#that’s honestly rly painful and i think everyone should have at least that happiness

[saetoru]

hope you guys break up tbh lool

u have a very cruel heart tbh

[emptybrainstuff]

Why is it that you don't date anyone anymore? Do you have a specific problem with that?

Yeah, i think. No, i know

What is it?

I would rather not say, don't you think everyone are subject to having some things to themselves? I think this is my little secret, something i don't want anyone to know. Not because I'm embarrassed but i just feel like it would be tainted or something if others knew. I want it to be something just between us, me and the person it concerns.

So, you're heartbroken?

Well to be straightforward, yes, I'm heartbroken. I don't think ik how to deal with it, it'll be my own little secret.

Will you reveal it to the concerned person though?

I don't have the guts to do that. Don't you think i would have done it long ago? When i actually could have? When they would have listened? Maybe a part of the reason that i was scared that they would actually listen. Ik i should regret not telling them but i can't bring myself to, just like how i can't, even now.

Have you found a remedy for your broken heart?

Nope, not yet. Every broken heart has its own remedy, its own solution, a unique one at that. For some ppl it's someone, for others it's something and for the other few, it's a dream. Yk ig people seek out the solution actually, for their own betterment and happiness, maybe most people do. Isn't that what life is? Human beings and their wants, their needs. And they spend the rest of their lives chasing to find the solution, a piece to solve the puzzle and salve their heart. I do too. My dreams. But that's not the cause of this broken heart.

Then?

A person. Or maybe i think it's actually my own actions. I rly dk. But yeah, a person.

So? Why don't you go and find your own solution?

You see... The thing is, i don't want to. I don't want to find the solution. Ik it sounds vaguely self-destructive but i don't want to. At least not now and maybe not for a long time... I think because in the subconscious or conscious whatever, i rly want the person to come back and maybe they are the only solution to ever exist for the mortifying pain. I don't think I'd want another solution even if it exists.

Honestly? I feel right at home with the mortifying pain. Am i a masochist?

idk but i don't think it matters.

Comfort. Isn't that what everyone wants? Comfort. Absence of the necessity to feel not judged. Because you know you won't be judged. That's what comfort is. The mortifying ordeal of being known. It's part scary and part exhilarating. It's a weird combination which makes you feel wonderful. Maybe that's what everyone wants. To feel special. To belong.

And this pain? The trickle of blood from the jagged edges where the pieces of my heart had been ripped out? Makes me feel.... Special. Wanted. Unique. Unjudged. It's stupid rly. To get addicted to pain. I can understand if it's another's pain. But your own? That's even sicker. Well, doesn't love make us sick?

It feels horribly wrong for someone else to fill that gaping wound instead of them. Not her soft hand closing the jagged wounds. But rather unfamiliar fingers touching the blood. It feels uncomfortable to even think abt it. Showing my heart to someone? That's easy, the whole, unbroken, full heart. This wretched thing held captive by my ribs? I can't show this to anyone. It's beautifully corrupted. By the hands i want around my neck. To corrupt me indeed, body and soul, mind and heart, skin and flesh. To be corrupted to the point where i can feel nothing but her warm breath, to hear nothing but her singing voice, to see nothing but her smile, to want nothing but her presence. Maybe, if I'm lucky, if truly fate is in its work, i would have the privilege to show her the art, that is my heart, she begot. But like i mentioned, i do not want to find the solution.

Why do you think i suffer alongside my heart with the memories once created? That stay in a place so so so close to reality that i think i might.. might as well go mad? Mad with love. Mad with hate. Mad with the memories my lonely mind created in solitude when you deserted us? Sorry.... when she deserted us. I suffer and suffer more not because of her but because of myself. The constant remembrance of words she bared which lay imprinted on the veins of my heart looks upon the liquid which was once considered precious flowing now with all its use drained from it. I read the same messages again and again hoping that i would find more reasons i could convince my hopeless heart about our love. I rethink all of the moments we spent together analysing what i could have said, what i should have said instead. Maybe then she'd come back.... As if she ever will. It's pathetic really. How i hope she'd return. What could i have said? What could i have done to make her stay, to want her to be by my side. At least to talk to me, talk with me. But what's the point of rethinking all of this when you know that she isn't gonna come back? But i do anyway.

I am just so so tired. I actually don't think I've spent even a single day without thinking about her. It's been more than six entire months. We used to not be able to stop talking to each other even for a day and look where we are now. More than a year. I thought, i really thought i meant more than that.

Don't you think if someone really wants something, they'd work for it? If you really want something, shouldn't you atleast try to make it work? It's cowardly to leave and escape the moment things turn a little bit sour. If it had been me, i would have worked for it, hard. Begged to try and make it work. Cause it was how much she meant to me, our friendship meant to me. It's pathetic tbh, how she was my everything and i didn't matter much after all. But- but how? Even if i mattered less, how was it so easy to just throw me away? Yk what maybe it's actually me. Maybe it's my fault that i would have tried to make it work no matter what. I'm glad, rly happy that she wanted to be better though. Maybe i shld learn how to do that. But what can I do when she is the one who made me better? Made me happy and satisfied and content even when everything was falling apart? It's stupid, it's stupid how much i crave her and that too not even physically but emotionally and mentally. I should have tried better. But I'm angry too. And I'm scared that the dam will one day burst open and spill all that anger at the worst time possible. So i bite tongue and push the words deep into my throat to keep it from spilling out. No matter what, I'll try, atleast try to keep that from happening again.

[bivwifeybunny]

no i literally swear you always know what to do and say about everything. like you just know the right thing to say every time. i just have a lot going on and was having a mini breakdown LOL. yk how there’s a lot of pressure to keep pushing stuff out on here and stuff like that, im just so overwhelmed w it. bc ik you get it like wanting to write and blah blah but just not being able to (whether it’s literally or motivation related). i’m okay tho i think i just need to like take the time to work on asks and stuff ?? idk 😭

and thank you for your reassuring words about the whole friend situation thingy :(( i rly appreciate it

i miss you sm 😩. i hope ur awake rn so we can chat bc i feel like we barely have this week. hru doing today??

also my scalp is 10x worse now 😭. idk what to do anymore bc everything i’ve tried hasn’t been working. it kept me up all night last night bc it’s so painful </3

jeez you sound busy!! and i didn’t know you could sing ?!?! that’s so cool ??? i’d love to hear one day 😋. also what kinda food and shoes did you get??

sorry this is so long LOL

omg no ur too kind🥹 but i totally get that, especially since ive been struggling with it too. im a huge procrastinator on top of not even having any motivation and i have some asks sitting in my inbox from 2 months ago 😭😭😭 like the pressure to get stuff out and make everyone happy is always there, even when I tell myself that I need a break before i end up burning myself out. i would say to definitely take your time in working on asks and stuff, like go at your own pace, even if it's a slow one. ik for a fact the pressure won't go away but if you slowly work on it you can at least tell yourself that you're doing something, and that this way what you put out is gonna be great because you took your time on it :)

i missed you too!! good thing I am awake to talk to you :)) i'm doing pretty good I had an amazing good and bad dream last night with wilbur in it hehe :) hbu? how are you doing today?

im so sorry to hear that, baby :(( i wish i could give you a hug or do something about the pain :( but i honestly don't know what to do, cause i got burned when i was like 7 and my tia was the one to help me with that, but i would say maybe you could try going to the doctor? because it doesn't seem like it should be hurting this long after it happened, especially from just a sunburn, but again idk im not a doctor lol, maybe they're give you something for it tho?

lol yeah I can i just dk if it's necessarily good lmao, ill be sure to sing specifically for you one day maybe even soon but definitely when i meet you :)) anyways yesterday we got subway :D and i got some new balance shoes and they're purple (my fav color) and very cool looking and now me and my mom have a pair of matching shoes lol cause when she bought hers i thought they looked cool and wanted some so she bought em for me :)

and don't apologize i love getting long asks from u <33

[movedkagen]

NATSUO TODOROKI  STUDY  /  MASTERPOST .

This is also mostly ripped from discord so if it’s choppy that’s why ---

TRIGGER WARNINGS : DOMESTIC ABUSE, CHILD ABUSE, LOSS OF A SIBLING, ANGER ISSUES, BODY PERCEPTION ISSUES.

Natsuo is loyal.  Literally he loves his family so much. like between natsuo and fuyumi, fuyumi has the stronger quirk 100%. Natsuo HAS an ice quirk but he can only freeze things that fit into the palm of his hand...so all he does is make the cola nice and cold before his siblings drink it.

So Natsuo wants to be a family practice doctor and he wants to do outreach work. Pretty much his coping mechanism with being ignored and hating being home is he threw himself really hard into studies, and just did his HW all night in his room. To tune out the yelling anf the negligence. He got good enough grades where he got into University of Tokyo which is good but like basically he almost didn't go bc like. 

his relationship w enji is nonexistent. He was an immediate failure in his eyes, he literally SAID enji didn't look him in the eye ever until recently....he never rly saw him or hung around him. and then like. by the time touya was starting to rly get shit / by the time he was "dead" and shouto got burned and rei got sent away natsuo was only five or so. So to Natsuo? enji was just the guy who lived in his house and ruined his life basically. he hated him. he didn't love him at all. He’s hated him since he was a small child. NATSUO WILL NEVER FORGIVE ENJI AND HAS NO DESIRE TO.

Me and Inad have discussed it but  because  fuyumi is the only girl, Natsuo is the true middle child. The one who was never looked at or spoken to by Enji. And FUCK ENDEAVOR STANS for saying otherwise, but natsuo ISN’T “the only child who wasn’t abused” or the one who “should be the least angry”. Negligence IS child abuse. 

As a kid, Natsuo had a stutter. He acted like a baby for a long time. He was also chubby as a kid -- ate a lot to cope. He was always bigger than Touya, and it continues into adulthood --- Natsuo is now. thick / buff. He was a chubby kid growing up, but now he works out and has muscle however he still also stress eats bc premed is hard and gains like 15 pounds during the school year, then loses it during breaks. it's just the way his body is. This is relevant because Natsuo does have extremely low self esteem -- he thinks he’s very plain looking, that his body is big and awkward and ugly (I have him as growing to be 6′6″ at his full height, taller than Enji), and it all stems from Enji’s negligence. At his core, because of his father, Natsuo believes there is absolutely nothing special about him and that physically and personally he is a worthless person.

