#the artist was super chill & said to come back after it's healed so he can add another layer of white to the sticker border to make it pop

[demon-of-the-ancient-world]

Hughhhghhhh ok fine the intrusive thoughts win, I'm just gonna do it. Athelstan headcanons but just the ones that are angst/whump based because some feral part of me needs to Harm Him:

His hands and feet still hurt terribly at times, even years after the wounds there have healed. Cold and damp weather makes it worse.

Sometimes it gets bad enough that he can't hold a pen (or an axe, for that matter) properly, and it becomes hard to walk

But he keeps it to himself, shutting himself away from others if necessary

Tries his best not to look at the scars because if he does even for a short time he starts Remembering Things

He draws to alleviate the stress on his mind, and his drawings - the secret ones he doesn't show to anybody - get quite disturbing

(Ragnar never tells him this, but he does find them one day. And it breaks his heart.)

Ok apparently a common theory about the "sky dragons" that were seen before the Vikings' attack on Lindisfarne was that they were actually northern lights and that made me think ; any time he sees northern lights now, in a climate where they're more common, he has bad dreams. Without fail. He's tried to get over it, and his artist's brain tries to see the beauty in them, but it doesn't help.

Ragnar (and Gyda while they lived on the farm) try to show them to him on winter nights, thinking he'll love it, and he doesn't have the heart to tell them they Freak Him Out

Allergic to bee stings. He finds out when he's watching over the kids one day and Bjorn thinks it would be fun to disturb a wasp nest. He makes a valiant effort to shoo him and Gyda back to the house...and in turn ends up with a very swollen face

A Lot of nightmares. First about the attack at the monastery and later about the crucifixion

And about his family dying. He always *thinks* he's forgotten about that, or that it doesn't affect him anymore, but it always comes back to him and he realizes he was Wrong

(And the fact that he wasn't actually there when it happened almost makes it worse, because it leaves him to just imagine what happened. And he has a very good imagination.)

When he gets one bad enough, he knows he won't be able to sleep at all afterwards, and spends the rest of the night writing, or sketching, or just pacing around. Walking outside helps, but he can only do that when it's not too cold

Gets headaches easily. I headcanon that he's a little nearsighted and doesn't even realize he's straining his eyes (and spending years squinting at tiny print didn't do him any favours)

It's sorta canon that he's somewhat prone to hallucinations, and I like to think it's a thing that happens sometimes when his brain is very very overwhelmed - but he probably keeps it to himself and has it in his head that they're either visions trying to "teach" him something but he can't figure out what, or that there's something Horribly Wrong With Him and he lives in fear of what that might be

Usually it's just weird blobs out of the corner of his eye that won't go away (like migraine aura type stuff) but after the incidents of season 2 he's always on edge of what else he might see

While his wounds were healing in Wessex he spends days slipping in and out of consciousness, not sure if he's dead or alive, with friends or enemies

And he calls out for Ragnar more than once - Ecbert never tells him about this, but definitely keeps it in mind

Dreams about hell, and later Ragnarok. A lot.

Like I've said before he doesn't get sick very often, but when he does it hits him like a truck

It's not uncommon for him to get super high fevers when he's sick, which doesn't help with the already present nightmares At All

Or the potential hallucinations

Had asthma as a little kid and cold weather still irritates his lungs sometimes, prone to chest infections

Hates being seen in any vulnerable state Whatsoever because he's Always Just Chill Always Everything's Fine

But is actually so clingy to a surprising degree once it's out there that he Needs Help & someone's there to help him & he gets to collapse, whoever that person is they are Staying Now

Gets panic attacks after being crucified. Can't stand the sound of things being nailed together (@adhdnightmare This One) it sets his teeth on edge and he wants to run away and hide - he doesn't put two and two together at first until he does and is like oh

Doesn't like to be touched when going through one of these episodes, Ragnar knows he gets them and has learned how to talk him through it without touching him (even though all his instincts are telling him to wrap that lil guy up in the biggest bear hug)

For a short time he can't even look at his own cross necklace without breaking out in a cold sweat, and of course THAT stresses him out big time because what if it's The Devil talking??? What if he's Bad Now??? His religion-based stress is never ending.

Occasionally this anxiety comes back even years down the line, and each time he's like. ah ok this is gonna be a Bad Mental Health Day isn't it.

There's gotta be more somewhere but hm that's all for tonight

@grantairescurls @procrastinatingsoicanreadfanfics @levithestripper @starrose17 hi guys it's Me Again

[rubenesque-as-fuck]

My very own banana sticker 😍

[lost-in-yujikiri]

My version of SAO "Everyone Lives" AU

I need to get out my ideas of what would happen if most of SAO's Major Character Deaths got averted before Lycoris is released (except the villains and Sachi & the Moonlit Black Cat guild's death, there is just no way to erase it without undoing Kirito's development in Aincrad). I know SAO Gameverse/ Lycoris wouldn't follow any of my ideas, so I just want to share my view. Who knows, maybe this will become a huge fanfic some day.

Note: This post is full of multishipping/ non-canon shipping pandering headcanons/implications (the biggest ones are Eugeo/Kirito/Asuna & Bercouli/Fanatio/Dakira), as well as obvious heavy Alicization WoU and Moon Cradle spoilers, please beware. I also lightly included some game-only Alicization characters (Eydis and Medina) because I like them.

1) Cardinal is alive and she has high authority enough to install kid Alice Zuberg into a free Cube to make her a living entity separate from Alice S30

In most recent live Q&A Reki said that while writing Alicization the first scene he wrote is the scene of Kirito and Alice S30 climbing back into Cathedral and Kirito convinced Alice S30 to his side, he mentioned Alice's Synthesis is an irreversible one and it aligns with my reasoning of how Zuberg & S30 are different Fluctlights so I'll keep the same settings in here. So how would this affect everyone's treatment to the 2 Alices?

- Kirito would be glad that he doesn't have to "kill" any Alice just to keep one;

- Selka would be extremely confused, but I think she would eventually accept happily that she has 2 sisters now;

- Eugeo... would have even more complicated emotions than anyone, even more than he imagined. From my own experience, during university period, I went to a class reunion full of friends from middle school, and I reunited with a classmate friend whom I used to like a lot as a person. But for some reason I couldn't like his adult self as much as his middle school self even if he still isn't a bad person. To me he changed way too much in how he behaves and how he presents himself that I can't like his adult self like his middle school self, and I was shocked that puberty could change a person that much. Same to myself, I have changed a lot in my puberty too, and he also said I'm not the same as before any more. Back to my AU, I feel like Eugeo and Zuberg might mirror what I felt when I reunited with my classmate. Eugeo used to describe Alice Zuberg like the sun on the blue sky and that image of her is his source of happiness whenever he's sad, while Alice S30 is so unapproachable and cold like ice. Eugeo being indifferent to S30 is one thing, but to Zuberg it's like reuniting with a friend in elementary school who stayed the same and both would be shocked as Eugeo's the one who changed so much due to puberty. In ARS game Zuberg even said that while being jailed in Cathedral's ceiling, Eugeo (and everyone else) grew so big while she stayed the same and she's upset.

So I think in the end Eugeo would still end up letting Zuberg go instead of forcing her into the fantasy he held up for so long. Interestingly Eugeo himself already muled over this in LN when he was reading books in Cardinal's library, that the best outcome they could hope for is to give Zuberg back to her body and send her back to her family happily while he continued his adventure with Kirito because they're being chased away by the Church.

2) (Super self-indulgent) Bercouli/Fanatio/Dakira

Dakira: "Fanatio-sama is so amazing and dazzling and I love her, but she has Commander Bercouli so I can only be her subordinate and admire her in silence..."

Fanatio: "Dakira is so hardworking and loyal, she has so much potential I love having her with me but then what would Commander think..."

Bercouli: "Don't worry I'm cool with it, take care of our Sub-Commander, Dakira. And it's not like I can stop my knights from flexing their gayness..." *eyeing Eydis Synthesis 10

Super spoilers: Even if Bercouli didn't die in the War I think he would eventually unfreeze his age and find an ending for himself when he thinks he's lived too long and done enough for the Knights many years later. He would entrust Fanatio and her son with him to Dakira before he passed away, and Dakira would become Berche's 2nd mother (instead of Fanatio taking care of the kid alone in canon).

3) (Super self-indulgent) Eydis S10 x Alice S30 and Medina x Sortiliena

I could never imagine I would like any gameverse girls before but ARS and Lycoris manga have sold me Eydis x Alice S30 and Medina x Sortiliena OMG so I ship them hard in my AU.

4) Super self-indulgent Eugeo/Kirito/Asuna

(You guys who have stayed with me for years should have known already ara ara)

I don't feel it would not be that different from this excerpt from HR manga (seriously this artist really vibes with me I wanna have a drink with him sometimes).

Everyone: "Don't you think they're just too close? Aren't you afraid Asuna?"

Asuna: "Yeah I should, should I? But like Kirito seems so happy with him around like no others could and I feel he's a good boy so I can let them be"

We also should have more Eugeo & Asuna's interactions of chewing on Kirito's bad habits XD. I also feel like they can find solace in each other being fellow victims of sexual exploits from adults, in some aspects that Kirito can't fully understand that only fellow victims can.

4) Yuuki is alive and comes into UW as Goddess Lunaria

Poor Moon Goddess Lunaria, she's the 4th God of the Human Empire but even Reki forgot her in WoU and only mentioned her more in Moon Cradle. Anime and games also made it worse for leaving her out completely :(. So I want her to get her role in my AU as the Goddess of Dreams. Yuuki extremely fits her role, not to mention she cosplayed the Moon Princess in MD before. More Stacia Asuna x Lunaria Yuuki interactions are here of course.

5) Eugeo and Lunaria Yuuki participate in WoU with everyone

- Lunaria would be an amazing fighter of course. I feel she would be even more deadly than normal now that she has to start fighting with human souls on the line, whether they're real or artificial.

- Eugeo would be a huge AoE Life Absorber and Healer and also becomes destructive sometimes borderline death. But fighting with others will help him start seeing his own values and gain his own will to survive for others. And he'll become the first proper Knight in UW without going through Synthesis.

6) WoU changes and outcome in my AU (huge spoilers)

- Kirito got unconscious and damaged for a while, but without self-destructing his own Fluctlight from guilt of Eugeo's and other comrades' deaths because Eugeo is still alive and took care of him, so he eventually healed, at least quicker than canon;

- Asuna, Sinon and Leafa came to UW at once to help heal Kirito. There is no facepalming Asuna vs Alice fights since Alice didn't develop some level of Florence Nightingale effect towards Kirito (according to Wikipedia: "The Florence Nightingale effect is a trope where a caregiver falls in love with their patient, even if very little communication or contact takes place outside of basic care. Feelings may fade once the patient is no longer in need of care.");

- Sinon won against Subtilizer instead of the anti-climatic outcome in canon;

- Kirito & Eugeo fought together to win against PoH while Asuna and other girls kicked ass to huge armies;

- When they won the War the acceleration ratio of UW was changed to 1:1, Human Empire and Dark Territory made peace with more trading, labor & technology exchange treaties that benefit both. Alice S30 & Eugeo came to real world through Ichiemon & Niemon robots and chilled in ALO while Kirito beat up Kikuoka for hiding from him the actual purpose of Alicization project, and thus Kirito forced him not to use his friends as war soldiers.

- Alice S30 chose to go back to UW in the end since she finds her most values as being a Knight, coming to events of farce in real world is not her thing, and she wants to spend time with her Zuberg family. Meanwhile Eugeo already parted with his family after dumping on them a big bag of his Knight's salary money, saying that they can live prosperously without him working his ass off for them now, and he never comes back. He still comes and goes from real world to UW to do duties as a Knight who helps connecting real world & virtual reality, and sometimes visits the Zubergs with Kirito & Asuna. In real world he lives as an all-purpose robot in Kirigaya resident, while ALO he lives in the log house and takes care of Yui whenever Kirito & Asuna are busy in real world.

THE END.

[jaxl-road]

The League of Extraordinary Rockstars, ch.2

Summary: LA is a hub for music and mutants, making it the perfect place for Motley Crue, Guns N’ Roses, and countless other mutant musicians to call home. But it’s not all easy, especially when it comes to finding a decent place to live. So what better solution than moving in together in the mansion of an immortal? Love, drama, and super powers. If nothing else, it’ll be interesting.

