#that experience alone might make it my fav song off this new album

[seventh-district]

*wakes up at 5pm*

IT’S FRIDAY BABEY

*immediately opens youtube to go listen to the official version of Unknown by Hozier*

[loseyoutoloveme]

will you do a song by song review for life support? i really liked the ones for sweetener and thank you next!

oh absolutely, i’d love to! thank you for asking and being interested 🖤 all thoughts below.

the beginning:

this was such a great way to open this album, it’s so cinematic and really sets the mood so perfectly. one of my fav instrumental intros i’ve ever heard.

9/10

good in goodbye: “you put the over in lover, put the ex in next.”

the lyrics are so wonderfully corny and i’ll love this song forever, like the chorus is literally just so fun to sing along to.

i do think it feels a little... shallow compared to the rest of the album, and the album being released so long after this song came out makes it feel disconnected from the rest. but i love it so i don’t care.

7.5/10 

default: “i know, i know this must be coming for me, i swear, i swear i will be the end of me, the end of me.”

this song is just sooo...... OUCH!

i’m obsessed with the way the chorus just SOUNDS like an emotional spiral, like her life falling apart, like falling into a deep depression, and then the outro builds like destructive racing thoughts.

also i never noticed the wave crashing and the bubbles at the very beginning until really recently, and i love that little touch. the whole song feels so underwater. cloudy and fuzzy. it does a good job of depicting certain symptoms of various mental illnesses.

8.5/10

follow the white rabbit: “is it haunting, baby, that i’m wanting, baby, that i’m wanting, wanting you?”

i actually was fully not expecting to like this that much based off the snippets she’d shared, but omg this left me WEAAAAK on first listen, which was the best surprise

there are definitely so many layers to these lyrics too, despite it being just a bombastic sexy toxic love song on its surface, particularly when thinking about the album as a commentary on mental illness, and some of the breakup/love songs as metaphors rather than straightforward love songs. definitely about infatuation and toxicity and perhaps knowingly entering a bad relationship as a bad coping mechanism, a way to avoid dealing with your pain or (as we see in effortlessly) a way to just feel anything at all.

9/10

effortlessly: “i hold my breath to breathe, hurt me so i feel, used to do these things so effortlessly somehow.”

oh god this song is just a punch in the stomach

i ALSO didn’t really expect to love this one based on snippets but the lyrics are just devastating and perfect and i hope speak to anybody who has struggled with self-harm and medication.

i don’t even have thoughts on this song, it just makes me go jsn*@(#nkdasdnkasd7*@U#j2k3n

love that this is such a fan favourite. it deserves!

10/10

stay numb and carry on: “truth is it was never love, your fault if you thought it was.”

the reverse “i’ve become emotionless” at the beginning >>>

also love the “i was gin and you were toxic . . . wish we’d just stayed plaTONIC” like a platonic relationship would be the opposite of toxic. it’s such fun wordplay.

also “i don’t feel like anyone” makes me emo, she really just slid the most simple but heartbreaking lines in everywhere and you don’t notice them until they hit you out of nowhere one day and you’re like ...OH

AND THE WAY HER VOICE STARTS TO GO MONOTONE AT “i’ve become emotionless” 

in conclusion, madison beer is a vessel for god

10/10

blue: “you could be as sweet as honey but i knew the darkness in your mind.”

this is my least favourite on the album but it’s still fantastic

the lana influence is clear without being too copycat, like it’s still SO madison. sorta like lana’s video games modernized and adapted into something truer to madison’s vibe.

love love love the whole outro

glad that this wasn’t a single like it was planned to be

7/10

interlude: “would you do that shit for me too?”

VOCODER RIGHTS

this album in general is just not really for people who don’t like vocoders and lots of technical effects. i looove that she leaned into it so hard bc it’s so HER.

this song also has so much depth for an interlude, relaying the experience of feeling SO hard about people, and realizing like you’re putting in way more than you’re getting back.

the post-chorus is like... 🤩🌌💫☄️🌠

7.5/10

homesick: “these humans speak my language, still don’t understand it.”

THIS SONG...... IS MY BABY......

oh god it just breaks my heart on every listen. the image in my head is of a little girl talking to the stars.

and why does the line about her mom and dad make me wanna cry every time? i have no idea.

I BELONG IN SPACE...... FLOATING WITH DEBRIS.......

i’m sure she’s not the first person to ever use this metaphor for mental illness, expressing the alienation of mental illness (especially one as stigmatized and misunderstood as bpd) by talking about LITERAL aliens sdkjfsdfksd, but she does it SOOOOO well and sincerely that it feels like it’s uniquely hers.

the rick & morty sample is so funny and so weird and so madison. i will probably never watch an episode of that show in my life.

10000000000/10 this song is the loml

selfish: “shouldn’t love you but i couldn’t help it, had a feeling that you never felt it.”

my absolute favourite of all of the singles, noooo question about it. it’s a perfect, perfect, perfect song.

two years, alone on new years’, nightclubs, gemini... women writing lyrics with very specific details about the shitty men that the song is about... it’s everything to me.

this song will just NEVER age. every time i listen to it, it’s like the first time all over again.

10/10

sour times: “don’t know what song of mine you heard that made you think i’d want to spend the night with you.”

home with you’s big sister<3 

not the strongest lyrics, but the concept and production are more than strong enough to carry the song.

she came on this bitch mad as hell

also love that this have been another fan favourite, seemingly??

men gross

9/10

boyshit: “don’t know how to talk or communicate, we’re so on and off, to you it’s a game.”

it took me awhile to get into this when it was a single ngl, probably because it came out the same night as evermore sjdknfsfnkjsd, but once i got into it, it became the best song ever

she’s soooo reliable with her “men ain’t shit” songs ugh

8.5/10

baby: “i’m a handful but that’s what hands are for.”

when this came out as a single it was the only thing i listened to for a solid week and a half. just an excellent song. the chorus is evvverrryttthhhiiinnnnggg.

WHAT IS IT SO CATCHY FOR?

9.5/10

stained glass: “my life’s a still fading memory of what i can’t have, and everything ’round me is starting to fade into black, but black and white is so much better, i’m learning how to hide my colours.”

i’m so surprised by how much non-stans seem to love this omg, it’s never been a fav of mine, as much as i still love it

but i’m obsessed with how different and distinctly madison it is

also this is a much more genuine take on the “pls stop being mean to me just bc i’m famous / you don’t know what people are going through” type of song than most of the others i’ve ever heard. her pain is evident, and the soft “i just might break” is just..... </3

the glass breaking and little scream are so good

she loves a good metaphor and so do i!

7.5/10 

emotional bruises: “how do i word this? was about to write you this letter, but it was just curses in cursive, you probably deserve it.”

this was definitely my most anticipated song along with everything happens for a reason, like i listened to the snippet on repeat CONSTANTLY lmao. and the full song definitely lived up.

the scribbling sound is so fun, i love her obsession with little real-life sound effects

10/10

everything happens for a reason: “i still can’t find a reason you’d wanna hurt me so bad.”

THIS SONG IS VERY MUCH EVERYTHING

again, this was for sure one of my most anticipated songs and just kjsadsdkajsm god i love love love it

i think she posted a video one time of the song over a clip of the mermaids from peter pan and it was so pretty and i still picture that video when i hear this song. it’s just soooooo hazy and dreamy and retro and perfect.

also the song on the album where she got to show off her vocals the most. she found her niche with this song, truly.

100/10

channel surfing/the end: “YOU’REBADFORMYHEALTHISHOULDPROLLYKEPTSOMEHELPICANTCONTROLMYSELFIMADDICTEDOTHEHELL”

oh my god i was FLOOOOOORED at the dear society clip. dear society was and is one of my FAVOURITE songs, and i appreciate her reasoning for not including it on the album (just wanting some space for a new song instead of one we’d already had for so long), but it did hurt a lil. i was so happy she found a little way to include it :’) rip to hurts like hell tho since she didn’t get the same treatment sjdnksd.

the channel surfing is also just such a fun concept for an outro.

and her laughing with her producers at the end followed by such a sweet calming tropical instrumental...... oooo it’s so nice, it feels like the calm after the storm.