Natsuo has anger issues unfortunately (as we’ve seen) but does judo to let it out. tbh he storms out of the house a lot because he doesn’t want fuyumi to see him fucking lose it.

me and inad discussed this but but natsuo HAS put a hole in the wall before and Like he was maybe 15 when that happened. it scared the shit out of fuyumi and he felt so upset he literally like. ran away for two days and when he came back he cried rly hard and promised she would never see him lose his temper like that again, so he storms out so she doesn't see him angry.  It was the summer before he started high school and as soon as he got into high school he started getting into judo and joined the club for it and that's been his outlet ever since. And whenever he storms out of the house it’s to go do that.  He's ashamed of reminding her of endeavor somehow. he knows he’s got enji’s hairstyle and body type, and that contributes to why he hates his appearance so much.

The reason he never brings his S/O around his house is honestly that... he doesn’t like himself when he’s home. ppl love 2 say natsuo has the least right to be mad because enji didn't "abuse him" but don't realize negligence is abuse. it's literally classified as abuse. he was literally born thinking his dad felt he was a disappointment to the point where he didn't talk to him or let him talk to his youngest brother and it HAS an effect on him. natsuo has a lot of self perception issues, he thinks he's ugly and he panics if he doesn't do things perfectly in school and just. is very easily made to feel inferior and puts himself down. he doesn't consider himself special at all. He believes he lacks intrinsic worth as a human being.

Natsuo only went to college after his sister told him to go and do what he wanted to do…I promise you he was going to not go at all and was going to stay home with her until she told him she wanted him to go. BECAUSE natsuo doesn't rly consider enji a member of the family at all, natsuo has this goofy lil quirk where he thinks he's the "man of the house" even tho he asks fuyumi for help with basic things!!! most of the time it's funny but it's honestly just him being protective of her. And natsuo does cope with some perceptions of toxic masculinity --- he’s NOT abusive at all himself, but he’s goofy in the sense that he thinks he has to be the New man of the house, has to take care of his sister, has to never cry or show weakness, all because he’s male.

ENJI TAKES NO PART IN PAYING FOR NATSUO’S TUITION. He doesn’t even agree to go until Fuyumi insists she will use her own money to pay for it, and Natsuo works and studies because he wants to pay her back for every cent someday. Endeavor DOES NOT EVEN KNOW natsuo’s current address or which exact school he attends. natsuo wants it that way, but it’s also important to note that Enji never bothered asking.

Honestly Natsuo and Fuyumi probably argue a lot about endeavor, But that’s okay because they still love each other. Natsuo knows fuyumi puts everyone above herself and rly wants her to be happy, which is why.......frankly.....he’s glad kenta barreled into their lives. Because he’s like this is something Just For Her and I hope she likes him and it works out.

continuing on natsuo hates heroes and he hates his dad and frankly if he had a strong enough quirk he would have probably become like dabi. he really would have and he truly hates endeavor that much.

sb: so u agree with stain? natsuo: idk i just want someone to kill my dad.

Natsuo doesn't forgive endeavor, doesn't fuck with him, and blames him for everything that went wrong in his family. He honestly wants him to die! and he HATES the hero industry bc a literal monster like his father is praised and rewarded and they HELPED COVER UP TOUYA'S DEATH!!!!

and like with natsuo + touya.... time for pain. “Touya told me everything” / “I still hear his voice constantly” ... i think about those quotes always every time i think of natsuo. natsuo was the closest with touya and I truly believe that. He loved him more than anything . He really loved touya so much and he never got over losing him. 

kinda like inad hcs fuyumi saw shouto in the kitchen, i think natsuo saw touya last bc the way he describes touya telling him.... natsuo is shaking when he says it like. That shit traumatized him. And he’s just so angry. He did not leave touya. They had to PRY NATSUO OFF OF HIM. Because natsuo is loyal. 

like me and inad hc that fuyumi wouldn’t tell Natsuo where rei was for years because she knew even at 9 years old, he would have snuck on a bus to see her. Natsuo is so loyal to his family he loves them so much. He would have done anything for them. He wouldn’t have left Touya. He wouldn't have let touya go without him there. Not anywhere he couldn’t follow. Not even as a child.

and natsuo would NEVER be able to juxtapose that dabi isn't touya. I think the first time he saw Touya he would know but it wouldn’t be like. An instant look. He’s probably seen clips of some of the shit he’s done on tape and it’s always given him this unsettling feeling. But then he looks in his eyes...and he knows his eyes.

I always picture it like Natsuo forgetting however dangerous the surrounding is and chasing after him, he doesn’t even know why he’s running; he knows he wouldn’t stand a chance against him. But he sounds like a child again when he says “Touya?”. He sounds like the annoying, chubby little brother that followed him everywhere. And yeah, he would simply need that confirmation that Touya is alive to take his side because he knows more than fuyumi did. Simply seeing him alive again, and I think he’d know EXACTLY what Dabi wanted to do with Enji.

Dabi trying to scare Natsuo and Natsuo just “Touya cut it out talk to me” / “Touya I’m on your side” and it’s because Natsuo could never EVER see Dabi as a monster once he knows it’s Touya.  I don’t think he could ever feel fear based simply on the fact that he loved him that much. Touya was his favorite sibling he followed him around like a puppy and copied everything he did. 

Touya is the sibling he was closest to and i think the same in reverse since Natsuo is the one Touya vented to. I think fuyumi was probably really shocked when they were kids and Natsuo would suddenly say he hated enji. that he wished he was dead. She’d gasp and be like "Natsuo!"

But he’s HATED HIS GUTS since he was a little kid. He didn’t grow to resent him either. He basically didn’t care about him/was afraid of him when he was super super young, but the moment touya’s quirk didn’t work out and he was like what, 7-10? I’d say like 7 or 8 when shit started just Not Working. Natsuo was probably 4 or 5 when his own quirk manifested and was weak. Had this initial “why doesn’t dad like me” phase, but Touya just told him once something endeavor did to him or why his skin is starting to scar, and Natsuo instantly went from fear to hate. There was no build he simply hated him from that moment on. That’s how loyal he is!

He said he hated endeavor for the first time when he was five, but anyway i think a lot abt how natsuo like.... has the least ties w them all. That's why I say he’s a true middle child because he doesn’t have anything he’s good at that binds him to the family or makes him especially important to anyone. Like...he CARES about and loves shouto of course but i think if fuyumi weren't there natsuo wouldnt be in the picture at all. He just wouldn’t talk to them. Especially before he started talking to shouto? Absolutely. After now that he talks to him he would definitely stay to hang around him but before?

unfortunately because enji KEPT SHOUTO AWAY FROM THEM i think about how natsuo probably had what inasa felt where he saw shouto's eyes and saw endeavor and like. kept up that distance because of the trauma (tm) and i think when shouto got some friends and got out the house he tried talking to natsuo and natsuo was like "wait...me? you're...talking to me?" and like as soon as shouto started trying to talk to him he was rly receptive and was like shit i have 15 yrs of info to catch up on. 

but i rly think that's their relationship bc he literally didn't even know what kinda food shouto liked until now?? but he loves himand has become instantly very protective of him and once again things that because he’s the big brother he HAS to teach him things and be his “positive figure” and frankly I think shouto feels a little thrill whenever natsuo openly shittalks their father because out of all of them natsuo IS the one who hates him the most openly.

[whydoishipthemsomuch]

wtf destiel

so my dw mutual was talking to her mutual and I just saw her post “well our ship has been going on for 56yrs without confirmation,so congratulations” and I was like...so sth in another fandom got canon faster than toschei, sure, no biggie.

And THEN I found out it was from SPN and it was DESTIEL???I was SHOOK cuz everyone was like DESTIEL IS CANON NOW and scared cuz people were also like it’s homophobic!!!

AND I saw it...and frankly...I just feel dead inside,...to be clear, I was never a SPN fangirl myself,sure, I dabbled a bit of destiel,but I dropped out,so seeing this from not-a-fangirl-anymore angle,it pains me because if I had been the teenage fangirl years ago...I may have eaten this up and cried DESTIEL IS CANON when...it’s just Castiel saying I love you to Dean.And it wasn’t even specified as a human romantic kind of love,it was this angel who literally isn’t confined to human emotions,saying I care for you and you changed me...honestly without the what I can’t have~part,it sounds like a typical queer baiting dialogue that SPN writers would stir up,so it doesn’t feel real or special.(I am not saying you can’t interpret it as romantic text or other kind of love is any less,I am just saying from declaring it is “canon” perspective)

Now, there are several issues I see.

First, I understand people will say that if that monologue had been a girl,then even if it was not specified as a romantic love we still would have seen it that way, and I sorta agree. I agree that we may have seen it that way(don’t we kinda say a het ship is canon when they both show/confess romantic love for each other or start dating??so how is this one-sided confession canon anyway),but more importantly, the writers of this show would have at least given them a kiss(not even lips,maybe just a peck or even a hug,whatever,Dean would at least shruggedly do it),to show it after the monologue,they would have never just give them a monologue and feel happy to die.

And the lack of any positive reciporcation from Dean (even if it’s just derived from frienship)is rly showing ,Dean’s emotion is purely restrained in shocked and confusion(which is deliberately stated in the script and may as well be why a lot of us feel like the scene was...weird) and then to further exterminate any possibility of positive response they just kill off Castiel.Which we all know...is just BURY THE GAY TM...trope.

What I see is that the writers wanted to give their farewell gift to the fans and fandom by doing this confession scene but they also just won’t give Dean any opportunity to be not straight so...they just did whatever this is.And it annoys me so much as a fangirl who lived thru the whole superwholock,hannibal,merlin fandom years cuz we see the show makers time after time just...queerbaiting the hell out of a show,make fun of the fangirls,and thinking throwing a bone for us will suffice to make us support the show.(I am not saying all the shows I mentioned did this ,I am just saying shows from that particular era,,,had the problem)

What I also find offensive (disclaimer first: I have not been catching up the recent seasons)that even if they bring Castiel back later bc they always die and comeback(although the possibility is very small as I’m told),a death scene and a monologue before death is and should be very contributive to the character arc,NOW I don’t know about what they have talked about happiness before this scene...but to me..it just looks like they added the whole “happiness is just saying” to avoid having to give Cas Dean’s reciprocation while giving him a happy ending(or happy death).To no-homo their way out of this confession.And to use a character’s death to service fans,fail and also mess with the character arc unnecessarily?That’s just not respecting the character.

this is just some tired of queerbaiting fangirl rant and I am sorry if I misunderstood any of the context, thx for reading

[marshmallowprotection]

Hey, I'm the anon from almost one month ago. You know, the girl who asked for help about my abusive boyfriend. I've spent some time at the hospital and I got home recently. I'm still surrounded by my family and friends, and I'm under therapy rn. I wanted to thank you so much for your help. I think that without you, I would never have been able to leave him ; or maybe he would have killed me, who knows. Some time after he tried to sneak into my house with a knife, so rly, who knows.

