#the bad news is i didnt rly. talk to anyone

[onebookcharacter]

bad mental health ramble in the tags don't mind me

[girl-bateman]

Some days I'm pretty content with my childhood other days I'm ripping my hair out because it just doesn't add up !! someone is hiding things from me !! I don't trust anyone !!

[manicpixiedckgirl]

okay, so i posted a timeline. sue me! i quit all other social media last year and needed that dopamine hit. just a lil nicotine patch for online attention. seasonal depression is a bitch okay. i posted it here and to ig, bc ig is to late millennials what facebook is boomers. and people have all said some very nice things, but when you're posting a 10 year timeline, you're usually hoping for someone from your past to see it and go "woah! you're so different now"!

and whaddya know, this time it worked. one of my exes from when i was a teenager saw it. not one of the ones who turned out to be a lesbian, one of the ones who turned out to be a trans man. He just wanted to say hi - that he was so happy to see that i looked happy, and that i looked incredible, especially compared to the scruffy twink they had dated. (okay those are my words not his)

he and I didn’t have a great relationship at first - no one had a great relationship with me before i realized i was a trans woman obviously, but this was pretty young. I was really repressed and weird back then, and still very much without any social graces, and we were only like 16. they caught the full broadside of my emo fuckboy energy and got out fast once they saw that - i don’t blame them. I was crying in their arms about how much i hated my new body hair, and how i wanted to be able to wear dresses, and the next day i’d be completely emotionally unavailable and denying all of it. not exactly boyfriend material, not entirely boyfriend. They were very traumatized too in their own way, just realizing they were trans too, and engaging in a lot of ‘i want to be a gay man’ antics, fucking their way through the pain. He was frankly way too cool and sexually liberated to be wasting his time with that version of me. And it was very obvious to everyone who knew what that was 12-15 years ago that i was a closeted trans girl. we had a friend group that eventually fell apart, and we parted for the first time.

Later, in our late teens/20, we would end up fucking - i had started to accept and announce that my gender was complicated, and i was starting to be kinda faggy and loud about it, and not everyone hated that, and they had just started T and were boy horny. We split a bottle of wine (or was it two? It was probably two) and started watching an ashley tisdale movie. Looking back on it, how it went must definitely have been his plan, but i’ve always been blind about this stuff and was that night. It was definitely bad sex, but it was also fun sex - the first time I enjoyed myself,  and the pressure of having to be a guy wasn’t so overwhelming i didnt effectively black out. he’s one of the first people i ever talked to about feeling complicated about gender, and i think by then he had figured me out, and was just letting me get the rest of the way on my own. I still couldn’t top for him, i never rly could top for anyone, even before estrogen. but we still had fun, with our hands and with our mouths. and then after that, we'd go to art shows and poetry readings and hang out again occasionally, like we talked about doing when we were literal kids, putting on rocky horror in our front rooms.

but life takes you away from people, and he got into film school, and i somehow graduated my chemistry program and moved to the US. he moved to Germany for a while, although i hear he's back home. i got married, got separated, there was a global pandemic. we hadn't talked in years, although i had snooped on him once or twice. He’s a director now - he’s made some impressive arthouse films, all horror and gender and kitchy campy cerebral themes. He’s got a big tv writing credit on the way in irish tv. Idk - it felt rly good to impress him, to say hi, to remember. it's really cool to see other trans people thriving and living life, always. anyone who cleaves reality to themselves and fashions themselves into someone they can love is someone who impresses me. but it's different when it's someone you've known for almost half your life - someone you were a fucked up kid with, not sure if either of you would make it to 18. and to be smiling at each other, looking at 30, and wondering what's next. i'm really proud of the both of us actually. and i needed that today.

[prettyallfriends]

yknow what 😤 im gna talk about my ocs a bit since i found out u can send images from ur switch to ur phone rly easily. they started as pripara ocs but theyve evolved into their own universe. these guys are basically like the season 1 characters of their universe lol.

the trio on the left is tripretty and the right is primaverano, altogether theyre pretty verano. left to right is mitsuba/futaba, charlie/hugo, manami --- gin, marico, akira. these are their usual rotations, hugo and marico are the centres of the groups but ofc the other members get to be centres sometimes too

the rest shall be under the cut so i dont flood any dashboards

here they are in dream parade coords☺️ this ones a bit more up to date design-wise. akiras the centre of primaverano here bc shes the only one who looks good in mr (i guess futaba could pull it off too but i wanted to keep the groups seperate). i stuck to the spring/summer coords for primaverano for hopefully obvious reasons, so that naturally pushed tripretty toward the cooler seasons. i was kind of surprised how naturally 4 of the characters embodied the seasons

here is the earliest screenshot i have of most of the group sans akira (i didnt have the 6-person songs unlocked yet). most are recogniseable except marico (second from the right). when i initially designed her she looked kinda like she does here, but it just didnt feel right so i started messing around with her every time i unlocked new mychara parts 😭😭 so now shes got green hair I Guess. she usually wears sunglasses but theres no good ones in the switch game :(

aaaaand here are their shuffle units. i dont really have names for them yet. but basically theres a contest that requires new teams to be formed, so hugo (blonde one in the left group) very quickly drops their teammates for primaveranos cooler members, and they completely surprise their usual teammates in their performance. gin (blonde in the right group) is an extremely chill and relaxed person so she just ends up joining the rest of tripretty. futaba (rightmost in right pic) is cool-type so she wonders why shes endes up in the sweet/lovely group and is v awkward about it lol

theres actually a third main group, theyre kind of not as important as these ones but theyre a very popular male idol group called shaKings (the pics are both kinda bad lol whoops). the pic on the right is the usual rotation: hugo, naoto, mamoru. yes hugos in two main groups, at first they go by charlie with the girls and is just hugo w tha boys but eventually they drop that and theyre just in two groups openly.

naoto and akira are twins☺️ naotos albino, mainly bc i wanted to really drive home the contrast between them. naoto is nicknamed nao by a lot of people, so he has a more feminine name to contrast his sisters masculine name

tripretty, primaverano and shakings together form the 8-person unit prettyveranou (ou for the king from shakings). i havent figured out what that would be in japanese though... プリティベラン王??? like whos veran........ but yeah along with their little supergroup theres four main duo units. naoto/mamoru (which was just the original shakings before hugo joined), hugo/gin (gins v laid back while "charlie" is very bubbly so they dont seem like theyd mesh, but theyre actually best friends), futaba/marico (both are shakings fangirls and theres a lot of tension between them... ust........), akira/manami (...theyre left over lmao. like canonically thats why they team up but they put on some interesting lives bc they have the most contrasting styles of anyone else; every other duo has some kind of commonality or theres a middle ground between their styles but manami is very cute/sweet/lovely whatever and akira is rock style. they make it work aaaand theyre the only duo i have a screenshot of)

so thats "season 1" of... my ocs lol. i have way more ideas for characters in this universe, like "season 2" ara4 (means storm, the characters are named after weather phenomena and are the start of my descent into pun names), and the group of the brightest stars around, o-types (led by O-ka (ouka). im almost definitely never gna follow through with their story lmao but idk... maybe someday..........

