#still miss the friendship however i don't think i need them as friends anymore

[smoozie]

Grian and Scar are both loyal to an extent. They don't let their loyalty consume them nor overstay it's welcome. But they have different ideas of when loyalty ends

Grian is not a traitor. It's odd to see him depicted as one when the only precedent in canon is his rendezvous with Bigb. In 3rd Life, Grian explicitly declares his loyalty as to Scar and Scar alone. His alliances with others are tenous. He goes all in one and lets other arrangements fall to the wayside. He wasn't ever loyal to them though, they were a means to an end.

Scar has a bad case of "friend to all is a friend to none" which we will see again and again. Scar is by no means a friend to all in 3rd Life, but he still puts his brief friendship with Bdubs above his weeks long dedication to Grian. And this choice is so interesting because he clearly betrays Grian because he is on yellow not red. (I mean yes the no kill pass, but that likely would have never come into play had Grian been red). However, he expects Grian's anger when he returns. Or it seems that way because he immediately surrenders himself. So what was the point? He gets Grian down to red, only to kill Bdubs and hand him the victory. Not to mention he waits for Grian to return before he moves against Bdubs. His loyalty to Grian most definitely surpasses his brief alliances in 3rd Life (he literally tells Grian he can kill him for "keeping [him] alive this long"). But Scar is not so loyal as to consider himself above killing an ally. Scar plays a very dangerous game of balance with his alliances, he wants everyone to be allied with him despite the improbability of such an arrangement.

In last life, people seem to have a different interpretation of Grian's actions (particularly pertaining to his loyalty), than I do. I don't think Grian is betraying anyone when he kills Jimmy and Mumbo. Last Life requires all non-red alliances be severed once a party reaches red. Grian takes this very seriously, only "faltering" once when he tries to preserve his allyship with Mumbo. But even then he's trying to kill him, so I'd hardly count it. Grian removes himself from the southlands when he goes red, and on red he remains loyal to Joel. He rejoins the southlands when he returns to yellow and is back again to Joel when they're both reds. He is consistent in his loyalty and as I've said, doesn't let loyalty overstay its welcome. He knows when to let go, and he does so.

Keeping in mind I haven't watched Scar's Last Life in a hot minute, this is from memory and a recent rewatch of Joel's. Scar makes an unfortunate alliance with Joel at the beginning of the season, unfortunate because of the fleeting nature of their alliance. Scar proves again he is more than willing to set loyalty aside to do what needs to be done when he attempts to murder Joel as the boogeyman. Upon finding out Joel is also a boogeyman, he instead later tries to help Joel as he embarrassingly fails to kill anyone over and over. Even avenging Joel by killing Mumbo for his boogey-kill. When Joel is on red continously placing traps around their mountain for Scar, Scar chooses to take little offense to it. He knows he would have done the same. Scar does what needs to be done. He is a survivor first and foremost

Double life is interesting because it shows a break in Grian's loyalty habits. He doesn't stay loyal to a faction he declares at the beginning nor does his loyalty follow the games rules. Grian "cheating" on Scar feels out of character. It almost seems like an act of revenge for Scar's betrayal in 3rd Life. An overdue comeuppance. Which is a fun interpretation I like. You could also see it as an act of defiance against the watchers, to say "no I am not playing by ur rules anymore. You cannot choose my allies for me". Whatever floats ur boat. I get people who downplay the "affair" as not the serious because they just call each other secret soulmates and send presents, but I think that interpretation misses the most important part: how it is presented to us. Grian and Scar both portray the secret soulmate bit as akin to cheating, so it makes the most sense the audience interprets it as such.

Double Life Scar is often misinterpreted to be happier with Grian than he actually is. In the beginning, Scar doesn't care to find his soulmate. He doesn't even realize it's Grian until the end of the episode. First thing Scar does the next episode, is try to introduce Grian to his Jellie-pandas. Which are immediately rejected by Grian. Scar then decides he will torture Grian with pain as payback, which he also teaches to Pearl. (A really great parallel imo because had Scar been tied to Scott I think he would have also been rejected). Interestingly, both Grian and Scar understand loyalty as a necessity to survival, especially in this particular game, as such they stay together despite BOTH being displeased with each other.

Grian stays firm with the bad boys until their early deaths. Despite his button pressing habits and that one fight they had over falling off ladders, he doesn't betray them. But he doesn't let grief consume him. That's the way of the game. His allies die, he needs safety. He moves on. And he once again proves his secondary allies (not nosey neighbors as they are now his primaries) mean little to him when he kills Scar. Again. And calls it the ultimate betrayal Grian when I fucking catch you

The clockers actually seem to be the perfect alliance for Scar. Bdubs who he can betray a million times over and always be forgiven, and Cleo who has still not forgiven Bigb for his choice to kill her two seasons ago. Scar has no reason to betray these two and never does, but he does believe Bdubs will betray them.

Grian in Secret Life is interesting because it is the first time we see him struggle to get an alliance. He kinda just shows up on Cletho's doorstep one day and asks to be let inside. Scott implies he lacks loyalty because of his quick departure from the bad boys last season, but I have emphasized I disagree with this interpretation of Grian. Grian remains loyal all season. When he dies he doesn't know both Cleo and Etho were taken out just moments before him, and celebrates the amount of damage his final stand caused Gem and the Scotts. He will sacrifice himself for loyalty.

Secret Life is by far the most telling for Scar's stance on loyalty. He goes where the wind takes him. He tries to blend in for as long as he can and hopes no one notices he shouldn't be there. He only chooses the mounders over Gem and the Scotts because he is currently standing with them when the question needs answered. Friend to all friend to none. He could have easily picked either side. He refuses to take Pearl's offer for hearts, tho this is most definitely out of respect. He wants a fair fight with Pearl, and he gets it. He very quickly turns his blade on Pearl after Gem is gone. Because he was never too tied to one.

So uh tl;dr: Grian and Scar are quick to kill loyalties when necessary, but Scar will always prioritize his survival over being loyal

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

I (26, NB) dropped a long-term friend (23, not disclosing gender, I'll call them X) for being a proshipper, and now they're trying to get in the way of my other friendships.

A little more than a month ago, an old friend from when I was an itty bitty teen on the internet (we met when they were 12 and I was 15 or so) messaged me on twitter asking if we could share discord since they're more active on that platform, and they missed hanging out. Ok, no prob!! I missed talking to X and life was going kinda icky for me at the time. We exchanged discords and started talking more frequently, before we would talk through twitter dms maybe one day every few months, and we went from almost no contact to talking every single day. It was like being a teenager again; we still shared similar interests and we really fast clicked over old and new fandoms we were in. We talked about college and how they're starting to get the hang of their new job but needed support, talked about our family lives, etc., and in general I felt really comfortable and happy to be chatting again with someone I've known for so long. We were inseparable for weeks.

However... of course, as adults, and having known each other for YEARS, we started talking about fandom ships and fics we enjoyed. We didn't have the same taste in pairings, but that was okay. Until it wasn't anymore.

I shared my NSFW twitter with them, and they followed me. A few minutes later X told me, "I see you have "proship DNI in your bio, I just want to let you know that I am a pro-ship and enjoy some things in fandom that you might think is gross. I hope that's okay."

I was kind of weirded out, and told them that as long as they didn't like anything that would be criminal in real life, that's fine. They told me they *did* enjoy things in fiction that they "wouldn't condone in reality" and even though they "don't talk about it publicly" they still wanted me to know. For some reason. ?? Even though they KNOW that I have an irl history of abuse as a kid, they still told me this.

I was so fucking uncomfortable and really, really sad, and honestly I felt betrayed? I stepped away from my account for like, an hour before messaging them back and saying I didn't want to continue talking to them anymore. That I didn't know they were that kind of person and I'm not comfortable being their friend. I didn't read their response to me because I soft-blocked them.

While I was getting over that and trying to move on, a few days later I was talking to another mutual friend of ours when they asked if I was still friends with X. I got chills remembering how I broke off with them, and said no, we weren't talking anymore. That they were the kind of person that made me really uneasy and uncomfortable to be around. The mutual friend, I'll call R, said that X was "feeling kind of down about losing a friend recently" and talked about it in a discord server they share. X didn't mention my name but R wondered if it was me who dropped them since I was really touchy about boundaries online. I freaked out a little thinking about them talking about me, and asked what else they said, and R told me "not much, just that they felt sad but it was your choice in the end because you two were different" and I don't know why but it left a bad taste in my mouth. Were they trying to make people seem like I was the bad guy or something?? Idk.

I told R the reason why I stopped talking to X, and that X is a proshipper who likes things like inc*st and rape, and R wasn't as supportive as I thought he would be, saying that he understood how I felt but if X was being honest and open about their interests, it probably meant they trusted me and didn't want to "lie" to me. I don't understand how that's even relevant if X is a fucking proshipper. I don't want their trust in the first place if that's who they really are, and I felt betrayed that someone I knew for so long was hiding that for me until we were bonding again. R basically dropped it there and said "idk then" and I told him I was going to shut off my notifs for a bit. I really don't want to talk with him again right now especially since he didn't seem THAT bothered by X being a proshipper who's into really criminal shit.

Since then, friends of mine who are also friends with R (because he's a friend of X still, for some reason), haven't been replying to me as much anymore and I'm super sensitive to noticing these things, at first I told myself it was nothing, but there's an obvious decrease in our interactions. I can't help but think that X actually said bad stuff about me, and R didn't want me to know, or maybe X convinced R that I was a terrible person or something. I still haven't read X's reply to me because I genuinely do not want to interact with them ever again, but for the past few days I've been so angry and hurt by my other friend's actions that I can't help but want to blame them, since this all started when I left them.

AITA for dropping a friend because their interests made me SEVERELY uncomfortable? I don't know what to do.

What are these acronyms?