10/10

overall, this album was just SO worth the wait, it’s so fantastic, it’s the loml, one of my favourite albums ever. i LOVE that it’s helped anyone with BPD feel seen and understood, and as someone who doesn’t have bpd but has a couple of loved ones who do, the emotions she expressed in these lyrics have helped me to understand this disorder more too. just such a special album.

most of the criticism i’ve seen of the album has been that it’s overproduced, and that’s definitely criticism that i understand, bc it IS heavy on the technical side and some people just don’t like very heavy production, buuuut... some people do! i do! madison does! and heavy production does not automatically make an album bad. this type of production isn’t something that i expect her to move away from, because it’s clearly her thing, and maybe that just means her place in the industry will be more with the heavy heavy pop fans and maybe even in more hyperpop circles. i also think it’s SUPPOSED to be overproduced; it’s supposed to be a mess of emotions and sometimes a little chaotic. she executed it very well.

i hope by the time her next album is out, people will stop comparing her to like every single artist out there. some reviewers seem determined to pigeonhole her and compare her to every female artist under the sun, which feels like an absolute disservice to me. she is influenced by many different people and they comes out in her music, as it does any artist’s because everybody has their inspirations, but her sound is VERY much her own. as someone who has liked her for years, i can absolutely feel her essence in each song and nobody else’s.

a 10/10 album and such an amazing, promising debut<3  

[palbabor-writes]

Shota’s Cool Times Summer Jamz Mix

But for real, this is a Class 1-A Character Analysis, but with their music choices! 

So it’s editing day, and @albinoburrito​ and I got a little off track. It started with, what do you think Bakugo would listen to? And then it just spiraled out of control. 

So, here it is. Shota’s Cool Times Summer Jamz Mix

Izuku: Indie music, general pop, his dad’s old classic rock albums - was especially excited when he found out that All Might also listens to classic rock and uses it for his workouts. He prolly made like 20 new playlists after that and always tries to play them on the down low when All Might is training with him. He fucking loves it when All Might is like, “oh! I love this song”. Or, asks for him to turn the volume up. Has done some low fi for studies, but that’s really the only time he does it. He likes Young the Giant, MGMT, Alt-J, Strfkr and bands like The Rolling Stones and Van Morrison fill out most of his workout playlists.

Bakugo: Honestly, he doesn’t have any hard and fast preferences. If he likes things he SoundHounds them and moves on. He can cultivate playlists, but it’s not like he’s Kaminari level, having playlists for any and all activities. I do feel like he would lean more toward rap & hip hop titles. As well alt and alt rock. No fucking scream-o, or Eminem, please and thank you. Artists like: Childish Gambino, Travis Scott, Drake, blackbear, Missio, NCT 127, and Jaden’s Icon. However, he does have one low key, wind down playlist with sad, sappy songs that he had to immediately lock when the others found his Spotify. Shit like Band of Horses, Lord Huron, and Ocean Eyes by Billie Eilish.

Sero: Indie and indie bops: i.e. Loud Pipes by Ratatat. Some rap & hip hop. Maybe upbeat alternative jams. He strikes me as a Gorillaz fan. He’s good at making playlists, he’s better at the low key ones. Things that you can comfortably listen to and don’t mind them. He doesn’t overthink this. If you hand him the aux you’re never upset. You’ll get bands like: Two Door Cinema Club, Passion Pit, St. Lucia, COIN and Coast Modern.

Kaminari: The KING of cultivated playlists. Like, has one for every occasion. Need something for a party that your parents will also attend? Cross generational? He’s got you. Pump up jams for specific people? He made them like a week ago and has choices. Makes playlists for certain people, but won’t give them out unless you actually want them, or ask him. Yes, he made one for Shinso after that training battle. No, he hasn’t worked up the courage to show him yet. Personal preference: he’s into all the latest pop & he keeps up with artists and tends. For upbeat playlists he goes for: Lady Gaga, Bruno Mars, Rihanna, Maroon 5 and Major Lazer. For low key playlists his go to are: NIKI, Khalid, KALEO, Transviolet, Noah Cyrus, and Bea Miller. His favorite artists waffle. They change rapidly. He loves them one week, but next week he’s got a new fav. He also likes the Jpop scene.

Mina: Hip Hop QUEEN. If it’s got a good beat she is all over it. MUST be a banger. She has mood banger playlists. Like, Kamanari, she’s got some good playlist cultivation skills. She’s also who you want to go to for road trip & sing along playlists. My girl loves a good upbeat “friendship,” playlist. She has a soft spot for some indie bands, i.e, MisterWives, Lorde & Billie Eilish. For her everyday listening needs she is all about: Run the Jewels, Lil Nas X, Quinn XCII, Logic, Calvin Harris, Nicki Minaj and Bhad Bhabie.

Jiro: She listens to all most everything. Massive, massive music pallet. Her family was always big on diversifying her musical tastes. Never let yourself be limited or judgmental because it’s not what you usually listen to. That said, she super big into rock and alt rock. She really like to follow bands. Like Paramour, Panic at the Disco. Bands that have shifted and changed over time. She admires that skill. Jiro cultivates playlists that are super specific and poetic. You know, those concept playlists that are like: enchanting, serene. You are laying in an abandoned castle and you’ve never felt this content and at peace. You are one with the universe, never in your life... Like that shit that’s like a paragraph long and you don’t even understand why, like, why is it so long? And so, specific? She’s got that shit locked down on Spotify. Mina found hers once, ONCE, and she tightened that security seconds later. She loves to listen to: Fleetwood Mac, The Zombies, Joni Mitchell, Terror Jr, Woodkid, Foo Fighters and David Bowie. Literally, she likes everything. Equal opportunity music listener. If it feels good it’s going in a playlist and that playlist is turning into a poem.

Tokoyami: 100% listens to GOTH rock - POST PUNK jams. Don’t @ him. It’s just his vibe k? Siouxsie and the Banshees shit, The Cured, The Smiths, and some good ole’ Evanescence. The darker the better, Revelry in Dark y’all. He’s a sucker for rock opera, that epic extra shit, but it’s also low key embarrassing. He wants no one to know of this. Like if you find it, go away and leaf him alone. Also, never speak of this again. He’s redacted, he’s not even on this list. You didn’t see this.

Iida: Oh my king, he likes some of that Bastille, Coldplay, Imagine Dragons, One Republic in his playlists. Low key, alt rock. Good ole’ safe, alt rock. But, he does like some pop songs. Not that he will talk to you about that. When he’s with his folks he likes to masquerade as a classic rock buff. But he’s bluffing pretty hard. He’s working on that with Izuku. He’ll get there you guys. He knows his brother loves it so he’s trying his BEST. For his pump up work outs he does go for that DAFT PUNK techno.

Aoyama: Oh. My. God. He loves flashy bands. Fucking Glam rock all the way. He’s also super, super up to date on the French hip hop and pop scene. Into people like Yelle, Phoenix, Soprano, Ayama Kamura, Stromae. Loves ELO just for the sheer operatic value. ABBA all the way baby. Anything exciting and anything that makes him feel invigorated. His playlists are a little scattered. He really just tosses whatever he’s vibing on in them.

