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whenrockwasyoung19 · 4 years

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It’s Time to Talk about a Bespectacled Elephant in the Room

I’ve been in the Beatles fandom for 8 and a half years. I have had a Beatles blog for the entirety of those 8 and a half years, and I have watched as discourse about these four men evolve. The discourse inside and outside the fandom has become so toxic that I don’t think I can engage with it in the same way that I could before. Let me explain.

When I entered this fandom 8 and a half years ago, it was in 2012, quite an infamous year in tumblr history. That was the pique of “”cringey”” fandom culture. The Beatles fandom was as steeped in fandom culture as any other fandom. I know this because I was part of two of the top of fandoms at the time, Doctor Who and Sherlock. Believe me, I have seen cringe.

The fandom at the time was totally aware of the John, Paul, George, and Ringo’s flaws as individuals, but most fans tended to simply enjoy Beatles fandom as if it were the 60s. Some might call it ignorant bliss. If you asked me at the time, I’d have said it was self-aware ignorant bliss--if that even makes sense. At the time, there wasn’t a person with a Beatles icon who hadn’t heard the line “John Lennon beat his wife.” Everyone knew it, but everyone also knew the real story, and so everyone just made peace with it. As a result, people didn’t think about every bad thing the Beatles ever did on a daily basis. It was more like a once-a-month kind of thing. Otherwise, fandom discourse was quite fun and relaxed. There were no shipping wars, no one fought over who was the best Beatle, everyone gushed over the Beatles wives, and we all just had fun with fics and fan art.

Of course, in this period, people engaged in conversations about one bespectacled Beatles problematic behavior. These conversations usually came from outside of the fandom. It was usually randos coming into the tags or into someone’s ask box and ranting about John Lennon’s violent behavior. Some of it came from within the fandom. Some people really didn’t like John and gave others shit if they listed John as their favorite Beatle. A lot of the discourse boiled down to: ‘hey, I see you like John Lennon. You should know that he beat his wife. And now that you know that, you should feel bad about ever liking him in the first place.’ And the response was often, ‘Actually, John Lennon didn’t beat his wife. They weren’t even married at the time. And also he didn’t beat her, he slapped her once in the face, and then never did it again.’ No one’s minds were changed. The fans had made their peace, and the antis came off as cynical and pretentious.

When Dashcon happened, and Tumblr took a hard look at its cringey fandom culture, the Beatles fandom evolved as well. The fandom became, frankly, less fun. It no longer felt like a group of people who found the Beatles decades after the 60s and were fangirling like it was 1965. There was still some of that left, but a lot of it kind of faded. So, most fandom interactions were reblogging pictures of the Beatles from the 60s and various interview clips and quotes. But the barrage of antis never really went away, and the response didn’t evolve.

Then, the advent of cancel culture came on. I always waited for the Beatles to get, like, officially canceled, but I also felt they were uncancel-able at the same time. Let me explain. I have been a Beatles fan primarily in an online space, rarely engaging with fans in real life. But I have met fans who are life-long Beatles fans, people who are a lot older than us and who’s fandom isn’t tied to the internet. They don’t give a shit about any of our discourse. They may or may not have heard it before, but they seem totally indifferent to all of it. I’m sure most of them have never heard ‘Mclennon’ before. These are the people that flock to see Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr in concert (and pay astronomical prices for it). These are the people who go to record shops and buy vinyl. These are the people I run into at flea markets who buy up all the Beatles merch before I can even arrive (true story). So, the Beatles will never be canceled because there will always be people who love the Beatles and don’t engage with online discourse. Rarely said, but thank god for Gen-X.

As cancel culture took over the internet, fandoms changed. It’s not as noticeable in fandoms without problematic favs. For instance, I’m also steeped in the Tom Holland fandom, and that boy is a little angel who has done no wrong. No one has discourse about the unproblematic boy who plays an equally unproblematic character. But in fandoms with ‘problematic favs’ the mood has shifted. I’m also in the Taron Egerton fandom. Taron Egerton, for those who only follow me for my Beatles stuff, is a genuinely sweet and kind person who has had zero scandals in his six year career. There were some rumblings when he was cast as Elton John, and some people took issue with the fact that he’s a straight man playing a gay man. This discourse seemed to die quickly as a whole lot of straight people played gay people in that same year (Olivia Coleman as queer Queen Anne, Emma Stone as her queer lover, Rami Malek as Freddie Mercury). Why jump on this boy who at the time was still technically on the rise. He’s not exactly the same target as someone like Scarlett Johansson who has her pick of roles. Taron doesn’t have quite that some power in Hollywood, and I think most people made peace with the fact that this was a big role for him, and it’s not really fair to take that away from him. So, all in all, the closest thing to a scandal was something that died pretty much on arrival.

That was until this summer when everything changed. When George Floyd was murdered, celebrities flocked to social media to mourn his loss. Taron’s social media account was silent. For weeks, Taron said nothing about Black Lives Matter or Floyd’s death. This caused outrage in the fandom. Many raced to defend him, starting a hashtage #IstandwithTaron. Others sought to tear him down and anyone who supported him. The kind of mania this one incident caused tore through an otherwise peaceful fandom. What I saw was two sides in a total panic. The antis were people who once had faith that Taron was a good person and were now questioning that. Andthe defenders were people who desperately wanted him to be a good person and were afraid that he wasn’t. In essence, both sides could feel Taron about to get canceled. The defenders wanted to stop it, the antis wanted to ride that wave.

What this long drawn out Taron example is meant to convey: is that cancel culture has put fandoms on edge. One’s fav has to be perfect, otherwise it can jeopardize the existence of the entire fandom. I’ll admit, I was afraid that I’d be some kind of pariah for standing by Taron through all of this. My actions were to basically reason with the antis but still defend Taron. I defend him mostly because I felt that his silence was the result of a needed social media absence and that trying to shame him back onto social media was an invasion of privacy. But I was genuinely afraid that he would get canceled, and the fun of the Taron fandom would be lost.

In the Beatles fandom, it often feels like the Beatles, mainly John, have already been canceled. I see this coming from two different sources: antis from outside of the fandom and antis within the fandom. The outside antis are just the same as the ones from 2012. These are people who like to drop in that John Lennon beat his wife, posting this in the tag (which violates an ancient tumblr real by the way--no hate in the tags).

The antis outside the fandom speak to a larger anti-John Lennon sentiment online. I see references to John Lennon ‘beating his wife’ on Tiktok and twitter. The tone of anti-John Lennon posts has shifted. Before, it felt like the antis were being smug but also argumentative. They wanted to have a conversation about this bit of info they read on Reddit with no context. Now, “John Lennon beating his wife” is practically a meme. It’s a running joke online that John Lennon was a wife beater. I can’t look on my instagram explore page because every so often a John Lennon beats his wife meme will pop up amongst the other, normal, memes.

This change in discourse suggests that the internet has just accepted this as fact now. I should note that back in 2012, it seemed as if few people knew this fact. The fandom knew it, and these random antis knew it, but few others did. Now, because of how common these memes are, it seems to be widespread knowledge.

Consequently, the Beatles fandom, who used to ward off attacks from antis, seems to have given in. I recently saw a post from a Beatles blog (had the URL and icon and everything) that confessed they felt guilty for listening to the Beatles, and I’ve seen similar sentiments expressed in the fandom. People tend to put disclaimers in posts about John or even all four that John is an ‘awful man.’ It seems like the self-aware ignorant bliss has completely gone away. Occasionally, I still see posts joyously talking about Mclennon or reblogs of old photos from the 60s. But the culture has shifted.

Online, it no longer feels comfortable to be a Beatles fan. It feels like you have to own up to 8 decades of mistakes by four men you’ve never met. And, I should note, this is kind of how it feels to be a fan of anything right now. Taron is not canceled today, but he could be tomorrow. It’s this pervasive feeling of guilt that the person you’re supporting may or definitely has or is doing something wrong.

I’ll admit this uncomfortable feeling has expanded into other parts of my fandom life. I listen to their music, and I feel elated--the way I always have. Then, I get these intrusive thoughts which sound like all the worst parts of Twitter combined. It wasn’t always like this. Back in 2012, when I knew almost nothing about them, I saw them as four young men who were full of happiness, love for another, and talent. Back then, listening to their music was exciting and joyous. Sometimes, I fear that I can never feel that way again. Next year, when I finally go to Liverpool, will I be filled with excitement or guilt?

I say all this for a few reasons. One, I love John Lennon. I appreciate all the good he did for the world not just as a musician and an artist but also his advocacy and charity work. I love him, and a part of me will always love him, but observing the change in discourse has enlightened me as a historian. Part of my job is to observe people’s legacies, and John’s is perhaps the most interesting legacy I’ve ever observed. When he died, he was hailed as a saint. But tall poppy syndrome set in, and the antis started. This culture grew and grew to the point where it seems to, at least among the younger generation, taken over the sainthood.

But as a historian and a fan, I have never seen the saint or the devil. I’ve only seen the man, the incredibly flawed man. The thing that these antis never understand is that John Lennon was painfully aware of his own flaws to the point where it made him all the more self-destructive. In essence, his past mistakes caused him to make additional mistakes. But John, aware of his own flaws, always tried to change and was often successful. I’ve talked about this before, but John demonstrated that he was capable of being a good person, like properly so, again and again. After he struck Cynthia, he never hit her again. His shortcomings as a father to Julian weren’t repeated with Sean. He worked on his drinking, his drug addiction, and his anger, trying to overcome those demons till the day he died. By all accounts, the John Lennon that died in 1980 is not the John Lennon who struck Cynthia Powell at school. That John Lennon was living a cleaner, healthier life. He was a better father to both his sons by that point, and was trying to repair his relationship with Julian. He was a good husband to Yoko and saw himself living a long and happy life.

John Lennon cannot and should not be boiled down to just his flaws. It’s one thing as a fan to acknowledge that John is a flawed human being (news flash: they all are), but he is also much bigger than that.

So once again, why am I writing this long, rambling post, once again talking about John Lennon’s virtues? Because if I can’t engage with healthy discourse about the Beatles and John Lennon, then I can’t engage with discourse on the topic at all. So, I probably will post less Beatles stuff because I find it hard to go through the tags or even my dash (well, I can’t really go through my dash anymore for other reasons I’m not going to get into right now). If any of my followers have noticed a lot of Taron posts lately, it’s not just because I love Taron, it’s because Taron’s tag is pretty much the only location on tumblr I feel 100% comfortable in. Any foray into John or the Beatles tags becomes uncomfortable and guilt-ridden quickly.

So, I probably will post less about the Beatles until I can find a blog or a tag that doesn’t give me bad vibes. My fandom will likely outgrow tumblr and the internet. I have a ton of Beatles books; maybe I’ll rely on those. I am doing official scholarly research on them now. Maybe that will be my outlet. I’m sorry if I post less about them now, but it’s really for my own well-being.

#John lennon #the beatles

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dreamingabouttaron · 4 years

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The Assistant Part 30

It had been a long cold wet winters day, you were currently wrapped up tightly under the bed covers reading a book, in an attempt to keep yourself warm before you drifted off into a deep sleep. Taron had just finished up some last minute emails before he joined you up in the bedroom. You watched him, as you peered over the edge of your book, as he waltzes around the bedroom effortlessly getting changed for bed. He hadn’t said a word since he stepped in the room.

Truth be told he had been quiet for most of the evening, not making too much conversation only small talk here and there. At first, you didn’t think much of it; you knew he was busy with work so he had lots on him mind. Yet now, as he gracefully got ready for bed, you could tell he was all in his head about something.

You closed your book, placing it in your lap as Taron pulled back the bed covers and carefully climbing into bed next to you. Once he was settled in, you shifted your body so that you were facing him. You could see the wrinkles appear on his forehead, you could see he had a lot going through his mind. Taron leant his head on your chest to listen to your heartbeat. The rhythmic beats sending relaxing signals to his mind and body. After a while he leaned up on his elbow to look at you. He stared at your lips as to silently asking for permission. You gave him a small nod and smiled at him. He leaned down to kiss you and hummed in content feeling your lips against his. After needing air, he pulled away with a sly smile. He looked at you with a beautiful smile on his face the only issue was it didn’t quite meet his eyes.

“Are you okay? You seem quiet.” You say gently, trying to test the waters.

“Yeah… yeah. I’m… fine.” He stuttered, no matter how good his acting was, you knew him and he wasn’t convincing you.

“Okay, spill it.”

“Spill what?” he asked innocently as he could.

“You have been quiet all evening. I thought maybe it was because you had so much work to do but even now I can tell something is wrong.”

“It’s nothing, beautiful.” He places his hand over yours to try and convince you too let it go, however you just looked at him and raised your eyebrow as if to say ‘really’. Staring him down until he cracked.

“Okay, okay it’s something. I have something to ask you.”

“Okay, now I’m worried.” You reply starting to feel restless at his words.

