#tbf i've already done those on a different one

[vault81]

went ahead and used this picrew to create my new fo4 oc's!!

I've decided to name this one Sullivan, he's my pre-war ghoul OC that used to work for the DIA and now the Railroad (this is him pre-ghoulification in his late 20's)

and this is Marie, my scientist/scavenger OC, scrounging ruins for artifacts and data on the old world (more than likely will end up joining The Institute)

[sepublic]

The Owl House's Ending Anniversary...

So it's officially been one whole year since The Owl House ended.

One year ago, I wondered how I would move on. How I would keep going. But I also knew I would, no matter what, because time keeps going on. Things will eventually pass, they always do, that's how so many moments and days for me have gone. Even entire periods of my life.

So I'm not surprised how things have gone on since then; I still had plenty more things to say about TOH, and I still love it just as I have. I've gotten new hyperfixations, and even returned to old ones as some of you can see with recent posts, so it's only a matter of time before TOH circles back again.

And man does it feel so slow, only to feel so brief, it really feels like this anniversary has snuck up on and surprised me! And once again, we have some other, appropriate event lined up; A solar eclipse on this anniversary! Luckily there's no sigils nor coven heads gathered to make me worry. But dang, it was raining in Connecticut when Luz returned there, and it was the rebirth of Jesus when Luz was resurrected.

Makes me wonder if anyone of the Boiling Isles, justifiably, has had PTSD from solar eclipses, and dreaded any that showed up, despite knowing it couldn't happen again. People must've held their breaths the entire time during the first eclipse, panicked at even the slightest fatigue, and then it passed and they realized it really was impermanent and over. And that there was another step towards moving on, which I guess I can relate to now, though this is something I'm much less happy to see gone.

I think a lot about how TOH has influenced both me and my writing, how I approach characters and stories now. I've found myself gravitating more and more towards personal, character-driven stories and situations now. I still have a bit of a taste for grander-scale stuff, but TOH was special for me in that it feels like the first time I really got and understood a show and its characters from the ground-up as I experienced it all in real time. The first time I truly grasped themes and character arcs and could make reasoned predictions based on those, some of which came true! It really feels like THE big start of my media literacy in a way?

It's been fun looking back at TOH as a 'whole' work more or less to reevaluate, and learning other things behind-the-scenes about the show. We've had a few more livestreams and stuff confirmed. Dana's done more drawings, including on her Patreon.

I haven't been writing as much TOH stuff lately, and tbf I've already said soooo much. I might have other, new things to say later down the line, and I do have a few thoughts I've written in notes that maybe could be fully-fledged posts in their own right. I've found comparisons to protagonists of other media, like Miles Morales, or Arin from Ninjago.

The Owl House still is and will probably always be something truly special to me; It feels like my first real fandom experience. My first time understanding and learning a show, appreciating it as it develops and even as I speculate. It broadened my tastes and horizons, my ability to participate with others in stuff.

I miss it; I miss new episodes, new developments. I'm still agonized over things that could've been, things I would've loved to see more of. I'm apprehensive over whether we'll get that Raeda prequel because I don't wanna get my hopes up. Plus Dana needs a well-deserved break and is trying and experimenting with new, different things. And I get that.

It's bittersweet, it's scary, it's freeing, it's sad, it's happy. I've gone so far, this show and fandom has gone so far. And it'll keep going, it has to, time keeps marching on. Luz had to lose her father Manny, process that, but still keep going and must be surprised looking back how much she's adjusted since then, how much she's still grown and gained and learned, while still holding him dear; The same applies for the Titan and the magic she once wielded. With grief and acceptance being a core theme in this show, I'm not surprised that it prepped up the viewers to do the same, and now we have.

And you know what? I'm gonna keep going on, like Luz Noceda, possibly my favorite protagonist of all time, one of the greats and a huge inspiration now for how I really want to write and focus on my own protagonists, too. I'm gonna keep doing this like it never ended. The rate and frequency might fluctuate, but every now and then I'll have things to say, and stuff to drop by and check, such as with the tag and the occasional trending post, others' reblogs, and so forth.

So again, thanks to Dana and the crew. Thanks to Luz Noceda, Eda Clawthorne, King Clawthorne, and the other many, many characters! Luz's story is one where it feels like the show really is about her at its core and wraps around to her, and I want to do a story one day that accomplishes the same feeling. And as I see how Dana has been inspired by past influences, I can't help but look forward to future generations and stories that will themselves have been inspired by The Owl House, I know I've been already, retroactively applying it to things that were already fairly compatible to begin with, and really needed the fresh breath of new inspiration.

I'm repeating a lot of the same things I've said last year. Will I say the same stuff another whole year from now? I'll see. But until next time... BBBBYYYYYYEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

[coffeelovesdramasalatte]

LITA Ep 3 Rewatch Thoughts

Hi friends! Here we are at ep 3, and these posts are getting longer by the episode so grab a lil snack and some water if you want <3 I had to make a part 2 because the number of images got to be too many (linked here and below)

The opening continues to slap (plus I think I've listened to it enough times I think I can sing along with the chorus despite not knowing more than 8 Thai words)

Recap spanks hehe

Opening the episode up strong with this beauty (am I talking about the bike or Phayu in the folded coverall? clearly it's both)

SCHEMING CUTIE ALERT!!! That's the Sky-is-my-new-favorite-person smile <3

I'm dyingggg - Phayu says "I'm still waiting Rain" but bro, it's only been like 10 hours since the declaration of love-war, please calm down

Oops I realized I haven't been mentioning the episode titles - this one is so cute! 'I like Rain, and I'm not talking about the weather" but tbf this should have been episode 1's title

Live footage of me crying over my schedule as a grad student:

Dang, Sky has got a good poker face

Also Rain and I are equally dumb (I'm including myself here bc if I didn't already know Prapai and Sky were going to have a storyline I probably wouldn't have assumed he liked guys right off the bat) - Sky didn't even flinch when Rain writes down his mission to court Phayu (a guy) and immediately writes down the first tactic. WHICH incidentally is "show up in front of him every day". It's pretty full-circle that Prapai uses this same tactic to woo Sky later on, isn't it? (I also didn't notice that until right now so wow these rewatch posts are helping my analysis skills lmao)

Look at my determined son!! He's gonna get his mans!! (Sky's looking a little skeptical tho)

Ah Sig my beloved other son who has a single braincell bouncing around in his head like a DVD player screensaver

The Rain-at-the-garage montage contains so many cute shots but this would get too long if I put every single one in, so let's focus on the first meeting with the brothers-in-law (P'Saifah and Rain). How much must Phayu have described Rain for P'Saifah to instantly know who he is on sight? Also P'Saifah probably reported back to Phayu immediately and I'm kinda sad we don't get to see that convo.

I didn't catch this until now but they also foreshadowed Rain missing a deadline in the next scene. Sky tells Rain to finish his work but as soon as Phayu texts him, Rain runs out of the room without having done anything.

Listen, I love P'Aon and his matchmaking skills ok??

Look at Rain, he's trying so hard to be polite with the P'Phayu and the khrap - what a good boy! It's taking everything in him tho lmaooo

The conversation that comes right after this between P'Saifah and Rain is pretty interesting. I love how the narrative keeps trying to tell us that Phayu is some sort of dangerous fellow when all he's done is be a model student and mechanic and teach college freshmen good manners. Could he maybe learn a little something about physical boundaries? Perhaps, but maybe it's just how kind-looking Boss is, but I never got any sense of danger from Phayu, and esp not towards Rain. Rain's reaction to hearing presumably about Phayu's past relationships is quite on-point, and really cements the stubborn and determined attitude he takes towards getting Phayu to like him. It's how we as the audience know he's gonna be successful.

Next up, Phayu arrives in all his fashionably-late glory. This part has me smirking every time because he walks in all suave and stuff but approximately 7 seconds into Rain's pouting he immediately drops all pretenses and becomes so squishy and soft

I LOVE this exchange between them - again, we are getting a full picture of their early relationship dynamics. Phayu has expectations that Rain's gonna be different, and Rain's telling him he's gonna meet those expectations, and Phayu's satisfied "ah just as I thought" face makes an appearance.

