#the fact that 3 of the options are different rats is really really funny to me

[kaboomthepossum]

Suddenly you are transported to a mystical realm and told you are the hero, destined to save it

You can choose one animal sidekick (or group of sidekicks if they are a group) from a TMG song

You must decide

The world depends on it

[lake-archive]

Track 4

Fandom: Hypnosis Mic

Series: Rat Infestation

Characters: Eli (by @watersofcamelot)

AO3 Link

Track 3 - Track List - Track 5

If there is one thing Eli hated the most outside of hypocrites who were a walking contradiction on their own it was those types of people who were just annoying. Lie to him all you want, break his bones or even kill a man. He could literally care less, as long as there was some consistency to it and you are not the literal opposite of your morals – Say one thing, do the other. 

The other thing was the second worst however, the other one he hated a good bunch: Annoying brats. Those jerks who make the people suffer or are just a pain in the ass for the heck of it. The key difference is that they had to actively harm others. And this was one of those cases. The fuck does this shithead think he is!? Just walking in here and unleashing his lab rats onto this soup kitchen? Fucking bastard, does he think messing with people’s only option to survive is a fucking joke!? Some people cannot afford it but no, filth like that thought this was a fun way to pass time. Rot in hell, it was honestly pissing him off. He should be fine though, as long as the two other guys kept watch when it came to the rats. As long as they stay inside they will be dealt with in no time as well. Eli was enough to teach that shitter a lesson, he was sure of it! 

He only stepped closer and closer, no regard whatsoever, only set on one thing and one alone… Thus the chuckling became louder and louder in his ears, echoing at a certain point. It became more and more unbearable, that literal bitch… And yet he did not interrupt until being close enough and seeing somewhat of a silhouette.

A young figure, a guy perhaps, covering his eyes with his messy, stinky hair. The clothes looked equally rotten, so many holes in them, it all may as well be at the literal brink of breaking. And his smell would make anyone faint and usually Eli might… But he was so pissed that he couldn’t get his nose to smell it. This was nothing at this rate, literally nothing. Absolutely nothing. He will worry about this later in fact.

“Oi, Punk! The hell is this!?”

The kid got startled, jumping for a moment before seeing the tall male approaching him, shivering right on the spot. “Eh!? Ah– That–”

“Nevermind, I can see the shit you’re doing. You really think this shit’s funny!?” He didn’t want to hear the answer if he was completely honest. He just wanted to show this fucker a lesson. Fuck with the soup kitchen and its ingredients, fuck with him. That was the only law here, something everyone might be aware of. Or so he thought. But this one… He will learn it right now. 

The guy was still stuttering all over the place yet the answer was obvious. 

“At least man up and admit the shit you’ve caused!”

“I… Just… Yeah but—”

“All I needed to hear.” A quick spit on the ground. Eli ignored any other reasoning. No mercy for brats like these and he was going to show it. Attack someone who is defenseless? This shithead thought this was funny! Well, mess with his home and the people who actually rely on this stuff to get by and you’re worthy of a beating. Punks deserve to be taught a lesson. Besides, he was not someone to abide by the laws if they were stupid. The big woman was not here anyway to observe this and he had doubts that Rio and Dice would tell on him… So no one will know. Teach them the hard way, beat some sense into them. And that is why he put out his own microphone, wanting to spare his fists touching that filth.

“Ugh, I think I’m getting sick. From what sewer did you come from!?

Brat, Punk, Ass

Acts like shit, smells like shit

If ya think you’re gonna get away, think again!

Mess with the food, mess  with me!

Mess with the kitchen, mess with me!

Mess with the people, mess with me!

Take a bath first before returning!

Preferably in a clean hot spring!

No, just shitting, access denied!

Go back in the dirt where you came from!

Burn your ass!

You ain’t welcome here!

You make me sick!

You make me shudder!

You make me puke!

Leave or it might get worse!

My favorite color? Red.

Really itching to see it now not gonna lie

Wanna help me with that?

Then just play the punching bag!

I promise only your nose will break!

Ah wait no– Just kidding

You little shit!

Get lost!”

The ground was shaking and so were the walls, it was all too audible. The rapping may as well have been the equivalent of screaming. And yet, it was not in Eli’s nature to care, not really at least. All he saw while shouting from the literal top of his lungs were the several shots aimed at the guy, one shot after the other being fired, almost blocking the noise coming from his own mouth, but just almost. Regardless, several shots were fired, right into his chest before the stinky pile of shit fell onto the ground unconscious. Oh how sad these were not actual shots fired by an actual gun, he wouldn’t have minded that. Not for some idiot like this. Whatever his reason to potentially cause a literal infection, this was no game. 

Mess with another’s life and you are at risk losing yours at any given point and you might end up bleeding to death before you know it. It is a dangerous game… He knows from experience. 

“Be lucky I didn’t use my fist punk. ‘cuz I think you deserved it. Tch…” 

Even if it was not justified in the end, it felt right at this very moment. Then again… Who cares? As long as the problem is solved now.

Track 3 - Track List - Track 5

[luxshine]

Time for Stranger Things 3 episode 7 and we are in the final two.

I really like that the series is starting to find its foot between "homage", "reference" and "nostalgia" rather than just cribbing actual 80's movies. I joked at the beginning that they were cribbing Resident Evil 2's homework with the rats scenes, but the truth is that they have managed to do their own thing.

The fair scene is a good example for this. I can think of a LOT of 80's movies where the horror began both on the fourth of july and in a town fair, but none with the exact type of scene that we have here. Same with Major Westley (Sorry, it's Cary Elwes, he will always be Westley to me), who reminds me of the Jaws major but more evil as at least the Jaws major wasn't colluding with the shark. He is ALL of slimy evil majors in the 80's and it works. I also hope he gets eaten by the not-the-blob.

(I really love the 80's Blob remake. I might have to do a video on it later)

The Anti-Mind-Flayer team is not that good without Steve and Hooper around I see. Also, I like that WILL is the Mind Flayer's tracking device, and not Eleven.

Dustin is good driving for his first time. And the Teenagers are so, so high this is so funny.

Dustin is so good as a nurse. Even if his patients are definitely not cooperating.

OOOH! Nancy got a gun! See, I like Nancy when she's being proactive and violent. Not when she's being a girlfriend. So get her more guns, less boys please.

Oooh, evil tentacles in a cabin in the woods! Classic. Now say Groovy Nancy!

Darn. She ran out of bullets. Bummer. SO it comes back to Eleven.

Eleven is running out of hands.

Jonathan and his axe are absolutely useless. But Lucas? Lucas got the axe! Go Lucas!

I think they're the Fighter and the Barbarian in the DnD Party. And by that I mean Lucas is the Fighter and Nancy the Barbarian.

El REALLY needs to read X-men.

Oh, hey, Back to the Future! That's a great think.

Aw, Dustin! You now know how Steve feels with your friends.

Meanwhile, team Smirnoff is... not a good start. Hooper needs to understand that Joyce is much better leader than he is. But I am with Murray. Not about the sexual feelings, but about the fact that the sparring is getting stale.

Murray, btw, is way too good at this lamp shading. I am starting to like him and I hated him last season.

Aww, Murray and Alexei are bonding over the fact that they ship Hooper and Joyce. If they keep it up I will ship them and then they both will die.

Lucas found firepower!

I think I may have to upgrade Lucas to Artificer.

Oh, dear, Mike is being honest. Thank good he is going to be interrupted by Dustin.

Apparently watching Back to the Future high is too much for Steve.

And so is the Mall.

No, seriously, High Steve is so fun.

OMG, Major Westley has a car phone! I had forgotten Car phones!

Mike is an idiot but in this case, he's right. New Coke is horrible.

Oh, shit. That thing is also in El's blood. UGH.

Truth or dare while high on truth serum is a bad idea, Robin.

But she's right about Nancy. She's a priss. And hey, Steve is no longer in love with Nancy... but I really hope that he's not in love with Robin because it's not going to work.

Writers... you either cut this shit out, or I'm going to yell at you.

Robin... omg, is she saying what she is saying?

SHE IS! OMG, Robin is in love with a girl!

Oh, the penny dropped.

I knew they were not good for each other. But... come on, supernanny, don't let me down. AND HE DIDN'T LET ME DOWN! He's now bonding with his gay best girl who is a friend! Steve, I love you so much. Now get that shit out of your system, find a girl or a boy (Because his thinking? Made me think it's the first time he realized that he has OPTIONS) and you can go on double dates with Robin, Tammy the deaf tone girl, and your partner.

I will not ship Murray/Alexei, I will not ship Murray/Alexei...

Damn. I am shipping Murray/Alexei. They are SO Dead.

Ted Wheeler needs to be in a different series, poor him.

Ah, the drugs are off. And yet they don't think that elevators without electricity are JUST stairs.

And oh, poor Alexei. He's dead now.

See, if I ship, they die. Sorry.

Ooh! Classic chase in Fun house maze!

Ow, poor Alexei. Poor Murray. He had found love and now he lost it.

Well, maybe he will survive to season 4. Alexei was dead even before.I started shipping because well, some one was going to kill him.

Now I wonder if Hooper will get the terminator, or the Mind Flayer will

OH! Major Westley's name is Larry! And he totally deserved that. He was the one who got Alexei killed.

GREAT! Now Team Smirnoff thinks the children are at the mall. Which they are, just not the children they are looking for. Fortunately, THEIR children are also going to the mall. And so is the giant Mind Flayer which I really hope gets to eat some Russians before he gets killed.

EL to the rescue!

She's getting the hang of great entrances.

So ok, ALL the children are now in the Mall. Good.

Oh, getting everyone up to date, is hard. And I knew that thing was in El. Now how do we get it out? Do we need a russian doctor?

Oh. CLiffhanger. Of course. Well, I will have to wait a bit for the next chapter.

[sleepymccoy]

Aziraphale’s demon aspect

As voted by 246 people!

The winner is

Owl

with nearly 26% of the primary vote

many people added in their free form answers that they were imagining a barn owl specifically

Owl was the front runner the whole way through this survey, but most of the time by a very beatable margin. The 40 or so people who voted in the last night really tipped it over, it was a tight race! And the results are crazy split imo, a quarter of votes constitutes a win! I love the different opinions and ideas we all have so so much

Ram/sheep came in a hearty second with 16.5% of the vote

A very regal demon there.

After that it gets a little murky, so I’m going to share the second graph I made when is every animal that got more than 1% of the vote. So it’s the top six animals

Magpie and Lion holding strong! Then Moth and Goat looking very good

The second question let you vote for as many options as you thought were appropriate for Aziraphale! So, there were a lot more write-ins! It’s crazy!

I’m using google sheets so I can’t get it to show you every name, but the raw data will be in a read more so you can scroll through everyone’s beautiful imagination there

Again, Owl winds with a solid 20% of the vote. Ram/Sheep coming in with about 15%, followed by Moth, Magpie, Goat, Lion, then Tortoise.

Tortoise was 11th in the first round, tied with Snake (but pale), and managed to surprise me by coming through so strong in the second. Slow and steady, baby.

Nearly everyone who wrote in about Magpies told me that Magpies hoard stuff, so it’s nice to see the hive mind at work there!

Five people told me they were voting goat because of that one piece of art by @hollow-head​ that shows Aziraphale scaling a bookshelf like goats do cliffs. As an artist myself I found it legitimately moving that this one image had stayed with people so strongly. That’s just beautiful. Here’s an example of just one person’s comment

idk dude i just remember one person posted art of him scaling the bookstore shelves like those goats scale mountains and just eating his clothes while he reads it was so fuckin funny but anyway goat eyes are great or he could have lil stubby horns that r covered by his hair

One moth enthusiast took the time to give me a short essay on their choice of moth. I have included a portion of it, cos it was so great

So if I had to choose an insect, it would be a moth, preferably a Megalopygidae, also known as the Flannel Moth. They are fluffy, white-beige and look innocent and fluffy, but their larvae can cause painful inflammations. A poodle moth would also fit because it's almost pure white.

