#the background over seven year periods) is like 'I don't think so... =_='

[bumblingbabooshka]

How many times do you think Tuvok used the Tarkalean flu excuse before Janeway started going "Hmm..." Seven years is a long time and I'm certain that the first few times Tuvok got the 'flu' Janeway didn't remember or think much of it. Especially depending on how common the Tarkalean flu is (it'd be much less notable if it was the equivalent of being out sick with 'a cold') At what point do you think Janeway went "Let me make a note of this..." and then the next time his 'flu' rolled around, seven years later, she went back to confirm that note. But a good scientist needs more consistent results than that - so it really took a third period of seven years to fully cement this knowledge as fact in her mind. Meanwhile Tuvok's making detailed psychological notes on her. They're a perfect team!

[lwh-writing]

I was just contemplating Fullmetal Alchemist (as one does), thinking about the absolute peak hilarity that is Ed, Al, and Havoc, the certified Country Boys(TM), teaming up to bully Mustang, the certified City Boy(TM), when I was struck with an epiphany.

Riza Hawkeye is the OG Country Girl.

Like....

Lived in the middle of nowhere with her father in a 1900ish setting. In THAT time period and THAT location, she and Hawkeye Sr. would've had to have at least a homestead type of deal. Something small that they could work on and live off of on their own, unless they hired farmhands (which I doubt).

So a two-person homestead. I would love to claim they cultivated dairy to go with Arakawa's background, but to make that livable, it would be too many cows for 2 people to realistically handle on their own. So either they did a smaller animal, like, say, sheep and goats, or they harvested corn, wheat, or tobacco. Midwesterner here, so let's say corn and wheat.

Anyway, Riza and her father living it rough on a homestead.

Money's a bit tight at times, but Hawkeye Sr. can take care of most of the repairs with his alchemy, so they always get by.

They've got chickens, two cows, and a lovely mare who pulls the cart whenever they need to go to town.

Three-year-old Riza being super excited about feeding the chickens for the very first time, giggling and squealing with joy as she throws feed everywhere.

Five-year-old Riza walking five miles into town to attend classes at the little one-room schoolhouse. There are a little more than thirty total students, only eight of which are anywhere near her age.

Seven-year-old Riza holding back tears when Hawkeye Sr. teaches her how to pluck and prep a fresh chicken. She can do it all on her own with a dry eye by the time she's eight.

Eleven-year-old Riza finding a goat one day on the farm, and after checking with the neighbors to see if they're missing one, decides she might as well keep it.

This is a mistake. The goat and Riza are mortal enemies. The thing will refuse to stop nipping at Riza whenever she goes out to milk it. But it keeps giving milk and sneaking away only to come back with baby goats, so she's left to suffer in silence.

Twelve-year-old Riza waking up at dawn in the summer to go detassel corn. Comes back around noon with scrapes all up and down her arms and eats enough to feed an army.

Thirteen-year-old Riza learning how to shoot and being known as the best shot for miles around before the year is up.

Fourteen-year-old Riza coming home from school only to find a sharp-looking, sweet-talking, soft-handed City Boy who her father claims is going to be his alchemist apprentice from now on.

Riza despairing about Roy-Fucking-Mustang and his complete and utter incompetence at everything that isn't alchemy. The boy can't cook, can't hunt, and wouldn't know the first thing about farm animal care if Bessie the Demon Goat bit him in the eye.

Eventually, Riza puts Mustang on cleaning and laundry duty, because that, at least, he can do. (Thank God for his three-dozen sisters and their insistence that Roy pulls his weight with chores.)

Riza's schoolhouse friends sighing over "that handsome Roy" and Riza blanches because she could never see herself falling for someone who thought milking the cows hurt them somehow. (It doesn't. Refusing to milk an animal is extremely harmful to the critter involved, and it's very likely that they could get an infection and seriously injure themselves and/or die. Don't let the radicalized vegans fool you)

Riza, to her chagrin, does develop a crush on Roy-Fucking-Mustang, who wouldn't know farm animal care if Bessie the Demon Goat bit him in the eye.

Roy, for his part, has long been crushing on Riza Hawkeye, the swol farmer's daughter who could pick him up with one hand a shoot a goose out of the sky with the other.

Neither admits it though because Roy has long since embarrassed himself past the point of no return, and Riza has complained too much to the folks in town that if she were to romance Roy now.... Well. Ain't either of the kids going to make the first move, so no move is made.

Fast forward a decade or so and Team Mustang is investigating something in the country.

Ed, Al, and Havoc are giving Mustang shit about approaching a horse wrongly and how there ain't no fancy cars out here.

Roy tries to refute it and shut them down, but Riza snorts and idly says something about him still not knowing jack about farming despite living on hers for two years.

Riza exposes Roy. Ed, Al, and Havoc rejoice. Roy despairs about his secrets being out, and Maes demands any and all pictures once he finds out.

And that's how Roy Mustang spent the rest of his days being bullied by four blond-haired Country Folk(TM).

[whetstonefires]

If Steve Rogers functions as the Superman of the bunch, the noble hero out of the past who inspires the others to greatness, what exactly is Bucky Barnes role, especially as Captain America himself?

I don't think that's a very meaningful analogy because like. The Justice League and the Avengers are very different teams, and despite their fairly similar ethics Clark and Steve are possibly even more different guys.

Captain America's is a solid general all-rounder, very mid-level in terms of actual power. Problems are frequently too big for him. Superman is stupid strong--every so often something shows up that's more powerful than he is, but he spends most of his life finessing his way through using as much force as he needs without overshooting and causing unacceptable collateral damage. He can move planets.

Psychologically, there's a vast gulf there.

The legacy of Krypton and the, the myth of America are roughly the same shape but are worn in completely opposite ways. No one on Earth knows or cares about Krypton except through Superman, and even he doesn't remember it--sometimes Kara does--so it's just pretty shapes and a deep solemnity.

America is messy and current and in-your-face, it was there before Steve and it'll probably outlive him and sometimes he gets so fed up with its foreign policy decisions or civil rights abuses he puts on a different outfit or goes and lives in a bunker.

'Superman' is a big idea that rests entirely on Kal-El as a person and as a force; 'Captain America' as a concept might be built on Steve and his supersoldier status but it's not dependent on him, they keep making a point of that.

Meanwhile they've made Jon Superman but struggle mightily with how to do that without just making him his dad. Of course they'd be struggling less if they'd let him grow up at a normal speed or were willing to lean into what a fucking bizarre person he ought to be after seven years in a cave with his dad's evil twin; basically Jon Kent doesn't have a character right now and they think he can hold up a title. But actually they know he can't that's why they brought Clark back. Superman is a disaster right now.

So anyway. In classic terms, Bucky was the counterpart of Jimmy Olsen. Then he died--I believe this was established in a retcon in the 60s when they brought Cap back, when Marvel was getting its feet under it as the grounded, realistic superhero comic company.

Then Bucky and Jason Todd both came back in 2005 which was kind of embarrassing for everyone imo. Just like. Did you have to do that at the same time you're making each other's cheap stunts look even more stuntlike.

Bucky's actually done better over the last 18 years than Jason tbh, rip--I mean in terms of interesting stories and development. Jason got his own book and all, he just also was subjected to terrible discontinuity of character and was primarily written by Scott Lobdell for like a decade. Terrible.

In terms of who he can be compared to relative to Superman when he's being Captain America, I. Uhhhhhh. No one in any useful way, I don't think. The obvious place to look is the Death of Superman/Reign of the Supermen period, but like.

Does Bucky have anything really in common with Cyborg Superman other than being a traumatized cyborg? No. Does he have anything in common with The Kid (later Kon-El)? You'd think there'd be something but there really isn't. Each point they have in common (i.e. dehumanizing lab background) they have diametrically opposed relationships to.

Steve's had duplicates and impersonators, I think the anti-commie guy he beat up that time is kind of like his Cyborg Superman equivalent? Except there's a whole political ideology thing going on there which is just not present with Superman. Anyway, not relevant to Bucky.

...you can I think draw some kind of relationship between Sam Wilson as Captain America and John Henry Irons as Steel, because on the writing end of things there's a definite flavor match, in terms of very deliberately creating a very cool black man and holding him up as an exemplar in a superhero story that otherwise has not got a lot of black people in major roles, and making him the best person to uphold the legacy of the Very Important Hero Guy. Like certain conventions are utilized the same in both instances. In certain ways that was two versions of the same story.

But also not really; Irons was very much pinch-hitting and what made him the best was that he was the one determined to do the work rather than claim the glamor; it's a lot more ceremonious and torch-passing with Wilson. A different deal. Although in some ways that's just because Marvel has hung onto and deliberately invested in the Falcon for decades.

DC Comics stop doing weird stuff with Clark's family and identity and reinvest in the supporting cast challenge. Where is Steel what's going on with him. Does he exist in this timeline.

