#and i want to seek comfort from friends but i feel so bad abt it and i cant even outright ask to be comforted bc then ill admit im doing

[thestarmaker]

The thing abt spending pretty much all your teenage years being treated like shit by most of your "friends" is that it's so so hard to believe people *enjoy* spending time with you. Like sorry, people WANT to hang out and LIKE my personality? They don't just wanna make fun of or do things specifically without me??? It's possible??? 🥹

[kroosluvr]

temptation

i lowkey have too many notes to write down properly KDFHKDS but ill write them down for Future Cele so i can read it later and be like omggg past cele ur so fun and interesting

in general, the more "color" the scenes have, the closer it is to "real life" as opposed to the muted/hushed winter blues of maruki's reality

i.e. the dark frames w akira smiling and the very last panel are when reality sinks in: first for akira, then for goro

by the way this is long winter au but sumire is still brainwashed. this also works for canonverse but i just had long winter au in mind:o

youve heard of laundry and taxes now get ready for coffee and pastries

in every panel, akira is smiling! :) and goro is very much not smiling.

intentionally his face is hidden in the last 2 pages so its unclear whether it's the "ideal reality" already (akira/goro's daydreams/wants/desires), or if goro is still fighting akira on making sure he picks the right choice

the smoke from the first page kinda leads into the 3rd page omfg COMPLETELY UNINTENTIONAL BUT REALLY COOL LMAOOO

that's nameless and belladonna in jazz jin!!! i love them. I LOVETHEM. i miss them so bad is it obvious

the cafe is loosely based off of caffe strada @ uc berkeley LMAO. my parents used to take me there a lot as a little kid so that's the first cafe i think of when i imagine one. its like right on the streetside, basically on the sidewalk, so its very bustling and people are always walking by... probably a little disconcerting to see everyones summery bright smiles despite the bitter cold and snow

in long winter AU, the Ideal Reality starts before 1/1 so yeah they get to see the new years fireworks together (or something)

also intentional that they wear the same winter outfits in the whole comic although it Probably does not take place at the same time. in maruki's snowglobe, time seems frozen in place... but akira and goro are both acutely aware that the sands are running thru QUICK

goro's frustrated expression on page 3 is one also of disdain: "don't speak FOR me you fucking imbecile" type of expression.

goro, who's never lived a normal life and therefore doesn't know much abt "normalcy" nor really actively seeks it. this 3rd semester is basically purgatory for him and he doesn't care to try and go through the motions the way akira does. akira what do YOU know about the type of "normalcy" i deserve? how do YOU know if i "deserve" that?

im thinking that this is a naive akira who is mostly set on taking the deal because he feels hopeless... seeing all his friends with good happy lives while goro and himself are alive and miserable and shouldering the weight of the world during the horror of long winter......

oh but if he takes the deal they could all be good and alive and happy!!!.... and goro knows this. i feel like in any other universe (i.e. akira is 100% certain on not taking the deal and goro knows this) then goro would be happy and carefree to do these little indulgences for himself and akira's sake, to just enjoy the snowglobe world while it exists.

but this goro is discontent. he sees how akira is enjoying the snowglobe and knows maruki is depending on this. goro has to be the one to remind akira that none of this is his to keep........ in this fucked up world, routine is dangerous. becoming comfortable is dangerous. they cannot keep any of this.

on that note, goro says "i hate you" in a halfhearted sort of way (it's not true and akira knows that.) but he's trying to think of a way that he can dissuade akira from picking the wrong choice.....

and i think the thing is, goro thinks all of this, but he still falls into the rhythm of routine with akira anyway. in a way, goro feels hopeless too.

all of this is maruki's doing........ paralyzed by the inability to choose... whatever you do, you lose. goro needs to hold akira at arm's length so the stupid sentimental fool doesn't get too attached and falls into the wrong universe. akira needs to make a concentrated effort to detach himself from goro even though he wants the simplest thing in the world: just one more unremarkable day with him. it's lose-lose..........,

also i liked drawing the tentacles in the last pic the freaking blue lines on them were SO satisfying to draw

edit: also the last page: the blood flooding the panel….. the idea of the ideal world being built off of the blood and sweat and tears and bodies of the people who could have been. of those lost in the actualization, of those destroyed, of those stitched together and brought back to life. all just for a little false happiness. goro sees it but akira doesn’t, and it’s a grim sight.

[hannieehaee]

Hello! What abt svt & their reaction/rls to foreign staff members? As in maybe translators that are with them on tour?

you being a foreign staff member

content: these are mostly implied to be platonic, fluff, foreign reader (non-korean), most of these reactions assume you speak english and korean as an additional language, etc.

wc: 881

a/n: i loved this concept honestly!! id love to write a longer fic about a language barrier fic or a translator staff member :0

masterlist

seungcheol -

being leader, he sometimes would feel the brunt of taking on interviews and such in english, not always being able to understand what's being asked of him. he would turn to you before and after any interviews or social interactions that involved english to clarify anything he didnt understand. would have a lot of respect and admiration for you, thinking you to be super smart for being able to translate so effortlessly.

jeonghan -

would sometimes strike conversation in japanese just to throw you off. he'd even ask joshua to teach him some phrases in english to throw you off even further by suddenly switching languages. would do the same with jun and throw some chinese at you too. however, he would still converse with you in korean often to get you to accompany him and a few of the members during outings in order to translate.

joshua -

he'd be happy to have another person to speak english to, always seeking you out whenever he got tired of not being able to speak his native language. since the two of you both had korean as an additional language you'd learned, the two of you would relate a lot and mutually gravitate towards each other.

jun -

he has a tendency of going live on weverse and going back and forth between korean and chinese, even teaching carats a few phrases in both languages. this makes me think that he might seek the same from you. he would ask you to translate phrases into whichever language you knew and would even teach you stuff in chinese back.

soonyoung -

he's always trying to learn new words from his the comments on his weverse lives, so i think he would come to you with that same curiosity. he would be fascinated by how easily you went back from one language to another and ask you to teach him how you do it. would be super cute about it too, following you around whenever you were assigned to go on tour or to events with them and rambling questions at you.

wonwoo -

he mentioned in a fansign recently that he wants to learn a lot of languages, so i think he would be somewhat fascinated by you and how well you spoke korean despite it not being your first tongue. would maybe even seek you out directly to strike conversation about linguistics.

jihoon -

he's expressed before that he thinks his english is bad, so he might be a bit shy to speak it. he might look to you for help whenever he happened to go out or find himself in social situations overseas, sticking by you in order to avoid awkward social situations. he would be forever thankful to you for always helping him out and would come directly to you any time he needed help or wanted to learn something new in that language.

seokmin -

he's so outgoing he would probably not even need you to direct yourself at him in korean to become friends with you. since you'd be around a lot, he would do his best to make you feel comfortable while also getting your help in learning a bit more english to communicate with carats. to him it'd be a two birds one stone type of situation; he gets a new friend and gets to find new ways to talk to his fans.

