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#that there are people who are gonna care even if you dont think there's any motive to
walnutcookie · 1 day
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What have you been thinking about lately? (:
HI THANK U SO MUCH FOR THIS ASK . SMILES SO BIG!!!!!
i have been thinking about walnut so much lately.. more specifically her character development as well as her relationship to both roguefort and her mother. ill focus on her and roguefort more in this post though :] im gonna try to be comprehensible in this one but thisll be a doozy
reblogs ok!
what i find interesting is that in every case we've seen walnut and roguefort BESIDES their release event, walnut has always defended them. In the butter painting affair she knew that they would have left a calling card, in the lost holiday she knew that they wouldnt have done any harm to eggnog cookie, and in face the trial she knew they wouldnt have stolen something with such little value. Theres a big contrast between her first interaction with them in their release event and how she treats them from that point on, and its clear that they dont have quite the rivalry that was shown in that first event. Walnut isnt nipping at their heels every chance she gets lol
i think that from the start, roguefort has always been fond of her,, in a mentor or parental way almost; they see her potential. they see her skill. they want to watch her grow, to see her learn from her mistakes and become a better detective and a better person. in the lost holiday the calling card was a gift itself - they know how much she loves doing detective work and they want to encourage her, though if they break character then the game isnt fun anymore and it feels less genuine ,, so they observe her from a distance. I do think that they wish they could care for her more but they have to be discreet about it since theyre. yknow. A thief and supposed to be her most hated rival (be weird abt these two btw and i will eat your fingers)(dont ship them)
i dont know if this was intended to be canon or not, but thinking about how roguefort left in their release event feels,,, strange? If the boat was far enough from the docks that nobody was trying to stop them, then surely they couldve escaped with the jewel still in their hands. sure, they threw to distract everyone and allow them to escape, but there was a Whole crowd of people there ? if walnut had caught the gem, someone else could have jumped onto the boat and caught them. i like to interpret it as them trying to reward walnut. While they werent going to turn themself over just like that, they wanted to give her a prize for being smart enough to solve their puzzle. They wanted to encourage her by giving her back the gem, even if Cheesecake had a spare and nothing would have really changed if they had kept it :]c
heres my interpretation of them, and its mainly based off of the lines "One logical answer always exists!" "One logical answer? Sounds rather... dull."
in the start, walnut did consider them rivals. She was pretty young at the time and still figuring the world out so she saw them basically as a supervillain, basically just a person filled with pure evil intent and thats... Obviously not who they are. but little wawer just saw someone stealing and went Ah evil!! Evil!!!!! you are WRONG and you must be STOPPED!!! And thus their rivalry began. Also why she was so bitter towards them in the first event :]
in the events of search for lost time/pursuit of lost time, though - and keep in mind, this is completely based on my own headcanons since we hardly know anything abt these costumes - walnut realizes a shift in their behavior. At some point, they even put their own life on the line just to save her... would an evil, cruel person really do something like that? Why would they risk themself to save her when all shes ever done is try to have them arrested?
this is when she starts to realize that not everything in the world is black and white. Not everything has one logical answer. What is rogueforts motive? that is one messy question with multiple answers and none of them are logical. This also goes into my headcanons with her relationship with almond but thats for another ask heehee... Walnut starts to realize other things, too. Roguefort always leaves a calling card, and theyre always incredibly polite to everyone, even the authorities,, of course thats just phantom thief stuff but she realizes that they really arent just some villain. Theres much more to them than some urge to cause mischief and steal from others. in my timeline, all of the other events take place after search for lost time/pursuit of lost time, and this is where walnut starts to defend them rather than just try to chase them.
