#that ot10 was gone

[dreamofbona]

so ludawon didn't leave the group! thank god for that! starship was cruel for letting everyone believe they left for 1.5 weeks, but i'm glad ot10 wjsn is here to stay! maybe now we'll finally get a dawon and yeonjung vocal subunit?

[intoloopin-archive]

A CHAPTER: THE SHARP AND THE BLUNT (PART 1/2).

tw(s): panic attack. dubious consent (haruki is very weird and forward about initiating sex!). alcohol abuse & alcoholism. semi-smut? (there is making out). miscommunication (a warning because I personally think it's constant and frustrating). insinuation and direct discussions of sexual trauma, abuse by a past partner, abuse of workplace power and stalking. internalized homophobia (in part one, a hint). If I missed anything, please tell me! starring: Lee Hanjae. Fukunaga Haruki. featuring: Dylan Hwang / Hwang Chihoon. Their fellow LOOPiN members (old OT10, no Gyujin, a lot of Beomseok). Delilah Franco. Oh Sunyoung. Choi Sangwon. Blonde Bob Piss Girl (a serious character).

timeline: quick flashback to 2018 | early to the end of mid 2022.

word count: 13,405 words. author's notes: welcome everyone to hanruki fuckery part 1 a.k.a the most frustrating and life draining four months in Hanjae's whole entire life a.k.a big sadness, the piece split into two. this one is over 23K long, and was originally intended to be read in one go but! It Got Too Big. The conclusion will be coming out later this week! prepare for a Haruki all in par with the one in the prologue, which falls in between this mess on the timeline. this is a work of a whole month, but it's also a work of two years: a whole central plot, planned and done. title's from this song! give it a listen once you get trought the bigger picture, maybe, for catharsis purposes. stay safe! remember you deserve to be safe, always!

November 12, 2018.

Hanjae had vowed not to cry anymore when he got this job – in the same vehement way he had promised at twelve that he would no longer make a sound if he wailed after school, face buried under piles and piles of unfinished homework, to medium success, just the right amount of it to call it success.

He could still tear up once in a while, if things got though, and that was it; a clause added after his first exhausting week as a trainee. The number escalated to once every two business days after he was shoved to debut on LOOPiN, out of all the upcoming boy groups there were.

There was a story taunting the New Wave Music corridors back then. Someone did something unspeakable to someone else, and it caused an expulsion, followed by the immediate need for a new rapper, a new dancer. And there was Hanjae; a BBC trainee for three months, far removed from the Boy Of The Week gossip, who couldn’t exactly sing but had great enunciation, and had been dancing before he was even walking…

He cried now, openly, defeated. It had been an awful day for LOOPiN 2on1.

Their short lived promotions had played out like a sunset: a big golden start – so much press, so much momentum, so many views on the ‘Baby Don’t Stop’ dance practice video, where he and Haruki were using plain shirts and even plainer jeans – quickly diluting into the darkest of times – the controversies, LOOPiN first ones, and exclusively about them.

A resurrected Facebook photo of Hanjae on his graduation with a bandage around his hand, matched with the lingering traces of his poorly removed tattoo there painted him as a school delinquent; Haruki’s drop out stories reintroduced him as the big drunken failure of KArts’s international program.

They were going to stop going to music shows, the company had decided that day, and Sangwon told them on the drive back that they had just done their last one. They had gone up on stage as a duo for the last last time.

With a strong sniff, Hanjae unburied his face from in between his knees and looked at his hand, at the faint shape of a badly drawn rose on his skin. His dad had been adamant about getting it out the moment he took a look at it, still involved in protective plastic. He used the little money off his college safe to arrange a laser session that Hanjae skipped. A year later, Hanjae managed to schedule another one with the partial sponsor of MBN, the company he was stuck on before BBC. He had to do it in a shady place, at a bigger cost: bad skin scarring.

His mom had been relieved to see it fade even more nonetheless, up until the black tattoo turned into something that almost looked like a peculiar and old scar, if you didn’t give it a second glance; and no one was ever giving Hanjae a second glance.

“Let that be a lesson,” she told him, nose turned up and away from him. “Don’t jump head on into things again, Lee Hanjae. That’s no way to live. Watch yourself, watch your company. You’re not a kid anymore. Do you have no goals? Do you want nothing for yourself? Are you that selfish? Can’t you think, for once, about something that isn’t–”

Haruki was the one who found him, sitting on the floor, small and tense against the laundry machine, waiting for everyone’s clothes to be cleaned – the member’s, Sangwon’s, the cleaning auntie's aprons she had forgotten on top of the dinner table last week. Cleaning was always his scapegoat way of attending to something, even if very small.

Maybe if the company decided to drop him, he thought, Hanjae could still be around as the dorm’s janitor.

“So you’re not from Seoul,” Haruki said, leaning against the door frame with an air of mischief around him, something light on his step despite it all.

It was a statement, not an ask, because he knew this. It was one of the few trivia points they had exchanged during pauses on music shows or water breaks in between choreography practice – ‘What’s your age? What’s your blood type? How many siblings? Oh, none? You’re so lucky, Hanjae, so lucky. All siblings are demons. You aren’t missing a thing.’

Hanjae didn’t even startle; Haruki often popped up at places like that, picking up conversations from days, weeks ago like they were merely put on pause.

Without uttering a word and barely looking up, he still nodded his head no.

Haruki nodded back, a pacifying smile showing up on his face, said, “Cool. Great. How about I show you a place?”

‘The place’, he informed Hanjae, was not all that nice, or clean, and he really shouldn’t wear nice shoes or nice clothes tonight, but at least it wasn’t far, at least they had permission.

“Who’s permission?” Hanjae asked, taking the pile of clothes to the dryer, smoothing wrinkles off them just for something to do.

Haruki waved manager Choi’s front keys in his hand, and Sangwon’s horrendous keychains clanked against each other: a green pine tree and a colorful ball. “The one that matters. What do you say, uh? You’re in? Can I count you in?”

He could count Hanjae in.

[...]

They stopped by a convenience store on the way, some couple of blocks down the dorm, and by then night had already conquered all of Seoul. Inside, the middle aged lady behind the counter rushed to give Haruki a hug, a paper bag and a discount.

“He’s a street cat I found,” she leaned in to explain when she caught Hanjae anxiously looking at him going straight to the back of the store, near the freezers, near the alcohol, with the ease of someone who could do so with his eyes shut. “He’s a good foreign friend.”

“I’m not!” Haruki shouted back, but he was grinning. “Are you not watching the news?”

The noona playfully rolled her eyes, joked back, “What news? You’re not on the news!”

She hushed Hanjae to go catch up with him with an enerved wave, told him to take a look around. “It’s on the house,” she winked. “You’re both so skinny, and you must be working hard, so just take something tasty and leave quickly.”

Trailing a couple feet behind Haruki on the aisle, Hanjae picked up a package of noodles and a modest four-set of Terra cans to accompany his endless Heineken bottles, light green on light green. While Hanjae bagged everything with caution, Haruki slipped a red won note on the balcony when the owner stopped paying attention to them, and off they went again.

Haruki made them walk ten more minutes to the left, and the left, the left again, coming to an abrupt stop in front of an abandoned lot, pure dirt and weeds, the sort that seemed to have turned into an open dump for the neighborhood. It looked no different or less disgusting than the million of others around less central Jungnang; it didn’t look like it could be a spot.

Yet Haruki kept braving straight through the grass without stopping, guiding Hanjae behind him to only step where he was stepping, to keep his eyes glued to the floor and watch out for broken glass. He settled when they were deep into the lot, mere feet away from a big hill. There was a clean view of an uneven street if you looked down, he said, filled with houses that were almost all pretty. Hanjae chose to just trust Haruki’s word on that; he couldn’t dare to come close enough to the drop to peek and see.

Haruki standed the bag of drinks for him to hold, and Hanjae had to do so with both hands. From a spot behind them, he pushed two retriable chairs out of a bulk set against a moldy tree, the metal in them corrupted by rust on the edges, and set them up, sat down, tapped at the other seat with his foot in invitation.

Hanjae took a long and anxious moment to comply. Under him, the chair dangled sideways even if he stayed very, very still.

With the convenience bag back in his domain, Haruki cracked three beers open, and handed Hanjae one, kept the other two: one in each hand, a Heineken and a Terra.

“Never had this one. I heard they’re the same thing,” he said, taking a sip from each and frowning, analyzing them. Hanjae stayed quiet.

He had only drank with his dad and uncles one time, at last year’s Chuseok, and hadn’t been much of a fan of anything. Still, he took a sip of beer.

Haruki at least had grace enough to let him swallow and contain a grimace before asking, with a strange edge to it, “So are you? A bully. A problem child. Part of a gang.”

“No,” Hanjae said, too quickly, too eager. He cleared his throat. “I’m really not, hyung, no.”

“How did it get there, then?” Haruki's look was razor sharp on Hanjae’s once tattooed hand, hard enough to make him freeze. “And why did you remove it? Just to be a trainee?”

Hanjae opened his mouth, but only to take a shaky breath in, swallow a bit more of bitter alcohol. In front of his fleeting eyes, Haruki eased just as quickly as he had hardened.

“Hanjae, we’re teammates now,” he told him. “I showed you my good spot. You can’t give me one word sentences anymore. You can’t lie.”

Hanjae considered this, and considered him from the corner of his eyes. Haruki was the LOOPiN member that Hanjae had come to know best, mostly because they didn’t have a choice, but still, he made an effort, he talked to him; he didn’t let Hanjae fall adrift. And he could have easily turned into an island: from the moment he had been transferred to New Wave, he had been an outsider, a last minute solution to a problem no one would explain to him – who left? Why? Was he worse than them? Was he better?

“You’re better,” Haruki had said, when Hanjae brought it up, late at night while they had dinner alone, in the practice room, sweating and panting – a week until their debut happened. He was the only one who had bothered to tell him so. He sounded like he meant it, too. Hanjae remembers catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror over his shoulder, hair bright brown and unfamiliar, thinking even for a fleeting moment: I’m doing enough.

It was fair for him to be the first to know – the first for Hanjae to disappoint.

“I got it removed before,” he heard himself say. It was a secret, so it came out like one: whispered, slow. “Before I wanted to train. I got it with friends– my dance crew friends. It was our logo, or at least, it was going to be, one day. But I… I did a bad thing, and it stopped making sense. It didn’t fit. I didn’t fit, so. It had to go.”

The vagueness did nothing but pique Haruki’s interest. He seated more properly, then less properly; ended up putting his feet on the seat of the chair, slouching with his head supported on his knee, the exact body language of, ‘Tell me, tell me, tell me.’

“My friend– my best friend, from childhood, our team captain. He used to have a girlfriend. A girl from our class, a dancer too, someone he had been in love with forever. Later she became part of the group, and we got close, we turned into friends, and then not. Not quite that. They broke up and one hour later we got together, on the same day. We got caught. It was a mess. Everyone thought it was a shitty thing to do, that it was cheating, cheating on everyone. But I just wanted her to be my girlfriend, back then– Back then, I wanted a girlfriend more than I wanted anything...”

Hanjae felt it coming, again: the desire to recoil a bit more on himself in shame. How pathetic he had been, then; how miserable, how sad, how lonely.

He took a timid peek to the side, ready to see an irk of dismay on Haruki’s face, some justified disgust, and was surprised to not see any of that. Haruki had grown passionate and invested in the whole story, something new in his eyes, a third bottle halfway drained in his hand.

He moved his chin up, as if saying, ‘Go on’, but Hanjae couldn’t. He drained the rest of the beer.

Haruki clicked his tongue like that wouldn’t do. He shoved his chair a few inches closer so he could grab at Hanjae's arm and said, all at once, “We can not– Hanjae, look, listen, we can not be blamed for all the things, the crazy things we do when love…!” He didn't finish the sentence, just amended it into another one: “You were a teenager, you both were, and very, very brave. Very brave to tell her and date her and keep dating her even if. They were just– bad friends. Just bad friends.”

They weren’t bad friends, Hanjae knew; they weren’t the ones in the wrong. But it hurted to say it out loud, to admit what he knew was still true: how easily he burned bridges for attention, for affection, so he never did. He just knew – looked at his reflection on surfaces and knew.

He rolled and rolled the tap of the Terra until it fell off, into the can. “Did you really quit college, hyung?” Was what he asked the wind.

Haruki shifted on his seat; Hanjae could only tell because of the way it creaked. “More like college quit me,” he said, with a sad huff of air that might have been a laugh, and dropped Hanjae’s arm, drank from his bottle too.

Sadness fell over them like a veil from then on. The Terras ended and Haruki didn’t mind sharing all the other stuff he had, and the longer it went on the less shy Hanjae felt about asking. At some point Haruki said, “I guess we really fucked up, uh – with 2on1,” and Hanjae, whipping a foam mustache off his face, “Minwoo’s not talking to me,” and Haruki, almost falling over with laugher, “Oh, my, I bet not! Ha. I bet not…”, and turned reticent, fell quiet.

His eyes, Hanjae had noticed, kept darting to a spot ahead in between conversation, beyond the drop of the hill, dazed. He violently shook his head sideways everytime he caught himself drifting too far away, and ran a hand over his face, rubbing at it in a way that made Hanjae look at him in worry.

Haruki found it hilarious each time. “What is it,” he eventually said, slower than normal, harder to understand, “With you, your face?”

He got up from his chair, a sudden move that sent it falling to the floor, a loud squeak, and walked even closer.

In front of Hanjae, right in front of him, he leaned forward until he got both his hands on his face, and said, pushing the corners of his mouth up, “The mood is so– Bad! So bad! Smile! Big smile! C’mon, give me a big smile!”

There had been dirt on Haruki’s hand, and Hanjae could vaguely taste it, with how close to his lips he was pressing. He still wore his inner braces back then; he kept cutting his tongue on the same spot, never healing, never telling, and he could feel the inside of his cheeks pressing onto that sharp place, about to be pierced through.

For a moment, they stayed quiet, looking at each other head on. Hanjae was not smiling. His heart had picked up a quick pace inside his chest, was drumming – Haruki was so close, and he was so beautiful, a true magazine type beauty, all symmetry, and Hanjae knew this, but not with this much conviction, not with so much emotion.

“Ah, you know what? I like you. I decided. I do like you, now…” Haruki said, and then he grinned, bringing his face even nearer. He took a breath and Hanjae felt it on his own nose, and didn’t know what to do about it; his mind, for a moment, went static. “Nothing will happen to you, friend. I promise it. ‘Will not let it.”

Hanjae’s held breath was a painful thing to let out of his chest. “Was something– Was something going to…?”

Haruki huffed a laugh and gave his cheeks two playful taps, said, with a new found determination, “Handsome guy. Do not get sad. I will fix this for you,” and let Hanjae’s face go.

He straightened his back up and swayed slightly to the side, running a hand over his hair, fixing his bangs back into place. Haruki told him, “Late. No booze. Night over”, and extended that same hand for Hanjae to take – Hanjae who still felt like his face had gone numb, blood rushing to it.

He took the hand, and they made their way back to the dorm that way, hanging close; Like magnets, Hanjae remembers thinking, idly, and then not idly at all. Haruki’s hands were leaving behind a pressure everywhere they touched, a heat that Hanjae couldn’t shake off – he just couldn’t shake it off.

Later, when Hanjae layed in bed, sheet drawn over his entire body, he could still feel it. When he woke up the morning after, nauseated but still in the group, still safe, he could still feel it.

If he closes his eyes now, right now, he can still feel it – the sad sort of burn of a premonition misread.

January 13, 2022.

Los Angeles is sunny in a way Haegon would love to see and pretend to hate – a saddening thought Hanjae had since they landed, and that comes back to haunt him while he looks at the city passing by on the van’s window, sidewalks all golden.

Haegon’s not a loud person in his eyes, but his absence is a loud thing, pouring the life out of everyone, mostly because of the way it had been forced on them.

It had been a horrifying way to open the year: having to come forward right on the first day of 2022 to the press, headlining Haegon’s mugging and the accident, his follow up hiatus and excuse out of their ‘We Do’ promotions in the USA. And then there was having to deal with Haegon in private, angry and disappointed, not wanting to take his pain medicine, shoving his room’s door in everyone's faces, dismissing every checkup attempt with an annoyed, “It’s just a minor concussion, what the Hell! I’m not fucking dying! Get the fuck off me, I’m fine, get off, just fuck off already to the States without me! Go on! Just– just leave me already!”

They’re driving out of some media company studio around the center of Los Angeles, where they filmed two twenty minute videos in a roll, more embarrassing games than actual interviews, and Hanjae has already spent all of his ability to mend English words together.

It could have been more fun, one of their staff said, but they had to pass on the puppy interview format because of Taesong’s allergies, and Jiahang’s been dead set on pretending to be sad about it during the entire ride back to the hotel; crocodile tears and all.

Hanjae has to deal with him from the last seat on the far opposite side of the van, resting his fried blonde head against his shoulder, sighing loudly, because Dylan is also not here to amuse him – he took a bus home to Santa Monica and will stay home until they leave in two days time.

Hanjae doesn’t like provoking Taesong, doesn’t like to spoil Jiahang, but that means very little in the grand escape of the group, that goes about poking fun of Taeng like it’s a sport, that’s stuck in a position where they really can’t say no to J.J, who owns company shares; he shoots the meek figure of Taesong an apologetic look as Jiahang’s act carries on, trying to tell him: ‘I’m not a part of this, I just don’t know how to stop it.’

Thankfully, the hotel isn’t that far away, and it’s a quick torture – up until things takes a turn for the worse.

As they park and start to step out, Beomseok’s long arm blocks the door before he and Jiahang can put a single leg outside of the car.

“Stop,” he tells J.J, harsh enough to make Hanjae stumble a step back. Beomseok points a finger right at Jiahang’s face, and inch from touching his nose, says, “Stop being a fucking problem. Stop.”

It makes Jiahang livid, turns his ears bright red. He takes long stomps to the elevator, and Hanjae has to jog to keep up with him – Jiahang really has the longest legs Hanjae has ever seen on a person.

“He’s got such a stick up his ass!” He keeps on saying, barging into the room they’re both sharing with Dylan and Zhiming – angrily tossing his bag into his ‘cheap dollar store bed with the cheap dollar store sheets’ that made him go into a very similar rant last night. “He thinks he’s the only one who cares about Gon, the only one who can bother. He’s so wrong. I’m fucking worried too! I’m calling him too! I miss him! I’m more of a friend to him than that weirdo is. He’s so weird. He thinks he owns Haegon and everyone and everything, just because he’s older, just because he trained for like, one billion years! Like it’s my fault Starship thought he was too ugly to join NO.MERCY!”

“You were being annoying, Jiahang,” O.z deadpans from the corner he’s tucked in, without looking up from his manhwa.

Jiahang grunts louder. “Yeah, that was the point. Taesong knows I’m just joking around! Everyone knows!”

Zhiming lowers the comic from his face, flipping a page. His eyes have deep dark circles behind his thick glasses, marks that never go away. “Unnecessary.”

Jiahang rolls his eyes, putting his hair up on an ugly bun. He turns his back to Zhiming’s bed and mouths at Hanjae, mocking, ‘Unnecessary’.