I don't think I will ever get to right or the chance to love again you know. I don't think I deserve it nor I'm not ready to trust someone again. But you know, at least I'm grateful to be alive, safe and sound. I played again V's route and his after ending. It felt weird and I've been crying so much you know. I get it know. His situation and mine were alike. I've come to love him so much ever since. As a victim of abuse myself however, I don't get

"why everyone dislike the forgive ending. Sure, Rika needed judgement and stuff, but as a victim, I would prefer to be sure that my abuser understood the wrong they've done, rather than getting them awfully punished. Ofc Judge Ending was badly written but if I had to choose, I would forgive Rika. I don't think that revenge and hatred can lead us to the path of happiness you know."

TW: Abuse

I’ve been thinking about you, Anon! I’m happy that you popped back to let me know how you were doing. I was hoping that things were much better than they were when we last spoke. I’m happy that you got out when you did. There is no telling what could or couldn’t have happened. So, you did the right thing and I hope you tell yourself that daily. 

You did the right thing, and you did never did anything wrong. You were never in the wrong. All you did was love someone and that person abused that trust you had in them and hurt you. I’m happy you have your support system, and I hope with time and therapy, you learn that you can love yourself again. You deserve to be treated with love and respect, darling. Everyone does. Nobody deserves to be mistreated. 

You are worthy of love. It will take some time for you to learn how to love yourself again but you will get there. V did. I know that you can too. You have people that care about you and love you. I think of you as well. I hope that you can continue to grow in therapy and find yourself again. You are worthy of love and compassion. Your therapist and family will remind you of this over and over again. 

It’ll take some time to get into your head, but I know you’ll get there. I know you can. I understand loving a character so much because you see yourself and your plight in them. That’s why I love Saeran so much. I see myself in his pains and I love him as I’d want someone to love me. I hope that you can keep that love close to yourself and continue to grow with it. 

It’s special and I hope you remember that. Just as you should remind yourself that you are special and that you are a good person.

Don’t thank me like that, though, I’m merely the one that helped you flesh out your thoughts. You could have come to this conclusion without me to help you get there. But, thank you for letting me confirm your thoughts and help you get the help you needed. 

You’re the one that saved yourself that day from abuse, not me. You’re the one that should be commended as brave and strong because you are. You saw what you were dealing with and you decided enough was enough. You saved yourself and you should never forget that. You are strong, brave, and kind. You deserve the world. 

Here’s the thing with the two endings for V’s after ending because it will forever be fraught with a lot of controversies. The game sort of makes you feel ashamed for not forgiving Rika in the judgment ending. 

A lot of the dialogue choices and the game itself sort of guilt you for not forgiving her actions. I’m glad that neither ending keeps the Choi Boys from reuniting or stops V and the MC from being together happily, but there is a strong sense of discomfort among all of the members if you do not “forgive” Rika. Like, the forgiveness ending is where V and MC have a child together, are married, and are seemingly living in bliss, the Choi Boys can live without fear of their father, and the other members seem happy. 

The Judgement ending has you together with V, not married, just living together and moving on but something feels a little off, the RFA members are disjointed in a way. Yoosung concluding that Rika did what she did because he happened to glance at a book for mental health as some sort of excuse for her actions is not an okay thing. I could extend more but there’s a lot in that ending that does not sit well with a lot of people. The other members unhappy, and there is a sense of guilt over Rika and what happened. 

Like, there is this sense that you have to forgive Rika to be happy, and for the others to be happy, and for you to achieve a really happy ending. That does not sit well with some people, myself included. 

But, here’s the thing, as we, victims of abuse are, we have the right to choose if we forgive the person that hurt us or if we never fucking forgive them. 

I choose not to forgive those that have hurt me the way they have. That does not make me a bad person. It just personally won’t help me in my journey for mental health and that’s how it works for me. 

Just as your choice to forgive someone does not make you a bad person. It is what works for you and how you feel. Your feelings are just as valid as anyone else’s. 

If you choose to forgive someone, that is your right. If it helps you on your personal health journey, then I say, forgive. If it helps you feel a weight come from your chest and helps you grow and become lighter and feel better about what happened, and like things can get better for yourself and perhaps for the abuser to learn to not make mistakes again, or that they are punished and see for themselves that they did wrong, etc. It is a personal journey and one that you can choose for yourself. 

It’s up to the RFA to choose if they forgive her, those that she hurt, ourselves included. The endings were written in a way that we can see what the intention was, like, forgiveness is good for the soul, but it could have been handled much better, honestly. She needed to be punished. She knows what she did wrong. I feel for Rika sometimes and I do wish that she can one day get better for her own sake but for her to get better, she needs to never speak to or see the RFA ever again. It’s for her health and everyone else’s. 

There’s just no fixing those relationships for her in any way. I don’t see any way it could be fixed. 

I understand that she was hurt and I know that wasn’t right, but she did wrong too, and she knew that. Mental illness =/= not an excuse for wrongdoing to be used as a scapegoat. It’s a lot winded way of saying that I have a lot of strong feelings about Rika, haha. I could keep babbling but you guys know that I don’t like discourse. I feel like it’s hard for me to talk about it in a concise manner. 

I’m just saying, if you feel like it felt right to you to forgive Rika to move on with everything, that’s okay. Just understand that some people do not forgive those that hurt them too. It’s not done out of any ill will, it just isn’t very viable for some people to forgive. 

It’s a personal choice. 

Don’t feel bad for feeling differently than other people, just understand where they’re coming from. Well, the good-intentioned people who say why they don’t like that ending, not the ones that will make a fuss over things and insult you for wanting to forgive. 

Forgiveness is a choice that we all make, but we should never be shamed for what we choose. 

[minecraftoworymode]

picked a whole bouquet of whoopsie-daisies the other day reading some Very badfeel content so to cheer myself up here’s some super self-indulgent ramblings about romeo recovery post-s2

“YOU CAN DANCE IF YOU WANT TO YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR INTERNALIZED MISOGYNY BEHIND” or how romeo learned to stop worrying and indulge in the ““feminine”“ shit in life

when romeo transitioned he scrubbed everything that could be potentially viewed as feminine from his appearance and behaviour. while he did everything he could about the former (hairstyle, clothing, body language, voice), it didn’t feel like enough bc he couldn’t change some things that ppl used to be jerks- his frame (short and lithe), his family, his being trans- so he made up for it by trying to “act” like a “real man”. this unfortunately meant he was super vulnerable to manipulative alt-right indoctrination tactics (”we will validate you as a man as long as you endorse our assholery and share our shitty beliefs about what it means to be a man”) and he was on the verge of getting sucked into gamergate ideology when [THIS LORE IS ANOTHER POST] and hey, now the world is minecraft. u dont gotta perform gender roles for villagers they dont care. xara will not only actually eat ur liver for pulling The Bullshit but when you are kind she smiles, so bright and warm, and it is very very nice so maybe you should keep on doing that. n fred? fred is chill with their Everything in a way uve only ever Dreamed of. romeo marinates in this sauce for a couple centuries and comes the closest to being comfortable in his own skin he’s ever been.

however,

after the Incident he slam-dunked himself back into the hypermasculinity juice bc it was a mindset “safe” from feeling pain, whether his or others’. n since the worlds the admins created dont have the same ideas of gender as the world they came from, once he’s been dethroned romeo has a particularly hard time adjusting wrt That on top of all the other 2750347502730 issues he has to face

anyway flash forward a couple months of being incredibly volatile bc he now has to confront all the terrible things he did and how Dare u make him do that and maybe if hes nasty enough he can provoke someone into killing him and saving him from having to unpack All Of That- (note from @simple-mooshroom-herder​: Xara and Jesse at least grasp that Romeo will probably burn himself out on this bullshit eventually and the best thing to do is interact with him with a certain level of healthy detachment. Eventually he'll see that theres no "getting out of this" and he'll start to do the Work but until then its very frustrating to see that tactic take him nowhere.)

- one day petra notices how he’s constantly staring at all the ppl wearing cute dresses in beacontown and at first she thinks he's being creepy but then realizes that he's not being creepy and actually she knows exactly how he feels bc she also used to look at ppl wearing clothes super not suited for combat like that, like she wished she could wear them too, like if she just didnt have to keep up this image of the Warrior who is Not Soft Ever-

n ok. listen. these worlds have been specifically engineered to be better and kinder than the one the admins came from, and when people mess up- even REALLY mess up- people are generally not only willing to forgive you but support you as you try and get better. it’s instinctual for communities to respond to misdeeds with rehabilitation and reconciliation, rather than retaliation and renunciation (tho its not an overnight thing and it generally takes 1-3 people to spearhead the process, esp if the actions have affected a large group of people). like. ivor created something that almost destroyed the entire world, not just beacontown, yet by the end of season one he’s grown to be a part of the team- n its not just jesse & co being forgiving here, bc when ivor made his s1 build with 3 lava source blocks people objected to it, but by s2 he not only has lava in his build but a giant lake of it. (im assuming the fences around said lake are coming eventually, bc safety is still important, but the implications im choosing to take from this are a) despite almost ending the world people let him into their lives anyway and b) the community not only grew to accept but encourage his self-expression.)

