#it was good and can support that

[bsd-verse]

Okay so I have a new theory of Fyo's ability, hints specifically coming from chapter 107 and the Dead Apple, and I feel like it's better than my previous one (in terms of making sense) and which might be connected to what I'm going to explain. By the way, I'm not exactly sure if it's been said by another person, so feel free to tell me if this was made before.

❗️Spoiler warning in case.

So looking through the last panel of the newest chapter, we are soon to learn about what Fyodor's ability is or maybe his backstory. The fandom has been coming up with many different theories about his own. And now that we might get an answer finally, let's firstly take a look at this panel.

translation credit

We see Fyodor kind of pissed off in the first one, and later on Sigma says that his ability can activate via touching which we already know, so he asks what his ability is and after a second of studying him, he asks what he is. Interesting enough, to be honest a question I wasn't waiting for. So this leads to my new theory of,

What if Fyodor is half an ability?

Sigma didn't ask who he was, rather asked what he was. As you see, Sigma is created by the book and him asking this was intriguing. Maybe he sensed something about him.

My reasonings as why I think that, in my first theory (which I've tagged in the beginning) I talked about what his possible ability is and why he wants to get rid of ability users. Let's sum it up shortly, so according to my thinking, Fyodor's ability works like the name of it, he only can kill people and perhaps animals, which is a crime, and for the punishment part, he shows how terrible abilities and ability users can be. But he can't kill gifted people like him, I mean the other ability users. So in order to God to erase his sins, he has to get rid of everyone who has one, and even including himself. But with chapter 107's dropping, I feel like it'd slightly -maybe- make sense.

We see in Dead Apple that unlike some others, Fyodor's ability doesn't even fight with him nor he is like others. It's pretty chill and also finishes Fyodor's sentences as well.

And then he becomes one with his ability, as if it was his whole personality, his own self. It's like, as he said, his one self is crime and the other one is punishment. But why wouldn't it affect him? Maybe, it's because he has the whole control of it, perhaps because he isn't human or just halfly, it might be because that's what he is. His crime self can kill whoever he wants, apart from the ability users, and he might have another side as well. He is very smart, manipulative, can show these off to others. That can explain why he didn't get to do anything in Shibusawa's fog. He didn't need to fight himself, if he is half ability and has fully aware of it.

And let's say if it's correct, what would happen if Dazai touched him? I don't know if they ever had a physical contact but maybe? Would it create a singularity? Or maybe that's what Fyodor actually is? There are many questions for that tbh.

Anyways, that was all it. What are your thoughts? Share them with me!

[drumlincountry]

I was at a Palestinian solidarity gig last night & the one Palestinian artist who was going to perform had COVID so the organisers asked around to see if there were any Palestinians who'd like to say a few words instead.

A local guy who was born & raised in Gaza offered to speak. He started with "I'm an engineer. i'm not a poet or a politician. I don't... do public speaking… I had no idea what to say when I came up here. So i'm just going to tell you about the street I grew up on."

And then he did! He went down the street building by building. He told us about the ice cream shop on the corner, the grocery shop, the charity that supports people with intellectual disabilities. He told us about the people who he knew growing up, the families who still live in the different houses. He told us about the university buildings and about his friends who quit being accountants to start a band together. All on that street.

All of which is gone now, by the way. Bombed to dust.

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

The indescribable tension between an overworked and underpaid smut writer, and his biggest fan hater.

(for @frummpets)

[aunmenosheteroenespanol]

2.12 Chimney Begins - 2.09 Hen Begins - 2.16 Bobby Begins Again - 7.04 Buck, Bothered and Bewildered

Tommy's family arc

[knifearo]

this year my challenge for everyone is to unlearn the association between love and morality. love is not something that is inherently morally good, and the absence of love is not something that is inherently bad. sex without love isn't morally bankrupt, it's just an action. people without love aren't less kind or less good, they're just people. when we can get past this false (and often unnoticed) dichotomy of good love/evil lovelessness then i think we are going to be able to take leaps and bounds in sex positivity, aro advocacy, certain discussions of mental health...

[beaulesbian]

Enough to make you believe in true love.

[inkskinned]

you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

[canisalbus]

✦ 2023 summary of art ✦

[starfishinthedistance]

Friendly reminder that if you support reproductive rights and bodily autonomy but say that disabled people shouldn't have children because they'll pass down their genes which is "cruel" or "abusive", you do not support reproductive rights and bodily autonomy. Reproductive rights do not only concern abortion for cis white abled women.