Hanjae shrugs at him, and that annoys J.J too. He angrily puts on a movie on the tiny TV, gets a hold of his bed’s pillow and wraps himself around it, mumbling something under his breath still. The tags on the streaming app read comedy, musical. He chews on a poor nail while humming along the first song, and Hanjae tries to humor him with a tiny, “Is that Ariana Grande sunbaenim?”

It doesn’t work. Jiahang shoves his face into his pillow and says, miserable and muffled, “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t hang around with you, you’re so lame. I miss Dylan so much.”

“He invited you to go with him,” Hanjae says, helplessly. “You said you didn’t want to.”

“Of course I didn’t want to! I would have to sleep on the floor. In a bag, on the floor. And I don’t think his grandma would like me – I don’t think anyone in his family would like me,” he turns his face around, off the pillow. Hanjae can hear clearly when he says, “He needs time alone with them. For the anxieties.”

“The anxieties?” Hanjae asks him, very slowly.

Jiahang presses his mouth shut tight, straights himself up again. He undoes his ponytail, tosses his long, long hair from one side to the other, behind his ears.

He takes a quick look at Zhiming, and Hanjae does too, and they go by uncaught; O.z’s got his big headphones in now, eyes glued to his comic book.

Jiahang is still careful to whisper, “The rest of you don’t get what it's like, when you’re away from your home every day, when you know all the people you’re going to see aren’t all the ones you know – when you got family that’s like, old, and you know that time’s passing. You’re losing days with them. It gets scary, after a while. Dylan’s grandad will be 82 this year, hyung – that’s a terrifying number, that’s a maybe. That’s the anxiety. Mine, his– Zhiming’s, too. Foreign member anxiety.”

Hanjae nods, sharp. Jiahang makes a face at him, brighter – smiles, says like a tease, “Not Haruki’s, though. Haruki doesn’t miss Japan at all, if that’s what you’re wondering. He’s not anxious about that.”

Hanjae blinks. Opens his mouth, closes it, blinks again. “I wasn’t going to ask–” 

“Sure thing. Suuuuure,” J.J says slyly, and goes back to watching TV, and Hanjae does too. Gulps, keeps looking at the movie, tries to pay attention.

Jiahang put on korean subtitles for him, yet he keeps talking – explaining everything. It’s a nice enough movie, he says. Good songs, nice enough movie.

They’re reaching the end of it, seeing every main character gather in a protest around town, when Haruki barges into their room.

“Are any of you not gonna rot inside this hotel?” He asks, loudly, quickly. “Is anyone going to do anything? Catch some sun?”

“Hanjae’s supposed to be going out,” Zhiming tells him. He’s also watching the movie now, has Jiahang by his side, explaining to him what he missed.

“Oh?” Haruki says, and looks around the room, eyes a little clouded, until they land on Hanjae. He smiles, and it stretches across his face quick and big, like he’s actually glad to see him, like the effect is instantaneous. Hanjae can’t for the life of him look at it head on. “Perfect. That’s just perfect, I’m going with you, Hanhan, just wait for me to get changed!”

“Okay,” Hanjae says, and hops off the bed too quickly, sits back down. “I– Waiting.”

Immediately after Haruki leaves Jiahang gives him a long look over Zhiming’s shoulder, and Hanjae pretends not to see it.

“You’re too easy,” he says, with a disapproving nod of his head, and Hanjae pretends he doesn’t hear it, pretends it doesn’t sting.

It’s humiliating, being reminded that people know – that they look at him and know, and he’s reminded of it constantly.

“Hanjae’s sad, sad bisexual awakening,” was how Jiahang put it, sing-a-song in the studio, while making this very single they’re promoting now. “Worse, worse than Minwoo’s– Is that a verse? Can we put that on a song, on the album?”

Minwoo said, for the two of them, “Fuck you.”

And there that one time, the one he remembers clearly, when Seo CEO said he wanted to sit down to watch them practicing ‘Love Me Right’ before the big release, and Taesong pushed Hanjae aside, told him, “Hanjae, you– if you need to check the choreo, please look at the instruction video. Don’t look at Haruki like that, there’s no need to look like you–”

There had to be a separation, he realized; he had to get it under control.

So Hanjae made friends with the people Haruki seemed to not stand, which sometimes meant everyone, but mostly meant J.J and Beomseok – two extremes of very opposite lines. He’s built a line of separation, wrapped himself up in Haruki repellent, and he tries to live by it.

It’s a frail line, a shitty line, and it comes crashing down all the time, with the little moments; single minutes where things feel kind between them, different. A bottle of water and a perfectly folded towel passed to him backstage, a group conversation where Haruki eventually says, like clockwork, “And you, Hanjae? What do you think?”; no one else says that. There’s this lingering nearness coming from him, like there's always something Haruki wants to say or do but can’t, something he wants to check.

It makes Hanjae wonder – makes him come back to that one friendly night, hang on to it. The way Haruki had been so near, his exact tone of voice when he said that he liked him, considered him a friend, thought he was handsome, was going to fix whatever was wrong.

[...]

“So what are we doing?” Haruki asks when they step onto the sidewalk.

“Just filming my Loop Log,” Hanjae responds. “Deadline’s tonight.”

“Shit, that,” Haruki groans, taking his cap off to push hair out of his eyes, putting it on again. “I forgot all about that. ‘Haven’t filmed mine either. ‘Think I lost my camera.”

“I can help you look,” Hanjae offers. “When we get home.”

“Well, thank you,” Haruki says, and steps closer, slides an arm over Hanjae’s shoulder, tells him, “For now, I guess we’ll just have to stick tight. LOOPiN 2on1, reunited in L.A…!”

At Hanjae’s timid request, Chihoon made him a list of what he should get to ‘live his best tourist life’, what the fans might want to see him try: pancakes, bacon and eggs, ice cream, anything in the menu that looks like it could have come off a cartoon, any ‘house specials’.

They go into the nearest place listed with the camera on hand, and have to explain with their Frankenstein English that they want to make a vlog, can they make a vlog? They can, a waiter says, but only in a specific area; they get taken there.

Hanjae orders the house special, and it's a crazy looking Banana Split. Haruki settles for waffles, and they decide to start filming when the food arrives.

Any chance of small talk between them goes fully stall when Hanjae asks, right at their waiter steps away, as the opening topic: “Have you talked to Haegon?”

Haruki’s dangling hand on the table stills. He smiles weird, notices it looks weird, drops it: “Ah, no. No…” and goes silent, makes Hanjae go silent too.

The food comes, they start filming. Hanjae’s meticulously trying to extract a tiny piece of strawberry from a block of ice cream, all while only looking through the camera’s lens, when Haruki’s phone jumps to life, ringing.

He takes it out of his pocket, places it screen flat on the table without looking at the receiver once, mutes it with one hand, adds a mountain of maple syrup to his food with the other.

“Not important,” Haruki reassures Hanjae when he catches him looking at the buzzing phone, an inch away from falling off the edge. He forks the food and stands his hand across the table, says, with his Idol voice, “Wanna try?”

It’s good sweet food, all of it. The camera goes back and forth between them, hand to hand. Haruki makes him pretend they’re shooting a commercial, at some point, makes him do a different pose with every bite, and Hanjae tries to not lose control of his face with all the wooing, all the praise.

It’s fanservice, and Haruki’s good at it. It makes for good content. Everything: good.

Outside, bill paid, they take shelter from the sun and check the recording; thirty raw minutes of footage.

“Hanjae,” Haruki says, looking up after skimming the video, solemn. Hanjae leans a bit forward, eyes a little wide.“The Log will turn out very boring if this is all we do.”

It is, indeed, not the best vlog Hanjae’s ever made. Not that he’s ever been any good at them, or at anything on the media side of the job outside of music covers or choreography making. He’s seen the views on his solo variety content, Sangwon walked him through them all last month, said: nothing special.

They barely talked in 30 minutes – Hanjae didn't initiate a single conversation with him.

Quickly, Haruki’s eyes narrow as he scans the area around them, and Hanjae tries to keep up. He looks for a long moment at the barracks of food, at a man selling balloons, and finally lands far ahead, on a group of kids running on the sand. The leading one trips on air and falls face first on the ground, immediately wails, and they let out matching startled, horrified laughs.

Haruki jogs until he’s in front of him, and turns to walk backwards, closer to where the sidewalk gives into the beach.

“You wanna do that?” He arches a perfect eyebrow. “Run around on the beach with me. Like we’re in a movie.”

Hanjae steps on a stone, lands his other feet on the ground wrong. “I– No.”

“No? Well, I’m doing it! It’s what the vlog’s missing! Trust me, if we do this, it’ll fix everything,” he says, and before Hanjae can even think of what to reply, turns around and starts running on the sand, straight ahead.

Haruki’s already bent over near the ocean when Hanjae catches up with him, folding his jeans until they stop at his knees, barefoot. He insists: “Let’s go, let’s do it, you’re already here, it’s going to be fun, the fans will like it, let’s do it, let’s do it!”

With a resigned sigh, Hanjae unties his sneakers.

Haruki approaches a family nearby and asks for a beach chair, gets a yes. They place the camera cautiously on it, set it with a big zoom ahead. Haruki leaves his phone there, too, with a careless toss, and Hanjae can hear it announcing another call as he steps away, trailing exactly behind him – footprint over footprint, back near the ocean and then on the ocean.

“I thought– Hyung, I thought we were going to just walk,” Hanjae says, stopping. The salt water is a chill foam around his foot.

“Yeah,” Haruki flashes him a smile over his shoulder. He’s about to be knees deep, is taking his Hawaiian shirt off, Hanjae realizes now, with a flush. “We’re walking. Into the water.”

Hanjae catches the shirt when he throws it over his shoulder, looks at it, up at him. He takes a step closer. “Manager Choi’s– Haruki, he’s going to complain!”

“Fuck him!” Haruki tells him with a laugh. He says, with meaning: “Fuck him, fuck New Wave, let them complain, I’m going for a dive and no one can stop me!”

And then he dives, swims, disappears under the water for a long moment. Hanjae stays planted where he is, at a loss of words. When Haruki reemerges, pushing a curtain off black hair off his eyes, and walks back splashing water at him. By the time they’re side by side again, it looks like Hanjae took a dive, too.

“Are you…” He starts to say, eyeing Haruki worryingly, but then the family from before calls back to them, says they’re leaving, they need the chair back, and Haruki claps him on the shoulder, smiles widely, races him to reach them.

“Look,” Haruki says when they’re checking the footage, back on the sidewalk, showing Hanjae a clip: the two of them, a little blurry, walking. “We even got your good smile.”

“My good smile?” Hanjae echoes.

“Not to imply you have a bad one, because you don’t have a bad one,” Haruki says, and bumps their shoulders together. He has just put his shirt back on, is wearing it unbuttoned. “You just have one that’s relaxed, easy. A rare one.”

“Hm,” Hanjae responds, looking away, rolling a rock under his feet.

The walk back to the hotel is calm, windy. The sky’s cotton candy pink and it all looks like a movie, Hanjae thinks. He looks down, and their hands are loose, hanging close, like it would be in a movie.

The end credits roll when they get in the hotel’s lobby, and find Sangwon there – just right there. He catches sight of them immediately, like an alert dog; a quick jump off his seat, a stall near.

He seems to consider them like an equation, frowning: he takes in their wet hair, the wet clothes, the leftover traces of sand, solves it, fumes.

“Do you have any idea,” he says, and he’s struggling to look at the two of them, to not just gawk at Haruki – to not bare his teeth to Haruki only. “Any idea, you two, of how irresponsible this whole stunt was? You’re out on a foreign land. You know no one – no one. When I– The company, if the company calls, you pick your phone. It’s how it works. Pick your phone, immediately.”

Hanjae checks his own phone, a quick glance: no calls.

“Choi-nim,” he says, not looking directly at him, because he lost the ability over the years. Sangwon’s gaze now makes him incredibly anxious. He takes the camera out of where its hanging around his neck, stands it. “I notified– On the calendar, I added– We were just filming–”

“No need to explain, Hanjae,” Haruki interrupts, and puts a hand on Hanjae’s shoulder, steps in front of him, puts himself between him and Sangwon. “Go up. You did nothing wrong. It’s okay. Hyung’s going to solve this with the manager.” He turns straight to Choi-nim and bows, so pristine, so polite: “I take full responsibility for today. It was all me. I’m really sorry if I caused you stress.”

Sangwon considers him for a long moment, taking in the bend of his elbows, like he’s trying to measure his sincerity – there’s almost none of it, Hanjae can tell. He sighs, and then he adjusts his shirt, picks at the cufflinks of his uniform, breaths – his nostrils taking over his entire face.

“You’re dismissed,” Sangwon tells Hanjae, icely, with a corner of the eye glance.

“Sir, I–”

“Dismissed.”

“Go on,” Haruki encourages him, giving Hanjae’s shoulder a firm tap. And then he runs a hand over Hanjae’s hair, messes it up until his wet bangs are glued to his forehead, which he’s never done before; not with him, not with anyone, as far as Hanjae’s aware.

Hesitantly, Hanjae steps away, goes to take the elevator. He keeps looking at them over his shoulder, watching them trail away with growing uneasiness. Haruki keeps looking back at him until he can’t: Sangwon gets the door of the hotel open, shoves him by the shoulder out.

Up in his hotel room, Hanjae showers for a long time. There’s sand on a spot on his elbow where Haruki gave him a tap, and it takes him a while to notice.

He comes off the shower and goes straight to laying down. Zhiming, who had been awake when he came in, is also in his bed now, fully still.

He turns over once, and then again, goes back on his side. “Zhiming hyung?” Hanjae whispers. “You’re awake?”

When Zhiming finally responds, it’s with a minimal grunt, a tiny quick of his socked foot. “What.”

“Do you,” Hanjae chews on the words, “Do you think I have a good smile?”

A pause, a loud sigh. “You’re an Idol. You should hope so.”

“Okay. Okay, so what about– What about me do you think, what looks bad?”

Slowly, very slowly, Zhiming raises his upper body on his elbows. His air is a mess, recently dyed from gray to black too quickly. Without his glasses, he’s forced to squint at Hanjae, even this close, with their beds separated by a very narrow space.

“What the fuck are you even talking about?”

Hanjae takes in a sharp breath, and nods – puts a hand over his eyes, nods again. Stupid, so stupid.

“Nothing,” He says. “Nothing, just– Forget it. I’m sorry, just– Sorry.”

Zhiming goes back to laying down with a loud ‘oof’. He says, a crude whisper, “Don’t go out alone with him if it’ll make you come back like that.”

And with that Hanjae decides he must sleep, immediately, and end this day already.

It was just a day, he tells himself, rubbing at the scarred spot on his hand; a flower in eternal bloom, once. Just one good day. Drop it, forget it, erase it.

February 15, 2022.

“C’mon, you guys, c’moooon! On a scale of one to ten–”

“Na Seungsoo,” Minwoo’s voice rings out like a warning; an elastic pulled far above its limit, about to snap back into place, hard. “Shut your goddamn mouth.”

“She’s right there,” Haegon adds, equally as ultraged. “Are you dumb? Do you want to die?”

“Light up, you two. We’re just talking hypotheticals. I’m not actually gonna fuck our mananger,” Seungsoo says, crossing his arms, raising his chin high – his posture the embodiment of a practical joke about to take action. “That would be desperate and unprofessional, and I am none of these things.”

“You’re extremely unprofessional,” Jiahang laughs at him, a little mean – all his laughs have something a little mean about them, Hanjae can’t help but notice, when Seungsoo’s involved. “And extremely desperate. You just fucked our sound assistant. We no longer have a sound assistant, because you fucked her.”

“So did Jimin!”

“A fluke,” Zhiming defends himself. “Not happening again.”

“It’s never a fluke with you, Seungsoo. You’re such a man whore. A man whore for staff. Even Sangwon could have pulled you when he was around if he had a pair of tits,” Haegon notes, and Seungsoo gasps, mutters, scandalized, ‘You bastard!’, raises a fist up as if he’s going to hit him, and everyone’s laughing. Hanjae contributes with a grimace. “You’re that gross, you’re really that disgusting, all it would take–”

Behind them, Dylan begins to violently choke on a bite out of his granola bar, hard enough for the whole photo studio to freeze.

Taesong stands up immediately to check on him, and so does Jungwha, their three day old manager, Choi Sangwon’s definitive substitute and the topic of Seungsoo’s most recent infatuation: she rushes forward to aid alongside an assistant, a cup of water materialized out of thin air on her hand, like a trained lifeguard.

It’s too early for any of them to get a good read on her, but Hanjae has working eyes, so he will admit Junghwa is good looking in a mature sort of way, a bit above the ‘K-Pop staff adequate’. She’s not far from Seungsoo’s type, given the fact that he pretty much doesn’t have one. Hanjae has seen him flirt with Seo CEO’s third ex-wife, the second ex-wife, all of Minwoo’s half sisters and, in a disastrous attempt, Dylan’s mom. ("She's just so young, Chihoon! I thought she was your cousin!"

"I don't have a single cousin and you know that! You went for my mom, you animal, the least you can do is own it!")

“Holy shit, Chihoon,” Seungsoo says, tapping him on the back with one hand, fanning him with the other. “You’re alright?”

“My bad– False alarm, guys, my bad–!”, Dylan mutters, still coughing, watery eyes quick in their attempt to scan the room for something, someone.

Hanjae follows their frantic trail until they land on the quiet figure of Haruki by the coffee machine, his back to them, shoulders rigid and on display – wearing the same suit outfit Hanjae has been put on, his in a shade more close to purple than blue.

It fits Haruki splendidly, as must things do.

“Alright, boys, hey, boys!” Jungwha calls out when Dylan’s lungs go back to normal, clapping her hands one loud time. “Break’s over! It’s the real deal, now! So let’s try to have a good day at work today! Fighting!”

They’re set to scatter in trios and duos, the old unit formations, except for Haegon, who’s still on hiatus, still has stitches all over the crown of his head. He only made it because Haruki insisted, and he’s always insisting, lately: “How can we do well without our cheerleader,” he told Haegon in the morning, “Our cute, adorable cheerleader, my very favorite little brother–!”

“Hi,” Hanjae mutters, tapping Haruki gently in the shoulder. Haruki jumps, catching his breath, and Hanjae drops his hand, shoves it behind his own back. “Ah, sorry, if I– I was just going to say we should–”

But Haruki is turning and splinting in front of him before all the words are out, growing out of earshot, out of hold, entering a hallway on the left.

Hanjae, embarrassed, follows.

They’re supposed to go to room 4, but Haruki walks right past it. Hanjae calls back to him from the door, says, “Hyung, that’s not the–”, and then his voice falters, dies out.

Haruki’s already quick pace has grown even quicker, and he’s now running towards the door at the end of the corridor, the one with a red sign written ‘TERRACE’ over it – really running, to the point his body almost slams against the metal when he stops. The door handle makes a loud noise as he tries to push it open, can’t make it, tries again, harder – manages to step out with a strong shove. Hanjae goes after him, frowning, worried.

Outside, the terrace is a gray space, almost the same tone as the sky – rain’s a strong promise on the horizon, a reasonable fear.

Haruki’s standing right at the center. He tries to take in a big and loud gulp of air, can’t, makes a choking sound, lets out a hiss. Hanjae can feel the acute panic coming off him like electricity, gluing itself to his very own skin. He reminds himself to breathe.

Haruki stands an arm out and that’s the distance between them, that’s the nearest he’ll let Hanjae get.

“What’s– What’s happening, what’s wrong, what–?”