[fourseasonscomeandgo]

yoohyeon gf headcanons

TW: cursing

you've been crossing paths for years now

she never dared to talk to you

she's not very good at keeping secrets so you knew she had a crush on you, but you were too timid to make a move

literally started dating just because sua appeared one day, tapped your shoulder and went "my friend has had the biggest crush on you for like four years so can i get your number?"

she was and is the shyest

does dorky stuff and gets embarrassed afterwards as if she wasn't a member of dreamcatcher

she depends on moods, one days she wakes up and decides she doesn't need you or your affection, and just goes about her day with her independence

other days she's literally a leech and you have her over you all the time

those are your favorite days

you make fun of her because she wakes up at seven am to read economy books and drink coffee with jazz music on the background

but you just make fun of her cause you can't assume to her face you actually find that really attractive

she doesn't like being teased by you tho

you're her partner, so naturally she's more vulnerable with you

yoohyeon needs to hear you say that she's doing great, that she's smart, that you love her and all of those beautiful qualities

so she gets all pouty when you call her clumsy

it's not to pick up on her, she really is clumsy

but people exaggerates it, she's actually the brain of the relationship

you love to watch her while she reads, studies or practices an instrument

more than anything, you love to listen to her singing

virgin mariah (carey) borrowed her voice to her i swear

pie is actually your partner, you know no kim yoohyeon

no zoophilia tho

i mean you go around with the little friend everywhere all the time

she shuts down when she gets mad

when we pull up you know it's a shut down

she didn't grow up in an environment in which she seemed to be able to talk about her feelings, so when she's angry or sad, she doesn't let it out

even tho you have talked with her about it and tried to create a space for her to open up, it's just not in her

she does try, and you're thankful for that

so a lot of fights cause you never know what's going on in her head

so many deep talks about growing as humans, finding your true selves, being nice and loving people, selfishness and how to get rid of it, and another similar stuff

her brain, the small part you understand, fascinates you

she sees the world in another light, a kinder and more liberating light

she may be up to an open relationship but let's be honest who would be stupid enough to not GATEKEEP this woman

idc about sounding toxic, she's fucking yours

she is very sexually sensitive, horny 24/7

you go on trips all the time cause she loves to travel, so even if it's just an hour in car, you go exploring the world together

she prefers going out for dates, but if you propose her a gaming night, she'll ditch everything for it

the first time she stayed at your house for more than a night was because she didn't want to go till she'd win a game in lol

when you're sad or upset she panics

she doesn't even know how to deal with her own emotions, how would she deal with someone else's?

she just gives you your space when you're mad and then tries to talk when you're calmer

when you're sad she hugs you and while she thinks of something else that may help you, you just get better

don't get the wrong idea, yoohyeon and you have the deepest bond you two has ever had with anyone, you two are best friends

yeah, you were hot, and yeah, she may have thought a few times about you as her partner, but before even calling yourself her anything she needed to be sure you were her friend

she did kiss you and more during that becoming friends period, she's not very patient, she already waited for years, don't judge the woman!

if you two don't think the same in social/political/existential topics that may cause fights too

she says sweet nothings to you in like eleven different languages

and that's so fucking hot, be thankful

she likes that you are polite and smart the most

you both support each other in all of your projects, and that's something yoohyeon values deeply from you

she literally supports you in everything, you could appear and be like "baby i want to tattoo a goat screaming on my forehead" and she'll be like "if that makes you happy…"

she loves you so much she could explode

calls you "baby", "jagi", "honey"

she melts a little everytime you call her absolutely any pet name, she does have a weak heart for "puppy" for some reason

getting lost in her smile and her getting shy cause you're staring too much

she stares at you literally any moment you're not looking in her direction

getting teased by the members all the damn time

you belong with her, you both just know

—O—O—

no one asks me dreamcatcher pieces anymore (my requests are closed btw, please leave me alone, i have so much to write already) so i had to take this matter in my own hands and i did this.

just wanted to clarify that yoohyeon is my girlfriend and i did this for my own maladaptive daydreaming, so don't be looking at other people's women.

—ica.

[lediz-watches]

Podcast: Weird Medieval Guys

Another podcast, because it's consumed my brain over the last week.

Weird Medieval Guys started as a Twitter account (go off, Musk), but is now also a bi-weekly podcast starring Olivia (the Twitter creator) and Aran (the historian she bribed with a platform to rant about Constantinople). Every couple of weeks, they gather together on Olivia's living room floor to academically gossip about medieval life, loves, and nonsense.

Because people have always been nonsensical, and that's amazing.

I found it through another podcast that I will one day do a post about (I need to... come to terms with why I love it) called We Can Be Weirdos, in which Olivia came on and caught my attention with her passion for the legal debates people got into about heraldry, and her willingness to admit that medieval people were just as petty and ridiculous as we are now.

Because that's the thing, and which I think this podcast shows so well: people have always just been people.

The world we exist in has evolved. Technology has marched on, our ways of interacting with each other have changed, and we have different values, different things we consider important, but we're still the same, really. We think of the past as this noble and dirty and incorruptible space, but people were making sex jokes and lame puns for a hundred thousand years. We aren't special just because we can blast our lame humour to seven billion people at a time.

But anyway.

Each episode of the podcast takes the form of a loose essay, Aran lecturing Olivia (or occasionally vice versa) on some topic about the medieval period, and don't get me wrong - they are lectures. There are stupid jokes, Aran loves to play different characters, Olivia giggles constantly, and the point of each one is that medieval people were Just Like Us, but Aran is an academic talking about research. Yes, his area of expertise is a later period, but the skills remain.

And to be clear, I am a recovering cultural studies student who until recently has been out of academic life and away from other academics for over a decade. But I suspect this is not a podcast you can walk into without some academic-adjacent background. They discuss articles and a lot of their humour is based in inference and the kind of irony you see in people who debate reality for a living.

But they are also redditors, and Twitter natives, and talk about their subjects as 'based'. Aran loves to call people King and Queen. They bring their subject matter to the now.

The most recent podcast was about medieval Welsh bards, and they read out a rap (flyte) battle between two of them (Olivia's bard totally won, I don't care what you say), and finished on the DIRTIEST poem I have ever heard (seriously, ugh), and it taught me a lot about Wales' history, which I've never really known much about, so thank you for that. But it was great to hear all this poetry and these poets and put them in a context where you can strip back the language and see them for the frustrated, young, often horny, very human people they were. Also I loved the owl poem and must search it out because I grew up next to koala tress and boy, I feel you.

The episode before that was about medieval animals, and while it was fun to hear about hedgehogs and the bestiary, it also contained a beautiful insight into why we use animals as narrative devices. The only downside is that I'm still on the edges of the Hellverse fandom and started analysing furry culture and honestly, no one needs that in their life...

But my FAVOURITE episode so far is part two of their Constantinople episode, where they described the Ottoman leader Mehmed as so... painfully human. Even as his soldiers ransacked a once-glorious city and he chased a mad dream, he was just so lost and passionate and terrible and... Aran described him so beautifully, I was just swept up in the story.

So yes. Although there are a few hiccups along the way (please please please go back and fix the episodes with the overlapping voice tracks it hurt my ears so bad), if you have even a passing interest in history or culture or what makes humans human, check out this podcast.

Because we're just people. We've always just been people. And that's amazing.

[hussyknee]

In which I throw myself a pity party.

Once in a while I remember that my anger issues are part of my Complex PTSD and wonder whether that's still a personal failing if it's a mental illness symptom. Like, one of my cardinal beliefs is that your actions due to mental illness may not be your fault but they are your responsibility, and no one owes you more patience and forbearance than they can afford to give. But it's not easy to separate that from "fault". Especially when I'm so goddamn ashamed of it.

I feel like part of taking responsibility would be to go to therapy and work on fixing myself (word choice intentional— I feel like I'm broken and dangerous to other people) except I'm to overwhelmed and depressed and traumatised to figure out how. My last therapist made me so suicidal I had to be hospitalised.

Also like. I'm wondering whether it's worth trying because I never stay fixed. I think I'm stable and then I lose everything I've gained and destroy even more relationships become worse than ever. It's like Sisyphus except if he thought the boulder wouldn't go down all the way this time except it would roll down even further and crush every hope he'd painstakingly built on the way. Attempting to get better just seems like an invitation to go through all that loss and shame afresh. I don't think I've really mourned everything and everyone I've lost already.

My particular neurodivergence works as "out of sight out of mind" and I'm used to going long periods without human interaction anyway because I was isolated and very ill for years, so the missing just sort of fades into the background unless I really think about how much I miss them, which hurts like a motherfucker, so I just don't. So far I've lost all my dreams of a career, most of my closest friends, my marriage, my in-laws I was close to and their children I loved, my dogs (my boy died four years ago and my agoraphobia stops me visiting them at my ex's for months), most of my relatives (long story but I begged them for help and they vanished) and my two cats. Of all those it's the animals I hurt over most tbh. The only two people I knew for certain loved me, my Dad and my mother-in-law, both died, and they feel like old wounds that feel fresh only occasionally. I'm back to having a relationship with my sister since Mum's stroke last year but some days I wonder whether the four years I had gone no contact wasn't better.

I don't know. Caring about things just means losing them to me. Not them dying but losing their love, or them moving out of reach. I think that's why I have an easier time caring for animals. I don't lose their love before they die. They also seem to be the only things I don't destroy myself in some way. For all my self-pity it's me who drove most of my friends away because I didn't know how to handle being loved.

This is pretty maudlin and wallow-y but that's just one more thing I can't seem to help. I think it's just worse rn because I turn thirty-seven in three days. It feels like sliding down a deep, dark well a little more every day, and I don't know how to get out.

[groenendaelfic]

Regarding the Fate of As Long as We Have Each Other

Dear Anons,

First let me say that I absolutely love your wonderful messages and compliments. They give me life and I treasure them and few things cheer me up more than a nice word or two about my fics and knowing I'm not just typing into the void.

I'll keep trying my best to answer asks if they include questions or bring up interesting points others might be interested in as well (in fact there are quite a few I have been putting off answering because I want to do it properly and that'll probably take an hour or two each, but I haven't forgotten about them!) and you can always message me with other stuff so I don't have to answer publicly (although admittedly it sometimes takes a while for me to reply because irl and anxiety), and I don't want to sound ungrateful, but please,

PLEASE stop sending me melodramatic asks regarding the fate of As Long as We Have Each Other. I get that you are impatient, but they aren't helpful and I got eight of them over the past ten days.

Don't get me wrong, a 'btw I still love that fic, will there be an update anytime soon?' is totally okay and appreciated, those are not the kind of asks I'm talking about.

Now I'm not sure if it's one anon or multiple ones, but my answer hasn't changed so let me copy/paste it from a previous post:

I have decided to finish A Pack of Two first,

Not because I love it more, but because it'll be a MUCH 'shorter' fic than ALaWHEO and I simply cannot keep switching between feral!Wille pov and official boyfriend!Simon pov, especially because both have a very narrow pov and are only aware of like a third of what's going on, and it's driving me bananas.

So yes, As Long as We Have Each Other is going on a short break, but I will definitely get back to it once APoT is done because I'm as enthusiastic about the story as I was on day one, maybe even more so.

ALaWHEO is my favorite fic across all of my fandoms and my baby, but I simply cannot write both it and APoT at the same time. I thought I could or else I wouldn't have started APoT, but I can't and so I had to make a choice.

If it helps, both my notes doc and my outline for ALaWHEO have grown significantly over the past seven weeks and it will definitely end up being over 400k, but only AFTER APoT is done.