[enstarriedownbad]

Izumi Sena x F!reader

! Minors DNI

Genre: smut

Tags: dom!Izumi, reverse yandere (?), unrequited love (?), beach, rough, semi-public

Note: This is part 2 of my first Izumi smut fic link here

Plot: Trickstar and Knights invite you to the beach after you cleared the misunderstanding between you and Izumi. However, both of you don't know how to interact anymore. Maybe "having fun" at the beach together will fix your relationship?

Words: 4,084

By clicking on "show more," you acknowledge that you are 18+ and consent to read this fiction.

Your friends are playing board games in the shades of the beach umbrellas. And some others are playing beach volleyball, and then there's Ritsu. Sleeping. Makoto is playing the team sport, too. Apparently, his team just won the game. Izumi is witnessing a few of Makoto's teammates hugging him after winning. Yet somehow, Izumi doesn't feel jealous. Sure, he'd like to be part of the moment, but it feels platonic. He'd rather support him from the sides while wearing Trickstar merch or so. As for Leo, he's still true to himself, laughing out loud, teasing Tsukasa while they're playing Uno. But Izumi isn't looking at Leo right now. His eyes are drawn to someone else: you.

You seem busy playing with the other boys. Your smile looks radiant, even from afar. 'Who is it you are talking to?', he wonders. You only greeted him after you arrived, and now it seems you won't even look at him. What is it that he is feeling? Is it anger? Frustration, maybe? He needs to figure it out.

"What do you think you're doing?" Izumi asks you out of the blue. "Why are you..." he sighs. "You know what, just come and follow me."

You oblige. He brings you further apart from the rest of the group. Makoto and Leo exchange a silly "we did it" eye contact when seeing the two of you walk away on the sand, unaware of what happened last time.

It seems Izumi wants to talk to you on a one-to-one, even willing to walk a bit far away from the others to get some privacy. Thank goodness he finally takes action to have a chat with you. It has gotten really awkward between you two after last time. And a few weeks already passed without contacting each other.

You two get behind a rock on the beach. Izumi doesn't fail to make you feel intimidated as he corners you behind it, making your back's skin get in contact with the harsh material. Izumi even asserts himself even more by placing his arm right on top of you. It looks like there is no way out of this conversation...

"So you're just gonna pretend... Whatever. You are not fooling anyone, and you're definitely not fooling me," he says aggressively.

"What do you mean?" you ask timidly.

"You haven't even looked at me the entire day yet you said you like me?" he responds. "You kept smiling for the others, though. That's not what I call love."

"That's because..." you mutter.

"Because what? I can't hear you," he asks while getting his face closer to yours.

"Because I know you don't even like me back..." you reply. "So I don't know how to react around you."

"Hmm... Sounds like a lie to me," he doesn't back down. "I know how it feels to go through an unrequited love, yet you don't---"

"Do you really, though?" you cut him.

"What?" he replies while strongly staring at you.

"Do you really love someone romantically? For Makoto, or for Leo, it looks more like friendship, if anything."

Izumi looks down on you with a cold gaze.

"Really? Then, Miss I-know-better-than-you, go ahead and enlighten me," he sarcastically says, mad about the fact that you doubt his feelings.

You take a few seconds to think about your answer. Some waves hit the rock. Its sound is relaxing. The sun is not too bright, and the sky seems bluer than earlier. And the others can't see you thanks to the location. The setting looks perfect for this moment. You take your chance.

"When you love someone, you want to be with them all the time," you say.

"I know. That's why I even kidnapped Makoto once, even though I'm not really proud of it..."

"You want to make them smile," you say.

"Been there, done that. Why do you think I've been helping Leo after a certain event?"

"You want them to be only yours..."

"I agree. Is that why you're pissed off right now? Because the person I'm into is not you?"

"You feel flustered when they're too close to you..." you say while avoiding looking into his eyes.

"I kno-" Izumi stops himself. After hearing what you said, he takes a good look at you. He finally realizes that you are blushing right now and can't keep eye contact with him. And it is all his fault, as he put himself this close to you in order to intimidate you. It is no wonder you are all red. After all, you love him. And he knows that. Nonetheless, with your feelings being so obvious now, the man is wondering why he put himself in a situation like this. He's so close to the woman that likes him, plus it had to be in this position. How can he not be flustered? Of course, he is. He is a man, after all. He's no exception. He seems to be slightly blushing. He thinks you look stupid to be all awkward around him. But, he also thinks you look somewhat cute, and your swimsuit is definitely something that man likes to see. He takes a longer look at your outfit and body from up close.

Even before your last interaction in the hotel, Izumi realizes you weren't distant with him like he thought, but rather shy. And even more shy when it was just the two of you. Yet you were always so sweet to him.

Well. It looks like he is curious, -or just simply put- interested in you. But Izumi, being Izumi, he won't admit it to himself. He would rather lie to himself and to others about his true feelings because of his ego. Now, he is afraid the next thing you'll say will make him realize something. You better not say one more word.

You don't even notice the switch in the nature of Izumi's gaze as you stopped directly looking into his eyes. So, you continue to prove yourself to him.

"When you love them, you--" Izumi stops you from continuing your sentence as he suddenly kisses you.

He goes all the way in, with his tongue intertwining with yours. You let out a small noise from the surprise. Izumi continues passionately kissing you. He grabs you by the waist while keeping his pace as steady as possible. His grip on your body gets stronger, and his lips don't seem to want to leave yours. His knee finds its way between your thighs, grinding into your sensitive area. That's it. He has desires.

Izumi backs up, panting, looking at you with redness all over his cheeks. You are the same, sweating and looking at him with doe eyes. He just wanted to make you shut up. Surely, there could have been another way. But now, he... No. He doesn't want to review his opinion. The man assumes changing his mind would make him look dumb and indecisive, even though it would be the opposite. He would rather continue with his lie.

"That's only a fraction of the love you'll never get," he lies while unable to look at you in the eyes anymore. "That's how I would kiss a person I love. Is that enough proof for you now?"

You feel discouraged by his words right after he just did this to you out of the blue. 'That was how much he loves someone', you think, wishing that were you.

On the other hand, Izumi looks at you in disbelief, unaware of the nature of what he is feeling right now. Surely, he felt the same with whom he "loves", right? He just didn't notice it, right? Izumi starts doubting his feelings. But that's when his own body gives him a hint. Outside of the blushing, another compelling piece of evidence can be found: he's rock-hard at this very moment. And the object of his desires is right here, in front of him, expecting to be told to go to hell or so.

"Turn around," he says.

"Why?" you ask.

"Just do it."

You do as he says.

"Now put your hands in front of you."

You place your hands against the rock.

"You're really doing anything I ask you to, huh?" he says while pressing himself onto you from behind.

Now, you can definitely feel something poking against your back. You slightly turn your head around to face him.

"Hm... Don't get any wrong ideas," he whispers in your right ear. "But I'm like 'this' because of you. I can't go back to everyone in this state. You should take care of it since it's all your fault."

Everything is telling you that he got hard thinking of someone else while kissing you, but you don't even care right now, you just want Izumi.

"...Sure," you reply, knowing what will happen next.

Izumi doesn't wait for a second and lowers down the bottom part of your swimsuit, gets his cock out of his own, and places his tip at your entrance.

"I'm going to ravage your insides from behind. I'm guessing that's okay with you since you really are a..." he stops mid-way. "Since I already did it last time, right?"

"Yes...," you answer, somehow surprised that he only subtly insulted you compared to last time.

With his hands placed on both of your hips, Izumi slides himself inside you. It definitely hurts since just a minute ago, you weren't expecting him to take you from behind. But it feels good. It's so nice to be connected again. Your two bodies were longing for each other. Simply having him in you gets you aroused.

"Hm? Did you just get wet only from me penetrating you?" Izumi rhetorically asks. "I can't say I'm not flattered, though, but now I..." He doesn't finish his sentence but his dick speaks on his behalf, hardening inside you. "Then, I hope you're ready for what's coming."

Izumi begins ramming into your folds from behind while holding onto your hips. Every thrust is as hard as last time. You get fully wet in no time. His length presses against your sensitive spots every time he moves. You can't help but moan.

"Shhh, you don't want someone to hear us," Izumi tells you while fastening the pace.

Although you need to keep your voice down, feeling Izumi's hands on your skin, as well as his cock sketching your walls with his every thrust makes you let out some more high-pitched sounds.

"Izumi...!" you quietly moan.

To your surprise, Izumi doesn't tell you to stop and he even whimpers from pleasure as well. Small "ahhn"s or "mmnh"s keep leaving his mouth more and more frequently. You never knew faint sounds like these could sound so hot and provocative. His voice sounds so deep yet relaxing. His timbre, his pitch, everything about his voice makes you fall more deeply in love with him. His moans became your new favorite melody for sure.

Now, the sea is not the only wet noise you can hear: Izumi is making a mess out of you right now. What first started quite dry quickly became a mix of bodily fluids thanks to your shared lust. Both of you really seem into it. Every time he thrusts in and out of you, you feel yourself losing it. You want to leave everything to him. You want him to go even rougher.

"Ahh... mmh," Izumi moans. "I'm close... mnh... Y/N," he says as you can feel his precum coming out, making your cunt even more slippery. "Yea just like that..." he groans.

The fact that he finally pronounced your name while moaning with pleasure was such a welcomed sound to your ears that it made your body tighten around his cock. Izumi keeps fucking you from behind, with his thighs aggressively bumping against your cheeks. The man keeps hitting your cervix with his dick as if he were trying to claim more of you. You feel your mind losing it, approaching your climax as well.

"Izumi... ah Izumi... Izumi..." you moan gradually louder. "You can... do it inside... Today is a safe day."

"hahh... Really? Then, I won't pass on this offer," he tells you while groaning and thrusting quicker.

You arch your back from the pleasure, making him bend over you as a result. From this angle, you can definitely see his hips thrusting in and out of you rapidly.

"mhhn. I'm going to... cum..." Izumi says while giving his last thrusts.

"ha hahn~ Izumi!" you moan out loud while cumming.

