#stolen from twit

[bibellebibuck]

[smaragdine]

Shits so embarrassing 🤦‍♀️

[miquellah]

[londonfoginacup]

.

[inlandempir]

[savpumpkinhead]

the parallels between castiels confession and crowleys confession (though im sure completely unintentional… i think) are insane?? i posted a video of me adding the song “the deal” by mitski to my supernatural playlist, but my friend (before seeing which playlist i added it too) responded “AZIRACROW” and it opened my eyes man (first to the fact that they both made deals, then to more of the parralells) cas and aziraphale both, in a way, made “deals” and though crowley was the one to confess, not azi (which would be the cas of the situation bc he is the one who made the deal) its still insane to me ?? cas’s confession was also like a last attempt to keep dean because it was his final idea, the only tool he had left, to keep billie from getting to dean. he sacrificed himself for dean. crowleys kiss was also this “one final attempt”. im actually loosing my mind.

[edgelite]

freshman XXL

[relativelyfvcked]

[ickadori]

++ 𝐋𝐀𝐃𝐘 𝐅𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐀

[summary] focalors takes on a rather rambunctious puppy hybrid.

[cws] fem reader -> hybrid reader. tribbing. oral (furina receiving). ownership (hybrids are deemed as pets). overstimulation (furina). unedited.

Lady Furina had never found the prospect of ‘owning’ a hybrid to be beneficial to her in any way, even when it first became legal to do so in Fontaine and it was all the rave.

Merely stepping onto your front porch for a breath of fresh air granted you the sight of hybrids of all kinds being led around the streets by their owners; cat hybrids, bunny hybrids, dog hybrids, lamb hybrids, hybrids that looked more animal than human and vice versa.

She never let her gaze stray to them, not even when they ogled so shamelessly and tried to grab her attention. She was usually more than happy to indulge her citizens when they so desperately wanted her attention (always the show off) but she deemed hybrids as… less than. She was a God, after all, thee God. A God amongst Gods when compared to the others, and someone of her caliber was above giving mere animals, property, her attention.

But then you had appeared in her courtroom - an overactive dog hybrid without an owner who had been accused of stealing food from the local vendors. It was a case hardly worth her attention, you being the clearly guilty party, the only evidence they needed being the gooey danishes haphazardly crammed into your pockets, but yet she still found herself engaged in the proceedings.

She watched from her perch as you poorly tried to act as your own defense, brazenly denying that the sweets you had stolen were actually stolen. You claimed that you had baked them yourself at home, despite your lack of a home. When the scales had finally tipped against you and the verdict was read, you had hurriedly stuffed the sweets into your mouth before the guards could drag you away, eliciting a chorus of laughter and cheers to ring throughout the room.

You had managed to pique her interest - you were amusing, opposed to other members of your species who served as nothing more than a cute thing on a leash to be shown off. You were rebellious, but not in way that of someone purposefully trying to anger the law - it seemed that you just had poor impulse control, lacked a proper owner to reel you in and quell those bad behaviors…

Furina saw herself fit to be that owner.

-

Furina would never admit that she had bitten off more than she could chew, especially when it came to her being overwhelmed with disciplining a hybrid of all things. A woman of her stature, a God, unable to keep something not too far removed from an animal in check? Preposterous!

“S-Stop it at once!” Her voice is breathy, weak, and it holds none of the finality and confidence that it usually does in the courtroom. Her gaze, usually so firm (yet still often wavering), is clouded now, dazed and heated as she looks up at you from where you have her pinned beneath you, her thighs pushed apart and up as you straddle her sex, your own sex frantically sliding against her own.

“Lady Furina,” you pant, hips desperately bucking against hers, breasts bouncing and swaying with each of your movements. Your clit repeatedly bumps into hers, puffy lips sticky with yours and hers juices. “Lady Furina! ‘S good—you feel so good!”

She gasps, nails clawing at the wooden floor she’s splayed on, and her head weakly shakes from side to side. She can’t count how many times she’s come, nor how many positions you’ve put her in ever since she walked through the front door of your shared home — her mind has been coming and going since you first wrestled her pants down and buried your face between her slender thighs, tongue sloppily lapping at her clit and folds.

Sticky, tacky sounds can be heard as you hump her cunt, pussy lips gliding together, holes drooling and clits kissing. Your clit is hard and twitching over hers, and she keens, lips parting and eyes glossing over.