Here’s a flannel moth for everyone

and a poodle moth, which i honestly thought was a hoax but i looked into it just now and it seems legit? There’s not a tonne of proof, but the og pictures are from a scientists who stands by them, so like, wow

And then a DIFFERENT PERSON put this in;

the moth i had in mind is Acherontia atropos, in polish called Zmierzchnica trupia główka (meaning more or less "dusk death's head"). i have a whole symbolism planned out and stuff 

Fucking, moth fandom come through!!

I’m vaguely scared of moths, fun fact. I don’t like the thick thunking sound they make when they hit stuff.

Here is the second round but with all the animals that got four or less votes removed for ease of viewing

the one segment there at 12 o’clock that google hasn’t labeled for me is Swan at 0.9%

I cannot believe I didn’t put swan in as an option, that’s all write-ins

So, to summarise, I suggest you take a lot of this with a grain of salt. It is not meant as an instruction to fandom or to railroad creativity. I have a narrow corner of the Good Omens fandom that I interact with, and while this quiz was up for a week I’m not sure it reached a great variety of people. About 250 folks filled it out, which was tonnes more than I expected and I love each and every one of you for filling it out!! But I have noticed that Owl was first on my list and in the free form answers the example prompt I gave included, “such as a breed of owl that specifically speaks to you,“ so I think it’s possible I did that unknowing bias thing that practiced survey folk know now to do. So, grain of salt.

I also think that if animals like Swan and Cat were in the list of options they’d’ve gotten more votes because the people who voted for those were coming up with it fresh themselves. I suspect people would’ve voted for them, but it just didn’t occur to them in the moment. In much the same way it didn’t occur to me in the moment I was writing this survey.

So people know, I got the ten or so animals that I put in the survey from searching the demon!aziraphale tag on tumblr, so it was all stuff that other people had come up with. I was trying to avoid my own bias, but i think in hindsight i could’ve done better!

Having said all that, this was all so much fun and the results are clear!!! Love a good owl!aziraphale

Imma continue to draw my boy as a ram, though. Cos this was all just for a laugh <3

numbers and a few more things under the cut

So some of these have half a vote ascribed to them. That’s for people who in their freeform answer said things like this;

ngl, that one post about him being a swan still makes me laugh

Mourning Dove. Though that Scallop answer was fucking brilliant

And I kinda made a judgement call that that wasn’t a vote, but it was kind of a vote. So I gave them half a point.

There were a few situations where people would write in a specific species. If I got more than one vote for the root animal I just grouped them together, but if it stayed the only vote then it kept the species. Cat got the most specific species mentioned, and in the second vote Bat had a few species mentioned (albino bat being my fave), but I ended up grouping them all just under Cat and Bat to give them a better chance of getting on the graph. There were probably a few other examples but I can’t think of them. The one exception to this is the person who wrote-in Duolingo Owl specifically. For that one I figured Owl is already pretty solid, and that’s just fucking funny, man

I was also pretty generous about some stuff. So, this person didn’t vote for Moose but they clearly regretted it so I added a vote for Moose in the second one where you could vote for multiples. They kept their Ram and Goat votes, of course, but I added Moose for them

I get very bastard energy from my demon az headcanons. Like f-ing shit up for a laugh more than anything, but otherwise indifferent. That's kinda why I like the ram/sheep/goat thing so much because it reminds me of indifference and random chaos. Or a moose. Shit, I should have written in moose

So yeah, it’s hardly a double blind study that’d stand up to any real criticism, but it was fun and I think the essence of it is fun!! Scroll through and have a read. Imma pull a few more of my fave write-ins and put them down the bottom cos it’s great. Esp the ones that only got one vote, the reasonings were stellar on some of those

Here is the first vote results, where everyone could only vote for one animal each

Owl 63 Ram/Sheep 40 Magpie 28 Lion 26 Moth 21 Goat 17 Swan 4 Eagle 4 Dove 4 Cat 4 Tortoise 3 Snake 3 Scallop 2 Rat 2 Rabbit 2 Mongoose 2 Badger 2 Shima Enaga 1 Shark 1 Porcupine 1 Orangutan 1 Mouse 1 Long Furby 1 Hippopotomaus 1 Goose 1 Duck 1 Dragon 1 Cow 1 Cereberus 1 Boar 1 Bee 1 Bat 1 Alpaca 1

Second Vote results, where everyone could vote for as many as they wanted

Owl1 82 Ram/Sheep 136 Moth 108.5 Magpie 98 Goat 96 Lion 72 Tortoise 61 Snake 37 Eagle 33 Cat 9.5 Swan 7.5 Lizard 4 Rabbit 4 Badger 3 Mongoose 2 Dove 2 Mouse 2 Squirrel 2 Bear 2 Raccoon 2 Capybara 2 Dragon 2 Bat 1 Long Furby 1 Rat 1 Boar 1 Goose 1 Peacock 1 Pangolin 1 Lindworm 1 Moose 1 Chinchilla 1 Duolingo Owl 1 Cackatoo 1 Crow 1 Cow 1 Alpaca 1  Dodo 1 Shark 1 Big Dog 1 Snow Leopard 1 Scallop 0.5

All voting was optional. To help explain how scallop lost 1.5 votes from first to second, I believe the people who voted for it in the first question just skipped the second cos they’d said their bit.

In terms of how many people engaged with the questions, Q1 had 245 answers and one skip. Q2 had 241 answers and 5 skips, and Q3 where I just let people talk at me if they wanted to had 84 answers and 162 skips.

So please enjoy my selection of free form answers. They all made me smile but putting all 84 in seems excessive to me, so I’ve chosen the ones that are either full blown mini essays or that make me laugh. It’s still a lot, this project brought me so much joy

-

Shima enaga - It's the hair man

Cow (aka golden calf)

Scallop. He is a snack.

Swan. Elegant but very capable of fscking you up. Mates for life.

basically anything that is both gentle in nature and fiercely loyal, territorial and protective (but prone to anxiety). Also hedonistic esp. with food. For all of these reasons, I think a dog would be the best choice.

Dragon with his hoard of books

it’s about the teeth. just too sharp and too many to be human. (comment from op here, this person voted for shark, just for context)

Turkish Angora cat. Magnificently fluffy, incredibly intelligent, love heights and will jump off crazy high things and land on your head, gloriously dignified until they see a string and run into a wall, love one or maybe two persons to distraction and want everyone else to fuck off, will drape themselves over their person’s shoulders and go to sleep, range from “will jump in the sea to hunt fish and has a murder pit full of seagulls they’ve massacred” to “will fall over at the sight of a baby bird”, very particular about food and will yell at you if you get it wrong. Also the breed that some asshole took three cats from and bred parent to child to make Persians. The cautionary tale has been acknowledged and we love our crazy smart, single braincelled children.

I usually imagine him as an owl because they are nocturnal (and we know that Aziraphale can easily stay awake the whole night reading). Also the image of an owl puffed up is kind of ridiculous and reminds me of him, of how an annoyed Aziraphale would look. However the options above have made me think that a lion would suit him very well, too. A lion or just a very BIG cat. I mean, he makes pleading eyes to get what he wants, likes to be confortable, is a bit of a bastard and often puts himself in awkward situations from which he needs to be rescued. He just... acts very cat-like in my opinion. Also owls and cats are both predators, but are usually imagined (or, at least cats are) as cute little creatures, just like Aziraphale is an Angel of the Lord (a Warrior, actually) but looks all soft and cute and huggable. I dunno. Maybe I just want to pet an Aziracat.

I love all the other people's thoughts about demon!Aziraphale, but what about the honey badger? I try to explain why I have it in mind for demon!azi: its name (I think it's funny, expecially in English because 'honey' can make you imagine it's something sweet (it is for me), while the 'bad' in badger can be an alarm bell (like 'be careful! It is not like it seems!')); its face (ok, who can say its face isn't cute? I think, and hope, nobody can, and like the name, it is a misunderstanding: as always, be careful, it's not like it seems!, I think demons can say something about demon!azi as like "you don't seem like a 'good' demon, you can't be, your face (animal and human) is too f-ing disgusting sweet to be a demon!", I think maybe even angel!crowley, at the beginning, can think something like this ("how in the world somebody so cute like you can be a demon?"), then he discovered how demon!azi can be a very talented demon sometimes, but in Crowley's mind azi is still his little cutie angry furry); its furry's colour (black=demon, white/grey/silver/idkitsname= color of demon!azi's wings, because even if he fell, I can't say no to his white wings 😭); it is a snake's predator (and in my mind angel!crowley is still a snake); its solitary life (demon!aziraphale is alone and he doesn't mind it, unless it's angel!crowley we're talking about, then our cute demon minds it); its behaviour (demon!azi, even if he's cute, can be a really very talented demon: honey badger is fearless and dangerous, it can fight bigger animals if there aren't other chances and it can't escape); its skin is very tough (except for a soft/safe spot, behind its neck if I remember well, that only angel!Crowley knows and sometimes he uses it to calm demon!azi down or make azi do some good deeds); its diet (it has a sweet-thooth, for honey in primis, but it can eat everything it wants... Doesn't it resemble demon!azi?); it's smart (search for Stoffle on your browser if you don't know)... Ok,I think I finish, sorry for the novel 😅

I tend to think of animals that meet three criteria: (1) they exemplify “faults” in his character exaggerated to “sins”—gluttony, greed/hoarding, sloth, (2) they are species that favor fawning or flight as a defense mechanism but can also be bold on occasion, and (3) blend very well or have a keen affinity with human society, specifically thriving in urban (i.e., city) environments. This is mostly because I can’t see “Aziraphale” in a reverse AU that doesn’t preserve some of his core traits as an angel (a little hedonistic, hoarding, anxious, etc.). So I like city-dwelling bastard animals with bonus points for relation to scripture, like a rock dove or a fox or an owl.

Owls aren't  smart, and the pedant in me says not an owl. But, thinking on it, demon aspect, owls are perceived as smart, but designed as deadly silent predators, patient and solitary. So actually demon Aziraphale could take on more owlish aspects. I just like cockatoo better, since they are smart, and showy. Or a crow, although that does amusing things with Crowleys name.

god imagining him as a chimera is !!! (comment from op, there was this odd flurry of mythical animals being voted for one night. i think the survey hit a corner of fandom that leans that way. there was also dragon, another chimera, a griffon, and a lindworm all at the same rough time)

Magpies are great because they’re cute and fluff themselves up (go look at Sophie the magpie) and like hoarding their favorite things but also I’ve watched one just straight up kill another bird before because corvids are sneaky little bastards with no lack of a mean streak if they’re crossed

It’s the duolingo owl, I’m so sorry op but it just is. I genuinely don’t mean to clown on your post, but this take was delivered to me in a sleep induced haze and I believe it’s the god given truth. Demon Aziraphale WOULD try to make you learn a dead language and he’d go about it in a vaguely threatening way (comment from op, you’re so fucking right dude. also, shit like this is made for clowning, i’m with you 100%)

When choosing a demon aspect for a Aziraphale, I usually tried to keep in mind the artistic tradition of which animals are linked with demons. The Good Omens team seems to have drawn inspiration from that source because all the animals we do see are either reptilian or insectoid. Those species were often shown inhabiting hellish landscapes in Renaissance and Baroque paintings. However, Aziraphale never struck me as cold or slimy or hard like an exoskeleton. So if I had to choose an insect, it would be a moth, preferably a Megalopygidae, also known as the Flannel Moth. They are fluffy, white-beige and look innocent and fluffy, but their larvae can cause painful inflammations. A poodle moth would also fit because it's almost pure white.