I absolutely adore this expression on Rain/Noeul - it's so subtle but powerful

Yay dinner date!! Phayu is taking so many mental notes right here (also pls note this is the same face Rain is making right above)

Phayu is way too good at pressing Rain's buttons omg - he really got Rain to do this with like a single sentence of teasing (tbf Rain is pretty impulsive tho so I'm not surprised)

The poor serviceperson was like pls let me go

Phayu goes through this episode looking wayyy too satisfied imo

But Rain actually does have nice manners - he gave Phayu the utensils and bowl first and does say thank you

This smile should be illegal actually bc it is stealing my heart and soul

And we get another instance of Phayu being very not immune to Rain's pout (this time he doesn't even get to pout for 3 whole seconds before concerned Phayu is feeding him and patting his mouth with a napkin)

We get some more foreshadowing that Rain is going to miss a deadline

ok THIS. These small gestures that Phayu does for Rain have me swooning just as much as their intimate scenes. Something about that sentence is grammatically incorrect but you get my point, right? They could have easily not included them (and idk if these were even scripted) but they make the relationship that much sweeter and believable.

Slightly off-screen headpat alert!!

AND WE GET IT IN POV SHOT TOO

Live footage of us whenever PhayuRain do anything:

Get you someone who looks at you the way Sig looks at his writing utensil (Have I mentioned I adore him yet?)

Also wait he's not wrong!!!

We get Rain's voice jumping like 10 octaves this time lmao (the increase is proportional to how much he loves Phayu obvs)

Look at our smart boy!! He's won design awards, y'know

Phayu you are not allowed to bully P'Aon like this - he's literally on your side??

Rain: I don't want to see Phayu

Also Rain: ignores Ple, the teachers, his friends, his homework to run to the garage to give Phayu snacks

Part 2 here (y'all we're literally only halfway through the episode omg)

[beneathascorpionsky]

im a bit of a complainy mood. I've already aired multiple grievances to friends but kinda wanted to consolidate my thoughts

Natlan is still disappointing. I had a feeling i wouldn't like it from the teasers and I'm still not really into it spoilers for the natlan archon quest and various things abt the nation below the cut

I will preface this by saying I really enjoyed the archon story in and of itself. It was pretty solid, my main gripe being that there is ZERO buildup to the capitano fight and I think even a little would've been better cause its an AWESOME fight, but literally just some fatui run into the arena and are like grrr we're gonna fight you, cutscene, then capitano runs off and we don't see him again for the rest of the quest. Traveler isn't even there to see it.

But everything else just. Not it chief.

Most of the other nations, you look at them and you go 'yeah that looks like the nation of x element' Liyue has big huge mountains and weird landforms, Inazuma's got storms and a variety of just, zappy stuff in the elements. heck its even got electro seelies. Sumeru's got a rainforest. Its also got the desert tbf but it's interesting for lore and story and added conflict between the people of the rainforest and the desert. Fontaine is far from my favorite nation but I look at it and go 'yeah, this looks like the nation of hydro'

the exception being Mondstadt, which, aside from the windmills, doesn't really have a strong sense of 'this is the nation of anemo' but I'm willing to give it a pass since its the starter nation. Natlan I'm not, cause we've seen how good the enviroment design can be. and its not bad

it just doesn't feel like pyro. There's a few places, like you can go underground and find some lava. There's a big volcano on the horizon but. Otherwise it doesn't feel like it's got a lot to do with fire at all. It kinda feels in a lot of places just like an expansion to the sumeru desert.

Another thing is with the tribes. These do not feel like tribes of pyro. They are all of different elements. There is the little water tribe with their hot springs and the little earth tribe with their gems and the dendro tribe up in the trees. We already got whole nations dedicated to these elements. Why does the Pyro nation have to revisit them in miniature versions?

It feels like it's lacking identity.

And I think that comes from Hoyo deciding it wanted to have a 'tribal' nation and deciding to pick and chose from cultures across the world, rather than just one area. Mondstadt is based on Germany, Liyue- China, Inzauma- China, Sumeru I believe is intended to be Middle Eastern? So, not a specific country but still an area that is connected at least by proximity.

Natlan is?? Supposed to be from what? Australia, South America, and Africa? I haven't done any research on this but I think that's right. and I think that was a bad idea. These cultures are all separated by huge distances, topography, environments, ect ect. I think the developers should have picked one and just stuck to it. I originally thought it was going to JUST be South American based cultures since some of those had a big focus on sun worship and yknow, sun imagery for the pryo nation made sense? Also like, Tierra del Fuego??

yeah.

Another gripe is the character designs. One, the characters don't really look like they're coheisve and from the same nation. Again the tribes dividing and yeah that makes sense but I think it was a bad choice. If you put all the Fontaine characters together, they'd look like they belonged together. Group all the desert characters from Sumeru and all the rainforest charactesr and you can tell they're each from their respective areas for the most part.

Chasca and Kinich don't look like they come from the same country. Or Iansan and Kachina. I don't think this was a good choice.

ANother thing, though I admit this one's a little more nitpicky, is the apparent use of like, more modern tech in Natlan?

Like we already had fontaine that was supposed to be the most advanced because of the indemntium or whatever it was called, produced by the oratrice thingy. Why then does Kinich look like he came out of a mario brother game and Maiuvika look like she's part of a biker gang? I know you can excuse some things being that 'well visions give you extra powers and stuff and you don't necesarily need tech!"

but it doesn't fit. This hodgepodge 'tribal asethetic' was already bad enough, not trying to ground itself, but this is a fantasy game and even the fontaine and khaenri'anh technology looks fairly fantastic and not super immersion breaking. Why in the leaks does Xiolen have like a dj-disco board?? ofc its a leak so it might not be real, but at this point I wouldn't be surprised!

And that brings me to the gameplay of natlan characters. Imagine if you will, if Wanderer could only fly in Sumeru. or if Yelan could only do her super cool running thing in Liyue or if Zhongli only summoned a pillar in Liyue. If Furina could only walk on water in Fontaine. It'd suck right? Where's the fun in that? Ok. then why are Natlan characters nerfed outside of Natlan? Oh there's the canon explination of the phogostin or whatever. But the devs had to add that in specifically. They didn't have to do that. Why shouldn't Mualani be able to swim on her funny shark as long in Sumeru as she can in Natlan? Why cant Kinich have two swings in Mondstadt aND Natlan? Why did these charactesr get nerfed so hard that you can only use them in one place? The saurians make them redundant anyway. but you can only use saurians in Natlan, why not let people use the characters they pulled for. outside of natlan. I especially feel like this will suck for newer players who are just starting. Imagine you're still in inazuma or liqyue and you get this cool new character, but you can only effectily use them in one place, while the entire rest of the world you still have to explore, they just aren't as good?

I don't know, but I don't like it. It just feels like. nerfing the fun. You're only allowed to have fun with these characters in a certain place.

Tbh i don't really like the idea of the phologistim (i can't be bothered to look it up so it's gonna be spelled wrong every time), Fontaine had the pnuema and ousia specific only to the nation's characters and while I didn't really like it a lot, it didn't impact the gameplay a ton. You can still use Nuevilette just fine yknow. But I don't like the nation specific gimmicks a ton and it just started with fontaine and got worse with natlan. I hope it goes away and isn't applicable in the next nations.

also. again this is a nitpick but in general just kinda disappointed with the saurians. what little we knew made it sound like they were equal to humans, but mostly they just seem to be slightly more intelligent animals and not all that. important? I haven't played through all the world quests, so its more just my first impression. im pretty sure Kachina says they're more than pets and they're actual companions, but aside from Ajaw we don't actually SEE that much companionship going on aside from the saurians just kinda hanging out and standing next to people.

Idk we're still in the early parts of the nation so stuff might improve later on and ofc this is all just, my own impressions and opinions. If you love natlan and are enjoying it then I am genuinely happy! I'm glad you're having fun. Why are you reading this. Don't listen to me. Go play the game and enjoy it.

