#the best part was definitely hanging out with my cousins friends before we went to the club

[butchcharliee]

.

[gloomysoup]

when the world stops turning (my heart stops beating) - pt. 3

happy holidays to all who celebrate! as it stands, i'm posting this on christmas eve after a full evening with my dad's mom and his siblings and all my cousins, before i go to bed to deal with even more family all day tomorrow (we have my mom's side in the morning for brunch and then my dad's dad's house in the late afternoon/evening) BUT i did FINALLY get this part figured out and i couldn't wait to share it! i would apologize, but we all know i'm not actually sorry... oops

anyway i hope you all enjoy it!

ao3 pt. 1 pt. 2 pt. 3 pt. 4

cw: mentions and discussions of drug use, addiction, sobriety, relapse, referenced overdose, etc. y'know, the usual

The first time Steve ever got high, he was fourteen. Tommy had scored some weed off one of the older basketball guys, Steve’s parents were gone for a weekend. It was perfect. Steve, Tommy, and Carol laid back on the roof of Steve’s childhood home, overlooking the blue glow of the pool and the line of trees beyond the yard, passing a joint back and forth. It was a warm buzz, making his head go all fuzzy. It was nice. Until it wasn't, at least. He liked the feeling of being high. What he didn't like was what came after.

The comedown from that first high was rough, to say the least. Carol was fine; Steve didn't know why it didn't affect her as badly. Steve and Tommy, however, were not so lucky.

It was a while before he ever smoked weed again. He never did anything more than that, though there were plenty of opportunities. And he never smoked alone. It was always parties, or hang outs with Tommy and Carol. It slowed down when he met Nancy. She wasn't a fan of drugs, and always asked him to stop. He never could, but he definitely cut back. Then Nancy shattered his heart, so he picked it back up again. Started smoking on his own. Anything to chase the free feeling of the high. He spent so many nights trying to escape his nightmares and heavy thoughts. He smoked until his head was floating in the clouds. He kept the high until he ultimately passed out, hard, into a fairly dreamless sleep.

And then Starcourt happened.

That was a different high. Slower. It was loose lips, but firm thought. Tethered, but not quite there. It took longer to hit the peak, to really float. When he finally hit it, it was the best he'd felt in a long time. And then he came crashing down. It was the worst he'd felt in his life, aside from the time Billy bashed his head in with a plate. It sucked. It ruined weed for him, if he was honest. Every time he tried after that, his body panicked. His brain would get fuzzy, he'd start to float, and then he'd seize up. His brain would shock him back into reality. He vowed, with the help of Robin, to never get high again. He would finally quit. It wasn't worth the panic attacks and anxiety and trauma response that came with it anymore. He was successful for a while, at least. He'd been sober for almost a year.

That didn't last long after the final battle with Vecna. He and Eddie were friends. They were starting to grow into a little more than that. Steve’s nightmares were awful again. His body was sore and his scars stretched uncomfortably every time he moved. It was Eddie who initially suggested weed, even though he had stopped smoking himself.

“It's actually a pretty good method for pain management,” he said with a shrug. “You just gotta be careful about it. Stick to the natural stuff.”

Eddie didn't know that Steve was sober. Steve never told him. He'd been itching for a good high again anyway; something to clear his head, take some of the pain away, get a good night’s sleep for once. Eddie had handed him an extra joint, leftover from his own stash that he hadn't touched in weeks. Steve went home that night and lit a joint for the first time in almost a year. His sobriety went down the drain, just like that. The worst part? He didn’t even regret it. Not one bit.

He didn't tell Robin. He couldn't. He knew she'd be disappointed in him. She would go back to watching him like a hawk, following him around, and never leaving him alone long enough to even think about getting high. She'd spend every night with him, just like she did those first few months before. He couldn't let her do that to herself again. Not when she was doing so well with Vickie. He wasn't going to ruin her good thing with his own problems. So Robin never knew he relapsed. And Eddie never knew that he was supposed to be sober. He never told a soul.

Steve carried it with him for years. Every time he lit a joint instead of a cigarette, he thought about Robin. Two puffs in, he wasn’t thinking about her anymore, just how nice it felt. He smoked until his head was empty and floating, and then he smoked some more. He smoked by himself a lot. Then the band got recognized, and they were all smoking again too. Steve would smoke with them any chance he got. He never told anyone the secrets he was hiding. He never told anyone the weed wasn’t quite enough anymore. He was perfectly content with what he had, sure, but some deep part of him itched for more. He got cross-faded more times than he could count, just to feel something more.

His first experience with harder drugs was at a party with the band. Their manager had gotten them an invite for promotional purposes. There were supposed to be some high-end producers and such they wanted to network with, and Steve always went with them to these sorts of things. It was innocent, at first. Steve stepped out on the back deck of whatever big shot artist’s house they were at to light a cigarette while Eddie talked music with some people in the living room.

He took a deep inhale, feeling the nicotine saturate his lungs before he blew out the smoke. What he really wanted was some weed, but Eddie had it all on him and Steve didn't want to bother them. This was good for the band. They needed this. Still, a cigarette couldn't only do so much for the itch under Steve’s skin. He had a beer on the railing in front of him, but that's not what he needed. He took another inhale, holding it, hoping it would keep him satisfied until Eddie brought him a joint. It wasn't really working, but Steve was trying to convince himself otherwise.

“Mind if I join you?”

Steve turned to see a slightly older man standing in the doorway. He vaguely recognized him as another musician, but couldn't place his name. “No, not at all. Honestly, I could probably use the company.”

The man nodded and stepped onto the deck, closing the sliding glass door behind him. He took up a place beside Steve, holding out his hand. “Billy.”

Steve laughed at the irony and took his hand. “Of course you are. I'm Steve.”

Billy gave him a curious look. “Something wrong with my name, Steve?”

He shook his head. “No, not at all. It's just a little funny, I guess. I knew a guy named Billy once. Broke a plate over my head, gave me a nasty concussion, and then he died a few months later in a fire at the mall I used to work at. The universe likes to have a good laugh, apparently.”

“Ah, yeah, I'd probably feel the same way then.” He reached in his pocket and pulled out a joint, gesturing toward Steve. “Mind if I light?”

“Only if you share,” Steve replied with a laugh before taking another drag of his cigarette.

“Of course, man.” Steve watched Billy pull a lighter from his pocket and light the joint, taking a puff before holding it out toward Steve.

Steve stubbed out his cigarette on the wood railing before taking the joint between his fingers. He took a deep drag, holding it for one, two, three seconds, and then breathing it out slowly. He looked up at the stars as he passed it back. “God, that's exactly what I needed.”

“Tough day?”

Steve shrugged. “More like a tough life. I'd usually be smoking by now anyway, but my, uh, friend has all the weed on him. He's busy talkin’ shop with some other music guys in there, and I didn't wanna bother them. It's important to him.”

“Not your scene then, I take it?”

Steve huffed, taking the joint back between his fingers. “I'm more… emotional support for his band, I guess. Though, I'm not sure they ever needed it. They do just fine on their own.”

“I'm sure they appreciate it anyway.” Billy glanced back at the house as he took the last drag before putting it out. “What do you say we go back in, Steve? I know a guy upstairs with something a little better than weed, if you're interested.”

“Hell, at this point, I might try just about anything. I don't do needles, though. Bad experiences and all.”

Billy laughed and motioned with his head. “Promise, no needles unless you ask.”

“Lead the way, then.”

Steve was floating on the best high of his life. He didn't know how much time had passed, but he didn't really care. He hung out upstairs with Billy and some other industry people for God only knows how long, smoking and laughing and snorting lines of cocaine. Eventually, Steve stumbled his way back downstairs with Billy, laughing the whole way. He bumped into Eddie, physically running into his back where he was scanning the house.

Eddie turned and wrapped his arms around Steve’s waist, holding him up. “There you are. I was wondering where you went.”

“Eddie!” Steve exclaimed, grinning brightly. He turned to Billy, who had his arm around Steve’s shoulders. “Billy, Billy, this is him. This is Eddie.”

“Oh, yeah! So you're Eddie! You've- you've got a good one, man. Steve's such a riot.”

Eddie seemed taken aback at first, looking between the two of them. His eyebrows furrowed as he took in Steve’s slightly disheveled appearance and wide eyes. “Steve, are you high right now?”

Steve giggled, leaning his face into Eddie’s neck. “Soooo high, baby. I feel great.”

“Alright, I think it's time we go home,” Eddie declared. “Come on, let's go find the guys.”

“But I don't wanna leave,” Steve whined with a pout. “I wanna dance, Eddie. Can't we dance? Please?”

“We can dance at home, Steve. Come on. It's time to go.”

“No fun,” he huffed.

“Steve, look, here, I’ll give you my number,” Billy said, still leaning heavily against him. “You call me. We’ll hang out again sometime, yeah?”

“Definitely. Definitely do that.”

It took Eddie fifteen minutes to drag Steve through the house and track down the rest of his friends. When they found the rest of them, Jeff frowned at Steve.

“What's up with him? Is he okay?”

“Apparently the whole time we were talking to that producer, my boyfriend was getting high off his ass with Billy Corgan. I'm sure he’ll be fine once he sleeps it off.”

“Wait, Billy Corgan?” Gareth asked, eyes wide. “Like the Billy Corgan of The Smashing Pumpkins?”

“Apparently they're best friends now.”

“Oh, yeah, Billy’s great,” Steve said through another bout of giggles, leaning all his body weight on Eddie. He cupped his hand around his mouth to whisper, but it wasn't really a whisper. “He knows who has all the good shit, guys.”

“Okay, he is really high,” Grant said. “Guess that's our cue to leave?”

“I don't care if you guys want to stay, but I'm taking Steve home. Just didn't wanna leave without letting you know.”

When Steve and Eddie finally got back to the apartment, Steve sloppily kissed Eddie in the entryway. His hand slipped under Eddie’s shirt, but Eddie pulled him back.

“Baby, no, not tonight,” he murmured. He pushed a lock of hair from Steve’s face. “You're too high for that right now. You need sleep.”

“Want you, though,” Steve whispered, ducking down to suck at his jaw and throat.

“Steve, no. I'm serious. You need to sleep this off.”

Steve huffed, a pout on his full lips. Eddie kissed him softly before wrapping his arm around his waist and leading him to the bedroom. Steve slumped back against the bed immediately upon impact. Eddie carefully and gently undressed him before tucking him into bed. He brought a water bottle and some meds for the morning, placed them on the bedside table, and then changed his own clothes. Steve was out like a light, snoring softly. Eddie held him all night, unable to sleep. He'd never seen Steve get that high before. Part of him worried it was more than weed, but he trusted Steve. He'd ask him in the morning, but he wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. He didn't think Steve would do more than that. He didn't think he had to worry.

The next morning, Eddie made sure Steve was safe and okay before bringing it up.

“So, last night,” he said over breakfast, poking around at the scrambled eggs he'd whipped up for them.

“Oh, right! How'd it go with that, what was he, a producer?”

“It was fine, but that's not what I'm talking about, Steve.”

Steve frowned. “What is it then?”

Eddie swallowed, not looking at Steve. “You were really high when I finally found you after you wandered off. I need you to be honest, Steve. What did you take?”

“It was weed, Ed. Strong weed, but just weed.”

“You promise?” He looked up, meeting Steve’s eyes. “You promise it's just weed, Steve? I can’t- You have to understand how dangerous that other shit is. I can't lose you to it.”

Steve smiled so easily, like he wasn't lying right to Eddie’s face. Like he didn't have a baggie of coke in the pocket of his jeans, which were laying on the bedroom floor. “I promise that's all it is.”

And Eddie believed him, like an idiot. He trusted him, because it was so easy to fall for those eyes and that smile. He didn't think Steve would ever do anything like that. He had no reason to believe otherwise. He didn't know that Steve had been sober for almost a year before that spring break from Hell.

Steve lied for years, to everyone. He was good at it. It was easy. He didn't even think twice before the lies tumbled past his lips. The problem was how simple it was to score. How easy. He never had to turn far. He was listed as a personal assistant to the band. He was handing drugs to pass on to them all the time, but Corroded Coffin didn't do any of that stuff. They always turned it down. They knew what it did to people, especially in the industry. It was a dangerous thing. Every time the members ignored the drugs being passed to them, Steve slipped them in his pocket instead. No one ever noticed. The more fame and recognition the band got, the easier it became for Steve to score whatever he wanted. Pills, tabs, cocaine, heroin, the works. He never strayed far from coke and pills, still wary of needles from the Russians, but it was a high he couldn't get with weed alone. It was addicting. He wouldn't have been able to stop on his own even if he wanted to.

He snuck off to do a line or two every chance he got. If the band’s backs were turned for even a few seconds, he was popping a couple of colorful pills. He smoked weed every other night, whenever Eddie wanted to smoke. He smoked on his own occasionally, slowing down his body through the rush of a good high. It was nothing like he’d ever experienced before, and he couldn't get enough of it.

Then he was at the biggest show of Eddie’s career. Sold out at Madison Square Garden. Roaring crowds, electricity flowing through Steve’s veins. He was only going to do a quick line. He just wanted to keep the energy, soothe the itch. One line turned to two, then three, then some pills. Then everything went dark.

The first thought to cross his mind as his vision tunneled and his body began to shut down was that he should have told them the truth. He never should have lied to Eddie, or Robin. He never should have taken that joint from Eddie all those years ago. He should still be sober. But he wasn't, and now he was going to die, and it's his own fault. He fell to his vices. He didn't talk to Robin, like he always promised he would do if the urges came back. Instead, he got into the harder stuff, and now it was going to kill him. The clock had finally run out. The Reaper was knocking on his door.

That would be the end of Steve Harrington.

-----

tag list: @mugloversonly @djohawke @acowardinmordor @hallucinatedjosten @geekyfifi @slowandsteddie @estrellami-1 @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @canmargesimpson

(if you saw this upload twice no you didn't. i definitely didn't forget the tag list)

[ghostrot12343]

A self-indulgent ramble about my playthrough of Scarlet Hollow

I'm mostly writting this as an attempt to get these thoughts out of my head. Spoliers below.

So, I decided to try playing basically myself but more well read (Book Smart) and with the ability to talk to animals. Yes, my first D&D PC was a druid, how did you know? I did as much as I could to ignore bus guy, and I don't like peanuts, so on the bus they remained.

Upon meeting Tabitha, I did break my rule of offering a hug to someone lest they reject it, and reject it she did. So that stung. And in the car, Tabitha's statement about "emotional maturity" did nothing to convince me of anything but her own trauma.

After getting settled in, it was nice to meet Dustin and give him some nesting materials. And as I mentioned, I don't like peanuts, so there's nothing to eat in the house, and I didn't want to break Tabitha's trust immediately, so while I wanted to explore the house, I decided to leave that for later in the week and left the house.

Gretchen is delight and a fantastic friend. Frou-frou is fine, I can respect her need for space, but I'm definitely a dog over cat person. Having a gluten allergy, the diner is a reminder of how unaccommodating places outside NZ were of that, but I've not eaten all day and I'd suffer the headaches for at least something to eat that doesn't contain peanuts.

Meeting Duke with Stella, I told him not to shoot the mountain lions, and uh, well, I had accidentally skipped why he was asking for the flashlight and decided to go save Gretchen who I knew would be killed by the ditchlings like all the other animals we'd seen (also, it was weird that the game tried to suggest the deer's obvious statment on its affliction and warning was a threat?), and as the achievement states, Duke had poor trigger discipline.

Meet Kaneeka & Sybil, but I'm 90% sure I also went back to the estate that night.

The fact that we saw supernatural beings and a man died means I am immediately unconcerned about hiding my ability, there are weirder, more off-putting things going on. One thing I regret about the library was not reading what the game had to say about Tommyknockers.

Of course I immediately go see my cousin when we get to the mine, but I don't wait after I call her about Rosaline because time is of the essence - ditchlings exist, a man died, and this shaft had a collapse that already killed children.

I'm glad no one died, sucks Rosaline lost a foot though.

Checking in on Dustin & his mom is definitely a highlight of the mornings. And I was so worried about Bo dying if I gave him his father's location, but it felt more wrong to keep it from him when the police were so FUCKING USELESS, so it was a relief when I saw him in the later episode.

Cousin Bonding Time is the best, I didn't even know there was romance in this game until hanging out with Reese, but I still would choose CB... cousin bonding time over a date, sorry Stella. And fuck that Piece-of-Shit-Karen Nancy for ruining her morning.

While I thought the pastor left an okay impression and I have no clue why other people found him so sketchy, I also didn't tell him about my conversation with the mayor because I just don't know him.

I definitely clicked that the doc was poisoning Reese even before the game gave me the ability to voice that suspicion. Also, I am still very curious as to why she seemed to immediately detest my presence.

I asked for permission to invite Tabitha and then ignore Kaneeka's objection because asking was a formality. While I didn't object to Tabitha's belief of Oscar's parenting in the car, something that I sort of regretted, and simply further questioned during our morning hangout, I was disappointed that he failed the test of letting Rosaline take part. Like, sure, her being there meant that she knew for sure that her dad wasn't making stuff up, but she also literally lost her foot YESTERDAY, what the fuck Oscar, she shouldn't be in a high stress environment. So, while I don't fully agree with Tabitha about Oscar specifically (she's right about some people shouldn't have kids, *cough* the Scarlets *cough*), he definitely needed to have picked up a parenting book about setting stronger boundries, preferrably a week ago before all this shit happened. But I digress.

Very glad that I was able to win my day in ghost court.

Strike: Told Tabitha people thought she was a hero because of e2 and to not fire Davis, that she should meet with them and after asking what it is they wanted that she should probably give it to them, whilst also being understanding of the financial difficulties of the mine itself. Didn't tell the strikers about Rodriguez because honestly, I don't know what they'd do to him and I don't want another man's death on my conscience and this is less personal than with Bo. Also didn't talk to the strikers in the diner as I didn't want to get attack and/or weaken their efforts.

I did get to go everywhere, the pastor revelation was interesting, but I misread the "this doesn't mean we're friends" and wish it hadn't been so cold, even if yeah, friendship in this game requires immense trauma and life-threatening situations, so you know, maybe Daniel shouldn't want to be my friend.

I regret drinking Sybil's tea, I don't like tea but I thought maybe her insights would be useful... which they weren't. "Oh no, your cousin is going to betray you", I don't trust that idea as far as I can throw it and since I don't have powerful build, that's not very far anyways. At least, according to the decision tree I'm using as reference, I saw more of the Enoch/Teddy interaction.

I do feel sorry for Reese, but no way was I going to let him murder Dr Kelly. That's just more trauma to endure, and also, he does literally turn into a powerful monster when emotionally distressed, so wanting to prevent that from happening is a reasonable desire even if her approach could 100% be better. Also, Sybil was not slick, I already knew she was giving the Doc the castor beans, fucking with my head was as much a confirmation of that belief as hearing it normally. Also, Dr Kelly talking about Reese's dad was really humanising, definitely made me want to chat with her more. Hopefully the game allows you to convince the pair to go about cognitive behavioural therapy / anger management without the need for pills.

Sad that I missed out more Tabitha bonding by not calling her, but I also didn't want to put her in harms unnessecarily (the mines were specifically her business, and the ghost hunting was a group thing anyway). Hope I get a chance to help her and Stella reconnect without having to try and recreate this playthrough up to that point.

And the main reason I wanted to write this:

Based on the death certificate and the vision, Enoch lied about Teddy's cause of death, and with Charlie Jr's death being connected to the sigil and Edwardine's sadness in the moment all leads me to believe that there may come a moment when Tabitha, or maybe the MC, will be tempted to sacrifce the other to secure the future of Scarlet Hollow, and I need to be able to beg Tabitha not to make a blood sacrifice of my character before it gets to that point. And like, I know that feeds into the Sybil tea thing, but that also suggests premeditation which I don't think is the case. I just don't want my character to be made into a literal blood sacrifice on the alter of capitalism when I'm already a figurative one irl.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

I hope you don't mind me venting a bit, if you don't want to see this feel free to just ignore it.

My friends keep accidentally outing me?? They're all really close to me and I love them (/p), but I feel like they don't understand how private my identity is to me. Me and one of my friends (we'll call her S) went to summer camp together way back in July, and a bunch of us were hanging out in one of the dorms. And they start playing kiss, marry, kill (a game I have never understood lol), and S goes, "well, [my name] can't play, she's aroace." Which she had no right to do!! Of course she was right I had absolutely no inclination to join whatsoever, and one of the people had just come out to us as bi so we knew it was probably safe, but if I wanted that information spread to a bunch of girls I had never met before in my life I would have done it myself! Or the other day two other friends (C and Z) were jokingly shipping me and another friend (D) in our group chat, and I was just rejecting it (I did enjoy the pun with our names though), and then I reacted STRONGLY to discussion about kids. Obviously raised some questions, and C goes "Cause she's aarrroo". Which 1. isn't even the right part of my identity for that, and 2. Only 2 out of 5 people (not including myself) in that chat knew about it. Once again it was fine, it was hidden in a flood of messages, but still. I confided in them because I'm really close to them and trust them immensly (honestly, they can be uncoorparative sometimes, but they know when to back off if it's something serious and I trust them with my life) but I don't know how to make that clear to them, because I DON'T trust the people they're outing me to that much, and even if I do I want it to be on my own terms. The only people I've come out to so far that were entirely on my terms is them, my mom, and my cousin. I don't even know if my dad knows yet tbh, but if he does it was bc of my mom. Every other time was either an accident, or they forgot/didn't realize that I view it as a really big deal and just let it slip out.

The worst part is I want to be mad at them, but I can't. I quietly yell at them a little bit later, but none of my friends have ever done it multiple times, and if I'm close to someone I find it really hard to stay angry at them. So I want to tell them about it and get them to understand, but they've never done it since I told them I didn't like it, and I WANT to trust them but I still don't really because it's just so easy for them to slip up. All of the scenerios were fine in the end, it really was okay, but it could have not been okay and that makes me nervous. Any advice for how to tackle this?