“Messy… ‘n wet.” Your ears twitch atop your head, nose wrinkling and eyes rolling as your hips begin to move more aggressively, firmer, rougher, cunt dragging against hers. The dustings of white hair on her cunt is slick with the both of your juices, sparkling like a pretty diamond, and a scream gets caught in her throat when you slide your pussy off of hers and drop to your stomach between her thighs, mouth latching onto her as you lap at her dripping hole.

You moan and groan against her, slurping at her cunt and sucking on her clit. Your tongue weaves between her folds, dips into her fluttering hole and rubs against her walls, even travels down her crack and teases at her other hole, eliciting a yelp and a weak pull at your ear until you go back to feasting on her pussy.

You mumble something against her, words muffled due to your lips being suctioned around her clit, and your hands move to grope at her breasts, fingers sinking into the flesh as you squeeze at the small mounds.

You detach from her clit, lips brushing against the sensitive bud as you rasp out, “Come, Lady Furina. Come again—like last time. I wanna taste you.” Your words are fast, slurred together, and suddenly two fingers are pushing into her hole with a lewd squelch, your lips moving back to suck at her clit with vigor.

Furina’s eyes snap shut, hips rocking into your mouth as you rub at her walls, and she lets out broken moans and stuttered gasps as she feels that immense pressure getting ready to release.

Your fingers scissor inside of her, tongue lapping at her clit, and her thighs clamp around your head as a spray of fluids leave her, an excited yip leaving you as she drenches your mouth, chin and cheeks further.

Your fingers pull free from her spasming cunt to instead push past your lips, fluttering eyes focused on her sensitive, overstimulated sex, and Furina lets her head knock back against the floor as she fights for her breath.

She doesn’t even attempt to get up, muscles feeling like jelly, but after a few seconds she begins to wish that she had at least tried, maybe then you wouldn’t have taken her stillness as a sign to once again slot your pussy with hers.

Ever the insatiable mutt..

[millenniumfae]

i like how Astarion is both a privileged noble while also a slave. it's an entertaining mix that i rarely see in fiction.

he said he was a magistrate in Baldur's Gate before being jumped by a gang consisting of the ethnic minorities he used to oppress. 'magistrate', in most fantasy franchises, usually means a civil lawmaker position inherited through lineage, based off of the real-life ancient Roman position.

in-game, he's (hilariously) such a high-class twit. he makes off-color jokes about saving deep gnomes. he says the city park is kitschy and that the camp's wine tastes like vinegar.

he's lived off of rotten rat blood for 200 years. he slept in chains on dirty dungeon floors. he was gonna be a living sacrifice for his owner.

vampires are, after all, both the murderer and the victim. they live off of stolen blood from the lower masses, but they themselves had to have been preyed upon in the first place to become a vampire.

"the biggest threat to vampires isn't the sun. it's another vampire."

[unabashednightmarepizza]

𝑆ℎ𝑎𝑑𝑜𝑤 𝐴𝑛𝑑 𝐵𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝐶ℎ𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑖𝑐𝑙𝑒𝑠, 𝑃𝑎𝑟𝑡 7

Tagging: @bloody-mf-bsc, @augustwithquills

Liked by benbarnes, freddycarter1, sujaya_dasgupta and 6,348,672 others

Y/N Y/L/N-Barnes: Wonder where they had gotten these... weirdness?👀

P.S: Continue to laugh. For now. Because one, I'm working my ass off here as you all have fun and two, I'm gonna be feasting on your tears later.😌

View 762,563 comments

freddycarter1: benbarnes, will you please tell your wife to cool down?😰😧

User6: NOOOO, MOMMY Y/N DON'T DO THAT TO US

User7: They were just in a silly mood, they didn't mean it right?!

user4: Ever since that interview with "Never Have I Ever", she is giving them absolute hell and bitch behaviour except Ben( he barelly saved his ass) lol djdbjc

user9: I missed that one! Why, what happened? user2: They answered "Never Have I stolen anything from the set?" which they all replied with yes and were cocky about it. Y/N then answered that it wasn't because of them being discreet and stealthy but because she let it happen, and she told them she knew everything they have ever stolen. user7: Didn't that put her in a rough situation tho? user2: Nah, she just flipped her hair and dramatically said "I'm rich, I payed for them." dındekjn user12: I wonder how Ben, who is usually the one being bullied by her, was able to save himself? user4: Simple. When he was asked what else he "stole" without her knowing, he answered with a puppy eye "Y/N." and that was how he saved himself from the couch.