At this point, i dont think walnut wants to see them behind bars anymore. that was pretty clear when she was distraught at the sentence cappuccino gave them. i think shes conflicted about them. She wants to know the truth about who they are, and why theyre doing everything. She wants to see them change - for them to start doing good. but at the same time, she doesnt. at the same time,,, roguefort is one of the only ones who takes her seriously
Almond is the most guilty of this, and ill elaborate on that in another post, but oh Boy does he make walnut feel worthless and dumb. walnut is always trying to act more mature, more professional and less child-like despite Very much being a child, first example off the top of my head being her not wanting to decorate her office for the holidays and also the way that she always calls almond by his name instead of mom/mother(or dad/father if we're not talking about my hcs lol). She doesnt want to be treated like a child. and to some extent, yeah, people baby her!! almond told cappuccino he was scared that shed eat a Rotten jelly are you fucking kidding me ? (dont even get me started on the one twitter art where hes worried that roguefort kidnapped walnut i do Not consider that canon because from what weve seen abt how he acts towards roguefort?? No the fuck he wouldnt????) he didnt want her to be involved in the butter painting affair because it was "dangerous" despite it basically being identical to other theft cases shes dealt with and there wasnt any violence to begin with. in her story even, people usually let her investigate just because shes cute which.. works in her favor but also FRUSTRATING because its only because shes a kid. almond is always talking about how worried he is that she'll get into trouble and YES she is a child she does need some sort of supervision but shes also so much smarter than people give her credit for. she has so much potential thats being wasted purely because people think shes too young, though at the same time, i think walnut overestimates herself. i think that because of the lack of support she gets from almond and other adults in her life she tries to go above and beyond to Prove that shes better than she actually is and that shes worthy of being a detective and taking on more cases and ends up getting hurt because of it (cough sflt). she tries to act more mature because she wants people to take her seriously but she is a Child and thus people will just look at her and go "Aww! what a cute little detective :)"
i think that the reason why shes so involved with rogueforts cases is because theyre the only one who takes her seriously. They do tease her about it - this is seen throughout all of the events but most specifically in the first one when she gets upset at them calling her "little detective." though they still take her seriously. They see the skill she has now, and they dont just see what she could be in the future. theyre more focused on supporting her now and giving her encouragment and more puzzles to solve rather than babying her and telling her she'll be a great detective someday like everyone else. thats especially important to walnut considering almond does Not show her the same support and is more often restricting her and trying to get her to stop
if roguefort were to stop, to be arrested or to decide that their life of crime was over, walnut wouldnt have that support anymore. Thats terrifying to her. while she does want what is best, there is also a part of her thats a little selfish and just wants things to stay the same forever.
idk where to put this but im elaborating more on her wanting to learn more about them. because really she shows a much deeper understanding and respect than most other characters despite them being her supposed rival ? Lost holiday in specific was so funny because she was so chill with them like "yeah i know you probably didnt do it lol i just needed to have u here just in case" ANYWAYS just the fact that she keeps standing up for them is enough to show how much respect she has for them. The general public is SO cruel and dehumanizing towards them through either idolization or vilification or both at the same time and shes one of the few who actually treat them like a person. she doesnt like it when people are unnecessarily cruel to them, like almond insisting that she stays out of the butter painting affair despite them not committing the crime or her reaction to the harsh jail sentence cappuccino gave them. Both almond and cappuccino are characters who are very close and friendly with her, might i add, and yet she still wants to protect roguefort. She knows that they deserve so much more than how the public and how authorities treat them, thief or not.
anywasy yeah um. In summary. i think that the two lines "One logical answer always exists!" "One logical answer? Sounds rather... dull." symbolize them quite nicely ... roguefort is a motivation for her, a mentor disguised as a rival. they teach her more about the world and detective work. they made her realize that not everything is black and white and taught her to people and situations in more complicated shades of gray. and i think that it goes the other way, too - in a world where roguefort is so Deeply misunderstood and misjudged, walnut tries to stand up for them and does understand them, to a degree. better than anyone else at least. she gives them hope.
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ganondoodle · 2 days
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I'm really sorry that Zelda has burned you out. I can be excited with reserved expectations, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sad that the bar for those expectations had to drop so low. Zelda is such a beautiful franchise with potential that feels like it gets less and less tapped every entry.
Between Ganondorf in Totk and the live-action Zelda (I hate it here), I feel like I can only get so excited for a Zelda thing before I wait for the multiple other shoes to drop.
I guess this is one part "I'm sorry" and one part "I can kinda relate, and I wanted to vent"
To end on a positive note I've always been a huge fan of your art and you're unique depictions of divinity are genuinely fucking inspiring.
