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thoughtidtry · 22 hours

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Dress pt.1 - LN

SUMMARY: Lando's best friend can't keep pretending he's not her everything. Not after missing seeing him in person for so long. PAIRING: Lando Norris X LongDistanceBestfriendfem!reader A/N: Inspired by Lando's race win and song Dress by Taylor Swift. First time publishing my fanfics so I’d love to hear what you think! Almost 2K..... I'll do a pt.2 cause I still have more thoughts on Lando with this song.

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"Our secret moments in a crowded room. They got no idea about me and you"

Lando couldn't stop smiling at his phone in the paddock, not when you were the one texting him. All the drivers knew about his best friend, who they never got to meet.

"She's a busy person"

He would declare anytime they teased him about meeting you or asked if you were coming to a race. It wasn't that he didn't want you to come or that he didn't want you to meet the other drivers, more he didn't want to share your time. He wasn't lying to them per se you were busy and had moved to America for university as soon as you both had graduated secondary school. It didn't matter he had never actually invited you to a race.

"I'm spilling wine in the bathtub. You kiss my face and we're both drunk"

He could remember the night or well day you left like it was yesterday. The night before your flight, he had stayed over to spend as much time with you as possible. The giggles you made sneaking back into your room after your parents had gone to bed were almost as intoxicating as the wine you had brought back. You both stayed up drinking and reminiscing over the years you had spent together.

Somehow you had both ended up in the bathroom attached to your room. Too drunk to sit let alone stand, you had made yourself comfortable in the bathtub while he was seated beside you leaning up against it. He doesn't remember what was said or how it happened, but he will never forget how soft your lips felt against his or how you sighed after the kiss with a dopey grin as if a weight had been lifted off your chest.

The next morning he woke up in your bed but you were nowhere to be seen. A note on the bedside table along with some pain meds was all that was left.

Tried to wake you to say bye before my flight, but you wouldn't wake up. I don't know how much we drank but I've got a killer headache and can't remember anything so thanks for that. Text me when you wake! Love, Y/N

You had always kept in contact but he never would tell you what happened that night. He didn't want to lose you even if that kiss would haunt him every time he closed his eyes. You managed the time difference well, never judging the other for being up or asleep at random times throughout the day.

Late-night calls when you wanted to tell him something funny between classes changed to funny things your friends had done once you graduated from university. Even the early morning drunken messages he'd get around the time he woke up were moments he cherished. He missed having you next to him. Wished you would come home, but you have your life now in America and found a good job after university.

"All of this silence and patience. Pinning and desperately waiting"

Little did Lando know, the other drivers had stolen his phone and gotten your number long ago just waiting for the right moment to use it. Daniel was the first to reach out and introduce himself explaining Lando had wanted to let you know his phone had died.

You had shrugged it off, with how much Lando talked about the other driver it didn't seem that surprising to you that Lando had given your number to him. It was no surprise to Daniel how friendly and kind you were, but how smart you were was a shock. He never would have imagined their little Lando was friends with a lawyer.

Carlos and Oscar followed soon after hearing more about you from Daniel. They both said they wanted to get some stories of Lando as a kid to make fun of him so they begged Daniel for your number and to not tell Lando. You had a laugh retelling stories to them both that you knew Lando would be embarrassed about.

Max and Charles on the other hand had respected Lando's privacy when it came to you until they were added to a group chat with you made by Oscar without Lando's knowledge.

You didn't speak to the other drivers much in the group chat so you had forgotten it existed most of the time. They would send you pictures of Lando doing goofy things every once in a while, but that was about it. Never once did you think to mention it to Lando, it was a little secret look into his world and the photos gave you a way to know he was having fun. They reminded you of all the good times you both had shared together.

"Flashback when you met me. Your buzzcut and my hair bleached. Even in my worst times, you could see the best in me."

Secondary school hadn't started out easily for you, having moved away from all of your primary school friends. As a farewell, you all decided to color each other's hair. You had ended up a platinum blonde which made you stand out even more on the first day of school. Making new friends was hard at first. Most of the time you felt alone in a sea of unfamiliar faces.

It was probably the worst time of your life looking back. At least until a boy with a cheeky grin and sassy comebacks made it his mission to befriend you. At first, you didn't know what to make of the boy. Turned out his friend group had done something similar to yours but had buzzed all their hair off instead of dyeing it. He saw the girl with good grades who sat alone every day not as a freak like everyone else but as someone worth taking a chance on. You had no right to fall as fast as you did, but you couldn't help it. He was funny, kind, and well perfect.

"Flashback to my mistakes. My rebounds, my earthquakes. Even in my worst lies, you saw the truth in me."

As secondary school went on, Lando changed, not as a person but physically. No longer was he the straggly, small, buzzcut kid. He got taller, grew his hair out, and even became charming in a way you would never have imagined. Looking back he could remember getting his first girlfriend and how excited he was only to have his heartbroken.

He dated around more from then on, never getting attached to another girl. By developing a confident and flirtatious appearance he could avoid being hurt again. It worked on everyone as he gained popularity, everyone except you. You saw him for who he really was, always there to catch him when the mask slipped off and he shattered on the ground. Something he would always appreciate you for.

"All of this silence and patience. Pinning and anticipation"

When the drivers had first approached you with their plan you were skeptical.

Would he even want to see me after all this time?

You thought. You two had always talked about meeting again but your schedules never aligned. He always had a race or you had a case that you could miss. They talked about how Lando had seemed down the last couple of weeks while you had been busy with a case, how they thought he missed you, and that they had a race in America soon. Blow care to the wind you agreed. How could you miss the chance to see him again.

Clutching the hem of your shirt as you walked into the paddock for the first time, Daniel was waiting past security to show you around. Oscar had been able to pull some strings and get you a Race Day VIP pass without Lando knowing. You texted in the group chat and Daniel had been sent to come get you so Lando wouldn't notice. He couldn't stop talking about how excited he was to see the look on Lando's face as you two walked.

"Say my name and everything just stops. I don't want you like a best friend."

Soon enough Lando's laughter fills the air as Carlos holds his shoulder while bending over in laughter as well. You stood still for a moment watching to carve this memory of him into your mind before moving closer.

You smiled a bit to yourself, he was always the life of the party, always finding a way to make everyone around him laugh, and as always oblivious to his surroundings. He was still the same Lando you had fallen for all those years ago.

"Hey, Lan."

You said once you were a few feet away. Lando froze for a moment before turning around to look at you in shock. He couldn't believe you were here. Really here standing in the paddock only a few feet away next to Daniel of all people. He decided he didn't care how it happened only that it did.

Your hands started to shake as he stared at you. You wanted to hug him, kiss him, do something, but you were stuck. Stuck looking at him with hope in your eyes that he would say something, do something. Anything.

Carlos chucked at Lando's state before patting him on the back.

"Well, are you just gonna stand there? You know it took a lot of planning to get her here."

Lando snapped out of his trance, looking in between Carlos and you before breaking out in a sprint straight for you with the biggest smile on his face. He lifted you up by the waist spinning around with you in his arms.

It felt so good to have you in his arms again after all this time. At that moment, he realized it didn't matter how long it had been you were his home and he wasn't gonna let you go again.

#lando norris x reader #mutual pining #long distance romance #long distance friendship #lando norris #formula 1 #lando x reader #mclaren

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 15 hours

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Blurred Lines 3

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, power imbalance, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Your relationship with your boss takes an unpredictable turn.

Characters: Nick Fowler

Note: some more Nicky for the girlies.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

The next day, you arrive to an empty house. After Nick’s stormy mood, you��re grateful for the respite. Despite your efforts to forget his comments, to not let them seep too far into your head, you spent most of the night thinking of your marriage; of your widowhood. You’ve worked through most of those emotions but you’ll always miss your husband.

Around noon, you receive the crate of bottles you ordered the day before. The man who drives the large truck offers to bring them inside. You’ve noticed that as you get a few finer lines and a little more cushion, others tend to treat you as fragile. You don’t complain. Liquor is heavier than you would assume at a glance.

You thank the driver and send him off, returning to the den to sift through the box. You keep the glass cabinet open and pluck out the empty glass, or those with barely a sip left in them. Nick does the same with the milk; if there’s even a drop left, he’ll put the carton back. Not his problem, a new one always just appears.

You take the decanter and swish around the dregs of scotch. It wouldn’t be much of a waste to dump it, that amount will barely cover the bottom of a glass. You set it aside with the matching crystal glasses. You need to wash them.

As you line up the newer bottles on the shelf, you feel a buzz in your back pocket. You pause and wiggle your phone free, putting it to your ear as you work with one hand. Clunk, slide, clink.

“Hello,” you trill as you squint at another label. You’re supposed to wear glasses to read but you consistently leave them by your couch.

“Mom,” your daughter greets bluntly, “what are you doing?”

“Uh, Joey?” You lower the bottle in your hand, “everything okay?”

“Y-yeah, I just... I’m on my break and wanted to call you while I have the chance.”

“Break? You’re at your internship?” You ask brightly, “how is it? Amazing?”

“Erm, sure,” she utters.

She sounds disappointed. Concern trickle down your neck, she’s only ever been excited about school and her future. It’s what you admire in her. She’ll go so much further than sorting out liquor and dump spoiled almond milk for some rich guy.

“What’s going on?” You prompt again, facing the cabinet as you set down another bottle.