User7: Smooth... Very smooth benbarnes😏 Still, we were there before you tho😒😐

User5: It's just the way they are mommy, look, we are your precious babies right? Please don't make us cry.

User2: putting the people begging Y/N to spare their fragile mental health, I'd like to say how Callahan looks like a God but is a cutie pie in Real life... please step on me.

jacktwolfe: Danielle the Axelotl and Freddy... I don't know what Freddy is

Y/N Y/L/N-Barnes: Me too boy, me too... I don't want to know how he did that with his mouth

freddycarter1: I have many talents Y/N, not that you know 😎

Y/N Y/L/N-Barnes: 🫥😶😐😒🤨 Say that to your wife 🍹👎

kittheyounger: 😧😱😨

User9: Ben is such a mood. My life would be in chaos, and the life around me could also be chaotic but as long as I have my tequila and whisky, we are all fine.

User6: Freddy is their New victim lol Love you all💓

User1: I think Danielle is becoming an eagle...

Liked by benbarnes, pascalispunk, tchalamet and 6,921,311 others

Y/N Y/L/N-Barnes: This man is a lot of things. Husband, father, son, friend... Occasionally cool, but never for too long. He told me to take a photo of him to show how cool he is to our son but instead he giggled at his silly father in his own Darkling costume...🥹💓

View 572,436 comments

user8: With every picture she posts, I gain one year in life. With every photo shadowandbone posts of her, I gain 10 lives.

User2: So precious ❤️

User1: Piercing and charming brown eyes on a man is the sluttiest thing ever.

User5: Y/N, will you ever talk about that first "Lego Date" you and him had that you two became official?

Y/N Y/L/N-Barnes: Maybe in my YouTube channel, if people really want to know, with Ben's permission ofc, I don't see why not? 😊

User3: Y/N the Concent Queen 🙏

User2: Guys, let's not traumatise Ben again with our thirsty comments about him being a real dilf🤣

User13: Darkling: evil incarnate with every possible War crime, perhaps a groomer, manipulative bastard who is obssessed over power... Meanwhile Ben: Babygirlified 42 years old man who simps for his wife and would commit war crimes FOR her and their son and is "the twit with the portrait"

User5: nOoo you didn't just bring Dorian into this djskdjjs

User13: Someone had to

User6: May the lord save us, how were you able to shoot those photos with him so close to you Y/N?

User12: I'd have folded easily

Y/N Y/L/N-Barnes: A little bit of heart attack, swooning for my husband and then definetly folding, everything was fine. It's easy really 🙃😊

benbarnes: Stop saying those things just like that 😊☺️🤭

User14: Ben is melting hard~😏😋

User15: If this doesn't end up with her pregnant again, I don't know what will. Maybe a girl comes this time sjsjsj

User15: Okay, guessing the little Barnes looks like the exact copy of his dad, the kid will have immaculate looks coming from both his dad and momma. LOOK HOW GORGEOUS THEY ARE?!🥹 *crying intensifies ehiel holding the family picture of them in my hands delicately*

pascalispunk: Want to see my little champ and his reaction as well!

Y/N Y/L/N-Barnes: Just sent you the video!

User7: Ben lost to little Barnes today, the baby ADORES his momma🥹

amita_suman: He looses every time anyways🍷😎

User6: Y/N is winning in everything she does, this is her Barbie world💯

benbarnes: My little girl will definetly think of me cool, just so you wait for a few years,love.🙃😤

Y/N Y/L/N-Barnes: And what makes you say we are having a girl in the future?? Maybe it will be another boy who adores me???

Liked by freddycarter1, calahan.skogman, emilia_clarke, emmaroberts and 6,893,561 others

Y/N Y/L/N-Barnes: Another day, another chaotic moment!

1.The fuck hoe? Leave my precious camera alone, do you know how expensive is that? I can give you a toy one, just please go and threaten someone with that cane of yours.

2. I'd like to say, seeing a huge man absolutely melt at the sight of these cuties were pretty funny! Don't worry though, we adopted them!

View 652,412 comments

User2: Freddy, Y/N already pays for enough, please stay away from the cameras. Those shits are expensive as fuck!

User9: Have a lovely day you two!