[elodieunderglass]

[s-aint-elmo]

girl who has suffered more than alll-mer

(ID in alt text)

[viablemess]

Hey you. You know you should be doing The Thing. I don't want to do The Thing, either. But we can sit down and do it for 2 minutes together. Then we can do it for 5 minutes. Then 10. And so on and so forth until it is done. I'll be coming back to reiterate this.

To whoever needs to hear it: it does not have to be perfect. It does not have to be world altering. It just needs to be done. And I'll sit with you while you do The Thing.

Now go. Stop scrolling. Go work on The Thing. I'll be back to check on you and cheer us both on.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Happy Valentine's Day! (and this blog's first post anniversary!)

[s0fter-sin]

i need ghoap frantically making out against a door finally taking the leap on their feelings. need ghost grinding against soap, expecting to find him just as hard as him, only to feel nothing

and in all his wisdom and experience, he concludes soap was tortured and never told him

he’s trying to think of a delicate way to say he understands, that he’s been through it and it doesn’t change anything about how he feels (and who the fuck touched him so he can hunt them down and rend them limb from limb)

meanwhile trans!soap’s just trying to find the best angle to grind his cunt on ghost’s thigh

just it never even entering ghost’s head bc he’s never known a trans person but he has met plenty of people who’ve been tortured - himself included - so of course that’s his logical leap

soap takes off his shirt and he sees his top surgery scars and ghost asks if he wants him to kill the one who did it and soap just hums like, “actually, man did pretty good, they healed real well,” and ghost’s just teary-eyes with awe at how well he’s coping, “looking on the bright side, that’s my johnny.”

imagine he thinks johnny was fully castrated but sees he’s determined to still have a sex life with him so he buys packers and straps to help him bc hell yeah healing and soap’s just like, “holy shit i’ve never had such a thoughtful partner before, such a sweet man, lt.”

[chaosmax]

Many thanks to @rewuyuu for the commission!

hello everyone do you have a moment to learn about Sampo and Jing Yuan friendship propaganda because IN THIS ESSAY I WILL--

(based on that one Jason Momoa meme, because this is so their energy)

Edit: said essay--

(obligatory these are just personal headcanons of a friend and mine other interpretations are valid)

-They both go :3 they are both some of the few characters that make that face and it is adorable.

-They both conceal their true deeper feelings behind teehee funny man/lax eepy personas [this is assuming the Funny Bone video is canon to Sampo. It was made for Hoyofair but Hoyoverse showcased it in the Live concert event so I consider that canon until Hoyoverse says otherwise]

-On the topic of that both had a tight-knit group of friends they hung out with when they were younger and were ride or die with. Unfortunately, this turned out to be die as all of their friends died (some of the HCQ are still alive but are either reincarnated or so changed/driven mad from Mara the version Jing Yuan knew had died) while Sampo and Jing Yuan were the only one out of their pals to survive.

-But both had to move on and continue to anyway, whether they wanted to or not

-Due to these things in common they would understand and relate to each other in a deep, meaningful way that few others in their lives could. There would be a certain level of liberty to their friendship because of it. They'd be able to release pent-up emotions and trauma as well as sympathize and empathize with each other. They'd be able to support each other and trust each other with the burdens of their pasts because of it. While not easy for these topics to come up initially, once they did they would find a safe space in each other for these topics. And from this would form a strong bond of trust.

-Not to mention Sampo would be a great way for master strategist ™️ Jing Yuan to keep tabs on what is happening throughout the galaxy in other places or gain valuable information for the Xianzhou Alliance. AND as Jing Yuan has expressed a lot his daily life is quite boring and loves to hear tales from the Astral Express's adventures he'd also love to hear all the wild antics Sampo gets up to because you KNOW Sampo has some wild tales to tell

-In happier news Sampo is very outwardly mischievous while Jing Yuan is also hella sneaky but in a different way usually. But when put together they bring out the utter gremlin in each other and are constantly messing with each other or having a prank war but it's all in good fun. It makes them both genuinely laugh a lot, breathing new life into their days.

-Also Mimi is either really affectionate with Sampo or bullying him (safely and gently) but it freaks Sampo out because she so beeeg. Jing Yuan finds it hilarious.