“I... I don’t know if I’m cut out for this. It’s a lot of work,” she mutters and you hear her biting her nails. An old habit she hadn’t had since middle school.

“Honey, your nails,” you gird, “it’s new. You’re learning. Give yourself a bit of patience. I’m not saying it isn’t hard, but don’t be so hard on yourself. You can do it but you know what, even if it isn’t for you, I’ll be proud. You know I only want the best for you.”

“Yeah, I know,” she grumbles, “I just don’t want to let you down.”

“Never,” you assure her. “Take a few breaths, have some water, and no more caffeine. It will only make your anxiety worse.”

“Yeah,” she sniffs, “yeah, I did have an extra shot in my latte.”

“Alright, well, you call me later. Take your break for yourself. You know I’m always here for you, honey.”

“Love ya,” she resigns with a sigh.

“Love you too. Hey, if you need a break, let me know. We can make it work.”

“No, no, I can do this,” she insists, “it's only week two. I'm just being a baby.”

“My baby,” you tease and she gives and ‘ech’ which makes you laugh, “alright, we'll talk later.”

“Yep, bye, mom.”

“Bye,” you tap the red button and look down at your phone.

For as much as got nostalgic about your youth, you don't miss the uncertainty. You slide your phone away and something scuffs. Nick clears his throat and draws your attention.

“Sir,” you greet, wondering if he'd heard any of that, “just in time, I'm sorting your cabinet.”

“Mm, so you are,” he struts over, a hand in his pocket. He wears dark slacks and a button-up without a tie. “Family emergency?”

“Nope, everything's under control,” you shrug and take out a bottle of cognac. You place it with the rest.

You hear glass clink and turn. Nick uncaps the crystal decanter and drains what's left of the scotch. He eyes the container and puts it back on the table.

“What's your poison? Wine? Cocktails? You seem the type,” he muses.

“I only drink on special occasions,” you say. “Whatever's on special.”

“Mm, and Saturday? You sounded like you had a few. Pretty early too.”

You wince and look at him. You hadn't thought you were that obvious, especially over the phone. Well, he did say he reads people. You suppose you're not that hard to decipher.

“Two dollar mimosas,” you slip the empties into box and close the flaps.

“Mm,” he scoffs, “bubbly.”

“Gives me heartburn,” you say dismissively as you pick up the box. “Did you need anything, sir? Should I make lunch?”

He squints as you and sucks in his cheeks, emphasizing the squareness of his jaw.

“I'm having people over,” he states.

“Right, I'll get the good porcelain out,” you say.

“Work,” he intones. “You can't be here.”

“Yes, sir. I'll have the food done and kept warm in my absence.”

He nods. You don't ask questions. It's part of your job. Just do what he tells you and be on your way.

“Sure,” he says dully and spins on his heel.

He walks off and you carry the box through to the backroom. There's nothing unusual and yet it feels abnormal. Those last few days just feel off.

Work. The word echoes with an edge in your head. Ah, well, that's the crux of most human stress. You suppose, much like your daughter, Nick must be feeling the pressure. He might be your boss but someone up the line is his. That's just the order of things.

🥃

A night to yourself is welcome. Joey messages to say she’s okay now and she won’t bother calling you. You know by her Insta that she’s found friends to keep her company. You hope they can also offer some reassurance.

You settle in with a book on the sofa, eager to retrace your way through the last chapter you can’t quite recall. You don’t get further than a few paragraphs before you pass out. You sink down into motley dreams that sway between reality and fiction; the villain of the novel resembles your boss a bit too closely in your mind.

You wake with a start at the steady rattle of your phone against the end table. You reach up blindly, feeling around to still its buzz. You check the display, expecting your daughter, but instead you’re met with ‘Private’. You already know.

You check the time. It’s close to two in the morning. You sit up and yawn as you let the call roll through to your voicemail. You bend forward and rub your eyes, groggily rubbing your forehead. You’re stiff as hell. You know better than to sleep on the couch.

The phone starts again, shaking your hand. You answer it. If he’s trying a second time, it means he must really need something.

“Hello,” you creak out through your dry throat.

There’s rustling on the other end and some murmurs, but nothing clear. You tilt your head and press the phone closer, hitting the volume button with your thumb as you try to discern the noise on the other end. What is going on?

“...baby...” Nick’s tone is silty and low and met with a fluttery moan. You gulp. It can’t be. Flesh claps and he growls, “you like that, huh?”

You hang up before you can hear anything else. Oh god. You throw the phone across the room and shake out your hands. Yikes. You’ve been the victim of a pocket dial but nothing ever like that. You wonder how it even happened.

Well, you try not to think about it too much. You get up and move your book onto the table. You don’t even dare to touch your phone, leaving it on the seat of the chair. You’re too tired for all this. Hopefully, sleeping in your own bed will wash it all away.

🥃

You talk in with Nick’s dry cleaning over your shoulder. You’re not shocked to find the house in disarray. Social nights are often met with grim mornings. It seems of late that both come more and more frequent.

You set down the garment bags on hangers and stop in the kitchen to put on a brew of coffee in anticipation of another of your boss’ hangovers. The aroma rises as you cross the tile floor and snatch up the suits and shirts. You hesitate at the bottom of the stairs. Like days before, you suspect he also has some lingering company. You wonder if it’s better to wait and put away his clothes once you are certain.

A long rumble distracts you from your dread. You turn and walk towards the broad archway that opens into the front room. Somehow you hadn’t noticed the body on the couch and now you regret that you have. Nick’s bare ass flashes you from across the room as he lays with his shoulders curled forward and his head under a pillow. He must’ve had quite the work dinner.

You tiptoe across the room and pick up the mussed throw from the floor. You drape it around his waist to cover the most intimate part of him. He groans and brings his arm up over the pillow.

“Baby,” he mutters and roles onto his back. You swiftly catch the blanket before it can expose him further and keep it over his middle, letting it fall across his pelvis. You can only do so much as his dick springs up beneath the waffle knit. “Why don’t you get on it?”

You nearly choke at the suggestion. He still has the pillow over his head as his hand crawls down his muscular torso, reaching for... that.

“Baby is gone,” you cross your arms, “coffee is on, sir. Would you like a cup?”

He grunts and retracts his hand, pulling the pillow from his head and hugging it to his stomach. He blinks, his brow furrowed in surprise and chagrin. He stares at you and lets his head loll.

“Mm, guess it’ll wake me up just the same,” he mutters as his eyes flick up and down. “Morning, honey.”

“Morning, sir,” you hike up your armful, “let me get these hung and I’ll get your coffee.”

You turn as he sighs and the couch creaks beneath him. You don’t look back, wary of seeing more than you already have. It’s not unlike him to have his little get-togethers and to indulge but it’s a bit much. If you thought he’d be honest, you might ask if something’s wrong. Then again, your his maid, not his therapist.

“And Advil,” he calls after you, “maybe put some whiskey in the coffee, too.”

You nod and march to the stairs. Minding your boss isn’t too much different than raising a child, though you think Joey was much easier to deal with. And not so demanding.

#nick fowler #dark nick fowler #dark!nick fowler #au #maid au #the 355 #nick fowler x reader #blurred lines #series #fic #dark!fic #dark fic

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01zfan · 2 days

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human like me | l. sh

sohee x fem reader | 7k words

last installment of the sacrilegious series WHO ELSE THOUGHT I’D NEVER FINISH IT? seriously though, thank you guys so much for your patience and for supporting this series i love every single one of you guys. also sorry for this being different than the summary on the masterlist it was too similar to umf so i changed it. this is also definitely my saddest work but religious is sad to me so it works.

contains: MAJOR character death, depictions of depression, implied virginity loss, cheating (???), kinda a dark fic but in like a very sad way (???)

sacrilegious materlist

sohee was always in your life. you believed that even before you met him he existed in your orbit, passing by you constantly but never colliding. he was shrouded in mystery but he felt familiar, like you had seen his face in the mass of people when your eyes would wander during service. when he came to introduce himself as the new student in your class, you tilted your head, trying to remember where you’d seen him from. the answer was so close yet so far away. you tapped your thigh and tongued your cheek, a habit of yours when you felt bible verses caught on the tip of your tongue.

although everything about sohee felt familiar it was the smell of him that rang the most bells in your mind. when he came in close to shake your hand it was like you were taken back to a time in your life where you felt at peace. it happened so suddenly, one moment you were confused the next you knew everything. your olfactory neurons were firing off a storm, transporting you somewhere when sohee came close. you lingered for a second too long when you came close to him, closing your eyes to try and remember where you were.

when you finally pulled back from sohee he looked confused but not afraid of you. he had big expressive eyes, ones that were a clear indicator down the road that this was his first life. when you apologized and pulled away he told you it was okay, hesitating a moment before asking you if he smelled bad.

“no” you shook your head instantly “you just smell familiar.” you said.

sohee smiled and you smiled back. when he turned his head you counted the moles that dotted on his cheek. something in you knew the number, counting them over and over again to see if you were right.

“is that a good thing?” sohee asked when he turned back to you. “that i smell familiar?”

he pinched the fabric of his shirt and move his head to his shoulder to smell it. you groaned inwardly at another failed attempt to socialize with your peers. too many times you ended up embarrassing yourself or saying something that could be taken as an insult to the person you were talking to. but when sohee was done smelling his shirt he didn’t look annoyed or perturbed by your comment. instead, he leaned forward to you and took a large whiff, as if he was trying to be as loud as possible. your classmates turned to look at the two of you in the back of the class. sohee didn’t seem to notice the confused people looking at the two of you.

