#sukhoon au

[500days-of-autumn]

2:16 pm, 12th of july '23

Last night, I finally read the au that all my friends have been suggesting to me: Exile. I was told that it is a very heart-wrenching story and that I should prepare myself for the sadness I'm about to feel.

I wonder what could've hurt me more when I just finished reading a Land Meets Sky, a story that made my heart feel sadness, contentment, and loved --- all at the same time.

Funny enough, I was wrong.

Exile made me bawl inside my room at around 1 am just as I was starting it. It felt so familiar.

Ji had always wanted nothing but a future with Suk. Suk or nothing, actually. And for years, he had built this idea that the dream is Suk. I was also like Ji.

But the thing is, Suk had always aspired for more. Dreams include the future with Ji, but at the same time, his dreams aren't just Ji. And this difference between Suk and Ji made me realize that sometimes, even if we tried to make things work for the betterment of both parties, it is still better to go on our own.

I kept asking myself: Who really is in the fault here? Was it Ji whose only wish was assurance from Suk? Or was it Suk who took huge efforts just to give Ji his dream wedding?

The thing with life is that sometimes the blame isn't with the people involved, but with what was really destined with us. This was what made me cry heavily last night; both Ji and Suk blaming themselves, but constantly reassuring the other that they shouldn't do so.

Sigh.

Recalling Exile in my mind makes my chest feel constrained, like I couldn't breathe. I would've never survived seeing the person I love the most walk away from me, on our wedding day, with his eyes emotionless from everything that happened.

I resonate with Ji a lot. I keep thinking what it must've felt for Ji seeing Suk walk away while he was so excited to see him walk towards him. What hurts more is Ji turning his back from the door and slightly peeking to see if Suk has come back.

He hoped. And that sucks more because he was holding on to that tiny little piece of hope that maybe, Suk will change his mind. But could you blame Suk though?

Suk was tired. Even on their wedding day, their friend saw in his own eyes that he was tired. Just like what they say, the eyes never lie. As he approached the altar and Ji, his eyes showed nothing because he was already drained.

Isn't it ironic how our main source of energy and happiness can someday be the one who drains us out? In just a snap, all because his feet led him walking towards the front door, a home suddenly turned into a house, and the vows remained never promised to the other.

The ending of Exile was bittersweet, but heavy on the bitter. It's Ji finding the sparkle in Suk's eyes, even more glittery than when they were together, at the time that Suk announced that he's getting married again.

And again, I couldn't fathom what must've been in Ji's mind that exact moment. What could hurt you more than realizing you're just someone's life lesson, someone's cause of character development?

And Suk may have been happy with someone now, but Ji was still in that same apartment where memories of them in love with each other are still buried deep in the walls.

It's like seeing every corner and the only thing you can think about is the love that was once shared in those spots. Everything screams about him.

And for Ji, that was enough.

[peachy-beomie]

SUKHOON VIDEO AU:

BAD IDEA

AO3 FIC LINK: https://archiveofourown.org/works/37047037

[heeracha]

hala gagu mamsh na adik na ko sa mga twt au jusq beh ang sakit sakit sa pakiramdam ung tipo na umiiyak ako habang nag kaklase bwakinang shet. anw ito po mga twt au para sayo lahams if di mo pa knows ang mga i2 tho treasure lang to mamsh

Jaesahi AU - Land Meets Sky @/12thfic (HEAVY ANGST)

Mixed (ot13) - House No. 12 @/osshunbi (angst na crack ewan di ko pa finish eh)

Yoshidam AU - Look back and lose @/12thfic - ONGOING (angst)

Hajeongwoo AU - Agape in Eros @/12thfic (ANGST, Slight COMFORT)

Sukhoon AU - Achilles’ Heal @/12thfic (ANGST AS IN MAPANAKIT)

Jaesahi AU - 4 Dates and a wedding @/HARUTHUSIAST (Comfort & angst hehe😹😄)

ayan beh d nga lang sure if stan m ba talaga or nag iimagine lang ak beh pero try m ganda sobra kaka iyak nga lungs.

anyways lahams un lang mamsh take care ka ha stay safe bebs😘😘😘❄️❄️❄️ ayan para elsa kana let it go. dont panic its organic emz❄️❄️❄️

HALA SIYA HAHAAHHAAHA NAG REC PERO OMG OO NAKAKA ADIK NAMAN TALAGA,,, may twt au reader era rin ako dati eh 😭 laBYU MAMSH MWA TAKE FARE ALABYU