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ordinaryschmuck · 3 years

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What I Thought About "Echoes of the Past" from The Owl House

Salutations, random people on the internet who most certainly won’t read this. I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

What probably gets debated the most in the fandom is the legitimacy behind King being the King of Demons. Some believe that there's truth to his statement, while others, like me, like to think that he was just some stray Eda picked up off the streets. Either option seemed likely, especially since Season One never gave an answer that leaned one way or the other.

Then here comes the writers finally answering the question of who King is in episode THREE of Season Two! Because, again, they don't waste time on giving fans exactly what they want.

Fans wanted answers behind King, we got 'em, and analyzing what those answers mean requires going deep into spoilers. So if you haven't checked the episode out yet, I highly recommend that you do. Trust me, it's worth seeing.

Now let's review, shall we?

WHAT I LIKED

Luz Experimenting with Spells: Hey, look! More proof that Luz isn't an idiot like some people flanderize her to be!

But, seriously though, this is a perfect little thread to introduce into the story. Luz collecting knowledge from Lilith's old books and past work she and Eda made adds to Luz's intelligence while also providing a believable explanation for how she gets new spells. It's also nice to see that she has this little notebook (or spellbook) to help see what works and what doesn't. It's a level of experimentation that proves her dedication to becoming a witch while also exemplifying how she isn't stupid. Occasionally reckless, sure, but you can't say that the person who figured out an invisibility spell through showing her work is also an idiot.

Francios with a Knife: How did Francois get a knife? I don't know. But the fact that a random knife plopped out behind him with little to no explanation is funny, and I will not hear otherwise.

I don't make the rules. I just abide by them.

Luz’s Invisibility Spell: I breezed past this, but I honestly love this invisibility spell. More specifically, I love that there's a limiter. It can turn you, objects, and people you're in contact with invisible, but only as long as you can hold your breath. It helps make the spell something the characters can't always rely on, which is appreciated. Because if it works as long as they concentrate, what's stopping them from sneaking into Belos' castle and assassinating him in his sleep? It's a smart way of explaining why they can't always rely on something, despite how insanely useful it is.

Luz: Let's gush about Luz some more, shall we!

"Echoes of the Past" is another episode that has Luz on top form. She is constantly supportive of King, even if Lilith has a point in the dangers of indulging his fantasy as a powerful tyrant. Doing so would cause more harm than good, especially when King finds out Luz doesn't believe him, but her going along with it was all done with the best of intentions. Luz doesn't want to hurt her friend, and even if she did in the long run, she still makes up for it by helping King learn more about his past.

And, as another reminder, Luz isn't stupid. She's the first to say they should leave when it's clear how dangerous the castle is and is quick to figure out there should be more at the top. Luz is a loyal and caring friend who's also guarded and intuitive when the situation calls for it. This episode understood that, so here's hoping other fans will too.

Lilith: Yeah, she's still growing on me.

I feel like this episode shows a better idea of Lilith's place in the group more than the past two. She's a person who's obsessed with knowledge and learning but considers herself above the jovial nature of King, Luz, and definitely Eda. Therefore, she acts as the perfect catalyst for what jumpstarts this week's adventure. It doesn't surprise me in the slightest that she almost instantly dismisses King's claims due to considering herself more knowledgeable than everyone else. Still, I like how she's willing to believe King once she finally sees evidence that seemingly proves he really was the King of Demons, to the point of referring to him as "her lord." Hooty does the same thing, but it comes across as him fearing for his own life and choosing to be friends with someone who could maybe kill him in an instant. For Lilith, her newfound respect comes from the desire to learn more, and it's that desire that makes Lilith an enjoyable character to me. It's adorable to see, and it has some comedic flavor in moments like when she dismisses everyone else and their emotional revelations to take pictures of the carvings around her. I'm sure she'll cause some controversy like other characters with rushed reformations, but for me, I'm more than ok with her addition to the main cast.

More of Lilith’s and Hooty’s Friendship: HOW DOES THIS WORK!?

ON PAPER, IT SEEMS LIKE IT WOULD BE A BAD IDEA, BUT IT F**KING WORKS!

HOW?!

WHAT BLACK MAGIC DID THESE WRITERS USE TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP SO UNEXPECTED COME ACROSS AS SO ENDEARING AND ADORABLE?!

And where can I get some for my stories...just asking.

But seriously: HOW?!

Hooty Making Himself Portable: Ah, yes. The classic bit where a character does something horrifically grotesque off-screen, and we have nothing but character reactions and sound effects to imagine what happened between shot A and shot B. It's an oldie, but given how hard I was laughing (mostly because of Luz's gagging), it's still a goodie.

Eda’s Portable Bathtub Boat Thing: I mean...I was expecting Eda would use something to catch up with the others, but...that thing...well...I mean, I'm still laughing just by thinking about it. That should tell you how well executed this joke was.

John Luke: ...I'm gonna go ahead and add him to the list because HOLY S**T was this guy disturbing! From his design to his movements to even the sounds he makes when moving, everything about John Luke screams as something that will stay in kids' nightmares for a while. Now, this might seem like a complaint, but to be honest, I'm more than alright with how creepy John Luke is. I highly doubt adult viewers will consider John Luke scary, but I guarantee he'll terrify some of the youngins that this series is aimed for. And that's fine. It's good to creep kids out a little bit with something somewhat scary, as it might introduce them to more good horror stories later in life.

Plus, the reveal that John Luke was only a guard for King is pretty solid narratively speaking. You can see how John never really meant to hurt King aside from one accident when Eda escaped with him. If you want to read into it, I guess it might be questionable to tell kids that something that looks dangerous is secretly nice, but that's really nitpicky, in my opinion. John Luke was a fantastic threat that is designed and animated well, with a solidly executed twist. Some might hate what he presents, most will fear him, but we can all agree on one thing: His theme is awesome (can I get the track for that, please)!

King’s Backstory: Finally, at long last, we know who King is, thus putting an end to a year-long debate. And I fully mean it when I say that the writers gave the best possible answer. Because in a way, everyone was right. Yes, King was just an animal that Eda decided to adopt, like the nature-loving hippie she is inside (She's got the hair for it). However, while he may not be the King of Demons himself, he is still the son of someone who deserves that title. So while he isn't the King, there's a chance he might be the Prince. Once again, there's no direct answer, but given how the writers came up with something that pleases everyone while still providing more questions for debate, it acts as a brilliant move, in my opinion. So whatever answer we get next, I'm sure it will be just as perfect.

Baby King:

My heart was not prepared for that level of cuteness!

King’s Breakdown: NOR WAS IT READY FOR THIS LEVEL OF SADNESS!

But in all seriousness, a HUGE round of applause to Alex Hirsch for his performance in this episode. He expertly captured the raw emotions of shock, anger, betrayal, and sadness that King must have felt when finding out that everything he believed he was is a lie. It's one of those moments where I don't hear a person voicing lines in a booth (or wherever the hell VAs are voicing characters nowadays), but instead hear a living person being emotionally torn apart. It was heartbreaking seeing King so vulnerable as he's so guarded with his emotions. Seeing him like this adds so much more layers to a character that many would mistake him as a cute, comedic animal sidekick. But just like with Luz, there's more to him than people will tell you.

“I don’t even know what’s real or fake anymore!”: I'm just pointing out this line because I believe it's what convinces Luz to help King learn more about who he is. Hell, not knowing what's real or fake is the main reason why Luz got sent away in the first place, so I feel like she can relate to King when he's in a similar predicament.

Hooty and Lilith vs John Luke: This was just a cool scene with some epic moments of dodging John Luke's attacks and some funny ones, like how Hooty said the word "pain." It's a ten out of ten that I would rewind to watch again.

King’s Other Horn: I'd question the logistics of how a horn that got broken off when he was a baby still manages to fit perfectly in the present...but it is neat symbolism of King accepting his past and letting it be a part of him, so who cares?

(The fact that the colors of the broken-off piece don't match the rest of the horn is nice attention to detail as well.)

WHAT I DISLIKED

It's a Little Too Predictable: I pretty much figured almost every little twist the episode offers. But, I'm willing to say that's because I'm in my twenties, and I've seen enough stories similar to this one, so I'm more likely to know what will happen. The little monsters watching this will see it for the first time, so they'll most likely get more surprised than me...And that was my only complaint about the episode...which is more of a personal problem than an actual issue...I guess that means it's perfect.

IN CONCLUSION

"Echoes of the Past" is an easy A+ in my book. It gives lore and backstory that furtherly develops the characters that episodes like this should. It also tells a tragic story about King that still sprinkles in a few good jokes every now and again to lighten up the mood. Sure, there are some nitpicks I could mention (how did King remember his own birth?). But when the good stuff is done so well, what's the point of dwelling on small, insignificant issues? This is still a phenomenal episode that flew past all expectations I had for it, and it continues the winning steak this season is having so far.

(But that's still three home runs in a row. Meaning that a stinker is coming. Ooiee, is it coming!)

#the owl house #the owl house season 2 #king of demons #luz noceda #lilith clawthorne #toh hooty #the owl house reviews #what i thought about

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wraithproblem · 3 years

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Things That Shouldn't Be

Title: Things That Shouldn't Be Pairings: Emhyr/Geralt Rating: G Wordcount: 1,250 Summary: An unexpected thunderstorm leaves Geralt stuck cuddling Ciri's terrified tiny fluffy puppy while trying to ignore her unbearable biological father Emhyr. It seems like a terrible combination, but then things get even more unexpected. Notes: Prompt fic for @omaano.

It's ten o'clock at night, and a whole lot is going wrong: the windows are getting assaulted by a deluge of freezing cold rain, thunder and lightning are incessantly crashing like a nature sounds tape on a loop, and Geralt's got a tiny fluffy white puppy shivering and whimpering in his arms while Emhyr var Emreis sits stiffly on his sofa. These things are all connected.

Geralt wasn't supposed to be stuck with either the puppy or Emhyr. Ciri's the reason both of those creatures are in his house - she recently adopted the puppy, Kelpie, and got spawned sixteen years ago by the ornery bastard, Emhyr - and yet Ciri isn't here. She was supposed to come home from her friend's house at nine o'clock, go to Emhyr's mansion for the weekend per the split custody arrangement, and take Kelpie with her. But then this damn storm came out of nowhere, trapping Ciri at her friend's house to wait it out, and trapping Geralt with the two beings that were waiting for her in his living room at nine. Geralt doesn't mind Kelpie, despite the pitiful little sounds she's making. He does mind Emhyr, because it's only a matter of time until the irritable pain-in-the-ass that is his daughter's biological father makes an unbearable bigger sound that drives Geralt to murder. Emhyr always pisses Geralt off to the point of near violence every time they cross paths, whether it's a five minute transfer of Ciri or a two hour dinner she's dragged them into.

"It's okay, Kelpie. Nothing's gonna hurt you. It's just noise. It's okay," Geralt repeats for what feels like the million-and-one-th time. Kelpie doesn't seem any more convinced than she did after the first million. Geralt's got her wrapped in a blanket and is gently squeezing her through the layers of fleece and fluff, because he's heard that warmth and comforting pressure can calm down a dog that's scared during a storm, but it's not proving to be a long-term solution. Every time her crying starts to quiet or her trembling gets a little less forceful, another thunderclap or lightning crack sends her back into a panic. No matter how much Geralt paces around the room and hugs Kelpie and talks soothingly to her, she's still afraid. Geralt doesn't know what else to do for this poor terrified dog, and it's kind of breaking his heart. Emhyr, he's simply ignoring.

Geralt's cell phone rings, and the breath jerks sharply out of his lungs when he recognizes Ciri's ringtone. He fishes his phone out of his pocket immediately, wincing at Kelpie's devastated wailing when that requires him to remove one of his arms from around her. "Ciri?"

"Geralt!" Ciri wails, in the exact same tone as Kelpie. "You have to come get me! A tree fell on my friend's house and crushed a wall and broke a bunch of windows, so I tried to drive home, but then my car got stuck in the mud, and - I'll send you my location, Geralt, just come get me!"

Now Geralt's the one mirroring Kelpie, with the way he's suddenly feeling very shaky. "I got you, Ciri. I'm coming. Send the location, and try to find shelter that won't fall on you."

"Okay! Hurry!" Ciri cries out, then hangs up the phone.

"Fuck," Geralt breathes. He shoves his phone back in his pocket and wraps his arm around the dog again. It's pretty clear that Ciri panicked after that whole incident with the tree and the house, so he's not going to blame his daughter for making the stupid decision to put herself in some pretty serious danger, but he is going to internally freak out until he knows that stupid decision isn't going to kill her. Geralt looks down at Kelpie, who's got her face buried in his chest and is whining into the fabric she's clutching between her teeth, and sighs. He can't bring her with him, not with how treacherous the roads will be, but she's so small and so scared and he can't just leave her. Dogs can get trauma just like humans can, and Geralt has a feeling he'd traumatize Ciri's poor dog by abandoning her like this. He tries to detach Kelpie from his shirt, just to see if she'll let go, and she gives him these big sad horrified eyes that leave his heart fully shattered. But every second Geralt stands here is another second that Ciri's out there in the storm, so he has to leave now. Acting on some panic of his own, Geralt pushes the bundle of blanket and fluff and dog into Emhyr's arms. "I'm going to save our daughter. Hold my puppy."

Geralt sprints out the door and to his truck without waiting for Emhyr's reply.

An hour later, Geralt slogs back into the house with his arm around a fully drenched and very shaken Ciri. She's wrapped in his jacket, clinging to his side, and the whole thing feels familiar. Geralt's just as drenched and shaken as Ciri is, but he's doing a good job of hiding his inner turmoil for her sake. Now that his daughter is home safe, though, Geralt remembers that he gave Emhyr a puppy. He gave Emhyr, the world's most unsympathetic man, a small emotionally vulnerable creature that needed nurturing care. Geralt's mind has cleared enough to fill with horror at the thought of what might've happened to that poor dog. Emhyr could've dumped Kelpie on the floor to let her cry, or snapped at her and scolded her for yelping, or glared her into a pile of ashes, or -

- fuck. Geralt is going to kill Emhyr. If Emhyr hurt that sweet little puppy in any way, shape or form, Geralt is going to kill him. That is, if Ciri doesn't get there first. Ciri would kill Geralt next for handing off her pet to Emhyr, of all people, and Geralt would deserve it.

Geralt rushes into the living room, already opening his mouth to call Emhyr an asshole and ask him how the hell he could be so coldhearted towards a helpless innocent being that just needed some comfort, goddammit, and - snaps his mouth shut. Emhyr is cradling the blanket-wrapped puppy to his chest, cupping her tiny back with a big hand and softly stroking between her ears with his thumb, and Kelpie seems to... like it. She's quiet, not a single whine or whimper to be heard, and her big eyes are blinking slowly as she keeps starting to drift off to sleep. The thunder and lightning haven't died down any, the clashing sounds just as loud and aggressive as when Geralt dashed out of the house into the rain, but Kelpie is calm.

Emhyr hasn't heard Geralt and Ciri enter yet, their return drowned out by the ferocious howling of the storm, so he doesn't stop talking to the dog. Geralt catches a snippet over the din: "- and, frankly, I understand your fear. I don't like thunderstorms much either."

Geralt's heart beats hard, several times in quick succession, and - fuck, not again. Not another one of those sudden, unexpected, and intense bursts of feeling towards this awful man. He hates when that happens. Kelpie, however, doesn't seem to mind her warm and fuzzy feelings towards Emhyr. Watching Kelpie finally fall asleep in Emhyr's arms, and hearing Ciri's soft cooing noise at the sight, Geralt gets the sinking feeling that he and Emhyr var Emreis might end up raising another child together.

#the witcher #emhyr/geralt #fanfiction

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neocatharsis · 3 years

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NCT’s Mark Lee on Dreams, Instagram Poetry, and Growing Up

Mark has a lot going on — but he’s making time for poetry, introspection, and, of course, the members of NCT Dream. - Vivien Wu

“I’ve been thinking about dreams a lot these days!” Mark Lee exclaims over Zoom from SM Entertainment’s Seoul headquarters.

The 21-year-old leader of NCT Dream is enthusiastic as he mulls over the meaning of dreams, his back against a wall of pink and yellow flowers assembled by his fellow NCT members. He’s wearing a simple, white tee, and when he gestures with his hands, you can catch glimpses of the friendship ring that all seven members of NCT Dream wear as a symbol of their bond.

“I actually feel like dreams hold a large portion of a life, and I’m not just talking about the subconscious dreams that we all have when we sleep,” he continues. “If you put it in a way where dreams are actually things that motivate us, and the drive that keeps us going, especially as a strongly driven person myself, I feel like… a guy with no dreams is like…” He looks up, thinking. “…A car with no engine. So, I think it’s as important as yourself. That’s how deep I go with dreams.”

His interest in dreams is fitting, considering that they are also the central, underlying concept to the lore behind NCT Dream’s parent group, NCT. They connect their three subunits, NCT 127, NCT Dream, and WayV, in a complex, Inception-inspired fictional universe where dreams are the only way they can find each other, and where upon uniting they can mix to form new subunits collectively referred to as NCT U. In practical terms, this has resulted in a 23-member mega-group that is multifaceted in every way — from their musical styles and visual aesthetics to their cultural backgrounds and spoken languages.

NCT Dream’s original teenage concept meant that members were supposed to “graduate” when they came of age, and as the oldest, Mark was the first to leave the group at the end of 2018. Having grown attached, however, fans were devastated at his departure; after a year of separation, SM announced that the graduation system would be scrapped and that he would rejoin the group. Their new album, Hot Sauce, is the first with Mark in over two years. As fellow member Haechan declared in an interview with Teen Vogue earlier this week, “Mark [is] very special. NCT Dream means Mark.”

But before the rapper led NCT Dream, and before he joined NCT U and NCT 127 and SuperM — the man is in high demand — Mark’s childhood dream was writing. He grew up in Toronto, and through doing school projects and essays quickly discovered that he had a natural way with words. Inspired by Percy Jackson author Rick Riordan, Harry Potter, and James Patterson, Mark dreamt of becoming an author, long before he was recruited by SM at a global audition in Canada in 2012. “When I was in school, I was always the kind of guy who would write more than expected, and that became a thing that clicked for me,” he says. “I was like, ‘Maybe it’s something that I naturally do?’ But then that kind of turned into rap writing too, so I guess they kind of clicked together.” It explains his prolific career as a lyricist; since debuting, he’s amassed over 30 songwriting credits across his various groups, contributing to songs as iconic as NCT U’s “Boss,” NCT 127’s “Cherry Bomb,” and NCT Dream’s “Chewing Gum.”

Even with such an extensive body of work, however, penning lyrics hasn’t satiated his appetite for literary expression. In an interview with Japanese magazine Men’s Non-No, he revealed that he still hopes one day to write a book, whether that be a novel, autobiography, or something more philosophical.

In the meantime, he’s taken to writing what are basically short poems on his Instagram, which he created just a few months ago. He’s gathered over 4.5 million followers since then, but having such a large audience hasn’t deterred him from being endearingly vulnerable with the way he writes. When I refer to them as poems, he laughs and looks embarrassed, but when I ask him to tell me the stories behind them, he’s enthusiastic again. They’re short, but offer brief glimpses into Mark the writer — sharp, inquisitive, and thoughtful. As pieces of literature, they’re a little rough around the edges, but the sincerity he’s known for shines through, illuminating the introspective, philosophical side that may not be so obvious in person.

His first poem, loosely titled “Late Night Scribbling,” put into words his musings about sleep, thoughts, feelings, and writing. It meanders from topic to topic, hovering between feelings of hope and hopelessness, before ending with a comically awkward “haha.”

“I actually wrote that by imagining how I wanted to organize my Instagram page,” he explains. “I was thinking of creating an Instagram, then I realized that, well, I’m not really a picture kind of guy, I’m not really a travelling kind of guy… I kind of studied who I am first, and I [asked myself], ‘What’s something that I can really portray in an intimate way?’ and it turned out to be writing.”