Kirishima: You already know, why are you even looking here? He’s got the manliest playlists. When he was younger it was like, all alt rock, edgy stuff. Once he got to UA he cleansed that pallet. Not that he don’t go back to those playlists sometimes, but he’s also wanting to move on from those feelings. Now? He’s all about that positive rock babyyy. Anything that has a good, upbeat feeling he’s down for. He’s really looking for those VIBES. Things that get him pumped up and ready to go. Bands like: The Bleachers, The Mowgli’s, Banners, Jukebox The Ghost. Just real positive stuff, man. He also dips into classic rock for his workouts. If he feels like that rap song works with his workout jams it’s going in and he’s cranking it up. He totally found Bakugo’s sadboi playlist and immediately told him, hey, man, I have one of those too, emotions amiright? This is why Bakugo private locked his entire account HARD. Look what you did, Kirishima, you can’t see ANY of it now.

Uraraka: My girl likes pop. That bubble gum shit. But, she’s also has a superrrr hardcore rap playlist for her workouts, like, it’s kinda confusing. Mina found that playlist first and was like ????? I-Is this you? Like this playlist has DMX, Jedi Mind Tricks, Kanye, LL Cool Jay, A$ap Rocky, like, some tunes that get her GOING. But, she loves that cute Jpop and Kpop. She’s got tons of road jam playlists. Those you can put on and everyone is like, ooooooh, this song!!! She’s also has like 3 Disney playlists, for different moods. She also loves Girl in Red, Louis the Child, Hailee Steinfeld, and Mitski.

Todoroki: He...doesn’t have much experience with music cultivation. Like, he knows some songs, he didn’t live under a rock, but he also kinda did...so, that stunted him, in more ways than one. Thanks Endeavor. But, thanks to his classmates, he is starting to get the hang of this. He over thinks this stuff. Like, this music must speak to him. From Iida he likes Bastille, from Uraraka he likes King Princess, From Izuku he’s learned to love Grizzly Bear, and he really, really likes the playlist that Kaminari made for him. He’s leaning heavily on it to find some more tunes for his own small collection. He also learned that he loves anything that is hard rap as well. Especially if he can play it in front of Endeavor. You know, the ones are like, you didn’t fucking pay your child support, you ass. That aggressive, angry rap: Kendrick Lamar, Wiz Khalifa, J. Cole, 21 Savage and Montana of 300. It’s to make his father as uncomfortable as he possibly can be.

Tsuyu: Fucking rainforest and ambient noises. Not really, but also actually. She likes calming sounds, ok? Everyone was like, this is a joke, don’t be ridiculous and then she showed them her playlist of rain sounds. I mean, you go girl. But really, her collection is mostly pop songs, she likes them easy going. Much like her fighting and hero style, she is the glue that holds things together with the class in terms of music selection. Kinda of the bridging gap. Music that you just can’t complain about. Besides, why would you? What’s wrong with you? It’s Froppy. She and Uraraka often find themselves overlapping on their upbeat indie pop playlists, stuff like: Sara Bareilles, Oh Wonder, Kygo, Kero Kero Bonito, Taylor Swift, MARINA, and Regina Spektor. She did find Uraraka’s rap playlist and didn’t....approve. Did not want to use it for their joint workout. No, thank you.

Ojiro: Oh, you don’t get enough screen time son. You really don’t. He’s very low key. Into some indie stuff, like: Lumineers, Local Natives, Morningsiders, Manchester Orchestra, Vampire Weekend. He likes acoustic sounds, really down to earth. Once again, you cannot complain whenever he gets to select the music. Izuku especially approves when he plays his music because he always finds something new. For his workouts he prefers some heavy, heavy rock. You know, when you get to wail the shit out of stuff with your tail. He’s playing that Five Finger Death Punch in his MIND.

Koda: Nature sounds. Honestly. Full. Stop. Dead-ass he is living for artists like Corrine Bailey Rae, Hozier, Alesia Cara, Adele, and Maggie Rogers. He’s also got that Kacey Musgraves and Florence + The Machine on LOCK. Anything that feels ethereal and light is right up his alley. He likes it a little spooky sometimes. He does have a killer Halloween playlist, but he hasn’t ever quite worked up the courage to play it for his classmates. Oh. Also, listens to Enya un-ironically. He also might have a repeat problem with Imogen Heap’s Hide and Seek.  

Sato: He’s into new bands that I don’t even fucking listen to. He loves him some alt rock too. But, he’s not above that classic rock. He just likes stuff that he can head bang to. Not a metal head, but low key IS a metal head. Stuff like: Arctic Monkeys, Bring Me The Horizon, Highly Suspect, Royal Blood, The Smashing Pumpkins. He also has a wonderful baking playlist. Like 1950’s crooners. Think Dorris Day, The Ink Spots, Billie Holiday, Nat King Cole, and Frankie Valli.

Momo: Classical. Moving on. But really, she loves a good brain playlist with musicians, cuz they aren’t artists to her, they have a specific name for the work that they do: Bach, Debussy, Beethoven, Strauss, and some Tchaikovsky...some of his stuff is too much, even for her. She is starting to broaden her tastes. She really loves Sato’s baking playlist, those 50’s and 60’s beats are right up her alley. Jiro is slowly getting her to try out some pop and low key alt rock bands too. She’s growing and learning, y’all.

Toru: POP. That Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera MOUSE CLUB STUFF. She likes sing-alongs. Like has 20 Disney playlists and is always, always down to do a Grease playlist. You honestly feel attacked by how upbeat and peppy her playlists are, ATTACKED BY A GOOD TIME. It’s teen bop pop all the way here folks, no need to dig too deeply into it. She likes: Lizzo, Beyoncé, T. Swift, but like, leans into her hard, she is a swifter head, or whatever it’s called...Arizona, Carly Rae Jepson, Ariana Grande, Selena Gomez, Harry Styles, Katy Perry, and Kesha among the millions of others.

Shoji: This guy. He loves him some alt rock. He, like Ojiro, needs more screen time. He likely listens to lofi playlists fully. Like, not in the way Izuku just listens to them when he’s studying, but like, for fun. Like he actually GETS them, you know? He likes bands like: Cage the Elephant, Beck, Broken Bells, Modest Mouse, The Killers, Neon Trees and Grouplove. For real tho, he needs more screen time.

Aaaaaaaand Mineta: He needs less screen time. Thank you your honor, I rest my case. Um, but like, he’s down for that dirty rap. Like, the slimier the better. If it’s ass, money, pussy, he’s on it. Big Sean is his hero. He thinks the Weekend is the best singer known to man. If this upsets you, I am sorry. I love him too, but sometimes we gotta face the truth. Mineta loves, loves, loves the Weekend. He’s also super down on the Megan Thee Stallion train. Oh, and Cardi B too. He also likes Tyga and Sage the Gemini. These are his top pics. His current ringtone is WAP and Aizawa nearly snapped his phone in half when he heard that go off in his classroom.

Bonus: 

- Aizawa: Yes, he has heard WAP. He’s literally attached at the hip to a dj and you know Midnight and Present Mic were all over that song when it was released. Those two tried to do that tiktok choral rendition of it. It didn’t go well. But seriously, this man likes a little bit of everything. He’s a no-fuss, low key guy and his music tastes are the same. He likes alternative and indie the most. Some of that: Sylvan Esso, Silversun Pickups, The Black Keys, The Flaming Lips, The Strokes, Cake, Incubus, and the Deftones. While he has no time to cultivate playlists, he does have a grading playlist that he quickly threw together. It helps him to zone in and work. Yes, Present Mic likes to add funky shit to it, just to ruffle his feathers. In the worst universe, slash in THIS universe, Aizawa was too lazy to get his own Spotify and he shares one with Present Mic. That poor algorithm has no idea what to recommend. He’s just waiting for that cease and desist letter from Spotify’s fraud department. Any day now.

Alright! Hope ya’ll liked it. Lemme know if you want more. We kinda started on one for the LOV, but it’s not finished just yet. In other news, we WILL edit the new chapter of “Look Upon the Light” tonight, don’t worry, we’ll be good. It should be out in the next few days. 