mingyu -

super interested in interacting with you. he loves to learn and is always hoping to strike conversation with new people he meets, so he would have tons of questions for you as to what words to say and how to say them. being the friendly guy that he is, you two would likely become fast friends due to how often he came to you with questions.

minghao -

he's said before he wants to learn english and how hard he's been working towards it, so he would come to you with any questions and even asking you to tag along if he were ever to want to go out during tour. he'd become friends with you very easily and exchange his knowledge in chinese for your knowledge in english.

seungkwan -

he'd be immediately curious about you, seeing as you didn't seem to be a regular staff member. upon finding out you were a translator he'd try to communicate with you in broken english, completely forgetting that you'd obviously know korean. after that, he would consistently ask for your help in learning important phrases in english and praising you for your expertise at speaking multiple languages.

vernon -

as someone who had to learn korean as a second language very young (and then retain his english language after moving to korea), he would probably relate to you a lot and befriend you very easily. he would seek you out to dust off his english and the two of you would likely hit it off right away.

chan -

being the future of kpop, of course he needs to know a bit more english, or at least that's what he tells you any time he comes to you with yet another inquiry as to what some random post he saw online means. he knows he can just use an online translator (or ask an english-speaking member), but he would trust your judgment more.

[catacombbee]

school bus graveyard headcanons because im thinking about them

and because im projecting

just general / random headcanons

Tyler has arachnophobia and entomophobia. creepy crawlies are a HARD NO for Mr. Hernandez. Jackass bullies? No problem. Phantoms trying to eat him? Easy. Tree? Been there, done that. Fucking spiders? get it the FUCK away. mans has a visceral skin crawling reaction to even SEEING something creepy crawlie. it's one of the only things that makes him seriously panic other than yk someone being hurt

Ashlyn has autism yes this is basically canon i think. BUT Ashlyn has a lot of texture sensitivities both with clothes and with food. itchy scratchy clothes are a no. she cannot stand t-shirts keeping their tags they rub and scratch her neck and it makes her want to scream. she cuts the tags out before wearing anything. and food she can't have anything too squishy or tough or else she just loses her appetite entirely.

^^ to build on the clothing tags. everyone else in the group cuts the tags out of their jackets/hoodies and some shirts so if Ashlyn wants to borrow something she can be comfortable

Aiden is down bad for someone wearing his clothes. this can apply to any ship you want, i like him with Ashlyn Tyler or Logan (ive like never seen any talk abt Aidgan? Loden?) but regardless. whoever it is Aiden likes he gets so giddy butterflies giggly seeing someone wear his clothes. this is moreso for Ashlyn or maybe Logan because Ashlyn is so much smaller than Aiden that his sweatshirt would probably hang off her and Aiden would just abdjshfkefbns she's so cute!! this is mostly an Aidlyn hc for me but Logan would also be cute in anyone else's sweatshirt

uh if it's not clear by now im a multishipper ive said it before BUT i like Tyben a lot. they find calm and quiet in each other and bond through expressing themselves through something much healthier: music. i adore Tyben. AND because of Ben in the canvas webtoon: Tyler calls him ladybug. "Hey ladybug" "It's okay ladybug ive got you" "ladybug, you okay?"

kinda related to previous one but like blush hc. Ben does not blush. maybe a little pink on his cheeks. but his EARS. his ears get so RED when he's angry or when he's flustered. his face might be 😐 but you look at his ears and they're red you know he's flustered

ALSO everyone learned ASL for Ben so he didn't have to just use notes n stuff. Aiden was already learning but everyone else picked up on it

Logan likes compact spaces, they male him feel safe and secure. Like the tire! He feels very nice and snuggly in his tire. But also like. under beds. in closets (haha). one time they played hide and seek in Aiden's house and Logan won because he fell asleep curled up in an empty cabinet. Logan loves being little spoon because he just fits snugly in everyone's arms

it's been mentioned Tyler plays guitar, but i hc that he's also a really good artist. because he got into baseball for a scholarship he's kinda dropped both art and music, but in getting to know the others and especially Ben he gets back into playing music which leads to him drawing again. he doodles pictures of his friends and they realize what a good artist he is. that's how he realizes he actually has passion for creativity and decides he wants to be a tattoo artist.

(i was writing a tyden tattoo artist Tyler au on a reblog draft from a post @\the-killies made and like forgot abt it. someone peer pressure me if you think that sounds like snth you wanna read. it was probably over 1k words by the time i forgor)

Taylor likes mechanics (cus. the club) but she also knows some programming. this is solely because I think Taylor would like making little robots just for fun. Aiden would beg her to make him a little robot like that one companion toy robot Cosmo

in canvas sbg Logan brought a bunch of clothes for them to wear in the pictures/videos they took. so. Logan likes cosplay and renn faires. History is one of his favorite subjects (the other being science. english/literature is a very close third. he doesn't dislike math just isn't his favorite) so he has a lot of clothes from different time periods because of the renn faires he's been to.

This is a really unhinged headcanon and isn't something ive ever thought about before but thinking about Logan having outfits and stuff made me think who would be the most likely to be a furry. and no not Logan. it would be Aiden. hes rich enough to splurge on his fursuit. THIS IS A JOKE I DONT HC HIM AS A FURRY THIS IS A "WHOS MOST LIKELY TO" PLEAS

Aiden's favorite subject is history, he likes reading about wars but he also enjoys learning about other cultures and differences from how we live in modern day America. Aiden would probably study anthropology just for the fun of it. he and Logan bond over their love of history. Aiden can't remember what he had for lunch yesterday but he can tell you every little detail he knows about the Civil War start to finish, dates and names and locations and all.

this is a really weird hc but. Ashlyn is an amazing rapper. there was a karaoke night and one song someone did had a rap part coming up and they were like ahaha it's too fast for me and Ashlyn just stood up. took the mic. and fucking blew everyone's minds. and then she sat down like she didnt just rock their world

this last bit is self indulgent. assuming the phantom world things don't last forever, the kids get therapy eventually :D

^^ building on that, Ben specifically, he lives in my head rent free. i love him sm. Ben gets therapy for not just the phantom world things but everything beforehand. slowly and surely, starting with Aiden and Lily and maybe whichever person he's shipped with, he starts talking again. Some days are better than others, sometimes he gets quiet again, other times he goes for days talking as much as anyone (except aiden he yaps.) everyone almost cries when Ben is doing something and begins singing to himself because they realize he's better

im gonna do like gender & sexuality headcanons too,,, maybe later. might do silly ship hcs too cus i ship so many pairings here

[qtubbo]

Your like one of the biggest q!Tubbo fans i know here so i thought you’d be a pretty good person to ask this, but what’s going on with q!Tubbo’s lore rn??? i sadly haven’t been able to keep up much 😭😭😭😭

I’ve heard some stuff abt this “Creation” guy???

