#tagging spoilers just in case. I feel like maybe I didn't get them all

[wr3nns]

sometimes I think about isolated magical blonde kids raised by main-antagonist emotional manipulators. And then I think about their little creature companions, and the dark-haired person who helps them break out of their confinement.

[anundyingfidelity]

FOR ALL TIME, ALWAYS – Loki x female reader

Summary: Loki escapes the TVA for a moment. Desperate and brokenhearted, he looks for you, his wife, in the Sacred Timeline. Even if you saw him die ten years ago.

Word count: 3.9k.

Warnings: LOTS of angst, some fluff, spoilers of Loki series in general. Language. Maybe I'm not getting how the branches work oops. This is right after the end of 2x02 and before 2x03. My English is also a warning, just in case.

Notes: while looking on the tags I checked a post of someone asking for a TVA Loki fic where he finds the reader but her Loki died in IW (not canon in my head btw). So I wrote it because is such a great idea, but I can't find the original post... ;-; anyway hope you like this!

☕ if you like my writing, support me with a ko-fi !

GEN MASTERLIST!

It's harder to stay...

Wasn't this situation hard enough? Sylvie was right. She had a point. But Loki wanted to do the right thing. Maybe he would find a chance... Again, right? Probably he would make the proper decisions this time.

The TVA was already fucked up, and with it, the thousands of timelines and lives in danger within them. Sometimes, it looked like it didn't matter. In the end, they were trying to fix something that was already broken.

Loki let out a deep breath he didn't realise was holding and walked to talk directly to his partner, Mobius.

"I need a favor," Loki mumbled, so the grey-haired man would be the only person to hear his voice.

Mobius met his eyes. He knew that gaze, it meant he was up to something. "What kind of favor?"

The god motioned Mobius to step away from the newly acknowledged variants and far away from what B-15 was witnessing. The branches were pruned from the whole existence; thousands and millions of lifes lost to the void in just the blink of an eye. Loki knew he had to do something before it got worst. Something for himself.

"I need to go the Sacred Timeline," Loki announced.

"Are you nuts?" Mobius scolded, in the same low voice tone Loki had used.

"Is just- listen, it's something I have to do. I really need to go back there. Need to see someone, make sure everything is okay," Loki insisted.

During all the times Loki showed he was desperate, Mobius was sure this was the peak of all of them. He wasn't explaning more than necessary, he looked serious, and his voice was crisp. Loki knew what he wanted at that moment. Mobius sighed, his hands finding the pockets of his pants, unsure of Loki's request.

"So it's personal..."

"A little, yeah," Loki nodded.

"Promise it'll be quick," Mobius said, taking off the TemPad from his pocket and his hand stopped in the air before the object could lay in the god's grip. "Don't make me regret this."

"I won't."

2029, Sacred Timeline

When Loki arrived to his destination, the nerves got the best from him. New York looked no different from the last time he was there. Shifting his usual clothes he wore at the TVA, he chose a plain suit to go undercover, or at least decided he would try to, considering he was a criminal once in Midgard.

But as he walked through the halls of the familiar building he met decades ago, he didn't really care. He longed for something else. Better say, someone. And it was you.

You, who met him in the past right after Thor's banishment, and even helped him to find the Teseract, only to give up to SHIELD and those idiots that people called 'The Avengers'. Of course his heart hurted for a long time, but Loki tried to deny the feelings blooming inside and instead, he just decided to walk away from you, even if that meant hurting you. It was the best.

At least that was what he believed until he checked further his file; the file that Mobius had prepared for him. His life. Even after what he did to your people and planet, you still held no grudges. And Thor was good enough to seek for yours and the sorcerer's, Stephen Strange, help once Hela appeared in their lives.

Loki would never forget the loving look in your beautiful eyes when you saw him again, after years of parting ways. He really paid attention to you while watching his file, and he found there was only love, protection, and care in you. All for him. Someone who didn't deserve it, he thought.

He felt grateful at least he had the pleasure to enjoy happiness for a moment. Even if that meant Asgard was destroyed. Loki already lost his mother, his father, and he almost lost his brother. He couldn't stand losing you either. The simple idea of living without you - even if he didn't know you further than your Loki did - was unbearable pain.

So while in the ship on the way to Midgard with the asgardians and survivors of the Ragnarok, you held a cozy, small wedding when he asked you to marry him. This was one of the parts Loki would replay again and again from his file, with disbelief that he was actually happy and joyful, enjoying a good time with you, his brother, and all the asgardians who survived. Loki felt full of hope after your wedding, thinking fate had better things to come with you as an oficial part of his life.

Unfortunately, it didn't last long, thanks to the Mad Titan. As his steps got near your door, the memory of his brother and your figure mourning on his lifeless body appeared on his mind. It was an image he couldn't erase that easily. Probably, he would never forget that was his original destiny all the way. That was meant to be. And for now, he could not change it.

Loki stopped outside your apartment. He took a deep breath and raised his shaking hand to reach the doorbell. He waited for a moment, not knowing if seconds or minutes went by, it felt eternal. Until the door opened and he saw you.

The bright smile you had on your lips faded away. Your eyes flooded with tears, your forehead was furrowed, and still, Loki thought you were the most beautiful creature in all the Nine Realms.

"Hi..." Loki barely whispered, his eyes were glossy and a single tear also ran down his pale cheek.

You were clearly in shock. You wanted to get closer and finally touch him, to feel him physically. But even if you wanted to move to take his hand to confirm it wasn't a trick of your ruined mind, your body was stiff and your feet were glued to the ground.

"Is this an illusion?" you trembled.

All Loki could do was shaking his head, before muttering. "No..."

"Loki, I saw you die..."

Tears ran down your face, denying to yourself that this was real. That this was really happening to you. And your mind started to wonder all the possible scenarios and reasons on why him, the god of mischief, the only person you loved dearly with all your mind, body and soul, was standing right in front of your door even if he was gone for you... Long gone now. And that couldn't be undone.

"I know you did, my love."

You tried to smile, even a little bit, as he pronounced those words so dearly. Loki came closer to your figure, carefully placing a trembling hand on your cheek, feeling the tears flowing on your skin. You leaned into his touch, with a simpering smile. Such was the effect you had on him, that a silly smile he also had on his lips.

And you realized Loki was so real... His touch, his heat, his smile, his scent, the way he would hold you... Everything about him was exactly as you remembered. You felt his lips brushing softly against yours, gentle and hesitant, and instantly, you melted into a slow kiss, sure knowing that Loki would taste the salt of your tears running down your face. Leaning in closer as the space between would allow you, you savoured each second your breaths allowed, longing to remain right there for eternity. For all time. Always.

"But now I am here... and I can explain," he whispered once you separated your lips from his in the sweetest way.

You let out a soft chuckle. "Mind to enlighten me, oh, god of mischief?"

Finally you guided him inside your apartment. That old apartment Loki saw his other self visiting a couple of times before you were something. It still had your vibe around it and he loved it. He felt like he was at home after a very long time. Once you closed the door, his arms wrapped around your figure, and you let yourself cry, pressing against his chest and with a tight grip of your hands on his coat.

"You don't have any idea of how much I have missed you all these years," you sobbed and his heart shrank on his chest. "I kept wishing every night and every day to be me instead of you."

"My love," he said softly, separating a little and cupping your cheeks with his warm hands. His eyes were red now because of the tears he was holding back again. "Don't say that... It was supposed to happen."

"What?" you mumbled.

Your hands found his wrists and you pulled his palms away from your cheeks. However you kept the contact with him, you just needed to touch him, to feel he was in the flesh. He was alive right now, wasn't he?

"Look, I am not your Loki. I know what you did, what the Avengers did after Thanos-" his voice broke just a bit but he continued. "I know everything. I just couldn't resist knowing there was someone for me, out there in the Nine Realms, capable to love me for who I am," Loki explained as he watched your face. Was it disappointment? Confusion? He didn't know, but he had to tell you the truth.

Your voice came out as a barely audible whisper. "So... you are saying... you're another Loki? Another him?"

He nodded softly. "I am." Loki thought for a moment on how to explain everything, but he just went for what his heart felt it was right. "It's a little complicated. I did something that wasn't supposed to be, and perhaps will sound like I'm insane, but thanks to that I am kind of trapped in time. With an organization that is not what everyone thought it was, hence a multiverse was created. Sponsored by another me, by the way. You are in what is called the Sacred Timeline, where things flow as how they were supposed to since forever. And I just needed to see you after I found out you were the love of my life."

You took a moment to understand everything he said, wishing that his fate would have been different from what originally happened. Loki gave his best, even in the last worst moments, he was changing for good. For you. For Thor... It wasn't fair.

"Your death was supposed to be then?"

"Yes, it was."

"Oh, Loki," you cried. "You know what, I don't care what's happened. I'm just- I feel happy seeing you here... Please tell me everything you've been through. I want to hear your voice again, to know you're with me right now, to feel you near... I'm not crazy, am I?" you chuckled between tears and Loki curved his lips in a smile, wiping your tears from your face with his thumbs.

Loki granted your wish and explained everything, answering every question you had about the lies of the TVA; the files he found out were his whole life; about Sylvie, Mobius and his variants. He spilled all you wanted to hear, asking like a child, until you understood what was happening. You noticed he truly had changed, just like your Loki did when he reunited with Thor before the Ragnarok took over Asgard. It was a bittersweet feeling however, thinking how much they they seemed to each other. They were the same person after all, but this Loki didn't had the chance to continue his path as it was supposed to.

Taking his hand into yours, you leaned towards him and laid down your head on his shoulder while you both sat comfortable in the couch, just enjoying each others company. Your eyes were dry at this point after crying for what it felt were hours, but his voice helped to soothe you enough.

"I'm glad knowing you have someone like Mobius by your side," you said after a quiet moment. "He sounds like a very good friend," you looked at him, waiting for an answer. "Because that's what he is to you, right?"

"He is a great friend, I'm not alone if that is what is troubling you," Loki affirmed.

You let out a sigh. "That is totally a relief to me."

Loki chuckled softly, leaning to leave a kiss on your hair. "Now you've heard everything about me, would I hear something from you?"

"I'm just a mortal, Loki," you smiled. "Doing the normal shit, not the superhero stuff anymore. I am hating my pretty much normal office job every day; I feed the birds when I go outside at the park, also thinking about adopting a cat or a dog... Maybe a dog."

"Or you could do both."

"Yeah, I might. But my place isn't that big for pets. Sometimes I feel like I'm too alone, very much alone... I would love to have a big farm, or a cabin in the mountains with lots of plants, pets and animals to take care of." The idea did sound good for Loki. Hopefuly you could find peace that way. "Do you remember Pepper?" you said, straighting up on the couch to look at him. He nodded. "Well, after Tony died I still visit her and their daughter, Morgan. She is ten years old, could you believe it?" Loki noticed the sorrow and pain you still carried after all those years of losing your friends, your people... "And I've been missing you and mourning you for ten years as well."

"It's not your fault."

"I know, Loki."

"Do whatever is the best for you, my dear... I would have loved to be here with you now, as the Loki from the Sacred Timeline."

You smiled, but it was a sad smile. "Well, either way, you're here now. It's all that matters to me."

Once again, you shared a loving kiss and took his hand to walk to the kitchen, asking him to take a seat in your breakfast bar, glad he decided to search for you in one of your free days. Otherwise, you would have surely missed his visit. But he was looking for you. Probably Loki would have found you anywhere at this point.

You talked some more while you had some tea and ate some cookies that you saved for special days on the shelfs. The afternoon was pleasant, and this was your turn to speak. Loki, coat long gone, was catching up with you and he asked every single thing about your life now. He smiled more than ever, laughed more than you have ever seen, and it was certainly something you could get used to from now on. Knowing you never continued your life with another person made his heart ache though. However, Loki was no one to blame. He would have done the same thing. No other was like you, no one would have replaced you.

