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xiaomoxu · 4 years

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Lucien’s Mind Quest: Craving

SPOILER ALERT!!

A date from CN server which hasn’t been released on EN server yet. Might contains some spoiler.

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Exclusive Radio

Xu Mo: A Ming, be more concise when submitting reports in the future. Your ability to refine key points needs to be strengthened.

A Ming: Yes, I understand.

Xu Mo: I'm not in the institute next week and will go to another place.

Xu Mo: If you have anything, you can talk to me over the phone.

Xu Mo: Do you have any other questions?

A Ming: Professor, isn't it... from the media who wanted to interview you again?

A Ming: Recently, there have been more reporters outside the Institute, and they all want to interview you about the Kolavo Prize.

A Ming: Even I feel a little troubled

A Ming: Fortunately, you have chosen this period of time for vacation, which is indeed a good thing.

Xu Mo: Not because of this reason.

Xu Mo: I just think that some time ago, I always seemed to be busy with work. Now is the time to give myself a vacation.

A Ming: Do you just want to take a vacation?

Xu Mo: Do you need other reasons?

A Ming: No, no, I just feel a little surprised.

A Ming: After all, from last year until now, professor has almost never been out of the institute except for normal vacations.

A Ming: I feel like you're all focused on work...

Xu Mo: Maybe it is a bit too immersive.

Xu Mo: So this holiday, I want to spend more time with people around me.

A Ming: Oh, I understand why the professor went to another place for vacation.

A Ming: Don't worry! I will never disturb you! Happy vacation, professor!

Xu Mo: You are now very good at refining the point.

A Ming: Hehe...

Xu Mo: Well, it's a date.

🍁

MIND'S QUEST

The traditional style hotel room is warm and dry.

I changed into a yukata, sat on the tatami, took a deep breath, nervously opened the news that popped up on the phone one-

"The announcement of the Kolavo Prize list has been postponed. Can the genius scientist Xu Mo set the record for the youngest winner?"

The bold and enlarged headlines are very eye-catching.

Postponed? I froze for a moment, and hurriedly clicked on the details to quickly browse.

"... Today, the authoritative awards in the scientific community, the winners of the Kolavo Life Science Award, are about to be announced, which has attracted great attention at home and abroad."

"The innovative work done by the scientist Professor Xu Mo in the field of brain science has therefore become the most popular candidate for the award."

"However, according to relevant sources, the selection criteria for

this year's awards have changed compared with previous years, and it is not ruled out that there will be more powerful competitors."

"The Kolavo Prize official also announced just now. Because of the big differences within the jury, the winner list will be postponed to the afternoon..."

I slid the screen, frowning tighter and tighter. Because I was so focused, I didn't even notice that someone was coming towards me.

??: Why are you still watching these news?

Xu Mo said that he put the blanket in his hand on my lap, and his eyes scanned my phone screen.

Xu Mo: A certain someone invited and told me to take vacation and relax....

Xu Mo: But from the way here to now, you have always stared at your phone from time to time.

He paused, with a little dissatisfaction and grievance in his tone.

Xu Mo: Is Professor Xu in this news more attractive to you than Professor Xu in front of you?

I was stunned for a moment and hurriedly turned off the news interface.

MC: Of course not! I just saw this news and clicked in.

MC: And... I mainly watch the weather forecast.

My eyes wide open, try to make your words more convincing.

MC: You see, the snow is so heavy today, the hotel owner also suggested that we can go to the outdoor hot spring again tomorrow.

MC: However, according to the weather forecast, the snow will decrease later. So maybe there is still a chance!

Xu Mo pondered for a moment, laughed faintly, and nodded.

Xu Mo: Well, it seems I misunderstood. It turns out that you have fully considered it

MC: Of course. It is rare that we all have vacation, but I am looking forward to this trip.

This is indeed the truth.

Lately, Xu Mo and I were so busy that we sometimes didn't even have time to have a meal together.

So this time I chose a hot spring hotel specially, just want to stay in the room with him and spend this time peacefully.

I raised my head, took Xu Mo's hand, and shook it lightly.

MC: You have been busy with scientific research some time ago, and you didn't have much time to rest.

MC: Leave the travel arrangements to me this time, you just need to relax and enjoy.

Xu Mo: Alright.

Xu Mo curled his lips slightly. The thin sunlight from outside the house fell on him, coating him with a soft light.

Xu Mo: Then... I'll leave it to you?

MC: Hm! Leave it to me.

I glanced at the time on my phone, my heart moved, and then I gathered my mind and raised my head and said to Xu Mo.

MC: Now that the luggage has been put away, go and change your clothes!

Xu Mo nodded and walked towards the door. I took the opportunity to secretly pick up the phone, intending to continue reading the news that I just turned off.

Xu Mo: By the way, there is one more thing.

MC: Wh- What?

Unexpectedly, Xu Mo suddenly turned around, and I quickly hid the phone behind me with a guilty conscience.

Xu Mo's eyes flicked back and forth between the phone and me. He seemed to have something to say, but he just chuckled.

Xu Mo: Nothing, just want to tell you...

Xu Mo: This trip with you, I also look forward to it very much.

While Xu Mo was changing clothes, I quietly walked outside the door. As I planned, a waiter came here on time with a rectangular wooden box.

Waiter: Miss MC, the lady boss asked me to give you this. Please keep it.

Waiter: As for the other item you ordered, because it needs to be made right now, the snow is too big for the driver to drive down the mountain to get it. Please forgive me.

MC: It’s okay, you've work hard, so please tell my thanks to the boss.

I took the wooden box in her hand and returned to the room, with a burst of complicated emotions in my heart.

This is a gift I prepared before I set off. Originally, I had calculated the time and planned to give Xu Mo a surprise when the results of the Kolavo Prize came out.

But I did not expect that due to changes in the selection criteria, the announcement of the award list was delayed, which disrupted my original plan.

I looked at the wooden box in my hand, and a result I had rarely imagined before popped up in my head, just in case...

The heart sank little by little. It seems that it is still unknown whether this celebration can be conveyed to him...

Xu Mo: What are you thinking?

I followed the sound and felt a little startled.

Xu Mo was wearing a dark yukata with a large collarbone exposed under the loose collar.

He relaxed, leaning against the door frame, and he looked a little more casual and relax.

His eyes fell on the wooden box in my hand, showing some curiosity.

Xu Mo: What is this?

MC: Well, this is...

Just as I was thinking about how to explain to him, a ringtone interrupted our conversation.

Xu Mo: ....Yes?

Xu Mo: ....Hello?

Xu Mo's tone was light, but his expression was a little more serious. The news that I just saw on my phone flashed in my mind, I couldn't help feeling a burst of tension in my heart.

Xu Mo: I'm sorry, I'm on vacation, I'm afraid I don't have time for this.

Xu Mo: Next time you have the opportunity to cooperate again.

After he said this lightly, he hung up the phone. I was caught off guard by the crisp and clean action.

Perhaps seeing me looking at him in confusion, Xu Mo said first without waiting for me to speak.

Xu Mo: It's the call from Huanqiu Weekly.

I opened my eyes slightly.

Huanqiu Weekly is an established weekly magazine in China. It mainly reports on international issues and major events. All have great influence within the scope.

MC: Do they want to cooperate with you?

Xu Mo: Well, they want to give me an interview.

MC: Really?! Isn't that great!

Hearing news that I was not worried about, I couldn't help but let go, and placed the wooden box on the closet next to it.

MC: Such an influential weekly magazine, if you accept their invitation, you can let more people know about your research results.

Xu Mo was stunned for a moment, and the corners of his lips curled upwards.

Xu Mo: Why do you want more people to know?

MC: Because...maybe for many people, your scientific research results are just a bunch of technical terms that seem very obscure.

MC: But I know, a lot of your hard work has been condensed behind it.

MC: Even with the aura of a "genius scientist" above your head, your effort and persistence are no less than anyone else.

As I spoke, the moments that I had experienced with him flashed in my mind.

He will put the experimental reports that have spent months of energy into the shredder one by one just because of a certain data error;

Because I finally got the desired result, I was so happy that I could not hide it, and even some childishly suggested that I wanted to go to a movie with him to celebrate.

I smiled at Xu Mo and said to him in a joking tone.

MC: So, I want to be rewarded for your efforts. This is probably my selfish intention.

Xu Mo looked at me quietly, and a certain soft emotion melted in his eyes bit by bit. After a while, he suddenly chuckled helplessly.

Xu Mo: Silly.

He stretched out his hand and took me into his arms.

Xu Mo: I declined the invitation.

MC: Huh? Why?

Xu Mo did not answer, but chuckled lightly.

Xu Mo: Do you want to know what my selfishness is?

Xu Mo: Although you always tease me about my time and energy as if I can't use it up, in fact they are also limited.

Xu Mo: I have to stay and spend them on the person who are most important to me.

He paused, rubbing the top of my hair with his chin.

Xu Mo: This is our vacation, of course I just want to share it with you.

My heart seemed to be hit by something. Feeling his familiar body temperature, I only feel that the slightest warmth suddenly enters my heart.

I couldn't help but put my hand around Xu Mo's back, eagerly trying to get closer to him and let this moment stay longer.

MC: Yes, me too.

Looking across the wooden box on the cabinet, I closed my eyes and gradually made a decision in my heart.

🍁

MC: Xu Mo, the belt of your yukata seems a little loose

I saw that Xu Mo had a loose belt around his waist, so I subconsciously reached out to help him tidy it.

MC: This seems doesn’t work...

MC: Let me tie a knot for you again!

After speaking, I undid Xu Mo's belt again, planning to tie it again.

Xu Mo: It seems that you are already very skilled.

Xu Mo's voice with a smile rang in my ears.

I raised my head and met his gaze. Only then did I realize how close we are now.

MC: W-well, when the waiter helped me wear it, I learned a little bit from her.

MC: Moreover, the way that girls wear yukata is more complicated than the boys.

MC: So it's not very difficult to tie your belt.

I lowered my head, trying to hide my blushing cheeks.

Xu Mo: It turned out to be so.

Xu Mo nodded, then opened his arms and let me put his cloth.

Although I tried my best to concentrate on the movements in my hands, the sniffles on my neck still made me a little distracted.

The delicate atmosphere filled us, I pursed my lips, and when I was about to say something, Xu Mo spoke first.

Xu Mo: I didn't notice just now that there are still a few lines written on the hanging paintings here.

MC: Eh?

I looked up and followed his gaze to the wall behind me, where there were traditional paintings one by one.

The red leaves all over the sky fell on the clear spring water, like flames burning in clusters, smeared with warmth and warmth.

I didn't pay much attention when I entered the room before, but now I look closer and realize that there are still words written on it.

Just when I was about to identify it carefully, Xu Mo had already read it out softly.

Xu Mo: " The long-lasting God is acting on behalf you, and I never heard of it"

(“悠悠神代事,黯黯不曾闻” Yōuyōu shéndài shì, àn àn bùcéng wén)

Xu Mo: " The maple dyed the Long Tian River, gurgling and flowing deep"

(“枫染龙田川,潺潺流水深 ” fēng rǎn lóng tiánchuān, chánchán liúshuǐ shēn)

Notes: I put the original sentence of the poem, afraid that there’s mistranslation since I’m not familiar with it.

MC: I seem to have read these sentences before...

MC: It seems to come from a very famous love song?

I turned my face and looked at Xu Mo with a questioning look. He nodded lightly.

Xu Mo: Well, it is indeed a very emotional sentence.

Xu Mo: I think it is probably because Valentine's Day is approaching. In order to set off the atmosphere, the proprietress of the hotel arranged such a hanging picture in the room.

Xu Mo: And look at the writing above, it should have been added not long ago.

Hearing Xu Mo's explanation, I looked at the hanging painting again.

MC: I didn’t expect the proprietress of this hotel to be so careful, I thought it was just a landscape painting.

MC: It turns out that there is such a “careful” chance hidden.

I tried to felt the emotions contained in the lines. This painting, which was originally used for decoration, seems to have a deeper meaning because of this poem.

Just as my attention was all attracted by the hanging paintings, Xu Mo's voice suddenly rang in my ears.

Xu Mo: Although the painting is really beautiful

Xu Mo: But, have you forgotten something?

His gaze fell on the belt in my hand, and I followed along and realized that I was still finishing Xu Mo's yukata.

His yukata was hanging loosely on his body at this time, and it was even more exposed. The low neckline is wider, and the skin is exposed.

The heat on my face couldn't help but rise a little more.

MC: .. I will continue!

After finally suppressing the fast heartbeat and refastening Xu Mo's belt, I couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief.

I raised my hand to help him straighten the low neckline, but found that this yukata was actually designed like this.

MC: Is this, this neckline originally opened so wide?

Hearing my visibly smaller voice, Xu Mo first glanced at his clothes, then a clear smile spread across his mouth.

Xu Mo: Well, that's it when I put it on.

Xu Mo: Moreover, as far as I know, the men's yukatas offered by this store are all of this style.

MC: Strange, I saw that the model wears on the official website before...

MC: Is this also what "Valentine's Day Special Offer"?

In order to cover up my inner fluctuations, I deliberately said in a ridiculous tone, and Xu Mo also chuckled cooperatively.

Xu Mo: Well, it is possible.

He blinked, as if thinking of something, then bent down and leaned in my ear and said softly.

Xu Mo: I guess..

Xu Mo: This is probably, a little bit “careful”.

🍁

On the tatami, Xu Mo and I are sitting opposite each other.

He took the sake out of the wooden box, opened the cork, and slowly poured it into a special vessel.

Xu Mo: No wonder today I saw you and the hotel owner whispered a few secretly...

Xu Mo: Why do you suddenly want to give me a gift?

My heart moved slightly, but on the surface, I still took the stubbornly.

MC: It's not a sudden intention, this is part of the arrangement of this vacation.

MC: Take it as a reward for Professor Xu who worked hard this year!

Wanting to get around this topic as soon as possible, I pointed to the Sake bottle and looked at him invitingly.

MC: I heard that this brand of sake is well-known locally.

MC: I was worried that it was too popular, but I asked the proprietress to order it from the Sake store half a month in advance!

A smile filled Xu Mo's narrow eyes.

Xu Mo: In order to live up to your intentions, I have to taste it.

After speaking, he picked up the Sake glass and took a sip.

MC: How?

Xu Mo: It has a slight sweet taste and is delicious.

MC: That's good! A drink in the snow can warm your body.

Suddenly, my mind flashed through the scenes of Xu Mo drinking before and couldn't help but add.

And its degree is not high. You can rest assured that you won't get drunk if you drink in moderation.

Xu Mo raised his eyebrows.

Xu Mo: It seems that I have been underestimated.

He seemed to inadvertently pour some more Sake into the glass, and then drank the whole glass leisurely.

Xu Mo: I have been tried sake before, but I was not drunk.

MC: I remember I heard you mentioned it on the phone.

Hearing him mention it again, a sense of curiosity arose in my heart.

In my impression, Xu Mo almost never drinks alcohol, but prefers tea.

MC: Why did you suddenly want to drink?

Xu Mo: Well... let me think about it.

Xu Mo put down his Sake glass, propped his head with one hand, and looked up at the red leaves in the courtyard behind me.

Xu Mo: It was when I was studying. In order to celebrate the project with the classmates.

MC: Huh?

Xu Mo: Feeling surprised?

Xu Mo's eyes overlapped with me for a moment, and then he continued.

Xu Mo: At that time, I cooperated with my classmates on a very challenging scientific research project. After about a year and a half of research, I finally got the ideal result.

Perhaps thinking of the scene at that time, Xu Mo sighed softly.

Xu Mo: They were so happy that they had to take me to the tavern to celebrate...

Xu Mo said helplessly, but the corners of his mouth curled up unconsciously.

I rarely seem to see him celebrating his achievements, and the temporarily suppressed thought in my heart is revivedㅡ

I also want to accompany him to celebrate and witness the moment when his efforts bear fruit.

Chaotic emotions spread across my chest: anticipation, tension, and a little anxiety...

Xu Mo: Wandering again.

Xu Mo tapped my forehead. I recovered, and smiled apologetically at Xu Mo.

He narrowed his eyes slightly, and after looking at me for a while, he suddenly spoke.

Xu Mo: I suddenly remembered that they also taught me a game at that time.

MC: What game?

Xu Mo: I will show it to you.

I watched with interest as Xu Mo picked up an empty cup and put it upside down on the table.

Xu Mo: The game is very simple. We take turns to pat this cup or choose to take it away.

Xu Mo: If the cup is taken away, the other person will make a fist and knock on the table. Knock on the cup or shoot on the table is a loss.

MC: This game seems to test the reaction ability...

Seeing me as if I don’t understand, Xu Mo smiled.

Xu Mo: Well, but it is not difficult. You should have learned it after we played a game.

Xu Mo: Want to try it?

MC: Yes!

I eagerly nodded my head. Xu Mo's eyes turned, and a meaningful smile appeared on his lips.

MC: ....

MC: This unscientific!

I took another sip of Sake in frustration. Facts have proved that the so-called "not difficult" of this game may only be aimed at Xu Mo.

In addition to testing his reaction ability, during the game, he always seems to know what I am going to do next, and foresee every movement of me in advance...

MC: You are almost like "mind reading"...

Faced my complaint, Xu Mo just smiled slightly

Xu Mo: Maybe it's just because I know you too well.

Xu Mo: So sometimes, your every move seems not to hard to guess .

He didn't seem to realize how blushing his words were, so I had to mutter quietly.

MC: This is too unfair...

Xu Mo: Well, you also try to focus all your attention on me, how about it?

MC: Huh?

Xu Mo dragged his face with his hands, tilted his head and looked at me.

Xu Mo: Perhaps this strategy will be more effective.

The heartbeat speeded up uncontrollably, and for a while, I couldn't tell whether he was teasing me or was serious.

But facing the current one-sided game situation, for the slight possibility of a comeback, I decided to try.

The new round soon began. I followed Xu Mo's words and stared at him intensively, hoping to see a trace of flaws in him.

And Xu Mo's mouth always had a slight smile, as if he was in a good mood.

It was my turn to take the cup. I noticed that Xu Mo's brows suddenly wrinkled. With a movement in my heart, I decided to change my tactics and took the cup away.

MC: ...!!

Xu Mo: I lost.

Xu Mo looked at our folded hands on the cup and sighed slightly

Xu Mo: It seems that I was too careless...

Xu Mo: This strategy should not be told to you lightly.

His voice showed faint grievances and regrets, and then he took the Sake and drank it in one go.

MC: Is it really so works?

I was a little dazed by the sudden victory.

Although I'm not sure if there is a reason for luck, I just raised my lips and jumped for joy when I finally caught this flawless person.

Next, the entire game seemed to be exceptionally smooth to me. I didn't expect that one day I could win Xu Mo so many times, and the smile on my face got bigger and bigger.

Until Xu Mo was fined another glass of Sake, looking at his reddish ears and the corners of his mouth, I suddenly noticed something.

I put away my smile and walked up to him, acting as if I was asking my sins.

MC: I almost fell for some big liar again!

Xu Mo's eyes moved slightly, and then he stretched out his hand towards me.

Xu Mo: What's wrong?

He looked at me and blinked a bit innocently.

Xu Mo: Why are you so angry? Did I do something wrong?

I laughed angrily by the way he knew it, and couldn't help squeezing his hand.

MC: Are you letting me win again?

Xu Mo did not answer immediately, but gently hooked my finger, and then wrapped it into his palm.

Xu Mo: Who said I let you?

Xu Mo: I am willing to lose to you.

He stretched out his hand, scraped the tip of my nose, and a smile burst out from the corner of his mouth.

Xu Mo: Finally I can see you smile without burden.

MC: Huh?

Xu Mo: From morning on, you look worried.

Xu Mo: Although I plan to not ask too much before you tell me. But I thought about it, it’s not easy to keep you in my heart

Xu Mo: I guess the thing that bothers you should have something to do with me, right

He thought a little bit.

