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pendragonsclotpole · 7 months

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I need to preface this post with the fact that I’ve been aware of Supernatural for as long as I’ve known what the terms fanfiction and fandom mean. It’s one of those pop culture moments that’s existed on the periphery of my mind as something really beloved and bemoaned about by people on the internet, but it’s never been something I really cared about outside of some iconic memes.

For the past four days, I’ve been watching Supernatural non-stop in my free time. I think I sat through eight episodes straight on one of those days, and I just have to say, the show is phenomenal.

I don’t know where to start, I could make a dozen of these posts about various points throughout the first two seasons and it still wouldn’t be enough. I’ve now taken a break at episode one of season three, because now that it’s a weekday I have work and can’t dedicate the time I could on the weekend.

First, Jared Padalecki’s acting is so beautiful and poignant and emotional. He really makes Sam Winchester into the bleeding heart of the whole show, and the entire time he’s on screen I worry about Sam. His portrayal of Sam’s heartbreak and desperation at Dean’s impending death after the car crash, as well as Sam’s horror at the reveal of what John told Dean before dying held a tragic desperation and denial that really embodied what the character represented in the first two seasons. Even as a hunter and with his special abilities, Sam felt like a quasi self-insert for the audience. I don’t mean that in a bad or overly tropey way, but in the way that he felt robbed of a proper childhood in favor of his father’s crusade. Sam is the angry, indignant younger sibling who never bore the brunt of responsibility like the older sibling did and it shows. In some ways, it makes him more entitled—I don’t mean that Sam does not have the right to be angry with John Winchester. He does. Fuck John Winchester. I mean entitled in the unintentional, coincidental way that your little brother or sister always demands the things you never had or rebels against the authority of the parent without ever dealing with the consequences you did as the older sibling. It reveals the veneer of freedom he had and the protection he received by virtue of his place in the Winchester Family. For me, it made him unbearably real, and this feeling of realness was made worse by the genuine naivety and innocence he keeps even as he continually gets screwed over by the demons. There’s a steadfast belief in the goodness of others within Sam that often conflicts with the sense of goodness he believes he lacks.

Sam trusts so easily, but he understands people in ways that should be antithetical to his upbringing. It took me forever to reconcile why he seemed so familiar, until I realized that Sam Winchester, for all that he was one of John Winchester’s son, had received the unconditional love of an older sibling for his entire childhood.

I don’t mean the perfect, kind, healthy love that often exists between fictional siblings. Too often I’ve watched media that makes me wonder how siblings like that even exist, or conversely, made me glad my siblings weren’t so fucked up.

I mean the kind of platonic love that exists between siblings living in the liminal space of love and hate thanks to the single fucked up connection that draws them back together continuously out of some sense of duty or commiseration or the need to be understood.

I mean the kind of love between siblings that would wither away when in a perfect world that does not stake their survival on their codependence of each other, but that in an imperfect and real world is equated to familiarity. Sam and Dean against the world—against John Winchester.

Out of all of the episodes I’ve watched in the last day and a half, perhaps the one that struck me most was episode 20, Season 2. What is and What Should Never Be. Not only was the title a bit of emotional whiplash—the juxtaposition of Should and Never lending a finality or a sense of wrongness that can’t be replicated by the words “Could Never—but we see Dean and Sam in a world where their one connection, hunting, has completely vanished and at a high cost to all the people they’ve saved, but mostly to Sam and Dean themselves. They’re connection as ride or die brothers is gone, replaced by an ostensibly better, healthier, more normal future liberated from the expectations of the rest of the world.

Without the death of Mary Winchester, Dean and Sam are no longer Dean and Sam. They’re just two people, connected by the two people that raised them, and likely to drift apart after that connection dies—frayed ends of a tapestry pulling apart and unraveling. Dean gains a mom and a normal life, but metaphorically loses a brother and a sense of purpose. Who is Dean Winchester if he’s not a hunter and Sam’s brother? And the sad thing is, neither of these are traits Dean ever chose. They are conditions foisted upon him, perhaps not intentionally, such as in the case of Sam, but ultimately placed on his soul until they tethered themselves to the very core of what being Dean Winchester is supposed to mean. The end of the episode, and Dean’s choice to return to the real world, regardless of Sam waking him up, is Dean fully giving up his dream in order to save Sam and be a hunter. The fallacy of the episode is in the choice Dean makes, which the more I think about it, feels less like a choice and more of an inevitability but one compounded by Dean’s readiness and willingness to go with it.