User12: Guys, I just came back from her YT video, and the fact that Y/N fucking Y/L/N-Barnes literally went and visited every single one of the cast members, who are already the biggest simp possible for her and almost fainted when they saw her before their door, to thank them personally for how FUCKING amazing they are and how much of a GOD TIER acting they did is just... Ma'am you shouldn't be THAT FUCKING AWESOME❤️💓

User2: she brought gifts for them too! But her explanation is way funny: I brought something edible to all of them because come on, what am I gonna do with flowers? Eat them like a cow? 😒😉😋😁( her face expressions btw)

User5: and with the straightest face possible to mankind djskdjjeks

User4: Thinking about the fact that we're living at the same time as Y/N Y/L/N-Barnes, Ben Barnes, Amita Suman, Jessie Mei Li, Kit Young, Freddy Carter, Patrick Gibson, Archie Renaux, Daisy Head, Danielle Gallighan, Calahan Skogman, Jack Wolfe and everyone else in the cast is... What a fucking Era to live Y/N Y/L/N-Barnes liked

Y/N Y/L/N-Barnes: Okay first of all, I'm impressed by your sheer dedication of writing every single name... And thank you for being so sweet, we are lucky to have fans like you as well! ❤️

User12: Y/N, the mother of us all, the best decision you had ever made was choosing Freddy Carter as Kaz FUCKING Brekker and Ben as Darkling beyond doubt... We can't thank you enough 🙌🫶

User3: Emma Roberts liked her post... Does that mean the new project is AHS? 👀

User14: That would literally top her(near) every project

User15: Someone please include her in a new emoji game, thirst trap video, interview whatever! I NEED MOMMY Y/N AND HER REACTIONS ON EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM

user6: Unrelated but I want to know what was the hardest scene to film for her?

Y/N Y/L/N-Barnes: Anything with that damn goat. It kept either distracting us, or head butted someone. Mostly Kit tho

Liked by benbarnes, freddycarter1, archierenaux3 and 5,978,352 others

Y/N Y/L/N-Barnes: To anyone who calls this cast "A happy and cute family"... I'd like to point out that these six are the worst of them, including yes my own husband.

1. Those little shits after Archie pointed out me tripping on my own feet and my husband daring to laugh( I feel pretty betrayed because why are you cackling amita_suman and jessie_mei_li?)

2. Them, finally able to take a serious photo because damn it, I need to have a decent photo to give to the press! Poor photographers were begging me to keep them serious long enough 🤣😄

View 621,541 comments

User5: We are now at a time when all the women like Y/N had been at least once in their lives...

User8: Wanting to have some appreciation because everyone has been doing exactly the opposire even if we women work hard ASF and even harder than most people?🤨

User5: That too, but no. Homicide. And murder. 😈👹😊

User7: These people + Y/N could break me in half and I'd say thank you mommy/daddy

User5: their laughs are so precious... even if It's at poor Y/N 😁

blakelively: Your husband is there and you are feeling betrayed because of the girls laughing?

Y/N Y/L/N-Barnes: I'm used to him making fun of me since... I'm the weird one in this marriage lol But not Amita and Jessie, we are weird together, why did you laugh at me? 😭🥲

User3: Is that the way we treat her? Is this what her children(us) and little Barnes wants?🤨

Y/N Y/L/N-Barnes: I agree luvie... I was thinking about giving him the couch punishment while my boy sleeps with me.

User2: Mommy Y/N please stoo working too much! Your health matter more and you should spend time with your family and friends!

User13: Y/N, we are grateful you taught Ben the Emoji Language really. Thanks to you, he finally understands the young fans like us and win games 🙃

[jamiesfootball]

I feel greedy asking for more when you’ve already posted so many snippets, but if you’re okay with it…🌧️

🌧️Share something angsty from your WIP.