yeah, its both sad and kinda scary ... like i didnt think anything could disappoint me so hard it would make me this wary and bored of anything they do, though i was afraid of it, and yet here we are
its not just that i feel like the bar is lower than ever, i also feel like ... i dont want to invest time and thought into soemthing they might have never actually cared about? like botw made me so damn invested in its lore and world and totk just dropped it all so hard that i feel afraid to care about anything (new) zelda related
i still love the titles up to botw, i still like the franchise and care deeply about all the fanworks and stories and lore, but i cant lie, totk did damage that and any trust i had into them being able to tell stories "Zelda is such a beautiful franchise with potential that feels like it gets less and less tapped every entry." a sad cheer to that :,)
im not gonna talk about it any further, i dont wanna morph into a true notorious complainer tm- just gonna watch others play it but unless they actually pull something interesting off (which i doubt doubly so since its zelda as the played character..) i dont think im gonna do anything with it, so, sorry on that end
and thank you! it means alot to hear people enjoy what i do, no matter how annoying i can be xD and in this day and age where its harder and harder to reach anyone, or stay "relevant" for that matter especially bdksskjlvnfxdl
anyway, i wont stop working on any of my zelda projects any time soon :3 mainly thanks to the people like you, who can find worth in what i do even if i might doubt it! <3
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Re: Ana "because news about it never reached them, suggests that Swift's PR was actively squashing them. "
Yep! They definitely wanted to avoid liability and was able to spin most of the bad press because -wait for it- US swiffers dont read Portuguese. Most of the articles discussing the death of Ana (and the injuries of over 1000 fans and the death of the robbery victim before the show) were in Portuguese as many of the rightfully critical sources were Brazil based. This gave swifts team the upper hand and could just say whatever she wanted because who's gonna google translate when they can absolve mother immediately. Swift/her team claimed she contacted Ana's family privately, the family (I believe her cousin and sister) replied to the announcement on twitter that she did not. Then she actually reached out and invited them to take a pic with her. Yknow with the woman who was responsible for their relatives death. PR also released all sorts of Travis lovey dovey, and holiday plan articles. The only things I've seen in English were random relationship bullshit and some article that mentioned how frizzy her hair looked in Brazil. It was 100% a coverup; I think they knew they'd be liable for negligence and distanced themselves as much as possible. While still making tons of money.
Also I'm sure it's obvious but she's racist as fuck and does not care about her fans of color. She wouldn't even stay in Brazil during that bit. She flew to one of her houses every night. Not white af Scotland though, they need to hydrate ✨✨
Oh yeah- I also saw a lot of cover up stories. I saw so many fans posting to insta about how out-of-breath Taylor looked- yet none of those people were talking about the literal death and hospitalizations occurring around her. They were only talking about how hard it must have been for Taylor Swift to sing in those conditions- and "omg look how much Mother cares about us"
Gimme a break-
I wish I never see another article about Taylor Swift's hair being frizzy ever again! or another article about her stupid football boyfriend.
Swift sure does use the media to cover up her shitty life choices a lot for someone who also claims the media is constantly bullying her.
Dear Taylor Swift, which is it? Are you a victim of the media- or do you have enough media outlets in your pocket now to keep you forever absolved of any wrongdoing?
Can you imagine that your family member just died at a concert- and the Musician of that Concert essentially went "Whoops, how about a photo-op? That's enough recompense, right?"
How utterly crass- Shameful.
Anyway- yeah I am also getting bad vibes from the fact that she's been so caring about people in the USA and UK- yet everywhere else it seems like she just doesn't care.
Bad, Bad, Racist, vibes from that one.
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snekdood · 4 months
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"if we make america worse and more of a dictatorship that will be even harder to unravel and make it the way we want the country to be, maybe then everyone will join our Glorious Revolution!" bb girl you cant even be in the same room with someone who thinks you should vote, how in tf do you think you're gonna unite people to fight in The Revolution with you? it's gonna be you and your 5 friends, i hate to break it to you.
#i dont think you realize how repelling you and your politics are to everyone else#you get all of your validation for how Smart You Are from your friends and ignore any kind of feedback that suggests you should#change or do something differently. thats the only reason you're so convinced average people will go along with you bc you keep getting#affirmation from the people who ALREADY agree with you- but you have NO IDEA how to bridge the gap between people who agree#with you and disagree with you. you're horrible at convincing people of your side of things outside of straight up guilt tripping them#or bullying them like a highschooler. im sorry but the tools you learned to survive with as a kid aren't gonna help you in this situation.#the ONLY THING you can come up with to bridge that gap is a bloody revolution. thats how bad you are at this.#and you're also so bad at this and unimaginative that you dont even realize how THAT might not even be enough.#you cant imagine ANY kind of avenue to getting people to change AT ALL outside of blood and fire. and thats why people call you#an authoritarian.#i'll be honest- i really do think the world would be a better place if we did incremental change under a democratic president who wont#set the world on fire vs the godkingemperor republican WHO WONT EVEN LISTEN TO YOU AT ALL EVER AND MIGHT KILL YOU#FOR PUTTING UP A STINK. idk if you noticed but if that evil fuck gets into office we are severely outnumbered if he gets police#n shit to go after his own citizens. letting trump win is making this battle so much harder than it needs to be.#you are choosing trying to fix the world while its exploding vs trying to fix it before it explodes at all.#what is this like a procrastination thing? you wanna wait till the last minute to try? idfgi. wtf is wrong with you#throwing minority lives away to prove a point. and then you try to tell me you care. gtfoh.#accelerationists should never be taken seriously.