[swellwriting]

LOVER    3/18

-Lover-

Bucky x Reader/ The Winter Soldier x Reader

A/N: This was so soft it almost killed me to write...the next chapter will be...not as soft. This song is by far my favourite off of the album (let me know what your fav song is plz) ALSO I should mention you do not need to be familiar with the song/ Album to read this!!!

Word Count: 3.2k      Part 2      Series Masterlist        Part 4

Warning: This chapter contains smut, though it is clearly marked where it stops and starts and is very easy to skip in case reading smut isn’t your thing! Look for the markers (~~~~~~~~~)!

You wake up confused, the feeling familiar by now, you lay in bed and stare up at the fluorescent lights, the same as the past few days. The pain is unbearable as if they are holding back on the pain meds, not only do they not trust you, they think you are here to do something wrong to Bucky, their Bucky. Now you start to think they want to hurt you, it’s like torture but not so obvious. Bruce comes every now and then and checks on your stitches, you should have healed by now, if it wasn’t for their stupid poison. The nurse barely comes near your room when you are awake, Bruce is the only one who checks on you, aside from Wanda and Nat, they are nice and you don't mind their company, but you wished you could leave, or that Winter would visit instead.

He is gentle though, Bruce, he has a kind heart, perhaps sympathetic and understanding towards being created and turned into a monster you can't control. You ask him for more painkillers, he tells you they only have regular ones, the higher strength ones are off sight, on backorder or whatever excuse he gets told by Tony to tell you this time.

A tear escapes your eyes and you bite down hard on your tongue trying to stop yourself from crying. You had been so far away from Winter for so long and now he was in the same building as you and he didn’t want you, trust you, love you. So the pain becomes overbearing, which says a lot about the strength of the poison versus your super-soldier serum.

You’re lying flat on the bed when someone knocks on the door, which you think is a bit silly since most people usually walk right in. Wanda waits a minute and then creaks the door open peaking in.

“Hey,” she says quietly and you sit up in the bed, fixing your pillows.

“Hi,” you reply, not trying to sound so bitter, just tired.

“So... as I mentioned the other day, my abilities. I want to use them to help you. It will be a very different method than how we helped Bucky but I think we can really dig deep into your memories, piece them together. And once Bucky warms up to the idea, we can do the same to him.” She explains calmly as she sits in a chair that she’s pulled up beside your bed. She doesn't make you get up, or move, she can tell you are in pain. She isn’t sure why Tony has them holding back your meds, maybe it’s a test. 

“Okay, so how does this work?” You ask and she continues.

“I'm going to ask you to dig deep in your mind, we are going to start with a happy memory, preferably one about Bucky, something significant, whatever comes to mind. I am going to tune into your mind with my powers. It’s best to keep your eyes closed and stay focused. Don't focus on hiding things from me, or shying away from any memories for any reason.” She says sternly and you panic at the thought of her seeing everything you and Bucky did together...everything.

“The only downside is anyone who is nearby might also get the memories projected into their minds as well because I’m not great at controlling this power yet, so if you are willing to do this we can, but if you don't want to we don't have to.” She grabs your hand, she’s patient, she has these kind sad eyes and you wonder what causes that sadness.

“My memories have never really been just my own, and I’m past the point of caring. If you think this will help then I’m all in.” You almost say that you have nothing to hide, but then you realize you very much do. You have many memories of Winter, the thought of looking back on those specifically, having to share those with someone beside you and Winter hurts, it breaks your heart almost. Those memories, of you falling in love, the soft intimacy that was your life with him, behind the rough and tough scenes of your Hydra life. 

You would rather those stay between you and Winter, but since Winter isn’t ...here right now… you have to accept letting someone else in, sharing them, a piece of your heart with a new friend isn’t so bad really. You just hope no one lingers in the hallways...spying on your mind. The thought sends a shiver down your spine.

“So once I have an understanding of your memories, the timeline, then I can go through Bucky’s mind and piece things together sort of if that makes sense. I’ll explain more if we can even get that far. Think of this as therapy sort of too, I can help you heal from your past traumas.”

“Sounds good enough to me, assuming he will cooperate.”

“He will eventually, he just needs time I think,” Wanda assures you and grabs your hand again.

You know that there is a two-way mirror in your room, they told you about it and the security cameras. You don't really care, you’re used to it, Hydra had the same set up on you, just a window instead of a mirror, at least now you can pretend no one is there.

On the other side of the mirror, Nat stands patiently, eager to learn more. Sam and Steve said they would stop by but didn’t care enough to stand there for the entire ...process? Bruce and most of the others stayed away, not wanting to get into your personal business. Nat was to report anything important to Tony because he obviously had better things to do.

Bucky was told he should come, that watching would maybe help him remember but he had said he wasn’t going to.

You close your eyes tight and try to think of a happy memory, you try to distract yourself and hope it works. Your mind plays over your dream from last night, going over the events so Wanda can see them and then it continues on, you quickly get lost in it.

-

After you admitted your love for him it took a long time for him to warm up to the thought, the idea of you and him. 

The idea always seemed so far away, unrealistic, but it’s when you’re on a mission together in Paris, held up in a hotel room that his mindset changes drastically.

The mission is simple, and you’re unsure why they sent both you and Winter together, you had been told of this mission months ago. You were supposed to handle it alone, and a few others prior to this but every mission you went on Winter had been at your side. Perhaps the first mission going so wrong was the reason they hadn’t grown to trust you on your own.

There’s a highbrow event going on in the building across the street, you’re waiting for the target to arrive but the party has been postponed by four hours for “security reasons” which makes you laugh inside. Unless they can bulletproof the air between the limos and the door, their security is almost useless. The time change doesn't really matter either, whether it’s light or dark outside Winter is a perfect shot with a sniper. This just means you have some spare time alone, completely alone with him.

You’re sitting side by side on the 20th-floor balcony, with your backs pressed against the ledge, his fingers interlocked in yours, resting on your thigh. He holds your hand a lot now, ever since he first did when he brought you to that room with the windows. It’s simple but comforting. He has this nervous flicker in his eyes every time he holds your hands, his eyes travel from your hands intertwined, to your eyes to process your reaction and then he quickly looks away.

“I always wanted to go to Paris.” You admit after feeling the thought, the want come from deep within your subconscious.

“Really? Does it live up to its expectations.”

“Not really, this hotel room doesn't do it justice, I want to see everything, experience everything. But I guess just being here, and being here with you is good enough.” You say, you found he quite likes when you say nice things to him, about him, he likes compliments, lives for praise, what good soldier doesn't?

“Maybe we can live here one day,” he suggests and it’s so out of character for him, but he’s love drunk, he is hopeful for a future with you and it slips out before he can take it back and you’re off and running with it.

“That’d be nice, we could have a little place of our own, we could decorate it for Christmas time like that safehouse you mentioned in Washington, we could leave the Christmas lights up till January, it’d be our own house we could make the rules!” He nods, a wide smile on his face in agreement, you both sit in silence imagining the better life you both deserve.

There is a raw honesty that you bring out in him, his usual cold exterior melts around you and he can’t help himself but gush his feelings, they overwhelm him and he has to share.

“I feel like I’ve known you forever, we just fit so well. I feel like my whole life, the parts I remember and the ones I don't, have led to me meeting you.”

The confession makes your heart skip a beat. You move to sit on his lap as you lean your chest against his.

“We are a good team. I always wanna do missions with you, I wanna go where you go, I don’t wanna be apart from you for even a second,” you say quietly to him, your face so close to his he can feel your breath on his lips, your noses almost touching. He wants to kiss you, do so many other things but he also feels it might be too soon.

As he looks over your lips he thinks for a moment, this can wait until another time, a better time when he isn’t counting the minutes on the clock until he has to kill someone. But he doesn't know when a better time will be when they can be alone again like this, no hiding or sneaking around.