The pasta hit the water with a satisfying sizzle. Even though it'd been two years since Roy had been personally victimized by a meal plan, the novelty of eating pasta was one he'd learned to treasure. He turned down the heat. As the bubbles dispersed, the sound of Jamie's voice again picked up from the living room, where from the sound of it Matilda's parents owned quite a nice house. Roy snorted as Jamie pitched his voice higher. He was really going for it now, trying to sell the dialogue of the little girl and landing somewhere in the vicinity of Rebecca Welton with a sore throat: "'I don't see how sawdust can help you to sell second-hand cars, Daddy.'" The next voice was gruff, sloped lower as if it were stolen from Roy's own vocal chords, "'That's because-'" The voice ground to a halt. Roy opened his eyes curiously. Before him, the water simmered in a contented roil. From the living room, the rustling of someone adjusting themselves on the couch. Jamie cleared his throat, and it was uncomfortable, strangled sound. "You alright there, Phoebe?" "I'm fine," Phoebe answered. A question mark lingered under her words. "We can keep going." "Right. Right," Jamie agreed. He cleared his throat again. Coughed. When he picked back up, his voice was flat and matter-of-fact: "'That's because you're an ignorant little twit.'" He stopped again, or Roy thought he did. It was hard to tell over the sudden ringing in his ears. "Matilda's dad's a bit of a prick, ain't he, Phoebe?" "He's awful," Phoebe agreed eagerly. "Didn't you see the movie?"

[quietbluejay]

Betrayer 2

they both earlier got described as the mirrors of their primarchs Argel Tal gets it again, indirectly, when he's described as having the innocent face of a battlefield priest Argel Tal smiles a lot, and they're mostly false and Kharn hates it but his real smiles are worse

we then get more of a bird's eye view of the seventeenth and the twelfth preparing together and its slobs vs neat freaks

not to meme on it but, lol and now we pass the world eaters

argel tal, also will never understand the world eaters kharn: you just have to understand that some people actually enjoy war

that's fair

and now it's time for Kharn to go see to the World Eaters rip, Kargos killed a dude that everyone liked in the fighting pits last night also Kharn doesn't really remember Isstvan III and now Angron shows up and everyone goes silent

Angron has iron teeth I think it's ambiguous who the "he" refers to

esca being the psyker, btw Angron is drooling and his pupils are "pinpricks" disagreeing with Angron is suicide, and Kharn isn't suicidal so…lol oh boy "Creature", Angron calls he's summoning over Argel Tal it's time to bait Argel Tal!

joy Angron continues to twit Argel Tal about Cyrene he brings up that she's being worshipped on Lorgar's flagship, that her bones got stolen by fanatics etc Angron: you couldn't protect her when she was alive OR after she died, why DOES lorgar put up with your failures except said with more insults

and now we get treated to a description of Argel Tal's arms

…I mean his weapons and armour not a muscle description i hate that i have to clarify this in this series though you know it's been a while since i've had to run across a gratuitous muscle description oh his second sword belong to a Custodian, it's the one that was used to kill Cyrene Kharn laconically wonders if anyone talks about the great battle of the Custodians vs a blind civilian woman anyways Argel Tal pulls it out and attacks Angron, who treats him like he's an enthusiastic dog that wants to play, and throws him in the air …this is not my endorsement to treat your dog in this way it's now time for Argel Tal (who sprouted bat wings) and Kharn to psychically talk about Angron

kharn doesn't have a response argel tal: you get it too, right? and kharn admits that the whole legion gets it

well, no no it did not also we've got a repeated pattern of kharn really being uncomfortable and not knowing what to do in the face of genuine sympathy or attempts at comfort

literal and metaphorical fog of war

i dunno kharn, you seem to cringe a lot the prose focuses on the physical sensations of the environment while not talking about the actual fighting which adds a fun layer of disassociation to everything actually, that was present in the lorgar chapter at the beginning as well it's like there's a thin glass wall the narration talks about cavalry in the age of bronze and the dust there, lol

well that's bad design lol you'd think especially given the bad environmental conditions on Terra that this would have been considered

the idea of guilliman is the shadow they're boxing against

it's very interesting that we have this glass wall separating us from the actual ugliness of combat given this is the World Eaters book it's also interesting because Kharn is, or perceives himself to be, very alone here time to meet Lotara

Lotara: you should have let me bombard the city from orbit one thing that surprised me about Lotara is that she's got the cut-glass accent

Kharn jumps on a downed tank a few times, and is disappointed when everyone inside is dead

Kharn immediately gets another call lol it's Skane who you may remember from the prologue Skane wants to know where he is Kharn has no clue Kharn grumbles internally about it being the Destroyers of all people who made contact with him wonder of wonders Skane is actually able to track his signal

36? boy that's young yep "one of the youngest flag-captains" which means a lot of people wanted to write about her and take her picture lol

huh apparently it was accomplished with a surprising lack of bloodshed wasn't there some legion that did kill their remembrancers?

