#the MOMENT i got this skin i was like. ok we GOTTA test shit out in the practice range. to my friend

[cantatrickster]

onryō hanzo sometimes just Roars if he's nanoboosted

[rebeccccccaaa]

𝔻𝕒𝕚𝕤𝕚𝕖𝕤

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ʙᴜᴄᴋʏ ʙᴀʀɴᴇs x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

sᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: Bucky gets hit with that god awful (but really hot) sex pollen. (this was requested)

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs: Dub-Con/Non-Con as per usual with sex pollens fics (although i try to write them as consensual as possible :T) Smut obvi (18+ minors dni), slight daddy kink, age gap?, public male masturbation; it's brief but still

TW: very brief mention of possible suicide

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ's ɴᴏᴛᴇs: hot

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“Where are those daisies we collected from the last mission?” Tony asked you, eyes staying glued to the hologram in front of him.

“I left them on the quinjet. Fury said to wait for transportation until Shield confirms safety. It’s literally in a glass case, but whatever,” you rolled your eyes, making the older man laugh.

“Just protocol, kid,” he snickered.

Meanwhile Bucky sat with Steve eating lunch, chatting it up like old men do.

“So what did you bring back from the last mission? I saw a bunch of agents in hazmat suits,” Steve said sipping his coffee.

“Uh, well Thor said we should bring some plants back for research, but it seems like a bunch of normal lookin’ daisies,” Bucky shrugged.

“Y/n loves daisies,” Steve smirked.

“Ok?”

“And you love Y/n,” Steve teased.

“No I don’t-”

“Hey boys!” you skipped past the kitchen.

“Y/n,” Bucky said standing up with a big goofy smile on his face.

“Where ‘ya going?” Steve asked with a chuckle.

“Quinjet. Fury gave us the go to start doing tests on that plant you brought the other day,” you smiled lightly jogging to the runway.

“Why don't you ask her on a date, Buck,” Steve nudged.

“Come on, she’s way too smart to go out with a dumbass like me,” Bucky joked.

“Seriously.”

“I don’t know. It’s been years since I’ve talked to another woman. It doesn’t come naturally anymore. Wha- what’s even the first I’d say to her?”

“I don’t know, man. I’m on the same boat with you. Just… Tell how nice she looks today when she comes back.”

“Really?” Bucky asked skeptically.

“Yeah, be nice to her.”

“I am nice to her.”

“I mean be extra nice. Flatter her,” Steve told him, “Go wait in the lab until she comes back and tell her she looks pretty today.”

“Isn’t Tony in the lab?” Bucky asked.

“Ha ha, yeah,” Steve teased, patting his back before leaving to his room.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Tony mumbled seeing Bucky waltzing in the room awkwardly.

“Nothing,” he mumbled back.

Tony dropped his hands and stared at Bucky with an unimpressed look on his face. Everyone but you knew about Barnes’ little boy crush on you but he’s never had the balls to say anything. You were close to Tony and seeing as though he doesn’t particularly like Bucky, he didn’t want you hanging around him. But you were an adult so of course you hung out with whoever you wanted.

He was sure you liked him back too which never ceased to make him roll his eyes.

You walked back from the quinjet with the glass container of daisies. You weren’t exactly a plant expert but it was apparent that these daisies were mutated seeing as though the pollen swirled around the flowers gracefully. It was beautiful but then again they might be extremely dangerous considering it was a Hydra experiment.

“Hey Y/n, off to the lab again?” Steve smiled.

“Yup, gotta check these babies out according to Thor; said they might be dangerous if they’re what he thinks they are,” you said, still walking.

“And what’s that?” you just shrugged at his question unsure of the answer yourself.

“Well, Bucky’s waiting for you in the lab,” he slipped in the conversation.

“Really? Why’s-” Crash!

“Oh no,” Tony mumbled, seeing the collision in action.

“Shit, I’m so sorry,” you stuttered.

“No, no. I should be sorry. Here let me help,” bucky knelt to the ground grabbed the fallen daisies with his bare hands.

“No! Don’t touch-” Tony shouted practically sprinting towards you two.

The golden pollen swirled in a misty manner engulfing Bucky completely. You stared with furrowed brows confused at the sight before you and what was going on. Bucky’s skin began to burn and his senses were being overloaded. All he could smell in that moment was you; the same scent that he got a whiff of this morning when he hugged you, the perfume and the shampoo that filled his senses when you walked passed him.

Tony pushed you out of the lab roughly throwing you in Steve’s arms who was just as confused.

“FRIDAY,” Tony called out.

“Yes, Mr. Stark,” the familiar voice answered.

“Lock all the doors to the lab and maybe turn on the a/c,” he commanded.

“Of course, Mr. Stark.”

All the glass walls and doors instantly shut and locked, locking Bucky inside. Bucky’s eyes found your and slammed his body against the glass desperately trying to reach you. You too ran up to the glass wall trying to understand what had happened to him. Everything was happening so suddenly.

Your forehead was pressed against the glass as was Bucky’s; both of you staring into each other’s eyes momentarily. In that moment, you could see his eyes turn golden for a quick second before his pupils dilated ridiculously before your eyes.

“Is he going to be ok?” you turned away.

“Y/n! Please!” Bucky’s muffled screams shocked you.

“Uh… where’s Thor?” Tony panicked.

“What the hell is happening?” Nat asked; Sam, Wanda, and Vision trailing behind closely.

“Nat,” you ran to her.

“What happened to Bucky?” Same asked.

“He- I ran- I ran into him by a-accident and the box dropped. There was mist everywhere and Bucky's eyes. His eyes,” you stammered breathlessly.

“Please! I need her!” Bucky hit the glass in an attempt to break it.

“Oh my goodness,” Wanda gasped at the sweaty Bucky hitting and practically going feral.

“Oh god, is he gonna be ok?” you teared up. This is your fault, dammit.

“I can asure he will experience no physical harm,” Thor’s voice made all of you turn around.

“Just physically? What the hell does that mean?” Sam argued.

“Well, uh… I’ve never actually seen it’s effects in person. Especially not on a Midguardian…” his voice trailed off and his eyes grew big.

Nat snapped her head, eyes widening as well. Bucky with absolutely no shame held his hard dick in his hands pumping it with his eyes trained on you. You went to turn around seeing nat’s expression but she covered you eyes before you could actually see the lewd behavior Bucky indulged in.

“What’s happening?” you asked holding onto Nat as she led across the room.

“Nothing, they’re gonna take care of Buck. Don’t worry about it,” she said quickly.

You sat in your room bouncing your leg as the movie on your TV played. Every now and then Bucky would moan and cry particularly loud making all of you wince and cringe. But your mind felt foggy simply thinking about Bucky and his safety; especially that moment when his eyes went from confusion to you don’t even know what. Hunger? Desire? Lust?

Whatever it was, it made your tummy flutter.

“Steve, any news on Bucky?” Steve stood at the doorway with a worrisome face that did nothing to ease your already panicked nerves.

“Well, as far as Thor knows the plant that was mutated with the daisies was pollen extracted from a breeding plant common among other galaxies; for species that can’t… reproduce like we do. The pollen enters the system and targets the nociceptors causing excruciating pain without physical harm. If untreated the victim can reach a traumatic state and truthfully, they will do anything to stop the pain; even kill themselves.”

“What the hell does any of that mean?” Sam grunted.

“It means the tin man is painfully horny,” Tony interrupted.

“Are you fucking serious?” Sam said in disbelief.

“What’s the cure?” Nat said.

“Oxytocin, of course,” Tony said.

“The cuddle hormone,” you whispered.

“Yup. Banner and I are already working on a serum containing artificial oxytocin in hopes to minimize the pain or even better cure him completely. We-”

“I’m afraid it’s going to be a bit more complicated than that,” Thor interrupted Tony.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, see the pollen, it’s a little tricky. The oxyputin-thingy you mentioned…”

“Oxytocin,” Tony clarified but Thor didn’t care too much.

“I don't think artificial love is going to cure the boy. If you want results, he needs to be the one he desires most. That’s where you’ll get your oxy-pudding.”

“Oxy- You know what, we can figure this out without anyone needing to have sex,” Tony groaned.

“Tony, maybe we shouldn’t-” you started.

“Nope, we can do this. We’re science bros,” Tony stormed away like a child.

“Isn’t your lab being ‘occupied’,” Nat called out.

“Shit!”

-

Hours went by and the oxytocin experiments were clearly a fail. The first dose did nothing. The second also nothing. The third relieved him for only ten seconds before he went back to his painful state. Since then, they haven’t been able to help or relieve Bucky’s circumstance any longer.

You thought about Thor’s words, about how the one he desires most could cure him. A ping of jealousy struck your heart but you knew you to find the woman Bucky loved and just pray that she'd help him. You made your way back to the lad area where Tony and Bruce had their new makeshift set up while the lab was locked down.

“Tony, this is ridiculous. It’s been going on for too long. You heard what Thor said about what happens when it gets too much,” you begged.

“And what do you suggest we do?” Tony said angrily.

“We need to find the woman that Bucky loves so she can help him,” you argued back.

“It's not just some woman, Y/n! He wants you.”

“What?”

“All the bastard’s been doing for the past eight hours has been masterbating while moaning your name. I’m not putting you in that situation,” Tony yelled.

You couldn’t speak. Was he telling you the truth? Did Bucky want you like that? The same way you secretly wanted him? It’s not like you haven't thought about what being with Bucky would be like before. He was perfect; so handsome and charming.

You ran back to your room where the rest of the guys still were practically out of breath; your heart hammering out of your chest and your stomach fluttering like it does whenever you think about Bucky.

“I need to get to Bucky,” you panted out.

“What?”

“Please you guys need to help me. Tony said that Bucky wants me; I mean can you believe. A guy like him wanting me? I’m just… nobody. He’s way too out of my league and-”

“Y/n, focus,” Nat said.

“Right. I- I want to help him. I know I can.”

“Y/n, we don’t know how dangerous this is. I mean, it came from Hydra, this could be weaponized and you could get hurt,” Steve argued.

“Bucky could never hurt me,” you whispered; Nat looked at you softly, understanding the situation better realizing you were probably Bucky’s only chance of a cure.

“You’re not actually considering letting her do this are you?” Steve scolded Nat.

"Are Tony and Bruce making any progress?" she sighed.

"They haven't been to even relieve his pain for longer than ten seconds," you whispered.

"Steve, this is Bucky we're talking about. Hasn't he endure enough torture in his life?" Nat said softly.

That seemed to convince him. Seeing Bucky in so much pain like he had been only years ago was unfair, especially when they technically already knew a cure. Waiting this out was pure evil at this point.

"How do you suppose we go about this?" he asked.

You devised a plan in order to let Bucky from the lab; he'd find his way to you on his own. Wanda stood from afar using her powers to tamper with the equipment. Tony frustratingly would have to run across the compound to the conference rooms to grab new devices in order to continue with his notes and tests.

On his way back, Steve and his convincing and charming ways would stall Tony's return asking him all sorts of questions about Bucky's state. Meanwhile, Thor made up some excuse to lure Banner away just for a minute so Nat and Sam could override the lockdown through Friday and free Bucky.

All the while you sat in your room waiting anxiously for Bucky to barge through the door and have his way with you.

A few minutes went by and no sign of a ruckus you'd assume would accompany the escape plan. You fiddled with the hem of your skirt biting your lip in anticipation. Still no sign after a couple more minutes. Wanting to make sure you still looked alright for Buck, although he'd probably not even acknowledge your appearance, you stood up to walk to your bathroom.

Just as you stood up, Bucky in all his muscle and broad glory slammed the door behind him staring at you with nothing but desperate hunger. Your stomach flipped when you saw him lock the door, pushing a small chair you had just next to it in front of the door under the handle.

He stalked towards practically panting and you took in his appearance. His hair was quite disheveled and sweat lined his forehead and slightly down his neck. Despite that, he still looked so handsome and sexy.

"маленький, all dressed up for me to ruin," he growled crawling up the bed as you crawled back.

"Buck, are you ok? I want to help you," you whispered.

"I'm more than ok now, beautiful," he whispered leaning into you, his nose brushing against yours, chuckling when you visibly trembled.

"Is my красивый маленький ангел gonna let me use her?" he whispered, huskily.

"Bucky, I don't understand what you're saying."

"так драгоценно," he whispered against your lips before pressing himself completely against you.

His hands, contrast between hot and cold, crept under your shirt brushing lightly over your delicate skin. You had somewhat expected Bucky to have no control and use you relentlessly, of which you wouldn't have minded, but this soft ginger foreplay was really making your panties wet.

Bucky slowly lifted the shirt from your body before tossing it to the side and removing his own. His hands cupped your breasts squeezing the soft flesh quite roughly making you sigh and moan at the feeling.

His lips attached themselves to your neck biting and sucking harshly littering your skin with dark purple marks. He nibbled on your ear as he grinding his pelvis against yours, his large erection poking your center making you even more aroused.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you. It smelled just like you," he whispered.

"T- The daisies?"

"I've been craving you, aching for you. Thinking about how good you're gonna feel wrapped around my cock," he panted speeding up his grinding thrusts.

"Buck," you breathed out.

Bucky shuddered over you before stilling for a moment. He couldn't help it, your scent, your warm skin pressed against his, he couldn't hold back anymore coming straight away in his pants.

You brushed his hair softly soothing him from his high. You thought it was over, that he felt better and was finally cured but almost instantly you felt Bucky harden under you, poking between your thighs and you gasped knowing very well it was going to be a long night.

Bucky stood on his knees and pulled your bottoms down your legs nearly ripping the material. He too rid his bottoms throwing them god knows where before climbing back on top of you. You stared adorably up at him and Bucky almost came again. He smiled softly at you before kissing you once more.

Suddenly, loud bangs on your door startled you but not Bucky.

"What the hell are you doing!" Tony screamed.

"Tony, you gotta stop! This is the only way! It's not fair to him to let him keep suffering. He's done enough of that, ok?" Nat shouted.

"She's gonna get hurt," Tony sighed.

"No she won't. This was her idea."

Tony looked back teary eyed. He really cared for you as his own and putting you in a situation like this wasn't fair to you either. He really tried to help but this was just too complicated and too advanced to solve in only a few hours. They were right, Bucky needed you as much as he didn't like that idea too much.

"Fine."

Bucky lined his cock with your entrance wrapping your legs around his waist. Slowly he pushed in pulling moans from you both. You've only had a couple lovers previous to Bucky but neither of them ever filled you so perfectly. Bucky stretched you out like none other and admittedly he wanted to use his fingers on you first but he'd been away for too long it was too painful to go another second without being inside you.

"So tight and warm, little one. Feel so fucking good wrapped around me."

"Buck," you moaned.

You wrapped your arms around his neck pulling him impossibly closer to you as you kissed along his neck and jaw. Bucky moaned breathlessly in your ear and you couldn't help the clenching around him from arousal.

"Fuck, keep doing that, little one," he groaned.

Toy squeezed your thighs together and clenched around him again making him groan louder this time. His thrusts became sporadic and you moved against like a ragdoll unable to keep up with his relentless pace.

Your legs began to shake and your back arched into his chest reaching you first high of the night, gushing all over his cock. You realize he hasn't come and gently push him off you before flipping over to let him take you again from behind.

As expected, Bucky pushed into once again deeper this time and you shuddered under his hand that rested atop your arched back. Bucky smacked and kneaded your ass thrusting in and out. The lewd squelching sound of his thrust mixed with the sound of skin slapping against each other echoed in the room.

"Shit, little one. Taking my cock so fucking well," he reached forward and bunch up your hair pulling your head back harshly.

“Shit,” you mumbled.

Your knuckles turned white as you gripped the sheets as hard as you could. You were approaching your orgasm quickly and you weren't going to be able to hold back any longer. Your pussy clenched around Bucky's cock making him throw his head back in pleasure.

"Please, Bucky," you whimpered.

"You wanna come, darling. You wanna cream all over daddy's cock?"

"Yes! Fuck!" your arms shook before giving out completely; your head buried in the sheets as Bucky continued that same wild and rough pace.

"Please let me come, daddy!"

Your body felt on fire. No one has ever made you feel this good before, it was almost too much, too overwhelming. Tears brimmed your eyes from trying to desperately hold back. You wanted to come with Bucky but seeing as his pace had yet to slow down you were beginning to think he wasn't even close.

"Let go, doll."

Your body squirmed beneath him as you released all over his dick. You came with a near shout, your body violently trembling from the intensity of your high. Bucky slowed his pace for your comfort, gently riding your orgasm slowly down despite his still aching erection.

He languidly rolled you over to your back, his hands softly rubbing your sides up to your breasts. You breathed heavily, eyes feeling droopy, all you could feel in that moment was his cum dripping from you onto the sheets.

Bucky, still knelt on the bed and still chasing his release, lifted your legs over his thighs gripping your hip with one hand and his cock with the other. You squeezed your thighs together when you felt his tip poking at your entrance once again, soft whimpers emitting from you shakily.

"Such a good girl. Gonna let me take you again? Gonna let me keep using you?" he moaned.

"Use me, Buck. I'm all yours," you breathed out.

Bucky pushed himself past your folds once again, your cum easily letting him slide in. Both his hands made home on your hips gripping hardly surely to leave marks for you to remember this very moment. You looked at Bucky as his thrusts slowly began to pick up, bringing your own hands to your breasts to play with your nipples. You twisted the perked buds, moaning softly at the feeling as well as Bucky filling you perfectly once again.

"Filling me up so good, baby," you moaned, arching your back slightly allowing Bucky to hit a newer and deeper angle inside you.

"Pussy was fucking made for me," he growled.

His hand moved from its home on your hip right over your lower belly where he could feel his cock so deep poking his own hand through your tummy.

"Feel how fucking deep I am?"

You moved your hand and he pressed yours in the same spot under his and you moaned loudly, shuddering under him.

His pace quickened and for a moment he thought he was going to finally reach his high, that release he'd been thinking about for hours today, but when he felt you clench again, squeezing his cock tightly and he didn't cum, he knew it was gonna be chase that he didn't know you'd be up for. You gushed all over his dick, back arching and your legs pressing tight around his torso, coming with a loud scream of his name.

Bucky fell forward with tears in his eyes. His skin still felt hot and sticky. His sense felt dialed up to an eleven. It was all so overwhelming and all he wanted was to cum in you and hold you closer whispering how he really loved you. He pressed faint kisses to you equally sticky and warm skin and when you felt warm liquid dripping onto your skin to lift Bucky's head to find him crying.

"What's wrong, baby?"

“I can’t cum. I just wanna cum,” he whined.

“Hey, hey. It’s ok. I can go as many times as you need me to. I want to help you, let me do that.”

“Can- Can you uh… use your mouth please? I want to feel those pretty lips wrapped around my cock so bad,” he moaned.

“Of course, baby. I’d do anything for you,” you smirked before pushing him and crawling over him holding his dick in your hand.

-

Hours and literally hours had passed until Bucky was finally tired out only having cum three times compared to the fifteen-plus times you had. Your bed laid on the ground; the wooden stands snapped about two hours ago. Most of your sheets were torn to shreds and marks littered your body from your neck down to your hips and your knees from, well you know.

Your body shook as you laid in a fetal position. You burned between your thighs; the soreness overwhelming but pleasant at the same time. Sweat made what was left of the sheets stick to your body until Bucky pulled them from you to clean you. He used a warm towel all over your body with tears in his eyes whispering how sorry he was about everything.

“I swear I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I’m so sorry. I understand if you hate me now; if you never want to see me again. Just know that I’m so sorry about your bed, the blankets, if I hurt you, everything,” he sniffled, eyes and nose red and puffy.

“Bucky,” you whispered, your voice raspy and croaky from your moaning and screaming all night.

“Y/n,” he whispered back. You pulled him by the back of his neck into a soft yet passionate kiss.

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful,” he breathed out when you pulled away. You cupped his face with shaky hands but a smile on your face.

“Do you mean it?”

“Of course. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. I’ve dreamt about holding you far too many times, more than I’d like to admit. I should’ve told you sooner but like everyone else, I was scared you didn’t like me back; at least not this way,” he rubbed your legs indicating the intimate love he had for you.

“Buck, it’s virtually impossible for anyone not to fall in love with you. Unless they’re Tony,” you giggled as did he.

“Can you say it?” he asked softly.

“That I love you?” you smiled brushing your nose against his; Bucky practically purred as he nodded.

“I love you, James,” you whispered.

“Fuck, I love you too.”

He laid you down softly again on the broken bed pressing light kisses all over your collarbones and shoulders. You brushed his hair with your fingers as he clung onto you ready to sleep.

“Thank you again, doll. For helping me today,” he said after a couple minutes of silence.

“Of course, my love. Besides I’m the one who ran into you with those damn daisies.”

“Thank god for them then. And for your clumsiness,” Bucky chuckled.

“Meanie,” you snorted, making Bucky laugh even more.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Buck.”

ᴛᴀɢʟɪsᴛ: (For all my work)

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Bucky Barnes Taglist:

@stolenxkissess

[naralanis]

little bumps in the road (pt. 14)

Previously on LBitR...

Lena can’t remember ever running so fast in her life.

Her boots splash loudly on the wet pavement, and her lungs burn painfully as she sprints full-tilt down the street, heart hammering a frantic rhythm in her ribcage. She nearly skids as she turns the corner to where the RV is parked – looking exactly like she had left it, and her hands are clammy, trembling uncontrollably as she yanks the door open.

Her gasps for air seem to fill the empty space of the RV, and Lena thinks her heart will just beat right out of her chest at the sight of the empty cot. She can’t breathe, her head is swimming from the effort of running here like a madwoman, and her ribs hurt. She might just puke right here.

And she almost does, too, when she feels a heavy hand landing on her shoulder. Lena’s so wired, so afraid and panicked, she does the first thing she can think of—she twists on her heel to level the most violent punch she can throw at her attacker.

Her hand collides with concrete with a sickening crunch.

“Lena!”

Kara’s eyes are as wide as saucers, worried and understandably confused. Lena, for her part, can’t decide whether to be ecstatic or worried, so she settles on a strangely hysterical mix of both, cradling the hand that is undoubtedly broken to her chest.

“I see your powers are back,” she hisses through gritted teeth. The pain radiates from her knuckles, down her wrist, and all the way to her elbow, and she can already see her fingers are starting to swell.

“They’re not 100% yet, but I think some sun will do the trick,” Kara says, brows furrowed as she moves to cradle Lena’s hands between hers as gently as she possibly can. She narrows her eyes, looking over the rapidly purpling skin of Lena’s knuckles. “Definitely broken,” she mutters unhappily. “What were you thinking??”

“We need to get out of here,” Lena barks, pulling her hand away and rushing to one of the cabinets—Kara seems to pick up on what she’s scrambling for, and steps in to get gauze and other materials to fashion a splint.

“What happened?” she asks, delicately righting Lena’s hands and tenderly wrapping it up, tight and secure. “What’s got you so spooked?”

Lena groans in pain despite Kara’s care. “The man—the man I saw in Texas, he’s here—he’s definitely following us, and Alex” she yelps when Kara touches a particularly tender spot, “shit, it wasn’t Alex on the phone.”

Kara freezes, gauze dangling from her grip as she stops wrapping. When she speaks, her voice is tight, gripped by fear. “What did she—what did they say on the phone?”

Lena takes up the rest of the wrapping herself; Kara’s clearly too stunned to anything but gape in panic. “They said hello, this is Danvers.” She sighed. “She said that anything other than the two options…”

“Wouldn’t be her on the phone,” Kara completes. “OK, yeah, we—we gotta get out of here, we gotta…”

She keeps on mumbling as she rushes to the driver’s seat; Lena barely has the time to scramble after her, grabbing a bottle of painkillers from the first aid kit as Kara starts the vehicle and proceeds to speed out of the car-park, earning a honk or two as she cuts people off in her panic.

“Where do we go?” Lena asks as Kara swerves into the freeway. Her hand throbs painfully, but she manages to open the painkillers with her teeth, downing a handful.

“I don’t know, I don’t know.” Kara’s incredibly tense; the veins of her neck stand out, and her hands—Lena can see it clearly now—the grip she has on the steering wheel is beginning to dent the thing, and if it goes any further, she’ll mangle it with her fingers.

Lena reaches over with her good hand and rests it on Kara’s arm—the blonde is so startled by it they almost swerve into another lane, but within the next second, she calms down a little, as if just noticing the force of her grip on the wheel.

“We’ll figure it out, we’ll—we’ll figure it out, OK? Just—just give me a moment to think. We can… we can go South, maybe—the opposite of the route Alex had planned for us, maybe—”

Kara shakes her head vigorously, jaw clenched. “The only place we’re going is National City.”

“Kara—we can’t—”

“The hell we can’t!” Kara practically yelps. She looks anguished, gritting her teeth, with tears pooling at her lids. “Lex has my sister, Lena—I have to go back. I have to.”

“We don’t know if Lex knows you’re alive,” Lena starts, but the thought sounds ridiculous even to her own ears—Kara sends one look her way that plainly says are you kidding me. “OK, fine, he most definitely knows you’re alive, but that doesn’t mean we can just go rushing back to National City with no plan!”

“Well, do you have any ideas??” Kara shouts. Her voice is harsh, angry, and though Lena can’t blame her, it makes her flinch in her seat.

It takes Lena a few moments—a few breaths timed with the painful, dulled throbbing of her broken hand—to get her thoughts in order. “He must be tracking us, somehow,” she mutters, mostly to herself, though she can see Kara can hear her just fine—maybe her super-hearing has returned. “How are your powers?”

Kara sighs, deeply, looking a little guiltily at the deep grooves her fingers had carved onto the steering. “Super-strength is back; not all the way, but it’s here,” she says, then her gaze briefly locks onto Lena’s injured hand, cradled on her lap. “X-ray vision, too. I haven’t tried flight, but it feels like it’s back.”

Lena wants to ask how she can tell without testing, but trusts Kara’s knowledge of her own body—her curiosity can wait. “How about laser-vision? Freeze-breath?”

Kara shrugs, then concentrates for a moment, furrowing her brows. Her eyes begin to glow very faintly, and the visual is a little bizarre, like she has a an old, dying flashlight in her retinas. “Laser-vision is a no go,” she mutters, before puffing her cheeks for a moment and blowing a gust of air. There’s a faint mist of cold, but it evaporates quickly.

“I guess that answers your question,” she says unhappily. Lena closes her eyes, doing the math in her head—she had worked out earlier the maximum concentration of Kryptonite Kara’s blood could have and repel with only sunlight. Her head hurts too much for her to think very clearly, but she hopes to God they’ve reached it, or things will be much more complicated than they already are.

“OK, OK, so—so we have to—we have to think clearly, here. Let’s say your powers will come back with more sun exposure—”

“Then we have to get out of this cloudy place,” Kara interjects unhappily.

“—shut it, but yes—and we have to… We have to get rid of this RV.”

“What—why? How would we get around?”

“I don’t know, I don’t know—I guess you could fly—you said you think you might be able to, right?”

Kara looks skeptical, brows raised almost all the way to her hairline.

“I guess I could carry you, yes, but then…”

“No,” Lena interrupts, gritting her teeth. She’s almost certain she knows how they’ve been tracked—it’s a long shot, but she wouldn’t put anything past Lex at this point. It’s a lesson she feels like she’s learning way too late in life. “I said you could fly.”

Kara’s eyes narrow, and her lips tug downward into a deep frown. She slams her fist onto the hazard lights button—it leaves a dent on the dashboard—and abruptly stops in the shoulder of the freeway. Her breathing deeps, but it’s erratic, like she is trying and failing to keep it under control.

“Lena. What are you saying?”

Lena groans, closing her eyes so she doesn’t have to look at the expression in Kara’s face—she can already picture it in her mind; the outrage, the helplessness, the disappointment… But Lena is certain—she is absolutely certain it is the only chance they have of getting out of this mess alive. At least one of them.

“I’m saying we have to split up.”

Parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13

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[omg-im-such-a-masochist]

😡🤬ANGER MANAGEMENT (PART 2)🤬😡

Prompt: Y/N has the life she’s always dreamed of: a good house, a nice car, a fat paycheck, her dream job and some loving friends. Her life feels like a fairytale...but just like every fairytale she’s not safe from the villain, the problem with that? He’s not only an incredibly hot Scotsman but also a fucking pain in the ass!

Word count: Long bitch, just long 😩

Pairing: Drew McIntyre x Reader

Warnings: +18 smut, dom x sub dynamic, public sex (work place environment), rough sex, oral sex(female and male receiving), masturbation(female and male receiving), dirty talk (because you can never have too much of that 😏), marking kink(biting/ female), branding kink (marking by ejaculation), breath play/ asphyxiation kink(choking/ female) and some good old trichophilia (hair kink/ pulling)

Notes: Forgive us father, for we are about to sin 🔥. I can’t thank you all enough for all of your positive feedbacks, they gave the strength I needed to commit this handsome Scottish sin.

I would like to thank from the bottom of my heart my fellow beloved beautiful souls: @new-zealand-chic, @nightlummer, @drew-is-boo, @tomandbuckyfan1, @akiko-tanaka, @drewmcintyrekoccsrocbwdgfan and @beckyann6879 for not only taking some time off of your day to read it but to also leave nothing but kind words to this girl right here 💕😘 I know that technically only two of you asked to be tagged but I blame it on my excessive need to please people ok? Sorry 👉👈 Alright, and now I’m rambling...so y’all know the drill loves,sorry for misspellings,english isn’t my first language (bla bla bla),check out my other stories if you’d like to(it would make your girl here very happy 😊) and if you’re comfortable with it,please let me know what you think? Some feedback is always welcomed and appreciated ❤️You can check out my other stories typing ‘masochist writes’ on the search bar on my page and my newest story as a fixed post.Okay,now let’s get to the fun part,shall we? Hope you’ll enjoy 😉

My mind was in a pure excitement haze, which made me think for second if I had heard him correctly.

“Drew...are you serious?” I asked hesitantly

He carefully approached me, placed his hands on the sides of my cheeks, making me look up to him

“Does it look like I’m joking to you Y/N?” He asked firmly

“It’s just..” I liked my lips “For a moment I thought that you were-“

“I’ve been wanting this every since I laid my eyes on you,lass” One of his hands leaned down, securing my wrist on his firm grip, pulling my hand towards his pelvic bone so I could grab a handful of his erection through the jeans.

“Do you feel this?”

I nodded

“This is the result of 5 painful years of foreplay princess” His hand cupped mine,making my grip become tighter “I’ve tried everything you can imagine to get rid of this fucking teenage boy boner I get every time I think of you... I’ve tried porn, endless sessions of jacking off and everywhere: hotel room; shower; locker room; arena bathroom; car even your office whenever you were not around! Fucking other women while I thought about you...you name it and I have tried, but nothing shakes off my cock’s need of you. Your pussy, your ass, your mouth, your hands...he wants all of you and JUST you”

I don’t know what lustful force took ahold of me but the only thing I could do while his words filled my ears was shove his jeans and underwear down so my hand could slide up and down his full length...skin to skin..

“Oh fuck yes” He growled as he moves his hips to meet my hand. Drew’s hands reach up my pants pulling it down. I hear a tearing sound as I look down to see that he had ripped my panties off leaving me as exposed to him as he is to me.

Soon after, one of his thick fingers slides through my folds lubing it up, before carefully entering me

“Oh lass, this is going to be heaven on earth... I’ve always imagined how tight you were, but fuck me, my finger can’t barely move! This is going to be fun” He makes a noise that was a mixture between a grunt and a laugh. “Let’s see how you can handle two fingers” He muttered to himself as he stops my action on his dick by taking me on his arms and sitting me on the massage table.

“I need all of this off” He says as he grabs my t-shirt and bra.

Once I’m at my full naked glory I lay down on the table and he stops to admire me

“You’re so perfect, do you know that?” As his hands caresses every inch of my exposed skin. “Your skin is so soft...so delicate” He leans down to place several feather light kisses all over my neck, breasts, belly and thighs making my arousal become more evident in between my legs.

“Drew” I whisper “As much as I love this, I really need you to fuck me senseless right now. We can do the softer things later tonight but right now I just need you in me” I panted

He confidently smirks before saying “So you haven’t even tasted my cock but you still want some more later huh?”

“Shut up you prick” I answer slightly annoyed at his teasing

“Oh c’mon now Y/N, if you want it so badly why don’t you ask for it nicely, love?”