I'm sorry that happened to you, Anon. It's really not as well-known as it should be that people should never out someone without their permission first. And it's not uncommon for people to just not realise that coming out isn't a one-and-done thing, that coming out to one person doesn't mean a person isn't just out. Especially since that's how it's often portrayed in media.

It does sound like they listened when you asked them to stop, and that's definitely a good sign. You are still allowed to have a conversation with them about it, though. Maybe start with something like 'I just want to explain to you guys why I asked you not to out me' or 'i just want to talk about it a bit, but I'm really happy you guys have been good about not telling people since I asked' or something like that, it won't feel like you're harping on them or putting them on the defensive or make them feel attacked, but just able to more clearly explain your side of things and be understood better.

I definitely think a good conversation is a good way to go, and help you clear the air a bit. And if you know they understand your side better, you'll likely feel more secure that they'll listen and be more careful about outing you.

All the best, Anon! Good luck!

[rhazimpulsivelyposts]

“Is her ♐️ the one who fcked her up?”

I mean, my ♐️ definitely made me no longer want to live with a romantic partner. Like I legit don’t really want to ever live with someone I’m romantically interested in again because I see parts of them that are super unattractive, and I never wanna see a man too comfortable with me again. And my ♐️ mixed with my medication helped me see that I don’t really believe in monogamy anymore. I really don’t believe humans can continue to be satisfied by the same person for long amounts of time. People get bored and people want something different . He watched porn, I started to have a wandering eye when I stopped being physically attracted to him. But he doesn’t get the #1 Trophy of “who fcked up Rhaz”, that goes to my Druggy ♓️.

When I was 13 I met my older cousins new Metal skinny hot best friend. I was still the “younger cousin” and they were 6 years older than me so I was just a child to him. I had SUCH A CRUSH bro. I would hope I’d run into him in the hallway, or that I’d get to go swimming with him so I could show off my body “I’m not a child!” (Yes you were 🤦🏻‍♀️). One time my older cousins invited me to sit in a car with them while they hot-boxed it, and I got to sit next to him, he made a “hot and sticky” joke and I was so nervous that I got super nauseous and ended up hella sick in the bathroom. “Way to go Rhaz, super cool, you can totally hang with the big boys huh?”

When I was on the tail-end of 17, he was going through a breakup with his girlfriend of 4 or 5 years and he finally saw me as an option. He was 23 and I was 17 😑. Looking back on it, really not great. And everyone allowed it. My cousins, my aunt, my father.

We went to the movies, and I had never been SO NERVOUS around a man, and I have never been this nervous since. I was legit almost hyperventilating the whole time and he kept asking me if I was ok and I had to be like “yeah I just am super nervous and can’t breathe 😳😅” which I guess he thought was cute because it didn’t ruin the vibe. He tried to be a good boy and not fck me until I was 18 but I’m not a good girl.

Like a month or two into us dating I asked him if he wanted to take a shower with me, he’d never showered with a girl before. How? You are older than me and had a live in girlfriend? That’s weird? I made him actually shower though. “Don’t touch me, this is a shower, just because I’m in here too doesn’t mean don’t shower” it was sooooo hot. We made it the whole shower with 0 touching , when we got out of the shower I sat up on the counter and started kissing on him until he was too close not to put it in. That moment will stick with me forever. Huge! 🥴😳 painful. Aggressive.

He cuddled me always, running his fingers down my back and then dragging his nails up my back digging in deep. He played guitar and bass, and was good. Him and my cousin used to play music together and it sounded amazing. I used to have a video of them playing Call Of Kathulu but I don’t anymore. He watched anime with me for HOURS straight. He was into art. He was into cars. His music was Rap and Rock and angsty angry boy sht.

But he knew I liked opiates from overhearing me talk to my aunt about missing taking norcos with my drug dealer ass ♊️ ex. He also liked norcos. He liked that he had someone to enjoy drugs with in me.

He didn’t have a car and I didn’t have a car, he was going to get a job in Roseville while living at my aunts and I told him that if he did that, we would have to stop dating, because I don’t want to have to take the bus hella far every week or weekend or when ever to see him and I don’t wanna do long distance. He saw this as an ultimatum that made him angry with me. It’s not an ultimatum I’m just stating that if you live up here and get a job up here and it’s hard for us to see each other, I don’t want to be your girlfriend. I think that was reasonable even to this day. He chose to move in with me and get a job in my area. He lived with me at my dad’s and Grandmother’s house . Because he through such a fit about the “ultimatum” I asked my dad if it’s ok if he doesn’t pay rent and we buy our own food. HE DIDNT PAY RENT or contribute to the household at all.

The next 4 years were filled with norcos, morphine, roxies, Oxy, mushrooms, acid, Molly, Klonopin, cyclobenzaprine, Xanax, weed, alcohol. We would use one drug till the tolerance got too high and then cycle to the next one to help us come down off the first one. The first time I started taking OxyContin and we were out, he left me to come down ALONE , to go hang out and care for his male friend who was also a druggy. I had never had such bad come-downs I was afraid! I was annoyed and sick! He made up for it later. I guess.

Then one day I brought home adderall. He told me he had an issue with it in highschool but he didn’t emphasize to me any time of addiction? We took it and it had a blast. We stayed up all night cuddling, fcking, and watching “Australia’s Deadliest Creatures” on Netflix . When we were out I thought “ cool that was fun, next!” But what I didn’t know if that his coworkers at the truss yard heard he liked adderall and started offering him meth.

He started doing meth behind my back. He started coming home and sleeping for hours and picking at his face but, we did that on opiates, I thought it was normal? Then he started accusing me of messing with the computer, which I didn’t do and didn’t understand what he was seeing or thinking I did to it. He started accusing me of cheating on him, when all I ever did was go to work at Starbucks or Sams Club and go home. I spent all my time with him, he lived with me! If I hung out with coworkers at all after my shift he would blow up my phone. He would say he’s pick me up after work and then fall asleep and I’d have to walk or bus home and then he’d be mad I didn’t “call him enough” .

I finally told him I’m over how he is acting and “what the fck is your deal?!” And he told me he was doing meth and it was fcking up his life. He BLAMED ME! For bringing the adderall home. He told me he was trying to stop and that he just needed help and care for a while, SO I DID. He was already almost always tended to and pampered anyways but I tried to choke down my anger and disgust for him doing meth to help him out of it.

Instead of telling me when he was having cravings or was sick and not ok, he just started doing meth again behind my back. For another few months! Then he started getting violent. He would accuse me of cheating or lying and when I would argue back he would belittle me and call me names and back me into corners. He was driving me crazy! I had undiagnosed ADHD and was on painkilllers, my anger and rage was also pretty uncontrollable. I would throw things and yell. Our relationship became to toxic and scary. I watched as the man I loved since I was a child and a man I wanted a life with become this monster who dragged me down with him constantly to his level.

I couldn’t fcking do it anymore! After he shoved me into a desk, I started sleeping in the garage at night. I would have to lock the door because he wanted in there so badly. He would bang on the door and yell through it, and my dad would yell at him and tell him to fuck off. He would say things like “I know you have another man in there I can see it! I can see you sucking his dck you fucking whre! “ when I was legit just laying in makeshift bedding on the floor of the garage with my laptop playing YouTube or on Facebook. It was scary!

I told him that I couldn’t help him anymore and that I needed him to move out, but where was he going to go?! Am I really about to kick a man I love out on the street?! To be homeless?! While he is dealing with addiction?! Do I even love him? Do I have a heart? Am I abandoning him?! This STILL HURTS ME! I will never stop feeling guilty for this!

My ♌️ SAVED ME! She didn’t even know me. I was just some girl at work she decided to let stay on her couch for a few nights. She came and picked me up the last night I saw him for years. He broke everything in my room. He broke EVERYTHING!

He finally left when he figured I wasn’t coming back until he left. My aunt took him in, he left in my aunt and uncles garage for another year. He took advantage of their kindness. He continued to do drugs , not keep a job, he got a new druggy girlfriend to be toxic and abuse and fight with. They finally couldn’t take it anymore either and the kicked him out.

This last year I got a new job where I get to drive around for work, I would have to SEE HIM! Homeless! Begging! At an freeway exit. Weeks in a row I had to see his face out there!

This isn’t my fault! He is his own person! He made his own decisions! I don’t understand addiction, I’m sorry I don’t. I got off pills. I take kratom daily, which isn’t too much better but it doesn’t destroy my life and eat all my money and take away life opportunities for me. I didn’t make him homesless! He did that to himself ! He chose that ! I didn’t chose that for myself!

My ♐️ was someone who I could do drugs with for fun like this, and he didn’t get addicted, and he didn’t choose drugs over a job or having disposable income. My ♐️ was into music, and art, and cars, and good food, and video games. My ♐️ had a good sense of style (before he would gain weight and I wasn’t attracted to him physically anymore each time it happened ) . My ♐️ was always calm, never quick to anger or anxiety. It balanced out with my constant high-strung personality. We would go to events like concerts and raves, and take molly . Or take mushrooms or acid and just hang out and go for walks and look at graffiti. We would go to museums and art shows, and car shows. He used to be adventurous and fun, used to be. He will blame it on me never wanting to go outside anymore but I didn’t want to go outside anymore because I didn’t think he looked cute anymore and I didn’t want to be “that couple” where I thought one was hot and the other wasn’t. The “how did he get her” couple, which is gross and shallow of me but that’s just who I am ok. I’m vain. I take pride in my appearance. My ♐️ started out cuddly , then it was “it’s too hot for that” “you are hurting my arm/chest” “hold on I have to smoke” . My ♐️ was aggressive in bed, which I liked, but we stopped having sex often because I wasn’t initiating because I wasn’t attracted to him, and he would watch porn and blow his load and not be craving any actual physical intimacy anymore. He starved me of my love language completely for the last 3 or 4 years of our 6 years relationship.

So yeah, I don’t trust people, I don’t love people, I don’t want to be responsible for anyone, I don’t want my life decisions to affect anyone else’s life, I won’t stay with someone when they are struggling, I won’t stay with someone if they don’t stay physically attractive to me, sex and touch is a drug to me so if one person doesn’t give it to me I find someone else who will . People are temporary. Except my ♌️. I hope I never lose her. I hope I can be there for her if she ever needs me, but I know I could never be there for her like she is there for me.

I love the moments we share, but that’s what they are, “moments”, and one day you’ll change into something I don’t like, and I’ll walk away like I always do. “Next!”

[aka217]

ok so 2022

(yes, 2022. I know this is just about a year old, and honestly i completed the writing maybe 6 months ago, but I just didn't get around to it. so apologize to my two readers - hello Ading, hello wife - I'll be doing one more of these, then with hope I'll be transitioning to monthly format on insta 2024. That should make these a little more interesting and easier to put together for tumblr.)

well then. what a difference a year makes. I remember 2021 kind of being 2020 part 2, and even after getting vaccinated it wasn't like things were back to normal. However in 2022 (and more so getting Covid post vaccinated) there was some assurance that maybe we can get back to things that once was. But on top of that, I made a major pivot to my career, as well as started traveling to new places, and even a new car. A lot of key points in my life have been impacted this year, so let's dive into it:

January - Start off with a seeing golden state warriors vs. the heat with a couple friends. Soon after we are flying back to Orlando to celebrate Justin and Susette's Wedding. At the time one of the covid variants was ramping up at this time, and it definitely felt like we were going backwards. I remember being pretty concerned, and if I weren't the best man there was real consideration to missing out on Justin's wedding, but seeing as he's very much my best friend it's kind of crazy to think we were considering it. But we went, masks and all, and what a wonderful time we had. Thankfully we got out of there unscathed. It was exhausting dancing so much under a mask, but overall if that small inconvenience relieved our concerns it was well worth it.

February - So I decided to leave HCI. Forever thankful that I was given the opportunity to come on board during the breakout of Covid, and really kept me and Ashley afloat during our move to California. But ultimately it wasn't a job I found enjoyable, as it leaned more into sales than engineering. And with Covid still at the time a looming presence, the idea of increasing the amount of customer visits this year was not my cup of tea. I had been in talks about pursuing a transition into project management, and again thanks to key friends that can connect me, I was well into talks about joining the tech world. Risky once more, I decided to leave before securing my next place. But as grateful as ever that things turned out alright for me, as I would soon after leaveing HCI secure my spot with Paramount+. What that did was allow me gain a small gap of funemploymet, and boy did I make good use of that. First was a local rental of a Porsche Boxster, taking through Napa, Sonoma, and up Mt. Diablo. Then shortly after we took a week long trip to Portland. Hanging out with Ashley's Aunt/Uncle/Cousin, we explored the city of Portland for a bit, and even made a trek out to Tillamook. Also in Portland, I rented an mx-5 and took it through the gorge, which is along the columbus river that naturally splits Oregon and Washington. Honestly, one of the most beautiful drives I've been on.

March - Relatively quiet, although I did start my job at Paramount+. Those early days were honestly pretty nice, as it was definitely slow paced with really no work and just taking it all in. Being my first remote job, it was an interesting adjustment in lifestyle. There were a few outings this month, including kareoke in sf, and a house warming for Francis and Nhi.

April - started out the month is a visit to the SF Giants game vs. Miami Marlins, we typically only go at this point to grab food and enjoy the atmosphere. Next was celebrating my Lexus' Quinceanera, 15 years and about 190,000 miles on the odometer. With brand new headlights and a well equipped roof rack, we had a mini photoshoot to celebrate. Soon after, getting ready for Coachella, Ashley gets Covid. We pin it to the baseball game, as that really was the only place Ashley went out in public. Oddly, I tested negative the whole time, and decided to still go to Coachella.

Alright Coachella. I'm writing this out as I may in the future forget, what what an experience. It was a lot, it was exhausting, but I don't regret it, but not sure I'd do it again. I'm someone who studied the festival lineup, listened to each artist beforehand to pick out people I may like to hear, and set out to listen to everyone that I could, from opening bands all the way to the closer, every day. I did not hang out with the group that I went with, I for the most part was by myself to enjoy the music. I stopped drinking from the first day as it was slowing me down, and did not do me any favors powering through the day. My feet hurt so bad, and my throat was killing me. But man did I get a lot in during those 3 days, seeing so many great acts. I milked the opportunity and saw as much acts as I could. There are a few things I would do differently the second time, like not have such a big backpack so I can dance more freely, but honestly I'm not so sure I'd do it again. Yes, it was a very concentrated musical experience, but also the for the amount I paid, I could probably spread out that money into multiple concerts across an entire year. But again, I'm glad I went, to say and know what it is like.

But back to reality, Ashley had a miserable Covid weekend (and made sure I felt sorry about it), and leaving Coachella I, too got Covid. Hard to say where I got it from, but it did hit me that following week, but honestly getting the vaccine shots effected me worse. At this point I think I would just be as exhausted with a sore throat post Coachella, covid or no covid. And thankfully just starting my job, there was minimal impact to work hah.

May - Post-Covid is a whole new swerve on life, one I would have though post-vaccine would be. At this point it really does feel like we are heading to a world that once was. May starts with my parents visiting us, and taking a trip to Yosemite for my first time. Honestly really cool landscape and very unique rock formations. Back home, we take more chances to eat out at restaurants (for now out on the patio, but still a worlds difference that take out). And this also marks the time where we start playing D&D. Having watched actual plays via Dimension 20, we embarked on playing the game ourselves. With a welcoming community at a local game shop, this would be the start of regular D&D sessions throughout the summer

June - Few key points this month. We attend Mia's debut, at a beautiful venue right off the bay water. It's interesting to think back that her sweet 16 we were doing a drive-by celebration with masks outside and no lingering, but here we are out dancing with a large group of people. It's really refreshing we've gotten back to something like that. This also marks the point where internally I had a goal to stay afloat long enough in California to see this birthday, and would mark the point where we can look back and say, keep going or what's next? Still a question to this day, but glad we were able to make the moved to California work for us up to this point. Mid-June we take a quick trip to Los Angeles, for one to watch a live show of D&D with many of our favorite players, as well as catch up with a few old friends who live in the area. And last, we watched Benee in concert, someone who's music was prevalent during the quarantine part of Covid that it felt fitting to see them live in concert

July - Start off the month with Ryan's bachelor party in Vegas. What a rukus of a time. A hot time to go to Vegas, but we were there to catch Summer League, which was a lot of fun albeit quite short. We also went through Meow Wolf which was pretty cool. Boys will be boys, and we did a lot of tomfoolery that weekend. Later in the month Ash and I went back home to go to Sannibel, and old stomping ground, to celebrate my Dad's 70th. This mixed in with some time back home in Miami, it's always nice to get a little injection of home once in a while.

August - ahh, and here we are. after a year and a half of waiting, my Bronco finally arrives. There was large anticipation, followed by months of doubt of getting it for years (I even ordered another car for the interim, and that too was delayed). But yea, kind of crazy to be buying another brand new car, but this felt like the best possible compromise between my wants and needs. We'll soon find that I'll barely get to drive it, but I do my best, taking to roof off when I can, and the first weekend drove down to Monterey to get a set of wheels. The following weekend is Ryan and Katrina's wedding, so mini reunion with old college friends (and would be the kick off of many reunions going into next year). The following week we took a trip to Denver for Ashley's birthday to see one her best friends and her cousin. First time in Denver it was interesting to see all of the little pockets of the city, each having their own kind of architecture. Also cool to be surrounded by mountains. While there I was remote working and dog sitting their 3 dogs. We met up with Ash's cousin, where we met her little kid at the aquarium. I also saw a Bronco Raptor which was pretty exciting for me, too. With our new love of Dungeons and Dragons, we hired a private DM to host a night for us and show Ashley's friend how to play. Before the month ends, a couple more moments: the first time I went into the office in the city. Honestly for me this was a huge deal.

September Hoo boy, this was a good one. For a while we wanted to explore the west coast more, and given the chance now with both of us remote, we wanted to enter the idea of living somewhere for an extended time, so we pulled the trigger and rented a flat in Seattle for a month. This place was right across the street from pike place market for maximum opportunity. Although we had a bit of an adventure securing the right room, we'd finally settle into a great place with enough space and a lot of sunlight coming in. Such a refreshing experience, and Seattle treated us so well with only giving us maybe half a days rain the whole month. Traveling wise we got plenty of chances to explore Pike Place Market, as well as travel further out to other pockets; capitol hill, Ballard farmers market, Bellevue. Events I went to while there included PAX, which was a cool environment to see upcoming games. I also saw Lisa Wallen do comedy in a secret venue (ended up being at a small photo studio). It was nice to meet her afterwards and talk for a minute. I also got to see a cousin and catch up. We even got a session in of D&D. Another big event to cross off my bucket list was got to DirtFish Rally school. One of the coolest driving experiences, it was so much fun to go out there and slide about. After all of the exploration of my driving enthusiasm, I really think sliding around in dirt is the pinnacle of my happiness doing it. I'm so glad I did it, glad I splurged to do the full day, it was definitely worth it. In the end, Seattle was such a dream of a stay. It's on the list of place we could move to, although I like the idea of taking in Seattle one month at a time, I hope we can do it again soon.

October Back in Oakland, but still a few meaningful events. One was Francis' bachelor party in Chicago. My first experience with Chicago was riddled with bad luck, not Chicago's fault, so it was nice to get redemption. It started with a night that went a little too wild, followed by days of recovery doing smaller things. But I did really enjoy the architecture boat tour, Chicago really does have great buildings along the river and lake coast. Besides the first nights jazz club and debauchery club, we also did a game night event which was cool, and while some of the guys went to a movie for Halloween I went to a underground club by myself which was an interesting experience. The other big thing in October was our dating anniversary, where we went to see Panic! At the Disco. While we got pretty decent seats, Ashley entered to win better seats and we won, gaining us access to floor seats right up front which was kind of crazy. While it wasn't the same songs as we loved in college, it was a fun time to be at a big concert.

November Ok so much like Seattle, we spent all of November (and the first week of December) in Florida. Chaotic is a word you can use to describe it, purely on the amount of traveling and seeing all sorts of family and friends. The paint a picture, we switched where we slept a total of 11 times, and that still doesn't capture the couple days where we took day trips. Might just have to list out a few notable pieces: Zachary's 18 spent at Hard Rock, only to eventually find out it was 21+ spent the night with Eddy on the coast to watch the Artemis rocket launch, a project they started developing what Ashley was still at NASA Ivanhoe christmas block party with Ashley's best friend, and really just a rare alignment of the stars to spend the time with them Photoshoot with Kevin/Kim's immediate family, which was nice because we haven't done something like that before, that also transitioned to a trip to Kissimmee, and Thanksgiving at Capitol Grill Ocala to see Ashley's parents, whinwe haven't seen for a while Nana's 80th birthday, which was a big surprise celebration in which a lot of Ashley's family was able to make it out. An really refreshing time and happy to see her family having a good time

December Back int he bay, once again just recovering from the month before, we kept it fairly low key. One notable excursion was to hog island for some fresh oysters, and another random trip to Palace of Fine Arts. for Christmas was spent it with the cuz and fam with dinner. For New years Ashley cooked up a delightful Filipino feast.

And that was it. As always, additional tidbits: A lot of opportunities to drive different cars. The Kia Soul was a quirky cheap car that was fun to have for a week. And the best drive was in the MX 5. Food? The first time I had House of Prime Rib, which I thought about that meal from time to time months later. Introduced to Marion Berry in Portland, especially a Marion Berry cobbler which we had to eat twice before we left. Another notable mention is iPot, a lovely spot for ayce hot pot/ kbbq that brought us joy throughout the year.