(you don’t have to explain it if you don’t want to obviously!! /nf :] )

Sure! As some character background, Tubbo’s been fairly depressed and suicidal for a while now, often joking about death and purposefully putting himself in harms way. Recently, he started talking about how he had “2 Lives left” in the same way as the eggs, noting that he wanted to give one to Empanada but was unable to. Most people assumed he was being lighthearted, and it was just a silly challenge that he set for himself because it was phrased in a ridiculous manner, a player having egg lives? He was not joking, and restated multiple times it was for real, but it wasn’t to be believed till Richas killed him.

Sunny and Chayanne took the death very seriously, treating it as if Tubbo had died for good, even with Phil saying it was okay and he’ll just come back. Sunny ended up staying with Phil for the rest of the day because Chayanne had stood still at the body for 10 minutes, which was good comfort for her. Later that day, Creation showed up here to protect Sunny since their primary protector was now missing, and also seeking to put Tubbo back together. Some background of who Creation is might be need, Niki’s stream and our theories about Sunny’s secret friend.

Firstly, Niki had a stream ages ago where she and Empanada met Creation, originally assuming it to be some messed up version of Tubbo. Creation showed it could point people away, assumably to a pocket dimension the eggs consider this like a warm nap, and that it didn’t have a lot of understanding about emotions. Being very stressed out and aggressive till Niki calmed it down, through Niki it was revealed that Creation has a ranking systems for the eggs most prioritized to least, and was designed to protect them by Tubbo and that Tubbo can not know its out. If I can find the VOD or someone sends it to me I’ll link it here, since it’s just a good watch to get context.

Second, Sunny’s secret friend, as of late Sunny’s been talking about this friend of hers that Tubbo can not know any details about. Sunny was protected by this friend on her walk “alone” to Bad’s place, Sunny needs to get a plush to keep them happy, and they live in a secret trapdoor in Sunny's room. This was heavily implied, but not confirmed, to be Creation, meaning that even after the reset that managed to get back to server its purpose protect Sunny.

Okay back to today’s stream, Tubbo’s dead and Creation just appeared to keep Sunny safe since her Primary Protector had gone missing. Creation points Sunny away brings them back and reveals that she’s Rank 1 calling her that for the rest of the night. Creation then starts talking about Tubbo and how it will bring it back, that Tubbo just needs to be pretty much reuploaded but Creation needs Tubbo’s data. BUT then Creation drops another bombshell that Tubbo can not die because he’s always been dead, meaning that Tubbo’s likely been a robot-like creature this entire time.

Once Creation gets to Tubbo’s body it declares it can’t bring Tubbo back because he’s missing data, his purpose, Creation becomes enraged by this revealing that while he wants to hurt Richas for the data, its code forbids it from hurting an Egg. Creation tells everyone that Tubbo needs this golden computer part to be brought back, which does once again state that Tubbo’s a robot-like creature, but it’s also revealed only the federation can get this item.

Tubbo’s currently still dead, and Sunny & Chayanne aren’t doing too hot both feeling terrible about it. I assume this is what you wanted not the Morning Crew stuff but I can explain that to if needed.

[subskz]

omg so ik it’s probably just a joke post but i’m curious now what you think as the author of buttefly bandage; do you think bb!chan is actually worse than bb!reader? or are they equally as bad?

ohoho what an interesting question! thank you for asking 😽

i think it ultimately depends on what you consider to be worse, bc their issues are the same at their core, but manifest in different ways. chan is better than the reader in terms of emotional openness and willingness to be vulnerable w her. he’s the first one to open up to her, to release his emotions, cry, and allow himself to be comforted by her. however chan is much worse than her in the self-sacrificing (and to be honest, the self-loathing) department. he made the first breakthrough in sharing his struggles w the reader, but he allowed the guilt of leaning on her to consume him immediately after, which turned all his usual self-sabotaging behavior up to a 100 bc he felt like he had to make it up to her for daring to have a moment where he needed support for once. he doesn’t believe he deserves the reader’s love and care, and he doesn’t see why she’d love him if he isn’t useful to her, bc that’s the only way he’s ever known how to receive love

the reader is better than chan when it comes to acknowledging how she’s been mistreated by others as well as how her skewed approach to relationships harms both herself and her loved ones. she’s more self aware than him and a lil more bitter abt what she’s been through, which is why her view of love is so cynical at the beginning of bb. she’s able to console chan in bb3 and strive for a change in his behavior bc she wants to break the cycle of unhealthy relationships. however, that requires her to let down her own walls as well, and she’s a lot worse than channie in the emotional openness department bc she’s been conditioned to believe that seeking comfort in others will always end badly for her, bc of the kinds of ppl she's been surrounded by her whole life. she's accustomed to her feelings being used against her and feels selfish for having them, and she lost the only person (her best friend) who she was ever able to express her emotions with

so channie is able to open up to the reader, but not able to change himself out of fear of being unlovable if he isn’t constantly sacrificing himself. the reader longs to change herself, but is unable to open up bc she fears the vulnerability that it entails. i guess that’s why they need each other, to fill in the gaps where the other lacks! they fit together like pieces of a puzzle~

in my personal opinion channie is a lil worse, bc the way he treats himself is actively harmful and has more serious consequences on his life that he never seems to learn from no matter how much he gets hurt…but maybe the same could he said abt the reader? they're both just a bit stubborn in their own right hehe

[ffredmujkic]

wonderfully bizarre by bendigo fletcher is such a fish and chips song.

"And if I were to win for you the skin of a timbered snake - Would you consider me your comfort in danger?" it shows so much of gillions thinking that he could only be loved if hes earned it if hes able to show himself as someone useful.

"you could wear me like a ring" something something abt gil being status symbol. (the whole line in his, if u give fish a family, abt being adored but alone) going back to had habits (even if aware of their harm)

"You'd be the mercy under my cruelty- My revelation, bloodshed free" gillion's journery through out the campaign, his biggest change is being kinder. gentler. early campaign gil always chose violence, he saw that the only responsible action to take against a villian was to cut off their head. hes soften so much over the campaign. hes always been caring yet through his friendships with chip (and jay this just isnt abt them) he learns different methods to handling problems.

"Do you wanna get married at the Cherokee Cemetery?" he just wants to get married. hes unlearned at lot a LOT of toxic unhealthy things. but he clearly upholds marriage as still an important and loving act. i think that while their relationship is very anarchic, gil would still love a wedding. (purely my own headcannon tho)

"Where the blue grass creeps over deep decades of devotion. Warm underneath the frost" come on.

in the context of gillion though this can be further, hes incredible loyal to the undersea though it never cared for him in return. A country that made him harsh and serious despite his real personality when allowed to relax. the frost can be a strong yet harmful loyalty to the undersea. (it reminds me of that even if im stretching) his friendship with chip and jay allowing him to feel a genuine devotion which is beneficial too him, that is reciprocated.