He clutches you hand a little harder, “No it’s nothing to worry about, it also no pressure.”

“Okay.” You drag out the word a little waiting for him to continue, getting more nervous at the second.

“You know I love you right?” You nod straight away, of course, you knew.

“Remember you can say no.” You nod again in understanding. “I was wondering if maybe you’d… only if you want to of course… Be my date to the Golden Globes? I want the world to know I’m taken, that you are mine and I’m yours.”

You were stunned, out of all the things there were going through your mind it’s safe to say that wasn’t one of them. You’d be lying if you didn’t want the same thing, let the world know how much you loved this man who was laying in front of you.

“Wow.” Was all you could manage to say.

“I mean you don’t have to be my date. We could go separately and meet there. I just want you to be there with me. O-or, you know if you aren’t ready yet, I-I completely understand, there’s no pressure at all.” You could see the anxiety take over him; he always did start to ramble when he got a bit nervous.

You push the covers off the both of you carefully placing your book on your bedside table. Turning to Taron before he could say another word, you throw one of your legs over his thigh so you were sitting comfortably in his lap. He instantly runs his hands up your legs, over your hips round to just above your ass, pulling you closer to him. You see his anxiety starting to fade away just a little. Placing both of your hand on either side of his head, tipping his head up to look at you before running your hand through his hair to the nape of his neck pulling it a little causing him to groan.

“Taron. Of course, I want to be the girl that’s there by your side. Just tell me how and when. I want to be there for you and it’s about time you let me.” You pause for a second letting out a chuckle trying to lighten the mood a little and get him to relax. It doesn’t work you feel his entire body tense underneath you. “I would love nothing more than to be your date Mr Egerton.” You tell him. Instantly a smile forms beneath your hand so you move its way. You feel his body relax again.

“Really?” He asked. His voice is so quiet you barely hear him. You nod, causing his smile to grow even more. His hand grips the base of your neck pulling you him as his places his lips over yours kissing you, once, twice, three times, before saying, “You know for a second there I thought you were going to say no.” He places another quick kiss to your lips before his hand returns to your lower back. “For once I am looking forward to one of these things. Mainly because you’ll be standing next to me looking all beautiful, letting the world know that you’re mine and I’m yours.” Taron muttered against your lips.

“You’re such an idiot you know that, right?” You chuckle.

“Uh-huh, but I’m your idiot.”

“Yes.” You run your hands through his hair. “Yes, you are.”

You let your head fall forward onto his chest with a huff, extracting your hands so that you could wrap your arms around his slender waist. You breathed him in slowly, closing your eyes as you did your best to leech every bit of calming and concerned energy he radiated.

His large hands rubbed soothing circles over your back, working out some of the tension that you had been carrying with you all day. He dropped his head to leave a soft kiss on the top of your head.

“I love you Megan.”

***

“I feel like I’m going fall over my feet in these shoes and break a bone right in front of everyone,” You looked down at your feet and back up at Taron who looked at you with amusement, he could tell you were getting yourself worked up and stressed.

Taron moves closer to you and snakes both his arms around your waist, “Well, I think you look beautiful. Broken bones or not.” You feel your cheeks grow rosey at his words. “I can’t wait to show you off. The future Mrs Egerton,” He says as he looks down at the silver ring on your finger before bringing it up to his lips to kiss lightly.

“And, what makes you think she’s going to take your name?” You heard Tina call from the corner of the room as she walks over to check her son out. You try to keep a straight face but a smile starts tugging at your lips. Taron leans forward and places a gentle kiss on your lips before he pulls his mum into a warm hug.

You watch as Mari and Rosie come rushing into the room all dressed up. Your heart melted as you watched Taron interact with his sisters. This really was going to be an evening to remember. Everything felt so special.

As you arrived at the red carpet. The cameras were blinding. Absolutely blinding. Like nothing you had ever experienced before. “I think I might be blind after this, how do you stand these lights?” You whisper to Taron as you walk down the red carpet, stopping every so often to pose. It felt awfully unnatural to you, and you felt like maybe the photographers would have preferred if you weren’t there. You partly wished you had walked straight in with the rest of the family, but Taron wanted you there, next to him. You couldn’t help but notice the warm proud smile he had plastered on his face as he held you close.

As you near the entry of the enormous auditorium the two of you stopped just once more. The flashes seem to be coming from every direction. People called Taron’s name loudly, all wanting his picture before the event. And that’s when Taron did something that made everyone roar with excitement. He leant in towards you and gives you a soft kiss on the lips. He hovered over your lips for a few seconds, nearly as if he wanted every photographer to have time to take a photo of you two. Taron wanted everyone to know that he was yours and you were his.

You sat next to Taron in a large ballroom, surrounded by hundreds of people as they announced the nominees for one of the final awards of the night. Every time he shifted, he sparkled, blinding and beautiful. The room filled with cheers as Taron’s name was announced. Your heart was pumping out of your chest, Taron had won. Taron had won a bloody Golden Globe. The whole table was cheering and celebrating. You could see the surprise in his eyes that were wide and filling up with tears, happy ones. He hadn’t thought he would win, he had told you that several times after finding out he was nominated. But you had assured him and nobody stood a chance this year, not after his heartfelt performance in Rocketman. Taron stumbled to his feet and dragged you up with him. He gave you such a hug you thought he’d never let you go. “I love you so much.” You whispered in his ear before you pulled away. You were so proud of him. You look up at him with starry eyes and nudged him forward towards the stage.

Taron was nearly out of breath when he got up on stage. His mouth was in a wide grin, his eyes crinkled. “Wow, I really wish I had written something…” He looks out in the crowd, looking for your face but you’re far away and he can’t locate you. “I am so honoured to be nominated alongside a bunch of legitimate icons….” One of his hands is holding up the golden miniature stature and the other hand is over his heart. Your heart felt like it was going to burst as you watch the man you loved more than anything in the world up there on that stage accepting this award.

He looked so happy, there were only a few times you’d seen the joy that was now displayed on his face. One of those times was when you said yes to his marriage proposal a few months back.

He continued, “I’d also like to thank my fiancé. The love of my life. I love you. Also, my mother is in here somewhere! This one’s for you mam!” Tears start to form in your eyes as you scan the room in search of Tina and the rest of the family. You couldn’t imagine the pride that Tina must be feeling as she watches her son up there.

When the award ceremony was over, it was time for the much talked about after party. Taron was walking close beside you, one hand on the small of your back whilst the other held tightly onto Tina’s hand. You walked hand in hand with Mari and Rosie, keeping them close. You looked at the family around you and your heart exploded. You couldn’t believe your luck.

The beginning of your relationship had been rocky. You had experienced your fair share of ups and downs. But from the first moment Taron met you, he was transfixed. Absolutely head over heels. It didn't take too long before you fell madly in love with him. Taron had said it hundreds of times that that was his greatest achievement, making you fall in love with him. You always blushed like mad when he said it. But it was true. You both couldn’t be happier. He was your rock, your world and this was just the beginning.

Tag list -

@primaba11erina @hitmeonmytspot @fuseburner @autumnslovex @huathmoon94 @y0ungandfuckingdumb @tiffleen

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So, several months and 70,707 words later. We have finished. I can not thank everyone enough. I didn’t think I would write 15 chapters let alone 30! I can’t believe it has come to an end. Thank you for all your love and support, you have no idea how much it means to me.

I am going to open my requests, if you would like me to write anything I would love to hear it!

All the best xx

#taron egerton #taron egerton imagine #taron egerton fanfiction #taron egerton fanfic #Fanfiction #i love taron

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writingformadderton · 4 years

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The Book of You and I - Part 4

Ship: Madderton

Word Count: 3458

Summary: Taron keeps his distance from his friends and Richard,feeling betrayed. Richard gives him time but it quickly shows how bad they cope with it. When they mess up a scene Richard suggests to talk about it and Taron wants Dexter with them to calm them both down. During the talk a lot of things come up that change Taron’s life all over again.

Additional Tags: emotional hurt, dizzy, Tiny dancer, argument, memories, crying, comfort

Dedicated to @taron-eggmcmuffin ❤️

Part 3 Part 5

Taron stays at home during those two weeks and barely eats anything. He knows he should, but he can’t convince himself to do so. His head hurts and he’s emotionally unstable, feeling terrible.

He looked up his and Richard’s name for the first time and found articles about them getting into the car crash. As he scrolls further down, he finds some where they suggested a relationship between them. Taron clicks on “images” and finds a ton of them. Most are of them being outside together, having dinner or giving interviews. Taron looks at the pictures closely and sees the looks they shared. “God you’re getting brainwashed by these dumbass articles.” he growls and finds a interview of them on YouTube. He considers watching it and stares at his screen for ten minutes until it turns off automatically. Taron gives himself a push, logs back in and clicks on it. “Holy shit.” he breathes out when he sees it’s from five years ago. He looks at himself, only twenty-four back then and Richard next to him, twenty-seven years old. They fool around through the interview just like they did a couple weeks ago. He watches other ones and sees the way their behavior with each other changes throughout the years. They get more comfortable around another, finish each other’s sentences and seem to know exactly what the other one is going to say. But were they really a couple? Not possible. Probably just stupid shit talk.

He throws his phone aside and stares up at the ceiling. Tomorrow would be his first day back at work. The first day he sees Dexter and Richard. Bryce told him she would be on set tomorrow as well to keep him company and Taron was glad to have her around.

Taron isn’t fully sure if it’s good to return to work tomorrow, but he knows he needs a daily routine again. He sat around the house more than he could possibly remember of his old life. T growls a bit and turns onto his side, staring out of the window. It’s like the bright sun and deep blue sky wanna mock him, not fitting his mood at all.

After a sleepless night, he gets up with a horrible headache and takes a quick shower. He dresses up slowly as every movement hurts his head and grabs his apartment keys. Welp, welcome back to the real world.

On set he is greeted by Bryce, who watches him worried. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Just haven’t slept properly the last four days.” he says and rubs his face tiredly. If this bloody headache would stop, he would feel better.

She hands him a pair of glasses. “Put those on.”

“Thanks.” he mumbles and follows her to the main building. Going in with Bryce by his side gives him a bit of security. Inside, he takes the glasses off again. The light isn’t as bright. When he comes inside the meeting room, he sees Dexter chatting with Jamie and Elton is also here today.

Just when they’re about to start, Richard steps inside, taking off his sunglasses. T glances at him and sees the dark circles underneath his eyes, the same he had seen beneath his own this morning. Ten minutes into the meeting, Taron feels himself getting dizzy and looks down at the floor irritated. His head hurts and he starts to feel sick while his world starts spinning.

“Taron, are you okay?” Bryce asks worried as her friend stumbles a bit and tries to hold himself up.

Richard looks over at them and tenses when he sees how pale Taron gets. “Sit him down.” he says to Bryce. Jamie helps her sit Taron down on the floor. Richard walks over to him and sits down in front of him. “Are you dizzy?” he asks and looks at him observantly.

“Mm.” T just hums and tries to blend out the black spots before his eyes.

“You should drink some water.” Rich says and takes a bottle from Dex. He opens it and holds it towards Taron. T takes it with shaking hands and takes a tiny gulp. Richard watches him closely. It’s scary to see him like that again. “When did you eat properly the last time?” he asks, knowing T stopped doing it whenever he was sad or extremely stressed. Taron just shrugs his shoulders and Rich nods slowly. The rest starts talking, giving them some space and Taron rubs his face tiredly. “Can we talk later?” Richard asks low enough for only T to hear and Taron looks at him shortly before shaking his head with tears in his eyes. “Okay. Then go home, eat something and get some sleep. You definitely pushed it too far.” he says.

“I can only tell you the same.” Taron says and raises his eyebrows at him.

Rich laughs weakly and pushes himself up. Taron gets up as well shaking a bit and sits down on the sofa. Bryce sits next to him and rubs his shoulder shortly. Dexter continues and Richard leans against the wall, feeling his own body growing tired. T was right. He needs sleep and a proper meal. But the last two weeks have made it impossible. He felt bad about lying to Taron, and he still doesn’t know the whole truth.

Three days later, both of them come to set feeling better physically. T shoots the Tiny Dancer scene and has some fun on set with Jamie before starting to sing. Soon enough, it’s already late and he’s freezing from standing in the dark, cold nighttime atmosphere. He sits on the top step of a little staircase and the scene starts. Taron hears Richard approaching him and takes a deep breath. Rich starts saying his lines and sits down next to him. As soon as Taron looks into those deep blue eyes, he feels the hurt welling back up inside him. He looks at him remaining silent and feels a tear running down his cheek. “I can’t do this.” he whispers and Rich bites his lower lip. “I can’t pretend to fall in love with you after what happened.”

“I know.” Richard says low-voiced and looks at him sad. “I’m sorry, T. Can we talk about it, please?”

Taron takes a shuddery breath and looks down at his knees. “When?”

“After the shoot maybe? I’ll drive you home… if you want to.” he suggests.