BUT ANYWAY before i go off on that even more one day petra and romeo basically put on an impromptu fashion show in jesse’s house (bc their house is huge and, kind of perfect for a fashion show, and also right next to the order hall’s armory whence they stole a bunch of fancy swords to match the outfits) n theyre having a blast until the hero in residence , returns to their residence (and with COMPANY) n romeo is absolutely Mortified- caught red-handed showing feelings of an almost human nature, oh my god, this will NOT do- n this whole grand soliluquy of shame and excuses and apologies grabs the steering wheel of his tongue but he cant even spit a single syllable out bc jesse and lukas almost immediately dip leaving romeo panicking for a second before they come back with their inventories FULL of cute outfits, including a billion skirts and dresses, some of them are even enchanted so theyre like. super shiny or constantly flowing or things like that.

this actually ends up spiralling into a town-wide... not quite fashion show bc there's no runway or anything, everyone just shows up in their cutest/coolest outfits .. fashion convention?? Anyway several people come up to him and compliment him on his outfit casually before continuing along, not recognizing him not only bc of how hes done his hair and makeup n what hes wearing but he just seems... so happy (he might be wearing something on his head? like a headpiece or hat or something? but also maybe not hmm)- whoever this is, he's not hunched over like he's got several centuries' worth of sins crawling on his back he’s not trying to shrink and make small a human-shaped apology for the simple fact of his existence not dragging his feet like hes ready for, dreading, a hundred mile trek through the desert repenting hes just. hes literally just Vibing

anyway he's mostly been silent or just providing very quiet "thank you"s but when it turns out that some people showed up ready to play music and there's a song that he knows he literally cant help but start jamming out its the GOod Stim everyones a-dancing and a-jiving and some people start to sing and so of course he does too (the healing power of dancing and singing in cute outfits.... unfathomable) but. ppl recognize his voice

and after a few seconds he notices how quiet it's gotten all of a sudden n everyones looking at him like "oh shit thats the admin" and honestly his heart breaks. visibly

but

then someone starts singing, so quiet it takes a moment for him to hear over the sound of an encroaching panic attack (oh god he has airpods in), but when he looks over theyre smiling - theyre smiling at hiM???? AND IT DOESNT EVEN LOOK MEAN??- and doing this very simple step, that he catches onto just as easily as he matches their singing (its a fairly common little tune n dance)

theyre like standing like a good few meters away but as they take turns with lines in the song they slowly inch closer

and he thinks hes starting to recognize the dance that the steps theyre doing is from but at the part in the song thats coming up ur supposed to allemande left and even tho theyre like, less than a meter away now literally no one has really wanted to get close to him, let alone actually touch him, so hes totally expecting them to be like 'psych' and humiliate him in front of the entire crowd-

BUT THEN THEY ACTUALLY GO FOR IT???

he completes the step without even thinking about it n continues onto the next in this state of dull bewilderment where there is but one braincell active in his head and it is just going, in a very tiny voice, "danser?"

- when they linked arms the person briefly seemed surprised that he didn't like, chew their arm off or anything (he had. kind of snapped at people a few times during the past few weeks), but then their shock turned into a wide smile and they sort of- nodded? at someone over his shoulder like 'come and join us, it doesn't look like he's going to kill me after all you guys can put the eulogy writing on hold'

what rly makes his heart do the confused and hopeful conga is that this isnt even anyone romeo knows, its a total stranger. or- like- he saw them while he was pretending to be jesse he just didnt care to get to know them beyond ‘name and gimmick’- its not even someone who has any reason to think he'd be cool to befriend its literally jsut someone taking a chance on him (tkae a chance take a chance take a chance take a cha)

afterwards hes like "i should thank jesse for putting you up to that, it was fun" and theyre like "what? jesse didn't "put me up to" anything, dude, you just looked super choked. * something something surfer lingo who would i be if i just left someone to feel bad when they could be having fun dancing you know?*"

he H

[ree-duh]

(1/2) obvi you don’t gotta do anything but jsyk imo the violence the poc experience is WAY more than what the white characters do w the exception of klaus imo but he’s also gay/bi so! but yeah spoilers & TW for violence/death of poc - cha cha (black woman) is chained/tortured, patch (black woman) is shot & killed, allison (black woman) has her throat violently slashed, and ben (asian man) starts off the show dead??? like it’s p fucked up and i just was triggered tbh & think ppl should know

(2/2)good on everyone calling out ua for incest but we need that same energy towards the racist ways violence is perpetuated against poc on the show bc it’s more gruesome/explicit/shocking than white characters & has the potential to rly trigger ppl. not your fault or anything bc you haven’t seen the show but i don’t see anyone talking about it & ppl who haven’t seen it obviously don’t know about it. ALSO i forgot that ben’s power is a monster painfully burst out of his chest it seems.✨✨✨

Honestly considering all the stuff I’ve heard about Umbrella Academy this honestly adds to the disappointment because initially one of things that drew me to the show before I heard it had inc*st in it was all the wonderful actors of colour they cast in leading roles. Having extreme violence in shows be directed at characters of colour (especially black/ dark skinned characters) isn’t a new concept that UA invented it’s honestly such a common theme in recent shows that a lot of the time the reason why it seems like people aren’t talking about it is because its something we’ve come to accept.

Over the few years I’ve been on tumblr I’ve tried watching many different shows and have had to stop or have not been as enthusiastic about since watching them repeatedly brutalise their characters of colour. A recent example is the third season of Young Justice where I was very happy to see a dark skinned brown Muslim character because for once a character was like me. However my enthusiasm wasn’t worth anything because even though they had her in the show their treatment of her made it all pointless to the point where she was constantly murdered on screen in more and more brutal ways. Her pain was used as shock value and anyone who spoke up against the creators were seen as ungrateful because we should just be happy that at least she’s there.

From what I can gather about UA and based on what I know of the comics I know people are going to try and justify things like Alison having here throat sliced because “it happened in the comics” but won’t address that unlike in the comics vanya wasn’t shot in the head and left half dead by number 5.

In all honesty I just wish more people would look at a piece of media and ask themselves about whether or not the violence that characters of colour go through is necessary because most of the time it’s not but people still insist on defending it even if it makes the rest of us uncomfortable.

[cosmospoons]

House MD season 2

30 second episode recaps from someone whos just watched em for the first time and has bad recall

Ep1: they gotta cure the death row dude so he can go back to death row to b killed, cameron is Bad at telling ppl they're dying, house n Wilson had lunch with the coma guy, they cured death row man, also they changed the theme and I hate it Ep2: House has hayfever lmao, this cancer girl with hallucinations is honestly just the coolest she's so positive I love her, shes nine and got chase to kiss her hero,, house an Wilson have a shared balcony amazing, Wilson is so good and pure and is amazing at his job holy shit I love this man. House actually 'temporarily killed' the patient to cure her and made people run drills on a dead man. House is 400% going to buy a motorbike Ep3: i prayed for Cuddy's handyman to fall off her roof past the window and then god answered my prayers and he did, house broke into Cuddy's house mainly to look at her underwear lbr and then won the 'can we chop off his arm' argument, house secretly speaks spanish and waited for the most dramatic moment to reveal this, they gate crashed a cock fight (ayy) and saved the patient Ep4: the patient is a doctor with an ego ((according to house lmao pot, kettle)) who wanted to sit in on the diagnostic process and honestly is actually full of himself,, house puts him on a tippy table and cranks it up, foreman made a patient cry except he was pretending to be house lmao house got in shit,, Cameron needs to stop please, can the patient get his head out his arse please. house gatecrashes the press conference that the patient called and managed to put him into cardiac arrest on live television and eventually cured him of everything cept bein a knob Ep5: Wilson's handwriting is such doctor handwriting and house definitely bought a motorbike and made Wilson pay for it he's so pleased with himself. The kid keeps getting electrocuted but like,, by his own body. House is avoiding his parents but Cameron n Wilson aren't letting him get away with it. I love house n Wilson's friendship so much it's worth 5k apparently lmao. These patients are fukin serial liars jc why are ppl like this, it was rADIATION wow houses dad is a fucking DICK. There were so many good interactions and the house/wilson ship is sailing Ep6: there was a cyclist who took a LOT of drugs which turned out to be curing him of the thing he had, house is a douchebag but we all knew that - he may b a dick to mark but m sure mark deserves it n I love him anyway. Wilson remains a sweet boy even if he cheats idgaf he's adorable look at him ((wilson: i net someone who made me feel funny, me: was it hOUSE)),, he n house are balcony buddies and house shud stop stealing his food, and he should definitely stop digging thru stacys life but actually fuck it why not he's not gunna let go of this why is she so pissy i wanna know Ep7: I love houses new pet rat Steve McQueen,, Wilson is 4000% done with houses Stacy related antics which is fair tbh he should stop but I actually don't give much of a shit about Stacy I've taken against her....he did deserve what she said after reading her file tho. The patient may have given Cameron aids and Cameron got high and slept with Chase, who she may have given aids lmao these ppl r messes but not as much of a mess as that father/son relationship jc...i dont remember anything else about the patient whoops Ep8: chase is being suuuueeeeddd and he keeps lying about why lmao,, house fuckin reamed him one which was probably called for but maybe not like that, turns out chase screwed up cus his dad died and foreman is houses boss ((supervisor)) now how well do u think that's gunna work (((not very))) Stacy's still a bitch and has ~~feelings~~ Ep9: foreman is in charge and house is doing his utmost best to be the dick of the year and it's fucking hilarious honestly I love this man the shit he pulls jc,,, Wilson is super aware of houses antics as usual and had a mild gay panic when foreman started to question him about house,, the patient was a big ol Faker™ but surprise surprise she was actually sick this time ((house totally injected her with a load of stuff so she’d b readmitted after they’s released her)) Ep10: house solved a case thru the phone alone and spent most of the ep at the airport except for those five minutes when he almost slept with Stacy who once had a terrible experience with curry apparently and called house a vindaloo, nice restraint very well timed phone call thank fuck,,, they will sleep together tho and I am Not Happy about it....the power play amongst the fellows is a boiling pot of trouble - the patient was v interesting I enjoyed the word scramble game Ep12: WHAT A GOOD FUCKIN EP so the patient orgasmed in the white chamber while unconscious and covered in burns but more importantly house gatecrashed the lecture of his old archenemy that he had arranged just so he could disturb it and criticise the dude who got him thrown out of med school for snitchin on his cheating all whilst Wilson told him to get better hobbies (('a hooker anything please')),, to test this dudes migraine meds he gave deliberately himself a migraine and the meds didn't work (unsurprising) so the fellows turned out all the lights while he had a nap under the table,, wilson took a diff approach and deliberately made a Lot of noise because he is a Shit even if he hides it better than house,,,, then house dropped a tab of acid and took a bunch of antidepressants, and cured his migraine as well as the patient Ep13: houses leg was super duper sore but at least we got some fantastic house/wilson interaction when wilson pretended to be God during that MRI, even if house hit him with a cane.... The patient was a teen supermodel who seduced her own father to get whatever she wanted,, house was super sure she had cancer and it turns out she did but it was testicular because she had xy chromosomes and was immune to testosterone - which was really fucking interesting...... Also cuddy played house like a violin and gave him placebo saline instead of a morphine shot to prove to him that his leg pain was psychological Ep14: House is stealing organs now. Ok so technically he did get the husband's permission to steal his newly dead wife’s heart for the dying old dude with a strangely young daughter but only after he kneed house in the balls super hard. House spent the whole ep goin on at wilson about the affair he thought he was having and at the end wilson showed up on houses doorstep but sURPRIse !! It was his wife who was sleeping around!! poor baby Wilson I know what goes around comes around but he's such a kicked puppy cmon Ep15: Wilson and house living together is a recipe for disaster and I'm living for it so good so many good interactions I love that house is gunna keep him for his food ((I'll never b over house hearing the voicemail about Wilson's new place, looking over at him sleeping on the couch and then deleting it so he has to stay)). The patient had a super cool marriage and didn't have lupus except whoops actually not a happy marriage his wife is tryna kill him thru gold poisoning. House needs to stop accosting ppl in bathrooms and should also stop destroying marriages Ep16: oh man good shit so,, first of all house n Wilson are still living together and there are some Domestic Antics happening right here including but not limited to a prank war which house desperately tried to get Wilson to participate in, the peak of which had house making Wilson wet the couch and Wilson sabotaging houses cane. The patients mum was ridiculously overprotective and house essentially kidnapped the patient to find the tick noone else thought was there,, surprisingly Wilson helped set that up despite the fact house was the reason he woke up wet that morning Ep17: first things first house could absolutely clean everyone out at poker if he knows Cuddy's tells that well through just a phonecall,, also he needs to stop calling Wilson out on his toenail varnish habits lmao. The patient was a smol boy who presented the same symptoms as an unsolved and dead case that house had 12 yrs ago so he really wasn't gunna let this one go cus he's like a dog with a bone. They were in formal wear all ep which was a Good Look™ and Wilson's retelling of how he won the poker championship may have been one of the cutest things I have ever seen Ep18: Emma from Glee is here and she has the black plague,, her gf decided to donate her liver n Cameron was all het up cus house had worked out plague girl was gunna leave her and sending the gf in blind would be ~~unethical~~ but turns out she knew and deliberately did that so Emma would stay with her out of guilt lmao. In other news Cameron's pissy cus foreman 'stole' her article and house spent most of the episode napping cus wilson is fuckin up his sleep cycle ;) I'm upset there was no physical wilson Ep19: the most annoying patient so far appears in the form of a 15 yr old faith healer with herpes. I feel like the degree to which unrelenting niceness irritates me rly says something about me but eh oh well. Chase (ofc it was chase) kept a tally on who was winning God or house, faith healer managed to shrink a womans cancer tumour through giving her herpes (((a miracle praise be))) and during poker night house called wilson out on sleeping with said cancer patient and discovered wilson was actually living with her whoops bad Wilson ((he totally regrets his life choices ((he should)))) Ep20: HOLY SHIT ITS A TWOPARTER AND FOREMANS GUNNA DIE !! Ok so,,, there was this cop who couldn't stop laughing till he could but then it got a lot worse and then foreman caught whatever it was which they began to realise when he smirked as house shot a corpse to see what a bullet in a brain would do to an MRI ((spoilers it broke the machine)) anyway long story short it wasnt the pigeons and the cops dead and foreman is gunna die even after that shitdick move he pulled where he stabbed Cameron with a needle so she'd go to the apartment Ep21: HOO BOY OK SO a lot happened so much happened the most important thing is foreman by the end of the ep is mostly kind of ok - he's just a bit muddled on his lefts n rights. During the ep house was stressed the entire time cus even tho he denys it he does love n care for his ducklings,, he even cares enough to deliberately attempt to poison Steve McQueen which didn't work but can be added to the list of stressful events. Cameron grew a spine a lil bit I literally yelled when she berated cuddy and she forced the biopsy cus foreman had the foresight (ayyyyy) to make her his medical proxy even if house managed to find the problem anyway so it was ultimately unnecessary and has just resulted in some possible brain damage Ep22: house keeps trying to pick a fight with foreman and failing because Foreman's all happy go lucky now, the patient was mad because of a thing and killed her baby accidentally on purpose, the music that played during the baby autopsy was super unnecessary and bizzare, and in the end the woman had cancer but she's refusing treatment cus of the baby guilt. Cuddy didn't have cancer, which we know because Wilson ((WILSON NOT HOUSE)) stole her dna and ran secret tests in the middle of the night, but it still wasn't a date Wilson despite what house said about skin lessions she was actually just going to attempt to use u as a sperm donor - have fun at the L-word marathon with house you big sad loser (I love u) Ep23: we meet an old house friend which is Super fun he is ridiculously naive and I love that he calls house g-man holy shit. House is now giving cuddy injections as part of a fertility treatment which is nice of him especially seeing as his leg was in a Lot of pain this ep,, like a LOT...he's self-injecting morphine now which is probably bad :/ house's friend's daughter was the patient at one point she pooped out her mouth gRoSs and house ran a paternity test n told the girl she was actually the dudes daughter ((except he was lYINg in support of his friend)) he does care Ep24: HOUSE GOT SHOT WHAT IS IT WITH THIS TEAM SUFFERING RN JC this was a very fun episode of 'guess when house is hallucinating', spoilers the answer is all the time the whole ep takes place in his head. That aside I absolutely loved the hospital gown/trainer combo (no I won't apologize) and the fact that house did almost none of his physio - instead relegating it to others which is....not how it works. The hallucinatory clinic patient was freaky deaky his eye exploded and so did his dick but dw cus to escape the hallucination house killed him ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ what can u do. At the end house woke up n requested ketamine we'll see how that goes