"We can build a home in a bush of azaleas- Dress it up in true morale paraphernalia- You'll never be alone in your bad dreams- Because together we could never be lost"

gillion was taken away from his family at an early age. chip was an orphan with no memory of even his name, to than get his adopted family ripped away from him. his attempts to form a new one forcing him into a gang. the two of them have been alone for a very very long time with no family or even friends, no home of their own. gillion constantly failed in his training. chip is implied to have done things he didnt always want to do to make price happy. yet despite earlier bumps in the relationship, them clashing each disagreement helps to deepen their bond as they figure out whats okay with with each other. and they really are never alone after finding each other

"your eyes prescribe a meaning for everything I do. I even find myself believing most of the words I say as true" the most impactful moment for chip what enable him to grow into the person he becomes over the course of the campaign is the fight in epsiode 15. it forced chip to address his actions have hurt hurt someone he was growing to care abt. chip said he wouldn't lie to gil anymore and he meant it. theres times where he tries to lie and cuts himself off. they built a home with trust and communication

"We can build a home in a bush of azaleas" since the line is repeating ill only say, they feel so comfortable around each other. all three captains are each others home. but especially chip and gil the way they are always seeking each other, their friend's name always on the tip of their toungue.

"We can be defined by the things we want"

a major theme in the show (or at least grizzly is trying to make it into one) is desire. gillion while having a lot of autonomy, driving a lot of the plot. he is also honor bound to a internal law where he must always protect others. gillion never acts out of a true selflessness, his actions are born from being taught that this is simply how he should operate. Because he is inherently worthless than all those around him, he has been assigned to protect. Never does gil think abt himseld if it concerns another life. gillion must be selfless, he is never allowed to want for himself. which is wonderfully contrasted by chip who is always seen as a selfish bastard despite not behaving like it in a while.

"I'll be a life full of free haircuts from the one that I love" chip in his happiet dream imagines himself with all his crew and arlin hanging out happily on the albatross. chip always pictures himself doing this pirate thing forever, but he is only 19. and with the trauma that its brought him, the constant risking your life. i think its fair to say that what he actually wants is just a simple life with his friends

[wttcsms]

sorry if you're not comfortable answering this, but I saw you say that you've been diagnosed with depression. how did you know when to seek help?

tl;dr: from a young age, i never lived a healthy lifestyle with an easy pace. i (and maybe even my family) put too much pressure on me, and i never really coped with it in a healthy manner. my attempt at handling things "with ease" and "not stressing" was actually just me bottling up my emotions, and it's not until things started getting really bad that i finally sought help.

nothing uncomfy abt it at all! discussion of mental health is pretty important! tbh, i never thought i would have depression or be diagnosed with it; i started showing symptoms for around a year before i started really thinking to myself, hey, i think there might be something up with me mentally and this isn't just some silly, quirky thing i'm going through. ever since i was around 18, i went through great lengths to ensure i would achieve maximum academic success but while being a full-time college student and consistently working 60+ hours a week (70+ during the summer bc my junior year internship was so intense; i also went to college 2 years early, so i think that's when the internal pressure to "do well in life" began) was taking a massive toll on me mentally and physically. i would survive off of 4-5 hours of sleep, consume concerning amounts of caffeine, i was losing hair, i was losing drastic amounts of weight, i was breaking out and breaking down, and even when i got better, i still wasn't fully ever healed from that experience purely bc my schedule just never slowed down.

i am still a full-time student, i am still working 7 days a week, leading to 60+ hours (40 hours internship, 20 hours at my weekend part-time job). on top of that, i am in the second to last semester of my grad school, i help out around the house bc after my older sister moved out, i took over the eldest daughter duties, i am still holding myself to a very high standard academically (already planning to apply to phd programs, studying for the cpa exam, already have another summer internship lined up). i knew things were getting bad because 1) i am finally older (im abt to turn 21! yay!) and i realized that the lifestyle i'm living isn't healthy and 2) a lot of my behaviors didn't feel "normal" to me anymore. it finally hit me around two months ago, when i realized that i sort of lost my love for fanfiction. i've been in a weird mood where i didn't want to read any fanfic whatsoever, but i chalked it up to being "too busy" and focused on other things. when i couldn't even find the energy to read my own mutual's fanfic, i knew something was up bc i always try to power through and remain enthusiastic on my friends' behalf. more behaviors that were a cause for concern:

my disinterest in everything that brought me joy previously. sweet treats at the end of the day, coffee before work, buying makeup from sephora, cleaning my room (sounds silly, but i love having a clean living space and cleaning my room used to be a source of peace and joy for me), writing fanfiction, reading books, watching youtube videos, catching up on shows that would release weekly and that i used to count down the days to watch — none of it held my interest. i wasn't excited, i didn't care.

it wasn't just a lack of joy from things i loved, either. rejections from programs i looked forward to/rejections from opportunities, abysmal grades in class, looming deadlines that i most likely wouldn't make, growing assignments on my work to-do list; none of this elicited a reaction from me. there was no stress (that i was feeling; subconsciously, i think the stress was still there and i just refused to acknowledge it), but there also wasn't disappointment or sadness. i had no emotional response to anything, and that was very concerning to me, and the main reason i contacted my sister and then her boyfriend (who is a licensed psychiatrist)

i could sleep for 12+ hours a day. there are many days in the week where all i want to do is rot in bed. not even in a "go on my phone and dick around in bed" type of way, either. i would have certain days where i couldn't leave the bed. sometimes, i wouldn't even feel tired, but i would just sleep. my internship is wfh and if it was a slow day with no assignments, i would clock in and spend that whole day in my bed, sleeping. it got to the point where i wish work was busy so i would have something to force me out of bed. yes, i would be aware of my tiredness sometimes, but this felt different altogether. i just wanted to basically hibernate lol.

i had constant headaches. i thought it was because of the nature of my job, where i look at computer screens all day, or maybe it was bc i wasn't drinking enough water. i would also get unexplainable cramps sometimes.

tmi, but little to no pleasure and an extreme decline in interest in sex

i had extreme issues with focusing on work and studying; a lot of my work (and school materials) centers around thinking through problems and applying tax law or guidance to certain situations.

my diet fluctuated; some days, i wouldn't want to eat, yesterday, i gorged myself on food, eating to the point where even i had to pause and go wtf.

not very often was i randomly sad, nor did i ever want to kill myself or self-harm; when i was a teenager (17/18) and probably showing signs of depression, i was very irritable, angry, sad, and had suicidal thoughts, thought i was worthless, an idiot, etc. however, i mostly just feel empty and apathetic during my episodes now.

what helped me seek help was knowing that my behaviors and how i was feeling didn't feel healthy, but also, my best friend recently shared her diagnosis with me and i would have never thought she would be depressed. my sister's bf was also a major help in getting me comfortable to consider the possibility of having a mental illness and also in finding someone to talk to. hope this helps!

edit: forgot to mention it, but i exhibited many/all of those symptoms for around the past 3 months before ever seeking help. those behaviors started manifesting tremendously and seriously disrupting my daily life, and i knew i needed to do something to get my life back on track.

