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shihalyfie · 3 years

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The different aspects of Miyako’s personality and character arc

Miyako is a character where there’s just a lot going on with her in general, and asking different people to summarize Miyako in one phrase could feasibly get you some very different answers -- “the computer nerd girl”, or “the one who keeps talking about boys”, or “the one who panics all of the time”, or whatnot. Given that there’s so much to unpack at once even from her base profile, ironing out the full extent of her character arc can get a bit tricky, and there’s a lot going on with it. So, given that: Who is Miyako, anyway?

Miyako’s background and personality

Miyako is a character that I think is best understood by understanding what kind of person she is, and the personality and mentality she goes into the story of 02 with.

An interesting background story behind Miyako’s creation is that she’s based off a real person -- more accurately, a certain assistant producer on the series (whose identity has remained undisclosed, presumably for privacy reasons) was used as a reference for her behavior and actions. Although Adventure and 02 have a philosophy of portraying realistic human behavior in general, this level of specificity is a unique designation to have, and series director Kakudou Hiroyuki has referred to this a few times over the years -- it seems she’s the only of the Tokyo Chosen Children to have such a concrete single-person reference, and it’s also the reason her blood type of AB and star sign Gemini were given in 02 episode 25 (the other kids don’t have mentioned birthdays or blood types to prevent personality restrictions via horoscoping, but a real person having Miyako’s personality, star sign, and blood type wouldn’t make that as much of an issue). Even Volcano Ota himself confirmed Miyako’s resemblance to her upon hearing it after the fact! Indeed, a lot of 02 fans (especially adults) have admitted that Miyako’s probably one of the most relatable people in the cast, namely because her gushing about things she likes and panicking at things that overwhelm her is...well, a bit too uncomfortably on-point at times.

(And especially since so much about Miyako’s character has to do with how happy she makes everyone around her, it’s not too hard to imagine that the staff was so fond of her real-life inspiration that they wanted to pay tribute to her in such a way...)

Still, Miyako is a fictional character, one with her own backstory and interactions in 02′s story, and said backstory is such: she comes from a family that runs a convenience store in Odaiba, and is the youngest of a family of four siblings. Running a convenience store on a small island means that Miyako has probably seen a lot of the island’s residents, and her family also has various levels of connections to the other kids’ families (her older sisters Momoe and Chizuru are friends of Daisuke’s sister Jun, and Chizuru is Yamato’s classmate). Moreover, she’s befriended her nine-year-old neighbor (one who otherwise has trouble socializing with his peers) to the point of regularly going over to do computer repairs for his family. She’s also worked in the computer club under Koushirou, and even before the series has started, she looks up to him and adores him in a way not entirely unlike how Daisuke looks up to Taichi -- and although it’s unclear whether or not she started after the beginning of 02, 02 episode 29 reveals that she helps Yamato with his band.

The pattern here is that Miyako is extremely sociable, and one who actively pokes her nose into nearly everything so she can help out. This makes her a very different sort of Mom Friend from Sora -- both of them are Crest of Love holders for good reason, but in Sora’s case, she was compulsively going out of her way to help other people to the point of exhaustion, and her character arc was about trying to find a way to detach herself from obligations and do something for herself. Miyako is the complete opposite -- she’s the kind of extrovert who actively enjoys poking her head into other people’s business, picking up a bunch of peripheral hobbies so she can do something useful for everyone and go I’M HELPING!! If you actually look closely at those hobbies of “computer programming and hacking”, “hardware tinkering”, and “sound engineering”, other than vaguely being related to computers, they are completely different skillsets, and every single one of them is one Miyako’s depicted employing in order to help someone else out. (Koushirou is never really depicted as having super amazingly high technical skill and most of his unique talent comes from being a thorough analyst, but in contrast, while Miyako is established as being good at even hacking in Diablomon Strikes Back, she doesn’t really seem to have a huge propensity for deep analytical thought.) It’s hard to tell if she has any personal preference for any of them as much as she basically turned herself into a jack-of-all-trades so she could do whatever job was necessary for someone else.

If we’re to believe the official 02 site, Miyako’s been a bit pampered by her family -- as the youngest of four siblings, she’s the “baby of the family”, who hasn’t had to live with a ton of responsibility for others. This means that, much like Mimi, she seems to have been raised surrounded by a ton of affection, which is why she herself is such an openly affectionate person who’s open-minded towards trying all sorts of things, and why she’s used to wanting to help others by actively throwing herself into situations -- but it also means that, being the youngest of a family who is now in the situation of being the oldest in a new group, she ends up in Jou’s situation of suddenly being faced with the pressure of the concept of proper responsibility for others.

As far as Miyako’s general personality goes, she is constantly overflowing with affection and cheer and a desire to dote on everyone -- but the flip side is that she’s also aggressive. She has zero sense of restraint. (If you ever get around to listening to the Japanese version of 02, Natsuki Rio’s performance is energetic and over-the-top in almost every way imaginable to the point that you get the impression of Miyako as someone who doesn’t easily run out of batteries -- at least, until things start getting really serious.) When she loves something, she’ll gush about it as if there were hearts floating around her (and, depending on the level of closeness, even jump in and physically hug them), and she has no qualms against physically manhandling if she feels she needs to, and if she dislikes something, she will make it very clear (including yelling very loudly about it). You could argue that she’s actually closer to the archetype of the brash shounen protagonist than Daisuke himself is!

In fact, Miyako and Daisuke have very similar temperaments -- pure-hearted, but also rough around the edges -- but can be distinguished by the fact that while Daisuke is actually deferential and somewhat lacking in assertion, Miyako is actually aggressive, and while Daisuke’s “honesty about his feelings” is mainly because he’s too simple-minded to be any good at hiding anything, Miyako’s honesty is because she has no brain-to-mouth filter, and everything she’s thinking comes out of her mouth before she can control it -- in other words, Miyako has a huge case of foot-in-mouth syndrome. She doesn’t want to be insensitive, but it keeps coming out of her mouth before she can control it -- and even worse, her emotions are prone to taking control of her, and she is very prone to getting overwhelmed and collapsing into a massive panic.

If you think about the two archetypes of “girl who takes care of everyone” and “aggressive action girl”, Miyako has a tendency towards both at once, and moreover there’s an extra nail in it -- most “action girls” in the latter category would be portrayed as badass, put-together characters with a cool personality, but Miyako is a mess. She’s prone to panicking, all over the place, and her tendency to get in-your-face is not exactly in the most dignified manner. And as a result, a huge part of her character arc (as we will be going more into detail about below) is that she’s aware of this and doesn’t like this about herself -- because she doesn’t want to be insensitive or rude, and in fact she wants to be someone who can better help and take care of others, but, in her mind, her own personality keeps getting in the way.

Miyako in 02

After fully becoming a Chosen Child in 02 episode 2, it only takes one more episode for Miyako to bring food for everyone, as if to say “Right! I’m going to be working with everyone now! All of you are now my new best friends!” (”Bringing food for people” is one of Miyako’s many ways of showing love, given that she returns from Kyoto in 02 episode 34 and immediately hands off souvenir yatsuhashi to Koushirou.) And with that, Miyako settles into the archetype of the group’s “mood maker” -- someone whose role is to keep everyone in emotionally high spirits by influencing everyone with cheer and energy. 02 episode 5 features the debut of her famous “Digital Gate, open! Chosen Children, let’s roll!” catchphrase -- this and her other famous “Bingo!” catchphrase establish her as the only of the Tokyo Chosen Children to have a catchphrase (at least, in the Japanese version). Because catchphrases are fun.

As much as everyone (especially Daisuke) is a bit blindsided by her behavior at first, they eventually come to embrace the positive effect she has on all of them -- Daisuke very genuinely asks her for “the usual cheer” in 02 episode 10, and, all the way in 02 episode 22, this is such an agreed-on and established role that they’ll still wait on her to do the honors even when they’re in a hurry. So in other words, it didn’t take long for Miyako to go out of her way to shower everyone with cheer, and it didn’t take long for everyone to answer to that cheer and appreciate her for it.

The flip side of this, however, is that Miyako doesn’t start off being very emotionally equipped to handle this -- right off the bat in 02 episode 2, she says that she’s not inclined for fighting, and in 02 episode 4, she refers to it as being “like an adventure game”. That is to say, she’s not at the point where she’s able to handle the full gravity of what she’s just involved herself with (Daisuke reminds her that she’d panicked earlier, but she just blows it off). She’s handling it so cheerfully now because the series is still in its early stages, when she can enter and exit the Digital World at will, and she’s capable of treating it like this.

So when the stakes do get higher, she’s the first one to take the stress hard. As mentioned before, she’s the youngest in her family, now recast as the oldest in this group -- but unlike Jou, who consciously knew this fact and took stress onto himself because of the responsibility this entailed, Miyako seems to repeatedly forget that she’s the oldest in this group, and the events of 02 episodes 9-10 (when Agumon is kidnapped) cause her to break down from stress and have to take a time-out. (Which everyone allows her to do, because this is not a series where people are pressured to fight if they’re not emotionally ready for it.) Miyako comes to terms with the fact that the stakes are going to keep escalating, and she can’t just gloss over everything with cheer -- and she does manage to pull herself enough to bring Yamato into the fray at the end of the episode, but this continues to be a recurring theme for the rest of her character arc.

While we’re discussing these early parts of the series, one thing I want to briefly address is the part where Miyako infamously calls a lot of people hot. (Although, not as many as the fanbase would love to make you think; it’s only four people in total.) This tends to get her pinned as some kind of flirt whose head is only filled with being hot for people, but while she’s certainly a bit on the shallow end at this point of the series -- dealing with that being what this character arc is about, after all -- this trait of hers tends to get exaggerated by a lot of people in the audience as if she’s completely lacking in common sense. Miyako’s ridiculous (and we love her for it), but she does have some degree of grip on herself! Context is important here -- she might show a crush on someone, but at no point in the series itself does Miyako show any indication of seriously thinking of full-on dating.

For Miyako, who’s accustomed to just blurting out the first thing that comes to mind, commenting on someone being hot is like commenting on the weather -- she means it as a compliment, but there’s no evidence she thinks she has a chance with any of them, let alone wanting to try dating. This is especially when you take into account her self-esteem issues that we learn about later in the series, and also...well, the fact she’s only twelve. (Remember: even Daisuke’s thing for Hikari comes out as a lot of unfocused affection, and it’s unlikely he’s seriously considered the concept of following that up with a serious relationship -- any serious prospects of romance or dating are not going to be on the table for these kids for a while.) Miyako has also been accused by some of being abysmally shallow for still complimenting Ken’s looks in 02 episode 9 (after it’s already apparent he’s the Kaiser), but although she certainly is a bit shallow at this point of the series, she’s not that lacking in common sense; Iori got in on it too in this scene, and both of them were doing it to tease Daisuke more than they seriously wanted to compliment the Kaiser all that much. So in essence, it’s just “Miyako has eyes” -- she still completely agrees he’s their enemy and she’s not going to judge him any better for his looks, but she also doesn’t see this as a reason to lie about the fact she thinks he’s visually good-looking, especially if it’s to tease Daisuke about it.

In any case, 02 episode 14 digs a lot more into Miyako’s stance on herself regarding others -- in 02 episode 6, Miyako met Mimi for the first time, and latched onto her for their similar dispositions and her looking up to Mimi for being beautiful, amazing, and cool (and she should, because she’s right). 02 episode 14 adds another layer to this, however, when Miyako spends the duration negatively comparing herself to Mimi. At first it starts off as simply just shallow jealousy for Michael giving Mimi more attention, but as the situation with Digitamamon escalates, Miyako spends a prolonged period of time trying to figure out Mimi’s behavior of pure-heartedly choosing to trust Digitamamon despite everything, against Miyako’s insistence that Digitamamon’s behavior proves that he was untrustworthy the whole time.

Mimi and Miyako’s stances are both on extremes here -- Mimi’s pacifistic tendencies are causing her to let her get beaten up by Digitamamon despite the fact that “appealing to people’s hearts” has never really been demonstrated as a good way to get Evil Rings off (to be fair, this is probably the first time they’ve made an attempt at this with a Digimon that can still talk coherently with it on), but Miyako’s acting as if this retroactively proves him to be untrustworthy even though she knows that the Evil Rings are tantamount to brainwashing. Nevertheless, Miyako acknowledges that her own stance was borne out of her being shallow and judgmental, especially since the discussion between Mimi and Digitamamon brings out a question about the meaning of the “true self”.

Miyako, at this point, is confronting everything that’s bad about herself -- that she’s shallow and not as much of a “good person” as Mimi is. But the Crest of Purity -- once meaning “lack of malice” back when it applied to Mimi in Adventure -- now has a secondary meaning of “not lying to oneself” (the dub translation of “Sincerity” is not actually that off in this sense), and it also means that Miyako is not going to get anywhere pretending or forcing herself to be someone she’s not. The secondary Digimental arc has a recurring theme of understanding that there are still things you need to learn and improve on in order to do better, and this is Miyako’s version of it -- she will have to acknowledge all of the bad parts of herself before she can get anywhere and become a kind person like Mimi is -- and, indeed, becoming less shallow and judgmental and not jumping to conclusions, and learning to reach out to more substantial cores of the problem, ends up becoming a major part of her character arc in the latter half of the series.

This episode also implies one more thing, even if she doesn’t realize it yet at this moment: the path to her becoming a less shallow and more considerate person is not going to involve trying to force herself to be like Mimi, but rather in a way that’s closer to her “true self”.

Miyako’s first major turning point is in 02 episode 18, an episode that’s said to have such a profound impact on her that even Natsuki Rio testified to having to alter her Miyako performance thereafter.

Back in 02 episode 10, Miyako first started to realize that this whole experience of fighting as a Chosen Child was a lot more stressful than it seemed at first, and reacted badly to it. Here, the ante gets upped even more -- the kids decide to make use of their summer break and organize a Digital World stakeout, and, eventually, Hikari accidentally becomes indirectly responsible for tipping Miyako over the deep end by making an implication that they need more “determination” to the point of refusing to leave until they’ve beaten the Kaiser. (Remember that Hikari can be terrifyingly assertive as long as it’s not something to do with herself.) For Miyako, who’s never had the same experience of being in the Digital World for a prolonged period of time the same way the Adventure group has, this is terrifying, and she tries to “get herself together” over the night -- only to completely overshoot it and go into the complete other extreme. As much as this ends up being one of Miyako’s peak hilarity moments, it’s most certainly representative of her being under a huge amount of pressure and stress, and it’s effectively her “peak worst” moment -- which results in Hawkmon ending up having to cover for her, and getting injured in the process, and Miyako immediately realizing how badly she’d messed up.

Miyako is thus forced to face a major consequence of her behavior: if she doesn’t manage to figure out a way to get herself under control, other people will be hurt, and as someone who wants to do her best for other people, that’s one of the worst possible outcomes for her.

In addition, it’s also important to point out Hikari’s role in this. The Jogress arcs have yet to set in, but the series still gives you a little preview of what’s to come eventually, such as the insight we get about Daisuke and Ken’s initial attitudes towards each other in 02 episode 8, and Iori later personally witnessing (and being very disturbed by) Takeru losing his composure in 02 episode 19. In this case, we see a bit of what Miyako and Hikari’s opposing personalities can offer for each other (especially since the later 02 episode 31 more heavily involves Miyako returning the favor in the other direction) -- Hikari correctly identifies exactly what it was that set Miyako off, takes responsibility for it, and even decides to make sure Miyako and Hawkmon get proper alone time so that they can figure things out. In general, everyone in the 02 team is understanding of Miyako’s antics and doesn’t hold any of it against her because she’s doing her best, but right now, Hikari may be the only person in this group who can actually proactively do something about it, because Daisuke’s not assertive enough to step in, Takeru has a tendency to dodge things whenever they get awkward, and Iori’s holding himself back too much for the sake of manners (especially in the presence of Miyako, who’s the oldest one in this group). But while Hikari does have an emotional repression problem, she’s perfectly capable of holding herself together and putting her foot down when it comes to other people, and because of this, she’s the one who’s able to understand what exactly is going on with Miyako, and how to adjust the situation around her to make things easier for her.

Miyako and Hawkmon have a proper heart-to-heart, and we see more of Miyako’s self-hating tendencies going on here -- she refers exactly to her problems with impulse control, and even labels herself a “bad partner” as a result. But Hawkmon reassures her that she’s fine the way she is, and it ties into how a larger theme of her character arc will involve her learning to find better ways to channel the qualities she already has, rather than trying to force herself to be someone she’s not.

Once the Kaiser is defeated, the second half of the series is where we start to see Miyako’s growth start to really kick in. In 02 episode 24, there’s a short blink-and-you’ll-miss-it scene where Miyako suddenly takes Daisuke and puts him in charge of taking care of the Punimon. Why is this important? Because two episodes prior, Daisuke had been running around in circles like an idiot due to having been third wheeled by Takeru and Hikari, and the moment Daisuke started exhibiting similar signs this time, Miyako personally stepped in and gave him a job to do -- and her actions of keeping an eye on them and her conversation with Takeru and Hikari indicate that she did it exactly because she figured that he would like it. Or, in other words, Miyako correctly identified Daisuke’s need for validation and purpose, and became the first person to proactively do something to address it -- Hikari and Takeru had generally been dodging it awkwardly for the duration of the series, which had only really been making it worse, and, in the absence of another crisis to take care of or someone like Ken to fill the void in Daisuke’s life, Miyako was able to properly figure out exactly what he needed at the moment as a stopgap, and thus is starting to settle into her proper role of understanding what others need in terms of emotional support and actively working to address it.

Since the second half of 02 is dedicated to Ken slowly establishing his place in the group, 02 episode 25 is dedicated to Miyako tussling with her conflicted feelings on the situation -- she’s just as open-minded and pure-hearted as Daisuke is, but the one thing that’s bothering her is that she’s a little more doubtful than he is in regards to whether Ken’s heart is really in the right place with all of this. She says, outright, that she believes he’s learned his lesson -- in a way far more firm than Takeru, Hikari, and Iori are about it -- but that one thing��about him having potentially killed Thunderballmon in cold blood doesn’t fit the optimistic image she’d like to have of him.

Daisuke is more practical-minded than she is and is more willing to accept that there might have been a good reason -- especially since he himself starts to consider in this very episode that killing an enemy may be necessary if it’s the only way to prevent more victims -- but Miyako is more emotionally oriented and just can’t accept the idea of doing this at all. Both the internal debate over accepting Ken and the internal debate over having to potentially do a kill tear her apart over the course of this episode, and Miyako finds herself constantly waffling back and forth between the two positions. It’s not just her expressing minor doubt; she actually agonizes over this for the duration of the night and the next day, to the point she even considers asking him about it (and eventually can’t bring herself to).

It’s also made a prominent point that Miyako’s prior attraction to Ken in 02 episode 8 was not the reason she wanted to be optimistic about him -- remember, back in 02 episode 14, she completely admitted that she judges people by appearances, but at this point she’s well past that! Miyako takes this entire issue of whether Ken should be considered a friend very seriously, and that’s why it torments her so much over the course of the episode.

Eventually, all is resolved (at least, for the time being) when it turns out that Ken has been dealing with non-sentient Dark Tower Digimon, and Miyako takes this as sufficient evidence that Ken has changed -- the morality debate about killing comes back in full force in 02 episode 43, and Ken himself ends up just as shaken about it, so the important part is that she understands that he’s trustworthy and wants to put faith in him. Attention is also given to Miyako deciding she’ll now call him by given name (”Ken-kun”) from now on -- even Daisuke himself won’t start calling him “Ken” regularly until 02 episode 39, but Miyako starts slowly inserting given-name basis for Ken into her vocabulary from this point on until she finally commits to it fully in 02 episode 30. This is a proactive and conscious act on Miyako’s part that she actively wants to get to know him better and consider him a close friend, and it’s because of this that she ends up one of the only people who never gets habituated into surname basis with him by the time everyone’s come to properly befriend him.

So, at this point: Within only one episode (and, in-universe, one day), Daisuke and Miyako landed on the same page with their ideological stance towards Ken. They’re both open-minded and forward-thinking, and have an interest in becoming his friend (the next person to show active and open goodwill towards him, Hikari, won’t do so for another 9 episodes). However, despite their surface temperaments being somewhat similar, they have some differences in their priorities and way of approaching things, and it means that each of them ends up reaching out to Ken in ways that the other isn’t as good at. Daisuke, being the very practical and simple-minded sort who doesn’t overthink things or get caught in arbitrary philosophy, is the one who most proactively reaches out to Ken and most famously connects with him the most due to Ken very badly needing guidance in how to move on forward and stop getting fixated on his past. Miyako, on the other hand, being very much the type to consciously think about things (to the point of sometimes thinking about too many things at once) and focus on “how do I most show my support for someone right now?”, puts her priorities on checking on Ken’s current emotional state and actively attempting to glean his feelings and position. 02 being a series about relationships and what people can provide for each other, this ends up reflecting on their roles in the group as a whole -- Daisuke becomes the person who can pull everyone forward in determining the best thing to do, whereas Miyako fills in the parts his rough-around-the-edges demeanor doesn’t quite cover in terms of supporting everyone emotionally and keeping them together.

And thus, Miyako resolves to “wait” until the day Ken will join them -- that is to say, she takes the stance that Ken deserves proper space and to come on his own terms. It’s an interesting inversion of the usual roles you’d expect from Daisuke and Miyako at this point -- and, again, since 02 is about relationships, “each character’s approach towards the new kid and how it impacts them” reflects a lot about their own characters. For Daisuke and Miyako, who were open-minded towards Ken early in the game, you can already see the impact on them -- the necessity of reaching out to Ken causes the normally deferential Daisuke to become more proactive and put his foot down, whereas the normally uncontrollably in-your-face Miyako comes to understand when something needs to be handled delicately and starts getting a better grasp on the concept of restraint.

Which means that Miyako’s actions regarding Ken in the following episodes are significantly more passive than Daisuke’s are, but it’s clear that she’s still supportive. Moreover, it’s also important to establish that she and Daisuke aren’t fighting about this or anything -- Miyako does want Ken to come around eventually, so she doesn’t stop the more proactive Daisuke from reaching out to Ken in an important way, but she instead exerts her position in ways such as joining in with the others reminding him that Ken might have gotten a bit emotionally overwhelmed by the Jogress (and thus that it’s understandable that he might need some time to parse this before pushing the issue further). The way Miyako words this statement so casually can easily be a distraction from the fact that she is completely correct -- as we see later, Ken did emotionally freak out the moment the incident was resolved and had to go home to think about this. Scatterbrained as Miyako may seem, as the series proceeds, it turns out that she has a natural propensity for empathy that means she’s capable of making perfectly correct readings of the situation, even without her thinking that hard about it.

Not that she’s correct all of the time, though. 02 episode 30 has her attempt to get Ken and Iori to hopefully be a little less tense around each other end in complete disaster (although to be fair to her, it’s not like she and Daisuke were particularly forceful about it, it’s just that their plan was so poorly set up that it was too easy to read the motive behind, and it’s ultimately thrown off because -- as Daisuke correctly points out -- the two are being really childish about it.) But in response, Miyako takes direct action and responsibility to fix the situation when Ken continues to refuse to help despite how badly the situation is escalating, and when she finally reaches him, she gets frustrated at the fact he’s being so stubborn, smacks him, and personally drags him back over. Miyako cared a lot about this, she had wanted Ken and Iori to get along for no reason of personal benefit to herself but more because she cared that much about the group’s dynamic and friendship, and she’d held herself back so much because she was worried about him, but here he’s taking all of that and still giving them all the cold shoulder when everyone is in grave danger, and all of that frustration causes her to break down at once.

And note Ken’s reaction -- he’d been holding off on the grounds that he was being a burden on everyone’s friendship, but he sees Miyako distraught and upset and calling him an idiot (i.e. his whole pretense of not hurting others has clearly not worked here), and his “idiot...?” comes out flustered and off-guard, and he shows no resentment towards her thereafter and comes quietly with no protest, even holding a hand to the place she’d smacked him as if mulling in agreement that he deserved that. So, again: Even when Miyako is coming to all of these conclusions in a haphazard manner, it doesn’t change the fact that her readings of these situations are often completely correct.

02 episode 31 is another landmark episode in which we get a lot of insight into Miyako’s current feelings regarding herself in comparison to others, and what she’s trying to achieve at this point in the series. Daisuke makes an offhand remark at the beginning of the episode about Hikari being more “kind” than Miyako (”kind” having a double meaning of “gentle” in Japanese, so Daisuke’s mainly referring to Miyako being such a rough and belligerent person). The way Miyako takes this statement indicates that Daisuke had accidentally just hit a very deep-seated complex within her -- Miyako had never liked the fact she was aggressive and belligerent and in-your-face (remember, back in 02 episode 14, she was constantly negatively comparing herself to Mimi for not being as good of a person as her, and now this has extended to Hikari, who “keeps so much inside”.). As the crisis in the episode escalates, Miyako continues to fall victim to her foot-in-mouth syndrome, saying things and instantly regretting it, because she sees herself as making the situation worse -- and especially when it comes to a situation also involving Ken, whom she’s actively trying to reach out to right now. Her frustration at the fact she can’t see what Ken and Hikari see is because, unable to understand what they’re talking about or what their feelings are, she’s basically a sitting duck who can’t do anything while things are getting worse for them.

Which ultimately results in Miyako completely losing her marbles and Hikari having to smack her out of it -- again, recall that in 02 episode 18, it was shown that Hikari is one of the few people who has enough assertiveness to be able to rein in Miyako’s behavior, and even outright admits that Miyako is a bit of a handful. Miyako, as it seems, had been carrying a complex that Hikari had been thinking of her badly for all of this -- but Hikari then proceeds to reveal the flip side of all of this: she’s also conversely jealous of Miyako for being able to express herself so clearly and easily, because she herself is the type who compulsively represses her own feelings about herself, which is why nobody had been able to properly reach out to her for the duration of Adventure and 02.