“you smell good.” sohee took another sniff, rolling his eyes up to his head like he was thinking. “is this how i’m supposed to greet people?” he said.

when you laughed at his question all of your classmates stared at the two of you again. your laugh felt foreign almost, you were so used to hushed laughs to yourself during boring parts in sermons when your mind would wander. sohee’s eyebrows raised before he laughed along with you.

ever since that day sohee stuck close to you and you stuck closer to him. he had become the weird kid in the school and you were the silent one, reputations that stuck like a second skin to the both of you. it was a match made in heaven.

you remained friends throughout school, both of you helping eachother through the late nights of worship and bible study. you became partners for every project and seat mates in every class after your reputations for being different ran through the school like wildfire.

you remember at graduation recalling the irony in how quickly you and sohee were judged for being different. from the outside looking in, you would’ve never known that your catholic classmates had a tendency to judge and alienate those who were different. kids who had been preached the teachings of the bible before they could walk were the most self-righteous. they thought it was their prerogative to isolate the ones who didn’t fit into their cookie cutter mold. you were all smacked with rulers to instill the fear of god and his gospel in your young impressionable minds, but even after a lifetime of teaching people could still become hypocrites.

even if you had become okay with your reputation, you still felt a stone in your throat after everyone threw their caps in the air. it seemed like before everything touched the ground everyone was gone. people left in their cliques that were formed long ago. after the ceremony you found sohee and you two roamed the school grounds like ghosts. it was strange, sticking around the place where you guys were bullied while everyone else left to the next chapter of their lives. when the moon was high in the sky you guys found yourself at the playground, recalling all of the awful things that happened to the two of you at the hands of your peers.

“to hell with them.”

sohee said it loud and proud as you guys sat on the swings you never got the chance to play on. when you heard the words fall from his mouth you gasped, feet digging into the wood chips to stop the little momentum you had. sohee was still in his seat, only rocking back and forth on his feet. he turned to you with a smile on his face, cheek pressed to the uncoated swing chain.

“i’m serious. they were awful to us.” sohee said.

he looked up to the moon and you did too. something inside of you wanted to agree, to say to hell with all of them. but you couldn’t. you shook your head and turned to sohee, heart beating in your chest as you thought of everything coming to an end.

“one day, they’ll realize what they did was wrong.” you said.

even if you sounded so sure, sohee still scoffed. his head looked down at his feet now as he kicked woodchips around.

“i doubt it.” sohee murmured under his breath.

you let out a sigh, trying to let the need for an apology fall from your shoulders.

“thessalonians 5:18” you say.

instantly sohee beside you groans and tips his head back in the narrow swing seat. you laugh and start spinning in the seat to twist the chains.

“i hate when you quote bible ve—.” sohee complained.

“give thanks in all circumstance; for this is the will of god in christ jesus for you.” you interrupt.

sohee makes sounds of anguish the whole time you quote the verse, and you mockingly increase your voice to be over his. when you’re done you let the chain of the swing untwist.

“and what should we be grateful for in this situation?” sohee asked.

“i met you.” when sohee turned in his seat you suddenly felt nervous. you maintained eye contact, counting his moles over and over again to try and steady yourself. “i’m pretty grateful for that.” you say.

for a moment, it’s just you and sohee staring at eachother. the moonlight shines on your faces, and you both grip the stiff tops of your graduation caps to ease your nerves. even if your outside you suddenly feel suffocated. sohee breaks away from your gaze first, clearing his throat and looking forward at the jungle gym.

“i’m grateful too.” sohee said.

a smile came across his face when he let one of his hands drop away from the chain of the swing. he was subtle as he slowly moved his swing sideways to get closer to you. his hand was still in the space between your two bodies when you let your hand drop as well. it was slow, both of your heads tilted towards the night sky while your fingers found eachother. it was a gentle touch then a tight squeeze as you two held hands. any attempt to look at eachother was futile, the both of you were nervous messes while your fingers intertwined. suddenly you didn’t care about the graduation parties you weren’t invited to, or the events you were excluded from—you had sohee and you had god. both were two constants in your life, both made you feel safe, and both were on your mind constantly.

when you started thinking about sohee more than you thought about god, you knew something was amiss. it happened suddenly, weeks after you guys silently held hands underneath the moonlight. you both were kneeled at the altar with lowered heads as you murmured prayers underneath your breath. when sohee looked up and you saw his head tilt back as he did the sign of the cross you focused on his bobbing adam’s apple. it was ironic, the forbidden fruit lodged in the first mans throat was the thing that first sparked your lustful thoughts.

sohee kissed his hand at the end and stood up. you felt like your knees were glued to the floor. when sohee looked down at you, you couldn’t stop your eyes from going wide. everything about sohee was familiar, you knew him like the back of your hand after spending so much time together. but from this position of him looking down at you, everything felt new.

the feeling that churned deep in your stomach was something you never felt before. it didn’t seem to go away, only intensify as your time with sohee continued. when he spoke to god you felt your mind wander to what he’d sound like cursing the name underneath his breath, bringing in his plush lips between his teeth. when you caught glances of sohee’s hand thumbing through pages of the bible you got lost, entranced by the way his slender fingers scanned down the pages to find what he was looking for.

sometimes the churning hurt, it got so intense that you would almost feel pain in your bed at night. the sin was so suffocating you tossed and turned until you fell asleep—but even your dreams couldn’t give you an escape.

you were taken to an early morning, laying in a bed with silky soft sheets. when you sat up in bed you saw thin white curtains dancing in a gentle breeze and sohee sitting behind them, their sheerness giving you a filtered view of sohee. he was always focused on something else as he sat at the table. sometimes it would be his book, sometimes it would be his phone. but it was always his lips that caught your attention first, soft and pink mouthing something you could barely make out. then your eyes would wander to his fluttering eyelashes, so visible even if your were half a room away.

sohee’s attention would always go back to you, smile on his face as he got on the bed and crawled towards you. in the white room, reflecting purity you found yourself thinking only of the loss in innocence as you backed up to the headboard. sohee looked down at you, right in the eyes then down to your lips. your own eyes wandered too, gripping the smooth sheets in your hands as you tried to figure out what to do next. sohee’s hand was familiar, like it was a touch transcending planes of consciousness as it clasped over yours. sohee knew to lean close, so close that you felt the ghost of his lips jolt you awake.

when the dreams got to be too much, you found yourself pulling sohee away during transition time in the oratory. you pulled him away mid conversation with his new friend he made in the choir. sohee could barely mutter a sorry to anton as he followed behind you, being pulled by his hand. sohee stumbled as you continued pulling his hand to go against the mass of people. you didn’t answer sohee’s questions of where you two were going, and you didn’t stop moving until you both were cramped inside the janitors storage closet.

sohee looked around the room, staring up at the single lightbulb that hung from the ceiling.

“is this the new prayer room?” sohee asked.

you shook your head, trying to figure out how to confess to your friend that you were sinning at the thought of him.

“sohee.” you’re serious, and sohee looks at you worried as the lightbulb above your heads sways in space. “i have sinned.” you confess.

his head tilted slightly as he tried to figure out what happened. he looked at the top of your head when you hung it in shame, gripping his hands as you tried to come up with the words to say.

“is it bad?” sohee asked quietly.

you knew now that you were being dramatic then. compared to what you ended up doing later in life, having lustful dreams about your friend wasn’t even the tip of the iceberg. but when you’re young you don’t know any better, and when you are taught about cardinal sin and damnation you think everything is absolute. so even though they were only dreams, the tears welled at your water line as you nodded your head to sohee’s question.

“like, how bad?” sohee asked.

“cardinal.” you said simply.

sohee did a sharp intake of his breath and you went back to letting your head hang. you felt the heat start in your chest at the humiliation. no amount of repenting could save you, or take the thoughts from your mind.

“which one?” sohee asked.

you were convinced you were cursed, even in with the gravity of the situation weighing down on you in the cramped closet your eyes still found their way to sohee’s lips. how he chewed on them as he tried to figure out what to say to you. how his eyes were wide as he looked at you. his hands that held tightly onto yours. you counted the moles on his face over and over again until you found the words, trying to shake the thought’s from your mind.

“lust.” you answered.

sohee had to strain his ear and repeat the motion of your lips a thousand times. from your whisper he almost missed it—he believed he was making it up until he mouthed the word himself. he let your word float in the cramped closer between the two of you as he tried to figure out what to say.

when he saw your head hang even deeper in shame sohee lifted your gaze by lightly shaking your shoulders. it took everything to maintain eye contact with him like this. the lightbulb that hung above your heads shined down on sohee like a ring of light above his head. he began sweating a long time ago, from being shoulder to shoulder during mass now in this tiny space where the tension felt like a thick fog. sohee had a thin layer of sweat on his forehead, and the light that caught it made him glisten. you tried to swallow your thoughts as sohee continued to look at you.

“it’s normal. to feel that way.” sohee assured.

his eyes were big as he tried to comfort you. when you shook your head he nodded his, trying to show you everything was alright. the guilt and shame ate you up inside.