T nods slowly. “Okay. But I think we should take Dex with us.”

“Yea.” Richard says and gets up. “Dex?” he shouts and Dexter comes over to them. “We can’t do this right now. Not like this.” their director nods and looks at them. “We wanna talk about it.”

“Everything?” Dex asks and watches Richard curiously.

“Everything.” he says firmly and nods.

“Can you come with us? Probably won’t end well otherwise.” T admits and gets up.

“If that’s okay with you.” Dexter says and Taron nods. Seems like his friend wasn’t that mad at him.

Richard changed into jeans and a sweater, which is a lot more comfortable at 11:30pm than the suit he was wearing before. Taron changed into a pair of blue jeans and his favorite sweater. Seeing it makes Rich smiles a bit. It’s one of his that Taron kept when they got together. They sit down at the round table and Taron doesn’t know where to look.

“Do either of you wants to start?” Dexter asks them and both remain silent, hoping the other one would start. “Taron?”

T shifts in his seat a bit before looking at them. “You two made me feel like shit, honestly. You lied to my face and you were the ones I trusted with my stupid life that I know nothing about.” he feels the tears coming back but he doesn’t care this time. They needed see what they did to him. How he felt.

“I can understand that you’re upset about it but we had our reasons. The last time Richard tried to tell you, you told him kindly to leave and never talked to him again because you couldn’t remember him.” Dex states.

“Oh and that’s my fault now? I wasn’t the one who was driving. I was the victim in this crash.” Taron growls and shoots his friend a glare.

“Okay, next time I’ll run over a woman and probably kill her. Is that what you want?” Rich spits out and looks at him angrily. What happened that evening was neither his nor Taron’s fault. “You’d be traumatized now, just like I am. Sometimes it’s better not to remember something.” he says and sees Taron’s face going blank.

“Yeah, because you’re having such a hard time.” T laughs pejoratively and rolls his eyes.

“You don’t know shit about me. So don’t judge me on the last two months you’ve known me.” Richard says harshly and looks at him serious.

“And that’s it.” T leans forward and looks at him, feeling himself getting angry. “I don’t know shit about all of you. I don’t know shit about where I grew up, my family, my friends. The worst out of all of them is I don’t know shit about myself.” his voice cracks as he leans back in his chair again and shakes his head. “And it’s fucking gross to play with that, both of you. You don’t lie to someone who feels lost and depends on stories from others.”

“I tried to protect you, Taron. I know this wasn’t the best way.” Rich tries and gets cut off by Taron letting out a loud breath.

“If I really mean so much to you that you feel the need to protect me…then don’t fucking play with my issues.” he says through gritted teeth. “I need to be able to trust you, because trust is all that I have left.”

“I know.” The Scottish mumbles.

“No you don’t! Everyone thinks they know how it is for me, but they don’t. I can’t sleep because I’m constantly overthinking. I forget to eat. I panic late at night when my brain realizes once more there’s nothing left to remember!” he stops for a moment and wipes away the tear on his cheek. “I pull myself out of this shit day after day. You weren’t there to help!”

“I was, Taron. As you know now, I drove the bloody car. I was the one calming you down when you hit your head and I pulled you out of the car unconscious and covered in blood.” Richard says and it’s the first time he actually puts it into words in front of Taron. His throat gets tight at the thought of Taron at that evening.

“Well you were gone after the car crash, left me on my own. Where was the guy the media called my boyfriend, huh? Probably realized I’m no longer useful and just dropped me off at home.” Taron spits out and tucks his legs up on his seat.

“Who told you that shit?” he asks frowning.

“Don’t answer with a question.” he just says and looks at him, challenging him.

“I picked you up from the hospital and brought you home. On the first day, you handed me a picture of us. The second day, you said you need space. You practically erased me from your life. I would’ve never left you willingly.”

Taron remains silent for a moment and all the anger slowly fades. “And how should I know that you’re not lying to me again, right now?” he asks tiredly.

“Taron, Richard was your boyfriend.” Dexter steps in and T looks at him with raised eyebrows.

“How could you wanna prove that? With some shitty articles blogs would post when I went out with whoever for dinner tonight?” his voice shakes heavy now and he slips into hurt and sadness instead of anger now.

“I can’t do more than tell you again, I was there.” Rich says tiredly, getting frustrated.

“Prove it.” T says and shrugs his shoulders.

Richard groans and rubs his face. How the fuck was I supposed to prove the relationship was real? Suddenly, he remembers the letter he wrote for Taron on the day he left. “Hey, my name is Taron Egerton. I was involved in a bad car accident and am suffering from a retrograde amnesia, which means I forgot a lot.”

Dex watches him confused. “What the heck are you doing?”

“Shut up for a second.” T says and looks at Richard shocked.

“If I feel bad right now, it would be lovely if you could get me to a hospital. If I’m on my own and I don’t know what’s going on, I should call my mother.” Richard continues with a shaking voice.

“Here is her number. Thank you.” Taron finishes it and Richards nods. “Why the fuck do you know this?”

“Because I wrote that when I brought you home and you didn’t want me around anymore.”

Taron gets up quickly and gets a pen and a piece of paper. “Write it down.” he says and presses his lips together. Rich does as he says and writes down the first sentence. Taron recognizes his hand writing immediately and swallows hard. Did he really -?

Richard takes out his phone and removes the phone case. He takes out a picture and hands it to Taron. “That’s what you gave me.” Taron looks at the picture. That’s actually very cute. He’s smiling softly into the camera while Richard presses a kiss into his hair with his eyes closed. His eyes fill with tears and he looks back at Rich shocked. “That’s my sweater.” he says and points at T.

“It’s my favorite.” Taron admits and looks down at the dark blue soft sweater that gave him comfort so often before.

“I know.” Rich smiles softly. He searches for Taron’s number and presses call. The words “My love” appear on the screen and Taron looks down at his phone a bit startled. “The reason why my Air Pods connected so fast to your phone was because we always listened to your music with my headphones.” Richard looks up to Taron, standing there completely in shock and disbelief. “Can I show you something on your phone?”

Taron nods timidly and hands it to him. He watches Richard opening his photo gallery and scrolling down to the folder with the password. “I didn’t know the password, so I couldn’t open it.” Richard types it in and looks up to him shortly, before writing it down at the piece of paper. Taron’s eyes fill with tears and they threaten to fall down his cheeks as he sees the words “Theloveofmylife.”. He turns pale when he looks back at his phone and sees all the pictures of Rich and him kissing, cuddling, holding hands or at premieres together.

Taron falls onto his chair heavily and takes his phone back with shaking hands. He looks at the letter, Richard’s handwriting and the password. “Fuck.” is all he gets out and buries his face in his hands for a moment. When he looks up, tears are rolling down his face and he lets out a shuddery breath, tangling his hands in his hair while leaning forward. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks and his voice cracks in the middle of the sentence.

“When you knew about it and pushed me away, I decided to not tell you this time. I wanted to let you figure things out on your own and put the pieces together with time. It felt like forcing the fact of us as a couple onto you.” Richard explains lowly. “You can’t tell someone that they love you.”

“I-I don’t know what to say right now.” T says and his voice threatens to crack again.

“Do you understand now why we didn’t tell you about Rich and you in the first place?” Dex asks carefully and T nods slowly.

“How long have we been together?” he asks and looks at Rich, who watches him sad.

“Seven months. You wanted to make it official because you were sick of hiding it. You were talking about a future together and - two minutes later we crashed into a wall.”

“So we were happy?” Rich nods. “Did we fight?”

“Not often, harmless.” he says. “It was always about unimportant things and you came back after five minutes to cuddle.” he chuckles softly.

“Was I-Was I a good boyfriend?” he asks timidly.

“The best.” he says with a sad smile.

Taron sits up straight and nods slowly. “Tell me about the car crash. Please.”

Richard knows he’s the only one who can tell him the whole story and so he gives in. “Everything was fine until a drunk woman suddenly crossed the street. I couldn’t stop the car fast enough, so I pulled sideways. We crashed into a wall and you hit your head really bad. Had a nasty wound on your forehead. I was a bit caught up in the shock but then you asked for me and threw up. You couldn’t sit up straight because of the pain and I tried to calm you down… And then you passed out.”

“Did I say anything before I passed out?” Taron asks curiously.

“I love you forever, okay?” Richard hesitantly says and swallows hard after seeing Taron’s face going blank. “Listen, I won’t force anything onto you and if you don’t feel good around me anymore I’ll back out of the role. Blame it on stress or whatever.” Rich rubs his face tiredly and bites his lower lip nervously. “If you want me to go, I’ll do it.”

The Welsh looks up to him caught up in thoughts. “Why would you do that?”

“Because you were the most important person in my life and I wouldn’t do anything to make you feel bad on purpose.” Richard looks down at the table for a moment. “Which is why I felt like shit as well those past two weeks.”

Taron watches him startled and looks deep into Richard’s eyes. He wasn’t lying. T looks back at the picture and the letter before looking at Richard. “I’m so sorry for this mess, Rich.” he says and his voice cracks. “And the car crash wasn’t your fault. I was talking dumb shit.”

“It’s not your fault, T.” Richard assures him weakly.

Taron grabs his hand hesitantly and looks at him with tears in his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Rich.” Richard smiles at him sadly and shakes his head. It wasn’t Taron’s fault that he forgot everything. “Can I hug you?” T asks timidly as he gets up and Rich just opens his arms, doing the same. Taron wraps his arms around his waist and buries his face in his shoulder.

Richard tightens his hesitant grip around Taron and softly rubs his back as he starts crying. “Hey, it’s okay.” he whispers and Taron just shakes his head.

His whole world just got turned upside down. Again. He would have never thought that Richard and him had been a thing. Maybe that was the reason that he felt so good around him so quickly and got hurt so badly when he found out about the lie. “I’m so sorry. I completely ignored the fact that I’m not the only one who’s struggling with this.”

“You didn’t know. It’s okay, bub.” Rich says and fondles over his hair. He knows exactly where to touch him to calm and comfort him.

“Please give me a chance to make it right again. I was talking shit about you.” T begs and clings onto him.

Richard pulls back and cups Taron’s face. “Calm down. You did nothing wrong.” he looks into his sad puppy eyes and feels the urge to kiss him. But he holds himself back and wraps him into a hug again. “Don’t blame yourself now, please.”

“I’m so sick of this shit.” T sniffs into his shoulder.

“I know.” Rich mumbles. “Me too, T. Me too.”

“Please don’t lie to me again. I really can’t take this.” he chokes out and sobs into his shoulder helplessly.

“I won’t.” Rich promises and plants a soft kiss into his hair.

@fuseburner @sarahegerton96 @multicoloredchicken @primaba11erina @anxiety-at-the-classroom @maddertonmyheart @madderton-obsessed

#taron egerton #Richard Madden #taron x richard #madderton #dexter fletcher #taron egerton fic #richard madden fic #madderton fic #taron egerton fluff #madderton fluff #richard madden fluff #emotional hurt #hurt/comfort #Memories #memory loss #the book of you and i

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tefanfics · 4 years

Text

Don’t you trust me?: Part 2

So someone said they’re like a part two and to be honest, so would I. Don’t you trust me? <- Part 1

Also let’s add a disclaimer here: this whole entire blog is pure fiction before someone tries to say anything. The first part was inspired entirely by the two prompts I was given and a song I happened to hear. Just like this part is song inspired as well.

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To set the mood: Song: One More Night by Maroon 5 And in the kitchen with his glass of brandy:

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“Haven’t decided yet?” You repeated his words as you stood, frozen in place as the foot of the bed.

There was a pounding in your chest as your heart began to race. Your stomach turned to knots as anger formed in your body. Your hands turned to fists as you turned on your heel and followed Taron out of the bedroom.

“What the hell kind of answer is that?” You spat, your glaring burning into his back.

Taron kept walking. His feet carried him to the kitchen where he refreshed his glass of brandy.

“Answer me.”

Taron slowly lifted the glass to his lips and took a long drink before turning around and leaning against the counter. He gulped as he met your gaze.

“A valid one,” he said with a small shrug.

You scoffed, your arms crossing over your chest as you stood by the entrance of the kitchen. “Bullshit,” you spat. “Do you realize that you just accused me of cheating on you, Taron?”

“Must’ve been the alcohol talking,” Taron carried on as he held up the glass of brandy for you to see. He took another long drink of it and offered a persuasive smile.

“No, dammit.” Your voice began to raise as you looked at him. You were angry and hurt yourself now. “You’re not going to own up to your accusations, are you?”

Taron stood there, not saying anything. The glass was in his hand as he looked at your with one eyebrow slightly arched. Eventually he pushed himself off the counter and started to move past you.

You snatched the glass from his hand despite his protests and dumped it into the sink. You filled it with water and shoved it back in his hands before storming out of the kitchen.

You lingered in the living room now, hands planted on your hips again as you started to feeling angry with yourself. You were furious with him yet you wanted to take care of him, to help him get the alcohol out of his system.