For someone who had spent so much time considering herself a “bad person” and a “worse person” in comparison to people like Mimi and Hikari, that someone considers her qualities outright enviable is a huge deal -- it’s not that Miyako’s an objectively worse person than all of the other people who aren’t as rough or in-your-face, but rather, that those qualities can bring out positive things in their own way. And, immediately after that, we see one of those things -- she makes Hikari laugh, thanks to her antics. Of course, it involves Miyako being a bit all over the place and making a lot of mistakes, but even she admits “I guess it is funny.”

And there’s another thing to this, too: Miyako continues to end up with foot-in-mouth as she casually refers to things like the Evil Ring and Ken being the Kaiser with zero fanfare, before realizing seconds after that she probably shouldn’t be doing that in front of him, but, once again, even without her realizing, her evaluation is not incorrect -- although the fact he’s extremely out of it doesn’t make that clear quite yet in this episode, Ken is not the kind of person who’s touchy about acknowledging that he was the Kaiser, and, by his own statement in 02 episode 23, his stance is that he wants to “accept everything about it”, take responsibility, and move on. So here we are with Miyako, who just casually tossed that statement out like it was no big deal, has accepted his past with no lingering grudge against him, and even made a casual evaluation about him presumably having the same resilience he had as the Kaiser, which, again, is completely accurate. All of this is exactly the kind of attitude that Ken needs to be surrounded by right now, and Miyako had just touched on this without even thinking that hard about it, and also is still making it clear she doesn’t want him to feel bad about it...

And so, the episode’s climax has Miyako finally attaining the solution to the question of reaching out to Hikari, the one that nobody had been able to successfully accomplish throughout Hikari’s childhood of never expressing herself properly and the majority of Adventure and 02: to get Hikari to stop being so passive and accepting her inevitable fate because she doesn’t want to burden others, someone as aggressive as her will need to reach her and yank her out, and hit all of the exact points about understanding that someone will be there for her and that she should not accept this defeatist mentality. Hikari is unusually, unhealthily passive, and Miyako, being outwardly aggressive and someone who never hesitates to be blunt about things, is the best person to yank her out of this; it was never a sign of her being a “bad person”, just something she needed to channel in the right direction.

At the end of the episode, we’re also reminded once again that this is a series about relationships, so this kind of growth is important to everyone’s relationships with others as well -- thanks to Miyako’s efforts, Hikari is finally able to speak honestly with Takeru in contrast to her way of leaving off in silence with him at the end of 02 episode 13, and Miyako herself is happy that she’s finally gotten to have a better understanding of both Hikari, whom she herself had been unsure about the position of earlier, and Ken, whom she’d been worried she hadn’t been reaching out to in the right way.

While Ken was out of it during said episode and unable to coherently respond, we do get confirmation that he himself has hopped on the train of respecting Miyako’s intent well enough that he doesn’t hold anything over her -- during 02 episode 33, a mere three episodes after she’d personally slapped him in the face and two episodes after he’d practically seen her at her emotional worst, he still takes it upon himself to personally deliver Poromon to Kyoto and trust her to handle the rest. This isn’t that particularly interesting by itself, but moreso in terms of the context this is in -- this is a point where Ken’s still at awkward arm’s length with a lot of the team (including even Daisuke, in some ways), and he’s seen Miyako do all of the above messy things only not too long ago, but he still is comfortable enough around her and trusting enough in her abilities that he’s okay with casually approaching her and saying “you got this.” So it’s working, all things considered!

We also learn that Miyako had trusted Koushirou with Poromon during her trip to Kyoto, which says a lot about the fact she trusts her senior that much -- and, on a meta level, seems there specifically to facilitate the existence of the above scene (it would have been very easy to save time by just having Poromon accompany Miyako from the get-go and ending Ken’s involvement in the episode at his conversation with Koushirou...).

The following episodes also meanwhile establish that Miyako’s relationship with Hikari has been improving a lot -- with Miyako now actually understanding what Hikari needs, she’s much more proactive in reaching out to Hikari, and it’s even said directly by Iori in 02 episode 36 that their relationship seems to have gotten much better now. And, once again, Miyako’s antics are depicted as making people laugh -- note her and Hawkmon’s over-the-top advertisement performance doing so for everyone in the vicinity.

Which is also reinforced, again, in 02 episode 38, when this even spreads to Ken himself, in a moment that’s said to be particularly unusual and portrayed as one of the first times Ken has been able to be truly carefree in a long time. Again, the point here is: Miyako’s “all-over-the-place” nature brings joy to other people, and that “she makes people laugh” is continually reinforced as a symbol of this over the course of the second half of the series.

Beyond that, the visit to Ken’s house kicks off with Miyako noticing the picture of Osamu and asking about it, to the point she’s shown leaning over and staring at it for quite a while -- Koushirou had allegedly informed her about it earlier, and a whole point is made that she’s the one very prominently wanting to understand more about Ken and his background.

Also, Miyako reminds us all that she still does think Ken is attractive, but it’s a huge contrast to her behavior from back in 02 episode 8, when she knew nothing about him except that he was some celebrity genius boy -- she got completely worked up about it, moped about it for a whole day, and even dragged the fixation into the next day when she started aggressively confronting Daisuke about it, but we’re here 30 episodes later with Miyako actually considering him an important friend that she respects the feelings of, and she simply casually tosses out the statement of him being cute in her usual “like it’s commenting on the weather” manner, with no extra weirdness about it.

We close up some of the threads of Miyako's character arcs when Miyako herself is forced to confront the possibility of fighting an enemy to the kill in 02 episode 44, and Silphymon is eventually forced to kill LadyDevimon to save Miyako's life. Miyako’s emotional reaction is given the most attention here, since she herself had fixated so much on the horror of potentially killing Golemon back in 02 episode 25 -- in fact, everything Miyako does in this episode is about her emotional empathy and empathy for others, in that she rails on LadyDevimon for being a “coward” who hurts other people. Eventually, it’s once again the assertive Hikari who’s able to get her back on her feet by putting it in a way she can understand -- they were not doing it out of a callous and cruel intent to kill, but to save the exact victims that Miyako herself wanted to prevent.

And, even to the very end of the series, Miyako continues to channel her proactivity into emotional awareness first and foremost -- 02 episode 46 has her take the lead in the Dark Seed roundtable, and it’s implied that she’s doing this mainly because she knows this is a very personal issue for Ken to have to witness. In contrast to the way she frantically started spitting out potentially insensitive things in front of Ken in 02 episode 31, here, she outright says that she doesn’t want to make him feel bad about this (and, fortunately, he understands perfectly well that she’s trying). Even all the way to the very end in 02 episode 50, she’s the one who first brings up the question of the issue, because of how emotionally invested she got into this and her high level of awareness as to how deeply this impacted Ken.

In 02 episode 49, BelialVamdemon presents everyone in the team with a potential deep-seated desire that none of them want to admit, and in the case of Miyako’s, it ends up being a rather tame thing in comparison to Iori and Takeru’s more severe family issues, Hikari’s desire for WORLD PEACE!!, and Ken’s complicated feelings about punishment and forgiveness. In Miyako’s dream world, she’s just eating cake, and it says a lot about the fact that were it not for the fact that she overthinks things and often gets easily stressed, she’s fundamentally fairly free of deep-seated issues in a way not entirely dissimilar to Daisuke’s simple and pure-hearted way of life.

The thing that causes Miyako’s issue is often misinterpreted to be about her selfishly wanting everything to herself, or the idea she’s fighting for attention with her siblings, but Hawkmon actually says what the real problem is in direct words: her crowded family is “noisy”. Or in other words -- Miyako, being the overly empathetic type and someone who easily succumbs to stress, is just really overwhelmed and stressed because of everything around her.

An interesting thing about Miyako’s “illusion” is that it’s the only one that in itself starts making its victim feel lonely and sad even before it’s taken away or dispelled -- Takeru and Iori had to have their happy images pulled away from them, Hikari had to have Tailmon clarify that everything is fake, and Ken had to have Wormmon personally chase the image of his brother away. But in the case of Miyako, all Hawkmon has to do is ask if she’s happy right now, and she’s quick to admit that she’s not. It’s just that everything was stressful and overwhelming and there was so much to deal with all of the time, and for once she wanted to be able to enjoy a little peace, but she loves her family and she loves everyone around her and she doesn’t want to be alone, and she’d rather have them back even if it’s stressful. Miyako’s love for others is so strong that even an illusion supposedly made to cater to her won’t make her happy if everyone’s gone.

Miyako also takes the moment to realize that for all Hawkmon’s been going out of his way to be steadfast and loyal to her, she hasn’t been doing enough to understand her own partner in turn, and there’s still a lot more she can do in terms of thinking of others.

Miyako after 02

As per Spring 2003, once Miyako graduates elementary school and moves to middle school, she continues trying to be helpful to her juniors -- she joins the computer club and once again ends up under Koushirou, and now outright makes music for Yamato’s band (some creative differences aside). It’s also interesting to note her attitude towards her other friends when she tries to recruit them into her music unit -- she snarks at everyone right up until she gets to Ken, who declines politely, and in exchange, she just can't bring herself to be mean to him and simply apologizes for asking too much. It’s ambiguous whether this is because she’s still trying to have a heightened level of consideration around him (this is still only four months after 02′s finish, after all), but it seems she’s still concerned about the idea of handling him overly roughly, and is able to exercise a proper level of restraint about him.

Which brings us all the way to Kizuna, a whole eight years later where we have to fill in a lot of blanks about what’s been happening in the meantime, but the official website establishes that she’s now pursuing a degree in computer programming at an engineering university, and is now on study abroad in Spain (implied to be Barcelona, given details in both the movie itself and the drama CD). Pretty ambitious stuff!...or at least that’s the first impression one would get, until it turns out that she’s getting her flighty personality enabled by the local culture. As we learn in the drama CD, she’s absolutely taking the time to milk this entire situation so she can play around -- and, in accordance with how she was established to be an important factor in bringing Hikari out of her shell, it’s rubbing off on Hikari, too.

In addition, Miyako is still working under Koushirou despite their educational careers having completely diverged, this time as his assistant in terms of managing the Chosen Child community. Interestingly, her specific job seems to be consultation, and people come to her for “advice and stuff” -- meaning that it’s very likely that a lot of new Chosen Children who are having a hard time adjusting to life with a partner are coming to her for practical and emotional advice, and she’s still continuing to channel her ability to be emotionally aware and supportive of others.

That is to say, until she gets a mysterious request from a certain Menoa Bellucci. We learn later that Menoa’s motive was to obtain the list of international Chosen Children, meaning that she most definitely was not approaching Miyako for emotional help, and with that, Miyako decides that she doesn’t want to do this and dumps it on her seniors...

...but then picks it back up with zero hesitation the moment her friends present her that exact same job, and not only is it just “zero hesitation”, Ken even comments on how “fast” she arrived to do so! (This was also before Iori came up with the plan to infiltrate Menoa’s office; there wasn’t any indication Miyako’s computer abilities would be particularly necessary at the time.) On top of that, the drama CD gives us full context as to why she was so willing to dump this on her seniors in the first place -- she had wanted to see her friends so badly that she practically invented D-3 gate exploitation so she could hang out with her friends despite technically being in another country, and even wanted to invite them to come visit her, and eventually they’d all made an organized plan to meet up in New York. In other words, her loyalty to her friends is still stronger than anything else -- remember, she’s the kind of person who was picking up tons of jobs specifically so she could help her friends in the first place.

On that note, Ken’s ability to be casual with everyone besides Daisuke has noticeably improved, and that’s especially prominent with Miyako, whom he proactively converses with in a way that wouldn’t have happened back in 02, and, likewise, in contrast to the sense of distance she’d still been maintaining with him back during the final arc of 02 and Spring 2003, she has no qualms about handling him as casually as she would anyone else.

Which eventually leads us to...

This is a recurring theme on this blog, but every so often I have to draw the distinction between creative concepts “in meta” (i.e. the way the audience will read it, in relation to franchise standards and other real-life factors) and said concepts “in-universe” (i.e. with audience factors completely removed, whether there’s a presumable logical reason for these events happening in-universe, and whether this is reasonable behavior to expect out of the characters). This blog is largely dedicated to the latter, but the reason why I have to keep drawing this distinction in the first place is that I get the impression that the staff behind Adventure and 02 really did not pay much mind to the former part as part of their dedication to the latter. And, I mean, part of the reason I respect the writing of Adventure and 02 so much is how uncompromising they were in terms of not really pandering to what a fanbase might expect, which allowed the story to retain a lot of creative integrity that it wouldn’t have otherwise.

But every so often you get something like this that makes me want to just bang my head on the table and scream, I swear, I get what you guys were going for, but I am begging you, please think a little harder about how people are going to read this!! In general, I do think there’s something that’s not very good about disregarding your audience completely, because if you’re trying to say important things and those things are going directly over your audience’s heads (this is a kids’ show, for goodness’s sake), you can’t call that good communication, and it’s not like you can blame the audience for getting blindsided or being upset, and this is before we get into what they just dropped on the global audience that was presumably full of young girls interested in STEM fields who were hoping to see them go all the way with that, or the feelings of those who are bothered that one character has to be singled out to be defined solely by her relationship to others, and I mean -- to be fair, with a character like Miyako and the tons of things going on with her, there was probably no outcome they could come up with that wouldn’t be reinforcing some negative stereotype (believe it or not, there are people who have conversely mentioned identifying deeply with Miyako’s personal story and the meaning of this ending to them, and have also expressed discomfort about some of the comments the fanbase has made over the years), but at the same time, holy hell, they really went for the one that immediately looks the worst on its face...

...That aside, I will reiterate that this is a blog and analysis meant for that latter category of “analyzing things in-universe”, and making good-faith assumptions that there was a reason for everything (and, I’ll be quite honest, reading everything the staff has said about the characters, including Miyako, there is no indication that they didn’t treat every single one of them with love and zero intention to curse any of them into a horrible fate). We can debate whether this was a good or bad choice in the context of real life, or how much they really should have thought this through more or considered alternative ways to do this, in another place and time (it’s been done by many other people, myself included, in the last 20 years, and it will most certainly continue after this, and probably should continue). It’s not like I’m necessarily giving my blessing to every single creative decision in Adventure or 02 in running this blog, it’s more of the attitude of “now that this decision was in the series, can we figure out what that was intended to mean?”, and that’s going to apply to this one too. And so, we’ll proceed with the analysis.

In any case, here’s the first thing to start with, which may surprise some people to learn: at no point in the epilogue is the word “housewife” ever used to refer to Miyako. The only words that Takeru uses to describe her are: that she is married to Ken and is a mother of three. Not only that, post-02 materials that have referred to the epilogue and Miyako’s part in it have also avoided using that word -- the Character Complete File and the Animation Chronicle only reiterate the same points of “married to Ken” and “mother of three children”, and practically go out of their way to avoid insinuating that being a stay-at-home housewife is the main focus of her life right now. It would have been so easy to say it outright if they’d wanted to, but they didn’t, and they consistently don’t, to the point the omission is almost suspicious. And, indeed, if you want to believe the Character Complete File, Miyako is not a full-time housewife and is simply not working at the time of the epilogue due to maternity leave because the third child had recently been born. So it’s completely within the realm of possibility that she’s still working! In that case, why is something that could easily be a big deal left ambiguous like this?

If you look at the way the epilogue presents its information, there’s a certain pattern: what information is emphasized and what information is given little attention or omitted has very little to do with “how curious the audience would be about it”, but rather “how relevant it is”; just because a certain piece of information is omitted doesn’t mean it necessarily isn’t true. For example, Sora; she’s married to Yamato, but despite how much the audience would probably consider that as vital information, it’s left for you to infer from the visuals and an oblique comment that Sora’s daughter is a “dependable older sister”, and even the question of whether Sora did succeed her mother in flower arrangement is left up in the air despite that also probably being a question the audience is curious about (and in fact, a few flower branches are clearly visible in the front, implying very heavily that, whatever happened, she’s at least still maintaining her roots with her family instead of violently cutting it all off). But we do learn about the fact that she went into fashion design, which is something that’s not an expectation that was placed by her family but rather something she presumably decided on herself. Hence, presumably why that’s the part emphasized, and moreso than her marriage to Yamato -- said marriage is of course an important part of her life, but it’s not as prominent as the fact that she has her own independent career, especially since her entire character arc was about doing things that she wanted for herself instead of doing things for others. That is to say, compared to their own individual ambitions, Sora and Yamato’s love life is “an important part, but not the important part.” This is especially when you add the context that Takeru is delivering abridged single-sentence “catch-up” descriptions of his friends on their behalf (possibly to the world, if this is part of his novel), and so, it begs the question: what would each of these characters want to be most remembered for accomplishing?

(And if you think I’m being tinfoil hat about this, remember that a constant theme with this blog I’m running is that “being annoyingly subtle and relying on ridiculously oblique messaging” like this permeates the entirety of 02 in general, and it’s definitely not the only time they’ve used this kind of technique to communicate details that are too consistent and on-the-nose to be passed off as coincidence. As far as assuming that this series follows rational storytelling logic goes, we are far past that point, and in ways that extend far beyond this epilogue.)

So we look back at Miyako, and the hobbies she’d indulged in and what purpose they were for, and her personality, and the fact that the main point of her character arc was about her complex that she would never be a good enough person who could properly emotionally reach out and take care of others -- in some ways, her arc was the opposite of Sora’s, in that while Sora’s was about not being as beholden to others, Miyako’s was about how to become someone who can better support others -- and once we apply the above question, there lies the answer to why the priority and emphasis given to her future in the epilogue is “Miyako is the kind of person who prioritizes taking care of and supporting her loved ones more than anything else.”

This is especially because (in an epilogue with not very many lines, so every bit of information becomes vital) the lines we see Miyako and her family exchange are representative of a lot of what that character arc was about. According to her son, Miyako is still her panicky and emotionally messy self, even when in the role of the matriarch of a large family who’s responsible for taking care of all of them. She did not ever become the ideal “gentle” and “mature” kind of person that she considered Mimi and Hikari to be and negatively compared herself to. However, her family responds by cheerfully laughing, which is -- most likely not coincidentally -- the same thing that was shown to be the positive flip side of Miyako’s over-the-top personality back in 02 episodes 31, 36, and 38, in that it brings joy and cheer to others.

If you do want to take the Character Complete File’s statement at face value, the fact that she’s on self-imposed maternity leave means that it’s very likely she wasn’t on a salaried job and was instead freelancing, or at least was involved with something that didn’t require constant commitment. Considering the fact she’s consistently portrayed as an impatient sort who gets bored easily, she probably would prefer something more flexible like freelancing or at least not being tied to a single thing; even looking back at her completely disparate hobbies back when she was a kid, when she was basically jack-of-all-trades-ing to fit whatever people needed her for, she never really came off as someone who could commit very easily to a single form of work, but what she did have commitment to was other people, especially her friends and family. If you (or, perhaps, Takeru) were to ask her during the time of the epilogue “what are you up to right now?”, it’s not really that hard to believe that gushing about her lovely family would come before everything else; not to say that everyone else here (especially her own husband) isn’t presumably devoted to their own families, but Miyako’s the type to have that much higher sense of pride in what she does for those she cares about than she would have particular attachment to any kind of work. Look at her behavior during Kizuna; she’s pursuing a degree in computer programming and thus is still aiming to be a busybody with a high level of skill, but when given a job by a stranger, she immediately dumps it off on her seniors so she can be with her friends, then happily accepts that same job again when the same friends present it back to her.

So, in other words, the conclusion is: the biggest priority and most important thing to Miyako in regards to her future is that she finally became someone who could properly support others around her, even in spite of her personality that would suggest otherwise.

In addition, the fact that she has three children might initially come off as a little in-your-face or overkill, but remember that Miyako came from a family with four siblings, and 02 episode 49 had her say outright that she does treasure that – or, in other words, being part of a big family surrounded by affection and love is something she considers to be a valuable part of her life (especially since the age gaps between the three children imply a reasonable likelihood of actual family planning, moreso than even Miyako’s own).

Incidentally, this is just a bit of a personal note, but one might notice that I’ve also never actually used the word “housewife” to refer to the epilogue’s depiction of Miyako in the course of writing for this blog, because of how little evidence we have that she is one – being on temporary maternity leave still being a very viable and, given the post-02 materials we now have, arguably heavily likely interpretation, it’s not like you’d necessarily call someone a housewife if their break from work is only temporary, even if they’re a freelancer. Given the above circumstances, perhaps something like “family matriarch” would be more accurate…

#digimon #digimon adventure 02 #digimon adventure last evolution kizuna #inoue miyako #miyako inoue #kizuna spoilers #shihameta

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gffa · 4 years

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OKAY, IF I’M GONNA DO THIS, I’M GONNA DO IT PROPERLY. WHICH MEANS YEAH IT’S GONNA GET REALLY LONG. A couple of things to say ahead of time: Lucasfilm’s Story Group has always said CANON > WORD OF GOD when it comes to these matters, so when I quote canon examples from supplementary materials that contradict what he says, that’s LF’s official position, but that doesn’t mean that an influential person like Dave’s views couldn’t affect how things will be shaped in the future, like Deborah Chow listening to this may be influenced by it on the Obi-Wan show, despite that Master & Apprentice contradicts him. It’s an incredibly murky area! Mileages are going to vary. Another thing to keep in mind is that Dave Filoni never worked on The Phantom Menace, that was long, long before his time at Lucasfilm (which I think he joined sometime around 2007? and TPM was released in 1999), that he has worked with George more than probably anyone else, but we cannot and should not treat him as infallible or the True Authority on things, because even Dave himself has said things like: “I mean, I know why I did that and what it means, but I don't like to explain too much. I love for the viewers to watch stuff and come up with their own theories -- and they frankly come up with better things that I intended.” --Dave Filoni, Entertainment Tonight 2020 interview Or, in the same episode as the above Qui-Gon interpretation:

So, when I dig into this, I’m not doing this out of a sense of malice or even that I suddenly hate Dave or don’t appreciate all the incredible things he’s brought to SW, but in that I disagree with his take, Dave understands that he doesn’t always get it right, that he enjoys that fans come up with different things than he does and sometimes he likes those even more. There’s room for both of us and, for all that Dave mentions George a lot (and, hey, fair enough, the guy worked with George and I’m just quoting what George Lucas has said) doesn’t mean that this is straight from George, especially because I have never seen George Lucas utter so much as a peep about how the Jedi were responsible for Anakin’s fall. He has explicitly and frequently talked about how Anakin’s fall was his own choice, as well as I’ve never seen him say anything Jedi-critical beyond “they were kind of arrogant about themselves”. I have read and watched every George Lucas interview I could get my hands on and maybe I’m still missing something, but that’s literally the extent of him criticizing the Jedi I have EVER seen. (It’s from the commentary on AOTC where he put in the scene with Jocasta to show they were full of themselves, but I also think it’s fair to point out that Obi-Wan immediately contradicts this by going to Dex for help, showing that it’s not necessarily a Jedi-wide thing.) Before I go further, I want to say: this is not a post meant to tear down Qui-Gon, he is a character I actually really do love, but the focus is on showing why the above interpretation of him is wrong, which means focusing on Qui-Gon’s flaws. He has many wonderful qualities, he is someone who cared deeply and was a good person, I think things would have been better had he lived! But Anakin’s choices did not hinge on him, because Anakin’s choices were Anakin’s, that has always been the consistent theme of how George talks about him, the way he talks about the story is always in terms of “Anakin did this” or “Anakin chose that”, and the Jedi are very consistently shown as caring, they believed very much in love and Dave’s own show (well, I say “his own show”, but honestly TCW was George’s baby primarily and he had a lot of direct, hands-on say in crafting it, through at least the first five seasons) is plenty of evidence of that. I’m not going to quote the full thing because this is already a monster post, I’m just going to focus on the Jedi stuff, because I like the other points a lot, but if you want the full text, it’s here. The relevant part is: “In Phantom Menace, you’re watching these two Jedi in their prime fight this evil villain. Maul couldn’t be more obviously the villain. He’s designed to look evil, and he is evil, and he just expresses that from his face all the way out to the type of lightsaber he fights with. What’s at stake is really how Anakin is going to turn out. Because Qui-Gon is different than the rest of the Jedi and you get that in the movie; and Qui-Gon is fighting because he knows he’s the father that Anakin needs. Because Qui-Gon hasn’t given up on the fact that the Jedi are supposed to actually care and love and that’s not a bad thing. The rest of the Jedi are so detached and they become so political that they’ve really lost their way and Yoda starts to see that in the second film. But Qui-Gon is ahead of them all and that’s why he’s not part of the council. So he’s fighting for Anakin and that’s why it’s the ‘Duel of the Fates’ – it’s the fate of this child. And depending on how this fight goes, Anakin, his life is going to be dramatically different. “So Qui-Gon loses, of course. So the father figure, he knew what it meant to take this kid away from his mother when he had an attachment, and he’s left with Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan trains Anakin at first out of a promise he makes to Qui-Gon, not because he cares about him. When they get Anakin, they find him on Tatooine, he says “Why do I feel like we’ve found another useless lifeform?” He’s comparing Anakin to Jar Jar and he’s saying “this is a waste of our time, why are we doing this, why do you see importance in these creatures like Jar Jar Binks and this ten-year-old boy? This is useless.” “So, he’s a brother to Anakin eventually but he’s not a father figure. That’s a failing for Anakin. He doesn’t have the family that he needs. He loses his mother in the next film. He fails on this promise that he made, “mother, I’m going to come back and save you”. So he’s left completely vulnerable and Star Wars is ultimately about family. So that moment in that movie which a lot of people I think diminish, “oh there’s a cool lightsaber fight”, but it’s everything that the entire three films of the prequels hangs on, is that one particular fight. And Maul serves his purpose and at that point died before George made me bring him back, but he died.“ --Dave Filoni I’m going to take this a piece at a time to show why I really disagree with the content of both the movies and The Clone Wars supporting what Dave says and, instead, contradicts it a lot. The rest of the Jedi are so detached and they become so political that they’ve really lost their way and Yoda starts to see that in the second film. He doesn’t explain what this means, but I’m pretty sure that he’s referring to this conversation: OBI-WAN: “I am concerned for my Padawan. He is not ready to be given this assignment on his own yet.” YODA: “The Council is confident in its decision, Obi-Wan.” MACE WINDU: “The boy has exceptional skills.” OBI-WAN: “But he still has much to learn, Master. His abilities have made him... well.... arrogant.” YODA: “Yes, yes. A flaw more and more common among Jedi. Hmm... too sure of themselves they are. Even the older, more experienced ones.” MACE WINDU: “Remember, Obi-Wan, if the prophecy is true, your apprentice is the only one who can bring the Force back into balance.” OBI-WAN: "If he follows the right path.” None of that has anything to do with being “detached” and, further, I think this is something that’s come up with Dave’s view of Luminara a lot, because he’s described her (re: the Geonosis arc): “We were trying to illustrate the difference between the way Anakin is raising his Padawan, and how much he cares about her, and the way Luminara raises her Padawan. Not that Luminara is indifferent, but that Luminara is detached. It’s not that she doesn’t care, but she’s not attached to her emotionally.” Here, he says that the Jedi care, in the above, he says that the Jedi don’t care, which makes me think there’s a lot of characterization drift as time goes on, especially when fandom bombards everyone with the idea that the Jedi were cold, emotionless, and didn’t care. However, look at Luminara’s face in that arc, when she’s talking with Anakin:

That is not the face of someone who doesn’t care. She even smiles brightly in relief when Barriss is shown to be okay, that this really doesn’t convey “detached” in an unloving or uncaring way. (We’ll get to attachment later, that’s definitely coming.) (I’m also mostly skipping the political thing, because I think that’s just a fundamental disagreement of whether Jedi should or should not lean into politics. My view basically boils down to that I think ALL OF US should be leaning more into politics because we are citizens who live in the world and are responsible for it, and the Jedi are no different. This is evidenced by: - M&A’s storyline has Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan saving the day specifically because they play politics, that’s how they manage to free the slaves, through playing politics and being part of the Republic/having Senate backing. - The Clone Wars has shown that the Jedi believe “lasting change can only come from within” and “it’s every citizen’s duty to hold their leaders accountable” when Ahsoka teaches the cadets on Mandalore, as well as that politics are not inherently bad, given that Padme and Bail are working to make the system better or “create lasting change from within [the system]” - "Trying to serve the greater good does not always make you popular” says Padme Amidala in a very caring speech - Star Wars Propaganda makes the case that the Jedi might have won the war had they leaned more into politics. - Sometimes the Jedi get unfairly accused of playing politics when there’s just no good choice and they still have to choose one or the other.) But Qui-Gon is ahead of them [re: caring and loving] all and that’s why he’s not part of the council. This is flat-out wrong in regards to canon. Mileages are going to vary, of course, on how much one takes a novel into consideration, but Dave Filoni is not a fan with the luxury of deciding what is or isn’t canon, he works on Star Wars where canon is canon. Now, does that mean canon will never contradict itself, especially if Dave gets to write something for Qui-Gon? Of course not, SW isn’t immune to continuity errors and they themselves have never said otherwise, even when fans want to hold them to that standard. However, this is still pretty much a big “that’s not what happened” instance. In Master & Apprentice, the Jedi Council offer a seat to Qui-Gon on the Council, specifically BECAUSE he has different opinions from them and they welcome that. (Excerpt here.) “We hope it will also be our gain,” Mace replied. “Qui-Gon Jinn, we hereby offer you a seat on the Jedi Council.” Had he misheard? No, he hadn’t. Qui-Gon slowly gazed around the circle, taking in the expressions of each Council member in turn. Some of them looked amused, others pleased. A few of them, Yoda included, appeared more rueful than not. But they were serious. “I admit—you’ve surprised me,” Qui-Gon finally said.“I imagine so,” Mace said drily. “A few years ago, we would’ve been astonished to learn we would ever consider this. But in the time since, we’ve all changed. We’ve grown. Which means the possibilities have changed as well.” Qui-Gon took a moment to collect himself. Without any warning, one of the turning points of his life had arrived. Everything he said and did in the next days would be of great consequence. “You’ve argued with my methods often as not, or perhaps you’d say I’ve argued with yours.” “Truth, this is,” Yoda said. Depa Billaba gave Yoda a look Qui-Gon couldn’t interpret. “It’s also true that the Jedi Council needs more perspectives.” Ultimately, Qui-Gon is the who turns them down and gives up a chance to shape the Jedi Council because he doesn’t like the shape they’re taking. That he does become less political, but this is after he’s argued that the Jedi should be working to push the Senate harder, so when he has a chance to help with that, he turns it down. It has nothing to do with caring and loving, it’s about Qui-Gon’s desire to not have to deal with the work himself, when he wants to be more of a hippie Jedi. (I’ve written a lot about Qui-Gon in M&A, why I actually think it’s really spot-on to someone who can be both really kind and really kind of a dick, but it’s not the most flattering portrayal, even if narrative intention likely didn’t mean what came across to me. I think this post and this post are probably the most salient ones, but if you want something of an index of the web that’s being woven with all the various media, this one is good, too.) So he’s fighting for Anakin and that’s why it’s the ‘Duel of the Fates’ – it’s the fate of this child. And depending on how this fight goes, Anakin, his life is going to be dramatically different. I have only ever seen George Lucas talk about Anakin’s fate in one instance and it’s this: “It’s fear of losing somebody he loves, which is the flipside of greed. Greed, in terms of the Emperor, it’s the greed for power, absolute power, over everything. With Anakin, really it’s the power to save the one he loves, but it’s basically going against the Fates and what is natural.“ –George Lucas, Revenge of the Sith commentary I’ve made my case about why I think Anakin’s fate is about that moment in Palpatine’s office, and so I’m not fundamentally opposed that “Duel of the Fates” is about Anakin’s fate, but here’s what George has provably said about the “Duel of the Fates” part of the story: - In the commentary for The Phantom Menace during “Duel of the Fates” and none of Dave’s speculation is even hinted at, there’s more focus on the technical side of things and the most George talks about is that it’s Obi-Wan who parallels Luke in going over the edge during the fight, except that instead of a Sith cutting off a Jedi’s hand, it’s a Jedi cutting a Sith in half, drawing the parallels between them. - He does say of the funeral scene that this is where Obi-Wan commits to training Anakin and how everything is going to go (though, in canon we see that Obi-Wan still struggles with this a bit, but Yoda is there to support him and nudge him into committing even more to Anakin, because the Jedi are a supportive community to each other). This is some solid evidence for that Obi-Wan is already caring about Anakin beyond just Qui-Gon. - Then here’s what he says about the “Duel of the Fates” fights and themes of them in "All Films Are Personal": George Lucas: “I wanted to come up with an apprentice for the Emperor who was striking and tough. We hadn’t seen a Sith Lord before, except for Vader, of course. I wanted to convey the idea that Jedi are all very powerful, but they’re also vulnerable — which is why I wanted to kill Qui-Gon. That is to say, “Hey, these guys aren’t Superman.” These guys are people who are vulnerable, just like every other person. “We needed to establish that, but at the same time, we wanted the ultimate sword fight, because they were all very good. It sort of predisposes the sword fight between Anakin and Obi-Wan later on. There’s real purpose to it. You have to establish the rules and then stick with them. The scene illustrates just how Jedi and Sith fight and use lightsabers.” “So Qui-Gon loses, of course. So the father figure, he knew what it meant to take this kid away from his mother when he had an attachment, and he’s left with Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan trains Anakin at first out of a promise he makes to Qui-Gon, not because he cares about him. We’ll get to the “attachment to his mother” thing in a bit--but, for now, let’s just say, George Lucas’ words on this are not that attachment to her was a good thing. Fair enough that “not because he cares about him” is up to personal interpretation, but canon has also addressed the topic of Obi-Wan’s treatment of Anakin and Obi-Wan stepped up to the plate on this. In addition to how we see Obi-Wan REPEATEDLY being there for Anakin and being concerned and caring about him, they specifically talk about Qui-Gon and overcome this hurdle.

No, Obi-Wan is not Anakin’s father figure, on that we definitely agree. Anakin never really even treats Obi-Wan like a father--he says “you’re the closest thing I have to a father” in Attack of the Clones, as well as he says Obi-Wan practically raised him in The Clone Wars “Crystal Crisis” story reels, but Anakin has never actually acted like Obi-Wan is his father--”then why don’t you listen to me?” Obi-Wan points out in AOTC--as well as Obi-Wan glides past those remarks, which I’ve always taken that he doesn’t want to reject Anakin’s feelings, knowing that Anakin can be sensitive about them, but neither does he want to confirm them. This does not mean Obi-Wan was not supportive, caring, and loving. He says, “I loved you!” to Anakin in Revenge of the Sith, he asks after him and if he’s sleeping well in Attack of the Clones, and even George Lucas himself said that the elevator scene was set up TO SHOW OBI-WAN AND ANAKIN CARE FOR EACH OTHER:

PUTTING THE REST UNDER A READ MORE FOR A BETTER LENGTH REBLOGGABLE VERSION, IF YOU WANT.

This is further evidenced by how the Jedi do see themselves as family, they just don’t need to put it into strict nuclear family dynamics: - “You were my brother, Anakin! I loved you!” [–Obi-Wan Kenobi, Revenge of the Sith] - “We are brothers, Master Dibs.” [–Mace Windu, Jedi of the Republic - Mace Windu] - “Did your parents bicker?” she asked. “The adoptive ones, I mean.” A slow smile broke across Ashla’s face, curling first one side of her mouth and then the other. Whatever she was remembering, Kaeden could tell it was good. "All the time,“ Ashla said, almost as if she were talking to herself. [–Kaeden Larte, Ahsoka Tano, Ahsoka] - Vos, brought to the Temple even younger than most, felt that he had hundreds of brothers and sisters, and it seemed that whenever he went into the dining hall he ran into at least half of them. [Dark Disciple] - “It was not his birthplace, exactly, but the Jedi Temple was where Quinlan Vos had grown up. He’d raced through its corridors, hidden behind its massive pillars, found peace in its meditation hall, ended-and started-fights in rooms intended for striking blows and some that weren’t, and sneaked naps in its library. All Jedi came here, at some point in their lives; for Quinlan, it always felt like coming home when he ran lightly up the stairs and entered the massive building as he did now.” [Dark Disciple] Brothers, sisters, and other more non-traditional kinds of family are not lesser and Obi-Wan and Anakin absolutely were family, just as the Jedi are all family to each other, so, no, there was no “failing” Anakin, except in Anakin’s mind, perhaps. (In that, I can agree. But not on a narratively approved level, canon too thoroughly refutes that for me.) Rebels as well pretty thoroughly shows that non-traditional families are meaningful and just as important--we may joke that Hera is “space mom”, but she’s not actually Ezra or Sabine’s mother, Kanan is not actually their father, and even if they sometimes stray into aspects of those roles (as the Jedi do as well in the movies and TCW), that they don’t need that traditional nuclear family structure. Mentor figures--and Kanan is Ezra’s mentor--are just as meaningful and needful as a “dad”. And I’m kind of :/ at the implication that anyone without a dad/father figure or mom/mother figure is being “failed”. When they get Anakin, they find him on Tatooine, he says “Why do I feel like we’ve found another useless lifeform?” He’s comparing Anakin to Jar Jar and he’s saying “this is a waste of our time, why are we doing this, why do you see importance in these creatures like Jar Jar Binks and this ten-year-old boy? This is useless.” Whether or not Obi-Wan is being genuinely dismissive in this movie (I think you could make a case either way), the idea that Qui-Gon is better than Obi-Wan about this, as shown through Jar Jar isn’t exactly very supported given how Qui-Gon and Jar Jar first exchange words:

QUI-GON: “You almost got us killed. Are you brainless?” JAR JAR: “I spake.” QUI-GON: “The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.” Qui-Gon is just as bad as everyone else to Jar Jar, he’s not somehow elevated above them. It’s also baffling because, Dave, I have watched your show. The Jedi are specifically shown to be kind to people and creatures, not considering them “useless”. Henry Gilroy (who was the co-writer for The Clone Wars and frequently appeared in featurettes on the same level as Dave Filoni) explicitly draws this to The Jedi Way, that “life is everything to the Jedi“, when he said this about the Ryloth episodes:

(Caps cribbed from Pan’s blog, because I cannot make another gif, save me, please.) Henry Gilroy in an Aggressive Negotiations Interview: "Obi-Wan truly is a Jedi in that he’s like, ‘Okay, I’m not going to murder these creatures [in the Ryloth arc of The Clone Wars]. They’re starving to death. They’ve basically been unleashed against these people as a weapon, but it’s not their fault. They’re just doing what they do. They’re just animals who wanna eat.’ "So the idea was–and I think there was an early talk about how, 'Oh, yeah, he’ll go running through them and slicing and dicing them and chop them all up or whatever, and save his guys. And I’m like, 'Yeah, but that’s not really the Jedi way. He’s not just gonna murder these creatures.’ "And I know the threat is [there], to save one life you have to take one, but the idea of him [is]: why can’t Obi-Wan just be more clever? He basically draws them in and then traps them. "It says something about who the Jedi are, they don’t just waste life arbitrarily. And someone could have gone, 'Oh, yeah, but it would have been badass if he’d just ran in there with his lightsaber spinning and stabbed them all in the head!’ And 'Yeah, you’re right, I guess he could be that, but he’s trying to teach his clones a lesson right then, about the sanctity of life.’ "That is the underlying theme of that entire episode. Which is: A tactical droid is using the people as living shields. Life means nothing to the Separatists. The droids. But life is everything to the Jedi. And even though he doesn’t have to say that, it’s all through the episode thematically.“ It’s also Obi-Wan who teaches Anakin about kindness to mindless creatures in the Obi-Wan & Anakin comic:

"These beasts are nearly mindless, Anakin. I can feel it. They are merely following their nature, they should not die simply because they crossed our path. Use the Force to send them on their way.” Now, fair enough if you want to say Obi-Wan was taught by Qui-Gon, but also Qui-Gon is dead by that point and Obi-Wan growing into being more mature is his own accomplishment, not Qui-Gon’s, especially given that we see Qui-Gon himself being pretty dismissive to Jar Jar in TPM. This isn’t unique thing either, Padme is incredibly condescending to Jar Jar in “Bombad Jedi” and expresses clear annoyance with him to C-3PO when sighing over him. Jar Jar is a character you kind of have to warm up to, pretty much the only one we’ve seen consistently being favorable to him is Yoda (and maybe Anakin, though, Anakin doesn’t really interact with him a ton) and Mace Windu warms up to him considerably in “The Disappeared” and even specifically is shown to be teaching him and helping him, which is a huge theme of the Jedi and how much they care.

So, ultimately, the point I’m winding my way towards is--the other Jedi do show kindness and consideration to Jar Jar Binks, including characters like Mace Windu, so if you’re judging the Jedi based on that, the conclusion of Qui-Gon somehow being more compassionate and loving is really pretty thoroughly disproved by The Phantom Menace and The Clone Wars themselves. So, he’s a brother to Anakin eventually but he’s not a father figure. That’s a failing for Anakin. He doesn’t have the family that he needs. He loses his mother in the next film. He fails on this promise that he made, “mother, I’m going to come back and save you”. So he’s left completely vulnerable and Star Wars is ultimately about family. You could be charitable and say this is just from Anakin’s point of view that it’s a “failing”, but within the context of what Dave’s saying, it’s clearly meant as a more narratively approved take, not just Anakin’s point of view, and I really, really dislike the idea that Anakin--or anyone, really--needs a traditional nuclear family, ie a “mom” and/or a “dad”, or else it’s a “failing” for them. Setting aside that the idea that Qui-Gon would need to be Anakin’s dad to be kind to hi (which is ?????) is contradicted by The Clone Wars as well. Yes, Qui-Gon is warm with Anakin in several scenes, which is what Dave is presumably drawing on to show that Qui-Gon believed the Jedi should be caring and loving, but you know who else is warm to younglings? OTHER JEDI COUNCIL MEMBERS.

Those two scenes have the exact same kind of warmth to them. Ie, THE JEDI ALL BELIEVED IN BEING LOVING AND KIND, NOT JUST QUI-GON. The things evidenced to show Qui-Gon was loving and kind are evidenced just as much in other Council members, in Dave’s own show. As a bonus--have Mace Windu, known Jedi Council member, being super kind and loving towards a young Twi’lek girl he just met in a canon comic:

But I know that this is about the way the Council treated Anakin in The Phantom Menace testing scene, but here’s the thing--when I go back and I watch that scene and the Jedi aren’t ever mean to him, they’re neutral in an official testing situation, where they are trying to determine if he’s able to adapt to the Jedi ways. They never once say he’s bad for holding onto his fear, only that he does--which Anakin digs his heels in and gets angry about, he can’t really even admit that he’s afraid and that’s a huge deal for the Jedi. I’ve made a longer post about it here (and here), but the basic gist is: - That scene has Yoda giving the famous “Fear leads to the dark side” speech which is almost word for word how George Lucas describes how the Force works, showing the Jedi are narratively correct - “Confronting fear is the destiny of a Jedi” may be from the sequels, but it is thoroughly supported by the movies and TCW and Rebels and even supplementary canon material, including that the Jedi literally design their tests around both Masters and Padawans for it (Ilum, the Jedi Temple on Lothal, etc. - Anakin cannot admit to his fears in that TPM scene - We have examples of Jedi younglings do admit to their fears and the point isn’t not to have them, but to face them--the younglings in “The Gathering” are the most blatant example of this, but it’s also pretty much the entire theme of Jedi: Fallen Order, especially when Cal goes to Ilum to face his fears and get another kyber crystal. The point isn’t that Anakin--who has very good reasons to be afraid! nothing in the story or the Jedi have said he didn’t!--is wrong or bad, but that he’s not a great fit for the Jedi life because he is “unwilling to accept [Jedi philosophy] emotionally”. And they’re right about this, because this is how George Lucas describes Anakin in commentary: “The fact that everything must change and that things come and go through his life and that he can’t hold onto things, which is a basic Jedi philosophy that he isn’t willing to accept emotionally and the reason that is because he was raised by his mother rather than the Jedi. If he’d have been taken in his first year and started to study to be a Jedi, he wouldn’t have this particular connection as strong as it is and he’d have been trained to love people but not to become attached to them.” --George Lucas, Attack of the Clones commentary And so this brings us to A T T A C H M E N T, which, yeah, we’ve been having this discussion forever, but I’m going to state it again: Within Star Wars, ATTACHMENT IS NARRATIVELY A BAD THING. It is consistently tied to possessive, obsessive relationships, to greed and an unwillingness to let things go when it’s time (letting go is a huge theme in Star Wars) and equating love with attachment is fundamentally wrong according to George Lucas’ Star Wars worldbuilding: “The Jedi are trained to let go. They’re trained from birth,” he continues, “They’re not supposed to form attachments. They can love people-- in fact, they should love everybody. They should love their enemies; they should love the Sith. But they can’t form attachments. So what all these movies are about is: greed. Greed is a source of pain and suffering for everybody. And the ultimate state of greed is the desire to cheat death.” --George Lucas, The Making of Revenge of the Sith If attachment and love were the same thing, then he would be saying, “They should love their enemies, they should love the Sith. But they can’t love.” The way George makes the distinction shows that, no, attachment and love aren’t the same thing at all, attachment is not caring. Further, there’s another instance of him showing there’s an important distinction between relationships and attachment and the association of attachmets with possession: "Jedi Knights aren’t celibate - the thing that is forbidden is attachments - and possessive relationships.” --George Lucas, BBC News interview So, yes, when Anakin is attached to people, it is directly tied to obsession, possession, and greed, all things of the dark side: “He turns into Darth Vader because he gets attached to things. He can’t let go of his mother; he can’t let go of his girlfriend. He can’t let go of things. It makes you greedy. And when you’re greedy, you are on the path to the dark side, because you fear you’re going to lose things, that you’re not going to have the power you need.” --George Lucas, Time Magazine “But he has become attached to his mother and he will become attached to Padme and these things are, for a Jedi, who needs to have a clear mind and not be influenced by threats to their attachments, a dangerous situation. And it feeds into fear of losing things, which feeds into greed, wanting to keep things, wanting to keep his possessions and things that he should be letting go of. His fear of losing her turns to anger at losing her, which ultimately turns to revenge in wiping out the village. The scene with the Tusken Raiders is the first scene that ultimately takes him on the road to the dark side. I mean he’s been prepping for this, but that’s the one where he’s sort of doing something that is completely inappropriate.“ --George Lucas, Attack of the Clones commentary ATTACHMENT IS BAD IN STAR WARS AS THEY DEFINE IT. Finally, I’m going to circle back to: Because Qui-Gon is different than the rest of the Jedi and you get that in the movie; and Qui-Gon is fighting because he knows he’s the father that Anakin needs. Because Qui-Gon hasn’t given up on the fact that the Jedi are supposed to actually care and love and that’s not a bad thing. Here’s the thing about this: You know who else, by this logic, Qui-Gon should have been a father to? OBI-WAN KENOBI. This isn’t said as “Anakin specifically needs a father” (which I think would be an interesting idea to bandy about and I’m not disagreeing, though, it’s complicated because of what Anakin refuses to accept emotionally), it’s said in a bigger context, that Qui-Gon is better than the other Jedi because he understands the need for fathers (and thus this ties into Return of the Jedi) and he’s ahead of the other Jedi, who apparently think loving and caring about people are bad things, but Qui-Gon does not treat Obi-Wan like his son. Or, if he does, he’s not exactly a stellar dad about it. Within Master & Apprentice, there’s an incredibly consistent theme of how Qui-Gon thinks supportive things about Obi-Wan, but never says them aloud. He thinks he should talk to Obi-Wan about the upcoming decision to be on the Council and then never does. He could have explained why he kept Obi-Wan training the basics but he never does. There are multiple instances showing that Qui-Gon is actually really, really bad at actually handling a young apprentice who needs him to talk to them about important things. Qui-Gon continues this in From a Certain Point of View where he still never talked to Obi-Wan about everything that happened, even after he became a Force Ghost. Damn, damn, damn. Qui-Gon closed his eyes for one moment. It blocked nothing; the wave of shock that went through Obi-Wan was so great it could be felt through the Force. Qui-Gon hadn’t thought Kirames Kaj would mention the Jedi Council invitation. It seemed possible the soon-retiring chancellor of the Republic might not even have taken much note of information about a new Council member. --Master & Apprentice That comment finally pierced Qui-Gon’s damnable calm. There was an edge to his voice as he said, “I suspected you would be too upset to discuss this rationally. Apparently I was correct.” “I thought you said my reaction was understandable,” Obi-Wan shot back. “So why does it disqualify me from hearing the truth?” Qui-Gon put his hands on his broad belt, the way he did when he was beginning to withdraw into himself. “…we should discuss this at another time. Neither of us is his best self at the present.” --Master & Apprentice Obi-Wan walked toward the door, obviously outdone. “At the beginning of my apprenticeship, I couldn’t understand you,” he said. “Unfortunately, that’s just as true here at the end.” Only yesterday they had worked together as never before. How did Qui-Gon manage to get closer to Obi-Wan at the same time he was moving further away? Just before Obi-Wan would leave the room, Qui-Gon said, “Once, you asked me about the basic lightsaber cadences. Why I’d kept you there, instead of training you in more advanced forms of combat.” Obi-Wan turned reluctantly to face him again. “I suppose you thought I wasn’t ready for more. The same way I’m not ready to believe in all this mystical—” “That’s not why.” After a long pause, Obi-Wan calmed to the point where he would listen. “Then why, Qui-Gon?” “Because many Padawans—and full Jedi Knights, for that matter—forget that the most basic technique is the most important technique. The purest. The most likely to protect you in battle, and the foundation of all knowledge that is to come,” Qui-Gon said. “Most apprentices want to rush ahead to styles of fighting that are flashier or more esoteric. Most Masters let them, because we must all find our preferred form eventually. But I wanted you to be grounded in your technique. I wanted you to understand the basic cadences so well that they would become instinct, so that you would be almost untouchable. Above all, I wanted to give you the training you needed to accomplish anything you set your mind to later on.” Obi-Wan remained quiet for so long that Qui-Gon wondered if he were too angry to really hear any of what he’d said. But finally, his Padawan nodded. “Thank you, Qui-Gon. I appreciate that. But—” “But what?” “You could’ve said so,” Obi-Wan replied, and then he left. --Master & Apprentice "I owe you that. After all, I’m the one who failed you.“ "Failed me?” They have never spoken of this, not once in all Qui-Gon’s journeys into the mortal realm to commune with him. This is primarily because Qui-Gon thought his mistakes so wretched, so obvious, that Obi-Wan had wanted to spare him any discussion of it. Yet here, too, he has failed to do his Padawan justice. --From a Certain Point of View, “Master and Apprentice” (Further, in Master & Apprentice, Qui-Gon thinks that the Jedi give Rael Averross--who is HUGELY paralleled to Anakin--too many exceptions, were too soft on him because he came to the Jedi later than most and has trouble thinking of them as his family, and he thinks they should have been stricter with him.) It’s also readily apparent within The Phantom Menace itself:

You can take some charitable views of this scene, that Qui-Gon was pushed into a corner where he had few other options (and this is the view I generally take even!), but this is after the entire movie where he’s never once indicated that Obi-Wan was ready, has instead indicated that he still has much to learn (not just of the Living Force, but in general), as well as made it clear that he’s still teaching Obi-Wan, like on the Trade Federation ship. And I do think Obi-Wan got over this because he understood, because Obi-Wan actually is a very selfless person, he clearly cares (which is furthered by how we see him warm up to Anakin very quickly), but look at their faces. This was not a good moment, and they do somewhat make up, where Qui-Gon says that Obi-Wan has been a good apprentice, that he’s wiser than Qui-Gon and he’ll be a great Jedi--but if we’re counting that as Qui-Gon being this great Jedi, then you can’t say Obi-Wan failed Anakin, given that we show him doing the exact same thing, except better. He tells Anakin, “You are strong and wise and will become a far greater Jedi than I could ever hope to be.”, echoing Qui-Gon’s words, but also he never threw Anakin aside for someone else. This is kind of a major undercurrent throughout The Clone Wars, where Obi-Wan never takes another apprentice, where he continues to teach Anakin, to support him, even to the point of occasionally co-Mastering Ahsoka with him. “This has been quite a journey for our Padawan.” Qui-Gon’s treatment of Obi-Wan in this scene isn’t the worst, he’s kind about it later (though, he never actually specifically apologizes for this), but we can see that this is a moment where Qui-Gon hurts Obi-Wan and knows it. And you know what George Lucas has to say about Qui-Gon? This: “So here we’re having Qui-Gon wanting to skip the early training and jump right to taking him on as his Padawan learner, which is controversial, and ultimately, the source of much of the problems that develop later on.” –George Lucas, The Phantom Menace commentary There’s nothing about Qui-Gon being right or better than the other Jedi, but instead that Qui-Gon’s actions here are a source of much of the problems that develop later on. So, ultimately, I liked some points Dave made in that speech, it’s a beautiful and eloquent one, but I thoroughly disagree with his interpretation of George’s intentions for Qui-Gon and I thoroughly disagree that that’s what the movies, The Clone Wars (DAVE’S OWN SHOW), and the supplementary canon show about Qui-Gon and the other Jedi. I still stand by my appreciation of Dave’s contributions to SW as a whole, I think he does a really good job at making Star Wars, but he doesn’t always get everything right and this is one thing where I think the canon and George’s commentary show otherwise, as much as I love his desire to defend the prequels’ importance in the story. Because, my friend, I have felt that every single day of my SW life.