"It's my decision," you finally said, reading his face like an open book. "I have loved you, I love you now and I will love you forever."

He took your hand, lacing your fingers with his. "I know..."

"The day we married you gave me a ring. I always have it with me, today I'm not working, but I use this necklace with your ring," you searched for the necklace hiding inside your shirt and taking it off, you showed him the precious jewel hanging on a fine golden chain. The ring he recognized once was from his mother. "I want you to have it."

"No,I can't-"

"But this is what I want. I know I would have to forget, because you will make me forget about this. About you, coming here, risking everything just to see me. So please, take it."

Loki knew you had made a decision, but then if he left, taking your memories away about this day, what was left for you? He had nothing, and it was okay. He would still know he came to the Sacred Timeline; that he kissed you, that you shared a moment together, that you still loved him. But you will have none of that. And you, as human as you were, would die without the memories and without the ring. You would have nothing and he was sure couldn't bear it.

"Perhaps I can have something else to remember you, I want you to keep this ring as a promise," he closed your hand around the necklace. "My promise that I still love you and I will do it. Forever."

And you sighed, taking the necklace back with a smile. Always so stubborn. "Give me a moment."

Loki saw you leave the kitchen for some minutes. While he was alone, he noticed the sunset through the windows, as it was almost ending to welcome the dark sky around the city. He knew he had to go soon. As much as he didn't want to and the simple thought of runing away was starting to hurt him deep inside.

When you arrived, you stood by his seat on the breakfast bar, putting a small photograph, perfect for a passport, on the surface. It was all in black and white, and you looked what you thought it was nice. Loki took it between his hands, lovingly and with a proud smile on his face.

"I used that when I was taking my Master's degree. Looks pretty decent," you joked.

Loki laughed, tears right at the corner of his eyes. "It's more than that. It's perfect."

His smile faded, knowing this meant he had to leave you again. Loki wasn't supposed to have a happy ending, was he? How he wished to stay there by your side.

You kissed his cheek as a sort of goodbye and comfort at the same time, noticing the sudden change on his face and whispered softly. "So you don't search for me on those files."

"Thank you, love."

Loki got on his feet to put his coat on, like some sort of mental preparation before leaving your apartment and the Sacred Timeline. He saved your photograph on his pocket securely along with Mobius' TemPad, pretending to be strong and swallowing all the pain he was feeling right at that moment. You took his hand, lacing your fingers together one last time and walked until you stood there, in the middle of your living room. He looked at you with loving eyes, trying to save your face and your figure before returning to where he was supposed to be now. And it seemed like time had stopped, as everything Loki could see and feel was you and only you.

"I guess is time now," you began, interrupting his mind.

"I guess it is," Loki nodded, expecting an answer from you. Anything. But it never came. You were also trying to save the moment as much as you could.

So he cupped your cheeks, feeling for the last time your warm, soft skin against his palms. He didn't want to talk, because if he would have said something, it meant you were really saying goodbye forever. What Loki didn't know is that you felt the same thing.

Was there something good to say to your lover, whose destiny was just to bring the best from other people with his cruelty and chaos? To the man who had learn to make things better and, in the end, died trying to protect his people and his wife? Was there anything out there that would bring the god of mischief the happiness and love you always knew he deserved? With these branches and multiverse thing, you hoped deep in your heart there was a universe where he found what he longed for so long. This was just one of many of them. Probably he was happy and living in peace in some others.

"I love you, Loki," you mumbled. He caressed your skin with his thumbs and wiped the small tears that were running on your cheeks.

"I love you too."

Loki leaned to kiss you one last time. You welcomed the kiss with shut eyes, savouring his lips and the taste of your tears, mixing now with his own.

The pain started to bloom; every heartbeat felt like a sledgehammer pounding against his chest. He was not ready to let you go, so this was all he could do. The seidr flowed from his fingers, the green lights covering your body with the help of the spell he casted for you was made to protect you from anything that could get out of hand in the Sacred Timeline, particularly from his own hands, the hands of the TVA, or any other danger that could chase you. Because if something would happen to you due to his stubborn decision, Loki knew he wouldn't forgive himself. What he was sure about though, was that he would still look for you until the end of time.

So when the kiss ended, you fell asleep in seconds. He had to take your sleeping figure with his arms to your bedroom, where he carefully laid you down on the bed. Making sure you were comfortable in your sleep, fixing the pillows and the blankets, Loki remained there, just to take in the serenity emanating from you. It was something you had, the ease and calm your aura projected to everyone in the room. This was the last thing Loki wanted to save from you.

He kissed your forehead and dried the tears on your face before standing up. Once you were to wake up in some hours, you would not be able to know everything was real. Loki made sure you thought it was a dream. So that is what you would have in your head. Something you wished for so long that will only be nothing but thoughts, scenes and emotions that felt absolutely true. As real as life could be.

Loki took the TemPad and opened the timedoor to go back to the TVA, where he knew Mobius would be waiting already since he left for hours. Without looking back to your room, he stepped in and forced to compose himself just in case he would bump into someone else. He sighed, observing through the halls of the headquaters as he made his way back to the room that was assigned to him.

At his door, a worried Mobius was already waiting for him, walking in circles.

"God, Loki I thought you were gone for a second," the analyst breathed out. Loki just handed the TemPad and Mobius took it back. He noticed his weary demeanor and teary eyes. "Thank you. Sorry I doubted you for a second."

"It's fine," Loki shrugged it off, looking for something on his pocket. The photograph slipped from his fingers and fell down to the floor. Mobius was quick enough to pick it up for him, but as he gave it back to his owner he observed it thoroughly.

"So this was the personal thing you did," Mobius said, looking the photograph resting on Loki's hand. He remembered that face from his files.

"Yeah... I guess all set now," Loki sighed.

"Good, I hope you're ready for another trip to the Sacred Timeline." Mobius turned to walk away, deciding it was better to give him some time, but he turned back to Loki before doing so. "And if you're feeling like talking about this any day, only between us, just let me know."

And with that, he walked away. Loki smiled, standing alone outside his door.

You were right. Mobius was a good friend.

[lorei-writes]

You seem genuinely nice in your curiosity, so I thought I'd share my thoughts. Maybe this is not the right approach to how to go about interacting on tumblr, but if I notice that there's a blog that I've interacted with somewhat frequently (whether it be liking/reblogging their posts, sending requests when requests are open, etc) and then I notice that interaction is one-sided (either they don't follow me back, they never ever like or reblog my posts and I see them interacting with many others in fandom so I know they are active), I dunno, but I get the feeling they don't like me or my posts, maybe I post too many spoilers, maybe I flood the tags and my posts are annoying or some other third unknown option - and then it snowballs and I worry I'm annoying others with my comments or reblogs or whatever. And I slow my interaction with others out of fear of not being liked or just plain shyness. And sometimes I have unfollowed them. Because, again, I dunno, but I feel like if they don't want to interact with me, perhaps I should not interact with them? When those posts come across my feed because reblogged by a mutual, I will sometimes read/look at if a suitor I like, but when I see who the op is, I become hesitant with interacting, and end up not interacting at all.

I know, devil's advocate - what if this blogger who didn't interact with me has never seen my blog or any of my posts. That might fly in Genshin or HSR fandoms, but not Ikemen. I think by now most everyone knows each other around here (at least those who have been posting for a while and post regularly/frequently). And I'm not the only one who has experienced this...

Thank you for listening to my rambling.

Thank you for sharing your experience!

Hmm... I must admit, Anon, what you've said has left me somewhat conflicted. I can agree that reaching out to a person repeatedly and the effort not being reciprocated can be disheartening. I do think that in this situation it is reasonable to adjust either your expectations ("I know they may not say anything back, but I did enjoy their work regardless, so I will share it." // no expectations of friendship, interacting with posts for the sake of posts alone) or the amount you give out ("I want to have some relationship with this person and they do not reciprocate, therefore I will decrease the amount of effort I put into this." // expectations of friendship, interactions as means of building relationships).

I can tell you that I do not know of a blogger who hasn't appreciated familiar faces in their notification. (Which isn't to devalue your experience. Maybe you met an outlier, maybe this person simply couldn't show it due to their personal circumstances, maybe they thought they showed it and a mismatch in terms of expectations occurred). I can tell you they shouldn't be taken for granted. But I also can tell you that, in some cases, which I do not know whether they are relevant to you, it is simply impossible to give back to everybody.

My experience is what I know best, so allow me to use that as an example. There's over a thousand people following this blog. I do not know all of you. More than this, I do not know all of the creators in the Ikemen Fandom. When I was primarily into Sen, I had no idea who was creating for Pri and was rather surprised to find out that some of those people were considered "big", as I went entirely without ever seeing their names. Even now that I have been invested into Pri for a year, I still find people I have never heard about before... And I still meet people who have no clue who I am or what I do. Likewise, Villains is a fog for me... As I would suspect the "old fandom" may be for you. So, I don't agree with the "most everyone knows each other around here (at least those who have been posting for a while and post regularly/frequently)" statement.

That aside, sometimes it is unfortunate, but it is simply impossible to give back to everybody. And it does suck. Just, hm... I suppose I'd like you to see me now, as it's something I've been struggling with and had to make my peace about? There is only one me. If "just" a hundred of people appear at any given time, or "just" fifty, it is still more than I can reasonably handle. My friendships with people who moved fandoms haven't dissolved and there are only so many relationships I can support. Reliably replying to everything here? I try. But I know I generally can't give back as much as I've received, or at least not in a personal enough manner. It is just too much for a single me. Due to my health issues I am chronically online -- what about people who have more robust offline lives?

Again, I do not know whether that is relevant for your case. It is only that I think it isn't you, as in it isn't about you being a certain way. The situation may just be a result of those mundane circumstances surrounding us. For me personally, a lot of luck is required to expand my circles in a meaningful manner. Of course, it still does suck in the end! Just maybe in a slightly different flavour.

Thank you for listening to my rambles and best of luck <3

[stikybug]

This is extremely self-indulgent but i'm dumping all of my alexithymic!mc headcanons on the main tag , because her actions and what the characters say about her would be extremely funny considering all of this .

Spoilers for godheim main story under the cut!

MC has had trouble identifying many of her emotions since a young age, she never talked about it to anybody and learned to mask it very well. Her reactions are almost automatic, like they're actually hers.

The first time she really 'felt' the way others did was with the death of her mother. Sorrow, it felt so strong and unfamiliar to her. She had to find an outlet of some kind.

Art was the only time her emotions weren't muddled, but it could be because that itself was an abstraction of her thoughts. She didn't need to particularly parse through them and have many 'what ifs'.

Fast forward to the main story. Meeting the love interests elicits more than just a blunt emotional response. But it can't be called 'affection' just yet.

Godheim.

Mc feels guilty. She wants to return what seems to be some sort of budding affection for Alkaid, but she feels it doesn't last.

She doesn't realise little actions she does REFLECTS that. 'I'm caring for him while he's sick because I feel the strong urge to see him get better. No this isn't romance what are you talking about isn't this normal to feel?'

She feels it doesn't count because it seems to ebb and fade. She has the knawing feeling of wanting to be 'normal' for him. She wants to be better. She can't see the clear worry on her face, she can't see how she almost cries some times for 'unknown' reasons because she misses him.

It's oh so ever worse with Ayn. She would give her life over to him and what he cherishes in a heartbeat. But she feels so awkward when people refer to her as his girlfriend.