“I started to brainstorm what kind of topics I could write about, and then from there on, I started to write a little each and every night, and that turned into Late Night Scribbling,” he continues. “That kind of gave me courage to start Instagram in the first place, that piece of writing.”

Two weeks later, he followed it up with “Black Socks,” a whimsical ode to, well, black socks — complete with accompanying photos of him wearing said socks. Immediately, it feels more confident and cohesive than its predecessor. Using the neat and tidy look of black socks as a metaphor, he describes his own mindset for living life: “Pleasure from perfect alignment; That also goes for my ability to be parallel with my thoughts and actions; I try to live out what’s in my mind, and keep it consistent even when forgotten like a working habit.”

Comments on the posts praise his writing and encourage him to continue sharing these small pieces of himself. On the stage, Mark takes on a confident, larger-than-life persona, while in vlogs and spoken interviews, he’s a bubbly character full of laughter and boyish charm. What the poems show is that, beneath these outer appearances, there’s another layer of complexity that is yet to be fully explored, and it’s not surprising that fans want to know more.

His day job as a K-pop idol doesn’t allow a lot of time for hobbies, though, and he confesses to not having written much lately. Despite that, he’s determined to stay in the industry for as long as possible. “Longevity is something that I’ve always been aiming for,” he says. “I’m willing to do this for a long time, and that requires a lot of work. I’m willing to take that as a challenge and I’m trying to stay as long as I can, but with quality.”

That focus on quality informs his preparations for the upcoming promotions with NCT Dream. In both their fictional world and ours, NCT Dream are a central component of NCT by virtue of their unique focus on growth — the seven members were aged between 14 and 17 when the group first debuted in 2016. Fast-forward five years, and the members are now 19 to 21, having reached a milestone in January when the youngest, Jisung, finally became a legal adult in Korea. When asked if he feels like an adult yet, though, Mark gives an extremely relatable answer with zero hesitation.

“I still feel like I’m in middle school, I’m gonna be totally honest. I swear to God, I feel like I’m… All right, I’ll put it up — I feel like I’m in high school!” He laughs. “I even had this talk with Jisung, ‘cos he’s the latest that turned into an adult. He said that he still feels like he’s a student, he doesn’t feel like he’s 20 [19 in international age] right now.”

It’s been a long time since all seven Dream members — Mark, Renjun, Jeno, Haechan, Jaemin, Chenle, and Jisung — have released an album together, and as the first full-length album since their debut, the fan anticipation is palpably intense. Mark himself has mentioned in various vlogs how important he believes this comeback to be, and that conviction becomes obvious whenever he talks about it.

“We had a talk all together, the seven of us, without any cameras or anything. I brought all the guys together and we talked before the whole momentum started, and I said that I’m willing to put my everything on this one. Like, I always had, but I feel like… the whole universe, or like— ” He pauses, trying to figure out how to articulate himself, and his next line is the most emphatic of our whole conversation. “There are things that are out of our control, but we can see and feel when the pieces match together sometimes, and I feel like this specific moment, this particular album, kind of had those essential parts.”

He’s thinking about all of the context surrounding this comeback: the group’s coming of age, the reunion of all seven members, the scale of the album, the fact that Jisung has only just recovered from a leg injury that meant he couldn’t dance for months — even the fact that 2020 was, against all odds, the best year yet for NCT, with release after release bringing them unprecedented success and momentum.

“I felt that coming and I explained all of that [to the group],” he continues. “This whole period of time has a lot of meaning to it, and we’re not taking that for granted, we’re working hard.” With everything that’s happened, Hot Sauce is a historic moment for NCT Dream, and that’s been reflected in their numbers — the album clocked over 1.7 million pre-orders, obliterating their previous record of 500,000 for last year’s EP, Reload.

Their familial bond and the success that has come with it is the culmination of years spent living, working, and growing up together. The members have collectively missed out on key experiences that most teenagers might take for granted, distanced as they are from normal life, and the group also benefits from an unusually loose adherence to traditional Korean age hierarchy. The result is a brotherhood that goes beyond just being colleagues. “What we have is pretty intimate, and it’s also genuine,” Mark says.

About his role, he is matter of fact. “I’m by far the most easily approachable punching bag for the team. I am not… complaining…” He laughs. “But all jokes aside, I feel like my role for this team… Yes, I am the oldest and I am the leader but I’m also… In Korea, in the culture, age is very important, but we’ve come so far that all those borders kind of just vanished and we’re all pretty much friends, and I guess I’m just a friend of theirs too.”

It’s true that, despite being the leader, his friendly personality and endearingly awkward mannerisms mean that he commands about as much authority as a small puppy. Instead, much like a puppy, he is showered with love and affection (fellow member Chenle refers to Mark as his son and his actual puppy Daegal as Mark’s little sister), but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a dependable leader figure. The opposite is true — in Renjun’s words, Mark’s presence unites the group in a way that makes him irreplaceable.

And while this may be the fifth year since their debut, in the grand scheme of things, the members of NCT Dream are still very, very young — by most standards, they would still be considered to have their entire careers ahead of them. Growth has brought them here, but where does Mark think it will take them in the future?

“Growing just never stops for us, I can see us growing continuously, endlessly,” he replies. “What the future holds is something that we will never know, but we always do try to prepare during the present, and so with whatever time we have currently and with whatever album, or whatever stage, or whatever piece of music it may be, we’re willing to make sure that we have the next one coming too.”

A final thought. “I’m glad that we’re striving for that, ‘cos we started off as…” Mark shakes his head, “…as babies.”

#nct #nct dream #Mark #nct 127

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angst-fairygodmother · 3 years

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On His Knees (Charles Vane x fem!Reader)

Your new captaincy comes with self-doubt, and Charles Vane proves to you just how well you can take command.

A/N: Oops, I tripped and this got waaaay kinky. Like, definitely rivals and probably beats my Kinktober stuff. But let’s be real, Charles Vane deserves the good shit.

Word Count: 2617

Rating: E(xplicit), very

Content Warnings: dirty talk, praise kink, begging, oral (fem receiving), hair pulling, biting/marking, beard burn, unprotected sex, multiple orgasms, reference to bondage

Cross-posted to AO3

Taglist: @vice-versa-vane

The door closed heavily, and though you didn’t move to face him yet, you knew it was Charles entering your cabin. No one else would be so boldly presumptuous. The bolt clicked home, ensuring it would remain just the two of you.

“It’s Captain now, then?” he asked, though he already knew the answer. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think his gravelly tone was impressed.

Turning slowly, you leaned against the edge of your desk and folded your arms over your chest. The motion drew his eyes down before they flicked back to your face.

“Temporarily at least,” you acknowledged.

He scowled. “Mutiny’s rumbling?”

Your laugh was sharp, short, and bitter. “No. But I’m a woman in a man’s role. More than half of them think it, not to mention certain powers in Nassau. It’s only a matter of time before one of them decides to put me in my place, that I don’t have the…” you waved a hand vaguely, at a loss for the word you wanted.

“The balls?” A faint smirk of amusement followed the offering.

You rolled your eyes. “Physically or metaphorically. But I wasn’t going to put it that bluntly. Being in charge requires a...dominating personality. Doesn’t it?”

He had a way of putting you at ease, of making you want to drop the wall of spikes you constantly surrounded yourself with and admit your doubts, want to be vulnerable. Perhaps it came from the fact that he was one of the few in Nassau to treat you with respect as an equal, despite your gender, accepted your ability to hold your own. Or the way those ice chip eyes seemed to see right through you, leaving you bare and without secrets.

He stepped closer, invading your space and towering over you. There was a question in his look and your body answered it without prompting, leaning into him like a magnetic pull. One of his large, calloused hands cupped the side of your head gently.

“A spirit you have,” he rumbled, still smirking, breath tickling your face, “if I recall.”

You flushed hotly, remembering the last time you and he had the opportunity to be this close, the way he had writhed and pleaded beneath your fingers, bound to your will and your headboard.

“That’s not the same,” you snapped, averting your gaze, “at all.”

He laughed, and you felt warmth pooling in your stomach, knowing that you were one of the only people to ever hear him do that.

“You are one of the fiercest fucking pirates to sail these waters,” he said firmly, drawing your eyes back to meet his. “And any man stupid enough to cross you deserves whatever shallow grave he gets.”

“Charles...don’t do that. Don’t pick fights for me, or suggest fights for me.”

“I wasn’t. I don’t need to.”

His lips finally found yours, before you could say anything else, pressing harder and deeper with every second that passed. Your arms unfolded, clutching at his shoulders as he leaned you back, the sharp edge of the wood digging into your backside.

“Charles,” you whined softly as he broke from the kiss to roam across your skin, stubble scratching as he mouthed at your jaw and the sensitive pulsepoint of your neck. “Please.”

You hated how needy you sounded, hated that any man, even him, could make you beg. But you wanted him, badly, and knew that it was only a matter of time before something would demand the attention of one or both of you on deck once more.

He hummed, all too pleased with himself, and hushed you, hot breath sending shivers down your spine before he sucked the spot between his teeth. Your knees buckled as the action brought blood rushing to the surface, just beneath the thin layer of skin, and pleasure shot through you. He was quick to catch you, hands dropping to your hips to hold you up as he journeyed lower across your body. Teeth skimmed deliciously across your collarbone where it peaked from beneath your shirt.

Then suddenly the contact was gone and the cotton material was being yanked over your head.

“Fuck, you are beautiful,” he growled, palming one of your now-exposed breasts and fixing his lips harshly to your other nipple.

You arched against him, every touch making you crave more.

“Yes,” you moaned breathlessly as he rolled his tongue around the erect peak, laving and sucking at it. “Oh, yes, please…”

“Tell me what you want,” he murmured against your chest. “I’m yours to command, Captain.”

Something in the way he said your new title, the promise of whatever you wanted that he could give, sent another wave of pleasure through you, dampening your undergarments and making you shudder. You could feel his smirk, and you hated it. He was giving you control for the moment, but he knew that really you belonged to him.

“Anything. Everything. You,” you panted hazily, unsure what you were even asking for. “You make me feel so good, Charles, please.”

Your words drew a groan from his throat and now it was your turn to smirk. Slowly he continued his journey down your body, every inch of your skin mapped by tongue and teeth, alternating kisses and bites which made you hiss and stoked the flames of your desire. Your fingers tangled into his long locks, tugging at them as he drew nearer and nearer the waist of your trousers. The noises he made which mingled with your moans and whines were nothing short of sinful.

He stilled as he reached your hips, rocking back on his heels and looking up at you with hooded eyes.

“Well that’s a sight I never thought I’d see,” you purred. “Charles Vane on his knees. But what a pretty picture it paints.”

His Adam's apple bobbed noticeably as he swallowed, your words tightening the tent of his trousers.

“Oh you like that? When I tell you how good you look, how good you make me feel?” you grinned teasingly at him, tongue poking out between your teeth. “Shall I say it again? My pretty pirate.”

The possessive made him whine your name, the unexpected sound needy and desperate, sending a spark of shock and delight through you.

“Tell me what you want from me,” he begged, head still tilted back by your hand in his hair.

You withdrew your hand, far from gentle, enjoying the way his breath hitched with the tug.

“Strip for me, Charles,” it was a question, more than order, but still he jumped to do as he was told.

You watched him hungrily as his shirt was tossed aside, revealing the hard, solid planes and rippling muscles that made him one of the most fearsome sights on the ocean. And yet here he was, scrambling to undo the button of his pants, leaping to follow your every instruction. It was a special kind of power and made your head spin drunkenly. Not wanting to waste any time, you shimmied off the rest of your own clothes and boosted yourself up, sitting on your desk, legs spread invitingly.

“I want your mouth, Charles,” you purred.

It seemed no more than a blink before he was knelt between your knees. But Charles was still Charles, and for all he was under your sway, he still maintained some combative nature. He kissed and nipped at the inside of your thighs, beard rubbing deliciously against the tender flesh and sure to leave reddened marks, mouth everywhere but where you needed it most.

“Stop teasing me,” you demanded, yanking harder on his hair, guiding his face to where it belonged.

“Yes, Captain.” He smirked at the way you shuddered, hot breath a rush of sensation against your damp core and the title another heady rush of power.

His hands circled your thighs, reverent in their touch as he pushed them further apart so he could dive in. At first it was a gentle, teasing brush of his tongue through your folds, circling your clit delicately, just enough pressure to make you need more. His grip slid higher, holding your hips and restricting your ability to buck up into his mouth like you wanted to do. You could feel the coil of pleasure gathering in your stomach, just waiting for the final push over the edge.

Without warning, his lips wrapped around your sensitive nub, sucking it and pressing with his tongue. The opposing push and pull sent shockwaves through you and you couldn’t help the scream that escaped your parted lips as your orgasm erupted through you. Wave after wave of pleasure crashed over you as Vane licked and sucked you through it, never truly letting you come down from the high before working you back toward the edge.

Your fingers dug in, nails scraping his scalp as you clung to him, your only anchor as you gasped for air and your muscles clenched and released in spasms.

“Fuck, Charles, yes. You make me feel so good,” you panted, keening as he continued to tease at you. “Just like that...fuck...yes…”

Hiking one of your legs over his shoulder to adjust your angle, he dove his tongue into you. His tongue thrust and curled within you, the sensation threatening to drive you mad as your every nerve ending hummed with pleasure and need.

“Oh fuck!” you cried out, grinding down against his mouth.

He hummed with his own pleasure at the way you writhed beneath him, the vibrations only adding to your desperation.

“Charles, if you keep doing that, I’m not going to last much longer,” you gasped and begged. “I need more, I need you. Fuck me, make me feel good like only you can. Please, Charles.”

His mouth withdrew and he let your leg fall as he got to his feet. His pupils were blown wide and his face was shiny with your slick and you were almost certain you had never seen a more perfect, pretty sight, and told him so, watching with devilish glee as his cock, already weeping pre-cum, twitched with the words.

He gave you only seconds to catch your breath before he kissed you harshly, tongue exploring your mouth greedily. You moaned at the taste of yourself on his lips.

“That was incredible, Charles,” you breathed, “You’re incredible. Fucking perfect really.”

“Don’t,” he growled. “Keep running that pretty mouth of yours and I won’t last long enough to stuff your cunt like I know you want me to.”

You whimpered, walls fluttering at the promise.

“Keep talking to me like that and I’ll be finished before you can,” you countered, trying to get the challenge back into your voice.

“We both know you’re tougher than that,” he smirked. “Now, Captain. Turn around and bend over the goddamn desk.”

You bit your lip, resisting just for show.

“Now!” his barked command fanned flames even higher.

Slowly, making sure that he was watching your every move, you rolled your hips, spinning so that your back was to him and lowered yourself to your elbows, top half stretched across the cool, solid wood. You couldn’t resist giving your ass a teasing shimmy as you cast a glance over your shoulder at him. He was staring, face slack with aw and eyes burning with desire.

“Well, Charles,” you drawled. “Are you going to keep a lady waiting, or are you going to give me what I want?”

This seemed to snap him out of his trance as he stepped closer. You felt his thighs against yours, his hard cock rubbing against your ass. One of his hands tangled in your hair, pulling you into an arch that bordered just the right side of pain. The other gripped the base of his penis and lined it up with your entrance. Slowly, both of you groaning in ecstasy, he sank into your waiting hole, bottoming out, filling and stretching you deliciously.

“Fuck, Charles, you feel so good,” you whined, rocking your hips back against his pelvis as if there was any deeper he could go.

Taking that as sign you were adjusted, he pulled nearly all of the way out before driving back into you with a sharp snap. Your body responded instantly, and the two of you set a punishing pace, his cock pistoning in and out of you with enough force to bounce you across the wood, every rock of his hips striking true on the spot within you that made you see stars. Your hands reached past your head, clawing at the opposite edge of the desk for purchase.

You could hardly breathe for the pleasure coursing through you, your moans and pleading a garble of unintelligible noises in harmony with his baritone grunts and groans. Releasing your hair, he took hold of your chin instead, his grip tight, just barely escaping bruising. He leaned closer over you, pinning you beneath his weight and kissing you hungrily. Your tongues battled for dominance, you at the distinct disadvantage, as you fucked, each desperately racing to bring the other to pleasure first.

“Fuck Charles...so good...I’m so close…” you whimpered against his lips. “Make me cum, please Charles. Please...feels so good.”

Your words seemed to stir him further and his thrusts became sloppy, faltering and stuttering in their rhythm.

Your name fell from his lips in a groan as he thrust once, twice more and his orgasm exploded, hot spurts of cum painting your insides. The sensation stole one last orgasm from you as he rode out his own high with shallow movements and you screamed for him.

The two of you laid there in silence, stretched across your desk, your body pressed beneath him and his softening cock inside you, for several minutes, head spinning and lungs burning for air as you recovered.

“Fuck, Charles,” you muttered. “Nobody can make me feel half as good as you do.”

“Good,” he growled. “I don’t want them even trying.”

“Didn’t take you for the jealous type,” you teased, shoving lightly to roll him off you and moving about the cabin to find something to clean yourselves off with.

“Why else would I have left that pretty mark on your neck, too high to hide,” he countered with a smirk. “I want everyone to know you’re mine.”

“I don’t know, Charles. You were such a good boy and did as you were told. I’d wager it’s you that belongs to me.”

“Looks like we’ll have to battle it out and see who comes out on top.”

You raised your eyebrows at his obvious innuendo. “And when do you propose to do that?”

“How about now,” he offered. “Jack and Mr. Maines can handle any disasters on deck while we have it out.”

“I’d much rather have it in,” you reclined on the narrow mattress in one corner, body open in an invite. Your limbs felt like jelly and you wanted nothing more really than to sleep, but he had made you feel so incredible, so blissed out, and you wanted more.

Sauntering over, his eyes travelled your prone form on the bed. Then he nudged you with one hand, effortlessly shifting your body against the wall.

“A nap first,” he said as he flopped down beside you.

You tried to think of something clever to say, squeaking in surprise as he reached out to draw you against him once he’d settled. Instead of maintaining the banter, you relented to his suggestion, relaxing and snuggling down, laying your head on his chest.

“Congratulations on the captaincy, if I haven’t said it already,” he stifled a yawn to speak. “I look forward to watching you give them hell.”

#new character. new fandom. same bullshit #pwp #throw dignity decency and caution to the wind #historically/practically inaccurate clothing layering because I'm goddamn lazy #Charles Vane x reader #Black Sails fic #posted. time to hide #also while looking for good pictures to fact check his eye color there was a Real Good gif of him in the dark with a cigar #and my brain immediately went 'welp there's the next project' so if this one goes over well...👀

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notthatiwilleverwriteit · 3 years

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Hi. How are you? Hope you're doing well.

Nowadays, MGS is seen to be more willing in receiving HT's affection/attention. And being more considerate of HT.

What's your opinion on this?

P. S: thanks in advance

Hello, dear anon!

Considering all the things going on in our world right now, I’m doing pretty good, thank you! I hope you’re well and keeping safe, too. I’m sorry to have kept your ask waiting. Every time I tried to get to this, something else came up. It’s been quite hectic in both 19 Days and Given fandom lately. Thank you for your patience!

For this answer, I’m not going to link my previous posts because I will probably touch upon a lot of different Tianshan topics. But feel free to browse my Answered Asks Masterpost for relevant posts.

“Nowadays, MGS is seen to be more willing in receiving HT's affection/attention. And being more considerate of HT.”

I’m glad you were pondering this because I have actually been meaning to talk about something that I think is related to this. A year ago (to the day!), I wrote my take on the Tianshan timeline. According to my interpretation, I divided the journey of MGS and HT’s relationship into three “segments” that went about something like this:

“You’ll answer to me from now on”

HT and MGS started out as MGS almost being HT’s “underling”. MGS was very weary and distrustful of HT. HT used physical violence and threats to submit MGS. HT was very much taking control, and MGS was hostile but also scared of HT’s kind of people.