[dungeonmeshifancast]

aahh.. i just suddenly started missing playing my bass really bad. i have her right next to my bed but i havent played her in quite a while now, i didnt really know how to play super well or anything, im not able to get myself to practice often enough to get that good at playing any instrument. but my best ones are piano and bass i guess.... i used to be pretty good with ukulele too, lol... anyways, im missing my bass rn. her name is susie btw... i dont have the energy to pick her up rn let alone tune her or anything... i technically have needed to get her new strings for a while, but they never bothered me or anything, i mean they worked fine.. i wasnt playing for anyone else so who cares... i really like playing the bass because of how quiet it is. technically i have an amp but, well i dont like playing loud instruments so why would i use that... sometimes ive performed songs id learned for like my family, but most of the time its just in my room, and i just dont rly like to be loud in general... thats why i like playing keyboard, sometimes more than real pianos because i can just turn the volume down... or plug in headphones, but i dont currently have headphones that fit in the jack on my keyboard. on the piano the only songs that i still retain the ability to play, even after not playing for a long time, are all undertale songs... if i practiced just a little i could regain maybe some pokemon songs, and others..but the ut ones i know are very ingrained in my muscle memory. i know fallen down the best it was one of the very first ut songs i learned, in 2016. i only know how to play a little bit of the fallen down reprised, like, extended part. reprised part. whatever. oh and your best friend. that ones short and easy :). i can do once upon a time, but sometimes i forget some left hand bits. and i can do undertale, that ones fun. i cant play the whole song, but its rly fun.. i used to know an ending pretty well, but i didnt retain that unfortunately... and i know/have known bits and pieces of the rest of the ost. i knew some deltarune ones as well, and other songs in general too, obv. i wont describe every single song ive ever learned on the piano. i meant to talk about my bass. i just wanted to say that i miss feeling the sound in my body, when i played it with my chin resting on the top of it, i could feel it in my head + i could hear it more clearly. and it was better if i wore headphones at the same time (not playing anything thru them, just wearing them). the one song i knew rly well on bass is kind of embarrassing so i cant say it. its not that bad but you know. i knew some other songs, my proudest was um.. eighth wonder by lemon demon lol.. because i learned that one like 90% by ear :). and i learned the whole song! yay. i usually wouldnt learn whole songs, i wasnt that good okay..(+ im not someone who can like, sight read or anything. i cant really read sheet music at all, i mean, i know the basics but.....) i guess thats all i have to say. i should eat something.

[ayorapline]

hey anya! first of all i need to say that i love all your fics, i may have read the namgi one like three time and the new taejin one has been so much fun!!! I love your humour, like every fic makes me laugh so much and i love every one of your jungkooks dearly 💜

i'm not from twitter, i'm just a lurker around there but i'm an ancient tumblr user - i actually think your humour would fit really well around here lol - so if you need any help you can ask away!

regarding tumblr's comunication, you have some options: - asks: it's the most common way, and you can always turn off anon if you feel like you need to - replies: you can reply under posts and asks, and you can answer those replies; on mobile you can press and hold the reply and the options will appear; on desktop you just need to click the three dots - chat: you can private message people just like twitter dms

- tags: instead of commenting on the posts, we are used to leave compliments or even just rant on the tags of the posts, i can assure you that the op always reads the tags. if you see a tag that you wanna answear, you can always send the person an ask or pm, or even just reblog the post and say "prev tags" lol

reblogging a post or your own post a lot of times is very common, we like to bring old things back so they are not forgotten or just to bring attention to the post again during different timezones

oh you can also hide your follows and likes

ok i talked too much, bye

omg first of all thank you so much!!!!! for complimenting my aus and for giving me all the tips!! im definitely still figuring everything on here and tbh im quite bad at technology hahah but im slowly learning! i rly like the "following" "for you" and "tags" all having different timelines!!!! thats rly cool !!!! im still struggling w the communication aspect but i think i will get the hang of it eventually... i used to have tumblr in 2015-2016 and my blog did pretty well however all i did was post and leave and didnt talk to anyone 😭 just accepted asks so im pretty good at that lmao. but im still learning how to be part of an actual community on here!! thank u for all the tips i am doing my best hehe

[megismorallysunny]

25/09/23

i might upload 2 today bc i have a lot, not from today just in general, so much so that i wrote it down. i had science first, turns out the school wanted every teacher for their first class to show their classes the new one way system because they felt it was clogged up. its really fucking stupid and we were supposed to follow it as soon as we left first class.. spoiler alert no one did, absolutely no one, i didnt see any teachers not following but no students are. I feel like using that system its only a matter of time before a 1st year gets hit by a car, your supposed to go outside to get to some classes that would have only been a few metres away now, and the way you go sometimes has cars on it, i seen one going pretty fast just a minute after class started.

i had irish after science and turns out that irish hw i was doing wasnt even the hw, and i had already done the hw a week ago, omg i just cant but it was a-ok. after that was maths, everyone was in for once so there wasnt enough seats for everyone, hopefully 4k4 and his other friend 5k5 dont steal my seat, i worked my ass off for that. a student who came 2 weeks ago, nickname -bluebird, is just annoying, its not that shes done anything wrong its that shes a complete loner, wont talk to anyone, not like ive tried but more in the sense, you wont hear even a squeak. in business she doesnt take down notes, in maths she doesnt do questions (not that i can say much) and in french she doesnt even know ça va and wont do her french hw. so yeah plain infuriating. i did my english hw wrong after i spent an hour carefully constructing only a third of my answer for an hour last night. my friends went to the shop but i didnt bc i wanted to stay in the cspe classroom and eat my lunch and maybe also read trollhunter fanfics, hard enough to find good ones involving a very cute and fluffy relationship between jim and walter. anyways we had to have a fake election in cspe, to try out ballot box voting, in first year for student council i tied with another girl for top votes. guess how many i got this time? yeah thats right a solid one, thinking about it makes me sad, does no one like me anymore??? but i laughed at the time even tho every1 looked back at me, it felt really dehumanising, the only way i deal with bad situations is by laughing and joking, and that situation made me feel a little shit.

made me also feel real great when aprciot turned back at me and said i put you 5, its like he constantly tries to talk to me and be my friend and when i ignore him he gets mad, its not great that i was standing beside granite today and apricot started pushing granite and while he did that his hand touched my tit. great. made me feel just great, it wasnt on purpose he wouldnt even try.. well he did say consent didnt matter today if it was me. he was obvi joking but considering he tried to sa someone before and this day a year ago, "mango" his friend and apples friend sent diorite a voice message saying apricot said he was gonna do a thing to her. idk im sorry i feel uncomfortable typing out the word rape. but yeah thats what he said apparently. doesnt make it better he could walk to her house and he knows where that is. but unfortunately it is what it is no matter how cruel it can be.

anyways, after cspe i fucking raced through the classroom to get to another because it had a door to the outside which was closer to the door to the other outside door to get to or religion classroom, we had a proper sound sub, she was rly nice and i thought she was a bitch because of her hairstyle but she really wasnt, AND I GOT MY FAVOURITE SEAT!!!! mission acomplished, my friend was happy bc i always run to get good seats and i actually did unlike last time where some people were unfortunately quicker.

idk if i mentioned this but i learned about shifting maybe early 2021 and it didnt really go anywhere, id tell you where i have planned out for me to go but it would be embarassing, i have one for the embarassing one and one for a library, filled with extensive knowledge and characters from shows i watch. anyways my body felt like it was floating last night, just like my first shifting attempt nearly 2 years ago now, i nearly did it but i chickened out, opened my eyes and couldnt ever do it again or get those symptoms. when i woke up at 4 in the morning i was half stuck in a dream, and was trying to do my tasks to meet my goal, i dont even remember what my tasks or goal was.

i skimmed the entirety of sex education, it was my first time watching it, it was pretty good, i really liked ruby she was definitely my favourite i also really loved roman but cmon ruby, she was so good also aimee. i redownloaded farmville2 so its time to relive my farmer life whoop whoop. ill do another blog post later. anyways goodbye have a good morning, good day and good night

[trikanoid]

My thoughts during the final palace and after finishing the final palace in Persona 5 Royal