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the-lark-ascending69 · 2 months
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> be a robin buckley fan
> be lesbian
> project on robin
> look up "internalized homophobia robin buckley" on tumblr because it's cathartic
> 3/4 of the posts are about st3ddie or just about steve
#saw one in which steve was like ''no robin you don't understand! i have never been loved! i don't know how that feels like!''#i have several grips about that interpretation#going from the fact that's not true (dustin is clearly a big steve fan + robin herself cares about him deeply)#to the fact he probably wouldn't be introspective enough to voice his emotions this concisely not to mention he'd probably wouldn't take#a moment to realize he's never felt loved if that were the case. i mean. he could think that. when he's like 35 and more in touch with his#inner world. 19yo steve can't even get the hint that hitting on a girl who's already clearly taken (nancy) is wrong so like i don't expect#him to be that smart#but i can live with people having takes i don't agree with. my opinion doesn't have to be everyone else's opinion if you see steve that way#it fine#what bothered me was the fact he was saying this to a lesbian living in the 80s lmao#who tells him that 1) her whole life has been an error 2) she doesn't think he'd want to be close to her if he truly knew her and 3)#3) is paralyzed by fear of social suicide if she dares believe for even a second that the girl she likes may like her too#like i dont need people to do deep dives into robin lore and quote from memory lines from Surviving Hawkins abt robin feeling like she's#rotten inside. not supposed to have friends. feeling like something is wrong with her and that pushes people away etc etc#the fact that she's a lesbian should tell you enough abt who has the biggest chances of being loved 😭#also bothered me that it showed up when looking up posts abt internalized homophobia because?? where's the internalized homophobia therw#unless it's gay steve feeling bad abt it in an AU (as if canon robin didn't go through it)#like look im not bothered to find steve-centric content in the robin tag cos people are gonna tag her in posts mentioning her.#she's his friend.#but there are barely any posts at all about robin's internalized homophobia. like i saw 2 or 3. compared to all the steve or steddie ones#where's the love for my babygirl 😭😭#anti steddie#not really but y'know i don't wanna bother anyone#edit: the bit about there being like 3 posts on robin w internalized homophobia isn't exactly true. there are a few. but they still feel#drowned in st3ddie posts#like something isn't right here
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butchez · 21 days
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tbh its unfortunate that it became taboo to ever criticize the ace community like yeah yeah ewww 2017 ass discourse whatever but theres still like Problems . like even before that kink poll was posted i think theres a pretty clear issue of people just Not understanding what sexuality is and a large part of that confusion is definitely coming from the "you can be asexual and still enjoy sex" crowd
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sonknuxadow · 2 months
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jesus christttt im not surprised at all to hear that the knuckles series focuses on wade and other human characters a lot i saw this coming a mile away with how almost all the news we were getting before the trailer came out was about the human characters/actors and not about knuckles (or sonic or tails or any other animated characters) but the fact that somebody calculated how many minutes of screentime knuckles has and it came out as LESS THAN HALF OF THE ENTIRE SERIES' RUNTIME when the series is NAMED after him is ridiculous. after this show comes out wade will likely have more screentime and overall plot relevance in the entire scu than tails does. did they actually think wade is a popular enough character for people to be down with this. what the fuck
#was gonna pirate the series but at this rate i might not watch it at all LMAO or at the very least only watch the parts with team sonic#because my interest in this series is dropping every second and i already wasnt very interested in it.#and i love knuckles so you know theyre doing something wrong if knuckles getting his own series isnt interesting me#the thing about wade is i dont even hate the idea of human characters. i dont think its bad for human characters to be present#and i dont think its bad for them to be involved in the plot and have relationships with the existing sonic characters#i personally didnt mind the wedding subplot in the second movie and i know a lot of people hated it#but. it becomes a problem when the random humans are overshadowing the characters people are actually here to see#like the show is literally called knuckles and all the marketing focuses on knuckles but its mostly about wade. allegedly.