this made him smile, she was finally safe. Mission accomplished .

Though, he knew at the back of his mind. Graves was right about Makarov, whatever he wants… He always gets it. And he will have his revenge, but… For now everything was in solitude.

For now at least.

"So Price..." Soap started to speak. "What did Graves say to you in that room?"

[slightlyaboveaverageiq]

Connor and the Brat {Part 13}

Brat was quickly starting to regret her decision to stay back at the condo tonight. Not because she wanted to be up Connors ass but because she was realizing there was nothing for her to do. She had already finished putting her clothes away and rearrainging a few things in her new bedroom, she had already showered and changed for bed, she had tried painting but failed to find a muse, she had mindlessly flipped through several tv channels, and had already read 2 of her books. The main thing being she had done these things over the course of several hours and she had no way of getting ahold of Connor when it was well after 1 am. She was aware she wasn’t his mother but it was extremely hurtful that he had acted all concerned about her first day out of the hospital and chose to spend it with Will. Which yes she had urged him to go out but that’s when she thought he would be out for two hours tops. Now here it was five hours later and he still wasn’t back home.

She had settled for making herself some lavender tea in hopes that it would help her sleep and was just about to pour the boiling water in her mug when the front door slammed open rather harshly and two laughs could be heard she had been so startled by the commotion she hadn’t noticed she overfilled the mug and had poured the water on her hand.

“OH FUCK!” She dropped the kettle sending it crashing to the ground before rushing tot he sink and turning the cool tap on, hissing as the water made contact with the now burned and tender flesh.

“Let me see.” Now he wanted to be concerned?? Brat looked up to see Connor walking towards her with a worried, but highly intoxicated look on his face while the woman behind him like severely annoyed she had been abandoned in favor of someone who couldn’t even make themselves a mug of tea.

“No it’s fine, I’m fine.” She told Connor snatching her hand back and allowing it to sit under the cool water and Connor stood there clearly understanding he had done something wrong but didn’t know what or how to make it better. Honestly she was just getting annoyed with the kicked puppy look especially since it was now near 2am and she was still awake.

“Connor she said she’s fine and she’s an adult I’m sure-“

“Yeah Connor don’t want to keep your booty call waiting. I would have crashed Ava and Sarah’s dinner if you had just been honest about why you wanted to go out tonight. You didn’t give a damn about this being my first night back you just didn’t want to look bad.” Brat was aware she was being mean to Connor but she honestly didn’t give a shit, honestly she just got back from a psych ward and probably needed to be watched and he couldn’t even bother to let her know he was coming back late, let alone with some random fuck. Did he not know it was rude to have sex while you roommate was home?

“I think you might need to leave Sam-“

“But Connor-“ The blonde woman started to protest but a harsh glare from the man had her snapping her mouth shut and she quickly righted her dress. “Right, goodnight Dr. Rhodes.” Brat couldn’t help but roll her eyes at how dramatic the woman was being but she could also see how ‘Sam’ probably thought she was also being dramatic.

“You’re gonna have some nasty blisters tomorrow but you should be fine. You’re right, I shouldn’t have brought Sam home with me and I’m sorry. I honestly only meant to have one drink but I just lost track of time and-“ Brat snatched her hand away and shook her head walking towards the bathroom so she could put some burn gel on it.

“It’s your house Dr. Rhodes do what you want. I just feel stupid staying awake until 2:30 in the morning being worried about you when you promised to be back and clearly nothing was wrong. I’m going to bed.” Brat was fully aware she sounded petty right now but he deserved it, he had made her worry and then had every intention of having loud drunken sex when she was trying to sleep.

“Brat I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you worried and upset I just-“

“You don’t have to give me an explanation, goodnight Dr. Rhodes.” Brat firmly shut her door signaling the end of the conversation. She could feel Connor standing there, almost as if he were debating trying to still talk to her before she had a sigh and his feet shuffling away. She watched from the crack under door as he one by one shut off all the lights only to go to his room and ultimately turn his light off as well. Brat couldn’t help the tears that were starting to well up in her eyes. She should have just accepted Connor’s apology because he did seem truly remorseful. Instead she just carried on in her pettiness like she was some jilted and scorned lover because that’s how she felt. But she wasn’t. At the end of the day he was Dr. Rhodes and she was a patient and they would have to get along if she were to keep living in his house.

[inthedayswhenlandswerefew]

Hi, I hope you’re doing well! I just came here to be upset with you over everything I’ve read in the last two days. I started with NTTF and it was angsty but HAPPY in the end! Then I made the grave mistake of reading When The World Is Crashing Down. I stayed up until 2am to finish it when I have to be awake at 5am. The tears were unstoppable. I had to remind myself it’s not real.

You are the best Aegon writer I’ve ever seen, you’re legitimately amazing. I’m willingly going to put myself through more torment to read the rest of your HOTD fics.

I’m trying to cling to the happy moments but in NTTF I loved loved loved Aegon and reader’s palm reading jokes, they ended up being so sweeet!! I was absolutely pissing myself when Trent pulled her out of the car though, genuinely had to take some deep breaths. Aemond pulling out the revolver was hot though, ate that up!

Bottom line you’re crazy talented and the work you put into your fics is evident in how good they are! I can’t wait to read more!

Going from NTTF to WTWICD is definitely some whiplash 😂 Lovely Britt, thank you so much for taking the time to send this spectacular message! I am definitely an Aegon girlie at heart and he plays a pretty prominent role in all of my HOTD fics, even the Aemond x Reader ones 🥰 All my fics are horribly angsty in different ways but I think that WTWICD might (???) be the worst, so at least you got that out of the way already 😂😂

That Trent/Jeep scene in Chapter 12 was wild! When I initially posted it I immediately received soooooo many Aemond thirst comments and had to remind everyone that he was in fact NOT the love interest, like I know he's fine af but stay focused y'all!

I truly appreciate your support so much. I added up the hours recently and between drafting, researching, editing, replying to comments, etc., writing is basically a second full-time job for me. I absolutely love it and it is the light of my life but work is definitely the right word for it. Sometimes I get to thinking "wouldn't life be easier if I just went home and watched Netflix??" but then I always find myself getting swept up in these exciting new ideas that I can't resist diving into, and once a series is done I'm so proud of it and can't imagine a world where it didn't exist! So thank you for affirming that this is exactly what I am supposed to be doing 💜

[ask-aurachnid]

Back to Earth

Part 1: Tricks and Illusions Part 2: Proceed With Caution Part 3: Enter, Punisher

[TW: hallucinations. Descriptions of psychosis]

Word Count: ~830

◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇

Frankie forces their breath to stay steady as the silence stretches out. The voices aren't saying much anymore, but they're certainly not quiet. Accusations and warnings have given way to a cacophony of overlapping whispers that do nothing but make Frankie's ears itch. It's like the worst ASMR track they've ever heard. It's an improvement, but not by much.

"How long've you been curled up like that, kid?"

Frankie shrugs, gaze fixed on the floor. There's a cramp in their right calf and their hips have locked up. "I dunno. A while."

"Looks uncomfortable."

Frankie shrugs again.

"You don't have to come out yet, but do you think you could try stretching your legs out?"

Frankie nods, and Castle moves over so they have enough room. They both wince as Frankie's joints pop, loud and painful. It hurts and the morning aches are sure to be hell, but it's better. Frankie hadn't realized how compressed they'd been until they finally get a decent breath. Ouch, they'd forgotten about the cracked ribs.

The whispers crescendo for a moment and Frankie scrubs at their ears with their palms, grumbling in frustration. It's not fair that hallucinations can trigger their sensory issues. They're not even real!

"You alright?"

Frankie huffs and drops their hands. "Whispers make my ears feel itchy. I hate that noise."

Castle looks confused, but doesn't ask them to explain. Good, because Frankie's thoughts are more like macaroni than spaghetti at the moment with no threads to follow.

"What are five things you can see right now?" he asks.

Oh, this sounds familiar.

"Um– My legs? The floor?" There's a blue stain on the wood by their knee.

Castle nods and waits for them to continue.

"The cup and my bed."

"One more, kiddo."

"Nicky." She's slumped forward at the table, breathing evenly with her face smushed into her arms. Her hair looks like blood, so Frankie takes a deep breath and blinks really hard. It looks like hair again.

"What about four things you can hear?"

"You mean other than the voices?" Frankie asks bluntly. It makes Castle laugh.

"Yes, other than that."

It takes a second for Frankie to focus, to take a deep breath and hear past the incessant whispering.

The lights are yellowy-green. Ancient fluorescent fixtures that flicker just a little bit but Frankie hasn't bothered to replace. They're noisy.

"The lights are buzzing. I hate that sound too," they say. "It's raining outside. I like that noise."

Castle hums.

"Your voice." It sounds like gravel. Crashing waves and rumbling skies. It's nice. "And my neighbor's boom box." Gods, he's an asshole. It's like 2am.

"Good. Now three things you can smell."

Frankie's nose is stuffy, but they do what they're told.

"Sweat," they answer. It smells sour and gross. They feel sticky with it. "I need to shower."

"Nicky's conditioner," it's subtle, especially from across the room, but Frankie catches it. "It's coconut."

Frankie breathes again and wrinkles their nose. "Your jacket smells like Max. He needs a bath."

Castle rolls his eyes, but he's smiling. "Okay then, smart-ass. Take off your gloves and tell me two things you can touch."

There's a prickle of anxiety on Frankie's neck. They ignore it and pull off their gloves. Their hands aren't shaking as much anymore.

"My suit," they say, pinching the fabric between their fingers. "And the wall," they finish, brushing their knuckles along the surface.

"Okay, last one. What can you taste?"

"I dunno, my mouth? That one's dumb."

Castle shrugs. "Maybe. You gonna stay in that corner all night?"

Frankie thinks about it for a minute, biting the inside of their cheek, before shaking their head. The corner is safe, but they can't stay forever. It's lonely and uncomfortable and boring.

Tentatively, Frankie scoots out of the corner. It's a slow process. They're nervous and their body hurts, road rash and bruising making themselves known once more, reminding Frankie that they recently got their ass beat by a megalomaniac wearing a fishbowl on her head. It's a slow process, but Castle waits patiently, and eventually Frankie makes it out into the open.

There's still a foot of space between them, and Frankie doesn't like it so they wrap their fingers around the edge of Castle's sleeve. Their eyes start to water again. Fuck.

"You weren't real before, were you? When you left?" It's phrased like a question, but Frankie knows the answer. They lean their forehead against Castle's arm. "You never called me a parasite."

Castle makes a sad noise. "No, sweetheart. That wasn't real."

"Promise?"

"I promise, Frankie. You're not a parasite, you're my family. Okay? I love you."

Frankie doesn't sob, if only because they're too fucking exhausted. Instead, they clutch tighter to Castle's sleeve and cry.

They cry, and Castle stays, mumbling soothing words and petting over their sweat stiff hair.

"It's gonna be okay. Just let it out. I gotcha, kid," he says, and Frankie believes him.

[apeekatthestars]

Okay, so this feels long overdue. It's been way too long since I last journaled, work has been too hectic, and I've just had a long cry last night. Ever since Charlotte quit, it's been starting to feel like I don't have enough hands - like my mind is just listing out things I need to do after I finish the task at hand, while my hands are still doing said task. It's been...a lot. To be fair, while the assigned tasks are insane, a major part of the stress has been this skeleton submission for Stephen Ng's case. I'm honestly very hopeful that the matter will get wrapped up before the hearing, but we do still need to lodge the written submission. I'm on the 4th draft, and Mike keeps telling me my drafts are wrong - which is fine, which is normal, and so I have just been churning out more and more drafts, each one 20 to 30 pages long, in an attempt to finally get it right. I've stayed up working on drafts until 2am twice already, on top of an insane workload on all my other files. The straw that broke the camel's back was yesterday - I literally just did what he told me to do, and it was still fucking wrong. I think the problem is that he says things like "Quote their Defence" and assumes I know what he means - but there are a lot of ways to quote things, and I've never seen a skeleton submission that looks like what it appears he wants, so that's a lot of very costly trial and error. I just...feel very broken and tired, and I want to just walk away from this whole career. I'm clearly not made out for a career in law. My mind simply isn't adept enough. I can't process things on the spot. That rules out oral advocacy and legal discussions. And nobody's mind seems to work like my mind, so people say things and I don't understand them on the spot until I've had time to transcribe recordings of our conversations and read them back. And I don't know the law, and it feels like it's too late to rectify such a fundamental thing.

Alright, that's enough feeling sorry for myself. I have my limitations, that much is certain. However, that doesn't mean I'm giving up without a fight. If I can finally figure out what a "proper" skeleton submission is supposed to look like, I can create a list of questions and a protocol, so that I know the tone I'm supposed to strike in future. This will be a massive win in terms of my career. I'm so close to it - maybe the next draft will be a winner, now that (hopefully) Mike has finally expressed what changes should be made. We can do this. Stupidity isn't a sin - we can work around it and still get what we deserve.

Am I doing something wrong? No, we're not. We are learning as best we can. Draft 1 was very different from Draft 4. Next time we have to do a skeleton submission, we can skip directly to Draft 5. That is learning, right there. There is no need to feel ashamed, and there is no need to feel guilty for not being faster. Your mind is about to crack. You need a break, and you are going to get one.

It just...feels like there are so many things piled up on my plate, that it's unconscionable to not use any part of my long weekend to clear up some of the backlog, particularly when a lot of the backlog was due yesterday. And I should not have made the mistakes I made - I know better. I owe it to my bosses to put in the extra work when I've not been helpful. But if that's the logic, then you'll literally never get a break. Work will always be this urgent. Always. And you're still learning, so you'll just be doing trial and error for like a decent chunk of your time. Your inability to do all the work on time is not a failing on your part - you always just do your best, after all. The fact that the work can't be done on the spot is about lack of manpower. No matter how hardworking you are, your efforts will just keep crashing against the towering demand. So you have to take the time to take care of yourself, to keep yourself from crashing and burning out. You are already in the right place - you are learning and working as hard as you can. Take a deep breath and feel proud of how far you've come. Take a good long rest. Look at the sunshine and the trees and all the beauty and love in this world beyond the narrow scope of your career. Life is long. You are smart and hardworking, yes, but you are also bright and happy and curious about the world. Estella alone cannot make progress on the part of the entire Elsandria - everyone needs to grow in order for Elsandria to become stronger.

