#than the feeling of true friendship which. is pretty sad for her.

[magics-neptunes-things]

Feelings (1)

Hi guys :)

So this is a new serie and I wanted to thanks @cathhamel for encouraging me to post it. I don't know how many chapter it will have, it will depends of how much you like it I think.

I really hope you will like it.

Please enjoy ♥

TW : Suggestive.

PART 2 |

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As long as you remember, you always have been in love with Alessia. She is a year older than you, but she catches your eyes almost as soon as you met her. She was sweet, full of talents and of course everyone seemed to like her. You liked her too, but it was more love than friendship.

It has been five years, and you never told her anything. Alessia is straight, always talking about her boyfriend at the time or the boy who catch her eyes. You can’t say that she’s a great friend, you never have been very close of her to be honest. You are way more friend with Maya, who you know since your first step together for the Lionesses. Alessia is closer with Ella or Mary, it’s not that you don’t get along. It’s more that you become very shy when it comes to talk to her.

Maya knows about your long-term feelings for Alessia. She sometimes teases you about it, but you seem so desperate about it that she doesn’t do it a lot. You tried to find others girls to help you forget Alessia, but you didn’t succeed. It was even more sad maybe, but that’s the life you choose to live. This gave you a little reputation maybe, but you decide under Leah’s advice not to give a fuck. You do what you have to do, and it will stay that way.

Finding a pretty blonde with blue eyes is even more difficult, because since 2022 you’re playing at Barcelona. Along Lucy and Keira, the Spanish team came for you. You were playing at this time in West Ham and at your age it was a dream coming true. You don’t hesitate to throw your life in England to go to Spain. You didn’t know the language at first, but you learned Spanish and Catalan very quickly. Way more quickly than Keira and even Lucy.

With this team you won a lot of things and with the Lionesses, you won the Euro Cup 2022. You had hope that maybe you can get closer to Alessia with the alcohol and the adrenaline of the victory, but you were wrong.

So now, you are here in Summer camp for the Mondial 2023, in Australia. Sarina had call you to be part of the team, so is Lucy, Keira and of course Alessia. Maya isn’t part of the journey, so is Leah because of her ACL. You were gutted to learn about her injury. Leah always have been like a mentor for you, unlike Lucy who always had the role of the big sister. But you miss Maya in Australia, to be honest.

And you missed her even most, when you learned just before the first game that your girlfriend at the time chose to busy herself during your absence with cheating on you. You weren’t In love with her, but you thought that you can trust her. You were wrong. It was not the breakup who was disturbing for you, but behind betrayed that way. It isn’t something nice, really. You broke up with her, obviously. She asked you for a second chance, which you refuse before blocking her everywhere.

“And she had the nerves to ask you for a second chance?!” Jordan almost shout when Lucy explains to her all the story.

You let her do it, tired of people asking you why you seem so angry and almost sad. You weren’t really sad, but you weren’t really happy too. It was a strange feeling to be honest. You don’t miss your ex-girlfriend, but you are most disappointed to see that another attempt to forget Alessia is failing.

“What a bitch” Mary sighs after Lucy’s nod.

She is at the same table as you this morning, like Lucy, Jordan and surprisingly Ella and Alessia. If Ella seems to be as shocked as the others are, Alessia doesn’t really says anything. But you catch her watching in your direction a lot of time when you look at her too.

You don’t know how Sarina heard about that, but you assured her that you can still play as good as always. So, she lines up for your first game, against South Corea. You scored that day, like Georgia, Alessia and Lauren James. The first win was unbelievable, playing in almost full stadium too. And scoring your first goal in a Mundial was amazing.

Georgia decided to head a little hiding party, inviting everyone who wants to come. You did but spend almost all your time drinking your beer while watching Alessia. She’s so beautiful that you want to cry. You know you will never have her in any way, why can’t you stop those stupid feelings?

You would need to confide in someone, but Maya is probably not reachable now, being in England, so is Leah. You have friends in Barcelona, but they are here too and probably asleep. And Lucy is nowhere to be found, either in her room or on the phone with her own girlfriend. So, you decide to go in your room too, maybe to try to drink something stronger to forget all of this shit.

********

In your room, you sigh, disappointed. Your fridge is empty, probably an ask made by the English Federation. You understand, of course you can’t get hungover right now. How did Georgia find those beer anyway? You lie down on your bed, looking at the ceiling for a long moment before deciding to take a shower.

You slowly take your things and head for the bathroom. You stay a long time under the hot water too, needing time to wash all your feelings of the previous day. When you come out, you have decided to focus on the games and your play, not everything else. You have to.

Sarina, your teammates, your friends and your family are counting on you to have a great result. Your family is still in England for now, in the north of England. They will come after the qualifications, hopping England will pass the qualifications. You want to make your family proud, of course. You left them to play football very young and are used to be far away from them. But you still love them and their opinion are the most important for you.

Only wearing a oversize t-shirt and a shorty, you left your bathroom with your hair wet. You will hate yourself tomorrow, but you decide to sleep like this, not taking the time to dry them.

You were going under the cover when you hear someone knock on your door. Frowning, you go to open it, wondering who can come to you at this time of the night. Maybe Lucy who just hang up with Ona and need to cool off. Things are awful in Spanish Federation and you are happy to be English right now. You open the door, waiting to be faced to Lucy. But you were wrong.

“Alessia?”

The blonde is looking at you, looking like she’s wondering too what she’s doing here.

“Hi” she says with her sweet voice. “Can I come in, please?”

“Uh, sure” you answer with a second late.

You let her in, closing the door slowly behind her. Her perfume is tickling your nose and God. What is she doing here? You turn to her, she is in the middle of your room, playing with her fingers.

“How can I help you?” you ask her, beckoning her to sit down on your bed.

She’s still playing with her fingers and rings when she starts talking, but you leave her fingers with your eyes when she starts talking.

“I learn what happened with your girlfriend” Alessia starts.

“Ex” you mumble, shrugging.

“Yeah. But I just wanted to know that if you need someone to talk about it, you can come to me. I know I’m not Leah or Maya, but if you need someone, it can be me.”

You look at her, surprised. You don’t know what you were waited about her presence in your room, but definitely not that. The gesture touches you, very clearly. But you don’t want to lie to her or that she imagines things.

“I really appreciate it, honestly. But I have to let you know that I wasn’t really in love with her.”

“No?”

You shake your head negatively, then shrug your shoulders. It was weird to explain that the girl you are in love with why you weren’t in love with your ex-girlfriend.

“I trusted her and we had fun together, but I wasn’t in love. The betrayal still hurt, though.”

Alessia nods thoughtfully, biting her lips. And you have to take all your self-control to drag your eyes away from her. You feel like a disgusting teenager sometimes. Maybe when she left you will need another shower. Cold, this time.

“So, do you have someone else in mind?”

This conversation is unreal. Your eyes almost jump on Alessia’s silhouette with that question and you don’t know what to answer. Some seconds passes and you still haven’t answered anything. You gulp and take a breath, but Alessia is finally the first to talk again.

“I see you, you know. Looking at me.”

Ok, this is maybe the moment where you will die. You are mortified. You thought that you were being subtle about it, always looking when Alessia isn’t. You try to be respectful too, not staring at her in the changing room or when she’s not fully clothed. You feel yourself blush, a bright red blush, and you are definitely not ready for the last sentence leaving Alessia’s lips.

“I’m looking at you too”

It’s a whisper, that you probably wouldn’t have heard anywhere but in the silence of your room. You are now looking in her eyes, deep, looking for the truth.

“Alessia, if this is a joke…”

“It’s not!” Alessia takes your hand and comes infinitely close to you. “I swear it’s not.��

Her first answer was almost shout, unlike the second. Her eyes are in yours, her hand squeezing yours and you can think straight anymore. You lean to kiss her and it’s even more everything than you thought it would be. Her lips are sweet, soft and taste like strawberry. Just when you wanted to break the kiss to check that if your action were ok, a whimper left Alessia’s lips, and you just want to hear that sound again and again.

You extend the kiss, not leaving the opportunity when Alessia parts her lips. Your tongue caresses her bottom lip before starting to explore her mouth. You never felt so many feelings to be honest. You almost were shaking.

Wanted to feel her closer, you put your hand on her neck, taking her more against you. When she passes her hand in your now semi-wet hair, you make you fall delicately on the bed. Deciding not to lye on her right now, you lye next to her, on your front while she’s on her back.

When air became an issue, you break the kiss this time. Alessia’s lips were swollen, probably like yours. Her breathing was fast and deep, her chest rising irregularly to the rhythm of her breathing.

Alessia is the one initiating the kiss this time, taking you against her. You let her do it, obviously. This time your chest in on hers and the feeling adding with the kiss is driving you crazy. You manage to keep calm for more kisses, but when her hands are on your back and ass, you try to escape her arms.

“We need to stop” you breath difficulty.

“Why?”

Alessia’s disappointment is hard to miss and it’s flattering. But once again, you chose to be honest with her.

“Because if we don’t stop now, I won’t be able to stop after, Less.”

You saw in her eyes that she understands perfectly what you mean. She bites your lips, from under you and the gesture make enjoyable sensation right in your core. But you have to ignore it.

“What if I want the after?”

You don’t know in what parallel universe you are, honestly. But you need to check that she was being serious and sure of herself. And if she wasn’t drunk too, but you only saw her drink Pepsi tonight.

“I want it, Y/N” is her only answer.

You look at her eyes for several seconds before leaning it again, kissing her on the lips once again. The feeling is intoxicating, honestly. You don’t know it this is a one-time thing or not, but you take your time anyway.

Discovering her is like a dream and you take all the time necessary to remember every part of her. You touch, kiss and stroke every part of her body, trying to remember to what sound she makes at every move. You are kissing her neck, lying between her thighs with her in underwear when she speaks again, whispering softly.

“I’ve never been with a girl before.”

You leave her neck to be able to look at her better, looking at her babyblue eyes. You want her to be comfortable and make this night about her. Not about you fulfilling your fantasies, even if it’s the case right now.

“We still can stop it if you don’t feel right. Just one word and we stop”

She nods, biting her lip once again.

“I don’t want to stop. But I don’t know how to do things.”

She looks shy and you are filled with another feeling than pleasure or wanted. Alessia trusts you and it’s more than everything you ever wanted.

“I will show you” you smile softly.

She smiles back and you return of what you were doing. She seems to relax this time, letting her body fully in your hands. She’s still a little shy at first, but she seems to learn fast. And it’s just amazing.

[dwindlinghaze]

helloo can i request a fic for introvert!reader with extrovert!remus lupin whos head over heels for her <3

yes u can darlin <3 🫧🫧 i sort of wrote this into a whole new story but i hope you like this one ☁️🌸🩷🤍

everytime

(remus lupin x reader)

contents : fem reader, toxic friendships, kissing, fluff !! not proofread

　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

the door slammed open, revealing three young witches with their hands full of shopping bags. you knew they were going to hogsmeade together, but a part of you wished they had invited you.

they're your roomates and friends.

you couldn't go as far as calling them your true friends because they don't involve you much in their group activities.

they go on picnics together, shopping for pretty dresses in hogsmeade, having brunch dates, going to the movies.

a part of you wished you're there, being together with them and just fitting in. but the other part of you were thankful as for they're not inviting you because you would feel left out anyways.

it was better to be left out, and only you know it, rather than being left out with other people knowing.

maybe it wasn't their fault. elina is pretty, smart, bright and outgoing. adrienne is cheerful, energetic, and sociable. cassie is ambitious, intelligent, and talkative. you laughed bitterly to yourself, realising that they all have similar traits- all really easy to talk to and would always have an on going conversation.

you couldn't even hold a conversation for more than four minutes. it feels like your fault now.

you sit alone the morning after. you usually sit with your 'friends' for breakfast, but you were hurt from yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that. it was tiring, you needed break.

which caught the attention of a young gryffindor boy, sitting at the opposite end of the table.

remus lupin always thought you're the most beautiful person he ever saw. you two never talked, there's no reason to.

only his longing stares are the closest thing to interaction.

he thought you're beautiful. not the kind of beauty in magazines or billboards, but the kind of beauty that spreads through a field of mystical flowers. a kind that shines golden in daylight and a night fairy at late.

he saw the way you chew on your breakfast gloomily. he wondered why. you weren't spotted with your usual friends. you were just there. alone.

you would think of yourself as pathetic, but remus doesn't. he would never. he saw an angel-like soul that nobody's good enough to know. nobody's smart enough to notice.

he frowned when he saw you wiping away a tear before you got up, exiting the packed hall.

"frowning moony is not a safe moony," james said, quirking his eyebrows up.

"it's y/n, isn't it?" sirius questioned. the handsome man noticed how remus has been distracted from reality lately. he noticed how remus basically looks at you with heart eyes everytime.

"she looks sad today," remus noted, feeling an overwhelming sense of worry flooding him. it was funny to think about actually, you two never spoke a word to each other yet remus is worrying as if you're his.

"talk to her," james urged. "it's been- what was it? years of pining, you should make a move first because we all know she won't."

"i can't- y'know, my condition," remus huffed.

"she won't mind."

"how'd you know?"

"because- she is her...?" sirius said. "give it a try moony, if she doesn't love you with your condition then she doesn't deserve you, but if she does, it's worth it."

"right..."

that evening you sat down staring at an open window, catching your breath. you had been crying. you don't know why you're being so sensitive lately especially since your friends are always like this. why are you taking it so personal now?

you let the wind hit your face, drying your tears up with the cold breeze.

remus was on his nightly patrol around the castle. he's a prefect. that's how he heard a sniffle down the hall, his vision met with the most enchanting sight.

he walked slowly towards you, not wanting to scare. "hey... you alright?"

you turned around abruptly, wiping away the tears on your eyelashes. "i'm sorry for being out late."

"i'm not going to report you to professor mcgonagal, are you alright?" he asked once more.

"yeah, i'll be heading back to my dorm now," you collected yourself. the quiet footsteps didn't go unheard by you. remus was following you to the dorms.

"don't want filch to get you, i'll walk you there," he smiled a generous smile.

then silence fell between the two of you, only for remus to break it. "i know we're not friends but you can talk to me about it if you want, you can trust me," remus took hold of your upper arm, caressing it gently.

"thanks," was the only reply. you cringed at how short it sounded and he probably thinks you're rude and cold which is the opposite of who you are. your words aren't the best representation of yourself.

remus knew you were an introvert, hiding away from crowded rooms whenever you can. you never go to the parties his friends held. he knew you prefer reading to revelling.

he understands, he was once just like you. but with the help and support of his friends, he feels more comfortable in expressing himself now.

"will i see you tomorrow?" remus asked once you were inside the gryffindor common room.

"yeah, thank you- for not turning me in," you sent him an awkward smile.

the next day, you weren't in a better state either. you found out that cassie was talking horrible things about you with some slytherins. you weren't surprised. it was just your nature to constantly be disrespected by them.

remus saw you again that very day. your eyes were watery and your fingers were shaking.

he quickly ran up to you, his heart breaking into a million pieces. how dare someone did this to you?

"honey, you okay?" remus said, looking at you with the fondest eyes.

you almost cried again, hearing how someone actually asked you if you were okay. you shook your head in response.

"talk to me, we're friends," remus said softly. in reality, you two aren't technically friends. you only met face to face twice.

"we're friends?" you asked, feeling unsure.

"we are. from now on. now tell me who did this to you?"

"oh remus i can't," you shook your head.

"okay... but you can talk to me about anything okay? it doesn't have to be important. that's what friends are for," he smiled.

and oh when you smiled back, was like heaven to him. you looked like an ethereal angel with that divine smile and that archangelic face. he might as well fall in love right then and there.

the sparkles in your eyes that hold such loneliness and hope is what he calls beauty. the way you smiles even when you're sad just to assure him that you will be okay is heart warming. to him you weren't just beautiful for something as temporary as your face. you're beauty hides beneath that broken heart of yours, that delicate soul you have.

you opened up after a while, you feel you can trust remus. he is a calm and caring person. the way he asks 'how are you' every morning since. he wrapped his arm around your shoulder because he doesn't want to lose you in the sea of students. he cuts your breakfast so you can eat them easier. he reads to you softly when you cried again because of your friends.

he didn't know how much this has helped you to be okay again. how much you adored him for everything he does, even the questionable ones. you didn't care.

"rem, want to talk to you," you spoke, breaking his gaze from his book.

"i'm all ears, darling," he replied.

"you wanna know why i keep on crying?," you sniffed, ready to open up for the first time. "it's because- cause cassie, elina, and adrienne. they keep saying bad things about me- that you probably heard already. i used to always think we're friends, maybe not the kind like- you and me. but just friends... i guess. they keep leaving me out. it's like they don't even want me there." you were wiping tears away now, feeling unsure of yourself.

you never spoke of your feelings like this. never to anyone. how can remus made it so easy for you to be transparent to him?

"oh angel, they don't deserve you. they're too full of themselves to see how worthy you are. i think- i think you're the perfect just how you are. forget about them yeah? we will start a new beginning. you can come and sit with me from now on. no need to care about them. i will never make you sad, promise."

he pulled you to his chest, embracing you in a warm hug.

he made a promise to himself that every week, he will give you gifts and such to remind you how important you are. how much he loves and cares about you.

he couldn't let you waste your tears for your past friendship. remus treats you like a princess. he wants to make you smile. seeing you happy is what matters most because a dream girl should live in a dreamworld. and he made it a mission to make a perfect world for you.

he remembered you saying how those girls never invited you to picnics so here he is, inviting you to join the picnic he has set just for you and him.

"oh rem, this is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done!" you sighed, sitting yourself down on the carpet.

"it's nothing! you deserve it," he smiled proudly, pouring you and himself a cup of chamomile tea. your favourite.

there's something sparkling in your wrist. the shine of it glimmering under the perfect weather. you were wearing a bracelet remus gave to you a few days ago. a pretty silver chain with a moon and angel wings intertwined together.

when he first saw the jewelery on the display, it immediately reminded him of you so he just had to buy two of them. a matching bracelet.

god, nobody has ever even given you a friendship bracelet before.

he saw you, picking up the fresh strawberries with your delicate hands. 'what a dreamy girl' he thought 'and to have an angel like her to call my own'

he wanted to kiss you right there. everything was perfect at the moment. the soft honey rays of the sunshine warms the air surrounding the two of you, there's no reason for remus to scoot over closer to your figure. but he did anyways.

"i like a girl, no i actually love her," he started.

your heart sank, you thought maybe-just maybe remus is the one. he pulled you right out of misery in the best way.

remus saw your crestfallen expression, though he continued, "she makes my heart jump. she's the girl i've been in love with for a long time, i wanna go wherever she goes."

you forced a smile at him, munching on your strawberry that suddenly turned sour.

"she gets sad often, but that doesn't stop her from taking care of the people around her, and herself. she's smart and wise. she inspires me actually. everytime we say goodnight, i go to bed and sleep happily. dreaming of happy thoughts because when she's around, there's no negativity."

"i love her- y/n," he said, hinting at the way he emphasised your name.

"can i know who she is?" you asked shyly.

"can you guess?"

"i don't know..."

"well, i see her everytime," remus said, a smile playing on his lips.

"you see a lot of people everyday," you replied.

"i said everytime not everyday," he chuckled.

"that's not possible!"

"it is actually. i could never get tired of her. anyone is crazy if they do," he shook his head. "okay.. she smells like the most cosiest bakery in town."

"i don't think i know anyone that smells like a bakery."

"of course you don't, darling," remus said, cupping your cheeks. "'cause it's you. i'm in love with you,"

"wha- me?" you knitted your brows. he caressed them away.

"yes you, it's obvious actually. i thought you knew," remus chucked. "i don't have matching bracelets with anyone else, i never go on picnics, i never crochet someone a sweater before, i could go on but i want to hear what you have to say."

"i love you too, it's inevitable," you said, rubbing your cheeks further on his palms.

"can i kiss you?" he asked. he always considered himself a gentleman and he will be the most gentlemanly when it comes to you.

you responded with a soft nod, then he pressed his lips against yours. slowly but surely, he felt you melting in the kiss and god does that feel way more magical than the daydreams he had about this. his tongue manoeuvred its way inside your mouth, meeting yours in a soft touch that sent shivers down your spine. he loves the way you taste, licking the remnants of strawberry juice in your mouth.

he placed his hand on the back of your head while the other wrapped itself around waist, making you impossibly closer to him.

you didn't know how long that lasted but when you pulled away, the both of your cheeks were bright red and the smiles couldn't be wiped away.