Be warned, there are spoilers ahead

------------------------------------------

i cant believe the supposed “bad” or not true ending of persona 5 royal is not actually the correct ending

it seems so happy and perfect with how it looks, most games would consider that the true ending but ig coz the games theme is rebelling against an unjust society and the sorts, it wouldnt be right for marukis world to be real, they even voice acted it and put so much effort into an ending that would usually be avoided if u wanted to finish the game, god damn p5r is written pretty well

and once i beat the final palace, i pre much have 100% achievements and moving onto p3p 🤔 and then probs after playing thru p3p twice to get 100% achievements, ill be replaying p4g

even crazier is that jokers teammates dont actually notice anything about the world they were given, only joker and akechi notice or know about it but joker is just praying that the ending chosen was a good ending

and then i can kinda understand marukis ending coz like a world where no one gets hurt. in marukis palace theres a part where u answer a questionnaire or multiple and one question where it had something to do with ur goals with the answers being “continue trying to reach ur goal”, “do whatever it takes to reach ur goal” or “give up and move onto a new goal/dream” actually made me realise that i usually take the easy way out in most things 😢 its kinda sad, id go for the final option and usually give up and move onto another dream/goal, which also explains why i never get addicted to have anything im rly passionate about since ill just give up when i hit a slump or just cannot progress aaaaaaaa p5r is so good

but the biggest problem with marukis ending is that ur happiness is just given to u, u dont think at all, uve got one singular path laid out for u to follow and while i find that decent and nice, its also rly fun and nice to struggle and come out on top, tho for me i usually only do those things for simpler activities such as coding, im fine with struggling with figuring out how to code something coz at the end its just so satisfying to figure it out and make it work, but at the same time, i wouldnt mind a path laid out for me since im the type of person to go with the flow and follow alongside others, but im also pretty neutral so while idm it, id also not like it and would like a path that makes me want to struggle and want me to reach my goals/dreams 🤔 aaaaaa theres so much to think about

tbh never thought a game would make me wanna type this much about it but after reading the comments of the “bad” ending, it got me wanting to share my own opinions but didnt wanna do it in the yt comments

like no cap if marukis reality were real, it would be great coz it means ur friends who suicided would come back, cats and dogs would live longer, etc and then i could have my best friend who suicided come back to life and while thats great and all itll also mean the struggles of coping with his death would disappear, it would mean id spend less time trying to catch up with ppl, thanking ppl for talking with me, letting ppl know i cared and id go back to the person whod disappear every once in a while, never thanking anyone for games, never thanking anyone for anything and making people question whether i rly found it fun to hang out with them or whether i cared about them much, so much to think about 💀 but i can genuinely understand where maruki is coming from where he doesnt want anyone to be hurt since id like the same 😢

he truly is the goodest bad guy

[berryunho]

helo it is i san anon and i am here to tell u abt the concert !!

we had seated tickets so went a bit late (still like an hour before the show started 🫣 um) AND I WAS RESPONSIBLE by not buying any merch bc i bought a lot at the popup store hehe

anyway so the atinys behind us were rly nice n started talking to us AND THEN ONE OF THEM GAD ALREADY SEEN THE SOUNDCHE K PICS OF MINGI AND I WAS LIKE WAIT WHAT?? HE DID WHAT??? I FEEL SO BAD bc so many ppl like it but i… i can’t.. i just.. idk… maybe i have to get used to it but it’s not for me 😭 i loved the mango hair </3 where is the length on this one </3 pls </3 i also didn’t love hongjoong’s hair on pics previously but irl?? that was styled to perfection he looked so fucking fine oml cult meeting when?? lead the way sir /hj

anyway so i’d been MaNiFeStInG san’s long dark hair bc last year i saw him w the guerilla hair and i didn’t love that tone either (i miss her now ngl but the dark hair outdoes (hongruella back then oml drooling)) and then the airport pics w his long hair 😮‍💨 drooled a lil /hj ANYWAY SO HEEEEE LOOKED FINE AS FUCK and THE cyberpunk outfit oml he wore everything i wanted him to !!! ig he loves me bc i’ve been manifesting oreo woo for a year now and where is it. where. jung wooyoung. we need to have a talk.

AND the tinys behind me asked who my bias was and i was like uhhh bc i’m actually?? wooyo bias?? or supposed to be?? but san n joong are also in my bias line and recently it’s been a bit of a problem.. am completely normal about san.. as some may know.. so normal.. haha anyway I SAID I AM IN BETWEEN BIASES BUT!!! I DON’T THINK THAT IS THE CASE ANYMORE choi san has me in a terrible chokehold that i will never be able to escape from (and i got a san freebie hehe <3 cute) but literally when i said “ok i’m san biased now” they performed i’m the one heat topping ver AND WOOYOUNG??? IDK IF ANYONES SEEN VIDEOS BUT HE?? HIS BODY ROLL? I ??? that felt so personal ANYWAY I EXPLAINED IT TO MY MOM (she loves woo since i never shut up abt him.. i thought she liked hwa smh traitor) LIKE LISTEN. WOOYOUNG WAS AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS. AND SANJOONG AT THE SECOND STEP. BUT SAN DIDNT LIKE IT THERE. SO HE TOOK A STEP UP TO STAND WITH WOO. but since san is a bit taller.. that automatically makes him rank a bit higher. bc his height quite literally puts him higher than wooyoung. i don’t make the rules.. woo should’ve grown more. LMAO

anyway so that!! is it!! they were so fucking good as ALWAYS (tho i liked last tour’s setlist a bit more.. but we got mist this time so i happy also i am THE biggest new world stan choi san the man that u are today and choi jongho the talent that u have) the vocals were on point the performance was perfect the outfits were so gorg mingi’s hair wasn’t it for me we had a lot of fun the tinys behind me barked yeosang’s hair was SOOOO LONG yeah anyway IT WAS GREAT and why tf are the spaces between paragraphs on my phone so fucked like this looks so ugly i’m sorry if this is an ugly piece of text in ur asks but !!! whatever 😍 pls do look up that wooyoung video… idk if anyone posted it but.. i’m drooling /hj oh and i cheered very loud for yunho!!!

HI ALKJDF;ALSKDJF

screaming the amount of detail here i love it its like we're penpals omg but YAAAAAYYYYYY IM GLAD YOU HAD FUN !!!!

pls when they were in the us... i preordered all of my merch through one of the popups but um ..... yeah i still bought more merch at every show i went to it was so bad i think i collected nearly every shirt/sweatshirt possible idk i blacked out SO PROPS TO YOU FOR STAYING STRONG !!!!

AKDJFSFJSLDJK THE PINK HAIR ....... i dont dislike it but its not my fave on him lol i think maybe after a few washes when its less ... neon itll be better LKJALKSDFJALDKJF BUT THATS FAIR AND yeah hj .... mmmmmmmmmmmm he is scrumptious always and IN PERSON ..... HHGHGHGKSGLKJ im normal about him. i always am... AND SAN !!!!!!! SJKLDFJASDF im sure we'll get oreo woo back one day .... i hope .... it was too iconic to be gone forever

PLEASE THAT EXPLANATION IM SCLKJRELAKJSJF IT MAKES SENSE THOUGH !!!! my best friend was a jongho bias .... until we saw them and somewhere between the start and the finish wooyoung SNATCHED HER SO AGGRESSIVELY HES ALL SHE TALKS ABOUT NOW PLEASLKEJLSESKJALKJFDS AND ........ im loyal im SO loyal like id never ever consider a double bias idk what anyone is even talking about (................................/s) BUT FR CHOI SAN? IN PERSON? BEFORE YOUR EYES? LIKE ANYONE WOULD BE TEMPTED THATS ALL I CAN SAY SO YOU'RE VALID SAN ANON SO VALID !