Also in all my 23 years of being in fandom (in fact my fandom anniversary will be in 4 days! wtf is time even?) I have only ever given up on posting one fic that made it over 20k and that was because the fandom was an absolutely toxic dumpster fire and not because I lost interest, and even that fic I one day plan to go back to and post in its entirety once the fandom has shrunken considerably and all the 'I might not speak the language or have ever been to the country, but I've read a fan translation with footnotes and a few background posts and so now I totally know the time period and topic you've written your thesis on better than you' people have lost interest. So I promise ALaWHEO will get finished. I'm a completionist. I have all Civ6 steam achievements and believe me that was not fun. The only reason ALaWHEO will not be finished is if I am suddenly for whatever reason unable to write anymore (aka dead or gravely ill).

Anyway. Sorry for the rant. I don't want to call anyone out or seem unappreciative, but my anxiety can only handle so many versions of 'have you completely abandoned ALaWHEO? do you hate it? do you hate me personally for once stating that I didn't like abo fic? I don't know how my poor heart will be able to cope if you give up on ALaWHEO forever and ever but my hope lives on' (no that was not as much of an exaggeration as you might think)

So please stop or I'll disable anon asks, which I'd hate to do because I love hearing everyone's thoughts and comments and also it'd be unfair to everyone else who has been so absolutely lovely, motivating, encouraging and most of all inspiring.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk. (are those still a thing?)

[bookwyrminspiration]

Keefe definitely sees the Elven world differently now that he has lived in the human world. The Elven world always irritated me in a way because the adults seem so young. Most elves have hardly dealt with anything complicated or difficult, so they seem to be very young emotionally. They are always happy or excited, which is particularly irritating to see. The human world is a lot more complex than the Elven world, as humans have to deal with disease, assault, and death a lot more often than elves do. Their feelings are also a lot more complex, as the elves only seem to feel happy, sad and jealousy. I think Keefe will go back to the Lost Cities, then realize that he has outgrown the Lost Cities. He wants to go back to the complexity of human emotions, and their complex societal systems. I think he should talk to Sophie about this, as she would most certainly understand where he is coming from. Perhaps she could bond with him over this.

I agree, I doubt everything that happened in that period of his life can be passed off, the matter is just what changed about him and to what extent. We don't know what he experienced, so knowing what he's learned and how it impacted him is difficult.

One question I have is whether Keefe could be said to ever belong to the Lost Cities, and if he can truly outgrow them if they were never his. The Lost Cities, while his only home, aren't a place he fits. It hasn't been kind to him, nor him to it (although in different ways than other characters, like Dex and the twins). He has no particular attachment to it that I can see (he's not close with many people) and little problem leaving it behind.

Another is whether Keefe would prefer complexity or ease in emotion. While human emotions may be more complex, they're sensed through the air. Is that, even if he wants it, a sustainable option to pick? He's already gone partially numb, and Sophie spent seven years of her life in misery from the constant barrage of thoughts; emotions can't be much better. Even if elves can be said to be inferior emotionally, is the peace of mind more valuable than risking himself?

I do think it's a valuable bonding opportunity with plenty of potential. Even the few weeks he had is more than all her other friends (Fitz just visited from the sidelines), and it's a common ground she only shared with Forkle, who never says anything on it. Some of the things he now knows may give him insight on what it's like to be Sophie, who has a completely different set of knowledge and background than everyone around her. She may also be able to further explain some of his experiences and provide context/guidance for them.

I hope we get to learn more about his experiences in the Lost Cities, because while I understand that he needed to leave to process and separate himself from everyone, at the same time everything happening with him was made very important to the plot, so having this huge gap is a tad annoying. I mean, he left afraid to speak a word and comes back numb with full sentences. I'd like to see the bridge between those two.

[cyberhai]

What is Chinooks relationship with the other winds like? Oh and his relationship with bladewolf and armstrong if you don't mind.Sorry if I go a bit off topic,I just want to talk about how cool and stylish you made him look.

Man looks stylish as fuck with his glasses but I like on how he wears them to help with his migraines. Two reasons to wear cool as hell glasses.

Chinook's character design is *mwah* chefs kiss.(I'm a sucker for good character design if you can tell.)

Also,love your art btw. I feel your struggle of getting used to digital art.

To sum it up,chinook is amazing and I want to give him a hug.

Ok,that's all I have to say,your oc is awesome.

RAAAAAAARRRGGGGHHH Sorry this took a thousand years to answer, I am still Inventing Chinook Lore. This was a fun question though!!!! And I'm so glad you think he's purty 😎

Relationships!

Bladewolf

He’s not quite sure whether to treat Wolf like a machine or a living thing. Nevertheless, he loves jokingly testing the extent of Wolf’s intellect by asking him irritatingly specific questions (“What happens at 1:24:57 of Django Unchained?”).

Mistral

Best described as MLM/WLW Hostility. Most of their frenemyship involves them bullying each other. But if they’re training a platoon together and he blacks out from a migraine, within five seconds, she’ll have the room cleared, a cold compress on his head and be calling for backup. They’re mean as fuck to each other. But they’re homies :D

Monsoon

To say the least, their relationship confuses the fuck out of everyone. Do they have something going on? Are they just work buddies? Sometimes they can be spotted sitting shoulder to shoulder despite Chinook's touch aversion, marking up a map of their next target together. Other times they're bickering like an old married couple. More than one time Chinook has crashed out and fallen asleep on him flying back to base. Then again, Chinook does that to just about everyone. Most Desperados have adrenal enhancements that allow them to stay awake for longer periods of time without rest, but not Chinook. He's much more machine than Sam, but not as much as his fellow Winds. Thus, he is a sleepy fuck.

They've been spotted on a few weekend trips to DC together, seemingly unrelated to work. But, hey, they could just be scoping out the Pentagon.

Sundowner

These two are total bros. They’re both former Army, Chinook was a combat medic and Sunny D was a grunt, so they bond over shared experiences and swapping war stories. Chinook keeps up a pretty professional demeanor unless he and Sundowner are in the same room. Many a time one of them has been leading training or giving potential customers or recruits a tour of their facility, only for it to be interrupted by the other running up and slapping him upside the head. Chinook sort of bounces off his energy when they're around each other and swears 3x more than usual.

Their dynamic was inspired by some of the drill sergeants and NCOs I trained under during my very brief military experience, they were always messing with each other. One second our senior drill sergeant is smoking the platoon because someone mouthed off in formation, then third platoon’s drill sergeant creeps up behind him and kangaroo kicks him in the ass, then they’re giggling and fistfighting while us trainees are dying in the halfway down pushup position. I miss those mfs. 🥲

Jetstream Sam

Chinook was the one who designed and helped install Sam's arm. They're not AS close as the rest, as Sam's still relatively new, but they clicked pretty fast after the initial Arm Incident. Chinook is a big military history nerd, so he was eager to learn about Sam's samurai family background. They meet up to spar sometimes, whether for actual practice or just for shits and giggles. They're mostly evenly matched in terms of speed and strength, but seven times out of ten their fights still end in Chinook getting his ass handed to him.

Senator Armstrong

Chinook, despite having spent a significant portion of his life working for the government, distrusts and dislikes politicians, and by default is VERY leery of Armstrong. He is civil to him, figuring if the Winds are cool with Armstrong, then he’s gotta be cool with Armstrong too. But the iffiness is still very much there.

[eddiemsbitch]

Eddie The Banished to the rescue - Eddie x Reader

Summary: After the group notices your distance and a change in your demeanor, Eddie is determined to get to the bottom of it and get his little lamb back.

Warnings: Some sappy shit, fluff

You had been in hellfire since freshman year, now going into your senior year, being held back in sophomore you were a nineteen year old senior, but nobody in the club made that known because they knew you hated talking about it. Losing Will was hard, you weren't his sister but you were with Johnathon at the time so you saw him as a brother, and it effected you so much it distracted you from your school work. Being in The Hellfire club for so long you watched people come and go and you watched how bad the bullying got towards the club as everybody got older. Along with you watching the others grow up the boys watched you grow up, and learned your body language so whenever you started calling out of campaigns and becoming alot more retreated again, you knew they knew something was wrong.

A week before..

Laying in your bed you watched the clock tick farther past nine, Tommy should've been here by now, you knew he couldn't use the basketball game as his excuse because you knew it ended at seven thirty. Sighing loudly you looked towards you knocked over bookbag, crumbled pieces of paper scattering the floor around it, notes you had passed with the group during first period. The Hellfire club was more than upset with you saying you wouldn't make it again, Eddie being beyond pissed about it. See you and Eddie had a very close friendship, yes you were just as close with the others but Eddie was more protective, more enthralled with you, you were the first girl who expressed that you deserved to be in hellfire, after your first week of being in the club though Eddie realized, you may be a fucking badass in campaigns, but you were the opposite in your real life, always quiet, hell you wouldn't even say the club's name until your second year of playing, your parents were very, protective over you, trying to shelter you from any 'evil' in the world. You loved the Hellfire club though, you never thought of it as 'evil' and that was the only reason you were allowed to play it. Whenever your parents found out about your boyfriend, Tommy they freaked, Tommy was an asshole, to everybody including you, he was your parents definition of evil, you didn't believe them though, too naïve in your first relationship to care what anybody had to say. After the clock in your living room chimed for midnight the landline in your room rang loudly, quickly picking it up you answered sighing "Hello? y/n speaking." You said into the phone, anger bubbling up whenever you heard the basketball team's laughter in the background, cheering your boyfriend on to do something. "Y/n..Listen-" You cut Tommy off, you were upset, you canceled on Hellfire to go out with him and he ditched you for his asshole friends "You ditched me and made me miss Hellfire! You could've at least called and I could've made it to Eddie's Campaign" You argued quietly not wanting to wake your older or younger siblings. "I dunno if I want you in that cult anymore, Y/n. Or around that freak" Tommy growled, his tone growing lower and more agitated "Eddie is not a freak! and the Hellfire club is not a cult!" You yelled hearing even more laughing through the phone "Woah, you don't have to be a crazy bitch" He huffed "n-No! no i-i'm sorry" You whispered, you weren't sure why you were apologizing, but you didn't want Tommy mad at you "No. I don't think this is gonna work. I mean. you're fucking crazy" Tommy laughed before hanging the phone up. You laid in bed staring at the ceiling letting the phone fall out of your hand hitting the floor, that was two years of your life down the drain, like it was joke.

present..