[barcaatthemoon]

my hero || lucy bronze x teen!reader ||

you stop seeking lucy's approval.

playing at barcelona was a dream come true. the club was your childhood favorite. the players there were all amazing, but there was one in particular that you were excited to play alongside. lucy bronze was your childhood hero. you had been born in spain, but your mother was english, and she had done her best to show you as much english football as she could. that was where you had first seen lucy play, and any club she was at was a favorite while she was there.

you were instantly starstruck whenever you went to your first practice. some of the girls teased you about the way that you looked at lucy, thinking that it was just a crush at first. their jokes had stopped after a couple comments from alexia and lucy, but the damage had already been done.

lucy didn't ignore or outright avoid you, but she wasn't as friendly with you as she had been at first. still, you did absolutely everything you could to impress her at practices. all you wanted was for her to tell you that you were doing a good job, but lucy never really seemed to notice. that was why you started pushing yourself harder and harder.

"bebita has muscles," pina teased as she walked past you in the gym. you felt patri and bruna's arms wrap around your shoulders just seconds later.

"you do know that you're a centerback, not a bodybuilder right?" patri asked you. you brushed it off, continuing to do your reps even with them leaning on you. "you can slow down, mapi might get upset if you take her title of strongest player so soon after joining."

"this is the way to get better. i want to get a start," you told them. pina knew that it as more than that, but she led the other girls away from you. once you were alone again, you let your eyes drift off to lucy, who was training with the other defenders in a group. you didn't feel like one of them, so you always wandered off on your own to do your workouts. occasionally, if you went to do something big, you'd look for alexia, cata, or sandra to spot you if they weren't busy.

unbeknownst to you, pina had been watching you the entire time. she thought that it was sort of sad that you were always on your own. the age difference between you and most of the team was a pretty big obstacle for friendships. occasionally, you'd hang out with vicky, but all you really wanted was lucy's approval.

"alright ladies, recovery time and then we're watching film!" alexia announced loudly. you did one more quick set before you put your weights up. everybody went about their own recovery, and you found yourself running alongside lucy on a treadmil. neither one of you said anything, lucy not even bothering to look up at you.

you knew that she could see you out of her peripherial, so you upped your speed. you were practically sprinting, which was not really helping you recover much at all. lucy didn't mention it as she shut her machine off and made her way in for an ice bath. you weren't allowed to use the ice baths, so you went to the showers instead. you didn't like the cold, so you let the hot water relax the tension in your muscles instead.

"good job today," pina said as she nudged your leg. you glanced up from the laces of your regular shoes to see her smiling down at you. "i don't think that we tell you that enough. you're doing really well, promise me you won't run off to another team. i'd hate to have to play against you."

"thanks claud," you told her. she nodded, standing there awkwardly. you knew what she wanted, but alexia had been pretty strict about the girls not making you feel uncomfortable. they were all very affectionate with each other, but you hadn't really been in an environment like that before. however, you were getting better about accepting things like that, so you stood up and pulled her into a hug.

…

team bonding nights were a bit difficult with you around. they still had their nights out on the town, which you weren't old enough to join in on yet. however, they had also begun to have a lot more movie nights and little watch parties for shows that they could invite you to just as long as it didn't conflict with your school work.

tonight was one of those nights. the team was meeting for dinner at alexia's, which you had already been brought to. you were sitting at the table trying to finish up your last couple of school assignments for the week. alexia, irene, ingrid, and mapi were cooking, but each checked up on you periodically.

"hola," ona greeted as she entered. the team was starting to file in, but none of them had bothered you yet. you waved at ona, but didn't look up from your work. "what are you working on?"

"chemistry," you answered. she could hear the frustration in your voice and truly felt bad for you. you were smart, none of the girls doubted that, but your school work was hard. ona was glad that she had never been placed in such advanced classes because she swore that she would have gone mad.

"good luck," ona said as she pressed a kiss to the top of your head. it took you nearly another 40 minutes to finish up your homework, and in that time, you had gone into alexia's guest room. you were coming out of the room to tell her that you were done when you ran into alexia in the hallway.

"dinner is ready, i was coming to get you," alexia said. you nodded, looking absolutely exhausted. "do you feel okay?"

"yeah, i'm fine," you told her. truthfully, between practice and your work, everything was weighing down on you. you were grateful that your parents were letting you have this sleepover in the middle of the week, glad for the break from your normal routine.

"okay, well, come on, i saved you a seat." alexia put her arm around your shoulders as she led you towards the table. there were two seats open, one next to lucy and the other next to mapi. there was an unspoken rule at alexia's that you weren't allowed to eat your meals next to mapi, so you weren't surprised to be ushered in next to lucy.

"hi!" you greeted the other defender brightly. lucy sort of shrugged you off, just grunting in response. your face fell a little, something that didn't go unnoticed by the rest of the team. claudia was quick to try and cheer you up, but it didn't work. you seemed to be upset and distracted for the rest of the night, even going to bed before the movie was even halfway over.

…

it had hurt, but you finally came to the conclusion that lucy didn't like you. so much of your time felt wasted trying to impress her. nothing that you ever did would be good enough because all lucy saw you as was an insignficant little kid. you weren't her equal, she was being forced to be on your team.

"mr. jona," you said nervously. he glanced up from his computer, surprised to find you standing in his office. he had a meeting soon, one with alexia to figure out good lineups. "c-can i make a request?"

"is something wrong?" he asked. you were much more nervous than he had ever seen you before, and that was saying a lot. your first couple weeks had been a big adjustment, one that you had truly struggled with.

"i don't want to be in the backline. do you think that i could try playing in the midfield today please?" you asked him. there were no doubts that you could do it, but alexia had mentioned pushing you back in positioning so that you could learn from lucy. she knew that all you wanted was to be just like the right back, so jona was a little confused by your request.

"of course, but i can't promise that i can keep you there throughout the season," jona said. you nodded and thanked him for his consideration. you felt a little better going back into the locker room to finish getting ready. at least you had until jona announced that you'd be paired up with ingrid in the midfield for practice.

if there was anybody on the team you had trouble keeping the truth from, it was ingrid. with mapi around, you had a distraction, but one-on-one, ingrid was sure to notice that something was up. you were terrified all practice as you waited for the shoe to drop and her to begin questioning you. however, that time never came, and slowly, you started to relax.

"good practice," ingrid said as she placed her hand on your shoulder. you glanced over towards her, dropping your eyes just slightly to meet hers. "they could put you anywhere and you'd thrive."

"gracias," you thanked her. you felt a little better than you had all pre-season from that. you even managed to momentarily forget about lucy for the day. you had forogtten about the way that she had made you feel small by ignoring you constantly. and that seemed to be your big mistake.

you couldn't always have perfect practices. you were bound to make some mistakes, everybody did. jona liked having you in the midfield, occasionally pushing you forward into an attacking position. that was how you managed to get the ball at your feet during a scrimmage. you were sprinting down the line, and lucy came in at your side to get the ball from you.

"what the fuck!" it had been an accident, an honest mistake. irene stepped in between your body and lucy's to protect you from lucy's wrath. you watched the british woman slowly get up to her feet, obviously favoring her knee. "are you stupid?"

"lucy-," ona warned, only to be cut off. lucy shoved irene aside as she zeroed in on you.

"are you trying to end my career or do you just like playing dangerously? maybe you should go to arsenal, i'm sure that you could learn a lot from mccabe. she likes attention, so you can follow her around too. injuring me won't suddenly free all my time up to babysit you, understood?" lucy's words cut deep. your jaw fell open, but you quickly snapped it shut when all of that hurt turned into anger. you weren't quite sure what you wanted to do, so you just shoved lucy back as hard as you could and ran away.

"sure, run like the big fucking baby that you are!" lucy shouted after you. at her words, you started to run a little faster. everybody on the pitch was silent, but lucy could feel their disapproving stares on her as she hobbled off of the field. she went straight to the trainer's to get some ice for her knee, which was hurting worse than it had in a long time.

"what the hell is wrong with you?" of all the people that lucy expected to come after her for yelling at you like that, it wasn't ona. lucy knew that the two of you weren't particularly close at all. "how could you say those things to (y/n)?"

"don't tell me that you jumped on the precious baby train with (y/n) too. she could have ended my career knocking into me like that," lucy said. ona softened a little at the realization that lucy was just scared and had lashed out, however, that didn't last very long. ona had seen the tears running down your face whenever you ran away.

"she's not even 17 yet lucy, she is practically a baby. and don't you dare act like what you just did was mature. that girl worshipped you when she got here, now you're lucky if she even wants to play in barcelona anymore," ona said. she jabbed lucy in the chest, knocking lucy back a little. "what is your issue with her?"

"you saw her out there!" lucy huffed.

"yes, i saw you run into her. this wasn't her fault lucy, it's yours. now, go and apologize. fix this quickly because this is the only time i'll be nice about it."

…

"(y/n)," lucy said softly. she approached you slowly, careful to keep some space in between the two of you as she sat on the bench next to you. "i'm sorry for snapping at you earlier. i didn't mean it."

"yes you did. it's how you've felt since i arrived here. you just finally had an excuse to let it all out," you muttered angrily. "don't worry, i don't want anything to do with you anymore, i promise."

"(y/n), please-," lucy tried.

"no, dont! you obviously meant it lucy. i have tried to get your attention since i got here because all i've ever wanted was to play next to you. you were my hero, the whole reason that i worked so hard to get here. now i wish that i had never been signed to this club with you!" you shot up from your seat, grabbing your things as you stormed out of the locker room.

"(y/n)." ingrid and alexia followed you out to the parking lot. you were prepared to brush right past them and attempt to walk the five or so miles back to your house. instead, you were stopped by alexia's hand on the back of your neck. "stop it. would you like me to take you home, bebita?"

"yes please," you asked. alexia put her arm around your shoulders as she guided you outside. you had never seemed so small to her before, but lucy had broken you down until you were absolutely miniscule. alexia didn't know if she would be able to fix things, but she hoped that you would end up okay by the end of the season.

[norrizzandpia]

Used (LN4)

Summary: A bet can do more harm than good.

Warnings: i dont think ive ever wrote something this angsty, its very sad so be warned, lando is a back stabbing bitch but hes stupidly in love, literally stupidly, insecurities, loss of virginity, major betrayal, sad ending but there will be a part 2 bc as we all know i cant do sad endings

Note: im very sorry for this one

Word count: somewhere in the 4k’s

When Oscar got into F1, Y/n promised herself she wouldn’t follow her brother around the paddock like a lost puppy. With cameras all around and prying eyes, she wanted to come across as independent and strong rather than pathetic and small. For a while, that translated, but it got lonely after a few months. Missing her brother as he was busy doing interviews or creating connections, and losing her parents in the mass of people, she always found herself alone. That was until Lando fully came into the picture. He hadn’t wanted to overstep boundaries with his teammate by befriending his sister, but the boy couldn’t resist when he continued to catch glimpses of her struggle to fit in. She was too young to hang out with any of the racers’ girlfriends, yet too old to hang out with the children of powerful people. She was only 19, still figuring out what life was, why she was here, and what she was meant to do. So, overcoming his own anxieties, Lando approached the girl on a rainy Sunday when the race had been postponed because of the wet weather.

“Can I sit here?” He had said, smiling lightly at her as her head slowly moved up to make eye contact with the popular driver.

She had moved over on the bench, nodding quickly as if she was afraid any time in which he had to wait would set him off.

At first, things were awkward with Lando not knowing anything about her and Y/n being too shy to form any words in front of the boy she thought was cute. Nonetheless, after 20 minutes, words were spoken, and conversing became second nature.

Gradually, Lando felt Y/n warm up to him as she realized the driver was someone she found solace in.

Her first friend in Formula One.

Everyone in the paddock began to take note of the budding friendship quickly evolving between the sister and the driver. While people were happy to see a new connection growing, Oscar was weary. It was no secret Lando had a track record of sleeping around, pretending to be close to women for only one night in order to get what he wanted. The women in question always understood the pattern and never found offense or distaste with it, but Y/n wasn’t that mature, Oscar knew. His sister was still naive and her lack of attention toward media outlets played into her lack of luck as she didn’t realize Lando could be around for all the wrong reasons. Oscar did, though, and he made it incredibly clear to the British boy that any impure advances on his sister were not, and never would be, welcomed.

“You pull any weird shit and I’ll have your head.” He said sternly to Lando in a tone that no one had ever heard come out of the Australian before.

“I’m not going to, Oscar. I’m sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, but we’ve realized we just have so much in common. There’s nothing else behind it, I promise. I just like your sister’s company. That’s it.” He reassured.

And, for a while, that was true. Lando saw nothing else behind their friendship, however, that soon began to change. He noted the way he became so comfortable being touchy with her or giving her impromptu compliments about how pretty she looked that day. Being experienced in that realm of life, Lando also noted the way her cheeks blushed ever so slightly under his eye, and he couldn’t ignore the way his insides twisted at her subtle happiness over him.

They danced around each other and their feelings for some time until a drunken night changed everything. Lando had invited his friends from DJing over, one of those people being Martin Garrix. The men had laid themselves out on Lando’s luxurious couch with beers in hand, chugging away as they gossiped like 13-year-old girls.

The conversation came easily with these people as Martin interrupted and changed the topic to something a bit more interesting, “Lando, I gotta ask. What’s going on with you and Oscar’s sister?”

At this point in their relationship, Lando was still in the stage of denying any deeper feelings for her, “Nothing? What do you mean?”

Martin shook his head as the boys around him knowingly eyed each other, “Come on, you two are definitely sleeping together.”

“No, we aren’t.” He said immediately, not understanding why he had become so invested in protecting Y/n’s image.

Martin’s eyebrows furrowed, “So, you two aren’t sneaking around behind the brother’s back?”

“No,” Lando said firmly, but his defiance on the subject proved to worsen his situation as Martin set his beer down and looked at him with a mischievous look.

“Then, I have a proposition for you.” His arms rested on his knees as he leaned forward.

“What?” Lando mirrored his stance.

“Obviously, you know I have that really big gig next year at The Cabin in New York.” Lando nodded, “Well, if you can get Y/n to fall in love with you, maybe even sleep with her, I don’t know, then you can play it. Play the set at The Cabin.” Martin’s idea made Lando’s eyes bulge out of his head and his body leap from the couch.

The alcohol in his system proved to do its job by impairing his judgment as he didn’t ask questions or try to understand why Martin would get off on playing with someone in that way. All the boy did was scream his agreeance and then excitement for playing at The Cabin in New York.

“YOU ASKED MY SISTER OUT!?” Oscar had screamed in fury at Lando 2 days later.

Putting his hands up, Lando tried to talk down an aggravated teammate, “Listen, Oscar. Listen,” He pleaded, “I didn’t see it coming, really. But, I…” The words felt sour in his mouth as the guilt for what he was about to embark on set in, “I didn’t expect to fall for her, okay? I just did and I hope you’ll trust me enough that I’m not going to play her like I do the others. I wouldn’t hurt you like that and I especially wouldn’t hurt her like that.”

His words seemed to calm the blonde boy as he looked Lando in the eye, trying to decipher if he was being truthful. And, even though he wasn’t, Oscar found Lando’s spewed sentences to be genuine.

“Fine, but, I’m serious, Lando,” Oscar shoved a finger into Lando’s chest, “if you pull anything, I won’t hesitate to find crazy dirt on you and blackmail McLaren into firing you. Trust me, I’m smart enough to ruin your whole career.”

His threats went in Lando’s right ear and out the other because he found his British accent flooding the room they stood in as he said, “I promise, nothing will happen.”

—

“Is there any specific you want for tonight, my love?” Lando whispered against her skin as they lay in his bed, tangled together after a busy morning of meetings and conversations discussing their announcement of their relationship to the public with McLaren’s PR teams.

She breathed against the crook of his neck as she toyed with his shirt, “No, just excited to go out with you.”

He chuckled as he breathed the scent of her shampoo in, “Me too, baby.”

After nearly 3 months, the couple had fallen easily into the norms of a romantic relationship. Having not yet slept together or fully opened up and shown the other dark parts of themselves, they had a long way to go, but, at that moment, the two were content.

Content with having casual dates, hidden under baseball caps and sunglasses to keep from someone seeing them and outing their newfound connection. Content with the star gazing they had scheduled a few weeks back for that night, fulfilling something Y/n had mentioned she wanted to try.

They found themselves lost in the sky, weeds surrounding them as they lay side by side on a thin blanket to separate them from the rough grass beneath. In a quiet moment with Y/n’s fingers pointing out constellations to him, Lando sunk into himself.

His past few months with her had proven to be a lot more interesting than he had expected. Pretending to be in love with her started to feel less like a forced feeling and more like something he had been destined to feel for her and her only his whole life. The guilt ate away at him, but the love that was slowly consuming him for her trumped it every time.

“Lan? You still here?” Her sweet voice cut through his thoughts, making his head turn to meet her eyes.

He smiled at her, “Yeah, sorry, just lost track of my thoughts, I think.”

Her hand trailed up and down his stomach, “You okay?”

“Mhm, just don’t want to leave.” He nodded, looking at her so she could understand that he didn’t just want to leave this moment, he didn’t want to leave her.

She cracked a small smile, “Oh, me neither.”

A beat of silence went by before she sat up and turned to look down at him, “When did you realize you wanted more than just a friendship between us?”

This question was something he was anticipating and absolutely dreaded because, if he were to tell the truth, he would have to tell her she was a bet with his friends and that was the only reason he had been pushed to confront his underlying feelings for her. Although, wanting his gig, Lando tried to tell a white lie.

“I don’t really know when it happened. I just know that one day I really liked talking with you and the next I just liked you.” Simple and sweet, he thought. That was the trick to getting away with this.

Her blush complicated things and the butterflies in his stomach over her smile laid out the strong counterargument to his mind.

“Hm.” She said as she lowered herself back to the ground.

Lando’s curiosity took over as he asked what she meant by the ominous sound.

“Just that, I didn’t expect you to like me. I mean, you’re past is a lot of picture-perfect models and well-rounded, intellectual, impressive women. Not a 19-year-old kid whose major is undecided as she enters into her second year of college.” Her words struck a deep cord within his chest that he couldn’t not play.

“Is that all you think you are?” He was complicating the situation further, he understood that, but to think Y/n didn’t understand how amazing she was was something he couldn’t ignore.

She shrugged her shoulders, “Well, Lan, what else would I be?”

He was internally shocked at her obliviousness to her own perfection, “‘What else would I be?’ Y/n, what? You’re not just some lost college kid. You’re Oscar’s best friend and the person I would call first no matter what the situation. You’re so much to everyone around you. How can you not see that?”

Her voice came out trembly as she stared at the stars, “It’s hard when your brother’s constantly outshined you your whole life. My parents never realized they had another kid when I was growing up. It was all about Oscar and his races, his success. I never lived up to anything to actually make them notice me.”

His heart broke for the hurt little girl she was clearly entrusting him with, “Y/n, look at me.” His hands wrapped around her jaw to turn her head to the side, their eyes meeting in an intense stare, “Oscar could never outshine you and the fact that you’ve gone your whole life thinking anyone, let alone your brother, has the ability to take other’s attention from you is preposterous. You are the first thing that catches people’s eye when they walk into a room. You’re intoxicating with the way you carry yourself. You’re not just a confused child, you’re you. You are your best friend’s safe space, Oscar’s go-to person to brag about, you’re my favorite person, and, even though you might not think so, your parent’s pride and joy. You’re so many things, darling. Just because you aren’t an F1 driver doesn’t mean you don’t mean something. If it means anything, to me, you mean everything.”

His forehead rested against hers as he whispered the words to her, her eyes closed against his skin as she took in what she had longed to hear since she was 7. Lando’s thumbs rested against her cheeks, collecting the soft tears as they fell from her eyes.

“Sorry,” She whispered as she tried to back away from his hold, apologizing for the wetness that was pooling around his fingers.

However, Lando was quick to pull her back in, “No, don’t apologize. Letting me in isn’t something I’m afraid of, Y/n. It’s something I’m grateful to experience.”

She nodded, at a loss for words as she reveled in his gentleness. His hold on her tightened as he pushed her against his chest, whispering words into her ear.

Words that spoke truths he believed deep within himself and words that complexified the bet he had made.

—

“So, tell us what’s going on with you and the hotshot driver!” Y/n’s best friend, Paige, exclaimed at breakfast weeks after Lando and she had gone public.

Y/n rolled her eyes playfully, “Nothing! We’re just together. It’s not that serious.”

Paige reeled back in her seat, sending her a questionable look, “Really? ‘Not that serious’? Are you kidding me? He took your virginity!”