#and . i wouldnt have minded knuckles having a human costar. but again. they should be getting equal or less focus not more.#and also. its fucking wade who cares about wade enough to want this. would have been more forgiving if it was maddie or jojo or something#because i actually care about those characters. and also theyre not cops#for a moment i was willing to believe that the complaints about wade having way more screentime than knuckles#were a little exaggerated since a lot of people just get mad when the human characters have any screentime at all#but then i saw the article showing that knuckles really did show up for less than half the show and i was like Ummm. What#sorry for being so negative lately#its just that every new piece of info we get about upcoming scu projects has me like that reaction image of the guy holding a cigarette#like WHAT ARE THEY DOINGGGGGGG
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monards · 3 months
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i know hoyo is setting up rhine to have good intent and whatever in her trying to 'save' khaneri'ah or whatever; but i REALLY hope they stay with the cruel persona thats been built up for her. because it would be so wonderful to see a character who had good intent in the beginning just get absolutely corrupted; with the inability to ever go back to that prior state purely because of what had happened. also because there is NO way in her turning back after all that shit
#sorry. i dont think theres any good and plausible explanation for rhine to still be a kind or gentle person in general#she can (and SHOULD) have her moments. but it'd make so much more sense (and be much more impactful) for her to be inherently cruel#because look at all the stuff thats happened#i love the indomitable human spirit trope. dont get me wrong.#but rhine has that in the way she WONT stop her research till shes either dead or murdered. she is not gonna be gentle kind and optimistic#she watched all her kids (that she was SHOWN to care for) get very brutally murdered.#had to then go and kill her next creations that she didn't consider perfect (which most certainly fucks a women up. no matter what you say)#made the 'perfect creation' and the way she treated him was obviously a HUGE contrast to how she was before (being gentle and nuturing)#and left him (albeit with what we can guess was good intent) with NO goodbye just#a recommendation letter. a text. and his final mission#she could have good intent#and still care for others#dont get me wrong!!!!!!!#but shes. human???#humans can be (as much as i hate to say it) a tad selfish when it comes to survival#and being antagonized demonized AND shunned by teyvat and even her own people. having to survive multiple gods wrath#isn't. gonna be good for the human psych#and it isn't gonna be something fixable#look at how furina progressively faltered over a hundered years WHILE being adored#she already started waning in her ethics and morals (as someone immortalized as a human WOULD)#with exposing lyney and all of that when it was VERY clearly the morally wrong thing to do (which her as a human would know)#and being relatively pessimistic and clearly spiralling#(no hate. i love furina with all my heart.)#if thats how FURINA started going#imagine rhine who has nobody (save maybe alice. but i doubt she'd be constant given her spontaneous nature and refusal to sit still)#shit man. even I'D go crazy and be horrible.#its okay and natural to be bitter#and its not as if anybody was there to help#hexenzirkel has a ton of women who survived their own nations falling yes#but not ONE of them (from what we know) has had circumstances any where near rhine's
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intersexfairy · 1 year
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sorry to disappoint but in tandem with no longer hating myself to the point i sometimes wish i didnt exist, i will also no longer be denying that bigotry against transmasc deserves a name and needs to be talked about. cause guess what set off me essentially hating myself for being trans in the first place. that denial.
i am so fucking done with it. i'm done destroying myself and not letting myself have a voice. i want to be happy. that's all this is. i want to be happy, and i want people like me to be happy too. if you have an issue with that, goodbye. i will no longer be harming myself to make you comfortable.
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july-19th-club · 10 months
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how to make a character who sucks so bad and nobody likes him but he is genuinely a good protagonist (good as in interesting, maybe on a rare day good as in decent but also, just like, an incredible jackass) . i need to make him worse i need to make him MEANER!