Xu Mo: Was it the news you saw this morning?

Seeing Xu Mo's determined expression and thinking about his behavior just now, I suddenly understood something in my heart.

MC: So you proposed to play games with me, also to relax me?

MC: I can't hide anything from you

Xu Mo chuckled lightly, wrapped my hand into his palm, and deliberately asked in a joking tone.

Xu Mo: Tell me about it, how did the "Professor Xu" on the news bother you?

I was amused by him. Seeing that what was hidden in my heart had been exposed, I simply decided to confess.

MC: Actually... This bottle of sake was originally a gift to celebrate your prize. But I did not expect that the award list would be postponed.

MC: Although I still want to celebrate with you, but if the result is not good, I worry about you will be disappointed.

MC: So it has not been said.

After saying this, I took a long breath and felt that it was a lot easier.

MC: But now I also think that compared to these, we should cherish our time together more.

In order to show my determination, I picked up the phone on the table and turned it off without hesitation.

MC: Now I can't get distracted!

Xu Mo's eyes flickered, and then he turned off the phone just like me. He put his arms around my waist and raised his head slightly.

Xu Mo: Then we can say that, from now on, don't let anyone bothering us.

Xu Mo: Nobody can.

Seeing him add another sentence seriously, I couldn't help laughing.

MC: However, it is indeed my fault that I was always distracted before. Next, we can make up for this time.

Xu Mo: Hm? How do you plan to make up?

I looked outside and raised my eyebrows at him.

MC: Didn't you notice? The snow outside is getting smaller.

Xu Mo was a little puzzled, but he reacted quickly, and the corners of his lips curled up in a beautiful arc.

Outside the house, the original heavy snow in the sky turned into fragments of snowflakesㅡ

It fell lightly in the hot spring that was continuously rising, and melted silently.

After eating, Xu Mo and I were walking on the stone road in the courtyard. We could hear the gurgling water in our ears.

MC: It seems that the weather forecast is right, the snow is really much smaller.

Xu Mo: Hmm, but are you drunk? Actually, we can come later.

MC: Don't worry, I am fully awake.

MC: And I checked it online before, and two hours after a meal is the best time to soak in the hot spring!

Xu Mo just wanted to say something, but suddenly stopped. He stared at the hot spring pool in front of him, and his eyes flashed with surprise.

I followed his gaze to the open-air hot spring in front, and my eyes widened.

MC: This is...

I was surprised to find that there is no barrier between this private hot spring surrounded by stones.

🍁

MC: Strange, I clearly remember that the pictures I saw on the website before were separated by wooden boards.

I looked at the hot spring pool, my ears were getting hot. Thinking of two people in the same hot spring, I can't help but feel a subtle sense of tension.

Just when I was about to say something to break the awkward atmosphere, Xu Mo's voice suddenly sounded.

Xu Mo: .. I'd better go back to the room first.

Xu Mo: I'll come back when you finish.

MC: Hm?

I subconsciously raised my head. Xu Mo still had a gentle expression, but his eyes did not look at me.

Is it...

Am I the not only one who is nervous?

Looking at the steaming hot spring, I involuntarily swallowed my saliva, emboldening myself in my heart.

MC: Now that you have changed your clothes... let's go together.

In the hot spring pool, Xu Mo was sitting opposite me, the water just covered our chests

Xu Mo: Does the water feel hot?

I looked up, my eyes swam disobediently from his bare chest to the collarbone, Adam's apple and thin lips, and then I didn't dare to go up again.

MC: No, just right.

I shook my head, suppressed the excessively fast heartbeat, and sat down a little bit, submerged my shoulders in the warm water, and couldn't help but sigh.

The snowflakes fell on the face one by one, bringing icy coldness sense of touch, but the body and mind are steaming hot, and finally melts in the heat.

Xu Mo flicked his hand across the hot spring, and there was a sporadic sound of water. He closed his eyes, raised his head and leaned against the rock wall.

Xu Mo: I suddenly remembered that the last time we took a hot spring, it was the same as today with snow in the sky.

MC: Well, I remember too.

There was a movement in my heart, and I couldn't help but remember the time when I wished Xu Mo's birthday a warm feeling came from the bottom of my heart.

MC: It seems that many of my good memories about the snowy days are spent with you.

Xu Mo slowly opened his eyes, and there was also a layer of chlorinated water vapor on his eyes, and the curvature of the corners of his lips seemed clear and moving.

Xu Mo: For me, it's not just the snow.

The gurgling water and his voice merged together, and fell into my ears through the mist.

Under Xu Mo's gentle gaze, it seems that the distant memories in my mind are being warmed up little by little.

Perhaps he had been watching for too long, and my throat was a little dry. My gaze fell to the side of the tray floating on the water, which was filled with wagashi and hot tea.

Wagashi are traditional Japanese confections that are often served with green tea, especially the types made of mochi, anko and fruits.

I picked up the teacup and took a drink. Obviously it's not alcohol, but it makes me feel a little drunk.

I patted my slightly hot face, trying to stretch my body, but my foot inadvertently touched Xu Mo's leg.

Xu Mo: ....

MC: .....

The breath and heartbeat went wild in an instant. In the pool water, it seems that every part of the body has become more sensitive.

I subconsciously looked at Xu Mo, his eyes flickered, and then faintly looked away, and picked up another teacup on the tray.

Xu Mo: The tea smell is very strong.

MC: Hm..

MC: This opportunities are rare. Why don't we "replace Sake with tea" and clink a glass?

As soon as I finished speaking, I bit my tongue viciously for the proposal I blurted out.

Xu Mo's hand holding the teacup seemed to shake. He looked at my red cheeks curiously and chuckled uncontrollably.

Xu Mo: Well, it's a good proposal, but...

Xu Mo: Clinking glasses is usually for celebration. What are we going to celebrate now?

I was asked all of a sudden. While thinking, an idea flashes over my mind.

MC: To celebrate...

Xu Mo: If you say anything like "Celebrate your winning in advance", I will be a little disappointed.

MC: Ha..

This person definitely has mind-reading skills!

I looked at Xu Mo's smiling eyes through the white mist, and my lips curled up.

The fine snow slowly fell, and the water in the pool was clear, but not as bright as his eyes. I suddenly felt everything in front of me, something unreal like a dream.

Such a good person is now opposite me, right in front of my eyes, drinking a tea with me and sharing the same snowy color.

Until I saw Xu Mo's eyes clearly reflecting my figure. I suddenly felt that this moment has already surpassed everything.

So I said almost subconsciously.

MC: Then celebrate the moment we have.

Under the misty surface of xenon hydrogen, the skin we touched lightly rubbed inadvertently.

The clear touch brought up bursts of electric current, causing ripples in my heart. I no longer stagger my eyes as before, but quietly stare at Xu Mo in front of me.

His Adam's apple slid, and a white warm mist made his dark eyes sparkle with water.

I suddenly had an illusion, as if Xu Mo could look straight into my heart through the hazy mist.

After a while, he chuckled lightly.

Xu Mo: Is it just for now?

MC: What?

Xu Mo didn't answer, but suddenly got up and leaned toward me. The chest that had been submerged was also exposed at this time.

The warm and slightly hot from hot springs steamed his skin a little red, and the water rippled and then fell again.

I touched the ground with my feet a little nervously, but a little unstable due to the buoyancy of the water, Xu Mo held my waist with one hand in time.

I raised my head and slowly looked at the line of Xu Mo's jaw, my fingertips sinking into the tight muscles behind his shoulders.

His hand slid across my back, tightening me up a little bit, and I unconsciously put my hand on his shoulder and against his chest.

MC: Xu Mo..

The light lines of the water wave healed our chest and back. Xu Mo lowered his head, his lips were close to my ears, his voice was stained with a low voice.

Xu Mo: What I want to say is, not just celebrating this moment. But...

Xu Mo: For every moment we have.

There seemed to be a touch of nothing on the earlobe, as if clusters of flames were lit from there.

The tea cups collided with a crisp sound.

Xu Mo took a sip of tea, pinched my chin and pressed it down

Seeing his face getting closer and closer, I can no longer care about the others, I can only instinctively close my eyes

Feel the numb touch on the lips, and the sweet tea fragrance reverberating in the mouth.

🍁

With a splash of water, Xu Mo got up and walked out of the hot spring pool.

Xu Mo: During the meal, our clothes were left out and dampened by the snow. I will go back to the room to get the clothes we changed in the morning.

MC: Wait, I'll go with you.

After I finished speaking, I stood up, Xu Mo stood there, his eyes stopped slightly when he looked at me.

I followed his eyes and looked down, the wet towels were tight clings to my body, clearly outlines the lines, dripping continuously.

A cold wind blew, and I seemed to have noticed something, so I hurriedly sat back.

MC: So cold...

Xu Mo laughed lightly, then nodded.

Xu Mo: Well, it will be a little cold if you just walk back.

Xu Mo: So, wait for me here, okay?

I touched my slightly hot cheek, smiled and nodded at him.

MC: Alright

When Xu Mo returned with the clothes, I was eating the wagashi on the tray. He couldn't help but smile when he saw me.

Xu Mo: Are you hungry?

MC: A little. You see, these fruits are so delicate.

I pushed the tray towards him, Xu Mo squatted down and looked carefully.

Xu Mo: Well, indeed.

Xu Mo: I once heard a very skilled master say that wagashi can express anything, whether it is natural or human.

MC: Really?

Hearing his words, I put my arm on the rock beside the pool and curiously observed the wagashi in the plate.

MC: This is a special wagashi for Valentine's Day. I don't know if there is anything special.

Xu Mo: I think there should be.

Xu Mo also leaned down slightly and observed with me.

Xu Mo: Maybe we can guess by using our imagination?

He smiled and twisted one of the wagashi.

It looks relatively ordinary among the different shapes of fruits. The round shape is like a small steamed bun, but on the top. Covered with a circle of yellow marks.

Xu Mo: The surface of this fruit should be deliberately roasted to brown

After watching it for a while, Xu Mo handed it to me.

Xu Mo: Did you think of something?

MC: Hmm.. the yellow circle.

MC: Like a full moon?

I raised my eyes to look at Xu Mo, and he curled his mouth slightly, motioning me to continue.

As if being woken up, I looked at this seemingly inconspicuous wagashi, and seemed to understand the intention of the person who made it.

MC: The moon is a very important image in love and can be used to express many kinds of emotions...

MC: So it seems that this fruit really fits the theme of Valentine's Day.

Xu Mo: Have a taste?

Looking at Xu Mo's eyebrows, my heart moved slightly, so I leaned over and bit the fruit in his hand.

The sweetness melted in my mouth, and I was pleasantly surprised to see the red fillings of the wagashi under the white skin.

MC: It's red bean paste...

There seemed to be a trace of surprise in Xu Mo's eyes. After a while, he nodded thoughtfully.

Xu Mo: Specially choose red as the filling...

Xu Mo: Probably because the person who created it wanted to express the sincere emotions between lovers.

MC: It turns out that wagashi can really express people's feelings...

Seeing such an emotional Japanese fruit, a burst of soft emotions creeping in my heart, I subconsciously asked Xu Mo.

MC: You have a bite too?

As soon as I finished speaking, I suddenly remembered something, so I immediately changed my words.

MC: But you don’t like sweets so much, so it’s mine!

I stretched out my hand to take the wagashi from his hand, but Xu Mo suddenly pulled his hand

MC: Uh?

Seeing my puzzlement, he chuckled lightly.

Xu Mo: I really don't like sweets very much.

Xu Mo: However, I still want to taste such beautiful food.

MC: But...

Before I finished speaking, I saw Xu Mo's face enlarged before my eyes.

He put his hand behind my head and leaned down. In the blink of an eye, there was a warmth on the lips.

The scorching breath fell on the face, itching and numb, dispelling the coolness in the air.

The thick snow on the edge of the pool turned into melted water droplets and fell into the water, arousing small splashes.

After a long while, Xu Mo released his hand behind my head, with a slight smile on his mouth.

Xu Mo: Well, it's sweeter than expected.

🍁

After soaking in the hot springs, Xu Mo and I walked slowly back to the room. As soon as we opened the door, we stopped in unison.

A fancy "citation cake" was placed in the center of the table.

Under the two big letters "Certificate" written with red chocolate, there are also dark chocolates with a row of small letters one by one.

"Best Scientist Award".

Xu Mo raised his eyebrows and glanced at me leisurely. I coughed slightly awkwardly.

MC: Ahem. If I said that the waiter sent the wrong room, would you believe it?

At this time, the door was pushed open again, and the waiter put two knives and forks on the side of the tray.

Waiter: Miss MC, you are back, is the hot spring still comfortable?

Waiter: This is the special cake you ordered. Because the snow was a little smaller, the driver was asked to go down the mountain to retrieve it. Please enjoy.

The waiter cast a "won't disturb you" look, then bowed and walked out. After a short silence, I heard a chuckle.

MC: Well. This is actually another gift I originally prepared to celebrate your winning.

MC: I always feel that at this time of celebration, we still have to eat cakes to have more atmosphere.

MC: Although the appearance is a bit exaggerate, the taste should be good.

Xu Mo chuckled and nodded.

Xu Mo: Well, I believe this cake must be delicious. and.….

Xu Mo: I am also sure that you really care about this.

He paused for a while, then took out his mobile phone leisurely and turned it on.

Xu Mo: Since you want to know so much, let's watch it together.

MC: What?

Xu Mo: Don’t you really want to know the results of the awards? I remember the news you saw in the morning saying that the announcement should be postponed to the afternoon.

Xu Mo: The time should be right now.

MC: But...

Seeing his calm movements, my eyes widened, but I looked more nervous than him.

Xu Mo: If you don't let you know now, you will keep thinking about it.

As soon as his voice fell, with a few minutes of reminder sound, countless messages flooded into Xu Mo's phone.

Looking at his cell phone that kept vibrating, my heartbeat speeded up. Xu Mo seemed to be a little surprised by it.

Xu Mo: A Ming, sent fifteen text messages and made six calls.

He frowned slightly.

Xu Mo: It seems that I told him to be good at "focusing" things, but he doesn't take it seriously.

MC: ....

MC: I also question the way you "focusing" at this time!

Xu Mo tapped the screen twice until everything was calm again, but there was no expression on his face.

MC: How?

I looked at him with anticipation and ambition.

After a moment of silence, Xu Mo suddenly leaned over to me, buried his head in the socket of my neck, and let out a light sigh.

Xu Mo: ....

My heart jumped suddenly.

MC: No, it doesn't matter...

I just feel my brain is blank, and my words become stumbling.

MC: It may be because the selection criteria have changed this year. They have to take other factors into consideration.

MC: And this is their loss! You are so powerful, they will definitely regret it in the future!

Xu Mo: Is it?

MC: Yes!

I replied categorically, as I was about to continue speaking, but suddenly caught a murmur of laughter, and then I was surprised that something was wrong.

MC: .. Why are you lying again!

I straightened up from Xu Mo's arms at once, but he grabbed my wrist with a smile, and pulled it into his embrace again.

Xu Mo: Where am I lying.

Xu Mo: It seems unfair to say that.

Xu Mo: I didn't seem to say what the result was.

Seeing the successful smile in his eyes, I bit my lip unwillingly. After thinking for a while, I had an idea, pretending to be angrily and got into the blanket beside me.

Although the news of Xu Mo's award made the corners of my mouth almost fly into the sky, I still constricted my smile and adjusted my tone of voice.

MC: I'm so nervous, but you still want to tease me!

MC: Originally, apart from Sake and cake, I also prepared a third gift for you. Now I have to consider it!

The low laughter in the ear was suddenly paused.

I secretly laughed and counted down silently in my heart, 3, 2, 1 until the last number fell, I really felt a pair of hands hugging me from behind.

Xu Mo: Sorry, because you looked so cute just now, I couldn't help but want to tease you.

Xu Mo: So, can you tell me what the gift is now?

Xu Mo waited for a while, but when he saw that I still didn't answer, he suddenly coughed.

Xu Mo: (cough)

Xu Mo: It seems to have been outside for too long and some have caught a cold

I listened to Xu Mo's deliberate coughing. I was startled first, and then laughed uncontrollably. I didn't expect him to think of such a childish way.

Hear my laugh, Xu Mo also laughed.

The arms around my waist tightened a bit, and when he spoke again, his tone became more serious.

Xu Mo: MC.

Xu Mo: Actually, I don't value this award that much.

My heart beats, this is the first time I heard him say that

Xu Mo: Because all the things I wanted to obtain were obtained the moment the research results were published, or even earlier.

Xu Mo: Any praise from the outside world, to me, is nothing but brocade icing on.

His voice paused, as if thinking of something, and then he smiled softly.

Xu Mo: However, everything you did for me today, I am very happy

Xu Mo: Whether it is a gift to me or your sincere words to me, I really feel how important I am in your heart.

Xu Mo rubbed my forehead with his chin across the blanket

Xu Mo: I feel happy, nervous, or even sad from the bottom of my heart

Xu Mo: Probably there is only you silly girl.

The soft words fell in my heart, and there was a drop of water.

Xu Mo: I think the reason why I always can't help teasing you, maybe it's just because I want to see you more and show off because of me.

Xu Mo: In a certain way, I can also be regarded as a special "collector".

Xu Mo: No matter what kind of meal it is, I want to have it.

Xu Mo: With that said, can you forgive me?

The delicate tenderness was sewn on him slightly, I still did not answer, but responded to him with action.

I lifted the blanket and kissed Xu Mo's face with his surprised eyes.

I ran my fingers across his fine hair and stopped on his face. Then I pulled him tightly and tightly toward me.

Heavy breathing sounded in the room, as if confused, I kissed his cheek closely and pressed against his auricle.

MC: I am not angry, you are a fool..

I followed his ear bones all the way down, and after hearing a short gasp, I turned to a thin rub.

I don't know how long it took. When I met Xu Mo's eyes awkwardly, I later realized that I was extremely ashamed of my bold actions, and subconsciously shrank back.

But Xu Mo did not allow me to retreat. He put his hands on my waist together a few inches, pressed them to my forehead, and looked at me deeply with his eyes.

Xu Mo: Is this the third gift?

The thin, hot breath entangled, I panted lightly and shook my head.

MC: ....It is a promise.

I calmed down my breath and slowly said the words that had been brewing in my heart for a long time.

MC: I want to wait for the results to come out, whether you win or not, I will tell youㅡ

MC: In the future, I will stay with you and spend every memorable moment with you.

MC: Remember the flower with crystals you gave me?

MC: I think the same as you, every moment we walked together is very precious to me

MC: Although I can't make such a romantic gift like you, I can only express it in ordinary sounds.

MC: But this is my truest thought.

The evening wind slowly passed by, and behind Xu Mo, the sky full of red leaves fell. I felt in a daze that we at this moment are closer than ever.

Xu Mo lowered his eyes, looked straight at me for a moment, and laughed a little.

Xu Mo: MC's ability to talk about love is really getting better.

My cheeks suddenly became red when I met the narrow gaze in his eyes.

MC: I'm just talking to my heart!

Xu Mo: Yes, I know.

Xu Mo: I don't think what you said is ordinary. On the contrary, it means a lot to me.

Xu Mo: However, although I received such a beautiful promise, I thought about it for a while-

Xu Mo: When you say this, aren't you also sorting me out?

MC: !... I

Seeing that I was speechless for a while, Xu Mo smiled, his eyes moved down, and landed on my slightly opened lips. The emotion in the deep eyes is unclear.

Xu Mo: Sometimes actions are more explicit than words.

He raised his hand and squatted down my lips with his fingers,

Xu Mo: The sincerity contained in the promise, maybe in another way... can make me feel more directly.

He whispered, and suddenly raised his eyes to look at me, dark light circling in his eyes.

Xu Mo: Are you willing to?

The heat surged to my cheeks, and my mind was chaotic. In the next second, Xu Mo clasped my wrist tightly and pressed me on the tatami.