“I don’t gotta ask you for shit McIntyre! Fuck you” I was feeling the anger starting to rise to the surface again

“Oh princess, I would keep that attitude down if I were you” He warned me

“Fuck off” I huffed

He lightly slaps my face, grab my cheeks and whispered

“We’ll have to work on that potty mouth of yours, princess... I guess I will have to keep your mouth full so you don’t have time to talk shit huh?”

He releases my cheeks “Kneel in all fours on the table” His voice has a ‘I wouldn’t test me if I were you’ tone to it, so I just did as he said.

Due to his incredible height, my face in this position, gets on the same level as his cock. He looks impressively intimidating when I look up to meet his gaze.

“Open your mouth” He says and I obey “Now, since you like to trash talk so much princess, let’s see if this clever pretty mouth can do some proper sucking as well”

I reached out to grab his length with one of my hands(to help me out since he’s so large) but he lightly slapped my hand before it could touch him.

“I said that I want your pretty lips around my cock. You don’t need your hand for that darling”

I decided to be up front about it and said “Drew, you’re too big, I can’t fit-“ A warning hair pull made me look up to meet Drew’s beautiful (now cold) blue gaze

“First of all, it’s Sir to you, don’t make me repeat myself again about that. And secondly, I thought you were the one who liked to talk back at me, so if those sweet lips of yours are good enough to disrespect me they’re also going to be good enough to make my cock feel good, even if you have to gag and drool all over it. Get it?”

The combination of Drew’s beauty, his enormous body and his dominating words made me speechless.

He pulled my hair harder to get my attention back to him and asked

“Do. You. Get. It. Y/N? Use your words”

“Yes...Sir”

He smiles approvingly of my response “So what are you waiting for princess?” He playfully smiled

His grip on my hair loosen, but he kept his hand on my head as a way to ensure me that he was in charge.

I debated with myself whether I should lick all of his length first or if I should just swallow him all in at once(at least til where I could reach it)..My decision was to leave the conventional and predictable first option behind, betting all of my cards in the latter one.

I sunk my mouth all the way down his cock making him gasp in surprise, feeling every inch of his length stretch my jaw. His animalistic growls made me feel confident so I decided to go up a notch and made him hit all the way back in my throat making my mouth produce extra saliva easing him down further more every time I bobbed my head. The deeper he got the sloppiest it would get, I had drool dripping from my chin to the massage table.

“Oh fuck me Y/N! You sure know how to give head baby” He said while staring down at me in awe “You’re so raw princess, is beautiful” He stokes my hair gently “Look at you, all messy around my cock, do you like that cock baby?”

A thick string of spit still connected my mouth to his cock as I release it to say “Yes, sir” I answered sheepishly as I return to my previous action of sucking him off.

That’s when I felt it..two of his thick calloused fingers in between my slick folds, finding my clit and massaging it.

I moaned around his cock, the vibration making his length throb inside of my mouth. I couldn’t handle anymore of the teasing.

“Sir, please” I gasp as I released him “Please I need...something inside” I look at him desperately “Please” I whisper

His fingers actions on my clit stopped and he looked down at me

“Did I told you to stop?”

I just shake my head ‘no’

“So why did you?” He raised his eyebrows

As soon as he finished the question I opened my mouth again for him to slide in it and he did it moaning , while he began to circle my clit again.

“Look at me” He said panting “You’re going to suck me til I cum and in the meantime we’ll see how hard can this pretty little pussy cum” He smirks “Then once I’m done claiming that smart ass mouth of yours I will clame this pussy as mine too” With that, his two digits entered me, stretching my walls, moving at a merciless pace. “Hmmmm, MY pussy feels so good, so wet around my fingers” He hummed in pleasure “This pussy is all mine isn’t it my little pet? It belongs only to me doesn’t it?”

I could only nod in response and could already tell he was close to cumming as he turned up the pace of his fingers and changed our position so he could reach my clit with the hand that was previously on my hair while the other one mercilessly fucked me.

The sudden chance of positions made his whole back curve on top of mine, making him go even roughly further down. As he brutally fucked me with his fingers, his hips start to bulk forward, fucking my mouth as well.

I could already feel my release was about to burst out at any minute now

“Go on lass, cum for me princess” His words along with all of his moves made me cum as hard as I’ve ever had! Soon after my mouth was filled with Drew’s thick seed that I happily swallowed.

“Let me see” He soothingly said as he places his now licked clean fingers underneath my chin, tilting my head up.

“Open your mouth, love”

He hummed in appreciation when he saw I had already swallowed all of his cum

“What a good well trained pet you are princess” He smiles fondly “You didn’t miss not even one drop. You’re so beautiful” He leans in to capture my lips in a famished kiss.

“I think is only fair now for you to give me the pleasure to really taste you princess. Would you like that love? Would you let me eat MY sweet pussy?” He asks as he stroked my cheek softly.

The simple thought of seeing that beautiful Scottish face in between my legs, made me turned on all over again.

“I would love that, sir”

I can see the satisfaction on his eyes as he says “Stand up on the table, love” as he smirks deviously

*What is he planning?* I thought as I stand up as he said

I didn’t even had to think too much about what that meant as for his thick arms slid in between my knees to lift me up, so I could straddle his face with my hips as I sit on his shoulders. The surprise action made my hands grip for dear life on his long black strands for balance. He gave me no time to adjust, he just simply began to perform the best pussy eating I’ve ever had in my whole life.

I was quite a big fan of oral sex(performing and receiving it), most guys they don’t really care about doing it properly, they just want to do it so you’ll give them head back. It would take a real man to eat a pussy properly and I was more than happy to say that Drew McIntyre was a fucking real man. He knew what he was doing and you could tell by his moans that he was enjoying it as well! Everything was perfect, the pace, the pressure, the tongue movements, the sucking and even the right amount of spit. I was sure by now that he had ruined me for any other man but him.

He grips my hips tightly to both help me keep balanced and keep my hips from moving away from his lips

“Oh my fucking...” I gasped as my eyes rolled to the back of my head

My grip on his hair tightened so I was full on pulling his hair HARD.

He grunts at my action, causing a sweet vibration against my clit making me moan a little too loud.

Drew moves his body away from the massage table going to the wall that was closer to his reach, supporting my back on it. The contact of the cold cement against my heated skin made me moan loudly once more, therefore he stopped his assault on me, to look up.

I don’t know if it was the vision of his dark beard glistening with my wetness, the smug smirk he had placed on his face or his incredibly lustful blue grayish eyes that were glued to my face..whatever it was made me squeal pitifully.

Drew cackled “I know I said that we should make this whole company hear us, but if you keep it that loud, I’m afraid we might get fired, love” He winked

“Sorry, I didn’t-“

“You don’t need to apologize princess, I love hearing your moans, it makes my dick rock hard. Just not here, even though I can’t say that the thought of somebody walking in on us doesn’t sound very tempting to me” He smiles as he kisses my thighs, trailing up, back to his previous place.

I made a mental note on keeping it down, but that went down the drain when that delicious Scotsman began his attack again. Noticing I was having a hard time keeping it shut, Drew roamed one hand up, covering my lips forcefully to muffle my noises. This thoughtful yet dominant act along with his incredible tongue ability to turn any woman into a pitiful moaning mess had me cumming once more, all over his face.

He licked me clean and lay me down on the table.

“Princess, are you still with me, love?”

I could feel my mind drift to a very familiar and quiet place

“Y/N, I’m talking to you baby” His voice is still soothing but a little more firm now

“Yes, sir” I murmured

“Open your eyes, darling”

My eyes opened to meet a blue grayish pair, starting at me with both amusement and affection

“You still gonna fuck me right?” I pleaded

He laughed saying “If you still want it of course, love”

“Can you fuck me from behind?” I whispered

“Is that how you want it princess?”

“Yes” I say sheepishly

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, sir”

“Okay. Then turn around baby”

I spread my legs further apart and knelt down on the table with my back turned to him and my core out at his disposal, placing all of my weight on my arms who were pressed down between my legs against the table.

“Look at you princess” He squeezes my ass cheeks “I’ve always loved your ass baby...so fucking thick” He slaps each cheek vigorously “I can’t wait to see it bounce on my cock” Another slap “You have no idea how many times I almost fought some idiot of this roster, because they couldn’t stop talking about this sweet ass if yours” He leans down and bites each cheek “But now it’s just mine, isn’t it love?”

“Yes, sir”

“Yes it is” He says in awe “And I’ll fuck this sexy as too, when the time is right” He slaps each cheek one last time

“Have you been with anyone lately Y/N?”

I look over my shoulder and hear a faint fuck leave his lips

“No sir, I haven’t” It was true

“Good. Me neither, the last time I had intercourse was three months ago and my tests are clean, I can show you if you want”

“There’s no need for that, sir. I trust you” Which I weirdly did, also if he had something he would be suspended by now.

He sincerely smiled before asking “Do you use contraceptives?”

“Depo injections, sir”

“That’s good love, because I want to fuck you raw, are you ok with that?” He asks as he strokes my hair.

Just the thought of feeling each and every vein of his cock had my pussy clenching.

“Yes, sir” I whined

“Would you let me cum inside of you?”

“Yes, sir. Please I-“ I couldn’t even finish my sentence since he pushed his length in slowly.

I was going to turn my head to face the wall, but he grabbed my hair, keeping my head in place and our gaze locked.

“Keep your eyes on me Y/N, I want to see your face as you take every inch of my cock, do you understand princess?”

“Y-yes, sir” I stuttered

“We’ll take this slow, I don’t want to hurt you. If at anytime you want to change the position you tell me ok?” He said and I just nodded

I already knew he was a generous size which now made me regret choosing this position for our first time. Damn you Y/N and your incapacity to think while horny!

Drew was moving at a very slow pace, being careful to give me some time to adjust every time he went further in.

It was a mixture between heaven and hell, and my mind started to overthink...fuck that’s not good!

“Don’t overthink princess” Drew said “I can feel you’re getting tighter because of that” He press his chest against my back and one of his hands roams around my waist so his fingers can play with my clit.

A muffled moan left my lips and I could feel my walls begin to loosen up from his stimulation on my bundle of nerves.

He kiss my lips passionately as he sinks the rest of his length in my core.

“Fuck you feel so good, sir”

He nibs my neck and shoulder

“I can already tell my cock will never, ever want other pussy but yours, princess” He whispered in my ear, giving me goosebumps all over my body.

“Sir, you can move if you want”

Drew started with a soft and sweet pace that grows into a very hard and rough one after 10 minutes. But I still need more...

“Sir, please, fuck me harder” I beg

“My sweet angel likes it rough huh?”

“I love it, sir”

He chuckled and turned his pace up, now mercilessly pounding me. A loud moan threatened to leave my lips so I covered my mouth with one of my hands in an attempt to muffle it but that wasn’t enough.

Soon after, I feel one of Drew’s big hands closing around my throat, pressuring the sides of my neck, making it hard for me to breath or speak but not enough to make me pass out.

The chocking made my walls clench around his cock, earning me a low growl from him.

The unstoppable pounding had my mouth hung open in an silent ‘O’ shape.

Drew let go of my neck and grabbed a fistful of my hair, tilting my head up to look into his eyes

“Tell me princess, has anyone ever fucked this pussy, this good?”

“No, sir” I panted

“Will you want any other man to fuck your pussy after today?”

“No, sir” I whine

He licks my ear lightly before whispering “That’s good baby, because now that you’ve got me addicted to this pussy, you’re stuck with me princess” He softly chuckled

This man has a devilish way with his words...“Sir, I’m gonna-“

“Cum baby, let me feel you milk my cock real nice princess”

My orgasm exploded making my vision blurry. Soon after I hear Drew cursing and feel his warm seed fill me up.

We are trying to regain the normal pace of our breaths when he says

“I don’t want this to be a one time thing Y/N but I also can’t do the friends with benefits arrangement”

“What do you mean then, Drew?” I faintly ask

“I mean that I want us to be together, you know, officially”

“Like...” I vaguely say

“Like a couple” He blushes lightly

“So, you want to do the whole boyfriend/ girlfriend thing?”

“If you want it, yeah. I would love to”

“Are you sure?” I ask, still insecure

“Y/N” he cupped my cheek and pecks my lips “I’ve been wanting this for 5 fucking years lass” He chuckled

I smile before saying “We should hurry up then, because we have a lot of time to compensate for, Gastón” I wink and he laughs while leaning in to kiss me again.

Who would’ve thought that my villain was in fact the perfect Scottish version of a Prince Charming...

Oh my Lord, I know this is long as fuck! Sorry I got carried away(can you blame me tho?!) Please let me know if it was worth the wait, if I fulfilled your expectations, that sort of stuff 😘

[written-beyond-the-grave]

Elija Mikaelsaon Dating a Black S/O Headcanons

Did anyone ask? No, did I deliver? Yes.

- Alright, so Elijah and the Mikaelson’s have been alive for a while. Never got a specific date, but we have vikings. And as Elijah has been alive for a minute, he’s had flings, situationships, lovers, and at some point out knight in shinning armor was probably a fuck boy… don’t @ me.

- What I’m trying to say is man probably did it all, Asian, Latinx, Caucasian and African American and maybe even African and Caribbean… Maybe even fucked around with his sexuality for a second because he got it like that and the writers were too pussy to put this shit on

- Tbh probably the originals tried all the genders and non-genders, change my mind. But elijah strikes me as a free for all who loves something refreshing that’ll take him out of Klaus’s bullshit for a minute

- But here’s were this shit gets spicey… Elijah… with a black s/o….. Just hear me out poc who been waiting for someone to give them good fucking food on poc x tvd/ the originals, I got y’all… unless college comes back.

- OK so, I feel like if you’re rocking with Elijah he’d dress you up and ice you out because he can. Nothing under $5,000 for his s/o… We talking furs, diamond, real leather, snake skin, hell even a whole ass snake if you wanna be on your Bruce Wayne shit一 better yet, your T’challa shit with a whole ass panther (black panther ain’t real soooo y’all can get a black puma and call that bitch a panther lmfaoooooo)

- He’s asking you to a dinner date and then you say you’re ready…. Wearing pretty little things…. Missguided… honey. (Nah ain’t shit wrong wit those brands, they be having bangers tbh and sales like a bitch) Let him upgrade youuuuuuu. You only wear Givenchy, Yves Saint Laurent, Burberry, Balmain, etc. Try walking out there looking a damn mess and distasteful… just try it sis 

- Speaking of which… my mans got you with hair too! Fuck you mean ?1?! 

- He had a black s/o in the past, even though her hair had loose curls… we won’t discredit her. He has some knowledge on how curl hair works, and if he’s lacking, he as a whole library and might fuck around and ask Bonnie in exchange for some witchy ingrdients (im cdfuuuuuu)

- Name, braids, twists, locs, finger waves. Wanna shave bald??? He’s for it, let him get you his barber. Fuck it, he’ll get you Marcel’s barber. Lined up and all that shit, throw in a fade too

- And coming in for wash day, he’s sitting behind you days in advance helping you take down your hair after a month or two. Grey sweatpants, scissors in hand, spray bottle to the side with Netflix as background music…. Fuck with it. You’re all tired after doing like 8 and he tells you to take it easy, with vamp speed and the deterixty of those fingers…. *chefs kiss*

- He sets up a lil wash day station for you, or if he’s on the clock just books a whole salon for you alone already paid for. But if he’s doing the work, best believe he spent the coinssss COINS for the organic shampoo shit you have the refrigerator and the deep conditioner, AND THE FUCKING LEAVE IN. He’s keeping your shit moisturized in the winter. His big hands and gentle fingers helping detangle your hair, you in a fluffy robe, enjoying being loved on….

- Y’all didn't even get me started on him doing twists… or plaits, or the bantu knots, the concentration on his face

- IDK why I gotta say this… nails done too, he loves the feel of your nails gliding on his scalp and down on his back when he’s giving you those slow strokes. 

- This doesn’t have to do with anything, but the fact that the originals were set in New Orleans which is mostly BLACK BLACK BLACK BLAAACCCKKKKK and I saw like 3 black people in that bitch, ong….. Julie Pleck, you basic bitch

- Anyways, I feel like Elijah in a trench coat coming to pick you up from work would be such a vibe and a mood. Like, he knows when you get off and you might just take public transportation or something to have some sort of independence. But he shows up after work when you’re leaving with some friends from work…. Nigga shows up in a dark blue cadillac, trenchcoat with the collar up, leather gloves… and a fresh cut

- Who tf let him out the house??

- And ik you’re friends trifling too asking who is he, a damn fine tall glass of milké

- And he’s just leaning against the door waiting for you and once he sees you, he waits for you expectedly and kisses your forehead in greeting and gets the door for you

- Speaking of driving, Elijah be too damn serious, and that’s were you come in. 

- I need him and the Miakelson’s at a cookout doing line dancing, the electric slide, cupid shuffle (and give Rebekak some goddamn friends shit, she everyone stay chasing love and shit but have 0 friends and boundaries, they drag family though the mud) 

- Like I need him out his suit and in some dark jeans, a solid white v-neck, rolex on his wrist, and white air forces

- Sitting there, kinda out of place until he settles in. Like I deadass see him asking where the tables are at the cookout and like… you break it to him he’s gonna have to do the table legs for that shit

- And the plastic cutlery! LMFAOOOOO his soul is slightly quaking

- And its finna be a whole ass test when an uncle comes up and grabs him by the shoulder in a greeting and tries to fill in the seat for spades or even worse…. Dominoes…. That’s it. It’s over. Elijah been alive for too long and knows every play in the book and can bluff his ass off

- But if we talking dominoes… we gon have the boondocks animation version of a nigga moments cuz y’all fights will be started, money will be lost…. To Elijah. In the end he gives it back bc he’s a good sport and bc humiliation is a greater victory 

- Lmfaoooo and the quiet drive back, you’re exhausted but the music station is playing throwbacks and Usher’s climax comes on and bitch… the high notes, the lamp posts that give you both a glimpse of each other’s side profiles. And for once Elijah is relaxed and coming down from his amusement. No one is trying to kill him or his siblings, and good food albeit greasy in his stomach.

- Dare he say he felt human for a moment

- You staring out the window and softly singing along enjoying what the day was, Elijah loving the ambiance created. Mmmmmm such a mood

- THAT BEING SAID imagine you and Elijah on a long drive and “I Mean It” by G- Eazy comes on and you start singing along bc data is expensive over long ass drives and being stuck in traffic. And Elijah is giving you a bemused look, you in all your glorious wonder and you just make the lyrics more dramatic ashit trying to be a heartbreaker and all that. But, the true heart breaker is Elijah

- He comes in on the verse and gives you all eye contact, lips completely sync but your can kinda hear his voice keep the tempo…. Bitch this makes me feel some type of way… and as he’s going on he grabs your face and tilts your chin up OOOOUUUU gets up all close and personal and finishes the lyrics which is perfectly timed with when the light turns green and turns back like nothing just happened. There yo are aping like a fish bc tbh if anyone could rap it’d probably be Kol, he’s like the emnemin mixed with busta rhymes type, but tone it down….

- Bitch imma go fantasize rapping Elijah, y’all been slept

- And for those asking yes, I do write for black readers, mor specifically female but I can try male

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

HASO, “Family Dynamics.”

Thought you guys might enjoy this today.

A lot of you have been asking for more Conn in the stories, so I hope you enjoy :)

“Wow, would you look at that.”

“No.”

“Wow.” “No. Hopping on the nope train and taking a ride to nopeville….. Nope absolutely not.”

“Come on, Krill, isn’t it just….. Just awesome!.”

“That, that right there is an absolute  raging death trap.” “Oh come on>” Adam said, hands on his hips as he stared up at the rocket.. THe Saturn V replica down to the last bolt. He grinned and danced around on his toes in a circle, “This is gonna be so cool!”

Krill turned to look at Adam, “No, no this is not cool, Adam. I am serious this time, not joking. I really don’t want you going in that thing. And with the assassination attempts and…. All that is going on with the GA leaders….” He looked at Adam Very pointedly here, “I don’t think you should do this.”

“Are you serious, a once in a lifetime opportunity and you want me to just say no because there is a possibility someone Might try to kill me?”

“Um…. YES.”

Adam crossed his arms, “Krill, I refuse to let myself live in fear when there is life to be lived.”

Krill turned to look hopefully over at Eris who was standing quietly by his side. She shook her head at him.

“He isn’t going to change his mind.”

“Can you at least try?”

She sighed, “Ok.”

Gently Eris took one of his hands forcing him to look at her, “Da…..Adam think about it please, there are a lot of powerful people after you, powerful and with resources. If they want to kill you, then this will be the perfect time to do it. They could put it off as some horrible accident, and no one would be the wiser.” She paused as he looked back at her, “I can see that this isn’t going to change your mind either.”

He smiled, “This is what I have my people for.” HE took the two of them by the shoulders and led them to where they could overlook the command station in the distance, “In there, right now, there are elements of the criminal underworld that owe me a favor, looking for any clues to indicate an attempt on my life.” He grinned, “Also, I have two secret weapons.”

He put his arm around Eris and then turned his head to look up at the sky.

Eris and Krill followed his lead.

Krill groaned, and Eris went wide eyed.

As a starborn descended from the sky ribbons flapping hands outstretched dropping from heaven like an ethereal angel. Sunlight bounced off his skin as he moved slowly downward hands held out to the side fingers outstretched. She stepped forward and- was immediately hit with a wall of his thoughts.

She no longer saw him as ethereal.

He was an asshole.

Conn drifted towards the ground but didn’t touch ribbons swirling around him seaweed undulating in a dark sea: Yes her thoughts about him had changed that much, he had gone from angel to seaweed rather quickly in her head.

He turned his eyes to her.

‘Who invited you’

Eris frowned, “I-

Adam glowered at Conn, “Be nice to her.”

Conn turned his head to look at Eris and drifted closer looking her over, ‘Oh daddy issues I see, well who doesn't.” He turned to look up at Adam, ‘Gotta love people borrowing your DNA for craft projects especially when they give you kids a little too early.”

Adam was not able to hide the thought that came marching to the forefront of his mind.

You know that’s interesting considering your starborn DNA was the most easily accessible before Eris was born.

He didn’t say it out loud, but he didn’t need to.

Eris made a face, and Conn drew back.

“HIM!”

Shit, Adam thought

“I never said that.”

“But you were thinking it.” She retorted turning on him with her eyes narrowed before turning to look back at Conn, who floated in shock behind her.

Adam held up his hands, “Woah now, I can’t be for sure, it just makes sense.”

Eris turned back to where Conn was floating and made another face, “But, but HIM. I don’t want…. I, I can’t be related to HIM.”

Adam sighed, “Being able to read his thoughts must be a bitch eh?”

Of course at the moment Conn wasn’t really having any thoughts. It was mostly just TV static with an undercurrent of the thoughts of people around him amplifying them even more in Eris’s head. Which is why she could hear Dr Krill quietly inching away as he wondered if he should tell them or nah?

He hd suspected as much the moment they had seen Eris, and learned that the DNA being used was Adam’s.

It had been easy enough to get Adam’s DNA strands from the original hybrids….. The adaptids….. But they would have needed other aliens to pair him with. And there was only one known starborn available to steal DNA from.

Conn’s static continued.

Eris groaned and put her hands to her head.

Adam rubbed his forehead, “Well, on the bright side, you turned out more like your human side of the family.” That’s when the static in Conn’s head fizzled out and he turned to look at Adam. With a sudden Evil grin, which he must have been practicing, for it seemed far to human for him, He floated over and grabbed both of them around the shoulders, “Isn’t this sweet, now we can all be one big happy family.’

“Get off me Conn.” Adam grumbled 

He just squeezed tighter, though as a starborn the strength was somewhat lacking. ‘Don’t talk like that, you and I have a beautiful daughter together. Just look at her. She’s got your internal organs and my skin. Isn’t that lovely.”

“Conn I swear if you keep touching me I will punch you and probably break something.”

Conn made like he was sighing as he pulled away, “You know, as her parents we should really be trying to set an example for a healthy loving relationship. A family that plays together-”

He floated away quickly before Adam could swipe at him missing the strike by mere inches.

“Domestic assault in this household!”

Eris hid her face in her hands, “Oh no.”

She was definitely not sure how she was supposed to feel about this. One the one hand, she was at least glad that he wasn’t repulsed by the idea of her existing. However, on the other hand, it was likely that her paternal starborn side was Conn! The thought made her nauseous . Reading his thoughts made her feel the same way. Clearly this creature, whatever he was had never grown out of petty pranks, and intense sarcasm.

More annoyingly, he seemed to have the ability to hide things from her just by NOT thinking about them. She learned nothing about his past, or really his more internal thoughts. He only let her see what she wanted to see, and what he wanted her to see made her more annoyed the more she thought about it.

“I’m so excited, aren't you. Finally reunited at last!”

Adam sighed, “This is now how I planned this. Conn you stupid bastard, I called you down here to do a job for me.”

“You wouldn’t call your hubby stupid would you?”

Adam looked like he was about to turn green, “Never in a million years would I ever even consider that. In fact, I think I would rather shoot myself out the airlock an have all the nitrogen bubble out of my blood thank you very much.:”

“One night stands happen.”

“Conn I swear if you keep going down this metaphor. I am going to commit murder. Never in a million years would I touch you with a nine and a half foot pole, end of story.”

“Excuse me for being skeptical as you have been known to date aliens in the past.”

“That was Sunny, who is arguably, not even arguably, but she IS smart, talented, funny, a total badass, and a fucking gem, while you are a creepy little space gremlin.”

“Yet I have a kid with you and she doesn’t sooooooo, forgive me if I say I win.”

“We can’t be for sure that she’s yours.”

“I demand a paternity test.”

“Conn, if you don’t let this go right now I am going to rip your spine out through your back and let Waffles chew on it.”

“Bold of you to assume I have a spine.”

Adam took a eep long-suffering breath, “I am done with this conversation, now I called you down here for a reason, and that reason is that I need you two watching out for something going wrong. Eris, as a member of my family you will be allowed inside mission control to watch what is going on. Your job is to make sure that no one is planning my death from the inside.” he turned his head in Conn’s direction and flipped him the bird as he continued to speak, “You on the other hand are in charge of the engineers. I know you don’t give a shit about boundaries, so your job is to hang around the engineers and the rocket hangers to see if any of them had a hand in sabotaging the mission. If you can get near the chairwoman, or the UN President, than do what you can. I need to know how deep all of this goes.” He turned his head to Eris, “You are probably going to be able to get closer to everyone than Conn can. People know he is a starborn and they know what he can do. No one will assume  anything about you if you keep your head low.”

She smiled, “Already done.” A little part of her leaped inside, and she felt giddy. Adam needed her to help protect him! She was being useful for once! Not to mention that this meant he trusted her and….. She turned a side eye on conn, Then again, that probably meant that Adam trusted him too.

The starborn grinned at her again, showing rows and rows of of sharp circular teeth.

She winced and looked away.

Gross 

“I have to get going, but you two should get to work. This is going to be a long week.”

He whistles once, and Waffles jumped up from where she had been resting at his side, and gently trotted after him as he walked away back towards the command station. Eris started after him and Conn floated up next to her.

“What an unexpectedly delightful day, don’t you think.”

“Can you be less creepy please.”

“It runs in the family Eris, you have the creepy inside you too. Embrace it!”

She shoved him away with one hand and ran to catch up with Adam.

She could hear conn laughing behind her as he floated away towards the hangers.

She glanced over his shoulder as she grabbed onto Adam’s arm, “Why is he so weird!”

Adam shrugged, “I think something happened to him when he was first born. I would say that he was dropped on his head, but that’s probably not accurate. Think i heard something about him having been isolated from his clan for the first few thousand years with his dead mother, but I don’t know if that’s true or if it’s just something he made up. Either way I think whatever happened to him kind of made him psycho.”

She glanced over her shoulder to the figure floating off into the distance, “Than why do you keep him around?”

He sighed, “Unfortunately, his abilities are invaluable. The ability to bring him alone when it comes to negotiations, or to talk with new alien species speeds up both diplomatic missions and learning new languages.” He sighed, “Also, as far as I can tell he is pretty loyal. He always does everything I ask him to do as long as it is important enough. Sure if I asked him to pick up after himself he’d probably flip me the bird and go floating in the other direction. But every time something big and important has happened, he has always been relatively reliable. A part of me wonders if he just doesn’t know how to interact with people, and somewhere deep down there is a desire to be wanted, but that’s not something I can prove.” He glanced pointedly at her.

She shook her head, “Sorry, he’s pretty good at hiding what’ he’s thinking.”

Adam grunted, “A real pity. Now-” He turned to look at her, placing his hands on her shoulders and looking her in the eye, “Stay low. If you hear anything, don’t try to do anything about it yourself. Call my ship, either Sunny or Ramirez and they will deal with everything. If you see someone wearing a red pin with a white rocket on it, then those are our undercover guys, and they should be able to help you too. But it’s likely you will know who they are anyway.”

He looked her in the eyes, “Whatever happens, your safety comes first, not mine. You got that/”

She nodded eagerly even though she knew that last instruction was a lie.

He was more important than her.

And she was going to make sure that he stayed safe.

[santigarcia]

Joystick 🕹

Human Touch Part Four

Part One | Part Two | Part Three

word count: 1.5k

rating: M/E for sexual themes, smut (pls only read if youre 18+), tw daddy kink 

summary: Nathan finds you looking up a sex question and he’s more than happy to answer....

a/n: thank you all so much for reading this series! let me know what yall think! thank you to @punkpascal and @sergeantkane

It’s late and the screen from your laptop is the only light in the room. Nathan is in the next room working on his computers. You know any minute he’ll join you for bed. You keep checking the door as you read article after article.

“How to give an amazing blowjob.”

Really you just need to know how to give one period. Nathan ate you out the other day, several times in fact. And you want to get on your knees for him. But that insecurity plagues your mind. You’ve never given head before. He’s had to teach you everything; which you both enjoy. He’s turned on by it, and so are you. But this one feels different. You want to be able to please him like he deserves.

You’re flustered reading all these articles. Some are simple and tame, while others get right down to the gory details and that makes you nervous. What if you’re not good? What if- oh shit he’s coming.

You slam your laptop closed the second he walks in the door.

“That’s not suspicious at all,” he chuckles flopping down on the bed with a sigh. He takes off his glasses and sets them on the bedside table with a clatter. “What were you looking at?” he hums and curls into you, kissing your arm.

“Porn,” you lie. And it’s a bad lie.

“Ooh see anything you wanna try?” he sits up and reaches for your laptop, but you pull it from him.

“Wait-, it wasn’t porn ok?”

You hear him sigh in the dark, and he turns on the nightstand lamp. He blinks at you in the changing light and puts his glasses back on.

“What was it? You’re obviously upset.”

“Promise you won’t laugh?”

“Scouts honor.”

“You were a boy scout?” you smile. He rolls his eyes and sighs; he wants to know what you’re hiding from him. He can’t handle secrets kept from him.

“What were you looking at?”

You’re too shy to even say it, so you open your laptop to show him the Bluebook search screen with dozens of blow job articles.

“I’ve never given one,” you whisper meekly.

“Come on,” he stands up and beckons you with his hands.

“Where are we going?” you ask him as he grabs your hand and pulls you down the hall. The automatic light turns on in the living room, but he turns it down to a dim light. He pulls off his shirt and sits down on the couch.

“Let me teach you. No better person to learn then from the one you’ll be giving them to.”

“What if I’m not-“

“Baby, I’m a really good teacher,” his lips curl into a smirk.

You let out a shaky sigh and kneel in front of his spread legs. Immediately you reach for the waistband of his shorts.

“Wait,” he stops you. “You’re not gonna kiss me first?” He’s got that smug smile on, he’s a little too eager about getting blown. It’s been a while.

You smile back and crawl into his lap to kiss him. He lulls his head back against the couch and you feel his body relax.

“You want him to relax,” he says, “and you want to be relaxed. Set the tone a little. Make him want it. Make him want you. And I fuckin’ want you, but-“ he shrugs “I like to be teased,” he gives you a playful grin.

So, tease him you do. You kiss his lips for a few more moments, then drift down to his neck and chest. His abs tighten when you place kisses on his stomach, and his body jerks up when you grab his shorts to pull them down.

He reaches for his dick, hard and resting on his stomach – but you smack his hand away.

“Good girl,” he praises, “you’re learning.” But he winces, he needs your touch.

“Use your words,” you pout your lip messing with him. He’s so turned on by you that it hurts.

“Okay, just- the tip.”