“Don’t try to shoulder everything by yourself”

HT keeps “honing down” MGS’s personality and trying to make him “an outstanding person” by giving him small tasks and chores. But the tone is different; HT becomes more playful and teasing instead of threatening and intimidating.

First hints of HT gaining romantic feelings for MGS?

MGS gets mixed up in SL’s offer to get expelled and ends up being falsely accused of assaulting a girl. HT and the gang save him, and MGS begins to realize there are people willing to fight for him. He doesn't have to shoulder things on his own.

The infamous first Tianshan kiss.

“I’m so bothered by you…“

HT’s feelings for MGS deepen and gain more layers. HT reveals more of his possessive, clingy, and needy side with those feelings.

A big increase in physical contact in Tianshan interactions. Mainly HT casually clinging to MGS or being touchy-feely otherwise. Touching and interactions gain a more suggestive tone.

In return, MGS becomes more conscious of HT. HT still makes him nervous but in a different way than in the beginning. MGS gets flustered, blushes, and overcompensates like a tsundere.

MGS starts showing more concern towards HT. He gets worried about him and even comforts HT a couple of times.

My timeline left off approximately when HT gave MGS the earrings (ch. 305) and MGS left him the sandwich at school (ch. 309). I didn't really touch the timeline until MGS told HT about how he and SL had met. Despite trying, I couldn't find the post anymore, but I think I reblogged one of my posts about that moment and said that this could mark the fourth “phase” of Tianshan. Either way, I think that was the kind of development in their relationship that I think would be a natural continuum of my “timeline”.

Which brings me to your question, dear anon. I don’t know how far back your “nowadays” reaches or what moments exactly you mean by MGS being more willing to accept HT’s affection, but I do think there has been a shift in their relationship ever since the “SL & MGS backstory”. So, I’m going to treat this as the next “segment” in my Tianshan timeline.

What I want to stress when I’m talking about these things is that it’s all very much relative and vague. It’s difficult to pinpoint where one trait in their relationship begins or ends. In the same way, many of the things I see as a part of this phase might have already been present in the previous ones. It’s just that that trait seems more essential and emphasized now.

“I thought you were dead...”

This phase, the way I see it, is about the increasing trust in Tianshan. Not only did MGS open up about his most painful memory to HT, but HT is also becoming more direct and honest about his vulnerability. His words aren’t veiled by teasing and double-meanings anymore, but he is more “raw” about it.

Another common demeanor to me in this phase is MGS giving into his feelings regarding HT more. He’s been concerned about HT before, but now he’s panicking and even attentive. He allows himself to listen to what HT has to say and rely on the support HT wants to offer. Don’t get me wrong, MGS is still very much of a tsundere. He still curses at HT and pushes his advances away, but as I’ve said before, I think that will always be a part of their dynamics. I doubt that side in MGS is ever going anywhere, but it’s also been balanced more by him being more open to HT.

The development of the increasing trust that was HT learning about MGS’s history with SL had its initial push in how SL approached MGS at the train station (ch. 317):

This incident had two big things. First of all, SL is getting bolder. He’s always been unpredictable but for the most part, he’s remained in the shadows despite the trouble he’s caused. He hasn’t been very keen on direct confrontation. MGS had been under his hold without SL needing to get defensive against anyone trying to take away his “property”.

However, HT has not only been pulling MGS further and further away from SL but he’s also been posing a serious opposition to SL. SL can no longer take advantage of MGS being an outcast and not having someone as strong as HT on his side. I think all that has been increasingly irritating SL. He’s getting frustrated which makes him dangerous. He seemed to be barely holding his cool at the train station confrontation and then ended up chasing MGS through the crowd.

Overall, it was a very stressful situation for MGS, and the first person he literally thought to run to was HT. I don’t want to make it sound too dramatic because I think anyone would have run to their friends in that situation. But still, MGS relied on HT in his panic and distress. He knew he would be safe with HT if he just reached him. He very much trusted HT in that situation, not to mention out of his own volition instead of trying to handle it by himself and refusing anyone’s help.

I think being cornered by SL like that shook MGS as well, and it didn’t take that much nudging by HT to make him talk about his past with SL (ch. 318):

I like how HT was gentle about this but didn't let MGS evade and refuse to talk about it all. If HT was going to protect him, he needed to know what was going on. In addition to that, HT wants MGS to rely on him by sharing the burden with him. “Don’t try to shoulder it by yourself” is repeated again, but this time they are actually facing each other (both physically and mentally). MGS physically slumps and for the first time, he lets all the guilt, anxiety, and self-blame seep through for someone to see. He shares his deepest and darkest secret for which he has been beating himself up for years.

And this massive leap of trust from MGS’s part was met with what I think he was both desperate for but also scared of hearing (ch. 319):

HT saying “it wasn’t your fault” was such a seemingly obvious thing for us but a huge relief for MGS. In these situations, people are often desperate for a “second opinion” but also nervous about it because what if they find us “guilty”, too. Nevertheless, we look for that absolution in other people because it helps us ease our own guilty conscience. Living with guilt is probably one of the heaviest burdens to carry in life.

MGS telling HT the story of him and SL and being relieved by HT’s words and comfort was a huge step of trust in their development. Especially for MGS. I think the relationship deepened for him at that moment. It was something he had never revealed to anyone, and that tied him to HT in ways that he wasn't really tied to anyone else. (Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say he was tied to SL in a similar but opposite way which is interesting.)

Reaching for trust has also worked in the other direction in this phase. In addition to MGS trusting HT with his most painful secrets, HT on the other hand has been initiating that he trusts MGS with his vulnerable side too (ch. 323, 343):

HT has shown his vulnerable side before a few times, but he’s been more guarded about it. Instead of directly opening up like this, he somewhat always masked those feelings. I would say HT still very much likes to control those situations when he’s vulnerable by offering to talk about them, but he doesn’t get defensive about MGS knowing about his past or feel threaten by MGS knowing about his weaknesses and painful things.

I do think HT has trusted MGS as someone around whom it’s safe to show his vulnerable moments. But these days, it’s as if HT has decided to talk about his past and fears. It even looks like he wants to talk about them to someone. And instead of asking “don’t abandon me” like he’s ashamed of asking that from MGS, he is now more confident about not wanting to be alone. (This development is probably at least partially connected to the possibility that HT has known their time is limited for a while now.)

For now, MGS seems to be somewhat putting up with this side of HT. Unless it’s something that would require MGS to react and act somehow (for example, HT getting hurt), MGS seems to be more passive. We haven’t really seen him show much interest in HT’s past/vulnerable confessions or pass comments on them. I’m interested in seeing if he will gain a more active role in this regard.

Besides the increasing trust between MGS and HT, another thing I have noticed in this phase is that MGS has more “inner push” to care about HT and believe him. I find it a bit difficult to explain what I mean by that exactly, but I hope I manage to make some sense of this.

As I said earlier, I think the leap of trust regarding the SL backstory was at least partially induced by the pressure and shock of SL attacking MGS. In a similar way, I think MGS thinking HT had died cause him perhaps be more honest to himself regarding HT (ch. 329):

Nothing quite puts things in perspective as swiftly and violently as a death scare. When facing something as final as dying (either dying yourself or losing someone in your life), it clears up our priorities and makes us realize what matters to us.

As far as MGS is concerned, HT hadn’t been in this kind of sudden and unexpected danger like getting crushed by the landslide. They were all - MGS included - virtually powerless against such force of nature. All they could do was dig with their bare hands and hope it wasn’t as bad as it looked. I’m sure having HT behind his back one moment and not the next shook MGS deeply and made him realize what it would be like to lose HT.

I would like to think that that scare made MGS think about what HT meant to him, and that ultimately “coaxed” MGS to give HT more of a chance (ch. 340, 344, 346):

I’m trying to choose my words with care because I don’t want to make it sound like MGS’s resistance and reluctance when it comes to HT has melted away. I don’t think it has and I don’t think it ever will be gone completely. As I said, I think he will always have his tsundere nature that says “no” to everything almost automatically before he even considers it through properly.

What I’m trying to say instead is that MGS seems to consider HT’s feelings more and also be more open to believing in what HT is trying to tell him because having HT in his life shouldn’t be taken for granted. Maybe MGS thought that he could be more fair towards HT and not be so quick to reject everything. Also, maybe he could lower his guard and try to internalize what HT is so persistently trying to tell him. I do think MGS trusts HT to help him if he’s in trouble, but trusting HT to support his dreams is another thing. That is not an issue of just trust anymore, but it’s also about MGS having the courage to go for what he wants.

This hesitance and self-evaluation of sorts in MGS is also paired up with HT playing the kicked puppy card more shamelessly. It seems HT has discovered what tone to take if MGS rejects him. Is milking his injuries playing a bit dirty? Eh, I guess, but I don’t honestly see much harm in that. It’s cute. What comes to acting hurt if MGS refuses to listen to him, I think it would be a nice change if HT lets his hurt show. As much as I love MGS, I think it’s good that he also has those moments when he feels like he said something hurtful.

In my previous “timeline” post, I wondered if HT’s romantic feelings towards MGS started shaping somewhere around the second “ Don’t try to shoulder everything by yourself“ phase. Now, I’m wondering if the future developments of this current phase will lead to MGS discover those same romantic feelings. Especially if HT is leaving which would make MGS think about what HT means to him even more.

That’s pretty much what I have gathered in this “phase” so far. If we get back to your original question of why it seems MGS is more willing in receiving HT's affection/attention and being more considerate of HT, I think the answer lies in the deepening trust (both ways) and MGS realizing and allowing himself to recognize that HT does actually mean quite a lot to him. Through the moments I talked about, their relationship has deepened in new ways and they’re both trying to be more open about themselves and to each other. Of course, this is only a handful of chapters and the moments I mentioned are also accompanied by a lot of the “usual” Tianshan dynamics. So, I would say that this is the “early stages” of their new phase even though the development turns have been quite big.

Thank you for your question and your patience, dear anon!

#19 days #tianshan #he tian #mo guan shan #answered ask

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caffeinewitchcraft · 5 years

Text

Grandma’s House

The first line prompt: Grandma’s house makes me feel uncomfortable and my brother can tell (X).

Thanks Chef ( @crunchyjesusrolls) for the awesome possession idea!

Grandma’s house makes me feel uncomfortable and my brother can tell. The floor plan is too...open. Too bright. When she was here it was manageable. Her warm smiles and layers of sparkling necklaces too up a lot of space. She’d spread her arms wide for a hug, her rings glittering under the sunlight streaming through the glass walls. Her voice was big, booming, and kind.

I didn’t have to hide when Grandma was here.

“One more week until the sale,” Myles says from behind me.

I jump. I’d seen him in the backyard last, walking into the forest to see if the old shed was still standing after so many years. Grandma didn’t care for it like Grandpa did and when he died, so did the yard. The wild flowers and ferns are already rooted all over the lawn, nature taking back what had taken so much to maintain. I take a moment to breathe, trying to control my instinctive fear before I turn. “You should have knocked.”

My brother is leaning against the kitchen counter. The skylight above him bathes his golden hair in sunlight, making him look angelic. Innocent. Guiltless. He poses for a moment longer and then breaks the illusion with a smirk. “Maybe I did.”

He didn’t. I edge around the couch, pushing my hair away from my face nervously. The house was minimalist before we came to wrap up the last of her things. Now there’s almost nothing to put between me and him. “If that’s it, I’m going back to town. I should be able to check in now.”

The smirk disappears. “I thought we were both staying here. I thought that’s why we left the beds to last.”

“I’m not staying in the middle of the woods,” I say as if he’s the weird one for staying. Truth is, I love the woods. Truth is, I love this house. Truth is, I love my life more. “The electric’s scheduled to turn off tomorrow.”

“But not tonight,” my brother says. He pushes off the counter and saunters towards me. There’s nothing in his eyes. “Come on, for old times. One last sleepover at Grandma’s before we go back to hating our lives.”

“I don’t hate my life,” I say. I try to figure out if he’s going to come around the couch and what I’ll do if he does. The hall behind me leads to the two bedrooms and a bathroom. The front door is behind Myles. “I’m tired of dealing with all this.”

Myles blue eyes flash. “Tired of dealing with...me?” He takes a slow step to the side of the couch, his shoulders easily taking up the whole path to the kitchen.

Yes. I can’t say it. The only reason I’ve made it this far is because he’s not sure what I know. I roll my eyes. “I mean dealing with Grandma’s house. It’s…” I let my voice go vulnerable and soft. “I miss her. It hurts to be here without her.”

“Yeah,” Myles says with a sigh. The predatory look in his eyes sinks back and the emptiness returns. “I miss her too. Are you sure you can’t stay the night?”

I nod and try to make sure it’s not too enthusiastic. “I’ve got a business call in the morning. Service’s always been shit out here. Plus with the electricity going off...better to stay in town.”

“Fine,” Myles says. He leans against the wall, purposefully making himself look smaller. I bet he thinks I’ll chance walking by him. Ha. He sighs again. “What about dinner? Can you at least stay for dinner?”

I think about saying no to that too. But there’s a little part of me that misses my brother and knows that this is the last time I’ll be seeing him. With Grandma gone, there isn’t anyone we have in common. No more holiday visits that require both of us, no more weddings or funerals or anniversaries. I can finally disappear.

“Sure,” I say and try to smile. It comes out a little weak and small but that’s okay. My brother won’t notice. “You cooking?”

“Of course not,” my brother says. He smiles and it’s almost like his old smile, the one he had when we were kids. Close, but not quite. “Why do you think I asked you to stay?”

I’m trying not to think about that.

------------------------

Grandma didn’t believe me when I told her Myles came back from the quarry with something else in his skin. She told me that I was being cruel to my poor, little brother and that I should focus on being nicer. She offered to help me bake apology cookies that he could take with him to his next treatment. She was always trying to get Myles to eat, worried about the weight chemo stole from him.

She didn’t see me put rat poison in the batter and was charmed when I insisted nobody but Myles eat the horrible, lumpy things that came out of the oven.

I never tried to save my brother. That’s the truth. I didn’t try to save him when he insisted on going into the woods late at night, so late that even Grandpa was asleep. I knew he was weak from his treatments and knew it wasn’t safe for him to go alone. So I followed him.

I used to think I followed him to protect him when he inevitably fell. I used to think that I was being a good sister, letting him learn from his mistakes instead of coddling him like Grandma did. I used to think that I followed him to save him when he needed me.

But when Myles slipped off the path and tumbled into the quarry, I didn’t move a muscle. I didn’t blink. Didn’t breathe. I listened to the sound of Myles screaming all the way down, heard the crunch of his bones and the terrible tears of his clothes catching on the rough hewn stone. I didn’t save him when his screams changed from pain to terror. I didn’t go to look when I heard the wind shriek through the trees or when another voice laughed from where my brother fell.

I stood in silent terror, hiding in the brush, and listened to something else climb into my brother’s skin.

Then, when my Grandmother didn’t believe me, I didn’t fight. I didn’t try to convince her of the truth. I didn’t go to my Grandfather’s church and beg them for help.

I put rat poison in the cookies.

I didn’t let anyone else eat them.

I watched while Myles ate them all.

And told me how delicious they were.

-----------------------------------------

I’ve grown up since I didn’t save Myles. I’m calmer now, more accepting of my own cowardice. I’ve tried to get rid of him so many times, but the thing in his skin is strong. Stronger than rat poison, cancer, cyanide, arsenic, long falls, heavy blows, cars, and knives. I’ve spent most of my money on trying to kill my brother before he realizes that I put rat poison in the cookies.

My only option left is to run away.

I make us curry because that’s about all I have the ingredients for. I try to imagine that that thing is really my brother, that it’s Myles beside me drinking a glass of wine and not a demonic creature from a world we have no chance of surviving. I tell him about my job, my girlfriend, how I’m thinking about getting a cat. Truth is, I don’t have a girlfriend or a cat but, in a world where Myles was still Myles, I’d have both.

“It’s ready,” I tell him. He helps me put the curry into the last two bowls in the house and carry them to the table.

We sit across from each other. It’s odd to look him in the eye. When we were kids, we always sat next to each other, a grandparent across from us and the warmth of our knees knocking together. I imagine what it would have been like to hug my brother without feeling repulsed. Maybe we both wouldn’t have had such lonely childhoods.

“I missed having dinner with you,” I say instead of I’m sorry or Goodbye. I smile and mean it for the first time in a long time. “It’s been a long time.”

“Same,” Myles says. There’s warmth in his eyes. “It’s nostalgic, isn’t it? Sitting at this table, talking and eating. I hope you don’t mind, but I thought there was something missing.”

“What?” I ask, swallowing another bite of curry. I put too much spice in and it’s warm as it goes down. No, it’s hot as it hits my stomach. I don’t remember adding so much spice. “What’s missing?”

“Sister’s secret ingredient,” Myles says, smiling. He reaches under the table and brings out a box. A bottle. Another bottle. “It wouldn’t be home cooking without it!”

I stare. Rat poison. Arsenic. Cyanide. I look down at my curry. I don’t remember adding so much spice. “Oh.”

“Oh,” Myles says. He eats a spoonful of curry and pushes his glass of wine across the table. “Here, to wash it down.”

“I’m good,” I say. I take another bite. No point in avoiding it, no real desire too. “I didn’t try to save you.” Why try to save myself?

The thing inside Myles laughs. “There’s never been any saving here.”

That makes sense. The curry is warm. Warmer. It’s hot. My brother smiles at me across the table. I say goodbye to Grandma’s house.

#caffeine challenge #my writing #murder #death #attempted murder #killing siblings #fratricide

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fooltofancy · 3 years

Text

some val nonsense

since yaknow this man is mostly just vague sketches and me calling him an idiot in the tags, rather than a fleshed-out human being. some uh. not game-specific proof, i guess.

idk where the post these questions came from... is? i'll find it and link it later, if i remember.

aptitude

1. what are your ocs natural abilities, things they've been doing since they were young?

reading people - he's hyper-aware of what is expected of him in any situation, can and will play whatever part is asked of him if he's feelin it in that moment. no longer feels like he must fulfill any role, but the ability formed from habit is still there in the background.

also very good at appearing busy.

2. what activities have they participated in?

debate, in school.

3. what abilities do they have that they've worked for?

efficient ghost-writer. can and will (to disastrous effect) mimic voices in writing like a motherfucker.

excellent - trained - poker face.

4. what things are they bad at?

most anything requiring physical endurance. his aim's not great for someone equipped with a firearm. genuinely bad depth perception, which isn't his fault but DOES affect his ability to turn corners efficiently when he's in a hurry.

5. what is their most impressive talent?

bullshitting. can and will lie through his teeth if it will make his life or even just day the slightest bit easier.

basics

1. what is their hair color?

mousey brown, curly and unkempt. absolutely in his eyes at all times.

2. what is their eye color?

hazel

3. how tall are they?

5'8"

4. how old are they?

5. how much do they weigh?

150ish - willowy build

comfort

1. how do they sit in a chair?

casually, in public. legs stretched out and crossed at the ankle or one crossed over the other at the ankle or knee. privately, like a pretzel. if he's comfortable around you he's gonna sit like an idiot - legs draped over the arm of a chair or tucked up under him.

2. in what position do they sleep?

curled in a ball, knees to chest. v vulnerable, v bad for his back.

3. what is their ideal comfort day?

just sleepin. maybe reading, maybe a lil questionable background music. maybe MAYBE baking bread, which takes time he doesn't usually have but is something he enjoys.

4. what is their major comfort food? why?

tea isn't food, but it's in having time to make it properly and then having time to sit and drink it that's comfort more than the thing itself.

