#tbh some of my metaphors DID NOT make sense. i wrote this at 3 am like all my other fics

[keyotos]

loved you every single day

summary ⎯ what is love for the xianzhou guys? that's basically it. very sappy and tender and sentimental.

includes ⎯ dan heng, blade, jing yuan

tana's words ⎯ hi...

dan heng

⎯ dan heng had a vague understanding of what love felt like. before the astral express, he never really knew what love really felt like due to memory loss. but he learned, eventually.

⎯ he found love when himiko always offered to make another coffee cup for him (this time, with the blend he enjoys). he found love whenever march/stelle would check on him during the late hours of the night, knowing he'd be buried in books. he found love whenever welt offered to shoulder the burdens of keeping watch during trailblazing missions.

⎯ but he has never felt love like this before. not with you anyway.

⎯ there was a sense of loyalty he had for you. of course, he was obviously also loyal to the crew, but it was different with you.

⎯ you made him want to follow you towards the end of the universe. you made him want to run with you into the light or whatever awaits the both of you later on. he was willing to do all of it.

⎯ why? a lame question to ask, he thinks. there are hundreds of reasons why, and he could list them easily. was your smile and the way it instantly warmed an entire room enough reason? or should he add onto the fact that you were practically made of stardust and cosmic radiance? that you have some kind of miraculous or even transcendental ability to string words so brilliantly that it manages to calm the harshest of voices down?

⎯ and love was scary for dan heng, at first. there were too many hindrances and difficulties in his life. for one, he could not let you get caught up in his past. he wouldn't: he would make sure of it. for two, he wasn't very used to love.

⎯ yeah, there was the express crew. but there was also you. dan heng thought that he would spend the rest of his life alone. he still has not settled into his room on the express because he reasoned that he'd stay until the archives until he was ready to leave. but you challenged all of that.

⎯ how is it that one person could make him want to stay by their side forever? how is it that you have such an enormous effect on him, yet you aren't even aware of it? every wall or barrier he's put up, you've always managed to erode it down. you allowed him to be vulnerable and you allowed him to be carefree. you allowed him to relax. to breathe.

⎯ loving you, was to breathe, for dan heng. you were the gasp of air that he needed while he was drowning beneath the waters. finally being able to decompress and unwind; he felt lighter around you. less stressed, less worried. less stoic. less somber.

⎯ he has never even thought of love like that before he had met you. but you changed him. and he is eternally grateful for that. eternally grateful for you. you are his home, his safe space, his sanctuary of security.

⎯ so he repays you often. he knows what kind of tea you drink and how to make it by heart. he makes a cup for you every morning. you have your own shelf in his archive. hell, you have your own damn space in there as well. there's an indent of you in every corner of every room.

⎯ or maybe, dan heng is so accustomed to you that he sees you in everything.

⎯ he lets you read from his shoulder. he has a shelf filled with all your favorite books from various worlds in his archives. he lets you sleep on his body rather than the flacid mattress on the ground, because he wants to keep you as comfortable as you've kept him. his fingers trace your body every night you stay with him, to ensure that you are safe and you are here, and he is home.

"are you sure you're comfortable like this?" you ask, situated on top of dan heng's body. you're partly afraid that you'll crush him with your entire body weight on him, and that his back would hurt after tonight, "wouldn't it just be smarter to crash in my room instead?"

his chest rises and falls underneath you, getting slower and slower as time goes by, "if you'd like. we can go."

you bite the inside of your lip in thought. it would be safer to do so, for both your and dan heng's safety. but, to be honest, you were very comfortable and tired. "is your back gonna be okay after this?"

"it'll be fine," he brushes off, "besides, you've been sleeping on me for the past few nights now. i can handle one more night."

"huh???"

blade (contains lore spoilers)

⎯ love was something blade has always lived without. as a child, with war and battles as a constant on his homeworld, there wasn't any room for affection or anything similar.

⎯ but then you came along, practically shaking his entire world. there you were, dragging him off to drink god awful mung bean soda. to force him to go outside on days where he was over-occupied with work. to let him enjoy something for once in a while. to let him rub his thumb over yours in the quiet hours of the night, forgetting about work and all other duties.

⎯ he had never thought that loving could be so easy until he met you. it seemed as though time would stop in his tracks whenever he saw you. blade thought it was a myth coming from romance novels (one he had heard from you, ironically enough), but it proved to be, in fact, real.

⎯ and everything was easy. up until everything wasn't. it was one thing, then the other. baiheng passed, jingliu was extremely distraught. it was wearying to see everything go so downhill, so fast. nobody was ever the same after that period.

⎯ yet even after all that, you still had the same look in your eye. you looked at blade the same way you looked at him all those years ago. so much has changed between the both of you, and you know that the both of you would never be able to return to the past.

⎯ though, even after all of that, some things remained the same. for example, the way you never failed to take his breath away. seeing you for the first time in years had him going through a plethora of feelings: distraught, appalled, and slightly less dejected.

⎯ but most importantly, there were still parts of the other's heart still beating for each other. even if you couldn't love him anymore, you still cared about him. you cared about him the same way you did all those years ago.

⎯ you went out of your way to find him. you went out of your way to offer him solace, even if it was for one last time. why? he didn't want to know, he didn't want to ask. he has a mission: he has to pursue it, always. nevertheless, he still found himself underneath the sun's rays, as it managed to follow him wherever, saying, "i'm here. even if you don't see me sometimes, i am still here."

⎯ and if you still cared... well, there was still hope, right?

he's leaning over a rail, looking over the xianzhou skies and the starskiffs racing by. he hasn't been back in ages. it feels... strange; it feels as if he's experiencing his first day all over again.

blade is so fascinated by the sight that he fails to hear your footsteps come closer, now reaching his side. he only hears you after you clear your throat. he's startled, for obvious reasons: but, when he sees you hold up a mung bean soda in surrender, he's surprised at how fast the panic dies down.

"aren't you going to arrest me?" he took a step back from you. you didn't move, but instead held out the drink.

"i could," you dragged out, checking your watch, "but... i'm not on duty," the corners of your lips turn up ever so slightly, like you were happy at the fact that you were having a drink with a criminal. you pull open the tab and take a sip, then offer it towards him.

he blankly stares at your hand. remembers the feeling of it in his. now, his mind is skewed. maybe even grotesque if he wanted to sound dreadful about it. but there are few happy memories he can recall, as well as the feelings during them, and it seems like you are recreating one of them currently. and oddly enough, there are no feelings of bitterness that follow him this time.

he takes and drinks the mung bean soda, and to his surprise, it’s not as bad as it was many years ago. maybe it was because your lips were on it, or maybe it’s because the once atrocious drink did get better. and when he looks up and is greeted by your curious face, he hopes that love is like that as well.

jing yuan

⎯ years ago, if you had asked jing yuan what love was, he'd say something benign: love is indescribable. a simple answer for a simple man in love. but oh, has time took its toll.

⎯ it isn't to say that love isn't indescribable. on some days, he finds it worrying that he may love you too much⎯that his willingness to give you the world was a bit concerning at times. others point it out, but jing yuan chooses to be blindsided. but he is always aware.

⎯ aware. jing yuan is nothing short of perceptive. he has been around for centuries. he has been there for wars, for battles, for decrees. and it sticks with him: forever. he does not simply forget, yet he is forced to stay in one place forever. immorality may be a blessing for others, but a curse for xianzhou natives.

⎯ he does not give himself a moment to fully relax. even if it seems that way a lot (the dozing general needs his power naps), he is always back to his duties.

⎯ however, it's different with you. with you, he has no burdens to shoulder. he has no secrets to keep from you. there is no wall of tension blocking between you. with you, everything is for grabs. his feelings, his emotions, his heart.

⎯ vulnerability. many look down at the vulnerable. and in jing yuan's line of work, the cost of vulnerability comes with a substantial price. his guard has to be up at all costs, because if not, there would be another catastrophe. his act as a lazy general is just a rouse, because there is so much that's weighing on him inside.

⎯ in a city that flies, jing yuan feels rooted by the weight of the luofu.

⎯ so imagine the amount of unconcern he feels when he's around you. the feeling of rocks suffocating him has subsided, and you are here to remove them. and one by one, he begins to feel lighter and lighter as you hull them off.

⎯ and you don't get tired. you're still here. you keep picking off the rocks, even the smallest ones. you relentlessly continue until everything is gone, and the only things left are just you and him.

⎯ by now, he understands what love is. it's when he knows how your fingers have ran through every crevice of his brain, every knot in his stomach, every knot in his soul. it's understanding. it's being able to shoulder the weight of the world with another. it's someone staying to help you get the rocks off of your body.

⎯ love is being met with soft touches instead of daggers. love is being met with mhms and reallys while retelling a story from this morning. love is being able to speak about the past, the truth of it all, and allowing the light to peek through instead of the darkness. that is what love is.

"and then, get this, i found him in the midst of a fight with blade," jing yuan throws his head on your shoulder exasperatedly, disregarding the fact that you were halfway through your novel.

"well, he was doing his job," you counter, looking back towards your lover.

"i know," he slides a hand across his face, "it's just tiring. and i don't want him to get hurt." like others, is the unspoken phrase here. it's on the tip of his tongue, you know it.

you place a bookmark in your book before shutting it. you finally turn your full attention towards jing yuan, "he's strong. you trained him."

"but," he sighs, "what if it's not enough?"

you decide the mood is a little too melancholic, so you decide to lighten the mood a little bit, "then i'll take over as general of the luofu," you grinned. jing yuan smiled as well: your smile was infectious, how could he not?

you ran a hand through his hair, "you are good enough. i hope you know that. you won't fail yanqing. he's tough and stubborn... he sadly gets that from you."

jing yuan chuckles, a real chuckle, and pulls you closer to him as you grab your book once again. he presses a chaste kiss to your temple as he reads along to the same words on a page as you.

yes, things will be okay, he thinks.

hi y'all! i have been sooo busy w sm stuff lately, like i've been preparing for college and i've been going to the gym and i've been doing sm. updates have been scarce except like the 3 alhaitham posts (i couldn't resist). but hopefully during these last few weeks of summer i can get my grind back on!!!

[2af-afterdark]

Giggling, kicking my feet, twirling my hair, I'm so glad you like my thots :3 Bael is the first character to get me this down bad and I need to do something with the brainrot, so you can 100% expect more in the future teehee

Also, this has been plaguing my thoughts for a while and. Are we going to talk about the very noticeable yandere and/or cannibal vibes Beel gives off? Like, it's not even just vibes at this point, tbh. There's that one sprite with his crazy smile, one of Bael's first chats says that Beel is "the type to fully immerse himself in whatever he likes" and then talks about having MC around so I'm pretty sure it also applies to his romantic interests, one of his homescreen lines goes something like "I keep thinking only about you whatever I do" and I'm pretty sure he was the roughest with Minhyeok during the first event (I expected it to be Levi, but he pretty much just scowled, meanwhile Beel grabbed him by the throat and honestly seemed like he was considering snapping Minhyeok's neck for getting his scent all over MC). I'd say there's a good chance he'll turn out to be at the very least pretty possessive and/or obsessive, if not downright yandere.

And the cannibalism is like. Literally just there. He ate the fifth seraph, and while technically cannibalism is eating your own species, I'd say angels and devils (and humans) are similar enough for it to count. Then there's the fact that during the current event he just casually fucking brought a bloody bag "big enough to store a demon" and asked to cook the contents (and people were only debating whether it was an angel or a demon corpse or maybe human hearts). I also can't remember the specific examples, but I recall that there were a few chats where I felt like he wants to eat MC's ass and not in a kinky way. Bro's the type to say "I could just gobble you up" and do.

Anyways, I'm starting to realise I cannot be trusted with a keyboard, I keep sending you these long-ass wall of text asks, I'm sorry 😭

— 💛

I understand you. I am also ace as fuck, but fictional men in need of a hug and a vacation are, like, the biggest fucking turn on. I feel that real deep emotion that makes my head dumb. lol

And, yes. I did notice. That's why I wrote Indulgences, actually. Bell is very cannibalistic and eats so many things that strike terror into the hearts of man. Ate an angel, ate some meat of unknown origin, implies often that he should totally be devouring MC. Like, eating and sexual metaphors have been interchanged for a long time, but with him... Sometimes it doesn't feel like a metaphor...

I know he has more lines about "eating" MC, but this is the one where I did a doubletake and actually wondered in what way he meant he'd eat them.

Interestingly enough, I get the cannibalism vibes, but I do not fully get the yandere vibes. In fact, I'd say he gives some of the least yandere vibes... in a sense. Bell is actually rather chill about MC seemingly spending time with others and has virtually no possessive tendencies when compared to devils like Leviathan or Bael. In fact, out of the interactions I've unlocked with him, he seems to almost never bring up lines that can be interpreted as keeping MC to himself.

That's why the moment with Minhyeok stood out so much. It was a moment where Bell actually showed a real possessive moment over MC. Although, it is unclear if he was being possessive or protective. I mean... this stranger walks through your electrified fence to get into your home and they smell like your squishy human? God damn right he's about to freak the fuck out until he has an explanation. Bell is actually very protective overall.

((I don't have screenshots since I didn't take them at the time AAAAAAA))

[opbackgrounds]

so I was doing some research after watching movie 6...

...and apparently it was originally written as a comedy

Yeah, I was surprised, too

Baron Omatsuri is not my favorite One Piece movie—Film Z has too many of my favorite tropes to be usurped from that position—but I do think it is the most daring. Of all the supplemental material I’ve seen and read, it feels the least...One Piece-ish. 

Yes, that includes the noodle commercials. 

If you haven’t seen the movie and can stomach a little spookiness, do yourself a favor and give it a watch. Unlike movies like Strong World or Z that have the look and feel of a manga arc, Movie 6 transplants the Straw Hat Pirates into a world that doesn’t feel like a One Piece story, taking risks and exploring themes that would never fit in the manga proper. 

In addition to the obvious changes in art and animation style, there are supernatural elements that don’t make sense within the One Piece world. None of the Straw Hats win a fight—Luffy included, although he is heavily implied to have killed the big bad at the end. The moral of the movie, if it can be said to have a moral, is if you lose the people closest to you, the answer is to forget about them and make new friends. The story ends with many questions left unanswered and the main drama between the crew unresolved.

And, if you allow me to get philosophical for a moment, I wish there were more movies like it. As I wrote in my review of Novel A, I don’t go to supplemental material or side stories looking for a repeat of what’s in the manga. Oda has written 1000 chapters of One Piece—why not spice things up a little and try something different for a change?

I know the answer isn’t that simple, and by their very nature not all risks will pan out. There will be people who don’t like this movie because it’s different, both in look and tone. But there’s something to be said about a creator putting their heart and soul into a work and having it show in the final product. 

Which brings us back to the original premise. How does a movie go from a light-hearted comedy based on a variety show theme to...this

Baron Omatsuri was directed by Mamoru Hosoda and came out in 2005. To put that into perspective, the movie was in production when the Luffy vs Usopp fight was first seen in the manga. Manga!Luffy had not yet faced the challenge of an inter-crew disputes when the story was being written and boarded, nor did the creative team have the events of Sabaody and Marineford to see how Luffy would react to the loss of his loved ones. They were working without a full understanding of Luffy’s character, and to a lessor extent the character of the Straw Hat Pirates, and it seems like Oda was much less involved In production than has been in movies since Strong World and beyond. 

Likewise, Hosoda had just left a tumultuous situation at Studio Ghibli while working on Howl’s Moving Castle, and if this interview is anything to go by (https://instrangeaeonsblog.wordpress.com/2016/04/24/mamoru-hosoda-on-omatsuri-danshaku-animestyle-interview-part-1/) was going through a lot of personal shit when he was brought on as director. The script he was given was originally written like a variety show—something that was carried over into the various trials seen in the final movie—and meant to be a lighthearted affair after the relatively serious Movie 5 (which I have not seen am thus unable to compare tone). 

With that backstory in mind, it’s easy to see how the bickering and backbiting between the Straw Hats early in the movie is a metaphor for Hosoda’s time at Ghibli, which is something he admits to in the interview. Movie 6 feels different than any other One Piece movie because it’s the project of a man who has had to endure the loss of those who he was close with, at least in a professional capacity. 

There are moments in Movie 6 where Luffy doesn’t feel like Luffy. More than once a member of the Straw Hats ask him to intervene during arguments, moments Luffy either ignores or doesn’t notice. It’s a version of Water 7 where instead of fighting Usopp, Luffy ignores the underlying differences within his crew, and as a result loses everybody. 

The structure of the three trials follows a clear path of deterioration within the crew, the initial goldfish scooping game showing the Straw Hats at their best and inciting the jealousy of the Baron, the ring toss sowing discord among the crew even as they snatch a narrow victory, only for them to be utterly crushed in the third and final challenge as they’re unable help one another survive. 

It is somewhat implied that the Breaking of the Fellowship(TM) is magical in nature—that like the One Ring, the Lily Carnation was able to influence the Straw Hat’s thoughts and actions, but this is never stated outright and I prefer the more mundane interpretation: That without strong leadership the Straw Hats fell victim to the manipulative machinations of the Baron, and simply self-destructed as a result.  In the end, it’s up to the interpretation of the viewer. 

And speaking of things up to interpretation, I love how the Lily Carnation isn’t explained in the slightest. The plant that initially absorbs the Straw Hats looks more like the stem of a devil fruit than a flower, it for some reason rings like a gong when hit, and somehow is able to turn pieces of itself into facsimile of the Baron’s old crew who can somehow move around despite being plans. It’s weird, it’s wonderful, and the element of the unknown works so well in the horror-lite setting. 

My personal theory is the island somehow managed to eat a devil fruit which manifests itself as the Lily Carnation (which due to the L/R conflation in Japanese, is pronounced ‘reincarnation’, which I think is a nice touch of foreshadowing that may or may not have been intentional).

(Also, I can’t decide if little chewing animation it makes when it’s eating people or the weird bullseyes it makes when shit gets real are the most terrifying thing in the movie.)

Hmmm, tasty.

Anyway, this is getting long, so here are some final thoughts:

1) This movie has some low key fantastic outfits. The Straw Hats all look very cool without being over designed like a lot of recent movies. Big hat Robin is of course a fave, and makes me really want to see her in a Carmen Sandiego getup.

2) Screenshots do not do the animation of the movie justice. It’s very fluid and has a lot of excellent expressions/poses, although I admit the 3D is jarring at times. Do not let the art put you off if you haven’t seen it 

3) Also, I don’t think there’s any shading? Like at all? The movie does a lot of cool stuff with color instead. For example, the scene where Luffy initially loses to the Baron his skin goes all grey, and I thought it was because he was fighting at night, but it stays grey even in the better lighting of the underground tunnels and stays that way until he finds out the Straw Hats are still alive, where it returns to his normal color

4) There’s an extended Benny Hill-type gag when Luffy first chases after the little mustache pirate that’s perfectly timed to the music, and ends when Luffy just uses his power to grab him. The comedic timing is amazing and it’s probably my favorite funny moment in the movie, of which there are several despite the overall darker tone

5) The extended jungle shot from Nami’s POV? Very cool

6) I love how from the earliest scenes nothing is as it seems. The opening text is Robin reading the map, but the storm that’s seen on screen is the one that sank the Baron’s crew. Likewise the whole fancy city is shown to be fake panels early on, the goldfish catching game is a trap, etc., etc. It does a good job clueing the viewer in early that’s something’s very wrong on the island, even if they don’t realize it at first

7) I don’t think this type of movie would work in modern One Piece without somehow nerfing Luffy. Horror works best when the protagonist is weak and vulnerable, and that fits best with a pre-Gear 2/3 Luffy (same with the rest of the crew, tbh. I was waiting for Nami to use her lightning stick during the games, forgetting it hadn’t been boosted yet). 