You reach for him and he moans. You squeeze him like he showed you, and you see his tip leaking with his desire. You lick your lips and put your mouth around the tip of him. His moan is strangled, this is a pleasure he’s been long without.

“Use your tongue, lips- take me as deep as you- FUCK,” his chest heaves as you take him as deep as you can. You just guess at first, but then his moans tell you what you need to know. He moans every time you move your tongue. He’s white knuckling the couch cushions and you’ve barely done anything. But to him that’s all he needs, a good warm mouth.

But it’s not just any mouth.

It’s yours. And that doubles the pleasure for him when he looks down to see you on your knees taking him deep.

“Touch-“ he grabs your hands and guides you with his hand over yours. He shows you how to squeeze what you can’t fit in your mouth, and how he likes his balls touched. You do everything he shows you but multiply it. He’s groaning under you and it fills you with pride and desire.

His hand grabs a hold of your head and keeps you in the place. You’re wet now from the intensity of the moment.

One good suck and squeeze of his balls and he shouts that he’s about to come. He tries to pull you off him, but you stay as he comes in your mouth.

Tears are in your eyes and you choke a little on him and he’s gone limp on the couch.

“You good kitten?” he sighs sitting up. “Fuck, come here,” he pulls you up into his lap and he wipes the tears from your eyes. “Did I go too hard?”

“Not at all,” you curl into him, “my eyes just watered,” you laugh. “Did I do okay though?” You’re too shy to look at him. Even though you just had him in your mouth, and he felt good- you don’t know how good.

“Kitten,” he strokes your cheek making you look at him. “You were unreal,” he smirks. “Did you not hear me moaning?” he chuckles and kisses your forehead. “Fuckin’ perfect.”

“I guess I did have a good teacher,” you giggle.

“See what happens when you listen to me?”

You sit in his lap for a moment, but then you gasp when his hand snakes between your legs and teases you through your clothes.

“You wanna come baby?”

You nod and he grips your hips.

“You gotta do what I say, you hear me?” he’s testing the waters. Seeing how bossy he can get with you. It only makes you wetter for him. He guides you to stand up and he pulls his shorts back up, and he yanks yours down. He leaves your underwear on you and pulls you down to straddle his thigh.

“You’re gonna ride baby, and you can’t come until I say.”

Your eyes widen, but he knows it’s a good sign.

One hand is on your hip, the other reaches around to grab your ass. He guides your body, molds you to ride his sturdy thigh. The friction from your underwear and the warmth from his skin is delicious. There’s a slight scrape from his leg hair on your thighs and you’re quivering.

“I can feel how wet you are kitten,” his grip is tighter, the friction has you close. “Tell me when you’re close baby. Gonna try something.”

“Please!” you whine, “I’m almost there, almost-“

“Ok kitten, I’m gonna countdown for you. Yeah? Gonna do what I say?”

“Yes daddy-“ the term slips out, but you moan. His brow shoots up. A new level unlocked.

“You gonna come for me? Kitten? Let daddy make you feel good?” He whispers right in your ear, and he feels your thighs squeeze around his. You choke out a gasp and rub yourself faster on his thigh, not caring how desperate you look.

“I’m gonna count down from 5. You come when I get to 1. Got it?” He waits for you to acknowledge, then he starts to count.

“Five.” He tightens the muscle in his thigh, causing you to clench.

“Four.” He digs your body in deep to his skin.

“Three.” He presses his thumb to your clit and moves.

“Two.” He pushes your panties aside, so your heat is directly touching his skin. Your slick touches his warm thigh, and you gasp.

“One. Come. Now.” He commands, and you’re close but not yet.

His hand lightly smacks your ass, and you yelp. The movement slid your clit along his leg and that toppled you over the edge.

“Oh fuck, good girl,” he chuckles. He picks up the pace of helping your body rub along his. You shudder and collapse onto his chest and he’s proud. “Feelin good baby? You did so good. I can’t wait to watch this one back.”

“What?” you sit up looking at him.

“Oh yeah,” he shrugs, “I have cameras all over this place.” He points behind you to the wall and you see one of them. “We put on a good show, I think. Though you were the star.”

tagging: @pascal-isaac, @wasicskosgirl, @velvetmel0n, @huliabitch, @shadow-assassin-blix, @writefightandflightclub, @aellynera, @softboywriting, @veuliee2, @spider-starry, @mylifeliterally, @millllenniawrites, @ntlmundy, @foxilayde, @writingletterstothefire, @mandoplease, @anetteaneta, @feelmyroarrrr, @artsymaddie, @shakespeareanwannabe, @poedameronsbeard, @deanfanatic67, @magicsuperheroes, @phoenixhalliwell, @that-one-weird-one, @mariesackler, @yourbucky084, @woakiees​

[queensofthekastle]

For the dialogue prompt -- how's about 42?? :]

HOLY SHIT OK IT TOOK ME A MONTH BUT I'VE DONE IT. FINALLY. Life was just happening everywhere, thanks for waiting me out. 🙏

TW: descriptions and references to racist police violence.

The prompt was "I'm only here to establish an alibi." I was totally stuck--what could be blamed on Frank that he wouldn't have actually done? Canonically to the comics (though I commend the show for not giving a flying fuck about whether Frank went after glorified DHS cops who were dirty) the only things Frank won't touch are bystanders, cops, and active duty military.

And then I had it. Because 2020 has been A Year and I'm still processing some shit. So, here we go.

-Stellar

************************************

The door rattles under a succinct knock at 2:45 am—just when Karen had been so close to falling asleep, caught in that limbo of vague consciousness and wandering thoughts just on the cusp of falling into dreams. So, it’s with more irritation than concern that she drags herself out of bed after the second round of door-bludgeoning. It being post-closing time on a Friday—well, Saturday now—she's fairly confident what she’ll find through the peephole will be a drunk neighbor with the wrong apartment. It wouldn’t be the first time, nor, probably, the last.

A cautious look through the peephole does not reveal one of her gregarious bar-hopping neighbors though, but a still figure; hood pulled close around his face to shadow shifting eyes that look black as ink in the low, shit light of the apartment hallway. Frank has a lovely mouth, but it’s set now in a tense line. Karen’s heart picks up speed, a fullness in her chest and a pressure in her veins—middle of the night, tense Frank is never a good sign. Though he doesn’t seem to be bleeding from anywhere, which is more than can be said for some of his other visits.

She undoes the door chain, and she’s quietly but earnestly asking “what’s going on?” before she even has the door open wide enough for him to see her face.

“Nothing.” He says, voice rough and low, but calm. “I just need someone to know it’s nothing.”

He looks askance, looks at her. She allows herself a sigh.

“What does that even mean, Frank?”

He shifts his weight and looks at her from under the shadow of his hood. 

“I’m only here to establish an alibi.”

“Because you didn’t do something, or because you did?”

“Didn’t,” he says, and she believes him. She always does. It’s one piece of why he’s so dear to her: Frank never lies to her, and she never lies to him.

“This should be interesting,” she says, and opens the door far enough for him to step through. When she’s closed it behind him she asks if he’d like a drink. He answers without looking her in the eye, mind working on something else far away from her little apartment—he asks for his usual, of course. Only Frank would suggest coffee this near to 3:00 am.

“Not sleeping tonight?” she asks. He shrugs one shoulder.

“Guess not.”

“Uh-huh. So you didn’t do anything, but you’re pulling an all-nighter in my apartment? I’m going to need an explanation here soon, Frank.”

He hovers beside the hutch that acts as her kitchen island without looking any more settled than he had out in the hall. His jaw works for a moment before he answers.

“I don’t know how much you want to know. Let's just say I ran into someone with a mission about like mine and I’m giving her space to work.”

“Oh. God. A Punisher copycat? Jesus, Frank. The law turns a blind eye to one of you, I doubt you’ll get away with two.”

“Nah,” he says, “nothing like that. I’m it. This is a one-time thing—lady's got some things to get out of her system. I only found out because she was after the same supply chain I was.”

“Supply chain?”

“Ammo,” he says flatly. Karen holds her next blink a little too hard and a little too long. But he is what he is—she accepts that again every time she opens her door to him—and she doesn’t comment except to ask:

“Who is this person after that you aren’t?”

“It’s probably better you don't ask. If someone comes sniffing after me about it you should be able to say you didn’t know anything.”

“So if one of your Homeland ‘friends' shows up to see if you’re testing their good graces what do I tell them, then? That you just showed up at three in the morning for a chat? No one is going to buy that.”

He shifts, not quite shrugging, looking off into space with the raised eyebrows of feigned innocence.

“Just say I saw your light on, came to say hi.”

“Right. And you were walking around Hell’s Kitchen to see my light on in the first place because . . .?”

“Couldn’t sleep. Hoping maybe if I tried my luck with a walk I’d find you up.”

Karen sighs, turning away to pour his coffee. She’s made it thick as hot asphalt for him, in part because she knows he likes that, in part because she’s so damn tired she’d lost track of how many grounds she was piling into the coffeemaker. Frank takes the mug she offers him with a low “thank you.” And sure enough, after a sip, he smiles.

“You always make my kind of coffee,” he says.

“It’s an easy recipe,” she says, leaning over the counter opposite him, “just make it so no sane person would drink it.”

He laughs, a very short, low sound that rumbles in his chest and rasps in his throat. 

“Dare I ask what you were actually in the neighborhood for?” She asks. “If insomnia is your alibi?”

“Probably shouldn't. Let’s just say I had a meeting.”

Karen quirks an eyebrow, conveying as much skepticism with the look as she can.

“Meeting as in you’re probably accessory to whatever it is this friend of yours is doing?”

“Something like that, yeah.”

Karen fixes him with her best piercing journalist stare. He drinks his coffee. They stalemate that way in silence for a minute or so before he meets her eyes and speaks.

“There are some things I don’t touch,” he says. “People doing their jobs, following shit orders and shit training and fucking up in the process—shit I’ve done, Afghanistan . . . I wouldn’t have a leg to stand on. Would be a hypocrite. It’s not my place. And I guess you could call it self-preservation, too. Doesn’t mean I don’t think about it, though.”

“Think about…?”

He takes a long drink, eyeing her over the top of the mug, making some calculation she can’t guess at.

“You know any Latin?” he says finally. “Quis custodiet ipsos custodes mean anything to you?”

It does, and for a moment, she’s sure her heart has stopped.

“Oh, no,” she says. “Who watches the watchmen. Tell me this is what I think it is.”

“I’m not telling you anything, don’t worry.”

“Frank,” she hisses. She doesn’t need his sarcasm right now. She thinks she knows what it could be that he won’t touch and still endorse: with Frank it’s always either war or justice, and every headline for the last month has been about the absence of justice on a battlefield where he could never hope to win. Cops in the city conveniently overlook Frank. He gets the ones they can’t, they have no vested interest in handing him over so long as he doesn’t mess with them. It’s an unspoken arrangement that lets Frank do what he does—and what he does lets him stand to live. Karen knows that. They’ve been over it enough. The police let Frank slip through their fingers and he doesn’t pick a fight in exchange.

But it’s been a long summer, and every day of it has been a fight with police for the thousands of protesters gathering over and over throughout the city. In early June a beat cop—White, of course—used a kind of handheld Taser repeatedly on an unarmed Black man “resisting arrest" for a crime he didn’t commit. Cell phone footage from witnesses made it online despite the NYPD's best efforts, and all anyone saw when watching it wasn’t a criminal resisting, but a victim on his knees, clutching his chest, begging please, please, I have a heart condition, I have a pacemaker, before the cop shocked him again. And again. Until he wasn’t on his knees but prone on the ground, gone still and silent.

The officer was reinstated after a paid leave six days ago. The DA declined to prosecute. 

And yesterday, the innocent man, having spent weeks in a coma induced by heart failure, was declared dead.

Frank looks Karen hard in the eye, an unflinching stare that says he knows she understands. She puts her face in her hands.

“There’s shitstorm coming, isn’t there?” she says.

“Probably.”

She shakes her head, drops it into her hands again. She can feel him watching her. A minute ticks by. Maybe two.

“Karen.”

She lifts her eyes just enough to meet his.

“You feel you gotta do something with this?” he asks. It neither a judgement nor a threat. She worries her lip for a moment before answering.

“This person you know of,” she says slowly, “they won’t implicate you?”

“No.”

“And do you know enough of their plan that you could stop them? Tip someone off?”

He takes a long drink, holding her with those deep inkdark eyes, and for the first time, he lies to her.

“No. Nothing.”

She knows it’s a lie. She knows he wants her to know. She could call him on it and he wouldn’t deny it. But she doesn’t. 

All she says is “then I guess there’s nothing we could do,” holding his eyes while she speaks, making sure he understands what’s happening here.

Frank nods. It’s enough.

Karen looks away, stares at her hands folded in front of her, tracing the patterns of veins under pale skin.

After a moment she asks, “would you like anything stronger?”

Frank looks at her with cool appraisal that says what he won’t out loud—that somehow, on some level, he helped with what’s to come. And he knows she’s letting him get away with it.

“No thanks,” he says. “But you go ahead.”

And she does. She falls asleep beside him on the couch, drunk with her head resting on his shoulder, sometime after 4:30, an economy bottle of wine that started full and is now half gone still out on the coffee table.

On Monday, Ellison will ask her to look into the story of a body found charred beyond recognition in an NYPD patrol car.

She’ll tell him there was nothing she could dig up, and never mention it again. 

[wiypt-writes]

Leave No One Behind

Ch2- The Red Sea Diving Resort : Part 2 Co written with @icanfeelastormbrewing​

Just a reminder- episode Warnings: Bad Language words. Allusions to death and serious injury.

Leave No One Behind Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Part 1

Later that night Ari headed out to meet Kabede who took him to the refugee camp. It was dirty, crowded, there was hardly any food…and then there was the woman. She’d shouted at both Ari and Kabede for bringing her to the camp exclaiming that her father had died, her husband was missing and her son was sick. Ari left feeling like shit, determined to do what he could, as soon as he could.

By the time he arrived back at the resort it was already dawn. As he parked the jeep he spotted Hannah walking down the sand towards the main part of the resort dressed in a pair of denim shorts and a tank top. He gave her a shout and she stopped and turned to face him, her hand shielding her eyes from the rising sun.

“You’re up early.” he smiled at her.

“None of us have been to bed.” she shrugged “We had too much to do, making the place habitable. We’ve figured out what each of the staff do…oh, and we also now have functioning showers. Max and Sammy got the hot water running.” she smirked slightly, nodding at him “You should take one…”

“Do I smell that bad?” he teased.

“Not considering you’ve been in those clothes for like, what? 48 hours?”

“Fuck knows.” he shrugged.

“How did it go?”

Ari took a sigh, his hands dropping to his hips “Honestly? It was horrible. There’s hundreds of them crowded in there Han. They’re sick and…”He ran a hand over his face as Hannah waited for him to continue “There was one woman there, she was crying, saying she’d left her home for nothing and she’d lost her husband and…”

“Well I know how she feels.” Hannah said softly as her hand moved to her neck involuntarily, and Ari saw her eyes flutter shut when she realised her necklace wasn’t there. She’d left it at home, for the same reason his Star of David chain was on his bedside table in his apartment- they were too obvious, invited too many questions, pointed to a part of their real lives and they couldn’t afford anything at all to do so.

“Firefly…you know, if I could change anything, about what happened…”

“But you can’t Ari.” she said softly before she took a deep breath “Andy knew the risks, we both did…” and just like that the walls were back up, and her face had recovered. “Come on, we should get some breakfast and then you can fill everyone in properly.”

With that she reached out to gently touch his arm before she headed off towards the hotel.

Ari watched her go. He hadn't reacted to her soft touch, not even a smile back or even a squeeze of her hand. The skin on his arm was burning where she had placed her hand but he was frozen on the spot consumed by guilt. Guilt about what he had just witnessed a few hours prior and guilt about what he was sure Hannah was feeling thanks to his desire to bring up Andy, once again, to purge his guilt. Fucking asshole, Levinson.

She reached the spot by the tables at the back of the resort where Max was stood having breakfast. He watched the rising sun glowing on her shoulders' skin, her hair blowing due to the sea breeze. Again, fucking asshole, Levinson.

"You ok, Cracker?" Max asked Hannah when she reached him by the back of the building.  He was concerned about the sad smile on her face.

"Yup." She answered and in a flash Max saw that sad simile turn into a wicked grin. But before he could ask what it was about, Hannah had stolen the toast that was in his hand and entered the building.

"Thank you for breakfast, Maltese Falcon." she quipped.

Max stood there, looking at her and then at his empty hand before sighing and following her back in. What was with these lot and fucking up his meals? 

Ari chuckled lightly as he watched the scene. That was the Hannah he had met all those years ago, the annoying but lively little sister. Firefly. He ran his hands through his hair before stretching a bit and heading back to the main building to freshen up and give instructions to the team.

Half an hour later they all had finished breakfast and the local staff were busy doing their assigned chores. Rachel had explained she had been talking to them and had instructed them to resume the usual jobs each one of them had been doing when the previous owners ran the resort. She had made a list with the names of the staff along with their designated tasks, and had asked them to address to her for any doubt or question, as she was the general manager of the hotel. 

When Ari made sure none of the staff were within earshot, he started to explain the situation the refugees he had visited the previous night with Kabede were in.

"It’s worse than we thought. We have to do something as soon as possible." Ari said and stopped as he could hear a pair of men from the staff speaking in Sudanese.

"It's too dangerous to speak here." Hannah said looking over her shoulder to where the voices came from.

"They are just discussing who cleans the kitchen floor." Rachel offered.

"Still. We need to come up with a way to speak more privately." Ari added.

"We could do it on the beach...." Sam started.

"Wait. The boats! We could tell the staff we're looking for diving spots, testing the waters." Jake cut in.

"Great idea, Jake. Let's go for it." Ari grinned.

"Have we unpacked the wetsuits yet?" Max asked looking at Hannah and she shook her head.

"We don't need them. We arrived only yesterday and we want to explore the surroundings there's nothing odd about that." Ari conceded.

They hopped on one of the boats and Jake steered it a few hundred yards off the shore where he cut the engine and allowed the soft waves and current to simply hold them in place as Ari began telling the group about his trip to the camp and his thoughts on their first run.

“Friday's holy to Muslims, so we'll have less military on the street.” Ari nodded as he took off his jacket. The sun was already blazing hot and he could feel it on his arms as he folded the jacket, dropping it to the floor of the boat. “We need a dark night, darkest Friday of the month”

“When is that?” Max asked.

“In two weeks.” Rachel answered him.

“Two weeks. Two weeks it is, then.”  Ari nodded. “Kabede's going to get two trucks from the locals, something inconspicuous that we can park out front of the hotel.” he said, pointing out of the boat back to the shore.

“We should do a dry run.” Sam said, “Familiarize ourselves with the terrain.”

“Jake, we gotta make sure the Navy's on time.” Ari looked at the man.

“What if they can't be?” Jake asked.

“I don’t care, tell them they don't have a choice.” Ari said, an air of urgency in his voice as he shrugged.

“I said, we should do a dry run.” Sam spoke again and Hannah looked at him, taking a deep breath as once more Ari ignored her bother.  

“Max, you and Rachel go with Kabede to get the trucks.” he instructed and Sammy gave a sarcastic scoff of laughter.

“Guess we're not doing a dry run.”

“They're dying, Sammy.” Ari said softly, and everyone turned to face him.  “They're sick, and they're starving. And we're not gonna sit here and enjoy Aziz's fucking cooking, working on our suntan while they're out there suffering, not if we can do something about it.” Max glanced at Hannah who was looking at her feet, before he sat up and cracked his neck. She winced and looked at him.

“I fucking hate it when you do that, you jerk.” she glared, reaching over to shove him. It wasn’t a particularly harsh push in his chest, but it threw him off balance enough to make him wobble backwards, almost sending him over the side of the boat.

“Easy Cracker!” he said, as the rest of the team gave a soft chuckle, the tension of the moment relived slightly as he pointed at her “Just so you know, I go in, you’re coming with me.”

She snorted and looked around, and Ari smiled as Max took a deep breath.

“Sam?” Ari looked at his friend who simply shrugged

“Better start making arrangements.” he replied, raising his eyebrows.

***** Over the next two weeks, in between the preparation they were making for the Mission, the team spent their time ensuring the Resort was cleaned up as much as possible, so that it at least looked passable from the outside. The days consisted of breakfast, work, lunch, work, dinner, drinks, work, bed. They’d done a supply run, stocked up the bar and collected the first supply box that had been shipped out from Ethan which to Hannah and Rachel’s’ delight contained a number of LPs which the girls spent a lot of time listening and dancing to.

The mood was largely light, growing serious when they were planning the mission in depth but overall it was happy, despite the few disagreements Ari and Sammy had over a few minor points. But then, one Wednesday morning drew round, and the mood was noticeably much more sombre. For good reason.

“You ok?” Max asked as Hannah reached into the middle of the table for the coffee pot. She nodded and made herself a drink before she simply turned made to walk away.

“Red?” Jake looked at her, but she ignored him and headed away from the table.

Max watched her go before he turned back to the table. He shared a glance with Ari who was watching Hannah’s back, before he turned his blue eyes to the table, his head bowed slightly.

“What am I missing?” Jake frowned.

“It’s 4 years today since her husband died.” Sammy said gently, looking at Jake.

“Oh, shit.” Jake said with a sigh “Sorry man.”

Sammy waved his apology off and watched Hannah out of the corner of his eye.

"How did it happen? I mean I know you were all on a mission but..." Jake inquired out of curiosity but in an attempt to not hurt anyone with out of place comments or questions as well.

"Jake." Max warned but Ari cut him off, his eyes fixed on the table.

"No, it's all right." he shook his head slightly.

"Ari you don't ..." Sam began to say.

"No, it's not necessary, Ari." Max added looking at Sam and then Ari whose eyes were still fixed on the table avoiding anyone's gaze.

"Sorry, I didn't want to..." Jake frowned as he glanced at Ari who shifted in his seat.

“Ari, are you ok?” Rachel asked him, frowning slightly.

"I'm alive. He isn't. So yeah, I should be ok." Ari replied still not looking at any of his team mates

"What do you mean?" Rachel spoke again, her tone cautious.

"He pushed me out of the way.” Ari spoke slowly “We were ambushed. Most of the team managed to get to a safe place, but Andy and I were stranded. He wouldn’t leave me, because ‘We leave no one behind’ he said. Then there were shots. They were shooting in the dark and a bullet impacted on a rock behind us and ricocheted"

Ari’s voice was steady like he was explaining a story someone had told him hundreds of times. He lifted his head before continuing and everyone could see his eyes watering.

"He pushed me out of the way and took a bullet that was meant for me, straight in the chest." he said looking at Jake.

"Fuck" Jake muttered.

"Fuck indeed" Ari conceded.

Sam and Max looked at each other and sighed. Rachel was unable to take her eyes from the table surface, struggling for something comforting to say and Jake lit a cigarette as he scratched the back of his neck. 

There was a moment’s silence before Ari suddenly stood up and strode swiftly away from the chair.

“Ari…” Max also stood, as if to stop him but Sammy gently grabbed his arm.

“Let him go.” Sammy said.

Max took a deep breath and dropped back into his seat.

********

Ari approached Hannah where she was sat on a large rock cluster at the far end of the beach just before it curved round the shore. But before he could open his mouth she spoke.

"I'm fine, Ari. I just needed to be alone" Hannah said startling him.

"How did you..." he asked.

"I can recognize your smell. Ok, erm, that sounded weird. What I mean is I can recognize the smell of the tobacco you smoke. It's different from Sammy's or Jake's." She explained without looking back at him.

Ari chuckled softly and asked for permission to sit her. "May I?"

She turned her head and looked at him, nodding. Her eyes met his for a few seconds before she turned her gaze back to the sea. 

“I’m sorry.” he spoke softly, “I really am…”

“Yeah, you keep saying, Ari.” she said with a sigh, “But there’s no need. I don’t blame you, you know.” She turned to look at him.

“I was convinced you did.” he said gently, the pair of them staring out at the sun bouncing off the blue water. “That’s why I never reached out to you. Shitty excuse I know but…”

“Would you?” she asked, turning to face him. “Blame me I mean, if it was the other way round and Sarah had died. Would you blame me?”

“How would I know? She left me.” Ari sighed.

“I know. Sammy told me… But still, you know what the answer would be…” Hannah looked at him. “And yeah, for a long time I was angry.” she conceded “Maybe at you too at first, but mostly at him for having to be the hero…but, that’s what you do isn’t it? When you’re out there and you have a split second to make a decision that you think is going to work out…”

Ari didn’t reply, because she was right. He wouldn’t blame her. Knowing what it was like in the field, as a team it was just what you did. You took risks, you watched each other’s 6. You were prepared to make the sacrifice play. With a sad smile he shook his head, looking down at his hands.

“You’re right. I wouldn’t” he said, looking back up over the ocean. “Guess you can still read me like a damned book Firefly.”

She scoffed “I’ve never been able to read you Ari, I thought I could but…”

Ari took that for what it was, a direct stinging barb about him breaking off their relationship, or fling, whatever the hell you could call it. And he deserved it. He had never given her an explanation.

“Andy was a great guy…” Ari cleared his throat. “I’m glad you found each other and got married. You deserved one another.”

“Just wasn’t meant to be huh?” Hannah sighed. “Ironically he’s been dead now longer than we were together…” She fell silent for a moment before she let out a snort “You know, about 6 months ago I went on a date. Just a guy I know from around…”

Ari felt his heart skip a beat. He had taken for granted Hannah would still be grieving and wouldn't be interested in dating. But then again, what did he know? It was over four years now since he had last held a proper conversation with her. She had obviously tried to move on and she had the right to do so. Only he wasn't sure as to why the thought of her going on a date with someone other than Andy made him sick to his stomach. Nevertheless, he smiled and looked at her “Yeah?”

She nodded “I wasn’t gonna but both Mama and Sammy told me I should, that I needed to get out and meet people…” “They’re right.” Ari said, smiling softly.

“Well I wish I hadn’t bothered.” she looked at him “It was a disaster, nothing in common…and he ate his lasagne with a fucking spoon, who does that?”

Ari laughed loudly at the look of disgust on her face “Maya, and she’s 7.”

“Exactly.” Hannah smiled, “and then to top it all off Andy’s sister saw me. I didn’t realise that until the next morning when his mother turned up at the surgery and unleashed absolute hell, calling me every name under the sun.”

“Seriously?” Ari frowned.

Hannah nodded “Mama nearly slapped her.”

“Han, that’s…that’s not fair.” Ari shook his head “They can’t expect you to live your life alone in mourning.”

“Well they clearly do…”

“Then they’re fucking idiots…” he said fiercely “You’re not even 30 yet. Andy…well, he would want you to live your life, be happy.” “Yeah I know.” she said, before she gave a soft laugh “You know, we used to play that game in bed at night. You know the one, the whole would you move on if I died…question. Andy told me he’d run off with a Bond Girl…so I replied that if Simon Le Bon came knocking I’d be off like a shot…”

Ari gave a snort.

“And then it got serious, and he told me…” she took a dep breath, swallowing as the lump formed in her throat “He told me that if it came to it, my heart was more than big enough to love someone else but still remember him.”

Ari glanced at her and sighed as he saw the tears trickling down her face. Automatically he reached out, his arm wrapping over her shoulders. For a moment she tensed, and Ari thought she was going to push him away but she didn’t. Instead she leaned into him slightly, her head resting on his shoulder.

“I never thought I’d find myself actually having to answer it for real.” she said, her voice broken. “Not so soon after us getting married anyway…”

Ari felt a fresh wave of guilt wash over him. She had said didn’t hold him responsible but still, hearing her broken voice as she spoke of Andy made him feel beyond remorseful because the simple fact remained that he was to blame for tearing her life with Andy apart, no matter how much of an accident the whole situation had been.

Eventually she sat up slightly, his arm still round her as she wiped at her face. “Sorry.”

“What for?”

“This…” she gestured to her face and Ari shook his head.

“Don’t…” he said softly “There’s no need to apologise.” he gave her shoulders a squeeze and then he had a sudden idea. “You know, seeing as it’s the first time we’ve all been together in years we should do something tonight, celebrate him a little.  A few drinks, camp fire…” “Yeah.” she smiled at him. “I’d like that.”

“Well then that’s settled.” he smiled, as his stomach gave a huge growl.

Hannah looked at him, and raised an eyebrow “El Lobo Hambriento huh.”

Ari couldn't help but smile at the use of her old nickname for him. He believed her when she had said she didn't blame him and he took her calling him The Hungry Wolf  for what it was, an olive branch of sorts. The line drawn in the sand. But he also didn’t miss the change of pronoun. She had avoided using My instead switching to The. He was once Mi Lobo Hambriento…but that was another story.

For now, the mere fact she’d called it him in any way was music to his ears. His hopes of being able to rekindle whatever friendship they both may have had once were a damned site higher than they had been. So, he let out a loud laugh and gave a sheepish grin.

“It’s been a long time since you called me that.”

She looked at him and gave him a little smile “Well, somethings never change huh?”

He held her gaze for a second before he gave a little sigh and stood up “Well, not wanting to ruin my reputation, I gotta eat…”

He offered her his hand and she took it and he pulled her to her feet. Dropping his hands back into his pockets he walked alongside her back towards the outdoor area where everyone else was sat eating.

“So I take it that it’s safe to assume, seeing as you never left, that Duran Duran’s lead Singer never showed up on your doorstep?” Ari teased and she laughed, genuinely before she looked at him.

“No.”

“His loss.” Ari said, shrugging and she smiled at him again, a genuine smile that warmed the very depth of his soul.

******

The day of the first mission rolled round, and Ari was like a coiled spring. It was planned as best it could be. They went over the maps, the plan, the route again, and their various roles. It was decided that for this one Hannah would be running with them, whilst Rachel would remain behind at base. Sammy was insisting that his sister ride with him and Ari, which Ari wasn’t bothered by in the slightest. If truth be told he was looking forward to it, but the way Hannah had rolled her eyes and merely called her brother a fucking idiot had made him chuckle.

They were fiddling with the military radios that they’d been installing in the trucks, soldering wires, tuning frequencies, Ari slotting an aerial onto his when Jake called over.  

“They're on.”

“Good.” Ari nodded, jumping down from his truck, satisfied both radios were working. “Leaving here in 12 minutes!” he yelled, clapping his hands together.

“All right.” Jake called back.

Ari made his way back into the resort as Rachel dismissed the staff with a thankyou in Arabic

“What did you tell 'em?” Ari asked

“That we were scouting diving spots and that we'd be back in the morning.” she said.  

“Good.” he nodded. At that point he heard some kind of vehicle trundling in the distance.

Hannah and Sammy, who were packing their medical kit also heard it. The siblings shared a glance before Sammy stood up and opened the wooden shades of the window of the hut they were in, and they both glanced out to see a bus approaching in the distance over one of the hills. Looking at one another again, they both exited and began walking across the sand. Max, who was stood by the side of the main building looked at them, waving them over before he glanced back at the approaching bus. The three of them joined Ari, Rachel and Jake at the front of the resort, Ari shooting a glance round at his team.

“You expecting someone?” Max asked.

“Roof. Now. Take the spear gun.” Ari instructed him. Max looked at Ari then down to the half-eaten sandwich in his hand. Hannah reached out and took the food off him with a grin as he rolled his eyes and jogged away to get in position.

As the bus drew closer, Ari turned his head to look up at Max who in turn stared down at him, the spear gun poised whilst the bus stopped outside the main entrance. Hannah instantly spotted the Sudan Ministry of Tourism logo on the side. The doors opened and a large man appeared, clipboard in his hand.

“Ah! Not an easy place to find.” he greeted them cheerily in a prominent German accent “You need better signage, for sure.”

Jake looked around, locking eyes with Ari who turned back to the new arrivals, his face passive as the man continued to talk. Rachel stepped forward and started to converse with him in German, Hannah tilting her head slightly to the right as she caught the odd word, enough to make her understand that Rachel was asking him what he was looking for.

The words “Red Sea Diving Resort” came across loud and clear, however, to the rest of the team and Sammy looked down, scoffing slightly, smile on his face as he shook his head.

“It is, but we are still under construction.” Rachel said, switching instantly into her cover role of Angela.

“Well, we're still months away from opening.” Ari added

“We just drove eight hours from Khartoum because of this.” the man said, his tone less friendly as he pulled out one of the diving resort brochures from his pocket “Huh?” Rachel took it from him no one quite sure what to do.

