#anyways DUDE AND IT’S A LYRIC VIDEO TOO! FUCK ME UP!!

[seventh-district]

*wakes up at 5pm*

IT’S FRIDAY BABEY

*immediately opens youtube to go listen to the official version of Unknown by Hozier*

[unknownarmageddon]

hozierr

armageddon almost entirely forgets to do his daily hozier again holy FUCK

[king-crawler]

I know you have a Turbo themed playlist with 129 songs in it (well some of them are memes not songs but whatever) but what are your like, MOST Turbo songs? Give us your top 5-10 songs that represents him best.

OH BOY!! IM GLAD YOU ASKED!! ok here are my TOP 10 !!! i totally didnt edit this post like 5 separate times

Full playlist if you’re curious (may contain trash)

Again mostly just vibes but I really really like these if we’re considering Turbo specifically

Mariokart 8 Deluxe - Excitebike Arena

Here’s his silly TurboTime era. He’s so joyous and silly here he would never kill a man

Agent Orange - Bloodstains

This is peak RoadBlasters incident era Turbo. It really fits his “road rage aesthetic” idk LMFAO

Lemon Demon - Cabinet Man

Mandatory cabinet man. This is just his song. Every single lyric applies to him 😭 I like imagining “but there’s this tiny little box in Japan” is him finding out about RoadBlasters and “it’s getting lonely, it’s getting hard to breathe” is after he crashes it. Honorable mention I really like this cover by ANRY L STUDIOS whose videos also inspired the end of my own video :)

TWRP - Phantom Racer

SPEAKING OF ROAD RAGE LOL. THIS SONG IS SO FUN AND HONESTLY TIES 1ST PLACE WITH CABINET MAN.

Not only is every line extremely reflective of his murderous and competitive tendencies but it ALSO PERFECTLY PARALLELS HIS UNDEAD SYMBOLISM ?? WITH HIM BEING GHOSTLY/DEVILISH AND ALL…. AND EVEN HIS INFAMY/haunted legacy with the line “there’s something familiar about that car…” dude.

LAPFOX TRAX - The Queenstons - Terrible Ride

ok i was shy to add this one during my original ranking but it really is a top 10 Turbo song to me shhhh.. I love how nasty and dark the synths are and also the lyrics talking about going fast and the Aforementioned Ride (that is Terrible)

GHOST - cut the act (everything ruined in moments)

I Fucking LOVE this song oh my god it’s so glitchy and fucked up and dramatic and the entire title and even the artist being named “GHOST” just screams Turbo dude I can’t. This is his reveal scene song

Pendulum - Granite

I love dark electronic D&B or whatever the fuck this is it sounds so glitchy and evil this is PEAK TURBOCORE IDC

Oh yeah also the spooky ghost sounds at the beginning are a good touch

APAngryPiggy - Let Me Out

Ok hear me out the first 36 seconds of this one are fucking PEAK TURBO and it even parallels with how he gets burned alive at the end of the movie . then it kinda divulges back into Obvious Fnaf song material but I’m adding it because the intro is just that good. I’m gonna do a backflip

My Chemical Romance - The End.

The “YOU CAN’T SAVE ME” is what really gets me. Turbo was too far gone the moment he felt the spotlight and he lost himself entirely. Fucking tragic and raw song, I cannot get enough of how it channels his anger and his fear of dying hated by everyone.

…

ANYWAYS THANKS FOR ASKING TEEHEE !!!!🌈❤️

BONUS: MaimyMayo - FNF: ARCADE ARCHIVES vs Turbotastic

this is actually the only Real Turbo song (official) and I LOVE it so much its so goddamn catchy

[accio-victuuri]

i’m sure we can slice and dice this video and analyze every frame to fit the cpf narrative. and maybe i will do that at a later time but let’s be real here. i mean. this part of the vlog.

who. did. it. remind. you. of.

all the vibing. all the chill dancing like he’s just feeling himself and the music. the hand movements. the fuck.

it’s so wang laoshi. i’m sorry. i know he (xz) is not the only person in the world who can get caught up in the moment/music and move his body to it but this is just too familiar. it’s like how wyb starts his freestyles when he is loosening up his body. i’ve watched him enough times to recognize it.

and add the music and what it potentially means. it’s another layer, like it’s okay, i’ll just dance and think of the love of my life and everything is gonna be alright.

plus the question again! that question, did you figure it out? this is not the first time it happened. and we are reminded of what wwx asked lwj, "Lan Zhan, next time we meet, you have to think of a name for this song. I've already thought of one." 😭😭😭😭

oh wait i’m not done. what a wonderful world. yep, a nice song that’s all about appreciating what’s around you and it’s beauty. but the coincidence in the lyrics.

I see trees of green. red roses too. I see them bloom . For me and you. And I think to myself. What a wonderful world

literally the first part. green and red combo. 🔴🟢

….I see skies of blue and clouds of white

…..The colors of the rainbow

blue sky & white clouds which is a cpn we love to interpret and of course the 🌈. dude, it’s a bjyx song. lol. xz found it. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

finally, are they clowning us? they saw us editing past vlogs with the bgm of bystander. so they did a lovely montage of sorts at the start of the video that would be a perfect music video for bobo’s song! well, thank you!

anyway, that’s all for me now. happy clowning ^^

[deadpool15]

Underwear?

"Hello, vlog. I'm currently in the kitchen. You can obviously see that if you have fucking eyes. I'm sorry, sometimes people will be slow. So, a couple of things have happened, first being I got MARRIED." Lyric says while smiling at the camera. "I've just been sitting in my house, living life. I got married in January, so it's been like a couple of months and I know what you thinking your this man done turned our girl into a fucking housewife. No, well shit I mean, the dick is good soo." I laugh while walking towards the refrigerator to grab out the ingredients for the pasta dish I'm making. Just a little simple meal, because I mean you got to save the best for last am I right. Yall know I'm right.

I managed to score me a 6'2, beautiful ass model and actor combined. Yea, that shig was definitely on my bucket list, I mean I was thinking more of a tall women like that video game with the zombies but, shit it's not like I fell short or anything. I met Byeon during Paris fashion week, during a bathroom accident. And by that I mean I walked into the wrong fucking bathroom because I was distracted and lost as fuck. I turn about towards the camera after explaining the situation. "I mean, I'm pretty sure that shit happened to everyone before to all of you. Agree with me, please. The sad part is this isn't the first time I've walked into the wrong bathroom. Let me live, ok. So, back to the story."

Flashback

"Omg, I'm going to fucking piss my pants. I'm too old for all this running and shit. A bitch is about 4'11, therefore I'm not athletic enough either. Sir fucking move." I practically scream at the random man blocking the entrance, ofc he tries to stop me but I pay him no mind, and immediately run into a stall. "This stupid fucking dress." After about what felt like 12 minutes I was able to use the bathroom. I walked out only to walk face first into a door, I looked up and saw a face. "Shit, dude, you are basically built like a wall. Wait, isn't this the women's bathroom, or do you identify as a women. If so, I'm totally sorry, ma'am." He looks down at me smirking before I notice this is the most beautiful man I've ever seen. "Shit, dude, you look like you were made by AI, I mean young lady."

It takes me a moment to realize he is speaking to me. Fucking beautiful specimen. I know his dick is big. Wait shit no what's wrong with me. Well, I'm obviously horny as shit and he could totally fix that issue. "This is the men's restroom, or you lost?" I look up at him basically staining my fucking neck shit this dude is tall, he could totally break my back. Wait, stop it. This is the men's bathroom, which explains why that dude tried to stop me from coming in here. "Yea, I am lost, sir. I was trying to find the womens bathroom, though that's obviously too late since I've already used the bathroom, and well, you know."I should walk you back them, just in case you get lost and wander into another's men's bathroom and some other guy gets the chance. Strange girl." I blush while looking around the bathroom." "Yes, you should be kind, sir."

Present

I start mixing all the ingredients while I finish telling the story, smiling at how the memories make me feel. "So. I'm just gonna let this cook for 30 minutes, and it should be done. I had already prepared the recipe last night, so everything is pretty much good. Anyways, how yall doing? Oo shit, this is a vlog, not a live video. Yea, I'm just gonna edit that out. I don't need yall thinking I'm slow and shit." As I finish speaking, my phone starts going off, and someone is literally blowing up my phone. "Acting like I owe child support in this bitch. I don't claim any foreign. Oo shit yall it's just my MAN." I smile once I see the contact.

Myman- Hey baby, are you busy ?

Mymam- Are you even up, I know you don't wake up til like 4 in the afternoon.

Myman- I was just checking in, baby. We got a break on set, and I told the staff that I had to speak with my wife.

Myman- There is this random girl that kinda won't leave me alone, not that you need to worry, though. I handled 👏 it.

Babycakes- I'm up

Babycakes- Who tf is bothering you, baby? If I need to come out there and check a bitch I will.

Myman- No, baby, nothing like that, I promise, just a little flirting.

Babycakes- Say no more say no more say no moreeee

Babycakes- I'm on my wayyyy

I gathered everything and headed to the car, and before I knew it, I made it on set. "So, since they still kinda filming, I can't bring yall. We'll I can I just like can show yall shit to be honest. So, I mean yall can we my man. My husband. So, let's go." I get out of my car walking up the security guards who greatly remember me and allow me in without a fight. "Omg, yall I thought I wad gonna have to be the anger black women in this bitch, anyways let's find our target." I walk pretty much all over the set saying him to everyone including Lee Yoon-mi. "It's my favorite strong girl. Guys, look at my girlfriend." She laughs hysterically at my comment. "Hello, to Lyrics vlog, stop saying I'm your girlfriend before your husband tries to take us apart." I kiss her cheek while hugging her, asking where would Byeon be right now. "He should be in his trailer. He heard you were coming and got all excited and locked himself in there, saying he was waiting patiently for his love." I laugh at how dramatic he is before telling yoon bye, leaving to finally get to him.

I spot the trailer that lists his name on it before knocking. "Are yall excited to see him, I mean, I am." I wait a while before I hear him at the door, "I told you all. I'm kinda busy." He opens the door staring at me wide-eyed. "To busy for me, sir." Byeon immediately grabs me and yanks me into the trailer, turning off my camera before I could introduce him to everyone. "I fucking missed you so much," I stare at him shocked since he is literally smelling me right now. He grabs my ass while pushing me further through the trailer, "You look so pretty. It's too pretty to walk out of the house. Fuck other people probably saw you didn't they?" "Ofc, they saw me baby I had to ask for your location, duh? What's wrong?" He grabs my jaw while pushing me against the Makeup table. "Don't sass me right now, I've been waiting forever. Sitting here hard thinking about fucking you until you can't walk. Seems like I didn't do a good enough job last night. Let's fix that."

"W-wait baby, we can't do that here," though it seems like my voice means nothing to him because he has already pushed me down bending me over. "But what if they hear, and I'm pretty sure you have to be on set soo- "Come on baby, don't make me beg. You know you want it to, and that's why you came here dressed up for me. All pretty for me." Before I can protest further, he starts fingering me slowly, causing me to moan out loud, and he stops. "Your sensitive baby, why are you sensitive? That would mean you were touching yourself earlier. Shit your already about to cum. I'm gonna have to punish you for that."