With his dick pressed against your end, Izumi strengthens his grip on your hips, moves your body even closer to his, and has an orgasm inside your walls. His semen feels you up from the inside. The sensation is so exquisite that your mind goes numb for a minute, only able to concentrate on his cum.

Once he is done with his orgasm, your heat keeps his member warm, still feeling very aroused. After he finally pulls out, your legs get so weak from the intercourse that you fall on all fours on the floor without Izumi's support.

"Don't tell me that you thought I would be done with you in only one round," he says while grinning and going on his knees behind you. "You want to be taken doggy style, huh? Typical of you, if I may. But that side of you is also making me..."

You assume he wanted to say "mad" or "disgusted," but he meant something else, something that has to do with how much he wants you right now, already rutting against you.

Izumi quickly sinks into your heat again, not able to wait.

"I'm gonna put my hands over your mouth if you can't be quiet. I don't want you to moan my name out loud again like you did earlier," he says. "Not that I mind, but..." he whispers as he puts his hand over your mouth. "I don't want other people to hear us."

"Mhh," you can only reply as your ability to speak just got restricted.

While the lower part of his body is busy messing up with your folds and making a mess out of you, Izumi uses his hands to play with your body. With his other hand that is not over your mouth, your loved one uses his fingers to brush over your back all the way down, making you feel all tingly. His hand caressing your skin makes you feel so good. You two were already 'one' after Izumi put his length inside of you, but somehow, having his skin against your own makes this moment feel even more intimate.

Then, Izumi pauses and gets his mouth close to your ear.

"Prepare yourself," he whispers in a deep timbre.

The man bends his back over you, trapping you below him as he resumes his thrusts, way more aggressively, with a hand on your hips. Now, the loudest sound is neither the sea, nor the radio music from the beach or your voice, but the wet noises coming out of you both.

"Mhhn," you mumble under his hand as he's pounding you from behind.

"Don't come now," he tells you as he moves his hand over your thighs, reaching for your clit.

Once he gets there, the male begins rubbing it along with his rapid thrusts, making you unable to resist long. You can't help but moan even though Izumi's hand remains firmly against your mouth.

"Just a bit longer..." he says while enjoying your faint noises.

While you struggle not to come immediately even though your body longs for it, Izumi doesn't go soft on you and continues going harder and harder against your sensitive spots.

"oh yea..." Izumi moans against his breaths. "Just like that..."

All your brain can focus on is Izumi, you want him to let it all out right now. His close embrace is also making your body temperature reach high grounds. Tears are forming in your eyes from the pleasure.

"Nhg. I'm... gonna... cum," Izumi says as his shaft is hitting against your cervix as if it were a punching ball.

Your moans are vibrating against the palm of his hand.

"Hahh, Y/N...!"

Following his moans, Izumi cums deep inside you, releasing all of his semen in your womb. More than just filling you up again, the feeling is even better. And you are not the only one moaning, Izumi definitely is, too. 'ah's and its variations keep leaving his mouth.

"Good..." he whispers.

You can feel his cock twitching, letting even more sperm enter you. You thought you couldn't get any hotter after Izumi shared his body heat with yours in a late summer afternoon, but his liquid is definitely on the hotter side, warming you even more. Maybe you feel a bit too hot now.

As soon as Izumi pulls out, the two of you lay on the sand, panting. That was quite the experience for sure. He was not kidding when he said he'd ravage your insides.

Izumi unconsciously looks at you with a devoted gaze, to which you return the same love stare. But Izumi only realizes now that you two have been silently staring at each other for a solid minute.

"I-" he doesn't know where to start, "Let's go back to the others. We've been out for a while now. They may be wondering where we are."

"Yea, but give me a second to..." you say while panting, "rest a bit..."

Izumi recognizes that you are tired. Specifically, because of him. He finally lets a bit of his pride go, 'just for now,' he tells himself. But you know how Izumi is with those he loves, right? His affection shows no limit. And it's the same for you now.

Izumi stands up and holds out his hand to you. He sighs.

"Come on, let's cool off in the water. I'll help you," he tells you nonchalantly.

He's taken aback by the fact that he wants to take care of you, as if it was a natural thing. But by now, he thinks he has an idea of what he feels for you.

You take his hand, and the two of you walk toward the sea. Izumi helps you get in the water, slowly. Your body and your legs specifically are so tired that you trip over.

Luckily for you, Izumi was looking out for you and caught you before you fell head-first into the water. Looks like you are now in his embrace, with his arms clasping you, pressing your head against his chest.

The sea is so refreshing. His tight hug feels safe. This moment is so soothing. But you know it will not last long. After all, he told you he doesn't like you and did all this to prove a point. If anything, it hurts to love him. You want to enjoy each and every moment you share with him, even if it is bittersweet at the end.

"Izumi..." you initiate the dialogue.

"Hm?" he replies gently for once.

"Can we stay like this just a bit longer?" you ask as you cling to him, not wanting to overthink about how he doesn't reciprocate your feelings.

It doesn't take him long to decide. Of course he wants to be close to you right now. Because on his side, he realized the true nature of his inquisitiveness toward you.

"I can do that for you, Y/N," he replies gently while obviously sounding enthusiastic about the idea, holding you tighter.

The two of you stay like this for a moment, enjoying each other's presence and feeling your fling growing stronger.

The sun is about to set now. Maybe a quarter of an hour passed?

"... ...Y/N", you vaguely hear.

"...YN.."

"Mh?" you reply a bit groggy after resting against Izumi for a while.

"Maybe we should go back now. The others must be wondering where we went."

"Okay..." you reply while you two get out of the water. "Ah, it's so cold!" you say as you leave the warm water only to be met with a cold wind.

You shiver from the temperature difference and put your arms around you. One look was enough for Izumi.

"You wait in the water, I'll quickly get you a towel back there," he kindly orders as he goes back to where Trickstar and the rest of Knights are.

While waiting in the water flow, you see a few men approaching you. They look a bit too enthusiastic, probably drunk.

"Guys, this girl over there, she's pretty cute right? She's mine," you can hear in the distance.

"Not if I seduce her before you" another one replies. "I can do that without even trying. And you got no rizz anyway."

"Then, let's see which one of us pulls her first."

"Hi there," one of them reaches out to you as they get closer, "are you alone? Wanna join us?"

"... Sorry but--"

"That's not how you approach a lady, dumbass. Let me show you how to do it," one says to his friends while cutting you off. "So, miss, do you have a boyfriend?"

"I... I don't," you reply, after remembering that although you seem closer to Izumi after your discussion, he definitely made sure to let you know that you don't own his heart.

"Then, how about I keep you company? You and I, let's have a nice time together at the beach," he asks.

"I don't know about that, I came with my friends," you reply while getting anxious as you are a bit away from the group.

"Hmm. I don't see anyone around here right now... So come with us. We want to have fun with you," another one suggests.

He even goes as far as grabbing your arm to get you out of the water.

"Come on, quit being so tense and follow us," he says as he gets you on the sand.

"... What are you doing to my girlfriend? Do you want to die?" Izumi says as he pulls the guy away from you and places himself between you and the other men. "She's already with me. Back. Off. Now," he shoos them away with a death stare.

After they leave, he turns around to face you.

"Geez, I leave you alone for two minutes, and you already need my help?" he complains while wrapping you in a towel. "I don't want you to get a cold," he says affectionately.

You look at him in awe. There is no way you would accept someone taking him from you when he acts so considerate towards you right now.

"Izumi?" you initiate.

"Mh?"

"I love you," you confess again. "I will try to win your heart, even if it is taken right now. "

"Y/N, I think I--"

"So this is where you were!" a voice says in the distance.

"We went looking for you two after you left for so long," Makoto appears before you.

"Yuu-kun!" Izumi calls out to him.

"Wait. Izumi-san and Y/N-chan," he smirks. "Seeing you two like this, do you happen to... To be a thing?" your friend asks, hopeful, as he tries to help you get closer to Izumi.

"Me and Y/N...?" Izumi replies. "We..."

Before he gets to reply, some of the other guys join you.

"N-never mind, I was just joking," he brushes it off, not wanting to put you or Izumi on a spot in front of everyone.

"Then~ Now that we've found them, let's go back to our hotel! ☆" Leo suggests.

"Who is gonna carry Ritsu-senpai to the HOTEL, though?" Tsukasa asks.

"Don't tell me that guy is still sleeping?" Izumi replies, annoyed.

"Yea... Even though the sun is about to set, Ritsu still feels a bit tired after being exposed to the sun for so long. I guess I'll have to carry him on my back," Mao sighs.

"Waa, Sari, you're such a good friend! ☆" Subaru adds.

"Then, let's go back to Sakuma and the others," Hokuto concludes.

Your little group begins leaving the area. The others walk in front of you. You and Izumi are behind them.

"What about you, Y/N? Don't you feel tired?" Izumi asks, sweetly. "Here, take my hand," the one you love says as he hands out his hand to you again.

You gladly accept his offer. You two walk hand in hand as the sunset colors the sea in orange hues.

Next chapter preview: "Eh..? What are you doing here Y/N? This isn't your room."

"I know."

"And why are you still dressed like this?"

(Could change)

HIIIIIIIIIIIIII 👤💛✨️🔆✴️💫

I missed yall!!!! Sorry, I was so busy irl omg wtf! 👤

So that was the long awaited part 2! Guess what? I'm gonna write a part 3 too 👤💖 The plot is so fun to write for honestly (or more like, we can fix Izumi.) 👤🖤

Next is gonna be Leo, or Kuro, or part 3, idk!!! 👤⁉️ Tell me which one you've been waiting for, and I'll write it soon enough 👤‼️

Love yall 👤💯❤️

[kissorkill16]

Help Me Forgive You: A Hello Neighbor Fanfic

By JJ

Summary: Aaron reunites with his father again after years.

Meet me at the Raven Brooks cemetery.

25 year old Aaron Peterson had recently received a note from an anonymous stranger. He felt like he recognized the handwriting, but it was still drawing a blank to him.

But despite his reluctance, he went to meet this person.