“Come, come. Alles gut. Alles gut.” the man started beckoning the people off the bus as Rachel turned and handed Ari the brochure. “Ja?”

Ari took the brochure and smiled at the man, as Hannah looked up at Max on the roof who was watching, a puzzled expression on his face as the tourists headed off the bus and into the resort.

“Show them out the back…” Ari looked at Rachel and then to Hannah. “Get them a drink, let them take in the view. In the mean-time have the staff set some of the tables out inside, and then meet us in the kitchen.”

They did as they were told, and once the loud excited chattering between guests outside made Hannah assume they were happy, Rachel nodding and laughing with a few of them, the two women headed inside, where the guys were already waiting, Max once more eating. Hannah hopped up onto one of the counters at the far side of the room, her legs gently swinging as she sat. No one said anything for a moment, Rachel standing and watching the movement in the main room through the lattice wall screen.

“Well, you have to send them home.” she said, turning to Ari.

“We can't do that.” he said as he leaned against one of the wall columns, his hand resting inside his open dark denim shirt, fisting slightly in the black T-shirt he had on underneath.

“Yes, we can. We point them in the direction of a real hotel.”  Sammy said, his back resting on the refrigerator.

“Colonel Madibbo sent them here. The last thing we need is to get complaints about this place.” Ari sighed, looking at his watch. “Fuck, we're an hour late.”  

He strode forward and glanced into the room, watching as he folded his arms, running his hand over his beard.

“So what do we do?” Hannah asked, watching him.

Ari shook his head, thinking for a moment. There was really only one thing they could do.

“Check 'em in.” he said after a moments pause, his hand held out at the side of his face before he turned to look at everyone “Give ‘em rooms”

“Check them in?” Sam asked in disbelief.

“Yeah.”

“Are you crazy? This is a fake hotel.” Sam shook his head.

“So fake it.” Ari pressed.

Max chuckled from behind him, and Ari turned to look at him before he spun back to face the group as Hannah spoke.

“Ari’s right.” she said gently, and Ari looked at her, surprise evident on his face. “We send them back it’s gonna open a whole can of worms and before we know it our cover is blown.” she shrugged and looked round at the team before her bright blue eyes settled on her brother’s “What else can we do?”

Sam’s mouth fell open and he turned to his sister “You’re out of your mind!” he shook his head “You’ve no idea what-“

“Don’t talk to me like I’m a kid Sammy.” she cut him off, her voice stern.

“Ok, ok, look…” Ari said, breaking up the siblings squabbling “We all knew this could happen at some point, right?” “We did?” Sammy said, sarcastically.

“I didn't.”  Jake shook his head.

“Well…” Hannah shrugged, hopping down from her perch, looking around with a soft smile “Our fake hotel just became a real one.”

****

Chapter 3

[spidernerdsblog]

I forgot that you existed: Chapter Three

A/N : Chapter three is here. It’s a little bit longer than the previous chapters got a little carried away. Things are getting little steamy between our ex lovers. In this chapter I have incorporated some other songs felt it will go with the situation the songs go side by side with the scenes as you read. Hope you like it. Feedback and suggestions are always welcome.

Pairing : Tom Holland × Singer reader

Summary: It's been more than five years since you and Tom have gone their own ways after a heartbreaking breakup which had left both of you shattered. Both of you thought that you were finally over with each other and were happy in your respective lives until you meet again at a reunion trip planned by your best friend and you realize you are still not done with each other.

Warnings: mild cursing

Mini playlist: It’s nice to have a friend by Taylor Swift, Physical by Dua Lipa, Into you by Ariana Grande

In the evening a barbeque was arranged. All were enjoying chatting, eating and drinking. You occasionally glanced towards Tom and El all cuddled up. When suddenly Paddy called you

“Hey Y/N it’s been so many years didn’t hear you sing”

“Then how are my albums selling if I’m not singing Pads” you joked giving a surprised look

“I meant up close live like you used to do”

“Yes Y/N please sing something I always wanted to go to your concerts but never got the opportunity” El insisted

“But I don’t have my guitar or any kind of instruments”

“That’s not a problem we have your old guitar wait a minute let me get that” Ed got up to bring it.

“You still have that?”

“yeah Tom insisted to keep it here” Harrison said.Tom and you looked at each other.

“Okay this song is totally dedicated to you guys and please no posting in your social media accounts because this will be in my next album too, the music company will kill me.” You joked. You tuned in the guitar and started playing

School bell rings, walk me home Sidewalk chalk covered in snow Lost my gloves, you give me one "Wanna hang out?" Yeah, sounds like fun Video games, you pass me a note Sleeping in tents

It's nice to have a friend (Ooh) It's nice to have a friend (Ooh)

Zendaya leaned her head on your shoulder you smiled at her.

Light pink sky up on the roof Sun sinks down, no curfew Twenty questions, we tell the truth You've been stressed out lately? Yeah, me too Something gave you the nerve To touch my hand

It's nice to have a friend (Ooh) It's nice to have a friend (Ooh)

Harrison got up from his seat and grabbed your shoulder from the back giving you a hug as you sang.

Church bells ring, carry me home Rice on the ground looks like snow Call my bluff, call you "babe" Have my back, yeah, everyday Feels like home, stay in bed The whole weekend

It's nice to have a friend (Ooh) It's nice to have a friend (Ooh) It's nice to have a friend (Ooh)

It was an emotional moment for all of you as everyone gathered around you for a giant hug though Tom kept his distance.

“Okay enough of tears. Tomorrow is going to be a fun day because its beach day.” Harrison announced. Everyone cheered.

“So better we all get a goodnight’s sleep”

 You were a late riser when you are on a holiday so when you woke up Zendaya was already dressed for the beach day

“Good morning sleeping beauty”

 “Morning” you mumbled

 “So excited for today?”

 “Totally!!”

 “Then get your ass out of the bed and freshen up”

 “Yeah” you rubbed your eyes

 “I'm going downstairs to check what others are  upto don't fall asleep in the bathroom.”

“Okay”

 You got up and went to the bathroom to brush your teeth and then have a shower . The cool water relieved your muscles instantly .

 Paddy, Jacob and Ed were busy setting up the table. Harry and Chloe were helping Sam in the kitchen.

“What's up boys?”

 “Breakfast is almost ready”, Sam said, tossing the ingredients in the fry pan.

 “The food looks so delicious gotta take a picture will make a perfect story. Oh shit I forgot my phone.”

 Tom was coming down the stairs as Zendaya stopped him.

“Hey Tom can you please go and tell Y/N to bring my phone with her when she comes downstairs.?”

Tom hesitated to go but eventually agreed .. "yeah okay"

You came out of the bathroom all fresh a towel wrapped around your body. As you started humming a song and drying your hair with a blow dryer.

Tom stood in front of your room. He really had a bad habit of not knocking before coming into your room since childhood so out of habit he just opened the door.

 As the door flung open. You shrieked, clutching your towel tightly.

“Oh my god!!! What the fuck Tom!!!”

 Tom couldn't help but stare at you in a towel hair all wet, beads of water dripping down the ends. Your smooth skin glowing in the sunlight coming from the windows giving you an ethereal look.

 “Stop staring you creep and close the fucking door!!!” You yelled again.

Tom was startled as he closed the door behind him.

 “Seriously” you huffed “I said to close the door and leave not to come inside you idiot!!”

 “It's in a way your fault why didn't you lock the door?” Tom quipped back

 “What!! After all these years you couldn't learn the basic manner of knocking the door before entering someone's room. And it's my fault?”

 “Okay I'm sorry calm down I just came to convey Z's message she said you to bring her phone as she forgot to take it with her that's all.”

“The message has been received and now you may leave I have gotta get dressed”

 Something went across Tom's mind as he gave you a mischievous look "what if I don't?"

 ‘What do you mean?” You were confused

 “I meant this isn't the first time I have seen you like this, actually seen more than that.” He winked.”Then why so shy to change infront of me now?”

 You narrowed your eyes," you think this is funny Holland?"

 “Whatever you think princess.” he grinned

 Tom was testing your patience but you weren't the one to give up so easily . So you decided to play along with his dangerous game.

 "You know what I actually don't mind either ." you smirked. "But I don't think El would be quite pleased to see her would be husband with his ex just in a towel."

 You started walking towards him with a sultry look in your eyes, your hand grabbed the tucked end of the towel as you motioned to remove it from your body. Tom was stunned by your answer little did he expect you would say that. Inappropriate thoughts started to hover in his mind but half of his mind reminded him it is wrong he's engaged to El and he can't break her trust. Tom shut his eyes and turned his back towards you as he opened the door and left closing it behind . You shook your head and laughed at how flustered he looked. You quickly got ready putting on your shorts and an off shoulder crop top.

 You came downstairs, breakfast was already served. The smell of freshly brewed coffee and toast instantly made you hungry. There were freshly baked muffins too.

 “Here you go rock star.” Chloe handed you your plate of food.

 “Thanks darlo” you cooed

 You bite into your muffin as you get lost in its flavors.

"mmmmph.. I think I had a foodgasm" you giggled as others also started laughing.

“How do you cook so tasty food Sam? it's too good. I missed this so much”

 “Glad you liked it Y/N”

 You went to pick up another piece of muffin from the plate on the table as you were interrupted by another hand. It was Tom. You looked at him.

"Umm.. ladies first" He said moving his hand.

 You took your piece and went to chat with others.

Tom's eyes followed you thinking of how unbothered you were after the little stunt that you pulled off a while ago.

 “Yo man where are you lost at” Jacob broke his train of thoughts

 “Nothing bro” tom shook his head

 “Where's El?”

 “Oh she's getting ready will be down in a minute.”

 ..................................

Finally you were all on the beach. The weather was perfect and you can't wait to go surfing after so many years. You spread your towel on the chair and put your bag on it. You grab your sunscreen lotion and apply it to your exposed areas. As you heard El calling sweetly. She looked gorgeous in bikini top and a sharong.

“Tommy can you please help me apply the lotion on my back.”

“Sure darling.” Tom took the lotion and started applying it to her back.

You kept looking as you smiled, eyes furrowed.

 "Typical" you heard Zendaya saying and looked at her as she rolled her eyes.

 "I find it cute though" you winked as both of you started giggling.

Tom looked at both of you scrunching his face as he understood why you both were laughing.

 You then spoke loudly to grab everyone's attention "are we going for surfing or not because the water will not come to us we have to go to the water! Or are we here just to apply sunscreen and get tanned" you gave a side look, that was enough to get on Tom's nerve, your revenge taken for the morning fiasco.

 Zendaya gaped at you with a smile. "You are such a bitch" she lightly punches your arm giggling.

 “Wasn't that the plan?” You raised your brow

 “Don't get so cranky grandma we are going for surfing. Let me get the surf boards first” Harrison said.

 “Do it fast.”

“Hey El you’re not coming?”

“Oh no I can’t surf”

“Tom can teach you, can’t you Tom?”

“Oh no it’s ok we have come to enjoy don’t want him to give surfing lessons instead of enjoying I can learn afterwards as he’s going to be there for me forever”

“You are really a sweet girl El I really like you. Tom is really lucky to have you”

“Thanks” she giggled shyly as she hold on to Tom’s hands.

 You felt really good surfing after a long time. You made Harry click some good Instagramable pictures of yours while surfing. You were all wet when you came on the shore, clothes sticking to your body. You raised your hands above your head and stretched your body. When you heard someone say

“Nice tattoo”

You looked at the man with flowy dark brown hair and indigo eyes. He was tall with a broad chest and well defined abs . You glanced at your tattoo on the left side of your hip and then looked at him

 "Umm thanks" you furrowed your eyes smiling.

 “Solo trip?”

 "Oh no with my mates they are over there" you pointed towards your group.

 “ Oh great!! By the way I'm Steve.. Steve Johnson  and I know who you are. Big fan of your works.”

“Thank you” you smiled shyly

 “I really like your tattoo”

 “You like my tattoo or is there something else you like ?” You narrowed your eyes grinning.

 "Yeah I like you too by the way" he scratched his head giving a goofy smile looking down his feet then to you.

 You shook your head and laughed

 “But still what is the meaning behind it?”

 "Nothing special. I just liked the design and I had a scar over there so I had to cover it up." That wasn't the actual story behind it and you knew it very well.

 Tom was with El listening to her chatter but all his attention was in your conversation with Steve. And he knew that the tattoo on your hip was there for a special reason not for any mere scar.

 Happy first anniversary to us. You clinked your champagne glasses together. It's been one year since Tom proposed you to be his girlfriend. Tom had decided to have a candlelight dinner with you at his house. He had cooked your favorite dishes. After dinner you both sat down on the all couch cuddled up to binge watch star wars movies.

“Y/N?”

 “Hmmm”

 “Please never leave me even if I am being an asshole to you sometimes. Please don't ever leave me”

“I'll always be there for you dummy.” You messed his hair. “Besides who else will tolerate your tantrums other than me.”

“Pinky promise?”

 You giggled “yes pinky promise.” You both hold on to your pinkies.

“You know what I'm thinking to get a tattoo”

“Don't get under your foot it really hurts” Tom chuckled.

 And the next day you were in a tattoo parlor as you went through the catalog and found the exact design you wanted.

You couldn't wait to show it to Tom as you reached his house you just ran inside as you saw him in the kitchen you went and hugged him from back and gave a kiss on his cheek. “I have a surprise for you”

He turned around the kitchen island to face you.You lifted your top to reveal your hip. You had got a tattoo of two hands pinkies intertwined as a reminder to your yesterday's promise of not leaving each other.

The promise you made was already broken. And maybe the heartbreak you had was a scar for you. 

“Okay then you enjoy your day I gotta go find my friends.See you around.”

 “Yeah sure.” You gave a smile

As he left Z, Chloe and El huddled around you

“Oh my god Y/N who was that hot guy?” Z asked excitedly

 “Umm his name is Steve and he likes my tattoo.” You giggled.

 “It's barely our second day here and you got someone to get laid way to go girl” Chloe lightly punched your arm

 “Oh shut up I barely know him” Harrison called you all to say something. Z, El, Chloe went towards him. As you were about to go you heard Tom

“So you finally found someone who can apply sunscreen on you too”

“What!? Oh come on we weren’t making fun of you, we just didn't think you were such a hopeless romantic type of guy”

 “When you are with the right person it feels good to be a hopeless romantic. Like take it for yourself you were always a fun type not marriage or romancing type”

 “So you're admitting that I was fun, glad to hear that.” You winked.

“Hey Y/N come on lets play volleyball”

“Yeah coming!! Haz”

“So what are teams?”

“It's me vs you. 

“Fine by me.Gonna kick your ass like always.”    

“Don’t get so overconfident darling I have upped my skills. Okay let's toss  whoever wins will get to choose first their team members.” 

“I’m gonna be the referee” El announced.

Harrison won the toss he chose Ed, Jacob, Tuwaine, Chloe, Harry

You had hoped Haz took Tom in his team but damn you Haz ,so you had Z, Paddy, Tom, Sam in your team

“Hey we are short of one player” you complained

You saw Steve coming from the other side with his friends. Zendaya elbowed you

“Babe it's your chance go and ask him out” You giggled and immediately ran towards Steve

“Hey hi”

“Hi again beautiful”

You hesitated a bit “Umm do you wanna? do you mind if I ask you to join us? We are playing volleyball and I'm short of one player.”

 “Of Course love, it will be my utmost pleasure.”

 You both came back and took your positions at the back. The game started and you were impressed by Steve's skills. He was really good at the game.

“Didn't think you would turn out be such a player.”

“I can be more than that love if you want.” He winked.

You blushed profusely “for now I just want to beat my best friend's ass in the game”

“As you wish mam”

Tom was standing in the front and he could hear all of your conversations. It would be a lie if he said he wasn't feeling jealous.

Both the teams were on tie the last round was do or die for you.

You went to serve the ball but accidentally it slipped and it went and hit at the back of Tom's head. You gave a panicked look while others started laughing.

“I'm really sorry Tom the ball slipped from my hand” you also started giggling.

“But I think you did that intentionally Y/N” Tom said angrily

 “What do you think I don't understand why you are acting to be so nice”

“What are you saying Tom I don't understand I already said that I'm sorry it was totally an accident?”

“Are you sorry? You just can’t tolerate that after so many years finally I’m happy with someone”

“Yo Tom calm down” Jacob said

 “Yes Tom stop overreacting!” Chloe yelled

“Tell your friend to stop acting to be so nice!!”

“Hey man you are unnecessarily making a big deal out of it” Steve came in your defense.

“You please stay out of this. Its between us”.

“Tom you can’t speak to Steve like this”

“Oh now I get it all this to grab his attention. You are wasting your time on her dude take my advice leave her she anyways will leave you after she gets whatever she wants from you”.

Your blood was boiling at Tom’s words. El was totally confused at the whole scene she wasn't getting why Tom was reacting like that, your temper rising as you noticed her and abruptly spoke

“Hey El I know you are totally confused at what is going on let me give you a pretext to it ,you actually know half of my identity that is I'm their childhood friend but I'm more than that to your fiance actually.” you jabbed at her

“Y/N I said you no” Tom yelled

���Oh it’s too late now honey”

“For the record I'm his ex girlfriend. We had been in a relationship since we were teenagers then we broke up six years ago. But I guess he couldn't get over it as that is why he couldn’t say you about me” you glared at him looking up and down. “Maybe you are failing to give him the love he needs that is why he can’t forget me and is acting like a dickhead.”

El was definitely hurt by your words. She ran towards the beach house teary eyed. Tom ran after her “El wait! Don’t go! I can explain!! Please listen!!”

“Fuck you Y/N!!!”

You gave him the finger with both your hands with an uninterested look on your face.

The game obviously had to be ended after the heated argument. And everybody came back to the beach house. You were all sitting in the living room. Tom and El were in their room. Probably sorting out the matter after your big revelation.

“What is the problem with Tom?” Z exclaimed

“He has totally gone nuts” Sam scoffed

“Y/N are you okay?” Harrison nudged your shoulder

“Yeah I'm fine but I really feel bad I shouldn't have spoken to El like that. That was totally rude. I just got really angry. I didn't do it intentionally.

“It's okay Y/N we know it was never your fault. Tom has always been a dickhead.” Harry reassured you

‘I think I need to talk to El and clear things out before it gets more complicated.”

El was standing at the porch when you approached her.

“Hey”

“Hey” she gave a half smile

“Listen I came to apologize for today. I'm really sorry I shouldn't have talked to you like that. It was so rude of me. I just couldn't control myself after what Tom said. I don't know what Tom said to you about me but I have no intention of interfering in your lives. I'm really happy for both of you. To be honest I still love him, he is my best friend though he doesn't see me like his friend anymore. I don't want to become the reason for a rift in your relationship.”

“I understand Y/N in a way it was Tom's fault, he was the one who overreacted in spite of you saying sorry.”

“Thank you El for understanding.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah sure”

“Why did you guys break up?”

You sighed deeply “because I was way too selfish. I couldn't give the love he deserved. But now I feel you can fill that void in his life. You took El's hand in yours El “I'm giving his responsibility to you El. Please never leave his side. Fill his life with love and happiness he deserves. And if you guys want I can..I can leave tomorrow itself.”

“No Y/N I wouldn't want that you both share a past together but that should not affect our future. You will always be a good friend to me.”

“So if we are all good you guys are coming to the party right”

“Party??” El gave a confused look

“Yeah Harrison arranged a sort of welcome and success party for me, gonna have fun tonight.”

 “Yeah sure and I'll persuade Tom don't worry.

...........................................................

 You chose your little black dress with a deep plunging neckline as your outfit for the night. Zendaya was still confused between two of her outfits. You both did your make up and got ready.

“What's with that cleavage?” Zendaya quipped

“I don't think I stand a chance with that Steve guy after today's events so I have to find a new one” you laughed.

 As you guys reached the night club, you could hear the music blasting from outside. The bouncers checked your ids and let you in. Harrison ordered the drinks as you all gathered together. Harrison raised a toast

“To our long living friendships and our rock-star's successful album.”

You all cheered.

“Okay guys the drinks are on me for tonight, help yourselves” you announced.

The boys cheered. Everyone scattered the couples went for a dance as you looked at Tom and El dancing and laughing. You were sipping on a margarita when you felt a light tap on your shoulder and you looked back.

"Hey you went away without even saying a proper goodbye"

“Umm hi, sorry actually I wasn’t in a good state at that moment”

“Yeah I understand. how are you now?”

“Fine.”

He was checking you out all thanks to your dress

“Up here Mr.” You grinned

He gave a lopsided smile “you look hot”

“Thanks”

Physical by Dua Lipa starts playing

(Common love isn't for us We created something phenomenal Don't you agree? Don't you agree? You got me feeling diamond rich Nothing on this planet compares to it Don't you agree? Don't you agree? )

 Zendaya came and grabbed your hand “come on slowpoke. Let's burn the dance floor.” She pulled you to the dance floor.

(Who needs to go to sleep, when I got you next to me?

All night, I'll riot with you I know you got my back and you know I got you So come on, come on, come on Let's get physical Lights out, follow the noise Baby, keep on dancing like you ain't got a choice So come on, come on, come on Let's get physical)  

You both swayed to the music as you both started lip syncing with the song loudly and laughing. You grooved sensuously giving occasional glances to Steve. He took the que and approached you. You felt his arms around your hips as he turned you towards him. You put your arms on his shoulders as you both swayed to the music looking into each other's eyes.

“Hey Steve!! come on mate you have to go!” you heard a group of men calling out

“Er... sorry I have to leave my friends are calling. See you again” 

“It’s ok bye see ya” You came back to the counter. You ordered some lemon drops. You gulped it down and bite into the lime.

“Didn't think you will make him leave you so soon”

You rolled your eyes “wasn't today enough for you.”

“I can never get enough of you princess”

“Stop calling me that!!”

“Why does it turn you on?”

“Huh!!” you deadpanned. “It makes me feel nauseated. You don't excite me anymore Holland” you grinned. He was going to say something as Tuwaine interrupted

“Hey let’s do power hour” Tuwaine suggested

“Yessss!!!!” the boys shouted in unison

“Guys seriously none of you can handle yourselves after that. We girls have also come to enjoy not to carry your drunken asses home” You jabbed.

“We can handle ourselves Y/N don’t worry” Harry assured you

“We’ll see that”

The game started only Paddy didn’t participate as he was not sure of his capacity to handle . Jacob gave up half way through the shots. Sam and Harry both struggling to keep up the pace lastly giving up. It was now between Tom, Harrison and Tuwaine. Tuwaine won eventually. And now all the boys were definitely drunk as you had expected.

You were having your shots as Tom took one from you.

“Aren’t you already enough drunk loser”

“I’m not a loser” he said in a raspy voice

“Then who lost to Tuwaine anyways I’m gonna go dance you sulk here loser”

 Into you by Ariana Grande starts playing

(I'm so into you, I can barely breathe And all I wanna do is to fall in deep But close ain't close enough 'til we cross the line So name a game to play, and I'll roll the dice, hey)

You walked to the center of the dance floor swaying your hips a little as you start grooving to the song. You felt a little tipsy as you danced along the song, drunk sweaty bodies hovered around you. 

(Oh baby, look what you started The temperature's rising in here Is this gonna happen? Been waiting and waiting for you to make a move Before I make a move)

You started dancing with some random drunk guy. You glanced at Tom as you placed your hands around his neck and danced with that guy. Yes the alcohol in your system wanted Tom to make a move.

(So baby, come light me up and baby I'll let you on it A little bit dangerous, but baby, that's how I want it A little less conversation, and a little more touch my body 'Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you)

Tom clenched his jaw as he gulped down a shot slamming the glass on the bar counter and started walking towards you. You continued to dance sensually.

(Got everyone watchin' us, so baby, let's keep it secret A little bit scandalous, but baby, don't let them see it A little less conversation and a little more touch my body 'Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you)

You felt a familiar pair of arms around your waist as he turned you and pulled you closer to him. Your palms resting on his broad chest. The smell of his cologne taking over your senses.

(This could take some time, hey I made too many mistakes Better get this right, right, baby)

You placed your hands around Tom's neck as you get lost into each other's eyes. The world seemed a blur to you at the moment as you cared less of who was watching, you just wanted to live this moment.

(So baby, come light me up and baby I'll let you on it A little bit dangerous, but baby, that's how I want it A little less conversation, and a little more touch my body 'Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you)

 He took your hand in his and twirled you around a few times before pulling you closer, your back pressed to his chest, your bodies swaying, occasionally grinding against each other.

(Got everyone watchin' us, so baby, let's keep it secret A little bit scandalous, but baby, don't let them see it A little less conversation and a little more touch my body 'Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you)

 He brushed aside your hair with one hand, his other hand on your shoulder as he kissed you behind your ear. You gasped at his touch as you felt your body was on fire. You tilted your head a little to give him more access as he brushes his lips on your neck. Tom's hands ran down your arms lacing with your fingers.

(Tell me what you came here for 'Cause I can't, I can't wait no more)

You suddenly felt whatever is happening is wrong, you pulled away from him to leave as he caught hold of your hand.  

(I'm on the edge with no control And I need, I need you to know You to know, oh)

You looked at him and then to your hands. He pulled you impossibly closer as you slammed into his chest. Your legs were wobbly as he steadied you by holding your waist. The smell of his cologne doing things to you. Old memories, nostalgia hitting you. He lifts you up and spins a little.

  (So baby, come light me up and baby I'll let you on it A little bit dangerous, but baby, that's how I want it A little less conversation, and a little more touch my body 'Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you)

You look at him with droopy eyes as he brings you down; he hugs you even closer. He knelt near your neck, nose brushing against the bottom of your ear. You whimpered when his hot breath ghosted your ears. "Do I still excite you babygirl?" he whispered in your ears. You could just hum in response, your body shivering at each and every touch of his.

(Got everyone watchin' us, so baby, let's keep it secret A little bit scandalous, but baby, don't let them see it A little less conversation and a little more touch my body 'Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you)

Purple lights danced across Tom's face illuminating his  brown eyes, highlighting his each and every feature. You went dizzy when his lips ghosted at your sweet spot at the nape of your neck. You threw your hands around his neck tugging his hair at the bottom. His hands snaked around your waist sensually gliding to your thighs at the hem of your dress.You weren't that drunk so soon the realization hit you where it is leading to. You thought, what were you doing? This is so not right. You struggled to free yourself from his hold pushing him away by his chest.

(So come light me up, so come light me up my baby A little dangerous, a little dangerous my baby A little less conversation and a little more touch my body 'Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you ) song fading away...............

You both stand in the middle of the dance floor breathless. You ran your hand through your already messed up hair. You stomped off to the bar counter as Tom followed you.

...............................................................................

Taglists: to be added send a message or ask I'll be happy to add you in the following chapters.

@sophs-library​ @sleepybesson​ @spideyparkerstark​ @itstaskeen​ @milli86​ @biebsmylife95​ @quaksonhehe​ @hannahholland1811​

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[artificialqueens]

Gimme Love, 3/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder

AN: Hey, guys! I hope yall are enjoying this fic so far! Throw me a like please if you do. TW for this chapter: Grief // Homophobia

2003 High School. The bane of my existence. Just as I thought elementary and middle school were terrible, High School really was something else. From my childhood therapy sessions, I learned to conceal my anger, avoid freakouts, and channel my emotions into other things. It was good for me, yeah. But it also made me a more reserved person. Things still made me angry, the other kids at school being a primary key to that. But I never defended myself. Ever. Of course, Jujubee always had my back. Only in later years did I learn to appreciate the times she'd yell at the other kids, telling them to fuck off and whatnot. But back then, I wished she hadn't. It only drew more negative attention. All I wanted was to get through those tough years. I would come home a lot, look at pictures of myself as a child. And I'd be so mad because only then did I see that I wasn't an ugly kid. I was adorable. But, God clearly had favourites 'cause puberty did not do me any favours. If only I had grown up in a more modern time when no one gave a shit about looks. When people were outspoken about the cruelty that came with shaming someone for their looks. When people were more aware of the psychological damage that could do. Again, God had favourites. From years of my eyesight getting worse and needing a new pair of glasses every time I went to the eye doctor, I had thick-rimmed frames that made me look straight out of the 70s. And the lenses made my eyes look huge. I looked like Bubbles from Trailer Park Boys. My hair was bigger but full of split ends due to lack of giving a shit about it. I begged Mom to let me bleach it blonde. She always straight up refused. I had braces for a whole year which, yeah, many people had braces, but one time while answering a question in class, I drooled. And no one let me hear the end of it. And makeup wasn't something I really fucked with. I tried it once, safe and sound in my own bedroom, and it looked woeful. Instead of working to get better, I accepted defeat in that I would always be ugly. "I'm serious, girl. The foundation was so bad. And it was too dark." I ranted to Jujubee as we headed to the bus stop. I was trying to smoke my cigarette as fast as I could before getting there. Mom never knew, and what she didn't know couldn't kill her. Of course, I didn't just go into the store and buy them myself. Instead, I took one a day from my Grandpa's supply. "Girl, you gotta test it first." She pointed out, adjusting her bag straps. "Juju, I got the lightest colour they had. I don't fucking get it. Every other girl in the school uses it. Maybelline shouldn't sell this shit." "You just need to find a different brand." She grabbed my shoulder and pulled me closer, "OK, don't tell my Mom, but I tried some of her MAC shit the other day, and my skin looked fucking flawless." She let me go, took my cigarette from me, taking a toke herself. "Well, how am I supposed to get my hands on that?" I took the cig back. "I don't see any MAC stores around here." "Oh, yeah? Well, you know what your Other World self would do?" Jujubee's brow raised, a sweet grin appearing on her mischievous face. "She would say fuck school, hop on the next bus to Cleveland and go straight to the MAC store." Blowing out some smoke, I looked at her, "Well, Other World you wouldn't be encouraging that sort of behaviour." "No, she wouldn't 'cause she'd be the first on the bus." Jujubee countered. "And she'd start the sing-song." "Yeah, well other world me would out-sing you 'cause she's a star. She's a fucking diva, bitch. Mariah Carey has nothing on her." We were too caught up in our fantasy world; we almost missed the vehicle driving past us. Only when we saw the cackling faces of the boys at the back of the bus did realisation take over. We were going to miss the bus. "Fuck." I uttered, watching the guys still flipping us off as they moved further and further away. To make matters worse, a car pulled up beside us. And of fucking course, it was Trevor Preston, the Captain of the football team. His two sidekicks were in the

back seat, Logan and Noah. "Aw, look, guys. The geeks just missed the bus." Trevor fake whined. In these situations, I just shut down. I thought it was for the best at the time, but fuck, if I could go back and punch that guy. "You know what? Why don't you mind your own fucking business, Trevor?" Jujubee squinted her eyes at him. “Wow, little fiesty, Juju.” He continued, "How about this? We all say sorry, and we can both ride with us to school." 'Hell fucking no.' I thought. "Oh yeah? And what's the catch?" Jujubee raised a brow. "You let me feel your tits," Trevor smirked, his two cronies snickered. "Ah, there it is. I thought that was what your pea-sized brain would come up with." Jujubee nodded her head. "So, hey, Brianna," Trevor shifted his attention, "You're awfully quiet. Don't I at least get a hello?" I was still frozen, feeling my anxiety brewing within. "Dude, don't be so sensitive. You know, if she opens her mouth, she'll just drool all over herself." Logan added, the three axe wounds beginning to snicker again. I felt like I should have at least opened my mouth to prove them wrong, or maybe spit on Trevor's car. But still, I just stood there. "Trevor, if you don't fuck off right now, I'm gonna key your car." Jujubee threatened. "Juju." I tried to stop her. "Wouldn't even have the chance, sweetheart. Either of you bitches come near my car; you'll never walk the halls again." How gentleman-like, threatening two girls. Funny how our safety was the price to pay for a car. Oh, men. "Keep that in mind," Trevor concluded before driving away with dumb and dumber. "You didn't have to do that." I looked at Jujubee. "I'm sorry they're such assholes." She replied, taking my hand in hers. I shook it off, however. "No, I mean, I wish you wouldn't do that." Jujubee crossed her brows, "what? So I'm supposed to sit there and just take it? No fucking way." "I know. But," I paused, "they kinda scare me. You know?" "Brie, there's nothing more pathetic than a man sweating over the safety of his ride." She retook my hand, "Don't be afraid of a cunt like him." "I mean, I can try not to. But I can't make any promises." I shrugged. "Anyway, what's the plan? How are we supposed to get there on time?" Jujubee was silent for a moment before replying with, "my Mom?" Her Mom did end up giving us a ride, much to my dismay. I would have preferred to take the day off. Or better yet, to just fucking drop out altogether. But Jujubee was always there to reassure me - I adored that bitch. I would have fucking taken a bullet for her. I would like to say that it wasn't just Jujubee and me, that we had a group of more friends. But these guys, I never really counted them as friends. A year prior, we both decided to try and improve our social lives by joining a club. The only one that would accept us was the chess club. Every other member was a guy, and they were nerds. Not that Jujubee and I minded. However, the problem was that they only let us in because...well, do I even need to explain? "So, Brianna," Jimmy decided to approach me at the end of one session, licking his hand and sweeping his hair from his face. "Because I beat you twice today, what do I get?" "...Excuse me?" "My prize. What do I get??" He put an arm around my shoulders. I was puzzled, "Uh, you can have my chicken nuggets at lunch." His grin was beginning to disappear. "Oh, I was thinking of something else. A kiss, maybe?" I felt bad for doing it, but my fight or flight response told me to just run from the room. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but these guys were just on another level of thirst. And it wasn't just me who they flirted with. Jujubee had informed me of a time Arnold convinced her to make out with him. She was all for it until she realised how awful of a kisser he was. And as the boys became more desperate, we decided that we were better off alone. Again, I was so grateful for Jujubee. I was surprised she stuck around, considering she had seen me at my worst when we were still so young. How the fuck had she not developed

issues of her own? Jujubee was the number one reason I even found the strength to just get up in the morning, drag my ass to school, and do my work - Well, aside from wanting to get good grades so I could go to a good college. The second reason? Blair. Unlike me, she was thriving. Our lives were totally cliche - me being the kid who grew up to be the nerd who only speaks when it's to answer a question. And Blair, growing up to be the head cheerleader. And I was still very much in love with her. What a fucking cliche. I avoided Blair at all costs for several reasons;

differing social circles (in my case, lack of),

her boyfriend, who was the Captain of the soccer team and wasn't shy about giving me and Jujubee grief,

her friends,

and, of course, my massive crush on her.