[cocainegirlsnblunts]

Smoothies In 1991

Jack Harlow - Officially meeting Jack

Interviewer: So can you two tell us where you first met and what were your first impressions on each other.

you started cracking up thinking about that day.

10/27/21.

After 2019 you weren’t so much in the spotlight, only because you chose too. You liked to be as private as possible and your work already got the recognition it deserved. Plus you’ve already done a few interviews here and there.

You were struggling with a lot at the time and the only option you had was to take a break from your career. You stayed lowkey, stopped posting, and anytime you were in a picture or anything it was RARE.

But anyway, 2021 you started to plan your comeback and so your friend Cole posted you on your Birthday

@colebennett ✓⃝

liked by madisonbeer, chanteljeffries, mariahthescientist and 238,595 others

colebennett happy 22nd birthday twin

And Cole has worked with many people, including Jack Harlow. Who you didn’t even know really but Cole had the amazing idea to take him to the Birthday Party your lovely Best Friend, Kali Uchis was throwing you.

Your Birthday is in late October so you always have a Costume Party. This year it was a Jazz Club/Old Hollywood themed.

Many people that you’ve worked with or have a bond with came. Here are some of the people who attended.

As you’re talking with friends, Cole approaches you with some people you’ve never met and didn’t really recognize.

“Yo Arlette” he yells.

“Cole Hey!!” you say noticing there’s some people behind him.

“Look I just wanted to introduce you to my boys here, you might know some of em, this is Jack, Jack Harlow.”

the world stopped spinning when you looked into his eyes, and you damn near lost your breath when he reached for handshake.

“Happy Birthday.” he says

“nice to meet you☺️☺️” omfg. LIKE WHO IS THIS???!??? you were screaming on the inside, last person you were geeking over was Jordan. (playboicarti)

“And then this is Urban and Druski” Cole continues to introduce you.

you greet them all with a smile and a nice to meet you, because like we mentioned earlier we aren’t so aware of the people poppin at the moment😬 but some knew you

“Hey I really love your work dude, New Choppa was insane” - Urban says

“Thank you so muchhh!” you say with a smile.

Fast forward the night, you took some pictures with your friends and everyone, including Jack because Cole insisted.

Cole posted it on his story and everyone was going crazy because this was your first appearance since 2019. (yk how we freak out when we see frank ocean, this is how everyone was reacting to you)

You: So yeah to break it all down, I wanted Jacks fine ass since the day I met him.

Jack’s Pov

At the time I was on the rise of my Career. The song I was featured on with Lil Nas X was the #1 song in the world. Got Nominated for hella stuff, got hella awards. I was really accomplishing my dreams.

My friend Cole Bennett, creator of Lyrical Lemonde, fucking legend. I’ve worked with him for the music video of What’s Poppin my first hit ever.

He had this friend, and I had known of Arlette because she was a big help in the artistic side of this industry and uh, Urban has mentioned her name to me before when he’d show me some album covers, or a music video but, i never knew the face behind all that was arlette’s beautiful self.

So it’s October, all these halloween parties are happening and Cole had hit me up and said, “Yo I have this friend, Arlette Viotto she works in the same category as me. I don’t know if you’ve heard of her but, she’s having a birthday party today at 9 PM they’re always really sick, i’d love for you to meet her man.

And me like I said I never even seen what she looked like, but I looked her up on google and I was sent to a whole different dimension looking at how beautiful she was. I was also appalled reading everything she was behind like damn I never knew. But I hit Cole back I said I am going to that party, we invited more of our friends and walking into this lil jazz club, they were playing that techno shit, it got turnt.

And I’m walking around I see hella people here, some people are coming to greet me ya know telling me congrats on being number one all that. Cole brings me to go meet this Arlette Viotto. And man was she even prettier in person.

Meanwhile Urban was over here fangirling, i remember. That shit was hilarious, but yeah I used my skills of eye contact and smooth talking. It was love at first sight.

okay first of all sorry for taking forever on this. I have gotten so unmotivated on like everything i been wanting to write about but here is what i have of this Jack Harlow series im attempting to do. I hope you love it and there’s more coming, trust and believe!!

[volivolition]

!!!!! We're SO glad you like Cosmos it's such a pretty song tbh like,,, waow,,

ok this time we have. THREE songs ok but hear me out: they go together.. u cannot separate them. sO!

first: The Heart Acoustic by Chonny Jash. This one gives off major canon Empathy vibes to us BUT for our system it's a Volition song. Either in a scenario where he's like. Unsure about his role as a Skill or as very Low levelled Volition wdk. Both r fitting to us though if that makes sense!

second: The Mind Electric, also by Chonny Jash! VERY MUCH a Logic song!! We really like these three songs and how they connect together the whole album is great in that tho it's abt these three guys just fucking FIGHTING EACH OTHER FBDBSJDJFJ but these three songs rlly show that. We see this as a song where Logic and Volition do NOT get along at all [also fun fact our Logic sounds like the dude in this song specifically. lov that 4 him <3]

third: The Soul Eclectic... Also by Chonny Jash! JFKDKDKFFK we r back on our shit [chonny jash hyperfixation <3] This one's an e-chem song 4 SURE to us but like,, Signature Skill Electrochemistry. less "hey do this thing to make yourself happy :3" and more "DO WHAT I FUCKING SAY EVERYONE OR ELSE :^)" sorta vibes FJDJDJFJ

the three songs tell a story of Heart and Mind fighting for control over the lead singer and they both want him to do vastly different things meanwhile Soul is like..... Listen. I need you both to shut the fuck up or I'll just KILL YOU. and our interpretation of the songs w the skills isn't quite like that it's less,, violent. more like "listen to me because I'm signature skill and harry listens to ME so shut it a bit" does that make sense it's 2 in the morning and we're TIRED lmao

anyways!!! all great songs, if you like these three PLEAZE let us kno bc chonny has a looottttt of good shit and we'd be so happy to send you more of his songs omg we lov his music so much

oh ive seen you mentioned these before i think!! :D ive listened to the original mind electric, and i LOVE how he's played with the concepts and melody?? i listened to this version with all three of them (i will not separate them dont worry hkjgh <33) and your interpretation is VERY COOL!! :D

more thoughts below the cut :]

oooh very orchestral and dramatic? i love all the lyrical replacements and all the nods back to the original too ough... i love cool fucking words hkjhg i understand the volition standpoint with "That’s what I’ll say to rationalize / I’m needed if we’re to stay alive." YEAH I SEE IT!! "see how the mind tricks the so-O-O-OUL~!!" MM GOOD SHIT, with the pauses in between? "do what you want, you automaton freak / no, i can no longer bring myself to care" FUCHFKH LMAO...? YOUR TURN BUDDY. man this is so cool...

:0 hell yes, logic you have an EXCELLENT voice, we all love this for him <3 "my logic is the absolute / his pity parties simply harm these chances at an apt repute" DUDE THESE FUCKING RHYMES!! HELL YES!! I LOVE WORDS!!! RUAHG!!!! i love that this one sounds more digital than the last one? OH wait i get it, the heart's acoustic and the mind's electric, man that's so cool... and also REALLY MEAN, lots of insults HKJHG but very amusing, THE GIRLIES ARE FIGHTINGGGG!!

soul starting with "Yo." fucking hgkjhg?? love that. this one OUGH... the BEAT, the vibes are so much more intense now, like oh shit okay!! boss music!! kill, then!! ooh i love heart and mind singing at the same time but different lyrics... oh nooo little guy don't... oh no the implications of the ending, no little fella noooo... :'] its very commanding, it does fit a cool skill signature, go e-chem go!! EVERYONE ELSE BE!! A LITTLE QUIET!! hkjhg

ough these are so cool, low psyche, high int, higher physique build :0

oh if this is something i also listened to The Bidding from Chonny (and watched the music video! its good fucking animation i love how theyre portrayed as little guys :3 the "WE COMBINED??? NO WAY GUYS!!!!!" WE LOVE TO SEE IT HDJKH) they did it!!! they worked together for a little bit!!! :D!! yayayayay!! also a cool one <3 if you would like to tell me thoughts on this one i will gladly send you an ask!! <33

thank you for sharing!! i always appreciate you :] <333

[shark-myths]

1/2 Hi hello I have a...Headcanon? Fic prompt? Grand unifying Mania to smfs tryst theory theory? Anyway it's this: There was some sort of 'fuck it lets just try again' decision around mania era and it was good! It was working out! And then there was covid and lockdowns and everyone had to make some really tough choices re: who we say irl and when and how often and that led to some real 'well maybe were fooling ourselves when we thought we could have it all this can't really work we did miss our-

2/2 -shot' ergo the smfs lyrical lean of 'I love you so much but this maybe really isn't our time'/ mixed in with all the other very project-written-during-covid ~vibes~ (which I love). But anyway there's a lot of time that can and did (if they started in 2021?) pass between writing lyrics and releasing music and working on the album after all that isolating introspection led right back to 'fuck it lets just be together life is short' hence The Way They're Acting now. *shrugs* idk

*

Love this, love you, thanks for the conspiracy ask!

we know from this kerrang interview and a few other casual mentions, like in patrick's album commentary from the release parties (still haven't listened to that myself but @leyley09 is an excellent on-the-scene reporter) that some of the writing for SMFS actually started before the pandemic, with Patrick dreaming up the music for What a Time to Be Alive right after the release of MANIA and Pete writing the lyrics that paired with it before the pandemic. so if the writing process went dormant in lockdown, we know many of the threads were connected before covid hit the US. (i'm also remembering the cute zoom sing-a-long pete & patrick did at the beginning of the pandemic where they were clearly in the same room but on separate video feeds so that we, viewing, could feel like we were all alone together)

I stand by my thought that MANIA's ask symbolizes open doors that are open-ended--the queer poly happily ever after is floated, and maybe it's answered and maybe it's not but i don't think any of those doors were closed, even by lockdown. i take the backwards-looking in SMFS as a way of acknowledging what's gone past and is no longer possible: having their whole lives being entwined together, maybe even raising a family together instead of with the lovely women they've chosen and built something beautiful with, not letting the fear of being found out determine the unhealthy shape their relationship took for the first 15-odd years of its course. i find this deeply relatable as a mid-30s bisexual, honestly, whose life could have looked really different in some really joyful ways if the culture had been more hospitable and open to queerness when i was growing up, but who also doesn't regret or want to change what i have now.

