#the biggest being that it fails to take the same big swings and risks as the trilogy

[nellasbookplanet]

The more time I sink into andromeda, the more I suspect the biggest reason it ultimately failed commercially was because of the massive tonal shift I've already mentioned, and how there was probably a pretty big chunk of original trilogy players who simply no longer fit as a demographic, while the game failed to reach the people who might’ve enjoyed it.

The original trilogy, much as I love it, feels a little bit like a wishfulfillment power fantasy for a very obvious demographic. Almost all women are overtly sexy in design and the f/f relationship in the first game seems to be written along the guidelines of 'what would a straight man find hot'; you play as someone cool and confident and powerful, the most specialest human ever, and maybe you aren’t always respected but YOU and the NARRATIVE always know you're right and you get to be rude to and sometimes punch/murder people who disagree with you so it’s fine. The game then salvages all this by means of genuinely well-written characters and arcs, really cool sci-fi tech and lore, a fantastic story, and meaningful and hard-hitting choices and consequences (which also allow and often encourage you to steer away from that exact macho ideal).

Enter andromeda. Instead of being a super powerful supersoldier from the start, you're the kid of one. You barely know what you're doing. Everyone doubts you, including yourself. You don’t get the assuredness of knowing you are Right and Cool that you have as Shepard. You don’t demand that same respect. And I'm sure there are a lot of people who hated that.

[writeiolite]

petals

plot: here lies the love story of nishinoya, the commoner boy who married into the royal family, and y/n, his childhood best friend and royal guard. try as he might, nishinoya fails to impress y/n when she’s always the one saving him, but one seemingly magical night might change that.

wc: 9,009

a/n: MRS. SKI!!! @nixhinoya​ ♡ where do i start... i am endlessly thankful for you and this commission. thank u for challenging me and being patient with me and so kind and caring all the time. i value u so much and ur so important to me i can’t even begin to express it. im so happy to have u in my life and i hope it’s forever ^^ pls enjoy this fic!! i hope spending time with prince noya is worth it c:

[ ! ]   if you want to use this fic in a reading video (like ASMR or smth), please dm me and get my permission first

. . . ♡ — crossposted to my AO3

“Once upon a time, there was a really dumb prince.”

“Hey!”

“And I mean really dumb. Astronomically dumb!”

“I heard that!”

“And his name was Prince Nishinoya.”

Whether he should stop you or wait to see how this plays out, he isn’t quite sure. It’s not as though he doesn’t know — it’s the story he’s most familiar with. The “Story of Stories” as he liked to call it. It’s the one legend he’s most proud of since becoming King.

The story of how you two fell in love.

Coming from a family of royal knights, your fate was set. You’d take on the same career as both your parents and be happy with it. In that day and age, it was typical, especially if your family has any sort of relation to the Royal Family. Still, you couldn’t fathom the idea at first — following in their footsteps just because they said so? No siree. Count Y/N out.

But then Nishinoya relayed the news to you.

Or rather, his step-father relayed the news to your mother who relayed the news to you. “Same difference,” Noya always said flippantly, not understanding his own contradictions either.

Anyway, the news. The biggest news of the century that changed your life sorta-almost-maybe forever. It had the maids gossiping even outside their housing, and that’s saying something in a world where talk will get you everywhere a criminal walks. Have you ever seen a spooked cat run away with its tail curled and back arched, slightly sideways but out of sight just as quick? That’s usually how the maids acted when they got caught gossiping about the Royal Family, especially when it’s a member of the Royal Family.

But they didn’t consider their new Queen to be royal, and they certainly didn’t accept the child prince either.

“They’re commoners marrying into the family after the late Queen — I don’t see why they’re any different than us.”

“I bet there’s a big scandal behind how they met. There’s no way the King would just marry a random woman.”

“He’s probably getting too old to find someone actually suitable. Gotta get an heir quick, I say.”

And then they’d boldly laugh and go about their business, completely unconcerned for the consequences because what could a commoner Queen do?

Boy, if only they knew.

For as long as you’ve known her, Nishinoya’s mother was a gift from heaven graced with the power of hell. Think angelic looks only when she’s in a good mood, horns and a tail sprouting from her otherwise. You’d never say that as a child, fearing the backlash she could give with her swinging hand, but you damn well thought it.

You thought it was scary when she got onto you two “troublesome brats” as kids — cross your childish heart, you really did! But the second you saw her ripping into the maids for their gossiping about her son, you had to reconsider where the line for fear starts and admiration began. It was like her angel wings were aflame, casting a horrific shadow over the faces of the maids (who were soon fired) for their turn of speech. There was definitely more to it, something like a cape of heroism flowing off her shoulders and a valiant sword in hand — a savior in all definitions of the word — but you didn’t need to stick around and risk getting burned yourself.

From that day forward, Nishinoya’s mother had unknowingly sealed your fate as her future daughter-in-law with her inspiring knightly efforts. Why, what else would you want to be if not a heroic royal knight?

The training to become a royal knight was brutal, to say the least, but you were prepared and diligent. “Lookin’ sharp, but I bet I’m better,” was something Noya always said while passing by. As the Crown Prince, he didn’t get a lot of time to chat with a knight-in-training, even if you two were still quite young. You’d come home with new bruises and achy muscles as a reminder for your hard work, your father offering a proud smile each time. Proud… or was it sympathetic?

“It’ll get better,” he would whisper, shooting a wink at your mother who would come in behind you. Apparently you weren’t the first pupil she had.

Even so, there was a reason you were trained by your parents (“Your mother, not him!”). A reason that you hadn’t known until the news was relayed to you in some other inefficient way. If it was supposed to be a surprise, it definitely worked on everyone no matter who in the grapevine knew about it. And it certainly worked for a certain brunet prince.

“You?” A small finger in your face makes your eyes cross, but you tap it away with a grin that matches his.

“Yup! I found out this morning after my last day of training! Isn’t that great? We’ll be together forever now!”

Forever is quite a long time, but at that age, it seemed like the natural thing. As higher ranking royal knights, your parents have worked close to the King forever, and now you’re to do the same for Prince Nishinoya Yuu.

Ah, if only it were that easy.

“You really think you’re a prince now, huh? Put a fancy crown on and suddenly you’re better than us?”

You heard it before you saw it — the familiar commoner accent, the rallied snide remarks, and the sinking sound of a fist or knee launching itself into someone’s gut. The shouts grow louder as your feet carry you faster and faster toward the commotion that you already predicted would happen eventually, you just really hoped you wouldn’t have to be the one to settle any disputes.

But it’s Nishinoya — of course, you’d have to do this for your prince.

“What gives you the right to lay hands on His Majesty?!” You throw yourself between your friend and your… former friends, arms outstretched and back tall even though the group of boys are much taller than you. They notice that, surely, and don’t back down, their knuckles cracking and fists grinding into palms with wry grins on their dirtied faces.

And much like the guardian angel you witnessed before, you keep them away from Nishinoya as swift and best as possible with the skills you were taught. Honestly, with how quick they are to retreat after you knock down one of them, you wonder why Nishinoya had a hard time in the first place. Sure, those boys are older than you two and a couple towered over you, but with his little brags, you expected just a bit more from him.

“You’re kinda hopeless, aren’t you?” you tease, pulling him up from the ground.

With defiance burning in his eyes and searing into you, Nishinoya sniffles up the blood that was threatening to slip down his upper lip from his bruised nose. “It won’t happen again, I swear on my life. They just caught me off guard and ambushed me like a buncha cowards!”

With his arms crossed and chin tilted, Nishinoya narrows his eyes at you. Up then down, his gaze moves, until he gives you a nod.

“What?”

“Nothing. Just don’t count on getting hurt while I’m ‘round.”

Hurt? You inspect your hands and arms before looking at your pants next, unable to find even a speck of dust. “I’m not- hey, wait up!”

Following behind Nishinoya became a normal thing for you after that, especially when he took it upon himself to somehow wander off the royal grounds and get caught up with angry commoners. You’d think he’d learn better, but it was almost as if he was out looking for trouble. If you weren’t behind him, you were in front of him trying to clean up his messes. If you weren’t in front of him, you were beside him, making sure he was okay and keeping him company. Year and year went like this until finally, finally, Nishinoya had found something to protect you from.

“Whoa there!” With a tight grip, a sign that he’s maybe unaware of his own strength, Nishinoya pulls you close to him, yanking you off course. By your luck, you don’t find your footing, but that’s okay, maybe that’s what he needed anyway. You can feel the warmth radiating through his thin summer sleeves as his arms wrap around you. “Be careful there, Y/N! You could’ve twisted your ankle or worse.”

You only need to scan the area briefly to see that he’s referring to the sudden dip in the ground, but you highly doubt that would’ve injured you any worse than your heart skipping a beat. Which is exactly what your heart is doing now for a different reason. “Uh, I think I’m okay…”

“You sure?” He sounds a little too disappointed, but he doesn’t let go of you. “I can carry you if you can’t walk.”

At that, you can’t help the laugh that slips through your lips, but you hold in the rest before you can hurt his pride. “Noya, I’m fine,” you insist, pulling out of his hold. “If anything, you look a little red.”

On cue, his cheeks get a little pinker, but he plays it off with his classic, obnoxiously loud laugh and pushes you along. “It’s just hot out!”

“We can go back insi-”

“No, no, no!” Nishinoya keeps pushing you along, that smile burned into his rosy cheeks and eyes creased like he won the lottery. Or like he’s hiding something. “I’d rather stay out here and get some fresh air. Plus, you know the walls talk.”

Of course, you know. They like to do more than talk, but you’ve kept Nishinoya away from that much for as long as you’ve worked for him. Little ventures outside in the garden his step-father owns are the safest place for private talks and moments of freedom. You’d even go so far to say that the royal bedrooms have rats.

“You don’t have to accompany me everywhere, y’know,” he mentions, hands in his pockets as he finally decides to walk alongside you now. “I’m sure I’d be safe out here.”

You nod along. “I know. But with your courting ball coming up, I might as well stick with you in case someone gets any silly ideas.” You definitely meant someone infatuated by him, but with the look on his face, you suspect he assumed you meant him. Considering his track record…

“I’m not gonna run off or something,” he pouts.

“I hope you won’t. I don’t need my job to be any harder,” you joke, but Nishinoya scowls.

“You think I purposely try to make it hard on you?”

“What? No that’s not what I meant…” Uh oh…

While he usually wears his heart on his sleeve and his emotions on his chest, your best friend’s expression is bordering unreadable right now. You two have stopped walking and even the breeze doesn’t interrupt you, leaving the two of you at a standstill. At times like these, you can usually figure him out and soothe the crease between his brows, but you wonder if you’re the cause right now.

“Well, don’t worry about that,” he starts with more assurance and confidence than you’ve ever heard. “I’ll make sure you don’t have to protect me like you did when we were kids.”

You believe him this time, but if that were the case then there’d probably be no use for you in the palace, and something tells you the hole that’d leave in your heart wouldn’t be repairable.

“Right,” you agree with a soft smile, cheeks tight and jaw clenched. If he notices, he doesn’t push for more out of you, and you’re oddly grateful for the small gestures to keep you “out of harm’s way” in the safely confined garden.

And if the garden is meant to be a piece of paradise, the Royal Training Grounds are a piece of hell that rose up out of the magma (shortly after Nishinoya’s mother). Even as an adult, you still have to occasionally train with your mother watching over you, sweat pouring down your temples and limbs numb from following the same sequence over and over. It couldn’t be helped — the new knights needed someone experienced to spar with and you don’t have to accompany Nishinoya when he has royal studies, luckily.

You don’t really know what’s worse, sitting through a boring lesson, having a wooden sword rattle your elbow when the junior knights successfully land a hit, or seeing the Prince waving at you from afar, getting closer and closer in his own sparring clothes.

“Mind if I join you?”

Of course, no one can say no, each of you kneeling before him with the utmost respect despite the surprise visit. Not a moment more and Nishinoya was facing off with you, insistent that you use a real sword because he’s “not afraid of a little butter knife”… Really, it’s the user he should be afraid of, but you didn’t want to burst his bubble.

That came after when you pinned him on his back, your shiny butter knife to his throat and sweat on his brow.

“I went easy on you so you could warm-up,” he lies as you let him stand. Not for long, though, for he’s already swiveling around to dodge your incessant strikes, barely able to keep his footing. Perhaps you should go a little easy on your monarch, but there’s something about the smile that plays on his lips as his tongue peaks through that makes you want to push him just a little harder. Restraint and caution seem to come after the familiar comfort you feel with him, and the smile planted on your face grows with each parry and exchange.

“You know,” Nishinoya sucks in a sharp breath as you narrowly miss his shoulder, “it’s okay if you need to take a break.”

Even in the midst of blocking his next move, you don’t miss the sweat that’s glistening on his brow. “I’ll think about it,” you answer with a coy smirk. A break? Yeah, you’ll give him one.

“Don’t think too ha-” The air jumps from his lungs suddenly, his eyes silly and wide as he stares up at you from the ground, flat on his back once again.

“Time for a break?” With your chest heaving and cheeks warm, you extend a hand to your friend, noting he’s not much better than you, if not a little worse. His cheeks are completely flushed red and his tongue flops uselessly in his mouth as he tries to come up with a response. If you could read his thoughts then would it be something along the lines of his usual quips, you wonder? By the way he grumbles under his breath, you figure so — he’s always been too easy to predict. That straightforward thinking of his is something you’re fond of, even when you tell him he should try being a bit more elusive.

“Elusive?”

Days later, the two of you sit on a blanket he dragged out of some closet, hiding away in the garden together after yet another run-in with some less-than-accepting royal foreigners. At this point, neither of you are surprised — more and more royals from far lands are journeying over to the kingdom for the upcoming ball even if not all of them approve of royalty being “tainted” by commoner blood. This time he leaves without scratches on his skin, but you can’t help but think about his heart too… You can’t stand in front of him and block verbal attacks.

“Yeah. Shouldn’t you make it less obvious that you’re up to something? It’s not good to wear your emotions on your face so blatantly when you’re being watched by so many people.” You pick at the grass, the flowers, your thoughts, his thoughts, and anything else within your reach.

Nishinoya shakes his head. “I’m not that readable. You don’t even have me figured out.”

“I’ve known you since I could walk,” you point out, leaning back on your hands now. Nishinoya, as you expected, snorts a laugh and gives you his full thoughts right there in his chocolate eyes and on that gooey grin.

“And you still don’t know everything about me. Meanwhile, I know everything about you.” He points an accusatory finger in your face and for some reason, you’re nervous about what he has to say next. You don’t have anything to hide… Right? “You have a crush on me, don’t you?”

The laugh that blows through your lips causes a little spittle to fly out, a hand coming up to cover your mouth as you laugh harder. “Did you hit your head when I beat you up the other day?!”

Even though neither of you drastically injured the other, Nishinoya looks at you like you’ve got two heads and he’s battling a concussion. The laughs only grow in amplitude, pushing away his silly question. Knock on wood… because that’s not something you can answer.

A crush is the last thing you have on your employer and best friend. The feelings you have for him have always been fond and that’s exactly why you get to keep this position. There aren’t many others who would stick up for him and his childish antics. And the more you think about it, the more ridiculous his question sounds. Did he mistake your closeness for romance? You’ve done nothing to give him that idea, right? You know all about him for sure: orange is his favorite color, spring is his favorite season, but a crush?

You recount the years with him while he’s thinking in his own world too, each of you remembering each moment the exact same but with one of you a bit more misguided than the other. There was the time you held hands as children until you were told it was inappropriate to continue doing so with adopted royalty. There were the times he’d invite you to his chambers to show you something and you’d lean close like you always did because it felt natural — safe. And the fonder memories were the ones in the village, walking around and seeing familiar faces that would let you two be yourselves in the confines of the diner you two both love. Those were the times that even you let yourself pretend you weren’t his knight and you were just his best friend all over again with your shoulders bumping, cheeks glowing with grins, and hearts racing from a good laugh.

Each memory evokes a familiar response within you — one you’ve always coined as fondness and elated joy when it swells warmly in your chest. As you get lost in them, you don’t hear Nishinoya mutter a “That wasn’t a no” with a smile of his own.

Besides, there are few times you could ever tell him no — not when your heart wants to tell him yes. Be it an amusing question or a short one like “Will you be accompanying me at the ball,” you manage to at least tell him yes to the last question when he asks, even if your chest tingles weirdly. Perhaps it’s a cold…!

A cold, chilling realization that this is his courting ball, and the Prince himself asked you to accompany him.

You could only barely imagine what kind of extravagant and detailed threads would be laced through the expensive fabric on his shoulders, everything glittering and shimmering in some eye-catching way to appeal to the guests and a future wife. It’s cliché for sure, but even you can’t help but wonder with a bit of a smile either because you’re interested or simply curious. There should be no harm in thinking about it, you figured, and maybe the world agreed a little when you received a written order from your commander.

“Attend the ball as a guest — the junior knights you trained with previously will guard. Enjoy.”

Perfect, isn’t it? With luck like that on your side, the days ticked by faster than you could prepare for. The glittering golds and sparkling silvers twinkle in your eyes behind the masquerade mask, something Nishinoya had insisted his guests wear for whatever reason. That makes it easier for you to sneak up on him, of course, but…

“Guests aren’t allowed past this area.”

Good to see they newbies are doing their job right, at least. “And when is the Prince arriving?” You try to sound a bit more refined than usual, even with the uncomfortable strain it puts on your throat and the laughs that nearly burst from your stomach.

“Uh… when he sees fit.”

Who can actually hold back from rolling their eyes at that response? Sure, they’re good at standing guard, but they should know the Royal Family always arrives 35 minutes after their events start. You have to turn away to at least remain polite when you scowl, but someone else catches the exchange from afar, their eyes locked on you as you continue to saunter around aimlessly.

You’re not the first nor the last person to inquire about his arrival — there are always some more than eager fans or money-hungry followers and saboteurs who wish to see him before everyone else and butter him up. They’ll rip into him like savory bread and eat away at his status and riches because he’s an easy target — a royal stand-in who they figure has a commoner’s brain. So when he finally arrives, you don’t rush to his side and show off your status or accolades. Frankly, it's hard to find him once more time passes and more guests swarm to him, especially when the dreaded dancing begins.

No one attends a ball without learning how to dance — it’d be embarrassing to do so — but that doesn’t mean you’re any good at it no matter how much you practiced. The ballroom floor is a beast you never fully conquered and it’s not exactly something you’ve had to protect Prince Nishinoya from, evident by the way he completely jumps in without fear. A smile is burned into his face as he takes the first hand he can reach, stepping and twirling around with them with refined motions while oo’s and ah’s fall from parted lips nearby.

Like a whirlwind of petals, they spin and glide around, the small chit chat amongst them a whisper that ends in a soft decrescendo as another petal finds its way into Nishinoya’s nimble hands. Around and around they go, each flying floral friend a different color than the last until he finds himself wrapped up in a flurry of orange petals — his favorite color.

“You were looking for me earlier, weren’t you?”

“I think everyone was looking for you, Your Majesty,” you quip back in that same voice from before, and somehow he’s fooled. Behind his own mask, you can see the glimmer of entertainment and the gooey grin right beneath it.

“Yeah, but I didn’t expect someone to try to break into the off-limits area,” he retorts, twisting you around yet never losing his grip on your hand or your waist. “So you kinda stuck out like a sore thumb.”

With a scoff you say, “Does that make me special? Am I suddenly allowed back there?”

For once since the never-ending song began, Nishinoya’s cadence falters just a little bit, his grin falling but not fading as your words fill his ears. “Of course not! Only one gal is allowed back there with me.”

Shades of sunset surround you — the citrus orange dress, the golden lock of his hair, and the salmon-pink on his cheeks. Another swell of the music goes by while you consider his words and your own response, your heart picking up its own tempo. “And who might that be? Where is she now?”

The pink bleeds into red. “She’s-… somewhere.”

That’s helpful. “Well, I do hope you find her. I’m sure she’d be thrilled to dance with you.”

“Noooo, no, no,” Nishinoya laughs, his grin once again blooming. “She’s not much of a dancer; she hates this kinda stuff. She’s more into… standing back and making sure everything goes okay and stepping in to save the day.”

“O-oh?” Being a hero to the Prince? That’s a common trait, of course…! “I wonder if she’ll save you from all of this foot-aching dancing,” you bait, but you know. Well, you think you know, but you must be stretching reality.

“I hope so,” he muses aloud, getting caught in his thoughts for a moment. “…Oh, not to say you’re bad company or anything but- y’know-…”

Oh, you know. You really, really, think — hope? — that you know. Is it hope? What if it isn’t me… Why would he mean me in the first place…

“I’ve just known this person for a long time,” he rushes out, “so these kinds of events are fun and dancing is great! But I guess I’m not doing it for the right reasons. Sorry if I got your hopes up. Not very princely of me I guess.” He’s sheepish when he pulls away, the guilt you’re familiar with only obvious to onlookers through the mask due to his habits: hanging his head, rubbing the back of his neck, and lips tucked in. Again, his emotions are right on his sleeve and he doesn’t spare his honesty, but you can’t bring yourself to comment on it like you used to.

Just in time, the song comes to an end and the most you can respond with is the formal curtsey you’d learned over the years. It’s a miracle you had learned even one dance, and you’re beginning to count your lucky stars now — it was the dance that Nishinoya had made you help him learn years ago, but you only managed to perfect it just days before through your own practice.

Still, you have to take a seat and let your feet rest from the achy heels. Years of knight training were much worse but gosh this wasn’t exactly a walk down the aisle. While you may stop and observe, the party doesn’t by far. From petals in the air to bubbles in glasses, you watch Nishinoya have his fun with all the possible She’s… You’ve been his best friend all his life — who else would he have meant? You hope you’re not being selfish to think he meant you, and you can’t unravel why the thought of it being you makes you giddy. It would be easy to say it’s just nice to hear someone talk about you sweetly in third person, but… that’s something you could get anywhere. It shouldn’t make your heart dance from hearing him do it, but maybe… maybe he was right when he said you hadn’t figured him out yet.

You’d play with he-loves-me and tinker with he-loves-me-nots, but the stage was set the second you felt the urge to stand by his side and defend him all those years ago — when that “forever” began. Whether it be a misfortune or not, the answer from plucked flowers wouldn’t change what’s at your core.

Maybe I’m the idiot.

You sigh to yourself, officially needing some fresh air to dilute the haze in your mind. The lights outside shine right through the stained windows, a kaleidoscope of colors melting into your skin as you walk toward the front entrance of the ballroom. Maybe it would be best to just linger on one of the patios, but you have better chances of personal space out in the front yard. That’d be ideal.

And your wish for fresh air is promptly granted when the window you passed bursts open — no, breaks open. Rainbow shards are sent flying and skidding across the waxed floors, crunching down into crystalline dust under multiple pairs of uninvited boots. It doesn’t take a second more for the shrieks to come next, some shrill enough you’re almost worried they’ll break the rest of the windows, but the gruff voices of the intruders is enough of a concern on their own.

“Get the Prince!”

“Take hostages if you have to!”

“Don’t let him get away!”

Your feet move without you having to think, instinct and muscle memory guiding you to do what you’ve been trained to do: protect. Even with your feet complaining and your waist squeezed a little too tight, you barely take a second to lunge toward one of them, fully intending on taking him down.

But it’s a second too long.