8) I like how there are four captains on the island representing different levels of loss—the Baron has lost his crew and wants to destroy all others because of it, mustache pirate lost his crew and is willing to put it behind him to make new friends, Luffy has freshly lost his crew and hasn’t decided what path he will go, and coward dad hasn’t lost his crew yet but is at risk if he doesn’t change his cowardly ways

9) I think the reason why Chopper was the first Straw Hat to disappear is he’s the most likely to play the part of peacemaker. He’s also the only crew member needing rescuing at the end of the goldfish scoop game, when Luffy foolishly puts his life at risk trying to save him from drowning, just like he recklessly charges the Baron at the end of the movie. Except that time there was no Sanji to save him, leaving Luffy to get his ass thoroughly kicked

10) This is a very good Halloween movie, and I’m glad I watched it in October

[avenger-hawk]

Tagged by @altraes (thank you, it was fun to do this~)

List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag 10 of your favorite authors!

                                                       *

(I wrote the first paragraphs because my first lines alone don’t make much sense lol)

1- ACQUIESCENCE (Minato/Itachi) my first fic ever. darkish but just a little, angsty. I’m proud of it cause another author wrote a sequel to it.

 to ac·qui·esce: to accept, agree, or allow something to happen by staying silent or by not arguing. A flurry of leaves, swept away by the autumn wind, caught the Hokage's attention while he took off his large hat. That time of the year should have been warmer.

2- THE WILL OF FIRE (Shiita, Danzo/Shisui, Danzo/Itachi) This was dark and shiita fans didn’t like it lol.

 Just like his owner, Danzo's studio was dark and dusty. The man didn't look as old as Hiruzen, but he was twice as scary; thus would think a boy of Itachi's age. Not him. He was not allowed to be afraid.

3- WHAT HE WANTED (Itasasu) Even tho I rewrote it cause I didn’t like how I initially characterized them and their dynamics this is my most popular fic. Maybe because it’s a post-ending, canon divergent, fix-it kind of story. Maybe because it’s Itasasu and I put so much love into writing their dynamics and, also, in giving Sasuke a good ending since canon didn’t do him justice.

Sasuke is where everybody wants him to be: in Konoha. With the battle and the arm he also lost the urge to fight. He's had enough of traveling. He's tired of chasing and being chased. So tired that even if he meant every word about starting a revolution, being the Hokage and build a new era, he had wondered, though only for a moment, if he would be able to really accomplish such tasks all by himself.

4- IN POWER WE ENTRUST THE LOVE ADVOCATED (Itasasu) THis is my second most popular fic. This one too was written after the ending and tried to give Sasuke justice. I planned to write a sequel but I got busy with other projects and lost interest in it.

The gates open, letting the shinobi in after a successfully completed mission. Being on duty the following day Sasuke declines his team mates' proposal to have dinner together, the reddish sunset light forcing him to squint as he walks towards the Hokage's office.

5- PRESSURE (Itasasu) Taken from In Power that can be read as a standalone oneshot.

Itachi wakes up to the sound of pouring water.

6- IN DREAMS (Itasasu, Izuna/Sasuke, DARKFIC). This is one of the darkest things I wrote. The Izuna/Sasuke crackpair was for @admiral-izusasu. The plot, the dynamics, everything has a double, or triple reading, plot related and metaphorical for other, real-life issues such as knowing people online, and emotional abuse from narcissistic people. I wrote it when I was fighting against one of these psychos, on tumblr itself, so this fic has a personal meaning for me. But also the plot and the canon divergent ending thing is cool, I think it’s one of my best fics, even though I coulnd’t care less about izuna.

They say that nature will always find a way. After the end of the war flowers keep blooming like nothing happened even if the light is fainter, filtered from the tall branches of the Shinju tree, now grown into a forest spread all over the world.

7- SOMBER CREATION PALE DESTRUCTION (Madara/Sasuke dom/sub-ish). Darkish? Who knows, I write darkfish stuff all the time. I was (and am) very proud of this fic, the canon divergent turn it took (who am I kidding, it’s really cool lol) and the weird relationship/dynamics these 2 created. So I didn’t update it anymore, because doing so would break their thin balance. Ssssh, don’t tell me it doesn’t make sense, I don’t believe you xD

History teaches that Madara Uchiha died at the hands of Hashirama Senju. Their statues were erected in the Valley Of The End where their battle was fought, where the shinobi god ended his best friend's life in order to protect the village they founded together. No one knows that Madara didn't die there.

8- IN THE DARK (kakashi/Sasuke, mob/Sasuke noncon). This is a very dark oneshot that I’m proud of, cause it ‘explains’ canon Sasuke personality in Shinden and later, and that I use as prequel for many fics, like WHW but also OFAF and Broken Things (see later for both).

Things never went as Sasuke wanted. After the war it's no different, although everything seems fine at first, Team 7 finally at peace with each other, the war ended and the village that Itachi protected, even as a dead man, safe. Nevertheless he is arrested when he's still in the hospital.

9- VICTIMS OF PEACE (Shisui/Sasuke dom/sub-ish) I am so proud of this fic, of its non massacre universe, of the dark-ish slow burn relationship between Shisui and Sasuke I wrote, tentatively at first cause no one did it or thought much about it, and because that non massacre filler was bad, but still it was inspiration. I know shiita fans hated me even more for this cause shisui is only paired with itachi, and also itachi/itasasu fans were disappointed but still. This is maybe the fic I’m most proud of.

If a traveler arrived from a random village in the Fire Country he would certainly notice how different Konoha was. He would not be able to pinpoint exactly why at first, because the buildings, houses and shops are similar, just like their gardens, fields and animals. Only after some thought he would understand that the difference is in their people: other villagers are relaxed and casual, even loud. Children run around the streets, chasing each other, playing tag or hide-and-seek. Their fathers bring them presents and their mothers buy them new clothes.

10- OF FEATHERS AND FANGS (DARK Narusasu) I received a lot of hate for this one, which makes me proud of it even more. so many naruto stans were butthurt by my characterization of him as a possessive not sunshine selfless boy and their dynamics as crazy.

Jiraiya used to complain that the first sign of getting old was waking up at night for no reason and not being able to fall back asleep. For Naruto, this only happened after the war.

11- BLACK ROSES (Itasasu, dom/sub-ish) Smutty Bloody Darky Hokage Itachi/Anbu Sasuke oneshot

Because of his farsighted politics, his loyalty towards his allies as well as his iron fist against his enemies, Itachi quickly became one of the most respected leaders in the shinobi world, and because of his unequaled diplomatic skills, along with his vast culture, impeccable manners and refined appearance, he became popular among nobles, including the Daimyo, whose official visits increased since the Uchiha rose to power.

12- NELL’IPOTESI GRANDE (=IN THE BIG HYPOTHESIS) (MetaMoro, not Naruto) I’m very proud of this one cause it’s a psycho-pass inspired longfic set in a retrofuturistic Italy with a totalitarian consumeristic regime. But that fandom is so shitty and they all hate me cause I called them homophobic fascists so no one cares. The excerpt is translated too.

He’s reminded of Pirandello’s* words as he’s riding the automatic taxi across the city, exiting the center towards EUR. COmpared to Milan with its skyscrapers, multilevel streets, automatic cars and incessant novelties, the capital is basically the same as it was portrayed in old illustrations: renaissance and 20th century buildings, seagulls, pines among the Roman ruins, sycamore trees on the Lungotevere, that was probably already busy with traffic when people travelled on horse carriages. (*an Italian writer)

13- DA UOMO A UOMO, MANO NELLA MANO (from man to man, hand in hand) (Metamoro) lol I was hated a lot for this one too. tbh the hate I received in the Naruto fandom is nothing compared to this other shitty fandom

For an artist like Fabrizio, mainly focused on expressing what he has inside, public relations are the hardest part of his job, especially when it’s about events where, instead of fans, of whom he perceives the sincere affection, other artists and professionals are invited. His experience taught him that most of them are hypocrites ready to jump on the winner’s bandwagon as quickly as to throw mud at the loser.

14- STRENGTH THROUGH WOUNDING (wip) (Obito/Sasuke, Obito/Itachi, dark.-ish) 

There is something nostalgic in the eerie way the boy's screams resonate through the dark cavern-like hideout, their pain bouncing from one curved wall to another, their anguish filling their crevices. It’s like hearing his past self from an external perspective, like Madara did. Which is fitting, for Obito is Madara now.

15- WORDS UNSAID (wip) (Kakashi/Sasuke) 

A black flame that cannot be extinguished: they had been warned about Amaterasu by Jiraiya, but seeing it was impressive nevertheless. The whole area was surrounded by black flames and the rain pouring hard could nothing against it. They found Sasuke there, surrounded, imprisoned by black flames that were extinguishing themselves, so they found a breach.

16- BLEEDING ME (Metamoro vampire/priest darkfic) No one can understand this in the Naruto fandom but it’s an AU interpretation of the Da UOMO A UOMO character dynamics where one is an emotional vampire-like person. I’m very proud of this fic tbh.

According to folk stories the forest was so big and full of dangers that God himself put a church where it ended, so that its priest would protect the people living nearby. It was a small, white building that didn’t match the typical stones and wood brownish ones of that region, with no stained glass windows or fancy columns, spires or gargoyles, only crosses with skulls and bones, and an engraving in an unknown language.

17- WILD CHILD (Metamoro cop/drug dealer AU). At this point I hate that fandom so much but I like my ideas and I write only for my girl whom I met in that very shitty fandom.

Everything seems bigger in children’s eyes. Like the playground in the courtyard of the church, with its slides and swings that for Ermal’s siblings were the setting of countless imaginary adventures which they told him in detail, enthusiastically interrupting each other, when he picked them up after school.

18- TRUE COLORS (Itasasu, dark, dom/sub) By now I’m only interested in writing dark IS and I enjoyed writing this one lol

"I knew you had it in you. You're a sadistic control freak. Even more than me." Orochimaru's voice resounded in Itachi's ears. Again.

19- OF FEATHERS AND FANGS 2: TO REPAIR WITH GOLD (Dark Narusasu). Cause I didn’t piss off NS fans enough I guess? lol this is ongoing and I like this idea so much

It's a rainy day in Konoha but no one seems to notice. Everyone is focused on the Hokage delivering his eulogy.

20- BROKEN THINGS (Shisui/Sasuke) My latest creation, I’m so proud of it cause it’s Shisasu again, my rarepair! and it was supposed to be a oneshot but it got longer because they have such a cool dynamic that things just happen and get longer.

In the Land of Water summers were hot and damp, autumn and spring were damp for the frequent rains and winter was no less, with its cold temperature and ubiquitous dampness. It wasn't a problem for Sasuke though.

                                                                       *

Tagging: @renamon15 and all the other authors I can’t remember right now and who want to do this, tag me back so I can read your first lines lol

[labyrinth-runner]

Which Fic...

Tagged by @anakinswhore

I had to break out the master lists for this. ALSO. I’m leaving out any sinful sunday things for this lol

…did you think would get a bigger reaction/audience than it got?

Oh gosh. Literally any of my song fics? Like literally any of the Obidala ones.  Specifically Guys My Age and One Thing. I also had high hopes for Senate Submission (Obidala) and Love Drunk (Obi-Wan) and I feel like those both flopped.

Also The Greatest Thing. It’s one of those things where you put hours and hours of effort into it and no one really reads it, so that’s discouraging.

…got a better reaction than you expected?

A Garden in Gotham. When it comes to fics on here, it’s definitely the one series that’s garnered the most asks. 

Also, Pirate!Obi. Everyone seems to love him.

Off of here, my most popular fic is actually Come What May, which is my modern AU Obidala fic but it’s also very centered around Obi-Wan and Anakin’s bromance (they’re foster brothers in my AU).

…is your funniest?

Oh gosh. I have a lot of funny one liners that I sneak into things that no one ever catches onto. But. Probably either Come What May, or Hauntober Day 25, Crystals. I’m here for the roasting of Anakin for losing his lightsabers

…is your darkest/angstiest?

Oh gawrsh.

I feel like there are bits and pieces of darkness in my multi-chapter fics.

Come What May deals with grief for a stretch.

Aconite in the Night from AGiG was sinister.

The Greatest Thing has a lot of angst here and there.

Senate Submission is dark in the sense that what he does is fucked up.

There’s one oneshot I wrote where I wrote it based off Obi at the end of the slave trade arc in TCW.

…is your absolute favorite?

Fuck. Guys My Age, Come What May, and Some Like it Hot for Obidala

For Obi-Wan x Reader... Love Drunk and the Pirate!Obi oneshot where he goes back to reader’s home.

I’m also hella proud of my Alex Law Series. And The Greatest Thing.

…is your least favorite?

My Obi x Reader fic Settle Down, purely because it was my first and I used “Y/N” instead of you and Y/N is my pet peeve in x Reader fics.

Also, Unholy Version 3. I wrote Padmé cheating on Anakin and I feel guilty about it.

…was the easiest to write?

Come What May at times because I’m purely writing that fic for my own self healing and indulgence. And the Banter just comes so easily.

…was the hardest to write?

The Greatest Thing. I’ve done. So. Much. Research. When I wrote that fic.

Also, Across the Stars. It’s my Obi x OC fic that I literally haven’t touched since I wrote the first part. RN it just lives on AO3. 

…has your favorite line/exchange/paragraph? (share it)

Okay so I’ve got like two.

Come What May, Ch 13

"I don't think I will ever get used to talking about him in the past tense," he said hollowly. Her heart broke for him.

"Obi, you don't have to. I don't think it's something anyone would ever get used to. He was your father, and the idea that he should have been around a lot longer isn't something odd. If it helps you to talk about him as if he's just gone out and he's going to come back for now, then you should," she said gently. "This is still fresh and raw for you. You will heal, but you have to heal at your own pace. You don't have to force yourself to haphazardly stitch up the wound. That will only make it worse. It'll either get infected, or it won't heal properly and you'll be left with a scar."

"Padmé, I'm sorry," he replied, looking off to the side. She could see the unshed tears building in his eyes again.

"Look at me," she said, gently cupping his face and refocusing him on her. "You do not have to apologize for grieving. You will always be grieving this loss. Sometimes you'll have good days, and sometimes there will be days where you see something and it'll remind you of him so much that you'll want to break down. But no matter what, those feelings are valid. He's your dad, Obi, and nothing will change that fact. But, you need to give yourself time. You shouldn't push yourself too hard to be okay, because you're not. That's not to say you won't eventually be okay, but right now you're not and that is perfectly fine. It's human. There's no correct way to grieve, but you need to grieve."

"Padmé, I..." he trailed off, a soft smile forming on his face as he looked at her. She wanted to ask him to finish his thought, but this wasn't about her right now. Instead, she used her thumb to flick away a stray tear.

And... In The Greatest Thing, Chapter One

"Is a woman not a flower?" she asked in response. "If one looked at the ball room like a bird in a tree looks over a garden, would they not see the same sight? Women in colorful dresses, putting on their best airs and making themselves colorful enough to be wanted in order to attract the bees of men."

His brow furrowed at her words. "You speak like a poet. Darling, what's wrong with attracting a bee?"

She smiled knowingly, wagging a pointed finger at him like she used to when they were children and she needed to teach him a lesson. "Bees pollinate flowers. They spread the pollen 'round and round. Bees have the ability to seek out other flowers when theirs start to wither and die. Bees don't have to tend to the flower as it dies on the vine," she gently reached out to hold a dying rose, smiling sadly at it. "No one wants the flower when its not at its best, for they don't truly love the flower. If they did... they'd know that the flower still had so much more to give, even after it looses its beauty."

He smiled at her as he softly asked, "And if someone cherished the flower in all forms?"

"Because they respected the flower or merely because they saw the usefulness of the flower?" she countered as she released the flower to regard him. She didn't quite realize it, but she was holding her breath as she awaited his answer.

"Perhaps they respect the flower, missing it terribly when it doesn't grow back every year. Still, as they're in the garden, they think of the flower and how the garden isn't quite the same without it," he replied.

"You missed me?" she asked breathlessly.

"Are we no longer discussing flowers?" he chuckled.

"Were we ever discussing flowers?" she countered with a raised brow.

…have you re-read the most?

Okay so. I know I said I wouldn’t talk about sinful sunday but. I think the ones I reread the most are the Imperial Obi Sinful Sundays And the one that I think I have titled “Dirty Talk meets breaking the bed’

…would you recommend to someone reading your work for the first time?

Tbh, I’d just direct them to my Masterlist of Masterlists and tell them to go at it. But, if you want to really get to know me, truly, deeply know me... Come What May, which is only on a03 and ff.net, and The Greatest Thing, because TGT is truly a labor of love.

…are you most proud of?

The first like. 8 chapters of The Greatest Thing. Those were truly like next level, Jane austen tier metaphors and writing and I am proud of it, even if no one reads it lmao. I get it, no one likes OCs, but I didn’t want to spend the whole fic using “you” because that just gets so repetitive. But, I also love the one shot that inspired TGT as well.

Tagging any of my writer friends, @sabinemorans @goldenkenobi @the-mandalorian-clone-lover

[loseyoutoloveme]

can you do a rundown/review of every song on folklore like you've done for selena? and what your current top 5 are??

considering this is officially one of my top 3 favourite albums ever i’m v happy to 😌! warning, absolutely every single song will be ranked 10/10

thank for wanting to know my thoughts :( i can’t believe anybody would volunteer to read this JDNSKSDJKDS

first of all, my top 5 is probbbbably gonna change (maybe not tho bc my lover top 5 hasn’t really changed a lot), but for now, i think it’s: august > seven > mad woman > illicit affairs > mirrorball

THE 1:

ngl my very first thought was that it reminded me of same love by macklemore skdjdskjdskjsd but not in a bad way!

literally some of the prettiest lyrics, i knew just from this song that this would top red as her best lyrically (best album in general)

honestly just rly sad and sweet and one of those songs that has such a universal sound i feel?

also the simplest song of the album lyrically (also not in a bad way, just like objectively this is the easiest subject matter on the album with the least opaque lyrics), so a really good opener

best lyrics: “we never painted by the numbers baby but we were making it count/you know the greatest loves of all time are over now” and “we were something don’t you think so/roaring twenties tossing pennies in the pool/and it my wishes came true it would’ve been you”

a cute girl, 10/10

CARDIGAN:

i was surprised by the darkish sound of this one

idk what that like clanking sound in the background is but i find it a lil distracting in the first half of the song - but if i ever find out what it is and it has some symbolic meaning/purpose for being there (i assume it does) i’ll accept it sdjknsd

i love the nostalgia that is so present in like almost every song on this album :(

also the music video is stunning and frames the entire album in the most interesting way, metaphor-wise

best lyrics: “i knew you’d linger like a tattoo kiss/knew you’d haunt all of my what-ifs/the smell of smoke would hang around this long/cause i knew everything when i was young/i knew i’d curse you for the longest time/chasin’ shadows in the grocery line/i knew you’d miss me when the thrill expired/and you’d be standing in my front porch light/and i knew you’d come back to me”

10/10

THE LAST GREAT AMERICAN DYNASTY:

love this one bc it’s like a nice lil exhale in an album filled with angst, like it’s cute and boppy without being aggressive

i’m suddenly absolutely obsessed with rebekah harkness, particularly the “bitch pack” thing and her dyeing someone’s dog green

i love taylor’s storytelling and i love how that’s always been a big part of her approach to songwriting. this is taylor at her best narration, like starlight but so much better. this is a type of songwriting that is so underused these days, esp by mainstream artists and i love so much that she has always used it and been so invested in it

the pronoun change made me screech. sooo goooood

taylor’s obv a deeply autobiographical artist which is why it’s so incredible to hear her tell OTHER people’s stories and somehow make them so her own. like i think it’s mostly the english major in me that just gets so emotional over that...... the way that other people’s stories became our own through the way we tell them......

this song is def the one that is most explicit about the album’s theme of telling stories but ones that tell something about her (and about her listeners too), by switching to personal pronouns at the end. it sets up a pattern for the rest of the album, where each song is about one thing (the actual story she’s telling) but also about a bunch of other things.

a good example of why she’s the greatest songwriter of this generation

best lyrics: “there goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen/she had a marvelous time ruining everything”

10/10

EXILE:

bon iver’s voice was a full shock to the system the first time i listened and idk why sdkjnds it is just so deep and i was not at all expecting it esp after the cuteness of tlgad

anyway these lyrics are GORGEOUS

i love a duet where the 2 singers’ lyrics are meant to be directed at each other. is there a word for that type of duet idk but it always makes a duet infinitely better

the miscommunication exemplified in the bridge...... chef’s kiss heartbreaking

out of all the songs this is the one that makes me feel the most like i am in the middle of a forest in winter. i can already picture myself listening to this song in december with the sound of a crackling fire in the background mmmmmmmm my exact vibe

best lyrics: “you’re not my homeland anymore/so who am i defending now?/you were my town, now i’m in exile seeing you out” and “i’m not your problem anymore/so who am i offending now?”