BUT YAYYY AGAIN IM SO GLAD YOU HAD FUN !!! living vicariously through this ask rn AKJDFLSKJFALSKJF omg idk which setlist i prefer honestly .... bc last tour i was sad about exactly 4 songs not being on the setlist and they all of them were added this tour ... but at the expense of my favorite title track ................ and also inception ..... so like .......... yeah idk LKAJLFDKJDSF BUT YAAYAYYY TY FOR SCREAMING FOR YUNHO AND TY FOR SHARING W ME I HOPE YOU'RE WELL !!! <3333

[floralbfs]

kinda depressed abt this semester tbh

[randombubblegum]

Comment 1: My take on song girl is after the Ciara dog girl stuff Awsten probably doesn’t want his gf talking about that stuff online. Not to hide it just don’t be public. When song girl was on twitch years ago she’d have little chats w people & I don’t think she thought this time would be different. At the end of her most recent twitch she went oh. Oh. And her eyes got super wide & I think she realized this was a mistake bc of who was watching & the questions. She hasn’t gone on since.

you make good points in this ask!! lemme go point by point lol

i didnt watch all the way to the end of her twitch stream (got bored) so i didnt see the moment youre talking about but yeah, she did get uncomfortable when people would hint they knew she had a bf. but even after she was CONSTANTLY talking about her bf, dropping hints she was seeing someone, talking about getting on european time for the exact duration awsten was in europe……. i dont think its like an unavoidable compulsion for ppl to talk about their significant others so that was like, a choice she was making in conversation to an audience? like i think she didnt realize people already knew, but also a really poor way to keep something apparently ~top secret~ private lol

also, i have to argue, she kinda is public?? she has an insta which is normal but she also has a twitch, with apparently a decent following/mods/subs/etc. id hardly call that private like you or me, yknow? before awsten she dated another musician, albeit one w a much smaller following, so its not like shes new to the idea of online fanbases i think

all that aside tho, like, i get what youre saying about not meaning to open herself up to scrutiny. i think you have a point and thats rly valid. my main thing, and a core belief i hold thats the reason i do literally any amount of discussion about parx on here: my tumblr is not meant to be viewed by the people im talking about, its NOT easy to find (ive never even typed her real name), and theres zero reason song girl (or dog girl, or awsten, or like literally anyone who knows parx) should know it exists much leas be seeing the things i say about them!!!! i rly dont believe they are. i dont wish this girl any ill will, i dont condone (and have specifically warned yall against) leaving comments or messaging her directly or like trying to make her feel bad/harass her. this is just a little tucked-away gossip corner to note the things she and awsten are making public. i guess i am a little harsh when i talk about her sometimes but really the one im mad at is awsten for treating girls like interchangeable clones lol -_-

but also that shit w your ex—i know EXACTLY what youre talking about and honestly your ex and his friends are assholes lol. without getting into too much detail ive been in that situation in different roles and like, friends of mine have actively unfollowed/cut off other friends for slinging mud about their (not abusive just regular) exes after a breakup. if youre warning people that someones abused you thats one thing but talking shit about your ex and having friends join in just to take them down a peg is shitty childish behavior. and it sucks!!!! so i get why you feel that way. i dont think this situation is the same but i get you lol

basically in summary yeah i think she doesnt know what shes gotten into but thats on awsten for not warning her lol. i dont think us making idle chatter on a tiny internet corner shell never reasonably see (and thus will never feel bad about) is the same as harrassment/bullying/deliberately trying to make her feel bad and thats def not my intention. i also dont care about her specifically but ya i agree w u on the principle of the thing. and no worries ur ask was rly thoughtful i appreciate it!!! :) thanks for expressing a logical opinion in a reasonable way lol i feel u

[soulwillower]

crush culture • richie tozier

(richie tozier x reader)

requested: fic where Richie and reader have been best friends since kindergarten, and have always had feelings for eachother secretly, until one day richie gets a girlfriend (just to take his mind off her), and the reader gets jealous and distances herself from him? he obviously gets upset by this- and things go on from there? sorry if it’s too specific! love u!

warnings: swearing, brief mentions of death, fighting, mentions of an abusive relationship, intentionally pissing off richie, a bit of angst, richie is an oblivious idiot, but reader is MUCH more of an idiot, like dude lmao, but i think that’s it, unedited tho

this isn’t rly based off crush culture, but i took the title from conan gray’s song :)  

[losers + reader are 18+ in this!!!]

3.8k words L O L :))

♡

you swear to god, you’re getting sick. that’s what this was, for sure.

it started about a month ago, when you started to get headaches and terrible hollow feelings in your stomach. it happened everywhere - in the line for coffee, in class, driving home from school, at the dinner table. but it got a hundred times worse at night and then seemed to triple in force every morning when you woke.

and it all came at you some time after richie announced he had a new girlfriend.

you were really sick the few days after that, enough that you stayed home from school and laid in bed, the pit in your stomach sinking. it didnt take long for you to realize how bad richie’s girlfriend was - she treated him like a dog, like he embarrassed her - and he didn’t even seem to mind. he just brushed off every offhand comment, rolled his eyes with a grin when she told him she didn’t want to see his friends or when she told him to stop talking. 

he still seemed to like her, anyways. and that thought made your stomach convulse.

so then you had to distance yourself from richie because it hurt you to see him with her. it hurt you to see him with someone who didn’t treat him like the incredible person he was. 

so yeah.

you say you’re sick, but you know that’s not really true. it’s easier than accepting reality at this point, though, so you spew this nonsense (to yourself, mostly) in order to justify ignoring your best friend of nearly a decade because christ, he is becoming unbearable.

like the other day, at lunch while you were all sitting in the courtyard. it was your first time eating with them again after almost a week and a half, as you’d been eating alone in your car recently to avoid richie. “rich, why’d you take off the nail polish?” bev asked, out of the blue, sounding disappointed as she grabbed his free hand and examined it.

he blew smoke out of his mouth slowly and you had forced yourself to look away, the sight of richie doing nearly anything these days being pretty dangerous for you. it also made you sigh a bit - you knew he only smoked at lunch now, since his girlfriend hated it.

“don’t want my paws to be prettier than y/n’s when we hold hands.” he had joked, wagging an eyebrow at you. you’d shook your head and looked to the ground in lew of a real response, just as you had been doing a lot recently.

you'd missed richie’s frown at your reaction, but you did catch his next statement as it was added on, “nah, actually it’s because the ol’ G-F didn’t like it. thought it looked too girly.”

you, stan, bev, and mike all stopped chewing to look at richie, in varying stages of bewilderment. you'd cleared your throat quickly but decided against speaking up just as richie’s phone started to ring. he’d answered it nearly immediately, the enthusiasm of which made you feel like you’re going to be sick again - because richie never answers your calls until the last possible minute.

god, jealousy is a fucking disease.