Arms wrap around your waist, yanking you off balance and leaving you stunned as your view is obstructed and body pressed against fabric all too expensive for you to be touching.

“Stay behind me,” you’re told, and if you could step on his foot from behind then you so would. It’s Nishinoya — did you expect any less from His Recklessness?

“Wait, but-”

You’re cut off by the charging rampage of men barreling toward you from all sides — some the black-masked enemies and others adorning the familiar helmets of your fellow knights rushing to help. Yet none of them have your heart racing like the young man right in front of you, one arm extended behind him to cage you in while the other… what? For Christ’s sake, he’s weaponless and still throwing himself in front of you with so much confidence you almost believed you were in good hands.

Before he could really be in any trouble, it’s your turn to yank Nishinoya back, letting the knights clash with the intruders while the two of you narrowly make it to the edge of the fray. You’re surprised you don’t twist your ankle in the process, but you’re not surprised by the persistent, grimy hand that twists itself into Nishinoya’s royal attire, desperate to claw its way up in the social ladder and drag him down and out the castle.

“What the-” His Majesty tries to yank away, anger written all over his face that you can tell he was about to unleash, but this time you’re quicker. A blow to the back of the neck and a knee launched firmly into an unprepared stomach is all it takes for his freedom, the unknown man curling over and stumbling back into the next mass of knights headed your way.

“Oh, than-”

“Move,” you command urgently, pulling him aside harsher than intended, but very much needed due to the sheer number of knights rushing over. “Don’t make their jobs any harder.”

Like always, you’re in front of him once more, casting a familiar shadow and in a familiar stance to uphold your number one priority of keeping him safe. And like the Nishinoya you know and are extremely, unfathomably “fond” of, he speaks out his thoughts directly, even when they’re out of place.

“Y’know, I gotta admit, you really remind me of someone!” he shouts over the commotion right into your ear, and this time you don’t get to roll your eyes as you attempt to put some distance between the two of you and the bustle of trouble brewing on the dance floor.

Unlike the previous dance of agony, there’s no music to melt away numbing pain, but at least the tango doesn’t last long. Sure, you want to throw in little critiques to the junior knights nearest to you — the could haves and the should haves that you know you’ll keep to yourself but bring up next time you help them train — but there’s a time and place for you to play civilian and play knight. And they do a good job of ushering all the guests away from the center of danger, yourself included. Sigh.

“That was so terrifying. I thought I was going to get snatched.”

“Is His Majesty okay?”

“I don’t see him…”

Alarms go off in your head as you scan the crowds for the familiar head of boldly styled hair. He wouldn’t have gotten caught, would he? You didn’t take your eye off him the whole time, so how?

That familiar pace is back in your chest as some police and knights take the culprits outside, finally allowing the guests to walk around freely again within the room. It couldn’t have been worse — letting everyone go at once meant theatrics and cries with the harsh start of the music out of time like a circus tune, but your prince is nowhere to be seen.

“Maybe he was rushed off to his chambers.”

“I think I saw him go back into the restricted area.”

“Are you sure he didn’t go outside?”

Outside. You just need to make sure he’s there — nothing more. You can keep your wits about you as long as you know nothing bad happened to him. As impulsive as he is, you doubt he’d be so careless to jump into trouble twice in a row… Maybe thrice…

“Guests aren’t allowed outside.”

You’re stopped at the doors, glass crunching under your heels while a maid is desperately trying to sweep up around you.

“I just need to check something,” you reason.

The knights don’t budge. “Guests aren’t allowed outside. Once the criminals are off the property then we have orders to lift restrictions.”

“What’s it gonna take for a girl to get some air around here?!” You lift the mask up to your forehead, glaring right through knights’ armor as realization roots into their features. They stand up straighter and instantly clear the way for you. Finally… you were really starting to regret your day off.

The night air is brisk on your face, inviting you to let the mask down once more to shield yourself from even a little bit of the winds, but you push forward without it just to embrace the temperature difference a little longer. And once you round the corner and make your way into the garden then the trees should be enough cover. Not just from the chill, but from the prying eyes.

If all you’re doing is checking up on him then there’s no need for the nervousness you’re feeling. The need to reason and rationalize your actions gnaws away at one part of you while the other part just wants you to embrace it. An internal battle that you may never win, but they always say to lose the battle and win the war. If you were to let your feelings run their course then would that be so bad? It’s risky given your position in the kingdom, but maybe you’re content with just having a crush and nothing coming from it. At least you can be honest with yourself about it.

That honesty is the most refreshing breath of air you’ve had all night, your chest and shoulders lifting as you do your best to hurry toward the garden. You may not have it all figured out, but you’ll be happy as long as you don’t pretend these feelings don’t exist. It seems they came out of nowhere, but they’ve been there all along while your eyes were too occupied watching him. And when all you see is him, you wouldn’t want anyone else.

“Hey, you’re not supposed to be out here.”

Again?! You turn with your irritation rising but feel the blood descend your face and your heart drop into your stomach. It’s your turn to stand up straighter now. “Commander.”

Her timing couldn’t be more inconvenient. “Why aren’t you at the ball?”

“I was looking for His Majesty,” you answer, almost robotically like you’re delivering a report. It’s muscle memory — if you get it out fast enough then you can leave.

“Look for him at the ball. Unless you want to be working? I didn’t give you tonight off for you to snoop around.”

The amount of self-restraint you have is amazing — no whining, no eye-rolling, and no groaning no matter how much your instincts would have you do with anyone else. “I’ll get back there then.”

It seems you’ve lost the battle before you could even start, and at this rate, you’ll lose the war too. Your commander accompanies you as you walk back to the ball with heavy feet and a deflated back, your mask once again secured on properly and hiding your disappointment just enough. You don’t bother to hide the frown that tugs on your face as you sip your fruity drink, nor do you hold in your sighs.

To be or not to be?

Someone’s getting carried away with their dances, but they aren’t the person you’re searching for.

To be or not to be?

The fire-breather is here. Is Nishinoya here to see him too?

To be or not to be?

When did you become such a lovesick puppy?

A groan leaves you, one of many to follow as the night seems to drag on. You thought it would get better, especially when Nishinoya finally made an appearance again, but there was no time to exchange words with him. If you don’t do it tonight then the atmosphere with him will undoubtedly feel awkward later. You know things you shouldn’t, feel things you shouldn’t, but both of them fit together so perfectly that you can’t help yourself. If you can tell him tonight while you’re still dressed up then it can be like someone else said it. You can tuck this memory away with the dress and the mask later, but you can’t hide it if you admit to your feelings as the Y/N he always knew. For once, there’s something even you can be a coward about.

And for the first time in days, your luck finally runs out. As if the clock struck midnight and the magic wore off, the ball ended without the happy ending you wanted and the guests all filtered out with smiles and some with darkened cheeks or jelly legs. Your own legs ached, but it was quickly dulled once you put on something more comfortable: the casual wear of Y/N, Prince Nishinoya’s personal royal knight.

Not to be.

What were once light and lifted shoulders hang low, if only just for tonight. You know you don’t have the luxury to mope around tomorrow — not when things are back to normal again and you’re expected to play your role as the loyal, valiant knight you’ve always been. The more you think about it as you walk through the castle corridors, the more you can mentally prepare yourself. Even if this means going back to your own room and laying in silence with a book to distract you from your frustrations. Anything, literally anything, could be better than right now.

“Y/N?” Hearing your name, hearing his voice, you stop in your tracks while your heart races on. “There you are! I didn’t see you all night, but I guess you were pretty busy with that random ambush, right?”

You speak up using the voice you both know, brushing off his comment with a small huff of a laugh. It’s a familiar notion that offers you a bit of solace to go back to how things were — how they should be. “You could say that. I know you were jumping right in too.”

Immediately, he’s Noya — hands on his hips and his own casual nightwear catching the candlelight and his physique while his damp hair frames his face naturally. He looks at you like you’re kids again and you’ve spilled his secrets, and in a sense you have. “Hey now, I did some pretty heroic things back there. Don’t go ratting me out right here!”

If you hadn’t known him, you wouldn’t have caught on, but the meaning behind his words is clear enough: talking in the halls isn’t the smartest choice. Back to the garden, where your cold realizations and fresh air can either haunt you or free you.

Side by side, the two of you follow the memorized path through the hydrangeas lines with hibiscuses. They’re an odd mix for sure — Noya pointed that out to you at first — but they’re a mix he said his step-father and mother picked out, and thus something that he likes to look at. That specific part of the garden is a symbol of their love, and a reminder to persevere even when life is stormy. Even now, with the golden lamps and the silver moon as the only sources of light, his eyes soak in the floral surroundings like it’s the first time all over again. Somehow you feel like you’re reliving a memory with him just by being here, one that’s making his lips curl just the slightest before he speaks up.

“I saved you a dance.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“I did too!” He looks at you now, glowering even though he doesn’t mean it. His eyes lack any maliciousness, the shine in them too pure and playful, especially when his trademark grin is back. “I even practiced so you wouldn’t cry over stepping on my feet.”

If only he knew you did the exact same. “Ha. Ha. How considerate, Noya. I bet that was easier than sparring, right?” You playfully nudge his arm and he returns the gesture.

“I saved someone today too!” He lights up for a second, interjecting the banter with genuine pride. “I pulled her out of danger when those bad guys rushed in. You saw, didn’t you?”

“Hmm…” you tap your chin in thought, catching how his features falter slightly. “Yeah, of course, I saw. Don’t get too sad on me now!”

“Tch, be nice! It’s not easy being the hero, y’know.” Suddenly, Nishinoya’s footsteps come to a halt, his hand rubbing the back of his neck and eyes cast away from you. You know he has something to say, and maybe you know what or you’re foolishly hoping for a sudden storybook confession, but…

“It… makes me realize how hard you work.”

To be?

“And I don’t want to take that away from you. Your job, I mean. I’m the Prince you’re supposed to be protecting and nothing more.”

Not to be…

“That’s not true,” you mumble, the words not having your confidence from earlier. “You mean more to me than that.”

His arm flexes as he squeezes and massages the back of his neck, working away at his nerves and the knots that hold him back. “I believe you, trust me. I’m not dense.”

Debatable but… he knows? Does he know? Was I really the oblivious one here? You bite your lip, anxiously awaiting his next words.

“I know you’re devoted to your position as a knight and I just wanted to… wanted to say…” With a deep breath and a tug at the crown of his hair… “Iwon’tgetinthewayofyourjobanymorebecauseIreallycareaboutyou.”

If the wind had blown any harder — no, if the wind had blown at all then you wouldn’t have caught his quiet words. But you do, and they drive you up a wall and to the breaking point you hadn’t realized you were reaching. All those years spent beside him… you were so preoccupied basking in the sun with him that you hadn’t realized your feelings blossomed in the shade until they burst into a garden.

“What happened to being the ‘gal allowed in the off-limits area?’ Are you saying that’s just because of my job or something too!?”

Of all things to blurt out, you have no idea why it was that. The off-limits area means nothing to you, really, but the mere mention of it means a whole lot more now. Nishinoya’s eyes are staring right into yours now, wide like the moon in surprise and waiting for more like a starved wolf. You’ll be damned before you say more. But if you do then will you get what you wanted? Is this a good idea?!

“Uh…” His mouth opens and closes, needing more time to sew his thought together but you can’t wait any longer.

From your pocket, you pull out the mask and the hair barrettes, fingers clutched tightly around them because if you hold them any looser then he’d see your hands trembling. The clarity that crosses his features is slow to grow in, not sprouting until you have the mask up to your face and the barrettes hovered over the position they once were. He’s not dense, he’s dense and slow, and you’re having trouble keeping your breathing in check as you wait for him to start speaking.

To be or n-

Horror cascades his face, swallowing him up in a shadow of guilt mixed with panic and his hands gripping your shoulders with a sudden shake. “I WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU!”

“W-what?!”

“PLEASE DON’T GET THE WRONG IDEA!!!”

Is it your brain rattling in your skull from the jarring motions he’s moving you in or is it your head banging into your hands? What is he even saying? You can barely make out that all the color has risen to his face — each feature blooming in red.

“Noya, what are you-”

“W-when I told you I wasn’t interested in you!!” He takes a gulp of air now, finally freezing and just holding onto you so tight you might crumble. “I-… I meant that I wasn’t interested in you because I was- I am- interested in you. This you! Well, both you’s, but I didn’t know you were you and I didn’t want anyone to get attached because I was saving a dance so I could tell… you. And then I… did tell you?”

He really pauses now, hands moving to his damp locks and tugging as if that’ll pull the knowledge right out for you both. You know what he’s saying, but the loop-de-loops getting there are making your head spin almost as much as his. And his is spinning-spinning, that silly look plastered across his face while he sorts through his frustrations.

“I… I confessed to you back then, didn’t I? Technically?”

“I-I think so?” You want to say you can’t be sure now, but…

“At the same time that I told you I wasn’t interested in you.”

“Yeah…”

“UGGGHHHHH! Man!” He falls to the ground, landing flat on his butt and holding his jumbled up head in his hands. “I really did it now, huh?”

The nerves are kicking in again, but only as a soft buzz. At least you’re not the only frazzled one here as you sit beside him in the grass. “I think it’s okay, though. You didn’t know it was me, so technically you didn’t reject me.”

You don’t even have to look at him to know that it’s still eating away at his conscious, his poor brain working in overdrive to find a solution the doesn’t need. “I-… I can’t believe I did that. I do like you… A lot. And I was trying to find out if you liked me too so I lied about you having a crush on me before. But I don’t want to get in the way. I don’t like giving you a hard time.”

“That’s still sticking with you?” You scowl and he meekly nods. “I told you I was only joking. I won’t say it anymore if it bothers you this much. I just liked teasing you but I love what I do and I’d do anything you asked.”

“I know… That’s kinda the worse part. I know you’d do anything for me and I don’t deserve you.” He can’t seem to look you in the eye, keeping his head hanging through his somber confession.

“I don’t think I’d do anything,” you reply, trying to lighten the mood just a little. “But… I think the roles are reversed. I don’t deserve you who makes me challenge myself and open up.”

When he peaks up at you through his hair, you can see the ends of a burnt sunset on his cheeks fading away. “You’re saying that as my knight.”

“I’m saying that as the girl who can’t dance but learned how to just for you.”

His bottom lip trembles — you swear you saw it just a little — and then he takes your hand in his, wrapping them together and sharing the warmth despite the cool night enveloping you both. There are no crickets, no frogs, just the lights and the dragonflies lingering around the open spaces you don’t occupy. And with how close the two of you are, there’s more than enough open space for the pairs of dragonflies to take flight and the single ones to find each other.

“Does that mean you do have a crush on me?”

“I thought you said you weren’t dense,” you shoot back.

“I’m not,” he urges. “…But if you say you do then you should prove it.”

Oh no… You feel yourself growing warm in embarrassment, not at all wanting to fill in the blanks for what that could possibly mean. A kiss? A long-winded confession? A sacrifice? All you can think of is how you’re just lucky enough to be in the garden for whatever may come — you don’t want an audience for this. When you danced together and people watched, you were hidden just enough from everyone. But here and now it’s just the two of you and you’ve never felt more insecure around him before.

“How?”

He squeezes your hand reassuringly. “Marry me.”

What now…?

You don’t hide the gasp you let out, your gaze drilling holes into him and unmoving. Like a deer in headlights now, you’re completely at a loss with your ribcage nothing more than a sandbag for your racing heart.

Marriage? Were you that naïve to go to his courting ball without considering the fact that counting leads to marriage? At the same time that it sounds like the obvious procedure, you have more doubts than you’d like to admit. No amount of gulping will assuage the dry itch in your throat and the spit you choked on. And no matter how many times you repeat the words in your head, they’re only ricocheting off the inside of your skull without any sort of understanding.

“I’m joking, I’m joking. We aren’t ready for that.” Noya holds up his hands in innocence, but you see the mischief in his eyes and across his face. If it was payback for your own teasing then he definitely won, but it doesn’t seem fair to kill the competition with untimely jokes and cute smiles, anyway.

“I mean, I could tell everyone you were eager but not ready. Or maybe the other way ar- ow! Okay, no more jokes, I’m sorry!”

“Pretty soon I won’t have anything I want to prove to you,” you chide in a melody, squeezing his hand extra hard once more for good measure. “Hurry up and say what you want so I can pretend this didn’t happen and pretend we did it in a much cooler way.”

“I’d say we did it-”

“Noya.”

He sighs shakily but you see him fall into the cool and collected canvas of the Prince. Perfect for the throne, extraordinary at politics, and certainly a wonderful candidate for a honeysuckle sweet kiss from the girl he’s fallen for.

It probably wasn’t fair for you to lean in while he was gathering his thoughts, but something was pulling you in without regard for your better judgment. Or more accurately, some part of you was pushing yourself toward him, compelling you forward to close the gap inch by inch even as he started speaking again.

“Maybe just kiss me for now, if that’s okay?” He suddenly whispers the words, eyes darting down to your lips with his own instincts pushing him forward as well.

“Anything else, Noya?” You’re one breath away, maybe even a hum away from sealing your lips together, your warmth mixing with his and the grass staining the knees of your pants but you don’t care. You want your lips stained with the feeling of his and your mind stained with the memory until you can replace it with another kiss. The surge of confidence feels like it’s back, but it’s mellower — smooth like satin and wrapping you up until you can pinpoint that you’re just comfortable. Of course, you would be. If not with him, then who else?

His soft fingers meet the side of your neck with his thumb gliding back and forth on your jaw. “And then whatever you want.”

What you want next is the last thing on your mind. The first is melodies, like the music from the ball or the songs you sang growing up, all harmonizing on your senses when your lips meet his for the first time. It’s not frantic — the wind barely sways through the hibiscus leaves and you lean closer as if nudged by Zephryos — nor is it greedy — it ends as fast as it started. But the tingles it leaves across your lips feel like tiny thorn pricks, aching for the pressure to alleviate you once more, and he’s more than happy to oblige.

You let your hands rest on his shoulders with ease, his own cupping your face with featherlight touches as his lips dance with yours in perfect time. This was what you were dearly missing out on, you realize. It dawns on you with a warmth in your chest you know and associate with your longterm friend, like your souls are twirling around that room again except without watchful eyes. Now the medley is one only the two of you could create together, ending with staccato kisses and smiles sprouting on your faces with your foreheads planted against the other.

“Just a crush?” he whispers, searching your eyes for the answer he already has.

“Do you want it to be something more?” You can’t help yourself from brushing your nose against his softly, trying to convey your feelings without him making you say it.

He inhales through his teeth in a thoughtful hiss. “…Yes?”

“Then marry me.”

To be.

{ hq sfw taglist — tell me if you want to be added or taken off: @sckusa​ @ksyy​ @tomatokuen​ @aplexii​ @for-ests​ @tobiosbabie​ @xaichi​ @hq-cuties​ @keuromi​ @noya-senpai-imagines​ @leiasfanaccount648​ @marshyrebelcloud​ @iwaizumi-chan​ @janellion​ @kkoalaworld​ @tomo-uwu​ @samwritesss​ @dyosatalaga​ @dearest-kiyoomi​ @kaithehero​ @dorkyama​ @tsukkiscookies​ @kingkags​ @makkihoe​ @basicallyberry​ @sarcasti-cally​ @yams046​ @atsumunotsangwoo​ @kozumebri​ @differentballooncollection​ @daughter-of-stark​ @chaosamu​ @jemilktea​ @ladyinmoon​​ @kunimwuah​​ @badboysdoitbetter2​​ @richkookie​​ @nyeom-nyeom​ @scrappydaisies​ @edensxgarden​ }

[youralternantpersonality]

Bet

Embry x Reader: Bet

***

Embry’s POV

Y/n/n and I have been dating since sophomore year and we were tight as ever. When she moved to La Push in middle school, I had the biggest crush on her. She made friends instantly and sometime, her friends would point me out if I was looking for too long. I turn away as fast as I could without getting caught. I couldn’t help myself. I looked at her the same way I have always looked at her…amaze, admiration, stars trucked, as if she was a breath of fresh air and clean untouched water by humans.  

She was slightly competitive (not as bad as Paul, but not as lighthearted as Quil) and tended to say “Bet” when she wanted to prove something; if she was angry, sad, in an actual bet, anything really. I remember the first interaction I had with her. Freshman year, there was a party in Forks and a few kids on the Res decided to crash it. Jake, Quil, and I decided to head over, unknowing to me, so did Y/n and her two friends Natahli and Jerilly. And like most parties, there was games—truth or dare, spin the bottle, beer pong, all of that. And of course, Quil and Jake dragged me into spin the bottle. Which is where I run into Y/n. I could see Quil trying to hold back a laugh, and so was Natahli?

Anyways, we sit and play the game. And like some force or universal divine being, she spun the bottle, and it landed on me. I damn nearly shat in my pants when I saw what was happening.

“What’cha waiting for Em! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” Jake started as everyone else followed.

“Let’s make it better! Seven Minutes in Heaven!” Jerilly said out loud. Everyone laughed and agreed. Her friends and mine picked us up and rushed us to the closet nearby. A girl who started the game had a timer and we were pushed in.

“So…”

“So…”

“Look, I know this might be weird-” I said.

“You don’t have to do this if-” She said at the same time. We were silent and looked up at each other. A few seconds later a smile was on her face and by instant reaction, it was on mine. Soon followed by a quiet laugh. It was dark, so I couldn’t see her next move, but I heard her take a deep breath and I felt her closer to me. Instantly, as if it was a natural habit, my hands went to her waist to keep her close to me. Both of our breathing was hard and staggering. Normally, I don’t make assumptions, but this time was different. I wanted to take my shot and branch out from the comfort-zone I am used to.

So, I pulled her closer to where our nose was touching. Her arms wrapped around my neck and when she nodded her head, I kissed her. It was soft yet powerful. She kissed me back instantly and we both smiled. I couldn’t say we were full blown making out, but I can say that we both were a more confident kissing and smiling at one another in the closet. And as if everyone thought we were doing something more, the door sprung open and a flash went off.

“Awe…I thought it was something more.” A random girl said. Y/n laughed and hid her face in my neck. Her friends were screaming in excitement and we all walked out. We stayed a little while longer, watching Quil get his first kiss with some girl named Jessica and Jake playing rock paper scissors with a guy he landed on. Who ever won, got a beer and we had to play bets on one of them. The other guy won and after that, we went home. Y/n and I exchanged numbers and I already asked and planned our first date.

“So…” I said,

“So…” she said with a smile,

“Would you like to go out with me? I mean, I know we just, you know, kiss, but I don’t want you to feel like, you know, bad or like you have to. ‘Cause you don’t! You don’t have to! I would like to, but if you want to, which you can choose not to, we can go out sometime? Maybe?” I said all in one breath. She laughed and just nodded her head.

“Yes Embry, I’d love to go out with you.”

“Holy shit, really?”

“Yes!” she laughed, and I could do nothing but smile, pick her up and swing her around. Her laugh grew and like it was a habit I was used to doing, I kissed her again. She kissed me back.

“You know, a girl can get used to this?”

“Well, just wait until I take you out, then you’ll see what you’re in for.” I said, face-palming myself. “That came out weirder than it sounds in my head. I mean you’ll have fun; I promise.” I said smiling.

“Bet.”  