[leafbatraccoon]

these were notes on my journal till yesterday but the news that we're getting the nectar-making skill with horses i figured i'd have some fun with it yet still be loud with my opinions, so i'll reblog with updates from time to time - im reposting with the original slot texts bc i was unhappy with my sleepless decision making 👍👍 | details under the cut if u wanna know but i'm a bit of a hater fyi |

longer seasons - i don't think this will happen, if miracle mods show up i might stamp them on in a different color but from what i've found it's pretty ingrained in the game that 28 days is the longest and if modders we're going to crack it they might've done it already but when im playing on pretty long life spans i just 💔💔 50+ days seasons would be the dream, but i'd be happy with 45 👀 10 outfits per category - same as before ig, this is probably super niche but i'm not satisfied and i hate having to get into cas to change it up so much bc in my head they have a closet each and i want to mix and match pieces in a realistic way 👚 pack refreshes - tbf, they did set up an expectation for that one which for the looks of it they are done with it; there's so much to fix, dine out in general, mermaids deserve some love in comparison to the other occults, updates to the bodies of water (going in the water in windenburg would be legendary), hu just bug fixes and compatiblity here and there would be nice (more hiking ? power walks in more places? its so weird how they are restricted to ONE place) now by world refreshes - i mean that in my dreams they go back and expand the maps they give us 🗺️🗺️ im greedy and want 2 neighbourhoods for my vampires & spellcasters, a lil more space in moonwood mill, granite falls & del sol valley too why not not gonna happen so i can say wtv an extra space in mt komorebi with apartments and since we're at it in san sequoia too; will def not happen working gallery - ig that might be coming too ?? idk my gallery sucks at times like it wont find any results when there are ?? and i know there are bc if i restrict more it might come up with something?? also just wanted better mechanism for the searches, i never had issues with disturbing content showing up tho so idk i heard some simmers weren't so lucky

bigger households - having to control or monitor 8 human/humanish sims is challeging enough but because pets, because having to fake apartments, because reasons; i use mccc but this workaround brings issues in cas so yea, wishlist ✔️ snakes // lizards - this would've been appropriate to launch with horses imo and i'd love if there had been interaction/compatibility from snakes in the wild and those taller friends & other small pets - small pet options in ts4 are non existent, sorry, birds only exist in that one tree (they are probably happy about not being captive actually), bunnies are also wild (personally im fine with it but i know that its a popular pet so i'd love if it was an option), reptiles don't exist (yet) and rodents are exclusive to the slap-in-the-face-of-this-community pack... 🐁🐇🐢🦎🐍🐦🐜 faeries or other fae kin - i feel like they've hinted at it for quite a while and we've seen it show up in quizzes too?? 🧚‍♀️ so i'm hopeful for this one and hope they are just trying to make sure they properly deliver on it bc there's a lot of fantasy enthusiasts and they deserve it & woodland creatures - personally would love it if the fae pack came with woodsy world and the addition of woodland creatures at least the spiritual kind (like unicorns or a white doe which they possibly alluded to with puzzles - it made me real giddy) bonus points if it has some outdoor retreat compatibility

owning more lots - after winning the lottery or keeping up with a family for generations, sims can accumulate quite a lot of money, there's not a lot of expenses in the life of a sim tbh, travelling only costs one loading screen, gardeing makes you rich and thats ok ig but being able to own a holiday house would be welcomed, not just a business 🏘️ nectar making - when tartosa came but no nectar making i was a bit let down, imagine making or acquiring a special batch for your wedding?? it would've been lovely and appropriate for a wedding pack but ... yeah anyway it comes with the horse pack for some reason so at least it's coming, and only 3 years after juice fizzing 🥂 bands and more instruments - another thing they've hinted at in polls and i kinda wished it to come with HSY yet was not surprised it didn't; that being said we need drums and other instruments like bass and/or contrabass, just more than what we have if we're to have bands plz skating and/or surfing - these two are very different and honestly idk how the latter one would work, i just think they are popular sports we could have; at least skate boards should be easy enough to implement and a cute way for sims to drift around their closed off worlds so i have more hope for that one 🏄

hotels - even if they've been around the franchise and ts4 seems to draw all it's ideas from previous iterations i'm not confident they haven't just been replaced by rental properties but it's not the same, i'd like to be able to meet other guests vacationing on the property without having to engineer everything about it, ordering meals at hotel services and running/owning a hotel also; retirement homes - ELDER SIM LOVE IN GENERAL (canes, health issues, idk im not that old yet ..hum wills & testiments, special interactions) i feel growing together really fucked up on that one but i was not surprised bc it's ts4 and we rely on crumbs mods here and thats why some players stop buying dlc 👵☕👴 the townie refreshes - just pay some fans to do it at this point bc it's taking so long; most of them don't need to be redesigned anyway, just add hot and cold weather outfits, preferences and maybe a sneaky extra trait or lifestyle they could have developed and voilá, finish that chapter disabilities - i don't want it in the form of traits and thing it's rotten to make people to pay for it BUT i'd love to see some disability representation in this game, physical, cognitive and what not. i understand at this point it might be hard to introduce but i think it be really important to have this in the sims and ts4 is about time funerals & cemeteries - death is a part of life, this is a life sim... thats it basically, i want it, i miss it in comparison to previous games, i fake it with parks and inviting guests over, but we shouldn't have to tho seems pretty basic stuff

more and better apartments - i would like it if we saw more conjoined builds, more apartment builds, both with few floors and plenty, the option to have sims living in different floors of the same building and even having business or community lots in builds that are divided into multiple lots - ambitious ik - bonus points if they update apartments in a way you can own one or more and rent them out - i don't want to play as a landlord, i swear - i just want my sims to be allowed do simbnb while they go for a weekend in the city (which ig u cant bc of the current system/coding idk) or bringing them to more existing worlds but bc of the obstacles to that i have 0 hopes well-crafted worldly words - i see a lot of americancentric choices being made when creating the worlds, it's unrealistic for a global player base and hum.. a life sim and whenever they drop interesting worlds they are always so frigging small you have to sacrifice making a lively town, with people and businesses, if you want you're sim to live in certain environments (or use multibuilds, which is fine ig but it bothers me a bit) and they fail to utilize the common spaces of the neighbourhoods in ways simmers would love to, to bring some life into these worlds; 🌍 the worldly part of it... i am yet to see african like climates and cultures represented, asia is so wide & full of diversity and we get one japan inspired world so far, south america if confined to a destination world if you don't have mods ig (maybe it's changed by now im not sure) and europe while being represented in 3 packs so far - and one of them being the best in terms of lots per world we've had so far - 2 of them have few lots and its all very niche, so in a way i don't need to be able to point to the actual cities that inspired those worlds, it's not my priority just something that crowded and lively that draws from wider range of cultures and that mre people could recognize as close to their experience would be nice 🌏 also more islands maybe im a sulani simp new jobs & careers - i love GTW, it was the first pack i got and sure it deserved a refresh by now and i would welcome it, especially if it meant more careers, i really liked that gameplay feature; that being said i feel like we deserve more job options OR branches. y no dentist ??? i cant think of ideas right now but while playing the game and setting up townies or sims i feel limited a lot trans content fixes - yea i avoid using the in-game system for trans rep (i headcanon a lot and cheat stuff basically) bc its just not the best in general (clothes fit weird, there's no changes in the frame through time as there would be with hormonal treatments - which there arent in the game so makes sense), not in comparison bc i dont know other games to compare it to just real life ig but im not even that informed tbh; i am happy they didnt create a life sim where trans people are erased and don't want them to be discouraged to stop investing in this at all so i try not to mention it but fix the binder at least & here's a tumblr post that helps me a bit something that surprises me - /pos !! because... they don't... a lot of what we see seems to me like repeating the content ideas from older games but spreading it out to make as much dlc as possible; i had a lot of more wow reveal moments with ts2 & ts3 i feel like but cant truly be sure bc brain is mush

[avinox]

First off I have to say that I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I have lived in an abusive household and especially with a mother who never took her & her kids' abuse seriously - it's truly a hopeless feeling.

The therapist you saw today was incompetent (abuse is abuse - she should have at least offered some resources or other help) but tbf I'm just happy that you took yourself to the women's center in the first place. It's so hard to do that when in an actively hostile environment, so give yourself some credit for trying!

I do get it if you don't want to try again, though. But I do want to ask: are there other centers you can contact? Is there a way to call this specific center out for not taking domestic abuse seriously? If there is no other choice, imo your goal should be to move out asap if possible (I really hope it is) - you have no idea how much energy I didn't realize my family was sucking out of me until I left.

Good day/night, and I wish you the best.

First of all, I'm sorry you had to go through that 🩵 I'm so happy you're in a better place now

About the therapist, I mean, maybe she wasn't that good? Idk. I only saw her for about 30 minutes and she told me all of that. I wouldn't want to call her incompetent for telling me the truth at least, but I do put up with a lot of stuff that I shouldn't have to so maybe I'm just used to disappointment 🤷🏻‍♀️

My boyfriend had come with me as an emotional support and when I told him what she said, he said something similar to what you said, that she could've done more and that those two things are not that far apart, and that she had to study psychology like the every other therapist and should've known how to progress with me, at least a little bit.