These year reviews are extensive. And that's good, my life grants me many adventures, more than I even write and record. I'll likely try to recap after each month, so that the task is less daunting, and perhaps provide better reflection. Currently writing the end of this April 2023, and so I already have insight into the next year. But If I recall, no matter what I think the next year will bring, there will many things, big and small, that will take me for surprise. and I'm ok with that.

To the next!

[wordofthewicked]

Showtime- Paul Lahote

Fic description: A chance meeting one sunny afternoon on La Push brings you face to face with Paul Lahote. Your strange connection with him, and the fact that it was his soccer ball that broke your nose, you were wrapped up into an unseen world that lived in tandem with yours. How far are you willing to go for true love? How far are you willing to go to protect the people you love?

TW: talks of violence, blood, injuries (Emily’s backstory) nothing graphic

Part Three Part Five

General Masterlist

Showtime Masterlist

~~~

Part Four

By the time Thursday arrived, you were nearly bouncing out of your seat in your last period class. Angela looked over at you, giving you an odd glance. You dismissed her, excited to be with Emily and Kim. As soon as the bell rang, you bolted out of the door and to your locked. You grabbed what books you thought you’d need, and raced into into the parking lot. The rest of your friend group, who usually met up in the parking lot after class to hang out before going home, watched you run by without a word. You nearly threw your backpack into your passenger seat, and sped off toward La Push.

When you arrived at the cabin, Emily and Kim were sitting around the table, drinking out of mugs. There was one placed next to an empty seat, and you went in quietly and sat down. Both women smiled warmly, welcoming you in.

“It’s good to see you again, Y/N.” Emily spoke, her eyes sparkling with genuine happiness at my presence.

“You guys too. I’ve been really looking forward to this.” You answered, grabbing the mug as Kim pushed it towards you.

It was hot cocoa, and you could tell it was definitely homemade. You felt you could get used to this very easily- the love and laughter that echoed around the walls of the cabin.

“So how have you been doing with everything?” Kim asked, swirling her mug around nonchalantly.

You shrugged frowning a bit. “It’s hard, keeping it a secret. I mean, I’ve had the same friends since I was in diapers. It’s difficult to keep something so big from them.”

Emily and Kim nodded in understanding, both of them knowing exactly how I was feeling.

“I know, it’s hard. I’m lucky that now Seth and Leah have phased, I have family that knows. They’re my cousins. Plus Sue and Harry, my aunt and uncle, are elders, so they’ve always known. It was a bit easier to have adults to walk me through it, help me understand. But… it wasn’t easy, especially at the beginning. Leah and Sam were dating- they had been for over three years. When I came to visit my family, Sam freaked out when we met. He broke up with Leah the next day, with pretty much no information. And then he showed up, trying to talk to me. He showed me the wolf thing, explained the imprinting. I told him off, told him to go back and date Leah again. He came back, though. I learned more about his tribe, and the legends. But still, when he talked about feelings, I sent him away again and again. Eventually we got into a fight over it, I was begging him to go back to Leah. I said… I don’t know, I said something stupid that made him mad. And Sam phased. I was standing too close.” Emily gestured at her face, sighing a bit.

“Sam did that to you?” I gasped, eyes widening at her scars.

Emily nodded, shrugging. “I know he didn’t mean to. Jared heard him freaking out through their telepathy, and got Paul to get my aunt Sue. They were pretty deep. I had to tell everyone I was mauled by a bear. It was shaky at best, but it was the only thing we could think of that wouldn’t expose Sam. I asked for him when I was in the hospital, but he refused to come see me. When I got back home, he finally came to see me. He was… he was a mess. I knew he was barely sleeping or eating, he looked like shit. And he begged me to tell him to kill himself, so that he could do it without hurting m, so he didn’t have to live with the pain of what he did. I had already forgiven him, before that moment. But god, did my heart break seeing how ruined he was. And I knew that I was fucked, and no matter how I tried, I would love him.”

You listened intently, but couldn’t help the feeling of dread that had settled into your stomach. Sam had nearly killed her, and she ran back to him. Is that what the imprint bond was? A ball and chain attached to yourselves, destined to sink together, rather than swim apart. Would Paul hurt you if he got mad?

“Y/N?” Kim called, tilting her head at you. “You okay?”

You nodded, smiling slightly at Emily. “That’s just a lot to take in. My broken nose imprint meeting was so much easier. I guess I’m just lucky things went well.”

“I don’t blame Sam, though I know he blames himself. I couldn’t imagine if when I got angry, I turned into a wolf. That would be crazy to handle, especially in public.” Emily spoke, sipping her hot chocolate.

“Yeah, I never thought about that.” You answered, suddenly losing the urge to drink the rest of your mug. “Why… why did you tell me that? I mean, if you want me to like start dating Paul, why would you tell me all of that?”

Emily laughed lightly, sitting back in her seat. “I didn’t tell you that to scare you off. Also I don’t care what the nature of you and Paul’s relationship is, I care that you’re comfortable. I told you because it’s important you know it isn’t always all romantic and perfect. Kim and Jared got a cute love story, and Sam and I have one now. You and Paul are strangers- take time to get to know him, and don’t rush anything you don’t want to. Don’t feel guilty, like you’re not doing enough for him, or you’re hurting him by not being with him. The imprint bond can be really overwhelming, and you’ll find it’ll affect you more and more as time goes on. Or maybe it doesn’t, maybe you just grow to love them more. Sometimes I can’t tell if it’s the bond, or if it’s just knowing you’re with the right person.”

You nodded, but didn’t respond right away. Instead, you sat back in your chair, resting your arms on your stomach and looking up at the ceiling.

“I think it’s a bit of both, sometimes. When we’re hanging out, I know that it’s the love that everyone else feels. But then I just realize how much I truly do feel like he is the other half of my soul, and I’m sure no human connection could ever feel like that, or people wouldn’t be able to function.” Kim admitted, her wide smile evident in her tone.

Before you could respond, you heard yelling and laughing in the distance. The pack was returning, which meant that your time of talking openly about being imprinted on was over. Even with what Emily said, it seemed like both of them were happiest with their partner, rather than without. Still, you were nervous about your own future, your own ties to Paul. What feelings were yours, and which were the bond’s?

You sat up, fixing your hair and picking up the mug into your hands. Sam was the first one to enter the house, and he greeted you and Kim with nods before coming to wrap his arms around Emily’s shoulders. Quil and Embry came in next, moving towards the kitchen while the rest of the pack settled in. Paul walked in last, and when your eyes met, his face lit up into a smile.

“Hey, Y/N.” He called, leaning against the doorway of the cabin casually.

“Hey yourself.” You replied, smiling at him weirdly.

“How’d your afternoon here go?” Sam asked, looking at you.

“It was… informative.” You answered simply, taking a sip out of the mug slowly.

“Hey wait. You made them hot chocolate?” Seth asked, sniffing the air with annoyance. “You said you’ll only make hot chocolate for special occasions.”

Emily laughed, shaking her head. “And today was a special occasion.”

I stood up and walked towards Seth, pushing my mug towards him. “Here, you can have mine. I don’t have the biggest sweet tooth.”

The young boy looked at you excitedly and took the cup, before wrapping you in a hug. “You’re the best.”

You stiffened for a second in surprise, but smiled and hugged him back tightly. You noticed Leah in the corner, something close to a smile resting on her face. You broke away from Seth and returned to your seat. Quil and Embry appeared from the kitchen, carrying bags of chips. They tossed Paul a red bag and he caught it without looking, his eyes trained on you. You made eye contact with him then, and he seemed to be trying to read you. You smiled slightly at him, but he didn’t return it.

You turned to look over at Emily, but your phone rang in your pocket. You pulled it out and glanced down to look at it, seeing Jessica’s name light up the screen. She wasn’t much of a caller- she had gotten a new fancy phone with a full keyboard and tended to text the rest of you, much to your flip phone’s dismay. You furrowed your eyebrows and picked up.

“Hello?” You answered, standing up and sliding past Paul to stand outside on the porch.

“Y/N! You’re never going to believe this!” Jessica screeched, her excitement evident through the receiver. “What are you doing? Never mind-I’m going to come over.”

“Uh, I’m actually not home right now.” You answered, clearing your throat. “What happened?”

“Bitch, where are you then?” Jessica laughed, fake annoyance in her tone. “I have gossip to share!”

You rolled your eyes, not interested in what she had to say right then. “I’m with some friends. Can I call you later?”

“Uhm, since when do you have friends that I don’t? We’ve been in the same friend group since pre-k.” She answered, her voice quieting.

“Just some new people I met.” You replied, hitting your lip unconsciously.

Jessica sighed before speaking again. “Well, fine, keep your secrets. But Tyler was asking about you today.”

“What? Why? What did he say?” You asked, walking down the stairs away from the cabin.

“He wanted to see if you were still single. Apparently he’s been planning to ask you out, but you seemed distracted this week, so he didn’t get the chance.”

“What did you say?” You asked, your heart skipping a beat, anxiously.

“Uh… I don’t know, Y/N, what do you think I said when the guy you’ve been crushing on since 8th grade wants to ask you out? I told him hell yes! He said he’s going to ask you tomorrow during lunch!” Jessica squealed, laughing excitedly. “You have to pick out what you’re going to wear and send me pictures.”

“Fuck, Jess. Why would you say that?” You cursed, before hitting the palm of your hand against your forehead a few times. “I mean, with my broken nose and stuff. I don’t want to go on a date with a broken nose.”

“Why does that even matter? Why aren’t you excited right now? What’s going on with you?” Jessica demanded, her voice filled with vague concern that she was attempting to mask.

You sighed, “Everything’s fine. Look- can we talk about this later? I’ll call you tonight, okay?”

“Okay, but you better explain what’s going on! Is it a guy? Oh I bet it’s a guy.” She teased, and I could imagine the face she was making.

“Mmmm, gotta go Jess, bye.” You replied, snapping your phone shut and resisting the urge to throw it at something.

You sighed, slid your phone into your pocket, and turned to go back into the house. When you entered, Paul had moved out of the doorway, and everyone was silent. You looked at them in confusion, but they weren’t meeting your gaze.

“What happened when I was out there?” You asked, furrowing your eyebrows when you sat down.

When no one answered, you met Kim’s eyes, and she made a phone gesture with her fingers, holding it up to her ear. You tilted your head at her in confusion.

Sam cleared his throat awkwardly, his face remaining neutral. “Another… wolf perk, if you will, is that we have really, really good hearing.”

Realization dawned on you, and you looked over at Paul, who was staring down into his open bag of Doritos. He felt your gaze on him, and looked up.

“Who’s uh… who’s Tyler?” Paul asked, his voice evidently annoyed, but he was trying to cover it.

“We go to school together.” You answered, narrowing your eyes.

You thought back to Emily and Kim’s testaments to the imprint bond being incredibly strong, and thought about how Paul would be feeling at the moment. You also thought about Emily’s reminder that you were strangers, and just friends.

Paul nodded, but didn’t speak, looking back into his chip bag. After another minute of silence, you sighed dramatically.

“Can you just say what you want to say about the phone call?” You asked, rolling your eyes. “Clearly you would like to discuss what you heard. I can’t read your mind, Paul.”

“I would, actually. You haven’t told your friends about me, or us?” Paul asked, putting his Doritos down on the chair next to him.

“Us?” You questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“The pack.” Paul answered, gesturing around the room. “Us.”

“No, I haven’t.” You replied, shrugging. “What’s the difference?”

“Oh I don’t know, maybe to let them know what you’re doing. Or that you actually care about us.” He answered, folding his arms.

You laughed, shaking your head. “I’ve known you for less than a week.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.” He mumbled, looking at the ground.

“You and I both know it has nothing to do with that. You’re jealous about Tyler.” You answered, smiling smugly at him.

Paul huffed and sat back in his seat, rolling his eyes. “I am not jealous.”

“You’re sitting there, throwing a little toddler tantrum because you heard someone was going to ask me out.” You pressed, leaning forward in your own seat.

“I am not throwing a tantrum.” He asserted, narrowing his eyes at you.

You smiled and shook your head. “Whatever you say, bud. My friends aren’t the ones sitting in the room refusing to make eye contact because they feel awkward.”

Paul stood up, his posture becoming tense as he did. He looked almost angry, and you sat back in your seat in surprise at his movement. His gaze was intense on you, and you wondered for a moment if he was going to phase.

“Are you going to say yes?” He demanded, folding his arms across his chest.

You felt annoyance bubble into you, but you didn’t let it become anger. “Maybe, maybe not. It doesn’t concern you either way.”

“It does concern me. You’re my… imprint.” He answered, his voice faltering in tone a bit. “And I don’t want just some guy hanging around and hurting you.”

“Alright, well sit your jealous ass back down.” You ordered, pointing at his seat. He huffed a bit, but did as you said. “Cool your jets. Eat your Doritos. And get your foot out of your mouth.”

Leah laughed a bit, but covered it up as a cough when Sam sent her a glare. Paul didn’t speak, choosing to instead glare at the floor.

“Are you really this worked up over some guy’s name you heard over a phone call, that you eavesdropped on?” You asked, sighing a bit.

Paul nodded his head, but then shook it. “No, that’s… that’s unfair of me to do. I’m sorry.”

You smiled over at him, but then straightened your face. “Thank you, I appreciate and accept your apology. I know I don’t understand how you feel, but you need to remember that we just met, and I have a whole 18 years of life that happened before you. That doesn’t change just because you came into it.”

“I know, I’m sorry Y/N. There’s a lot of emotions I’m not used to feeling that are coming up since we met. I’m trying to work through them, it’s just difficult.” Paul admitted, looking up at you.

You nodded at him, “I know. It’s a learning curve for us both, okay? We’ll get through it together, that’s what I’m here for.”

Paul smiled up at you, small crinkles forming around his eyes.

“That was the most impressive thing I think I’ve ever seen.” Jared commented, nodding towards you slowly. “Paul met his match.”

“Please, I bet when he actually gets angry, they won’t stand a chance.” Seth joked, taking a sip of the hot chocolate.

Jacob jabbed him in the side with his elbow, and Seth choked on his drink.

The pack slowly started talking again, chasing out the awkwardness of the afternoon. You fell into their banter as easily as before, but your thoughts were distracted by Seth’s words.

They won’t stand a chance.

~~~

The next morning, you said goodbye to your parents and got into your car. You pulled out of your driveway and headed to the end of your street. At the last second, you turned in the opposite direction of Fork’s High School, and began heading toward La Push.

You weren’t keen on Tyler asking you out at lunch, and you didn’t want your parents to ask what was wrong if you stayed home. Instead, you decided to spend the day by yourself, at the beach. You were hoping that Paul and the pack weren’t there, and you found it deserted when you arrived. You sighed a breath of relief and parked your car, hurrying out into the sand. You walked over to an overturned log and sat down, looking out into the water.

You closed your eyes and hummed, enjoying the sting of the cold salty air on your skin. It was an unusually cold day for early spring, but you preferred it that way. The cold and rain was something you couldn’t get enough of, and when the rain started misting into the air, you simply pulled your hood up and stayed where you were. It was nice to be alone with your thoughts sometimes, especially when you had so many circling in your mind.

Paul had texted you this morning, as he did every morning since Monday. You didn’t respond though, defeated by your attempts at unraveling your feelings towards him. You knew he was likely wondering why you didn’t reply, but you couldn’t bring yourself to.

You hadn’t slept much the previous night, the images of Emily’s scars and Seth’s words were bouncing around your head. How dangerous was Paul? Kim said he was a loner with a tough exterior and Jared said he was pretty hotheaded, too. Yet, Paul always shut them up before they could give more information. Was Paul more of a threat than the rest of them? Was it a matter of time before you joined Emily in being disfigured by the man you were destined to love?

You did seem to get him out of his feelings pretty quickly, but that was a fleeting moment of jealously. What if you were the one who made him angry? What if you two fought one day, and you couldn’t calm him down fast enough?

You sighed to yourself and rubbed your hands together, suddenly realizing how cold you were. You had been sitting there for a while, but since your phone was in your car, you couldn’t exactly be sure how long. You heard a branch snap in the woods behind you, and whipped your head around to find the culprit. A large, chocolate brown wolf was staring at you from the trees.

You knew immediately it was someone from the pack, but who it was, you weren’t sure. You narrowed your eyes at them, and they huffed in response, nodding their head over their shoulder.

“What? You want me to follow you?” You asked, laughing slightly.

The wolf nodded his head yes, so you stood up, dusted the sand off your pants, and walked into the woods. The wolf went slowly, making sure to not rush your careful movements. There wasn’t any clear path that you could see, so it was mostly climbing over roots and random bushes. Eventually you did reach a short path, and when you looked back, you realized he had lead you to the far side of the beach. It would’ve been much easier to walk on the shoreline, but you assumed that they took the wooded route to stay hidden.

When the trees cleared enough, you found yourself standing outside Sam and Emily’s cabin. You looked at the wolf weirdly, but they kept walking and lead you towards the front of the house. You tilted your head in confusion, but they just pointed their nose at the door. You walked up to the screen door and entered, a few heads turning to look at you.

“Y/N?” Paul asked, his eyes wide as he took in your disheveled appearance. He stood up and rushed toward your side, reaching out to pull some leaves out of your hair. “What happened? Are you okay? Why aren’t you in school?”

You looked up at the clock beside you and noted it was only 12:30. You furrowed your eyebrows and shook your head. “I ditched today. I was sitting on the beach, and one of you guys came and lead me here.”

Paul looked over your shoulder out the door, and noticed the wolf standing there, who whined a bit. “Quil? What’s wrong? Sam!”

Sam rushed over and took in your status, and kept walking outside. “Quil? What happened?”

Quil phased into his human form, and you looked away immediately. “Leah and Jared caught the leech’s scent, so Seth went to loop around to try and cut her off. We picked her up in the woods, she was moving in towards Forks, fast. I got Y/N’s scent on the way after her, and followed that instead, to bring her here for safety.”

Paul gasped slightly and looked down at you, like he was thankful you were alive. “Quil- thank you so much.”

“Paul- you, Embry, and Quil stay here. Quil- stay phased so we can contact you if she doubles back, so you all can meet us. Until I come back, stay here, stay alert.” Sam ordered. You heard an odd noise, followed by heavy pounding as Sam phased and ran into the woods.

Paul fixed your hair, smiling at you. “I’m sorry about that. I’m glad Quil brought you here.”

“What’s going on? What did he mean by leech? Who are you hunting?” You asked, confusion dripping from your tone.

Paul sighed, leading you toward the couch. “There’s… some things I didn’t explain before. I wasn’t trying to overwhelm you too much.”

You sat down quietly, waiting for him to continue. Embry took the cue to leave the room, and wandered outside to sit with Quil. Paul took a deep breath before launching into his story.

“We aren’t the only… creatures around, I guess. I mean, I don’t want to categorize us in the same level with them, but we’re both not entirely human. The reason we can shift is so that we can protect our tribe from the cold ones, or vampires.” Paul explained, grabbing one of your hands gently.

“Vampires?” You echoed, your eyes wide.

“Yes. The Cullen’s, I’m sure you know them from school, they’re a whole family of vampires. But they’re different, they don’t hunt humans, only animals. Recently, there’s been another vampire, a bad one, who does drink human blood, has been coming around here. We’re keeping her at bay, and chase her out of our woods whenever she comes by. We don’t really know what she’s after, or why she’s here.” Paul finished, squeezing your fingers gently.

“So… god that makes so much sense. I don’t know why I never thought about it. They’re all so pretty, and pale, and they literally don’t come to school when it’s sunny. Oh my god, I’ve been going to school with vampires? All that time? Four years?” You gasped, shaking your head.

Paul nodded, smiling at you. “They’re not much better than the rest of them. I was glad when they skipped town. Its their fault the genes were activated to make all of us phase.”

“Do you hate that?” You asked gently, looking at your entwined hands.

“Hate what?” He asked, furrowing his eyes brows.

“That you shift? I mean your whole life had to change. Do you hate it?” You elaborated, studying his eyes.

He thought for a moment, but shook his head slowly. “I did for a while, but I don’t think I could possibly hate anything when it led me to y-“

“Hey.” Embry’s interrupted, looking down at our hands then back up at Paul’s face. “She turned north again. Leah and Jared have her close to the boarder, and they don’t think she’ll be coming back for a bit. Just wanted to update you.”

Paul thanked him and Embry left awkwardly, realizing he had entered at an important part of the conversation. You let go of Paul’s hand and ran it through your hair, picking out small pine needles as you did.

Paul sighed and turned away from you, looking out the windows. You felt guilty- the weight of you pulling away from him slowly was bothering him, you could tell. When you first met, it was an exciting sort of attraction- two strangers who were flirting with one another without consequence. Now you felt that every touch meant something different. You wanted to curl into yourself, disappear.

“Why did you skip school today?” Paul asked, still scanning the trees outside.

You smiled a bit, shrugging. “Didn’t feel like it. Wasn’t looking forward to seeing Tyler.”

“Oh? Why’s that?” He prompted, turning to look at you.

“Ah, I’ll feel bad turning him down.” You answered.