“Just,” he’s trembling bad. “Leave, I need– Leave.”

“Now?” Hanjae asks, and he’s making himself bite down on the trail of: ‘But the shoot’, ‘But the gig’, ‘But the job’ so hard, he’s actually got his teeth sinking on his lip.

Haruki nods, sharp and final, and Hanjae feels himself nodding back, frenetic. “Okay, stay– stay here, okay, you’ll leave– we’re leaving, just stay here.”

Hanjae walks back into the building with his head very low, tries to not walk too quickly to bring attention to himself, feels like he’s falling; feels like the whole world is looking at him. He holds his breath while sneaking back into the room they’re using as a closet, picks his and Haruki’s things like a thief: pushing everything into their bags without folding, eyes anxiously looking behind his back, flinching at every outside noise coming through the door.

Haruki’s phone is the last thing he grabs. He only becomes aware of it because it starts ringing. He looks at the screen, a quick run of his eyes. The contact name reads: ‘Don’t Answer Don’t Answer Don’t Answer.’

On the roof, Haruki’s sitting on the floor, resting his forehead against the wall. The back half of an air conditioner hangs close to him, and the leftover water pools near his feet, turning the hem of his pants dark.

They put on the yellow raincoats, plastic hood all the way up, and make a clumsy escape out the studio; Hanjae babbles something at the receptionist about there being equipment in the van, and the woman gives them a distracted ‘go ahead’ nod, an empty courtesy smile.

They walk without a plan, enter on the first bus that stops close: Haruki on the lead, completely reticent, Hanjae only following. There’s still a trail of glitter going down his neck, shiny with sweat, red from stress, Hanjae notices when they sit down. He’s still crying, still whipping at his runny nose with the expensive fabric of his shirt.

Hanjae looks down at his own clothes, the suit vest with no shirt under, a design piece New Wave doesn’t own – he’s wearing eyeliner, a strong smokey eye. They look expensive, and to an outsider, probably peculiar, weird. They don’t even have masks on…

Maybe, Hanjae hopes, trying to hold on to any trail of optimism possible, they could pass as very dedicated cover dancers, maybe–

The sound of Hanjae’s phone ringing makes them both jump in their seats. Haruki comes out of his state of anxious inertia to put a hand on his knee, pressing on it to get his attention. He says, through his teeth, “Do not– Hanjae, do not.”

Hanjae lets the phone ring out. He looks at the receiver: Uhm Junghwa (Manager).

Haruki’s peeking at it too. “Off,” he says, and it’s off.

It’s raining when they step out of the bus. They get maybe five feet down the sidewalk when a phone rings again – this time, Haruki’s. He comes to a sudden halt, and Hanjae bumps into his back and gets a close view of how, in an act of blind rage, he throws it hard on the floor.

“Fuck!” Haruki says, and steps on it once, twice, cracks the screen then the whole device in half. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

Hanjae looks at him, wide eyed, mouth hanging open, and watches him pace around, a tense moment, until he loses all steam, goes sit by the closest wall.

Haruki stays for a long time there, one hand gripping the fence, the other pressing over his face, being rained on. Cautiously, Hanjae slides his raincoat off, squats down, close to him, and stands it over both their heads. Rain drips directly into his shoulder, makes a cold path down his neck.

“I hope your–,” a hiccup, a sniff, a faint and unconvincing attempt from Haruki of laughing them both off, “your fantasy’s still– still up.”

“My…?”

“Can you not,” Haruki says, a hiss, “Not look.”

Hanjae complies, doesn’t look. Behind them, a car runs close to the sidewalk, splashes a wave of rainwater on their backs.

“Sasaeng?” Hanjae tries, “Is it a sasaeng, or…”

Haruki lets out a bitter snort. “Imja,” he says, and it makes more sense that he means ‘owner’ rather than ‘marriage partner’; Hanjae can’t hear anything else, can’t connect anything else to something he knows and decode it.

His throat has gone dry, sandy. He clears it, and still, his voice comes off clipped. “Your…? Ah. Ah, I didn’t know– Didn’t know you have someone you were–”

“You know him,” Haruki says. “For years. You– you’ve known him. He gave you your job– Made your job happen.”

It takes a long moment for it to click, for the shape of manager Choi to come to Hanjae’s mind. Haruki’s looking at him like he’s expecting Hanjae to do something horrible: mouth set for a fight, eyes so red they look like they’ve been painted over.

“Hyung,” Hanjae breathes. His voice is an even quieter thing, afraid. “Do you mean– Are you being serious?”

“Am I! Am I serious?!”

He’s up again, quick – Hanjae loses his equilibrium and falls back on the street. Haruki doesn’t wait for him to get up to resume stomping.

It takes two street turns for Hanjae to understand they’re detouring from the dorms.

They sit on another bus stop bench, hop on another bus. A quiet and tense drive, this one. Haruki’s no longer crying, just grinding his teeth.

They go to the front gates of a tiny building, their final destination, and Haruki tells the security guard an apartment number, wais to be buzzed in. He does soon, and Hanjae, yet to be told to leave, goes up with him on the stairs.

Delilah gets the door he bangs on, and Hanjae’s stuck blinking at the sight of her, who shouldn’t still be in Korea. Haruki barges into her place like a hurricane: shoes still on, pushing her a little back, closer to the wall.

They both stare at the spot he occupied on the corridor a second ago, a held breath.

She recovers much quicker than he does. Deh tucks a long lock of her caramel hair behind her ear, greets him with an awkward, “Hanjae, hi. Hi...”, and Hanjae gets overwhelmed by too many things at once; how glad he is to see her, the shame of how they had parted. Her sad face when she told everyone she couldn’t stand to work with them anymore.

“You’re back.”

“I am! I am back!” Deh says. “How could I not! Europe’s too gray for me. The food’s too bad, and...” She sucks air through her teeth, takes an anxious look behind her, back inside. “... And all that.”

Hanjae shakes his head, agrees – agrees to all that even though he has no idea what all that is. There’s a pool of spit on his mouth, and he has to concentrate on gulping it down, has to try more than once.

“Hanjae, baby, look– I’ll send him on his way later. Maybe tonight. Or tomorrow morning. Just…” She trials off. “Please don’t tell the others we met, okay? I don’t want Seungsoo looking for me or asking around. I don’t want to see him again, ever.”

Fair, Hanjae thinks. After everything, fair.

Deh flashes him a final grim before closing the door, still awkward, and it doesn’t last. She drops it for a split second, fully drops it, looks instead concerned, anxious.

Hanjae waits a moment, then moves before he knows it. He presses his ear against the shut door, closes his eyes and hopes to catch anything. A creek of wood. A vacuum cleaner being turned off. The sound of someone channel surfing. Deh saying what might be, “Haruki, what do you want me to do? I can’t know, love. I can’t know if you don’t tell me.”

Another sound drowns everything, nearer. Someone from the apartment on the left starts to unlock their door, it’s about to walk out, and it leaves Hanjae panicking, it makes him jog all the way out of the building, nonstop.

He makes the inverse way back home, alone. His own phone is a hot thing in his back pocket. When he gets to the dorm, Chihoon is the first person he bumps into, planted right beside the shoe rack. Hanjae’s seen him in this set of clothes, short shorts and a knockoff Pokemon shirt, more than he’s seen his own dad’s face these last few years.

Dylan grabs at Hanjae when he notices it’s him, pushes him back out quickly. He puts a finger in front of his mouth – quiet.

“I’ve given you some cover,” he whispers. They’re circling the house, Hanjae realizes, going to the backyard. “Said you were not feeling well. It won’t fly with Minwoo or Taesong, so think of something. And you're not gonna get paid this month, because of the clothes. Neither of you will.” He looks around, eyes sharp in a way Hanjae didn’t think they could be. “Where is he?”

“Deh’s,” Hanjae blurts out, and remembers he promised not to speak of her, grows meek.

He’s tired, deep in the bones tired, from all the walking, all the running. The socks inside his sneakers are still wet, his fingers have gone cold.

“Good,” Dylan says, remarkably unsurprised. “That’s good enough.”

There’s a moment of silence between them. In Hanjae’s head, a pinned image every time he blinks: Haruki’s eyes, red like a bruise.

“Chihoon hyung, I think– I think there’s something wrong with–”

Dylan’s grip on his arm is steady, but no longer comforting when he says, “Hanjae, listen, yes. Yes. Something’s wrong. Too many things–” He shakes his head, clicks his tongue once, and again. “No need for you to worry about it, because there’s nothing you can really do, okay? It’s been too long, now. The time for anyone to really do anything, over.”

He looks like he doesn’t want to be saying it, like all those words taste bitter, bad.

“So just keep being nice,” Dylan concludes, and his voice breaks at the end. “Be nice with him right now, alright? And patient, and normal, just like always, and…”

Dylan doesn’t say what else. He looks down, and Hanjae follows. Near their feet, a trail of black nicotine ash and tiny bits of paper; someone’s worry, someone’s wait.Kind, maybe, Hanjae concludes on his own. Maybe kind was what he was going to say.

March 12th & a Bit Of 13th, 2022.

Sunyoung immediately strikes Hanjae as someone who’s never held a small house party before, and it’s a bit painful to see her try.

She greets them at the door, a little overdressed: Chanel earrings, Chanel bag. “Is that everyone?”, she asks, craning her neck to peek behind them, and when they mumble ‘yes’ she visibly withers.

Taesong steps in front of them to give her a gift – a flower vase so yellow Zhiming had to look away from it, rubbing at his eyes.

She stares at it for a minute, frowns hard, then composes herself, says, “Ah! Thank you so much, oppa! This is so– Yeah, thanks! But you didn’t have to! Gon, baby! I said they didn’t have to!”

“I told you they don’t listen to me,” Haegon mutters. There’s a dark cloud over his face and Sunyoung seems to not mind it. She squeezes his arm when he passes her by, smiles at him prettily. 

She checks the corridor one more time, and for a moment Hanjae thinks she looks sad; that she looks angry.

The party is a housewarming party for the brand new double storey apartment in Nine One Hannam she’s sharing with her BombShell leader Yoorim, who strongly opposed herself to throwing anything. Hanjae catches a glimpse of her looking displeased and bothered behind the kitchen aisle, and bows his head a little – she rolls her eyes, turns her back on him, disappears behind a small group of people.

Beomseok refused to come, decided to take the afternoon to go grocery shopping, the night to visit family he can’t take Haegon to see; the side that calls him a parasite. It had been a clear jab, right at Haegon’s face. Even Minwoo thought it was insensitive, and his response to the invite had been nothing but a disgusted face that spelled out ‘no’.

Hanjae watches him move through the living room, greeting some people. Haegon’s been here yesterday, and the day before that, and if Hanjae’s not cautious, he’ll stay over despite their early shooting tomorrow.

“That old man put you on babysitting duty, eh, Hanhan?” Seungsoo leans in to whisper to him, somehow with a drink in hand – white wine. The smell of his cologne is already stuck to the collar of Hanjae’s bottom up by osmosis.

“He’s just concerned. It makes sense to be concerned.”

On their first day back from L.A, Haegon had announced over dinner that he now had a girlfriend: they met last week, and had been dating for three days. The situation had driven Beomseok crazy. Haegon asked if him if wanted to meet her every day for two weeks straight, and he said: no. He eventually got around to meet her and said with even more conviction: no, break up, now.

It’s an age gap, even if very small, but she’s about five years his industry senior, he told Hanjae. And Sunyoung’s from YG Entertainment, the face of too many brands. She’s going to eat him alive, spit him out, leave him heartbroken and Beomseok is going to have to deal with it, and he doesn’t want to have to deal with it.

“She can just like him. People can just like him,” Taesong tried to intervene, high pitched, and Beomseok cutted him off right away, said, “No. No, there’s something– Be serious, Taesong. No.”

The front door dings again, and it takes a long minute for Haegon to untangle his arms from Sunyoung’s waist and let her go get it. Hanjae watches her walk across the house, a firm walk of a supermodel, of someone important, and gets embarrassed with how bad he is at this, how obvious.

Another glimpse her way, and the person with their two feet planted on the ‘welcome home’ carpet is Haruki. He also said he wouldn’t come but gave no excuse, yet: here, dressed nicely. He’s got the same convenience store from years ago under one arm, the one from a memory.

They talk, talk, talk, and he still won’t leave the entrance. Haruki makes her laugh, the most genuine thing Hanjae’s seen Sunyoung do all night. He sees her look at him, look around, then lean closer again: point upstairs and give Haruki a thumbs up as he finally makes his way in, into the stairs and out of sight.

Sunyoung’s back on the couch, to Haegon, and Hanjae makes himself look. They’re fine, they appear very fine, holding hands, he doesn’t have to watch them all night, there’s no need to watch them at all, and–

Hanjae goes up the stairs, which he knows it’s technically off limits. He tries to not let his eyes wander to the photos on the walls, the books on the shelves tucked next to an award behind protective glass, a big shiny plaque framed above it.

There’s only one door with light peeking through, right at the end of the corridor. He taps at it three times, and waits. Another three taps, slightly stronger.

“Occupied,” a voice says from the inside – a tone he knows. “All night.”

Hanjae can’t think of what to say: can’t think of anything at all, for a second. He gives the door another hopeful tap, waits more, and he lets out a sigh of relief when it creeks open. He goes in, closes it quietly behind him, and looks down.

The room’s a bathroom, straight out of a home decoration magazine, all black and white. Haruki seems to be setting up an improv bar on the floor, in the big space between the bathtub and the sink. There’s a bottle of something Hanjae can’t read, blue and half empty, tucked in between his legs like a treasure.

“Ah, you,” he waves at Hanjae’s vague direction, not looking up. “Hello, you. I’m just– Don’t mind the mess. Someone made me something once. ‘Trying to put it together.”

Hanjae hums. He can’t make his hand ease its grip on the doorknob.

It’s been weeks since they abandoned the shoot, and since then Haruki’s been avoiding him constantly. Looks at him from across rooms and seems pained, constantly, and Hanjae hasn’t had the heart to come near.

“What is happening?” Haruki asks, suddenly, and tries to land a smile. He blinks a lot and then not enough looking up at Hanjae. “Down. Down there.”

“Nothing much.”

“How is he?”

“Haegon?” Hanjae asks, and Haruki nods at him loosely, mouths the name without making a sound: ‘Haegon’. “He– Uh, he seems alright.”

“Great couple, yes or no? For our maknae, is she great?”

“I– I don’t know.”

Disappointment flashes vividly through Haruki’s face, and it lands on a sad shagrin. “You don’t know,” he says, to himself, and goes back to emptying his bag with a slouch to his shoulders.

‘Be normal’, Dylan had said that day, his only instructions: ‘Be nice.’

Hanjae lets go of the door and goes to sit in front of him, legs crossed like his are. “What’s it supposed to taste like? The drink.”

There’s no humor in Haruki when he says, “Acid.”

He offers a thermo bottle to Hanjae filled with the failed replica. Hanjae takes a tiny sip and can’t swallow it, feels like his tongue is on fire, and it makes Haruki huff a laugh. “More disgusting than that.”

He makes more combinations that demand more tasting, and Hanjae at times struggles, at times doesn’t – Haruki empties a Soju bottle and refills it with Somaek, calls it ‘Hanjae’s palette cleanser’. He also makes Hanjae go downstairs to grab things they don’t have: more cups, ice and fruit juice, if Sunyoung has any, which she does – too many options.

Hanjae comes back from the trip and sets all his findings at Haruki’s feet, then feels weird about it, exposed about it, and pushes some of it closer to himself.

The bottle opener, they notice a minute later, has disappeared. Hanjae thinks he took it with him to the kitchen and abandoned it on the counter. Worry not, Haruki says; worry not!, because he knows how to open them with his front teeth. It’s a hidden skill, a secret talent.

Haruki asks him to hold a bottle close to his face so he can prove it, and Hanjae does so, but it’s a frail grip, not good. Haruki puts a hand over his to make it steadier, makes it worse. Another hand, a shove closer until their knees are touching. Hanjae adds his free hand into the pile, the lonely hand, and Haruki looks straight at him – looks like he’s saying, ‘Bet?’

It takes a second, really. A pop and the lid comes off in the company of an enormous foam eruption. Haruki gets both his hands away, does a smiley flourish: ‘ta-da!’

“But you shook it! Too much, you–!’ He laughs, and can’t stop laughing. Hanjae’s still holding the bottle and tries to hand it to him, but Haruki shakes his head ‘no’. “For you. It is for you.”

It’s bland beer, he takes notice when he drinks it, but somehow it tastes sweeter.

From the corner of his eyes he catches a glimpse of metal in a corner, and it’s Haruki’s new phone, exiled.

Hanjae is surprised to hear himself ask him, “Are the calls– the calls still coming? The ones from–”

“Always,” Haruki responds, eerily nonchalant. “Always will.”

“It’s not over, then? You still–”

“It is. It is over. It is over the way it can be over.”

“What wouldhe,” Hanjae closes his eyes, reiterates, “If it’s over, what would he still want with you?”

“What do you think,” Haruki asks, staring fixedly at the alcohol going from one bottle to the other. A bit of it it’s running straight to the floor. “What do you think people want with me?”

It’s said– weird. Something in his uncaring tone makes a lump of sadness form in Hanjae’s throat.

“Hyung, you know that, if you everneed to talk to anyone about anything. Me and the guys, we all– We all listen. We would listen.”

“Anything?” Haruki pretends to be impressed. “Big. That is big.”

“Seriously. I’m being serious.”

Haruki looks up at him. Even more alcohol spills to the floor.

“Okay. Okay, anything. Anything…” he hums, dropping the bottles, mimicking being in thought with an obnoxious pout. His mouth is now a purple dot, and his eyes a shiny brown daze...

Hanjae often catches himself wondering if he just knows. If he looks into a mirror and just knows that he’s beautiful in a way that looks hand drawn, that looks meticulously planned: a subject of equal envy and admiration. If Sangwon ever told him that, and if so, how many times, had it come close to enough, had he used the right words to say it, did Haruki believe him when he said it, or if he didn’t – what did it make him feel? What exactly did he make him feel?

Hanjae always thought he was so mean, so bitter. He can’t remember ever hearing him say anything nice to anyone about anything.

Hanjae’s staring, he’s realized, and his eyes hurt. He makes them look down to where Haruki’s got a firm hold around the slim of a bottleneck, tapping a weird rhythm into it, impossible to decipher. He has long fingers with hard skin on them, which isn’t something you would expect. He used to paint, used to do calligraphy; used to go to a prestigious arts academy during high school, all boys.

Hanjae’s still starring, and he’s too close to drunk to properly command himself to stop. He hears Haruki huffs an unheard laugh, suddenly, short and maybe frustrated, maybe not that, and Hanjae’s head snaps up to his face to meet it.

He’s being stared at, too – is being analyzed, too.

“I thought of something. Something I want to say, a thing,” Haruki announces. The grin on his face suddenly looks very, very sharp, like there’s something tugging the corners of his mouth up. “I will whisper to you. On your ear. ‘Gimme your ear and I will tell.”

And with that he comes forward, a sudden and ungracious movement, and doesn’t stop when they’re front to front, an inch apart. He climbs Hanjae up – actually climbs him up, his legs around the middle of his body, cageing him in.

Haruki grims again and it’s lazily, in slow motion. He puts a hand on Hanjae’s chin, tips it high, says, “Not your ear.”

