#thanks for reading btw. this blog is my only social outlet.

[vanillabat99]

I think I am slowly accepting that I will never be able to be "fully independent". Even though I am living with my family, I still require help and care that they aren't able to provide due to having work or school. There have been many times, especially recently, where I have been stuck in bed, alone, and hungry, with nobody able to help me. I am not able to leave the house on my own, I struggle to make phonecalls, I can't remember important medical information or insurance information, I am rarely able to make meals for myself. I can barely wash my own hair. I don't qualify for any kind of homecare, since I live with my family, and I don't have anyone who can visit me to help like that.

I don't think I will ever be as independent as I hoped I would be. I wanted to move out, have a job, go to university. As time goes on, I'm less and less sure I will be able to finish highschool. It is very difficult trying to figure out what I am able to do. I have had to give up on many plans and dreams, and I'm not sure what I have left to work with.

Disability is hard. I know it looks like I sleep all day and do nothing, but I am simply trying to survive in a world that was not built with me in mind. After lots of time and effort, I want to be alive and have a life that makes me happy, and I want to figure out how to have that. I want to know what "happy" can look like for me. I want to know what my options are, if I can have a place of my own, if I can get help when I need it.

I want to be alive. The world makes it hard, but I want to be alive.

[jinjofitzo]

🩰Intro to me and my blog, i guess!🫧🇵🇸🍉

hey! 2023 update LOL! I’ll be keeping things from my 2021 post, but here is how i am as of august 2023 :]

actual introduction under the cut, important links:

https://en.pronouns.page/@jinjofitzo

https://jinjofitzofunny.carrd.co

Commision prices:

Dm if interested!

Furry ocs may be applicable depending on the complexity!

🌸🐇

Hysha! I’ve betcha you’ve already looked at the title. It is exsactly 1:23 am (i am on the west of u.s.a) here and I decided to make a blog! This’ll be a fun ride, huh?

Basic info, hi! I’m London. I’m african-american (born in america,,) but has alot of german family. Kinda odd if I do say so myself. Though my (personal) family speaks more english so i’m bad at both english and german XD

I’m bigender! That means that I identify or fluctuate between two genders. I was originally female, but I also can be very masculine at times. “that doesn’t mean you’re a man!” i know, i know, but this is my personal life and I’m exploring my identity. I’m masculine and feminine. So now I go by She/Him! Additional information regarding my pronouns will be at https://en.pronouns.page/@jinjofitzo !

Here I will post about my oc’s, my friends oc’s, and even some fandom stuff i’m in for the time being. I do a lot of shitposting and only sometimes be serious, so that’s a warning. My main thing is g/t if you couldn’t tell, i’ve never been able to tell anyone about my “special interest” as i call it around my friends, so trumblr was just the best outlet! i’ve been watching the g/t community from afar and wow i’m so excited to join!! I hope i’m accsepted :))

(Btw! G/t stands for Giant/Tiny, Which is basically just normal people with an extreme height difference! it’s very cute, and i don’t see it as sexual!)

My discord is jinjofitzo (all lowercase)! I also have a youtube channel named FluffyZuffy, and I have no other socials other than the platform we’re on as of now.

By the way,, I’m doing this on ipad! So things’ll be just a tad harder on my end.

I don’t know to much how to make an intro so that’s the best i’ve got for now and my fried brain. Get ready for a lot of memes and stuff!! More about my oc’s later and,, great to meetcha! Thanks for reading!

An edit! I have sideblogs now aswell! @fluffyzuffy​ for my silly little thoughts, and occasional vents, and @dkdoafdoaf​  for other stuffs!

!! QUICK DNI!! 

Terfs, anti-lgbt, kink blogs, pro shippers, camp camp fans (i mean you can if you want,, i just don’t really like camp camp at all…) nsfw blogs, hardcore dream stans, pedophiles, people who thinks minors should die, people with “minors dni,” ableists, hardcore religious people, hardcore vore blogs, and i think that’s it for now!!! tell me if i missed some!!!

By the way, here’s a couple of picrews of mine i’ve made to represent me. I’ll show you some _actual drawings _i’ve made after this post. Muahahaha.