It's been a long while, but how is everyone else doing? Joey was depressed and starved for a while back there, but now that we're re-reading the Belgariad and playing Stardew Valley, things are not so bad. But it would not hurt to find new things to get into. Maybe we can re-learn Spirit Island, or Root, or another digital board game. But it's hard to magic a new interest - these things are supposed to just happen, after all. We can create a list of shows and books that we can get into?

Yumi has been completely thrown to the side in Estella's mad rush, but we can restart the skincare and the teeth brushing. With Admira, I've discovered that waking up on time comes a lot easier when I've had sufficient rest. Work permitting, I do want to be in bed, listening to a bedtime story by 11:30pm on Monday and Thursday nights, and I want at least half a weekend day actually doing something fun. These are structures we need to enforce. As for journaling? It really should be a lot more regular, but it's hard to make time for that when life is just go, go, go. I guess it's just going to have to be whenever I feel the need to journal.

And Kalyra? It's hard for Kalyra to do much of anything when I can't put together the time to go explore the city. But she's an integral part of our personality - she brings the wonder and the magic. God forbid the day when her light dims. It's a long weekend. If you don't let her out now, when will you? This is about your dedication to yourself and Kalyra - take care of her now.

We have to go explore the city this long weekend.

And play Stardew Valley, of course. Maybe try the Avatar books.

The world is a vast place. There is beauty hidden in every nook and cranny. Go find it.

[plinkcat-gif]

Yes hello pls do tell abt ur flower symbolism thoughts 👀

Like, which flowers do you associate with which Naruto characters and why?? What flowers do you think reflect your fav relationships (platonic or otherwise) the best?? AUs??

Honestly homie I’ll take anything just go off abt flowers I am starving for more symbols & secret meanings here…

jesus christ i went off i’m so sorry but enjoy i guess

kks:

- belladonna (silence)

i briefly explained this before but this applies to kakashi in his silence about,, a lot of things, really. he’s been so influenced by what broke him and he obviously doesn’t know himself, and the easiest way to get through life without knowing yourself is by following orders blindly. therefore, he never told naruto about his parents because the hokage said so. he never fought back against the nickname friend killer because of a multitude of reasons, but one would probably be the lack of authority in the situation. kakashi sure isn’t gonna be the authority and tell them to stop unless authority tells him to be authority. same with the rumors about his father.

he was also silenced by force as well, most notably in his ANBU years. i think as a shinobi, there’s a sort of silent oath taken that hey, maybe don’t go blabbing about your traumatizing missions to your civilian friends, yes (which also reminds me that fun fact: a lot of firefighters don’t talk about what happened on calls and stuff with their s/os because they’re so traumatizing and their s/os can’t relate to that. it’s why firefighters talk to each other ab it and cope through dark humor ANYWAY tangent much girl??) but also, in ANBU and ROOT, you don’t talk about anything to anyone ever. recap it once on the report and you’re done.

he never told anyone about rin or obito until,,, god, like naruto? when he showed them the KIA stone and even then he didn’t mention obito explicitly he was just like “idiot child don’t end up here.” so yeah. lots of metaphorical-turned-literal silence in that bit.

to the victorians, belladonna may have also been taken as a meditation on the nature of good and evil, which is particularly interesting to me. in the original post i mentioned that goodness is measured by society, and kakashi’s goodness changed throughout the series. he’s always hailed as a hero for story purposes, but i think digging a bit deeper here, it’s interesting to see the difference between his child and anbu self and his hokage self. as a child and in anbu, he was Good. good at everything he did, efficient and reliable. he was good because in the middle of a war during their time, killing people was necessary to keep the village safe. hence, kakashi’s amazing. he’s a feared hero; a legend. but his self hatred is ever-present and it grows, especially in his anbu years. it never disappears. once he’s hokage, he can essentially bend society to his will. and with naruto as the future hokage and village hero, who’s the opposite of kakashi in nearly every light and shadow, who hasn’t killed anybody…well. it’s easy to redefine the definition of good as somebody who makes peace with words, not violence. voila, justice is served and kakashi’s self hatred is justified, naruto (and his delusional version of obito) are worshipped as heroes and the model idol.

- butterfly weed (let me go; dignity)

honestly. kakashi needs to let tf go of his regrets and his guilt. i imagine that obito and rin would be giving him this of course, but mainly rin. kakashi only idolizes obito so desperately after he’s broken his promise to him, and he needs to forget that and move on to build himself, instead of taking pieces from other people and stacking those on top of one another to make some amalgamated ideal version of himself.

but in another sense, i think kakashi would also very much be the type to want to be forgotten in the afterlife. he sees himself as so insignificant to other people (before given the responsibility of three developing preteens of course) and he wouldn’t want people to cling to him like he clings to rin and obito. he would want the people close to him to keep the dignity that he couldn’t. i also think he knows his obsession with rin and obito is unhealthy, but it works and it satisfies and so he doesn’t really care to stop.

- orange lily (hatred; disdain)

the self hatred is strong in this one. nobody gives this to him of course, i’d b throwing hands if somebody did that, but i think that he’d actually give this to himself (hence why he holds it in the original post). he hates himself so much for the things he’s done, especially when he has the power to redefine society and he can guilt trip himself because of that as well. what would obito think, seeing him sitting in that chair, making a better world? he doesn’t deserve that. he doesn’t deserve that ability and he shouldn’t be able to shape such a thing with these bloodstained hands.

- zinnia (thoughts of absent friends, lasting affection)

literally all this man thinks about is rin and obito he like. has a crush or smth idk.

lasting affection applies to what i see as his affection for obito bc hi, kkob shipper. there’s obviously affection after the kamui battle, and i imagine a lot at the memorial stone when he drops off dango and flowers and treats. pretty simple, but i think it means a lot, especially when phrased as “lasting affection for absent friends.”

obito:

- anemone (forsaken (abandon))

so obito’s are more centered around the world because that’s what he built his ambition off of (the opposite of kakashi, who built his on the people around him. could write an essay on this).

obito so obviously forsook the world when rin died. he decided then and there that it wasn’t worth it anymore—not because rin was dead, but because rin was dead. i will always say obkkfkr’s post about why obito started a war for this lol, but essentially, the world just kept on taking and killing and breaking and all that was left behind were people like kakashi, who brought dango to a grave for somebody he supposedly never even liked.

obito abandoned the world and its ideals, which is why he never returned to konoha. konoha was killing its people from the inside, and the same applied to all the other villages. the best way to get rid of that is to destroy them all.

but i also think his resolve is rather weak. the second naruto talk-no-jutsu’d him, he was abandoning ship faster than you can say “infinite tsukuyomi.” he quit the plan and said “nah. this is dumb i’m sorry” and helped save the same world he tried to destroy instead. i sk probably has something to do with abandonment issues that developed after he was left alone in a cave with an old man forever lol idk

- black-eyed susan (justice)

oh boy. justice to the shinobi system. obito was the judge, jury, and executioner in this whole plan. he wanted to bring konoha and the hidden villages to justice so badly that he hid his identity for twenty-odd years and manipulated things behind the scenes so effectively. it was his goal and why he started a war—justice for rin. justice for kakashi. for itachi. for all the shinobi who were forced to fight and kill, injuries and psych evals be damned.

- edelweiss (devotion)

this one’s pretty obvious, i think despite his quickly-changing-allegiance, obito’s very devoted to whatever he does. as a child, he was set on being hokage and that stayed unchanging until rin’s death. then he spent twenty years carrying out madara’s plan, unchanging until naruto talked to him, when he returned to his roots and helped the shinobi alliance win the war. he’s very devoted to his beliefs and to the people he loves, hence why he stuck with madara’s plan for so long.

- orange lily (hatred)

that being said, obito’s love is interesting to me. i think in canon, it’s so influenced by the hatred he feels for the world and for certain people (hiruzen, danzō, etc.) that his love is more twisted. because obviously he doesn’t really love rin, i don’t think. he harbors a more childish love for her throughout his life, but that ends up tainted when he tries to brainwash the whole world in an attempt to make it all better. he doesn’t really love kakashi until after their kamui battle, but that’s tainted by his and kakashi’s self hatred (hence why i don’t ship them in canon—unrequited, if anything). his obsession and his love are two very different things as well, which is why i don’t think he actually ever loved kakashi until he was brought back from the Dark Side.

also obito in general just harbors a lot of hatred for himself and the way the world treats people, so yeah.

as for kkob flower, i would say zinnia. whether in canon or in aus, these guys have always lost something. there’s always something to lose, whether it be each other, sakumo, rin, or the village, or whatever it may be, but they always center their lives around what they lose. in different ways, that is.

i mentioned this is the replies of one of bluefisted’s post but basically what i think is that obito centers his sense of self around the world. he blames his problems on the world, he hates himself because he can’t fix it. how the world affects the people he loves, basically.

for kakashi, he centers himself on the existence of other people, how he affects them and how he can help them. he doesn’t care about the world nearly as much, because he’s accepted that they all have to live in it. so he’s going to help his friends to the best of his abilities, because that’s in his control. (moments where it isn’t and hasn’t ever been, like when he faces obito in the war, are times where he panics and breaks down ;))

and so yeah their affection for absent friends is strong and actually really interested if we ever went past “heehoo angsty guys love each other a lot” (*shoves all my fics off a cliff* we’re not using those as examples)

ok i’ll do these for more characters if y’all want but fair warning: i literally did not care about another character in naruto i took these two in hand and said “you will be my special interest” and i haven’t let them go since SO. maybe yamato and gai can b next i like them a lot as well. and rin.

[hmslusitania]

That perfect one word no one’s heard yet

Have a 5x17-5x18 spec?

Eddie tries to be as quiet as he can when he unlocks the door in case Buck’s on the couch. He’d told him that it would be stupid to sleep on the couch when Eddie was going to be in a whole other state, but Buck sometimes refuses do the sensible thing.

But Buck is not on the couch. His shift bag is in a neat pile by the door and there’s a half finished Lego construct on the coffee table that’s being colonised by Chris’s dinosaur toys. The jackets hanging on the hooks in the hallway are Buck’s too, from his myriad collection. There’s no light on in the house and Eddie checks his watch. It’s later than he’d thought; there had been an accident on I-5 and Eddie’s Uber driver hadn’t been stupid enough to take it, but the spillover traffic had made every other route between LAX and Eddie’s house stupid busy for being after midnight.

He gently opens Christopher’s door and sees him completely passed out and drooling a little into his pillow. Eddie shuts his door and heads to his own room.

Buck is not a restful sleeper. Eddie had found that out the hard way when they’d been quarantining together, but it holds true now in Eddie’s room. Buck has managed to wrap himself and the comforter into some kind of non-Euclidean knot and has one of the strings from his hoodie stuck in his partly open mouth. One of his feet is visible from the blanket knot, the sock rolled down to halfway off his heel. He’s mostly — by a very slim margin — on the left side of the bed, and has his arms wrapped around the other pillow. Eddie’s pillow.

Eddie’s heart squeezes in his chest and he wants to reach out and pull the sweatshirt string out of Buck’s mouth and roll the sock back up his foot, and then he wants to tangle himself into the knot of Buck and blanket.

And then he realises its two in the morning and he’s just standing stupidly in his own bedroom staring at his—

“Eddie?”

Buck’s voice is deeper from sleep and fuzzy from confusion.

“Hey,” Eddie says and realises he should put his bag down and maybe put on his pyjamas. He rounds the foot of the bed and—and those are definitely more of Buck’s things than he could’ve realistically needed for Eddie’s three day trip to El Paso.

“Did I miss—fuck, I was supposed to pick you up, oh my god I must’ve slept through my alarm—”

Buck fumbles to explain Eddie’s presence and when he falls silent, Eddie glances over at him, pausing in the act of unbuttoning his shirt. Buck is sitting half up in the bed with his phone in hand, frowning intensely at it. Like he can see that its 2am and knows Eddie wasn’t supposed to be in until 8am and also knows Eddie is standing in front of him half-undressed.

“I left early,” Eddie explains before Buck can fully ask. He turns around and drops his jeans, fishing his sleep shorts out of the dresser. “Changed my flight.”

“You should’ve called me, I would’ve come and got you,” Buck says. Eddie shrugs, and shrugs out of his undershirt, reaching for a fresh one from the drawer. “Oh, fuck, this is your bed, I should go—”

He pauses and when Eddie turns around, he’s sitting all the way up and staring into the middle distance.

“What’s up?” Eddie asks.

“Uh, the farthest I can go is your…couch,” Buck says.

Eddie mentally throws a stifling hand over his own instinctive response (“you don’t have to go anywhere ever for any reason you should just stay”) because Buck looks confused and guilty and perversely like he might be about to smile.

“What happened?” Eddie asks.

“Uh, I—I said she should keep the apartment since it was only fair since I got her to give up hers,” Buck says. He does grin just a little then and then seems to force himself to sober. Eddie’s heart does an odd, joyous pirouette. “When—when I broke up with Taylor.”

He does sober then, frowning. “And I’m back to being the useless couch crashing perpetual roommate.”

“You’re not crashing on my couch,” Eddie says firmly. “And you’re not useless.”

“No, I know, I’ll—I think Albert’s getting a new place right, I can just—”

“No, I meant—” Eddie steels himself and then catches sight of Buck’s dangling foot and half dislodged sock. He grabs Buck’s ankle and ignores the way Buck is staring at him, all mussed and rumpled and confused, and pulls his sock back up for him. When he lets go of Buck’s foot, Buck’s tilted his head sideways in that confused-Buckley-puppy dog expression that Buck got from Maddie and that Jee-Yun’s already starting to show off.