Ok so the only reason I pick magpie is because those bastards are smart as hell but also know how and when to inconvenience the shit out of you, and if you gain their trust then they're absolute darlings but if they decide "nah, dont like ya" then you're basically done and you'll wake up every morning with shit on your car window. I also chose sheep/ram cuz I mean... idk it suits him. I don't remember my other choice but I'm sure I had a good reason.

I feel like a barn owl would suit him well but I'm not really sure why, I also think that a moth would suit him really well because of the whole "moth to a flame" thing and as a demon he would have gotten burned because of that attitude.

I write a reverse AU fic called Lambs to the Slaughter where Aziraphale's demonic aspect is an albino sheep! I imagine him as a mix between a wild Argali ram and the first woolly domestics. I chose an Argali because they're the largest species of wild sheep, but I wanted him to have traits of a domestic breed because he obtains his animal aspect from a sheep in Abel's flock which would be several generations down from the original wild species in Eden. I really think a sheep suits Aziraphale! They're an incredibly common animal and have been since they were first domesticated. Likewise, since the start of human history, Aziraphale has been living side-by-side with humans, providing for them, and protecting them. Due to how common they are, sheep are often unnoticed, which Aziraphale leans into. Crowley wants to stand out. He has a dedicated aesthetic and an obsession with human invention, where Aziraphale leans more towards simpler, known things and creature comforts. He fades into the background, and that suits him fine. He doesn't have to be outstanding to Heaven or to humans or even to Crowley -- it's enough to do his part, to trust in a bigger plan. People associate sheep (especially lambs) with innocence or ignorance which foils nicely to Crowley as the serpent tempting with knowledge, as well as with Aziraphale's own sharp mind and ongoing embers of faith in a system that is failing him, Crowley, and all of humanity. Sheep are, like Aziraphale, soft, cute, and hiding a hard-headed stubbornness and a surprising strength that makes them absolutely fearsome. Aziraphale is very much the sort to put his head down and push relentlessly forward regardless of the pressure and strain. Rams in particular have thick skulls to withstand the brutal force of headbutting one another in displays of dominance. While Aziraphale is clever, he's not above rolling up his sleeves and getting the job done, as messy and unpleasant as it might be (see: pulling a gun on the Antichrist). Also sheep are associated with Pan, a god associated with food, music, theatre, and the criticism thereof, which hit many of Aziraphale's personal interests and hobbies! I like the idea that in a reverse AU, the demon formerly named Aziraphale might be the original basis for Pan!

I wrote in Orangutan for the first question because if I remember correctly they are some of the most violent apes. Although I'd accept bonobo for him too. They fuck alll the time.

mothman aziraphale,,,,, thats it

Snowy owl, speremint's tortoise, and I just adore the goat.

moth - dusty and eats books

Long Furby the way Loni-Capri draws it.

I keep thinking about that Black Philip quote "doest thou wish to live deliciously" because... it fits so much with the general epicurean/hedonism vibe the Fandom has for him ... but in a demonic way and also I think a lot abt that art piece (already referenced many times probably but what the hell) of him climbing his own bookshelves, it's just so good!!

Albino Lion/white lion (matches his hair).  I feel like maybe I should explain why I think Lion would fit him best, lol. Lions actually are rather sedate, inactive for 20 hours of the day (see: Aziraphale reading and unmoving- yes I pulled wiki for this to make sure I didn't spout anything terribly wrong, shhh)  but also there's nomad lions. Lions that range widely and move around sporadically either alone or in pairs (*looks at Crowley after apoconope*) (pairs are more frequent among males who have been excluded from their birth pride)  but also I think of lions as protectors, defenders, and what is Aziraphale if not that? If not an angel who fiercely protects humans, crowley, earth? (When he finally overcomes heaven and it's abuse) lions don't hunt unless they're hungry, don't attack unless they're defending. They've been known to sit directly next to jeeps full of people and just watch them, not attacking or being aggresive.

I saw art once (I have no idea who the artist is) of Demon!Aziraphale climbing his bookcases like a goat and absentmindedly chewing on his sweater while he reads. I felt like the goat aspect suited him perfectly.

Honestly I wrote Az with a rat aspect because, well, it fits who I see demon Az as. He's not super powerful but he is very consequential, like rats carrying plague fleas (this also describes how I see Az tempting). He tries to blend into a crowd, which is arguably one way rats survive, and can get himself into places/situations that should be impossible or super difficult. Like snakes, rats have been unfairly maligned by our culture for a long time, even though they are very social with their colonies, smart, affectionate, and generally good beans. Finally, male pet rats are known far and wide as the lazier of the sexes while the girls are super curious and adventurous.

Somehow his tartan pattern becomes either his colour scheme or his coat/feather pattern.

Eurasian eagle owl. A big, unapologetic grump of an owl that is soft as soft can be underneath. Possessor of the glare to end all glares to be used in such dire situations as being interrupted when reading or being told one has "had enough cake".

[sorenskyhigh]

Pets They Would Have pt. 2

Karasuno

Hisashi Kinoshita

Hisashi is a Train Company Employee. This means he works a lot of hours and just does not have the time to take care of, love and train any other pets

Fish are a really easy to take care of

All you have to do is remember to feed them and have a water filter to constantly clean their aquarium

Some fish, if handled when young, can get big and will let and love for you to pet them

But, they also are just very nice to have

Just to watch them swim around all of the plants with the light on at night

As I said, they don't need alot either

Hisashi could just let them be

They wouldn't beg or need constant love and attention like a mammal (dog, cat, rat, bird)

They also don't need constant vigilance for health issues or specialized diets like amphibian and reptilian pets

Hisashi is going to be tired when he gets home from work, so he needs a pet that is more ornamental than a chore

I feel if Hisashi were to have fish, he'd get the weirdest ones in the pet store

Hisashi seems to have a very strong inner child

So he would want either the flashiest fish, or the ones that cause a double take everytime their passed by in the store

He may get only one or two or get a whole tank full

I honestly feel like it could go one of two ways:

A- He has an aquarium for a wall in his house filled with his wild choice in fish or

B- He has a small, round, spherical bowl with two fish in it

It'd be funny if he had just the two fish to start with then they had babies even though the worker said they were both female

Obviously they weren't

They laid eggs and he had to transfer the female and daughters to one large tank and the father and sons to another so they wouldn't keep having babies

After this he has like 14 fish in total

Then he keeps finding himself at the pet store looking at the "ugly" fish no one wants

He buys these fish and ends up having two tanks that cover a whole wall

One's for his male fish the others for the females

But he screws up and learns the hard way that clownfush can change genders to help make babies

I'm being terrible to this poor guy let me stop

He so would be that fish owner to get real plants and "not those toxic plastic ones, how do they not hurt the fish???"

I honestly love the thought of Kinoshita just spacing out in front of his fish as he just watches them swim and do their own thing

Or if he were to only have a couple fish and he lets them get really big and pets them

Kazuhito Narita

Now, I know what you're thinking

Aren't Ferrets incredibly high maintenance?

Not really

Kazu ends up working at a Realty Firm

Generally their work hours are supposed to be around 40 hrs a week

But they often have to stay longer considering most clients can only meet up on weekday afternoons

So this means Kazu has to work a lot

Ferrets may be mischievous and a little destructive, but that's easy to fix

If a ferret is to be left at home alone for hours at a time, just get it a really big cage and tons of toys to play with

Plenty of food and water too, of course

But ferrets are honestly pretty chill

All they need is for you to clean out their cage around once a week, some light grooming here and there, and some time to run around

Apartment or house doesn't matter with ferrets

They love to just mess around and only need a couple hours of free time a day

They sleep most of the day, 17 to 20 hours usually

They also aren't very vocal

They have a specific noise they make when excited thats barely heard by most human ears

Fun fact about ferrets is they actually have pretty poor eyesight, but their sense of smell and hearing more than make up for it

The only real problems Kazu would have to worry about are hairballs getting lodged and dental issues, no different than a cat

I didn't pick a cat though bc, Kazu seems like the kind of person to have something that doesn't get riled up on a whim like a cat

Cats often have unpredictable moods, ferrets on the other hand can be energetic but won't get into a bad mood at the drop of a pin

They're generally very fun loving

Though, it is always recommended to get a pair

Ferrets are highly social animals, so they would need a buddy for when your not able to be there for them

Kazu would probably get one almost all white ferret and one almost all dark brown ferret for the symbolism

I love the thought of Kazu wrestling with one ferret, it wrapped around his hand, and then the other one if climbing on his back and sliding down the back of his shirt in playful retaliation

Tobio Kageyama

I really really wanted to give Tobio a turtle, but with him being a volleyball player in his adult life, that just won't work

Turtles need very specific temperatures and surroundings so they can live happily and healthily

I honestly feel in terms of personality, nothing but a cute little Eastern Box Turtle would fit him perfectly

I honestly struggled to find something that, to me, fit Kageyama Tobio but also would be manageable for him as a pro athlete

He's a very complex character and something with fur or feather just did not seem to suit him to me

The only problem is.......reptiles and amphibians are generally really demanding pets

From the food they eat, the the temperature their home has to be set at, its a lot of constant care

Some of them may not like constant physical touch, but they still need to be cleaned and have a constant watchful eye to check for any skin abnormalities

I decided on the African Fire Skink after much much MUCH consideration

These lizards don't get large, onky around 14-15 inches

And, unlike many reptilian nd amphibian pets, they don't require any specific heating or lighting

As long as your house isn't like consistently hot or cold or constantly changing between the two, their fine

They do need a substantial amount of dirt to dig and hide in

They mostly eat insects and one very rare occasion would appreciate a pinky mouse

These lizards are also shy and like to be admired from a distance

They don't like to be touched too much

They also have few and far between health problems uike other lizards

The only real problem is you can't find them at local pet stores but, they generally sell for around 25-70 USD

They also live for around 15-20 years

I feel like Tobio would have gotten his lizard as a middle schooler bc he didn't have very many friends, but he also didn't want a really needy pet since he doesn't know how to socialize well

Since this lizard like to be left alone, he could admire it from afar and this lizard could help him learn how to social better

Sorta.....

Imagine Tobio at a table in his room, doing some homework and the little Skink is just lazing about in a sunspot next to him 😍

Shoyo Hinata

YES YOU ARE SEEING CORRECTLY

At first for Shoyo I thought, okay maybe a hamster or a Guinea Pig or something like that

Ya know, something small but mighty and also, incredibly cute!

But I took a look at a list of pets that travel well and one of pets that can be left at howm for days with a proper care taker

I nearly shot myself bc I totally forgot that Hermit Crabs can be pets!!!!!

And they suit Shoyo so well!!!

They are small and sturdy

They fight back and pinch when threatened but can be very nice little pets to have

Hermit Crabs also love, sadly, for only around 10 years and can grow up to 6 inches long

Also, three to five shells per crab should be available

I am living for the idea that Hinata bought a bunch of shells for his crabs and painted them with little volleyballs and crows and ornage and black 🥺

These are good bc as long as you have someone reliable to feed them when they need to be while you're gone

Usually, if they're small, they're tiny wittle claws can't grab onto pellet food, so heir is a specific kind of almost dust like food for Hermit Crabs

Also, dark leafy greens like kale and broccoli or fruits like apples, bananas, and grapes are good too

Just choo them up really really tiny

They also need 2-3 inches of soil, silica play sand, and (optional) coconut fibers for them to burrow in when they molt

They also need a place for water to keep their little shells moist

They also need specific temps and maybe even mist their terrarium with water now and again

Something that us important and why Shoyi would need someone to come in and check on them is bc they are every vulnerable when molting

When a Hermit Crab molts they need to be separated from others so they don't get hurt

Like with many smaller pets you also have to thoroughly wash your hands before and after you touch them

Shoyo would fight Tobio when Tobio said his Crabs are boring and go into a long detailed argument about how each Crab has his/her own personality and how interesting they are

Kei Tsukishima

Did you expect this Dino loving nerd to have anything else other than a reptile?