[bylertruther]

random thought, but i feel like putting all of the blame on karen for the fact tht mike doesn't open up to her is a little ...................... (insert vague hand motion here bc i can't think of a fitting, not-childish eloquent word) ????

yes she's the parent and yes she does have to make the effort to create an environment where he feels welcome to share and talk to her, but karen cannot force mike to open up. mike doesn't respond well to his parents being overbearing and honestly he doesn't react well to ANYONE coming at him head-on no matter how close they are to him.

mike needs to come to people on his own terms when he's ready and collected himself. and karen knows that! she literally says that to ted when ted offers to go talk to him in s1 because they know will's death and disappearance is hard on him. and no i don't think they should've taken away his toys aka doled out a punishment when mike wasn't cooperating in s2, because that's simply Not how you handle such a situation, but they did it because they thought well if us being "soft" isn't working then maybe us putting our foot down will get through to him. it's not like they did it bc they thought to themselves "lmao fuck that guy 🖕".

and even though mike doesn't seek support through verbal means like nancy does, he does seek comfort from her through physical affection! and karen does give it to him! whenever he feels like he's lost will, he goes to her and breaks down in her arms and she drops everything to go hold him.

the point is that when mike does go to her, she's there. they all care about and love each other in that family, including ted. karen and ted are not plot-involved parents like joyce and hopper are, and we're not going to get a deep dive into any of the other families unless it's relevant to the plot. ... as we've literally already seen before?

and ted is the way he is because he's written as the kind of father that spends all day at work to provide for his family and gets home and just wants to watch tv and eat dinner and go to sleep and repeat that ad nauseam for the rest of his life bc tht's just what you do and you only have so much energy (smth smth silly little play). i'm not saying he's father of the year and no one should ever comment on his involvement with his kids, but... that's just his role to play in this story.

he's clueless abt the crazy shit that goes down in hawkins the same way that everyone else is clueless abt it but that doesn't make him a bad guy lol. there's purposeful juxtaposition of him chillin' watching the news cover everything up while joyce and hopper and the kids are out there losing their minds almost dying fighting monsters saving the world etc etc. it's supposed to be comical. he lives here and he has no idea what's really happening, unlike us and the central characters of the show.

not every family has to look or act like the byers or sinclair family to be Good. you can try your best to get someone to talk to you, but they're not going to do it if they don't want to. mike is a hothead that doesn't often share or even totally understand what he's feeling, and if he does, he rarely opens up all the way. he still keeps certain things to himself and only reveals just enough to achieve his goals. it's mainly when he's apologizing over something big that he manages to be open, and that isn't even something that happens often or outside of a situation that necessitates it.

and the whole "not knowing exactly where your kids are, but knowing they're with their friends somewhere and that they'll be home later tonight" isn't a sign of abuse or that they don't care. that's what life was like before the technology that we have now, and that level of freedom was the POINT. it's a big part of WHY the duffers chose the eighties. such a story wouldn't work with our current technology. that isn't even an experience exclusive to those that are 30+ or whatever. i'm in my twenties and i remember my childhood being like that.

like. i don't think it's as black and white of an issue as some people suggest. the wheelers haven't been perfect parents, but they're not malicious and they do love their children, even if they clearly don't always understand them. saying that karen and ted don't care about or love their children and that they're on the same level of neglect as lonnie is just... i mean. what?

[oddogoblino]

hey i just wanted to say sorry for what i did

i know what i did was wrong and yet still im doing the wrong thing

tbh i honestly didn't wanted to start back the same thing again but move on but.....it did and now i have people on my back again

i am asking for forgiveness and i promise that i will never ask for art EVER again i promise

please.......

Alright I'll answer this one tho I'm kinda concerned on how you managed to send more asks after I blocked your other ones 2 times tho uhm (sorry for long post, bad habit of mine)

Idk if you saw what I was saying truly but your asking for art isn't the issue, it's how you can treat others when you do it. It's stressful for artists when someone tries to make them feel bad about not giving them something. I'm hopeful you've learnt/you'll learn to ease up on this behaviors tho as other artists said you treated them the same way.

Tho while I'm at it- feel free to be more confident in admitting you're asking for fanart for yourself, nothing wrong with it! Also it's good to ask if someone's doing requests first before asking if they haven't made a post for it before. Ik some were asking for requests tho my friend wasn't, so always good to check before you ask so you can know it's alright to & you won't waste your time and wont feel awkward/bad!

Again, idrc abt whatever else you've got going on. My only warnings to other artists was due to worrying how you may treat people I care about with me knowing smth that could've saved them from possible stress. Lies and guilt trippings aren't fun to deal with QuQ You've never wronged me before my post, so there's no real forgiveness to seek from me personally.

I get being excited to see your things be drawn by super cool people, just try to be a bit more considerate. Artists are people just like you and their art is more for their enjoyment than others tbh. You can give compliments to the artists too so you can make their day ^^☆ it's very rewarding emotionally to share kindness!

I didn't even expect my post to get around how it did tbh- my posts usually don't so that was shocking for me. I just kinda expected a few of my moots to see it and quietly block you so they can carry on comfortably tbh. They're all I care abt most of all, I love them /p /gen

If someone harassed you bc I said anything abt the matter, I'm sorry and I hope they leave you be soon- block people if you need to. I'm sorry if I worded anything wrong too

[sigyns-drafts]

um hii on your main i saw you're into mythical detective loki ? so i was wondering if i could request a little fic on freyr's feelings after founding out abt heimdalls death ! love your work :)

A/N: Hello, yes I am very much into mythical detective Loki! I don't usually write for it but I'll make an exception for you since the fandom deserves more attention! <3

Freyr's grief 💔

➩ After Heimdall's untimely demise when he had fought Loki, driven by anger towards him for his missing eye. When it had been in fact Odin who had stolen it. Loki was forced to bring back depressing news, especially to Freyr. The aftermath wasn't easy and the god now found himself seeking shelter at the detective agency.

➩ Reader type: none!

⚠: Includes spoilers for Mayura’s backstory and the plot of the Anime/Manga! Mourning a characters recent death, mention of a deceased mother, grieving friends.

In the dimly lit room of the detective agency, Freyr sat with a heavy heart, mourning the loss of his dear friend Heimdall.

It was a rainy day, so all their friends were staying inside to mourn together. It was a bittersweet moment for it to rain on such an occasion as this.

Freyr's dark blue eyes, usually gleaming with pride and determination to impress Mayura and protect his sister Freya, now reflected sorrow and emptiness.

Loki understood how Freyr must have felt after losing a fellow god, someone they both knew, despite his and Heimdall’s own complicated history.

Loki approached Freyr, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder causing the god to twitch and look up at Loki.

"Freyr, I know this loss weighs heavily on you, Heimdall was a good guy, a loyal friend. You're welcome to stay for as long as you need to recover from this.."

Freyr sighed deeply, his voice choked with emotion, he looked away from Loki's gaze. Seemingly embarrassed to be seen like this grieving state.

"Thank you Loki, I just can't bear the thought of him being gone. But how could he even have perished like that..?"