“I meant you don’t have to crash on my couch,” Eddie says. He circles around to his side of the bed and picks up his pillow where Buck’s relinquished his hold in his confusion. “But you do have to budge over and untangle part of the blanket for me.”

Buck obliges and Eddie tucks himself into the spare half of the bed. Eddie hadn’t turned on the light but it isn’t really dark until Buck’s phone goes out. They lie there in silence just the wrong side of perfectly comfortable for a while until Buck clears his throat.

“You left Texas early?” Buck asks.

“We can talk about it in the morning,” Eddie says. “When it’s been more than six hours since I fled my childhood home for probably the last time ever.”

“Right,” Buck says. “Sorry it went badly.”

“It didn’t actually,” Eddie says. He sighs. “My dad had a heart attack, but he’s going to be fine, and we left it in a place where if they ever want to see Chris again, they’re going to have to be the ones to reach out.”

“What if they want to see you?” Buck asks softly.

“That, we can definitely talk about tomorrow,” Eddie says. “We can talk about Taylor then, too, but she’s not welcome in my bedroom even for a conversation about her.”

Buck, to his relief, laughs. “Yeah that’s probably not gonna be nearly as big a conversation is it.”

“The decision making process that led to you breaking up with the wicked witch of the west? Maybe not,” Eddie agrees. “But, like, she is the first partner you’ve ever lived with and ending that even on your own terms can fuck you up in ways you don’t expect.”

Buck hums in agreement, or at least acknowledgement, and Eddie registers a second later that he isn’t actually speaking from experience. It feels right though, so he leaves it be as a statement.

“Sorry about your apartment through,” Eddie says.

“Its okay,” Buck says and he sounds like he’s falling asleep again. “I kinda hated it in the end anyway. Guess it kinda sucks to be homeless for a sec though.”

“You’ve always got a home here with me,” Eddie says before he can stop himself. “With us.”

Buck doesn’t respond, and after a moment, he lets out a soft exhale that’s not quite a snore. Eddie smiles and lets himself fall asleep.

When he wakes in the morning, Buck’s worked himself into another inconceivable Escher knot with the blanket. But this time, Eddie’s tied up in it, too inextricable to move.

And there’s nowhere else he’d rather be.

[kass-storycorner]

Mentally I’m getting worse again (tho I try to do all the stuff I learned from two years in therapy to … prevent it from getting bad bad ), so I’ve only been thinking about how some of the Genshin characters would comfort me? So here have this, whatever this is, that I wrote at 2am on a night before I have 11am shift at work. Using you in all of this but honestly this is 100% self indulgent. I just want someone to cuddle with. Pretty sure most of this isn’t really in character and every point is vastly different from the others but hey, it is what it is. As long as I’m in my current mindset my stuff won’t be any better than this

Genre: fluff, a bit of angst I guess idk man, comfort i hope

Content warnings: depression (?) I don’t go too much into detail, don’t want to write out those negative thoughts HA but you know you are just not in a good spot in these, absolutely inconsistent writing, every character has to deal with a different stage of feeling depressed and yeah

Characters: Diluc, Childe, Albedo, Yoimiya

Fun fact: my app crashed while writing this so thank the tumblr admins that you can restore posts you wrote after the app crashes one of the few good features of the app

Diluc:

Would definitely notice the first small changes in your behaviour, but wouldn’t think much of it in the beginning.

Maybe you are just tired? And even if not Diluc knows best that no one can always be chipper.

Still he doesn’t know how to act around you when you are sad / heading towards a depressive episode.

He would offer you his help, you just need to say what you need and he’ll give it to you.

Ah, but Diluc didn’t really consider at first that you would be too afraid to ask, even when he offered it to you.

One day he will directly ask you in the privates of your home if you are okay. At first you would try to brush it off, not wanting to be a burden on Diluc. You know how much he’s been through and that he also has his emotional scars… would be a bit selfish to dump it all onto him, wouldn’t it?

But oh, you’ve been dying to talk with someone about your feelings, craving a warm hug and words of comfort… so when Diluc doesn’t drop the topic you just let it all out.

He will take you in his arms and hug you, cuddle you, as long as you want. He’ll stroke your hair, quietly listening to your words, only small “mmmhs” and “it’s okay” leaving him, to reassure you that it’s fine for sharing it all.

When none of you talks all you can hear is his steady breath and oh, it’s so soothing.

Maybe you end up crying, while sharing all of it with him. All he does is to pull you closer into his chest, saying that it’s okay and tell you to let it all out.

Diluc hides his softer side from the people of Mondstadt, always hiding behind the more grumpy image some of him have, but he knows that it’s not good to run away from your own feelings. What you need to do is to feel them, do not try to push them aside because you are uncomfortable with them.

Generally he would be soft, kind and understanding. At first he might give you too much room, afraid he might be overstepping a boundary when he keeps pushing you in the beginning. Ends up in you isolating yourself / pulling away more, but once Diluc sees the pattern he will be more attentive to your needs and learn to differentiate between you needing space and you isolating.

Though please communicate with him better, he’s busy and if him having less time for you causes you distress you need to tell him, he might only notice it after the feelings festered.

Childe:

Oh boy - he hasn’t seen you in a while, Fatui duties you know, so when he knocks on your door one day he notices immediately that you are not in a good place.

This man - he cooks, he cleans, we all joke about him being the perfect husband but seriously. He sees the state of you, the state of your apartment and immediately helps.

Having spend the last week or two in a depressive state caused you to neglect your housework - the dirty dishes are everywhere and laundry keeps piling up. Not to talk about how you look.

Childe will make you a bath and while you’re in it he cleans. An immense help!!! Taking away a good chunk of thinks that made you feel just so overwhelmed and helpless.

The whole time he wouldn’t breach the topic of why it has come to that point, but now after you finished the bath and the apartment looks liveable again he asks you what’s wrong.

Honestly you don’t know yourself, you’ve been just lacking more and more energy to do the basic tasks and suddenly everything was a mess.

Will wipe away your tears and tell you “don’t cry, I’m here”, taking you in a hug.

When he’s around more, will he notice it when it slowly gets worse? Mmh, yeah!! He definitely notice when you are feeling more down, seeing how your interactions change and how your laughs become more forced.

In the beginning he will just try to make you feel all the “positive” feelings, not wanting you to feel any “negative” emotions at all

this man definitely represses his own trauma a lot and has a horrible way of coping with it so I doubt he would be the most emotionally intellectual person to help you through it

Though when you show that you don’t feel like showing your sadness aside and you just want someone to share it with / need some comfort he will adjust to your needs

Albedo:

Boy as impeccable observation skills, he will notice immediately when something is off.

However - he somehow struggles to understand your feelings. Like. At all.

When he asks you what’s wrong and you tell him that there is not a reason for your feelings, you just feel a bit depressed that’s all, he will not get it.

How do you feel a certain emotions without something causing it? There must be a reason for it.

And honestly he’s right there is always a reason for a certain feeling to arise, but sometimes they aren’t easy to understand for yourself or to spot, sometimes it’s just that your inner child needs a hug and it takes you three weeks and a metal breakdown to understand that this is all you needed… plus a good cry

He’s gonna be so awkward at trying to comfort you, making you feel better, at first. Trying everything out to cheer you up, he really doesn’t want you to feel bad. Asks around for advice what helps others when they are sad.

Honestly? The things he does, the small presents he gifts you - they are nice and make you feel loved, but it doesn’t make the bad feelings go away. Even worse it somehow builts up this immense pressure for you to get better quick because look! Albedo does nice things, he tries to help. He tries to figure it out. Why can’t you give him the results he hopes to get???

Only when someone (Timadeus for sure) finally tells Albedo that it’s not a special dish or flower or even place that helps with sad feelings - it’s that they remind them of something that’s comforting. Klee told him Dodoco helps when she’s sad, because Dodoco reminds her how much her mum loves her. So when people told him about certain foods or flowers - it was more because those were valuable for those individuals, doesn’t mean it has value to you. Most importantly is that he’s just there for you.

With that new bits of information he will try to adjust to your needs more, to learn what you need and to understand it.

He will be so upfront about it too, coming into your room and telling you that he’s been trying to make you feel better the past couple of weeks and noticing how your mood has not improved at all. Finally asks you what you need opposed to him only having asked why you feel that way

Will definitely make you cry with how he approaches the topic. When he apologises for making you cry you cry even harder at how soft he says it.

Albedo will remember what he was told, that it’s important to just be there for someone, so he will stay at your side, his hand on your back rubbing it while you are just sobbing.

After the tears have calmed down you can just be honest with him, tell him that you sometimes don’t know yourself what will make it better, that sometimes you just have to life with the feelings and accept them - but that his attempts really didn’t help.

He will apologise for putting more pressure on you, asking if you need a hug (something a lot of people have told him helps them but he was just to shy to actually try it out). After saying yes you both stay for a long time in the hug, the first thing in a long time to make you feel better.

Yoimiya:

My love, the light of my life, my future main - she would be SO good at helping you through an episode.

Notices the way you act towards her changes and immediately confronts you about it, afraid that something in the relationship is amiss until you tell her the truth that you are a bit depressed.

Canonically the one with the best communication skills, if you were to put her, Diluc and Kaeya in a room I’m 1000% sure those two would leave it as brothers again.

That said she can sometimes be a bit too overwhelming - she can talk a lot, but she’s a good listener too, but in her attempt to fix the issue she goes a bit overboard.

She’ll want you to talk it all out which isn’t a bad thing per se, but sometimes you just don’t feel like talking or that talking would help.

However the way Yoimiya is it will make you communicate with her more about how you feel and what you need - she kinda just seems to be more approachable and the kind of person you can pour my heart out to after meeting her on the toilets of a bar.

Will cuddle you as long as you need.

And honestly? 100% sure she would even make you a firework to cheer you up that you both watch from her favourite spot on a blanket while doing so (the cuddling!)

or you know maybe it’s just what I would really want to do with her when I’m depressed aka RIGHT NOW MAN

[dracosathenaeum]

Great Love Story | D.M.

Summary: Half requested by @dray-cookies !! You and Draco were the couple everyone expected to never break up, so why were you watching Draco look at Pansy the way he use to look at you? As if she were his world.

Warnings: smut, food, violence and swearing

Word Count: 2,241

#A/N: AU, sometime in 7th year. I don't want to solidify any details in case I ever decide to write a part 2

You watched with green in your eyes as Draco brushed Pansy’s soft strands of hair from her face before bringing his hand to rest back on the small of her back. You could still feel the weight of his hand on your back, warm and reassuring. It was almost as if you were seeing the whole scene from an outside perspective, that Pansy wasn’t real, and it was you there.

But you weren’t.

Pansy was sat in what had been your seat just the month before. You heard the whispers that followed you down every hallway and into each room, but you were just as in the dark as they were. “They would’ve never lasted” from bitter Slytherins, or “He seemed happy, they both did I wonder what went wrong.” You had wondered the same thing.

You had never thought you’d break up; you were sure you would make it til the end, that he was the one for you. Call it naïve but you had known each other longer than anyone else; you had been inseparable despite being in different houses and everyone knew how Slytherins felt about interhouse relations. He had quite literally brought you out of your shell and gave you confidence you might’ve never found yourself.

It was only natural that the two of you started dating; natural that one of those long nights studying and just enjoying each other’s company had ended in rushed and desperate kisses; as if you didn’t have all the time in the world. The school had practically fallen over their own feet talking about the two of you. You were the couple that were the centre of attention at the yule ball, the textbook couple that all others compared to, the couple that no one had ever expected to break up.

Yet it happened. 

Sneaking into Draco’s room like you had done so countless times before, you hadn’t expected for him to break up with you. No warnings. No explanation.

You had left his room in a daze; your feet bringing you back to your dorm room through muscle memory alone. You allowed yourself to collapse into your friends arms the second you stepped into the room, watched as theirs mirrored the shock yours contained.  

Everything had been perfect as far as you knew. You were both so happy or so you had thought. Since then he had avoided you at all costs, and the times you did see him, he’d wouldn’t even spare you a glance before turning in the other direction.

//

Draco was looking at Pansy with stars in his eyes, and of course he would. She was everything he could ever want. Her hair that always fell perfectly around her face, never owing a bad hair day; her make up that was light because she never needed to cover up imperfections, just enhance what she already had. And her laugh, the way she tilted her head back, hand covering her mouth as she laughed at something Draco had said, the way he stopped laughing to just admire her. That was what had well and truly broken your heart.

You had never been on bad terms with Pansy; you had a mutual friendship when you had been with Draco; in fact, she had been the one to help sneak you into the Slytherin rooms more often than not. But looking at them together you realised it was never your place to be with him, not when Pansy looked like she was made to be where she was.

You watched him look at her eat and talk to Blaise with the same eyes he used to look at you with. You were split in two; you just didn’t understand how his heart could have changed so quickly, how it was possible for someone who had spent years calling you his world to simply move on before you had even had a chance to realise what had happened. 

Yet the other half knew. Pansy was everything you were but so much more. Why settle for you when he could have her?

“I still can’t believe he and y/n broke up; I mean they were the great love story, if they can’t stay together what hope do the rest of us have?” They thought you couldn’t hear; thought you were too busy talking with your friends to notice the conversations happening literally 2 seats away from you. Or perhaps they were just cruel and wanted to rub salt in the wound hoping for an explanation you couldn’t give.

“I mean he seems happy with Pansy, but it just never occurred to me he’d be with anyone else you know? I thought they were happy together, but I guess we’ll never find out since neither of them talk about it.” Grace bless her soul, threw a pumpkin pasty at the two of them. You watched as the orange coloured filling burst across their uniform staining their shirts and skin. Their heads turned towards you, mouths open ready to argue when they saw Grace with another in her hand. You simply picked up one in your own hand and shared a look with Grace before throwing it.