You slapped a hand to your mouth as you felt a sob begin to rise in your chest. You argued with yourself to try and keep it at bay, not willing to give into the sadness that was there. You wouldn’t give him that satisfaction.

You managed to mostly collect yourself, ready to return and demand a real answer from Taron. But that was put to a halt as you turned, seeing Taron before you.

“I didn’t mean it,” he said quietly as he met your gaze. “I shouldn’t have said those things but I did and I’m stupid for it.”

Your hand shook at your sides as you looked away from him. It was too painful to keep eye contact.

“Please, Y/N. Please forgive me.”

Suddenly you felt Taron directly in front of you as he put a hand on your waist, his touch delicate as if you could break at any second.

“I panicked and assumed the worst,” he kept going. “I know you’d never do anything like that.”

Your head began to shake from side to side as you gulped back another sob. You would not let it happen, no matter how much it wanted to escape. And especially not when Taron dropped to his knees before you, holding onto your legs. He continued to plead and beg, throwing out apologies like there was no tomorrow but it was no use.

“Let go of me,” you choked out, your eyes shut as you tried to keep your head straight. You wanted to forgive him and just move on but you knew you couldn’t. For your own good, you couldn’t. “Let go of me, Taron,” you demanded. You moved out of his grasp and walked past him.

At the beginning of the hallway, you stopped. Your hand rested on the doorframe as you looked ahead of you.

“One last night here. That’s it,” you announced. “Tomorrow I’ll pack my things and be gone.”

“Baby, no. Stay with me please,” Taron said quickly as he got to his feet. You knew better than to look at him as you heard his voice break. You’d give in if you did.

You willed yourself to start down the hallway again. “I don’t even want to stay here tonight.”

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catboyruy · 4 years

Note

here are some more songs that fit your vibe (sorry if these are bad or you don't like them rhdbfcusdbj)!! 'cry me a river' by michael buble, 'lovely' by billie eilish, 'can't sleep love' by pentatonix, 'dancing queen' by abba, 'rise up' by andra day, 'faster car' by loving caliber, 'bouquet' by ethan jewell, 'i'm still standing' specifically the taron egerton version from Sing, and 'edge of great' from jatp. (also sorry there's so many aaahhh)

Cry me a river is the song Liam from 1D sang when he was auditioning for the X factor and that’s all I need to know that it’s perfect. Skdnkd I loveeee the song Lovely, Billie can step on my and Id thank her. Any and all songs by the pentatonix gives me life, that’s a fat yes please.

KANDJSBS AHHHH STOP IT YOU DID NOT JUST SAY AN ABBA SONG GGIVES YOU ME VIBES AHHS. THIS CURED MY DEPRESSION. IM THRIVING NOW. It is an honor, when I tell you I listen to dancing queen a minimum of 3 times a day.. I-

Rise up is a whole ass vibe and mood and I’m gonna cry. I’ve never heard faster car but I love it?? Let me just add that to every playlist I can ummmm. Oh hell yes bouquet gives me the best of vibes. I love this sofnjsnsn The fact that it’s specifically the Taron version of I’m still standing makes it a million times better and I officially love you most in life. The perfection. LSNDISBHSK edge of great is too good for me. We stan we love. WERE THRIVING IN THIS HOUSEHOLDDDD

#RICKIIIIII #AHHHH #Your music taste speaks to my soul on every level #i WILL cry #i am EMOtional now #not me checking over this four times before posting to make sure i didn’t miss a song #lc asks

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taste-thewaste · 5 years

Text

Bedtime (Madderton fic)

A lovely anon prompted me to write for kissing prompt #18, public kiss. I was in a fluffy mood so that’s where this was born from. This is sickeningly, nauseatingly fluffy and I love soft boys!!! Sorry not sorry lol. Thanks for reading and for prompting, anon!!

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“We don’t have to go, love,” Richard said, pushing his hips into Taron and nuzzling his neck. Taron’s hair was all over the place, and Richard had forgotten how tight the boy liked to wear his jeans. He slipped his hand in Taron’s back pocket and his tongue in Taron’s mouth; he tasted like peanuts and vaguely of cigarette smoke, a once-in-a-while vice that he used to de-stress when he had to travel. “God, you look so fucking good.”

Taron smiled gently into Richard’s dark brown curls. “That’s why I’m here, to meet your folks and see your life. This is part of your life, and I want to meet your friends. We should do it.”

The event in question was bound to be a rather insufferable one, an engagement party for one of Richard’s old mates who he didn’t see much of anymore. It wasn’t as though he didn’t want to be here, wasn’t as though he didn’t still care about his old mates. They stayed in touch as much as any group of old friends did, but between everyone’s careers and families, his burgeoning relationship with Taron and the pressures of acting, it was difficult. When he’d gotten the invite to the engagement party and it fell smack in the middle of Taron’s planned visit to Scotland to meet Richard’s parents, he’d just assumed it would be fine if they attended, and RSVP’d ‘yes’.

Then Taron had had to push his trip back a week, and the party fell right on the day he was due to arrive. Taron’s plane landed at 5:45, and the party started at 7:30. Taron headed to the bathroom for a quick shower-”I smell like plane, Dickie, I can’t very well meet these blokes smelling like airline peanuts and sweat”- while Richard agonized over what to wear.

The entire time they’d been getting ready, Richard kept pausing not only to snuggle his long-lost boyfriend, but also to remind him that they absolutely didn’t have to go if he was too tired.

Finally, the time came to leave, and Richard placed a firm hand on Taron’s shoulder. “Last chance. I can blow off these folks and spend the whole night cuddled up on the couch with you. I’d much prefer it. Especially if you’re jet-lagged.” His big blue eyes were wide and almost a touch pleading with Taron, the idea of staying home and holding T in his arms a thought too strong to ignore.

Taron rolled his eyes and kissed Richard softly. “We’ve plenty of time for that, love. When we get back for example. Bring me ‘round your friends...unless you’re embarrassed of me, of course.” Taron’s cheeky smile and wiggling of his eyebrows very plainly said that he knew that wasn’t the case; Richard could’ve fucked him right then and there.

“Ay, alright,” Richard said, kissing him quickly on the cheek. “An hour, tops. Then back home.”

That was how the pair found themselves at an overpriced, overcrowded restaurant surrounded by chums that Richard hadn’t seen in eons. They were good for a laugh, these friends of his, but the conversations they had were completely superficial and devoid of any substance. They asked him about his movies, for Christ’s sake, these men he’d known for well over a decade acted star-struck around he and Taron, and by the time dinner arrived, he was thoroughly annoyed.

Richard picked at his food and chimed in when the conversation called for it, and he was so preoccupied with his own thoughts that it took him until the end of dinner to notice that Taron hadn’t said a thing.

Finally, Richard looked over at Taron, and was immediately concerned. He’d barely picked at the food on his plate, pushing most of it around into a messy pile. His eyes were trained on the table.

Richard reached over and took Taron’s hand gently in his own. “Alright, love?” he asked, furrowing his brows in concern.

Taron looked up at him and Richard could tell what was wrong: he was drop-dead exhausted. Taron was an expressive man, someone who couldn’t hide his emotions from his face. Whether he was angry, sad, elated, or stressed, you could tell just by looking at him, and fatigue was no different. Taron’s eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, and as Richard watched he rubbed them with balled-up fists like a sleepy toddler. His cheeks were flushed a deep pink, like they always were when he got tired, and he blinked slowly.

“I’m so sorry, Rich. It all just caught up to me at once, but I’m okay.” Taron offered Richard a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, and picked up his fork again to try to eat more of his dinner.

“We can go,” Richard said, low and under his breath, and Taron looked up at him with such gratitude that Richard almost laughed.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course, darlin’. Look at you, you look a mess,” Richard said, squeezing Taron’s hand.

Taron let out a small chuckle. “Gee, thanks.”

Richard rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean. You look exhausted, and positively adorable. It’s sickening, honestly,” Richard said with a wry smile, although he meant it. Taron’s sleepy eyes and flushed cheeks made him look soft and snuggly and all Richard wanted to do was take him home, put him to bed, and wrap his arms around him. At the moment, he didn’t even think about doing anything more. All he wanted to do was get Taron home so he could get some rest. Usually not one for public affection, hating the feeling of being under a microscope, he couldn’t resist planting a small kiss on Taron’s lips and running his thumb softly across his warm cheeks.

His mates whistled, and Richard’s face flushed to match Taron’s. “Sod off,” he said under his breath, and Taron grinned before kissing him back even harder.

“At least give them something to whistle about,” he whispered into Richard’s parted lips when they broke apart. “Now, can we get out of here? I’m knackered and I want you to hold me and tell me I’m pretty.”

Richard laughed and grabbed his coat. “Don’t have to ask me twice.”

#my fic #kissing prompts #Madderton fanfiction #Richard Madden fanfiction #taron egerton fanfiction #fluff fluff fluff #sleepy!Taron #cuddly!Dickie

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bluesfortheredj · 5 years

Text

Rocketman Pt. 3 - The Conclusion.

“Dancing?” Taron questions with a grimace.

“Dancing?” Richard echoes.

“Dancing,” Dexter nods, “lessons start today.”

“I’ve got two left feet,” Richard states, “I can’t dance.”

“Well that’s why Kevin is here to teach you both. I expect to see at least two correct steps by the end of the day. You’ve got an hour to kill before you’re expected in the studio, so good luck you two!” Dexter grins before leaving the room.

Richard and Taron are left alone giving each other equally bewildered stares as they try to process the fact that they will very much be shoved out of their comfort zones in a whole other way now. Getting naked with one another and rolling around on a bed was one thing, but dancing was something else, and for some reason felt a little more intimidating than getting their kit off.

“So, you heard from (Y/N) at all?” Taron asks, finding a good excuse to bring you up and cut the baffled silence.

“Nah,” Richard lies, knowing full well Taron would also be lenient with the truth, “you?”

“Nope,” he replies, popping the ‘p’ purposefully.

“Liar.”

“So are you.”

It had only been 48 hours since your last encounter with the two of them yet you’d been talking constantly, and it wasn’t an easy task separating the conversations when you had both men messaging you at the same time. There had been more than a couple of near misses with replies being sent to the wrong person but thankfully you’d noticed just in time and corrected yourself. You couldn’t lie, the attention being lavished upon you was exhilarating, but their messages reminded you that ultimately there was a decision to make sooner or later, and right now you still had no idea what to do.

On the one hand there was Richard who was very much for talking about silly things, giving you the sweetest compliments, and you found yourself giggling a lot at your phone when you spoke to him, then on the other hand you had Taron who was more of a stronger personality, didn’t mince his words when he spoke, and certainly let you know just how much he wanted you. Neither of them were making it easy for you, and at this rate you’d have to choose no one rather than try and decide between them.

“Who do you think she’s going to choose then?” Taron asks after a couple of minutes silence as they weigh each other up.

“I don’t know,” Richard chuckles, “not a clue. Why, who do you think she’ll go for?”

“I couldn’t possibly even begin to guess. What do you talk to her about?”

“As if I’m going to tell you that, and as if you’re going to tell me if I ask you the same. Is this even a good idea? Have we taken it too far? What if we’ve just ended up pushing her away with the pressure we’re putting on her?” Richard worries.

“When was the last time you two spoke?” Taron asks as he moves towards his friend and places his hand on his shoulder.

“Last night.”

“Right, well same here. So we’ll lay off for today, yeah? Give her some breathing space. I’m sure this dancing will take our minds off of it all... For at least a couple of hours anyway,” Taron smirks.

The two men make their way to the studio early to get changed into plain tops and shorts, then play some music to try and get into the mood for doing some actual dance moves. They step from side to side then when they catch each others eye a whole lot of laughter ensues.

“Dad dancing!” Taron laughs.

“It’s what I do best!” Richard winks.

“Well… It’s a start,” the dance instructor grins as he enters the room, “nice to meet you both, I’m Kevin.”

After a short chat about the experience, or lack of, that both guys have had with dancing, Kevin gets them doing a simple warm up which includes stepping side to side, then back to front and moving their arms freely to loosen their bodies up. He shows them a basic move of crossing over their feet as they step to the side, then doing a short slide as they extend their arms out, and they begin to copy him slowly.

“That’s it, cross, step, step, slide,” he encourages as they move along the floor.

After a few more starter moves like this he puts them together and arranges their pose to show the strongest hold as they prepare for a bit of ballroom dancing.

“Strong arms,” Kevin reminds them as he pushes against their hold and they wobble a little, “now remember, that’s Taron’s space, and that’s Richard’s space,” he says as he gestures to the space between them, “hold that pose.”

Giggles erupt from the men as they start to step around in a circle holding their frame as rigid as they could, and Kevin rolls his eyes a the red faces that appear as they try not to burst into laughter as one another.

“How on earth did you get through filming intimate scenes if you’re like this when dancing?” he asks.

“There were a lot of takes,” Taron winks.