You pretended not to see Paul’s face break into a smile.

~~~

[live-the-fangirl-life]

It’s the Thought that Counts

Aelin Galathynius x Rowan Whitethorn - Birthday Oneshot

All Rowan wants to do is throw a surprise party for his girlfriend, but that becomes increasingly difficult as every possible thing that could go wrong—goes wrong.

I wrote this for my birthday on the fifth, but I couldn't wait until then to post it, Enjoy!

Masterlist | Read on Ao3

Warnings: Language, Light NSFW

4476 words

*******

“Are you serious?”

If Rowan’s hair wasn’t already silver, it would’ve been by the end of the day from all the stress this was putting him through.

Looking into the open cake box in Fenrys’ hands, he just stared at the inscription atop what was supposed to be a birthday cake for Aelin.

“What? What’s wrong?” Fenrys tried to lean over the lid of the box but it was tall enough to block his view.

“Did you even look at it before you left the store? Before you paid for it?” It took all of Rowan’s self-control not to scream. How many more things could go wrong today?

Fenrys shifted uneasily, noticing Rowan’s slipping control. “Uh, no. I was already running late, and you said to get back here as soon as possible to help finish setting up.”

All Rowan could do was let out a long, slow breath.

“This. Says. Alien.”

The blonde man holding the cake snorted, “what?”

“The cake says ‘Happy Birthday, Alien’”

“Seriously?” Fenrys was quick to put the box down on a nearby table so he could stand next to Rowan and look at it. “Shit. They even put little green Martians on it.”

All Rowan wanted to do was throw a surprise party for his girlfriend.

Was that really too much to ask? Apparently, so.

A couple of months ago Aelin had mentioned how she’d always wanted a surprise party, but of course, you cant ask for a surprise party because then it’s no longer a surprise.

Rowan took the hint and decided to plan something special for her birthday. He even got all their friends to help, and if everything had gone to plan then it would have been a perfect day.

Too bad he couldn’t catch a break.

Rowan had made a list of everything they needed to do, buy, and plan. It was an extensive list because he knew that a party for Aelin had to be perfect. Not because she had impossibly high standards—well, she did, but that wasn’t why it had to be perfect—it was because he loved her and wanted to show her how much he appreciated her on her birthday.

And he thought it would be the icing on the cake—pun intended—to have all their friends involved too. That’s why he was making calls to all of them about what they each needed to do for the party.

First, he got Lorcan and Elide to pick up the golden balloon arch that was going to be at the entrance of the park he’d reserved for the day. By the time he got on the phone with Lorcan, Rowan was already exasperated from having to deal with the city planning office in order to reserve the particular park and gazebo.

“Lorcan, I need you in charge of the—” Rowan broke off, hearing a loud crackling from the other end of the phone.

“You’re cutting off, wha— you say?” Lorcan’s voice was halting as the call cut in-and-out

“I was saying, I need you to cover the balloons.”

“Ba—”

“The balloon canopy.”

“The bo—, ca—”

“Yeah, we need a golden balloon canopy.”

“Okay, fine. I— got the— boun— ca—”

“Shit. Can you hear me?” Rowan pulled his phone away to check his service. It was fine from his end, it must be Lorcan’s phone being spotty.

When Rowan put the phone back to his ear, he could hear rustling and the sound of a car door opening and closing, and then the connection cleared.

“Yeah, man. I heard you. But, are you sure Aelin wants that?” Lorcan sounded skeptical.

“What? Yeah, of course, it’ll be great.” Rowan was already getting impatient, knowing he had a few more errands to run before he could relax.

“Whatever. She’s your girlfriend, and it’s your credit card.”

Rolling his eyes, Rowan muttered, “Thank you for your generous help, Lorcan.” then heard someone scolding Lorcan and grinned before saying loud enough for the other person to hear, “Thank you, Elide!”

Rowan hung up and mentally checked off the balloons. What was next?

***

“Aedion, please, I need you to keep Aelin busy for the day.”

Aedion and Lysandra had come over to Rowan and Aelin’s apartment for dinner, and Rowan had dragged Aedion into the kitchen to talk about that weekend’s plan.

Taking a sip of his beer, Aedion raised an eyebrow at him, “Won’t she wonder why her boyfriend is avoiding her on her birthday?”

Rowan rolled his eyes. “I won’t be avoiding her. You will very adamantly request to take your cousin to lunch for her birthday, and who am I to get in the way of family?”

Aedion snorted but nodded. “Yeah, okay. Lys and I can take her out.”

“No, Lys can’t be there.”

“What?” Aedion looked at him bewildered. “Why not?”

Rowan sighed. “Because if Lysandra is there with you, then Aelin will wonder why I’m not there with her. If it’s just you and Aelin, then she won’t think it’s weird that I’m gone. Besides,” Rowan took another sip of beer, “I’ll need Lys’ help during the day to set up that slideshow.”

“Right.”

The slideshow Rowan had asked Aedion and Lysandra to make using pictures of Aelin that would play during the party. The one that Aedion wasn’t going to tell Rowan hadn’t been started yet. “Yeah, okay. I’ll invite Aelin to come get lunch with me.”

“Perfect.”

One more thing off Rowan’s list.

***

The morning of the party Rowan asked Fenrys to go pick up Aelin’s cake. It was supposed to be a chocolate and hazelnut cake with the top decorated with kingsflame blossoms and say, “Happy Birthday Aelin.”

Rowan was distracted with setting up decorations and directing their friends to put away the things they brought. Dorian and Manon were in charge of getting the alcohol. Chaol and Yrene were bringing deserts because when it came to Aelin there could never be enough sweets. Fenrys helped Rowan bring out the rest of the food, before being sent off to pick up the cake.

Rowan did a quick scan, mentally checking off everyone. Besides the people he could see, he knew Lysandra was in the gazebo finishing up the slideshow, Aedion was out distracting Aelin, and Elide and Lorcan would be here any minute with the balloons.

Letting out a breath, Rowan smiled. Things seemed to be coming together.

Busy showing Dorian where the coolers for the drinks were, he was too distracted to do more than wave a ‘hello’ to Lorcan and Elide as Lorcan’s truck pulled up to the park. Rowan decided they were smart enough to figure out how to set up a balloon arch—or at least Elide could read the directions to a grumbling Lorcan, so Rowan spent the next half hour with other parts of the setup.

After he finished hanging up the screen they were going to use for the picture slideshow, Rowan went to check on the balloons.

He made it two steps out of the large gazebo and stopped in his tracks.

“What the fuck is this?” Rowan exclaimed, gaping at the large monstrosity in front of him.

Instead of looking at a beautiful, arched balloon canopy, he was looking at a massive, inflatable, child’s bouncy castle.

“What do you mean ‘what the fuck is this?’” Lorcan asked, wiping a bit of sweat from his forehead and stepping around the side of the castle. “This is what you asked for.”

“This is not what I asked for.” Rowan could feel his mouth still hanging open and quickly shut it.

Elide looked at Rowan in confusion. “Rowan, you did ask for this. I mean, I definitely thought it was weird that Aelin would want a blow-up bounce house for her birthday, but when Lor asked if you were sure, you insisted it was right.”

Rowan tried to remember that particular conversation. He had so many details in his head and too many people in charge of different things.

“Shit.” The phone call was coming back to Rowan to now. “We kept getting cut off. Shit,” He ran an exasperated hand through his hair making it all stand up on end. He swung around towards Lorcan who looked at him with raised brows. “What did you think I was asking you to get?”

Lorcan slowly looked between the bouncy house and Rowan. “You asked me to get a Bounce Castle.”

For fucks sake.

“I asked you to get a Balloon Canopy.”

Elide’s mouth opened in an ‘O’ and Lorcan said nothing until a moment later he was laughing, bent over at the waist.

“You wanted balloons, and now Galathynius has a bounce castle.” He managed between breaths, ignoring Rowan’s fuming look. It took Elide elbowing him in the side to get him to stop laughing.

“I don’t have time for this. Fix this.” Rowan waved his arms around at the massive blow-up castle, and then he turned around to find something he could actually focus on, trying his best to ignore the increasingly greying clouds in the sky.

“You still paying?” Lorcan called after him.

He let out a string of curses. “Yes.”

Rowan just barely heard the sound of air being let out of the castle as he walked away.

***

A shriek drew Rowan’s attention away from the chairs he was unfolding. He turned towards the gazebo to see Lysandra throw a small ice bucket, mostly filled with water at this point, at the screen Rowan had set up earlier.

The screen that was on fire.

Running in to help, Rowan saw that the candles placed around it had been lit—why the hell would someone already light them? The wind must’ve blown the screen too close causing it to catch fire.

He reached Lysandra just as she threw another bucket of icy water on the screen, dousing the rest of the flames.

“Are you okay?” He looked over Lysandra, but she just seemed shocked and irritated.

“I’m fine.” She gave him a reassuring nod before scowling at the destroyed screen. “This, though, is pretty much dead.” she sighed and closed her laptop she was using to work on the slideshow. “It doesn’t look like we’ll be showing pictures today, Rowan.”

He rubbed at his face. Fine. Okay. He could deal with this. They had a children’s bounce house and no slideshow. That was fine. As long as nothing else went wrong, he could deal with it.

As if in response to his thought, the day began to dim as clouds moved to cover the sun. If Rowan didn’t look at the heavy clouds, they would disappear.

That was when Fenrys came back with the cake.

***

“Alien?! I can’t give my girlfriend a birthday cake that’s calling her an Alien!”

Fenrys almost wanted to laugh at how ridiculous Rowan looked with his hair sticking up and face all red, but he knew this was just the latest in a list of ‘things gone wrong’ and was worried that if he laughed then he wouldn’t live to see the birthday girl.

“Maybe she’ll find it funny,” Fenrys suggested.

Rowan slowly turned toward him with an almost crazed look in his eye. “Funny? You think Aelin will find all this,” he waved his hands at the deflating bounce house, charred hanging screen, and the horribly incorrect cake, “Funny?”

“...Maybe?” Honestly, Fenrys thought Aelin would find it all hilarious but decided to keep his mouth shut. He knew how much work and energy Rowan put into this party, and he worried for his friend’s mental state as he counted all the things that had already gone wrong.

Rowan just dropped his head in his hands and groaned.

***

As soon as Rowan unpacked the last of the food, he heard a boom of thunder.

“This is not happening.” He muttered to himself, refusing to look at what was surely the worst thing that could happen that day.

A moment later he heard the unmistakable sound of hard, fast rain. The yelps from his friends broke him out of his haze and he turned to see everyone rush into the covered gazebo, careful to keep close to the center where they could stay dry.

Everyone besides Yrene, who had been helping Rowan with the food, were varying levels of soaked. And all the decorations they’d been holding were either stuck outside taking the worst of the rain or dragged inside to drip water onto the floor.

Rowan didn’t say anything, he just grabbed the beer bottle out of Aedion’s hand and took a long swig.

***

Looking around, Rowan surveyed the damage. Where a nice balloon canopy should’ve been positioned, a large, deflated, child’s bounce castle stood in its place; the screen he was going to use to show a slideshow of Aelin was burnt to a crisp; the rain pouring down was soaking the park and wrecking everything brought in from the cars, and the perfect cake for his girlfriend was ruined by calling her Alien.

But at least all their friends showed up.

That was the one good thing to come out of this disaster of a party. Even if they were all dripping wet and shivering from their walks from their cars to the covered gazebo in the middle of the park.

Dorian walked up to where Rowan and Aedion were talking about the cousin’s lunch. He took a sip of his drink and asked them, “So, what time is Aelin is getting here?”

Rowan and Aedion both turned towards each other.

“What time did you—”

“When did you say—”

They both froze.

Rowan slowly blinked. “Aedion, you did tell Aelin what time to come tonight, right?”

Aedion shook his head, wincing, “No, man. I was taking her out to lunch. You were supposed to find a reason to get her to the park.”

A dull roaring started in Rowan’s head. He thought over everything he had on his list.

Rent out gazebo: Check.

Delegate decorations: unsuccessful, but Check.

Order cake: again, unsuccessful, but Check.

Get friends to show up: Check.

Buy Aelin’s present: Check

Invite Aelin…

“Fuck. Shit. Fuck me. No, no, no, no, no… Gods damn it!”

Before anyone could another word, Rowan pulled his keys from his pocket and sprinted into the rain towards his car.

***

Aelin loved her birthday.

Usually.

She loved celebrating with her friends and laughing about the stupid gag gift they bought her. She loved making a wish on her candles and she even loved the awkward minute of listening to people sing happy birthday.

Last year, Rowan had woken her up to a particularly amazing round of birthday sex. Which turned into another round in the kitchen and then another one in the shower. He had also spent the day last year doing her favorite things and ending the night with a wonderful dinner at her favorite restaurant.

Which was why she had been so excited to see what this birthday would bring.

Her morning began exactly how she hoped: with Rowan’s tongue between her legs. He’d woken her up slowly, lazily, until she was squirming on the sheets with her hand fisted in his hair.

She’d hoped their morning tumble was the start of a very satisfying day, but soon afterward Rowan left saying he had to make a work call and she should get ready for her lunch with Aedion.

As much as she loved her cousin, all Aelin really wanted to do was stay inside with Rowan all day, clothing-optional. Actually, clothing-nonexistent.

But she did want to see Aedion, and apparently, Rowan’s work call was pressing enough that he practically ran out the door.

Lunch was nice. She hadn’t had one-on-one time with Aedion in a while, but she couldn’t help but notice how antsy he seemed.

“What aren’t you telling me?” She asked him after the waiter took their set down their drinks.

Her cousin choked on the sip he’d taken, and she raised an eyebrow at him.

“What?” He sputtered. “I’m not not telling you anything.”

“Uh huh.”

He rolled his eyes. “There’s nothing Ae, don’t sweat it.”

“It looks like you’re the one sweating Aedion.” Leaning back in her chair she smirked and crossed her arms. “Did you get me something you’re worried I won’t like?” she joked.

“Hm? Oh, yeah, exactly! Lysandra picked it out but I don’t know if you’ll like it.”

Aelin rolled her eyes at her cousin. “Please, if Lys picked out whatever it is, then I’m sure I’ll love it.” Her smirk turned into a genuine smile. “But, it’s from you so I know I’ll like it.”

He laughed but she thought he still looked a bit anxious. Deciding not to worry about whatever else had him fidgety, she let it go.

When she got back to her and Rowan’s apartment, she expected he would be there. He wasn’t.

Aelin didn’t think a work call would take the two hours she’d been out with Aedion, so she hoped Rowan would be back soon. She hadn’t talked about plans today because last year he had been so eager to take the lead.

So she waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Three hours later she was irate, hurt, and confused. How could he just up and disappear on her birthday? If he was busy—if something came up that he needed to deal with—he should’ve just told her. She still would be upset, but she’d have understood.

But he hadn’t said anything. He hadn’t called or texted. Rowan hadn’t given her any explanation as to why she was alone now on her birthday.

Aelin walked into the kitchen and was about to pour herself a glass of wine when she heard loud noises from the hall outside her apartment door. It sounded like heavy, stampeding footsteps.

And then Rowan was bursting into their apartment.

He was breathing heavily, soaking wet, and looking at her with such an apologetic expression that she momentarily forgot why she was angry.

“Aelin,” he panted, trying to get a breath, “I am so sorry.”

Right. That was why she was angry.

She crossed her arms over her chest and took in his disheveled appearance, trying desperately to understand why he was so out of sorts.

“What happened to you?”

Rowan loosed a long, heavy breath and stepped closer to her. “Aelin, gods, I’m an idiot.”

“Yes, you are.” She agreed. “But, explain to me why.”

Rowan took another step towards her and she let him.

“I had a whole thing planned— I still do, kind of, but it’s basically ruined at this point—” Rowan started talking faster and Aelin struggled to keep up. “I planned an amazing surprise party for you, I spent weeks getting things organized. I had all our friends come out to help, they’re all still out at the park—I rented out the park—they’d better all still be there, anyway.”

He took a breath and Aelin’s anger slowly started to fade, but then she remembered sitting alone in her apartment for three hours and stared at him until he continued his explanation.

“There were supposed to be balloons, golden ones! And photos of you, and a cake, but all of it got ruined.” Rowan ran an angry hand through his hair. “Lorcan thought I asked him for a bounce castle— a bounce castle! Then the screen caught on fire, and then there was a mess up with the cake that you don’t even want to know about.”

He finally looked back at her, pleadingly, hoping she could understand how sorry he was. “But the worst part, which was one-hundred-percent my fault, was that I forgot to invite you to your own party.”

Aelin was wide-eyed by the end of his speech. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out.

Rowan grabbed her hand and looked down at her with sorry eyes. “Please, forgive me.”

“Forgive you?”

His face crumpled and he leaned to press it into her shoulder. She heard him grumble, “Fuck. I ruined your birthday, I’m so sorry.”

Aelin pulled away to hold his face between her hands. She waited until his eyes opened to say, “Rowan, you planned that whole thing? For me?”

His brow furrowed as if he couldn’t understand why she would ask that. “Of course, I did. I know how much you wanted a surprise party, but—”

“But nothing.” She cut him off pressing her mouth firmly against his. Rowan was too surprised at her reaction to reciprocate, but she pulled back just as fast.

“Okay, yes, not inviting me to my own party was a bad move,” He winced. “But, everything else you did was amazing.” When he still looked skeptically at her she continued, “the rest of that stuff; the weather, the cake, the fire, Lorcan’s bad judgment—none of that was your fault.”

Rowan finally cracked a smile at the last bit.

“So,” he searched her face for any clues, “you’re not upset?”

Aelin laughed at pulled Rowan down for another kiss. This time, he eagerly returned it and wrapped one arm around her waist and the other moved so his hand could hold the back of her head. They stood wrapped up in each other for a minute, deepening the kiss before they both pulled back for air.

“I’m not mad. I was, before when I thought you’d ditched me on my birthday. But I’m not anymore now that I know you spent the day trying to make me happy."

Aelin pulled back further to give him a stern look. “But I will be angry if you don’t bring me to this party right now.”

He pulled her back into him and let out a relieved laugh.

“Let’s get the birthday girl to her party.”

***

The drive from their apartment to the park was filled with Rowan telling Aelin about everything that had gone wrong. His fingers intertwined with her over the middle console and she listened as he told her about the crazy day.

“Why someone would light the candles so early in the day is beyond me.” He grumbled and Aelin chuckled at the bitterness in his tone.

“I’m sure the slideshow would’ve been great.” She perked up. “Oh my gods, that was why Aedion was so weird at lunch.”

Rowan glanced side longed at her. “He was weird?”

“Yeah, real fidgety, wouldn’t always look me in the eye. He said it was because he was worried I wouldn’t like my present, but I knew that was a load of bullshit.” She laughed, remembering how relived his face had been when she offered that excuse.

Rowan rolled his eyes but watched as the sky began to clear.

“Good, the rains finally stopping. I told the others to finish putting up decorations if the weather cleared.”

“There’s more?” Aelin questioned, thinking of everything he’d already told her about.

“A bit. I gave Fen a list of stuff to buy, but knowing him, he picked up some things that I didn’t tell him to. So, who knows what we’ll see when we get there.” He groaned thinking about it, but Aelin just laughed.

“It’s a couple of decorations, Ro. I’m sure they’ve got it handled.”

When they finally pulled into the parking lot nearest the gazebo, Aelin and Rowan didn’t get out of the cart immediately. They watched the scene in front of them in bewilderment

Lorcan was throwing a rope over a tree branch—Aelin assumed it was because he was the tallest—tying one end to the trunk and the other end was attached to a large pinata.

“Is that…?” She was so confused about what was happening.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Fen?” Rowan seethed.

“Fen did that? Why would Fenrys buy an Alien pinata?” Aelin suddenly had more questions than answers.

Rowan rubbed his hands down his face, muffling his curses.

“Don’t ask.”

Aelin watched as Aedion picked up the stick and took a couple of practice swings.

“What? They’re gonna start without us?” Aelin pulled Rowan’s hand off his face and made him look at her. “Hey. I know this didn’t go like you’d planned, but it's still pretty great, and everyone is here and having a good time. And there’s cake, right?”

“There’s cake.”

Rowan refrained from reminding her that all the guests had trekked in and out of the rain that afternoon setting up and half the supplies were ruined or nonexistent. Apparently, she could see all that in his face though so Aelin leaned over and kissed him.

“Let’s go, come on.”

At some point during their conversation, Lysandra had found the blindfold and tied it around Aedion’s head. The rest of the group, minus Manon and Dorian who had snuck off somewhere she didn’t want to think about too much, stood around as Fenrys cheered and Aedion swung.

He missed the first time, but as he prepped himself to swing again, Aelin and Rowan climbed out of the car and walked toward the group.

“Aelin!” Fenrys called, eyes going wide as he called her name.

Everyone else whipped around to face her and Rowan and yell “Surprise!”

Unfortunately, Aedion still had a stick in his hands; and he quickly turned, it nailed Fenrys in the head.

Rowan stood there gaping as Fenrys let out a loud sound between a yelp and a groan, before falling to the ground, knocked out.

“Shit! Who’d I hit?” Aedion asked as he ripped off the blindfold, and tuned to see what—or, who—exactly he had swung at.

Mostly in shock, a little bit in amusement, everyone watched as Fenrys slowly groaned, lifted his head only to wince and bring his hand up to hold it, and opened his eyes.

“…Surprise”

***

“You know, this may be my most memorable birthday.” Aelin was perched on Rowan’s lap, eating a piece of the outer space-themed cake.

Her boyfriend groaned and pressed his face into her shoulder.

“I’ll take it. Memorable is better than disastrous.”

She threw her head back and laughed.

After Fenrys woke up, Yrene came over to check on him and make sure he was going to be alright. She didn’t think he had a concussion, but she put Aedion in charge of watching him. His punishment, apparently. They were currently at another table with Lysandra, Lorcan, and Elide.

Aelin looked over to the other end of the gazebo and watched as Chaol and Yrene sat with Dorian and Manon, the latter was trying her best to pretend she was interested in the conversation. By the heated looks she and Dorian were giving each other, Aelin didn’t think those two would be sticking around too long.

Turning back to Rowan, Aelin smiled.

“Thank you, Buzzard. I love it.” She grinned as he rolled his eyes, but he tightened his grip on her and pulled her face down to his.

“Happy Birthday, Fireheart.”

*****

Taglist:

@acourtofsnakes @allthebooksunderthemoon @astra-ad-mare @becarefuloflove @bisexual-genderfluid-loki @booklover41802 @charlizeed @cookiemonsterwholovesbooks @danibutterr @doubt-less @emily-gsh @enormousbooklover @foughtconquered @fromthelibraryofemilyj @hakunamatatazz @i-have-but-one-brain-cell @in-love-with-caramel-macchiato @jorjy-jo @lemonade-coolattas @mariamuses @mayhemories @midsizewitch @miserablesmusings @morganofthewildfire @nehemikkele @rowaelinismyotp @rowansfirebringer @sayosdreams @sheharahu @sleeping-and-books @stardelia @story-scribbler @superspiritfestival @surielandiareendgame @swankii-art-teacher @tomtenadia @westofmoon @whimsicallyreading @ladygabrielli1997