5. who is the best at comforting them when down?

loaded question - he can be distracted, sure, but comfort isn't really something he's equipped to accept from anyone, even someone he's ostensibly close to. not gonna confront whatever has him upset in a meaningful way, so the comfort is equally meaningless because he's convinced himself he doesn't need it.

decoration

1. how would they decorate their house?

comfortably - textured fabrics in layers, as much natural light when possible, muted artificial light. hardy plants (doesn't have the time for difficult ones) and jewel tones. warm but impersonal - some art, mostly indistinct modern pieces. no photos.

2. how would they decorate their child's room?

he has no interest or plans to have children, and wouldn't consider it.

3. how do they decorate their own room?

it's just a bed. not where he spends the most time, so it's not especially personal. queen-sized bed because he doesn't like to feel lost in it. fluffy comforter + knit and crocheted things for texture variation. three pillows. blackout curtains because he used to be unable to sleep if there was any light, but he's started to struggle with absolute darkness as well so they're usually open.

4. what types of clothes or accessories do they wear?

layers. big fan of loose jackets or cardigans over simple shirts in subdued colors. straight-legged slacks or skinny jeans. he's got one pair of leather brogues that he spent way too much money on like ten years ago. his glasses are understated - narrow silver half-frames. he's recently added a glasses chain to his repertoire, because losing those motherfuckers is a real bitch.

5. do they like makeup/nail/beauty trends?

not especially.

external personality

1. does the way they do things reflect their internal personality?

more than he cares to admit. not quite as stoic as he thinks he his, but you're not gonna hear him admit to experiencing an emotion in a thousand years.

2.do they do things that conform to the norm?

it’s easier that way, but a mother fucker is also stubborn. if he stops feeling like rolling easy you’re gonna know about it.

3. do they follow trends or do their own thing?

he’s not particularly interested in trends such that he’s not gonna be aware that he’s picking up on visual styles that are happening around him, however he does instinctively blend in.

4. are they up-to-date on internet fads?

he’s seen the memes, but does not say them out loud. he’s got like. very few principles, but he’s got principles.

5. do they portray their personality or let people figure it out on their own?

ya boi is just a stack of masks. masks on masks on masks on masks.

fun

1. what do they do for fun?

what in the fuck actually is fun? not sure. maybe open to finding out, though.

2. what is their ideal party?

booze, music, rooms full of people he doesn’t know and can get lost in.

3. who would they have the most fun with?

frankly, folk he doesn’t know and doesn’t expect to know - no expectations, the freedom to behave however the fuck he feels like behaving, with temporary consequences.

4. can they have fun while conforming to rules?

sure? does he? probably not.

5. do they go out a lot?

eh. going out in a small community means a familiarity he’s not real comfortable with.

gorgeous

1. what is their most attractive external feature?

his eyes are v pretty, even though they don’t work. rare laugh lights up his whole face.

2. what is the most attractive part of their personality?

determined (sometimes beyond reason); surprisingly compassionate.

3. what benefits come with being their friend?

ride or die. will blackmail a motherfucker for you in a heartbeat.

4. what parts of them do they like and dislike?

very skeptical of his own motivations - he trusts himself as much as he trusts anyone else, so not at all.

5. what parts of others do they envy?

ease in relationships

heat

1. do they prefer a hot or cold room?

cold

2. do they prefer summer or winter?

winter

3. do they like the snow?

he’s only seen it once, and it was mostly gross and dirty. very much likes the idea of snow.

4. do they have a favorite summer activity?

walking is good - you won’t get him in a car in the summer if he can help it. in uni he played a lot of frisbee.

5. do they have a favorite winter activity?

does wearing big sweaters count as a winter activity? walking while carrying tea.

in the closet

1. what is their sexuality?

2. have they ever questioned their sexuality?

thought he might be strictly gay for a bit; isn’t.

3. have they ever questioned their gender?

no.

4. would/was their family okay with them coming out?

he straight-up has no idea, the conversation hasn’t and, probably won’t, happen.

5. how long did it take for them to come out?

university; there wasn’t much dating before that so he never felt it necessary.

joy

1, what makes them happy?

rain, loose-leaf tea, watching other people enjoy themselves, when someone he doesn’t care for has to change their behavior as a direct result of his petty bullshit.

2. who makes them happy?

people who listen to him for his own merits, lil kid shenanigans.

3. are there any songs that bring them joy?

if it’s a bop he’s down.

4. are they happy often?

he’s not unhappy often?

5. what brings them the most joy in the world?

ten hours of uninterrupted sleep.

kill

1. have they ever thought about suicide?

when he was very young - would tell you he only ever considered it out of spite, but he was also very lonely and confused and afraid and had no real help parsing a world that felt like it was out to get him, personally. that’s a lot on a kid, or anyone.

2. have they ever thought about homicide?

academically, sure - practically couldn’t actually bring himself to do it.

3. if they could kill anyone without punishment, would they? who?

probably he’s a little afraid that he could kill someone without consequences, and he’s deeply uncomfortable with that.

4. who would miss them, if they died?

his mother would miss the idea of him, which he feels hardly counts. colleagues - he’s easy to work with and mysteriously well-liked for kind of being a little shit.

5. who would be happy if he died?

... possibly the mayor.

lemons

1. what is their favorite fruit?

nectarines, pomegranates - inexplicably fruit you have to work for.

2. what is their least favorite fruit?

bananas. texture b a d.

3. are there any foods they hate?

anything textured like a banana.

4. do they have any food intolerances?

not that he knows

5. what is their favorite food?

fried egg and cheese on the flakiest fucking croissant.

maternal

1. would they want a daughter or a son?

no children at all, thank you very much.

2. how many children do they want?

none.

3. would they be a good parent?

no. mostly because he would be absolutely paralyzed by the prospect of ruining a child’s life. if he could pull his head out of his ass long enough to get over the fear, maybe. knows enough of what it means to be a bad parent that he’d do the most possible to Not Be That Thing.

4. what would they name a son? daughter?

moot point.

5. would they adopt?

no.

never have i ever

1. what would they never do?

never is a permanent sort of word he prefers not to use. however. forgiving his mothing in a meaningful sort of way is pretty far down the list of things he’s interested in doing.

2. what have they never done that they want to do?

just fuckin. disappear into the aether, no forwarding address. can’t be controlled if the controllers can’t find you.

3. is there anything they can’t believe people do?

trust implicitly.

4. what is the most embarrassing thing they’ve done?

can’t be embarrassed in you don’t give a shit. he is, however, starting to give a shit, and THAT’S embarrassing as fuck.

5. have they done anything they thought they’d never do?

the uh. policing side of law enforcement wasn’t really on his radar until he was forced into it.

optimism

1. are they optimistic or pessimistic?

neither, particularly. tends to take things as they come, ‘cause they’re gonna come one way or another.

2. are they openly optimistic, thrusting it on others?

no.

3. are they good at giving advice?

he’s good at sounding like he’s giving good advice. take it with a grain of salt.

4. is there anyone in their life that throws their optimism on them?

too many, probably, but he’s not fussed.

5. were they always optimistic?

as a child the world felt very unsafe, unsure, and hostile, so he learned not to trust before he learned that not everything was out to get him.

personality

1. what is their best personality trait?

adaptability; it’s not that he adjusts to adapt to the world so much as he’s so skilled at code-shifting in any situation that even drastic change is just one more step - maybe forward, maybe sideways, but as long as you’re still standing and moving it’s fine.

2. what is their worst personality trait?

can he adjust to any situation in a way that benefits him? yes. does he? often, no. one stubborn, petty bitch, and often in ways you won’t realize until they crop up later to bite you in the ass.

3. what of their personality do others love?

capacity for unexpected empathy and compassion.

4. what of their personality do others envy?

being unmoved by a world that seems determined to kick his ass on the regular. whether that’s stubbornness or determination or actually a weird twisted sort of optimism, outwardly he appears resilient af.

5. do they hate anything about their/others’ personalities?

quite frustrated by folk who use their/other’s positions to get out of the consequences of their actions - irony certainly not lost on him.

questions

1. do they ask for help?

no. very much to his detriment.

2. do they ask questions in class?

yes, might as well take advantage of expertise while you’ve got the opportunity.

3. do they answer questions that make them a little uncomfortable?

nah. took like eight levels in deflection.

4. do they ask weird questions?

if it feels necessary.

5. are they curious?

not especially. takes everything at face value, because digging tends to get you nothing but trouble.

rules

1. do they follow rules?

ish. when not doing so will hurt someone he gives half a shit about. otherwise the rules are pretty bendy.

2. would they e a strict or laid-back parent?

laid-back. couldn’t imagine imposing order on a tiny agent of chaos when he’s at best an average-sized agent of chaos.

3. have they ever been consequenced for breaking the rules?

their entire life is currently the consequence of (mostly academic) rule-breaking.

4. have they broken any rules they now regret breaking?

only personal rules. mixing your business relationship with your personal relationships probably not the best. regret, yes, but whether he’s learned from his mistakes is another thing entirely. (he has not.)

5. do they find any rules they/others follow ridiculous?

most of them, frankly.

streets

1. are they street-smart?

yes. he wasn’t like a big-time criminal, but he flew under the radar for a stupidly long time for someone as public about plagiarism (... and drug sales) as he was.

2. would they give money to someone on the streets?

sure

3. have they ever gotten in a fight on the streets?

not on purpose, but you know. shit happens when you have a big mouth and little to no self-preservation.

4. has anything happened to them on the streets?

apart from getting kicked in alleys behind clubs a few times, not really.

5. are they cautious when out?

more than he used to be, for sure.

truth

1. are they honest?

when it benefits him.

2. can they tell when someone is lying?

takes one to know one, and he spends a fair amount of time lying through his teeth. can have a bit of a blind spot when it comes to people he likes, though, less in that he can’t tell when they’re lying and more that he thinks he’s not that hurt by it because he expects everyone to lie. if he genuinely cares for someone, though, he doesn’t guard against it.

3. is it obvious when he’s lying?

depends on who he’s lying to and what he’s lying about. lies constantly, but if he really cares about something his poker face dies and goes straight to hell.

4. have they lied about anything they regret lying about?

no. shit happens and regret gets you nowhere.

5. have they told truths that have been spread against their will?

almost went to prison for it.

underdog

1. have they been bullied?

yes. he was a shy, under-socialized child, and an easy target til he got wise. and petty. very quickly developed thick skin and a bit of a nasty, stubborn streak when it comes to folk who are cruel just for the sake of being cruel.

2. have they bullied anyone?

prone to bullying bullies.

3. have they been physically attacked by a bully?

he’s mouthy, and not great at shutting up. so yes.

4. have they ever been doubted?

for good reason. tendency toward unscrupulous behavior - mostly when it comes to risking himself, but no man’s an island etc. possibly too smart for his own good.

5. have they surprised people with being good at something?

police work, and literally everyone is a bit shocked by this fact.

vomit

1. do they vomit often?

only if he’s drinking. if he drinks at all he gets smashed - not because he’s a lightweight, but because he has very little self-control. like. blackout drunk, wakes up in a bathroom somewhere (ideally his, sometimes just a bar somewhere) with his head in a toilet. otherwise not if at all possible.

2. do they get a lot of stomach aches?

stress makes him nauseous, but otherwise not particularly.

3. are they good at comforting someone ill?

no. mysteriously he’s much better with emotional comfort - he’s the kind of person who will be ill sympathetically.

4. what do they like as far as comfort goes?

touch, company, but on god do n o t ask him how he’s feeling.

water

1. do they drink enough water?

probably not - when he remembers. he does not remember.

2. have they learned to swim?

enough that he probably wouldn’t drown if he fell in a lake. no guarantees in sketchy water, though.

3. do they like to swim?

enjoys the sensation of floating. eyes closed, listening to his heart beat in his ears, just feeling the weight of his blood forging through his body. active swimming, though, not so much.

4. can they dive?

yes - has good form for someone who doesn’t spend that much time in the water.

5. can they swim without holding their nose?

yes

xylophone

1. what is their favorite genre of music?

he’s one of those people who can (and will) listen to anything - one-hundred percent will listen to genuinely bad music out of spite if and when someone gives him shit about something he’s listening to on accident. will just listen to the radio, or put all of his music on shuffle and go.

2. do they have a favorite song?

no, but if pressed will list the first abba song he can think of off the top of his head.

3. do they have a favorite band/artist/singer?

4. can they sing well?

can carry a tune and doesn’t have a bad voice, but he’s definitely prone to singing badly to make a point.

5. can they rap?

god no.

zebra

1. what’s their favorite animal?

aesthetically, snakes. practically animals are weird and confusing and if he were ever confronted by an actual snake he may very well climb the nearest wall.

2. do they like animals?

in theory, sure. in practice? what is this? what is it doing? should not be trusted with your pets for extended periods of time. comfortable around cats and most dogs, but if an animal is unpredictable it’ll make him nervous.

3. cats or dogs?

probably cats, but it’s a lot of staring uncomfortably.

4. what’s their dream pet?

maybe a fish. a few lil schooling mofos, but he doesn’t really have the time or the patience or the fortitude? to regularly care for a tank.

5. do they have any pets at the moment?

#give me the opportunity i WILL make a dumbass #i will!#valentine langford #this is mostly pre-book one val #w some vague references #ok i can finish commissions now #i TYPED #... where'd y go #farewell y i never knew u #oh i was gonna slap some art on this wasn't i #oh well

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saikagerights · 4 years

Text

The Apology- A New Possession One Shot

Welcome Back!

I'm a liar, aren't I? Not even two days after the last entry is posted saying I wanted to chill out, here I come with another 1k+ word oneshot to conclude this plot line. I really did enjoy writing Christmas Date, so I decided to resolve this mess the same way I started it. I did my damndest to properly connect this as many times as I could. I think I did it about 3 times intentionally, so look for those references. This resolution hit me suddenly yesterday and I felt like an absolute genius. This didn't change the fact that it took me about 6 hours to write in its entirety.

I am personally proud of this one, so please enjoy

Also available on AO3

January 24th

Ino feels awful. After a full month, she still felt awful over what happened on Christmas with Sai. Her feelings were still as strong as ever for the man. Too strong for her to control at the time. And now she’s made him feel like he’s the cause of her problems and it’s made her guilt only multiply.

She knew that avoiding him was only making the problem worse, but how was she supposed to face him after walking out like that with no explanation? Or worse, explaining to him outright what had happened. He wasn’t ready to hear about that.

As she ran home that night, she struggled to hold her tears back.

Save them for when you are home

Her parents had taught her that tears were a sign of strength, but she felt more vulnerable than ever.

She had to face the fact that she was now deep into her feelings for Sai. But she knew that his situation required delicate action. She had seen first hand his struggle to handle emotion. She wanted to save him then from that genjutsu, and now she wants to save him from himself. And as much as she wants to save him, it may only overwhelm him

Besides, there could be a chance he will never feel more towards me

Indeed Ino saw that Sai’s feelings were present, but they were buried under many layers of pain and suffering. The damage had been done, and while he improved by leaps and bounds, that trauma would never be truly erased. He had been a child that wasn’t raised with warm love and affection, but with the cold embrace of order and duty. Feelings like this don’t just come naturally. It infuriated her that Sai’s case was not isolated, but many children also suffered this fate during the period of unrest in their country. This fury only drove her to support Sakura in opening the Children’s Therapy Center that now had its own wing in Konoha’s hospital.

Speaking of which, the massive forehead of Konoha had recently approached her regarding her recent dilemma. Sai must’ve told her in confidence and she just had to once again stick her nose into things that were none of her business. But to her, it was her business when her friend and once teammate had come to her “asking for help,” as she had put it. Ino tried her hardest to dodge every question in her shoddy yet intense interrogation. She was successful in keeping her at bay by saying that she had every intention to talk to Sai, but was suddenly disheartened when Sakura revealed that he would be partaking in a 2 week mission very soon and that she didn’t have very much time.

I’ll just apologize when he gets home

Now those two weeks were up, and she had been desperately trying to gain the courage to approach him.

Luckily, she didn’t have to bide her time much longer, as Sai had entered the shop that afternoon, a sketch pad under his arm and hesitation present in every step.

“Ino, I-”

Ino held up her hand to silence him. “Do not apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

She paused, wondering if Sai would respond. He looked to be waiting for her to continue, the fingers of his right hand quietly drumming against the side of the sketch pad. Seeing this nervous mannerism, she took a deep breath before obliging.

Before she could utter a word, he pulled out the sketch pad, holding it in front of him. It revealed a single Zinnia flower drawn at the center of the page.

That deep breath might as well have been her last. Her hands suddenly covered her mouth.

“I want you to know how I’ve been feeling over this.” His voice was timid and wavering, betraying his nearly blank expression. He took a shaky breath, casting his gaze to the floor. “Because I don’t have the slightest clue as to what this is.”

Ino tried to listen to his words, but was still in the process of forming a coherent thought. “The thought of absent friends.” That was the meaning of the Zinnia. He just used hanakotoba to communicate with her.

Duh! Why hadn’t I thought of this before?

“You know what this means, right?” His eyes were now on her, one pale finger pointed to the flower.

She could not trust herself to speak just yet, so she only nodded.

Face now steeled, he lowered the sketchpad back down to his side. “I need to show you something else. Please come with me.”

________________________________________________________________

By the time Ino joined Sai at the entrance of the shop, she had calmed down a bit from her initial shock. She couldn’t help but feel incredibly touched. Sai had gone out of his way to study a language that she understood and strongly connected to. She wasn’t sure if he knew how romantic of a gesture that really was…

But that wasn’t the point! The point was that a wonderful opportunity had presented itself. Sai wasn’t too fluent in sounding out his emotions, but the flowers could. He successfully conveyed that he was affected by her absence in his life using the zinnia. Studying further into hanakotoba could really help him. The idea of teaching him about it made her heart soar. This didn’t last long, for the situation at hand had caught back up to her.

She lagged behind him as they proceeded their route towards his apartment. Or at least she assumed. This was the same path they took on Christmas Eve. The only silence came from them, as the village around them was abuzz with normal activity. She noticed that Sai kept tossing glances behind him, as if checking to make sure she was still following him. He was an excellent sensor, so why would he feel the need to reassure himself?

He must really be nervous.

The silence between them followed them up until they reached his apartment once more. Ino had made note that this silence was unlike the awkwardness of that night. This was a more intense silence. One that only grew deeper in meaning the longer it persisted. Ino’s trepidation began to overwhelm her as she climbed the steps leading to their destination.

Sai halted in front of the door, bringing his free hand up to scratch at his head.

“I’ll be honest with you, I don’t know what has gotten into me lately. All I know is that I feel guilty for what I did.”

Why should he feel guilty when I did this to him?

Ino was tired of making him feel this way. She wanted him to be able to embrace his emotions, not push them away.

“It’s ok.” She threw on a mask of indifference. “I was conflicted. I couldn’t help it. No one could.” She tried to wave off his concern, but he wasn’t convinced.

“But I made you feel conflicted. That wasn’t my intent.” Opting for a different stance, he crossed his arms as best he could with the sketch pad still in hand, left hand hanging onto his elbow.

Ino’s aggravation was growing stronger. He was as inquisitive as ever, but she couldn’t have him guess correctly. She had to use a different tactic to throw him off her trail.

“You know that there are other problems in my life, right? Christmas is always a hard time for me and mom since dad died!”

Sorry dad. I hate to use your name like this, but he can’t know.

Sai’s eyes widened and his arms dropped to his sides. He couldn’t argue with that.

Got him

Sai straightened up his posture before bowing to her

“I apologize for being so selfish. Forgive me.” His apology pierced the air. She had never heard him speak with such a commanding tone.

The silence that followed was as sharp as the apology.

Oh brother. This is going over well, now isn’t it? God I’m such an idiot.

Ino inwardly chastised herself. While it wasn’t a complete lie, dragging her own personal problems instead made him feel even worse. Sincere enough to bow. She realized that by covering up her own feelings, she in turn invalidated his. She had to get this back on track.

Realizing she hadn’t moved a muscle, he tried again, force completely forgotten.“You can leave. I’m sorry I dragged you out here.”