“We need some drama, some passion, some… Ah!” he grins as he spots you walking along outside the window, “excuse me, hi, hello!” Kevin shouts after you, making you turn around with a confused look on your face, “hey, sorry to bother you, but we need some help in here, would you mind dancing with a couple of very handsome men to help them learn some steps?”

You laugh, then look through the window to see Taron and Richard standing there with expectant looks as they stare at you through the glass, and you nod quietly before following Kevin inside the studio. Was this fate, or just a happy accident? Whatever it was you were more than happy that it happened, and the thought of being close to these two once again causes shivers to run up and down your spine.

“Right, so I’ve got…”

“(Y/N),” Richard smiles, finishing Kevin’s sentence.

“Ah, so you all know each other?” he asks, and you all nod in silence as each of you think about your previous encounters.

“Excellent, so this’ll be much easier,” Kevin grins, “Richard, you’re up first.”

“Hi,” Richard whispers with a shy smile as he walks up to you.

“Hi,” you grin back while Kevin arranges you both into position with your hands up and linked on one side with your elbows slightly bent, and your arms in a shallow semi-circle on the other with his hand on your shoulder blade and your hand resting on his upper arm.

“Perfect,” Kevin nods, “now (Y/N), you’ll be stepping back as Richard steps forward, and vice versa, so whatever I say to him, you do the opposite, okay?”

“Got it,” you smile as your eyes concentrate on Richard’s light blue orbs that appear to be staring into your soul.

He looked good today, hell, both of them looked good today. He was in a tight black short sleeved t-shirt and baggy shorts that stopped just above his knees, and it was a struggle to keep your eyes off of his arms flexing every time you both moved. His face was soft as always, the strong jawline hidden a little by the stubble that had grown over the weekend which made him that much more attractive in your opinion, and his natural curls were bouncing as you followed your steps; that little streak of grey catching your eye every now and again.

Every now and again you could see Taron watching you both intently from the sidelines, his lips in a thing line at the frustration of not being able to touch you yet. He was wearing his blue Rocketman baseball cap to hide his bad haircut and his white t-shirt clung to his body in all the right places, with his shorts showing his strong calves perfectly.

“Ready?” Richard smirks, and before you can ask what for he pulls you against him quickly then dips you down.

“That was… unexpected, but nice improvisation. Taron, you’re next. Are you okay, (Y/N)? Do you need some water or anything?” Kevin asks.

“I’m good,” you nod, “all good.”

Taron strides over to you with purpose and before Kevin can help you get into the correct pose, he grabs your waist and moves you slowly from side to side as his hips press against yours.

“Taron, that’s-”

“Passionate, dramatic, and sexy, right?” he says as he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively and spins you around unexpectedly, “isn’t that what you wanted?”

“Well at least you were listening to me earlier...” Kevin sighs.

Taron continues to make up dance moves with you now that your back was pressed against his chest, and he runs his hands up and down the sides of your body after lifting your arms out of the way.

“What do you think, Kev? Something like this?” he asks as he spins you back to face him and pulls you into his body before slowly squatting down front of you as his hands trail down your front.

“Okay,” you whisper to yourself as you look down at Taron who was now on his knees looking up at you.

It was certainly a sight to see but a small cough from Richard soon grabs your attention, and you’re quick to look up at him and his concerned expression. Taron tuts then stands up again to block your view while Kevin stands there with his head in his hand as he wonders what to do with these guys.

“How about we just take a break?” he suggests, “I think (Y/N) might need some fresh air after all these male hormones going wild in here...”

He gives you a wink and you laugh at his comment, then take your leave and find a quiet spot outside in the courtyard on a bench which sits neatly underneath a large tree to give you some relief from the sun. Taron soon appears in the doorway and heads straight for you, taking a seat so close that your thighs are touching before he’s spoken a word, and he leans into you to give you a gentle nudge.

“You okay?” he asks.

“I’m good. You alright?”

“Yeah, not bad. How are you, uh, feeling about all this? Richard was a little worried earlier.”

“Stuck between a rock and a hard place,” you chuckle, “what was he worried about?”

“Sorry to hear that,” he sighs, “it’s our fault for putting you in this situation. He was worried we were pushing you away.”

You hum in response then look away from him, but he’s quick to place a hand on your cheek and direct your gaze back to his face. He smiles at you and you begin to melt under his touch, then he tucks your hair behind your ear with his free hand, and leans in to kiss you. His lips are soft and the kiss is sensually slow, but you find yourself thinking about how you miss the feel of Richard’s stubble against your skin, and you’re quick to lean back from him.

“Sorry,” you frown, “I… My head is just all over the place. Do I have to make a decision?”

“Not if you don’t want to...” Taron smiles as he leans his forehead against yours, “I’m sure we could come to some arrangement. Why don’t we go find Richard?”

“Okay,” you reply nervously.

Could this work? Could the three of you come to a decision about this and would they really be okay with sharing you? Surely you couldn’t have the best of both worlds, that would be greedy. But then again, they’re the ones who started it all, so must have discussed all outcomes, right? Taron takes your hand as you walk back inside to find Richard walking towards you both on his way to see where you’d got to, and you stand in a slightly awkward silence for a few seconds.

“(Y/N) has a… conundrum. She’s hoping we can help. We should go somewhere to talk,” Taron says, and Richard nods to a room opposite you both.

“What’s the conundrum then?” he asks when you all enter the cramped office and the door is safely shut behind the three of you.

“Well it would appear that we’re both very handsome, exceptional at giving her orgasms, and she can’t possibly make a decision,” Taron smirks.

“I didn’t quite put it like that,” you laugh, “but that’s the general feeling, yes.”

“So I said, why choose? Why not have both of us? We’re all adults here, I’m sure we can come to some arrangement that suits all of us,” Taron says matter of factly.

Richard perches on the edge of the desk as he brings his hand up to his chin while he thinks it over, and you stand by the door as your heart starts to race with anxiety. If it were up to Richard he’d want you all to himself; sure it was fun sharing the last couple of times, but your conversations run deeper than just sex, there were feelings there, and strong ones at that. Then again he’d rather share you than have none of you, so if this really was the only way of doing that, then so be it. As long as he got to wake up next to you more than Taron did, then he didn’t really mind what happened.

“On one condition,” Richard finally says after what seemed like half an hour, but in reality was only a couple of minutes.

“Go on...” Taron says.

“If it’s okay with (Y/N), I’d like the majority of the time with her.”

Taron looks at his friend, the sincerity etched clear as day on his face at the proposal, and he knows that his feelings run much deeper than his own. Richard was the sensitive one of the two for sure, and although Taron was definitely more than just physically attracted to you, he knew that with Richard it was probably considered love already.

“Yep, that’s good with me,” you nod, “we’d better be getting back...”

“I think we can spare a few minutes just the three of us one last time. What do you think, Taron?” Richard asks boldly as he stands up and reaches out for your hand that you gladly give to him.

Taron nods with a smile as Richard turns you to face him and when you meet his green eyes you see that glint of cheekiness that made you quiver when he caught you with your hand down your knickers that first time in the editing room. You lean back against Richard as Taron slips his hand down underneath your clothes and curls his hand around so that his fingers can explore your folds, and Richard leans down to your shoulder to place a kiss against your neck.

“Do you like that?” he whispers, “do you like him touching you? Pushing his fingers inside you?”

“Yeah,” you whimper, “I do.”

“And do you want me to do the same?” he asks, his voice thick with lust and his accent much more pronounced.

You melt into his body further at his question and nod your head vigorously as you find yourself unable to say even one word. Richard smiles against your neck then slides his hand down against your bum cheek after Taron somehow undone your jeans without you even realising, and his hand travels underneath you until he meets Taron’s fingers. You gasp as he pushes them slowly inside you right against the other digits that were currently pumping in and out of your core, and he purposely starts to move them at a difference pace.

“How does that feel?” Richard breathes, his breath warming your ear.

You’re completely unable to form any sort of comprehensive reply, and all that falls from your lips are a string of whimpers and whines as you close your eyes and tilt your head back to rest on Richard’s shoulder. The two men smile to themselves as they watch you lose all self control under their combined touch, then Richard glides his free hand up your top and grabs onto one of your breasts roughly, digging his fingers into the soft flesh and kneading it.

“Richard,” you manage to pant as you feel a slickness spread across the top of your inner thighs.

You were close and they could both tell from the way your breathing had suddenly become erratic and your body was getting heavier as your legs were starting to give way beneath you. Richard pinches your nipple as his arm gets tighter across your chest to help support you, then Taron’s free hand joins the fun as he starts to run a finger over your clit at an unbelievably quick pace. Whimpers turn to loud pants, which then turn to stuttered cries as you clench tightly around all four fingers, and release with a power that leaves stars in your eyes when you finally open them.

“Shit,” you breathe as their digits leave you.

“Good?” Taron asks.

“I think I just had an out of body experience,” you pant.

“Very good then,” Richard confirms as he licks his fingers clean then does your jeans up for you.

“Do you know how hot you look right now?” Taron asks as he studies your flushed face.

Richard’s quick to turn you to face him and when you do, his lips land on yours before you get a chance to take a breath.

“Yeah you’re right, but then she looks hot all the time,” he smirks when he pulls away.

Taron gives your bum a sharp smack before leaving the room to clean himself up, and Richard strokes your hair back from your face so he can press a kiss to your forehead with a smile.

“I think this is going to work,” he says softly.

#richard madden #richard madden x reader #taron egerton #taron egerton x reader #taron smut #richard madden smut #rocketman imagine

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kitkatwinchester · 5 years

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Anyone else disappointed by the Oscar Nominations, or is it just me?

Admittedly, I, surprisingly, haven’t seen quite a few of the movies that got nominated, but there were several movies I did see that were barely on the list or not on there at all that I really enjoyed. Also, I like to think of myself as pretty pop-culture savvy and pretty good at movie-watching, but I haven’t even HEARD of several of this year’s nominations, which is baffling to me. And I saw 1917 and Joker and loved them both, so I fully support all of their nominations wholeheartedly. I hope they win a bunch. But, like, Rocketman? Knives Out? Only one nomination each, and I thought those movies were AMAZING! And Taron Egerton didn’t get a Best Actor nomination?? No Best Actress for Ana de Armas either?? Really? My mom tried to tell me Rocketman wasn’t the type of movie to get multiple nominations, especially for Best Picture or Best Actor, but I would like to combat that with the fact that Bohemian Rhapsody got nominated for everything under the sun last year AND won in several categories, so why didn’t the same thing happen for Rocketman? I thought it was just as good. But whatever I guess. (Admittedly, I love Taron Egerton and Elton John, so I might be biased, but I feel like people generally agree with me. But oh well.) Also. Small point, but did I miss something?? Is Mr. Rogers NOT the main character of A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood? Because WHY on EARTH is Tom Hanks up for SUPPORTING actor?? That makes zero sense to me, but okay Hollywood. And okay, I’m sorry, but I was not that impressed with The Irishman or Marriage Story. I certainly understand the cinematic value of The Irishman, but I honestly found the story line and execution kind of boring, and yet here it is with ten nominations. While I did find the story line of Marriage Story much more interesting with solid acting, I didn’t necessarily see anything crazy special about it that makes me feel it deserves all four of its nominations. Then again, I have some negative bias with that one that I’m not going to go into. (I haven’t seen Once Upon a Time in Hollywood or Jojo Rabbit yet, so I can’t comment on those, but don’t worry, I’ll be seeing them soon. And yes, I know, how could I have missed those ones. Good question, don’t have a good excuse, I’m gonna watch them soon, moving on.) And while Bombshell admittedly wasn’t necessarily one of the stronger movies in comparison to things like 1917 and Joker--at least in my opinion--I thought it was pretty good, and I was expecting it to get WAY more nominations given its cast, story line, and theme, but I guess I was wrong, given that it only got nominations for actresses and makeup. Also, the animated movies are kinda weird, but I guess I don’t really know what I was expecting there. Definitely not Missing Link, I can tell you that much. And I haven’t even heard of I Lost My Body, which sounds and looks kind of weird, but I guess I’ll have to watch the whole thing to know for sure. In any case, I’m rooting for How to Train Your Dragon 3. Sorry Toy Story 4. Also also, Parasite kinda came out of nowhere and swept up a bunch of nominations, but thinking about it and the whole message of the movie, I suppose it makes sense. Still kind of surprises me though. Also also ALSO, and I’m adding this now, having officially tallied. Not one, not two, but THREE of the Academy Award nominated movies, best picture or otherwise, are Netflix films. NETFLIX films. That’s absolutely insane, and really says something about a changing society. And honestly, I’m not really sure how to feel about it. I don’t know. Usually I’m super excited about the Oscars, but for some reason, having seen this year’s nominees, I feel less invested in them than I usually do. Maybe there’s a weird bias involved for another reason, or maybe there’s something else bugging me about it that I can’t put my finger on, but in any case, I’m kind of disappointed. But hey. I’ll still try to have fun with it, and maybe the few things I am rooting for will win, at least in some of the categories. And maybe after seeing Once Upon a Time in Hollywood and Jojo Rabbit, I’ll feel better. Who knows. Maybe I just need to be in a different mood lol. I guess we’ll see.