//

You found yourself in the astronomy tower most nights, after the castle had gone to sleep, when the only thing you had to worry about was being caught by Filch. You’d sit and wait for Draco to show up like he always had, waited for him to tell you it was all one big joke or misunderstanding. But he never did.

You couldn’t stop your brain whirling at 100 miles an hour whenever you were in the tower, but you couldn’t bring yourself to stop going, you had spent so long in here with him; before you had even started dating. You hadn’t just lost a boyfriend but a best friend.

"If you could be reborn as anything, what would it be?"

You could still remember the feel of his calloused in your hair go still as he gave thought to what you asked. “I don’t care what I’m reborn as, as long as I have you, I could be reborn as a fucking pebble for all I care "

His voice and words were rough, but you knew his heart was soft, knew it beat and belonged to you.

So why was it that you were sat there alone at 2am whilst he was probably curled around another girls body.

Shaking your stiff limbs, you made your way back to your dorms not ready to spend yet another night alone, but you’d just have to get used to it. You couldn’t stop your mind as memories played out in your brain, memories of kissing Draco as he dragged you back to the Dungeons, the both of you stumbling over each other, giggling into the night as you tried to make it back to his rooms but instead crashing in the room of requirement once you realised you wouldn’t make it back.

A door appeared to your left, the sight of the heavy wood causing your heart to catch in your throat. You didn’t think it would appear from you reminiscing yet here it was.

Your hands tentatively pushed open the doors, knowing exactly what you find but your eyes still filled with tears when you saw the room look exactly as it had done all those times you stumbled into it.

A master bedroom, books lining the wall of the furthest wall and a window seat, one you had spent so many nights curled up with Draco reading at. You could hear the whispered proclamations of love as the wind from the window whipped around you, you could feel Draco's lips against your neck as you giggled and told him to stop distracting you from reading.

You would sit between his legs, your back to his chest and every time you had finished a page you would tilt your head, wait for him to kiss you as indication to turn the page. It was the comfortable stolen moments like that you had missed the most. If you had known, you would’ve made the most of them, treasured your time with him more; but that was why you were here wasn’t it? There was no way you could’ve known; he played the part of being in love with you too well after all.

You couldn’t stop your memories unravelling as you continued to look around; you remember the feeling of his fingers sliding up the hem of your shirt- his shirt, he had always loved seeing you in his clothes and you loved the comfort they bought you, so you found yourself in them often. You remembered the way your breath used to hitch as his fingers found their goal, rough fingers pulling flimsy lace to the side so they could reach the throbbing heat that waited for him and only him.

You remember him telling you to keep reading, to read aloud to him. So, you did, about the protagonist who was pressed against a male’s front being utterly wrecked by his fingers alone. Draco had followed your every word, his fingers mimicking the actions in the book you read until you could see stars, until you felt like you were drowning in him. You had twisted your body, trying to reach any part of him but he had kept you pressed against him to be fucked by his fingers alone; just the same as the character in the book.

You had barely been able to read the words in front of your eyes, eyes hazy with pleasure; your mind focused only on the way Draco’s fingers felt inside of you. You still remembered the line that made him still, that almost had him loose control and take you there and then. “His eyes held mine as he brought those fingers to his mouth and sucked on them. On the taste of me.” His thumb had immediately reached for your swollen clit, taking him less than three strokes for you to fall apart.

You remembered what it was like in the aftermath; remembered the way he used to hold you tight, murmuring encouragements in your ears as you shook with overstimulation. You remember the haze you felt, his lips bringing you back to reality as you had almost blacked out. You remembered the earth-shattering pleasure that you had never been able to find with your own fingers, but he had learnt to all too easily.

Your eyes caught your own reflection, pupils blown wide open with lust.

It was an oh so familiar sight for you.

Draco had loved taking you in front of mirrors, the way he could see all of you and you could see yourself fall apart on him, loved the power behind it. 

Was he now doing the same to Pansy?

You shook the thoughts from your mind and turned to leave, the memories baring too much for you.

"Watch where you're going." it was as if the universe was truly against you; you had bumped straight into Draco, his arms instinctively reaching out to steady you. You didn’t waste a second to jump out of his arms, caught between wanting to jump back into them and wanting to push him down all the flights of stairs you could.

His voice has lost the natural soft tone that he had always used around you; you instead got the same sour Draco everyone else got; he was no longer yours after all.

You saw a flash of recognition in his eyes as you debated with yourself. Recognition of the way your pupils were the same as they would be all of those times he'd fucked you until you'd forgotten your own name, his own being the only word your mind was capable of remembering.

"Were you in there with someone?" It was calm. His anger. Not the rage that he'd throw at Potter or Weasley often, no this was the calm before the storm. A storm that he himself had caused.

"Would it matter if I was?" you controlled your breathing, your eyes holding steady against his though you knew he could still see in your eyes how affected you still were.

"Of course it matters. I-" he had stopped himself, chest heaving, fingernails leaving crescents in his palm.

"I'm not yours anymore Draco, you made that clear.” He said nothing but the blood dripping from his own lip as he tore the skin was indication enough, he still cared.

“I thought you were happy with me. I- I thought you loved me. What changed?" You couldn't help it as your feelings came tumbling out of your mouth. Your heart raced, this was it, he would explain himself and you could act as if the past torturous month hadn’t happened.

"Fuck whoever you want, whore yourself out for all I care. Just stay out of my way." It was like the guillotine had dropped, your emotions and expression changing instantaneously. You couldn't hide the heartbreak from your eyes, and you knew he could see it.

Your palm met his cheek harder than you thought you were capable of, "Fuck you Malfoy." You saw as his eyes flashed with something, something you didn’t recognise. But then again you didn’t recognise who stood before you now and perhaps he had seen that when you had used his given name and simply walked away.

PART 2 | PART 3

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[savoryscribbles]

Home is Something You Make

This is a Kaeya fic from someone who doesn't like Kaeya all that much.

Parings: Kaeya x gn!reader, platonic!Kaeya x Rosaria

Content/trigger warnings: you aren't the traveler,pretty sappy ngl, I've realized I suck at dialogue so just, ignore it.

Kaeya doesn't use his house. If you've know him for long enough, this is a fact. However, what isn't as obvious, is Kaeya let's other people use his house, use his bed, bathroom, kitchen, etc.

His friends without homes, the traveler, Klee, Rosaria, anyone who needs it, can crash at his place whenever they need to. That's why he keeps it clean. It's why his master bathroom has collected dust but not his guest bedroom.

He is far to busy to use his own house. More often he's found stumbling into his house at 2am, crashing on the couch because he knows both beds are likely taken.

He meant to tell you of this predicament. But could never find the right time to bring it up. He knew you slept in late, you worked at night anyways. He knew if you were to ever sleep over, you would definitely run into someone that wasn't him. And he would have to awkwardly explain how a 6 foot tall vampire lady was upset you were sleeping in his bed. The bed that has the thick memory foam, and the silk sheets, the one both you and Rosaria are upset Kaeya doesn't use more often.

When he did eventually ask you over for dinner, he made sure everyone was out of the house before hand, much to their surprise.

He cooked you a nice dinner, and put up the front he felt he had to. He never meant to get this far with you actually. Rosaria had suggested he mess around with the hookup scene, telling him it would help relive stress. Only he doesn't think he did it right, because now he's in a relationship, one he doesn't want to get out of. One night stands had a key word, one night only this had lasted far more than that.

He was scared about a lot of things. He was waiting for you to find out his secrets and leave him, like anyone he'd tried to date before. But he didn't want you to leave, so he tried his best to hold that day off as long as he could.

When morning came Kaeya found it hard to get up. On any other day the sun would have bothered him enough to get ready, the dread of the days work enough for him to be on time. But you were next to him, and the annoying sun didn't look so annoying when it rested on your face, and how could anyone feel dread when they're with their love? So instead of getting ready, Kaeya opted to rest against you awhile longer.

Then he checked the time, and oh shit I have 15 minutes to get ready and he rushed out the door, forgetting to tell you about his other guests.

Something he also forgot to mention to said guests, was you. It wasn't like Kaeya was trying to keep you a secret. It's just that, a famous wondering traveler, a coldhearted vampire church lady, and a toddler who loves bombs can be very intimidating. And so he pushed introducing you to them out of his mind.

So both party's were unaware of each other's presence, that was until you had a polearm to your throat.

"Who are you? And why are you in the Calvary Captains house?" Rosaria stated in her usual harsh tone.

This had startled you awake. Not knowing who she was either. "I'm (y/n)? I, who are you?" Was the response you gave in the mists of rubbing sleep from your eyes, not even batting one at the weapon still hugging your throat.

"It doesn't matter who I am. You're in this house when you shouldn't be, so you need to leave." Rosaria didn't actually care who you were, all she knew is you were not on Kaeya's guest list.

"Huh? Kaeya invited me here though? We had dinner last night, and it was late by the time we finished, so he let me stay over." You tried to explain, you didn't know why Sister Rosaria was in Kaeya's house, they could be a couple, they could be friends, she for all you knew, could be raiding his house. However the latter seemed unlikely. She seemed to know she was allowed here, hence why she was questioning why you were here.

"Oh, so you're one of his one night stands? Still, there's no reason you should have stayed this long." Rosaria reluctantly withdrew her weapon, knowing you weren't likely to cause harm.

"Not really? I mean, I'm not sure what me an Kaeya are, but it's definitely not that." You laughed nervously, surely she should know about you if you were anything serious to Kaeya right? "We've gone of a couple dates, he's even been to my house, this is the first time he's invited me over to his though." You finished your explanation as you started to realize just how weird this predicament was.

"Hmph, alright then, but just so you know. If I find out you're lying, I'm not as merciful as the other sisters." She responded, walking out the door.

Kaeya had some explaining to do.

***

Kaeya realized halfway through his day that he forgot to warn you about his friends. So he tried to get home as quickly as possible, or at least before you left for work.

Luckily he made it, barely though. He caught you as you were getting dressed, but not before getting stopped by Rosaria.

"Hey just so you know, there's someone in there claiming they've 'gone on a couple dates with you' I left them alone, but if their lying I'll take care of them." She said from her position on the couch.

"Hm? There's no need, they're telling the truth, I actually need to talk to them, so excuse me." Kaeya responded before quickly walking to his bedroom.

"Oh, hello there. Um, there was a lady, I'm pretty sure she was sister Rosaria? But she put her polearm up to my throat, telling me I didn't belong here? I'm not sure what that was about." You laughed lightly when you saw him.

"I know, I'm sorry, so sorry. I meant to tell you, there's more people who stay here actually." He muttered the last bit. "I was just in a rush this morning."

"I have friends who stay over, they don't exactly, have anywhere else to stay? I'm not sure, it's not my business to pry, but I let them stay whenever they need to. So if we're going to do, this," he gestures towards himself then you, "more often, I should probably warn you about that."

"Ooohh, okay, that's fine, actually that's very sweet of you Kaeya. Just a warning would have been nice, on both ends actually. A Polearm to the throat isn't the most peaceful ways to wake up." You point out with a chuckle, and he joined you.

After the laugher died down he took you in his arms and kissed you before muttering "I'm glad you understand."

***

"Getting sappy huh captain?" Rosaria stated as he closed the door behind you.

"Hm, maybe." He thought pensively.

"This isn't what I meant by a hookup." She retorted back.

"Oh I know, I have a knack for messing things up, though I'm sure you know that." He responded, looking into her eyes.

"They seem... nice, to nice almost. They didn't even bat an eye when I put my spear to their throat." She pointed out before yawning.

"They're like that, not afraid of weapons when they know the confrontation can be handled with words, even if the other party doesn't want to use them." He explained, how he knew is a story for another time.

"Hm respectable. You seem to like them a lot, otherwise you wouldn't have brought them over." She quipped.

"Yeah, they. Yes, they mean a lot to me." Kaeya said.

And he realized his house wasn't a home until you walked in.

[emitheduck]

So. We're Soulmates? (Bucky x Reader)

A/N: my first soulmate AU, and I figured it was finally time, and bucky deserved one lol. no spoilers whatsoever

Soulmate AU where you have your soulmate’s birthday tattooed on your arm ---

March 10th, 1917.

(Y/n) had always thought, there was no possible way that the universe had ever, ever gotten her soulmate’s birthday right. When everyone was celebrating that their soulmate was around the same age as them, she got to look down in horror as she could practically see her soulmate’s life fly by. There was legitimately no possible way that her soulmate would even still be alive.

The rules of the soulmate were strange, and no one ever understood them or questioned them. It was found out sometime in the 80s that the dates on peoples forearms weren’t random--but the birthday of their soulmate. Because the universe was a cosmic nightmare, when someone’s soulmate died, the numbers went with them.

That’s what made this so strange.

Either (Y/n)’s soulmate was hanging onto life support, or the universe had fucked up and decided it was going to trick her into thinking she could find happiness like everyone else.

She had these feelings up until she got the faithful call one day, that she had landed the job with SHIELD and found out that she would be working in the helicarrier during the attack on New York. And that’s how she met Steve Rogers.

“You know, it’s kind of funny.” Steve sighed with a chuckle, shaking his head as he followed (Y/n) who was leading him to where he would be staying.

“What is?” She asked as she typed in the access code for one of the doors as they walked.

“The number on your arm. That’s my friend’s birthday.” Steve was smirking as he walked into his room. “I mean, it was his birthday.”

(Y/n) looked down at the date on her arm and sighed, her hand instinctively covering the date. “You sure he’s dead? Not some hundred-year-old veteran in a nursing home that you haven’t checked in on or something?” She was trying her best to not sound horrible for joking about his friend's death, but he seemed almost amused by her banter.

“Last I checked, he’s dead. I watched him fall off the train and everything.” He told her as he sat down on the edge of his bed. “His name was Bucky.” He told her as she turned around to leave, watching her stop for a moment to listen before she left.

Steve’s words always lingered in the back of her mind ever since that day on the helicarrier. She had seen the Bucky memorial spot in the museum, and the day she found out that he was alive, she would never forget (mostly because when it happened, she had dropped the bottle of wine she was holding on the floor and spent hours picking up tiny shards of glass).