10/10

MY TEARS RICOCHET:

this chorus BRRROOOOKE ME

writing songs presumably about the masters situation and framing them as breakup songs was absolutely galaxy brain

i feel like the image of tears ricocheting has like a million layers to it and is just suuuuch a smart metaphor

also just such a visually rich song ? so is every song on the album but the metaphors of this song are all just so visual

best lyrics: “i didn’t have it in myself to go with grace/and you’re the hero flying around saving face/and if i’m dead to you why are you at the wake?” and “i can go anywhere i want/anywhere i want, just not home”

10/10

MIRRORBALL:

ok so i did like this one on first listen, i loved absolutely everything on first listen, but it didn’t hit my top 5 until like 8 listens later, so it’s def a big grower and i think could be a huge fan fav by next year

the self-awareness in her writing will never fail to amaze me

the way that life is just performing...... yeah

but it’s crazy to me that a person could be like “i’m a compulsive people pleaser and performer and i’ll do anything to get ppl to like me” and that leads to “i am a disco ball” like ???? her brain is so big. it’s such a gorgeous metaphor.... and the circus imagery AHHHHH

best lyrics: “i’m still on that tightrope/i’m still trying everything to get you laughing at me/i’m still a believer but i don’t know why/i’ve never been a natural, all i do is try try try/i’m still on that trapeze/i’m still trying everything to keep you looking at me” and “i can change everything about me to fit in”

10000/10

SEVEN:

this one simply rips my heart out

at first i was like oh this is so weird and then the chorus just would not leave my head

for me personally, nostalgia is literally 90% of my personality and just for so many personal reasons the thought of childhood ending and all of the growing pains that come along with that have been at the forefront of my psyche for the past year. so it just kills me whenever i find a song like this one and it kills me that taylor specifically has several songs about this topic and this is 100000% the best of them all. like it’s the most beautiful experience to have your thoughts and feelings and fears expressed so perfectly by a total stranger, and that’s rly what art is about and i love taylor for doing that for me and millions of other people

i just feel like this song brings up so many vivid beautiful memories of childhood for so many people, like being outside in the summer and screaming and being free. ugh

the pause after “i hit my peak at seven” before completing the phrase........ OOOOOOOOOF IT HITS TOO HARD

and sound-wise, just so off-beat and cool and unique

best lyrics: “i hit my peek at seven/feet in the swing across the creek” and “are there still beautiful things?” and “love you to the moon and to saturn/passed down like folk songs/the love lasts so long” and “before i learned civility/i used to scream ferociously/any time i wanted”

100000000000/10

AUGUST:

i knew immediately that this would be my favourite tbh like i could sense it the second it began

i wrote my first impression thoughts in my journal and you can tell the exact moment i got to the bridge bc i just started screaming sdnjksdkjsdn

i would 100% get a tattoo that said “to live for the hope of it all”

everything about this song is LITERALLY flawless like i have.......no notes......no thoughts.......it’s just an absolutely perfect song

best lyrics: “back when we were still changing for the better/wanting for was enough/for me it was enough/to live for the hope of it all" and “august sipped away like a bottle of wine/cause you were never mine”

100000000000000000000000000/10

THIS IS ME TRYING:

this song is rly good but i keep forgetting it exists omg :/ once i learn all of the lyrics i’ll appreciate her more

the strings are gorgeous

i was rly surprised that this one was done with jack instead of aaron just bc the bridge of this sounds SOOOO the national

these lyrics could be interpreted in so many different ways depending on the listener’s experiences and that’s beautiful

best lyrics: “i was so ahead of the curve/the curve became a sphere/fell behind all my classmates and i ended up here” and “it’s hard to be at a party when i feel like an open wound/it’s hard to be anywhere these days when all i want is you/you’re a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town”

10/10

ILLICIT AFFAIRS:

that soft high note on “down,” “stop,” etc is sooooo nice

i don’t have many thoughts on it, it’s just so soft, SOOOOOO gorgeous instrumentally and lyrically

best lyrics: “it’s born from just one single glance/but it dies and it dies and it dies/a million little times” and “don’t call me kid, don’t call me baby/look at this godforsaken mess that you made me/you showed me colours you know i can’t see with anyone else” and “you taught me a secret language i can’t speak with anyone else/and you know damn well/for you i would ruin myself/a million little times”

100000/10

INVISIBLE STRING:

like i said about tlgad, this is a nice little break from all the angst and pain and anger sdnjksdnskjsd just a sweet little break to remind u there are good things in the world too. so placed really well in the tracklist imo

super super super super cute chorus

so many pretty melodies

absolutely an autumn song btw

best lyrics: “time, mystical time/cutting me open, then healing me fine”

10/10

MAD WOMAN:

i literally lost my mind listening to this for the first time

i have such a thing for scorned women anthems like i will immediately love it whatever it is

the pure rage when she says “cause you took everything from me” gives me full body chills

it is just so eerie and haunting and perfect

best lyrics: “women like hunting witches too/doing your dirtiest work for you/it’s obvious that wanting me dead/has really brought you two together” and “every time you call me crazy i get more crazy/what about that?” and “good wives always know/she should be mad, should be scathing like me/but no one like a man woman”

1000000/10

EPIPHANY:

i find this one so hard to listen to but it’s absolutely beautiful and devastating and so heavily relevant for i think the whole world rn

the heart monitor and the trumpets tying both of the topics in together is so genius and so heartbreaking

i think will be the sygb of folklore where it makes everybody cry so much that it becomes a skip despite being a beautiful song

best lyrics: “something med school did not cover/someone’s daughter, someone’s mother” and “some things you just can’t speak about”

10/10

BETTY:

first of all THE HARMONICA

this made me so happy bc it’s just so debut and so fearless and it made me SOOOOO nostalgic on my first listen, because it really felt to me like i was getting to listen to a song from debut or fearless for the very first time again

it’s just so sweet and cute and simple and yet another very self-aware moment of looking back to her past material/subject matter

best lyrics: “would you have me? would you want me?/would you tell me to go fuck myself/or lead me to the garden?” and “i’m only seventeen, i don’t know anything/but i know i miss you”

10/10

PEACE:

the bass at the beginning is soooooo nice

this miiiiiight be the strongest song on the album lyrics-wise but idk yet

not much to say, it’s just so gorgeous

best lyrics: “i’m a fire and i’ll keep your brittle heart warm/if your cascade ocean wave blues come/all these people think love’s for show/but i would die for you in secret” and “would it be enough if i could never give you peace?” and “i talk shit with my friends, it’s like i’m wasting your honour”

10/10

HOAX:

i have a feeling this one will be underrated/underappreciated bc it’s just simple and dark and the last song, but this is....... a lyrical masterpiece

i feel like i need to be playing this on vinyl with all of the lights off and just a candle burning yknow, like there’s just something so dark and ancient about it

best lyrics: “my winless fight/this has frozen my ground” and “your faithless love’s the only hoax i believe in/don’t want no other shade of blue but you/no other sadness in the world would do” and “you knew it still hurt underneath my scars/from when they pulled me apart/but what you did was just as dark/darling this was just as hard”

10/10

OVERALL: 10000000000/10 literally one of the best albums i have ever heard and (while i wouldn’t put it past her to top it) absolutely the best work of her career. so complex and layered and emotional and painful and genuine and different. not to get ahead of myself but this is/should be considered her blue, her rumours, her abbey road....... god. can’t wait to listen to this album for the rest of my life and play it for my future children and just watch it live on as the greatest work of one of the most important artists of the 21st century

[syncogon]

rainbow sea 星游记 new movie!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RToCz1Arveo

heretoforth referred as rs3 because i called the first movie rs2 and bc i still dunno what to call 风暴法米拉

LET’S. FUCKING. GO.

(when i have no fellow english fans to talk to i have to make up for the lack of hype all by myself)

i thought the news was fake, i had to reread it to be sure, i could NOT believe that after 3 years they would just drop it on us with 0 warning!!!

the poster is... beautiful... i cri...... (please... more posters??) 

notice the silhouette of his dad in the bg too :0 

hang in there maidang bb fight off the darkness

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RToCz1Arveo

the trailer/teaser wasn’t directly linked in the announcement posts, but!! i found it!! and it’s also really good and made me exponentially more hype!! because i’m me i’m giving this the frame by frame analysis treatment.

when i saw this i couldn’t tell if this was an old scene redraw, or just an old scene, or a new scene... i think it’s a new scene? in the past they’ve been at a river and this looks like an ocean. but it’s so cute! look at baby maidang and how he’s sitting!

so cute..... baby...... don’t cry ;_; also i still love the eye styles in this show

:eyes: but also how the markings have spread aaa :(

ooh i forgot this was what... europa i think? looked like in this. it looks so cool 

go gudong! i hope he plays a more significant role / has more character moments

white eye??? mm i never figured out how i should spell his name. whiteye? white-eye? bc redeye looks nice as is but too many of the other pentachrome end in ‘e’, blue, purple (maybe violet)... maybe i should just call them baiyan hongyan etc... but yeah im also super hyped to actually see the other pentachrome in action!!! it been 9 years man let us see more of them! 

wondering what challenge this is. i hope this competition is more than just straight up fights now haha

DIYA BEING BADASS! HER POWER IS SO COOL PLEASE LET HER USE IT WELL DIYA I LOVE YOU if i didn’t already have a new discord pfp from the poster i would totally use this screencap ngl

auroras also being badass!!! love his power too. GOD IM SUCH A SUCKER FOR CREATIVE AND CREATIVELY USED SUPERPOWERS ive been a superpower high since hh13 and also my qzgs superhero au and now this just keeps getting better!! wonder if we’ll get more char dev for him? please? more of him being embarrassed around diya? 呵呵

yeah this whole thing is really just me yelling huh 

MILONG MILONG MILONG MILONG MILONG MILONG MILONG MILONG

i’m going to cry

IT’S BEEN TOO LONG

WE WERE ROBBED OF YOU LAST MOVIE

I’M READY TO SEE YOU FIGHT AGAIN AND BE BADASS AFTER YOU HAD SOME SENSE KICKED INTO YOU

AND ALSO HEAR AH JIE’S WONDERFUL VOICE 

I’M GONNA CRY WHEN YOU APPEAR

WILL YOU HAVE NEW MOVES FOR US ooh actually i wonder if others will too

MILONGGGGGGG

wait since when did he have a knife/sword?

just some pics. fight scenes!

aaaaaaaa

sis boom rah

yo what’s with the ground here

it’s ya boi redeye!!! actually looking scared/shocked/alarmed!!! im so hyped to see him in action again??! kick his ass and save maidang!!! was auroras fighting him?? (man im kind of hoping to see tang wude again too but probably he’s still stuck on pluto sadd)

man i should do some screencap redraws tbh

aaaaaaa

i was super curious about the 3 figures here, but it might just be metaphorical - middle one is definitely redeye, other two look a bit like kela and kaliya

quiet sobbing

but yes im very very excited

hmmmm she wasn’t in this at all but i hope we get more of shu!!! (and her robot ofc.) theory of shu being milong’s long lost sister has so much support please let it be true. i gotta post that thing i wrote three years ago. (and the other rs things i wrote 3 years ago)

oh wait we didn’t see the guy that redeye reached out to at the end of last movie! the guy counting primes. wonder what role if any he’ll play? who is he? 

what else.... aaa i do wanna see tang wude too and more of his umbrella powers hehe

im just. so hype. i bet this also prob won’t be more than like 70 min but by god am i ready. 3 years for this, please let it be good. i also hope i can watch this soon bc idk when it’ll be available. i wanna pay to support them but idk if i can...

all my love to the rainbow sea team!! see you soon, fly again! 

[winkyjinki]

author asks 1-30 GO!

WHEW OK STRAP IN BUCKO (I already answered 1&29 uwu)

2. When you’re writing a new story, what is the one thing you need to know before you can start?

This is gonna sound so like “duh bitch” but I always need to know AT LEAST how I want it to end. Or like the almost-end. Bc it’s like if you know where you want to go then you can figure out how to build up to that moment. 

They always say it’s not abt the destination, but the journey. But like in this case, you need to know the destination to figure out the journey oop--

3. How do you know when a scene is “done”?

This is gonna sound so vague but like... when I feel like it’s complete? Like when I think it’s served its purpose in the fic.

In theatre, every single scene has a purpose in building up to the climax & resolution, so I always try to make sure that each scene has served its purpose in moving the plot along/gives you something for a later plot point.

4. How do you know when a chapter is “done”?

Ummm... I try to end it at a good point. Honestly this is the hardest for me because I always want to end it at a good point but also where it feels like the equivalent of a half-cadence in music (it doesn’t feel complete).

That’s like my best explanation.

5. How do you know when a story is “done”?

I think my story is done when I’ve neatly wrapped up the plot to my liking while also leaving as little loose ends as possible.

This is a boring answer lmao but it’s really my best explanation.

6. Where do your titles come from?

Most of my titles come from songs that my fics remind me of. I try to make it be like ~poetic~ bc I can’t come up w titles from the pits of my brain but I can def try to find the perfect song lyric LOL

7. How do you feel about prologues?

I feel like it’s really useful for setting some background info that you want to reference but don’t actually want to explain in the main story LOL but it’s def not necessary

8. How do you feel about epilogues?

Another thing that I feel is def not necessary but sometimes you want a little “what happens next?”...as a treat

9. Do you tend to have an external narrator or use one of the characters?

I like the idea of using a limited POV, so I like to use one of the characters for narration. Bc in my opinion it’s a little much when you’re like spending so much time being ~omniscient~ but that’s just my opinion.

10. Does your narrator move from character to character? 

Ummm honestly it depends for me. Like for me it’s like...if the story calls for it in my heart. 

I usually like to keep it to one character unless I’m planning a more complex story that calls for a lot of different POVs!

11. What punctuation do you love too much?

Bruh... Commas, semicolons and this bitch (–) are my holy grail I feel like I’m the queen of run-on sentences.

12. What punctuation do you hate with a passion?

Okay I don’t HATE them but I really don’t like the overuse!!!!! of exclamation points!!!!!! I use them a lot when I’m just posting about stuff I’m really passionate about like that’s cute I just am not too crazy about that in like prose & creative writing. I wouldn’t say it’s a pet peeve, per se, but it’s just not my cup of tea :/

13. What grammar tends to cause problems when you’re writing?

Idek what this means but like I guess I struggle with writing verbs in the right POV bc, like I said, I'm the queen of run on sentences so I tend to lose focus on what’s the subject of the sentence.

14. What’s the one word you can never spell/use properly, no matter how hard you try?

I am actually illiterate so I always end up misspelling words ALL the time just bc like my brain will turn off. I used to use the word “futile” incorrectly all the time but once I like actually found out how to use it correctly, I’ve been pretty good :0

15. How do you write a really good metaphor?

Bro when I figure it out I will SHARE

I don’t have a strategy--sometimes I just write good ones and idek how it happened oof--

16. What is your best piece of advice for writing angst scenes?

If you are HURTING by the time you’re done with it, you did it right. When I write angst, I know it’s good if my heart hurts by the end of it LOL

17. What is your best piece of advice for writing hurt/comfort scenes?

Kinda the same as 16, like it hurts but in a better way. This will probably also be the same as my answer for 22, but if it just makes you soft, you’re doing well.

Soft & hurt is the combo you need for that.

18. What is your best piece of advice for writing comedy scenes?

I like to share these scenes with people (beta readers, friends, etc.) and see how they receive them. Even if they don’t laugh like SUPER HARD, I think it’s worth keeping if they make positive comments and they say stuff like “That’s a mood.” or “I related to that hard.” bc in my humble opinion that’s good enough for me.

I’m working on a Trashmouth comedy special series, and I literally just read the skits to my friends and see what lands and what doesn’t.

I just like to treat any comedy scene as a comedy skit. Just see what lands !

19. What is your best piece of advice for writing action scenes?

Oh man, I don’t do a lot of those, so I don’t really have much advice for that :( maybe in like a year I’ll have something for that lollll

20. What is your best piece of advice for writing smut scenes?

Now I’m no expert on doing the dirty, but I did read up on how to write like...good sex scenes....and a lot of the sources say to (in my own words) overload on thought and emotion. 

Like honestly I don’t read smut for the sex (I mean like.... I get hype when my ship gets nasty but that’s beside the point), I read it to see how someone comes undone for their lover and I think that’s IMPORTANT. Tbh anyone can write sex, but like I need that connection.

21. What is your best piece of advice for writing romance scenes?

Overload on that thought and emotion, dude. Make your heart THROB. I like to make this a matter of building tension and setting the release. Like no I will not be giving you that kiss yet bc that’s too easy. Build it up a little bit.

Talk about slow burn

22. What is your best piece of advice for writing fluff scenes?

If you read it and you feel like you might explode from how much these characters love each other, you are doing amazing, sweetie.

23. How do you balance your characters in an ensemble story?

I like to list out the primary, secondary, and side characters and figure out where they come in the story, what the relationships are, what purpose they serve the plot, stuff like that.

In a theatre standpoint (obviously), any character in a play has their own purpose and without even one of them, you can’t wrap that story up neatly. Like in Ancient Greek plays, even the smallest part played an integral part in moving the plot along.

24. How do you balance your characters when there are only a two or three in a story?

I like to think about what purpose each character serves in the story. I also like to think about whether this story revolves around one character, or if it delves into each character’s story and they kind of intertwine. Maybe they’re family or a team or roommates, or maybe they’re strangers whose lives are connected in some way if you wanna take that route.

I think when there are so little characters, you get more room to make them their own people. And you have that possibility of making it a collection of stories that come together without making it so confusing.

I think about that in, like, a theatre standpoint obviously.

25. How do you create an original character?

AAA I’ve never really made an OC but honestly I like to think it’s like making a sim LOL I’m so sorry to EVERYONE who’s ever made an OC.

I don’t even remember was my OC building process was like when I wrote original stories in, like, middle school.

26. How do you go about world building?

Oof ok I’ve been writing fanfic for as long as I can remember so that’s kinda cheating a little bit LOL it’s self explanatory.

