#sugakookie fanfic | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bangtanoneshotsx · 2 years

Text

Silence - Yoonkook

It's not what I usually post here...

Yoongi had a habit of acting in silence. Not wanting to draw attention to him. Jungkook soon found that his relationship with Yoongi was changing. In the way Yoongi did most things. Silently, but definite.

It started off so simple. Like a lot of things Jungkook supposed. He was a silent force. Did things without question, and without any explanation. Jungkook had heard how he used to give presents. Simply chucking it on the recipients bed, muttering ‘it’s here.’ He himself had been on the end of that sentence. Got a vintage jacket out of it.

He used to pick him up from school. An iced coffee in his hand, Jungkook’s school bag on his back. Again, he’d take it without words, simply taking one strap, and pulling it from Jungkook’s grasp, shrugging it onto his shoulder. Jungkook was still in his shy stage then. Not as bad as it had been. But conversation was lost easily on him, his hyung walking just ahead, sipping his iced coffee he had previously offered Jungkook a sip of. Though Jungkook knew if he asked, Yoongi would give him the whole thing. They were yet to debut, the itch of the stage still crawling under his skin. It was only a couple months away Namjoon promised. But Namjoon could only do and know so much.

The company had promised that the bunkbeds wouldn’t last that long. But it had already been two years, and Jungkook was still on the top bunk, just above Taehyung. His feet now reached the bottom of the bed, his legs having to bend slightly to fit himself in the wooden box. The blanket was thin, almost always askew as Jungkook tried to position the one pillow he had into a comfortable position. Namjoon’s snores reminded him of where he was, of what he was doing. And with every snore it seemed like his heartache and the deep pit of homesickness churned in him. He knew the boys were probably aware of his tears, sometimes he wasn’t subtle. And he assumed the dried snot and tear stains on his pillow case was a sure sign. He used to stay up late to have a shower, so he was used to the boys’ patterns. Used to avoiding Hoseok’s habit of waking up to get a glass of water. Used to Jimin’s little grunts. Used to the fan that was always on in the corner of the room, only giving a short relief until it faced away from you. Used to the curtains swaying slightly because of the breeze, sending Jungkook’s imagination wild.

This night was particularly bad. He had messed up in training. Badly. At least in his mind. He just couldn’t focus. His homesickness, his tests at school, the pressure of debuting. Of being the macknae, because whether he liked it or not, Jungkook knew that came with an expectation. They all pilled on top of each other, resulting in stumbling dance moves, and a broken voice, his throat never wet enough. So while he was used to crying himself to sleep, he wasn’t use to this. To the heart clenching, the feeling of utter disappointment, making you tense and curl up. He still shoved his face into the pillow, his shoulders shaking. Until something happened that he didn’t expect. That wasn’t normal. Back then, Yoongi’s habit of staying overnight in the studio hadn’t developed yet. He always came home, sometimes at the stroke of midnight, passing out as soon as his head hit the pillow. This night he must have had some inspiration to keep him up late. Jungkook had noticed his phone light lighting up the corner of the room as he scrawled on his tattered notebook. Somehow he hadn’t noticed the light suddenly switching off, and the soft pads of feet on the wooden ladder holding the bunkbeds together.

Though he did notice the dip on his mattress, near the steps. He assumed Yoongi’s feet were swinging off the edge, the elder being careful not to make a bang. Yoongi didn’t say anything as Jungkook sniffled, wiping his nose on the edge of the pillow, his eyes squeezed shut. Eventually more of the bed dipped, and his blanket was lifted. He felt the heat of the elder, the smell of his favourite shampoo making him realise who it was. Yoongi wrapped an arm around his waist, his head at the back of his neck. With slow, careful movements, his thumb gave featherlight touches down his arm in a constant movement. A slow ‘shhh’ escaping Yoongi’s lips. Jungkook found himself relaxing, his tears slowing, a headache slowly growing. You know the one you get after crying too much. Jungkook fell asleep like that. And if he woke up alone, the elder already busy in the kitchen helping Seokjin make breakfast, Jungkook didn’t utter a word.