This is where I get to the crux of my surprise with these first early seasons of Supernatural: Dean Motherfucking Winchester.

I don’t know what I was expecting from early seasons of Supernatural, especially with the context of the later seasons. Maybe an overly cheesy, early 2000s ode to roadtrip Americana with a self-reverential take on the classic gun slinging frontiersman of the Wild West and bad supernatural CGI. Not to say it isn’t that (shout out to Sam’s comment on Dean’s particular brand of butch), but what surprised me was how real the connection between the characters was manifested on screen and how much good will the show built up in the audience. There came a point where I sided with Dean so much in the events of the show that I felt like I was riding shotgun in the impala. I saw it with every compliant “yes, sir” he gave to John, with every teasing comment he threw at Sam, and with every act of selflessness he exhibited by protecting other people. This isn’t to say that Dean is perfect. Sometimes he doesn’t take things seriously enough, or he’s willing to sacrifice people for some misguided greater good, or he’s obsessed with saving Sam even when he wouldn’t be if it were anyone else, but Dean has a conviction so many people lack. He has the capacity to love at a great cost to himself, either because he believes himself unworthy of being loved or because he’s not used to anything else.

Jensen Ackles does such a good job at this portrayal and with such a different technique than Jared Padalecki. Ackles embodies the desperate need for self-assuredness that Dean breathes, as well as the genuine fear he has of being seen. I love laughing with Dean as much as I love screaming at him for how stupid he’s being. If Sam is the self-insert, then Dean is the tragic hero, although that comparison feels like a poor facsimile for what Dean Winchester truly is because I don’t particularly feel an overwhelming sense of pity at his state or at his hinted downfall with that demon deal. If anything, I feel a sense of indignation mixed with understanding and frustration that Dean can’t catch a break but at the end of it all, is just how he prefers it.

It shouldn’t be a shock to admit that even without knowing what happens from seasons 3 to 15, I know how Supernatural ends. Just thinking about the ending makes me wonder if I should even continue it past season 5, but that’s a decision for another time.

For now, there’s something unbearably tragic in seeing Dean Winchester so close to a chance of a normal life and apple pie happiness (something he really seems to desire no matter how much he denies it) and then having to give it up, not just because it’s not real, but because he believes it should never be real.

Dean Winchester deserves better.

#supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #supernatural season 1 #supernatural season 2 #supernatural season 3 #dean winchester deserved better #dean winchester deserves better #sam and dean #jensen ackles #jared padalecki #character study

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imaginationlover101 · 2 years

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Early Morning

Dean Winchester x reader

Summary: After Sam woke Y/N, & Dean up early for an early morning, unfortunate events lead to a long morning.

The alarm clock and Sam's voice was all that could be heard when I woke up. I didn't even hear the birds chirping or the cars moving on the street, the only thing I heard was Sam.

The motel room was completely dark when I opened my eyes. I had slept on that couch that night needing some sleep of my own. The couch seemed more appealing for a night of sleep then Dean stealing the covers and kicking all night.

Leaning over the head of the couch I could barely see Dean waking up, Sam was hovered over next to him poking at his shoulder. Dean finally woke up, but not before pushing Sam leaving him to fall into his own bed.

Sam got off his bed and began to turn the lamp on near Dean's side. Deans eyes winced as he began to sit up and I could already see Dean looking at me from across the room. Dean sighed and pushed Sam's shoulders back pointing my way.

"Oh great job Sammy, see you woke Y/N up." Pushing the hair out of his eyes, Dean got up out of his bed and made his way towards me. Slowly walking over to the couch, Dean turns back to look at Sam opening the blinds.

"Dean you can't run away from me while I'm still trying to talk to you." Sam continues to clean up the motel room while Dean rolls his eyes.

Finally making his way towards the couch Dean sits down on the makeshift bed, laughing when it squeaked. Dean sat on off the couch again and repeated the same actions he did before leaving me to bounce with every sit. After awhile it started to become annoying and I wanted nothing more for him to stop.

"Dean stop your giving me a headache." Rolling over so that my face was smushed in the pillow, I put my hands over my ears.

"Oh, what's the matter sweetheart you got a headache?" Nodding towards him Dean leans back further onto the couch so that his back is fully against it. Turning the tv on Dean leaves on repeats of general hospital and begins to rub my back. Practically almost falling asleep again Dean interrupts my thoughts.

"Wait a minute, Sammy why'd you wake us up anyways?" Waiting for a response from Sam the bathroom door open. There was Sam already dressed and in his suit hanging up the phone with someone.