Anyway, she basically told me to exercise and eat and sleep well, and that I should go back to my previous therapist or try to seek one from our healthcare services. I told her I haven't been able to afford my therapist since last year, and for me to get a healthcare therapist I'd have to ask my doctor, and I don't trust him enough to confide in him (he's been a bit negligent with me and other patients in the past). And if I got that, I could get maybe an appointment once every two months, at the very best. Also, I've been told these therapists don't take you very seriously.

There may be other centers I could contact, in other cities, but honestly I'm not in the mood to try again anytime soon, I already feel like a liar and that I exaggerate things for attention. And if I do try again, I'll have to make up a bigger lie for my family.

I don't how I could call them out on that or even if I should, I live in a small village and can understand we don't get resources like that, I was actually surprised they stayed funded with all the changes in the government. I wouldn't want to ruin it for somebody else.

And lastly, yes, that's my plan and has been for a long time. Unfortunately it's not working out that well.

Also, I get what you mean — whenever I stay at my boyfriend's house it's like a mini-vacation: no walking on eggshells, no fighting, no faking it for the outside world... I honestly start feeling like a different person, I have motivation and everything, I can even focus!

And then I come home and it's back to normal.

[lightadarttomendyourheart]

it's almost a week. 8.5 days. until you're here. i think internally i'm lowkey in shambles already. maybe i'm trying to distance myself because im scared of how much i'm going to fall for you when you're here so my heart is trying to save itself. but also if you were texting me like you used to, i don't think i'd be so bad. this shift in our texting pattern has really hit me hard. ugh. i hate it. you didnt reply to my question, yet you liked my previous message before that. i'm sure you just forgot, but like.. cmon man. what the f is going on. i'm usually pretty good at sussing out when somethings wrong and i dont think i'm to that point yet that i think something is actually wrong, but i'm getting there. we'll see. we'll see how the texting changes or doesnt change in the next week before you come. i know you're gonna be and probably already are busy getting your stuff sorted, i would be at least lol. and i love that you've been pre-planning what clothes you need to bring and all that, shows how organized you are which i LOVE. i just wish you'd talk to me more. fuck i sound like a needy, clingy biatch. but that's literally what i am when i fall for someone like this. when i have tunnel vision.

its so funny how the other day indy was like, this isn't who you are ever, but with him you are. and it's not. this is not who i am but also, it kind of really is. this is always how i've been with guys who i was SUPER into. not ryan when we dated but afterwards, fuck ya i was. with charlie and liam and alex and sam. i just get so caught up in what could be and i'm worried they dont like me back so i go into crazy spiralling. and this is literally why i need to be with someone who loves me more, even if it's a tiny bit more. but i need to feel secure. i can't feel like i like them more because then this happens. and i know i like brandon more. maybe that'll change during/after our trip, but its just how it is right now. and i'm also terrified it won't change after our trip and you'll go home and have great memories of a great trip, but that'll be it. and i'll be here fucking pining over you. fuck. i don't want that. that makes me feel so suffocated. none of the fam really knew me when i was in those really fucked up heart break times in my life. mind you, i wasn't super heartbroken after alex or sam, or jake especially. but i can go into some dark, piney, bawling on the bathroom floor at 4am places. but tbf i haven't done that since ryan and i really fucking hope i never do it again. god i was in such a bad place then. i know with brandon it won't be that. i promised myself then and now that i would never let someone hurt me like that ever again. so if i don't feel the energy is being returned, i gotta pce.

and that usually has been the hardest step for me, actually letting go. because i never want to. i wear my heart on my sleeve and hope for the best, even though usually deep down i know i'm just going to get hurt, and hurt even more the longer i hold on. but maybe this time will be different. i've gotten really good at letting go. mind you i haven't had to let go of someone i've been madly in love with since 2017. that's when i actually started getting over you. wild that it took me 2-3 YEARS to make that decision. like holy fuck wow. but it wasn't just on me, it wasn't one-sided. but anyways.

this time, whatever and whenever this time happens, it'll be different. i'm not living abroad, traveling back and forth from home, that was enough of an emotional stressor. i have such a good foundation here in yyc. i'm also almost 30 years old. and, i don't put so much weight into relationships anymore. i was always chasing boys. i haven't been chasing boys for years now. brandon is literally the only boy i've chased in the last 3 years, because i sure as hell didnt chase jake. i know brandon isn't going to be the last boy i chase, at least not for a little while, because i'm like 99.999% sure he's not going to be down for some long distance bullshit, i don't even think he's thought about it. but, that's something i'm sure i'll bring up when im wasted and almost tell him i love him.

...of course, i'll be alright. i just had a bad night.

[drukhari]

hey king, during this lovely pride month I told my dad I'm not cis, im nonbinary. It went well yay! but I knew it would go well but I'm not sure he fully got what non-binary meant (tbf I could've done better with the explanation too but nerves I guess), do you know a nice meme or like a simple thing that would kinda explain it?

First off, congrats!! I'm glad the conversation went well 😊 I kind of found myself in the same boat with my parents when I came out as nonbinary and gave them a very quick rundown on what that meant for me. They were honest with me in that they may need a minute to fully grasp nonbinary as a concept, because at the time they'd literally never heard of it, but they've always been open to learning more since then and have asked genuine questions when they have them so everything has worked out. Hopefully that'll be the case with your dad too!

As far as simple ways to explain it to someone who isn't familiar with the concept, that can definitely be tough since nonbinary is an umbrella term that covers an incalculable number of different gender experiences, with the unifying idea just being that the experience is outside of the usually thought of male-female binary model. There have been memes about being nonbinary that I've seen made by other nb people that haven't vibed at all with the way I experience gender, and I'm sure that my own experience doesn't vibe for every single other nb person out there too.

For myself, both when I came out to my parents and my coworkers, I actually ended up leaning more on the historic facts side of things because that's always been how my brain best wraps itself around new concepts. Nonbinary genders have existed throughout recorded human history, across many different cultures all over the world, so the idea that the male and female binary model is the "one original and true" way of experiencing gender just isn't factually correct and apparently that actually was hugely enlightening for a number of my older coworkers.

There have definitely been plenty of memes out there that try to break it down into a more simple concept for people trying to learn about what being nonbinary means, like the 2 below here

but they may very well not fit the way that you experience being nonbinary so don't feel like you have to necessarily rely on explanations or memes made by other people that don't actually fit for you. There's plenty of time for your dad to learn and grow and it's gonna be a journey for both of you in a lot of ways! Like I know I've sometimes showed clips from shows to my parents when a nonbinary character or actor shows up because that sort of thing helps reinforce for them that their kid isn't alone out here in this experience, just as an example.

There was a post on here going around for a little while (and for the LIFE of me of course I can't find it now, or remember the op, so if anyone knows the post I'm talking about and could link it as a reply please do and I'll do the same if I come across it later!) where basically the op framed it as "if being male is being in California on a map of the US, and being female is being in NY, I'm somewhere off in <insert other location between those two here>" So that's also another kind of framing option for you if that sounds like it would fit your experience. Basically any format where you frame it as "rather than being stuck between 2 ill fitting options, being nb means there's tons of other options just like XYZ thing in our world already" can help, in my experience at least.

I hope some of this helps anon - I know it was probably a lot more rambling than you may have expected lmao, and again huge congrats on coming out and it's awesome that your dad is accepting and supportive right out the gate, even if he's still learning as he goes!

[inessencedevided]

The Untamed, episode 42 - watching notes

I was up playing partygames over discord until 3 am yesterday, so I didn't get to watch another episode. I complained about it to my friends, which in turn made them complain that I sounded like I would rather watch my "gay chinese fantasy show" than spent time with them. I contemplated saying yes, but decided to keep my friend instead :D

And we were currently in the middle of a confrontation with Jiggy (as I've been informed he's called ... what? ^^) who apparently murdered his son to keep some secret, which with how this shows is going, I wouldn't be surprised is them going full game of thrones and ... you know what I'm talking about

Oh right, Su She is there

He's the Jin Zixun to my wei Wuxian. As in, I can never remember his name or why I should care 🤷‍♀️

(But thus time I DO remember who he is. That is, after lwj said his name ^^)

I'm so sure that jgy hit all evidence by now, btw

Okay, no. his wife is still there

Su She might be an asshole but his hair piece is gorgeous :D

What does it say about me that my first thought about that dagger was COOL!!! 😱😱😱

How dare you take Wen Qing's name in vain! 🤬

😱

I thought she'd stab him!!! Not herself :'(

I'm a bit surprised that with 5 cultivators in the room, no one does more to save her

Oh, JGY is a damn good actor!! I mean we knew that before, but now his apparent confusion and grieve for his wife seems even more (dare I quote lwj?) shameless

Lan Xichen, i know you love him but ...