“Sai, lift your head. It’s okay. It’s not your fault. You wanted to show me something, right?”

Sai upturned his head, body still bowed. He was clearly caught unaware, confusion lining his face.

“But I mistakenly felt victimized by your grief. Why do you care what I have to show you?”

Ino had to sigh. He really was hopeless.

“Because we are friends. Your feelings matter too.”

That made Sai slowly return to his previous posture. He readjusted the sketchpad back under his arm before reaching for the doorknob, head dropping once more to focus on it.

Ino peered inside and audibly gasped.

Of all the things she expected, none of them matched this.

The floor was covered with sheets of paper. All of them were unfinished drawings. The easel that sat in the center of the room still held the unfinished sketch of her from Christmas. Upon further inspection, all of the drawings were of her. She unconsciously stepped into the flat, her hands moving up to cover her mouth for the second time that day.

“Sai… What happened?” She turned around to find him still standing in the door frame, shoulders now sullen. He stiffened himself up to hesitantly take a step inside.

“It’s strange, isn’t it? After you left, I couldn’t help myself. But since you wouldn’t let me look at you, I forgot what you looked like.” He chuckled at that, another smile lining his face.

As if this man couldn’t tear her heart to shreds anymore.

Ino spoke before the words could get trapped in her throat. “Sai. I’m so sorry.” She took one more painful glance at the easel before facing him. “I had no idea that I did this to you.”

Sai’s grin fell from his lips. For the first time that day, his gaze finally focused on hers completely

“I invited you over because I am grateful for all you have done for me. You saved my life and have only tried to help me when I have done nothing to show for that. You are so-” He paused, trying to find the right words.

Come on. Tell me how you feel.

Ino mentally cheered him on as he took in an audible breath.

“-Honest and unafraid to express your emotions. I admire that about you. I really want to be able to do that too.”

Her heart began to slowly piece itself back together, strengthening. She carefully walked towards the stool, minding her step with all of the paper littering her path.

“Why don’t we try this again then? She shot him a mischievous grin. “I promise to let you finish this time.”

She watched a dazzling smile bloom on his face before remembering his feet still worked. He followed her motion towards his own stool.

“I’ll hold you to it, Beautiful.”

She closed her eyes with a contented sigh as she seated herself. She was wonderfully wrong about Sai. This whole thing only proved to her that he would be capable of falling for her. She just wasn’t sure if all he needed was time, or a gentle but effective push.

“Please open your eyes for this. I want to depict them in this.”

She followed his direction without question. He was as blunt as ever, but that wasn’t exactly a bad thing.

She suddenly remembered that maybe she should act a little sooner with Sai. Naruto and Hinata had been in their own world since that moon mission, but her own boys were acting awfully suspicious as of late.

She made sure to smile for him, because she was pretty certain that he was smiling too.

And there's the conclusion! I hope you enjoyed this one. We are closing in on 10k words for the entire project and it hasn't even been a month since I wrote the first chapter. We are so close to getting these two together and I am getting psyched to do so.

I want to thank all of the readers who have done nothing but support my writing so far. I can't stress enough how thankful I am.

Until next time, and as always comments and criticism is always accepted

-Saikage

#Sai Journal #saiino #sai yamanaka #Ino Yamanaka #si fanfic

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buttered-ghost-toast · 4 years

Note

Listen, if you don't fill out all of those numbers and tell me everything about your MC I'm going to feel robbed

Oh geez, fam! ...aight. That took me a minute. But below you will find out more about my girl, Niri!

1. What is their favourite food?—

Cheeseburgers and carrots.

2. Do they have a fear of an animal? If so, what animal? –

Not a fan of snakes, lizards, frogs, sharks.

3. What do they wear to bed? –

Shorts and a t-shirt. Sometimes nothing at all!! That had to stop when she moved into the HoL though. Brothers poppin’ in at all hours gettin’ an eyeful. Lucifer was upset.

4. Do they like cuddling?—

1000000000%. Niri’s a big ol’ cuddle bug. Asmo’s all about it. So is Beel.

5. Do they have a secret handshake with anyone? -- With Astaroth. It’s quite elaborate and they only ever do it when they decide to get up to trouble.

6. What do they look like? –

She cute if I may say so myselffff (don’t judge me, she’s a self insert hah!) Mid to slightly above average height for a human female, fairly toned. Brown eyes, mid-back length hair that’s brown at the root, fades to a teal and purple under layers. Sometimes her hair will fade to a light yellowy-green. She has the hookup for dye from Barbatos who likes to procure things for her from the human realm. She also has quite a few tattoos.

7. Do they like chocolate? –

Only dark. She’s allergic to additives in certain milk chocolates so she doesn’t eat it much.

8. What are their good and bad traits?

Good: Helpful, kind, encouraging, quite a hard worker in any task given her.

Bad: Easily swept up into trouble by others, will prioritize naps over other stuff sometimes, awfully flirtatious which gets her in hot water with Lucifer because apparently lesser demons keep poppin’ by the house with gifts also HUMAN, DID YOU REALLY JUST SAY THAT TO LORD DIAVOLO?! Oopsssssss~ Also, you know how Luci’s always doing the “MAAAAMMMOOOONNNNN…”…yeah, that’s almost always followed by “NIIIIIRIIIIIIIIII….”

9. Do they have any artistic talent?

Yes. She’s a musician so there’s that…and she likes to paint.

10. What is their favourite room to be in, in the house they live in?

She likes the music room since the boys tend to spend quite a bit of time in there together, but she’s usually found in the kitchen making loads of food and baked goods…also, that’s where you’re more likely to find Beel, and she reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally likes Beel.

11. Do they believe in luck?

To an extent. She believes that luck exists, but she thinks relying on it is a bit naïve.

12. Can they do magic?

Like pull a rabbit out of a hat type thing? Yes. She picked up a few little tricks here and there from a friend who loves show magic. Def not the real stuff though.

13. Do they believe in dragons?

She didn’t until she went to the Devildom. Not that they just have dragons hangin’ out all willy-nilly, but she’s heard stories from the brothers and others about dragons.

14. What is a pet peeve of theirs?

Rudeness and liars who don’t give up even after they’ve been caught in the lie. Also people who demand things of others as if they’re property and not living beings with feelings …this isn’t about Belphegor at all. Nope. She doesn’t have issues with him still.

15. What was the last thing they cried about?

She was able to talk to all her bandmates at once for her weekly call home. They all just really miss each other, ok? It sucks that she has to lie to them about where she is because she knows they’re worried about her, but it was just nice to hear their voices.

16. What is their sexuality?

Pan.

17. Do they have a best friend? If so, who, and what makes them their best friend?

We’ll narrow this down to the Devildom. Niri gets along with everyone and literally loves all the beings she’s met and knows she could count on them for most anything, but there’s definitely a more solid feeling to her connection with Beelzebub. They sort of just get to be vulnerable and entirely open with one another and there is never judgement or ill will, even when Beel eats her secret snack stash…again.

She’s kind of getting to that point with Astaroth as well, but she can sense he’s still a little guarded in certain aspects, and she’s not going to push.

18. Have they ever been in a romantic relationship?

Yes, quite a few. It’s not her favorite thing to talk about since she’s been quite unlucky in that aspect, but hey, the past is the past.

19. What does their relationship with their family look like? Are they close? Distant? Ect.

Her actual family family (with the exception of her brother) are not close in the least. They’re sort of barely on speaking terms. Her chosen family (comprised of her band and some of the closest staff) is extremely close.

20. Do they have a pet?

No. She loves animals and had a dog up until recently, but they passed. It’s okay though, they had a good long life and it wasn’t painful for them when it happened.

21. Do they have a familiar?

Nope. Non-magical.

22. Are they a supernatural being?

Nope! “Boring” human, but she does seem to always find herself in weird situations that are sorta paranormal.

23. How do they usually wear their hair?

It really just depends on the day. If she had time to work on it, it’s down and straight. If it’s a rush in the morning (read: fight for the bathroom because Beel won’t MOVE) she’ll toss it in a bun or ponytail depending on how hot it is outside. There are the odd days when she’ll just let it vibe in its natural wavy/curly state, but she kind of got fed up with the brothers calling her a sheep because it’s so fluffy.

24. Can they play an instrument? If so, what instrument and what can they play?

Yes! She learned guitar and bass at a young age and was tinkering with drums before she was whisked away to the Devildom.

25. What type a high schooler are/were they?

She was the quiet weird kid that didn’t quite fit in with the weird weird crowd, but also wasn’t popular. Plenty of people knew her or of her, but she mainly stuck with her group of friends and was nice to everyone.

26. Have they ever been in a physical fight before? If so, with who? Who won?

Yes. Just small bits of violence. No one of import, tbh. But there was that one time they all went out to party at the fall and Mammon and Levi started teasing her and in her drunken state, Niri went to punch Mammon who managed to duck so she hit Levi square in the nose. He was fiiiiiiine.

27. What is their favourite holiday?

Halloween because it’s fun, Christmas because of the togetherness, and EASTER BECAUSE MARSHMALLOW PEEPS!

28. If they could have one wish, what would they wish for?

A pass to go from the Devildom to the Human realm and back whenever she wants forever.

29. Do they wants kids? If they already have kids, do they want more?

No. Never.

30. Do they have a job?

Yes? Being a singer in a band is a job, right? It doesn’t always feel like a job because it’s awesome, but it’s a job.

31. Do they know how to drive?

Yes. She has convinced Mammon to let her drive his car on a few occasions and every time they get back he swears NEVER AGAIN. She a little speed demon.

32. Do they get stressed out easily?

Funny story, actually…YES. But she is pretty good at not letting it show. So on the outside she’s like la-la-la~ but inside it’s all AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~~~

33. Did they ever dye their hair before? If so, to what colour? Did they like it?

Absolutely lol. Niri has gone through a few colors in her life, but her favorite is and always will be the teal. (Fun fact: the purple came from a happy accident a few years back when she dyed over a pink shade and a layer turned out purple. She liked it so now she does it that way on purpose.)

34. Have they ever broken the law?

Never anything egregious, but she’s gotten tickets for stuff in the human world. Disturbing the peace, speeding, she was fined once (along with her bandmates) for a surprise free show they did in front of a train station which got a lot more attention than they were expecting and wound up shutting down a couple city blocks. Oooooooooopsss~

35. Do they own a plant?

She’s really bad with plants. REALLY bad. She was gifted a plant by Simeon a couple weeks into the exchange program and it took an embarrassingly long time for her to notice it was a fake plant…since he knows she sucks at keeping things alive.

36. Have they ever rode a horse before?

Once, and it was a terrifying experience so she just keeps her distance now.

37. What is their favorite gif?

anything featuring Titus Andromedon.

38. Do they get along with others easily?

She tries to. It’s not always possible, but she tries, dammit!

39. Do they have any tattoos?

Several, yes. One arm sleeve done, starting the other arm, both thighs have massive pieces on them and both ribs done as well. There are also a few small things on her fingers and back.

40. If I wanted to draw them, what would be distinct physical features that I would have to know to draw them correctly?

Lotta hair. Looooooottttta hair. And heavily winged eyeliner. Big lashes.

41. What is their favourite breed of dog?

Huskies. They’re just so cute and sassy! And perfectly sized!! Great cuddle buddies and fun to run with!

42. Do they live with anyone? If so, who?

Not in the human world, but she’s got 7 kinda irritating roomies in the Devildom!

43. Where is their dream vacation?

She’s traveled extensively, so there isn’t anywhere she dreams of going that she hasn’t already seen. Her favorite place is anywhere mountainous and lush.

44. Do they know more than one language?

Yep. Niri’s a language nerd. Because she likes to speak to fans and stuff, she has set it on herself to learn as many languages as she can. She’s not perfectly fluent in all of them, but it’s a good handful that she can hold a full conversation in. She and Satan like to practice with one another around the house, despite complaints from the others.

45. Are they a quick learner?

Depends. Most things, yes…..math and processes requiring math, NO.

46. Have they ever won a contest before? If so, what for? What did they win?

No, she’s not really the luck having type.

47. If the world were to end in 24 hours, where would they be and who would they be with?

Probably hugging Beel. They hug often. They’re kinda always together. It’s gross according to Leviathan and Belphegor.

48. What does their room look like?

She didn’t change much in the room she was given at the HoL. Just added her fake plant from Simeon and a few human things…she actually got the “Hang in There” kitty poster just for kicks. Lucifer hates it.

49. If they could have an extinct animal for a pet, what would they have?

A dodo bird. Because they’re weird and cool.

50. If they got called out by someone, what would they do?

Laugh and argue probably. Depends what they’re calling her out on.

51. Have they ever shot a gun before?

Yep. Actually enjoys shooting, it’s a fun stress reliever. She makes a point to drop by shooting ranges every once in a while back home.

52. Have they ever been axe throwing?

Once at a renaissance festival on an odd week of downtime. She didn’t do so well. The throwing was fine, but she never hit the target. Just be glad she didn’t hit a person either!

53. What is something that they want but can’t have?

At the moment, all the people she loves in one place.

54. Do they know how to fish?

Nope! She’s a mess with that kind of thing. Also, she doesn’t like the idea of fishing for anything herself. It makes her cry to think of the fish on the hook :<.

55. What is something they always wanted to do but too scared?

Hmm…Niri tries to live her life in a way that she won’t have regrets, so even if something is scary, she’ll pluck up the courage to do it. But…she still hasn’t jumped out of a plane.

56. Do they own their own baby pictures?

Absolutely not. She cringes thinking of the outfits her parents used to put her in, so she did her best to keep those kinds of things buried and acts like they never existed. Nope. Was never a baby. Nope.

57. What makes them standout among others?

Niri is a pro at pretending she’s confident, so she tends to draw attention when she walks in a room like she owns the place. Also her hair is kinda bright.

58. Do they like to show off?

Not really. She’s flamboyant in a sense, but she doesn’t go out of her way to call attention or to be center stage…heh.

59. What is their favourite song?

She can never pick, honestly. There are so many songs that are so amazing!

60. What would be their dream vehicle?

That’s a very good question. Probably something sitting in her garage back home. Probably being driven by one of her bandmates. Because hey, what are friends for?

61. What is their favourite book?

Not that she isn’t a big reader, but she doesn’t really get the time to enjoy books. There’s always something that needs attention or someplace to be and she’s required to engage, so focusing on a book or story is hard, but she’s a fan of classic novels, poetry, and Greek tragedies are always good!

62. Who, in their opinion, makes the best food?

She likes everything Barbatos makes and thinks Luke’s desserts are fantastic, but there’s something about a human recipe that just warms her heart, so…..herself. Lol.

63. Are they approachable?

Absolutely! If you can get past her intimidating resting face.

64. Did they ever change their appearance?

Not drastically, but she has gone through a few different phases until settling on a good one.

65. What makes them smile?

The silliness of those around her. Thinking of good memories with family/friends. Puppies.

66. Do they like glowsticks?

Yes. She has a stockpile of glowsticks that the brothers keep adding to.

67. What is something that is simple, but always makes them smile?

Watching the brothers bicker, even if it’s getting out of hand. It reminds her of her friends and how they always pick on one another.

68. Are they a day or night person?

Night, usually. Not that she dislikes the daytime, but day usually has so much stuff to be done whereas night is the fun stuff that doesn’t need a schedule.

69. Are they allergic to anything?

Some milk chocolate, bell peppers, and certain devildom plants.

70. What do you, the creator of this OC, like most about them?

She’s a spunky little thing who loves to have fun and make others smile above all else.

71. Who is their ride or die?

In the Devildom, Beelzebub and Astaroth.

Beel for most things, and Asta for the stuff Beel won’t do.

72. Do they currently have a significant other? If not, are they going to get one later one?

Erm…eh…look, it’s never been officially labeled or anything, ok? Like yeah they’re kind always together and have pet names for each other and like always touch and cuddle and like snuggle up in bed together and stuffffffffffff but like, idk? Is Beel her dude? Like….do we wanna even get into that?????? I mean, maybe someday? Like…what? What was the question??

73. What attracts them to another person?

A genuine heart, a killer smile, and a rockin’ bod. Yeah okay look everyone can be a little shallow sometimes okay get off her case >__<.

74. Who is one person that can always make them laugh?

She’s a damn fool and will laugh at ANYTHING, so it’s not hard. Everyone makes her laugh. The girl will 9 times out of 10 laugh at herself for the dumbest moments.

75. Have they ever partied too hard and their friends had to take them home?

Oh yes many times. Many many times. One of the first few times she hung out (went on a date) one-on-one with Beel they had a drinking contest and as it turns out, he can really hold his devil liquor.

76. Who would be their cuddle buddy?

She’ll cuddle up to Beel 99.9% of the time because he’s big and warm and always happy to hold, but she also really enjoys cuddling with Asmodeus. He’s such a sweetie and he smells so nice and they just snuggle and talk and laugh and it’s a nice escape. (Loads of times there are Asmo x Niri x Asta sandwiches in Asmo’s room.)

77. Who would cheer them up after a long day?

She tends to go to one of the brothers depending on what kind of day it’s been. Most of the time it’s gonna be Beel because again, big/warm/happy to hold her, but there are occasions where she’ll drag Beel to one of the others’ rooms and they’ll just hang out.

78. If they had a nightmare, who would they run to?

I mean…Beel. Lol. He’s right there.

79. What object to the care for the most?

She has a picture of her friends from back home that sits on her desk. She treasures that above all while she’s down in the Devildom.

80. Do they like other people’s children?

Sure. Kids are fine as long as they go back to their parents after a bit.

81. How would they react if someone broke into their home?

Seeing as there’s always someone coming into her room regardless if she’s there or not, she probably would just shrug it off. If someone decided to have a bad lapse in judgement and break into the HoL? She wouldn’t have to lift a finger.

82. Does anyone make them have butterflies in their stomach?

I mean….Beel. Lol. He so big and cute! Also Diavolo because he also big and cute.

83. What is something that they are good at?

Crying to get out of trouble. She’s a little shit. Lol.

84. What is their neutral expression?

Niri kinda always looks pissed off or uninterested? Until she smiles and you realize oh, she’s just a big ol’ faker.

85. Do they like to cook?

Yes. It’s one of her very favorite things to do!

86. What is something they can’t leave home without?

Her phone! (and Beel) but like, there’s just so much a phone can do!

87. Who is someone that they rely on?

Have I mentioned ever that Simeon is (or was at one time) Niri’s guardian angel? He seems to always be there and ready to help in any way, so she’s pretty reliant on him and hopes he feels the same toward her. (He does. Cue uwu’s)

88. Do they liked to be tickled?

Absolutely not. She’s extremely ticklish and hates being tickled. She flails and cries.

89. Have they ever been a sword fight before?

No. No she has not lol. Unless empty wrapping paper tubes count? She’s done that.

90. What is a joke that they would find funny?

All the bad ones. All of them. Ugly laugh here we go!

91. Do they have a place that can go and turn off their brain?

The gardens at RAD. It’s peaceful and there’s a great view of the sky.

92. What was their childhood like?

Not bad, but not memorable. There was a lot of pressure put on her to be a perfect kid, and she didn’t get to have a whole ton of fun.

93. What are they like as an adult?

Responsible, but definitely fun-loving. Like I mentioned before, she likes to live in a way that she won’t ever regret not having done something she wanted to do, or regret any actions she took, so she’s always got an open mind and welcomes new experiences. She’s a big ol’ kid.

94. Do they take criticism well?

Yes. She welcomes criticism in any form as she is always looking to be the best person she can be.

95. Have they ever jumped out of a plane?

No. Not yet!

96. Who do they like to make jokes with?

Literally anyone. A total joker. Big big clown.

97. Have you ever drawn them before? If you are comfortable with it, would you post a picture?

Yes! I draw Niri every once in a while. I actually need to draw her again soon! I miss that girl.