The day they had been waiting for had arrived. Jungkook sat in the corner of the small dressing room. By dressing room, he meant closet. The television company hadn’t given them a proper dressing room. Instead, they simply had the corridor, and the tiny closet their managers had found unlocked, shoving them inside for a small bit of dignity. Jungkook was thankful for them. While it seemed like the world was against them, their managers were protective. Fighting their battles while trying to hide it from the boys. Though they knew. Jungkook could see the apprehensive stares of the production crew. The raised eyebrows that he knew only meant they didn’t believe they would last. To be honest, neither did Jungkook. He wanted to, he wanted to grasp this chance with everything. He was hopeful, he was. Really. But just some small part of him, the part he hated was doubtful. Yoongi had thrown up in the bathroom. Jungkook could tell from the pale tone of his face, and the way he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand as he joined the group. His suspicions would be confirmed many years later, now that Yoongi could laugh at the situation.

The eyeliner felt heavy on his eyes. He still had to get used to the amount of makeup they had to use. Yoongi’s eyeliner suited him, it added to the harsh exterior the management wanted. Jungkook was sure Yoongi would be placed in the role by the fans. The elder was quiet, showing his true personality in short bursts of excitement. Until he fell into the background, allowing the others to shine. Jungkook’s knee bounced, the chair underneath him squeaking. His heart was pounding. Only 15 minutes left. 15 minutes until his career started. Until BTS was shown to the world, in what Jungkook hoped was a perfect performance. He felt the crushing pressure thinning the air of the closet. He sat in the corner of the room, hoping no one would notice his nerves. He didn’t need anyone to encourage him. Didn’t want Namjoon to be the leader and rattle off a leader’s speech the company probably taught him. As childish as it may have seemed there was only two people he wanted to see at that moment. His mom and dad. He just wanted there reassurance, to know that they were proud of him no matter what happened. For just a few minutes he wanted to know he had unconditional support. He couldn’t phone them. He couldn’t baby himself any more than the hyungs did. He also didn’t want to worry his parents. They were already worried about him moving to Seoul. Worried about what the lifestyle would bring. Him calling them would only add another reason for him to move back on their list. His bottom lip in between his teeth, Jungkook shuffled in his plastic chair, glancing up at the clock that hadn’t seemed to move.

Yoongi blocked Jungkook’s eyesight, a small smile on his face as he held out his phone. With his forehead creased with confusion, Jungkook took the device slowly. Looking down at the screen, Jungkook let out a gasp. A lump formed in his throat. On Yoongi’s phone was Jungkook’s parents, in a video call.

“Thank you.” Jungkook whispered, looking up to find Yoongi, only to see he was already walking away. Jungkook sniffled, wiping the rolling tear with the back of his hand.

“Mom.” He whispered, his voice high pitched and broken.

Jungkook was the only one who had been to America before. Yet, he was still as apprehensive as the others. His eyes were still sticking together with sleep, his face feeling dry, though he knew it would get even more dry after the long flight. Namjoon hid his tired eyes with large dark sunglasses. Gripping his passport tightly, Jungkook watched as Taehyung took another five photos, his eyes wide with curiosity. It was the elder’s first time on an airplane, and he wanted to document everything. Jungkook however, was already done with everything. The chair in the gate was too hard, his back already sore. His earphones barely worked, the sound crackling out every so often. He knew that his irritability was due to his nerves. His leg was bouncing, his wide eyes scanning everything in his viewpoint. He payed careful attention to Namjoon who was talking to the manager that held their boarding passes. Yoongi sat across from him, head down, and thumb swiping up and down his phone screen. Around his neck was a pale white neck pillow, specially bought for this flight. Jungkook noticed it still had it’s tag on. Jungkook sighed, shuffling down in the chair, his feet kicking Yoongi’s carry on. Mumbling an apology Jungkook closed his eyes, waiting for his leader to tell him when to move.

Jungkook could hear the clicks of Taehyung’s camera, taking pictures of the blue sky out the window. They had only been flying for an hour or so, Jungkook couldn’t really tell. His headphones worked enough for him to chose a movie. Settling in to watch the tiny screen for the next two hours. His stomach still bubbled. Bubbled with anxiety, but also a hopefulness that was just as damming. If he hoped too much, he knew he would fall as expectations crashed with reality. He didn’t dare let himself think too much about what could happen. He let his hyungs do that. Namjoon and Yoongi had already talked about visiting music shops, about how they could hopefully gain some American audience. The boys talked like the streets were painted with gold, and a magical dust that made your dreams come true. Jungkook, however, wasn’t so sure. He wanted to believe, wanted to hope. But he had seen America before, the competition was tough. They could barely survive in Seoul. How could they manage in LA? One of the staff members had been around taking photos. Holding up a peace sign, Jungkook grinned, as Yoongi ignored the camera, his eyes shut. As the staff member passed them, the camera clicking as it focused on the next members, Jungkook decided he should do the same.