“Shh!!! Shh!!” Y/n jabbed a finger in her friend's face in response to the loud volume accompanied by the exposition of her situation.

“Sorry!” Paige squeaked, looking around to make sure no one had heard her, thankfully no one had. She continued, “Does he know?”

“That it was my first time? Yeah.” Y/n informed as Paige smiled triumphantly at the girl across from her.

“So, was he sweet? Did you like it?” Paige fired off the questions.

Y/n blushed, being taken back to the night before where Lando had assured her he would be gentle.

He had.

“Yes, he was very sweet. We got back from the date and decided to watch a movie. During it, we started kissing and then, you know, one thing led to another, and…”

“You told him.” Paige finished her sentence.

Y/n waved her head slowly to the left and right, “Well, it started getting intense, so I just let him know. I tried to be pretty nonchalant about it, come off like it wasn’t that big of a deal, but the moment he heard it, he was telling me how much he cared about it.”

Paige’s eyebrows furrowed, “What do you mean?”

“He just wanted to talk about it, wanted to make sure I wasn’t rushing into anything and that I actually wanted to do this with him. He told me how he didn’t want to screw anything up and how he really wanted it to go well for me, so if I needed him to change anything, I could just let him know. He was really big on communication through the whole thing and, honestly, it made things so much easier. And, then, after we were done, I got up to leave, but he acted like I had just said he wouldn’t ever win a world championship, and then insisted on me staying. Paige, he was so perfect.”

The two girls giggled together as they dug into their food, “So, you’ve let him in completely then?”

Y/n giggled, not having a clue of what was to come, “After he saw me completely naked and I told him about my deepest insecurities? Yeah, I have. I just hope this doesn’t backfire in my face.”

—

Lando was Y/n’s first love. There was no doubt about that. So, surprising him at the Silverstone Grand Prix sounded like a good idea. However, as she and Oscar stood outside his Driver’s Room door, accidentally eavesdropping on his conversation with Martin, the world proved to her that being there entirely was a horrible idea.

“Mate, I think it's gone too far. I want to back out of the bet.” Lando’s muffled voice sounded through the wall as Oscar and Y/n glanced at each other, matching confusion on their faces.

“No way, Lando. We made a deal. I don’t want to do this gig, I’ve done it so many times before it’s boring now, but for someone like you who has never done it, it’ll be fun.” Martin pleaded.

Y/n could practically hear Lando shake his head, “No, Martin. We should’ve never made it in the first place. I don’t want to play at The Cabin. Dating her for a bet is so cruel. I should’ve stopped it so long ago. I should’ve told you ‘no’ immediately.”

She didn’t even really comprehend what his words meant for a few minutes. She just stood there, eyes fixed on the door, trying desperately to figure out a way to explain away what he had just revealed.

Oscar’s hand gripped her arm as he watched her realize Lando’s true intent. His lip trembled, trying to keep the tears at bay, as his little sister broke in front of him. Her mouth opened and closed before her eyes watered and her gaze was shooting around the hallway in an attempt to find her brother. The fact that he was right in front of her didn’t translate in her brain, which had been in immediate turmoil once it dawned on her.

“Y/n, I’m right here.” He repeated to her as he slowly coaxed her into his embrace. Blind rage threatened to fill Oscar’s body, wanting nothing more than to storm into Lando’s room and rip him to shreds, but, as his sister quietly sobbed in his arms, he knew she needed him more than his fist needed to collide with Lando’s face.

Fortunately, his room wasn’t too far, so they weren’t seen by anyone as they made their way. The tears never ceased, only intensifying once they found themselves tucked away in the privateness of his own four walls.

“I was a bet?” Her choked sobs fought to silence her, but she continued to repeat the words as if it could cause her confusion to be fixed.

She clutched onto her older brother as she willed herself to go back in time and never step foot in an F1 paddock. Her mind raced as it tried to erase their time together and the love she had for him, the love she still had for him.

—

Hours after crying so much the tears dried up, Y/n found herself numb as she poured steeped the tea bag into the steaming hot water. No longer caring if she ran into him, she stood in the middle of McLaren’s hospitality, still trying to understand when she went wrong.

When she started loving him in the way that she did now. Even after finding out it was fake, his love for her was fake, she can’t stop the way her heart still beats for him.

The way, even after he had hurt her as badly as he did, she still searched for him in the crowd.

Oscar was off doing an interview, something he begrudgingly went off as he wanted to sit with his sister longer, as she made her walk back to his resting room.

Her attention was on the warm temperature that surrounded her face when she sipped her drink, she didn’t see the man of the hour turn the corner nor did she see the way his gaze landed on her or the way he began running toward her, confused as to why she was here.

“Y/n? Love, what are you doing here? I thought you had a test you couldn’t skip?” His voice forced feelings into her body whether she liked it or not. However, this time instead of feeling suffocating sadness, she felt pure, bewildered rage.

Turning around, she met his eyes, “What set do you think you’ll play at The Cabin?”

Lando’s eyebrows furrowed together at her question as well as the look on her face he wasn’t accustomed to.

“What?” He asked simply, not believing she could know.

She took a step closer to him, letting the betrayal take control, “When you play in New York at The Cabin, Lan,” Her smile was sickly and incredibly fake, “What are you going to play? I was thinking that one remix you have that you said makes the crowd go wild. I mean, it has to be big seeing as you went through so much trouble to get the spot. Ya know, dating me for a bet and all.” She took his silence and blank stare as an invitation to keep going, “Inspiring, really, Lando. The amount of dedication you must have when it comes to being a DJ that you would exploit someone else’s vulnerability, allow them to tell you all the internalized bullshit they’ve struggled with their whole lives, and, then!” She exclaimed, her voice translating ferocity rather than joy, “And then!” She dryly laughed, “Take their virginity just to spice things up! Wow, Lando, you have a certain level of determinedness I think society doesn’t address enough.”

His hand reached out for hers, but she quickly pulled her own back to her chest, looking at him in disgust, “Y/n, let me explain.”

Not wanting to look at his face any longer, she turned around, hightailing it to Oscar’s as she heard Lando follow her.

“Y/n, I’m serious. Please, there’s an explanation. Listen to me, baby. Please, I’m begging you.” He pleaded with her as he continued to reach for her, but he was always just a little too late.

“Y/n, I never meant for it to go this far. I though-” He tried, but Y/n was whirling around and jabbing a finger into his chest as she interrupted him with a fiery gaze.

“You never meant for it to go this far? Really? That’s the best you can give me!? I was lonely and you took advantage of that! You didn’t mean for it to go this far? Are you kidding me? You should’ve never even looked in my direction. You’re sick in the head for knowingly taking my virginity! For taking what was supposed to be something special and eventful, something meaningful, and twisting it into some stepping stone all a part of your grand plan to gain a bigger audience for your hobby! That was mine. That moment, when I allowed a guy I trusted and loved to take something so sacred, was supposed to be something I looked fondly back on. That part of my life, my girlhood, you exploited for your own personal gain. Where the hell do you get off? I trusted you. I told you things about my life, about myself, I’ve never told anyone before, and, what? The whole time it was a bet to you? A task you had to complete in order to turn some tables at a club in a dirty city?”

He stared at her, trying to peer into her soul and tell her all the things he didn’t know how to say, but, with all the hurt he had presented her with, she didn’t see him. She didn’t see the anguish he was going through over his actions catching up with him and abusing someone who was completely innocent. She didn’t see how hard he was trying to tell her he loved her and he always had.

“Y/n, it was never that to me. Please, you have to understand. You’ve always been so much more to me. Y/n, I love you-” Once again, she was shutting him up.

“That’s not love, Lando, and it’s pathetic you think it is.”

With that, she stepped into her brother’s room, closed the door, and locked it. Effectively, shutting Lando out.

For good or for the time being, he didn’t know.

[andreal831]

What are your top 5 episodes on both TO and TVD?

This took me some time to put together but if you push me on any of these, I'll probably cave. I haven't rewatched in a while and I feel like I would have to sit down and actually rank them to get a list I feel confident in. A lot of my favorite scenes aren't even in this list because the rest of the episode just doesn't rank high for me. But without further ado, here is my tentative top episode list.

Top 5 Episodes for TVD

5. 1x22 - Founder's Day

Despite how problematic the 'Founder's Day' was (like how they completely disregarded the actual founders. Justice for the Bennetts), Katherine's entrance was done so well. The revelation was a great twist and I love watching people watch this episode for the first time.

It's not higher because everything else was kind of just a normal episode. I love at this point we are getting glimpses of how powerful Bonnie is and Stefan's devotion to Damon. It also begins to build on the mystery of Tyler which was fun. But other than that, it was just a lot of high school drama. Katherine's entrance really made this episode.

This is one that I would probably replace if I rewatched.

4. 6x21 - I'll Wed You In the Summertime /6x22 - I'm Thinking of You All the While

I'm already cheating and combing these episodes, but they are basically just a continuation.

I want to preface this with saying, I hate Matthew Davis more than I can express. I also don't think I like Alaric much in the later seasons. But I did really like him and Jo. This episode was so cute and light and fun. Up until it wasn't in true TVDU fashion.

I loved seeing season 1 Elena again. I will always defend Elena when people get misogynistic with her, but vampire Elena was not my favorite. When she took the cure, I felt like we got the old Elena back. If they hadn't of done that, I probably wouldn't have been sad to see her leave.

We got some really touching moments between Elena, Bonnie, and Caroline, with them getting ready and their goodbye. Bonnie and the feathers had me in tears the first time I watched this episode. We get Stefan torturing Damon with the fact that Damon loves being a vampire, sorry but I loved it. Caroline and Tyler actually talking as friends. Tyler and Liv making me sob. Stefan and Caroline moment. Kai's reappearance was terrible but pretty epic. Bonnie just being an amazing badass. Just all of the chaos was great and Damon faking us out thinking he wouldn't save Bonnie but then ultimately doing so.

My biggest complaint was that Bonnie was so separate from everyone, dealing with Lily with just Matt for back up. Though I do love a good Bonnie/Matt team up.

3. 3x05 - The Reckoning

Surprisingly, this was the first episode I ever saw of the TVDU. I was at a family member's home for a holiday and they had it on and I was hooked. Not only did I love the friendship dynamics in this episode, but the villains were so good. Klaus and Rebekah were unhinged in this episode. It was a great introduction to the best aspects of TVDU.

Stefan fighting the compulsion for Elena is one of the reasons I'll always have a soft spot for Stelena. I loved Matt and Bonnie's friendship in this episode. They were both such selfless people and I loved moments we got of them together. I don't typically like Damon and Katherine, but even their interactions were so funny in this episode.

2. 4x20 - The Originals

Is this cheating?

I always get so excited when I get to this episode because it's time to switch over to The Originals. But come on, we get to meet Cami and Marcel. We get haylijah and klamille's meeting.

It is weird that I almost like it more than the pilot of TO? Just purely for the nostalgia. Also because the pilot removed some of my favorite scenes that I always forget aren't there until I rewatch TO and then i have to go find wherever TVD is streaming.

And then stuff is still happening back in Mystic Falls, I guess.

I could probably also replace this one on a rewatch with a more TVD focused episode but I can't think of any right now.

2x08 - Rose

No one is surprised this one tops the list. Not only is it the introduction of the Originals, but more importantly it's Elijah's introduction. I know I am biased, but this is my favorite episode in TVD and usually the one I start with on rewatches.

I also love Rose and Trevor (RIP). But the tension in this episode is so good and the show struggled to recreate it. They built up Klaus' entrance so much that it was kind of disappointing. Nothing could live up to the hype. But Elijah came out of nowhere. We didn't even know he existed before this episode. He just shows up, all creepy and mysterious, and then just casually comes back to life after being staked in the heart.

I wouldn't change a thing about this episode.

Top 5 Episodes for TO

5. 3x09 - Savior

I'm a sucker for a Christmas episode.

But let's be honest, this is one of the best TO episodes.

We get the trio's reunion, if only briefly. We get Rebekah going mad and trying to kill everyone while dropping some hard to hear truths (sorry Hayley). We get Jackson starting to accept his in-laws. Cute scenes between the Mikaelsons, actually including Hope. Finn helping Freya save their siblings. Freya's first Christmas with her family. Klamille's first kiss. Plus a bunch of drama in the background.

One of my biggest complaints with TO is that it doesn't give us moments of just peace and let them be a family. It is so action packed that we never get to just have a comfort episode. It only took them 3 seasons, but we finally got one (mostly). I mean it ended terribly but I just stop watching before that.

4. 2x01 - Rebirth

This is just Elijah's best episode hands down. And yes I am making this list about Elijah. It's kind of what I do here.

But seriously, he looked so good in this episode and was just so perfect.

I had no idea what to expect out of this episode since season 1 ended with so much up in the air and this episode delivered. So much happened. Elijah being the mastermind while Klaus and Hayley grieved losing Hope. Then them all working together as a team for the first time. And I'd be remis if I don't talk about Elijah's infamous scene of walking into the Guerreras house like he owned it. Also love them trusting Cami to help. Marcel is also in on it. I just love them all working together.

Getting to see Rebekah raising Hope. Marcel and Cami just being hot. But also Cami going to check on Klaus, that scene, the tension. So good. Cami and Elijah talking and then Elijah and Klaus talking about Cami. Perfection. Davina putting Oliver in his place. And then Hayley later doing the same. The introduction of Gia. Even the tension between Elijah and Hayley is so good. I could truly feel all of their grief and desperation. I also love Klaus and Hayley actually talking and Klaus realizing that his scheming is what cost them everything (although he will quickly forget this lesson).

It's another perfect episode. No notes.

3. 4x03 - Haunter of Ruins

I'm honestly surprised an episode from season 4 or 5 is even on this list, but I do love this episode before everything goes to hell.

This episode was another comfort episode.

I clearly loved the amount of haylijah we get. We get our first "I love you" from both of them. Although I headcanon they said it before this. We get them just being super cute and flirty and then super hot. Hayley wearing Elijah's shirt when she runs to check on Hope is so perfect to me. I love the scene of them on the porch. They love each other so much and this episode does a great job expressing it.

We finally get the Mikaelsons all together, even Kol (sorry Finn). I love seeing them behave as siblings in the beginning, bickering. I love how they handled introducing Hope to them and how hesitant they all are, which is so out of character for them, but they have no idea how to interact with a child. Klaus and Hope was so sweet. And Rebekah finally standing up for what she wants and encouraging her brothers to do the same.

My only complaint is Freya and Keelin. I love them because this show is deprived of sapphic representation. But why did they have to make the only sapphic couple's origins be essentially stockholm syndrome. I loved Hayley standing up for Keelin but then Freya just immediately goes after her again. Only thing I would change is how Freya behaved in this episode.

2. 3x22 - The Bloody Crown

May be unpopular, but I loved seeing the Mikaelsons get put in their place. And then I loved Vincent standing on his morals and turning around and put Marcel in his place. Everyone needs accountability.

Marcel awakening as an upgraded Original was so good. We got the return of Rebekah in this episode and she was fantastic. I loved Klaus' trial and I loved Rebekah getting to stand with the enemies (even if it was just the curse/part of the plan). People love to say Klaus didn't deserve it because Marcel was really mad at Elijah, but all of these people were here specifically because of Klaus. They all needed some humbling. Except Rebekah.

I can't talk about this episode without talking about haylijah. The show opens on one of their cutest scenes (we aren't going to talk about the problematic stuff that happened in the episode before). Elijah watching Hayley sleep was adorable. And then we get the scene of Elijah telling Hayley to not grieve him. They break my heart.

2x09 - Map of the Moments

Not surprising, but another Christmas episode.

And no, it's not just because of hayllijah.

I mean, it's not not because of haylijah.

In case you can't tell, my favorite episodes tend to be the comfort episodes. I love the drama, but the reasons I adore these shows are because of bonds. We get to see the Mikaelsons reunite with Hope and actually have some moments of peace together.

There are so many scenes that made me actually laugh out loud. I just adore this episode so much. And yes, I love it because we finally get haylijah getting together, if only briefly.

This was such a fun ask, thank you! What episodes did I miss?

[donnerpartyofone]

I saw this post a few weeks ago that was like a chart from a psychology text that described how different sorts of childhood trauma can produce different dysfunctions, one of which was (I *think*) Emotional Neglect -> Magical Thinking. I was so intrigued by that. Magical thinking is sort of an umbrella term for the belief in a causal relationship between two unrelated factors; it can include wishing on a birthday cake candle; the feeling that The Universe is telling you to call your ex because something reminded you of them; OCD-type rituals that you believe will ward off misfortune; the deeper meanings mis-assigned to mundane events that can be produced by schizo-affective disorders; and also religious convictions to some degree, although those are rarely considered a clinical problem as with anything that helps or doesn't seem to hurt the participants. There seem to be as many potential causes of magical thinking as there are forms of the thought pattern itself, and trauma is an interesting one.

It might be better to think of "trauma" as "helplessness" here. Magical thinking can help impose a feeling of organization where there is chaos and loss of any sense of significance. There was a lot of magical thinking going around in the gritty, depressed town where I'm from, and I often thought it was because of the persistent economic pressure. It's relatively normal for kids to be susceptible to spooky ideas, but many of the adults were also full of ghost stories and superstitions. I have one very sensible friend who is smarter than I am, who grew up there too, and we often reflect on this, which helps me know that this isn't strictly an idea I have due to my own social choices. My friend doesn't live in that town anymore either, but she's always digging up interesting stuff related to it, and one day she showed me the website of someone there offering his services as a paranormal investigator. He was in his 20s, and the site included a lot of unconvincing photos and a long, vigorous testimonial by the guy's mom. Part of me was dying to put it on tumblr, but it would only have resulted in unnecessary cruelty. I was as much a victim of magical thinking as anybody, and I think even when I was pretty young I was aware of what motivated me to be so naive and gullible: that a world full of ghosts and vampires and UFOs and such was preferable to what I normally experienced, which was a consistent sense of boredom and meaninglessness and drudgery and embarrassment and pain and suffocation in an ugly, flavorless universe whose nicer side was not going to be available to me. I had a lot of really damaging friendships with manipulative assholes and pathological liars because I was so very willing to believe the crazy things they told me, just in case any of them were true, because such a truth could change my whole life.

Sometimes I think it's amazing that I never wound up in a cult, although I guess those relationships were sort of like little one- or two-person cults. Once in a while I read about some crime involving young people who think they're vampires or something, and I have a deep feeling of pity, because I think I know what they were going through (except for the part where they think they can do whatever they want to other people). The sad story of Shanda Sharer involves a whole group of badly abused and underprivileged teens, some of whom thought they were witches or vampires, and it just makes so much sense to me that they would be overtaken by these fantasies of secret meaning and power. Recently I watched Bad Vegan on Netflix, something that I avoided at first because I thought it was just about rich douchebags humiliating each other--which is like, what else is new--and to some degree it is, but actually it's way more disturbing than that. Ambitious young raw food entrepreneur Sarma Melngailis was manipulated, isolated, and ultimately kidnapped by this sadistic freak who preyed first on her loneliness and financial fears by pretending to be a rich suitor who could solve all of her problems; then he preyed upon her feelings of personal insignificance and failure by convincing her that he and she had been selected by a cabal of extraterrestrial illuminati who would make them immortal. Sarma seemed completely broken down to me, and I was amazed by her courage in describing the scam she fell for, that she must have known would invite derision. Part of the documentary explores her youth as a kid who always believed she could become something special, and then mundane tragedies like her parents' divorce brought her back down to earth in a painful way, and it seemed like she spent the rest of her life haunted by the idea that she might just be an ordinary failure of a person. I think that's part of what made her so vulnerable to this psychopath, that he was able to access her secret dream of having a special destiny. I got one of my friends to watch the show and she was very frustrated by it because she just couldn't figure out what Sarma's problem was that would cause her to ever believe the things she was told. I tried to reiterate what I've said here, but it didn't seem to mean anything. Ironically this friend is a practicing witch with formal beliefs in the supernatural, including that people can awaken special powers within themselves, but I guess one man's magical thinking is just um not another man's magical thinking.

I still have a lot of magical thinking going, but it doesn't have the same character it once did. I tend to think of it more as "symbolic thinking"; I have a hard time accessing senses of meaning and hope, let alone any kind of self-belief, and sometimes symbolic gestures and concepts can provide that access better than my own direct, practical attempts ever could. It helps that I have a basic agnosticism about the invisible structures of the world, like it's easy for me to believe that there is more to life than what comes in through the five senses, even if I don't pretend to know entirely what that "more" is. That may help me believe that "anything is possible" and I shouldn't give up, even if I direly want to and I know I'm being kind of irrational. Magical thinking can be a double-edged sword, but maybe it's better than nothing.