Chapter Warnings: Language, genderswap!Steven

AN: This is a collaboration between myself and @the–blackdahlia​! It combines elements from her fic “It’s So Easy (And Other Lies)” (specifically her genderswapped!Steven) and my super powered GnR series. It is completely AU and ignores timelines like Woah, but hopefully you’ll have as much fun reading it as we’re having writing it! Let us know what you think!

~~~~~

It had been a couple weeks since Duff moved in with Slash and Stevie and in that time, he had sat on Slash probably a dozen times.

Stevie had mentioned before how most of the time Slash would camouflage in his sleep, but it was still hard to get used to. He would come home after a double shift and go to collapse on the couch only to land on a very disgruntled guitar player.

“Goddammit, can’t you fucking check before throwing yourself on the couch?”

“Can’t you go to sleep in your fucking room?!” Duff snapped back.

Slash wanted to rip his hair out. He had to grind his teeth together to keep from screaming about the number of times he’s had to deal with a drunken Stevie stumbling into his room to bawl about how she had too much love and too many crushes and they didn’t like her back and she was going to die alone. And because he was a fucking good friend, he would pet her head and try to soothe her until she finally fell asleep and he was stuck with a snoring glowstick lighting up his room.

So yes, he had been sleeping on the couch. But because, and he could not stress this enough, he was a good fucking friend, he couldn’t explain to Duff exactly why.

Living together was turning out to be a hell or an adjustment for the three rockers. Duff had shaken up their routine, giving them an extra person to get drunk with, which made Stevie’s already frazzled emotions even more haywire, not to mention the household hangovers they were suffering through each morning. It was easy with Tracii. He stayed out all night and slept all day, and honestly, Slash and Stevie had kinda felt sorry for him. But Duff was something different, and after one too many mornings of being awoken by Duff and Slash arguing, Stevie exploded.

“Enough!” She yelled at them. “I am going to stay the night someplace else so I can get some fucking sleep before work!”

That was three days ago, and this was the first night Duff and Slash had seen their roommate since she stormed out. Walking into the apartment, Stevie was pleased to see that the two boys looked properly chastised. Granted, their arguing hadn’t improved much during her three day exile, but Slash and Duff figured she didn’t need to know that.

"Hi boys," she smiled. "It’s a beautiful day. Aside from the freak thunderstorm yesterday," She flopped on the couch.

"Thought you moved out," Slash grumbled.

"Nonsense. I just stayed the night at Kelly's."

“Oh thank GOD,” the guitarist practically threw himself across Stevie’s lap, “I thought you were leaving forever!”

Duff shuffled over sitting next to her and looking very much like a kicked puppy, “You were gone for so long we didn’t think you were coming back and we missed you so much-”

“Holy shit you guys,” Stevie shook her head fondly, patting Slash’s head, “I was gone for three days! I just needed a long weekend away from your bickering-”

“He started it!” Two voices snapped simultaneously.

Eyebrow twitching in thinly veiled annoyance, Stevie grit her teeth and continued, “Whatever, my point is I need your arguments to at least be rescheduled to later in the day, alright?”

There was some minor grumbling.

"If you don't, Kelly's looking for a roommate. Or a fuck buddy that gets a free room." She smirked. She knew that would get them to chill out. "Now, I'm hungry. And I'm going to see a show tonight. You guys gonna join me?"

“Of course, but I gotta go to work,” Duff told her. “I’ll see you guys this evening.” He headed to his room to pull on his uniform, something nagging him in the back of his mind. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, he tried to focus on making it through another shift at a job he hated.

The three roommates went to their various shitty jobs, each feeling impatient for the day when their music would finally pay the bills and they would have to deal with huffy customers telling them to cut their hair. Needless to say, by the time they reached the Whiskey for the show they were ready to let loose and have some fun. Tonight Motley Crue had managed to snag a headlining slot, Duff, Slash, and Stevie toasting their friends’ success and lamenting their own band’s slow growth in equal measure.

“We’re gonna make it, guys!” Stevie exclaimed, people around her moving away or shielding their eyes as she glowed with enthusiasm. She waved her empty glass excitedly, slurring slightly, “I mean, I mean the crowds have been getting wild for us! And the stuff we’ve recorded is fucking badass! It’s only a matter of time before we start bringing in the big bucks!”

“God, I hope so,” Slash sighed, “this starving artist shit is getting old.”

"Guess you could catch and eat a snake," someone said. Stevie turned and smiled.

"Kelly!" She gave him a hug.

"Hey glowstick," Kelly laughed. "You look rested."

"I am. Thank you." She kissed his cheek.

Duff smiled tensely as he gave Kelly a high five, “Hey man.”

Slash rolled his eyes as Kelly shot him a knowing look, grinning, “Sup guys. Word on the street is you’re having some domestic troubles,” he elbowed Stevie playfully, “This gal was lighting up the place when she first came over.”

“Yeah,” Duff grimaced as he admitted, “It’s taking some getting used to.”

“I can imagine,” Kelly raised an eyebrow. The first night Stevie had arrived on his doorstep he’d had to wear sunglasses as she ranted and raved and lamented about the whole situation, “I mean, you’ve all got annoying ass powers-” he ignored the three offended outcries, “-and you live in a shoebox. Of course you’re stepping on each others’ toes.”

"At least we don't have axl…" slash pointed out.

"Don't have me for what?" Axl said as he approached the group, Baz's arm around his shoulder.

"In our shoebox home," Stevie told him.

“Excuse you, I am a goddamn delight and any house would be lucky to have me!” the singer huffed.

“You tell ‘em, babe,” Baz grinned.

"When you yell, you'd blow down a wall…" Slash commented.

“Fuck you, my control is impeccable!” Axl growled and Kelly raised his hands before a fight could break out.

"Let's get some drinks," he told them. "I'm buying."

"My hero," Stevie laughed. Kelly had an arm around her waist. Izzy was sitting at a booth, which Kelly spotted and brought everyone over to him.

Raising his head, Izzy nodded in greeting, “Hey guys, here to see the Crue?” he gestured at the stage where Nikki was, as usual, on fire.

Laughing, Stevie slid into the booth next to him, “Yup! What are you doing over here all by your lonesome?”

“Brooding,” Axl, Baz, and Slash all answered simultaneously.

Glaring, Izzy huffed, “I was enjoying some peace for once in my life, fuck you very much.”

"Maybe later," Stevie giggles, making Izzy's cheeks burn bright red.

"Their act is lame," Axl rolled his eyes. "Fire again? Really?"

“I mean, you gotta respect their commitment to the brand,” Slash shrugged.

The group downed their drinks, bickering and joking and occasionally remembering to cheer for the Crue. Before they knew it, the set was finishing up, Stevie shining extra bright as they applauded the band as they left the stage.

Izzy glanced between Stevie and Duff with forced nonchalance, “So, how’s the living situation going?”

Shrugging, Stevie answered, “Getting better I guess. Duff’s still not used to Slash camouflaging with the couch,” she snickered.

Duff threw his arms in the air in exasperation, “Gee, I’m sorry I’m used to living in places where you don’t have to pat down every surface in case there’s a hidden guitarist there!”

“Apology accepted,” Slash grinned, the bassist shoving him as he laughed.

“Ugh, I just can’t wait until we can have some more space,” Stevie groaned, “I love you guys, but fuck man, some elbow room would be nice.”

Izzy, Axl, and Baz, nodded their heads sympathetically, their own living situations only marginally better than the trio’s. Meanwhile, Kelly hummed in consideration.

“You could always stay at my place for awhile if you want,” he shrugged.

Stevie giggled, slapping a hand over her mouth when she saw the group squint from her light, “Kelly,” she patted his shoulder, “that’s sweet of you dude, but you live in a shitty studio apartment in the slums. Just having me over was a stretch.”

“No, no,” Kelly shook his head, “I meant my other place.”

Silence stretched as six pairs of eyes stared at Kelly in confusion.

“....What?” Slash finally broke the silence.

“You know, my other place,” Kelly said casually, “the one on Mulholland?” When the stares continued, he furrowed his brows, “Have I never mentioned it before?”

“No,” Duff answered emphatically, “No you have not. What the Fuck?”

“Huh.” It was maybe a little annoying sometimes, but it wasn’t Kelly’s fault he couldn’t remember who he’d told what to. After all, the bassist was more or less immortal, his mutant healing factor fucking with his aging until he found himself stuck as a twenty-something for God only knew how long. So if his memory was a little sketchy, well, who could blame him?

The drugs and alcohol probably didn’t help either. But that was besides the point.

“Well, yeah. I have another place. It’s a house, got like, eleven bedrooms if I’m remembering correctly? It’s also got-”

“Woah, woah, woah, dude,” Baz waved his hands, “Hold up. Did you just say eleven bedrooms?”

“Give or take,” he shrugged.

“So…. it’s a mansion,” Axl stated, voice unnervingly blank, “You have a mansion.”

“I guess, yeah…”

As Axl sucked in a long, deep breath, Kelly realized that he had made a huge mistake.

“WHAT?!” It was honestly impressive how Axl managed to shriek at ear splitting levels without any of his mutant ability coming through. Still, even his human-level screeching had the group flinching.

The singer slammed his hands on the table, glasses shaking as he glared at Kelly in shock and fury, “You’re telling me that we’ve all be living on top of each other in fucking sqalor and this whole time you’ve had a goddamn mansion?”

“Who has a mansion?”

Kelly would give anything for Sebastian’s ability to teleport right now. Because when he turned around, he found the members of Motley Crue staring at him hungrily, and he suddenly felt like he was surrounded by hyenas.

He probably should have waited until it was just him and Stevie before mentioning the house.

"Uh, hi guys," Kelly laughed. "What brings you here?"

"You have a mansion and didn't tell us?" Tommy pouted. "I thought you loved us."

"Dude the 60s fucked my brain. I can't remember shit," Kelly laughed.

"Which 60s?" Vince smirked.

"Yes." Kelly nodded, dodging the question. "So, I'm just gonna go…"

He was half standing when Duff’s unfairly long arm shot out from across the table, palm landing solidly against the back of the booth to box Kelly in.

“Oh I think the fuck not,” he stated firmly, a quick rumble of thunder sounding through the dirty window behind him. The dramatic motherfucker.

“Yeah, you’re not getting away that easily,” Tommy laughed as he and his bandmates dragged some chairs over to sit around the booth, adding another layer of defense to keep Kelly trapped, “Come on man, I wanna know more! Like, dude, if you’ve got a legit place, why aren’t you living there?”

Sighing in resignation, Kelly settled back in his seat and shrugged, “I dunno, I just like being closer to the action I guess,” he smirked, “It gets annoying having to drive twenty minutes just to get some pussy.”

“What, none of your fancy ass neighbors cut it?” Vince teased.

“I mean, there was one dude I used to hook up with, but that was in the… 30s I think? I dunno, all I know is he, like most of my neighbors, aren’t exactly at an age that can… keep up with me,” he winked mischievously as the group snickered.

Slash shook his head, “Dude, I get that, but personally I give fuck all about the age demographic, you’ve actually got a decent fucking roof, man!”

“I mean there’s the commute into the Strip, too, y’know?” Kelly argued.

“Oh no, how will I survive the commute?” Baz whined sarcastically, sticking his tongue out when Kelly flipped the teleporter off.

"It needs a lot of work," Kelly added. "Like weeds and shit and…"

"Dude, we have a gardener," Nikki motioned to Vince.

"And spiders?" Kelly pointed out.

"I'll feed them to my snake...that I most definitely do not have…" Slash's eyes darted to Stevie quickly before glancing away again.

"Can we at least see it?" Stevie asked. "You know how much I love decorating."

"Please no kiss posters in the living room," Mick groaned.

“Why do you hate art?” Stevie pouted jokingly.

Meanwhile, Kelly sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “I’m not getting out of this one am I?”

A chorus of “no”s answered him.

Rolling his eyes, Kelly threw his hands up in defeat, “Fine, I guess I can show you around sometime this week. What’s the worst that could happen?”

At that moment, loud, ominous cracks of thunder and lightning rattled the windows behind them. The group snapped to look at Duff in exasperation. The blonde bassist merely shrugged.

“What? Am I wrong?”

[alltimelowgoodtimes]

Me Listening to Wake Up Sunshine While Drinking Vodka Lemonade (Sorry if this is super long):

Some Kind of a Disaster: nice, bop, nice way to start the album

Fave lyric: You gotta hurt sometimes to learn to heal. You gotta get back up and learn to deal.

Sleeping In: Honestly this song makes me want to get up and just dance around my room. It’s so upbeat and I love everything about it. The lyrics, the melody, the vocals. Just yes

Fave Lyric: Honestly the whole thing but really “If I said I want your body would you hold it against me? 7 In the morning wanna listen to Britney.”

Getaway Green: This song reminds me of early 2000′s teen movies. It’s like a song you would hear during a montage. Nice melody.

Fave Lyric: Do you wanna know how the story ends? Hazy and spun out just more than friends.

Melancholy Kaleidoscope: Okay so this was the song I was most excited to hear but after hearing it I’m kinda eh. But really I think the beginning is okayish and afterwards the song picks up. By the time it gets to the bridge I’m ready to give 100 instead of 95.

Fave Lyric: Staring at the ceiling choking back my feelings. Can’t be 100 if you’re only giving 95. (relatable af at the moment).

Trouble Is: So far this one is my fave just cause THIS IS ME RN. That first verse and chorus. I felt that. Oh and that one little mini scremo part during the second chorus...yes.

Fave Lyric: Even when I try there’s a little part that gets through, hide away the feeling. Never was enough, doesn’t matter what I do. 

Wake Up Sunshine: THE TITULAR TRACK. Wasn’t expecting that intro in the beginning. Okay so this song is very like “im gonna do me and I don’t care what you think.” If I had to put this in a movie this would go in the scene where the main character finally decides to stop being what everyone wants lol.

Fave Lyric: You’re pissing away, everyday’s a cliche. And they say if you’re bored then you’re boring.”

Monsters: THE BASS IN THE FIRST VERSE! YES ZACHARY. I’m waving my hand up and down the whole song PLS PLAY THIS ONE LIVE.

Fave Lyric: this is gonna be basic af but “Why am I sucker for all of your lies? Strung out like laundry with every line. Why do I come back to you like i don’t mind if you fuck up my life?”

Pretty Venom (Interlude): This is a very interesting and different sound for them in my opinion. The way Alex’s voice sounds here reminds me of Simple Creatures a bit. 

Fave Lyric: The whole song. I fuck with the whole song.

Favorite Place ft. The Band Camino: This is a song I would love to hear live just cause I feel like it would sound great live. Like it’s a nice chill song after turning up to something else.It’s a very sweet song. 

Fave Lyric: Can we close the space between us now? It’s the distance we don’t need. <-----That’s very headass and I love headassery.

Safe: I like how optimistic this song is. It’s very “you got this” and it’s def a song I would listen to when I’m down.

Fave Lyric: For every long goodbye, I’ll be your future down the road. 

January Gloom (Seasons Pt. 1): I like how he describes this person who gets him out of this rut. I like it cause I can picture someone even though it’s not the same person he’s talking about. Idk this song makes me feel things.

Fave Lyric: You’re like the sunshine in the lazy days of June. 

Clumsy: Idk why but this gives me “Oops I Did It Again” vibes. Specifically the “I was bound to make a mess of things, mixin' fireworks and gasoline. Now I'm out to make you fall with me.” also i see the "dropping bombs” and “future’s past” nods to time bomb and future hearts.

Fave Lyric: I got too high on myself, too young and stupid to tell. (Mostly cause it reminds me of the great sing Walls, ya know “it was obvious you were too much for me, oblivious I was young and horny”

Glitter and Crimson: This is very “the world is against us but together we make sense” vibes. 

Fave Lyrics: The whole bridge

Summer Daze (Seasons Pt. 2): It’s not my fave, it’s kinda just there. But this is a song I would’ve liked to hear when I was going through my sad girl summer.