You are thinking about similar things. You want him, you need him now and you don't know when you’ll get another chance so you kiss his lips softly which seems to snap him from his thoughts. He quickly kisses back, his surprise fades quickly as he now focuses on the task at hand. His tongue slides into your mouth so expertly, his hand’s cup your cheeks and yours runs through his hair messing it up.

He is torn between never wanting to move and also wanting to pick you up and carry you to the bed that has loose bullets sitting on the soft satin covers. Since you’re on his laps it’s oh so easy for him to ultimately decide to lift you up, his hands grab your thighs as he stands on wobbly legs, nerves itching at his skin. He kneels against the edge of the bed, still holding you up as he uses his free hand to clear the bed and then gently place you down.

You say sweet things to him as you undress him, he hovers above you and smiles against your skin before he kisses it. You crane your neck to kiss up and along his jaw while you peel your own tight tac gear off as well, throwing your knife from your hip into the wall and sliding your gun across the floor. Your belt clicks as you take it off and he imagines being here with you on vacation instead, flowy dresses and champagne and flowers in your hair, no weapons or skin-tight tactical outfits.

~~~~~~~~~

He likes the thought of it and he’s mesmerized by his own ideas until he is stunningly brought back to reality. You have flipped positions, you on top of him straddling his calves, with your mouth on his cock. Your back is arched unbelievably and you look up at him with wicked eyes. HE grips the satin sheets in his hands almost ripping them as he tried to regain some composure, some control.

It’s rough and passionate until Winter flips you onto your back and kisses every inch of your skin he can reach, it’s a complete 180 in the mood. It’s loving and slow and sensual as butterflies fill your stomach. But at the same time a fight for power, two strong soldiers wanting to call the shots.

He climbs on top of you, spreading your legs with his knee and then sliding inside gently, he pushes in slowly, rhythmically like he has all the time in the world.

“Can we always be this close.” You whisper in his ear and he grunts a bit before answering back.

“Forever.”

You let out a high pitched moan, his featherlight touches setting your skin ablaze as he hits every spot deep within you. His kisses are soft on your lips and cheeks while his thrusts are deep and slow.

You thought he’d be more rash, more violent and rough with you given the nature of him, but you’re happily surprised to find him sweet and caring, a tentative lover that wants nothing more than to please you right now. Make you feel good.

“Win-Winter,” you stutter like a question but you have nothing to ask him. He replies by bringing his lips to yours, forceful but not rough in his motions, tounges melding together, mouth moving with each thrust as he kisses across your face like he can’t get enough of you.

It isn’t long before he feels himself nearing his end, he wraps his hands around you and under your back pulling you as tight against him as he can while still thrusting desperately into you. He comes with a grunt, his mouth pressed against the skin behind your ear, he continues to thrust into you, you feel the coil in your stomach tighten as you follow him into bliss, a comforting numbness washes over you and you try to revel the ethereal feeling of being held so tightly, slick skin on skin.

~~~~~~~~~

You lie like that for a while, his weight sort of crushing down on you but you don't complain, you completely forget about the target who could be arriving at the Gala downstairs at any moment. It’s somehow unimportant right now. Bucky for once is not concerned either, his brain isn’t short-circuiting at the thought of not following orders, a failed mission is worth staying here in your arms forever. You trace patterns lightly on his skin, trace the lines of his metal arm that feel cool on your fingertips. Somehow you both end up on your sides, still holding each other just as close.

“Promise me something?” You whisper, your lips brushing against his bare shoulder as you speak.

“Yeah?” He asks.

“You’re mine right, over everything else I have you?” You ask and you’re scared to ask such a defenceless question.

“Of course,” he quickly agrees, like it’s a small feat to admit that he puts you above Hydra, above everything he’s trained and been brainwashed to do. He’s not sure how he does it either. How you turn the cold soldier’s icy heart warm, how you make him defy his coding. And he feels just as bare. He wants more than anything to be completely candid with you. “If we could get married I’d marry you right now,” he says with full confidence.

“Really?” You ask and he feels your smile against his shoulder.

“Of course,” he repeats.

And with that, you leave his hold and kneel up on the bed, turning to face him. “I Spring, take thee, Winter, to be my, to be mine…” you trail off looking for a good word.

“Your Boyfriend, husband?” he asks, a shy smile on his face that makes him look like a handsome normal young man, if not for the moonlight glistening off his metal arm.

“No those are wrong, too formal and they sound like they don't fit. I like, I like something like. Lover.” She says it as if she’s still thinking but that one fits so well, she falls back down onto him, landing on his chest and then squirming up on the bed until her lips ar at the back of his ear, she kisses, sucking the skin and biting playfully before practically purring in his ear.

“Loverrr.”

-

Suddenly you snap out of your mind and are thrown back to the present with a pounding headache, tears brim your eyes and you gasp sitting forward. Wanda stands and takes your hands leaning closer to you. She appears lost for words.

“Spring I, that was... if I had any doubts before they would be completely gone. I can feel your heartbreak, your sadness. I can tell from what I saw that you really loved him.”

“Was that helpful?” You almost whisper.

“It’s a good start,” she says as she rubs her hands on your back, looking at the ceiling, trying to settle her own mind and emotions.

She continues to talk about other things, to distract you and calm your mind.

On the other side of the two-way mirror, Nat is sat with her hand covering her open mouth, clearly a bit shocked at the experience.

“That was…” She says and trails off shaking her head, to rid her mind of what she just saw.

“A lot,” Sam finishes for her. “I feel dirty for seeing that.”

Steve is quiet for a few minutes as he thinks over what he just saw. “She isn’t in love with The Winter Soldier, the one we faced. She’s in love with Bucky. The person we saw there was Bucky, a bit of the Bucky I used to know and a little bit of the Bucky we know now just sort of diluted.”

“They were both brainwashed to be perfect soldiers and somehow they still...managed to fall in love,” Nat says almost shaking her head in disbelief.

“So what now?” Sam asks unsure of where this puts them.

“I still don't 100% trust her, she’s been brainwashed before, for all we know those memories could be fake. We don't know the validity of them until Bucky can remember the same events if Wanda can find the same memories in his mind. But for now...I think she at least deserves to stop having her pain meds held back so she can heal properly. I'm going to talk to Tony.”

“So same time next week?” Sam jokes and Steve glares at him before they leave the room and go separate ways.

Part 4

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[makingnewenemies]

Group Picture Vol. 7 liner notes - 

Jake Lee - Bleeding Gum Murphy’s Jake Lee makes his triumphant return to Group Picture after a two year absence and the treasure is worth the wait! Jake blesses us with his characteristic upbeat opener set to clear-headed and introspective lyrics. He even manages to throw in an almost spanish sounding acoustic guitar lead? Welcome back Jake!

Little Cousin - The classic yet elusive duo of Walter and Milk come back with this strange and smooth track about burning ponies? Not really sure what to say about this one but I love Milk’s beats even when they are simple and jazzy like this and Walter’s experimenting with some new styles so props to trying I guess.

Weston Bookhouse - Weston is back with this calming and catchy piece about reflecting on his life and love while driving a country road. His voice is clean and clear, the shaker is fast and steady, and that outro when he sings both up and down the octave is probably the catchiest bit I’ve ever heard him write. I got the chills the first, second, and third time I heard this song. Rumor has it he is going to record the next album in 2018 in Walter’s garage!

Slaughter Beach, Dog - A Group Picture staple at this point, and the songwriter behind my favorite album of the year, Jake Ewald seems to be able to pump out heartfelt songs like a pathos machine, and of course this tune is no different. The arrangements of this song are fun and interesting and I love his love for slide guitar.

Milk Flud - Who? Ya the beat seems pretty chill but honestlyI don’t understand the motorbike metaphor at all. Is this guy ok? Who is Max? Was that a lyric about a german shepherd in a muzzle? The thing I love about MNE is that they give a platform to the little guys like this Flud character.