[knightyoomyoui]

The 1% Of Chances | TWICE Jeongyeon x Male Reader Fanfic : CHAPTER 12 (FINALE)

After more than a year, this book is now officially closing with this finale chapter. Find out the rest of the twists to be unveiled and if these will all end in a positive... or a negative note. Thank you everyone again to those who read, voted, and added The 1% Of Chances on their reading lists!

1 MONTH LATER

Your recovery from your injuries has been massively smooth and progressive, thanks to the guidance from your doctors and your friend Somin, who were there for you every day, just as he said. Although you cannot move properly like a regular person would do yet, nevertheless it is a relief that you can see that your body is healing from all the damages it took from your accident.

Speaking of accidents, it may be perplexing and surprising to you to learn that you really did get involved in that which led you into this state, but you just let it pass rather and call it like it indeed was true. The doctor advised that you must stress your brain too much from remembering everything, and so you followed.

What also helped you from working patiently on your recovery aside from Somin was the other visitors you just had recently, which shocked you because you weren’t expecting that you had developed friendship this much to numerous people.

Eight women entered your room and respectfully greeted you before they began to introduce themselves one by one to you. You learned that you all met them because of some "acquaintance,” which also implicated Somin for that part. As you take a look at each of them, you are pretty impressed yourself that you got yourself surrounded by decent and gorgeously looking set of women here.

The last one who approached you, named Nayeon, wished you good luck and shared with you that they’re actually nine, but that one more person isn’t present because she’s unfortunately not available right now.

It had you feeling a bit disappointed and sad that maybe this girl was probably the least one you’re close with; that’s why she doesn’t bother her that much to visit you, but Nayeon reassured you with the idea that “If only she can be here, she’s definitely the first person who will come up to meet you and receive her utmost concern.”

You then developed the hope that you'd eventually run across this last woman someday and kept it in your mind that you'd pursue for it once you finally healed from your injuries. Thanking them all for spending their allotted time to pay a visit to their friend despite knowing that you may not remember them yet, but their thoughtfulness for you as your friends was highly recognized.

With additional motivation and encouragement, that effectively lifts you up to continue the passion of going back to your feet in much stronger and healthier condition than before.

You ate a balanced meal, did some mild exercises, took some meditation, and spent some time with your friend as he slowly brought back some buddy and personal stories you had missed.

A doctor also assigned you to a therapist to aid you in bringing back that function of your brain to recover all those traces of your memories that may have gone blocked due to the damages it suffered.

You attended every session with Dr. Han, and her instructions and advice were beneficial , and it made you concentrate deeper on controlling and monitoring the limits of your brain to reinstate all the important memories that were hopefully temporarily forgotten.

At your last scheduled appointment with her, you reported to her about the improvements you were feeling, and she also did the same evaluation of you, in which you were proud that she knew that you had done great on rebuilding yourself into the YN that everybody knew. She also congratulated you that your injuries were now almost completely healed, and tomorrow you can now be sent out and go home with your friend, who has too much already to take care of you.

Before you and her ended your consultation, the doctor noticed your silence while she’s rearranging her desk. She found you staring somewhere at nothing, seemingly fixated on whatever caught your attention.

“Mr. LN, are you good? ”She asked, glancing at you as she watched you just sit there without any movement at all. Your face has this mix of fascination and impression written on it. Thankfully, your doctor’s gentle voice was enough to cut you back from dozing off fromyour senses. With a shudder, you turned to face the doctor, your eyes blinking quickly, and you felt disoriented. “I'm fine, Doc. Sorry,” you apologized as you rubbed the bridge of your nose and breathed slowly. Forcing a smile at her, she just took one more check on you before you shyly avoided her stares at you, roaming around the room as if you’re reminiscing about something.

Bingo, that’s what the doctor had crossed into her mind, making her figure out the change in your behavior. “Something’s making you unstable? ”

“Ahh… a little bit, I guess.” You feigned a chuckle. “I still couldn’t believe I had these. Treatments, comatose, injuries… it still hasn’t struck me well that I went through all of those.”

“YN, as I said… confusions is one of the main symptoms of people who were having amnesia. You don’t know what to believe, to trust, or to comprehend yet… because what you seem to be feels more convincing than what everybody tells on you, since you couldn’t rememberly entirely about any of those.” She recapped.

“I know, doc… but I’m not confused anymore.” You corrected.

“Then what do you feel?”

“Surreal? Was that the term?” You asked for clarification. “Like, I’m having this feeling that… I wasn’t suppose to be like this at all.”

“You didn’t deserved to be in that accident, Mr. LN.”

“And neither did somebody who he t got hospitalized whether its little less than that or not.”

The doctor furrowed her brows. “Did you unlocked another core memory just now, YN?”

“I don’t know, I hope it is.. because it felt so real.” You shrugged and sighed. “I had it right after I woke up from coma ever since, and just thinking about it still almost making me question what it truly is… because it gave me the feeling of being safe and… important.”

“Give me more of what you’re trying to tell, YN. Why does it feel so important for you to remember?”

“Because I was in love?” You gazed at the doctor. “There’s this girl in my dreams while I was in coma. I couldn’t remember her face anymore but… everything she’s been saying and doing to me, I sensed some fear in those. A fear of losing a loved one away from you.

And now that i couldn’t remember who she is… it’s a mystery to me, you know? Who is this person that appeared in my dreams, that’s making me take this accident I’ve had lightly because it’s as if she knows that… I’ll do better once I recover. Do you think she… means something to me?”

The doctor took some time to put the details piece by piece before she took the turn to speak in her response. “That question is now up for you to discover, YN. Whoever that girl is, has made you feel special, and you were holding her in that reserved spot to your heart. Actually, dreams that feels too real, some says that it was a foreshadowing that something that will happen or rather, something that did occurred before.

I couldn’t help you anymore to revisit that particular dream you just had to discover if that moment is bound to be real or she’s just a part of your fantasy that you wish to be real,, but just so you know… no matter what that dream is trying to tell you, if you have the chance to meet who may that girl is, make sure that you take it, okay?”

You nodded at the recommendation that was given to you and you thanked her for sharing her thoughts about it. After exiting the room, you joined Somin who has finished paying the remaining hospital bills, send your overwhelming gratitude for the doctors and nurses involved on your recovery.

Riding the car, Somin closed the door and took the wheels while you sat beside him. Seeing you wandering around the surroundings outside, Somin had a smile on his face, still thankful and happy that his friend is back all too well.

“You good, YN?”

“I am. Good to be back, honestly. I feel free again.” You said while peeking at the hospital’s structure between the tall, old trees, dozens of cars parked and a bright morning.

“Take it all in, bro.” He smirked and patted your shoulder before he focuses on driving yourselves back to the place where you can resume your rest peacefully.

Almost half an hour later, you and Somin reached your place safety. He escorted you out with your crane and propped his body to lean against him while both were slowly walking towards the door of your house.

“Welcome aboard, this is our humble abode, YN.” He patted the couch as we walked passed it. “Just sit there and relax, don’t move too much. You can tell me what do you want and I’ll just hand it to you.”

You listened to him and slowly sank your body into the soft cushions. You leaned your back on the headboard and stared at the ceiling. Somin then came out of his room and went to the kitchen rummaging for something on those shelves.

“Do you want to eat?” he exclaimed.

“Nah, I’m not hungry yet.”

“Oh sure. How about water?”

You paused for a moment to contemplate. “Uhm, that will do. I’m kinda thirsty.”

Somin grabbed the pitchel inside the refrigerator and poured your glasses full with the said drink. After emptying it and releasing a sigh of contentment. Dropping the glass on the table, you said out something that Somin didn’t expect.

“Can you tour me around the house again?”

Somin looked at you perturbedly. “You sure? You should go and rest-”

You shook your head and rose back on the couch, taking the crane with you. Somin noticed and attentively assisted you. “I’m not that tired anyway. I just want to test if I’ll get something today. Can we?”

Somin sighed and nodded. “Alright, but if you can’t yet, we’ll try it the other day.”

You made Somin lead the way. He then starts narrating to you some of the memorable things that happened in the living area. For example, you were known for being a video game enthusiast, and the proof he has is those sets of PS5 with different games organized neatly underneath the TV.

He would then share that he once caught you sleeping on the couch while the game was paused and your controller was in your hands. That’s why he was instead the one who continued the progress of the game on your behalf.

“Next one is here, the kitchen. You were mostly the one in charge of cleaning the dishes but you’re still good at cooking, although I’m actually the one who leads for us.” He said as he lets you look around at what do you both have in this section. “We rarely let our supplies ran out for more than a day, when it comes on going for the groceries, it’s either you and i who will go as long as one of us is available here in the house.”

“Have I burnt a food once?”

“Almost, but your food set is limited so it’s a seldom that you can overcook something that you know how to.”

“Well that’s good to hear.” You were relieved to know that you didn’t caused a hindrance before.

You and Somin then left the kitchen and went through the another room. He opened the door and flicked the switch, the lights went on to illuminate the area. A bed, cabinet, chair, and a desk was the first thing that gets upon you.

“Here’s my room, all I know that you have a memory here is that you came barging onto my room because you were mad that I ate that leftover food that you spared on the fridge. We almost got into a fight there because you entered in such a bad timing.

“What were you doing at that time I complained?”

“I was stressed at the piled up papers I have to input datas and calculate them but then my computer decided to act like shit and here you came to follow and do the same.” He rolled his eyes. You just laughed a little at how funny it sounded.

“Oh so you’re an accountant?”

“Yup. Numbers and asserting datas is my life.” He said.

“Oh…”

“Anything clicks up so far?”

“Not yet.” You shook your head.

Somin nodded and tightlipped. “Okay, let’s go for one more… I bet this one might help you even just for a bit.”

Somin did the same from his room and now he lets me be the one to enter first as he shows me what’s inside. “I suspect it’s my room?”

“Gotcha. I don’t know much what were you doing here, but I can remember when you became sick and I was the one who feed you here.” He said as he sat on your bed while he lets you explore around at your belongings displayed throughout the walls and corners of the room.

“Did I had a job?”

“Almost. Well about that you were accepted at-”

Somin paused when he saw you staring at some posters pasted on the wall beside your window. He waited for something like a reaction but you remained frozen in your spot. He then approaches you from behind.

“What happened, YN?”

“N-nothing, I was like… surprised to have these here.” You said. “Aren’t they the ones who visited me two days ago?”

You were pertaining to those faces of nine girls in the poster of More And More as part of those TWICE merch that you have in your room. You also observed the posters and it was very clear that these girls are familiar to them.

“They’re my friends, right? They look popular, Somin.”

Somin nodded. “They’re not just some regular people you’re friends with, YN. They’re part of a K-Pop group that is highly recognized not only here in South Korea but to the rest of the world now too.” He told you. “Their group is called TWICE. One of the things that you love the most is listening to music, man. K-Pop is not an exception to those and listening to them made you became one of their huge fans.

And about what I was about to tell you about your job? You almost got accepted in their company if only you attended the final interview.”

“A-almost?”

“That’s the time you got into an accident.” he revealed.

“B-but how did I became f-friends with them?”

“One of the members is my cousin. You must remember her, don’t you?” He then pointed at the woman sitting at the right side with all white dress and short hair.

“That’s the bunny looking girl, right?”

“Yeah, she’s Nayeon. She’s my cousin. And we’re the reason how did you met them. Quite a luck you got in me, right?” You smirked and playfully bumped your shoulder in which you smiled.

“I’ve seen them already…” you then pointed at every members and Somin calls out their names again for you to practice memorizing them.

“The orange-hair is Sana, the blue one’s Dahyun, that blonde on the bottom is Mina and on the top is Momo, the pink one is Jihyo, standing behind her is Chaeyoung and beside Momo was Tzuyu.” He said.

“Then who’s this?” You pointed at the last remaining woman Somin haven’t named yet. She was wearing an all black dress and a blonde hair just like Mina and Momo.

“Oh… her?” Somin hesitated. “Uhm… her name is Jeongyeon. She’s the one who wasn’t able to visit you when you were at the hospital.”

“Ahh… so she’s a friend too?”

Somin looked at you with a pity, which you didn’t catched as you looked at her more through all the posters you have. He remained silent, left your question hanging.

“I haven’t seen her yet, but she’s the most familiar out of all of them.”

Somin widened his eyes. “Y-you do?”

“Yeah. My interest piques mostly at her. It’s as if inside of me… knows something.”

“That’s because she’s your bias, YN.” He revealed to you with a forced smile. You were amazed to learn about it and returned your sight at Jeongyeon. Somin then muttered about something and lowered his head.

“I think I had a great pick. She’s beautiful.” You smiled as you stared at her face until you suddenly felt stinging pain in your head. “A-agh…”

“YN? Hey, how you’re feeling?”

“I-it’s hurting.” You said as you hold your head tightly.

“Alright, that’s enough. Let’s get you back there.” He said as he helped you walk carefully.

2 MONTHS AND 2 WEEKS LATER

You and Somin were buying some food from the recession area of the KSPO dome, where you both are going to watch TWICE’s 5th World Tour ‘Ready To Be’ concert's kickoff.

Through these past few months, you began to recollect some of your lost memories with Somin and yourself, and you also began to recognize the girls that you were going to watch in support today. You also found yourself to love some of the hobbies and favorites of yours that you temporarily haven't been able to do to entertain yourself at least at home.

There may have been tough times when your head just started throbbing painfully, but it was still worthwhile in the end because the return it gave you just gave you the advantage of slowly remembering everything you'd lost that held significance to you.

You were waiting for Somin to finish buying your preferred snacks. You then looked at the things you’re holding with you to pass the short time. You lit the lightstick in your hand and played with it. The glowing colors were reflecting on the huge bubblehead fan of Jeongyeon, which you are also gripping.

Yes, even after understanding again your love for their music, it still hasn’t changed that Jeongyeon was still the one who won your interest. You proclaimed her as your bias, and there, you wished that you wanted to see her at least again at the concert.

Since she’s technically you and Somin’s friend too, he had no choice but to comply with your request.

After he returned with the snacks in his possession, you and him then searched for your seats. The view of the KSPO dome with all the lightsticks flickering is a sight to behold, and your anticipation and excitement to experience it again increase. The chants began to erupt, and sing-alongs resonated throughout the arena as the countdown began for the show to start.

And when it does, you were left at awe and chills to watch the capability of your friend’s talents. They’re so perfect to be idols and you couldn’t help but to be proud of their massive achievements and popularity, that despite through all of these, they still remained to be humble and considerate for their fans.

However, your eyes were mostly fixated at how Jeongyeon flawlessly perform, in which the fans lauded it with their chants saying that they’re so glad that she’s back and that she still got it, in which you don’t quite understand what they mean by that.

Hours have passed and the concert concluded with their first city to tour. It was such an incredible moment to add on those new memories you have to install on your mind. You and Somin then exit the arena after taking some pictures.

“Aren’t we going to meet them?” You asked him.

“Later. They’ve set some dinner later on to celebrate their first show’s success and Nayeon just texted me that we’re invited. Their security is very strict for these events so I guess we better just follow her.” Somin replied.

That night, you and Somin arrived at the said hotel where TWICE is staying in for a while before they relocate again to Canada. Both then met Nayeon and Jihyo who were waiting for them at the lobby.

They also greeted you with delight, expressing how they feel uplifted seeing you doing well after your recovery.

“Uhm, Somin? Can I go to the restroom first?”

“Yeah sure, but hurry up will you? I need you here before we log in.”

“Okay.”

You left the three falling in line on the reception area and did your break on one of the cubicles. After relieving yourself and checked your look for tonight, not wanting to look horrendous except from the scar in your head that you took from the accident.

As you about to exit the men’s restroom with quick steps, you didn’t realized that you just bumped into somebody due to your clumsiness of looking at the floor instead of focusing on the direction you’re heading with.

Thankfully, to your quick reflex, you managed to catch the person before fully crashing on the floor. As you observed who it is, it was a slap of shame to your face that it was a woman you almost hurt.

“Oh my God… I’m so sorry!” You said as you traced her frantically while holding her back. You helped her stand up by raising her with both arms and you heard her groan while readjusting her dress.

“It’s fine, you didn’t mean it but please watch where you’re going.” As she raises her head on you, her face became evident to your sight. It resulted for you to be dumbstrucked and stunned standing in front of this woman.

“Y-you’re Jeongyeon, right?” You asked.

“You got it right, mister.” She forced a smile on you and was about to walk away from you but then you came up to add something to say.

“So you’re my friend?”

Jeongyeon stopped on her steps and slowly spun her body to face you. She found it different to be assumed by somebody other than she’s a celebrity or an idol because of her image as a TWICE member. “Friend?”

“I-I'm sorry. You may not have known me, but my f-friend knows you. He’s the cousin of Nayeon, and he told me that you were my friend too, just like them.” You started to become a bit awkward telling this to her as you observed her reaction being weird or puzzled.

“Sorry, I’ll stop. Maybe I’m just wrong.” You were about to excuse yourself to get yourself away from the embarrassment you have just committed, sounding like a delusional.

But in your astonishment, you felt your sleeve getting tugged by her hand.

“Wait.” You looked back at her, and your gap became closer to one another. Jeongyeon stared at your face as you did the same. Your heart then started to react uncontrollably, beating faster knowing you’re in contact with your bias in TWICE.

As for her, you don’t know that she’s feeling the same way too. Her fingertips contacting your touch felt like it ignited one spark through her veins across her heart to start burning up into an everlasting blast.

“I-I think I know what you mean.” She said. “Were you the one that Somin oppa mentioned to me? W-what your name again?”

“YN.”

“So i’m right, I do feel like I know you. They said you were my friend too. The closest, I must add.”

You nodded at her. “That’s what they also told me about you. Sadly, we didn’t met early when I got hospitalized. They said you weren’t able to come because you’re busy at something. I supposed it’s work so yeah… it is important.”

“It was important but no, honestly I was hospitalized too when they visited you.” She shared.

Without your knowledge, the one who is occupying the van who bumped hardly onto you and your motorcycle was her. She was also involved in the accident as yours, although less critical than you, hers also suffered the fate as your are dealing with.

She also had amnesia just like you. She couldn’t remember your face at all, she barely can remember your name, that she was a close individual of you, and…

… she loved you just as much as you once loved her.

You and Jeongyeon had your feelings developed for one another but your fates didn’t allowed you to discuss about it and definitely would led to both of you becoming couples, if only if wasn’t to some uncertainties that holds both of you back. Instead, it all got erased in your memories, unfortunately; for a permanent period of time. That’s one of those memory traces that both of you lost forever.

When Jeongyeon recognized that it was you in front of their van, she was about to open the window and shout for you but then the truck interrupted and collided on the van, which harshly sent her bumping hard onto the backseat with her head hit strong on the frame of the door. That’s all she can remember just as you who has also remember now how did you got into accident.

You were taken at the hospital in the same place as hers, but she recovered way earlier because she didn’t suffered much injuries as you. She wasn’t allowed to get out that much of the room, but then her friends and Somin who has visited in her room to introduce himself as one of his friends has mentioned that they were also visiting this guy named YN who is also her friend.

She wanted to meet him but they decided that not for now as it would be hard for the both while going through their conditions. That’s why she waited patiently to recover, with the means of opportunity to meet you someday as well. She was also the one who came up with the excuse that she’s gone due to work concerns, because she doesn’t want you to get worried thinking about her that she also got hospitalized as you too.

“I didn’t wanna have them tell it to you because I don’t want you to feel bad for me. I wanted you to think of yourself first.”

“But are you doing well now?” You asked her.

“Yeah, I am.” She nodded.

“Good for you.”

“Are you as well?”

“Much better than before.” You answered. “Now that I got to finally see you, yeah.”

She chuckled. “What is that? Are you perhaps hitting on me?”

You felt guilty at the misunderstanding of your actions. “N-no! I mean… I just felt l-like… we’ve met each other before. Like recently, but I couldn’t describe how it happened. That’s why I wanted to see you again, and I’m glad I did.”

Jeongyeon considered your reasoning. “It’s nice to meet you again, YN.” She then went beside and held your hand with her, much to your startleness. “Looks like they’re out there, huh. They may be waiting for us, come on.”

She doesn’t know why she chose to hold your hand, but her heart is somehow telling her that it fits around her and your touch felt so pleasant she would like to have it on repeat.

While walking together at the hallway, an idea popped in your head as you looked at your hands clasped at each other and her charming side-profile in view.

“Jeongyeon.”

“Yes?”

“About your question, if I think twice about it… would you mind me to have some more of this?.