You rushed into the bathroom, you hadn't really spoke to anybody from Hellfire since that night Tommy ended things, and here they were calling for you from down the hall, hiding in the stall you slammed it shut, closing your eyes letting out a sob. The basketball team was making your life hell, they told everybody in the school you were crazy and word got around fast, so did the rumors. You were terrified of what the club thought of you, they all probably hated you and thought you were as crazy as everybody said you were, but you weren't you were just defending Eddie and your club.

Eddie was beyond worried, he wouldn't admit it because you were waaay to pure to be in a relationship with but he loved you, he had since you walked up to him in freshman year demanding you were let in his club or you'd cut his hair into a 'mom blow-out'. You were like him, but without all the fucked up things in his life. He was worrying about you the day you burst into his trailer excitedly telling him you had a date with Tommy Jacobs, it wasn't unusual for you to go to him for relationship advice, you viewed him as someone who had tons of experience (You later learned your friend was in fact a virgin until his first senior year). Seeing you dart into the bathroom Eddie frowned ushering the rest of the club to lunch lingering by the door for a moment hoping you'd come out but after a minute he left, not wanting to make the girls going in or out of the bathroom uncomfortable.

You sat in the stall letting the cry you desperately needed out as your eyes found new writings on the door, all different stories of you 'going crazy' most of them being lies anyways but they still made you cry harder, you hated this school, so fucking much, and most of the people in it. All you could do though was suck it up and splash your face with cold water, drying it with a paper towel you walked out to the cafeteria towards your usual spot with the Hellfire club. Sitting next between Gareth and Jeff you let your head lay on the table listening to Eddie and Dustin's argument about this weeks campaign. Eddie stopped his rant once his eyes landed on you, leaning forward he rubbed your back a little bit "I'm happy your here, Little lamb" He whispered to you before sitting back down "The campaign will stay the same, no complaints. Now get your ass to class, your guys's lunch ended two minutes ago" Eddie said waving the freshmans away directing his attention to the remaining four of you. "Y/n." Eddie asked leaning up in his seat "Hmm?" You whispered looking up from the spot you had your head resting on the table "Are you okay?.." He asked crossing his arms slightly "Yea yea I'm fine" You mumbled laying your head back down to be lost in your thoughts "She's been acting weird since you know who stood her up last week" Dustin explained, You shot your younger brother a glare as if a silent way of telling him to shut the hell up. Eddie stayed quiet for the rest of lunch, not saying a word to you again until he spotted you outside about to leave for home, running over he grabbed your arm pulling you towards the wooded area surrounding the back part of the school. "E-Eddie where are we going?.." You asked, he just stayed quiet as he pulled you deeper into the woods, your breathing picked up as you looked at him tugging your arm trying to break his hold "Eddie let go you're scaring me" You whimpered, at those words he stopped dead in his tracks, not far from an opening with a small picnic table "What's going on with you?" Eddie asked quickly, your anxiety was heightened, clouding all of your senses making your eyes glossy with tears, Eddie took notice and stepped closer hugging you gently "I'm worried about you..Your brother is basically pulling his hair out worried about you...it's just you and me right now..nothing you say leaves these woods okay?..Now what's going on with you, sweetheart?" He asked pulling you gently to the picnic table sitting on the table itself looking at you softly. "I told you..I'm fin-" "No! Don't bullshit me, Y/n Henderson. What's actually wrong with you? I've known you since you were fifteen, I know something is wrong" He said watching you immediately fall apart, grabbing you before your knees hit the rough ground. Tears streamed down your face as you held onto his arms "T-tommy ditched m-me and called me a-at midnight a-and was saying h-he didn't w-want me in h-hellfire a-and that h-he didnt w-want me around you s-so I yelled t-that y-you're not w-who he says you are b-because h-he was calling you a freak a-and hellfire a-a-a-a cult! A-and he called me crazy a-and now everybody t-thinks I'm c-crazy a-and theyve b-been terrorizing m-me all week a-and I'm so so sorry I-i should've listened to you and my parents a-and just never a-accepted his d-date i-i should've w-went to-" Eddie cut off your now rambles with a tight hug, rubbing your back slowly, you could feel the way his rings hit your spine everytime they ran past it, but being so close to Eddie made you feel safe, finally, like even if somebody were to mess with you Eddie would make sure they didn't get close enough to hurt you.

"You are not crazy..You are the most sane person I know, hell you keep me sane, y/n.." Eddie whispered to you kissing your forehead waiting for your cries to stop before he pulled you away a bit. You sniffled looking at him trying to put on your best 'i'm all better' face "Hey..Let's go egg the asshole's house.." Eddie laughed a bit holding you close to his chest "You'd really do that?" you whispered looking at him as you stood up wiping your face from tears "Come on! Let's go!" Eddie smiled leading you to his van smiling at the hellfire club who were gathered around it, Steve and Dustin talking near the van. Dustin, seeing your face and state rushed over, Steve, someone you considered a big brother not far behind "Y/n!" Steve called as he stopped in front of the both of you "We're gonna go egg Tommy Jacob's house" Eddie said sternly "He's the reason for this" He added on motioning to you wiping your tears again "Fuck! Finally!" Steve laughed as he hugged you tightly "It's alright..Tommy is an asshole anyways, hun" Steve whispered kissing your forehead gently.

It only took an hour to get seven carton of eggs and over to Tommy's house, standing outside, the van and Steve's car parked a block away, Eddie smiled at you handing you an egg "You first, m'lady" He smiled watching you stare at the house then the egg, leaning closer Eddie wrapped an arm around your waist, you smiled a bit throwing the egg as hard as you could watching it splatter on the window, you all maybe got through five of the seven cartons before Tommy and his mother were outside yelling and chasing after you all. All of you split up, finding different places to hide until it was safe to run back to the cars and leave, jumping over a kid's bike you hide behind a bush that was growing next to a fence, looking at Eddie who was already hidden behind it "Hi.." He whispered looking at you, panting a bit you smiled "Hi..Thank you..for this, Ed.." You whispered looking at him, Eddie smiled, and you could swear he was blushing "O-of course...Y/n..I care about you alot..and if some asshole hurt you..and made it to where you're being bullied then it's my duty to make him pay..and with the heat today it's gonna take forever to get that egg off his house" He laughed, you smiled peaking through the bush "Fuck you!" You yelled laughing a bit as Eddie laughed shushing you "Fuck you asshole!" Eddie yelled this time, now it was your turn to shush him, resting a hand on his shoulder you smiled, feeling your face heat up as you started blushing. Eddie looked at you smiling placing his hand on your cheek lazily "You deserve the world, Y/n" He whispered to you, letting out a soft exhale and you swore it felt like a magnet pulling you two together, not stopping until your lips met. You smiled against his lips as he rested a hand on your cheek, his curls tickling your face as he moved against your lips pulling away only whenever he needed air. "What if..What if I don't want the world?..what if I want you?" You asked softly, Eddie smiled a bit looking at you "Then..I can give you that.." He whispered "Let's go out..for dinner" Eddie smiled brushing your hair out of your face.

---

i've been debating on working on an eddie smut but I'm nervous because I haven't posted smut before 0.0

[thetaekookcloset]

Hello,

So as a taekooker, I sometimes get confused by Jungkook's demeaner towards Tae. I just rewatched the Yoga series they did and JK barely glances as Tae in the first episode. I just feel like if I were doing an activity with my partner right next to me, I'd want to see how they were doing.

Also during some vlives or videos, Tae is hanging onto JK or interacting with him, but JK doesn't always reciprocate. Like a couple that came out this past year.

Do you think he's just more private and it sort of ignoring/not reciprocating due to cameras being around? I wish we could see them without any cameras at all and see how JK really acts around Tae.

I don't know, maybe I'm just being nitpicky here, but I sometimes feel a bit off about how Jungkook doesn't always respond to Tae's touches. Or sometimes just ignores him completely.

It used to be a lot "worse" from what I can remember. Jungkook used to brush off Tae's touches a lot and sort of pretend nothing happened.

Don't get me wrong, I know there's plenty of moments where they interact and Jungkook is super sweet. But he tends to have periods where he doesn't act like he's with Tae at all. And I wonder if that's maybe intentional? Like he's trying not to give too much away? But then there are other days where he'll be hanging off Tae. So it's confusing.

Just curious about your thoughts.

Hi, anon -- I’ve actually talked quite a bit about this topic before, and lots of other people have chimed in with their thoughts as well.  I’ll link you to a few of those posts below, but my basic thoughts on this are these:

I think that Taehyung is just the type of person to be more inclined toward small, consistent gestures of affection, whereas Jungkook is more inclined toward bigger, bolder gestures that occur less frequently.  As you’ll see if you read through the posts I’ll link to, a lot of people are in partnerships -- myself included -- where one person is more touchy than the other.

When you’re close to someone and inclined toward that sort of engagement, it’s like second nature.  You just do it subconsciously without even really thinking about it, and a lot of times the other person reacts, or doesn’t react, in the same way.  It’s just a normal part of your interaction so it doesn’t really bear reacting to a lot of the time.

It could be that Jungkook is more aware of the camera in certain moments, or that he’s wary of doing too much too often, but honestly given the bold moves he does make sometimes, I’m less inclined to think this than that this is simply the natural way they engage with each other.  It never seems to bother Taehyung, which tells me that he’s secure in Jungkook’s affection for him, whatever form their relationship takes.

And while it’s true that sometimes Taehyung will initiate some sort of interaction that Jungkook doesn’t always want to engage with, that’s also just true of normal people living normal lives.  Real people don’t perform their relationships all the time.  No one reacts in the exact same way to someone in every interaction, no matter how close they are.  Personally, I think it shows that Taekook have good boundaries if one of them can say no to something and have it not be a big deal.