I tried to find one, as you can imagine, that would fit his adult life schedule but also his personality

I really wanted to give him an Iguana or Chameleon butbthey were really demanding with care

Now.....I know

Anole are native to the Southern US and Southern Hispanic countries such as Mexico, Clolombua, and Venezuela

They are around 20cm long and only live a very short 3-5 years

Also if you own many most should be female and only one should be male if you choose to have any males at all

The males get very territorial and will fight one another

Also the males flair our their dewlaps (skin flap under their chin) in defense and when they feel threatened

The dewlaps are usually pink, red, or on the rare occasion blue

Females have these as well but don't flair them out as much

Anoles are very high energy but don't care to be touched too much

These lizards also can't be picked up by their tales as they have evolved to lose their tales and grow them back

Kei would like these as they are so odd

They're not only descendants of Dinosaurs but they can lose their tales and grow them back at will???

I feel like Kei would constant have new ones

His massive tank (you need big ones for these guys, they are very active and will resort to cannibalism if their space is too small) is never empty, always at least three

He has analbum on his phone of all of the Anoles he's owned and maybe even has a picture book with their names on it

Yamaguchi to this day is the o ky one that has had the privilege to see said book

Yamaguchi is also the only person Kei trusts to take care of his precious Anoles

And when one dies he has really small but none the less grand ceremony for a descendant of the mighty race of Dinosaurs

Yamaguchi always helps him set these up

I fell like he would give them really weird names as well

Like twig, stick, sock, glove, kneecap or some weird shit idk

I'll have Yamaguchi, Yachi, Yui, Natsu, and Saeko in the next one

My requests are open and I hope you enjoyed

@popcorntime-doodles @multifandombrainrot @kneecapstealingalien @jiheonity @weareallhumans123 @smallmangi @canadian-crow @just-jellyfish @immiamarais @i-need-coffee-now-pls @shadowsbutdead @ghostexhibit @goshikisimp @anothershadeofpink @mestayanon @all-around-fandoms31 @thatfunnysprout @itsallgonnabokayihope @g00s3 @boreateo @backalley-astrologer @vaniatslover @lil-mellow-bunbun @strawberrymakki @beelziee @taiyahhh @sakusasgerm @cr4z3d-cl0wn @brendanfkelley @mainnews32 @beelshumanworldburger @mehreenackerman @detective-bakugou

[idiopathicsmile]

So to be honest, I have been struggling to come up with anything to post here, because in this current historical moment, everything I have to say feels so small and so trivial. There is a voice in my head urging me to create but it demands, although we’re all starved for material, that I create well, that I make art that will justify this time on lockdown, and indeed, justify my own continued existence in these frightening, turbulent times.

But you know what? Fuck it. Fuck everything.

Friends, let’s rate some entries in my current favorite medium, overly expository kid’s show intro music of the 80′s and 90′s. 

Let’s say you’re writing a show for children 30 years ago. Streaming platforms decidedly don’t exist yet; marathoning a show is not an option. Your target audience is going to catch your creation, if at all, here and there, at the mercy of the broadcast schedule. 

Now let’s say you have a medium-to-low respect for these kids’ intelligence. You can’t assume they’ll be able to pick up what this program is about via context, or that they’ll even hang around long enough to puzzle it out. You need a way to, right off the bat, explain the thesis of the show, give you some idea what to expect and god, if we’re lucky, sum up each main character’s dominant personality trait, all in a catchy, bite-sized format.

You need...the overly expository intro song. 

Transformers (1986)

Here we get a basic rundown of the central struggle of the show: who’s good, who's bad, and roughly what the content of the show will be. There’s no punchy summary of each protagonist’s personality (I’m told the Transformers didn’t especially...have those), but it does efficiently set out the main premise: that we will be dealing with alien robots who are fighting a battle of galactic importance, and who sometimes like to rearrange themselves into trucks. Who I am to judge.

5/10. Is it just me or are there like four different musical genres going on here.

Kidsongs (1994)

On one hand, we get a sense right out of the gate of what we are about to see: kids inexplicably handling all production aspects of a TV show, in what’s surely pages of child labor violations. On the other hand, this song drags its feet for over 50 seconds before adding, “Oh yeah, also all of the kids are secretly friends with a furry blue magical entity of boundless power called Billy Biggle.”

Interestingly (...for an extremely limited value of “interesting”), the Kidsongs I grew up with was a remake of a series from the 80’s, where instead of explicitly, prominently asking adults for permission and studio access, the plucky child leads just go urban exploring in an abandoned TV studio, which they decide to fix up themselves. This is a much more punk rock origin story, and notably, these kids lack the deus ex machine of a Billy Biggle. Knowing this has forever changed how I can look at Kidsongs (1994).

3/10. Fuck the police.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987)

Now these are some lyrics that really double down on their premise. Who are we watching? What are their fighting abilities? Approximately how old are they? All answered, in just four words. I assume the phrase “Teenage mutant ninja turtles” repeats so many times to give your brain a chance to fully wrap itself around the concept, which is fair. Imagine hearing this for the first time. It’s a lot.

The song even helpfully throws you a few seconds of backstory. How did these mutated adolescent turtles come to master the martial arts? A rat taught them. Okay. Fair.

Thrillingly, we also get an attempt to capture each of its main characters in a line (or less than a line, for Leonardo, who simply “leads”). The semi-random interjections (“that’s a fact, Jack!”) really add something, although I would be hard-pressed to say what.

8/10.  I feel like this was probably written in like 15 minutes but they really went for it, and I respect that.

Space Cases (1996)

Here we have, in my opinion, the platonic ideal of the overly expository kid’s show intro. We get backstory. We get show concept. We get an extended sequence boiling down every child’s essence into a line of song, which isn’t the healthiest way to approach a complex personality but, y’know, it’s catchy.

The two adults onboard must humiliatingly share a single line: "Davenport and Goddard do the best they can.” That’s it. That’s all they get. I thought this was sort of funny when I was young, but now it’s just harrowingly relatable.

10/10. At the end of the day, aren’t we all just doing the best we can?

[tarripup]

So today I finished off a simple little piece after talking to edtropolis about how I have had previous pokesonas, and how I have not always had Pachirisu as my pokesona. It made me suddenly want to do this interesting little piece of myself as my pokesonas over time. :3 For the sake of keeping it not so complicated, I have not included pokesonas I did not really commit to. For example, when I trialed being a Minccino for a couple of months before deciding it wasn't for me, or when I did not seriously commit to being a Charmander.

So here are my pokesonas in order and for about how long I had them! :3

Squirtle - A few months Squirtle was my first favourite pokemon, and first pokesona ever. I used to imagine being a Squirtle and swimming at the lakes. :3 I don't really know if I have any drawings of myself as a Squirtle, though if I did, they are probably lost to time lol.

Pikachu - 1-2 years Pikachu replaced Squirtle as my favourite and pokesona relatively quickly, possibly due to the influence of the anime and because everyone loved that little rat lol. Honestly, I can't say if there was any personal reason I loved Pikachu, if I had to stop and think... I imagined how one day I'd wake up as a Pikachu, and have to go to school as one. I'd run around the school, and everything would be SO HUGE to me. Also, some of the other kids would have turned into pokemon, too, obviously. :P

Vulpix - 3-4 years Vulpix ended up becoming a favourite of mine, and ended up replacing Pikachu as my pokesona. As with Pikachu, I imagined one day waking up as a Vulpix, and having to go to school, etc etc. The difference began when I wondered if we would have to wear school uniforms as pokemon, and if we did, how it would work with me, given I was a four-legged cutie patoot. Maybe I wouldn't have to wear anything? Or maybe given my form, I would wear the uniform top, but nothing else because of how my form was and my tails? Just as long as whoever I had a crush on at the time became a Vulpix as well, though. xD

Here it gets a bit messy.

Chikorita - 1 year or so Chikorita kinda snuck in as my pokesona after Vulpix, but then not long after...

Bayleef - About 2 years ...my pokesona switched to Chikorita's evolved form, Bayleef. Did I have fantasies about being a Bayleef at school? Why, yes. In fact, even imaginings of myself literally evolving at school one day from a Chikorita to a Bayleef! :3 During this time...

Vaporeon - 2-3 years ...my pokesona kinda switched to Vaporeon. That said, my pokesona kinda flicked between Vaporeon and Bayleef at this time, and also Vulpix would continuously pop back here and there as my pokesona. Told you it would get messy! xD Funny story, too... When we were younger, my brothers and I agreed that we were each an Eeveelution. One of my brothers was Jolteon. His bedspread was yellow, funny that, so I guess that made sense. xD My other brother was Flareon. His bedspread was red. So that made sense, too. And since my favourite out of the three was Vaporeon, I was Vaporeon. And yes, my bedspread was blue. So Eeveelution Siblings confirmed. xD

The pokesona thing quietened a little for little bit, but not long... I guess having all those previous four pokesonas existing at times simultaneously was too much for the space-time continuum. Anyway...

Eevee - About 9 years Not counting the "true pokesona", Eevee is my longest running pokesona, ahead of Pachirisu (which is in 2nd place), and Vulpix (in third). This probably came about as a downgrade from Vaporeon, though for what reason I am not sure. Perhaps because I felt Eevee suited me better, because Eevee could become many pokemon?

Mew - About 11 years, parallel to pokesonas since 2009 (aka the "true" pokesona) So probably because Eevee could become many different pokemon, I began to ponder how Mew could literally become ANY pokemon, and began to feel it suited me far better. I do like me some little pranks here and there, after all~ :P That said, I kept Mew as a kind of separate pokesona form, while maintaining a "common pokemon" form, which I have generally used as a kind of plot device behind my own little various backstories, from hiding my true Mew form, to having amnesia, PMD style, where my true form is a Mew however I have the form of my common form sona. In addition, if there were ever a situation where "legendary and mythical pokemon are not an option", I would have a common form to fall back on. Just to be prepared, I guess! xD

Pachirisu - 5 years (2015 - present) Pachirisu replaced my Eeveesona in 2015, because I wanted to trial it and thought it might suit me better. I ended up growing into the new form, based a lot on how one particular time I was playfighting with some friends and they ended up exhausted and I was still full of so much energy lol. Also there was that time where I kept running up to the top of a waterslide and going down it, then running up to the top again, etc etc etc ad infinitum without stopping EVER for over an hour. So... yeah I don't know. xD But so Pachirisu became my new pokesona then, and has been until this day. :3

Tell me... which of the above would you imagine suits me best? :3 (Mew doesn't count y'all, that's like saying EVERY pokemon ahaha)

[happyblobfish]

Photo session (Reader x entire team)

A ventilation shaft isn't the best place to hide. But for now, other options have run out. All you have to do is wait for 9 mercenaries to lose interest in your person and stop hunting you. Then everything will return to normal.

It's only 3 days.

Three days sitting in dirty and wet ventilation without food, drink and the possibility of a peaceful sleep.

(y/n) sighed. All this because of one silly announcement in Mann co's catalog. You had to sit in this hole with rats for the next 3 days. And everything started this morning.

                                                            ***

Today was supposed to be a day off for everyone. Last week, your team didn't lose a match and Soldier, as a reward, said that today there will be no training. So you decided to go to the city for small shopping. You'd need a new hairbrush. In addition, the bookshop was supposed to be a new supply of books, so why not look for something for yourself. I mean Heavy has a huge collection of books, but half is in Russian and the other is books about philosophers and their theories. It's a pity that your big friend has nothing about fantasy or even adventure. But this isn't a problem that can't be solved. Right?

You just have to convince Sniper to drive you to the city. Probably he will have to refuel his van so he shouldn't make any problems. All you have to do is get an Australian at breakfast.