He turns his head to the side. His nose rovers near Hanjae’s head, and Hanjae tries to escape it in reflex, but they’re all too slow, drowned in alcohol.

Into his ear, lips touching skin, Haruki says, “I know you like me. For a very long time. Since that one time. Ever since we went out, we got drunk, that one time.”

“Sorry,” Hanjae mutters, hushed.

“‘Sorry’,” Haruki laughs again, like that’s the funniest word there is, like it’s the meanest. It rings so loud, it has an echo. “Now you sorry?”

Hanjae sinks more into the floor, almost laying down, and Haruki follows, saying, “Are you going away? This close? I am this close, and you going away?”

They’re kissing before Hanjae fully processes how, and it’s a weird kiss at a weird angle; Haruki won’t bend his body all the way down, and Hanjae has to keep craning his neck to meet him midway, his elbows pressing against the tiles, hurting.

He feels a hand slide up his shirt almost immediately, and Hanjae understands, with drunken horror, that he’s being undressed – quickly.

“Ah, wait–” He says, and then can’t get out anything else: Haruki shoved a thumb inside his mouth, in between his teeth, as he goes for the spot where Hanjae’s shoulder and neck meet.

“You smell like home here,” he says, a goosebump. He buries his face there, opens his mouth above it, bites and sucks hard enough to make Hanjae jump  – for him to know it’ll leave a pinkish mark, evidence–

It’s exactly then and there that someone bursts in through the door, says a curse loudly, startles the two of them slightly apart, knocks the air out of their lungs.

“Close your eyes! I need to pee right now, right now, close your eyes!”

It’s a tall woman, this one – Hanjae sees her quick rush to the toilet and closes his eyes tight shut.

“If any of you try to act funny and take a single peek, I’ll fucking castrate you both– Hey! Hey, you, back on the floor, don’t come near, I’m fucking serious, I’ll kill you, you fucking–!”

The door clicks shut, and it takes Hanjae a moment to take in the lack of heat above and around him, to correlate the two: Haruki’s gone, walked out, left him.

From the side, he hears an instrident, “Can you at least cover your fucking boner, dude?!”

Hanjae rolls to his side, facing the opposite wall to where the toilet is; he pushes his knuckles into his shut eyes, for good measure. He waits for the girl to finish peeing, and tries not to have an anxiety attack or a heart attack or a nerve attack about everything that happened in the last ten minutes: Haruki on top of him, Haruki no longer on top of him, having to hear a stranger peeing.

“I’m done,” she announces, and he turns back to the same position as before.

There’s little dots of light in his vision, dancing. The girl’s using the sink now, and she has a blonde bob, so blonde and so short. It follows the shape of her mouth and up, even shorter at the back.

“Not a word from you, ever,” she warns, drying her hands on her skirt, pushing it down more, back in place. She gives him a pointed glare that makes Hanjae look down at the state he’s in, at his busted open shirt, a single button in the middle holding it all together. “Not a word from me. Now get the fuck out, please. People need to use the bathroom.”

And she gets going too, without closing the door all the way. The hum of the party downstairs carries over.

Hanjae inhales, looking at the bright ceiling light. His fingers have gone pruney where they were holding him.

[…]

Eventually Hanjae has to get out of the suite, and do a walk of shame back to the housewarming party. He takes down with him all the glass and cups he can manage, not a lot of them, goes straight to the kitchen sink, and begins to wash them, it’s done with them, goes for all of Sunyoung and Yoorim’s dishes.

Around him, the kitchen has emptied out – on the front the living room, mostly emptied out, too, except for little clicks. He spots J.J right in the center of the one installed in the couch, gesticulating enthusiastically, telling someone some story until they make eye contact. He stops, excuses himself, rushes near.

Up close, Jiahang looks at him, up and down, bug eyed, and Hanjae understands he didn’t do a good job of piecing himself back together.

He got a glimpse of his face in the mirror before walking out: lips glossy, bangs far apart and sticking up, somehow, not all the buttons of his shirt tucked in the right cases.

“Hanjae, oh my God. Dylan, Dylan, look!” He calls out, and Hanjae sees Chihoon appear on his left, face slightly dazed. “Oh my God, Dylan! Hanjae!”

“You fucking animal!” Seungsoo, coming out of nowhere, slaps him on the chest hard. “Who? Who who who who?”

They’re all too close, too soon, and Hanjae can’t look anyone in the eyes for too long– he just can’t.

He catches a glimpse of Blonde Bob Piss Girl in a corner, looking bored, on her phone, and stares at her for a moment too long. Everyone follows, looks at her too, and his bandmates erupt into enthusiastic ‘Eeeeeeh!’s. Someone, proprably Seungsoo still, raises his soupy arm up so he can be given high fives, and Hanjae doesn’t know what to do – to let the lie linger or to kill it. What can he even say? What can he say if not that–

Hanjae finds himself grabbing Dylan’s sleeve and tugging at it, leaving behind a damp. He feels like a little kid that broke something, suddenly – overwhelmingly so. “Where ‘d Haruki go?”

“Dude, I didn’t see him. You sure?” Chihoon asks, and Hanjae’s not; he’s not sure.

“Whaaaaat? Haruki came? Haruki’s here?”

“Great. Another one to hunt down. We’re never gonna leave this fucking place in time,” Jiahang whines. “Yoorim noona’s going to delete my number.”

Hanjae asks all of them at once, “We’re leaving?”

“Yeah, you didn’t hear? Sunyoung and Haegon ditched,” Seungsoo says, and Hanjae’s stomach drops. “It’s her house and they ditched, disappeared, poof! Yoorim’s pissed, told everyone to leave. And Taeng’s freaking out! Someone broke his little vase, someone spilled something on him. I think he’s gonna snap. We need to get that freak home.”

“Shit.”

“Yes, Hanjae,” Seungsoo laughs. “Old man was right, after all… Shit.”

[...]

They do a small search around the apartment, the balcony, and conclude: no Haruki anywhere, so they group everyone they have to leave, go wait to be picked up on the sidewalk in front of the Nine One Hannam gates.

“You just dreamed him up, Hanhan! Wouldn’t be the first time,” Seungsoo jokes. It’s a bad joke. O.z shoves him in the chest hard about it, tells him, “Quiet.”

Hanjae looks straight ahead, not at them. In front of him J.J keeps bouncing on the wheel of his feet, saying, ‘I’m going in the front, I’m passenger seat, forget it, it’s me me me me,’ even though no one’s putting up a fight about it.

Minwoo pulls up soon enough on the curve in one of the two black company vans, and downs the window just to give them all an open scowl, then a frown. “I’m only seeing seven of you.”

J.J circles the car to get to the front door, struggles a little to get it open. “Hyung, you’re not gonna believe.”

“I don’t wanna hear it, Jiahang.”

“Shut up, you do. You really really really really do. You were–,” and then he becomes aware of the slouched figure of Hanjae trailing behind him, turns and frowns. “What did I just say!”

“No, I’m…” Hanjae looks at Minwoo looking at him, one eyebrow raised, says, “Sorry.”

Minwoo pinches at his nose, hard. “Just get in the goddamn car, Hanjae, Jesus Christ.”

Hanjae thinks, out of everyone who has a driver’s license, Minwoo drives the shittiest. He needs glasses, he never wears them, he grumbles curses at every slow driver and every rush driver and every driver, in general.

On the way home, he stops the van only once, by popular demand. Taesong steps out to vomit, and spends the rest of the ride jittery about it, cracking his knuckles even when they make no sound.

“We’re so fucked,” Chihoon says when they park inside the dorm’s garage, rubbing his eyes. “It’s 3AM. We’re so fucked.”

While everyone rushes to their rooms to piece pajamas together and form a long row to shower, Hanjae’s elbow to elbow with Dylan, going up the stairs to the second floor as quietly as they can.

He and Haruki have, by far, the best room in the whole house: spacious, with a nice window. It used to be Haruki and Sangwon’s up until he got fired – some excuse about rooming with the manager to learn Korean quicker, about making sure Haruki wouldn’t sneak beer into his room. It makes Hanjae sick now, seeing it, standing so close to it.

Dylan tries the handle once, and the door doesn’t budge, only makes a stubborn click – locked.

Hanjae dries his hand on his jeans, still wet, somehow, asks him, “Is he– He’s in there? Or…?”

Chihoon rests his head against the mahogany and sort of sighs, sort of laughs. “Yeah, definitely home. He’s the only one with the key to lock me out. Classic. Just classic.”

“Get my bed,” Hanjae says – implores. “Use mine, you can– mine, I’ll couch.”

“You’ll couch?” Chihoon looks at him with the trembling smile of someone who’s about to laugh. It falls off his face quickly when he takes in the guilt Hanjae knows he’s wearing openly on his face.

“Hyung, I–” It’s out of his mouth before Hanjae even knows it. “Tonight, something – Something has happened, and I think, think I should– say.”

Dylan’s giving him an analytical once over, and he stops at his moving hands, on his marked neck, looks at the door again – locked. 

“Hanjae,” he says his name like it’s an insult, and for a moment Hanjae feels like it really is – his name, an insult.

He crumbles. “I’m sorry, so, so sorry, we just– I didn’t mean to– It was just, just a kiss, I think, and I– I–”

“You kissed him?! ‘You think’? What does that mean? What do you mean ‘you think’?!”

Hanjae looks around and then down, behind him. “Dylan…” he manages, airy, and doesn’t know what he wants the rest of the phrase to be, where he’s trying to take it.

Chihoon’s mouth hangs open, a painful disbelief, and then slowly shuts.

“You know what,” he says harshly, but not angrily – he sounds more disappointed than anything, more tired than anything. “I don’t want to know. Not now. I’ll know, just– Not now. But fucking Hell, Hanjae, you. You just had to, didn’t you? You saw an opportunity and you just had to.”

Hanjae’s breath catches. Dylan is a figure in his eyes, growing blurry.

“I’m taking your bed,” he announces. ”Eveytime he kicks me out from this day on, I’m sleeping on your bed.”

He storms off, his bare feet on the floor a sound until it isn’t anymore.

Hanjae knocks on the door, a small tap. Nothing.

He thinks of saying it again: sorry. But no one’s around to hear it, no one’s around to accept it. There’s no point.

[sunnydeized]

i just woke up to the news… our youngtaek, jibeom, and bomin thank you for everything you have done and given to us as golden child members. :(( i hope the best for your future decisions and careers. i will be rooting for you always 💙💙💙

i am still so sad though, i knew golcha anniversary meant we would find out about contract renewals today but our ot10… :((

woollim you still can’t support your artists well enough even after losing infinite… i just hope one day they could possibly be ot10 again…

honestly i have gone through a lot of this contract news as a kpop fan but it’s the first time i have really teared up after reading their letters… i really hold golcha so deeply in my heart and i am so grateful for what all the members have done 🥲

[aplateoflasagna]

When I heard Mashidam went on hiatus all those months ago, I was devastated. I cried writing a tumblr post about what I was feeling at that moment. Seeing the news now about Mashidam leaving Treasure made me feel empty. it's wierd. Maybe it's because I was at my job and I coudn't really express how I felt and now that we're already 10 hours later and I've had to chance to think about it, rationalise it, and finally come to terms with it.

This is a much better reaction than I thought I would have btw. Like yeah, it hurts, but maybe, somehow, I already expected this news. Eventhough earlier this day, I was still thinking about the possibility of Mashiho and Yedam going on stage at the last day of Treasure's Japan tour and singing a duet together to announce their comeback haha... It feels silly now, but that's how I was coping I guess. I really believed they would come back, but knowing they won't maybe gave me some peace of mind. The uncertanty is gone, the waiting is over and now the healing process can begin.

We'll never know why exactly they left. We can only trust YGE's words that Mashiho decided to leave because of health issues and Yedam left because he wants to produce music instead of perform it. We'll never know what happened, so I'm choosing to believe Yedam and Mashiho shared their doubts with the company during Jikjin era and were put on haitus before they made their decision final. Mashi and Yedam had about 6 months to change their minds and they didn't.

The timing of the announcement is suspect ofcourse but I honestly think YGE made the best decision they could have to let fans get used to the idea of Treasure being a 10 member group. It worked for me. When their hiatus was announced I was so devastated + scared that Treasure wouldn't work as 10. Losing their main vocalist + main dancer/lead vocalist... I didn't think they could do it tbh... But now I've seen them perform their songs as 10 and they do it so well. They've had a successful comeback as OT10, they are still a unified group. And now I realise that's why i'll keep supporting them: They are still a group of people I fell in love with. I want to see them succeed and make more/new memories with them. I'll never forget them as 12 but I want to move forward with Treasure as they are now because I just don't have another choice. Not supporting them just isn't an option for me.

I'll miss Mashiho. I think he was born to be on stage. During Teuday and during Trace, I was in awe. He's so talented and passionate. He has all my respect and it breaks my heart that he has to say goodbye to his dream because of things that are out of his control. But his health should always be the number 1 priority and so I can only wish him the best and hope he's happy in Japan with his family.

I'll miss Yedam. I'll miss his silly personality. The fact that he was still a little kid underneath all those responsibilities. I'm having a hard time accepting the fact that I might never hear Yedam sing again. His voice is truly something meant to be heard. Knowing he'll never be a part of Treasure again hurts, but the possibility of never hearing his voice again hurts even more. I can only hope that Yedam returns to singing someday. Even if it's little snippets on soundcloud, or covers posted anonymously or an album 10, 20 years from now, I'll gladly take it. We'll never know the reason behind Yedams decision but I have always worried about the pressure that has been put on him since he was 11 years old. Hearing him perform his unreleased song during Trace only ampilfied my worry. I could never quite listen to it again, because it sounded to personal

Somebody need help, somebody need love

Just living in endless loop of pressure

Shouting for help, looking for love all along

Yes, he trained the longest, has spent almost 10 years in the industry, but maybe being an Idol is what everyone expected of him, not what he actually wanted for himself. Or maybe being an Idol isn't what he thought it would be. I keep thinking about that one Tmap episode where a Teume told Jaehyuk 'If you decide that being an Idol is not what you want to do with your life, I'll still support you' and I can't help but feel the same way about Yedam. It's his decision and eventhough I'm sad, I'm happy for him. If this is what he wants then I'm happy for him.

Treasure will be alright. Teumes will be alright. Yedam and Mashiho will be alright. We all just need a little time right now to adjust to the new status quo.

I'm looking forward to the Seoul concert and the Japan tour, but most of all I'm looking forward to making new memories with Treasure

[blizzardfluffykpop]

Snow Fight

Summary: It’ll be your first Christmas in a new town. You’ve had no real success in making friends with anyone so far, even with the effort you’ve been putting into it. But it wasn’t until snowballs started raining down upon you that you garner some. 

Oneshot

Fluff, Strangers to ?? au

Word Count: 1,988

Shinwon X Reader

[Features! The rest of OT10]

Not Requested

Bonus Christmas Eve fic

[A/n: Ever since you told me that Christmas is celebrated on the Holy Evening, the 24th in your country. I just had to finish and publish this for you today, @jinkoh - I hope you enjoy it, even if you’ve already seen the draft. Have a wonderful evening! 🥺💖 Alternatively titled: New Friends]

------

You were new to town and getting used to everything, trying to join in on events and make new friends. But today, your goal was to explore more of this place. You’re walking through the town square. When you hear someone scream, “Snowball fight!” You gasped and tried to duck and cover, but the rain of snowballs was already upon you. You quickly build a little snow shield and make some snowballs. You throw some at the other people. When someone slides beside you and under your snow shield. He asks, “Teammates?” As his shoulder is hit by a snowball, “Yeah!” You quickly agree and build the snow shield out a little wider. 

He has a great swing, so you begin making the snowballs solely so he can throw them at them. He is quick, grabbing one and throwing it before ducking back down to prevent getting hit. You're both making an impact on your opponents. You can hear their yells every time your teammate hits them. He looks at you and goes, “I'm going to make a break for it and cover them in snowballs.” You both look at each other in determination. And you tell him, “Go for it!” As he goes for it, you shout, “I’ll cover you!” He takes the snowballs in his arms and rushes at them. You do your best to make and throw snowballs at the blurry enemies. 

He returns to the snow fort, drenched in snowflakes, and you laugh, which makes him laugh too. He slides beside you again to be covered by the shield. You make a few snowballs before joining in and throwing them at your more visible enemies. He makes snowball pyramids supplying you with all the snow he can get his hands on as you pelt them. As you both get into the groove of it again, someone on the other side calls, "Truce!" You both smirk at each other before agreeing to a truce, knowing you've won. He stands up, and you follow, and he says, “We make a great team!” You laugh, and he puts his mitt-covered hand out, “I’m Shinwon.” You smile and put your gloved hand in his, “I’m (Y/n).” You both shake, “You want to meet the menaces who started the snowball fight?” You agree, and on your way to the 'menaces', you tell him that you’re new to town and that this is the most fun you’ve had since moving in. He couldn’t help but grin, “I hope to continue to make living here fun for you.” You blush, surely from the cold wind. 

He introduces you to his friends who started the snowball fight. “Everyone, this is (Y/n). They’re new to town. Let’s show them around!” Hyunggu goes, “Oh, we should take them to our pizza joint.” Everyone agrees and looks at you, hoping you’ll approve, and you do. They lead the way, and Shinwon stays back with you. When they talk amongst themselves, they actively include you in their conversations. They turn the corner, and Shinwon tells you, “It’s just like a few more buildings down from the corner, but this place has the best pizza.” You smile, “Really?” He nods, “Yeah, we started going here in high school when they first opened. And we haven’t gone back to any chain pizza places since.” You nod, and Jinho pitches into the conversation, “Yeah, they make everything fresh and get all the ingredients at the market.” 

Hyunggu cheers, “We’re here!” And the door chimes as Hoetaek opens it, “After you kids.” You whisper, “Is everyone younger than him?” Jinho shakes his head, “All but me.” You laugh and walk in; the scent of tomato sauce, grease, and fresh herbs hitting you all at once. You realize why they love it with the checkered floors and general ambiance. It was perfect. You can’t see through the nine men ahead of you but assume they’re leading you to their table. Shinwon pats the chair next to him and squints at Hyunggu, who nearly sits down in it. He puts his hands up and lets you slide into the seat. You laugh, and Hyunggu sits beside you instead. You take a minute to put the rest of the names to their faces before looking over the menu. 

After another minute, the waiter comes over. And goes, “Why do you guys always come on my shift?” Hoetaek smirks, “Because we love you.” You read his name tag, “Hyojong.” And Shinwon tells you softly, “When he’s not working, he’s sitting here with us.” You nod, and the waiter catches you sitting in the middle, “Oh? Who’s this?” You smile, “I’m (Y/n). I got caught in their snowball fight.” Hyojong laughs, “Really?” You nod, and Shinwon points to you two, “We won.” He blinks, “The eight of you lost to two?” Changgu looks down and groans, “Don’t remind us.” Yanan sighs, “They pelted us.” Shinwon and you chuckle, and Hyojong shakes his head before looking back at you, “Alright, I know what these geezers want. What would you like?” You smile and tell him, and he nods, “I’ll be back in twenty?” You all agree, and Hoetaek asks, “When’s your break?” He looks over at the clock, “Whenever I want it… When I come back, I’ll pull up a chair. It’s a slow day.” They all agree, and he leaves, and everyone starts conversing.