She knew what you meant, conscious at your glances and that slight squeeze of your hand on hers. She just grinned and effortlessly hid her blush from you.

Back at your conversation with your therapist, she also followed up a message to give an advice for you in dealing with the anxiety of searching for that woman who then became the subject of your dreams.

("Whether unexpected or predicted, circumstances can 100% occur life, possibilities might be 50% each to happen positively or not, and if you get the 1% of chances for something that you believe is almost impossible to occur in reality, better take the rare opportunity quickly.”)

“There you are, YN…” Somin stopped when he saw what emerged from the distance and looked at the oblivious Jihyo and Nayeon. “S-she’s…?”

“We didn’t know she would follow us. I suppose she went to accompany us as well when she heard we were picking you guys up from the managers.”

As they returned from the group, they were touched and glad to see you both getting along already, especially Nayeon and Somin who were got proven as they remembered what they agreed upon and shared it to the rest.

(“No need. We’re neither telling it to each of them.” Nayeon suggested.

“W-why?”

Nayeon lured her gaze away and spoke.

“My guts is telling me that we’ll leave it up to them once they meet.”

“What makes you think that they’ll recognize each other?”

“Jeongyeon loves YN and so as his loyalty for her. Even if their mind forgets themselves, their heart won’t… and it can create a whole new beginning for them to finally settle their feelings.”)

[beezusvreeland]

dear reader - chapter 1

summary: Miguel took the reader’s love and friendship for granted. Something he learns reading her column, when it’s too late…Or is it?

ship: miguel o'hara x f!reader // matt murdock x reader

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Chapter 1

The tears falling from your eyes should be happy ones. It was a huge accomplishment, a dream you never thought would come true. You got a scholarship to attend the University of Edinburgh summer writing course. Almost two months of writing and learning for free in a city you’ve wanted to visit long before Outlander was even a thing.

You would have the opportunity to focus on your writing while exploring the town that inspired so many writers before you. It was all you ever wanted.

Yet you were laying down on your bedroom floor, all the lights off in your apartment, the outfit you spent so much time trying to find (and so much money to buy) still on your body. You felt paralyzed. No heartbreak has ever felt like that before, not even the ones also caused by Miguel.

When people asked you what type of relationship the two of you had, you just answered friends. It was easier, usually killing any follow up questions. You know that was his answer too, you’ve heard it before. His tone, however, was much different than yours. Miguel would play it down, as if it was a ridiculous question, more ridiculous than the idea that the two of you could be more to each other.

But friends don’t go home together after the bar closes late at night, laughing and whispering, drunk on more than the drinks you had. Friends don’t flirt with each other crossing all the lines, just to leave you hanging, wondering to yourself if you imagined the whole thing, if you saw more than it actually was.

But also, regardless of any time of messiness, friends don’t bail on each other at the last minute, making up some excuse which you can quickly find out is a lie.

“Is mr. O’Hara joining us anytime soon?”, the waiter asked you politely. It was obvious you had never gone to such a nice restaurant, but it was a celebration. You wanted to dress up and share your news with the person you cared about the most. Earlier you had been so excited you barely slept, hoping that things went smoothly, that maybe a change of scenery reminded him of what the two of you could be.

You had been waiting for an hour, sipping from the least expensive soft drink on the menu, when Miguel sent you a monosyllabic text saying something happened at Alchemax. Your body was familiar with that disappointment. Miguel was a prolific scientist, head of the biotechnology and genetics department, always doing important work. Things that could actually save people’s lives. You were so proud of him, but couldn’t help feeling sad. You scheduled the dinner almost a week prior, checking in with him several times during the week to make sure he could go.

On the Uber home, you tried not to think about the pang in your chest so much. You opened Instagram and scrolled for a bit, then started watching some stories, without paying much attention. Until you saw him. It was his assistant’s, Lyla, profile. The video showed people singing happy birthday to someone called Scott. There was Miguel. You recognized a few faces from Alchemax, but couldn’t for the life of you remember any Scott — and Miguel loved telling you all the company gossip. Next story, still from Lyla: people dancing to “Party in the USA”, by Miley Cyrus. Far back, Miguel said something in a woman’s ear. It was Dana, a pretty brunette with short hair, brilliant like Miguel and also crazy for him, which you couldn’t blame her for. In the video, she hands Miguel a bottle of beer. He then kisses her.

You loved Miguel O’Hara, was there for him every single time he called and waited years for him to realize you were the one for him. The soul crushing truth was that he never would. The only time you asked for him, where all he had to do was show up, he didn’t. He went to some random guy’s birthday instead of being there for you. There was your answer.

*** “C’mon now”, Miguel flexed his back, a red drink in his hand. “You know I don’t kiss and tell, buddy.”

“I think you and pretty Dana have been doing more than just kissing and that’s what you ain’t telling”, Hobie had a smirk on his face.

Pavirt approached the group holding two beers.

“Two beers? Are you in a rush, mate?”

Pav took a breath, trying to open one bottle without letting the other slip from his hands.

“You know, I should have, it’s packed today and it’s not even game day”, Pav looked around The Bar, the place Miguel and his friends would go to after work almost every day.

Miguel preferred the nice bars downtown, but after going to The Bar a few times to meet Hobie, the place started to grow on him. It had been years and The Bar just got bigger and better. Apparently he wasn’t the only one who noticed, the place was becoming such a staple that now there were lines to come in. Thankfully, Foggy, the owner, always made sure to find a spot for his “day ones”.

“Passing through, passing through!”, Gwen made her way to the group, followed by a tall guy with glasses who looked slightly disoriented.

“Am I seeing right?”, Miguel pointed at the man, who smiled back at him. “If it isn’t Peter B motherfucking Parker!”

“How many of these have you drunk?”, Peter approached his friend, giving him a hug. “Oh shit, he is hugging me back, this is really serious!”

Miguel laughed, patting Peter’s back. He had no idea how many drinks he had at that point. They were all just so red and sweet.

“Friends, this is Pete, a friend of mine and Gwen’s from college.”

Hobie and Pav nodded at Peter, who smiled at them.

“What are you doing here, buddy? Haven’t seen you since your Daily Bugle days.”

Gwen had taken the second beer from Pav’s hand and opened it. “I found him wandering around like a lost puppy”, she pointed at Peter.

“I spent some time abroad, now I’m back in the city, taking photos here and there”, Peter shrugged, looking uncomfortably at Hobie, who was squeezing his eyes and seemed to be whispering something to himself.

“Hobie, are you ok there, pal?”, Gwen asked, arching one of her eyebrows.

“The math isn’t mathing”, he answered.

“How much have you drunk?”, Pav asked his friend.

“Just a bit, smoked a lot though”, Hobie was still analyzing. “There is someone missing…where is y/n?”

Miguel’s eyes widened. “Shit, I was supposed to reschedule this thing with her”, he grabbed his phone from his pocket, struggling to type his password correctly.

“Don’t bother”, Gwen told him. Her arms were crossed and she glared at him while taking a sip of beer.

Miguel realized he was indeed very drunk and confused. He noticed Gwen hadn't looked at him since she arrived, but he hadn’t thought anything of it at first. He felt weird, like he was being reprimanded for something.

“What do you mean?”, Miguel’s brows furrowed.

“As we speak, she is flying across the pond.”

“Oh, shit, already?”, Hobie sobered up for a moment.

“What is the time difference again?”, Pav asked.

“What are they talking about?”, Miguel froze. They were speaking as if she was far away. They were speaking as if they already knew she was going far away.

“She got the Edinburgh summer writing program scholarship. She left tonight”, Gwen answered.

“I don’t remember her saying anything about it.” Miguel wondered if you were mad at him because of the dinner and didn’t tell him because of that. You would do that sometimes, ice him out. That annoyed him, but you were more affected by it than him. He was always able to charm his way out of it.

“Of course you heard, mate, c’mon, she took you to dinner to celebrate”, Hobie sounded frustrated.

“Which didn’t even make sense, if anything, you should have taken her out to celebrate”, Pav added, giving Miguel an exasperated look.

“I canceled the dinner, something came up at work.” Miguel looked at his feet, still confused, but feeling the weight of the guilt.

He looked up, only to find Gwen’s eyes, full of anger and disappointment. She knew he was full of shit. Miguel wondered how she would even know…unless you knew it too.

“¡Mierda!”

“I take it your friend is a writer, then. That’s really cool”, Peter said to Gwen, Pav and Hobie. “She writes fiction?”

“Non fiction, mostly”, Gwen answered, her expression softening. She was so proud of you. Your writing barely paid your bills and less people were reading nowadays, but you took your art seriously, refusing to give up such an important part of yourself. “She is a freelance writer these days. She just published a profile of Mary Jane Watson, the actress who’s all the buzz on Broadway, in Bliss magazine.”

“Wait, that is the y/n you are friends with?”, Peter got excited. “God, I love her interviews. Honest to God, I cried when she told Mary Jane that it’s ok to express your opinions, that they can be fleeting and not set in stone.”

“Ugh, I love that part!”, Pav agrees, putting his hand on his chest.

“Did you read it, Miguel?”, Peter asked gently. He was clearly trying to light up the mood, Miguel kind of hated him for that. Peter didn’t even know you and seemed to know so much about you already.

“No”, Miguel answered coldly.

“Miguel refuses to spend US$ 5 on the paywall”, Gwen snorted.

“Buddy…aren’t you, like, rich?”, Peter looked at him.

“That’s how he stays rich, alright!”, Hobie clapped, drawing the attention of the people around them.

“What the fuck…?”, Miguel’s head started to throb. It might’ve been the drinking, but he had the impression his friends were ganging up on him. It was annoying. Especially because they were (mostly) right. “I’m not paying that for an article”, he grunted.

“It’s a subscription!”, Gwen rolled her eyes, growling. “It’s a way to support the writer's and editor’s work, so y/n can keep writing profiles, think pieces and her great col…her great work”, Gwen corrected.

While the group kept discussing what they had been reading lately, Miguel tried his password on his phone a few more times, eventually getting it right. He was pretty sure Gwen was about to say you had a column, so he typed bliss magazine + column. The first result was “dear reader: the advice you didn’t know you needed”. He clicked on the link: the pop up alerting that the content was behind paywall appeared.

***

Dear reader,

I’m a firm believer in the power of words. It’s what moves me and what both excites and terrifies me about writing this column. The same word can be heartfelt or cutting, it all depends on the delivery. Speaking out loud can be just as important of a tool as listening attentively to what people have to say.

I guess I have spent so much time looking for words, either from myself or others, that I haven’t always paid attention to actions. They matter too. There is a lot of meaning in what is left unsaid. If the actions don’t match a person’s words, it’s time to take a step back and think deeply about it.

That’s a lesson I learned too late. I wanted someone so badly I was willing to accommodate it all, the excuses, the absences and the stolen glances that never led nowhere. It took me years and many mornings waking up by myself to realize that if he wanted to, he would. It seems obvious, but things are so much more complicated with matters of the heart.

And our hearts are precious, no matter what others say. So, in truth to my words, I decided to share a big accomplishment in my life with people who I knew would celebrate me and recognize what this goal means to me. And in truth to my actions, I’m on my way to a big adventure.

When your heart breaks, there is only so much you can do. I’m doing it.

Protect yours and remember, never take advice from someone who’s falling apart.

Love, The writer

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>> chapter 2

all chapters

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dear diary playlist

[theerurishipper]

Hey I have a question I read some takes that Adrien is a supposedly good liar? How though are there any examples..I always just assumed people never put two and two together with his identity is because he doesn't connect much with the class nor does Gabriel so it made sense in my head. I'm sorry if I don't actually make sense I just assumed that if even one of the classmates kept getting closer with him maybe he'll open up. I thought that'd be Nino but like I feel that he's so much more closer to his girlfriend and with Kagami that scene where she backed him into the wall and she said that wasn't the real him when he did goofy poses made me uncomfortable and sad for him. Marinette kind of disappoints me as a love interest like that time he was in the park on the bench and she decided that this was the perfect time to give him a present made me annoyed like I understood she has such a huge admiration for the guy and will climb mountains for him but I thought she'd get past that and they'd have like a one on one you know a talk. Usually the love interest would start to bond and grow closer but like I feel she's more into the relationship for herself because of this whole fantasy she builds up in her head it's why their relationship kind of a bummer.

I don't think Adrien that hard to get him to open up to but again this is my own opinion. I don't know really I just feel if someone like a teacher, classmate or even Master Fu get him to open up more and more and they start to bond. I feel like all he wants is a relationship to not be so conditional if someone kind enough allowed him a shoulder to cry on or even acknowlege his habits or when he's in a bad mood I think it'd work I ain't sure though. I wish the dude had more male friends.

I don't really get why the classmates just think Gabriel a strict dude when he seems pretty abusive. Marinette especially she knows how strict he is especially in season 5 and the whole adrigami thing and even with Chloe mom lol I think abuse or parental abuse just doesn't register an actual thing in her mind which is weird lol.

I don't watch Miraculous religiously lol I just watch it sometimes so if my takes and memories are wrong please forgive me. I am so sorry for this being a long ask I ramble way to much.

No need to apologize anon! Feel free to ask me anything.

Personally, when I say that Adrien is a good liar, I don't mean lying in the traditional sense. He doesn't do a lot of actual lying (except when it comes to his secret identity), but it's more than he doesn't really reveal his true self to anybody. He doesn't fake his personality per se, but he only shows people the parts of himself that he thinks they will like because he's been conditioned to believe that he has to conform to everybody's expectations of him and be perfect for them. It's why Chat Noir is so different from Adrien Agreste™, because he's always performing in every part of his life. And putting on a mask at all times isn't the best way to connect on a deeper and intimate level with the people around him. I think Adrien's friendships with Nino and Kagami and everyone else is real, and whatever he shows them is genuine, but it's still not all of him, and he still feels the need to hide the parts of him that he feels they won't like. His relationship with Ladybug is an exception (obligatory until Season 4 disclaimer) because while he's still putting on a performance, it's not for the sake of pleasing her.

You mentioned his closeness with Nino, and I always felt that Adrien was more at ease with Nino than anyone save Plagg. He was more relaxed and at ease with Nino in like, Seasons 1 and 2, enough to show a little more of himself, and I got the sense that he was a little more open with Nino. Then Rocketear happened and Adrien pretty much shut down on that front and started to put on the mask even more, and their friendship never was the same after that.

The thing with Kagami is that she was right about Adrien. Chat Noir isn't his "true self," it's a persona based on him acting out in the way he's never allowed to as Adrien. And the model Adrien is a persona crafted based on the demands from his abusive father who expects him to be perfect. Kagami isn't able to see under Adrien's mask, but she's able to understand that he's putting on a front, and she wants him to quit it.

Marinette kind of disappoints me as a love interest like that time he was in the park on the bench and she decided that this was the perfect time to give him a present made me annoyed like I understood she has such a huge admiration for the guy and will climb mountains for him but I thought she'd get past that and they'd have like a one on one you know a talk. Usually the love interest would start to bond and grow closer but like I feel she's more into the relationship for herself because of this whole fantasy she builds up in her head it's why their relationship kind of a bummer.

This is exactly the problem I have with canon Adrienette. Marinette literally doesn't even know that Adrien is putting on an act, and she literally thinks he's perfect. It was so funny to me when Pretension made Gabe out to be so wrong and evil when he accused Marinette of falling wholesale for Adrien's performance, because Gabe was fucking right, damn it.

The problem is that the show never challenges Marinette's view of Adrien. She doesn't have to learn to look past his masks and see him for who he really is, he just up and tells her thanks to an Akuma's influence, and then he spends the rest of the time in Season 5 pursuing her, so she just gets handed her trophy boyfriend without having to put in the effort of getting to know him as a person. The show never wants Marinette to be inconvenienced by *checks notes* learning to see Adrien as a person, and it just wants her to get her dream relationship without an effort on her part to truly understand him. She's not much different from the rest of her class or any of Adrien's fans, because they all just see what they want to see and what he shows them. By virtue of them being the endgame, Marinette should have been special in that she tried to look past the masks to understand the real Adrien once she realized his "perfection" was a front and an act, but she didn't. She remained as delusional about him as she always was and got the relationship dropped in her lap. Thanks, I hate it.

I don't think Adrien that hard to get him to open up to but again this is my own opinion. I don't know really I just feel if someone like a teacher, classmate or even Master Fu get him to open up more and more and they start to bond. I feel like all he wants is a relationship to not be so conditional if someone kind enough allowed him a shoulder to cry on or even acknowlege his habits or when he's in a bad mood I think it'd work I ain't sure though. I wish the dude had more male friends.

I don't think it's that simple for him to break out years of being conditioned to conform to other people's needs, but the fact remains that, you know, no one even cares. Kagami was literally the only one who cared enough to try and understand him, and even she was made to spend Season 4 as Adrien's bitter ex (not Kagami salt, I love Kagami, this is just writing salt). The rest of the class admits in Felix that they don't really know him, and they never really seem to try to get to know him either. They do care about him, but not that much, you know? Everyone is honestly content to keep seeing him as the perfect guy, and no one tries to see the real him. Like I said, I feel like he was a little more open with Nino in the earlier seasons, and he's more open with Plagg, but that's about it. He was a little more open with Ladybug, but that also went down the drain in Season 4 because of the Ladynoir conflict. It took an Akuma for him to open up to Marinette. I don't blame anyone for falling for his act, but they clearly don't really care to get to know him either. I think you're right in a way, that he would be a little more willing to drop the act if someone tried to understand him, like Nino and Plagg. But no one cares, unfortunately.

I don't really get why the classmates just think Gabriel a strict dude when he seems pretty abusive. Marinette especially she knows how strict he is especially in season 5 and the whole adrigami thing and even with Chloe mom lol I think abuse or parental abuse just doesn't register an actual thing in her mind which is weird lol.

Tbf they don't know much about what goes on inside the Agreste household, and they are just kids, so I understand that they wouldn't be able to completely recognize what's going on with Adrien. But the show itself doesn't think Audrey and Gabriel are abusive, and Marinette is basically the mouthpiece for all that, hence the solution is that apparently Chloe and Audrey should just bond, and Adrien should be fed a lie that Gabriel is not a bad guy actually. Marinette seems to have a pretty black and white view of the matter, and since she comes from a loving home, it doesn't really register to her that parents can be so awful. But the show frames Marinette as in the right to push Chloe and Audrey together when what Chloe needs is to get the hell away from that abusive person. It tries to frame her as right for gaslighting Adrien into loving his abuser. It's pretty nasty stuff.

But that's just my opinion. Honestly, I think the best meta on this subject is this excellent post by @fearlessinger. It's a wonderful analysis, I highly recommend it.

Thank you for your ask!

[kalliyen]

“I’d Like That”

Pairing: Nishimura Riki x GN!Reader

Featuring: Nishimura Riki, Naoi Rei (IVE), JJ (Trainee A), Ta-ki (&Team)

Genre: Angst ➡️ Fluff

Reader’s Pronouns: Not specified

Warning: Slight profanity, Jealousy

Disclaimer: ⚠️ ONLY A WORK OF FICTION!

You’ve never felt this way before, never in your life have you wanted to scream and the top of your lungs out of pain and jealousy.

Okay, maybe that was a bit extreme. Let’s give some context.

Lately, your so called best friend, Nishimura Riki has been talking about nothing but your upperclassman Naoi Rei.

Sure she’s great and all, but could he just shut up about her for one minute?

Apparently not, because whenever he’d get the chance to chat with you, all he’d yap about was Rei.

How pretty she was, how nice she is, how much he idolizes her and wants to be close to her.

Which is all true, but Y/N would rather suck a toe than admit that to anyone.

So, to get away from Ni-ki and your jealous heart, you’ve decided to avoid him. And instead hang out with your other friends at school, Ta-ki and Jj.

“I mean, it’s really annoying. It’s like, the only convo topic we have now is Rei-san, it’s really pissing me off. Doesn’t he see that I have this massive crush on him? I’ve liked him ever since he moved here! And he’s only known Rei for like what, a month or two? I’m sick and tired of it. Sick and tired!”

You ramble on and on about how pissed you are while angrily eating your lunch, while all JJ and Taki could do was look at you, because god forbid someone pisses you off even more right now, they would get a massive ass beating.

Before you could let another word out. A tall presence sits down at your table. A…familiar presence.

You didn’t even have to look beside you to know it was the one and only Ni-ki.

“Hey guys! What’s your lunch today?” He let out cheerfully, with that wide smile that went from his cheeks to his eyes.

Oh how you lived that smile.

But being blinded with rage and jealousy, you couldn’t take it anymore. You couldn’t take the thought of the man you live with someone else.