But in the few original stories I’ve written (and honestly even when I write for some AUs), I base a lot of things on my own reality. So like people I know, places I like to go to, events that have taken place in my lifetime, they’re like the template, and depending on the nature of this world (realistic, fantasy, modern, futuristic, etc), that’s like how I’ll mold it to be part of that world.

27. Do you try to do most of your research ahead of writing (when research is necessary) or do you do it as things come up?

Honestly, I research things as they come up because things are always gonna come up. I’m constantly coming up with little things I can add into my fics, and I like to try all my ideas to see if they work with the story. I don’t want to scrap an idea just bc it’s not in my archive of research.

I also think when you get too wrapped up in technicalities, you lose focus of the actual story, so I like to jump in and do all my fact-checking as I go along!

28. How do you make sure your plot points are there while also making them blend in with the story?

This is something that I’m still figuring out because I’m just now getting back into writing longer fics, but I think as long as you make them fit in a way that they serve the plot or they play into one of your characters’ motives then it’s a good plot point!

30. How do you edit your stories?

This is gonna sound so extra, but I rewrite ALL OF IT from the beginning. When I do this, it really helps me figure out how to write thing in a more efficient and effective manner.

And I cannot stress this enough, beta readers are SO useful. You can do all of the proofreading you want, but someone who’s reading your writing will probably catch more spelling and grammar mistakes honestly. Also, they can give you insight on what might need more development, what might not make as much sense, and what really isn’t that necessary.

[guardiandae]

Meta/Commentary Part 3: A Little ‘XO’ Wouldn’t Go Amiss

(Spoilers below)

I don’t normally add chapter titles to my fics, but for this one I did and now it’s cool to point out

Finally, we’ve reached the last chapter, and this is an integrated POV, which I think really brings the theme of their communication problems full circle. No more split narratives, they need to start communicating with each other if they want to stay together.

Nate woke up on the couch the next morning with Wade's blanket tucked in all around him.

WADE TUCKED NATE IN, I’M SCREAMING, WHO WROTE THIS?? ILLEGAL!

-

Being disconnected from Wade's mind made everything feeling so much emptier and a little bit colder.

Can I call this foreshadowing?

-

Wade hadn't moved in with many possessions, but this one box he'd insisted on storing underneath Nate's bed, saying it'd be safer there. There were dozens of photos scattered across the bed in front of him. It looked disorganized, but Wade probably had a method to how he'd arranged them, one that he just couldn't recognize.

Ahhh he keeps this box under Nate’s bed, where it will be safer. This box full of photos, full of the only things that are important to him and irreplaceable. Because Nate can keep them safer, because he trusts Nate even more than he trusts himself. He asked Nate to literally take control of his finances when they moved in together, because he didn’t trust himself, and he insisted on keeping these under his bed. Nate could have ruined him, if he had designs to. He really could’ve.

-

Carefully, as not to disturb the photos spread across the mattress, Nate sat down next to Wade and pulled his feet up, copying Wade's posture. Wade gave him a sidelong glance and then relaxed, moving closer by a fraction, so Nate could see the photo of himself and Vanessa.

Nate shows care for Wade’s stuff. He copies Wade’s body language to show that he’s being attentive. Nate is not a good verbal communicator, this is his way of silently trying to show Wade that he cares even if he doesn’t know what the fuck to say. Wade isn’t sure what to make of Nate yet, but he’s starting to pick up on this body language, and he’s naturally more of an emotionally open person, so he lets Nate in.

-

Wade didn't have to look at Nate to know that he had that stupid look on his face. The one where his brow got that little crease and his mouth frowned too much. He didn't want Nate making that face at him. He didn't want Nate getting worry lines over him before he left. Or worse -- staying out of some misguided sense of obligation.

He didn't wanna talk about his problems. His problems weren't Nate's problems.

Wade said he’d been thinking, and Nate asks him why. Wade doesn’t say it, but this entire line of thought is what Wade’s been thinking about. Nate had just said he had an opportunity to leave. Wade still thinks that’s what Nate wants. He doesn’t want Nate to stay just because Wade had a breakdown, if staying isn’t what Nate wants. But he can’t tell Nate that, because then Nate will know, and that will also affect Nate’s decision. So instead Wade picks something else to say, that doesn’t affect Nate personally.

"Thinking about making a scrapbook," Wade said, putting the photo down carefully into a particular spot, as if he were choosing the page in his mind's eye. "My memory isn't what it used to be.”

This is a real problem Wade has to face. Objects are almost as impermanent as his memory, but they’re all he has, and he can trust those. Nate tries to show he cares again, and help by offering a suggestion - make that scrapbook and write down as much as he can remember as he goes, to strengthen the memories.

-

"God, you're smart," Wade said, his voice full of admiration and edged with excitement. "I knew I liked you for a reason."

"I don't know. I feel like an exceptional dumbass lately," Nate confessed.

"Exceptional Dumbass. Remind me of that if I ever wanna write an autobiography."

Nate tried to smile at the joke, but it was difficult. He understood Wade deflecting with humor, but now he wasn't sure what to say, and it felt like the opportunity to apologize had just escaped him.

And here, Wade’s coping mechanism accidentally shuts down an opportunity for Nate to hedge into making an apology. They’re still stepping on each other without meaning to, but there’s beginning to be an awareness of this happening.

-

In one of the photos they’re looking at, Wade and Vanessa have matching nailpolish, and the memory makes Wade excited because he remembers that was one of his interests, and then sad because he doesn’t have those items anymore and also because he remembers he probably shouldn’t be excited about something like that. 

“...Don't have any polish anymore, either. Probably for the best," he added, although he sounded sad about it. "Merc with a manicure doesn't sound as cool."

"As cool as what?"

"Merc With a Mouth," Wade said, with a silent 'duh' at the end.

But notice Nate doesn’t comment on it or shut him down. Foreshadowing? :3c 

-

Nate, in a roundabout way, says that he admires Wade, and Wade catches on to what Nate said, (mid self-deprecating ramble), it brings tears to his eyes. 

“Wait, did you just say you're a fan of me?"

"Do I not say that often enough?"

"No. Or like, ever," Wade muttered, not-so-subtly wiping at his eyes.

"I'm not great with words," Nate admitted. It was this shortcoming that had caused Wade so much recent misery. "Feels like I never know what to say. That's why I'd rather let you do the talking."

Wade fiddled with the photo in his hands. "Thought you just hated talking to me."

FINALLY, Nate is able to broach the subject and start communicating with Wade, even if it’s just being able to say ‘I’m bad at communicating’ because that’s really fucking important information for Wade to know. Wade thought that Nate hated him, but from Nate’s side, most of the time he just didn’t know what to even say and just let Wade do the talking. It made Wade feel like Nate never listened to him, ever, and so much of that could have been avoided.

-

"I just hated… how much I didn't hate [living with you]."

Wade looked lost and a little bit angry. "Yeah, I don't get that."

Nate let out a breath, full of disappointment at himself, at the words that wouldn't connect. "I'm trying," he said, a little plea for Wade's patience as he tried to gather his thoughts and put them into words.

"The first thing I admired about you was your persistence," Nate finally said. "Even if I thought you were wrong. But you weren't wrong. I was. And I liked your sense of humor. Even if you were a dumbass. But you're not a dumbass. I was the dumbass. You put on this act like you don't take anything seriously and nothing affects you. Like everything's just a game to you. And it's a shitty act. It really is. But I fell for it. I wanted to believe it. Because if you didn't care about anything, then I didn't have to, either. I didn't have to acknowledge that I was hurting you. I didn't have to treat you like a person. And I didn't. I treated you like shit."

For Nate, it would’ve been easier on him if he did hate living with Wade. Wade is able to express his displeasure, because he doesn’t understand what Nate’s saying at first, it’s hurtful, but then gives Nate a moment and space to get words out and just listen.

-

"To be fair, I am shit," Wade said.

"No, you're not," Nate said, a little too aggressively. "You're a considerate and generous person. Funny. Sensitive. Heroic, even. You deserve to be taken seriously. I was just so caught up in my own shit, I didn't stop to think that you had feelings, too. You're fucking messy, I guess, but I'm growing kind of fond of the scatterbrain--" he trailed off, realizing that Wade was in tears, despite his silence. "Did I fuck this up again?"

Once again, Wade kinda deflects the emotional moment with self-deprecating humor, emphasis on self-deprecating, but this time Nate doesn’t let him. Nate is like the embodiment of ‘I will fucking fight anyone who says you’re shit.’ ‘But I am shit.’  (Nate, rolling up his sleeves) ‘Okay, square the fuck up.’ It’s still aggressive, but channeled in a positive way and tbh Wade really needs someone like that.

-

[Wade] leaned over to grab a tissue off of Nate's nightstand. "Sorry, I know you didn't buy them for this purpose," he said, wiping his eyes and then his nose.

I’m screaming, this is a masturbation joke.

-

Nate: asks if this is the appropriate time to offer Wade a hug, because he genuinely isn’t sure.

Wade: Is it?! That’s like asking if I want to pet a polar bear.

Nate: Oh.  ((doesn’t move because he’s completely fucking lost and confused))

Wade: I always wanna pet a polar bear, Nate. But the thing with polar bears is, they'll usually maul you to death. And you're the polar bear.

Nate: Yeah. That’s fair.  ((still doesn’t move because Wade says he wants a hug but also some metaphor about how Nate is fucking mean to him and would kill him, so that’s probably a no, so he’s still confused as hell and just gonna mind his own fucking business))

He still didn't understand, Wade realized. He wanted to scream internally, but if he was gonna teach Nate good communication skills, he needed to demonstrate.

Wade:  You can hug me at any given time of any given day. You can hug me even if I'm sleeping. You don't need to ask for permission, ever. Just fuck me up.

Because... Wade is a lot more emotionally open than Nate is, and a lot more touchy-feely. 

Nate: Okay.  ((still doesn’t fuckinggggg move because Wade explained how he felt but still didn’t literally say ‘yes, hug me now.’))

"Nate. We're doing a thing here," Wade said, clenching his fists with barely contained restraint. "Hugging. I'm a slut for it. Anytime, anywhere. I wanna hug. Now. So you need to tell me your stance, where the cut-off point is before you're gonna start knifing me. Or grant me carte blanche. Go."

At this point, Wade kinda realizes, despite Nate’s initial question, that Nate is not a hugger by nature. Point being that every time he’s embraced Nate before now (without permission), he’s either been stabbed or been threatened to be stabbed. So Nate either needs to tell Wade his stance on physical contact, or Wade is going to go take his damn hug omg.

The direct approach finally made Nate catch up with the programming. "Right. Got it. Okay. You can hug me if I'm awake," he said. "And if you feel like you need a hug. And if I know it's coming. And if I say stop, you stop."

"Nice. I like boundaries. I can respect that," Wade said. He was practically vibrating with need. "Can I get that hug now?"

This is important for Nate because it will come up again in the sequel and it’s extremely important for Wade to respect his boundaries (because, SPOILERS, hello PTSD!) one of the big things is Wade continuing to help Nate express and receive affection while still respecting his boundaries and comfort zone, and trust that Wade will actually listen and not push outside of hard limits on what he’s willing to allow from Wade at any given time.

-

When Nate lifted his hands again, Wade climbed back onto the mattress and crawled to him, flopping face-first against Nate's stomach and locking his arms around Nate's waist.

Nate put his arms around Wade, rubbing his back.

"Sorry for being an asshole," Nate said.

Hullo this is so sweet.

-

"Will it help if I tell you why?" Nate questioned.

"Why what? Why you were such an asshole?"

"Yeah."

"Tell me."

"I didn't want to get attached," Nate said. "I never intended on staying for long."

Wade felt cold again, his stomach twisting at the admission. Knowing Nate's reasoning didn't help. At all. But he didn't want to discourage Nate from being honest, so he didn't say that. He just held on a little tighter, as if Nate wouldn't notice.

Nate’s doing this best to communicate, but once again, we’re getting two different interpretations happening.

What Nate said: “I didn’t want to get attached, but I did. I never intended on staying, but I’m staying.”

What Wade heard: “I still have no intention of staying with you.”

-

"Are you really gonna be an X-Man? An X-Men? Join the X-Men? Stop me, I'm not sure what the grammatical rules are here."

"I was planning on it," Nate said. "I need stability. We both do."

Wade felt his heart sink into his stomach. "Yeah. I get that."

What Nate said: I need a stable income and an actual job with structure. We both need a stable income and structure.

What Wade heard: I need stability (away from you, because you are chaotic).

-

"Okay, pretend you're happy for once!"

They both smiled for the camera as Wade started snapping pictures, but Nate noticed that Wade's smile was as insincere as his own. It was nothing like the one Vanessa managed to bring out in him. And that was fair enough. He wasn't Vanessa. He didn't expect to work any miracles. He just wanted Wade to be a little bit happier.

Nate leaned closer, locking an arm around Wade. "Smile, fucker," he said, and felt a surge of relief when Wade laughed, a genuine warmth coming back into his stupidly soulful brown eyes.

"I knew you loved me," Wade teased.

"Yeah, yeah. Take the picture," Nate said, bumping his head against Wade's and resting there for a second. Or two.

When they pulled apart, the little spark in Wade's eyes stayed there.

1. Wade wants a picture of Nate, so he can’t forget him, because he thinks he’s basically never going to see Nate again soon even if Nate promises otherwise. Ow, my fucking heart.

2. Both of them want this picture to be happy, but Wade’s happiness is obviously feigned until Nate notices and makes an effort, in his own way, to make Wade smile a little more genuinely.

3. Nate is just as touch starved as Wade, word of god.

-

The X-Mansion was quieter than it usually was every time Wade dropped by.... Negasonic was only answering his texts with middle finger emojis,

I needed to prove that Negasonic was alive because the Snappening might be happening but I refuse to bury my gays. I know like 90% of the X-Men are queer but SHHHHH. Protect the lesbians.

-

THIS ENTIRE NEXT BIT:

((Nobody answering the door))

Wade: Don't worry, I've got this. ((PICKS UP A FUCKING ROCK))

Nate: Is that the best idea?

Wade: Baby don’t worry I’mma get you into the best mutant school.

((HEAVES ROCK THROUGH THE FRONT WINDOW))

((Both of them just stare at each other while they wait for alarms to start going off, but nothing happens))

"Someone forgot to set the alarm before they left," Wade remarked.

"If you crawl through that window, you'll disembowel yourself," Nate warned him.

He wasn't wrong. There were still a lot of very nasty-looking pieces left in the frame.

"The things I do for love," Wade sighed, squaring himself up.

Nate turned the handle on the front entrance and pushed it open, staring at Wade the entire time. "Love is an open door."

"I… You… I thought you tried the door, Nate!" Wade complained, following Nate inside. "Wait, you've seen the movie Frozen?"

"It's a classic," Nate replied.

"Can we sing Love Is An Open Door together? I think that's actually a really good representation of our relationship. I mean friendship."

"No."

"Why not?! It's so us, Nate!"

"Sweet, funny Anna and the douchebag who leaves her to die?”

1. This is peak comedy.

2. Nate is on the same brainwave of banter as Wade already and I fucking love it when couples reach this level of synchronicity. 

3. Here’s some choice lyrics bc Love Is An Open Door is legit a great song for them:  “Okay, can I just, say something crazy? // I love crazy!   //////   Say goodbye // To the pain of the past // We don't have to feel it anymore! // Love is an open door!”

4. Also, Nate just called Wade sweet and funny basically.

-

Inside the Mansion, Nate and Wade split up, and Wade finds Angel in the kitchen eating a depression!sandwich.

I don’t know a lot of X-Men and I sure as hell don’t know Angel’s characterization, but I based it off of two things:

1. The Snappening is happening, so most of the people Angel knew are dead, and so if half of the population of the planet, and that’s really fucking stressful and sad and depressing!

2. That video of drunk David Hasselhoff eating a hamburger.

"Pigeon Wing?!" Wade blurted out. He didn't need an answer, because there was, in fact, only one mutant that he knew of who had the powers of a fully grown man with fully grown pigeon wings on his back.

"Not a pigeon," Pigeon Wing said, not even bothering to look surprised about Wade's sudden appearance. He had his left elbow on the counter, head resting against his hand, looking like he'd just had the worst week of his life and his roast beef sandwich was the only thing keeping him going.

"I thought you were dead," Wade said.

"God, I wish," he muttered.

"That's concerning, but also, big mood.”

I’m screaming bc Pigeon Wing is such a mood. Sometimes you just , sit in the kitchen and eat a depression meal. And he was sitting right there while Wade threw a rock in through the window and while Wade and Nate entered the house and could not give a single fuck to get up.

-

Wade tells Angel that he’s there because Nate is a very disgruntled Slytherin who needs to be sorted into the Hufflepuff house so he can be surrounded by soft and gentle souls. Do not fight me on this.

-

"You know Cable?" Pigeon Wing asked, looking both surprised and skeptical.

"Know him? He's the only man who's ever been inside of me," Wade replied.

FGKGUELEVLKDVLFDKJLDFKGFLSJL

“Hey, Nate, we're friends right? Tell him we're friends."

"Friends?" Nate repeated, lifting an eyebrow. "I'd say we're more than just friends, Wade. I've been inside of you."

I GENUINELY FORGOT NATE ADDED ONTO WADE’S JOKE AND I’M 

-

"See?! And earlier we took pictures in bed together."

EVERY SENTENCE IS PUNCHING ME IN HTE FACE.

-

((Scott and Logan arrive to see who broke in))

"Wow, isn't this neat?" Wade asked, bouncing on his toes. "We're both here and our dads are both here."

"I'm not your dad, Wade," Logan said, already past his tolerance for Wade's shit.

"Are you sure?" Wade started counting on his fingers. "I was made with your genetic material, you never spend any time with me, you don't love me, and you never call. Sounds a lot like my dad."

I swear most of the characters in comics are related to each other by marriage, blood, or sci-fi genetic experimentation. Logan is still a better dad than Wade’s sperm donor dad, and also Loki is Wade’s other dad who is still a better dad than his sperm donor dad, but if you wanna hear about that you’ll have to ask me about it, I’ll be happy to fill you in. No headcanons, just comics canon here: Wolverine’s DNA was used to try to give other people his healing factor in the Weapon X experiments, and Wade took to it like a fish in a nuclear explosion, and Loki is Loki.

-

"If I'm gonna live here, or join your team, I have a couple conditions," Nate explained.

"Yeah, he's gonna need his own bathroom, for one," Wade piped up. "Nate's a private guy. And that fancy rich-people garden better produce some vegetables, or Nate's gonna be tearin' some shit up with one of those little handheld shovels. He's also gonna need a TV in his room with full access to every cooking- and food-related channel currently known to mankind."

"Those aren't my conditions," Nate assured them.

"And a lifetime supply of lip balm," Wade added.

Wade negotiating for these stupid little things that he knows are important to Nate. M...my heart... this fucking idiot ;;;;

-

"I want Wade to have the same opportunity to join the team."

Scott shook his head. "Absolutely not."

"A room, then," Nate offered, but Scott kept shaking his head.

"Not happening."

"That's fine. Thanks for the offer. I'm not interested," Nate said, walking away.

ALL NATE WANTED TO NEGOTIATE FOR WAS FOR WADE TO BE ABLE TO STAY WITH HIM, AAAAAAAAA

AND THEY SAID NO AND HE’S LIKE

OKAY BYE UGLY

SDGDFHKGKDGKK

-

After Nate walks out, Scott basically rounds on Wade and asks him why he’s fucking up Nate’s shot at redemption, and Wade is angry because from his POV, nobody’s been there to actually help Nate navigate his emotional shit. Which is accurate. Scott is aware Nate is allegedly his son from the future, but doesn’t fully trust him.