“All thanks to Odin's schemes..”

Suddenly Yamino and Mayura entered the room, the man holding a tray with tea and some treats.

He had gotten help from Mayura to open the door carefully so they wouldn't disturb the peace.

The two walked up to them, both hovering over the two as Yamino spoke softly, putting the tray down on the coffee table and feeling the need to share some comforting words.

"Loss is never easy my friend, I've brought you some tea and treats to eat when you feel like it.”

“Thank you Yamino..”

“And I brought a blanket, so that you can warm up and feel a little more comfortable. It's raining so much today!”

Said Mayura as she looks at Freyr's depressed state, frowning and feeling bad for him.

She puts the blanket around him while the god sniffs, trying to wipe his growing tears away.

Mayura knew what it was like losing someone, after all she had lost her mother at a very young age!

She looks at Loki and Yamino, as if she was asking for permission to speak.

The two men just nodded, like they had read her mind and the woman would take a deep breath to prepare herself.

“Hey, I can understand what you're going through..”

Freyr slowly looks up, confused about what Mayura was about to tell him, slightly worried on how she could understand such pain and grief.

“I personally always try my best to remember the memories me and my mother shared whenever I miss her. After all, they will always live on in your heart."

That was the last straw for Freyr. Seeing the girl he wanted to impress, to charm so much, be here for him and say such words, tell him how much she could relate to his situation.

It broke him! With tears glistening in his eyes, Freyr nodded gratefully and whimpered to himself.

“My beautiful Japanese flower, I didn't know you knew what it was like. Thank you, all of you!”

Freyr expressed with gratitude as he suddenly latched himself onto Mayura's waist, but she really didn't seem to mind.

Patting his back to comfort him as he sobbed into her shoulder.

“There there mystery thief, you're going to be alright~”

[bumbleblurr]

LITERALLY THO like i hate how tfa bumblebee is reduced to a “so random! 😝🤪” only silly idiot prankster kinda guy when like. He’s smart! He’s caring! Yes he can be silly and yes he can be a bit reckless but he loves his friends and he can figure out how to care for them (like where he and bulk are comforting sari 🥺) and also figure out the best strategy to defeat whatever villain of the week is there! TFA bee means so much to me and i am also so excited for earthspark. Continuities where bumblebee is not the kid appeal character my beloves

LICHERALLY !!!! Like I love Bumblebees silly fun nature thats why he's one of my favorites ever, BUT IT DOESNT MEAN he can't be more than that.

Tfa in particular bothers me bc like. It's my fav bumblebee bc he has more bite and spunk (due to being based more on hot shot), but then. They never. Truly take him as seriously as other characters (except maybe bulk but that's bc hes also not taken seriously,)

which is so absurd bc he has some Legit shit going on with him that should fuck him up!! His whole career, his dreams, got flushed down the toilet bc he was unfortunate to have an instructor that doesn't like him and doesn't give him a chance (except when he did 1 singular time and then he immediately sent him to space repair duty for doing the noble thing and taking the fall for bulkhead)

And he doesn't get over this. He is still depressed about it when he says to Longarm "at least one of us achieved their dreams" in like the saddest tone ever (I think it's literally the saddest line delivery bee gives in the entire show) and he talks abt how no one believed he would amount to anything in the trial of megs script reading.

I'd argue his general behavior reflects this too (though idk how intentional it was), bc hes always like attention seeking- approval seeking. He wants to appear to Earth like he's a hero so he can feel successful (and that still went down the drain bc the humans started hating the autobots later)

But do they ever take time to address this issue and sympathize with him? No <3 instead they act like bee has no issues at all, to the point it's like "wasp is suffering so much, bumblebee wtf is wrong with you. YOU CANNOT RELATE TO LOSING EVERYTHING you just can't. nothing bad has ever happened to you. Go play videogames you stupid motherfucker" not that wasp isn't suffering but cmon. don't act like bee didnt have his entire career fucked over like it's not a serious thing

Not to mention as you said he has multitudes to him, he's caring and compassionate! He's quick witted and has lots of skill! He's not just a bumbling fool- Sentinel is wrong about that! (His assessment of ppl is not rlly accurate at all btw, he called bulkhead "bulk and no brains" when that guy is literally the leading expert on space bridge tech)

I am rlly excited to see earthspark bee bc its like. I think he's going to have the same kind of wise-cracking spunk tfa bee has BUT he is in a mentor role now. So there's a good chance he won't be reduced to being a silly jokester, bc he has to have some seriousness to teach (and thus the writers will treat him more seriously) also there's already those earth bots that are probably going to fill up that kid appeal role anyway

tldr: I love tfa bee's personality but I think his writing is lacking bc it doesn't take him as seriously as other characters, and I hope earthspark bee takes what's good abt tfa bee but gets better treatment from the writers

[sleevesareforlosers]

DISCUSSION GROUP!!!!

i’m looking forward to having some more free time at some point 😭 hopefully i’ll have more time to do sewing and stuff i haven’t gotten to in ages 🤞 & i’m really gonna try and continue my mandatory happiness mindset!!! (<- read abt it in laura jane grace’s book it’s like. maybe everything sucks but u can often choose to look at things in a positive light it’s really really helped me!! like. i can go into things w a positive mindset instead of a miserable one and control that at least yk?)

i’m currently out of town & it’s around the 30s. not bad wish it was snowing but i’ll take what i can get, i can wear my $10 80s windbreaker which i’m happy about!! and if i could be anywhere i’d want to be somewhere with snow but honestly? i’m quite content where i am i love doing big family christmas together.

and. i will be honest as much as i try to seek out new stuff to read/watch/listen to. i love rewatching &c. it’s rly nice and comfortable yk? i’m restarting how to train your dragon actually which is. so lovely <3 and i just did my semiannual big hero 6 watch which was delightful

uno reverse!!!! hope ur doing wonderfully :)

!!!!! fingers crossed for more free time! i've been doin a lot of sewing recently and i forgot how NICE it is so im rlly manifesting you get some more time w ur arts too! and YES thats a good thing to bring w you! i love ljg thats a rlly good philosophy. i should read her book huh

oh thats so fun! not bad weather and ALWAYS a bonus to be wearing a nice windbreaker. im glad ur havin fun doing family + xmas stuff! its one of my fave holidays for like exactly that reason

also okay SO fair of you. i feel like im rlly the same except im not even consistent w my rewatches lol. i SHOULD watch httyd again though. i never watched the third one but ik a lot of my friends rlly liked it

also i AM doing wonderfully thank you!!! for the uno reverse:

im lookin forward to getting cracking on a real job search again in the new year (not gonna start too far out from my current contract ending) and also my boyfriend is gonna come up here again at the end of january so thats like. SUPER exciting. and i think im gonna try and bring forward just like. idk i guess just trying to work on my communication and stuff ive def been working on that lately and i want to keep doing so!

it is currently cold as balls here (-11) and sunny today but its been snowing the last few days so we got like. two feet of snow. which i DO LIKE. i love snow even if its a little functionally irritating. idk where i would be if i could be anywhere rn. itd be nice to see my halifax friends again but itd also be nice to be [where my boyfriend lives] so. yknow. hard choice

and i think it kinda varies actually! im def better at reconsuming whatever media kind but i think i reread books a LOT less often and i try to do the same w movies. but i hardly EVER listen to new music and shows r id say a 50/50? i started derry girls today tho its fantastic

hope you're doing well too matt!!!