Fun fact: In German, we call fake tears "Krokodilstränen". Literal translation: "crocodile tears"

That's what this is 😐

Especially about the nie Mingjue

Poor Nie Huaisang 💔💔💔

"Taking the head. Who in the world would have done such an insane act?" GEE, I WONDER ...

Sorry, I still find jgy fascinating, but this is so uncomfortable to watch, knowing at least part of what really happened 🙈

Lord, give me the power to murder people with one gaze like Lan Wangji 🙏

This whole conversation is so supremely uncomfortable

I'm still unsure if Jin Guangyao really doesn't suspect that "Mo Xuanyu" isn't who he says he is or if it's just a very convincing act 🤨

Favourite trope: Hanguang Jun, Yiling Laozou's knight in shining armour

First of all: Hot

Second of all: Lwj internally: DON'T YOU DARE FUCKING TOUCH HIM I ONLY JUST GOT HIM BACK AND WE HAVEN'T EVEN MADE OUT YET

probably

Also, for a split second there, you saw Jiang Cheng leap forward with a real look of concern on his face, like his first instinct was to help wwx himself 🥺🥺🥺

HE'S USING SUIBIAN AGAIN!!!

This feels so huge! 😱

I'm weirdly emo about a sword rn :')

His cover is blown of course

And him and Jin ling just had a good relationship :(

NHS, JL and JGY: How could it BE that this is Yiling Laozou???

Meanwhile Lan Xichen and Jiang Cheng

"With the right kind of sacrifice, it can safe one who was seriously injured." Is this another instance of "we can't say this it's necromancy because censors, but y'all damn well know this is necromancy because no one falls down a cliff and then lies there "seriously injured" for goddam 16 years"?

I'm all teary eyed at lwj not even hesitating to flee with wwx :')

Jin Ling 💔🥺

Fuck you Jin Guangyao for playing at his pain!!!

Omg they're as good as holding hands!!! 😭😭😭

Of course, wax is pushing lwj away, OF COURSE. Self-sacrificing idiot!

That mask reveal was *chef's kiss* the drama! The gasps! The ... long-suffering "here we go again look" from lan Xichen :D

I LOVE IT WHEN LWJ SPEAKS UP!!

"You're wrong."

So simple. Yet saying so much: "I kniw him. I trust him. I chose this."

And OF COURSE Wei Wuxian gives him another way out

BUT THESE TWO FINALLY GET THEIR SHIT TOGETHER AND COMMUNICATE THEIR THOUGHTS! FINALLY!

"Did you believe in me back then?" YES, I WAS JUST TOO AFRAID TO SAY IT,SO MY CONCERN CAME OUT AS ANGER 😭😭😭

And the single logged bridge again 😭😭😭 I adore that metaphor! And I love that they chose to show us the flashback. Because last time, wwx and lwj parted, took different roads so to speak, one the one of defiance, the other the one of orthodoxy. Neither wanted to part ways, but neither probably thought that they had much of a choice. But they did have a choice and they made it. And lwj has already expressed his regret over that. So here he is again, using his second chance without a thought.

Because lwj believes that wwx is right, MORALLY, so he will go against his clan, reputation be damned, and stand with the man he loves ... finally. He'll choose what they both believe to be right and walk with him "until it's dark" :')

And THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THIS SO MUCH!! It's not just that "oh they're so cute and they compliment each other so well, they must be soulmates uwu". Most of all they share a common morality!!!

I'm so goddamn amazed at this ship! This is not I was thought I was getting when I boarded it, but goddamn it I'm loving the ride! 😭😭😭

And .. just, the look in Lan Wangji's eyes ... they have 50 swords drawn on them, but guessing from the look on his face and the softness of his gaze they might as well be at their wedding 😭😭😭

He looks like a man entirely at peace with his decision :')

Just ...

Look

At

THEM!!!

They're holding hands in that last shot!!!! 😭😭😭

I'm absolutely floored at how utterly beautiful this scene is! "Romantic" seems too insignificant to describe it. It feels more like 42 episodes worth of love and pining and misunderstandings coming to their natural conclusion

My heart is so full right now guys :')

Very nice of these 50 people to wait for their moment to pass before attacking. Very considerate 😁

"Are we going to fight or not." "Too much talking" I WANT 50 EPISODES OF THESE TWO BICKERING!!! 😭😭😭

Jin Ling :'(

Noooo

No

Noooo

I don't know who my heart is bleeding for more here

Jin ling doesn't deserve to have to shoulder his parent's and uncle's pain :'((

All this supporting each other when injured? That's the good stuff

And those flashbacks ... wwx finally FINALLY realizes that lwj never hated him for his actions, he was afraid for him :')

Tbf,the guy has a sliiiight communication issue 😐

That quote about how lwj is at his side now that everyone else despices him!! That's it THAT'S THE SHIP!!😭😭😭

Oh, lwj took him back to cloud recess

I'm surprised he was allowed to, tbh

Ooh, so Mo Xuanyu knew something!

And... someone else must now know about him?

Also, I didn't realise that wwx still had a cut from the curse

I gotta take a moment to scream about HOW UTTERLY DOMESTIC AND AT EAS THESE TWO NOW ARE WITH EACH OTHER!!! 😭

XICHEN!!!

I should have known that the OG wangxian shipper would support them

But he still trusts Jin Guangyao. Not that I'm surprised

It's so weird to see anyone on this show in trousers btw 😅

"You're more than I can handle." Lol ^^

"You trust Master Wei, while I trust Jin Guangyao." Oh boy ...

I feel like this might be more of a confrontation than these two brothers had in their entire lives

Love me some detective-wwx

Poor Xichen 😔 he doesn't want to believe it

Somehow, wwx with a white underrobe makes me think "that's what he looks like when he and lwj accidentally swab robes" :D

Uuuh! The restricted section forbidden chamber!

So ... jin Guangyao somehow got this piece of music from the lan library?

But he's good! He's really good! He consistently uses others weaknesses and prays on them so that they act in a more extreme manner, but not so much that others would suspect foulplay. Case in point: nie Mingjue's death by anger and (more recently) the way he played towards Jin ling's feelings.

Aaaand another rather abrupt end in the middle of a conversation. That's one thing this show does not do well 😅

Anyway, I'm not complaining this episode send my shipper heart (BECAUSE I'M SO DWEP DOWN THIS RABBIT HOLE AT THIS POINT) fly with joy!!

@sweetlittlevampire @fandom-glazed @elenirlachlagos @allhailthedramallama @luckymoony @kyrrahbird @i-love-him-on-purpose 🖤💙🖤💙

[alphabettcity]

loki finale ask (finally)

tbf i didn’t really go in blind because i am an internet addict. parts that were already spoiled for me include:

mobius doesnt know who loki is 😭

sylvie and loki kiss (why!) & she immediately transports him back to the tva. so presumably wasn't actually that romantic, just manipulative (still bad)

the multiverse gets created

kang is the one who remains

actually watching the episode taught me that:

kang created the tva is because he’s a genius egomaniac who wanted to keep himself safe from all the other genius egomaniac versions of himself (this totally works given his comic origins, he's dealt with many versions of himself, eg. immortus, but i have a lot more questions below)

sylki kiss was definitely not romantic. she tricked him so she could kill kang. (still not a good enough excuse smh)

my interpretation of their fight: neither loki nor sylvie, if they 100% knew that kang was telling the truth about the tva, would kill kang. sylvie told loki she was doing this because she thought he was lying. (not totally true to loki's characterization imo, i'd think that both loki and sylvie would rather deal with infinite kangs than give up on free will)

new mobius doesn't know who loki is not because the tva wiped his memories, but because this is a totally different version of mobius (unmined angst potential imo)

ravonna fights mobius, lets him live, and goes out in search of "free will", and may align with kang in the future, since ravonna in the comics is kang's wife. (curious to see what they do with her. i have Thoughts on her place in the whole religious allegory of the show i will explore in my wowki fanfic)

me overthinking things

if kang knows all why would he go through all this trouble to lead loki and sylvie here? he couldn't have done this in an easier, less heartbreaking way? his plan was so contrived :/

one question i've kinda pushed aside for the show is: what kind of time travel disruption would qualify for a nexus event? because technically any variation, no matter how small, should create a branch in the timeline, because 2 contradictory things can't happen in the same timeline at the same time. but now we might have a kind of answer: if kang founded the tva to avoid other versions of kang, he doesn't need to make sure there's 1 sacred timeline, he'd just need to make sure all the variations are so small that the infinite timelines are basically the same, so there's basically infinity copies of the same timeline in existence, thus averting multiversal war between egotistical kangs.