You went to the dining room, planning your plans for the rest of the day.

"In the evening, I promised to play cards with the boys." You thought. "In addition, I promised Pyro that I'd spend some time with him. Next... "

-What is going on here?

You saw that a group of nine of your friends were fiercely discussing something, but all of them were silent when they saw you. You felt that all eyes are focused on your person. It was very uncomfortable.

-Did I do something wrong? 

You said fearfully.

-You haven't done anything wrong, mon cher.

Spy smiled in your direction.

-Please, sit with us, darlin’’, Ah'll give ya some pancakes and coffee.

Engi said getting up from the table and went towards the kitchen.

You took place between Demo and Sniper. The atmosphere in the air was still heavy, so you decided to relax it.

-So Sniper, I was wondering if you could take me to the city today? 

You asked looking at the tall hunter. He smiled and put the mug on the table.

-That wouldn't be a problem for me (y/n), but boys and I’ve other plans for you today.

Sniper and the rest of them smiled darkly. You felt something turned over in your stomach. Not because of pancakes and coffee that Engi put before you.

-W-what do you mean other plans? 

You asked uncertainly. Scout snatched the catalog from Soldier's hands and handed it to you.

-I-I still don't understand what you want from me.

-Open it und you'll find out everyzhing Fräulein. 

Medic said in a voice full of excitement.

You opened the magazine carefully. At first glance, everything looked normal. Saxton Hale advertised the latest weapons produced by Mann co. Nothing special.

-Do you want me to buy something? But I already have a gun. 

You said in disbelief.

You already had (the weapon you want to choose). Being a woman on the battlefield isn't easy but you did quite well. You were even third in the death rank this month! (Sniper and Spy were in the second and first place, but the difference was between them by one "point".)

-Ya don't look where ya need lass. 

Demo said and showed his finger an article about which apparently they all meant.

Then you saw it.

"Mann co. is looking for a new face for the cover of a special magazine. We are looking for candidates with mercenary experience. Please send photos to Saxton Hale, who will personally choose the winner."

At that moment, you had two feelings. The first is that the text was definitely not written by the head of the company. Second, what did it have to do with you? You didn't even like taking pictures of yourself.

-So how will it be little girl? 

Heavy said crossing his arms.

-What do you mean? 

You said looking at everyone gathered at the table.

-Well, will you take part in this competition (y/n)? Scout takes the magazine from you. 

-I've heard that our "neighbors" are also involved in this, and they're exhibiting your (BLU/RED) clone. 

(yes there is a second version of you in the opposing team)

-So what? Do you really think I care about it and let me set myself in all this? No you wrong. I have no intention of taking part in it. 

You said quietly drinking coffee. 

-It's all idiotic and funny. Besides, I have completely different plans for today.

-Refusal not accepted! 

Soldier shouted, getting up violently from the table. 

-Operation "Cupcake" plan B!

-Wait, plan B? What does it mean?

-It means, my dear, zhat time for negotiations is over. 

Medic said getting up from everyone at the table.

Something in your head told you to get up quickly and get away as far as possible. You refrained and slowly put down the empty coffee mug.

-Gentlemen. In this situation, I have only one thing to say. 

You said slowly getting up from the table. 

-Catch me if you can.

In the blink of an eye, you ran down the hall to the door outside.

You didn't have to wait long for the reaction of the others.

-Wait what!

-Catch her!

-Don't let her escape!

-Get. Her. Now! 

                                                        ***

So we come to the place of your hiding place. Ventilation was the only thing that came to your mind and you knew perfectly well that none of your colleagues could fit into it and Scout wouldn't come in here for anything. It's really dirty here. Your stomach was slowly asking for food. In the morning there was only coffee in it. You've been running away and hiding in different places all day, but someone has always tracked you.

The only thing left was to move forward. Somewhere there should be a way out.

"Maybe it is stupid but I don't intend to take part in this stupid photo session just to get angry (BLU/RED)." 

You thought, crawling forward slowly. 

"If they wanted to have a supermodel they could choose Scout. I don't even like taking pictures of myself."

Suddenly you felt that you hit your head in something big... and soft. Wait.

-Please, leave me alone, I don't even want to...

It can't be.

-Can I know graciously what you do in our ventilation? 

You asked (RED/ BLU) (y/n).

-Oh... It's just you. I was already thinking that it was them. 

She sighed.

-It still doesn't answer my question. Do you arrange any ventilation trips or something? 

You said in a sarcastic tone.

-Very funny. 

She snorted. 

-But if you need to know, I'm hiding from my "friends". 

-Let me guess, they didn't endure with you and they decided to send you back to Africa? 

You joked.

-What? No you idiot! Of course not. It's all because of this stupid content.

-Same.

Your contracts clearly stated that you have to kill each other, but on the other hand, in the current situation, the alliance was definitely a better option.

-Listen. I know I shouldn't say that but...

You bit into your lip. 

-... I suggest you cooperation.

(BLU/RED) (y/n) looked at you contemptuously. Maybe it wasn't the best idea...

-Ok, sure.

However, it was.

-But only until these variants are calmed down. How will it be?

You had no better idea.

-Okay, so you have a plan for what to do next?

She smiled arrogantly.

-I thought you had a plan, "commander". But yes, I already have something.

God, she's so annoying sometimes.

-Ventilation behind me leads to the exit from the back of the base. We'll get there first and then we'll be improvised. You go first.

-How do you know that nobody is waiting for us there, smart-ass?

-Jesus, you can trust me once. 

She said moving to make you a place.

“I'd rather not.” 

You thought, slowly moving forward.

Minutes stretched to infinity. You start wonder how long these ventilation shafts are. And how many of them are there? Breathing after you confirmed that your "ally" is right behind you. Still, you didn' t know where to hide after leaving the ventilation. Dirt and sweat run down your skin. It was good that it was dark, because you didn't want to know what your hands touching. You also smelled not very nice. In the end you saw a small patch of light in front of you.

Exit.

Through ventilation grilles you could see how the situation looks outside.

For now, clean.

Now you just have to trim the damper and you are free. The light outside, despite the time of day, was still blinding for someone who spent a few hours in the dark. You veiled your eyes to see better if someone isn't approaching.

-Okay, no one's here right now, what are we doing next...

You wanted to ask your new "friend" who should have already left this dark hole, but you didn't see her.

You saw instead Heavy and Demo from your team.

Fuck.

-Hey (y/n) what's up? 

Demo asked smiling. You began to slowly move back, but your big friend was faster.

-Not this time, my dear.

You felt strong arms grab your hips and suddenly you somehow found yourself being thrown over the back of Heavy.

-Please, let me go!

You started to fidget to slip out your "kidnapper".

-Aww... Don't worry, love, Ya're in good hands. Right? 

Demo patted you on the head.

-Da, Doctor and Spy promised that they would take good care of you. 

Heavy said going with Demo and you on his back towards the base.

-But when I don't want to. Let me go!  

You whined.

-Big guy do ya think she'll need a bath?" 

Cyclops asked ignoring you completely.

-I hate you all! 

Most of all this treacherous bitch. You could only hope that they will find her soon.                                                        ***

-Don't give me such a look (y/n). If you only wanted to cooperate, we wouldn't have to tie you up." 

Medic said setting the camera.

He and Spy have been preparing you for this session for over two hours. Spy even found a red dress and shoes, and Medic dressed you in, despite the fact that you bit him in the hand twice. You don't think he was mad at you.

Now you were sitting clean, fragrant and dressed (bound) in the chair in the Spy smoking room. While Scout was looking after you, the rest were decorating the background for you.

Great.

"Wonder how Spy got all those roses." 

You thought.

In fact, on the background made of golden net curtains, there were four garden baskets with red roses.

-I thought the background would be less elegant, Spy. 

You said looking at him. 

-After all, this picture would be on the cover of the mercenary magazine, wouldn't it?

-Oui mon cher. 

Spy said, applying the last corrections. 

-But if ‘ou didn't run away so soon zhis morning, ‘ou would know zhat zhe winner, except zhat his picture will get into zhe catalog, be interviewed.

-What !?

-Nozhing extraordinary (y/n). Zhis edition is especially because it’s aimed at people from outside. Specifically from nearby cities. 

Spy said, turning to face you. 

-Zhe point is for zhe residents to stop suing us.

You looked at him unconsciously.

-Why should I be in this picture?

Spy smiled and pulled out a cigarette.

-Because we ‘ave to show people zhat we're not a bunch of psychopaths who murder everything and everyone. 

He lit a cigarette. 

-We must present us as mercenaries who are fairly normal people and we need ‘our lovely and sweet person.

You felt you were blushing.

-I'm not cute Spy.

-Of course ‘ou are. 

He smiled at you. 

-Sweet and deadly.

You blushed even more.

-Aww... How sweet you look. 

Scout smiled.

-Ich zhink everything is ready. 

Medic said to Spy.

-Good, now (y/n) we'll solve ‘ou, and ‘ou won't run away, will ‘ou?

You sighed.

-Okay Spy, I won't run away.

-Shall we start now (y/n)?

You have nothing to lose, right?

-Let's start then.

The show must go on.

[trashforeverythingdotcom]

Vendetta

A/n: This one’s short, but oh well. Chapter 5 will be out soon, so yeah. I mean, yeah. Lmaooo, I suck. Anywho, love y’all no hetero/homo. TAke care of yourselves, and I hope you enjoy this short and lame ass chapter. I couldn’t help but notice that my finger did not leave the shift key quick enough and as a result, there was a capital A where there should not have been. I acknowledge my mistake. Will I do anything about it? No, it’s gonna stay there. :)

Warnings: bro, idfk.

Word count: 2690

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5

January 4th, 1926 Small Heath, Birmingham 08:27

The weather was quite cloudy that day, a little more than usual; the precipitation falling slowly from the sky in the form of snow. Whatever sun there was, managed to squeeze itself into his room via the window, and hit his eyes. John stirred around in his bed and groaned, he didn’t quite feel like getting up; getting up would mean that he would start his day. To start his day would mean that he would have to make his bed, pick some clothes out and put them on; he would have to leave his room, wake all his children up, deal with the noise, and clean their rooms up; he would then have to make his way toward the kitchen, cook breakfast for his children, and then wash all the dishes, including the pots and pans used to make the breakfast; and then he’d have to try and find someone to take care of his children while he was gone. He didn’t mind doing it. He really didn’t. It was just that last part that sucked out all the motivation he may have previously had to get up. 

Finding someone to take care of his children had proven itself to be a very difficult task. If he’d forgotten what it was like for him during his time as a single father, he was definitely remembering now that he got his membership at the Single Father Club renewed. For years, he didn’t have to cook everyday, clean everyday, --although he did help Esme clean sometimes, he didn’t have to clean everything everyday-- and then struggle to find someone that was willing to take care of his six children. Oh yes, at first, he almost forgot that he only had four children back then. 

John laid in bed, hugging his pillow, pressing it tight against his body as he debated when to get up. He thought about the different people he could ask, scanned through them. There was, of course, his aunt. He knew she didn’t mind, to a degree, but he didn’t want to ask. He wanted to sift through his options before having to beg her for the millionth time. There was Mrs. Evans. Actually, no. Mrs. Evans wasn’t an option. He just remembered that she died… a year ago. It was a heart attack that took her, she was in her sixties; a short and stout woman with wrinkles in every visible part of her body. Now that he started to think about her again, she wasn’t exactly a nice woman and even if she were alive, she still wasn’t much of an option. He’d taken his children to her once before. They annoyed the hell out of her. She wasn’t very good with kids. She told him never to bring them back to her and he never did. And now she was dead. There was Mrs. Russo who’d just recently moved into the neighbourhood, but he didn’t want to leave his children with an Italian. Considering that his family was at risk of being killed by Italians and she had just moved in and offered to take care of his kids, he wasn’t going to do that. It was too much of a coincidence to him. Why the hell did she want to be near his kids? Finally, he thought of Mrs. Lloyd, an older lady that lived next to him who had offered to help him take care of his children once. But that was about seven years ago, before his surprise wedding to Esme, before he had a total of six children. He wasn’t sure she’d be so willing to let him take her up on her offer, but he needed to ask anyway. If she turned him down, he’d just have no choice but to leave them with his aunt. 