SMFS doesn't feel like a frantic too-lateness to me, it doesn't feel young; it feels plain and true, like, well, it is too late for some things, but that might not have worked out anyway, and as it stands we're everything to each other--patrick can't write songs without pete and pete feels like he's a painter who can't paint without fall out boy (the kerrang interview is giving me life, truly)--and it isn't so bad, having a soulmate, whether that manifestation is currently romantic or not. it's too late to change what's gone past but it's not too late for the entire future.

i've just never seen them so comfortable together and so matter-of-fact! like their closeness hasn't looked this easy since pete was making patrick squirm on vh1 by describing them as husbands nearly 20 years ago. i love the way no one's rushing to disguise or define or defend anything, they're just sitting there plainly like, this dude is everything to me, and it frankly is so beautiful and refreshing after the no-homo panic that characterized the early aughts.

i love your headcanon and it gave me all these lovely chewy thoughts! god i can't wait to see the fic that comes out of this. thank you darling!

[tonberry-yoda]

it is midnight and that means its saturday so i am here for my matchup 🤭 in all honesty i have been wanting to request one from u for so long bc i love the way u write your matchups loll, but ANYWAYS! could i pls get a haikyuu matchup? i go by she/her, im straight nd i’d like a romantic matchup 🫡 so im like 5’2 i think, dyed black hair (goes a bit past my shoulders and my natural color is brown), brown eyes, and i have a lot of freckles on my face. i have my septum and both sides of my nose pierced along with a few ear piercings.im an ambivert so how i act definitely depends on the environment im in but with the right people im very outgoing (very chatty lol). but my social battery also gets drained v fast so after big social gatherings i need some time to recover (usually recovering = taking a long nap). i get really snappy if i my social battery is drained so the whole recovery thing is v important lmao. i am also a very sleepy person, my friends like to joke that im chronically tired lmfao, i take naps almost every day and if im in a car, sitting down in class or doing something like that i probably will fall asleep. i cannot control it T_T i also trip, run into things, drop things, etc. all the time. my house could be dead silent and then out of nowhere u just hear a crash and “what the fuck” yea thats me sorry 🤫🤫 i also like to tease ppl a lot, not in a flirty way more like in a provoking way (i cant flirt i have 0 rizz). moving on!! some things i look for in a relationship r someone who can be patient with me and dont mind reassuring (if they do it without me asking its 100x better). i love when show theyre thinking abt me through little things like “oh i was at the store and i saw your fav candy so i picked it up” or “i saw your favorite flowers on my walk home and thought of you” id cry. also someone who isnt afraid to show they care (not in a sense of like pda but moreso they arent too prideful to do dumb stuff like dance with u at 2 am in the kitchen). anyways my type! they dont have to be like 7ft tall but maybe 5’9 or 5’10 +. i like funny guys but not funny at the expense of others. i also really like guys that are able to actually respect me as a person. i pride myself on being really smart and mature (when i need to be lol) and i genuinely would not be able to stand someone that saw me as any less than that. OK MOVING ON! hobbies/ interests! i love music. so much. music is my creative outlet and how i express myself. i annotate song lyrics. i connect with music through personal experience its just so so important to me. i am learning how to play the electric guitar so i can connect with it even more. my favorite artists rn are the 1975, mitski, ptv and sleeping with sirens:p although im always open to expanding my music taste!! i also like to play some video games(obsessed with animal crossing lately lol). aand my love language is words of affirmation. sorry if this is really long T_T and if you dont get to this no biggy but if you do tsym!<3

WHEN I TELL YOU THIS MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD THIS MORNING LMFAOOOOO. and that little note at the beginning is so sweet! i am so glad i am able to do a matchup for you anon!! okay, so i have a perfect little dude for you, but it may be random so bear with me. i love this man, so i hope you do too!

the character I chose for you is...

KEISHIN UKAI!!!

OKAY

HEAR ME OUT!

ukai is flippin hot

i would love to be in your shoes

(he's my fav haikyuu character besides tanaka, so you're lucky frrr)

he would love your piercings

he's a piercing fella himself (he's what made me want to get my second ear piercings lmfaoooo)

like he thinks it's high key hot

he's also an ambrivert, so both of your personalities match up really well

he is totally understanding of your drained social battery (plus, he gets the same way) so he'll just let you nap while he works or leave you alone if needed

WILL 100% TAKE NAPS WITH YOU

like will hold you in his arms and nap a whole day away when he gets the day off

you will always knock over things in his shop and he'll just laugh or wait for you to pick it up while dead staring at you lmfaoooo

he'll definitely know if you walk in when he hears a whole ass display get knocked over

he thinks it's cute when you tease him even if you say it isnt about flirting, his dumbass thinks it is which is fine by you so you can tease him more often

the real reason i picked this guy is because of what you said about him bringing you things that made him think of you

like this man will roll up with a chocolate bar and shove it in your hand with a pile of chips shoved in his mouth and say "I thought of you today at the store and grabbed this"

he doesnt see it as much, but you are over the moon about it

when he finds out about how much you love it, he will keep doing it

he is very patient and caring for you and literally only has eyes for you

he also always gets you to laugh, which always makes his day

please play music for him

he will have heart shaped eyes if you do

he will 100% play videogames with you, but you have to teach him how to play half of the time lmfaoooo

he will always tell you how much he loves you and how pretty and amazing you are frfr

if you go to any of his practices or games when he is coaching, he will brag about you