[chlorinecake]

Omg I just realized I never updated u on the hangout things 😭. Like ong I don’t think he likes me but idk cus we sit next to each other in class and we don’t talk like I try but it’s very awkward and shit and Like I do try to text him cus im more comfortable online and I remember I went to school early and he missed school the day b4 so I messaged him like “hey r u going to be at school 2day” cus yk like I kinda wanted to talk to him and cus I was also in the library where he usually is but uhm he ignored me and in class I saw him on IG but he was in purpose not looking at my text 😭. But oh well and then I ignored it for a few days and was like “oh he’s sick so maybe he’s just tired” and so I left it alone and like yesterday I asked him for Twice song recs cus I saw he liked them. And now im in a spot where tdy I bought him a CD to get closer to him and also to be like “Hey thanks for keeping up with my awkwardness” cus my awkwardness makes me rly shy and self conscious abt me talking but I felt brave to talk to this dude and Im kinda feeling self conscious again cus like I do want to talk to him and like he ignores me. Also I do want to talk to him when I immediately get into class but he always has his headphones in and I don’t want to disturb him and when he does take them out my teacher alr started teaching and we can’t talk and we barely do when we do hwk and it’s only to ask each other questions and I feel a bit judged. Like I remember one time when we got back a test, he looked over at my score and I think I got like 1 mark more than him and he was like “Oh u did better than me” in a very sad kinda judgy tone yk that one. And I was like “haha yea but it’s ok at least yk test aren’t worth much in this class”

sorry for the long thing Im just confused abt the situation 😭 and I kinda feel like a clown 🤡 cus I see him talk to this other girl in class smts and idk maybe they just bonded over them both being from the philippines. Idk like I don’t invite him to sit with me at lunch cus hon it’s awkward and also I feel him and my friend I sit with won’t get along and our humour is interesting and j feel he would be more uncomfortable and more awkward yk. But hon I feel bad cus I think he just sits with his brother in the library and like idk I feel bad for him cus like honestly I feel he doesn’t have many friends and this is the only class he rly talks from my observation and maybe i’m wrong cus he is a new student but it’s also almost done with them semester so like 5 months. Idk maybe i’ll talk to him more and ask him more questions and ig try to reschedule the hang out or idk maybe j should let go cus we ain’t vibing but also we have another class tgt next sem which makes it even weirder cus ong I have no one else ik abt but him 😭.

Ok so like, I’d never wanna encourage someone to pursue a one sided connection, bc that’s honestly what this is giving. He’s obviously making no efforts here, and I wish you didn’t spend your money on him already 😭 but like… I knew a guy for a year before he started giving back what I gave him, and now we’re super close, so it might work out for you in time, but it seems to me like for now, his mind is on other things than friendship. You can schedule another date with him if you like, but usually, I’d opt for returning the “silent treatment” until they start missing you 🤷‍♀️ it’s a bit manipulative but it works like a charm every time :>

Bc then even the part with him being sulky over the test like bro, you’ve got issues 😭 And not responding to your texts ? Yeah, drop him for a lil bit. Seek friendships in other people, put effort into those you will reciprocate your affection, bc chasing homeboy is just… it’s not it. Once he sees you living your life outside of him (genuinely ofc, not just for the sole purpose of getting his attention), he’ll get his head out of his phone more often. And if he doesn’t, oh well, you didn’t lose anything 🤷‍♀️ Personally, you seem like a really cool person and someone nice to talk to, and he obviously doesn’t appreciate that

[the-traveling-poet]

hi bby, how are you doing? 💕 It was me who sent the Erwin comment, but I accidentally clicked on anon and didn’t realise it! Anyway, hope you’re doing good, school is been stressing me out lately and ugh! Anyway here to drop here a wild headcanon for you >:3 (I don’t know if in English means the same thing, cause in Italians its meant it as in wild animal or plant) So, Levi discovering tea thanks to Erwin? Erwin proposing him to join the Survey Corps in front of a cup of tea and Levi getting more interested in the beverage than Erwin’s speech?🤭 Anyway, have a good day/night 💕💕💕

Persuasion

Following the capture of the Underground thugs, and their forced enlistment into the Survey Corps, lead to a bloody expedition that met the ends of many. Now left on his own, Levi struggles to comprehend this new life he must lead above ground; friendless and clueless. Despite their bad blood, Erwin seeks to right some of the wrongs by teaching Levi the customs of the military and life within the walls. Through the younger man’s refusal to cooperate, there might just be one thing that could change his mind.

Pairing: Platonic!Erwin x Platonic!Levi

Warnings: language, platonic enemies-to-friends, humor

taglist: @21aurora @deepzombieyouth @braunsbabe

A/N: haha all good my lovely Alex, I’m still pressed about the hair like sir!!? I’m sorry to hear about school, I feel the same way with my 9-5 job. I hope everything is going at least somewhat okay! Idk abt you but I honestly can’t stand 90% of humans out in public places 🥲THANK YOU FOR WILD HC I LOVE THIS IM SORRY I MADE IT A ONESHOT I JUST WANTED TO WRITE MORE-

With a gentle click the door shut behind them, leaving the room they stepped into near silent but for the footsteps echoing off candle lit walls.

Erwin was the first to take a seat, a nearly inaudible sigh leaving his lips when his back met the comfortable wood of his office chair. Stretching out his arms against the restraints of his jacket, he laces his fingers together atop the sturdy desk as he drags his gaze back up across the room to meet the storm eyes of his newest Cadet.

“You’re welcome to take a seat,” Erwin offers softly, evaluating every twitch in the young man’s body as he stayed unmoving from his spot by the door.

The raven haired man stayed silent, only indicating his answer through the way his frown deepened. Sighing, Erwin relaxed back into his chair.

“You know, I asked you to join me so we could have a civil conversation.” Erwin mused.

“You didn’t ask, you ordered me here,” the younger man scoffed, finally speaking up.

“Well, you refused my offer the first time, and this conversation needed to be had. I had no choice but to order you.” Erwin had to bite back a chuckle at how the Cadet grumbled under his breath like a child, crossing his arms firmly over his chest.

“Levi, I understand this is quite the cultural shock for you. Life above ground is significantly different than where you resided below. Which is why I think it important I help teach you skills you’ll find you need to acquire in order to adjust accordingly.”

Levi scoffed, turned his sharp gaze away from the taller man across the room.

“Like manners, for one,” Erwin frowned, rubbing at his brow. The walls only knew just how frequently the young man before him made him want to drink.