P.S. Of COURSE I loved Avengers: Endgame with every fiber of my being, more than any of the other movies on this list!!! But knowing how the Oscars work and knowing that Marvel movies don’t tend to resonate with audiences in a way that other films do (which, I suppose is fair. They’re not exactly about sexual harassment or social classes or any big themes like that--they’re more fun and can be a little more surface level. Though, if you ask me, there are PLENTY of deeper meanings that give them their own cinematic quality, but I suppose the point still stands), I wasn’t expecting it to get anything other than Visual Effects. Maybe Sound Editing and/or Mixing, but even that was an uncertainty. And, despite its nomination, I don’t think it’s going to win, as unfortunate as that is. But hey! Who cares! It’ll always have its place in my little fangirl heart. ;) P.P.S. Yikes. Sorry for the long rant and babble. I got a little bit more carried away than I was expecting lol. I praise you if you got through all of this, and if you didn’t, don’t feel bad. I didn’t necessarily expect you to. I tend to talk a lot. XD ;) But if you did read it all, let me know how you feel, and feel free to message me if you wanna start a conversation about any of these movies or any other movies! I always love talking about movies! (Clearly. XD) :D

#oscars 2019 #oscar nominations 2019 #is there something wrong with me??#am i being too silly over this?#who cares #it's tumblr #let the venter vent #also the link gif is only there so i could separate the ps from the rest of the text lol

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cilldaracailin · 4 years

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Save Me

Hello my Tumblr Lovelys!

Happy Weekend!

Thanks for all the love and reads and comments on the last story.

Here is the next part for you all :)

Suze xx

*Disclaimer - I don't know Taron and this is all just fiction*

*DISCLAIMER - This part contains content that may be upsetting to some such as trauma and aniexty*

“Your emotions make you human. Even the unpleasant ones have a purpose. Don't lock them away. If you ignore them, they just get louder and angrier.”

Opening the creche on Saturday morning for training was always a mood killer but this particular Saturday morning, Robyn’s hands were shaking so much, she set the alarm off and it took her five tries to get the right code in, the deafening nose of the alarm finally stopping. The blaring alarm had done nothing for her aching head and she pushed open the office door, dropping into her chair, her head going straight to her hands, her fingers digging into her scalp.

She was dreading this training, knew well it had to be done but it crept up on her so quickly and the thoughts of going through the first aid refresher course that she normally enjoyed was filling her with horror. She pulled her hands from her hair and the sleeves of Taron’s black jumper up over her trembling fingers, trying to get some warmth into them. Too big and so wonderfully comfortable, Robyn wanted to feel some sort of closeness to him, even more than ever today. She had even sprayed the jumper with his aftershave, using the bottle he had given her for her birthday to make the ribbed jumper smell like him but when it was supposed to calm her, the usual familiar scent was making everything just a little bit worse as behind her closed eyes all she could picture was a bleeding Taron unconscious under her hands.

She stood up quickly when the doorbell rang, her heart racing at the sudden interruption and walked to the front door to greet the first aid trainer. She was supposed to have arrived half an hour ago to set up the preschool room upstairs for the training but stood in her home trying to think of every excuse to avoid coming to the training and when she had come up with a decent one, realised it wouldn’t work in convincing her manager so drove to the creche late, giving her no time at all to prepare not only the creche but her head for the instructor.

“Aiden, hey come on in.”

“Robyn, lovely to see you again.”

“You too.” Aiden was the trainer who had always provided the first aid training for the staff in the creche since Robyn had been with the company and this was her sixth training with him, both greeting each other with hand shake. “I am running late this morning Aiden. So sorry. Give me five minutes to get upstairs set up for you.”

“No worries Robyn. I have to get the gear from the car anyway.”

“Just let me prop the door open with the door stop. It will make it easier for you.” Robyn quickly set the door open. “You can bring everything upstairs Aiden.”

“Thanks Robyn.”

They parted at the door and while Aiden went back out to his car to carry in the start of his first aid equipment, Robyn took the stairs two at a time, pulling open the door at the top of the stairs, making her way into the Preschool room, so glad she had asked the girls yesterday evening to move all the chairs and tables into the smaller room, leaving eight small chairs out in a semi-circle for the staff taking part in the training course. She opened all the windows and the fire exit door in the small room to let some fresh air circulate before heading back down the stairs to the kitchen. As she filled some jugs with water, Emma walked in.

“Good morning.”

Emma was bright and cheery, everything Robyn wasn’t feeling that morning but she turned and gave her best smile. “Good morning.” She replied with what he prayed was the right amount of enthusiasm for a Saturday morning course. “I am running a bit behind. Sorry.”

“No worries. Me too. Saturday mornings, right?” Emma came back into the kitchen after dropping her bag in the office. “What can I do for you?” Her eyes were immediately drawn to the black oversized jumper Robyn wore and it so obviously belonged to a man and Emma knew it would only take her one guess to figure which man it once belonged too, having lightly teased her about wearing Taron’s black jumper as she met her at their gate in the airport in Paris. As she stepped to stand beside Robyn, she also got the most gorgeous scent of an aftershave and Emma was very quickly putting two and two together of where Robyn’s mind set was already so early in the morning and was so thankful to have gotten a phone call from Taron himself twenty minutes ago to say he was getting in a car and would be in Kilcreen just after eleven, provided traffic was on his side. “Upstairs set up?”

“Yep, and I opened the windows. Just to let some air in.” Robyn was filling another jug.

“Great.”

“I figured we can close them later. A bit chilly this morning.” Robyn turned off the tap and moved to open one of the presses to take out some colourful plastic cups.

“That’s fine Robyn. Let me carry these up for you.” Emma lifted the two jugs from the counter.

“It’s ok. I can manage.”

“Well, I am going to help you anyway.” Emma walked away with one of the jugs, while Robyn took the other one. Emma turned into the hallway, Aiden stopping to let her pass, his hands full as he carried two mannequin bags but she stopped in her tracks when she heard a light crash and splash of water. “Robyn!”

Emma put her jugs on the bottom stair and quickly walked back to the kitchen door, a large puddle of water in the hallway, the plastic jug still spinning a little on the ground, the cups rolling around the kitchen floor, Robyn standing with her hands on her chest, her whole face filled with a look of alarm.

Aiden walking in with the two covered mannequins in his hands gave Robyn a fright and she was kicking herself for being so stupid, for jumping when her eyes went to the two bags he carried and she dropped the jug of water and cups straight on the floor. “Shit sorry!” She moved to the press to her left to pull out a towel, bending down to clean up the mess. “Sorry!” She apologised again as she mopped up the water. She felt Emma come to hunch down in front of her. “I am ok. The water jug slipped. Trying to carry too much.”

“Robyn…”

“I am fine Emma. It just slipped.” She looked to the older woman. “I am fine.”

“Robyn…”

“Emma, leave it.” Robyn hissed at her manager, scowling at her. She looked over Emma’s head to Aiden who was still stood waiting in the hallway. “Aiden, sorry. You just startled me.”

“Sorry Robyn.” The first aid trainer was nearly sure she had seen him coming in the door and was so surprised with her reaction.

“It’s ok Aiden. Head on up. I will clean this up.”

“Aiden watch the jug on the bottom step.” Emma warned as she walked around Robyn to get another towel from the press to help clean up the large water spill.

“Thanks Emma.”

Once she was sure the trainer was out of ear shot, Emma pulled Robyn to her feet by her two wrists. “Call him.”

Robyn yanked her arms from Emma’s hands, bending down to finish cleaning up the spill.

“Robyn Quinn you go and you call him now.”

“No Emma. I am fine.” Robyn felt herself being hauled back up so she was standing face to face with her manager.

“You are not fine and have not been fine for the last two days. Jumpy, pale and spacing out on me? You need to call Taron.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Robyn…”

“No Emma.” Robyn almost shouted, stepping back into the kitchen, her shoes kicking some of the cups on the floor. “I am not calling him. He is working and working long hours on a very difficult set. He is already up to his eye with his own stuff, he doesn’t need to hear about my trivial day of training.”

“You froze yesterday over a simple nose bleed. This course is not going to be easy for you and Taron is the only person who truly understands how you are feeling and please give that wonderful man a little more credit than that Robyn. He obviously doesn’t think your worries are trivial when he made you stay with him one more night at his home to make sure you slept after you had a nightmare about the training you are about to undertake, looking after you the whole time.” Emma crossed her arms over her chest. “You know right well Robyn that he deserves so much more than silence from you about this weekend.”

“This course is one for day and after four is finished. I am not calling him to worry him over something that is going to be done soon.”

“Robyn…”

“No Emma!” Robyn yelled, her hands scraping down her face. “Just no. I am not calling him. I dropped a jug of water. That is all.”

“Hey Emma, Robyn.” One of the other six staff members taking the course walked in through the open door.

“Hi Lisa.” Robyn walked towards the kitchen door and picked up the wet towel, completely ignoring Emma. “All set for today?”

“Just about.”

Robyn followed Lisa towards the small locker room, slipping in past her co-worker to get to the washing machine to put the wet towel in. She knew Emma was only looking out for her but she refused to drag Taron into her one-day issue. Her heart dropped as she added the powder to the drawer. She had been horrible to Emma and she deserved none of her attitude. “Fuck.” She muttered to herself, slamming the door of the washing machine closed. Her mood was spiralling out of control and now as well as feeling tense and apprehensive about the training, she was angry at herself for how she had spoken to one of her best friends.

“Robyn?” She looked up to see Lisa standing near her. “You ok?”

“Yeah sorry.”

“No need to say sorry. Today is going to be tough for you right? I can’t imagine how you are feeling having to re-train in the CPR after what you did for your friend.”

Robyn’s word caught in her throat. “Yeah… I mean… yeah hard.” She gave Lisa a nod. “I am just going to get this machine going. Preschool is ready to go for the training.”

“Guess I will make my way up.”

Robyn was left alone and she moved to hide in the little alcove under the stairs, hunching down, her hands going into her hair again. She could feel her heart starting to race and not in the way she was used to when she was around Taron. This time it was a horrible tightening feeling, her whole body taking deep wheezy breathes as she could feel a panic building around her. She was disgusted at her own behaviour, feeling completely ashamed of how she was treating her best friends, how she was treating Taron, regarding him with no respect for all the time he had told her to lean on him, to call him whenever she needed, to let him in.

But she just couldn’t bring herself to call him. Not right now.

“I know I would have called in sick if I was her. Imagine trying to do the CPR after already using it in real life. Not easy.”

“Robyn would never call in sick but I do think she is going to struggle with today.”

“Probably means the training is going to run later too. We will probably end up stopping and starting for her.”

“Jade!”

“I just mean because she is going to need lots of breaks.”

The busy and loud conversation of the staff attending the training, rolled out into the hallway and up the stairs and Robyn found herself sitting down with her head on her knees, a tear rolling down her cheek. She pulled her phone from her pocket and hoovered over number four on her speed dial, Taron’s number pre-programmed in but dropped her hand and phone onto the floor, her head still hung in shame. She couldn’t bring herself to call him, to interrupt his concentration. He was finally settled into his newest job, feeling so much more confident in the script, finding a way to leave his day on set so he wasn’t lugging heavy emotions home with him. She dragged her hands from her hair and to her temples, rubbing them hard, trying to push her headache away.

“Robyn?”

She felt a hand on her knee and looing up saw Emma crouched down beside her.

“I am sorry.” Robyn whispered. “So sorry.”

“Hey, it is ok.”

Robyn felt her body being tucked into a hug. “Emma…”

“I don’t mean to push you Robyn. Really, I don’t but I hate seeing you like this and I know how great Taron is with you, how he has this knack for helping you and he deserves to know what is going on. He can help you through it all.” Emma rubbed her friends back slowly, that wonderful fragrant aftershave filling her nose with every breath she took. “Robyn you don’t have to do the training today.”

“If I don’t do it today, I will never do it.” Robyn breathed.

“Would it really be such a big deal to call him?”

“I can’t Emma.”

With a sigh, the older woman nodded. She knew the young woman in her arms so well, knew how obstinate she could be and it was Robyn herself who would have to admit she needed the help but inside she as so glad she had already called Taron, spoke to him herself. It was so clear Robyn was not going to make it through the day in one piece “You leave whenever you need too. Just walk out and if it gets too hard and you can’t do it, I am not going to think any less of you. I can’t even imagine what you are feeling.”

“Thank you.” Robyn let Emma help her to her feet. “I am sorry for shouting at you in the kitchen.”

“Forget about it. I can’t imagine the stress you feel right now.”

“Just a tad but it still wasn’t right or fair on you. You didn’t deserve any of my frustrations about today.”