MC: Wh-

The soft tip of the tongue pried my teeth away inch by inch, and grinds together delicately and long. It seems to wear out all the heat and lingering.

While my consciousness was cloudy, I tasted the faint fragrance of tea that still remained in his mouth, but it was like a very high alcohol wine, which made me feel drunk.

His head raised passively. Xu Mo squinted his eyes slightly, and gradually reduced his strength by pressing my hand.

His fingers rubbed the skin on the side of my wrist gently and slowly, letting my body gradually relax

The surrounding temperature rose sharply, and I instinctively caught his neck and responded to his tossing and turning.

Just when I felt a little dizzy, Xu Mo let go of me, a familiar chuckle sounded in my ears.

Seeing that I was a little weak, Xu Mo held my waist and let me sit on him.

I rested on his strong abs with one hand, and grasped his messy clothes with the other weakly.

MC: Xu Mo....

I lowered my head and saw what seemed to be suppressed in his gloomy eyes, so I subconsciously leaned down and pecked his chin.

Xu Mo: ....

The light and shadow in Xu Mo's eyes flickered, his eyes darkened.

Before I could react, his hand that was touching my hair suddenly pulled me towards him and kissed me again.

Unlike before, this kiss was overwhelmingly aggressive.

The tingling sensation of the intertwined lips and teeth ran through my body like an electric current, and the blood seemed to boil.

With warmth in Xu Mo's palm, he shook all the way down my spine.

His senses and thoughts were all occupied by him, and in a trance, I felt the kiss gradually slip and strengthen.

There was a slight tingling pain from my collarbone, and I couldn't help but exhale softly, and there was a warm and humid touch.

A layer of fine sweat oozes out on the tightly adhering skin, giving it an intimate and sticky feeling. I inserted my hand into Xu Mo's sweat-drenched hair and looked down at him.

He closed his eyes, his concentrated face was stained with the color of red leaves.

His sight seemed to be burned to the point of nowhere to rest.

Perhaps because of my tension, Xu Mo's lips bend slightly. He lifted his palm up to cover my eyes.

Xu Mo: Close your eyes .

Extremely strong, but with extreme gentleness.

I slowly closed my eyes and surrendered myself to him. The last image remaining on the retina is Xu Mo deep eyes.

And a brilliant red.

🍁 🍁 🍁 END 🍁 🍁 🍁

I’m sorry if there’s some mistranslation. Kindly tell me if you found some :) thank you for read it~ ^^

#MLQC #Mr.LOVE #mlqc spoilers #mlqc translation #mr love spoilers #mr love translation #mlqc lucien #mlqc xu mo #mr love lucien #mr love xu mo #mr love date #mldd date #mldd lucien #mldd translation

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meimae · 4 years

Text

Language Learning Through Immersion: One Year Japanese Update

11/03/2021

I did it, you guys! I’ve successfully reached my very first year of Japanese language immersion! I honestly thought that I would have given up by now, but this really has been a fun and ultimately rewarding endeavor.

Studying the language has been at the back of my mind for years since elementary school, I just never really knew how to go about it before, and I always thought that I could learn it in a classroom setting someday. That someday for me was in two elective courses in university, and while those were fun as well, it did not give me the same gains that I have achieved in this past year.

It’s probably easier to quantify learning a language in a classroom setting, especially when going through a program to earn a language degree. Learning through immersion, however, I had to really consider what my goals should be on my own. Eventually, I stumbled upon an article saying that for an English speaker, Japanese was exceptionally difficult to learn and that at least 2,200 hours must be spent with the language to reach a certain level of proficiency. So I said to myself, “well okay internet, if you say so!”, and set that as my long term goal going forward.

Spoiler Alert: I did not hit that goal in my first year. I am not crazy and will never listen to Japanese in my sleep regardless of what Khatzumoto (the creator of All Japanese All the Time) says.

I did, however, hit a total 1,226.65 active immersion hours in my first year, so I guess I’m still a bit nuts. That is 874.96 hours of active listening and 351.69 reading hours. I also did 270.59 hours of passive listening, also known as the time in the very beginning of my immersion where I was using Japanese subtitles (therefore not really concentrating on listening alone). That’s a cumulative 1,497.24 hours spent with Japanese. That’s more than halfway towards my goal!

To further break that down for curious animanga fans out there, that’s 973 episodes from 109 anime, 765 episodes from 33 dramas, 7 movies, and 967 chapters from 107 volumes of manga (21 series). Here’s my anilist and mydramalist to see what I’ve read/watched.

During all this, I was also doing my daily Anki reps and now I have a 530 day SRS streak (includes the time prior starting immersion and only doing RTK and some vocabulary cards) and a total 8,857 sentence cards. I’ve been averaging 406 cards daily (because I’m trying to cure my leeches) and I spend about an hour per day doing reps and learning new cards. I don’t really track my time on Anki, but I do have a set timer that goes off after 1-1:30 hours.

What I haven’t touched upon at all is output. I have not gone out of my way to find a tutor or a language partner. There’s still plenty of input out there to immerse in before I even consider outputting.

Graphs, stats, and more thoughts:

Here's my current card count in my main deck (minus the cards in my new/learning queue and leeches I've been relearning which are in separate decks):

That one day in 2019 where I did not do my cards because I was seriously doubting whether I can actually stick with language learning this time around will forever haunt and inspire me to keep going everyday.

Workflow and Tips

You might be wondering, how do I have a lot of time? I started this whole endeavor in the middle of a pandemic, which eliminated the option of me going to a language school, and a slew of other things I were considering doing last year became impossible (and if anything, very scary to do in a pandemic). All I can say is that, things work out eventually if it is His will, and if I can learn a skill before everything properly settles back down again, then why not?

I wake up at 5 in the morning everyday to either do my Anki reps or read until the time when I need to get up and I listen to compressed audio throughout the day. The biggest tip is to switch the time you spend watching/reading in your native language to your target language instead. Listen to a podcast during your commute, watch an episode during lunch break, read before going to bed, do your Anki reps in the bathroom if you have to.

But, if you’re feeling burnt out, there is no reason for you to not take a break! I have been watching a lot of Among Us streams before bed, and I chat with my friends from time to time. Language learning is not a race.

More Stats

Here are a couple of grids of the kanji characters that I have encountered at least once in my immersion and how well I have answered them in my vocabulary/sentence cards.

It's interesting that after almost 9000 words, I have yet to encounter every single character from the Remembering the Kanji 1 (RTK 1) book by James Heisig, which teaches you the most common use characters that are part of the 常用漢字. Which brings me to the question, was writing down every single character being taught in RTK worth it every time it came up in my reviews for the first 3-ish months I was reviewing them? Maybe, maybe not. It certainly removed my anxiety whenever looking at blocks of text in Japanese, but the longer I think about it, the more I feel I should have switched to Recognition RTK earlier. Still, being able to write in proper stroke order is cool I guess, and it also helps me when looking things up in the dictionary.

Here’s the same grid but in JLPT order:

I clearly need to grind those N2 and N1 level cards! Speaking of which, I have apparently almost covered every single character that could possibly appear in the JLPT (except for the N1 which I have only covered half of) in just a year's time. If the JLPT word frequency lists I’m using are accurate, I have about 2,000 words more to go to to cover most vocabulary that could appear in the test. This makes the "10,000 sentences/words to fluency" argument a reasonable milestone to aim for for Japanese learners if said aim is only to pass the test. That said, 10,000 words is just that, a milestone. It's more akin to a comfortable level of comprehension, but not my own concept of fluency which is being able to read with ease, speak articulately, and write comfortably.

READING IMMERSION GRAPHS

My biggest motivation for tracking my stats is for the purpose of seeing whether my reading speed is improving over time. Reading speed is also easier to measure than listening comprehension which is kind of subjective, so I had a lot of fun making these. What I found is that for the first volume or chapter of whatever it is I’m reading, I always take the time to get used to the writing style of the author. My speed really improves whenever I keep reading the same topic over and over again. On the other hand and quite obviously, looking up many new words in a row and trying to parse sentences slows me down.

Manga: Reading Speed Progression per Volume

I clearly love ちはやふる and I am not ashamed to admit it.

I need to start reading longer manga. When I do, I’ll probably split this graph into less than and greater than 20 volumes. Imagine if I start reading something ridiculously long as 名探偵コナン or ワンピース, these graphs will start breaching the bounds of time and space.

Novels: Time Spent Reading per Chapter

#neverforget the time I read chapter six of Norwegian Wood for 9 hours when it took me less than half that time in English RIP. Also, my interest in Kitchen plummeted LOL. Still planning to finish it don’t worry.

I also need to start branching away from manga and start reading more novels and light novels, too just so I can make more pretty graphs.

Visual Novels: Time Spent Reading and Daily Word Count

Also known as images that clearly show that I’ve already spent several days only reading the prologue of Island. I’m not sweating. 切那 needs to stop using words I don’t know in succession. More thoughts on this VN far into the future.

Thoughts on Immersion

I can’t really say anything else other that that it works for me, and needless to say if you’re considering this method, remember that the SRS is your friend but immersion should be your one true love.

Prior to all this, I couldn’t even read a sample paragraph from Genki without being confused to my very soul. Yes, I know, it’s embarrassing, but that’s the truth. I was way more scared of failing my Japanese classes than my actual thesis for my bachelors degree, I kid you not. I would quite literally spend all my free time in university trying to understand grammar, memorize vocabulary, and answer my workbook exercises with little to no success.

I tried so hard to get all the grammar “formulas” into my head for 1.5 years and it only brought me more confusion. I’m never going back to traditional classroom study for language learning, but I will still refer to grammar books when I need to, and not because I feel like I need to answer 4783342 different workbook exercises like my life depended on it.

I still can’t believe it, but with immersion this statement is actually true to a point, don’t try shadowing anime/or calling your boss anime language slurs, use your common sense:

study anime to understand Japanese > study Japanese to understand anime

Future Goals/Plans

2,200 immersion hours was my initial goal, but honestly I feel like that number could be much higher. There’s still a lot of stuff I don’t understand (news, politics, sciences, etc.), so I’ll make attempts to cover more of those things in my immersion.

I’ll continue reading more, because that’s a natural SRS in itself. Try to read longer manga, more novels, visual novels, and light novels, and maybe news articles.

I’ll try to mine as much “JLPT vocab” as I can before making any attempts at taking the JLPT. I noticed that a lot of the words I know don’t appear in the JLPT word lists as much, even though they appear a lot in media/daily conversation.

Continue mining all words I don’t know because all words are useful anyway. There is no such thing as useless words. I never really understood mining only “interesting words” or words that “pop up” in your immersion. As I said in my previous blog post, 美人局 is an interesting word and I certainly caught it being said in my immersion, but in the three languages I know, I wouldn’t know when I would be able to use such a word, as compared to something like ジャガイモ which is a significantly less interesting word, but is certainly useful to know.

I have managed to talk up a storm, but if you have any questions regarding my process or recommendations for new immersion material, please feel free to send an ask/reply to this post. I love hearing about other people’s language learning/immersion journeys.

See you on my next post!

#language learning #japanese language #language acquisition #study blog #langblr #studyblr #graphs #language immersion #japanese #visual novels #manga #novels #anime #dramas #movies #youtube #podcasts

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starlightshore · 4 years

Note

hi sorry if this seems a little rude, if chara isn't really bad, then why do they kill them on the soulless route?

(I always wanted to know about it)

(not rude at all! feel free to ask questions like this its no skin off my back) which “them” are you referring to? that could mean different things like: the underground, the player, Frisk ect. its a little vague)

but I’ll try to answer this with the above being vague anyway

---

hoo boy this ended up long LMAO. coming back from the bottom to say Sorry this ended up this lengthy. here’s some

content warnings: discussions of canon and implied dark topics such as: abuse, murder, death, suicide, and self harm

---

TLDR: Chara is a complex character with a rich backstory and motivations. by looking at the full game, you understand they’re a mentally ill child who is just following the player’s directions. YOU do the killing, Chara is your partner in crime because you force them to be.

Chara is the narrator in ALL routes. they are the UI, stats and narration.

it is Chara’s memories that convinces Asriel to remember how they met and how much they loved each other when alive. Chara is key to Asriel freeing the underground, they are a god dang hero

let’s look at canon Chara pre-game to fully understand what’s going on though.

-Chara lived in a village close to mt.Ebott. they decided to climb mt.Ebott for “a not happy reason” and hated humanity

-once underground, they become the sibling to Asriel and become a full fledged Dreemurr. They love their family. “it’s a dusty photo. everyone is happy.” (which, if you believe is the photo of Chara holding the flowers next to Asriel, implies Chara is smiling under them and their bangs) + the Mr.Dad Guy sweater + baking a pie for their dad

-in the underground, there’s the Deltarune prophecy. it reads as follows: “There is a prophecy. The Angel... The One Who Has Seen The Surface... They will return. And the underground will go empty.“

-Toriel and Asgore are both strong believers of the Deltarune as seen by the symbol on their clothes and homes.

-Chara has been to the surface and therefore, most believe Chara is the angel that will free them.

-Chara is a small child, who hates humanity, loves their family, and by fate is destined to free monster-kind. they are determined.

-Chara and Asriel decide to prank Asgore by making a pie with buttercups instead of a cup of butter. They learn the flower is poisonous and Asgore gets sick, but ends up fine. Chara laughs it off, but if one is paying attention to the game, you will see that their is a very common theme of smiling/laughing when distressed.

Toriel smiling, laughing when being killed in no mercy

Migospel’s whole game-play is about how one acts around others vs. alone “ Laughter hides the pain. [Alone]”

sans can be seen as a broad example

a VERY good example is the snowdrake’s mother fight:

“You laugh, and keep laughing. It's SO funny, you can't stop. Tears run down your face. | ... what? You didn't do that? [Laugh]

But it's not funny. [Laugh again]”

-Chara hates humanity (epilogue Asriel says that) and by extension, would hate themself. you can read into the tools being worn down to being blunt + no knives in the kitchen as being precautions Toriel put in place to prevent Chara from self-harming. Chara attempts suicide twice in the game’s story.. Also! It’s implied Chara was abused before coming underground. “ If you're cuter, monsters won't hit you as hard.-faded ribbon flavor text” and the fact Chara thought to kill the villagers in the first place, they didn’t get the “kill or be killed” mindset out of nowhere. + abuse can manifest in depression, anxiety, and Chara displays behaviors of coping with abuse. (harder to explain that detail, but Chara’s control-issues and distrust just SCREAMS abuse to me)

Chara is a kid with severe mental illness, implied to be abused, and all while younger than 13. that’s a lot to take in. which is also why a lot of people are upset at “Chara is evil” theories because it ignores that context and demonizes them. which is. bad. for lots of reasons. but mainly for how it handles the topic of survivors of abuse and mental illness and they’re just a freaking kid.

-anyway, long tangent aside... so this next point is more so how I interpret the order of events: Chara climbs the mountain to die, but trips and meets the Dreemurs. They become beloved by the kingdom and believed to be their savior. Chara can’t escape humanity’s history of trapping monsters or their own history of their horrible village, and when Asgore is poisoned they realize they’re bad too. It’s a common mindset of suicidal people to want to die before their image is tarnished. die while things are still “good,” when they’re still remembered fondly.

to cross the barrier, you need to have a human soul AND a monster soul. if Chara wanted to, they could of killed any of the Dreemurrs and absorbed their soul. But instead, the buttercup plan is a really freaking horrible way to die. Buttercup poisoning is awful. seriously, look up the symptoms. it’s bad. which is also why i believe Chara hated themself so much to put up with that form of death. -then they die, and become part of the Asriel and Chara fusion. (it should be stated they did not know Chara would be conscious.) the plan they agree on is to kill enough humans to break the barrier and free monster-kind, but Chara wants revenge, which is why they want to kill the humans and not negotiate like Toriel suggests Asgore could of done.

-Humans of course freak out at seeing them + their corpse and attack. Asriel realizes Chara was wrong and doesn’t want to murder, lets himself be killed. As they’re dying Chara screams “its kill or be killed” and both die. -years, possibly a century later depending on what side of the time-skip debate you’re on, Chara awakens in Frisk’s body and interacts with You, the player.

-they likely see you as the True Angel, and follow your orders just as Frisk just kinda vibes and does so as well.

-if you keep murdering, frisk distances themself from the world. (implied by what sans says about LV): * LOVE, too, is an acronym. * It stands for "Level of Violence." * A way of measuring someone's capacity to hurt. * The more you kill, the easier it becomes to distance yourself. * The more you distance yourself, the less you will hurt. * The more easily you can bring yourself to hurt others.

-Frisk, NOPEing out of the whole thing, just leaves Chara, who feels like they are the literal stats of the universe. THAT is why Chara is only really fully present in no mercy, and only narration otherwise. Frisk’s autonomy and how much control they have are directly tied to your LV. Frisk is only named in the pacifist ending because they’re rewarded with the acknowledgement that they’re a person.

-The biggest detail is that it’s not Chara who kills, but YOU. Chara is your partner in crime, and only attacks the player when you refuse to ERASE the world and they kill you themself. it is your power and your determination that brought them to this world, and it is through your actions they believe power is the only they must fight for.

-also, both Chara and frisk are influenced by the player and react differently depending on your actions. (the dog food bag is described as “half full/half empty” depending on your LV, a reference to how one looks at glasses of water to be more optimistic/pessimistic and Frisk will feel good/bad depending on LV when punching the mad dummy in waterfall.) Chara is always just following your lead. they’re not controlling Frisk, you are. however, they are in control of the choices (as confirmed in no mercy you don’t get to choose answers for papyrus’ question and he calls you out on it. personally i like to think each choice answer is from each kid)

anyway yeah that's my overly long analysis of how Chara’s backstory is used to define who they are and then how being revived from the dead, they follow your steps to apply the “kill or be killed” logic to it’s extreme end.

also, its not like Chara is happy about following your orders either.

they think a plant is judging you. they talk about your sins in the sans fight. they call Undyne a hero despite fighting her. Chara doesn’t want to kill Asriel, but once it happens they go ballistic, stabbing repetitively, clearly upset. that then instantly gets them powerful enough to destroy the world, as with how LV is described as distancing yourself and such. Asriel meant the MOST out of everyone, he was their best friend, forever.

#Anonymous #personal stuff #sams replies #long post #undertale analysis

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kpop-zone · 4 years

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Dating JiU & Yoohyeon

A/N: I feel like I suck at writing headcanons, so I’m sorry if this is bad. It’s nothing personal, I love my soft girlfriends :D

Unrelated note: Can anyone else not stop watching Dreamcatcher’s Abracadabra dance cover??

Relationship

Not my GIF, credits to whoever made it

Having a polygamous relationship had never really been weird to either of them

They had found out pretty casually that they were both into you

All of you started out as friends

But one night due to the influence of some alcohol, Yoohyeon and Minji ended up gushing over you for hours

And they realized that they were both in love with you

For a second, they stared at each other helplessly

But then Yoohyeon plucked up all her courage, deciding to tell Minji the complete truth

“Um...you know, Y/N is actually not the only one that I like.”

She mumbled eventually and confessed her feelings to Minji

Who was super relieved to know that she hadn’t just imagined the spark between the two of them

After all feelings had been disclosed, it was clear to them how to handle this situation

It would either be all of you, or no one

Yoohyeon was pretty confident though

In her mind, the three of you were already dating

Minji, on the other hand was a little more anxious

She was scared that you would resent them for their desire

Yoohyeon needed to give her a lot of reassurance until both of them were ready to confess to you

When they confessed eventually, they were a little nervous

So they were all giggly and needed a while to get their confession straight

But then their words were really sincere and heartfelt

You simply couldn’t turn them down

So the three of you hit it off

Due to already being friends for a while, there was no timid getting-to-know each other phase in your relationship

All of you knew about the quirks and weaknesses of each other

But also about the assets

From the moment you started dating the two of them, you could call yourself the master of having it all

Because your girlfriends have everything that you could ask for

They are beautiful, sweet, talented, hot, smart, funny, a little bit crazy...