Now…now everything is different. Everything has changed for the worse. I hate it completely and I want her in my life so badly, but I can’t risk it. I can’t risk losing her physically because of my anger. Emily may have made it out alive, but that doesn’t mean Y/n would if something was to ever happen.

Your POV

I was worried sick about Embry. I had called, texted, and showed up at his doorstep to see what was wrong. His mom was just as worried as I was. She knows that if there was anyone who would know where Embry is or what was wrong with him, it would be me. Or, at least, it should have been.

I’ve been in love with him since middle school. And my insecurities always got the best of me; it was exactly this that scared the shit out of me. I told him my worries one night and, like the amazing boyfriend he is, he reassured me that nothing bad was going to happen.

Well, I think he still is my boyfriend. At this point it has been a month and I received no response. I decided that I was going to make one last attempt (and fully follow through with this this time) to reach out to him and if he doesn’t respond, then we’re done. Just the thought of it made me sick to my stomach and made me want to curl up in my bed and cry for days.

After school I told Natahli and Jerilly that I was going to do my last attempt and like the true best friends they are, they gave me the “bitch, do we look stupid to you” face. They supported me always, but they knew how much it means to me. They understood, they were just pissed (if not more) that Embry was doing this to me. Hell, Jerilly was ready to put her softball practice into motion by knocking his knees—if I wasn’t such a hostile person, I’d be up for the game. But now was not the time to be thinking about that. Now is the time to get answers I deserve.

My nervousness showed and Natahli and Jerilly force volunteered to come with. Me in the passenger’s seat praying that we can work this out and attempting to calm my nerves and not burst into tears. As we were on our way to his house, Natahli sees him with a few of the other guys from school walking out towards the forest. As I watched him, I noticed a big change in him. He was shirtless, grew at least a foot taller, chopped off his hair, and got a fucking tattoo. This is the boy who fucking HATES needles and gets a tattoo after puberty hit him like an 18-wheeler. Without a second thought, Natahli and Jerilly pull over and jump out of the car while I am still frozen solid inside.

“Hey ass hat! Mind telling us why suddenly you can’t acknowledge your girlfriend?!” Natahli screams. It instantly gets mine and their attention. They all turn around and I’m shocked even more. Not sure how he became more beautiful, but hot damn, he succeeded at that. I look over and I see Jerilly brought her bat. I jump out and run up to my psychotic friends confused for a second but that turned into anger as soon as I saw Embry as he rolled his eyes and walked away. Fuck this.

“What the fuck Em!? You want to tell me why you turned on me? Why suddenly your backwards ass decided to just leave?!” I yell. He pauses for a second then replies.

“Go home Y/n. and stop calling me. Stop coming over. Stop all of it.” He says in his calm yet pissed voice that he only ever used when he is extremely pissed. Oh. Hell. No.

“Excuse me!” Jerilly said.

“What the fuck you mean go home! Can I at least know WHY you’re not yourself anymore?! Don’t you think I at least deserve that! After all this time we’ve been together!” I yell at the top of my lungs only a few feet away.

“It doesn’t matter. Go. Home. Now.” He says, only this time he growled at me. Paul Lahote stepped up behind him to block me from him. Jerilly had the bat up to his neck.

“Move son of a bitch or I’m playing softball with your head.” I can feel the tears forming in my eyes and as much as I hate to say it, at this point, I’m begging for him to at least look at me.

“Please Embry! Tell me what’s going on! Did I do something!? Say something!? What the hell did I-”

“I don’t love you anymore!” he says with his back still facing me. For a second, my breath stopped, time came to a halt, and I could feel my heart tearing as my throat being squeezed with maximum pressure.

“Wh-what?” I say in a low voice in disbelief.

“I said, I. Don’t. Love. You. Anymore. Go home Y/n and stay the fuck away from me. No one wants you here,” he says and turns around to look at me, “especially me…” he says. Looking dead into my eyes and all I could do was look back at him. In a quick second, I felt a force, as if someone had pushed me. Where normally I would see a bright future together, in an instant second, all of that crumbled. I was confused, yes. But I was pissed.

Embry’s POV

A lie, I thought to myself. All of this was a lie. I had to lie to the one person that will forever hold my heart. It would kill me to hurt her physically and, as shady as this is, if she wasn’t my imprint. I couldn’t risk it; I couldn’t take that chance. If I was to find my imprint while with her, it would kill me even more. I just couldn’t do it. So instead, I lied.

“I don’t love you anymore!” I roared at her. Trying to keep my composure. Although I was the most “sensitive” of the pack, I had the most control of my shifting—faster than the other guys; even Sam.

“Wh-what?” her voice cracked; I could smell saltwater—her tears. This killed me every second, but it was a risk I needed to take. I look up at Sam and he can see the pain on my face as I tried my best to keep my composure and voice from failing me. Apparently, I succeeded…unfortunately.

“I said, I. Don’t. Love. You. Anymore. Go home Y/n and stay the fuck away from me. No one wants you here,” I tell her as I turn around to face her, “especially me…” I finish my sentence off, but regret everything that millisecond afterwards. I looked dead into her eyes and was hit like a wrecking ball. I saw a vision and an explosion of love, happiness, and eternity with this woman. My heart skipped a beat and I felt just as complete, if not more, with her than I did before.

But before I could respond. Before I could even enjoy this feeling. Before I could even acknowledge the fact that she was my imprint, she hit me with reality quickly. Her face said it all. All the pain, tears, agony disappeared, and hate, hurt, and disappointment took its place. I fucked up. Because the last thing she said to me that day, was the day I knew if I don’t win her back it would literally be life or death with me. That day was the day that I have ever felt deep pain, the day I knew I lost my eternity. The day I lost Y/n.

“Bet.” It was then I knew, I would have to work hard to win her back. I wanted to chase after her, but I was stuck and in shock. I could feel the eyes of the pack watching me watch her and her friends walk away from me. When I snapped out of it, I tried running to her, but was stopped by Paul and Sam. I screwed up, but somehow, I was going to fix it.

And I was willing to bet on that.

[amethystshipper]

I was scrolling through my dash, as one does, and saw .gifs of the scene where the juniors are defending WWX to Sect leader Yao, and I was just smiling and thinking “ah, the kids are all right this time, it will be better”. And then I realized that ... the kids were all right the previous generation, too? And it would have been so easy to see them band together, especially after everything?

Hear me out. In essence, there’s no difference between the juniors and the ... OG juniors. (We need a name for them. Is there a name for that generation??? Cause we have the parents, and we have the juniors, what are WWX&co named??? Whatever, I’m sticking with OG juniors.) Each of these groups went through shitty situations, the OGs arguably through worse with the war and all. But before the war, we have 2 major bonding moments: the Cloud Recesses classes, and the Wen indoctrination. What if they actually bonded together, and their relationships were more flushed out? (Keep in mind I only saw the live-action drama, so that’s what I’m basing everything on.)

So, Cloud Recesses. You have the Jiangs, and then NSH, LWJ, WN and WQ added to the group, more or less willingly. JZX is still being a little bitch, but whatever, he’s there too, along with MianMian, who is arguably his biggest contribution. I will admit, there are ... levels ... of closeness. But you have the three gremlins getting together, and LWJ pulled in (again, levels), you have star-struck WN and tough WQ (who, need I remind you, took care of JYL at least once, which I bet the latter will not forget). You have LQR spitting blood because the boy is definitely his mother’s son, but LXC smiling indulgently, seeing his little brother finally make friends. (And LQR will remember that CSR was mischief made human form, and her son definitely follows in her footsteps, but both of them wanted always to help and not destroy, so there is definitely something wrong with the accusations that WWX wants to take over the world. And LXC will remember the Wen boy who stayed behind to save one of their own, and the Wei boy who dived in to help them both, and will not believe the grim tales of the fierce Ghost General and the Yiling Patriarch.)

After CR, WWX/LWJ/JC/NHS have their little murder adventure, with a WQ cameo.  LWJ is added to the gremlin dynamic and sure, he might not feel like he fits in at first, but WWX cannot seem to stay away from him, and he suffers in silence with JC while WWX is being an idiot and risking his life, omg, stop that, get down you demented cat, and then finds that there’s a certain bond little brothers with big brothers larger-than-life have, and maybe having two more friends is. Acceptable. They’re all supposed to be 15-16 at this point, teenage boys that started this adventure fully confident, at least on the outside. And then Xue Yang happens. And this is, I think, one of the biggest turning point for these four. Because, to a certain degree, all of them rely on rules. Their own, if nothing else. And here is a guy who just ... wants to see the world burn. He kills with no remorse, admits it gleefully, and is just awful in so many ways. This is their first brush with how brutal the outside world is, when they start to doubt themselves and their convictions. But then! XXC and SL appear, and it’s a breath of fresh air! Because there are terrible people and worse situations, but as long as they hold fast in their beliefs and work together and trust eachother, they can beat them!

So they go to the Unclean Realm, and they meet Daddy NMJ. And he’s been watching them approach, and he sees his little brother laughing with the boy in black, he sees him cackling while the one in purple is swinging his fists around; he sees him share a smile with Xichen’s little brother while the other two are laughing so hard they’re bent over so far they’re almost falling to the ground. And he doesn’t show it, because the Red Blade Master is gruff, and tough, and mighty, but in his heart he’s already adopted these kids who include his baby brother in their circle with so much ease, it’s hard to imagine him on the outside. (And in the future, when people are yelling about WWX’s darkness, this is the image he will have in his head: four boys being innocent and happy and his, how dare you try to touch them?!)

Cloud Recesses burns. LXC is nowhere. And then. The biggest paradigm shift - the indoctrination. Everyone arrives in Nightless City. The three OG gremlins watch LWJ back to his jade statue default, they lose their swords, they are on the same side with JZX and WWX/JC don’t know which one of these frustrates them more. It should be the looming war. It’s probably the JZX part. Now, I assume they spend at least a few weeks there, I don’t remember if it’s mentioned. But WWX always tried to get in front, to catch WC’s attention. (Because he’s the disposable one, right? High enough in status that WC is satisfied when he gets to punish him, but not a sect heir, not someone who will bring down a whole sect if he dies. Little does he know.) So don’t tell me that the others don’t rally around him. (Discreetly of course. They learn fast that he just gets more protective if others are hurt because of him.) There’s nothing stronger than a common enemy, and the Wens and WC, specifically, are definitely that. So they watch, and they remember WWX being beaten, whipped, humiliated, all so that others will not be. Not to mention that one night that he doesn’t tell even JC about, because it would crush his little brother to know he couldn’t keep his promise. They remember him staying behind so that they have a chance to escape the murder turtle. (And after the war, when the adults will try to damn WWX for being too arrogant and too prideful, the OG juniors will remember the kid who stood up to the Wen clan and has the scars to prove it, and all to protect them. Where was Jin Guangshan? Where was Sect leader Yao?)

Lotus pier burns. WWX disappears. JC and LWJ look for him for 3 months. And then. And then he comes back. And he burns the Sun to the ground, using dark cultivation and corpses and no sword, and everything that they were taught not to do, ever. And he succeeds where everyone else fails.

Afterwards, when the dust settles but not really, when life comes back to normal but not quite, when things become too boring apparently, the young ones see their elders muttering. And gossip. And look a bit too much at WWX, too closely. But this was a generation forged in the fires of war. They were not like their parents, who had time to figure out their shit and then go to battle, no. They were kids when it all started. There are no more kids amongst them now.

So when the minor sect leaders, subtly encouraged by JGS and JGY, talk about the “young” LC being a leader at such a young age with honeyed words that hide rot, NMJ and LXC rise to his defense. Both of them became sect leaders at young ages, both of them know how hard it is. LQR rises as well and the older ones expect him to be on their side, but they forget LQR got entrusted with a clan and 2 children that he was not supposed to have, so he will never demean another who was in an even worse position, but rose to the occasion despite everything that happened. The Lans promote knowledge and learning above all, and many people can learn a lot from Sandu Shengshou, wouldn’t you agree Sect leader Yao?

When the Jin sect complains about the Stygian Tiger Seal, rumors begin to spread from behind hand painted fans that they are after the artifacts of other sects. After all, does WWX not belong to YungmengJiang? Therefore, do his creations not belong to the sect as well? Who’s to say they won’t go after the treasures of the other sects next?

When JYL destroys Jin Zixun at Phoenix Mountain, JZX steps up to the plate and stands behind his fiancee. WWX is obviously her little brother that she cares deeply about, he will be his future brother-in-law, and honestly Zixun where were you even during the war?? You have demands now because?? Go shoot some arrows and chill. (JC is just standing there with crossed arms, looking at Jin Zixun without blinking, keeping a tight grip over Zidian who is the definition of  “lemme at him!!!” Jiejie doesn’t like it when he slices and dices people, although she’s not leaving much for him to chew on. It’s the most fun he’s had in years.)

When JGY sweetly suggest that there might be a viper poised to strike them in the back, NHS innocently asks “but San-Ge, didn’t your blow to WRH’s back help us win the war?” (NMJ has never loved his brother more than when he roasts JGY. Really, he could cry with pride. Here, A-Sang, there’s that fan you wanted. I ordered new birdcages to be build back home, you can have all the birds you want. Training is ... postponed.)

When news about the labor camps and the slaughtered Wens are revealed, many stay silent. A few of them cheer. But there are also a few that remember a boy willing to save someone from drowning, willing to risk his life to save the dead bodies of two parents. They remember the best doctor of their generation helping them heal, and rest, and save their loved ones. They remember that they are not the only children who were taken by this war, that they were not the only ones forced to make awful choices that haunt their dreams. They remember that it’s easy to stand back, but yet there was always one who stood up for the others, who would stand up for them, so how can they not stand with him now when he most need it?

WWX is not alone. The YungmengJiang clan is not alone. These kids went through hell and back in the past couple of years, and they will be damned if they will let another rise in WRH’s place. This ends now.

[dingdonghun]

Much Needed "Us" Time

Genre: Fluff (as usual)

Characters: Hyunwoo, the others, y/n

Word count: 10,697 characters

It has been a long time since I've been motivated to write, yeah?? I did this all on mobile at work lmao why am I like this? Motivation comes at weird times.

Summary: Your fiance is Hyunwoo, better known as Shownu, and he has been away on a world tour for what feels like forever. Meanwhile you've been dealing with stressful deadlines and nonstop work. Life is stressful, difficult and exhausting, but you have something that never fails to make all of those worries melt away.

It had been a long, grueling couple of weeks. Sleep was hard to come by, paperwork seemed to be in the masses. The days were long and the nights seemed longer. It has been weeks since you had last seen your fiance, Hyunwoo. He video called you when he could, but that just wasn't enough on the harder days. The good news, however, is that Hyunwoo is coming home tomorrow! The excitement made it way too difficult to focus on the paperwork in front of you.

Your boss seemed to be taking advantage of your timid nature, because he kept giving you high piles of work with short deadlines and it finally seemed to be getting to you as you sat at your desk, staring down at the project you had been working on for the past four hours. Though your eyes were looking at the words, your brain was so exhausted that it refused to take in any information. With a heavy sigh, you leaned back in your chair. Alright, fine, I forfeit. Your eyes shifted to the clock on the desk.

Oh, crap! 3:00 AM?

You promised Hyunwoo that you would stop doing this, but there was only so much time in a day, and if you didn't get it all done by the deadline, you risked your job. You refused to rely on Hyunwoo or either of your families. You wanted to prove yourself to his parents.

Glancing at the window, you stared at the stars in the sky, your cheek resting in your hand as you propped yourself up at your desk. The last thing that went through your mind before you inevitably passed out in your chair was how beautiful the night sky was tonight, and you wondered if Hyunwoo was thinking the same thing, too.

"YYYY/NNNN!"

A loud deep voice yelled from the entrance of the apartment, followed by many other voices chatting and laughing together, startling you from your sleeping position on the table. As you turned to look at the doorway, you immediately noticed the entirety of Monsta X coming towards you. Unfortunately, it was painfully obvious that you had slept there, based on your messed up hair, exhausted expression and your last work sheet, stuck right to your forehead thanks to the aid of hours of pressure as well as sweat from sleep.

Jooheon was the first member to enter the room, your best friend since high school! He was the one who introduced you to Hyunwoo and the others after he debuted.

An enormous smile spread across his lips, his dimples prominent, farther expressing the joy he felt, finally being able to see his best friend again. "Y/N!!!" He paused mid-stride once he finally noticed the paper stuck to your forehead, then proceeding to burst into laughter.

Much faster than you, he pulled out his phone and snapped a picture of your confused face as the paper remained fastened to your forehead.

"Joo, hey! Stop it!!"

You jumped up and tried to grab your best friend's phone, but he held it out of reach and laughed at your attempts to jump up and snatch it.

In the middle of your struggle, another voice piped up among they laughter.

"Jooheon stop teasing her!"

It was Wonho. He was always so protective of you, like a little sister, despite not knowing you for very long. You always thought maybe he just felt responsible for you since the two of you had so much in common and you got along so well.

Wonho playfully hit Jooheon before turning and giving you his famous bright smile. He reached up and pulled the paper from your face right before pulling you into a tight hug.

"It's so good to see you again, y/n! We all missed you so we came with Hyunwoo to visit!"

Before you could respond, Jooheon pulled Wonho away and wrapped you up in a hug as well.

"Hey, she's MY best friend, don't interrupt!"

Once again you were interrupted before you could reply, tugged away from Jooheon by Changkyun and Minhyuk. They both squeezed you between them in a tight hug, talking over each other.

"Hyung, you're hugging her too tight, she's not a guy!"

"YAH, she can handle it, you underestimate her!"

"Do not!"

"Don't yell at me, punk!"

While the two were distracted with their playful bickering, Hyungwon pulled you from their grasp and hugged you in a gentle and silent embrace.

With a big smile, you hugged him in return. His presence was always calming to you.

"We are happy to see you again, y/n, its been so long."

"It has--"

You were interrupted once again by Kihyun tugging you away gently, hugging you to himself.

"Y/n, are you okay? Did those two annoy you? Wonho didn't bruise you did he? Ugh, these boys."

With a laugh, you reassured him that not only were you not annoyed or hurt, but incredibly excited to see them all. You hadn't expected ALL of them to come to the apartment, just your fiance.

Where is Hyunwoo??

Before you could seek him out, you felt Wonho tug you from Kihyun, quickly followed by Jooheon trying to get you back from both of them.

"I would never hurt y/n! I am very gentle with her, you know!"

"Ahh, hey, why are you all tugging her around like a rag doll?!" Jooheon growled in a pouting tone.

Just then, you felt two strong warm arms curl around your shoulders from behind, gently prying you from all of the members' grips and back against his chest.

Tilting your head back, you looked up to see Hyunwoo smiling down at you silently, before placing a soft kiss to the red spot on your forehead, which had formed due to sleeping on it for hours. Immediately you felt butterflies fluttering in your stomach, just like they always did when you saw him. Your lips curled up into the biggest smile, which your fiance constantly stated was just like the sun.

He must have been hanging back to let all of the other members greet you first. He had always been so kind and patient with everyone, especially the members.

The majority of the others pouted, most audibly being Jooheon, of course.

"Ahh Hyung, no fair, we missed her too!"

Hyunwoo simply chuckled before walking you out of the room clumsily, arms still wrapped around you from behind. Since he refused to let you go, it looked more like two penguins waddling away. Admittedly, it was kind of cute.

"You guys go pick out a movie to watch, alright? I need to catch up with y/n for a while."

That was all it took before all of the members ran off to go argue over the genre of movie.

Once Hyunwoo sat down on the bed, he spun you around on his lap to face him, his arms resting loosely around your hips.

"You slept on the desk again."

You winced. Should have known that was coming...

You frowned up at him, trying to pout your way out of a lecture, but to no avail. He simply raised a brow at you.

"Awe Hyun.. I don't know how else to get my work done by the deadline, what if they fire me?"

"You need to stand up for yourself. You're killing yourself at this rate. Your body can't handle all of this work and sleepless nights."

You sighed. He was right, and you knew it. You were just scared of the possible consequences.

Hyunwoo's fingers gently tilted your chin up, his eyes meeting yours.

"Y/n... You know if anything happens, we can get through it together. I won't let anything bad happen. We are in this together. You promised me you'd take care of yourself."

With a nod and a quiet whine, you thumped your forehead against his chest.

"You're right, I'm sorry... I will talk to my boss about it... I'm sorry I always worry you. I'm worried about you, too, you know."

You always tell him this, so he is more than used to it by now, simply responding with a grin.

"I know. I will take care of myself if you take care of yourself."

You wrinkled your nose, a playful display of distaste due to his tactful manipulation. "...okay, fine, deal--"

Before you could finish your sentence, Hyunwoo's arms were around your waist and tugging you against his chest, his lips crashing against yours with a sense of urgency. He was a patient man, but everyone has their breaking point, and he couldn't hold it anymore.

"I missed you so, so much." He whispered against your lips, not giving you time to reply before pressing them back to yours once more.

His lips were so soft, just like always. You felt at home in his arms, and tilted your head to the side to deepen the kiss. Hyunwoo raised his hand up to brush your hair behind your ear with the most gentle movement, then settling on you cheek as his other arm tugged you as close as you could be.

You chuckled gently against his lips, which both of you knew was a cover for how flustered you had become. "Hyun, maybe we should wait until the other members aren't literally in the other room?"

He shook his head, resting his forehead against yours while looking into your eyes, his hand not once leaving your cheek.

"So? Its our apartment. We can do what we want."

"Hyun- oh my god--" your laughter was interrupted by the sound of the door swinging open. Jooheon was there, making a disgusted expression at the two of you.

"Ahh Hyung, you couldn't just wait? Stop sucking face and come to the living room, we picked out a movie!"

You groaned in embarrassment and hid your face against your fiance's neck. You could practically feel his dumb grin.

"Alright, we are coming. What did you pick out?"

Just then, there was a shout that clearly belonged to Minhyuk, coming from the living room.

"THE LION KING, WOOHOO!"

The both of you laughed before Hyunwoo picked you up with his arms around your stomach, your back to his chest now, and carried you out into the living room. He was significantly taller than you, so you kind of just dangled there in the air as he held you. An embarrassed groan left your lips as the other members laughed at your misfortune, which they prefer to label "cute".

Once in the living room and finally released from your fiance's grip for the first time since he got a hold of you, you ran to heat up the hand made honey and bbq chicken wings you made for him the day before.

You didn't expect all of the other members, but you made plenty to share, knowing how big of an appetite Hyunwoo had, and carried the huge bowl into the living room, much to the excitement of everyone there.

Once everyone settled down and got ready for the movie, after arguing over who you'd sit next to (Hyunwoo's lap was of course the winner of that discourse), Kihyun turned on the movie and Changkyun turned off the lights. Once you settled back into Hyunwoo's chest, his arms protectively wrapped around you. You opted to feed him the chicken so that he didn't have to let you go, which of course was (mostly) his idea. Nobody will hear any complaints though.

The worries and stress from the weeks upon weeks of deadlines and excessive work melted away the moment everyone had come and woken you up, and it hasn't even crossed your mind since then. They were all like your family. You couldn't ask for a better one, and even if you had, it probably wouldn't exist.

To the surprise of no one, you fell asleep in Hyunwoo's arms only 20 minutes into the movie.

[snappedsky]

Fanatics Adventures in Space Part 7

The Resisty arrives at Irk. Previous! Next!