When he finally got to the cemetery, he walked by a couple of tombstones and memorials of people, he stopped by a familiar grave. He bent down.

Mya Rose Peterson

1973 - 1983

She was a young and lively little girl.

Indeed she was.

"I miss you so much, Mya.", Aaron said to the grave, then he felt a shadow cover his entire body and the grave.

"Hello, Aaron."

Aaron whipped his head around to see whose shadow this was, and he nearly fainted when he saw who it was.

A familiar, muscular, hulking man in a white dress shirt, brown khaki pants, and black leather boots. He didn't look too familiar, but Aaron recognized him even out of his argyle sweater.

It was his father.

He hadn't seen him in years.

Aaron stood up to meet his level. He didn't quite fully reach his height, even as an adult. His father would always be taller than him no matter what.

"Hey...", said Aaron, it felt awkward for him to just talk to his father after being taken out of his custody years ago, but he tried to make it feel normal. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"

Now it was just stupid. He knew it's been a while.

But his dad nodded. "Yes, it has been. It's been a long while since we've seen each other."

Aaron turned on his heel and started walking away from the grave, "Do you want to walk and talk?"

He nodded and wrapped his arm around Aaron's shoulder.

The two walked around the graveyard in silence, despite saying they were going to walk and talk. However, after a while, Theodore broke the silence.

"How was Germany?"

Aaron looked at his father, "It was kinda cool.", he said, but Ted wasn't satisfied with that answer. "What do you mean by that?"

Aaron awkwardly looked at the ground, "Well, Quentin's been doing okay with raising me, despite having no parental experience whatsoever. He did his best."

Ted smiled, "That's nice.", he said. "It's nice to see he was a better father than I ever was."

Aaron's eyes widened and he pulled away from his father. "Dad, how could you say that?"

"Aaron, you don't need to pretend anymore. You're an adult now, you're allowed to express your feelings.", said Ted. "I know I wasn't the best husband and father, I wasn't even a good person back then. I neglected you after your mother died and locked you in the basement after your sister died, and I kidnapped your friend just so you could have a friend, and I messed up his life too."

Aaron knew this was true, but he didn't want his father to talk bad about himself.

"And before that, I ruined your friendship with Enzo and scared his sister. I killed so many people with my death machine rides and avoided consequences instead of facing them like a man. The only time I didn't run away was when you were given to Mr. Gershowitz. I'm glad he's been a better parent than me. You must've been so happy with him."

Now Aaron couldn't take it anymore.

"Dad, stop it!"

Ted looked at his son with wide eyes.

"After Quentin took me in, I never stopped thinking about you. Despite all you've done to me, our family, to everyone around you, I still loved you and I missed you so fucking much. You were my dad after all!", said Aaron. "I still don't fully forgive you for gaslighting me into thinking that I'm the reason why bad things happen, or for hurting Nicky, or for ruining my friendship with Enzo, but I want to try and forgive you, because I want to believe that you've changed."

His eyes filled with tears, and he wrapped his arms around his father.

"Just help me forgive you."

Ted felt his own eyes fill with tears, and he wrapped his arms around Aaron, burying his face into his shoulder.

"I will."

[sm1leflower]

Feel special

✰ pairing : Im Nayeon x Fem!reader

✰ summary : You confess your feelings to your bestfriend , the girl who always makes you feel special

✰ genre : fluff

✰ warnings : use of pet name ( love ) and nothing else i think ( please tell me if i forgot anything )

✰ word count : 0.9k and some changes

✰ a/n : i found this yesterday , when i was erasing some of my notes , so i changed some things and decided to post it :) btw if there are mistakes please ignore them , thank you.

You weren't sure why, but you felt different around her. You felt cherished. You felt special.

You were also aware of the slim to none probability that Nayeon would like you back

You weren't blind. Even though she didn't have many friends , you could see how distant observers look at her.

You first met her when you started college two years ago, and you recall it like it was yesterday.

You've always thought of her as a good friend, and you consider her to be your best friend. Maybe she doesn't think of you as her best friend, but that doesn't really matter to you.

You never considered confessing to her until now. Every time this thought entered your mind, you would shake it off and tell yourself that you have plenty of time to confess, but now that you think about it, you regret not doing so sooner.

You are waiting for Nayeon with a bouquet of flowers behind your back, ready to surprise her. You asked her yesterday if she could meet you behind the college after her classes were finished. You see her , after a few minutes of waiting. She was wearing her beautiful smile, which lit up her face. When a thought occurred to you, she was getting closer, and you could feel your emotions rising. What if Nayeon doesn't like you back? Will you maintain your friendship? or will things get weird and you two will no longer be friends? You'll find out whether she likes you or not soon, because Nayeon is getting closer and closer and in a few seconds she is right in front of you.

"Hello," she says, her smile still on her face.

"Hey"  you say back , but unlike her you're not smiling "How was your day? " you ask her

"It was good, but now that I've got to see you, it's a lot better" you feel butterflies in your stomach with just a few words. "How was your day?" she questions , her gaze fixed on your face.

You wanted to tell her the truth. You wanted to tell her how nervous you were all day, especially now, as you're about to confess to her. However, you did not. "It was fantastic! But I'm glad I saw you because I need to talk to you about something very important" You answer her question, and with each word you say, she becomes more curious. "Go ahead," she encourages with a small hand gesture.

You show her the bouquet of flowers you've been carrying behind your back all this time and decide to get right to the point.

"Nayeon , I know what I'm about to say may seem ridiculous to you, but I like you. I've liked you for a while now, and I understand if you don't, but I really want to tell you about my feelings. Even if I'm having a bad day, when I see your name appear on my phone's screen , I start smiling like an idiot. When you look at me and smile, as you did a few minutes ago, my heart begins to beat at an unbelievable rate, and when you tell me how much you missed me I find myself smiling like a fool again." You take a short break to catch your breath, and you notice Nayeon staring straight into your eyes without saying anything, her smile not present on her face anymore so you take the opportunity to put the cherry on top. " It's you. You make me feel special." And with that you take a deep breath and push the bouquet towards Nayeon ,  hoping she'll accept it.

To be honest, you were worried about making Nayeon uncomfortable, but you also knew that if you did, she would stop you halfway through your speech and tell you so. After a few awkward seconds of silence, Nayeon takes the bouquet into her arms and holds it up to her nose to smell it. She lowers it, smiles at it, and then looks you in the eyes.

"I'm glad you finally said it," she says blankly, but her smile remains.

"What do you mean?" you inquire. Did she knew you were in love with her?

"What I mean is" she says as she takes a step closer to you "that if you didn't confess soon, I was about to take the first step."

So she knew. She was aware of how much you liked her, but she never teased you about it. She pretended she had no idea.

"How did you find out?" You ask her, even though you're fairly certain your friend, Sana, told her.

"Sana told me a while ago." she responds to your question, and you manage to suppres your laugh. Of course she did.

"Did she approach you and tell you about it, or?" Even though you wanted to, you were embarrassed to continue the sentence.

"Or what? Finish you sentence love".

You checks go red at that nickname. And also , you genuinely believe she understood what you meant, but this is just how she is.

"Or did you ask her about it?" After what seemed like a decade, you finally manage to say

"To be honest, I did ask her." That was all she said, but her words made your heart race once again

"Would you mind if I kissed you in that case?" You'd never asked someone that before, and it made you feel kind of awkward.

"If you insist."

[thequeenofthewinter]

I Am a Writer

I had a whole thing planned for when I came back and finally started posting chapters again, but now that I sit here at my keyboard, I find words are failing me. (Funny, as what I do here is write.)

Anyway, let's get personal. Recently, I had taken a break from writing, slowing down and trying to find out what I was doing again. It was a difficult decision to take a break. While I really needed it, it took me too long to figure out that this was what I needed to do because I was afraid. Afraid that I wouldn't come back and that I would stop writing and that I wouldn't be a writer anymore.

In the two years I have been doing this, I found great comfort and even greater friendships, and I was scared that I would lose that, and then where would I be? Sure, I would be the same person, but writing had become such an important hobby to me and brought so much joy to my life that I couldn't imagine my life without it.

Cool story, bro, but why are you talking about all of this?

I don't pretend I know everything or that this blog is to give you some divine advice which will solve all of your problems. I'm not one of those blogs. However, I thought I would talk about it and share my experience with you because we don't really talk about those things. We post our accomplishments. We talk about how to write. We share our writing. But what about the tough stuff in-between?

You are not alone. I think sometimes we forget with the outward facing mask of social media (if that is even what the Hellsite can be called) that we all go through rough patches, and it's okay--and we can talk about it.

Recently, I had been talking to @oblivions-dawn @mareenavee @dirty-bosmer and @paraparadigm about a lot of these things as I have been trying to sift and sort through the question of: what the hell am I doing? (Thank you friends, your talks and support in general have been invaluable.)

I didn't know if I was going to quit. I had hoped not, but I had doubts in myself. What if this next chapter took forever? What if everyone left? What if I disappeared into the sunset and never wrote another word ever again? I had a lot of feelings and made a lot of assessments in the past month. A lot of them I had already known, I just forgot about them.

Taking a break is okay. You're still a writer unless you don't want to be, and the hobby will always be there for you to pick up again. Actually, taking a break has made the process better and helped me to reflect on some things, such as:

I am not a machine.

Taking more time is not only good for mental health, but also for the writing process.

You are not beholden to the original rules you set for yourself. Things change. (Going forward, I am saying "fuck off" to my schedule.)

It's okay to have these doubts, and I think we all have them at times.

I really do love what I am doing, and all writing is worth it if it brings you joy.

Learning and reflecting on writing are important parts in the lifecycle of writing in and of itself. You don't have to keep writing, and you don't have to be a machine to be a writer. You don't have to post. You don't have to keep a schedule. There is no "fear of missing out" on anything because it's all there and waiting for you when you're ready.

I'm ready.

I am a writer, and I posted my first new chapter after my break.

I'm really excited about what happens next.