why was there that arbitrary barrier past which kang couldn't see? yeah, ✨suspense✨ and ✨plot✨, but it's arbitrary, and it really would've made no difference if he knew what happened to him. in fact i quite like the idea of kang walking into his own death.

thoughts that don't really fit on this list

the finale was awful. not just the sylki kiss & bad narrative choices or whatever. there was so much padding and exposition, jonathan majors's performance totally took me out of it (i doubt he's a bad actor, this episode didn't give him a good opportunity to shine), the writing was super slow and bad, this ep could have been slimmed down to like 15 minutes because not a lot actually happened.

natalie holt's music — both the titles (lokius!) and the actual tracks — slap so hard. probably the best soundtrack in the mcu other than black panther. she really gets the show

production & costume design of everything related to kang was amazing, felt very vast, old, and regal

sylvie is acutally a surprisingly well-realized woman character and i'm quite proud of the show for that. (unfortunately neither her nor b-15 are fully realized until they kiss each other which has not happened as of yet)

please watch this it has brought me great comfort

HIIII so happy u saw it <3

1. YEAH :’) that broke me .

2. IKR i am Not a Fan and yeah! it was a manipulative kiss so sylvie could get what she wants but there are so many other things they could’ve went with !!!!!

3 + 4. damn it sucks that u got spoiled for those but yeah that’s what new in the em c you !!

——

1. yep! i don’t know much about his comic origins but from what i know it seems pretty in character

2. exactly!!!!!! and yeah it’s not a good enough excuse they could’ve gone with anything else !!!!

3. yeah !! i think both options (killing kang and fighting other versions of him / ruling the timeline) seemed pretty loki HJSKD but i feel like he’s gone through lots of character development through the show and i thought they would both go with killing kang but i guess not dhdjjfjd

4. yep and it hurts . so much .

5. yeah that makes sense !! and yeah i’m curious to see what they do with her, she felt kind of vague and didn’t have enough good motives to be a villain, so yeah i’m curious to see where her character goes !!!

——

1. yeah his plan kinda backfired HJSJDJD but i guess it works for plot HJSKDKD

2.

that’s a lot of thinking to do but i think ur right !!

3. yeah ! i think that ✨suspense✨ was nice for a minute but him walking in to his own death seems way more fun

——

1. yeah it was really,,,,,,, boring ? idk i wasn’t really interested yknow? there was a lot of talky talky (ha mobius reference am i cool) so yeah this ep could’ve been a Lot better but it is what it is i guess

2. YES !!! everyday i was up and think about the opening of ep 5 (was it ep 5? i think it was yeah) but anyway i could listen to the soundtrack for HOURS

3. YEAHH they made him really interesting so i’m excited to see him again !!!

4. YES i think that’s why so many people love her bc she was really well written and she didn’t turn out to be the whole “woman helps man to get what he wants” trope !!!! she actually got what she was going for in the end so yeah !!!! also so true manifesting sylvie and hunter b 15 kiss next season