it's the red handprint lotara is also very different from what i expected tbh her side of this battle is going a lot better that whatever mess was happening on the surface

also the following sequence with her honestly is very reminiscent of the way an Imperial commander would act in Star Wars including the RP accent which she textually has and surprise but Angron actually got back to her

warhammer is once again the chronic pain franchise also there's a Titan Legio

I do wonder if pain creating ugliness is going to be a repeated element here after he hangs up Lotara notes that Kharn is right and Angron is getting worse

kharn tries to organize everyone who hasn't gone full berserker unfortunately almost everyone has gone full berserker

the horus heresy is a (black) comedy the word bearers are, as you might have guessed, standing in a semicircle, chanting in colchisian as they crucify three ultramarines kharn couldn't help but cringe kharn admires the still struggling ultramarines more than the word bearers kharn: you guys really have time for this desecration word bearer captain: seems like you've got time to run off and get separated from any backup kharn revvs his chainaxe

[zahri-melitor]

This apparently has no real Santas in it but I am COMMITTED at this point, have another Holiday Special fully reviewed. Next up is DC Holiday Special '09 #1.

It's always fascinating which characters make it into the specials. Reading these has reminded me that the war stories and the frontier stuff apparently has a bunch of fans - there's frequently Sgt Rock, Enemy Ace, Jonah Hex, etc.

Silent Knight - Batman. I am presuming DickBats chases a crook dressed as Santa and ends up in a warehouse of Santas. He identifies which is the crook, takes him out, and then is invited to what looks like a Santa Christmas Party.

Man of Snow - Superman. A kid makes a snow golem. This is one of the Hanukkah stories. Supes talks to the family and takes the kid flying.

The Flash Before Christmas - Flash. Family time story! Wally is very busy at Christmas with family and hero responsibilities (including fighting Killer Croc with Dick and Donna!) After the fight Dick and Donna twit Wally ('Linda got you a present, remember you have Raven in the Secret Santa') like the good best friends they are. (Also Wally accidentally gives the wrong gifts to Linda and Raven and has to emergency-switch them).

Also delightfully Wally keeps saying 'crud', presumably because he's working to avoid swearing with the twins at home.

The Christmas of Doom - Doom Patrol. Flashback story (Beast Boy is on Doom Patrol). Rita and Gar both hate Christmas. Rita and Steve make the offer to adopt Gar.

Party Gift - Superboy (Actually Match). This is unfortunately Bizarro!Match, who organises the Christmas Party for assorted Rogues Galleries.

Reason for the Season - Martian Manhunter. Another flashback story, it's J'onn as John Jones, police detective. J'onn learning about togetherness on Earth, as opposed to the Mars type.

Angel & the Ape - this has no title, and is just the two soliciting for holiday donations for kids' presents.

A Peace on Earth - Sgt. Rock. Sgt Rock runs into a German soldier on Christmas Eve 1944 (literally). They sit down and drink cognac and smoke cigarettes together, and discuss family and their fathers who both died during WWI. Then they both 'follow orders' to shoot on sight when encountering the enemy...by both firing into the air, before parting.

Stille Nacht - Enemy Ace. General Werner Dietrich wants an air assault on the English and French lines on Christmas Day 1914. Enemy Ace takes his squadron over the lines ready to bomb...only to see the Christmas Truce and refuses to bomb the mixed English-French-German troops singing carols together.

The Hunt for Christmas - B'wana Beast. So this is a bad guy character I didn't even know existed, who has been dead since 1992, and is an avatar of the Red (except he got resurrected in n52 because of course he did). That out of the way - our man here is hunting poachers in Africa and brings supplies stolen from them to a Christian Mission (all set to Light Shining out of Darkness by William Cowper).

Look. Decisions were made here. I really want to know who pitched this, and who approved it. The writer is Beau Smith, whose other writing credits include a lot of Guy Gardner: Warrior, and being co-writer on the Batman-Wildcat (which I adore for its 90sness) and Catwoman-Wildcat minis.

Home for Christmas - Captain Marvel. Billy is fighting Ibac and they realise they've knocked down a homeless shelter. Both having connections (Ibac's had a friend on the street; Billy's been homeless), Billy insists they need to rebuild the shelter, after which they agree to stop the fight for Christmas.

Unbearable Loss - Deadman. Boston saves a suicide jumper - Scarecrow's mother.

A Night Before Christmas Story - Red Tornado. Reddy is trying to find a present for Traya that is the IT gift that year, and is horrified by the venality of man when it comes to competing to get a low stocked toy.