“It’s long forgotten.” Emma watched Robyn take some deep breaths. “Go and take five minutes to gather yourself. Maybe even text him? You don’t have to tell him about the training but at least to say good morning, wish him a good day? I will sort out the wash and get the girls settled in. Go outside, get some air and come upstairs in ten. Aiden will take a little while to finish setting up.”

“Ok. Thanks Emma.”

Without even looking at her manager, Robyn squeezed past her and made her way to the office, her bag still on the floor where she left it.

“Morning Robyn.”

The last staff member coming for the training walked by the door waving and Robyn did her best to acknowledge her as she dug in her bag for some tissues. She dropped her phone into the bag as she searched for the orange packet and once she found the tissues, Taron’s face stared at her from the pop socket still stuck on the back of her black case. She grabbed her phone too and headed out the front door, briskly walking over to her car and standing behind it, crouching down so she couldn’t be seen. She opened her phone with her fingerprint, a text from Taron waiting to be read from earlier that morning. She had seen it come through just before six when she was awake and was sure he sent it as he left for set. Opening it now, a simple heart emoji was all it read and it just enough for her head to fall forward. With trembling fingers, she sent back a love heart in return and locked her phone. It was all she could bring herself to do and stayed shivering outside for another fifteen minutes using the tissues to wipe falling years before she managed to pull herself together, changed her face to show no emotion, one she hadn’t had to use in such a long time and walked back towards the creche, punching in the code to let her in. She dropped her phone and packet of tissues back into her bag and took her glasses case out. With no sleep and tired eyes, she knew she was going to need her glasses for reading whatever materials Aiden was going to hand out for the course. Glasses in hand, she made her way up the stairs and to the preschool room.

All the staff were sitting chatting and when she strolled in, a silence fluttered in the room, Robyn taking her seat on the end of the row, the one nearest the door right beside Emma. She very much appreciated the little tap she felt on her leg from Emma’s leg, giving her own one back. Slipping her glasses on, she turned her attention the trainer at the top of the room.

“Right so let’s get started then.” Aiden went through the basic house rules, explaining how their day would run, promising to get finished on time, a little earlier if he could manage it. “So, you all probably noticed I am old school when it comes to training. I don’t go for projectors and laptops. I have given everybody a stapled handout which has all the course content from today and I will be working through it, giving practical examples as we go and then getting everyone to complete their own practical too. We will work in pairs for everything except the CPR which as you know from previous training, you have to complete by yourself. Now before we go on, I just need to double check for any medical reasons why anyone can’t do any part of the course.” When everyone shook their heads, Aiden continued. “And also, just to check has anyone had to use their first aid training before. Now I don’t mean a scraped knee or simple bump on the head as you find here in creche. Anything more serious.”

Robyn had been sitting with her legs crossed, Taron’s jumper pulled over her hands and she sat with her hands dug in between her knees, her eyes looking over Aiden’s head as he spoke. Without even looking to her left, she could feel every face turn her way one at a time, until seven pair of eyes stared at her. She glanced to Emma who gave her a very encouraging nod. Uncrossing her legs, she took her first look to the instructor, since she walked into the room.

“I erm…” She moved her hands to under her arms, trying to keep the heat in. “I well I…”

“Robyn?” Aiden used a soft voice to try and coax the clearly nervous woman in front of him. He knew from the moment he greeted her that morning that there was something very different about her, especially when she dropped the full jug of water in the hallway. Robyn always helped him set up his gear when he came to do the course at the creche in Kilcreen and was always full of chat but that morning she had been quiet, tense and very on edge. It seemed his instincts were correct as she stammered a nervy explanation.

“Last year, I got caught up in a shop robbery in Florida and helped out a man who had been shot with a bullet, using CPR to save his life before the paramedics arrived.”

“Wow.” Aiden didn’t really know how to response. Normally he got the answer of someone had been around when an arm was broken or been involved in a sports injury but it was so rare for some his trainees to have actually used the CPR that he taught. “What happened?”

“Wrong place wrong time.” Robyn shrugged, her eyes to the floor, her voice quiet. “Just happened to be in the store as it was held up by some men with guns, who had no problem in firing some shots off. The man, Taron…” Robyn offered up his name with some hesitation. “Taron had been hit by a rouge bullet and then a shelf full of glass candles collapsed on him.” She shuffled in her chair. “I went to help him and his friend. He had lost a lot of blood from the wound on his arm from the bullet, had some badly damaged ribs and many cuts and bruises caused from glass. He was pretty beaten up and as the time wore on, slowly deteriorated.” Robyn could have heard a pin drop in the room. Although she knew the staff of the creche had a vague idea of what she had done, none had ever really heard her spoken so open about what she had actually done. “We sat together for about nine hours before the paramedics actually arrived but just as they got to us, Taron lost consciousness, stopped breathing. It was pure adrenaline that got me through it.”

“How long did you have to do the CPR?” Aiden asked genuinely interested. As a trained paramedic too, he was always captivated by those who had been involved in such lifesaving instances.

“Not long. One full round, with breathes and then seven more compressions.” Robyn closed her eyes, trying to keep herself calm, breathing in that soothing scent from Taron’s jumper. “He came through right after that.”

“Any secondary injuries?” Aiden asked taking some steps closer to her.

Robyn shook her head. “Some bruising on his chest, my hands but nothing else.” She felt a hand on her knee and looked up to see Aiden crouched down in front of her.

“Remarkable thing CPR isn’t it?” He asked her with a very kind voice. “You just do what you have to do but it is only after that the reality of what happened sinks in and it is something that doesn’t just go away. It stays with you too and I hate to tell you this but always will.” He placed a second hand on knee. “And how was the man after? Tommy?”

“Taron.” Robyn corrected.

“Taron. How was he?”

“He was fine. Few days in hospital, few weeks of recovery but absolutely fine.”

“You still keep in contact with him?”

It was the first time since she started to explain about what happened that Robyn lifted her eyes to meet Aiden’s brown ones. “He is my best friend.” She whispered.

Aiden grinned a little. “Good to have you around then I guess.” He joked, so glad to see a small smile on her face. “How long since it happened?”

“It’s a year this August.”

“If you need a break, just go.” He said with pure seriousness in his voice. “No one will think any less of you if it gets too much. Let’s take one section at a time alright? It was my plan to do the CPR before lunch anyway so after there is a decent break. I don’t want you to rush into it and you are under no pressure to do it Robyn, alright? I know it is not easy. It is bloody hard and even being in this room after what you have done, is such an accomplishment.”

Feeling so thankful for the experience and understanding of the man in front of her, Robyn nodded. It was the kind of empathetic knowledge and consideration she desperately needed from the trainer.

“Does he know about the training today?” Aiden asked as gently as he could, looking to Emma as Robyn shook her head, her eyes darting to the floor again. “So, like I said, you need a break, just go. It won’t go against your cert at the end of the day.”

“Thanks Aiden.”

The instructor stood up and headed back to the top of the room. “That is why we do this.” He said the strength and serious returning to his voice. “What Robyn did is why we teach this course, why it is so important for us to learn these skills. I know we are under no obligation to use what we know and what we have learnt but Robyn is a prime example of why we should. She saved a man’s life and I can guarantee he is more than thankful for what she did. Now, let’s get started with what is first aid.”

Robyn tuned Aiden out for the first half an hour of the course, her eyes still on the floor, her hands pulling at a loose strand in the sleeve of Taron’s jumper. Shaking and with her stomach churning horribly with nerves, she hated having to speak out about what happened but knew it was needed for those around to understand why she might get up and leave and Aiden had been so considerate of her and she knew it was going to make her day a tiny bit easier. Only a tiny bit because everything else in front of her was terrifying. Trying to focus on the course and the facts Aiden was telling them about strokes, Robyn struggled so very hard to think about anything else except Taron, the CPR and upcoming skills she would have to show.

As the car passed over the Irish border, Taron wished he could stop his legs from shaking. They hopped up and down uncomfortably as he sat in the back of the blacked-out car. He had only been in the car for forty minutes but it felt so much longer and he was kicking himself for not following through with his own instincts and left Belfast earlier, arriving in Kilcreen before Robyn had even left her house. He had already given Emma a quick call to let her know he was on the way, but she hadn’t even seen Robyn yet so he had no idea how she was. The simple love heart emoji he got back in reply to his, lifted his spirits a little to know his Robyn was in there somewhere but he was still so overly concerned about her. Taron knew he should have been using the long car journey to sort his thoughts out, what he was going to say to her without causing an argument because he knew for certain that as soon as she saw him her defensives were going to go up but he prayed after everything they had been through, she would see why he came to her however he just didn’t know how he was going to start the conversation with her and his thoughts were so jumbled in his head and he was finding it so hard to not to go straight to those annoyances he was feeling.

He loved Robyn, there was no doubt in his mind about that but the way she shut him out was really frustrating him when he had opened nearly every part of him to her. Where he thought he was beginning to understand her, how she was opening up more to him, letting him in, sharing such horrid stories of her time with another man, the fact that she hadn’t told him about her first aid training when she knew about it was just ridiculous to him and he couldn’t his head around why. It was so clearly one of the reasons why she was having such sickening dreams again and surely talking to someone about what was going on her life would ease the pressure she constantly put on herself. He just needed to make sure he didn’t say the wrong thing, especially not when she had to complete the CPR training. He just wanted her to know he was there for her, no matter what her reaction would be to be, provided he found way to keep his own cool, even if fiery Robyn came out to him. Though at the same time, he needed her to understand that the way she had shut him out had really upset him.

“How long left?” He asked the driver in front of him.

“Maybe an hour? Depends on the traffic Taron.”

“Any chance…”

“I promised Matthew I would get you there safe Taron and am already going over the speed limit a tad.”

“Sorry.”

“I will get you there Taron but I will get your there unscathed and in one piece.”

“Thanks.”

Taron shuffled down in the seat, wrapping his arms around himself, his head resting on the back of the seat. His sleep had been restless, waking every ten to fifteen minutes as he clock watched just waiting for the alarm to go off but he was up and showered, ready and waiting to go before the alarm buzzed. Dressed in a black tank top, dark blue short sleeved summer checked shirt and black jeans, he felt a chill all over as he sat on the back seat. Probably not the best outfit to be wearing but he got dressed half asleep and was too nervous and jittery to change. He had managed to grab his hat and pair of sunglasses and slipped both on, the natural daylight hurting very tired eyes. Shivering, letting out a cold breath, he rubbed his bare arms up and down.

“Cold?” The driver asked. “Want me to turn on the heat for a while?”

“Please, if you don’t mind.”

“Sure. Typical Irish summer weather. Rain, rain and more rain.”

Taron nodded, hearing the whirl of the heater as it was turned on. It would take a couple of minutes before it reached him, before the car became warm, so he continued to rub his arms up and down trying to generate some self-made heat. He hadn’t brought a jumper with him and he didn’t even remember stuffing one in his pack, not too sure if he even put underwear in. It was such a rush, so late last night as he packed and he was so tired. Now as the car heated up, he could feel his eyes closing behind his sunglasses. His head tilted to the left so he was leaning a little against the window and the gentle noise of the car on the motorway and the increasing heat was comfortable and sleep crept into him.

He woke a little startled as the car jolted, the driver immediately apologising to Taron.

“Arsehole braked suddenly. Sorry Taron.”

“No worries. No harm done.” He pulled his sunglasses off, and rubbed his eyes, feeling a little worse after his sleep. “How long till we are in Kilcreen?” He asked slipping his glasses back on.

“Just there now.” The driver answered and Taron looked out the window immediately recognising the turn off that led to Robyn’s work, having walked down it in the blazing heat. He sat up straight in the seat, his previous chill replaced by a sudden sweat. The time he had hoped to use to prepare what he was going to say to Robyn had been spent sleeping and he was no more clear on what he wanted to say to her, starting to feel very anxious about turning up at her work once again without warning. Last time Robyn had welcomed him with open arms and wonderful tight hug but he wasn’t too sure that was the reception he was going to be met with his time.

The creche appeared in his eyeline as the car made its way toward the small car park in front and Robyn’s car was there parked up along with a many others, guessing the training was in full swing. Heart thumping and mind racing, Taron got out of the car, thanking the driver for bringing him to Robyn and waited for the car to pull away before he stepped up the door, his bag swung over his shoulder. Feeling a little de ja vu, he didn’t hesitate to press the doorbell. He had come to stand with Robyn and be her strong emotional support because he knew without a doubt she was going to need it whether she wanted to admit to it or not but in his heart he knew this time, Robyn needed to understand that her actions had most definitely burned him.