(i am so sorry this took so long i forgot it was in my drafts. i hope you love it nonetheless though!!!)

~~~~~

matchup rules --- pinned post

@tonberry-yoda

[gggoldfinch]

My little tiny sad brain can’t handle trying to absorb new things right now but I am curious. Can you spoon feed sales pitch explain rammestein like I’m five?

THIS MADE ME GIGGLE SO FUCKING HARD oh god I’m tearing up idk why this is so funny LMAO

I love talking about things I’m into to people on the internet, so yes I can absolutely sales pitch explain Rammstein to you anon. This may be a little too long-winded but I’m insane so you have to forgive me… (tldr at the end)

Okay so,, basically: Rammstein is a German industrial metal band formed in 1994, consisting of lead singer Till Lindemann, guitarists Richard Z. Kruspe and Paul Landers, bassist Oliver Riedel, synth/keyboardist Christian Lorenz (aka Flake or Dr Lorenz), and drummer Christoph Schneider.

They lean heavy on performative violence and pyrotechnics during shows (i.e. Till bashing his head against things, Till “cooking” Flake alive in a cauldron with an actual flame thrower, etc… also Till is kinda insane ?? homeboy frequently puts himself through intense physical pain, possibly bordering on self-mutilation, all for shits and gigs??). There is also a fair amount of sexually explicit lyrics, and occasionally visuals (Till and Flake once got arrested for emulating gay sex on stage despite being fully clothed— which is fucking hilarious).

Basically, they’re a bunch of old(ish) german guys having questionably explicit fun, and I’m completely infatuated. They’re also kindaaaaa 👀 HDJKDKFLF…… Anyway, one of their songs, “Sonne” has been trending on tiktok lately (as songs tend to do), so chances are if you have tiktok you’ve probably heard it. Their music videos are fucking wild too— my favorite mvs are “Angst,” “Adieu,” and “Deutschland.” Also Till’s solo “Ich hasse Kinder” mv fuckin slapssss. The mvs, especially the more recent ones, are shot with movie level quality and, though often bizarre and slightly unsettling, are definitely worth a viewing.

They’re kinda always dirty and grimy and covered in soot on stage (presumably both for the aesthetic and because of the extensive use of serious pyrotechnics), in addition to wearing makeup and outlandish costumes (when not shirtless), and are just a bunch of goofballs tbh. They dance around and bully each other on stage— it’s pretty entertaining to watch. Unfortunately they’re not touring the US rn so I can’t cop a ticket, but when they do come back around I can only hope to get my eyebrows scorched off in the pit. And, if you ever see me posting about a super beefy dude with a lot of facial piercings, usually sweaty and gross looking, that’s my beloved Till. I admittedly have a big fat crush on him (and also Richard and Paul) 🤷🏻‍♀️

So, tldr: they’re an off-color German industrial metal group, not particularly for the faint of heart.

(For reference here’s a pic from 2001; L->R: Oliver, Flake, Paul, Till, Chris, Richard)

[winderlylandchime]

I received an email today from my brother (mind you, i am in my home office and he is like 2 rooms away), it was titled ‘very very very urgent’ and then he yelled from the living room ‘URGENT MEANS CHECK NOW!’ So I did. And I wish I hadn’t. He literally started the email with ‘I am coming to you through email due to the fact that I have been a victim of a horrible, vicious attack by a foot rest and Netflix.’ He wrote an email (cause he can’t write now lol) about his music/qaf idea he had. Turns out what I thought was just a little thought he had, he actually spent days thinking about. I should’ve seen it coming tbh. Anyway, these are just SOME parts i thought I should share but there is so much more. Mostly just him going on and on about Brian/Britin and occasionally getting distracted by different topics such as the fact that he thinks I need new curtains. Anyway, these are some parts copied from his email, that i thought you deserve to see. Some I actually liked but some made me confused and worried: ‘I want videos of my boys to music but that’s hard according to youtube tutorials so I need you or someone else to do it, after all I am a victim of a fall. Please google people for hire. Anyway, these are the songs I have great ideas for: The Winner Takes it all by my homies Abba. Dude Just imagine that shit. It would be for when Justin left Bri Bri for that kazoo player. And Its Brian all sad and lonely. I mean come on dude, the winner takes it all, the loser has to fall? BUT TELL ME DOES SHE KISS YOU LIKE I USED TO KISS YOU (no). Somewhere deep inside you must know I miss you! (My name) tell me that shit doesn’t scream when Justin was returning the bracelet!’ (Here is where he got distracted by the bracelet so im just gonna copy the second/third song part) ‘You know that dude with the pretty voice I told you about? Yeah, his songs too! (He is talking about Noah Kahan) That song All my love could totally fit my boys. Now I know your name but not who you are!!! You got all my love!!! If you need me dear im still the same as I was! Wait for it, the best lyrics that describes my baby boy Bri Bri is coming at you now: You burrowed in under my skin, what id give to have you out from me! At the end of it all, i just hope that your scars heal! SEE?! What the fuck did i just say? I know my pretty boy’ (here he got distracted by Brian the cat for a few paragraphs) ‘and dude, I can’t forget my favorite song Stick Season. Listen to that shit and tell me you can’t see Bri Bri in that chorus? Or like when he hired that dude to cosplay as Justin? It’s in there, go listen, work isn’t that important I can hear you on the phone with mom.’ (This is where he then went on a big rant because he got upset when he realized the songs he suggested are kinda sad aka broken up Britin) ‘Yo no, this is fucked up. Okay, i got it. But I have no ideas how it would be so just imagine parts of the episodes where they’re all over each other happy to this song’ (he linked Bad for business by Sabrina Carpenter) ‘(his friends name) sent this to me and told me it reminded him of me and Bri Bri. Do you think he was fucking with me or not?’ (He got distracted here by his love for brian).

He did also say he wants something to Now that we dont talk and to Is it over now by Taylor Swift. But he couldn’t decide what.

So this is just a tiny part of the email he sent to me. The only other part in the email I actually laughed at was that he just wrote: ‘give me Brian Kinney being hot to these songs and fuck you, I know what I’m talking about, you can’t see the vision cause you don’t find dudes hot.’ (Said by him, a straight man…according to him) songs that he listed: ‘Heartless and Party Monster both by The Weeknd and (i wish this was a joke but i asked and he was serious) Hands up by Ayesha Erotica. Also that one song that mom is obsessed with but it would be just Bri Bri all cute and happy with Blondie.’ (I had to ask my mom and it was Love me like you by little mix)

Anyway, the man has officially lost his fucking mind. This was literally just an email containing song and that was it. He did reveal that it took him 20-30 minutes to write it, which usually would take him like 10-15 minutes but the cast is showing to be a real pain in the ass for him so that’s kind of funny to me personally. Anyway, I just wanted to share whatever the fuck this was because I obviously forwarded it to my cousins and some other people and we are all 1) impressed a little ngl cause he’s onto something at some parts 2) a bit worried and 3)finding all this very funny

Oh and in case you were wondering how he’s doing with qaf? He went back to watch 3x08-3x14….he has watched it each day of the week so far…

HE SENT YOU AN EMAIL FROM THE OTHER ROOM.

But okay fandom, we have our orders. We can repay Brother Anon for all the entertainment he has provided us with some fan creations for after our Dear Sweet Anon does the great reveal.

The Winner Takes it all by ABBA for S3 during the break up with the scene where Justin returns the bracelet

All My Love by Noah Kahan

Bad for business by Sabrina Carpenter

Stick Season by Noah Kahan also the break up with the hiring the Justin lookalike escort.

Now that we dont talk and to Is it over now by Taylor Swift

Heartless and Party Monster both by The Weeknd

Hands up by Ayesha Erotica

Love me like you by little mix

Okay fandom we have our marching orders and they are:

‘give me Brian Kinney being hot to these songs and fuck you, I know what I’m talking about, you can’t see the vision cause you don’t find dudes hot.’ (Said by him, a straight man…according to him)

(from one lesbian to another, anon, I am DYING over this)

[disgusting-semla]

INTERVIEW WITH DEAD, FROM BATTERY #5 1990 (part 5)

 YOUR VOICE REMINDS ME OF QUORTHON FROM BATHORY AND THAT LEADS ME TO THE NEXT QUESTION. I READ THAT YOU AND QUORTHON AREN’T WHAT ONE COULD CALL FRIENDS, SO COULD YOU TELL ME ABOUT WHAT’S UP WITH THAT OR DON’T YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT?

Why is Quorthon talked of so often? (I don’t mean by you but from so many…). I don’t think he invented Occultism or the death way of singing. I listen to the early stuff by BATHORY only. Like the first LP and the compilation LP’s, but later he lost all the ability to crush and kill. I don’t think so many outside of Scandinavia have met him but I can tell you it’s not worth the try. Some dudes I know more or less know that guy, but I’ve met him only once. He is one of the worst motherfucking wimps I’ve had the misfortune to meet! Do you by the way know it’s his DAD who’s “the boss” and he runs his record label and Quorthon goes nowhere without his daddy…“Quorthon” has changed his name real name now to Ace and he doesn’t have the slightest of any Occultism and especially not of the arts his lyrical stuffs content! I just don’t understand WHO makes the lyrics…could it be the Boss? The only interest Quorthon has is to fuck around on’s rock clubs and the so-called Vvornth, the drummer, he picked up from a GLAMROCK band!!! How strange how everything he says in interviews is changing completely all the time…in the earliest days of BATHORY he explains how important it is with the darkness in songs and he’s writing of the satanic influences he has cos that’s his greatest possession. He also explained of a gig that fucked up in the earliest line-up of BATHORY before he became a one-man band for two Lps - the reason why that gig wasn’t possible to set up was cos of the extreme stage-show they were supposed to have then. Things for example sacrifice a lamb…that’s NOT how he talking now at all. He became for a while so totally against satanism, black magic and so on to change AGAIN to “nothing is wrong with satanism, black art, the evil etc. but what I hate is the satanists”…more amazing than ever I think! He’s a fuckhead and he’s too much of a superstar and he can’t talk to normal people cos he’s far too fucking famous for that! Haven’t seen any likely case of wimpism before! WOE! And he dind’t like the the sacrificed guinea pig head impaled on an upside-down cross with nailed eyes that I thought smelled so nice…

AND NOW ON SOME QUOTES BY DEAD WHICH HE MADE IN NYAR’S PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE. READ THIS DUDES…

“What I prefer in movies is when they’re underground produced (like Evil Dead I and BadTaste…) or the classical HORROR sort-not "gore” but ESPECIALLY snuff, thought I haven’t seen many snuff movies. It’s hard to know what is snuff in those movies cos usually not the whole movie is snuff…have you seen Cannibal Ferox (it’s got about 20 other titles and it was banned in 32 countries!), it’s got 20 minutes of snuff in it. One of the most STUPID things I’ve seen on TV, it was a movie review on a Swedish TV (a long time ago), and they talked about how horrible and awful some movies can be to see and later they show the movies they suggested everybody not to see, like for example Cannibal Ferox… It’s hard to imagine such brainless dudes having something like that, but anyway the movie clips they showed there were great, hehe. I like to research in how one reacts when watching real deaths, or preferably real corpses (not on video but for real). A friend of mine who works in a morgue has told me that those who use to work with preparing autopsies, after a long day’s or night’s work have to"return to reality" before they just can walk out from there to go home or anywhere…the smell of rotting bodies uses the affect really different on people really. I’ve heard that of when there are new nurses to a hospital they got checked out in if they can stand the smell and the sight of dead humans by calling them down to the morgue floor (but not yet in there) where it’s always that smell, even if it’s not so strong, just can be noticed. And those who get pale and look like they’ll vomit at any minute are told to leave that, the others may be “qualified” for working in there" 

“There was one thing about censorship that I liked, I was at a friends place, when he actually should be in school (that dude was by the way the bassist in early MORBID and this was more than 4 years ago), when some teacher from school rang him and told him they needed pupils to watch some gory censored clips cos there was only one guy from that school and we joined that thing, we were 3 guys and 10 girls…what was great was the really gory clips with the most perverted and sadistic things. Sadistic murders, sadistic porno, kinky shit and lesbian stuff, the chicks in there really looked funny…”

[hangovercurse]