So, why was Blair the second reason as to why I dragged myself to school? Her smile. That was enough. As much as I tried to avoid her, the world decided to do a big "fuck you" on me and sometimes put us into situations together. And every time, I'd be internally freaking out. The worst was when we were both 16. It was that time of the year when the school would invite someone to subject us to the most humiliating moment of our lives. How the fuck were you supposed to put a condom on a banana without bursting out laughing? How the fuck were you supposed to sit there and keep a straight face when the educator used words like 'flaps'? We filed into the class, Jujubee and me taking seats at the back of the room. We knew this was going to be hilarious, so best to avoid the attention of the teacher. "Juju, I know you are dying to make jokes during this, but I'm begging you. Please don't." I spoke quietly to her as other students filed in. "But you know I'm going to, right?" Jujubee smirked, putting her bag on the ground. "No. We wanna keep a low profile. If we laugh, we draw attention, and then we risk being singled out. You know? We'll be at the front of the class demonstrating whatever this bitch asks us." Obviously, I was referring to putting condoms on bananas and the like. Juju, however, raised a brow, "I wouldn't mind that, babe. Don't worry. We won't need to take our clothes off." I stared at her for a few seconds, unable to think of how to respond to that. Jujubee winked, and I forced myself to look away. "That's not what I meant." Blair strolled in with Denali and Rosé, already I could feel my stomach knotting. They went to sit together somewhere in the middle. "Ugh, nope. I don't think so, ladies." Ah, Miss Jaida Hall, if only I could have warned you not to say what you were about to say. Somehow Blair and the two others knew she was speaking to them. She continued, "This is an important class, and I'm not gonna have you all laughing and snickering during it." She had a point. The three girls usually whispered to each other in class, giggling about all sorts of shit. It was never anything malicious about the lesson or teachers, just inside jokes with each other, pretty harmless stuff. But it pissed the teachers off so much. "You can't be serious, right?" Denali replied, clearly scandalised. "Very serious, actually." Ms Hall nodded, "Denali, sit with Brian. Rosé, with Gigi. Blair, with Brianna." I grabbed Jujubee by the wrist, the pressure making her squeak. This wasn't happening. This wasn't happening. Blair was not rolling her eyes as she made her way to the back towards me. This was not fucking happening. As instructed, Jujubee stood up and let Blair sit down, moving to sit somewhere else. I was alone with the one person I tried my hardest to avoid. She slouched down in her chair, arms folded like she was already over it. I wanted so badly to ask if she was OK. But I couldn't bring myself to. And as the lights turned off and the sex-ed lady pressed play on the video player, I wished I had said something. As the way too enthusiastic narrator explained step by step the act of sexual intercourse, I tried hiding the blush on my face with my hair. I tried so hard to focus on what I was being taught. The truth was, I was still a virgin, as were many of the others in the room, I'm sure. But unlike them, I had no idea how sex worked. It wasn't something I ever gave time to think about. I felt a tapping on my hand. My body tensed as I glanced to the side. Blair was looking at the screen, then at me, then her fingers brushed against my hand. I stared back, unsure of what was happening but also knowing full well what she was doing. She leaned closer and pressed her lips on mine. … OK, that's not what happened. Life wasn't a movie. This was the beginning of the fantasies. Was I ashamed because I was thinking about Blair like that? Or was I ashamed that I enjoyed thinking of Blair like that? "This is ridiculous," Blair whispered. Was I supposed to say something back? "What do you mean?" I

whispered back. "Do they actually think we're that dumb? We all know how sex works. We don't need this stupid class." Blair rolled her eyes. I almost told her that I belonged to the small percentage that didn't know. But I stopped myself. I couldn't bear her knowing that information. Instead, I went with the awkward, "haha. Yeaaahhhh…" For the rest of the film, we sat in silence. Still trying to focus on the screen. Not the absolute stunner sitting next to me. And as if by magic, the video ended. I wanted to say I was relieved, but I couldn't lie; what I learned from the film left me nauseous. He puts his hoo-ha in her what, now?? "Well, that was really cool and hip, right?" The educator enthused. I cringed internally. No woman wearing a crucifix necklace and ankle-length skirt has the right to use words like 'cool' and 'hip'. "I know it's probably all so confusing. So that's why I'm here to answer any of your questions, dudes and dudettes." Already, one of the boys put a hand up. "Go ahead, homie." "What about the other hole?" He said with a straight face before his friends started laughing. He laughed back as he fired one of them. "You know. The back door?" Ms Hall shot him the 'look'. He was toast. The sex educator fixed her hair quite uncomfortable, "Well, there's a reason that is an out hole, young man. I warn all of you, do not go down that road. You will get aids and die. Now, does anybody else have a question?" The educator rambled, fixing her hair awkwardly. I heard the rustling of clothes beside me, and glancing around, Blair had her hand straight up in the air. "Yes, sweetheart?" Sex Ed lady pointed to her. "OK, so this is interesting and all, but I was just wondering, what about non-heterosexual sex?" Her brows knit for a moment. I looked around at her now. The breath caught in my throat. "I'm sorry?" Sex Ed lady asked. "You know. Man on man. Girl on girl. What about all of that?" Blair raised a brow. "I mean, you gotta know there's more than just heterosexual people out there. Maybe some even in this room right now." "Blair." Ms Hall began. "Because, if you disagree, then that's ridiculous. Oh, and if you think aids is some kind of death sentence, then you seriously need to educate yourself." Sex ed lady looked appalled, her Christian beliefs quite clearly threatened. "That's it. Get out." Ms Hall stood up. Blair huffed, pushing her seat back, lifted her bag and left the room, Ms Hall following behind. "OK. So, any other questions? Reasonable questions only, please." Jujubee was looking over her shoulder at me now, sharing the same expression I did. Thank God for lunch next period. Jujubee and I were hiding at the back of the school, in an alley between the building itself and the old workshops. The perfect hiding place for a smoke and to freak the fuck out about specific events. "Juju, she knows. She knows I'm a lesbian. She knows I like her." I paced. "I'm moving. That's it." I stopped. "But why would she speak up for me of all people? It doesn't make sense." My eyes widened. "Unless she's also a lesbian. I mean, that makes sense, right?" Jujubee had been sitting on the wall, patiently listening to my manic ramblings. The first few minutes, she was just as astounded. But the more I theorised, rambling on and on, she was over it. "I highly doubt that considering the boyfriend." "Then she must know. Why else would she say it? I highly doubt there are other gays in that class. Speaking of which, I had no idea lesbians could have sex like; how does that work. I'm gonna look into that somehow. But getting back to the point, if she did know, why would she speak out for me of all people?" My ramblings were non-stop. I tried my best to avoid Blair for the rest of the day, not that I could, considering we were both in the same last period. Blair's outburst was the talk of the school. I wasn't sure if it was a positive response or not. The only thing I did know was Trevor was pissed. "Brie, look." Jujubee tapped me. I turned from my locker and looked where everyone else seemed to be

looking. Just down the corridor, Trevor was standing over Blair, their conversation clearly heated. People were shamelessly moving closer, Jujubee following in their path. "Juju, don't," I whispered. But she didn't listen. I went after her as if it would stop her. "Trevor, this isn't that big of a deal," Blair said. "Not a big deal? Blair, do you know what the guys are saying? They think you're gonna dump me for a girl. Do you know how humiliating that is?" Trevor held a hand to his chest "And what if I did?" Blair challenged. The few people standing around cooed with excitement. "Oh, please. Don't get all cocky now that you have an audience." Trevor pointed. But Blair took a step closer to him. "What, 'cause you know you're the one who looks like an idiot? Maybe if you weren't so insecure, you'd know I would never do that to you." "Don't call me an idiot." Trevor lowered his tone, choosing purposely to ignore her reassurance. "Fine. But don't criticise me for a valid question I asked in a class you weren't even a part of. It's none of your business, no one's business for that matter." Blair bit back. "I can do what I want, Blair." "OK. Whatever." Blair brushed past him. Trevor quickly spun around, grabbing her arm. "No, we're not done having this conversation." My stomach twisted. "Let go of my arm, Trevor." Blair tugged, her voice cracking. Trevor did as was told now that the air was thick with tension, "We are not done talking," he stressed. Blair took a step back, "Yeah, we are, actually," and she turned to walk away. "If you walk away right now, we're finished." Trevor threatened. It was as if time was at a standstill, waiting for her reaction. But at the same time, it felt as though time was counting down. Like we were in a competition show. The contestant has to decide before time runs out, while the audience yells, 'DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!' No one was shouting, but you could feel everyone's excitement. Blair's lip curled upwards. "OK. Fine by me." And, finally, she walked off. The people were cooing with excitement again. "Shut up!" Trevor shouted. I grabbed Jujubee by the shoulder and ushered her back. Trevor kicked his locker, the thud echoing through the halls. That was the last straw. Knowing Trevor, he'd take his anger out on us. It was time to flee the scene. It was all Jujubee wanted to talk about for the rest of the day. Now I knew how she felt during my smoke break. But I couldn't blame her. The scene played in my head over and over again, leading to so many questions. Was there more to this breakup? Did he grab Blair like that all the time? What would happen now? Would she find a new guy? A girl, maybe? I came to the conclusion that Blair and Trevor's breakup was neither good nor bad. Bad because, as I said before, now he had more pent up anger from the humiliation of being so publicly dumped. Therefore, Jujubee and I would most likely be subject to more harassment. Good, because maybe Blair did like girls. Maybe there was still some little chance for us to be together. But if we were going to be together, there was one issue; I still had no fucking idea how lesbian sex worked. Cut to later that night, I'm in my room, sitting in front of my computer. I needed to distract myself from my thoughts of the breakup. While the scratchy dial-up tones emitted the machine, I psyched myself up. Even though I knew sex was normal to learn about at that age, it was still daunting. With shaky hands, I searched 'lesbian sex'. And fuck was it a mistake. What I wanted was educational articles, guides, etc. And what I got was porn. I watched all but a few minutes, all the painfully bad acting scenes that took place before the main event. Upon hearing the first moan, I clicked out as fast as I could. Looking behind me, Piggie was just playing with a stuffed animal on my bed. "You saw that, right?" He looked at me with perked ears. I still felt judged, so I opened my bedroom door and let him out. I needed to be exact. 'How do lesbians have sex?' And Brianna Caldwell was never the

same. My mind was opened that night. This was no mistake. This was a surprise. I couldn't look away from the computer screen, no matter how slow the Internet connection was. All of this information was all too much but not enough at the same time. And it made me feel less nauseated than I felt after watching that stupid video in class. And I built up the courage to go back to that porn site. And I watched every damn second. Then I watched another one. And another. And just one more 'cause why the fuck not? My bedroom door opened. "Brianna, I'm ordering - -" "Get out," I shouted, closing the site down like my life depended on it. But she stood there for a few seconds, eyes wide and hand still on the door frame. "Honey, are you - -" "Mom, oh my god. Can you just - -" I couldn't even form a proper sentence. She gave an apologetic look and closed the door. But she remained on the other side. "I just wanted you to know that I'm ordering pizza for Grandpa and me. Do you want some?" My forehead was in my hand now. "Yes." "What kind?" "Just…" I wanted to shout, "Pepperoni." And with that, she left. But that wasn't the end of it. When the food arrived, I waited a few minutes before going downstairs to grab a few slices. Grandpa was in the living room watching an old rerun of The A-Team. But she was there, in the kitchen, as if she was waiting for me. "Honey, look. I know you're getting to that age where you're curious about certain things and - -" "Mom, no. Please, don't do this." I whined. "I know. I know. I just wanted to let you know that this is natural, and…" she continued to deliver the same talk we all got in class. My eyes were wide, face red with humiliation. -_-_-_- 2020 I picked up a slice of pepperoni pizza, instantly reminded of the traumatic event. OK, maybe that was too strong of a word to use. But of course, you are going to dread the thought of that time your parent talked to you about sex. I walked into the living room, pizza slice in hand, trying not to dwell on the memory. "So, Brianna. Any update on the love life?" Tamisha asked. I loved that bitch; being one of Mom's closest friends, she was present for most of my life. But she always had a tendency to ask questions I wasn't up for answering. I took a bite from my pizza and answered with a full mouth, "dry." "Girl, you're almost 40." She continued. I was ready to challenge her because I was actually just 33 when Mom took her turn to speak. "Yeah, get yourself a man and make me a Grandma already." She wasn't serious. She knew I hated these types of talks, but that didn't stop her from encouraging the others. The funny thing about the time she caught me watching porn, she never clocked it was girl on girl. Of all the years I've been on this planet, I hadn't given her a clue that I was a lesbian. Would I ever tell her? I didn't see the point. From previous failed relationships and being too busy with my job, I wouldn't end up with someone anyway. But of course, I'd make an exception for a certain someone. Monét poured the first round of shots. I already knew I'd hate myself the next day. I wasn't drunk already. Just sort of buzzed. But that changed within an hour. I was hammered. Mom, Monét and all her friends were singing all the old songs in the living room. I was out in the kitchen, trying to drink 8 glasses of water. I only managed 3. Piggie ran in and put his paws up on my knee. "There he is. My baby. My fucking son." I slid down to the ground and let him sit in my lap. "How is your night going?" Just great, Brianna! Anyway, how about that Blair girl, huh? Piggie's non-existent voice said. "Oh yeah," my eyes narrowed. I unlocked my phone and opened up Facebook. And I bravely searched up her name. I say bravely because it does take some balls to go and stalk your crushes social media accounts. All it took to fuck everything up was the slip of a finger, and before you know it, you've liked a post or sent a friend request. "Let's do some digging, Piggie." I cuddled him. Immediately, she was the top result, with Jujubee

being the only mutual friend. "Yeah, girl. Infiltration." I commented as I clicked into her profile. And then her profile picture. "Holy shit." She hadn't aged. She still looked as young and radiant as she did back in high school. "What do you think, Piggie?" I showed him the screen. He glanced at it before tucking his head under his arms. The enthusiasm. I rolled my eyes. I looked at her info. 'Single'. Promising. Scrolling down to her timeline, I noticed she didn't post a lot. Fair enough. Facebook was becoming a dead site in recent years. There were just your average Facebook posts, sharing giveaway posts, a post from an old lady saying, 'Blair, this is Granny. Could you go to Walmart and get me some applesauce? Love granny xx', a shared post from a guy called George Miller. And my finger stopped scrolling upon seeing Blair holding a baby. "Oh God, we've encountered our first obstacle, Piggie," I whined. I clicked into the comments. That George Miller guy commented, 'congrats, Blair!' She replied, 'thank you, but she's my cousin's lol'. "Thank you, Jesus." I put my phone down for a moment to put my hand up to the good lord. I scrolled some more, seeing many inspirational quotes, a link to Adore You by Harry Styles. And a picture of her. With that George Miller guy. With his arms around her. Pressing a kiss to her temple. I could feel my heart sink the more I studied it. Yeah, I knew Blair and I were never meant to be anyway. But it was still upsetting. Relax. They could be friends. Yeah, that's right. Friends hold each other and act all affectionate, right?? I cuddle with Jujubee sometimes. That doesn't mean anything. Right? I needed evidence, just anything, to make it not true. I scrolled some more. There was a video, she was sitting on her sofa, with a girl playing the guitar sitting on the other end. "I've been running races on empty, Pour it up 'cause my cup so empty. Gotta make time for the real me. I've been running, I've been running on empty." And my nerves were settled again. I had only heard Blair sing a few times. She and her friends would pretend they were famous singers in early elementary years, and she'd always be the best. Then another time was in high school, at the winter talent show. I specifically remember it being A moment like this by Kelly Clarkson. It was unreal. 'Jujubee 💋💅🏽 is typing…' I clicked into Snapchat before she even had a chance to type the whole message. "Do you remember Jujubee?" I asked Piggie. Again, he was silent. 'I hope you're having fun, babe ❤ lv u'. "Thanks," was all I could manage to type. A shadow cast over me. I looked up to see Monét join me on the ground. "Hey, girl." She greeted me. "Hi, Aunt Monét." I smiled. Piggie hopped off my lap and onto hers. "Aunt Monét? Honey, you haven't called me that since middle school." She smiled. I returned the smile, only mine probably looking goofy. "I'm just wasted." "I noticed. No more shots for you anyway." She noted, taking a drink from her own bottle. "Anyway, how's the project?" "We got fucking Ed Sheeran involved." I then cursed myself internally for bringing it up. "I heard. Your Mom was telling me. Ugh, girl, why him? Why not someone like…" she paused to think, "like Beyonce. Or Lady Gaga." "OK, man-hater." I quipped, reaching over to pet Piggie. "Not true. Not all men are bad." Monét pointed out. "Speaking of which, when are you getting yourself one?" I could have given her the usual 'I don't have time for men's talk. But the alcohol said no. "Monét, I like girls." And I felt no shame in saying it. A moment of silence fell between us before she asked, "for real?" "Yeah." I nodded. "Does anyone else know?" "Yeah. Juju. And Piggie probably." I replied, leaving one more name out for the sole purpose I didn't want to get into that. "And Mom?" "Nope." She nodded. "I guess this is one of these aunty-niece confidentiality things?" "Uh-huh." I smiled. Bless Aunt Monét. "Well, no matter who you live, we still love you." She laughed for a moment before taking another drink. I knew

she was right. Maybe coming out to Mom wasn't such a bad idea. "You know what, Brianna?" She paused, "Grandpa would be so proud of you, right?" My smile slowly began to drop. Fuck, the touchy subject. "Oh, I...thanks." I thought the change in my mood was hard to miss, but Monét clearly had. "You and I ain't ever talked about him since...you know." "OK," I said quietly, feeling like my chest was a fist, beginning to clench tighter and tighter. "And sometimes, it's just good to look back on - -" "I gotta go." I quickly stood up, feeling the dark fog already come over me. I rushed from the room, my aunty calling my name and apologising. I avoided going into the living room, rushing up the stairs and racing for the bathroom. As soon as the door was locked, I let myself crumble, my face hidden beneath shaking hands, a cry clogged in my throat just begging to belt out. Mom would definitely hear it. I wasn't going to ruin her day. Absolutely not. Tags: rpdr fanfiction // s10 // as5 // miz cracker // jujubee // blair st clair // blair x cracker // denali foxx // rose // fluff // coming of age // hurt/comfort // lesbian au // highschool au // grinder // tw grief // tw homophobia [Cover image here] AN: Hey, guys! I hope yall are enjoying this fic so far! Throw me a like please if you do. TW for this chapter: Grief // Homophobia [read more] 2003 High School. The bane of my existence. Just as I thought elementary and middle school were terrible, High School really was something else. From my childhood therapy sessions, I learned to conceal my anger, avoid freakouts, and channel my emotions into other things. It was good for me, yeah. But it also made me a more reserved person. Things still made me angry, the other kids at school being a primary key to that. But I never defended myself. Ever. Of course, Jujubee always had my back. Only in later years did I learn to appreciate the times she'd yell at the other kids, telling them to fuck off and whatnot. But back then, I wished she hadn't. It only drew more negative attention. All I wanted was to get through those tough years. I would come home a lot, look at pictures of myself as a child. And I'd be so mad because only then did I see that I wasn't an ugly kid. I was adorable. But, God clearly had favourites 'cause puberty did not do me any favours. If only I had grown up in a more modern time when no one gave a shit about looks. When people were outspoken about the cruelty that came with shaming someone for their looks. When people were more aware of the psychological damage that could do. Again, God had favourites. From years of my eyesight getting worse and needing a new pair of glasses every time I went to the eye doctor, I had thick-rimmed frames that made me look straight out of the 70s. And the lenses made my eyes look huge. I looked like Bubbles from Trailer Park Boys. My hair was bigger but full of split ends due to lack of giving a shit about it. I begged Mom to let me bleach it blonde. She always straight up refused. I had braces for a whole year which, yeah, many people had braces, but one time while answering a question in class, I drooled. And no one let me hear the end of it. And makeup wasn't something I really fucked with. I tried it once, safe and sound in my own bedroom, and it looked woeful. Instead of working to get better, I accepted defeat in that I would always be ugly. "I'm serious, girl. The foundation was so bad. And it was too dark." I ranted to Jujubee as we headed to the bus stop. I was trying to smoke my cigarette as fast as I could before getting there. Mom never knew, and what she didn't know couldn't kill her. Of course, I didn't just go into the store and buy them myself. Instead, I took one a day from my Grandpa's supply. "Girl, you gotta test it first." She pointed out, adjusting her bag straps. "Juju, I got the lightest colour they had. I don't fucking get it. Every other girl in the school uses it. Maybelline shouldn't sell this shit." "You just need to find a different brand." She grabbed my shoulder and pulled me

closer, "OK, don't tell my Mom, but I tried some of her MAC shit the other day, and my skin looked fucking flawless." She let me go, took my cigarette from me, taking a toke herself. "Well, how am I supposed to get my hands on that?" I took the cig back. "I don't see any MAC stores around here." "Oh, yeah? Well, you know what your Other World self would do?" Jujubee's brow raised, a sweet grin appearing on her mischievous face. "She would say fuck school, hop on the next bus to Cleveland and go straight to the MAC store." Blowing out some smoke, I looked at her, "Well, Other World you wouldn't be encouraging that sort of behaviour." "No, she wouldn't 'cause she'd be the first on the bus." Jujubee countered. "And she'd start the sing-song." "Yeah, well other world me would out-sing you 'cause she's a star. She's a fucking diva, bitch. Mariah Carey has nothing on her." We were too caught up in our fantasy world; we almost missed the vehicle driving past us. Only when we saw the cackling faces of the boys at the back of the bus did realisation take over. We were going to miss the bus. "Fuck." I uttered, watching the guys still flipping us off as they moved further and further away. To make matters worse, a car pulled up beside us. And of fucking course, it was Trevor Preston, the Captain of the football team. His two sidekicks were in the back seat, Logan and Noah. "Aw, look, guys. The geeks just missed the bus." Trevor fake whined. In these situations, I just shut down. I thought it was for the best at the time, but fuck, if I could go back and punch that guy. "You know what? Why don't you mind your own fucking business, Trevor?" Jujubee squinted her eyes at him. “Wow, little fiesty, Juju.” He continued, "How about this? We all say sorry, and we can both ride with us to school." 'Hell fucking no.' I thought. "Oh yeah? And what's the catch?" Jujubee raised a brow. "You let me feel your tits," Trevor smirked, his two cronies snickered. "Ah, there it is. I thought that was what your pea-sized brain would come up with." Jujubee nodded her head. "So, hey, Brianna," Trevor shifted his attention, "You're awfully quiet. Don't I at least get a hello?" I was still frozen, feeling my anxiety brewing within. "Dude, don't be so sensitive. You know, if she opens her mouth, she'll just drool all over herself." Logan added, the three axe wounds beginning to snicker again. I felt like I should have at least opened my mouth to prove them wrong, or maybe spit on Trevor's car. But still, I just stood there. "Trevor, if you don't fuck off right now, I'm gonna key your car." Jujubee threatened. "Juju." I tried to stop her. "Wouldn't even have the chance, sweetheart. Either of you bitches come near my car; you'll never walk the halls again." How gentleman-like, threatening two girls. Funny how our safety was the price to pay for a car. Oh, men. "Keep that in mind," Trevor concluded before driving away with dumb and dumber. "You didn't have to do that." I looked at Jujubee. "I'm sorry they're such assholes." She replied, taking my hand in hers. I shook it off, however. "No, I mean, I wish you wouldn't do that." Jujubee crossed her brows, "what? So I'm supposed to sit there and just take it? No fucking way." "I know. But," I paused, "they kinda scare me. You know?" "Brie, there's nothing more pathetic than a man sweating over the safety of his ride." She retook my hand, "Don't be afraid of a cunt like him." "I mean, I can try not to. But I can't make any promises." I shrugged. "Anyway, what's the plan? How are we supposed to get there on time?" Jujubee was silent for a moment before replying with, "my Mom?" Her Mom did end up giving us a ride, much to my dismay. I would have preferred to take the day off. Or better yet, to just fucking drop out altogether. But Jujubee was always there to reassure me - I adored that bitch. I would have fucking taken a bullet for her. I would like to say that it wasn't just Jujubee and me, that we had a group of more friends. But these guys, I never really counted them as

friends. A year prior, we both decided to try and improve our social lives by joining a club. The only one that would accept us was the chess club. Every other member was a guy, and they were nerds. Not that Jujubee and I minded. However, the problem was that they only let us in because...well, do I even need to explain? "So, Brianna," Jimmy decided to approach me at the end of one session, licking his hand and sweeping his hair from his face. "Because I beat you twice today, what do I get?" "...Excuse me?" "My prize. What do I get??" He put an arm around my shoulders. I was puzzled, "Uh, you can have my chicken nuggets at lunch." His grin was beginning to disappear. "Oh, I was thinking of something else. A kiss, maybe?" I felt bad for doing it, but my fight or flight response told me to just run from the room. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but these guys were just on another level of thirst. And it wasn't just me who they flirted with. Jujubee had informed me of a time Arnold convinced her to make out with him. She was all for it until she realised how awful of a kisser he was. And as the boys became more desperate, we decided that we were better off alone. Again, I was so grateful for Jujubee. I was surprised she stuck around, considering she had seen me at my worst when we were still so young. How the fuck had she not developed issues of her own? Jujubee was the number one reason I even found the strength to just get up in the morning, drag my ass to school, and do my work - Well, aside from wanting to get good grades so I could go to a good college. The second reason? Blair. Unlike me, she was thriving. Our lives were totally cliche - me being the kid who grew up to be the nerd who only speaks when it's to answer a question. And Blair, growing up to be the head cheerleader. And I was still very much in love with her. What a fucking cliche. I avoided Blair at all costs for several reasons;

differing social circles (in my case, lack of),

her boyfriend, who was the Captain of the soccer team and wasn't shy about giving me and Jujubee grief,

her friends,

and, of course, my massive crush on her.