(by the way.. Sjnce I first made this post i have chanegd from Biromantic to Queer/Gay[Romantic]  (i like masculine ppls :] ) and have also started to present more masculine at times, other times more feminine, so that’s why the picrews switch overall feelings) 

EDIT edit, I’m andro! (attraction to masculinity regardless of gender.)

ok i’ll actually go now

[hopoo]

Devblog #12 – Somewhere, Over the Double Fucking Rainbow

Hello there! This is Chris, hijacking the RoR2 devblog to share a few notes on music.

Tl;dr:

Yes, I am writing the music for RoR2

No, there won’t be a Coalescence 2

Chanson à nouveau..

The day I would start composing for RoR2 was a day I looked forward to with equal amounts of excitement and fear. The score to the original RoR is one I hold very dearly. It is music I loved writing, created during a very special time of my life, infused by each and every musical influence of my childhood and adulthood. It’s a perfect capture of me at that particular space and time. It also happens to be my most successful soundtrack to date, primarily because it’s part of a great game that people love to play, but also—if people’s feedback is to be believed—because it’s not too bad in its own right.

Now I find myself exploring the musical world or RoR once again and I can assure you it’s an awe-inspiring place! It’s also immense, savage and untrodden... You can witness this for yourself in the wonderful images posted on this blog and all over the internet, but let me tell you, it’s one thing looking at it and a whole different thing experiencing it first-hand.

The move to 3D was a bold one and I’m its biggest supporter. Honestly, even if it didn’t offer this amazing opportunity to expand the game’s universe into this whole new level of detail and immersion, I would still embrace it only because it gives me the perfect excuse—the obligation, even—to avoid repeating myself. The thing I feared most starting this project was writing the same music all over again. Not because I don’t like the existing music (I love it) but because the existing music already… exists. What would be the point of Coalescence 2 (some people have actually asked for it)? If anyone wants to listen to Coalescence it’s right there for the listening. The RoR OST is a product of very specific, irreplicable circumstances. Even if I wanted to write sequels to these tracks, I couldn’t. They would be mere parodies.

So, I’m writing new music for a new game. Hopefully it will be better music for a better game, but I’m going to be satisfied if turns out being good music for a good game. I know many of you will not be happy reading this but I ask you to be open minded and trust me. If you liked the music for the first game chances are, you’ll like this one too. It’s the same person doing the writing (and performing, and producing, and mixing, and mastering) after all. It will be different, but it won’t be that different.

Paying my Dews

Let’s make sure we avoid any misunderstanding here: I don’t take the RoR musical legacy lightly. Rest assured that many things will carry over, not least of which the RoR motif. The usual odd meter and various polyrhythms will be featured prominently too. There’s drumming, lots of drumming, way too much drumming…. Several cameos of familiar instruments and even entire sections that will sound very reminiscent to old players. And then, there’s the unsung (pun intended) hero: form. Even though you can’t literally hear it you can certainly feel it. Form is the glue holding the music together. Just like with the first game, I’m working my ass off to fit these new tracks into meticulously woven forms.

As such, all the above elements that are part and parcel to the RoR sound will not be let behind. As previously mentioned, this is terra incognita we’re heading into and only a fool would go into the unknown without a flashlight. I plan to use the original music to illuminate all the new one hidden in the darkness beyond.

Forecast

It’s still too early to tell what the new soundtrack will actually sound like. I guess it will sound more like the original RoR than anything else—a definition as intentionally vague as can be. A word I liked using to describe the first soundtrack was “monolithic”. I feel the RoR2 OST will be even more so. To use a classical music analogy, if RoR1 was a suite, RoR2 will be more like a symphony. Don’t worry though, I’m still delivering discreet pieces of music that you will be able to tell apart (and prefer over others). Let’s just say I’ve set up my sessions like communication vessels of sorts.

For the time being, you can sample some new music in the game’s teaser and this SoundCloud playlist (which I plan to sparsely update). There’s a lot of material already written but most of it is still being forged into shape. There are also new things we’re testing to make the in-game music more dynamic and meaningful to the player, which have directly impacted my workflow. For the moment, all I can say I’m working on it steadily but slowly—slower than usual (sorry, Duncan & Paul!). As I said, while I’m very excited I’m also quite fearful. There’s plenty of pressure to satisfy the many fans of the music from the original game (thank you all so much, btw!!!) and even more self-imposed pressure to write music that I feel proud of and enjoy listening to for years to come. You see, I’m trying to uncover music I’ve not written before and I need to make sure my excavation brings to surface more than just petrified feces…

FAQ

When? When the great Magma Worm in the sky deems us worthy.