More often than not, you find yourself contemplating how you had even managed to not only woo one but TWO goddesses

Minji is usually the mature and caring one in your relationship

She loves to take care of Yoohyeon and you

She has a particular soft spot for you though

While all of you like to tease each other

She is never too ruthless with you

Much to the dismay of Yoohyeon who is always defenseless against your alliance

Another manifestation of Minji’s soft spot for you is the way she spoils you

She always tells Yoohyeon to just buy herself some food on the way back home after a long day at work

When you complain about feeling hungry though, she doesn’t shy back from whipping out her cooking skills

Of course, Yoohyeon gets pouty in light of this preferential treatment of yours

But Minji always tells her that you were simply more deserving of sweet gestures

Because you like to spoil your girls too

It’s the little things that make Minji happy

A note on her nightstand, remembering her coffee order, surprising her with lunch at work...

She doesn’t make big demands, but she always rewards you with an expression on her face that could make you believe that you had just bought her the sun

Yoohyeon, on the other hand, is interested in everything that is unusual

So you sometimes buy her stuff that might be a little weird to others

But you know that she loves it

Once you bought her an old film camera that belonged to a German woman a few decades back

After developing the film, she got super into German culture

And even started to learn German

Minji and you are always really impressed because Yoohyeon is just so smart

While being a clumsy, helpless baby simultaneously

But that is just one of the many reasons why the two of you love her

Yoohyeon is also the one who keeps the energy level of your relationship up at all times

She never sits still and always has a thousand ideas for not so cute dates

Sometimes her dates are a complete success even though they are unusual

For example, when she took you to an abandoned amusement park

And you had a photoshoot and a cute picknick together

But once, she dragged you to a “cool magic show”

Only for you to end up at a weird cult meeting

Nevertheless, Minji and you seldomly say no to her suggestions

Both of you know that Yoohyeon means well

She just loves the two of you so much and wouldn’t mind spending every living minute of hers with you

Which is why she always wants to convince you to accompany them on their tours

Neither her nor Minji consider their relationship complete when you are not with them

Therefore, you receive a lot of text messages and cute videos when they leave you behind

Yoohyeon never hides how much she misses you

Minji, on the other hand, usually gets really quiet when the separation is getting too hard for her

Until her feelings eventually get the better of her and she needs your comfort

Both of them always make sure that you know that the two of them are incomplete without you

Therefore, jealousy plays absolutely no role in your relationship

You are really honest with each other and your feelings are always fully disclosed

There’s not one duo that has a stronger bond than the others

You are all equally connected by love

And neither of you can stand it when you are apart

That’s why you always savor the times that you are together to the fullest

Therefore, your love is also very obvious to see for everyone else

Yoohyeon is the one who’s least afraid to show your relationship publicly

Not that she would be able to keep her hands to herself anyways

She’s the one that gets the angriest whenever strangers look at you derogatory

Minji on the other hand is a little more careful

Not necessarily because she’s ashamed of your relationship

But because she often wants to seem like a mature and well-mannered adult in public

So she keeps the PDA at a bare minimum

Eventually, however, her façade always ends up crumbling

And her goofy, clingy self comes to light

She’s just a sucker for soft touches

So she will gently run her fingertips up and down your arms, put her hands on your thighs or simply intertwine your fingers

But she is not only in charge of the soft aspects in your relationship

She also has a wild and slightly crazy side to her

And it’s the times when she chooses to show it that the three of you have the most fun

You can be so LOUD and reckless when no one is there to tame you

Especially because you are so comfortable around each other

Shyness is not a word in your vocabulary

All of you know that you can share your weirdest thoughts with each other

There is no judgement in your relationship

Therefore, you feel completely comfortable when you are around your girlfriends

No matter whether you are cute or crazy together, you know that you are safe in the presence of each other

Your relationship is just filled with love, laughter and trust

And you couldn’t imagine ever living without either of your girlfriends anymore

NSFW

Not my GIF, credits to whoever made it

Queens of duality

Your sex is either cute and giggly

Or hot and kinky

That completely depends on your girlfriends’ moods

When they return from a tight schedule, they are usually beat for a few days

Which doesn’t change anything about their high sex drive though

Physical touch is a very important part of your relationship

So they are always very touch starved when they come back home

Which leads to some intense cuddle sessions that always turn to something more

They love to put you in the center of attention

Because both of them feel sorry for leaving you behind

They try to make it up to you by whispering sweets nothings into your ear while caressing your whole body

The mood is never too sensual though

Because one of you will end up saying something funny

But no one is really bothered by that

You love to laugh together in intimate moments like that

And neither of you is a fan of monotony anyways, so you like that not a single night is ever like the other

One thing that is for sure though is that you are in for a long time

Both, Minji and Yoohyeon, like to take their time with you

And they are a well attuned team

They know every single weak spot on your body and how to work it

While one pays attention to one of them, the other takes care of another

Generally, you enjoy really slow and vanilla sex after they return from an exhausting schedule

That changes though when their energy levels are up again

Sex during those times is a lot rougher and also a little chaotic

Because there is no clear distribution of roles

It’s always a surprise who will take control

Yoohyeon can be a bratty bottom

She loves to test her limits and to get put into her place

But she also loves to take control, especially because she is usually the one who suggest trying new things

Minji can be somewhat of a pillow princess when she’s in the mood

But neither Yoohyeon nor you mind

Because Minji is usually the one taking care of the two of you on a daily basis, you like to take your sweet time with her in bed to repay her

But when her wild side is activated, she won’t let Yoohyeon nor you take control

She likes to give orders and won’t accept anything less than complete obedience

Might have a mommy kink too

Both, Yoohyeon and Minji, can be big teases

It gives them a lot of pleasure to see you getting frustrated

Although neither of them ever takes it too far

That also applies to toys, BDSM and other kinks

While neither of them shies back from getting a little experimental in bed (as long as everyone is ok with it, you don’t really have boundaries)

They don’t enjoy seeing either of you hurt or too frustrated

And while they love to leave their marks (especially on you), it’s usually only hickeys and maybe a few light scratches, nothing more

After all of you have tired each other out to your satisfaction, you always end up in an intertwined ball of limbs

Because soft cuddles and pillow talks are a must

Even if all of you are already half-asleep, you will mumble trivial things until all of you drift off into a deep slumber

You’re just a bunch of softies with a wild side

#dreamcatcher headcanons #dreamcatcher #dreamcatcher imagine #jiu #minji #yoohyeon #girl group headcanon #girl group #kpop headcanon #kpop

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alwida10 · 4 years

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The tragedy of Loki of Asgard

Or why I think the Infinity War Loki should stay dead.

TW: suicide, depression, narcissistic behavior

To understand this essay you need some basic understanding of the family dynamic in Odins family. The dynamic is one of a narcistic parent who has a golden child he projects his own awesomeness onto and a scapegoat child . The parent ensures himself the support of the golden child and makes himself the very center of attention, which is what a narcisst tribes for. The golden child longs to remain golden child and refrains from criticism of the parent. The scapegoat child strives to finally get out of the scapegoat position by pleasing the parent. To bad the child can’t do so because it gets not the blame because it did something wrong but because there must always be someone to blame. Therefore possible explanations and things the parent presented as desirable aren’t really that. Now, a golden child sooner or later gets used to blame everything on the scapegoat. It might even learn to control the scapegoat by blaming him the same way the parent did (aka the scapegoat longs for positive attention/affirmation and therefore does everything the golden child wants him to).

Now, in Thor Ragnarok Odin says ‘I love you my sons’ before he dies, placing the two of them more or less on equal positions for the first time ever. (I know there can be good arguments made, but just let’s assume it’s possition zero they start at.)

Pretty soon both end up on Sakarr, Thor in prison, Loki in the Grandmasters favors. Loki visits Thor in prison, suggesting teaming up, even though it endangers his position (the Grandmaster could hear about it, Thor would probably claim the higher position etc.) At that moment Thor doesn’t have anything to offer. Yet, he stonewalls, blaming Loki for all bad that happened. (For a much more detailed spot -on analysis please read this post where @i-dreamed-i-had-a-son even correctly predicted Loki’s death).

The whole dynamic in the prison is Thor falling back into the old family dynamic. Only that Odin is dead now, and the position of the prime narcisst is open. Now, narcissm is often correlated with abusive behavior, as written in ‘why does he do that? - inside they mind of angry and controlling men’ by Lundy Bancroft. In another post I found many of the things she describes can be observed in Thor’s actions in Thor Ragnarok.

But let’s get finally come to the elevator scene which is the heart piece of my explanation. Remember – Loki is at this point starved for any affirmation or positive reaction by his family. After Thor rejected Loki’s plan, he accepted Loki joining his plan. Thor lures Loki by claiming they should talk right before they enter the elevator. For a starving person this is huge temptation. But Loki did live with his family for eons and is certainly aware of it being a trap.

Right from his first appearance in Thor 1 (before the coronation) we learn that Loki never lowers his guard when it comes to admitting feelings. In that scene he said he loved Thor but directly glossed it over with a joke. After all what happened in Thor 1, Avengers and TDW Loki would never let himself appear weak by outright asking if Thor does still hold any positive feelings mg a for him. So he uses reverse psychology (claiming something against your own wishes, hoping the other disagrees and thereby affirms you.)

LOKI: Here's the thing. I'm probably better off staying here on Sakaar.

The problem with reverse psychology is when the other person agrees with it, it hits you right where it hurts the most.

THOR: That's exactly what I was thinking.

LOKI: ...Did you just agree with me?

THOR: This place is perfect for you. It's savage, chaotic, lawless. Brother,you're going to do GREAT here.

Thor follows up by insulting Loki and pushing him away hard. Why? Because he knows Loki has nobody else to turn to. Even after TDW Loki returned to Asgard. For one part because he’s still loyal but certainly also for the lack of alternatives. And Asgard will always include Thor. Thor knows Loki won’t be able to leave him.

LOKI: Do you truly think so little of me?

Loki is hurt, obviously and it’s very much visible on his face. To make sure no blame can be laid open him, Thor uses gaslighting.

THOR: Loki, I thought the world of you. I thought we were gonna fight side by side forever. But, at the end of the day, you're you, I'm me… I don't know, maybe there's still good in you, but let's be honest, our paths diverged a long time ago.

Loki is wounded by Thor's willingness to discard him. But he masks his feelings.

LOKI: It's probably for the best that we never see one another again.

Thor pats Loki on the shoulder, placing the obidience disk. And this action proves that the manipulation on Thor’s part was intentional. Why else would he have done it? (Everyone claiming ‘Loki betrayed Thor endless times, please read this meta). Thor knew that by pushing Loki away hard enough he would trigger a desperate act of reactive aggression. He did so to push Loki back into his place (which is beneath him, as far Thor is concerned). As soon that has happened Thor gives his little self righteous speech.

THOR: Oh brother, you're becoming predictable. I trust you, you betray me. Round and round in circles we go. See, Loki, life is about, it's about growth. It's about change.But you seem to just wanna stay the same. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you'll always be the God of Mischief, but you could be more.

Briefly summarized:

you suck, and I don’t think you’ll ever be worth my affection. If you want to try tho, here is your option.

Of course, to prove Thor wrong Loki is forced to resume his subservant position he had at the beginning of Thor 1. He can only ‘prove his worth’ by doing Thor’s bidding and supporting his plans. And that he does. He convinces kork and his crew to join him and brings them to Asgard where he receives his reward by Thor acknowledging him in a not-aggressive way. He even fulfills Thor’s plan, knowing that henceforth he will be blamed whenever someone remembers Asgard’s destruction. In Thor’s ‘coronation scene’ Loki stands at the side, behind the Valkyrie (yet, still at the right side. That surprised me, tbh. The ‘right hand of the King’ is a prestigious title and I didn’t believe TW would have allowed Loki that. But he’s still only second on Thor’s right.)

Anyway, Loki is back in the position he had in Thor 1 with a lot of added baggage and no Frigga to rant to when everything gets to bad. And then Thanos appears. Under Thanos Loki would suffer even more than under Thor (remember the Other’s ‘no barren moon..’ speach.) So basically he’s caught between two horrible fates.

Loki’s death scene itself has been criticized a lot and everyone knows the butterknive-discourse. It can only interpreted in two ways: either him being stupid or him being suicidal. Based on all written above and the fact that he already tried to commit suicide at the end of Thor 1, I can only believe the second to be true.

It has another point: Tom said Loki’s arc was finished. I was confused and unhappy about this statement, but now I am coming to piece with it. Tom loves Shakespeare, including Hamlet and Coriolanus. Those are tragedies. Tragedies are characterized by the protagonist being ruined because of a dramatic conflict that leaves him only two choices, one being death and one being worse. So perhaps this is his very own version of the tragedy of Loki of Asgard.

#Loki meta #long post #meins #MCU loki #anti thor ragnarok #anti taika waititi

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bearpillowmonster · 3 years

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Metroid: Sammy Returns Review

Believe it or not, I have the amiibos for this game, I got them the morning they released, the Metroid is even my chapstick holder. So I guess I can finally see what those do...oh wait, you need a specific reader or the "NEW" 3DS or 2DS XL...dang, I just have my sister's vanilla. (30$ for a reader!) I'll tell you what though, I haven't played 3DS in a long time so maybe I forgot how to hold it but it digs into my palm.

I'd even go as far as to say that this is a darn good sequel. I mentioned how accessible ZM seemed but this one might even be a little more so, that doesn't mean it's easier or anything, heck no, but it shows you the ropes subtly and encourages you in such a way that makes you feel rewarded. Even without some of the new features and coat of paint, the original seems like it did a similar job.

We'll start with some quality of life stuff.

The shooting was already great in Zero Mission but it's boosted just that extra amount by the laser and gyro. Rather than looking to see what can be broken or looking for ways to get into places, there's a scan pulse which shows you, both on the map and in-game, there's even a meter to recharge it by defeating enemies. It's not as if you just click it every step of the way though, it's not Prime, it's just when you feel lost or stuck. You can see the frozen enemies slowly melt versus blinking. You can also put pins on the map.

The melee is introduced here and I think it could use a little work because I could be right next to an enemy, using the button and she swings but no damage is dealt, so it's unfortunately only used as a counter. I'll admit that I tried the Dread demo and it's the same way (because I'm a timing baby and parrying isn't my forte) but I've gotten better and I'm glad it's even there at all. There are also a lot more abilities that I've personally seen in the later games but originated here, as early as the Gameboy classic version too.

It gives you checkpoints so if you die, you can go back to either the room before you died or wherever you were last safe but it's not a save state, it's just for if you die to a boss or something, so once you beat the boss, you're good, you don't have to beat it again, even if you die right after. The orbs you collect (health or scanning) are attracted to you but the game seems less forgiving with damage because I can get hit once and be down over half a tank, as you move through the suits, it starts to get better but enemies also become tougher. Ball bombs status: About the same as ZM but there are items that can act as a replacement so it isn't needed as much.

I do have a complaint though. So there are some parts where either an enemy or wallfire is immediately in the next room (no door) and there's no way to tell therefore, no reaction time and can prove to be a fatal mistake. Maybe that's part of the challenge but it can be hard to tell whether one of the wallfires is on or not when you're in the next room! Especially when you're transitioning from ball to full form. It's rare but it still happens. Also, there are times where the framerate will drop because the screen is so busy and you move so quickly but it's nothing gamebreaking, I just got done playing KH1 on PS2 again and I think I had worse dips in Hollow Bastion than this game if that's a point of reference for you.

Even with reoccurring bosses, I felt like it was justified because they gave variety and whenever you faced the next one, you were usually stronger and learned its patterns already so you can feel how much more powerful and more experienced you've gotten as a player, which in a way is reflective of what Metroid games do as a whole. By the end, you feel like a powerhouse. There's even a part reminiscent of the Mother Brain level where you have to beat all the Metroids and they actually stay defeated as long as you clear that room so no having to restart the whole level again.

This was the game that I started on Christmas, the one I rung in the new year with, just before midnight I got the Varia suit. This game is fun and I felt like I could just play it because it's handheld so I could play casually and or seriously if I wanted. I felt that with the other games as well but this is the first one I played on a proper DS. Pretty sure I spent more time with this than ZM, a whopping 13 hours because I wasn't rushing. So no, I didn't get any of the babes but it's just a picture anyway, maybe one day I'll replay it so I can get the green haired version...or even the fusion one! A great 4/5

(not my image)

#metroid #review #samus returns #sammy returns #8/10 #4/5 #game #msr #sr

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hexhealed · 3 years

Photo

˗ ˏ ˋ ( kristine froseth, twenty-one, cis woman, she / her ) — is that ANDROMEDA BLACK just saw in the courtyard? i hear they’re a SLYTHERIN, returning for their SIXTH school year, but something more juicy is them being ENTERPRISING & THOUGHTFUL as well as DETACHED & CONFLICTED. if you want some more details on them, i guess i could tell you that they’re PUREBLOOD, and from the rumors i heard, they’re currently allying with THE NEUTRALS. personally, i think they remind of: solemn family portraits lining a darkened hall, puppet pulling at her strings, archaic tomes precariously stacked, aristocratic nose to the grindstone, the sweet sting of venom, honey, & healing. but that might be just me. — ( kit, she / they, 23 ) ˎˊ ˗

TW — unhealthy family dynamics, emotional abuse / neglect, v. vague allusions to mental health issues.

basics ,

full name. andromeda cygnella black. known as. andromeda, andie. age / date of birth. twenty-one / april 2nd, 1960. year. sixth year. blood status. pureblood. house. slytherin. alliance. neutral. gender / pronouns. cis woman, she / her. orientation. bisexual, biromantic, grey-ace. extracurriculars. chaser for the slytherin quidditch team; member of the herbology, potions, slug, and occamy dueling clubs; hospital wing volunteer. additional stats. click here.

early life ,

andromeda is born a mere few months after bellatrix, and is instantly her mother’s darling. for a long time, she doesn’t question — doesn’t even truly comprehend — the way her mother favors her, desperate as she is for her parents’ approval. they are exacting, demanding, withholding; they praise one daughter or another, it seems, only to shame the other two in their failures.

andie takes what she can get, where she can get it, for as long as she can, letting her parents pit her against her sisters in a constant battle for attention, affection, and approval. but it’s a battle she starts to lose, middle child that she is. despite all andromeda’s efforts, it seems being perfect comes as naturally as breathing to little narcissa, and druella redirects her favoritism towards her youngest daughter. and while bella is at a disadvantage, she makes up for it in sheer willpower; she turns herself into their father’s perfect slytherin heir, what andie was supposed to be. ( note, of course, that this is how andie experiences this; the truth is that each sister was of course neglected and traumatized in their own way ! )

for most of her early childhood, andie doesn’t really question the world she lives in; doesn’t think too hard about the wealth, the blood purity, the high society circles in which her family moves. it is as natural as the air around her. yet she manages nonetheless to ruffle feathers, draw suspicion. at age six she questions innocently why uncle marius has been cursed from the family tree; the answer horrifies her, though she tries to hide it, saying nothing and staying up late at night wondering if her parents would ever disown her for something like that.