Without another word, you got up, took your lunch, and left the cafeteria.

All week Ni-ki has been trying to connect with you, but you seem to not even care when he’s around. Which honestly, makes him feel a bit sad.

Ever since you’ve been friends with him since he moved here, he developed feelings for you, but was too scared to initiate anything more, since you probably thought of him as just a friend.

He couldn’t live like this, the love of his life not taking it acknowledging him made him go crazy, so he was determined to win you (and your heart) back.

Apparently, it was easier said then done. Because damn were you a fast walker. One moment Ni-ki, would recognize you and walk towards you, the next moment, you’re already gone. It’s like the wind took you or something.

But luckily, Ni-ki would have an idea where you were. At the school rooftop.

So he goes there. “Hey Y/N…Can I please please talk to you?” He asks in a low voice

Well shit, you can’t avoid him now. There’s no where to go. Unless you jump off the building roof, which you couldn’t, because it was blocked with barb wire.

“Fine Ni-ki. But make it quick I don’t want to be late for class.” You reply, looking at anyone but him.

“Are we okay? I mean, it’s like you don’t want to be with me anymore. You barely hang out with me and it’s making me pretty sad…did I do something to make you mad? Please tell me…” He says in a hushed tone.

‘Well. it’s now or never’ you thought. So you let everything out.

“Yes Ni-ki. Something is wrong. These past few weeks whenever I talk to you, all our conversations are about Rei. All you talk about is how cool and pretty she is, how you wanna be closer too her and all that shit! I’m sick and tired of it! Because I can’t stand the boy I like talking about someone else! Do you know how jealous it makes me feel? At this point just confess to her and move on from our friendship! Not like it matters to you anymore anyway.”

There. You said it.

Ni-ki just stood there. Stunned. He had a lot to process right now. You think he likes Rei? You think he wants to end your friendship? Hell no! If anything, he wants to make it more than a friendship! But most importantly, you like him..back?

“What..?” Is al he could muster up, and at this point, you were just getting ready to leave. You couldn’t handle the embarrassment anymore.

“Y/N wait.” He stops you. “First of all. I don’t want our friendship to end. Quite the opposite actually. Secondly, I don’t like Rei-senpai like that. I see her more as an older sister, and lastly. I like you too.”

So now both of you were standing there. Looking at each other. Waiting for someone to make a move.

“Really? You…don’t want our friendship to end?” You reply scarcely.

“Yes. I want it to be something more.”

“Like….romantic relationship?”

“Yes.”

“Okay…..”

“So will you let me be your boyfriend?”

“Yes, I’d like that” You end, with big smiles on both your faces.

“Oh shoot, we better get back to class-“

thanks for reading 😇 god i haven’t written in so long wtf

[leupagus]

OK I keep seeing these "Sassy keeps finding Ted when he's sad, she's a bad person for wanting to fuck him when he's down in the dumps"

And truly, are all the people reblogging this under 20? Because there's this weird infantilization of Ted going on, like he's some high schooler getting seduced by the teacher's assistant or something.

Ted is a middle-aged man going through some tough times. He is not being preyed on, he is not being harmed. He, like pretty much every allosexual man on the planet, enjoys sex; he specifically enjoys sex with Sassy.

Sassy is not some conniving bitch who's exploiting or otherwise hurting Ted. She, like pretty much every allosexual woman on the planet, enjoys sex; she specifically enjoys sex with Ted.

Please for the love of fucking god knock it off with this "She should leave Ted alone!" Ted does not want Sassy to "leave him alone," as evidenced by Ted telling Sassy something that he possibly hasn't even told Rebecca yet. True, it's clear he doesn't want a romantic relationship with her, but that feeling is mutual, and they are still GOOD FRIENDS WHO LIKE AND TRUST EACH OTHER. There is nothing unhealthy or unethical about their relationship; just because they fuck doesn't mean they owe or expect anything more — or less — than friendship.

This show has been very careful to make its relatively few female characters into whole, interesting, and mostly good people (with the possible exception of Jane, who is clearly written as an excuse for Phoebe Walsh and Brendan Hunt to improv their scenes together and go hog wild). Disliking some of them is fine, everyone's got different tastes. But making up an entire sinister reason for Sassy to want to fuck Ted other than "he's cute, he's sweet and he's hung like a horse" is weird. (Aside from which, what... exactly is Sassy's nefarious plan, here? Having a satisfying orgasm or three?)

Plus, the puritanical thread through this is creepy as fuck. Casual sex is not unhealthy! One-night stands are a fine way to live your life! Fucking your friend is not inherently manipulative or wrong! Because I tell you what, if I had a friend like Sassy (or Ted!) who offered to fuck me when I was down in the dumps? I would buy them a little award that said "BEST PAL EVER" or something.

[noisynaia]

Two Doors Down

[Frankie Morales x Reader]

summary: You are getting over a breakup and decide to go to your friend and neighbour Benny's house party.

word count: 2.6k 

rating: M

pairing: Fransisco "Catfish" Morales x f!reader 

note: Drinking and smoking. No use of (y/n). The reader uses she/her pronouns. This has not been beta-read and English is not my native language. Part 2

crossposted on my ao3

The Dolly Series Masterlist

My main masterlist

…Two doors down

They're laughing and drinkin', and having a party

Two doors down

They're not aware that I'm around   

Cause here I am

Crying my heart out, feelin' sorry while

They're having a party just two doors down…      

      

It’s dumb, you’re feeling so fucking dumb. Here you’re sitting, on your kitchen floor, crying over the end of a relationship that you should never have been in to begin with. You could, now in hindsight, see that your relationship with Lance had been shit. He had not treated you well, he never put in the same effort as you had, yet he was always jealous when you wanted to spend time with your friends. It has almost been two weeks since you had caught him cheating and simultaneously broken up with him. 

You had not been crying over it for many days now, but it had been a tough week at work and it is like everything that had happened just feels too much .  

Maybe that is what is the true reason for your tears, not the sadness from a broken heart, but the sadness of realising that you had wasted so much time and energy on a person who didn’t deserve it. You sit for a little longer trying to force the tears to stop, you don’t want to spend the rest of the night like this.     

You raise your right arm over your head and plant your hand on the kitchen counter, slowly pulling yourself up from the floor. Your head is aching after all the tears and you feel the need for a cigarette. You usually never smoke inside, always retreating to your balcony, but you allow yourself to make an exception, this one time, and settle for just opening your kitchen window and turning on the extractor hood before you lit your cigarette. You can hear the music through your open kitchen window. 

You had totally forgotten about Benny’s party, you had actually told him you would stop by. Well, you had told him you might stop by if you didn’t feel too shitty in the light of your recent breakup. Benny had been very supportive and  had volunteered to go kick Lance’s ass, which you honestly had been tempted to let him.   

Benny lives in the apartment two doors down the hall from you. The two of you have established a pretty good friendship, he is the only person on the floor around your age, most of the other residents in your building are older. You know Benny has wanted you to meet his brother and his friends, who are gonna be there, for some time now. You rub your hand over your damp eyes and take the last drag of your cigarette before putting it out, letting a bit of water rinse over it and throw the bud in the trash.

You go to your bedroom and swing your wardrobe doors open with a little more force than needed, looking over your clothing options. You pull out a couple of items before your eyes land on a bordeaux red slip dress that goes to your midthigh. You change out of your sweatpants to put on a pair of nylon tights. You fix your hair and apply a little makeup, trying to hide your tear-stained face as good as you can before grabbing a thin black cardigan. You refuse to keep spending your Saturday night sitting on your kitchen floor in self-pity.   

…I think I'll dry these useless tears

And get myself together

I think I'll wonder down the hall

And have a look around

'Cause I can't stay inside

This lonely room and cry forever

I think I really rather join 'em

Two doors down, yeah…

You take a deep breath before knocking on the door to Benny’s apartment. A few seconds go by before the door swings open. 

“You came!” A very happy Ben has opened the door, clearly at least a couple of beers into the night already. 

“I’m so glad you’re here!” He throws his arms around you, pulling you into a bone-crushing bear hug. “You feeling okay?” He asks, much quieter, as he lets you go. 

You nod, offering him a weak smile. You don’t want to admit to have been crying less than 30 minutes ago. He smiles back at you understandingly. 

“Let’s get you a drink!” He declares leading you through the crowded apartment to the kitchen. “I have someone I would like you to meet, also I need to prove to my brother that I don’t live in a retirement community.” He sighs at the last past, it must be something he has been teased with. 

Three men are standing by the kitchen counter, a blonde man that you just know must be Will, the resembling to Benny is clear. You are less sure about the two other men, they must be friends of Will. One man with a charming crooked smile, a few silver strands mixed with dark curls. A slightly taller man in a black hat, who is fidgeting with the beer bottle in his hand, not looking as comfortable as his companions.              

“So, this is my brother William and his friends.”

Guys, this is my good friend and neighbour.” Benny exclaim, the men turning to look at you. 

“Can you fix her a drink while I go fix up the table? And be nice!” He says the last part as he gives the curly-haired man a stern look.        

“Hey! Santiago, but I can just be Santi to you.” The man with the curls tells you as he shakes your hand with a wink. Oh, he’s a flirt.  

You tell them your name and shake Will's hand before facing the last man. 

“I’m Frankie. Well, I’m Francisco, but people call me Frankie.” He is not coming off nearly as smoothly as Santi, but you can’t help but smile at him.   

You stand there a little awkward for a moment, but the conversation is soon picking up and you actually have a pretty good time. The guys are both nice and funny, not that you would expect anything else from the brother and friends of Benny.    

You talk for a while, sipping on the greyhound Santi had made you.    

“Ey, beer pong tournament! Are you guys playing?” Benny, who has come back in the kitchen, yells excitedly, getting two six packs from the fridge.  

Santi is quick to express his excitement  

Your stomach drops at the thought of having to chase after a ping pong ball at a party full of strangers. It sounds like your worst nightmare. 

“I think I’ll skip.” You declare.     

 Santi claps his hand on Frankies back. “Ya’ gonna play, Fish?”

Fish..?

Frankie doesn't look like he wants to play, his expression a stark contrast to Santi’s. 

“Nah, I think I’ll sit this one out.” Frankie croaks.  

“Suite yourself.” Santi shrugs. “You gonna partner up with me then, Benny boy?”

And by that, you are left alone in the kitchen with Frankie.

“Uhm, I think I’ll go for a smoke.” You mumble, fumbling with the clasp on your little handbag to get your lighter and your pack of cigarettes.

“Do you maybe wanna come and keep me company?” You look up at Frankie.   

He was the quietest when you had spoken with him and the others, but you like his vibe and you have to admit that he is very easy on the eyes. Brown hair is sticking out from the black baseball hat he is wearing, a breathtaking smile, broad shoulders and a pair of warm brown eyes.     

Frankie smiles and gives you a nod, emptying his beer before following you out on the balcony. You wrap your cardigan a little tighter around your torso as you’re hit by the cool night air. You lean your left side up against the brick wall, Frankie mirrors you leaning his right side against the wall so you’re facing each other.  

“Want one?” You ask before putting the cigarette between your lips. He accepts your offer with a small smile and you hand him your lighter after litting your own cigarette.      

“So… Fish? ” You ask as you breathe out a cloud of smoke, tilting your head slightly, not wanting to blow it directly into his face.  

“The guys and I.” He tilts his head at the balcony door. “We’re old military buddies.” He shrugs. “My code name was Catfish, guess things like that just stick” He shakes his head with a smile and you can’t stop yourself from smiling too. It makes sense, Benny had told you his brother had served.   

“Well, Fish, tell me more about yourself.” You prompt with a smile. And he does. 

What should have been a five-minute smoke turns into a long conversation where the two of you take turns telling each other about yourself. 

…'Cause here I am

No longer cryin' an' feelin' sorry

We're having a party just two doors down…

Almost an hour has gone by and the two of you have forgotten the party completely, the only reminder is the music coming from inside the apartment. His baritone voice and warm eyes have captivated you and as the sound of his warm bubbly laugh hits your ears something warm blooms in your chest. 

You like him more and more the more you get to know him. You probably shouldn’t let yourself feel like this so quickly after your breakup, but you really can’t stop the warm yearning feeling his smile is creating in your heart.      

…I can't believe I'm standin' here

Dry-eyed, all smiles and talkin'

Making conversation with the new love I have found

I ask him if he's like to be alone and we start walkin'

Down the hall to my place waitin' two doors down, yeah…

The conversation has landed on movies.

“Okay, it doesn’t have to be your favourite, but what movie have you rewatched the most?” You ask with a smile.

“Honestly… Probably Winnie the Pooh.” He shakes his head with a shrug and smile.  

“ Winnie the Pooh?! ” You giggle.   

“Yeah…” Frankie clears his throat, looking nervous all of a sudden. “I have a little girl, so…”

“Oh, you do?” You say with a smile, trying to not sound surprised. Him having a kid doesn't scare you away and something about him being a girl-dad makes perfect sense to you. There is a little voice of worry in the back of your head though, not from him being a dad, but Frankie being a father means that there is a mother. He is not wearing a ring and nothing about your conversation has implied that he is married or in a relationship. But you had just caught Lance cheating. It would break your heart if you were flirting with another woman’s man right now.

“Yeah, Solana, she is three.” He continues. “Her mother and I got divorced when she was still a baby. She stays with me every other weekend.”  

The worry you felt disappears completely and you can’t help but give him a wide smile. 

“Can I see a picture?” You ask, wanting him to know that you don’t have anything against him having a child.    

A little girl with big chestnut-brown eyes and fluffy brown curls is smiling at the camera.     

“Oh, she’s so cute.” You coo, and you mean it, she is absolutely adorable. 

“Looks like her daddy.” You giggle, the resemblance is uncanny.  

“I guess she does.” He sighs at the phone screen. “Poor baby.” He jokes, but you feel that there is something more to his words.      

You look up at him with a frown. “I don’t think it is a bad thing.” You murmur. 

You don’t want to overstep, but you hate the idea of him thinking he isn’t good enough. 

“I know I’ve just met you Frankie, but I think she is pretty lucky to have you as her father.”

“You do?” He asks, voice low and soft.

“Yeah, I do.” You whisper, not noticing that you have taken a step closer towards him.  

He shifts a little, leaning his body slightly towards you. He looks deeply into your eyes and you think your heart skips a beat. He gently cups your cheek, and you lean into his touch. Your pulse quickens from the feeling of his warm skin on you.

And then you’re kissing him. 

…Two doors down

They're laughing and drinkin', and having a party

Two doors down

We're not aware that they're around …

His lips are soft, tasting of the beer he’s been drinking, with a slight ashy aftertaste from the smoke. Your own lips probably taste the same. You completely melt into his touch, finding a rhythm of gentle movements, getting familiar with the shape of him and you love it.

You open your mouth a little wider, slightly tilting your head to the side. Giving Frankie space to deepen the kiss and he does. He removes his hat to not poke you with the visor. 

Your hand comes up to grab the now-exposed curls at the back of his head, your other hand is buried in the fabric of his shirt. 

You moan softly into the kiss as Frankie slips his tongue deeper into your mouth. Your grip on his hair tightens, and you can feel the fire in your lower stomach enlight. 

You finally break the kiss both gasping for air. His thumb gently stroking your cheek as he looks down at you with those deep warm eyes of his.    

“You know, uhm…” You pant out, suddenly feeling very nervous. “I live just down the hall if you… You know… Want to be alone.”  

“Yeah, I… I would like that.” He nods. 

     

…'Cause here I am

Feelin' everything but sorry

We're having our own party two doors down …

You roam around your bag to get the key to your apartment. You had tried to ignore the look Benny had given you when you told him that you left. The others had been too engulfed in their game to notice that you and Frankie had been staying out on the balcony all night, but you leaving with Frankie gained their attention. Santi had given Frankie a thumbs up as you left which had made Frankie blush severely. 

You finally get the key, fumbling with the lock before you can get the door open and let Frankie into your home.     

Frankie closes the distance between you as soon as the door has closed behind you. You place a hand in his hair, grabbing the soft curls, softly pressing him closer, and deepening the kiss.

You stumble through your apartment until you reach your coach where the two of you collapse, you on top of Frankie. 

His warm tongue slipping between your kiss-swollen lips. You really like him and you want more, you really do, but you are not sure if it is a good idea. You might have just come out of a relationship, but It’s been a long time since you have felt like this with anyone and you’re afraid of ruining it. He breaks the kiss before you can worry any further. 

“Sorry, I…” He whispers, slowly pulling away, looking deeply into your eyes. “It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just, I think I would like to get to know you better. If that is what you want too, of course." He looks nervous. “Maybe I could take you out on a date?” 

“I would like to get to know you better, Francisco. And I would love to go on a date with you.” You tell him softly.

He smiles wide with relief and his lips are back on yours. The kiss is so sweet it makes your chest feel warm and content. Maybe this really can be the start of something beautiful.

[boydepartment]

Enhypen as Sad Songs

MASTERLIST

a/n: as per usual the song comes with a scenario ❤️

warnings- angst

JUNGWON- all i want- kodaline

you and jungwon were best friends for years. when highschool hit and he had to go away to become an idol you knew that was pretty much it for you two. there wouldn’t be anymore late night sleepovers, no more junk food at 3am together, no giggling while sneaking out, no nothing. or at least that’s what you thought. jungwon always planning to make time for you he always thought about how he could go on more adventures with you when he debuted. jungwon would have the money to take you anywhere you’d want. you didn’t know about any of his plans, so when you cut him off with a final goodbye he’s just left in confusion as to why you left him if you loved him.

HEESEUNG- your sister was right- wilbur soot

heeseung started out as your tutor for your english 101 class. you were struggling and needed help, heeseung would help you in more ways than english. he’d take you out on dates, give you stuff, you’d practically act like you were dating. all your friends hated the fact heeseung was this close to you. he had a reputation for using people, of course, it wasn’t true in the slightest. it had just been a rumour. hearing what your friends had to say about him made him so frustrated. heeseung never did anything to hurt you, but if that’s all anyone is ever going to see him as. then fine- he’d treat you exactly like they said he would. your friends were right.

JAY- how to never stop being sad- dandelion hands

you had always struggled working on anything. it was hard to do anything at all actually. from getting up, to trying to go get coffee every morning. jay hated seeing someone he loved so much drown out every single one of their feelings. he watched someone who he loved so much break themselves down. jay was close to you a few months go, you used to order coffee from him and it sprung up a tight friendship... until now. he didn’t know how to help, and telling you he was in love with you made it worse. it made it so much worse. you shut him out completely, because you felt your life was shit and you deserved it.

JAKE- single- the neighborhood

jake was your coworker who you had to style. you were previously his makeup artist and things quickly bloomed into more. you noticed how he would look at you differently every time you had to do his lip makeup. one time he finally took his chance. your relationship together was healthy, stable, and helped you enjoy your career. hybe didn't agree with it though and so you were both forced to separate. you were lucky that they just switched you to a makeup artist for another hybe group. you both only pass each other during award shows or filming. jake doesn't think either of you should be around each other, he's still got a crush and its obvious.

SUNGHOON- i was all over her- salvia palth

heeseung was your older brother, he came home for the summer. when both your parents were out he had a party with all his old and new friends. the party was big which surprised you, what surprised you even more was the fact one of the guys at this party started chatting you up. you found out his name was park sunghoon, he didn't really bother to ask your name. sunghoon was just all over you, not in a way of physically intimacy, just talking to you and not letting you give your attention to anyone else. getting this attention from a stranger made your naïve heart full, for him though, every stranger just made him feel safer. he had no intention being close to you after this party.

SUNOO- falling behind- laufey

sunoo watched all the couples around him, even jake had someone, which shocked him. no offense but the big goofball didn't even deserve you. sunoo watched as you joked with every one of his friends. sunoo didn't understand why jake was irritating him so much, he should be happy his best friend was happy. he didn't understand the reason why he was falling behind was because he was in love with you. he held hope that maybe you would catch on to his longing looks towards you. he wanted to call you his, sunoo wanted to have your shoulder be the one he can finally cry on. it got to the point where even riki found someone, everyone was falling in love but sunoo was falling behind.

RIKI- wasted summers- juju<3

riki was completely infatuated with you, he wanted to be around you 24/7. summer was the perfect time to be around you too, he got a small break from work and you didn't have school. riki missed going to school with you, however, this was his life now. he cherished every moment with you, from watching scary movies and holding your hand even if it was just for a split second. you'd always pull your hand away quickly though, whenever riki got closer to you, you'd pull away. but then you would call him and beg him to come over when the summer thunderstorms were too loud to deal with. while you slept soundly, riki cried next to you. he knew you didn't reciprocate his feelings, he didn't have to confess to you and get rejected to know that. riki knew that once his break was over he wasted like half of his summer trying to hold on your hand.