The headrest was uncomfortable. But so was his hand. With a sigh, Jungkook tried to stretch out, resting his head against the wall of the airplane. While he found himself drifting off ever so slightly, he soon got a kink in his neck. With a grumble, Jungkook sat up, opening his eyes as he peered ‘round at the members in his row. Hoseok was focused on the movie, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration and his phone on the tray in front of him. Yoongi however, was only half awake, the neck pillow still around his neck. Jungkook sighed, pulling up the window cover to stare out the window. Hoping the mindless action would drift him to sleep.

“Jungkook.” He heard Yoongi mutter. He turned back to face the elder. Yoongi was now fully awake, his hair ruffled. The neck pillow was now off his shoulders and on his lap.

“Take it.” The elder stated, his accent slipping through. Jungkook’s eyebrows rose. Everyone joked about how much Yoongi was attached to the soft pillow, some even called it his new lover. So for Yoongi to offer it to him, was unexpected.

“You sure?” Yoongi nodded, shoving it onto Jungkook’s lap. Before Jungkook could argue, Yoongi turned, closing his eyes once more and folding his arms. Jungkook gave a soft smile, wrapping the pillow around his neck and closing his eyes once more.

Jungkook’s eyes had rested on the banana flavoured frozen yogurt for a moment too long, for Yoongi to consider it a mistake. America was hot, hotter than they expected it to be in August. So Yoongi could see why Jungkook was looking at the frozen desert. There was only one problem. Jungkook couldn’t speak English that well, and he wasn’t confident enough to try. It was only the two of them just now, having been sent out by the production crew to discover the city. Yoongi felt small in the city. His mind racing as he heard glimpses of a language he didn’t know too well. At times he just wanted to shrink, become invisible. He already felt too exposed, felt like everyone could tell he was trying too hard to fit in. Jungkook however, seemed to thrive. Yoongi knew that Jungkook almost left training for America. But he didn’t realise just how much Jungkook fit in. The younger, while not being able to speak any more English than Yoongi, he just seemed to melt into the city life. If Yoongi didn’t know him, he would think Jungkook was a local. So he wanted to get Jungkook this ice cream. Needed to. Almost to prove something to himself. He didn’t feel like a good friend. Not when he was looking at Jungkook with something different in his heart. He had brought the boy up. He was there when Jungkook stumbled into the practice room for the first time, his eyes wide. Namjoon called him Bambi. He wasn’t allowed to feel this for the younger. Anyway, Jungkook was straight. Yoongi had over heard his conversations with Jimin and Taehyung at the back of the car. He knew of Jungkook’s high school crushes, of his secret girlfriends he kept from management. So maybe this ice cream was his peace treaty. One that Jungkook didn’t know he was signing. With a lot of hand gestures, and stumbling over foreign words, Yoongi managed to order a tub of banana frozen, a neon green plastic spoon shoved in the middle. Jungkook sat on a wall, his feet dangling as he took in the scenery in front of him. Yoongi took a deep breath, his grip on the carton slightly too tight. Striding over to where Jungkook sat, he cleared his throat. Jungkook looked up, his eyes softening.

“Hyung. Did you find what you were looking for?” Yoongi nodded, scraping his knees as he sat on the brick wall. Without further explanation, he shoved the tub in Jungkook’s direction. He was sure his cheeks were red. He could barely hear Jungkook’s mumbled ‘thank you’ over the white noise in his ears.

Nothing felt real. That’s why Yoongi didn’t question what Jungkook was doing at his bedroom door, his eyes red at 3am.