--

Arrival

           Lard Nar sits in his command chair, focusing intently on his fingers tapping against the arm so he doesn’t have to look at the screen. But he can’t avoid it forever and one of his navigators gets his attention.

           “Uh, sir? We’ll be arriving at Irk in less than an hour,” she says.

           “Right,” Nar sighs, “okay, I’ll be back. Prepare to dock us outside Irk’s orbit.”

           His officers nod as he hops off the seat and marches away. He hurries through the halls of the Resisty ship down to the training room. As he enters the corridor, he can hear sounds of battle: weapons clanging, lasers firing, and metal tearing.

           Kio is standing outside the training room, watching the show safely through a window with Gir, Minimoose, and Skoodge. She smiles as Nar approaches.

           “We’ll be at Irk soon,” he grunts.

           “Excellent,” she chimes.

           Nar glowers. “Have I told you how crazy this is?”

           “Many times.”

           “Because it’s crazy.”            “So you’ve said.”            “You’re planning to sneak onto the most dangerous planet in the galaxy to save the most dangerous species from the most dangerous rebel group,” Nar rants, “with a bunch of wannabe soldiers!”

           “They’re not soldiers, Nar,” Kio says, “they’re warriors. And for the last six months, they’ve been honing their skills to match up against Carcas’ crew and any Irkens who get in our way. Watch.”

           Nar sighs and looks through the window. The floor of the training room is littered with pieces of busted Battle Bots and the Battalion is busy fighting more.

           Kio points at Squee, who is constantly disappearing into a blur with the help of his rocket wheelies and shutting down bots with one or two slices of his knives. “Squee. Agile and deadly, each of his attacks has the intent to kill. He defeats his opponents before they even know what hit them.”          

           Gaz swings around her large Warhammer of Swine, smashing the bots to pieces. One good swing renders them weaponless before she utterly destroys them. “Gaz. Destructive and unstoppable, nothing can stand against her and her hammer. She can give her opponents a good fight before destroying them.”            Dib switches between blasting and punching the bots with his power glove. He dodges their attacks before striking back and defeats them with a single, well-placed shot. “Dib. Brilliant and strong, he can adapt to any battle situation. He reads his opponents movements to find the best way to win.”

           Finally, Pepito swings his black spear around, slicing through bots like butter. And when he wants to spice things up, he unleashes a wave of black energy, blasting them to pieces. “Pepito. Pure, unadulterated power, he could destroy whole armies. That is, if he doesn’t toy with his opponents first.”            Nar nods reluctantly. “Fine, they’re well-trained. What about those three?” He nods towards Johnny, Devi, and Tenna who are sitting on the floor on the far end of the room, away from the action.

           “They’re wild cards,” Kio replies, “I don’t know what they might do and I’m not sure they do either.”            Nar sighs. “You really believe in them, huh?”

           Kio smiles. “I do.”            He sighs again and rubs his horn. “Fine. Then…I’ll believe in you.”            “You always have.”            Nar smiles weakly before turning away. “I’ll see you in the control room.”            Kio watches him walk away before turning back to window. She pushes a button on the console before her, activating an intercom.

           “Guys, we’re gonna be arriving to Irk soon,” she says, “you better get ready.”

           “For real?” Pepito exclaims in disbelief as they start leaving the room.

           “Has it been six months already?” Gaz asks.

           Dib takes a deep breath as he deactivates his power glove, turning it into a bracelet. “Show time.”

           Everyone follows Kio through the ship to her lab. She grabs a metal chest from off a shelf and places it on a table. When she opens it, she reveals four neatly folded suits displaying the Battalion’s crest on the back.

           “I finished everyone’s customizations a while ago,” she explains, “but I wanted to hold onto them for this moment.”            She hands the kids their suits, each one glowing a different colour: Squee, purple; Gaz, teal; Dib, blue; Pepito, red.

           “Go ahead and change,” Kio says, “and we’ll go to the command room to go over our plan.”

           Everyone quickly changes and examines their new suits. What was before simple body suits with different colours are now completely customized to everyone’s specifications.

           Squee has gotten horizontal stripes going across his sleeves along with short black gloves and a belt with back holsters for his knives. Gaz has gotten a strap to hang across her chest with a latch on the back that hooks onto her hammer, as well as a big pair of boots and added fabric around the waist to resemble a skirt. Dib also got boots and a belt with multiple pouches for holding supplies as well as added fabric around his wrists and hanging down from his back to resemble his trench coat. Finally, Pepito’s new boots are slim and knee high but the biggest addition was a hole in the back of his suit showing off his shoulder blades.    

           “That hole is covered by an expandable vacuum bubble,” Kio explains, “so when you release your wings, the bubble will cover them entirely and you won’t be exposed.”

           “Sweet,” Pepito grins, “and we look damn good.”

           Kio smiles, happy that everyone approves of their suits.

           Added onto Squee’s belt is an extra strap which he wraps around Shmee’s chest. “How’s that feel?”

           “Not bad,” Shmee replies, “it’s a good seat to watch everything anyway.”            Once everyone is ready, they head to the command room. All of the Resisty members are unsettled, muttering to each other and glancing at a planet being shown on the display. It’s busy, surrounded by satellites and ships coming and going. It’s completely gray with dark clouds drifting over certain areas.

           “Irk,” Kio grunts darkly.              

           “Wow,” Dib breathes while the others stare in awe.

           “Alright,” Kio says, facing everyone. “Here’s the plan. Fairly simple: we find Zim and get him back up here. Then we’ll come up with a plan for Carcas. But finding Zim is our first priority.”

           “And how do we do that?” Gaz asks.

           She detaches a small device with a screen from her belt. “Gir has a tracking system implanted in him so Zim can summon him whenever he wants and Gir can find him right away. I made a device that hones in on that tracking frequency in Zim’s PAK. It’ll lead us right to him.”            She puts the device back on her belt and grabs a small box from within her lab coat. Inside look like four ear devices.            

           “We’ll use these to remain in constant contact with each other,” Kio explains as she hands them out.            “Finally.” She grabs a slightly bigger case from her coat. Inside are four circular devices with large buttons in the middle. “These are cloaking disguises. You’ll recognize this technology from Tak. These ones are designed to make us look like Irkens. This is how we’ll move through Irk undetected. Attach them somewhere on your person and press the button.”

           Everyone grabs one and puts them on their belts before pushing the buttons. A light shimmers over each of them before they seemingly shrink down.                     “Whoa, cool!” Tenna exclaims while Devi and Johnny blink with bewilderment.

           The kids all look like Irkens, barely three feet tall and dressed in simple soldier uniforms. They look at each other and themselves with surprise.

           “Whoa, this is…” Squee mutters as he clenches and unclenches his hands, now with four fingers. “Trippy.”

           Nny kneels in front of him, grinning. “It’s kind of cute.”    

           He starts to wave his hand over Irken!Squee’s head, but knocks into humans!Squee’s chest. A light shimmers around him, revealing his real form for a second.

           “Careful,” Kio warns, “the hologram merely makes you look like an Irken. You will move like an Irken and see from an Irken’s point of view but you still retain your actual height. Any interference with the hologram may cause it to fail. So watch your heads.”

           “Noted,” Dib says as he tries to touch his antennae but bumps into his real stomach.

           “This is very impressive,” Skoodge comments, “so how are we getting down there?”            “You’ll be staying here, Skoodge,” Kio states, “along with Gir and Minimoose and Devi, Tenna, and Johnny. Your face is known on Irk, and we can’t risk drawing any attention to ourselves.”            “Are you saying we’d draw attention?” Johnny asks.

           “I mean, to honest, that’s fair,” Devi shrugs.

           “But to answer your question, Skoodge,” Kio says, “we’ll be taking an escape shuttle down to the surface. We’ll use the same shuttle to come back after we’ve found Zim.”            “Now then.” She activates her own cloaking disguise, portraying herself as an Irken. “Everyone ready?”

           “Yes,” the Battalion replies.        

           “Then let’s go,” Kio orders and leads the way to the escape shuttles in the side of the room.

           “We will remain in constant contact so keep us updated,” Lard Nar demands.

           “I promise,” Kio calls back as they climb into a shuttle. Everyone waves and wishes them good luck as the door closes.

           “Brace yourselves,” Kio warns as she activates the shuttle. It detaches from the ship and shoots off, straight for Irk.

[shotfromguns]

Overall, I think Avengers: Endgame was... about as good as we were going to get, given who was involved in making the film and what had already been established (or had failed to be established) in previous films. It was for sure massively better than Age of Ultron and a noticeable improvement over Infinity War. But there were still plenty of flaws (including things they easily could have fixed) and a few things that outright frustrated the hell out of me. 

My thoughts on Endgame follow under the cut. There will obviously be spoilers. This is for @pantsvaporation, but anybody else is welcome to read/comment/etc. as well.

I was pleasantly surprised that there was a minimum of obvious “actors swinging at CG enemies that hadn’t even slightly been described to them.” And while there were definitely places the film could have been tightened up, I had been expecting the three hours to feel noticeably slack, whereas the plot never seemed to me to drag at all. In retrospect, maybe I should have been less surprised by that, given that it was directed by Russos, who were also responsible for CA:TWS, which remains the most perfectly paced action movie I’ve ever seen.

Given the length of the film, however, I am fucking furious that the only (and MCU first-ever) LGBT “representation” we got was one of the Russos as a nameless extra in Steve’s support group who was framed as a mlm through the pronouns of who he was on a date with. 181 fucking minutes, and you couldn’t find room for less than 60 seconds to show us Valkyrie with a girlfriend? Carole Danvers got that amazing (as my girlfriend often describes my current look) ‘90s dyke aesthetic after the time skip, but she couldn’t have a wife? And, of course, anybody and everybody else was given a Big Case of the Not Gays, including and especially the male characters people have enthusiastically been shipping with each other due to the historical nigh-complete dearth of women in the MCU films (Tony, Steve, Sam, Bucky... and I will have more to say about Steve).

I did cry a few times, especially towards the end, which I honestly hadn’t expected to. But it all felt very... emotionally manipulative? For example, I didn’t cry at Tony dying, per se. I did cry at Pepper reacting to his death, his daughter, Happy, etc. It felt like they sort of realized that by this point Tony had become extremely unsympathetic and that they’d probably overly telegraphed that he was going to die, so they needed to make us sad about it by ensuring we were thinking about how other characters would feel about his death, versus how we ourselves felt about it.

And we sure did get a whoooooooooole lotta time to show the audience how sad everyone felt about Tony to ensure we did, too. But there was (a) very little for Natasha, who died in this film saving the universe even more tragically than Tony did, given that she didn’t even know her sacrifice would work to get the Soul Stone, let alone whether the rest of the plan would work even if she did; and (b) almost none for the characters who died in Infinity War and didn’t get a Comic Book Death resurrection through Bruce snapping or past!Nebula breaking literally the entire premise of the film (more on that in a bit). The Vision got a two-second reference, not even by name. Loki got just a flash of a cameo, with Thor not bringing him up once that I can recall, being completely focused on their mother even in a time when they were both still alive. Heimdall didn’t even get that much, nor was he even referenced; nor were any of the Wakandans who died so that Scarlet Witch didn’t have to lose her creepy robo-boyfriend (which, whoops, she did anyway). Regardless of how obnoxious some of these character and/or their fans may have been, they still very much should have mattered to the other characters, who should have been mourning them just as much as they were mourning Tony. And yeah, sure, anybody who didn’t get Thanos’d had had five years to mourn the ones who died in Infinity War, but (a) to anybody who’d just been brought back, they were still freshly dead, and (b) even the people who were around for those five years are probably dealing with that grief all over again, not least of which because they had the others who died then returned to them, and because not everybody (especially not Thor) had even properly gone through the whole grief process in the first place.

On the topic of Thor, boyyyyyyy howdy was it frustrating how thoroughly Endgame finished off the way that Infinity War had started cutting the entire legs of his Ragnarok character development out from under him. If it weren’t for the momentary appearance of a handful of characters from Ragnarok, the movie literally might as well not have happened: Thor no longer cares about being a leader for his people, he’s back to leaning on weapons instead of relying on himself, and he seems to have completely forgotten Loki after having finally reconciled with him. And making Thor fat as a joke was not only fatphobic and unfunny but really undercut the narrative’s ability to make the viewer take his trauma seriously, because of a continuously competing tension between “you’re supposed to laugh at how he looks” and “how he looks is supposed to make you sad” that was never really resolved. There was no “you’re laughing at this, but then you realize what it actually means, and you feel like an ass for having laughed.” It was clearly set up to be, “you’re laughing at this, but then you realize what it means, and you feel a little sad, but don’t worry, there will be plenty of more times when ‘Thor is fat now’ is a punchline.”

As for the film’s humor as a whole, while there were some genuinely funny moments that were well positioned in the narrative, the movie overall felt like it frequently ran into the same problem as Star Wars: The Last Jedi, where the writers were so desperate to have characters constantly quipping that they constantly undercut their own poignant moments.

Probably the biggest actual plot hole is, unsurprisingly, the time travel. They initially did an... okay job of justifying why the characters couldn’t just change the past (though it wasn’t until Bruce got to have his chat with Mx. Yellowface that it actually got in any way coherently explained). But after they did all that work of establishing that they couldn’t just change the past, for capital-R Reasons...

They did uhhhhhhh a whole fucking lot of changing the past. A few of these things could be at least fanwanked away. Maybe past!Steve forgets future!Steve telling him Bucky’s alive because he got knocked unconscious immediately afterwards. Maybe Tony’s chat with his dad had always happened. Maybe Steve had always spent decades with Peggy. But there is no way Sitwell et al. wouldn’t remember Steve pretending to be a member of Hydra, which would significantly alter the events of The Winter Soldier if they weren’t smart enough or lucky enough to verify that Steve wasn’t also a mole and therefore realize he was an “imposter” before one of those Hydra sleeper said something to past!Steve to make him suspicious. And Loki grabbing the loose Tesseract and poofing is a massive change in the timeline.

Their enemies did a whooooooole lot of changing the past when past!Nebula brought past!Thanos and The Gang through to the future, including effectively permanently restoring Gamora, i.e., someone who’d been “irreversibly” sacrificed to obtain the Soul Stone.

Once these things happened, there was literally nothing to explain why (a) the future!Avengers couldn’t at least bring back Heimdall, Loki, all those Wakandans, the Vision, Natasha, and Tony by pulling them from earlier points in the timestream, and (b) why the future!Avengers couldn’t just take their set of Infinity Stones to a point before all of this shit happened and prevent it from ever having happened. Which isn’t to say the writers couldn’t have cooked up some sort of internally consistent explanation, e.g., “this Gamora is basically stolen from the other timeline, which still exists on its own independent axis, and the Avengers wouldn’t kidnap their friends out of another timeline and leave that version of themselves without the person they want to restore just to have that person here.” But they didn’t bother, which presumably means no one involved in making the film even noticed the utter inconsistency.

Speaking of utter inconsistency... Steve. Steven fucking Rogers. Hooooooooboy. That ending was the biggest, stupidest, cheapest piece of schlock I’ve seen in a movie for a long fucking time. Let’s leave aside the fact that he chose to leave behind two perfectly good boyfriends and the fact that he barely said boo to Bucky, despite the film having reminded us how important Bucky was to him by having his name literally be the thing that so shocked past!Steve that future!Steve was able to beat him. You’re seriously telling me that Steve was still pining soooooooo badly for Peggy that he would literally risk the entire timeline so they could have their Hetero Happily Ever After? (Bucky, Sam, Tony, Angie: I’m so sorry, bbys.)

Yeah, sure, Peggy and Steve being parted was sad when it happened. But they’d been colleagues for a handful of years, then maybe sorta friends, and then kissed once, in a speeding car, just after they finally admitted they’d both been crushing on each other pretty hard the whole time because they were on the way to possibly both die. That is not “the love of your life” who you spend the rest of time sighing over. That’s, like, the guy I casually dated for a bit over a month in 2011 because, while we hit it off amazingly well, I didn’t want to get serious when he’d be moving in about a year once his postdoc was done, who sure enough moved to the east coast a year later and then abruptly died of a heart attack a few years after that. Is it tragic that he’s dead? Absolutely. Have I sometimes thought, “Gosh, I wonder what could have been”? Sure. Did I decide that I would never ever again date or even look at anyone else, because he was the only person for me in all of space and time? Lmaoooooo no. I am, in fact, deliriously happy with my current girlfriend, who I also happen to think is way better for me than he ever could have been.

It was already established that Peggy got married in the original timeline (in CA:TWS, Steve watches some footage in which she mentions that during the war he’d saved the man she eventually married). This means that either (a) Steve supplanted her original husband, which is pretty gross, especially if he didn’t tell Peggy “oh hey btw you originally married this other guy, wanna go check him out first,” or (b) Steve was Peggy’s husband all along, and she just obfuscated that. Either way, in the timeline we end up with, somehow for 50+ years this incredibly well-known woman and sometime Director of SHIELD was married to a man she kept absolutely secret and hidden, which somehow no one ever discovered the secret of or even ever commented on, apparently. It also means that, when Steve showed up on her doorstep, both of them agreed that (a) it was more important for them to play house than for Steve to ever openly use his abilities again and (b) Steve would sit on his ass and twiddle his thumbs through every major crisis he knows is coming over the next half-century. If the MCU serum slowed Steve’s aging the way the comic serum did, this might be slightly understandable, because they could justify it as, “Well, Steve will go back to adventuring after he closes the loop with his original timeline, and this will basically be an extended vacation.” But Steve did age (and they presumably had no expectation that he would not), meaning that he wasted decades of active time at most acting secretly and anonymously from the shadows. You really think that these two incredibly dedicated and driven heroes would both agree to that? Sure, I could absolutely believe they’d take the opportunity to finally get that dance. But there’s no way that Peggy wouldn’t have booted Steve’s ass out of bed and back to the 21st century, and it’s highly unlikely Steve himself would have so much as seriously considered staying for more than a more leisurely farewell and proper closure.

Steve’s Hetero Happily Ever After also further complicates the issue of that time travel plot hole I mentioned. If the stones were plucked from one or more divergent timelines (or changes made while grabbing the stones then caused the creation of divergent timelines at those points)... how did aging!Steve end up staying in the same timeline as the rest of the future!Avengers? It seems like it should be impossible for all these things to be simultaneously true, which means either I’m missing something huge or at least one of them is a huge fuck-up in terms of the plot’s internal consistency. EITHER the changes to the past happened in (or spawned) one or more divergent timelines, which is why, e.g., Gamora could be brought forward from her past and now be alive in the future without altering the past that led to her being brought forward in the first place, in which case aging!Steve would have spent his life in an alternate timeline and old!Steve wouldn’t have been able to come visit all his buds on the day young!future!Steve left to return the stones; OR everything took place in a single, unified, undivergent timeline, which would mean Steve could drop into the past and take the long way back to the exact point in spacetime he left, but the changes to the past would have altered the past events, meaning that because Thanos and The Gang skipped forward and Loki is at large with the Tesseract, the events of Thor: The Dark World, Thor: Ragnarok, Infinity War, etc. never happened, and we’re also back to having no reason why other dead people couldn’t be pulled forward from their past timeline, why Thanos couldn’t be stopped by time-traveling the stones to before he retrieved them and using them to stop him, etc.

Various other issues:

The “monstrous” single woman who can’t get pregnant sacrificing herself so that the virile man will have his wife and children restored to him is... not a good look. Also, it’s weird how “we don’t trade lives” when it’s about a robot coded as a white man sacrificing himself to save half the universe (though apparently even at the time a whole bunch of Wakandans was fine, whoops, remember all the Black people who died trying to stop Thanos from getting to the Vision, weird how those lives were okay to trade), but when it’s about Natasha or Clint throwing themself off a cliff, immediately they’re both all, “Yeah, it’s gotta be done for the greater good.”

Thor getting to be the one to axe Thanos’s head off instead of, you know, like, oh, I don’t know, Nebula? The woman he abused and tortured pretty much her entire life? Bad. Inappropriate. Disappointing.

Everybody kept talking about how the characters who got Thanos’d in Infinity War were their “family.” For Rocket, I believe it; one thing the GotG films actually did well was to establish that level of relationship for those characters. But the Avengers? Lmaoooooo. The MCU Avengers were not a fucking family. The MCU Avengers spent every single movie at each other’s throats. If you wanted us to believe they were even friends, you should have given us at least one film of them seriously working as a team instead of against each other.

Holy shit, do I not care about Clint Barton’s Manpain(tm). Also, if you want us to see how far he’s “fallen,” maybe do something other than giving him the worst mohawk I’ve ever seen (including one done backstage after a show and one a friend gave me in my bathroom in college) and a boring tattoo and having him badly pick up an ugly katana-esque sword to kill objectively bad guys.

Bringing Scott back was easy enough that a rat walking across a panel after five years of that shit sitting in a storage facility could do it, and yet no one else tried even once? Somebody saw all that shit set up, and went, “Welp, guess they’re all just dead,” instead of, “Hey maybe this running equipment indicates an experiment in progress that we should maybe investigate”?

The “let’s line up all the named women” shot in the final battle was the most patronizing display of pandering I’ve seen in the entire franchise. Not only did it make no sense for them all to be in the same place at the same time with no men even in the shot, but... they were utterly ineffectual? It was like, “Gosh, how will Carole ever make it through that??? Oh, she’s got US, GIRL-FRIENDS, DID WE MENTION WE’RE ALL LADIES, BUT NOT QUEER OR ANYTHING.” And then... Carole immediately blew straight past them, because her power level is so off the charts compared to almost every other named woman in the MCU, many of whom are simply very, very skilled peak human heroes versus being superhuman.

Speaking of superhuman abilities: Why wasn’t every time-travel suit an Iron Man-style suit like Rhodey’s? Obviously he needed an exoskeleton bit to walk, but since Tony took the time to build him a beefed-up full suit, why didn’t he do the same for everyone else?

Along that same line of stupid decisions made around the Vitally Important, We Only Get One Shot At Fixing This time-travel mission, why didn’t they wait until everyone was in better shape? Thor was clearly still an emotional wreck, and if Rocket hadn’t been on the ball, it would have cost them one of the stones. As soon as you’re traveling back in time to fix something, unless there’s a hard limit on how far you can go back (which there wasn’t), you literally have the rest of your lives to get ready for it, so can and should take as much time as you need to prep (and even over-prep) for that mission. A little more lead time also would have given someone the opportunity to go, “Hey, wait, why don’t we first make a quick stop to just grab more Pym Particles, so we have more flexibility with destinations and do-overs?” Or even, “Why don’t we make these suits modular? That way, they can join into a single unit for each team on the way there, thereby saving a bunch of charges, but also split off into individual suits with everyone having enough juice to get home individually just in case someone gets split off. That will leave us with a bunch of extra Pym Particles in case something goes wrong.”

Other than meta reasons like “we want there to be a big epic fight,” why was it such a struggle to fight Thanos? The Avengers very nearly beat him in Infinity War, when he had five of the six Infinity Stones. Here, he had none, and they still barely squeaked out the victory by the skin of their teeth.