“even if it’s about you?” you asked.

you swear to god that you don’t remember what happened next. all you remember was that one moment everything was still. none of the cleaning supplies moved on the shelves, the lightbulb above your heads didn’t sway from its cord. the next sohee back you into the wall with his lips on yours. teeth clashed as you knocked things down. you stumbled, almost putting your foot in a mop bucket before you greedily tried wrapping it around sohee’s waist. he held it there by a grip on your thighs, but he was no better as he failed to balance himself in the small space. he nearly fell, only held up by the grip you had on his shoulders.

when you pulled away the swinging lightbulb illuminated parts of sohee’s face. even if his eyes were dark from lust you didn’t shy away, you only licked your lips to try and remember the taste.

the first time sohee touched you, it was quick. both of you were so burdened by lust that clouded your judgement. it held you so tightly sometimes you felt air getting caught in your chest and the only relief was sohee sticking his hands underneath your shirt. in relation to things you two did in the years to come, it was harmless. but in that moment, both of you looked to the ceiling in the janitors closet like god was going to strike the two of you down then and there. when nothing happened, you let out a sigh of relief and stuck your own hand underneath sohee’s shirt. you were softer then compared to now. sohee was warmer then too, his skin was smooth but felt like fire underneath your fingertips. when you thought about fire you hesitated, no longer reciprocating sohee’s fast and wet kisses he placed across your face. he pulled away, eyes blown out as he looked at you with worry.

“what’s wrong?” sohee asked.

“this is wrong. god is watching.” you whispered it, like he was in the cramped janitor closet that barely had enough room for the two of you.

you were so stupid.

sohee knew you were stupid, you swear to god he knew it too. even though he put a gentle kiss to your forehead and reassuring pecks to the apples of your cheeks you think now he was mocking you.

you didn’t take your hand away from sohee’s bare stomach, and he pressed into your yours gently. he looked up for a moment, before turning his attention back to you.

“we can just repent, yeah?” sohee asked.

you thought about it too. lust was a sin, but the feeling of sohee readjusting your leg on his waist made you believe it was worth it. you didn’t need much convincing to melt into sohee’s kisses again, to push him against the walls of the small closet until cleaning supplies fell from the sides. you were desperate but still shy, not letting your hands wander from the space of sohee’s torso. that was all you needed then, just touching his bare skin gave you enough to feel that pressure churn in your stomach.

that’s how lust worked. it started off as a supernova, burning bright and fast, over as soon as it started. that’s why you and sohee were able to reach peaks you had never known before just by kissing and pushing eachother against walls with your hands touching bare stomachs. the two of you were moaning into the others mouth within minutes, returning to church service uncomfortable in your underwear and sweaty underneath your tunics before anyone noticed you were missing.

in the beginning it was only touching and kissing, before the lust became unbearable and needed more to be sated. before you knew it you were pushing sohee’s hands past the waistband of your pants or up your skirt, and sohee was closing your fist around his dick with his hand as he snapped his hips forward. you had graduated from the janitors closet to prayer rooms, even sneaking away to feel eachother in the youth group meeting rooms or sohee’s bedroom when his parents weren’t home. it was risky, but that was the thing with lust, it took away your inhibitions and made you daring.

you were always lucky, after coming back from sneaking away with sohee all you had to do was sit in the pew and wait for service to be over. sohee had to sing in front of your congregation, pursing the lips that you kissed swollen with hair your carelessly mussed. he was unaffected, smiling to you in between hymns.

you believed sohee was an angel, someone god sent down with a heavenly voice to spread his word. even when he had his hands down your pants, whispering unholy things into your ears as you came undone you thought he was an angel. with a supernatural singing ability you believed he was invincible.

you found out later that sohee was a human like you, a creature of flesh and blood that could be here one second and gone the next.

to this day you don’t know what happened. everyone kept it a secret from you, or maybe it was something your mind tuned out in efforts to protect your sanity. all you knew was that sohee looked so cold now, and you were the one looking down at him. you finally got the apologies you wanted in highschool. the people who berated you and sohee and isolated you in class came up to you with tears in their eyes.

we were young dumb kids back then.

sohee was so sweet.

we could tell your love was real.

may god protect you.

you almost laughed when you heard the name of god, but it didn’t seem appropriate to laugh anymore. when the preacher got that strange wheeze in his voice that sohee would mimic you had to bite your tongue, and after the service you almost chuckled as you tried to find a word to describe what sohee’s parents were now. what do you call a parent that lost their child?

inverse orphans?

you gripped the plate that had sohee’s favorite snacks as you held back a laugh. you watched from the corner of sohee’s living room, seeing everyone mingle and talk. you felt like sohee that night at graduation, scoffing up to the sky when you said the bible verse. there was nothing to be grateful for in this moment. you weren’t grateful to sit in the front row of mourners, sandwiched between his mother and anton. you weren’t grateful that they asked you to share a memory you had with anton, or to spare kind words. you weren’t grateful that his mom pulled you aside and sincerely thanked you for being her sons bestfriend. you weren’t grateful to stand in the same living room where you spent countless days with sohee after school, talking about the future with eachother in mind.

to hell with them.

you adopted that mindset then and there. the shock turned to indifference and numbness in that moment while you stood in the corner of sohee’s living room. you didn’t bother saying goodbye, leaving through sohee’s window after you snuck into his room to lay in his bed. you were nosy in his space like you always were, opening drawers and wrapping his clothes around your face as you tried to recall where you remembered his scent from. you stole a black hoodie, and the red baseball cap that perpetually rested on his dresser. you snuck through sohee’s window, trying to not be seen. but as you had one leg out anton was coming in, peaking through the door like he had done countless times before.

for a split second you saw anton’s eyes go to sohee’s bed. you followed his line of sight, almost thinking that sohee was there. you almost saw the outline of sohee’s body relaxing on his bed like you had seen so many times before. but before you could really take a look anton eyes went to you halfway out the window.

“oh. hey.” anton said when he saw you.

you didn’t say a word to him. the only thing you did was move your body to the side when anton’s eyes drifted down to sohee’s things in your hand.

“i was wondering if—”

before anton could say anything else, you left. you swung your legs over the windowsill to the fire escape, walking down to the street. you drove in complete silence all the way home, looking to sohee’s things in your passengers seat at the stoplight.

on your way home you became increasingly numb to everything. you let yourself cry when you initially got the call, and tears fell when you saw him for the last time. but now, as you walked around your apartment you didn’t feel anything. you didn’t care about anything.

except for that damn light.

the reminder that the sun continued to rise everyday weighed heavy on your conscious, and the fact that your apartment had so many windows made the light virtually inescapable. in the beginning the light used to bring you life, even if you didn’t want to admit it. you didn’t want to admit that you liked waking up from the gentle sunlight coming through the windows and getting an early start to your day, or how refreshed it made you feel. you found it extremely ironic to actively deny the benefits of the sun in front of the sun itself—but sohee was no longer here to make the sun seem dim in comparison. now it was just too bright. your apartment that used to be bathed in the sun felt like it was burning you alive.

sohee used to talk about the windows in your apartment like it was a perk, and for a while you believed him. when you signed the lease he got your sheer colorful curtains, and the sun came through the same way it came through the stained glass windows in the chapel. at first you loved it, feeling like you were always in a place of worship. but now you hated everything that reminded you of church, or anything that was connected to god.

you didn’t want to see the light, you didn’t want to see anything related to the church anymore. god abandoned you a long time ago, if he was even real. you didn’t know if it was more upsetting—to find out god wasn’t real or if he was real and didn’t stop good people from dying or suffering. if you thought about it too much, if you were forced to see what your life had become because of the colored light filtering through your sheer curtains you would only get violent and trash something else in your apartment. so the first change you made to your apartment was buying blackout curtains. once you were done hanging up all the curtains you closed your eyes then opened them, happy to find that it almost looked the same.

after you hung up the blackout curtains, avoiding the world became easier. you didn’t have to hide from the sun underneath pillows or your covers, and you didn’t have to worry about the sun interrupting your long periods of sleep. you didn’t have to go through the pounding headaches from sleeping for too long and you realized if it was already dark in your apartment, you didn’t have to know that life went on. the earth didn’t continue to spin in your pitch black apartment, if you didn’t check your phone the illusion of time standing still wasn’t broken. the sun never set or rose when you hung up the blackout curtains.

the first person that saw you after everything was sohee’s bestfriend. you had heard his knocks before, and then before that as well. you didn’t know what day it was, and when you finally peaked through your door anton looked just as lost. he looked like he was already preparing to walk away, back turned to your door when you finally opened it. he turned immediately, smiling with cracked dry lips and red eyes.

“i came by earlier.” he picked at the lid of the glass dish in his hands. “you must’ve been out.”

you are still silent behind your cracked door, not used to speaking to other people in so long. you mainly can’t focus because of the blinding light. you cough behind the door, trying to clear your throat.

before you can speak, anton holds out the meatloaf towards you like a peace offering.

“sohee’s parents came by service today and they wanted me to give this to you.” he said.

“i hate meatloaf.” you said.

when anton heard the defeat in your voice, he finally dropped the act. you saw his shoulders visibly sag, you saw him smile and his eyes drop. your eyes went to the bottom of his tie, how the fabric was darker than the rest from blotting away his tears. maybe he had the same epiphany you did about the church. it didn’t work, and the pain never goes away. anton looked up from the letter placed on top of the dish to look up at you.