( ..... will probably add some more once i’ve sorted some more black sisters plots ? )

she really enjoys quidditch and plays whenever she can find an opponent ( bella doesn’t care for the sport, and lets her know as much. ) it’s not a ladylike pursuit, her mother reminds her, but at least her father approves. at first, it’s only the children of her parents’ friends, all pureblood, all high-society, but as one by one they start going off to hogwarts, andie needs to find herself new friends. this is how she takes her first steps out of her ignorance, more interested in finding playmates than purebloods; but the common little muggleborn derisions that are the black family bread and butter do not do well among her new friends, and she starts realizing for the first time the unkindness of her family’s beliefs.

this is where the split starts, between andie and andromeda black, because whatever she is, she must be hidden; she leaves the façade of andromeda standing as she carefully slips out from behind it, and no one is much the wiser.

hogwarts ,

to finally go to hogwarts is a relief for andie. it offers an escape out of the stifling environment and the constant disapproval of her parents; at the same time, though, it gives her every opportunity to impress them. and she still wants to, especially following in bella’s footsteps; she’s always admired her older sister, always wanted to be just as clever, just as talented, just as capable. it’s this burning desire to be valued that has the sorting hat deciding, after just a few moments, to place her in slytherin.

and so without realizing she slips back, subsumed once more into pureblood ideology, so much stronger when impressed by her peers; it’s much easier to dismiss her parents as outdated, and keep her mouth shut, than it is to disagree with the cool upper years, especially when they are conspicuously nice to her.

as time passes, though, she slowly becomes something else other than bella’s little sister, expanding her horizons at last somewhat. she excels academically, as is expected of her — cygnus and druella would not suffer their children to enter school unprepared — and joins the potions and herbology clubs, spending less and less time in the slytherin common room. hoping to play quidditch, she tries out her first year but fails; in her second year, she secures a spot as a chaser.

her year three electives become something of a bone of contention over the preceding summer; alongside arithmancy, andie signs up for muggle studies. her family disapproves. she has to assure them it’s a purely academic pursuit, that she’s only curious but never sympathetic — and she doubts whether they’re convinced.

she’s still trying to be and seem apolitical, trying to toe the line, but with each passing year she finds it less and less sustainable. once, she might have been ignorant, simply might not have known better; now, she knows better, and she’s just a coward. at this point she can see straight through her family’s pureblood supremacy. but then, as much as it turns her stomach, they are her family. she loves them. and more than that, she fears them.

so to assuage her guilt andie simply overworks herself. ( can’t feel guilty if you’re too tired ! ) between club meetings, quidditch practices, and homework, she’s overworked as it is, but when her potions professor approaches and suggests, given her skill, she may be helpful to madam pomfrey in the hospital wing, she cannot refuse. it’s simple work, preparing ingredients, cleaning, changing sheets, but she finds it oddly rewarding.

in her o.w.l. consultations, andromeda decides to pursue healing; she’s fascinated by magical medicine, and fantasizes about doing research and experimental magic, about pushing boundaries. but her parents would be happier if she simply said she wanted to be a st. mungo’s healer, so that’s what she says. the christmas holidays in her fifth year are the first holidays she chooses to stay at hogwarts; she tells her parents she simply must, that between her clubs, quidditch, and o.w.l.s she’s much too busy for a holiday. truth is, she simply dreads spending two weeks alone with her family.

she excels at her o.w.l.s, but it doesn’t leave her feeling proud, just relieved that she won’t have to face her parents empty-handed. the idea of spending all summer back in her family home is torturous, but thankfully she doesn’t have to; her parents pull some strings, talk to some old family friends and secure her an internship at st. mungo’s over the summer. she expresses her gratitude politely to them, and her relief to her friends in cautious letters, and stays in a room in the city for nearly the whole summer.

personality , hcs , etc. ,

got the nickname andie at hogwarts; her family has always called her by her full name. her parents seemed unreasonably upset with her about it — something about throwing away family tradition, not honoring their wishes for her, and other nonsense.

loves to throw herself into her responsibilities, hobbies, and interests as a way of avoiding inner turmoil; has a strong problem-solving impulse that gets way worse whenever she has bigger, unsolvable problems.

speaking of, she loves herbology, catch her in the greenhouses most days of the week. she loves the smell, the warmth, the dirt beneath her nails, the way the rest of the school grounds outside feel so distant behind the glass. the greenhouses are her church and sanctuary.

monstrously overworked and definitely verging on a burnout; between school, quidditch, career thoughts, the impending war, volunteer work, and sorting through some deep-seated personal issues.

might be the nicest black sister, but that’s not really a high bar to clear. though she carries a lot of guilt and tries to resolve that by doing good work, keeping her head down and not being explicitly hateful, she’s not exactly kind. she’s a bit of a know-it-all and loves to argue with people, can be really condescending, lashes out when she’s feeling insecure, and can hold a grudge like nobody’s business.

very much enjoys muggle music, after it was shared with her by friends. she named her owl ziggy after ziggy stardust, knowing full well that her parents wouldn’t have the faintest clue what it meant.

plots ,

just wanted to say first of all that i love plotting, hc’ing, brainstorming, etc. so please hit me up ! if nothing here works i’m super happy to think of something else. also, every single one of these is open to all genders unless specified ! i also especially love plotting based on other connections ( i.e. muse a and muse b are friends, muse b and muse c are exes, therefore muse a and muse c do not get along, or smth ) idk i just have a lot of ideas !

friends. this could go a lot of ways ! very importantly, andie doesn’t pick her friends for their politics; they could be death eaters, order members, or neutral. more important is their ability to put up with andie’s nonsense. that being said alliances would definitely play a part in how they interact, etc. ofc.

unofficial engagement. a betrothal is a bit archaic, andie’s made clear in so many words. her parents and this muse’s parents, rather than putting their foot down and making demands, are quite cunning in their attempt to play matchmaker. they invite each other and their family to dinners, ask after them in every letter, and never pass up an opportunity to throw the pair of them together. would definitely be a pureblood, ‘respectable’ and probably but not necessarily a slytherin ! how the two of them feel about it is also very open-ended — enemies, slow-burn, fake dating, friendship, i’m happy with anything !

exes. give me a bunch of these ! there’s so many options for this. their first little ‘relationship’ that maybe lasted only a few months, going on their first lil hogmeade dates together ? first loves making plans to visit each other over summers ? some hookup that one of them thought was much more serious than the other ? something a lil star-crossed & pushed apart by families ? an ex andie unceremoniously dumped last year to focus on her studies ? exes who are good friends, exes who hate each other, exes who are so embarrassed to have dated each other they pretend nothing ever happened, just. any of them. pls.

crushes / flirtationships. all the crushes ! an youthful crush that she swears she’s gotten over but she still gets flustered whenever they talk to her; someone who’s interested in her, but whom she has less than zero interest in ( or, alternatively, is pretending to have no interest in ); mutual crushes but they’re both convinced the other person hates them or is out of their league; mutual crushes but they’re also constantly bickering and everyone thinks they’ve already been married forty years; bad crushes that she feels bad about for whatever reason ( they are death eaters, or seeing someone else, or a rival in some way, idk ), etc. etc.

childhood friends. lots of options here too; high society pureblood kids her parents approved of, but also any halfbloods in and around london who are into quidditch, and would play with andie ?

study buddy. andie’s a big nerd. give her some friends to study with ? someone who won’t give her a weird look when she threatens to hex chatty first years in the library. they can ask each other questions and help with charms practice and share their hopes, dreams, and aspirations ! definitely made a pact last year to get x amount of o.w.l.s. should be in sixth year, but doesn’t necessarily need to be an overachieving nerd like andie.

potions partner. fairly self-explanatory; they’re adjacent to a study buddy but work together pretty much exclusively in potions class. this would ideally be one of two types: either they’re also very, very good at potions and they’ve partnered together to make sure they both get top marks each class, or alternatively, this is someone who struggles with potions and who was partnered with andie, either against her will ( thanks slughorn ) or out of the ( unlikely ) kindness of her heart, and she helps them get up to speed.

academic rival. the opposite of a study buddy. study enemy ? should also be a sixth year so that they share classes with andromeda. they’re both overachieving students and will stare daggers at each other in class whenever the other person raises their hand. andie feels very threatened and definitely lets her insecurity get the best of her in this dynamic.

quidditch rival. is there anything better than a sports rivalry ? no ! this could be anywhere from a friendly bantering rivalry to a full on, hate-your-guts, will hex you on the pitch if i can rivalry ? could be simply because of their teams, because they have issues off the field, or because they accidentally ran head-on into each other in their first match and now can’t let it go ? just think this could be fun !

frienemies. okay, hear me out. gimme a buddy for andie where their entire friendship essentially revolves around gently verbally abusing each other — or at least, that’s andie’s side because she’s a great big bully ! but if they’re ever in trouble or getting shit from anyone she will drop anything and go fight. someone she probably really adores but will only begrudgingly admit to. mostly she calls ‘em names.

petty enemies. so, i know it’s stupid to hold onto old grudges when there’s a literal war on the horizon, but andie ? andie does not. she’s really pettier than that. would love for this to be someone who she just really butted heads with in her earlier hogwarts years and they’ve both just never gotten over it. they’re very petty and don’t even really remember why they don’t like each other but are they gonna get over it now ? heck no.

true enemies. not petty, not somewhat friendly, not a rivalry but a true and burning hatred. just. give it to meeeeeee. this could be a muse with strong political opinions who really hates where andie stands & isn’t afraid to say so, but could also just be more personal; maybe andie did something ? i’m very okay with her being the bad guy here too.

confidant. andie has a lot going on that she doesn’t/can’t really talk to other people about; maybe this muse is just a very good listener, or maybe they have their own deep dark secrets ? either way, they can tell each other things very few others are privy to.

patients. might be a bit of a stretch of the definition since right now andie’s not a medical professional any more than a candy striper might be, but has your muse been injured at any point in the past year/year and a half or so ? it’s possible that you might be entitled to some compensation for them having to put up with andie being annoying as hell during their hospital wing stay.

#ehqintro #⧽ always half - hidden ∖ development .#i hope this is ok ! i triple checked family intros but if there's anything that conflicts or anything pls let me know and i'll fix it !#will i ever write an intro under 2k words ? probably not lmao

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cofferi · 3 years

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Just some FFXIV thoughts....

To start, here's some boring info about me: I used to play Maple Story, Flyff, and Ragnarok Online, as well as a myriad of other obscure mmos and private servers back in the 2000s. Point is none of these were considered hardcore in the slightest.

So, starting ffxiv after so long kind of hit me like a train. I get to level 15 where I must queue up for my first low level dungeon Sastasha in order to move forward with the story. I don't have friends so I will be grouped up with 3 random strangers. The expected wait time to get in is like 7 mins. I wait about 5 mins and then withdraw from queue.

I have to do stuff with others??? Ummmmmmmmm. I honestly wandered around the map for like half an hour just questioning myself and if I should keep going.

Tank? Healer? DPS?

Coming from games of long ago where you just kinda wanted to have a healer on your team but you had no real obligation to, ffxiv actually recognizes the job roles and specifically requires a party of 1 tank, 1 healer, and 2 dps. You cannot deviate from this! (Well, you can but that's not typical, and later dungeons expand the number of players in a party but the general idea of requiring at least one of each role is still the same). It's interesting to me how this structure has become so sacred. Dungeons cannot be completed without you doing your specific job. It's to promote efficiency and comfort so everyone generally knows what to do as well as what others will do right off the bat.

Visibility AKA "Why are people looking at me"

Oh no. So, if everyone has a job to do that means there is the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known. If you don't do your job, your party members WILL notice lol! And it will be obvious because there will be just 4 of you in the party. It's not hard to see what 3 others are doing. Further, if you're tank/healer, you will be the only one of your job role in your party. If you don’t follow your role, no one else can cover for you. You are very visible. And that's very anxiety-inducing!! You don't want to let the party down. Here are some notable job anxiety narratives:

- Tankxiety. You have to essentially lead your party through a scary maze-like dungeon. Nobody will move unless the tank moves first because the tank needs to be the one to take initial damage and get enemy aggro. You are therefore kind of expected to know your way around and where to go. This is less about competency, though, and more about confidence in yourself. If you get lost, no one tangibly loses anything. You just find the way eventually. Playing tank forces you to learn maps and enemy patterns. As someone who would rather fade away into the background, this scared the shit out of me.

- Healing responsibility. If someone/everyone dies, it's your fault. It's common to feel like this even if your party consists of 3 dumbasses who can't play and kill themselves on purpose. You feel responsibility because the whole point of you is to take care of everyone. That's the reality, and that's a lot of pressure. Playing healer forces you to have 0.1 reaction time, learn enemy patterns, and know how to prioritize who gets to live and who stays dead. People’s lives are on the line. When I was a child, I told my parents straight up I could never be a doctor.

- No real dps bad narratives though except to git gud. You're not as visible at being bad dps unless you literally stand there doing nothing. You can be head empty no thoughts about most maps and enemies as long as you react normally enough.

This game sounds very unforgiving and mean

To combat this anxiety hurdle, there is a huge focus on guiding and taking care of new people who don't know much. You have a literal sprout icon next to your name until you catch up to the latest expansion. So, like 1000+ game hours?? You are overtly "new" for a very long time.

Because the game is so heavily story-driven and requires a new 4-person dungeon run literally every step of the way, these dungeon queues need to have a steady stream of players ready to run them at all times. Otherwise, it would be actually impossible for newbies to get through the story. Not everyone has friends to make a pre-party with, ok cool guy. Majority of dungeon crawling is done with random parties.

So, you get rewards out the ass for running "duty finder" daily which puts you in a random unlocked dungeon with an automatically-generated party of random people. It is the #1 best way to get exp and level up. You are essentially rewarded for helping out new people to do their required dungeons. You can give advice during the run, tell them how best to go about things, give tips on their job, etc.

I find this so smart as a game philosophy in order to get people to constantly play/revisit all content while also being friendly to new people. New people are the lifeblood of a game. You literally cannot just play in a bubble with only top tier savage raider people and shield yourself from new people or incompetency. Not that I'm calling only new people incompetent.

Competency AKA "What am I doing and why am I bad”

The side effect of running these dungeons randomized is that you will often be dropped into one that you completely forgot about. The average person cannot memorize every single one and everything that happens in it. The game came out in 2010 so there is 10+ years of content.

If this game teaches you anything it's that You Will Fuck Up and it will be a lot and until the end of time. You are honestly forced to come face to face with your own incompetency nearly every time you log on lol. In a sense, you try to put on your best performance every time you enter a 20 min dungeon instance and just hope you don't cause a party meltdown.

It won't matter how many times you practice your rotation or how many times you run through the same dungeon over and over. You will inevitably forget something, you will misclick, you will get tunnel vision and forget to move from an aoe and get slammed in the face and die.

But it's fine. I see people dying to dumb shit all the time. It's fine because you get up and try again. Dungeons are not so difficult that you can't get through it on a second try, usually. There are no consequences to dying or performing sub-optimally except your own personal shame, time, and sadness. In fact, there's an exhilaration you get when things get particularly hairy but everyone pulls through by the skin of their teeth and manages to make it out alive.

CONCLUSION: You are important and contribute to the fight in your own way.

Only once you get over the Mortifying Ordeal can you then achieve the Rewards of Being Loved. There is something so satisfying about each successful dungeon run and knowing it is the result of each party member's cumulative contribution. When a role is missing or dies, there is a noticeable difference. (Even dps. Sometimes fights are ones of attrition and will take 5-10x longer without dps).

So, yes, you are extremely visible to other random strangers who may judge you. But that also means that when you do a good job, your good job is visible. 80% of my dungeon runs end in the party thanking each other. The pressure the game puts on you to do your best but not to stress too hard about it is just enough, in my opinion.

You are encouraged to get over yourself, your ego, your own anxiety.

Personally, it is a point of pride for myself if I am able to hit all my buttons right when I'm supposed to. I want to be good for myself and for my random party members who I will ride or die for after just 20 mins. The game wants you to do your best, to be social and communicate when things go awry, and also to be humble in the face of weird shit happening -- all at the right levels. And then you are treated to the coolest damn visuals and game mechanics I've ever experienced!

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mostlycompetentwriter · 5 years

Text

Hoodie Season

F/M Pairing: Y/N X Hwang Hyunjin

Genre: Married Life AU

Warnings: Smut and Language

Word Count: 7K

Note: Another requested Fic! Enjoyyyy

It was a Friday morning and I refused to leave the familiar comforts of my bed. With the addition of the sun hitting just right from the low-slanted window, I was prepared to give up on the possibility of moving from my comfortable position, even if that meant missing work today. After all, I endured an endless barrage of tiring conditions throughout the week, listening to adolescent teenagers gossip and complain about every possible topic. Therefore, this type of treatment was certainly warranted, even if the sounds of the traffic outside proved to be an annoying disturbance.

I let out a yawn, turning onto my side to face away from the street, pausing when I realized that there was something beneath my hand. I reluctantly pried open one eye, glancing down to see what I had just discovered. Irritation boiled beneath my skin when I realized several pregnancy magazines were strewn across the sheets. “What the hell?” I groaned, suddenly losing any prior interest in sleeping. I gathered the magazines together before storming into the kitchen where Hyunjin was sitting at the counter with a cup of coffee in hand. I tossed the magazines onto the empty space in front of him. “You’re not exactly subtle these days,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

My husband glanced up at me over the brim of his coffee mug. “What do you mean?” he asked with innocent eyes.

“I don’t want kids right now, Hyunjin,” I said, glowering at him once more. “Isn’t it enough that we deal with students every day at school?”

“But they’d be our kids, Y/N,” he pouted, attempting to hand me a magazine from atop the messy pile.

I ignored his offering, shaking my head while storming into the kitchen. “I don’t care if they’re our kids, I’m not ready!”

“They’re so cute though,” Hyunjin said, opening one of the covers. “Look at how small they are!”

“Yeah? Well, they won’t stay that small forever,” I said. “And then they’ll be just like those horny high school demons we deal with every day.”

“Aren’t you being dramatic?” he asked which was quite ironic coming from the Hwang Hyunjin, AKA, one of the most over-dramatic people I have ever met in my entire life. The same Hyunjin who demanded that they move Mr. Henderson into a new classroom because he was located right next to the library where I worked and Hyunjin was certain he was flirting with me.

“Babe, you can’t even pretend to be serious,” I said, reaching for the cereal from the top shelf. “I think you’re determined to test me today.”

“Our babies would be so beautiful,” Hyunjin went on as if he was refusing to listen to my counter-arguments.

“You’re only acting like this because one of your friends had a kid.”

“Maybe,” Hyunjin shrugged, joining me in the kitchen as I spooned more Fruit Loops into my mouth. “But you can’t tell me that you weren’t enamored with your nieces at my mom’s Christmas party.”

“I was just being nice,” I grumbled, ignoring the way Hyunjin was now clambering for my attention, arms wrapped around my waist. Hyunjin was always clingy in the mornings, fresh-faced with the lingering effects of sleep clouding his eyes.

“Can you at least pretend to think about it?” Hyunjin whined.

“Maybe if you’re good,” I said, loosening his hold which allowed me to slip through to the other side of the counter. “Don’t forget that your little PR stunt woke me up early this morning, babe, and I don’t forgive easily.”

“Don’t act like you hated it,” Hyunjin said, reaching for the car keys out of the small dish we kept by the door. “Am I driving?”

“How else will I intake my daily caffeine addiction?” I asked, pouring the remaining coffee into a travel mug. “But slow down in the school zone, I don’t think our bank account can take another traffic violation.”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes. “I was barely over the limit.”

I grinned at the way he tried to defend himself. “Give me twenty minutes to make myself look decent.”

“Wouldn’t want to scare the kids, right Y/N?”

“Thin ice, Hyunjin, you’re very close to sleeping on the couch tonight.”

Hyunjin smirked because he knew my threats were empty. I was weak for my husband and he liked to exploit my affections for him at every opportunity possible. For example, last night he pretended to be super excited for the new season of the Bachelor (even though he hates the show) just because he wanted me sat in his lap while he did his best to decorate my neck with colorful marks.

In conclusion, Hyunjin was my kryptonite, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Hyunjin and I arrived at school fifteen minutes early, parting ways in the mostly full parking lot because the students definitely didn’t need to see the way he liked to grope my ass when we kissed. Despite working together, I rarely saw Hyunjin throughout the day unless he made-up some excuse to come see me in the library. But this was a rare occurrence since Hyunjin, as a dance teacher, really had no valid reason to need library resources.