Where? All over the place, starting with Bandcamp.

Vinyl? Probably. Hopefully in a nice boxset with an RoR1 re-print.

Engineer Edition 2? Yes, but no sheet music this time around. Too many arpeggiators and modular patches for it to make any sense.

DEADBOLT 2? I sure damn hope so!

“It Can’t Rain All the Time”

That will be all for now! If you made it this far, thank you for reading and see you next time! If you want to keep the conversation going you can find me in the social media outlets below, where I will post the occasional RoR2 update, answer all your questions and share pictures of my cats:

Twitter | Facebook | Instagram |YouTube |SoundCloud

Take care, Chris

[entjchasingenfp]

Hey Sukhwinder, I wrote you a letter to make myself feel better.

The truth is I’ve thought about you a lot over the last couple of years. Not everyday or even every month, but sporadically, on boozy nights and wintry mornings. Oddly enough, I don’t feel guilty, because I know it’s more than you’ve thought of me. I’ve reached a point where I no longer remember why we ended things. I know I was a dick, in more ways than one. Thought we made up when you left, and would never have expected my Bombay trip to pan out the way it did. You’d told me it was your homosexual phase, and I’m sure you had your reasons. We both got salty soon after, meaning we never really got around to talking about it.

Am not bitter about it though, how could I be? The only girl I ever asked out, the only girl who broke up with me. And it isn’t some weird “one that got away” complex (even though I was initially resolute it is). I was madly into someone who I wasn’t instantly sexually attracted to. The guy who’s literal type was “skinny girl,” was into someone larger than him (you knew this had atleast one fat joke). And only you can appreciate that I mean that as a compliment. I can imagine you wincing with amusement as you read that last sentence, or maybe you don’t do that anymore. Do you remember the first thing you said to me when you saw me in Bombay? I seldom have such vivid memories, or maybe I’ve just re-played it in my head too many times.

Now that I’m no longer bitter about it, I guess I can finally admit how much I miss you. Maybe it’s just the effect you have on people, maybe it’s just the effect you had on me. Perhaps what I miss more than anything else was just talking to you. It felt like such a safe space, I could be unabashedly honest - no matter how politically incorrect or socially abhorrent what I had to say was. You dragged me into the world of memes and puns (among other trends I’d sworn to hate), indie music and photography..almost effortlessly pulling me out of my comfort zone. It all felt so natural that it didn’t even strike me till much later (Low-key still say s2g on text sometimes). I miss having someone to talk to like that. The only relationship I’ve had that comes close, was Ardy. And now we’ve grown apart too. Something about living in different countries, pursuing completely different courses, and a general social lethargy. It’s still not the same though, my relationship with Ardy was never romantic (obviously, among other things..I was a homophobic turd), it’s just the only other time I’ve felt as comfortable. Never met someone with such a similar upbringing, reatable parents and an almost identical outlook on life. I’d always been taught to appreciate differences in opinion, not marvel at finding common ground. I miss being in a relationship with my best friend. My time with you made me feel so at ease with myself. You brought out the best in me, yes that dickhead persona you knew was the best part of me. Thank god you never got around to the rest of it. Do you remember the only thing we promised each other? That we wouldn’t forget one another. This is me doing just that; not that I could forget if I tried.

Damn, I’m starting to realise this blog is going to be more depressing than romantic. And also that I can’t write for shit anymore. My grammar and general vocabulary is so off, should probably stick to writing legal essays. I don’t know why I’m writing this, it’s not a “ily take me back,” more like “I’m sorry and I miss you.” Hahaha it’s an exercise in vanity anyway, this is officially the outlet to my metaphorical best friend. You can now fully appreciate what a loser I am, terse kya chupana. The way things have been, as much as I’d like it to be otherwise, don’t think we’ll be talking again. Did you know you were the last meaningful relationship I had? It’s now been more than five years since we last met. Ironically enough, I’m moving to Colaba next week. Didn’t have a girlfriend in college. Don’t know if it was a lack of trying, general disinterest or substance abuse but being single was the new norm. I haven’t been able to be romantically interested in a girl since. The thrill of the chase is now far more tempered. You’ve admittedly set the bar pretty damn high, let’s just hope I don’t die alone at this point.