[extremelyblackandwhite]

madam carter baizen president, what about carter with the song traitor by olivia rodrigo?

pairing : carter baizen x reader

warnings : angst, carter is an asshole (sadly), reader is nate’s twin sister

inspired by traitor

you betrayed me and i know that you'll never feel sorry for the way I hurt. you'd talk to her when we were together. loved you at your worst but that didn't matter, it took you two weeks to go off and date her. guess you didn't cheat but you're still a traitor

She stood in the middle of the high end designer shop, thousands of girls from Constance moving up and down, picking and fighting for different dresses for one of the biggest events before graduation - Cotillion. As a carrier of the Archibald family name, the twin sister of Nate Archibald, Y/N’s RSVP was sent in her behalf before she even understood what it actually was. She didn’t mind doing it, she didn’t mind keeping up the traditions that her family was so overprotective yet she couldn’t say she particularly enjoyed them. She had to be truthful to herself and admit that she did not enjoy the idea of being presented to society as merely a stereotype of what her social status expected her to become. Maybe that was the dream for some girls, but it definitely wasn’t hers. Nevertheless, she had convinced herself to go, after all Rory Gilmore had gone and she had had a blast so why shouldn’t Y/N give it a go? Besides, if she even thought about not going, she was sure her mother would come from the wood work with her dramatic reasons as to why going to Cotillion was important, when it reality there was only one reason why it mattered - reputation. 

      - So, which one is yours? - her brother joked, looking away from where Blair was trying on her own dress. Y/N rolled her eyes, raising her hand where a black hanger was with her dress. - White? You’re trying to present yourself as virginal?

       - One of us has to. - she bite back. - Besides, Rory wore white and I wanna wear white. 

       - You shouldn’t model your life after a sitcom, Y/N. It’s not gonna be nearly as fun as they portray it. 

       - I can always trip you while you’re dancing. That’ll be fun, huh? 

       - What’ll be fun will be seeing Carter Baizen escort you when mum and dad don’t even know you’re sneaking around with him. 

       - I’m not sneaking around and I told you I’m going alone. - she wasn’t lying. She’d become acquainted with Carter a few years ago and the two had become close friends, both sharing an ambition of travelling around the world, hiking high mountains and looking at the clearest seas but that’s where it ended. At least to him. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t have at least some sort of romantic interest in him. How could she not? He was a handsome man with the same ideals as her, who’d often flirt but she’d convinced herself it was just who he was. Yet, her hopes were always very high at whatever they had. He didn’t look at anyone else like he looked at her, he didn’t hug anyone else like he hugged her and after he left New York, she was the one who he’d still write to yet it never progressed to anything else. She’d rather have him as whatever they were so she could keep him. Of course, Nate was of a different opinion and believed the two were dating, just without the label. - Not everyone can take a Waldorf to Cotillion.

     - You’re not going alone, Y/N. C’mon, we know so many people, so many guys who’d die to take you to Cotillion.

     - It’s really not a big deal. 

     - You should just ask him. - Nate told her, before being dragged away by one of the tailors to fix his suit. She had to admit, she was rather keen on seeing her brother in a fitted grey suit. 

After deciding there was no point in keeping in that store, hoping to find something else, she stepped outside, dress bag over her shoulder. It was a pretty dress and after all, who does not enjoy to be in a pretty dress and get free food and drink? She continued to walk down the street, mindlessly going through a checklist in her head of things she had to get sorted before Cotillion tonight. As her mind checked out invisible tasks, she spotted Carter just a bit down the street. A smile playfully etched on her cherry stained lips as she walked down to meet him. 

     - Hello stranger. 

     - Oh, hi princess. - his eyes moved from whatever he had been looking at to look at her, yet something was off. - What you got there? Body bag?

     - Cotillion dress. Not as exciting. - his attention was scattered, eyes looking left and right as if he was looking out for something. - Are you ok, Carter?

     - ‘Course I am. - he wrapped an arm around her shoulder, turning her the opposite way. - Excited for Cotillion?

     -  They always have great stuffed mushrooms and I do intend to have at least a whole tray just for myself. 

     - Who’s the poor bastard who’s taking you? Vanderbilt?

     - He’s my cousin, Carter. Besides, I told you I am going by myself. 

     - And your mother allowed that?

     - She doesn’t need to know.

     - Sneaky. - he chuckled, stopping as her flat came into view. 

     - I wouldn’t have to be sneaky if you escorted me, Baizen. - she meant for it to sound as a joke, but as those words escaped her lips, she realised how oddly passive aggressive they sounded. 

     - You know it’s not my thing.

     - I know. - she sighed. - I’m just being silly.

     - I’ll take you for brunch tomorrow. We’ll discuss all the gossip that went on. You know the rules, the one with the best piece of gossip wins and the other one pays.

     - You better bring your wallet, Baizen. - she opened the door of her building, bidding her goodbyes before quickly climbing up the stairs to get ready.

Sure, part of her wished he would escort her and be her date but he despised the idea of Cotillion more than she did and she wouldn’t want him to be uncomfortable the whole night. Besides, if she went alone, she probably would get to change her own introduction speech and make a splash for the family. No publicity is bad publicity, after all. As the sun set down, she was being rushed into the car by her mother, hair set with pearl strings all around which matched the ones that hanged from her earrings. She felt pretty, she had to admit. However, as she stepped into the limo where Blair and Nate was, she couldn’t help but imagine how things would’ve been if Carter had taken her. He would’ve brought her favourite lilies as a corsage, just as when he came back from Florence on her birthday and surprised her with a whole bouquet of white lilies and roses. He’d probably have his tie a bit too loose, as he always did whenever he was inevitably forced to wear one. They would dance the whole night to classical pieces. Yet, all these past tenses were merely ghosts in her brain and as they pulled in front of the building hosting Cotillion, she realised she was alone. He wasn’t here, he didn’t make it a priority to escorting her. But it was okay, she’d never want him to do something which would make him uncomfortable. 

As per usual, they were fashionably late as Blair put it and were rushed to the big staircase. She’d seen it before with her cousins own cotillion ceremonies - two big staircases facing each other, one had all the girls and the other the boys. Normally, she’d be looking at whoever was escorting her but since she was about to be escorted by her own self, she merely looked at her own white shoes, contrasting with the gold gown Serena, who was in front of her, was wearing. As long as she didn’t trip or fall down the stairs, it would be fine. 

     - Escorting Serena van der Woodsen is Carter Baizen. - her eyes looked up as she wondered if her own tired brain was playing jokes on her. But it wasn’t.

They were there. He was here, in the centre, by Serena’s side, escorting her. The sound of the room all went quiet and all she could hear was the buzzing in her ears and her heart drop to her stomach. There were no thoughts in her brain and she didn’t seem to even acknowledge what was happening around her, all she felt was an overwhelming pain and her chest tightening.

    - Next is Y/N Archibald, daughter of Howard and Anne Archibald, escorted by ... - she went down the stairs, standing in the centre by her self as she felt the whole world staring at her. 

    - Me. - she looked to her left to see Chuck Bass run down the stairs to stand by her side. - Sorry, I’m late.

    - Thank you. - she mouthed to Chuck as they went down the stairs. 

    - He’s an ass. - Chuck said as they reached the floor. Immediately, Nate and Blair came over to her side. - I’ll stick around for when we have to dance.

    - Thank you, Chuck.   

    - I thought you said he didn’t like these things. - Nate was mad, everyone with a pair of eyes could see it. 

    - Not now.

    - Yes, now, Y/N. He humiliated you.

    - He didn’t ... he’s just a traitor.    

[hyperfixatingmenever]

Good 4 You | Part 2/7 | 3.6 K | Teen

Title: Good 4 You

Fandom: Narcos 

Pairing: Javier Pena / Reader

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 3.6 K

Warning: Alluding to a mild panic attack and some sexual harassment. 

A/N:  This was supposed to be uploaded yesterday, but school sucks and my computer crashed. In the future I'm hoping to update AT LEAST once a month, but who knows, school and my ADHD might not allow that. So pls be patient! I love you all! And pls message me if you want to be tagged in future updates!!!

Good 4 you by Olivia Rodrigo 

Masterlist | Chapter 1 - Chapter 3 | Ao3

The following week you felt like a ghost, just passing from room to room. Barely listening to anything happening around you. You floated from bed to your desk at work and back to bed. You did paperwork on autopilot.

If you had cared more, you would have noticed the girls whispering about you, worried about the bags under your eyes and your lifeless face.

"Is she okay? Is she sick? Did something happen back home? Maybe she's just homesick?"

But you didn't care about anything anymore. You barely ate, and with your brain completely covered in fog, the best you could do was shower and get dressed for work. Most days, hunger just never came to mind. You would spend your lunch break at your desk working, only on occasion swiping the last stale doughnut, before heading back to your desk.

You spent every night of the week wrapped up in your bed. The first couple of nights, you just cried inconsolably, but after that, you just felt numb. You would lay in bed each night staring at the ceiling, trying not to think about him. Trying to forget the way his arms felt wrapped around you, to ignore the lingering smell of his cigarettes that still somehow hung in the air and the smell of his cologne that had seeped into the pillow beside you.

You didn't have anyone to call that would come over and let you wallow in your pity or console you. Sure, you were close to the girls at work, but not close enough for this. And the only people who knew about you and Javi were Steve and Connie.

While you were with Javi, you and Connie grew incredibly close. Hanging out while the guys were on a sting, cooking together for the four of you, and babysitting Olivia. It didn't hurt that they lived just across from you, but now, something didn't feel right about calling Connie. They were more Javi’s family than your friends. Which only made you more sad, realizing you lost them. You had no one in Columbia, no real friends, all your family was back in the US. You had only been here 3 months before Javi became your entire world.

The weekend had finally arrived, and you were so exhausted from your sleepless nights previously you slept well into Saturday afternoon. The first weekend alone hurt, but without the distraction of work, you felt like you could take the first steps to being okay. You knew you couldn't just magic everything back to normal, but as your dad said, 'fake it till you make it.’ The plan was simply to act like everything was back to normal, until it was.

Part of you, though, couldn't even remember 'normal' in Columbia before Javi. Those three months felt years away, small flashes of a life pale in colour without Javi.

With a plan devised now, you just had to put it into action. Sure the pain and loss was still there Monday morning, but you tried not to focus on it as you smiled and greeted everyone while walking into work.

-----

The week went by painfully slow, and this 'faking it' was becoming more exhausting than you first expected, but you trudged along, hoping no one noticed.

As you made your way to the small coffee station, you noticed three girls already crowded around ‘making coffee.’ You politely said 'excuse me,' and they parted, making room for you, without missing a beat in their conversation.

"We could just all go to my cousin Julio's club? He'll get us in for free."

"What about that new club that just opened up?"

"Ooo, I heard that place is hot! We could definitely go there! I'm sure we can get some free drinks!" Wiggling her eyebrows

You moved from in-between to beside them, now filling your coffee with sugar. Mindlessly listening to their conversation, you try to think back to the last time you went to a club? As you wrack your brain, one of the three girls you recognize as Amy said your name, pulling you out of your thoughts.

"You should come! It will be tons of fun!"

Wavering, unsure if you were ready for a club, you try to let her down gently. "Uh, I'm not sure? I haven't been in a real party mood lately."

"Nonsense! What could be more fun than getting dressed up and trying to get free drinks with us! We'll make sure you have a great time!

Before you can reply through one of the other two girls jumps in first.

"Talking about getting dressed up! Did you hear about Agent Peña's new girl? I saw her yesterday, and she's drop-dead gorgeous! She was wearing a tight black dress, and her legs never seemed to end! She dropped by with lunch, and they practically fucked on his desk before she left!"

Your heart dropped. Your vision un-focused. Their voices and giggles felt suddenly muffled, like you were underwater. Yesterday? She was here yesterday? Your brain went blank, unable to comprehend. Less than two weeks. Less than two weeks for him to forget about you and move on. All the tender touches and sweet words in his mother tongue meant nothing.

Your eyes trained ahead but still unfocused. You pick up your coffee and head back to your desk. As you walk, your vision somehow gets even more blurry and only once you register the cool stream of tears rolling down your face, you realize you’re crying. With the sleeve of your blouse, you try to wipe the tears away. After setting your coffee down on your desk, you quickly make your way over to the bathroom to cry in peace.

This cry was different then the others you had had in the past two weeks. This wasn't loud, you weren't angry, you didn't gasp for air in-between sobs. You sat on the toilet seat, hiding in a stall, with the heels of your hands dug into your eyes, as your tears silently rolled down your face and forearms, dampening your blouse.

After some time, the tears started to slow, and you exited the stall. Looking up, you see your bloodshot eyes staring back at you. Splashing some cold water on your face and neck, you make your way to your manager’s office.

Any other circumstance, they probably would have docked you a half day’s pay, but your manager was an understanding older woman who had a soft spot for you.

"Don't worry, cariño, anyone trying to make a big deal out of this has to go through me." Giving you a coy wink. "And if any man wants specifics, I'll just say it's your monthly's, that'll shut them right up!" You both give a giggle, yours a little more forced. She reaches across her desk and squeezes your hand. "Go home, cariño. Take care of yourself."

You give her a forced smile and head back to your desk to grab your things. As you quickly grab your purse and jacket, you see a pink sticky note in the middle of your desk.

Atmósfera. 11. I promise you'll have fun.

-Amy ❤

Without giving much thought, you shove the note and your ID badge into your purse and head to your car.

Though your red, tired eyes begged to go home, your stomach had other plans. Heading to the local market, you parked your car and set on your way after quickly rummaging through your purse and glove compartment for sunglasses.

After about thirty minutes of wandering and listening to the whims of your stomach, you now had two large paper bags full of wine and comfort food in your arms.

The drive home was peaceful as your brain finally fell still as you quietly listened to the music on the radio.

Soy el fuego que arde tu piel

Making your way to your apartment, you quietly hummed the last song that had wormed its way into your brain from the radio. As you look down, trying to find your keys in your purse, you see Connie locking her door. In that split second you try to decide if you should say hi or awkwardly try to sneak by. Though before you could think it through, your mouth was open, and the words were falling out.

"Oh. Ah. Hi Connie."

Her eyes quickly move from her door lock to you, but as she realizes the welcoming came from you, her shoulders relax.

"Oh, hi hun."

You took the final few steps to your door, now standing directly across from one another. A moment of unsure silence between you two as neither of you looked at each other was finally ended by Connie.

"We haven't seen you since…."

Before Javi and I broke up.

Looking at each other now, she quickly realizes her error and changes the subject.

"Olivia misses you."

Happy someone does.

A small smile tugs on your face.

"I miss her too."

Connie opens her mouth, but the words seem to get lost, as nothing comes out. After several seconds of neither of you knowing what to say, Connie is once again the one to break the silence.

"You should come over sometime. We can cook supper and hang out like old times. Just us girls. Steve an-" she stops, and you can see on her face, she is internally censoring herself for you.

"You can say his name. It’s okay. Really."

Connie takes a deep breath and continues,

"Steve and Javier are busy, like even more than usual. Steve has barely come home in the past couple of weeks, beyond just quickly changing or grabbing a quick nap. So you are more than welcome to come over and hang out."

A large part of you wanted to accept Connie's offer and fall back into the friendly familiarity you once had. But even the few moments of uncomfortable silence between you two was enough to convince you that your once effortless friendship was no more.

Nonchalantly Connie looks down at her purse, trying to put her keys away and continues, "-and compared to Steve, I see Javi even less. I thought I'd see hell freeze over before I ever heard Javier Peña was in therapy."

Connie's eyes shoot up and meet yours immediately realizing, and regretting what she shared.

Your mouth fell open. You literally begged Javi to talk to someone, but instead, he spit venom in your face at the near idea and left you. Alone. But this girl, this new girl with the never-ending legs. She was enough to convince him. You thought the past few weeks were hard on your heart, but that was nothing compared to this.

Your knees start to give, you drop the bags of food to catch yourself on the door frame and lean against your door. You feel yourself start to almost zone out, but your attention is quickly moved from your spirling thoughts to Connie standing right in front of you, looking you dead in the eyes, frantically holding your forearms.

“Hun, you can’t tell anyone. I’m not even supposed to know! Steve told me while he was half asleep a couple days ago, I doubt he even remembers! If Javi ever finds out, he’ll know it was Steve! And I can’t afford those two not having each other’s backs! ...I need Steve to come home.”

After her sudden declarence, Connie is the one looking at the floor now, and even though you can’t see her eyes, you know she’s holding back tears. Anyone who knew Connie knew she didn’t love Columbia or the dangerous work Steve threw himself in every day, but more than anything, she was strong, stubborn and caring, and good god did she love Steve. (I mean, the woman moved her entire life over 1500 miles. If that’s not love, you don’t know what is.)

“I need him to come home.”

Instinctively you pull Connie in and hug her. You rub circles on her back, and start to feel your shoulder dampen from Connie's silent cries.

Speaking only loud enough for Connie, you calmly say, “I won’t tell a soul. I’d never want to hurt your family,” and you meant that.

Eventually, the two of you let go of one another, and Connie quickly tries to wipe the wet streaks running down her face with her sleeve.

"Gawd, look at me, such a mess!" She says with an obvious fake chuckle.

Before you can even reply with reassurance, she quickly cuts you off and says, "I've got to go pick up Olivia from daycare. But I'll see you around!"

She very quickly ends the conversation and gives a quick wave before walking away. You stand alone in the hallway for a few moments, trying to comprehend everything that just transpired in the now quiet hallway. Eventually heading into your apartment, your head still dizzy with thoughts, trying to understand everything Connie accidentally divulged.

-----

A few hours and more than half a bottle of wine later, your thoughts still crept back to Javi. You were sure he wasn’t spending his Friday night alone on the couch sulking. Why does it seem that only you got hurt in this breakup?

Slowly your thoughts started to spiral, your body started to tense, feeling each beat of your heart in your ears and fingertips. You stood up, trying to release some of the electric potential energy that seemed to be building in your body. Quickly you look around your apartment for a cigarette. You had not smoked in quite a while, but suddenly a cigarette was the only thing your mind could think of. Your eyes bounced between every flat surface of your apartment, unable to find a pack, but finally landing on your discarded purse on the kitchen table, you realize it’s your best bet.

As you haphazardly dig through the depths of your purse, you can't seem to find them. With your anxiousness only growing, you decide to dump out your purse on the kitchen table. As the contents spread across the table, your eyes immediately find the nearly empty pack, and you snatch it up quickly. You can feel your hands starting to shake as you light the cigarette in your mouth. After a few puffs and a few deep inhales, you felt your entire body become more calm.

As you stopped shaking, you looked down at your now cluttered kitchen table. Most of it was coins, receipts, odds and ends, but as your eyes lazily scanned the items, you noticed the pink note Amy left on your desk. Holding it in your hand, your eyes moved from the note to the clock, 10:15.

Taking another drag from your cigarette, you come to fully understand that your apartment. Alone. On a Friday night. Is the last place you want to be right now. With your inhibition lowered from the wine you decide you need out of this apartment.

-----

You arrived at the club a little after 11. The place was full but didn't feel cramped. As you scanned the faces looking for anyone familiar, you noticed Amy and some of the girls doing shots at the bar. Making your way through the crowd, you hear your name screamed over the thumping music at a high pitch, followed by what you could only describe as a shriek.

“You came!” Amy threw her arms around you. You could smell hints of her delicate perfume even though it was mostly overpowered by the smell of tequila.

“I can’t believe you’re here!” Pulling away, she looks you up and down. “Holy fuck, you look hot!”

You blushed slightly even though you were sure it was the tequila talking. “Thanks.”

Amy started to drag you back towards the bar, “Come on! You’ve got to catch up!”

Before you could even comprehend, there was a shot of tequila in your hand. You were about to protest, but you could see the look in Amy’s eyes, and she wasn't going to let you off that easily. Deciding this was your night, and you deserved to have fun, you down the shot and yelled to the bartender for another round.

You didn't know how many shots you had had, but you knew the bartender liked you, and you hadn't had to pay for a single one yet. Dancing in the middle of the club, you could feel everything. Your body tingled, everything felt incredible, you swear the beat of the music matched your heart, you could feel yourself finally letting go. You closed your eyes and continued to feel yourself and the music, feeling incredibly light. Swaying your hips, you feel a strong hand travel from your hip to your stomach, swiftly pressing you against their body, keeping in sync as you continue to sway. Your brain seemed to recognize the touch even in your tipsy state.

Javi.

Missing his touch, you start to grind up against him as you continued to sway, you could feel his hot breath on your neck, which turned into wet kisses, your hands reach up and behind you to tangle your fingers in his curls, as you do, you hear, “No pares princesa.”

Your eyes fly open, and you quickly turn around to someone that isn’t Javi.

You feel yourself become completely sober as you push off against this man who held no real familiarity with Javier. Turning away to try and find your friends, you suddenly feel your hand snatched and are pulled back into his chest.