It was too warm under the blankets, the snow visible from the window a stark contrast. They had to use blankets in the car to keep themselves warm, the hot air barely blowing all the way to the back where Yoongi sat. The car was quiet, half of them were sleeping, while the other half were still in shock. That night was the night everything changed. At that moment, Yoongi felt everything slip from his grasp. If his career was a blanket, he had a weak hold on it. It was enough to feel secure, to feel protected, but it was easily pulled away from him. And that’s what happened tonight. Tonight they won their first big award, ‘Best Album of the Year.’ As the host shouted their name Yoongi felt the blanket rip from his hands, leaving him exposed. Now there were expectations, now he had to figure out what this meant. He wanted fame, he wanted recognition, but with that came the shadow that grew behind him. And Yoongi wasn’t sure if he was prepared for more. So he slunk to his bedroom, avoiding the rest of the group that was celebrating, albeit half awake. The weight on his shoulders didn’t lighten as he took off his award clothes. Didn’t lighten as he saw his phone light up with a text from his mom telling him she was proud of him. He finally made it. Yet his shoulders felt so heavy.

He had only been asleep for a few minutes before a light knock could be heard at his door. He expected Seokjin, about to force him to eat something, knowing he had missed the celebratory meal.

“Hyung.” A light voice whispered, making him sit up more. Even through his half-asleep state he knew that voice. Jungkook. “Hyung, are you awake? Can I talk to you?” Yoongi mumbled, smacking his lips together before sitting up properly, smoothing down the strands of hair he caught sticking up in the mirror. With a hum, Yoongi beckoned the younger in. The younger had red puffy eyes, a trail of snot falling from his nose. Sniffling, Jungkook wiped his nose with the back of his hand. Whatever it was, Yoongi knew it wasn’t about the award. Crossing his legs, Yoongi patted the space beside him on the bed. He kept quiet, waiting for Jungkook to speak first. Jungkook took a few more minutes, giggling as he took a tissue from the box Yoongi offered beside his bed.

“‘M sorry. You were probably asleep.”

“Not really. Tonight’s been a lot.” Jungkook nodded, sniffling again.

“Can I ask you a question?” Yoongi nodded, his heart picking up speed.

“Do you think you’ll ever be able to tell the fans about you?” Yoongi instantly knew what this was about. He had hinted about his bisexuality in songs before, but that was all the company allowed. As much as it was tough, he knew their reasonings behind their decision.

“I don’t know. Maybe if we get bigger, and maybe if the world becomes a bit more accepting.” Jungkook sighed, and Yoongi wondered if that was the wrong answer. “What’s this about Kook?”

“Winning the award tonight made me think about how things are changing for us. Jimin and Taehyung think we’re hitting the peak of our career. And I know what happens to groups after they’ve reached their peak. And I couldn’t let us separate without telling you this.” Jungkook took a deep, shaky breath. “I like boys Hyung.” With this Jungkook started to sob, as if every inch of tension was released, he folded in half. Yoongi could only close his eyes, a tear rolling down his own cheek as he pulled Jungkook into a tight hug, his right hand running through the younger’s still styled hair. Whatever made Jungkook feel the need to confess tonight, Yoongi was pleased Jungkook felt comfortable enough with him to tell him. He kept quiet for a few moments more, allowing Jungkook’s shaking to slow, almost stilling. Taking a breath, Yoongi’s hand in Jungkook’s hair stilled as he whispered out, ‘it’s okay.’

Ever since that night, something in their relationship changed. Jungkook shifted his weight as he tried to balance the takeaway bag and the couple of drinks he held, as he entered the passcode of Yoongi’s studio. He had been spending a lot more time with the elder. With a click, Jungkook knew the door was open. Pressing down the door handle he used his shoulder to enter. Yoongi sat facing his computer, his headphones on, oblivious to the world. Jungkook sighed, taking a seat on the sofa at the back. Picking up an eraser sat on the small table next to the sofa, he aimed before throwing it at the back of Yoongi’s head. The elder cursed, jumping. In a flash he turned, his scowl quickly morphing into a soft smile.

“Jungkook.”

“Lunch is here.” He grinned, holding up the takeaway bag. Yoongi had a delayed reaction. Simply blinking a couple times, before something seemed to kick in. Pushing back, he gestured for Jungkook to open the takeaway bag, before turning back to the computer, saving what he had done that day. With a groan, he got up, his knees clicking from not standing for most of the day. Yoongi rolled his eyes as Jungkook grinned, a bubble of laughter erupting. Yoongi shuffled to the sofa, allowing himself to collapse onto the black material, his knee touching Jungkook’s.

“What did you get?”