Speaking of which, the library, at my personal request, was the glorified version of an introvert’s paradise. It was always quiet, thanks to my meticulous monitoring, and was equipped with a small digital lab and self-named “relaxation room” where students (and staff) could enjoy a variety of stuffed couches and reclinable chairs to simply forget about the other horrors of high school. I was especially proud of the library’s progress, updating equipment and technology yearly due to my persistence in applying for a variety of government grants. Yes, I was satisfied with my status as the school’s “cool” librarian who enforced the strict library rules of conduct while also allowing a smidgen of favoritism when one of my students brought in a candy bar to eat during lunch.

Of course, such sanctity was frequently disrupted by my husband and his friends who demonstrated absolutely no regard for silence. Han Jisung was the worst of them all, waltzing into the library in stride to ask for whatever set of books he needed for his English classes. While I prepared the cart, he would talk relentlessly about everything from his ex-girlfriends to the much-dreaded topic of his endless stories about Hyunjin’s wilder days back in college. “I wish you could’ve been there, Y/N,” Jisung would snort. “Hyunjin took shots like they were water.”

“Yes, I know,” I would grumble while ordering him to leave the library before the remaining students were permanently traumatized.

And when Hyunjin would visit me, which seemed unnecessary considering he taught dance classes, he always made sure to completely take over my office, feet propped up on my desk while pouting at me to sit on his lap. Which was the opposite of professional considering the masses of students lingering around the bookshelves. But that never seemed to deter Hyunjin who always found a new and creative excuse to visit the library.

Like begging me to allow him to use my coffee machine.

“Y/N,” Hyunjin said, following me as I navigated the complicated filing system in the backroom. “I’m only asking because Jisung broke the one in the teacher’s lounge! And you know it might take weeks before they purchase a replacement.”

“Interesting,” I said, thumbing across the file tabs. “We have a coffee machine at home, don’t we, babe?”

Hyunjin was quiet for a moment. “But what if I need more coffee later on?”

“One cup should be enough,” I nodded. “Caffeine isn’t good for you.”

“It’s actually great for me,” Hyunjin said. “If I didn’t have coffee, then I would be completely shut down by lunchtime.”

“I seriously doubt that,” I objected with a laugh.

“Y/N,” Hyunjin tried again. “As your husband-”

“- is that supposed to convince me?”

Hyunjin frowned. “I’ll clean the dishes and do the laundry until the machine in the lounge is fixed.”

I perked up instantly. “Well, I suppose I can make an exception for you...”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, starting for the small kitchen connected to my office. “I should have unlimited access.”

“And I should treat all my coworkers the same.”

“I’m offended, Y/N, please don’t tell me you’re sleeping with the other teachers.”

I glared at him. “For your information, you’re the one who's always touting professionalism in the workplace.”

“But that was before I started to miss you during the day,” Hyunjin said, adjusting the settings on my coffee machine. “You have a safe haven in the library.”

“It gets the job done,” I said, joining him at the machine. “Did you know we had a new student at school?”

“Yang Jeongin?” he asked, pulling back his mug to take a sip. “He’s in my first-period dance class.”

“That’s him,” I nodded. “I noticed that always comes in here during lunch. Do you think he has any friends?”

“I don’t know,” Hyunjin mused. ��I don’t see him interacting with his classmates.”

I shivered because the topic at hand reminded me too strongly of my own experiences in high school. “I feel bad for him.”

“I’m sure he’s fine, babe,” Hyunjin reassured me. “If it makes you feel better, then I could talk to him tomorrow?”

“Would you do that for me?” I asked, holding on to his arm.

“Of course,” Hyunjin said. “Unlike you, I don’t ask for much when I’m doing something nice for my spouse.”

“Who else is going to keep you in check?” I asked him, pushing myself off from the counter.

Hyunjin gave my ass a polite swat on my way out the door. “Remember that we’re meeting Jisung and his new girlfriend for dinner.”

I groaned at the reminder. “Explain to me again, babe, why do we have to do that?”

“Because he’s my best friend,” Hyunjin said. “And he’s trying to make things less awkward.”

“Are we going to show up for all of his dates?” I asked. “To keep things less awkward?”

“You’re honestly just as dramatic as I am,” Hyunjin commented. “He’s only asking me for a small favor, and...” He leaned in to whisper in my ear. “If you’re a good girl, then I might reward you when we get home later.”

I swallowed hard. “It’s been a while since we’ve been out, hasn’t it?”

Hyunjin grinned at my willing compliance.

Han Jisung’s new girlfriend was...interesting, to say the least. She arrived with her arm tucked securely around Jisung’s while dressed in a bright pink mini-skirt and lime green crop-top that left very little to the imagination. The moment she walked into the restaurant, every pair of eyes watched as she shimmied through the tables, greeting Hyunjin and I like we had known each other since childhood. “You guys look great!” she exclaimed, leaning across the table to offer my cheek a polite tap. “Girl, you have to tell me who does your hair.”

“Oh...” I trailed off, glancing at Hyunjin anxiously because my husband had forgotten to mention that we were meeting an eccentric child. Because Jisung’s girlfriend didn’t look a day over the legal age.

“I’m Hailey,” she announced, smacking her gum obnoxiously.

Meanwhile, Jisung was smiling like an idiot. “I hope we’re not late.”

“Of course not,” Hyunjin said and I rolled my eyes since apparently being half an hour late for your reservation was perfectly acceptable.

“Holy shit, you look like a runway model!” Haily declared, pointing at Hyunjin with exaggerated motions. “Honey, you didn’t tell me that you were friends with someone this gorgeous.”

I frowned at the comment while Hyunjin just shifted uncomfortably next to me. “Thank you?”

“Jinnie’s always been a lady killer,” Jisung said, pulling out Hailey’s chair before taking the seat next to Hyunjin.

“But you’re all married now,” Hailey pouted as if she was actually disappointed with Hyunjin’s marital status despite the fact that she had come here with Jisung.

“2 years,” Hyunjin said with a dramatic flourish of his wrist. “Woohoo!”

“Y’all got kids and stuff right?” Hailey asked, ignoring the waiter who had arrived at our table, clearing his throat to get her attention. Thankfully, Jisung had enough sense to dismiss him with a request for two glasses of water.

“Not yet,” Hyunjin said, more attentive now that the topic had switched to a topic that he favored. “We’re planning on having two or three.”

I kept my mouth firmly shut because Hyujin was clearly living in an alternate universe. “That’s amazing,” Haily gushed, leaning into Jisung. “Did you hear that, Sungie? Isn’t that like the ultimate dream?”

“Is it?” Jisung questioned, offering Haily a gentle kiss. “Do you want kids someday?”

“A whole house full of them,” Hailey exclaimed and Hyunjin offered me a shit-eating grin like that somehow proved that I was in the wrong for denying him any children.

“We’re still talking about it,” I effectively inserted.

“Sungie tells me that you’re both teachers,” she continued, driving the conversation in an entirely new direction.

“I’m a librarian technician,” I said. “Hyunjin teaches dance.”

“Wow,” Hailey gushed. “That’s so cool, Hyunjin.”

I grimaced because apparently, Librarians weren’t as qualified to be considered cool. “I’m lucky that I have such willing students,” Hyunjin said, nodding appreciatively.

Sometimes, Hyunjin loved being the center of attention.

“I’m in like some sort of dance club at my university,” Hailey said and I nearly choked on my wine.

“You’re in college?” Hyunjin asked, flashing Jisung a reprimanding look that sent the younger into a rapid explanation.

“She’s a Senior,” Jisung said as if that made everything better. “You’re graduating soon, right babe?”

“Supposedly,” Hailey said, making a mess of the breadsticks in the center of the table. “I have to somehow pass this boring math lecture first.”

Hyunjin was not convinced and neither was I considering Jisung’s problematic history of dating younger girlfriends. “How long have you been with Jisung?”

“I don’t know,” Haily shrugged indifferently. “Maybe two weeks.”

“And are you staying on campus, Hailey?” I asked the young girl who nodded affirmatively.

“Jisung wants me to move in though,” Hailey said and that was the last straw for Hyunjin who abruptly stood from the table.

“Jisung,” my husband murmured quietly. “Let’s talk outside for a moment.”

Jisung bowed his head, cheeks flushed because he knew that Hyunjin was moments away from one of his famous lectures. “Okay.”

Hailey was silent until they were out of earshot. “That was weird, right?”

I feigned indifference, even as my mind thought up several creative ways to kick Jisung’s ass for trying things out with someone who was at least ten years younger than him. Which wouldn’t have been a problem if said significant other was employed at some kind of big business as opposed to the salon next to her university. But I didn’t want to let Hailey know that anything was amiss, so I reached across to grab her hand. “Everything’s fine.”

Internally, I was screaming at the top of my lungs.

I woke up to the feeling of Hyunjin’s hard erection pressing against my ass. “Babe,” I groaned, attempting to fend off the lingering effects of sleep.

Hyunjin grunted from behind me, drawing his hips in methodical circles. “What?”

“Your dick,” was all I could manage before yawning over my words.

“Fuck, I was having a good dream,” Hyunjin whined. “Remember that bathing suit you wore on our honeymoon?”

“The bikini?”

“Yeah, I still think about it a lot.”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re hard because of my bathing suit?”

“More precisely, you in the bathing suit.”

“Whatever,” I said, rubbing my face against my pillow. “The alarm hasn’t gone off yet.”

“That gives us time,” Hyunjin said suggestively, drawing a hand along the contour of my hip bone.

“To sleep.”

“No, Y/N,” Hyunjin countered, presence heavy as he drew himself up higher against the headboard. “You don’t even have to do anything.”

“Fine,” I muttered. “But don’t blame me if I fall asleep.”

“You know my dick’s better than that,” Hyunjin said, fussing over my panties as he pulled them down beneath the sheets. His fingers dug into my thigh, lifting my leg to a more comfortable position over his hip. I could feel his cock, thick and prodding, as he adjusted himself behind me.

“Are you ever gonna put it in?” I asked drowsily, wincing at the sudden penetration of his cock inside. “Shit, slow down you animal!”

“Sorry,” he murmured, slowing drawing out before pushing back in at a more acceptable pace.

“Slow is good,” I continued, adrenaline rushing through my sleep-deprived body, reacting to his advances with tentative thrusts back against him.

“It’s good, right?” Hyunjin asked with a touch of arrogance, reaching around me to play with my clit.

“It’s always good,” I said, deciding to satiate his ego for once, especially now that I was fully aroused, cognizant of the heavy drag of Hyunjin’s cock.

His vacant hand wandered up my shirt, teasing a nipple as he continued to punctuate each heavy drag of his cock with a low grunt of effort. “I feel like it’s been ages since we did this.”

“I guess you’re still horny from the ego boost Jisung’s girlfriend gave you last night.”

“What are you talking about?”

I imitated her voice. “Oh, Hyunjin, you must be in great shape from dancing all the time.”

“She’s right,” Hyunjin said, tightening his hold as he kicked his hips aggressively, slamming into me like he was trying to make a point. “Have you seen my thighs, babe?”

“I like to ride them.”

“Fuck,” Hyunjin cursed, pressing even more insistently at my clit while his cock continued to fill my core. “I feel like a teenager again.”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I don't think I can last much longer either,” I said, panting as Hyunjin started to increase the power of his thrusts, chasing his own orgasm while I focused on the way it felt to be stimulated by his skilled fingers and impressive girth.

“Can I cum inside?” he asked, voice desperate but I remembered that I forgot to take my birth control pill the other day.

“Outside,” I said, reaching back to push against his chest. “I’ll suck your dick.”

“Please,” Hyunjin agreed without hesitation, pulling out with a wince while I tried to steady my shaky legs, straddling his thigh while leaning down for his cock. Hyunjin curled his fingers through my hair, directing my head to the tip, allowing my tongue to get its first taste of his pre-cum.

I hollowed my cheeks, taking in as much of his cock as I could before I felt the tip barely touch the back of my throat. Still, it was enough to make me gag and I pulled back to avoid the risk of walking around school with a sore throat all day. I took the remainder of his cock into my hand, tightening my grip at the base which rewarded me with a loud moan from Hyunjin. Meanwhile, I had slowly started to rock myself back and forth on his thigh, aiming for my own release while trying to encourage Hyunjin to cum down my throat.

“Beautiful,” he said, eyes filled with tears and adoration as he watched me take in more of his cock, nose brushing against his skin.

It only took a few more moments for Hyunjin to finally cum, throwing back his head as his hips jolted against the bed. I swallowed him down with a grimace because I still hated the taste of cum no matter how many times I offered him a blowjob. Pulling off his spent cock, I focused on myself, reaching down to give my clit a few more well-placed strokes before I was following him into a hormone-induced coma.

I fell against his chest, allowing him to run his hand up and down my back. “Babe, you’re my hero.”

I snorted at his comment. “What time is it?”

“We still have five minutes.”

“Good,” I groaned. “I’ll need every second to recover.”

Hyunjin chuckled. “Want to take your mind off it?”

“Maybe,” I said, appreciating his warmth. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Jisung,” Hyunjin said. “I gave him a stern lecture last night.”

“You go, babe.”

“Seriously, I can’t believe he’s dating a college student.”

“The Han Jisung? Nothing he does surprises me.”

“He says he really likes this girl.”

“No offense,” I said. “But I hope that was to defend himself because the girl is a nightmare.”

“Might finally put Jisung in his place.”

“Nobody can do that,” I said, using my arms to leverage myself back into a sitting position. “How bad is my hair?”

“My fingers weren’t helpful.”

“A shower then,” I nodded, glancing back at the bathroom. “You wanna join?”

Hyunjin’s breath caught. “I think you’re spoiling me, babe.”

It had become a recurring pattern, watching Jeongin walk into the library during his scheduled lunch period. Every day, he sat down at one of the computers in the lab to play some kind of online game that I didn’t protest since he wasn’t disturbing the other students. Truthfully, I didn’t really care one way or another, but I was starting to feel like Jeongin was intentionally avoiding his classmates. I understood that it was probably hard to transfer schools, but to attend classes by yourself with no friends to support you?

I shuddered at the thought, making up my mind as I carefully approached him. “Jeongin,” I said, awkwardly leaning against the side of the computer desk. “That was the bell for lunch.”

The younger boy glanced up to me timidly. “Oh, well I thought it was okay for students to spend lunch in the library.”

“It is,” I acknowledged. “But I thought you might want to spend some time with your friends.”

Jeongin ducked his head down, cheeks blushing red. “Not really.”

“Okay,” I said, struggling to finish my thoughts before spotting Hyunjin walking into the library. “I’ll be right back,” I said before practically sprinting to meet Hyunjin in my office. “Come here,” I said, pulling him to the side. “We have a problem.”

“I know,” he said with tired eyes. “I have no coffee.”

“Hyunjin,” I chastised him quietly. “That new kid always spends his lunch period in the library. He says he’s not interested in hanging out with anyone.”

“Well, that’s his choice,” Hyunjin said. “Some kids are really shy.”

“I know,” I grumbled. “But you know I was the same way in high school and I regret it now, hiding in the library during lunch because I had nobody to sit with.”

“You were a nerd too,” Hyunjin giggled.

“Do you want to keep using the coffee machine?”

“Sorry, babe.”

“Anyway,” I continued. “I think we should help Jeongin make some new friends. What about group activities in your dance classes?”

“I guess,” Hyunjin relented. “But I don’t want to force him.”

“You assign the groups then,” I said. “And let me know how he reacts.”

“Well, just based on what I’ve seen so far, he definitely prefers to be alone.”

“Then we have to reach out to him,” I said, holding tight to Hyunjin’s arm. “Nobody should be alone all the time.”

“He may not like it if we try to force him into something.”

“Then we back off if he shows any signs of being uncomfortable,” I said, raising my hands in surrender. “A compromise.”

“If you really insist,” Hyunjin said, gliding past me for the coffee machine. “I’ll do my best, and I’ll let Chan and the others know.”

“Oh!” I gasped. “That’s a great idea! I can talk to the other teachers in the lounge!”

Hyunjin chuckled. “I thought you hated the teacher’s lounge?”

“Yeah? Well, I’m making an exception for the betterment of a student,” I proclaimed, waiting until Hyunjin finished refilling his coffee mug before ushering him out into the hallway. “Who’s usually in there?” I asked as we walked together.

“Jisung,” Hyunjin said. “Maybe Chan and Felix.”

“Chan and Jisung might be helpful,” I conceded. “What about Felix? Does Jeongin take art classes?”

“Babe, I don’t have his schedule memorized.”

“That’s first on the list,” I said with a nod.

We both paused outside the lounge as I attempted to listen in on the conversation progressing behind closed doors. “Who is that?”

Hyunjin chuckled, reaching past me for the door handle. He pushed it open wide, allowing us enough room to join the small group of teachers loitering between scheduled classes. “Y/N!” Jisung immediately greeted me, waltzing over to take my arm. “You never come in the lounge.”

“I’m making an exception,” I said, allowing Jisung to pull me to the table where Chan, Felix, and Changbin were all sitting together.

“You guys,” I said, sliding into an available seat. “What’s going on?”

Changbin eyed me suspiciously. “You never come here unless you want something.”

From behind my chair, Hyunjin snorted. “It’s one hell of a mission.”

“I knew it!” Felix declared, leaning back in his chair. “What sort of personal vendetta do you have now?”

“I’m offended,” I said, crossing my arms sternly over my chest. “Aren’t we all friends?”

“Of course we are, Y/N,” Chan said soothingly, ever the voice of reason.

“Exactly,” I agreed. “Which is why I need your help.”

Felix groaned, but I quickly jumped in to assure him. “It’s about that new kid, Yang Jeongin.”

“What about him?” Changbin grunted. “Other than the fact that he hates running exercises.”

“He’s taking gym?”

Changbin nodded, picking at the meager salad in front of him. “I don’t understand why.”

“Because it’s destiny,” I said, holding out my arms. “We’re meant to help guide him down the right path.”

“What path is that?” Changbin asked.

“The path of redemption,” I said, elbowing Hyunjin from behind when I heard him laughing. “He’s always in the library during free periods. I don’t think he’s adjusting to the school.”

“It happens with transfers,” Felix shrugged.

“But we can do something to help him,” I said. “Encourage him to make new friends and meet new classmates.”

“You want us to help with your ‘No Child Left’ behind agenda?” Changbin asked.

“I want you to help me lift a student’s self-confidence,” I said. “Jeongin is a sweet kid. He just needs a good push in the right direction.”

“Basically,” Hyunjin interrupted, leaning over me. “Y/N had no friends in high school and she wishes that there was a kind, sweet librarian with a great ass to help guide her way.”

“Don’t bring my ass into this,” I said, ducking away from his hold. “So what do you guys think?”

Felix sipped at his tea. “He’s not in any of my classes, but I guess it’s worth a shot.”

“Why not?” Jisung suddenly commented. “I think it’s a good idea.”

“You’re just trying to make up for last night’s dinner disaster,” I said, “but I’m willing to let you this time.”

Jisung let out a whoop while Changbin and Chan considered my words. “It’s fine with me,” Chan said. “Changbin?”

“Alright,” Changbin relented. “But this is your fault if the kid turns against us.”

“Trust me, nothing bad is gonna happen.”

A few days later, I received an urgent notice from the nurse’s office which was surprising considering the fact that I was usually stuck in the library all day. I sighed over my ever-growing stack of paperwork, gathering my cell phone before leaving the sanctity of my quiet office. There was an order form calling my name that I had been neglecting for several weeks now, but I figured that the unexpected notice could prove to be a legitimate distraction. After all, I was quite curious concerning why I was suddenly needed away from the library.

I paused outside the door to the nurse’s office, trying to listen to the sounds of conversation. Faint voices filtered through the barrier, including one that sounded awfully familiar. I held my breath as I walked inside, discovering my husband lying on top of the examination table. Hyunjin winced as the school nurse wrapped an ice pack around his ankle. “Fuck it hurts.”

“Hyunjin,” I said his name and my husband turned around to face me with a start. “What happened?”

“Y/N,” Hyunjin cried while reaching out for me. “Why did you take so long?”

“Really?” I immediately questioned him. “Babe, you’re the one with a bandage on your foot.”