Also, just a note on the latest Run episodes since you brought those up: keep in mind that that’s content which is highly edited.  They must have been at that studio for hours, and we got just a little over an hour of it.  Plus there are seven people to show.  There was far more going on that day than what we saw, and even still, there were plenty of examples of Jungkook looking over at Tae, keeping an eye on him, and when it was Taehyung’s turn to do a solo pose for a photo, Jungkook was right there watching him -- hovering so much that the photographer actually had to move around him at one point lol -- even though he’d been content to watch from the background for everyone else.

From what I’ve seen, Jungkook responds to Taehyung consistently with affection, respect, pleasure, and outright adoration, so I don’t think there’s any issue.

More here, if you’re interested:

Recent differences in Taekook’s behavior

Jungkook seeming disinterested in Tae

People chiming in with their thoughts on the topic

[exaustedshadowscale]

my bathroom is slowly flooding every few hours and my complex told me they can't do anything until the fucking 18th. this is not the only problem that this complex is having either, here's a short list of problems (and a long rant) that i have heard from my neighbors, and maintenance people:

multiple units are having the same problem with sewage backing up and flooding bathrooms, most of the units are vacant, but me and my upstairs neighbors (who i have finally gotten to introduce myself to after 2 years and we bonded over shared hatred of this corporate apartment) are having this same problem.

my upstairs neighbor's AC went out and it took THREE (3) DAYS for them to bring a fucking window unit out to them. multiple units are having this same problem, and while they are being provided with window units. i need to say that i live in Texas where it is regularly hitting 105+ F (40.556+ C) in the mornings, getting past 110 F (43.333 C) in the afternoon.

this complex has 300+ units, with the cheapest rent being 1200 USD (i got grandparented into 1000 USD, but still). there are also only three (3) maintenance people scrambling around to prepare for move in day on the 18th. that is 100+ units per person.

now, here's another reason why i mentioned i'm in texas: renter protections in this state are fucking garbage. they have seven (7) days to fix this before it becomes illegal. which, if the estimate of the 18th is correct, they will be in violation of that, as i put in my request on the 10th. they have better lawyers than me reading shit on the texas attorney general's website (fuck you ken paxton i hope the prison food is so bad you wish it was poison) so they should know this. this bit right here honestly infuriates me: "You do not have a right to withhold rent because the landlord fails to make repairs when the condition needing repair does not materially affect your physical health or safety. If you try this method, the landlord may file suit against you. § 92.058."

personally, i think sewage backing up in my bathroom materially affects my safety, and potentially my health, but a corporate lawyer for a multi-billion USD (58.2 billion as of 2022) company would fight like hell to disagree with that.

i'm hiding this behind a break because i'm sorta embarrassed about my background, being fron a rich white family, but i would LOVE to swing big dick money around to help out my fellow tenants and get rent deducted for this month. this section gives me some hope: "Under Texas law, it is illegal for a landlord to retaliate against you for complaining in good faith about necessary repairs for a period of six months from the date you made such a complaint. §§ 92.331-92.335." because if i make a big stink (like my bathroom currently is) they can't evict me for 6 months as long as my rent gets paid, which since i'm a privileged piece of shit, my dad has that on autopay. after that whatever, i wanna leave this shit place anyway, but i also want to help protect the other tenants by taking the brunt of the hostility. if i get evicted i can go live by my parents again, not even with them, just in the same damn city and they'll still pay (most of) my bills. i don't want to assume anything about my fellow tenants, but as far as i know none of them are about to lawyer up to get shit fixed, i just want to take the first step to get this started because FUCK am i angry. i'm angry that it took 3 days to fix ac in 100 F (37 C) degree weather. i'm angry that apartments are flooding while management overworks their maintenance people during the busiest week of the year, instead of contracting or just fucking hiring more people. i'm angry that ken paxton is still my god damn attorney general. i'm not angry that i have to vacuum the water myself because the maintenance people are so nice and wonderful despite everything going wrong and being overworked that i just want to be helpful and offer them drinks. i'm fucking furious that half the dryers in the laundry area are broken, and have been broken for a fucking month; they don't even work well when they fucking work. i'm pissed that i can't put 6 fucking quarters into the laundry machines and instead have to use a shitty, laggy app that works as well as the fucking dryers.

for fucks sake we deserve better. everyone deserves better than this. everyone deserves to be as financially secure as i am. if you don't think so then fuck you.

anyway, be nice to people. you don't know what they're going through that day. i'm gonna go find out how to legally start a rent strike. tomorrow. when i'm actually off and not just calling out to replace towels and vacuum every 2 hours.

[thedysphoriadiaries]

Entry 41 - Words - 4 March 2023, 2:21pm

I'm really compelled to place a patch on my lower abdomen. It's getting real painful living like this now.

Even over the music that I play in the shower, and even through my closed eyes, I still can sense how male I am.

The resonances in the slight breaths that leave me.

My mental picture of myself as my hands trace over my body.

The thought that I'd have to keep shaving myself over just to be comfortable with myself (no wonder my bottle of shaving cream is running out so quickly).

I feel more male than ever.

...

Me: Can you imagine a version of yourself that wants to be a girl?

Him: No.

That was the answer I got, asking that friend of seven years.

Huh. I really am fucked, am I not?

I just don't understand. Why doesn't anyone seem to get it?

Yeah... being a woman has its price...

He was talking about periods.

If only he knew how much I'd take them over being literally unable to function properly around women (to the point that I'm unable to sustain proper relationships with them due to those weird feelings that I have towards them).

If only he knew how I'd take those cramps, even if they woke me up at four in the morning (according to a certain enby), over that war of attrition that wanting to be your partner is, to the point you'd try stuff that she did, only to get angry when it didn't feel the same. That anger is now replaced by a deep, deep sadness.

But I can't. There's no way to make him understand unless I misgender him all the time, which is not something I want to do to him.

I wonder why and how all this happened.

I have a little dream, though, and that'd be that I wouldn't mind being with a woman, though. As long as they aren't materialistic.

That little admission from him snaps me back from my melancholic reverie. I question where I stand, once again.

I feel so alone once again, for baring my soul to others.

Bro, can I ask you something?

I cringe when he asks me that, and it's not just because he calls me bro (though I accept that it's going to be like that for a long time coming). I know what he's going to ask - it's something about my decision to be who I think I am.

I can't help but feel like I'm dragging everyone around me into this entire singularity which my own identity is. I look at my family. My grandpa. Dad. Mom. My brother. The stuff they're doing. Here I am, talking about something as basic and fundamental as my own identity. Something as basic as my place in this world.

They've moved on from that ages ago.

Why haven't I?

Of course nobody understands you; you've been talking to cis people all this time while you were away (from the community).

That enby told me that, just yesterday.

I have a feeling that the trans woman with whom I had a three hour long dialogue with would say the same thing.

Yet, how does that explain how I was fine with being a male? Was the entire yearning to be a girl just been in the background?

And...

What do I do when I find out that I can't be a girl?

What do I do then?

...

I have to go for a job 'interview' (they're just going to pass me a shirt and company stuff) in two days (before I start working at Challenger; <haha insert finance my own C18H24O2 and C21H30O2 joke here>). I don't know how I'm going to survive, when I literally wake up every day, wondering what's wrong with me.

God fucking help me. Please. The bottles seem very inviting.

...

cool song time

owo local band???

owo another local band???

[imnotoverlyobsessive]

Title of Your Sex Tape

Chapter One: I Want To Hold You Close

AO3 one two three four five six seven eight

All my work is 18+.

As promised, here is chapter one of the pornstar au! Some background info. This fic would not be possible without the help of my dear friends @meetmyothersouls and @alexagirlie!

Regarding this fic, just general background info:

Basically, instead of going into full on acting, Tim becomes a pornstar when he's about twenty. He's instantly massively popular and has won several awards over the past five or so years. He's interested in regular acting, of course, and otherwise, his background is still the same. 

Bit of info about doing porn that I got directly from the source: it doesn't feel sexual. It doesn't even feel like you're having sex. There's a lot of other people in the room, and it's like you're filming a movie. It's acting. That's it. Plenty of pornstars are in monogamous relationships, it's a whole thing. That's not going to be the endgame here, but it is possible.  And yes, I do know that fluffers may or may not exist. We're assuming they do don't worry about it. 

Also, fair warning: due to the nature of his profession in this one, this fic does contain him having sex with other people (for porn. He does not have sex with anyone who isn't her for his own personal enjoyment, nor does the sex between him and the other women mean anything to him). I realize that that may not be everyone's jam, and that's totally fine. The sex he has with other people will not be described in explicit detail, and it's pretty standard stuff. He doesn't do anything particularly icky, in my opinion (like. Standard PIV stuff. No butt stuff), and it's only with women. He is not dating anyone exclusively at the beginning of the fic, though I imagine he probably sleeps around the normal amount for a guy his age. How many cishet men in their twenties of your acquaintance do you think would refuse regular sex with any woman they'd like if the opportunity arose? Not very many, is my guess. He doesn't sleep with anyone in a relationship, nor has he slept with anyone else outside of work when he himself was in a relationship. So... yeah. 

If you want on the tag list hit me up, currently it’s @ellamaianderson and @mxciscastleintheair. Hope you guys enjoy.

OKAY ENOUGH RAMBLING LET’S GET TO IT!

Something’s telling me to leave, but I won’t, ‘cause I’m damned if I do ya, damned if I don’t.- All Time Low, Damned If I Do Ya (Damned If I Don’t)

She knew who Hal Phoenix was. She was a single twenty-year-old who had never been in close proximity with a man for an extended period of time, so of course she knew who he was.

Hal was a big name in porn, and had been for a few years. He worked primarily on things marketed towards women, and it was easy to see why when you looked at him. He was fascinating, really. Apparently, he was extremely kind, courteous, professional, and genuinely sweet. His co-stars preferred him to others for those reasons… and also likely because he reportedly went out of his way to ensure their, uh… enjoyment.

Lea didn’t watch his videos, though. Or rather, she couldn’t watch his videos. He was so attractive it was downright terrifying. He was much taller than her own five foot and one quarter of an inch, and the sharpness of his cheekbones and jawline was intimidating. His eyes were a startling mix of green, blue, and gold, and his form was slim and just a little bit toned, the curls of his hair always deliciously tousled. The way he walked, talked, and held himself was all very… well. He behaved with an easy sort of confidence that everyone found attractive.