The Things We Can’t Tell Pete About

Pete invites you to meet his friends from The Dirt and makes you promise not to flirt with any of them, which is a lot easier said than done, especially when Colson Baker acts like that.

Request: “Hey so I love all your writing and I just thought you should know that! But also I’d your requests are on still would you mind writing a youre Pete’s little sister but kells got a crush xx”

Colson x reader

Warnings: Drug use, Cursing

A/N: I know, Dom (Yungblud) wrote the song, but also I am the writer and I say that Y/N wrote it :) Anyways, enjoy. This is only part 1 of what is probably going to be a fun, cute lil series. Also thank you to the anon who sent this! You made my day(s)

Word Count: 2411

| ii | iii | iv | v |

masterlist

New York was lonely without your brother. He had been filming in New Orleans for the past three months, leaving you alone. You had some friends, but Pete was your best friend. You were only eight months younger than him and practically attached at the hip. You supposed going through trauma together would do that to people.

He facetimed you all the time from set, updating you on things in his life, showing you cool stuff from the set, and introducing you to his castmates. You had kept him updated on your music, playing him demos of songs you were writing and getting his opinion on them.

Him being away wasn’t the worst thing in the world, but it definitely sucked for you. So, when Pete texted you that he was having a few friends from the movie over the night he got back, you were ecstatic.

Before you left your apartment to walk to his, he texted you.

You’re not allowed to flirt with any of my friends

You rolled your eyes as you locked your door, preparing a response.

I’ll try my best

Your phone buzzed seconds later.

I’m serious. I don’t trust any of them with you.

And I don’t need that kind of awkwardness in my life

Like if you date one of my friends and it goes badly

I don’t wanna deal with that shit

You chuckled at his chain of texts.

Don’t flirt with your friends because they’re dicks, got it

Don’t worry bro, I know the sibling code

 You came to find out that that was a lot easier said than done. When you walked into his place, everyone in the room turned to look at you. You recognized most of them from your facetimes with Pete, but you doubted they remembered who you were. One who did remember you was Colson, Pete’s new best friend. He made eye contact with you from across the room, a sly grin on his lips. You sent him a small smile, Pete’s text running through your head briefly.

You found your brother lounging on the couch, a huge grin on his face. He was definitely tripping on mushrooms. “Y/N!” He yelled. “This is my baby sister, everyone.”

You rolled your eyes, walking further into the room, grabbing a drink from the cooler, and taking an empty seat on the opposite couch. “I’m less than a year younger than you, Pete.”

You heard a snicker from the one of the guys, looking over to see Colson covering up the smile on his face. “But you’re still younger than me so it counts.”

Everyone went back to their own conversations, which you were thankful for. “Y/N, you remember Colson, right?” Pete motioned to the blond guy.

“Yeah.” You nodded, looking him up and down. His muscle tank exposed the sleeves of tattoos, which seemed to cover every inch of his skin. “Your hair was different, but yeah I remember you.” You opened the beer on the coffee table, taking a swig.

“You’re the musician, right?” He asked you, leaning back onto the couch.

You nodded, “Aspiring musician but, yeah.”

“Oh, she’s great. You should hear her sometime.” Pete butted in, grinning like an idiot at you.

You rolled your eyes but had a smile on your face. “I work primarily as a songwriter and editor right now, but I’m trying to work on putting out some of my own stuff.”

You felt a little intimidated talking to Machine Gun Kelly about music, seeing as he was one of the best in the industry, but he seemed to be genuinely interested in your work. “Well, if you ever want some help or someone to listen to it, I’d be willing.” He flashed a smile, his bright blue eyes sparkling.

“Thanks, that’s really cool of you.” You bit your lip slightly, trying to hide the fact that you were totally breaking Pete’s rule.

Pete sent a glare your way to which you raised your eyebrow. You weren’t really flirting; you were just… making connections. “Anyways,” he cleared his throat, “I’ve been working on this sketch idea, Y/N, and I need your opinion.”

You nodded, letting him talk. “So, I was thinking like, there’s this guy with posters all over his wall. Like life size posters of a bunch of different people. And he falls asleep while doing homework and he dreams about them coming to life. And it plays out like one of those really bad commercials that encourage kids to stay in school and shit. Like the posters are telling him to study for his test, but then there’s this one poster that’s like, very sexy. And she’s just like, talking about hot dogs and everyone else gets really sick of it and one of the other posters tries to like, tear down her poster or something.”

Throughout his description, you got more and more confused. “Pete, that’s not funny that’s just fuckin weird.” His mouth hung open in shock. “Dude, seriously? The big punchline is the playboy poster girl talking about hot dogs until the other poster people get tired of it?”

“Yes.” Pete said, as if it were obvious. “That’s hilarious.” You glanced at Colson with a questioning look on your face. He seemed as unsure of the joke as you were.

“Pete, man, that’s not your best work.” Colson clapped him on the shoulder and you giggled at Pete’s disappointed expression.

“You guys are mean.” He pouted and you two laughed. “Ok, well, how would you make it funny?”

“I don’t know if you can, bro.” Colson’s laugh was contagious. When he laughed his whole body shook, his feet stomping and everything.

“What are the other posters?” You asked, trying to be supportive but knowing this wouldn’t turn out very good.

“Well, I was thinking maybe one is like a video game character. Like that lady from Wreck-It-Ralph. The mean one. And then like a snowboarder who is definitely high, and someone else, I dunno.” He shrugged, taking a hit from the joint in his hand and passing it to you.

“Okay…” You trailed off, looking at Colson for support. You brought the blunt to your lips, inhaling the smoke and bringing it down, letting the smoke leave your mouth slowly. You passed the joint to Colson, who gladly took it, a smirk on his face.

Pete looked between you two at the small interaction, a frown. “So, the posters,” he brought your attention away from the man again, “they’re all really serious about teaching this dude math. But the hotdog girl just keeps talking about hot dogs in like this really high-pitched voice.”

You watched the smoke fall from Colson’s lips, not fully paying attention to your brother.

“Yeah man, I think that sounds funny.” Colson told Pete, his eyes lingering on you for a little longer than they should have. “It could use some work but if anyone can make it funny, it’s you.” Colson punched your brother on the shoulder, but the look he sent you said the exact opposite.

You held in your giggle, taking another sip of your beer.

The rest of the night followed a similar pattern, you and Colson flirting and Pete trying to get in between you two. At one point, after a few more hits of weed and a couple more drinks, Colson brought out a guitar, insisting you play something for him. Where he got the guitar from, you had no idea, but you didn’t ask questions. Instead, you rolled your eyes, insisting that “if I have to play something, so do you.”

Everyone was too caught up in their own conversations to care about the noise, or too drunk. You started strumming, trying to remember the chords to a song you had started writing a few days ago. “There’s no lyrics yet, just a melody I came up with.” You blushed, feeling very self-conscious suddenly.

“Guess I’ll just free style to it then.” He chuckled as you started to strum, your fingers working the strings like they had your whole life.

The blond man closed his eyes, head nodding as you played and thinking of what to rap.

“Watch me, take a good thing and fuck it all up in one night. Catch me, I’m the one on the run away from the headlights.

No sleep, up all week wastin time with people I don’t like. I think, somethin’s fuckin wrong with me.

You smiled as he sang, watching his expressions change as he tried to think up the next line.

Drown myself in alcohol, that shit never helps at all

I might say some stupid things tonight when you pick up this call

I be hearin silence on the other side for way to long, I can taste it on my tongue, I can tell that somethin’s wrong.”

He opened his eyes, looking rather proud of himself. “I had some of those lyrics already, but I just changed ‘em a little. I really liked that.”

You nodded, “That was impressive.” You smiled, looking back down to the guitar when something hit you.

You began to play the same melody but pitched higher to fit your voice.

“Roll me up, and smoke me love

And we could fly into the night

You take drugs, to let go, and figure it all out on your own

Take drugs, on gravestones, to figure it all out on your own.”

You looked up to Colson, watching his expression change, his eyes wide. Pete had a proud look on his face.

“Pete, you are a sucky hype man. You did her no justice.” Colson hit Pete on the arm.

“Whaddya mean, I told you she was great.”

Colson looked over to you, a stupid smile on his face. “Seriously, that was fucking amazing. Like, we gotta write that shit out some day.”

You bit your lip, trying to stop the blush from reaching your cheeks. “Yeah, that’d be cool.” You were trying your best to keep your cool as Colson kept his gaze on you, but you were completely freaking out on the inside.

A little while later, almost everyone was gone except you, Pete, Colson, and Douglas Booth, who joined your conversation not long after your jam session. Pete let out a yawn, directing your attention to the time.

“Jesus, it’s already 4am?” You asked, a frown on your face.

“Why, you got somewhere to be, darling?” Douglas asked you, your face scrunching up from the nickname.

“I have a writing session at 11 am tomorrow. Or, today, I guess.”

Pete reached out to hit you in the head, playfully, which you dodged. “Go to bed, dummy.”

You shrugged, “I’m gonna be dead at it anyways, might as well keep the party going a little longer.”

Douglas rolled his eyes, patting your shoulder. “Be that as it may, I am ending this party and going home. Goodnight, guys. It was nice meeting you again, Y/N. Good to see you guys.” Douglas and the guys did that little hand slap and hug thing before he left.

“I love you both, but I will also be going to sleep. And you should too.” Pete stood up, stretching his arms out before giving Colson a fist bump and leaving to his bedroom.

Once your older brother left, Colson moved to the couch you were on, his arm falling over your shoulders. You looked up at him, raising an eyebrow. “And how can I help you Mr. Kelly?”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “I’m assuming Pete gave us both very similar talking to’s, given the glares you’ve been receiving all night.”

“You mean the “don’t flirt with my friends” talking to or the other one?” You tilted your head, a sly look on your face.

“That’s the one.” Colson laughed through his nose, an adorable smile on his face. You were both considerably high, but you still knew exactly what you were doing.

You moved closer to Colson’s body, “Well then I guess we’d better not do this.” You said quietly, leaning into him. “Or this,” You grabbed his jaw, inches from his face.

“Or this?” He whispered, connecting your lips. You smiled into the kiss, tasting the weed on his tongue. You adjusted your body so you were facing him, his arm that was once around your shoulder now wrapped around your waist.

His other hand grabbed your leg, pulling you up so you were straddling his lap, and your arms wrapped around his neck. His lips seemed to fit perfectly around yours, and you did all you could to keep yourself from moaning into the kiss as his hand began to travel up your leg.

Realization hit you like a brick wall, and you pulled away, your breathing heavy. “Sorry,” you muttered after a few seconds. You climbed off his lap, smoothing out your shirt. “We shouldn’t do that. I shouldn’t have done that.” You smiled awkwardly down at him.

He nodded, the same realization hitting him. “Yeah, that’s not the best idea. Sorry I wasn’t really thinking.”

You shook your head, cheeks still very red. “No, no, no don’t apologize. It was fine, it’s all fine.”

He nodded, looking down awkwardly. “I should get going.” He stood up, landing a little too close to you.

“Why don’t you just sleep here? Pete won’t mind and it’s a lot easier than going home.” You bit your lip awkwardly, taking a few steps back.

Colson scratched the back of his neck. This was a very different demeanor than he had before, and you found it very cute. “Are you sure?”

You nod. “I’ll get you some blankets and pillows.” You moved towards the guest bedroom, a guilty smile on your face. You moved your hand to your lips, feeling where Colson’s lips had graced you minutes before.

You came back to find Colson laying on the couch, one hand behind his head. “We don’t have to tell Pete about that, right?”

