#summarized ​this one is about what its like having relationships with bpd

[sanityshorror]

Hii, how would you describe Cian's personality? (Since you dropped him he's been my favourite along with Kelly)

Also how would you say is his relationship with Devlin, do they live together, (or does the whole hellcrew live together in one big house?), who takes more care of the other?

And, one last question I've had for like a week already, if Cian had the chance to, would he have more kids?

Oooo yay long Cian ask and so much lore to dump!!! I'll put this below an undercut for the sake of everyone's dash lol. I'm gonna ask you to resend the other question beyond personality in other asks, as though no fault of your own, just his mere 101 personality turned into an essay xD if you don't want to send them again though/forget to, I'll answer them in separate posts lol.

If I were to summarize Cian’s personality in one word: obsessive.

Elaboration below cut:

Cian is Killian's son, and very much like Killian in many ways despite the fact he didn't meet Killian for the first time until he was 13 and Killian was 26. He had ran away from Ireland shortly after turning 13, to America, to go find Killian. He's been obsessed with Killian and the idea of having a close relationship with Killian all his life, he has formed the delusion that if Killian had raised him since day once, that his life would have been wonderful and Killian would have protected him from the trauma he experienced despite Killian being hardly 13 at the time of Cian's birth.

Which brings me to the one word I would use to summarize his personality: obsessive. Cian either does not give a singular shit or he is hyper obsessive with absolutely no in-between. Due to having BPD and NPD, this is only intensified tenfold. Additionally, his personality disorders play a huge role in what causes him to obsessive over that aren't possible, that are unrealistic, etc.

One of his biggest obsessions is Killian…and that's an entire can of worms on its own so I'm going to (for my own sanity's [badumpTST] sake, not get into that here).

I'm going to need to get into his personality disorders and the way they effect his personality given…well, personality disorders affect nearly every damn second of your life when you have one. They shape your personality, they aren't called personality disorders for no reason. [Source: my own lived experience with cluster b personality disorders though I'd rather not disclose anything about my own beyond that; +extensive research and one and one talks with those with these disorders. Do not demonize cluster b, you are not welcome here if you do.]

Cian's NPD tends to present covertly, at least outwardly. He hates himself, but still feels entitled to everyone's love and worship. Of course, rationally, that's very unrealistic and unattainable. He finds himself hideous, but still thinks of very, very, very few are more attractive than he is. He feels pathetic but also feels like everyone is weak compared to him. “You wouldn't last a minute in my shoes,” is a phrase he likes to use.

His BPD is heavily intertwined with how clingy Cian can be. Of course, he has massive trust issues. He's terrified of being abandoned. Devlin, his life partner, is very much his Ultimate Favorite Person™ and he tends to start panicking if Devlin so much as lets go of his hand. That's a very rare occasion though, and if he isn't with Devlin, he's either following around Killian like a lost puppy and/or pestering Julius to give attention.

Killian will light heartedly mock Cian for it but with no real bite behind it. Julius tends to (shockingly) take the ‘babying’ route with Cian. This is mainly due to them both being the first other person they met who have BPD and NPD. Julius and Cian have always held a very close friendship, even though Julius will not refuse to acknowledge the friendship. Neither will Cian, he only would if Julius did first, as to not come off weak. Cian tends to mimic Julius, which certainly has brought out many of the ASPD traits Cian has though unlike Julius, falls short of the full diagnosis.

Devlin loves how attached and obsessive Cian is though, and he's very much equally attached and obsessive. It’s not uncommon to find both of the couples together.

Cian has a lot of trauma and Issues™ but he absolutely refuses to tell anyone, and has taken to just bottling everything up. He will deny it even when it's brought up to him directly.

Additionally, he has PPD (paranoid personality disorder) and OCPD (obsessive compulsive personality disorder). He's an introvert and though he seems extremely domineering and controlling, he's not – at least not in his “hierarchy” – being the Hellcrew – as Cian is very much prone to hierarchical thinking, as is common among those with NPD.

If you want to know more about Cian or want me to further elaborate on any of this, please send me an ask!! Or many!! I love to talk about Cian!

**Disclaimer on Cian and Devlin's relationship: they did not meet until they were adults, when Dev was 20, and it was completely on their own WITHOUT Julius or Killian's influence. Julius and Devlin are like twins and see themselves that way. Cian and Devlin's relationship is not even close to “step bros in love,” it was much more of a huge “THE FUCK?!” when they finally found out everything, as Cian was unaware Julius was even related Dev, and Dev was unaware Julius was “alive” until a good four years of being with Cian. It's much more of (to the tune of Thunder rolls) an “AND THE CYCLE ROLLS…. THE CYCLE ROLLS!!” situation lol. If you aren't able to manage to comprehend that two adults who met as adults on their own aren't “step bros” in any manner…idk what to tell you lol

Devlin © @scarfaxia

[devouringcalamity]

