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pastelgrungewrecker · 1 year

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Washed In Her Blood || Sg Ish

And the rain will kill us all Throw ourselves against the wall But no one else can see The preservation of the martyr in me

‘They dared.’, he hisses grinding already cracked and shattered teeth line with titanium, ‘They DARED to fight back, knowing their INFERIORITY. A herd of filthy creatures, holed up in their dusty little den, oh... They will learn His might.’

He looked to the girl he had stolen, the light he had killed- her smile lifted from old war crimes though her eyes were dull and blank.

‘Come, Solarstorm. Let us test your wit against the corrupted versions of before.’

She laughed, quiet and filthy- and flexed gloved hands.

The family watched the sky; watched as the distant clouds scorched and the flashes of warfare shone like dying suns and something went cold in each of them one by one.

Nana’s face was stoic and calm, though her sons fretted and paced like trapped animals.

She looked at them, and felt her heart grow heavy- she met the eyes of the Shrike and the Madame Professor, and nodded.

‘When our time comes.’ they silently agreed, ‘Never kneeling. They will live.’

The sky was burning.

The people scattered, an old home of worship burned down at the edge of the county. Death was coming, borne by tank treads and ego.

Another wave had come due, and this one would crash like ancient worldkillers, tsunamis that drowned every speck of life that frothed and grasping claws could reach.

They found the scouts so easily- as though they wanted to be found; each wore the vile version of Jazz’s face and they died like flies. Splattered and torn and laughing the whole way down to hell.

In the mornings, Belle cried. In the evenings, Pulsar did.

And when the sun rose high, First Aid did. Sucking sobs, broken as he gasped weakly as his back and chest healed so slowly. Hours felt like years unknowable and each passing minute wore down his resolve.

He broke on a cold morning, a morning that whispered the threat of wartime winter. He broke in a way too familiar to his parents, wobbling and scared and watching his hands shake like reeds in a tornado and he looked up at the father who wore his mourning and the Papa who broke right along with him.

“Come here, bearcub.”, he rasps through his grief, “Come here, let my heart beat for yours to follow a’right.”

He cried. His voice was silent, broken by the cruel wounds he wore now, would forever wear now. His legs gave and Ratchet sank down with him with an arm around his too strong body and a hand in First Aid’s curls to press the young father’s head to a heartbeat that had always calmed him.

The heartbeat that made him, the heartbeat that matched his as he grew.

“I w-want the RAIN!”, he sobbed, “P-Papa I need my RAIN I need the rain to bring it all BACK-”

“I know, bearcub- I know.”, whispered Ratchet, “And God, God I’m so sorry, I’m sorry your spring rain cain’t come t’let you run and wash away all the hurt and burnin’ but we gotta last the snow first. It’ll be over soon, I promise. Papabear’s gonna make it all better for you, just like I used to, like I’m s’posed to.”

First Aid’s hand worms free, grasping out for his Baba- distant and cold again after seeing his most precious worlds burn down, “B-Baba please- make him swear MAKE HIM SWEAR!”

Baba’s pinky finger links with his.

“Ratchet.”, he whispers in words that sound like killcounts, “You heard our firefly. You. You have to sw-swear.”

Ratchet linked his little finger with Percy’s other hand as First Aid sobbed his hatred and hurt out in rivulets that burned- the aqua regia of a father’s love and the fear of the apathy that had eaten the hearts of so many he had known.

Perceptor kisses the top of his firstborn’s head, trying not to drown in the memories of a crying toddler the day they all had to part ways in a new kind of forever.

“We swear, babymine. We swear on the clover and the bees. We swear on the house and the honeyjar in the cupboard.”

“O-Okay.”, whimpers the boy who was strong far, far too long, “Remember y-you swore.”

Perceptor forces his face to smile. He knows it doesn’t drown the rage in his eye.

The sky is falling. Burned out, it is falling like ash.

The road to the homestead has never been shorter, never been weaker as treads tear it apart.

A horde of hearts feels the end coming.

The fathers and lovers are roused, and weapons raised. Stormy’s face is made of fury and pain, an avenging angel with his wings burnt to stumps guided by the hand of Death, aided by the living Metamorphosis who cackles wildly to clear the way for the beasts of ancient stories to rend and tear.

It means nothing to the maw of the machine.

Then She stands tall, She stands tall and perches on the tilted tank gun and laughs from the bottom of a gutted chest as circuitry she was never meant to have shines like chainmail.

“LOAD THE HELL ROUNDS!”, she crows, meeting her father’s eyes and drinking down the shattering glass shards left behind as his fight flickers and fades, “BURN IT ALL DOWN, DOWN DOWN TO THE GROUND!”

The little princess turned sorceress, the Forced Cruel Queen filling boots she found in the mausoleum of the soul.

“STARDUST!”, howls First Aid.

“BURN THEM ALL!”, she crows back.

And she chases them back as her once-family realizes it. They’re cornered.

Stormy steps back, looking to his assassin turned beloved turned cracked chalice, “How- HOW COULD THEY GET ONE OVER US-”

The sound of a tank bursting, the smell of burning meat.

The crooked copy of Quickdraw stands tall and wearing his wilder father’s face, “STARDUST- STARDUST LISTEN TO ME YOU HAVE TO FIGHT BACK, THIS ISN’T YOU CALL THEM OFF!”

She glares down her nose at him, disgusted, “Oh goody. The Xerox wants to give me advice.”

Stormy can’t even scream as he reaches before beginning to run.