Season 1

[mysticalclamroadlover]

Life has been different lately, extremely heavily different. A lot has happened.. the good and the bad. But honestly, I feel like everything else was meant to happen. Well, idk where to start but let's try to break down everything I've experienced and all the bits and pieces that came with it.. I met new people. This to me is still so astounding to even think about, back then I was so aloof and felt like no one could understand me. Funny, this universe prolly read my blog and decided to take my life into a turn or maybe some sort of fairy sorted things out for me and arranged something rly interesting for my life like how your friends would set you up to a blind date... it kinda felt like that. Unexpected and spontaneous.

The end of my year 2021, was by far the most eventful time of my life for the past 2 years I think. As I've said, I've met new people. I got to hang around and fuck around like how I thought someone around my age should do.. Enjoy life and try new things. Things I never imagined I would ever get to experience again knowing I was so miserable that time. The rush of it all.. seeing everyone alive, you feel alive. Almost like in Euphoria except the people there are highly creative and attractive than most people I know, of course. What I'm saying is, I kinda lived the teenage life I so thought I deserved. It felt like liberty in every word and sense. The happiness it brought to me brought my depressed ass back to life. I'm naturally a very outgoing and extroverted person but for some reason over the years I've lost my spark.. i was so lost and in searching.. well I think I still am now but I for sure have a clearer vision of what I want now at least. I know myself better now. It feels like redemption, but a lot bolder I suppose. I can obviously say I went wayyyyy out of my comfort zone. I saw a different version of me I never thought I would be, not once did I ever think about me doing the things I have done. And there is an immense amount of learning I gained for being brave and speaking my mind and opening up my heart. I always say, it's not hard to fall in love. Humans naturally need care and affection and when you get to meet someone who fills up every void in your heart, it would not be impossible to fall in love with them. I met someone, very special. Though everything is put to the backseat now, I will never forget how I opened my heart up no matter how difficult the situation was. I believe, we should at least owe it to ourselves to tell someone how we feel and feel the things we really genuinely feel. (I hate faking shit.) I realized at the end of the day, for whatever it's worth. Speak your heart and your mind. You deserve it. Although things didn't last that long, it was indeed such a difficult situation and here's what I'm gonna tell you next.. We make our choices, and most of the time the choices we make foresees us. We just have to be responsible enough to stand by the choices that we make. It was not easy but we saw it coming. At first it was so tragic, there was a huge amount of regret and guilt around it all. But seeing everything from my standpoint now, the learning is so rewarding. Not everything that happened was all easy as pie. I went through hard days. They say "your struggles determine your success". I had to go through pain to learn and grow. Now, I try to not regret a single thing. Cause I came out of the tunnel enlightened and almost like I am content. I understood what I went through and came to terms with it. ________

[rationalisms]

mass effect for the ask meme (1/2/3 instead of seaons) ✨

ty tasha

the first character i ever fell in love with:i legit cannot remember, it honestly has been way too long since i first played me1!! i think it might have been tali? at least i’m pretty sure she was the one character i didn’t swap out once for someone else in the team config during my first playthru even when it was combat inconvenient lql

a character i used to love/like, but now do not:i honestly can’t think of anyone? i used to really desperately try to make myself like ashley but lately i’ve just accepted that i have always disliked her and never ever will find anything about her redeeming enough to make up for all the things i hate lol.

a ship i used to love/like, but now do not:when i first played mass effect 2 i actually thought joker and EDI were adorable and really loved the development of their relationship over the game. i was very excited for what me3 might hold for them and uh…. the actual content left me VERY cold lol. i think it’s a shame that their relationship was reduced to “lol hot robot bod” and all the actual development of EDI as a person and sentient being was completely concentrated on shepard alone. that was such a huge missed opportunity.

my ultimate favourite character:m o r d i n!! i love him so much and i have cried so many tears over just how much i love him so many times. he has the hands down BEST arc over the course of the games to me– i adore so much how he changes from someone who’s so remote and concerned with only the macro level of things to someone who learns to actually connect to people as more than just numbers or data. his self sacrifice is the most meaningful to me and i’m the proudest of his development.

prettiest character:samara, boob armor not withstanding lol. jack’s me3 design is gorgeous as well.

my most hated character:it’d be easy to give a p expected answer to this (kai leng or another easily hateable villain) but i think if i had to concentrate solely on characters on the normandy it’d probably honestly be james vega lol. i h a t e d that he was mandatory in me3 and usually avoid interacting with him. he’s the exact stereotype of male gamer self insert character i loathe and he was so discongruent compared to the rest of the team. also his interactions with f!shep made my skin crawl. h8 how you were forced into the dichotomy of ~ooOOOoo flirty~ or “i’m gonna be a huge dick to you for no reason”. just. delete him.

my OTP:f!shep/tali is REAL and i will DIE mad about bioware cutting it from the game!!! ESPECIALLY because they left the lead-up to the romance in and just cut the actual consummation!! i’m still just always crying overa) “you deserve better.” - “i got better shepard. i got you.”b) tali looking out over rannoch and saying “it’s beautiful” and f!shep NEVER EVER LOOKING AWAY FROM HER THE ENTIRE TIME and saying “yes it is” a HATECRIME tbqh fuck you bioware

the other is aria/nyreen they’re… so much….. lawful good and neutral evil exes who are still in love is the BEST set-up and i am still FIRMLY in denial about how they ended. as far as i’m concerned they’re running omega together.

my NOTP:literally any m!shep/female character ship. also f!shep/garrus. he’s SO my little bro to me and the one time i played their romance the content made me suuuper uncomfortable in how awkward it was lol i just can’t get with it.

favourite game and mission: (doing this instead of fav season or ep)me3. ik, ik, people dump on it all the time, but i honestly think it’s a masterpiece and i adore it to pieces. there’s been no other video game since that has affected me emotionally to the same level and there’s so many outstanding moments in it compared to the other two installments (even tho i love those as well). i have my issues with it (who doesn’t lol) but it’s still the best mass effect game for me.

as for fav mission, gotta be citadel dlc. ik, cliche answer BUT it’s such a perfect 3 hours of content i honestly wouldn’t change in any way.

least favourite game and mission:uuuuh i love me1 a lot but it’s my least fav out of the 3 mainly for gameplay reasons (i’m a huge completionist and i HATE having to do all the planet missions in the mako). 

least fav mission is the fucking derelict reaper in me2 it’s the WORST and scares me so bad! i’m bad at survival horror type video games!!! as much as i love how much ME can swerve into a different genre so quickly i am a big baby and i can’t shoot straight

saddest death:man idk how to choose! mordin was saddest to me personally obviously because he’s my favourite character, but his death is also such a satisfying conclusion to his character arc so idk! shepard’s death is gutwrenching as well, but again, it really makes sense to me as a culmination of her story. maybe legion. partly because “does this unit have a soul?” will haunt me forever and partly because that’s the death i felt served the least narrative purpose.