With a huff the Captain stood from his desk, making for a small cabinet stationed against the wall backing his desk. Opening the doors, he was disappointed to see the last of his bottles had been emptied.

As a second resort, he picked up an old kettle and a container of water. Setting the pot into the fireplace that an accompanied the room, he filled it with water and lit a match.

Suddenly, he noticed Levi’s eyes back on him, observing his every move with squinted eyes and pursed lips. Surprised, Erwin raised a thick brow in question.

“Something you wish to say, Levi?”

Silence met Erwin’s question. Instead of answering, a weary sigh left Levi’s parted lips and his arms fell from his chest. Glancing about the room one last time, Levi seemed to make up his mind and walk towards his Captain’s desk. Pulling back the chair on the opposite side of Erwin’s, he took a seat with a huff.

Pleased, Erwin smiled and cautiously made his way back to his own seat. Once sat, he looked Levi over curiously, who still wouldn’t meet his gaze.

“Correct me if I’m mistaken, but you weren’t given a formal education in your youth, were you?” He started off slowly.

Glaring up at him through inky bangs, Levi clicked his tongue.

“Depends; how do you define education?”

“Well…The study of simple mathematics, the memorization of the historical events, the reading and writing of formal documentation. And such similar things.”

“…Then no. Best I can do ya is knowledge on the quickest way to end a man’s life with your bare hands in the betting ring.”

Seeing the utter shock and worry flashing through Erwin’s eyes, Levi cleared his throat.

“Or…the art of rigging a building for explosion.” He added in a mumble, once more folding his arms over his chest and averting his gaze.

“…And pick-pocketing…”

Erwin was saved the awkward silence of forming a response by the sharp whistling of his pot in the hearth. Grabbing a teacup and saucer from a drawer, he returned to his place at the fireplace to fill up his cup. As he poured the water, he spoke over his shoulder.

“While those, ahh, skills, would be…practical?…I suppose, Underground; they aren’t so much up here in the Survey Corps. I can help you, if you let me, to educate you.”

“And why the hell would I agree to that?” Levi snapped, turning around in his chair to watch as Erwin worked.

“Well, believe it or not, there is benefit to it.”

Stirring the liquid content steaming in his cup, Erwin returned to his chair with a hum.

Levi watched him closely, eyes flitting between the man’s face and the cup held in his weather worn hands. Finally, they stilled onto the curling steam spilling over the sides of the porcelain cup’s handle.

“Such as?” He asked lowly, eyes still trained on the desk.

“Well, as your services here are apart of our agreement, these social and practical skills could save you both from embarrassment and a tight spot. Say, if you were to advance through the ranks and earn the title Captain; you would be expected to attend, understand, and contribute to meetings around the walls. Or say your gear malfunctioned on the field, or you lost sight of your squad; you would need to know how to survive on your own in a new environment until you could seek aid. Learning these things, both intricate and mundane, could very well save your life and your sanity one day.”

Erwin took a deep breath, pleased with his speech to the young man in all its long winded glory. But when he met the raven’s gaze, it was still locked firmly on his desk. He patiently awaited Levi’s response, but it never came. Starting to feel a bit exasperated now, he sighed and leaned closer to the man.

“Levi-“

“What’s that?”

Perplexed, Erwin leaned back from the desk. The innocence in Levi’s tone was something he hadn’t thought he’d ever hear from the sharp tongued individual before him.

“What’s…what?”

“In that cup. It’s got smoke coming out of it. Looks like burning muddy water.” Levi mused, a slight tilt to his head as he leaned an inch closer to the mug. “But it smells good.”

Erwin was taken aback, and thus at a loss for words. Shaking his head, he stammered for words.

“It’s…tea?”

“Tea don’t smoke like that,” Levi countered, reaching out to drag the cup closer towards himself. He grabbed the rim cautiously, but quickly set it down with a click of his tongue at the temperature of the porcelain.

“It’s not smoking, it’s steaming. Tea is typically a hot beverage,” Erwin explained slowly, unsure how his speech led them to the discussion of his beverage.

“Never heard of hot tea. Tea’s rare, in the underground. And always cold, and grainy. But…a delicacy.” Levi’s tone had changed, the look in his eye showing some distant memory he was replaying over in his mind.

Seeing that Levi was far more captivated by the nostalgia inducing beverage, Erwin heaved a tired sigh and switched his style of approach.

“Well…It’s a delicacy we can afford in the Scouts, from time to time. If you brew it right, it’s neither grainy, cold, nor bitter. If you would allow me to give you a formal education, I could get you some.”

Finally, Levi met his eye. At first his eyes were narrowed with suspicion, then contemplation and curiosity. As he sat up straight in his chair, the creases evened out from his face and he nodded.

“Fine, I’ll endure your ideals of education. But I want a supply of this tea in return.”

Running a hand down his face with a muffled groan, Erwin relented.

“Yes, fine. I’ll speak with Commander about adding this expense into the Corps’s funds in exchange for your cooperation.”

Seeming to be satisfied, Levi stood from his chair and left the room, but not before shooting one last curious look over his shoulder at the cup resting untouched on the Captain’s desk.

As the door shut behind him, Erwin crossed his arms overtop his desk and rested his forehead against them, groaning in disbelief.

A well rehearsed speech gone to waste over a cup of tea. Who’d have thought he hadn’t yet seen it all in his years working under this profession?

[riarevenge]

Can I ask why you’re so open about drugs and stuff when people can be mean

first reason is cah i’m meaner 😭 i have raging anger issues that switch on even more when someone’s coming at me. so if anons want to be cruel about stn, im jus gonna give it right back! second reason is a bit sappy ibr. cah all i here from therapists and friends and family is: you’re too guarded. i don’t seek out help or comfort from friends, i don’t talk to anyone when shit goes south, i jus deal and usually disappear from the face of the earth for however long. i don’t feel the need to ask for support cah i’m way too wrapped up in a temper and trust issues. but i talk about it on here cah?? idc ?? like okay, yous know i’ve done drugs on and off often in my teen years, okay, yous know that i frequently go back to it when i’m in bad places, okay yous know i have bpd, okay yous know i’m a this and that survivor. that’s fine by me. cah you know what, for every nasty anon, there’s like five who ask for help, advice, who thank me for talking abt it, or there’s literal mutuals in my messages doing the same. you know? why do i care what this and that fucker is gonna say if i know that someone who might not know who to talk wit can come to me? i don’t care if anons want to say i’m a stoner like it’s a bad thing, i don’t care if they think i’m nasty for biting back at bitches like i jus don’t care. i always think about that anon who came to me to ask for help cah she was in an abusive situation during the lockdowns, and she came back with an update months later. why would i care about being judged if i can help someone? at the end of the day, i don’t look dumb. ppl who are mad at a girl for struggling and not caring to hide it are the dumb ones. they screammmm wanting ppl to be real and the second you are they jump on it either way. uno? ppl are always gonna try and knock you down the mountain you’ve climbed, you jus have to push them off before they do.