Chain - Woah! Chain is a Portland band that I’ve seen play live before but this is my first time hearing a recording and woah! The music and production are so unique and Teal’s voice is like candy. I can’t wait to hear more from them and I really hope they stick around the mne world for a little while so their creativity can rub off on me a little.

Cool American - Cool American is probably Portland’s coolest band. Their cynical wit and fuzzy charm leaves every listener intrigued and wishing they lived in Portland to have a beer with them. I’m really glad they came back to GP cause I want to be associated with them when they blow up.

Sour Guy - Well this has to be the absolute best song ever written about a grad student grading papers. While this might seem like a simple acoustic song, it’s really impressive the way Kris Schobert can clearly express the frustration of spending a whole day grading papers of kids who did not at all learn the subject matter (physics!) that he so passionately tried to teach to them. Love you, Kris. I would love to take your class and I wouldn’t be on my phone!

Banned From Japan - Earl from Banned From Japan is a sweet and genuine valley rat who has admittedly never listened to any bands besides NOFX. And, Earl, that is ok with us! This punk gem not only slaps but makes me want to delete my social media and live a more wholesome life. Welcome to MNE and Group Picture, Banned From Japan!

Alex Maddox - Our childhood friend with the voice that screams major label shoe-in is currently gearing up to ditch his job and live in a van traveling around Europe, surfing and following spiritual gurus. Perhaps Houston Graves is the person he felt he was turning into. Perhaps I am totally wrong. But I am right in saying this song is equally easy on the ears as it is introspective and I feel blessed to have Alex in my life and on Group Picture since its early days.

Benjamin Ward - It was a hard year for certain people in our music community. There were several deaths and Benny experienced one directly on his Hemingway tour. With that in mind, this song is absolutely heart breaking and cathartic. Usually known for dark metaphors and understated lyrics, Benny comes softly with candid words and a direct message - “I’m just glad I had you in my life / And I will carry you and the things you do until I die.” Beautiful, Benny.

Isabel Zacharias - So I was at Russell’s house meeting his new roommate Isabel for the first time this fall and we sang Wilco and Mountain Goats songs together. Then she played this song and I was floored. I told her about Group Picture and said she had to be on it. Now I am so grateful I had some caffeine that morning and had the gumption to be so forward because now I get to enjoy her poetic lyrics and soulful tune whenever I want.

The Sal Show - Sal from Animal City! Finally a funny track on Group Picture this year! But if you follow the lyrics, they actually convey a pretty ridiculous distant concept - a bad kid magician? - and it does not only make sense but its funny! Kudos to Sal if he ever reads this. The dude can write a tune.

Jeremy Murphy - The guy in Riled and Chain, Jeremy wowed the world with his “cranberries in the cosmos” song last year and now he has topped himself! This song is weird and cool! I would say more but Jeremy and I made a bet over a game of pool and he lost and he actually owes me a personal song. So I will hold my tongue until I hear that tune!

Dakota Loesch - The other mastermind behind Animal City and Lemp Lungs, Dakota is becoming a staple of group picture and that makes me feel blessed. This year he brings us a poetic Americana tune that makes me feel three things 1. honestly kinda sexy (must be that beat and the deep bass?) 2. Kinda melancholy! (not sure why) and 3. Dakota can we party together???

Emo Dreamboat - Ben Ward of Hemingway collabs with Milk and damn this song is a true emo pop song! Ben’s voice sounds soothing and dark and Milk’s beat is moody and intricate. Is this a collab that is gunna last or is this a one off Group Picture track? I really hope they do the album cause Ben can float over a beat like an experienced rapper and we all know Milk is capable of endless beats.

Byronius Punk - Ian Farmer, the dark horse of Modern Baseball, has always had a knack for songwriting and a great voice but it was hidden behind his role as “humble bassist” in the band. His track this year comes under the new moniker Byronius Punk and makes me want to stare out the window on a gray and snowy east coast day and just fall asleep on my desktop until summer arrives.

Grimy Baby - Naka G, from Weston Bookhouse and a past touring member of Walter Etc., keeps the slop tradition of MNE alive with this smokey bluesy gem. Probably recording everything in his bedroom in Santa Cruz, Naka sings about a “sleepless luxury” but honestly Naka if this how you function without sleep then I think you’re doing fine homie.

Chase Hoyt - Usually known for guitar shredding in Ubu Roi or Chaz and the Minions of Chaz, Chase takes a new disco styled approach with his contribution to this year’s comp. A disco song would usually seem annoying but this song sounds like Ozzy or Alice Cooper made a lo-fi disco song and that is obviously awesome. Also, note the shredding that still takes place and put some headphones and listen to those bass lines!

Humphrey Orlando - Our whiskey drinking story teller Humphrey is a classic mne and Group Picture stable. He claims he wrote this song in 5 minutes but he manages to squeeze as much soul as anyone feels in a lifetime into this scrappy minute and a half gem.

Melancholy Quinoa - The infamous rap group featuring Alex Crawford, Kyle B Hart, Ben Ward, Your Homie D, and Milk Flud, made their debut last year with a song about hot boxing a jungle gym. Well, they are back blending the Emo Dreamboat’s smooth vox, Crawford’s crass lyrics about masturbating, Kyle singing for the first time, and Milk’s trap tendencies. Honestly, this slaps!!!

Daddy Collin - The figurehead behind Snow Roller and voted Portland’s “Easiest Guy to Fall in Love With” is back this year under a solo moniker. Does this mean a solo career is in the works? Snow Roller released “XXL”, one of my fav albums of the year, this summer and Collin seems to still be climbing to his peak. I got the chills when he sings “i hope you still consider me a friend”. I do, Collin, I do.

Peanut Butter Cups - Aaron Kovacs from Lauren Records does this lo-fi project that pretty much only exists on Group Picture and I really think he needs to make a full album! His songs are fuzzy, lovely, and sad and make me feel something. Please Peanut Butter Cups, give us the full candy bar!

Walter Etc. - This one is just Walter alone, singing about being on a boat or something. Honestly, it sounds like all his other songs and I can’t relate to his love of the open sea, but hey this tune is kinda catchy!

*thanks for reading / listening* - omniscient mne god 

[arlessiar]

Eleven questions

I’m incredibly late with answering this, but it took me a while and then the whole Kingsman SDCC thing happened in-between. So no idea if people are still interested in this, but now that I’ve written it I also want to post it. :)

I was tagged by @notbrogues @hartwin-af and @spockri

rules: 1. always post the rules. 2. answer the questions given by the person who tagged you. 3. write 11 questions of your own and tag 11 (or however many) people to answer them.

Questions by @notbrogues

1. Describe your least favourite character.

In general, the pointless love interests, the boring villains, the almighty and flawless heroes, the dumb and helpless females

(And just in case, the opposite – my favourite characters are the caring doctors, the smart geeks, and the loners, misfits and underdogs *g*)

2. A go-to comfort meal/snack/treat.

When my Mum crumbs meat or veggies to fry them she always makes a small fried bread/omelette from the rest of the eggs and breadcrumbs. She adds salt, pepper and some cheese. It’s an old Silesian tradition, my Gran always did that and we still do it today. It means home and comfort for me and I love it and I’ll defend it from every other hungry person in the house. It’s mine. My precious. Me eats it alone! *eg*

Apart from that – Avocado. Chickpeas. White chocolate. Chocolate digestives.

3. Describe a perfect vacation,     with no limit on funds or how long you can stay there.

I go there quite often, but still, London. It’s been my happy place for years. And from there I’d go to Cornwall, to the Lake District, the Brecon Beacons and the Highlands. With unlimited funds I’d take my parents with me or my BFF, and we’d spend lots of time visiting all the manors and country houses!

4. Do you listen to podcasts? If so, what are you favourites?

Listened to the Three Patch Podcast in the Sherlock fandom, but only a few times. Not really my thing in general.