So, why was Blair the second reason as to why I dragged myself to school? Her smile. That was enough. As much as I tried to avoid her, the world decided to do a big "fuck you" on me and sometimes put us into situations together. And every time, I'd be internally freaking out. The worst was when we were both 16. It was that time of the year when the school would invite someone to subject us to the most humiliating moment of our lives. How the fuck were you supposed to put a condom on a banana without bursting out laughing? How the fuck were you supposed to sit there and keep a straight face when the educator used words like 'flaps'? We filed into the class, Jujubee and me taking seats at the back of the room. We knew this was going to be hilarious, so best to avoid the attention of the teacher. "Juju, I know you are dying to make jokes during this, but I'm begging you. Please don't." I spoke quietly to her as other students filed in. "But you know I'm going to, right?" Jujubee smirked, putting her bag on the ground. "No. We wanna keep a low profile. If we laugh, we draw attention, and then we risk being singled out. You know? We'll be at the front of the class demonstrating whatever this bitch asks us." Obviously, I was referring to putting condoms on bananas and the like. Juju, however, raised a brow, "I wouldn't mind that, babe. Don't worry. We won't need to take our clothes off." I stared at her for a few seconds, unable to think of how to respond to that. Jujubee winked, and I forced myself to look away. "That's not what I meant." Blair strolled in with Denali and Rosé, already I could feel my stomach knotting. They went to sit together somewhere in the middle. "Ugh, nope. I don't think so, ladies." Ah, Miss Jaida Hall, if only I could have warned you not to say what you were about to say. Somehow Blair and the two others knew she was speaking to them. She continued, "This is an important class, and I'm not gonna have you all laughing and snickering during it." She had a point. The three girls usually whispered to each other in class, giggling about all sorts of shit. It was never anything malicious about the lesson or teachers, just inside jokes with each other, pretty harmless stuff. But it pissed the teachers off so much. "You can't be serious, right?" Denali replied, clearly scandalised. "Very serious, actually." Ms Hall nodded, "Denali, sit with Brian. Rosé, with Gigi. Blair, with Brianna." I grabbed Jujubee by the wrist, the pressure making her squeak. This wasn't happening. This wasn't happening. Blair was not rolling her eyes as she made her way to the back towards me. This was not fucking happening. As instructed, Jujubee stood up and let Blair sit down, moving to sit somewhere else. I was alone with the one person I tried my hardest to avoid. She slouched down in her chair, arms folded like she was already over it. I wanted so badly to ask if she was OK. But I couldn't bring myself to. And as the lights turned off and the sex-ed lady pressed play on the video player, I wished I had said something. As the way too enthusiastic narrator explained step by step the act of sexual intercourse, I tried hiding the blush on my face with my hair. I tried so hard to focus on what I was being taught. The truth was, I was still a virgin, as were many of the others in the room, I'm sure. But unlike them, I had no idea how sex worked. It wasn't something I ever gave time to think about. I felt a tapping on my hand. My body tensed as I glanced to the side. Blair was looking at the screen, then at me, then her fingers brushed against my hand. I stared back, unsure of what was happening but also knowing full well what she was doing. She leaned closer and pressed her lips on mine. … OK, that's not what happened. Life wasn't a movie. This was the beginning of the fantasies. Was I ashamed because I was thinking about Blair like that? Or was I ashamed that I enjoyed thinking of Blair like that? "This is ridiculous," Blair whispered. Was I supposed to say something back? "What do you mean?" I

whispered back. "Do they actually think we're that dumb? We all know how sex works. We don't need this stupid class." Blair rolled her eyes. I almost told her that I belonged to the small percentage that didn't know. But I stopped myself. I couldn't bear her knowing that information. Instead, I went with the awkward, "haha. Yeaaahhhh…" For the rest of the film, we sat in silence. Still trying to focus on the screen. Not the absolute stunner sitting next to me. And as if by magic, the video ended. I wanted to say I was relieved, but I couldn't lie; what I learned from the film left me nauseous. He puts his hoo-ha in her what, now?? "Well, that was really cool and hip, right?" The educator enthused. I cringed internally. No woman wearing a crucifix necklace and ankle-length skirt has the right to use words like 'cool' and 'hip'. "I know it's probably all so confusing. So that's why I'm here to answer any of your questions, dudes and dudettes." Already, one of the boys put a hand up. "Go ahead, homie." "What about the other hole?" He said with a straight face before his friends started laughing. He laughed back as he fired one of them. "You know. The back door?" Ms Hall shot him the 'look'. He was toast. The sex educator fixed her hair quite uncomfortable, "Well, there's a reason that is an out hole, young man. I warn all of you, do not go down that road. You will get aids and die. Now, does anybody else have a question?" The educator rambled, fixing her hair awkwardly. I heard the rustling of clothes beside me, and glancing around, Blair had her hand straight up in the air. "Yes, sweetheart?" Sex Ed lady pointed to her. "OK, so this is interesting and all, but I was just wondering, what about non-heterosexual sex?" Her brows knit for a moment. I looked around at her now. The breath caught in my throat. "I'm sorry?" Sex Ed lady asked. "You know. Man on man. Girl on girl. What about all of that?" Blair raised a brow. "I mean, you gotta know there's more than just heterosexual people out there. Maybe some even in this room right now." "Blair." Ms Hall began. "Because, if you disagree, then that's ridiculous. Oh, and if you think aids is some kind of death sentence, then you seriously need to educate yourself." Sex ed lady looked appalled, her Christian beliefs quite clearly threatened. "That's it. Get out." Ms Hall stood up. Blair huffed, pushing her seat back, lifted her bag and left the room, Ms Hall following behind. "OK. So, any other questions? Reasonable questions only, please." Jujubee was looking over her shoulder at me now, sharing the same expression I did. Thank God for lunch next period. Jujubee and I were hiding at the back of the school, in an alley between the building itself and the old workshops. The perfect hiding place for a smoke and to freak the fuck out about specific events. "Juju, she knows. She knows I'm a lesbian. She knows I like her." I paced. "I'm moving. That's it." I stopped. "But why would she speak up for me of all people? It doesn't make sense." My eyes widened. "Unless she's also a lesbian. I mean, that makes sense, right?" Jujubee had been sitting on the wall, patiently listening to my manic ramblings. The first few minutes, she was just as astounded. But the more I theorised, rambling on and on, she was over it. "I highly doubt that considering the boyfriend." "Then she must know. Why else would she say it? I highly doubt there are other gays in that class. Speaking of which, I had no idea lesbians could have sex like; how does that work. I'm gonna look into that somehow. But getting back to the point, if she did know, why would she speak out for me of all people?" My ramblings were non-stop. I tried my best to avoid Blair for the rest of the day, not that I could, considering we were both in the same last period. Blair's outburst was the talk of the school. I wasn't sure if it was a positive response or not. The only thing I did know was Trevor was pissed. "Brie, look." Jujubee tapped me. I turned from my locker and looked where everyone else seemed to be

looking. Just down the corridor, Trevor was standing over Blair, their conversation clearly heated. People were shamelessly moving closer, Jujubee following in their path. "Juju, don't," I whispered. But she didn't listen. I went after her as if it would stop her. "Trevor, this isn't that big of a deal," Blair said. "Not a big deal? Blair, do you know what the guys are saying? They think you're gonna dump me for a girl. Do you know how humiliating that is?" Trevor held a hand to his chest "And what if I did?" Blair challenged. The few people standing around cooed with excitement. "Oh, please. Don't get all cocky now that you have an audience." Trevor pointed. But Blair took a step closer to him. "What, 'cause you know you're the one who looks like an idiot? Maybe if you weren't so insecure, you'd know I would never do that to you." "Don't call me an idiot." Trevor lowered his tone, choosing purposely to ignore her reassurance. "Fine. But don't criticise me for a valid question I asked in a class you weren't even a part of. It's none of your business, no one's business for that matter." Blair bit back. "I can do what I want, Blair." "OK. Whatever." Blair brushed past him. Trevor quickly spun around, grabbing her arm. "No, we're not done having this conversation." My stomach twisted. "Let go of my arm, Trevor." Blair tugged, her voice cracking. Trevor did as was told now that the air was thick with tension, "We are not done talking," he stressed. Blair took a step back, "Yeah, we are, actually," and she turned to walk away. "If you walk away right now, we're finished." Trevor threatened. It was as if time was at a standstill, waiting for her reaction. But at the same time, it felt as though time was counting down. Like we were in a competition show. The contestant has to decide before time runs out, while the audience yells, 'DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!' No one was shouting, but you could feel everyone's excitement. Blair's lip curled upwards. "OK. Fine by me." And, finally, she walked off. The people were cooing with excitement again. "Shut up!" Trevor shouted. I grabbed Jujubee by the shoulder and ushered her back. Trevor kicked his locker, the thud echoing through the halls. That was the last straw. Knowing Trevor, he'd take his anger out on us. It was time to flee the scene. It was all Jujubee wanted to talk about for the rest of the day. Now I knew how she felt during my smoke break. But I couldn't blame her. The scene played in my head over and over again, leading to so many questions. Was there more to this breakup? Did he grab Blair like that all the time? What would happen now? Would she find a new guy? A girl, maybe? I came to the conclusion that Blair and Trevor's breakup was neither good nor bad. Bad because, as I said before, now he had more pent up anger from the humiliation of being so publicly dumped. Therefore, Jujubee and I would most likely be subject to more harassment. Good, because maybe Blair did like girls. Maybe there was still some little chance for us to be together. But if we were going to be together, there was one issue; I still had no fucking idea how lesbian sex worked. Cut to later that night, I'm in my room, sitting in front of my computer. I needed to distract myself from my thoughts of the breakup. While the scratchy dial-up tones emitted the machine, I psyched myself up. Even though I knew sex was normal to learn about at that age, it was still daunting. With shaky hands, I searched 'lesbian sex'. And fuck was it a mistake. What I wanted was educational articles, guides, etc. And what I got was porn. I watched all but a few minutes, all the painfully bad acting scenes that took place before the main event. Upon hearing the first moan, I clicked out as fast as I could. Looking behind me, Piggie was just playing with a stuffed animal on my bed. "You saw that, right?" He looked at me with perked ears. I still felt judged, so I opened my bedroom door and let him out. I needed to be exact. 'How do lesbians have sex?' And Brianna Caldwell was never the

same. My mind was opened that night. This was no mistake. This was a surprise. I couldn't look away from the computer screen, no matter how slow the Internet connection was. All of this information was all too much but not enough at the same time. And it made me feel less nauseated than I felt after watching that stupid video in class. And I built up the courage to go back to that porn site. And I watched every damn second. Then I watched another one. And another. And just one more 'cause why the fuck not? My bedroom door opened. "Brianna, I'm ordering - -" "Get out," I shouted, closing the site down like my life depended on it. But she stood there for a few seconds, eyes wide and hand still on the door frame. "Honey, are you - -" "Mom, oh my god. Can you just - -" I couldn't even form a proper sentence. She gave an apologetic look and closed the door. But she remained on the other side. "I just wanted you to know that I'm ordering pizza for Grandpa and me. Do you want some?" My forehead was in my hand now. "Yes." "What kind?" "Just…" I wanted to shout, "Pepperoni." And with that, she left. But that wasn't the end of it. When the food arrived, I waited a few minutes before going downstairs to grab a few slices. Grandpa was in the living room watching an old rerun of The A-Team. But she was there, in the kitchen, as if she was waiting for me. "Honey, look. I know you're getting to that age where you're curious about certain things and - -" "Mom, no. Please, don't do this." I whined. "I know. I know. I just wanted to let you know that this is natural, and…" she continued to deliver the same talk we all got in class. My eyes were wide, face red with humiliation. -_-_-_- 2020 I picked up a slice of pepperoni pizza, instantly reminded of the traumatic event. OK, maybe that was too strong of a word to use. But of course, you are going to dread the thought of that time your parent talked to you about sex. I walked into the living room, pizza slice in hand, trying not to dwell on the memory. "So, Brianna. Any update on the love life?" Tamisha asked. I loved that bitch; being one of Mom's closest friends, she was present for most of my life. But she always had a tendency to ask questions I wasn't up for answering. I took a bite from my pizza and answered with a full mouth, "dry." "Girl, you're almost 40." She continued. I was ready to challenge her because I was actually just 33 when Mom took her turn to speak. "Yeah, get yourself a man and make me a Grandma already." She wasn't serious. She knew I hated these types of talks, but that didn't stop her from encouraging the others. The funny thing about the time she caught me watching porn, she never clocked it was girl on girl. Of all the years I've been on this planet, I hadn't given her a clue that I was a lesbian. Would I ever tell her? I didn't see the point. From previous failed relationships and being too busy with my job, I wouldn't end up with someone anyway. But of course, I'd make an exception for a certain someone. Monét poured the first round of shots. I already knew I'd hate myself the next day. I wasn't drunk already. Just sort of buzzed. But that changed within an hour. I was hammered. Mom, Monét and all her friends were singing all the old songs in the living room. I was out in the kitchen, trying to drink 8 glasses of water. I only managed 3. Piggie ran in and put his paws up on my knee. "There he is. My baby. My fucking son." I slid down to the ground and let him sit in my lap. "How is your night going?" Just great, Brianna! Anyway, how about that Blair girl, huh? Piggie's non-existent voice said. "Oh yeah," my eyes narrowed. I unlocked my phone and opened up Facebook. And I bravely searched up her name. I say bravely because it does take some balls to go and stalk your crushes social media accounts. All it took to fuck everything up was the slip of a finger, and before you know it, you've liked a post or sent a friend request. "Let's do some digging, Piggie." I cuddled him. Immediately, she was the top result, with Jujubee

being the only mutual friend. "Yeah, girl. Infiltration." I commented as I clicked into her profile. And then her profile picture. "Holy shit." She hadn't aged. She still looked as young and radiant as she did back in high school. "What do you think, Piggie?" I showed him the screen. He glanced at it before tucking his head under his arms. The enthusiasm. I rolled my eyes. I looked at her info. 'Single'. Promising. Scrolling down to her timeline, I noticed she didn't post a lot. Fair enough. Facebook was becoming a dead site in recent years. There were just your average Facebook posts, sharing giveaway posts, a post from an old lady saying, 'Blair, this is Granny. Could you go to Walmart and get me some applesauce? Love granny xx', a shared post from a guy called George Miller. And my finger stopped scrolling upon seeing Blair holding a baby. "Oh God, we've encountered our first obstacle, Piggie," I whined. I clicked into the comments. That George Miller guy commented, 'congrats, Blair!' She replied, 'thank you, but she's my cousin's lol'. "Thank you, Jesus." I put my phone down for a moment to put my hand up to the good lord. I scrolled some more, seeing many inspirational quotes, a link to Adore You by Harry Styles. And a picture of her. With that George Miller guy. With his arms around her. Pressing a kiss to her temple. I could feel my heart sink the more I studied it. Yeah, I knew Blair and I were never meant to be anyway. But it was still upsetting. Relax. They could be friends. Yeah, that's right. Friends hold each other and act all affectionate, right?? I cuddle with Jujubee sometimes. That doesn't mean anything. Right? I needed evidence, just anything, to make it not true. I scrolled some more. There was a video, she was sitting on her sofa, with a girl playing the guitar sitting on the other end. "I've been running races on empty, Pour it up 'cause my cup so empty. Gotta make time for the real me. I've been running, I've been running on empty." And my nerves were settled again. I had only heard Blair sing a few times. She and her friends would pretend they were famous singers in early elementary years, and she'd always be the best. Then another time was in high school, at the winter talent show. I specifically remember it being A moment like this by Kelly Clarkson. It was unreal. 'Jujubee 💋💅🏽 is typing…' I clicked into Snapchat before she even had a chance to type the whole message. "Do you remember Jujubee?" I asked Piggie. Again, he was silent. 'I hope you're having fun, babe ❤ lv u'. "Thanks," was all I could manage to type. A shadow cast over me. I looked up to see Monét join me on the ground. "Hey, girl." She greeted me. "Hi, Aunt Monét." I smiled. Piggie hopped off my lap and onto hers. "Aunt Monét? Honey, you haven't called me that since middle school." She smiled. I returned the smile, only mine probably looking goofy. "I'm just wasted." "I noticed. No more shots for you anyway." She noted, taking a drink from her own bottle. "Anyway, how's the project?" "We got fucking Ed Sheeran involved." I then cursed myself internally for bringing it up. "I heard. Your Mom was telling me. Ugh, girl, why him? Why not someone like…" she paused to think, "like Beyonce. Or Lady Gaga." "OK, man-hater." I quipped, reaching over to pet Piggie. "Not true. Not all men are bad." Monét pointed out. "Speaking of which, when are you getting yourself one?" I could have given her the usual 'I don't have time for men's talk. But the alcohol said no. "Monét, I like girls." And I felt no shame in saying it. A moment of silence fell between us before she asked, "for real?" "Yeah." I nodded. "Does anyone else know?" "Yeah. Juju. And Piggie probably." I replied, leaving one more name out for the sole purpose I didn't want to get into that. "And Mom?" "Nope." She nodded. "I guess this is one of these aunty-niece confidentiality things?" "Uh-huh." I smiled. Bless Aunt Monét. "Well, no matter who you live, we still love you." She laughed for a moment before taking another drink. I knew

she was right. Maybe coming out to Mom wasn't such a bad idea. "You know what, Brianna?" She paused, "Grandpa would be so proud of you, right?" My smile slowly began to drop. Fuck, the touchy subject. "Oh, I...thanks." I thought the change in my mood was hard to miss, but Monét clearly had. "You and I ain't ever talked about him since...you know." "OK," I said quietly, feeling like my chest was a fist, beginning to clench tighter and tighter. "And sometimes, it's just good to look back on - -" "I gotta go." I quickly stood up, feeling the dark fog already come over me. I rushed from the room, my aunty calling my name and apologising. I avoided going into the living room, rushing up the stairs and racing for the bathroom. As soon as the door was locked, I let myself crumble, my face hidden beneath shaking hands, a cry clogged in my throat just begging to belt out. Mom would definitely hear it. I wasn't going to ruin her day. Absolutely not.

[dershloopmain]

End Of Everything - Chapter 2

‘’Jesus,’’ Casey said, looking down at the broken fence with multiple zombies, all in different states of living, tried to claw their way out of their barbed wire and wooden confines.

‘’Tell me about it. I knew they were dumb but I thought they were supposed to have dope eyesight? Doesn't look like it to me,’’’ Raph scoffed, pulling his own splintering baseball bat out of his bag, poking the arm of the closest trapped zombie.

‘’Won’t Donnie want a sample for his tests? Don't poke em too much what if they come free you ass!”

‘’They won't come free! I dunno I thought he was good for all that.’’

‘’I dunno either but shouldn't we at least ask him? Besides, we need the help,’’ Casey said with a shrug, ‘’and stop poking em Raph!’’

‘’What? You can ask him, but if I show my face in that lair before this is done, Leo will end my life so you’re going,’’ Raph said, pulling back from the undead recipient of his abuse.

‘’Fine, I’ll go alone then.’’

‘’Don’t say it like that you’re making it seem like you're going out into a haunted forest. You just gotta drop down the sewer pipe and walk like 100 feet then you’re at the turnstiles.’’

‘’I know! I also know I am, just as susceptible to Leo’s… whatever we’re calling them.’’

‘’First of all, when did you learn such a big word Jones and second just text him then you big dope,’’ Raph rolled his eyes, turning back to his undead victims, beginning to poke and prod at their bodies.

‘’I said stop fuckin’ poking em dude!’’ Casey said, pushing Raph away from the fence with his foot as he tapped out a text to Donnie, ‘’And it's surprising what hanging with D all day makes you learn.’’

‘’Hey! Rude. They're not gonna hurt anyone they're stuck as anything in there. Besides, I’ve been hanging with Don for years, you won't get smarter in a couple of months. Half his ramblings are gibberish at this point,’’ Raph said, sitting up and continuing to poke the zombie. Casey rolled his eyes, realising he wasn't going to win this.

‘’I dunno. I guess I just actually pay attention to him,’’ Casey said with a glare.

‘’Oh sorry,’’ Raph said with a sarcastic high pitched tone, ‘’What is he your boyfriend now? Why’re you getting so defensive?’’ Casey shot another glare at Raph, ‘’Yikes, touchy subject then. I’ll support you no matter what bro, and if you wanna kiss some time, just let me know,’’ Raph said, standing and pouting his lips while moving towards his friend.

‘’Dude stop it,’’ Casey laughed, pushing Raph back, ‘’No he isn’t either I’m just saying, maybe you’d be less of a bone head if you actually listened to him.’’

‘’Nice to know I’ve still got a chance with you then,’’ Raph said with a smirk, ‘’And who are you calling ‘bonehead’ Casey Jones, you’ve got more skull than cells.’’

‘’Alright alright I get it you’re gay for me, its hard not to be, just don't let Mona hear or she will kill both of us. I’m also just gonna ignore that last part but what I said still stands you’re a bonehead.’’

‘’I show you bone head,’’ Raph said, diving at Casey and tackling him to the ground, locking him in a headlock, ‘’Say I'm not a bonehead and I’ll let you go.’’ He said with a smile.

‘’Never!’’

‘’Well then, I hope you like the taste of dirt and sweat because I ain’t moving until you say it!’’

‘’Children, children, come on stop it,’’ Donnie said, rolling his eyes as he pulled himself out of the sewer. Raph looked up at his brother and smiled, allowing Casey a moment to flip Raph up and off of him. He landed on the dusty, cracked tarmac with a shout of surprise, before huffing and pulling himself and Casey up off of the floor, ‘’Now then. What’s the problem?’’

‘’We need help and Case was wondering if you needed new samples to test,’’ Raph said, pointing at the hole in the fence and multiple zombies clawing at the floor in an attempt to pull themselves free and feast on the 3’s flesh.

‘’Right… I’m guessing Leo said you couldn't have help right? That’s why you texted me?’’

‘’Yup.’’

‘’Thought so,’’ Donnie said softly with a small grimace on his face. A grimace that didn't go unnoticed by Casey and Raph. Nothing was said regarding it but yet… they all understood. A silent yet ever-present cloud hung over them all but not a word was said. Raph cleared his throat.

‘’Right then,’’ He spoke, rubbing his hands together readily, ‘’Let’s get on with it.’’ With that, the moment was over and the cloud disappeared, however not completely. It still loomed over them, threatening to take over their beings at any point. Donnie and Casey nodded, pulling their splintering boe staff and baseball bat out respectively and begun to shift the monsters, pushing them back from a safe distance.

‘’How long have our defences been compromised?’’ Donnie said, straightening up and letting out a deep breath.

‘’Not sure,’’ Raph said, copying his brother, ‘’But they’re really stuck in there so it must’ve been at least a couple of days. Probably longer.’’

‘’Why did Leo only send you two to do this?’’

‘’Your guess is as good as mine. He probably still hates me because of what happened.’’

‘’He can’t be still hung up on that. It’s been 3 months.’’

‘’I know,’’ Raph let out a shaky sigh, lifting his hand and pinching the bridge of his nose, ‘’He's not the only one who lost someone important though. We all lost something but we aren't all tyrannical megalomaniacs.’’

‘’You know how close Usagi and he were though. You can’t be mad at him for missing him.’’

‘’It’s past ‘missing him’. Fuck, I miss Mona too but it’s not my fault it happened I just- I just hate that I can't stop loving him. He's my brother, no matter what he does to me. I nearly died on that supply run, if it weren't for Casey I wouldn't be here but… no matter how mad it makes me I can’t stay mad at him,’’ Raph bit his tongue, his shoulders sinking in defeat, ‘’I’d do anything to get him back.’’

‘’I know Raph. I know,’’ Donnie said softly, moving towards his brother and wrapping his arms around him, rubbing his shell comfortingly. Casey didn’t say a word, he only followed Donnie’s lead and wrapped his own arms around his friend.

‘’Fuck me, man, there's something about the apocalypse that's making us all sappy,’’ Casey laughed, pulling an arm away from Raph and wrapping it around Donnie, who evidently also wasn't taking the entire situation well, but was just a lot worse at talking about it. He could tell from the turtle's physique that it’d taken a toll on him. Initially, while he had always been relatively thin, any muscle mass he had had before was gone, leaving nothing but skin, bone and organs. The eye bags Donnie had always sported seemed deeper and more rooted in weeks of sleepless nights rather than days of late nights and early mornings. His face was sallow and thin, his cheekbones protruding through his skin, almost pushing to escape their green confines. But he never said a word. Not to him. Not to Mikey or Raph. Not even to April. He was a silent sufferer, he wouldn't say a word to anyone but yet everyone knew. One of these days, Casey thought, he was going to have a proper conversation with Donnie. A proper talk. Even back before all this, they hadn’t been insanely close. Always at war over something or other yet something drew Casey to Donnie. He wasn't sure what yet but he’d figure it out. Eventually.

‘’Guys you do realise there's still zombies literal centimetres from us,’’ Donnie said, glazing towards the green-grey decaying hand reaching out for Raph’s ankle.

‘’Oh shit yeah,’’ Raph and Casey said in unison, pulling away and starring down at the writhing mass.

‘’How are we gonna move ‘em then?’’ Raph said, pulling a broken hockey stick out of Casey’s bag and poking the creatures again.

‘’My God Raph you’re like a 6-year-old. Stop. Poking. The. Fucking. Zombies!’’ Casey said angrily, ripping the hockey stick out of his hand and shoving them firmly back into his bag.

‘’Well, by the looks of things,’’ Donnie said, crouching down and levering the creatures up using his staff, ‘’They’ve been impaled by the fence. Pushing them back is just going to lodge them in even more and break the fence even more. We need to create some kind of lever system to lift them up so we can push them off the fence and out of our perimeter,’’ He stood up again, stretching his legs out and giving them a small shake, before looking over at Raph and Casey.

‘’This is why you’re the brain’s and I’m the brawn D,’’ Casey said, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and pushing him down into a headlock.

‘’Cut it out Casey,’’ Donnie said indignantly, squirming in an attempt to get out of Casey’s arms.

‘’Yeah Casey, cut it out. We gotta sort this out before ‘Nardo throws his rattle out his pram,’’ Raph rolled his eyes and Casey grimaced, loosening his grip and allowing Donnie to pull himself free.

Without another word, Donnie pulled a small toolbox out of his bag and placed it on the floor not too far from the creatures writhing in the barbed wire and jagged wood. Opening the box gently, he pulled out a small, clean-looking glass syringe and a neatly folded wet wipe.

‘’Ok,’’ He said finally, ‘’I need you two, and its imperative that you listen and do exactly as I say because I’m your only hope for a cure and if I get turned you’re all doomed so,’’ Donnie pointed at the pile of zombies, ‘’hold them down and away from me. But under no circumstances are you to do ANYTHING that could kill that one. If they die, their sample will be tarnished and it won't be effective,’’ He finished, a stern and serious expression on his face.

‘’Got it, Don,’’ Raph said, walking towards the pile and pushing his foot down onto the head of the creature Donnie had said, ‘’Casey, can you hold the others back while try and sort this one out?’’

‘’I’ll try,’’ He said sheepishly, looking down at the 3 or so other zombies laying at his feet before quickly composing himself and beginning to use his hockey stick to lift them up and pushing them back and away from his friends and home. Stepping over the barbed wire and broken fencing, he jammed his hockey stick back into his bag and pulled the splintering bat out, moving towards the now free pile of freaks.

‘’You want me to kill em, D?’’

‘’Can do,’’ Donnie said flatly, not looking up from his test subject.

‘’Uh- You know what never mind I’ll just kill em,’’ Casey said, swinging his bat in a downward arch, smashing the creatures’ skulls in, killing them all instantaneously. Mushy brain and dark, viscous blood splattered on his sneakers and jeans, coating them in another layer of grit and grime. He had to admit, the idea that these were once living people was disturbing to him. They’d once had lives, jobs, families and friends. They’d been like him once. Alive and free. Would everyone have bashed his skull in if he’d been infected? Or would he have been corralled and used as a test subject for Donnie to find a cure? He hoped the latter but… He wasn’t sure. After what’d happened, he wasn’t sure Leo would’ve been insanely happy with the idea of keeping zombies in the lair, especially not him. Being low on the hierarchy had its perks but not having Leo on his side in regards to anything was not one of them. He sighed, shaking the viscera off of his shoes and bat before stepping back into the borders of their home.

‘’Nearly done Don?’’ Casey said, crouching near him. He glanced over at his

‘’Nearly and… there we go done,’’ Donnie said, wiping the mucus and deep red blood from the small wound he’d just created, smiling at his work.

‘’Why’d you wipe it after. They’re dead their entire body is infected,’’ Raph said, removing his foot from the creatures head and letting Donnie back up before dropping its arms and dashing around to the other side of the fence.

‘’Force of habit,’’ Donnie said quietly, clearly uncomfortable with what was about to happen.

‘’We have to do it, Don, I know you don’t like it but we do,’’ Raph said, walking over to his brother and putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. Donnie looked away, gently placing the syringe into a ziplock back and putting it back into his toolbox.

‘’I know you do I just- I don’t think I’ll ever get used to seeing them be killed. They used to alive and through no fault of their own, now they’re monsters I- I don't know how much more of this excessive violence and murder I can take,’’ Donnie said, his eyes filling up with tears.

‘’Hey, hey don’t get upset. Crying’s healthy and all but if you start, I’ll start and even Raph might start- hey ow!’’ Casey exclaimed, whipping around and shooting Raph a death glare. Raph snorted, a mischievous smirk plastered on his face. Donnie laughed, wiping away yet another batch of unshed tears.

‘’Sorry it just… gets a little much at times,’’ Donnie shook his head, rubbing his elbow nervously.

‘’Don’t apologise for having emotions you big dummy,’’ Raph said, walking to stand next to Casey, ‘’I gotta say, me and Casey aren’t exactly peachy. I doubt Mikey and April are either. Don’t even get me started on Leo. It’s ok to feel like this Don, just stop bottling it up. That’s where it’s not healthy.’’

‘’I can’t believe for once WE are the one's schooling Donnie,’’ Casey said, crossing his arms and shaking his head jokingly. Raph rolled his eyes, as did Donnie.

‘’Now the sentimental shit’s over, let’s just finish up here and go down, I seriously doubt ‘Nardo is gonna be happy with how long we’ve been,’’ Raph said, trying not to think about what was inevitably to come.

‘’Tell me about it. D, we’ll deal with the creature and you can like, close your eyes and ears if that’ll help, then we’ll get started on the fence,’’ Casey said, trying to add an air of enthusiasm to his voice to bring up the mood, however, even he could tell it wasn’t working.

‘’Sure,’’ Donnie said, walking back to the manhole cover and looking away, covering his ears as Raph and Casey pulled out their respective weapons and began pulling the zombie out of the barbed wire and splintering wood, replacing it out onto the dusty street. Then, Raph stepped towards the thing that was slowly attempting to crawl back towards them and slammed his sai down into its head, cracking its skull and killing it, once and for all. He felt the vibrations up his arm as the metal of his sai clashed with the concrete, causing him to shiver a little, before pulling himself up and shaking the remnants of blood and brain off of his sai.

‘’Ok D, all done,’’ Casey shouted over, turning around to his friend and giving him a reassuring smile, who offered a small, shaky smile in return.

With that, Raph tucked his sai away and stepped over what was leftover of the small portion of the fence.

‘’You got any nails in that thing Donnie?’’ Raph asked, gesturing at the toolbox.

‘’I should have a few, I brought some hammers too, I figured you two wouldn't have remembered to bring any with you,’’ Donnie said, opening the toolbox and pulling out a handful of nails and handing them to Casey, before pulling his backpack around so it hung over one shoulder and rummaging through it for a couple of seconds before pulling out 3 relatively clean hammers and handing one to each of them.

‘’Well then, let's get to it,’’ Raph said, swinging the hammer around and grabbing a couple of nails from Casey’s outstretched hand, before picking up one of the wooden boards and beginning to bash it back into the wooden post that protruded from the tarmac. Casey and Donnie soon followed suit, before finally beginning to carefully pick up the barbed and wrap it around the makeshift fencing.

‘’That wasn’t so bad,’’ Raph said, grinning at their handiwork.

‘’Definitely a lot quicker with you here D,’’ Casey said, smiling at his friend.

‘’No problem Casey. I know how Leo can be, so just text me if you ever need help with anything. He already doesn't like you coming down to my lab. Thinks you’re stopping me from working or something,’’ Donnie said with a sigh.

‘’Well, I’m not gonna stop coming unless you tell me to. I don’t care what he thinks,’’ Casey said defiantly, putting his hands on his hips as if he were some hero.

‘’A real modern-day revolutionary you are Casey Jones,’’ Donnie said, rolling his eyes with a smirk.

‘’Should we head back? It’s getting cold,’’ Raph said, wrapping his arms around himself and rubbing them in an attempt to preserve any sort of body heat he could.

‘’Jesus it is. Must really be September,’’ Casey said, stuffing his hands deep into his hoody pockets.

Donnie nodded, flexing his fingers before pulling them back into a fist multiple times.

With that, the three headed towards the manhole cover and climbed down back into the sewer. It was surprising how much you learned about New York’s bathroom habits after 6 months of the apocalypse. Raph had always assumed that there’d always be greywater down here, no matter how many humans lived up top yet somehow, the sewers had run dry. Remains of final faeces and bathroom breaks lay dried up or non-existent along the floor of the sewer. It was almost impressive yet disturbing. The world really was ending. Or, as Donnie had put it ‘’Humanity's end as the dominant life force on earth’’.

‘’Bite your tongue Raph. If Leo says anything, don’t bite,’’ Donnie whispered as they hopped the turnstiles into the lair. Raph swallowed in a desperate attempt to dampen his dry tongue, failing miserably. He could feel his stomach turn in knots and any food he’d eaten in the last 24 hours was churning in his stomach, threatening to make a reappearance.

‘’Raphael,’’ Leo’s deep voice filled their ears, Raph flinched, ‘’I trust your supply run went well.’’

‘’Yeah. Got more medical supplies. There wasn’t much else we needed though so that was it.’’ ‘’What about our defences. Are they secure now?’’

‘’Yeah. Casey and Donnie helped me patch it back up so it should be fine.’’

‘’Donatello helped? I thought I told you that you and Casey were to do it alone.’’

‘’Yes, I know, I’m sorry but he was already up there to get another sample from the zombies and he had stuff on him to help so…’’ Raph trailed off, his eyes trained on the ground. He refused to look into Leo’s cold, uncaring eyes. If he did, he already knew he couldn't hold himself back.

‘’Hmm. Donatello? Is this what happened?’’

‘’Yes, Leo. I promise you, they didn’t ask me to help them. I asked them if I could come up to get a sample for my studies,’’ Donnie said sheepishly, looking up at Leo, trying his best not to let his fear be shown.

‘’Fine. I’ll believe you. You may all leave now.’’ Leo said plainly, glaring down at Casey and Raph, both of whom were starring at the ground still as they walked away, shoulders hunching slightly.

Leo nearly felt himself crack. He wanted to stop them, tell them he was sorry and wanted everything to go back to normal but… he couldn't. He couldn’t stop hating them for what happened. He couldn’t stop his blood from boiling every time he saw Raph walk past him to leave the lair. Maybe time would heal all wounds, but for now, he was perfectly content blaming and hating his younger brother for what he’d done. Not just because of what he'd lost. It's what all of them had lost. It was how reckless and immature Raph had been and HOW he'd caused it. All of it added up into a pit of rage that had been brewing for years. The number of times he'd been kidnapped or injured because of Raph's idiocy and complacency and arrogance. What had happened had broken him, the small, sane and happy, innocent part of him had snapped. Maybe if Usagi returned that part would be reconnected but… he knew that wouldn’t happen. It couldn’t happen. And it was all Raph’s fault.

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Leave No One Behind Ch2: The Red Sea Diving Resort

Part 2

Co written with @icanfeelastormbrewing​

Just a reminder- episode Warnings: Bad Language words. Allusions to death and serious injury.

Series Master List   //  Main Masterlist 

Part 1 

Later that night Ari headed out to meet Kabede who took him to the refugee camp. It was dirty, crowded, there was hardly any food…and then there was the woman. She’d shouted at both Ari and Kabede for bringing her to the camp exclaiming that her father had died, her husband was missing and her son was sick. Ari left feeling like shit, determined to do what he could, as soon as he could.

By the time he arrived back at the resort it was already dawn. As he parked the jeep he spotted Hannah walking down the sand towards the main part of the resort dressed in a pair of denim shorts and a tank top. He gave her a shout and she stopped and turned to face him, her hand shielding her eyes from the rising sun.

“You’re up early.” he smiled at her.

“None of us have been to bed.” she shrugged “We had too much to do, making the place habitable. We’ve figured out what each of the staff do…oh, and we also now have functioning showers. Max and Sammy got the hot water running.” she smirked slightly, nodding at him “You should take one…”

“Do I smell that bad?” he teased.

“Not considering you’ve been in those clothes for like, what? 48 hours?”