Thanos’s rapid switch from “I’m gonna kill half of all living creatures to uhhh save the universe somehow” to “I guess I’ll just wipe out everything and make an entirely new universe” once again highlighted how deeply stupid his original plan was. If he has the capacity to re-create the entire universe, why doesn’t he just... make more resources, if that’s such a fucking problem? I mean, also, spoiler alert for the real world: It’s not. It’s always been an issue of distribution, not amount. People aren’t starving to death because there’s no food; people are starving to death because of capitalism. So unless you target your population elimination at capitalists exclusively, killing off a bunch of people is going to maintain exactly the same problems of unequal resource exploitation and distribution.

Speaking of which: Why is post-Thanos Earth presented as a mellow semi-paradise (except for everybody being sad about all the dead people)? The loss of half the world’s population would have been catastrophic, cascading into many more deaths. Nor would it have solved inequality... or even resource “over”-utilization. Earth hit a population of 3.85 billion (i.e., half the current ~7.7 billion) around 1972, which many people currently alive have personal memories of not actually being particularly idyllic. This also highlights once again how deeply stupid and nonsensical Thanos’s original plan was, given that his “solution” could easily become obsolete in another 50 years... or even sooner, given that Thanos also cut all non-human creature populations in half, which would have not only reduced related resources available for human consumption but devastated ecosystems worldwide.

There has been a huge official campaign to persuade audiences to not spoil the movie for others. As a general principle, I’m a fan of encouraging anti-spoiler culture, but I think it says a lot about this movie in specific that the studio has put in so much effort to try to stamp out spoilers: i.e., they’re worried that the only real draw it has is people finding out assorted plot points. If your film can be easily replaced by a bulleted list of who’s alive or dead at the end of it, it’s... not actually a good film.

ADDENDUM MAY 5, 2019:

Okay, so, per the Russos, the reason Steve's Hetero Happily Ever After DOESN'T break the entire rest of the film is that it happened in an alternate timeline, and he just jumped back to the MCU prime timeline later... somehow. I still think that's shitty, lazy filmmaking, because in three hours they absolutely should have, you know, made that more clear (or... at all indicated that's how it played out). But at least it keeps their time travel mechanics from completely breaking their own plot.

But that means that in THAT timeline there were two Steves. Which means the BEST-CASE SCENARIO is prime!Steve hooked up with that timeline's Peggy after being 100% honest about who he was, alt!Peggy... chose a different version of Steve over her own Steve, for... reasons?, and then together they found and revived alt!Steve, at which point prime!Steve was like, "lol sorry bro, she's my wife 'cause I missed my chance with prime!Peggy, but at least now you're not frozen for any longer than you already have been."

Other options include:

Prime!Steve pretended to be alt!Steve while leaving him in the ice, counting on him not getting rescued until alt!Peggy would be nearly dead.

Prime!Steve helped rescue alt!Steve, then left alt!Peggy and alt!Steve to have their personal Hetero Happily Ever After while he... married some other random person?

Prime!Steve straight-up murdered alt!Steve to take his place.

Prime!Steve and alt!Peggy rescued alt!Steve, and she married both of them. (Somehow I don't see Disney going for that option.)

ADDENDUM MAY 12, 2019

I just read another interview, this one with the writers. Buckle up, because there’s even more embarrassing shit.

McFeely: I mean, we did all of this before Ragnarok.

Markus: Yeah, initially we were writing drafts prior to Taika coming onboard. And it was once they got underway and they were off in Australia making the movie and it was clear that they were discovering new facets to Thor, Chris Hemsworth wanted to make sure that this new loosened-up Thor didn't vanish immediately upon returning to the Avengers world. And so he and Taika flew to Atlanta and we had long meetings with them and watched some footage and got a sense of the new Thor tone, and it worked perfectly with where we wanted to go.

... ... ... ... Literally WHAT FUCKING PART of Infinity War and Endgame matches AT ALL with Thor's character development from Ragnarok? I was all ready to go, "Oh, okay, that makes sense" at the reveal that this was written before Ragnarok. But then, nope, they admit that they just have no fucking idea what they're doing and think they actually integrated its changes WELL. JFC.

McFeely: So where we hit upon it was in order to become their best selves, Steve had to find a life, and Tony had to lose his.

Boring idea and poorly executed to boot. (Not to mention the extreme cringiness of “finding a life” necessarily requires “marrying a woman and having babies in the suburbs.”) How are they getting paid money for writing this trite?

Fandango: So people are asking... Does this mean an old Captain America was hanging out this whole time while another Captain America was saving the day?

Markus: That is our theory. We are not experts on time travel, but the Ancient One specifically states that when you take an Infinity Stone out of a timeline it creates a new timeline. So Steve going back and just being there would not create a new timeline. So I reject the "Steve is in an alternate reality" theory. I do believe that there is simply a period in world history from about '48 to now where there are two Steve Rogers. And anyway, for a large chunk of that one of them is frozen in ice. So it's not like they'd be running into each other.

HAHAHAHA HOLY FUCKING SHIT okay so NOT ONLY do the director and writers have COMPLETELY DIFFERENT IDEAS about what the fuck happened at the end (did they... not discuss this with each other? at all?), but the WRITERS' version is the one that is THE MOST OUT OF CHARACTER. HOLY SHIT.

McFeely: So we've always thought that the most perfect conclusion to [Natasha's] arc would be to die for her new family, or to sacrifice greatly for her new family.

GAG GAG GAG GAG GAG GAG GAG

McFeely: We toyed with not doing that, and we had another version, and several women on the crew said, "Don't you dare take that choice away from her. The heroic thing is for Natasha to do it, not for Hawkeye to do it."

these are definitely real women who actually exist

Fandango: Do you think there's a world where we see the adventures of Captain and Peggy either on the big or small screen?

Christopher Markus: Possibly. I think maybe all I did was Steve was a stay-at-home dad and Peggy went to work at S.H.I.E.L.D. I don't know that there were any adventures.

lmaoooooooooo

Imagine being this bad at knowing your own characters. Imagine thinking either Peggy OR Steve would just give up their life to play house when there's important work they could be doing.

[caseopening-blog]

The War on Made Use Of Gamings

As we plan for the coming wave of future generation systems, we need to be expecting renovations on all the good ideas we connect with the existing crop of systems. Moving on, we anticipate: much better graphics, faster CPUs, more appealing games, you get the idea. 

Not everything that we're preparing for will be a progressive activity for pc gaming. A minimum of, as for Sony and also Microsoft are concerned, you can swing farewell to playing utilized games on their systems. 

Although these are simply rumors at this point, it wouldn't be surprising if they came to fulfillment. It's possible, specifically when taking into account that numerous game authors have already discharged chance ats the used video game market.

Most noteworthy is Electronic Arts(EA), who became the first publisher to set up the method of billing gamers, that bought made use of video games, a fee to access codes that feature the game. 

To clarify, Downloadable Content(DLC) codes are included with new copies of a particular video game and just with those codes, can that web content be accessed. 

EA increased its job to include playing used games online. Players would certainly currently have to pay $10, along with the price of the used game that they purchased, to have accessibility to the on the internet elements of their video game. 

Ubisoft has given that followed suit, requiring an on the internet masquerade its video games too. You can determine the games which require an on the internet pass as they are the "Uplay Passport," logo design on the box.

 Ubisoft determined they would certainly take things an action additionally and carry out Digital Rights Management, a method more often associated with DVD or CD anti-piracy initiatives. 

Assassins Creed 2 was the first video game to be impacted by this practice. To play the PC variation of Assassins Creed 2 gamers are called for to create an account with Ubisoft and also continue to be logged right into that account to play the game. That implies that if you shed your net link, the game will instantly pause as well as attempt to improve the connection. 

If you're unfavorable adequate to be unable to reconnect the net you'll have to continue from your last conserved video game; shedding any development; you may have made because after that. 

That will certainly be the case for every one of Ubisoft's COMPUTER titles, despite one having fun single-player or multi-player. While Digital Rights Management has been used to battle DVD and CD piracy for fairly time currently, this will note the very first time it been made use of for a video game. 

Due to Ubisoft's application of DRM, Matthew Humphries of Geek.com, warns that it's viable that at some point also gaming console games will certainly require on-line enrollment play them.

 According to Denis Dyack, the head of Silicon Knights, the sale of utilized video games is cannibalizing the earnings of the primary video game market. 

He also declares that the made use of the video game market is somehow causing the cost of new video games to rise. There are also reports that the X-Box 720 will certainly accept the exclusive usage of digital downloads as well as not make use of disks at all.

 One might argue that Sony has currently laid the ground help stopping utilized video games from working on their future system. 

At the minimum, they've already made fairly an initiative to make used video games substantially less preferable. Kath Brice, of Games industry.biz, reported that the most up to date SOCOM game for PSP, SOCOM: U.S. Navy SEALs Fireteam Bravo 3, will certainly call for customers that purchase a utilized copy to pay an enhancement $20 bucks to get a code for online play.

 I would certainly like to see some measurable proof to sustain the case that made use of video games are in reality, hurting the sales of brand-new video games at all. 

Correct me if I'm incorrect however you haven't heard Infinity Ward grumbling concerning the made use of the game market as well as it affecting their bottom line. 

Possibly the problem isn't that used video games have an unfavorable impact on the sale of new games but, the trouble is rather that game developer require to make far better video games that gamers are willing to pay full rate for.

 In my point of view, not every game is worth $60 simply because it's the recommended retail price. Looking at points fairly not every game is produced similarly. As a result, not every video game is deserving of costing $60.

 I think that the War on Used Games is nothing more than a money grab by developers, distressed that they're unable to capitalize a very financially rewarding market. 

To put it in bucks and also cents, in 2009 Game Stop reported almost 2.5 million dollars in income from the sale of utilized gaming consoles as well as utilized games. And also not one red cent of that profit gets to the pockets of game authors. 

Greed as the encouraging factor for the statement of War on Used Games is transparent. Especially when you think about that when Game Stop began separating their profits from brand-new video games as well as used video games in their economic declarations, EA after that instituted their 10 dollar cost for utilized video games.

 The development in the 2nd version of the video game, which allows you to disembowel your opponents, is sufficient of a uniqueness that I 'd like to play via it at some point. I can acquire it currently, utilized, for regarding ten bucks. My point is that video game designers are not losing cash cause of used video games; you can not miss out on loan you weren't going to receive anyhow.

 Unless you have a significant quantity of non reusable earnings and a significant amount of leisure time, you're possibly like me, and also you focus on which games you prepare to purchase and also how much you're eager to pay for them. 

You determine which video games are should riches and which video games you 'd such as to play yet agree to await a rate decline before getting them. Then there are the video games which you're interested in, but they tend to fail the cracks because they're not all that high up on your radar as well as you'll maybe select them up a number of months later, or even years after their release, if you ever before picking them up in all.

 I find it ironic that the impending death of the used game market can likely mean the death of Game Stop that, ironically, push their customers to brand-new pre-order games and also acquire them at full price. 

One would think that game authors would be appreciative regarding this service as well as not dislike Game Stop and also treat utilized video games with such refuse. Pre orders not only help advertise their video games; however, they work as a forecast of possible sales too. 

Also Dave Their a contributor for Forbes Online, that explains Game Stop as, "a parasitical bloodsucker that does not do much besides mark up discs and being in the shopping mall," acknowledges the folly of passing the problem of the utilized game market onto the customer.

 I've just as soon as pre-ordered a game myself. At the wish of J. Agamemnon, I pre-ordered Battlefield 3, which is paradoxically a residential or commercial property of EA. 

I paid full cost for this game and more than happy to do so. In big part, since I was given access to several weapons as well as maps that I would have had to wait to download had I not pre-ordered it. I suggest that instead of penalizing players for wanting to save their difficult-earned cash, the pc gaming industry requires to find out to incentivize players into intending to bet to that 60 dollar price.

 I labeled this write-up The War on Used Games in an initiative to be jokingly and poke enjoyable at how whenever the government proclaims battle on medications or horror or whatever it might be, they only succeed in intensifying the problem. 

If the gaming sector does indeed go down this path; they'll only harm themselves in the long run, fall short to share in the profits they so greedily fancy as well as worst of all, hurt their consumers, that keep the gaming industry abreast with currency.

 It's extremely paradoxical and also in fact very fitting that it's EA that is heading the effort to assault the used video game market when they are one of the biggest beneficiaries of made use of games. 

Chips world MD Don Mc Cabe informed Games Industry.biz that EA has what he referred to as a "franchise business software application home" in that they "update their titles; FIFA, Madden; all of these are effectively the same title updated each year. Shutting down the utilized video games market efficiently ruins a tried and real technique in which followers of EA's franchises maintain updated with each of EA's annual releases.

 Don McCabe, an exec at Chipsworld, discusses that "customers won't flourish under this new system, as duplicates of the game will certainly shed their resale value.

That implies that ultimately it will be the publisher who ends up shedding money because when merchants readjust their prices to show the rise in price for made use of games, the resale worth of the game will go down and also brand-new games are much less most likely to be purchased.

 I'm a follower of numerous EA franchises; I appreciate Ubisoft's Assassin's Creed, and also I'm a resist Sony PlayStation enthusiast. As their client, I'm annoyed and also upset by their current methods. I am afraid wherefore future techniques they may utilize to more suppressor perhaps kill the utilized video game market. 

That claimed, I'm confident that these firms will certainly be responsive to the outcry of their clients and also abide by our wants. I beg them to stop punishing their customers for catching what they regard as missed revenues. 

They take the chance of not just alienating their customers however, they run the risk of discovering themselves with significantly fewer clients and also significantly fewer earnings. As well as at the end of the day, that's the lower line.

[geekygoddesss]

“I fucked up again, sorry”

Requested by @boyslikeluke

Making luke mad was kind of the equivalent of kicking a puppy. Not that I kicked puppies on a regular basis, but I think it is very self-explanatory.

Luke is not the kind of guy you want to have a fight with, especially if you are close to him in any way, he was not a guy to mess up with, he could be the sweetest guy on earth but if you did anything that could hurt him or any of his loved ones, you would wish it never happened, or worst, you would wish you never knew him at all, that’s how heavy this was. That’s why after a very bad night and the biggest fight in the history of our relationship, this was really starting to feel like the end and I was too fucking scared to even think about it.

It was not like he did something to me, it was not his mistake at all. It was me, it was all me. I did this.

Going in detail right now would be a lot, but let’s just say, mental breakdowns are a bitch and you should not be pretending to be fine when nothing is really fine and most definitely, you should not be questioning anyone's feeling while having a mental breakdown, because they most likely will turn up shit on you and that’s where all the trouble starts, Me, having a mentally unstable moment, not handling it well and ending up in a fight with my boyfriend, which is never good.

Flying out to Australia was a true pain after this fight. All of my words and every single moment of that call was being played in my head over and over, I felt like it could go on forever until I finally exploded. I tried to forget that while being on my flight though, this was not going to hold me back, I made one promise to Luke before he left, I would be at that show no matter what and I was going to be there just like I promised. He had my word.

These past few days have been hell on earth, I stayed at his family house instead of going to his apartment, just like I usually did when I had to go to Australia alone. I told them about everything, but they seemed too sure that everything was going to be alright, which I somehow doubted, but I never said that to them, I wouldn’t dare to worry them more about us than they were already. But while they seemed to be totally fine with my presence, I still couldn’t stop thinking about that day, I couldn’t stop seeing his face everywhere and I just couldn’t stop looking at my phone, just sitting there and waiting for a call that I was never going to get.

He hasn’t called me in almost a week. I definitely fucked up

Days passed and the moment was finally here, the day I would face him and everything would be determined, I would either stay with him or go home and pick up everything from his house. It was one way or the other, no middle point.

I stand on his childhood bedroom looking at my reflection in the mirror, doubting if what I had was even the right clothes for such an event, it was his show, I had to look more decent and more... I don’t know… outstanding. Instead, I was just wearing a white blouse he gave to me a while ago and jeans, with little to no makeup, which was usually my look anyways. I feel underdressed, I feel pathetic. What would a feminine girl do?.

I grab the red lipstick on my bag and just put it on, might be a fail try to look better, but it was something and I was really making my best to not look too careless about my looks tonight, I wanted him to feel something when he saw me, not just anger or whatever he was feeling about me tonight, something good, something that will make me feel better about myself.

“Honey, we’re going backstage before the show, so we better take off now” I hear Luke’s mother say from out the door, opening it carefully, making sure she didn’t catch me in a bad moment or something.

She is already dressed and ready to go, I am too, but I am not prepared for seeing him right now. My hands still shake a little when I think about what’s going to happen and all the possible outcomes for this moment. I was scared and I wanted everything to be alright, but the only way that would happen if it I just faced the situation and be strong about it, I had to do it.

“All of you?” I ask Lis, completely opening the door and facing her, I couldn’t hide my scared look from her and that’s why she looked at me back in pity, I hated this so much “Oh, well, I guess it's alright” I say after a few seconds, recognizing there was nothing I could do about it anyways.

“Hey” She says giving a step forward, putting her hands on my shoulders “are you two still not talking?” I can sense true concern in her voice and I almost hated that she was even when it was comforting to have someone who supported, but I just had a fight with her son, she wasn’t even mad about it. she has too much hope on this.

“I mean, he talks to me, sometimes” I shrug, sitting on the bed and letting her do the same. I remember all of those texts, just keeping me updated on where he was or how he was doing, but after that he never really asked how I was, or at least starts a conversation, it was almost like he felt responsible for making sure I was informed about his status, but the reality is that all I wanted was to hear his voice talking to me, not just a text. I needed to hear his voice.

“he hasn't called me in a while” I mumble in a sad smile, trying to not look like the world was ending or something, but my world was on the apocalypsis right now.

“A week is a long time” She says, squeezing my shoulder a bit in support “It'll be alright” she assures me “he loves you, this is just a slip”

I give her a smile, I appreciate how supportive she’s being, I really do “More like my slip” I chuckle like it was funny at all.

She nods, recognizing what I just said, but still showing me her supporting self by putting her arm around shoulder in a side hug “Everyone makes mistakes” she says, making sure I looked at her when she spoke “you'll be fine” she assures me, leaning in to kiss my cheek and getting up from her spot. “Pick up whatever you’re bringing, we’ll get going in a few”

“Okay” I nod, looking up at her as she walked towards the door “Thanks Lis” I mumble giving her soft smile “I’m sorry for making Luke feel so bad”

She smiles back and waves her hand like if she’s trying to swing that comment away “No need to apologize, sweetie, you’re a beautiful and nice girl” She says, some of the weight somehow feels like it flew off my shoulders “I know you wouldn’t hurt him on purpose”

“Thanks” I say looking down, trying to hide my blushed cheeks between my hair.

“5 minutes” she instructs me before she’s out that door.

I guess that’s about it. Five minutes away from confronting the only guy who I’m so in love with that kind of terrifies me. Gosh, I hope I don’t do something stupid.

Well, good luck to me.

So after what seemed to be the shortest car ride I have ever been on in my entire life, we were here, facing the awfully empty back of the venue they were performing in, waiting for Luke’s brother to find the guy of the security team that would let us in to find the guys.

Those were an awful five to ten minutes, I don’t even know how long it took us to actually get in but in no time we were already backstage and everyone was living a very happy reunion moment, then there was me, who stood frozen at the door of the room looking at the scene quitely from my place.

It’s not like felt unhappy to be there, not at all, I was too happy, so happy I could barely move. He looked so good I could just look at him forever, he looked older, more mature, somehow taller, Last time I saw him he looked kind of different,  but not now, he looked better than even.

Some of the guys acknowledge my presence and came to me for a quick hug, in which I still felt a little stiff and shocked to move at all, I hoped they don’t think I didn’t want to be there, things just felt a little heavy right now.

Everyone looked so happy, like nothing was happening, but not on my side. Luke hasn’t looked or said anything to me and I not pushing anything to change that, I can’t bring myself to him after our last conversation, I feel like if I do it I’d be going into a danger zone that could bring me to an end and I didn’t want to risk that.

He smiled at everyone, being so happy that his family was there, they laughed at jokes, they were catching up, making questions. They’re so happy. the moment seems to last forever, he enjoys himself with his loved ones and he seems totally fine until the moment his eyes land on me and his smiles fades just a little. My hands shake and I look away, he’s uncomfortable, I knew I had to stay outside.

Time passes and at some point, they are already set to get out before the guys have to get ready for the big night. I’ve seen how he keeps glancing at me from the corner of his eyes, I haven’t moved at all and my heart beats so fast that I can hear the pounding on my ears, I can’t just come over to him and say something. I just can’t.

When they are all heading out, I still can’t move. Lis looks at me and waits for me to go, but when we look at each other she smiles at me the last time and walks away, she thinks I want to talk to Luke and I do, but I’m not ready. I can’t say a word because before I can even talk she is already walking out the door and leaving me.

I turn my head to the side and it’s like all of my worst current nightmares are here because Luke is standing right in front of me, looking amazing but serious, he’s looking down at me and saying nothing. My brain is not working.

“Good luck” It’s all I can get to come out of my mouth. Not even a hello or any kind of greeting, nothing useful is going through my head right now.

“Thanks” he says, nodding, trying to get a decent smile out of him “you'll be watching right?” he asks, he sounds nervous for some reason, but honestly, not as nervous as I was.

“Always” I nod, smiling back. I want to say something else but my bottom lip is shaking already and I want to run away from this place, I am not ready, I feel sick, I need, I need- “I gotta go” I say, stopping any word that tried to get out of my mouth and trying to walk away but not make it look like I wanted to escape even when I totally was.

“See you later?” he asks before I can move at all. His eyebrows are now raised and looking for my answer.

“Yeah” I nod and smile again.

He nods back and takes a step forward to me, kisses my forehead and leaves. I am for sure going to pass out right in this second if I don’t walk out right now and that’s what I do, I leave, feeling my heart pounding so heavily that it could explode.

However, If that little moment even meant something, it made me feel a little bit alive again. Him and I definitely need to have a talk.

Time somehow seemed to pass in the blink of an eye. One moment I was watching their gig, taking pictures with my phone and singing their lyrics along with the audience, then I was in front of Luke, facing what seemed to be the worst of my fears right now.

He was sweating and so was I, none of us talking but looking at each other intensely, not caring about what anyone thought from watching us just say nothing in the middle of the hallway. We needed a moment.

“Hi” he says first, taking a step towards me so I could hear him better.

“Hi” I repeat almost automatically, I was nervous, I couldn’t really think about anything else to say that was somehow smart or useful, something that would sound like me but less scared, if that made any sense.

“You look great” It’s what I say, looking at him up and down, almost as if I was checking him out, I wasn’t but he for sure looked great. His hair all messy and his general look after a show was always something I would find attractive, especially on him, always on him.

“You too, nice blouse” He says giving me a sweet smile, looking at me the same way I did before.

“You gave it to me on christmas” I mention, smoothing down the fabric with the palms of my hands.

“I know, I remember” He nods, taking another step forward “I love how it looks on you”

“Thanks” I blush and look down, his presence was a little too intimidating for me at the moment, I could barely hear him over my heart beats, drumming on my ears so hard that it’s sound started to make me nervous, this was too much. I want to be over it now.

He sighs deeply the moment I look away from his face, His hands find a way across his hair, pulling it back in slight frustration and finding the right way to start such a conversation. I can’t blame him for not knowing what to say, I didn’t know either, I wanted all of this to be over so we could go home, but we both know that things don’t work that way and we had to talk about this one way or another, but it has to be now.

“Look-” We both say at the same time, stopping in track at the same time and waiting for one of us to speak up first, but none of us did.