"I got us a new lead that's why. Remember that girl Cathy, and how her parents went missing off that bridge, well there's more to the story that gives in. Were supposed to meet with Cathy at-" Looking at his watch Sam turns and looks our way "-7:30."

Groaning to myself I wanted nothing more then to not go on this case. By the looks of it, it was already 6 o'clock and I needed at least a full hour to get ready. For some reasons I knew I was feeling off already. Waking up with a headache, moodiness, wanting to lie in bed, I knew that something was wrong.

Dean rolled over on the couch leaning into my side. Putting his head on my stomach, Dean starts to hide himself in my blankets. "7:30, Sam that wayy to early, why were you up that early talking to that girl anyways? Does my little brother have a crush?" Moving his eyes in a curious way, Dean looks at me then back to Sam.

Sam looks between both Dean and I, and begins to grab his stuff. "Come on guys, you get ready I'll get breakfast." Finally all agreeing on something we all start to get up. Sam finally leaves the motel room and the door slams.

"Ughhh fine Sam I'll getting ready." Dragging my bunny clad slippers across the tile floor, I made my way into the bathroom. I could already hear Dean laughing at me for the way I dragged my feet and carried the blanket with me to the bathroom.

Dean and I started to get ready together switching between the bathroom and bedroom. I started to apply my makeup on when the first cramp came my way making me drop my brush. Dean noticed, and came my way. "You sure your okay sweetheart?" Nodding I turn my head back to the mirror.

The motel room door opens and Sam comes in with two white bags. "Now listen they had 2 bagels, and 2 dounts so I got both of those and sandwiches." Looking at the time I couldnt even believe any place was open. I was still was in shock at how Sam got all 3 of us to wake up that early.

Sitting at the dining room table in the motel the three of us all eat our food. Sam had the sandwich, Dean eat half a bagel and muffins with a sandwich, while I finished Dean's other half of food. The boys and I continued to talk speaking about the case and any possible threats. Sam and Dean finished cleaning up our mess from last night while I finished getting ready.

Grabbing the high heels from my suitcase I knew it was too late. Bending down I could feel all the cramps going through my body. Taking a container of tylenol, heels, and my overnight bag to the bathroom I was complete. Leaving all of my stuff on the counter I knew I wasn't okay. The never stopping cramps and the headache that lingered was bothering me and I started to wondering if I could miss this one case.

Stepping out of the bathroom I turned to the boys. There they were both doing the total opposite of one another. Dean was lying on his bed partly falling asleep while Sam sat at the table reading . Sam looked at me and knew something was wrong.

"Y/N are you okay, you look kinda pale?" Joining Sam at the kitchen table I slump in my seat.

"Yeah, erhhh well no?" Huffing into my chair I brought my hands into my head towards the table. Sam scoots closer and begins to inspect my face.

"What happened?" Rubbing my arm Sam starts to close his laptop and look near the bathroom towards my makeup bag seeing all my items everywhere.

"That-" pointing to the tylenol bottle, I spoke again. "That happend Sam. That horrible, horrible thing that happens once a month, and I hate it. I just wanna go to bed." Whinning I began to take the bottle into my hands. Realizing I was acting like a baby I began to move away from Sam. Sam noticed and took the bottle out of my hands and held them instead.

"Y/N it's okay to feel that way, I'm sorry I woke you up I didnt know you were feeling good" Smiling I looked up at Sam, he always knew the right things to say.

"Its okay, I wanna go on the case but I dont feel good." My eyes started to tear and I began to take my heels off. I guess the dropping sounds of my shoes woke Dean up because the minute he dropped he leaned up straight.

"Whats happening! Since when do you guys talk so loud?" Dean sits up and straightens his coat before putting it on.

"Come on we got a case to solve Dean let's go." Sam motions for Dean to get up and walks towards me. Sam grabs the dount bag before placing it infront of my eyes.

"That's for you. Go lay down relax and eat dounts." Laughing I look at Sam and thank him moving towards the couch. Of course the minute I sat down the springs on the bed popped up.

"Wait a minute sunshine, why arent you coming with us?" Dean looks at Sam who gives me the blanket from the bed. Dean looks between the two of us with curiosity.

"She doesnt feel good Dean just leave it." Dean puts his hands up and walks in the bathroom to brush his teeth. I watch as Sam puts his shoes on and switches out his ids. Sam gets all of his things and asks me to tell Dean he was outside.