Do you remember our conversations since then? Don’t know if we were holding back or just being awkward, but it was not the same. The first time you called felt homely, made me realise how much I missed your voice. Wanted to ask you to sing, but I couldn’t get myself to. Your singing, man how I miss your singing. Still randomly log on to YT to listen to your cover of “Set the Fire to the Third Bar” sometimes. Messed that call up by getting drunk anyway. Can’t remember if you’d asked me not to drink, or were upset I was drinking in general, but the end of that conversation was far from ideal..distinctly recall tossing in bed that night. The other time was our WhatsApp exchange. I remember jumping at the mail I’d received from tumblr and frantically texting you. I must’ve said something politically incorrect or offensive, because you weren’t keyed in like you usually were..maybe you were just disinterested, or otherwise preoccupied (maybe both). The only reason I remember is because I’d stayed up hoping you’d text back. Equal parts pathetic and egotistical, sue me.

Meh, it all feels like a distant dream now anyway. Between Anisha’s vilification of me, and my disdain for your sister, I feel like your half of the world is happier things didn’t work out. And given the person I am now, think this worked out better for you too. The ENTJ who wanted to be Ari Gold is slowly but surely becoming an INFJ Bulowski (albeit more financially secure, atleast earlier). Every subsequent conversation feels like a step in the wrong direction, and an injustice to the person you are.

But anyway, all’s well that ends okay, here’s a playlist that I hope you’ll see some day ( https://open.spotify.com/playlist/66ldRlxNzIDTWrC0kbb8kp?si=NVLezfJCRVO93T_JSiJEKg). I’m sure you remember Romeo&Juliet and Laughter Lines. I still smile every time I see the FB dp you can’t change. To Live a Life was from a playlist Swrang had shared when you just moved to Bombay(I stalk him religiously now btw). It’s called “the Blanket as a home within a home”..the title and the lyrics just seemed to make perfect sense. And the last is a classic by Adele, can’t think of anyone else when listening to it..too many lines align with how I still think about you. Didn’t add Stateless because it didn’t seem to fit the whole “woes of the past” theme I had going. Do you remember what I planned to do if we had exited Delhi platonically? Was going to give you a letter with only 4 words on it - Do I wanna know? You said you’d have killed me if I’d done that. It’s the only other song I couldn’t get myself to add. Still hope you listen to these songs sometime though, and maybe you’ll think of me while I’m thinking of you. “I wish nothing but the best for you.”

Yours sincerely,

Kanishka

[marlyn-hallow]

A Little (Lot) Bit About Me and This Blog Thing

First off, I don’t exactly want to be a liar, so Marlyn Hallow is not my real name -- for safety reasons. I don’t fancy stalkers or being stalked. Second, no, I do not plan on sharing my real name, that would just defeat the whole purpose. Third, I am not 17 years old, although, I am also not a 60 year old pervert. For some truth, my age is within 2 years of the age of 17, so feel free to assume. I’ll never correct you. Forth, yes, that is a picture of me from the side. Photoshop and picture credits go to me, myself, and I (and no, not the song, sorry guys). Finally, everything I write is/was never taken from someone else, so that main aspect about me is truthful on here.

Here’s a little more about me:

My biggest pet peevs are texting & driving and grammatically incorrect things.

I’m 5′4″ (or am I?)

I weigh.... .00000000000000000000091116173% in lbs of the earth’s mass. Come on, if you really want to know, you must work for it.

My eye color is brown.

My hair color is changing.

My favorite color is... ask me if you want to know.

My favorite book is any book... ask me if you want to know which I’d recommend or which are my top 10 favorites, I can’t have just one.

I have a love/hate relationship with socializing. Some days I’m an introvert, some days I’m an extrovert.

I like public speaking.

I love reading.

I love being by myself. Being alone doesn’t mean I’m lonely.

I kind-of like shopping.

I have one dog, an Airedale, who is probably secretly gay (no hate), is the most vocal dog, and has the worst farts. His name is Baxter.

I have one fish, a Beta, and he is blue, purple, and green. He is feisty; I used to have 3 shrimp in a 5 gallon tank with him, they were doing great for a few months, then all three shrimp died within a week of each other, so I’m blaming the Beta. He is also very demanding and egotistical, but otherwise a good tank mate for only himself. His name is Linguine.

I love the Spanish language, and I’d say that I know enough of the language that if I have to talk to a native speaker, I could get my point across. I’m also going into my fifth year of taking the language as a foreign language class. At this point, my high school has this as a college course.

I love everything about school, except getting up early and some of the people.