[hwnglx]

Could u do a reading for sunoo and niki relationship ? 🙏

sunoo and niki's dynamic based on tarot, take it with a grain of salt

how was their dynamic in the past?

kingofsw, aceofc, world, 3ofc

their dynamic seemed to have been more work-based in the beginning stages. they were colleagues and respected each other, it was fine. they started gaining a strong bond with each other as some time went by. i'm getting lot of trust and harmony between them, the existence of the other fulfilled them in a way. niki completed what sunoo lacked and vice versa. really beautiful and loving dynamic, very wholesome. they truly enjoyed each others company and felt comfortable with one another, shared many fun times together. they were precious friends who believed in one another no matter what.

how did niki feel towards sunoo in the past?

world, 8ofw, moon&devil, empr, 3ofcrx+highpr

awe. niki felt whole whenever he was around sunoo. it's almost like sunoo was the friend he never knew he needed. he brought a lot of harmony in his life, i'm getting a lot of grateful feelings. "i'm so happy you're here." is what i keep hearing. however, he felt like things turned toxic too quickly. sunoo started becoming too secretive, hid his feelings from not just niki but everyone, stopped engaging with him. niki never stopped deeply caring for sunoo, even during this period. but he felt distant and had problems getting close again. he couldn't figure sunoo out at all.

how did sunoo feel towards niki in the past?

strength, magicrx, 3ofsw, knofsw, 10ofw, death, 4ofc

although sunoo received a lot of strength from niki in the beginning, i think he felt like there were problems and blocks in their communication from the start. he had difficulties and lacked confidence to really express himself in an open and honest way. there seemed to have been a period in which niki got too harsh with his words out of immaturity. sunoo felt immensely hurt. he thought niki was being reckless, impulsive and inconsiderate. those wounds truly weighed on sunoo, as this caused a major change in his feelings towards niki. i think he really hated showing how hurt he actually was and preferred to act indifferent. he wanted to protect his heart.

how does niki feel towards sunoo now?

7ofsw&pagofp, 8ofc, 8ofw, 5ofp, sun, tower

niki is still trying to figure out how to talk to sunoo. he feels awkward, cautious and unsure what to do or say in order to get to his bandmate, since he feels like he's still not communicating with him openly. he knows sunoo is sensitive. he's also very aware of the shift that happened between them, and is genuinely trying to communicate, but it just doesn't seem to work out. there are times in which the two do share some happy and joyful times together and things seem fine, but in the end they somehow end up fighting again and are back at level zero. on and off friendship type of thing. niki feels kinda hopeless in that regard and seems to have accepted that this is the way it'll probably stay for a while. but deep inside he seems to miss the more harmonious old times.

how does sunoo feel towards niki now?

2ofw, temp, pagofp, 8ofc&3ofsw, kingofsw

sunoo's heart is still scarred and wounded, but he's okay with things being the way are now. he realizes him and niki clash way too much in order for there to be any changes at this point. similary to niki, he feels a sense of awkwardness and unresolved tension that'll probably be there for a while, unless the two lay out their honest thoughts in open manner. but they both seem to be very "my way" type of people, so things will probably stay kinda tense and cold for now and sunoo is aware of that. i get "it is what it is" type of vibes. i guess he's glad they don't fight every two working days anymore lol.

how is their dynamic now?

aceofsw, justice, fool, 2ofw, hieroph

i don't think there's any huge grudges but their dynamic definitely isn't how it used to be. it seems like they did manage to balance things out in a way where it doesn't affect their dynamic as group members. since time has passed, they are also able to enjoy some fun and light-hearted times with each other now without holding on to any weight from the past. but they're very much on two different pages now. it's more of a work-related relationship between two colleagues. they do what needs to be done but probably aren't crazy about spending much time together outside their schedules.

[dimdiamond]

Chang is such a fascinating character because he has all these unexplored material by the canon and yet canon gives us a few scenes of him that leave such a strong impression.

He is Tintin's best friend and his first actual friend as, until Blue Lotus, Tintin didn't have anyone besides Milou and Thompsons were more or less the comedic duo that chased him to arrest him for one reason or another. Chang appears as equal to Tintin, same small size (at least in the comic), same wit and same bravery. He is here obviously to support Tintin but he is still in the back as he is treated as younger and less experienced, not meaning that Tintin disrespects him in any way, the opposite Tintin relies on him after they gain each other's trust. Chang protects Tintin and worries for him and refuses to leave him alone, to the point of himself being reckless and even more risky.

This trope would seem very familiar to what we have watched in adventure movies like the Indiana Jones movies or even other adventure books, where the traveler meets the native (young) guy that navigates him and helps him in his country after being saved by said foreigner, if Tintin and Chang weren't that equal and what connected them was only that "I owe you my life". Tintin and Chang connected because they were alone and found to each other someone who understands. Tintin found someone who can keep up with him and care for him and Chang found someone who noticed him and in the end gave him a purpose. Remember that Tintin, although alone, had a purpose and something to fill his life with, and what is more appealing than adventure? Chang, who had no family and no purpose, was charmed by Tintin and his way of life. And since meeting him he wants to be part of this.

In my eyes, Tintin and Chang immediate liking each other and becoming friends, isn't just because of kindness, it's also because of need and selfishness. And I don't mean that they're bad people who took advantage of each other. I mean that they were two lonely boys and the moment they saw how well they go together they also saw their chance to fill the void in their hearts. However that didn't mean it would last, as it was an emergency solution.

We can see that in the way Blue Lotus ended, Tintin left back to Belgium and Chang found a new family in the Wangs. Their bond is strong and they mean a lot to each other but they know that they can't stay like this forever. What Chang needed was a family and that was how he was saved from a lonely life, with purpose or not. I think Tintin sees or understands that in a subconscious way and leaves back his first friend, even though he will miss him, because he knows that he doesn't want Chang to end up like him. Does Chang know that though? Does Chang understands that and if he does, does he accept it or ignores it in favor of dreaming a life where he would share adventures with Tintin, a life that it is very unlikely to ever happen?

Till Chang and Tintin meet again, Tintin has already found a family, seemingly being in balance with a family and a purpose in his life. After Tibet though, Tintin is in doubt about his purpose. What is even his purpose? Endanger himself and his closed ones? Catch bad guys? Save people? To do that he needs to be alone but he isn't and can't be alone anymore. He has a life and people he treasures and he doesn't want to risk them for any pointless reason. He wants his adventures to count and have a meaning, otherwise why even do them? At this point, Chang had already his family for quiet some time but he is in search of his own purpose. So although they reunite, they can't synchronize, Chang is about to start his own adventures while Tintin reconsiders his lifestyle.

Their friendship is so tragic and real because, despite their hardships of reconnecting, their bond is strong and no matter how far they are and how long it has been since they last met, their feelings are strong and genuine, they will always love and care for each other. Timing was on their side only in moments of crisis, for the rest of their lives, they move on away from each other. It's like they say to fate itself to fuck off, no matter how much it wants to separate them, they will still be each other's best friend in the way only your first real friend can be.

I know I'm blabbering about Chang's friendship with Tintin but it's just so crucial to his character that you can't understand him otherwise. For Chang, Tintin is his hero, his savior, his idol, his first and best friend. He hangs on the image he has for him after years of not seeing him and it is what follows him wherever he goes, whoever he meets. He has no idea of how much Tintin has changed. He has no realization of how much he has changed himself. When he is kept in a cave by Yeti, Tintin, his savior and hero, is the only one that can give him hope and this image of him is still in his head. I can only imagine that after being rescued and spending some time with the Tintin now, he must have felt like meeting someone new and yet familiar. He must have realized that reality is different from what he had thought and now he doesn't have to rely on an image from the past. Chang can discover himself and get his own purpose in his life without meaning that he has to delete Tintin from his life, although he is far from him and the possibility of walking in the same path is even lower now.

Chang has his second chance for a family with the Wangs and no way he would let it go to waste. He wouldn't let his life go to waste though so he travels, finds his own adventures. He wants to learn more of this world, young and hopeful as he is. Despite his hardships, he is extremely kind and thoughtful but not naive or innocent. I see Chang as a romantic soul that had to mature very early and, despite what life showed to him, he insists on keeping his beliefs and values and ideals.

[mrs-santoss]

Love at First Sight - Neymar Imagine - Chapter Eight

Summary: 

Y/N is scared to fall in love. She fell once, and it was a nightmare. She can’t risk it again. But, this lucky boy manages to steal her heart, but unfortunately, manages to break it at the same time. What will Y/Ns decisions be?

Chapter 1 , Chapter 2 , Chapter 3 , Chapter 4 , Chapter 5 , Chapter 6 , Chapter 7

"Y/N?"

I turn around to see Neymar. He looked at me with pleading eyes, I couldn't understand his emotional state at all. I broke the eye contact. I can't do that anymore, like I used to. 

"Hey! How are you?"

"I'm good. How are you? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay." I answer quickly and I keep walking away from him to the other staff members. I couldn't dare to look back. It has to be like this, I have to be strong. This is the only way for me to move on. The coach is giving instructions to the team, Neymar joins them too. I spotted Kylian giving me a sad smile, I smiled back at him. 

Lunch break was the worst. My absence at the table next to the guys was noticed by everyone. I was locked in my office eating from a plate Sarah brought me from the cafeteria. I her a knock on the door. It's Neymar.

"Hey, what are you doing here?"

"Um, I have a check up, today?"

"Oh, right. Sorry, yeah, come in."

Shit. I forgot about it. I forgot about this part where I have to keep in contact with Neymar under these circumstances. It was very awkward. I could tell he was trying to make eye contact with me, I kept avoiding it. After our check up was done. Neymar stood up and turned to me.

"Everything seems okay. It shouldn't keep you form playing tonight."

"That's good to hear, will you be there tonight?"

"Probably, yeah. It's my job."

"Right! Yeah!"

"Soo... if that's all, you're free to leave, Ney-mar"

"Y/N, are you okay?"

"Yes, thank you. Have a nice day!"