For the record: I didnt stalk anyone. I hadnt thought of him in years before I decided to try and find out what he was up to these days. Lying to me repeatedly about how special to you I'd be and how all I needed to do was cut your name was coercive when you were trying to prey on the fact I got attached. But honestly I don't blame you for that. I blame you for acting like either of you are fucking victimized by me briefly entering your lives. I didnt manipulate your gf into doing anything. I didnt fucking sexually abuse her good fucking lord. If thats what I did then imagine what you fucking actually lying and coercing me into harming myself for you to get a kick from is, especially in the context of preying on my attachment to you, its just more fucking abuse. But no, sending anonymous messages to see how she'd react is not, in fact, abusive. Especially considering I told her and stopped after. No i didn't send messages for years. No didnt do half the shit I even said I did because despite the fact I seem real easy for falling for your fucking extremely obvious (to the point I labeled each fucking obviously guilt trippy manipulative message, because it was so obvious it made you look like you were doing it on purpose to be hot or whayever or that you were fucking stupid) despite the fact I went along with it, I'm not fucking stupid. I know you loved thinking I was an evil evil girl, oh no I did sooo many bad things. And you, of course, got off on it. Especially because you told me from the start you had a fucking philia for criminals and paraphilic offenders. So I embellished things that were misunderstandings into assault so you'd, one, feel bad for me and tell me its okay, two, so you'd think I trusted you, and three, because for a whils there you got off on it. So unfortunately no, I'm not a rapist or a pedo or whatever other awful things you said. No I never intended to let you replace my bf, for days I've been letting him know every lie that I tell you so he can laugh as I paint him as some offending pedophilic abusive monster. Its funny, cause its such an easy lie. Cause you cant ever ask for proof. So, unfortunately, I don't have the shit you think I do, and I didn't do what I said. Sorry to spoil the fun. But it serves you right. I never did get any money or real good attention from you so it wasnt too worth it. But all I lost was what, a random BPD attachment I knew was unhealthy? I mean I hoped maybe you'd go back to giving me the attention you gave me before, but oh well! No great loss. So to summarize. No I didnt do the shit youre accusing me of, yes you're an abusive manipulator, yes I lied to you to seem even worse to make you take control, yes you failed to even do that in a way I wanted, yes you failed to get revenge, and yes I will leave you both the fuck alone. This was profoundly unfun once you decided to be a fucking freak about me telling your gf you were a bad partner because you were almost bragging about how she'd stay with you no matter what abuse you put her through. Oh and blocking you in a BPD moment. So after that, I really did lose attachment. And you failed to actually make it fun for me. So why the fuck must you always pretend youre the victim, when this all started with your actions hurting your gf, and me implying you were in the wrong. So sorry. So sorry I told her you cheated and were a pedo, even though you thanked me. So sorry that made it okay to coerce and abuse me. So sorry I tried to see if she'd be more interesting. So sorry I lied about being a rapist and a pedo to make you hard and to get you to consistently reassure me and tell me how good of a person I am and how you're just as bad. Sorry that me trying to tell your gf about your abuse was enough to warrant you blowing up our friendship and then deciding to plot out my suicide and to ruin my life. Sorry I believed you when you said I was special and you just meant it in a pseudo intimate relationship way, and trusted youd changed. But yes I'll leave you the fuck alone. Remember this all happened because of your actions.

Considering you deleted all the incriminating messages i cant show more concrete “proof” of your degeneracy; but theres no reason for you to be scared ill report you if all your little pedophilic offences are fake.

The sexual abuse you did was coercion under the basis of withholding information, its also just freak behaviour in general.

Anyways, you cut deep enough to get a scar and thats really all i wanted, its more sad you did it, despite being “so aware” of what im doing.

[zombiedcattle-art]

a comic i made today

(click for higher quality)

[wakitaa]

Some time ago I made a post on Twitter, but I had forgotten to post it here and I think it is a very important topic that has not been touched enough and that generates conflicts between those who love the She-ra series and those who do not.

First of all, I must highlight the fact that many people talk about a toxic relationship in the series due to the repetitively toxic behavior of a very important character, I talk about the Catradora couple and the character of Catra respectively. And I know that many fans will immediately come to tell me that Catradora is far from being a toxic couple and that Catra at least had "reasons" to adopt such a manipulative, angry, vindictive and indolent personality. But, despite the fact that I am a fan of the series and of the couple, even though my favorite character in the series is by far Catra, I must agree with the people who accuse Catra of being an extremely toxic character during most of the seasons and that the Catradora couple is formed around that toxicity. It's true, and I can't deny the horrible actions and misbehavior of Catra's character in front of Adora and the other characters that accompanied her (Entrapta and Scorpia).

In this post I am not going to excuse Catra at all. However, there is a very important point of the character that I have seen that almost nobody has touched and that for me made the difference between hating Catra and making her my favorite character far from any other in another animated series that I have seen. And that point is that Catra has BPD.

What is BPD? Well, BPD stands for borderline personality disorder, and I quote, which is a disease characterized by difficulty in regulating emotions. This causes marked changes in mood, impulsivity and instability, self-image problems, and unstable interpersonal relationships. There may be frantic attempts to avoid situations of real or imagined abandonment. The combined result of living with borderline disorder can manifest itself in destructive behavior, such as self-harm or suicide attempts.

Sounds familiar doesn't it?

Unfortunately, I do not have a degree in psychology, but I have a firm reason to believe that Catra suffers from borderline, and that is that I have borderline.

Yes, and it has been a constant daily fight against a dangerous enemy, who is capable of harming those I love the most and breaking my strongest relationships, myself. Catra became a very powerful character for me, because she not only traced how terrible it can be for a person to have zero control over their emotions and the tremendous damage it can cause to those closest to them, but also the importance of redemption. and self forgiveness. I have not been the best girlfriend, daughter, sister and friend, because for years I had zero control over my unregulated emotions, which often led me to commit cruel, deprorable (almost unforgivable) acts towards others and my mental and physical integrity. I became what many would accuse as "toxic", and it was years of group and individual therapy to take control again and forgive myself for the things I did. To this day I seek to make amends for my mistakes and not destructively punish myself for what I did. Well, if there is something that the BDP does not do, it is to make you unaware of your actions. You know when you are hurting, you know when you are doing something that you are going to regret enormously, but the emotion is so uncontrolled that it only remains to see how you destroy everything you love. I will never excuse what I did under the argument of suffering BPD, I was and will always be the culprit of the things I did, but the important thing is not only to accept the blame, but to understand that after all, you can forgive yourself and do things well from now on, especially with the people you hurt the most.

And Catra went through the same thing, obviously summarized in a short period of time because, after all, it is an animated series and there is not much time to be able to work on all the details of a disorder and its rehabilitation, but she went through the same thing that I had. The triggering of the disorder, the constant emotional decline, the breakdown of relationships, toxic and destructive behavior, wrong decisions, self-sabotage, rage and uncontrollable anger, personal acceptance of the problem, the decline, the long process of improvement and finally, redemption .