“No te vayas. Acabamos de empezar a divertirnos.”

You couldn't speak. All you could do was shake your head.

“Vamos no seas asi.”

Using all of your force, you push yourself away from him. “No! Get off of me!”

His demeanour changes, and his lip curls as he walks away. “Perra!”

Still, in slight shock, your eyes dart around in search of Amy. You wander around a little, taking a couple steps before changing directions and looking somewhere else. But on some cosmic level of irony, your eyes land on Javier, the real Javier.

You swear the whole room goes quiet except for the loud heartbeat in your ears, and everything slows around you. You see him sitting at a large booth with some girl, with long legs, on his lap. He whispers something in her ear, she throws back her head with laughter, and you can see his hand trail higher and higher up her thigh. You feel like your going to throw up.

Feeling a hand on your shoulder, worried it was the guy from before you quickly turn around, to only be met with Amy’s kind and worried eyes.

“Are you okay?” You shake your head.

Amy instantly pulls you towards the exit and away from the noise. “What happened?”

“This guy just grabbed me and wouldn't let me go.”

“Fuck! You’re okay, though, right? He didn't hurt you?” Amy immediately grabs you and starts looking for bruises and such.

“No, No, I’m okay. I think I'm just done for the night.” Your head hangs.

“Okay. If you're sure. Do you want me to go with you?” You could see the concern in Amy’s eyes, but you could also tell she didn't want to push.

“No, it's okay. I’ll just grab a cab. Don’t worry about me, go have fun!” You try to give a convincing smile, but deep down, you could feel your heart and your composure starting to crumble. You wave down a cab and give her a big hug. “Thank you for inviting me, really. I had a good time.”

You see the cab pull up and quickly hop in, giving her one last wave goodbye, which she morosely returns.

After a quiet cab ride home, you're relieved to see your apartment building. Making your way inside, you lean against your door and close your eyes. Thinking about how much fun you were having, and it was all spoiled, by Javier. You don't think you realized just how much you missed Javier then when your alcohol-riddled brain thought some random stranger was Javier. Every single one of your scenes was willing to disregard him, and Imagine it was Javier. Even thinking back, you know the stranger's hands were smaller, his chest wasn't as broad, his hair wasn't as thick, but his voice. His voice is what broke you out of the illusion that it was Javier and that Javier wanted you back.

Like a tape recorder, your brain compared the stranger's voice to Javi’s, over and over again. “No pares princesa.” “No pares princesa.” “No pares princesa.” “No pares princesa.” “No pares princesa.” “No pares pri-.”

“No puedo esperar a llevarte de vuelta a mi habitación, Mami”

Your eyes open when the voice in your head suddenly matches the one in the hallway. Quickly looking through the peephole, you see Javier bumping into the hallway walls as he carries the girl from the club, whose legs are wrapped around his waist, back to his apartment. Even in the peephole, you can see her fingers gripping his hair and pulling back, making him moan. They start to leave your line of sight but not before you see their tongues tangled together.

You stand there for a few seconds, your forehead resting against the door. You’re not even sure if it truly happened. Eventually, though, the feelings sink in.

Feeling completely broken and defeated, you drag yourself to the bathroom, strip out of your clothes and turn on the shower. Slowly you get in, sit down in the nearly scalding water and let the heat engulf you. Hoping the water can wash away the memories and tears of tonight.

Tags: @louderrthanthunderr @mishasminion360 @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @almaeunice @athalien @kirsteng42 @bxxbxy

[13uswntimagines]

Your Ass Is Out of This World (Kelley x Reader)

Request: alex or kelley or sonnett x reader where they've been dating for a few years R is an astronaut for NASA and she gets to go to space

Author’s Note: Special thanks to @literaryhedgehog​ cause without her, none of this would have happened. 

Kelley wasn’t quite sure how she had ended up standing next to a dive bar sipping a lukewarm beer on a Friday night. In her defense, Ali and Ashlyn had convinced her it would be fun and had promised to pay for the Uber rides both ways. It had been fun for a while, dancing with them to some old 70s songs on the light-up dance floor, but half an hour ago they had disappeared off into a hallway somewhere, and she had no intention of third-wheeling (she knew she should have convinced Alex to join them). But she also wasn’t going to leave without them, because she wasn’t convinced either of them were sober enough to take any kind of transportation safely (someone needed to be there to make sure they didn’t puke in someone’s car).

So here she was, standing by the bar waiting for her friends’ sexcapades to be over, nursing her drink. The clink of a glass settling in front of her caught her attention. She blinked at the bartender. “I didn’t order another one,” 

The man’s lips ticked up and he shrugged. “Lady on the end paid for it. Said you looked sad,” 

Kelley looked up, following the man’s eyes towards a woman standing a few seats down the bar from her. She was also standing alone but was dressed as though for a different event altogether. Kelley had embraced the 70s theme of the bar slightly, wearing a jumpsuit and a scarf around her head, but this woman had just thrown a white NASA shirt--like the one Kelley got for her little cousin at Target-- over a pair of black jeans. As she bobbed her head to the music she met Kelley’s eyes and smiled. 

Kelley took that as her invitation to approach. Kelley’s eyes traced her form, lingering on the white material. She didn’t know those came in adult sizes...

“You must be a star, I can't stop orbiting around you” Kelley smiled charmingly as she approached you, setting her beer on the bar beside you and settling in the seat to the left of yours. 

“I do believe I was the one to buy you the drink…” you said, your lips twitching as you tried to keep a serious expression. “Shouldn’t I be the one throwing pickup lines here?”

“You bought me the drink, so I get to be the one to woo you. I’m Kelley, are you from Mars? 'cuz I wanna explore you with curiosity.” Kelley said, wiggling her eyebrows at you, enjoying the light blush coloring your cheeks. 

“Oh my god,” you groaned, “that was terrible. I mean really good but absolutely awful.”

“At least I got you to smile, but you still haven’t told me your name.” Kelley laughed, taking a sip of her beer. She was prepared to lay on the horrible pick up lines for your entertainment. 

“I’m Y/n,” you said, putting down your drink and holding out your hand, “pleasure.”

“They call me the milky way...Pleasure You Can't Measure,” Kelley smiled, shaking your hand as you laughed and pulling you a little closer “Why look at the moon, if I can’t touch it? Why look at your lips, if I can't kiss them,” she said, winking so you knew she was completely joking. 

“How do you know so many of these?” You said, shaking your head in awe. “ All I know off the top of my head is ‘do you work for NASA? Because you’re out of this world!’”

“Ah, a magician never reveals her secrets,” Kelley whispered conspiratoryly, bringing her hand up to cover her lips. “but my team and I have definitely had flirt offs for bonding nights,” 

“Your team?” 

“Yeah, I play soccer for the US and Washington,” She shrugged as if it wasn’t a huge accomplishment. 

Your eyes widened and you nearly spat out your drink. “Didn’t they, like, just win a World Cup?” 

“Yeah, No biggie,” Kelley said, side-eyeing you as she took another sip. 

“No biggie?  I’m surprised you don’t have a swarm of paparazzi shadowing you, that’s incredible! Weren’t the USWNT like the most successful US team in soccer?’

“Hm, there’s not enough drama for them, but we don’t mind. How about you? What do you do beautiful?” Kelley hummed. 

“Oh. I work for NASA,” you said, gesturing at the shirt. “I can’t wait to bring some of those lines back to work.”

“What??” 

****

“So do they at least give you a good choice of flavors? So you don’t get bored and stuff?” Emily asked from across the table, licking her dripping I cream cone. 

When your girlfriend decided to introduce you to the team after their match against Colombia, you were quite surprised she had chosen an ice cream shop as a venue. But with how food motivated the youngins seemed, you realized how appropriate it was. 

“I mean,” you said, your spoon suspended in the air as you blinked at Emily, “ice cream isn’t the only thing we will eat. I’m going to be on the station for like 8 months. Ice cream is not a balanced diet.”

“But it’s the only one they sell in the stores. You don’t have to lie cause the veggie lovers are here,” The defender said, leaning across the table, as though it would prevent the rest of the table from hearing her. 

“Babe, you literally love most veggies too,” Lindsey rolled her eyes, using her thumb to wipe a spot of chocolate ice cream from Emily’s nose. 

“Actually, I heard they’re a pretty good selection of dehydrated fruits and veggies and MRE’s and Tortillas and stuff. Plus I get to take a few things from home…” You mumbled, leaning back. 

She couldn’t be serious right? There was no way she thought you were supposed to sustain yourself on horrible freeze-dried dairy products for that long. Not to mention, freeze-dried ‘astronaut’ products for the most part weren’t actually possible to bring to space, with how crumbly they are. You were more likely to eat actual ice cream on the space station (less chance for an errant crumb being inhaled or destroying an important piece of equipment) than that gift shop garbage. 

“Oh yeah, MRE sounds way more likely than just eating the stuff they literally label as being for astronauts…” Emily said, rolling her eyes. “What does that even stand for? ‘Must reject Emily?”

You opened your mouth to answer, eyebrows furrowed, only for Kelley to nudge you softly. 

“It’s not worth the fight babe, trust me. Not the brightest lighthouse if you know what I mean,” Your girlfriend made a swirling motion with her finger next to her temple. 

You leaned in closer so your lips were nearly touching her ear. “She’s not serious right?” 

“I never joke about ice cream,” Emily answered seriously. 

You blinked at her, looking to your girlfriend who just shrugged and raised her eyebrows. 

“I’m, I’m not sure if they have a flavor rotation system for ice cream flavors. We haven’t been… briefed on that yet,” you nodded seriously. 

…...

“Can you hear me?” Kelley said, tapping her fingers impatiently as your face appeared in the video call. 

“He- -utiful,” You smiled through the glitchy computer screen. Your waving was broken up like a bad claymation. You leaned in to make out the fuzzy figures standing behind your girlfriend, assuming she was at camp or something. 

Normal long distance sucked, but literally being off-planet really made things difficult. It wasn’t like Kelley could just text you when she missed you, or randomly call you when she missed you at 3 am. Sure, she could email and you made a tremendous effort to schedule calls once a month, but it was still incredibly difficult (and slightly weird that a NASA tech dude had to monitor each call to make sure the connection stayed up). And sometimes even the best video-calling technology had issues. Like today (when a giant satellite or piece of space trash would block the signal). 

“Are you hav- -un at -amp?” You asked, grabbing your floating water pouch pushing out a sip sized water drop. 

“Yeah, it’s great,” Kelley said, watching you munch on your water. When you first got on the station you sent her pictures of artwork you made out of different drops of colored water- specifically making a giant water ‘soccer ball’ for her. Then you tried to boop it around and ended up losing control, amusing all your crewmates who watched you trying not to run into too many walls. “We’re looking forward to playing against Brazil on Friday, should be brutal.” 

“We’re set to be ov- Florida on -day, so I’ll try and tune into the ga-. Catch a nice - view,” You nodded, wiggling your eyebrows (which looked more like you having a seizure due to how badly you were pixelated). 

While Kelley wasn’t entirely sure what you were saying, she went ahead and nodded. “Let me know what you think!”

“Wh- color -it are you w-ing? Y- look -uper s-xy in the -ue,” you said, floating up in a ‘draw me like one of your french girls’ pose. 

“You’re favorite one,” Kelley said, winking at you. 

“-es!!” You cheered “-ake p-ture -or -“ the screen flickered dangerously for a second. Before a wobbly picture returned. 

“Babe you’re breaking up, I can’t tell what you’re saying. Y/n. Are you there? UGh. I love you! We’ll talk soon.”

“-ove y- -oo” 

Kelley blew a slow kiss to her camera before she heard a deep voice saying “Sorry ma’am. The connection was lost. Y’all still have five minutes on your scheduled call- Want me to try calling again? See if the signal improves?”

“Yeah,” Kelley shifted, rubbing the bridge of her nose as typing sounds echoed through the speaker. How she was going to make it through four more months of this she had no idea. 

“What if like the ship was attacked by aliens or something,” Sonnett whispered from her left, staring at the blank screen with real trepidation. 

“Not possible ma’am,” she heard him laugh. “But I doubt I would have the right level of security clearance to know.”

“great.”

Kelley grabbed a pen and marked a day off the calendar hanging on her wall. So much for ‘phone call with Y/n.’ She sighed. Just a few months to go. 

****

Gravity fucking sucked. It was disorienting and heavy and made you sick to your stomach. Space station alums always talked about re-entry and how bad that was, but you thought sitting in a NASA hospital bed while your equilibrium readjusted was way worse than your fireball craft plummeting into the ocean. 

“This fucking sucks,” You groaned, again throwing your hand over to pull out the IV. You hated how hard it was to move (and how you actually had to hold up a cup of water to get a drink but that was beside the point). 

“Whoa babe, I know you’re a little out of it right now, but that has to stay in. Just try and relax for a little while,” Kelley said, grabbing your hand and kissing the back of your knuckles. 

You frowned at her through heavy-lidded eyes. “Don’t wanna be here. Wanna be home with you.” 

“I know, but you gotta stay here until the re-entry symptoms have worn off a little more,” She said again. She knew that you weren’t going to be 100% when you stepped out of the spacecraft, but she hadn’t expected you to be so out of it. You were sick to your stomach and entirely unable to walk without assistance. 

The doctors assured her that you would be fine (residual effects from not being in gravity for so long and the impact of the landing or whatever), but it was still difficult to watch. It didn’t help that you were a horrendous patient. 

“Just watch the game. The US is even in Blue,” Kelley tried to coax. Even she was beginning to grow restless. But you couldn’t leave until you could keep down solid foods. 

“I don’t want to watch. You’re not in it,” You said, grabbing the remote from her and turning the television off. Then you tried to set the remote in the air, but instead of hovering like it should have done, it dropped to the ground. 

“Alright, commander Y/l/n. It’s dinner time,” one of the NASA hospital nurses said, bringing in a tray for you. Kelley thanked them as they left since you were too dazed to think of it.  

“God this food sucks, I hate jello ” you grumbled, lifting the spoon in front of your face (fully expecting it to float so you could take your bite) and dropping it as you want to open the pudding packet instead. “I just want a big juicy cheeseburger. With bacon and onions and-“ You trailed off, your mouth watering at the thought. You hadn’t had proper food in 8 months, and it had been your major cravings food. 

“A side of diabetes” she scoffed, picking up the discarded remote and spoon, “And are you going to keep dropping things everywhere?” She asked, carefully filling a spoon with chocolate pudding and guiding it to your mouth. 

“Fuck Newton. Things are supposed to float,” 

****

You loved the soft skin behind Kelley’s ear. It was so smooth, and it always smelt like a mix of her perfume, shampoo, and something inherently Kelley. It was a bonus that your exploration of the area always sent a shiver down her spine. You ran your nose along the skin there, nibbling on her ear before moving down her neck. Leaving little kisses along your path. Kelley sighed, sleepily scratching your scalp and tilting her head to the side to encourage you to continue. 

“You,” Kelley said. “ I like you.”

“Hm, I’m glad. It would be kinda scary if you were doing this with someone you didn’t like,” you mumbled against her skin, unwilling to part with it for even a moment. Kelley giggled at the tickling sensation. How you still had so much energy after you had thoroughly worn her out getting… reacquainted she would never know.

 “But what do you like most. Tell me, babe,” You said, moving your lips a little lower, towards where her shoulder and neck met. 

“I love… your ass. It’s out of this world.” She said sleepily, reaching around to grab her favorite asset of yours. 

“Well, it has been,” You laughed, pulling away reluctantly so you could look her in the eyes. 

“Shut up you goof,” She rolled her eyes, grabbing a pillow and whacking you lightly. You fell over dramatically, pulling her so she was on top of you. 

“Hm, I’m your goof,” 

“Yeah. You are. And babe?” She smiled down at you, leaning down to press a kiss to your lips. 

“Hmm?” You hummed against her lips. She leaned back to look you in the eyes, one forearm across your chest and her other hand beside your head supporting her. 

“No more space travel for a while?” 

 “Pinky promise,” You said, wiggling your hand so your littlest finger connected with hers. 

“Good. I can’t believe I was dating someone from TEXAS for a while.” Kelley pretended to shudder. “Jus think, one of your coworkers might have been a Houston dash supporter!”

[wri0thesley]

May I request some La Squadra childhood headcanons (upbringing/family/habits/demeanor) :)) Maybe Mista and Abbacchio too if it’s not too much trouble since we already saw a bit of baby Bruno and it made me so curious about the other two! I always imagined Abbacchio to be a bit of a teacher’s pet as a kid lol. Your writing brings me life tysm!!!!

warnings for abusive family, human experimentation, misogyny, illness, hospitals, death, etc! 

Risotto’s family did not care much about him. He’s the middle child of five - they grew up in a rural part of Sicily, in a house that used to be a farmhouse but was merely a house by the time Risotto came along (aside from a flock of chickens constantly in the gardens). He had a traditional Italian family full of people - various aunts, uncles and cousins - but his cousin was his favourite, seeing in Risotto’s quiet nature something similar to his own. Risotto was uncomfortable with there being too many people around and found his home life cramped and uncomfortable and loud. At the local village school he was often hunted out for games of sport (his height and muscle growing in at an early age), but he shied away from making friends, not sure how to handle himself around people who shouted and laughed, envying his siblings for everything seeming so natural. He often stayed with the cousin, and it’s through them he discovered metal music and his now signature look. His parents didn’t have time for him, but his cousin always did, becoming a makeshift father figure where Risotto’s failed. He grew very attached, and as we know, his cousins death hit him hard. 

Formaggio grew up with a single father; his mother simply disappeared in the middle of the night and he never heard from her again. He was always loud, brash and cocky - his father was much the same way. They moved around from place to place, his father taking odd jobs to sustain them and never really getting the hang of them. His father was fairly young and a perpetual teenager, and Formaggio was much the same way. Despite living in occasional poverty, he always had a smile and he and his father were close to one another. He did not really make friends - other children were aware of his unwashed clothes, the fact his lunch was not made as neatly as theirs, the fact that his address was a one-bedroom apartment on the bad side of town - so he turned to acting out and violence, gaining a reputation as a Badly Behaved Child. His father fell into Passione in the need to support his son, and like father like son, Formaggio followed in his footsteps at fourteen (finding a camaraderie and sense of responsibility he never had at school and subsequently just stopping going there). 

Illuso got into Passione for the money and the power. He was an only child and he had a nice upbringing, honestly - he just found himself not special at anything, and he desperately wanted to be. He flitted from hobby to hobby and interest to interest; he was clever and he noticed things, and neither of his parents really knew how to deal with their sharp-tongued child. He was a bit of a bully at school, but not the kind that is ever found out - Illuso’s bullying was quieter than that, whispered words and rumours that never seemed to find their way back to him. He was well-acquainted with blackmail before he turned sixteen. He knew how to sniff out weaknesses in other people - he was always surrounded by people, but it was a lottery as to whether they liked Illuso or whether they just didn’t want to be on his wrong side. Always willing to volunteer for things, too confident for his own good - eventually, he stopped caring about being ‘special’ at something, and just worked on being the ‘best around him’. 

Melone’s backstory can be found here. Both of his parents were academics and lecturers in genetic science, and he’s the eldest child by eight years. His family moved around rather a lot. He has two younger sets of twins as siblings; one set of boys, and one set of girls. Growing up, his parents considered him less interesting and a little slow - he turned to science and genetics as a way to get their attention and praise; despite the fact he showed a natural affinity for it, by this time, they were far more interested in experimenting on their younger children and Melone was ignored. His nature is curious and insistent - he learnt to insist or to be ignored. He had to look after his younger siblings a lot growing up; they were home-schooled where he was not, and the strange separation of them and him and all of the children at school (Melone not quite fitting into either group) meant that he always seemed just a little off. 

Prosciutto is a mafia man through and through. His family are entrenched in old bloodlines and uninvestigated deaths - unfortunately, though, they are a family that had somewhat fallen from grace by Prosciutto’s birth. The definition of faded glamour and keeping up appearances; rooms in a big, drafty old house that have an old bed and a falling apart dressing table. His father always talked to him about how it was his and his brothers’ job to keep the bloodline going - a traditional chauvinist of a man. His mother was very quiet and pretty; she encouraged him to small interests like old music and fashion, but was always silent around her husband. He grew up knowing his life was expendable. Youngest son of two; his elder brother died within months of finally being given his assignment within Passione and honestly, Prosciutto knows his father would rather he have died. A quiet little boy who did not make friends (he had a tutor) and had too much of the weight of the world on his shoulders in the knowledge of how many of his mother’s jewels were pasteboard, where the guns were kept, and just how many people he saw regularly were murderers. At his assignment at sixteen, Prosciutto had to learn exactly how to blend in, because many of the mafiosos he was suddenly surrounded by did not appreciate what they saw as his superiority. 

Pesci was an only child of a single mother; his father passed away when he was young. He was rather sickly growing up, and it made his mother indulgent - despite growing up fairly middle class, he never wanted for anything, and they lived well beyond their means. His mother fussed over him, always afraid that he was going to have a relapse into his childhood illness - very much a child wrapped in cotton wool. It gave him his own complex about taking risks; he didn’t want to get hurt. He didn’t want to be rejected by other children. He was slow at his schoolwork but devoted to his mother, and other children saw him as a prime target to bully. He was kicked around a lot at school and it eventually made him too easy to subdue when he suddenly filled out and shot up and became a threat; found himself, too often, a henchman to more articulate, meaner children. Grateful to be accepted, he went along with the flow, despite feeling in the very core of his gut that he was disgusted by them. He ended up in Passione because his mother needed medical treatment and in trying to sort it out realised just how much debt they were in.