"You and Cable left a wake of destruction when he came back to this timeline," Scott said. "And I'm not just talking property damage. There's a body count. If it weren't for the Event, you'd still be in prison. You should be in prison. I'm not even sure about Cable."

"His name's Nate. And all of that shit? It's on me. Not him," Wade said. "Do you even know what he's been through? I might be the one who's fucked up, but I didn't see anybody else trying to convince him there's still some good in this world."

"There's nothing good about you, Wade," Logan scoffed. "You're the last person Nate should be hanging around. He'll end up just like you."

"You think I don't know that?! I don't want him to end up like me!" Wade shouted. There was a silence, and Wade's shoulders slumped as his own words settled into his bones. "I don't want anyone to end up like me."

"That might be the first smart thing I've ever heard you say," Logan muttered, as heavy footsteps came back to them. Nate appeared in the doorway.

1. Scott really thinks he’s gonna help Nate somehow, by offering him a spot on the team, when he otherwise hasn’t done shit and doesn’t trust Nate or even call him by his real name. Issa bad look.

2. Wade telling them that EVERYTHING that happened (in the movie, while Nate was trying to kill a child, mind you) is his fault and not Nate’s, so they’ll blame him and not think badly of Nate bc Nate deserves a second chance and he knows those are rare to come by.

3. Scott and Logan successfully make Wade feel like he’s somehow fucked up Nate’s chance to have a better life just by associating with him. Hi, these are my salty feels @ how most heroes treat Wade in the comic book because they only see him as a fuckup or a punching bag (like Nate did in the start of this fic) and not a real person with trauma and emotions. OW. Colossus, sweetie, you’re the ONLY real bitch in this entire house, I’m-

-

"Nate," Wade said, not sure if he felt relieved or worse about Nate coming back. "You should really recons-"

"Wade, you were supposed to follow me," Nate said. "The whole 'I'm not going anywhere without you' gesture doesn't really work if you're still here."

Wade tries to make Nate reconsider but Nate doesn’t even let him try  to convince him otherwise he’s just like, HEY THE WHOLE ROMANTIC STORMING OUT THING DOESN’T WORK IF YOU DON’T FOLLOW ME???

-

1. Logan is the one who is less stubborn than Scott, re: Wade Wilson, and stops Nate and tells him he can still be on the team without living at the mansion, they really need his help.

2. Nate agrees without hesitation bc fuck your mansion.

3. Nate ignores Logan calling Wade crazy, and instead tells him point blank that they’ll only get him full time for a trial period and then after that, he’s setting his own priorities. By which, he means, prioritizing Wade.

“Let's go home, Wade."

Those four little words kinda took the breath right out of Wade's chest.

But before they left the mansion, Wade scuffed his boots as hard as he could across the floor.

THIS IS PEAK ROMANCE, KIDS

-

At home, Wade is so sad he doesn’t notice Nate brings him hot cocoa just like in his dream for him

"You could've had Colossus as a roommate," Wade mumbled into his knees.

"I don't want Colossus as a roommate," Nate said. "I'm not leaving, Wade. Not unless you want me to go."

I’m cryinggggggg.

-

"I'm not worth it, Nate. I know it. Logan knows it. Scott knows it. The people reading this at home know it."

Nate looked skeptical. "Is that you speaking, or the nasty little voice in your head?"

"No. The white box keeps saying we need to talk. And now yellow is singing that Janet Jackson song, so thanks."

"I don't hear any singing," Nate said, watching Wade carefully.

"Oh, it's there," Wade assured him. "No, my first name ain't baby. It's Wade. Miss Wilson, if you're nasty."

Nate reached out to touch Wade's head, but Wade stopped him, clinging onto his wrist.

"I don't need a reset, Nate. You can't fix crazy."

"You're not crazy, you ass," Nate said, dropping his hand. "I worry about you, Wade."

"Yeah? Well, don't."

"You don't get to decide how I feel."

1. Wade was literally just told he’s bad for Nate, which confirms his own fears and insecurities.

2. Wade’s boxes are actually inside of his head now, instead of something he’s saying out loud. Just like the narrative integrating, Wade’s fractured mind is healing, a little bit. Progress.

3. Wade saying the song out loud makes Nate doubt that the boxes aren’t back, and bad, so he wants to help but Wade stops him because Nate’s powers can’t be a crutch to fix his problems.

4. Nate finally tells Wade he’s not crazy, but rereading this I kinda wish he’d punched Logan instead when he kept saying it, idk.

5. “You don’t get to decide how I feel” is verbatim what one of my exes told me when I kept trying to push her away in the midst of my depressive episodes. I thought I was bad for her. I still, and always will, love her. It stuck with me.

-

"I've always been a mess, Nate. If you go, that's not going to make it any worse. But staying with me isn't going to fix it, either. I don't wanna be anybody's pet project. I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything just because I'm lucky enough to have more money right now. I just liked being around you. But I don't want this thing between us to be based on pity or convenience or obligation. I don't want anything at all if it's gonna be like that."

I wanted to try to drive home the point that... love (even though they aren’t calling it this right now) doesn’t cure mental illness. Wade is still going to be a mess either way, but he’ll either be a mess with Nate in his life, or without. Nate can help, he can be there while Wade tries to get better, but he can’t just fix Wade, and Wade wants to make sure Nate knows this and isn’t just following some savior complex (coughs violently @ comics!Nate)

-

Emoting was a lot like puking. Sickening, with a lot of tears involved. But the longer you held it in, the worse you felt. Sometimes you just had to let it all out and then pretend it never happened in the first place. Which was a lot harder to do with someone else witnessing it.

Mood.

-

"I haven't been the easiest person to get along with," Nate said. "And you were right. You were the one who'd been trying, this whole time. When I first got here, I wasn't in a good place. The last time I saw my wife and daughter, they were… they were…" His voice cracked. He put a hand to his face, as if it could blot out the memories that still came back to him vividly. "They were my whole world," he said instead, the words catching in his throat. "When I fall asleep, sometimes I still see it. Their bodies. Even though I know everything's fine now, that it should all be erased, I can't get it out of my head. And the only proof I have that they're safe, that any of this meant anything, is a teddy bear."

Wade unfurled himself, wishing that Nate was a hugger, because he sure looked like he could use one right now.

"You're grieving, Nate."

"I'm not--" Nate shook his head in denial. "They're alive. I'll see them again. Someday. I need to believe that."

((YELLS BECAUSE NATE FINALLY ADMITTED THE CORE ROOT OF HIS ISSUES BUT AT THE SAME TIME IS STILL IN DENIAL AAAA))

"Yeah. Someday I'll see Nessa again, too," Wade said quietly, and watched Nate crumble. He scooted a little closer, but not too close, because he knew Nate was never far from a knife and it was never wise to corner a wounded animal. "They're alive, Nate. You saved them. You did right. That doesn't cancel out the fact that you still saw that other timeline, where they died. You lived that. It's still real for you."

I noticed while I was working on my last chapter of Hello, Handsome, that this theme of ‘trauma is still trauma even if it didn’t leave scars’ pops up again. Wade, of anyone, would understand this concept. He might heal, but just because his wounds go away doesn’t mean the pain isn’t real. Just because the voices isn’t in his head aren’t ‘real’ doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect his reality. Just because Nate’s family is alive again in the new timeline doesn’t mean the old timeline and trauma Nate came from isn’t real, even if he doesn’t want to admit to himself that it is. Denying it won’t spare him the pain, it’ll only keep him from being able to fully grieve his reality.

-

Wade’s special box of photos and memorabilia isn’t the only thing kept safe under Nate’s bed - Wade digs out the bear that had belonged to Nate’s daughter and gives it to him, because Nate had put it away once everything was over.

Wade carried the stuffed bear like it was a sacred object, and handed it to Nate with the same reverence. "Mr. Teddykins is a good listener," he said.

Nate's eyes flickered up at Wade in surprise as he took the bear. Instinctively, he brought it close, breathing in the scents of home still lingering in the soft fur, and then tucked the plush under his chin, holding onto it. "How did you know his name?"

Wade sat down beside him again. "Because you told me, when we went out drinking that one time. You said Hope had it since she was three."

"Yeah. It was the first thing I ever got her," Nate said, a fond but sad look on his face.

Hope is adopted. This isn’t a throwaway detail. Nate and his wife Aliya adopted Hope when she was three and the bear is the first thing Nate gave to her when they got her. It’s important. That’s his daughter.

Fun fact: Hope is also adopted in Hello, Handsome, because it’s important to me to keep making the point that she is 100% fiercely his daughter. I’m pretty sure I’ll always have Hope continue to be brought into Nate’s and Wade’s life via adoption, unless her being Nate’s genetic offspring is somehow at all important to the plot, which it probably will never be bc I can’t imagine adopted kids being any less valid in any way and anything that’s ever told you otherwise is genetic propaganda. I said it.

-

"My little girl is gorgeous. She's got this fine red hair that's the softest thing you could ever imagine. Aliya always said it was the fire coming out of her soul. Smart as a whip. Stubborn as hell, too. I think she gets it from her mother."

Wade spluttered a laugh. "I think she gets it from you, Robocop."

Hi I love Hope and this is pro-Hope propaganda. She is the only valid child. Aside from Baby Shark. And Sleeper. Every other child is on thin ice.

-

"We could also get some more vegetables."

"We aren't living in the wild, Nate, we don't have to eat raw vegetables from the ground," Wade groused.

"You can cook them," Nate told him, and Wade made an offended noise. "I'll cook them."

This is my favorite fucking headcanon, that Wade is wildly offended by the fact that Nate wants to make him eat shit that grew in dirt, and Nate is wildly disgusted that Wade eats so much processed garbage when planet earth isn’t even fucked yet and there’s so much actually healthy naTURAL ORGANIC FRUITS AND VEGETABLES JUST BEING UNAPPRECIATED

-

"Are you really serious about all this stuff?" Wade questioned, rubbing his fingers over the warm edge of his mug. "Staying? Having actual home cooked meals?"

I’M YELLINGGGGG THOOOO. We did it, folks, we achieved domestic bliss. Nate finally stopped being an asshole towards the idea of basically accepting the fact that Wade is his new pseduo-wife. I feel like Nate would never fully admit it, but he misses that domestic shit, too. It’s written all over him, way back at the start when Wade was like, ‘Nessa is gone and there’s no rules and aaa :c’ and let things get messy and Nate was like,,, clean up your shit or I will HURT you. They both need structure. Routine. Stability. But they also need kindness. Softness. Consideration. Affection. They’ve both been robbed of the domestic lives they once had, their little escapes away from constant fighting and bloodshed. They are the only two people who really understand what the other one is going through. The outside world is cruel, and especially chaotic in their current timeline, and other people don’t get them and don’t want to because they don’t have time to. Wade and Nate are both realizing that they don’t need to keep putting up walls and playing tough and emotionless when it’s just the two of them. They can care about each other and the world isn’t going to end. They can give the other affection, and it will be appreciated.  And they are both so, so starved for affection. The sequel is focused on them working on this, especially, and it’s summed up pretty nicely at the start: 

They were just allowed to be two people. Not 'Cable', not 'Deadpool'. Just Nate and Wade and whatever the heck that meant.

-

“I’m staying.”

“Why?”

"I like you," Nate said. "I like hearing your voice, and knowing you're here. You're the only person that I feel like myself with. But so far I've been nothing but an assshole. If I leave now, that's all I'll ever be to you. That's not who I am. That's not who I want to be."

"I don't think you're an asshole," Wade said. "If you're staying then I'm happy."

"Looks like you're not getting rid of me so easily, then," Nate said. "I just want you to be happy."

-

Nate was determined to convince Wade that vegetables were worth eating by making a vegetarian meal. His one mistake was announcing his plan. Wade, of course, responded by lying down on the kitchen floor in protest.

"Get off the floor, Wade. You're getting dirty."

"Vegetables grow in dirt!"

"Fuck's sake," Nate muttered, but he was too stubborn to drag Wade off the floor and Wade was too stubborn to get up, so he just stepped over him while he made dinner.

I’m living. I’m alive and I’m thriving in the dirt like carrot.

-

"You're fucking filthy. Go wash your hands."

Wade tripped over himself getting to his feet. "Love it when you talk dirty to me."

This banter, oh my god.

Fun fact: Originally, ‘XO’ and the sequel, Untouchable, were completely unrelated ideas that just happened to be based on the exact same premise: Wade and Nate being roommates. Halfway through this fic, I was getting pretty depressed by the angst and was like, ‘OKAY, SAME PREMISE BUT THIS TIME THEY’RE BASICALLY MARRIED’ and started writing a fic based more on (imo) comics Cablepool, where they know each other better, and it can be sillier, and Nate is a little less of a clenched up butthole at all times. Partway into that fic, I realized there was very little reason why they couldn’t be the same exact fic. So I went back through what I’d written so far in ‘XO’ and added pieces of softer, sillier stuff, and more touches of flirting, in order to make it easier to transition so it wasn’t going from ‘Nate is a fucking asshole’ to ‘now Nate is soft and makes cookies uwu’.  He is the same. damn. man. and y’all are just gonna have to cope!

Nate: Yes I’m an asshole. Yes I love Wade Yes I cook him food while wearing an apron and threatening to stab him if he tries to grope me. I exist. Yes I’m going to fuck him with an inch of his life, soon.

Oh boy.

-

"You get the glue, I'll handle the glitter," Wade said, making Nate snort softly.

"That I can do."

THIS IS AN ELABORATE METAPHOR. Because.... Nate... is like the glue... keeping Wade together and grounded.... and Wade... is the sparkly glitter.... sparkling. Okay. Bad joke.

-

On the kitchen counter, he found one of his little pink sticky notes.

X-Nerds mission. Don't wait up. Left money for pizza.

And then, towards the bottom, in tiny print:

xo

OH WOW I COMPLETELY FORGOT NATE DID WRITE WADE ANOTHER NOTE AND IT WAS AN ACTUAL LOVE NOTE THIS TIME BC I SIGNED IT WITH ‘XO’ LMFAO HOW DID I FORGET I LITERALLY TITLED MY FIC ‘XO’ I LOVE MY MEMORY LOSS SOMETIMES WHAT THE FUCK 

I still need to let Nate do this like.... 1,000 more times, kthnx. ♥♥♥

And that’s it kiddos thanks for suffering with me.

[mtvswatches]

Jane the Virgin 1x19 Chapter Nineteen

Spoilers disclaimer (please read before sending messages or writing comments.)

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) Are they bringing up that cringy flower metaphor because Jane is going to have sex?

2) Look, if you go through the seven stages of grief overnight, maybe the relationship that you’re grieving didn’t mean that much, to you to begin with…

3) OH FUCK, YOU’RE SHITTING ME!!

And what do you know? I finally agree with Rafael. He’s making a lot of sense – it’s true that it’s better to call it off before the baby is even born, which would complicate things so much more AND IT’S THE EXACT REASON WHY I ALWAYS THOUGHT THEY SHOULDN’T HAVE GOT TOGETHER AT ALL. And they shouldn’t stay together just not to “give up” – not if they’re always fighting! That’s how toxic relationships begin…

4) What is Roman planning to do with Petra? Also, murderer confirmed. He did kill his brother. Harsh.

5) I really, really hope they don’t stretch out this Xiomara-lying-to-Rogelio thing.

6) Ugh this is really exasperating!

She’s holding on to this glorified idea of a fairy tale romance and she doesn’t accept the reality that’s in front of her, which is that they’re not right for each other, at least not right now. I’M SO FUCKING TIRED OF THIS PLOT ISTG

7) COUPLE’S THERAPY?!!! Seriosuly??¡asdjlasdladaldlkasda

I’m sorry but how can’t she realize that if you need couple’s therapy after dating for what?, two months?, then maybe you’re not as meant to be as you think you are. THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!

8) Okay, that whole scene where Rafael and Jane describe their relationship in a nutshell was absolutely hilarious. So much shit has happened this season, it’s insane!

9) So Roman is basically taking over Rose’s drug-dealing “business.”

10) Petra is resourceful af, I love her. Let’s just hope she doesn’t get caught when she tries to use the cell phone.

11) PLEASE, RAFAEL, PLEASE, I’M BEGGING YOU HERE, DON’T BE WILLING TO DO THE WORK TO FIX THINGS. JUST DON’T. I’M EXHAUSTED. I CAN’T HANDLE THIS ANYMORE.

12) Wait. I just had a terrifying thought. They’ve brought up the sex thing, and Jane is desperately trying to make things work with Rafael for some reason. Does this mean that she will have sex with him in a last ditch effort to “save their relationship”? I don’t know if I’ll be able to survive that shit.

13) Andie is a shady bitch and I hope she’s gone soon, k? Thx, bye.

14) This is such an iconic masterpiece…

(I tried to find a video link for this scene, but I couldn’t, and I was afraid if I kept digging I’d get spoiled about something.)

15)  OMG

16) I’d forgive him.

17) OMG!!!!!!

That’s probably the best out-of-context line ever.

18) Why doesn’t she just run away?

19) Okay, good, she eventually ran. It just would’ve made more sense to ran first and make the phone call when she was away from him.

20) Oh, cool, she impaled Roman again.

21) They’re reading out these lists they wrote weeks ago, but I remember Rafael cheated because he showed his to Jane since she was freaking out about them not knowing each other well enough. UGHHHH AND NOW THEY’RE BACK TOGETHER???!!!! IS THIS MY PERSONAL VERSION OF HELL?!!! IT’S STARTING TO FEEL LIKE IT!

22) Uh-oh…

I think we’ll see how Rogelio and Xiomara deal with the exact same situation…

23) They’re going to have sex, aren’t they?

UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

24) Bless your kind soul, Nick, you’re literally godsend!

25) Bless Xiomara for being the voice of reason.

26) What, Michael, what did you see?!!!

27) Holy shit, Nadine was working for Sin Rostro the whole time!

At least he gave her some time to get the hell away before they get her arrested.

28) My sweet Rogelio, he felt so guilty - even though he didn’t do anything wrong - and he confessed! And of course, Xiomara is taking advantage of his good-nature to get away with what she did…

29) It kind of breaks my heart that Petra reached out to Rafael first. Poor lonely girl, she has no one to turn to.

30) Like, I’m glad they’re broken up, but what he said sounded totally made up? And purposefully hurtful?

RAFAEL: Look, last night got me thinking, too. And I realized that something has changed.

JANE: What?

RAFAEL: I just don't love you the way that you love me. That's the problem. That's why this won't work.

JANE: I don't believe you.

RAFAEL: Look, I know that this hurts to hear

JANE: Why are you saying this?  

RAFAEL: Because I thought that I did. But I guess I just got caught up in the idea of us being a family. Of you being the mother of my child. And I was just projecting so much onto that. But I am seeing things clearly now. I think that we should end it. Focus on how we can both be good parents

31) Cool, the narrator will explain why this sounded so OOC. I’m sure someone pressured Rafael for some reason…

32) Okay, so no one forced him to do it, he truly believes being apart is the best thing for them and their child, and I have to agree with him. I just hope we’re over with this back and forth for a while. I’m beyond tired of it.

33) Did she really choose this moment to tell him? Did she forget what Jane said about his pride? Why would she humiliate him further by telling him about it in front of an audience while they’re doing a photoshoot?

He has every right to be angry, though. But I hope they can make up, they’re the most functional couple in this show, tbh.

34) And this has nothing to do with the fact that Michael just learned that Jane and Rafael broke up…

35) ALBA RECOGNIZED HER!!!