The year was now 2023. Five years after the blip, and (Y/n) now fully retired from SHIELD. She left on good terms, but the years of working were just exhausting. Especially now that she came back after vanishing for five years and had to rebuild her life all over again. At least they were respectful, and were happy to give her the pay that she had missed out on.

It was hard enough having to deal with knowing all your close friends sacrificed themselves for the whole world, and not being able to do anything about it. That was the reason that kept her up most nights. The guilt of feeling like she could have done something, but never got the chance to, was the hardest feeling.

That’s what led (Y/n) to walking aimlessly around the grocery store at almost 2am. When she couldn’t sleep, sometimes the best thing to do was walk around pushing the cart and praying that the LED lights would calm her down enough to go home and face the empty apartment.

What she didn’t expect was turning the corner of the frozen section and crashing her cart into someone elses. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry I wasn’t paying attention.” (Y/n) apologize as she looked at the man in front of her. “I should have been looking. I guess I’m just tired.”

“I’m probably just tired too.” He chuckled, pulling his cart away from hers. Both the carts were empty anway. “You come here to walk around at night too?”

“How could you tell?” (Y/n) laughed, running a hand through her hair as she looked him over. He looked familiar, and knowing her luck he was some assassin that was stalking her, and came here to finish the job.

He motioned to their empty carts with a bob of his head. “Something about just pushing the carts around and listening to the crappy music makes me feel better too.” He smirked as he never broke eye contact. “Also, people normally buy food when they’re shopping.”

(Y/n) sighed, nodding. “You caught me. I’m just here to wander.”

“It’s okay. I am too. Sometimes staring at the TV isn’t enough.” He mumbled, shaking his head as he broke eye contact to look where his hands were gripping the handle of the cart. “Sorry, I’m just rambling I guess.”

“No, I get it.” She laughed it off, knowing it was late and sometimes people just kept talking when they were tired. “My names (Y/n).” She smiled, holding out her hand for him to shake.

He seemed to hesitate, but reached out and shook her hand. “My name’s Bucky.”

She could feel her mouth go dry. “Bucky?” There was just no, possible way that this was the man who has been in the back of her mind for years on end.

“I’m guessing you know who I am.” He muttered, already preparing himself to turn around and forget this interaction never happened. “Sorry, I should go.”

“Wait! No, I didn’t mean it like that.” (Y/n) exclaimed as she held her hands out to stop him from leaving. “I just have heard so much about you--not the way you think, it sounds so weird. I talked to Steve about you once, way back before the battle of New York.”

She peaked his interest at the mention of Steve. “You knew Steve?”

(Y/n) nodded. “He told me all about you. Look, I even have your birthday on my arm.” She told him, lifting up her sleeve to show him the date on her arm, watching his eyes go wide out of shock. “Steve liked to always tease me that I had your birthday, and I always told him that I probably had some old man, sitting in some hospital bed, decaying before our eyes. Wow, I am rambling, I am so sorry. I should leave.” She was bright red as she decided to just leave her cart where it was and accept the humiliation and leave.

“No, you don’t have to go.” Bucky told her, gently grabbing her arm to stop her from leaving. “I guess now that you showed me yours, I’ll show you mine.” He grinned as he let go of her arm, using his left hand to pull up his long sleeve. There on his arm, in bold black numbers was (Y/n)’s birthday clear as day.

“Do you maybe want to go get coffee at that 24 hour place across the street? We might have a bit we need to talk about.” She was dumbfounded. Steve would always tease and joke, telling her that Bucky was her soulmate just because it was the same birthday on her arm. But due to the fact that he was presumed dead for so long, (Y/n) never thought anything of it.

“Are you going to come inside? I’ve been holding the door open for almost a minute.” Bucky asked, laughing a little uncomfortably as he watched the woman just stand at the door of the diner. She didn’t even remember the walk to get there.

(Y/n) blinked, rubbing her eyes as she nodded and walked inside. The sign said seat yourself, and she found a nice seat by the window for the two of them. “Sorry. I guess I’m just a little speechless.”

He chuckled as he shifted in the booth. “I’ll be honest. Me too.”

“So. We’re soulmates.” She shrugged, feeling uncertain of herself. Finding her soulmate was never the first thing on her mind, because she never actually thought that she would find him. Sure, the universe also had a way of making the two cross paths at some point, but because of the age, she never cared.

“When I used to see the date on my arm, I thought it was a joke.” He told her, mumbling that he wanted a coffee when the waiter walked over and asked what they wanted. “She wants a coffee. Two cream, one sugar.” He said as the other man nodded and walked away.

“How did you know my coffee order?” She asked with a raise of her eyebrow.

Bucky opened his mouth like he was about to speak but sighed. “I legit have no idea. My brain was working for me, and it just came out.”

(Y/n) laughed. “I mean, we’re cosmically linked so it does make sense.” The coffee was set down in front of them and she smiled as she held onto the mug. “Is this when I ask if you can tell me about yourself?”

“Where do I start?” He asked as he set his coffee down after taking a sip. “My name is James Buchanan Barnes, but I go by Bucky. James is only for when shit hits the fan I guess.”

“I think I prefer Bucky.” She smiled, watching as his cheeks turned red for a moment.

“What about you Doll? What fun thing do you have to tell me?” Bucky asked her with a smirk, making it her turn to blush.

“I worked for SHIELD, that’s where I met Steve. But then there was that time we found out that Hydra was inside of SHIELD, and technically you tried to kill me.” She pointed out, watching as he put his head down in shame. “But that’s all in the past now. I’m not that person anymore.”

He took a sip of his coffee before he spoke. “What changed?”

(Y/n) sighed, shaking her head as she held onto her coffee mug for warmth. “I was pretty close with Steve and Natasha. Tony helped me get the job at SHIELD, too. Three people that I looked up to more than anything, were gone before I ever got a chance to say goodbye.” She told him, knowing that there would be no more tears left to cry. Her tear-ducts seemed to stop working after she had cried for days straight that they were gone.

“I wasn’t very close to anyone but Steve, but I do understand how you feel.” He told her, leaning across the table to rest a hand on her shoulder. “Do you live in the city?”

“I live pretty close to Hell’s Kitchen.” She told him, watching as he nodded. “I’m guessing you live in Brooklyn?”

He looked a little surprised, but still smiled. “How could you tell?”

She smiled back, a little shy. “Some part of me just knew, but the other part of me heard Steve talk about Brooklyn all the time. He loved it there, and I guess I thought you did too.”

“It’s definitely still amazing, but a lot has changed. I’m still getting used to it all.” Bucky confessed, putting down some money for the coffee as they both finished and stood up from the table.

(Y/n) checked her phone and sighed at the time. 3:30 in the morning, and there was no way she was going to sleep now. Now, she was going to ride the train and hope that the rocking of the subway would be enough to turn her mind off for a while. “I should get going. It’s getting late, and I’m taking the train back.”

He nodded, seeming a little uneasy that she was about to leave. “Do you maybe want my number? We could meet up someday, maybe get to know eachother better?”

She grinned as she handed him her phone. “Put your number in.” She told him as they traded phones, smirking as she put in her contact. “I put my information as (Y/n)-Soulmate, just in case you seemed to forget.”

“Oh trust me, I don’t think I’ll ever forget.” Bucky chuckled as he looked at her contact. “Promise you’ll call?”

“Considering the fact I’ve known you for a few hours, and I’m already completely head-over-heels for you, I don’t think you have to worry.” (Y/n) told him, leaning up and pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. “Bye for now, but not bye forever.”

Bucky was grinning like an idiot, and he knew it. “I like the sound of that. I still just can’t believe I found you after all these years.”

“You better believe it, because you’re going to be seeing a lot more of me from now on.”

MASTERLIST

[aphrodite-would-be-proud]

Your Reiner + The Kids content keeps popping up on my page and I just think it's so cute! Could you write a little something for a sick day with the kids? Whether it be you being sick and Reiner and the Kids taking care of you, or the kids get sick at school and you and Reiner take care of them? 🙏

Of course! I'd love to, especially since you asked so nicely💛 The two scenarios you mentioned seemed really fun so I decide to do them both.

You're sick and Reiner takes care of you but his cousins get sick too.

{ Reiner x reader | tw:vomiting, tw: sickness | fluff, comfort | modern }

{ "The Quiet Hour" 1913 by Albert Chevallier Tayler 1862-1925 }

When the kiddos get sick

It was around noon when Reiner got a call from his cousins' school mentioning Gabi. Having listed himself as her emergency number, Reiner wasted no time in leaving work to go pick her up.

She was waiting at the nurse's office when he arrived, face looking paler than usual and lacking her usual energy, she seemed tired and looked like she just ran a marathon. Reiner felt his heart drop.

To her side, was Falco looking just as worried while attempting to comfort her but not knowing how. When he sees Reiner, he looks at him in desperation as a plea to help.

And that's the story Reiner told you when you came back home that day to him making chicken soup. Gabi on the couch with a blanket wrapped around her and a box of tissue to her left.

To her right, Falco was coaxing her into finishing the glass of juice that Reiner made, saying how important fluids are.

You took her temperature, thankfully it wasn't so high. Before going out to the pharmacy to get some medication, you could see how hard she's trying to push through the sickness and act like it's not there.

Moving Gabi to the bed instead was easier than usual, she still attempted to fight Reiner, insisting she's fine but soon enough ran out of energy.

You and Falco stayed by her side and spoon fed her some chicken soup and other healthy stuff, convincing her eat the vegetables was the hardest. Meanwhile Reiner went to her house to pick up some stuff, she'd be staying with you since her parents were away for the week and he had a spare key.

After school hours, it was only Zofia who showed up with Zeke and Pieck. Apparently Udo's mom caught wind of Gabi's sickness and didn't allow him to go.

Pieck brought enough stuff to distract Gabi and spoil her with snacks, while Zeke took her temperature and symptoms again. Having some experience in the medical field himself, everyone calmed down when he reassured them it's just a fever.

The rest of the day flew by with you all surrounding Gabi, taking her mind off of the sickness and just generally being there for her and showing her how cared about she is.

Around night-time, after Zeke and Pieck took advantage of Reiner's willingness to cook. They decided to head back, taking Zofia with them to drop her off after she promised to bring all missing assignments to Gabi, you don't know if it was a promise or a threat judging by Gabi's reaction.

Colt showed up around midnight, having just finished his shift at work. He too checked on Gabi before saying goodbye and taking Falco with him, who promised he'd visit everyday, you and Reiner knew it's a promise he'll keep.

Letting Gabi have the bed, you and Reiner crashed on the couch, him laying down with you on top of him. You took turns checking on Gabi in the middle of the night.

The rest of the week while she recovered flew by quickly. Falco keeping his promise and showing up everyday, Zofia bringing her all the homework and convincing the teachers to go easy on her since she's sick, Udo video calling her from home to do help her do her homework, definitely not giving her the answers.

Other people dropped by on different days, Bertolt and Annie showing up. Porco "stopping by" every two days, sometimes with Pieck.

Even when her symptoms disappeared and she seemed to get better, Reiner insisted that she still needs a couple days to recover and Zeke backed him up on that.

You were her last hope, knowing you can sway Reiner too, so Gabi attempted her puppy eyes on you but as much as your back was hurting from sharing the couch with Reiner, you said no. She still needs rest.

A Gabi who didn't go outside for a week is a really grumpy Gabi, but you and Reiner had to manage.

When she finally got better, she spent the whole day outside running around and climbing trees, she was going wild with the biggest smile on her face. The other three attempting to keep up with her

Everything was going really well...too well.

It wasn't until you saw Falco sneezed that a feeling of dread settled in you.

The next day, you had 3 missed calls. Two from Udo's mom, one from Zofia's and a text from Colt.

Oh.

When you get sick

At first you thought it was just one of those days where getting out of bed seemed impossible. Just moving your arm to get up was too exhausting, the weather around you switching between being cold and hot every couple seconds.

Just opening your eyes was too much, you called out for Reiner but your voice was too quiet and sore. Attempting to rise it resulted in a coughing fit.

Well Ironicly it did the job, it was loud enough that he heard you from the other room and came in with some water. He seemed really worried and his hand supported your back so you could sit up, he took your temperature.

You were burning up, his hold tightened on you before telling you to rest, it's okay he won't leave your side.

And he was true to his words, he took a couple days off work and stayed by your side. Giving you food he made, making you something warm to drink for your throat, hugging you close to his chest when everything was hurting too much.

You didn't have to move a finger, he'd literally go make you something to eat at 3am if you felt like it. He'd sit behind you on the bed while helping you eat.

The next day when his cousins visited, Reiner explained to them that you're sick and can't get up, also that your room is off limits to them from now on.

Well, the second he walked out the door to go buy some more meds and tissus, it was Gabi who literally ran to your room slamming the door open.

And that's how Reiner came back to four children cuddling you in bed, Gabi telling you stories about her adventures, Falco getting you water, Udo making sure you have enough blanket and pillows and lastly Zofia digging all the snacks from the cupboards and bringing them to you.

He thought about scolding them, but seeing how happy you looked as they told you about how Zofia managed to get the class out of taking a test by tricking the math teacher into talk about her recent trip overseas, made him just smile instead.

But he still made them all wear masks and wash their hands properly.

You spend most of the days asleep, not aware of the visitors that came and went. Occasionally waking up at 2am to find Reiner sleeping in a chair next to the bed, a glass of water nearby.

While reaching for the glass, you noticed a badly made origami letter being held together by stickers, signed by his cousins to you.

It was a letter the four of them made, for you to get well soon. You could distinguish who wrote what by the different handwritings, Udo's being in Cursive.

And somehow that helped make you feel better more than any ibuprofen could. It even had more stickers for you to use in the inside of it, something pharmaceutique companies should look into copying

When the weather is warm enough, Reiner would take you out to the park or garden to get some fresh air. Making sure you wear a mask and wear something comfortable and warm, his cousins would play while you too sit on the bench, his arm wrapped around you protectively.