Plus, she’d heard from her younger sister, Ari, that his you-know-what was, to quote, “monster big”, and Lea found that very scary indeed. Moreover, she had not yet been able to bring herself to orgasm (she wasn’t even sure she could orgasm), so why bother with porn?

Ari had expressed jealousy that Lea and her best friend, Sam, were moving from their hometown in North Carolina to New York City for college, since that was reportedly where Hal lived. Ari wasn’t even shy about her obsession with him and had probably been watching his videos since she was far too young for them. Not that Sam was any different, of course.

Lea had never expected to actually encounter him, though. This was undoubtedly a good thing, as her mother was a domestic violence survivor and Lea had subsequently decided to steer clear of attractive men. Not that she was around any men or boys of any kind ever, since her and her two sisters had gone to all-girls schools all her life, but still.

This was why she was very alarmed indeed when the woman who had stopped her as she walked down the street after yet another failed job interview had said she was absolutely perfect for a job that had an opening at that exact moment and offered her three hundred for only one day of work and showed her to a nondescript building and inside a room that had none other than Hal Phoenix himself, standing in a robe with his bare chest peeking out.

Lea’s share of rent was overdue, so there was really no way for her to refuse regardless of what the job was.

The job, as it turned out, was a fluffer. Lea had not known what a fluffer was, and so the woman, Rosa, had explained that it was someone who was paid to help get—and keep—male porn actors erect. Lea had been told this directly before opening the door to the room where she was meant to perform her job duties, and thus, she was alone in a room with none other than Hal Phoenix himself.

As soon as he saw her, his eyes—good lord, those eyes—widened, and he nodded at Rosa before she closed the door.

Hal stood up from the couch he’d been sitting on and took a couple of steps towards her. Lea was frozen, staring at him in complete shock. She wasn’t entirely sure what she’d been expecting, but it must certainly hadn’t been this.

“Hi,” he greeted with a small smile that still managed to be blinding. “I’m Timothée, but you can call me Tim if you like.”

Timothée? she thought dazedly. Of course he wouldn’t use his real name in his videos.

“May I ask your name?” His voice was soft, polite; exactly as he’d been described.

“Amelie,” she told him with a gulp. “Well. Lea.”

“Amelie,” he mused quietly, “Is that that French?”

She nodded jerkily. 

“That’s lovely. Do you speak it, too?”

A rapid shake of her head. Then, “Too?”

Hal—no, Tim—smiled at her again. “My dad is French,” he explained, “I’ve always spoken it with him.”

He’s fluent in French, she thought, her head spinning.

“Will you sit with me?” he asked gently, gesturing towards the couch.

Lea nodded, moving to sit next to him as he returned to his spot.

“May I just say,” he began, “you are the most breathtaking creature I have ever had the pleasure of encountering.”

Lea blushed to the roots of her hair, tugging nervously on a dark red curl.

Sounding terribly sincere, he continued, “I must admit that you stopped my heart when you walked in.”

She frowned. She wasn’t beautiful, she knew that. She was too short, too curvy—thigh gap? What’s that? Could she eat it?—, too pale, her eyes were too brown, and her hair was a curly, frizzy mess that she couldn’t get to cooperate no matter what she did. Even her face was mildly cute at the absolute best.

So when he’d called her beautiful—more or less, anyway—, it seemed like complete and utter nonsense.

Seeing the expression on her face, Tim put his hand on her knee, and she could feel the warmth of his hand through the fabric of her skirt. “No,” he said softly, squeezing her knee lightly, “I mean it. You are astonishing.”

“T— thank you,” she said with a nervous gulp.

There was silence for several seconds as he stared at her, examining her features with interest.

“How old are you?” he asked after a moment.

Lea tugged a curl again. “Twenty.”

He smiled softly at her. “I’m twenty-five.”

She said nothing, only shifting anxiously next to him on the couch.

“I’m from here,” Tim added, still smiling. “What about you?”

“I grew up in North Carolina,” she told him quietly, feeling terribly awkward.

“Really?” he asked. When she nodded, he said, “Are you visiting?”

Lea shook her head. “I, um. I go to school here.”

“What are you studying?”

Another gulp.

Maybe she wouldn’t be so nervous if he was wearing more clothes. Was he naked under the robe? Did he have underwear on?

“Costume design.”

He nodded his head, absorbing the information she’d given him. “Interesting. I’d like to hear more about it sometime.”

Lea blinked at him. He wanted to hear about her studies? Why?

Should she ask him things, too? What does one even ask a pornstar?

“Should I, uh…” She trailed off, swallowing thickly and gesturing vaguely at him.

“Not if you don’t want to,” Tim said patiently, “If you’d prefer, we can just talk.”

She blinked at him again. “Wouldn’t they… not pay me for that?”

He smiled indulgently at her. “They don’t have to know.” She’d forgotten his hand was on her knee until he moved it up to tuck a curl behind her ear. “Although,” he said softly, “I’d like to try…” 

Tim scooted closer to her on the couch, and she stared up at him with wide eyes. He was much taller than her, even if they were both sitting down.

“Maybe a kiss?” He phrased it like a question, his palm cupping her cheek.

He was so close, and he smelled startlingly good, and she realized that she actually wanted him to kiss her.

He was staring at her lips when she blurted out, “I’ve never done anything like this before.”

His thumb stroked her cheek, and his lips quirked in a small smile, a small exhalation of laughter huffing out of his nose. He wasn’t mocking her, she didn’t think; his eyes were warm and kind and she felt strangely safe with him, even though that made no sense at all, given how little she knew him. 

“I can teach you,” he murmured, his breath fanning over his face.

Lea focused on her breath; the air filling and leaving her lungs. The issue, of course, was that the air smelled like him— fresh and clean and male, somehow; gender in a scent.

She nodded her head slightly, just the once, and that was enough. His lips quirked again briefly before he leaned forward and pressed them against her own. It was just a light caress; so soft she might not even have noticed it if she didn’t know for a fact it was happening, and she felt her eyes sliding shut of their own accord.

Tim’s hand slipped from her cheek into her hair, pulling her closer to him as he increased the pressure on her lips.

She wasn’t sure why, but when he tilted his head and started to move his lips against hers, she could feel his kiss throughout her entire body. It was the strangest—and the most exquisite—sensation she had ever experienced.

His hand wrapped around her waist to find the small of her back and pull her closer to him. As soon as she began to reciprocate his kiss, moving her lips hesitantly against his, he made a soft noise in the back of his throat and slid his tongue into her mouth, brushing it against hers.

She did her best to mimic him, though she wasn’t sure she was doing a good job. Tim seemed to be enjoying it, though— the hand he had in her hair tightened, and she found herself wanting more. Shifting closer to him, he moved her hand from its place at her waist to grasp her wrist and guide it to his chest.

His robe had fallen open a bit as they moved closer to each other, so her palm met bare skin, and he sighed into her mouth, sucking on her tongue. He let go of her wrist, placing his hand over hers instead, keeping it there as he kissed her.

Lea felt lightheaded, like the oxygen in her blood had been replaced with helium—or perhaps Tim himself—and she was going to float away on the sizzling air between them. She wanted him closer. She wanted him to touch her. She wanted him inside of her. His skin was warm and soft and she flexed her fingers slightly against him, allowing him to gently guide her hand down his chest.

She wanted to study it, examine every detail of his body closely, almost scientifically, but she’d have to pull back from him for that, which was, simply put, unacceptable.

Lea’s eyes fluttered open when he moved his lips to her neck, pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses against her flushed skin. She supposed that he must have undone his robe at some point, because it was open and falling off his shoulders. Still, he slid her hand lower down his body.

He was going slowly, barely moving at all, and she realized he was giving her the opportunity to pull away if she wanted to.

The thing was, though, she very much did not want to. He was still kissing her neck, one hand on her waist and the other over where hers was sliding down his chest—no, his stomach now—, and she wanted more.

She was panting heavily when her fingertips grazed what she could only assume was his, uh… that.

He sighed into her neck, his hand still over hers as she wrapped it around him.

Wait.

It wasn’t… soft?

She was there to make him hard, right? That was her whole job, wasn’t it? But he was already hard, she was fairly certain. Hard and… and throbbing.

“Do you, um…” Lea gulped. “Do you still need me to…?”

He laughed softly, pulling back just enough to look at her with hooded eyes.

God, his eyes, they’re just—

“You don’t have to do anything,” Tim reassured her gently. She felt his breath against her lips when he spoke. “But I would like it very much if you stayed.”

With that, he removed his hand from over hers, and she exhaled slowly through her nose. “Show me how,” she whispered. “Show me how you like it.”

He shook his head a little with a smile, and Lea could’ve sworn it blinded her. He put his hand back over hers, tightening his hold so that hers would tighten, too.

He took a sharp intake of breath as she began to stroke him up and down the way she figured he might like.

“I’m sorry, would you mind…” He trailed off.

“Did I do something wrong?” she asked nervously.

“No!” he said hurriedly. “No, not at all. It’s just, well, dry, is all.”

Lea blinked at him. “Dry?”

He nodded, licking his lips. “I can… I can do it if you’d prefer not to, of course—“

“Do what?”

Tim paused. “Spit on it, I mean.”

She gulped. “I… I can.”

“You don’t have to,” he insisted, but she was already pulling back from him, and when she looked down, she realized that she hadn’t actually seen it.

He was… he was huge. She’d known he would be—theoretically speaking, anyway—but knowing something in theory and seeing it in person were, as it turned out, two very different things.

Lea was suddenly tremendously relieved that she would not have to take that monstrosity in her mouth or anywhere else, though she was self-aware enough to admit that she wanted to do both. Desperately so, in fact.

He sat back, and she leaned forward slightly (not terribly far; she was too scared of his size to get any closer to it, if she were honest with herself), gathering as much saliva in her mouth as she could and letting it drip from her lips and land on his tip.

Sitting upright again and wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, she glanced back up at Tim to find him looking at her strangely. He took her free hand and yanked her towards him, her lips crashing against his.

Perhaps the most accurate descriptor for his kiss was ‘devouring’, because he kissed her like he wanted to consume her, guiding her fingers over his tip and showing her how to hold him, how to stroke him.

“F— fuck,” he groaned against her lips, “that’s so good.” He released her hand, and she moved it over him as fast as she was able. “You sure you’ve never done this before?”