#i think the key to getting this kind of character right is that he can't try to be anybody's boss#that's not the fun and engaging kind of jackass that's just reminding the reader of all the bosses they've hated in their time#the engaging and likeable Guy Who Sucks So Bad is a loner who might CLAIM that he will take over the group or whatever and lead#but never actually has any intentions of doing so because part of the things he sucks re: is responsibility of any kind#he does however know that leaders dont like other people horning in on their territory so he will say things like#i'm gonna wreck your shit and then all your lackeys will follow ME! ouahahahahaha . despite having zero plans to follow up with that#the ideal engaging asshole protagonist is a rebel without a good cause: maybe he has a sad backstory; maybe he's just a dick#but if there's one thing about him you can count on it's that he is Opposed To Shit. doesnt matter what it is his primary entertainment#is picking a fight with it for no reason and then saying what the fuck ever i didn't care about it anyway (he didn't)#ideally this is all done in such a way that he is SEXY . but you'd never want to hang with him because he is deeply obnoxious#he is not bossy. he is not controlling. he is maybe even a bit of a wife guy except he hates everyone else and wants to make their day wors#because making someone else's day worse makes HIS day better . the ideal wife for him is the one from ordinary day with peanuts#by shirley jackson#and i have GOT to figure out a way to engineer this guy without copying examples of my favorite versions of him wholesale#i have the scaffolding. but because of my own confrontation-averse tendencies#im terribly concerned that i will never be able to actually make him the asshole he was born to be#q
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be-good-to-bugs · 1 month
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you would think considering how much it loves sleeping that my body would, yknow, sleep when i ask it to. or even just when it has barely slept in days and im trying so hard to sleep
#the bin#uugghhhh i woke up at 1pm today bc my stupid idiot body refused to go to sleep at a reasonable time even tho i was alreday so sleep#deprived. i have to work at 6:30 tomorrow morning :/ so i guess i wont be sleeping till then bc i still have to clean stuff and shower#maybe maybe maybe ill get a nap in but idk. bleh. i hope after i get home my stupid body will sleep. its gonna have to bc i work 7 hours the#next day so i cant do that too sleep deprived. i really really hope i dont have to :( hhhh#i wanted so bad to get high last night mosty bc my body has been refusing to sleep this past week but my sister n her boyfriend didnt come#over so i wasnt able to get more edibles :( or boxes for packing. hhh. i need to move so soon! i have no idea what day its even gonna be yet#i badeky have an idea of how much its gonna cost either. they finally gave me a gas cost estimate afeyr ive been asking for 3 weeks#hhh. well. whatever. i only have 4 more shifts. im kinda sad tbh. i really like working here. my coworkers are so nice#tomorrow is probs the last time ill ever see my fav coworker. shes so nice. shes so nice she used he/him for me and calls me orb#i just mentioned the name in passing once after i changed my pronouns on my nametag and she noticed and she remember!#and before she used it for me she stopped and asked if i was comfortable with it or if i wanted to keep it private. i have never EVER met#another cis person who would even think to ask that. most cis people dont understand why you would care. shes like. the nicest person ive#ever ever met. why did i have to find such a great place to work in minnesota? well. even if i am super tired tomorrow morning itll probably#be ok. butbi really would prefer not to be.#i dont know why i havent been able to sleep properly. bleh. i do liek what edibles do to me its a fun time but its kinda annoying that i#cant use them very casually for sleep or pain. they incapacitate me for 14 hours minimum.#well. at least no matter how stressed i am abt everything. i will definitely be elsewhere in 18 days max. should be less than that.#i will miss this job and these coworkers but i am relived that i wont have to go to work for awhile. esp with this tooth pain.#and im so excited to be able to draw again! im glad im moving a month before artfight bc itll give me time to get shit prepped#i wanted so bad to participate last year but i wasnt able to come evn close to finishing any attacks bc i was too tired from working
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ikishima · 2 months
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#the amount of compassion you have to pour directly into a bad-faith asshole's mouth without knowing whether there's even a point#in order to get them to the point where they're willing to engage at a level where they actually take your feelings & words into account#the point where they even start hearing you and seeing you as a potential equal in conversation#the point where learning and growing becomes a possibility#is fucking exhausting. and i understand why a lot of people refuse to do it. i understand why some people dont practice what they preach#because sometimes the congregation in question is just there to throw tomatoes without any intent of listening#but idc! idc! im not gonna let a bunch of assholes close my heart off. id rather be naive but kind and get taken advantage of#if the alternative is leaving people behind or making a single person feel the way i have felt#having good intentions but being unable to express it w/o negative emotion or without the correct words or not being given a fighting chanc#to never be seen as a person or heard or listened to is so hurtful#i never want to do that to someone#and if i have parted ways with you or made you feel like that at any point please know it is only when i have no other options left#i know it's an autism thing to be so utterly gutted at being misunderstood and i'm most likely giving energy to people who don't deserve it#but i dont care! i dont care!