Gabi and Udo would bring you all the cool rocks they find, hoping their coolness will cure you. While Falco and Zofia brought you the really pretty flowers with nice smells.

Reiner had your hand in his lap, holding it close and rubbing his thumb over it. Occasionally asking if you're alright or need something.

[pomegranatebitch]

make it better, make it better

sambucky┃2k words┃mentioned civilian death

Summary: Sam comes home from a hard day of being Captain America, and while Bucky can’t shoulder the burden for him, he can take care of his boyfriend and show him he’s loved

((Just soft sambucky, Bucky taking care of Sam because he fucking deserves it))

_________________

“I can’t do it. I can’t fucking do it anymore!”

Sam came bursting into their shared Louisiana apartment at a full 10. He ripped the wings off his back with such force Bucky thought he might break them even though he knew they were indestructible. Sam practically threw the shield across the floor like it had burned him, crashing it into the kitchen table.

Bucky quickly rose from where he’d been half paying attention to a late night Golden Girls marathon while waiting for Sam to get home. Blanche and Rose bickered quietly in the background while Sam huffed out rapid breaths, desperately trying to yank the suit off with shaking hands.

“I can’t get this fucking thing off!” He nearly yelled into their otherwise still apartment.

Bucky approached him tentatively, hands out but unsure what to do with them. “Here, let me help—”

“I got it! Just don’t— I…” Sam snapped but the fight drained out of him as soon as it had appeared. He stumbled to the living room and sat down heavily on the couch, his face buried in his hands as he hunched over himself. The soft chatter of the TV was the only noise in the room as Bucky stood frozen, watching Sam’s back rise and fall with slow deliberate breaths.

After a minute of dead silence, Bucky circled around the couch slowly, clicking the TV off and gingerly sitting down on the opposite side of the couch, leaving plenty of room between them.

When Sam finally spoke, his voice cracked with unshed tears. “I can’t do it anymore.” Even with his super hearing, Bucky had to strain to hear him.

Bucky nodded slowly, though Sam wouldn’t have been able to see him, still hiding his face with his palms. “Can you tell me what happened?” Bucky whispered.

At that, Sam laughed. But it wasn’t his usually sunshine-filled, pure joy laugh. This was dark, sarcastic. Exhausted. “What didn’t happen?” He bit back.

It took a minute and several more deep breaths but he finally continued.

“I was in Dallas on an emergency call, supposedly some threat against a Senator’s life and I got called in. Fuck, it was half pony show and half media circus. They didn’t need me there. They just wanted Captain America standing behind some politician trying to pass some bill with some agenda, hell I don’t even know.

“Then they had a press conference and stuck me in front of a microphone. Some reporter…I don’t know who…he asked why I’d chosen to stay there in Dallas rather than help with the evacuations in Miami.”

Bucky made a small, confused noise but otherwise let Sam go on.

“Apparently, while I was being paraded around for some asshole Senator who probably didn’t need any extra protection in the first place, someone set off a pipe bomb in a café in Miami. I didn’t even know about it until that reporter asked. They caught the guy in minutes but fourteen people were injured and one girl—” he had to pause to collect himself, “one girl died in the blast.”

Sam finally took his face out of his hands and turned to look toward Bucky. Silent tears were streaming down his face but his eyes looked like he was a thousand miles away. “I saw the news after the press conference, Buck. She was 20. She was studying aerospace engineering, had an internship at NASA this next summer. She looked—” a sob wracked his hunched frame, “she looked just like Sarah did when she a kid.”

At that, all the fight left Sam’s body and Bucky caught him in his arms, waiting to see if Sam might pull away and when he only curled around Bucky further, he pulled Sam even closer to his chest. Bucky could feel where tears were soaking through the shoulder of his t-shirt as he rubbed one hand soothingly in circles across Sam’s back, the other coming up to cup the back of his head.

Bucky didn’t say anything. There was nothing he could say to Sam that Sam didn’t already know himself. Sam knew there was nothing he could have done to prevent the attack. Sometimes terrible things just happened, and there wasn’t a rhyme or reason why. People died in tragic accidents and no amount of superheroes was ever going to change that.

Even if he’d flown to Miami the second the blast went off, it would have taken him hours to get there and by then first responders would have taken all the survivors to hospitals and with the perp detained, there would have been nothing left for Sam to do but stare at the rubble.

Bucky couldn’t change the events of the day, he couldn’t make Sam not secretly feel guilty for the young woman’s death, he couldn’t shoulder that burden for his partner. But he could sit with him here in this moment and just hold him while he cried.

And so he did.

Neither of them knew how much time had passed when Sam’s sobs turned to hiccups turned to sniffles. Bucky just stayed there with Sam wrapped in his arms until Sam finally peeled himself off Bucky and rubbed at his eyes.

“I’m sorry I snapped earlier,” Sam whispered.

“Don’t be,” Bucky replied definitively.

“I actually…could use some help getting out of the suit.”

Bucky offered his partner a half smile and gently led Sam from the couch into their shared bathroom. He started running a hot bath, adding in the lavender oils he knew Sam loved best.

In silence, Bucky undid all the hidden zippers and buckles that kept the vibranium suit in place and slowly peeled it off Sam’s body, stripping him too of his underclothes until Sam stood naked and dazed on the cool tile floors.

Bucky stepped in front of him, studying Sam’s face, searching for every little emotion written across his delicate features. Bucky reached up, running a thumb across Sam’s cheekbone, wiping away a stray tear as Sam blinked his eyes closed.

With one last check of the water’s temperature, Bucky helped Sam step into the tub and get settled, Sam’s eyes drifting shut under the comforting heat of the bath.

Bucky dropped a single kiss to Sam’s hair before pulling back. “Come out when you’re ready,” he whispered, not wanting to break the calm quiet.

Sam just nodded and slipped lower under the water and Bucky took that as his signal to go.

It was almost two hours until Sam finally emerged from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist and looking decidedly calmer and more present than before. Seeing the crisis had passed, Bucky unashamedly took a minute to admire his boyfriend, the planes of his stomach cutting sharply downward, gesturing to more, and his dark skin practically glowing in the soft light coming from the kitchen. And god, those arms. The things Bucky wanted Sam to do to him with those arms…well his brain was short circuiting a bit at the moment but he’d be sure to lay kisses over every inch of them as soon as he had Sam in bed with him.

When he spoke, Sam’s voice was still a bit gruff from crying hours ago and wow it should not have been as sexy as it was but it was doing things for Bucky. “I know it’s like 2am… but any chance there’s some leftovers or something in the fridge? Between the emergency call this morning and all the meetings and press conferences I don’t think I ever stopped for lunch. Hell, I’d bite into a raw onion right now just to get something to eat.”

Bucky laughed at that. “Slow down, Sammy. I’m sure we can get you something better than that,” he said, gesturing at the kitchen table.

“Is that—” Sam started, eyeing the mound of food that he hadn’t noticed when he came in.

“Two steak burritos from Delmar’s and a metric shit ton of chips and guac. Still don’t know why you like that stuff, tastes like baby food if you ask me.”

“Hush up, Delmar’s in sacred,” Sam said, already digging in to the feast while Bucky watched him with a dopey grin on his face.

Sam cut him a side glance. “Staring,” he grunted out between bites as he’d already inhaled the first burrito.

“Get used to it, Wilson.”

“Fuck, how’d you get it this late, I thought they closed at 11?”

Bucky shrugged. “You left in a hurry this morning, didn’t even grab coffee. If you’re forgetting coffee, you’re definitely gonna forget to eat. Got it ordered to here while I was waiting for you to come home.”

Sam finally paused just before shoving a massive tortilla chip in his mouth. “You ordered it here? Like what, on a delivery app?”

“You know, technology’s really not as hard as you think it is to learn. I mean, they make it easy enough for an idiot to use.”

“Oh so you’re finally admitting you’re an idiot?” Sam grinned.

“Your idiot,” Bucky smirked right back.

“Damn straight.”

Bucky eyed the empty tinfoil wrappers and crumpled paper bag, Sam having finished the meal in record time. “You sure you ain’t a supersoldier?”

Sam laughed, once again bright and warm. “Man, shut the hell up.”

“Make me.”

“Mm, that can be arranged.” Sam got up from his seat and the table and sauntered over to Bucky, still wrapped in only a towel that was slipping lower and lower down his hips.

The kiss Sam pressed to Bucky’s mouth was impossibly sweet, all the biting quips falling away as Sam pulled away, lingering just a hair’s breadth away from Bucky’s lips, nearly making Bucky moan in anticipation, though he caught the sound in his throat.

“Thank you,” Sam breathed. “For everything.” His eyes had fluttered closed but his brow was smooth and free from any stress that had craved it’s way there earlier.

“I’ll always be here for you,” Bucky murmured back. “Thank you for coming home to me.”

They stayed there in that moment, neither wanting to break the soft thing cradled between them, until a yawn forced it’s way over Sam’s face.

“Alright,” Bucky laughed, scooping Sam up with his hands under his thighs, Sam immediately responding by wrapping his legs around Bucky’s waist and grabbing Bucky’s face between his hands. “Bedtime for superheroes.”

“Make me,” Sam joked, but the words were cut short by yet another yawn.

Bucky just snorted as he lugged his half-naked boyfriend back into their bedroom, depositing him on their bed and turning to rifle through their dresser until he found a soft pair of flannel pyjama pants and a light pink durag and tossed both to his partner. Bucky detatched his prosthetic arm as he’d recently started doing more at night and laid the vibranium arm on top of the dresser.

Crawling into bed, Sam let Bucky pull his back to his chest with one strong hand until Sam was snuggly positioned under Bucky’s chin, their legs tangled together under the covers.

“You got anywhere to be tomorrow?” Bucky asked, easily falling into their usual short nightly discussion.

“Uh, got a briefing at 2 with Torres, but I should really get up at 6 for a run and—”

“Take the morning off, Sam. You need to sleep.” Bucky squeezed the arm he had thrown across Sam’s chest a little tighter. “The world can wait for Sam Wilson for another couple hours.”

“But—” Sam started.

“I’ll make pancakes if you agree to sleep in.”

Well now Sam was backed into a corner. Everyone knew Bucky’s blueberry pancakes were things of legend. He’d once seen AJ and Cass wrestle each other for the last one before Bucky broke it up by agreeing to make one more.

“Fine,” Sam huffed, sure that Bucky could hear the smile creeping into his voice. “But I’m out of bed by 10 or you’ll pay for it, Barnes.”

“Aye, aye, Captain,” Bucky teased.

When Sam finally drifted off to sleep, it was with a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth and his heart feeling lighter than it had all month.

[nxrthmizu]

| stay the night | Matsukawa Issei

»»——⍟——««

song | Toothbrush - DNCE

pairing | Matsukawa Issei x Reader 

warning(s) | Implied sexual intercourse

words | 1.6k 

author’s note | Hello its late but ayeeee also not beta/proof-read so it probably sucks but umm yes I’ll come back to edit this later its late and I’m tired 

»»——⍟——««

You were like quicksand. 

The more he struggled, the faster he sunk. But who said he didn’t want to succumb to you? 

“Going somewhere?” His drowsy drawl filled the air between the two of you, your movements freezing as if someone had pressed the pause button on you. You were in the middle of collecting your discarded clothes, tugging on your crumpled T-shirt that had seen better days. 

Your words caught in your throat, like water in a river when it crashed face-into-face with a concrete dam. “I...” 

The night was dark outside, which wasn’t a surprise seeing as it read 2am on his bedside clock. Even in the darkness, you could make out the sharp lines of his toned body, a result of his years of volleyball and continuos exercise. And even in the darkness, you could see the adorable sleepy smile he was wearing. (God, why did he have to be so good-looking???) 

“You know, baby you don’t have to rush.” He said smoothly, as if he didn’t just catch you hurrying away from a one-night stand. Well, it wasn’t exactly a one-night stand, the two of you had gotten... Intimate before. “You could leave a toothbrush at my place.” 

How could he resist from admiring you? The full moon outside highlighted the etherealness of your skin, painting you as a goddess whose beauty was unrivalled in all four corners of the world. The white sheet you clung around yourself only accented his image of you as a divine being, one that he had been blessed to meet. 

“I... Don’t think that’d be a good idea.” Your nervous laugh made him frown. Why were you so nervous anyway? Weren’t you so pliant and submissive to his touch only a couple hours ago? 

“There’s someone else, isn’t there?” He interrupted, his sharp eyes catching on your numerous giveaways. Your hands were shaking, you avoided eye contact, and you stuttered. Yes, maybe he hadn’t really gotten to know you outside his bedroom, but he knew how to recognise the signs of someone concealing the whole truth from him. 

A sigh slid out from your lips. “Okay, look. My parents... Engaged me to someone, alright?” A breath of air escaped your mouth in a huff. “I don’t want to get married to him, but... My parents don’t want to die without seeing me in a wedding dress. Which is stupid, but they’re not getting any younger.” 

“What, are you sharing a bed with him, too?” He snorted, trying his best to hold back the splash of jealousy that sparked across his tone. 

You surveyed him carefully, your eyes trailing over his toned muscles. “... No, but it just... Feels wrong if I spend the night with someone else.” Reluctantly, you admitted why you’d never stay, confessing the guilt that plunged into your stomach like a heavy rock. 

“Hold on, let’s rewind this a little...” Shaking his head, he held his hand up to stop you from talking. “This... Guy that you’re marrying... Do you like him at all?” 

The lip bite was enough of an answer for him. 

“You don’t.” He concluded simply, watching you struggle for a response. 

“Well-! He’s... Nice, but a little of a pushover, and... Very reliant on his mother...” You noted with a wince. “Actually, screw that, I don’t see how its’ going to work out. His mom literally treats him like a five-year-old and he acts like he’s five-years-old.” 

A scoff rang in Issei’s bedroom, rumbling from the depths of his throat to the vibrations in your ear drum. “You deserve someone better than that.” 

“Are you volunteering?” 