He stared at me for a second and left the room. I'm not okay. I'm not fucking okay. I can't do this. I can't keep working here with Neymar being so close to me. I'm trying to move on, I deserve to move on.

On my way home, I thought about a lot of things. I thought about quitting my job. I thought about speaking to the coach on assigning someone else only for Neymar. I don't think this last option is possible at all, the coach won't care whether I'm heartbroken or not, that's not a concern of his. It is understandable at some point. I get a call from Kylian.

"Hey, crazy. Where are you?"

"I'm on my way home, Ky. What about you?"

"I just got out of the shower. Umm... there's something I need to talk to you about."

"Spill"

"Sarah has invited the group for a play night at her house. She wanted me to tell you and also convince you to be there. Neymar will be there too."

"Ky, I don't think I can come tonight. It's too soon for me."

"Y/N, I understand, but, we're friends, okay? You have to at least give the friendship a shot. Besides, I don't want to confuse you anymore than you are, but, I think you guys will make up at some point."

"Kylian, that's not what I need to hear right now. I can't hold myself with luck or promises. The fact is that we're broken up and I need to work towards that."

"I understand, but you can always leave when you get uncomfortable. However, It won't be just you and Neymar there."

"Ugh, okay! I will be there."

"Sweeeet! See you at the party"

"See you too, Ky."

I don't know why I agreed to that. I'm still making decisions by my heart. I need to stop doing that anytime soon. I got home and took a quick shower, I changed into some comfortable clothes and did a simple makeup. While I went through my wardrobe, I found a lot of Neymar's hoodies and shirts I had "borrowed" from him. I heard another crack from inside of me. I need to get rid of these. I put all the clothes in a bag, except for one hoodie. I wanted to keep that one. I can just hold it in my wardrobe, I don't have to wear it. He won't notice it missing. It still smelled like him. I sat on the bed, placed the hoodie on the bed and laid on top of it. I closed my eyes and smelled it. It brought back a lot of memories of me and him. It brought tears to my eyes. According to a new study from Cornell University, the most hurtful breakup comes from being dumped for someone else—scientifically coined as “comparative rejection.” When we feel heartache, we are experiencing a blend of emotional stress and the stress-induced sensations in our chest—muscle tightness, increased heart rate, abnormal stomach activity and shortness of breath. This is all I felt right now. I got up placed the hoodie in my closet, grabbed the other bag and left. 

Sarah's house wasn't too far away from mine. It was a 15 minute ride. I ring the doorbell and she answers it. She looks at my bag confused and motions for me to step inside.

"Heyy, what have you got there, honey?"

"It just something I need to give back to Neymar"

I step inside the living room where everyone already was. I made eye contact with Neymar. I give him the signal to come with me to the kitchen. He quickly gets up. We are alone in the kitchen.

"Hey, what's up, Y/N?"

"Um, I wanted to give you this, it a bag filled with your clothes that were at my place."

"Oh, okay. Why.. you can keep them, if-"

"No, I don't want to. It makes things a little easier for me." I give him a small smile, I'm trying to act tough in front of him.

"Y/N, I know what I did was something unacceptable, but I love you. I'm not over you, I just need time, please. Try to understand this." "Neymar, can you please try to understand me too? Okay, I get it, you need time. But, what if after that time passes you decide to not look back? Am I supposed to just keep hurting myself until you decide what to do?" "I know, fuck- I know, It's just that I want things to work out between us, so much. But, I just want to make sure I'll never look back." "I don't think I can wait for you, Neymar. It's not an easy thing for me to do. I mean, I will be here. I'm always here, but I won't be stuck on this position. I will try to move on. If it's not too late for you by the time you decide what to do, then we'll see how this goes." "I know I hurt you, I'm aware of that. But, please, don't think this is easy for me. It's not. It's a fucking nightmare." "I know." I considered this conversation over, so I left the kitchen to join everyone in the living room. Neymar came out after me and sat across from me. Kylian approached me. "Hey, Y/N. Is everything okay?" "Yeah, everything's fine. Let's pick something to watch." Kylian drops the conversation. Everyone in the room can feel the tension between us. This is why I didn't want to come, not everyone deserves to have their night ruined because of a problem not related to them. The night was over, people were ready to leave. We cleaned up everything after we were done. Sarah invited me to stay over. I need a girls night, so I accepted it. We said goodbye to everyone and changed into some pyjamas. I borrowed a pair from Sarah. I took a wine bottle and two glasses to the balcony where we were sitting. I poured some for the both of us and sat down. "Soo, spill. Why did you and Ney break up?" "He said he's still unsure about his feelings for his ex girlfriend. He realized this right after we went public. He asked for a break to clear his head, I guess." "And... how did you approach it?" "Really? How do you think? Based on you missed calls from last night?" "Yeah, I know. Y/N, listen, I know you always worry about your experiences from the past, but Neymar is not that guy. I actually find this a very mature move from him. He wants to make sure he's all yours, he wants to avoid cheating on you or lying to you." "Sarah, It's easy to say that, but it's hard to picture a future together while feelings like this. What if it never works out for us and I'm still waiting for him to come back to me?" "That's just a risk you'll have to take, I guess. Do you love him?" "That's not the issue, me feelings are not the issue here, Sarah." "Yeah, but It's also hard to move on knowing it could've worked out if you stayed, do you ever think that? It's not just the breaks ups that hurt, also the missed chances hurt the same." Yeah, I guess, you're right. I don't know, we'll see." We called it a night and I crashed on the couch. I went to sleep thinking about my conversation with Sarah. I hate to admit she was right. It would kill me to know that I moved on from something that could've been amazing if I only gave it a chance. I wake up at some point in the middle of the night from a notification on my phone. Neyy : "I know you kept a hoodie and I don't care if you deny it or not, it made me happy" I'm not going to deny it either. It made me smile too. Maybe I should give this relationship another chance? ________________________________________ It's been a hard month. I can't concentrate on anything else at work except for Neymar. He talks to me like nothing happened. This is not what a confused person does. I can't tell if he called it quits or not. I'm at home reading a book. I got back to my reading habits. I used to read about three books a week. I wondered how in another universe, I'm reading a book while being in Neymar's arms. From a neurobiological perspective, the more we think about an ex, the more we hardwire neural pathways that create more of the same thoughts. So, I'm clearly not working towards moving on.

I think this is the time for me. I need to speak to Neymar about this. I'm hurting. I'm physically hurting. I need to know if there's still a chance for us to get back together. I take my phone and take a look at the time, it's 3:00am. I doubt he's awake, he sleeps early because of training. I still decide to send him a text message that will help me move on. If he's moved on, I will quit my job and move on too. If he's still in love with me, I guess I will give it at chance? to Neyy: " Soo... will I be able to stare into your eyes again, or was that the last time?"

[r1-jw-lover]

1 & 18 & 23 for Caine on ze character ask game ? :D

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

Let's get one thing out of the way first: just the mere fact that he's played by Donnie Yen is enough to get my attention, who's one of the staple action stars I watched during my childhood (don't ask me how many times I've seen Ip Man). However, what really draws me in is that Caine is one of the more relatable roles Donnie had acted in so far. Obviously, Caine is still very skilled and proficient to the point of being compared to John Wick, but there's enough dramatic content to the character that makes Caine interesting on his own.

Caine had emotional turmoil throughout the movie, he had an arc of choosing between his friends or his daughter. He had different dynamics with different characters in Chapter 4. And he is one of the few characters in the John Wick movies who was explicitly shown to be emotionally affected by the act of killing itself. Caine cried after killing his brother Koji, and was sniffing when he realised John had let Caine shoot him and might not make it out of the pistol duel alive. You can clearly see he didn't want to be there doing the killing at all.

I can ramble more and more about why I like Caine as a character, but I have to stop here and move on to the next question.

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

We know how all of Caine's relationships with others (John, Koji, Mia, Akira) ended up being a tragedy, but Caine's friendship with John is really something admirable in my opinion.

Despite circumstances pitting them against each other, they tried really hard not to hurt or kill each other. They made jokes with each other (Caine cursing Killa Harkan in Cantonese and John follows along) and clearly had worked together before if the Berlin club scene and the staircase re-climb scene are any indication ("12 or 9?" "9!").

John and Caine not only respect but also have a deep understanding of each other. If you need anymore convincing, Caine told John in the cathedral the night before their duel, "I miss you, John. It's so good to sit with a friend."

23. Favorite picture of this character?

LMAO, I have so many pictures in mind because this guy served so much cunt in Chapter 4, but if I have to choose, I think I will pick this one.

The swag, the pose, the background, the lighting, EVERYTHING makes my mouth foam fr.

[unimpressivegayarrow]

unpopular opinion: 4×03 was alright. I liked exploring the relationship between Carlos and iris I think it gives more reason for their initial marriage. I know there's some discrepancies, but all in all it really makes the characters feel more real.

for example, Carlos got the chance to be an arsehole. like, yes, he was a dick to TK. but also if I were in that situation and my best friend went missing, and my bf didn't tell me that they'd seen them the night of.

I'd be livid. and in those moments, you don't respond to logic. You don't want to hear anything else until the person who's missing is safe.

I really get Carlos and Iris' bond. It's just full on platonic love and massive kudos to the actors for portraying that in a way I've never seen before in such a short amount of time. the hand hold, the telling iris to breathe, really showed me that they do love each other. they need each other, because they're best friends. like no matter the time apart, they just remember one another because they were together in their primary years, when they were still becoming people.

it's mainly due to the amazing acting from both Lydnsey and Rafa. I will take my hat off to both of them. their chemistry is off the hook in line with a old friendship. I'm massively into platonic love on screen can you tell?

it just reminds me of my best friend and everything I'd do for her. and as a gay dude myself I really see myself in iris and carlos' friendship.

however I do think on the TK side of things like however much it seems justified for me, it was a bit wanky. and also I'd be a hypocrite if I said I didn't agree with where Carlos was coming from.

but again, I think it adds to his character. he is now a flawed human being. not a perfect, do no wrong golden child. we're getting so much from his character this season, seeing how he felt before TK, his anxieties, and his drive to protect his friends. and the fact that he will mess up and be a dick because he can't find the words to say he thinks he's responsible for something.

yes, TK didn't do anything wrong at all. he went to see iris and she was fine, she was going out to find that woman from the shelter. all Carlos hears is, "I went behind your back after we agreed to leave it for the time being." and add that to a crisis where the person in question goes missing, you're gonna get an adverse reaction.

so wow yes, Carlos sucked, but that's amazing because he's not a paper thin character anymore he has substance. he's allowed to mess up, and I know he won't appologise on screen because that's not dramatic and this is a drama show.