“You first” he says. I shook my head in negation, too nervous to be the first one to speak up but before I could even say anything he interrupts me again. “Please” he says in a mumble, letting me be the first one to say something.

I nod, trying to find the right words to start “I-” my voice breaks before I can even start and my hands shake, this was more difficult than I anticipated “I fucked up again, sorry” It’s what I say, feeling like it was barely going to fix anything “I mean- I am really sorry, about what I said, I don’t mean it, I don’t think your job is useless, I don’t think you are shitty person, I just-” I hesitate bit I keep talking “I was angry and I took it out on you” I explain and my voice breaks once again, I try to find more words but his touch cuts me out.

His hands press against my arm, rubbing them softly and silently telling me to calm down even when I was completely freaking out.  

“It’s alright” he says in a soft voice.

“No, it’s not alright” I shake my head, feeling the tears come in quickly to my eyes and fall on my cheeks “Luke, I miss you”

“I miss you too” he says in a small voice.

He doesn’t let me keep talking, he grabs my hand and makes me walk down the hallway until we reach an empty room, a maintenance room apparently. He locks the door behind us so no one can interrupt us at this moment, we both needed to hear each other clearly.

I am the one who starts talking.

“I guess I wanted to let you know that I'm sorry these last days have been so tense, I should have called you but I didn't, I just bottled up and you're right when You said I just hide all the time instead of facing shit, I should have talked to you  and now I'm even more sorry that I didn't came to see you earlier when you landed-”

“(Y/n), breathe” He interrupts me, only to make me realise that all of this time I was rambling I almost forgot how to breathe properly, so I take a short break and give myself a minute to breathe, even though I just totally break down into crying, it felt too difficult to breathe in this particular situation. “there you go” he mumbles when I seem a little calmer and somehow relaxed. I felt better, but this was not over.

“I'm sorry, I really am” I mumble, looking at him in the eye.

“I know you are” He says back, taking my hands in his and caressing softly.

I lean back to catch my breath, sitting on a little chair in the corner of the room, not longer having anything else more to say more than what I just did, I was running out of ideas and I hoped that he didn’t take it the wrong way. “What did you need to tell me?” I ask, suddenly remembering he wanted to say something too.

“I just- uh- I wanted to know where we stand” he asks, clearly a little uncomfortable with all this “that last argument, it was no child's play, we both said some nasty things and trust me, I am extremely sorry” he says speaking truthfully about this “I guess all I want to know is, if we’re ok”

I nod, I know where he’s going, It’s so scary “I want us to be” I say, shrugging “but you're right, that last argument was kind of ugly”

he nods and sighs “Listen, I totally understand if you want to end it” he says and I froze  “i was an asshole”

“No, it was my fault” I excuse.  

“But I still said so much shit” he interrupts me, taking part of the blame with him “I don't want you to feel pressure into keep this going if you don't feel comfortable, it's okay, we've been together for a long time, if you feel like this is enough, I won't hold you back” he says.

the room falls into silence.

It’s true, the least thing I want is to break up with him, but for a brief minute I consider it, maybe it was the best option for the both of us, after dating for so long, maybe it was for the best if we just part. But then, who would be the one to call me on my lonely nights or stay with me on those rainy days when it’s cold outside, who would go with me on walks with our dogs, who would come up and show me new ideas for music, but most importantly, who would ever love me like he does, no one, no one would. I can’t break up with him. Not now, not a stupid fight.

“No” I finally say after a while  “I don't want this to end”

He nods “Good” Luke says softly, smiling a little “Me neither”

“But I do want you to know that I am really sorry, Luke, for everything, it won’t happen again” I say, squeezing his hands that now are holding mine so carefully, as if I'm going to break “I am also so stressed lately and I don’t want you to think it is because of you, it is not”

“I understand” he nods. In a soft move, his forehead is now pressed against mine while he caresses my hands, I don’t want him to let go, ever. “We’ll go through this together, alright?”

“Yeah?” I sniff a little, this was overwhelming.

“Yeah” he chuckles, kissing the back of my hand “I love you so much” he says, looking into my eyes “I haven't say that in a while” he chuckles

“I love you more” I mumble, a real smile now showing on my face “I really do”

he leans in and steals a kiss from my lips. Somehow it feels unfamiliar for a second, it’s been months since I last saw him and kissing right now after what happened felt a little weird, but good, always good.

He holds my face with both hands and deeps up the kiss, making me know how much he needed this and how much he missed me, I did too, this felt beyond fantastic, to finally have him here and be able to feel him with me. I missed this guy so much.

We end the kiss and all we can do is look at each other. I know, this felt unreal. I can’t help myself but to give him a big hug, I felt so good after that kiss, I feel better than ever. We’re good, we’re fine. After all Lis was right, this was just a slip.

There’s a loud knock on the door that makes us both jump in surprise.

“Whatever you two are doing, hurry up, we’re going out” says Luke’s brother from the other side of the door.

Luke closes his eyes and sighs, I know, I don’t want this to end right now, We just need a little longer, just a few more minutes.

We kiss one more time, just to make this last a couple more seconds but his brother knocks again, letting us know that they want to go now.

“We should go” he says with a little smile.

“Agreed” I say with a smile, pressing our lips together once more.

He takes my hand and we leave the room, ready for a night with his family, a night that we would never forget, because we are now just fine and this is a good moment, we’re all together and that’s all that matters.

I love this boy and nothing would ever make me change my mind. No matter how many slips we have. I am his and he is mine, That’s all that matters.

[notesofarichlycolorednight]

Why does no one talk about how luke lost siblings pre war? Like like is what 14 when he comes to camp, hes 19 when percy does. Meaning, because he wasnt the cousler when he got to camp one or more of his soblings had to die in the five years he lived at camp. In the five years he lived at camp his brothers and sisters would go home and not come back? How many bodless shrouds did luke have burn???

oh i think

but on this blog, we stan luke castellan

i stanned luke before it was cool, before the word “stan” even existed

i was stanning luke the moment i finished tlt

but, uh, anyway,,,

in a more…coherent way, i think it’s bc a lot of ppl don’t like luke. like at all. and a lot of it stems from two things,,,

1: many ppl, i think, don’t separate kronos from luke and luke from kronos. OR, they don’t fully grasp just how manipulative kronos was, and how far someone can go when they are being manipulated. OR, they could not do both of those things and still hate luke, and that’s fine and fair. they’re entitled to their opinion

2: the whole “did you love me” scene, when luke was dying

and i know this isn’t what you’re asking for–in fact your question at the beginning of your ask is probably more rhetorical than anything–but like i said, i stan luke castellan, and i have a lot of feelings abt this topic. so i’m going to break down my points, and then talk abt his life at chb before percy showed up, regarding the deaths of his siblings

which is my usual at this point so, ya know,,,

what are you gonna do

as usual, hcs under the cut

one

1a: sometimes i get the feeling that some think luke and kronos were basically one in the same? and that luke is completely and wholly responsible for his actions throughout the series. which is wrong. he’s not, he was being severely manipulated by a titan; misled, misguided, and used. kronos was taking something that already existed in luke and twisting it to his own gains. additionally, after kronos possess him, he’s no longer in control of his actions. he’s trapped in his own body, while kronos pulls the strings, quite literally.

1b: i also get the feeling that sometimes ppl don’t quite understand how manipulation and gaslighting can effect your ability to think for yourself, to think clearly abt a lot of things at all. or, swinging in the other direction, perhaps think too much abt everything. for this post, it’s the former. manipulation is subtle and insidious, you start to do and say things you wouldn’t normally think you’d do or say for fear of punishment, whether it be physical, emotional, and/or psychological from the other. manipulation like that is abuse, and luke was being abused by kronos. so he is not completely and wholly responsible for his actions throughout the series

1c: finally, ppl may very well recognize these two things–that luke and kronos were two separate entities, and that manipulation can be a terribly powerful and destructive tool used against ppl–and still decide to hate him. and ya know, that’s fine. we’re all entitled to how we feel abt fictonal characters. at the end of the day, agree to disagree

two

a lot of ppl hate him also bc of the question he asked annabeth in tlo, a dying man’s inquiry

and a lot of ppl interpreted it as romantic. and therefore, rightfully so, saw that as disgusting, considering luke is considerably older (6 to 7 yrs, at least).

not only that, but luke oftentimes used annabeth’s crush on him against her (whether he knew annabeth’s love was romantic or familial at that time, who’s to say; i mean i say that he didn’t realize annabeth had a crush on him for a very long time, he probably mostly saw it as familial, bc he is considerably older)–i think the biggest example of that would be when he got annabeth to hold the sky for him bc he knew if she saw him in pain, she would help him, no question, bc she loved him. that i can’t really argue against. i will say he was still being deeply manipulated by kronos, but it’s still a p despicable thing to do just in general

the infamous question he asks annabeth, i see as way more complicated. i think since we’re in percy’s head, it’s meant to seem romantic, considering percy could tell immediately annabeth had a crush on luke at the beginning of tlt, and percy, himself, had completely fallen, head-over-heels in love with annabeth at that point in time.

i see the question as familial, as well as romantic love, but not in the way you think. i felt it was him almost checking to see the depth of annabeth’s romantic love she felt for him–was it just a crush, or has she deeply and truly fallen in love with me? i think he knew she’d fallen in love with percy (even if it took him a while to figure out she had a crush on him). his question was more a check, rather than a, “oh i’m going to ask this girl who is 7 yrs younger than me if she loves me romantically.” but also one of familial love. her answer is implied to be strictly romantic, but luke knows that annabeth’s always loved him, and he’s checking to see if not romantic, than still as family. i.e., “but, no, i didn’t love you in that way”

bonus! three

and look, before you get all indignant and ready to pull receipts, i’m not a luke apologist

i recognize that him being manipulated, and not fully in control of his actions, does not excuse the fact that he still committed them. i am fully aware that he was not a good person, and that he did terrible things

but i also recognize that for one, he wasn’t entirely in control or himself bc of the manipulating kronos was doing to him (which does count for something in the grand scheme of things, even if it does not excuse his actions), and two he had a point abt the gods. the gods are fucking awful. they ain’t shit, and they care little abt their own fucking children.

[aside] hey so cool concept: if you don’t want to put in the effort to do the bare minimum for you children…DON’T HAVE CHILDREN. wild i know. and for gods??? the bare minimum would be like claiming them, and making sure their cabins are the least bit comfortable to live in, which they could do, literally with a snap of their fingers, which would take less than a second. the bar is on the fucking ground. if you’re gonna try and give me the Ancient Laws shit, first of all it was clearly shown throughout the pjo and hoo series, the gods often help demigods, even if they aren’t “““““supposed to interfere””””” so that’s a weak argument. second of all, for bigger things, like getting them to camp or smth, well why not find adults who maybe can take care of them??? maybe it’s a bit idealist sure, but adults should fucking know better. not to mention, the fact that i wish older ppl would care and take care of younger ppl is me being ideal speaks for itself. i recognize not every single person can be the perfect parent, but we can sure as hell try to get close

luke did those things bc he thought he was helping demigods–he started doing it for them and it spun wildly out of control bc kronos is a titan, he’s ruthless, and wanted to kill the gods for his own gain. he didn’t care abt luke, but he’d gladly use luke to achieve his goal. by the time luke realized that, it was already too late. but anyway, /tangent

i can completely understand luke’s motivations, while also understanding that his methods were not the way to go abt change. and that’s another thing abt it, is that i feel like many in the fandom take a very black-and-white perspective on his character, when it’s much more complicated than that

there’s a post going around, talking abt how antagonists and villains should be relatable, bc it reminds us not to go there. and i think a lot of ppl should really take that to heart. i can like a character, but not the person. i don’t idealize luke is any sense of the word. i am aware of all his flaws.

now, first i would like to point out that the rules of becoming head counselor don’t have to involve death. i’m sure with demigods, they often do, but there are two other options: 1) two competing head counselors have a chat and agree on who should be head counselor or 2) they battle each other, and whoever is victorious becomes head counselor

it’s a safe bet that that probably happened quite a lot in the hermes cabin, considering how many demigods resided in there before the second titan war (tho i imagine chiron at least tried (???) to make sure legit only children of hermes become head counselors, bc it is...well...the hermes cabin).

but, as i said before, they are demigods, and so it’s another safe bet that their head counselors were often lost to death

it’s hard to say just how many of luke’s siblings were lost to death, but let’s look at the timeline here real quick. in tlt, luke says that he screwed everything up for everyone else, bc after his quest went so awry, chiron stopped letting kids out of camp to go on quests...which thinking abt it now, almost doesn’t make sense.

i mean, the fact that luke failed so miserably and came back horribly scarred was the catalyst the made chiron stop letting ppl out, but demigods literally dying on quests didn’t???? uuuuuummmmmm?????????

and we can extrapolate from the spoils in the attic of the big house that a lot of campers did die on their quests

i mean, maybe it was also bc chiron had a feeling the great prophecy was getting nearer and nearer to being fulfilled, and he decided after luke failed his quest--a close call like that--he didn’t want to risk any other demigods’ lives anymore until the prophecy began, bc war takes a lot of lives, but still, that’s p fucked up logic

/tangent

anyway, so i think luke was at camp for abt 3 yrs before he finally got a quest of his own. so luke had three yrs at camp to lose siblings to death.

i mean, going by how much luke fought to get his own quest, hermes’ children probably didn’t get a lot of issued quests (more evidence abt how others see hermes as a god, despite him still being a major god).

but, for argument’s sake, let’s say that before the great prophecy became too real for chiron to let out kids on other quests, abt 5-10 quests were issued for each full yr, depending on how long the quest itself would take (tho we’ve seen that a lot of things can be accomplished in v little time, so that’s why my estimation has a lot of variation)

[aside] these numbers are completely and utterly arbitrary, i’m totes making this up as i go

and for more argument’s sake, let’s say that the hermes cabin were issued at least half of those, since they have so many kids--maybe even some of the undertermined kids were issued a quest and as a reward would get to know who their godly parent is (wow, that’s just so shitty, where did my mind come up with that)

and i imagine, even tho they were undetermined, luke felt like they were siblings all the same bc everyone, even children of hermes, were miserable in that cabin. it was jam-packed, crammed, with no breathing space. and some of them in there had completely given up that they’d ever find out who their godly parent was bc their godly parent didn’t care abt them at all

luke hated seeing that. so when a quest was issued to anyone in his cabin, and they didn’t come back, that probably took a serious toll on his mental health. not to mention only did to feed his anger and hatred toward the gods. esp if he thought that the kid was only doing it to find out who their godly parent was

bc they get at least half of the quests during the yr, across 3 yrs, luke probably lost from 5-15 of his siblings, and those he considered siblings.

i have a hc that he cares quite a lot abt his half-siblings. for as much as he hates his father, his siblings didn’t do anything to be ignored like he is, and as luke grows older, he probably takes on kinda father-figure. like if hermes isn’t gonna step up, then luke will he just kinda went abt it the wrong way, with the whole kronos thing...

i imagine, also, that he sometimes lost his siblings when they would sneak out of camp. i mean, from what little glimpse into luke’s life we got before he started trying to take over the world, he made it sound like the hermes kids often snuck out of camp to get things from new york proper like junk food. and it’s more dangerous for them outside the borders, so it’s safe to say that if they were in the wrong place at the wrong time and met a monster they were unprepared to face, they most likely died.

that only increases the number of siblings he lost over those 5 yrs before precy got to camp.

i think tho, those that went on quests and died would have more impact, bc it’s obvious his siblings dying after sneaking out didn’t dissuade him from still sneaking out. but luke was probably more careful abt it

actually, jk, it probably affected him A Lot. and hc that that’s part of the reason he trained so hard with a sword--he probably told his siblings that he’d be the only one going out of camp for any bargaining chips, didn’t matter if he was directly involved or not. and bc he was so good with a sword, he’d be better equipped to handle tougher monsters.

with every lost sibling, i imagine luke throws himself into sword-fighting and masking his grief and pain with anger and hatred even more--it grows exponentially, and never hits a ceiling. he probably blames the gods to bury the fact that he actually blames himself. bc if he accepts that he blames himself that means he also wasn’t strong enough to protect his siblings

it’s easier to blame the gods and train so that maybe one day he’ll be strong enough to protect his siblings. that’s another motivation behind why he decides to join kronos and lead his army until kronos can reform/find a host. kronos promises to make him strong enough to protect not just his siblings, but all demigods who have been thrown to the wayside by the gods--no more useless quests that needlessly take their lives, just to get their godly parents to “““““approve””””” of them

i’m sure he gets tired of feeling powerless, and sometimes the grief is so overwhelming he hides in the forest and lets himself feel for once, but not willing to let anyone else see him break. then he somehow puts himself back together, more determined than ever to become powerful enough to make it stop. at the very least, make it stop happening so frequently.

hmmm, not sure if this is what you asked for, but this is where my brain went. not quite happy with it, i feel like i keep saying the same thing abt luke over and over again but in varying ways, but i did add some new hcs

if you wanna send in another ask with some of yours ideas, i think my brain would be able to use that as a springboard and come up with more specific hcs

as always, thanks for sending this in!!! i know i say this with every ask, but i really do enjoy thinking/discussing these things ^_^ it’s always fun to interact with the fandom for me

FEED ME SEYMOUR

[punk-rock-pixie]

1-85

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

I mean, I won’t lie and say it gives some personal points, but like I won’t date you if you’re a douche, no matter if you look good or not. 

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

I mean, you don’t NEED to be in one, but it is nice to have someone care for you

3. Are you a virgin?

yup

4. Are you in a relationship?

I am yes

5. Are you in love?

I think?

6. Are you single this year?

Well for like the first month I was

7. Can you commit to one person?

Yeah. Even if I’m polyamorous, I won’t act on it if they’re not cool with it

8. Describe your crush

They love birds and also is a witch. We love a lotta the same stuff.

9. Describe your perfect mate

A storyteller, share at least a few interests. Someone I could talk non-stop to or just become a total tree stump. They understand to a good extent how I work and put the same effort in that I do. On the superficial side, I’m partial to the more butch/masc presenting people and possibly taller. 

That being said the person I am dating is actually a few inches shorter than me lmao

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Not really, but I feel like there can be a connection, but love takes time.

11. Do you ever want to get married?

I dunno. I haven’t given it much thought.

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

Depends on the extent????

13. Do you get jealous easily?

I’m kinda jealous, but idk

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

I mean,,,,, yeah???

15. Do you have any piercings?

Just my ears

16. Do you have any tattoos?

Nope

17. Do you like kissing in public?

Only like small pecks. I’m not much on PDA more than like hugging or hand-holding

20. Do you shower every day?

every other day

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

I should hope they do????

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Maybe

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

I mean, duh?

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

No

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

I’m happy with it yeah.

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yes

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

Not that I know of???

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

YUP. THEY MANAGED 5 PEOPLE IN THE ONE MONTH OF DATING

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

No

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

I wanna make myself look more masc

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Oh yeah. I’m not someone to cry a lot but like?? I’ve had my days

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

mhm

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

HHHH

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

BUDDY

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Most people I’ve kissed are older than me

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yup. Ended poorly

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

Yup

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Yeah. 

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Yeah

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

No

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

Didn’t I say I was a virgin literally in the first few questions

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

Depends on the mood I guess

43. How long was your longest relationship?

6 months and they left me for someone else

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

6???

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

I didn’t have my first kiss until 2014

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

BOI

47. How old are you?

Old enough to have chronic back pain and complain about technology apparently.

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

I mean I’m sad, but like…. I’m not gonna try to manipulate them?

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

They understand my emotions and are wildly compassionate. NOT TO MENTION HOW TALENTED THEY ARE AT MAKEUP AND UKULELE?

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

Maybe, but I wouldn’t really let them back into my life?

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

I don’t think I’d do EVERYTHING for someone, but there is someone I’d do a lot for. 

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

Some friends I dropped recently. We brought out the worst in one another, and I felt like it was time to leave and try to put more energy into other people. I don’t think the friendship was a waste of time at all. We just grew into very different people and did more fighting than being friends, and I wasn’t gonna stay in a friendship like that. 

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

So far they haven’t voiced it so??? I don’t think so?

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

Absolutely

55. Share a relationship story.

We were in a long distance thing a few years back. We started off as friends and I realized I had feelings, but we waited until the con we met at to make things official. As I was leaving he asked if he could write something about me and he wrote a full 8 pages. Additionally, at our next con, I was super sick (we didn’t know until later I had mono) and almost fainted. He stayed with me the whole time, and, even though I told him it was possible I had mono, he risked it and still kissed me. 

I don’t blame him for not having feelings for me after that. I think we rushed in and were caught up in the obsession, which lasts about 4 months. I was sure of my emotions, and he wasn’t. It’s ok. We knew what we were getting ourselves into to an extent. We’re still distant friends, I think? No hard feelings.

56. State 8 facts about your body

1. I hate it

2. It manages to put away food like it is no one’s business

3. I can wiggle my ears

4. I am very lactose intolerant and get bad stomach aches, but don’t care

5. I can crack my wrist on command

6. Somehow I can get 3 hours of sleep and still function

7. He a tired man

8. My hair and nails grow fucking fast

57. Things you want to say to an ex

Wherever you are, hope you’re doin okay. Sorry things didn’t work out

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

1. Common grounds of interests/morals

2. Be ok with my mood swings and fickleness when it comes to affection

3. Being a storyteller. I love creativity so much?

4. Passion. Someone who is passionate about something (IE hobbies, special interests, etc) is just??? really attractive????

5. I have a thing for people taller than me? Idk

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

Check my “pixie pics” tag (and maybe like or reblog lmaooo)

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

a year and a half???

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

Usually eyes and their hair

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

Being creative and make a project like inspired by me I guess? Idk. Do something unusual. Of course, I am all for cliche, but like being unusual is really cool.

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

Consensual stimulation of sex organs? Idk

64. What is your definition of cheating?

Being with someone without you’re partner’s/partners’ knowledge and consent

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

WHat?

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

Fuckin long-ass paragraphs STORYTELLING

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

Like I said, I love the cliche. Take me to a museum or the park, but even like staying home (If we’ve been seeing one another for a while) and hanging out is cool too. If it’s a first date, something where we can get to talk and know one another

68. What is your sexual orientation?

Probably on the ace spectrum. As for romantic pref?? FLUID AS FUUUUCK

69. What turns you off?

Being rude???

70. What turns you on?

CREATIVITY MAN. IT IS GREAT

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

Fuckin???? I don’t remember my dreams sometimes. Most of them are pretty tame

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

BUDDY NEVER HAD SEX

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

Writing a poem or song is super cute??? Or like when I’m feeling as depressed as I am now, just showing up to my house and kidnapping me for a bit for like a trip to the beach? (Shoutout to my friend Cici who has been a big help all weekend and did just that today??)

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

Being taller than me and also eye color/hair idk. 

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

Refer to 73 where my friend Cici came to my house today WITH ROSES AND FOOD and drove me to the beach and treated me to a few hours of escapism and dinner. She’s a real one. She as well as my sister and my s/o have been helping me through this terrible month. 

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

I stayed up all night with someone to help them through a tough time

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

If you’re under 18 be careful. If you’re over 18 as two consenting adults, you’re pretty much fine. If you’re a pedophile, fuck right off, mate.

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

I think I literally ate dirt as a child???