Ghiaccio just had a normal run-of-the-mill described as ‘average’ by everyone upbringing - both of his parents, an only child, a mother with a professional job, middle-class. His father was partially deaf - in my experience, people with deaf parents either speak very loudly or very quietly, and Ghiaccio has gone for the former. He learnt LIS at a very early age, and it’s part of the reason he can be so anal about pronunciation and language as a whole - he’s utterly fascinated by it, and that fascination started in early childhood. His parents were also indulgent of him, but having a younger brother meant that he didn’t get the full brunt of that indulgence - his brother was a little more of a ‘rough and tumble’ boy. He liked football and weights, and when he took up a sport Ghiaccio’s parents decided Ghiaccio should learn to do something too and asked him what he thought - they were surprised when he said ice skating, but figured he would go into ice hockey or something. He didn’t. For a while, he was fairly well-known in the competitive figure skating under eighteens circuit. It gave him two things; one, a competitive need to win and be good at things (and a propensity to tantrum when he lost) and two, a taste for flashy, expensive things (have you seen this man’s car). His parents eventually didn’t know how to deal with his arrogance, and he fell into Passione based on a ‘sponsor’ he ended up embroiled with at nineteen when his parents didn’t want to fund his ‘hobby’ anymore (they kept pouring resources into his younger brother, of course - Ghiaccio always felt a bit like they didn’t take him seriously). He left ice skating competitively behind, but he couldn’t leave behind the nice things or the anger issues he accrued. 

I’ve written about Sorbet and Gelato’s childhood/backstory here! But a brief, shorter version:

Gelato had a loving family and a privileged upbringing. Always enough money, always enough to eat - an only child, who perhaps was a little rowdy at school but whomst his parents were very proud of. Both of them were traditional types; thinks a man should be strong, should be the real driving force of all relationships - they were extremely proud of him going into the army. Cleverer than people tend to give him credit for, sharp-eyed, a constant humming need to be doing something with his hands. 

Sorbet was orphaned at a young age in a house fire and taken in by a church orphanage. He’s quiet but equally clever; his cleverness tends to be a little less in your face. He was a comforting presence to other people and took care of the younger boys (even now, he feels a sense of duty to some of La Squadra) - being low-voiced, soothing and commanding. He spent a lot of time reading. The church orphanage was poor; Sorbet has learnt to appreciate luxury where Gelato takes it for granted and it’s part of the reason he’s so concerned with finances even in his forties. 

Abbacchio grew up in a houseful of women. His father left when he was still young; he was . . . not a nice man, and Abbacchio has vague memories of his mother carefully applying concealer over black eyes. It’s part of the reason Abbacchio became a police officer - knowing that he was still out there, not paying for what he’d done . . . Abbacchio wanted to ensure other people did not go through it. He had a little sister (by six years) who adored him, and his grandmother (who had once been an opera singer and still had a touch of that old-time glamour). He was fairly well off; at least, after he and his mother went to live with her mother again. His grandmother was EXTREMELY indulgent of her serious pretty-eyed grandson (his affinity for opera comes from her) who wanted so hard to be a Good Man. He was made fun of as a child for being a teacher’s pet and a nerd, you’re right - he adopted being a goth and dressing like that fairly early in his life. Nobody was going to threaten to punch him in leather and black lipstick, he thought - and nobody, too, needed to know that his CD player was blasting Monteverdi and not heavy metal. 

Mista was the only child of an unreliable mother and a father who left when he was four (he kept very vaguely in touch; Mista has three little sisters who he sees occasionally but keeps quiet about his employ to. After the events of VA, he’s established a fund for each of them, but he wasn’t really permitted to see them much growing up). Even after his parents leaving and his neighbour’s loss of an eye (and the subsequent setting in of his fear of the number four), he was an easy-going child who made friends easily and smiled at all and sundry; he was never particularly book-clever, but he was good-natured and had many friends. His mother’s lack of reliability meant that he became very fond of simple things other people took for granted - when she died, he was sad, but his life did not change much. He’d already learnt to fend for himself when it came to food and the like; often coming home to an empty house and simply making do. (The lack of food in the house is part of the reason he gained such an affinity for things he saw as luxuries like wines and cheeses). He learnt to use his dark eyes and charming smile and warm nature to win sleepovers with schoolfriends and evening meals with their parents. Always a little bit behind his peers in having cool gadgets or interesting stories, Mista was content just to have a simple life and good health. 

[elsa-writes]

Alfie Solomons x Reader: Beauty and the Beast

Part 1

Authors note: this is my first time writing for Peaky Blinders, and my first time writing a fic in a while, so please feel free to bully me for my inaccuracies! also I might change the title later cuz idk what else to title this. Enjoy!

—-

Polly pretended to disapprove of you and Arthur’s shenanigans. Reality was, she knew with you around, Arthur couldn’t get into too much trouble. True, it was not the most respectable of hobbies for a lady, to be playing cards and hanging around bars every Friday night. However, Arthur couldn’t be getting any whores pregnant when he had to watch over his young cousin. And he’d make sure you’d stay out of trouble, too. Tommy had a similar line of thinking. Although with this latest scheme, you weren’t sure you had his full support.

“Are you sure this is the best idea?”

“I think,” Arthur paused for a beat, stroking his mustache. “It will go smoothly. You want to prove yourself, that you can function in this line of business, this is it.”

“And what did Tommy say about it?” You questioned. He’d sent Arthur in his place for a meeting with Mr Solomons. You were sitting in the car outside of the distill- bakery. Arthur insisted that you come along to this meeting. Camden Town was a bit nicer than Birmingham-though not by much.

“You know Tommy, he’s, well, you know,” he blustered. In the back seat, Billy coughed.

So Tommy was not aware of this arrangement. “Right.” But you were not going to NOT go in.

You’d bumped into Mr Solomons once. He’d been leaving after having a conversation with Tommy. You scampered away before he could say anything to you. Not out of fear of him; you ran away because you were afraid Tommy would know you’d been eavesdropping. Though Mr Solomons had made a reputation for himself, from what you’d overheard, he sounded like a bit of a clown.

“Are you coming or are you going to stay in the car like a baby?”

“I’m not a baby,” you protested and stepped out into the cold air. “Finn is a baby.”

“Yeah, and I didn’t invite him for a reason.” Arthur punctuated the sentence with a slam of the automobile door.

You adjusted your outfit, making sure you looked proper and professional. “Let’s get this over with.”

A man awaited you by the door and led you inside the distillery. It was dark, and damp. The odor of rum-er, bread, permeated the air. The smell made you light headed. Your shoes echoed on the cement, the loudest sound in the room.

As you descended into the labyrinth, a man appeared from behind a corner. Mr. Solomons himself.

His hat cast an ominous shadow over his face- definitely planned for theatrical effect.

He did not react to your presence. If he recognized you he gave no sign. “Welcome, welcome! You must be Arthur!”

“Mr. Solomons,” Arthur greeted, offering a hand.

“I’ve head so much about you,” Mr. Solomons said. The amusement in his voice was evident. He wasn’t taller than your cousin, but he was stockier and way more intimidating. Billy stood on the opposite side of you, wary of the large man.

Arthur replied, “Shalom.”

You cringed. Mr. Solomons gaze flickered to one of his men behind Arthur.

“Let me just say, Shalom,” Arthur repeated, painfully serious. You felt ill. If it were a less tense situation you would have smacked him over the head.

Solomons tilted his head just enough for you to get a glimpse of the look of incredulity on his face.

“Shalom!” He said. “So glad you could join us for this most joyous of celebrations! And I see you’ve brought friends for the occasion.” Solomons nodded in your direction. You’d been instructed by Arthur to not speak too much or get involved. The same went for Billy.

Arthur shifted on his feet. “This is my cousin, and my associate. Shall we discuss business?”

“Cousin, eh? From the sounds of it, there’s a new Shelby every fucking week.” Mr Solomons chuckled. “Come along, come along.”

He lead you into a room with a table in the center. Something was off. Perhaps it was the comment Arthur had made. It had surely offended them. The Solomons men hadn’t even looked at you. Not that you wanted to be looked at. It was unusual, though. They weren’t even looking at each other.

Something else in the room caught your attention; a goat tied to the leg of the table. It bleated sadly at you. You resisted the urge to pet it.

Mr Solomons circled the table and gestured. You took note of the pipe in his hand that also seemed to function as a cane. “Take a seat, why don’t you?”

Arthur hesitated, both you and Billy watching him before making a move.

He took the chair on the end. Some of the Solomons boys were standing behind the three of you in a perfect line. Another one took a chair next to Mr Solomons, still not looking at you.

Mr Solomons himself remained standing, studying Billy like he was the most fascinating thing on the planet. “And you’ll be...”

“Billy,” Billy said.

Mr. Solomons focused his attention on you. “Shelby?”

“(Y/n),” was your answer as you sat down at the table. There were plates and cups arranged before you. You kept your hands in your lap, careful not to touch anything.

“(Y/n)...You know, out there in the sand, out there in the desert where me forefathers come from... started out as a little speck...”

“Is everything alright?” Billy leaned over to whisper to Arthur. One of the men lurking around had shut the door behind you while Mr. Solomons rambled on. Arthur tried to dismiss Billy’s concerns with a wave.

“Billy, don’t worry mate, yeah, if you want you can leave. If you need to go to the little boys room or something you can leave.” Mr. Solomons interrupted, sounding a little too much like a school teacher.

“He’s alright, he’s alright,” Arthur grinned, rubbing Billy’s shoulder. “Billy boy.”

Your stomach churned. Something was wrong. This was not the kind of conversation that Tommy and Mr Solomons had had the day you eavesdropped. This was not the simple meeting you were promised.

“You want to stay?” Mr Solomons asked Billy; staring at him so intensely you had to look away.

“I’ll stay.”

“You stay there, then, treacle.” Mr Solomons grimaced, and his voice suddenly became much louder. “So! The pharaoh! Have you heard of him?”

Without thinking, you nodded, and he pointed in acknowledgement at you.

“He kept my people, the Jewish people, in slavery for thousands of years.”

“Persecuted, right,” Arthur interjected, pleased with himself for making this astute observation. Mr Solomons eyes lit up with amusement.

“He did, he persecuted my race. killing the innocent, right. So this feast that we’re having here , is basically the day what when the Jewish angels decided the evil fucking Egyptians had pushed their fucking luck!”

“Right,” Arthur added.

“It’s part of our tradition to do this, for in order to make it good with god to kill a king.”

Oh fuck. You glanced towards your cousin. By the look on his innocent smiling face he had not come to the conclusion you had. Okay, keep it cool. From the rumors you knew Mr Solomons was an intelligent man who spoke in idiotic riddles. You could have been misreading things. Sabini could be the pharaoh in the story.

“Right,” Arthur said again. What was Tommy doing at this moment?

“That is the ritual of the sacrifice of the pass over goat.” Mr Solomons said.

Everyone at the table turned to look at the bleating creature.

Arthur looked ill. “A goat?”

Mr Solomons gestured to it. “Yeah, we’re gonna sacrifice it. Tonight. That’s part of the reason why we have to shut the doors as well.”

You wished Arthur had let you keep a gun. You were a sitting duck. Every muscle in your body tensed, ready for the action. No, Tommy wasn’t the pharaoh.

“But this year we thought we’d give the fucking goat a name!” He grinned.

“You named it.”

“We fucking did.”

You averted your eyes as a man put a knife to the goats neck. “Arthur?”

“You named the fucking goat.” He shifted in his chair. It seemed as if he was catching on.

“Evil fucking Egyptian pharaoh-“

“The fucking-“

“And you know what we called it?”

“What’d you call it?”

Your hands balled into fists.

“Tommy Shelby,” Mr Solomons answered with a hint of triumph.

As the blood of the goat spilled on the ground you dropped to the floor. Chaos ensued; a gunshot fired so loud your ears rang. It took a few seconds for your hearing to return. Arthur was screaming. You looked up to see poor Billy slumped in his chair, covered in blood, not moving. You brought your knees to your chest and covered your head to avoid any potential stray bullets. Three of the men had to restrain Arthur, who thrashed and cursed.

Heavy footsteps approached. You scooted back further under the safety of the table. Trying to help him would be useless; you were outnumbered and they had guns.

Arthur went quiet, his freckled face pale.

The back of Mr. Solomons came into view.

“That’s that. So, and the evil Egyptian scum was finally cleansed by the blood of the Passover goat. Mate.”

You covered your moth with a hand.

He kissed Arthur’s cheek twice. “That’s for Sabini.”

Then he promptly bashed Arthur over the head. Funnily enough, it brought back memories of all the times you’d seen Arthur do the same thing to someone else. The urge to laugh overwhelmed you.

Mr Solomons dropped into a squat and placed the gun he’d shot Billy with into Arthur’s hand.

While he was in this position he noticed you under the table.

“Ah, hello there,” he grunted, eyes looking you up and down.

You wanted to swear, or grab the gun from Arthur’s limp hand, or do something very impressive.

He stared at you, waiting for a reply.

“Hi,” you sputtered out. “Is he dead?”

“Oh, nah, that would ruin the fun. You were not supposed to be here tonight.”

“I know.”

“Right. What the fuck am I going to do with you?”

“Let me go?” You suggested. It was worth a try.

He scratched his beard, lost in thought. “Cute, but I think not. That wouldn’t exactly wrap things up nicely, would it?”

A heavy pause lingered in the air. You pulled your knees in even closer, in an instinctual effort to protect yourself.

“Ok. Well! Lads, why don’t you take our guest upstairs?”

“Excuse me? No, no way.”

One of the men grabbed your arm, yanking you to your feet.

“Hey!” You struggled to get your arm free.

Mr Solomons stood up and turned away from you.

“You’re gonna kidnap me and you can’t even look me in the face! Fucking coward!” You shoved the man off but slipped in the blood on the floor, letting him get the advantage.

Another grabbed your other arm and despite your best efforts you couldn’t elbow him off. The near tumble had discombobulated you.

Mr Solomons glanced over his shoulder, as cool as a cucumber. “My good friends the London police are here if you’d prefer to go with them.”

The shock of what he’d said made you forget to fight. “Wait, what?” He didn’t have police on his payroll. Oh, Sabini did, how could you forget?

“Get the fuck off me!” You screamed.

The two men dragged you out the same moment as the doors flung open. A group of police stormed the room.

“Fucking animal came in here with a gun and he shot him in the face!” Mr. Solomons gestured with his cane, ignoring your pleas for help. “And my lads restrained him. Look at him! He’s dead! Is he dead! He’s fucking dead!” His false astonished voice followed you down the hall.

You fought back with all your effort.

“Stop fucking fighting, you’re lucky he didn’t shoot you too!” One of them said.

“Oh, how kind! How generous! Please be sure to thank him for me! Arthur! Arthur!” You didn’t know why you were screaming for him. They were carting him off to jail. Fuck. Would Tommy know? How long would it take for him to find out? “Bastards!”

Going upstairs was the worst part; you managed to slither out of their grip and ran up a few steps before tripping onto your face. They at least had the decency to not laugh.

The upstairs appeared to be some sort of flat. The two assholes threw you into the closest room, probably out of desperation to be free of you.

“What are you going to do with me?” You demanded, although you were scared of the answer.

They exchanged glances. They had let you free but blocked the door.

“Well, we’re not sure. He didn’t really give us instructions.” One said.

“I could give you some instructions. How about you go shove a-“ the threat was enough. Without rhyme or reason you charged at them like a bull.

Before you could spring your attack, they slipped out, locking the door behind themselves.

Slamming your fists on the door, you swore at them, every word imaginable.

Once you exhausted yourself you switched gears. Taking in the room; you noticed a bed shoved against a wall, a large, messy desk, and a small window. The style of the room was at least ten years out of date, and was covered in what looked like ten years of dust. This must be where Mr Solomons slept. For someone who had money he didn’t live like it.

You moved to the one window in the room. Here was a potential escape route. Except for the crowd of men huddled outside smoking. They wore aprons, like the others you saw. There was no way you could get past all of them.

But you could once they left. The only issue was making sure nothing happened to you in between then and now.

Who knew what upsetting plans he had for you? He fucking shot Billy. He could have shot you. Maybe the only reason he did it was because the police were nearby. He could be on his way up here at this very moment.

You needed to block the door. Anything to stall for time.

There was a coat rack in the corner that you used. The large cabinet full of decorative China plates looked easy to push; after a few tense moments of pushing you abandoned it and went for the desk. You investigated your work. The door could still be opened a few inches. Anything more than that would be blocked.

It should be enough. It didn’t feel like it. You were becoming aware of the heavy, dull ache in your muscles. Your ribs hurt from you dropped to the floor and bruises had begun to appear on your arms. You sat down on the creaky bed. If you were trapped in here, you might as well enjoy the “comforts” of this place.

A few hours passed. It had to be the next day already. Your thoughts were with Arthur, wondering if he’d woken up from the bashing yet. And Tommy, if he knew you were being held hostage. He was smart. He’d get you out of this. Unless he’d finally had enough of your antics and disowned you. No, no. Polly, John and Ada wouldn’t let that happen. You were spiraling and tired but too paranoid to sleep. Laying back on the bed, your eyes closed as you strained to listen for any sound. Why in the ever loving fuck had you let Arthur do this? When had he ever done anything smart?

Someone knocked at the door.

“Fuck off.” You said, a conditioned response from years of your cousins barging in on you.

Mr Solomons huffed. “Yes, yes. Listen. I’m not going to shoot you-well, I might if you get on my nerves- I have actually come to the conclusion that you may be quite useful to me.”

You sat up. “What?”

Mr Solomons opened the door, and to your relief, it got stuck on the desk. “Moving my fucking desk around?”

“I doubt I’m any use to you,” you said in your bravest voice. “Tommy will be looking for me. And he will want revenge for your betrayal with Sabini.”

He jiggled the door again. It didn’t budge. “Yeah, exactly. Revenge and all that. And I know he’s fond of you- you were at his house that day- so if I have you, right, as leverage, he’ll be less likely to put a fucking bullet in my head.”

“Did you really put Arthur in prison?”

“Yes, and I’ve just gotten word that Michael...Gray, is it, he’s been locked up too. So Tommy is probably a bit busy at the moment.”

Michael? That was probably a lie. A bluff. Polly would be in shambles.

“So are you going stay in there forever or are you going to come out?” Not taunting. Curious.

“I’ll stay in here.”

“You can come out, I’m not going to fucking hurt ya-“

“I saw you shoot Billy in the fucking head! And nearly kill Arthur!” You barked and flung the nearest object you could find, an empty bottle, at the door.

He cursed and shut the door before the bottle could slam into his head. “Didn’t you listen to a fucking word I said? Tommy Shelby would really come after me then.”

“Fuck the fuck off!” Another bottle flew through the air for good measure. This time the liquid contents splattered on the papers on the desk.

“Fucking hell,” he growled. “Stay in there as long as you want then, yeah?”

Your voice wavered. “He’s gonna come for me! And you’ll be sorry when he does!”

[adorethedistance]

City Slicker, Cowboyfriend - Owen Joyner x Reader

JATP masterlist

Warnings: Swearing, nerves, mentions of covid.

Words: 2163

Summary: You’re starting to have doubts about moving all the way to Norman until a shopping trip to Ikea turns into the meet-cute you’ve been waiting for.

A/n: This isn’t a request or one of my Valentines day fics, this is just something that I have had stuck in my head ever since Owen posted this on IG and bc I’m facing total writers block with my other pieces I cranked this one out in a few hours to get the ball rolling again. Hopefully. Enjoy this totally unproofed, fluffy madness!! (Because who doesn’t need more Owen content in their life?)

There are perks to moving and one of them is undoubtedly: shopping. For furniture, home decor, kitchen utensils, whatever! Granted, shopping alone can be tedious and, for some, like pulling teeth, thus, I’ve enlisted the help of my best friends Leila and Chelsea. I didn’t even have to bribe them to come because everyone loves getting lost in Ikea. It’s one of the best things about the human experience.

“It’s been so long since I’ve been in an Ikea,” Leila says to no one in particular as we walk through the onslaught of staged bedrooms.

“What?! Are you telling me you don’t get meatballs and lawn chairs on a weekly basis?” My exaggeration makes Leila laugh as she steps into one of the display kitchens. Looking between me and Chelsea she asks,

“What would you do if I turned the handle then a jet of water sprayed out?”

“Die, I guess.”

The three of us continue through the faux house displays and past the mattresses despite Leila’s urge to jump on every single one. As we walk through the section of different lighting features, I sigh with a frown as I think about college. I changed my bachelor’s to an associate’s so I could graduate in two years. Chelsea’s parents moved out here at the end of our senior year in high school, and she moved with them to study in Norman. Leila in turn went to Arizona for an athletic physical therapy gig, leaving me to face college alone in L.A.. In the two years the three of us were apart, we missed each other more and more, and after determining which of the three states we lived in was cheapest, we packed up and headed East. Covid kind of delayed our plans. But after a few months, I picked Leila up from Arizona and together we chased open job opportunities into Norman, Oklahoma. The three of us found an apartment space to live in together and thus, we ended up in Ikea on this fine Sunday afternoon.

Snapping back into reality I see Leila standing directly under a light that’s hanging very low from the ceiling. Once standing directly underneath it, she pulls down her mask and opens her mouth, rising to her toes to eat the fixture.

“Leila, don’t you dare fellate that light bulb! You’re gonna get us kicked out.”

I swear I’m practically their mom when it comes to behaving in public. Figuring they can’t hurt themselves in the college dorm section, I lead them quickly through it and into the giant furniture warehouse section. On the far wall, I see a large poster of a couple smiling brightly behind Chelsea, but I don’t bother to read the text. Leila and I spot the poster at the same time, and the imagery jogs her memory.

“Chelsea, how’s Hunter? Haven’t heard from him slash about him in like a week,” she asks about Chelsea’s boyfriend of a year.

“Oh, yeah, he tore a ligament in his wrist.”

“What?!”

“Yeah, I guess he moved it wrong or something and put too much stress on the area that it just tore. He was moving hay bales into the horse stables.”

“As opposed to the chicken stables,” Leila judges under her breath, which makes me snicker as a result.