She doesn't love him back, probably. It's just an undying loyalty and understanding for him. It's a duty that she wants to fulfill. ( Why she wants to do it is completely lost on her. )

She thinks she's faking her care, for him, for the residents of the rat cave. It just doesn't line up with what she sees herself as. Despite this, she still almost forcefully wills him not to die. Not on her watch. She couldn't stand the thought of seeing him go.

By the time of Lars' route, she opens up to the idea of being closer to him. It was supposed to be an agreement-contract sort of relationship. But going slowly from 'alliance' to sympathy, devotion, and finally; what seems to be inklings of love she cannot do anything about but recognise. Nobody would risk their lives for an agreement alone.

Caring this much felt awful though, too many lives she swore she could have saved... If she was just a bit stronger, if she just reacted quicker. Maybe nobody would have to lose anything. All she could give was an attempt to comfort Lars during this time.

And while she went through the motions, she wondered... Maybe staying here would be alright? Maybe she could be his bride, or at the very least die beside him.

It was actually a laughable idea to her if you said she would feel something for Archmage Clarence. Anything other than annoyance or mild sympathy would be hard to elicit.

Him? The person who keeps picking fights with her? The person who insists on locking her up? That despite all her warnings decides that killing her is the best option? That Archmage Clarence?

She's interested in him when she spends more time in the Magi tower, unfortunately. He has his own motivations, he has someone he cares for.

She feels an unexplainable sadness at the true end of the magi. If it could happen to that little girl, how many more then would still meet that fate?

When she's actually faced with it in the end, she wants to start crying there. She can't, she can't cry in front of the man that only wants to see her live happily in the end.

The feeling persists, the memory of his is engraved in her mind forever.

Now Cael is an interesting case. She's not sure whether or not he could see right through her.

After everything in godheim, looking at him almost feels disconcerting. They share the same eyes, she never knew why she couldn't recognise that look in his eyes sooner.

Apathy. A cold heart. One that can't care or truly love anybody else.

Well, that's his words, not hers. But she can't bring herself to believe that. There's something like affection in the way he treats her, there's the warmth of blood so similar to everybody else.

So she says that, because she sincerely believes he's more than he thinks he is.

She still hesitates to call him, because one day he might tell her the same thing, and she wouldn't be able to deal with that.

...But maybe, they could figure out what the meaning of love is one day. And then they'll realize they were holding onto it all along.

[paris-geller-was-straightwashed]

okay, so, spoiler alert: I actually haven't seen the season final bc I'm canadian. in canada we get rez dogs from disney +, and for some reason, s3 came out weeks later then it did in the states. so I'm only on the episode with cheese camping with the uncles (which was a sweet episode!), but, because I can't help myself, I've been snooping in the tags anyway for ppl's reactions. and, unfortunately, I found out about jackie/bear.

honestly, I'm usually not surprised by forced m/f romances when it comes to tv/movies just bc of how often they happen. but, this to me is more crushing - because unlike all the other times, I was given a bit of hope. that's what makes this so frustrating. one, because of the dynamics with jackie/bear vs jackie/elora which I'll get into in a second, but namely - because these are good writers. that's what makes this show so special; all the relationships are well built and organic (or organtic, as big would say) and are properly developed along with the show. you can really see how the characters care and fit in with each other, bc the writers have cared about them and the dynamics. which is why jackie/bear makes no sense, as does the complete drop-off of elora and jackie's dynamic.

while I'm gaming for more queer relationships, I'm actually not against a m/f couple if they're developed well (take 'the good place', for example) and the characters genuinely care for each other. so, my question is, given all this and how well the writers have done with all the other relationships -

if jackie was inevitably going to end up with bear, why does her story start with elora?

granted, it starts with the whole rez dogs gang and bear getting beat-up, but we don't actually start to see jackie as a character until she starts interacting with elora. we have so many moments, where you can see, how jackie pays specific attention to elora. from the very moment jackie approaches her, saying she 'knows' that her friends aren't seeking escape as badly as she is and, quite literally, shoots her shot by saying that if elora changes her mind, she knows where to find her. giving elora her knife, asking about daniel, confirming with elora after getting home that they were going to try again for california together, texting her after the incident at the youth program with willie-jack to say sorry and ask 'what are you up to?', and especially that moment when she steps aside to tell elora to be safe going to cali with the rez dogs and elora assuring her they'd be back, these extra two seconds where you see a longing look.. there was such specific tiny details that would give off how much, maybe, jackie really cared about elora. perhaps now, we could just say this was all a showing of jackie being lonely and wanting friends, but if that's the case, then why not do this with bear???

that's my problem with the bear thing - there was no build up. sure, they had their moments, like the potato dance and falling asleep on each other and whatnot, but, maybe this was just me, it didn't feel especially significant? starting with the potato dance, I thought they were just building the pathway for jackie to be enveloped into the group and that this was the way to make up for jackie and those other kids hurting bear; it honestly wasn't giving me anything else. and even bear wasn't reacting any which way to jackie in the beginning, besides with animosity and maybe some nervousness. they really just didn't like each other. and even as the show went on, that didn't change much; they clearly became friendlier (ie jackie texting bear about his mom), but going into s3, we didn't get those special moments between like we did with elora.

straight up, jackie didn't pay half the attention to bear as she did elora, (besides maybe singling him out to beat him up but even that was with others). jackie singles out elora specifically, and even when they return home, continues to stay by elora and be invested in her and a possible friendship/relationship, showing it was never really about her needing elora's as a get-away ride. jackie is open and almost soft with elora; with bear she's resistant and gruff, and even when the two groups are cool with each other, they seem to just get on each other's nerves, ie the scene in 'friday.' yeah sure 'opposites attract' or whatever, but if that's what you're going to do, then there has to be some merit to it when it comes to writing a story (also, I am so sick of the 'boy and girl are constantly arguing and seem to hate each other hahaha bet they're gunna be married in ten years' trope). whichever one you ship, the big thing is that if it was going to end in romance, why was it written this way? elora/jack seemed so intentional that even I fell for it, and bear/jackie seemed hastily chopped together without any emotional weight or appeal to it - and yet it played out in the exact opposite on screen.

there's no point to this post. I'm just confused. I feel a lot of disappointment bc it's almost like these writers know better, know how to write organic relationships, and then while they appeared to be building one, suddenly threw it away for another without much structure behind it.

someone make it make sense.

edit: ppl in the notes saying there was no confirmation of jackie/bear, so just to clear this up, I'm, again, going on what I've HEARD. and what I heard, was that there's a scene where the rez dogs + jackie are saying goodbyes to the adults - at some point, bear lifts up his hair, exposing two hickies on his neck, and then - either before or after, it was unclear - when jackie is hugging rita goodbye, rita playfully whispers to her to 'go easy on his [bear's] neck' while jackie looks a bit embarrassed. once more, this is just what I've heard has happened, from multiple different posts, and frankly even if they don't announce the relationship by having them kiss or something, it's clear enough as the audience what we're suppose to pick up on.

[akielzx]

Hello, May I request a onshot including cuddles with Johann Chu at night? Ty. <3

YESYESY I LVOE JOHANN VERRY MUCH, OUR 'ROBOT' BOYYY also HELP IM SORRY I FORHOT I HAD THIS IN MY DRAFTS

bro i'm so sorry i had this in my drafts i think for a month, i'll then write the other submission later :sob:

maybe i just wanna be yours ！✦

＃；oneshot, johann chu x reader

tags // just tad bit spoiler (the info abt shavee in the chat n all and only that i think, maybe also abt his dad), comfort, slight misunderstanding but it's fine in the end, understandings, johann bby muah muah, also johann might be a bit ooc so bear with me, this is kinda long [keyword: kinda]

johann chu wasn't the one to be expressive of his feelings, and understand his feelings. hence why he felt bemused about [name], they certainly made a huge imprint on him.

yet shavee had also had an impact on him. but [name]'s case was slightly different. even if he had missed an opportunity to have her, it was okay now. he was healing a bit.

when they were chatting and johann had slipped this information to [name] and some other emotional turmoil, he yet puts training first once again.

nonetheless, all was well in the end. it was night and johann thought of something. [name] was doing quite well in their training, but he heard from a little birdy that they weren't quite doing well in draconic history.

maybe stress was getting to them? either way, as their senior, he felt obligated to help them out. it wasn't in a negative light, but he somehow felt like it.

as they were conversing, he then brought up their history course. [name] surprisingly did mention how they were struggling to understand a little and he offered to help them.

they asked where the both of them should go and he bluntly said at his dorm. [name] was confused at first why they wouldn't be doing it at the library.

he simply said it might be a bit troublesome for them as to referring to the girls that swooned over him, even if some girls do have self-control, he still didn't want to risk it.

and he wanted to spend more time with [name] not in training. he wanted to know more about them. miscellaneous things would suffice.

as the day passed, it was finally the time they decided to meet up that johann proposed. he asked [name] to meet him at the basketball court so he could escort them to his dorm.

when they finally came, he started to escort [name]. it was a bit awkward at first, given how the girls they passed by would look at them in envy.

[name] would try and flip them off by either going to scratch their cheek, getting something out of their eyes, or tucking their hair behind their ear using the middle finger.

but johann caught on and said that it doesn't matter and just ignore them for the best. they slightly grumbled, but begrudgingly complied as he is their senior and they didn't want to hear a lecture from a certain someone.

johann sighed, slightly amused but it went unnoticed. as soon as they entered the lionheart's club base, there susie was. she exchanged words with johann until she spotted [name].

she then asked if they were going to join, but johann answered for [name] that they were just looking around and dismissed susie. that made them confused, but thankful either way for their senior for answering for them.

he then led [name] to his dorm, and there they both discussed where they were struggling a bit. they shyly confessed that even tho they could've said that they would just research it, they were thankful for his help.

they can, but it was much more understandable if someone was there teaching it because they could get their possible unanswered questions answered.

johann nodded understanding. it is preferred that most should have a study group so there's a chance someone knows the subject they're studying and can answer simple questions.

as time passed, [name] started to understand more. they scribbled in their notebook while listening to johann. "so.. only the light king, priest- 'inazami' possessed equal power to nidhogg?"

johann nodded, confirming the statement was true, [name] scribbled again and continued, "but she also failed to rebel and renounce his position.. right?"

"yes. you are correct, i must say i am impressed by you..- not only you are quite the fast learner when we train, but also a good listener." [name] scratched their head a bit, "eh.. haha. it's just that i- wait no, you're a good guide and tutor is all.."

'and i like hearing your voice..' [name] felt a bit awkward and looked at the time, it was getting a bit late. they then start to stand up from their comfortable position.

johann was a bit confused at this sudden action, he still wanted to ask some questions. the not-too-personal ones. he couldn't think straight this time and grabbed [name]'s wrist.

"where.. are you going?"

[name]'s eyes widened a bit and looked at him.

"johann?"

his grip on [name] wavered a bit, his action seemingly getting him off-guard. he then loosened his grip and backed away. he pondered about something.

"..i don't know what this feeling is… i feel a sense of euphoria when i see you or… sometimes everything's better when you're here."

"huh?" [name] looked at him dumbfoundedly.

"i'm really glad you're here, but at the same time, i'm not because i'm scared. i'm scared i might lose you too."

"johann senpai? what are you-"

"i hope you know how much you mean to me. i wish you could see in you what i see in you."

[name]'s eyes widen at the sudden statement. they stood in their place shocked. "i… i don't understand you johann.." they ask, their brows furrowing in confusion.

"i don't either. but.."

"i'll hear you out on this. but i don't want it to be too long."

"..why?"

"…"

johann looked at [name] in anticipation, yet they stayed quiet. he asked once again, and [name] suspired.

"because… i don't want to make more assumptions and fall harder."

"why would you fall harder..?-"

"johann senpai, i've had harboured feelings for you. it feels off sometimes. i don't know if- if it's okay given your circumstance and mine."

he looked at [name] expectantly, yet stunned. he didn't expect his junior to also like him. but his brows furrowed. when [name] decided to speak once more, as he had an unanswered question.