#asks for Butter #get to know Niri

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arcanalogue · 4 years

Text

Notes on the Tetractys: Vol. 1

I have promised to do some writing about the Tetractys, so here it goes.

The first time this symbol blipped onto my radar was in 2009, when I learned about the it via somebody else’s artwork. At that point I had studied a bit of Greek philosophy and a heap of that Hebrew-adjacent mysticism that modern occultists appear to have bet everything on.

There’s literally no end to the amount of information out there about all of my favorite subjects, just waiting to be learned! This is why it’s so daunting for beginners who want to connect to certain magickal traditions: you want to know your shit, but we’re talking about areas of study which are notoriously difficult to access, and in many cases have been selected against in the great evolutionary arms-race of education. And then there are the gatekeepers upon gatekeepers upon gatekeepers...

The internet is an amazing tool for educating oneself, but there are so many ways to use it, and not a lot of instructions (just endless corrections). It takes a dexterous and inquisitive mind to exercise its potential in any focused way — to know what there even is to search for in the first place, and then how to search for it, how to dig into the crevices you find between related subjects and mine them for additional information... which informs future searches, etc.

But we still have it so much easier than anyone who came before us! Reading about the ways in which knowledge was passed down from teacher to student, from generation to generation, during the times of Pythagoras and other Greek philosophers is just fascinating to me. How did they manage to keep the chain from breaking?

Then you realize how many chains did break along the way. Those we have access to are just the ones which gained a critical mass of interest, or happened to be preserved, or managed to survive all the historical incidents that have wiped out massive amounts of history.

We gradually realize that at virtually any point during its existence, a thing can be lost. Sometimes these things are lost on purpose, other times they slip through our fingers as we reach for other things. And then in some rare instances, a lost thing can be found again. So there’s often a continuity in a thing’s existence that isn’t evident in our historical record — which, from a distance, could probably be visualized as a string of lights blinking on and off again as various things (ideas, objects, people) are lost, forgotten, rediscovered, and then lost again, blipping across humankind’s awareness and then retreating, over and over across centuries.

Basically we humans are playing a giant “don’t let the balloon touch the floor” game with our own history, except with billions of people and balloons in play at once, and some of the players unfairly seem to be armed with pointy sticks. It’s an absurdly clumsy scenario, and no matter how well we try to play together... suffice to say, there will be casualties.

The Greeks knew this. They’d already seen it! Which is why some of the traditions you read about were so strict, or so eccentrically intense. These teachers knew their entire body of work could go up in smoke, literally anytime. In many cases they’d observed it firsthand. In some instances, they’d personally wielded the torches! Since the very dawn of technology, probably pre-dating language itself, humans have been engaged in informational warfare.

This is one way that teachers, inventors and explorers actually manage to change the course of history: by determining who can be trusted with emerging information. That’s why security and access remain central to conversations about technology to this very day. What is beneficial to keep secret, and what should be made available to the public?

Some make these choices wisely, others choose unwisely, and everything we see around us is basically the grand result of all those choices.

Wait, wasn’t this supposed to be about the Tetractys?

*bops balloon back toward ceiling*

There’s a reason why certain symbols and designs from antiquity remain in play today, thousands of years later. It’s the same reason that creators are constantly trying to create new ones, or in some cases just scooping up old symbols, dusting them off, remixing and repurposing them for a new mission.

Symbols and patterns are sticky. We like looking at them, thinking about them, playing with them. Remember how you did this as a child, over and over: encountering a new symbol, you would draw it, repeat it. As a product of embedding it in your own memory, you leave it where it may be found by someone else. As a technology, symbols are uniquely equipped for longevity in the human world.

The human eye and brain are linked in a way that’s predisposed to recognize patterns, and pattern recognition is key to learning (among many other things) mathematics.

Mathematics (which I’m terrible at, so don’t worry, this isn’t about to become a math blog) will always the key to understanding the reality we inherited, and to seeing its potential as we gradually fabricate a new one.

The Tetractys is both a symbol and a pattern, which makes it especially sticky and especially fun to play with. With very little explanation, its layers of meaning begin to unfold in the mind. It teases, it reveals, it obscures. The Tetractys nudges us new toward thresholds of awareness, echoing the cascading effect of reality’s formation described in the Tetractys itself.

As such, it remains its own best recommendation. Is it any wonder that Pythagoreans flipped their collective lids over it?

The author at Organelle writes:

“What [Pythagoras] was gave us is nothing like what it at first appears to be. This is why people were swearing by his name for having brought this simple diagram into the world of human experience: a toy which none could own, and anyone with a stick and some dirt could instantly play with. It requires no manufacture — it cannot not be stolen or co-opted, and ‘giving it away’ causes the giver and the gifted to become ‘exponentially more wealthy’ — in ongoing progressions.“

As early mathematicians fleshed out new concepts, and invented new symbols to represent their discoveries, they were basically just skipping stones further down the stream, packaging ideas in ways that other humans would be able to recognize and access and build upon. Sometimes this was done in full public view, but often they worked in secret, because their bodies of work (as well as their actual bodies) were vulnerable to being dismantled by anyone who found them threatening.

The reason I chose to begin writing about the Tetractys this way was to highlight that there are many different forms of information, many forms of teaching, many forms of learning. And, as we have finally proven, the world is also full of different kinds of human intelligence, capable of many different things. We’re slowly digging out from preconceptions imposed on us by minds that were overly concerned with ideals; any deviations from the ideal were considered to be of lesser value, selected against.

That’s one consequence of hierarchical religious thinking, and it’s not hard to see how even the Tetractys — with its depiction of reality cascading downward from a perfected “monad” state to an earthly “tetrad” — could end up appearing to confirm earlier humans’ preconceptions about what human perfection ought to look like, sound like, be like. Contemplating the pure language of mathematics, or seeking the pure spiritual experience, we crave to reform ourselves and our world to reflect this pursuit.

Science and religion were conjoined for so long in our ancient history, it’s not surprising that notions conflating scientific purity and spiritual purity still turn up everywhere you look. We’re hooked on them! You see it a lot in New Age thought, and the desire to find confirmation of our spiritual beliefs in “natural” phenomena; the dreaded quest for “authenticy.”

I wanted to start by pointing out that I am not qualified to teach others in the formal sense. I have no accreditation. My academic pedigree is limited to... well, words written in a blog post, however thoughtfully I manage to string them together.

To learn tarot and other various practices, first I had to learn how to learn. For the most part, my education was missing this crucial step. I’ve always been quite naturally absorbent, but the moment my curiosity in any subject was satisfied, I considered my work done.

That’s probably how most people function when left to their own conclusions... unless survival dictates otherwise. But some of us discover we simply have to keep evolving, keep looking for answers, in order to endure. How do I adapt to survive in this world? What are its qualities? Where are its boundaries? What am I actually capable of?

Taking responsibility for my own education in the longer term is one of the greatest accomplishments in my life. I never thought so before; it’s been too easy to focus on everything I’m still lacking. But now that I’m looking back from my forties, I see a surprising amount of continuity and steady progress. By now I’ve also noted the way knowledge fades when it’s seldom-used, so that means I’m often stuck with the humbling, non-glamorous chore of re-learning everything that used to be right at my mental fingertips.

The Tetractys flickered in and out of my awareness back in 2009, and then lit up again years later when I was working on a series of instructional posts about the minor arcana cards.

This was the phase in my own practice when I began to leave the Tree of Life and other Qabalistic studies behind; the deeper I’d dug into them, the more I had to admit that my questions weren’t being answered — and in the meantime, I was being inundated with information that I had no practical use for. And as a non-Jewish person who reads and discusses the tarot quite often, I became uncomfortable relying on concepts related to the Hebrew alphabet that had been passed down by Western occultists.

At best, I had to admit that it was no longer helping me survive in this world.

Researching the overlapping history of the Tree of Life and the Tetractys, I realized this was a much firmer basis for my own personal investigations. The history of numbers and of symbolism has no direct path! But it’s very easy to end up sticking to the most well-trod path, even if it’s not going exactly where you’d hoped.

The Tetractys jewelry I created with Azamel was a way of marking that commitment with a reminder to keep learning, to question and refine my own interest in the subjects that appeal to me. I must be willing to adjust course, even if it means wandering through grass higher than my head. That feeling of ignorance and vulnerability is reminiscent of being child again, and comes with all of the wonder and discovery of childhood, as well as the requisite bumps and mistakes and redundancies.

In upcoming posts, I will share some of what I’ve learned from the Tetractys and how I’ve reinvested that into my tarot practice. I’m not “teaching” you how to use the Tetractys in your tarot practice, but I’m happy to help give the balloon another bump, and point to sources that might give you that delightful cascading sense of awareness.

By now I know many of you personally (even if just a bit!) and I know that our love of that feeling is one that knits us together. It also unites us with all the teachers and students of past traditions, many of whom made tremendous sacrifices just to be able to pursue and relive that feeling.

Thanks for reading! And special thanks to those who snapped up this bit of jewelry early on, it has meant the world to have SOME small thing to show for the long months sitting here in the vast semi-darkness of 2020. Developing the consecration ritual for the Tetractys jewelry, I felt almost like I was visiting people, imagining their surroundings, their cards, their questions.

It’s comforting to be surrounded by so many who are still searching, still learning. I do not believe this ever ends, even after death.

#tetractys #tarot #tarot cards #pythagoras #pythagorean

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qm-vox · 4 years

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So You Want To Play An Ogre

(Portrait of Arthur, the Once And Future King, provided by Hyenapie, character by me. You can catch him in New Avalon.)

Previous Articles: So You Want To Play A Beast, So You Want To Play A Wizened, & So You Want To Play An Elemental

Lost society is comfortable with violence; indeed, no Freehold truly has the power to not choose violence. They live in a precarious position, beset by threats from the Hedge, by the Gentry, by privateers and loyalists, and sometimes even by mortals who are willing to resort to abuse to get what they want from the Lost. But those their peers know as Ogres are more comfortable than most. Exposed to violence, beaten and terrorized, Ogres faced a choice to make it stop: fight back, or hide. Now that they are back home, the trick they must learn is when to not fight.

This article draws primarily on Changeling: the Lost, as well as Winter Masques and Swords at Dawn. Other sources, when used, will be cited. It requires Content Warnings for depictions of torture, maiming, abuse, cannibalism, and dad jokes.

Hurt People Hurt People - Ogre Overview

Ogre is the fifth Seeming presented in Changeling: the Lost; it joins Darkling in being one of the two Seemings most defined by violence, and Elemental in having a relationship to Lost society that is greatly informed by their expected function. Ogre is a surprisingly strong and versatile Seeming, with great breadth of concept, which unfortunately has been consistently published in...a particular way. We’ll get into that later.

Ogres have a relationship to strength and violence whether they like it or not (and many don’t like it at all); before their abduction they may have been consumed by envy for the strength of others, or they may have already lived a life defined by violence or brutality. The rarest and most striking Ogres were neither, but volunteered for their fate in the place of someone else. Regardless of how they came to the attentions of the Fae, Ogres are infused with inhuman might and come to learn how to use violence, intimidation, assault, and brute force to get their way. To be an Ogre is to always understand that there’s a second solution to any problem you’re faced with. What you do about that, that’s on you.

Put Some Battles Back - Homecoming As An Ogre

Ogres remember Arcadia with greater clarity than their peers, a fact for which they are decidedly not grateful. Rare is the Ogre whose Keeper’s image is not seared into their memory, alongside blurred months or years of constant abuse, beatings, and brutality. Though some Ogres, like the Wizened, are deliberately transformed by the Fae - racked until their living bones stretched inside their torn flesh, glutted on meat torn from shapeshifting oozes, hollowed from the inside-out by origami beetles that left them hungry and haggard - most transform simply because of how they are treated and what they do to survive that treatment. A Water-Dweller was kept, chained at the neck, in the pool of the Languid Nymph and offered no food but what he could catch, until he had sharp fangs and glowing eyes. A Stonebones used to be a construction foreman, until King Kobold needed someone to be his foreman - his endless fight against the things that dwelled beneath the Arcadian rock turned him into an Ogre when his peers became Miners and Tunnelgrubs. In the high castle kept by the Lady of Diamonds, a lurking Corpsegrinder is born amidst Darklings: the Lady leaves many corpses in the course of her cruel work, and she demands that her floors remain spotless. However it happens, these Ogres are transformed in ways that are similar to other Seemings (especially Darklings), but colored by violence and deprivation, to which the Ogre responds by fighting back. That urge to hit back, to roar and struggle, is the core of the Ogre experience - simultaneously their greatest strength and greatest weakness.

There’s a certain industriousness, for lack of a better word, to many Ogre Durances. Certainly some are simply turned loose into the Arcadian wild, where they become the Fairest of Lands’ sick equivalent of a murderous cryptid (quite a few Farwalkers and Gristlegrinders are like this), but most Ogres are put to simple, rough work - moving mountains, operating a slaughterhouse, herding & subsistence farming, guarding doors, hunting oathbreakers, and the like. Many, perhaps even most, Ogres have a fairly stationary Durance, defined by unchanging routine. Those Ogres who survive this abuse by becoming part of those systems and thriving inside of them rarely escape; often, it can feel safer to be the king of shit mountain than it is to flee to somewhere else that may be worse, with people you do not know and rules that are strange to you.

To escape, Ogres must change their relationship to violence. It isn’t just a matter of fighting back, but of remembering a time when they did not have to fight, when they walked without fear and bargained with no axe to hand. An Ogre cannot abandon violence entirely, not just because it is part of their Wyrd (and thus soul) but because their escape means bursting chains of moonlight, breaking the bones of cunning captors, and battering down the orichalum doors that separate them from their home, but they must remember that violence is a tool meant to serve them rather than a way of life. Most Ogres that make it back home have a very good idea of who they are and what they want out of life, precisely because these are the anchors necessary to rise above their Durance.

Ogres are typically brought back home by a need to defend someone or avenge themselves upon that person (or both, depending). Like all Lost, special people and places form the memories bright enough to guide an Ogre back through the Hedge, but for Ogres the awareness that those they love could become victims of the Fae, of hobs, or even just of mortal society, weighs heavily on their mind. Most Ogres are not inclined to leave the safety of their loved ones in someone else’s hands, and quite frequently the first thing a newly-returned Ogre does is make a beeline directly for those people they cherished, only to learn a harsh lesson about their Fetch. What happens from there varies wildly, but rare is the Ogre who puts a lot of physical distance between themselves and those they came home for, even if they make the choice not to re-enter those people’s lives.

Onions Have Layers, Ogres Have - Ogre Kiths

Even the scrawniest Ogre can become stronger than they look; their ability to invest Glamour in Strength, Brawl, and Intimidate rolls means that Ogres can always fall back on force or intimidation in order to get their way (and to lift the heavy-ass furniture in their house to get a vacuum under it, but I digress). This forms somewhat of a problem in terms of early coping once they make it back to the Iron Lands; falling back on intimidation to get your way makes sense when you’re confronted in a dark alley at 3 in the morning, but it’s not the ideal way to handle learning that your server at McDonald’s forgot your sauce. Still, this access to force means that Ogres often fall naturally into filling their Freehold’s need for violence, a need all Freeholds have. Having an early and easy place to belong can be a help for an Ogre’s integration into their new society, but it can also be a hidden weight; often, in their thirst for soldiers, Freeholds leave behind other talents their Ogre citizens might have. An Ogre that used to be a civil engineer, an quartermaster for the Army, a librarian, or even a technical boy still has those talents - talents that can be rarely found in-house amongst the Lost.

Where the common weakness of Wizened is often overlooked or misinterpreted as willful rudeness, the mystical flaws of Ogres are as famous as their strengths. Ogres, to put it bluntly, have problems with emotional control that go above and beyond other Lost; their penalty to Composure makes them vulnerable not just to social manipulation and magical attacks on their emotions, but also means that Ogres have problems concealing their feelings even when they’d like to. How this manifests in your game can be...complicated. nWoD never really had an okay relationship with social skills, which are quite often run as a sort of mind control; make the roll, person does what you want. This is...bad...but replacing it is tricky (we’ll get more into this later). Either way, this means that Ogres can often get a reputation for being gullible, stupid, violent, and/or horny on main depending on how those around them choose to both needle and interpret their vulnerable emotions, and while an enraged Ogre can certainly choose to, say, leave the room instead of start a fight, the fact of the matter is that everyone sees them losing their cool first.

How Ogres cope with this varies. Some, uncomfortable with social situations to begin with, adopt a gruff persona - after all, you can’t lose social games that you refuse to play. Others lean in, cultivating a reputation for forthright honesty that, in a society as riddled with trust issues as that of the Lost, helps dispel some of the intimidating air that stalks Ogres. A few, generally those whose life is spiraling out of their control or who are under great stress, instead embrace violence and fear and relate to everyone else by hitting first and asking questions later, or never. However, even the friendliest Ogre never quite shakes the habits of wariness and caution when others are opening their mouths; for too many, letting disrespect slide was a sign of weakness that could get them hurt in Arcadia, and for almost all of them the manipulations of others have left them understandably leery of being used up and thrown away.

Ogre Kiths generally embody forms of violence; they reflect the abuse the Ogre suffered through, but also the strengths that Ogre learned in fighting back against said abuse. The industriousness of Ogre Durances means that for most, their Kith is the result of the fae labors they undertook, but unlike Wizened or Elementals few Ogres were deliberately transformed to suit such labors: rather, those who were incapable of transforming often died instead, and the voices of those who never made it back may yet haunt a given Ogre’s dreams. Regardless of Kith, Ogres show remarkable solidarity with one another; all other things being equal, an Ogre is more likely to turn to another Ogre for advice, help, or shelter than a member of another Seeming, because their common bonds make such a request feel like less of an admission of weakness.

Some thoughts on the individual Ogre Kiths follow:

Cyclopean - Cyclopean’s hard mechanical effect - 8-again on perception rolls - is an absolute workhorse of a bonus applicable in an incredible amount of situations, and as Kiths go it’s worth taking for that alone. However, Cyclopean also gets the power to smell things that are not, strictly, scents; the regretful heart of a widow, the blood of an Englishman, the sharp-sweet scent of fear-that-is-ended, and more. Even White Wolf seems to have realized they made this part of the Blessing a bit overly broad (you can see it get an entire sidebar in Winter Masques), but I would encourage you to resist the urge to restrain it. Though this potentially has overlap with several Contracts (the entire Fleeting line and Spellbound Autumn, for starters), one’s choice of Kith is rather fucking expensive, and even running Cyclopean generously neither wholly replaces the Clauses in question nor precludes your character from using them in combination to learn even more.

Farwalker - Ogre does Darkling, and a favorite of furries who don’t see Beast and immediately lose their goddamn minds. Farwalker is rarely a bad choice; it’s got a powerful and straightforward bonus that comes with a free reroll and is applicable in many environments, and for the most part it’s what it says on the tin. Farwalker is also a great choice to Dual Kith in-house to make a more violent concept into a stalking predator.

Gargantuan - I have two questions for you: do you like being lorg, and do you know what being lorg actually does? Because White Wolf sure the fuck did not. The hard mechanical effect of Gargantuan is to increase your Size by your Wyrd, then deal 1 Lethal to you when you go back to normal size. This has numerous problems; first, while you get additional Health (because you lorg), any damage you take that goes over your normal max ‘crushes’ into your usual health bar, immediately stacking with the extant damage; turning back to normal may well kill you on its own. And that’s it, that’s the whole effect as of Lost 1e RAW. Which seems weird, right? White Wolf seemed to think a whole +1 Size was worth FOUR FUCKING DOTS of Merits (Giant Size, World of Darkness core), but Size doesn’t actually...fucking...do anything. Melee combat doesn’t represent any increased reach or advantage through Size, as would be the case in real life; you can’t apply your Strength in bigger or better ways based on your Size (so your Gargantuan can’t more easily lift or shift heavy weights or carry more friends on her back). Having greater Size doesn’t help you in grapples (and even if it did the grapple rules in this system don’t work). So what’s it for? White Wolf writes like Size does all these things, but it just...doesn’t, and I cannot suggest this Kith in good conscience given that situation. It’s a shame, as Gargantuan is otherwise full of fascinating thematic and personal potential; it’s rife with the potential to explore why abused people in a new situation might consider going back to an abusive one where they understood the rules and felt as if they had power. But it just. It just sucks so much. Don’t take this Kith.