“HE’S LIED TO YOU JUST LIKE HE LIED TO ME, STARDUST PLEASE THIS CAN’T BE YOU!”, bellows Quickdraw, his prosthetic arm twitching and glitching from the blast it unleashed, “PLEASE, COME BACK TO US- COME BACK TO YOUR FAMILY-”

“I DON’T HAVE A STUPID FAMILY!”, she shrieks, like a tantrum, as she stomps her foot on an armor plated war vehicle, “REAL FAMILIES SAVE ME, REAL FAMILIES WOULDN’T LEAVE ME BEHIND BECAUSE I’M JSUT A STUPID USELESS LITTLE GIRL!”

“STARDUST N-”

Stormy leaps. His ribs feel like they’ve shattered and Quickdraw is screaming.

Stardust stomps again, “STUPID STUPID OLD BASTARD! YOU WOULD DARE TO DISRESPECT SOLARSTORM! HOW ABSOLUTELY DARE YOU BUTT IN!”

Stormy turns his head, gagging on his words, “You’re name i-is STARDUST-”

“NOT ANYMORE!”, she howls, panting and wild eyed and god how he wishes she looked more like her father, “NOT ANYMORE OLD MAN- I DON’T NEED A WEAK BRAT’S NAME, NOT WHEN I’M BETTER THAN YOU AND I’M GOING TO PROVE IT TO EVERYONE!”

She turns her head, the profile small but familiar and flings her other arm out in a point, “LEVEL THAT GROSS ASS SHACK, BURN EVERYONE INSIDE IT TO ASH!”

She glances back down, her eyes still so blank and dead even as her smile is wet with bloodlust that she was never meant to have, “Watch me blow your reputation out of the water, Genitus. Ad I’ll do it all by my self, like you NEVER had the GUTS to!”

The tank fired.

Ratchet turned, his double freezing solid as they both smelled it.

Fire. Burning.

“MAMA!”, Ratchet screamed, “MAMA, AID NO!”

Aid coughed where he had been knocked awry by the blast, getting up on his elbows to hear the thud of two pairs of boots as both versions of Mimi skidded to a stop in front of him.

The top of the house- full of memories and children’s blankets, was burning. Solarstorm shrieked something about missing a clean shot.

The family was being chased into a corner and Ratchet screamed again.

Lights came on at the side of the house, and the roar of an engine sounded.

The stolen transport vehicle came careening around the corner, slamming hard into mutated infantry and grinding them to dust.

In the front seat sat the wild Shrike herself, Tanager laughing around and burning cigar. the top hatch opened, showing the mounted plasma turret that began to fire with the kind of scientific precision Perceptor had inherited from a woman with smiling eyes and then Nana- old Nana canebound and tired, leaned out the side window armed with a shotgun Ratchet remembered.

“GERRON AND GET RUNNIN’ MY BABY!”, she bellowed, “RUN WHERE THE WORLD WILL HIDE YA, GET GOIN’!”

He choked on his voice and nodded, putting dusty and bloodied fingers to him mouth and whistling sharp and high and clear.

“THE WOODS, GET TO THE WOODS!”

Chrona, armed with Cyclonus’s old but crisp sword from back who knows when, carried on the whistle. The commandeered vehicle veered again, mowing down invaders with maliciously sharp movements as the family grabbed hands and arms and guns and ran like their lives depended on it- because they did.

The piercing scream of the one now called Solarstorm sliced through the sunset like a threat as they ran until their chests burned and ran some more. The vehicle followed, the movements precise but random and scattering the threats the best they could before the engine sputtered.

“Shit.”, hissed Tanager. Aurora glanced away from a control console before reaching down and hauling up on the access panel.

“I can rig it, but it won’t last.”, she called out to her the two other women, “This. this might be a final hurrah. None of us three would be able to keep up with the rest, we’d only slow them down and get them caught.”

Tanager squared her jaw, hauling the steering to the side and behind the family as they reached the woodland edge. She kicked out her side window, pulling herself out enough to see as the enemy began to rapidly regroup from her steered swathes of destruction.

“BLUEBIRD!”, she hollered, her smile wild and mourning as Whirl and his double turned, “I’LL SEE YOU, AWRIGHT? I’LL SEE YA SOMEWHERE OVER THAT RAINBOW LIKE MY LULLABY- ME AND YOUR DADDY ARE GONNA BE WAITING SO MAKE US WAIT FOREVER IF YOU NEED IT!”

She hated how the words struck them both, how they slowed their steps only for both Quickdraws now to push them onward with hands and pleas of iron and crystal.

“PERCY!”, was the singsong of the peeking Aurora, popping up beside the turret, “BURN BRIGHT MY BOYS! BURN BRIGHT AND BURN FAR FOR ME, I LEAVE THE STARLIGHT MAKING TO YOU!”

She could feel their hearts break. Hers did too.

Ratchet, following his double, were the tails of the scared beast of the hunted family-

A cane reached out and hooked his arm.

He stopped hard, turned with scared blue eyes and wild curls and the smell of burning.

He looked to his mother- for a moment the light of oncoming war and firebombs lit up behind her again and once more he was young, so young- sirens were blaring and her arm a bloody mangled mess.

It faded, and she looked at him with a tenderness she only ever held for her son.

“Run for me, ratchling.”, she said as the enemy regrouped further, “Run like I told you. Run far and run fast and promise you’re gonna live.”

“M-Ma what are- No, NO DON’T DO THIS-”

"I ain't runnin' anymore, ratchling.", she said, sitting back in her seat and hefting her shotgun, "Get the babies safe. Get Aid safe. And then you do what I taught you when the clinic raid sirens sounded."

"M-Ma no wait-", he pleaded, hearing the drums of war (the tank treads had reactivated, the machines were adjusting their guns and aiming their forces as new ones were advancing up old and familiar roads ever closer)-

"I love you baby boy- I love you, Coriander of Vaporex. The sirens are soundin' real loud now, so Mama needs you to run. The bad men are here and I promised; I promised I'd never let 'em hurt you."