5. One widely accepted fanon headcanon that you just don’t agree with?

Hmm, I like most of the fanon and can live with the rest. Not so keen on Percival being Roxy’s Dad. Distantly related, yes, but I can’t imagine him as her father.  

6. One story/movie/song/album/piece of art that resonated with you and that you will never be able to forget?

There’s so much I could write here, but I have to make a decision, so:

Stories, movies – too many to count!

Song and album – R.E.M., Automatic for the people, “Everybody hurts”. My fav forever band, and that song saved my life during a very low phase I went through in my teens. Oh, and Jeff Buckley’s version of Cohen’s “Hallelujah”. Listening to that for the first time was a revelation.

Piece of art: My favourite picture is Caspar David Friedrich’s Wanderer above the sea of fog. I could stare at it for hours. Also, seeing Van Gogh’s Sunflowers for real in the National Gallery had blown my mind and I’ll go to look at it every time I’m in London.

When I was a teen there was an exhibition in my city with photographs from Nan Goldin. Our art teacher took us there and most of my classmates weren’t prepared for this rather explicit art. For me though a gate had opened, I finally understood the art of photography, and it’s been a passion of mine ever since.

7. If you have a day off, no responsibilities or pressing matters to attend to: what are you doing for the rest of the day?

Three words – Lego, AO3 and tumblr.

8. Favourite past trend that you are most nostalgic for?

I honestly never really followed trends a lot, so I’ve no idea what to say here. ^^ What I really really miss is the way they made computer games in the Nineties. Give me a good old fashioned Adventure with tricky puzzles and I’m happy.

9. What’s a hobby/skill you’ve always wanted to learn?

Playing the harp or the violin. And archery. Might still try the latter one day.

10. Where do you see yourself in ten years?

So sorry, but I have to skip this one... I don’t dream much anymore. The only thing I can say is: Hopefully still surrounded by the people who I love more than my own life.

11. What was your first fandom? First OTP? First NOTP? Any memorable experiences from those early days?

My first fandom was Star Trek, around 1991. I always blame my Dad for me becoming a geek because it was him who told me to watch TOS. :) Wrote my first story in a notebook when I was twelve, no OTP though then, it was rather Mary Sue-ish. ^^ Then we got our first computer, and I had moved on to DS9. More stories, now on computer, still no OTP but lots of h/c. Then we got internet in 1996, and I was having some sort of epiphany – there was this world-wide phenomenon called fanfiction! I was not alone! An amazing discovery! Saw my first slashfic at that time, Garak/Bashir, and I was 16 and all like ‘ewww’ and backed away from it (so that was probably my first NOTP).

Being a Tolkien fan for years I easily fell for the LOTR films later and wrote FF for that and published my first stories. Arwen/Aragorn was my first fandom OTP I guess. Saw more slashfic, Legolas/Aragorn, and I was still not convinced, but I read one. While I never shipped that pairing, slashfic in general suddenly started to look appealing. Well, and today I say “all I’ve learnt about sex, I’ve learnt from fanfic”, because those years were really educational… ;)

Next fandom was Stargate Atlantis (OTP McShep), my online fan-life started in earnest then with the Gateworld forum and LJ, then Torchwood (OTP Ianto/Jack), then Sherlock (OTP Johnlock). And here I am now, in the Kingsman fandom, with Hartwin and Merhartwin being my OTPs.

Now @hartwin-af

1. Who are your favourite artists/actors/fictional characters?

I admire Viggo Mortensen both as an actor and as an artist. And Colin Firth has been one of my favourite actors for many years. Closely followed by Chris Pine and Matt Damon. I also think Meryl Streep is a goddess.

Fav fictional characters: Aragorn, Sherlock, Mr Darcy and tons of others, among them right now Harry Hart :)

2. What are your favourite tv shows/movies?

Fav TV shows from the past: Star Trek DS9, Torchwood, MASH, SGA, Sherlock, Flying Doctors, Diagnosis Murder, Queer as folk

Recent TV shows: Agents of shield, Poldark, The Handmaid’s tale

3. What/Who do you fear?

Dying alone

4. What are you looking forward to the most?

At the moment my summer holiday and Kingsman 2.

5. What’s your biggest pet peeve?

The acceptance of ignorance you see nowadays. It’s ok to lack knowledge, but one shouldn’t be proud of it. It’s no badge of honour to boast about. There’s something you don’t know – go and look it up.

6. If you could make one thing canon in your fandom, what would it be?

DAISY UNWIN

7. Do you hoard usernames? 

Nope. In fact I’m known for having the same username for decades and almost everywhere…

8. Coke or Pepsi? Tea or Coffee? KFC or McDonald’s? 

If at all, Coke. Coffee, with tea being a close second. McDonald’s, but rather Burger King!

9. What would make today better?

Less humidity. Apart from that it’s been a pretty fine day. :) 

10. What’s your favourite scent?

Privet when it’s in bloom.

11. What’s your proudest achievement?

Finishing my university degree (MA)

And @spockri

1)  Are you a morning person or a night owl? 

100% night owl

2) What is your OTP (and you can only pick 1!) and why? 

Currently Hartwin. It just… happened. Love the fact that they’re so different and yet so similar, and that there’s tons of chemistry between them.

3) What is your favorite thing about Colin Firth? 

His smile. Absolutely.

4) What’s your favorite book and how would you recommend it to someone who’s never heard of it? 

That is in fact Atwood’s “The handmaid’s tale” and has been for years. I would recommend it as a book that’s become scarily relevant again in the light of the current political situation in the US.

5) Where is your favorite place to read? 

Used to be my bed, but the older I get, the less comfortable it becomes. So today it’s my desk chair. And Parliament Hill when I’m in London.

6) What was your last impulse buy? 

Clothes. I have way too many clothes… send help! Or Livia Firth, so that she can rip me a new one. Or Colin so that he can rip my clothes off… ok, wait, I need to stop.

7) What is/was your favorite subject in school? 

That was English and Art

8) Are you an introvert or extrovert? 

Introvert, INFJ. And an HSP. 

9) Do you have any trips/vacations planned this year? 

Most likely London again in August, and a short trip within Germany to visit two wonderful friends in October

10) What would you do if you saw Colin Firth walking on the other side of the street from you? 

In my dreams I’d work up the courage to walk over to him and smile and say hello and ask politely for an autograph… depends on the situation though. So in reality I’d most likely try not to bother him to respect his privacy and just stare at him from afar… while silently hyperventilating

11) I probably know you because we’re both into Kingsman, so when did you first watch Kingsman and what drew you to it?

When it came out I saw many posts about it on my tumblr dash and had no idea what it’s about. Thought it must be a big thing though and decided to watch it one day, but ignored it then on tumblr in order not to spoiler myself accidentally. It was on my list for a while and I finally bought the DVD in November 2016. Watched it with my parents. Was hooked in a second. This rarely happens to me, but I liked that the movie didn’t take itself overly serious but was still believable, and that the story had no loose ends. Also, suits and Savile Row (love a man in a good suit), and Colin Firth. Sold. The rest is history.

- - - - - 

Now, eleven questions from me, just in case anyone still wants to do this and isn’t sick of this meme already. :)

1)      What did you want to become as a child, and what did you become?

2)      If you were allowed to dress your favourite actor however you’d like, who would it be and what would she/he look like afterwards?

3)      Did you ever cry while reading a book or watching a film, and if yes, when was the last time that happened and why?

4)      What is your favourite piece of jewellery that you own?

5)      If you could invent and play any kind of yet non-existent role in an existent movie, who would you like to be?

6)      You have to share a room with a Kingsman character for one night. Who will it be and why?

7)      Did you have a comfort toy as a child and if yes, what happened to it?

8)      What is the colour/design of your bedclothes?

9)      What was your happiest fandom moment so far?

10)   The last film you saw in the cinema

11)   You invite your favourite fictional character for dinner and you’re having pizza. They say it’s your choice – what kind of pizza would you order for them?