“If I am, will you stay the night?” 

»»——⍟——««

Issei had never understood when Hanamaki explained that waking up next to someone you loved was the best feeling in the world. At least, he never understood until the morning sun trickled in through the slits of the curtains and he got a glimpse of your (hair colour) hair, swung over the pearl-coloured pillows. 

Oh, and you were a blanket hogger. 

Not that he minded. The nights were always too hot for him and he normally ended up kicking them off anyway. You, on the other hand, were wrapped up like a dumpling. 

He froze when you stirred, moving in your sleep until you cuddled up next to him, tucking your chin into his chest with a satisfied hum. He didn’t dare move. Everything in him stopped momentarily. What if his heart beat too loud and he woke you up? (If he could’ve stopped his heartbeat he would). 

It was in this way he gradually fell back asleep, your head tucked in his chest and his breathing eventually lining up with your steady ones. His phone rang once when his coworker texted to ask if he was okay, he responded with a quick ‘I’m sick’ and typed the shortest leave-requesting-email he had ever written in his entire life, trying to get the letters right without waking you up. 

By the time he woke up, it was past 9am, and the sun was mercilessly beating down on him at that point. A yawn coursed through his body before he realised something wrong.

You were missing. 

To your credit, you had stayed the night. Surely he couldn’t have expected you to stay in the morning, too? 

“You’re awake.” 

If he got a heart attack at that moment, Issei could die a happy man. As far as he could tell, you were dressed in only one of his t-shirts, the garment overflowing from your smaller shoulder width to your mid-thighs. He was also pretty sure his jaw dropped and he gaped at you for a decent amount of time, which would be embarrassing but really, could you blame him? 

“I could get used to seeing you like this every morning.” He commented once he had recovered from his state of partial shock. 

Your hair cascaded over your neck, and it was in that moment that Issei found out you were one of those people that could roll out of bed with your hair looking messy but in a perfect way. He would never change the position of a single strand, even if he was held at gunpoint. Why would anyone change perfection, anyway? 

“I took the liberty of using your kitchen.” You replied with a smile. “Wash up and come out to eat. I took the day off.” 

When Issei said he had never washed up that quickly in his entire life before, he truly meant it. He didn’t even run that fast when he missed his alarm and remembered there was a practice match that morning. 

“About what I said last night.” He begin speaking while washing up the dishes, the soap bubbles eavesdropping on your conversation rather blatantly. You were leaning against the wall, your eyes judgemental as you eyed the (lack of) content in his fridge. “About volunteering.” 

“Oh, it’s fine. I’ll probably just divorce him after a year or something.” 

“No, it’s not fine. If you marry him I swear I will attend the wedding and I will raise my hand when the priest says ‘Speak now or forever hold your peace’.” He threatened, waving around the plate you put the fried eggs on. “I’ll marry you.” 

“I’m sorry?” 

Issei shot you a weird look. “Why are you sorry?” 

“I’m sor- Did you say you’ll marry me?” Bewilderment painted your tone and your flummoxed expression, eyes as wide as the saucers Issei just finished washing. 

“Uh... Yeah? You don’t want to marry him, I don’t want you to marry him, so you can marry me instead.” He explained, as if it was as simple as 1 + 1. “Your parents get to see you in a wedding dress.” 

You blinked a couple times just to make sure you weren’t delusional. “How on Earth did you manage to come to that conclusion?” 

“I don’t want you to marry anyone but me!” He defended, putting down the plate before he broke something and got the two of you injured by the sharp edges that would no doubt result from a broken plate. “Consider this with me for a moment. I would never pressure you into doing anything, you’re free to go anywhere you want as long as you’re safe and I know where you are, and uh...” He fumbled around for the last reason. “And you can use the coupons for free massages that I get from my volleyball magazine subscription.” 

“Is that how you try and convince someone to marry you?” 

“Wait, I have more reasons!” 

“Such as?” 

“I... Can make really nice coffee?” He suggested hopefully. “Oh, uh, I like kids. And... I’ll definitely put a lot of effort into planning dates. Plus I’m not a pushover, and I’m not mama’s boy.” He paused for a moment before adding: “That’s not to say I’m not nice to my mom. I transfer checks to her every month, I call her every Monday night, and I visit her on every second week of the month.” 

You stared at him quietly. “... Then what do you suggest we do? I can’t just call my parents and go: ‘Hey, I was sleeping with this guy while you engaged me with this boy I didn’t even want to marry, can I marry the person I was sleeping with instead?’” 

“Or, I could call your parents.” 

“That sounds like a terrible idea.” 

“Do you have any better ideas?” 

“Seeing as I just agreed to marry you, I don’t think any ideas I have at the moment would be rational.” 

“I’m the one who just asked you to marry me, aren’t my ideas even more irrational?” 

»»——⍟——««

when Issei asks you to stay the night and you end up agreeing to marry him instead,,, on a separate note please don’t agree to marry a guy impulsively okay, look at what happened to Anna from Frozen 

taglist. @mrs-kuroojinguji @procrastination-lady @drippinginhoneyandgold @shoyosun @aka-a-shii @shibayamasbae @churochuu @seijohlogy @dearsukuna @whootwhoot

send an ask to be either @owlywrites or @cadenceh2o to be added to Cadowly’s Songfic December taglist!

Kageyama’s fic is supposed to come out tomorrow :’) I haven’t even started writing it 

[anarcoqueer1994]

I Need You Close

Bucky has been crashing with Steve since he came back from the blip. Steve apparently bought this small, beautiful country house on a couple acres with a barn, a few hours from the city in upstate New York. He invited Bucky to stay with him for "as long as he needs," even if that was forever. Truth be told, Steve kind of hoped it would be forever wanting Bucky to stay close to him. He could put aside how in love he was with the other man, as long as he was at least there. Not having his friend for five years after just getting him back, he refused to lose him again. This included him trying to secretly entice Bucky not to return to Wakanda. Sure Steve visited him often during his time there years ago, but he was so far away. But he knew Bucky had enjoyed his time there. Steve used to love to hear Bucky gush over his goats.  It was absolutely adorable, not that he would ever tell the  other man.

After Bucky disappeared, he never gave up hope that he would find a way to bring him back. He believed in this so much that he had actually bought this house shortly after he was gone, deciding that if he ever got Bucky back, he would give him the life he deserved, some peace. Again, not something he would ever admit to Bucky. It was, in fact, a little weird to buy your best friend a beautiful home in hopes he would live with you. But he did make sure as soon Bucky agreed to stay there, that he got some goats. He had loved seeing the brunette's face light up at the site of them when he first got there. Steve again played it off like he had goats all along, and didn't specifically but them for his friend.

Steve was around the house most days, having retired as Captain America, passing the shield onto Sam Wilson. He would sit on their big front porch and draw whatever caught his eye. Most of the time, the thing that caught his eye would be Bucky, doing various things around the property. It always seems like Bucky is continuously so restless, always trying to busy himself. Steve didn't mind, gave him something to draw.

Bucky was way more likely to leave the house. Sometimes he would go on missions with Sam, being away for a few days at time. Steve knew the man could hold his own obviously, but Sam still sent him secret texts every time, letting him know Bucky was okay.

Also, as part of the conditions of Bucky's pardon, he must drive in the city once a week to meet with his court appointed therapist. Steve thinks it's ridiculous that he even has conditions to his pardon considering that Bucky was a literal prisoner of war and was tortured and brainwashed for years. He let the government know exactly how he felt about it, but it didn't make a difference. So as it stands, once a week, Bucky has to drive two hours into the city to deal with it, even if it wasn't helping him, really.

Today was one of those days. Bucky had left early in the morning before Steve even woke up, probably trying to beat the city traffic. His appointment is 9am so Steve wasn't expecting him home until close to 1pm. Steve was using this opportunity to plan a surprise for his friend. Bucky had been sleeping on the floor in the living room. Steve had told him that the couch was a pull-out sofa bed, but Bucky still didn't use it. Steve assumed that it must not have been a comfortable mattress if the floor was more comfortable. Sometimes in the middle of the night while Steve was fast asleep, Bucky would sneak into his room and lay on the floor. Steve would find him there in the morning. Bucky had told him that the soft rug in Steve's room was more comfortable than the hardwood of the living room. He obviously didn't mind Bucky being in his room, he just didn't like that he was sleeping on the floor.

Steve had felt absolutely terrible that his friend was sleeping like this, knowing Bucky was having nightmares, even though he never talked about them. The floor couldn't be helping his sleep, so he was having a brand-new queen-size bed delivered and set up in the empty guest room. He had planned to make this Bucky's room all along, he just hadn't wanted to seem pushy when the man first showed up. But it's been three months at this point, so he pulled the trigger. The bed was so comfortable, and Steve had picked out beautiful bedding that was soft and luxurious. He knew he may have gone overboard but he hoped Bucky wouldn't point that out.

Steve was just finishing setting up the bed and making it all nice and fancy when he heard Bucky's car pull up the long dirt driveway. When Bucky enters the house, he calls out "Stevie, I'm home! I grabbed some food from the diner up the street for lunch. "

Steve smiles to himself as he listens to the man using the familiar nickname towards him. If anyone else called him that, he would hate it, making him feel little again. But with Bucky it always just made him feel warm. He made his way to where Bucky was at, standing in the kitchen.

“Hey bud,” Steve smiled as he steps towards the other man, holding out a bag a food at him. “Thanks.” He says as he takes it.

“No problem, I was starving so I figured I’d grab you something too.” Bucky smiles back, heading to the kitchen table, Steve following close behind.

“How much was my lunch? I’ll grab my wallet after we eat.” He says as he sits next to Bucky, maybe it was weird that they always sat next to each other and not across from one another, but its what they always did. Neither man would ever admit that it was because they wanted to be as close as possible to the other, both too oblivious that the other man wanted the same thing.

“What are you talking about? Its on me.” Bucky laughs “You have let me stay at your house for months and have refused to take any money for it, I think I can afford lunch."

He would never consider taking money from Bucky. For years when they lived together as young adults, Bucky had supported him when he was too sick to work. “It’s the least I can do.” Steve says, shrugging his shoulders and then changing the subject before the other man had a chance to argue. “So how was your appointment, Buck?”

“Uh, fine.” He says dismissively. Steve expected this. Bucky never goes into detail about these sessions. Steve wants to respect his friend’s privacy, doesn’t want to force him to talk about the nightmares and whatever else he may be discussing in the privacy of his therapist office. But that doesn’t mean that Steve doesn’t want to help. Not wanting to push though, Steve just nods in response.

They finish eating, talking about little day to day things, just enjoying each other’s company. After lunch, Bucky stands up and starts heading back out the door.

“Where are you heading?” Steve asks instinctively, before reminding himself that it was none of his business.

 “I’m going to go check on the goats.” He beams at Steve.  They only have four but Steve loves how much Bucky seems to love them.  But he really wants to show him his surprise before he goes outside.

“Hold up a second, okay? I have something I want to show you first.” Steve asks.

“Okay?” Bucky gives a questioning glance as the blonde stands up and starts towards the hallway, signaling for him to follow.

They get to the guest/Bucky’s new bedroom. Steve opens the door, Bucky following behind. Bucky’s eyes went wide at the sight of the bed, It looked warm and inviting, but not something Bucky wanted to sleep on. He says “What’s this?”

"Surprise, you like it?" Steve smiles at him. “I figured it's not fair you sleep on the floor, so I got you this."

Bucky looks dumbfounded. He doesn't want to appear ungrateful, especially with Steve smiling so sweetly at him, so he says "Uh thanks, Steve.." But inside he was fighting with himself. On one hand yeah he went to sleep on something soft and comfortable like this bed, but on the other hand, this room was too far away from where he wanted to be. He liked the living room because Steve's room is right off it and he liked being close to Steve. Steve was his safe space, his anchor to reality. That's why on particularly bad nights, he would end up on Steve's floor. Obviously, he’d never tell Steve the truth about why he was in there, always lying the next morning. This new bedroom though is all the way down the hallway. 

He also liked sleeping on the floor, as he connected to a time in his he and Steve were happy and he was not always plagued with nightmares, when they would pull out pillows and blankets, laying on the floor, having sleepovers way too late into their teen years, before moving in together after Sarah died. That was the last time he slept in a bed, too. When they were too poor to afford two, but Steve always insisted that they share because he didn’t think it was fair that he got the bed and Bucky got nothing. Bucky would tell himself that the reason he always ended up pulling Steve too close was to stay warm, but he knew he was lying to himself. Anyways, since then he only wanted to sleep in a bed if Steve was in their too.

Steve noticed the trepidation in his voice. He says "What is it, Buck? Is it the bedding? I knew it was too much, I'm sorry."

Bucky shakes his head. "No Stevie, it's perfect." He flashes a beautiful smile. Steve had gone out of his way to get him this, and he did not want the blonde man to think he didn't like it, even if the thought of sleeping in here tonight alone terrified him.

Steve tentatively nods his head, knowing that the other man isn't telling him something but doesn't want to push. But he wasn't imagining it, something seemed off about Bucky’s reaction.

~

The rest of the day was fine, neither man thinking much about the bed. But now it was 2am and Bucky found himself shooting up from a nightmare. He couldn't fall asleep on the bed; he just could not get comfortable. But he didn't want to let Steve know that, after all it was a wonderful gift. So, he falls asleep on his own bedroom floor.

But that sleep had been interrupted by another nightmare. This time it wasn't a victim of the Winter Soldier. It was a nightmare of the torture at the hands of Hydra. He had woken up sweaty and his heart was pounding out of his chest. Tears stained his cheeks; he must have been crying in his sleep.  It felt too real, and he found himself shaking.

Usually he would look over at Steve's bedroom door, using his serum enhanced hearing to listen in on the steady breaths indicating that Steve was sleeping. But more importantly, seeing it as a way to ground himself back into reality. He never talks about his nightmares with Steve. He doesn't want to add more weight onto the other man's shoulders. Steve has been looking out for him ever since he found out he was the Winter Soldier, literally almost getting himself killed and breaking up The Avengers over Bucky. It felt so weird because back when they were younger, it was Bucky who used to look out for Steve. So, he was fine to handle his nightmares on his own if he could silently assure himself that at least Steve was near and real.