“can i come in?” when you looked behind you getting ready to decline anton took a desperate step forward. “please.” he begged.

you only opened the door up a little wider, feeling like the light was infiltrating the refuge you built away from it.

when anton squeezed through the small space, he brought you in for a tight hug. he hugged the same way he did at the wake, and you stood there frozen now the same way you did then. when it was the three of you, you always welcomed the hugs, smiling while patting his back gently. but when it was just you and anton, it felt awkward. you hugged friends with enthusiasm, but you were always apprehensive of strangers. that’s what anton was now that the reason you two met was no longer there. it felt intimate to have a stranger in your apartment just to drop off food and well wishes. you shifted on your feet and shrunk into sohee’s oversized sweater that only reeked of you now.

anton was the only person on earth that understood sohee like you did. maybe that’s why you felt such a connection to him when he was alive. anton was the only other important person in sohee’s life, and it was something you two wore like a badge of honor. competition for sohee’s attention slowly turned into a friendly teasing and forced hangouts. anton also went through a period of isolation at the hands of his peers. after your shared trauma and shared love for sohee it only seemed logical that the three of you would become a trio.

but now it seemed awkward and painful. anton didn’t realize it like you did at the wake, but when he pulled back from the hug you could tell he knew. he separated from you immediately and cleared his throat. anton’s anxious fingers flexed around the pyrex dish, like the food was going to save him. your hands stayed at your side while you tried not to think about what it would be like if sohee was still here. both of you would be laughing to exaggerate the awkwardness, letting your shared love for sohee overcome the tension. but the veil was lifted now, and you both knew it.

while anton tried to navigate your shadowy apartment, you started thinking about how much in common the boy in front of you had with sohee. the two had the same dialect from growing up in the same town. they had the same affliction in their voice brought from spending so much time together, and they both had the same annoying habit of placing things to close to the edge of counters. if you closed your eyes it was almost like sohee was with you again.

“did you hear what i said?” anton asked.

you could see him look for your face in the darkness, not finding you until you spoke.

“no. what’d you say?” you asked quietly.

“sohee’s mom wanted me to get his sheet music.” you could see the outline of anton’s arm go to scratch the back of his head. “they asked me to cover his parts temporarily.” anton said.

you could tell that anton was half expecting you to decline. you almost did, you had developed the nasty habit of hoarding anything of sohee’s you could get your hands on. the last sane part of your mind knew it was evil to withhold something from his parents, and they were already so nice to let you steal their sons clothes and keep them for yourself. so you silently walked in front of sohee—anton—to go into your room.

you actually preferred for anton to be in your bedroom. it was the only part of your apartment you bothered to keep clean. you saved all the takeout bags and trash for your kitchen, letting it rest on your counters. you dug around your room in the darkness, trying to remember where you put them. anton stood by the door, not moving until you found the folder.

“here it is.” you said.

anton moved to you, standing by your bed as he held the folder in his hands. the two of you were silent, looking at one of the last things sohee ever touched.

“do you mind?” anton asked.

when you saw that he had looked up from the folder to look at your drawn curtain, you shook your head. you didn’t have the words to explain yourself, instead you just got on your bed to unplug your phone. anton followed you, sitting on the edge of your bed as you turned on the flashlight. both you and anton lingered on the lockscreen of your phone, a picture of sohee smiling big in his choir uniform. you saw anton next to him, unaware that you were taking a photo. before you could stay on it for too long you turned your phone off, using the flashlight to illuminate the front of the folder.

anton ran his fingers over sohee’s name written on the bottom and the little doodles beside it. he flipped through the pages, seeing sohee’s annotations and little things he scribbled off to the side. you had never seen the pages, sohee kept them close to his person during service. you remember seeing him up late at night, headphones over his ears as he made his own changes to the hymns. you thought it would only be about music, but as anton thumbed through the pages you saw little sketches of you in the corners, your initials written in heart shapes and your erased name. anton was surprised too, a tiny laugh escaping his lips as he saw everything.

“so that’s what he was doing during service.” anton said.

you knew that you should’ve found joy in sohee’s scribbles. he was thinking about you as much as you were thinking about him. you wondered if he was thinking about you while singing, when he should’ve been thinking about god. your mind started thinking about punishment when your tears started dotting the sheets of music. anton closer the folder immediately, turning to you. he said nothing, only bringing you in for a hug as you sniffled into his shoulder.

“i’m sorry. i thought seeing that would make you feel better.” anton whispered into your shoulder.

you shook your head, finally letting your hands wrap around anton’s waist. you gripped his white button up tightly, letting the tears you didn’t know you had wet his shirt.

“it’s not fair.” your words were muffled into anton’s shirt. you felt him nod against your head, patting your back soothingly.

“he’s watching over us.” anton said unsurely.

you shook your head, going further into the comfort of the mans arms. your phone’s flashlight was pointed upwards, illuminating the space between your bodies. when you pulled away you could make out the shadow of anton’s face, and your line of sight was bracketed with tears.

“if he’s here, why do i feel so alone?” you ask.

in the dark of your room, you swear you could hear sohee’s voice in front of you. he became so familiar to you that you could place him anywhere, even if you haven’t seen him in so long. so when you press your thigh against the person next to you, you swear on your life it’s sohee’s thigh that touches you back. when you flipped your phone around, it was sohee’s hands that stayed on your shoulders. when you heard the person next to you speak, it was sohee’s voice that talked to you.

“you’re not alone.”

it felt like you were taken back to the first time sohee spent the night in your apartment. it was the first time the two of you had been left completely alone, your parents didn’t bother you once you fled the nest and sohee’s parents thought he was with anton. that was the night you were the most nervous, only settled by sohee’s comforting words. he whispered them against the shell of your ear, then huffed them into your neck as you wrapped your legs around his waist. the familiarity of it all crept up on you, and if you closed your eyes you could hear the same bated breath sohee had before he first leaned in to kiss you deeply. you felt sohee’s hands go from your shoulders as they traveled down to your elbows.

you screwed your eyes shut when you held sohee in front of you the same way. he never wore button ups, but if you didn’t think too hard about it your mind filled in the blanks. you ignored how hesitant his dry cracked lips were at first, instead remembering how you were always kissed with such soft devotion. you remembered his soft plush lips, how slowly you were able to kiss eachother when you weren’t under a time constraint or watchful eyes. your imagination made you take the lead, hoping your muscle memory would mold the pair of lips to the ones you were familiar with. but when you shamelessly ran your tongue over his top lip you weren’t fighting for dominance against a guiding hand on the nape of your neck. when you fisted his shirt you weren’t pulled in by the small of your back. you only felt an uneasy hand go to your face, stroking the fresh tear tracks on the apples of your cheeks timidly.

regardless, for a moment your mind and the pair of lips humored you. they humored you into delusion, to the point that you pulled away for a second. maybe it was the last fleeting smell of sohee embedded into his hoodie, maybe he still rested on the pages of his sheet music. but when you pulled away you swear on god’s life that you saw sohee beside you, breathless with his lips parted as he touched your cheeks.

“sohee?” you said breathlessly.

at the same time, your phone fell from your lap face down, lighting anton’s horrified face in front of you. the hand that was on your cheeks went to your shoulder, pushing you back slightly. anton shot up from your bed, his head hanging in shame as his hand wiped you away from his lips.

“i’m sorry. i can’t.” anton backed towards your bedroom door, head still hanging low. “text me when you finish the food. i’m sorry.” he said.

the front door closed before you could say anything. you stayed on the bed, looking down at the shining white light on the back of your phone. you had nothing to say anymore, you had no tears anymore. you eventually made you way back to the kitchen and eyed the dish sitting on the edge of your countertop. you looked at the envelope that sat on top, your name written in tiny neat letters. you pushed the glass dish to the edge of your countertop a little more, until it was threatening to fall. you went back to bed and laid down, looking through the scribbles of sohee’s sheet music over and over again.

that was the same night you had your first dream about sohee. he came to you while you laid in bed, curling next to you and kissing your head through your hair. it was warm and comforting, you could feel his heat wrap around your body completely. sohee came close to your ear and apologized that it would be awhile until you saw eachother again. you shot up in bed when your phone buzzed out of do not disturb. you reached for the empty space beside you, panting into the darkness as you looked around your dark and empty room.

after you yelled at the person who woke you up, calls stopped coming in. there were occasional texts that you couldn’t process and words that dripped in pity. anton friend sent you a text that night about how sorry he was. you were almost able to delude yourself into thinking it was sohee until the word “grief” pulled your from fantasy. you kept your ringer off now, only going to your phone to look at your lockscreen and ignore the digital clock that told you the earth was still spinning.

your room was the only thing you bothered to keep clean, because that’s where sohee would always visit you in your dreams. it had gotten to the point that all your trash was waiting for you on the other side, littering your living room and unfolded clothes occupied your couch. wrappers from candy bars and empty paper bags on the occasion you’d eat littered your kitchen countertops. the food in the dish was long spoiled and your bathroom was virtually unused except for the toilet and sink. your dry soap bar and washcloth became a looming presence and you made the excuse of whispering to yourself i’ll do it tomorrow each time you walked by.

i’ll do it tomorrow had become your new motto. you said it every time you added to the pile of dishes in your sink, stacked so high it almost touched the faucet. you said it when you heard knocks on your door or your phone went off from receiving a text message. several notes cards were crammed underneath your door, things you told yourself you’d read later. if it wasn’t sohee, it wasn’t a priority. the only thing that mattered was keeping the curtains drawn and sleeping to see him again.