36) Even though I might just a tad tired of the whole Rafael/Jane thing - just a tad, mind you - I really can’t wait to see what the final episodes of this season have in store. I hae a feeling the season will end with a bang. Although I hope not literally. 

37)  Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

[lyricanalysis]

definitely not about heroin

this is another song that i think dallon wrote. there are a few parts that ryan did write in this (which is why he’s credited) but i don’t honestly believe ryan wrote all of this which i’ll point out in a later one. so first off, part of the reason that i say this, is they (all 3) have very different writing styles. now someones gonna hit me up on this and argue with me because the way i’m going to explain this makes ryan and dallon’s styles seem similar but they honestly aren’t.

ryan really likes using fancy words in place of simple things. he really likes burlesque, things that fall into that category. he likes things almost that you’d find in like a 20’s era. but structurally, his lyrics aren’t complex. (Ex: camisado where he can’t even create a second verse, but its better where the lyrics are very plain in what they’re talking about). he uses big words but once those are translated, they’re very obviously about (ITALICIZE) something. dallon though, is quite different. his structure is a little fancier in a way. i’ve said it before but he’s really pretentious. he really likes big words that make no sense. like i’m looking at some of his brobecks lyrics and some of them like, i have no idea what it’s intending to mean. but ya know, a different struggle. SO that’s just my explanation for why i believe certain parts are ryan and why some (most) are dallon.

so going through this, just expect it to be dallon writing unless i say otherwise, thank you. so we don’t confuse what i’m talking about.

[English translation:

From the first day

Your perfume intoxicates me, my love

It is in these moments

I want to be like you at times

But since that day

I have a single regret.]

wow. so i talked about this a little in ballad of mona lisa. this song FUCKing talks about mona lisa again which is not a god damn coincidence. but what i did want to bring up in this part is that its children. like what is the point of this? it’s extra, unnecessary to the song, honestly. there is no reason for this except that they wanted it there, so why. now what i need to point out is that it’s children who are singing. i talked about in ballad that the child mona lisa is a reference to the innocence that ryan pretends to hide behind. also, something could be said for what happens right before they start singing. the conductor is up there saying ‘I’m up here for a reason, watch me’ or something along those lines. for anyone who’s been in band or orchestra (maybe choir, i have no clue) but that’s a common thing. i don’t even know how to explain this cause it’s so normal to me but i heard it every damn day. its mostly when the students or players, whatever, are rushing. you get reminded constantly ‘hey I’m not standing up here just to flap my arms like a bird’ which is funny but ya know. the conductor brings the whole group together.

now, about the translation. i first just want to point out that it’s in french originally and, for those of you who don’t know, dallon has a huge fascination with france. it comes up a lot in his solo stuff. anyway, the actual words. so this will get talked about a lot more later in this song but basically, this talks about a rebound, almost. that at the beginning of dallon and brendon getting together, brendon was using dallon as a rebound. now i’ll talk about how that didn’t happen but still. he talks about how from the first moment of seeing him he was just like ‘holy shit, he’s hot’ probably something like ‘lets bang’ too. and then the line after that is something i’ll talk about in other songs as well. probably a little later because in the last analysis, we saw brendon finally starting to accept talking about feelings but he wasn’t quite sharing his whole story yet. so anyway dallon is, not necessarily secretive, but he doesn’t talk a lot about his issues. he’s kinda like ‘live and forget’ sorta. so brendon probably gets this idea that dallon is perfect. that he’s happy and put together, hasn’t ever fucked up in life and brendon sees that and he wants to be like dallon so badly.

he realizes that when he decided he wanted to be dallon who was put together and doing well, that he regretted having gotten involved with ryan. because by being involved with ryan, that meant that he was no longer put together. he had his life somewhat okay before things went south. now look at him.

My wing tips waltz across naive

Wood floors they creak

Innocently down the stairs

so for those of you who don’t know, wing tips are actually a type of shoe. kinda fancy, dress up type of mens shoe. (so disappointed it wasn’t actually a wing). but anyway, waltz is a dance and we’re using that as a metaphor here for sex. i’ve already said that they had a very sexual relationship. it was only sexual for ryan, brendon was the one who had feelings. anyway, naive, we’re going with that. my sister is kinda the interview expert so i can’t quote it word for word but she told me about an interview where brendon outright said that when they started panic, they were all naive and young. with naivety also comes innocence. i know that brendon isn’t the poster child for being innocent but i think when it came to ryan, he very much was. i’m not saying blushing virgin but i don’t think he came onto ryan the way he did when it was just a one night stand (or whatever he did in his high school days). i think that he danced around it at first, partly because they were in a band together and didn’t want to fuck it up. i also think that, yes this is a little contradictory to what i’ve said before, but i think that brendon might have had a crush on ryan from the start. I’LL EVEN SAY IT, it’s probably painfully obvious that i am 100% not a ryan stan but he was cute as shit in early panic days. he had a cute lil baby face and he was just adorable but ya know. i’m gonna go with brendon thought that too.

so back to the analysis, why creaking? you know how in your house, the floors creak when you walk on them? sucks ass when you’re trying to sneak out, right? it’s like a fucking alarm for your parents. and i think it was here, too. the floors creak under brendon and ryan as they dance (sex metaphor, remember) and the creaking is the rest of the band mates warning them not to get involved. its spencer and brent saying hey, that’s not a good idea and could lead to bad feelings. but just as i do when the floors creak, i stopped paying attention, i didn’t care. i found ways to walk around them so i wouldn’t get caught and that is the very same thing that brendon did. brendon was innocent when he first got with ryan. he was probably careful in how he worded things, not wanting to mess things up, not wanting it to be just a one night stand. he was innocent. another thing, brendon has kind of hinted that in high school he had a lot of sex. but one thing he doesn’t mention is falling in love. another reason why i am going with innocent. this is new for him, to fall in love because dallon is writing this as the beginning when brendon first met ryan. innoccent and probably a little scared of what it meant. also, things going down in literature and song writing is symbolic for bad. nothing good happens when you go down stairs or down anything (dropping things, basements, hell). going innocently down the stairs would be hinting at a loss of innocence and entering a bad situation. now, since dallon is writing this, i’m going with it was still early in the writing phase, before brendon had the words to say fuck you ryan himself. i think that dallon really tried to be brendon’s savior because brendon saved him from depression and a failed career in something dallon is passionate about. dallon probably felt like he owed brendon but i think it’s more than just owing him. these songs feel a little personal. i feel like dallon knew the things that went down (cape town ???) and felt angered (??? possibly since he’s been in some really awful and dare i say manipulative? relationships. see: brobecks).

Drag melody

My percussive feet serve cobweb headaches as a

Matching set of marching clocks

The slumbering apparitions

That they've come to wake up

first of all, what the fuck. like, what the fuck does this even mean. god damn. second of all, explain. so this one was a tricky one. now, drag melody is another musical term. its not something that you’d necessarily see written on paper and it’s more of a jazzical thing tbh. (yes i know jazzical is not a word but it sounds cool). if you don’t hear it in the song, it’s just like, you lengthen the notes. so you would go a little bit out of time which is something that would happen to ryan and brendon. more so brendon. he dragged the melody (their relationship) in his head. he wanted to believe that things were fine so he stretched it out longer but ryan never reciprocated so it was, as i’ve said, one sided. now, again, tons of musical references. percussive is something that relates to percussion aka drums. now this is comparing brendon’s feet to a drum beat. which goes back into the dancing aspect of the last chunk. they’re still dancing to the rhythm (and having sex). now, a cobweb headache is a headache that is so painful, you start to see (well not see) cobweb sort of shapes blocking your vision. so taking that whole line, how would brendon’s dance serve cobweb headaches? well, kid, i’ll tell you. brendon, as i’ve said, is using sex as a way to try and keep ryan around. he thinks that by giving ryan what he wants out of brendon, then ryan will in turn love him back. it doesn’t work that way but that’s what brendon thinks. so brendon, in that second line, is letting sex cloud his vision and his judgement. he can’t see all of ryan because of the cobwebs blocking his vision. he can’t see that ryan doesn’t really care about him in the same way.

then moving on, this line is just kind of a repeat. matching set of marching clocks is meant to be a metronome. their feet are whats keeping time so in a sense, they’re human metronomes. the sex metaphor of dancing.

now, i’ll come back to this later in the song but spencer (and the rest of the band) is the slumbering apparition. now, ghosts are apparitions right? i’ll bring it up again but this how it starts. brendon and ryan started this relationship of sex and the rest of the band i starting to ‘wake up’ which will get explained in a little bit.

Here I am composing a burlesque

Out of where they rest their necks

Sunken in their splintered cradles

And ramshackle heads

They asked for it

As a girl

so, like i said, this is ryan’s lil chunk. so burlesque has two different meanings. “1. an abusrd or comically exaggerated imitation of something and 2. a variety show, typically including a striptease” but for this, i feel like 2 works better. so moving on, ryan is composing a striptease (for brendon because their relationship was sexsexsex). out of where they rest their necks would be their bed, wherever this song is taking place. so this is where i found it actually get really interesting (ryan? this is shocking). (i’m also not saying anything but dallon could have spiced this up himself but, not saying anything *side eye emoji*). mattresses, after a lot of wear and tear, are sunken in. usually around the butt/waist area because thats the heaviest part of you and ya know, things. then the rest of this is talking about splintered cradles which, if the sunken part is in reference to a mattress then it would only make sense for a mattress cradle to be a bedframe. which makes sense because i said resting your neck was in bed (where else could you ???).  he goes on to say and ramshackle heads and i had to pull out google again and here’s what it means: in a state of severe disrepair. so in reference to ramshackle heads, i think to an extent, ryan knew what he was doing to brendon. i don’t think it was this big secret that brendon had a thing for ryan after a little while of them having their thing. so i’m going with the fact that ryan knew that it was messing him up, and that he was taking the ‘i’m messed up too’ stance to try and explain his actions but ??? ya know.

*trigger warning for mentions of rape* so then, i’m doing these last two lines and they are really kind of uncomfortable. i’ve been trying to think of how to break this down and avoid my sisters idea but, honestly, i can’t. the way this is worded sounds too much like ‘she was asking for it’. “they asked for it as a girl” like why? literally why? i don’t know how else to think about this besides rape. but this is all in a context of beds and sex and messed up heads which is also really uncomfortable. if this song is in relation to brendon (which it is) then ryan is basically saying that brendon asked for it. i think that the person to originally propose even a friends with benefits scenario would have been brendon. i think that ryan is comparing him to a girl, saying he asked for this treatment, the loveless sort and using that as well as an excuse. which, in my mind, is really kind of fucked up. i dunno, these two lines really just rub me the wrong way and i want to believe there’s a different way to look at this but.. alas. (i also want to point out that it’s sung instead where ‘as a girl’ tags onto the prechorus which is plausible. i’d also like to point out that in the digital book it’s written as ’ramshackle heads. they asked for it. as a girl,..’ which makes no sense. also on the lyric page it as ‘as a girl’ lumped in with the lines about the bed and i understand it’s not entirely reliable but still. ALSO want to point out if you listen to the song, the beat sounds weird. like it goes they asked for it AHAHAHAHA as a girl, and then moves into he pre chorus. now everyone writes the as a girl as part of the pre chorus so it would be “as a girl, you have set your heart…” but to be honest, listen to it. they have different beats. as a girl has the same tempo as ‘they asked for it’ and then it changes for ‘you have set your heart…’ which leads me to believe it was “they asked for it as a girl”

also, just throwing this out there, i don’t know if i’m gonna do an alternate analysis for the demo of this song, if you really want then shoot me an ask but i do want to point this out real fucking quick. in the demo the lyric was originally “they asked for it as a boy” so… if that’s not evidence that it was brendon asking for it then idk what is.

How does a heart love, if no one has noticed its presence

And where does it go?

Trembling hands play my heart like a drum

But the beat's gotten lost in the show

skipping the chorus and going back to dallon. this is another giant fuck you to ryan. we’ll see in let’s kill tonight later where dallon called him cold hearted. he’s doing it again but instead, he’s saying that ryan is heartless. he’s asking how can ryan love if he has no heart. nobody has noticed his heart’s presence, and i can bet that brendon has been looking in every nook and cranny for a sign. then dallon asks where did his heart go. it’s honestly, savage. then these last two lines are about brendon and it’s honestly, in dallon’s twisted, pretentious sense, it’s cute. so this is coming after ryan and because of the things that happened to brendon, getting his heart broken, he’s most likely scared to fall in love again. it’s probably terrifying. so getting involved with dallon is not ideal for him but i think it’s kind of unavoidable for them. they both came from a bad relationship and they want something good but they’re not quite sure what good is, who it is. they found something helpful in the other so this is kind of experimental. this line makes me think of first times together. dallon is saying that brendon’s shaking hands (i totally got the image of shaking hands unbuttoning a shirt) played his heart like a drum. now that saying is usually used in the context of something good. i have never heard somebody say “they played my heart like a drum” in reference to heart break but more commonly, falling in love. so that’s what dallon is saying. he fell in love the first time they slept together (first realized or just exaggerating a little for song writing purpose). then there’s a couple ways to look at this last line and i’ll mention both but the one more fitting is gonna go first. so when he says that his heart has gotten lost in the show, i’m thinking that it means that his heart is only really beating when he’s at the show, when he’s with brendon.

there’s also something my sister mentioned. so this is kind of just a food for thought sort of thing because i don’t feel like it really fits with the entire song but i’m gonna share it anyway. so linden was talking about how the beats gotten lost in the show could be another reference to heartless. in reference to any of them, i guess. ryan it seems like only showed “feelings” towards brendon when they were on stage because of the stage gay. the fans loved it. so the beat got lost in the show, his heart is lost there.

You have set your heart

On haunting me forever

From the start

It's never silent

as promised, i am talking about the ghosts again! so we’ve already mentioned that spencer and the rest of the band is the ghosts. now we’re getting into WHY they’re the ghosts. so i’m saying that brendon and ryan started at the beginning of the band. that’s how this worked. and well, the rest of the band when they were ‘woken up’ could see how far south this could go. so spencer was the ghost that haunted brendon’s thoughts, telling him not to do it, you’ll only hurt yourself. he’s been haunting brendon from the very beginning and he plans on not stopping because (as we all know) if/when they break up, it’ll ruin the band, ya know? it did, brendon was just able to continue on without ryan because he wasn’t gonna lose his dream. but, back then, how were they supposed to know? spencer had no idea that panic would continue when they broke up, when brendon realized ryan would never love him. but to brendon, it’s never silent. when spencer isn’t actively telling him to stop while he still can, it’s in his thoughts. over and over, being reminded of it all. but this isn’t just about brendon and ryan. because remember how it started? well, spencer sees it happening again with dallon. brendon is repeating his habits of getting involved with a  bandmate and this time, spencer knows how it’ll end. he knows it’ll end with a broken heart and a broken band and he doesn’t think it’ll make it through another disaster again. so again, spencer is pestering brendon, telling him not to get involved (which he doesn’t listen cause dallon is fucking hot lbr)

Ever since we met

I only shoot up with your perfume

It's the only thing

That makes me feel as good as you do

Ever since we met

I've got just one regret to live through

(And that one regret is you)

(And I regret never letting you know!)

so here we are, the chorus. now this is solely about dallon, okay? mostly. anyway, this is brendon saying that he’s addicted to dallon. ever since they met, dallon has made him feel whole. he doesn’t feel as much like a mess since they’ve met. he’s saying that dallon is good for him and when dallon can’t be there, his perfume will be good enough for him. then, brendon says it again. ever since we met, i have just one regret. but that regret sure isn’t dallon. the first two choruses, he says that his one regret is ‘you’ which, at the end of the song, it’ll say ‘mona lisa, pleased to please ya (and that one regret is you)’. we’ve already said that mona lisa is a representation for ryan and their failed relationship. at the end of the song, it’s confirmed that ‘you’ is mona lisa. which means that ‘you’ is also ryan ross. he regrets getting involved with ryan. and then the last chorus, he says his one regret is never letting ryan know. know what though? i think it’s meant to be that he wishes he had let ryan know how much he was hurting and how bad it was.

Mona Lisa, pleased to please ya

(and that one regret is you)

Mona Lisa, pleased to please ya

(and that one regret is you)

Mona Lisa, pleased to please ya

(I've got just one)

so, like i said in my analysis of ballad of mona lisa, this fucking lyric came up again. here it is. now, it’s not random that this showed up again. there’s a reason that it’s in not one but two songs. and like i said that the beginning, this song is mainly written by dallon as a fuck you to ryan. so this is dallon basically making fun of him. he’s taking brendon’s words and throwing it in ryans face. it’s kind of like he’s telling ryan that he knows what he did? like the book ‘i know what you did last summer’ scare tactic. i don’t know how to accurately explain this. but either way. he’s going back to what ryan and brendon’s relationship used to be, pointing out that he knows how ryan was using brendon for sex and then throwing in the new lyrics about how brendon said ryan is his regret. just some food for thought.

[outofthewoods]

REPUTATION - ALBUM REVIEW

alright girlies here it is my first impressions (whatever I wrote down after the SS plus a few notes I made when it dropped) I AM LITERALLY....QUITE LITERALLY SHAKING....MY WIG: IS ON MARS 

READY FOR IT: At first I was kind of like…. :/ about this song but it’s actually a really good opener and a banger. Not sure I would’ve picked it as the second single but it goes all the way off. The bass has me shook Line: “he can be jailor burton to this taylor”

END GAME Very…..the weeknd vibes right ladies ?????????? this is like…..taylor’s Instagram baddie moment It is still SO WEIRD To me to hear rapping and Taylor swift in one song. Even tho we have the bad blood remix Im still….shook by Future and Taylor together ??????????? I really like this, it’s not one of my top 5 I don’t think but it’s so different from what I would've thought of for another ed/taylor collab Ed is giving me some don’t vibes..i’m into it…ed talking about the fourth of July is really iconic. Taylor telling the story of how this came about was really iconic too…I can literally picture her and ed getting drunk and being like HOWWWW COOL WOULD IT BE TO COLLAB WITH FUTURE????? LOL and then it actually happening I love her like. talk/shout/singing when she says “big reputation…” Line: “I swear I don’t love the drama, it loves me” Her runs in the last chorus THANK GOD…..I NEEDED THESE VOCALS…..

