ok wait can we talk about carm shuffling compulsively from foot to foot at the beginning of fishes when he confronts mikey about not picking up the phone?
we’ve seen him shuffle like that before: during his dissociative ep in the season 1 finale when richie is slapping his cheeks and checking his eyes…
i think it’s his body focused repetitive behaviors/stimming (cheek biting, spoon fiddling, hard blinking, etc.) leaking out in an intense way. i also think of his panic attack in omelette where he’s shaking his hand so hard
that confrontation with mikey was so intense for him that his usual stimming couldn’t alleviate the anxiety/emotions he was feeling
"You could do this without me."
"I couldn't do this without you."
"Yeah, you could."
"I wouldn't even wanna do it without you. You know, you . . . you make me better at this."
"You make me better at this."
"And what if I just like, completely . . . melt. Like I just fuck up and fail?"
"I won't let you."
"You're not alone, Syd."
"Neither are you."
then he gives her the custom thom browne chef's whites after. and I'm supposed to believe that they're not each other soulmates? if that isn't love, then I don't know what is!
Oh Carmy, the comparsions in your head! He can't help but think of Sydney; I fully believe the writers are suggesting that his mind wandered to Sydney while he had sex with Claire the night before, and so, thinking about that night with Claire led to shame, and it triggered this panic attack.
This panic attack stands out as one where Crmy is almost forcing himself to see the desire for Claire; we hear Mikey praising Claire's new look, drawings of her, and images in rose-colored lenses. He wants to see her as a girlfriend, but he can't bring himself to this, which brings that familiar embarrassment.
When he lets his emotions pass, Carmy begins to feel present and content. The last time he remembers feeling this way was when he was around Sydney. Being in her presence makes Carmy feel good and brings a desire that he doesn't experience when he's around Claire.
i keep thinking about this scene and sydney talking about how all she wants is to cook for people and make them happy and season 2 when sydney says she wants a michelin star and carmy goes ??
like is it 1) her actual dream to have a star and she just kind of didn't think it was possible bc she was consumed with her catering failure and working with carmy made her think it could actually happen
or is it 2) the highest level of success in the food industry but not acTUally what she wants (and what she wants is actually much more in the vein of michael jordan's steakhouse which is not a michelin star place) ??
I think the Claire/carmy storyline is all in service of syd/carmy nation bc it’s like ‘what if this guy was pursued by his childhood crush who it turns out is so into him, who is super hot and smart and also has an intense job, and his friends and family love her, and she respects his work, and is Cool about everything and also says the right thing when he says something mentally ill, and they have great sex’ and the season answered ‘he’d inevitably fuck it up anyways bc even this eerie mirage-like dream scenario on paper is NOT IT!’