Whenever you got shy and didn’t know what to say, Shinwon would ask you small questions like, “What’s your favorite vegetable?” And you laughed as you told him, and he smiled, “I love potatoes.” You grin, and he makes sure that whenever you clam up, he assures you that you are welcome to have input. It made you feel secure in such a big group. And when he isn’t looking, you take in all his features, finding him more attractive by the minute. While the rest of them were handsome and funny as well. No one held a candle to his light.

Twenty minutes later, Hyojong pops back out, and Yuto cheers, “Pizza!” Which makes you all cheer for it. Hyojong pulls up a chair and sits at the end of the table. Shinwon holds out his glass of pop, “To new friends!” You smile, and everyone cheers, “To new friends!” as you clink your glasses together before taking a sip of pop. You dig in, and Hongseok goes, “Parmesan pass down?” Jinho grabs it and hands it over to Shinwon, who hands it to you, and you pass it across to Wooseok, who passes it to Hongseok, who passes it around the table. It makes its way back to you again, and you use it before passing it to Shinwon again. 

Even as everyone eats, it’s still loud, everyone chatting away freely, and you can’t help but feel at home. As you eat and talk, you find your place and talk more freely with them. You didn’t see it, but Shinwon smiled proudly as you happily conversed with his friends. When he realized you were standing in the line of snowball fire, he swooped in, so you weren’t facing the snow devils alone. But as you worked together to win against them, he couldn’t help but feel his heartbeat faster. And the fact that you get along with his friends so well, he knew his heart had the right idea. 

As you finish eating, you all split the payments, “Don’t you dare tip me, you weirdos.” And you can see their smirks as they place the money on the table and rush out. Hoetaek wiggles his fingers at him, and Wooseok sticks out his tongue, “Oh well! Already did!” He shakes his head at them, and you both tell each other it was nice meeting the other. And you all head outside of the building. While everyone is talking outside the building, Yuto tells you, “They’re the kindest bunch, but they’re the worst. But I’m sure you’ll understand what I mean soon enough.” You grin, “I hope so.” 

You all laugh as you see Hyunggu visibly shiver, and Hoetaek scolds, “You should have worn a warmer coat!” As he shakes his head at him, Hyunggu pouts, “I dress for the occasion, not for the weather!” You all laugh, and Yanan asks, “You’ll hang out with us again, right?” You smile, “Yeah.” And everyone lets out a little cheer. And you smile as you let out a small “Yay!” And they grin, and Jinho goes, after a beat of silence, “I’d love to stand outside in the cold with you guys, but I do have to get home.” The others agree with his notion, and they all start parting and telling you that it was nice to meet you. 

As Hyunggu speeds home, you ask, “I thought he was wearing a warm coat?” Shinwon says, “No, I think he just met up with the other side when the snowball fight was coming to an end.” You nod, “Oh, that makes sense.” Shinwon waits for the last of them to clear the turn before he asks, “You want to get hot cocoa with me?” You smile, “I’d love to.” He smiles and walks you across the street to the cafe one building up the road. He opens the door for you and follows you up to the counter. He goes, “Two hot cocoas, please.” Before you can pay for yours, he’s already purchased both. “Don’t worry, I work here. I get them for like a dollar each.” You shake your head, still feeling dizzy from the whole ordeal. It all happened so fast. And his glimmering smile was the cherry on top. Something you didn’t know you needed to see before. But now that you've seen it, you can't get enough of it.

You wait for your hot cocoa in another line when he asks, “So, where do you live around here?” You smile and tell him the apartment building, “I do too!” You blink, “Really?” He nods, “Room 1211.” You gasp, “No way! I live on the other side of the hall, in 1210!”  He gasps, “It is a small world, after all.” You laugh, “It is.” That’s when both of your hot cocoas are served, “Would you mind if we walk home together?” You shake your head, “No, I’d love to walk home with you.” He smiles, and you both walk to your apartment building, learning more about each other as you do, like how he likes to play the guitar and sometimes the piano. You make mental notes in your head of what he says, and he attentively listens to everything you tell him. 

As you take your last sip of hot cocoa outside your apartment building, you dump your paper cups in the trash can. When you make it up to your floor level, you both slowly walk to your apartment, not wanting the day to end. When you reach your door, you have to hold back your pout. You slowly put your hand into your pocket and find your keys. You sigh, “I guess this is where we part?” He hums, “Yeah…” With all the bravery you could muster up, you ask, “Do you want to go out with me sometime again?” He smiles, “I’d love to.” He looks at his phone, “Are you free tomorrow?” He puts it away as you nod. And he says, “Let’s go ice skating.” You smile, think about your schedule, and ask, “Does 5 pm work for you?” He agrees, “I’ll wait for you outside your door.” You smile and unlock your door, “It’s a date.” And he grins, agreeing, “It’s a date.” You enter your apartment and hold back the scream but slide against the door excitedly. You hear his little cheer outside and can't stop smiling. Thinking to yourself, tomorrow and every following day in this new town will be a new adventure and make it worth moving here. 

[cinexo]

Exo’s performances at MAMA

↳ 2014: The New Age of EXO

[gotogethers]

Hi I just wanna say that within the time I've been gone I've dropped my juyeon, haknyeon and younghoon pc collections and decided to collect ot10 golden child 🤪🤪

[mymoodwriting]

Anomaly

F!Reader x EXO

Genre: Angels/Demons AU

Warning: Lies, Manipulation, Chocking, Burning, Broken Bones, Fire, EXO OT10

Words: 2.4K

Chapters:

One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Seven | Eight | Epilogue 

Prompt: You grew up in a happy home despite being abandoned as a child. Or at least it was happy until one revelation starts shinning a light on all the questionable things that surrounded your family. That is if they ever had your best interest at heart.

“They’re not your parents.”

    You knew that, and a lot more, although you made no comment. You didn’t know why you had been called into the principal’s office to talk about this, let alone with two other strangers in the room. Regardless they seemed to be expecting some kind of response and you could only think of one.

“Yeah, I’m adopted.”

“Well, yes, but the papers are fake.”

    Now that you didn’t know. You didn’t give anything away, but your mind was running a mile a minute. When you were little you were abandoned by your parents, Suho and Xiumin found you and took you in without hesitation. They already had a big family of adopted children, and welcomed you like one of their own. Since you were little you didn’t know much about the adoption process, they just told you they took care of it, and for the last decade you’ve believed that. Now you couldn’t help but question everything.

“Excuse me?”

“Y/n…” Your principal’s voice got soft. “How did you come across your adopted parents?”

“What does that have to do with any of this? What are you getting at! What is going on!”

“Please calm down y/n, I don’t know how to go about this either. These two gentlemen, Onew and Minho, are from child services.”

“Child services? I have no issues with my family!”

“I’m afraid you do.” Onew stated. “You’re just unaware of it.”

“What?”

“When did you meet your adoptive parents?”

“I-”

“Please answer the question to the best of your ability.”

    You glared, but complied. “When I was six they found me out in the woods. After taking care of me and contacting child services they learned that my parents were nowhere to be found, I was abandoned, so they took me in and adopted me.”

“Is that what they told you?”

“Yes. I remember waking up in those woods, you think I’m lying?”

“No, not at all.”

“Y/n, a little girl was reported missing twelve years ago a few districts over.” Minho said. “The girl was six at the time, she’d be your age now.”

“So? What does that have to do with me?”

“Are you aware you don’t exist?”

“Huh?”

“There is no record of your birth. The adoption papers, your school transcripts, any legal documents that can be used to identify you are all fake.”

“What are you… saying…”

“When you were six your mother reported you missing. She had taken you to the park to play, the area was surrounded by trees. One moment you were on the swings and then you were gone. You claim to have been abandoned by your parents, when in fact you were abducted, and raised with your so-called adoptive parents under false pretense.”

“No… no that’s not… that’s not true! My parents abandoned me!”

“Are you sure about that? You were six when you were taken, you wouldn’t know any better.”

“I…”

    That made no sense, yet you knew it was possible. When you met your family way back then, when you were a child, it would be easy to manipulate you, easy to lie to you. They’ve given you nothing but love, but the best of them, why would you ever question your life with them. Although something was making this whole situation worse, something only you knew. Your family was special, you knew that remembering things incorrectly was absolutely possible with them, which would make it much easier for them to get you to believe whatever they wanted.

    Of course you wanted this to be some prank, some lie, but all the evidence said it wasn’t. You knew your family could fake adoption papers, they faked transcripts for your brothers so they could come to school and keep an eye on you. These guys from child services didn’t magically show up to fuck with you, what they were saying was true, it had to be, cause no other reason for them being there made sense.

“I’m sorry that you had to learn the truth about your family this way.”

“This can’t…”

“If you come with us we can bring you back to your real parents, and begin inves-”

    You couldn’t stay and listen to them talk. Your world was falling apart and you needed to think. You stormed out of the office and down the hall, needing to get some air, ignoring how the lights flickered. You heard protests behind you but you paid them no mind, more focused on the tears and pain you were feeling. Everything was a lie, and it was sick to think that your supposed family would do this to you, moreso you couldn’t even think of a good reason why.

    You ran out to the soccer field, away from the school, away from everyone. You fell to your knees, a sobbing mess, trying hard to come to terms with what was happening. Hours ago you had eaten breakfast at home, smiling and laughing, happy to be with your family. Now all your memories were tainted, your entire being was tainted. In your anguish you notice how the wind around you was picking up, the blue sky turning grey, blocking the sun.

“Y/n!”

    You heard that though, your name being called out through the pain. You turned back to see Suho running towards you. He should have been back home by now, so you couldn’t understand why he was still on school grounds. Although that confusion was quickly replaced by fear as you remembered what you had just been told. You scrambled back, screaming.

“Stay away from me!”

“Y/n! We need to go!”

“I said stay away from me!”

    A bolt of lightning suddenly struck between you and Suho. It was powerful enough to knock you over, and throw Suho off his feet. You slowly sat back up, grabbing your head, and you saw Suho struggling to get back on his feet.

“You should listen to her.”

    You snapped your head back when you heard another voice. You saw those men from before, Onew and Minho, approaching from the other side of the field. They seemed different but you couldn’t put your finger on it, that is until you saw something sprout from their back. Your eyes went wide, seeing the giant white wings, the feathers shaking in the wind, they were angels.

“If you touch her, you’re dead.”

    You looked back at Suho, he was on his feet, but he had changed too. He had giant, crimson, bat-like wings, and he seemed angry. You had no idea what was going on, but you were afraid. The day had started out so normal, you couldn’t understand how you wound up here.

♥♥♥♥♥

“Hurry up losers!” You yelled up the stairs. “Or we’ll be late!”

    You grabbed your backpack and headed out the front door. Suho was already in the car waiting for you and the others. Since you were the first out, and usually always were, you got shotgun. Moments later Sehun and Tao took their seats in the back, a bagel in Tao’s mouth. Apparently breakfast hadn’t been enough for him.

    The drive to school wasn’t a long one, but you still liked staring out the window and watching the sky. It was supposed to be cool and sunny all week long, which meant spending time outdoors was a must. When you got to school you hopped out of the car, excited for the day, completely unaware of what awaited you.

“Stay out of trouble.” Suho said. “Alright?”

“Tell that to those two.” You pointed at the back seat. “I’m the perfect student.”

“I know you are.”

“Oh don’t forget tonight is the parent teacher conference, you and Xiumin have to come. My teachers will only say good things about me, but I can’t promise the same for Sehun.”

“Ya!”

“Alright, alright, have a good day.”

“Will do.”

    You ran off, wanting to see your friends before the first bell rang. You knew where to go, it was where you went every morning, but once you were in the building one of the teachers stopped you. They told you that the principal wanted to see you, and escorted you to their office. You thought it was weird, you were a good student, no issues, but you went along anyway.

    Sehun and Tao always stuck around in the car when they got to school. It was their least favorite thing to do, the worst place to be, but it was necessary. They also stayed longer for whatever Suho needed to say. Although this time he was quiet, just watching you go, his grip on the wheel suddenly tightening.

“Suho.” Tao questioned. “Is everything okay?”

“I’m not sure… something feels off… go get y/n, we’re going home.”

“We just got here.”

“Now. Before your classes start.”

    The two boys left their bags and got out of the car rushing over to the school building. They knew you well enough to know where you would be, but they wouldn’t get to find you. As soon as they walked into the school a teacher approached them and said they needed to talk about their academics. Sehun looked to Tao for guidance, and the two ultimately followed the teacher to an empty room where they were told to wait.

“We need to go find y/n.” Sehun reminded. “We don’t have time for this.”

“Hold on… Suho was right… something is wrong…”

“What? I don’t sense anything.”

“That makes me even more nervous.”

    After a moment the door opened and they looked over. Two unfamiliar guys walked in, and Tao immediately got tense, even though he wasn’t sure why. 

“Hello, I’m Jonghyun, and this is my partner Key. We’d like to speak with you about your… sister.”

“What does this have to do with y/n?” Sehun asked. “We were told this was about our grades.”

“This has everything to do with her. Besides, I am quite sure your academics don’t actually mean anything to you.”

“Who are you?” Tao hissed. “What are you?”

“If you’re asking that question then you’re not as powerful as I thought. Lucky me.”

“Answer me!”

“I’ll give you one guess.”

“It doesn’t matter, I’ll just kill you now.”

    Tao got on the desk and lunged at Jonghyun. He was caught in the air though, and pinned down to the front table by his throat.

“That was very cute. You will die here, but I do have some questions first. So,” Jonghyun looked to Sehun. “Care to answer them?”

“Who… who are you.” Sehun mumbled. “How…”

“Is y/n, as you call her, progressing well?”

“What?”

“Or have you been suppressing her abilities?”

“I…”

“Sehun…” Tao choked out. “Run…”

“I highly suggest you don’t.”

    The lights in the room suddenly flickered, the two gentlemen distracted by that, so Sehun took the chance to run. He bolted out of the room through the other door and into the halls, the first thing he heard were your cries in the distance so he ran after you. Although he didn’t get far before he was tackled from behind. He tried to get back up but that’s when he felt the hands on him begin to burn. That’s all he needed in order to figure out who was attacking, an angel.

    Sehun held back his screams, biting his lip. His eyes went black and he summoned forth his wings to throw off the angel. It worked, but not without damage. He could feel that something was broken but he couldn’t just stand around. He created black smoke around him, filling the hall and covering his escape. He knew where he had to go, and he needed to be quick about it.

♥♥♥♥♥

“Get him.” Jonghyun ordered. “Alive.”

    Key followed Sehun out the door, leaving the other two alone. Tao at least knew Sehun could take care of himself, and now was his chance to escape. While the angel holding him was distracted he dropped the act. Tao’s eyes turned yellow and he moved fast enough to change positions and kick his captor away. Now that he was free he jumped onto another desk. To cover his escape he filled the room with smoke and jumped out the window.

    Jonghyun didn’t care much that the demon had escaped, other things were more important. He held his hand out and it glowed white, quickly engulfing the room in a flash and getting rid of the smoke. He stepped out to see Key doing the same, well aware the other had lost their target. Despite the small commotion it seemed they had attracted no attention, which was good and would make their exit much easier.

“Check the school’s security system.” Jonghyun said. “We were never here.”

“Of course.”

♥♥♥♥♥

    Your eyes were mostly glued to Suho, seeing the creature he really was. You just couldn’t process anything, wanting to wake up from this nightmare. Out of the corner of your eye you saw Sehun and Tao running towards you, coming from the school. Fear couldn’t even begin to describe what you were feeling. More lightning struck around you, bringing you to tears. You knew you needed to move, but before you could get up you were blinded by something.

    You looked up to see Xiumin before you, eyes glowing red, giant matching wings exposed as well. Now you couldn’t really pretend that what you were seeing was some hallucination, with Xiumin so close, you could see how real it all was. A ring of fire suddenly formed around you and Xiumin, and you instinctively moved closer to him. He wasn’t focused on you in the moment, but you saw as he created fireballs and threw them at the angels. 

    Suho and the other two managed to get into the ring of fire as well, and then in a swift motion the flames engulfed you all. You screamed and closed your eyes, but you never felt the heat or got burned from the fire. When you opened your eyes the flames were gone, and you were at home sitting in the front yard. As you tried to process what had just happened the others rushed out of the house, asking about what was going.

“Later. Everyone needs to pack the essentials, we are leaving, immediately.”

    No one questioned Xiumin, rushing back into the house and doing as they were told. You scrambled to your feet, still unsure of how you were home or what had just happened.

“Xiumin-”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

    Xiumin pulled you close to him, back to normal, and pressed his hand to your forehead. You felt a familiar tingle in your mind before you passed out in his arms.

[bananban-feature]

Stan Talent, Stan Pentagon

So many reasons to stan Pentagon:

1. Self-Produced

They just have a ton of talented songwriters in here! Cube is popular for self-produced idols after all, like BtoB, another super talented group.

Hui is a composer-producer, not really a secret because he’s well-known as a genius as he also composed hit songs for other popular groups (such as Energetic by Wanna One)

Kino and Wooseok wrote a lot of songs in their albums too, including some of my favorites Spring Snow (Kino) and Nostalgia (Wooseok). Kino also wrote their special single Eternal Flame. Wooseok had a big contribution in writing my absolute favorite, Daisy (but mostly written by Hui), and honestly his songwriting talent seems to be underrated.

Jinho has also composed a few and helped write a lot. Yuto also composed songs (aside from his rap lines), one song being Camella that a lot of “unis” love. *Universe/Unis = fandom name

Both Kino and Yuto have their own soundclouds for the songs they write/produce.

Yeo One composed his own solo songs (yes, even as rookies, they were already composing), and they’re actually so good. 

Also, in general, they are so creative in their songs and performances. Example: their Road To Kingdom performances, and also their super fun b-sides like Round 1 and Round 2!

My personal favorites: Obviously the genius Hui, Wooseok (I love him so much!), and Kino (such a talented person)

2. Vocal Kings

Their main vocals (Hui and Jinho) are absolutely top-tier vocalists, two of the strongest ones in the kpop world (imo).

Jinho was LITERALLY a vocal coach of kpop stars. Incredible vocal range.

Their lead vocals Hongseok (actually now a main vocal) and Yeo One are potential main vocals! And their sub-vocals, Kino (honestly surprised he was a sub-vocal cause he’s waaaay too good to be sub!), Yan An and Shinwon, are on par or better than other groups’ lead vocals, imo.

Vocal kings of harmonization. I love it so much, they sound so good! They take after their sunbaes BtoB, the OG harmonization kings. (Song references: You Are, and Shine acapella version).

Wooseok and Yuto’s rap are also so good! Honestly, I go crazy sometimes, especially with Wooseok’s delivery.

Edit, random trivia: I actually found out Wooseok auditioned in Cube as a vocalist and a model. Thank God, he discovered his talent in rapping later on, because dang, this guy is SICK. His rap touches my heart. He is proof that the basis of what a good rapper is doesn’t need to be about how fast you can say your words.

My personal favorites: Hui, Jinho, and Yeo One (what a beautiful voice, and he’s so good and stable live, halp huhu, totally underrated), Wooseok’s rap (I’m a big fan, my eyes are filled with hearts)

3. Musical ability (in general) and Dance

Being composers/producers, they have a good understanding of music theory and techniques, especially for Hui (obviously, the genius), Jinho (as a vocal coach) and Kino (I think).

