#streamer diary

[ghoulwithglasses]

Starting Fresh on Twitch – Again (A Rant, a Reflection, and a Reboot)

Well, against my better judgment, I’ve decided to start streaming on Twitch again. Yep, here we go — round two... or maybe more like round five at this point. But this time, it’s different. This time, I’m starting from scratch. A clean slate. A brand-new username, a new identity, and no baggage from the past.

Back in April, I had a falling out with one of my closest friends and most supportive followers — someone who had been part of nearly every stream, who was integral to the little community I had worked so hard to build. That fallout felt like a gut punch. Not just because of the personal sting, but because it forced me to confront something I had been trying to avoid for a while: things just weren’t working anymore. Not with Twitch. Not with my content. Not with my sense of fulfillment.

I walked away. From Twitch. From the half-dead Discord I’d tried to keep alive. From the screen name I’d used for almost four years. I was so deeply tired of that name. It carried weight — not the good kind. It reminded me of who I was when I started. And who I no longer wanted to be.

That account was born during a really dark chapter of my life. I started streaming back then as a distraction, a lifeline, something to look forward to. Somehow, I found a little community that welcomed me. They made me feel seen, even if I was just a voice behind a screen. Encouraged by that, I jumped into streaming. And for a while, it actually felt amazing. I was making something. Sharing my love for games. Building something real.

But over time, the momentum faded. The numbers stopped climbing. The chat got quieter. I took long breaks to recharge, hoping things would feel different when I returned. I came back refreshed and full of new ideas, only to be met with the same lack of engagement. I tried everything — rebrands, schedule changes, Discord revamps, themed events. It felt like I was throwing ideas into the void.

And so, I nuked it all. Left the Affiliate program. Deleted the account. Wiped the connected socials. Burned it all down.

I told myself I was done. That I had outgrown streaming, or that it had outgrown me. But over time, a feeling crept back in — something I hadn’t expected: I missed it. I missed hitting "Go Live." I missed sharing game moments with others. Hell, I even missed stressing about dropped frames and botched overlays.

So here I am, once again, standing at the edge of the stream (literally and figuratively). But this time, it’s different.

This new account wasn’t even supposed to be for streaming. It was just a placeholder. A quiet username with no expectations attached. But now? Now it’s my new beginning. And I’m coming into this with eyes wide open.

There’s no pre-existing community waiting for me. No built-in hype squad. Just me — and a small handful of friends who followed me into this new version of myself. That’s it. And that’s okay. Honestly, it’s kind of freeing.

This time, I’m doing everything on my terms.

No chasing trends. No trying to keep up with other streamers. No gifting subs just to keep someone’s attention. I’m not interested in playing the game of popularity anymore — I’m here to play actual games.

I’ll be setting firm boundaries. I’ll be taking things slow, building at a pace that feels sustainable. I’ll be consistent with my schedule and intentional with the games I choose to play. I’ll focus on creating a space that reflects who I am — a little weird, a little nerdy, full of aliens and game glitches and chaotic fun.

I know it won’t be easy. Building from the ground up never is. But I’m not expecting instant success. I’m not looking for viral clips or overnight fame. I just want something real.

So here are my first three goals for this rebooted Twitch journey:

Goal #1: Get Affiliate — start small, build the foundation

Goal #2: Reach 100 followers by October — a tangible milestone to work toward

Goal #3: Be consistent — show up, play games, keep promises to myself

More than anything, I want to enjoy this again. That’s the heart of it. Not numbers. Not clout. Just the love of gaming, of community, of connecting with people who might be out there feeling the same way I did when I first hit "Start Streaming" years ago.

If you’ve ever felt burnt out, disconnected, or like you had to walk away to find your way back — I see you. Here’s to fresh starts, to second (or fifth) chances, and to building something better, brick by brick.

If you'd like to check out my twitch and toss a me follow here's my link. Click here! Live on Mondays, Fridays, & Saturdays!

[kimmie2me]

Dynamite and His Player 2

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀𓂅⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Twitch Gamer!Bakugou x AFAB!Reader

.....