He does manage to get the toy, but realises as Traya comes to cuddle in bed on Christmas morning the real present is family.

Naughty or Nice - Huntress. Helena stops a shop robbery, and contemplates what makes someone good deep inside.

Seeing the Light - Ragman. The OTHER Hanukkah story this issue, retelling the story.

Auld Lang Syne - Adam Strange. Adam's trying to get home for New Year's Eve but fighting crime keeps interfering.

[franki-lew-yo]

About the 'Roald Dahl edits'

Can someone please just show me an actual, undoctored picture of the changes being made to which books?

That's all I ask! I keep seeing absurd clearly liberal-mocking fake scans that no book company would ever make being presented as "evidence" of the changes. Don't do that. Show me a list of the changes.

Welp, I'm writing about this because, as I've expressed before, I love Roald Dahl as a writer but I don't like him as a person. That's the thing about some people's work- it just comes with the territory that they are at LEAST 'problematic' given the creators worldview; Dahl, Lovecraft, Tezuka, Uncle Walt, even my German-crabapple daddy Ted Geisel. I'm not gonna @ these dead ppl for DARING to not be up to my modern liberal standards no more than I am gonna paint them as REAL LIBERATORS bcuz I want them to be -! When it comes to removing books from circulation or editing out words, I understand.

Regarding the changes though...I really haven't seen anything that's too wild?? Yet.

As a brief aside, I think it'd be better for everyone if The Witches was just removed from publication. It's Dahl's most offensive book when you combine it with his real world politics. And again I say screw the accusations that this book is 'sexist' when the problem with it is that it's antisemetic and so was Dahl.

But honestly? Changing the line to be "some ladies do wear wigs and there's nothing wrong with that" works with Dahl's writing style. Same with calling Augustus Gloop 'enormous'. Same effect in place, just without the sting of just calling a child fat.

Now, if these lines are left in place while Luke's grandma's explaining in the text how "no, don't pick at people's hair even if they're wearing gloves they aren't all witches" are given the boot, I can understand some outrage. But, again, to me I think this is better proof as to why Witches should just be left alone and maybe not published anymore. The og text did provide context, the problem is that the book itself is racist by asserting that all witches are 'evil', and that the only reason to not bother women with wigs and gloves is they "may not be a witch". That's messed up, even if it weren't alluding to any real life antisemetic-isms. Asideaside-- I'd be very curious to see how the The Twits is changed if it's changed at all. Twits has this very poignant description of how, no matter how unconventional you are, you can never be 'ugly' if you are good and sweet- where no matter how "pretty" you are, if you are an ugly person inside people will see you that way. It's a really good breakdown of that phenomena even though it's still technically bodyshaming. Also, they're monkeys, not people (take that as you will) but The Twits is about an abused family of stolen monkeys and birds tricking the Twits, who are their captors, into killing themselves and then returning to the wild where they belong. --- Anyway...removing the part of BFG where the giants says humans of different country's taste different or Mr. Grasshopper's awful quip about Mexicans in James and the Giant Peach isn't any skin off my nose. Especially if they are going to read to young kids today, kids don't need to hear that kind of language. Philly Pullman can disagree with me all he wants but personally I think these books, not their author's squeaky image or politics, deserve to live on.

That being said-

I would be upset if changes were made that started insisting that characters who were fat AREN'T fat, now. Or that the white cis cast Dahl wrote were now being described as bipoc or genderfluid when they weren't. Let's not pull a JK Rowling here. Yes, it is true that for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Roald both a) wanted Charlie and the Buckets to be a black-British family and b) removed racist descriptions of the Oompa Loompas within his lifetime from real life pygmies to a fantasy-race. That's awfully neat of him for someone so much of turdwhich. Those kinds of changes are best for adaptations and reinventions of the stories. But it'd be indecent of the publishers to suddenly push the idea that the Buckets are black and always have been now, and/or that the Oompa Loompas can't still be racist somewhat just because they aren't depicting a real life ethnic group. To alter the original text of the books well after Dahl's death to be more 'friendly' IS the kind of censorship and historical revisionism to be wary of.

It's there that Pullman's comments of 'read another book' ring true: If you can't take that the book has some problematicisms in it, I tell you there are other children's books to read! By making the text of the books 'progressive by modern audiences' standards, that'd be erasing this very discussion and, more importantly, the concerns of BIPOC/Jewish people everywhere.