“hey, sugar.” he had purred suavely into the phone and for some reason, hearing him call someone else sugar had you abruptly rising, gathering your things and nearly running off to put as much distance between you and four-eyes as you possibly could, because you’re not sure how much more you could take.

after that, you were absolutely sure it was just pure denial on your part.

as far as you could tell, richie wasn't noticing too much. he still phoned your house every day, just to be met with your mother telling him you 'weren't available,' and then he'd call your own phone, which you'd let buzz itself into a dark hole on your bedside table while you stared at it solemnly, guilt heavy on your mind as he left voicemail after voicemail. 

he doesn't deserve it, you think as you open the doors to the school library, backpack on your shoulders. but you can't help it. you're not his girlfriend, and you're not mature enough to accept that with any ounce of elegance so instead you just ignore him all together. at least you're self-aware, right? that ought to count for something.

you shake your head just as a voice catches your attention, “well look who decided to show up!”

richie's sitting at the usual study table in the very back corner of the library, a spot tucked away by rows upon rows of dusty books and an alcove of couches. bill sits at the head of the table, scribbling his chicken scratch handwriting onto graph paper, mike next to richie with a textbook spread out flat. across from mike is stan, writing out his statistics work. 

all three of them wave at you before going back to their work, whereas richie just watches you expectantly. his feet are kicked up on the table, textbook balanced on his lap as he hovers on two leg chairs. his smile is as blinding as always, a dimple faint on his left cheek and full eyebrows raised in jest. his curls frame his face perfectly and you want to scream.

but you take your seat next to stan with a tight lipped smile, not really sure how to respond to richie. are you even allowed to be flirty with him like you used to? he still does it on the rare occasions when you do see each other - but that itself is the issue, you figure. his flirting is just a joke, a tiff from one friend to another. but you can't see him as just a friend, and that’s unfair to him.

so you stay quiet, which makes it infinitely more awkward.

richie clears his throat and you pull out your work with an awkward expression, the minutes slowly churning by in what has to be the quietest hangout with the Losers yet.

you feel the tension building in your body and in the air, and you're not sure what's wrong with you or why you have so much resentment towards richie in this moment, because he's not done one single thing to offend anyone in the last ten minutes.

then richie's phone rings suddenly and mike jumps a bit as he's startled out of the passage he's reading. you all look down to richie's screen, where his girlfriend's name blares up at you and all you can feel is white hot jealousy coursing through your body.

richie looks half way exhausted and annoyed at the call, which you find extremely odd and out of character, not to mention persistently frustrating.

as you all stare at the phone, the tension in the room stretches tighter and tighter, like a rubber band and you can't breathe -

"uh, why is she calling you?" mike asks, as if this was something that was forbidden or shocking in any way, and for some reason, that is finally it.

the rubber band snaps.

"how could you forget, mike? they're in love!" you say with mock enthusiasm. 

bill shoots you an alarmed look that you probably should read into or at least consider for a moment, but instead you're looking directly at richie, as if challenging him.

he blinks at you and clenches his jaw, "she and i haven't really been... talking recently." richie says lightly, shooting a glance to mike.

“well then maybe you’re just not right for each other.” you quip, the blood boiling in your veins. richie's eyes snap to you and you see the fire behind them as he suddenly breaks.

“sorry, did i miss the divine intervention when god floated down on a cloud of marshmallows and deemed you expert in relationships?” he says abruptly, making your eyes widen at his outburst. he continues, “because last time i checked, you’re a bit of a failure in that department. so i don't need some jealous, disappearing-act wannabe criticizing my life when she's barely even in it.” he seethes. it’s near quiet in the library anyways, but his words seem to silence the entire town.

with a quick glance to your right, stan and bill sharing an uncomfortable look, and mike is staring down intently at his work with wide eyes.

you want to die.

does richie know? has he known this whole time that you're just deeply, painfully head over heels for him? 

"i'm so sick of your bullshit. maybe you're jealous because you want what i had, but you’re being really fucking rude."

you nearly cry. or scream.

“criticism doesnt equal jealousy, okay?” you spit without thinking, immediately regretting even opening your mouth. you're so intent on covering for yourself, you don't even take into account the phrasing he'd used when referring to his girlfriend, instead fighting with richie in order to keep your secret from him.  

this is not how you’d intended today to go. he stares at you, eyebrows furrowed in a way that almost makes you keel over in sadness, the guilt of the situation falling too heavily on your shoulders and crushing you.

it’s tranquilizing to see him like this -  he's fuming, but he's also got bright, glistening eyes which you think may be filling up with tears.

“i didn’t really ask for your input, though.” he mutters, cheeks reddening as tears definitely well in his eyes behind his lenses. “you can’t just ignore me at your every whim just to come right back and tell me what's good for me.”

you blink, shaking your head quickly, deciding to back off. now is not the time to fight, especially when you know he’s right. you had no idea it was hurting him like this. "richie, i... i just wanted-" you gape at him, extremely embarrassed.

“-i don’t fucking care what you wanted, y/n.” richie says sharply, causing you to shut your mouth so quick your jaw clicks in the silence. clearly, even the other boys are perturbed by richie’s actions and everyone’s staring down in silence at their homework.

it’s quiet like that for a few minutes, the tension so thick that you’d need a jackhammer just to chip away at it. but stan rummages through his bag suddenly, pulling out two painkillers and dry swallowing them. you don't look at anyone else, your stomach hollow and your heart thumping so hard in your chest you think you may explode.

"d-do you have a headache?" bill asks, looking at stan with concern. the sudden voice causes you to perk up, head flowing with humiliation at the fight you and richie had just had in front of your friends.

“yeah, but it’s not that bad. i guess i’m used to it.” stan says, pen between his teeth.

“just because you’re used to something doesn’t make it any less unhealthy for you.” you say louder than necessary, your mouth suddenly deciding to speak without consulting your brain. 

the glare of pure frustration that richie throws you pierces your lungs and suddenly makes you feel lightheaded. 

your pettiness doesn’t go unresponsive, of course, and mike sighs into his hands, standing up to gather his things. "alright. i can't study when you two are like this. i'll see you guys later."

richie sighs quietly and bill and stan mumble good-bye's. the library goes back to quiet for maybe three more minutes, until you see stanley start to fidget like he usually does when he's anxious. and then you notice it after a few seconds, too.

richie won't stop tapping his foot on the desk.

for everyone's sake, you try to ignore it, because you know richie can't help his compulsions - especially when he's upset (which, your mind painfully reminds you, is all your fault).

but it's driving you crazy.

“-if you keep doing that i’ll throw you out that fucking window rich, i swear.” stan mutters not unkindly, his eyes rolling to meet richie with a concerned gaze as richie stares out the window.

you raise your eyebrows, “what’re you even looking at?” you ask, trying to mend a bit of the open, festering wound you’d created in you and richie’s friendship.

without looking at you, richie shrugs. “checking to see how high the drop is. may be worth it to have schnoz just toss me down. it would certainly do you a favor right? gettin ol’ trashmouth gone for good.”

what was he saying? you look at him, scandalized. stan and bill don’t even say anything about the offensive nickname as you gape at richie. "what the fuck?" is all your brilliant mind can think.

"what, you can dish it but you can't take it?" richie says sharply. he shakes his head, looking upset. "i'm tired of trying to be friends with a fucking brick wall."

then he's gathering his one notebook and swiftly exiting your alcove in the library in a wind of cigarettes and cologne. 

you blink, his words sinking in and making you sigh shakily. your stomach feels hollow as you remember the expression of glee on his face when you'd walked into the library, and how completely different and broken he'd looked as he'd left. you think you're going to cry.

“every minute that you don't follow him digs yourself deeper into this grave, you know.” stan says, giving you a stern but encouraging look.

you let out a shaky sigh and scramble to grab your bag, tripping over your feet as you run out of the library, flying down the staircase faster than you've ever gone and making it to your lifelong best friend just as he reaches his car in the parking lot.

"-a brick wall?" you ask, out of breath. you see richie hold back an eye roll, his arms crossing over each other as he serves you a look of discomposure.

he shrugs helplessly, looking as if he's at his wit's end.

"what do you want me to say, y/n? you've been avoiding me for weeks. i know i'm annoying and obnoxious and whatever, but i'm not blind." he says, making you swallow as guilt pangs through your chest. you have been so fucking selfish, haven't you?

it hurts to hear him say that about himself. 

he sniffles a bit, sounding choked up as he goes on, "i've had a rough couple of days - weeks, even. but every time i'm near, it's like you've had more than enough, and you just leave. am i that repulsive? why do you suddenly hate me?" he asks, looking desperate as his eyes rim red, filling with tears again.