Fave Lyric: Even when you’re gone it’s like I heard my favorite song and I never have to wonder.

Basement Noise: THERE’S TEARS CAUSE LIKE I’VE BEEN LISTENING TO THIS BAND FOR LIKE 10 YEARS AND I’M JUST SO PROUD OF THEM. This is another So Long Soldier but way better. God I’m so proud of these 4 men

Fave Lyrics:  Honestly just this whole song I’m crying DON’T LOOK AT ME lol.

Okay so basically I love this album and it’s one that I can listen to more and it’s not forgettable (sorry Last Young Renegade). It’s very upbeat and motivational. It’s weird cause my two favorite artists (All Time Low and Taylor Swift) released these positive albums that make me wanna do better you know? But yeah I can’t wait for to hear this live. 

[perylinsus]

Rant

Rant Contents-

Perming hair

Dyeing hair

Cutting hair

Getting piercings

Body weight

Tattoos

CONTAINS ENOUGH HATE AND UN-NEEDED CRITICISM TO LAST MILLIONS OF LIFE TIMES.

Okay, so this rant is gonna be weird as fuck, since it's about my hair and some piercings, but listen as I start talking about my hair. It's weird. It's straight somedays, curly on others, wavy on the others, and a combination of all three, though most of the time it's straight. It's also very, very, very thick and oily. Now, being in the end of my 3rd quarter of 8th grade, I keep telling people at school that I plan on getting a perm over the summer, since everyone is counting the days till then. But when I say perm, I mean tight-curls perm. Not even curls, more along the lines of coils. But everytime. Every. Single. Time. I say anything about getting a perm to someone with wavy/curly hair, they complain about how hard it is and how it'll be so much harder for me since; I'm not used to curly hair, my hair is too thick and/or my hair is super oily. All I want to do is turn and just fucking snap.

The only fucking reason my hair is straight and oily is because of the lice treatments I had to go through. I had those assholes all up on my head for 5 years straight. When I was a kid, I had to straighten my fucking hair everyday just to get it to cooperate. When I was a kid, I was fucking mistaken for a different race. My hair has always been thick, it was always silky and soft and it was in tight ass curls up until I was 5 or 6. I've experienced curly hair my entire life cause my step sister adopted triplet girls with hair that was on the verge of being kinky, but was still considered curly. I do their hair every fucking morning to this damn day. I have since they were adopted at 3 years old and that was 8 years ago. I was in my first year of having lice (I took precautions to make sure they didn't get lice. Luckily, it worked cause they never did).

I wanna fucking snap when people say to not get my hair permed into tight curls cause I won't be able to take care of them. I take care of curly hair every damn morning, 4 AM sharp, listening to babies cry when I only get 2 hours of sleep cause of my damn homework. Everything's good. I cope now, I will always fucking cope.

Two more factors make the complaining worse. Before I perm my hair, I'm getting it colored. Again, more complaining. Things like, "You'll damage your hair!" Or "Why would you color your hair, it's already so pretty." I might be doing two different colors, they might be bright and because of that, I have to bleach and color my hair. Don't get pissed because I don't wanna have basic brunette bitch hair like you (that's aimed at one person, not all brunettes. I luh u). I want to die my hair because I can. I'll perm my hair afterwards because my cousin, aunt and grandma, certified hair dressers, told me it was okay. I'm tryna live my life so back the fuck up.

Next thing, I wanna cut it, too. Before getting a perm, but after coloring it, I'm gonna try and get an undercut. More. Fucking. Complaining. "Sweetie, if you wanna color and cut your hair, you can't perm it. It'll look weird. I've tried it." Bitch. Does it look like I care about what you tried. You're pale, skinny and you have some fake ass lookin blonde hair. I am, on the other fucking hand, a delicious hunk of chubby Mexican (I'm trying to love myself more. Don't judge me). Me and you, we're completely different. I have an ass, some tits and some fat around my waist. You look like a sheet of horny construction paper (that shit feels weird...idk what y'all feel like, I swear). People may retaliate with;

"I'm not saying you'll be ugly, I'm saying curly hair and undercuts don't go well together." What if my main goal is to look ugly? To put shame to my last name (that rhymed bruh). Idgaf what you think. I'm cutting my hair, I'm coloring my hair and I'm perming this shit. I fucking live for coloring my hair, I've done it for the entirety of my middle school life. I miss having an undercut. Living in Florida with some dark ass, thick hair is hard, so the less hair, the easier my life (less shampoo and conditioner too). And my curly hair. I want that shit back. I didn't hate it then, but I also didn't love it, but. I. Want. It. Back.

So, with my hair, back tf up. Now some piercings.

My uncle does piercings for people. Yeah, total fucking pothead, but he's chill and good at his 3 steady jobs. He said, once I get old enough, he'd give me good quality piercings. Because we moved away from him, down to Florida (that was 5 years ago btw. I had ear piercings then. I also temporarily moved up to Michigan for like half a year, when he promised me), he hasn't given me my piercings yet. Over a video call, since he's overseas helping a friend move into a new house, he asked me what piercings I wanted so when he got back (I'd be halfway through my first quarter of freshman year) he could give me my piercings.

As many as I want, for no price at all. He's self employed so it's no problem, however my face/head area is all he'll do. I'm okay with it bc that's all I want. I tell him, with my bff and her bf sitting next to me. Her bf has his friend with him so he can hear me too, obviously. I say both ears and lips, possibly nose. My uncle says ok. He asks me what kind I'm considering for my ears. I say; standard lobe, upper lobe, helix and industrial. That's another ok. Then for my lips. I say; angel bites, snake bites, spider bites or shark bites. Again. Another okay. Then he asks for my nose. I say septum or nostril but the nose piercings weren't definitive. Again. That's okay.

My mom knows about this and she's okay with it. I'm my own person and what I choose to do needs to be dealt with by me. I face my mistakes, or I suffer. I choose to take some pretty bad ending risks but I learned. That's always been my lesson and it won't change. Face the consequences. My bff asks if she could get the same deal as I did. He says no but that he could lower the price significantly. She says okay, definitely happy, and her bf asks the same, getting the same response as my bff (he's cool with piercings. He had some. He just wants more). Now, my bff's bf's friend starts criticizing us, specifically me. We hate eachother so it was expected.

But this asshole. THIS ASSHOLE. Had the audacity to insult me on my choice of piercings. He's anti everything. Anti gays, anti abortion (this one is agreeable), anti Muslim, he's HORRIBLE (his personality filters into this. Believe what you want but if your personality is too evident in your opinion, DO NOT TALK TO ME. Especially if you're stuck up). I'm learning makeup atm so he goes down that road and calls me an ugly whore who deserves to die on the streets. Nice. But...same thing with the hair. I WILL DO WHATEVER I FUCKING WANT TO. IDGAF ABOUT YOUR OPINION. Don't criticize me because I want to get tons of piercings. He went down the path of racism, too, and called me a typical Hispanic bitch. Rebellious and dumb. I have nothing to say to this other than get tf out of my house. I turn to my friends and tell them if they agree with him to leave with him. They're actual friends so they stayed but he had to find his way home in the pouring rain. Don't be an ass to innocent people cause Karma's a bitch.

Anyway, I was called a hippy, spic, typical druggie, shitty person and retard (this word isn't taken lightly in my family. Don't call people that shit).

You know what, let's rant some more.

I'm a chunky motherfucker. I way well over 100 lbs but I ain't too close to 200. I'm almost 14 and I'm kinda short. Still growing, but short.

I have lots of body fat. Obese, depends on your definition of it. Fat, yes, but I can still rock some tight clothes better than anyone else. I've embraced my body fat. Yes, I'm currently researching healthy, lemme repeat, healthy ways to get rid of it, but I've embraced it and I now tell myself I'm cute whether people like it or not. It's strange since I've never done it before but it helps with depression.

Anyway, I'm chubby but I'm working on it. I need to glow up to rock my bullies' motherfucking worlds. This dude, idek who he was, comes up, calls me fat and walks away. I turn around and yell fuck you or fuck off or some shit like that. I'm making my way to class and this other kid trips me. When I hit the ground, he screams earthquake and runs.

I get up and walk my way to class like a civil person. Eventually, my mom, who works at my school, has to take me to the hospital cause I couldn't get up and leave my class at the end of the day. Why, you may ask? Well, I had;

minor whiplash

a sprained wrist

Scrapes on my knee that were so bad, they'll probably scar

My day sucked before that so it only got worse. Besides that, the whiplash is gone, my sprained wrist is healing nicely and it's just my knees that are still fucked up.

All that trouble because some bastard wanted to fuck with me cause I'm chubby. Stop being dicks everyone, unless that's your nickname.

Finally, the last topic. Tattoos. My other uncle, the twin brother of my piercings uncle, is a tattoo artist. Game addict, too, but, like, srsly, unhealthily addicted.

Anyway, if I can't do college, I have a guaranteed spot as a tattoo designer in his parlor. I'm trying to plan for college so it might not happen but, you never know. Besides that, he gave me a deal. As many tattoos as I want, for no price. All because I'm his only blood niece.

I said hell fucking yeah (I got a shoe thrown at me for it). He said as long as I designed them, he'd give me them. Okay, not too bad since I'm a 14 year old with college level art. First, though, I had to tell him what type I wanted. I said I wanted tribal, illustrative and possibly neo traditional.

I have designs for my illustrative tattoos. One for each important person in my life. My older brother, my younger brother, my mom, my grandma, my bff and my 1st dog. I was gonna try and do one for my husband/wife when and if I get married but I was warned about tattooing names of people I'm not related to on my body. Again, I might still do it. Anyway, those are for my illustrative tattoos. Then, comes my tribal tattoos.

I plan on asking my bestfriend and my mom to choose from a set of Moon Glyphs, which symbols best represent me. Whichever common ones they choose, will be hidden in a tribal tattoo on my ribcage. I also want a tribal on the top of my forearm and a tribal band around my bicep. I may just get arrows on the inside of my other forearm.

Neo traditional will probably be a worn down banner with flowers that has a saying in it. In another language, most likely, but there'll be a saying.

Anyway, I told my uncles this and my tattoo artist uncle said he was perfectly okay with it. My mom was chill with it, too, so everything was good. Until my great grandmother got ahold of the information. So many vulgarities.

Anyway, don't be a shithead when it isn't necessary. Let people learn from their own mistakes when said mistakes are revocable.

Luv ya and thanks for reading.

[anxaanya]

Chapter 1

Ok hi, this is gonna be a long intro so no on has to read this. But, very unrelated to what I am posting. I am super down at the moment? I literally have no friends and feel very pathetic rn so I wrote something? My life is literally a downhill spiral rn and I don’t even have anyone to talk to about it. Literally no one so I wrote bc I want to be in a another world so bad(preferably a really chill happy shojo anime where everything is pastel). Its not the best, i just wrote this on a whim and no one has to read this seriously but I want to be a writer and just wanna get myself out there. 

But anyways this is a part of a bigger story. I basically created a whole new character that i was debating on making it my own thing or just do a fanfic but I decided on fanfic bc it’s too similar to bp lol. So basically it’s about this girl named Amale who escaped like a slave trade and lost everything but years later she becomes like a warrior who wants to over throw the royal family bc they don’t do shit about it and like it keeps happening. And shes apart of like a girl warrior group like the Dora Malije and Erik comes and helps them lol. Its stupid but its not meant to be romantic. It’ll get there but rn I just want it to be super badass with badass women. And I want this to be comic(bc comics are basically fanfics, they just write different stories for the same characters lmao) 

But also Amale is inspired by Sumrider, this cool badass martial artist I love, check her out and also catwoman cuz animals are a big influence(I love animals) used later on and shell be really graceful and I just think catwoman is the coolest ever lmao

So here we go also trigger warnings: blood, human trafficking, rape, murder, death

I smiled as I dug my fingers deep into the bowl of wooden beads. They clanked beautifully against each other and in evidently calmed my nerves. I finally took one out the bowl and marveled at the walnut colored wood that was painted with ascents of red. I glanced in the mirror and met my eyes in the reflection. My cornrows were fresh and neat and ran down head, twisting, turned and overlapping each other along the way. The hairstyle allowed for my round forehead to be on display but I didn’t mind. They were painless yet tight enough to pull my already almond shaped eyes back to a smaller squint. I slipped the last bead on the end of my braid that fell over my ear, allowing it to move freely. I marveled at my bead work, shaking my head, letting the plaits dance as I closed my eyes.

               “Amale.” Startled from my trance, I spun my head to the call of my name. My eyes were met with Sa’diyah’s. They were round and kind and shone through the only light in the dim room allowing for me to see her dilated pupil that swam pools of amber. Her locs were rolled into a secure updo and in the graceful way she walked, she began to saunter towards me, and folded her long legs under her as she sat.

               “I really think you should have choose a more practical hairstyle,” she laughed as she softly pushed my long braids behind me.

               “I did. It’s way more practical than an afro.” I retorted. “Which makes no sense. You know my hero is afro samurai,” I continued and she laughed again, still running her fingers through my braids breaking the quiet of the night with the clacking beads.

               “Are you ready for this Amale?” She asked as she dropped her hand from my hair and stared at me again.

               I bit my lip and turned away. “You know I have to.”

               She didn’t speak. Her unakite stone pendant glistened in the light. The crystal I gifted to her. The crystal that belonged to my sister. The crystal I could no longer hold because of the memories it held.

 I remembered the last day I saw her wear it.

 …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 “Amale come!” My sister tugged at my wrist. My ears rung and my sister’s desperate plea voiced. I was frozen. I stood and never took my eyes off of my father’s body that lay in front of our front door. I stood as I watched the blood seep out of his still body. I watched as men in heavy uniforms and thick boots shot carelessly around our village. Their boots stomping on everything. Our crops. Our animals. Or lives. With giant guns strapped to their back, they killed those that were of no use to them and took those that were.

One of those men lay dead on our floor in the living room. He barged in uninvited. We were home alone. I sat on the couch watching afro samurai, one of my favorite shows and in that moment would finally witness merciless murder like those in this show. My sister hated that show and would never understand why our father would let me, a 10 year old girl watch something as violent as this. He always replied with, “Maybe she’ll learn something.” But I knew it was because he didn’t have the heart to tell either of us no. Spoiled was an understatement. My older sister was at the table, brewing a cup of tea for my father for when he returned from work. The sun was close to setting and he loved his cup of tea at the end of a long day. The tea sat on the counter as my sister washed dishes and talked on the phone to her boyfriend. I think they were fighting. He was cheater and I ever understood why my sister didn’t just leave him. Everyone wanted her. She was beautiful or I guess whatever was considered beautiful in these parts. We both shared a signature almond eye shape with a feminine slant and large full lips, two traits we inherited from our mother. My sister had long beautiful locs that contrasted amazingly with her skin. Her hair was as black as night and her edges were often free and curled in naps and kinks. (She didn’t care much for re-twisting.) Our black hair is another trait we had in common, although mine was much wilder, never done, and could barely hold a curl. My sister’s skin was a light golden brown, (that kind of reminded me of a lion’s coat which I would tease her for) and she has a cute button nose. I was told I would eventually grow into my forehead. My skin was a rich mahogany brown, kind of like…the rich beautiful brown of an antelope (My sister also hated my weird possession with animals.)