You shook your head, a small smile still playing on your lips. You put the pillow behind his head, watching his eyes as he watched your lips. “Stop looking at me like that or I’ll do something else we can’t tell Pete about.” You said quietly, watching him grin. You pulled the blanket over him, leaning down to be level with his face.

“I kind of like the things we can’t tell Pete about.” Colson chuckled, leaning forward to connect your lips again.

[taetaespeaches]

“I never would’ve thought Agust D would be so soft after sex.”

yoongi x reader (or oc) genre: smut; fluff word count: 3.1K

a/n: ok, so, Kid is ready to give Yoon that good good just after hearing like half the mixtape, our girl hasn’t even seen the damn mv yet guys, like, she’s ready to pounce after just seven songs from her man. And honestly, mood. I hope you lovelies enjoy this, I hope it lives up to your expectations lmao, and thank you for reading :))

YOU paced back and forth from one end of your kitchen to the other as you waited for Yoongi to answer his damn phone. I mean, seriously, how long does it take to pick up the-

“Hello?” Yoongi’s low voice interrupted your thoughts through the phone’s speaker.

Gasping, you eagerly asked, “Can I start listening?” omitting a proper greeting.

“Oh hey, I’m fine, how are you?” He teased.

You rolled your eyes, fully aware he couldn’t see you. “You’re expecting a lot of self-control from me right now, Min,” you complained.

Yoongi allowed himself to chuckle before responding with a humored, “if you want, you can listen, Kid.”

You squealed in excitement, bouncing around in front of the oven. “You’re sure? I don’t have to wait for you or anything?”

“Nah, I’m almost there anyway,” he told you, and you could tell by the tone of his voice he was grinning. “Just no music video yet,” he said in a whiny tone which you knew must be accompanied with a pout. He enjoyed watching your reaction to his music videos.

“No music video, I promise,” you smiled, absolutely fond of the man. “Oh my god, I’m not ready for this am I?” You yelled out, Yoongi scoffing in response.

“Jesus, you’re ridiculous,” he groaned.

“Shush, I’m hanging up, I have a long-awaited mixtape to listen to, thank you very much.”

“Ok fine, fine,” he laughed, but before you could hang up, Yoongi added, “Hey, Kid?” You hummed in response. “Love you.”

You’ve heard the words a million times, but it never failed to make your heart pound. However, that didn’t stop you from teasing him a bit. “Yeah, yeah, love you, I gotta go, priorities, baby. I don’t know if you’ve heard but the Agust D just made a comeback.”

He chuckled into the phone once more before giving you a, “See you in a bit,” and then hung up.

Immediately, you were pressing play on the mixtape on Spotify, already having had it pulled up for five minutes.

The first song, ‘Moonlight’, started off soft before scratching records came in, and then your boyfriend’s voice. When he gave his iconic laugh with an “August D” you smiled in pride. That’s my honey boy.

You turned your attention to the meal you were preparing for you and Yoongi, one of his favorites, stirring the contents in a big pot on the stovetop. Bopping along to the music, you listened to the lyrics that talked about his story, starting in Daegu to flying high with his group, how he goes through feelings of confidence in his work to feeling untalented, the struggles of writing this exact mixtape due to the pressure from a larger audience, expectations, and self-doubt. You knew those struggles all too well. You were with him throughout it all.

You’d been given glimpses of the songs throughout the writing process, some tracks in full while others you only saw lyric scribblings on those yellow notepads he leaves around his studio and that littered your apartment. You first saw the chorus to ‘Moonlight’ written on one of those notepads that sat on your bedside table.

“I like this,” you told your boyfriend, holding the notepad in one hand as the other found its way in his dampened hair, his face resting against your bare chest.

“Huh?” He looked up at you, his hand gripping your waist as his eyelids fluttered. The sheets were in disarray around your still nude forms. “Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah, is it for D-2?”

“Maybe,” he told you with a yawn. “Not sure.”

“I think you should use it,” you told him, your finger outlining the shell of his ear as his lips curved into a lazy smile. “It’s beautiful.”

“You really think so?” He asked, uncertain and a bit more awake.

“Yeah, definitely.”

He kissed the center of your chest before nuzzling his face further against your breasts. “You always know best, Kid.”

You felt your eyes prick with tears as you listened to the song, feeling immensely proud of your boyfriend. Of how hard he worked, of overcoming the doubt and fear, and just simply for the talent, passion, and artistry he shared with so many people.

As the mixtape played, you went through phases of dancing around, squealing in excitement, gasping at lyrics and phrasing, and more bouncing and dancing. You tried your best to focus on the lyrics, though you knew it would take a few listens to catch them all as you were too excited to comprehend everything just then.

Completely invested in the music, you didn’t hear your front door open, unaware of your boyfriend’s presence until he appeared in your peripheral, catching you doing a little strut that resembled Yoongi’s swagger walk he did on stage. Your head snapping to him, you were met with his gummy grin, his shoulders shaking in laughter as ‘Burn It’ continued to play throughout the kitchen.

“Are you leaving me for Agust D yet?” He teased, walking toward you.

“Do you realize how sexy you are? Like do you have any idea?” You asked accusatorily. “Like what the fuck, dude?”

“Jesus,” he huffed, a smile still plastered on his face. “You’re actually ridiculous.”

“Yeah, and you’re ridiculously talented, Min. You’re not told that enough,” you told him seriously. Reaching you, he placed his hands on your hips as you wrapped your arms around the back of his neck, stepping further into his arms.

“I’m told that plenty,” he dismissed with a bashful grin.

“No, you’re not,” you told him as ‘Burn It’ continued to play. Instead of responding to you, he kissed you which you immediately deepened, Yoongi stepping back a bit by the unexpected force behind your actions, though his arms wrapped tighter around your waist so your body was flush with his.

Pulling away, he chased your lips, making you smile. “I don’t even have the words right now to tell you how proud I am of you,” you told him seriously, tears forming in your eyes. You watched as Yoongi took a deep breath, keeping his own emotions under control at your sincere confession. “Just know I’m really proud,” you said as tears threatened to fall.

He quickly nodded just before bringing a hand to your jaw as he caught your lips again, giving you several quick pecks as he composed himself.

Letting out a breath that sounded to be one of relief, Yoongi peered around your frame, inspecting the food cooking on the stove, as well as the food that had spilled outside of the pot, with a grin. “That looks good.”

“Hopefully,” you said with a smile as Yoongi nuzzled his face against your neck, refusing to let you go. With the overwhelming pride and love you felt, mixed with the fact that the man on the mixtape was all yours, and he was standing in your kitchen, in your arms, pressing sweet kisses to your neck, you had a sudden desire for him.

As ‘People’ started playing, you were instantly struck with the memory of coming to his studio as he was working on that very track. It was just the instrumental then, but it was interesting and different from the other stuff he had been working on. Yoongi must have been thinking upon the same memory as he lifted his head, a gummy grin directed to you as his eyes found yours.

“I remember the night you wrote this,” you smiled, biting your lower lip. That night, you had spent about an hour of it sitting on his desk as Yoongi sat in his chair in front of you, his chin resting on your knees as you both discussed your ideas of life, and people, and changes, and what it all meant, if it even meant anything.  

You had already been dating for well over a year, but it was a moment where you and Yoongi felt a closeness between you both that hadn’t really been there before, becoming more mentally and emotionally attune with each other.

The conversation eventually faded out, the intense feeling of understanding between you both leading to you having sex on his studio couch.

“Trust me, I remember it very well,” he chuckled, his mind running through every moment of that night, from the feeling of closeness, to the warmth of your body underneath his as he pressed you against the couch cushions, the way you moaned his name and whispered ‘I love you’s’.

As the chorus of ‘People’ sounded from your laptop, your eyes widened at the sultry soothe of your boyfriend’s vocals.

“Since when do you sing like that, Min?” You teased with a smile, your eyes bouncing around his soft features. As he let out a breathy chuckle, you slid your your hands down his neck to rest overtop his collarbones as you leaned toward him and kissed him deeply.

The action took him by surprise though he easily found his rhythm, his hands slipping underneath your shirt, feeling at the bare skin of your waist.

As you began backing up, he quickly felt around to shut the stove off before following you toward the bedroom, never breaking the kiss. Your hands found his waist as his moved to your face, taking control. You began lifting his shirt up, you both separating just long enough for you to pull it over his head and discard it somewhere in the hallway outside your room.

Eagerly, you unbuttoned his jeans, Yoongi helping you get the clothing off him as he released his hold on you to step out of them. Backing up, your legs hit the edge of the bed and you locked your eyes with your boyfriend’s. Smirking at him, you pulled your own shirt off before unhooking your bra and letting it fall to the floor at your feet.

Yoongi bit his lip, his eyes settling on your chest before slowly dragging them back up to meet your darkened gaze. Tilting his head at you, you quipped, “What are you waiting for?” Yoongi scoffed before approaching you and pushing your body so you fell against the mattress. He reached for the waist of your jeans, taking no time in unzipping them and tugging them down your legs, you lifting your hips to help him. Your panties were removed next, Yoongi dropping them to floor as he allowed his eyes to rake over your body, taking in every inch of you.

You sat up on your elbows, watching the man as he looked over your nude form. “For a man who brags an awful lot about being a king and a boss, you seem a bit timid, baby,” you teased in a sultry tone.

Your boyfriend scoffed again, a smirk forming on his lips. “Be patient,” he scolded, though he stepped toward you, nudging your inner knee with his leg, making you widen the gap between your thighs as he stared down at your center.

“My patience disappeared the moment I clicked play on that mixtape,” you smiled. “I want you.” With that, you sat up, your hands slipping underneath the waistband of his underwear, lowering them until they easily slid down his legs, pooling at his feet. You kept eye contact with him as you left a sweet kiss to his lower abdomen, just above his pelvic area.

He let out a quick breath as he smiled, lowering his body on top of yours, your back meeting the mattress. “If I had known Agust D would get you this worked up I would have released a mixtape two years ago,” he joked, your hands grabbing onto his sides as his lips found yours, kissing you passionately.

One of his arms was being used to prop himself up overtop you as his opposite hand slid down to your core, his fingers feeling between your legs. He groaned into your mouth at feeling how wet you’d become, and you smiled against his lips.

Not wanting to wait any longer, you used your strength to push against his body, rolling him over and straddling his hips. Yoongi’s breath was heavy and shallow as he anticipated being inside you, his large hands gripping your hips, his eyes eagerly taking in the sight of your form on top of him. He always did love you on top.

Placing one of your hands to his chest, your other found his hardened length. You stroked him a few times, Yoongi letting out a soft moan at the feeling, his hand sliding up your abdomen to your breast as he squeezed the supple flesh in his palm. At his touch, you guided him to your entrance, sharply intaking breath at the feeling of him slipping inside, letting the air out in a throaty moan.

“Fuck, Kid,” Yoongi breathed out, pinching your nipple between his fingers as you moved your hand from his dick to his chest, bracing yourself against him as you began slowly grinding atop him. Yoongi’s hand left your breast to your thigh, clutching the muscle as he bit his lip, watching your body move. “You’re so fucking hot.”

You held back a moan as you increased your pace, looking up to the ceiling before squeezing your eyes shut as he hit particularly deep. “Fuck,” you breathed out, lowering your gaze to Yoongi’s face, meeting his hooded eyes as he looked up at you in bliss.

His chest was like velvet underneath your hands and you wanted to feel more of his skin on yours. As if reading your mind, Yoongi moved his hands to your lower back, pulling you toward him so your chest was flush with his. He kissed you messily as he lifted his hips off the bed to move in and out of you as he held you to his body.

“I love you so much,” he confessed shakily against your lips, his breathing erratic due to the pleasure you were giving him.