#seriez: sacrilegious #01zfan: sohee #sohee smut #riize smut

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1-helluva-hazbin · 3 days

Note

Hello! can you see a girl reader who wants to be perfect in everything (in appearance, in weight and in work) and cries if someone bypasses her? characters: adam or lucifer :)

I’m so excited for the ask! I’m happy to try and oblique. I’m not certain I 100% understand your ask so if what I’ve written isn’t what you meant, send in another ask! Thank you for your patience while I got to this as well! Both scenarios for both characters are going to be written with established relationships (friendship bordering on romantic for Adam, a romantic relationship for Lucifer). Both stories were only quickly proofread.

Trigger Warnings for Lucifer's story: suicide, self harm, self depreciation

.˳·˖✶𓆩𓁺𓆪✶˖·˳. ✶✶ Adam ✶✶ .˳·˖✶𓆩𓁺𓆪✶˖·˳. Adam x fem!reader

Song that fits the vibe: Sleep Token - DYWTYLM

Adam was used to seeing women cry; usually tears of joy from having their brains fucked out by the dickmaster himself or subsequently tears of sorrow when he made it clear he didn’t want them and their clingy bullshit around long term. Regardless, they were a pretty regular thing for him to have to deal with.

In the time he had gotten to known you, which was decently long since he tended to get bored of the winners, he hadn’t ever seen you shed a tear. Even when you both had initially met and he had said some rude ass shit to you, you gave him grace. You were much like Emily in the sense that you were usually a bundle of joy full of understanding, forgiveness, love for all, blah-blah-blah.

Only you were hotter. WAY hotter.

In his books you were the hottest winner he had ever seen and based on how you acted, you knew you were good looking. You acted sheepish and tried to downplay any compliments you got but he noticed the way you glowed when you got them. You fed off of it. Taking pride in your appearance. You were always dressing to the nines, going through every known self care routine, and working out; even though you didn’t need to in heaven. You had it down to a science at this point with all of it seemingly coming so effortlessly to you.

Even the work you had taken up to help out the angels who needed it was easy for you. You only ever needed instructions once and you could repeat it back flawlessly performing it with ease.

The only more impressive thing besides being the most flawless being of all the heavenly creatures was that you, of all the winners out there, had impressed HIM. Besides killing sinners and fighting, you might even rank higher than Lute for badass bitches. He wouldn’t admit that openly of course. Lute would be pissed. Plus, that would make it seem like he liked you too much and he wouldn’t want to blow up your ego. He wouldn’t want to have to eat his own words down the line.

Yet, one day as Adam had rounded the corner, after a long boring ass meeting with the counsel, and he saw you standing in the vacant hallway with your head down and fists clenched. What the fuck were you doing? He started to ask until he noticed that though your hair covered your gorgeous face, he could see the tears falling to the ground. Your shoulders shaking slightly as you tried to quell the downpour.

The moment he got his barings, he started marching over to you. “Who the FUCK do I have to kill?” Your head whipped up, your eyes puffy and cheeks red. Somehow the tears that littered the marble floor hadn’t disturbed the perfect makeup you had dawned.

“A-Adam?” you gasp out, suddenly trying to dab dry your face with the back of your hands. “Tell me who made you cry and I’ll fucking slaughter them.” Adam growled out. As he neared you, his approach slowed but the moment you were within arms reach his hands shot out to gently grab your face. His thumbs lightly rubbing away the tears while trying not to fuck with your make up. His eyes roamed your face, taking in how haggard you look, before locking eyes with you, “Give me a name sugartits. I’ll show ‘em not to mess with THE Adam’s friend.”

The intensity Adam was emitting was a little intimidating and yet, the way he was holding your face was so tender. You couldn’t help but lean into his touch as you brought your hands up to cover his. Tears started to well in your eyes again as you took a shaky breath.

He started to simultaneously panic and get wildly more pissed off the moment it looked like you were going to start crying again. His only tell that he was internally raging was that his eyebrows furrowed more, until you brought his hands down away from your face. You held onto them though as you lightly pressed them to your chest, right above your plush bust.

This was the first time you had ever considered talking about this with anyone. Usually you could hold yourself together long enough to get to your room before you fell apart but, today it had all been too much. The fear was overwhelming. The fear of being replaced. Of being tossed aside. You had done everything perfectly. They all had said so. They had sung your praises since you had come and yet now, their attentions had turned elsewhere. How was it that people could suddenly turn their affections to someone else when you had done it all right? You desperately needed the validation; the vindication. You had done it all right, hadn’t you? Where had you gone wrong? What did you DO wrong? How could you fix this?

You look up to Adam with your misty doe eyes. His gauze tightly fixated on you. He was an honest person. Unkindly sometimes but, he was honest. If anyone was going to tell you how you had fucked up and how you could fix it, Adam would.

“It-It…it’s just…” your breathing is shaky so you take a moment before continuing. “I feel…I feel like I messed up and I don’t know how to fix it. There’s…there’s a new winner. She’s really kind, smart, funny, and so pretty. She’s…” you choke up for a moment thinking about all the ways she’s attractive in the ways you aren’t, “SO pretty… and helpful. She’s so fast at everything she does. I…I…”

“Okay sugartits you’ve lost me. Why were you crying over some new winner?” he asked, utterly bewildered.

You tear your hands away from him as your eyes well up again. You shouldn’t have expected him to understand. “EVERYONE wants her help… I haven’t been able to help anyone out since shortly after she ascended and I feel so…so useless. She’s replacing me… I’m… I’m replaceable… how? I thought I did everything right? She’s so much better than me-”

“Shut the fuck up.”

The words stunned you into silence and halted your spiral, just as the tears had started flowing again. “You really think some dumb bitch is going to walk up in here and take YOUR place?” he scoffed rolling his whole head, “Yeah fucking right. I give it a week tops before she fucks up. As if some rando new winner can take YOUR place. They’ll be crawling back to you asking for your help. BEGGING for your help. You being the goody two-shoe you are though will forgive them for being stupid and will go back to being #1 at whatever boring paperwork they have you doing.”

“But…why would they just… What did I do wrong?” you ask with a hoarse voice his explanation not making sense.

“Do wrong?” He gasped out, “You couldn’t do a damn thing wrong in your life if you tried. They’re just being fucking dumb. You’re better than every other winners out there and when they realize that you need to rub it in their face. Make them LOATH the day they thought they could replace you. Until they pull their heads out of their asses I’m sure I got some stuff you could help me with.”

He reached out and wiped away the tears again. The aching in your heart eased slightly knowing he wholeheartedly believed what he was saying and, for the moment, his conviction was enough for you. Not that it completely quelled your feelings but, you were able to manage them far better knowing you were still wanted in someone’s world.

His eyes lit up, “You know, you could come to meetings with me and take notes or whatever. Give me the cliffnotes. That shit is SO boring. I’m sure your notes will be better than the official ones they write up anyways and I don’t have to read that shit.”

You smile laughing softly, “I can definitely do that.”

He returned the smile, his thumbs lightly caressed your cheeks, before withdrawing his hands. His whole demeanor instantly reverting back to his usual cocky self. “Damn am I good at giving advice out or what? Just another way I’m FUCKING amazing. You know what, I deserve some goddamn ribs.” he hooted as he turned and started waltzing off.

Seconds later he turned and looked back realizing you were still standing there in a daze, “Come on sugartits I ain’t got all day!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

♱𐕣 𖤐 𐕣♱ ☽𖤐☾ Lucifer ☽𖤐☾ ♱𐕣 𖤐 𐕣♱ Lucifer x fem!reader

Song that fits the vibe: She’s An Actor - Austin Giorgio

Trigger warning: suicide, self harm, self depreciation

You would have thought by now you would be used to being compared to other people.

Used to aiming for perfection, without ever truly achieving it.

In life you had been constantly used as a pedestal; your sister, friends, co-works. It had never felt like you could claim the recognition you wanted despite having done everything right.

The perfect GPA in school with extracurriculars to the point you only got a few hours of sleep. Yet your sister’s athletic achievements in swim and cheer had always meant more to your parents.

The modeling career that you had gotten into, with your best friend following suit only for her to have gotten a contract a year before you. She had even attributed it to your help during a renowned shoot. An unintentional wound that drove you to the edge of your sanity; studying every fashion magazine, the extreme exercising, dieting, any pills that might help and you could get your hands on.

Then once you finally caught your own break, getting a contract with a big modeling firm, constantly being included in the creme dela crop of models. The never ending critiques of what outfit looked good on which body for x, y, z reasons. Even if you were chosen more than every other model in the company for being the most ideal woman to show off the reveried outfits of the season, you were nothing more than a manikin. Replaced at the drop of hat the moment you couldn’t do it.

You couldn’t stop yourself though. You had to do it all. You had to do it flawlessly. You were a failure if you didn’t.

Yet, somehow it was never good enough. Damned if you do. Damned if you don’t. Even in death, the out you brought about convinced it would be your sweet release, hadn’t ended the torment. You had only condemned yourself further. The epitome of failure.

Why couldn’t you even die right?

How had you ever attracted Lucifer’s attention?

As you stood in the the hotel lobby, the Hazbin Hotel gala fundraiser in full swing with all the top sinners and hellborns mingling and enjoying the free event, you felt eyes scrutinizing you.