“Fuck knows.” he shrugged.

“How did it go?”

Ari took a sigh, his hands dropping to his hips “Honestly? It was horrible. There’s hundreds of them crowded in there Han. They’re sick and…”He ran a hand over his face as Hannah waited for him to continue “There was one woman there, she was crying, saying she’d left her home for nothing and she’d lost her husband and…”

“Well I know how she feels.” Hannah said softly as her hand moved to her neck involuntarily, and Ari saw her eyes flutter shut when she realised her necklace wasn’t there. She’d left it at home, for the same reason his Star of David chain was on his bedside table in his apartment- they were too obvious, invited too many questions, pointed to a part of their real lives and they couldn’t afford anything at all to do so.

“Firefly…you know, if I could change anything, about what happened…”

“But you can’t Ari.” she said softly before she took a deep breath “Andy knew the risks, we both did…” and just like that the walls were back up, and her face had recovered.  “Come on, we should get some breakfast and then you can fill everyone in properly.”

With that she reached out to gently touch his arm before she headed off towards the hotel.

Ari watched her go. He hadn't reacted to her soft touch, not even a smile back or even a squeeze of her hand. The skin on his arm was burning where she had placed her hand but he was frozen on the spot consumed by guilt. Guilt about what he had just witnessed a few hours prior and guilt about what he was sure Hannah was feeling thanks to his desire to bring up Andy, once again, to purge his guilt. Fucking asshole, Levinson.

She reached the spot by the tables at the back of the resort where Max was stood having breakfast. He watched the rising sun glowing on her shoulders' skin, her hair blowing due to the sea breeze. Again, fucking asshole, Levinson.

"You ok, Cracker?" Max asked Hannah when she reached him by the back of the building.  He was concerned about the sad smile on her face.

"Yup." She answered and in a flash Max saw that sad simile turn into a wicked grin. But before he could ask what it was about, Hannah had stolen the toast that was in his hand and entered the building.

"Thank you for breakfast, Maltese Falcon." she quipped.

Max stood there, looking at her and then at his empty hand before sighing and following her back in. What was with these lot and fucking up his meals?

Ari chuckled lightly as he watched the scene. That was the Hannah he had met all those years ago, the annoying but lively little sister. Firefly. He ran his hands through his hair before stretching a bit and heading back to the main building to freshen up and give instructions to the team.

Half an hour later they all had finished breakfast and the local staff were busy doing their assigned chores. Rachel had explained she had been talking to them and had instructed them to resume the usual jobs each one of them had been doing when the previous owners ran the resort. She had made a list with the names of the staff along with their designated tasks, and had asked them to address to her for any doubt or question, as she was the general manager of the hotel.

When Ari made sure none of the staff were within earshot, he started to explain the situation the refugees he had visited the previous night with Kabede were in.

"It’s worse than we thought. We have to do something as soon as possible." Ari said and stopped as he could hear a pair of men from the staff speaking in Sudanese.

"It's too dangerous to speak here." Hannah said looking over her shoulder to where the voices came from.

"They are just discussing who cleans the kitchen floor." Rachel offered.

"Still. We need to come up with a way to speak more privately." Ari added.

"We could do it on the beach...." Sam started.

"Wait. The boats! We could tell the staff we're looking for diving spots, testing the waters." Jake cut in.

"Great idea, Jake. Let's go for it." Ari grinned.

"Have we unpacked the wetsuits yet?" Max asked looking at Hannah and she shook her head.

"We don't need them. We arrived only yesterday and we want to explore the surroundings there's nothing odd about that." Ari conceded.

They hopped on one of the boats and Jake steered it a few hundred yards off the shore where he cut the engine and allowed the soft waves and current to simply hold them in place as Ari began telling the group about his trip to the camp and his thoughts on their first run.

“Friday's holy to Muslims, so we'll have less military on the street.” Ari nodded as he took off his jacket. The sun was already blazing hot and he could feel it on his arms as he folded the jacket, dropping it to the floor of the boat. “We need a dark night, darkest Friday of the month”

“When is that?” Max asked.

“In two weeks.” Rachel answered him.

“Two weeks. Two weeks it is, then.”  Ari nodded. “Kabede's going to get two trucks from the locals, something inconspicuous that we can park out front of the hotel.” he said, pointing out of the boat back to the shore.

“We should do a dry run.” Sam said, “Familiarize ourselves with the terrain.”

“Jake, we gotta make sure the Navy's on time.” Ari looked at the man.

“What if they can't be?” Jake asked.

“I don’t care, tell them they don't have a choice.” Ari said, an air of urgency in his voice as he shrugged.

“I said, we should do a dry run.” Sam spoke again and Hannah looked at him, taking a deep breath as once more Ari ignored her bother.

“Max, you and Rachel go with Kabede to get the trucks.” he instructed and Sammy gave a sarcastic scoff of laughter.

“Guess we're not doing a dry run.”

“They're dying, Sammy.” Ari said softly, and everyone turned to face him.  “They're sick, and they're starving. And we're not gonna sit here and enjoy Aziz's fucking cooking, working on our suntan while they're out there suffering, not if we can do something about it.” Max glanced at Hannah who was looking at her feet, before he sat up and cracked his neck. She winced and looked at him.

“I fucking hate it when you do that, you jerk.” she glared, reaching over to shove him. It wasn’t a particularly harsh push in his chest, but it threw him off balance enough to make him wobble backwards, almost sending him over the side of the boat.

“Easy Cracker!” he said, as the rest of the team gave a soft chuckle, the tension of the moment relived slightly as he pointed at her “Just so you know, I go in, you’re coming with me.”

She snorted and looked around, and Ari smiled as Max took a deep breath.

“Sam?” Ari looked at his friend who simply shrugged

“Better start making arrangements.” he replied, raising his eyebrows.

***** Over the next two weeks, in between the preparation they were making for the Mission, the team spent their time ensuring the Resort was cleaned up as much as possible, so that it at least looked passable from the outside. The days consisted of breakfast, work, lunch, work, dinner, drinks, work, bed. They’d done a supply run, stocked up the bar and collected the first supply box that had been shipped out from Ethan which to Hannah and Rachel’s’ delight contained a number of LPs which the girls spent a lot of time listening and dancing to.

The mood was largely light, growing serious when they were planning the mission in depth but overall it was happy, despite the few disagreements Ari and Sammy had over a few minor points. But then, one Wednesday morning drew round, and the mood was noticeably much more sombre. For good reason.

“You ok?” Max asked as Hannah reached into the middle of the table for the coffee pot. She nodded and made herself a drink before she simply turned made to walk away.

“Red?” Jake looked at her, but she ignored him and headed away from the table.

Max watched her go before he turned back to the table. He shared a glance with Ari who was watching Hannah’s back, before he turned his blue eyes to the table, his head bowed slightly.

“What am I missing?” Jake frowned.

“It’s 4 years today since her husband died.” Sammy said gently, looking at Jake.

“Oh, shit.” Jake said with a sigh “Sorry man.”

Sammy waved his apology off and watched Hannah out of the corner of his eye.

"How did it happen? I mean I know you were all on a mission but..." Jake inquired out of curiosity but in an attempt to not hurt anyone with out of place comments or questions as well.

"Jake." Max warned but Ari cut him off, his eyes fixed on the table.

"No, it's all right." he shook his head slightly.

"Ari you don't ..." Sam began to say.

"No, it's not necessary, Ari." Max added looking at Sam and then Ari whose eyes were still fixed on the table avoiding anyone's gaze.

"Sorry, I didn't want to..." Jake frowned as he glanced at Ari who shifted in his seat.

“Ari, are you ok?” Rachel asked him, frowning slightly.

"I'm alive. He isn't. So yeah, I should be ok." Ari replied still not looking at any of his team mates

"What do you mean?" Rachel spoke again, her tone cautious.

"He pushed me out of the way.” Ari spoke slowly “We were ambushed. Most of the team managed to get to a safe place, but Andy and I were stranded. He wouldn’t leave me, because ‘We leave no one behind’ he said. Then there were shots. They were shooting in the dark and a bullet impacted on a rock behind us and ricocheted"

Ari’s voice was steady like he was explaining a story someone had told him hundreds of times. He lifted his head before continuing and everyone could see his eyes watering.

"He pushed me out of the way and took a bullet that was meant for me, straight in the chest." he said looking at Jake.

"Fuck" Jake muttered.

"Fuck indeed" Ari conceded.

Sam and Max looked at each other and sighed. Rachel was unable to take her eyes from the table surface, struggling for something comforting to say and Jake lit a cigarette as he scratched the back of his neck.

There was a moment’s silence before Ari suddenly stood up and strode swiftly away from the chair.

“Ari…” Max also stood, as if to stop him but Sammy gently grabbed his arm.

“Let him go.” Sammy said.

Max took a deep breath and dropped back into his seat.

********

Ari approached Hannah where she was sat on a large rock cluster at the far end of the beach just before it curved round the shore. But before he could open his mouth she spoke.

"I'm fine, Ari. I just needed to be alone" Hannah said startling him.

"How did you..." he asked.

"I can recognize your smell. Ok, erm, that sounded weird. What I mean is I can recognize the smell of the tobacco you smoke. It's different from Sammy's or Jake's." She explained without looking back at him.

Ari chuckled softly and asked for permission to sit her. "May I?"

She turned her head and looked at him, nodding. Her eyes met his for a few seconds before she turned her gaze back to the sea.

“I’m sorry.” he spoke softly, “I really am…”

“Yeah, you keep saying, Ari.” she said with a sigh, “But there’s no need. I don’t blame you, you know.” She turned to look at him.

“I was convinced you did.” he said gently, the pair of them staring out at the sun bouncing off the blue water. “That’s why I never reached out to you. Shitty excuse I know but…”

“Would you?” she asked, turning to face him. “Blame me I mean, if it was the other way round and Sarah had died. Would you blame me?”

“How would I know? She left me.” Ari sighed.

“I know. Sammy told me… But still, you know what the answer would be…” Hannah looked at him. “And yeah, for a long time I was angry.” she conceded “Maybe at you too at first, but mostly at him for having to be the hero…but, that’s what you do isn’t it? When you’re out there and you have a split second to make a decision that you think is going to work out…”

Ari didn’t reply, because she was right. He wouldn’t blame her. Knowing what it was like in the field, as a team it was just what you did. You took risks, you watched each other’s 6. You were prepared to make the sacrifice play. With a sad smile he shook his head, looking down at his hands.

“You’re right. I wouldn’t” he said, looking back up over the ocean. “Guess you can still read me like a damned book Firefly.”

She scoffed “I’ve never been able to read you Ari, I thought I could but…”

Ari took that for what it was, a direct stinging barb about him breaking off their relationship, or fling, whatever the hell you could call it. And he deserved it. He had never given her an explanation.

“Andy was a great guy…” Ari cleared his throat. “I’m glad you found each other and got married. You deserved one another.”

“Just wasn’t meant to be huh?” Hannah sighed. “Ironically he’s been dead now longer than we were together…” She fell silent for a moment before she let out a snort “You know, about 6 months ago I went on a date. Just a guy I know from around…”

Ari felt his heart skip a beat. He had taken for granted Hannah would still be grieving and wouldn't be interested in dating. But then again, what did he know? It was over four years now since he had last held a proper conversation with her. She had obviously tried to move on and she had the right to do so. Only he wasn't sure as to why the thought of her going on a date with someone other than Andy made him sick to his stomach. Nevertheless, he smiled and looked at her “Yeah?”

She nodded “I wasn’t gonna but both Mama and Sammy told me I should, that I needed to get out and meet people…” “They’re right.” Ari said, smiling softly.

“Well I wish I hadn’t bothered.” she looked at him “It was a disaster, nothing in common…and he ate his lasagne with a fucking spoon, who does that?”

Ari laughed loudly at the look of disgust on her face “Maya, and she’s 7.”

“Exactly.” Hannah smiled, “and then to top it all off Andy’s sister saw me. I didn’t realise that until the next morning when his mother turned up at the surgery and unleashed absolute hell, calling me every name under the sun.”

“Seriously?” Ari frowned.

Hannah nodded “Mama nearly slapped her.”

“Han, that’s…that’s not fair.” Ari shook his head “They can’t expect you to live your life alone in mourning.”

“Well they clearly do…”

“Then they’re fucking idiots…” he said fiercely “You’re not even 30 yet. Andy…well, he would want you to live your life, be happy.” “Yeah I know.” she said, before she gave a soft laugh “You know, we used to play that game in bed at night. You know the one, the whole would you move on if I died…question. Andy told me he’d run off with a Bond Girl…so I replied that if Simon Le Bon came knocking I’d be off like a shot…”

Ari gave a snort.

“And then it got serious, and he told me…” she took a dep breath, swallowing as the lump formed in her throat “He told me that if it came to it, my heart was more than big enough to love someone else but still remember him.”

Ari glanced at her and sighed as he saw the tears trickling down her face. Automatically he reached out, his arm wrapping over her shoulders. For a moment she tensed, and Ari thought she was going to push him away but she didn’t. Instead she leaned into him slightly, her head resting on his shoulder.

“I never thought I’d find myself actually having to answer it for real.” she said, her voice broken. “Not so soon after us getting married anyway…”

Ari felt a fresh wave of guilt wash over him. She had said didn’t hold him responsible but still, hearing her broken voice as she spoke of Andy made him feel beyond remorseful because the simple fact remained that he was to blame for tearing her life with Andy apart, no matter how much of an accident the whole situation had been.

Eventually she sat up slightly, his arm still round her as she wiped at her face. “Sorry.”

“What for?”

“This…” she gestured to her face and Ari shook his head.

“Don’t…” he said softly “There’s no need to apologise.” he gave her shoulders a squeeze and then he had a sudden idea. “You know, seeing as it’s the first time we’ve all been together in years we should do something tonight, celebrate him a little.  A few drinks, camp fire…” “Yeah.” she smiled at him. “I’d like that.”

“Well then that’s settled.” he smiled, as his stomach gave a huge growl.

Hannah looked at him, and raised an eyebrow “El Lobo Hambriento huh.”

Ari couldn't help but smile at the use of her old nickname for him. He believed her when she had said she didn't blame him and he took her calling him The Hungry Wolf  for what it was, an olive branch of sorts. The line drawn in the sand. But he also didn’t miss the change of pronoun. She had avoided using My instead switching to The. He was once Mi Lobo Hambriento…but that was another story.

For now, the mere fact she’d called it him in any way was music to his ears. His hopes of being able to rekindle whatever friendship they both may have had once were a damned site higher than they had been. So, he let out a loud laugh and gave a sheepish grin.

“It’s been a long time since you called me that.”

She looked at him and gave him a little smile “Well, somethings never change huh?”

He held her gaze for a second before he gave a little sigh and stood up “Well, not wanting to ruin my reputation, I gotta eat…”

He offered her his hand and she took it and he pulled her to her feet. Dropping his hands back into his pockets he walked alongside her back towards the outdoor area where everyone else was sat eating.

“So I take it that it’s safe to assume, seeing as you never left, that Duran Duran’s lead Singer never showed up on your doorstep?” Ari teased and she laughed, genuinely before she looked at him.

“No.”

“His loss.” Ari said, shrugging and she smiled at him again, a genuine smile that warmed the very depth of his soul.

******

The day of the first mission rolled round, and Ari was like a coiled spring. It was planned as best it could be. They went over the maps, the plan, the route again, and their various roles. It was decided that for this one Hannah would be running with them, whilst Rachel would remain behind at base. Sammy was insisting that his sister ride with him and Ari, which Ari wasn’t bothered by in the slightest. If truth be told he was looking forward to it, but the way Hannah had rolled her eyes and merely called her brother a fucking idiot had made him chuckle.

They were fiddling with the military radios that they’d been installing in the trucks, soldering wires, tuning frequencies, Ari slotting an aerial onto his when Jake called over.

“They're on.”

“Good.” Ari nodded, jumping down from his truck, satisfied both radios were working. “Leaving here in 12 minutes!” he yelled, clapping his hands together.

“All right.” Jake called back.

Ari made his way back into the resort as Rachel dismissed the staff with a thankyou in Arabic

“What did you tell 'em?” Ari asked

“That we were scouting diving spots and that we'd be back in the morning.” she said.

“Good.” he nodded. At that point he heard some kind of vehicle trundling in the distance.

Hannah and Sammy, who were packing their medical kit also heard it. The siblings shared a glance before Sammy stood up and opened the wooden shades of the window of the hut they were in, and they both glanced out to see a bus approaching in the distance over one of the hills. Looking at one another again, they both exited and began walking across the sand. Max, who was stood by the side of the main building looked at them, waving them over before he glanced back at the approaching bus. The three of them joined Ari, Rachel and Jake at the front of the resort, Ari shooting a glance round at his team.

“You expecting someone?” Max asked.

“Roof. Now. Take the spear gun.” Ari instructed him. Max looked at Ari then down to the half-eaten sandwich in his hand. Hannah reached out and took the food off him with a grin as he rolled his eyes and jogged away to get in position.

As the bus drew closer, Ari turned his head to look up at Max who in turn stared down at him, the spear gun poised whilst the bus stopped outside the main entrance. Hannah instantly spotted the Sudan Ministry of Tourism logo on the side. The doors opened and a large man appeared, clipboard in his hand.

“Ah! Not an easy place to find.” he greeted them cheerily in a prominent German accent “You need better signage, for sure.”

Jake looked around, locking eyes with Ari who turned back to the new arrivals, his face passive as the man continued to talk. Rachel stepped forward and started to converse with him in German, Hannah tilting her head slightly to the right as she caught the odd word, enough to make her understand that Rachel was asking him what he was looking for.

The words “Red Sea Diving Resort” came across loud and clear, however, to the rest of the team and Sammy looked down, scoffing slightly, smile on his face as he shook his head.

“It is, but we are still under construction.” Rachel said, switching instantly into her cover role of Angela.

“Well, we're still months away from opening.” Ari added

“We just drove eight hours from Khartoum because of this.” the man said, his tone less friendly as he pulled out one of the diving resort brochures from his pocket “Huh?” Rachel took it from him no one quite sure what to do.

“Come, come. Alles gut. Alles gut.” the man started beckoning the people off the bus as Rachel turned and handed Ari the brochure. “Ja?”

Ari took the brochure and smiled at the man, as Hannah looked up at Max on the roof who was watching, a puzzled expression on his face as the tourists headed off the bus and into the resort.

“Show them out the back…” Ari looked at Rachel and then to Hannah. “Get them a drink, let them take in the view. In the mean-time have the staff set some of the tables out inside, and then meet us in the kitchen.”

They did as they were told, and once the loud excited chattering between guests outside made Hannah assume they were happy, Rachel nodding and laughing with a few of them, the two women headed inside, where the guys were already waiting, Max once more eating. Hannah hopped up onto one of the counters at the far side of the room, her legs gently swinging as she sat. No one said anything for a moment, Rachel standing and watching the movement in the main room through the lattice wall screen.

“Well, you have to send them home.” she said, turning to Ari.

“We can't do that.” he said as he leaned against one of the wall columns, his hand resting inside his open dark denim shirt, fisting slightly in the black T-shirt he had on underneath.

“Yes, we can. We point them in the direction of a real hotel.”  Sammy said, his back resting on the refrigerator.

“Colonel Madibbo sent them here. The last thing we need is to get complaints about this place.” Ari sighed, looking at his watch. “Fuck, we're an hour late.”

He strode forward and glanced into the room, watching as he folded his arms, running his hand over his beard.

“So what do we do?” Hannah asked, watching him.

Ari shook his head, thinking for a moment. There was really only one thing they could do.

“Check 'em in.” he said after a moments pause, his hand held out at the side of his face before he turned to look at everyone “Give ‘em rooms”

“Check them in?” Sam asked in disbelief.

“Yeah.”

“Are you crazy? This is a fake hotel.” Sam shook his head.

“So fake it.” Ari pressed.

Max chuckled from behind him, and Ari turned to look at him before he spun back to face the group as Hannah spoke.

“Ari’s right.” she said gently, and Ari looked at her, surprise evident on his face. “We send them back it’s gonna open a whole can of worms and before we know it our cover is blown.” she shrugged and looked round at the team before her bright blue eyes settled on her brother’s “What else can we do?”

Sam’s mouth fell open and he turned to his sister “You’re out of your mind!” he shook his head “You’ve no idea what-“

“Don’t talk to me like I’m a kid Sammy.” she cut him off, her voice stern.

“Ok, ok, look…” Ari said, breaking up the siblings squabbling “We all knew this could happen at some point, right?” “We did?” Sammy said, sarcastically.

“I didn't.”  Jake shook his head.

“Well…” Hannah shrugged, hopping down from her perch, looking around with a soft smile “Our fake hotel just became a real one.”

[aggresivelyfriendly]

Day 14: The Last Day

Hi guys! Here she is! The last of our quarantine fic as the world is opening up, whether it should or not. It’s short, but felt complete! Huge thanks to everyone who read and reblogged! A huge thanks for @dirtystyles and @emulateharry for the read throughs and cheerleading! I am sure there will be other little odds and ends-

Harry’s POV maybe...

Day 14: The One With The Loss

"Where the f ..." Elise felt frantic, she could not find her bracelet. Her grandmother had given it to her. She didn't care at this point if she had to leave everything else behind, but she couldn't leave that.

She'd been incredibly close to her grandma Rose. On Some hard days, Elsie would have said she was the only one who ever really loved her. When she was dying Elise had gone to the hospital as much as possible to sit with her, at first to play cards, and then to hold her hand, and finally to curl up next to her and cry. When grandma was still able to talk she'd told her to go in her jewelry box, the one that was packed from her room at the assisted living facility and find her opal bracelet.

They shared an October 21st birthday. Grandma Rose said she'd had the bracelet since her sweet sixteen. Elise was a little older than that when she got it, but the bracelet was priceless and irreplaceable at this point. Her random t shirts and even her books could stay, but not her bracelet.

She'd been packing for a couple hours at this point. She wasn't aware she had this much stuff, or that it was so spread out. She'd been pretty unemotional through the whole process, until she couldn't find her bracelet. Elise might have been crying inside before then, but she was really freaking out now.

It was the first time she had cried since the talk with Harry.

"Is that what you're so scared of?" He'd said.

She'd scoffed. That got her back up. "I'm not scared of anything."

"Are you kidding me?" He actually laughed at her. "You're scared of everything!"

"Fuck you Harry! You don't know how I feel."

"Of course I don't. It might actually kill you to talk about your feelings or be honest." His hands were crossed over his chest.

"Honest, feelings? Cuz you are the king of talking about real shit?" Her hands came off her hips and she was pointing. "All we do is play, or fuck. You may actually be a lost boy."

"I'm just trying to read your comfort level, love. That seems to be the depth of life you're willing to deal in. Gotta keep it light for poor Elise, or she will run away. I'm dont even know why I bother." He sighed. "If you liked spending time with me at all, without being entertained all the time, I would not have to lure you out of your room every damn day with some promise of food or comfort or sex. It's so damn hard to know you."

"How dare you!" She seethed. He'd insinuated she was shallow right? That's what that bullshit about depth implied. "I am not shallow. Or a damn child who needs to be bribed. Maybe if I had any idea what I was doing here, or why you were being so nice to me, I'd not be so damn afraid I'd need to hide. I don't know you either, and your intentions are even more obscure."

"What you're doing here? I was just trying to make sure you were ok, or safe. Take care of you. If you were unwell it would be my fault."

"Cmon Harry, we both know you could have got us tests and sent me packing ages ago. What little fantasy are we living out here?"

"Yours!" He shouted.

And the conversation got more intense from there.

"Where could I have?" Elise's cheeks were wet; she was nauseous. This day had already been too much. She'd just got her head in her palms to weep when strong hands came onto her shoulders.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Harry asked into her black hair before kissing it.

"I can't find my grandma's bracelet anywhere. She gave it to me when they told her she was running out of time." She turned a watery frown on him and he placed a kiss on the tip of her nose.

"Ok, well tell me what it looks like and I'll help you."

Elise described the delicate piece and they each set off to look. She was essentially tossing things out of her way adding to the mess. The room had already looked casually like a bomb went off, but she was a mess when she looked for things. She did notice Harry was orderly in his disarray.

"When'd you wear it last?"

"I don't wear it. I'm too afraid I'll break it." She told him, and he chuckled.

"If you say something about patterns or bad habits I will cut you." She mentioned.

He put his hands up in surrender. And they both laughed.

He had a point.

Elise was thinking about how their fight the night before had gone when Harry said. "Is this it?"

"Oh my god." Tears filled her eyes anew and ran down her cheeks. "Thank you! What would I do without you?" It was an honest question. It had only been fourteen days but she honestly couldn't imagine not knowing him, really knowing him, not about him, or speculating about him, or inferring about him, or projecting about him. Knowing him, underneath his clothes, under his skin.

"No need to find out!" He smoothed her hair and then gave her a smooch. "Now, can you grab whatever you need so we can pretend we hate that we have to be locked in a house together for an undefined time."

She giggled. "You don't hate that you are stuck in your house with me for who knows how long?"

"Are you going to let me turn up the heater and stay naked?" He picked up one of the boxes she'd put together.

"Not all of the time."

"Then some of the time?" He curled his tongue and poked it to the side of his mouth.

How was she supposed to say no to that. "Maybe."

"Then hurry." Kiss. "Up." Kiss. " we need to go play strip scrabble."

"Im not playing scrabble with you." She said for the umpteenth time.

"Strip monopoly?"

"No."

"Apples to apples?"

"How the hell.." she just laughed at his hugely dimpled smile. "How about we just go in your hot tub and drink margaritas naked."

"Deal!" He started tossing clothes wildly into bags. It was out of character except for his insatibility. "Hurry up! We have plans!"

"To have sex?" God he was sooo cute. "More sex." She clarified.

"Yea, aren't those very important?" He stepped into her space and planted his hands on her hips and his flag in her heart. He'd leaned in close, but didn't connect their lips.

She gulped and leaned up against his arms keeping her feet planted and away from his tempting lips. "Yes, very important."

"Yeah." He said and kissed her silly.

She'd never done it on that bed. Seemed funny to do it after it had been stripped and with the knowledge it would never happen again.

It could have went another way. Elise kept catching herself in moments and feeling grateful, that once Harry started talking, he really started talking.

The day before, when he shouted the truth about living out her own fantasy, she'd started to walk away. She couldn't handle the truth. It was at least half true, it was a wonderful two weeks of her life, and it looked like now it was over. Elise knew she couldn't handle going back to his place and fighting more, or worse facing silent treatment. Plus, if he had wanted her there, he still hadn't said that today or before. She was about to cross the threshold of the room. Harry muttered something about her walking away.

She stopped and turned. She only had to walk away if she wanted to be done.

"This has been a fantasy, of course it has. Like a dream come true. And I'm really scared. I have no idea why I'm here, not really, or what we are doing, or what..." she sucked in some oxygen. "Or what." She felt tears building in her eyes. "How you feel about me." She expected him to say something, but instead he just stood and stared at her, waiting for her to talk. "And what happens tomorrow."

"What?" It was the first thing he'd said during her rant.

"We' re almost done with friends." She whispered.

He was nodding. "We are. so?"

"You said." She swallowed. "Last week you said we should finish Friends, the you said we only had three more days to finish."

He was nodding. "I guess I did, but Elise, the end of friends, it doesn't mean the end of us. And I'll answer all the questions you have. If you want the answers. But, I'll be honest and say I have no idea how you feel about me, like the real me, too. It's why I held back so long."

"So long? It's only been two weeks."

"Pretty intense two weeks." He wiped her tears. "It felt like forever. I wanted to love you up by day five."

She giggled. "Me too."

"Ugh." He groaned. "All that missed opportunity." But they were both smiling. "New challenge: make up for lost time now."

She was shaking her head at his ridiculous eyebrows. "So, you like me?" She asked.

"At the risk of being really obvious, I like you, like really like you, maybe could be more." He tilted her chin up. "and you like me? Me me?"

Elise nodded then thought she had already been this brave. "More than like, I think."

He beamed. "Honestly Elise, when I first brought you home it was out of guilt and because it didn't initially occur to me to just get tests." He looked down. "I had Jeff do research, and we had to wait a few days, and by then, well, I really liked spending time with you."

"Me too." All these confession made her feel like a feather.

"And nothing happens tomorrow. It's not some scary end date, I'm not kicking you out at check out time." He rubbed his hands up and down her arms. "Honestly? I'd really like it if you stayed with me, for however long this lasts. We've already been exposed to each other.."

"You think?"

"Very exposed to each other." He laughed with her. "And then after, whenever that is. We talk about it. You can keep your place, or save the money."

"I could pay for groceries."

He sighed. "Ok, you can pay for groceries." He quirked a brow and the dimples that bracketed his mouth wanted to break free, they just needed her response. "Does that mean you'll stay?"

"I'll stay." The full wattage of his smile was really like A full moon on a clear night. He bridged the space between them and swooped her into his arms.

"Good, I'd miss you if you were gone."

"I'd miss you if I was gone too." She was honest, hopefully it would become a new habit.

"Then let's not let that happen." He kissed her then, and it was a piece of this tiny instance of forever she'd keep always, if they wound up married fifty years or broke up by pandemic's end.

"Can I tell you something really crazy?"!She asked with her ear pressed to his heart. She felt his body nod on her head. "I'm so glad you sneezed in my face."

"Yeah?" He asked. "I could do it again?" He offered, his body vibrating with his laugh.

"I'm good now thanks. But, I'm still glad it happened."

"Me too baby, me too."

[thiswasinevitableid]

For the Meet Ugly Prompt: #23 Sternclary NSFW if you can :)

23: our mutual friend has been talking us up to the other and when we finally meet, we have to tell them that we’ve been in a feud for the last six years (and I can’t stop thinking of all the nice things our friend has said about you). NSWF

“EeEEH, I’m so excited for you to finally meet him.” Aubrey tugs her uncle down the hall, “he’s practically like another uncle to me, and he’s really such a fucking amazing cook--he made all the stuff tonight--so he’ll go with your whole foodie thing-”

“Critic, firebug, food critic” Stern smiles at her.

“Right, right, and he’s got the hunky lumberjack thing going that you know you love.”

“Geez, you buy one calendar-” he elbows her, chuckling. Then the world screeches to a halt. 

“Mr. Cobb.” He nods, polite as he can manage with rage-horns blaring in his head. 

“Stern.” The bearded man nods back, pushing off of the counter where he’s leaning, glass in hand, talking to Dani.

“Why do I have the bad feeling you two know each other.” Dani looks at her uncle nervously.

“You remember when Amnesty was first getting off the ground and we were struggling to get anyone to take us seriously? This” he points to Stern, no anger or ice in his voice but plenty in his eyes, “is the fucker who gave us the bad review that set us back months.”

“I was doing my job, I’ve told you that a dozen times since then, it was nothing personal. Unlike what you did afterwards.” He replies coolly. 

“Oh for fucks sake, I apologized for that.”

“Yes, two years after the fact, which hardly makes up for arguing with every review I wrote so forcefully that Hayes pulled me from the review circuit for months and made me do cookbook reviews instead.”

“Poor Stern, had to do a slightly different desk job while I was terrified the restaurant would go under.”

“You ended up fine, and if the food at Hornet is any indication, you improved.”

“Lucky me, getting such kind words from the illustrious Joseph Stern.”

“I was trying to-”

“Nevermind. I gotta go check the stuff on the grill.” He reaches the screen door to the back yard, then turns, “and I appreciate the thought, kid, but he’s just not my type.”

---------------------------------------------------------------

The problem is, of course, that Stern is exactly Barclay’s type. Or maybe he’s everyone’s type, all nice suits and handsome face and perfectly slicked down black hair. They’ve run across each other at plenty of food functions in the city over the last six years, and Barclay always feels like a scraggy mountain man standing near him. It doesn’t help that Stern talks about food the way other people talk about fine art, and Barclay could listen to him do it all day. 

He also tells really, really corny jokes when he thinks no one is listening, and Barclay hates his mouth for how many times it’s laughed at them. 

Making amends is the right thing to do, but every time he considered it his whole being--piloted by his ego-- recoils. 

But they’re going to be family soon. And his niece doesn’t deserve to deal with their feud. He picks up his phone, Stern’s number on his desk thanks to Dani’s wedding planning list. 

Me: This is Barclay. If you’re still reading, I think we should meet and talk things over. For real, not in the way we keep fucking up.

Stern: Why?

Me: Because your niece and my niece are getting married and I don’t want us bickering like jerks at the wedding.