“Afia, I’m sorry, you know I love you,” I could hear the man on the other end speak as his voice was deep and booming. I could see why she liked him, he was super tall and muscular and I was too scared to ever look him in the eye when he spoke to me. “I hear you Oko just let me think about it.” She was now done with the dishes and leaned on the kitchen counter, playing with the unakite stone in her pendant that belonged to our mother. The stone aids in health and healing especially within pregnancy, which I find ironic as she died right after I was born.

The man that lay dead by our coffee table, barged in. And went straight to my sister, and yanked the phone from her fingers. “You’re a pretty little thing aren’t you,” he spoke through clenched teeth as he held her face tight towards his. I jumped from the couch attempting to pull him away from her. He glanced down at me and kicked me, sending me flying. “You’ll also do well in time little girl,” he spoke as he pushed my sister aside and began stomping toward me.

Out of nowhere I heard a loud boom. I screamed as blood flew from the man’s chest onto my face and he fell with a thud next to me. I shivered in shock as I just witnessed a real life murder. Afro Samurai still playing in the background and the sound made me sick to my stomach. My sister began to run to whoever stood behind me, tears streaming down her face, I heard the figure voice out, “Afia wait,” he called out to my sister.

I turned my head to see my father, shaking in fear. He held a tiny gun in front of him aiming at the man that lay next to me. He bleed out through his hip, the only spot without armor. He wasn’t dead.

“Father! Watch out!” I managed to scream. It was too late. The world moved in slow motion. My hearing was gone so I couldn’t hear myself scream in terror as I watched my father’s body drop. Blood spilling from his head. My sister’s screams were muted and I watched as she ran towards him and cried on his chest. I quickly remembered the man and grabbed my father’s hand gun that was soaking in a puddle of blood. I aimed at this man’s head and pulled the trigger.

My ears rung and the world was silent. Tears streamed down my face and I felt my sister grab my wrist, knocking the gun from my hand. She shook me to and fro as she screamed something I couldn’t hear. Her heavy pendant knocked against my shoulder as she yelled and I turned my attention to my father who I didn’t take my eyes off of. The sound returned and I finally heard my sister urging me to come and get out of here. All I could think of was the tea on the counter getting cold.  

 ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

 “Amale, I’m sorry.”

“Huh?” I unconsciously played with Sa’diyah’s necklace.

“For bringin up-“

“It’s fine.” I cut Sa’diyah off and dropped the pendant.

“I just…please don’t be mad at me.” She continued.

I looked into her large round eyes. “I could never,” I retorted. I meant it. “You’re like my little sister Sa’diyah. I could never.” I glanced down. “My older sister was never mad at me. Or she never made it obvious at least.” I forced a laugh. And she laughed too.

Silence filled the room.

“So as your sister,” Sa’diyah’s began as she broke the silence. Her posture straightened and she smiled exposing her larger, straight white teeth. “I can tell you anything right.” She continued.

“Of course.”

“Um, I’m not gonna tell you now, but it’s about you know...”

“No I don’t know,” I answered trying to hide my annoyance.

“You know the guy that came out of nowhere kind of sorta leading our group in this rebellion.” As she spoke, I wished I weren’t this annoying at sixteen…

“What Sa’daiyah? What about him?” I said with a tone that showed my displease.

“Well it’s just, I was thinking that maybe-“

“He’s an amazing asset to this team. He knows everything about the royal family and he can get us in. Overthrowing them is essential. He’s essential. Remember, they took my sister. They did nothing when my village was taken over. My father died-“

 “My village was invaded too,” Sa’diyah spoke with an attitude.

“I know Sa’diyah, all the more reason.” I touched her shoulder but she brushed it off.

“I’m just saying, I don’t trust him.” Her eyes narrowed and her voice shifted to a hushed tone. “You better be right about him. If he-“

We were interrupted by melodic clanks. We both looked to see a large hand move away the beads that hung down the doorway. In walked a tall man, heavy boots, military pants and a tight tee. His weapons decorated his large solid body and his dreads where braided in two cornrows a top his head.

               His deep voice boomed. “Y’all ready?”

[cjvazmovielife]

Living the Fantasy.

I spoke about this before. The reason people want to get into filmmaking is to live the fantasy. Everyone's fantasy is different, but they always involve a life you aren't currently living. It's always about what you think will make you the happiest, and not necessarily what you need at that moment. Mine was an exception to that rule because I was living my fantasy and it was what I needed at that moment.

When I was with her, I was the happiest I've ever been. I woke each day with a smile on my face to the sound of birds chirping away. Full disclosure, my neighborhood is also a bird sanctuary so that could have contributed to my Disney Movie fantasy life as well, but I do believe the birds would have followed us anywhere to sing to her. I rolled over to see her there sleeping, dreaming and looking as amazing as ever. I would gently wake her by kissing on her neck and loved the way she smelled in the morning. I've said this before, she was the only person I knew that could smell so incredible after waking up. As most people do not.

After kissing on her neck for a bit, and making her giggle, I would run downstairs, and make us both coffee. Usually, I went over the top trying to mimic my own caramel frappuccino. I would even whip up some cream. I chilled the coffee as I made breakfast and usually brought it to her in bed. We were happy, at least I thought we were. But keeping the fantasy can be a routine because once you consistently do it, you need to keep doing it. See I never learned that before now, because I never wanted to do it until now.

After breakfast, we would do what we needed to do that day. In our open time, we would go to stores and just look around. Seeing what decorations we could get for our place. Something artistic, wooden and rustic looking. Aphorism cards attached to wooden frames or boards. Lavender and Mint oils. We would look at furniture as well. We were living the starter lifestyle as neither of us was settled or set in our ways. With minimal Netflix watching exceptions to that as well. We weren't buying anything super expensive, but money wasn't our main focus either. DIY and thrifty shopping was what we concentrated on.

We would decorate our place, focusing mainly on our bedroom. Above her desk, she hanged a picture frame and draped twinkle lights around it. She added a small lamp with a wood and paper shade to my desk. It was really sweet the way she made the room. I miss it and truth be told I haven't changed anything since she left. Everything is still in the same spot it was while she was here. Just missing her and what she made of it.

I still don't know why she left. She never gave me a reason and in my desire to always give her what she wanted I never asked. I wish I would have asked and I wish I would have told her a thousand times over that I loved her the night she left instead of just once. Some have told me that maybe I gave her too much and that's why. That it wasn't exactly a mystery that I would go above and beyond for her each day. I really don't think I did that much for her to be honest. Breakfast in bed is not exactly building the Taj Mahal or the Coral Castle. I wanted to make her happy. I vowed to make her happy, and whatever it took I was ready to do.  

People will always argue with me that you can't do that every day. The time isn't there, the energy isn't there, that is unsustainable. Oh, and the worst thing in their minds, she gets used to it, and one day you don't do it she gets upset. Even at this moment, I can't forgive that argument. I would want the woman I love to get used to being treated like she deserves. I would want her to be used to me doing nice things, and I'm 'not' sorry if I wrecked it for someone else, because I would hope she's now accustomed to a certain level of treatment. I don't ever want her to settle for less than what she deserves. No boyfriend or husband should ever want your significant other to settle for less than what she deserves.

I found the time to do a lot for her, and I found the energy. I was doing things for her first because I put her first over anything else. Because I was living my fantasy, and that was it. I wanted to wake up next to someone that smelled incredible, and her beauty was unmatched. I wanted to have this amazing girlfriend that I could talk to for more than 15 minutes without getting bored of wanting to slash my wrist. I wanted to be with someone so amazing that kissing them made everything good possible and everything bad but a distant memory. I wanted someone that I could live that starter lifestyle with. The one where you are buying things together for the first time because you want to be together and have a life together. I was living my fantasy, and I wish every day I could have it back.

On set, I have been able to live a fantasy life that many people wish they could live. Having a lightsaber battle on a distant planet in a galaxy far far away, it wasn't in the movie, but I did it. Sitting in the cockpit of the Millenium Falcon with Chewbacca for a quick camera test, I did it. Playing a spy being chased around a secret government installation, I did that too. Laying in bed with a gorgeous actress, yeah I definitely did that. I love camera tests and being called in as a stand-in.  It wasn't the highest paying job by any means but the benefits are amazing, and for a film geek like myself they were life-changing.  

So maybe it is because of my film life that I just look for a fantasy that many might take for granted. I can't tell you how to treat the person you love. It's not really my place anyway, but how would you feel if you lost them? You can't point to me as the example of, "well he did all that and still lost her so why even bother with the effort?" I did lose her, and it sucks every single day. But for a time I was living my fantasy, I was happy, and life was absolutely perfect. I had the girl I wanted, the life I wanted, the family I wanted and also the extended family I really wanted. Add another movie a couple months down the road, and I had everything. Then somehow I lost everything, except for the movie but at the time that didn't matter to me.

Jobs come and go, just like money does. Don't let that be your concentration for a better life. Instead, focus on what you have now with the people you love. Don't take anyone or anything for granted. Because if you lose them or it, your heart will break into pieces so small that they are barely visible. Then suddenly the things you thought were more important will seem trivial and needless to you. Love whoever you are with for however long you can. Never put yourself in a position to wonder if you could have loved them more or could have spent more time with them. Know that you gave them all your heart every single day and if you lose them write a blog to help yourself heal.

End of Meal Break.

[rockynottheboxer-blog]

Chapter 2

He awoke in a hospital room, his various body parts bandaged and in casts. His eyes burnt, his memory fuzzy, but still there. He remembered the horrifying vision that he saw when he was… unconscious? Or was he dead as he so thought? He had no real way of telling if at that point he was alive or dead, or rather, if the thing he saw was real. His vision finally sharpened the objects around the room. He looked to his left at the visitor’s chair. Currently it was empty, however it appeared that people had come and gone. A woman’s glasses on the small metal table, his bedside creased as though someone was recently sitting there. He shifted his vision to right in front of him, to the door. He remembered being young and having a family member that was in this part of the hospital. Then he saw a sign above another door, some distance behind the nurses’ desk, “Intensive Care Unit”. Huh. He didn’t feel too terribly bad, only occasional piercing feelings where his arm and legs had broken. He lifted his un-broken arm to his face. He felt more bandaged covering one half of his face. The weird thing is, when he applied pressure to feel how bad it was, it felt… normal. It was strange, because even if he was on pain medicine he would at least have felt some pain. He tried to speak but his throat was raspy. He swallowed in a raspy voice called out, “Nurse”. The woman at the desk lifted her head and looked around, not sure where the voice came from, so again he called out “Ma’am.” Her eyes drifted to his room and met his eyes. Her eyes widened and she stood and hurried over to him. She entered her room and asked, “Sir, are you okay?” He tried to speak again but his throat had a sharp pain, he managed to squeeze out “Water?” Before he could stop himself, the pain was immense, but the nurse went out of his line of sight, then returned with a small cup and raised it to his lips and dribbled it in. The water was heaven on his dry throat, he asked for a second cup, which he received, but when he asked for a third, the nurse simply said, “Don’t strain yourself, first questions, then more water, okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah okay.”

“Can you remember your name?”

“My name is Jesse, but a lot of my friends call me Jess.”

The nurse appeared to be surprised at something. “And your last name?”

“Cotilla. Why do you ask? Is there something wrong?”

“Well no but considering that you just woke up from a coma, it’s a bit strange you could remember so fast.”

“Wait hold up…” He didn’t even thing about how long he would have been out, so he asked, “How long have I been out?”

“14 months, you’ve been unresponsive for pretty much all of that time, we’d tried so many things... we… well your family was ready to pull the plug.”

“Oh my god... Jaz! My fiancé? How is she?”

The nurse had a pained expression, “We... well it was a miracle you had survived. I’m sorry sir... we couldn’t save her.”

A pained sound came from his throat, he couldn’t form words. Everything that had happened, somehow, he knew, at the bottom his gut, the back of his soul. No. He was brought back, that meant that she could be brought back too. The nurse recognized his expression. “Sir I know it can be hard to lose someone you love, but I strongly advise you not do anything rash.”

The soft yet heavy feeling of sadness compressed into a hard-compacted ball of anger. He thought it best to hide that, he immediately changed his face. “I won’t ma’am. May I have more water?” As she turned to get the cup, he sat up and slid out of the bed and stood up and stretched, and, man did it feel good. She turned around with the cup and looked shocked. He saw the look on her face, “Uhh... you okay?”

“You... you shouldn’t be able to walk...”

He just looked at her. “Why not? Even with broken legs they’d have healed by now?”

“Your spine was damaged in the crash... You should be paralyzed. Waking up was one miracle, but I can’t see how you aren’t paralyzed.”

“Well since I’m not, can I take off all these bandages and go home?”

“Let me call your doctor first... something isn’t adding up”

He agreed and when she left, he walked to the mirror. He saw only himself, he didn’t know what he should expect. He huffed. It was probably a dream, the thing in the mirror. The silver candle, the room, and …it. He realized something as he recalled the moment when the beast placed its hand on him, the searing pain; A burn that bad wouldn’t have healed. He pulled the hospital gown away from his shoulder and saw a bandage. His heart raced as he pulled away it and a scar the shape of a hand. His breathing grew heavy as he brought up his own hand to the burn. the sizes matched as if he had seared himself. With his heart thudding against his ribcage, he breathed out, “Fuck.”

“Mr.…. Cotilla, is it? Yes, Jesse Cotilla.”

He whirled around and saw the doctor and the nurse standing at the door, “Uh yeah that’s me.”

“Sooo, I guess I should get right to the point here. In short: You should be dead or paralyzed.”

He huffed, “Gee thanks Doc, big boat of confidence.”

“Sorry about that, I’m a fairly straightforward person- “