Musical Instruments: Almost all of them (except for Hongseok) plays musical instruments

Piano: Hui, Jinho, Kino, Shinwon - I have to make a special note here. These guys can really play. They’re not the type to say they play the piano but only press a few chords here and there a bit and sing a song. They play their keys!

Guitar: Yuto (he is really good! he posts electric guitar covers on Twitter), Wooseok, Jinho, Hui, Yeo One, Shinwon

Erhu (Chinese traditional instrument): Yan An - studied it for 10 years. Haha! This is so unique, I’ve never seen him play it, and it’s not exactly a useful instrument to have for kpop music, but I love it!

Edit: I also found out Wooseok can play the violin. Not only that, he’s won a violin competition.. I couldn’t believe it! Violin it’s such a hard instrument. It’s not easy to be good at violin, let alone win a violin competition. Wooseok really surprises me with the musical talent he has sometimes.

Dance: Quite obvious as a kpop idol group, even though admittedly they aren’t exactly the best as a whole group. 

But anyway, Kino is the main dancer. (Also known for being such a good dancer of girl group songs. Hihi cute)

Lead dancers: Hui, Yuto, Yeo One

Apparently, Kino is also the choreographer! I think he was the main choreographer for Daisy. (Don’t @ me, I’m not sure. But in general, yes, he does choreograph for the group.)

My personal favorites: Kino, Hui - this also includes stage presence.

4. Visuals

Their official visual is Yan An. (Pentagon is whipped for Yanan, btw.)

Other unofficial visuals, at least in my book: Yuto, Hongseok, Yeo One, Kino (but tbf, as a well-loved idol group, everyone becomes an unofficial visual)

Shinwon was actually a legit model before being an idol, and he became viral for being “the handsome part-timer” at a cafe Exo went to.

Men’s Health Korea models (YES, ACTUAL MEN’S HEALTH COVER BOYS aka gym freaks): Hongseok, Yeo One. *PS: I have a feeling Yuto will also be on there soon, one of these days

Let me just reiterate though that while Hongseok is known for his muscles, he more than his abs. He’s smart, funny, and talented, as you can see in this whole post. So yeah, basically, please don’t objectify him.

My personal favorites: Yuto (the reason why I checked Pentagon out in the first place! my heart went deugun deugun), Hongseok (what a great face, beautiful eyes), Yeo One (cutie), Kino (very very pretty face)

*check ending for gifs/pics*

5. Other talents

Acting

Literally THREE of them are musical theatre actors, and all were actually the main characters in their respective musicals: Jinho (already a theatre sunbae), Hui and Yeo One. Honestly, this shows both acting skills and strong vocal ability. (Imagine the strong vocal ability of the lead vocal, in PTG, Yeo One, a main character of a musical. It gives you an idea of how good the vocal line up is.)

I think some of them had some acting in dramas, like Hongseok and Yeo One

Update: Yanan and Wooseok are also on dramas/will be on dramas now. That makes almost everybody in Pentagon (still waiting for Yuto and Shinwon) an actor.

Another update: Kino is now hosting his second podcast with Dive Studios! :)

Randoms

Hongseok, Jinho and Kino speaks three languages pretty comfortably: Hongseok/Jinho (Korean, English, Chinese), Kino (Korean, English, Japanese) ---not super fluent but able to have good conversations. And foreigners Yanan (Korean, Chinese), and Yuto (Korean, Japanese) are obviously fluent bilinguals.

Kino drew and painted the album art for WE:TH / daisy. He even gifted a painted version to Hui for his studio!

6. Personality

Let me start by saying Pentagon is a crazy group. They aren’t really kids but they are so chaotic. I love that they have no filter!

Even the leader, Hui, who’s not really young, is very chaotic! Hui is actually such a cutie pie. And also so funny, especially in their TMIs

Hongseok is so funny, so witty, and has absolutely no shame. I love it!

Shinwon is very witty, and is known to be the mood-maker of the group.

Yeo One is a little 4D. He’s like a messy kid and sometimes has his own world. :)) An absolute cutie!!!

Kino is the sweetest person ever! He never fails to tell Universe how much he appreciates us.

Jinho is known to be the kind and caring hyung they can depend on.

My personal favorites: Hongseok (hilarious and crazy, has me dying), Hui, Yeo One (ugghhhh super cute personality!), Kino also!!!

Overall: They have a bunch of all-rounders! (My personal favorite all-rounders: Hui, Kino, and Yeo One) They’re so talented and deserve a lot of recognition and support.

Hui is my bias and my ult, but I can’t decide who’s my next bias.

Update: I think Kino is my next bias, cause he’s just so good, so multi-talented! I can’t with this guy. I’m even considering adding him to my ult list.

But my gosh, Changgu is absolutely adorable. Wooseok talent. Huhu idk if second tier bias or...

***Not to be this obsessive OT10 fan, but I really like Dawn (formerly E’Dawn), so I’m writing his skills as well: Great composer (Shine, one of my faves huhu), such a great Rapper (he gets some amount of hate for his voice, but I actually really like it!), Main Dancer (what a good dancer tbh), and very unique personality. I love him, he’s so talented. (But anyway, even with him gone, Pentagon isn’t lacking! They’re still so great!)

If you wanna see my fave visuals, click below:

The legendary Yuto ponytail

PG-13 Hongseok GIFs only!!!

Also PG-13 Changgu only 

Sweet sweet Kino

[gamerwoo]

Kino: Partly Cloudy

Characters: Kino x female reader (featuring Pentagon ot10 and Guanlin)

Genre/warnings: roommate au, demon au, friends to lovers, slowburn kinda, fluff, angst, some crack, lil bit of everything ig lmao

Word count: 8,043

Summary: As a demon that’s able to control the weather, Kino can’t exactly control it since he’s only half a demon. It only happens when his emotions are so strong and intense, and nobody makes him feel as strongly as you.

a/n: in the words of @neverknewgrey2016 “there isn’t enough kino content”. she also gave me this idea and i wanted to do it for her so here you go!!!!! it skips around a lot and it’s like kinda vague at the beginning because i wanted to just get to the main part where things start getting good, so it kinda starts fast (also I know I would’ve normally made Hongseok a demon and would never make Yuto a demon but Star got to me lmao)

Kino came across normal enough. Sure, he had his quirks, but everybody did. After becoming his roommate, you quickly learned that he didn’t like using the white mugs because he was afraid of getting them “too dirty”, he absolutely cared too much about sorting the laundry by color, he rarely brought anything into or out of his room, and his room was his space and nobody was allowed in it. He came off as friendly, but reclusive. Kind, yet deceptive. Sweet, but there was definitely something a little...off about him.

It didn’t take a lot to warm up to Kino, and you thought he was warming up to you, too. With your growing trust, your suspicions of him faded. The weird sense you got around him was hardly even in the farthest corners of your mind, which you still to this day don’t know if that was your own doing or some weird power he had over you. 

Kino, on the other hand, pretended to just be close with you. At least, that’s how it started out. He tried to keep some sort of distance just because he was who he was, and you were who you were, and it was dangerous for somebody like him to be around somebody like you. Not only that, but his ‘mentor’ kept telling him that this was wrong and he shouldn’t go befriending any humans. But with how kind and silly you were, and how he could tell you were letting your guard down around him, he eventually found that he couldn’t tell if he was pretending or just being himself.

Either way, the bond you’d formed with Kino over the course of a year helped cushion the shock when you realized your roommate and now best friend was actually a demon. Well, half-demon, which he stressed very much.

But hey, you renewed your lease together, didn’t you?

Kino never once hurt you, anyway. He never put your life in danger, and you weren’t quite sure why that was. He said he just wanted to live normally as to hide among the humans and help with the work he had to do that involved actual bad people and not just nosy roommates that like to leave their jackets and sweatshirts laying over the back of the couch. Whether that was really the case or not was something you’d never know, but you also didn’t press him on that. You preferred to nag him about what the difference was if you sorted the laundry or not, but that would also send him on a whole other tangent. 

There was one interesting thing about Kino that you never quite could get over, though. You didn’t realize it for a while. In fact, it wasn’t even until after you realized he was a demon that you noticed that the weather was sometimes controlled by him -- but without him meaning to.

He was especially annoyed that day. He was being nagged by Jinho way too much, and the smallest thing was going to send him over the edge.

All day, it had looked like there was going to be a tornado or a massive hole would form in the ground and suck everything down. The sky was the darkest grey it could be without being nighttime, and everything just looked scary. You could hear a faint rumble of thunder almost the whole day, and when you had returned to your apartment, you thought Kino’s face as he sat on the couch matched the mood outside.

But what set him off -- what made you realize his emotions could effect the weather whether he liked it or not -- was a tiny joke you made to try to make him feel better. It wasn’t even much of a joke as it was an observation. You considered it a compliment, but Kino went off.

Something to note was that you definitely had feelings for Kino at this point. You knew it was probably dangerous and stupid -- no, it was dangerous and stupid -- to fall for a demon, but you couldn’t help yourself. Even though you were just a mere mortal while Kino was some immortal being, you always felt like the two of you were just a couple of normal friends when you hung around him. He still liked to get giggly drunk with you on Saturday nights, he liked laying his head in your lap and making you run your fingers through his hair, and he never minded when he found you sleeping on the couch because of a nightmare only for him to carry you into his bedroom and sleep on the side of his bed closest to the wall to keep you safe. It was so hard to see him as something that could kill you because he came across as the exact opposite.

That was exactly what Kino was being hounded about, though. He was too nice with you. It was obvious he felt something toward you, and none of the other demons liked that. It wasn’t that demons weren’t allowed to mess around with humans, and falling in love with them technically wasn’t a rule, but demons weren’t necessarily supposed to fall in love at all. He was a demon! He was supposed to terrorize humans and come across as tough and cold. He definitely tried when you first met him, but as he started to get used to you like you did with him, he found himself unable to resist leaning into this fantasy that maybe somebody could love him. And he started to feel the same toward you. Besides, he was still half human. Some instincts and feelings just couldn’t be controlled no matter how hard he tried.

“I know you had a bad day,” you began as you sat beside Kino on the couch, reaching over to poke one of his cheeks, “but you’re really cute when you’re pouty.”

That was the comment that set him off. He was off the couch in an instant, turning to face you with completely black eyes that were his normal brown a second ago. Your eyes widened as your back pressed into the back cushions of the couch, trying to distance yourself from your roommate as he got in your face. It wasn’t that you were afraid he would do something to you, it was that you’d never seen him get this close to you with his eyes black like that before.

The crack of lightening startled you before Kino could even speak. It flashed as thunder sounded a second later, shaking the room from its volume. The wind blowing against the windows made them creak, and it sounded like ghostly groans outside. You curled in on yourself as you gasped, your eyes flickering to the window before they were brought back to Kino.

“I’m a fucking demon, _____!” he growled. “Do not patronize me, got it? You’re just some fucking human, and you don’t get to talk to me like that.”

You wanted to reply to him or at the very least nod your head, but you were frozen in place. You’d never seen Kino like this. Yes, you’d seen his eyes before when he couldn’t convince you for like, a week that he was actually a demon, but he’d never yelled at you like this. You’d never heard his voice get so deep and loud, and you’d never seen him get mad at you like this. Truthfully, it frightened you. It was the first time you saw him as a true demon.

Alternatively, Kino had never seen you afraid of him. He’d never seen your eyes go wide or your face start to pale because of him. He’d never seen you cower away, frozen in fear from something he’d done. But seeing all of it now had him blinking his eyes, the black disappearing and being replaced with the comforting brown you were used to. His clenched jaw relaxed, his lips parting as his lare melted into remorse.

The dark sky lightened to a light grey, and the terrifying lightening was suddenly gone. All that was left behind was a light spitting of rain outside.

“Oh my god, _____...” his voice was soft as he got down on his knees in front of you, cautiously reaching a hand out to you. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-- Please don’t be afraid of me...”

Your eyes were no longer on him. Instead, you were focused on the weather outside. It was twice now that it had changed so quickly, and it was just as quick as Kino’s changes of mood.

“D-did... Did you do that?” you wondered quietly.

Seeing your eyes were still on the windows, he knew what you were asking. He nodded just enough for you to notice, but he didn’t say anything about it.

Kino had frightened you a little -- more like taken aback -- but it was more the sudden crack of lightning and thunder that scared you. But still, even with your heart racing as it was -- but it was starting to slowly calm down now that Kino was back to normal -- you were still a little fascinated by what he managed to do.

However, that day was kind of a wake up call for you. You didn’t have a chance with Kino. He wouldn’t want to be stuck with some human. You were weaker than him; you weren’t on the same level as him. Kino was way out of your league, and even though it hurt, you had to move on. 

That was what you had gathered after a week of thinking everything over. You went from recalling that your half-demon roommate could change the weather if he felt an emotion strongly enough, to mulling over the words he had shouted.

‘You’re just some fucking human.’

So you spent the weekend after in your room eating ice cream and crying -- which Kino was keenly aware of even though it seemed to come out of nowhere so he was pretty confused as to why you were crying -- and decided to pick yourself up and try to move on.

“You wanna finally talk about that?” Kino wondered as you emerged from your bedroom.

You jumped, not expecting him to be right there. He was standing on the opposite side of the hallway, back leaned up against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. But his eyes showed worry and concern since you wouldn’t let him in your room no matter what he said during your two-day pity party.

“About what?” you asked, deciding to just act like nothing happened.

Kino just rolled his eyes, “You know about what. What had you locking yourself in your room all weekend?”

“Nothing,” you shrugged.

“Don’t just tell me ‘nothing’,” he whined, dropping his arms as he stepped closer to you. “Wait, was it because of me?”

“No, Kino,” you quickly reassured him. “It’s really nothing. Don’t worry your pretty little head.”

You reached up to ruffle his dark hair, making him frown as he swatted your hand away. He let out a sigh as he tried to fix his hair, looking up toward his forehead like he could see what he was doing.

“Don’t do that. I have to see Jinho and company.”

“Oh, so you have to look all big and bad or whatever?”

Kino only smiled sarcastically, raising his eyebrows. 

You knew the other demons were the reason Kino snapped at you. You knew they stressed him out to no end because they -- especially Jinho -- kept telling him how he was getting too soft. They teased him for acting how he did with you, and Jinho kept insisting he move out of the apartment and live alone so he could toughen up again. Kino promised you he wasn’t going anywhere, but he really just wanted his friends to shut up.

“I’d say to tell them hi but we already know how they feel about me,” you snorted.

“Don’t worry,” he smirked, “I’ll send your regards.”

-

“Wait, what? Why?”

You were slightly offended by Guanlin’s surprised face. Was it really so hard for him to imagine that you wanted to date? Sure, you hadn’t tried dating anybody for over a year, but still. You weren’t going to just sit around forever.

“What do you mean why?” you asked with a pout.

“No, I meant--” he broke off in a laugh seeing you so offended. “I mean like, aren’t you and your roommate a thing?”

You’d told Guanlin all about Kino and how you felt about him. He didn’t know he was a demon obviously, but he knew that you were hopelessly head over heels for him. You used to never let anybody use your really nice strawberry shampoo and conditioner set, but you would sit on the couch with Kino’s head on your shoulder and smile when you smelled it on him. You were never even one for cuddling, but you loved the night when Kino made you watch scary movies with him and would have to hold you in his side and promise no monsters would get you while he was around. In the span of the year and however many months that you’d been living with Kino, you’d changed a lot more than even your best friend thought you could.

“No,” you sighed, your face falling as you looked down at the table you were sitting at with him, “we’re too...different. I don’t think he wants to be with me because of those differences.”

“Differences like what?”

‘First of all, he’s a demon.’

“It’s too complicated.”

Guanlin decided to just drop that topic for a slightly different one, wondering what your plan was now. How were you going to get yourself out there? He’d never really seen you intentionally go out of your way to find a boyfriend, so he was pretty curious as to what you planned to do next.

“Actually,” you sweet smile had a hint of mischief to it as you looked at your friend, “I was hoping you could be my wingman.”

All Guanlin did was snort in response before he started laughing. You sighed, rolling your eyes as he doubled over in laughter. When he finally composed himself enough to talk, he sat back up and wiped a tear from his eye.

“You must be really desperate if you think I could be your wingman,” he sighed, still trying to stop smiling. “I don’t even have a girlfriend, and you think I could get you a date?”

“You have guy friends,” you shrugged. “I’m open to anybody.”

“My friends are not your type,” he scoffed, shaking his head. “I mean...if you’re actually serious about this, one of my coworkers is kinda cool.”

“When can I meet him?”

-

Whenever the other demons came around, Kino was irritable. Not so much that the weather would change, but he was still irritated. Especially because Hyojong and Wooseok made a mess of the apartment, so he hated when they decided that was the place they would drop by. Kino insisted on anywhere but there, but nooooo, they didn’t want to be seen anywhere else.

“Do you shoo her out of her own apartment when we come by, or is just a bunch of coincidences?” Wooseok wondered as he stared at a framed picture of you and Kino together.

He just shrugged, glaring at Wooseok’s back as he made sure he wasn’t going to break anything, “Little bit of both.”

Yuto only shrugged, sitting in the same spot on the couch that he always did, “I don’t really blame you.”

The last thing Kino wanted was you being surrounded by demons -- even if they were mostly harmless unless provoked. Jinho took his demon status the most seriously, with Wooseok and Hyojong mostly just messing around and causing dumb chaos for fun, and Yuto doing not much of anything ever. Honestly, Kino wasn’t really sure how or why Yuto was a demon anyway, but he wasn’t one to open up about his past. But he could understand why the terrible duo were demons, and he definitely understood why Jinho was one. The older boy was nothing if not an absolute pain in the ass.

“It would be easier if you just didn’t live with a human,” Jinho grumbled.

“Yeah, yeah, we know,” Kino sighed, turning around to face the shorter boy who was picking up your jacket that you’d left thrown over the back of the couch. “Can you stop touching her stuff? Ugh, why do you guys always have to come here?”

“Because you’re only half a demon and can’t go to The Underworld,” Hyojong spoke up with a giggle. He always loved to rub that fact in Kino’s face.

“Exactly,” Jinho agreed with a smirk, “Kang Hyunggu.”

“Don’t call me that,” he frowned.

“Changing your name won’t make you seem any more like a demon,” Jinho teased.

“Do you have daddy issues?” Hyojong asked, making Wooseok burst out in laughter.

Kino sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose between his eyes, “Dude, I think you don’t understand what daddy issues are. My dad literally raised me; I love him.”

“If only your mom would actually take care of you,” Jinho said, rolling his eyes. “Then we wouldn’t be responsible for you.”

That was the only reason Kino had constant visits and hounding from Jinho. He was half a demon from his mom, but she obviously wasn’t around. He didn’t know what happened to her, and he didn’t necessarily care since he heard she disappeared without a trace only a day or two after he was born. But being a half-demon, the rulers of The Underworld wanted to make sure he didn’t get into any trouble -- especially since his mother had passed down a power to him that he couldn’t control. Since she wasn’t around, Jinho was assigned to essentially mentor Kino. He had recruited his friends to help just because Kino didn’t really tend to listen to any of Jinho’s advice.

Jinho was a whole other story. He was a fallen angel that eventually got turned into a demon because he was spiteful and caused trouble to get back at those who kicked him out of Heaven. Kino didn’t actually hate him because he understood Jinho had his own issues, but he did wish he got a mentor who was less grumpy. On the bright side, though, Jinho did have his good moments -- especially when he got to see his angel friends when he visited the mortal world to check up on Kino.