He hadn’t budged from his spot after he made his choice. He laid there without the actual need to get up for another half hour, or so he thought. There was a knock at his front door. Still, he didn't move. It was when he heard the door get unlocked from the inside and creak open that he literally jumped out of bed, buck naked, and stormed out. Stood at the door, holding it open, was his son. On the other side, the outside, was his older brother, Thomas, who couldn't help but guffaw at the sight in front of him. When poor Connor tried to turn his head to see what was so funny, Tommy grabbed him and pulled him into a hug, holding his head against his chest to keep him from looking. "Do you not have manners? You open the door for me but you don't say hi or offer to let your dear uncle in?"

John took the opportunity to sneak back to his room and slip into whatever clothes he decided to wear for the day. He looked in his closet which was comprised of mostly suits and picked out some clothes he could wear around the house in the meantime. He slipped back out of his room, careful not to make too much noise, not wanting to wake the others just yet, and made his way over to the kitchen table. Sat at the kitchen table was his unexpected guest. “Sorry you had to see that.”

Thomas chuckled and raised his brow, “shit, I’m sorry, too. This had better be the last time, we’re not children anymore.”

“No one told you to watch mum change my diapers.”

“What about that time you came up to me to show me you could do the ‘windmill movement’?”

“I was eight.”

“And that time, not too long ago, when I caught you having sex--”

“No one told you to storm into my room without knocking. Everyone knows: if the door is closed, I’m doing things I don’t want people to see.” “I did knock and you told me to come in.”

“I said I was comin’, idiot.”

“Same thing.”

“What do you need, Tommy?”

The question caught his brother off-guard for a second, John could tell. Thomas could be very expressive when he chose to be; he asked the man what he meant by his question. He always asked questions, even when he knew the answer. It annoyed John sometimes, mainly when the questions were directed toward him. He didn’t like that his brother played stupid with him. He sighed and asked him what he really wanted to know, why he was at his home without prior notice. And, in an attempt to play nice, told him that he would have made him something to eat if he had known the man was stopping by; Tommy simply stated that he wasn’t hungry, not addressing the question that had now been asked twice in two different ways. John wasn’t one to let go of things so easily; he merely stared at the man sat in front of him until said man cracked. 

Which didn’t take very long, “as you well know, I didn’t take Grace’s death well.” John groaned, he really didn’t want to hear this; he really didn’t want to talk about this. He couldn’t believe his brother actually came over to his apartment to give him a talk about how to ‘properly grieve’ his dead wife. “Did Polly put you up to this?”

Thomas didn’t deny it, “yes, but I also believe it’s a conversation we need to have.”

John started to curse up a storm as Thomas droned on in an unsuccessful stab at either tuning his brother out or getting him to stop talking altogether. “I wanted to apologise for using Esme’s funeral to--”

“Tommy, I really don’t care.”

“I’m really sorry this happened--”

John was fuming at this point. “Tom, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass if it flew into my mouth. It’s done. I don’t want to talk about it, I don’t need to talk about it, and I don’t appreciate you pretending to care to listen to me talk about it. And, quite frankly, I don’t appreciate you waltzing in here, trying to talk to me about Grace’s death two years after the fact, when I was begging you to speak to me and all you wanted to do was yell at me and Arthur and tell us what to do and who fucking to kill. Which, I’ll have you fucking know, is how we ended up in this mess in the fucking first place. That is how I ended up without a fucking wife to talk to about my day, to take care of my children, to cook for me and wait for me to come home, to warm the other side of my bed and hold me as I sleep. It’s your fucking fault I have to do this shit alone all over again.”

Thomas tried to apologise once again, but John stopped him right in his tracks. “Don’t worry about it. As long as I get to kill the bastard who ordered it, I’ll be alright.”

The uninvited guest cleared his throat awkwardly and John started to moan and groan for the second time in the span of ten minutes. “What is it now? Are you going to fucking tell me that I can’t do that either?”

“You can’t,” he didn’t even bat an eye when his younger brother slammed his fist onto the table, then flipped the same table and kicked it away. He simply watched as the table slid swiftly to the other side of the kitchen that was connected to the living room. John was breathing heavily and audibly through his nostrils, looking everywhere but at the bearer of bad news; he kept his arms crossed to keep himself from abusing anything else. 

"May I ask why I can’t kill him?” he asked politely, though he still made it fairly clear he was very upset through the tone of his voice. 

"Because I've already promised to let someone else do that," John barely got to open his mouth before Thomas spoke again to confirm the identity of the person he'd made a promise to.

"That American bitch?"

"Yes, 'that American bitch' is going to be the one to kill him."

"And please, do tell me why a stranger takes precedence over your brother when that Italian bastard killed your brother's wife."

"Because it was part of a deal we made. We take over her gang and her business and she gets to kill Luca."

"Jesus."

"She also brought her brother and her cousins to help provide security for our factory at no cost to us."

"Everything is about fucking money for you, isn't it, Tommy? My fucking wife died, do you know what that means? That man killed our family and you're letting a complete stranger kill the fucker instead of your own brother? Are you fucking kidding me? Why does that bitch even want to kill him--?"

"Dad, we're hungry," his eldest son interrupted him, pointing toward his siblings who stood behind him.

John instantly piped down, embarrassed that his children had seen him upset like that. "Er, yes. I'll make you something to eat right now."

"Can Uncle Tommy cook for us instead?" Katie, his daughter from his marriage to Martha, requested. 

"You don't like my cooking?"

"Er... Well..."

"Did you not like the omelette with toast I made yesterday?"

"The toast was burnt, daddy."

"It was not burnt, it's supposed to be cooked like that…” After a mini-staredown with his daughter, he turned to face Thomas, the man he was beyond angry with not too long ago.  “I really need to get a maid."

“I can find you some good ones if you’d like.”

The Same Day 16:04

It had been a few hours since John dropped his kids off at Mrs. Lloyd’s house. He was shocked she agreed to babysit them and didn’t at all seem unsettled with the fact that she was going to be caring for five running devils and one troublesome toddler; but he appreciated her help. After spending those hours, running around the factory and working there, John suggested that he and his brothers should make their way to the Garrison pub and spend some time together. And while he thought he was being slick, Tom knew exactly why he was so eager to go there. He’d have had to have been impaired to all his senses to not even guess it. John wasn’t the type to immediately bounce back from an argument or from being angry. If he wasn’t pleased, everyone knew he wasn’t pleased; when he didn’t have reason to save face, of course. 

They walked there, smiling and laughing and joking. All the while, John’s mind lingered on one thing and one thing only. He thought it was only fair. If he was being robbed of the chance to kill the man who’d ordered the death of his family, he’d want to know why. Why was this stranger coming into his life and ruining his opportunity to get closure? What made her problems more important than his? And then one little thought slipped into his mind, did she really want to kill him? Now he really wanted to know. 

They walked in there, giddy and laughing and joking, save for one. John’s face fell at the sight of her, but he quickly fixed that by propping up a fake smile when Arthur glanced at him. “Whiskey for the three of us!” The eldest brother requested as he dragged the other two into the room they had on permanent reserve for themselves. Y/n got right on it, grabbing three glasses and pouring the requested beverage into each one of them, walking toward the room once she was done. “Bring the bottle!” She heard him yell again. She walked in anyway, dropping off the glasses and letting them know she’d bring the bottle as was ordered. 

Y/n noticed something was off when she walked in for the second time with the bottle. The three men were all quiet and two were staring straight at her. She set the glass bottle down on the table. Then, she questioned whether they wanted something else. The excessive staring was getting on her nerves and a third set of eyes, John’s, joined in to make it worse.

Arthur seemed to be upset by something. What is was, she had no clue. She could only assume Thomas and/or John told him something to bring down his mood. Regardless, it was none of her business. Arthur broke the silence, “I’d like to know why you should be Luca’s executioner when my brother’s just lost his wife?”

She ignored Arthur; she didn’t feel like explaining herself to anyone, nor did she feel as if she had to. There was nothing to explain. She wanted what she wanted, made one hell of an offer for her want and that was it. Plain and simple. Nevertheless, she smiled at Thomas, gently grabbing and using her right index finger to draw circles on his hand before speaking in a soft tone. “So, Tommy darlin’, was my offer not enough for y’all?”

“Apparently not,” the tall man cleared his throat and rolled his eyes; lifting his glass up to his lips before taking a swig of his whiskey.

“Oh, how disappointing. My guys are probably tired, I think I’m gonna go check on them now, bring ‘em back home. They’re gettin’ real homesick, ya know?” She let go of his hand and gave Thomas a look. A look he somehow knew the meaning of. A look that told him to get his brothers to stop prying into her personal business and to be grateful they were receiving any form of help from her in the first place or she’d pull out and they’d be scrambling for more help for no reason. And she was back at the bar, serving whomever else walked in and asked for drinks. It seemed as though Thomas heeded her warning: she watched John angrily storm out as she poured some drinks for a group of young men.

[theambivalent]

Q & A

Recently I asked people in my IG story to submit Questions for a blog post. I had some interesting questions regarding veganism, comics and shows. 

Here are my answers 🙂  

Why are your IG stories getting more ‘vegan aggressive’?

So, before I went vegan, I used to hate vegans who were vocal, although I was never confronted personally by them... which, looking back now, I think was unfair. The mere notion of veganism was annoying because why? Because people were spreading memes about vegans who constantly announce they’re vegan? Even though I personally never witnessed that? Or... maybe because that was the thing that everyone does – single out the one that is different... I mean, I made absolutely no sense.  

I told myself when I first made the decision to go vegan, I'm not going to be the one everyone makes fun of. I hid my diet from my co-workers, and intentionally tried my hardest to NOT be vocal about it. And you know what? The second anyone found out about it, I was still criticized. ...STILL.

I didn’t realize how much vegans get criticized until I became one and people noticed it.  

I was constantly told...

If I happened to be tired one day –It's because I’m vegan, rather than my lack of caffeine

If my head ached – it's because I’m vegan, rather than being dehydrated

When I noticed a gray hair –because I'm vegan –like age has nothing to do with it?

So finally, I decided to not only confront those people who were putting me down because of my lifestyle, I started standing against them. I’m not picking fights with random people. I always show respect to those who respect me. However, when people are trying to back me into a corner, I will fight back, as anyone else would.  

I'm defending myself from those who criticize my life, and that’s something that I've never been confident enough to do until recently, because I've just always had social anxiety.  

In some occasions, I speak out against influencers who are making it seem like veganism is unhealthy for their own benefit – not to start drama – but because I feel it’s really hurting the movement and that could be disastrous for animal liberation. I really don’t draw my claws out unless I sense hostility.  

Otherwise, I'm a humble person, who understands that not everyone can see past the constant advertisements, posters, magazine ads and billboards that glorify the meat & dairy industry, and are shoved in our faces on a daily basis... after all, they are literally every-fucking-where … and I was once under that thrall myself because of that. So, I can sympathize.  

Do you prefer Beyond Burger or Impossible Burger?

Without hesitation I would choose Beyond Burger.

When I first tried both burger patties, I got a bit weirded out, because their texture, taste, and even the way it ‘bleeds’ just tastes and feels like real meat- it's kind of scary... for that reason, I don’t eat burgers too often.  

But overall, I love the thickness of the patty, taste and texture of Beyond Burgers way better.

I don’t really consider Impossible Burger to be vegan - I only consider it plant-based.  