"it's not just an infatuation i have for you, it's not just any epitome that i admire. but the way, you are you senpai. i've never loved anyone the way i love you before..''

[name] then took a deep breath before continuing.

"i'd accept your flaws in any way possible, i'd try and understand you better with how you act and maybe i understand.. but i don't. i don't understand how you feel about me. i appreciate you for you-"

"and i do too."

the sudden intervention has [name] stunned. they decided to look at johann, just to see him furrowing his eyebrows. his grasp went back to [name]'s wrist and slightly pulled them closer, but not harshly.

"i like spending time with you. it's nice. i feel calmer when i’m with you. it’s weird. i never thought i could feel like this, but you showed up. now, it’s like i don’t wanna go on knowing i might lose the feeling. and i might end up losing you."

[name]'s hands slightly quivered as his voice wavered. he felt their hands slightly shaking and he held it with the hand he grasped their wrist with.

"..are you okay [name]?.."

[name]'s breath hitches for a bit before taking a deep breath from their mouth and shaking their head, "yeah.. i'm- i'm fine johann."

"no. you aren't fine, did.. did i say something wrong perhaps..?"

johann squeezed their hand gently and rubbed circles on it, this action made [name] tense but relaxed a bit after they snapped out of their trance.

"wha- no!- no, you didn't. i just-"

johann took both of [name]'s hands and held them close to his chest, making the both of them close to each other, but not too close.

"i'm sorry if that caught you off-guard. i just couldn't-"

he was cut off as [name] hugged him and nuzzled their head close. they hummed to themselves and hugged him tighter,

"i like spending time with you too.."

"..then spend the night with me"

"of course."

-

ok bro i know that wasnt really cuddling but man idk :sob: thats all you get please accept it p;ease. im beiggin you

[bsd-verse]

Okay so I have a new theory of Fyo's ability, hints specifically coming from chapter 107 and the Dead Apple, and I feel like it's better than my previous one (in terms of making sense) and which might be connected to what I'm going to explain. By the way, I'm not exactly sure if it's been said by another person, so feel free to tell me if this was made before.

❗️Spoiler warning in case.

So looking through the last panel of the newest chapter, we are soon to learn about what Fyodor's ability is or maybe his backstory. The fandom has been coming up with many different theories about his own. And now that we might get an answer finally, let's firstly take a look at this panel.

translation credit

We see Fyodor kind of pissed off in the first one, and later on Sigma says that his ability can activate via touching which we already know, so he asks what his ability is and after a second of studying him, he asks what he is. Interesting enough, to be honest a question I wasn't waiting for. So this leads to my new theory of,

What if Fyodor is half an ability?

Sigma didn't ask who he was, rather asked what he was. As you see, Sigma is created by the book and him asking this was intriguing. Maybe he sensed something about him.

My reasonings as why I think that, in my first theory (which I've tagged in the beginning) I talked about what his possible ability is and why he wants to get rid of ability users. Let's sum it up shortly, so according to my thinking, Fyodor's ability works like the name of it, he only can kill people and perhaps animals, which is a crime, and for the punishment part, he shows how terrible abilities and ability users can be. But he can't kill gifted people like him, I mean the other ability users. So in order to God to erase his sins, he has to get rid of everyone who has one, and even including himself. But with chapter 107's dropping, I feel like it'd slightly -maybe- make sense.

We see in Dead Apple that unlike some others, Fyodor's ability doesn't even fight with him nor he is like others. It's pretty chill and also finishes Fyodor's sentences as well.

And then he becomes one with his ability, as if it was his whole personality, his own self. It's like, as he said, his one self is crime and the other one is punishment. But why wouldn't it affect him? Maybe, it's because he has the whole control of it, perhaps because he isn't human or just halfly, it might be because that's what he is. His crime self can kill whoever he wants, apart from the ability users, and he might have another side as well. He is very smart, manipulative, can show these off to others. That can explain why he didn't get to do anything in Shibusawa's fog. He didn't need to fight himself, if he is half ability and has fully aware of it.

And let's say if it's correct, what would happen if Dazai touched him? I don't know if they ever had a physical contact but maybe? Would it create a singularity? Or maybe that's what Fyodor actually is? There are many questions for that tbh.

Anyways, that was all it. What are your thoughts? Share them with me!

[visionsofmagic]

𓇻 day 4 of  fic days [masterlist] 𓇻

◜  love under cold skin. [connor x f!reader]   ◞  

― video game: detroit: become human

― summary: you were a human who was working with hank anderson and you didn't like androids at all but when connor came into your life, you realized how they had humanity too and you were determined to show this to connor too.

― wc: 2.3k

― warnings&tags: fluff, spoilers from the game, events happens before and after eden club, gun, angsty, touching, no kissing, closeness. that’s all I guess. enjoy! <3

° × ° × ° × ° × ° × ° × ° × ° × ° × ° × ° × ° × ° × ° × ° × ° × ° × ° × °

  it was a cold night at detroit, chilling down the odd feelings you had on your chest about the new famous android who was working on the department with you and hank anderson, one of the people you loved to keep as company – as a close friend.

this specific android had a beautiful name you liked to say aloud unlike in the first times you two met to accomplish the mission of finding deviants killed, escaped or harmed their owners. owners – what a disgusting term you began to find with your close relationships with androids as the cases’ number has increased. neither liking androids nor finding them as enemies of your kind made you had a simple look to them; just some individuals – maybe they had souls like humans did, maybe the whole situation caused because of some errors in their data as most believed – as you had to believe due to being one of the officers who chased them. finding it odd how they had sent an android to chase them with you, it was logical since androids knew other androids better, having same mechanism in mind and soul – if they had one really.

this was something you thought in your first times in the cases, having a dilemma whether to believe those deviants who spoke to you, wanting you to save them not putting them in prisons. then, with time, maybe because of having connor – that famous android in the department, who got your heart and soul without even knowing it, on your side. he was the main reason for you to begin thinking about androids’ conditions completely and in a further aspect. you could see what connor did to both of you and hank anderson, making you question whether to keep up with the cases or not, prisoning androids who couldn’t get help from anyone except their own kinds.

“connor –“ you said from where you stood; lying to your car that stood in front of eden club, the place where a murder case occurred that included androids since the club has put androids for sale – for intimate sections which you found disgusting because being a captain – a civil looking one, you had both good and bad connections in the city and you knew very well people who came here did bad things to androids – even beating them, breaking them, and worse. they did those things believing androids did not have functions to feel any of them. however, the cases showed how they really felt lots of things that made them turn into deviants and having this knowledge made you gain a certain empathy towards deviants. how could they not try to escape from the disaster life they had under the wings of people who called themselves as their owners but had bad intentions. if they really had souls, if they really were like humans – even if they didn’t have, they were deserving their own rights which they were fighting for.

“yes, y/n?” you heard connor’s gentle voice, making your mind to shut down and only focus on him. he was so innocent – acting like a soldier who only cared for his missions came from upper hands but you wanted to show him how this all was wrong – how he could feel like these deviants and how it wasn’t something bad. it wasn’t. having a soul – this was what he deserved like every android out there. you needed him to feel because of the pure love you had right now, only for him.

“what are you feeling?” it was an odd question, indeed it was, but you wanted to ask it only to see how he would react.

connor’s brown eyes stopped working for a second before moving fast as he looked to your face and his surroundings while lying onto the surface of car beside you, keeping a certain distant to not to disturb you; what a gentleman. his led turned to yellow for a second before staying as blue.

“I can’t feel, y/n,” he said, sounding innocent still. “you know it. androids do not feel anything.”

“they do not or they should not, hmm?” you asked, walking slowly ‘till you stood in front of him, not so close not so distant. connor straighted his posture, not lying onto the car. he made you realized how small you were compare to him. cute.

“what are you referring to, captain?” he liked to call with your first name and as captain, always, and you liked how each of them sounded so cute coming out of his mouth.

shrugging, you said, “I just wanted to decide whether androids are not be able to feel in reality or they just – should not do it – to prevent outcomes that having feelings bring within it.” you pointed out the eden club, “like those ones in there; not to put in a prison just for feeling – like humans do.”

connor looked so confused of your sudden questions. you indeed asked them some odd questions before this case but they never intended to point out your thoughts about androids. you had to avoid questioning what you were doing as they suggested but it was so hard to since your liking of connor was turning to loving one without your control. every day you asked yourself how you could love an android – a forbidden sin in your time but here you were, looking at connor’s both attractive and cute face, watching your own reflection on his brown eyes that directed to your face, making you blush.

“do you believe to deviants?” he asked, sounding curious about your thoughts.

“I don’t know, really,” you said, sighing, “this whole thing is so – complicated. I even don’t know how to feel about them. I just know that their conditions making me feel emphatic and sad because they only seek for rights they deserve.” holding your head, you sighed again.

connor’s hand touched your arm gently, making you turn to him as he was watching you in concern. “are you okay captain?”

you nodded, smiling to ensure him more. you touched his shoulder, trusting the friendship you two had now – which you wanted to turn into something more. squeezzing his shoulder, you said, “I am okay, connor. don’t worry about me.”

his eyes looked at your hand to your eyes again as his led turned to yellow from blue suddenly, staying like a few seconds as yellow. you wondered what that meant. you only knew their led turned to red when they became deviants. maybe you should befriend with another android to ask about this.

hank finally cut your long lasted eye contact which made you melt down because of the beauty connor has held. “cut the act and just move already. I don’t intend to spend my entire night in here.”

smirking, you turned to hank, taking your hand back from connor’s shoulder as his hand left your arm. “and I thought what we missed tonight; the beautiful complaint of lieutenant anderson.”

“ha ha, y/n.” he said, pointing out the club, “let’s move.”

and with that, a long night which would make you realize something more with the rest of team because of the following events in the eden club.

° ° °

the world seemed upside down. the gun hank was holding on his hand, directed to connor who was staying still – not having any specific emotion on his face, and you – trying to make hank put the gun down.

“hank!” you shouted to him, “put the gun down. don’t make this any worse than it already has.”

hank smirked, turning to you for a moment to say, “it can not be any worse than this y/n.” then, turning to connor again who looked at your concerned face with a – sad look in his face as you believed.

“tell me connor,” hank said, “are you afraid of death?”

what hank was doing was a horrible thing but the question he asked was also something you wondered after connor spared two deviants in the eden club at previous hours of the night which caused hank to drove to the bridge of the city, to clear both his and your mind as well as connor’s who looked so – lost, making you feel concerned and sad about him, wanting to help him. believing hank’s father figure more, you allowed him to talk with connor first but now he was holding a gun and it wasn’t helping at all.

before connor could give an answer to hank’s question, your body and soul acted before your mind could comprehend, standing in front of the connor, making hank’s gun directed to you.

hank looked shocked because of your sudden brave and unexpected move and connor’s hand placed on your arms to make you move but you stood still, talking to hank with a determined manner. “shoot if you want hank, but not him.”

“y/n –“ connor’s concerned voice made your heart ache but you stood like that, not giving any fear away.

“what are you doing?” hank asked, sounding both angry and confused. “you’re protecting him? you know he can’t die.”