Catra (for me) has BPD, I have BPD, and we will have it forever. And I understand that those who do not know this possible theory continue to believe that Catra is an extremely toxic and harmful character for Adora and her friends. But once you understand why Catra might be behaving like this, you can capture the essence of the character and begin to forgive her.

Personally, it seems to me that the character lacked more acts of redemption (and that is also why I am looking forward to another season or movie of She-ra, so that I can see her developing more with the other characters and talking about such serious issues, such as the Angella's death), but I could still appreciate Catra's effort to mend the damage she did to Adora and the princesses during their long period of anger and toxicity. And for me that is enough and I hope it continues like this.

I also leave the discussion open, and I understand that it might not be enough to convince everyone, but I wanted to say it because the character of Catra, like the Catradora couple, is something very important and related in my life, because it made me understand that there are times when one can become the villain in the lives of others, but one can change and start doing things right (obviously with psychological help).

And finally, loving the series, its characters and Catradora is not supporting or promoting toxicity (quite the contrary).

Thanks for reading <3 Love u all.

source

[moneypedia]

How to Defend Against False Accusations: A Personal Defense and 5 Guidelines to Protect The Truth

August 5, 2018 By Drew Shepherd

[Note: This post contains details about an undiagnosed case of borderline personality disorder (BPD). These details are included for informational purposes only, not to spread hate towards people with the illness.

If you or a loved one have been diagnosed with BPD, however, you may want to avoid this article.]

Guilty until proven innocent.

That’s the new norm these days.

Our current social climate has made it empowering to be a victim. And any abusers left standing must be exterminated—whether they’re guilty or not.

Please don’t think I’m downplaying the experience of actual victims though.

I know what it’s like to be among the lowest of society, and the struggle of real victims is part of the inspiration behind this site.

But the inconvenient truth is that all these “abusers” aren’t the monsters they’re made out to be.

Why do I say that you ask?

Because I’m one of them.

And this is my story.

The Accusation(s)

During my early twenties, I got involved with a girl who I later realized had borderline personality disorder (BPD).

I’ve already written about the experience and I’ve alluded to it multiple times since. So please read that article before this one if you haven’t already.

BPD is a serious mental illness, but most people have never heard of it, let alone know how to diagnose it.

If you’re not aware of how people with the disorder act, this post will come off as a rant against an innocent girl who liked me—which couldn’t be further from the truth.

But to summarize, the most notable symptom of BPD is the inability to regulate emotions. It’s a symptom so powerful that a sufferer’s feelings can define his or her reality. And this is what leads to many false accusations.

Manipulation, emotional abuse, cheating, promiscuity—she publicly accused me of all them.

It’s part of the process of “painting someone black.” The BPD person goes through cycles of both extreme love and hate for their loved one, but once the relationship ends, the other party is permanently devalued.

Of course this treatment is reserved for those in close relationships with the BPD sufferer. Outsiders will only see a victim pleading her case.

I’ve stayed quiet on these accusations so far since most of them don’t have any substance, but I unfortunately made one mistake that appears to give her claims some validity.

So I’m sure that she already has, or eventually will use this evidence against me. And if her false accusations were to gain traction, they would not only destroy my reputation, but also the legitimacy of the message I present on this site.

The latter is my primary reason for defense.

I’ve always said that the Bible is the basis for my moral judgment, and that couldn’t be more important than in sexual matters.

Now do I always control my lustful impulses and thoughts?

And do I always prevent myself from viewing images I shouldn’t see?

No.

I’m a Christian but I’m still a sinful human being. Controlling lust is part of the lifelong battle against sin in the Christian life.

But when it comes to things like fornication and adultery, I’ve held true to my stance on abstinence.

And as tough as it is to be a twenty-something with this stance in our sex-saturated world, it’s beyond frustrating to be accused of doing the complete opposite.

I’m an ambassador for what I believe. And I can’t allow anything on this site—faith-related or not—to be diminished because of one person’s claims.

So I’ll go into detail here about what really happened, and then I’ll show you how to defend against false accusations once and for all.

Drew “The Player”

I’ll preface my story with a little background information.

I was going into my last semester in college, and it had been about a year since I saw my accuser in person.

Things didn’t end well between me and her the last time we were “together.” But I was admittedly still interested in her—even with all the red flags.

It appeared that both of us were sad with the way the first go ‘round ended. So I foolishly tried to work something out with her before the semester started.

To my surprise, I was ignored and indirectly shot down.

How a normal girl would’ve reacted

It hurt pretty bad after putting myself out there for someone I thought still cared. But rejection is a part of life, so I moved on.

What’s crazy though, is that she changed her mind at some point afterwards. And even though I never got a direct response from her, she apparently assumed we were in a quasi-relationship.

Now fast forward to February.

It was the week of Valentine’s Day. And while I did still think of her, I wasn’t sending a Valentine’s Day anything to a girl who I didn’t trust, who now lived in a different state, and who couldn’t even respond to my direct communication.

The only reason I entertained the thought of us getting back together—if we were ever truly together in the first place—was because she hoovered me back in.

Hoovering is a term that describes actions similar to what its namesake, the Hoover vacuum does.

It’s a tactic people with personality disorders subconsciously use to suck loved ones back in after a failed relationship.

In this case, she used one of the social media apps we both had to convince me that she was open to a renewed relationship, and that she had changed for the better.

But at this point, I was just focused on schoolwork because I had no clue what this girl was thinking.

I had a senior project for an external company that took most of my time that semester.

My project group and I met just about every weekday. And at the time, we were all trying to meet a deadline coming up the next week.

The day after Valentine’s Day, one of my teammates mentioned that we should go play trivia at a local bar. But being the introverted party-pooper I am, I declined.

My schedule involved waking at around 5:30 each day. My teammates were always out too late for my liking, and I knew I’d never make it back in time to get enough sleep if I went.

So I gave the whole, “Thanks, but no thanks” spiel even though I knew they wouldn’t let me off that easy.

Our team was a pretty tight group—especially for four people who were assigned to each other at random.