I do think in the future he'll learn that he doesn't have to shoulder the weight on his own. he can have a discussion about it before he flies off the rails trying to protect his loved ones again.

because you don't go into an abandoned house without letting your fiance know first. that's a rule, Carlos. don't do it again.

however I'm so excited and terrified for episode 4!!!!!

[mysfated]

𝚗𝚊𝚖𝚎: honey

𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚜: they/them

𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚏𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚞𝚗𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗: discord

𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚖𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚖𝚞𝚜𝚎: @khrused. currently on my mind: ruby matthews, christine daaé, gazala bravard, makawi-sa, esme cullen

𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎/𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 (𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚑𝚜, 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚜?): in general, i've been rping since uh 6th grade? so however long ago that was lol but on tumblr i started with liara t'soni back in 2013? i think? my sophomore year of college .

𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚖𝚜 𝚞𝚜𝚎𝚍: when i was a weee baby on the internet lol i started rping in forums. i eventually moved to skype, then tumblr! now add discord in and that's pretty much it.

𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎: ya know, every time i've joined a fandom it always ended up turning kind of gross or toxic but i think the very beginning of my tumblr rp years lol there were no rules. it was the wild wild west out there and its crazy that i still have rp friends from that era like tati, @vaedar and @wcsea ! and that's so fucking wild isn't it??? lol but i rly think the best experience was meeting my best friend who doesn't rp on here anymore so i can't tag him but i love him so much. we actually met via an ex who was in the ovw fandom, and when we broke up they were like !! right there bc that guy kinda fucked us both over so ya know we bonded and wow i love him so much rly owe a lot of my growth to him. wish you could read this rn milo bby !! and i would say meeting and befriending rosemary @musecraft who i would also like to thank for a lot of my growth as a person and friend and just...idk i love you so much too!!! and i think we og met as multis right? or was it hera? i think it was the multi! wow i cant even remember now bc i feel like i've known u my whole life and even tho we never met irl i feel like !!!! i have already? idk. u mean !! the world to me and i love you to pieces. and i truly truly thank u from the bottom of my heart for just !! idk making that move to speak to me one day and letting me be your friend <3 and lastly even though we're not on great terms anymore i guess but i gotta say rly thankful for my most recent ex. i just rly appreciate that they allowed me to explore my imagination and rly encouraged me to dive into characters i never thought i would before, or to dive further into the ones i already love. like london??? existing is all bc of my ex. lunafreya too. makawi-sa as well. they may not be my favorite person anymore but they rly gave me a space to be creative and i have to acknowledge that. AND LASTLY LASTLY gosh this is like a rly long thank u speech but @honnleathrose .... wow. i know we're not as close as we used to be anymore but meeting you, our friendship, everything you've taught me about photoshop and writing and just being a good person and standing up for myself. meeting you !! and having those laughs and skype sessions with you were everything!! and i love and miss you and truly meeting / befriend you is on my top list of the best things tumblr has given me. so as much as i complain about this site now... i got my reasons to stay <3

𝚛𝚙 𝚙𝚎𝚝 𝚙𝚎𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚜/𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚔𝚎𝚛𝚜: i mean other than the usual don't be an asshole shit but when ppl are just ?? mean and angry?? for no reason??? there's truly no reason to be so up in arms all the time !! i rly think ppl, espec on the internet. are just... so in the defense all the time and its rly hard. as someone as anxious as i am it makes approaching ppl rly hard now. so yeah, if u give me that vibe. thats it. i'm done. also when ppl don't get that i just dslgdfjk i need time sometimes. i'm not fast !! ooc or ic. i'm tired and depressed and i want to write and talk when i want to , ya know?

𝚏𝚕𝚞𝚏𝚏, 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝, 𝚜𝚖𝚞𝚝: 👀👀👀 all of them !! but y'all know smut has a special place in my heart. i love smut lol but also angst. pls hurt my feelings

𝚙𝚕𝚘𝚝𝚜 𝚘𝚛 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚜? both !! but definitely plotting. the more you plot with me, the more we create together the easier it is for me to write! to create and know how to respond. othertimes i get rly stuck on whether YOU'D THINK ITS OKAY. so truly the more we plot, the better!!!

𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚛 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚝 𝚛𝚎𝚙𝚕𝚒𝚎𝚜? i truly don't care !! just write with me <3

𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚎?: when i'm smoking and drinking my coffee and got a good show or movie or podcast in the background uwu

𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚖𝚞𝚜𝚎? in some sense there's a part of me in every muse! but i think the muses i gravitate towards the most are @khrused and rosalie hale, mainly due to their histories and pasts. hera was birthed as an exploration of my own trauma years and years ago when i was rly struggling with all the realizations in college. and rosalie.... i just... what happened to her is what happened to me (except murder ofc) and i've always HATED the way sm/eyer wrote her in the books... i just...it was a personal vendetta for me to get it right. so i own rosalie hale now. she is mine. and i will make it right. just like !! i worked through my own shit !! ya know?

tagged by: @wcsea thank u my love !!

tagging: @madewebs , @musecraft (if u haven't done so already lol), @whalefelled , @timpahura , @theysonder , @immobiliter !!

[tragedienes]

@mutatedangels / in reply to this, because i like to turn memes into threads lol i hope that's okay! made in beta.

soleil was a fuckin' liar. there, she just said it, and jeannie's already tenuous belief in her shattered completely then. that was what hurt the most, suspecting that she had been lying and then believing her anyway. jeannie felt a little mean, privately thinking her friend's stories were fabricated, or in the very least exaggerated, but she chose to give soleil the benefit of the doubt because she had just been so damn lonely. even before, when she was just a child and ice skating was only a hobby instead of her occupation, jeannine had a hard time making friends. the culture that figure skating promoted didn't exactly lend its self to friendships much either—everyone, even the few friends she did have, were competition.

she had left that all behind her, though. at least she had tried. since officially hanging up her skates and returning to small town louisiana, she had the same problems she did before, now she just made a lot less money (and had a lot less stress, too). her coworkers at big lots hadn't warmed up to her, nor had she warmed up to them, in her long eight months stocking shelves and ringing up customers. her step-mother, jesus christ did jeannie hate her, and she loved her toddler half-sister but she couldn't be counted as a friend. enter soleil.

soleil reminded her of a time in her life she had tried hard not to miss. she was glamorous and glossy, always speaking of fabulous adventures and famous people. jeannie had not wanted to admit that skating came with benefits, all the sponsorships and free clothing, all the perks that being a (moderately) successful skater gained. she had not wanted to admit that sometimes she still dreamt of olympic gold, she still wished she could've made it farther in her career, that she hadn't given it all up just because she was getting older and aging out. even if a tiny part of her thought soleil was a bullshitter, she was willing to ignore it if it meant she could still be in reaching distance of fame. maybe, if their friendship continued to grow, they'd both head out to new orleans or hollywood and take advantage of soleil's supposed famous connections, and jeannie could probably try her hand at being an influencer or something. just anything to get her out of her dad's house and a big lots uniform.

hearing her friend's excuses, it was making jeannie feel frustrated, ready for a tantrum that would make a kindergartner think she needed to relaxx. "that is not the way to play this!" uncrossing her arms, she held out her hands exasperatingly. even if there was some truth to what she was saying, jeannie didn't think that was a good enough explanation. sure, the house that jeannie lived in was nice, half a million dollars, but it was her dad's house. she had no real claim to it, not with her dad's new family taking up most of the space. sure, she had been used to the finer things in life, being gifted nike shoes and adidas sports bras, taking first class trips to european countries for competitions and exhibitions. that was all in the past, however. that wasn't the girl she was anymore. if anything, jeannie was more like her than soleil had realized: they were both broke as fuck. at least jeannie hadn't lied about it, though.

seeing her friend start to cry, it almost broke her resolve. she held fast, chin turning upwards slightly. "did you ever consider that maybe i would've liked you even if you did live in some shitbox and hadn't made up a bunch of stories?" jeannine dryly swallowed. the slow, sad little tear dragging down soleil's face nearly made her crack, but she kept it together. "i didn't have nobody either, y'know. i came back here to this town i hate and live with people i hate, and work with people i hate. you were the only person 'round these parts that didn't piss me off... now i really don't have anybody. in fact, i wish i had never met you. then i wouldn't be so disappointed."

[ailelie]

Hello!

I think I saw a "come to me if you want recs!" post on your blog when I reblogged your Pride is not the Word I'm Looking For rec but I can't find it again and I'm not sure it exists anymore.

If it does exist, can I have stories that are about family dynamics and/or found family with a comedic tone that partially masks the potential tragedies looming in the background? Or maybe the tragedies are not masked at all- as long as I'm laughing before i cry my heart out.

If the rec post does not exist please ignore the above and accept my delight for reccing pintwilf, which is a great fic which needs to be recced more. :3 i really liked how you described it!

Thank you!

Hello!

I don't remember making that post, but! Found Family is a trope I like, so I combed through fics I've enjoyed to see if any fit those themes. Many of these, though, are going to be things that I think are close, but not quite. Regardless, I hope you enjoy!

Ain't No Compass, Ain't No Map by ebjameston (Batman, 51k) I'm not sure whether or not to count the Batfamily as found family, but they're certainly all adopted (officially or not) into the family. This one has the outsider!pov of a CPS agent tracking down the missing Tim Drake. Jason Todd has taken unofficial custody of Tim. The CPS agent slowly gets pulled into the family as well.