But he couldn't do that this time, this room is so separated from Steve. He knows Steve meant well when getting this room ready for him. But Bucky hated being so far away. It's not like its Steve's fault though. How could he know that the only reason Bucky is still holding on, trying to make it through each day was because of him. The truth is Bucky is so in love with Steve and Steve is the only person in the world that makes him feel safe.

Against his better judgment, Bucky picks up his pillow and quietly leaves his bedroom. He pads softly down the hallway, trying his best to remain silent. He plans on quietly slipping into Steve's room and sleeping on the floor. The nightmare had really messed him up, and he couldn't shake the fears he felt reliving his torture through his dream. He needed Steve's presence, the little noises he makes as he sleeps, the smell that filled his bedroom that was so quintessentially him. He would have to make up some excuse in the morning about why he was on the floor given that he has his own bed now, but at this moment he really needed this.

He cracks Steve's door open slowly, trying to mitigate the amount of noise he was making. Steve appears asleep as he looks in, so he slowly enters the room, closing the door behind him. He makes his way to a spot on the floor at the end of Steve's bed. Before he could lay down though, he heard a sleepy voice say "Bucky?"

He freezes in his tracks, looking like a deer in the headlights at the now sitting up man staring at him from his bed, flipping on the side table light.  He doesn’t know what to do or say as Steve stares at him, confused on why he was there. He could only hear his heart pounding in his ears, the deafening silence around him making it feel like his world was crashing in around him.

It’s Steve who breaks through that silence though, noticing in the light Bucky’s tear stained face.  He whispers in a soft voice as he tries to put his friend at ease. “What is it, Buck?” Steve’s own features painted over in worry.

Bucky feels even worse now. He had thought Steve was asleep, and now because of his carelessness, Steve was now worried about him. He tries to speak as calmly as possible, but the adrenaline and fear that was still pumping through him from his dream, made it hard to control his voice. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be in here.” His voice cracks like he was holding back a sob, as he turns on his heels to leave, hoping that Steve will never bring this up again.

As he reaches the door though, he feels a hand on his shoulder, stilling him in his spot. He forgot how fast Steve could be. Steve had put something together when he saw Bucky’s face and reaction. He feels so dumb for not putting it together sooner when he first caught Bucky on his floor months ago. Steve doesn’t say anything, just steps between the other man and the door, throwing his arms around him, and pulling him into a hug. 

For Bucky’s part, he wants to resist, pull away, never talk about this again. He wants Steve to not worry about him. But he is not strong enough. As soon he feels Steve’s arms around him, he can’t help but lean into. He buries his head into the crook of Steve’s neck, letting his arms wrap around Steve’s waist.  That’s when Steve feels silent tears against his skin as Bucky starts to cry despite his attempts to hold back the tears. But now that the dam is open he can't stop.

Steve moves a hand to the back of Bucky’s head, stroking his hair softly, whispering “It’s alright, Buck…it’s alright…I’m here.” He hopes he is saying the right thing. Apparently, he is, as he feels the other man grip him tighter. All Steve wants to do is make all his friend’s pain go away. Bucky is the best person he has ever known, and it’s not fair that he must bear all this trauma, these nightmares, more pain than anyone person should ever have to endure.

Bucky starts to tremble in Steve's arms, pretty sure that if it weren't for Steve holding him up, his knees would give out right now. He whimpers "I'm sorry...I'm sorry…." Suddenly, Bucky's body goes stiff with fear in Steve's arms and then it's like he was not there anymore. 

He isn't in Steve's arms, he is in a cold metal room deep in Hydra's base.Accept it wasn't him, it was the asset, the Winter Soldier, the thing that was not him but always intrinsically tied to him. He shared it's memories, it's pain. He, the asset, just got back from a mission and something went wrong, a couple of their guys get killed. It hadn't been his, its, fault but it was there favorite thing to punish, to take out their anger at when a mission went wrong, because the asset couldn't fight, it and Bucky sharing a headspace, having to just take it. Those who abused the asset only had to leave it in good enough shape for the technicians to still clean up, wipe, and start over for the next time he was thawed.

The Winter Soldier was strapped to a chair, where he was given orders not to fight back. The men surrounding had berated him, and assaulted him wooden rods and electric shocks that left him smelling of burnt hair. It hurt like hell, the men going far enough where he would have been dead had he not been a super soldier. Times like this Bucky's voice would push through to the top of his, letting out little sobs and screams, the torture too much him. Tears broke free, and no matter how hard the asset fought, he could not stop them. The asset passes out. He passes out. 

Suddenly he shoots up, and looks around the room frantically, confusion covering his face when he sees Steve sitting on the edge of the bed holding a glass of water. Bucky's face was still tear stained. He is in the middle of the bed...Steve's bed..as the other man watches him, his face looking scared and anxious.  Bucky thinks Steve is too gorgeous for his face to be distorted by all those bad emotions. Bucky vaguely remembers being in Steve's arms a few moments ago...and then he was not. He rubs his face, Steve staring carefully at him, like if he stares too hard he might break his friend into two, he is keeping his distance, not wanting to touch Bucky in fear of spooking the other man.

Finally Steve whispers "Are you alright?" While reaching his hand out to Bucky so he may grab the water glass from his hand. Bucky instinctively takes it, taking a large sip. Steve was so sweet to him, even having something as simple as water ready for him. Bucky blushes at the thought before returning to the issues at hand.

"Yea, Stevie...I'm fine...what happened?" He looks at Steve, disoriented and confused trying to piece together what happened, why he was in Steve's bed.

Steve scoots closer on the bed, so he could reach Bucky's out stretched legs, tentatively placing a comforting hand on Bucky's knee, waiting to see the other man's reaction. Bucky lets it rest there, actually he felt safer this way. 

Steve replies to his question softly, trying to hide how scared he was when he replies. "I was holding...hugging you and suddenly you started apologizing before falling into a trance. It was like you were awake but not with me. You started to thrash in my arms, so I helped you to the ground, not wanting you to feel trapped by me but also not wanting you to fall to the ground. You kept screaming out in pain, asking them to stop… no begging them."' Bucky watches as Steve closed his eyes like he was remembering something particularly painful, before looking at him again. "And then you passed out, and I was so worried, so I moved you here and waited. You have been out for almost half an hour now.  And Buck...I'm so sorry."

Suddenly the memory plays in Bucky's head, the torture and pain, not so much reliving it like a few minutes ago but just remembering it. He must have had a flashback brought on by PTSD. He doesn't have these often, only when the nightmares get the worst. He looks into Steve's bright blue eyes focused on him, wondering why he was apologizing now.  "Why are you apologizing?" His voice quiet, embarrassment starting to take over knowing that Steve saw him so vulnerable, so weak again, another thing for Steve to deal with.

"Buck…" Steve's voice was unsteady. "I'm sorry that you had to go through years of torture, I'm so sorry I didn't save you that day on the train. I let you get captured because I was too dumb to realize you could be a live."

Bucky shakes his head in disbelief. Of course his friend would blame himself. He lets out a little huff before responding, his eyes seeing into Steve's.  "Steven Grant Rogers, I hate to break it to you, but that is the stupidest thing you have ever said."

Steve goes to open his mouth in reply before Bucky cuts him off. "I don't want to hear it. What Hydra did was Hydra's fault. They are the ones that hurt me, not you. No, you are the one who tried to single handedly take down Hydra to avenge me. You were the one who almost let me kill him to get me back. You are the one who broke up the Avengers, and went on the run for me. And…" Bucky pauses, thinking over his next words carefully. "That's the reason I do not want you to have to deal with my nightmares and flashbacks. You have done too much for me already….My mess is too much." His voice gets shaky, guilt pushing through to the surface.

Steve smiles sadly at his friend. "I guess we are both saying dumb things tonight. Cuz here's the thing, pal. You are never too much for me. I'm here to help you through anything, even if it is just a shoulder to cry on, or someone to talk to, someone to hug you. It's what we do. We are Bucky and Steve, always there for each other no matter how messy. It's been like this since you kicked Ricky Smith in the balls on my 4th birthday for pushing me into the mud and trying to blow out my candles. Til the end of the line, 'member?" Steve flashes that beautiful smile, sending sparkles to his eyes, the thing that has never changed regardless of his size. The first thing Bucky ever noticed about Steve.

Bucky swallows hard, taking in the weight of what Steve just said. He looks down at the strong hand on his knee, and without processing what he was doing, moves his hand down so it rests gently on top of the other hand, slotting his fingers in between Steve's. He doesn't know why he did it and when he finally realizes what he did, he turns bright red, rushing to pull back. 

Before his can get far though, he feels Steve's hand leave his knee so it could reach up and gently grab the wrist of the fleeting hand. Bucky is sure Steve must be able to hear his heart pounding against his rib cage.

The blonde haired man says "You... didn't need to move your hand, I, um don't mind it." Bucky's eyes must be playing tricks on him, because he swore he saw Steve blush.

Bucky stares at him, letting his wrist stay in the other man's hand. His mouth feels dry all of a sudden as he tries to swallow up the lump in his throat. He takes a shaky breath, hoping Steve will say something because he can't, not until he knows for sure he is reading this situation right.

He watched Steve carefully drop his hand back into his lap, trying not to show the rush of disappointment that was flooding him as he dropped his eyes to his now vacant hand. But that disappointment was quickly cut off, as he felt the mattress shift, Steve was moving closer, pushing up the bed until he was right next to Bucky. His shoulder against the other man's now. So close that Bucky could smell the soap clean skin of Steve. He could just breathe him in. They sat close to each other for a while, Bucky staring straight forward, trying not to look at the man next to him, in fear give his face would give away everything he was feeling. How he wanted Steve to love him... be in love with him, how he wanted to just lay on his chest and let Steve shield him from all the bad dreams, like he wanted to just let Steve take care of him. And he would do all that for Steve. He could be his protector, lover, biggest supporter.

He practically jumps out of his skin when Steve breaks the silence, still staring ahead, like he was equally afraid to let Bucky see his face. He whispers "Do you want to maybe sleep in here, with me? Would that be alright?" His cheeks are glowing bright red."

Without thinking about it, Bucky quietly answers "Yes…I'd like that." His words are shaky as he turns towards the other man. He is nervous….but also hopeful. The most hope he has felt in a long time. He has hope that Steve may want what he wants.

Steve finally turns his head, blue eyes gazing into the equally blue eyes staring back. A smile spreads across his face, his fingers moving to push a few loose strands of Bucky's long hair out of his face, his fingers lingering against Bucky's skin for a little too long.

Bucky feels his breath hitch as he stares at Steve, feeling the warmth of Steve's hand rest on his cheek. He moves his hand over Steve's again, this time leaving it there, as he closes his eyes and tilts his head into the sensation. He hasn't felt this safe, this grounded since they were kids in Brooklyn, inseparable.

When he finally opens his eyes again, letting his own hand fall back down, while Steve leaves his, Steve is smiling like some love struck puppy. Bucky finds it endearing. He can't believe that look is for him...or maybe he could if he thought about it, because this isn't the first time Steve has looked at him like this. 

This was the same look Steve gave him when he kicked that kid who hurt him and tried to ruin his birthday.

The look he would give him when Bucky would push him on the swing even though the other boys made fun of them. 

The look he gave Bucky when Bucky refused to go on a date with a girl because he couldn't bring Steve around because the girl's friend wasn't interested.

The look Steve would give him when he would sneak into his bedroom at night through the window when Sarah was asleep, just to hold him when he was sick.

The look he gave Bucky when he had finally gotten him back by his side in the war after saving him.

The same look Steve gave him when Bucky finally remembered him years later.

It was the same look when he found out that Wakanda had helped him get full control of his mind back.

And it was the look Steve would give him as he would sit on the porch watching Bucky work in the yard, trying to hide what he was drawing but now Bucky knew better, suspected what he was probably drawing.

Steve had loved him for as long as he has loved Steve, and he couldn't believe neither of them had said anything before, both too scared. Bucky whispers "I...love you, Stevie…" 

Steve starts to practically beam at Bucky. "Really?"

Bucky laughs at Steve's very Steve-like response. "Yea really, you punk."

"Good…I was worried I was misunderstanding this situation. I love you too, so, so much. You mean the world to me, my favorite person. And…." Steve's other hand makes it to the other side of Bucky's face. "And I would really like to kiss you...if that's okay?"

Bucky smiles again, Steve, always the gentleman, making sure to ask before just doing it. Bucky bites his lip before nodding, too afraid to speak again, worried this is just a dream And he was about to wake up.

But then Steve is leaning in, Bucky closes his eyes, and feels soft lips press against his. The kiss is chaste and sweet, and when Steve pulls away, he stays close, resting his forehead against Bucky's. He whispers "I've wanted to do that for so long, Buck…"

"Me too…" Bucky whispers back.

They stay like that for a while, just locked in their own world, before Steve pulls away, letting out a yawn. Bucky just registering that it is close to 4am now, his own eyelids now feeling heavy. He decides to be bold this time, making the first move. He pulls the blanket up that they had been sitting on. He crawls underneath, flipping it up to signal for Steve to join him. Steve smiles sleepily and happily obliges. 

Steve lays down, lifting his arm on Bucky's side  so that Bucky could come closer, laying his head on Steve's broad chest, with only a thin layer of cloth from his under shirt he was wearing to sleep in, separating him from skin. When Bucky is settled, arm draped over his abdomen, Steve wraps his arm around Bucky, running his fingers up and down the other's back lazily for a while.

Steve's fingers stop and Bucky realizes that the other man has fallen asleep, steady breaths coming from him. Bucky smiles, able to go to sleep himself now. He may not be ready to talk about his nightmares with Steve, or anyone, but this was a step, and Steve would be here next time he had one, because Steve will always be there.