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate:i don’t HATE him but i never warmed to grunt as much as everyone else seemed to. he’s fine but i don’t really emotionally connect with him as much as with the other squaddies.

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave:aria and the illusive man lmao. they’re both terrible people and i love them so very much for it. the illusive man is for sure my fav non-reaper antagonist and such an interesting character. and aria should hmu next time i’m free B)

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave:kaidan……… he has never done a single thing wrong in his life and it, like, actively pains me to have to put him through All That or have to hear about what he’s already been put through throughout the course of the games. let him retire to his parent’s canadian beach house in peace

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship:the way this question is worded is really annoying me lol. i also don’t think i have any ships i actually feel are like “omg bad dirty wrong” for ME. i want everyone to be happy.

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship:f!shep/liara and f!shep/kaidan. i like both their romances, especially liara’s, and esp later game content with them is rly good, but i will never care about the actual romances with them as much as i care about the potential of f!shep/tali lol.

[theworldsoul]

I've been very upset lately. The pressure is insane.

And it's not like I don't know math or understand the material, I actually know all the concepts and everything. The only issue is I make little mistakes, the tiniest little mistakes, I forgot about the exponent, I wrote it as negative instead of positive, I forgot the units, I have the wrong amount of sigdigs, I added instead of multiplying... simple things, small things.

This is because my brain doesn't function well with so many rules. It simply doesn't compute long lists of strict rules sorry babe. No joke, all my mistakes arent cos I dont know what I'm doing, they're because I forgot soemthing small.

Fuck this shit man I'm not meant to be doing this... like, the amount of stress this is causing me... and I just know that tommorow after I get a shit mark my parents will be angry... I was given one days notice about the exam??? I study for hours every day??? Idk what else you want me to do like I'm already ruining my mental health for this.

I've told them before that it felt like I was overworking myself and they said that's just somehting I have to get used to and that's honestly so fucking upsetting. Like I rly said "yeah this class is fucking me up" and they went "lol idc get used to it, it will be like this for the rest of your life. Also work harder ur marks suck."

Like bro??? I have cried more in the past day than I've ever cried in ONE DAY... probably like 7 times. That's not normal, I dont think. Either I have some sort of illness or this is too much. I think maybe I have soemthing wrong with ME. Everyone else seems to handle it fine, no one else cries like I do. No one else is constantly doubting their intelligence.

Maybe it's a memory issue??? Like, one day of class I legit raised my hand and solved a question without ever having seen that sort of question before just with Logic, but yesterday I panicked because I couldn't remember how to solve it, in fact I didn't remember it at all until I asked the teacher and she told me that I should know since I was the first to have a correct answer... its almost like my brain doesn't remember math. Maybe that's because it's not built to do math??? Not like that matters... if I want a house in the future I need to finish math with a good grade.

This is SHIT. I work so hard and still I'm unable to live up to the expectations... I'm given at least 30 questions to complete for homework (I get like 4ish hours to do them since I get home at 3, go to bed at 9 and eat supper around 5) and I only end up completing like 6 before i have to go to sleep.... its painful and it's sad and I DON'T BELONG HERE!!!!! I DON'T BELONG IN A FUCKING MATH CLASS, MUCH LESS A GRADE 11 LEVEL IB MATH PROGRAM THAT WAS ORIGINALLY A YEAR LONG COURSE CONDESNED TO FIT INTO THE SPAN OF ONE/TWO MONTHS!!!!

But I can't just... do something easier. I can't. It's not an option if I want a house when I'm older. It's not an option if I want my parents to not hate me. It's not an option if I want to make the teacher who called me "hardworking" and pulled the strings to get me here proud.

I feel guilty for thinking that my hard work and dedication and whatever could ever match the natural wit of the kids who sit next to me. I feel inferior to them as I struggle with a problem that they complete instantly. I feel like I'm worthless. And maybe I am. The MOST IMPORTANT AND MOST RESPECTED SUBJECT is the one I am the worst at. And the ones my parents and society in general dismiss as being useless or stupid are the ones I'm good at and I enjoy. If the things I CAN do aren't good enough, what good am I as a person? What do I serve to society as a person? ...NOTHING.

The pain I feel over this is literally tortuous, fuck, I can't handle it, it physically hurts and it feels like my body is too weak to handle all the pain. I'm not even fucking joking, this makes me miserable. It ALWAYS has. I was so stupid to think I could EVER be good enough. I was so stupid to think if I studied for hours on end I would magically become better at math. It doesn't work that way....

And I feel guilty for wanting to be loved an valued, because how can I expect that when I can't do anything to be deserving of that? I feel guilty for the fear of my parents reactions upon seeing whatever grade I get tommorow, because really, I deserve whatever punishment comes to me. Because really, I'm not worth even having a bed to sleep in if I can't do basic fucking math. I'm so stupid. I'm SO FUCKING STUPID.

I don't know if I'll make it. If I'll pass my classes and make it. If ill get grades good enough to get a job that will pay me Enough.

This is so scary... I hate how my future hinges on this... I'm 15 and whether I live in a house or on the streets is dependent on how good I am at math.

Fuck this it's so stressful I'm panicking and I honestly wish I wasnt even human at all... I wish I could be a bird or a dog or cat or whatever, an animal that is loved, an animal that is happy and free of this crushing. Pressure. An animal that just... no thoughts head empty only animal sounds. Or maybe a baby. It would be nice to be a baby or a small child who only has to know how to write their name and maybe count to ten. Oblivious and happy and cared about. Or maybe it would be best to just be nothing at all. Freed from the prison I've been condemned to live in. Nothing at all. I wish I could sleep and never wake up.

I want to be happy... fuck. I guess I am overdoing it. Something's wrong with me lately. Normal people don't have so many breakdowns in such short spans of time over such stupid bullshit. I think that maybe I've been treated too softly in the past and now that I actually have to work its come as a shock to me.

But that makes no sense. I'm able to work and I do work, a lot, it just isn't helping and my brain won't take it in properly.

When I wake up tommorow my eyes will be swollen from crying so much.

[sneebyy]

1-92 for the make me admit stuff ask :3

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? I mean I already have soooo :P @calibratedcatnip

2. You talked to an ex today, correct? Nop

3. Have you taken someones virginity? Nop

4. Is trust a big issue for you? Not really, I do my best to trust people and usually succeed c:

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? No, it’s been four days since I last hung out with my love and that’s not recent at all and she left so long ago and I’m dying ;-;

6. What are you excited for? Seeing my love again, being done with finals, sleeping, and not being tired.

7. What happened tonight? I took a nap then woke up at like 11:30pm

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? It can be cute or just kinda sad depending on the girl. Not really disgusting though.

9. Is confidence cute? Depends.

10. What is the last beverage you had? SimplyTM Strawberry Lemonade

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? My love, my mom, and my sister

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? No lol

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? I mean today is saturday night and I already slept a bunch and I’m gonna do homework so sleep and do homework.

14. What are you going to spend money on next? Probably food

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? Yesss!!!

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? I hope so. I have a lot I need to improve about myself. I hope I can at least a little bit within the next three months. I’m not sure though.

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? My love and my friend Grant

18. The last time you felt broken? I always feel a little broken because of my sleep stuff, but mentally I haven’t in a while in a long time, so that’s good.

19. Have you had sex today? Nop

20. Are you starting to realize anything? uh. n-no? is something going on here? am I missing something?

21. Are you in a good mood? Yeah I’m in a pretty okay mood c:

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? Sharks swim in the ocean and the ocean is cold and I don’t like swimming in cold water so no

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? Yes! And my mom’s.

24. What do you want right this second? 3 naps laying with my love ;-;

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? Idk, I’d be really surprised tbh because I trust her a lot. But I’d be really sad and curl up in a ball in bed then idk

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? Yup

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Nop

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? Probably a meme about cats

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? My love ;-; a lot ;-;

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? Depends

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? That would’ve been uhhhhh. That guy I was playing warframe with. So no? I mean I think he’s a guy. probably. really don’t know for sure tbh.

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? Yessss! My looooove! 

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? No I drink soda. Not super often, but I have nothing against it and do occasionally

34. Listening to? The white noise of my space heater

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? Ye, I never use pen, and I don’t take notes digitally or anything.

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? My love is at her house I think?

37. Do you believe in love at first sight? I mean the idea of it is cute, but idk. not really.

38. Who did you last call? My looooove! last night!! we talked for a while and it was so nice c:

39. Who was the last person you danced with? I’ve never danced with anyone I don’t think?

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? Because my love is cute and wonderful and I love her :3

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? too long ago

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? nop

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? evry day

44. Do you tan in the nude? No, I don’t tan

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? Nop. Never :3

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? Almost actually! I talked to my love on the phone until I was gonna sleep but then I couldn’t sleep so I stayed up for a bit :/

47. Who was the last person to call you? Dominos to open the gate so they could deliver me pizza.

48. Do you sing in the shower? nop

49. Do you dance in the car? is that physically possible?

50. Ever used a bow and arrow? like once at the fair! It was kinda fun I think?

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? High school graduation lol

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? Yes

53. Is Christmas stressful? It can be if there’s too much family

54. Ever eat a pierogi? wtf is that?

55. Favorite type of fruit pie? Apple!

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Astronaut when I was real small, then a paleontologist, then a roller coaster designer

57. Do you believe in ghosts? nop

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Ye

59. Take a vitamin daily? I did until I ran out a few weeks ago. I need to get more :V

60. Wear slippers? no, but I should!! that’s a good idea!

61. Wear a bath robe? Nop

62. What do you wear to bed? my birthday suit

63. First concert? Weird Al Yankovic. Not even joking.

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Target

65. Nike or Adidas? Nike. I like their rly light running shoes.

66. Cheetos Or Fritos? cheetos

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Both

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? Ew

69. Ever take dance lessons? When I was a small child I took hip hop lessons for like one day

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? My love could probably be a great writer, or maybe I could see her being a therapist if she gets her mental stuff figured out to help people that went through a lot of hard stuff like she did c:

71. Can you curl your tongue? Yis

72. Ever won a spelling bee? Nop

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes!