Now, what the hell does that mean?  

It is Plant based because there are no animal products in it... But I don’t consider them cruelty free, or vegan, because they do test on animals when there’s absolutely no need to. Animal testing = Animal torture. They have verbally stated that they’re catering to the meat-eating population and have served actual dairy based cheeses with their product while lying about it. [see link here for details: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zoibL0mtkk ]

I do believe that [Impossible Foods] are trying to do a genuinely good thing by introducing a plant-based food to meat eaters, I just can’t take a bite out of an impossible burger now, without the thought in the back of my head of lab rats being exploited just so I can eat this. I have no problem with those who eat their products, that’s just how I personally feel.

That being said, even before Impossible foods changed their policy to include animal testing, I still considered Beyond Burger to be the better of the two, again due to the patty thickness and overall taste.

As a possible alternative, I hear the brand LIGHTLIFE is introducing burger patties too, so that’s another option for people who like the ‘realistic’ burger patties.

How do you feel about the comment that pesticides/herbicides and the plant harvesting machines kill small animals and therefore a plant-based diet still kills animals?

So, the thing about veganism is that less animals die as a result of that lifestyle change. So, allow me to yeild the question...What’s worse? Your standard American diet that contributes to billions upon billions of animals being raped, slaughtered, skinned & exploited for our fashion and taste buds...? ...or a plant based vegan diet where a few small animals and insects might be harmed by pesticides?  On the other hand a large percentage of the crops being grown are meant to feed the animals being sent to slaughter, so I really don’t see how this evens the odds here.

Of course, if there were a way to do this without harming even a fly, any vegan would opt for that option – and should that option arise, trust me, I –and most vegans- will make that change. But I personally think that using that to ‘refute’ the lifestyle- which some people do- is ridiculous & idiotic.

I’ve recently started growing my own strawberries, broccoli, limes, peppers and asparagus to take those items off my grocery list, and imo, they taste way better, and are not treated with pesticides. That only knocks a tiny percentage off my menu items list though...

Since my yard size is quaint & small, it’s not practical for me to create an entire home farm to feed myself when I can just go to the grocery store.  

How do you feel about the “ex-vegan" youtubers?

I think it’s very upsetting to have viewers being lied to by their influencers- some of whom stopped being vegan a long time ago, and lied about it for financial gain. It is disrupting the growth in the movement.

Most of these ‘ex-vegans’ have similar things in common:  

raw diets -a dangerous practice-  

Vegan for extreme weight-loss

alkaline water every single day

Juice detoxes for unreasonable amount of time

Did not take medication for gut health, then blamed said ailment on veganism

Water fasting for weeks at a time – with no food at all

Didn't consume enough calories

NONE of their videos talk about doing it for Animals

Over-restricted themselves, often only eating one thing, like papaya for example, for days at a time

The main issue here, is they weren’t eating well, and as a result got sick.  

To be clear... you can get sick from ANY DIET if you’re not getting the nutrients you need.  

Meat eaters, vegans, vegetarians, ... seriously whatever your diet may be– make sure you get the nutrients you need!

But the issue here is that they didn’t take responsibility for spreading the ‘weight-loss propaganda’ and pseudo medicine practices that got them sick in the first place, lied about not feeling well for the sake of their businesses, then proceeded to take money from people buying their programs... while they were feeling sick and potentially making other people sick! ...And none of them have given any refunds for their “meal plans”.

From the veganism movement point of view, the fact that they’re blaming everything on veganism, rather than their dangerous nutrient-lacking practices, is turning every one they’ve influenced away from veganism.  

Most of their influencers who genuinely wanted to go vegan for animals who could have gotten sick from these disgusting practices, are not only having failing health, but also feel helpless that they couldn’t do what they intended for animal liberation... and that’s very disappointing and makes me sad.

Vegan zombie made a video that shares my sentiments.  

See it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sK_pySNNFK0

Adding to that, how do you feel about the Raw Alignment Interview video?

So, the funny thing about this video is that she got caught in a lie... and she used this interview to sort of justify that lie, and then proceeds to reveal that she was lying some more.  

check these comments below:

********************************************************************************

First, she says she stopped being plant-based 3 months prior, then 7 months (September). Another youtuber actually has proof that she messaged her asking about doing less vegan videos on her channel 2 years ago....??? Which she actually denies in this interview. Huh?  ...and then she admits she lied to a fellow vegan because she wasn’t ready to be ‘outed’? ..what?

I still feel left in the dark, and there are way too many contradictions in this video.  What she wanted to be a ‘redemption’ video turned into a sloppy attempt to hide more lies.

On top of that - the guy conducting the interview, claims to be a moderator, and yet is also an ex-vegan who believes that all vegans have digestive issues and are masking it to promote the movement.... um... huh? it’s completely one-sided.

The problem I have with this, is she’s justifying the practice of lying to her audience. IMO, that’s not fair to her audience, whether it has to do with veganism or not, because thousands of her followers were following her advice of only eating avocado with chips for a week straight or water fasting... she’s making people sick... and getting paid for it. It is very upsetting... I hate it when people lie, even more so when the health of other people are at risk.  

See interview video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcV4rUhitPI&t=1052s

What would you tell people who are afraid of going plant-based because of this “ex-vegan" drama?

I would say, do your research! Don’t follow just anyone on YouTube and blindly do as they say. You'll notice most of these fake influencers will tell you to eat one way because it ‘feels good’ rather than saying, ‘hey, this study from world health org proved this is good for you’.

I would also say, don’t be afraid! It's been proven so many times that plant-based foods are healthier and promote optimum health. The CDC, and the WHO have consistently found that meat, dairy and eggs contribute to high cholesterol, diabetes, & heart disease. Meanwhile, a vegan diet includes zero cholesterol, and has been shown to reverse heart disease!

I think a great YouTube channel to look out for is Gojiman because he’s got the nutrition education to give advice and is great at explaining why’s and the how’s. See his channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8zKmTVcs5s3IIR2DVlxfzA/videos

Also, when keeping in mind which influencers to follow – pay attention to the ones who talk about the animals. The ones that aren’t vegan mainly for health/weight-loss, tend to promote a way of eating that contains more daily nutrients and calorie intake. It's just a trend I’ve noticed.

Also, I have a lovely playlist of reactions, recipes, and detailed information on the lifestyle you can check out here:  

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLcJhPHQwnc_pcg0yQn2rMKPxAMcRLx4BR

Do you have family/friends who aren’t vegan? And how do you deal with them?

Yes! Lots! Haha; and I don’t really ‘deal with them’ in any way.  

They are aware that my husband and I are vegan, and they do joke about it.  

We take no offense, and usually they lay off when we don’t give a reaction.  

I have had talks with my parents about introducing more plants into their diets because they’re getting older and are trying to be healthier, but I don’t over-impose anything on them. I take vegan foods and they at least try them, which is awesome! They’re my family and I'll always care about them no matter what they eat.

When we have parties with friends, I usually bring something vegan, and they’ll try it and most of the time will love it and go back for seconds.  

It's actually not uncommon for vegans to have family and friends who are not vegan.  

So long as there is mutual respect for one another (at least vocally lol), we all get along quite nicely.  

I honestly don’t think I've met a real vegan who doesn’t genuinely care about someone who eats meat.

We're really not a judgmental bunch - I think that’s one of the things people assume about vegans, and it’s completely untrue.  

What is your favorite healthy meal???

Healthy meal... I love Buddha bowls! They're so easy to make and you can make several variations.

My fave Buddha bowl would consist of roasted Sweet potato wedges, quinoa with lime & hot sauce, sautéed edamame, and grilled kale with avocado ….and a sh*t ton of sriracha.  

It’s super filling and is a good source of iron, protein, potassium, magnesium, niacin, folate, lutein, beta-carotene, B vitamins, Vitamin A, B6, E, C, K, Calcium, riboflavin, phosphorus, and Omega 3 fatty acids.  

No joke- it contains all those nutrients, I just looked it up! 

The best thing is that you can make so many different versions of the Buddha Bowl, and I change it up every time!

I never opt for organic foods or gluten free... I just don’t really feel it making a difference in my body, or taste, so why not go for the more affordable items?

What is your favorite vegan junk food?

Pizza – hands down! Although I could order that in, I still love making it from scratch at home - I just love knowing exactly how much of what is going into it.  

We usually do plain cheese using ‘Follow Your Heart’ Parmesan, which melts really well, but every so often, I'll endulge and get some vegan pepperoni from the market.

My husband loves sweets, and I love savory... so, while my fave junk foods include vegan burgers, pizza, corn dogs, hot dogs, tamales, veg jerky.... his favorites include vegan donuts, cinnamon rolls, cakes, and pan dulce.

Do you miss any food since going vegan?

There is honestly a vegan version of anything these days... I'd have to say there isn’t anything I miss.

I've had vegan tamales, pozole, tacos, birria, bolillos, pan dulce, elotes and so much more (yes, I'm mexican- can you tell?).

The only thing I was missing for a while were hot cheetos, but last year I discovered a brand called ‘peatos’ which doesn’t exclusively make vegan chips, but their fiery hot flavor is vegan and fill the void it my heart that cheetos left …. so no. I'm not missing anything at all.

What’s your all-time favorite batman comic story arc?

Okay, so this is a complicated question... one of my top faves is ‘The Long Halloween’ because of the ending.  

Who knew Barbara Gordon could be so evil at a time when the Gotham series wasn’t out yet? That twist gets me everytime I re-read it!

I could easily say I love Crisis on Infinite Earths, Batman Hush, Death in the family, Superman Red Son, Under the Red Hood.... seriously my list is pretty long... but, I have to be completely me honest and some might hate me for saying this, but I actually do love the Flashpoint story arc. 

Flashpoint is kind of a touchy subject because it brought about the new 52 issues that divided some fans.  

But when you isolate the story of Flashpoint, it really gets insane, I mean, it wasn’t just thrown together for the sake of rebooting the universe. Barry Allen had a reason to try to change the past – his love for his mother.  

It sets off a course of events that creates an alternate reality where Bruce Wayne actually dies in the alley with his Mother and His Father, Thomas Wayne was the sole survivor of the mugging, leaving him to be an older, vengeful, blood-thirsty, gun-slinging Batman... and it’s just a nice contrast to the Batman we’ve always seen.  

Sure, take the costume away, and he’s basically the Punisher, but what makes this different, is that we don’t see Batman under that light very often.

Tie in the Amazon war against Atlantis and ...omg, does the drama ensue!  

Plus, that touching letter that Thomas writes to his son, that Bruce gets to read at the end …*cry* it’s so sweet! 

How are you liking the Titans & Doom Patrol series?  

So just so you know, DC Universe online is SO WORTH IT if you are into classic shows/movies and love to read comics – they have a huge collection you can read at your leisure. And the new series that they’re producing are all looking amazing!  

Okay, back to the shows....

I’m going to jump on Titans first...

BEAST BOY

OMG, they mention veganism with Beast Boy! Way to represent! Beast Boy has been a favorite of mine ever since the original teen titans animated series ...I’m going to be honest and admit here that I haven’t read any of the Titans comics before watching that series.  

I love his inclusion in the Doom Patrol. He is well written, with the exception of only being able to turn into a tiger for some reason? I’m hoping that in later seasons, he’ll somehow harness the power to change into tons of other animals as he does in every other incarnation of the character. It’s also weird that he’s not always green...? But appearance isn’t as important as his development. We see his struggles with his powers, especially when he kills someone as a tiger, and how he copes with that. His relationship with Raven feels authentic and for some reason not at all creepy, even though she looks like she’s 10 years younger than him. 