She blew him a kiss, she reached out to ruffle his hair.

He sobbed once, stumbling closer to hold her tight and let her wrap her arm around him in a hug.

“Your life is my most precious creation, my li’l wildflower boy. Protect it for me.”, she said gently, kissing ragged red curls before heaving him away, “NOW RUN!”

“MAMA NO, MAMA PLEASE NO I CAN’T DO IT NO DON’T MAKE ME RU-UN!”

His double bodied him, hauling him over a modified shoulder and letting tears be free for the first time since he held Belle forever ago and they ran. The stolen vehicle whined into redline and Tanager gave a whoop and bellow as they charged.

The woodlands swallowed the little refugees of a false god’s vendetta.

But the sound of war machines exploding and firing was loud.

They ran- They ran deep into the darkness and QD let his eyes glow as his elder sister charged beside him, hissing her directions.

“Left.”

“Right.”

“C’mon, we gotta turn up the crick.”

“How- Hhow do you know. Where we’re going?”, he rasped, pulling his father’s arm tighter over his shoulder as he half dragged the man, “How do you even know the route-”

“I’m the big sister, baby dino.”, she answered, “Means I know shit, remember? Now trust me, I’ll get us all safe and sound-”

She was lying, he could smell it. He fell quiet and they all kept running in silence until the trees grew thicker and then gave way.

“Alright, stop- STOP y’all!”, called Mimi, standing tall, “We’ll be safe here, at least for now. QD, Quickdraw- back and to the right there’s a metal plate bunker top. Crack it’s lock and haul it open. Chrona, Doublaid- work with Xaaron and Gramma Cae, check injuries, I need us all IN that bunker before dawn fully hits. I’m gonna. I’m gonna double check the perimeter.”

Faces look up to her and nod- faces too young for this but Mimi feels the ache in her chest like the last time. The old mutiny.

...She had to lead then, too, didn’t she.

She eases herself to Perceptor, kneeling in front of him knowing he isn’t seeing her anymore, “Si-si; hey now. Look at me. That’s right. I need Left and I need the boot knife. I’m gonna go make the bed now, okay? Just breathe. Mimi’s here, always, right?”

He nods, broken in a way she remembers and hates the familiar taste of suffering in her throat. She refuses to look back the way they came, knowing it’s all glowing red like G9 did on the viewscreen of Magnus’s old shuttle.

And she walks tall, but bent, and dips into darkness to check buried wires and old mines that are still active. She remembers one of these war torn mornings before the first wave broke them all.

[’In the backwoods, far an’ away. There’s an old bunker, aright?’, Nana says, showing her on an old paper map in the matriarch’s big closet, ‘When things go bad, that’s where you can hide. There’s radio shit in there, all kindsa tech bein’ stored by Hide.’

‘You mean if, right-’

‘Nah, sweet girl. I mean when. There’s never an if in war, only ever a when and a what.’, says Nana solemnly, ‘And when that when happens... I may not be here to hold everyone together. That’s gonna be up to you, and your brothers and sisters.’

‘Nana, don’t say that- we’re taking you with if we have to run.’, said Mimi sternly.

A soft chuckle, a ruffle of Mimi’s hair, ‘You get that optimism from that pale-haired pops a yours. Keep it burnin’ baby- you’ll need it when the darkness comes.’]

Mimi doesn’t remember beginning to cry. She realizes she hasn’t cried in months, hasn’t cried since the sky went red and now she can’t stop.

She gags, retching as everything settles into her heart and soul and falls to her knees as her hips give way and the prosthetic legs can’t catch her. Her hands dig into the loam and she looks up to try and at least crawl.

At least do something.

At least hope to be saved from her birthright.

A hand grabs her shoulder.

“Don’t fight it.”, her double whispers, “Close your eyes- I got your hair. Let it out or the shellshock is gonna ruin you long before the soul death gets you. C’mon.”

She’s sick.

Her double doesn’t flinch. Cold, unshaken, strong in ways Mimi desperately wishes but here she is- pouring her guts onto loam and mud while her family packs themselves in an old war bunker from the first time hell bloomed on the surface.

“Don’t swallow- spit first. Here; I’ve got a drink for you. Sip, don’t chug.”

Mimi expected water. What she got was something she recognized from when Perceptor was lost the first time. Whiskey, burning and dark and bitter on her tongue.

“Aht. Sip, dammit. Then hand it over, I need to fortify too.”

Mimosa sat heavily next to Mimi for a moment with a groan, stretching her back before accepting the canteen full of liquor.

Mimi watched her double take a full bodied swing- swallowing without a flinch before the cap was replaced.

“So, what’s the plan.”

“P.Plan? I. I-I-I...”

Mimosa watched, eyes vicious and deep as Mimi stammered before her voice died stillborn in her throat.

“I don’t. I don’t know.”

“Yet. You don’t know yet, and that’s alright. Never force a plan, that’s how you make mistakes.”

“That’s easy for YOU to fucking say, you’re some kind of. Of. Weird lieutenant general shit!”

“Nope. A squad leader. Shit on Prowl’s heel on a good day.”, said Mimosa levelly, “But you... You led a rebellion against a mutiny.”

Mimi laughed bitterly, “I didn’t do SHIT all I did was get angry and put my siblings in way too much danger.”

“They were in danger to begin with. You helped them pull out of the pit.”

“Oh please. I can’t... I can’t ACTUALLY help anyone. I’m just a stupid wedlock brat, I’m just CONSPAWN with a STUPID MARTYR COMPLEX like my dad.”

“Give yourself some credit- I am, and that’s worth something even if I’m rockin’ secondhand peglegs.”

Mimi sniffled.

Mimosa shifted, moving so she was on one carbon steel knee. They sat in silence as Mimi began to cry.