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

A lotta my friends are getting signed on for top surgery and possible HRT, and like, I am very happy for them, and also I feel like garbage because this is something I’ve wanted for YEARS

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

I told my sister today

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

Pj Liguori, Ethan Nestor, Chris Evans, Hugh Jackman, and Amy Nelson

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

My sister

83. Who was your first kiss with?

Someone I was friends with a while ago at my first Fanime. My first real kiss was with my ex girlfriend

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

He sexually harassed his other boyfriend (I was friends with this other guy and we almost saw one another after we broke up with our ex fun fact)

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

Yeah probably

[sankta-arya]

The Seasons of My Love (4)

Written for day 1 (soulmates) and day 5 (seasons) of @jonsa-week

Rated mature

My laptop was acting up, so it took me a little longer to post the final chapter here.

I Dream of You Amid the Flowers

Chapter title from 'Daydream in Blue' by I Monster

After a short fling with a Dornish girl, Ned Stark meets his soulmate Catelyn.

They decide to get married and are happy to welcome their daughter Sansa into the world soon after.

Over a decade later he finds a boy on his doorstep with nothing but a suitcase and a letter identifying him as his son and no home to return to.

Little does Ned know that his daughter started seeing the world in colours the moment she laid eyes on her half-brother.

Jon is twelve.

His mother grabs him by the arm, pulling him out of the car. She looks nervous, lip twitching and hands shaking, the circles under her eyes darker than he's used to seeing them and her skin more sallow over her sharp cheekbones.

They've been driving for a couple of days, all the way up North. "I can't do this anymore," she muttered several times over the course of their trip. Jon was too frightened to ask what she meant.

At first he was excited that his mother was taking him with her. Before, she'd always disappeared for a couple of days without even telling him, coming home reeking of things Jon couldn't name, still wearing the same clothes she left in.

Mother can be sweet when she feels like it, but every time Jon thinks he's figured out what to do to make her cook for him or give him lunch money or help him with his homework, just when he allows himself to believe she's going to stay, she leaves him again.

When he was little, he didn't want the other kids to know that he cried himself to sleep at night because he couldn't make his mommy love him, but he's a teenager now and men don't cry.

She startles him from his thoughts by shoving an envelope into his hands. "Give this to your father. Tell him you're his responsibility now."

He frowns at her in confusion. She's always told him he doesn't have a father. He glances at the suitcase she's put down next to him and then back at his mother, who's already back in the driver's seat of the car.

"Trust me, kid, you're better off without me," Ashara tells him before taking off without even looking back.

Jon stands there for a moment, staring at his shoes and then turns around to study the house behind him. It's the biggest house he's ever seen, with a nice front yard and a porch swing. Hesitantly he walks to the front door, reaching up to press the doorbell.

His eyes drop to his feet again, studying his frayed shoelaces. The door swings open and he looks up at the person standing in the doorway. It's a girl in a frilly dress, two pigtails hanging over her shoulders. He risks a glance at her face. She must be younger than he is, but she's taller than him.

Her lips are parted in surprise. "Can I help you?" she asks and something in her voice gives him the courage to look up.

He meets her eyes and suddenly the world becomes a brighter place, filled with colours he doesn't know how to name. She clasps a hand over her mouth, as she regards him with eyes large as saucers. For a while they keep staring at each other until she cries out:  "Daddy!"

I loved a maid as green as spring

with flowers in her hair

Jon wasn't sure why he'd decided to come home for spring break. His main motivation for moving away to go to college was to get away from her.

It had all started three years after the Starks had decided to take him. At thirteen, Sansa had become too well-developed for her own good. She'd always been a pretty girl, but instead of going through the awkward phases of puberty like most people, she'd gone straight to drop-dead-gorgeous.

At fifteen, hormones raging through his body, it had been enough to drive Jon out of his mind. Sansa'd had a habit of prancing around the house in miniscule shorts and skin-tight shirts. And as if that wasn't bad enough, she'd always seemed eager to hug him, pressing her braless breasts into his back or chest, or curling herself into his lap.

At sixteen he'd met Ygritte, who was twenty and drove a motorcycle and he'd jumped right into a relationship with the wild thing, trying to distract himself from his inappropriate attraction to his half-sister. He'd even lost his virginity to Ygritte, but it just wasn't meant to last.

At seventeen he'd counted the months until his graduation, so he could finally be free from the spell that was Sansa.

Literally distancing himself from her had given him some semblance of a normal life, but he still missed her, feeling her abscence like a constant ache or hunger.

It didn't matter how many times he let his dormmate Satin suck his cock, he still dreamed of her every night. It was not just sex though. He wanted her. Gods, how he wanted her, but she meant so much more to him.

He missed her voice and her smile and the way she'd glance up at him with those bright blue eyes. He missed her optimism and her unwavering faith in humanity. She never failed to find a solution to any problem, simply because she believed.

It made her strong and vulnerable at the same time. It made him want to hold her close, protecting her from the cruel world, protecting him from his own cynical heart.

Sansa believed they could be together, but Jon knew she was too smart and her future too bright for her to throw it all away for her half-brother.

After sitting in his car across the street from the Stark residence for fifteen minutes, he killed the engine and stepped out. His feet had hardly hit the ground, when the door swung open.

He quickly jogged to the other side of the road and found her standing in the doorway. Before he had a chance to look at her properly, she'd bounded over to him and jumped into his arms.

Relief and warmth washed over him, all tension leaving his body. It was as if he could breathe again for the first time in months. He held her close, breathing her in, relishing the feel of her in his arms.

She pulled back to nudge her nose against his, arms locked around his neck. She gazed into his eyes and he stared back, unable to look away.

He only regained his composure when he heard Bran and Rickon shouting his name. He let the boys lead him inside as they started talking his ear off. When they pulled him over the threshold, he couldn't help but turn one last time to let his eyes feast on the vision of Sansa in a grey sweater and black leggings.

***

Jon had decided to retreat to the tree house for the day. He and Ned had built it during his first summer here. It had taken a while for Jon to get used to being part of a family and the tree house had become his safe space.

He was lost in thought and the book he was reading, when he heard someone climbing up the ladder. He needn't look up to know that it was Sansa.

She tiptoed over to him and folded herself onto the floor, burrowing under his arm and nuzzling her face into his neck. "I've missed you," she murmured against his skin.

He closed his book and exhaled heavily through his nose. He put the book aside, still avoiding her face, only betrayed by the hand that had started stroking her arm as soon as she'd snuggled into his side.

He looked down to find her studying his face. The fingers of her left hand started playing with the hair that peeked out from under the neckline of his shirt as she gazed up at him with big innocent eyes. She'd tucked cherry blossoms into her fiery braid which hung bright against her bottle green dress.

"I've missed you, too," he whispered roughly.

A radiant smile spread over her face and she let her head rest against his shoulder. "I've made a terrible mistake, Jon," she muttered.

His heart almost stopped. He gulped. "What happened, sweetling? Tell me."

"I tried to follow your advice," she began. "Go out, meet other people. And I- I found myself a boyfriend."

He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to ignore the monster that roared inside him as he imagined Sansa with another man.

She buried her face in his neck, fisting her hand into the fabric of his shirt. "Harry seemed so nice and I was angry with you for leaving me. I let him.... take my virginity and-" her voice broke down into a sob.

His free hand came up to stroke her hair as his stomach churned at the idea alone. Gently he lifted her chin until he could meet her teary eyes. "Did- did he hurt you? I swear I'll kill him if he did," he murmured fiercely.

She shook her head. "No, not like that. He dumped me the day after," she whispered.

Jon clenched his jaw, his blood boiling with rage. "Fucking douchebag!"

She averted her eyes. "I'm such an idiot."

"Don't say that!" he objected, stroking her cheek.

"I am," she whimpered. "It should have been you, Jon!"

He released her, turning away. "Sansa," he warned her. "Please, don't."

His rejection only seemed to make her more determined. She braced her hands on his shoulders to swing one leg over his so she could straddle his lap.

He looked down to avoid her eyes, nails digging into the wooden floor at the sight of her skirt riding up her milky thighs where they were spread open over his.

"Look at me and tell me you don't want me, Jon," she whispered.

Foolishly he glanced up at her face and gulped. "I can't," he rasped, even with the voices inside his head calling him a sick bastard.

She beamed at him, hands carding through the curls at the nape of his neck and started leaning in.

She slanted her mouth over his and lightly brushed her lips over his again and again, undeterred by his lack of his response.

His lips parted with a small gasp when she lightly nipped at them and she didn't waste the opportunity to slide her tongue into his mouth.

His hands flew to her waist, pulling her closer as he kissed her back hungrily. He groaned into her eager mouth. She tasted of candy shoe strings, which he'd normally find too sweet, but discovered he simply loved on Sansa's tongue.

When they parted, she let out a breathless giggle which shot straight to his already suffering cock.

This wasn't the first time they'd kissed, but he knew it needed to be the last.

"I'll be eighteen in a couple of months. We could run away together to a place where nobody's ever heard of Jon Dayne or Sansa Stark," she panted into his ear.

"Sansa, we can't," he sighed, struggling to keep his voice devoid of emotion. "I can't give you the future you deserve."

She pressed a kiss to his jaw. "I don't care. As long as I have you."

"What about our family, Sansa?"

She considered his question for a minute. "I'll miss them, too. But we could leave them a letter, to explain. Mom and Dad know what it's like. They'd understand."

Jon didn't want to imagine the looks on Ned and Cat's faces if they ever found out the truth. He owed everything to them. "No, San, we couldn't do that to them."

She pushed herself off him, turning her back to him. She threw him a scowl before she started descending the ladder. "You're just a coward, Jon!"

***

When Jon woke up in the middle of the night, he found her lying next to him, snuggled into his side under the covers.

Mind still drunk with sleep, he pulled her closer and she draped a leg over his hips, pressing her hot core against his groin.

It shouldn't surprise him that Sansa mewling his name after he'd kissed her into oblivion was enough to finally push him over the edge.

She swallowed his objections that he didn't have a condom with a kiss and a comment that she was on the pill. "And I trust you, Jon," she murmured against his lips.

When he finally slid inside her, he shouldn't be as overwhelmed as he was that she felt like heaven and home all wrapped up into one.

After, when she was lying in his arms, back pressed flush against his chest, after they'd entrusted the truth and depth of their love to each other's lips and hearts and skin with and without words alike, he couldn't help but wonder: If this is wrong, then why does it feel so right?

[the-idea-master]

Dark! Thalia

So I see a lot of posts talking about the potential of Dark! Percy or Leo etc. Yet I've never really seen one on Dark! Thalia. To me she's probably one of the most likely to have reasons to go dark or turn against the gods. Let's assess her history here. *We know that growing up wasn't easy for her. Her mom was an alcoholic and a popular tv star. *Some things we can assume do to the previous information. Alcoholism often has severe mood swings as a side effect so Thalia has probably seen some pretty scary and ugly sides to her mother that the public doesn't see. For a little kid it must be pretty terrifying. *If her mom was a celebrity there had to be some pressure that went along with that. To be a good kid so her mom's image wasn't damaged. *Going back to Alcoholism it's gotta be tough as a child to slowly comprehend and realize that your mother is drinking herself to death and slowly wasting away. *Part of Thalia must have understood and come to two conclusions about this. One: Her mom wasn't necessarily able to handle the pressures of the media and despite the crap Thalia went through because of her mom she still loved her and would most likely developed a certain bitterness towards the media and most and prying people. Two: She would also realize that it would be easier on her mom if her Dad was there. She'd grow bitter towards him because to her, if he stuck around maybe none of this would have happened. *Later her father actually comes back which must seem like a miracle to her. Imagine the hope that would bubble up in her little chest. Things were going to be fixed and she and her mom could be happy. *Now imagine her finding out that he wasn't going to stick around and then finding out her mom is pregnant. Not only that but coming to the conclusion that her father, who for a split second was her hero, had now only made things worse. *Imagine Thalia being so grown up at such a young age. Imagine her trying to keep her mother from drinking because she's pregnant. Or trying to help with things like making dinner and cleaning the house. *Then Jason is born. And she's sitting there holding this small innocent child. A kid whose done nothing wrong and she reflects on all of the crap she's dealt with and decides that won't happen to him, it can't. *Thalia doing everything in her power to give him a better childhood than she had. He becomes her world. Thalia is his world and for a bit he's the source of her only happiness. Thalia would end up losing her own childhood to raise him. *Now picture this. Picture Thalia scouring around for Jason complete panic kicking in because "how could I lose him?" "This is my fault!" Only to realize that her mother is oddly calm about this. Being told that Jason was gone for good and suddenly her world just collapses. *There's no reason for her to stay anymore. Because honestly she's contemplated running away before. But she stays a bit longer because she'll feel guilty. Because her mom needs her. But she eventually can't take it anymore so she runs away. *She then meets Luke. A boy who understands everything she's going through. And for once she can be herself and do as she pleases without having to worry about anyone. She gets a bit of that childlike freedom back. *She finds Annabeth and every instinct n her being is screaming to protect her. Because Annabeth looks like Jason, she's as small and innocent as he is, and damn it "I failed Jason but I'm not failing her." *Thalia finally has a family she wants. A family she loves. Only it doesn't last. *That night on the hill she's not letting anyone touch the people she cares about because she failed once with her brother and it will not happen again. Not ever. *Imagine the fear and sadness because she knows there's no way out of this. But there's cult there too because this is her fault isn't it? She's the daughter of the king of the gods. The monsters are after her. Not them. *She dies. When she wakes its an entirely different world. *The little girl she protected for so long is now nearly her age. She missed Annabeth's childhood. She missed getting to see Annabeth grow up but now Annabeth has Percy. Annabeth doesn't need Thalia anymore and it's heartbreaking. *What's worse is then she discovers the boy who helped take care of her is evil. It doesn't make sense at first but then comes the guilt. If she'd been alive maybe this wouldn't have happened. *Not only that but her first mission and Luke tries to hurt Annabeth. But a part of her doesn't believe it. Not until she sees it. *What we have to understand is that right now at this point she's also understanding that the prophecy is about her. Not Percy. Not anymore at the moment. *The bitterness at the world inside of her had to have been so much. So strong. Later she would find out the only reason Luke wanted her to live was so he could be a part of his evil plan. *Fast forward to the moment she has to fight him on mount Tam. The real moment she realized Luke isn't the same person anymore. The pain of coming to terms with that would hurt so much. Yet she'd also realize that to an extent he's right, the gods caused it all, but she can't side with him because it isn't right. *She then becomes the lieutenant of Artemis and has to prepare for a war. *When the final battle comes around the people she cares about most are constantly on the verge of dying. What's more is that throughout this entire series Zeus does not show his appreciation for the sacrifices she's made. And when he does it's an after thought. In the titans curse one of her biggest struggles as a character is the idea of whether or not her father even cares about her. *Later she, Percy, Grover, and Annabeth are racing to the throne room. A statue of Hera falls and it's supposed to be for Annabeth but without hesitation she once again saved Annabeth. Saved the girl she promised to protect and in the process gets injured. *Everything is like an endless spiral for her. Nothing ever really looks up. Luke dies and she learns that he was himself in the final moments. *Whats worse however is that she wasn't there to see it. All she remembers is him trying to kill her. That's her last memory of him. His evilness not his kindness. *The war is over and everyone gets their happy ending but she goes back on the hunt again. *A new war comes up and she is left leading the hunters as the sort of clean up party. Trying to keep things in check while the gods lose their minds. It isn't all that fair. *A brief moment of happiness comes when she is reunited with Jason but he's so big. So grown up and just like with Annabeth she's missed him grow into a handsome young man. He won't need her that much anymore. *Without hesitating she is going to help him in his quest. Only to find out the reason all of this happened was because of Hera. Who has already taken enough. Yet Thalia's supposed to just let her baby brother go on a quest and save the world when she's just now gotten him back. A quest where he could very well die and she couldn't protect him. *Then to make things worse she has to continue playing clean up and wrangling monsters while everyone prepares for war. Only for all of her friends to go on a quest and risk death with no way to necessarily contact them. Imagine all of this boiling up. It would be so tiring. So exhausting that you can't help but wonder how she hasn't snapped yet? Percy and Leo and the others both got the love of at least one parent. She got the love of none. She raised her brother. She died for her fiends only to come back into a world she didn't know. If anyone has a right to snap it's her. Then again all of the demigods have their reasons and it's amazing they've held out so long. Anyways, I figured since no ones done one of these for Thalia I might as well. Thanks for reading,

[juliestacy]

This is one smart device that every urban home could use Natasha Lomas @riptari / 1 day

Living in a dense urban environment brings many startup-fuelled conveniences, be it near instant delivery of food — or pretty much whatever else you fancy — to a whole range of wheels that can be hopped on (or into) to whisk you around at the tap of an app.

But the biggest problem afflicting city dwellers is not some minor inconvenience. It’s bad, poor, terrible, horrible, unhealthy air. And there’s no app to fix that.

Nor can hardware solve this problem. But smart hardware can at least help.

For about a month I’ve been road-testing a wi-fi connected air purifier made by Swedish company, Blueair. It uses an Hepa filtration system combined with integrated air quality sensors to provide real-time in-app feedback which can be reassuring or alert you to unseen problems.

Flip to the bottom of this article for a speed take or continue reading for the full review of the Blueair Classic 480i with dual filters to reduce dust, smoke and pollen

Review

If you’re even vaguely environmentally aware it’s fascinating and not a little horrifying to see how variable the air quality is inside your home. Everyday stuff like cooking, cleaning and changing the sheets can cause drastic swings in PM 2.5 and tVOC levels. Aka very small particles such as fine dust, smoke, odours and mite feces; and total volatile organic compounds, which refers to hundreds of different gases emitted by certain solids and liquids — including stuff humans breathe out by also harmful VOCs like formaldehyde.

What you learn from smart hardware can be not just informative but instructive. For instance I’ve switched to a less dusty cat litter after seeing how quickly the machine’s fan stepped up a gear after clearing the litter tray. I also have a new depth of understanding of quite how much pollution finds its way into my apartment when the upstairs neighbour is having a rooftop BBQ. Which makes it doubly offensive I wasn’t invited.

Though, I must admit, I’ve yet to figure out a diplomatic way to convince him to rethink his regular cook-out sessions. Again, some problems can’t be fixed by apps. Meanwhile city life means we’re all, to a greater or lesser degree, adding to the collectively polluted atmosphere. Changing that requires new politics.

You cannot hermetically seal your home against outdoor air pollution. It wouldn’t make for a healthy environment either. Indoor spaces must be properly ventilated. Adequate ventilation is also of course necessary to control moisture levels to prevent other nasty issues like mould. And using this device I’ve watched as opening a window almost instantly reduced tVOC levels.

Pretty much every city resident is affected by air pollution, to some degree. And it’s a heck of a lot harder to switch your home than change your brand of cat litter. But even on that far less fixable front, having an air quality sensor indoors can be really useful — to help you figure out the best (and worst) times to air out the house. I certainly won’t be opening the balcony doors on a busy Saturday afternoon any time soon, for example.

Blueair sells a range of air purifiers. The model I’ve been testing, the Blueair Classic 480i, is large enough to filter a room of up to 40m2. It includes filters capable of filtering both particulate matter and traffic fumes (aka its “SmokeStop” filter). The latter was important for me, given I live near a pretty busy road. But the model can be bought with just a particle filter if you prefer. The dual filtration model I’m testing is priced at €725 for EU buyers.

Point number one is that if you’re serious about improving indoor air quality the size of an air purifier really does matter. You need a device with a fan that’s powerful enough to cycle all the air in the room in a reasonable timeframe. (Blueair promises five air changes per hour for this model, per the correct room size).

So while smaller air filter devices might look cute, if a desktop is all the space you can stretch to you’d probably be better off getting a few pot plants.

Blueair’s hardware also has software in the mix too, of course. The companion Blueair Friend app serves up the real-time feedback on both indoor air quality and out. The latter via a third party service whose provider can vary depending on your location. Where I live in Europe it’s powered by BreezoMeter.

This is a handy addition for getting the bigger picture. If you find you have stubbornly bad air quality levels indoors and really can’t figure out why, most often a quick tab switch will confirm local pollution levels are indeed awful right now. It’s likely not just you but the whole neighbourhood suffering.

Dirty cities

From Asia to America the burning of fossil fuels has consequences for air quality and health that are usually especially pronounced in dense urban environments where humans increasingly live. More than half the world’s population now lives in urban areas — with the UN predicting this will grow to around 70% by 2050.

In Europe, this is already true for more than 70% of the population which makes air pollution a major concern in many regional cities.

Growing awareness of the problem is beginning to lead to policy interventions — such as London’s ultra low emission charging zone and car free Sundays one day a month in Paris’ city center. But EU citizens are still, all too often, stuck sucking in unhealthy air.

London’s toxic air is an invisible killer.

We launched the world’s first Ultra Low Emission Zone to cut air pollution. Since then, there have been on average 9400 fewer polluting vehicles on our streets every day. #LetLondonBreathe #ULEZ pic.twitter.com/0mYcIGi1xP

— Mayor of London (@MayorofLondon) May 23, 2019

Last year six EU nations, including the UK, France and Germany, were referred to the highest court in Europe for failing to tackle air pollution — including illegally high levels of nitrogen dioxide produced by diesel-powered vehicles.

Around one in eight EU citizens who live in an urban area is exposed to air pollutant levels that exceed one or more of the region’s air quality standards, according to a briefing note published by the European Environment Agency (EEA) last year.

It also said up to 96% of EU urban citizens are exposed to levels of one or more air pollutants deemed damaging to health when measured against the World Health Organization’s more stringent guidelines.

There are multiple and sometimes interlinked factors impacting air quality in urban environments. Traffic fumes is a very big one. But changes in meteorological conditions due to climate change are also expected to increase certain concentrations of air pollutants. While emissions from wildfires is another problem exacerbated by drought conditions which are linked to climate change that can also degrade air quality in nearby cities.

Action to tackle climate change continues to lag far behind what’s needed to put a check on global warming. Even as far too little is still being done in most urban regions to reduce vehicular emissions at a local level.

In short, this problem isn’t going away anytime soon — and all too often air quality is still getting worse.

At the same time health risks from air pollution are omnipresent and can be especially dangerous for children. A landmark global study of the impact of traffic fumes on childhood asthma, published recently in the Lancet, estimates that four million children develop the condition every year primarily as a result of nitrogen dioxide air pollution emitted by vehicles.

The majority (64%) of these new cases were found to occur in urban centres — increasing to 90% when factoring in surrounding suburban areas.

The study also found that damage caused by air pollution is not limited to the most highly polluted cities in China and India. “Many high-income countries have high NO2 exposures, especially those in North America, western Europe, and Asia Pacific,” it notes.

The long and short of all this is that cities the world over are going to need to get radically great at managing air quality — especially traffic emissions — and fast. But, in the meanwhile, city dwellers who can’t or don’t want to quit the bright lights are stuck breathing dirty air. So it’s easy to imagine consumer demand growing for in-home devices that can sense and filter pollutants as urbanities try to find ways to balance living in a city with reducing their exposure to the bad stuff.

Cleaner air

That’s not to say that any commercial air purifier will be able to provide a complete fix. The overarching problem of air pollution is far too big and bad for that. A true fix would demand radical policy interventions, such as removing all polluting vehicles from urban living spaces. (And there’s precious little sign of anything so radical on the horizon.)