We had a ton of inside jokes by the end of the semester. And they were the first to tease me at graduation because my honor stole nearly fell as I walked across the stage.

So naturally, they all had a good laugh at me for not wanting to miss my bedtime.

Of course it was all playful fun though. I did get back at them numerous times over the semester, but I’ll admit that I have an off-kilter personality that lends itself to being teased.

So anyway, we went our separate ways and I headed to bed.

The next day, I saw an email from the night before saying that I was invited to a school-specific social app. I didn’t see the email until the early morning though because I went to bed early.

I had never heard of the app before and I was skeptical. So my first thought after waking and reading the email was, “What the heck is (app name here)?”

My second thought was, “Who’s the funny guy who sent this?”

Now I knew it was someone who previously had my email address.

Of course any student could have pulled that info from the school’s directory, but I doubt anyone would have gone through the trouble of searching their class roster, finding me, and then using my email address for the sake of hitting me up on an app.

So it had to be someone with whom I worked with closely or had a personal relationship with.

With these facts in mind, I falsely concluded that it was a prank from my teammate that the rest of the group was in on.

They had just gone out together the night before. And they always found a way to mess with me—even when I wasn’t around.

So just like any other time I felt I was being pranked, manipulated, or taken advantage of, I played along with the hope that the other party wouldn’t realize until it was too late (and this has been my M.O. since I was a kid).

But doing this, in hindsight, was a terrible idea.

Any form of participation on what I later realized was a hookup app would paint me in a bad light. And the consequences of my actions weren’t as clear at 5:30 in the morning.

After I made a quick profile—complete with pictures no man would ever use if he was truly seeking casual sex—I waited about 15 minutes for a response that never came.

Then after realizing how bad my actions could appear without context, I quickly deleted the app and went on with my day.

I’m not sure if I completely wiped the profile I created. But since the app was lesser-known and low key about its hookup aspect—it’s not like I signed on to Tinder—I figured this wouldn’t be a problem.

Outside of my own actions with the invite and the app though, I don’t know anything else. But there’s a chance that a troll profile made 10 minutes after I woke could end up biting me. And that’s why I’ve chosen to address it.

Now, I’m almost certain this invite was from my accuser. And I still kick myself for not recognizing the true source of the bait.

My actions gave her the apparent confirmation that I was “playing the field.” And within the week, she either started, or just made it obvious that she was sleeping with another guy to spite me—a wild and disproportionate response to the thought that your S.O. may be seeing someone else.

So once I confirmed that this actually happened, I ghosted her and all her drama, focused on my schoolwork (which led to my first 4.0), and then went along with my life.

People with BPD are notorious for doing stuff like this. It’s the reason why a popular book covering the illness is called Stop Walking On Eggshells (affiliate link):

They’ll cry about a lack of communication but then ignore you when you reach out to them.

They’ll go on about how lonely they are while sleeping with one of their (or even your) “friends” behind your back.

They’ll say you’re too stupid to complete a task but discredit you when you do it, and then raise the bar higher so you won’t reach the new mark.

After a while you won’t know what to do because she’ll never be satisfied. And everyone else will chalk it up to you not knowing how to treat a woman.

No-win situations and constant testing are common to those in relationships with these people—especially in regards to anything sexual. So I presume the invite was a test to see if I was some dirtbag who would cheat on his partner.

Now I’d hesitate to call it cheating either way since she ignored my attempts to directly communicate, and I had no idea what our relationship status was.

But the other “fact” she gathered was that I was a player who enjoyed casual sex (an assumption that would have driven a younger me mad with laughter).

Look, I understand that I don’t have a squeaky-clean Christian boy appearance—going through trials doesn’t purify the outside after all.

But that doesn’t mean I partake in the same activities those who look like me may be into. And it for sure doesn’t mean that my moral character is anything different than what I present on this site.

Of course it doesn’t help that I’m black either…but I won’t go down that road.

I should also note that I don’t have a personal Facebook or Instagram account. So it’s tough for others to know much about my life unless they read this site or talk to me or my loved ones personally.

This blank space makes me an easy target for accusations since I can be unknowingly attacked through mediums where I can’t defend myself. And there are no videos of me playing with my dog to fill the holes left by my “shady” lifestyle.

Usually this isn’t a problem as most of the people I meet don’t care about my online presence. But of course there’s always one person who assumes the worst case scenario. And it’s sad that in my case, this person was someone I genuinely liked before.

These obsessive behaviors were nothing new though:

This same girl cried sobbed in the middle of one of our classes—when we were both in our twenties mind you—because I didn’t initially return her interest.

She would go from spaced-out to depressed and then stare at me like it was my fault.

She even accused me of cheating after seeing a pic my mom took of me when I was at dinner with my family.

So you can imagine the relief I felt when I closed the door on that for good.

At this point, the only ones who still believe her lies—or to be fair to the illness she has, her reality—are people I’ve never met.

But I’m not even mad anymore. I’m just annoyed that my life is still negatively affected because I fell for the wrong girl.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the honest truth.

How to Craft Your Defense

So now that my story’s out of the way, how do you fight your own false accusations?

It’s not too difficult.

Just follow these 5 guidelines to protect yourself in both the present, and the future:

1) Remember the Alibi

As tempting as it is to piece together a story that makes you look like a saint, you have to ensure the truth you present is actually…well, true.

Since I couldn’t remember all this off the top of my head, I dug through my old emails and group conversations to get the timeline right. And I could always use them again if legal action was involved.

It also helps that I have an archive of posts here that clearly present my personality and the mistakes I’ve made.

You can even compare this post to the one I wrote on BPD earlier and you’ll see numerous similarities. If anyone thought I was lying, they could search the other 40+ posts here too to see that the story adds up.

But if you don’t have thousands of words as supporting evidence, just take your time, breathe, and write down what happened as best as you remember.

False accusations can cloud your memory when you first hear them, and your emotions will push for a raw defense. But if you start writing what you remember, you can put that passion to good use now, and update your writing later with more facts.