“L-Look at them. Me, help? They’re BROKEN- I could barely handle Si-Si when he shattered the first time and let’s be honest here. I was a KID, I made everything worse and harder! And now... Now I’m barely an adult and I have everyone fucking depending on me because I’ve burned my whole life’s candle trying to be worth the love they gave me and now we’re all as good as dead.”

Mimosa looked at her sharply, eyes softening just a little. Just enough.

Mimi matched her gaze, her eyes lost and bright and shrinkwrapped in the kind of tears that can flood graveyards and the ventricles of hearts that forgot how to beat.

“God I just.. I...”, a hiccup, a whimper of weakness long overdue, “I wish I could be l-like you. I wish I could be strong like you, I wish...”

“You wish. What.”

“I wish I didn’t have to have all this love making me so fucking weak all the time- I wish I could be like YOU.”, she breathed out, her breath fogging the cold air, “Then maybe I could be actually WORTH something-”

The hard strike to her face sent her sprawling, and the hand that curled into her shirt and hauled her back up to stare stunned into her double’s burning eyes terrified her with it’s grip.

“Don’t you ever spit that bullshit again, do you underfuckingstand me.”, hissed Mimosa as she gave her double a little shake, “Don’t you EVER say that again, I don’t tolerate liars even NOW.”

“B. But I-”

“I gave up my HUMANITY. I’m nothing more than a shell to pour anger in and make it move. Don’t you EVER regret the burn in your fucking soul do you GET ME.”, was the snarl, another shake.

Mimi trembled.

“Don’t. Don’t you ever doubt the love that family, your family- OUR family has for you. You’re no martyr you IDIOT- you’re a hero, even if they don’t pin medals to your chest. And believe, as someone who’s worn medals and awards... They mean jack and shit when the cold comes in.”

Mimosa’s grip lessened.

“You aren’t some... some MISTAKE. Stop selling yourself short because you’re JUST a big sister or JUST a ‘kid out of wedlock’. Do you understand me? Don’t you EVER talk like you’re gonna let the enemy win.”

Mimi hiccuped again, her trembles becoming more pronounced.

“And don’t you dare act anything less than human.”, said Mimosa, her voice slowly gentling, “If they won’t let you be, then FUCK ‘EM. But you’re making some hard judgement on our family.”

“O-Our...?”

“I sure didn’t teach those kids how to open their arms to a one time enemy. I sure didn’t teach my squad to laugh, to cry, to be. All I gave them was the chance to escape.”, se continued, staring the parallel into Mimi like a gunshot wound, “I just put them in too much danger when I got angry, too.”

Mimi’s trembling reached a fever pitch. Her head tilted back, her jaw fell open, and she cried like a lost kitten.

“I-I’m so scared Mimosa! I don’t kn-know what to do n-now!”, she sobbed, “Si-Si is freezing over again and Dri-Dri is baring his teeth! Whirl is sitting in a heap and Ratchet is.. I don’t even know!”

Mimosa turned her head, looking through the clutter of overgrowth at the little huddle of the family.

Perceptor sat next to Drift, fingers on the rifle that had been slung on his back and now lay over is lap. Drift stared into the ground, tears falling like molten magma leaking from undersea vents.

Whirl stared at... nothing. Wide eye blank and dull as he shivered while Brainstorm held tight enough to him to crush his ribs.

Cyclonus sat with the modified medic, whispering to each other and casting worried glances to the back of Ratchet- the Ratchet Mimi knew so well. The one she hid behind when she couldn’t find somewhere safe to hide.

“...Yeah, they’re dying in real time.”, said Mimosa, “These wounds may never heal.”

Mimi sobbed again.

“But you’re here. You’re here so there’s hope.”

“I’m so fucking TIRED of being the hope!”, she sobbed, “Where is MINE?! When do I get to just REST and stop trying to save the world haven’t I done ENOUGH-”

The hug was unexpected, sudden. Out of character, even.

Mimosa held her double tight, almost uncomfortably.

“It’s alright, kiddo.”, said Mimosa, the words foreign but comfortable in her mouth, “Cry. Cry and scream and be scared I’m. I’m right here now. You aren’t all alone anymore, none of you are. We’re here. I’m not the best, I can only do what I learned from you but.”

Mimi wrapped her arms around her sister, her big sister, and let her heart break as she curled up the way QD used to when the world made his soul ache.

“I’m here now, it’s alright. Big sis is here now.”, whispered Mimosa, “Be scared. Let it hurt. Mourn. Tomorrow... Tomorrow we fight. I’ll teach you everything I know, okay? It’s only fair.”

Mimi coughed, her cries soft and muted as her double held her tight and let practiced eyes skim the darkness surrounding them.

She’d catch her sister’s tears- she’d carry all of their grief in the empty spaces left behind from her rage burning out.

And maybe, just maybe, when they stopped crying- whatever had ached in her chest since they welcomed her would stop too.