5. HAAHHAHAHH i love that tysm my day is blessed

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: Didn't say you had a girlfriend Rio: but you can tell her she's hitting me up with the back off too late and under fucked up misunderstanding, like 😂 Buster: Didn't say it 'cause I don't Buster: If some girl wishes that's her problem Buster: And yours now like 😂 Rio: It ain't funny, blowing up my phone making me look suspect, like Rio: anyway, Nance gave me the lowdown already so I know she's a cunt so I don't have to hold back Buster: Who's laughing? Buster: Send her my way if she's that desperate Buster: The lads are boring like Rio: Seriously? Rio: No I will Rio: if you're gonna do your own like that you can sort it yourself, not her pimp Rio: not* Buster: Whatever Rio: It so isn't but that's on you Rio: Are you lot out tonight then? Buster: Course Buster: You think I'm waiting at home for you, babe? Rio: Har dee har Rio: sounds like you had a cosy night in in mind tbf Rio: where you going then, wanna meet up? Buster: Not got the light or kettle on like Buster: Sick of the lad already? Rio: Yeah, what you had in mind Rio: Nah, but 2 ain't a party Rio: and I'm going home tomorrow so Buster: Wanna see if he can hang Buster: Fair Buster: I'll bring the party to you then, babe Rio: Pretty much Rio: You're feeling chipper today Buster: I'll insult you when I get there if you really want Rio: Not my kink Rio: would get us back to the status quo though Buster: Just buzzing 'cause you're off home and outta my way like Buster: Can't blame me Rio: I bet Buster: Not looking forward to kicking it in your own ends any more or what? Buster: I know you'll miss me but come on Rio: Nah but it ain't gonna be all fun and games when I get back is it Rio: Shit to sort Rio: but gotta be done Rio: and you wish Rio: I got reason to come back and annoy you some more now Buster: You're not gonna get grounded Buster: Don't worry about it Buster: And I know, kid Buster: Always making it obvious, Cavante Rio: Don't be daft Rio: I've gotta look out for Nance Rio: avoid another ex Rio: all that drama Rio: You're OBVIOUSLY deranged, McKenna Buster: You're used to all that shit many times over Buster: You got this, ma Rio: Shut up! 😂 Rio: Doesn't mean I don't get tired of it Buster: It ain't my fault you've had more exes than I've had fam dinners Buster: Not even starting on family bullshit of yours Buster: Well I'll sort you a decent line when I get there, put a pep back in your step, yeah? Rio: Yeah it is Rio: No show, you are Rio: and bet you've had more, just 'cos you ain't claiming 'em Rio: Go for it Buster: Fuck off I'm being nice here Buster: Trying to give you a proper going away and you're trying to fight me Rio: 🤷 Rio: Soz Rio: Only way I know how, clearly, all those exes, like Buster: What's wrong, babe? I know you ain't gonna miss me that bad so what is it? Rio: You shouldn't fuck Chloe Rio: Idk, you shouldn't have put that in my head Buster: I haven't Buster: She's not my type. I know what you reckon but I do have some standards Rio: Alright, good Rio: Too many lines already, I'm paranoid Rio: she's bad news Buster: Come get some fresh air with me then Buster: Plenty of people say that about me, like. Not that I'm trying to make a connection to her. Fuck that Rio: Might help Rio: Thought you were with your boys though Rio: Yeah but, at least you're upfront about what you are, good or bad Rio: 🐍 Buster: They'll be fine if I don't hold their hands through every song, babe Buster: She's really got to you, yeah? Rio: I'm just being dramatic, too many strangers here Rio: but she did a number on Nancy, that I know for facts, stand by the bad vibes even if I could relax on it rn Buster: Where are you, specifics. I'm come and get you if you ain't coming out Buster: Find those cunts later Rio: Idk, ages away from yours Rio: we're meant to be but the pre-party still going strong Rio: I'll meet you somewhere? Buster: Keep your phone on, I'll be that stalker and work out where you are Buster: Meet you near Rio: Not just a pretty face, ladies and gents Rio: It's alright, just pick a club, no need to ruin the night Buster: At least you're finally admitting how hot I am Rio: 🙄 Really needing the ego boost, yeah? Sure 👌😂 Buster: Find you in The Grand, yeah? Rio: Got it Buster: Half an hour max Rio: Cool, I'm nearer than you so I'll see you in there Rio: *He'd obviously been offended she wanted to leave the party and get a headstart on him on the town, but it was way too soon to show it (thank fuck) and still save face, so she got out without much pouting and whining. Only needed to take one bus, turns out she was about five minutes down the road from Clapham, tops; good to know. Maybe that was why she was feeling so out of it? Not knowing where she was, and who with? Been in that scenario before though and she'd not got this rattled so- blatant bullshit. Rio didn't plan on admitting it to him, but it had way more to do with Buster McKenna than was healthy. Head fuck.  This is why they avoided each other, and had for a while now. It weren't no good trying to just be nice to each other, always went too far. And arguing and being cunts didn't exactly cool the energy between 'em either. No, ignoring each other's existence was key. And yet here she was, going out to party with him. Well fucking done, girl. She rolled her eyes at herself, jogging up and down on the spot impatiently, near enough to the front of the club's queue now she needed to remember to look her hottest so they'd let her in faster. And result. She was in, no coat to put up, so she was away. Barstool, 'round of vodka shots, sorted. Toes tapping, faster than the beat of this shit tune. It was pretty early still, the club only now filling up. Shouldn't have an issue finding her. Not that it was a good idea but finish what they'd started now, like.* Buster: *The lads had been chilling at his since the afternoon doing fuck all of much but getting on his nerves, and when Barnaby suggested getting the drinks in and making something of the night he wasn't even the most relieved of the lot of them, like, so face saved there. Nice one, lad. It was the first decent favor any of them had done him in Christ knows how long, not that he was letting it show. Not a fucking amateur at that either, cheers. There was a girl he'd swiped that was why he was keen to be off. No other reason that they'd had to be privy to. James had been chatting about his cousin since he got with her and Buster wasn't trying to add to that conversation. They didn't know what they were fucking saying anyway. Silly pricks. Let them wonder and speculate over his antics tonight with the Tinder blonde, or any other, they loved it. He had his own mind full of bullshit that he personally didn't love. Worry was a new emotion regarding Rio, one that he didn't feel confident over dealing with, and a lack of confidence was even newer territory than giving a shit about Cavante's emotions. Or so he told himself before he racked up the lines to turn all that off for a while. Worked out proper well for him that had, here he was off and running to cheer her up or what the fuck ever. What was his fucking goal meant to be? Soft cunt. Gonna send her goodnight texts later or what, like? Stupid. Get real all he was gonna do was buy her some watered down drinks for as long as she let him. Big fucking deal and no great help. Still, as soon as he was in he took the stool next to her and did exactly that, ordering more of what she already had.* Rio: *And just like that, he was there by her side. As if this was all standard and they did it all the time. This week maybe but neither of them should get too fucking cosy with the idea, like. She took her share of the drinks without protest, even though she had nothing but empties to offer by the time he arrived. * Next round, like. *She shrugged, spinning the nearest shot glass aimlessly, avoiding eye contact She then spun herself to face the dance floor, like she was surveying the talent from her perch on high. This was fucking ridiculous. He'd be saying as much if she didn't act fast. Jumping up, the tunes still not there but she'd have to make do. As she weaved her way through the crowds, she took a second to break the rules and make eye contact, looking back at him and motioning with a question of 'are you coming?' hanging in the air.* Buster: *He wasn't listening to her 'cause that's how focused he had to be on not staring at her. She looked so fucking good. He'd said as much the other day, believing it when he did, but this was different. He felt it bones deep and more crucially, didn't know how not to show he was being affected. Fuck's sake. No more coke for him until he got his shit together like. Sort your head out, you twat. He shook it, playing as if he was shrugging off her offer to pay 'cause it was better she reckoned he was trying to buy her off again than- What? For the second time tonight he was already asking himself what the fuck he was trying to achieve. Shit. At least before he could chat any more nonsense to himself, or her, Rio was up and away. Not far enough given how easy dancing made it to be close, like, but a reprieve he could count in seconds. Breaths to take. Buster should've known in the next minute she'd steal it all off him with a look. Course. It was an old game. And he'd never once played by the rules, had he? It was too late to start now. He wasn't no choir boy and she was leaving in the morning she'd said. Fuck it. Not a fucking amateur, remember? He'd call her bluff and cheer her up before this shit tune was done. It was just dancing, who the hell was he if he couldn't handle that, yeah? Rio: *Again, screaming internally, asking what the fuck she thought she was doing and why the hell she was doint it; All the while making no effort to slow down, never mind stop. So glad he couldn't read her as well as he claimed, the fucking laugh he'd have about how much she was silently protesting (much too much for it to be anything but mortifying; and very bloody telling). Still, she knew the feeling of eyes lingering on her body well enough by now to know that's what was happening, what he was doing, despite himself. Despite herself, and what a good, sensible girl should do, she smirked, smug satisfaction at taking the lead in both senses. Fuck it, she could say it was the coke making her act up. If he was feeling brave enough in his own good behaviour to question it after. Not likely. So why not? She wanted this right now, so she was going for it. Whatever 'it' was. Stop thinking. Let your body takeover completely. With that in mind, or out of it, she began to move, getting closer to him than was necessary, routine full of 'almost' contact, designed to tease.* Buster: *The song was still shit but he wasn't listening to it either now. Couldn't hear anything but the sound of two heartbeats, his thumping enough to be shaming if he gave a fuck about anything other than getting closer than she already was to him, and hers once he was, echoing such a similar beat. There was smugness in having her rhythm there alongside the intrusion of his, literally hammering away at her pretense of utter control too. Loud and clear for him, drowning out everything that had been said before. Bullshit. Necessary but still ridiculous to look back on from where they were now. Nice try, Cavante, 'cause guess what, I know you are, babe. He wore a smirk to match hers, letting his 'routine' in turn spell out that the teasing shit had gone on long enough, while the hand which had settled on her waist as he moved pulled her body into his. He'd snorted his fair share of lines if he needed something to blame it on other than just being fucking over it and wanting to play a new game and it was unlikely she was gonna challenge him at this point. Hardly blameless herself, yeah? Whatever.* Rio: *She looks down at where his hand has ended up, eyes traveling back up to meet his, slowly, appreciating his body as she did so, letting him know she knew it was anything but a happy accident, but that she wasn't going to say anything either way. Hardly could now, could she? A silent deal being made on the floor tonight. 