I DID SOMETHING BAD THIS SONG HAD ME FUCKING QUAKING IN THE SESSION…… “If a man talks shit then I owe him nothing” THE CHORUS BANGS…..IM LITERALLY……MOUTH OPEN SHOCKED I CANT BELIEVE THIS….THE M.I.A. PAPER PLANES MACHINE GUN SOUNDS…. This is so……blank space but……..fucking darker you SINNERS “If he drops my name I owe him nothing, if he spends my change then he had it coming…” The chorus is here again Im bopping so fucking HARD WOWWWWWWWWWWWWW I’M……….CRYING AT THE VOCALIZATIONS OF THE HOOK. I’m pretty sure she said this came to her the same way she came up with “STAY!” in AYHTDWS The bridge ladies LIGHT ME UP!!! GO AHEAD AND LIGHT ME UP YOU FUCKING HEATHENS!!!! THIS SONG MAKES THE WHOLE ALBUM WORTHY OF A GRAMMY Im literally shaking like my skin is quivering….that 2000’s fade out……Please kill me

DON’T BLAME ME This is the hozier…take me to church….taylor swift version The chords are her vocals and that. Is revolutionary, Einstein found dead in Miami Line: “I would fall from grace just to touch your face, if you walk away I’d beg you on my knees to stay” The like…..wopping of the chorus is really just…..gold Her falsetto at the end of the second verse. Wig on mars This is the stoner Taylor swift song we didn't know we needed but are so thankful we have VOCALS IN THE LAST CHORUS….I NEEDED SOME RUNS AND THE PRERELEASES DIDNT GIVE THEM TO ME BECAUSE SHE WAS SAVING HER DESTRUCTION OF EVERY OTHER PERSONS VOCALS FOR THE ALBUM

DELICATE This is very Imogen heap to me…… like the layered robotic vocals. It’s very interesting…..a really good segue from DBM It’s got like a deep house….tropical feel to it that I am really enjoying girlies “my reputation’s never been worse, so he must like me for me” why does that line have me crying Taylor swift you are literally sunshine THIS IS THE CHORUS I REMEMBERED….the is it cool is it chill etc…….that’s what I thought CIWYW was after the SS for some reason ???? “do the girls back home touch you do like I do?” SECOND VERSE LYRICS Got me feeling some wildest dreams type of way she looked at me so much during this song I’m emotional, I was bopping to the chorus and she was laughing at me and winking when the beat comes in during the chorus Not a standout from the album but very cool very different good vibes man

LWYMMD Obviously a bop. I see why it’s in the middle of the album and when Taylor explained the progression of the songs this really makes a lot of sense. I’m just feeling fragile bc Taylor swift grabbed me by my cheeks, pulled me towards her, grabbed my hands, and danced with me during this song. Wow BABY I GOT MINE BUT YOU’LL ALL GET YOURS!!! We literally screamed this in each other’s faces it was so……amazing I will NEVER FORGET The video…..do we even need to remind ourselves of how fucking iconic it was When I first heard this I was so confused I had just woken up in Ireland at 6am to listen and I was like . What is this But the chorus goes all the way off tbh This is like a parallel to shake it off….the themes and messages of……being yourself and rising above what other ppl think of you…..

SO IT GOES… Ok I literally blanked this song from my memory at the session, I think bc it was right after LWYMMD and me and Taylor having our first proper moment of the night “Back against the wall….tripping when you’re gone…” This album is so bass heavy. I’m loving the studio instruments, I thought I would miss the live guitars etc but I really don’t because it doesn’t fit with the album “I’m so chill but you make me jealous” Sis we have learned from 10 years of music from you that you aren't chill al;ksdfnjksdhifbknsdfdkjf I love you mom I love the way she says so it goes! In the chorus “You know I’m not a bad girl….but I do bad things with you…” WHOMST “SCRATCHES DOWN YOUR BACK NOW…. Taylor you've done several numbers on me I stopped counting 8 years ago the whispered 1..2….3……WOW VOCALS….AGAIN……….SCRATCHES DOWN YOUR BACK NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHES REALLY WILDIN OUT HUH

GORGEOUS This is such a cute song. For me it seems like one of the ones I like less, but at the session I remember being so happy listening to it because she pointed me out and called me by name when she was passing out the new merchandise….so I was chillin Also she kept winking at me during the DINGS!

GETAWAY CAR Queen of whisper singing I wanted to leave him….I needed a reason SUDDENLY I WILL ONLY EVER DRINK OLD FASHIONEDS. IVE NEVER HEARD OF ANY OTHER DRINK Okay in my mind I was like this song is :/ but it bangs to be honest! I love the chorus Should've known Id be the first to leave….this song is full of tea ladies This song to me seems like it’s about a rebound relationship that wasn’t so serious/was just a way to release pent up emotions from something awful “X marks the spot….where we fell apart…..” the pre chorus is really out here doing that sweeties The bridge has an interesting modulation that i don't know how to feel about….this whole album is like full of surprises/polarizing musical techniques so this is cool This is Taylor Swift fleshing out a metaphor/concept masterpiece to her full ability. Queen of literature who is Shakespeare I’ve never heard of him Said goodbye….in a getaway car……. The ends of the songs are so interesting on rep…….this one goes off

KING OF MY HEART “I’m better off being alone…” Miss Taylor I’m so glad that you’ve stopped thinking this because you are really….the most WORTHY person of love in the whole wide world… This is probably my least favorite song on the album. It has some remnants of getaway car in it I feel……she’s cute but getaway car is sexy and sexy destroys cute It’s a little repetitive but I appreciate it’s placement on the album………..you move to me like a Motown beat…..alright Miss king of my heart redeeming herself My broken bones are mending……….taylor I love u………why are u drinking beer when u could be having an old fashioned tho…..beer is gross

DANCING WITH OUR HANDS TIED Thank you piano I love a live instrument The story behind this song is so heartbreaking and knowing that makes….the song so much more impactful to me “You had turned my bed into a secret oasis, people started talking putting us through our paces” here’s a big fat FUCK YOU to the daily mail Again the chorus comes in and is so….huge and sprawling compared to the rest of the song…..shaking us to our very cores! I love that you can hear the frantic/anxiety she was feeling throughout the song….like the rushed vocals and drawn out lower notes…..then the chorus just coming in with GLORY I LOVE the instrumental of the chorus so much…..it’s so beautiful and a little 1989 to me. Like very eighties synth heavy We also have some VOCALS! In the bridge and last chorus! the runs are giving me life

DRESS This song is like a …… I’m kind of drunk in the meatpacking district running from bar to bar with someone I love in the cold with big coats on….tea to me The falsetto. Queen Taylor has really been expanding her vocal register and I’m FUCKING here for it “Everybody thinks they know us” circling back to the overall theme of the album. We know what she chooses to let us know and beyond that we’re just fucking guessing sinners This song is like a …… I don't really care what they think of us I just wanna really…………see your dick and I don't care what anyone thinks of that ! THE HAIR BLEACHED LINE……SHE IS LITERALLY THE QUEEN OF SELF DRAGS I CANT SHES SO SELF AWARE ITS UNBELIEVABLE…….she’s like being humorous but also referencing a time in her life that was really shitty for her so. Queen of duplicity “I woke up just in time…” this line says so much about where she was when she started seeing Joe

THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS Oh girlies…..I have been so excited to hear this again since the session. She spilled some major fucking SCALDING tea before playing this so my ass was fully ready to be sloughed The alarms in the beginning…..a champagne sea…..my dream…… This is so fucking tongue in cheek about what everyone said about her #squad “I have to take them away” DEAD this is why she stopped having 4th of July parties klsadjidfnksdfd “Stabbed me in the back while shaking my hand….” Oh no…………WHO WOULD DO THIS TO MISS TAYLOR!!!!!!! “I took an axe to a mended fence….” The mhhhhhmmmmmm………. IF ONLY YOU WERENT SO SHADY SALKJFSDNKFJGM,DFLKNJGIDK WHY IS THIS SONG ABOUT ME SITTING ON TWITTER DRAGGING PEOPLE LEFT RIGHT AND CENTER Hard knock life………..TEA……during the fucking BANGER of a chorus….this is going to be so fun on tour…..SHE BETTER BE A SINGLE!!!!! hE sAiD shE saID!!!!! Here’s to mama…….yes miss Andrea here’s to u queen of the world THE BRIDGE…..SDFLSDMFJKNDNDSLJFKNFDJDSFNSD THIS IS WHY WE CANT HAVE!!!!! NICE!!!!! THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cant even SAY IT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE Heres to my REAL FRIENDS! WOW….just wow ladies this is the future liberals want

CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT In my personal onion this is the most vulnerable song on the album. The first verse really has me out here crying in the club The chorus is so cute, this is a low-key banger and I wanna see her flying across the crowd during this song on tour

NEW YEARS DAY So here it is girlies….the most hyped song on the record…… Live piano. Minimal production. The concept behind this is so adorable “Candlewax and polaroids on the hard wood floor….” the most Taylor swift thing I have ever heard This relationship really seems like its forever my dudes she’s in it for the long run. She has never been so confident in a relationship that she’s CURRENTLY IN. She’s opening up DURING a relationship which is like……basically unheard of for her I love how subtle this is….the harmonies on the second chorus….crying in the club again “Hold on to the memories they will hold onto you…..” she said she's had that line ready to go for a while but couldn't find a place for it and here it is being adorable and wonderful also the line “Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I can recognize anywhere” Can I just speak on that line again….it is so beautiful and simple and shows how much she’s been through and the pain she has dealt with….and the sadness she KNOWS………..but she’s okay enough to talk about it. Im crying in the club 3.0

INITIAL RANKING: I Did Something Bad Don’t Blame Me Call It What You Want Dress Delicate Dancing With Our Hands Tied This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things Look What You Made Me Do Getaway Car …Ready For It? End Game New Year’s Day Gorgeous So It Goes King of my Heart

[theanatomyletter]

here is a perfectly sane response to the climate emergency

Right so like 3 days ago once everyone found out a couple weeks too late that the literal amazon rainforest is on fire I went into a sort of anxiety/depressive spiral and it was terrifying!!! I was scared and shocked out of doing anything and kept thinking of all the bad things that are happening and how we are all going 2 die and kept thinking of how to make more ppl understand that climate destruction is part of the same racist project as white imperialism and I’m !!! Stressed !! And I was scared and freaked out!!! I remember as a kid one of my favourite things ever was the book Journey To The River Sea by Eva Ibbotson and I s2g that book made me a person it taught me so many things about what it means to love a place and to be alive in the world and how to sustain a sense of self and community in meaningful connection with that it means to be alive and here and breathing and it’s a book about the rainforest and the river and so I’ve just been,, thinking of it a lot, little blue butterfly from the cover floating thru my brain and all that. It’s hard!!! I thought I was afraid of not saving/earning enough money to do a masters next year but I was actually afraid of the consequences of the climate emergency. Pay more attention to your emotions and honour them for what they are and figure out what is at stake for you, what does it make you feel that the world is in crisis. I think that’s important

Depressing chat aside after I panicked and felt radicalised (what does that even mean?) I found this twitter thread which was basically like these are all the terrible things that can happen and here is how we stop them and at first I felt SO SCARED because there’s NO WAY we can actually organise mass strikes at this scale!!!! We have never had to organise at this scale before, I panicked and got really scared and went on a rant about how we have to use existing structures to fix things because we don’t have the time or resources to organise at this scale but like. I now think we actually do, I found this resource for organising strikes globally from 20TH TO 27TH SEPTEMBER and like, we have the Internet and we have a month to plan and prepare and if you are able to strike you absolutely should !!!!!! There are people smarter than me speaking to the urgency of this, I’m just having some feelings and writing this on my phone notes, but like. Read about strikes in your area. If there aren’t any, find resources to help organise one. Text your friends your colleagues your family whatsapp group the people you went to school with, spread the word and organise how you will sustain your community in that time

As a side note after I went on panic rants all over my social media I think I realised that terrifying people into frenzied action won’t work because it’ll often just scare them into inaction (that’s what it did to me) and I felt better only once I found that resource for actual organisation, the mass general strike felt like an impossible project until I found out it’s already being planned. So like, don’t be helplessly scared, we have multiple years to fix things, and I think this is important: REMEMBER TO BE ALIVE AND HERE AND BREATHING, it’s important to actually feel the absolute miracle that is consciousness otherwise all of the saving the world will have been for nothing. Take photos of your friends and give hugs to your pets and get drunk and go dancing and remember that what matters is that feeling of being so achingly alive and aware of your existence in the world when you look at the sky and feel dizzy with how small you are and how yet the whole universe is inside of your brain, remember to breathe and feel glorious and loud and bright and reckless.

On that note, I was having a hard time giving a shit about much but I copped on a bit after I talked to my friend Naoise Dolan (buy her book it is out soon !!!) I felt like calmer and more like I was allowed to enjoy things and write things (that’s why I finally pulled it together enough to do this) and so I LISTENED TO THE NEW TAYLOR SWIFT ALBUM ON REPEAT and I’ve decided I love it, here is my ranking of all its songs from worst to best, I have so many thoughts, the lyrics are golden, I’m so happy to be alive in the world at a time we can make things better and listen to music like this that’s tailor made (sorry) for us to forget about any guilt we may feel from bopping to boardroom produced songs about corporate feminism

18. Miss Americana and whoever the fuck

Idk what this obsession is with high school motifs (shout out Mike Dolan for pointing this out) like it’s just weird for a 29 yr old to use school as a metaphor for her love life. The “you win stupid prizes” bit sounds nice though. It’s like a low-key creepy obsessive song like why is she doing that funny voice? Is it meant to sound vaguely haunted? What’s going on

I’m also just tired of “America” (the white kind) as a cultural construct and it being used as an expression of identity in popular culture like we get it you built a nationalism out of “gas stations” and “hallways” and “whatever” but you’re still racist, Stop. Like it’s just an inherently violent construct and nobody white is reckoning with it responsibly so at least maybe stop romanticising it or just shut up. Heck yea I’m reading too much into this. I do what I want

17. You Need to Calm Down

This song is bad. It’s so bad. The lyrics are pointless, the ohoHHHH is annoying, her voice is irritating, it’s also just gross and patronising and tries to do twelve things at once (are we leading a parade to pat ourselves on the back for telling homophobes to “take several seats” or are we saying we “all have crowns” wtv that means?)

This song is actually just gross and it doesnt even SOUND GOOD

16. ME

It’s less problematic than you need to calm down and that’s the only reason it’s slightly less bad. It’s a garbage song idk why it exists i’m so mad at it

15. Paper rings

IM SORRY tHe mOoN is HIGH like your friends were the night that we first met I’m sorry WHAT miss swift we get it you have been near drugs, Jesus CHRIST this song is a juvenile childish self important mess. The lyrics r awful and her voice is sneaky and weird and she does weird noises and the chorus is dumb like the “uhuh that’s right” makes me want to give CHITTAR. Also she says darling WAY too much in this album like we get it you’re dating a Brit. It’s not The Worst song because if you pay zero attention to the lyrics or her voice it’s kind of fine sounding? It’s so bad tho lol, I remember when she wrote Mine and the video came out I was like wow wild this is weird and adult and why are you pregnant but this one is even MORE weird. I also HATE every time she says dreary mondays and “baby boy” (GROSS) and I hate that she keeps repeating it lol. The I hate accidents line is kind of fine

14. I forgot that you existed

I hate the lyrics and I hate the premise (we get it you’re indifferent that’s why you wrote a whole song about it) BUT it’s such a bop, it’s very /this feels like a perfect night to make fun of our exes/ vibes and I would be LYING if I said I didn’t enjoy that. Yes we exists

We are pretending her fake laughter and starting to talk in the middle of songs things isn’t real though. It wasn’t cute in we are never ever etc and isn’t cute now

13. I think he knows

I love the 16th avenue bit, it fills me with giddy happiness, the rest of the song is shit, and also lazy. Also stop being obsessed with being 17, it was weird in starlight and is weird now

The bridge is also sort of nice but not nice enough to redeem the rest of it

12. London Boy

Im sorry I promise I know this song is bad. It is bad. I hope it’s ironic? But it’s bad. It’s a weird colonialism complex fetishisation of posh brit whiteness and its even more gross when it’s like “btw IM american, DOUBLE whiteness”, it’s icky and bad. It is a bad song. I apologise for enjoying it and I promise I am ashamed but also u know what, if you ignore the lyrics entirely and pretend you’re 15 and un-enlightened about the violence inherent to the fetishisation of an english identity……….maybe a fun tune. I know. I know. I am sorry. I promise I enjoy it only ironically

11. The man

Corporate white lady feminism? With the word HUSTLE in it? In this economy? Yes obviously

The lyrics are a bit ehhhh but some of them are quite clever and I think she’s quite honest in this song in a rare sort of way without trying to exaggerate it for shock value and it’s a very like, this is my life, here you go, sort of tune, it doesn’t do anything for women’s rights but I think it sounds nice and is probably fun to dance to, and “I’m so sick of running as fast as I can, wondering if I’d get there quicker if I was a man” and “if I were a man, I’d be the man” are fUN lines !!! Idk how wild this comparison is but like, I feel this song is trying to deal with similar things as I know places (a very privileged rant, if you will, without much self awareness) but I think The Man does it better because it’s less self important and has less ambition about it solving or expressing the world’s worst problems.

10. False God

Ok, so, what is it with the religious motifs in this album, i don’t get it, though it kinda works a lot in this song? I wanted to rank this higher but after a few listens it got slightly grating, the beginning is a bit unecessary too? Like it’s trying to create this weirdly artificial aura of glamour and sophistication, it’s quite an unnerving and haunting song and I quite like that about it and it makes me a bit surprised and startled. This thing she’s doing with like slow, building, repeating tunes i think has worked the best in this song (we might just, get away with this, religion’s in your lips e-,ven if its a False gOd) also, THE ALTAR’S IN MY HIPS, OOF, the chorus does the trick honestly and i love when she’s like slightly laughing but in a wry sort of way. Love it tbh, something about it just makes me a bit stressed though and not in an intentional way (i think)

9. It’s Nice To Have a Friend

Miss taylor who gave you the RIGHT, to shove your hand into my chest and grab my heart and step all over it. I love it and it makes me cry and it’s so soft and sweet. Zero complaints abt it it’s a beautiful song. There r just MULTIPLE EXTREMELY GOOD SONGS that’s why it’s not like my absolute fav and im confused too as to why it’s so low but like. Idk. it is a very soft and sweet song. I love it. If anything maybe it’s a bit uncreative n lazy but i think that’s slightly on purpose so doesn’t rlly constitute a criticism

8. Death by a thousand cuts

I like this song a lot a lot. The lyrics are SO GOOD IM SO HAPPY SHES DOING GOOD LYRICS AGAIN. I love the “one for the agEs” line and i’m generally a slut for any mention of chandeliers in music or poetry (dont ask), her voice is delicate but proud and wild and i’m a fan, honestly, cannot wait to bop to this. The My my my bit is annoying tho

7. The archer

I HATE the bit where she says CoMbAt but otherwise this song is soft and lovely and gentle and I love it !!!!! I love the lyrics and I love her gentle restraint of how she slowly unfurls them and then let’s go in “help me hold onto you”, there is such a commanding frankness to it, it’s an ask for collaboration, an ask for honesty, an ask for I want to do this with you

I think it’s one of the strongest tracks lyrically and she also shows like great skill vocally which has been annoyingly missing from so much of what she’s recently produced. I feel like there’s a bunch of annoying stylistic choices (the they see right thru me bit is grating) but like the song overall is lovely, I think you can feel in her voice she knows she’s created something good and it’s not the usually insufferable IM A GENIUS vibe. WHO COULD EVER LEAVE ME DARLING, BUT WHO COULD STAY !!!