“Japchae.” Jungkook answered, passing Yoongi a large round brown tub, a clear plastic lid keeping the food inside warm. Yoongi hummed as Jungkook passed him some wooden chopsticks, the restaurants logo branded on the side.

This wasn’t the first time Jungkook had spent his evening in Yoongi’s studio. It had become a pattern. Only happening every so often. But it happened enough times that the rest of the boys didn’t need to wonder where he was heading.

Silence fell over the studio. The slurping of noodles the only sound breaking the silence every so often.

The two now empty tubs sat next to each other on the coffee table, the two chopsticks just peeking out. Jungkook was silent, his eyes fluttering shut only to shoot open. This happened a few times before Yoongi shifted, pulling Jungkook down to rest his head on Yoongi’s shoulder. He could forget about work for a while. Jungkook sighed contently, folding his arms.

“Thanks hyung.” He murmured, allowing his eyes to flutter shut this time. Yoongi tried to ignore the pounding heart he thought was going to keep Jungkook awake.

Yoongi cursed as another flash of lightning lit the otherwise dark studio. Rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hands, he glared at the computer, looking at the flashing time. It was too late for him to instantly understand what the 24 hour time meant. Once he did, he knew it was time to go home. Saving what he had managed to do for the night, he shut down his computer, grabbing his jacket and finally standing up for the first time in hours. His back clicked as he stretched, another roll of thunder making him jump. Looking around at the empty takeaway boxes Yoongi decided he’d deal with them tomorrow. He had to get his own food himself today, Jungkook was out with Jimin and Taehyung, a shopping trip Yoongi thinks. It felt strange not to have the youngest with him. Jungkook didn’t usually do much. Not enough for Yoongi to truly miss his presence. Jungkook usually just sat in the back on the sofa, a notebook in his hand as he doodled or tried to write lyrics. Occasionally, he’d pull the extra desk chair up to beside Yoongi, watching the elder work, sometimes quietly asking questions, his lisp coming out ever so gentle. But it wasn’t common enough for Yoongi to miss Jungkook. Not the way he did tonight. Yoongi sighed, closing the door to his studio and making sure it was locked before he walked down the corridor to the car that was waiting for him.

Yoongi kept his phone in his pocket the whole journey home. His eyes focused on the blurry city speeding past his window. The flash of lightning occasionally framed the skyscrapers in a yellow glow. The rumbling thunder threatening to shake the ground. The driver seemed more hesitant in his drive home, Yoongi usually hated asking people to drive him somewhere when the weather was less than manageable, but he desperately needed his bed. Wanted to just crawl under the dark blanket into a cave where he could stay safe, shedding all his problems. Jungkook existed outside of the blanket cave, existed where Yoongi couldn’t see him if he closed his eyes. Where Yoongi could pretend his pounding heart was due to the caffeine battling against his urge to fall asleep. His room was his own, something that wasn’t touched by the other six, somewhere Suga didn’t exist. Stepping into his bedroom was stepping into Yoongi, the scared, homesick boy who could only keep a small grasp onto the blanket that was pulled away from him with every big achievement. Yoongi, who just wanted the world to stop, even for a few minutes.

Yoongi was careful not to let the door to the dorms slam against the wall. Closing the door gently, he slid off his shoes, kicking them next to Namjoon’s muddy boots. Dropping his keys into the bowl they had at the small table next to the door, Yoongi could feel his shoulders drop. Yoongi yawned, running his hand through his hair as he shuffled towards the living room. In his tired state Yoongi didn’t notice the figure sitting on the sofa, covered in a blanket until it was too late. Jumping, he cursed, disturbing the figure.

“Jungkook?” He mumbled, his voice rough from not having to speak to anyone for most of the day. “What are you still doing up?”

Jungkook gave a shy smile, his eyes fleeting down to the ground before looking back up at Yoongi. The youngest look exhausted. His eyes half closed, his hair sticking up in all directions. There was a small red mark in the pattern of the sofa on his left cheek like he tried to sleep in the living room.

“Couldn’t sleep. Thunderstorms too loud.” Yoongi knew the unspoken words. Knew what Jungkook wanted to ask. It had become a habit ever since that night in the bunkbeds. A habit Yoongi thought they grew out of. And they had. Partly. Yoongi started to bring home guys, and Jungkook stopped knocking on his bedroom door. Yoongi couldn’t say that he didn’t stay awake afterwards wondering how the youngest was sleeping. Ignoring the strangers’ snores as he could only hope that Jungkook didn’t hate him in the morning. Of course Jungkook never did. Or at least he never showed it.