But at least at an individual home level, a large air purifier with decent filtration technology should reduce your exposure to pollution in the place you likely spend the most time.

If, as the Blueair Classic 480i model does, the filtration device also includes embedded sensors to give real-time feedback on air quality it can further help you manage pollution risk — by providing data so you can better understand the risks in and around your home and make better decisions about, for instance, when to open a window.

“Air quality does always change,” admits Blueair’s chief product officer, Jonas Holst, when we chat. “We cannot promise to our consumers that you will always have super, super, clean air. But we can promise to consumers that you will always have a lot cleaner air by having our product — because it depends on what happens around you. In the outdoor, by your neighbours, if you’re cooking, what your cat does or something. All of those things impact air quality.

“But by having high speeds, thanks to the HepaSilent technology that we use, we can make sure that we always constantly fight that bombardment of pollutants.”

On the technology front, Blueair is using established filtration technology — Hepa and active carbon filters to remove particular matter and gaseous pollutants — but with an ionizing twist (which it brands ‘HepaSilent’).

This involves applying mechanical and electrostatic filtration in combination to enhance performance of the air purifier without boosting noise levels or requiring large amounts of energy to run. Holst dubs it one of the “core strengths” of the Blueair product line.

“Mechanical filtration just means a filter [plus a fan to draw the air through it]. We have a filter but by using the ionization chamber we have inside the product we can boost the performance of the filter without making it very, very dense. And by doing that we can let more air through the product and simply then clean more air faster,” he explains.

“It’s also something that is constantly being developed,” he adds of the firm’s Hepa + ionizing technology, which it’s been developing in its products for some 20 years. “We have had many developments of this technology since but the base technical structure is there in the combination between a mechanical and electrostatical filtration. That is what allows us to have less noise and less energy because the fan doesn’t work as hard.”

On top of that, in the model I’m testing, Blueair has embedded air quality sensors — which connect via wi-fi to the companion app where the curious user can see real-time plots of things like PM 2.5 and tVOC levels, and start to join the dots between what’s going on in their home and what the machine is sniffing out.

The sensors mean the unit can step up and down the fan speed and filtration level automatically in response to pollution spikes (you can choose it to trigger on particulate matter only, or PM 2.5 and tVOC gaseous compounds, or turn automation off altogether). So if you’re really not at all curious that’s okay too. You can just plug it in, hook it to the wi-fi and let it work.

Sound, energy and sensing smarts in a big package

To give a ballpark of energy consumption for this model, Holst says the Blueair Classic 480i consumes “approximately” the same amount of energy as running a lightbulb — assuming it’s running mostly on lower fan speeds.

As and when the fan steps up in response to a spike in levels of potential pollutants he admits it will consume “a little bit more” energy.

The official specs list the model’s energy consumption at between 15-90 watts.

On the noise front it’s extremely quiet when on the lowest fan setting. To the point of being barely noticeable. You can sleep in the same room and certainly won’t be kept awake.

You will notice when the fan switches up to the second or, especially, the third (max) speed — where it can hit 52 dB(A)). The latter’s rushing air sounds are discernible from a distance, even in another room. But you hopefully won’t be stuck listening to level 3 fan noise for too long, unless you live in a really polluted place. Or, well, unless you run into an algorithmic malfunction (more on that below).

As noted earlier, the unit’s smart sensing capabilities mean fan speed can be set to automatically adjust in response to changing pollution levels — which is obviously the most useful mode to use since you won’t need to keep checking in to see whether or not the air is clean.

You can manually override the automation and fix/switch the fan at a speed of your choice via the app. And as I found there are scenarios where an override is essential. Which we’ll get to shortly.

The unit I was testing, a model that’s around two years old, arrived with instructions to let it run for a week without unplugging so that the machine learning algorithms could configure to local conditions and offer a more accurate read on gases and particles. Holst told us that the U.S. version of the 480i is “slightly updated” — and, as such, this learning process has been eliminated. So you should be able to just plug it in and get the most accurate reads right away.

The company recommends changing the filters every six months to “ensure performance”, or more if you live in a very polluted area. The companion app tracks days (estimated) remaining running time in the form of a days left countdown.

Looks wise, there’s no getting around the Blueair Classic 480i is a big device. Think ‘bedside table’ big.

You’re not going to miss it in your room and it does need a bigger footprint of free space around it so as not to block the air intake and outlet. Something in the region of ~80x60cm. Its lozenge shape helps by ensuring no awkward corners and with finding somewhere it can be parked parallel but not too close to a wall.

There’s not much more to say about the design of this particular model except that it’s thoughtful. The unit has a minimalist look which avoids coming across too much like a piece of ugly office furniture. While its white and gun metal grey hues plus curved flanks help it blend into the background. I haven’t found it to be an eyesore.

A neat flip up lid hides a set of basic physical controls. But once you’ve done the wi-fi set-up and linked it to the companion app you may never need to use these buttons as everything can be controlled in the app.

Real-time pollution levels at your fingertips

Warning: This app can be addictive! For weeks after installing the unit it was almost impossible to resist constantly checking the pollution levels. Mostly because it was fascinating to watch how domestic activity could send one or other level spiking or falling.

As well as PM 2.5 and tVOC pollutants this model tracks temperature and humidity levels. It offers day, week and monthly plots for everything it tracks.

The day view is definitely the most addictive — as it’s where you see instant changes and can try to understand what’s triggering what. So you can literally join the dots between, for example, hearing a street sweeper below your window and watching a rise in PM 2.5 levels in the app right after. Erk!

Though don’t expect a more detailed breakdown of the two pollutant categories; it’s an aggregated mix in both cases. (And some of the gases that make up the tVOC mix aren’t harmful.)

The month tab gives a longer overview which can be handy to spot regular pollution patterns (though the view is a little cramped on less phablet-y smartphone screens).

While week view offers a more recent snapshot if you’re trying to get a sense of your average pollution exposure over a shorter time frame.

That was one feature I thought the app could have calculated for you. But, equally, more granular quantification might risk over-egging the pudding. It would also risk being mislead if the sensor accuracy fails on you. The overarching problem with pollution exposure is that, sadly, there’s only so much an individual can do to reduce it. So it probably makes sense not to calculate your pollution exposure score.

The app could certainly provide more detail than it does but Holst told us the aim is to offer enough info to people who are interested without it being overwhelming. He also said many customers just want to plug it in and let it work, not be checking out daily charts. (Though if you’re geeky you will of course want the data.)

It’s clear there is lots of simplification going, as you’d expect with this being a consumer device, not a scientific instrument. I found the Blueair app satisfied my surface curiosity while seeing ways its utility could be extended with more features. But in the end I get that it’s designed to be an air-suck, not a time-suck, so I do think they’ve got the balance there pretty much right.

There are enough real-time signals to be able to link specific activities/events with changes in air quality. So you can literally watch as the tVOC level drops when you open a window. (Or rises if your neighbor is BBQing… ). And I very quickly learnt that opening a window will (usually) lower tVOC but send PM 2.5 rising — at least where I live in a dusty, polluted city. So, again, cleaner air is all you should expect.

Using the app you can try and figure out, for instance, optimal ventilation timings. I also found having the real-time info gave me a new appreciation for heavy rain — which seemed to be really great for clearing dust out of the air, frequently translating into “excellent” levels of PM 2.5 in the app for a while after.

Here are a few examples of how the sensors reacted to different events — and what the reaction suggests…

Cleaning products can temporarily spike tVOC levels:

Changing bed sheets can also look pretty disturbing…

An evening BBQ on a nearby roof terrace appears much, much worse though:

And opening the balcony door to the street on a busy Saturday afternoon is just… insane…

Uh-oh, algorithm malfunction…

After a few minutes of leaving the balcony door open one fateful Saturday afternoon, which almost instantly sent the unit into max fan speed overdrive, I was surprised to find the fan still blasting away an hour later, and then three hours later, and at bedtime, and in the morning. By which point I thought something really didn’t seem right.

The read from the app showed the pollution level had dropped down from the very high spike but it was still being rated as ‘polluted’ — a level which keeps the fan at the top speed. So I started to suspect something had misfired.

This is where being able to switch to manual is essential — meaning I could override the algorithm’s conviction that the air was really bad and dial the fan down to a lower setting.

That override provided a temporary ‘fix’ but the unnaturally elevated ‘pollution’ read continued for the best part of a week. This made it look like the whole sensing capacity had broken. And without the ability to automatically adapt to changing pollution levels the smart air purifier was now suddenly dumb…

It turned out Blueair has a fix for this sort of algorithmic malfunction. Though it’s not quick.

After explaining the issue to the company, laying out my suspicion that the sensors weren’t reading correctly, it told me the algorithms are programmed to respond to this type of situation by reseting around seven days after the event, assuming the read accuracy hasn’t already corrected itself by then.

Sure enough, almost a week later that’s exactly what happened. Though I couldn’t find anything to explain this might happen in the user manual, so it would be helpful if they include it in a troubleshooting section.

Here’s the month view showing the crazy PM 2.5 spike; the elevated extended (false) reading; then the correction; followed finally by (relatively) normal service…

For a while after this incident the algorithms also seemed overly sensitive — and I had to step in again several times to override the top gear setting as its read on pollution levels was back into the yellow without an obvious reason why.

When the level reads ‘polluted’ it automatically triggers the highest fan speed. Paradoxically, this sometimes seems to have the self-defeating effect of appearing to draw dust up into the air — thereby keeping the PM 2.5 level elevated. So at times manually lowering the fan when it’s only slightly polluted can reduce pollution levels quicker than just letting it blast away. Which is one product niggle.

When viewed in the app the sustained elevated pollution level did look pretty obviously wrong — to the human brain at least. So, like every ‘smart’ device, this one also benefits from having human logic involved to complete the loop.

Concluding thoughts after a month’s use

A few weeks on from the first algorithm malfunction the unit’s sensing capacity at first appeared to have stabilized — in that it was back to the not-so-hair-trigger-sensitivity that had been the case prior to balcony-door-gate.

For a while it seemed less prone to have a sustained freak out over relatively minor domestic activities like lifting clean sheets out of the cupboard, as if it had clicked into a smoother operating grove. Though I remained wary of trying the full bore Saturday balcony door.

I thought this period of relative tranquility might signal improved measurement accuracy, the learning algos having been through not just an initial training cycle but a major malfunction plus correction. Though of course there was no way to be sure.

It’s possible there had also been a genuine improvement in indoor air quality — i.e. as a consequence of, for example, better ventilation habits and avoiding key pollution triggers because I now have real-time air quality feedback to act on so can be smarter about when to open windows, where to shake sheets, which type of cat litter to buy and so on.

It’s a reassuring idea. Though one that requires putting your faith in algorithms that are demonstrably far from perfect. Even when they’re functioning they’re a simplification and approximation of what’s really going on. And when they fail, well, they are clearly getting it totally wrong.

Almost bang on the month mark of testing there was suddenly another crazy high PM 2.5 spike.

One rainy afternoon the read surged from ‘good’ to ‘highly polluted’ without any real explanation. I had opened a patio on the other side of the apartment but it does not open onto a street. This time the reading stuck at 400 even with the fan going full blast. So it looked like an even more major algorithm crash…

Really clean air is impossible to mistake. Take a walk in the mountains far from civilization and your lungs will thank you. But cleaner air is harder for humans to quantify. Yet, increasingly, we do need to know how clean or otherwise the stuff we’re breathing is, as more of us are packed into cities exposed to each others’ fumes — and because the harmful health impacts of pollution are increasingly clear.

Without radical policy interventions we’re fast accelerating towards a place where we could be forced to trust sensing algorithms to tell us whether what we’re breathing is harmful or not.

Machines whose algorithms are fallible and might be making rough guestimates, and/or prone to sensing malfunctions. And machines that also won’t be able to promise to make the air entirely safe to breathe. Frankly it’s pretty scary to contemplate.

So while I can’t now imagine doing without some form of in-home air purifier to help manage my urban pollution risk — I’d definitely prefer that this kind of smart hardware wasn’t necessary at all.

In Blueair’s case, the company clearly still has work to do to improve the robustness of its sensing algorithms. Operating conditions for this sort of product will obviously vary widely, so there’s loads of parameters for its algorithms to balance.

With all that stuff to juggle it just seems a bit too easy for the sensing function to spin out of control.

10-second take

The good

Easy to set up, thoughtful product design, including relatively clear in-app controls and content which lets you understand pollution triggers to manage risk. Embedded air quality sensors greatly extend the product’s utility by enabling autonomous response to changes in pollution levels. Quiet operation during regular conditions. Choice of automated or manual fan speed settings. Filtration is powerful and since using the device indoor air quality does seem cleaner.

The bad

Sensing accuracy is not always reliable. The algorithms appear prone to being confused by air pressure changes indoors, such as a large window being opened which can trigger unbelievably high pollution readings that lead to an extended period of inaccurate readings when you can’t rely on the automation to work at all. I also found the feedback in the app can sometimes lag. App content/features are on the minimalist side so you may want more detail. When the pollution level is marginal an elevated fan speed can sometimes appear to challenge the efficacy of the filtration as if it’s holding pollution levels in place rather than reducing them.

Bottom line

If you’re looking for a smart air purifier the Blueair Classic 480i does have a lot to recommend it. Quiet operation, ease of use and a tangible improvement in air quality, thanks to powerful filtration. However the accuracy of the sensing algorithms does pose a dilemma. For me this problem has recurred twice in a month. That’s clearly not ideal when it takes a full week to reset. If it were not for this reliability issue I would not hesitate to recommend the product, as — when not going crazy — the real-time feedback it provides really helps you manage a variety of pollution risks in and around your home. Hopefully the company will work on improving the stability of the algorithms. Or at least offer an option in the app so you can manually reset it if/when it does go wrong.

Original Article

This is one smart device that every urban home could use

This is one smart device that every urban home could use Natasha Lomas @riptari / 1 day …

This is one smart device that every urban home could use This is one smart device that every urban home could use Natasha Lomas @riptari / 1 day …

[confusedparents-blog]

The “Modern Mommy” considers the 30’s as the perfect time to step into “motherhood”. You are settled with a good job and are mentally more matured to embark into parenthood – as tedious a task it can get.

This blog is about Getting Pregnant in Your 20s, 30s & 40s.

While every coin is two profile, the good is that you enjoy your independence for a couple of years longer than many of your friends. The flip-side is that your body’s child-bearing ability (fertility) in comparison to your 20’s has significant difference. For every decade-related advantage, a drawback exists. While age is a continuum—your eggs won’t instantaneously shrivel the instantly overnight when you turn naughty at 40. Let’s take a sneak-peak into Getting Pregnant in Your 20s, 30s & 40s.

Getting Pregnant in Your 20s

Getting Pregnant in Your 30s

Getting Pregnant in Your 40s

Child Bearing Potential

Only 7% of the women age 20-25years & 9% between 26-30years face fertility issues. The Prime Age of Fecundity is 25years.

15% between 35-40 years. Drops considerably after 35. Risk of Gestational Diabetes & Hypertension Increases.

1 in 4 pregnancies will fail. More likely to have a pre-term or a low-weight baby. After 43 the chances of having a baby with your own eggs plummets to 10%.

Risk of Miscarriage

Lowest – Only 9.5% between 20-24 years of age. 12% between 25-30 years. Less prone to chromosomal mistakes.

18% ~35 years. Propels to 34% by 40years of age. Risk of Down’s Syndrome and other Neurological disorders accelerate after mid 30s.

The chances of miscarriage is almost 50% after 45 years. Also, the chances of Breast Cancer(Lifetime) increases with late pregnancy.

Flexibility & Energy

Boundless energy & highest flexibility – You look & feel great. You can carry, swing and play along with your child almost all day long.

Babies have the energy of “Lightning McQueen”. By late 30s, you will feel like a Zootopia Sloth trying to keep up to the overflowing zeal & zest of your toddler.

Obviously the lowest – but also depends on your lifestyle, health & perspective of life. Regular exercise can help retain energy and maintain flexibility.

Financial Standing

If both parents are bread-winners for the family, it’s a big financial hit because you haven’t got a chance to climb up in the rat race.

Great. You can always keep in touch with colleagues which can come handy when you want to resume work.

Very stable – You have realized your corporate dreams. Buying expensive branded clothes with an exuberance of cuteness doesn’t pinch the pockets.

Ectopic Pregnancy

Chances that the implantation takes place in the fallopian tube, outside the uterus is minimal for women under 25. It increases between 26-30 years – 37%

The incidence of ectopic pregnancy increases since your fallopian tube may have been infected or may have scar tissues.

After 40 it dramatically increases from 19% to almost 47% after 45 years , leading to miscarriage in most cases. It can be life-threatening in some  cases.

Fertility Issues

At Puberty the eggs number between 3-4Lacs every year & drops by 13,000 thereafter ever year. So, in your 20’s you are less likely to have issues related to fertility.

Nosediving at 38% after 35 years, you are bound to face fertility issues.) double than your 20s. Supply of eggs is only about 25,000 every year by 37 years.

At 40years your chance of conceiving within a year is about 45% however, by 43years miraculously it drops to 2%. Risk of Down Syndrome at 45 drops from 1 in 100 at 40 to 1 in 30 at 45.

Cesarean Vs Normal Delivery

Wondering how to get a normal delivery? Chances of Cesarian is the lowest in mid 20s ~14%.  Your pelvic muscles are more flexibles.

The chances of having a Cesarean rises to 43% after 35 years. Complications increase with age.

Fetal distress, prolonged 2ndstage labor lead to cesarian in most cases.

Twin Pregnancies

1 in 16 pregnancies result in twins. Shocking that the % only creases every year since obesity is on the rise. Other factors may be heredity, undergoing fertility issues or height (tall).

Wondering how to get pregnant fast with twins? 1 in 5 pregnancies result in twin pregnancies between 35-39 years. Women above 35 produce more FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone) leading to more than one egg being released.

Women undergoing IVF treatments also have a higher chance of bearing twins. About 13% for women between 41-43 and it drops to 8.5% thereafter. Hence, odds of multiple birth reduces.

Maturity – Mental, Physical & Emotional

Stress creates tension & dissatisfaction in marital relationships. She who threw a surprise birthday party for her bestie 2 years ago, suddenly is bound by home, chores & child.

Age & Maturity do not necessarily progress proportionately. But in your 30s, you are more matured than in your 20s since You have observed babies family & friends of similar age being nurtured –parenting is easier.

Maturity at this age is evidently higher since you have already seen a lot in life. Also, your husband is most likely more supportive. Family holds significantly higher importance than partying with friends especially if you as a couple has strived hard to conceive a baby.

Upbringing Of Your Child

Your child gets all the love from the family members while you and they are still young. You are happy because your family, grandparents in particular, collectively can inculcate the right value system & culture that you single-handedly probably can’t.

While you are in your mid 30’s your parents are in their 3rdinnings of their life, most likely retired. While they may be unable to help too much with coping up with the adventurous and curious young turks, they certainly can spend quality time with their grandchildren imbibing good values through bed-timestories.

In the last leg of your 40s, you may have to independently take care of your toddler in personal capacity. While you can very well afford domestic help, the upbringing of a child amidst family vastly differs from that of others.

How Can You Avoid Miscarriage After 35? – How to Prevent Miscarriage After 35

Chorionic Villus Sampling (CVS) – CVS is a prenatal test done to diagnose many high risk conditions.

At about 35, many women may need minor ( if any) medical intervention to get pregnant. But if they want another next child, say around 39, those same medications are less likely to work effectively. So, how to get pregnant after 35?

Overall, in your 30s you have about 15% chance of getting pregnant in any single ovulation cycle. Your chances of conceiving in early 30s within a year are about 75%. But child bearing potential wanes as you grow old, so in your late 30s, your chance of getting pregnant within a year drops to 65 percent.

Typically, you release one egg a cycle. But as you get older, your follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH) level increases. When this hormonal surge occurs, there’s a chance you may release more than one egg during a cycle, upping the odds of a multiple birth. So, you are in your mid 30s & having intercourse (unprotected) about thrice a week for 6-9 months, you should probably consult your gynecologist.

While the Average “Child Bearing Age” has increased with time, and many women consciously choose to step into motherhood only after 35, you should consider freezing your eggs to increase the chances of pregnancy in your early 30s and solving the biggest question for over 35 Pregnancies – How to Prevent Miscarriage After 35.

If You Are New-Mommy Aged Between 20-25

Well you know the best positions to get pregnant even with irregular periods, your chances of pregnancy are very high-

You look young, confident & your skin more resilient hence the tendency to deal with stretch marks is much better because of “Fascia which cushion like a sheath to keep our waistlines compact & helps us get back to shape.

The chances of a chromosomal abnormality is only 1 in 500 & Down Syndrome is only 1 in 1250.

If You Are A New Mommy Between 26-30

How to get pregnant quickly & naturally within 2 months is best possible in this age bracket –

You are less prone to health problems relative to early 20s. Girls in early 20s are prone develop more health problems than those who wait until their early 30s. Chances of miscarriage spirals to ~13 percent. Down Syndrome risk at 30years is 1 in 1,000 and 1 in 400 for Chromosomal Abnormality. An indicative study has proved that children of older parents have a slightly higher scoring ability at school.

You are at cross-roads considering career & finance banking on a good come-back post-delivery. However, emotionally you are charged with great emotional and physical maturity to bond with your child as well as your spouse. At this juncture, you can easily cope up with the boundless energy of your toddler making you feel ecstatic and confident.

If You Are A New Mommy Is Aged 31-34 years – Tips for Getting Pregnant in Your 30s

“I need to become pregnant this month” maynot work in your mid 30’s, your body is undergoing many hormonal changes; so how to get pregnant after 30 –

There’s a clear drop-off in fertility between ages 31 and 35.

You are confident; mentally & financially more stable to embrace parenthood.

You have not compromised with your career.

If You Are A New Mommy Is Aged 35-39 years – Tips For Getting Pregnant in Your 30s

Getting pregnant fast and easy after 35 maybe difficult, so how to get pregnant after 35 –

20% women in this age group will have trouble conceiving 25% of them will end in complications & thus miscarriage & the risk of chromosomal abnormalities goes up exponentially- 1 in 100.

You have seen the world and grown through your responses, so when you’re ready to start a family, you bring more resources. You know yourself better.

Your child enjoys more luxury than you could afford 10 years ago.

If You are A New Mommy is 40years+ – Tips for Getting Pregnant in Your 40s

If you are wondering how to get pregnant after 40, you should know –

Slower metabolism makes it harder to bounce back after pregnancy. A regular exercise regimen during and after pregnancy aids to counter age- and weight-related pregnancy complications, such as diabetes, urinary incontinence and uterine prolapse. This is one of the best Tips for getting pregnant in your 40s.

Miscarriage in pregnancy rises to 50%, chance of chromosomal abnormalities nearly doubles from 35 to 40 (it’s 1 in 60 at age 40years; 1 in 40 at age 42years).

“Bring It On!”… you are ready for any task having spent Donkey years dealing with all things but a troublesome toddler.

Since you have a well-established career, you can opt for flexi or work from home options.

The disadvantage is that you will probably see your child get married when you can barely shake a leg during his/her wedding. You may be the oldest mom among all her friends.

Hope this article gave in-depth information on Getting Pregnant In Your 20s, 30s & 40s! Happy Parenting!

Source: https://confusedparent.in/getting-pregnant-in-your-20s-30s-40s/