6. Soon you’ll get better

Made me cry. We’re not talking about this one

5. Lover

This song is soft loving, slow whispers, careful realisations that you can build a life with whatever you like and love will save everything, I love it, I love it I love it I love it, “can I go where you go?” moves me to tEARS it is such a soft and gentle expression of care, it is such a kindness, it’s such surrendering, such reckless care, I love it so much, it’s so hopeful and also sure, it’s so frightful but also unafraid. I think this is one of Taylor’s most earnest songs ever and it does the thing of combining that earnestness with brazen daring that doesn’t turn into embarrassment only because she commands her lyrics with such certainty, and that’s rare and often I think that daring has ended badly for her (LOL most of reputation) but here it’s done so beautifully and w so much happiness and LOVE, this song is truly just a beautiful lil piece of art with so much happiness dripping thru it

4. Cornelia Street

This song. This SONG. It builds up so beautifully with this ever so slightly hesitant fascination with its own emotions, i’m so obsessed with it, the lyrics are lovely and perfect, i was expecting it to feel slightly forced and oddly specific because wtf is a cornelia street anyway, but it WORKS. I think it wants me to think of like a glowy streetlighty street and it DOES THAT, “filling in the blanks as we gooooo” sounds so gorgeous and does that thing with her voice which literally is just showing off that Yes She Does Know How To Sing and it’s so certain and sure and restrained and open and bare (again in “i thought you were leading me onnnnn”). Also, “the city screams your name” should be a tired cliche but its just an excited expression of abandon im,, in love. The song is so shaky and uncertain but completely confident and relaxed at the same time and it FEELS EXACTLY LIKE COMING TO TERMS WITH BEING IN LOVE AND WANTING IT TO LAST FOREVER, also like, when did she learn how to write good bridges again because yEs

3. Daylight

Solely for the lines “i’ll tell you the truth, but never goodbye // i don’t want to look at anything else now that i saw you” she deserves a grammy it actually pierces my emotions and makes me want 2 explode, this song is sooooo lovely and it has the vibe that makes me feel like i’ve already heard it years ago (but maybe thats because ive had the album on repeat 2 days straight) but it’s just,,, very good and it feels like sunset and glitter and i think is a perfect ending to a great album i love how it builds intensity and then strips it down and just,,, love it.

2. Afterglow

This is i think, one of the most beautiful things this woman has ever produced, one of the loveliest and most powerful songs ever made, i love it so very much. She finally learnt how to do autotune properly lol, this song is like, a crescendo of emotion, everything is falling down around it and it’s like a little haven of bare, frank honesty and complete surrender, of complete vulnerability, the whole song sounds like an act of care and an act of expressing pure emotion, it’s so gorgeous. It moves so softly and doubles in on itself and she’s sorry and sad but so proud of this love and so certain of its importance, “i’m the one who burnt us down”, it’s such a zooming in on a very specific emotion and it’s done so well, i love it

1. Cruel summer

I LOVE THIS SONG. I LOVE THIS SONG. The lyrics are flighty and exciting and shivery, WHAT DOESNT KILL ME MAKES ME WANT YOU MORE- plug that shit into my VEINS. This song makes me feel like it’s 2015 and nothing is real yet and I’m living inside a YA novel and my biggest problem is my crush being mean to me and I’m RELISHING in that freedom and indulging every last drop of emotion because being alive and paying attention to it is incredible and Extremely Cool Actually (I DONT WANT TO KEEP SECRETS JUST TO KEEP YOU, dead right gal)

That said. Organise for the climate strike. Read up on what’s going on so you can answer questions in your family whatsapp group. Field those conversation, DO THAT EMOTIONAL LABOUR (again, what even), spread the word. But take care of yourself !!!! Listen to Taylor swift and remember that we are an absolute joke of a species, we went to the MOON, we can do this, I love you

[sixmorningsafter]

15 Review

I didn’t know how to start this review. Then you posted your character trailer and I was struck by how much this fic has evolved from the original 2-minute trailer. It started out as a fluffy rom com type fic and now it is a story of depth, of feeling and of growth. Sure, your humour balances out the angst, but what blows me away is the affection all your readers have for your characters even if the canon version leaves them cold. There are still times when I want to smack them around the head for being dumb (quite a lot in this chapter!), but I am still rooting so hard for all 4 of them to get a HEA (actually 5 including Kai).

Ahhhhh, Janet, my sun and stars! Sorry for taking a bit to reply to this - I was trying to get 16 cranked out (lmao as you well know) and I was putting off delving back into my asks until I did. Now that the chapter’s up and kind of terrifyingly out there, I can finally get to answering this glorious, lovely review, and I’m going to start with getting real emotional over everything you said about the fic’s development. I think I’ve mentioned it a few times, but I’ve always been aiming for a kind of Breakfast Club effect with this story where it starts out with a bunch of surface-level stereotypes for characters, gets them stuck somewhere, and then uses that idle time to dig past the labels and see what makes them human. Obviously SMA has gone way off the rails and is way more shippy and tropey than TBC, lmao, but it makes me so happy to hear that you feel like it’s transcended the raunchy romcom premise. It’s been a gradual but deliberate effort on my end and it gives me hella feels to know it’s working.

Can I just say how much I love the fact you started and ended it with Stefan’s POV? That end scene where he can’t help but be a little bit Nicholas Sparks (Stefan “King of Cheese” Salvatore knows who he is, but not Sia ha ha) and Caroline surprises him with the hot chocolate – aww. I also adored Ms Cuddles and Caroline having a ‘chat’ about Stefan – that was a really beautiful note, the parallel of Caroline softening towards both the cat and Stefan. In fact, the cat is basically a metaphor for Stefan, right? Caroline’s reaction annoyed me initially, I can’t lie, but her gradual rationalisation of her behaviour was really interesting and her thoughts on how it affected Stefan showed her to be compassionate and sweet. An interesting point was that Stefan felt that he lost control completely of the sex, intimacy situation, whereas Caroline describes him as ‘always having one foot on the floor, checking in’ – I’m not sure why I liked that so much, but I did. I love the tease for chapter 16 where these idiots actually talk to each other. There’s a line where Stefan talks (in his head) about him (or indeed anyone) not being worth that much angst and about watching her flicker from afar, both of which I loved because it showed just what a caring chap Stefan is.

Italicized the bit above because I’m so happy you caught that! It was one of those dissonant things I tried to sneak in to remind people that literally no one’s narration in this fic is objective, you know? Like Stefan’s sitting there feeling lowkey guilty because there was a moment he knew he probably should’ve pulled back but didn’t, and then later on Caroline’s thinking about how safe she felt because he never seemed to lose himself completely. I think on a backstory note, too, it gives a some indirect insight into Maroline and just how out of control Matt could get that by comparison, Stefan losing control felt like total safety to her. 

ANYWAY, that bit aside (I love how you catch those little things, btw), cat’s totally a metaphor for Stefan. To me anyway. I don’t think Stefan directly intended the parallel but this cheesy af author did 👍 And yeah, at their core, Caroline and Stefan are both giant cheese balls who are just trying to figure out what to do with their abundance of scary feelings. I think it’s good that Caroline’s reaction annoyed you, tbh, because it was supposed to be a last straw kind of thing. Not necessarily even for Stefan, but just for her. She gets sick of her own shit, which you probably get more of a sense for in 16 than 15. It’s kind of her breaking point. She’s like ‘holy shit enough this is exhausting’. So I think it’s good for you, as the reader, to also be exhausted with her, because she’s pretty much feeling the same way. 

(Aside: jeez the way you wrote the Steroline sex scene was perfect, not graphic or squirmy, but really hot. I now can’t wait to see what you do with Bamon! Things gonna get weird – I know it!)

I literally just figured out how Bamon’s going to go down (like locked it down in my head) and honestly. Weirdly feelsy. But also very hot and them, I think. Bonnie’s profession might factor in. But gah, thanks so much for the feedback on the SC scene! That was like my first time writing a sex scene in a fic (not because I’m anti-sex scene I just usually don’t make it that far in, looooool) so I’m so glad it wasn’t a disaster!

The ship stuff is great in this chapter, but I thought I was going to miss the friendship stuff. I didn’t because of all the cute references to the friendships that you put in. Damon doing his lovesick idiot impression AKA imitating Stefan – LOL! Damon referring to Stefan taking Bonnie to court for flamingo hate crimes - I nearly died at that little exchange. I also liked the parallel of Bonnie telling Damon about the Stefonnie V-day standoff (“yellow sucks and you’re a bad friend” WTF Bonnie? Baby love sick puppy Stefan - priceless) and Steroline chatting about Bonnie’s insane diet as a way of bonding (Stefan’s a feeder, his go-to strategy to smooth things over = food, head canon this was his major way of coping with his sisters and Bonnie’s mood swings). Bonnie is like the lynch pin in this fic and I bloody love it. The parallel of Caroline and Bonnie trying to get over Stefan and Damon by using extreme physical contact as a method of desensitisation. LOL like that was ever going to work - dumbos!

Aren’t they the stupidest human beings, though? Like do you understand how often I write literally any part of this fic and have to stop, stare the screen, and go ‘WHY ARE YOU ALL SO DUMB’. Like yeah, Caroline, riding Stefan in the middle of a dark living room till neither of you can think straight is definitely going to make you less into him. Obviously. How could that backfire? Yeah Bonnie, dragging a flirty Damon to a tiny little stairwell to bitch at him is obviously not going to lead to anything you don’t want happening. How could it? It’s so foolproof? They’re stupid. Anyway, lmao, love love love that all the brotp references could keep you afloat with the friendships this chapter, and love all the parallels you picked up on. I’m not going to lie, I miss writing ensemble scenes so friggin’ much, to the point where I’m a little sad 16 had to get split before I hit the group bits, but I can’t wait to get back to that. I can’t wait to get back to crowded mornings and furtive looks and smug comments and chaotic bursts of activity - it always happens whenever I have long night time scenes. I’m like ready for the reset of a new, bustling morning, and a large part of it is because of the brotp potential, so I’m super happy that part’s important to you, too!

Now for Kai. His cyber stalking, 6 ovens and secret room made me laugh in a somewhat anxious way, although I too aim for my Christmas decorations to involve a miniature train set up #lifegoals #weareallalittlebitkai. I get that Bonnie was terrified, trapped with a knife 2 inches from her face. She still slipped into her compassionate self because that is who Bonnie is at her core. This girl is a damn hero. I can totally see how down the line these 2 end up being ‘friends’ with the other 3 being dragged into this friendship group, kicking and screaming, although I caught Damon being friendly with him already. I’m really interested to see how the Stefan-Kai dynamic works out. I felt bad for him going off swan hunting in a blizzard and perplexed because it’s going to take ages to pluck and roast a new swan – Bamon are trapped lol.

Loooool, Kai, my little lunatic son. He means well? Kind of. I think he just doesn’t always know what ‘well’ is. And yep, Bonnie’s compassionate streak flares hard and often, and it’s already showing for Kai, although if you’ve read 16 it turns out that Damon actually ends up being the surprise Kai bestie. Honestly, Kai thinks they’re both great and has very enthusiastic and occasionally frightening ways of showing it, lmao. And HAHA, you know, Kai x Stefan is probably the only dynamic I haven’t nailed down? Largely because my instinct is to have Kai think he’s shady/get an inexplicably bad vibe from him (because COME ON HOW FUNNY IS THAT), and I feel like Stefan’s constantly getting the short end of the stick with these people, but lmao, who knows. I might do it anyway. It’s hard to resist the hilarity of Murdery McSwankiller Kai finding Stefan of all people suspicious. They’ll probably bond over cooking, though.

Hands down my favourite part is Damon’s panic attack, the way you wrote it – wow, so good. I have never had a panic attack and after reading that I was so glad that I hadn’t. It basically cracked open Damon’s life a little, let us in on his dark past. I have only waited 15 chapters for this (see every review of this fic I have ever written lol – god I’m so boring, sorry). When they were first trapped in the basement and Bonnie was quizzing him without mercy, I felt so bad for him.  I loved that she picked up on the panic attack and tried a softer approach and the connection that it sparked. I love their physical attraction (I want them to kiss every time they get within about 6 foot of each other, I have no idea how Bonnie copes!), their verbal sparring and Damon’s protectiveness towards Bonnie, but Damon being vulnerable and letting her in (even if he didn’t want to) was like the final piece in a jigsaw puzzle and at the same time, the beginning of something really beautiful. I really want to see more from him next chapter, his embarrassment is already palpable in the preview vid and I’m so psyched about vulnerable Damon. I hope we find out more about why he was in Chicago. Is that likely?

Ahhhhhh, girl, all of this has me so, so starry-eyed, like I’m so happy to hear this scene worked so well for you. I always get super nervous when I’m writing something sensitive that I’ve never gone through myself, and I try to do a bunch of research and read about peoples’ experiences and see what different accounts have in common to get to the core of it, but it’s still always a bit of a gamble. Not even in the sense of getting the symptoms and stuff right, because that’s just following a list, but more so capturing the gravity of it, not making it some melodramatic trivialized thing that robs it of weight, you know? That’s what I was the most worried about, so reading this review is just so, so wonderful, because it seems like you really felt everything I was trying to capture. Love love love your analysis of Bamon and their progression so far, and your note about how it felt like both the final piece of something and the beginning of something else. I think that’s such a great way to put it. You spend a fair bit of time in Damon’s head in 16, and it’s safe to say his whole breezy facade is cracked, but the vulnerability is definitely there. And as for the new beginning you mentioned in 15, I think what that ends up being in 16 is that trust is starting to build. He’s trying to avoid it at first, but it’s there and it’s growing, and in 17 (what was supposed to be 16, lmao), you’ll see the first moment where Damon actually volunteers information about himself. He isn’t asked, he isn’t panicking, he just finally gets to the point where he wants to talk about things, Chicago, etc. So I think it’s 100% likely that you’ll hear more about what happened there, and in an added bonus, it won’t all be from his mental narration! He’s going to bring it up. It’s comin’!

Edit: Having seen your posts, I have now seen that the next chapter will have Baroline friendship scenes and more Stefan back story – OMG yay so up for this! Also we need more about Stefan and the girl that cried after having sex with him (or was it the other way around?).

Hahaha literally BOTH of those things got lost in the split, I’m afraid. But they’re definitely coming! And lmaaaaaoooooo, in the fic, Stefan made a girl cry once, but I honestly wouldn’t put post-sex crying past him. Oh, Stefan, my precious emotional son.

Anyway, thanks so, so much for this glorious review, babe. As always, it was insightful and eloquent af and I’m crazy humbled to have readers like you. <3

[whatevertheywant]

My Bisexual Opinion: ABBA Edition

I saw where another blogger had discussed several different ABBA songs, and given the general happiness the announcement today has given me,I’m gonna discuss some favorites of mine as well

1. Super Trouper- My favorite ABBA song! There’s something uniquely intimate yet still still fun and upbeat about it. I love Anni-Frid’s voice so much and how well she and Agnetha harmonize <3 <3 <3 My favorite lyrics are “I’ll be there when you arrive// the sight of you will prove to me I’m still alive//And when you take me in your arms and hold me tight// I know it’s gonna mean so much tonight” Everything from the backing vocals to the composition to the ladies’ always flawless voices is just so on point! Also, I totally want Anni-Frid’s jumper from the music video

2. The Winner Takes It All- A close second favorite. Oh my sweet lord! This song doesn’t get the love it deserves by a long shot. Like...sweet mother of emotional vulnerability! I know Bjorn says that he didn’t write this song about his and Agnetha’s divorce, but there had to at least be a touch of those feelings that went into it. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been, at least initially for Agnetha to know Bjorn wrote the words she was singing. You can definitely feel the raw emotion she put into it. I know the divorce was particularly hard on her. (The Meryl Streep version really puts my heart through the ringer, but I digress). There are too many examples of amazing, heart-wrenching lyrics to list them all, but the biggest gut punch is probably “And I understand...//You’ve come to shake my hand// I apologize if it makes you feel bad// Seeing me so tense// No self-confidence” then the last chorus. I just want to hug her and tell her it will all be okay.

3. Dancing Queen- An absolute bop! I don’t want to say it’s overrated because it is definitely deserving of its popularity, but I hate that the U.S. kind of slept on ABBA because they were thought to be purely a disco band because of it. Anyway, I actually sang this song for karaoke at an event a couple days ago. It’s so fun and easy to sing along to! You can’t help but feel at least a little better after you listen to it. I’m disappointed that no one sent me this song or sang it to me when I turned 17 tbh. I also associate this song with a disco tape my fourth grade teacher played for us all day every day (Yes, in the year 2005 A.D., the year of our lord. Someone always had to go flip it at least once a day.) Benny coming through with the piano! Everyone is obviously enjoying themselves.

4. Lay All Your Love On Me- Yaaaaas Angetha! Also an absolute bop! I have this song on a spotify playlist for my fiancee. I love the beat as well as the lyrics! It’s very much a mood when you’re falling fast for someone but haven’t quite made things exclusive with them yet. The subject is familiar enough for everyone to relate, but the lyrics are unique that they don’t fall through the cracks as just another vintage pop love song. “And I’m possessive. It isn’t nice// You heard me saying that smoking was my only vice// But now it isn’t true// Now, everything is you//”. Like, hell yes, intensity and love while acknowledging jealousy isn’t a cutesy part of a relationship but still natural! 

5. Mamma Mia!- Here I go again! Another fun crowd song. That piano and guitar intro/outro is just so I C O N I C. Usually,I focus more on lyrics than music as a writer, but the music is what makes this song unique and great to me. The arrangement is just. so. GOOD. The boys really brought their game to this one on all fronts. I do also love the lyrics. Very solid song, very easy to relate to. I also like the ambiguity that the song ends on. Did she go back to the guy or not? That’s the lack of resolution makes it all the more addictive imo.

6. Does Your Mother Know?- LET BJORN ULVAEUS SING LEAD MORE. I love,love, love the girls, but I need more Bjorn lead vocals! He’s a great singer, and this is such a fun, flirty song.  I like that it doesn’t take itself too seriously, and there’s something amusing about the mental image of young Bjorn at a bar trying to have this conversation with a barely legal fan that’s probably throwing herself at him.

7. Thank You For The Music- I love the simplistic style of this one. It’s possibly the sweetest songs the band has ever released. At some point, everyone has thought or said, “No, ABBA, thank YOU for the music!” It really was the perfect way to say goodbye (thank fuck they came back though!). It leaves you with a sadness that is still warm and fuzzy, like watching a friend or relative graduate. It would be a good song for a grad slideshow for a music major. And for added cuteness, imagine the home videos there likely are of tiny ABBA members singing and dancing! 

8. I’m a Marionette- My best friend’s favorite ABBA song. It is a grossly underrated one! It can be a little difficult to listen to because both the music and lyrics give off an anxious or frantic feeling, much like one would probably feel being a marionette (Ghost does a good cover of this one.). The music industry is often guilty of meddling with and stifling the creative process, which can make artists feel like puppets more than people. This is another song where the music stands out to me more than the lyrics. Anyone who hears it can see why.

9.  Fernando- I am a sucker for softer sounds. I also love the Spanish influence of the song as a whole. There’s a fond sense of nostalgia. The entire chorus is so sweet and makes you feel like you’re taken back in time along with the singer. Whether you take the song as being about two former lovers remembering being young revolutionaries or the war being metaphorical, it feels like the sweeter side of a bittersweet ending. “Though we never thought that we could lose// There’s no regret// If I had to do the same again// I would, my friend” makes me think of the split between Anni-Frida and Benny (just speculation) and their split possibly being more amicable than Bjorn and Agnetha (given that The Winner Takes It All has any inspiration from their divorce). Very haunting.

10.  Slipping Through My Fingers- (the Mamma Mia! version chokes me up sometimes because I must protect Meryl Streep at all costs) The song can be emotional enough without the creator context,but knowing why Bjorn wrote it makes it more visceral for me. If you don’t know, he wrote it because he  was feeling sad about missing out on so much of his daughter’s life because of how fast she was growing up and how frequently the band was touring. Agnetha sings vocals on this one, which adds to the emotion here. Ouch, right? They both did such a great job on this one! It feels so poignant and authentic. It can tug at the heartstrings of both parents and their daughters. It’s hard to not just post all the lyrics, but here are some of my personal picks from this song: “What happened to the wonderful adventures//The places I had planned for us to go// Well, some of that we did, but most we didn't // And why, I just don't know” and “Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture//And save it from the funny tricks of time (Slipping through my fingers)”

That’s definitely not a complete list of the songs I most enjoy by them, but I figure I rambled enough for a bit. I’m just super excited! I may post more at some point, but if you actually read the whole thing, bless you.