“I definitely haven’t,” Lea confirmed, though she was very pleased to hear she seemed to be doing a good job.

He didn’t say anything, only sliding his hand into her hair again to pull her into another kiss. This one was just as hungry, but it was also rather quick, because he was kissing her neck again a few seconds later.

“You’re so fucking gorgeous,” he groaned against her throat as she continued to stroke him. “There you go, doing such a good job, fuck—“

She noticed that Tim seemed to particularly enjoy it when she tightened her hand around his tip, so she endeavored to do that with each movement of her hand, and it only took a few minutes of that coupled with him alternating between moaning into her neck and kissing her hungrily before he finally grasped her wrist, stopping her movements while his other hand cupped her cheek. He captured her lips in a slow, intense kiss, taking her lower lip between his teeth when he finally pulled away from her.

“We have to stop now,” he murmured, “so just kiss me.”

Lea pulled back, startled and concerned. “Did I do something wrong?” she asked again. “Did you not like it?”

“No,” he told her firmly. “I liked it too much.” He laughed then— a light, breathy sound that made her stomach flutter. “I can’t cum,” he explained, “and you were going to make me.”

His words had the effect of a bucket of cold water being dumped over her head. Suddenly, she was reminded of why she was there, that she was getting paid for what she’d just done.

Tim was still cupping her cheek, though, and he was leaning towards her, his eyes on her lips, when there was a knock at the door.

“Tim,” a man’s voice said, “you’re needed on set.”

He huffed out a soft laugh of annoyance. “I’ll be right out,” he called, never taking his eyes off of her for a second.

Lea stared at him, aware of what he was about to go do and wishing he would stay there with her instead, but even so, it was hard to fight through the haze of desire that had clouded her mind.

When he stood, his robe slipped from his shoulders and fell to the couch. He made no effort to stop it or pick it up, strolling over to the door with a casual sort of confidence that made her throat feel cottony. 

His body had been remarkable up close, and even from a distance, it was… startling. His erection was much the same. 

“I hope you stay,” he said quietly. “I don’t think you fully comprehend what just started.”

“I—“ She gulped. “I just did what I was brought here to do.”

He shook his head with a soft laugh. “And what a wonderful job you did.”

He smirked at her before opening the door and stepping through as if he wasn’t as naked as the day he was born.

[hollanderfangirl]

Nothing lasts forever |Harry Holland|

A/N: K, I wrote this for you. @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh congratulations on 1k!!! I wrote this through a writer's block so yeah not my best work

Warnings: angst, mentions of divorce, Harry being a dick

Word count: 3k

They say love conquers all. But it’s not that simple, is it? You meet, you fall in love, you think that love is enough and when things start to go downhill, you realise that it isn’t, after all. It’s the effort, time, circumstances, along with hundreds of other things. You make promises of being together forever but nothing lasts forever. Nothing. And when the promises break? You get your heart broken. But a heart that’s broken is a heart that’s been loved. How can something so perfect, something that brought you so much happiness, something you thought would be yours forever, go so wrong?

When you and Harry got married, everyone knew you were one of those couples who make you believe in ‘together forever’. You had met when you were teenagers and neither of you thought the relationship would last even six months. But there you were, seven years later, having the most extravagant wedding, vowing to never leave each other’s side and to support one another through it all.

The first two years of marriage was a honeymoon period, you both were having the best time of your lives, going on dates often, cooking together, falling asleep next to each other, you wondered how you even got so lucky. You joined him on most of his trips, you both travelled across the beautiful cities of Europe and America together and nothing else really mattered. You loved him more than anything in the world, and he loved you, what else did you need?

When your work was piling up, you knew that you had to go back, although neither of you wanted to leave each other. He was away from you more often, working on sets and filming his own movies, but you were quite used to it to say the least. Spending away nights of frustrations all alone, with no one there for you. But you didn’t complain, you could never do that. You could never stand in the way of Harry and his career.

Two years later, on Christmas Day, you held your daughter in your arms, a healthy and beautiful baby. You and Harry had never been more happy and overwhelmed.

“So what should we name her?” he asked you while gently rocking her to sleep.

“Noelle,” you smiled. “She really decided to make Christmas even more special”

Over the years, you were so proud of your little family, you would often look at Noelle and Harry, playing or reading together and the ‘father-daughter bonding time’ as Harry liked to call it. She was more fond of Harry than you, and that was why it was even harder for her than it was for you. You regretted it so many times, you didn’t want to give it all up, to give him up. But it was becoming so difficult, taking care of a small child all on your own, along with Harry acting like a child himself. It was far too much responsibility than you could handle. You loved him, you really did, but love is never enough.

Now you were cooking in the kitchen with Noelle sitting on the counter, reciting her lessons from school.

“But mommy! We have holidays coming up now!”

“Yes and you will have all the time to play and enjoy, ok?”

“And there’s something else too,” she giggled.

“Oh is it?” you pretend to think.

“Yes! It’s my birthday”

“That’s right, you’ll spend your birthday with grandma and grandpa and your uncles”

“Will daddy be there?”

“Hopefully yeah,” you sigh.

“Will you be there?”

“Of course, sweetie. Mommy would never miss your birthday party,” you pinch her cheeks.

“Why don’t you and daddy ever want to meet?” she speaks up after a minute.

“Baby… daddy and I…” you honestly didn’t know how to phrase it. “We just kind of don’t… talk anymore, you know?”

“Like Tina and me?”

“Yes, exactly like you and Tina”

“But you told me that I should not be angry at her and we should become friends again”

“That is for you, the thing between me and daddy is much more complicated”

“What does complicated mean?”

You chuckle, the questions never end.

You step out of the car into the bitter cold December wind in front of the Holland household. It had been a while since it had snowed this heavy, and you were worried if you would be able to drive in this weather.

“Here you go,” you say as you hand over Noelle to Sam.

“Gosh it’s so cold today, what are you even going to do?” he asks you.

“Go back to the office I don't really have anywhere to be”

“You're gonna work through Christmas? Take some time off, why don’t you stay with us?”

“Sam no-”

“Come on, y/n. How long will you keep avoiding him this way?”

“I- ”

“And what about Noelle’s birthday?”

“I’ll come and visit for a few hours on 25th”

“Y/n, this will always be your home too, with or without Harry. We would love to have you over for Christmas”

“Mommy please, I’m feeling cold out here,” Noelle says reaching out her tiny hands out to you from Sam’s arms.

“Okay fine,” you laugh.

As you get inside the house, Noelle jumps off from Sam and starts running into the house.

“Daddy!”

“Oh my little princess I’ve missed you!” you see Harry run from the living room, picking up Noelle and kissing her forehead. “How have you been? Have you been good? Otherwise who’s gonna get all the gifts?” he pretended to say in a childlike voice.

Your heart warmed up at the sight, your lips curling into a smile. It had been so long since you had seen the two of them reunited like this. Everytime you went to drop Noelle off at Harry’s house, you just waved from the car, not even caring about what happened afterwards.

He seemed a little surprised to see you there and you weren’t sure if it was a good surprise or not.

“Y/n… hi”

“Hey Harry”

“You um changed your hair”

“And you’re wearing the same old sweater”

“No this is a new sweater it’s uh-” he says trying not to continue with an awkward silence. “It’s the old sweater,” he shrugs, making you smile

"Y/n! What a surprise," Nikki calls you from the living room. "It's so nice to have you here over Christmas, everyone misses you so much"

You walk over to meet everyone as Noelle calls Sam to the side.

"Hmm what's up?" he asks the little girl.

"I know how mum and daddy can talk"

He lets out a laugh. "What? And why's that?"

"Mommy said that she and daddy don't talk anymore and that's the only problem. We just have to find a way for them to talk and become friends again"

"What's your plan, genius?"

And then she told him.

After dinner that night, you were sitting on the front porch with Sam. He was your friend, someone who you could always turn to. All of Harry's family was like that. When you both got divorced, you thought you would lose contact with the Hollands, you didn't want to lose them too because they were just like your own family but the bond didn't change, Sam helped you get through it, just like he helped Harry and he was the one who had tried to resolve things between you both.

"I still don't understand. You both were doing just fine, better than fine. All of you were so happy, what even happened?"

"Sam… Harry and I haven't even talked about what went wrong between us. Everytime we tried to talk, something came in between"

"Then talk now, you have plenty of time"

"How does it even matter now?"

"It does. I've seen how miserable you two are, you don't even want to see each other. I know you both still have something"

"We have Noelle," you say as a matter of factly.

"You know what I mean. You both love each other"

"See that's the thing with love. Love doesn't help me take care of a four year old all on my own, Sam. She misses him so much. She just keeps asking me when she'll get to see her father. He never made time for us"

"I know he's been a kind of a jerk"

You raise an eyebrow at him.

"Okay a big jerk, but he cares about you and Noelle. I'm not asking you to get back together but at least talk and resolve whatever beef you both have"

"We can't"

"Why?"

"It's just… I don't even know"

There was a long silence. If it was summer, you would have been hearing the crickets chirping but at this hour of a cold winter night, all you could hear was the faint distant noise of the faraway traffic.

"How about this, you both go out tomorrow, just for an hour or two, hang out, talk, just say whatever you had been holding in all this time"

"You're setting us up on a date?"

"Not a date. You both just need to talk, right? So you just need some alone time"

"Has Harry agreed to this?"

"He definitely would"

"No, it'll be too much. And what about Noelle?"

"What about her? We're all here to take care of her. You just go and talk this over"

You lay awake at night thinking about the happy times you had with Harry. How did things go so so wrong?

Two years earlier

"Harry, the opening ceremony is on Friday, it's huge for the company!"

"Yes I know, love. I really wish I could make it"

"What… do you mean?"

"I'll be leaving for Atlanta two days from now"

"But it's important to me and everyone will be asking for you"

"I'm so sorry, baby but I have to go"

"You've done a great job, y/n. Where's Harry? I'd love to meet him," your manager asks you at the after party of the opening ceremony.

"He couldn't make it tonight. He really wanted to be here"

"Where's your husband, miss y/l/n? This is such a big day for you!" another one of your colleagues asked you later that night.