[lesbianfakir]

Hear me out: fakir n rue childhood friend au, where, crucially, he does not learn she’s related to the raven until roughly the point in the show where she reveals herself as Kraehe.

Instead of hating each other they bond over their shared devotion to mytho and miserable fucking childhoods. The raven allows it in this au because a. he thinks it’s funny and b. he knows it will all come crashing down on her and complete her despair. Fakir and Rue spend pretty much every day together and both look after Mytho, which alleviates some of fakir’s stress about being his sole protector.

However, this friendship constantly overshadowed by their roles in the story. Rue doesn’t know the specifics but she knows that Fakir hates crows, and his role as the knight makes him her enemy. If her only friend in the world found out the truth about her he’d want to kill her. Beyond that she lives with the guilt of knowing her best friend is going to be gruesomely killed by her father, or maybe even herself. She shouldn’t feel guilty she should want to hurt him—he’s the enemy after all—but she must be a bad daughter because the thought makes her sick.

At the beginning of the show rue and fakir team up to get tutu away from mytho, but it all begins to fall apart as rue suspects she may be a crow. She can’t talk to fakir about it, she knows he’d never forgive her if it were true. So she fiercely tries to crush that part of herself down. Her turning point is the same as in the show: Fakir tries to kill Kraehe and calls her an ugly crow. Through their friendship she’d built a sense of self outside of the raven, and in an instant she recognizes that other, happier self as a sad illusion. She decides she never had a friend, she was only keeping the enemy close, and she commits fully to becoming Kraehe.

Fakir, of course, fells horribly betrayed. He will not forgive himself for allowing an avatar of the raven so close to mytho for so many years, for trusting her, for caring about her. He shuts down. In this phase of the story the two hate each other, to the point where they’re less preoccupied with tutu than killing the other. Despite how hard she’s trying to be nothing but crow, Rue cries when she thinks she’s killed him.

And yeah that’s the au! Angst and drama all the way down. Duck is trying to mediate their friendship which usually only upsets the two, but I like to think it works eventually. Then they get to be real friends, with no guilt and secrets between them.

[festivalofthe12]

mannnnnnnn IDK if it's just because I never fully finished the manga myself (sorry everyone;;) but I just. don't. really understand how Akito being just another one of Tohru's friends is supposed to. work. in practice. with Yuki.

Not because Akito is an ~irredeemable person who never earned her redemption~ or whatever. People being good is good!!! If Akito is legitimately a better person now, that's awesome!!! And frankly I love stories where legitimate kindness breaks through to save people who are shitty but also deeply deeply sad!!!!!

But to most of the cast, Akito was a pretty distant enemy. Yes, she'd show up in person now and then to be chilling and mysterious, but her primary source of contention was Being God. The way she ran the family and the rules she set up around it. Other characters might have spent a lot of time seething at her, but mainly to blame her for indirectly causing things to happen in their lives. Apart from a very small number, most have never actually had much experience just... talking to her.

Which is not true for Yuki.

Yuki has spent more time with her than almost anybody. By the end of the manga, she's still probably the person he's spent the most time in contact with, total, over his life. He literally could not get away from being in the same physical space as her.

His reactions to Akito aren't based on him blaming her for what she did to the Sohma family. His reactions to Akito are based on a very simple 'if I can see her, things about about to get very bad very quickly for me personally.'

At that point, it's not even really about whether he blames or forgives her, or what he thinks she 'deserves'. It is an immediate anxiety (let's be real: PTSD) trigger. It's neither conscious nor logical. He spent endless amounts of time waiting with horror for her to show up, unable to know or control when that would happen, and then having that horror fully justified. He was trained on it, endlessly.

I fully believe that Yuki would want to trust Tohru and respect her friendship with Akito and believe that everything has changed and it's all good now. But I just can't see him being him able to actually... act on that. In practice.

He never even really properly got to process it. Ayame did the classic oblivious parent thing of trying to override Yuki's negative emotions with happy ones before he was actually ready to move on. (Not critiquing Ayame; he's just a flawed human being in his own right!) Tohru comforted him and told him he didn't deserve it, and now she's friends with his abuser asking him to say everything's fine. If Kakeru ever fully found out what happened, it was off-screen, and not all that much time before this all went down.

I just. Really think that what Yuki needs is at least some time to just be better and angry, or at the very least openly mourn his lost childhood. And he needs to be able to do that without those constant triggers of anxiety from interacting with Akito. All things being equal, I think it would be for the best if he could just tell Tohru straight-up that he's fine with their friendship and he's not going to intervene but he just does not want to be in the same room with Akito ever again.

And... if I were to stretch this a bit further, and potentially really betray my unfamiliarity with endgame canon........... it is kind of hard for me to imagine Akito being okay with that.

Yes, Akito has changed. But surely she still needs time to grow and learn and figure out her new place in this world? And Yuki deliberately avoiding her would... be a difficult thing to accept. Firstly because she's still getting used to giving up that selfishness (especially towards Yuki), but also because it's a reminder of some of the awful shit she did. Which, if she's a changed person, should make her feel bad. Which again, she isn't qualified to process!!

I honestly wouldn't be surprised if Akito twisted it around in her head to where Yuki really was her friend. Like they were in this together and Akito didn't always handle it well but at the end of the day, they're the only two who can really understand each other. Because Akito really didn't have that, either. (Kureno being... idk man he always seemed more like a guardian, or at least older brother figure than someone who was 'in the trenches' so to speak with her.)

Either way, it'd all place Tohru in such a deeply complicated position. Akito is hurting badly and needs Tohru to be on her side if no-one else is, because to be fair, that's not all wrong? (Kureno has always been there, but Tohru is her saviour.) But she can't really do that if she's enforcing Yuki's boundaries for him. I feel like Akito would really want Tohru to tell her that she's forgiven and that everything's good now, and if she hesitated even a little, it wouldn't go well. Because Akito only knows how to understand two things: obedience and manipulation. So having others set healthy boundaries - and dealing with the resulting feelings of rejection and shame and guilt - is something she still has to learn how to do.

It just sounds. A bit like a clusterfuck tbh. A clusterfuck that could, eventually, turn out okay!!!!!! But one that would take a LONG time and continued process of reflection and self-awareness (and, ideally, HEAVY THERAPY, but of course we all know nobody in the Fruits Basket universe ever gets that, so). Obviously like that's the happy ending and we don't need to extend it out for four more volumes of like 'Yuki and Akito undergo cbt separately via Tohru's infinite patience' lmfao but. Idk. It just seems to imply a lot in that happy ending that has not really set up by the story to be all that easy.

Unless I'm completely wrong and the last volume or two does in fact set this up perfectly. In which case never mind!!!!!!!!!!

[justalonelybitch]

What Could Have Been..

Ha Sooyoung x F!Reader (Ft. Heejin & Chuu)

Genre: Angst, Sprinkled in Fluff

Warnings: Swearing, Loneliness, Rejection

Word Count: 7.1k

Buy Me A Coffee :)

A melodious chuckle slipped past your lips as you skipped down the stone path, arm linked with your best friend’s as the wind blew in your hair. Both of you were uncaring of the world around you, paying no mind to the odd looks shot your way from any lingering strangers strolling through the dully illuminated park. You couldn't remember what prompted this sudden burst of energy, but all you knew was that you’d never felt more free. In a land far away from the one filled with burdensome obligations, the only one in which you could achieve true happiness. Ha Sooyoung was your key to that world.

Without her it was simply black and white. She was your everything. Sooyoung brought meaning to your colourless life, setting it ablaze with her charming personality. She was by your side through thick and thin, always offering you a dazzling smile and a friendship that would last a lifetime. She’d first approached you at a dance competition in which you’d attended to support a friend, but you’d managed to catch her eye as you cheered passionately in the crowd. It was then that she knew she wanted you to be the one cheering for her in the future. All it took was a few flirty lines, shared giggles and the rest was history. Texting each other nonstop turned into daily face times and then weekly gatherings.

Two years later and you were still attached at the hip, spending every waking moment with each other. No matter where you were, if you were together, nothing else mattered. But as the months ticked by, things began to change. When you looked at her you were struck with an unexplainable feeling, something completely unknown. Sooyoung’s gentle gaze as she tried to playfully cheer you up when sad had butterflies fluttering to life inside your stomach. Her smug smile as she let a witty line roll carelessly off her tongue made heat rush to your cheeks. Every time her hand brushed against yours and she silently laced them together, biting back a shy smile as your heart jumped to life in your chest.

You were hopelessly in love with Ha Sooyoung.

She had you wrapped around her finger with ease. You couldn’t help but read into her actions, giving you the slightest glimmer of hope that she may actually return your feelings of adoration. The closeness of your friendship made it feel as though you had already engaged in a courtship. You held hands, cuddled, shared beds, went out on ‘dates’, she even kissed your cheek or forehead each time you parted ways. You were stuck between what was and what could be. When she was with you, everything was perfect, but when you were alone, questions regarding the relationship flooded your mind. More than friends, yet less than lovers.

“Y/n? Are you still with me?” Sooyoung asked, poking your cheek, she chuckled at your spaced out expression. Blinking rapidly, you stumbled back slightly at the close proximity of your faces, a pink hue tainting your cheeks. “Where’d that pretty little head of yours take you?” She inquired, raising a perfectly sculpted brow in curiosity. “It’s nothing,” you mumbled, averting your gaze shyly. “Is nothing really more important than being with your favourite person in the universe?” She teased, a smug expression already creeping onto her face. Grumbling, you sent a glare her way, slapping her shoulder playfully. “You’re such a flirt!” You complained, rolling your eyes at her witty line.

“How can I not flirt with someone as gorgeous as you~” She joked, wrapping an arm around your shoulders as she pulled you closer. “Shut up!” You exclaimed, eyes wide as you attempted to push her off you, but she only tugged you impossibly closer. Ducking your head in hopes of hiding the bright blush that spread across your face, you muttered profanities under your breath. You weren’t sure when, but the two of you began to stroll through the empty park, there was something dangerously calming about the silent night in Sooyoung’s arms. “I just had a terrible idea,” she whispered in your ear, pulling back as she eagerly awaited your response.

“Do I even wanna know?” You asked, gazing up to her with raised brows. “It doesn’t matter, you’ll do it with me anyway,” she grinned, holding her hand out to you expectantly. “I swear to god Sooyoung, I better not hate you after this.” You grumbled, reluctantly placing your hand in hers. You were swiftly yanked after Sooyoung as she dragged you further into the moonlit park. “You could never hate me!” She yelled over her shoulder smugly, pulling you towards the park's water feature. “Please tell me this isn’t what I think it is,” you whined as she came to an abrupt halt before a blast of water came shooting out from the ground.

Sooyoung turned to you with a mischevious grin, unable to hide the amusement that danced in her eyes. “You only live once,” she declared, shrugging her shoulders as she gazed at the several spurts of water bursting into the air. “I’d rather live without being drenched in a fountain at midnight,” you deadpanned, trying to free your hand from your grasp, but to no avail. “That’s just too bad,” Sooyoung hummed, a feigned expression of faux disappointment masking her features as she shook her head, tutting in disapproval. Your eyes widened as you were suddenly jerked under the spray of water, shrieking as it came in contact with you.

“YAH! HA SOOYOUNG!” You shouted, glaring up at the taller girl. She broke down in a fit of laughter, grasping at her stomach as it tensed with her joy. “I’m gonna kill you,” you yelled as she hastily ripped her hand from yours, darting into the spray of water in hopes of escaping your wrath. You wasted no time in breaking out into a sprint, chasing after her as she led you in circles. Laughter bubbled from your chests as you crashed into each other, her arms wrapping securely around your waist to ensure you didn’t slip. “You’re something else, Ha Sooyoung,” you stated, shaking your head in amusement.

“Hey, I’m older than you,” she scolded, playfully patting your butt with a teasing grin. “You’re already here now, no harm in staying, right?” She persuaded, using that dazzling smile of hers to convince you. “I hate you,” you groaned, letting your head fall on her shoulder, the fabric of your clothing sticking to your skin. “Lies,” her chest shook with laughter, the fountains spray landing water droplets on your head. “Would you care for a dance, M’Lady?” She asked, your ears picking up on the faintest music from afar, likely from a quaint cafe. “That’s your thing, not mine,” you reminded, content to just stay as you were.

“Just follow my lead,” she urged, grasping your hands and bringing them up to her neck. Rolling your eyes, you let your hands rest on her shoulders, attempting to ignore how close her face was to yours. You gasped as her hands gripped your hips, tugging you dangerously closer. She moved slowly to the tempo of the music, guiding you with each step she took. Sooyoung’s eyebrows were sewn together, lip jutting out in concentration. Your fingers curled into the delicate fabric of her dampened sweater, eyes roaming her face as you admired her natural beauty, features lit up by the moon's dull glow.

Once you found yourself in a rhythm, she tilted her head to meet your gaze, a ghost of a smile adorning her face. Her hand travelled up to gently caress your cheek, brushing a dampened strand of hair that stuck to your face behind your ear, the wet tangle tickling your neck. Her hand paused at your jaw, eyes staring deeply into your own, swirling with an emotion foreign to you. “Sooyoung..” you uttered in a whisper, eyes wide with intrigue. She hummed lowly, a far away look reflecting in her chocolate orbs, her dark locks brushing against your fingertips as you swayed to the music.

“I like you,” you admitted, the words flying from your parted lips before you had the chance to process them. One slip of the tongue and the fate of your friendship was left dangling by a fine thread. May it hang on, or fracture under the weight of your confession? A hint of a smile quirked the corner of her lips, your eyes shining hopefully, carefully observing for any details that may soften the blow of whatever was to come. It vanished just as quickly as it appeared, her forehead creasing in a conflicted frown. Sooyoung’s lips parted, but no words followed, the eerie silence of the still night ringing in your ears.

The intimate slow dance you shared came to an awkward halt, Sooyoung’s hand slipping from your face, your skin burning at the loss of contact. “I’m sorry,” Sooyoung choked out, the words piercing your heart. You swiftly nodded your head in understanding, a wordless plea for her not to continue, the outcome already made painfully clear. Sooyoung’s gaze was fixed on her shoes, as fidgeted with the hems of her sleeves, scuffing her boot against the stone. “I don’t know what to say,” she huffed as you sunk your teeth into your bottom lip, clenching your jaw in a desperate attempt to hold back your tears.

“I wish I could accept your feelings..” She trailed off, an uncomfortably tense atmosphere looming over the both of you. “It’s fine, I should probably get going anyway.” You rushed out, voice wavering as you blinked back the tears that threatened to fall. Quick to turn on your heel, you settled on escaping the scene as quickly as possible. “Wait! It’s late, at least let me walk you home,” Sooyoung grasped your wrist gently, forehead creased in a frown. You reluctantly turned to meet her gaze, fresh tears cascading down your cheeks, hoping the light spray of the fountain would mask your anguish.

Sooyoung’s grip loosened, eyes shining with tears of her own as she glanced at your bleak expression, your eyes dull. You wordlessly tugged your hand from hers, sniffling as you hastily walked away from her. She let you go. Sooyoung stared after you, watching attentively as you faded into the darkness of the night, her heart painfully thumping in her chest, aching with loss. “Fuck,” she muttered profanities under her breath, frustratedly running her hand through her hair. She merely stood numbly under the shower of water, letting it soak her clothes. She couldn’t bring herself to move, letting the water streak down her face alongside her freshly shed tears.

~~

You lay lifelessly in your bed, staring up at the ceiling blankly, ignoring the persistent grumble of your stomach. The day had progressed far too slowly for your liking, giving you far too much time to dwell on the previous night's catastrophe. Your emotions were yet to settle, a jumble of embarrassment, sadness and uncertainty remained with you. Unsure of the path your friendship with Sooyoung would lead to after this stumble. You awoke to a few stray messages from Sooyoung, subtly checking up on you, and asking if you wanted to hang out. You cringed at the thought, brushing her off with ease, saying you were feeling under the weather, not a complete lie.

A part of you felt bad, but you simply couldn’t bear to face her right now. You knew she still cared for you deeply, as did you, hating to think this must have troubled her too. You were relieved that she didn’t hate you for your abrupt confession, but that didn’t numb the pain of rejection. Opting to take a day off from life, you let your duvet swallow you whole, remaining unbothered by the hunger attempting to force you from your bed. Three heavy knocks on your wooden door startled you from your dazed state, jolting you up from your bed. Luck just wasn’t on your side lately. 

Tying your tangled hair up in an attempt to maintain your decency, you pulled the door open with a frustrated sigh. Blinking in shock at the sight before you, your brows furrowed together in confusion. “Hey,” Sooyoung mumbled sheepishly, nervously scratching the back of her neck, a paper bag grasped tightly in her free hand. “Hey?” You questioned, warily stepping to the side to let her in. You weren’t cruel enough to make her awkwardly stand in the cold no matter how tense you were. Clicking the door shut, you turned to watch her curiously as she placed the bag on your counter. 

“You said you were sick,” she explained, pulling a container of your favourite soup from it. Your heart ached as butterflies fluttered to life in your stomach, conflicted by her kind consideration. “Thank you, you didn’t have to,” you expressed your gratitude, trying to remember that she was still your friend, not just the person who shattered your heart into a million fine shards. “It’s the least I can do, it’s my fault you’re sick anyway. If I hadn’t dragged you into that water,” she stated regretfully, gazing at you apologetically. The silence was deafening, both of you just staring into eachothers eyes. Sooyoung’s chocolate orbs lit up as she reached back into the brown paper bag, breaking the silence as she riffled through it.

You couldn’t help but smile as she triumphantly held up your favourite movie in an attempt to cheer you up. She grinned at the sight, fulfilling her duties as your best friend, even if she was the one who’d caused you pain, she wouldn’t leave you stranded alone to wallow in your sadness. She settled on the couch, forehead creasing in a frown as you chose to sit in the furthest place from her. Sooyoung could hardly blame you for keeping your distance, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. As the movie progressed, you let out a few laughs, momentarily forgetting about everything that had transpired and just enjoying the company of your best friend.

One too many laughs had triggered a coughing fit to bubble up your throat. “Shit, Y/n!” Sooyoung cursed, rushing off to get you a glass of water before clumsily stumbling back to your side. You carefully gulped down the cold liquid, syphoning it to your tongue. Sooyoung’s hand resided on your back, rubbing it encouragingly as you recovered. She pressed the palm of her free hand to your forehead, scowling at the heat it emitted. “You’re burning up,” she informed, glancing at your wide eyed self. You awkwardly shuffled backwards, brushing off her hand, teeth sinking into your bottom lip in contemplation.

“Y/n..” She whispered, eyes reflecting a look of hurt. You pulled your knees up to your chest, feeling small under her gaze. “I’m sorry..” You trailed off, glancing to the empty bowl of homemade soup that lay before the glowing television screen. “I really do appreciate everything you’ve done for me,” you started, anxiously picking at the skin of your fingers. “But I think I just need some space,” you confessed, unable to meet her gaze. Sooyoung’s heart panged in her chest, hopelessly staring at your curled up figure. “I wish I was okay, I tried so hard to act like everything was fine..” You muttered guiltily, sighing at the current predicament.

“But to be honest, I’d be lying to you and myself if I kept going like this.” You admitted, voice trembling unsteadily. Sooyoung nodded in understanding, unsuccessful in blinking back her tears, letting them freely cascade down her cheeks. You were no better, meeting her gaze with tired eyes that shone with tears of your own. She wordlessly begins her retreat from your apartment, lingering near the door for a painful minute. “I’m sorry, Y/n.” Is all she says before slipping out of the door. “I hope this isn’t the end for us,” she whispers against the closed wooden door before reluctantly making her descent down the stone steps.

~~

The prospect of reaching out to Sooyoung only grew more tempting as time passed on, but you couldn’t trust your heart not to fall back into old patterns. It once beat for her, and there was no telling whether it would again or not. One look at her sweet smile and you were bound to fall prey to her charms all over again. Your heart ached in your chest at the thought, longing to be in her alluring presence once more. You had to move on, otherwise you would risk losing your friendship for more than just a temporary break. Unfortunately, overcoming your not so platonic feelings for Ha Sooyoung was a lot easier said than done.