#anakin skywalker #qui gon jinn #jedi order #george lucas #dave filoni #meta #long post #really long post

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scentedmoviesaestheticempath · 4 years

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Compiled cbw’s Kuraneo thoughts + theories

Warning : Don’t read if you’re a Kuraneo antis. For fellow Kuraneo fans, just because I write it doesn't mean you have to agree. There are multiple but no wrong ways to interpret the ship and my opinion below strictly follows the canon storyline. We don't need any reason to ship anything but considering their rocky start, it's fun to analyze what happen.

Disclaimer : HxH belongs to Yoshihiro Togashi.

Is it really a senseless ship?

Most complaints regarding Kuraneo is how problematic the ship is and the impossibility for Kuraneo to happen. The main problems are : Neon is a body collector, therefore it is impossible for Kurapika to be with her. Especially when she specifically collects scarlet eyes. Neon is also a shallow childish brat, while Kurapika is portrayed as a mature, cool-headed protagonist. But is it really?

Implications to be Canon

In January 2020 I spared my time to catch up with HxH. It really surprised me after I read the manga carefully, Kurapika was given the title of 'young boss/underboss' in Nostrade family. Whoever has seen the Godfather and read Cosa Nostra Wikipedia page would know that the title is usually given to a son. He could've been given the title 'consigliere'', but he didn't. There has been several changes in translation but he still is the Nostrade family leader(The Japanese version is Waka-Gashira(Young Boss), under Oyabun(Boss), while consigliere is Saiko-Komon). That gave me an assumption : "What if he is a Nostrade now?" I am not surprised since a man marries into a girl's family is kind of traditional norm in Japan (Reference : mukoyōshi (婿養子).

“ A mukoyōshi (婿養子) (literally "adopted son-in-law") is an adult man who is adopted into a Japanese family as a daughter's husband, and who takes the family's surname.

Generally in Japan, a woman takes her husband's name and is adopted into his family. When a family, especially one with a well established business, has no male heir but has an unwed daughter of a suitable age, she will marry the mukoyōshi, a man chosen especially for his ability to run the family business.[1] If there is no daughter, the candidate can take a bride from outside his adopted family (fūfu-yōshi: 夫婦養子). This is done to preserve the business and name of the family when there is no suitable male heir, since traditionally businesses are inherited by the oldest male heir. Mukoyōshi is also practiced if there is no capable male heir to run the family business.[1] This is a centuries-old tradition and is still widely practiced today. Many Japanese companies with household names such as Nintendo, Kikkoman, and Toyota have adopted this practice.[1] This adult adoption may take place in marriages where the woman's family is of a higher socio-economic rank than the man's family, where the woman has no brothers to be the heir to the family name, when the man has been disowned by his own family, or when the man's natural family comes from a notorious or shameful background and he thus prefers to hide his identity. “

(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mukoy%C5%8Dshi) (picture source : Kurapika x Neon Facebook page)

Kurapika and Neon are also paired in the Mobage which implies that the creator himself has approved the ship. There is a reason why Meruem and Bisky is not paired together.

Looking at Kurapika as a character

Now let’s look at Kurapika’s character. His character goal is to avenge his clan and collect all his brother and sister’s eyes. He’s shown to have strong prejudice against flesh collector and even decided to work for Nostrade family based on that reason. He went as far as planning to arrest them before meeting Neon. And even after meeting Neon, he convinced himself once again that in order to pursue his goal, he is willing to kill her (”If I have to kill her, so be it”, as rephrased my Melody). Yet he is also shown to be pleased when he is pointed as the head bodyguard, stating that “I didn’t think... It would work out so quickly” .He seems to have completely changed his plan. Because what is better than arresting/killing Neon? That would be having access to Nostrade’s family resources by being Light’s trusted person. And after Neon lost her power, Light Nostrade is shown to be losing his mind, being unable to function normally as a leader. Begging Kurapika to turn “Neon back to normal”. Kurapika does the job instead for Light, saying that “Don’t worry. I’ll handle everything.” At this point, he is the suitable guy to run the family. Considering his Waka-Gashira title, it is safe to assume he got the title by marrying her through son-in-law adoption. Looking at Neon as a character I am a big fan of aspoonofsugar’s character meta posts and the post about Neon’s Nen and Character insight brings a new perspective on how I see Neon.

https://aspoonofsugar.tumblr.com/post/176668230707/nen-and-characters-neon-nostrade Neon prefers not to be involved with people. She is clingy to her material possessions but not to people, as implied in her reaction to Dalzollene's death. While all her bodyguards and haters assume that she’s a heartless unempathetic character. The actual reason is related to her belief. For Neon, the present is the only thing that matter. She shows her empathetic side when Chrollo cried and Eliza broke down hearing Squalla’s death. She cares about the livings and her noble altruistic power reflects her character.

Regarding the son-in-law theory, I would say that she simply does not have a say in this matter when her family is crashing down. We are never shown Neon’s perspective on Kurapika whether she likes him or not. I personally never ever once see a canon scene where Neon is implied to have crush on Kurapika. She had fluttering heart moment for Chrollo instead and I guess that's because Chrollo is one of the people whom has shown genuine emotions in front of her, just like Eliza over Squalla. Her appreciation to genuine feelings and honesty is probably caused by Light’s many lies in order to use her power.

We're told the story from Kurapika's point of view, therefore it's very easy to antagonize Neon like majority of her haters. But given Neon's appreciation to honesty and authenticity, who is at fault here? Kurapika just appears in her life, planning to use her and her family for his ends. He is just another Chrollo and Light Nostrade. (IRONICALLY This is why I ship their very unique relationship. But they do need each other for provision and protection, so props for Kurapika lmao)

So if the son-in-law theory is true, is it possible for them have feelings for each other?

Of course it wasn't long before we got twists here and there. Neon's power disappearance from Chrollo's book, Kurapika referring himself not having the place to go home anymore. He seems to have so much authority to access Nostrade family resources without having a friendly term with them. Assuming they don’t have a normal loving relationship at the first sight makes sense. I don't think anyone marrying into Nostrade family will ever get their emotional needs fulfilled. Nostrade is never the traditional happy family. Neon is emotionally detached and Light only cares about power. They are the opposite of Zoldyck whom are sick in their own way. They only care about themselves and Kurapika is also one. He missed Gon's recovery and does not seem to value his own life. In other words. Doesn’t that mean Kurapika is only using her, then?

No. At this point, it means they need each other and it’s either they do like each other or simply have mutual physical attraction regardless how they feel.

(It is unfair to say Kurapika takes advantage of Nostrade family when Nostrade family themselves need Kurapika, or else, they will not function. Needing each other is not equal to taking advantage of each other, it is the basic of household.

As for the last part, I have seen many cases where even people who constantly says "beauty doesn’t matter” and proving their point by considering their spouses unattractive are STILL ATTRACTED PHYSICALLY to their spouse. Please feel free to disagree)

When we say that we like or love someone, we are experiencing interpersonal attraction—the strength of our liking or loving for another person.

Although it may seem inappropriate or shallow to admit it, and although it is certainly not the only determinant of liking, people are strongly influenced, at least in initial encounters, by the physical attractiveness of their partners (Swami & Furnham, 2008). Elaine Walster and her colleagues (Walster, Aronson, Abrahams, & Rottman, 1966) arranged a field study in which college boys and girls were randomly paired with one another at a “computer dance.” After the partners had danced and talked for a couple of hours, they were interviewed separately about their own preferences and characteristics as well as about their perceptions of their date. Walster and her colleagues found that the only important determinant of participants’ liking for their date was his or her physical attractiveness. None of the other characteristics—even the perceived intelligence of the partner—mattered.

https://opentextbc.ca/socialpsychology/chapter/initial-attraction/

When feelings are discussed : From my intrepretation, I always think people got it backwards about Kurapika and Neon. Kurapika has an icy facade, but he is the type of person who grow on people, while Neon is not. Even when he distanced himself from the other bodyguards at their first meeting, he is the one who cares the most about his "comrades"/teammates, he punched Uvo for killing his teammates. Neon, on the other hand, doesn't even flinch when she heard that Dalzolenne is dead although he's been the one who took care of her. She even made one of her servant as wall decoration. But there is a possibility she also grows on people AS LONG AS they’re still alive, that’s why she cared about Eliza. The problem is, once they’re dead, they become another story in the irrelevant past. That does not make her a bad person in grey HxH universe, but someone with different values due to her belief and upbringing. Kurapika demonstrates his understanding of her when describing her to Basho. In fact, he is the most understanding person that treats her nicely and does not harm her even though he had the intention to. Kurapika didn't think Neon losing her ability as the family downfall or disability, unlike her own father. As much as assuring everything will be okay when Light broke down in GI Arc. This is a huge revolution in her life because since Kurapika stepped in, someone is finally using her without the need of her ability.

Neon’s loss of ability actually sounds like a parallel to Pairo when people around them refer them as "not normal" for having less functional leg and no ghostwriter ability. They were also both supposed to be under his care/companion when the accident happened. This leaves a huge question mark for me of how Kurapika interprets her at this point. Is he only using her or he feels responsible? or both?

This leaves us some possibilities if their relationship was merely based on physical attraction & mutual benefit or if it is indeed more.

The first possibility means he likes her enough to marry/sleep with her but still barred from prejudice to consider her as his friend. (Even this is debatable, Kurapika simply could be a private person and given that his clan was living in hidden presence, it's only normal if he want to hide Neon's presence too. Also "Traditionally, part of the Mafia code is to keep the wives and mothers out of the loop of confidences for their own safety" is an actual study from The Independent,UK.)

And Neon also likes him enough to marry/sleep with him but not enough to get involved in his life. (Or is she? Sometimes I have to remind myself HxH can't be seen through normal perspective because no hunter is fit for normal family life. So maybe Neon's dismissive attitude makes her the perfect one for him)

The second possibility means they are in loving relationship off-screen. I'd say this is a very high probability because based on personality analysis above, both characters are capable of growing on each other. Another note : Neon's design is strongly based on Princess Luna from Level E, where she is a love interest to Prince Baka. The story take it lightly despite being "king x revolutionary" couple. And while for us, it feels like a long time. For the in-universe characters, black whale is only like a month of work CMIIW.

But either way, I’d say they do harbor some sort of affection in canon. We have a negative perception on arranged marriage, assuming the affection is not valid because it is a form of Stockholm syndrome. I will quote my argument straight from Quora where the responder had successfully arranged more than 40 marriages.

“Not every western theory is a reality. I think those who do not know the basics of arranged marriage speak at will and trying to create a fear syndrome against a successful system...”

“...Those who shun arranged marriages can live as they wish. Law does not prevent them to be at liberty. They have no business to criticize a system which is far better than other ways of creating male female relationships. Stockholm syndrome belongs to Stockholm... They are civilized enough to live in a system where there is nothing to lose. Stockholm syndrome is an illusion.One should not insult a culture without knowing an iota of that system. “ https://www.quora.com/I-feel-that-the-affection-after-an-arranged-marriage-is-basically-a-form-of-Stockholm-syndrome-What-is-your-opinion-on-this

Or maybe, there is nothing between them yet and these implications are just a foreshadow to what’s planned for them

What if she’s dead?

Some people would say Kurapika killed her but that is totally impossible and out of character. Her death is only assumed by the Phantom Troupe because her power dissapear from the book. Nen is extremely flexible concept even in-universe and there are many ways to work around that. Also in contradictive, Kurapika managed to take 9 pairs of eyes from 'the mafia's daughter' without killing anyone. I doubt he would do nothing after Chrollo stole her ability. I assume it would be insulting to Kurapika if people say he let Neon to just die considering he takes his job seriously and inheriting Nostrade name.

And frankly, I don’t care if she’s dead. Kakin war arc & Dark continent arc will also take approximately 20-40 years to finish. Whether she’s dead or not I’m going to enjoy my time with my interpretations based on canon implications given. And if she is indeed proven to be dead, I’ll accept it and just have fun in the fandom. I respect Togashi as the author.

Why don't the Nostrade just adopt Kurapika without the marriage?

I dunno, better ask mafias and Japanese. Because based on this theory, they clearly like to keep it in the family, I'm just reading my references.

cbw’s Final words

This theory is inspired from baby foreshadowing theory in reddit (page: HxH craziest theory), which inspired me to write my fic. Which, inspired me again to write this son-in-law theory.

I am combining implications from “Cosa Nostra”, “Waka-gashira”(The similar organization structure), “Godfather”(How Kurapika gain Light’s trust), “Son-in-law adoption”(Underboss in Sicily organization structure), Neon&Kurapika paired cards in Mobage, and Princess Luna from Level E as spouse from opposing faction(The base for Neon’s character)

Whilst the western sources about obtaining the title in mafia marriage is abundant, the sources regarding obtaining the title in yakuza marriage are Until Death Do Us Part and & GTA:Liberty City

Toshiko Kasen: My husband is samurai, Mr. Toni. He is very strong... but very, very bad. He only married me to become waka-gashira in Liberty City.

https://www.grandtheftwiki.com/index.php?title=A_Date_With_Death&mobileaction=toggle_view_desktop

(Page 161 Until Death Do Us Part)

Honestly after my last note, I gave it another thought and I couldn't possibly see another explanation of why he could be a Nostrade family boss. If anyone asks me, I refuse to ignore the implications Togashi gave and say they're canon 100%.

Given Kuraneo’s complex relationship and their neutral interaction, its brilliance lies in how flexible people can be in interpreting them. I enjoy many different kind of interpretations. My favorite thing about Kuraneo is although we never get any implication that Neon ever noticed Kurapika, many fics describe it as the other way round because from Neon’s POV it would be liking someone that embody her fetish. I especially love this headcanon, love it when people portray Neon as deviant.That escalate from 0 to 100 real quick. Being a part of Nostrade also means Kurapika gets to accept his past as something that shapes him to be the man he is today. But honestly, I just love hateships and their big chances of hating while loving each other.

I would say that whatever off-screen and how readers interpret their relationsip and feelings is up for us to decide until HxH truly reach the ending. And that’s only if Togashi is willing to disclose their relationship. I would be happy if they become canon, but if not then I’ll still ship them just like how I will still ship Pitou x Kai and Chrollo x Kurapika. Naoko Takeuchi, Togashi’s wife said once in her interview that she likes seeing different interpretations of Sailor Moon from her fans. I’m a Sailor Moon fan too and I wish to respect her view by applying the same to her husband’s works.

Thanks for reading!

#kuraneo

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komcrebi-moved · 3 years

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HELLO I -- wow okay I sure did pop in and promptly die for awhile-- apologies for that. my health has not been great so I’ve been absolutely BEYOND exhausted mentally and physically but anyway!! ignoring all that and the main reason I’m here-- I’m gonna drop 3 new muses on to this blog and there’s nothing you can do to stop me

anyway, these three here. do i have names for them yet? no. will find them as soon as i am able? yes. but tldr: new muses tba.... just as soon as i find names and the energy

first off is this man!

- probably 16 / cis male / name tba - quirk: invincibility. - meaning that literally nothing can hurt him (well. except fire [to some extent. but it can be withstood if necessary] as well as electricity [this is... no, this is definitely a weakness of his. if he’s zapped, he’s done for.) - his skin is impenetrable and his bones are unbreakable. Extremely likely that he’s capable of withstanding a strike from a OFA user and remain unharmed. His surroundings, however, will certainly not be as he gets knocked into oblivion. he can feel pain, but does have an incredible tolerance for it as he can’t really be physically harmed too badly by most things? - the harder the hit, or the sharper the object that comes into contact with his body/skin, the more “invincible” his body seems to become. his quirk is in constant use with no way to turn it off (except with like... quirk nullifying quirks or weapons). - doctor visits are interesting to say the least. needles must be taken through soft tissue (like under the eye/lid, inner lip, mouth, etc... very unpleasant.) - He’s basically a walking talking wrecking ball, and just as chaotically reckless as one when he goes all out when fighting or doing hero work. - He has protagonist’s best friend syndrome. - a very kind boy. very genuine and generous. can be confused easily and isn’t the strongest (his quirk doesn’t enhance power), but makes up for lack of strength with his quirk, sheer determination and creativity.

_________

- probably 15 or 16? / cis female / name tba - quirk: Swarm / or, Hivemind (?) - meaning.. she has a swarm of flying insects inside of her body that she can unleash and control. (She says its less that she’s controlling them, and more that they’re all working together, but they are generally seen as an extension of herself.) - The insects are usually always dormant until she activates her quirk and ‘wakes them up’. They crawl out of tiny holes along her body, but can also come out of her nose, ears, mouth, and eyes (with..some discomfort). The insects can be used to attack, defend, or even be used to form another “limb” of sorts. The insects are durable, strong, and agile, and can eat through just about anything if commanded. - she’s kind of... a walking horror to some, instilling disgust and terror in anyone who has either two specific fears. She mixes trypophobia ( an aversion or fear of clusters of small holes, bumps, or patterns) and entomophobia (fear of insects). I was originally going to have her have an eyepatch or hair over her eye, so underneath what you would see is not an eye, but a cluster of holes that the insects can crawl from (for the ick factor).... but decided that she would instead only have a ‘hive-like’ pattern of this just under her clothes. probably twisting down from her shoulder, twisting down to her ribs, with specklings of these entry/exits on her arms and/or legs somewhere. probably forms some sort of neat swirling design. - she’s a small, cute girl with a disgusting/horrifying quirk; it usually surprises people, and she used to be bullied quite a lot because of it. she’s the kind, nurturing type personality, but will openly and casually threaten to beat people up if they hurt those she cares about. - she makes friends easily and has lots! she tries not to let rude people hurt her feelings simply by avoiding them. she’s non-confrontational, generally... but sometimes, she can be a little mean. a.... typical teenage girl.

_________

25 / NB (she/they) / Eirlys Williamson - quirk: Air Pressure - she specializes in AIR pressure (air related quirks run in the family-- see *Andi Williamson), but can, with some effort and concentration, control other kinds of pressure (atmospheric, barometric, etc... or whatever, idk! I’m not super well educated on that stuff lmao.... not........yet.) Anyway, she can control the air pressure outside and inside of objects ( the more dense the object, the more difficult it is of course). Scary enough, she can even control the air pressure outside and INSIDE a person’s body. Paired with Andi, they could have made one dangerous as hell team. Her quirk is regarded as considerably dangerous (as the lasting effects -- if purposely or accidentally used on another person-- can be permanent, or even easily fatal. She sometimes has to use quirk suppressants at night, or during hospital stays where she’s been hurt badly or is otherwise not in complete control of her quirk.) - she’s Andi Williamson’s younger sister! they haven’t seen one another for a very, very long time as Eirlys left when they were both quite young. She’s lucky she survived on her own, or didn’t turn to crime. She turned into an underground hero, actually! Much to Andi’s surprise and delight. Their parents, briefly put, were abusive. She ran away and was never found, leaving Andi and her parents to wonder for years if she was dead or alive. She secretly reached out to Andi once, just to let him know she was okay, but he hadn’t heard from her since then. It was going on twelve years when Andi received an urgent phone call at work (UA!) on day from a hospital all the way in America. It was his sister. Somehow, she’d gotten ahold of his personal number and put him as her emergency contact in case anything were to ever happen. She had no one else. So Andi took a few days off and got her flown down to Japan so he could keep an eye on her until she awoke from her injury induced coma (a villain, as with Andi, almost killed her). She does wake up eventually, and decides to stay in japan with andi for some time before deciding to stay permanently. - she’s actually pretty goofy like andi, but hardened by a difficult life on her own. she’s emotionally detached at times, is often angry, and can be rather cold at times... but she has andi’s heart, and is very caring and kind once she warms up to someone. - she has a vengeful heart, much like Andi. Which is precisely how she ended up nearly dead in the hospital.... you can tell they’re siblings.

#( ooc )#( tbd )#( new muses // )#if you read all that... you the real mvp.#3 new muses !! probably will be used as guest muses until I'm able to properly get their bios and shit set up but !#that will be when i have the energy to ;w; slowly but surely ive been chipping away at eirlys' bio jffk #just as soon as i dig up names for these top two little shits ill be ready to go with them lol #i hate .........choosing names so much..... i know how to. and i like choosing good names but i /hate/ how picky i am with them hgfujig #mr invincible up there looks like a Kai im ngl hgjjfjg that wont be his name but. side eyes him a little #anyway!!! ask questions about them if you want to!! esp if you wanna interact with them !! :'0 #but dear god for my energy's sake let them be specific questions JFJFJD otherwise i can and WILL go off on huge rambling sprees and we know #it **#but yeah ! hey hello hi im alive (more or less)

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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1033

survey by tickticktmr

What's the best food to have at a sleepover? I’d have a blast at a sleepover if my friends and I were to get a square-cut cheese pizza with a box of wings. Cheesy nachos with beef would be great too.

How did you meet the last person you shared a bed with? We were introduced by our respective friends.

Do you like the yellow cheetos better or the orange ones? I don’t like Cheetos, period. Cheese puffs never did grow on me.

Where did you buy the shoes you wore today? My mom got it for me two Christmases ago.

Do you have any half siblings? Nope. But this year I found out I have a half-cousin (and possibly half-cousins) from a trash uncle who apparently fooled around behind my aunt’s back, but I have no desire to associate with her or that entire family altogether.

How many DVD players are in the house? We still have two lying around but we haven’t used either in 6–7 years.

Do you like the last song you heard on the radio? I cried, because I needed to hear the lyrics that were being sung.

Do you know anyone who has been on TV? Sure, mostly some of my friends’ parents.

When going shopping for junk food, what's the first thing you pick up? My eyes usually dart to the Pringles before anything else. And if there’s also any salted egg chips that looks appealing enough for me to pick up.

How would you react if you found out you had a long lost sister? I think my literal first reaction would be to be pissed at my parents for hiding such a secret from me for a long time. It would depend on how they explain the situation if I end up wanting to meet her or if I can do without.

At sleepovers, do you usually stay up all night or actually go to sleep? Hahaha I’m the grandma that passes out. I’ve never successfully stayed up at a sleepover and for some reason I’m always the first one to start getting sleepy. I guess all my friends’ bedrooms are really that comfy.

Is there anything in the room you're in that's really dusty? [continued from last night] For sure. There are some things in my room I barely use or move around so it definitely wouldn’t be a surprised if they’ve since gathered up a fine layer of dust.

Do you know anybody with different colored eyes? Yeah, someone from my high school has this condition.

Are any of your relatives vets? [continued AGAIN from the night before last, lmao send help] As far as I know, no. We’re not really the type of family that produces doctors, and I believe we lean more towards law.

Who cleans the most in your house? Oh my mom, for sure. She wants all chores done a certain way, and she’s always genuinely happy to do everything herself.

Do you own any shirts that cost over $100? No. I think my most expensive shirts are my wrestling ones, which never went above P3000, I think.

What about any shoes? Do you think that's a lot of money for clothes? Yeah, well shoes are generally more expensive so I’ve definitely spent more on sneakers than I’ve ever had on a shirt. I think a pair of shoes that go for P5000 is fine because for the most part it’s also already a testament to its quality. I draw the line at P5000 shirts, because you’re only paying for the label at that point.

What's the movie theatre in your town called? Ours don’t have names. Most of our cinemas are housed within malls, so whenever we make plans to watch a movie we just mention the mall.