“Well, yeah,” he said. “I twisted my ankle.”

I closed my eyes before releasing a sigh. “How did this happen?”

“Student-teacher race,” Hyunjin replied as if that possibly provided enough context for me to understand.

“A race?”

“Changbin thought it might be fun if the students competed against the teachers,” Hyunjin explained. “Like a reward.”

“You’re rewarding the students by putting your life in danger?”

“My life was never in danger, Y/N,” Hyunjin said with a sigh.

“Then why are you hurt?” I asked him, reaching over to land a scolding hit to his arm.

“Hey!” Hyunjin complained, holding his bicep now despite the ice packet still resting over his ankle.

“You idiot,” I groaned. “You aren’t 16 anymore. Why are you trying to outrace a bunch of student-athletes anyway?”

“Maybe I did it for you,” Hyunjin announced dramatically, falling rather ungracefully against the table.

“Why is participating in a race so important to me?”

“You said you wanted to get closer to that Jeongin kid,” Hyunjin explained. “He asked me to run with them.”

“Jeongin did?” I asked, suddenly unable to stop myself from laughing, practically slumping over Hyunjin’s lap.

“What’s so funny?”

“I may have told him a funny story about his dance instructor from your college days.”

Hyunjin gasped. “You didn’t!”

I shrugged. “I was trying to make him feel better.”

“By outing my humiliating secrets?”

“It was a worthy sacrifice, babe,” I said with a grin. “Just be glad I wasn’t there to watch it happen.”

“You’re always so supportive,” Hyunjin said, faintly protesting when I leaned down to offer him a gentle kiss. “Is this an apology?”

“I’m really proud of you, Hyunjin,” I said, reaching down to adjust the pillow propping his ankle.

“Whatever,” Hyunjin grumbled. “The kid was important to you.”

“But you didn’t have to go that far,” I said, gliding my fingers through his hair because I knew he loved the action.

“Maybe you can blow me later and all will be forgiven.”

“Done.”

The following week, I spotted Jeongin walking through the library on his way to class. He paused at one of the bookshelves, fingers skimming the faded spines. “Hey!” I said, catching his attention. “You weren’t in the library yesterday.”

“I know,” he said with a wide smile. “I was eating with some friends.”

My heart warmed at his words. “Really?”

“Yeah,” he said, eyes trained downward. “They seem pretty cool.”

“Jeongin,” I cooed because it was impossible to resist his adorable smile. “I’m really glad to hear that.”

“I know you had something to do with it,” the younger boy said and my smile instantly disappeared. “But it’s okay, I’m really glad you decided to help me.”

“Jeongin..” I started but broke off when I took a moment to study the crooked aspect to his knowing grin.

The doors to the library interrupted the brief silence that had descended between us, and Chan walked in with his eyes scanning over a folder that he held between his hands. “Ah! I’m interrupting something,” he said, looking back and forth between me and Jeongin.

“Oh, I was on my way out,” Jeongin said, bowing respectfully to Chan as he passed him.

Chan watched him go before looking to me for answers. “Is everything okay?”

“Of course,” I said, quickly switching the subject. “Did you need something?”

“Just a class copy of these books,” Chan said, holding up his folder. “Do you think you can help me bring them back to my classroom?”

“Why not?” I shrugged, taking the folder from Chan. “I have some free time before I have to file a few things.”

I guided Chan around the library to collect the books on his list, casually talking with him about one of the new teachers in the Science department. “Minho?” I said, vacantly scanning the barcodes of a display with textbooks.

“Yeah, he’s starting next week,” Chan said, grunting as he adjusted his hold on the giant stack of books collecting in his arms.

“Should be interesting,” I said, adding one last textbook to the pile in Chan’s arms. “Is this everything?”

“I hope so,” Chan grumbled. “Do you need my teacher ID?”

“I’ll scan it later,” I said, watching him struggle. “Let’s go before these end up on the floor.”

Chan let out a grateful sigh, and I maintained a careful distance at his side to ensure that my precious books wouldn’t suddenly drop from his hold. Thankfully, Chan seemed to have everything under control, like he was prone to do in most aspects of his life for which I was grateful. “Jeongin’s doing much better,” Chan remarked to me in passing as we walked together to his classroom.

“Yeah, he really seems to be opening up, especially after Hyunjin’s stunt in the gym.”

Chan snorted at the reminder. “I wish you could have been there, Y/N. But, if you’re curious, Changbin has the whole incident on video.”

“I’d love to see that...” I trailed off, spotting Hyunjin approaching on his new crutches.

“You know, I could hear you all the way over here!”

“Hyunjin,” I said, meeting him halfway so that he wouldn’t need to walk as far. “I was planning to come by and see you.”

“My arms hurt constantly,” Hyunjin said, adjusting his stance. “Honestly, I don’t even think these things are necessary.”

“Doctor’s orders,” I said swiftly, directing a quick goodbye to Chan before I was redirecting Hyunjin back to his classroom. “And don’t even try to demonstrate any crazy dance choreographies for these kids.”

“How else are they gonna learn?” Hyunjin demanded, even as he leaned more of his weight against my side for additional support.

Later that night, after a rather long day of ensuring that Hyunjin didn’t try to do anything too outrageous, the two of us finally returned home. I was rather proud of myself since Hyunjin was still in one piece. I half-expected to receive another call from the nurse’s office because my husband decided he needed to show off his moonwalk to impress his students.

In any case, what Hyunjin didn’t know was that I had started thinking a lot about the future, especially after everything that he did to help Jeongin. Suddenly, the idea of having kids was a lot less unappealing. This is why I immediately started for the bathroom, a new purpose driving my steps, while Hyunjin carefully made his way across the living room.

I opened the medicine cabinet to retrieve a familiar box, returning to our shared bedroom to find Hyunjin laying in bed, phone in hand as his eyelids fought to stay open. Gingerly, I handed him my current prescription of birth control, watching as he struggled to focus. “What’s this?”

“Surprise!”

“Isn’t there an easier way to tell me that you’re running low?”

I rolled my eyes at his question. “That’s not what I meant.”

Hyunin frowned, taking the box from me. “It’s almost 9:00, Y/N.”

“You’re really bad at subliminal messages,” I said, kneeling down on the bed. “I’m giving the rest of the prescription to you because I’m not taking it anymore.”

Hyunjin’s eyes slowly widened as he processed my words. “But that means...

“I don’t mind the idea of kids anymore,” I said. “Especially if they turn out like Jeongin.”

“Y/N,” Hyunjin grinned, wordlessly tackling me against the bed. “Are you sure you’re ready?”

“I am,” I informed him, tracing my fingers across his pretty lips. “I want to have kids with you. Preferably a boy, so we should start eating a ton of potassium.”

“What?”

“To increase our chances, Hyunjin,” I said. “There’s science behind the kind of diet you eat.”

“You’re trying to tell me that if I eat more potassium, then we’ll have a boy?”

“Well, it helps our chances.”

Hyunjin still appeared doubtful, but his eyes were warm. “Whatever you want.”

“That’s right,” I agreed brightly, wrapping my arms around his neck to draw him in closer.

“Y/N, I love you,” Hyunjin said, leaning down for a sweet kiss. “You know how much this means to me.”

“I know,” I agreed, snuggling up against his chest. “For the record, I love you more.”

“Should we put that to the test?”

I closed my eyes as I resisted a smile. “Goodnight, Hyunjin.”

#stray kids #stray kids fanfic #stay kids smut #hwang hyunjin #hyunjin fanfic #hyunjin smut

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calliecat93 · 4 years

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Callie’s Disney Princess Retrospective: Cinderella

(Snow White Review)

The year was 1950, 13 years after Snow White’s release. Despite that film’s mass success, Walt Disney’s next feature films during the 1940’s such as Pinocchio, Fantasia, and Bambi would all bomb. His only true success at the time was Dumbo, and that film was dampened by a mass strike during production that saw many animators walk out. It didn’t get any better when America entered World War II and the military took over many different animation studios, including Disney. They not only had to produce propaganda shorts but due to the limited funds, they were forced to rely on Package Films and live-action to survive. As the 1950s began to dawn, it was clear to Walt that if he wanted to stay in business, he needed another hit. But not just any hit, he needed the same kind of success that Snow White brought him. But what film could give him that success?

For that, he returned to fairy tales, and he found one. A story that he could relate to as a Missouri-born boy who began with nothing. A tale that could appeal to just about anyone. A true rags to riches story of one down-on-her-luck girl having all of her dreams come true. That film would be Walt Disney’s twelfth animated feature, his second fairy tale-based film, and of course the creation of the second Disney Princess who quickly became one of the most famous. Thus, let us discuss the 1950 film, Cinderella.

Overview

Since a young child, Cinderella has been in servitude by her cruel stepmother Lady Tremaine. She is regularly mistreated and worked to the bone by both Tremaine and her nasty stepsisters Drizella and Anastasia. Despite this, Cinderella keeps a cheerful and hopeful demeanor, caring for her mouse friends and hoping that someday the dream that she has wished for will come true. A day that seems to have arrived when the family gets an invitation to a ball held to find a suitor for The Prince. With all eligible maidens asked to attend, Cinderella believes that her chance has arrived, but Lady Tremaine has other plans.

Just as it looks like all of her hopes have been shattered, Cinderella’s kindness and hard-work are rewarded by her Fairy Godmother giving her what she needs to attend the ball. She has a lovely time but is forced to flee at midnight with only a lone glass slipper to remind her of that night. But the ended up charming the Prince and left the other slipper behind, so now the girl who fits the slipper will be made the prince’s bride. Once more, Tremaine tries to prevent Cinderella from succeeding. But with the help of her animal friends and her own hope, Cinderella’s dreams will at long last come true.

Review

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As a little girl, there were many films that I would watch over and over again, such as The Aristocats or The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh. But I think that Cinderella was the one that I would play back the most. I remember every single part of this movie. The music, the story, the characters, just everything. And even after all of these years, my feelings and love for the film haven’t changed. If anything, it’s only grown. I still remember when my family went to Walt Disney World, and aside from Mickey Mouse the only thing that I cared about was meeting Cinderella. I did so on the last day in the Magic Kingdom, and she was so kind and beautiful and was everything I ever dreamed of. It is a moment that I will never forget.

Looking at the film itself, it’s clear that it took a lot from Snow White. A fairy tale-inspired movie, a heroine in servitude who charms all around her, an evil stepmother, a handsome prince, animal companions, you name it. I don’t think that it was accidental either. As I said, Walt /needed/ another Snow White success story. He needed to replicate what made that film work and make it better. Which he did. While the two films are similar, it’s arguable that Cinderella improved on many of those elements. While we only really get told that Snow was a servant and only see it briefly at the start, we see Cinderella’s suffering throughout the film. While Snow could look a little off due to the animators still getting used to animating realistic humans, Cinderella looks realistic, moves more fluidly, and fits the style of the film much better. While The Queen never interacted with Snow until the end and therefore never see how she treats her, we see Lady Tremaine’s cruelty towards her stepdaughter in full force and it’s equally as chilling. It truly feels like Walt looked over Snow White, saw what could be improved on, and did so with Cinderella. It really shows how far the company had come since 1937.

But Walt wasn’t the only important person on the film. In fact, he was less involved than he was with Snow White since he was focusing more on live-action and developing Disneyland. This was the film that established Disney’s most talented and loyal animators, his Nine Old Men. These men not only worked on the first five features and the Package Films, but they would go on to work on every film up to The Fox and the Hound and some even went into Imagineering. These would be the men who not only pulled the company back onto its feet after WW2, but they would teach future Disney animators/directors such as Glen Keane, Jon Musker, Rob Clements, Andreas Deja, Brad Bird, and so many others who would continue their legacy. Cinderella herself was done primarily by Marc Davis, Eric Larson, and Les Clark.

Like Snow White, the story is pretty straight-forward. It seems to be based mainly on the version written by Charles Perrault and some of the Grimm Brothers version. It does some expansion, like showing what Cindy’s daily life is like. Having her dress get ripped apart, her getting locked up, and of course, giving an expanded role to the mice. Otherwise though like with Snow White, it’s one of the more faithful adaptations minus a few things. For example, if we go off the Grimm version, the stepsisters don’t mutilate themselves to fit into the slipper… and I don’t have an issue with that either. It can feel a little dragged out, like IDK how necessary the King and Grand Duke scenes were aside from establishing certain things like the ball and the slipper search, but it’s nothing that brings anything to a halt.

The animation is gorgeous. The Nine Old Men weren’t chosen out of random, after all. This film really shows off their talents. Characters like Jaq and Gus, Lucifer, and the Stepsisters are very lively and entertaining to watch. Ward Kimball, who was the main animator for Lucifer the Cat, used his own cat as a reference after Walt pointed it out to him, and you can tell that he was having fun with it. The more realistic characters like Cinderella and Lady Tremaine look and move very well despite the challenge the animators had keeping that realism up. I’d say that their work paid off though. Lady Tremaine especially has some of the most chilling, frightening expressions of any Disney Villain. Frank Thomas did a masterful job making her cold demeanor reach through the screen and to the audience. The art itself looks beautiful and we can thank artist Mary Blair for it as she did the concept art for the film. The use of colors and shadows were done very well. It’s just the right amount of brightness when necessary, and the right amount of darkness when necessary. It hits the mark perfectly.

Then there’s the sound and the music. On the latest rewatch, I noticed how they use music for characters a lot. Take the sequence where Jaq has to distract Lucifer in the first act for example. When he’s crawling across the wall, getting ready to get at Lucifer and kick him into his own milk bowl. They use strings for his movements as well as for strings, like the other mice shutting up Gus when he laughs. It’s nothing new for Disney, after all, it was doing this in Steamboat Willie that launched the company into fame. But it always adds so much even if you don’t realize it. The score uses a lot of strings and horns, knowing when to sound triumphant and when to be subdued. It’s a very good score.

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Cinderella’s soundtrack was the first to be done by the newly established Walt Disney Records, allowing the company to gain profit for their own music. The vocal tracks have two classics worth mentioning. The first is Bippidi-Boppidi-Boo, the Fairy Godmother’s song. It’s a super fun, whimsical song and even though I still struggle to get the words right, it really fits the Fairy Godmother’s nature and is just so darn catchy! The other is of course the theme of the film, Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes. There are several variations of the song throughout the film, but of course, the first time done by Ilene Woods (I’ll talk about her more when I do Cinderella’s character in-depth) is the one we remember most. It’s beautiful, hopeful, and was one of my favorite songs as a little kid. I used to annoy people with how much I would try to sing it, haha. It really tries to convince you that your dreams CAN come true, and by golly did I believe it when I was a kid… and deep down I still do, I supposed. Point is, it’s a lovely song~

What about the characters though? Well, let us have a looksie.

As with Snow White, there are many animals, though this time it’s mainly mice and birds. The mice are the main ones, as well as the only ones who can talk. There are other animals like the birds, a horse, and of course Bruno the Dog. But the main animals to discuss are Lucifer the Cat and the du of Jaq and Gus. Lucifer is a cat, so as expected he chases the mice. But it’s clearly not just due to instinct. It’s shown throughout the movie that he seems to take sadistic glee in chasing after them, especially Gus which is especially clear in the final act. But he also enjoys tormenting Cinderella, such as messing up the floor when she’s wiping it down during the Sweet Nightingale sequence and trapping Gus with the key in part to keep her locked up. He also enjoyed getting Bruno into trouble at the start of the film, which ends up being his downfall at the end. He seems genuinely cruel which...I mean with a name like Lucifer, is it a surprise that he’s a little devil? He has some great expressions thanks to Ward Kimball and was a fun challenge for our favorite mice.

Speaking of, Jaq and Gus serve as comedic relief and the unofficial heroes of the film when you really think about it. They drive many of the events forward such as making Cinderella’s dress and retrieving the key from Lady Tremaine. Jaq is the unofficial leader of the mice and the most talkative by far. He’s charismatic and crafty, usually unafraid (for the most part) of going up against Lucifer or from helping Cinderella whom he cares greatly for. We don’t know how long he’s known Cinderella, but he’s the one who assures Gus that she’s a nice person. Gus the newbie of the mice and a little dim-witted, but well-meaning. Due to being new, he ends up getting into several incidents like nearly being caught by Lucifer several times. Jaq and Gus make a fun duo and I always enjoyed seeing what the two would get themselves into. Also for added fun, both mice were voiced by Jimmy MacDonald (nowadays they’re played by Rob Paulsen and Corey Burton respectively). Jimmy was not only the main sound effects man for the studio but at the time he was also the voice of Mickey Mouse himself. Guess he’s a natural fit for mice, huh?

Next, we’ll go to the royals. Sadly, like with Snow White, the prince is more or less a plot device. I guess they were still having a tough time with realistic male characters. He’s a handsome young man, but sadly that’s all there really is. He doesn’t even get a name, being dubbed as Prince Charming in most material and IDK if that’s really official. They DID plan on giving the Prince more of a role, such a planned sequence with him hunting a deer but it turned out it was play hunting, but this never happened. He doesn’t even go looking for his mystery girl in the end, the Grand Duke does which is pretty disappointing. It’s a shame too since going off the King’s dialogue about how he’s been evading mariage he could have been like the male version of Jasmine. A royal who’s being pushed to get married, even though he wants to find true love on his own time and just have some freedom. They did do a bit more with him in Cinderella III: A Twist in Time. They also did more with him in the live-action remake, expanding his and Cinderella’s relationship and giving him an actual name (Kit). But we’re focusing on the original, and it’s sad that he didn’t get more to him.

The King and Grand Duke are also comedic relief and overall pretty good ones. The King is loud, blusterous, and quick to anger. He’s not a bad man, after all the only reason he wants his son to get hitched is because he feels lonely and wants grandchildren. It’s kind of cute when you think about it, even if unfair to his own son. He can be very friendly, but as I said quickly to anger. After all, when the mystery girl got away, he outright attempted to /behead/ the Grand Duke until he told him about the slipper. In comparison, the Grand Duke is more timid, but quite sarcastic as well. Very much the straight man to the King’s blusterous personality. While very much afraid of the king (though not unwilling to backtalk him), up against anyone else he takes no crap from anyone. Just watch him as he tries to endure the Tremaines, it’s amazing how absolutely done he is with all of them, and he wins points for shutting up Lady Tremaine when Cinderella makes her way downstairs. A good man!

The Fairy Godmother is only in the film briefly, but she leaves a major impact. She is the first decent person to Cinderella in a long, /long/ time. She is very grandmotherly in her design, voice, and demeanor. She’s a little forgetful and scatterbrained, as she forgot where her wand was and it takes a good while for her to notice Cindy’s torn up dress. But she is a kindly old woman who was summoned by the hope remaining in Cinderella’s heart. She came at the girl’s darkest hour and gave her the one night that she had always dreamed of. She is voiced by Verna Felton, who was a pretty regular VA for Disney at the time. Though she often did much harsher characters such as The Matriarch in Dumbo and the Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland. But she perfectly portrays the Godmother’s kindly grandmother persona. Her modern VA was Disney Legend Russi Taylor, who also took over Drizella, who sadly passed away last year. It is unknown who will do the Godmother in the future, but I have no doubt that she will emerge again one day

We now come to the Tremaines. First, the daughters. Drizella and Anastasia are ugly, loud, snooty, and mean to both Cinderella and each other. They argue frequently, outright hitting each other during their… ugh… we’ll call it a music lesson. They’re spoiled in the worst way, never being happy with what they have yet get angry if Cinderella dares wear the things that they outright discarded as trash. It’s clear that their mother raised them to be as horrid as her, though they’re nowhere near as calculating. She pretty much raised them to be her attack dogs against Cinderella as well as to use them to marry off and move up in the world. Their obnoxiousness is their only real character trait, though their character animation via Ollie Johnston is quite fun to watch. Anastasia would gain more depth in the two direct-to-video sequels at the very least, more or less also getting a redemption arc. She was also voiced previously by Lucille Bliss, who played the teacher in Invader Zim, and is now voiced by the legendary Tress Macneille.