A story set in writing will be a great resource to have. You don’t want to lean on your memory or your speech when the pressure’s on.

If you write down what happened, you’ll also find other bits of evidence you’ll need to prepare your defense. And if your audience is really concerned with the truth, they’ll take all the info they can get.

2) Compare the Fruit

Perhaps the easiest way to expose the shakiness of false accusations is to note the shakiness of the accuser’s lifestyle.

This is by far my least favorite technique though since it appears to be an attack on character instead of the accusation itself. But understand that those two targets aren’t mutually exclusive.

A person who usually acts one way is almost certain to do it again.

And no, that fact isn’t judgmental. It’s simple probability.

This is going to sound like I’m bragging about my accomplishments and attacking her character, but let’s compare some notable points about my life and my accuser’s:

I improved to at least a 3.5 GPA in my last four college semesters within a STEM major. But I’ll admit my accuser was booksmart, so we’re pretty much even there.

I have never gotten blacked-out drunk (or even consumed alcohol). I have never taken an illegal substance. And I have never lived a promiscuous lifestyle. My accuser has done, and probably still does, all three.

I landed a stable job in my field more than a month before I graduated, and I’m still employed there today. My accuser barely held a job as a bar server about a year after graduating with the same degree.

Again, I don’t like expressing my achievements, and I never want to attack anyone’s character. We all make mistakes, and I made one of the biggest mistakes any student ever will (which she contributed to by the way).

But when someone’s lifestyle displays a clear pattern of incompetence, recklessness, and mental instability, the validity of their claims also takes a hit.

And that’s without mentioning that I’ve written the equivalent of a book here at HFE—a site where I cover my own shortcomings just as much, if not more than my accomplishments—on my own time and dollar because I believe it will help others.

So knowing all this, let me ask you, who do you think is telling the truth?

A tree’s fruit always gives it away.

Know who you are and know who you’re dealing with so any other lies are dismissed as the jokes they are.

3) Change “I” to “We”

The most unfortunate thing about false accusations is that no one’s waiting to hear a verdict.

As soon as those words leave your accuser’s mouth, you will be facing much more than one person.

Friends, family, social circles, even whole communities may turn against you.

And what began as a defense against one liar becomes a battle against an entire army.

So what do you do when this multitude of warriors stands against you?

It’s simple.

You gather the troops.

Find people who can vouch for your story. Get help from friends who aren’t blinded by the lies. Ask people who were neutral bystanders to explain what happened since they’re not biased.

I know I can get anyone from former classmates, friends, and family members to acknowledge the truth of my claims.

And since I know the mental issues my accuser deals with, I can also refer to a psychologist or another mental health resource.

An understanding of my accuser’s mind is one of the best counters to her claims. Yes, she acts in unstable ways, but they’re predictably unstable, and numerous people have experience with the problem I have now.

You shouldn’t be afraid to get professional help either.

Lawyer up if it’s serious enough.

Slander and libel are legit crimes. And if you can prove that your life is heavily impacted, especially financially, you may have a case.

So don’t go at this alone. You can bet your accuser isn’t.

4) Go One and Done

The biggest mistake people make when presenting any argument, defense, or reasoning is that they over-explain themselves.

Sure, you want to be as thorough as possible in your explanation, and you should reference points of that original argument to answer questions. But there’s no need to add to your stance or sate a mind that will never believe you.

If you’ve taken the necessary steps to present and defend the truth, you have to live with the results.

Learn to be comfortable with the fact that everyone won’t like, listen to, or believe you. Because the more you add to your original defense, the weaker it will appear.

You’ll also introduce more room for error. And it would be a shame for a memory lapse to cause an otherwise solid defense to fail.

Remember that it’s only your job to present the truth. Not to make others believe it.

I’m confident that my defense removes any ammo my accuser has left. So now the only claims she can bring against me are accusations of neglect—which don’t matter since I’m not her parent—or causing hurt feelings—which isn’t a crime in America yet.

I presented the truth one time, and now there’s no need to address her claims again.

Every accusation doesn’t deserve a response. So stay true to what really happened, and let people think what they want afterwards.

5) Don’t Even Fake It

These accusations have made me realize the importance of the Bible’s command to, “Abstain from all appearance of evil.” (1 Thessalonians 5:22 KJV)

It’s not enough to just avoid evil acts. You have to avoid situations where you could possibly do them too.

For instance, plenty articles on false accusations describe how to protect yourself against false rape claims. But if someone can accuse you of something like rape without an obvious fabrication, you are in over your head.

You can’t reach the point where a verdict is decided by a “yes” or “no.”

It’s one of the many reasons you shouldn’t sleep around in the first place. You are putting your life in the hands of someone who could easily change their mind in the morning. And you have to stay out of that gray area.

Remember to guard your character at all times. You never know when you’ll need to fall back on your integrity.

For example, I remember one conversation I had with a friend a few years back, and my accuser happened to be in the room.

My friend noticed that I received a few glances of interest from girls. So out of the blue he asked, “Drew, how many girls do you get?”

He chuckled while asking the question, so of course it wasn’t anything serious. He didn’t ask about anything explicitly sexual either.

So being the joker I am, I said something along the lines of, “I don’t know. I lost count.”

Then the both of us laughed it off.

But there’s a chance my accuser heard those words and immediately assumed the worst.

It would have been ridiculous to say something like:

“I’m sorry sir, but I am a Bible-believing man of God who has accepted the challenge to live righteously. How dare you imply that I live such a heinous lifestyle?!”

So I had a quick laugh and moved off the subject.

But even this could have added to her claims. So now I try not to even joke about stuff like that—at least not when I’m around people who barely know me.

You should do the same. But don’t limit your efforts to watching your tongue:

Always dress in a respectable manner.

Avoid the crazy nighttime venues—they’re magnets for people like my accuser.

And please don’t go to a hotel room belonging to a member of the opposite sex.

Presentation always matters.

Avoid the appearance of evil, and it’ll be impossible to even accuse you.