There were several occasions in which you reached for your phone out of habit, wanting to text her about what was going on in your life or just to hear her voice again. You missed her so much it pained you to even think of her, how her soothing voice would always lull you to sleep on face time calls. The more you thought about everything she once was to you, the more you began to hate all those things that made you love her. What you despised most was that you couldn’t really hate her, she was not at fault for your misery. You were the one who had fallen hopelessly in love and now you were paying the price.

~~

Sooyoung hated how lost she was without you in her life. The two of you were constantly joined at the hip, her attention always focused solely on you. The distance only made things worse for Sooyoung. You were always on her mind, distracting her from her studies and keeping her up for numerous sleepless nights. You even invaded her dreams, images of how hurt and defeated you’d looked that day. She was always there to comfort you, no matter what the world thrust upon you. But she couldn’t live with the thought of her being the cause of your anguish.

She respected your wishes, keeping her distance and not making any contact with you. But oh how it pained her to do so. Sooyoung would always catch herself just before she clicked send on a drafted message intended for you. She had to fight so hard to resist the temptation of just showing up at your doorstep and admitting to everything she’d been hiding from you. How she had gotten accepted as a trainee at Block Berry Creative after going to the audition she’d told you about. You were the first person she would’ve called. She knows that she would have to give up the idea of a love life in favour of her dreams, that was the harsh reality of idol life.She was so tempted to throw it all away for you.

~~

As time went on, you began to heal, the distance doing great things for your heart. Regretfully, you never reached out to Sooyoung in fear of landing back at square one. Before you knew it, a year had passed and you had both gone your separate ways. Sooyoung had debuted as a member of Loona shortly after you two parted ways, and was swept up in idol life, giving her no time to reach out to you. She was so busy all the time, working tirelessly in the studio to perfect her talents, hardly given the chance to reminisce about the past. A part of her still longed for you, wishing that the outcome had been different, but it was too late to take it back now.

You strolled through the bustling streets with a pep in your step, phone clasped tightly in one hand, an iced latte in the other. The incessant honking horns of passing cars caught in traffic did nothing to deter your mood. You’d officially completed your studies and had been accepted to work at your dream job as an intern. Today was your day to celebrate, and you were determined to not let anything get in the way of your happiness. Overly caught up in your excitement, you failed to notice the vehicle speeding towards the crossing as you stepped onto it with purpose.

A piercing screech of tyre alerted you, snapping your head up, your lips parted in shock at the sight of a car barreling towards you at top speed. Scrunching your face up, you screwed your eyes shut in fear, accepting of the fate bestowed upon you. Expecting impact, you were startled by the harsh tug on your arm, stumbling backwards into your saviour’s chest. Your heart was pounding rapidly in your chest, unwilling to force your eyes open, plagued with fear and uncertainty about the events that had transpired.

“You should really be more careful,” a gruff voice commented in your ear, strong arms wrapping securely around your torso. You were thankful for the assistance, your knees having given out from shock. You felt oddly safe in the strangers arms, finding comfort in the security. “Are you okay?” She questioned, tone gentler this time, perhaps realising her initial comment may have been too harsh. You began to hesitantly nod your head, reluctantly removing yourself from the comfort of her arms. “Yeah, just peachy. It’s not everyday you almost die,” you attempted humour as a method of coping with the near death experience.

“Thank you, by the way,” you gazed into her chocolate brown eyes, forming a plan to express your gratitude. “No worries,” she nodded in acknowledgement, shifting her weight from one leg to another as you continued to stare up at her. “Are you sure you’re alright? I’m afraid that if I leave you alone again you may go stumbling in front of a stampede,” she joked, quirking a brow. “Then I suppose you’ll just have to save me again,” you grinned as she chuckled, running a hand through her dark locks. “Sure, princess,” she smirked, a blush spreading across your cheeks at the witty remark.

“I’m Heejin, by the way,” she introduced, a smug smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

~~

“Sooyoung unnie,” Yerim called out to the dazed girl, pulling her back to reality. She hummed in response, glancing at the younger in curiosity. “What is it?” She questioned upon seeing the mischievous sparkle in Yerim’s large eyes. “Have you ever been in love?” She asked, an expression of innocence plastered on her youthful features. Sooyoung cleared her throat in surprise, eyes widening at the sudden boldness the younger had acquired. “Why, you haven’t been seeing anyone have you?” She teased, but there was an undertone of worry. She was so young, and the industry was brutal to those who happened to find love. Sooyoung knew that all too well.

“No, I’m too young for that,” Yerim shook her head rapidly in denial, frantically waving her hands about. “I’m only curious, you seem like you’d have more experience than the others,” she continued an eager smile adorning her lips. Sighing, Sooyoung shook her head in mild exhaustion, begging to stand. “It’s a long story, maybe another time,” she attempted to retire to her room, only to be stopped by a firm grip on her wrist. Spinning on her heel, Sooyoung raised a challenging brow at Heejin, who was previously seated quietly beside her. “I’m curious too,” she shrugged her shoulders, releasing her grip on the oldests hand.

“Fine,” Sooyoung huffed, giving in easily and plopping down on the comfortable couch cushions. “What do you want to know then?” She grunted, rolling her eyes in amusement at the way they eagerly approached her sides. “What’s it like?” Yerim asked, clasping her hands together in anticipation. “Love hurts,” the oldest stated bluntly, arms crossed over her chest in slight discomfort at the topic. “It’s not always sunshine and rainbows,” she continued, ignoring the way their eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “It doesn’t always work out,” Sooyoung said, a frown creeping onto her face as images of you infiltrated her mind.

“I loved someone,” she admitted, the words tasting bitter on her tongue. She had wished that you would be the one to hear this confession, it was meant for you after all. “And they loved me too,” Sooyoung uttered, a sad smile adorning her lips. She couldn’t bear to glance at Yerim’s hopeful gaze, it reminded her too much of how you’d looked at her the fateful night it all went wrong. “But love isn’t that simple, it’s more complex than two people sharing feelings for one another.” The oldest sunk her teeth into her pink lips, releasing a shaky breath.

“What do you mean?” Heejin asked, forehead creased in a frown. “I mean it takes more than that. No matter how much you love someone it doesn’t mean it’s the right time, and the moment you realise that is one of the most painful things you can experience.” Sooyoung elaborated, blinking back tears threatening to fall. “Sometimes things don’t work out, and that’s just the way of the world and there's nothing we can do but wonder what could have been,” she finished, abruptly rising to her feet.

Yerim stared after her in curiosity, tilting her head to the side, gnawing at the inside of her cheek in concern. Left restless by her members' blunt confessions, Yerim stumbled to her feet, staggering after Sooyoung. Heejin remained stiffly seated, toying with the hem of her shirt as she pondered the oldests words. She didn’t want to love only to wonder what it could have been. It felt worthless. If there was even the slightest chance that this was the right time for her, she wasn’t going to risk sitting back in fear of losing everything.

~~

You sat on your couch, chin perched atop your first as you gazed up at the television screen. Immersed in the drama, the rapid knocks on the door of your apartment almost went unnoticed. Huffing, you begrudgingly lifted yourself from the soft cushion, shuffling over to the door with reluctance. The hinges whined in protest as you carelessly swung it open, eyebrows sewn together in confusion at the sight before you. “Heejin?” You questioned, unable to mask the surprise that laced your tone.

It wasn’t uncommon for her to spend time passing in your apartment, but she wasn’t one to show up out of the blue. Ever since that fateful day she’d saved you from early demise, an unlikely friendship has blossomed between the two of you. You struggled to recall how you’d become so close so quickly, but you knew she made you happy, and that was all that truly mattered. She had a unique charm, as if an invisible force was pulling the two of you together. Heejin was a breath of fresh air, and you were her escape from the chaos that stormed her life on a daily basis.

“Hey, can I come in?” She asked, tone gentle as she gazed at you. “Do you even have to ask?” You smiled, moving aside so she could step past the threshold. You both made yourselves comfortable on the couch, sitting side by side, knees brushing against each other. Heejin’s eyes were instantly drawn to where your skin met hers, staring down in contemplation. You waited patiently for her to speak, stealing glances at her every few moments. She seemed to be having an internal battle with herself, gaze conflicted as she anxiously fiddled with her fingers.

“I don’t want you to hate me,” she began, lips twisting into a frown. “Heejin, I could never hate you,” you smiled reassuringly, reaching out to grasp her hand in your own. “I would like to believe that, but you can’t be certain, Y/n.” She muttered, sinking her teeth into the soft flesh of her bottom lip. “I promise I won’t,” you proposed, holding a pinky up to her. Sighing, she merely stared at your offered hand, brows furrowing in uncertainty. “Trust me,” you grinned, meeting her conflicted gaze. “I do,” she admitted, avoiding your gaze.

“Then tell me what’s troubling you so I can make it better,” you coaxed, watching as her hesitance began to crumble. “I like you, Y/n.” She confessed, surprised as the grin on your face never faded. “I like you too, Heejin,” you smiled, patting her shoulder gently, platonically. “No, Y/n, you don’t understand. I like you more than a friend should,” she explained, a sad smile adorning her lips. Your eyes widened in shock, mind working overtime to process her words carefully. “Why?” The words rolled off your tongue before you could stop them, wincing regretfully as soon as they left your mouth.

“For as long as I’ve known you, you’re all that I’ve been able to think about.” She admitted, a hint of a smile tugging at her lips. “Everything about you drives me insane, and I don’t want to spend a second wondering what I could be missing out on, not if I have a chance.” She declared, a determined look crossing her face. “I know you’ve been hurt before, Y/n. But if there’s even the slightest chance that you reciprocate my feelings I’d wait until the time is right, because you’re worth staying for.” She confessed, unable to stop the smile from spreading across her features.

“However, I understand if you don’t feel the same,” she acknowledged. When she finally took a moment to look at you, she was surprised by the toothy grin you greeted her with. “You’re smiling? You’re happy?” She spoke aloud, brows furrowing in mild confusion. “Of course I’m happy, don’t act so shocked.” You grinned bashfully, ducking your head in order to hide the rosy blush that tainted your cheeks. “I don’t think I understand,” Heejin shook her head, perplexed by your sudden joy. She glanced hopelessly at you, head tilting in bewilderment.

“I like you too, Heejin. More than a friend should,” you beamed, watching as the gears in her head began to turn. Blinking in surprise, scepticism filled her gaze. “I don’t know where this leaves us, but I want to take whatever ‘this’ is slowly.” You said, motioning between the two of you. Finally beginning to wrap her head around the situation, Heejin nodded eagerly, eyes shining with excitement. “Of course, anything for you,” she agreed, unable to stop herself from pulling you into a crushing hug. You giggled fondly at her, wrapping your arms around her neck, mirroring her happiness with a genuine smile of your own.

~~

Sooyoung stared blankly at the wall ahead of her, eyes void of any emotion. The chaos of her members' shouts fell deaf in her ears, her eyebrows sewn together in contemplation. She couldn’t help the feeling of loneliness that overcame her, it was puzzling. She was surrounded by the people she loved most, and yet she had never felt more alone. It had been over a year, but allowing her mind to slip back into thoughts of you sent her spiralling. She wanted a world in which she didn’t have to choose between her passion and her motivation. Pursuing a dream without you by her side felt much less rewarding.

So she allowed herself to wonder on sleepless nights, imagining the life she never stood a chance at. Sooyoung put herself through constant agony just to catch a glimpse of happiness. Thinking of you brought her nothing but joy, it was realising you were never going to have your happy ending that tortured her. There were times that she wondered where life would have taken her if she’d accepted your confession on that fateful day. She wouldn't have been able to debut and then would have never met any of her closest friends, those whom she considered her family.

A gentle tap on her shoulder had her blinking out of her daze, turning to face the source. “Are you alright?” Jiwoo asked, worry written on her face, eyes boring into Sooyoung’s soul. The older merely hummed in response, guilt clouding her mind as she avoided the concerned gaze of her member. She wondered how she could ever possibly imagine a life without them, regret instantly filled her mind at the thought. “Are you sure? You’ve been staring at the wall for a while,” the younger girl pressed further, reaching out to grasp Sooyoung’s hand. “Yeah, I was just thinking,” the taller girl answered softly, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze before retracting it.

“Okay, if you insist.” Jiwoo nodded in understanding, not entirely convinced by the older girl's claim. “You know I’m here for you, right?” The shorter girl asked, lips jutting out in a pout. Sooyoung grinned appreciatively, surprising the younger with a sudden hug. “Thank you,” she expressed her gratitude, not knowing just how much she longed to hear those words. Jiwoo mirrored her smile with one much brighter, gazing at Sooyoung with nothing but adoration. “Oh! Haseul asked me to let you know that Heejin is bringing a friend over for games night,” Jiwoo abruptly exclaimed upon remembering her initial reason for approaching the older girl.

~~

All twelve members were spread across the living room and kitchen. The younger half focused on picking out a plethora of games, occasionally wandering into the kitchen to steal snacks. The older girls prepared multiple bowls of snacking food, pulling a wide range of drinks from their fridge. They normally weren’t as organised, but Haseul insisted on creating a good first impression on Heejin’s friend before exposing their chaotic selves. Though it was a near impossible task, when the members inevitably got out of control or overly competitive, she would at least have nicely arranged food and drinks to offer as a distraction.

A faint knock on the door caught Sooyoung’s attention, allowing her to slip away from the chaos in order to greet the guest of honour. Opening the door without a second thought, she did a double take as she caught sight of you. She had half a mind to shut the door in your face, but thankfully decided it would be against her better judgement. “Y/n?” She questioned, eyes widening and lips parting in shock. Your mouth fell open, prepared to speak, but only silence followed. The both of you merely stared at each other, unprepared for the sudden reunion. Before either of you had the chance to speak, Heejin came barreling down the hall and straight into your arms.

“Y/n!” She exclaimed, greeting you with a hug and pressing a chaste kiss to your cheek. “You act like we haven’t seen each other in months,” you grinned, avoiding eye contact with Sooyoung, who watched the two of you in confusion. “It feels like I haven’t seen you in ages,” Heejin groaned as you pushed her away gently. “Well, now that you’ve met Sooyoung unnie, let me introduce you to the rest of my members,” the younger one grasped your hand, brushing past Sooyoung as she tugged you towards the living room.

Sooyoung remained in the doorway, stunned by your sudden reappearance in her life. Her feet were rooted to the ground as she stood unmoving, wondering if she had conjured up an illusion of your presence. Your melodious laughter echoed through the halls, likely a result of Yeojin’s outgoing personality. Sooyoung walked stiffly through the corridor, coming to a halt beside Jiwoo who eyed her curiously. “Everything alright?” She asked, gaze filled with genuine concern. The older one nodded uneasily, sneaking a glance at you. The shorter linked their arms together in comfort, offering silent understanding for her member.

Jiwoo gently tugged on her arm as everyone began to gather in a circle, keeping a hand on her at all times in order to keep her in the present moment and away from her thoughts. She remained attentive to her member as games night proceeded, glancing at her regularly, but not so often as to burden her. Jiwoo was worried about her. It wasn’t common for Sooyoung to act so dejected, she looked truly and utterly defeated by the events that were transpiring and Jiwoo couldn’t seem to understand why. No matter, she would blindly support her, concerned for her well-being. Her heart panged in her chest at the sight of her closest confidant so hurt.

Sooyoung couldn’t seem to keep her eyes off you, lingering where your hand was interlocked with Heejin. The way you two gazed at each other, sharing hushed whispers followed by shy laughter, thighs pressed flush against one another. A sad smile adorned her lips at the sight, she couldn’t help but be grateful that after all this time you were doing well. She was thankful that someone had been there for you after your parting, it brought her a sense of peace knowing that things had worked out in your favour. That you were happy. Happy without her. Better off without her. Shaking her head, she sniffled, excusing herself from the gathering.

The moment she reached her room, tears began to freely spill from her eyes, cascading down her cheeks. She buried her head in her hands, furiously wiping them away, but to no avail. The more she thought, the faster they flowed down her face. She allowed herself to finally fall prey to the feelings she’d fought so hard to suppress. She felt as though she’d lost a part of herself, never did she anticipate the newfound lightness she felt. It felt good to let it go, she was aware the sadness would plague her for days to come, but this was a start. “Sooyoung?” Your voice called into the darkness of her room.

She gazed up through teary eyes, wiping her tears in mild embarrassment as your blurred face appeared in her opened doorway. “Hey,” she mumbled, sniffling as the lamp on her bedside table flickered to light upon command. “Hey,” you greeted, awkwardly shifting your weight from one leg to another as you stared intently at the ground before you. “How have you been?” She asked, plastering a weak smile on her face. “Better lately,” you admitted, a shy smile adoring your lips. As much as the reason saddened her, she couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief hearing the words roll off your tongue.

“I’m sorry about the way things happened, I should’ve reached out,” Sooyoung muttered bitterly. You were quick to dismiss her statement, adamantly shaking your head and taking a confident step forward. “It’s my fault, I was the one who asked for space, you only respected my wishes,” you winced at the memory. “I suppose we both could have handled the situation differently,” she admitted, silently offering you a seat on her bed with a tap on the duvet. “How are you, Sooyoung?” You asked sympathetically. “Honestly? I’ve been better,” she admitted, releasing a tired sigh. You nodded briefly in acknowledgement.

A beat of silence passed, both of you unsure of how to proceed. “I’m happy for you,” Sooyoung expressed, tone conveying the utmost sincerity. One glance at her chocolate orbs that swirled integrity proved to be fatal. Your heat ached in your chest as memories of your prior friendship flooded your mind at a rate you struggled to comprehend. The disheartened, yet genuine smile that tugged at her pink lips told you a tale of her own misery as a result of the friendship's abrupt, untimely ending. At the sight of her eyes glistening with unshed tears, you felt a familiar sting in your own. “I missed you,” the words slipped past your lips carelessly.

Sooyoung knew you didn’t mean it in the way she’d dreamed of hearing it, but that was okay. “I missed you too, so much,” a choked sob ripped from her throat. She was going to be alright. Healing was a slow process, but she was ready. Ready to move on, it was time to let go of the past. “I hope we can be friends again one day,” you whispered, letting the tears freely cascade down your flushed cheeks. Friends. The word no longer infiltrated your hearts as a deadly poison, but instead became an antidote to your sorrows. “I’d really like that,” Sooyoung sent you a smile, untainted by the sadness that had once plagued her soul.

With that, you rose to your feet, Sooyoung mimicking your actions. Unable to hold yourselves back, your bodies gravitated towards each other, sharing a crushing hug. The two of you remained still for a moment, basking in the memories it brought back. “I’m proud of you, Sooyoungie,” you whispered in her ear. The words she’d longed to hear rolled off your tongue with ease, springing tears to her eyes. She couldn’t contain the overwhelming feeling of relief that overcame her, the words carrying a meaning much greater than any other praise. It was only now in this moment she knew she’d truly made it. Everything began to fall into place for Sooyoung.

A faint knock on Sooyoung’s door has you pulling away, gazing over your shoulder in curiosity. Upon looking up, you catch the eyes of Jiwoo, who lingered in the threshold, eyes dancing with uncertainty. She could almost sense the history between you, unsure of whether to give you two privacy or let her concern for the older member outweigh her doubts. Jiwoo watched as you leaned up to whisper something in Sooyoung’s ear, a mischievous smile playing on your lips. “I’ll see you later,” you muttered, slipping past the younger with a polite smile plastered on your face.

Jiwoo hesitantly entered the room, eyeing Sooyoung suspiciously. The older merely smiled brightly at her, a sudden sparkle replacing the once sullen look in her eye. “Why are you looking at me like that?” Jiwoo questioned, eyes narrowed sceptically. “No reason,” Sooyoung grinned sheepishly, a near unnoticeable pink tint spreading across her face. Shrugging it off, the shorter plopped herself comfortably on the older girl's bed, eyes widening upon taking in the sight of her tear stricken face. “What’s wrong?” She asked immediately, hand darting out to caress her dampened cheeks.

“I’m fine now that you’re here,” Sooyoung said, a smile adorning her lips. Jiwoo let out a squeak at the bold statement, wondering how the words rolled off her tongue with such effortless charm. “I’m worried about you,” the younger woman voiced her concerns, gnawing on the inside of her cheek. “I know you keep telling me that you’re fine, but I can tell that you’re not. I understand if you don’t want to talk about it though-” Jiwoo was cut off mid ramble as Sooyoung reached out to grasp the younger’s hand in her own. “I’ll admit that I haven’t been very honest with you lately, but I promise things are better now. I’m going to be okay,” Sooyoung assured both herself and Jiwoo.

Everything was going to be alright.

This was painful to edit considering the recent events that have transpired recently. I couldn’t bear to leave it with a sad ending, as Loona is going through enough as is at the moment.