“I still can’t believe you’re dating a literal cowboy,” I interject, “Like, I know we’re in Oklahoma, and he’s from Tennessee, but we saw Texas on the way out here and that’s cowboy country. Norman seems more...” I trail off in search of delicate phrasing.

“Just barely marry your cousin territory, but still downing chewing tobacco whilst driving a lifted truck?” Leila hits the nail squarely on the head.

“Yeah, that sounds about right-” Before I can continue giving my thoughts on Norman, I cut myself off at the sound of laughter behind me.

“Sorry. We weren’t trying to eavesdrop, that was just really funny.” When I turn around, I see a guy roughly our age dressed in all black with bleach-blonde hair, speaking through light, broken laughter.

“No worries,” I dismiss the apology as we pass by one another, and out from the dressers section. The three of us continue into the different sections, and come to a stop once I see we’re exactly where we need to be: dining room shit!

“Cowboy boyfriends aside- oh my gosh: cowboy boyfriends. Cowboyfriends,” I say getting lost in my new terminology. Both of my friends share a mix of laughter and gasps and my ingeniousness. “Anyway. Cowboyfriends aside, how is Avery?” I ask Leila who begins blushing madly.

“She’s really good. We were just making plans for our three year anniversary, which reminds me to tell y’all I’m flying back to Phoenix to surprise her.”

“Awwww,” I nearly tear up and the sweet image of Leila and her girlfriend reuniting, “Y’all are so cute. Both of you and your partners. You know, being the only single friend in this group has made life suck a lot. Y’all are so happy and in love and not dead inside. Honestly? Get fucked both of you.” Despite my harsh words, the three of us break into a lighthearted conglomerate of laughter.

“We’ll find you someone… eventually.” Leila pretends she also can’t hear the last part of her sentence despite being the one saying it.

“I know, but I don’t think it’s in the cards for me to find love in Norman. I don’t need a cowboyfriend, and we’re not gonna find a true city slicker here either.”

When I finish my statement, I see our blonde friend seems to have followed us. I observe he comes to a stop in front of another guy in a flannel with a shopping cart. The way they jump into conversation with one another parallels the animated body language Leila, Chelsey, and I share. I continue to watch their exchange as Chelsea speaks up.

“Maybe you need someone right down the middle.”

“Yeah, like a guy who drives a truck but uses it to transport Ikea furniture instead of a whole ass tree that he’ll carve into a chair.” A small laugh escapes my lips, at both Leila’s statement, and the scene ahead of Blondie pretending to strangle his friend over something. I’m snapped out of my nosy yet endeared stare as a third guy appears. He’s a sandy blonde with billowing locks tucked under a trucker hat. And he came from behind me and my two friends to place something in their cart which keeps his back toward me. When he turns back around, my mind goes blank. Any thoughts of shopping for dining room chairs has left my mind. He is wearing a face mask, but he has such nice eyes that he could have a giraffe snout under the mask for all I care. I see him look up from the shelves, directly into my eyes. We stay locked for a moment before he breaks away and turns to his friends. I slowly turn to my friends too who are both giving me the exact same look of excitement and conspiracy.

“He’s really cute,” I sigh out with a laugh, swooning much louder than I’d have preferred.

“He has a face mask on,” Leila points out, her expression dropping from excited to cynical.

“Still! I can just tell.”

“Girl, what are you doing? Talk to him!” Chelsea whisper-shrieks.

“Shhh, I cannot take you anywhere!”

Glancing back at the handsome stranger, we connect eyes once more and I feel my face heat furiously as I realize he was already looking at me. I’m the first to break; I consult my friends for the best course of action and as I’m turned 180 to face them, Chelsea starts pretending to hyperventilate excitedly. Leila looks over my shoulder for me, discreetly surveying the other trio in the dining chairs aisle.

“Don’t look now, but he’s talking to his friends and looking between them and you.” I can hear in her voice she’s trying her best not to smile despite wearing a face mask.

“Should I give him my number?”

“Yes!”

“What are you waiting for?”

“I’m nervous! What if he’s gay?”

“Will you just get over there? I promise you a gay man would not be wearing what he’s wearing right now. Maybe a lesbian,” Leila adds for good measure.

“You guys are freaking me out, I need you to leave so I know you’re not judging my flirting.” I shoo my best friends out of the aisle as inconspicuous as possible. Kinda wish blondie would’ve done the same because when I turn back around, the other trio hasn’t moved and the only one looking at me is the one in all black. He quickly averts his eyes though and I take one last deep breath before walking over to the stranger. I tilt my chin up ever so slightly to fake a sense of confidence that I unmistakably don’t have right now.

“Hey.” Really, Y/n? Hey??

“Hey,” he greets back breathily. Why is he nervous? I’m the one who gets to be nervous! Man, he’s really cute. I can’t fuck this one up. I’m not doing so stellar right now. Perhaps you should say something else, dipshit?

“Uhm,” I should’ve scripted this. “I just wanted to say that-” You’ve got this. Don’t be a bummer. “I-uh, I think you’re really cute and I was wondering if I could give you my number?” My speech is slow, each word deliberate in spite of the fact that I feel like I’m having an out of body experience right now. I’m not the one in control of the words that are coming out of my mouth.

Upon realizing why I walked over, blondie’s friends take the question as a sign to leave and less than inconspicuously back away from the two of us. Trucker hat spares them one last glance over his left shoulder and judging by the look flannel gives him, they were definitely talking about me in their team huddle.

“Uh, yeah. I was gonna ask for your instagram- if you have one, that is.”

“I’m cool with both.” The two of us reach for our phones and unlock them with anxious hands. I move to hand him my phone with instagram open, and he trades me for his which has a new contact open. I type my name and put my favorite heart emoji next to it after triple checking the number is correct. Wow, you’re just so ballsy today, Y/n!!!!! I give him back the phone, scanning the instagram account he’s just opened and followed for me. I hear him exhale a little harder as a small laugh and can only imagine it’s from the stupid heart emoji.

“Owen,” I say in a hushed, endeared voice, fully not intending to say it out loud. “You have a million followers?! Oh, you’re an actor. OH… You’re an actor.” I really don’t need to be speaking my entire thought process right now in the middle of this Ikea. Exhaling a small laugh of my own, I see we already have a small bunch of mutuals, one of which is… Chelsea??? Looking up from my phone I turn around to see Chelsea and Leila watching the interaction from around the corner of one of the industrial shelves.

In the flurry of scattered likes, I see him find my account and follow me back. I accept the request, nervous of what he thinks of me without a face mask on. What do I think of him without a face mask on? Going back to his account, seeing his entire face is even better than just his eyes. I was right, Leila: he is cute.

“You’re really pretty,” I hear him almost sigh as he combs through the grid of my account. The comment makes my heart beat all the much faster and I finally look upward to get a glimpse of Owen in the flesh. Still as beautiful as the last time I checked!

Sparing a quick glance over my shoulder, he looks back down at me and laughs,

“I think your friends got tired of waiting.”

“I think yours did, too.” The other members of our trios come back into the aisle we had kicked them from more or less two minutes ago. We connect eyes once more and stare longingly, wordlessly at one another, so lost in each other’s beauty our friends have to break up the staring contest of infatuation.

“Y/n?” I hear Leila behind me.

“Uh, well, I have to get back to chair shopping, but- text me later?”

“For sure.”

“For sure,” I mimic his voice.

“Guess I’ll see you later. Y/n.”

“Yeah.” And with that, we’re pulled apart by our respective best friends, through the vast expanse of the Norman Ikea.

“What was that?” Chelsea asks, excitedly linking arms with me.

“I don’t know I- Wait, you have some explaining to do!”

*** 

Taglist: @caitsymichelle13 @kaitlyn2907 @itz-jas @crybabyddl @kcd15 @kinda-really-lost @calamitykaty @morganayennefertyrell @n0wornever @dream-a-little-bigger-x @mrstodorooki @vicesvsvirturesfanfic @curlybrownhairedboys @amazinggracy @kaitieskidmore1 @asdfghjkl-fanfics​ @ghostlygreenbean @juliefromaustralia @merceret​ @jemimah-b99 @ifilwtmfc @thesweetestsinner​ @imsydneywalker @lovesanimals @thebloodthirstyvampress @bumbleberry-pie @losers-club6 @tefilovesreading​ @dmcfarland1@joynerxmercer @kexrtiz @talk-on-the-street @phantompogues @konciousdreamer @sunsetcurvej @warmnesss0ul @lilyjoyner 

[nightingaelic]

Fallout 4 companions respond to getting captured by Super Mutants (for optional added angst, maybe even getting turned into a super mutant). Strong not included for obvious reasons.

Ada: "Be advised: My guardian has equipped me with a tracking device in the event of my capture. You lack the privileges necessary to access their estimated time of arrival."

Ada is always matter-of-fact about her situation, even if her legs aren't functioning and she's squashed between two bags of body parts on the floor of an abandoned hospital. She's also patient, and content to wait until the sole survivor comes to retrieve her. In the meantime, she'll run escape scenario algorithms to determine the best way out of the building. Not affected by FEV for obvious reasons.

Cait: "Are you f***ing serious?! I'll tear your ears off with my bare hands and string them on a necklace! You don't know who you're messin' with, you green bastards!"

No one can match Cait in sheer viciousness when fighting to free themselves, but even she has her limits. The sole survivor would likely find her in a cage, hyperventilating and on the verge of tears. If the super mutants made the mistake of exposing her to FEV, she would tear the nest apart herself. Mutation would be another internal struggle for Cait, but I think she could successfully make peace with her new state of being if given enough time. A makeshift, giant baseball bat might help.

Codsworth: "Unhand me, you brutes! By God, the class of people I'm forced to associate with these days just keeps falling!"

Pre-war Codsworth is constantly offended by the super mutants' behavior, particularly their lack of housekeeping. He can't help bemoaning his situation for all to hear, something that would probably annoy the super mutants enough to bonk him on the dome until he shuts down. Some assembly required once the sole survivor catches up with him. Not affected by FEV for obvious reasons.

Curie: "While we are waiting, would any of you mind answering some questions for me about how you came to exist in this state? Ça vous dit?"

With a wide new world of oddities to study, Curie takes her abduction as yet another opportunity to learn. If nothing else, she can observe super mutants in their natural- or at least chosen- habitat. Prior to her synth transition, not affected by FEV for obvious reasons. Post-synth transition, however, I think Curie would take the mutation as an opportunity to study the effects that turn a person into a super mutant. I don't think she would lose her bubbly personality, similar to the way Lily the nightkin retained some of her old sense of self.

Danse: "You may have the upper hand today, but you and the other freaks of nature are fighting a losing battle." [spits]

Having lost the most to super mutants in the past, Danse fights his captors until he is completely spent. In fact, the sole survivor would have to practically carry the man home for a lengthy recovery, something his suit of power armor would definitely help with. Mutation into a super mutant is one of Danse's worst nightmares, and if exposed to FEV, he would beg the sole survivor to show him the same mercy he once showed Cutler.

Deacon: "Oh yeah, this reminds me of that summer I spent camping out on the National Mall. You even look familiar. Know anyone by the name of Uncle Leo?"

Like in every tight spot he's ever been in, Deacon masks his stress level with quick wits and quicker retorts. Most likely to slip his confines, let the sole survivor fight their way to the heart of the nest, then reveal he was free the whole time and they needn't have bothered. If exposed to FEV, Deacon would probably panic and enlist the sole survivor's help in searching for a cure, positive that a mutated countenance would irreparably damage his ability to help the Railroad. Then again, he might see it as a "new look" and use it to his advantage for a bit.

Dogmeat: [snarling]

Any super mutants that get their hands on Dogmeat are highly likely to lose fingers. Still, there's not much the canine can do if he's put in a cage, other than bark and wait for rescue. While FEV leaves many dogs as aggressive shells of their former selves, I think Dogmeat would be largely okay with his new green-and-bulky form and would still happily guard settlements and follow the sole survivor around, not unlike Gracie from Far Harbor.

Hancock: "Whoa, whoa relax. I've got time to hang out for a bit, no need to get all worked up. Don't stain the coat, I doubt you can cough up the caps to get it cleaned."

Of all the companions, Hancock is the most unbothered by becoming a super mutant captive. It's just another wasteland adventure, albeit one where the opposing cast of characters are all at least two feet taller than him. He might earn some bumps and bruises for being unable to keep his smart mouth shut, but he'll just bide his time until he spots an opening to wreak havoc and escape, or until the sole survivor comes along to wiggle him out. Not affected by FEV for obvious reasons.

MacCready: "You know, I'm getting real sick of you green lunatics. Spent almost a decade living next door to some of your cousins, and they knew enough not to mess with me."

Upon capture, MacCready would roll his eyes and accept that he's going to have to wait for some help. He'd get more desperate the longer his wait went on though, envisioning a world where Duncan lost his dad without getting to say goodbye. Mutation wouldn't necessarily dampen his spirits at first: After all, if anyone can find a cure, it's the sole survivor.

Valentine: "Not exactly a group of masterminds, are you?"

At this point, Nick is used to getting abducted and locked up by just about every group in the Commonwealth. He knows super mutants well enough to know they don't listen to reason, but he can't resist getting in a jab or two about how he's far from edible. Not affected by FEV for obvious reasons.

Piper: "So, uh, what's say I write up a column about how super mutants are seriously misunderstood creatures and we'll call it even? No?"

Piper might have similar levels of confidence as Deacon, but hers are much more likely to waver when faced with possible death by ingestion. Her quips would be fewer and more nervous until the sole survivor arrived, at which point she would put her game face back on and cheer her rescuer along. If exposed to FEV, she would beg the sole survivor to help her find a cure for Nat's sake, and eventually weasel the information about Virgil out of them.

Preston: "I didn't need to get up close to know why you're called 'uglies,' but here we are."

While terrified at what the super mutants might do to him, Preston is the most level-headed when captured. He's already great under pressure in battle, and he's used to setting his own fears aside to find solutions for his woes. Most likely to have more people coming to his rescue than the sole survivor alone, due to his role with the Minutemen. If exposed to FEV, Preston would likely accept his fate with dignity, and make the sole survivor promise to dispatch him if he turns violent. I don't think he would, though, and the Minutemen would probably be more accepting of a super mutant officer than most.

X6-88: "I can afford to wait for field assistance, mutant. They will not make the mistakes I did."

X6-88 accepts his predicament calmly, like he accepts everything that happens to him. If unable to free himself, he will patiently wait for the Institute help he knows is coming, even if it's just the sole survivor with a pipe pistol. Regarding FEV mutation, turning into a super mutant might be the straw that breaks the camel's back for X6-88. In the Institute's eyes, the Courser is now hideous and no longer viable in the field: In X6-88's opinion, though, he is even stronger and more dangerous than he was before. I could see him finally choosing to desert his post out of a growing sense of self-preservation once transformed.

BONUS!

Gage: "Well look who's suffering from delusions of adequacy! I'd call you f***ers dumb as rocks, but at least a rock can hold a door open."

Porter Gage is great at heckling, and just good enough that he toes the line right up to where super mutants would start to understand he's insulting them. The sole survivor would likely find a gaggle of them around his confinement space, convinced he's complimenting them when he's actually being very rude. Breaking him out gives him the biggest smile. Becoming mutated himself might actually benefit Gage in the long run, as the raiders he used to be wary of would instead find themselves newly-wary of the Overboss' right-hand man.

Longfellow: "Too bad you aren't one of the more reasonable ones. Might've saved your skin."

Longfellow treats his own capture with a sense of humor, acknowledging that he's not as young as he once was and might need help now and then. Chuckles the whole time the sole survivor is fighting their way to him, and grateful upon release. If turned into a super mutant, he'd shrug, accept his fate, and ask to be escorted to live with his friend Erickson up near Far Harbor.

Maxson: "I welcome the day you and your kind meet total destruction."

If Danse is angry about being captured by his sworn enemies, Maxson is seething. Kidnapping a Brotherhood Elder is something that shouldn't even be possible in his eyes, let alone by super mutants. Once freed, he would do his best to erase the nest from the earth: Fire, missiles, tactical nukes if necessary. Also like Danse, Maxson would order the sole survivor to mercifully dispatch him if he were mutated. Additionally, he'd have them destroy any evidence of his exposure to FEV, and simply turn in his holotags with the news that he had perished in the line of duty.

Desdemona: [livid silence]

Plunks herself down, lights a cigarette if her hands are free, and waits. Eventually, the sole survivor or Glory will turn up, and she'll give them one, lingering look of disappointment before vanishing into the Commonwealth ruins. Least likely to get captured in the first place. If mutated, she would reassume her job as leader of the Railroad with no comment, and everyone else would know better than to ask.

[barkkletshunt]

Those Worth Fighting For Part one

Part two

Part three

Part four

Part five

Part six

Part seven 

Part eight 

Marinette had been over her teenage crush of Adrien for years. The obsessive feelings that consumed her youth fizzled out not long after he had started to date Kagami and the two girls grew closer until Marinette realized that she was happier for the both of them than she would have been if she was the one who was dating Adrien herself. 

So much had happened in those years that she couldn’t believe how much her life had changed. When Marinette was halfway through her highschool years Hawkmoth was defeated, and despite her best efforts to sway her partner Chat Noir had decided three days later to hand over his miraculous to her. Then, as if things couldn’t get worse for her, Adrien told her that he was leaving Paris to live with his aunt in England. 

She remembered the two years Adrien was gone as if he had just returned, the tears she shed for losing one of her best friends still stained one of her favourite bedtime shirts, and it had only hammered in how different everything was going to be for her. Kagami was there for her, however, and their friendship only became stronger. 

Kagami and Adrien were dedicated to their long distance relationship and with the free time that Kagami did have she made sure to spend it with Marinette. Kagami had brought out a new confidence in Marinette that she didn’t realize she had before, but now that she had it she was taking the world by storm. 

Marinette no longer bent over backwards for other people's approval, she no longer cared who fell for Lila’s lies, and her life was better. She spent more time with Aurore, and Mireille after they finished with their weather report and went to grab breakfast at the bakery. Marinette spent more time in the art room when Kagami was in her fencing lessons and became better friends with Marc and Nathaniel. She even got to hang out more with Nino again now that Lila was spending more time with Alya, and she didn’t realize how much she missed her childhood friend. 

Adrien was only gone for two years, and he had been back for two more, and Marinette had never been happier in her life. She was surrounded by the people who cared for her and loved her. She could remain their everyday Ladybug without feeling the same drain she felt in school because she knew her limits and her friends respected that. She was happy. 

“Marinette, I must ask you something,” Kagami stated as Marinette typed away at her desk, working on one of her final assignments for the business course she was taking. “It’s important.”

Without thinking Marinette spun around on her chair to look at her best friend, one whom Marinette had no qualms about saying grew into her looks beautifully. The usual stoic and regal woman couldn’t meet her gaze, and that was more than enough to send alarm bells through Marinette’s mind. “What’s wrong?”

Kagami wrangled her hands together, fidgeting in anyway she could. It was so unlike her friend that she had to take a second look. That was when Kagami held out her hand for Marinette to see the ring in which she was previously fiddling with. “Could you please make my dress?”

“Adrien finally asked?” Marinette was out of her seat in seconds, already standing in front of Kagami and looking at the ring in amazement. She knew it was going to happen at their dinner the night before, Adrien had told her previously and asked for more than a little advice. She was thrilled at the development and couldn’t be happier for them. Either of them. 

“Yes, and we will be having a duel tomorrow night in order to see if you will be my maid of honour, or Adriens Best Woman, but either way we were both hoping you could be the one to design our outfits for the special day.” This was the closest Marinette had ever come to see Kagami blush, and she wasn’t going to let the chance slip by. 

Marinette reached her hand behind her to grab the camera she had sat at her desk. “Of course I will!” And as Kagami’s face lit up like the night sky during Heros Day Marinette took the picture. “And I will definitely be the best maid of honour you’ve ever seen.”

Kagami rolled her eyes, but the smile wasn’t going anywhere. “You are so certain I will win this duel?”

“Duh, I’ve seen you kick his ass a number of times. What’s one more?” Marinette teased, placing the camera back down on her desk and giving her friend the tightest hug she could muster. “I’m so happy for you two! I knew it was only a matter of time, but still! I can’t believe it’s finally happening!”

Kagami returned the hug, relishing how warm her friend was against her. How supportive she had always been. “It’s finally happening.” Kagami repeated, tasting the words on her tongue. “It’s actually happening!”

“What did he say? What did you say? Like I know you said yes, but set the scene for me. You know I would have been there if I could.” Marinette pulled her friend to her loveseat and sat down, intent on hearing it all.

Kagami laughed, “as much as I love having you around, you can be worse than the paparazzi when it comes to these sorts of things. Like an overly proud mother who needs to add a million photos to her album.” 

“Emilie asked me to help make up for lost time, and it is my sworn duty to that lovely woman to do so.” Marinette shrugged, unashamed of her tendencies. She realized soon into their friendship that both Kagami and Adrien needed someone unabashedly supportive and proud of them and who was she to deny them of that? 

“Well now your sworn duty is to help plan this wedding, if you are up to the task.” Kagami leaned against her friend and grinned. “Adrien insisted that his cousin needs to assist in planning, he’s practically tossing all of the planning on the two of you.”

“His cousin? Felix?” Marinette made no effort to hide her distaste. “That dickhead?”

“Adrien told me about him causing three akuma’s in one go when you all were young. I’ve met the man myself, he is an upstanding man now.” Kagami stated, “please give him a chance.”

“Well, don’t expect me to fall head over heels for him, but I don’t mind working with him if he’s willing.” Marinette laid her head against Kagami’s and smiled wistfully. “Hold up, are you also asking that I plan your wedding?”

“Yes, wedding planning is too much stress for the baby.” Kagami said cooly. 

“What baby?”

“Adrien.”