“what did i do?” his voice cracks as he whispers the sentence and your heart breaks in two.

your own vision goes glassy as he continues, "-i've needed you, y/n/n. i'm lost, i'm seriously not okay and you just don't care at all."

you're stunned for a moment, mouth opening and closing silently as your mind races to rush something out, anything,because you aren't sure you can bear to see richie look at you like this for one more second. but your silence comes off wrong to richie, and tears slip out of his eyes.

“don’t you love me?” he asks, voice hoarse and cutting right through you, deeper than any knife ever could. "don't you want me to be happy?" he adds and you take a shaky breath, looking helplessly at him, where you're met with nothing but glassy eyes and tear trails. your heart is slamming in your chest, tears falling from your eyes and you can't breathe.

"a-are you?" you ask, trying to keep your tone even although it comes out just as vulnerable as you feel. “h-happy. with her?”

richie freezes at your words, mouth slightly open and you watch a single tear course over his high cheekbones and down to his bottom lip as it shakes faintly. you curse yourself for the longing to feel those very lips against yours.

"i was." he whispers, voice shaking as he rubs his face with his hand under his glasses, the moisture of his fallen tears clinging from his long dark lashes onto his slender, shaking fingers. "and then - and then i lost you. and y'know, i got my girlfriend so i could distract myself, but she made me feel like absolute shit all the time and so i went and broke up with her, but -" he hiccups through his tears and you blink, biting your lip as tears cascade down your cheek in wet trails.

they broke up?

he broke up with her, and he's going through this breakup and trying to better himself after she tore him down and you've just been ignoring him - he thinks you don't care about him, that you don't love him. you start to cry harder. 

"-i thought she'd distract me from you. i-i'm sorry." he says, his voice muffled by his hands as they cover up his angelic face, his shoulders shaking as more tears fall. "i'm so sorry."he repeats. 

you see double for a second, completely shocked by his words as the breath leaves your lungs. he tried to distract himself from you... and he’s so hurt because of what you did. 

but finally, for the first time this whole damn day, you find the right words. "i-no, richie, i'm sorry, please - fuck." you break, letting out a sob as you rub your eyes furiously in search of any relief from the guilt ripping you in two. "i didn't mean to hurt you. i'm so sorry, i can't believe i did this, i didn't want to hurt you, i'm just so selfish." you babble, his sniffles making you open your eyes.

he looks so alone and so vulnerable as he hugs his arms around himself in search of comfort, tears still falling from his bright eyes and down his rosy cheeks. 

he looks devastatingly beautiful in the golden sunlight of the afternoon, a breeze ruffling his curls lightly. "just please, i can't - i can't deal with you hating me. please, please, please."

he's pleading with you and you think you may be sick from the guilt and sadness that envelopes you, so you spring forward and wrap your arms tightly around him. the force of your body pushes him against the side of his car and the way he clings back to you like you're the last thing holding him to earth just makes you cry even harder.

"i don't hate you, richie. i love you, i love you too much." you say, your body shaking as he just holds you tighter against him. "i'm so sorry, i didn't mean any of it. you're right. i was just jealous... i'm so sorry. i was so jealous of her, i couldn't see you be with her." you mumble. "i'm so sorry."

richie pulls you back gently at your words, his eyes wide and wondering as you look at each other. "what?" he asks so innocently, his eyelashes wet and dark and his lips parted. 

you can count the freckles on his nose and cheeks, you're so close. you can feel his shuddering breath against your face as he huffs in a breath. your hands hold onto his shoulders and you decide to fuck it, you just have to tell him how sorry you are, to explain yourself.

"richie, i'm in love with you. and - and when you and her got together, it hurt so much, and i didn't want to deal with the fact that i couldn't have you, so i just ignored you. i’m sorry, i’m so sorry." you say it quickly and in one breath, looking down at your shoes and how they point straight towards his.

"you're in... love with me?" he says weakly, sounding hopeful as you finally look back into his eyes guiltily. 

you laugh wetly, "of course i am, richie. how could i not fall head over heels for everything about you?"

he tears up again at your words, but this time it's accompanied by a beautiful smile and a light, wet laugh. he shakes his head, his arms circling your waist tighter as he presses his forehead against yours. your butterflies tickle your stomach at your proximity.

"fuck, y/n. i can't believe i spend my time trying to get my mind off you." he says and your breath hitches a bit. "do you have any idea how long i've been in love with you?" he asks quietly, and you let out another small laugh out of shock, but it's wet and gleeful.

"i'm sorry." you whisper, your finger curling around a strand of the dark hair on his head. he shakes his head, your noses rubbing slightly. "it's okay, y/n. i love you so much. please let me forgive you." he says, pulling a smile out of you that you don't think anybody else ever could. you nod shortly, looking into his eyes as one last tear falls. 

he kisses you tenderly then, taking your breath away.

richie fills up your every sense as he clings to you desperately, his lips salty from your combined tears and his arms strong. his tongue is gentle as it runs along your lips and enters your parted mouth, one of his hands sliding up to tilt your head up towards him. you're breathless because of him for the millionth time in your life and you decide kissing richie is the only thing you want to do forever. 

you pull away slowly, and as you lean back he presses a chaste second kiss to your lips, causing you to grin. 

you barely make eye contact as you pull apart and then you greedily pull him back to you, his lips finding yours yet again with a sweet, loving laugh.

"i love you too, rich." you mumble against his lips. he sighs almost dreamily as you pull back, biting your lip and laughing when he opens the passenger door, gesturing to it with a shy grin.

"now can i please buy you a burger?" he asks, almost bashfully, and your heart does somersaults. you nod and kiss him again, his hand falling to the small of your back, palm wide and fingers lower than you'd expected. he pulls away and his grin is loving, his eyes hooded in pride as you caress his cheek softly before you slide into the car seat.

he holds your hand the whole night and refuses to let go until you slip through your front door at near midnight, blushes on both of your cheeks and lips kiss-bruised.

the butterflies you feel as you fall asleep with a grin on your face are the exact same ones richie feels as his head finally hits the pillow, a giddy smile on his own face as he smiles to himself in the dark halfway across town.

tag list: @gabiatthedisco @blisshemmings @stenbrozier @simplesammyx@brxken-heartsclub @clownsloveyou @baby-yoda-a @moon-shine-baby  @daughter-of-the-stars11 @trashedfortozier @oceandog13 @finnskindofwoman @kait-tozier   @upamongthestarss @fiantomartell @beverlyparkerr @beauregard-s  @leighjaenikhowell @cowbellies @deepestofwaters

[moidse]

Yo sometimes i rly feel like screaming and like i have no one i can talk to about dis 😭😭😭

FuCK!!!!! I feel so damn like sexually repressed and like i get horny from THEE smallest things its STUPId and embarrassing.

Ive been soooOOoo sexually repressed this past year and its driving me up the wall. I should not be this horny by dykes giving me the smallest bit of attention--No, i shouldnt be getting this horny/turned on by these dykes, who like arent even insanely my type, like thats also the gag-- i feel like my body is soooooo desperate that im like ���👅 at the slightest bit of attention a dyke gives me, even if its just friendly... like im so desperate i feel like im seeing what i want to see...

Im sooo horny to have sex with not my partner its fucked and sad and i need to end things but its hard because we live together and are lives are so intertwined at this point and also i do not have any support here outside of them. I truly didnt realize what i was getting into when i moved here. I thought i would be living with them for only a few months but i quickly realized i couldnt afford to move out and my mental health has been the worst this year because of it/this/feeling trapped and stuck in a situation i no longer want to be in... it quickly turned into, im in this relationship for survival purposes which is no good.