“Come on.” Yoongi slurred, starting to walk in the direction of his bedroom. “I just need to brush my teeth and I’ll be in bed. But you can go there just now.” He didn’t have to look at him to know the look Jungkook had on his face. The grateful smile, and his wide eyes that had somehow not changed since the first day he met him. Those big brown eyes Yoongi had a love-hate relationship with.

Yoongi splashed some cold water on his face, wiping some toothpaste from the corner of his mouth. His room was a Jungkook-free sanctuary, until Jungkook needed him. Then everything reminded him of the youngest. His pillows would smell like him, his blanket, his decorations would be slightly askew since the youngest liked to investigate them like he had never seen them before. Yoongi knew he could only spend so much longer in the bathroom before Jungkook would get concerned. So opening the door, he made the short distance across the corridor and into the bedroom. There, Jungkook lay, his eyes already almost closed, his breathing slow. He lay in his usual side of the bed. The fact that Jungkook had a usual side of Yoongi’s bed was something Yoongi was not ready to think about. Yoongi turned off the main light, using the torch on his phone to navigate to his bed. Turning on the small lamp on his bedside table, Yoongi turned off his torch, peeling back the blanket and sliding into bed. He turned off the light instantly. It made it easier to talk to Jungkook. If he couldn’t see him, he could pretend he was simply on a phone call with him. Didn’t have to think about the fact he was in bed with him.

“You didn’t have to wait for me Kook.” Jungkook gave a tired hum. Yoongi could feel the mattress move as the youngest shifted in bed.

“You know I don’t like thunderstorms. Didn’t want to bother anyone else anyway.”

“Who says you can bother me?” There was a playfulness to Yoongi’s tone that he hoped Jungkook could hear.

“You never say no to me hyung.” Although Yoongi could hear the small teasing note, he couldn’t help but notice how Jungkook’s voice was now a whisper. Yoongi hummed, turning so he lay on his side.

“You or me?” He simply asked. There was a pause before Jungkook quietly answered.

“Me please.”

Yoongi inched forward until he felt him hit the back of Jungkook. Silently he placed his arm around Jungkook’s waist. Exhaling softly so it tickled the back of Jungkook’s neck. Yoongi closed his eyes.

“Night Kook.”

“Night Hyung.”

Yoongi wasn’t waiting for Jungkook. Not necessarily. He was simply in the living room on his computer, having decided to work there instead of his studio. The other six boys had gone out for a meal and drinks. Yoongi hadn’t slept well the night before, his mind running too fast for him to catch it. So instead, he told them he would work on some music, hoping the music would lull him to sleep. Even if it ended with him getting a kink in his back from the awkward position he would fall asleep in. From Yoongi’s knowledge the plan was just a fancy restaurant, Namjoon had already sent him a couple photos of the food, telling Yoongi to remember to order something for himself or they’d bring back him a couple things. It was just food and drinks. That was what Yoongi thought. So he was surprised when the front door to the dorm opened earlier than he expected, a giggling Jungkook at the doorway. Except he wasn’t alone. Holding Jungkook’s hand was a strange man Yoongi had never seen. Yoongi wanted to say something as Jungkook gave a soft kiss to the man’s neck, whispering something inaudible to Yoongi. Wanted to scream that the youngest wasn’t alone. Wanted to reverse time so he could pick the studio to work in. So he didn’t have to see his heart break on the floor. He knew Jungkook liked boys. The youngest had told him so. But Jungkook had never brought someone home before. Not like this. Not to Yoongi’s knowledge anyway. Yoongi was still deciding what to say when Jungkook’s eyes caught his.

“Hyung.” He gaped, his eyes wide and almost apologetic. “I thought you were at the studio.”

“Decided to work here for a change.” Yoongi choked out, his throat dry. Jungkook nodded. Never had the air around the two ever felt this awkward. Yoongi noticed the boy standing next to Jungkook shift his weight from one foot to the other. Yoongi wanted to scoff. It was his fault this was so awkward. Why did he have to be here? Why did he have to remind Yoongi that Jungkook was an adult? Was someone Yoongi technically didn’t have to keep at arms length?