#my compassion IS a renewable resource because i keep feeding it hope and humanity#i get mad sometimes but please know every angry word i've ever said has stuck on my mind like a glue trap#i remember every fight i have been slightly too aggressive and potentially awful in since the fifth grade and i continue to ruminate#on harm i have caused however big or small#i feel so surrounded by hate and anger and i just want to be that person who doesnt get caught up in it and can be compassionate no matter#lots to think about today ...#x
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kaeyapilled · 1 year
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. (tw heterosexuality)
#i am having the worst sexuality crisis of my life. i was so sure i was a lesbian but there is this One Guy..#he makes me feel things. i think. but i cant categorize them#relationships w men sound.. unappealing.. if i think about it generally#like a random man? sounds weird. or maybe not. i dont know. i havent even had a first kiss lmao i dont really know stuff#but him............oh...........hes so funny and cool and nice to everyone. his hands are pretty (weird thing to notice but ok)#he explains math to me and i cant focus because he's too close. thats so MORTIFYING I THOUGHT I WAS A DYKE#but at the same time 12 year old me was having heart palpitations around my first girl crush and shit#and he hasnt made me feel anything that strong so far. so. idk. but also i was 12. so idk#well okay generally speaking women make me feel much more doing way less#there was this occasion where this girl who i always had a mild thing for but never did anything about it just came up to me#at school#and just. haha lol i had a dream about you last night ;)#i am not joking when i say i felt weak in the knees. she was smiling in a like playful way so i was gonna make a joke but i could not#because i was going to pass out from being too gay#this guy (or any other guy for that matter) doesn't seem to have the power to make me feel like that#..........am i bisexual with a female lean or whatever people say. or am i experiencinf the worst case of comphet of my life#this is awful. not because i don't wanna like men (its just sexuality idc) but because i don't want to prove my mom right#😭what if it WAS a phase#but who knows. mentioning the girl who dreamt about me kind of replaced the thoughts i was having of him for a bit there#i miss her she was nice. well sort of. but i was never involved in the drama so who cares fr. she graduated last year#anyways sorry for breaking character. tumblr user kaeyapilled is lore dropping
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cherry-shipping · 6 months
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aaaooughhh. cook for me fictional other. fictional other. cook for me
#cherry chats#or just. get me food. pleeeeeeeease im asking so niceys#i didnt. get any food today Cause they freaking forgot me#which. shoulnt be a problem because im almost 19 i should be able to make food for myself#but. as it turns out. i canttttt#and anyway i like to imagine papyrus cooking for me because he loves cooking and i think making food is how he shows he cares 4 ppl…..#or one way at least#blegh. anyway im not gonna go full vent mode on here because who give a shit but. it also makes me feel so STUPID 4 not being able to do#like. basic stuff like feeding myself#so. i think papyrus would like making me stuff to eat and also encouraging me about it#also. hed be good at forcing me to eat in a way that doesnt make me feel bad#ive talked about this before but i feel guilty when i tell people i havent eaten in awhile so i lie and stuff…..#like ‘oh i ate not too long ago so im fine’ and then#‘not long ago’ means like. 3 days.#and it makes me feel guilty and makes other people worry and then THEY feel guilty cause they cant really do anything#but papyrus is cool and awesome and smart so he doesnt make me admit it out loud and he makes me eat stuff even when i dont wanna#but. in a way that doesnt make me feel bad either. hes a master of psychological manipulation But like good#like. i tried a new recipe and you HAVE to taste it and tell me what u think or ill look sooo sad and dejected ^__^#blarfgh. anyway -_-#i wish my cool awesome bffsie papyrus was here to make me awesome food
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arthur-r · 9 months
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same content warnings for not speaking well im not feeling well and i can’t speak well and im stressed out so in vent content warning but for same as im just continuing talking