“I can tell”

“-but with that also comes from the fact that against all odds you escaped paralysis and as you seem to have noticed, your wounds have healed without any evidence of scarring.”

The doctor narrowed his eyes slightly, an almost hungry glare in his eyes. Ugh, if he for whatever reason did get super powers or that stuff, this doctor was acting unnecessarily antagonistic.

“Look... Doc, I don’t know how the hell this happened or why, but if I’m all well and good, can I get out of here? Like yeah if you gotta do quick checkup I’m down obviously, but I just learned my Fiancée is dead so if you don’t mind I would like to get the hell out of here.” His voice progressively rose until he was nearly shouting at the end of the sentence, both staff members looking startled. He took a deep breath and said, “So is there anything else you need to do?”

“Well we need to do some paper work and yes a final checkup before we can check you out,” The doctor said, his pompous nature having returned.

After being checked out and got home, apparently his family had paid off his car, which he would pay them a visit and let them know that he wasn’t dead or any of that fun stuff. He got into his old and now even more beat up sedan, and on the dash in a black envelope had a somehow even more black envelope, which in (thank goodness) white text said:

               It seems you faired well in the hospital, I am a human agent of the Umbra group which you so gracefully joined, if you think this shabby vehicle would do you well as one of our ‘agents’ you are poorly mistaken, go to the address posted at the bottom of this envelope and tell them your first and last name, and you are ready for your pickup

                                                                                                           -T

Huh. This was either about to be really cool or really weird. He was about to back out of his apartment parking space when in his rearview mirror he saw his reflection but dressed in different clothes and otherwise different style. He was about to look down at himself to be sure he wasn’t just forgetting things when his reflection spoke in the same bone-chilling voice as his first dream. “So, you dealt with your first challenge accordingly”

He shivered and replied, “What challenge?”

“The doctor of course, my followers and I needed to be sure you weren’t too timid to deal with a slight push in the wrong direction.”

“How was he pushing in the wrong direction?”

“All will be revealed; your training has already begun. First get used to the connections between the physical world and my realm, then you will learn how to travel between dimensions, where our training begins.”

“Can’t you just like zap the training into me or something?”

“That would defeat the reason I chose you, you’re unique, strange even- “

“Gee thanks.”

“-but above all, you have the free will of an artist, which is not common with people who have as many physical benefits as you do. But enough conversation, go to the address, I’m certain they’ve picked out something you’ll like”

[velvetroom--imagines]

I love these types of blogs so much!!! Could you maybe do vampire Yusuke? Like general and with a s/o? That be super great, thx so much!!

I really liked this AU. I might’ve wrote it darker and slightly angsty than intended. It was a bit rushed towards the end, but I hope this pleases you!

Vampire!Yusuke HCs

General HCs

Many people would think that Yusuke’s choice ofwords was strange. No one in the 21st Century would use words like‘Indubitably’ or ‘Alas’. His vocabulary is higher and classier than the averagestudent, and it was hard for people to understand him. People often ask him ifhe was born in the 18th Century in a joking manner.

If only they knew he was much more olderthan that.

It’s hard to pinpoint exactly when Yusukewas born, or turned into one of the undead. Early traces of him could be foundaround the 14th Century. Yusuke was fond of the arts back then, andno one would believe him if he explained that he saw the Mona Lisa when it wasfirst displayed.  More or less, he wouldsneak into artists’ houses just to look at their unfinished work.

Yusuke spend most of his past life in Euro-AsianContinents, especially Italy. He has seen almost all of the future landmarks,like the Sistine Chapel Ceiling, The Starry Night and many more. His adventuresceased when war and disease was starting to become a common thing.

He also couldn’t find the time to fall in love.Everyone he was attracted to either died too early, or was already in love withanother. He was especially popular during the Victorian Era, and swooned acouple of ladies with his elegant speech.

His final location was Japan, where he hidhimself underground and fell into a deep sleep around the early 19thcentury. The problem was that he didn’t wake up until the 21stCentury.

When he woke up, he was too disoriented with thecurrent world. Smartphones were aliens to him, and what’s a hashtag?

It took him a while to steal some clothes andhide amongst the living, but he was safe. Yusuke Kitagawa was now a student atKosei High, supposedly one of the only vampires in Tokyo. It was only harder tofeed or eat, especially since cops were around.

It was rather funny when Yusuke tried to tradein pure gold for items. Store Owners began to freak out when he pulled outsmall pieces of gold to buy a shirt. Luckily, someone directed him to apawnshop where he actually received money.

He manages to withstand the light, but it onlyleaves him weak. He is often seen wearing hats or hoodies, and sometimes, hewould bring an umbrella with him. People who brush hands with his would oftenfeel a sudden chill; it was no secret that his body was just as cold as acorpse.

One thing he truly hates the most is that hecannot see his own reflection. Vampires cannot see themselves in a mirror, andcameras would only leave a blurry picture. He has always wanted to see what helooked like now, having forgotten the last time he ever saw his own face.

 Rather than the Phantom Thieves that stolehearts, the team was a bunch of vampires that struggled to survive in Tokyo.Instead of entering the Metaverse and changing cognitions, they fought evilvampires that tried to kill out of fun, rather than survival.

RomanticHCs

Yusuke met you, his future S/O at school. Atfirst, your friendship consisted of being classmates until an art class where youwere paired up together. It was a project about historical art, to find a pieceand try to decipher the meaning behind the art.

In the midst of trying to find a piece, Yusukewould often try to guide you to find a piece to work on together. During the project,he would always correct you and tell you facts before you can even google it. Soon,your project was successfully finished with a high grade.

Yusuke had other plans however. At first, heonly saw you as a meal. Of course, Vampires needed to feed and he was noexception. You were supposedly his next target, and there were no feelingstowards you. His first step was to invite you out on a little ‘date’, and takecare of you from there.

It didn’t go exactly as planned, however. He hadtaken you to a vast forest, and purposely gotten lost with you. Just as he wasabout to take you by the next and drain the red from your body, you expressedyou sudden feelings towards Yusuke. “Can I just say that I really like your artwork?”By then, he had frozen in surprise. “There’s just something about them thatmakes them so unique, and I keep trying to search meaning in them.” Perhaps, hewill kill you next time.

Yusuke doesn’t follow through his future plans,however. One date turns into two, then two turns into four. Eventually, it hadbeen months since that first date. By the seventh, he made a fatal mistake. Theseventh date took place under a bridge, and he was certain that he was going toget rid of you. However, you didn’t fail to surprise him yet again. “Is it abad thing to say that I might’ve fallen for you?”

Initially, Yusuke was supposed to clamp a handover your mouth and start feeding. He wanted to decline and get rid of you forgood, but his dead heart said otherwise. “Are you requesting me to court you? Iwouldn’t decline such a delightful offer.”  

He didn’t expect to get so attached to a meal,and it was the first time he was hesitating on feeding. Dating was one of themost fulfilling memories of his long life, but it was at the cost of his life.Ever since you entered his life, he began to feed less and less. It suddenlycame to a point where he couldn’t bring himself to eat, because he thoughteating would be betraying his S/O.

Eventually, he comes to his breaking point. Afterbeing badly hurt by an enemy, he finds himself wounded and weak. Since he hasrestricted himself from feeding, he can only hope the wound heals on its own. Helocks himself up in his dorm, and refuses to leave. You, on the other hand, istold that he is ‘sick’. He tells you not to come, and even sounded angry whenyou insisted to visit. Soon, you had come to realize that people don’t staysick for two weeks.

Yusuke’s condition had worsened. Hunger had begunto affect his mentality, turning him into depraved monster unlike his composedself. The blood bags he would steal from the hospital weren’t enough, onlycoming in limited packaging. He couldn’t eat or sleep, and all he wanted to dowas feed. Deep down, he was truly afraid that the next human he sees may be hisnext meal. He wasn’t in the right mind when he heard the front door open.

“Who’s there?” He asked, trying to keep himselfcalm as possible. Fingers twitching and itching to eat, he waited patiently forhis prey. The voice calling out to him didn’t get through his head, and suddenly,the door to his bedroom opened. Without even checking who it was, he lunges forwardand pins them on the floor. Hungrily, he drooled on the figure.

Blinded by his urge to eat, he didn’t seem tocare that his supposed meal was no other than his S/O. “From this angle, you looklike such a delicious meal.” He had begun to sniff you out, getting drunk withyour scent. And then it all starts to flash back, all the memories of himtrying to trap you, all his attempts of trying to kill you. Before he couldsink his teeth into your delicate flesh, he stops for a moment.

“S/O… I-“ He chokes for a moment, trying to holdhimself back.

“Please, l-leave me be… Your scent is sooverwhelming. I’ll be willing to die to take a bite. However, once I do, Imight not be able to stop…” Yusuke pleaded, shuddering with each breath. Hetries to move back, knowing that once you leave, it might be all over for him.He only prays that you would get up and run, away from his sight and power.

And yet, your scent doesn’t leave the room.Instead, he hears the sound of shuffling cloth. “Yusuke, don’t hold back.”Looking up, the first thing he sees is your exposed shoulder. It was thebreaking point for him. Without a moment to spare, he moves at an inhuman paceand pierces through your shoulder with no mercy. It was so sweet, a rare andunique taste. Feeling your hands run up his purple hair, he relaxed.

“I love you, Yusuke. Eat as much as you can. Idon’t mind if you take too much, you are everything to me.” How could he do this to someone who wouldsay such words to him?

At those words, you might’ve felt a prick oftears on your back. Even so, he continues to drink from you. It was a warbetween his needs and his heart, his hunger or your life. After moments ofsticking to your flesh, he finally pulls away. Before you could tell him tokeep going, he shakes his head. “No, it’s enough.” Once you look at him, youimmediately see a regretful expression on his face.

A relationship with a Vampire was hard. It wasnothing like the fairytales shown on TV. Even when Yusuke warned you what kindof trouble you would be involved in. No matter how many times he tried to breakit off, you always stayed.

Every now and then, Yusuke would question your humanity.There was no way of avoiding age, and you were a step close to dying eachsecond. He would think about turning you into a Vampire himself, but it mightnot be what you want. He knows that living forever means to leave behind yourlife, and would leave it up to you to decide.

Dating Vampire!Yusuke was a challenge. His S/Owould always have to hide him and risk their own lives of getting caughthelping the undead. They would also have to be understand of his diet, and mayhave to help him gather blood bags to sustain his health. Loving this man meantpromising him your eternity, and to promise your heart to him for as long asyou live.

It may not be the happiest love story, and itmay not end with a happy ending, but this love was one that would’ve lasteduntil the end of time. As long as you trusted your heart to Yusuke, expect himto protect you from all the dangers in the world.

[writingwithadinosaur]

“Summer Secret” - Oneshot

“Summer Secret” - Oneshot

My Masterlist - Here

Tony Stark x Reader

Other Avengers Mentioned

Word Count: 2,272

Key: Y/N = Your Name, L/N = Your Last Name, H/C = Your Hair Color, E/C = Your Eye Color

Warnings: Cursing. Nothing else that I could tell. Let me know if I missed anything!

Summary: It’s the first day of summer! Your boyfriend decides to throw a party to celebrate. You don’t know how you are going to keep your recent secret hidden at this party.

Author’s Note: So I actually got a tattoo for my birthday at the convention I went to. MegaCon has had tattoo artists there for awhile and I finally was able to get a tattoo. I personally got two Mickey balloons (I can post pictures and an explanation on my blog if you all really want to know or see more). But then my family came over to swim on Memorial Day and I couldn’t go swimming because of my tattoo. So then I thought of this story! I hope you all enjoy!

This is another personal piece, I promise I am working on requests and my various series. It just takes a long time! Thank you for all your patience and support!

If you would like to be tagged in any of my future pieces (All Works, Specific Fandoms, or Specific Multi-Parts), please let me know! And as always, feedback is greatly appreciated!

<3

- DreaSaurusREX

The Avengers: Crime fighting team, Defeaters of Hydra, and your family. You moved to the city awhile back in order to escape your family and start over. Your parents were criminals and barely in your life as is. You lived with your older brother and sister for the most part. But then your brother got married and your sister started grad school, so you took whatever money you had and left. You were living in a shitty apartment in a sketchy side of town. After an encounter with a scummy thief, you found out that you were superhuman. You had telekinesis. This raised the eyebrows of Shield, and now here you are: An Avenger. Living with the best family you could ask for.

Knowing this, it was difficult to keep one huge secret from them: Your relationship with Tony. Yes, there was an age gap between the two of you. But you two had come to terms with that and accepted it. The age didn’t matter. It was the happiness that you both have gotten out of being with each other that really mattered. You were each other’s support systems, shoulders to cry on, cuddle buddies, best friends, and each other’s everything. And while you two have accepted the age gap, you didn’t know how the team would react. So you kept it under wraps, just to be safe.

Today marked 8 months of being with Tony. It was also the first day of summer, and it was the first time in awhile that the whole team was able to relax and hang out in the tower. Tony being Tony took advantage of this and called everyone for a pool party. You had gotten the mass text with the information as you were heading back to your room from being out for a few hours. You planned on just hiding in your room and relaxing. But then a familiar voice accompanied some knocks on your door.

“(Y/N)! Come on! Get your swim suit on and let’s go!”

You had just sat down. Groaning, you got up and opened the door. Tony was standing in his trunks and a white tank top with his favorite sunglasses and a smile on his face. This all made it that much harder to tell him you weren’t going.

“Hey, T. I think I’m just going to relax in here today. I’m tired and a bit sore.” You tried to give him a look of pleading, but he wasn’t having it.

“Nope. This is the first time in months that everyone is home and relaxing. We are all going to the pool and swimming, playing games, drinking a bit, and being together. That includes you, missy.” You pouted, but he then pushed himself into your room a little bit and held your hands in his. “Please, sweetheart? If you come out, we can do whatever you want to do tonight.”

You couldn’t object to that. So you rolled your eyes and sighed. He knew he had won, so he gently took your chin in his fingers and pulled you into a kiss. It was short and sweet. You both were smiling when you pulled away, his smile bigger than yours.

“Fine. Go ahead and start without me. I’ll meet everyone upstairs in 10 minutes. I need to find my bathing suit and coverup. They’re somewhere in the back of my dresser.”

“Don’t take too long, babe. Or I will come up here and drag you to the pool.” You both chuckled before he kissed you one more time and left. You shut the door and turned around to your dresser.

How the hell am I going to survive this?