“I think you should go.” Jungkook apologised to his friend, his hand on their chest, his eyebrows knitted together.

“No, it’s okay.” Yoongi waved the thought away. “I was going to go out for some late food anyway. Namjoon’s been annoying me about it.”

“You sure hyung?”

That felt like a weighted question. What would happen if Yoongi said yes? Did that mean he was wishing away any relationship with Jungkook? Did that mean he was closing the book on that forever? Was he letting go? But what if he said no? Then he’d have to have a conversation he wasn’t sure he was ready for. The grip Yoongi had on the blanket was loosening with every second. With every deep look from Jungkook.

“Yeah.” He whispered, receiving a frown from Jungkook.

Yoongi didn’t say another word. Throwing on his shoes he was out the door before he could look at Jungkook again. His chest felt like something was weighing it down. His breaths quick and shallow. Yoongi felt more exposed than he ever did. The way Jungkook looked at him, analysed him etched on his brain.

Yoongi had his hands wrapped around a steaming cup of coffee as he sat at the kitchen table. He knew he looked exhausted. He felt it. The other five boys had come home a couple hours later, Seokjin texting him to check he was okay. Yoongi wasn’t sure how much he knew about Jungkook’s new friend. How much they all knew. They must have seen the youngest leave. Otherwise he would have gotten panicked texts about Jungkook being missing. Yoongi heard a thud signalling Namjoon had woken up. The rapper stumbled into the kitchen minutes later shirtless and his pyjama trousers riding low.

“Hyung.” He groaned, his hand to his head as he turned on the coffee machine, wincing at the loud groan the machine made.

“Good night last night?” Yoongi managed to chuckle. Namjoon glared at him, his eyes squinting.

“Don’t talk so loud.” Grabbing the macchiato from the coffee machine, Namjoon took a seat across from Yoongi. The scrape of the chair against the wooden floor creating another wince from the rapper.

“Jungkook should be feeling okay. He came home early.”

“I know.”

Namjoon froze, looking up to Yoongi from his cup of coffee.

“Hyung.”

There it was. The look of sympathy Yoongi wanted to avoid. How little Yoongi felt under Namjoon’s gaze. How pathetic he felt. If Namjoon knew Yoongi was at home would he have allowed Jungkook to go back to the dorms? Or would he have told him to go somewhere else? Has he been hiding these events from Yoongi?

“I thought you were at the studio.”

“Decided to work at the dorms for a change. I was in the living room when he came home. Don’t worry, I gave him his privacy.” The chuckle tasted bitter.

“Hyung do you…” Namjoon was interrupted by Jungkook entering the kitchen. Yoongi couldn’t help but notice the gathering of small red marks at the base of his neck. Namjoon seemed to notice them too.

“Jungkook, what have we said about marks? You know the makeup team barely has time to cover these.” Namjoon’s tired warning made it all worse. The way he spoke made it sound like he had to warn the youngest before. Was Yoongi really that oblivious? Did he just spend too much time at the studio to notice Jungkook coming home covered in marks? Yoongi’s stomach churned and for once it wasn’t because of the early hour.

“Studio.” He muttered, standing up with such a force that the chair almost fell backwards. Placing his half-drunk coffee in the sink, Yoongi didn’t look back as he collected his stuff, making his way out of the dorms.

Yoongi’s mouse hadn’t moved for the past half an hour. Day had quickly turned into evening, takeaway boxes now covering the small table in Yoongi’s studio. He had turned off his phone. Didn’t want to see Namjoon’s apologetic texts, didn’t want to see any of the philosophy Namjoon would attach to this incident. Didn’t want to see words of encouragement as the younger tried to make Yoongi confess to Jungkook. He knew Jungkook would text him. At least he thought so. Maybe he wouldn’t after last night. Usually Jungkook would make sure he ate, or he would make sure it was still okay for him to come to the studio only to appear five minutes after Yoongi’s confirmation, telling the elder he was basically outside the door when he asked. Jungkook hadn’t come today. But maybe that was for the best. Yoongi could feel him slip, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted anyone to pick him up today. He just wanted to be Min Yoongi for a moment. Let himself be the boy who was suffering from heartbreak. Though what was there truly to be heartbroken about? He had never admitted to Jungkook those swirling feelings. Never told him what was in his head every time he lay next to him. He had never been rejected. So why did it feel like he had? Yoongi sat in the dark of his studio, the only light emitting from his computer screen.