'This stays between us.' It didn't mean anything, like. Just sexual attraction, however fucked. She wouldn't hold it against his character if he didn't against hers. What happened in the club, like. Such a fucking cliche, Christ; but she felt like being one just this once if it felt this good. She had her back towards him now, winding up and down, hips clashing, making her ache. Before Rio could stop herself (a reoccurring theme of her time with him, it seemed), she had placed her hands over his, still on her waist, and was moving them down, to where she wanted them right now. Fuck. He was definitely going to pull away now, probably have some choice words for how sick and creepy and wrong she was and she didn't have a leg to stand on, no case to fight. Before he could, thinking fast (hopefully faster than he could), she pulls gently on his neck, so she can reach his ear to shout into it, shit tunes always being played too loud.* You promised me a line. Buster: *He shouldn't be this turned on by a few dance moves and unwavering eye contact but he is and there was no way she couldn't know, bodies pressed against each other as tightly as they were. Fucking hell. Yeah, he could lie to himself that it was the fault of the rich, white girls he usually approached not knowing how to dance without doing shit imitations of their current favorite pop icon or being too eager to check him out (sizing him up the same as he did them) to hold his gaze, but that's all it'd be, more bullshit when he'd already said no more.  It was too fucking obvious what this was about and what he wanted. And every movement of hers was as telling. None more so than when she stopped herself, 'cause it was forced in a way that none of their other actions had been, thought out instead of fluid. Of course, immediately after came a brief moment when he reckoned she was gonna nibble on his earlobe or something. No going back then, like, but he should've realised the headfuck was gonna come from a more familiar (as far as Rio Cavante was concerned) direction. Christ. When was the last time another girl had left him wanting more, this much and this soon? Buster couldn't remember. Couldn't think.  State of him.  At least her pulling away to speak let him breathe. He smirked again, faking regaining more composure than he had around her as standard, never mind on a night like this. Nodding his head in the direction of the toilets briefly, he leaned in to reply. * Come on, let's get you sorted. Rio: *She took him by the hand, pulling him through the crowd with an impatience they could both pretend was about coke. Yeah, right. Neither of 'em was fooled or in the mood for fooling now. Her mind had been fully made up for her when his reaction of outrage, disgust, and horror hadn't come; but the opposite had, the hardness she felt tight against her mirroring the ache she felt, less obvious outwardly but, was it though? He knew. She knew he knew so time to do something about it, boy! Now or never, like. Door swinging behind 'em, pulling him into the first free cubicle, reaching behind his frame to lock up, purposely trailing her hand against his exposed forearm, outstretched fingers softly trailing along the veins there, taut between ample muscle and goosebumped skin. Fucking hell. It wasn't her fault he was so god damn attractive. Regret it in the morning. She'd be long gone by then. Breaking eye contact away from where it had fallen below the belt (oops), she grinned, green meeting blue, breathing as laboured as heart.* Go on then... Buster: *The last thing he should have done was followed her into a space where every time his body shifted (however fucking subtly. Or not) it brushed somehow against hers, bringing them back to teasing each other, 'cause unless he pushed her fully against the cubicle wall there was no way to create the blatant friction they both craved, and he wasn't about to do that. Not yet. If she wanted coke, she was gonna have it. Simple as. Just as well that act was though, distracted as he'd become, like. If Buster let himself look back on any of tonight (not wise but nevertheless still likely) he'd pat himself on the back for once again not being a fucking amateur, fine chopping the lines on his coffee table before he came out so all that was left was to unwrap that shit, lay hers out and roll up a note. He'd been on autopilot getting the drugs from his pocket, breathing ragged as hers, the feeling of her stare (and where it was purposefully aimed) leaving him incapable of coherent thought about anything else. Fuck. He wanted her so bad. His own eyes fixed on the locked door, checking and rechecking, focused solely on trying to do that until the memory of her touching his arm resurfaced and then all he could think of was the idea that formed. He smirked for...what a third time? ... Christ knows, before laying her coke out on another, higher patch of exposed skin, eyebrow raised, wordlessly asking Rio how badly she wanted her share now.* Rio: *And there it was. Another silent challenge, a dare. No need for fucking words creating any unwanted space between them, made her wonder why they'd ever bothered when this was so, SO much better. No comparison. Of course, the answer was they bothered so they didn't end up here but she wasn't listening to sense tonight, fuck off. Right now, she WANTED to be here, nowhere else she'd rather, frankly. Fret over it later, like. Or not. It felt TOO damn right to call it wrong. So she wouldn't. And he wouldn't. And no one else need ever know. She wants to hesitate, knows she should. Eyebrows raising to make some display of being all 'really?', like she's so scandalized or not into it, only doing it 'cos she couldn't refuse a dare, could she? But Rio Cavante didn't even flinch, crashing into him full force, pushing him against the door, arms wrapped around his neck to steady herself, steady them both. This close, the heat of him unbearably sexy, his body was so toned and fucking perfect, Christ! She felt dizzy with it, sweat was slicking the white powder to his naked skin, collar bone a natural shelf to hold it. The temptation to lick it off him like salt for a tequila shot was almost too much but she didn't want to be accused of wasting the coke, so she pressed her nose into him, snorting it with ease, shuddering more from the sensation of being this close than anything else, tipping her head back in pleasure, hoping he didn't hear the small moan than found its way out.* Fuck! *Snapping her head back, rubbing her nose with a sniff, damn. Okay. She obviously had to one-up him. What else was a girl to do, yeah? She moved away, to the bag still laid out on the top of the loo, grabbing it 'fore he had a chance to stop her or do anything else to drive her crazy. Shit, she had to take back some control, like! She smirked back at him, the solution to her problem of how to best Buster McKenna becoming obvious as she looked down. Racking it up on her ample cleavage, as if to say, triple dog dare you, McKenna* Buster: *There was half a second as his shoulder blades hit the door, rattling the hinges with the force of their bodies colliding again, closer than they'd been yet somehow but still, at the same time - impossibly- not enough, that he wanted to tell her 'fuck the coke' or something like it. Swore he could almost feel the words tumbling out, begging practically for her to just fucking kiss him instead. But he didn't. Or make a move to himself either. As soon as he heard her moan he knew why, even though they'd waited years and his entire body was insisting that he couldn't any more, refusing in the form of his own shudders as he stood there, knees weak from barely any contact. Fuck's sake. There was so much promise in that sound that Buster grinned, holding her gaze with baited breath until she gave his eyes no choice but to travel with her, settling exactly where she planned for them to. * Oh fuck. *If she said anything about him stealing the words out of her mouth later (not that they could chat about any of this casually) he'd deny it, not realising an echo had escaped from him as he launched himself towards her, lifting her slightly so she rose to meet his bowed head easily. Finally Rio's back landed hard (thankfully against wood same as his had rather than cold, dirty porcelain) with force enough that she'd feel it tomorrow. He wanted that more than anything, even as his line disappeared, snorted all too soon. Fuck her trying to pretend she didn't remember, if her mind pulled that shit her body would call her a liar. He'd made sure of that, like. There was always more he could do though, and he didn't hesitate to put his mouth on the skin she'd already offered him, kisses desperately hard and bruising as his hands trailed lightly down her body, skimming each curve more brazenly than he'd ever looked her up and down before. Christ that seemed like a lifetime ago, her beckoning him onto the dance floor. Not that it mattered. Too much had happened to go back now and there was well more than he needed to happen still.* Rio: *Her cries, a mixture of pleasure and pain as she was unceremoniously slammed into the wall, caught in her throat. Like she couldn't express how much she wanted this, NEEDED this. And she couldn't. No moaning or dirty talk was going to cut it but she could but try. Knowing he knew regardless, and that he felt it too, only amped it up further.* You want me so bad, huh?* Stating the obvious for her own satisfaction, no question mark needed. Muffled curses at him; warning him if he dared stop, to do more, worse, faster, harder, NOW; acting as their version of pillow talk. Pulling his hair, novelty of being above him in the literal. Rio found purchase, sitting atop the toilet, kicking the seat down so he could kneel as she spread her legs for him, pushing his head down, showing him where she needed him.* Please, Buster, please... *She didn't care that this was a club bathroom, that people could definitely hear them, that they'd be hearing a lot more soon if she had anything to do with it. That he was her fucking cousin. Fuck. She just did not care about anything but having him touch her, fuck her. But before he could, there was a monstrous bang on the door that rattled the hinges harder than they had only a few minutes previous.* Shit! Legs clamping shut, jumping down from the seat, pocketing the drugs in her bra without hesitation, she clambered over him, pushing him back, so he was sat down.* I got this, yeah? Worry about yourself. Catch you later... *Rio murmured, squeezing his hand in the hope he'd fucking listen to her, not trusting a coked out McKenna to deal with what was clearly a bouncer and not just a punter desperate for a piss, like. She squeezed out of the smallest possible gap in the door, shutting it behind her, so Buster wasn't spotted.* Buster: *Fuck me. *Holy shit, every word out of her mouth was fucking him up but it was the begging that REALLY sent him over and made him use a phrase that was ridiculously literal. He couldn't help it, knowing that she wanted him bad enough to say that shit out loud what he hadn't when the coke first came out, made more than his knees go weak. He was about to insist that she told him what she wanted again, just to hear it, biting his lip to prevent a moan from coming out before the sentence did when something makes everything stop. It turned his wants back to fantasy, yet again becoming a scenario that wouldn't happen. 'Cause he isn't stupid. As much as many other parts of him were desperate to ignore the pounding on the door, his head, coked out as it is, still knows that they can't. The hired muscle out there wouldn't let them. Shit. It was somehow the unrealest part of this, fucked up as that sounded even to no other ears but his own, that this was how the night was going to end, not how he'd finally let himself want it to. They'd both given in, fully, and there was no pretending at this point (whatever he might convince himself of later, dismissing the night as a weird headfuck etc etc) the drugs were why he wanted her so badly. And worse, all they were now were the reason why he couldn't have her. Fuck's sake. Buster hadn't felt a surge of anger overwhelm him this utterly -suddenly too- since his sister left. Wherever he looked was flooded red, and for Rio's frantic movement, the only thing he managed to do was bite his tongue and clench his fists. Until she'd gone and then he stood up, immediately pacing (an agitated cokehead cliche) the cubicle transformed into a cage he didn't dare leave in this state. Just as well 'cause the next second had him striking out, kicking out hard at the space where their bodies had been, with as much power as he felt had been robbed from him. The wood protested one last time, drowning every sound in his head out with the crash, thank fuck. The cubicle didn't fall to pieces, of fucking course, 'cause it was another thing he needed to happen and he sank back onto the toilet seat, taking shallow breaths.*