I want to be an aerospace engineer and am currently in a program partnered with NASA, so I’m almost there, not just saying that to be cool. (BTW, dear God, it’s so hard, what people are doing in this program. Be thankful that there are people smart enough and willing to do that job, because I am.)

I am lazy. (no shame)

I own a Range Rover Evoque and it is lime green (don’t think that is the actual name) and I am very proud of it.

And I just realized that this post is going to be very long and I sound really boring and stuck up. I promise I smile. And I try to be humble. And nice. And caring. I swear to you, if you’re still reading this, I’m not mean. I do not judge (unless you’re a murderer or (real talk) rapist or animal abuser, then get out of here please, I don’t want you).

I am a violinist.

I am Caucasian.

I was born and raised in the good ol’ US of A.

I have a love like no other for Italian food.

I also love, love, love Tiramisu. If you want my age, send me a Tiramisu the size of the empire state building.

I also hate lady fingers and espresso, which is weird, because if you’ve ever made Tiramisu, those two things are literally half of it.

My favorite coffee is either black over ice, or hot with milk and 3 sugars. I also hate Starbucks hot coffee and everything else, except for the iced coffee and strawberries and cream frappuccino.

My favorite tea is a tie between Earl Grey tea with sugar and English Breakfast Tea with sugar and lemon.

I live on the east coast of the USA, and that’s as close as you’re getting to my location.

I also love the idea of pen-pals, but have no idea how to even begin, so if you’re male and between the ages of 17 and 21, hit me up, yo. Lol, jk. (*breaks character**cringes at herself*)  Hah, it’s not like I’m some loser who has her nose in a book 24/7 and the majority of people she talks to are girls and never gets invited to parties, ha ha. ha....ha.... oh wait.... Seriously though, those preferences are preferable, but if you are a girl and want to talk, that’s fine to. I just need a straight (but again, no hate, none at all. Love is love, spread the word, people.) guy in my life because right now, it’s so full of girlishness and disgustingly pinkness that I’m sick. Let’s talk about farts and cars and food and disgustingly gorgeous stuff with each other and give advice on the opposite gender. I’ll be your confidant and if you want, you can be mine. But, no sexual stuff/exchanges, nah uh, I ain’t about that life. Unless you just want advice, want to ask questions, want to tell me a story about some sexual adventure or horror story you had, or just any other thing like those, then okay, that’s cool. Just no engaging in sexual activities over whatever platform we are using. I’m looking for a friend, not a hookup. And now, since writing that, I might make a post about looking for a pen-pal...so, if anyone reads this and sees a post similar to this part, yes, I know I already said this. And for anyone who is wondering or hasn’t figured it out yet, I am a straight girl, but really, I promise, I can’t stress this enough, I do not judge or hate on the LGBTQ community. If you are gay, lesbian, queer, black, white, brown, purple, bisexual, asexual, pansexual, metrosexual, alien, Chinese, Japanese, Asian, Spanish, Brazilian, Italian, you get my point, I don’t care and it makes no difference to me or to how I will treat you. We are all human -- except for you, alien, I see you -- and therefore, we all deserve love and equal treatment and opportunities. Okay. There. I think I’ve finally made my point.

If you want to know anything else, feel free to ask, I wont bite. *winks weirdly like on steroids*

This Blog Thing:

This blog that I’m starting is going to be a piece of work, and this is sorta my first one. I did have one I tried to start on weebly and soon gave up after because I just forgot about it. But this one is different. Or so I keep telling myself. This one is going to be me ranting, informing whoever reads my crap about my life, and boasting about my earthly accomplishments. This post is going to be my outlet because I currently have very few. I will combust without this. So, if nobody reads this, I’m fine with it. This is for me, for my health. If people do read this and ask me questions or comment or interact with me or anything, then I guess this blog is for y’all, too, then, not just for me.  This blog will also be my brain word-vomiting, so sorry in advance. I would do a vlog, but Lordy Jesus, that’s so much work that I don’t have the time nor energy to do. I am also kind of shy, so I’m trying to break out of my shell a little bit on here. So, this is me, the real me with a fake name and and a fake age. I don’t think I bruise too easily, so if you’re a hater, hate. Just not on anybody else, only me. If you do hate on someone else, I will come for you, be waiting. 

So, without further ado, let me begin... tomorrow, though, I want to sleep first.

Goodnight everybody! (although I’m probably the only one reading this)