Grant Me That Chance

I’ve had enough headaches from my past relationship, and I’d rather not think about it anymore.

But it was important to defend myself here before any other false info leaked.

I hope none of it came across as too aggressive though. I wrote all of this to clear my name, not to get revenge.

From all I’ve seen, read, and now experienced, real victims don’t go out of their way to destroy their abuser’s life. They just want justice and a chance to finally move on.

So if anything else comes up about this, please remember this point and grant me that chance.

Contrary to what some people think, I don’t hate my accuser, and I hope she’s able to turn her life around.

If there was a normal version of her who didn’t have what she had, I’d love to meet her. But the ship has sailed on anything between me and the real her.

All I want now is peace and the freedom to live a good life. And I’m sure that’s all you want too.

So remember who you are, take a stand for the truth, and then defend it with your life.

And who knows? Someone else may come to your defense if you do.

-Drew

[bourbonstreetdevil]

More Headcanon Ramblings

If you don’t like mental illness headcanons or in-depth talk about mental illnesses then there’s no need to read further. It’s all gucci, go about your business my lovelies!

DISCLAIMER: I’m not a professional in any way. I just have a special interest in the brain and its many quirks and afflictions. I tend to see these things in characters I see or play. Remy, Kurt, Cole, Tim, and Klaus especially. But right now I’m gonna talk about Remy! Since. This is a Gambit blog lmao.

So without further ado: here are some disabilities I think fit Remy pretty damn well. Ones that have Pretty Much Canon Evidence will be normal. Anything that’s purely my headcanon will have (HC) before it.

-

PTSD! This one is probably the more obvious one. I think most X-Men who’ve seen battle have it at this point, with all the fucked up things they’ve seen. Remy has likely had it since he was little. Canonically one of his earliest memories is being cuffed to a fucking patio fence while the Guild strapped up a gator to see if he could slip the cuffs in time. He was two years old. Well if that’s not traumatizing I don’t know what is.

(HC) Katrina. In my Remy’s canon, he was around 13 which is when most mutant powers kick in. Especially due to, you guessed it: Stress! I’d say being pinned down in a flooding building counts as stressful! He blew up the rubble and almost died. That’s definitely a ticked box on the Trauma Checklist.

Let’s see... What else...

The life in the Thieve’s guild couldn’t have been easy, especially trying so hard to impress the guild and his ‘adopted’ father. He had to grow up fucking fast if he wanted to live.

Killing a man at 18 after just getting married.

Getting A Fucking Lobotomy! (Side note his head was shaved for that which I think is a fucking crime)

Learning that all this work was to lead a group of murderers to an innocent group of Morelocks!

Getting Fucking Gutted By Sabertooth!

Misc. traumas from living on the run/getting into fights/Belladonna’s death

Most of his ventures with the X-Men!

MYSTIQUE, who regularly manipulated his issues with self-worth and self-loathing!

Apocalypse/Getting turned into the Horseman of Death, which canonically HURT SO MUCH HE HAD TO BE STRAPPED DOWN.

Numerous kidnappings/torture sessions by various villains!

BEING ACTUALLY BLINDED FOR SOME TIME.

Probably more from comics I haven’t read yet!

-

Depression. Self-loathing, self-worth issues, and self-harm specifically. It’s no secret that Remy LeBeau has had one hell of a fucked up life. Abandoned at birth over his mutated eyes, stolen into a family of thieves, basically used as a tool all his life. He’s been used and subconsciously trained to think he’s only worth something if he’s useful. Thus self-worth issues.

(HC) He had no outlet for his self-loathing, but he did have a neat power to charge shit with kinetic energy. Vibrational kinetic energy is, well, vibrational. He holds something and focuses, and it vibrates. He could manipulate an object to vibrate so much that it would heat up. Easy way to cause burns. Easy way to self-harm without being noticed. If people asked why he had burns, he could say he was trying to practice and the thing blew up. Nobody actually cared enough to ask, which made it worse. This is why my Remy has no feeling in his palms! He’s burned all the nerve endings out, whoops!

He outran his use to the Guild when he killed Belladonna’s brother, even in self-defense. The point of the marriage was to settle a feud between the two guilds, to bond them. While they still held the truce despite Remy killing the man, he was exiled from New Orleans. Abandoned for a second time in his life, by someone who likely convinced him he “Should be thankful he was taken in by the Guild.” and how Jean Luc “Stuck his neck out for him.” (Let’s remember I’m pretty sure he was 18 when they were married.)

Plus they abandoned him at a crucial part of his life: His powers starting to get too powerful for him to handle. This drives him to seek help. Unfortunately for him, that lands him with the Marauders. He almost dies trying to save the Morelocks after figuring out what the Marauders had been up to, but he pretty much fails. That’s a huge part of his life that he hates.

Right off the bat with the X-Men, he’s mostly tolerated instead of accepted. Nobody trusts him, so he gets bitter and self-isolates. That just kinda goes downhill from there.

-

Here’s the weirder one of mine... Borderline Personality Disorder! Remy shows pretty much all the symptoms of BPD which are as follows, at least from all I’ve seen. I’ll bold the ones that apply, and summarize some examples.

Fear of abandonment.  Already gone over this one.

Unstable relationships. *Will Smith meme at his numerous flings and escapades and also ROGUE.*

Unclear or shifting self-image.  At the beginning of the 2012 Gambit miniseries, he mentions he doesn’t feel like himself anymore. He has a lot of issues with it throughout the series. I’ve seen it in other comics too but he has a lot of trouble being torn between X-Men, the Thieve’s Guild, and his past with the Marauders.

Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors.  Thievery, reckless and numerous sexual encounters, pretty much no regard for his own health in battle, alcohol.

Self-harm.  Already went over this, still pure headcanon.

Extreme emotional swings.  He’s seen getting regularly frustrated with people, even those he loves. Especially with people that he finds annoying. Then other times he’ll be extremely apologetic or upset for almost no reason. The smallest thing can trigger it, like being called a thief too many times or being rejected by someone he cares about.