Stern:Good point.

Me: Meet me at the Arch? Bar there is good.

Stern: Ok. 8 tomorrow work?

Me: See you then.

---------------------------------------------

Stern fights the urge to shred his napkin as he waits at the bar. Maybe this is a set up, or a trap, or-

“Hey.” Barclay announces himself with a tap on the shoulder. His auburn hair is hanging loose, and the blue shirt he’s chosen brings out the brown of his eyes and the copper in his beard.

Stern should stop staring. 

He picks up the drink menu as Barclay sits down next to him, “Um, the, um, I can buy. Consider it another apology. What do you get?”

Barclay gives him a mild smile, “How about you pick for both of us?”

It’s an olive branch wrapped in a challenge, and so Stern studies the menu carefully. Chooses the Bigfoot, a mixture of bourbon, chocolate bitters, with a splash of cherry soda, for Barclay and and the Roswell (smoked prickly pear juice and tequila) for himself. 

“Good choice.” Barclay smiles at him over the rim of his glass, the first genuine smile he’s ever sent his way, and he straightens proudly at the praise. 

“I remember the drink menu at Hornet was bourbon heavy.”

“Goes with the food, but yeah, it’s my booze of choice.”

“So…” Stern swirls the toothpick in his drink, “how do you suggest we go forward?”

Barclay sighs, “Was kinda hoping you had some ideas.”

“Look, how about we agree that when we’re together for wedding planning stuff, we don’t talk about our history, restaurants or food that isn’t specifically related to the wedding menu?”

“Deal.” Barclay finishes his drink, “what do we talk about instead?”

“Books?” Stern signals the bartender, orders them both another round.

“Works for me. Hmm, lemme guess, you read those big-ass historical ones.”

Stern snickers, “I prefer mysteries, or well done travelogue.”

“You’ve read Bourdain, I’m guessing?”

“Of course. He put me on to a cooking memoir by, by, oh damn it all, he wrote that Madeline series.”

“Bemelmans! Shit, I love his memoirs. They’re my comfort reads along with My Life in France.”

“Classic.” 

Before Stern even knows it, an hour has gone by, they’re three drinks in, and he has a new reading list. He also sees now why Aubrey thought to set him up with the cook; Barclay is easy-going and friendly, even stopping their conversation to exchange hellos with several staff that recognize him, a needed counterpoint to his own professional demeanor. That soft, deep voice slips under his skin, sets his nerves humming, and Stern wants to move closer, let those capable hands do whatever they wished to him if it meant Barclay would keep stealing appreciative glances at him. 

Then he puts his foot in it.

“....food was just a little heavy, like how it is at Amnesty.”

Barclay frowns, “have you even been back there lately?”

“No, I assumed I’d be forcibly shown the door.”

“I would’ve been tempted, but I’m a fucking professional, thank you very much.”

“Besides, it wouldn’t prove your point; I know you’re the exec, but you don’t cook there anymore.”

“Hold the fuck up, it’s my cooking you think was the issue?”

“I didn’t mean that, just that...no, actually, I did mean it. That menu never played to your strengths.”

“That so.” Barclay slams his glass down, the dram undercut when he flashes an apologetic look at the waitstaff before standing in Stern’s space and looming over him, “my house, Tuesday at seven. I’ll show you exactly how good that menu can be in my hands.”

“I look forward to it.”

Barclay leans closer and whispers “bring an appetite” in his ear, voice just shy of a growl. 

Somehow, Stern doesn’t think he’ll have trouble doing so.

------------------------------------------------------

Stern knocks on the door of the modest house. He knows Barclay is now worth quite a bit of money, so the fact he’s chosen an A-frame that looks like it belongs in Tahoe is charming. As was the afternoon they spent with their (clearly relieved) nieces testing out wedding cake ideas. Barclay even laughed at his corny puns and complimented his flavor choice (and how the suit he’s having fitted for the ceremony fit him).

“Come in.” 

He steps into the house, finds the kitchen off to the right, just beyond the dining room. There’s only one place set at the table, and when Barclay comes into view he sees why. The taller man is in his chefs whites, hair tied back, making Stern relieved he’s wearing a suit. 

“Should I…”

“Take a seat, first course is gonna be out shortly.”

“Right, of course--what’s that sound?” Something is whining behind a door down the hall.

“Hmm? Oh, just Sass, he heard someone come in and wants to be the welcoming committee. He’ll chill out in a sec, he has a dog puzzle there to keep him occupied.” Barclay turns back into the kitchen as Stern sits down. Thanks to the pass through, he can watch as he pulls down a plate and sets three parcels of dough on it. 

“You’re getting tasting portions” he sets the plate down, “I’m not blowing through a bunch of ingredients just to prove a point. Smoked salmon pierogies to start.”

Stern takes one bite and knows he’s beaten. The filling is perfectly seasoned, feels like butter in his mouth, and the dough is impeccably made. Maybe it’s a fluke, but all three are gone before Barclay sets the next plate in front of him.

“Bacon, arugula, goat cheese, and blueberry jam on sourdough.” The aroma from the sandwich is intoxicating. 

The first course was not a fluke, and he moans after taking a bite. Barclay chuckles, turning back to the kitchen. 

“So, Aubrey told me something interesting.” Barclay says casually as he slices what looks like lamb, “she said you don’t only write about food.”

“Oh lord.” Embarrassment creeps up his back, so he focus on his meal.

“Weekly World News is almost as good a byline as the Times.”

“Please don’t say more.”

“Bigfoot is my boyfriend’ was especially good.”

“Oh lord, you looked them up?”

“Yep, Aubrey gave me your pen name. I had a blast reading them, you should, uh, let that funny side out more.” The oven shuts and he returns to the table leaning against the counter of the pass through, “gonna be a minute more on the third course. How is it so far?”

“Incredible.”

“Glad to hear it.” Barclay wipes his hands on his apron and Stern has a moment of clarity; the cook is nervous.

“Can I tell you something nobody else knows? I, um, I’m working on a pitch that combines the two. I want to travel to famous paranormal locations and write about local food at the same time.”

“That sounds amazing.” Barclay pulls out a chair, “do you know if anyone’ll take it?”

“I’m trying some magazines and websites first, to see if they’ll pick it up as a series, which’d make it easier to jump to a book later on.”

A timer dings and Barclay stands, returning with a lamb pot pie for one that Stern eats without concern for how conspicuous his sounds of delight are getting. 

Dessert arrives on a small, round plate. Stern tucks into the airy chocolate strawberry cake with raspberry sauce on the side, notice Barclay already washing up. Pity, he was hoping he could stay and talk awhile. There’s only a bite or two left when he decides to admit defeat.

“This is one of the best meals I’ve ever had, Barclay. Whatever you were trying to prove, you proved.”

“Good.” Is all he gets in reply. 

“Barclay, I have to know: I wasn’t the only critic to give a less than stellar review of Amnesty when it opened. We both know that. So...why me? Why act as if I was the one who wronged you.”

Barclay turns, wiping his hands on his apron before hanging it up as he sighs, “yeah, you weren’t the only bad one, but the Times held more weight than any other food section in the city. When you reviewed us we were floundering, and when I saw it I just, I almost gave up; I’d put everything, my heart, my soul, my last dime, into Amnesty. And here was some critic basically dooming us. But once I was done being upset, I got pissed, threw myself into proving the bad reviews wrong and you, uh, you became the avatar for every critic who wrote us off as not being fancy enough to compete in the food scene here.”

“Are, did you make me your  fucking mental punching bag?” Stern stands just as Barclay leaves the kitchen.

“Yeah, and I’m not fucking sorry. That spite was the kick I needed.”

“And it nearly cost me my job, and my reputation!”

“Maybe you should have lost both, given that you helped Hayes shoot down anyone who threatened the old guard.”

“No I fucking didn’t! I fought him time and again to let me review new chefs, feature them, praise them. Lord almighty Barclay, I’m not some soulless fucking machine who just does as I’m told. In fact-” they’re toe to toe, his lower back to the table, as he pulls out his phone and searches, “even in my review, the one you hated, I was defending you, telling people to give you a chance.”

“Like hell you were.” Barclay snorts. 

“I’ll prove it, here” he clears his throat, reads off an excerpt, “Chef Cobb is clearly talented, with a sense of flavor that’s at once exciting and comforting. It is my hope that as Amnesty leaves it’s growing pains behind, we will see incredible offerings from him. There.” He tosses his phone on the table, “see?”

Barclay stutters once, twice, then mutters, “finish your meal, Stern.”

“No, not until you apologize.”

“Jesus christ, just eat the fucking cake!”

“Make me!”

Barclay inhales, long and measured, as he reaches around Stern and picks up the bite of cake. When he holds it to Stern’s lips, he keeps them in a firm line. 

“Open. your fucking. Mouth.”

“Fuck youOghm” he flails backwards, hand landing on his plate as Barclay shoves the cake into his mouth. He’s never had sweetness applied so forcefully, and the part of him that isn’t annoyed is screaming with arousal. 

He swallows, feels something sticky on his fingertips. 

Barclay leers, rumbles, “that’s bet-”

Stern smears his hand across his face, streaking raspberry sauce on his cheeks and mouth. 

Barclay licks his lips, growls, and lunges forward at the same moment Stern grabs his shoulders and pulls. Teeth connect first with his neck, then his lower lip before Barclay shoves their mouths together, moaning when Stern tugs their hips flush. Grinds against him so hard the table digs into his back as they yank ineffectively at each other’s clothes. 

“Tell me, Stern, four courses enough for you?”

“I’m satisfied. Barely.” He bites Barclay’s ear, making him grunt. 

“Barely? Barely? Fine, think I got one more you. On your fucking knees.” Strong hands shove him down by his shoulders, or they try to; he’s already dropping, panting in anticipation as he fumbles with Barclay’s pants. When he finally gets a look at his cock he groans hungrily at the size, lips staying parted as Barclay guides it between them with one hand and yanks his hair with another. 

He’s craving, praying for, and expecting roughness. Even so, he gags when Barclay thrusts as far as he can, toes curling and eyes watering as he bumps the top of his throat again and again.

“Fuck, fuck, there we go” he tugs his hair, wonderful pain prickling his neck and making him moan, “oh fuck yeah, every time I do that you tighten, so good, so fucking good.” He tightens his hold, fucking his mouth harder as Stern brings a hand up to stroke the base of his cock, “nmm, yeah, that’s it, show me what those hands are good for, god, fuck, Joe.” 

Stern whimpers, delighted at how his name sounds in that rough, demanding baritone. 

“Shit, fuck, you want something else to swallow tonight?”

He nods, paws at Barclays thigh. 

“Then you, fuck, you got it, fuckfuck Joe, baby, that’s it ohfuck.” Cum spurts down his throat and he swallows like he’s starving, licks and sucks when Barclay orders him to finish it all. 

As soon as the cook releases him, he drops to his knees on the hardwood next to Stern. Stern, for his part, is wondering if Barclay will at least let him hide in his bathroom a few minutes so he doesn’t have to drive home hard and soaking wet. 

Then his back hits the floor, one calloused hand cupping his face and the other yanking his pants open so messily a button goes flying. 

“I, you, you don’t have to-”

“Do you want me to?” Barclay pauses, meeting his eyes with such genuine, tender concern that he melts like butter in a pan. 

“Lord yes.”

Barclay’s hand slips beneath his boxer-briefs, three fingers sliding into him when he spreads his legs.

“Fuck, fuck, ohlord, Barclay, just a little shallowerAHfuck, yesright, right there.” He cranes his neck and Barclay gets the hint,dipping down to kiss him to the slick sound of his fingers fucking into him. 

Jerking his hips, he can’t find the friction he needs, so he reaches between them and tilts Barclay’s hand so his dick can drag across his palm. His vocabulary has diminished to affirmation laced profanity (or profanity laced affirmatives) and Barclay is faring the same, growling praise in his ear as he gives him more pressure to rut against. 

“Lookit you, god, shoulda known you’d look as good fucking as you do eating. Take me so well, gonna find every way to fill you.”

“Please.” He whispers, eyes squeezing shut in concentration.

“Gonna spread you out on a table and eat you like a fucking gourmet meal, gonna fuck that perfect mouth til your so full of cum you can’t swallow any more.”

“Lord, Bar, Barclay, please don’t stop, don’t tease.”

“Who said anything about teasing?” A tender kiss to the corner of his mouth even as the hand fucks him hard enough to make him cry out, “you’re my new favorite taste, babe, and I got so many fucking plans for you.”

Stern cums so abruptly his leg kicks out and bangs his heel on a table leg, but he doesn’t feel it. His would is the pleasure speeding through him, the repetition of Barclay’s name, the affection that overwhelms him and the fear nipping at it’s heels. 

He comes back to himself on his side, face nestled against Barclay’s chest. 

“Christ, think we both needed that.” The cook sighs, content, and pets his hair. 

“I, um, I certainly no longer feel the need to argue with you over things from six years ago.”

“Me neither. And, uh, I’m sorry for being a dick for so long.”

“And I’m sorry for the spot my review put you in.” 

Barclay laughs, shaking his head, “only took six years and some killer sex to get us there, huh?”

“It is pretty silly, in retrospect.”

“Your foot okay?”

“Uh huh. I, um, I can be out of your hair in a moment.”

Barclay raises an eyebrow, “because you want to be or because you think you should be?”

“The second one.” 

“Don’t gotta leave on my account. In fact, uh, I, uh, I was hoping maybe you’d stay. I want to test out some breakfast ideas on you. Also I like cuddling you and don’t want to stop.”

“A compelling argument. Though we should move to the bed.”

“On it.” Barclay stands, scoops him up with some effort, and carries him precariously to the still-shut bedroom door.

“Damn it.”

“On it.” Stern reaches out and turns the knob, whereupon Barclay barely gets him to the bed without dropping him, as Sass is boinging about their feet.  

“What kind-”

“Rottweiler, corgi, spaniel. I think. Not sure where the huge feet came from.” Barclay cuddles up next to him as he strips off his clothes. As he rolls under the covers, Barclay nuzzles his cheek.

“Would, um, would you like to try having a, um, a different kind of relationship? Like a dating one?”

“I’d love it.” 

Barclay’s smile is pure bliss, and when he kisses him, it’s the best taste in the world 

[sweetness47]

Pinky Promise

Pairing Bucky x reader

This is a late present for @sherrybaby14​ 😊 Happy Birthday Sweetie <3 . There are some flashback moments in italics, part of the background story.

Warnings: some underage smut-ish stuff, smut, some fluff, language, child abandonment, child kidnapping, parental rejection dark moments, etc… MATURE 18+ READERS ONLY!!! DO NOT READ IF ANY OF THIS OFFENDS YOU!!!

Summary: You and Bucky grew up as neighbours, you always watched each other’s backs, always defended the other. Both of you were close with Steve as well. But it was Bucky who was particularly close to you.

Five years old, Kindergarten

A shy YN entered the classroom, clinging to the skirt her mother wore. She didn’t want to stay here, there were too many people. And they all looked super scary.

“Mama, I want to go home!” she pleaded.

“You will be fine sweetie, promise. I’ll come back in a couple of hours to get you, ok? You’ll have lots of fun.”

The teacher, Mrs. Bird, came over. “You must be YN. I’m Mrs. Bird. There’s some dolls over here, I can show them to you if you like.”

The teacher held out her hand, and YN looked at her, then looked more closely at the room. Toys filled all the corners, there were dolls, toy cars, building blocks, coloring books. Slowly, more out of curiosity, she took Mrs. Bird’s hand and together they went over to where other girls were playing with dolls and clothes. YN’s mother took that opportunity to sneak away, thankful for the distraction the teacher had provided.

She knelt down, finding a blonde hair baby to play with. She took some dresses and began trying them on her, then another girl came and snatched the doll away.

“My doll.”

“No! I had it first!” YN yelled back.

“Too bad.” The other girl sneered at YN and pushed her.

“I think that girl had the doll first. Give it back to her.”

Both girls turned to a young boy. “Buzz off kid.” The other girl turned to ignore him.

The boy took the doll, and gave it back to YN. The teacher came over, and pulled the other girl aside to talk about her manners.

YN looked at the boy who had now sat down beside her. “Thank you. I’m YN.”

“My name is James.” The boy said, holding his hand out for her to shake.

She did. “This your first day?” she asked.

James nodded. “You?”

“Yeah.”

He turned to her. “Wanna be best friends?”

“Sure.” She replied.

“Here.” He held out his pinky finger. “Let’s pinky promise. We will always be friends, always help each other, always.”

She connected her pinky with his. “I like that promise.”

Her mind wandered, away from the pain, away from the nightmares. The memory, if that’s what it was, was nice, a good distraction. Where was this? When?

The conditioning resumed. Tears fell from her eyes as her mind took her away again.

16 Years Old, High School

“You gotta be kidding Buck. No way. Uh uh. I am not wearing heels that high. Nope. Not happening.”

“C’mon YN, they will look really good with the gown.” He pleaded.

YN turned to Steve. “Are you gonna let him rag on me like that?”

“Leave it Buck. She doesn’t have to wear the shoes. They are a bit high. You don’t want your prom date to end up on crutches do you?” he said to his friend.

“Fine.” Bucky rolled his eyes. “It was only a suggestion.” He placed a chaste kiss on YN’s forehead. “No one’s going to notice the shoes anyways, they will be too busy staring at the dress.”

Steve laughed and nodded. “True enough.”

“You guys are going to make me blush.” YN chimed in as she did a fancy twirl. The gown she’d picked off the rack was perfect size. The blue satin moved gracefully around her, making her shiver when material brushed against her skin. It was a halter top design, the low V accentuating her breasts. Small beads adorned the waistline, giving the illusion of a belt, and completing the delicate piece of clothing. “This is definitely the one.”

“I have to agree.” Bucky came over to stand beside her. Steve joined as well. “You look stunning.”

She blushed furiously, and went back to the change room. Bucky paid for the dress and made arrangements to get it shipped to her house.

Bucky had been right in suggesting everyone’s eyes would be glued to the dress. YN always dressed plain, not wanting to stand out, yet here she was, the most beautifully dressed tonight. How had she let Bucky talk her into this? Her mind screamed at her to run, seek safety of her home, but her heart was right where she wanted to be, with James “Bucky” Barnes.

Her eyes flitted open, the room was blurry. She watched as people walked around, whispering amongst themselves, all kinds of tubes and needles everywhere. Her body was strapped down, helpless…she didn’t know what or where she was, she wasn’t even sure anymore who she was. The conditioning resumed as one of the fuzzy figures injected something into her IV.

16 years old, Graduation

The party lasted well into the night. James took Steve home, then drove YN back to her place. “I love you Buck.”

The words surprised them both. Yeah, they’d been dating for a while, but neither had actually said the words…till now. Bucky leaned over to kiss her, his lips soft, inviting YN to open hers. He moaned as his tongue found hers, dancing together in the heat. “I love you too, YN.”

The kiss deepened, Bucky reaching to hike up her skirt, while YN worked at undoing his belt and pants. Truthfully, they hadn’t planned to go far, but neither wanted to stop. It felt right. YN lifted her hips as Bucky slid off her underwear, then moved his hands to cup her mound. She was soft, wet with desire for this man. He slipped a finger inside, and she gave a soft cry as her body adjusted to the invasion. Then he moved it, slowly, covering her passionate pleas with bruising kisses.

His hand then left, and he moved her to lay on the seat of the car. “Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked.

Always the gentleman, she thought to herself. “Yes.”

Bucky nodded, and in one swift moment, he was in, thrusting past the barrier of her innocence. Tears stung her eyes, but she smiled up at him. His look of concern was heartwarming, so she gave a nod of assurance that indeed she was ok. He moved then, pulling out then pushing back in. YN experienced her first orgasm, the explosion sending unimaginable pleasure through her.

“Bucky! Oh god…”

He moved faster, spurred by her response, and YN found herself wrapping her legs around his waist. He was all muscle and pure sin. And he was hers. He came shortly after, spilling his seed inside her, collapsing on top of her. Both were panting and sweaty, but neither regretted that night.

“Her conditioning is complete. She is ready for testing.”

“Well done Dr. Let’s see what she can do.”

YN looked at the room she now found herself in. She was no longer strapped down, no tubes attached to her arms, and she was fully clothed. The suit was light, breathable, and allowed her to move with ease.

Two soldiers came in, no guns, but stood ready to strike. YN looked almost bored.

Until they moved to attack her.

It was almost too fast to see with the human eye, the way she grabbed the arm of the first soldier, tearing it from his body, then gouging his eyes out. The second soldier wrapped his arms around her, trying to contain and limit her movement, but she took both hands and grabbed his head from behind. She pulled him over her, and punched a hole in his chest, literally, pulling out his heart and smashing it on the ground.

All that took about 20 seconds.

She stayed there, waiting for instructions. The Doctor and the other man came in to the room. The man looked her over. “Hail Hydra!” he saluted her.

“Hail Hydra!” she replied.

Yes. She was ready.

~~

Steve looked at his friend in wide disbelief. “No way. She was too smart to have ever been captured by Hydra.”

Bucky stared right back. “She wasn’t, originally. She was like me. A victim of circumstance. I wouldn’t lie about this Steve. You know me. You know how I felt about her. You honestly think I would make shit like that up?”

“It’s entirely possible that this YN could have fallen victim to the same circumstances as James.” Natasha interjected.

“Maybe, but if that’s the case, who knows what kind of conditioning she’s been through. And would we even be able to get her back?”

Bucky shrugged his shoulders at Steve. “You got me back Rogers. Don’t you think she deserves that chance too?”

Cap sighed. “True enough. But it’s going to be tough getting past the defenses. Hydra’s pretty well fortified.”

~~

Black Scorpion. That’s what they called her now.

Her old name and old life a distant memory, fading farther as the days went by. She no longer heard the name YN. No longer did anyone treat her with anything but respect and indifference. They were probably scared of her. She was the best weapon they’d ever made. Even better than the Winter Soldier had been. She was flawless.

They had used an improved version of the Super Soldier Serum. Superior to any used before. Her skin was impenetrable now, she had no need of bullet proof garments. Knives were useless as well. She was the perfect killing machine.

It was based on nanite technology, tiny microscopic robots that had integrated with her DNA, bonding with her blood, giving her instant healing and armour.

She’d been part of Hydra’s experiments for decades. YN was given the original Super Serum to preserve her life, then they worked on perfecting it, and her.

The Black Scorpion lived true to the name, the perfect Hydra operative. She never missed a target, never botched a mission, never failed…period.

She’d encountered the Avengers a few times, but her mask shrouded them from making any kind of headway as to her identity. When not working, she remained inside the base, she had no need for food or sleep, so she trained, meditated, and trained more.

Those Hydra soldiers who weren’t scared of her tried to get her into their beds, but were unsuccessful. She had no need of such activities, and she certainly wasn’t going to engage in them with those losers.

There were times where, if she did close her eyes, she would have flashes of what seemed to be dreams, images of a child and others like her, playing together. Visions of going to school, eating at diners, plagued her.

But there was one that haunted her most of all.

It was a boy, well the first images were a young boy, but they were friends, then more than friends, then…well that’s where it usually ended. She could never see anything beyond that. And while she no longer had emotion or knew anything other than what was current, the images continued to appear, eventually even happening while she was awake. It never affected her missions, and no one was ever aware this was happening. She never told a soul.

Her outside façade never showed anything but the calm, cool, collected Black Scorpion. Her mind struggled between the conditioning and the flashes of this boy. She had to find out who he was, and why she was dreaming of him. But she didn’t have any security clearance for the computers that occupied the rooms. So she had little to help her in her quest, but was determined none-the-less.

~~

“You’re absolutely sure this is where she’d be?”

“I’m sure.”

Nat stood by Bucky. “I believe you. Let’s get your friend.”

Steve sighed. “Ok. But, stealth? Please?” He looked specifically at Bucky first, who rolled his eyes, then at Natasha.

“Duh.” Nat stuck her tongue out at Cap, who shook his head.

Bucky scoured the area, counting the guards and gathering intel, including the easiest way in. He found it: a service tunnel that lead to a secluded grove of pines. The electrical building was there. It was a perfect place to sneak inside and get to YN.

But their stealth was no match for a certain Hydra operative who happened to be watching the fields, desperately trying to find a way into the computer systems, hoping it had some intel on her past. The flashes and images were becoming more frequent, and it terrified her, she who had no emotion, who’s humanity had been stripped away by decades of brainwashing.

She didn’t alert any of the other soldiers. There was no need for anyone else. She had taken on these people before, and could easily do so again. Donning her mask, she made her way quickly to the service tunnel she saw them heading toward. Her plan…take them out…permanently.

She hid in the shadows of the first corner, listening for the anticipated footsteps.

Bucky was the first down, followed by Nat and then Cap. The tunnel was dimly lit, but manageable. There were no guards down there, it was just the opposite, an eerie quiet filled the long hallways. Bucky’s senses were on high alert, as were the other two. They moved cautiously down the passage, listening for anything.

Almost too late, Bucky caught a very faint intake of breath from around the corner, just before Black Scorpion came charging at them. The three Avengers scattered, avoiding the long sword flying in their direction.

“There will be no escape this time. You will all fall to Hydra!”

“Not in this century, bitch.” This from Widow, who took out her own baton to combat with.

Her laugh sent chills down their spines. “Your imaginary feats of escape and heroism are small, and will ultimately lead to your demise.” She scoffed. “Why would only three of you come here? Do you have a need to die so quick?”

“We’re looking for a friend of ours.”

Scorpion turned to the famed Soldier. “We don’t have any of Shield’s agents in our cells, though you are welcome to become prisoners.”

“She isn’t a Shield agent. She is a friend. From our childhood. Her name is YN. YFN YLN.”

Scorpion stopped, staring at Captain America. Then her eyes floated over to the man beside him. Dark hair, scruffy, but the eyes…blue as the sky on a clear day. It couldn’t be. The boy from her visions was Hydra’s traitor?

Bucky caught the confusion in Scorpion’s eyes. “Please. If you know where she is, tell us. I love her. I always have, always will.”

Scorpion couldn’t speak. She had to retreat, clear her head. She turned to flee, but Bucky’s swift motions caught her attempt, grabbing her arm and swinging her around. The force of the movement caused her mask to fly off, leaving two speechless Avengers.

The object of the mission was standing right in front of them.

Nat snuck around while Scorpion was preoccupied and gave her enough sedative to knock out a tyrannosaurus. Her stinger was made with a metal alloy not of this world, able to penetrate anything, even Cap’s shield. The perfect weapon that was Black Scorpion slid slowly to the ground, her eyes never leaving the Winter Soldier’s.

~~

 17 Years Old

Her period never came. It was due two weeks ago. She smiled to herself. Bucky would be thrilled when she told him. They were going to have a baby. She knew she was young, but they would make it work. He already had a good job. They could get a small place somewhere, settle down, get married.

The only other thing she had to do was tell her parents. They were good role models, loving, caring. She couldn’t not say anything. This was going to be their grandchild. They would surely be happy, right?

“Mom? Dad? Can we talk?” she approached them after dinner.

“Sure honey. What’s wrong?” her mother coaxed, motioning for YN to sit on the sofa beside her.

YN bit her lip and looked down at her lap for a moment. “I’m pregnant.”

There, she’d said it. Now all she had to do was wait for the shouts of joy, the hugs.

But they never came.

Instead, her father stood from his chair. “What?”

Her mother looked horrified. “You’re pregnant? Who…?” she stopped. “It’s that boy, James something. Isn’t it? What did he do? Did he force you? Is that what happened?”

YN shook her head. “No. Nothing like that! James and I love each other. He’s going to marry me, and we’re going to be a family.”

The hard slap echoed through the room, tears stinging the reddening cheek on YN’s face. “You slut! How could you shame us like that? Your parents! We loved you, cared for you, and this is how you repay us? You ungrateful little girl. Go to your room, NOW!”

YN ran up the stairs to her room, slamming the door and flinging herself onto her bed. Never, in her 17 years, had her mom and dad ever hit her. That hurt almost as much as the actual slap. Possibly more. Why wouldn’t they be happy? It wasn’t like James was going to abandon her. They had to know that, right?

She cried herself to sleep. When she finally woke, she was greeted with a splitting headache, and the realization that she wasn’t at her home. In fact, she was pretty sure she wasn’t in the same city. Where was she? How did she get here?

She wandered around, the dark alley producing frightening shadows, hints of danger lurked everywhere. She walked to and fro, up and down the streets of the foreign town, hoping this was just some bad nightmare. But no luck. After hours of aimless searching, the pregnant teen sat on a nearby park bench, shivering, crying uncontrollably, praying for a miracle.

~~

Her eyes flew open, immediately tensing as she glanced around the white room. She was in some kind of hospital room, or infirmary. Same thing. But what, why…Her mind reeled over what she could remember, which wasn’t much at first. Scared and confused, she hopped off the bed, only to be met with one kickback of a dizzy spell. She collapsed, shaking, as her weak limbs struggled to get up off the cold cement. The nanites that were inside her had gone dormant, sleeping while she slept. They would get her back up in a few minutes, but that wasn’t the biggest concern.

Numerous flashes of different scenarios crossed her mind: murder, fighting, killing people…then children playing, laughing…

The boy with the blue eyes.

She was unaware that someone had entered the room. Strong arms lifted her off the floor, gently placing her back into the comfort of the bed. Those same blue eyes met hers, concern etched across his beautiful face.

“You ok?” his voice was just as sinful as the rest of him. She nodded. “What do you remember?”

She shook her head. “I…I’m not really sure. There’s so many chopped up images in my head right now, it might as well be an entire theatre of movies times 50.”

He chuckled. “Do you remember your name?”

“Bla…” she paused, “No, it…it’s YN.” Her eyes widened. “Buck?”

Bucky let out a huge sigh of relief. “Yeah doll, it’s me.”

YN began to frown, which was quickly replaced with tears of remorse. “Oh god…Buck, I’m so sorry. I…”

He gathered her into his strong embrace. “Shhh, don’t apologize. It wasn’t you YN. It was Hydra.”

She held up her hand. “No, Bucky, please let me finish.” He stopped, facing her. “I never wanted to leave you. I wasn’t given a choice.”

He leaned back. “What are you talking about? You wrote me a letter saying you were going to college. You wanted to remain just friends. I stopped hearing from you, eventually, and I joined the army.”

She shook her head. “No, I didn’t go away to college Buck. My parents sent me away.”

His features darkened. “Why?”

“Because I was pregnant. We were going to have a baby.”

His jaw dropped. His voice barely a whisper, “What?”

“They were so mad, telling me I had shamed them. I went to my room and cried myself to sleep. When I woke, I was in a strange town, no other clothes than what I wore, no money, no note, no goodbye. Nothing. They abandoned me.”

The metal hand curled into a fist. “Those bastards. Why didn’t you contact me?”

“I couldn’t. I had no way to do anything like that. I was almost starved to death when this couple came by and saw me alone on the park bench. I hadn’t eaten or drank anything for 2 days at that point. They offered me a place to stay, and I accepted. That was my first encounter with Hydra.”

“It was too good an offer to pass up at the time. I was scared, pregnant and alone…and I was hungry. I didn’t know much about them beyond what they told me. I told them about the baby, and they appeared even more concerned. So they took me in and gave me a new home. They helped me go shopping for clothes for the child, a cradle, everything I would need. They seemed to live a simple life, no phones or anything. They bought whatever I needed or wanted, so I never had any need for an allowance or a job.”

“When the baby started to come, the couple rushed me to a special ‘hospital’ where I could have ‘the best care’ possible. We had a son Buck. But then everything went downhill. I wasn’t even given a chance to hold him. He was taken from the room and I never saw him again. That’s when they started experimenting on me. They gave me the Super Soldier serum to keep me from aging while they worked to perfect it. They did outside trials too, hence Captain America and you, but it was my body they used as their test subject. While I was under, they had subliminal messages playing, conditioning to make me forget who I was. This went on for decades.”

Bucky listened in horror, his stomach threatening to heave his recent meal. He couldn’t believe those assholes had done this to her. To his YN. “God, YN. I never knew.”

“I know. I don’t blame you. I would have contacted you if I knew how, or had the tools to do so.” She bit her lip. “But our son is out there now. They are probably raising him, training him right from birth that Hydra is his life. We have to find him.”

He put a hand on her shoulder. “We will. Promise. But right now, you need to rest.” He kissed her forehead. “I love you.”

She smiled. “Pinky promise?”

“Always.”