How many minutes do you consider late? Idk man, I prize punctuality a lot. People to me are either early, on the dot, or late.

Is there any jam in the fridge right now? No, we don’t really consume jam. We’re not a very spread-y kind of family, come to think of it. We prefer meatier stuff in our sandwiches.

What did you get your best friend for their last birthday? I learned iMovie throughout my UTI-slash-fever horror experience so I can make a video for Gab that compiled her friends’ greetings in time for her birthday. I wasn’t able to get Angela anything because I was still looking for a job then and didn’t have any source of income; and because Gab broke up with me on that day so I was too distraught to be doing anything.

What about your mom's and dad's last birthdays? My dad was abroad for his last birthday. I didn’t get my mom anything because we don’t have that kind of relationship.

What kinds of food do you dunk into milk? Uhm mostly none, because I never really have milk unless I’m at a hotel or at a friend’s, lol. I’ve dipped chocolate chip cookies into milk several times though, and those didn’t turn out bad at all :) I’m a fan of the mushiness.

Do you have any current or past teachers on your facebook friends? A couple of my high school teachers are still my Facebook friends. I never added nor received requests from my college professors, which I prefer tbh because I’ve always viewed college profs as having a more professional vibe compared to my grade school and high school teachers, who were like parents to me.

Are there any baby pictures of you up? Like, the room I’m currently in? No but my school portrait from Prep is framed and hanging on my wall, which is the closest thing. I was already 7, though.

Do you have any friends who have bleached blonde hair? Nah. I have a lot of friends who’ve dyed their hair over the years, but none bleached all the way through. Gabie did, but just for her tips.

How much sugar do you like in your tea/coffee? Lots. I need every trace of it feeling like black coffee removed, haha.

What color is the cereal in your cupboard? We don’t eat cereals in this family; we’ve always enjoyed a classic Filipino breakfast. Sometimes we’ll get cereals I guess, but we never eat them the traditional way; my mom and sister usually just snack on them straight from the box on non-breakfast hours.

Are you wearing any jewlery that a boyfriend/girlfriend gave you? No.

Has a boyfriend/girlfriend ever given you jewlery? Yes.

Have you ever seen the last person you kissed cry? Many times.

Would you rather work at a gas station or be a maid? I hate chores and touching other people’s stuff, so I’ll go with the gas station. I could meet different people from that job too, which sounds more interesting.

What's the closest store to your house called? Just Things. Basically sells hype merch, including the P5000 streetwear shirts I called out earlier, for all the hype heads in my area.

Do horror movies scare you more when they're 'based on a true story'? The biographical nerd in me obviously gets excited, but I don’t get scared. I get more invested when they include snippets or updates about the real-life counterparts and go beyond the vague ‘based on a true story’ banner.

Do you still talk to the last person who hurt you (emotionally)? Yeah but I really need some sort of coin bank thing for it for every time I do so because idk why I still hang around sometimes.

Is there an outdoor movie theatre where you live? Not where I live. But I do know that because of Covid, some malls outside of my city have started offering drive-in cinemas, which were never a thing here before.

What color was the last food you ate? Golden brown, yellow, black, red, green. It was a truffle and mushroom pizza that I treated my family to because I had gotten my first paycheck this week and I would’ve looked like an absolute ass if I spent it on anything else other than my family. I MEAN I wanted to treat them too, of course, but I won’t deny that there’s an underlying reason for me buying the food as well. Welcome to a firstborn’s life in the Philippines (and in Asia, tbh).

Have you ever seen your mom or dad drunk? My mom has been tipsy, but not drunk. My dad never lets himself get swayed by alcohol. He’ll still get a single bottle of beer, but I’ve never seen his demeanor change.

How expensive is too expensive for a pair of jeans? Anything above P7,000 or P7,500, maybe.

After seeing a movie, do you go to a site to enter a review about it? Nah, I’m not the Letterboxd type of person. I’ll sometimes tweet about a movie, but only if I found it good or intriguing enough.

Have you ever done that? No. I’m not the best movie reviewer, so even though I’m aware of Letterboxd’s or IMDb’s appeal I’ve always been too shy to share my thoughts or ratings just in case someone ends up criticsplaining a movie to me.

Would you consider McDonald's a restaurant? I know what route this question is getting to but I’m too tired to defend my thought process, so suffice it to say I love McDonald’s, lol.

Do your parents vote? LOL my mom only started doing so again when I registered - before 2016, she cast her last vote back in 1992. Of course, her opinions were wrong for both the presidential (2016) and senatorial elections (2019) haha.

My dad does not vote and he stopped giving a shit about Philippine politics when he started working abroad 20 years ago and increasingly spent more time overseas than he does in his home country. Which, honestly, as sad and bad as it sounds, I totally understand. He’s completely detached from the goings-on in our country that to make him vote would be just as useful as letting him purely guess his choices.

Are there any creepy pictures up on the walls of your house? We’ve never gotten such a comment before, so no.

What's the last thing you were excited to eat? The pizzas I bought tonightttttt :> I got truffle and mushroom pizza and quattro formaggi pizzas and they were from Motorino, this fancy (and pricey) place I used to go on dates in that I haven’t visited so long.

It’s hilarious because I didn’t even plan on buying any food today as I’m stingy with money...but in my shift today I was tasked to order food bundles for certain media partners we regularly collaborate with. I kept ordering all these fucking pizzas for people I don’t even know and I got so jealous???? So I ended up buying for myself at the end of the day HAHAHAH

Do you ever hit electronics if they don't work? I smack them against a surface, but I rarely hit them with my own hand.

Who’s the most romantic person you ever went out with? I’ve only gone out with one person and, her toxic traits aside, I highly doubt any future prospect would ever come remotely close to her.

Is there anything hanging from the ceiling in your room? My bedroom light.

How would you react if your best friend was pregnant/got someone pregnant? She’s not planning on having a kid any time soon so I would assume it happened by accident, and I would assume she would be in distress. That said, my instinct would be to be there for her and support her in whatever she does moving forward.

Do you know who Lisa Simpson is? Sure thing, she’s my favorite.

Have you ever had a crush on the last person you spoke to online? No. I’ve never even met her.

Have you ever seen the last person you hugged dressed up fancy? Sure, my grandma dresses up for parties and other formal events.

(If your parents married), Do you know where they got engaged? No. My dad didn’t even pop the question; at some point they just sat each other down, had a long talk, and decided they’d get engaged. Idk where it happened though. Maybe while on a date somewhere?

What color was the last cup you drank out of? Copper.

What was the last picture you printed of? I honestly can’t tell you. I’ve printed a number of documents for various adulting tasks lately, but I don’t know the last time I specifically printed out a photo.

What restaurant has the best fries? I’d have to go with Army Navy. Or if we’re going with fast food, Jollibee.

What does your mailbox look like? We don’t have one. Messengers just insert envelopes through our screen door.

Have you ever gotten something stuck on the roof? We have a rooftop, so that’s never been a problem for us.

Have you ever had a surprise party thrown for you? No. I don’t think I’ve ever been that important for anyone.

Is the room you're in organized? It can do with some fixing, but it’s not terrible.

Would your mom make a good president? She’d be the most organized, neurotic, and punctual president in the history of presidents, but I doubt she’d be of help in conflict resolution or law-making, or any decision-making aspects that go with being president.

The 2nd class you had last time you went to school: ever skipped it? I don’t think I ever skipped that class in the short time I took it before Covid took over.

Do your aunts and uncles have kids? Yeah, nearly everyone does.

Is this survey interesting so far? I liked it.

Do you say fancy or formal? Or something else? Depends on the context. I use both as I think they have different connotations anyway.

Does your English teacher have kids? The last English professor I had doesn’t.

Does your computer make a lot of noise? The fan whirs when the laptop gets too busy. The noise is definitely noticeable considering how quiet my laptop is 98% of the time; but I wouldn’t call it bothersome.

Do you see movies at home or in the theatre more? Home. I watch at the cinema like, a maximum of 5 times a year.

What's your favorite thing to eat during a movie? Potato Corner fries. Non-negotiable.

#survey #surveys

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bittermarrow · 6 years

Text

Slashers with an inexpressive S/O.

a/n: These were supposed to be short headcanons but I got carried away with detail, but here's some unemotional s/o HCs for Jason, Bubba, Michael, and Brahms.

warnings: old writing 💀 emotionally detached reader, implied fem reader, angsty.

. . .

Jason Voorhees

It’s frustrating to say in the least for both of you. While Jason still loves you with every remaining fiber of his being, your unreadable exterior can sometimes make communication even more of a barrier than his lack of speech does.

He wants to know what you’re feeling all the time, and you’re so hard to read.

In all honesty, he is like a loyal puppy that gets excited when he starts learning how to figure you out. You’re a lot like a puzzle, and it takes him a while to put the pieces together.

It’s not that you don’t feel things, you just don’t know how to show it.

Once he draws your emotions out he will most definitely cry if you cry. He is the bestest boy, and will hug you through any possible breakdowns. Bottling everything up comes at a price.

You may develop “a secret for a secret” policy where if you open up about something, Jason must too.

Baby steps, you’re a stubborn code to crack and he wholeheartedly accepts that challenge.

When you’re comfortable enough to start picking up pet names he will melt, he loves being called nice things so any “sweetie”, “honey” or “handsome” put in place of his name will send him over the moon.

Michael Myers

He is probably even worse than you and will not even notice at first.

The path to any sort of relationship with this man will take excruciatingly long unless you make the first steps, he certainly won’t open up before you.

Trust issues on both sides will inevitably shake up the pot of chicken noodle awkward tension soup, so if you can’t learn to trust him he will never ever trust you.

In the beginning, you are simply a provider of a place to crash after long nights of killing, you will not get special treatment or attention until he starts to grow attached to you as a human being and not a housing unit.

Eventually, once you are closer, and a solid bond of trust is formed Michael will stick to you like a piece of gum on the bottom of your shoe. (ew)

Will not leave you alone when he actually wants attention, doesn’t matter what you're doing, you’re going to love him and love him now.

That's when he will start thinking about your indifference to most things, he’s probably never seen you cry or angry but your soft spot is quite clearly him.

At night is when all of the walls crumble, and your masks are nowhere in sight (his literally and yours figuratively).

When you can sleep, you do so wrapped around each other, though don’t be surprised if he’s not there when you wake up.

And when Michael can’t sleep or has nightmares you will talk to him for hours, your voice and the feeling of your arms around him are the only things that calm him anymore.

Don’t even expect the L-word to be used by either party, in any situation until long into your relationship (granted that you get that far)

Give tender loving care to him and it will eventually make it’s way back to you.

Bubba Sawyer

Bound to cause some problems. Bubba feels very deeply, he’s is a very emotional boy. your complete lack of emotion will probably rub him the wrong way at first, he will be cautious of you… but also unbearably curious.

The only other woman he’s really ever had in his life was his mother and she expressed herself (she had quite the temper) very openly, so dealing with you will be like learning how to communicate with an extraterrestrial to him.

But, once he sees you being tender with him once, even if it was as simple as expressing worry for a bruise he will be addicted to seeing more of that part of you.

The poor boy would even bruise himself again if that meant getting your kind, loving attention.

For him, any sign of you caring for him counts.

Once you make it clear that you don’t actually hate him (to his ultimate relief) and just have a hard time with your emotions, he will make it his own personal goal of making you as comfortable as possible around him.

He wants you to like him, and he wants you to be proud of him so when he does something that you like please praise him for it.

The first time you break down or let him in completely he will probably cry- a lot, with you and for you.

If you explain to him that you don’t like crying because you feel weak or pathetic he will babble and shake his head and hug you until he convinces you otherwise.

When you do let yourself cry, it’s usually very much from bottling it all up for so long, and it will most likely be over something minor.

Comforting cuddles all the way~

He always thinks you’re the prettiest when you actually express your emotions, even when you cry, like ugly-sobbing-cry he’ll still think you’re the most beautiful thing to ever live.

Bubba is very sensitive and pessimistic or sarcastic side comments can get under his skin if you don’t tread carefully, he doesn’t get all of your dry humor so he might take some of it to heart.

Snuggle up with him afterward and he’ll perk right up, really it’s that easy to make him happy.

Praise is something that Bubba feeds on, especially yours, so in order to keep your boy feeling loved and happy you’re gonna have to start voicing your approval more often.

Brahms Heelshire

It’s bound to piss him off sooner or later, he demands constant attention and if you’re spending too much time brooding he’s bound to throw a tantrum.

Brahms needs a nurturing and motherly S/O someone who can make him feel safe, loved, and cared for so you’re going to have to come out of that shell sooner (preferably) or later (not too late).

If you’re the type of inexpressive person that can fake smiles, enthusiasm, and compliments than this might be the job for you.

Brahms will need all of the above even if you don’t entirely mean them.

Once you grow more comfortable with Brahms and really start getting into your job of caring for him, it becomes less of an annoying chore and more of genuine concern for his wellbeing.

You can’t know for sure if Brahms will completely understand but if you feel comfortable enough to talk to him about your issues with expressing your feelings it will certainly help, he will be more mindful of pushing you too far.

Brahms is by nature a relatively selfish manchild, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about how you feel, if you aren’t happy then how can he truly be?

Tip: Brahms clings, so get used to him being glued to your side 24/7, cus once he’s got a taste of you and your affection he won’t want to let go.

If you are upset he will eventually notice, it might take an hour or two of him watching you but once he knows he will pester you about it until you come clean, so he can make you smile for him again.

Are you a reserved bookworm-y type? Well, you can say goodbye to that. Brahms is gonna want you to read to him whenever he sees you doing it.

He’ll lay his head in your lap as you irritatedly but defeatedly run your comforting fingers through his dark curls as you softly read to him, since he doesn’t stick around in the walls anymore you don’t have to speak nearly as loud for him to hear.

If you have sleeping issues such as insomnia or nighttime paranoia he will want to stay up with you, but a firm “It’s time for bed, Brahms” will quell any further arguments.

Expect sleepy, grumpy grumbles of distaste as he begrudgingly slips under the covers though, he tends to be crankier and complain more when he’s tired.

#brahms x reader #michael myers x reader #jason voorhees x reader #bubba sawyer x reader #brahms heelshire x reader #slashers x reader #slasher headcanons #michael myers headcanons #jason voorhees headcanons #brahms heelshire headcanons #bubba sawyer headcanons

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biaswreckingfics · 5 years

Text

No Exit: Part 10

Author: biaswreckingyourlifefics

Genre: Mafia AU - Warnings? Everything that happens in a Mafia AU

Word Count: 4.4k

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Suho's POV

When Suho walked back into the living room, he surveyed everyone's reactions, and from the looks of it, everyone was pretty pissed at what just happened, and he didn't blame them. He was fucking livid too.

How fucking dare those old ass crypt keepers come into his home and try to not only boss him around but show dominance over him. It took all of his self-control to not rip that cane out of Janghoon's hands and bash his fucking skull in with it.

That was what had pissed him off the most. Not the fact that they wanted to get rid of you or the blatant disrespect they showed Kai, although he wanted to snap like the rest of them at that, but the fact that they were still trying to undermine him and make him seem insignificant. He's lead EXO for nearly a decade, tripled their profits, and expanded their business more than the Elders ever could, and they refused to give him credit. It was enough to make him irate.

His eyes quickly sought out Xiumin and Kai, and he was pleased to find that both men were calmed down. He felt pride in his men, and yes, those were his men. They might lose their tempers, but they knew how to hold their shit together when necessary.

Next, his eyes found you as you vacantly stared out the window. Clearly, something was on your mind, and it didn't take a genius to figure out that you were unnerved with the Elders, but to his surprise, you held your own. You even jutted up a chin at the Elders in an act of defiance when Kai put his arm around your shoulders, and Suho found himself amused by it. Of course, the Elders hated it, which made him even more amused.

Xiumin's father had completely thrown him for a loop, though. "Hand her over to the Baem like they want"? Since when has EXO ever given the Baem something they wanted? Never, and fuck the Baem.

Not only did they kill five of his men, but he was 99% sure they killed his family also. The only reason a single Baem member was still breathing was because he had a leak.

An EXO member had been feeding the Baem information for years, and he knew it was an Elder. Suho just wasn't sure which one, or if there was more than one, but he had definitely set his sights on Xiumin's father after that meeting.

"What now, boss?"

Chen's voice snapped him out of his thoughts, and he looked around the room, taking in his men's expressions. They all stared back at him, waiting for their orders.

"We're going to have a meeting tonight to discuss our next move, but for now, just continue doing what you were doing before. Asking the Elders here was apparently pointless." Turning to look at you, he says, "I'd like to speak with you later as well."

At your nod, he turned and strode out of the room, knowing his second wasn't far behind.

Your POV

As you watched the men file out of the room, you knew Suho was gonna want to talk about what happened when the Elders saw you, and that wasn't something you particularly wanted to talk about. How could you tell him that you recognized one of them? You've continuously stated that you didn't have any connections to the mafia world, and then one walks right into their freaking living room.

"You okay?"

Focusing your attention on Jongin, who had suddenly appeared in front of you, you do a quick read of his expression. He was trying to hide it through the mischievous smile on his face, but you could tell he was upset about what they had said to him.

"I'm fine, but how are you?"

Shrugging his shoulders in an attempt to play it off, he says, "I don't care what they say about me."

You knew that Jongin didn't care about the Elder's opinions, but hearing the harsh words they threw at him had to hurt. It would hurt anyone.

"You know you don't have to hide it from me, right? The way I was brought here wasn't conventional, but I do consider you a friend."

He slightly tilts his head as a curious expression graces his face. "I wonder if you would still think of me as a friend when you find out why they dislike me."

"One way to find out." You smirk, letting him know, in your own way, you would.

He hesitated only for a second before taking a deep breath and saying, "I killed one of them."

The fact that you didn't even react to his confession showed you how quickly you had become comfortable in this world again, but you couldn't decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

"From what I've seen, I'm sure they weren't that missed."

"It was my father." He states before scrunching his nose and saying, "Well, stepfather."

Your lips parted at the rest of the confession. That wasn't what you were expecting to hear. You waited for him to continue, but when he made no further attempt to continue, you ask him why.

He scrubs a hand down his face before looking at the couch and gesturing to it. Following his lead, you both sink into the couch, and you immediately turn to face him.

"Someone seems a little eager." He jokes, a small smile playing on his lips.

"Not every day someone blatantly tells me they killed their father."

"No, I suppose not." He takes a breath before finding your eyes. "So, when I was three, my mom married one of the EXO members, who eventually became one of the lead Elders. At first, he was alright. He ignored my existence, but I was three, so I didn't really understand either way. When I was four, my mom was killed in a random home intrusion..."

Jongin continued talking, but your mind flashed back to your own past. To when your parents were murdered in the same fashion right in front of you.

"Y/N?"

You guiltily snap out of your thoughts and give him an apologetic look. "I'm sorry... I just thought about my own parents for a second... continue, please."

"Right... you lost them too..." He nods in understanding, trailing off for a second. "Well, when I was five, he moved me into the EXO compound, and he started to beat me once he realized he was stuck with a child that wasn't his own. He beat me for years until I was able to start fighting back. Once I was stronger than him, he moved on to mentally abusing me instead. He would talk about my mom disrespectfully and bring prostitutes around who looked like her. I could deal with all that. I learned to ignore it.

When Suho took his position as leader, I officially joined EXO. I always liked it when he and Xiumin were around. They had been there for pretty much my whole life, and they were the only friends I had... With Suho taking power, high-level EXO secrets were unveiled to him and he was the one who told me that my stepfather had orchestrated the home invasion."

An audible gasp left your mouth before you could stop it. "He had your mother killed?"

"Yep. Turns out he only married her so he could collect the life insurance money when she died."

You searched Jongin's face at his detached voice. He hid whatever emotions he was feeling well enough that you couldn't get a grasp on his thoughts.

"I'm so sorry..."

He shrugs his shoulders. "I don't remember her much... that's the only sad thing about it."

You were inclined to disagree. He had been abused mentally, physically, and emotionally for most of his life. That type of damage does something to a person, and you knew that all too well. Fortunately for you, you only had to endure the abuse for a couple of years when you were in foster care, not the majority of your life.

"So, what'd you do when you found out?"

A smirk presented itself on to his face, but it looked slightly unnatural. "I confronted him in front of everyone, and then, I slit his throat."

The way he said it so matter of factly had you blinking a few times. The rational part of you told you that you should be scared of this man, but you weren't. It was Jongin, and he had never hurt you in your time here. He was caring and kind in his own way. Plus, if you were in his position, you couldn't say you wouldn't do the same thing. Maybe in a slightly less gruesome way, though.

"Still friends with me?" He asks you quietly.

When he continued to vacantly stare at the fireplace instead of meeting your gaze, you called his name and waited until he finally looked at you.

"If anything, I'm glad you retaliated. I don't know what that says about me as a person, but that piece of shit killed your mother and beat you. In my opinion, he deserved what he had coming to him."

He quietly regarded your words before saying, "I feel like a part of me should be worried that you're so okay with it, but... thanks for seeing it my way."

Leaning back into the couch, you realize that as a "normal" person whose supposedly not involved in the mafia world, your response might be an odd one. However, you had grown up in this world, and you were far from a normal person.

Jongin and you spent the next hour discussing the Elders and he filled you in on all of the bullshit they had pulled over the boys throughout the years, and before you knew it, Suho and Xiumin were standing in the doorway.

Almost immediately, you became apprehensive. Who knew what the pair was thinking after talking with the Elders?

Jongin quietly stood up and left the room, but not before gently putting a hand on Xiumin's shoulder and squeezing. Xiumin closed his eyes for a second, and then both leaders walked over to the couches and sat down, one beside you and one across from you. They hated the Elders, so odds were in your favor, and with that thought, you forced yourself to relax.

"So, those were the Elders..." Suho awkwardly starts.

Snorting at his opening, you reply, "I can't say I'm impressed."

"They're not an impressive bunch." He responds with a smirk.

Xiumin, who had quietly sat across from you, gave you an unreadable look. "Why did it seem like my dad knew who you were?"

"I was, kind of, hoping you could tell me. I've never seen him before in my life..."

It wasn't a lie. You had never seen Xiumin's father or the other leader before, but the third Elder? You had definitely seen him before.

"Not just his father, Janghoon and Hosung too... They all seemed to freak out, which I feel like should worry me, but it was more entertaining than anything."

Hosung... that must've been the man you recognized, and damn if his name didn't sound familiar...

"I suppose you don't know why they called you trouble either?" Xiumin asks casually.

"I assumed that was because I was a girl."

Both men freeze at your words, and you quickly look between the two of them. Xiumin was the one to break the silence.

"Who told you?"

"Baekhyun told me about his sister and Minhyuk."

The men exchange a glance before looking at you, regarding you slightly different than before.

"I knew you had grown close with a couple of the guys, but I didn't realize how close..." Suho quietly trails off.

"I don't have to tell you what'll happen if you end up betraying them in any way, do I?" Xiumin asks.

Sighing, you say, "Aren't we done with that yet? I've been here for, like, two months now. You haven't found out anything bad about me, and I've made no attempt to hurt anyone in any way. Annoyingly enough, I've grown to care about most of you in one way or another. Even your two stubborn asses."

Suho lets out a quiet chuckle, but Xiumin only raises an eyebrow at your small outburst.

"Unfortunately, that doesn't mean much in this world. Betrayal is a very real thing, and it's deadly. You could be biding your time, you could be an implant, or you could be innocent. Considering the Elder's reaction to you, clearly, you’re involved in this world somehow. Now whether you're lying to us or you simply can't remember is another story. I guess time will tell us which it is."

Suho quietly contemplated his second's statement before saying, "Well, I figured the Elders would've had you shaken up, but I guess not..."

"Don't get me wrong, they're intimidating, and I worry about what'll happen now since they told you to get rid of me, but I'm tougher than I look."

A look passed between the two leaders that you couldn't decipher, and Suho glanced out the window before turning to you.

"Bottom line? We don't trust the Elders. Not only do they have more secrets than I can keep track of, but they also have a leak."

You sat up and looked between the men. "Wait, really?"

"One of the Elders has been leaking information about us to the Baem for years."

"How come you haven't figured out who it is?" You ask.

"They're good at covering their tracks. We have it narrowed down to a couple of them, though."

At Suho's words, a muscle in Xiumin's jaw ticked, and that was when you noticed how tense he was. Before you could look away, he caught you staring at him.

"To answer your unspoken question, yes. My father is one of the suspects."

Xiumin's POV

He took in your surprised expression and knew he had caught you off guard with his bluntness. He wasn't stupid. He knew his father was Suho's number one suspect, but it sat wrong with him.

His father was a piece of shit, even Xiumin wouldn't deny that, but his father and Suho's father were best friends. He was his second, just like Xiumin was Suho's, so it didn't make sense to him that his father would be the one to betray EXO and leak information to the Baem.

There was a huge piece of the puzzle that was missing, and it was probably right in front of their faces.

The reaction the Elders had to you, however, was interesting. Xiumin heard his father take a breath when he saw you, and at first, Xiumin thought it was his "no girls are good enough for EXO" bullshit. That changed when he saw Hosung and Janghoon's reactions, though. They recognized you, and Xiumin had no fucking clue how they would know you.

So many scenarios ran through his mind at that moment, and they all pointed to his father and possibly the others being the leak. Maybe they freaked out because you could mess up their plans in some way, or maybe they freaked because they knew you were from a different group and were infiltrating them, but there's no way they wouldn't have immediately said that to Suho. Hiding who you were made no sense unless you were a Baem whore, and they knew it because they were the leaks.

However, Xiumin saw your confusion at their reactions, so he knew you meant it when you told them you didn't know who they were. Unless you were the best damn actress on this planet, but Xiumin wasn't going to give you that much credit. Add that to the missing piece of the puzzle.