Then there is Lady Tremaine. Ho boy, Lady Tremaine. If I had the time, I could do an entire essay on this woman alone. She is one of the most chilling, yet memorable Disney Villains despite being nothing but an old woman. Why? First, her voice. In the film, she is voiced by Eleanor Audley, which remember that name cause it’s gonna come back later in this series. She is able to keep the perfect balance of calm and methodical, yet sharp when necessary. Perfectly in control. Actually, that’s a great way to describe Lady Tremaine, in control. She knows what she wants and is willing to go to any length to get it. She carries herself with confidence and regality, very rarely losing her cool. She’s calculative and methodical and you never quite know what she’s going to do until she does it. But most of all, she is cruel and petty, especially towards Cinderella.

Unlike her obnoxious daughters, Tremaine’s abuse towards Cinderella is calm and subdued, preferring to use emotional abuse and manipulation. She has brow-beaten the poor girl so bad that she becomes obedient as soon as the old woman speaks up. Tremaine is jealous of Cinderella’s beauty and therefore tries to make the girl’s life as difficult as possible. She enjoys mistreating and controlling Cinderella, wearing a cold smirk any time that she ramps up the cruelty. Probably her cruelest act in the film is manipulating her own daughters into ripping Cinderella’s dress right off of her after she managed to get it on for the ball. Despite having agreed to let Cindy go to the ball if she got her work done, she ruined her chances anyway just because she could. She’s not only horrible to her stepdaughter but even to her own daughters with how they ultimately turned out and clearly only interested in marrying them off

What makes Tremaine scary though is because… well, compare her to The Queen/Hag and later villainess Maleficent. In the real world, you’re not likely to encounter an evil queen who uses witchcraft and turn herself into an old hag just to poison you. In the real world, you’re unlikely to encounter an evil fairy witch who can curse you to die and transform into a ferocious dragon. But running into a cruel, petty old woman who will abuse you due to jealousy and for her own enjoyment? Oh yes, that can and does happen. Lady Tremaine is real. She is a perfect depiction of an abusive stepparent. Plus as I said before, Frank Thomas did an excellent job depicting her expressions as utterly chilling. I was afraid of her as a child, and I still am now. Even at the end after her daughters failed to get on the slipper, she breaks it just to keep Cinderella from achieving a life of happiness out of pure spite. On the upside, seeing her plans all fall apart and especially her face when Cinderella reveals the other slipper is deliciously satisfying. One of the greatest all-time Disney moments.

Well, that was a lot more than I thought. But with all of that out of the way, there’s only one more character to discuss. Strap yourself in folks, because I have been waiting /years/ for this.

Cinderella Analysis

As I said above, Cinderella was one of my favorite princesses as a child. She was beautiful, had an amazing singing voice, was kind, and I wanted to have my dreams come true just as she did. She is one of the most famous Disney characters by far. I remember her pretty much being the face of the Disney Princess line when I was a kid. Nowadays I’d argue that Rapunzel is more of the face (or if we wanna count Frozen, Elsa is) but that doesn’t mean that Cindy has faded out of the public eye. After all, it is her castle that stands as the main landmark at Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom. That alone will ensure that she never fades out of popular consciousness.

In return, however, Cinderella is probably the most criticized princess of the Classic Three. It’s mostly for the same reasons as those two. She was a damsel-in-distress. She was domestic and passive. She got together with a man at first sight. She needed others to save her. It’s all the same thing you hear about pre-The Little Mermaid, but since Cinderella is probably the most well-known, she’s the one who gets it levied against her the most. As I said in Snow White, there is some truth about this portrayal furthering the depiction of women as domestic/passive in film. But it truly baffles me as to why Cinderella is the one who gets this criticism the most. It really, really baffles me. I can somewhat get it with Snow White and I can get it with Aurora, but Cinderella? Ugh… no. Just… no.

First of all, let’s get this part out of the way. Cinderella is an abuse victim. I think that Cinderella is meant to be about 19 years old in the film. While we don’t know how old she was exactly when her father died, we see in the opening narration that she was still a child. A child. Let’s say that she was around nine years old. That would mean that she has been under Lady Tremaine’s thumb for ten years. A full decade. If you are under abuse for that long at any age, but especially ever since a child, then that is going to affect you. So Cinderella being passive? Yeah, that’s likely in part because of the abuse that she went through. She was conditioned to not fight back, or if she did she would pay the consequences. As great as imagining standing up and fighting against your abuser is, it is unfortunately very rarely that simple especially when you are under years of psychological conditioning like Cinderella was.

But it is also unfair to say that Cinderella is blindly obedient and broken either. She isn’t. Cinderella is introduced as kind, cheerful, and playful when she teases her bird friends and gets ready for the day. Cinderella is a kind young woman, facing every day with a smile despite her treatment. The girl lives in an attic, yet she happily sings as she gets her day started. Cinderella’s defining trait is that she is a dreamer. As she herself says in the opening, her dreams are something that no one can control. Not her step-family. Not the clock telling her that it’s time to get on with a new day. In her dreams, she is able to do whatever she wants. It is her escape. The one thing that gets her through the day, hoping that one day the dreams that she wishes in her heart will come true.

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This is what fuels Cinderella ahead. It is what allows her to remain kind. It is what allows her to be sympathetic to others. What shows this most is her treatment of the mice. She treats them as her friends, making them clothing, feeds them, and frees them from traps. This is important for what happens later, but we’ll get to that later. She is also kind to the other animals, such as the horse and to her dog Bruno. In fact, it’s pretty interesting when she scolds Bruno for wanting to chase Lucifer. She tells him that it’s bad, how he’ll lose his warm bed, and quote “you know the orders”. She expects Bruno to obey the same way that she must obey. Doing so otherwise will mean consequences such as losing one’s own bed. The only animal that Cinderella doesn’t get along with is Lucifer, who is also the only character she is willing to speak against. At one point she was even willing to smack him with her broom when he ruined the floor she just finished scrubbing. It makes sense since Lucifer not only goes out of his way to make things more difficult for her, but he can’t order her around or really do anything to her as Lady Tremaine can. So in a way, it’s one thing that she has some power over.

Still, the first act shows what Cinderella’s life is like. It doesn’t seem too bad at first glance. She seems happy and treats her morning more like an annoyance than anything. But once we meet the Tremaines, it becomes clear just how bad it is. Anastasia immediately accuses Cindy of planting a mouse under her cup on purpose and Cinderella gets no chance to defend herself, though she is able to make Lucifer free Gus. She’s then summoned into Lady Tremaine’s room, clearly uneasy. Whenever she tries to explain herself, Lady Tremaine snaps back at her, making her go silent. There is no arguing. Lady Tremaine likely knows that Cinderella did nothing wrong, but doesn’t care. Whatever makes the girl miserable works for her and gives her an excuse to pile on that misery. Thus she piles on the workload, even making Cinderella do things that she already did once over again. Cinderella is unable to do anything but listen to the commands.

Everything changes, however, when the invitation to the ball arrives. Now we go back to one of the criticisms against Cinderella. Many accuse her of only going to the ball to meet the prince and get married. Now I will go more into this later, but there’s a reason why I am bringing it up now. Cinderella never at any point time from this point until the search for the mystery girl starts, even so much as mentions the prince. The ones who want to go to get married are the Tremaines. The whole reason that they go is because of the royal command for every eligible maiden to attend. Lady Tremaine wants to marry off her daughters. The sisters obviously want to get hitched to a good-looking man of power like the prince. Cinderella though? She just wants to go to a fancy ball because she can. By royal command every maiden is to attend no matter their status, so a lowly servant girl like herself is allowed. She even points this out to her step-family in one of the few cases she does stand up to them. Not by getting angry or defensive, she just outright points out the fine print. But no, nothing about getting with a guy ever comes up until much, much later.

Lady Tremaine agrees that Cinderella can go if gets her work done and finds a dress. But she uses the first part of that deal to bombard Cinderella with orders to make her unable to accomplish the second half. Cinderella has the dress picked, one of her mother’s, but she has no time to mend it up. As Jaq points out to the other mice, the Tremaines are going to make her do everything to make her unable to get her dress. But this is where Cinderella’s previous kindness kicks in. It’s clear that the mice really care for her because of how she cares for them. As such, they decide to fix up the dress for her. Jaq and Gus outright risk their lives against Lucifer to get some discarded trimmings.

Sure Cindy ultimately didn’t mend the dress herself, but it shows how her kindness came back to reward her. Just look at how downcast she is when the carriage arrives. She realized far too late that her step-family was never going to give her the chance to go to the ball. She is saddened as she returns to her attic-dwelling, looking out at the castle from the window and trying to convince herself that the ball would have been boring anyway. It fails. She is standing in darkness until the room lights up via candlelight and the mice reveal the mended dress to her. You can just hear the glee and gratitude in her voice as she swings around the dress and is at a loss of words before thanking her friends. Her kindness was rewarded… but sadly, not for long.

We now come to what is by far the darkest scene in the movie. Cinderella comes down to the door, shocking her stepfamily that she actually got a dress. At first, Cinderella is elated that she can actually go… until Lady Tremaine begins to approach. The old woman doesn’t seem to be doing anything wrong, agreeing that Cindy kept her end of the deal and even compliments the dress. But then she points out the beads to Drizella, who previously discarded them. It provokes her and Anastasia into a bitter, angry frenzy. They outright rip the dress apart while Cinderella is still in it. It is disturbing, Cinderella unable to do anything as her dreams are literally ripped away from her bit by bit. By the end, Tremaine calmly calls her daughters away and bids Cinderella a good night, leaving the girl standing in a pile of rags.

This is the final straw for Cinderella. She runs out to the back garden and breaks down. After trying so hard for so long to keep her hopes up, she can’t. All that she wanted was to go to the ball. Not to get married, just to have one night where she could have a good time. That was it. But her stepfamily just couldn’t allow for even that and tore it all away from her. Can you blame her for crying after all that? After dealing with that kind of treatment since she was a little girl? I can’t blame her. Her friends can only watch in sympathy and sadness as she says that there’s no use in dreaming and that she can’t dream anymore. She has hit her breaking point, a far cry from the hopeful young dreamer she was at the start of the film.

But not all is lost. In her despair, Cinderella’s Fairy Godmother is summoned. So a big question I’ve seen some ask is how the Fairy Godmother was summoned to begin with? Well, it’s as she herself said, she couldn’t be there if Cinderella didn’t have hope in her heart still. She is essentially a manifestation of Cinderella’s hopes and dreams. If I had to guess with Cinderella reaching her breaking point and ready to give in to despair, the Fairy Godmother manifested because she now truly needed help. It was to restore her hopes and allow her to get to the ball after the chance was so cruelly ripped away from her. I know what some are going to say, once again Cinderella got something handed to her. But this is a case where Cinderella herself more or less summoned the one who would help her. Her kindness caused the mice to help her, now her hope summoned up her Fairy Godmother to help her. It’s not happening just because.

So The Fairy Godmother creates her carriage, makes her new dress, and gives her the glass slippers. But like all dreams, this can’t last forever. She has until midnight, after which the spell will be broken. Which is perfectly fine with Cinderella, she’s just grateful for what her Fairy Godmother has done for her. Seeing her smiling and hopeful again after the previous moment and her just receiving some motherly kindness from someone is just really nice to see. Thus, she is whisked away to the ball, and almost as quickly as she arrives, she catches the eye of The Prince himself. While Drizella and Anastasia are trying to get him to look at them, funny enough.

So let’s get back to the ‘Cindy only wanted a man!’ critique. As I already said, she never mentions a man until near the end. But here at the ball, it’s not even her who goes to The Prince. Heck later when midnight hits, it’s pretty clear that she didn’t even know that the guy she was dancing with was The Prince. No, it is Prince Charming who approaches her. We outright see him look up, notice her as she enters, and is stricken by her beauty. It is him who walks to her and presents himself to her, a major contrast to how all the other girls were going up to him with him clearly bored. So no, Cinderella never wanted to get a man. It all happened purely by chance, and again she didn’t even realize that he was The Prince until after the ball was long over.

Cinderella dances with the prince throughout the night, getting so caught up that she loses track of time until the clock goes off. Once again, the clock is telling her that it’s time to wake up from her dream. She flees, but loses one of her slippers along the way. Midway on the road home, the spell is broken and she is once more in her torn-up dress. She apologizes to her animal friends for losing track of time, but happily recalls the night. But the mice then point something out to her: her glass slipper is still on her foot. Now… why is that? Well what summoned the Fairy Godmother to begin with? Hope. It is my opinion that this is why the slippers didn’t disappear as well. Cindy’s hope kept them manifested, to the point that I don’t believe that her losing one happened by chance. It is the key to her having a chance at a better life. It slippped off her foot due to that, and the other one remained for the same reason. Cindy seems to think it’s the Fary Godmother’s doing as she thanks her, but the truth is it is herself who caused both of those.

Thus, we come to the next day. The Grand Duke is looking for the mystery girl, and Tremaine is ready to leap at the chance. At first, Cinderella is pretty much ready to resume her regular life now that she’s gotten the one night that she had wanted. But as Tremaine explains the new development to her daughters, Cinderella hears it. This is when she realizes that it was The Prince that she was dancing with. That it was her slipper that was found, which means that she’s the mystery girl. Which means that she’s the one who can fit it and thus she will become The Prince's bride. This is the point that she wanted to get married to a man. In the final fifteen or so minutes. But look as to why she wants to. This will absolutely ensure that she is able to have a better life than she has now, so can we blame her for being happy?

Cinderella is so elated that she outright ignores her stepsisters demands and starts to day-dreamingly go to her room to prepare for the Grand Duke’s arrival. But this turns out to be a mistake. Because of her elation, Lady Tremaine immediately puts the pieces together. Cinderella not only managed to defy her and go to the ball, but she is now in the way of her plans to marry her daughters off. If she is there when the Grand Duke arrives, then that’ll be it. She’ll fit the slipper, be taken to the palace, and will marry The Prince not long after. That is something that Lady Tremaine simply cannot allow. Not to mention that she can’t allow the girl to go unpunished for her defiance. Thus, she locks Cinderella in her room. To both keep her out of the way and to make sure that she can never leave.

So… it looks like that’s it. There is nothing that Cinderella can do at this point. She realizes that she’s once more going to be trapped in a cruel life and begs Tremaine to let her out before just breaking down. She had her chance once more, and once more her stepmother took it away. But once more, Jaq and Gus act to help their friend and manage to get the key. But of course Lucifer interferes, trapping both Gus and the key and Cinderella is now in a position where she can’t make him stop. All of her animal friends try to help, but it proves futile. That is, until Cinderella has a realization. There is someone who can chase off Lucifer. The same someone that she previously scolded because it would be going against orders; Bruno the Dog.

Remember when I pointed out how Cinderella got after Bruno dreaming of chasing Lucifer because he’d lose his home otherwise? Yeah, it comes back around here. She’s now close to getting out of her situation, so why not allow Bruno the same thing? She has her bird friends alert Bruno, and indeed the dog rushes in and causes the evil cat to jump from the window. I think it was supposed to be implied that this killed Lucifer, but we see in the later sequels that he survived. But with him out of the way, the mice slip Cinderella the key and she is able to get out and to the stairs just as the Grand Duke is beginning to walk out. And he’s clearly glad to see her to, outright making his way past Lady Tremaine and reminding her that he’s supposed to give every maiden a chance when she tries to ward him away,

But, of course, Tremaine can’t just accept defeat. She trips the earl and the slipper is shattered. It looks like once again, Cinderella’s hopes have been for naught. But this time, she doesn't cry. She doesn’t even get sad. Why? Simple, because it wasn’t for naught. She pulls out the other slipper, proving beyond doubt that she is the mystery girl. It was her hope that created the slippers. It was her hope that kept them manifested when the spell was broken. Now it is her hope that gave her the key to at long last break free from her stepfamily for good. She gets married to The Prince (we don’t know how long after, so there is a window open for those who want to get after her for marrying a guy she just met) and is whisked away to a better life. The wish that she made at last came true.

Cinderella is defined by hope, kindness, and dreams. It is these things that fuel her to continue on with her life. It is these things that allow her to remain a good person and not be broken by her stepmother’s attempts to humiliate and demean her. Even at her lowest moment, her hope couldn’t be truly broken. Sure in real life you’re not going to be able to magically summon a Fairy Godmother or be married into royalty because of a shoe. But this is NOT real life. This is a fairy tale. It is escapism. It doesn't have to adhere to reality exactly. Plus even then, there is something to be said about not giving up hope and remaining kind in the face of adversity. It is that lesson that I have carried with me since I was a child, to remain kind no matter what. I’ve had my own breakdowns, especially since it’s still 2020 at the time of this writing. But even so, I’ve tried to remain kind. Because Cinderella taught me to do so.

It is why I have never understood the hate against her, and never will. I love the modern princesses and yes, they did need to become more proactive and strong. But this does NOT make the first three bad. Especially not Cinderella. She is an abuse survivor. She is a dreamer. She is a young woman who only wanted to have some happiness in her life. Her kindness and hope was eventually rewarded, and in a way was granted to her by herself. The mice helped her with both her first dress and to escape the attic because she was kind to them. Bruno and the animals liked her because she was kind to them, so they repaid her. The Fairy Godmother manifested because Cinderella wanted to give up, but hope still remained in her heart and gave her the help she desperately needed. The glass slippers remained because of her hope, and became the keys to her achieving a better life. Sure she didn’t have to physically fight for it, but it doesn't change the fact that things happened, that others helped her because she was kind and hopeful. Because of herself.

The last thing to note is her voice actress, Ilene Woods. She was originally hired to do the singing for Cinderella, but after Walt heard her he cast her to also do the speaking lines. She did a beautiful job. She conveys Cinderella’s grace, kindness, and hopeful nature absolutely beautifully and her singing voice is outright angelic. Do you want to know a sad, yet beautiful story? Well at the end of her life, Ilene Woods had sadly been inflicted with Alzheimer. I think we all know how devastating that disease is. She was living in a nursing home, unable to recall anything. Reportedly, the nurses would often play A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes for her. Even though Ilene couldn’t recognize that it was herself singing, it was the one thing that could make her happy all the way up to her passing in 2010. Mind you that story is from Wikipedia /TV Tropes and I haven’t been able to find an actual source saying this, but I’ve never seen anyone contest if this was true. Either way, Ilene was and will always be the Cinderella, a legacy that the current actress Jennifer Hale is keeping alive and well today.

Final Thoughts

Cinderella will always be special to me. She’s not my overall favorite princess, we still have quite a while before we get to her. But she is firmly my second favorite. The film is outright my second favorite of all time (again, we’ll get to number one later). It’s the first movie that I remember seeing in my life. I would watch it for hours over and over again. I had dolls of her. I would dress up as her. The whole reason I wanted to go to Disney World was to meet her, and I did. The film looks beautiful. The music is beautiful. The characters are memorable. The story is an outright classic even before Disney adapted it. To quote Beauty and the Beast, it is a tale as old as time. Maybe it’s just nostalgia talking, but even after all these years, I love this movie just as much as I did when I was a little girl. Maybe even moreso now. It is a true Disney Masterpiece.

Disney was hoping for a miracle, and he got it. Cinderella was the biggest hit that they had had in a looong time. Audiences and critics loved it. It was the moment that Disney was back in business and able to return to feature film, launching them into the Silver Age of Animation. While his next film, Alice in Wonderland, didn’t go very well, both Peter Pan and Lady and the Tramp helped keep the studio afloat. As the decade came to a close, the studio decided that it was time to release another fairy tale-inspired film. Would this one strike gold like the first two? Come back next time to meet the final Classic Princess, Sleeping Beauty.

Image Sources: Disney Wiki, Animation Screencaps Other Sources: Rags to Riches: The Making of Cinderella Documentary

#cinderella #disney princess #disney princess reviews #callie reviews

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