Wooseok and Hyojong were clearly meant to be where they were. Hyojong was born to demons, where Wooseok became one when he died and immediately gravitated to Hyojong. Nobody understood how or why Jinho became friends with them, but they did seem to come in handy when Jinho got into one of his moods.

Yuto was an enigma to just about everybody. Those who didn’t know him well questioned if the higher ups made a mistake when placing him -- unless he was born to demon parents, in which case, he couldn’t control that. Others who had known him well didn’t talk about anything demon-like that he’d done. If anybody asked, they’d just say nothing before changing the subject. For all Kino know, Yuto could’ve murdered hundreds of people, so he tried not to be too comfortable around him.

“Did you just come here to complain some more?” Kino asked, walking over to Wooseok to rip the picture of you and him out of the taller boy’s hands before he could accidentally break it.

“We came here because of your little human friend,” Jinho clarified with a slight sharpness to his tone.

“She has a name,” Kino hissed, “and I would prefer if you’d leave her alone and out of all this.”

Whenever anybody brought you up, Kino hated it. He let them know he hated it, and they still did it. He didn’t want you dragged into any of this. He just wanted to be able to hang out with you without anybody telling him he couldn’t or reminding him it was dangerous. He obviously knew it was dangerous, but he knew he wouldn’t ever hurt you. It was only dangerous if these demons kept coming around.

“When she effects you so much that you cause a thunderstorm so loud it shakes buildings, we kind of have to drag her into it,” Jinho shot back.

“And judging from what she’s up to currently,” Hyojong spoke up with a grin and a giggle, “thing are going to get worse.”

“I don’t think telling him that will help,” Yuto spoke in his typical too-soft-to-belong-to-a-demon tone.

But Kino ignored the quiet boy’s words, eyes locked on the short, mischievous demon, “What’s that supposed to mean? Where is she? How do you know where she is?”

“Hyojong, don’t you have somewhere else to be a pain in the ass?” Jinho asked, annoyance dripping in his tone.

Hyojong only shrugged, “Not for another hour.”

“Is somebody going to answer me?!” Kino demanded. He didn’t fuck around when it came to you, so he was genuinely concerned.

To his surprise, it was Yuto who stood and walked over to him, “You know I think you should do whatever you want, but...Jinho was right. Getting so involved with a human is dangerous, and you should’ve gotten out of all of this when you had the chance. Things will be really hard for you now because you didn’t listen to Jinho.”

Kino groaned, running his hands through his hair, “But I don’t know what that means! Where’s _____?!”

Wooseok’s head snapped to look at the door, “Almost home.”

“Time to go, kids!” Hyojong called before he disappeared in a quick swirl of thick, black fog.

Yuto gave Kino a small, thin-lipped smile before following Hyojong’s lead. Wooseok wished him luck before doing the same, leaving just Jinho in the apartment. He walked over to Kino, standing directly in front of him and looking at him seriously. This time, the older demon’s expression wasn’t angry or annoyed, but rather concerned.

“We’ll be watching,” was all he said before he was gone, too.

-

Last week, Kino hounded you when you got home about where you’d been and who you were talking to -- when you admitted it was just meeting up with Guanlin, he looked very confused but dropped it. This week, he was hounding you before you left the apartment about where you were going and who you were meeting.

“His name’s Sehun.”

Kino raised his eyebrows, “Sehun?”

He didn’t like that he’d never heard you say that name before. If it was somebody you didn’t know, then...

“He works with Guanlin,” you explained as you did your best to fix your mascara that was clumping in a way that wasn’t cute at all.

Kino’s heart dropped, “So...i-is this like...a date?”

You shrugged before nodding, “Yeah, basically.”

A date? You’d never gone out to date anybody! Why now? What about him?

What about him? You weren’t his, and you weren’t supposed to be his. He could already hear Jinho scolding him for even getting jealous right now.

Then he realized this must’ve been what they were talking about last week. They knew you were off with Guanlin trying to get him to set you up on a date. They knew he was going to be jealous, which was why they were there. You really were the reason they were there.

You could hear soft rumbles of thunder from far away, but you assumed it was just the weather on its own since Kino seemed fine on the outside. Besides, why would he suddenly feel emotion that strongly? There wasn’t anything that could possibly bother him, right? He had said before himself that he was a demon and you were just some human. There was no way he could’ve ever felt anything for you.

“Hopefully he planned something indoors in case it rains,” you thought out loud, but that somehow only made Kino feel worse.

Unfortunately for him, things would only get worse after that. You’d come home that night to declare you were going to see him again, and another time after that. And after the third date, you’d come home with the most beautiful, dreamy smile on your face that would make Kino’s heart flutter and the drizzle outside that was all his fault momentarily lighten up. 

But then you’d announce he asked you to be his.

Kino would ask nervously what you said.

You’d tell him you said yes, obviously.

That night, the thunder would be roaring as lightening flashed outside your window. You’d be under the covers, wanting nothing more than to go straight to Kino’s room to feel a little safer, but you’d instead go to the couch like you did after a nightmare. You couldn’t go sleep in Kino’s bed now that you had a boyfriend, but you craved the safety Kino gave you more than anything. You still loved Kino, but you had to get over him. Sehun would help you get over Kino.

And Sehun was exactly the reason you woke up in the same spot you’d fallen asleep instead of in Kino’s bed like you usually did when you fell asleep on the couch.

That night, as you and Kino slept, both the demons and the angels stood outside your apartment building in their jackets and some under umbrellas. Their eyes were on the windows that belonged to you.

“You should’ve kept them apart,” Hui advised, glancing over at Jinho.

Jinho frowned, whining, “I tried to! He doesn’t listen.”

“We can’t break them up now, can we?” Changgu asked worriedly, gripping his umbrella handle a little tighter.

Yuto shrugged, “It might happen on its own now. Clearly, Kino’s upset.”

“Which is bad because this could go on for weeks,” Hongseok said, holding his hand out under the radius of his umbrella, letting the water fall onto his palm, studying the droplets. “We need to do something about it. We can’t let it rain like this for that long.”

“It’ll be over in a week,” Hyojong stated.

The small group turned to look at the demon who was looking between the demons and the angels. They were clearly waiting for him to elaborate. He could see the fate of others, so he obviously had more information.

“Kino’s going to scare the poor guy away,” he scoffed, finding the vision he saw of Kino going to meet Sehun to ‘check him out’ and intimidating the absolute shit out of the six-foot-whatever guy very amusing. “Did you guys seriously expect him to stay out of it?”

“He is a half-demon,” Yuto shrugged. “Guess that makes sense.”

“Can you see anything else, Hyojong?” Hui asked.

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t,” he replied coolly, making Wooseok giggle.

“Do you see what I have to deal with?” Jinho mumbled to his old friends.

Hongseok sighed before turning to walk away from the building, “We’ll have to drop by and speak with Kino after Sehun’s...gone.”

“Why after?” Yanan wondered quietly as the group went to follow behind.

“We’re not allowed to alter fate,” Hui explained to the newest angel. “What’s supposed to happen will happen, and that’s that.”

-

The only person that could change their fate was that person, and Kino had changed his mind after that night. Instead of scaring your boyfriend away like Hyojong had seen, he decided to tell him to treat you right. He told him you weren’t like any other person, and you had to be kept safe and happy. He didn’t flash his demon eyes, he didn’t intimidate him, and he didn’t act like you belonged to him. 

However, that didn’t seem to change much for the fate of your relationship with Sehun. He still broke it off that evening after spending the day out together. 

“I don’t know,” was what he replied with when you asked what went wrong, “I guess I’m just not ready for all that commitment.”

Not knowing his words would make things worse, Kino had pushed Sehun into breaking up with you because he realized he’d have to put in more effort than he wanted to currently. So you went home sad and mopey, but not too mopey because it had only been a week that you’d been dating. But Kino still sat beside you on the couch that night and listened to everything you wanted to get off your chest before bringing you to his room when you inevitably fell asleep on the couch while watching The Office.

But you weren’t giving up. You didn’t want the warm, fuzzy feeling you got waking up in Kino’s bed because you knew it was nothing but a friendly gesture. You wanted to get rid of the feelings you had for him, so you kept trying.

Chani was somebody you’d met through a long line of friends. Guanlin had explained the connection -- something about a friend of a friend of a friend, or however many ‘friends’ were involved -- but all that mattered was that it wasn’t one of Guanlin’s weird friends, and it was somebody who might help you get over Kino.

But when you told Kino about this date, he had the same expectations he had with Sehun. So the weather was fine that day, and you went on your date with Chani. And you came home and said it was “okay” and Kino didn’t worry. But then you texted Chani more often until one day you just dropped the term “my boyfriend” on Kino in reference to the boy he still knew nothing about, and the sky was grey and it drizzled for the next three days.

-

“How long this time?” Hongseok sighed as he looked up at the sky.

Jinho shrugged, “Hyojong said he can’t see that far.”

-

It took a month for Chani to decide it wouldn’t work.

“We’re too alike,” he decided.

You would’ve thought having a lot in common would be good, but because neither of you liked cuddling or hugging too much, and you were both more introverted than anything, things started getting awkward before the spark could really grow into much.

But this breakup hurt more than Sehun. You had time to make at least a few memories with Chani, and you started to wonder if your dislike of physical closeness was a problem. And, because Kino was your best friend and you trusted him, you asked him that.

Kino’s eyes went wide when the words left your lips, looking at you like he wanted to yell. But his voice was soft when he said, “Why would you ever think that’s a bad thing? _____, nothing about you is bad.”

“But Chani said--”

“Chani told you it’s a problem?” he growled, his jaw clenching.

In the distance, you heard rumbles of thunder. You chalked it up to him just being a friend and caring about you and wanting to protect you. Kino saw it as somebody making the person he loved more than anybody feel bad about themselves, and he really didn’t like that.

“Not technically...” you shrugged. “Just that he’s the same so we kind of clashed.”

Kino only grumbled to himself.

You slept beside him again that night because even though you didn’t like cuddling anybody else, you loved cuddling Kino, and you wanted the comfort. And yet, he somehow still couldn’t catch on, thinking that you only liked cuddling with him because you’ve known him for a while and trusted him.

-

You met the next boy on a dating app, figuring you had nothing to lose. Kino had seen you on said app and asked in disgust why you were on there in the first place. Why did you need to find somebody? Only dirtbags and assholes used dating app, he insisted.

You just shrugged and said you couldn’t be single forever as Kino grumbled to himself and left the apartment.

His name was Soonyoung, and he seemed nice enough. When you met up with him, he was funny and bright and had that same warm energy you got from Kino. Actually, he reminded you a lot of Kino.

Like the others, Kino didn’t expect this to last. He didn’t worry too much about it, but he also didn’t ask about your relationship that much, either. He put it at the back of his mind, and the two of you acted pretty normal. You were out of the apartment a lot more often, and you were on your phone more frequently, but you still made time for Kino so he hardly even remembered you were dating anybody.

“Hey, where’re you out to?” he asked as he saw you walking for the door looking a little more dolled up than normal. “It’s passed nine.”

“It’s my six month anniversary with Soonyoung,” you replied, looking at him over your shoulder with a wide smile.

Kino’s stomach dropped. It had already been six months? How did he not realize? How could that much time had gone by? Wait, that meant you loved him by now, right? Oh god, he fucked up. He really fucked up.

“O-oh...” was all he managed to get out.

“Don’t bother waiting up for me,” you continued as you opened the door. “I’ll be staying over at his place.”

You giggled as your cheeks turned pink, confirming his suspicions of just why you were staying at Soonyoung’s before you said goodnight and closed the door.

It absolutely down poured that night. And the next day. And the next day. And the next day. And the rest of the week.

-

“Well,” Hui sighed as he let his head drop back where he sat on the couch, “I can see why you get so frustrated.”

“But you really can’t control a half-demon?” Yanan questioned under his breath.

“He’s not a full demon so it’s not like I can force him into doing anything,” Jinho snapped. “He’s not really under my control.”

“Either way, maybe we should step in,” Yuto spoke up. “It’s dangerous for her if this continues. His jealousy will grow, and who knows what he could do to her?”

“Why are you so morbid?” Shinwon asked, eyeing the quiet demon.

“Realistic,” Yuto corrected.

“What if...” Changgu suddenly spoke up, studying the floor before his eyes glanced up to meet the small group that sat around the room, “it’s better for them to be together?”

“That sounds like an idea Yanan would come up with because he doesn’t know better,” Hui stated, crossing his arms over his chest.

“But it would stop Kino from changing the weather like this, and she already knows he’s a demon.”

“But that doesn’t mean it couldn’t end badly for both of them -- especially the human,” Hongseok replied easily, running a hand through his hair. “Hyojong, do you see anything?”

Lazily, the demon let his head roll to the side to look at the angel, “Nothing dangerous.”

All heads turned to look at the demon in question.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jinho questioned.

“It means who cares?” he sighed. “You can’t force Kino out of love with her, so what’s the point? You think he’d hurt her anyway? He hasn’t yet, and it’s been like, two years since they’ve met. What will happen is going to happen no matter what, and that means if they end up together or if he does end up killing her. We can’t change the path the universe sets.”

“But we’re supposed to guide it on that path,” Hui spoke up. “That’s what we’re created for.”

“And can’t you see the universe keeps bringing them back together?” Hyojong asked, raising an eyebrow. “We’re supposed to guide them to each other, not apart.”

The room was thoughtfully silent for a few beats before Jinho broke it with a mumbled, “That’s the deepest thing you’ve ever said.”

-

It took a lot to get the rain to stop. The city was flooding, but Kino couldn’t control his emotions. How was he supposed to stop feeling heartbreak? So The Heavens and The Underworld had to work together to somehow overpower the demon’s emotions enough to keep the weather under control. Both the small group of demons and the small group of angels visited Kino often, trying to get his emotions to calm down, but nothing seemed to work. He kept himself locked up in his room for days, not responding to you no matter what you said to him. 

This last time you knocked on his door, he almost growled for you to go away.  The people in his room looked at him in surprise, not thinking Kino would snap at you like that.

“You know what? I don’t know what your problem is, but don’t take it out on me!” you shouted through the door. “If you wanna rot away in there, then whatever! I don’t care!”

You turned on your heel and left the apartment, making sure to slam the door because you were upset. You were already feeling all messed up because you still hadn’t fully gotten over Kino, and then you and Soonyoung were bickering a lot lately which was getting really stressful. But now Kino was ignoring you and you didn’t even understand why. 

Kino definitely wasn’t himself lately. The last month, he’d been a little off, but only recently did he start ignoring you. You didn’t notice if he had been acting weird toward you since you had been spending more time with Soonyoung, but you definitely noticed the weekend while you were home. You and Soonyoung had argued about something stupid, and you wanted to just spend the weekend with Kino and talk about everything that was bothering you -- well, mostly everything. You knew he’d know how to comfort you and make you feel better. But instead, he made everything worse, and you left the apartment with a mix of angry and sad tears in your eyes.

“Seemed a bit harsh,” Hongseok noted, turning back to Kino once he’d heard the door slam.

“Yeah, well...” Kino mumbled, not moving from where he laid curled up on his side above his covers, “I deserve it.”

“Then why don’t you talk to her?” Yuto wondered.

“Because it’s better this way,” he grumbled, still refusing to move or look at either of them. “She never liked me back and she has her stupid perfect boyfriend anyway. They’re probably super in love and she’s probably not going to renew the lease because she’s always at his place and she’s going to leave me and--”

“Isn’t Yuto supposed to be the morbid one?” Hongseok interrupted.

“Why are you guys even around so much lately?” Kino wondered, finally glancing up at the angel beside his bed. 

“Because you’re a mess,” he chuckled. “Takes both sides to keep up with you, apparently.”

“And because I figured sympathy would work rather than Jinho getting mad,” Yuto added.

Well, at least Yuto somewhat seemed to care.

“You know,” Hongseok sat down at the edge of Kino’s bed, “you could’ve just told her how you feel.”

Kino shot up in bed, giving the angel a look like he was insane, “I’m a demon. I’m not supposed to love a human. Jinho warned me, and I already knew it was bad. I wanted to protect her.”

“Is this any better? Causing flash floods, and fighting with her?”

“Well I can’t do anything to fix it now!”

“Tell her,” Yuto suggested in his usual soft tone.

“She has a boyfriend!”

“Yeah, so you have nothing to lose.”

Hongseok nodded slowly, “He has a point...”

Kino groaned loudly, flopping back down onto his pillow. He covered his face with his arms, letting out something that was a mix between a soft yell and a loud groan.

“No,” he decided, letting his arms drop away from his face.

“No?” Yuto repeated.

“It’s probably better like this, right?” he asked to nobody in particular. “It’s better for her that she doesn’t know.”

Hongseok sighed, “We’re going to be regulating the weather here for months.”

Yuto got up from Kino’s desk chair, his neutral expression looking almost uncaring as he glanced down at Kino, “Then you better get yourself together quickly, because we can’t all follow after you to clean up your mess.”

While Kino had never heard Yuto say anything like that or seen him act anything other than neutral, he knew he was right. He had to pick up the pieces of his broken heart and carry on with his life. It wasn’t like you would care if he was heartbroken anyway.

-

Honestly, Kino didn’t expect to hear the front door open. Even more so, he didn’t expect to hear the sniffles and quiet sobs in the hallway. Had he not heard the crying, he wouldn’t have gotten himself out of his bed and opened the door enough to see you kicking off your shoes by the door and wiping your eyes with the sleeves of your sweatshirt.

“_____?” his voice was soft as he stepped further into the hallway. “Are you okay? What happened, why are you crying?”

“He dumped me!” you sobbed, refusing to lift your head to face Kino. Even though he’d seen you cry before, it didn’t mean the other times after wouldn’t be awkward.

“What, why?” he rushed out of his room and went over to you, placing his hands on your arms as he tried to look at your face. You just stared at your feet and let your hair form a barrier that he couldn’t see through. “Talk to me, _____.”

You sniffled, wiping your nose with your sleeve before letting out a pathetically sad laugh and shaking your head, “Because I’m destined to be alone and unwanted.”

Kino frowned, and the quiet afternoon slowly started to turn grey, “What are you talking about?”

You stepped away from Kino, turning to pace into the living room while you spoke, “Because it’s always something with me, right? Sehun, Chani, Soonyoung -- literally every guy I’ve ever dated had a reason or multiple reasons they didn’t want to stay with me. I’m too short, I don’t like to cuddle all the time and I don’t like hugs, and I’ll drop everything just for a puppy I saw across the street.”

The rain outside started to pick up a little more.

“_____--”

“And don’t even get me started on the earful Soonyoung gave me before I left!” you groaned, dropping your head back before you turned to Kino.

“_____, none of that is even--”

“I don’t clean the shower walls after I’ve had a shower, I leave my socks on the floor instead of putting them in the hamper, he didn’t like that I have a specific way of getting toothpaste out of the tube and that I kept fixing the tube when he’d squeeze it, I left my lipstick and mascara on his counter instead of putting it in ‘my drawer’ when I’d stay over, I--”

“_____!” Kino cut in loudly. When you’d gone silent, he took a step toward you, trying to read you and see if you even wanted him close to you. “None of that means you’re meant to be alone.”

The look on your face broke him, the rain outside hitting the windows in loud patters. Thunder rung out softly, his heart breaking for you and causing his emotions to even overpower those trying to control his power.