"You think your dad could be the link?" Your voice draws him out of his thoughts.

He shrugs his shoulders in response. "A few people could be, but yes, he is a possibility."

When you didn't say anything, he sighed and leaned forward.

"Look my dad's an asshole. You saw the way he treated Jongin, who has been a member as long as we have, but he was the second in command for decades. It just doesn't make sense to me that he would betray us. However, I've been in this world long enough to know that it changes you in more ways than you could imagine. The father that I knew growing up is gone, and the man he is now is a suspect."

He could see that you had something you wanted to say to him. It was written all over your face.

"Spit it out."

Your eyes widened at his words, and you glanced at Suho before looking back at him.

"I know it's not my place..."

Suho snorts. "Which undoubtedly means you're going to say something anyway. Sometimes you are just like my - "

Xiumin quickly clears his throat, stopping his best friend from saying something he could regret. He knew what Suho was going to say. His sister. You reminded him of his baby sister, and in some ways, you reminded Xiumin of her too. He didn't have many interactions with her before the incident, but when she was younger, she would always try to hang out with the boys. Of course, they usually told her to go away, but most of the time, she was determined to be with them.

Seoyeon was a sweet, happy girl, and Xiumin remembered how destroyed Suho had been after she died. There were days when he thought Suho wasn't going to survive. He drowned his issues in alcohol and drugs before getting his shit together and taking his rightful spot as leader.

You were the first girl who truly tested him. All the other girls who had ever been around EXO weren't stupid enough to do that. They knew who he was and knew not to push his buttons, but you didn't seem to care. You were just like his sister, and Xiumin would be damned before he let Suho fall back into that dark place.

Xiumin continued to stare at you, waiting for you to finish whatever it was you were going to say, but what came out of your mouth wasn't something he had been prepared for.

"Jongin doesn't blame you, and while we're at it, neither does Baekhyun. Whatever idiotic things your father has said and done does not reflect on you."

Anger, shame, and frustration filled Xiumin, but before he could say anything, you cut him off.

"I saw the way you were after the meeting. It was tearing you up to see the way he was talking to Jongin. You are not your father."

It was silent after you spoke, and it lasted long enough for you to start fidgeting in your seat.

"Are you done?" He asks.

He knew you were trying to help, and he knew you were right, but it pissed him off that you could read him so easily, so he said the first thing he thought of.

"If I wanted a therapist, I'd fucking get one. You don't know me, and you don't know what the fuck you're talking about."

Your POV

You watched as Xiumin angrily stood up and marched out of the room. You knew you might've been overstepping your boundaries, but you wanted to help ease him in some way.

"Don't worry about him." Suho quietly tells you.

"I just wanted to help him..."

"He knows. He just doesn't want to hear it right now."

You nod because you don't know what else to do and change the subject. "So, what now?"

"I don't know." He quietly chuckles. "This whole situation is new territory for me. Normally, I would've just killed you in the shoot out, but there was something familiar about you. You've come into our world and our home and have completely shaken things up. I have no idea what to do about you or the situation."

You hesitate before asking one of the questions that had been on your mind for over a month now. "Why do I seem so familiar to you? Earlier, it sounded like you were going to compare me to someone... can I ask who?"

This time it was his turn to hesitate. "My sister... Sometimes, the way you say or do something, it reminds me of her."

"What happened to her?"

Suho turns his head away from you. The muscle in his jaw ticks and you get the feeling he was trying to keep himself composed.

"She was killed by a rival group. I don't think you have to guess who."

"Baem?" You whisper.

"Of course, there's never been any real proof, but nobody else is stupid enough to make that move."

His situation was eerily similar to yours. Both of your parents and your siblings killed by rival groups? It didn't take much for your mind to jump to a conclusion.

What if his father killed your family, and in retaliation, your father's group killed his? Or vice versa?

"Did you retaliate against them?"

He snorts before answering. "Of course we did. There's no way in hell I'd let my family's killer breathe longer than he needed to."

Your body froze as his words sunk in. Did your families kill each other? Was your father the leader of the Baem? Were you, by blood, a Baem?

"I'm sorry... I know this is still probably a lot for you to take in."

Meeting his eyes, you realize he had mistaken your panic for him retaliating and not what you were truly panicking about. Your panic was more about the fact that you were probably sitting across from your father's enemy.

"No, it's fine. I would do the exact same if someone had murdered my family." You tell him, meeting his stare head-on.

His cellphone ringing broke the eye contact the two of you were holding. As he spoke to whoever was on the other end, your mind ran with possibilities. What the heck were you going to do now?

"Alright. See you in a minute." He hangs up the phone as he begins to stand up. "Well, it's time for our meeting, so if you need anyone, you know where will be."

You nod to let him know you heard him and watch as he walks out of the room.

For the next couple of hours, you tried to fall into your favorite book, but your mind refused to let you. So many things weren't adding up, and you were getting a headache trying to figure it out.

If your father was a Baem leader, why would they try to kill you? The possibility that your family and Suho's family had killed each other was so real, but if the Baem were trying to kill you, then that wouldn't make sense.

What if...

No.

There was absolutely no way.

There is no possible way that your father was an EXO member because that would mean that Suho... was your brother...

No. You stopped that stupid idea and refused to let yourself go down that path. Your brother was dead. Definitely not down the hallway.

Dropping your head onto the back of the couch, you stare at the ceiling and think of the only three possible options to where you fit into this mess.

1. Your father had been the Baem leader, but you immediately nixed that idea. Your father's group wouldn't try to kill his daughter, right?

2. Your father had been the EXO leader and Suho was your brother, but you threw out that idea also. Though Suho had some resemblance to your brother, you knew your brother was dead, just like the rest of your family.

3. The only other option that made sense was that your father was the leader of an entirely different group that you didn't know, and you actually had nothing to do with EXO or the Baem.

You sigh and place the book down on the table. There was no use lying to yourself because you weren't going to get anywhere with reading it. Instead, you lean back into the couch and stare out the window in front of you.

It was a quiet, calm night. Not a cloud in the sky, and you were in a remote enough place to see the stars. Staring out the window had become one of your favorite pastimes since the only light that polluted the sky was from a cute little lantern in the backyard. The light was next to a path that led you into the tree line, so it was far enough away that it didn't bug you.

Quickly spotting it, you take comfort in it as you watch the tree branches sway in front of it, blocking it from view every so often. It must be...

You slowly sit up with the realization that there was no wind tonight, and therefore, whatever was blocking the light was not a tree branch.

On instinct, you slowly slide off the couch and onto the ground. Crawling over to the window as quickly as you can, you slowly peek above the windowsill. Trying to remain as still as possible, you peer over at the lantern. It only takes a couple of seconds before you spot the figure next to it.

The longer you stared, the more the shape of the person defined itself, and the quicker you realized they were not alone. There was another figure right next to them, and both of them were dressed in black from head-to-toe.

You knew all the boys were in their meeting, so it wasn't anyone friendly outside. Scanning the backyard for any more unwelcome guests, you spot another one off to the side a few yards away.

Slowly ducking back down, you pull yourself away from the window and begin to quickly crawl towards the entrance in the living room. It only takes you a few seconds before you crawl out into the hallway, where you jump to your feet and take off running for the meeting room.

You had to warn EXO that they were about to be under attack. You all were.

Tagging: @cina-bunn, @nothingbutadeadesceane, @spiltkpop, @meryljill-111192, @atwoodscott, @kaykaystay17, @sehunnies-hunnie96, @azul23blue, @exosnoona29

#no exit #mafia au #EXO Mafia #exo mafia au #exo fanfic #exo fanfiction #exo fic #exo fanfics #exo fics #exo scenarios #exo scenario #exo series #exo au #exo au series

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catflowerqueen · 4 years

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While it’s hard to pinpoint the exact moment things went wrong for Darkrai, it can be pretty much be boiled down to three things: people not understanding/liking what his job actually is, the consequences of that whole fiasco with Pupil and her family, and a few lines in the Time Gear Legend.

Darkrai’s job: Darkrai has dominion over nightmares. No one likes having nightmares. These are facts. But what are also facts is that your nightmares can tell you a lot about yourself—things you’re scared of, or what you’re worried about. So, having a nightmare can sometimes be considered a trial run for what’s going on—they aren’t real, but if you know what the worst-case scenario is, it helps you to prepare for the real thing. This could involve something like making contingency plans or extra preparations to realizing how absurd your fear actually is. Think of the Krabby Claw story—no one is terrified of it, at all, because how realistic is that scenario, actually? In theory someone could probably hook up some sort of electrical current to make the nerve endings or muscles of a detached claw contract (like those videos of soy sauce and octopi), and its possible that a ghost-type could possess it, sure, but are either of those scenarios likely? No—and even if they did happen, it would involve outside force acting on the claw.

Darkrai’s job is to cause nightmares in order for people to learn something from them. He can show worst case scenarios, break down barriers of denial, or make up absurdly scary things with bits of symbolism so that when dawn comes and people stop to think things through, they’ll realize how silly the whole thing really is. On the other hand, non-stop nightmares would help no one, and at a certain point they would be more debilitating than helpful. That’s where Cresselia comes in—she can provide the succor of a good dream to help ensure that people get the rest they need or to act as further supplement to hit Darkrai’s lessons home. And afterwards, both are supposed to be available to help talk things through.

Because the thing is—neither of them are omniscient. Cresselia does not cause every good dream, and Darkrai does not cause every nightmare. So, if they step in, it’s generally because they’re actually needed and so tend to stick around afterwards if someone needs to talk it through. Though, admittedly, that’s typically more necessary in the case of Darkrai’s gifts, since symbolism is confusing and fears—and fear responses—aren’t necessarily rational. And that very irrationality is a problem, because people, as I’ve said before, don’t like nightmares, and typically aren’t very friendly in response to someone deliberately causing them. Ergo, most people do not like Darkrai, and wouldn’t be open to listening to him.

Darkrai tried his best, for a long, long, time, but it’s understandable that he got disheartened by it all, especially as issues like jealousy and superiority drove a wedge between him and Cresselia. Mind you, it was a slow process, and Darkrai’s issues didn’t hit the rapid deterioration that led to his canon actions until, oh, roughly a thousand years ago.

Which leads to the second thing—The consequences of the whole Pupil fiasco:

I’ve already addressed the basics of what went down there in an earlier post, but, to summarize, a thousand years ago there was an incarnation of the Rainbow Child with the nickname Pupil who came to the Pokémon World with her family so that she could have the chance to relax and de-stress before ascending. But her family, and especially her relationship with her siblings, had some major issues and she and her siblings got into a fight which ended with her falling off of a tall cliff and becoming mortally wounded. This was the first time that a Rainbow Child got so close to dying before ascending, and since no one knew what exactly would happen if that were to occur, Relatia got extremely freaked out and decided that from then on, she was no longer going to bring the Rainbow Child for visits to the Pokémon World, nor was she going to go herself unless she was specifically called.

This was not a good thing for the psyche/morale of many legendaries left behind—Darkrai included. It also dovetails nicely into the final thing: A few lines of the Time Gear Legend.

The first line of importance is “Many pokémon came to the Beach—where Relatia and her worshippers had first arrived—to see them off, for they would be greatly missed; especially the Rainbow Child, who was beloved of the legendaries.” The legendaries adored the Rainbow Child, completely and absolutely, and Darkrai was no exception—especially since she actually understood him, and what he was supposed to be doing. They had a special relationship, and—unknown to anyone but him, and the first—he helped her to make some big decisions which impacted a lot of how her role was portrayed and evolved during and after that first visit by Relatia. And even though she couldn’t really remember that in subsequent lives, her feelings about him and his job never changed. He was also one of the legendaries that chose to continually seek her out—or at least to not deliberately hide from her if they happened to cross paths—whenever she came to visit. Others (such as Giratina) deliberately hid, in part because she couldn’t remember their meetings between incarnations and it would have hurt them too much to try and re-forge that bond over and over again. But it didn’t bother Darkrai—or at least, not as much—partially because of the aforementioned thing he helped her with and partially because it was actually rather nice to renew his friendship like that and get to savor and compare differences—and to tell her embarrassing stories about her past lives while still treating her as the unique person she became each new incarnation.

Her renewed support each time also helped to bolster him when the stress of his duties and all the rejection came to be too much. It’s a tough job… but knowing that she cared, and getting those reminders fairly often since she came around semi-frequently (considering the lifespan of a legendary, even if she only came once per incarnation, it still seemed like she was coming, say, every month or so rather than the actual decades to half century-long breaks in between—because when you live that long, time can honestly become rather meaningless, and its pretty easy to lose track of things like dates, or when the last time you left your lake was *cough* looking at you, Uxie *cough*) helped him keep afloat mentally and emotionally.

But then the aforementioned Pupil fiasco happened and… well.

At first it wasn’t so bad—there wasn’t really a hard and fast rule about when those traditional visits happened, just that it had been, up until that point, usually at least once per incarnation. But that meant that the gaps between could be anywhere from thirteen to hundreds of years, depending on when in the Rainbow Child’s life, they came, and how synced up Earth’s time was to that of the Pokémon World’s for any given visit. And sometimes they did have to skip an incarnation, for whatever reason, or some incarnations would come more than once. It was really the finality of it all—since Relatia outright made an announcement that this was the last time she was bringing a Rainbow Child (though, admittedly, it wasn’t like it was widespread or anything—she didn’t go out seeking any legendaries besides maybe Dialga and Palkia, so most people only found out via gossip), coupled with the fact that no legendaries even got to see Pupil before she died, and her prior incarnation only visited once, shortly after her own ascension, and then proceeded to live a very long life, that really impacted everyone’s psyches.

As Azelf told Corphish (and which we can now fully understand given hindsight and knowledge) “Those two (Relatia and the Rainbow Child) left, and then he (the Golden Child/Mason—because celebi are extremely long-lived, despite me having them be only pseudo-legendaries here, so it is entirely possible that it was, indeed, our Mason who was the incarnation of the Golden Child during that period) became depressed, and then everyone sort of… lost contact with each other.”

He wasn’t just talking about him, his siblings, and Dialga—every legendary (save for those, like Giratina [again] who more or less deliberately kept themselves out of the loop and away from everyone) was hit with the same thing. Those who tried to keep in contact with each other slowly stopped over time, and any sort of support group Darkrai may have had vanished—due to a combination of his grief, their own grief, and the usual issues he had to face given his duties.

It’s not too surprising, then, that Darkrai would start to spiral and get a little… desperate. Leading us to the other important line in the Time Gear Legend: “But it was then that the Golden Child made a shocking announcement: he would not be returning with Relatia. Instead, he, along with a handful of other servants, would stay behind to ensure that there would be some way of calling upon Relatia for help if ever tragedy struck the world and she was needed. Relatia was reluctant to part with him, but she agreed that it was a wise idea.”

In short, the legend promised that if Relatia was needed, someone would call her, and she would come help. And given what the whole Time Gear legend is about in the first place… what’s the most likely reason her help would be needed?

Darkrai’s intent in damaging Temporal Tower was never to create a dark, paralyzed future. He just wanted there to be enough damage that things would start to get a bit wonky and someone would call Relatia for help. Hopefully, that help would entail her bringing the Rainbow Child along—and even if she didn’t, he wasn’t above begging her to please let her come back to their world, or let him visit Earth, just so he could see her at least once more. But for whatever reason… she didn’t come. No one called her. Maybe it was because he overestimated the damage, or because people forgot about the Time Gear’s true job (or assumed that they would be able to recharge Temporal Tower from afar or something), but the end result was the Dark Future.

Understandably, this did nothing to help with Darkrai’s growing issues and, in fact, actually made them way, way worse. Much of the reason the pokémon in the Dark World went insane as quickly as they did was probably a combination of Darkrai either accidentally lashing out in his own pain and grief, or doing it deliberately. Maybe at some point he’d half convinced himself that this was what he wanted all along, or that it was some sort of revenge—a, “if they want me to be a monster, then why should I refuse them?” sort of deal.

But that state didn’t last forever, because eventually… he came into contact with Laura. Because that whole “beloved of the legendaries” deal didn’t only apply to him, and, for some reason that would be unfathomable if he hadn’t tried to do the exact same thing (if in a more indirect manner), a fellow legendary (Primal Dialga) had succeeded where he couldn’t, and brought the Rainbow Child back to the world of Pokémon.

…A world which, upon further reflection, was actually really, really dangerous for her to be in, for a few reasons, one of which being that ordinary pokémon would not care at all that she was a nascent Rainbow Child, and would not hesitate to attack her… or possibly even kill her… and, oh yeah, it was still up in the air what would happen if a Rainbow Child died before ascension and he really, really did not ever want to figure that out. So, after an initial plan to get her back to Earth failed, he decided to do something which some of the more canny readers (*cough* @citrus-chickadee *cough*) have managed to figure out—he joined Team They Didn’t Have One (much to Grovyle’s initial displeasure) in order to fix his mistakes.

Initially he—like his teammates—didn’t realize that changing the past would make everyone in the current future disappear. But when they all figured it out, he was rather upset. Not because he was worried about himself or Laura—he’d used Dimensional Holes and things to jump around in time a lot during the initial stages of the world’s deterioration trying to figure out why no one was calling Relatia, so he was technically in the same boat Paula was and would be considered a denizen of the past when it all went down, and he’d already figured out that Laura was from Earth—but because he actually got rather close to Grovyle. Also, considering that this whole situation was his own fault in the first place, Darkrai was definitely feeling guilty, and a bit cowardly, and didn’t want to be the one to pull the actual trigger—even though he totally kept secretly following them around at times, at enough of a distance that neither of them would notice.

But then, he found out that Laura was planning something really, really stupid, dangerous, and self-sacrificing. He really shouldn’t have been surprised… but he also couldn’t let her go through with it—so he attacked her and Grovyle as they were travelling back in time. He wasn’t aiming for the canon result he got, but he figured that the amnesia would be enough to stop her plans so he just let her be after seeing her safely ensconced in the Wigglytuff Guild and then went to shadow (literally) Grovyle for a little bit to make sure that things were on track as far as gathering the Time Gears went. Then he just basically wandered off and tried to decide what to do with his life, and whether or not he could (or should) try to change Laura back into a human after all was said and done and the world was saved.

He really, really shouldn’t have been surprised when Laura got involved anyways and things went haywire… and yet he was. The world should feel very lucky that he was too numbed with shock and grief to actually do anything for those few months that Laura was MIA, because if he was in full control of his faculties at the time, he probably would have ended up recreating the Dark Future again, but this time deliberately and with much, much worse results.

As it stands, when she eventually came back he realized that Relatia may have had a point when she decided to keep the Rainbow Child away from the Pokémon World, so he decided that he was going to do something about it. His initial plan to get her back to Earth way back in the Dark Future might have failed, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t try again. It just meant that he needed to use his own power to do so—or, at the very least, to make enough of a mess of space that someone would actually call Relatia this time and he could basically throw Laura at her and get her to fix things and take her back where it was safe. At least… physically, if not mentally.

Thus, he concocted his post-game plan, which had multiple different parts and directions he could take things if someone started to foil it.

Ultimately that all failed… but not because of the reasons one may think. Mainly because when Cresselia gave that speculation about what happened to Darkrai given that Palkia attacked him while time travelling… she was basing her assumptions on Darkrai’s words, and what happened to Laura. But the thing is… he wasn’t being entirely truthful on the matter. Also, Cresselia had no idea at the time that Laura was a nascent Rainbow Child—because that does matter.

Luckily for everyone, Darkrai ended up right where—and when—he needed to in order to give up those sorts of insane plans.

…Which isn’t to say that he’s given up plotting entirely, or that he isn’t going to show up again…

#pokemon mystery dungeon #explorers of sky #the world's treasure #spoilers #massive spoilers #writing #fanfiction

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bearingwater · 5 years

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Aquarius Sun, Gemini Moon: An Artistic Personality

The permanent optimists, the Aquarius Sun Gemini Moon people tend to look at the bright side.

People with their Sun in Aquarius and their Moon in Gemini are knowledgeable and fascinated about the world in general. That’s why they are so open and friendly. They have a caring and nice side, but they can’t sit still for too long.

The fact that they need variety and to experience new things all the time makes them restless and fun. There isn’t a place these people haven’t seen or an activity they haven’t enjoyed. Adventurous, they will travel the world to learn strange languages and meet new people.

Aquarius Sun Gemini Moon combination in a nutshell:

Positives: Attractive, charismatic, and outspoken.

Negatives: Uncensored, clumsy, and impatient.

Perfect partner: Someone who they can have fun with.

Advice: To try and spend more time at home.

Their success with the opposite sex is guaranteed because they are charismatic and mysterious. Being too objective and free means they really don’t know how to be intimate but being enchanting and appealing, it can be hard for someone to resist them.

Personality traits

Reformists, Aquarius Sun Gemini Moon people will get involved in all kinds of projects that allow them to be innovative. Their intuition usually tells them what to do and whom to follow.

They can plan for the future while enjoying what the present has to offer. Not at all emotional, they are still attentive to other people’s needs. But they are too individualistic to ever get too close to someone.

It wouldn’t matter how large their group of friends, they would still be loners. When someone becomes too emotional around them, they no longer know what to do. It’s good they are positive and optimistic enough to make up for their lack of emotions.

People with this Sun Moon combination have high ideals, but their passion is only for concepts and ideas. It would be impossible for them to be romantic.

And they don’t mind having everyone’s eyes on them. Witty conversations are what makes them tick because they can finally talk as much as they like. But they need to be careful not to become too proud.

It’s suggested they keep their health and hold on to their talents or their ability to adapt. It can be easy for them to live a peaceful life because they usually don’t attract any trouble.

Continuing to be the best and not going with the flow is what will help them achieve everything they want in life.

If they won’t try to have a career in the field of arts, all the emotions they have left will probably disappear completely. Because they have ideals, they will also be criticizing and end up disappointed each time others won’t live up to their expectations.

Especially in romance, Aquarius Sun Gemini Moon natives fall in love quickly. They are enthusiastic about a new relationship.

They will see their lover as the best person in the world. Even after the relationship has ended, they will still hold on to the ideal of love.

They usually justify all of their actions saying they were lost in romance. But if disappointed or bored, they won’t hesitate to break up from the person they are with.

These natives believe true love comes with sadness and happiness alike. As a matter of fact, they think love it’s supposed to be more sad than happy.

Sometimes dramatic, they are good storytellers. When it comes to their intellectuality, they are fast, curious and able to intuitively guess what is happening around them.

That’s why they can see beyond what’s on the surface. And this can’t be good for their professional life. They need a break from their work from time to time, just like they need a break from their lover too.

It’s possible they will change partners very often. This situation is more advantageous for a woman because romanticism is not as destructive for a female as it is for a male.

The less Aquarius Sun Gemini Moon people will drift when it comes to business, intellectuality and emotionality, the more they’ll be able to have a constructive approach to life. Being more consistent can be both a social and a business asset for them, something that will decide their future.

Running from domestic responsibilities

People born under this Sun Moon combination function better in groups than in one-on-one situations. But no matter how scared of intimacy, they will still be devoted to the one they love as long as their need for freedom is understood.

They are unconventional when it comes to how they want their relationship to be, doing things in a more eccentric way. While not the most romantic people in the zodiac, their lover can be sure they will always treasure love.

It doesn’t matter how detached they seem, they will still be committed and very much in love. Moon Geminis need to not be stressed with domestic responsibilities. They can have all the emotions in the book in only one day.

That’s why they need a partner who keeps them at all times interested and entertained. These natives love to talk about their feelings, but only if the discussion is not too deep.

They approach life with courage and they want to have as many options as possible. And they will still think what it would have happened if they would have chosen something different.

It’s difficult for these natives to focus on one matter or a single partner at a time and there will always be someone or something else to catch their interest.

The Aquarius Sun Gemini Moon man

This man is a romantic who leads with his heart. Saying he’s going to call Monday is a big commitment for him so he will probably call Friday. Yet this doesn’t mean he isn’t in love. He simply can’t hold on to what he promises to do. Some women can’t forgive such things easily. He’s just passive, not that he has any intention to disappoint.

Because the Aquarius Sun Gemini Moon man is attractive and charismatic, he thinks he can get away with just about anything. When it comes to what this guy believes in, expect him to join all kind of causes and to speak his mind.

But he will definitely not be out in the streets raising money or in a room making calls. He will let others do all this. What he needs for his relationships to work is a little bit of more stability because he’s easily impressionable.

He definitely isn’t the husband material some women expect him to be. When it comes to his career, he needs more stability here too.

It’s easy for him to do any job. Business management, engineering or medicine, just name it and he’ll be the best. He likes to negotiate and is perfect for this type of work because he never settles.

A Libra would suit him perfectly because Libras are a little bit controlling. This lady is the only one capable of changing him. With a Sagittarius or an Aquarius, he would only be more light-headed and enticing, but he’d have fun.

The Aquarius Sun Gemini Moon woman

Adventurous and always looking for excitement, the Aquarius Sun Gemini Moon woman is fun and known for her sense of humor. She’s independent and so busy that she will most likely forget about important things like her parents’ anniversary.

Not that she means to be so detached and not caring. She simply can’t remember because she’s usually doing something else like sending an email for the local newspaper or negotiating some new laws for the protection of animals.

Not to mention how much importance she gives to her work. But she won’t be at all efficient if things at her job would be too organized or would require her to respect a schedule.

She doesn’t care about owning a propriety or achieving traditional life milestones. This lady needs to be surprised all the time. She’s smart, resourceful, contemplative and a good entrepreneur. You’ll never see her in the traditional housewife’s role.

This is an independent girl ever since her childhood. While others will struggle to gather the blocks, she will already look at the construction.

When it comes to being a mother, she’s very good but doesn’t admit it. As a wife, she will be devoted if allowed to be free. Her partners will be many because she takes her time before marrying.