Your corset was cinched as tightly as it would go, reducing your waist dramatically, though giving you a somewhat nice hourglass shape. The mermaid style, galaxy themed dress had a sweetheart neckline and off the shoulder straps. It was a deep hue of royal purple on top before gradually fading to black starting at the hips as it descended your figure with gold and silver stars across the entirety of it, fit your figure snuggly and played off of Lucifer's pristine white and gold tux, his bowtie and pocket square the same royal purple. All your assets were perfectly held within the outfit, with tasteful peeks of skin showing beneath the chiffon overlay at your sides and a silt from just above the knee down. A golden snake choker with its head seated in your jugular notch, accenting your bust.

Lucifer hadn’t left your side since the event started. He had a hand incessantly lingering on your lower back as you both navigated the sea of people. You weren’t sure if the constant touch was for him or for you, but it helped steady you as you held yourself together by a thread. Every person you met was better than you in one way or another; status, poise, brand name outfit, professional makeup.

There was no hesitation with each new face in identifying any and every advantage or feature they had that you lacked. Another chip off your shoulder.

The socialite veneer seamlessly masking the degradation you were inflicting. The practiced saccharine smile never leaving your lips. Well timed laughs. A slight head tilt here to show your interest followed by a slight nod. The only honest part of your act was the high praise you sang regarding Charlie and her truly stunning optimism and strong willed determination.

You could feel the scrutiny lightening the longer the night went on. Some people even reapproached you and Lucifer to continue talking. Prior feigned politeness making way to many of the hellborns attempting political fanangling. Both you and Lucifer’s attempts to redirect the conversation back to the point of the party thwarted or outmaneuvered. Eventually, the conversations fell outside of your ability to participate. You had become an adornment.

You were so tired, so heavy.

Following a particularly trying bird guest whose smarmy quips were particularly taxing you excused yourself from the conversation, missing Lucifer’s panicked glance as you moved away. You just needed a break.

Just a quick one.

You looked yourself over in the mirror. Fixing any stray hairs. Correcting any smudges of lipstick or eyeliner. You noted the contour along your nose could have been darker to thin your fat nose. You’d need a tighter corset as well should you need to attend another party like this.

You backed up to further evaluate yourself.

The prettiest you can be and still you are disgusting.

Your eyes fluttered shut and you took a slow deep breath. No. No you looked good. This would be something you could wear for a shoot. You just needed to change a few small things. Maybe a couple things. Possibly one bit thing. All the comparisons throughout the night flooded your mind, a tsunami. If only you could change everything about yourself. All the things you lacked. All the things you needed to be. Nothing you could ever achieve.

You choked out a sob. Your hands crawling up your arms as you hugged yourself tightly. You dug your claws into your flesh. Stop this. You couldn’t break down now. The gala wasn’t over just yet. You squeezed your arms tighter, not realizing your claws had broken skin. The failed attempt to reel yourself in breaking you further. Failure. Why couldn’t you hold yourself together for a night? You hunched over as now silent tears hit the floor.

A knock sounded at the door.

You held your breath, eyes wide as you stood there. A breath in through the nose and out through the mouth. “One moment please! I’m almost finished!” you call, your voice taking on a melodic tone.

There was a pause. “Open the door sweetheart.”

Lucifer. You didn’t reply. Didn’t move. Didn’t breath. He knew you only used that voice when you were hiding a breakdown. It didn’t help that the bathroom was your go to place. “My sun, please?”

You crumbled.

The moment the door was unlocked he was in the bathroom with you. His small, lithe body slipping in and closing the door behind him. A soft smile greeting you despite the puffy eyes and tear streaks staining your made face.

“I’m ready when you are.” he whispered.

Your eyes widen and you’re frantic at the thought of being the cause of the king of hell leaving. Look at you fucking something else up tonight. Before you could say anything, a portal appeared behind Lucifer. He gently took your hands before he stepped back. He didn’t pull you though.

You stared at him; his gentle smile, soft eyes, adorable cheek marks. The tears started flowing again and your hands squeezed his. You stepped into his room in the hotel several floors up from where you both had been, the portal closing behind you.

A glittery red mist engulfing the both of you before disappearing in seconds. Both of you in the dark blue rubber duckie pajamas he had created for your 1 month anniversary however long ago. His a short sleeve shirt with loose fitting pants and yours a spaghetti strap dress that flowed down to your knees. The gashes on your arms cleaned and bandaged up. Your hair down and make up gone. Across the room, your galaxy dress and his heavenly white suit and usual hat hung up on hangers.

“Thank you…” you whisper, trying to wipe away the endless tears that were still flowing down your face. He pulled your hands away from your face and lightly kissed you. He led the way over to the bed, both of you quickly climbing in. You cuddled into his chest as he wrapped his arms around you. You closed your eyes. Listening to his heartbeat and steady breathing. One of his hand of claws raking through your hair. A rosy cheek pressed to the top of your head.

“Will you tell me what’s wrong?” He asked in a whisper. Your hands clutched his shirt. Embarrassed you couldn’t keep yourself. He turned his head to kiss your hair. “You don’t have to tonight. It’s been a long day. Tomorrow though?”

You don’t want to. You don’t want to face the feelings, to face him. Admit to him the truth that nothing you did was ever truly good enough. That you were a failure and tonight was further proof.

You backed up to tell him it was nothing. That you just got overwhelmed and were tired. To hide away this ugliness.

The look of concern caught you off guard though. He was unmasked. Vulnerable. Asking for you to be the same. He had been open about answering everything you had ever asked him, why couldn’t you do the same?

You couldn’t fail him. You could be a failure in every other way but not for him. You couldn’t fail him. Wouldn’t.

Slowly, you nod and echo, “Tomorrow.”

“Okay.” He returned his cheek to the top of your head squeezing you into him with both arms. His tail manifesting and wrapping itself around your closest lower leg. “I love you.”

You burrowed into his side again, your own arms securing him to you. You smiled, feeling his tail. “I love you too. Thank you, my star.”

Both of you quickly succumbed to sleep wrapped in each other’s embrace.

Neither of you believing you deserved the the other.

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venerawrites · 3 days

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Hi theree 🌺👋👋

I was wondering if you could make some headcannons for a s/o who has a high sex drive. (Like they love getting pounded by their mans💋💋💋)

With kakashi, sai, shino , and Gaara 🌹

Thank you! Stay hydrated pls 🏊🏊

author's note: oh, such an interesting idea! Hope you enjoy! Thank you so much for requesting <3

warning: 18+ content, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

➤ Kakashi

A s/o who has a libido as high as his? YES, PLEASE!

It is not a secret that Kakashi loves sex - he likes reading about it, he likes thinking about it and he LOVES doing it.

Most of his life he has shielded this side of him from his partners, too afraid they would find it weird or accuse him of being a pervert.

When he got in a relationship with his s/o, both of them were too shy to relax and voice out their needs out loud. After they had their first time, however, his partner would quickly forget their morals and would not be shy to literally BEG for his cock.

Kakashi would lie if he says he doesn't love it - there is no more beautiful sight than his beloved on their knees, eyes hazed and hands gripping his tights, while they whine about how bad they need him.

He is definitely a tease, so while he would die to just slam his s/o on his desk and pound into them, he would always restrain himself and edge his lover for as long as he can control himself. Kakashi can and WILL be very mean about it - this man has quite a lot of patience and can prolong foreplay for literally hours.

99% of the time he would give his s/o what they want but that doesn't mean it would always be long and sensual - if he is working or busy in general, all he can offer is 5 minutes of his time and his s/o would have to do all of the work too.

Totally the type to punish his s/o for being a brat later that evening - and, if anything, it would encourage his lover even more to experiment with how far they can push Kakashi's limits.

➤ Sai

Sai is more fascinated by it than turned on by it.

I've always imagined him as someone who likes to have sex occasionally, but doesn't really has a high drive.

Like does it feel nice? Sure, it is pretty pleasurable. But is not something he would actively seek, neither need.

Yet he finds his s/o eagerness to have him inside of them both amazing and cute. There is just something about the way they pressed themselves close to him, looking at him with wide eyes and whispering sweet words into his ear, that really get him going.

He is a very big PLEASER so he would never say 'no' to his s/o advances -even if he is not in the mood to actually have sex, he would always be up to pleasure them with his fingers or mouth.

Sai is not very experimental in the bedroom - preferably he would pound into his beloved either from behind or in a missionary position, but he is always eager to impress and if his s/o shares with him their fantasies, he would make sure to bring each one of them to reality.

Can be quite abrupt and blunt, sometimes putting both himself and his s/o in uncomfortable situations by saying stuff like "You are in the mood, aren't you? I feel your hand going up my leg.", while being out with ALL of your friends.

He would always make sure to show his s/o how sorry he is afterwards tho - and if he was particularly bad, he may even let them punish him for his "bad behaviour".

➤ Shino

Most of the time, Shino would absolutely love his s/o high sex drive.

The thing about this man is that he goes through different periods when it comes to his needs - sometimes he wants to ram into his s/o every day at least twice, sometimes he is not really in the mood for it for weeks.

When he craves some physical intimacy, he would like to play stupid with s/o and pretend he doesn't really understand what they want, till they specifically describe in detail what they want him to do to them.

Just like Kakashi he is a MASSIVE tease - he has an enormous self-control and can edge his lover for a whole day, completely ignoring the almost painful boner in his pants.

Shino has a very high stamina can go for multiple rounds one after the other, making sure his partner is completely satisfied. He would find their limp walk extremely funny the next day.

However, if he is in one of his periods, when he doesn't really feel horny, there is not much his s/o can do - if he is not in the mood for it, he won't do it at all.