“Oh my god, Yoongi, I love you,” you moaned, moving your face to his neck where you kissed and nibbled his skin lightly.

Wanting to treat him, you reluctantly pulled yourself away from him, sitting back up as you rocked back and forth on him, arching your back and placing a hand to his thigh to support yourself. Yoongi’s hands grabbed onto the sides of your legs as he watched you, looking more and more fucked out the longer you rode him.

Eyeing his thin but toned body, his smooth skin, and the flex of his abdomen as he took sharp breaths, you groaned. “You look so good,” you told him, admiring the man beneath you. Your man. All yours. “Feel so good,” you moaned.

One of Yoongi’s hands left your leg to find your hand that was pressed against his lower abdomen. He took your hand in his, intertwining his fingers with yours before bringing it to his lips and kissing your knuckles softly as he locked his gaze on yours.

The intimate action had your lower abdomen tightening. Sitting up straight, you brought your hand toward him which he grabbed with his other hand, helping you to support yourself as your motions atop him became hastier, approaching your high.

“Yoon, I’m gonna-”

“I know, baby,” he nodded, squeezing your hands as you neared your climax. “Me too.”

You let out a whimper, lowering your body to Yoongi’s again, your dewy chest meeting his, Yoongi wrapping his arms around your lower back as you both worked each other into your finishes. Yoongi buried his face in your neck as he let out small muffled grunts, you breathing out a moan in his ear. As he came, he hugged your body to his tightly, letting go inside you. The feeling of him releasing had you crashing into your own high, biting your lip as you moaned breathily, Yoongi kissing your neck sweetly as you came down.

You relaxed atop Yoongi, breathing heavy as his fingers toyed with the small of your back, soothing back and forth along the curve of your ass. You had a hand on his neck, slipping your fingers into his damp strands, your other hand on his chest, dragging your fingers along his pectoral.

“The mixtape is really good,” you assured him in a whisper, kissing his jaw. “Well, what I’ve heard so far.”

Yoongi let out a breathy chuckle, flattening a palm on your lower back. “Thank you, Kid.”

“No need to thank me, I’m just being honest.”

“No, thank you for always supporting me. In everything,” he clarified, emotion thick in his voice.

You lifted your head to peer at his face, catching the glassy shine in his eyes. “Always,” you assured him.

He nodded, looking at you with a soft smile. “I know,” he whispered, barely audible, giving away that he didn’t trust his voice, knowing it would break if he spoke louder. “It means- you mean the world.”

You lowered your lips to his face, giving his plush cheek a small kiss. “I never would’ve thought Agust D would be so soft after sex,” you teased with a big smile, Yoongi scoffing, though he couldn’t hold back his gummy grin.

He groaned loudly, stretching his arms over his head. “I’m starving,” he changed the topic, making you giggle.

“Well, lucky for you, your girlfriend made you a delicious nearly cooked meal that is probably very cold at this point,” you smirked.  

“Oh, lucky for me?” He questioned with a small smile.

“Mhmm,” you confirmed with a small chuckle.

Yoongi sucked air between his teeth, ticking his head to the side. “Remind me to wife you up later.”

You scoffed playfully, rolling off his body as you prepared to stand up and find some clothes. “In your dreams, Min.”

Scooping your t-shirt off the floor, you slipped it over your head before grabbing a pair of panties from your dresser drawer, all while Yoongi’s eyes followed your every move. Sending your boyfriend an air kiss from where he sat at the edge of the bed watching you, you walked toward the bedroom door. “Hurry up and get dressed, Gramps, I need your album commentary.”

You exited the room, turning toward the bathroom to clean yourself up. Yoongi shook his head with a chuckle. “Yeah, in my dreams,” he mumbled as he stood up to get dressed. Taking his sweet ass time, you walked back past the bedroom toward the kitchen, noticing him still stumbling around for a shirt.

“Hey, hustle, Min! I still have a music video to watch, my dude!” You called out to him as he looked to you with widened eyes. “Your shirt is out here, by the way.”

“Ah, what did I tell you about patience,” he whined out, a pout on his lips as he walked through the hallway, grabbing his shirt on his way, feeling full of appreciation and adoration for you.  

[eremiie]

charm I was stalking your Spotify and I must say you’ve got some sexy music taste girly 🤨 now I want to know what artists/music type the aot characters have

aot characters music taste

oooof this might not be accurate bc this is gonna be based off the artists i’ve listened to, but here we go

eren listens to fucking everythinggg, his music taste really wasn’t diverse at all in middle school but once he got to highschool ole dude was listening to everything from r&b to indie musicc, throw some metal in there, all of that. honorable artist mentions; the nbhd, chase atlantic, the weeknd, and j. cole

levi doesn’t listen to music much but when he does i think it’s more like beats opposed to lyrical music?? also he’s a radio person, he’ll find a tolerable station when he’s in the car and tune it for as long as he can bare, no honorable mentions from me :/

jean also has a diverse music taste, quite similar to eren’s... i’d say he listens to like popular music, pop, indie, r&b, shiiit if he likes it it’ll go in his playlist. honorable mentions; doja cat. jean listens to doja and acts like he doens’t know the lyrics when he’s around “the boys”, arctic monkeys, sonder, kendrick lamar

armin listens to a lot of calming stuff. i see him listening to lofi beats more often than not because it helps him focus and relaxes him. like you walk into his apartment and lofi is playing on his speaker. i see him listening to a lot of indie music, lots of singers and like,,, pop. throw in some classical music and a few musical songs and boom. armin. honorable mentions; pheobe bridgers, the steven universe soundtrack, rex orange county, dodie, and vacations

connie listens to a lot of rap, hip hop, r&b, trap music, pop, i mean if he can fuck up a verse he’s onnn itttt, he also knows a lot of old songs, like i mean catch him singing michael jackson at 3am or fucking kesha. honorable mentions; comethazine, cdot honcho, playboi carti, lil uzi vert, and i can see him listening to willow smith too for some reason, anddd eyedress

reiner listens to um.... LMFAOOO IDK??? guitar music idfk, he listens to whatever you put on and he always asks you to plug up to the aux sooo he doesn’t really have his own music taste. he barely listens to music he just bops his head to whatever is playing and says it’s good.

porco uhhhh, what do greasers listen to? jk jk, he listens to a lot of old tunes, ummm some metal, umm, I DONT KNOW!!!! i do have a strong belief this man can belt out more than enough megan thee songs though. not sure why.

colt listens to baby music for falco, he hums them more often than not because they’re stuck in his head. /hj

z*ke listens to country music and fucking... boyfriend bdsm audios in the car. (can you tell i don’t know what to put for the warriors <3)

mikasa listens to mitski <333. it’s her staple, she takes a lot of her taste after armin, some SZA here and there, clairo, she just really likes finding nice new music you know? that is when she listens to music, she’ll be listening with armin and add songs she likes here and there

sasha listens to like a lot of shit omg, lots of pop music, she listens to musicals, country music from when she used to live on the farm, k-pop and j-pop, ethnic music here and there, and even some dubstep lmao, honorable mentions; mother mother, she used to watch pink guy’s videos so ofc she listens to joji now, BTS, and paramore

hange listens to like everything too. she’s a nuisance with her music if you ask levi. anyway, take every artist and music genre i previously mentioned and paste it here. that’s hange’s music taste. fucking everything, if she likes the way it sounds in her ear it’s going in her playlist.

historia listens to um... a lot of pop music <3. taylor swift, ariana grande, lana del rey, adele and stuff— you go hisu!!

hitch listens to whatever makes her feel good, which happens to be artists like nicki minaj, ariana grande, doja cat, fucking FLO MILLI!!! kali uchis, ari lennox, i mean

annie listens to ??? i don’t know. she’s another person who just listens to whatever is on and other than that she doesn’t listen to much

pieck’s music taste kind of reminds me of min’s too, some lofi beats but usually when she’s studying, some jazz, she listens to white noise like rain, artists like vacations, current joys, mitski, etc.

yelena... don’t even ask me<3.

[lallyloo]

Jealousy

(So @imincognitohere and I were talking about EB recs, and porn, and how Link’s entire porn collection would consist of a dark haired guy with glasses and a John Mayer lookalike. Then we imagined Rhett finding Link’s JM porn collection and crying, and then just railing Link. And now we’re here.)

*

He’s not really supposed to be on Link’s laptop, but Link’s running behind and Rhett really needs the May 2022 Ear Biscuits schedule now.

He silently curses himself for not keeping the schedule on his own laptop, or even his phone, but Link’s the one who types during planning sessions and they’re always together, so it’s never mattered before.

But today Link’s stuck in traffic on the way to the creative house, and Stevie’s trying to book their first guest in nearly two years, and Rhett needs the info now.

And they have each other’s passwords for this very reason.

So Rhett waits for the sign-in screen to appear, and he types Link’s password.

RaisinCRUNCH1984!

And he’s in.

 The desktop is just a line of neatly organized folders against a backdrop of some douche playing guitar.

Rhett stares at the douche for a second.

He knows his name is John Mayer.

But in Rhett’s mind he’s just ‘douche’.

Link’s crazy about his music but Rhett’s not, and the guy seems like a tool anyway.

And why does Link need him on his desktop? Why not Christy? Or the kids? Or hell, why not him and Rhett? Would that be too much? No.

And sure, Rhett’s desktop is a silhouetted photo of himself in Death Valley, but that’s neither here nor there. It was a great trip, and it’s a great photo, and it’s not just some random musician guy.

Rhett tears his gaze away from the background and scans the labels on the desktop folders, stopping when his eyes hit one called ‘May’. It seems to be the most obvious choice, likely full of schedule info, brainstorming, personal appointment times, etc.

To Rhett’s surprise, the files inside seem to have much more random names than the desktop folders.

It doesn’t seem like Link at all, and Rhett is a bit flummoxed as he reads down the list of random letters and numbers jumbled together.

He settles on a file called 324_eB_32_MMdrmfanta.

He’s in such a hurry he doesn’t pay attention to the file type, and Rhett realizes it’s a mistake as soon as he clicks it.

It’s not a list of dates or information. It’s not a schedule.

It’s a video.

And it looks like porn.

There’s a room. An office maybe? The camera pans and there’s a desk and a chair and a window.. and a bed. Yep, it’s porn.

The camera pans to socked feet, and up bare legs, over a little red speedo, to a bare chest, up to the face of someone who looks a bit like a younger Link.

Dark hair, blue eyes, glasses.

There’s a knocking sound in the video, someone at the door, and Rhett is curious to see who might walk in. It’ll be a blonde woman, he assumes. A Christy lookalike.

“Link you dirty dog..”

He’s invested now, curious to see what kind of fantasies Link is into. He knows Link and Christy’s relationship has its ups and downs, and Link’s blue balls have been an ongoing joke for years, and maybe he’s invading their privacy a bit by watching this video.. But it’s not actually Link and Christy. It’s just porn. Just a fantasy Link has. And they’ve talked about fantasies before. Hell, Rhett told him about the first time he ever jerked off. Watching a little porn video is nothing.

The guy with the glasses heads for the door and Rhett is enraptured as the scene unfolds – slipping off the chain lock, a hand on the doorknob, turning it slowly. Rhett wonders what the woman’s going to be wearing. What she’s going to say. What they’re going to do. How they’re going to fuck.

On screen, the door opens and Rhett pulls back a bit, surprised, when he realizes there’s a man on the other side of it. Another brunette, with longer hair – not as long as Rhett’s, but longer than Link’s. And flowy. The guy’s kinda pretty.

Huh. Maybe it’s a threesome video? Two guys and a girl? The guy with the glasses looks surprised but pleased, and Rhett stares at the screen, wondering when the girl will show up.

The other guy says something Rhett doesn’t register, and then he steps into the room, wraps the glasses guy up in his arms, and shoves his tongue down his throat.

The unmistakable sound of a porn sax overdub echoes through Link’s office, and Rhett pulls himself out of it. He clicks through the video, skipping ahead, his eyes growing wide as he gets quick glimpses of erections, blow jobs, sloppy kisses, a finger in a butthole, AND IS THAT HIS TONGUE?? And fucking, so much fucking, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Rhett skips to the end to see the long-haired guy trailing his tongue over the glasses guy’s dick, licking up every messy drop of cum.