Bakugou glances over at the camera, brows furrowed as he adjusts his headset. "Alright, you extras, get ready to shut the hell up," he growls, his voice laced with annoyance. "She’s real. I’ve got her right here, and she’s playing with me tonight."

You laugh off-screen, causing his chat to explode with reactions. Up until now, they didn't believe a word Bakugou said when he claimed he had a girlfriend. After all, this is the guy known for his explosive reactions when things go slightly wrong. He grumbles, trying to keep his cool, but the slight blush on his cheeks gives him away.

The game loads up, some horror-puzzle co-op that requires a ton of coordination. But while Bakugou’s all business—focused on solving puzzles and surviving—you have other ideas. You’re busy teasing him, wandering off to explore the map, or purposely messing up just to get a rise out of him.

"Can you just—dammit! Will you STOP wandering off?" Bakugou snaps as he watches your character take another detour. "We’re supposed to be working together!"

You grin at the screen, purposely moving your character in circles. "Aw, come on, Suki~ We’re just having fun, right?"

His jaw clenches, and he mutters something under his breath about "not having fun if you keep screwing around." But his viewers are eating it up, laughing at his frustration and flooding the chat with comments like "She's brave for messing with him, LMAO😭😭" and "Bros .4 seconds away from exploding his monitor for the 10 millionth time🪦"

Eventually, he just huffs, slouching in his chair and mumbling, "Fine. Do whatever the hell you want. I’ll just wait here." His expression says he's beyond annoyed, but the hint of a smile peeking through his scowl gives away that maybe, just maybe, he's actually having a little fun too.

Grumpy Twitch Gamer Bakugou Headcanons

...

— Every time he messes up, he narrows his eyes at the camera with that “are you stupid?” glare. Chat spams "IT’S NOT OUR FAULT!” and "WHY R U LOOKING AT US LIKE WE DID THAT??" but he just huffs, “If you idiots weren’t DISTRACTING me…”

— Bakugou’s streaming style is brutally honest—constantly throwing out curses like it’s second nature. If he dies in-game, his go-to is, “How the hell am I supposed to win with this garbage game?!” and he never blames himself, ever.

— He has zero chill. Every so often, he’ll pound the desk so hard that the camera shakes, and one time he punched his mic so fiercely that it cut out, leaving chat in hysterics as he tries to fix it, muttering about “this piece of crap gear.”

— After every gaming session, he gives a review of the game he’s playing—most of which devolve into full-on rants about terrible controls, stupid enemies, and “whoever the hell designed these levels.” At this point, it's an entire essay by the time he's done.

— There are moments when he hits the mute button just to scream or cuss off-mic. Chat sees him red-faced and mouthing words, knowing he’s losing it, which makes them spam laugh emotes to annoy him further.

— Sometimes, when things get really bad, he just simply says "Okay." and goes quiet, leaning in close to the screen with this intense focus. Chat knows that if he’s silent, it’s only because he’s plotting to obliterate whatever got him killed.

— It’s become a running joke with his followers—every time he streams, they place bets on which piece of his equipment he’ll break. He’s replaced his keyboard three times already and had to upgrade his camera stand because he broke the last one during a particularly heated rage quit.

— When he finally beats a level, he acts like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “See? Wasn’t even hard, you just have to not be a dumbass.” Cue the smug smirk.

— Occasionally, in his absolute rage, he’ll end the stream immediately after a loss. One second he’s there, screaming at the game, and then—stream offline.

— Despite all the rage, he’s actually insanely good at gaming. When he goes on a winning streak, chat blows up with admiration, but he barely acknowledges it. “’Course I won—who the hell do you think I am?”

— He has zero patience for backseat gamers. “Oh, you think you could do better? Why don’t you go start your own damn channel, then!” The mods know by now to instantly time out anyone who even hints at suggesting how he should play, and the ban count is astronomical by the end of each stream.

— Occasionally, Bakugou gets so into the game that he goes almost silent, and chat jokes it’s an ASMR session because all they can hear is his intense breathing and muttered curses. “Oi, STOP saying it’s ASMR, it’s not ASMR, you freaks!”