You all probably did that already, I’m sorry!!

@agentdagonet @ripgalahad @jeherion @jesspaw @londongypsy @letmecomealong @galahadthelate @solarrift @lady-mephistopheles @fideliant @deepdarkwaters

[silentmight]

BTS LIVE Trilogy Episode III the WINGS TOUR in Bangkok 2017

Sometimes, all it takes is a little faith and the wings you never knew you had will fly.

About a week and a half ago I YOLO’ed to Bangkok for BTS’ Wings Tour, and it’s a decision I absolutely have no regrets on. Just gonna keep this here as a diary post and concert impression of sorts!

The BTS Wings Tour in Bangkok holds special meaning for me in many ways, but I'll get to that later.

I haven't been to a concert this massive, no not even the local rock bands and gigs I attended while in Singapore can rival this full house of screaming fangirls. Queuing was intense and really stuffy, as Bangkok's weather can really fry you but thankfully I met up with Fonnoi (the girl I bought my ticket from; I randomly saw her post on FB) and then joined her for the concert!

I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO REGRETS PAYING FOR THE STANDING TICKET. We positioned ourselves to the back and could learn against the guard rails, which makes for good viewing cause everyone crammed to the front and I'm glad my height's at an advantage here lol :3 Also I guess I must be old because I was on energy saving mode until the lights went off; the younger fans were all screaming when their bias appeared on screen when they played the MVs to pass time.

As an introduction, they played Spring Day’s MV and when the first verse kicked in I started tearing… IN FACT I WAS SILENTLY CRYING THROUGHOUT MANY SONGS, PLEASE DON'T JUDGE ME idk man this is the first time I've cried multiple times during a concert because you can feel the atmosphere and I just have too many FEELINGS.

The boys came on stage and kicked off with Not Today- great way to get the crowd pumping and it's also my fav (hell all of it is). The playlist is pretty much faithful to the one listed on the wiki, you can go check it out there… Hearing Bapsae and DOPE live is such a treat. Anyway I'm, so very glad to be able to watch the BTS boys perform their solo songs from the Wings album, coupled with visuals and stage props that are reflective of their personality and song.

Jungkook’s ‘Begin’ displayed his smooth dancing, which felt like a silent sort of strength. Right after was Jimin's ‘Lie’, which holy shit I've been waiting to watch in person ever since this kid became my no.2… I cannot explain in words how 色っぽい sexy it is, goddamnit! Stop attacking my heart! I cannot fathom how Jimin can look like a marshmallow one minute and then like a wolf!! *tears hair out* My favourite part of the dance was when he was blindfolded onwards /COUGH and when he was lifted into the air by the backup dancers too.

And then… my angel Min Yoongi, aka SUGA’s solo. I usually am unable to listen to 'First Love’ because he outputs a ton of intense emotions when he raps, so when I'm stressed I skip it. Hearing it live is no shortage of his raw feelings, and just listening to him rap it live is truly amazing.

The singer line then performed Lost and Save Me, in which during Lost they started to walk all over stage and I'm glad I… am just less than 10 feet away from them… just seeing Jimin sing live, I can die happy. OH and after this was 'I NEED U', aka the one song that I love to butcher with @hweiro and @wataksampingan in the car. Their pronunciation of “I need you gurrrr” hasn't changed IRL either lol.

Rapmon’s solo really did it for me. The introduction was of him looking at a whale, and this is just my assumption: Was he looking at the loneliest whale in the world? Which he wrote Whalien 52 in the previous album? Is it an allusion to himself, because we all know his song 'Reflection’ is melancholic by nature? As the song progressed, it felt like some deep acid trip going through the ocean and the universe and finally Rapmon ends it by walking into an elevated phone booth… however hearing him repeat, “I wish I could love myself” with the concert visuals truly struck a deep chord within. I don't have a deep soul like him but I can resonate with the feeling of looking at life pass you by, you want to love yourself but it's hard as fuck.

V's “Stigma” was next, sorry my attention here died a bit so I don't remember much lol. The last two solos had me in a silent tearing mess though- J-Hope and Jin. J-Hope is SUCH a good performer, his stage charisma is great and we're treated to his childhood photos as he sang ’MAMA’. He had a long pause before finishing off the song, but in that last verse, he sang it with the intensity of his gratitude and love for his mother I just.. my eyelids were like a leaky tap okay. You can totally see the look of admiration and adoration when he looked up after the song ended. J-HOPE!!! ;____;

Jin… oh Jin. It took me so long to appreciate 'Awake’, but after watching him perform live, I see this song in a new light. He and the violinists/cellists were on individual raised platforms, while the backdrop is pretty simple. It felt like a dreamy sky, and on the front of the platforms were projected feathers. Tbh, from what I know of Jin is that he was mainly the visual, who can't really sing or dance so people were like, why is he even there? And perhaps Jin himself feels it too, being the oldest in the group. The line “Maybe I can, can never fly… I Can't fly like the flower petals over there” just struck me of that train of thought.

But to me, Jin, at that very moment you're flying- flying so high and you could touch the sky.

Feelings of inadequacy and yet wanting to keep on keeping on resonates too much within. This song really punched me in the gut and I was trying to not sniffle (and guess what my eyeliner didn't run lmao)

'Cypher 4’ was the rapper line just doing their thing and going wild, then next was FIRE. OMG I've waited so long to also see this dance in person and also sing along T_Tbbb The next couple of songs had them singing yet running all over stage and I took the opportunity to sneak some photos lol but I'm sad that Suga didn't really come to our side of the stage 🙁 Speaking of Suga, this fella is really funny... as for most of his rap lines he just held his mic up and let the audience fill it in woi wwwwww

I managed to sneak some photos of Jimin as he came over to our side of the pen during ‘LOST’- when the singer line started walking around.

Anyway, I have also been looking forward to the main dances of the night: J-Hope’s insane solo for ‘Boy Meets Evil’ and finally, ‘Blood Sweat and Tears’ in the FLESH. I love BST a lot so getting to see it live is just too much for my heart to take.. even with Wings Outro right after. Tbh I wanted to jump up and down like at a rave party with this song (and Dope/Fire) but.. no one else was doing so.. guess no one jumps at a kpop concert lmfao

I got to see everyone up close though, in particular Jimin, J-Hope, V, Jungkook and Rapmon. Damn, Rapmon gave a flying kiss to the small area of 4-5 i was squashed in and the girl in the front went BERSERK. lol Jimin also high 5’ed a very lucky person!

After a short intermission, they returned with ”There Will Be Better Days” and I was already expecting to bawl at this song because of how easy you can sing along to the lyrics (and their meaning), and fucking bawl I did! Before performing this song Rapmon was like, don't be sad, we'll walk together always in our hearts and towards better days always and damn, I'm moved. I could mainly understand whatever RM was saying cause he's the only one speaking in English haha…

Last song of the night was 'Spring Day,’ which was a fitting end to the entire concert. And with that, the Wings Tour has come to an end.

If I didn't take leap of faith in messaging a total random stranger, who is now a concert goer and new found friend, I would never experience this. People precaution one against randomly asking and buying something from online strangers but if I never spotted Fonnoi’s post on the IME thread, I would never have this experience. I've been shown so much hospitality and warmth throughout, and I'm glad we could establish that trust. I'm really thankful to her for selling the ticket at an ok price!

I guess this concert and trip alone fulfills one of my small dreams; to YOLO to another country solely for a concert and to also solo travel before I'm 30. Honestly I thought I'd never be able to do it but just slog away and slave at work- growing old and letting all my youthful dreams die as I leave behind the vestiges of youth. It might have not been to Japan for sakanaction (still a dream), but I'm infinitely grateful that I was able to watch another one of my favourite groups perform live… not to mention seeing Suga, my ultimate BTS crush and also Jimin in person.

Here’s some sneak shots I took:

Rapmon!!! He’s so charismatic.