Chronic feelings of emptiness.  I’m not sure how to explain this one. It just shows, to me. Maybe the same instance as the shifting self-image.

Explosive anger. (haha get it) He’s actually really good at keeping his anger in check unless it has to do with people he cares about.

Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality.  He’s really fucking paranoid. He’s paranoid that people will leave him or won’t trust him with anything. He’s suspicious of anyone new, wondering when they’ll leave him, etc.

Thanks for coming to the TED Talk no one asked for.

[empathmionworld-blog]

So I did a project about BPD

Had to write an essay in APA format about Borderline Personality Disorder. Honestly I'm disappointed in the lack of studies and research that I have come across. At least the ones that Google Scholar and the medical journals in my library had to offer me. I dont know whether or not I was looking in the right places, but even when you simply Google "Borderline Personality Disorder" it's a repetition of the same information. The most I have learned about BPD was on tumblr and in my therapists office. Can I cite any of that? No. So I had to use the little bit of resources that were given to me and again It was disappointing.

I had warned my Prof. ahead of time that it was going to be difficult to find resources. At the end of the day I think my project turned out pretty good given my circumstances. It was a 3-5 paged essay( not including title and resources of course. Duh).

These were the topics I needed to discuss and I have narrowed down my findings in case anyone is interested. I'm sure these are things that people with BPD already know (hence the reason why I'm dissatisfied.) I feel like this project was too easy. As if it was a test to see if we were stupid or not. It was really hard to mess this project up because he was asking for the BARE MINIMUM.

Introduction

Name of condition and what it is

Symptoms

Affected population

(For some reason) Symptoms (again)

Diagnosis

Prognosis

Treatment

My conclusion and resources (he didnt ask for tables and graphs)

So I'm going to narrow it down for you I'm reading this off my project and typing it down on my phone and maybe I'll edit this later on my laptop so I can copy and paste my sources. I'm going to narrow it down as best as I can because there is a lot.

Bpd is a cluster B personality disorder which is known to cause a distorted self-image, feelings of emptiness, impulsive behaviors, frequent mood swings, black and white thinking, and the inability to have stable healthy relationships.

Environmental and genetic factors are known to cause the development in those affected with bpd. Most of those with bpd were either raised by someone who has bpd or have had a history of abuse, (sexual, physical, mental, emotional) neglect, or have had traumatic incidents in the past. Some of those diagnosed with PTSD develop BPD as a coping mechanism to cope with the trauma. Women make up 75% of those diagnosed with BPD. Men make up 25%. It is possible that the percentage rate for men is higher because men tend to not seek treatment when they show signs of mental illness. Mainly because society deemed men to be more "practical" than emotional. Psychologists refuse to diagnose adolescents with BPD and it develops in your adolescence and early adulthood. Bpd is commonly misdiagnosed as either PTSD or depression. You need a psych evaluation to be diagnosed and they look for these symptoms: fear of abandonment, unstable or changing relationships, struggle with identity, impulsive or reckless behavior, mood swings, feelings of emptiness/worthlessness, extreme sadness, anger issues, paranoia, inability to stay in touch with reality, self harm and suicidal tendencies. Condition is lifelong but can be managed with extensive therapy and is known to "burn out" by your late 30's. The individual must be committed to treatment and shouldn't be looking for a quick fix. Treatment includes mood stabilizers, antidepressants and other various medications depending on what the individual is doing through such as anxiety meds for those with anxiety as an example. Helpful forms of treatment include DBT, MBT, out patient therapy and self care.

That is about as summarized as I can possibly get. No, I didnt write my project like this. I wouldn't be surprised If I got an 43% on it if I did it like this. I wrote this because I'm bored and its 8 am and I was hoping others would be interested. I wrote in my introduction that I wanted to shed a little light on this topic to those who dont fully understand this disorder. Not for those on tumblr but for the everyday people that tend to not understand us (or those with BPD).

Tomorrow( exclusively for tumblr) I will be debunking the most common misconceptions about BPD based on facts. I will try to research some beneficial things about BPD If there are any.

I'm clearly interested about BPD. If you want me to research something on BPD just let me know. I will do my best with the resources I am offered and I will even talk to my psychologist who will be more than happy to help. I'm new to this whole blogging thing. Thank you for reading.

[discovering-ellie]

July 8, 2021 - Post Two

I'm in between appointments right now, so let's see if I can bang out this Kate Winslet thing that I've been trying to sort through since I first brought it up a day or two ago.

This might be rushed and a little chaotic but, hey, it iiiiiiis what it iiiiiiiiiis.

Let's start with Rose. Okay, yeah? Rose. Let's get the obvious out of the way. When I first saw Titanic a week or so after turning 13, I saw it because of my already life-long obsession with the ship. I was hyped to see it in its near full-scale glory. I was hyped to see the recreations that James Cameron had made down to the most minute details possible. What I -wasn't- going for were the actors or the story. I didn't give a shit about Leo, to be honest. I wanted to see my ship. Sure, I saw my ship and all of the love and care that went into bringing her back from the bottom of the ocean, but I also discovered Kate Winslet. This feels so weird to say but, for the first time, I saw someone who looked like me in a lead romantic role where she was desired, found attractive, and wanted. Up until that point, most leading ladies I had seen had been blonde, with maybe a few brunettes sprinkled in. I never saw -me-. As the lone redhead in what, really, is a shithole of a former mining town, this was huge. I saw what I -could- be, if only I could get out of my hometown.

She's more important to me than that, to be honest. aside from the surface traits, there's also her story. In the original script, James Cameron went way deeper into her psyche and her struggle with her own mental health. She is depicted completely destroying her vanity in one scene while, in another (the very first dinner scene where the camera zooms in on her while she's dissociating), she is shown digging a crab fork into her arm underneath the table. The rest of the movie as-is is riddled with examples of her crumbling mental health from herself ("It feels as if I'm in the middle of a crowded room screaming at the top of my lungs and no one even looks up;" "I felt like I was standing at the edge of a great precipice with no one to pull me back. Nobody who cared, or even noticed.") as well as Jack ("they've got you trapped here, Rose, and you're going to die if you don't get out") and each example began to speak to me throughout the course of time. I wasn't some soon-to-be-destitute heiress from Edwardian Philadelphia, but I saw a lot of my own struggles within hers. She gave me something to latch onto and, in a way, was the beginning in my journey to find myself.