and iodnt know anything abkut how people are supposed to work but i think when you’re and somebody is sitting on a bed together you’re supposed to be not talking about the freaking Peter mark roget talking about the thesaurus is not right and for being distracting. and nobody wants to be he wasn’t gonna be when i wasn’t feeling well but i feel bad for having ruined of where im as if i isn’t even don’t like him likenim not but im just not good for i do like him and i think he likes me and i just don’t want to be make everything weird make complicated im not good at being just being normal and somebody that anybody is able to like. i just want to be normal and be ATTRACTIVE but i am busy being sick and weird unloveable. i want for hanging out to be a good thing not where i feel sorry or where somebody had to be had been helping everything and i think i swear he likes me i swear and we were close together and i don’t think im just pretending but i think im gonna ruin it cause im not feeling well didnt being considerate i can’t when i can’t i get stuck distracted can’t think about anything im nkt feeling well but i just make everything turns into about me and it isn’t fair and I just want to be just have normal do anything right feel right have a conversation where i did it right and it didn’t turn around didn’t make all of it opposite where i just i don’t know how to do it im too much autistic and too much sick i can’t do it
came back from the end again im out of tags again im not going to keep doing this im sorry i just im not feeling well and im so frustrated from it’s not being sicks fault i don’t want to be sick because i don’t feel good being i don’t want to be ill because it hurts me. but it’s not sick’s fault for nobody can see me past it, it’s not somebody can still be important valuable im not trying to say i just i don’t want to live inside of nobody can see me anymore i want anybody to know for looking at me and seeing a real person
#im just im not i want to somebody think for who i am i dont want to be hiding but i want for who i am being different not so much hard#nobody can understand for too much complicated. j do t want to anybody doesn’t care all the way of all of it don’t want to know them but i#for me it’s harder to find somebody who does it’s harder for somebody cares about all of me cause all of me is too it’s not the right way#im just a cute little kid or a poor tragic im not a normal person im not i can’t just be an adult#i just want to be an adult make sense have people like me like a grownup not like im some little broken#i want to feel like i have autonomy!!!!! i want to show i do i want to show im a real person#and i can be more than just im not just#i feel like i take it away i take a way the special moment cause of being me#like i can only be a little kid or a martyr i can’t be special or beautiful i just have to be broken and oh poor baby#i just want to be a real person i just want to be a real person !!!!!!#and i just want to say sorry speak to somebody say hey i promise im a fucking i promise im a person i swear#and i feel so stupid saying any of it im right here sounding like for as if i don’t know anything like nothing is#i cant even grow up for complaining of growing up. i feel like i cant be a real person don’t count nobody is gonna think of me for#i dont know i need to call somebody but nobody my roommate is here i can’t#and i can’t i don’t want for somebody has to be has to help me has to save me for in order to love me#i dont want to be so broken anybody who wants to love me has to save me. it isn’t fair i don’t want to be sick iedint want to need help#i cant have help from somebody who doesn’t love me but i ruin the love if i made somebody help me it ruins it so i can’t have i have to pick#i cant have them both at the same time i have to pick and my body is picking for me im ruining everything i have because i can’t even walk#i cant even walk home i need help to walk me home how do you look at me and think im pretty when you’re helping me stay off the ground#i dont want to be fragile pretty either so pretty special needs saving i don’t want that#i want to be me i can’t be the perfect broken dainty it’s not like that. i just want to be me#i want somebody to care about me not be have to help me i just want to be me not a special i don’t want somebody to have to accommodate me#and it’s not i don’t think anybody should change their self i don’t think with other people i don’t think it’s i just i don’t believe#i don’t think somebody is going to look past it somebody who can walk easy talk easy verythjng is so easy and i just#if somebody doesn’t have it they don’t know they can’t look at me past anything else it’s k#im just the different parts i can’t be a person from i just it gets broken it’s not on purpose but i just i can’t i get broken into the same#i get turned into the same person i can’t be me and be sick everyone sees me and sees that im just sick and i wish that i hadn’t told#i wish that i didn’t say anything i just and i just i want to be normal i don’t want to be seen that way#and it’s okay to be sick it’s normal it doesn’t feel good but it doesn’t make me broken it doesn’t make me not be special valuable be myself#but nobody can see me anymore it takes away the rest of me because nobody cares to look i just want people to look
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biillys · 1 year
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Today I had to unfollow a blog for saying that Billy was abusive and a monster and that any fan who likes him is fucked up
ughhhhhhhhhhh u see that opinion thrown around so much and honestly it's tired! it's boring! it's not even like? true? it's just something the loud and annoying tumblr and twitter stannies say to justify their refusal to acknowledge or deal anything billy related 🙄
i promise u, you will not miss them on ur dash!!!!
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