— Loading screens are his worst enemy. Every single time, he glares directly into the camera, arms crossed and seething, ranting about the “stupid long loading times” and how he could’ve “beat the damn game twice by now.” and how "a whole child could've been born by now." Chat watches in suspense because they know the rage is simmering, just waiting to explode.

— If he’s playing a console game, the controller does not have a safe future. He’s thrown it across the room, slammed it on his knee or desk, and even threatened it like, “You’re next, you little piece of shit, keep messing up on me.” He’s gone through so many controllers that his sponsor had to send him extras.

— When he loses in a PvP game, he has 1,001 excuses. “Lag. Dumb luck. Exploiter. The devs nerfed my character, obviously.” If chat calls him out, he just scoffs, “You think that was my fault? Keep dreaming.” And the mods instantly clear out any “L” spam from chat because he’s already dangerously close to slamming his keyboard.

— His channel has special emotes for when he loses his temper—explosion icons, angry Bakugou faces, and even one of his own “ARE YOU FUCKIN’ KIDDING ME?!” face. Chat spams these whenever he starts heating up, which only fuels his fire.

— His viewers love to try and provoke him. Someone will innocently say, “Hey Dynamight, I think you missed something back there,” and he’ll instantly pause, glare at the screen, and say, “I DIDN’T MISS ANYTHING, DUMBASS, WE'RE MOVING ON.” It’s like a game within the game for his followers. (He goes back to check right after.)

— “Easy mode?” he scoffs at the suggestion. “I’d rather throw myself into a fire than play on easy mode.” Even if he’s dying over and over, he’ll never, ever change the difficulty. Chat has tried for months to get him to switch, but he’s stubbornly loyal to “the only real mode” (aka Hard Mode, Nightmare mode or above).

— If he actually wins a match, he’s unbearable. He’ll sit there, grinning and basking in his victory, smirking at the camera with a smug, “And that, extras, is why I’m better than every single one of you.” Cue chat sarcastically clapping.

— He once had a bet with his mods that he’d try to do a stream without cursing or raging. He lasted five minutes before he exploded, screaming, “THIS GAME IS FUCKING RIGGED!” after an unexpected jump-scare. The mods were dying, and he banned half of them out of spite (they were unbanned five minutes later, but still).

— Every time he’s about to start a new game, he’s got this exaggerated, dramatic intro: “ALRIGHT, EXTRAS, prepare yourselves ‘cause we’re about to dominate the shit outta this game. And if I see anyone backseat gaming, you’re banned. Don’t even THINK about telling me what to do.”

— Every now and then, when he dies for the tenth time in a row, he just deadpans to the camera, “I swear to God, I’m deleting my channel after this.” Chat knows he’s bluffing, but they still spam crying emojis like “NOOO PLEASE DON’T” just to mess with him.

— Every so often, when he’s focused on a tough level, he’ll mutter something like, “Okay, maybe you’re not so bad, chat. Don’t tell anyone I said that,” and the comments absolutely blow up with hearts and “WE LOVE YOU, DYNAMIGHT.” He immediately goes red and yells, “Didn’t mean it, idiots!” but it’s too late.

— Once, he rage-quit a game so hard that his entire setup fell silent. He’d punched the desk, and the screen went black. Chat watched in shock as the stream just… cut off. The clip went viral, with an entire 30-minute compilation titled “Every time Dynamight destroyed his setup” He came back the next day, reacted to it, and you already know he gave the video a thumbs down and left a long hate comment.

— His mods convinced him to play a “relaxing, casual game” that was secretly full of jump scares. The first time it happened, he almost flipped his entire desk. He immediately banned half of his mods and told the rest they were “on thin ice.” Chat still laughs about it every time he plays a “cute” game.