~~~~~~~~

You were able to find your bathing suit and coverup after taking almost everything out of your bottom drawer. You don’t wear bathing suits often, so they just got shoved further into your dresser as time went on. Surprisingly they still fit pretty well and made you look bomb af. But you had to keep your cover up on and couldn’t really go into the pool or be in the sun for too long. The most you went in was sitting on the edge and having your feet in. The team respected that, and just appreciated you coming out with them.

It was about 30 minutes in and you were sitting on the edge with Natasha while Steve, Sam, Wanda, and Bucky all swam in front of you. The group of you talking about random things. Then Natasha changed the topic.

“How about we play chicken?” She got a nod of approval from the super soldiers before looking at you. “You in, (Y/N/N)?”

“Nah. I’m just gonna chill here. Not really comfortable with that game.” Thank god Wanda spoke up.

“I’ll play. You just gotta teach me first!”

The four of them went to the center of the pool while Sam swam up closer and put his arms along the edge of the pool and kept talking to you. You two were super close friends, but you couldn’t help but notice the subtle flirting he tossed in.

You thought it was subtle, but apparently it had been obvious to Tony. He was at the bar with Bruce and Rhodey, the only two people who knew about you and Tony from almost day one. You trusted them and knew that they wouldn’t say anything or else they not only had Tony to deal with, but also you.

“Looks like Sam is getting real close to (Y/N).” Rhodey said, knowing it would push Tony’s buttons a little harder. Tony threw Rhodey a sort of thankful look.

“So I’m not the only one noticing it. Good.” He took another sip of his drink before continuing. “I’m gonna go join their conversation. I’ll see you guys later.” Tony made his way to you as the two men chuckled at their friend.

You saw Tony looking at you and Sam earlier, but you hadn’t seen him get up and end up sitting right next to you. So when he sat down and spoke up, you jumped a bit.

“Mind if I join in?” Tony said in a voice that only you could decipher. It sounded normal to everyone else, but you could tell that there was some jealousy behind it. Tony then hopped in and was in between you and Sam. You chuckle a bit and look at him over your sunglasses.

The three of you talk and watch part of the team playing chicken. In the end, Natasha and Steve won. Once they all settled down from the game, everyone kind of hung out near the edge of pool where you, Tony, and Sam were. Tony sat up next to you to make room for more people in the water near you guys.

Everyone was having their own little conversations when Tony’s voice makes everyone listen in.

“So, (Y/N/N), you gonna tell us why you aren’t in the water completely?” Even behind his sunglasses, you could tell that Tony was giving you a look of pure curiosity. You had never really been like this around pools. You usually swam and played chicken and such.

You sat there in a bit of a panic. Just breathe. They won’t freak out over this. There is no real way out of this without showing them right now. Just go for it. With a deep breath in, you spoke.

“Well, I can’t really swim in chlorinated water with my birthday present to myself being recently finished.” And with that, you took off your swim suit cover up to reveal a very large tattoo that is all over your left side.

It starts on the back of your left rib, wraps around, and ends a little above your left hip. It was all flowers that represented things throughout your life. So you had sunflowers for your sister, white peonies for your brother, and a few others. You had just gotten the okay to take the plastic bandage off of the lower section that you had done recently, but it still ached.

“So I can’t do a lot until this big boy heals completely. I have been going in twice a week for two weeks to get this finished. My first appointment was two weeks ago, the day after my birthday, and my last appointment was yesterday.” You look at Tony. “That’s why I said I was sore and didn’t really want to come to this party. But then I thought I would regret not spending time with the rest of the team.”

Everyone was silent for a few seconds before taking turns taking closer looks at the whole piece. After a few minutes of talking about tattoos and such, Wanda speaks up.

“As much as (Y/N)’s tattoo is badass and looks amazing, I want a rematch in that chicken game. Steve, Tash, Bucky - You in?”

The four of them quickly swam back to the center of the pool and began their rematch. The others that were around you went off and did their own things or got up to get drinks and snacks. Then it was just you and Tony. It was his turn to look at your tattoo. You lean a bit so he can really see it and a good angle.

“So this is where you’ve been going for a couple of weeks. I was getting worried that you were with someone else.” He said half joking. You could tell that he tried to make it a joke but was serious about it too.

“No! You know I love you, even if we haven’t told the team about us yet.” You both smile at each other. Then Tony slyly takes your hand in his, kind of pondering something for a few seconds before intertwining his fingers with yours.

“Why not let them know? It’s about time they found out.” You smiled even bigger and giggled a bit. Then you remembered you had to show him something. Undoing your fingers from his, you looked at him with excitement written all over.

“Oh! I forgot to show you this! Well, I didn’t want to point it out in front of everyone cause it would raise questions, but I’m sure a few of them noticed this. I had my tattoo artist add in another small detail for me that I think you’ll like.”

You looked down to find what you were looking for before pointing to it. It was a flower that was an ombre of yellow near the center to red on the ends of the petals, the same color as Tony’s suit. But then you pointed closer to the middle. The center was blue and looked like a natural version of his arch reactor. Tony looks at it and realizes the symbolism. He is amazed and reaches out to kind of brush his fingers over it, but you recoiled and hissed in a bit. He instantly shot his eyes to you and started to apologize.

“No! You’re fine, T. It’s just that that was part of the last section I got done yesterday, so it still hurts a bit to the touch.” He apologizes again and just puts his hand on the small of your back. Still facing you, he smiles while his eyes go from your face to your lips to your tattoo and then back to your face. He was thinking.

“What’s going on in that mind of yours, Shellhead?” He chuckled at your nickname for him. He always thought you were clever.

“Well, I’m debating on fighting myself and waiting for later, or saying fuck it.” You were confused. This answer didn’t make anything clearer.