74. What is your favorite book? Probably Hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy? Or maybe slaughterhouse 5?

75. Do you study better with or without music? Depends. I do both.

76. Regularly burn incense? I wish!

77. Ever been in love? Yessss!! with @calibratedcatnip c: my love.

78. Who would you like to see in concert? Caravan Palace and Deadmau5

79. What was the last concert you saw? Weird Al Yankovic lmao

80. Hot tea or cold tea? Cold, and sweetened too because I’m trash

81. Tea or coffee? Both

82. Favorite type of cookie? gingersnap

83. Can you swim well? I can swim alright. Could probably be better.

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Ye

85. Are you patient? No lol

86. DJ or band, at a wedding? A single man playing a banjo

87. Ever won a contest? Yes, I once won free surf lessons then proceeded to chafe my legs on my wetsuit over the course of the week until I was in extreme pain. Also the sand on that beach had very small red worms in it and it was really creepy

88. Ever have plastic surgery? Nop

89. Which are better black or green olives? I’ve never eaten an olive

90. Opinions on sex before marriage? Having sex before marriage is a Sin and if you do it you will go to Hell for eternity

91. Best room for a fireplace? All of them

92. Do you want to get married? Yesss. To my looove c:

[noodledesk]

#actuallyican

og post here!

thanks to @studyfeather and @kawaii-notes for tagging me :)

i’m tagging: @hobifulstudies, @procrastudiin, @rivkahstudies, and @moonshinestudies!!

this is a rly lovely n empowering challenge so i encourage everyone who reads it to give it a try!! really n truly!! ♥

so i guess i’ll talk about when i got injured bcos that’s a moment in my life i keep thinking back to!!

let’s backtrack to when i was in grade 9!! it was a great year; i was starting out in IB, and badminton got, like, SO much better for me. I improved a LOT, and won medals, and it was like, i don’t know, finally getting somewhere when i was really discouraged abt competing the year before. so that was grade 9 :)

in grade 10, which was last year, i was practicing mixed doubles with my partner and we decided to stay like 5 minutes extra to get some more time in. people do it all the time. it was probably some horrible luck that i’d end up tripping over him. 

it was a pretty funny fall, so i was like, whatever, okay, i’m pretty clumsy, and then i felt it. it was awful!! gosh there was, like, this terrible pain in my right ankle and i was lik??? woahhh this isn’t supposed to happen,,, i stayed on the ground for too long so that was when my partner realized something was not. right

anyway fast forward a little and that was how i tore two ligaments in my right ankle!! i was basically just happy it wasn’t a fracture because then i’d be out for like 6 months and i could not do that!! but the expected recovery time was 2 months right when i should have been training the hardest. that process was crutches and physio and at the time i didn’t really realize how far behind i was getting. it took me another month to get the muscle mass in my right leg back. but the initial recovery wasn’t that bad.

the actual bad part, i think, was that i couldn’t get over the injury. i was starting to play again, and then it was a week, and then a month, and i wasn’t getting back into the sport like i thought i would. it’d taken so many steps backwards that it was like starting all over again at the beginning, except this time i didn’t have time to start over. it’s not even that i was, like, super good; i wasn't good enough for A’s or nats or anything, but i’d felt like i could have gotten so much better, and that i was keeping up, and now there was no way i could even think about it. i was in the middle of the best streak of my life and then it was cut short.

it was discouraging, to say the least. injuries are natural, people get them all the time, and they don’t get stopped. it encourages them to get better. so when i couldn’t get over that struggle, it was awful. a mediocre player that gives up too easily? boy, i felt that every day. my mixed partner stopped competing.

i didn’t stop playing, even though at some point i definitely toyed with the idea. honestly. the learning process for badminton hasn’t actually really been the same. my fitness was impacted a lot, i couldn’t see myself getting better, and grade 10 honestly turned into a pretty garbage season for me. 

but then i got into coaching. i don’t know if i would have been this into it if i didn’t get injured, because being injured made me desperate. it made me really value badminton, and being around people who also love the sport, and i focused on trying to get other people to love it, too. 

last year I got certified as a coach under the national certification program, and gosh was it a difficult journey, but hey, we made it, and next year i’m still going to be competing and i’ve probably got a spot as the captain of my team. i find myself thinking about that moment in the gym, where this wouldn’t have happened if i went home at the right time, but if it didn’t i probably wouldn't have met so many great people. my mindset would probably be totally different. when you get cut down, you have so much more room to grow, and i’m pretty thankful for where that journey has taken me. 

i think it’s been pretty alright! mixed is now my best event, and though i don’t play with my original partner, we’re going to play for school next year :) (and bake a pie this weekend ayy)

thanks for reading! if u got this far, i hope you don’t ever take anything for granted!!

[aximili]

hey anon i figured i wont publish ur submission but just respond to it as best i can!

your situation sounds really difficult so i just wanted to say firstable that you are doing an awesome job facing what you’ll look back on as one of the most difficult periods of your life and balancing so much shit, i really admire you! 

with all your questions i guess take my answers with a pinch of salt because even tho i know your situation somewhat from your submission, i can’t really know how things are and what feels right/safe/sensible

-is it worth it coming out if you don’t pass and probably wont for a long time if ever -

 i mean, this is kinda the broader version of the whole question but i think you already know the answer is yes. ‘cause if dysphoria (i’m not talking about bodily specifically, i think that whole divide is fairly pointless, i mean the social dysphoria that causes us to identify as trans) is affecting you this strongly and consistently even when you have little space to express it, then that won’t go away from suppressing it. like... expressing your actual self is vital and you deserve that. and i know it’s easy to say that in the abstract when coming out to people who’ll continue to misgender you is the worst, and it could make some situations more difficult, so picking a way and time where you have a contingency plan for if stuff goes south is unfortunately key, but yes, it is worth it for the people who will make an effort to address you as you and how amazing that feels (and some of those who do might surprise you). 

am i still valid as a trans guy if i dont go to any lengths to present as masculine as possible -

 i make a lot of jokes about You Are Valid but like dude of course you are. gender presentation is completely made up. and i get what you mean about how trying to dress manly and just being read as butch can cause you pain, i definitely felt that when i was first trying to dress from the mens section and it just seemed to draw such obvious confusion from people, whereas when i wore more androgynous stuff that was in the womens section then nobody was looking at me like i was in the wrong place. it’s difficult. plus what you said abt binding like - binding really can be quite harmful, and obivously in some cases it’s essential to combat dysphoria but yeah, if it’s not making you feel better then just conforming to the idea of what a trans guy looks like doesnt mean you should restrict your chest so heavily. 

is it worth it to come out if it could potentially cause me to lose the only family you care about, should i wait until they’re old enough that their dad can’t force them to hate me -

 this part i really don’t know how to answer for you unfortunately. coming out to my family was really difficult and painful and didn’t go the way that i wanted it to, so i wish i could say “your siblings love you, they’ll completely understand” but i can’t guarantee that and that could end up causing more hurt so like... i don’t know. i don’t know how old your siblings are, but is there a way you could sort of gently introduce the idea to them? like say “people have been calling me this name at work and i really like it” and see how they respond? they could be totally on board and open-minded, and they could not get it at all, and i don’t know, but if their dad is giving them a lot of hateful views about lgbt people then maybe not using words like transgender but just talking about it as a change in yourself and stuff that’s making you happy could be a safer way to introduce the topic. 

how should i come out at all in either setting like do i just drop it into a conversation or do i give hints and wait for them to ask, should i just wait until i hopefully go on hormones and see if anyone notices and then deal with it in like 2 years time probably, should i just quit my job and run away and find a cave to live in instead? -

yep, that last one. but nah seriously if you like your job and there’s a lot of lgb people there i think that’s rly good. i’ve only been out as trans in one job and it was never explicitly talked about bc i was already socially transitioned, i just like... didn’t pass and then went on hormones & suddenly did. but if you have a supervisor/hr person who you trust and seems chill (esp if they’re also lgb) you could talk to them and ask for advice and gauge the vibe from that? i know what you mean that like, lgb people can still be shitty about trans stuff, so that’s no guarantee, but at minimum if they react kinda weird about it and you get a bad vibe, then at least they have to keep it confidential and you can drop it and wait. this isn’t exactly an equivalent but when i had my second top surgery for like corrections, @ my current job one of my supervisors who’s a lesbian was one of only a couple people who knew the specific nature of the surgery and she was super helpful to talk to about it, and said she would take my lead on what to tell people i was off sick with, etc. so it’s possible someone at work could help by like, organising a way to drop it into meeting agendas as a small point for everyone there who knows you or something? like “just to make everyone aware x is now going by y and should be referred to as a man with he/him pronouns. we hope you will all be supportive of this change!” i don’t really know honestly, i think there’s no way to come out to a big group of people that isn’t gonna feel a bit awkward, but i really hope they’d be cool with it cause it would be so good for you to have somewhere that feels safe to be you, even if that place is work 

hope this helps even tho it’s equally as rambling haha, good luck w everything!