#pastelwrites #battlegrandmas activate

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gorillawithautism · 11 months

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my tags part two

system tags

not all posts from or about certain headmates will be tagged. we reserve our right to relative anonymity :) pronouns for individuals will be included if they allow it

sws bear - bear uses he/him

sws matthew - matthew uses he/him (and specifically requests no nicknames)

sws lyri - lyri use song/songs (close friends may use she/her)

sws little - you don't get to know the littles

sws korus - korus uses he/him

sws otis - otis (also otie/oatey/oatie) uses he/him

sws lilah - lilah uses she/her

sws lydia - lydia uses she/her

sws molly - molly/myolly uses she/her or any cat-related neopronouns

sws demnos - demnos is pretty new so i'm not sure about pronouns but so far it seems he/him is good

sws sos - posts from/about any of the sea of stars fictives

sws resh'an - resh'an uses he/they at the moment

sws zale - zale uses he/him

sws valere - valere uses she/her

sws garl - garl uses he/him

sws seraï - seraï uses she/they (never it/its)

sws b'st - b'st uses he/it

sws bbc merlin - posts from/about the bbc merlin fictives

sws merlin - merlin uses she/him

sws arthur- arthur uses he/him

sws pkmn - posts from/about the pokemon fictives

sws darkrai - darkrai uses it/he (it/its preferred)

sws staravia - staravia uses it/he (its more used to it/its but otherwise doesn't really care that much)

note: both staravia and darkrai are introjects from pokemon: rise of darkrai. this is important to their identities and they felt the desire to share

sws madame hell - madame hell uses she/her or anything that denotes superiority (bonus points for connotations of evilness)

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tossawary · 3 years

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Rules: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Send me an ask with the title that most intrigues you and I’ll post a little snippet of it or tell you something about it! And then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

I was tagged by @alovelyocean.

Some notes on this: you are only getting the SVSSS and MDZS fics because that's what this blog is about. Most of my fics have a minimum of 2-3 documents (first draft & notes document and final draft document, or else first draft, second draft, and notes document), so I have pruned some documents accordingly. I have also removed at least one WIP document with a title that is a straight-up spoiler for the twist of the fic.

This will probably not be too confuddling, as I have a system for naming fics, which is either "[FANDOM] - [TITLE or PREMISE]" or "[FANDOM] - [PAIRING or MAIN RELATIONSHIP] - [TITLE or PREMISE]". Because I know that if I do not do this, I will absolutely forget what this document is or how to find it again.

Also, I was going through this and realized, “Wait, I tell you about most of my fic ideas and WIP fics anyway, I might as well just link to the correct tags.”

Names of FINISHED FICS in my SVSSS folder:

Included because I thought people might get a kick out of how to-the-point some of these document titles were when these fics were WIPs.

SVSSS - Good Omens Fusion

-> Absolutely Ineffable

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/svsss-good-omens-fusion-au

SVSSS - Horns

-> Horns

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/horns-fic

SVSSS - Mingling - Melting Her Mascara

-> but that’s fine because I like a hot mess

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/a-guide-to-troubled-birds-prompts

SVSSS - Moshang - Didi 1

-> Babe in the Woods

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/babe-in-the-woods

SVSSS - Moshang - Energy Drinks

-> anxiety and caffeine are having a cockfight in my brain

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/shang-qinghua%27s-transmigration-blues

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/a-guide-to-troubled-birds-prompts

SVSSS - Moshang - Haircut

-> every haircut I've ever had has been a bad haircut

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/shang-qinghua%27s-transmigration-blues

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/a-guide-to-troubled-birds-prompts

SVSSS - Moshang - MBJ Time Travel

-> dreams that had never come true

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/dreams-that-had-never-come-true

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/mobei-jun-time-travel-fic

SVSSS - Moshang - Role Reversal AU

-> it must follow, as the night the day

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/as-the-night-the-day

SVSSS - MXTX Remix - Liushen SW AU

-> this point of pale light

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/this-point-of-pale-light

SVSSS - Narnia Fusion

-> The Red Cabinet

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/svsss-narnia-fusion-au

SVSSS - PINTW - SQH x2

-> ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/the-person-in-the-puddle

SVSSS - Qijiu - Sober and Gracious

-> the ability to remain sober and gracious

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/a-guide-to-troubled-birds-prompts

SVSSS - Uncle Shang - pride

-> pride is not the word I'm looking for

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/pride-is-not-the-word

(PINTWILF is still a WIP. It has at least 4 documents to its name. The above document is the one I write the next chapter in. The other 3 documents are notes documents for different arcs.)

And now on to the WIPs!

Names of WIP FICS in my SVSSS folder:

SVSSS - 1 Stardust ROUGH

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/svsss-stardust-fusion-au

SVSSS - a thousand flowers

SVSSS - Amnesiac MBJ

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/de-aging-mobei-jun-fic

SVSSS - Baby Brother Liu Qingge

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/unrealistically-young-prodigy-liu-qingge-au

SVSSS - Cucumberplane Identity Reveal

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/svsss-identity-reveal-fic

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/transmigrator-reveal-fic

SVSSS - Demon Trio - A Very Pleasant Evening

SVSSS - Demon/Human Swap

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/demon-human-swap-au

SVSSS - Enchanted Forest - Moshang

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/svsss-enchanted-forest-fusion-au

SVSSS - MBJ Mom Transmigrator

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/transmigrator-mobei-jun-mom

SVSSS - MBJ/SQH/SJ - Calculated Risks

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/moshangjiu-fic

SVSSS - Modern Cultivators

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/modern-cultivators-bleach-fusion-au

SVSSS - Moshang - Newborn God

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/mobei-jun-and-the-sun-god-au

SVSSS - Moshang - Arranged Marriage

(this is the same AU as "SVSSS - Moshang - Forced Marriage")

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/moshang-forced-marriage-au

SVSSS - Moshang - Baby

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/moshang-baby-fic

SVSSS - Moshang - With Benefits

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/moshang-allies-with-benefits-fic

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/mobei-jun-can%27t-read-au

SVSSS - Moshang - Checklist / My Only Crime

SVSSS - Moshang - Cinderella AU

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/Moshang-Cinderella-AU

SVSSS - Moshang - Concussion

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/moshang-concussion-fic

SVSSS - Moshang - Hobbit Fusion

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/svsss-hobbit-fusion-au

SVSSS - Moshang - Second Chances

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/shang-qinghua-fakes-his-death-au

SVSSS - Moshang - Servant to a Different King

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/servant-to-a-different-king-au