Building a home by R95irth (The Untamed, 586k) While this fic does include romance, the emphasis is on Cangse Sanren, Wei Changze, Jiang Fengmian, and Yu Ziyuan making a family with one another. This doesn't ever delve into poly among those four, but focuses instead on close, familial friendships. The children, though, definitely see all four adults as theirs. The story is complete and has an ongoing sequel that currently stands at over 700k. This fic is an investment, but well worth it.

Doing the Work by MarbleGlove (59k, Naruto) In this story, a civilian woman decides to take care of Sasuke after the massacre and to subtly teach him how to become a clan leader. She never quite takes on the role of 'mother' for Sasuke nor does she treat him like her child. They do, however, become family.

Life Happens by Cdelphiki (Batman, 176k) Tim and Damian, who are still, very much, at the hating each other stage of their relationship, end up stranded in our world. Tim swiftly steps up as Damian's caretaker, becoming both his brother and father-figure as they spend over a decade in our world together. Meanwhile, Tim also builds up a support system of mentors and friends. This fic is amazing beyond amazing with a fantastic slow-burn family.

This Must Be the Place by mugsandpugs (X-Men Evolution, 160k) Logan ends up taking care of the Brotherhood kids when he realizes they have no adults they can rely on. The Brotherhood kids are definitely all family to one another and Logan steps in as their adult. He does the work to earn their trust.

Hunting Pains by Ragga (Teen Wolf, 230k) A grieving Stiles throws himself into the past after his entire pack dies. While there, he ends up the reluctant mentor for a teenaged Kate Argent. From there, he slowly heals and builds a new pack while dealing with key threats early. This is probably closest to pure found family on this list, I think. It does contain a romance, but that is secondary to the platonic relationships among the new pack.

No Winter Lasts Forever by TomFooleryPrime (Star Trek, 303k) This story is a doozy and likely the furthest from your request. Basically, a woman who is deeply grieving and wanting to feel more alive ends up having sex with a Vulcan experiencing Pon Farr. They both, iirc, blame themselves for the encounter and see the other as their victim. Then she gets pregnant. They marry and move to a very remote location while still barely friends. The story focuses on their relationships with the community around them, their developing relationship, and the tension of being, again, on a very remote outpost with limited supplies. Very slow burn. High stakes. Much tragedy, but also much determination and hope.

reverse by blackkat (Naruto, 386k) Kurama the Kyuubi gets tossed into the past when Naruto is just a little kid and ends up taking the boy on the run. While dodging Leaf ninja who want to get Naruto back home, Kurama ends up adopting or befriending the rest of the jinchuuriki. This fic has a little romance, but the emphasis is on caretaker and sibling relationships.

Muddling Through Grey by Kizmet (Young Justice, 64k) In a world in which Superboy remained rather isolated, he gets forcibly adopted by Flash's rogues after he asks them to kill him mid-battle. The fic focuses heavily on the found family among the rogues, the parent-child relationships with Conner and Snart as well as Digger and Owen, and the friendships among the Young Justice crew and baby rogues.

I hope at least one of those will hit on what you're seeking!

[littlebigmouse]

TMA MAG 58 - hey squad it's the cannibalism mention of the day!

[shrek voice] They didn't even eat anyone.

Honestly I was not looking forward to an episode about settlers on the Oregon trail, but instead this episode quickly became part of my top ten? Love the main character for this one. Unnamed author of the statement, I respect you, your attitude, your gun, and the talking corpse of your foolish husband.

I need more stories featuring marriages of convenience like this, where its just two people with similar goals going "eh, tax benefits" and hitting it off.

Regarding the supplement:

Yeah, I am 100% with Tim on this one. Honestly would love to get more on how Tim's been struggling since the Prentiss attack, since his experience was quite similar to Jon's there, and the fact that Jon now 'looks at him like a murderer' must not have been easy, on top of everything.

I need Jon to investigate harder so I can learn things about Tim as a character before he gets hurt.

Because that's what this is leading up to, isn't it. Jon is spiralling hard - he still has literally NO SUS on Tim, despite even stalking him to his home - and every interaction that should deter this behaviour just makes him double down. At least he's backed off Martin's back for now. I do think Martin may be Jon's last chance to get out of this, because I don't think Tim will just roll over and offer whatever secrets he may or may not even have that Jon is so desperately looking for. I'm starting to think Jon doesn't even care what he finds on people anymore, as long as he gets any information on them without asking? I guess? Honestly, given how fruitfull the confrontation with Martin has been for Jon, one would think he would learn from this encounter and just ask his coworkers about things.

At this point I am wondering if I've missed an episode, because there really is no indication to suspect any sort of criminal activity from Tim, who's been struggling with the aftermath of the Prentiss attack, and all his coworkers, who I assume he would have considered friends back then (I doubt he'd still consider Jon this now), suddenly acting batty (Sasha's weirdness, Jon's... yeah, Martin kinda siding with Jon over Jon fucking stalking Tim).

This is the first indication we've gotten from Tim that he's not doing okay, as he's been lightly teasing Jon over Basira the past few times he's shown up. So from Tim's perspective, he's been giving Jon enough opportunity to get his shit together, to get back to normal, to get back to the coworking friends who bonded over a traumatic event, but of course Jon didn't even realize the extended olive branches and kept pursuing his conspiracy theories with the subtlety of a thousand worms breaking into the archives at once.

Again, I genuinely do not believe Tim has anything to do with Gertrude's murder. But I do believe Tim's been cracking because of Jon, and something has got to give soon. I'm only at the halfway point of the season and I am already wondering how they'll keep escalating this conflict for 20 more episodes, considering Jon is already running out of leads and suspects and everyone else keeps getting closer to just slapping him in the face for his trouble (best case scenario, and honestly valid). I think things are going to get worse before they get better. I do think Tim's and Jon's friendship will end before they potentially get a chance to rebuild it. I also think, given that this is a horror podcast, either Jon is going to push too far and commit a horrible mistake that will severly hurt one of his coworkers (with Martin kinda on his side, Not-Sascha getting a different subplot and Elias remaining a giant questionmark but being too emotionally unimportant to Jon, so the most likely candidate is Tim right now), OR Jon is going to push Tim beyond a breaking point that causes him to commit such an equally horrible mistake, most likely self-destructive. However, Jon needs to be alive to witness the aftermath for angst purposes.

Please Jon, get therapy. Don't let the story hurt Tim! I genuinely enjoy his personality, for as little as we get to see of it.

[typicalrambles]

new era of self

I recently went to Singapore in hopes of securing a job which I ended up not getting. My trip may not have been successful in that department, however, I was able to find myself again and regained some sense of independency and what I think is a new appreciation of life.

For years, I've been depressed (no surprise there) but was able to ward off suicidal thoughts or tendencies. There's my five year relationship where for some reason I was completely in denial of the shit that I was going through that I blinded myself completely from reality that by the time I got out of the relationship and my home situation, I became heavily depressed and suicidal and made me manic for months on end. After a while, I was able to regain myself but ended up sinking right back into these thoughts by 2020. From there it was all just an absolute shit show. I ended up with friends that were fucking awesome but weren't exactly the best for me and my mental health. We were all extremely mentally ill that we all just allowed each other to self-sabotage without even knowing it. Don't get me wrong, there were definitely a lot of times where we've learned from each other that did actually help us become better people but that wasn't always the case. They were definitely supportive but it seemed to only be up to a certain extent. The friendship ended when I started living with my partner and they didn't really seem to approve of this and weren't vocal about it either where they just ended up kicking me out of the group. I shouldn't really be surprised since we have been kicking people out of the group more and more from 2021 to 2022 until it was me that they decided to kick out in 2023. I don't feel bad about it anymore but I can't deny the fact that I do miss having people that would listen to me and be there for me when I need them.

I'm still in a relationship with this partner that I lived with at the start of 2023 but he's now in the states and I have no idea if it will actually work out well or not considering how terribly things have been between us from October '23 to February '24. He is trying to patch things up while also trying to focus on building his career out in the states. I do wish that he brought me with him and again, not for selfish reasons but only because I wanted to help him out too but this guy is so hyper-independent that he refuses to receive help especially when it comes to "providing". It's admirable but I do notice how easily influenced he is by his environment and I'm not entirely sure how that would affect him in the long run. I just hope that things work out well. In my opinion, he is such an amazing partner if you exclude everything that happened the past couple of months. During our relationship, we've gone through so many ups and downs that made us feel as though we were in limbo but we were still so happy with each other at a certain extent because of how amazing our chemistry is. Whenever we're together, we share the same wavelength and its something I've never experienced before with a partner. It's definitely so easy to get along with people in my opinion but having to have the same thoughts, goals, dreams, wants in life is something so rare. Our relationship feels like a movie. I hope this one has a happy ending.

Those past few months, I was feeling extremely worthless and suicidal which I have to admit there were multiple attempts but were fortunately unsuccessful. My parents think that we should have just invested in getting myself better equipment for me to get a job here in the Philippines instead of spending an entire month in Singapore. They have no idea how much Singapore actually helped me. I had to go around Singapore alone since my aunt and her family were busy with work or school. I had to find myself a job which I applied to more than 100 in a single month. Apparently, there was a mass hiring back in March that I just missed and during the time I went to Singapore, they were no longer looking for foreign candidates to hire. Going back, I had to bring myself to places to keep myself distracted and to actually still enjoy my stay even while looking for a job. It was something I've never experienced before. It was if I was in a country that I've never been before despite me going there multiple times growing up. I even got lost several times but it was definitely so much fun to go around the city not knowing where I was especially since I was only familiar with Orchard. Singapore is a fast-paced growing country and there were so much changes over the past 5 years. It was so easy to get lost in a place like Singapore but it was also so easy getting used to. I saw myself wanting more and more to live there even when I felt so scared at the start. I've met different people, got to know about their lives and their culture which helped me figure out more things about myself and what I want in life.

04:33 12th May 2024