He still has some mercy on his s/o so I think if they are very good he would either satisfy them with his hands or will encourage them to use one of the many toys he has brought for them for times like this.

Luckily for his s/o his periods of abstinence rarely last longer than two weeks and once he start feeling needy again, he makes sure to properly show his beloved how much he loves and appreciate them.

➤ Gaara

Right, I feel like I may get hated for this but... this man doesn't really have a high libido. Like at all.

He likes to be intimate with his partner in a way to show them that he loves them every few days or once per week, but it is definitely not an every-day occurrence.

Gaara would find the idea of his s/o needing him so often flattering and he may occasionally give them what they ask for, but I don't see him entertaining it too much.

After all he is a Kazekage and as such he is often either too busy or too tired for sex. He usually gently let his partner know he is not in the mood, but if they bother him at work or during a meeting, he would be bit annoyed with them.

He is not opposed to his lover self-pleasuring, but he won't be the one to go out of his way and actually buy them toys. He respect this as his s/o's private time and doesn't want to interfere with it.

If he is also in the mood, he would openly accept their advances toward him and submit to all of their desires. He is usually the dominant partner, but he is not nearly as cruel as Kakashi or Shino. Most of the times he urges his s/o to tell him what they want, before he rewards them with a long, passionate sex.

Even tho he is not in the mood often, he has quite the stamina and can go for hours if his s/o let him. I think he likes to edge himself more than his partner, making it his mission to make them cum at least a few times before he fills them up.

He is not the perfect lover for someone, who craves intimacy all the time, but is definitely someone who can blow their mind every single time they are doing it.

cc artwork: Rowena Doge

#kakashi hatake #kakashi x reader #kakashi smut #sai x reader #sai smut #shino aburame #shino aburame x reader #shino smut #sabaku no gaara #gaara x reader #gaara smut #naruto headcanons #naruto imagines

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saintkaylaa · 2 days

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Hi Y’all 🤍 Announcement 📣

I will be going on Hiatus May 6th-14th

I know it’s a long-ish one but after the 14th I will be done with school and graduated! I am taking the time to wrap up my school work and exams, and spend time with my family and friends who are showing up for me in celebration of my milestone & accomplishments.

Thank you all for your unwavering support, patience, engagement, and especially love! It does not go unnoticed 🤍

That being said when I get back I will hopefully open my requests for all smaus, headcanons, one-shots, and maybe even cook up a short fic. I’ll likely be more active and have more time to interact with everyone like I’ve always wanted to be 😭 See you soon! love you 🤍

Te veo después del 14 de mayo! Cuando me gradúe tendré más tiempo para todo! Te amo, gracias! 🙏🏽

#saintkaylaa announcements 📻

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blessedarethebinarybreakers · 1 day

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Do you have any advice for talking to people who aren't well-informed about what is going on in Gaza? One of my really close friends for over 10 years now has really conservative parents and she just :// she just kind of believes a lot of the conservative stuff they say and she hears others around her say. After the attacks of Oct. 7th, I think I remember her saying that the Bible says we should always stand with Israel which is just so :((

I want to inform her but I'm unsure of how to, and if it would even work. I'm scared of her response because I really love her and we've been so close for so long but I don't feel comfortable with her being so uninformed and I'm scared of her response. Do you have any advice and even pray for me to be given wisdom on how to handle this with care and love? Thank you ^^

Hey there! Thank you for your courage in even wanting to start a hard conversation with a friend about this vital topic. I'm going to offer some ideas, but ultimately you know this friend better than I could, so if something I say doesn't seem like it'll work with your situation, adapt or discard it.

I also invite others to add on ideas or encouragement. If you know of resources that are helpful for talking about Palestine with folks who are steeped in pro-Israel propaganda, please share!

___

Before delving into this topic with her, start by asking yourself what you're hoping she'll unlearn and relearn. What's a reasonable goal to move her towards?

Chances are, she's not going to move from unquestioning support of Israel to "Decolonize Palestine" in a day!

Moving her towards a simple agreement that at least some of the things Israel does cannot be supported is a good first step, and even that may take time and patience.

Prepare yourself to be happy about even the smallest baby steps in opening her perspective. "Ceasefire now!" may be the bare minimum in what is ultimately needed for true justice for Palestine, but it is an important step. If you can make progress towards her agreeing with a simple ceasefire, that's worth celebrating.

You'll also want to think in advance about where you're hoping her changed perspective will take her. Do you see her on the front lines of protests and marches? Or will you be satisfied if she makes some changes in where she spends her money (boycotting Starbucks, McDonalds, etc.), doesn't shut down pro-Palestine comments, etc.?

Again, being realistic and celebrating even small changes is helpful to keep from frustrating yourself or her!

So...how do you start a conversation that leads to that?

Wait for a time when you both are fairly relaxed, and have enough time that conversation won't be rushed.

Prepare yourself to hear some resistance and possibly even some really crappy things regurgitated when you first broach the subject. Do your best to remain calm, and not to jump straight into correcting every little thing she says — I know how hard that can be, but if you have hope that she'll be open to changing perspective, you want to establish yourself as a space where she feels safe enough to unpack the bullshit without being shut down at every turn.

For instance, in the scenario where she said "the Bible says we should always stand with Israel," responding immediately with "no it doesn't!!" would shut down conversation.

Instead, you might start with open-ended questions the two of you can explore together: "I wonder what the Bible means when it talks about Israel. Would the biblical authors recognize today's Israel as being the Israel they were talking about? / Is the Israel of today the same as the Israel of the Bible?" "What does it mean to you to 'stand with Israel'?" "Does that have to require sending them extreme military weapons?"

As you ask questions together, focus on finding common ground with her:

Does your friend agree that innocent people should be kept as safe as possible in military conflicts?

Does she agree that people of different faiths and cultures should be able to coexist?

I appreciate this post's advice on utilizing instead of challenging someone's deeply held values to guide them out from their rightwing radicalized views.

If your friend seems unwilling to talk about this...

It's okay to table the conversation if things start to get heated or she's shutting down. Let he know this topic is deeply meaningful to you and that's why you want to talk about it with her, as a friend who means a lot to you as well.

If there have been times in the past where she's realized what her family says about a topic has been anywhere from somewhat misinformed to utter bullshit, you might be able to remind her of that past time.

Do your best to make it clear that you are not judging her for what she currently believes — we can't help what we're raised in! You're just hopeful that, like in those past situations with other topics, the two of you can talk things out.

Did realizing that she didn't have all the information on a topic help in the past? Maybe remind her of that too, and invite her to team up together in finding the missing information on this topic as well — which leads me to...

Come with resources.

For exploring those open-ending questions I brought up before, it'll help for you to be pretty well informed in advance both about current events and recent history, and about how Christian theology's been used to advance Israel's agenda.

...Or, if you think your friend would prefer to learn along the way with you, it'll be good for you to at least know of resources the two of you can look at together!

You don't have to have all the answers; you can tell her, "I don't know enough either yet. I'd love to learn together with you." Framing it as something mutual, rather than you lecturing her or assigning her homework or judging her current ignorance, might cultivate that space for mutual growth that will benefit you both!

So here are some resources I recommend:

For questions about theology, including disconnecting biblical Israel from modern Israel, I highly recommend Decolonizing Palestine: The Land, the People, the Bible (2023) by Christian Palestinian theologian Mitri Raheb. If you don't have time for a whole book, I summarized the thing in an article that takes about 30 minutes to read. .

Another, less academic / more storytelling-formatted book that pulls in perspectives from Jews and Muslims, Palestinians and non-Palestinians, queer folk and more, that I find super valuable in summing up a lot of the fraught history and unpacking propaganda around Israel that so many of us have been taught to take as given, is A Land with a People: Palestinians and Jews Confront Zionism. .

Then there's keeping up with news using media outlets that don't sugarcoat Israel's violence. My personal favorite to listen to daily is Democracy Now!, which you can read/watch online or listen to as a podcast. A whole hour of news every day may be more than your friend can keep up with, however, so... .

...a briefer news option is @ So.informed on Instagram. Their posts sum up the big sweeping picture of what's going on, and help put it in context with accessible language. If your friend has Instagram, this could be a great source for her to start getting another perspective on what's going on. .

Similarly, @ letstalkpalestine is another Instagram account that explores history and current events in a succinct, accessible way.

One last thought: be ready to offer comfort.

It's hard to realize you've been misinformed about something important — especially when it's people close to you who've taught you what you thought was right. It takes a ton of courage and humility to realize where you need to change.

Your friend might become emotional about all this; that might look like grief, or rage, or even dissociating, feeling numb. Be ready to offer comfort, to remind her that what she thought was not her fault — that we're all steeped in things we have to work to unlearn, and you're proud of her for being open to learning.

And again I'll mention that if things start getting intense, it's okay to take a break! You don't want either of you burning out halfway through. You can take this process one small step per day, or even per week.

This struggle for liberation and justice is a long one — it's been decades unfolding, and it'll take a long while more. It's urgent, yes, but at the same time, rushing your friend won't aid the effort. Patience is much more likely to bear fruit that lasts.

___

I hope this helps somewhat! I'll be holding you and your friend in my prayers.

May the Spirit of Justice guide your words and actions; may She guard you from frustration; may she open your friend to hearing you out and entering into conversation with you. <3

#dialogue tag #palestine #essays

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