"He's really disappointed he couldn't be here but duty calls," you tried to hide your loneliness and sadness through a smile.

"Y/n! I haven't seen Harry tonight…"

"How's the movie coming up?" you were talking to Harry at 2 in the morning, time zones were driving the both of you crazy.

"It's going great! The location is amazing, I think we could shoot the whole film here. I just wish you were here I miss you so much"

"I miss you too, just come back home," listening to his voice seemed to make you even lonelier.

"I will," you hear music playing in the background and the noise of people cheering and talking.

"What's happening there?"

"Ah they're throwing a party in my honour, it's been such a success-" you heard a woman laugh right beside him.

"So are you having a good time?"

"Yes I am I just-"

"Then you should go back to it. Bye"

"But y/n-"

You were still working when he came back from the airport and you immediately rushed home after you were free.

When you saw him, you felt as though you were seeing a stranger. He looked different and he felt different and he looked tired than ever. Nevertheless you jumped on him and hugged him tight, making sure he was real.

"Oh god I've missed you, more than you could ever know," he stroked your hair and kissed your forehead.

"Really? Then show me how much you've missed me," you say as you lead him into your shared bedroom.

"I'm so sorry I missed your opening, darling I really wanted to be there"

"It's alright, we have another celebration next month, you can meet everyone there"

"Oh I can't make it to that either, I have to get away again after three weeks"

"But you just came back! And Noelle is just two years old, how do you expect me to take care of her and go to work?"

"There's nothing I can do, y/n. The contracts have already been signed. This is my big break, it's important to me"

"And our marriage is not? Your daughter is not?"

"You both are the most important to me," he put his calloused hands on your cheeks. "But you knew this was what our life would be when you married me"

"Everything has changed since then, Harry. We have a child now and we're so happy here. Why do you have to go away halfway across the world for months"

"Nothing has changed. I still love you the same and our careers are still as important to us as before"

"You could have at least talked to me about this"

"Yes I'm sorry. Everything will be alright once I return, I just have to go now"

Harry couldn't focus on work that day. He just kept replaying the conversation he had with you before leaving.

'I can't lose her. I really can't," he thought. 'Oh my god I love her, I love her so much. We have to find a way to make this work'

And ten thousand miles away from him, you sat all alone on the bed, thinking, 'this will not work, we're so happy, why does he want to give all of this up?'

"We're not teenagers anymore, y/n. Now I want something and you want something else, our worlds are different"

"So we just let it go?"

"I'm not saying that we have to let anything go, but it's my career, y/n. For the first time in my life, things have finally started to move and I don't want to lose anything"

"Harry… I have always supported your career. I have always supported your dreams. But you can have everything you want right here with me and Noelle. You don't have to leave"

"You're not even trying to understand"

"I'm understanding everything. I can't do this anymore, I'm not another one of your fans, Harry. I can't just keep on chasing you like this"

"Ice skating? Really?" you say as you see the long sheet of ice that lay on the ground in front of you, there were only a few people as it was a cold day. Everyone was probably snuggled up in bed with some warm coffee rather than going out on a date with their ex husband.

"We can go somewhere else if you want, there's a restaurant-"

"No this is fine. After all Noelle chose it"

He helps you put on your skates and you both hold each other, trying not to lose balance until you reach the ice rink.

"Ah that's it," he lets go of your arm but still holds your hand in his.

"Wait what did you mean Noelle chose it?"

"You don't know your daughter, Mr Holland. She's grown up to be quite the matchmaker," you laugh.

"You remember how we used to come here?" you smile at the memories, you and Harry used to go ice skating almost every week in winters. Although neither of you were the best at it, you loved the times you spent falling and laughing and later on having hot chocolate in each other's arms.

"Yeah," he tries to hold your other hand as well. "You remember the Christmas Noelle was born? I miss taking her out ice skating"

"Of course I remember," you sigh. "Eighteen hours of labor, and I was alone. You couldn't even make it in time for the birth of your own daughter"

"She was supposed to be born in January, how could I have known she would come in so early?"

"Well you always have the excuses ready, don't you?"

"It's not an excuse, it's more of an explanation. The flights were all booked, I mean it was Christmas! And I did reach the hospital in time"

"You reached the hospital when she was all cleaned up and in my arms"

He stays silent for a few moments and then speaks, with a gentler tone. "Y/n I'm sorry, I really am"

"You always said that, yet you never did anything to understand what went wrong"

"I was just so caught up in my life, I mean… there was so much work. I know I didn't spend much time with you both and-"

"It wasn't even about spending time, Harry. The thing is, you were never there for us. When I needed you the most, you weren't there. Even your brother understood that I needed someone but you didn't. You're just so-" you choked on the words.

"I know, and all I can say is that I've messed up, big time. I know you can't forgive me"

"Oh I've forgiven you a long time ago, Harry"

His hair was all messed up from the wind, going wild in all directions like a crown on his head. His nose and cheeks were turning red from the cold and all you wanted in that moment, was just kiss him. You wanted to feel his cold lips on yours until they turned warm. You wanted to hold his hair in your fingers, you wanted to touch him, you wanted to feel him. You wanted everything you once had. You wanted him back.

"I remember everything about you, you know?" he spoke up. "How can I ever forget? I remember how much you loved reading and how you hated it when I left my clothes on the floor. And how you keep your socks on during sex"

"You just had to bring that up" you roll your eyes and laugh.

"The thing is, I love you. I always have, even now when we're.... over, I still love you. I never got over you"

"Harry-"

"Y/n, what we had, it was something else. You're… the only woman I've actually ever loved in my life"

"And you're the only one who I've loved in my life. But we can't go back now"

"Why? Why can't we give it another chance? Give us another chance?"

"It didn't work the first time, why do you think it'll work now?"

"I don't. But I'm miserable without you and we're different now. I've lost you once and I'll never make you feel like I'm busy for you, ever again"

"Are you sure? I'm tired, Harry. I'm so tired, I really cannot go through this if everything goes wrong again"

"It won't. I promise you, let's give us another chance, please?"

You looked into his eyes and you knew the answer.

*･ﾟﾟ･*:｡:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　　

🌻

Taglist

@mischiefmanaged011 @notsosmexy @drie-the-derp @justanothermarvelmaniac @amorhollands @thisetaernallove @calltothewild @fancyxparker @peterspideysstuff @musicalkeys @theliterarymess @hollands-weasley @tommysparker @god-knows-what-am-i-doing @parkerpeter24 @more-like-reyna @hollandbroz-n-haz @aqiise @sarcasticallywitty15 @spiderrrling @theonly1outof-a-billion

[markcampbells]

blog tag

1. Why did you choose your url? -- @malionnes who tagged me in this is my writing partner, and Mark is one of our OCs. :) My first two URLs were related to Haley from One Tree Hill, and once I was no longer a strict fandom blog I preferred having something more unique to me. 2. Any side blogs? -- Not that I actively use. 3. How long have you been on Tumblr? -- Since April 2010. I was here in the ancient times, children. In the days of Tumbeast error messages and a gif limit so low you could sit there counting individual frames. 4. Do you have a queue tag? -- I used to, just #queue, but not anymore. I do however very much enjoy people's punny queue tags. 5. Why did you start your blog in the first place? --I was bored one morning in college and looking for Nathan/Haley content on Google turned up FanForum, and somehow FanForum led me to Tumblr. Early on I was literally just here for One Tree Hill, though I posted a lot about my daily life (as if ANYONE cared) and what I was reading. For a while I also had a decent-sized presence in the fandom for Stieg Larson's Millennium series, enough so that a publisher actually offered me a review copy of a book on the trilogy, so that and OTH were my two early fandoms on here. (Doctor Who came later, for those who remember that far back.)

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp? -- It's an icon of Matt Bomer as Larry Trainor from Doom Patrol, with a Pride flag in the background. Matt's one of my favorite actors, and when I was really struggling with my confusion over my sexuality, his work as Larry really resonated and helped me with a lot of stuff. The icon just feels really representative of me as a person, so I've kept it a long time.

7. Why did you choose your header? -- It's the Enterprise from Star Trek with a pan pride flag background. Pretty self-explanatory. :p

8. What’s your post with the most notes? -- This is the most popular edit I've ever done, because Rainbow Rowell of all people reblogged it and it blew up from there. However, that honor belongs to this godforsaken quote of Carrie Vaughn's about The Hunger Games that has over 5k notes. A long while back there was a lot of discussion on Tumblr about folks not recognizing that Katniss has PTSD, and when I ran across that bit of one of Carrie Vaughn's reviews, it struck me as something people might want to read. They are still reblogging it seven years later. :p I just hope it drove more people to Carrie Vaughn's reviews and books.

9. How many mutuals do you have?  -- Is there a way to know that??? Because I have no idea.

10. How many followers do you have? -- 1,974. I'm not sure I will ever crack 2k. :p Many of them, however, are probably dead blogs since I've been here since the ancient times.

11. How many people do you follow? -- 734, but I need to do some serious weeding since there's only a handful of blogs I care about actively following.

12. Have you ever made a shitpost? -- Not many, but sure.

13. How often do you use Tumblr each day? -- I used to use it a lot more. These days I just have two queue posts a day and I like more than I really actively reblog. I have started to get more engagement again after a long period of not having much, so that's been nice.

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? -- I had some really nasty anons back in the day, but not in a long while. I also had a Jane Austen blog get nasty with me once simply because I misinterpreted a sarcastic tag as a genuine misconception I had seen people have. (Sadly, not the first time and not the last I'd had that happen in Austen fandom.)

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts? -- Tacky if they're phrased in a guilt-trip way. It causes more problems than it solves and makes people struggle with anxiety.

16. Do you like tag games? -- Love them! I don't get tagged in them as often as I'd like since Tumblr is a bit less active these days but I enjoy when people think of me.

17. Do you like ask games? -- Very much, and same as the above response.

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous? -- I have, or had, a few followers who are bigger names in respective fandoms. But everyone who chooses to follow me is lovely and I feel lucky that I get to know them.

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual? -- The closest thing I have to a crush is my Post-It marriage to Cait, going on eleven years, which is a "somehow she still loves me" situation if ever there was one. (#don't leave me.gif) And to my USS McKirk fam, you all know who you are and you all rock.