Muttering under his breathe Dean huffs "Where'd he go?" Pointing to the door Dean starts his line of curses at Sammy.

"Call me if you need me, ok?" Nodding Dean and I exchange goodbye while he walks out door. The last thing I heard was the door locking before I passed out of exustaion. In one way I felt bad letting the boys go alone, but I was doing them a favor they could use some bonding time.

I didnt know what time it was when I woke up all I could remember where the lingering cramps I felt and the presence of Sam and Dean.

"Dude shut up, shes sleeping." I could assume that it was Dean saying those words. I could hear Dean's footsteps coming closer to the couch because he shut the tv off. I knew it was Dean's footsteps coming closer because of the way he stepped. Sam walked with caution trying to be quiet with each long step he took, while Dean stomped his feet taking shorter strides.

Opening my eyes I realized the room was now completely dark. I didnt know what time it was but I could hear the rain hitting the shutters outside and someone getting out of the shower. Looking at the tv I had seen that 6 hours had passed since the boys left. The room was quiet now besides from the shower noise and the smell of take out. At this point the rain had been beaming on the motel window, the wind moving the power lines with each move.

The shower had finally stopped and the bathroom door opened. There stood Dean with a towel wrapped around his waist walking to his suitcase. He must of not notice that I was awake yet because by the time I crawled around the top couch to say hello he almost dropped his towel.

"Jesus Y/N you cant wake up from the dead like that." Rolling my eyes at his remark, Dean collected the plaid pajamas pants and grey t shirt from his suitcase and went back to the bathroom.

"Where's Sam?" I called from the bathroom. I wondered where the youngest brother was seeing as I had heard his name before, but now he was gone.

Yelling from the bathroom Dean stopped brushing his teeth and opened the door. "He went on a date" Gasping when the words came out of his mouth Dean laughed. I couldnt belive Sam had went on a date. It had been the first "date" I had known of since Jessica and I couldnt of been happier for him.

"Well dont seemed so surprised Sunshine, my brother has moves." Standing up from the couch I walked to in the bathroom with Dean watching as his shaved his face. Sitting on the toliet seat I watched in curiosity as Dean shaved his face.

"Can I try?" Pausing what he was doing Dean stopped to look at me. Pointing the blade my way Dran brought the shaving cream to his hand.

"You wanna try shaving my face?" Dean held the blade in his hand waiting until I gave an awnser. Nodding my head I began to stand up pointing for Dean to sit on the lid. Mumbling to himself Dean starts to complain, "I cant belive I'm letting you do this."

Taking the blade from his hand I start to outline Dean's face with shaving cream. Dean shutters from the cold, but just holds onto his legs. I could already tell Dean was nervous when I brought the blade to his face because he was already inching away. Sighing to myself I placed the blade back on the counter. "Dean you know I wont hurt you."

Laughing Dean leans back to his position placing my hands on top of the blade again. Dean begins to look around at everything besides me. The shower curtain, tile floor, my slippers, the granite countertop, the mirror, and then finally he looks my way giving me the nod of approval. "I know, I just never had anyone else do this before, I trust you sweetheart."

Smiling at the nickname I began to put a hand on Dean's shoulder and lean closer to his face. In all honesty it was a lot easier then I thought. I could of sworn that I cut him a couple of times, but when the shaving cream was off he was clean like a baby.

Grabbing a washcloth from under the sink I began to run it under the water for Dean's face. Dean and I had been in this position before, believe it or not. Standing close to one anothers embrace cleaning up eachother wounds. Out of all the scenarios I could think of this had to be the most intimate. Even when we would clean up wounds we still held affection, and protection around eachother. But standing in the bathroom (no one hurt) while the two of us laugh and deeply focus on one another was something elese.

After wiping away the cream from Dean's face, he grabs my hand and holds it for a moment. Letting out a soft thank you, I smile and motion for him to get up. Dean followed me to the couch and there we sat watching old re runs of our favorite 80s movies. Towards the end of the night Dean and I practically fell asleep, the ambience of the rain and the darkness of the motel added to the perfect sleepy weather.

By time Sam came home he was already confused. The motel room was pitch black and when he tried calling both of our names, there was no awnsers. Putting the kitchen light on Sam looked around the room searching for Dean and I. Finally landing his eyesight on the two of us, Sam smiled. There layed both Dean and I cuddled into one another's arms wrapped in a blanket. Sam shut the kitchen light off and headed into the bathroom thinking about how well his date went and how his two best friends were finally making a move

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