“How could somebody love somebody as flawed as that?” you whimpered.

“Easily,” he replied as soon as you got the last syllable out of your mouth. He looked at you intensely, still a couple feet away from you. “I love that you don’t clean the shower wall because I have a certain way I like it done to get all the hair dye off of it. I love that you don’t put your socks away because then I can sort them by color for you, and you get all happy when you see you have matching socks. I love that you get the toothpaste out from the bottom instead of squeezing the tube because it’s way more efficient that way. I love that you leave your makeup in the bathroom because I like that I get to watch you put it on while you softly sing to music on your phone.”

You thought he would stop, but he kept going, making your heart flutter. He walked toward you slowly until he was right in front of you, taking both of your hands in his.

“I love that you’re so tiny because it makes me feel like I can protect you,” he listed off. “I love that you don’t like hugs or cuddles because you always like my hugs and cuddles, and it makes me feel special. I love that you get excited seeing animals when we’re out because the smile on your face is the cutest smile I’ve ever seen and I always want to see that smile on your face.”

“Kino--”

“I’m not done,” he hushed you quietly, the rain still background noise to what was happening in the apartment. “I love how you leave the last bit of milk for me even if you wanted to have cereal. I love that you always offer me the last pack of fruit snacks even though I know they’re your favorite. I love that you never do anything on time because then when I remind you, you look at me with this big grin and tell me I’m the best, and god, the things it does to my heart.”

He moved his fingers to weave between yours, holding your hands to his chest as he looked deeply into your eyes. His gaze was so intense that you wanted to look away, but so hypnotizing that you couldn’t. The only things you were aware of were him, the heat in your face, and the thunder that had gotten louder outside.

“Don’t you get it, _____?” he asked, looking just as upset as you probably did. “I love you. I love every little thing about you. Every single thing you’ve seen as a problem or somebody has told you was a problem, I love it. I have for over a year, _____.”

“B-but,” you stammered out, your brain running at a million miles a minute as you tried to make sense of everything, “y-you’re a demon, and I’m just...some human. I-I thought--”

He shook his head, “I don’t care what I am or what you are. I love you with everything I have, and I should’ve told you sooner. I was scared you wouldn’t feel the same because of what I am, but I can’t let you see yourself so poorly. And even though you don’t feel the same, I’ll still remind you how amazing you are beca--”

His sentence was cut short when something pressed against his lips. Something warm and soft. His eyes slid shut as one of his hands released one of yours to cup your cheek, kissing you back. It was a sweet kiss that lasted as long as it took for the rain to stop and the clouds to disperse in the sky.

When you pulled away, Kino looked confused but in a daze, looking at you curiously with his lips still half-puckered.

“Who said I didn’t love you back?” you asked with a small smile. “I thought you didn’t love me because I’m just a human. That’s why I was trying to date...”

His eyes closed as he let out a deep sigh that made you laugh, “I’m never going to live this down.”

“Sorry,” you giggled, giving his hand that still held yours a squeeze.

“Don’t apologize,” he smiled a dazzling smile as he opened his eyes to look at you. His thumb softly stroked your cheek as his head slightly tilted to one side. “Just tell me that you love me too.”

“I love you,” you told him.

And you swore, the sun had never shone brighter than it did that afternoon.

[vskpop]

My 30 favourite songs of 2018

YouTube playlist ⋅ Spotify playlist

30. Heroine – Sunmi

I hesitate to call Sunmi feminist – does she consider herself one? Can k-pop really be feminist? – but her matter-of-factly, eyes-wide-open songs that touch on the position of women in relationships and in society are the closest thing to genuine female empowerment I’ve seen in k-pop. It doesn’t hurt that every single one of her songs is amazing.

29. Bboom Bboom – Momoland

Considering I usually hate “viral” songs – I’ve been brainwashed to like Gangnam Style just recently – I’m still shocked at how much I love Momoland’s Bboom Bboom. I’m also proud to say that I was an early adopter of the song, and watching their success skyrocket made my Q1. I’m still not tired of the sax line and of the “GREAT!” shouted during performances. This song (and Momoland, really) is just irresistible.

28. Retro Future – Triple H

The last ever song by Triple H (anger abounds) is just a taste of the genre-bending, sound-mixing, absurd-lyric-writing that we could have gotten for many years. Their retro-future has nothing to do with the Jetsons, and much more with insane 80’s synths and, well, that sexy vibe.

27. Love Shot – EXO

Well, EXO, that was last minute. My ambivalence towards EXO is represented by this song, which I both find ridiculous and adore at the same time. This song’s luscious synths and layered vocals make it elegant, then the performance makes it kitsch. I don’t know if I’ve been brainwashed, but it’s so great.

Other songs of note: Electric Kiss – Tempo – Gravity

26. Not That Type – Gugudan

A thousand times yes for Gugudan doing edgier concepts. Not That Type is the spiritual successor to A Girl Like Me, and it’s almost as good. This song, however, is even tougher and more explosive. The new 8-member Gugudan is off to a great start.

Other songs of note: The Boots – Shotgun

25. Beautiful Feeling – Day6

Yet again, it’s my special skill to ignore all the popular songs that a group has, and in this case the rock vibe that defines it, and pick the sweetest, mellowest song they’ve put out. Day6 make some amazing power ballads, and Beautiful Feeling gives me warm and fuzzy feelings every time I listen to it.

Other songs of note: Days Gone By – Headache – Shoot Me – Somehow

24. Dinner – Suho ft. Jane Jang

I don’t know how the powers that be decided that this duet should happen, but the result is everything. Jane Jang’s one-of-a-kind voice layers beautifully over Suho’s, who ended up being often overlooked as an EXO vocalist for all these years.

23. Remember Me – Oh My Girl

Every single Oh My Girl put out is juicy in its on way. They may always go back to their foundational dreamy pop, but they never fail to throw in a twist. Remember Me’s EDM flavour and heavy rap are a total change from Secret Garden, but the song still blossoms into a romantic, airy chorus, and all of the members find something to sink their teeth into.

Other songs of note: Secret Garden – Magic – Love O’Clock

22. La Vie en Rose – IZ*ONE

My resolve to ignore the existence of IZ*ONE (and survival show groups in general) faded at the first two octaves of La Vie En Rose. This song does so much with so little: the atmosphere it creates, and the contrast between the powerful pre-chorus and the understated chorus are what makes the song for me. In the meantime I’ve started to learn their names, so I’m doomed.

21. I Want You – SHINee

SHINee’s constant stream of releases this year is at the same time a new beginning and the beginning of the end. It’s hard to imagine that a whole year has passed since Jonghyun, and it’s hard to think that the group has survived even though these songs are concrete proof. I really struggled to make it through the more melancholy songs, so I picked I Want You out of a series of basically perfect tracks.

Other songs of note: Good Evening – Chemistry – Electric – Who Waits For Love – Countless – Our Page

20. LATATA – (G)I-DLE

I would be surprised if there was a single Boombayah lover who didn’t love this song. It has the same (pseudo-Indian?) influences, the same rhythms, the same anthemic quality. Latata is catchy, hypnotic, fun, and showcases all the members equally (ok, maybe Soyeon a bit more than everyone else). This is a textbook debut for 2018.

Other songs of note: Maze

19. 1, 2, 3! – Seungri

Here’s someone who usually did club music and for once didn’t, and I loved it anyway! 1,2,3!  is retro, guitar-led and much more lighthearted than anything Seungri has ever done. It’s lovely to see a less sultry (and a biiiiit slimy?) side of him. Also Anda.

Other songs of note: Hotline – Where Are You From

18. 22 Century Girl – fromis_9

I feel that my obsession with fromis_9 is still at its earliest stage, and that by the end of 2019 I will have gone totally mad for them. I am in love with their singles – To Heart, Love Bomb, what instant classics! – but the whirlwind of sounds of fever dream 22 Century Girl have stolen my heart.

Other songs of note: To Heart – Love Bomb

17. Blue Moon – Gyeong Ree

Another one for the theme of this list: house! Give me all of it in your pop songs! Here’s hoping that Gyeong Ree (wasn’t it easier when she spelled it Kyungri? Anyway) continues her solo career with such intriguing, sophisticated but super-fun songs.

16. Stay Here – Sojung

I don’t know exactly, but I cry my eyes out more often than not when I hear this song. Ladies’ Code’s Sojung’s voce is as light as a feather, until it explodes in the soaring chorus. Everybody knows that I love any power ballad, but the complex emotional balance of this one is just on another level.  

15. Now or Never – SF9

I can’t say I’ve been following SF9 as idols, but I have been listening to all their releases and they have given me nothing but quality. I know I complain about songs with drops, but the deep house (yep, again) and that sensual “jealous” have been killing me ever since they came into my life. It might be my favourite hook of 2018.

14. I Love You – EXID

I was a bit taken aback by EXID’s Lady earlier in the year, but it was love at first listen with I Love You. The distorted hook opens and holds together a song that has all the best of EXID, including Solji, who has returned stronger than ever with flawless vocals and zero shame.

Other songs of note: Lady

13. Dejavu – NU'EST W

You guessed it – house. Nothing has given me as much joy as the rise of NU’EST W, and I’ve been even happier because they did it with superb, incredibly on-trend songs while retaining the dark charm of their pre-success material. They really leaned into the “sexy bandit” thing, and I’m all for it.

Other songs of note: YlenoL – Shadow – Feels – Help Me

12. Oh! My mistake – APRIL

This song is fluffy and super-poppy and at the same time side-eye in music, if that was ever possible. The super-innocent and cute concept that APRIL have been doing since forever is now tinged with tongue-in-cheek sarcasm, and a little creepy synth that perfectly matches the theme of the track. It’s so addictive and so delicious.

Other songs of note: Oh-e-Oh – BEEP

11. Snapshot – IN2IT

I love when smaller groups do really, really great and out of the box stuff instead of copying their more successful peers. I’ve watched countless performances, entranced by the bass that opens the song, holding my breath for that “heartbeat go fast, heartbeat go slow”. This is one sexy song, and IN2IT are one good rookie group that I will keep my eye on.

10. Timeless – NCT U

Leave it to me to find the most niche release a super-popular group has had, and fall in love with it so deeply that the rest (most of which I hated, not sorry) doesn’t count. NCT are too big of a group with some really, really good singers hiding in the back line while the rappers swagger about. I loved that some of them got their chance to show off and I adore this poetic, heartbreaking song.

Other songs of note: Boss – Baby Don’t Stop – Replay (PM 01:27)

9. Shine – Pentagon

I have to wonder if this song would have been higher in my charts if it wasn’t for the bloodbath that was of Pentagon and their career after this song came out. It’s such a pity that such a feelgood song has become, well, not so feelgood. This song’s wonky piano riff and anthemic chorus are still a delight, and their personality really shines (LOL) through. OT10 forever.

Other songs of note: Off-road

8. The Grand Dreams – Minseo

Where did Minseo even come from? Why hasn’t she been here our entire lives? Her dreamy vocals have been giving me life this year, and her refined musical sense (or of her producers, really) is a breath of fresh air when everything gets a bit to same-y in k-pop.

Other songs of note: Is Who

7. One of Those Nights – Key ft. Crush

Key came in last minute and slapped us all in the face with a perfect album that is reminiscing of SHINee’s work from earlier in the year, but also shows his personality as an artist. The lead single One of Those Nights moves fast and interweaves the melancholy of the lyrics in the music. Both Key and Crush are shockingly good vocalists, but together they just make each other shine even more.

6. Allegro Cantabile – Nature

Random music terms / Italian? I had to check it out. Nature put out something that’s a musical number, j-pop anime opening and k-pop bubblegum all in one. Their vocals are amazing and they are adorable. I’m excited to follow them into 2019.

5. DDU-DU DDU-DU – BLACKPINK

Is this Blackpink’s best offering? No. But what does it say when your not-best is still miles ahead of the competition? Blackpink have been doing k-pop bangers better than anyone else, and DDU-DU DDU-DU, from Jennie’s spitfire rap to Rosé’s melodies, hits all the right spots (like a ddu-du ddu-du).

Other songs of note: See U Later

4. Puzzle Moon – GWSN

This song is so good. These girls are so good. As I put together this list, I realised how much all I wanted in 2018 was a good deep house sample, and GWSN delivered. The bass contrasts elegantly with the tiny voices, and the obscure chorus – “make it moon” – emphasizes the magical atmosphere of this song.

3. Air – Winner

I miss old Winner. New Winner’s YOLO swag annoys me at best, so I dig through their b-sides in search for what we lost when Taehyun left. Air’s appropriately breathy chorus and gentle, romantic atmosphere did it for me and managed to put Winner on my podium yet again. Good job, Winner. Now stop it with the tropical house.

Other songs of note: We Were – Movie Star – Raining – Have A Good Day

2. KILLING ME – iKON

The year started well for me (and everyone else) and iKON with Love Scenario, but I had no idea of where it would bring us. Killing Me’s bitter, moody atmosphere made for the dance song of my dreams. The decisive beat and array of distortions somehow create an eerie, understated atmosphere. It’s a dance song, but make it sad and a little creepy.

Other songs of note: Love Scenario – Rubber Band – Beautiful – Perfect – Freedom – Don't Let Me Know

1. Oh My – Monsta X

I know. I am annoying myself by picking a b-side as my favourite song of the year, but here we are. Monsta X have become one of my very favourite groups and, while their album songs have always been amazing, to me Oh My summarizes everything I love and everything I want from them. In a year of minimalism, it’s loud, larger than life, unafraid of bleeps and bloops, rich in both vocals (Kihyun!) and proper rap sections. It’s the powerhouse that I expect from them and I hope to hear again and again.

Other songs of note: Jealousy – Destroyer – Fallin' – Spotlight

[uni6bebe-blog]

I’m sorry but I really need to fucking say something about this bc it’s been bothering me..

I love Pentagon and I’m gonna stan them regardless. I will stan them as OT10 and I will stan them if they aren’t but what’s really making me mad is how everybody keeps disregarding Yanan as if he isn’t even apart of Pentagon... Like I get it, Yanan is gone due to health reasons but at the same time he’s still apart of the group too!!! Also maybe E’Dawn was the one who decided not to promote Thumbs Up because he wanted to take a break to himself or to figure stuff out but that’s something we will actually know. If anything I too, as a Universe want E’Dawn back doing activties. Every single comment is about Hyuna and E’Dawn which I understand but what about Yanan? Bring them both back!

- Admin Saree

[leeshuitaek]

rules: tag 15 people you want to get to know better

tagged by: @kihnos​ (thanks e love u ♥)

relationship status: single (ahahh.....) fave color: white, black, pastels (rose quartz and serenity...? c;) lipstick or chapstick: chapstick! i always forget i have lipstick on and then eat a whole bunch and wipe my mouth with a napkin, and voila it’s all gone LOL three fave foods: uhhh this is hard alskdjf....pizza (with pineapple!), sushi/poke, alfredo pasta song stuck in my head: nct dream - we go up last song i listened to: baekhyun x loco - young last movie i watched: i jumped on the bandwagon and watched to all the boys i’ve loved before bc everyone was talking about it HAHA top 3 tv shows: stranger things, game of thrones (im actually starting to go through and read the books!!!), and idk for the third but i’m in the middle of watching what’s wrong with secretary kim books i’m currently reading: the game of thrones book series, but i’m also rereading the harry potter series heh last thing i googled: literally one minute ago-- “tv shows quotes or italics” lmfao time: 11:08am (i just woke up...) how many blankets do you sleep with: just one and a bunch of stuffed animals dream trip: a tour of east asia (korea, japan, china, vietnam) but i would also like to visit big cities in europe....london, paris, rome, etc anything you want: to not fail my classes this semester, to do well on my PCAT and get into pharmacy school, to graduate, and for ptg to come back as ot10 soon

i’m just gonna tag some mutuals bc i talk to like two (2) people on here and want to get to know you guys: @soft-pentagon @yeosprout @woosoek and anyone else who would like to do it (you can just say i tagged you)

[nishihiroto]

ahh ive never met someone whos also read gardians of gahoole!! it was such a good series <3

as for biases im ot10! i bias all of them bc theyre all just so funny and cute and loveable <3 i do have a softspot for yanan and hui tho

with yanan he just caught my eye when i watched pentagon maker! he was so cute and endearing funny and had so many moments that made me fall in love with him first (i love my girl julie + how he had forgot the food hui asked him to get twice + yan soon + the peppero kiss with changgu + his letter to the members). as time went on i really liked seeing him get out of his shell and grow into the person he is today! how he has gone on so many shows to represent pentagon and how he has become healthier and happier and im so happy that he feels better now after his hiatus and i hope he has good health for the extended future <3

with hui, his performance of "for you" really solidified his status as my second favorite child. the way he cares about all the members so thoroughly and deeply and cries so easily when anything happens to them individually or as a group. i love how he puts his all into trying to make pentagon a name to remember (and i think hes done a fantastic job with it). plus hes just a funky little guy! he loves hugs and cuddles and holding hands! he loves being silly and makes a siren sound when he enters a members vlive! he makes a fool of himself just to make everyone laugh because he likes being silly!!! ugh i love him

honestly i could write an essay about what i love about each member and ive barely included everything that endears me to yanhui shdksg like i love how wooseok loves being the baby (penjelbe my beloved) and how changgu purposefully leans into being 'unfunny' just to be a nusance and how shinwon would do anything for the members (driving 3 hours to get hongseok a cake for his bday) and how jinho cares for everyone as the oldest members, esp hui bc hes the only hyung he has in the group and—

ugh i need to stop before i clog up ur inbox no joke i love them all so much dgdkgsak

anyways! was there an exact moment that u were like "OH this one is my bias no doubt" or was it just a growing general fondness toward them?

-🍄 anon

omg this brought me such joy to read!! i can tell how much you love them and it's so lovely 🥺i totally agree with everything you said here - especially about hui! hui is really one of, if not the, best leaders in kpop in my opinion. he cares so much about every member and works so hard to keep the group going through hard times. he's sacrificed so much for pentagon and i have so much respect and admiration for him!

hmmmmm so wooseok stood out to me right away, one of the first ptg mvs i saw was basquiat and he really shines in that one. i loved him rapping and his adorableness right away. yuto i sort of came to over time, the more content i watched and the more i listened to i just really fell in love with who he is and also his talent! it was a slower progression for me. same for changgu, he became my bias wrecker after do or not era because he really stood out during that to me!

[lov3ric]

for real these toxic qrts want us to listen to them but they don't want to do the same for us, because in their minds anyone that disagrees is wrong. and.. how- where do these people come from? they're not even fans either so the hate/dislike speaks for themselves

people love to get offended for others which is twitter's pattern. some just think an apology is where it can end but maybe it can become worse. people don't care what will happen as long as an "i'm sorry" is said

people will also never be satisfied no matter what he'll do

exactly, so many people who cause/engage in drama on twt are very clearly not real fans and 99.9% of the time are not even part of the group/demographic of people that have the right to speak their opinion on it/be offended in any way

they really won’t, he’s done everything he can do and there was/is absolutely no reason for things to have gone this far and seeing ot10 is just dumb and fucked up 

[heoneyology]

Also in the time I've been gone I literally dropped my juyeon, younghoon and haknyeon collections and started collecting ot10 golcha I'm insane 🥸🥸

LOL DAMN I knew you were collecting golcha from twitter but omg 😂😂😂