“yet he doesn’t deserve to die.” you smiled as hank’s determination to shoot connor was decreasing its power with your speech. “me or him, it doesn’t matter – it doesn’t make a difference. we are the same.”

that made hank looked surprised again but only for a slight moment. you knew he thought and felt the same as you do; it didn’t matter to shoot you or connor, in the end, it meant killing someone – a human, not an android even if connor was denying it still with all of his personality. while looking at hank’s face, connor’s hands tightened its grip as his cold breath hit your ear, making your body shake with delight. “y/n, please,” he said, sounding very concerned than before, “I don’t want you to get harm because of me.”

he was so innocent. the world didn’t deserve him at all. cyberlife didn’t deserve an innocent soul like him. and you determined to show this to connor. you promised that you would show it to him – making him realize how he had a soul – a really good one and he could show it – have it, not fearing of becoming a deviant because in the end, all of the androids deserved it beginning with connor.

hank looked at connor, to you, and to connor again. deciding finally, he put his gun down, saying, “see you tomorrow.” to you, and leaving your side as he made his way to his car.

the moment he left, you turned to connor whose hands stood remain ‘till your turn which made you feel so wonderful to feel him more, in a gentle way like always.

“connor,” you said, touching his cheek as his eyes focused on your face, jumping a little due to the touch you gave to him, especially from this close for the first time. “are you okay?” you asked, genuine in your voice.

furrowing, he asked in return, “are you really okay?” he sighed, “you shouldn’t do it. even if hank shot me, I would come back. cyberlife would transfer my –“

“connor,” you said, caressing his cheek. “don’t think like this. coming back to life again doesn’t mean you deserve to die. no, not at all. you deserve to live. you deserve to feel.”

you smiled delicately while connor was trying to understand you more with each word you expressed, “I know what dilemma you have now and I am here to help. hank is here too even if he acts – well, rude sometimes. he and I care about you.”

“you –“ connor tried to say, “you care about me?”

nodding to him, so certain, you said, “of course connor. we care about you – I care about you.” your hand on his cheek moved from there to his neck as the other one placed on his left shoulder, hugging him, feeling him so close – pure euphoria. “so, don’t get into danger like that again because I feel so – sad. you wouldn’t want me be sad, would you?”

hugging you back after a certain time, he said to your ear, “no, I wouldn’t.”

smiling to yourself widely enough to make your mouth hurt, knowing he couldn’t see, the fact that connor had humanity – a soul under his skin as well hit you. it wasn’t an impossible case, no, it was something would happen very soon – maybe sooner than you thought thanks to your support for him.

leaving him finally, you nodded, “then, we agreed.”

connor nodded too, not speaking aloud but from the sparkles he had on his brown eyes, you could see how happy he was – how good he was at the moment, having you and hank on his side. mostly, you, of course as you realized with his delicate touches on your face, the first time he touched you so closely – not you touching him, but he touching you with his own willingness.

“connor –“ a low sigh escaped from your lips, sounding like a low moan of his name, giving your face the color of red due to being ashamed.

“I am not afraid of death, y/n,” he said, looking at every feature of your face, making you blush more. “but I believe I am afraid of losing – you.” a confess from him that made your world turn upside down once again but in a wonderful way this time. as your heart beats were running from one after, fast enough to make you leave breathless, connor added to his heart warming speech, “I can die for a thousand time only to prevent yours. so, never do that again.”

smiling happily, you nodded even though your mind couldn’t believe what just happened.

“deal connor.”

he smiled like you did, a charming one. “deal y/n.”

the end. 🧃

[league-of-blorbos]

This is gonna be a long and weird post from me, and I don't know if it'll even be comprehensible in the end, but I just wanna put my thoughts out there about my feelings for Jhinhwei and why even as everyone else has fallen in love with this ship, I'm struggling to get into the idea of it.

(And to get this out of the way, this is all just my personal interpretation of these characters, I'm not gonna shame anyone for shipping something I don't or reading a character differently than I do. I'm doing this mostly cuz I just wanna voice my thoughts on this pair and maybe hear from people who think differently than I do. Also the other ships I tagged will make sense in a moment I PROMISE!)

It's not that I don't understand the appeal, oh no, this ship feels like it was handmade to appeal to Tumblr's love of darker, tension-filled, inherently toxic, homoerotic romance. It's LoL Hannigram, it's someone who's at least somewhat moral falling obsessively in love with a psychopath, and now they're at a cross roads of if they want to try to remain a decent person but abandon their love, or embrace the darkness within them and allow themselves to be in love with this horrible person. There's so much potential for drama and complex explorations of love and obsession that this ship should absolutely grip me.

But it doesn't, even as it's gripped others who like the same other pairings that I do.

My two other favorite ships (bear with me, I think understanding why I love these two helps rationalize why I don't ship Jhinhwei), the ones that have actually worked their way into every crevasse of my brain and I think about scenarios of them while trying to fall asleep is Kayn/Rhaast (big shock I know /s) and Simon/Betty from Adventure Time. They are also two pairings that delve into obsession and where neither partner is fully good (or in Petrigrof's case, more like good people with unintentionally toxic behavior).

Let's start with Rhaayn cuz I've rambled enough about that ship on here to fill a library (hehe voicelines references). Rhaayn is more of a classic enemies to friends to lovers with the Symbrock dynamic of Rhaast being a parasite that is fighting for control over Kayn's body being thrown in there for spice. The fun with this ship is seeing how their fight forces them to have to share moments of closeness and eventually bond with the other, and how through those moments, Kayn and Rhaast both find a perfect mirror for themselves. They find someone with the same level of bloodthirst and similar war-related trauma, but also someone who balances them as they are opposites and the same in so many ways.

Petrigrof (spoilers for both Adventure Time and Fiona And Cake) is sorta the opposite of Rhaayn in that a lot of Rhaayn focuses on how they fall in love, while Petrigrof's main story starts after already being together. The other way they're different is that while I very much SHIP Rhaayn, I'm kinda lying when I say I SHIP Simon and Betty as my favorite part is that they don't stay together in the end. The Youtuber Sarcastic Chorus has already done an amazing analysis of this ship that matches a lot of my feelings on them, but to sum up, how Petrigrof ended is all due to Betty and Simon's mistakes. They loved each other so much that Betty was willing to throw so much of herself away for Simon, while he was blinded to how much she was doing for him, and even in the moments where he did recognize Betty was doing too much, he let her keep trying as he thought it would undermine their relationship if he didn't. And I love that their story is a lesson in how even well-meaning obsession can be toxic and that you need to know when to walk away and move on, even when it hurts you and the person you love.

Simon is just as madly in love as Betty is and vice versa, and they're both equally responsible for the way they ended up. While with Rhaayn, both crave each other's company because they've found someone who is just as violent and fucked up in all the same ways as they are.

But compared to those two pairs, Jhinhwei feels too unbalanced, and not just due to the power imbalance. To summarize it, my other ships feel like two people who ruin each other (or heal each other, or both!), while Jhinhwei mostly feels like Jhin trying to ruin Hwei and the main draw is Hwei choosing to accept the ruin and his internal struggle about it. The story of them, as I read it, focuses almost solely on Hwei's arc and you could theoretically have him effect Jhin just as much, but first, any attempts for Hwei to "fix" Jhin would just recreate the issue for me in the other direction, where it's now about Jhin's internal struggle with Hwei trying to heal him. Second, I have a hard time reading that as anything other than drastically changing Jhin's character to the point where you might as well make an OC.

That last point is definitely more of a personal problem as I have way more trouble getting into Jhin's headspace than I do with Hwei or Kayn or even Rhaast. But to me, Jhin is almost more of a force of madness than a character I can dive into the complex mind of, and I'm kinda ok with that. A lot of people love trying to figure out how these characters' brains work and why they are who they are, but just like how Riot never wanted to unmask Jhin (until that goddamn concept art came out!), I'm ok with leaving the mask on and letting some things about Jhin remain mysterious, even at the cost of Jhinhwei not meeting a lot of the criteria to be a ship that I really fall in love with.

[vinhteer]

Hummingbird (by Metro Boomin and James Blake) kind of sounds like a Funalec song (delusional)

(basically me OVERANALYSING a song about gw/n and mil/es from spderverse and spinning it into a silly Funalec song)

(I'm also censoring the names and all because I don't want this post to appear under the movie's hashtags. This means I won't clutter them with this long ass essay)

[ACROSS/INTO THE SPDERVERSE SPOILERS]

for context, since this song was written for the movie: from what I understand, it's about gwn's and mles' relationship; it also gets very literal bc this song is played when gwn opens the portal to mles' universe.

"In here, paper walls are

Pushin' back on you like

Eventually you push through

The moment that you realise"

So to briefly summarise the song, it's about wanting to feel connected to this girl whom the singer feels comforted by; "love is unconditional''. The singer feels full of life with them, and it goes on. From what I see it's about mles wanting to see people who understand him as much as his friends do. They're all spider-people, and they all long to be understood. It's a normal human thing to do.

But if we spin it Funalec style, I think it could work especially if we take this song from Alec's standpoint. We actually don't get a lot of Alec content in the canon but mc's fanfic did succhhhh a good job at developing his character; I talked about that in one of my posts (can't be bothered rn), but to summarise it: Alec, like Yumi, never got the love he deserved as a child and thus has to work through life without any of it. He doesn't get the purpose of love and decides that it isn't for him. It didn't work with his family, his friend, his first gf (winking at Emcee)… So why would it work, suddenly? Incoming Funneh banging at his door. Let's get to the actual song:

The song starts with a filtered version extract of the song "Tonight You Belong To Me" by Patience & Prudence. I headcanon Yumi to LOVE romantic songs from the 60s so this 100% works. I can imagine Yumi playing this silly song (/lh) all the time and Alec gets sick of it. Every time he hears it, the track reminds him of Yumi freaking out and getting angry over some random girl at 3AM. In Hummingbird the sample fades away, like it's flying over Alec's head. The sample could symbolize Yumi to him, which just means that he's slowly prioritizing what he wants (being with Funneh and his friends).

"Hummingbird, summer song"

Throughout the song, the singer calls this person a hummingbird, and relates this track to summer. I always found Funneh x Alec to have summer vibes since you kind of relate this season with happiness? It's also the period in which the sun is the most active; so nature gets a lot of energy from it to support life etc !! Also, hummingbirds symbolize (from what I've seen on the internet) in indigenous cultures a messenger of joy. So you could say that Funneh is Alec's hummingbird (?). And maybe Funneh represents summer to him?

"Has it brought my life back?

Hangin' in the balance

Have you brought the light back?"

Before Alec found his friends (Funneh, Kyran and Gold), his life consisted of getting a quick buck from our GENEROUS murderous neighbour Yumi, taking care of his sister and trying to stay afloat. But when he met them, they balanced out the good things and the bad things in his life ("Hangin' in the balance"). It made him actually enjoy things in life; wanting things, needing things, enjoying things... ("Have you brought the light back?")

"Pen pal on a night shift

She's who I get away with

Realising she might

Be all I need in this life"

You could say that... Funneh is his pen pal ig? THROUGH... TEXT? They don't meet very often in canon but they still hit it off every time.

"When I saw a cold snap

I wasn't with the season

Tag was on the ankle"

"When I saw a cold snap" Being without his friend just feels extremely cold and devoid of life (especially with Yumi). He isn't with the season (summer in this case) because he always has to get away from Funneh and his friends.

Also, to bring back the idea that he's prioritizing his needs over being Yumi's henchman, the cold snap could symbolize he needs to remind himself that he is still tied to Yumi.

"Tag was on the ankle"; Well this could mean 2 things.

1. an ankle tag is "an electronic device that is fastened around the ankle of a person who has committed a crime, so that the police know where that person is". This line could mean that he already know what his fate is.

The previous verse could also add another layer; his friends are truly the only place where he gets to be happy, because he knows that he already threw away his life and his future.

2. The tag on the ankle could just be a leash because he's deeply tied with Yumi. It also kind of fits bc the 2 previous lines are (imo) about his situation with Yumi and his life.

"And hummingbird

I know that's our time (That's our time)"

"I know that's our time" It sounds like he's about to leave? Like they're having a nice moment but he can't stay for too long. Flashback to the moments this mf had to leave his friends bc of Yumi (AKA THE OCEAN METAL CONCERT).