SVSSS - Shangjiu - A Friend Like Me

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/shangjiu-benefits-fic

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/shangjiu

SVSSS - Shen Twins - MBJ Time Travel

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/dreams-that-had-never-come-true

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/mobei-jun-time-travel-fic

SVSSS - SQH vs. Succubus

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/no-cat-anywhere

SVSSS - The Princess Bride Fusion AU

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/svsss-the-princess-bride-fusion-au

SVSSS - Tianxiyan - A Hell of a Time

(Fics that I moved from my “#fic ideas” tag to my WIP folder while putting this list together:)

SVSSS - Shen Yuan as Linguang-Jun AU

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/shen-yuan-as-linguang-jun-au

SVSSS - Moshang - Shang Qinghua Plans Someone Else’s Wedding

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/wedding-planner-shang-qinghua-au

SVSSS - Moshang - Black Widow MBJ / Widowmaker Shang Qinghua

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/black-widow-mobei-jun-fic

SVSSS - Moshang - Widower Mobei-Jun / Plant-Body SQH

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/widower-mobei-jun-au

SVSSS - Moshang - Way of the Househusband AU

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/way-of-the-househusband-au

SVSSS - Avatar The Last Airbender AU

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/svsss-avatar-au

SVSSS - Moshang - Soulwords AU

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/svsss-soulwords-au

SVSSS - Transmigrator Liu Mingyan AU

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/transmigrator-liu-mingyan-au

SVSSS - LiuJiu - Liu Qingge Raises Liu Mingyan AU

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/liu-qingge-raises-liu-mingyan-au

SVSSS - Moshang - Mobei-Jun Mpreg Fic

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/moshang-mpreg-fic

Names of WIP FICS in my MDZS folder:

MDZS - Age Role Reversal

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/mdzs-age-reversal-au

MDZS - JYL/JGY - the measuring snake and the lotus flower

MDZS - JYL/LXC - lotus among the clouds

MDZS - JYL/WN - the archer who shot down the sun

MDZS - NMMY - present blessings

MDZS - Transmigrator Lan Wangji

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/transmigrator-lan-wangji

MDZS - Transmigrator Mme Yu - the imposter spider

MDZS - WWX and LQR Bonding

MDZS + SVSSS - Bingcheng

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/luo-binghe-in-lotus-pier-au

(Fics that I moved from my “#fic ideas” tag to my WIP folder while putting this list together:)

MDZS - Wei Wuxian as Madam Jin AU

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/wei-wuxian-as-madam-jin-au

MDZS - Jin Zixuan Time Travel AU

https://tossawary.tumblr.com/tagged/jin-zixuan-time-travel-fic

I didn’t count how many WIPs this is.

#a lovely ocean #tossawary updates #tossawary svsss #tossawary mdzs #fic ideas #tossawary asks for asks

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astaroth1357 · 4 years

Text

Melancholy (A Leviathan x GN MC Fanfic)

I guess you could say I use a lot of personal experience when I write. If I get sad, I’ll write something sad. Lock me in my room and I’ll probably write something about my lamp. I hope you can at least get something out of my occasional literary catharsis. Also, communication is important. Always ask for help if you need to, there’s never any shame in doing so.

Warning: Themes of Depression, Angst

Melancholy: A feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause.

Levi could barely manage his own mood sometimes, so never once did he think that he’d end up having to help someone else with their own. Under normal circumstances, he’d never considered getting involved. All his brothers knew that he was probably the least equipped to deal with their problems, physical or emotional. If they were concerned about completing a boss level or what anime to watch next, he had them covered, but sadness…? That was an Asmo problem or maybe a Beel. Don’t come to him.

But for the MC it was different… They seemed to gravitate to him since the day they first met, even though he tried to push them away. They liked him. They laughed at his dorky jokes and listened to his endless rambling. They would stay up late with him to play the latest game he just got or sit through his six-millionth re-watch of TSL with a smile on their face. He couldn’t quite place when it started to happen, but he felt himself getting slowly more attached to this peculiar human… He gradually started opening his world to them, and they didn’t seem to mind being a part of it. They were at ease with him and all his little eccentricities... It was a feeling of acceptance that he had always craved but was too afraid to seek. He wanted to be with them, hell, he probably even loved them.

So it hurt him in a special way to see them so sad… He couldn’t place why but some days, he’d just notice things were off about them. They wouldn’t laugh as much at his jokes or smile quite as wide when he launched into another one of his rants. He could see them trying. The corners of their mouth would raise briefly, but then drop like they were weighted by cement. Their eyes wouldn’t sparkle like they used to, they’d just stay flat, static… muted. Like something about them had decided to withdraw from the world, hiding away in a place he just couldn’t quite get to… He’d ask them what was wrong, but they never had a good answer for him. Most of the time, they wouldn’t even admit there was a problem. They’d put on that fragile smile and say everything was alright… Did they think he was blind? Sure, Levi knew he wasn’t the most well-versed in people’s emotions, but even he could point to sadness when he saw it. Especially in someone that he cared about so much…

In truth, he had been paying close attention to them for months now. With the same level of detail as he would his favorite character in a show or a voice actor who’s work he admired. He knew things about them that they may not have known about themselves… Their favorite foods and colors, how they stood and how they walked, the little habits they hung onto from the human world, and all the faces they’d make when no one else is watching... He knew it all as well as he knew any game he’s ever played, and why wouldn’t he? He was their biggest fan.

He tried using all that knowledge to cheer them up. As far as he was concerned, getting them to feel better was his new mission objective. Even his brothers took notice of his dedication to it. More deliveries started showing up at the House filled with very… not-Levi things for once. At one point, he had a rather irritated Lucifer knocking on his door to ask why there were twenty pounds worth flowers all piled in the entryway. He explained it away as him hitting the wrong option on accident, but in all honesty, it was because he ordered them flowers but just couldn’t decide which color or style would have been the best for a bouquet... So he bought them all.