[r-o-se]

BASICALLY 101 comments/thoughts/things on Produce 101 S2E2

So we are BACK TOPOFTHEMORNINGTOYALADDIES AND WELCOME BACK TO ANOTHER EPISODE OF p101 live commentary

1.      The kids are watching the last ep

2.      The first vote results, Bae Jinyoung first, Wang Minhyuk last. Poor kid. Stop naming kids Minhyuk theres 6 of them on the field already it’s like Michael in America lol

3.      Back to the evaluations

4.      Woojin goes up, Daniel is like ’He’s rly cute I hugged him already’ tbh everyone call him cute lol

5.      Does JB Baby, what a classic lol. Got a B and praised for his pronunciation

6.      Aaahahahah lmao he asked for water and has to choose between two judges. Chooses Cheetah and she looks blessed af

7.      Kid has problems with opening stickers lol

8.      YGk+ performance, everyone are shook about their legs

9.      Their performance isn’t that good though, poor dudes. One D, other three F

10.   Roll yet ANOTHER compilation of the hottest kids this season

11.   Yongbin aka the dude with a nose bridge straighter and higher than my will to live

12.   Dongsoo and Namhyung from S.How do an AMAZING self composed song, are cute and talented as fuck. Namhyung got an A and Dongsoo got a B. Cheetah loves them ME TOO ME TOO

13.   Compilation of rappers, the overall comment on teachers is ‘Cheetah is cute omg but Dunmill is scary’

14.   Editing: aw cheetah is cute now with longer hair

15.   Cheetah: does the snoop dogg dance yno the smoke weed everyday one

16.   ‘Boys are calmer’ no they are more desperate and scared of failure

17.   Jung Jungji prepared a SHITTON for EXO Growl, a bajillion vids of it. But sadly I guess his nerves got to him, he didn’t do well aaaaaaaaaaaand got an F. Stop fucking laughing at him. Most of the audience is dancing along though such an iconic song

18.   He looks dead inside but says “I’m glad because I made BoA laugh”

19.   HOTSHOT HOTSHOT HOTSHOT SUNGWOON TAEHYUN SUNGWOON TAEHYUN

20.   Do Block B Very Good, MURDER IT IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE, AMAZING energy, everyone love it, first and only all company A rank

21.   Who am I fooling I actually watched their performance like 4 times before this on youtube just because of how much I love it the energy is so good

22.   Taehyun’s freestyle krump was on POINT tru kid monster right there. His expressions are soooooo good

23.   Now the kids are writing their future wishes or something like that to a huge whiteboard

24.   Kim Dongbin from kiwi ent looks sooooo nervous save that kid

25.   He’s doing chewing gum and stopped in the middle for some x reason?

26.   He stopped bc one of the judges pulled out his in-ear in a weird way and he thought that meant he needs to stop

27.   HES CRYING OUT OF NERVES RESCUE THAT POOR KID OMG

28.   Everyone are cheering for him  to continue THIS IS SO SWEET AAAHHHHHH EVEN JINWOO MOVED HIS HANDS AND CLAPPED

29.   And he finished his performance w a cute smile and………. got an F

30.   ’My level should be lower than F. I’m grateful for F’

31.   FNC Hwiseung comes out DOES SHINEE REPLAY GOT MY VOTE

32.   JELLY HEESEOK DOES CHAINED UP ALSO GOT MY VOTE

33.   Judges don’t like either and say both feel rushed… Hwiseung got a D and Heeseok got an F… damn

34.   Starship Sewoon and Kwanghyun come in, everyone get hype. One of them hates dancing and individ. trainee Jaehwan went to the same school as Sewoon. They Maroon 5 Sugar, everyone loves it

35.   Sewoon plays guitar and composes, everyone STILL loves it and for a very good reason

36.   BoA: So do u wanna be an idol or a singer?

        Sewoon: CEO

37.   Starship gets a double B

38.   RYTHM TA COVER, amazing vocals, acrobatics, taekwondo (is this the K-Tiger trainee?) basically just a compilation of the coolest kids this season

39.   Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand Jang Moonbok clip again

40.   He’s doing BTS Boy In Luv and…. It isn’t too good poor dude

41.   Seriously Mnet’s son bc his singing isn’t good yet the only reactions they are showing from crowd are the most positive ones

42.   He got an F

43.   Brand New come up, roll clip of the absolute snake team San E and Jint ent company lol kids are cute tho

44.   Do a song composed by Daehwi, choreo made by Woojin that sounds eerily like a GOT7 Hard Carry  

45.   Daehwi's vocals are good but his range isn’t too high rip. One of the kids did a bboy pose thing on one hand. Someone in the crowd dabbed

46.   Daehwi and Woojin got an A, Youngmin and Donghyun got B’s

47.   End of the evaluation, 7 A rank trainees, 17 B rank, 21 C rank, 25 D rank and 31 F rank. Last season there was like….. 20 something A rank holy shit

48.   Revealing the high pitched as hell song and the difficult ass choreo

49.   The best can go to M Countdown with it, A gets center and the ult center gets a solo part

50.   The one who has an A rank is basically a god and the one who gets the center position is literally the definition of ’what’s a god to a non-believer’

51.   They’re moving in now and get their ugly colour coded sweaters lol

52.   F rank trying to cope ’I actually rly like gray clothes… Still want pink tho’

53.   Why is korea so obsessed with ages lol

54.   Sungwoon took like an air humidifier and candles and an electric mat and whatnot lmaoooo

55.   Goblin parody ensue. Some trainee, Yoo Jinwon looks just like male Eun Tak (The female lead of goblin)

56.   Group practice is soooooo unbalanced holy SHIT

57.   The song is so high pitched they are all dying inside

58.   JINWOO IS TALKING my dude…. In F rank…. Depressing

59.   Daehwi is a sad boy bc the entire B team belted out the high notes like no joke

60.   Two dance black holes make slow mo eye contact if im not incorrect its the Cube F rank and one of the YGk+ F ones with a haircut idk how to describe.. like… its black…  sure is black

61.   Within 10 minutes A rank fucking aces the dance as a whole, sure its not perfect but it looks GREAT

62.   F is a… Mess sighs. At least that’s how they’re portrayed. In group shots at least half of the kids can do the dance just GREAT but sure obvs mnet isnt gonna show them

63.   Daehwi has problems with the high notes poor lil kid

64.   Namhyun, Sungwoo and Sungwoon have no problems hitting it though

65.   I fucking hate this system because rappers need to excel in vocals too which is fucking unfair and they just humiliated BNM Woojin who cant reach the notes and the trainer is NO FUCKING HELP and doesn’t guide him or anything just looks at him judgingly just fuck off dude seriously

66.   Sungwoo is just like Sejeong, got everyone shook during first evaluation, sings like an angel and CAN actually dance but has small problems while adapting to the choreo

67.   Now to the D group training KAHI MY MOTHER

68.   Baekho has problems concentrating to the dance and they only show him obviously thanks Mnet for nothing like he is not the type of person for p101 hes literally the furthest away from the p101 type why did pledis force them there Im so fucking angry dude

69.   Another poor black hole cutie is Cube Guanlin ugh im so sad about him DON’T CRY

70.   But others are helping him which makes me happy thank god for that

71.   C group get compared to chicks and vitamin C lol

72.   The C group vocal trainer is pretty af and everyone are in love including me

73.   ‘Age is just a number’ BOI

74.   Bae Jinyoung keeps looking at the ground SHY BOY but he also messed up his singing poor kiddo

75.   B team has the same vocal coach as A and I think D has the same dude

76.   Honestly I fucking hate that dude he’s so rude to rapper kids and doesn’t even help him and Mnet tries to play it off like ‘haha tsundere’ but no he’s just an asshole

77.   One of the rappers does adlibs lol

78.   But everyone else are just in pain I fucking hate this system so much

79.   Woojin is a small baby but sings like gold

80.   AND D TEAM HAS THE SAME ASSHOLE COACH

81.   He picks out NU’EST right away ugh but MY DUDE REN DOES SO WELL

82.   RBW GUNHEE MY B O I HOLY HELL SINGS SO WELL WHYS HE IN D even the coach said he did the best out of the grades he coaches ( A B and D)

83.   That coach is so much nicer in D

84.   I take everything back he just fucking destroyed my baby Hyungseob I’m so fucking done with everything

85.   B team dance class que

86.   Kang Daniel feels a bit full of himself but tbh he is literally perfect at everything and has the dance clean already

87.   Kim Jaehwan has problems with dance this is like with Juna last season lol

88.   JAEHWAN IS PRACTICING ALONE AS THE LAST ONE THERE POOR KID

89.   The dorm clips, everyone are practicing

90.   Aaaaaaaaand now they’re doing the reevaluation filming

91.   B grade Kim Sangbin danced really well and even sang well even though hes a rapper and then dabbed lmao hope lost

92.   MY LIL JUSTIN KIDDO IS UP but holy shit his singing is really bad I’m sad

93.   Everyone are saying they are anticipating Minhyun to move up by a rank but his clip is awful I’m so fucking sad dude I don’t have any words to express my absolute misery he looks so beaten up and other trainees are trying to console him I’m so fucking sad

94.   Now it’s Baekho’s turn, he doesn’t do too well either but it def isn’t THAT bad and mnet is just trying to make NU’EST look bad because they aren’t showing JR’s clip even though he was good enough to move up to B grade

95.   The dude with the best singing voice, Gunhee, his singing voice broke rip

96.   Moonbok’s clip wasn’t good and everyone are sad bc he practiced a lot

97.   Kwon Hyunbin from YGk+ does really shit and I feel soooooooooooo sorry because he isn’t doing good and people aren’t vvoting for him either but it just won’t come out right and im SO SORRY FOR HIM AAAAAAAGHHHHHH and like YGk+ is a modelling company so he wont debut and then theres this kid Ha Minho who I like too and his rank is like what 94 rn hes gonna fucking die. I hate this show why is it so addicting

98.   Calls to family ft. a lot of tears from everyone but Jisung’s sister has the same sense of humor as Jisung does its gr8 why isn’t he in top 11 vote for him jesus fuck

99.   Judges are gonna watch the reevaluation things now time to Get Sad Bois

100.  Daehwi and Samuel get praised and JAEHWAN MY LIL BOY FIXED HIS DANCE IM SO PROUD

101.  Oh no now theyre gonna watch Minhyuns catastrophe clip I want to fucking die

102. Kahi said that Min gets pressured when competing with other people I’m so fucking sad my boy is so stable and talented if anyone wants good NU’EST lives just fucking hit me up he is sooooo high quality stop bullying him @mnet  @pledis

103. Why do they only show bad clips I’m so sad and the trainers all laugh at them this just… it’s so ugly leave the kids alone they are under such immense pressure with such a difficult song and choreo

104. Finally they are showing the good trainees I’m so glad give them that ATTENTION and MY KID HYUNGSEOB IS THERE WITH A PEACE SIGN

105. And to end it now they’re getting the reevaluation grades and a bunch of kids are moving up I’m glad but they aren’t showing anyone’s new grades

And now, also good  screencaps that didn’t make it into the top 9, some funny, some depressing, Also I’m ready to stab anyone who came up with the goddamn food and bathroom break ration they’re doing by rank like what is this u cant dance u cant eat?? well hello there stalin