[kitti-luvs]

[7eventh7eaven]

୨୧◞ 。valentine's day baking stream .ᐟ 🧁

﹒୨𝑒 ﾟ ˖ so for one, i'm not actually streaming on valentine's day (i've got a boyfriend in this dr, i'm busy!) so my valentine's day stream is happening like, a day or two before the 14th

﹒୨𝑒 ﾟ ˖ i'm baking on stream, making these adorable red velvet cookies. my kitchen is all decorated, and i have a cute outfit on with matching nails :33 - side note but i loveeee finding nails for me to get on pinterest, especially when they're themed omg

﹒୨𝑒 ﾟ ˖ anyways, i'm baking on stream and i realize i ran out of my valentine's sprinkles (◞‸◟)💧not a huge deal, i'll just have to use regular sprinkles. my chat seems more bummed than i am lmao

﹒୨𝑒 ﾟ ˖ little do i know, my boyfriend was half watching my stream, and he hears that i need my cute sprinkles... being the best boyfriend in the world, he runs out to the store and finds some, then comes over to my place and gives them to me <3

﹒୨𝑒 ﾟ ˖ i'm thrilled, and i drag him into my kitchen. i'm so excited as i'm telling my chat about what just happened (,,>ヮ<,,)⸝♡ and my s/o agrees to stay for my stream, or at least part of it. we yap, and he helps me with the cookies. overall, it's a very cute stream, and a lot of fun for the both of us as well as my viewers (and the cookies come out so yummy 😋)

﹒୨𝑒 ﾟ ˖ kind of a short scenario to post about, but i thought it was on theme (even if it's a bit late). feel free to use in your dr if you want hehe :3

[harupiacha]

[someonesrealityshifting]

I caught the ending of a stream of my streamer dr s/o and asdfghjkl I love him so much aaaaaaaaaaa

[angelluvs]

𐔌 THE MANY LIVES OF ANGEL ꒱

｡﹒ rainy ୵ day [ waiting room ] ﹐ ☁️ ㆍ

☆ [ æspa ] ㆍdr -- 🪽 . ⟢ I’M LIKE S✶ME KIND OF SUPERN꩜VA .ᐟ ₊ ・┈・𐑺 [ kats3ye ]. dr 🩹

[ drėamcatcher ] 🕸️ http:dr⠀⠀[ streamer ]⠀⠀. 🎧⠀⎯⎯⠀⠀#01.48.⠀﹙✸﹚

(work in progress ⚠️ lowkey might redo the entire thing idk)

[lesbianneopolitan]

NGO Diary Entry: Pieta

Original post by Nyalra

-💊-

The internet reeks of chaos. It's packed with people, and panic lurks everywhere. Every little thing sends everyone into a frenzy, with the crowd eagerly adding fuel to the flames. Adults desperately critique others for their failures, all while ignoring their own mistakes.

Yet, we love the internet. Amid its disorder, it offers a slight reprieve from the real world, where we're expected to conform to the rigidity of "society." In an effort to rescue the souls lost in this vast, electronic wilderness, I chose to become an Internet Angel. By doing this, I could be seen, maybe for the first time. People crave attention... much like me, someone ignored in the real world. I provide fleeting comfort to those who recognize me. Angels guide the lost, after all.

Tonight, I’ll descend into the depths of cyberspace as an Internet Angel. I’ll tie up my black hair and don a golden wig. My favorite style is pink and light blue twin tails. As I move during my broadcast, those two colors spiral beautifully. My makeup is flawless—just exaggerated enough to give off an air of unreality. It makes me feel like I’m something beyond the mundane. All that's left is to slip into a sailor uniform that shimmers like the aurora and flash a smile I would never wear in real life.

A beam of light cutting through this chaotic Reiwa era internet, promising smiles to the otaku drifting in the sea of pixels, and a peaceful future. I may struggle with my emotions, but leave it to me, the Internet Angel has arrived!

"Hey Gelban! I'm KAngel, your neighbor who loves you!" When I greeted Gelban, the comments exploded with excitement. They’re pure, passionate fans, the kind who inspire me to be a faithful angel. Even though, let’s be real, there’s no god here on the internet.

"Today, I’ve got something special! My song is now available on an analog record! Can you believe it? A record! In this day and age!" [I’ve reserved mine!] [That’s amazing!] [I want one!]... The comments section is flooded with excitement. I love these honest reactions. They feel so genuine, like people can’t help but share their thoughts without a second thought. It’s as if their emotions are directly pouring out from their minds, unfiltered. Either way, it’s dazzling. I try my best to keep up with the flood of comments.