They would always accept his gifts, and he could tell they liked them, but it never seemed to fix the problem... No matter what he bought them, there would still be those days where they looked just too forlorn to smile… It made his heart ache, and he wished that he could be good with people like Asmo or just put people at ease like Beel… Even Mammon was better at getting people to smile than he was… He wanted to help so badly, but every time he built up the courage to ask them about it, they’d never tell him what the problem was…

Slowly, he began to worry if it was him, like maybe he had done something wrong one day… That had to be it right…? He was a shut-in, he’s never really had to deal with people before… The fear, guilt, and frustration gradually ate at his mind for weeks while he scoured his memories for every little mistake he could have made... Did he miss an important date? Had he forgotten to call them back for something? Did he ignore them by accident one day? With every anxious thought, there was a pressure building inside him… He was growing convinced that MC was upset because of something he had done, but he didn’t want them to leave… not after he’d finally felt so understood. It was only a matter of time before his racing thoughts slipped over…

When they knocked on his door that day, he knew they weren’t in the best mood before they even walked in. Their hand hit his door softer than usual, tentative with a longer pause between strikes. He had half a mind to tell them that he was too busy to hang out that day, having to look at their woeful expression just hurt him that much... But he knew he couldn’t refuse them even if he wanted to. His lovesick heart could never turn them away…

His suspicions were proved true when they stepped in to say hello. They had that same weak smile… the dullness of their eyes almost refusing to reflect the cool, blue glow of his aquarium wall. What did they want from him…? Were they trying to rub something in? He was to busy digging through his mind for their motives to notice that they had crossed the room to stand next to his computer chair. At least not until they gently tapped his shoulder. The concerned look in their eye was enough to stop his heart, he would have leapt from his chair had they not been blocking the way.

“Levi…? Are you okay? I said hello…” There they were, clearly drowning in their own sorrow, yet they were still concerned for him of all people? The guy who couldn’t even make them smile...? His brain short-circuited for a moment, and his next words flew out without his say-so.

“I’m s-sorry!!” He watched them pause before their brow furrowed in confusion, probably because he had just shouted in their face... He suddenly wished he could shrink down and hide in Henry’s fishbowl… This is why he doesn’t deal with people...

“Sorry…? About what…?” His eyes flicked frantically around the room while he tried to form some kind of exit strategy, but there wasn’t much he could do. There really was no turning back now, was there…? He was finally going to have to say something… Demons don’t pray, but he could feel himself begging for someone, anyone, to make this go well…

“A-about well… You’ve been sad a lot lately and I uh… I know I didn’t remember to get you that limited edition Hinata figurine from the last convention we went to… Or that you had a test to study for a few weeks ago when I tried to get you to play Devil’s Haven with me… I also didn’t notice your last haircut until an hour after I saw you and I accidentally ate your pudding cup from Madame Scream’s and blamed it on Beel-”

“Levi…”

“-I know I should have gotten the red camellias instead of the pink on that last batch of flowers. I saw the balance was off-”

“Levi.”

“-but I thought it’d be okay. Oh, and I’m sorry I hit you with that body pillow last week! I was aiming for Mammon, I sw-”

“Leviathan!” They had to put their finger over his mouth to keep him from rambling on. His face flushed almost immediately, in part due to embarrassment but also because of their proximity. The MC’s face had softened considerably, but he could still see the lingering sadness over their features… Had he not said enough…?

“You… You actually think that it’s your fault that I’m like this…?” They took their finger back and looked at him expectantly. Levi swallowed a growing lump in his throat and nodded hesitantly. He didn’t trust himself not to launch into another self-conscious tirade if he tried opening his mouth again… It felt like a stab to the chest when he saw their expression dip farther into despair.

“It’s not your fault, Levi… I just…” They drew in a deep breath and let it out as a sullen sigh, avoiding his eyes. “I just get sad sometimes… It’s a passing mood swing. I can’t really control it, and it doesn’t always have a reason… You’ve actually been helping me, though.” Levi’s amber-toned eyes widened like saucers, he could barely believe his ears. Was this a dream, or had they just told him that he actually helped them with something…?

“I have…??” The dumbstruck look on his face must have been pretty amusing because they actually graced him with their smile, full and authentic with no hidden melancholy.

“Yes, you dork! You have.” The light from his aquarium finally touched their eyes, dancing in amongst the natural sparkle that always accompanied their gaze. “That’s why I always keep coming here… Your jokes, your gifts… just how excited you get when you see something you love… it... It all helps. It really does…” A pang of guilt seemed to hit them as they turned away from him again, shrinking back from his presence.

“I’m so sorry I never said anything to you… I must have been showing up at your door sadder and sadder each time… No wonder you thought you were behind it…” They averted his stunned gaze by watching the jellyfish float behind his wall. “You must have felt awful… I hope you can forgive me…” The genuine remorse in their voice sent his mind into an anxious panic. He wanted, no, needed to do something now. He just couldn’t bear one more minute of their sadness…

“N-no it’s fine!” They turned back toward him in shock when his hands grasped at the hem of their shirt, his sitting form straining to try and coax their standing one closer. He just didn’t want them to pull away again… “I’m not mad or anything, I just… wish you would talk to me, you know? I want to help…”

They were silent for a few moments, eyeing him with mixed emotions and darkened cheeks, but soon let him pull them in. He rested his head on their stomach while his arms glued to their waist. It may not have been the most conventional position, but it was one where they were close, so frankly, Levi could care less. He felt them settle into it slowly, resting an arm around his shoulders while their fingers combed softly through his hair. The feeling almost made him shiver, but he didn’t want to ruin the mood.