Like, i like them, they are a great person and i want to still be in their life, but i so badly want to be able to flirt and mingle with ppl here. I want to have sex with someone else, anyone else, SoOoOOo bad. Like rly rly bad. So bad that v*** just calling me babe gets me slightly turned on and has me fantasizing about them throwing me against a wall asdffkdklsksis fuuuuck i wanna be fucked bad :( lollllll.

Fuck, its hard out here... damn, what scares me is the unknown... i do not know how to nicely end things when are lives are so interwined and we live togrther and share a car and so much shit like how do i just leave this ??? I def need to make friends here which is what im doing... but it hurts my heart that i feel like i cant tell anyone how i feel... because i dont want judgement but also i need to talk to someone and figure out an exit strategy so i know its possible and i can see a path to leaving this situation... fuck... and i dont even wanna think about how hurt they will be :/ it sucks but im not doing them any favors by being with them and knowing in my heart i don't see a future and i so badly want to be with someone new.

I just feel trapped and like i dont know how to leave this in a good way or like trying to be considerate i guess... how van i break up and hurt them the least??? Which is stupid because they will be hurt no matter what... ugh

.. fuck me...

I feel bad that i dont find them attractive anymore.. i feel shallow... also tho i have always felt we didnt have a sexual spark and i just hate how i got to this place by continously not listening to my gut for years telling me this aint it... and they would try to convince me that things can get better and we can work on it but you cant work on just being incompatible...

It sucks but i do feel like i need to move out and not just down stairs and i know its gonna hurt them but i cant keep this up another year... im dying inside... my spirit is crushed and repressed... i hate it here!!! Lol... but fr i cant do another year of this situation...

Every once in a while i feel like i can do this but i deep down know im just like tolerating them... im not passionate about being with them, i dont feel a spark or butterflies, i dont rly like kissing them or them touching me... like its not hot... im just not into them like that and i feel like i have to perform and i cant 24/7 which is why my mental health has been the worst this year... i cant keep doing this to myself and them... i just... it just sucks and its scary but it will be okay eventually and having friends to rely on during this time will be critical i think...

I should talk to a therapist.. but maybe i could reach out to a few friends and say i need support right now and asking if they are open to texts, or phone calls because i just need someone to talk to soon...

[kalofi]

Bro just the way u like. Draw the cast it makes me so happy its unreal....can u pls spill sum hcs u got for the crew?

AH THANK YOU !!!!! um im rly bad at coming up with hcs they usually just happen when i draw but i’ll try to sum up the silly little thoughts i have about the cast !! about two for each :)

gordon

kinda canon, but he just says stuff. like most of the time without thinking. so sometimes he comes off as insensitive but he just does NOT have a brain to mouth filter. this has gotten him in a lot of trouble but also can b rly fucking funny. some old jerk scientists will be like oh dr freeman didnt you wear that exact shirt yesterday(smug) and gordon without looking up from the photocopier and only half paying attention will b like well u wear that same face everyday and i don’t hear anyone else complaining. and then the other scientist will try to hold in their tears as they walk away. gordon does not give this a second thought ❤️

extremely smart but also just so dumb. u know what i mean. also he loves fishing but hates hiking. he also doesn’t know the first about how cars work and has no idea how to differentiate between brands or models. gordon “help girl i don’t know what breeds of cars there are” freeman.

benry

me n cecil (@/mint-bees) were talking about this once but benry usually just dresses comfortably cause it’s easy but if they want to dress up they WILL. extremely good fashion sense which surprises everyone cause like. benry can dress?? the same benry who wears tuxedo shirts unironically?? THAT benry??? but they just wear shittyass clothes cause they find em funny and also they just like em

benry is so bad with animals. like they try to be friendly but most creatures are scared of them lol. sunkist is the only dog who would even get near benry and that took a couple months of interaction to achieve. don’t be mistaken tho sunkist wasn’t afraid of benry she just didn’t like them lol

tommy

TOMMY MY FRIEND TOMMY. pls excuse me projecting onto him but tommy loves jewelry. collecting it, wearing it, etc. he’s just super into it and he especially likes metal-type jewelry cause of the clinking sound they make when they hit each other. his favorite designs of jewelry are fun litle things like fruit or candy or just miscellaneous objects. he finds them super cute!! also, the brighter the color the more drawn to it he will b. tommy is like a crow in which he sees a neon or shiny color and his eyes zero in on it and he needs it now now NOW!!!!!!

this is based off that one comic i made but tommy can just. consume stuff without actually...eating it?? like if he wants to eat a breadroll he can just hold it in his hand and like. absorb its energy. from an outsiders perspective it just looks like that object is slowly phasing out of existence. in retrospect it’s kind of a useless ability and tommy likes the stimulation of chewing so he doesn’t use it that much except as a fun party trick ❤️

also tommy was adopted by gman but he still has powers cause gman just passed them onto him. think all might passing his quirk onto midoriya but without the hair eating. tommy spent time in his childhood after being adopted trying to hone his skills but he’s still a little unsteady to this day. in that way he’s kinda more dangerous than gman sometimes cause he can’t completely control his powers

bubby

i think this is kind of agreed on within the fandom but bubby loves cooking. black mesa food was ASS. utter ASS. so once he gets out he goes all out with experimenting on what he does and doesn’t like. they’re pretty bad at cooking at first but they’re pretty stubborn so eventually they get it!!

i feel like it’s funny if bubby was one of those ‘oh in my day-‘ old ppl but like also he likes to b pretty up-to-date with whatevers currently popular. hence the ‘NUT UP OR SHUT UP!’ and ‘i believe the kids say you pogged it!’ gordon hears bubby use the word lit once and has to sit down for a moment to process.

also unrelated but bubby only likes two video games and they are tetris and pac-man. this is simply bc years ago i asked my mom what video games she liked and she was like ‘i hate video games the only one i like is pac-man’ and i thought it was the funniest shit. me n my siblings still make fun of her for that

coomer

DR COOOMEEERRR !!! we all know dr coomer is extremely impulsive if he wants smth he WILL get it by any means necessary. he is very bad at thinking of long term consequences, he just sees the product of the now and if he likes it he will go for it. the reason he allowed himself to b cloned by black mesa even tho it was extremely new and unsafe technology was bc he was like wow! that is just so cool! and didn’t give it any thought beyond that. i feel like the reason dr coomer has so many body modifications(power lungs, extendo arms, etc) is bc of the long term affects on the body of the cloning process. like yeah in the long run it may have caused for him to need to get a replacement heart but also: clones 😼

this has been said b4 but dr coomer is p bad at comforting ppl. like don’t get me wrong he tries but most of the time when trying to comfort someone he’ll just go off on tangents. in that sense he’s bad at it cause he usually doesn’t know what to say but also surprisingly it helps bc most of the time he says the most absurd thing that just cause ppl to. snap out of it. at least for awhile.