“What in particular are you–”

“Ah fuck it.” While you were in the middle of asking your question, Tony spoke over you a little bit and then leaned in to kiss you. You gladly kissed back after letting out a small noise of surprise. It was a nice kiss, nothing too big, but big enough for your first kiss in public.

Your kiss was interrupted when you jumped at the voices of the team hooting and hollering. You blush and kind of hide your face in Tony’s shoulder. Both of you are laughing until Tony speaks up.

“Alright alright, mind your own damn business. Go back to chicken or whatever the heck you were doing.” The team did so but definitely kept catching glimpses of you and Tony.

You look back at Tony and he wraps his arm around your shoulders while you lean into him. Something you didn’t think you would do in public for awhile.

“Well, that was certainly one way of telling them about us. But how are we going to break it to them that we’ve been keeping this a secret for a little under a year?” You were honestly a bit nervous about that. You look up at Tony and he is just watching the rest of them relaxing while he spoke to you.

“We’ll deal with that at dinner. I have a feeling they’re going to ask for all the details then anyways.” He looks down and sees that you are worried about it. “Hey, it’ll be okay. I promise.”

You just take a deep breath and smile back at him. He leans down and kisses you again. A few of your friends hollered again. You both smiled into your kiss but didn’t break it. Instead, you threw them a middle finger. Sam laughed the loudest.

“Yep. Look at that! They’re perfect for each other!” You end up breaking the kiss then because you and Tony laugh at that.

It seemed like the team would be accepting of your relationship with Tony. Your relationship certainly felt as close to perfect as you could get.

Tags: @goodnightwife , @feelmyroarrrr @theeactress

[my-bobohu-blog]

can you go into detail why you sorted each member into their hogwarts houses?

Slytherin: Ambition, Cunning, Resourcefulness

Kyungsoo: has the ambition of wanting to pursue both singing and acting and to be the best he can be in both fields. is super duper driven in his path. also has some mad dirt on the other members and i wanna know what he knows so don’t even try to argue about him not being in slytherin. (also just bc he’s in slytherin, that doesn’t mean he isn’t extremely caring towards his friends okay don’t stereotype slytherins omg)

Minseok: he’s always the hardest for me to place but honestly i think he falls into hufflepuff or slytherin. if the sorting hat would sort based on what traits an individual needed, then for sure minseok would be a slytherin. he needs that shot of ambition to keep driving him forward. there’s no doubt that minseok is talented and amazing of fucking course, but he’s so easily overshadowed by others you know? i feel like if minseok had more ambition, he would really shine so he belongs in slytherin to bring that side out!

Tao: for me, taotao is either in slytherin or ravenclaw but i honestly think slytherin. this boy has gone through hell and back and dealt with some nasty shit in his life- but nothing has ever stopped him. he wanted to make his own music? he did that. he wanted to make cpop blow up? he did that. he wanted to film a movie with jackie chan? HE DID THAT. tao is so extremely ambitious and resourceful and it makes me so proud of him. he’s still genuine and amazingly precious (the little beef who everyone wants to take care of) but i think his ambition is what speaks for him the most~

Gryffindor: Bravery, Courage, Chivalry

Baekhyun: our fearless bbh. that alone is enough said. our boy has gone through a lot (with the whole 2014 scandal and things) and he lost his shine for a little while, but he came back and is brighter than ever. if you think that it doesn’t take some fucking bravery and courage to go out there and be the moodmaker every night and to do The Most after being called a traitor for a fucking year, then you need to reevaluate. bbh knows he can mess up anytime and people will criticize him- but he’s still here and still being the biggest dork ever and loving aeris more than we ever deserved. he’s also the anchor for every single one of his members like literally always cheering them on and supporting them and letting them shine too.

Luhan: i love lulu so fucking much okay holy shit. like that time he fucking pulled over to yell at some dude who was recklessly driving around fans who were trying to follow him and yelled at the guy to be safe and to think about the safety of those girls- like HOLY SHIT. that took guts and that is some chivalrous shit okay. also luhan is just great? like he’s out there making his own music and finding his own sound despite leaving a group that very much loved him. i’m proud of this little deer and for sure he’s a gryffindor. also luhan as the gryffindor quidditch captain (vs minseok as the slytherin captain and yifan as the ravenclaw captain LIKE BYEEEEEEEE)

Chanyeol: HE DOESN’T EVEN MANSPREAD WHEN SHARING A COUCH WITH PEOPLE OKAY. HE SITS WITH HIS KNEES TOGETHER AND HIS HANDS FOLDED NICELY ON HIS LAP. LIKE THE KING OF CHIVALRY IS PARK CHANYEOL. NO ONE ARGUE WITH ME ON THIS. but also he’s so brave too!!! always sharing his studio and music with us even though it’s something private of his and probably something really personal to him as well. but he shares it with us despite the criticism he receives because he loves us and that shows his courageousness. 

Ravenclaw: Intelligence, Creativity, Individuality

Jongdae: kim jongdae is one of the most talented singers this universe has ever encountered. he could honestly solo so damn quick if he wanted to because he is just /that/ talented. but he hasn’t yet. and it’s not because he can’t, but because he just genuinely loves music so damn much and wants to keep exploring different genres of music to find the sound that fits him the most. that alone exhibits his desire to educate himself about music (i mean SHE’S DREAMING was the greatest blessing EVER) and his creativity and individuality into becoming the artist he wants to be. he’s also a virgo and probably a perfectionist so this makes a lot of sense. he probably wants to get everything absolutely right before he shares his own music with us. 

Junmyeon: funniest member in exo. probably the smartest member in exo. the most dedicated member in exo. despite losing himself a little bit as the “too perfect leader suho” in the early years and being called boring and blahblahblah, junmyeon has really come into his own. he’s freely telling jokes no matter how cheesy they may be and he does what he wants and how he wants (i mean please reference all of his exomentaries that were just pure gold) there is no argument at all that kim junmyeon is his own person. i also feel like he puts the most effort into learning about the culture/language of wherever their current concert is. like he does his best to speak english and chinese during ments in foreign countries and that’s honestly so impressive despite people rarely recognizing him for it. 

Yifan: the most creative person. the most individualistic individual ever. i mean please. kriscasso. the galaxy. “not my style” kris wu yifan. HE HAD PURPLE EGGPLANT HAIR. HE ROCKED THE BALD LOOK TOO. LIKE IS THIS EVEN A QUESTION THAT KRIS WU YIFAN IS THE MOST CREATIVE INDIVIDUAL??? LIKE BRUH. and don’t even get me started on how smart he is too. he speaks like what? 57 languages? is that an exaggeration? yes. is it also kinda true? also yes. he is SMART. don’t downplay that just because he’s a bit of a klutz. like you honestly can’t convince me he’s not in ravenclaw. i’m 100% here for kris schooling everyone in hogwarts in any freaking course. 

Hufflepuff: Dedication, Patience, Loyalty

Yixing: like i said before, i used to be really convinced yixing was in slytherin. like his ambition alone trumps literally everyone else’s? his solo, his studio, his movies, his shows. literally zhang yixing does The Most. but luckily he’s been taking it more easy this year and focusing a lot on his health so i feel like his own ambition is below his loyalty to exo. so that’s why he’s a hufflepuff. yixing is the absolute epitome of dedication and loyalty. not once has he wavered or faltered in his love and presence as an exo member. exo always comes first. don’t you dare argue with me otherwise. zyx has never failed to express how much he is also an exo member despite all you naysayers (cough ot8 shitheads cough) give him shit for it. y’all can sit the fuck down because despite everything that has been thrown at him (losing friends, deteriorating health, constant criticism, people waiting for him to leave, people doubting him, blatant racism towards him as a chinese member) he has remained exo this entire time. so y’all better recognize that zhang yixing is loyal and dedicated as fuck. also patient because he lost a flash drive with 99+ of compositions but he still was the first to go solo with all his own songs SO BYE HATERS.  

Sehun: OH SEHUN IS THE KING OF LOYALTY. BYE. literally agreed upon by all members of exo that he is the most loyal to exo. constantly updates instagram with pictures of ot9 (don’t even get me started on the pic from new years 2k16 when they all purposefully included a seat for yixing who wasn’t there). like oh sehun loves exo more than exo-l’s okay. you can’t even fight that. but also oh sehun loves exo-l and he is so dedicated to reaching out to us as well. i mean, please? his sheer effort in learning chinese and english alone? he has improved sooooo fucking much and we all know that boy doesn’t like studying but he does it anyways because he likes being able to communicate with all of us. he is an amazing individual and nothing but pure to the bone. 

Jongin: kim jongin is the dancer extraordinaire but has injured himself the most (alongside yixing) his leg injuries throughout the years have been so fucking hard on him and yet he still heals and comes back to perform his very best for all of us. like if that isn’t the model example of patience and dedication, then idk what is? he’s also a sweetheart and loves exo-l’s and loves talking to us and playing games with us even if he’s not the most outgoing member in the group. he still tries and does his best just because he wants to. kim jongin is a fucking angel and if you don’t think his hufflepuff butt isn’t chilling by the kitchens at hogwarts sneaking pastries up to the common rooms with oh sehun (and sharing their stolen goods with zyx) then you are absolutely wrong. 

[paul-patts-blog]

Lauryl’s Wishlist and Resolutions

Berlioz

More Music Stuff: I’ve gotten to do stuff with Ber/music in the past but a lot of it has been me rping with me and sending him to festivals and concerts. I’d like to see him interact with some of the musically-inclined people in town-- maybe even collaborate? I have some subgoals for this:

Go to concert/festivals with another character: I think rping an arc would be so fun and I personally love concerts/festivals so.

Produce someone else’s music: Ber will be starting uni and having school projects...he will need guinea pigs.

Write more music blog stuff: I’ve done very few, rather casual posts in the past about artists Ber likes-- reviews etc. I would love to post more of this (maybe even through BDRP radio? /looks at radio)

Anxiety Arc: I really want Ber to start learning about his anxiety and working through it. Specifically, he needs to go to a therapist, haha.

Sexuality: Ber’s come a long way since I got him, but he still feels majorly ‘out of place’ in the LGBTQIA community. I’d like to explore more of those feelings somehow. I got a few ideas. 

Kiara

Discover her passions!! Kiara doesn’t really know what she wants to do with her life and I want her to try a bunch of stuff as she figures it out. So does your character have a cool hobby? Let Kiara do that cool hobby with ur character!

Race and Identity: one important thing for me when I got Kiara and picked Halsey was dealing with her struggle with her appearance and how she felt ‘out of place’ with the Lyons and as a POC in general. I’d like to explore this conflict more.

Continue to deal with her issues: Kiara needs to keep going to therapy and she needs to admit to herself she has problems that she is denying please my daughter. 

Best Friend to lovers: I think this trope would be rly good for Kiara because too often she sees people as “romantic options’ first and not as the people they really are. I would love a slow burn romance for Kiara that surprises both her and me, really.

Hades (oh boy)

Re-learn how to use his powers-- and maybe the way to do this is to like.. do something heroic tbh? instead of always burning people up and fuckin’ everyone UP. Yeah, I want Hades to do something heroic. 

Leave Swynlake: I want Hades story to take him away from Swynlake and back again

Chester

Pending tbh you will all see

Milla

Board stuff: specifically, I’d like to see Milla start enacting new strictures for magicks. I’d love for her to try to manipulate this type of stuff through the other board members

Get a magical object or something magical: Whether through the Merlin’s objects or otherwise, I would love Milla to actually seek magic herself.

MILF Reigns Supreme: I love exploring Milla’s sexuality-- it’s one of my fave things that i’ve done with her. I’d love her to get more boy toys (maybe even girl toys) and tbh, I would be open, if it’s right, to have that relationship get more complicated than just sex.

Miscarriage: That being said, this is a rather dark storyline but Milla is obsessed with control and to miscarry would be-- the opposite of having control. Anyone up for it?

Nala

RP her more in general lmao

Get her more female friends!! She really doesn’t have a lot of good female relationships (part of that is because many of her relationships have ended up dropping). But Nala deserves more friendships

Take Nala on dates! I also want Nala to try to date a little. She’s so work-focused, like lots of my characters, so this would be a new side to her that I haven’t gotten to explore

Have Nala literally kick ass/para with some sort of physical/action element to it: Okay so we say it jokingly, but after Nala’s surgery and recovery I’d love for her to actually whoop somebody’s ass even if it’s just while going back to kickboxing. Nala’s identity as an athlete is super important to her-- whenever I write about Nala’s relationship to her body, I get chills, because she loves her body so much and is so centered in it. So it would be fun to do a physical-heavy para.

Smut tbh for the same reasons as i just said.