And. Oh.

The girl never showed up.

Rhett closes the video.

So Link watches porn. Gay porn.

And he’s never told him.

Rhett can’t help but feel a little confused. And a little jealous.

Why hasn’t Link told him? Why haven’t they talked about it?

Does Link like guys?

Rhett’s never been into guys. Not once, like ever.

Well, sure, he’s thought about Link once in awhile. What it might be like to touch him. Kiss him. Maybe more.

But that doesn’t count. Because it’s Link.

It’s Link!

Rhett’s not into guys. Link doesn’t count.

And if Link is into guys he clearly doesn’t want to tell Rhett yet. And that’s fine.

Isn’t it?

Rhett is a little hurt, but he’s alright with letting Link tell him in his own time. That’s what best friends are for. They’re cool and they’re understanding and they’re patient. And Rhett is all of those things.

He closes the folder, and his eyes fall to the desktop again.

To that douche.

With the familiar face.

Why does he suddenly seem so familiar?

Rhett stares at him for a moment and his blood runs cold.

The video.

The guy at the door with the stupid floppy hair.

Rhett quickly opens the folder again, choosing another file at random.

Cheesy porn music starts and Rhett watches another slightly geeky dark-haired guy with glasses flirt with a dark-haired flop. Rhett skips ahead quickly. There are blowjobs, and the flop is lifting the cute geeky guy, kissing him, spreading his cheeks as the glasses guy gasps–

Rhett closes that video, and clicks another one, and moans fill Link’s office as the video starts right in the middle of a fucking scene. Two guys. Another cute eyeglassed guy with dark hair, and some long-haired jerk. As Rhett watches, he catches sight of a guitar in the background and his face burns hot.

“Rhett?”

Rhett fumbles with the laptop, slamming it closed, but the video keeps playing and the moans of two guys echo through the room as Rhett turns towards the door.

“Link!”

Link looks furious.

“Dude, what’re you doing??”

“I was just looking for– ”

“You’re snooping on my laptop??” Link pushes past him and opens his computer, typing in his password.

“No! I wasn’t! I was just– ”

Link clicks the little x in the top corner of the video and the room falls quiet as he turns back to Rhett.

“That’s my private stuff.”

“I was looking for the Ear Biscuits schedule!”

“And you thought you’d just watch some of my porn while you were in there?”

“It said May! I thought it meant the month!”

“Well it doesn’t mean that!”

“I know that now!”

Link looks at him for a moment and then rolls his eyes. “It’s a stupid name. I’ll.. rename it.. and hide it, I guess.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“What if you need somethin’ else in the future?”

“Well I’ll know not to look in the John Mayer folder.”

Link makes a sound, something akin to a squawk. “What??”

“That’s what it is, right?”

“It’s– I mean, it’s..” Link stutters, unable to look at him. “NO.”

“Oh, come on.”

“It’s not.”

Rhett gestures to the laptop, which still sits open on the desk. “You’re tellin’ me all those dudes with the long hair don’t make you think of… him?”

Link doesn’t answer the question, he just frowns. “I should’a called it something else.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. PORN maybe?? THIS IS MY PORN RHETT DON’T LOOK AT IT?? Does it need to be that obvious?”

Rhett can’t help but laugh, “That wouldn’t help at all. You know it’d only make me more curious.”

“True.” Link says, and he’s smiling now at least. “So fine, I’ll call it something you won’t care about.”

“Like what?”

“Well I’m not gonna tell you, ya dummy.”

Rhett raises his hands in defeat, “fine, fine.”

The room is quiet for a moment as they look at each other, and Rhett can’t help it when his gaze moves from Link’s face down to the idiot on the screen.

He’s so smug. So full of himself. He writes stupid lyrics and people just swoon over him. Link swoons over him.

But Rhett writes lyrics too. And he sings. What’s wrong with his songs?

“What’s John Mayer got that I ain’t got?”

Link’s eyes nearly bug out of his head. “WHAT?”

“I didn’t even know you liked guys,” Rhett says quietly, “and now you’re into HIM of all people.”

“What’s wrong with HIM?”

“Well, for starters, he’s a– ” Rhett stops himself from calling the guy a name. Yeah he’s a stupid dumb idiot who steals the affection of certain best friends, but Rhett doesn’t need to say that to Link. He doesn’t need to make him more upset. “He’s not.. ”

“I know you think he’s not cool,” Link rolls his eyes again. “I don’t care.”

“It’s not that.”

“Well what is it??”

“He’s not.. me.” Rhett can feel his face start to burn the moment the words are out of his mouth. It’s stupid. He’s stupid. What is this? What’s he even doing?

“Not you??” Link laughs. “Dude, don’t tell me you’re jealous of John Mayer now too.”

“Well, I wasn’t,” Rhett says, and Link shoots him a skeptical look. “I mean, maybe just a bit. But now...”

“Now what?”

“After I saw those videos..” Rhett chokes out. “Link, why’re you thinkin’ about him and not me?”

“Rhett, you’re not into guys!”

“And you are??” Rhett can’t seem to help the hysterical tone in his voice.

“Well, yeah, man.”

“Since when??”

“Since.. always, I think.”

“What about Christy?”

“Christy knows,” Link shrugs, “she’s okay with it.”

“Oh.”

Rhett thinks of his own wife and how she’d react if it were him.

Lately Jessie’s been more open-minded than anyone, more willing to learn and explore and grow. Would she be okay if he were.. if he liked..

And he already knows the answer – has heard her say a hundred times, a hundred ways, ‘we’re not who we used to be.. so whatever that means for you and Link, that’s fine by me. The four of us can figure it out.’

Rhett hadn’t questioned her at the time. Hadn’t realized what she meant.

“So, look, you found my porn,” Link is saying, “but I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do about this whole jealousy thing you’ve got going on. I’m not gonna stop watching it just because your feelings are hurt.”

“But..”

“But what??” Link asks, exasperated.

“I want you to think of me.”

“Look,” Link sighs and takes off his glasses, rubbing a hand over his eyes, “I used to think of you..”

“When??”

Link shrugs. “Awhile ago. Years.”

“Why’d you stop??”

“Rhett, listen, I knew it was never gonna happen with you so I made myself stop.”

“And it’s gonna happen with John Mayer??”

“No,” Link laughs, “it’s just a.. just a stupid fantasy.”

“So let me be your fantasy.” Rhett hates himself the moment it’s out of his mouth – he’s never said anything more embarrassing – and Link just gives him an odd look.

“Dude..”

Rhett cringes, “I know.”

“I’m not gonna fantasize about my straight best friend.”

“But I want..”

“Rhett, WHAT.”

“I’m not into guys,” Rhett tries to explain, feeling like an idiot, “but I’m into you.”

“Well, I’m a guy.”

“I know, but you’re – ”

Link steps forward, and before Rhett can say anything more Link leans in and kisses him. It seems to be a test at first, gentle, and then Link slips his tongue out, pressing against Rhett’s lips, encouraging Rhett to open for him.

And Rhett does. He doesn’t even question it. His brain just screams, yes! Finally! And he’s kissing Link, soft and wet, and an ache shoots through his body, straight to his dick.

When Link pulls away, Rhett’s still got his eyes closed, his head tilted, with a smile plastered to his mouth.

“Did you like that?” Link asks.

“Yeahhh,” Rhett sighs dreamily.

“Then you’re into guys, you dummy. The percentage don’t matter.”

Rhett’s eyes snap open. “Okay, I’m into guys.”

Link looks at him, wide-eyed, and smiles. “So kiss me again then.”

Rhett does, taking hold of Link’s face and kissing him, and he knows he’s supposed to be doing something else. He came in this room for a reason. A file or something.

But none of that matters because he’s kissing Link and Link’s kissing him back, and as Rhett pushes Link up against the desk they bump the cable on Link’s laptop and it beeps to notify them that it’s come unplugged.

“Hold on,” Link mumbles, pulling away to plug the cable back in, and Rhett’s eyes are fixed to the photo on the desktop.

Stupid John Mayer douche.

He’ll never have Link.

“What’re you lookin’ at?”

Rhett glances up to find Link watching him curiously.

“What?”

“You’re staring at my laptop like you wanna murder it.”

“What,” Rhett sputters, “no I’m not.”

“You really are jealous, huh?”

“No.”

“You sure?”

“Link, I’m fine.”

“Guess I’ll just leave it open then,” Link smirks. “Since it’s not botherin’ you.”

Rhett reaches past him and slams the laptop shut. “No.”

Link laughs. “You’re like a jealous girlfriend.”

“Boyfriend.”

“Oh, you’re my boyfriend now?”

“Maybe,” Rhett says, and he’s dying. Literally dying. Link’s never going to let him live this down.

But Link kisses him again and suddenly Rhett doesn’t care. They’re kissing and Link is touching him. Link’s hands move down to unbutton his shirt, so Rhett grabs hold of Link’s shirt and tugs it up and over his head.

“What ones did you watch?”

“What what?”

“The videos, which ones.”

Rhett nearly chokes, looking away, and Link takes him by the chin and pulls his gaze back.

“You can tell me.”

“I don’t know,” Rhett admits, “I just skimmed a few.”

“Well what’d they do in them?”

“Blowjobs,” Rhett says, replaying the scenes in his mind, “lots of fingers everywhere. Fucking.”

“Fucking?”

“Yeah, tons of it.”

Link’s fingers slide down Rhett’s belly, stopping at his belt, and the buckle clinks as Link undoes it. “You wanna act it out?”

“Act it out??” Rhett feels like he might actually scream.

“Yeah.”

“DO I HAVE TO BE JOHN MAYER?”

“No!” Link laughs and shuts him up with another kiss. “Just be you, dummy.”

“You want me to– ” Rhett stammers, speaking against Link’s lips, “Want me to go to the door?”

“The door? Why?”

“To knock? Like in the video?”

Link laughs again, and at least Rhett’s managed that. If nothing else, he can always make Link laugh.

“You watched the dorm fantasy video?”

“I don’t know.”

“Guy studying? Red speedo?”

“Ohh, yeah, that one.”

“And how’d it end?”

Rhett’s eyes go wide. “Fucking.”

“Right,” Link says, smiling back at him. “So you wanna just skip to that?”

Rhett’s died. He’s a corpse.

But he manages to breathe out, “Yes.”

Link opens a drawer and tosses a bottle of lube on his desk, and he’s saying “come on, come on,” and Rhett’s brain finally returns to him, because if there’s one thing he’s good at it’s using his dick.

He’s not quite sure of the next step because he’s never done THIS. But Link walks him through the lube and the prep, and god, his ass is beautiful, and now Rhett gets to fuck it, and when Link’s hand slips over Rhett’s dick, slicking him up good, Rhett’s knees nearly give out.

Then Link’s turning away, still talking to him, teasing, asking, “You gonna fuck me better than John Mayer would?” and Rhett grips his hips and slides in slow, easing in deep, gasping at how tight Link is around him.

And Link groans,“Oh god.. fuck, you’re in..

And moans, “Rhett, do it.”

And Rhett does.

He fucks the hell out of Link.

Plows him into the desk.

Tries to fuck John Mayer right out of his mind.

Just rails him.

And Link keeps gasping, “Yeah, like that, yeah, Rhett, fuck me like that,” and when he breathes out “better than John Mayer ever could..” Rhett stops and grabs hold of him, turning him around, needing to see him, wanting Link to see who’s fucking him and giving it to him so good.

Link goes easily, seemingly happy about it, and when Link is bare-assed on the desk with his dick in his hand, Rhett hooks his arms under his knees and fucks in again.

“Tell me,” Rhett sputters as he fucks with everything he’s got.

“Tell you what?” Link is looking up at him, dazed, and they both know Link’s teasing.

“Tell me I’m better.”

“Better than who?”

“You know who,” Rhett grits out, and he’s going to come. Soon. Real soon. And he needs to hear it so bad. “HIM.”

“Oh..” Link grins, and his voice catches in his throat as he says, “John Mayer?”

Rhett can only nod, silently begging Link to give him what he needs.

“You’re better,” Link smiles up at him, his breath stuttering, and Rhett can feel him tighten around his cock. “You’re so good, Rhett, fuck, you fuck me better than anyone.”

“Yeah,” Rhett gasps, pulling Link’s knees up higher, fucking in tighter, harder, faster, and he nearly folds Link in half when he leans in to kiss him again.

And Link breathes against Rhett’s mouth, “No one fucks me like you..” and he comes, shooting hot between them, and Rhett groans and stills, coming hard inside Link.

“Fuck, yeah, so much better than him,” Link sighs, “You’re bigger too.”

And Rhett’s pretty sure he passes out.

When he comes to, he’s still holding onto Link, and he lets go slowly, easing his legs down.

“You alright?” Link’s asking, with a little worried expression on his face.

“Yeah,” Rhett says, “was I out long?”

“You were out??” Link sits up quickly, getting a better look at him.

“I think so,” Rhett shrugs, “I dunno. Maybe it was just too good.”

Link laughs, “Dude, stop.”

Rhett stares down at him, looking hurt.

“What, you’re sayin’ it wasn’t good?”

“Rhett– ”

And Rhett knows he’s teasing again, and he knows it was good, but Rhett pushes against his chest anyway, encouraging Link to lie back down on the desk.

And Rhett leans over and licks up every messy drop of cum from Link’s chest, and sucks his dick clean too.

He’s clearly better than John Mayer.

And he definitely likes guys. Especially Link.