“Hyung?” A small voice spoke from outside his studio followed by two knocks. Yoongi froze. He knew that voice. Jungkook. If leaves were falling in Yoongi’s they would have stopped mid air. Why was he here? Yoongi knew there was no point in asking him to leave. Jungkook was stubborn, always had been. Plus, he knew the studio’s passcode, so it was only a matter of time before Jungkook entered the studio.

Except he didn’t. Yoongi kept quiet, hoping that the dark studio and his silence was enough to fool Jungkook into thinking he wasn’t there before he tried to enter.

“Hyung please.” Jungkook’s voice was high pitched, a slight whine to the tone. Was it sad that Yoongi was still so weak to his voice, to his pleas? Silently, Yoongi stood up, pulling the door open to reveal Jungkook with his hand raised, closed into a fist as if he was about to knock again. Jungkook’s eyes widened, his hand slowly lowering. Without a word, Yoongi stepped aside, allowing Jungkook to enter his studio. He could feel the armour grow around his heart as Jungkook took a seat on the sofa.

Yoongi took a hesitant seat next to him, his hands clenching and unclenching subconsciously, almost trying to grasp onto something that wasn’t there. Maybe the blanket that he always wanted to try to keep a hold of.

“Can we talk?” Jungkook asked, his voice small as he played with his hands. “Namjoon said it might be best to.” Namjoon. What had the leader been saying to Jungkook? Yoongi nodded. Yoongi’s heart could only pound, his bottom lip in between his teeth as he waited for Jungkook to speak.

“I made a mistake hyung.” Jungkook started speaking hesitantly. “I didn’t think about the consequences. Well, I kind of did. But I didn’t really think about what would happen after. About how I could hurt someone.” Jungkook let out a sigh. “I didn’t expect that you would be home last night.” Yoongi froze. He wanted to talk about that. “I wouldn’t have…No, I would have, that was the plan.”

“The plan?” Yoongi asked softly. The plan was for him to be there? To see Jungkook walk in with a guy?

“Have you ever…Have you ever thought that something has changed between us?” Jungkook’s eyes flitted from the floor to Yoongi and back to the floor. This was Yoongi’s time to answer. To confess. But no words spilled from his mouth. Instead, he could only nod. Not deterred by the quiet answer, Jungkook continued.

“Looking back on it, you’ve always been there hyung. Always by my side. Until it just became a thing I was used to. And I don’t know when but I started to search for you when you weren’t with me. At first I thought it was because you were my dependable hyung. But it wasn’t until Namjoon brought that girl home. How we all saw them in the kitchen the next morning. How cute they were. How open they were with each other. I wished…I wished that was us.” Jungkook whispered the last sentence, an exhale leaving him.

“They broke up.” Yoongi instantly winced at the three words that escaped him. Jungkook gave a high pitched nervous laugh, covering his mouth.

“Yeah, hyung. They broke up. I don’t want that part to be us. I’m not…I’m not explaining this right am I?”

It was that moment Yoongi’s heart squeezed. Jungkook looked at him with his wide brown doe eyes, his bottom lip in between his teeth, his eyebrows knitted.

Silently, like he did most things, Yoongi leant forward, pressing his lips against Jungkook’s. The younger gasped before smiling. As Jungkook started to kiss back Yoongi relaxed, allowing his hands to grasp onto the bottom of Jungkook’s t-shirt.

Though he was silent, his mind was anything but. Yoongi could feel a tear roll down his right cheek. Finally. Finally he had let go of the balloon that was his love for Jungkook. The balloon that made him feel so weightless but he had to carry so silently for years. Yoongi almost couldn’t believe it. At that moment, with Jungkook’s lips moving against his, Yoongi regained some more grip of that blanket. In that moment he was Min Yoongi, an ordinary boy kissing the man he loved. Finally.

#yoonkook #sugakookie #bts one shot #bts fluff #bts scenarios #min yoongi #jeon jungkook #min yoongi x jeon jungkook #min yoongi angst #min yoongi fluff #jeon jungkook angst #jeon jungkook fluff #bts fanfic

30 notes · View notes