"But stay on

Stay on, stay on with me

And hummingbird

I can never unsee

What you've shown me

Stay on, stay on with me"

More pining. He wants Funneh to hold on to him, because he needs her in his life and she showed him so many things; what love means, what life has to offer, having wants, having needs...

Also, the chorus starts at "and humming bird..." to "stay on with me.". It is sung multiple times in the track; he loves her, but he can't stay for long. And this cycle happens SO many times.

"The moment when you realise

There's someone there that needs you

Lap band on the feelings

I tax them for no reason"

Imma be honest. I don't know what's up with the lap band and THE "taxing them" but I'm going to speculate anyway. A lap band is an inflatable silicone device placed around an area of the stomach to treat obesity by slowing down the consumption of food and thus the amount of food consumed. So if you're putting them on "feelings", it's to filter said emotions to slow down said sensations; which means you basically have a hard time processing your feelings to the point that you need a metaphorical device to nullify it? And then there's this line "The moment when you realise / There's someone there that needs you" with "I tax [the aforementioned feelings] for no reason". Alec is taxing these emotions; so he's feeling heavily burdened by these feelings to the point that he's demanding some kind of compensation. He is scared that Funneh (and his friends) need him. He is now important to them. He can't back down anymore; he can't leave, because it'll hurt them. ("The moment when you realise / There's someone there that needs you")

"I added love 'cause love is unconditional

I count on love, I count on love

'Cause love is unconditional within reason"

This line contradicts my ideas for the previous verse but whatever. I guess you could say he both finds these feelings burdening but he also cherishes it and finds it important. AND LAST THING!! Alec didn't get love, but now he does; he knows that love is unconditional within reason thanks to Funneh (and his friends but this is abt her). He counts on love, it sounds corny but it's truly what drives him to keep going in his life!

"Would I sign up again?

Would I sign up again?"

You could interpret these lines as Alec hesitating on whether or not he should continue hanging out with his friends again, since well... He can't back down anymore, since it'll hurt him and Funneh, Gold and Kyran as well. Also I love how the beat here sounds like irregular heart beats OR slowed-down flying hummingbird sounds (a fluttering heart and a bird fluttering their wings).

"And the night was so strong

Forget the time like life is long

Wings beating a thousand strong"

The last two lines really shows that time is very relative. Time feels fast when you're with loved ones, but in the moment, it feels slow. It's the juxtaposition of wanting to stay with someone forever and the wing flapping of a bird LMAO (hummingbirds flutter their wings 80 times per second).

"Would I sign up again?

Would I sign up again?

And the night was so strong

Forget the time like life is long

Wings beating a thousand strong"

So the singer (Alec... in this case?) sings this verse twice, like he is contemplating on his choices as he's spending time with his friends. For the 2nd time though, he sings this:

"Unconditional within reason"

This line calls back to the fact that he deems love to be unconditional. So this could mean that based on his choices, he decides to stay with her. With his friends. IG THIS IS THE GOOD ENDING LMAO IDK IF WE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN THAT IF YHS WAS STILL RUNNING BUT YK....

Anyways, this is all I have to say. Someone should teach me how to analyse an art piece without sounding like I've had a stroke writing it.

Overall, this song really captured Alec's character in my opinion; From being dragged by Yumi since age 12 or so, learning what love is and tip-toeing between running away from the things he loves and staying with his friends.

[acacia-may]

More House Vaude Drama Thoughts...

Hi, I'd like to chime in with more House Vaude Drama ramblings given all the recent discussion going around (which I guess was started by me, sorry everyone lol 😂). @lyranova, @loosesodamarble, and @just-a-little-fan-1793, none of you have to read this (and sorry for the tag), but I couldn't figure out whose post would be most appropriate for me to reblog with my added thoughts so I've just decided to create a new post with more thoughts and tag y'all in case you want to see it. 😅

Long story short, the purpose of this post is that I'm not sure how well I explained my own personal feelings on this topic in my original ask (which Lyra so kindly answered and I've gone ahead and linked here) since my big issue with this whole convoluted mess isn't so much that it's a convoluted mess or that I shipped Vanessa with Finral first or even that Finral and Finesse's relationship had some flaws in the way it was presented in the canon. My real problem with all of this is how wrapped up it all is with the possibility of Finral returning House Vaude, his abusive home that he left for extremely good reason. But my thoughts on this topic were really long so I've put most of them below the cut... 😅 Thanks in advance for indulging my ramblings.

(Warnings: Black Clover spoilers and implied/referenced/discussed child abuse and gaslighting. There also are some constructive (but, I will admit, relatively blunt) criticisms of these pairings and how they were handled by the narrative)

I'd like to start by reiterating that I like both the Finral x Vanessa and Finral x Finesse ships, and I'd go so far as to say that I actually really like that romance isn’t the main focus of Black Clover. I truthfully didn't get into shipping in the series that much because it was so sidelined which really allows the strong friendships and familial bonds (especially in those wonderful found families) to shine!

Also, to this point, I love Finral and Vanessa as just platonic friends just like @just-a-little-fan-1793 mentioned (and on some level, honestly might prefer them that way). That said, I still think the manga did a much better job of qualifying their relationship in that way. When I mentioned in my original ask that I felt the anime played up Finral and Vanessa in a romantic sense, I really blame the English dub for that as I feel like the original Japanese anime played things much less flirty and much more familial teasing between them (it's the delivery of some lines, especially the ones in the sea temple). I've seen both, and I think if I had watched the Japanese first, I would have felt similarly that they were just good friends as I really don't have the strongest "romance detector" in the world and tend to default to platonic friendships unless whacked over the head with the romance. 😅😂

For me, some of those exchanges between them were just too flirtatious (in English). Maybe I was just looking through the lens of my own experience knowing that some of my dearest and closest friends are guys and I'm a woman, and I would never ever talk to my guy friends that way, especially if I knew they were as desperate for love as Finral. I realize part of that is just Vanessa being Vanessa but at the same time, it's (arguably) irrefutably that she is Finral's "best friend"...she knows him better than most people which means she knows how at least a part of him is going to take her saying she'd "let [him] take [her] on a date" if they survive the sea temple battle (and so on). It seems unreasonably cruel to tease him like that if she had him firmly in the "Brother Zone." (Not saying she wants to date him just that I felt there was a least the tiniest sliver of potential there for this reason. Even if the potential is barely 0.0001%, it's still more than zero. I just don't think she would've said it to Finral (again because she knows what he's like and how he'd take it), if the potential was zero). This line was not in the manga, so again, I blame the anime for the confusion which I think is a point that Lyra @lyranova and I both really agree on.

To the Finral x Finesse point, I agree with Erika @loosesodamarble that Finral and Finesse's relationship was handled poorly by the narrative in a troubling variety of different ways. Finesse should have (and easily could have) been mentioned sooner and it should have been made clear that Finral really was pining after her this whole time. Also, this "joke" that it's turning into is not funny and is honestly concerning for Finral's mental health, like he's gaslighting himself and we're all supposed to laugh at it?? It's bizarre and I'm really not a fan.

I would like to state for the record however, that my biggest concern with this pairing is not that I prefer Vanessa for Finral (honestly I'm not sure that I do if it was just personality-wise as I like both pairings equally in that respect but the situation things surrounding a Vanessa x Finral relationship are far less troubling to me which is why I think I tend to lean that direction). My biggest concern isn't even that the narrative kind of botched the Fin Fin execution--I'd be willing to forgive that since I do love Finral x Finesse as a pairing, but what I cannot possibly get over is that I can't think of remotely believable situation in which Finral can marry Finesse without going back to House Vaude. She is the king's grandniece, promised in an arranged marriage, and chronically ill. She also is meek and traditional just by nature. She can't and (I would argue) won't just elope with Finral. I'm sorry. I wish that was the case, but it isn't. If/when they try to make an elopement (or a "Finral gets the girl but Langris gets the estate" situation) happen in the canon, it will feel cheap, unrealistic, and/or nonsensical to me, and I say that as someone who actually ships this pairing and wants to root for them (which is a big source of my frustrations). Unless House Vaude miraculously burns to the ground (we can only hope right🤞), Finral will live there if he marries Finesse. The two are not mutually exclusive.

Which leads me to my main issue, I would rather gnaw off a limb than see Finral return to his abusive home, and I honestly say that with very little hyperbole. Now, I'll disclaimer this by saying I have a lot of personal connection to this topic (probably too much to stay level-headed about it) having loved a "Finral" (someone who ran away from an abusive situation in eerily similar circumstances) in real life and that may cloud my judgment a little bit here because, to be frank, the idea of that person returning to their abusive home for any reason at all makes me feel physically ill. Yes, of course, Finral himself is a fictional character, but the sentiment extends to him too because this whole plotline just hit way too close to home for me to the point where I have lost actual sleep worrying about what's going to happen to Finral and if he's going to go back to House Vaude at the end of the series. I realize there is some projecting there on my part (which is why I mentioned it), but it's the biggest reason I don't think I could really cope with a "Finral's happily ever after involves him becoming Head of House Vaude" ending, especially since Finral's romantic interest in Finesse has been handled so poorly by the narrative that they can't even make the (albeit weak) argument that "Well he loves her so much that it's okay he's going back to House Vaude. His love is so strong it'll help him weather the storm of abuse waiting for him when he goes back there." [For the record, that is a terrible, weak argument just objectively and it would be even if Finral x Finesse was the most perfectly handled ship in the history of the universe, but it can't even begin to be made here when he is literally banging his head against a wall yelling at himself that he actually is in love with her like "sHe'S tHe OnLy OnE fOr Me! Why doesn't anyone believe me?" Probably because you look like you're gaslighting yourself, buddy... 🙄 And yes, this is all just a bad joke, I understand, but it's in really poor taste considering what's at stake here is Finral returning to a toxic environment where he was tormented and abused for nearly two decades until he finally escaped in his adulthood. There is absolutely nothing funny in that.]

My heart breaks for Finral and I feel extremely protective of him, so my biggest concern in all of this House Vaude drama is his safety and well-being. I know that going back to House Vaude (no matter what his reasoning) will not be the best thing for him. Even if he believes that's "what he wants," it really isn't what he wants--it's only what he "thinks" that he wants because he has unrealistic expectations of what returning home will be like (See, his whole "I will make Father acknowledge me" speech when he "declares war" on Langris before leaving for the Heart Kingdom). That's not going to happen. That's never going to happen. The harsh reality is that the Lord and Lady Vaude are horrible, awful people who are incapable of unconditional love--a fact which has messed up both of their sons.

I worry about Langris too, of course, but he at least seems to have a better understanding of the reality of this situation than Finral who still keeps blaming himself like it's somehow his fault his father and stepmother don't love him. He still believes he can "earn" their love and just hasn't yet because there's something wrong with him, whereas by this point in the story, I think Langris is aware that there really is not and was never any love there to earn in the first place. Nothing either him or Finral do will ever be enough for Ledior and Liliane. Langris understands this, and Finral doesn't (which as much as I would love to rescue them both from that hellscape, if one of them has to stay, at least Langris knows what he's getting into).

Finesse unfortunately is way too connected to this house, this situation, and these people on account of the arranged marriage. If she was just some random castle town girl who had no connection to the Vaudes whatsoever, I think I'd have had much less of a problem with her being introduced late because Finral could just marry her without involving his horrible relatives at all (and that is the real issue for me here). But unfortunately, that is not the scenario presented to us by the canon. As it is now, Finesse and House Vaude go hand in hand and likely always will. I think Finesse herself knows this which is why she likely gave Finral space all of those years after he left. I like to think she really does love Finral which then begs the question of what she wants because I can almost guarantee you with 99.9% certainty that if she really does love him and has even the tiniest inkling of a sliver of what has gone on in that House Vaude hellscape (which come on, she cares so deeply for both Finral and Langris (however you want to qualify that) and has been around this family for years now, no matter how much her boys try to protect her from it all, she at least knows some of it or can make an educated guess that there's something dark and sinister in that House behind that perfect persona they try to display to the world), she wouldn't want Finral to step one foot back in there for any reason at all but especially not to be with her.