At least her husband will be happy to have found a buddy and a great companion in her. She doesn’t need someone to support her, she’s the type who wants someone to have fun with.

#aquarius #gemini #gemini moon #astrology #zodiac #sunmoon

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queen-of-bel · 5 years

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So by popular vote, Gin won to be the subject of my next character analysis

naoya | kaido | atsuro | amane | mari

Gin is introduced by Yuzu as Haru’s “guardian” and a big brother to everyone. He’s a kind person and genuinely cares about the well-being of others.

He used to be a thug/gang member, as he refers to himself as an “adult Kaido”. He didn’t choose that life out of anger or frustration, but because he was bored with the world and probably couldn’t find another place to belong.

That all changed once he met Aya.

Gin didn’t really have a reason to live before, but he did once he found Aya. Aya snapped him out of it, and he became a better person because of her. He states the reason he likes to look after younger kids is because he’s trying to atone for what he did when he was their age.

This transformation was all due to Aya, and Gin became indebted to her. He found a reason to live because of her. The problem is, Aya became his only reason to live, and once she disappeared, he lost himself again. He became pretty apathetic, going through his daily actions without much emotion.

At this point in his life, Gin isn’t the same person that Yuzu introduced him as. Gin has lost his sense of being a “big brother” to everyone, only minimally stepping into people’s affairs if he would be directly responsible for their death.

The most obvious example of that is when he stepped in to save Shoji. The demon that was attacking Shoji came extremely close to killing her. She said that she was close enough to see the demon’s jaw open wide to attack her, and at the last second, Gin stepped in to save her.

Now, there are two reasons I can think of for Gin’s last-minute appearance. The first is purely because of timing. Gin was walking down the street or stepping outside his bar, saw Shoji getting attacked, and immediately rushed over to help her.

The second reason, which I think is more likely, is that Gin really did wait until the last second to interfere.

If this were the case, then from Gin’s perspective, there were multiple ways Shoji’s encounter with the demon could’ve ended. Maybe she was a demon tamer herself. Maybe she could escape. Maybe someone else would save her.

None of those things happened, and when Gin saw that Shoji really was about to die, he stepped in.

The reason I think that is a more likely explanation is because of how Gin treats Haru throughout the game.

He tells Haru that Aya has moved abroad to study music, which is why Aya isn’t around anymore.

However, that’s a lie about Aya’s disappearance so that Haru doesn’t blame herself. He knows that Haru is majorly depressed, and if Haru thought she was the one who drove Aya away, Haru would kill herself.

As somebody who is known to be Haru’s guardian, that’s a pretty odd move.

Here’s the thing. I agree that Haru would certainly harm herself if she thought she drove Aya away. However, Haru wouldn’t think that way if Gin just told her the truth– that the Shomonkai took away Aya.

The evidence that Gin has so far that points to this is pretty strong. Aya was last seen getting into a Shomonkai’s car, and the Shomonkai are highly avoidant of Gin. Sure it’s not a perfect case, but it’s still a much better explanation than the one Gin gave Haru.

Aya packing up her bags and moving abroad without telling anybody is a pretty half-assed lie, to be honest. Haru’s not stupid. She doubts that Gin is telling the truth, and that’s a huge gamble that Gin is taking. Haru is the type of person to jump to the worst possible conclusion, so if she didn’t believe Aya was abroad studying music, it’s extremely likely that Haru would think she drove Aya away.

So why doesn’t Gin just tell Haru the truth?

I think it’s because Gin doesn’t want to be around Haru.

In the prologue, when we see Gin and Haru together, Gin actually has his back to Haru, only facing her when she begins speaking. Haru expresses her worries that she can’t finish the song that Aya gave her, and Gin tells her to do whatever her heart tells her to.

There’s a few things wrong with this, which support my theory that Gin is avoiding Haru.

First off, it’s strange that Gin wasn’t originally facing Haru. It certainly didn’t seem like their conversation was over, and he wasn’t walking anywhere either. Haru was engrossed in her sequencer, and I think that’s when Gin realized he could look away without Haru noticing. He only turns back once he sees she’s started talking again.

The second thing that’s off is Gin’s lack of support. Again, Gin is known as Haru’s guardian, and I would think someone like that would encourage Haru to finish Aya’s work. Instead, he just says to do whatever she wants and seems to leave it at that.

This is reason to believe he doesn’t want to be emotionally close to Haru. If he encouraged Haru to continue Aya’s song, then Haru might return to Gin for more support. The thing is, Gin doesn’t have the energy for anything, let alone encouraging Haru to break out of her shell. So what he does instead is basically just sends her away. Haru won’t kill herself over that, so she will remain physically safe, and Gin won’t have to interact with Haru. That’s a win-win for him.

Even throughout the lockdown, we can see how he wants to distance himself from Haru.

Once he finds out Kazuya has been talking to her as well, he essentially pushes all responsiblity onto him, despite the fact that Kazuya has only known Haru for a day. Gin warns Kazuya about Haru’s suicidal tendencies, and initially says to stay away from Haru, but when Kazuya pushes further, Gin totally backs off and says he leaves her in Kazuya’s hands.

Again, he doesn’t know Kazuya, or even Yuzu very well. The fact that Gin so easily handed over responsibility reinforces the theory that he just wants to be alone. Haru isn’t his problem or responsibility anymore, it’s someone else’s. The lockdown was becoming an increasingly dangerous place, and the chances of Haru surviving were becoming slimmer and slimmer, especially considering her suicidal tendencies.

If Haru were to die while she’s still under Gin’s care, I think the guilt would kill him. Not just because of Haru’s death, but he feels like he won’t be able to face Aya, who was the first person to take Haru under her wing.

But now, Haru seems to be opening up to another person. If Kazuya were to be responsible for Haru instead, Gin wouldn’t have any reason to feel guilty if Haru died. It would be Kazuya’s responsibility, not Gin’s.

Now, none of this was done with any malice, and I personally think this was all done subconsciously. Gin of course cares for Haru, but the stress of losing Aya has caused him to revert to his old habits– viewing the world as lackluster and gray.

On the 6th day, Haru says that Gin has become lifeless and suicidal after Aya disappeared, which is how she knew Gin was lying about Aya.

So, if Gin doesn’t even have the energy to deal with (who we can assume is) the second most important person in his life, there’s no way that he’s going to play hero with Shoji, a complete stranger. He doesn’t want to see anybody die if he can help it, but his obvious emotional detachment is why I think he waited until the last moment to save Shoji.

So we know that during the past few months, Gin has been wildly depressed and withdrawn. It’s during the middle and end of the lockdown, though, that he starts to actually break out of that.

Gin has always suspected the Shomonkai of being involved with shady business, but seeing their involvement with demons solidifies those suspicions.

Given that there isn’t anywhere the Shomonkai can run to (everyone is trapped within the Yamanote line after all), and that there aren’t really any laws being enforced, Gin can afford to be a bit more on the offensive. He knows everyone will die within a week, and this is his last chance to find information on Aya.

Now, Gin isn’t afraid to die. He never has been. But what he’s afraid of is never being able to find Aya again, and it’s this desperation that fuels his actions throughout the seven days.

Gin knows deep down that Aya is dead, but he doesn’t have the courage to confront that yet.

If Kazuya chooses to become overlord, but didn’t help Gin find out what happened to Aya, Gin actually will join the Shomonkai temporarily. When Kazuya attempts to kidnap Amane, Gin steps in to save her. He apologizes to Kazuya, as he doesn’t really want to fight Kazuya, but Gin knows that siding with the Shomonkai is the best chance he will ever get at finding information about Aya.

Azuma is no doubt just using Gin to protect Amane (really, Jezebel), and Gin knows that. Again, Gin knows that Aya is dead, but he’s still in denial. He’s desperately clinging on to any hope that Aya could return to him, and Azuma took advantage of that.

The fact that Gin allowed himself to be used by the Shomonkai indicates how Aya is Gin’s sole reason for living. But there are other, bigger signs of that as well.

If Kazuya chose to break out of the lockdown instead, then he has the option to invite Gin along. Gin refuses and says he’s just going to relax at his bar and have a drink instead.

At this point in the game, there is no other way to survive the lockdown. There’s not enough time to reach the summoning server or become the King of Bel. People in the lockdown will either have to break out or get killed by the UEM field.

So depending on Kazuya’s actions, Gin may have found out the truth about Aya. But even if Gin didn’t find out, he thinks it’s too late. There isn’t enough time to find Aya, and instead of fighting to stay alive, he decides to succumb and die at the hands of the government instead.

The thing is, he could have continued to search for Aya if he broke through the lockdown, but he explicitly chooses not to. This means that by the end of the seventh day, he has finally come to terms with the fact that he’ll never see Aya again. Unfortunately, this also means that he has totally lost his reason to live.

Gin has no desire to live in a world without Aya, but he also has no desire to contribute to a world that Aya would not recognize.

In Overclocked, the only eighth day he shows up in is Yuzu’s to restore the barrier between the human and demon worlds. Even though some form of peace comes for humanity in both Amane’s and Naoya’s endings, Gin is noticeably absent. From what we know about Aya, she would’ve been content with either Amane’s or Naoya’s no kill endings. Aya loved the world, and was the type of person to find beauty in anything. Someone like that wouldn’t be averse to change. In fact, she might even welcome it.

But Gin is different. Gin never learned what Aya was really trying to teach him. Gin learned to appreciate the things about the Tokyo Aya fell in love with, but that’s not the point Aya was trying to make. Aya was trying to teach Gin how to appreciate the beauty in any situation. Aya would’ve wanted Gin to learn to find something to love in any world, but Gin couldn’t see the big picture. This is why he’s so obsessed with restoring Tokyo, and why he doesn’t show up in Amane’s or Naoya’s eighth days. Neither of these outcomes will bring Tokyo back to how it was.

The Tokyo that Aya loved wasn’t ruled by angels, nor was it one where humanity fought for its freedom. Aya would have found things to love about those worlds, but it isn’t the same world she fell in love with.

Granted, the outcome of Naoya’s no kill route meant that Tokyo was restored to normal, but there’s no way Gin would’ve sided with the overlord. Before Metatron conceded and moved the battle to heaven, the entire world was at risk of getting purged. Everyone else fought because they wanted to support Kazuya and take a stand for humanity. Gin isn’t that noble, though. For him, the biggest risk was that humanity will be purged or even worse, the war between angels and demons would destroy the world.

Gin’s highest priority is the preservation/restoration of Tokyo. He doesn’t actually care about saving others, he just wants the world to go back to how it was because he thinks that’s what Aya would’ve wanted. By the time Naoya’s eighth day rolls around, Gin has accepted that Aya is dead. He doesn’t want to restore Tokyo to get it ready for Aya’s return anymore, but he wants to do so as a final love letter to Aya.

I feel really bad for Gin because he had just started to break out of his shell, but losing Aya was more than he could bear. He really was trying to fix his old habits, but he got even worse once Aya disappeared. He becomes massively depressed, lost the will to live, and shut out the people in his life who really cared about him.

#oof this was a lot longer than i thought it would be #eiji kamiya #gin #devil survivor #desu #desu character analyses #desu rambles

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iamphella · 5 years

Text

The Difference A Year Makes

I almost titled this “the difference a tear makes” but that would’ve been corny and forced. Sometimes you just need to relax. But that other title would’ve been appropriate because there really are different types of tears and different levels of crying. I’ll explain.

About a year ago (spring 2018), I was in what I can now describe as the late stages of a dark period that seemed to have gone on forever. It began in the Fall of 2017, possibly before then, and got very ugly in the winter of 2017. I spent my New Year’s Eve in my bedroom by myself with such incredible brain fog and just pain and doubt and worry and wondering if it would ever end. It wasn’t pretty or fun and even putting myself in that place now as I write this makes me wanna stop writing, but let’s continue.

As I’m working my way through the haze in Spring of last year and trying to step back into the light, one of the things that helped me and gave me a shot of hope was this lengthy interview Charlamagne tha God did with Kanye West. I can’t remember everything in the interview, but there was a part where Kanye went into his mental and physical breakdown from 2016, an event that kind of threw me off for a second when it first occured. I was on some hilly sidewalk close to downtown LA when my mom called me and said “you heard Kanye West was rushed to the hospital?” I finished up what I was doing then got on my phone to get the details and while I was a bit worried, my faith which was still in tact at the time, didn’t let me worry much. I knew he’d be good because his story still had much more to come.

Back to last year and the interview. The interview came at a time when I was a crying machine (see attached photos). After a near decade-long drought of never feeling much of anything, I was feeling everything all at once and it just wouldn’t stop. For at least a month between April and May I cried at least once everyday. I felt alone and I was in pain and just wanted to know when and how it would be over. In his interview, Ye talked about how that episode led to him losing his confidence. He talked about how what led up to it was basically taking on too much. Being the person who has to be there for everyone, not sleeping or eating right, stressing, not fully healing from emotional traumas, the list goes on.

As Kanye told it to Charlamagne, you can see someone who once thought himself to be invincible who came face to face with his own mortality and how it can all really be over just like that. That was similar to what happened to me and I could completely relate. I was just going about my life, kind of feeling exhausted mentally and physically but still trying to be there for everyone and then the next thing you know, ambulance, hospital, mental and physical shutdown, wondering how you got there. Then months and months of isolation wondering how to get back to your old form or create a new one. Questioning everything about life as you knew it.

I fought tooth and nail for months to get the old me back. I wanted to erase the pain of everything that happened. Not just from the episode but dating as far back as my adolescent years. There was a lot of stuff I never really stopped to unpack. I had been carrying it with me for so long and with such a rigorous daily schedule, I never noticed that that’s what was weighing me down emotionally. I thought it was just the norm for me to feel so detached. Only while unpacking, did I see where a lot of my thoughts and feelings (or lack thereof) stemmed from. And I was doing all this unpacking, mental and physical rehabilitation, without the aid of any kind of therapist or doctor or any medication. That was another part of the interview that struck a chord. Kanye talked about how he wasn’t seeing a therapist and didn’t like taking medication because of how they made him feel (note: please see a therapist or doctor and take medication if you believe you need it. There’s absolutely no shame in it and it’s actually the wise thing to do if you need it.)

I was relying on some of my trusted methods to get me into feeling like an actual human again. God first. I prayed and prayed and prayed some more. Music. Any music that was positive or spiritual or soulful or had anything to do with pain and loss and love and life, I listened to on repeat. I couldn’t socialize or work, so the music was basically my only thing to do. That and watching sports. I meditated. I created a routine and stuck to it. Began using my social media apps a little more actively and cleaned up any kind of content that would trigger me or make me feel lesser because of what I was dealing with (there was a lot to clean up). I became comfortable with uncomfortable conversations and set boundaries for people around me. For the first time ever I also learned how to say no without feeling guilty.

Realizing that you mean a lot to a lot of people will reshape how you go about life. A lot of things suffered because of me not being myself. I came to the realization that it’s actually a selfless act to protect my well being so that I can be of service to the world like I was meant to be. We are all needed. Being in a prolonged “dark space” or being weakened mentally or physically causes a ripple effect on many more lives than we can imagine. It’s like a lightbulb that has a broken switch. You’re there but you’re not lighting the way for others to see clearer. You see them stumbling and kicking things and you know that you can easily help, but the switch needs to be fixed and needs to be protected from being broken again.

I don’t wanna make this any longer than it needs to be and I don’t like talking about myself for this long so I’ll start to bring it home. Almost all the books I read and the videos I watched during my healing always emphasized SERVICE. I remember Will Smith preaching the importance of service so I’ve always believed in it and I’ve basically spent my life serving. But I didn’t realize that the absence of serving was partly what caused my breakdown and what was keeping me there.

I needed to feel like I was of use to the world again. Needed to start doing things to positively affect others. Whether in my family, in my community, online, wherever there was a need. The more I did that, the stronger I became and the more my confidence began to restore. Parts of the old me that needed to come back were coming back, the parts that needed to be shed were shed and were making room for new habits and new ways of thinking and being.

This past Easter weekend was extremely powerful. night I had a haircut appointment set up with my friend and barber for about a decade when I’m home on the east coast. As I was rushing to get to his shop, I accidentally left my phone at home. Me 6 months ago wouldn’t even want to go to that barbershop. It’s at the mall, so many familiar faces who knew me before I got broken down by life. Why go there when I can go to any generic barber and get a decent cut? Me a year ago wouldn’t even go to the mailbox without my phone. What if my body shuts down on me again and I have an emergency? What if this? What if that? But Saturday night there was none of that. I was good. I was confident. I was....me. Went and kicked it with my guy, got a nice cut, went in the mall and then came home and watched some incredible basketball games. Hardly a worry in the world.

The next morning--Easter Sunday--I woke up early and starving. I shared Happy Easter greetings with my family and friends then headed to a brunch spot to get breakfast. Everything was so peaceful and serene. The girl at the bar taking my order didn’t seem to be in the best mood, but I didn’t let it change my vibration. I know she’s up early on a Holiday making drinks for people and taking food orders to make some money. Not being all smiles is definitely understandable. I spoke politely to her and tipped as best as I could then I left and returned thirty minutes later to grab the food.

Headed home and set up my battle station to watch Kanye West’s Sunday Service at Coachella. For the past year since the Charlamagne interview, I’ve watched Kanye slowly gain his confidence and his swagger back. From ranting at TMZ and in the Oval Office to selling sneakers at a Lemonade stand with his children for mental health awareness, to the weekly Sunday Services where he and friends and family gather to sing praises and dance. I’ve seen him skateboarding, go to Tokyo to hang out with his old friend Dave Chappelle, seen him stumble through his raps in the few live performances he has done (SNL and Camp Flog Gnaw). I’ve seen him basically just be human. I’ve seen him healing while simultaneously I was going through my own healing. I’ve seen try to be of service to people because that’s what we need to do to feel fulfilled.

The show starts. It’s everything you expect from a Kanye West show when all the chips are on the table. The fans were read; the curious folks were too. The doubters and the critics already began to build narratives and telling people what to think about an event yet to take place. But none of that mattered on this Sunday. When you’re called to serve, you’re called to served and that is your only mission. Everything else can be addressed later or never addressed at all.

The music was big and bright. The clothes were dull, I would assume by design. Almost like everyone there was covered up but naked at the same time. There was nothing to distract from the mission: to give praise for healing, for overcoming, for the strength and wisdom to navigate through trials and tribulations, both past and the ones to come. It was a bunch of creative people from all walks of life going to tell it on the mountain. There was no hierarchy. Everyone was on a level from the security guards to the Coachella attendees to Kim Kardashian to Kanye himself. The cameras never focused on any one person for longer than two minutes. This wasn’t to be watched. It was to be experienced. It wasn’t to be judged. It was to be partaken in.

And partake I did. As the huge blueberry pancakes and spinach omelette I just downed were settling in, my spirit was being lifted by the moment. Every sound was reminding me of how far I had come. Every person’s smiles and dance steps was contagious and made me smile and dance. And then came the one brief moment where the music stopped. Chance the Rapper had just flawlessly delivered his verse from Kanye West’s “Ultralight Beam” which was a moment in itself. Chano from 79th standing on a platform being proudly looked at by his Chicago idol. This is the stuff hip-hop dreams are made of. Chance steps down and DMX steps up. Yes, young Chance the Rapper who just recently came into fame in the last half a decade is being followed by legendary Earl Simmons at Coachella in 2019 and it doesn’t seem weird at all because we know why X is there. A video went viral three weeks prior of DMX delivering one of his signature prayers at Kanye’s Sunday Service gathering.

Now it was time for X to deliver on the big stage. Probably the first time in life where I saw DMX look a little bit nervous. He once was a headliner at Woodstock in front of a crowd of 200,000+ people so this wasn’t exactly new territory. But that was in 1999--two decades ago. Before he had to prematurely let go of the chokehold he once held on the rap game. That was before the memes of him breaking down crying on reality shows about his childhood, marital struggles and drug addiction. That didn’t matter on Sunday. DMX was there to perform a service and a sermon and he quickly shook off the nerves and did exactly that. My mom even called me later and said “that DMX needs to be given a church; he’s gifted.”

As X stepped down from the highest platform on the mountain and the choir and band were beginning to rev back up, the camera pans to Kanye West with his face buried in his hands crying unconsolably. I was already having an emotional and spiritual weekend and the Chance the Rapper portion was already making me feel all kinds of proud, just to be a child of hip-hop and just be alive. But then within seconds of seeing Kanye cry, and DMX and Kid Cudi-- two of the biggest survivors the music industry has ever seen--place hands on him to comfort him, the tears began to form in my eyes. Yes, it’s as cheesy as it sounds and I was really laughing at myself but I couldn’t stop it. Other choir members, men and women, were crying also. Everybody for their own personal reason that doesn’t need explanation.

My tears from a year ago were from pain and from confusion. My tears on Easter Sunday (also known as the day of Resurrection) were from triumph and clarity, and optimism and gratefulness. The people on that mountain had done it. I had done it. God, especially, has done it and will continue to do it. And that shift in perspective, and then in reality, is the difference that a year can make.

Peace and Love

#Life #Healing #Music #Easter Sunday #Coachella #Kanye West #Sunday Service #Service

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blucmoon · 3 years

Photo

━ ☾ ⊹ ( kim hyunjin, cis female , she/her ) say hello to SHIM YUNHEE, the TWENTY ONE YEAR OLD that seems to have a lot in his hands with HER job as a GAS STATION ASSISTANT! beyond that, they seemed RESPONSIBLE AND LOYAL upon first glance. i heard someone say they’re sort of SELF-DETACHED AND IMPATIENT though. SHE seems to live in a 3 BEDROOM HOUSE in YUNHWA, SOUTH KOREA. anything else to add? oh, yeah! she also USED TO BE A SOCCER PLAYER UNTIL SHE BROKE HER ANKLE MID-GAME AND WAS ADVICED TO NEVER PLAY AGAIN.

stats

⋆ ― full name: shim yunhee ⋆ ― nicknames: yuni / yunee (sounds like yun 2) ⋆ ― age: twenty one ⋆ ― date of birth: january 8th, 2000. ⋆ ― birthplace: yunhwa, south korea. ⋆ ― current location:yunhwa, south korea ⋆ ― living arrangements: hwesakgu, house #3021. ⋆ ― ethnicity: korean ⋆ ― nationality: korean ⋆ ― gender: cis female ⋆ ― pronouns: she / her ⋆ ― orientation: : ) ⋆ ― religion: atheist ⋆ ― occupation: assistant @ gangmoon gas station ⋆ ― language(s) spoken: korean (fluent), english (advanced level) ⋆ ― accent: heavy

physical appearance

⋆ ― faceclaim: loona’s kim hyunjin. ⋆ ― hair: naturally brown, has only dyed it twice in her life. once red for more than half a year when she was a freshman at college and now it’s currently dyed to black. lets it down most of the time without doing anything to it, much preferring it’s natural waves (even though there are many). still, her second go-to style are messy ponytails and buns, followed by half up-do’s. only when tries to exert a little more effort, she either curls it on straightens it completely. ⋆ ― makeup: minimal, only started wearing mascara and eyeliner in college and still has trouble to draw even lines in both eyes. other than that, she applies colored chapsticks in red and pink hues. ⋆ ― eye colour: brown. ⋆ ― gaze: dreamy and pensive, slightly strained, often expressing attentiveness, sardonic irony or melancholy. ⋆ ― height: 163cm / 5'4" ft ⋆ ― weight: 48kg ⋆ ― tattoos: none yet. ⋆ ― default expression: solemn, monotonous but often shows light amazement or full interest when having a conversation that piques her interest. showcases a polite half-smile in an attempt to come across as a trustworthy person, otherwise her gestures are timid and undemonstrative. ⋆ ― markings: scar large scar on her left ankle from a recent surgery, small scratches and some other bruises all over her legs and arms. ⋆ ― piercings: lobe and upper lobe on both ears. double helix on the right one. most of the time in yunhwa she’d cover them by letting her hair down and on those occasions where she feels like having it up in a ponytail or any updo, she only wears earrings on the standard lobe. silver and black jewelry pieces are the things she wears more often. ⋆ ― clothing style: ranges between casual and sport casual. jeans, shorts, graphic t-shirts, loose blouses, oversized sweaters are her go-to when her mother reproaches her about wearing leggings, joggers and sweatshirts too often. whenever she wants to look different and think more about what to wear, she asks yunmi for advice and will most likely go with whatever she tells her with minimal adjustments. she admittedly likes to wear flowy dresses in summer and skirts every now and then, but feminine clothing like that always makes her feel a little out of place and uncomfortable.

health

⋆ ― allergies: none ⋆ ― sleeping habits: 7-8 hours daily, throughout her life in college she developed the habit of waking up really early thus she’s considered a morning person. has more energy in the morning compared to the rest of the day and would often nap 20min-1hour in the afternoon. can easily fall asleep anywhere and most all the time, she sleeps on her side hugging something, which has been difficult to do so after the surgery. ⋆ ― eating habits: not a picky eater but a slow one. likes to take her time enjoying her meals and is usually the last one to finish her food. eats whatever presented to her and always up to try new dishes. has the habit of snacking between meals, though because of her previous strict regimen, her snacks were mostly fruits, vegetable and healthy snacks overall. now, she just eats whatever without caring about the calories count. ⋆ ― exercise habits: used to exercise daily on her own + the soccer practices. now, she has to go twice a week for physical therapy to a hospital in busan. ⋆ ― emotional stability: 6/10 ⋆ ― conditions: lesion - fractured ankle that required her to undergo surgery. ⋆ ― needs: glasses for reading, but wears contacts outside her home. currently wearing a walking boot / orthopedic shoe in her left foot thus she also uses crutches to walk around. however, this doesn’t apply much at home where she completely disregards the crutches and prefers skipping around with her healthy foot or carefully walking with the boot (though mindful of not applying too much weight on her left side.) ⋆ ― body temperature: average ⋆ ― drug use: none. ⋆ ― alcohol use: socially a handful of times in college, med-high tolerance.