“It’s my first time using a record player, but I bought one just for this! Now I can play KAngel’s song all night long!" [I might buy a player too!] [What’s a record?] [Are you doing a solo show?]... Tonight, the comments flow like a waterfall. As long as I’m carried by this current, I imagine myself as a source of comfort for my viewers. Even in the face of hardships, there’s a joy in being a part of their lives. There are challenges, sure, but the connection I feel with so many people makes it all worth it. The night falls again with tens of thousands of otaku, all in their own little worlds, watching me...

-💊-

After the stream, I shut down my computer, took off my wig, and slipped into my regular clothes. The reflection in my desk mirror shows my usual self���not an angel at all. Just a lump of flesh, full of desire, unseen by any of the tens of thousands of otaku who tune in.

I’ve been criticized before for being "just like all streamers—fake." People without imagination always say that. If they think it’s so easy to be in front of a screen and make a living, they should try it themselves. It’s hard to reach the top in this world. Most people don’t understand how difficult it is to play the fool on purpose—to show a bright and cheerful face while hiding your pain behind the screen, all to avoid letting viewers see your suffering. Instead, they criticize anonymously, blind to the effort involved.

I don’t care about their slander—I’ve heard it a million times. But the term "fictitious business" really gets to me. It implies a business that’s fleeting, one that doesn’t leave a lasting impact. And yeah, with streaming, what’s left after a broadcast? A video. Sure, there are merchandise and things, but it’s not a solid, tangible business.

So, is KAngel just "fiction"? A collective hallucination of the lost souls of the internet? Of course, the persona is based on me—my body, my mind. But there’s a layer of fiction over it. I’m sorry it’s a lie, but no one sees the real me. I have no choice but to live this way.

-💊-

Finding material for my daily streams is a struggle. The most important thing for any broadcast is having topics, so I spend the day brainstorming, running around until it’s time to stream. When I have nothing planned, I wander the city. It’s fine to stay cooped up in my room and online, but sometimes it feels like the heat from my computer seeps into my body, dragging me into a depressive slump. When that happens, I just go outside.

Today, I went to Shibuya. I remembered that my project’s advertisement was displayed in front of the station. I pushed through the crowd to see it. On one of the walls by Shibuya Station was a large poster of KAngel, smiling brightly and holding a bottle of cola-flavored natto.

Some young girls spotted the poster, squealing, "So cute!" Some of them even took selfies next to the display with the plastic bottle of cola natto I was promoting. Everyone loves the Internet Angel. They couldn’t see the real me, standing right next to them.

I took a sip of the cola—it was awful. I only drank it because it was part of the job. If it weren’t for work, I wouldn’t have touched it. But the poster KAngel smiles, holding the cola, and those girls who don’t know any better are happily buying it. I’ve never seen such a look on their faces.

After the girls finished taking selfies, they left. How would they react if they knew KAngel was right next to them? Sometimes, I wonder if angels might be watching over people like this, unnoticed.

A little while later, we reached the Scramble Crossing. This place’s infamous for the controversial behavior of streamers trying to stand out here. There’s a superstition now that bad things happen if you film in this spot. Well, that doesn’t bother me since I rarely stream outside.

The internet can be so cold-hearted. People consume content voraciously, but once a creator slips, they turn on them like predators. Even if KAngel posted a plan to sleep in the middle of the intersection, it’d be met with a storm of criticism: "Don’t you think about the inconvenience to others?!" Of course, it’s the people causing the trouble who are at fault. It would be nice if they considered how hard it is to walk this tightrope every day.

The internet is tough. One moment, they’ll shout, "This is amazing!" or "A new star!" and prop you up on their shoulders. But the next, they’ll tear you down the moment the wind changes direction. Can people who consume content in this way really have any faith in anything? Maybe one day, I’ll be discarded like an old toy when they get bored. That would be sad for an Internet Angel.