#Love #Friendship #Angst #Worries #Nervousness #CPR Training #Memories #Fear #Ignorance #Anger #Feelings #Emotions #Robyn and Taron

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songofadaydream · 5 years

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my real-time thoughts on rocketman the 4th time I’ve seen it in total and 2nd time this week, let’s go bois *very long post warning*

fair warning I just finished jojo rabbit less than an hour ago and it was way more emotional than I expected, so she’s probably going to be an emotional wreck tonight ladies!! :)) also, I will be pausing the movie throughout! just wanted to let you know

starting the night out right with some lay’s salt and vinegar chips and a lush face mask

not even a part of the movie but when the studio logos come on a version of goodbye yellow brick road and just *french kiss*

it’s starting and I am here for it!!

taron comes looking like an icon and a snack. actually, a whole meal. the heart glasses omggg

“how long’s this gonna take.” “that’s really up to you.”

i never noticed this before but taron stares right into the camera as he introduces himself

“my name is elton hercules john. and I’m an alcoholic. and a cocaine addict. and a sex addict. and a bulimic. i’m also a shopaholic who was problems with weed, prescription drugs, and anger management.”

“well my dealer was out of town I thought this seemed like a good alternative,”

“and I wanted to get better.”

um the transition into the full on musical number of the bitch is back.

this tiny little child actor playing elton saying bitch 10 million times. props to his parents for letting him do that.

um also his riffs??

just the way his mom says, “love to.”

god his dad is a DOUCHE

“when are you going to hug me”🥺🥺

the flashlight conducting scene!! they’re playing rocketman and it’s so beautiful and cute!! whe lil reggie/elton gets on the mini piano oh my god

when he looks at his mom’s fashion magazines...gay fashion icon beginnings...

*looks up* “can we go home,”

he starts playing his teacher’s song and she’s just like 😦😦

idk if this is an unpopular opinion but I don’t really like the I want love scene. I just don’t really like the switching of singer, the arrangement, and tempo. just my opinion though :/ also that’s the only weak scene of this movie I think

elton’s grandmother appreciation post send tweet

that last I want love though.

when his mom is clearly getting it on in a car and her date is like, “I’m..,,..a friend of.,.,,..your mum’s,.,,”

his dad leaves. heartbreaking!

when he wipes the tear away...

“i discovered records. and rock and roll :)”

playing classical music with an elvis presley haircut is an aesthetic no I don’t take criticism

“excuse me. you can’t put that there,” “why not,” “it’ll get knocked off.”

when he transforms into teenage elton and an amazing musical/dance number starts

that face taron makes when the door shuts on the car

“it’s not just your name. you gotta kill the person you were born to be in order to become the person you wanna be.”

that kiss with one of the band members is so hot.

peeing in a bottle in disgusting I’m sorry.

“what’d you say your name was again?” “elton.” “elton. elton what.” “john. elton john.”

ray is cute af. also the transcendental moment when he hands elton the envelope with bernie’s lyrics in it.

“one frothy coffee, no froth.”

jamie is so cute what the heckkkk

singing streets of loredo in a cafe is so wholesome and adorable

holy sHIT BORDER SONG IS STARTING

bernie and elton are literally so cute together as friends omg

also completely digging these like early 70s silk scarf things.

“yeah I could just take those songs and leave if you like,”

“what about the fact that you’re a f*g...your little friend here...is a homosexual.”

bernie not caring whether or not elton is is gay is Peak Pure ™

“oH fUcK”

when they stumble home drunk. the cuteness I can’t.

“you are a ssshhHHITT hot piano player, you have an aMAZING voice, and I’m telling you there is something special that happens...when you sing our songs.”

the way the two handle elton’s leaning in for a kiss is SO GOOD and I could write an entire essay on it. “we became inseparable after that. the brother I never had.”

“anyway I took his advice. told arabella. she took it quite well actually,” *cut to her throwing his piano out the window* “sHe KiLlEd mY pIaNo”

your song and everything about that scene is perfection. that’s all I have to say.

“you can’t just sPRING the troubadour on me.”

“put on a great

fucking

show. and just don’t kill yourself with drugs?”

amoreena is so good how didn’t I realize this until now!

doug flirting w/bernie kills me every time.

“ooh dude. what the hell’re you wearing?”

“my stage gear.”

*bernie stumbles in drunk* “reggie! reggie reggie. neil diamond is at the bar he’s talkin to leon russell and half the fuckin beach boys eh??”

“jesus sHIT bernie,”

that little, “well come on then,” after being yelled by bernie & ray

“please welcome all the way from london, england...”

ELTON JOHN

when he starts singing it’s like the smoothest molasses ever and I am HERE for it.

there’s an interview where taron says, and I quote, “those dungarees made my ass look massive” wholeheartedly agree my guy. but in best way possible

when they start floating

elton’s jacket and the magic that is the entirety of tiny dancer <3 <3

there’s a whole ass bed in a tipi?? what the hell

“so you like the songs then?” “not quite as much as the singer,” OH SHIT THE GAY TENSION

“there are moments in a rockstar’s life that defines who he is...and it’s going to be a wild ride,”

it’s a weird scene to like but I really love the take me to the pilot love scene. the song is so good and perfect for that moment, and they seem genuinely attracted to each other (even though john ends up being a huge dick later)

the way he takes the glasses off

the lil race to get their pants off is weird but it works

elton just seems so happy and content at the end and it’s so refreshing.

when he gets the shoes and the glasses <3

he looks so happy and fulfilled my little boy

why is it so cute when he and Kiki record don’t go breaking my heart

elton stops it the SECOND he sees John oh my goddd

kiki’s little “ough” when she sees john

“elton what’s going on are we going again or should we go for a pint,” *sees john walk into the closet* “yeah no yeah you should go for a pint”

HONKY CAT IS ONE OF IF NOT THE BEST SCENES/SONGS IN THE ENTIRE FILM THERE I SAID IT

cocaine induced head butt of a soccer ball is iconic

why did they have to get rid of rayyyy

the, “best of luck to you elton,” is so bitter yet genuinely well-wishing??

“welp...that was *absolutely* horrible,” is such a mood

the scene where he goes to come out to his dad is so incredibly heartbreaking, especially when it cuts to him in rehab.

taron deserves an oscar just for throwing that chair alone.

“what have you got to do the get a fucking drink around here, eh?” and then he takes a swig from a bottle in the car with john

when he calls his mom to come out. that shit hurts.

“i just hope you realize you’re choosing a life of being alone forever...you’ll never be loved properly.” he opens his mouth. it’s so awful guys. and then he fucking gets punched by john what an absolute dick.

“real love’s hard to come by. so you find a way to cope without it.”

the scene that comes right after that when he’s getting ready for his show and snorts cocaine and takes a swig of a drink really shows how far off the deep end he had gone. it’s heartbreaking, really.

“PEOPLE DON’T PAY TO SEE rEgInALd dWiGhT THEY PAY TO SEE ELTON JOHN. DON’T EVER TELL ME HOW TO DO MY FUCKING JOB.” “WRITE THE FUCKING LYRICS, BERNIE. LET ME DEAL WITH THE REST,” “i’m sorry,” “i know.”

that headdress tho

ok but pinball wizard absolutely slaps and so does the montage with all of his changing outfits

oh my god the drag queen in his room though

NONONONO JOHN IS LITERALLY RIGHT THERE FUCKING CHEATING ON HIM IT IS NOT OKAY.

what an inconvenient time for his mom to waltz in

“and what a shy little boy you were! look at you now.”

“mum you’re ON my GOWN,”

i wish i were as cool as bernie getting out of that car and coming inside

“yEaGhHhH...go get a lil drink. yehyeh,”

get ready for one of the most impactful scenes of 2019 if not the 2010s ladies

“FOR MY NEXT TRICK i’m gonna fucking kill myself.”

again, I could write an entire essay on this but the fact that he is literally hitting rock bottom with his childhood self down there is so impactful and powerful and one of the greatest artistic choices they made in this film. also the cinematography is gorgeous.

and oh, by the way, taron actually performed this underwater. no cgi or special effects. where is his oscar.

john is a dick to him on the stretcher but bernie looks so genuinely concerned for his friend and I love that.

it is absolutely gut wrenching when they pump his stomach.

THE CINEMATOGRAPHY AND ANGLES AND SILHOUETTES WHEN IT GETS TO THE BIG CHORUS PART IS SO SO SO INCREDIBLY GOOD AND AMAZING AND I WILL NEVER, EVER GET OVER IT.

the nurses getting him ready for what was probably his biggest/most iconic performance to date is something so incredible, and such a great choice cinematically, story wise, and really emotion wise too. he was at his absolute rock bottom and did one of if not the most iconic performance a little over 24hrs later, and I think this little part really helps to illustrate that.

taron actually hit that baseball and I’m so proud of him for it.

the liftoff is so great. and then it cuts to him in a plane with smoke on his head which just. ugh.

hot take: elton’s addiction wouldn’t have gotten so bad if he had just gone to bernie’s fucking ranch with him

THE QUEEN OUTFIT IS SO ICONIC IM SORRY

also if this movie doesn’t win the goddamn best costume design I swear to god.

YES BENNIE AND THE JETSSSSS

this is also such a great scene as well omg.

when he flashbacks to his childhood and difficult and also great moments in his life during this sequence. that hit hard.

i feel like no one talks about taron’s arms enough? they as thiccc as his thighs why y’all sleeping on them

“You signed a contract with me years ago, so I’ll still be collecting my 20% long after you’ve killed yourself.” that’s cold as hell.

when he throws that glass at the door. and then victim of love starts playing straight afterwards UGH dexter fletcher you need to STOP and CALM DOWN

listen I don’t know elton was thinking and/or feeling in terms of life and his sexuality when he decided to marry renata but can we talk about his wedding outfit?? wtffff it’s so gay and if you don’t see it you’re blind.

the look his mom gives him I’m DEAD

they literally had separate rooms this was not a normal marriage. the breakfast scene is so sad though.

“did being married make you happy?” “not really, I’m gay.” hands down one of the most iconic lines in the entire movie.

why does he have sperm on this firework suit coat.

“you know I am so sick of running away from who I am.”

the way his voice wavers and cracks is not okay. and neither is his mom twisting everything around so that she’s made out to be the victim. and don’t cry in the bathroom elton please buddy. you’ll be okay.

“campaign to kill yourself is going well, eh?”

“when did you give up? if you don’t care about yourself how can you expect anyone else to...it’s not weak to ask for help.”

goodbye yellow brick road is such a beautiful song and scene and why didn’t we get Jamie to sing more I mean come on he does so incredibly well in this scene.

also I didn’t really realize that they flipped a few verses around for the movie. and elton yelling and screaming at bernie as he leaves is so powerful.

elton yelling at himself.

this is also when he has a heart attack?? chest infection?? I don’t really know but he falls down the stairs and Mr. Dick Manager John makes him continue to perform.

and there he is in the first scene’s costume. singing the rest of yellow brick road.

and there he goes. off to rehab. a full circle moment. good for him for finally taking control of his life and addictions.

“yeah but I started acting like a c*nt in 1975. I just forgot to stop.”

“maybe I should’ve tried to be more ordinary.” his grandmother walks in. “he was never ordinary.” my. heart. can. not. take. this.

this next scene where he talks to everyone in his mind is incredibly powerful and I will shout it from the rooftops until the end of time.

“my problem is that I believed you loved me. and you’re incapable of it.” the SHADE

“actually I think I’m okay with strange.”

BERNIE COMES IN MY LOVE

“bernie...I never told you how much I need you.” shit fam here comes the waterworks

“you just need to remember who you are. and be okay with it.”

and then his childhood self comes in. “I haven’t been reggie Dwight for years.” “when are you going to hug me.” he engulfs his young self in a hug. this is one of the best moments of the film and I am now full on crying.

I can’t get over how wholesome bernie’s visit is with Elton. the sweetest thing ever.

“you’re not scared you’re not good without it, you’re scared to feel again...this is the part you gotta do on your own. these...need music”

“thank you bernie.” “you’re my brother.” <3

and then he finally sits down to write again. and it’s pure magic.

I’m still standing is a a feat of what he’s been through the entire movie. finally, he’s sober, he’s accepting of himself/his sexuality, and is getting to a better place. plus, it mirrors the original music video, and is everything I’ve ever needed and more. *the* perfect scene and song to end upon.

he’s so happy at the end. and then the epilogue starts and says he’s been sober for 28 years and counting, set up an aids charity, still writes with bernie, met his husband David 25 years ago and is finally loved properly (rip my heart out of my chest, why don’t you), has two sons and is retiring from touring. and and the I’m gonna love me again plays with him and taron and it’s just such a perfect song to end, and I can’t.

so. those are my thought while watching rocketman for the 4th time in total, 2nd time this week. sorry that’s it’s so long. I just love this film so much. anyways, it’s almost 2am and I’m an emotional wreck. I’m gonna go cry and go to bed now. thanks for making it this far. :) <3

#elton john rocket man #eltonjohn #sir elton john #elton john #taron egerton #taronegerton #taron egerton rocketman #70s music #musical biopic #musical fanatasy #rocketman review #rocketman movie review #movie review #film review #music review #film analysis #film exposé

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