But yes, to be perfectly fair, this really isn't about Finesse personally. I would have concerns about any relationship for Finral if it involved him going back to House Vaude. (Though I'll admit that Langris' involvement in the whole Finesse situation was so unnecessary and has left a sour taste in my mouth, especially since the way things are playing out in the canon it is much easier for me to believe that Langris is the one who really loves her. Just a personal feeling, but it's not one I can give up and even if he acted like a jerk for a lot of the series, there is something unfair and tragic about the idea of Langris who was abused or tortured in House Vaude just like Finral (only in a different way) getting the rug ripped out from under him losing his house, title, what he worked for his entire life, his sense of identity in a way and (possibly) the only woman he has ever loved to his brother (who needs to stay the **** away from all that House Vaude garbage in the first place) but I digress...). Anyway, I think I settled into Finral x Vanessa mainly because it's not even an option for them to go back to House Vaude (not to mention that having been rescued from abuse herself, there is no way in hell she is letting him go back there).

But these are just my own personal feelings and opinions. Everyone perceives and interprets things differently. Like Lyra said, one of the fun parts of being in a fandom is getting to see all the different perspectives and interpretations. Everyone likes what they like, and it honestly would be really boring around here if everyone was exactly the same and liked exactly the same things so I'm really a big believer in (to paraphrase an old adage) just ship and let ship. I've no problem with either of these ships and no problem with anyone who ships both, one or the other, or neither of them. I personally actually like both of them myself. My only problem is Finral going back to his abusive home and as that seems like a more likely possibility with one (and the one that is most likely to be canon), it does leave me with some big concerns and some sour feelings for what otherwise would have/could have/should have been just a very sweet pairing.

Also, I think I'll just wrap things up with a confession that my favorite ship in this entire "House Vaude Cluster" is actually Finesse x Langris, [and it's honestly the only one I could probably drum up actual passion about as a ship in its own right (outside of this convoluted mess of circumstances, I mean)], but that has everything to do with my own personal preferences and the fact that (as I mentioned earlier) it is easiest for me to believe that Langris loves Finesse more than any other possible pairing in this love urchin. It hadn't been mentioned in any of the previous discussion at all, so I'm mentioning it now just to mention it. ^^ That said, it has nothing to do with anything I discussed here, so do with that information what you will. Cheers!! 💙

[hestzhyen]

!!CW: DESCRIPTIONS OF VIOLENCE/SA (and spoilers, obviously)!!

Highlights from my Paradise playthrough. Shout out to my saint of a partner for letting me spam him with my bullshit.

I use generic names for my partner's benefit (they're a sane person with no interest in BL VNs), so MC-kun is Azuma, Fluffy-kun is Takara, Asshole-kun is Mitsugi, and Reliable-kun is Madara. Let's begin!

Paradise is the 20th VN I've played and I think it's the first one to have this option. Overall I really liked the technical presentation.

I generally avoid checking spoiler tags when going in so at this point all I had was my experience with other BL games and a few hints about this game's brutality. Overall the content itself is in line with things I've seen before, but hoo boy did some of Azuma's inner dialogue hit hard. That poor guy.

As an aside: I always approach a VN blind until I get an ending. After that I choose who to target and get all their bad ends first, then the good before moving on to the next LI. This approach was perfect for Paradise since the bad ends gave you the context needed to fully understand the good endings and greater mystery in the narrative. Mitsugi > Madara > Takara is definitely the best experience.

(This is subtle foreshadowing of me using up the nation's entire copium supply a few days later)

(And this is subtle foreshadowing of my choice for Best Boy)

The translation for this game was pretty good until the last arc. Mitsugi and Madara's routes all felt natural. I'm not the kind of person who wants everything to be literal, so it was nice to see a real effort put towards localizing their routes. I think the only line I raised an eyebrow at was the Scooby Doo reference (which I'm assuming is localizing an extremely Japanese joke/reference). Sadly this didn't hold up in Takara's route. Suddenly it felt like a very unpolished machine TL- stilted phrasing and sudden tense switching pulled me out of some big moments. Inconsistent terms were suddenly an issue too; namely, the literal transliteration "log house" being used instead of the localized "cabin" in a few places. Lastly, the many instances of "we're" instead of "were" in the script. C'mon! I've read fan TLs with more polished writing and editing y'know? Was it due to a deadline crunch? Careless oversight? Don't know, but I do care.

My heart broke for Azuma over and over again. Just, all the time. At this point I knew the game was an utsuge so I just sat back and let my feelings get trampled as intended.

Classic BL problems.

Classic BL "solutions".

Go ahead and laugh at past me. I am so disappointed in him.

I can't tell you why I like having my heart crushed, spit on, set on fire, and launched into the sun. But at least I know what I like.

I have mixed feelings for the story itself but the characters are above par for a BL VN. Faint praise? Maybe. But I get the sense that the happy ends are supposed to make you feel despair too despite the upbeat music and framing. It's not a good thing that MC-kun comes to accept the guys who have fucked him up. It's uncomfortably true to life how he makes excuses for their abuse just because they showed him some kindness, and it leaves me feeling hollow to watch him disappear into the sunset with them. Yes even Mitsugi. He doesn't get a pass just because he sticks to verbal abuse in the same story as a violent sadist and a murderous cannibal.

Case in point about the "good endings still feel bad".

I was down so, so bad. Good job Paradise you successfully got me to pin all my hopes on this little fucker.

I'll spare y'all the long barganing phase I went through but it ran the gamut from "maybe he's possessed" to "split personality" to "unholy experiment gone wrong". By his first bad end the scales had started to fall, though. I hit rock bottom at last in the second bad end.

I generally limit the title of Best Boy to a LI, even if it's closer in spirit to "Guy I Hated the Least". The only VN I've changed that for is Tokyo Onmyouji because none of those men deserved Tengenjibashi. It wasn't even a fucking contest. Here? Well...

Badly stilted TL in a crucial emotionally heavy scene. This is just the worst example I snipped while playing but man, did anyone look at the script for this route after the machine TL spat it out?

I learned nothing.

And here is where all of my negative feelings about Paradise stem from...

I understand that writers need to rein in the story at some point. You don't have infinite budgets for VAs and all. But the janky, sudden skip to the reveals being recited right away followed by the drive off into the sunset soured the whole experience for me. I wasted hours of my life trying to figure it out when the writers just said shit we gotta go here's the Cliff's Notes see you never. I bought in and was rewarded with the most underwhelming delivery I've seen this side of Phantom Thief Jade. The payoff is the second most important part of a mystery story guys! You gotta take the time to pace the Big Reveal and let the player chew a bit before taking the plate away! It's such a shame that they went through so much effort to layer and misdirect only to give up right at the finish line.

Despite that, I still had enough fun that I consider Paradise a worthwhile investment. I hope the fan disk can be brought over too someday.

Never mind- burn it all down. No survivors.

[beliscary]

@necromycologist #👀 prev im begging you to elaborate on your vision for them

oh my god. im so sorry. I have can't shut up disease. so many series spoilers here we go

for context, these were my tags on user cemeterything 's post featuring this gem:

#nick & sam mutually in the trilogy postcanon I made up in my head #shut up you're not transmuting into a sword and/or stone and I'm not becoming primordial destructive light let's think this through #very much IF I CAN'T NEITHER CAN YOU

ok I gotta bring up Nehima

The ancient Clayr made sure that the sword Nehima and the Dark Mirror found their way to Lirael. Lirael in turn will find Sameth, who passes the bells and the Book on to her. Eventually, she passes the panpipes and then Nehima on to him so that he can forge what they will need to defeat Orannis. This sword bears the inscription: 'Remember the Wallmakers. Remember me.'

Now, here's this passage from the very beginning of Abhorsen, which has been the rock in the shoe of my brain since I read it:

"He was a Wallmaker as well as a royal prince, but what did that mean? The Wallmakers had disappeared millennia ago, putting themselves into the creation of the Wall and the great Charter Stones—quite literally, as far as Sam knew. For a moment he wondered if that would be his destiny too. Would he have to make something that would end his life? At least as a living, breathing man? For the Wallmakers weren't exactly dead, Sam thought, remembering the great Charter Stones and the Wall. They were more transformed, or transfigured, not that he fancied that either. In any case he was far more likely to simply get killed..."

Nehima made something that ended her life, at least as a living, breathing woman. 🤷‍♀️

With Sam's canonical fear of capital D 'Death' Still Very Much Existing, I feel like the best course re: future character development would have been to dig into the tension between immortality as a construct/weapon vs. accepting death and deciding to be fully human. Is that very narrow eternal life as a part of the Wall, or a weapon to be wielded, or a Charter Stone… tempting? terrifying? Does he feel becoming some kind of weapon or tool is inevitable? Has he ever wondered what the inscription on whatever remains of him should be? Has he written it somewhere and burned it like all those letters to his parents he was too afraid to send?

Time and again in the books, Sam thinks to himself how glad he is that he's not the Abhorsen and how happy he is to be able to make things, to be Of Use to the Abhorsen/the Kingdom. He feels awful about what he considers his moments of cowardice and his abandonment of his responsibilities. I think he's in the perfect pressure cooker to be an enormous idiot about what duty calls him to do, while also struggling internally with his own fears. 'I can make this ultimate sacrifice... and also not die.... am I being a coward.... no one has to know.... is this a fate worse than death?... maybe I deserve that. maybe what I deserve has nothing to do with it, and this is simply what I must do, just as the Abhorsens must walk in Death...'

I think Nick needs to kick him in the shins about it (ughgbhfhfhh there's that part in one of the later letters Nick writes in the books that's like 'come here and tell me I'm being a stupid asshole so I stop being a stupid asshole'... fave. this vibe, both ways.) Sam never got to see Nick possessed by Orannis so I feel like Nick should get to deal with Sam, sometimes unsettling conduit for The Charter's intent. ('I Didn't Get Possessed In His Place And Temporarily Die For This!')

and Nick!!! arghhh WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE THE SURVIVING VESSEL OF ORANNIS?! his skeptic's worldview is shattered! he's traumatized! he's IRRADIATED! he has sooo much to feel guilty about and thinks he has to make up for, especially with regards to what he thinks he owes the Kingdom and the survivors of Forwin Mill.... but his very existence disrupts the Charter. Not too long ago, he was walking talking anathema to life itself. also he has these weird temptations to shuck off his mortal body and become a being of pure Free Magic??? Is it worse that he's still alive, because he's so dangerous? He came back from Death, why him when so many others died? Shouldn't he have just taken what was left of the hemispheres' powers to the grave with him? I'm sure he gets in his head about 'I need to do something with this life I got to return to because otherwise...'

obligation v. guilt v. desire. basically so much trauma and also Need To Make It Right. Sam would kick him in the shins about it except then he'd have to recognize the self in the other and 😬 he's probably still emotionally recovering from Nick saying those exact words to him and coughing his dying blood on his face. I digress

I think too that even though nick's irradiated and the Charter goes all wonky around him, the fact that the baptism took and the mark stays Means Something, and I choose to believe that in this strange way Nick is the new walking talking Destroyer, and that remnant of the Destroyer which exists as Nick wants to be a part of the Charter this time around, and with Sam having so many of the bloodlines it's just.... the most bizarre mutual understanding of what being alive means, as kids who used to vault desks at boarding school and also as... living manifestations of the cycle of creation and destruction. and they both have to constantly grab each other by the scruff of the neck to remind each other they're allowed to live too, not just throw themselves "into the making" like the Bright Shiners

(at my Most Bittersweet I think about how maybe it's Sam who passes away first, and until the very moment he goes, Nick can't quite believe he actually decided to die a man and not forge himself into some other thing. they had of course talked about it before but there was always a part of Nick that wondered...

and when he does cross into the River, Nick is the one to perform the final rites and burn his body so it can't be used because oh boy he Gets It)

[thelreads]

I was reminded that I wanted to post some thoughts on the things happening on CSM before the next chapter comes out, because I saw a lot of people coming up with some pretty interesting points, and when they are all put together they can make for some strong theory, so, spoilers for Chainsaw man up to chapter 119 under the cut

I've seen a lot of interesting points from a lot of people in the tags, so I'm going bring them together and add my thoughts. For starters, the silly one, the fart tally

Some people came up with the theory that this was Denji's way to keep the Control Devil under check, so he wouldn't be dominated by her, because she needs to feel "superior" to who she wants to control, and saying "you can't even fart more than I do, how could you ever be superior to me?" To a kid like Nayuta would probably work. The fact that Denji is older is probably not something that would work, because age does not correlate to being superior.