Next, we're going to backtrack a couple of years to Juliet Hulme from Heavenly Creatures. Those of you true crime buffs might already know exactly who Juliet Hulme is, but I'll briefly summarize Heavenly Creatures anyway. Heavenly Creatures was a movie that came out in 1994 that Peter Jackson directed starring Kate Winslet and Melanie Lynskey as Juliet Hulme and Pauline Parker about their friendship/relationship in 1954 New Zealand, culminating in the murder of Pauline's mother when Juliet's parents were going to send her away. This is a very real, very weird murder case that is worth either reading up on or watching Stephanie Harlowe's YouTube video about. Seriously, the case is WILD.

Anyway, as a character, Juliet is neglected by both of her parents (in early childhood, she was left in a hospital due to illness, during the events of the movie they state that they're going away and leaving her behind, she contracts TB and gets left behind again in another hospital and, finally, her parents tell her that they're divorcing and they're leaving her with a relative in South Africa) and bonds quickly and intensely with Pauline to the point where they create their own little world with one another. During Juliet's hospitalization, Pauline begins a relationship with a lodger from her parents' boarding house and Juliet's jealousy and anguish over feeling forgotten reaches a boiling point. It's at this point where Juliet's parents decide to separate the girls and, to make an already long story shorter, that's what brings Pauline and Juliet to murder Pauline's mom via a large rock in a stocking.

Now, while I don't plan on doing -any- of those things, I identify with the lonely feelings of feeling replaced or forgotten. It's easy to feel like a disposable person when even your own parents treat you as such.

I'm going to close with Clementine Kruczynski from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind because, aside from being the most recent example, she's my favorite. Clem , on the surface, reads as this bright and vibrant extrovert. However, as the movie goes on (or back, depending on how you look at it), you see that she's impulsive and sometimes cold and so, so, SO very unsure of herself. She speaks about her own insecurities in such a way that it felt like they were coming out of my own mind. Now, while I didn't have an ugly doll that I named after myself just so I could yell "Why can't you be pretty?!?" at, I still know those feelings all too well. Many, many times as a child, I would look at myself and wonder why I couldn't look, act, or be just like everyone else. I wanted to belong, I wanted to be accepted. Instead, I was just ugly and dull.

When it comes to impulsively deleting Joel from her memory, all I can say is that I'm more than guilty of blocking, deleting, and moving on. At this point, you'd find almost no trace of some of the people I've ejected from my life -- almost as if they never existed at all.

could continue on and on about the things in Clem that I see in me, but that would take almost as long as this post already is. Though, now looking at a brief analysis of the character, maybe I -should- be taking a harder look at myself: "With her impulsiveness, emotional intensity (extreme mood changes), alcohol dependence, turbulent relationships, reckless behavior, and hasty idealization or devaluation of Joel, Clementine seems to exhibit traits of borderline personality disorder, although it is not clear whether Kaufman wrote her character with this specific diagnosis in mind."

Okay, yeah.... I definitely should not have looked further into that just now. Note to self: don't Google BPD anymore. Thanks.

[gynandromorph]

Do you have any recommended resources for learning about DID and similar disorders, I don't know much about them but your recent postings have me googling and I'm kind of like "fuck this might be me"i am not sure how accurate some of these sources are though

idk i don’t really have any resources cuz i’ve been averse to interacting publicly with the concepts for a long time for various reasons. i have various friends and a wife with did which helps a lot more than impersonal resources.did-research.org is good in some places, bad in others, same for this-is-not-dissociative, which are the 2 sites i was recommended

i’ll try to summarize.DID is a disorder caused by severe ongoing trauma during one’s formative years (usually, before the age of ~7). it cannot be caused by things later in life, like, as an example, an abusive relationship. its hallmark is memory gaps due to repression and compartmentalization manifested so intensely they’ve become separate personalities and lives in one brain. if you don’t have gaps of time lost where you’re told you were acting normal or at least consciously, you do not have DIDnext is OSDD; this is DID without the amnesia or without fully formed different personalities who do not share a memory pool. it used to be called DDNOS with various subtypes.both of these disorders are dissociation disorders. there are different kinds of dissociation, and there are dissociation disorders which are not much like DID or OSDD, in the sense that the identity is not fragmented, like depersonalization disorder.contrary to its name, DPD’s hallmark is a type of dissociation called derealization, where things don’t feel real. things feel like a dream a lot and you are likely to not remember them, like a dream. DID/OSDD rely on a different type of dissociation called depersonalization, where things don’t feel like YOU. you may or may not remember things. note that DPD can also have depersonalization symptoms (in the sense that it feels like you’re watching yourself do something rather than doing it), and DID can have derealization symptoms.now i have to mention something very important about BPD here, because it has a symptom called personality shifting which can look very similar to OSDD. some people with BPD who experience intense personality shifts refer to themselves as median systems, which is a contentious topic that i’m not going to touch with my own opinion. the difference between a bpd personality shift and an osdd personality switch is mainly based on how a sense of self is defined; your core values, what’s right and wrong, your motivations, etc. for BPD, a personality shift is a certain brand of dissociation which usually involves emotional detachment. you may do things you wouldn’t think you’re capable of, which may feel like “not really you”, but the sense of identity (core values, motivations, etc) do not change. one way i’ve had the difference between BPD and OSDD shifts described is BPD is more like forgetting any emotion besides what you’re feeling right now ever existed until it’s over. OSDD and DID usually feature not recognizing your own name, which is notably not a thing with BPD. 

that’s about all i got, weirdly you are not the only person who felt this way once i started openly developing felix so i hope it’s helpful