Gristlegrinder - Gristlegrinders are your cannibals, your hungry demons, and the like. Unfortunately this is another useless Kith; gotta grapple to bite, or you could do literally anything else because FRIENDS DON’T LET FRIENDS GRAPPLE IN WORLD OF FUCKING DARKNESS. White Wolf wrote a lot of narrative about Gristlegrinders being able to take bites out of furniture, chomp through walls, and digest solid metal, but guess what didn’t make it into the Kith’s mechanics and therefore doesn’t exist? I’m not sure where to start on fixing this, because letting them bite without grapple makes them strictly better than Hunterheart and the new home for melee optimization, but letting them eat objects might not be enough in itself.

Stonebones - Ogre does Elemental But Better. Stonebones are your rock trolls and their kin, but their blessing of Obdurate Skin can also be used to represent mystical invulnerability (think about Grendle in Beowulf), thick fur or hide that grows to protect the Ogre, or even implanted force fields for those Grays-inspired Lost. Stonebones’ Blessing isn’t the greatest at first (when it’s a 1-1 trade between Armor and Defense) but it scales rapidly with Wyrd, quickly becoming one of the most powerful defensive tools in the game second only to five-dot Contracts that turn you fucking ethereal.

Water-Dweller - This one’s interesting, but like the other water Kiths I’ve talked about it’s very specialized. The power to Lie Under Waves means you can do a lot of water stuff without having to invest in specialized abilities, but honestly you’ll probably still want to Dual Kith into Swimmerskin for the swim speed. If your campaign is good for a water concept, this is a good Kith. If it’s not, it isn’t.

Bloodbrute - Bloodbrute is Fine(tm). It doesn’t speak to a lot of folklore, but it slots in well with urban legends, slasher horror, and the like. Mechanically, Improvised Mayhem is strictly worse than just having Lethal Mien or being a Hunterheart or Razorhand, but it works fine enough and has some interesting creative uses with a generous storyteller.

Corpsegrinder - The secret errata for Gristlegrinder; Corpsegrinders are also cannibals, corpse-eaters, and predators, but their Kith Blessing actually works. It’s not the greatest, but it’ll happen in most fights and it’s extra spicy if your campaign is thematic for a Corpsegrinder character. Do you want to be Goth, but also Lorg? Here you go.

Render - No Kith quite captures the themes of industriousness in Ogre like Renders do. Renders may have been overseers of Wizened slaves, or you could use them to represent the sort of things Gristlegrinder is sold to do but can’t; eating walls, slurping up noodles made from bicycle parts, and the like. Mechanically, Render is Fine(tm) but most of what you’d use Render for you can cover with Contracts of Stone already, and as an Ogre you’re running Stone or you’re wrong.

Witchtooth - Half of this Kith’s blessing doesn’t work. Witchtooth is for representing ogrish sorcerers; cannibal witches like Baba Yaga, fearsome wizards like Koschei the Deathless, Grendle’s mother (who knew secrets of sorcery she shared with her son) or Utgard-Loki, and the like. The bonus to Occult rolls is cool and legit, but the Contract bonus does literally nothing. Now, for me one thematic element that links these stories are the magical tools these Ogrish witches use, so I’d personally suggest adding a thing that mimics or even just does what Spellbound Autumn does and let Witchtooths divine the functions of items of Wyrd with some time and maybe Occult rolls; a powerful but ultimately still mystical bonus that is not easily replicated out-of-house.

Troll - “Oh damn, Vox is doing a culture Kith,” you say. “Did he finally remember that chapter of Winter Masques exists?” Well you see, I never forgot, but Troll is the only one I’m going to bring up because the others fucking suck so instead of doing an entire-ass entry for each article about a bunch of sloppy cultural appropriation that doesn’t have the decency to even be mechanically viable we’re gonna bring up the only one that’s both good and respectful and then MOVE ON WITH OUR LIVES. Troll! It’s Ogre Does Fairest, but in a distinctly Ogrish way; adding your Strength dots to Manipulation rolls for a Glamour lets Trolls “flex” their social skills the way other Ogres flex their awesome might, which is both a powerful tool and a genuinely interesting dynamic. Trolls are great for riddling giants, sneaky predators, retained guards who test intruders who would enter their castles, and the like. I’ve got a lot of love for this Kith and it should have been baseline.

Incel Propaganda And Other Reasons To Hate White Wolf - Lost’s Canon Ogres

I need to preface this section in particular, and its later companion section in the Fairest article, that this is nothing to do with Lost 2e and the writers at Onyx Path. They’ve been doing phenomenal work with the gameline thus far and have not really exhibited the problems I’m about to describe; this is definitely a product of Lost 1e and more broadly of the vile management that White Wolf employed before Daddy Paradox banished them to the shadow realm over that whole Vampire fiasco, finally ridding our hobby of their evil at long fucking last.

That said, let’s get the fuck into it.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one: an evil, manipulative woman uses her feminine wiles and the tempting but eternally withheld reward of Sex With A Real Person to manipulate a Nice Guy into doing her bidding, whom she Strings Along and Teases to keep subservient to her, only to throw him away with Cruel Indifference once he has done something sufficiently awful so as to render him useless.

Welcome to Ogres as depicted in Changeling: the Lost, not just once but multiple times per supplement. Frequently Ogres are depicted in relationships of various kinds with Fairest, and these relationships consistently reinforce toxic stereotypes about men of color, bears, and butch lesbians, as well as a reductionist view of hetero relationships that lines up almost exactly with incel propaganda and transphobic rhetoric. To be clear, all of the canon depictions are heterosexual and white; what I mean by this statement is that attempting to queer the presented dynamic only makes it worse, not better. Ogres are framed as violent brutes out of control of their own actions and behavior, who are dangerous to the fragile flowers in their lives, whilst simultaneously being the innocent Nice Guys who are victimized by promises of love or sex that will be eternally withheld.

This is, needless to say, some fucking horse shit. And yet we see this over and over again, male Ogres victimized or traumatized by women specifically; Bert’s subservience to Damiana (Autumn Nightmares), who lies to him to keep him in her life. Long-Tooth Tom (Night Horrors: Grim Fears), who lost his mind when he came home to find his daughter gone, Violent (Dancers In The Dusk), who is literally mind controlled by magic titties (no really. No, really), and my personal favorite, the dude from the opener to Goblin Markets who paid Liz Malloy to force someone to love him, then brutalizes Liz when she didn’t do it exactly as he wanted. The only Ogre relationship not characterized this way is in The Rose Bride’s Plight, and it is the only good part of that otherwise godawful adventure; the relationship there is genuinely loving and loyal, and motivates the plot.

Taking that a step further, we only really ‘see’ two female Ogres with names in the game’s run. The first is the Warhawk in core, a classical Stonebones (tall, broad, muscular) running a shell game with her identity in order to prosecute open war against Arcadia. The second is Angel, from Winter Masques, who is rather more classically feminine than the Warhawk, with a djinni-like Mien, but is also framed for the entirety of her only appearance as an object of desire on the part of the narrator.

You can begin to grasp the problem.

So, what do you do about this at your table? I’d argue that the coding of Ogres is going to be unavoidable unless you’re reading this article in a future where we’ve solved our gender problems, in which case ah, hi archaeologists, I hope this has been fucking helpful. But under the assumption that you’re trying to enjoy Lost 1e here in The Year Of Our Lord Two Thousand And Twenty, I’d suggest that instead of trying to duck or avoid this coding, you take a two-step approach; leaning in (showing the positive sides of the Ogre experience and making and portraying Ogres with nuance), and providing folks of other Seemings that have similar coding or are just explicitly the things Ogre is an allusion to. If you’re the Storyteller of your campaign (or the author of a fic, like myself), hit us with femme Ogres with butch Fairest or Wizened girlfriends. Show your players Winter Ogres who keep their desires close to the chest and conscientiously work for the good of others; drop a trans Ogre into the mix (a Corpsegrinder lass, perhaps, who caught the eye of a Spring chef that likes adventurous palettes).

As a player, well, there’s not much I can say besides don’t be a dick. The beauty and power of Lost is about being able to explore your own experiences and if you’ve chosen Ogre to do that then you’re gonna be a better judge of that than I am. I’ve laid out the traps in the writing for you to be aware of.

More on the Ogre/Fairest dynamic will appear in the Fairest article; for now, we move on to...

Now I’m A Believer - Ogres In The Courts

All Freeholds have an existential need to enact violence, and most assume, rightly or wrongly, that a new Ogre arrival will help them fulfill that need; even the most peaceful and isolationist Freehold lives in fear of the True Fae, to say nothing of marauding hobgoblins, the threat of privateers, and dream-demons. More typical Freeholds not only take pro-active action against such threats, but may have to engage in violence in the mortal world as well; Summer spends its time beating the shit out of abusers and predators, and the Freehold as a whole might compete with more mundane criminal interests for resources, specialized skill sets, or access to local government. Even an Ogre seemingly disinclined to violence (an extraordinary rarity) will generally get lumped into a sort of ‘manual labor’ role without a lot of thought on the part of Freehold leadership a lot of the time; after all, things need to get built up, torn down, placed in high spots, or remodeled, yeah? Ogres are good at that!

Ogres tend to be of the opinion that they get the worst of the magical racism to which the Lost can be prone, and honestly, they’re not wrong about that.

As alluded to earlier, this unthinking habit leads a lot of Freeholds to misuse or neglect the skill sets their Ogres might have; some of the worst never bother to ask or find out what those skills are in the first place. Often, though, they misuse violence too; Ogres have a keen awareness of what it means to threaten violence, to enact it, and to perform it, and when to do each one. Your average Ogre engages in serious, for-real violence against other Lost or mortals pretty rarely, because Ogres understand that violence is a tool that can get them what they want - but not if they beat a man so badly that he can no longer give it to them. And that’s not even mentioning the way that threatening people any time you want something from them tends to make relationships with them much less friendly. These truths, combined, mean that any given Ogre is resorting to violence to fulfill a very specific and actionable need, and once that need is fulfilled the violence will stop like a switch has been flipped.

In terms of how Ogres relate to their Courts, they often hope for high ideals, but expect cynical realpolitik. The reality is often not quite either, but from the perspective of the Ogre it certainly feels like realpolitik a lot; when you’re the guy they call to beat someone, break something, lift something else, or haul something out of a ditch all the time, it’s easy to start thinking that’s all the folks you work for want or need done. For many Ogres, who struggle with their self-image and with guilt over what they’ve done and become to survive, the promise of healing and high ideals is something precious that they both must have and must hide, lest it turn out to be false - or worse, true and then stolen from them by some new tormentor. the attempt to hide their needs rarely works, but most other Lost politely pretend that it does for the sake of their Ogre friends.

Spring - Like most Lost, Ogres tend to be late joiners of Spring, and as a Seeming they do tend to be somewhat underrepresented in the Antler Crown. While there’s some truth to the idea that Ogres end up in Spring due to the Lost equivalent of thirst following, or because they have friends in Spring and they want to be closer to those friends, these are mainly the rare Ogres who are early adopters; more typically, an Ogre joins Spring looking for the renewal it can offer, after they’ve had the chance to come to terms with their trauma. It’s not a decision made lightly, as Ogres understand full well that in joining Spring they enter an arena in which they are highly vulnerable, but for those who embrace the promise of Spring and can learn the game, Ogres can exemplify the relationship between Spring and Autumn, learning how to ‘threaten’ others by withholding that which they Desire, implying that others might take it instead, and sowing doubt and fear of what those close to you might really want, need or feel. Once they do join, Ogres often go quite far in Spring.

Summer - The Iron Spear is a Court that Ogres often join early on, and it has a lot to offer them; a positive outlet for their new skill set, advice on coping with anger and loss, a knightly ideal to live up to, and a brotherhood worthy of trust. That said, Ogres can be somewhat more vulnerable to the toxic aspects of Summer, and can indeed flock to toxic Summers for the promise of strength and all the luxuries that unfettered strength can provide them. On the whole, though, Ogres that join Summer are often looking to protect others, and are shining examples of the Iron Spear’s ideals gone right, both as works in progress and as veteran members with the chance to heal.

Autumn - Ogres are often considered ‘natural’ Autumn joiners, partially because they can excel there (violence is scary, and the Ogrish propensity for the Intimidate skill serves them well in the Leaden Mirror), and partially because other people are scared of Ogres and assume they belong with the spooky Court. Ogres who join Autumn are often those who don’t want to - or deliberately decide not to - change the survival tactics they learned in Arcadia. Cannibalistic Corpsegrinders and murderous Water-Dwellers get a lot of press as Autumn Ogres, but folks such as Farwalkers, Stonebones, and Trolls are actually far more common; such Ogres are defined by their own personal fears, and they seek the promise of Autumn to learn how to respond to their terror with a sense of proportion. That same promise speaks to Ogres more readily and more clearly than that of Spring; the promise of rebirth can feel like a distant fantasy, but a more controlled monster? One who scares only those they want to scare? That’s a lot more immediate and real. In Autumn, the thoughtless prejudice of other Lost serves the Leaden Mirror’s Ogres in good stead; few anticipate a seven-foot Stonebones who can rip an engine block in half with his bare hands instead attacking them in their dreams or subverting their fragile Pledges.

Winter - Winter is a relatively rare choice for Ogres, and Ogres are among those Seemings least likely to sign on for an early stint and least likely to stay even if they do. Those who do drift towards the Silent Arrow do so for the promise of a new life built on their own terms, and because Winter’s openly transactional nature is a way for them to control the terms on which they deal with their new fellows and new society. Many Ogres are, after all, out of practice in the arts of handling Other People, and even more are justifiably wary of being tricked or manipulated into their own ruin, and Winter’s openly mercenary culture and habits of silence can be an immense comfort in terms of those fears. Ogres in Winter tend to flourish in roles like the Sun Banisher or Archers of the Lonely March; positions in which their physicality can meet Winter’s firm insistence on stealth and come out on top.

Blood On My Name - Ogres And Changeling’s Themes

No Seeming embodies the inevitability of violence in the life of the Lost the way Ogres do; not just in that Ogres are primed to look for and directly combat the many ways in which Freeholds live under siege, but in the way that Ogres embody that all abuse is, in itself, a form of violence. Fittingly for the Seeming, Ogre is not subtle about the kind of trauma it’s meant to embody, and the books go into quite a bit of it; even before becoming Lost, Ogres may have been the victims of child abuse, athletes pushed to break their bodies only to be discarded by those who claimed to love them, poor citizens forced into violence and crime to survive, or those scarred by trying to protect the victims of any of the above. Together with Darkling, Ogre is part of the so-called ‘Prison Duo’ as well; the two Seemings best primed to represent the horrors of for-profit prison and other forms of abuse disguised as justice. That the Fairest of Lands so often reflects abuse they already knew in life is a throughline that is not lost on those who survive to return to human lives they may well have hated. To cope with their abuse, and to survive it, Ogres learn violence and practice it. For many, that means learning to prey on those smaller, weaker, or slower than they are, and coming back knowing that you’ve become the kind of person who does that.

A wise friend of mine once described PTSD - a condition she copes with herself - as having your pattern recognition stuck on recognizing fucked-up shit, and this is the reality that Ogres face. ‘Raised’ amidst violent environments in which small gestures are signs of threat, attack, or danger, Ogres face the challenge of adapting to a human society in which many of those same gestures can be much more innocuous or in which violence is not an acceptable answer. In Arcadia, if someone is shouting at the Ogre and putting him down, the answer is to hit first, hit hard, and keep hitting until they submit; on Earth, that sorta thing is generally called battery and it’s going to get you into trouble. That human society frames such reactions as evil, monstrous, malevolent, feeds into the self-worth problems that plague Ogres; so many see themselves as having turned into monsters to survive, and feel crippling guilt over their ‘monstrous’ thoughts, fears, and skills.

But they’re not monsters. They’re just people, whose coping mechanisms have become at least partly (but not wholly) maladaptive. The struggle that Ogres go through in learning to tell the difference between violence that is necessary, just, and righteous, versus violence to soothe the howling terror in their minds, reflects the struggle of far too many real-life people who had to learn violence to get out of their own situations alive. That many Ogres remain in violence as a profession has its own grim parallels as well, but it’s not all bad news; marginalized groups do need people that are good at kicking shit in and de-escalating violent conflict, and Ogres are very good at being those people, if they want to be.

Just as Elementals are not wholly defined by their magic (see this section in So You Want To Play An Elemental), so too should your Ogres not solely be defined by violence. Think about the things that comfort or soothe your Ogre characters, about the other skills in which they take pride or practice, and especially in how they cope (or fail to cope) with their intense emotions. Gluttony is a famously Ogrish vice (and alcoholism definitely beckons for many who structure a life around violence), but there are many other possibilities. One Ogre joins with Summer, looking to become a great enough hero to ‘atone’ for her crimes in Arcadia; another signs on with Spring, basking in the gratitude and intimacy of the more fragile Courtiers he protects. Does a peaceful and meditative pursuit like bonsai or painting suit your Ogre? What about the opposite; athletics, videogaming, or drag racing? Even the grimmest and most failed Ogre does something for fun besides just Being An Ogre.

WHAT! ARE YOU DOING! IN MY SWAMP!? - Coping as an Ogre

Ogres join Wizened and Darklings in having a great concern for their immediate environment; their fears revolve around their personal sanctity and safety, and establishing that feeling for themselves is paramount in coping with their day-to-day lives. All other things being equal, Ogres generally prefer to own their own homes rather than live with others or in a group environment such as an apartment or condominium. Some of that is just that other people can’t threaten you if they’re not around, but in large part it’s actually practical; many Ogres are, to put it scientifically, swole as fuck and need to be able to make modifications to their home in order to actually live inside of it. Those with the privilege to be invited as a guest to an Ogre’s home may notice that the decoration, regardless of other elements of the Ogre’s style (which might be spartan, artistic, colorful or bleak, or anything else that reflects its resident), the home has a lot of open space and clear paths of travel. It may be lacking in furniture such as coffee tables, and its shelves, desks, and kitchen tables will generally be up against the wall, out of the way of the owner and any guests. This is because an Ogre’s first line of defense in trouble is generally the Ogre; those who break into the home or attempt to attack an Ogre in their place of power find out quickly that there is nowhere to run or hide.

Like Beasts, Ogres often extend this sense of territoriality over the area around their home, but this manifests in markedly different ways. Ogres generally want to at least meet their neighbors in person, and even the gruffest and most retiring Ogre will introduce themself to ‘their’ people, offer contact information (in case of trouble), and make some neighborly gesture. This lets the Ogre size up their neighbors and also make it clear that they can be turned to if they’re in need of help. Woe betide anyone fucking with an Ogre’s neighborhood; even if an Ogre genuinely hates all of their neighbors and wishes them ill, robbing the house at the end of the street is going to turn on the Ogre’s ‘fight’ response and you’re gonna find yourself hauled out of the window you’re climbing into and getting your shit kicked.

Once they’re settled in, Ogres - ironically much like Fairest - tend to define the arc of their lives in Lost society in terms of friends defended, accolades earned, and glory gained. Many have a strong urge to earn their keep, and even for those that don’t the praise of their peers tells them that they are valuable, loved, and accepted amongst their own. Ogres often make friends with Wizened and Darklings, who share similar problems in Lost society to them and whose own strengths and weaknesses compliment those of the Ogre. It is not necessarily uncommon to find an Ogre playing telephone between two Lost whose anxieties keep them from talking to each other directly, and in this sense Ogres can also earn their way as unsung diplomats; a party trusted for their guilelessness and honesty as much as for their feats of strength. Of course, any given Ogre is often as socially awkward as the people they’re helping, but in some cases that’s an advantage; it makes them feel more trustworthy in comparison to fast-talking Beasts or silver-tongued Fairest.