Personally, I don't think that's the case. Knowing Denji it's probably just a fun way to bond with her, a funny competition. It could be, how some people said, that since she might be obsessed with control and maybe OCPD that this was something she would focus, but I don't think either of those are the case, specially when you look at their house

The books, the furniture, the board game and the colored pencils on the floor- that's absolutely not what an OCPD person would like to live like.

Also, two important point there is that they are playing board games and drawing to have fun, and that Nayuta is going to school, since we know that's not Denji's bag.

Now, the one that I liked the most, the plants

The two potted plants, one which had Denji's name, and one that had Nayuta's name, with the former being healthy and the latter being wilted and dying

People immediately took this to mean that Nayuta is like Makima, and that since she probably can't exert control over a plant like she does to a living being, then she didn't cared about it and let it die, but people forgot one thing

Makima also had plants on her apartment, and they were all perfectly healthy and visibly well. And another thing to add to the obsessed with order thing

All the furniture and objects in her apartment are perfectly neat and in their right place, it's more like a display than an home. Makima was obsessed with perfection, while Nayuta is not.

The plant being dead is in my opinion a great sign, it shows how much they are different, since Nayuta is not that focused on being perfect, and like someone pointed out, that plant is most likely a succulent, which you need to water very sparsely, since overwatering it will definitely kill it. A kid like Nayuta would make that mistake, because kids are prone to exaggerate on watering plants.

The last one is the rules that Denji laid out while getting there. Don't open any door but the one to his house, don't open the fridge, don't facebattle him.

People pointed out that this could be Denji's trauma haunting him, "don't open the door", the Makima snacks on the fridge and the fact that every girl he kissed tried to murder him after. Sure, it could be that, but I believe in other possibility

All the things that Denji said are things you shouldn't do naturally if you're not a criminal. You don't open the door to houses other than the one you were invited to, only a criminal wanting to break in would do that. You don't go ahead and open the fridge in someone's else house, if you're not being offered food then you're stealing it, and, lastly, it could be that only someone trying to steal Denji away from Nayuta would try to kiss him.

Denji is the only family Nayuta has, if he got a girlfriend then that person would be stealing her brother away. She wouldn't understand other way, she's just a little kid.

Although there are some other explanations that also fit. Someone said that Nayuta could've thought that Asa was attacking Denji to rob their house, that would be a perfectly good explanation for her accusation. Me, I'm personally more inclined to other possibilities, it could be that Asa was sitting on her spot in front of the TV, and thus was stealing it from her, or even if Denji told her that all the girls that kissed him were trying to steal the Chainsaw heart that she just believed that all the girls that ever kissed him meant the same.

Hell, she's a kid, it could be that she thought cooties are real and that's why one of the rules was to don't kiss Denji, or she simply thought it was disgusting for people to be kissing. Denji did say she was an extreme kid, it might be that she doesn't behave different from other kids, just that her reactions are more violent due to her powers.

And I think that's all I compiled. Unfortunately there were so many people that I read and had interesting points and I don't remember their names otherwise I'd be tagging them all here lmao

[worstutfanonthingpoll]

Hello haters!

Now if you know me you know I like two things:

HATING (and please don't call me an anti)

MAKING DISCORD SERVERS

So! I have decided to combine these two things

Now, some backstory:

(Spoiler warnings for Xtale)

Backstory~

I was coming back from holiday in Port U Gal (it was nice, other than the fact i burned to death a lot) and decided HEY! I DOWNLOADED THE LAST EPISODE OF XTALE TO WATCH ON THE PLANE! I SHOULD DO THAT!

Before this, I had slowly been dragging myself through xtale (adhd means i needed to spread it out). I liked it, other than the fact I had no idea what was going on 30% of the time. Anyway.

So I watched Xtale episode the last, and suddenly Sans was relevant despite only having about two speaking roles beforehand. And suddenly he and CharaFrisk were claiming to be besties. And suddenly FriskChara tried to make him kill them bc... it would force XGaster into reseting, weakening him (i think).

All of a sudden everyone's memories were back and they were about to kick XGaster's ass. WONDERFUL, thought me. THIS CUNT'S HAD IT COMING FOR TEN EPISODES. But then GUESS WHO SUDDENLY DEVELOPS MARY SUE SUPERPOWERS AND DESTROYS THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE, BECAUSE... I genuinely do not know.

Did he feel CharaFrisk betrayed him by overwriting him? Maybe, but I think their actions were justified. They didn't see any other way out and they genuinely thought sans would be willing to help bc theyre besties for some reason.

Did he feel for Gaster bc he raised him? Valid enough, but if that's the case why did Papyrus (who was also raised by XGaster), Mr Spare a Genocidal Maniac, join the Gaster torture?

And again, WHY WAS HE THAT OP? There is no explanation for where those powers came from and I think that it is ridiculous he destroyed everyone and everything with full control over his powers, and then had the gall to wail about it. Like dude. No one was forcing you to do that?? Jeez.

And then Ink, who somehow failed to notice the Ten Variations of Hell Gaster created despite multiversal watch being his LITERAL JOB, comes in like. Oh! Hi sans variant in a destroyed universe! You're invited to the main plotline now! ;D

Wow.

Nothing against Ink, but according to the poll runner server, Ink's inaction is kind of a thing that happens a lot in Underverse. Rip.

End of Backstory~

(Please don't hate on me if you like Cr#ss. If you are a fan of him, good on you! Enjoy the pleathora of fanon content, and feel free to block me. Just no hate pls)

To sum it up, I think Cr○ss Sans sucks but there is nothing on tumblr or ao3 or anywhere agreeing with me

So! I am starting a Cr♡ss Hate Club™ where we complain about him and make that hater content we've been craving, including shipping him with TECtale Sans (an oc of mine who is kind of the worst) and creating the "Cr□ss Sans is a Jerk" tag on ao3 (if swapfell sans gets one, SO DOES CR%SS)

The hate club will be a discord server, the link to which doesn't even exist yet. This is mostly a post to see if people are interested. If not, and I'm right about everyone's undying love for him then that's okay! I'll delete the post and move on with my life.

If you're interested but fear hate, feel free to dm me. But if anyone dms to yell at me for not liking Cr0ss, you're getting blocked.

And remember:

Me saying I don't like someone or something doesn't mean I'm saying you're not allowed to enjoy it, because guess what? People are allowed to have opinions! If he is your fave, good for you! Just please please don't send me hate.

Hell, send me Cr☆ss centered fics that portray him positively if you like, its good for me to broaden my horizons and shit. Also I like the Nightmare's gang found family stuff lol.

Yeah that's pretty much it. Will censor Cr◇ss's name so it doesn't come up when searched.

@inksans-unofficial @worstutcanonthingpoll

[aeroplaneblues]

Alright! its time for top anime of 2022 list🎉

This year I didn't watched that many however I did found some good ones! 2 of those are recurring shows which I try to avoid, as this might be used as a rec list, but I like them that much!

the tldr; is on twitter

10- Vampire in the garden: this one was on netflix which I guess is why it didn't get that much attention, i like the concept and visuals were very nice its a bittersweet end but I quite enjoyed. 09- Raven of the inner palace: the story is interesting, its starts very monster of the week style with ghosts then moves to a main villain, the relationships between the MC and the rest of the cast is honestly the highlight. My only complain is pronunciation of the names are jp localized so I hope this gets a chinese dub. 08- Gundam: the witch of mercury: the last gundam i watched was wing and do not remember anything but i know its reputation, I gave this one a chance because the designs are really fun and I also went in with the idea that it was yuri bait. TURNS OUT this might not be what I was expecting, there is one more ep of this + the rest of the cour so I'm hoping it improves from here. The characters carry this for me even the background ones, they all feel like characters not props! Plus ZERO GRAVITY HUGS!! 07- Mob psycho 100 III: I know this list is numbered but I love all of these equally ! However, this in comparison with s1 and s2 is one of the weakest, maybe bc it had to close loose ends? idk but its still a good one, the moment I cry was with ekubo more than reigen i know i know but reigen had his moment in s2 and I think that hit harder. Time to read the manga! 06- My dress-up darling: this is ecchi, im saying this first bc if people barely tolerate bnha fanservice this is not for you. I usually avoid this but I was dumb and didn't saw the tag😂 and I got attached to the main characters and the story, I read the manga and the ecchi is very far and far between as the story progresses. I think it has a lot of heart and its quite fun love story, plus you learn so much about cosplaying! 05- Sasaki and miyano: cutest bl I've ever watched/read, sasaki reminds me of childe which I find it so funny I can't unsee it. Miyano isn't your uwu protagonist and their relationship is build sloooowly on a lot of love and respect. Its nice to see this type of bl without its usual uh nonsense. 04- The case study of vanitas II: the thing about this second season is that i didn't know if bones was going to adapt everything, the manga updates at shoujo pace and has had rough months of absence HOWEVER it was all adapted, like a month after the last ch came out we saw that ep which is the wildest thing for me tbh. Anyway that last ep is why this is here, it was the BEST fight scene ending like [SPOILERS] watch it, it was amazing. 03- Chainsaw man: yeah i know ofc this is here, this is one of the best adaptations I've ever watched, it is beyond perfect. Several episodes I felt like I was watching a movie, can't rec it enough it even has its own mads mikkelsen inspired character voiced by the same va of the other mads mikkelsen inspired character from my other fave show. Also love the detail how mappa draws shoes as fujimoto draws them. 02- Spy x family: this is another good adaptation, I started reading this manga in 2019?? And I kept thinking how GOOD of a story it was and it was a shame so little attention it got, but now with the anime its got the much deserved attention. I adore it immensely, here is hoping for a continuous success.

01- Bocchi the rock: THIS is at the top bc of how relatable it is for me and what a nice surprise to know its actually a good anime. I was expecting it to be another "cute girls do cute things" like "do it yourself" from this year and I wasn't wrong its just that it has a little more depth than that. All the girls have good and bad traits, goals and obstacles to overcome so the story focuses on that with their collective goal of playing music. As someone with social anxiety that lean on rock/playing guitar to make friends and not succeeding on that front I want to see bocchi accomplish her goals, its cathartic like that. Also the animator are truly having fun with the different styles of animating the jokes which is always a treat to watch.

If you got it to this part, thank you so much for reading! If you give any of this a chance and like them let me know! I love talking about anime as you can see haha. I hope next year the season isn't as dry mid way so I get to watch more!

Happy New Year!!🎉