-💊-

"Hey Gelban! It’s KAngel, Scramble Angel! I secretly went to Shibuya today! Did you see the poster in front of Shibuya Station for that natto-flavored cola? So cute, right?" [Cute!] [I saw it!] [Took a selfie with it!]... Fans respond with excitement, and the stream feels like a pure moment. It’s almost sacred. A little religious, even.

“Shibuya was so crowded that KAngel got tired… Angels can’t stay in the lower world for long. I’m more exhausted than usual, so please heal me~?” [Good work!] [Take care!] [I’m always here for you!]... Super chats pop up—comments with money attached. People give tips, hoping their comment gets noticed. It’s a world built on self-satisfaction, but if it makes people happy, then I guess it’s worth it. I provide them with content they enjoy, and I should be proud of that.

By using the Super Chat money to buy things I love, I weave a part of their world into mine. That sense of unity is strangely comforting. At first, I felt guilty about it, but now, I almost feel honored. I provide comfort and joy to others, and that’s something good.

Tonight, once again, I’ll be the cutest angel on camera.

After the broadcast, I return to be myself. I try to fall asleep quickly after searching for my name online and reading reviews. But tonight, like every other night, the stress of being an angel makes it impossible to sleep. The opinions of the internet invade my mind, keeping me awake. As my follower count grows, so does the weight on my chest. The more I take, the more pills I need to feel normal.

Eventually, I can’t sleep. As usual, my mind races. I recall the moment when even the girls taking selfies by my advertisement didn’t recognize me. I need the medicine. I swallow more pills than usual, hoping they’ll quiet my mind. The chemicals course through my bloodstream, dulling my thoughts. I feel the cold sensation at the back of my head, and while I don’t mind it, I can’t shake the feeling that something’s wrong.

I still have time before I become completely sleepy. I got up to go to the bathroom, and after staggering to relieve myself, I jumped up when I saw my face reflected in the bathroom's mirror.

For a moment, my face looked like KAngel's.

Even though I had already taken off my makeup and wig, I saw myself in the mirror, shaking my pink and light blue twin tails and smiling at myself. Unable to bear the fear, I looked down, and saw the hair that had accumulated in the drain shining gold, and I gasped again. Slowly... I took a deep breath and looked back, and there was a gloomy girl all frightened on the other side of the mirror, and the hair in the drain was also black. Thank goodness, I am now "Ame-chan".

I went back to bed and thought about what was happening. My ego and KAngel's ego are merging. My two brains are melting from the days of going back and forth between a lump of flesh and an angel. I feel like both are me, but neither of them are me.

In other words, I don't need a personality like "Ame". KAngel is the one who entertains and guides otakus on the surface, and I'm just a part that supports her activities. Because, none of the viewers are looking at me. The counters are counting up into the thousands, but not a single one of them knows who "Ame" is. Unlike KAngel, I'm not needed. No one would be sad if I died right now. The only ones who would be sad are the fans who are lamenting the fact that I've somehow disappeared from KAngel's online world. And even then, they'll probably be chasing another streamer in a few months.

It feels like I'm suffocating, but I keep thinking, "I don’t need you," over and over. It gnaws at me. I don’t want to think like this. I don’t want this. I don’t want this. I don’t want this. I don’t want this. I don’t want this. I don’t want this. I don’t want this. I don’t want this. I don’t want this. I don’t want this. I don’t want this. I don’t want this. I don’t want this. I don’t want this. I don’t want this. I don’t want this. I don’t want this. I don’t want this. I don’t want this. I don’t want this.

Finally, I reach for the sleeping pills, swallow one more, and feel my head go hazy. This must be some kind of nightmare. I've always had this strange ability to sense when I’m about to slip into one.

Tonight, I’ll endure the pain in my dreams once more. Please, someone, help me.

-💊-

A vast, pure white space. It’s just me, as always. I suddenly realize I'm sitting in a chair, and across from me is KAngel, smiling brightly as usual. Her twin tails, a soft mix of pink and light blue, sparkled and swayed with every movement. Even I couldn’t deny it—the colors were stunning.