That'd be like if Disney rereleased Fantasia and had a redesigned, less offensive Sunflower in the background. That'd be disgusting, not because Sunflower shouldn't be reclaimed or redesigned, but because that's a company wanting to hide from the mistakes of the past in order to sell more stuff to you and make you trust them. I'd love me a black Charlie Bucket, but in a new version of Chocolate Factory, not an attempt to hide liberals from the fact that uncle Dahl was racist.

That's what I think should be continued, both as a way to keep his work alive and also to diss Dahl from beyond the grave: adapt his works!!!

Fantastic Mr. Fox, Matilda, James and the Giant Peach, BFG, and Willy Wonka are awesome. Dahl hated changes to his stories being made for film....so change his stories for film! Some things have to change and should change. While the 2020 Netflix The Witches was bad, I could get on board making Luke and the humans in the story people of color. That has the potential to turn the connotations of the original on it's head; instead of witches being a metaphor for 'secret societies' they'd be an illusion to real life organizations that tout themselves as kind and homely and traditional but are actually pure evil. How the witches specifically target children of certain demographics only for the dog to bite back and fight them with their own medicine- also keep the nice witch from the 80s film.

None of these changes would ever fix the fact that the og book is what it is, but they're an example of why adaptation, not revisionism, is so important.

Don't hide from mistakes of the past. That's why I'm as upfront with you all about my inspiration for my works being Dahl and Dr. Seuss. These people are not perfect and they're also not my own essence of creativity- but you can believe I was inspired to write because of them. Dana Terrace absolutely has Harry Potter to thank for The Owl House-it doesn't mean Owl House should pay for Harry Potter's sins. Let Owl House pay for it's own sins, thank you!

When it comes to problematic/ offensive work of the past, we should not be hiding from them. Teach kids and adults to think critically and learn that their white-made nostalgia is biased and bad sometimes. When it comes to problematic/ offensive works by still living authors, please just don't by Hogwarts Legacy.

That's all I got. Feel welcome to @ or message me if there's something my white-Gentile-ness forgot or am leaving out. I want to have an actual conversation about this cuz I think it's important. This post also kept me from falling asleep midday again.

[nanoland]

HEY SO who wants a sneak peek at the first page of my new book?

(coming out 10 November, preorder here to help an indie author out <3)

VOILA, MY GOOD BITCHES:

Chapter 1

He’d spotted seven snow-coated corpses on his way to the summit thus far and had paused only to spit on them for discouraging him.

“Daisyhearts!” he rasped as he dragged his aching body over another infernal rocky ledge, his fingers throbbing inside the thick, expensive gloves he’d stolen along with the rest of his climbing gear. “Custardspines! May your widows laugh when they think of you! May your – nngh, ow, ow – may your bones roll downhill and land in a cowpat!”

To give his mind something with which to occupy itself besides the biting cold, he wondered as to their identities.

His research had revealed that seventy-two men and women were known for a fact to have died on the way to Evil Veronica’s icy pinnacle, and over two thousand according to legend and rumour.

Most of the known casualties were idiots; highborn second sons with a chip on the shoulder, more money than sense, and everything to prove. They usually died before reaching the halfway mark, which he’d passed eighteen hours ago.

“Could have gone to university, you rich twit,” he chided one reddish-grey lump that might have been a boulder as easily as a person with a click of his tongue. “Could have become a renowned scholar or… or one of those wanky artists who paints meadows. Made something of yourself. What a waste.”

Which wasn’t entirely fair, he knew, given that many of the corpses had, in fact, been men of learning who’d made the climb in search of new plants, a better view of the stars, or, in one notable case that people were still chuckling over, to find out if angels could be charmed from the Heavens if you just got high enough and sang the right hymns.

Over there, for example.

Unless he was very much mistaken, that was the great bronze telescope of Lord Fabian, renowned astrologer and absolute loon, poking up from the pile of murderous white powder that had killed its erstwhile owner ten years ago.

“Hey there, beautiful,” he crooned at it. “I’ll tell you what, eh, if I could get you down the slope and back to civilisation, you’d probably earn me enough to buy a nice little observatory of my own. And drugs! Oh, I’d buy so many drugs. Enough to bury a horse in.”

Gods alive, he was cold.

EVIL MEN: 10 NOVEMBER 2023