[effervescentdragon]

okay so i gotta talk abt castlevania s4 and how it was relevant for me, and if you haven't seen it, this is gonna be spoilers all around, and if you dont want to read an overshare of a rant of mine, just skip this post, i love you still

i've been having the worst year out of all years of my life, including the year i was in a coma for like a month and a half. my mom was hospitalised and operated on bcs shit got seriously fu*ked up in her head, and me and my sister rushed to her from countries A and B to country C to take care of stuff. she got better, but, some 20 days after that, i went back to country A, and my sister to country B, when only my sisters intuition that sth was wrong made it possible to discover that our dad had a serious brain stroke in B. mom was in physical therapy in C, and i was stuck in country A bcs i wasnt yet vaccinated and i have 2 of the high risk diagnoses for covid and country B is like, the worst abt everything, especially healthcare. so i couldn't get to him, and my sis was left alone to deal w/ stuff before mom also came, and i lowkey fell apart a bit, bcs anyone who knows me, knows how attached i am to my dad.

so while waiting for news abt whats gonna happen, i stayed w my bff for some days. and i went and lit candles in a church bcs i knew it means a lot to my dad, and eid came and we all spent it together, and then i sat down one morning when i woke up at 6 and couldnt sleep so i was like. huh. i rmbr being excited abt castlevania s4. lets watch it, how much worse can it get?

and the thing is, they set up s3 in a way that made it pretty obvious how it could go. Alucard slaughtering the twins was a very cliched setup for him to turn Evil Like His Dad, and i was rly worried thats what was gonna happen, and Trevor and Sypha just had a huge disappointment happen and I was worried they would have relationship issues and i was just like "fuck. They're gonna make everything awful, aren't they?", but i was v numb and v tired and v commited to watch it. So i did.

And guess what. Guess fucking what. They didnt. They fucking didnt make everything awful, in fact, they made nothing awful. They made everything fucking happy. Alucard talked about his issues with, or more like at Greta, who is amazing and i will love her to death. He doesnt turn bad or evil, he just kinda. Grows up. And Sypha and Trevor talk, communicate, healthily, and there is no cheap thrills in their relationship. And Hector and Lenore are as fucked up as they can be, but he lets her die, which was the only fitting fate. And Carmilla gets to go out as a badass she is, knowing she would lose, but still giving it her all. And my favorite vampire lesbians survive and are still together (and holy fuck how awesome is Striga in that day-armour holy fuck). And you know what the best part is?

They all get a fucking happy ending. They all get a fucking happy ending, omfg, i haven't seen that in such a long time! A proper fucking happy ending, where the story arcs arent fucking tragic just because of a drama element, nope, no sir, if someone died, it was the best thing for them when alternative is taken into account.

And they could have gone the other way. They couldve made it realistic, and tragic, and just plain fuvking stupid. They fucking set tge scene for that kinda ending. But they didnt. They made them all happy, and together, and laughing, and just.. fucking wholesome, as much as sth gory as castlevania can be.

And i was just. So happy? Like, i cried af, and my bff was like "no spoilers" and i didnt say anything i just cried and felt kinda optimistic abt the future. So yeah. I just wanted to say that i'll never forget how in the worst period of my lifw so far, i went in expecting to be hurt af, and i wasnt, bcs someone said "fuck all this shit, thwres enough sadness and meaningless death in the world, lets have everyone happy and hale and awesome and alive and give them a happy ending". And its a bit ironic how that phrase has been synonymous w d**ney, and yet i havent seen one thing from that shitshow give even half a thought to the notions of "character development" and "happy ending" as much as Castlevania, an r-rated gory fucking cartoon did.

So. I just. I love castlevania s4 so much, im smiling even as i write this. And its a good memory from a v bad time, and i just. Appreciate the decisions the writers and creators and producers made about it more than i xan ever say.

And yeah, this is biased, and personal af, but honestly idgaf, we can talk abt colonialism and feminism and all that sometime else. Bcs this post exist for two reasons only. No. 1, for me to get some things off my chest in my usual way of identifying w a piece of media up to an unhealthy amount, and 2., for me to say that we all deserve a happy ending here and there.

[cvastals]

i brought forrest in like a month n a half ago then panic dropped him bt hes back w a vengeance......... this intro is fully jst copy n pasted from when i originally posted it bt . tosses it out anyway in case anyone hasnt read it before winks n struts into the sunset

* zethphan smith-gneist, demiboy + he/they | you know forrest abbott, right? they’re twenty-two, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, their whole life? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to bizarre love triangle by new order like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole golden retriever excitement when someone strikes up conversation, paint streaked overalls worn without care, polaroids of places travelled scattered across the wall thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 23rd, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered.

background.

for 10 years it was just forrest and his mama lydia in their cozy little trailer at lilac ridge, he’s never met his dad who left as soon as he discovered she was pregnant, not really interested in raising a kid with someone who struggled to get by even while working three jobs

from a young age forrest had to take care of himself since his mama worked sm, but he always got the concept that it was for him to live a good life and necessary for them to get by, she rly showed it well by making sure he knew how much she loved him whenever she cld b around :’)

it was around this time that things were starting to look up - his mama met a really nice man named marcel n while things moved really fast for them they seemed to be a perfect match, soon she was engaged and giving birth to triplets and they even moved into his place in aquila drive, everything was coming up roses

unfortunately as soon as things were good they sort of came to an immediate crash - lydia n marcel tried for another bebe before their wedding but she ended up having a miscarriage :( this sort of sent her into a depressive spiral for a really, really long time

it was bad enough that marcel eventually had enough, she wouldn’t take her medication, wouldn’t talk to a therapist, couldn’t even get out of bed, so he said she had to shape up or go back to their place in lilac ridge, and stubborn as she was she packed everything up that night and the 5 of them went back to their little trailer, this time with a lot less room and a lot more responsibility on forrest’s shoulders

since he was about 14 he’s juggled an abundance of jobs to help his family, it was especially hard when they moved back to lilac ridge, he mostly took care of his little brothers and mum when he could but he had school and work on top of it, it rly was the sort of stress no one shld go thru but he did at a rly young age for quite a long time

details.

still lives at lilac ridge w his family, his mum got a pretty well paying job as a psw but it’s still difficult when u have three 12 year olds running around so forrest watches over them a lot while working as a tour guide at the aquarium, selling art pieces at community events, and odd photography jobs, whatever will put money on the table

grew up incredibly shy and pretty anxious, he’s just used to people leaving so it’s hard for him to trust but he’s also a classic golden retriever boy, if people give him an inch he’ll take it right away but he struggles with approaching people himself, definitely wasn’t too popular in school bc of this

did a double major at the community college for photography and visual arts :yum:

he tries not to doo Too many photography jobs cuz he loves it more as his escape than anything, travels around irving a lot to find random locations and will just spend hours taking pictures, u cant see any of the walls in his tiny bedroom theyre jst covered in his own pictures and art

could paint for hours too tbh, does a lot of art classes whenever he has time and money to spare

has never been in a relationship or even with anyone, the most he’s done frankly is casual make outs at parties or wtvr, always kinda chickens out if it ever goes any further……….. has not picked up on the fact that hes a demisexual/demiromantic king<3 probs doesnt even kno what that is LKSHDGKLHSDG

bc of this wtvr friendships hes made hes definitely romanticized, frankly by accident, he can just grow attached quite easily and since hes demiromantic anytime hes ever had a crush on someone its been ppl hes close to n has learned to trust. it confuses him a lot. LKSDHGKLHSDLG

constantly walks around in paint covered clothes.

obsessed w 80s pop its easily his fav genre (taste)

ok i think thts all……….. i hv rn……………….. lks around hands on hips

connections.

childhood friends!!

also ppl who forced their way into his life, basically jst approached him first n as soon as they showed him any sort of kindness n affection he was automatically like . ok we’re attached fr life sis<3

neighbours at lilac ridge?? mayhaps??

ppl at parties who’ve made a move or he’s hooked up w but when it came down to the Nitty Gritty he was like . oh………….. i think my mums calling me……….. i gtg……………………….. jst no explanation. LKSHDGKLHDSGL

i rly lov the idea of him hvin someone he loves to use as his muse……. either fr his art or photography<3

mayb someone who he actually was almost in a relationship w once upon a time bt it jst didnt work out, timing was off or he backed out cuz he felt bad that he probs cldnt give them his full attention w helping his family etc.

coworkers at the aquarium!!

old college classmates/ppl who take art classes w him??

ok i think those r all the ideas i hv rn. we can also brainstorm. lets get wild.