"Hello, Gel Ban!" she greeted me cheerfully.

"You don’t have to greet me like that," I said. "There are no viewers here. It’s just me watching you."

"I see. Sorry about that, Ame-chan."

But even so, her smile never wavered, always radiating from her face.

"There’s no need to apologize. I know you’re trying your best..." I muttered.

"That’s mutual, right?" she asked.

"I’m not so sure," I replied. "I’m just an ordinary woman with a rotten character... Unlike you, no one would even notice me walking around Shibuya."

"Ame-chan is KAngel too."

"I’m not KAngel," I said quickly. "Even if I am, it’s just a small part of who I am."

"No, you two are the same."

"Unlike me, KAngel isn't tainted. The whole world, the entire internet, loves you."

"Isn’t that the same for you, Ame-chan? You are me."

I hesitated. "No. There’s a clear difference between me and KAngel."

"Is it because KAngel is a beautiful being loved by so many people?"

"Yes."

"I love you, Ame-chan."

I looked at her, my heart heavy. "I told you, I’m impure."

"Even if you're impure, even if you're a sinner, it's the role of a guardian angel to guide you."

"You don’t have to protect me," I said softly.

"No. I’ll protect you. When you’re hurt, I’m hurt too."

"It’s fine if I’m the only one hurt. It doesn’t have to affect your image."

"That’s impossible. You and I are one. We’re inseparable, lifelong partners."

"Then..." I started, but my voice faltered. "I’ll give you my ego. I panicked today because I couldn’t figure out if it’s me or KAngel who’s the main personality. Maybe I should just let you have my whole mind."

"No. If you do that, we’ll both disappear. I’ll vanish too."

Before I could react, she took my hand gently.

["KAngel, what should I do?"]

["Ame-chan, what should I do?"]

["I think it’s the other way around, Ame-chan, what should I do?"]

["I don’t know,"]

["Ame-chan, do you like me?"]

["I get annoyed sometimes, but I still like you."]

["More than anything else?"]

["No, I guess... there are times when I prioritize you over KAngel."]

["Do you like being around KAngel?"]

["Not really. To me, KAngel is so perfect it feels a bit creepy."]

["Do you like looking at KAngel?"]

["I do. She’s beautiful. I think she's cute, even if I’m just being conceited because we have the same face."]

["Do you think KAngel is stupid?"]

["I don’t think so. She’s just playing the fool for the viewers. The real fool is me, because I can’t tune into that."]

["Do you think KAngel is attractive?"]

"Yes. Thousands of fans adore you. Every ribbon you wear is charming—everything about you is perfect."

"Are you serious?"

"I am. I’m KAngel, and KAngel is me, so I wouldn’t lie."

"Do you like me?"

"I love you,"

"Do you really love me? Do you love me that much?"

"Yes, I love you so much, I really do."

She released my hand and, with a smile, rolled up her long sleeve to show me her arms. They weren’t the flawless, angelic white I expected—her arms were scarred, rough, and lined with deep red markings.

"I told you, Ame-chan and I are the same. I’ve been hurt too. I’m tainted, just like you."

Even then, KAngel kept smiling.

"I’ll save the internet, but only you, Ame-chan, can save me."

I gave her my best smile of the day, and she ascended into the sky like an angel, disappearing from my sight.

-💊-

That night, I became an Internet Angel again.

I donned a blonde wig, an iridescent uniform, and flicked my pink and light blue twin tails.

"Gelbanha! I’m KAngel, the Internet Angel!" I called out.

The otakus greeted me back with the same enthusiasm, and I smiled brightly into the camera. Among the comments, one Super Chat stood out, marked by a red frame: "I had a dream about KAngel yesterday!" It was the biggest frame, and I could tell that person was thrilled. Comments like that made me want to acknowledge them.

"With me in your dream? Ah! Angels sometimes visit in dreams, and they speak to us in strange ways. Their words are hard to understand, but they are carrying out God’s will. So, remember what KAngel said to you in your dream. That’s the message from God!"

The chat flooded with comments: [I’d love to meet KAngel in my dream too] [Does God exist?] [Angels know a lot!]...