family

⋆ ― father: shim junho ⋆ ― mother: jo minha ⋆ ― grandfather: shim changsook ⋆ ― grandmother: hwang moonhwa - deceased ⋆ ― sibling(s): shim yunhee (rooming with her) ⋆ ― pet(s): angora cat, mismatched eyes (deaf of one ear.) ⋆ ― social class: middle class ⋆ ― guardians: overbearing / absent ⋆ ― childhood: uneventful most times, popular in her soccer team

personality

⋆ ― label: the soiled dove ; someone who is sympathetic and full of hope. however, they can also be lost ⋆ ― positive traits: diligent, responsible, thoughtful, generous, creative, sensitive, kind hearted, honest, supportive, loyal, protective, calm (most of the time), polite, trustworthy, helpful. ⋆ ― negative traits: detached, distrustful, distant, stubborn, self-critical, impatient, conflict-averse, difficult to get to know, private, reserved, arrogant, fluctuating self-esteem, harsh, blunt, prideful. ⋆ ― hobbies: reading, playing video games, baking (just started learning how to), building/decorating things out of rusted or useless pieces from her grandfather’s garage or the station (of course, after asking if she can have them), talks to her cat sometimes (she’s convinced yuno understands everything she’s saying, she swears he even nodded once when she asked a question), people-watch, sitting by the beach and watch the sea for hours on end, used to climb over the roof to stargaze (misses this a lot). ⋆ ― habits: chewing the ends of pens, knuckle cracking, muttering under her breath when deep in thought/focused on something, talking to herself, snacking between meals, humming/singing to herself, hair twirling, gesturing while talking, tucking hair behind ears, peeling off bottle labels when anxious/worried, slouching, drumming fingers, rubbing the palm of her hand with her other thumb when nervous. ⋆ ― zodiac sign: sun capricorn, moon capricorn, rising libra ⋆ ― mbti: infp-t (he mediator) ⋆ ― subtype: ni (intuitive) ⋆ ― enneagram: 8w9 (the diplomat) ⋆ ― temperament: melancholic ⋆ ― threat level: moderate ⋆ ― approachability: amiable ⋆ ― anger: cold ⋆ ― hogwarts house: ravenclaw ⋆ ― moral alignment: chaotic neutral ⋆ ― primary vice: pride ⋆ ― primary virtue: diligence ⋆ ― preferred humor: stand up / wordplay / potentially offensive / absurd ⋆ ― type of drunk: happy / risk-taker (rare) / honest / sleepy ⋆ ― type of cry: reluctant / sniffle / unfazed ⋆ ― type of laugh: chuckle / huff / raucous (rare)

yunhee’s first impression is that of a calm person, gentle in her approach, even a little timid and soft spoken as she first introduces herself. however, these impressions can quickly change the more comfortable she feels around someone and, depending on the situation, she can be loud and blunt from the get go.

has a vibrant and creative way of thinking, something she’s sure she inherited directly from her grandparents. possesses a fine intuition and this has always allowed her to either establish meaningful connections or stay away from people that strike her as untrustworthy or dangerous.

heavily dislikes routine, monotony, stereotypes, conventionality, strict order, having to follow rules and regulations. she seeks new experiences and feels attracted to interesting and unusual people. this is a double-edged sword, however, for she can take unnecessary risks and be self-indulgent in certain vices for the sake of chasing thrills. can be really reckless and impulsive when feeling stuck and can take poor decisions because of this.

caring nature, the type to try to put others’ needs above her own and help her beloved ones through any situation that troubles them. she’d try to understand their true feelings and often gets protective of them. sensitive and attentive, she tries to maintain the relationships she builds and showcases tolerance to most flaws and weaknesses of others since she has trouble cutting off people that have exhausted her for she grows used to them.

externally she might seem serene or emotionless even, but in her heart she’s sentimentally predisposed, has bouts of moodiness and melancholy. regrets her mistakes and misfortunes for a long time due being able to recall experiences from the past down to the smallest detail. people can often perceive her to be emotionally blank or poker-faced, but when she’s challenged she can get very angry and passionate.

somewhat unsure in herself, she’s prone to doubt and hesitate in situations where she has to act decisively and doesn’t like to hurry. most likely will try to delay carrying out tasks and finding solutions to problems for an indefinite period of time. she will rarely ever promise something if she’s not able to keep it. on occasions, she knows how to patiently wait and adapt to any circumstances

yunhee will immediately shrink away from confrontations or at the very least try to not make them escalate, remaining quiet through them and hoping for them to be over soon. however, when injustice happens before her eyes, she’s not the type to stay quiet if the affected part does, stepping in if necessary (although with shaky hands, wavering resolution and immediate regrets). aggression and confrontation doesn’t sit well with her and she much prefers to do things her way, peacefully yet firmly.

background (tldr)

⋆ ― yunhee and yunmi are twins. ⋆ ― their parents are still very traditional and close-minded. also worked a lot and were really absent but were also overbearing, wanting certain paths for their daughters like studying medicine or something else. ⋆ ― its thanks to their grandparents that the twins can explore their interests and likes freely. ⋆ ― yunhee spent more time with their grandad, and he taught her a lot of useful things in order to be independent and solve problems on her own. he also taught her what he knows about cars and it’s something she easily absorbed and came to really love. ⋆ ― she used to love living in yunhwa but it soon becomes boring for her. there were a few exceptions to this like a city boy who used to visit and she’d spend all her days playing with him (until he stopped coming) or playing soccer with the other kids in her free time. ⋆ ― noticing this like of hers and how she started growing a little bored of it the more she played with the same kids, her grandfather helped her be part of an all girls soccer team in busan and he’d drive her there 3 times a week for practice. ⋆ ― ever since then she dreamed to become a professional player. ⋆ ― she was given a sports scholarship for a college in seoul, her parents were reluctant and they had to come to a compromise where yunhee would study accounting in exchange to be allowed to be part of the soccer team. ⋆ ― she thought she was leaving yunhwa for good. ⋆ ― yunhee then meets there her childhood friend, kitae, and after a couple of months they start dating (though they broke up in her junior year.) ⋆ ― in her senior year she got a really bad injury mid game and her ankle was fractured. it was so bad that she had to undergo surgery and the doctor advised her to never play again. ⋆ ― her parents used this chance to bring her back to yunhwa and that’s how she ended up there. she doesn’t go out though, the first months she spends them completely holed up in her room and only decided to go out a couple of days before the festival to welcome the new mayor (edited on feb 27). ⋆ ― however after a couple of months they demanded she got a job. which her grandpa helped her with and landed her one as one of the mechanic’s assistants. this is all because the owner owed him a favor. ⋆ ― she accepts right away, thinking she’d have the chance to help fixing cars but instead she’s asked to sort pieces, make inventory, help for the accounting or work the convenience store. the owner often says it’s because of her injury but she suspects it’s also because she’s a girl. ⋆ ― she’s supposed to go to physical therapy to recover and she allegedly does once every week, her dad or grandpa drive her to busan, drop her off and go to run some errands or do other stuff because she asked them to since she didn’t like the idea of them waiting. however, reality is that she didn’t want them to see her sneaking out to a nearby arcade where she spends the next 2 hours instead of attending therapy. this comes from her fear of never getting better or completely healed, so why trying in the first place right? ⋆ ― wears a walking boot / orthopaedical shoe and crutches in the present (sorry if i often repeat this while we plot or as i write, it’s important for her mobility and stuff)

background

born on january 8th at 12:06am, she’s yunmi’s twin with a difference of eleven minutes and thirty six seconds, something her sister rarely ever overlooks. hand in hand, two girls restlessly run around yunhwa while waving and cheerfully greeting every auntie and uncle they come across. named after the little town, the twins quickly made every street their playground and every building part of their imaginary kingdom. dog-shaped dragons were their pets and the adults who frowned upon them the evil-doers in their never ending fairy tale. at the end of every day, one last enemy remained, one that always tried to command them with “don’t run inside the house”, to control their minds with a “clean up your toys” and, lastly, with the most powerful spell they weren’t able to ever defeat: “time for bed”. mom.

growing up in yunhwa is initially fun, just how youth is supposed to be. full of laughter, getting easily marvelled by everything new and adoring the stories the elderly people eagerly shared with them. her early memories are mostly filled by these along with the ever comforting presence of her sister and grandparents, their parents busy making a living to provide for their little family.

as different as their birth times, one at the end of a day, the other at the beginning of the next one, the twins would grow up having contrasting interests thanks to the encouragement and support of their grandparents, something mom and dad would often frown upon.

while yunmi spent more time with their grandma, yunhee would do so with their grandpa. the old man, once one of the little town’s mechanics, always inculcated in yunhee the habit of being independent and learning to solve problems on her own. starting with childish riddles that would increase in difficulty as the girl grows up to changing a tire right when she turned fifteen, yunhee has always enjoyed the time spent with him and the lessons learned.

however, along the way, yunhwa became something yunhee knew well. a little too well. every corner, every pebble on the road, every stray dog… every little thing committed to her memory… and, eventually, she grew bored of the routines, the monotony, the same sights day after day.

there was a single exception though, and it was a boy that used to visit yunhwa. a boy a little too shy, a little too fearful and one that immediately made her feel protective towards him despite being a year older. days were spent playing together, her trying to bring him along to play with the other kids but never letting go of his hand whenever he reached for her.

she’d bid him goodbye when time came for them to go back home, and she’d rush to tell her family about the adventures they had. he made her days less boring, but at the same time, whenever he left yunhwa, it made everything fall back into the same tedious routine. this was a repetition each year, until he stopped coming altogether one day.

perhaps the first heartbreak she went through when waiting in their usual meet up place and he never arrived, but then she couldn’t blame him. yunhwa wasn’t a fun place to be in for too long.

another of the few things that were slightly different were the fun soccer matches she’d often have with the kids at her school. mixed teams were made in p.e. and only a handful of girls were part of it. yunhee immediately found joy in the sport, even asking to be part of the afterschool team that her grandfather coached as a hobby.

then again, monotony decided to befriend the sport she adored so much and it didn’t take her long to memorise exactly all of her teammates go-to moves and strategies when playing. she knew exactly when one of the boys would try to trick her into believing he’s going to kick the ball to the right only to kick to the left or how another would pour all of their energy into a sprint to get a headstart towards the goal.

her grandpa didn’t miss the way she’d sigh and stay on the bench, thus asking her what was wrong. not having the heart to lie to him, she told him how she felt and how boring and dull everything was. such words surprised the elder man for they were something an eleven years old shouldn’t be saying nor feeling.

so he talked to her parents, asking them to let her join an all-girls team in busan where he knew competitions and championships often happened. not liking the idea at all at first, they immediately refused, but upon noticing their usually cheerful girl skipping the games and spending her afternoons in her room, they reluctantly agreed.

it was one afternoon that he asked yunhee to accompany him somewhere, which much to her surprise, was busan. she thought it was nothing but a short trip, maybe one where they’d go to a big store of auto parts to stock up her father’s garage for his most recent project. she was excited anyway, always enjoying anything new.

what she didn’t expect was for him to drive her to soccer field where a bunch of girls her age were playing. yunhee immediately questioned him to which he simply replied “welcome to your new team.”

from that day, yunhee became part of a busan all-girls soccer team and her grandpa would drive her three times a week after school to practice. sometimes, her grandma and sister tagged along and she could hear them all cheering her up even if it was only a practice. games were the same, though her grandma made it her goal to make them all matching shirts with her name on it. it was thrilling, really, to be part of something like that and be able to do it outside of yunhwa.

her coach was a really nice woman and always pushed them to give their best on the field. one of the bigger lessons yunhee learned from her was to dream big. and so the girl did. at age fifteen, she had learnt about professional soccer teams scouting players that were part of varsity teams and from there, yunhee made it her goal to become a professional player and her every decision after that was headed in that direction.

she was good at it, too. fast and with a good intuition that allowed her to make calls that were not part of the initial strategy (which sometimes bothered her teammates), but this changed when she was appointed as the team’s captain for the last year before she was meant to go to college. that last year was crucial for her and the whole team, most of her teammates relied on the league’s results and the team’s performance for their future and so did yunhee.

with much effort and dedication, the team managed to won a really important league that granted her a sports scholarship in a renowned university to be part of the varsity team.

it came the time to make a decision on the career she was going to go for, endless possibilities laid in the brochure she was holding. yunhee was initially considering going for automotive or mechanical engineering, but she knew things were too good to be true the moment her parents sat her down to talk with her.

once again, they voiced their dislike for the decisions she was taking and tried to talk her out of being part of the soccer team and studying something so ‘masculine’. they masked this with concern about her getting hurt, but she could easily tell the whole idea just didn’t sit well with them and their traditional values. however, yunhee couldn’t be moved as it was all part of the plans she’s made for herself and stood her ground about her decisions. her mother threatened to not let her go and it was then that compromises had to be made. she was given the option to pick between dropping soccer altogether and study whatever she wants, or study what they think it’s better for her while still being able to play.

the decision was clear when she registered to major in accounting.

this doesn’t deter her from living her dreams and finally moving away from yunhwa when turning eighteen to seoul. the moment she boarded the plane, she made herself the promise to never look back with the sole intention to never return.

unexpectedly, she meets her childhood friend in a party thrown for the freshmen, the same guy that used to visit yunhwa when he was a kid. kitae. it’s surprising to find out he’s part of one of the sports teams (baseball) and it feels natural to pick up the friendship where they left off.

she’s known as one of the rookies to look forward to in the field and she goes above and beyond to get good grades in order to maintain the scholarship (and her parents off her back). yunhee invests herself a little too much in her studies and in soccer, saturating her schedule with practices and studying sessions to the point that she misses a lot of the college life as well as the city.

yunhee ignores this though, thinking that the way she was doing things was normal, only ever having another reference to this who was just as dedicated as she was.

she started dating kitae midway through the freshman year and all the way to her junior year before he unexpectedly broke up with her.

she’s admittedly not the same after this and yunhee starts to push herself to unimaginable limits only to keep herself busy. she started to double her training, even if most was done on her own, and her studies took up most of her night despite having to wake up before the sun came out.

then she turned twenty one, and this marked the beginning of the end: she was in her senior year, meaning that she’d graduate soon and, if she was lucky enough, some professional team would try to scout her for their team. she only had to deliver, win as many games and score as many goals as possible. twenty one was supposed to be the golden age where her dreams became plans and her plans turned into action.

but it wasn’t.

the team was set to have an important match with another school, both having a rivalry that’s gone for decades and it was clear that this match was of utmost importance for everyone. the students who knew her and her teammates, chanted every time they came across them and wished them good luck. the pressure was clear and tension lingered in the air.

the match started and for the first half, her team had a big lead against the opponent. there was energy running through their veins as they were in the locker room discussing their next strategy. yunhee, as the striker of the team, was excited to have scored two goals already and assist in another one. the whole team was confident and comfortable as the second kicked off.

as confident as they were, they failed to realise the other team was growing desperate and more aggressive in their defensive… at some point, yunhee got the ball and was set to score her third goal of the night… but a girl of the other team tried to stop her which resulted in a severe collision between them. pain is all yunhee feels as she falls onto the ground, a yell ripping through the field as she holds her ankle. the game is paused and the referee showing a red card on the other girl’s face is the last thing yunhee remembers before giving into the darkness

she wakes up to fluorescent lights and has to blink a couple of times. she has no recollection of what happened after she passed out and her parents briefly summarize all the events that came after. they told her she had to undergo surgery and that right now they’re waiting for the doctor. yunhee glances at her foot, propped up and the sight is not at all encouraging.

the doctor comes in to share some heartbreaking news, ones that she’s been expecting but it doesn’t make it any easier. she’s gotten her ankle fractured and even when the surgery was successful, she won’t be able to play soccer again. her hopes and aspirations shatter in that moment, watching the doctor leave and her parents share a complicit look that she doesn’t miss. she’s trying to process, trying to think when her mother says something she barely comprehends. yunhee asks her to repeat her words and when she does, anger is the first thing she feels though she conceals it

so she does, without much of a say and suddenly her whole life in seoul feels like a blurred dream. yunhee is back to her childhood room sharing it once again with yunmi and it all makes her feel like she’s regressed. like the last 4 years weren’t real. it’s a bittersweet sensation, the nostalgia always making her reminiscence fondly but the reality of what brought her back the town breaking her heart time and time again.

for the first month, she holes herself in her room and refuses to leave the house. even when they drive her to physical therapy, she finds ways to not go. either by sneaking to other places or waiting in the nearest bus stop until they picked her up again. it’s her little secret and she blatantly lies about her non-existent improvement. she’s good at it and they don’t push it.

however, her parents doesnt like that she’s her days away and even though she still has the boot and makes a million excuses to not do things, they demand she finds a job soon. preferably in the area she majored.

but she doesn’t listen, only complains to her grandfather who now lives with them and he immediately finds a solution. within two days, he comes back to tell her he got her a job at the gas station, the owner owing him a favor and paying it by hiring her. excitement sparkles in her eyes for a second and she notices how proud her grandpa is after sharing the news. always having a soft spot for the elder man, she accepts right away.

now she’s at the station but things don’t go as she expects it. the owner was reluctant to have her there for several reasons, and yunhee knew that one of them was because she was a girl and the other because she was still recovering. still, he honours the pact with her grandpa and keeps her around… only that she’s assigned to sort pieces, make inventory and help with the accounting.

things aren’t exactly perfect, and she’s not all that contented with the current situation, but being out of the house gives her a little purpose.

trivia

⋆ ― she’s really good with kids and when she was a teenager, she used to babysit in the afternoons when she didn’t have football practice. yunhee doesn’t question how or why kids also have an affinity for her, but she thinks it’s because of her grandfather being a casual coach of a small soccer team for years now. she helps him coach occasionally, especially on the weekends and shares strategies and tactics she learnt in college.

⋆ ― one of the few things she learned from her grandmother was baking and she’s actually decent at it, though she only bakes when she’s sad, stressed or angry. if she gives you a bag of cookies, something’s definitely wrong.

⋆ ― before she started playing soccer, one thing she got really into was reading, especially stories that took place in different countries, either fictional or real. she used to get home from school and read for the rest of the day. when her schedules got a little busier, she’d still try to sneak some reading in between activities. in the present, it’s not weird to see her carrying a book in her bag or hand and she enjoys going to the beach after work to read. her favorite genres are fantasy, romance, science fiction, suspense and thrillers, actions and adventures, crime and mystery basically everything that’s not horror.

⋆ ― their grandfather owned a 1967 ford mustang gt automatic yes, automatic. don’t @ me. that he used to drive around yunhwa with his wife. it was in this car where the twins learned to drive when they were 16 and it’s color is a beautiful teal, his wife’s favorite color. by the time the twins were 18, their grandpa decided to give the car to them. when they talked about their future plans of leaving yunhwa, he offered yunhee to take it to seoul to facilitate things, to which she excitedly agreed after getting her licence. however, after their grandma’s funeral and yunmi’s return, she decided to drive it back so yunmi could use it instead. after all, yunhee had it most of the times parked and rarely ever used it this has nothing to do with having a certain someone driving her around. now that yunhee is in yunhwa too, one thing she misses the most is driving it and has settled to the passenger seat while mimi’s the one behind the wheel.

⋆ ― there’s nothing yunhee wouldn’t do for yunmi. be it become her model, her guinea pig, a confident, a friend, someone to share secrets with, anything. yunhee would go above and beyond to ensure that yunmi is safe even if sometimes that doesn’t translate in the most appropriate ways (like absolutely loathing her exes). it might look like they hate each other by how they constantly banter, but behind all of that, there’s nothing but love.

⋆ ― in college, despite having the scholarship she wanted to make some money and managed to squeeze a job in between her schedules as a barista at a coffee shop within the campus. she saved every penny she made and the first thing she bought for herself was a nintendo switch. she still has it to this day and it pains her that the nearest place to buy physical games is busan. she still orders them online, but they take a little too long to arrive. she has some weird fixation to get physical copies over digital, don’t question her. in yunhwa she doesn’t use it as often, mostly at night before going to bed or on those dull and boring sundays.

⋆ ― she started making things with rusted pieces recently, exactly while she isolated herself when returning to yunhwa. one day she was at her grandpa’s garage and saw a pile of pieces he was going to throw away. yunhee asked if she could use them. from those things, she figured how to make some candle holders and decorated one of yunmi’s notebooks. she found fun in it and now is a regular hobby.

⋆ ― has an irrational fear of never recovering and as conflicting as it is, she’s been self-sabotaging by not attending ayn of the physical therapy appointments, instead sneaking into the arcade nearby to the hospital. update: she’s attending therapy now and they were able to remove the boot after a couple of months, now she doesn’t use neither boot or crutches and only has a slight limp.

⋆ ― she’s known the innkeeper since she was a little girl and the family trusts her enough to leave yunhee in her care. in the present, sira even keeps a room available for her whenever she doesn’t feel like staying home. yunhee calls it a home away from home so if you see her around the inn, that’s is why.

⋆ ― if you ask her what she wants to do with her life, she wouldn’t have an answer. she’s absolutely clueless and doesn’t dare to dream big anymore so she’s just living one day at a time. the only thing she’s sure about is leaving yunhwa and even that, she’s not that confident anymore.

goals

⋆ ― to forgive - yunhee feels it nestling within her heart. resentment that’s one step away from turning into hatred. she knows it’s not the other girl’s fault, the incident was all just a miscalculated movement. admittedly one that cost her the future she’s careful crafted for herself ever since young. one that pretty much forced her to return to the town she so desperately wants to run away from. somedays, revenge seems like a good idea and darker thoughts of how to get back at the girl that fractured her ankle slowly crawled into her mind and made it their home. however, she’s wiser and she’s been taught differently. yunhee wants to forgive the other girl. to forgive her parents for the lack of attention and the many things they’ve said in parental reproach. most importantly, she wants to forgive herself for the poor decisions she’s made. for relying so much in her talent and so little in a backup plan. for pushing herself to unimaginable limits. the process is not going to be easy, but at least she knows where to start.

⋆ ― to forget - yunhee thought, when leaving yunhwa for the very first time, that she’d never go back. she wouldn’t look back at the family she was leaving behind. it was easier that way. the girl didn’t have time nor need to dwell on what once was. she was fine living in the beautiful lie of her life being how it was meant to be. now, she’s back to the little town after kissing her life in seoul goodbye. for the first time, she allows herself to crane her neck and reminisce as she looks at the sea. the waves, the wind and the seagulls being the piano, the cello and the drums of her own personal orchestra as her eyes settle on the sunset. a beautiful view, one the city failed to provide.

there’s a weird sense of nostalgia, but not one she’s fond of. within her longing of the supposedly better life she was living comes the realisation that maybe things weren’t as fantastic as she once thought. something akin to sadness invades her when remembering a certain city boy. one that made every hardship more bearable. one that didn’t fail to present her with little secretive moments amidst the chaotic schedules they both had. she wonders, silently, where he is and what he’s doing.

a heartbeat later, she makes up the resolution to forget. to stop clinging onto the lingering hope that maybe, just maybe one day she’d be able to return as if nothing ever happened. to forget that one day she almost tasted glory and her dreams were within hand’s reach. that she once loved someone so deeply, so selflessly. to forget how he made her feel under his gaze and how she wanted nothing but his well being. how, instead of being self-centred as usual, she’d tried and tried to put his priorities before hers. how it was the first time she’s ever felt that way about anyone.

she’s going to forget it all for the heartbreak she brought upon herself will do nothing but stop her otherwise.

⋆ ― to live - it’s a simple reasoning, one her grandfather always reminds her of. “you need to live for yourself and no one else.” these words stay with her throughout her whole life, they’re a reassuring motto and what often keeps her going. she’s come to compromise with her parents in order to be able to achieve major dreams. still, being given a second chance, a start over, yunhee is not going to let it go to waste. the only problem arises when trying to figure out what’s next. what’s the next big step in shim yunhee’s scheme? no one, not even herself knows, but the little gas station her grandfather used to run is certainly a good way to start figuring it out.

extra

yunhee knows what to expect the moment the doctor enters her room. she can tell by the way he’s frowning at the files in his hands or how he’s going above and beyond to avoid her inquisitive eyes. it’s obvious in the beads of sweat he’s trying to conceal and the abnormally tense smile he’s flashing to her mother.

he briefs her parents on how the surgery went. the girl is only able to understand bits and pieces of all the technical information and she’s not even sure her parents comprehend either despite the attention they’re giving him. they’re just waiting for the inevitable and so is she.

finally, he looks at her, meets her eyes and it makes her wish he didn’t.

“yunhee, the surgery was successful and you’ll regain mobility with proper therapy.”

no, don’t say it.

“but you won’t be able to play soccer again, sorry.”

her heart drops and so all her dreams for the future with it. she’s heard of situations like hers before, they kind of what make up any player’s worst nightmares. for her, they were nothing but far fetched tales. she’d be absurdly unlucky to have her career ruined by something like that.

yet, there she was, watching the doctor leave the room and smile at a nurse as if the information he’d just given her didn’t absolutely shatter her whole world. she’s incredulous, hoping she misheard, hoping it was all a nightmare when her mother breaks the silence.

yunhee looks at her, trying to make sense of the words she’s saying so easily. her parents didn’t waste a second, didn’t give her time to properly process what’s happening while pushing her into something she knows she has no say in. she sees the poorly hidden relief in their faces, her parents have always been painfully transparent.

“what did you just say?” yunhee asks with a frown.

“you’re moving back to yunhwa with us.”

#INFO.TXT #YUNHEE.EXE #LOC.YUNHWA

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