Milo

Also rp him more in general lmao

Finish merlin’s objects/write more essays

Finish Cave Excavation-- find a Merlin’s object

Desk sex

Wow these are all so specific unlike my others

Explore his sexuality: Milo is definitely somewhere on the ace spectrum  (gray, demi what have u) and so exploring that with his girlfriend Jane (maybe she’s into it one night, he’s not, she wants to try stuff that he doesnt’... u know, just those kinds of conversations) would be really complicated and fun. As someone who is on the ace spectrum myself, It’s also kind of important to me to try to honor that side of him and acknowledge it in play-- along WITH the smut.

Slay a demon/be a hero: ok bc just think about nerdy milo thatch with his glasses all askew having accidentally saved the day. I love it.

Kiki

Get kidnapped: Kiki has powerful magic blood come get her

Break her broom

Best Friends to lovers/ slow burn romance: mentioning this for kiki too, since Kiki hasn’t been kissed ever and is very romantic, I’d love to play out a good ol’ teen romance with someone. But consideirng Kiki’s crazy hectic life, yeah, it’s gonna have to really evolve.

Rajah

TIGER OUT IN FRONT OF SOMEONE: For whatever reason-- to save them or because he’s scared or stressed or loses control.

Get injured: That being said, I’d love to have Raj get shot or get hurt while trying to do his job, mostly because Raj is a charge first, ask questions later type of guy but also because-- since he heals faster-- if he’s in the hospital, it could give him away. (Can anyone say hospital bREAK)

More friends! Raj has a few, but he needs 2 get out more smh

Introduce Jyoti to people: I want his little sister to come see him and I want Raj to have people to introduce her to! Jyoti will bring a lot of the past back to Raj’s life which he currently keeps super hidden.

Anita:

Biwakening. Make it happen.

Night on the town

One night stand tbh

Dating around-- specifically, blind date/double date with someone this would be hiLARIOUS for me

Stand up to someone (tbh Cruella)

Anita Explores Her Painting: Anita doesnt’ take her talent seriously and I want that to change. I’d love to do some more stuff with her art including--

Nude portraits anyone?

Anita teaches fingerpainting!! Anita gets her very own income and is thus empowered thru painting !!! ah!

Paint fight :D

More Volunteering: what i like about anita is that though she is an introvert, she loves to be involved in her community. If you have any town projects or somethin’ you need volunteers for, ask Anita!!

The Great Prince

Also get into a physical fight of some kind; i’d love for him to defend the forest or Bambi or somethin’ as the deer. I think RPing that would be really fun for me

Explore more areas of the forest: I’ve already started to invent some parts of the forest as I go, but I’d like to try to see if I can’t put Prince in some of these deeper parts. If your character wants to get lost in the woods-- hit me up.

Make more human connections/get in touch with his human side: Hopefully, Prince will be in town more and can make friends with people who are not animals haha.

Explore comic timing/situations with the Prince! The Prince doesnt’ know a lot about the human world-- like how to work technology-- so i want to put him in more situations where he is totally out of his element. The best way to do this will probably be with “The Great Prince Vs. Human-thing-here” starters. Be on the look out. (Or if u really want to have ur character help my poor deer son, message me).

Paul Pongo Patts

Okay he’s my newest babe so these r kinda repetitive from his app--

Start studying to maybe get into uni maybe ahhh my babe

Let himself go on dates: Paul kind of thinks that part of his life is over now that he has kids and he feels kind of guilty about that kind of stuff and so  I want him to go easy on himself. He deserves a night out and to feel like he is handsome, young and romantic bc darling u ARE handsome young and romantic.

That being said-- get wooed. Paul is a woo-er. Someone woo my woo-er.

Also mend things with Perdita/ rp them growing back together as friends and as two people who respect and care for each other and maybe-- just maybe-- lovers again.

DAD THINGS-- shopping for his kids, dealing with baby spit-up, babyproofing his apartment wow im like turned on by this lauryl calm ur eggs

Interact with Magicks: All KINDS of magicks please throw them at Paul

Consider illegal means of getting money… Paul has grown up around shady ppl and has since stayed clean of shady business himself. But that doesnt’ mean he doesn’t feel temptations. I’d like to exploooore those temptations.

My Character’s Personal Resolutions: 

Ber: “Don’t fuck up...anything.” 

Kiara: “lol” (tbh kiara is so lowkey depressed she liek?? has no resolutions help her) 

Hades: “Fix my mistakes.” 

Chester: pending

Milla: “Make Swynlake Great Again”

Milo: “Spend as much time as I can with Jane.”

Nala: “Get the Lyons Foundation off the ground / kick my physical therapy in the ass / be running by spring”

Rajah: “Repair things with my family. Live honestly-- be proud of who I am.” (ow raJJJ)

Kiki: “Make my family proud. Make Howl proud.” (ughh)

Anita: “Cause no more harm.” 

The Great Prince: “Be there for my son if he will have me.” 

Paul: “Be the greatest dad / provide for my kids.” 

[mojput-mypath]

Show must go on! (or how I became a star)

UTTER DISBELIEF

I CANNOT BELIEVE MY JOB IS TO LEARN MORE ABOUT ALL THE COOL THINGS THAT I REALLY LIKE. I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT I AM DOING THINGS I AM GOOD AT AND APPRECIATED FOR IT. I CANNOT BELIEVE I AM PAID TO BE USEFUL AND CREATIVE!

I've gone through some hard-core stuff in the past. I have had such a difficult time beginning of this summer. Is this now the reward? They say that after the storm, the sun shines. It is truly shining through and through for me right now.

I have serious reason to believe that I am in a very good place. Also, my horoscope looks nice. Ra-Sk-Gu. Soon to turn into Ra-Sk-Sa -> for those who can read the astrological-physics formulas. I again have good reason to believe the next few months spent in the Shadow of the Magnificent Saturn will just allow me to come closer to that beautiful empty, yet completely full space inside. When Saturn is around (a little app tells me when that is), I usually speak less, feel more, and just become generally more quiet and internal. My sadhana (meditation) becomes the most beautiful thing to do, and I can spend hours and hours just yogiying out. There is no boredom there. Only one thing I am not so sure I like is that Saturn makes me feel a tiny bit detached, in a way I feel far from people. A tiny bit of sadness keeps coming up in my heart and I can only bear it. Let us see this time how it will be, the sadness might be more bearable. Maybe it is time to transcend it, to see it, but not feel it deep in the hurting heart.

ARTISTE DELUXE

One more thing. I have finally opened up to handling that other people watch me and listen to me sing and play guitar. I know this sounds silly, as I have sung in front of close to or over a thousand people, on more than one occasion. Only at those moments, I kept my eyes closed, and even if they were opened, I kept a part of myself hidden and kept the outer rigidity to show for others. I have now almost completely relaxed to sing and play however, whatever, in front of whoever – and I must admit, it sounds amazing. It feels amazing. It is amazing.

Everything seems to have drastically changed since June. July and August were full of activities and the summer flew by as fast as lightning disappears in the night sky. All of a sudden I was chilling out at home/in Croatia. Beach, sun, forest, breeze, chatting, walking, cooking. All in good measure. Altogether, a period to remember, yet I do not recall much of it except when I make a great effort to tune back to what was.

Then, October. How did that happen? Jumping from June to October. This year brought me so much turmoil, so much doubt in myself, the organisation I felt so connected to, people, lifestyle, world, friends, family… Today to be swept away like none of it was ever there. Such doubt! Such agony! And now. Nothing of it. Like it never happened. I feel like a completely different person, with a completely different life. At the same time, it seems like nothing has changed. It even feels I am more of who I always was and less the personality I grew to exhibit in all these years. Are you following? Sometimes I feel I write in a cryptic way, yet to me it is all clear as quartz.

Is this sensation/feeling/state going to linger? I think yes. G says: when you take 10 steps forward, you can never go back to step 1. Maybe a couple steps of throwback happen, but you never go to the very beginning, the game keeps you a few fields ahead of yourself.

Ukuleles in a shop Freiburg, I might even get me one of these!

BLAST FROM THE PAST

My sad kid story is alcohol and drug-abuse, unnecessary drug-drunk relations. It is not a story of a street thug life nor domestic violence nor abuse. It is just a regular story of divorced parents and living through a bit of war that later resulted as me being the violent one. Many stories I know are far, far worse than mine. Yet, I feel mine is meaningfully terrible to me. I cannot underestimate my experience, even if I rationally chose to. I feel I had an emotionally crap childhood. Parents’ divorce hit me harder than I would ever wish to admit. To this day a ball of anger rises in my chest when I hear of parents being selfish, rather than selfless to the core, in regard to their kids. Yes, I do know each and every life follows a law, as a river needs to flow between two banks. Whatever we do or want, will not necessarily determine what actually happens. I do know. Yet, my heart wants to protect the little “victim me” I see in others.

Then the war. My mother kept me protected as is rarely seen in these situations. Kept us protected by the strength she exhibited in that 3-year period we spent with booms and bangs, running to shelters at odd times. We knew that this is not a normal life situation where you should defy your parents. We obeyed instructions like little soldiers. What she said to do was just law that needed to be followed. It made me feel secure and safe. I felt she knew what to do, and how that fact would keep us away from harm. I remember the exact moment where that strength faltered. It was the exact same moment we left the war-stricken city of Zadar.

The other protection she provided for us was the neutrality she kept, very sincerely, towards, what the media called, the aggressor. I did not feel there was any aggressor. I knew the people fighting had no choice but to fight, even though I could not understand why they were fighting. All the stupid stuff I have ever uttered about the war in my later age was a copy-paste of society and television expressions – but none of it had come from my mother.

Later on, after having changed few cities in a few years, I ended up to be amongst the bad students. It was hard to follow the school programs when you change school every half year. I later felt we were just lazy kids, but now if I look into it, it was more that it was just difficult to cope with all the changing of schools and teachers, systems and kids. We were always the odd ones, and you know how kids can be mean when someone is “different”. I can actually say that I was bullied at school for speaking in a different dialect. I mean, insulted and beaten. Not severely, though. Yet, I always thought that was kind of normal. It was not.

DRUGS ARE NOT SO BAD

Similar with drugs, I always thought it is normal for youth to take drugs, was it not? I came across another person’s story recently, he was more into gang stuff and drugs, but I could totally relate to the story, it was very similar to mine. That reminded me how my story is not ordinary or average. The people I chose to associate with were not so average. What I also found common was that most of the rebel kids were more from well-off families, but also from poor and abusive ones. I have been associated with the Art of Living prison programs and I felt a natural connection to the “naughtiest” of society. I always wanted to work with youth in juvenile prisons, as I felt I can relate to them so easily. I used to be proud of taking drugs from the early age of 13 (LSD and weed at the time), like I was progressive. Now it seems there is not much reason to be proud of trying to ruin my body and mind at the age when the body is still developing.

From a delicate kid, traumatised by divorce, war and bullying, having used sex and drugs to cope – I grew up to have a mission of “saving the world”. At least I think what I do is helping. It seems to help. Some science people say it does. And people here smile a lot. You could also say that I turned to “religion”, because of my drug-alcohol-related past. Maybe. Maybe not.

I always had the ability to chameleon and I think so many things I am interested in are generally weird to people, yet I, myself, I hope, at least do not seem like a complete weirdo. Even though I really am. I listen to Tommy Cash, dude. And I do Art of Living. And healing. I have a Guru. (He’s really cool.) 

Super (cute) G

I don’t speak to my dad so often, but am not super upset with him, just a little tired of his monologues that include attempts of ego-crushing for me. I re-discovered a huge admiration for my mom, with whom I had not such a very close connection at some point earlier in my life. So, everything changes. No way to know what life will bring along.

FORMER CELEBRITY LIFE

I even took part in a youth documentary covering topics like civil freedom, gender equality, addictions, activism etc. called “Direkt”. Needless to say my sister and I starred in a show themed young alcoholics. We shared our story how we have been drinking regularly for many years (it was 2004 and I was 21 – the next year I did my first Breathe SMART course in Art of Living). The same got an award at a Croatian documentary festival (Zagrebdox), which was, as a consequence, shown in smaller cinemas across the country (yes, my mother had seen it as well). I remember getting a call from someone I knew, she told me: “People told me you would be great for a documentary on alcohol.” I was so proud. I was known for having a long-term alcoholic carrier at the age of 21. Someone wanted to film me drinking and talking about booze.

Former addicts, today’s ashram divine sisters

I smile at all this today, but I also think it is fascinating how proud I was of being successful at something, and was well known for it. For my drinking carrier!

How did I think that was alright? How did I think it was a little out of the “average” how I lived?

Well, today I live and want to continue living in an ashram and follow the teachings of a Master. The difference is that now I am well aware it is not quite normal. 

I was always cool, only the reason changed. Don’t you think I’m cool? If you didn’t like me one bit, you would probably not be reading so far, so thank you for supporting me. Love you back, darlings!

Wouldn’t you love to live here?

LINKS IN THIS BLOG:

https://vimeo.com/105639064

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2zx2i93R44

https://obljetnica.hrt.hr/leksikon/d/direkt/

http://zagrebdox.net/en