"Now that I think about it, I’ve been chatting a lot lately. Maybe I should explain more about angels today! As an angel, I study about God. Do you all know who the wrestler who has withstood the most attacks is?"

A flurry of wrestler names flew by in the comments, but I ignored them, quickly moving on.

"It’s Jesus Christ. He’s been attacked by the emotions of so many people, but he’s the strongest pro wrestler. He returned everything with love... or so I read in a manga!"

The internet was alive with chatter as always. KAngel, the Internet Angel, received all the affection and hatred, her wings flapping once more in the window of cyberspace.

-💊-

Maybe because of the religious talk on my stream last night, I felt the urge to visit a church. I’d heard of a large one not too far away, so I decided to check it out.

The stained-glass windows were magnificent, especially how the light streaming through formed a cross on the floor. I walked through the light and spotted a real, massive cross. The most significant symbol in Christianity—the cross on which Jesus was crucified.

Suddenly, I had a vision: KAngel, crucified, her pale skin shimmering with red scars, her usual smile gone, her eyes closed in peaceful repose.

I carefully took KAngel down from the cross, holding her in my arms. I whispered, "I love you. Really, I love you so much."

Her blue eyes opened just for a moment. When she saw my face, she seemed relieved before closing her eyes again and drifting into peaceful sleep.

[rei-creates]

happy birthday to my most dearly beloved <3

[piko-chan]

^this

Also yes you are currently gonna be forced to watch me lose my mind over how much I love this girl and this game

[7eventh7eaven]

fandom so small i can't actually talk about my dr s/o because there's a non-zero chance he'll see it

[shiftesque]

　

♡ 　　 YOUTUBER / STREAMER DR 　　𓈒 　　edit

　

　

Yʼall would not BELIEVE me when I tell you that the server in question, that we play on, is FULL of people from Eurovision.. and also my other friends, but its the most fun thing in the WORLD!!!! Except I never stress about anything and I tend to just go out there, to build silly little aesthetically pleasing builds and such ^3^

　

[harupiacha]

[soggy-shifter]

A song i relate to each of my s/o's and drs

Marauders era; James, Morning Dove by Genevieve stokes

Vampire academy; Adrien, The Loneliest by Måneskin

Simon; Older by Isabel LaRosa

Overwatch; Ramattra, Rule #34 by fish in a birdcage (less freaky song is Headlock by Imogen Heap)

Marvel; Bucky, No one noticed(extended Spanish) by The marías, Matt, hot gum by Sofia Isella

vampire diaries; elijah, talking to the moon by bruno mars

streamer dr in general; fan behavior by isaac dunbar

[zhentsandsensibility]

Is it me, or has Hulu fully leaned into its demographic of largely neurodivergent, largely millennial women and queers?

It's like some hotshot exec suddenly went, "This isn't working, men! What about that middle-aged insomniac who's streamed the entirety of Bob's Burgers 57 times? What's her whole deal?"

[blackcrystalball]

So I finally got the chance to watch Damien's stream on twitch today and it was wonderful.

I normally don't catch them because of timezones and he literally started just as I finished registering for my university classes this semester, honestly today was a pretty great day.

And the stream was wonderful, the clever coup are so nice and generous, fizzthepup even gifted me a sub, which was crazy. I've never used twitch before so this was such a great first time experience. It was so fun and light and sweet and I really enjoyed it.

One thing that will haunt me until next week at least is that I completely forgot that my twitch was still under my old username. I like to have the same username across all my accounts, I completely forgot to change it and when he said it, I disintegrated. Partially because hearing an American man say "pengblackgirlorjustlexi" sounded insane and was funny as fuck, but also because I created when I was 16 as a reference to a song(that I do still like but certainly not as much).

I don't know why, but it felt like having my (nonexistent) diary read out loud. Truly 'Peng black girls' was the song of the summer at my school. And it is good, I legitimately love it, but it also does not feel like me anymore.

Anyway, that's all to say, I will be watching every Sunday stream from now on. Under my correct name. And it will be fun as hell I'm sure.