Example Ogre - Trista Blossoms, Spring Troll

Trista Blossoms serves her Spring Court and her Freehold as its Sage Escort; she councils Lost young and old on matters of romance, sexuality, identity, and relationships of all kinds. Trista rather famously used to serve in Summer as the Sun’s Tongue before unexpectedly defecting to Spring in a scandalous move that probably would have been a much smaller deal if not for Spring’s incessant thirst for drama. More than a year of speculation buzzed around the Troll’s ‘betrayal’, until it all came out at the Spring Revel; Trista had joined Spring seeking the heart of one Clockwork Claire, an Artist serving the Emerald Crown, and professed her love in front of God and everybody - only to learn that Claire was straight as an arrow.

It didn’t really go down how anyone expected. In that moment, Tristra learned that her love - even unrequited - had motivated her to become and live as her best self. She remains very close friends with Claire to this day, and a darling of the Freehold’s lesbian community. She’s even smoothing things over with Summer now that all of the cards have been laid on the table, as it were, and working hard to help her fellow Ogres deal with their shit when they make it back home. It’s a good life, and Trista Blossom’s having a good time living it.

Next up: Darklings

#Changeling: The Lost #seemings #ogre #rpg #abuse #trauma #violence #cannibalism

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starr-fall-knight-rise · 5 years

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Humans are Space Orcs, “Second Contact.”

So, I got quite a few requests to add a sequel to my first contact story, and as it turns out, it might take more than one to get all my ideas out on the page. this is technically a stand alone sequel to the first two, and there will probably be more following it later on. I want to do one detailing the linguistic aspect of first contact, but if that isn’t something you want to hear best make it known now.

Please send your questions critiques comments messages, prompts, and ideas to me :)

The Bran struggled with complete shock and confusion. Fear ran rampant through their ranks as they spied quietly on the horrid predators from a distance. After the initial contact, subsequent chase and eventual first meeting, the creatures had retreated backwards towards their strange craft with their subordinate creature in tow.

After the creatures had left, the Bran had contacted the galactic assembly for immediate military assistance to deal with the hostile invader. The galactic assembly had been skeptical on the nature of the creatures, and their supposed aggression, but all reports of the creature’s species index had come up negative.

They could have told them that. The entire galaxy would have been alerted long ago if a creature like this had appeared. First of all because of their nature as a predator species, that was almost unheard of across the galaxy and definitely unheard of in sentient life.

Examining them from a distance, a few thing became clear, the odd creatures had a definite hierarchy, the first creature contacted was definitely the subordinate member of the pack, and seemed to be receiving punishment for running off. Additionally, it seemed that they had a coordinated communication system, or, a language set. Immediate postulation marked the odd grunting, humming, clicking, and hissing as the source of their communication.

Representatives of the Galactic Assembly, and linguistic experts would be on site within the next hour, hopefully with a contingent of solders to take care of the problem. The Bran had always mistrusted creatures that could shrug off the effects of dihydrogen monoxide.

“I said I’m sorry.” 2 Lieutenant Vir complained from where he sat on the asteroids rocky surface.

The rest of the landing team gathered around him with looks of anger and disapproval, “What the hell were you thinking, chasing after that thing by yourself. You could have been killed, or worse, eaten alive.”

He went to open his mouth, but Captain Kelly cut him off, “Never mind that, first.” She turned away engaging the com on her helmet, “Alpha 1 to Enterprise, Enterprise do you copy, over.”

“Copy Alpha 1, this is Enterprise, over.”

“W…. We have contact…. Sentient life…. We have made contact…” She trailed off in disbelief

“Say again Alpha 1.”

“ALIENS.”

Static, “I…. I hear you Alpha 1, readying contact teams.”

“Sent the linguist down, will you, we may need her.”

Lieutenant Vir sighed in frustrated annoyance turning to look out at the vastness of space, it was, intoxicating. He was going to have to get used to it.

He blinked, and all of a sudden his eyes widened, “Captain!”

“Alpha 1…..

There was a long pause of awe, “I see it.” As the massive – silver ship glided towards them.

The landing team came in quick and fast surrounding the small landing craft and the group of towering creatures. Plasma weapons were readied, and countermeasures were made as the small group of predators huddled themselves together in a tight circle.

They hummed and clicked at each other in that frantic way they had.

“Are those exoskeletons.” One solider whispered to another

The creature frowned, “What else could it be….?”

“Spacesuit?”

“I suppose.” He responded skeptically. The circle of predators shifted, and the entire circle stepped aggressively forward determined to show their power and dominate this new, unknown species.

More clicking and hissing followed, and then one of the creatures lowered its weapon. Two white and green orbs glowed from behind anterior faceplate. The other creatures turned to hiss at it, but the creature kept going, dropping the weapon slowly to the ground then raising its hands into the air.

“What is it doing?”

“I don’t know, trying to intimidate us?”

The creature stepped forward. Weapons immediately clicked into position, the predator stopped for a long moment before slowly lowering itself towards the ground dropping its hands and lowering its head. It shuffled forward from there on all four appendages awkwardly, as if it wasn’t meant to move in such a fashion.

It was getting closer.

The group stiffened, more hissing and clicking.

“F*ck, Lieutenant, what are you doing. Get back here.”

“Just, give me a second. If you stop pointing your guns at them maybe they’d be less inclined to shoot us.”

Hard rock and dust plumed up from the asteroids surface covering his space suit in a fine layer of black-purple dust.

He was close now, he could see the individual patterns on the creature’s skin…. Suits, and the barrels of their weapons pointing down at his face. At least, that’s what he assumed they were. Was he being stupid….. Probably.

Was he about to get vaporized, likely?

They were growing more agitated.

“Well whatever you planned on doing, you better do it quick.”

“Like you have any better ideas.” He barked back at them, agitating the creatures even more, “How do you tell another species you don’t intend to hurt them?”

“I don’t F**king know, lay on your back or something. Show them your belly.”

“That’s a stupid ass idea.” Another called

“They’re going to shoot.”

Lieutenant Vir hissed in fear and anger, “F**k it.” Dropping to his side and rolling slowly onto his back. He felt like a dog who had just been caught eating the couch cushions. He closed his eyes tight, waiting for the plasma, gun, or other fire to rip him apart. When nothing happened he cracked open an eye.

His finger was on the trigger, he was slowly beginning to squeeze, but then the creature rolled onto its back flat on the ground. It was an exceptionally vulnerable position. From there it couldn’t reach its weapons, it couldn’t stand up quickly, and “Most likely” It’s vital organs were all there exposed for them to reach.

“Stop.” He ordered feeling the group around him back off.

“What is it?”

“I…. I think it’s surrendering.”

“How do you know that?’

“I don’t know, It just…. Seems most likely.”

He looked down to find the creature peering up at him…. If those were its eyes, than one was closed and the other opened, the black at the center of its eye was dilated wide. Then slowly, it lifted one of its odd, thin limbs and reached upwards hand outward, spidery digits extended. Looking into it’s eyes, he sensed…. No malice, but… curiosity.

In a leap of ether stupidity or faith, he reached out and touched the creature’s extended claws.

Their fingers came into contact slowly at first hesitant and twitching. Vir allowed the creature to grow used to him before moving slowly to his knees. Their hands were clasped lightly together now, almost like a handshake.

He looked up at the creature’s face, oddly beaklike, “We…. Come in peace?”

He stood increment by increment, very slowly before standing toe to toe with the creature. He was a good foot taller than they were on average, but he tried not to be intimidating as he examined the creature. He held out his hand again, and the creature obliged allowing him to examine it, the writs, and the odd stubby fingers.

For a predators, they were rather curious creatures. Once the first one had made his offering of peace, the rest of his pack had calmed themselves dropping their weapons, and slowly approaching on foot to mingle with the uneasy soldiers.

He wasn’t sure how he should feel with the way they examined him, almost as if they were sizing him up to eat, but so far, the green eyed one hadn’t showed any overt signs of aggression. He had simply wanted to examine him and members of his species, as if trying to figure out how they worked.

When the main landing ship had come to a stop, the creatures, had gone tense, all accept for that green eyed one who approached the ship with the same measure of curiosity, wandering up the boarding ramp to a chorus of hissing form his companions. He had greeted their commander with the same gesture as before holding out one of his limbs.

The commander was smart, and reliable, and quick to pick up on an atmosphere, so he took the extended hand in his own though his movements were halting.

The first thing they did was establish the correct enviornment for this creature. Turns out about 79% nitrogen 20% oxygen and at least .05% carbon was required. It was actually a very common compound atmosphere, and coaxing the creatures aboard their ship, they had increased the levels within liable range.

Once they did that, something amazing happened. The green eyed creature, engaged what must have been a release sequence on, what turned out to be a space suit. Some of the other species scampered away as if the creature was shedding its skin peeling it off bit by bit before pulling the helmet from its head taking a deep breath. It was still pretty large with a massive, long legs and a patch of fur a top it’s head. It had the forward facing eyes of a predator and sharp teeth inside a large mouth.

The other creatures hesitantly followed its lead, stripping off their space suits.

It was up to them now to establish the linguistic base that would hold for the universal translators in the future. However, getting the green eyed creature to pay attention long enough to start working turned out to be a challenge, and they were eventually forced to turn to the other creatures.

One in particular had long, dark fur tied up on top of its head. Unlike its counterpart, it was smaller and the lines that made up its body were distinctly more rounded.

It seemed to pay attention.

And that was the moment, the moment that humans joined the galactic community. They began as predators, dangerous but ever curious eager to teach and to learn from their strange new companions. Despite the fear they would eventually spread through the galactic community, the humans had maintained a surprisingly peaceful first contact.

And all because a young human learned to roll over and play dead.

#humans are space oddities #humans are weird #humans are space orcs #humans are space australians #earth is space australia #first contact

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letterboxd · 4 years

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Fantasia 2020.

We emerge from the depths of Fantasia Festival 2020—the largest genre fest in North America—with the ten best things we saw this year.

Fantasia Festival aced this weird shitstorm of a year with one of the best online film festival experiences of 2020 so far. Sure, we miss that unique, zombie-like, end-of-fest haze brought on by midnight madness and inappropriate mealtimes, but quarantine breeds an adjacent kind of mental fog that made Fantasia’s online offering a weirdly natural place to be this year.

Tuning into Montreal from London and Auckland, our Fantasia team (Kambole Campbell, Aaron Yap and Gemma Gracewood) watched as widely as possible, and we recommend most of what we saw—but these are the ten films that stuck out.

Chasing Dream Directed by Johnnie To, written by Wai Ka-Fai, Ryder Chan and Mak Tin-Shu

Hong Kong master of genre Johnnie To once again links up with screenwriter Wai Ka Fai, the writer of Drug War and Romancing in Thin Air. Their new feature Chasing Dream finds itself somewhere between those two, telling the story of an MMA fighter with gang ties named Tiger (Jacky Heung, winner of Fantasia’s Best Actor award) who falls in love with an aspiring singer named Cuckoo (Keru Wang).

To and Wai Ka Fai’s incredibly goofy sense of humor is still totally intact, as they make a complete farce out of the singing competition that Cuckoo enters, with her greatest competitor continually performing so hard that she accumulates injuries, until she ends up in a full-body cast. As Michelle writes: “It’s Rocky meets A Star is Born, with a dash of American Idol, a pinch of musical, and a huge dollop of romance.” This is all to say that Chasing Dream really is a hell of a lot of movie at once. (KC)

Labyrinth of Cinema Directed by Nobuhiko Ōbayashi, written by Kazuya Konaka, Nobu Obayashi and Tadashi Naitō

“It’s time to revisit our history to build a better future.” So begins Labyrinth of Cinema, the final film of Japanese experimental legend Nobuhiko Ōbayashi. Following a trilogy of films contemplating modern Japanese history and war (including the ravishing Hanagatami), Labyrinth is a metatextual and metaphysical trip through the history of Japanese cinema and its intersection with war.

A handful of young characters are quite literally absorbed into the screen of the cinema they’re sitting in at the film’s beginning, jumping through different eras and genres of film, tackling everything from war and propaganda, romance and musical, to chanbara and back again. Jake Cole notes the film’s surprising optimism, writing “even as Ōbayashi grows more sober, the film conveys more and more his strength of belief that cinema is still a force for good, and that if the past cannot be helped, perhaps movies can be rethought and re-crafted to produce a better future”. (KC)

Lapsis Written and directed by Noah Hutton

Noah Hutton (son of Timothy Hutton and Debra Winger) makes his narrative feature debut with a sci-fi-that’s-barely-sci-fi film, which dives into robotics, capitalism and unionization. Not a million miles away from the activist documentaries the director already has under his belt, Lapsis is a low-key, mordant film that captures gig-economy drudgery and the arcane fog of big tech. “Honestly really fucking cool,” writes David, of Hutton’s world-building on a shoestring. “An intelligent and peculiar concept expertly executed and thoroughly entertaining from beginning to end.” Dean Imperial’s surliness is a treat. (AY)

Bleed with Me Written and directed by Amelia Moses

Not one of Bleed with Me’s 79 minutes is wasted. If any of the following sound good to you—micro-thrillers, Robert Altman's Images, Rodney Ascher’s The Nightmare, mumblecore Bergman—add Amelia Moses’ debut feature to your watchlist now. It’s an assured start from Moses, who crafts an unsettling, tantalizingly ambiguous atmosphere from the three-hander, cabin-in-the-snow confines, with Scrabble, gaslighting, bloodletting and sleep paralysis thrown in.

“Lee Marshall anchors the film with a deeply moving performance as Rowan,” writes Finhorror. “With every facial expression, movement, and line reading, she sells vulnerability and discomfort while showing a minimal amount of effort.” Would pair well with Mickey Reece’s Climate of the Hunter (florid dinner conversations, immaculate food-porn and psycho-sexual tension) for an ace double feature. (AY)

PVT CHAT Written and directed by Ben Hozie

New York filmmaker Ben Hozie examines online relationships and modern sexual fantasies with PVT CHAT, starring Uncut Gems breakout star Julia Fox as Scarlet, a cam-girl dominatrix. The film splits its focus between Scarlet and Jack (played by Peter Vack), an internet gambler who mostly remains inside his NYC apartment as he becomes fixated on her. While there’s palpable discomfort in Jack’s increasing obsession with Scarlet, the film doesn’t mock the practitioner nor the customer, and it doesn’t moralize over either of their actions—it simply leaves them plain to witness, as though a normal element of contemporary digital living.

The genuineness of the relationship between Scarlet and Jack is ambiguous—the line between performance and sincere emotion distorted via pixels. As they continue to open up to each other the line blurs further, and PVT CHAT becomes a fascinating observation of how online communication has changed and commodified the ways in which we interact with each other. (KC)

Tezuka’s Barbara Directed by Makoto Tezuka, screenplay by Hisako Kurasawa

Speaking of obsessions, Japanese filmmaker Makoto Tezuka might have chosen his father’s strangest work to adapt into a live-action film. As it says in the title, Tezuka’s Barbara is an adaptation of ‘godfather of manga’ Osamu Tezuka’s Barbara, his most hallucinatory and sexually explicit work. Opening with a Nietzsche quote about madness and love, Tezuka’s Barbara more or less conflates the two, as the main character Yosuke, an author who specializes in lurid and trashy paperbacks, falls obsessively in love with Barbara, a homeless drifter he meets in the street.

Beautifully lensed by Christopher Doyle, legendary cinematographer of Chungking Express and In The Mood For Love, Tezuka’s Barbara takes on a magical and ethereal quality, particularly in its sex scenes. Yosuke’s increasingly deranged obsession with Barbara and the young Tezuka’s depiction of it is compellingly weird, from its vivid colors and almost antiquated costuming to its Eyes Wide Shut-esque rituals of the wealthy. Deranged, perhaps opaque, but a riveting visual journey, especially with its context in mind. (KC)

Special Actors Written and directed by Shinichiro Ueda

Special Actors is the new film from Shinichiro Ueda, who turned heads with his bonkers cult film One Cut of the Dead. It may appear a little less surprising to those already familiar with his tactics, but it’s no less entertaining for it. Special Actors starts one way, as the tale of an aspiring actor looking for work, and ends somewhere else entirely. Brought into a company named ‘Special Actors’ by his estranged younger brother, Kazuko embarks on a different kind of performer’s journey, not just restricted to film and commercials, but also playing implanted mourners at funerals, fake boyfriends—whatever the client desires.

This is an Ueda film, so of course it takes a huge swerve, transforming into a bizarre and entertaining caper as the Special Actors are hired to infiltrate a cult. Ueda is more than aware of the classic conflation of film with “fakery” (as Orson Welles would call it)—the structure of a caper and its layers of illusion, truth and everything in between aligning with the requirements of stagecraft—and he has more than a little fun with it. As a result, so do we. (KC)

Feels Good Man Directed by Arthur Jones / Available on demand now

The internet was a mistake. Even if you try to stay out of the digital trash-fires, you’ll likely have heard of the ‘Pepe the Frog’ meme. Turns out, we need to pay attention to these things, particularly with another US election looming. In Feels Good Man, Arthur Jones introduces us to Matt Furie, the humble cartoonist behind the original Pepe, and then takes several wild and weird side-roads, with the most unexpected-but-entertaining talking heads, as we learn just how 4Chan and the alt-right adopted, weaponized and took the frog all the way to the White House, earning official hate-symbol status. “I came in expecting a solid documentary about a meme, and I ended up getting that and a compelling narrative about today’s troubling world,” writes Zach. (GG)

Sheep Without a Shepherd Directed by Sam Quah, written by Yang Weiwei

Dare we say “Letterboxd meets Parasite”? Sheep Without a Shepherd, Sam Quah’s debut feature (based on Jeethu Joseph’s highly rated film Drishyam), is a cinephiliac feast about have-nots taking on upper-echelon corruption. Lead character Weijie (Xiao Yang) is a working-class, obsessive cinephile who vomits his movie knowledge any chance he can get. When his family is pulled into a case of police corruption, this same cinephilia may be the only thing that gets them out of it. It’s a sturdily wrought Hitchcockian homage, with a well-calibrated balance of suspense, humor and pathos.

“What a gut punch of a movie in the best way,” writes Amanda. “A little messy at times, especially in the end, and some questionable forensics, but this is something I’ll definitely be revisiting.” The jury is still out on whether the ending—make that the many endings—worked, but for the most part Letterboxd members enjoyed the cat-and-mouseness of it all, along with its moral questionability. (AY)

You Cannot Kill David Arquette Directed by David Darg and Price James / Available on demand now

You Cannot Kill David Arquette is a rousing, eye-opening and mostly upbeat gawk at the life of the Hollywood star whose fortunes have lately run dry. Although he is out of shape and has very young children (and very cute Basset hounds) to think of, Arquette is desperate to reignite his love of pro wrestling. In a quest to prove to his heroes that he’s serious about the sport, the actor participates in backyard wrestling matches in Virginia, joins street-fighters in Mexico, and goes down a K-hole at the hands of health professionals.

“Arquette is searching for a shred of legitimacy in a world that’s always made him feel like a fraud, and by the end of this loveable, hilarious, and ineffably heartfelt doc it’s almost impossible not to believe in him,” writes David Ehrlich. As compelling a look at mental health as physical, the film benefits from the inclusion of conversations with those closest to Arquette (both of his wives feature), and there’s a heart-skipping scene involving the late Luke Perry. (GG)

Lastly, our team wanted to shout out to Daria Woszek’s Marygoround for the best end credits dedication of the year. Thanks, Fantasia! Roll on 2021.

#fantasia #fantasia festival #midnight madness #fantasia fest #film festival #genre festival #montreal #letterboxd

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