After several long minutes locked in tranquility, he found that he just had to ask…

“MC… Is this helping…?” His heart skipped a beat when he finally heard their laugh once more, soft and charming as it always was…

“Yes, Levi… You always do…”

#obey me #obey me shall we date #shall-we-date-obey-me #obey me leviathan #obey me levi #obey me fanfic #obey me gender neutral mc #leviathan x mc #leviathan

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visceralcoma · 4 years

Note

Hello. I would just like to start with the fact I have no real opinion on any of the factions, one way or another. But I did feel...gross? reading the comparison that was being made with Evelyn. Largely because it was unintentional. Like, there’s a visceral reaction caused by something done on purpose, for a purpose, and then a visceral reaction caused by something unintended. The second seems worse somehow, because not meaning to be callous about sexual assault and a victim of it comes across as that it wasn’t even something worth thinking about, or reflecting on in the first place. And she’s fictional, of course, but if fiction didn’t have such an impact on our emotions, her betrayal likely wouldn’t have inspired your original post.

Like, I’m sure that wasn’t your intention, but I do get why people had a negative reaction to it. It all felt very dismissive and harsh, and made to push a specific perspective, in the cruelest way possible.

Prefacing this by saying, I’m not angry at you nonnie. But my tone in this is one of exhaustion. I sat on this because I didn’t want to snap at you, and then well... idiots stormed the USA’s capitol and fandom shit is just petty when you’re watching a live coup attempt. So like this whole thing is just....

Anyway below the cut because it’s insanely long because I decided to put my college-educated-hat on and use my academic words so people aren’t offended (not aimed at you nonnie).

Warning: Fandom Wank Ahead, aka Coma up to their usual shit again~

I fail to see how my original post was even referencing sexual assault victims negatively. In fact my original post (that started the outrage) even states I held sympathy for Evelyn, because of the sexual assault she was victim to by Woodman and Fingers.

My only criticisms were regarding her corporate leanings, behaving like a wannabe corpo (when she’s clearly not) and trying to get V to behave like a corpo(like her) to cut out their fixer. When the game makes it very clear why you should not fuck with Fixers, i.e.: every gig given to us that’s about getting back at a merc who botched a job, thus screwing over their fixer, or Rogue telling you why she doesn’t have a job for you because its suspicious due to your whole crew (Dex, T-bug. Jackie), dying.

I used crude language because the base metaphor is crude itself. The base metaphor literally being “stop sucking the corporate cock”. The only other metaphor that could have sufficed was bootlicker, but given it’s not a government, military, or strictly police organization she’s bending over backwards to support/be like, that metaphor didn’t fit. So i went with the corporate cock one instead, only left out the “cock” bit and leaned on cum guzzler for the same effect.

Now, it’s a huge assumption you, and others, are making that I hadn’t thought about how it would reflect on sexual assault victims, given I am one. As if that is an unfortunate thing about my past that I could ever forget for the rest of my existence. But treating all sexual assault victims and SWs like they cannot also be perpetrators of privilege due to their connections to corporate overlords, is a huge disservice.

Not to mention there is such a thing as intersectionality. And while Evelyn may be a sexual assault victim, SW, and a woman, she is also one enjoying immense monetary privilege due to her corporate connections and her pale skinned features. Such privileges that the VBDs, and especially Madam Brigitte (a black woman of immigrant status) do not have. Now I won’t make this about race because I don’t know what race Evelyn is (despite that I’m sure most people will default her to white), but I sure as fuck can make this about colorism and pale skin preferences.

Additionally, as a former SW still in contact with SWs across the globe, both former coworkers and new acquaintances- this is literally the sort of crude language we use to refer to ourselves and with each other - both in amicable/friendly situations and when insulting each other. Of course we do use more high brow “intellectual” language, but we don’t judge each other on which sort of language we use. We certainly also don’t tone police when airing valid criticisms of someone’s flaws or issue-some behaviors, tendencies, actions, and privileges they enjoy.

Now if you felt gross. That’s a valid reaction to have. Just as the ones who felt hurt by the words, which I did sincerely apologized (I used the phrase “I’m sorry I hurt you” both taking responsibility that I hurt them and not shifting the blame onto them but accepting it as my fault - but I also stated I wouldn’t change it because I don’t believe in removing evidence of mistakes.). And if the person who had an issue with my criticism had simply said it was triggering language, I would have been more than happy to tag the post appropriately as “crude language” so they can filter it out. Hell it’s in my Before You Follow post as a practice (guess that person doesn’t take warnings seriously). So that on top of my thoughts being under a read more so you’re not bombarded with it, it is also tagged with a blockable tag (which btw I did add the tag “crude language”, on top of originally posting it with evelyn critical).

And my proclamation on ��it’s fictional”, is because... evelyn is fictional... why are you (not you nonnie, but that person) attacking a real person over what they think about a fictional character? Why are you attacking a real person over how they reacted to a fictional character?

If I had made my post and put a proclamation stating anyone who supported evelyn due to her actions was a bad person, this would be a different story. I would have earned the ire. But I didn’t...because I wasn’t using my thoughts and my reaction to a fictional character to attack anyone, any of her fans, or any of her supporters. (Long time followers will know I fucking hate this practice in fandom spaces).

All I did was put out what my thoughts, completely unrelated to anyone real, on a post, with tags warning what it was about and that you could block, and under a read more.

That’s like getting mad at reading noncon smut on ao3 because you failed to read the work was tagged with Explicit and Noncon.

Ridiculous.

As is this whole situation.

#cyberpunk 2077 fandom critical #fandom critical #fandom wank #fandom bullshit #evelyn parker critical #CONTENT WARNING: crude language

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