RAVEN

Raven is a bit of a different story, she dwelled further from the comics than usual... not knowing that she is part demon or who her father is, and not having the knowledge of where she’s from is different than the Raven stories that we’re used to... so it takes a while to get used to that idea – not to say that the show fails... but it’s a bit difficult to retrain your brain with these things sometimes. She seems exceedingly whiny at first, until I realized she’s just a teenager, and teenagers, let’s just face, can be very whiny indeed. We’re so used to seeing her as a ‘hardened’ persona; monotone and serious. This show, it feels like they just grabbed a normal girl and put makeup and a wig on her ...and- voila! She's Raven. It’s out of character, but for the sake of the storyline, it actually somehow works. 

ROBIN

Robin shows a fairly dark side that I think we’ve only seen in comics thus far; he is trying to prove himself capable of going solo and as a result tries to disassociate himself from Batman, stating that he doesn’t want to get to the tipping point that he believes Bruce has. I love his history with Dove and the struggle to strive to the best while keeping his head down. I like that he gets to see vigilantes from the cops’ point of views when they put down the idea of Robin coming into their neighborhood. He's a lot more well-rounded here with a bit more history, too. Not only are the Flying Graysons part of his story, but his love life and relationship with Batman play a vital role in his development.  

STARFIRE

At first glance of Star Fire, I had mixed reactions... “I hate that costume”, “why is she wearing fur?”, “why is her skin not orange?” ...and yes, some of that still kinda-sorta bothers me, but little by little, they’re bringing more of her backstory to light as the season progresses, and she ended up being one of my favorite characters.

I still think she should be able to fly, and I do miss how disconnected she is with human culture in other renditions of the character. But once again, this show makes it work, and I love it! 

Also, it looks like next season will give us a more comic-book inspired look to Starfire - so I can’t wait to see how that will turn out.

CYBORG

Why TF isn’t Cyborg in this?!

Oh... he’s in Doom Patrol?! 

So DOOM PATROL, is an interesting series... it’s weird, and just so random, and I actually really love it!

Anything that brings more of the lesser known comic characters will always be something I'd be interested in.

But the fact that this show is just as ridiculous as the comics, I think, is amazing.  

I mean, they gave us a donkey is being used as a portal...  go in the donkey’s mouth, and out his butt?  

A bunch of bad guys made of  dead skin and letters that were never sent...

Using beads dipped in sriracha for a protection spell...

You can’t get more ridiculous that that! This is typically something you only see in comic books and I love that it’s something that they don’t worry about making more realistic on this show, and that’s something that most show runners don’t take a risk in doing.

I can’t really dwell too much on this because I am not completely caught up with the show... but I definitely will be soon!

TITANS & DOOM PATROL – both great shows worth watching!

How excited are you for the JOKER movie?

I don’t think I could possibly be more excited. Joaquin Phoenix is an amazing actor (and vegan)!  

From the trailer it looks like they might be going with the Joker origin story from ‘The Killing Joke’?

However, I think it will purely be based on the development of the joker because it doesn’t look like they’re going to fast forward to the future where he shoots batgirl (and maybe rapes her?) and kidnaps Jim Gordon, and tries to make him break down.... at least nothing relating to that appeared on the trailer, but I guess we’ll have to wait until October to see.

What shows are you watching right now?

Other than Doom Patrol?

On HBO, I watch Veep & Barry and  ...in about a week, I'll be watching Game of Thrones – the anticipation is KILLING me!

On Netflix... I’ve seen part one of the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina ...I love the satanic visuals- so cool! Will be watching Part 2 soon.  

I also love the Punisher series, but we all know that’s not renewed – but it’s fun to re-watch.  

LOVE DEATH & ROBOTS is a great one that has beautiful animation and well, written short stories. 

I often go and re-watch ‘the office’ and the series ‘you’ as well.

Spanish shows I like include ‘Club de Cuervos’ & ‘Diablero’ 

Any new comics recommendations?

Border Town! Omg, I love it!  

Not going to explain... just go read it! ...you’ll see!  

I love writing reactions and answers to questions.

Thanks to those who contributed their questions on IG  

~Ambivalent Thought

[pizza-is-my-buziness]

1

It’s funny how the impulse strikes her.

She and Mal are doing exactly what they always do, which is to say: nothing. Not that there’s much to do on the Isle, not really. Sure there’s mischief to cause, trouble to get into, and she always needs to be on hand to supervise Mal’s latest attempts to make her mother proud. But even still, Evie doesn’t feel like they ever really do anything, not like their parents used to, not like the stories that her mother told her when she was a little girl.

Instead of cursing entire kingdoms and whipping up magic and spells, Evie and Mal just…wander. They steal, they taunt, they tease, and Evie thinks all of it is okay, really, because she’s doing nothing with Mal.

Mal is walking beside her, boots kicking up dust from the hardpacked roads in the marketplace and she smirks before reaching out, lightning fast, to take something from a basket on one of the stalls. She holds it out to Evie with a “ta da” like she’s just taken gold or priceless jewels.

It’s only an apple, though shinier and less rotted than the ones that Evie is used to seeing. Evie takes it and Mal shrugs a shoulder. “Seemed fitting,” she says with a smirk, her eyes flicking toward the pendant that always hangs from Evie’s neck.

Evie looks at the apple in her hands and that’s when the impulse strikes her, suddenly and out of the blue.

The impulse to kiss Mal.

She’s certainly never thought about it before and the idea makes her cheeks and her chest hot and she turns her head away quickly, holding tightly to the apple in her hands. She can’t bring herself to look at Mal, can’t bring herself to see if, somehow, Mal has guessed the thought that has just flown through her mind.

Though, Evie thinks that’s not right. Flown isn’t the right word. That implies that it’s come and gone.

No, the right word is taken root. The idea has definitely taken root in her mind, sunk its claws in, repeating itself endlessly. What if you kiss her, what if you kiss her, what if-

Evie swallows and shakes her head, trying to push the thought away. Suddenly, all she wants to do is kiss Mal.

But she doesn’t, because she’s afraid of what might happen next.

2

From Mal’s room in the Bargain Castle, it’s possible to see almost everything on the Isle. Though, the Isle is not what Evie usually spends her time looking at when she’s up here. She lingers by the open window, her palms resting against the stones as she leans forward, wistful and full of longing as she studies the sky that stretches out above them.

The stars, thousands of them, twinkle overhead.

It’s by far the most beautiful sight on an island full of trash and other people’s throwaway things.

Aside from the girl lounging on the bed behind her, of course.

“Do you ever wonder about the stars?” Evie finds herself asking before she can talk herself out of such a ridiculous question.

For a second, the scratching of Mal’s pencil against her sketchbook is the only answer that she gets. Which is fine, Evie figures, because she doesn’t really know what she expects Mal to say anyway. Evie is the only person she knows who daydreams about the sky above rather than the evil on the Isle.

But then Mal says, “Wonder about what?” and her pencil stops, so Evie knows that she has her full attention.

Evie turns away, shrugging, sheepish. “Nothing, I guess. Just…” Her eyes feel pulled back to the sky, to the stars. “Just what they are. Where they come from. What makes them twinkle.”

“I want to know what makes them magic,” Mal tells her, getting off the bed and coming to join Evie by the window. “Why do some people’s wishes come true but not mine?”

Evie’s brow furrows and she feels a tightness in her throat, a pull in her chest. “Mal-”

It’s the first time since the day in the market that she’s thought about kissing her.

Well, that’s not entirely true. It’s not the first time. But it’s the first time that she sincerely considers it.

Mal smiles, waving the conversation away, as though it were so easy to get rid of the words. “That was dumb, huh,” she says, shaking her head. “Anyway, I think if there’s anyone around this dump smart enough to figure out what makes the stars twinkle, it’s you, E.”

It’s hard, in that moment, not to lean forward and kiss Mal. To tell her that she sees the stars twinkling in her eyes too.

This moment between them, this quiet understanding, a gentle solidarity, is almost perfect enough. Evie doesn’t want to do anything to risk ruining it.

3

Life on Auradon is just different. It’s bright and sparkly and soft and there’s always, always enough of everything. Sometimes Evie almost can’t believe it, how much there is, how opulent the curtains and carpets and the upholstery. How there’s a bed big enough for two -or three- but only one person is expected to sleep in it and there are extra pillows…pillows that simply get tossed to the floor each night when it’s time for bed.

There’s always plenty of paper and pencils for school work, dozens and dozens and dozens of books in the library that are free to borrow. The fabrics and silks and ribbon and yarn and thread never seems to be in short supply, whether it be on her classmates or in Evie’s own hands, ready to be cut and stitched and made into something new.

But what Evie can’t get over, what baffles her the most, is the sheer amount of food. There’s food everywhere she looks: loaded on buffet tables, offered in small dishes on desks and tables, set out in the sun for lavish parties. Foods that she’d never imagined could be real: sweets and chocolates and fruits and pastries and breads that crunch and crackle when you pick them up. And none of it, not a single thing, is rotten or old or moldy or bruised.

Though, Evie figures, it’s not the amount of food that baffles her the most. It’s how the kids in Auradon react to it. They don’t seem to notice, don’t understand what they have in front of them. At Auradon Prep, in the massive cafeteria, they have different options of what to eat but they seem unbothered by the choice, even bored by it at times.

Evie, for one, can’t get over the novelty of being able to look at everything and pick what she wants. She can’t get used to the fresh, clean, crisp tastes of things when she bites into them. She can’t resist the urge to grab a few things off her trays, small things that she couldn’t possibly eat when her stomach is already so full, and slip them into her pockets, the way she used to do back home. What the kids here at Auradon Prep don’t seem to realize is that whenever the VKs were swiping food from the market, it wasn’t for the thrill of the act, but because they had parents who were far from concerned about whether their children ate that night.

It doesn’t really occur to her that, to someone who has lived their entire life in Auradon, that her habit of hiding food in her bag or pockets is far from normal.

Until, of course, Evie has the irrefutable evidence of this fact.

Audrey notices her pocketing an extra roll and smirks, lifting her eyebrows and narrowing her eyes. “Are you stealing food?” She asks, just loud enough to catch the attention of the rest of the people sitting near them.

Mal looks up from her Goodness homework and for some reason it’s her attention that make Evie’s cheeks color. “I…no…I was…”

“Yes, you were,” Audrey persists, her words catching the attention of Jane and Jordan and Chad, who is carrying it tray over to the table. “I just saw you.” She rolls her eyes. “That’s how we get rats, you know. Though, I guess, you would know all about rats…”

Suddenly Chad drops his tray, spilling his soup and salad on Audrey. She shrieks, hopping to her feet, tomato soup dripping down the front of her dress. “Chad!”

“It wasn’t me!” Chad sputters quickly, looking down at his tray, utterly baffled.

Mal smiles, getting to her feet. “Seems like you need to worry more about your own food situation, Audrey.” She looks at Evie with a wink, tilting her chin toward the door. “Let’s get out of here, E.”

Evie hurries after her, quickly tossing the contents of her pockets into the trashcan on her way out. She swallows, wanting to say something to Mal, but the words seem thick on her tongue, her throat too tight to conjure a single sentence.

Mal loops her arm through Evie’s, tugging her in the direction of the library. “For someone so good at sports, you would think Chad wouldn’t be so clumsy.”

Evie looks at her, mustering a smile. It hardly reflects the explosion going off in her chest, hardly reflects the gratitude she feels for Mal in that moment. “Thanks,” she says, which doesn’t seem like enough either.

Again, she thinks about kissing her. She wants to, more than she ever has before.

She settles instead for squeezing her hand.

4

“When we get Ben back, I’m going to stay here.”

It’s the first thing that Mal has said in what feels like ages, though Evie has always thought that time on the Isle passes slower than it does anywhere else. It’s odd being back here, pacing the floor of the hideaway the way she’s done so many times before. Everything about the Isle is exactly the way that she remembers it: dirty, dark, small, cold.

The only bright spot is Mal, which is something else that hasn’t changed.

Evie turns in Mal’s direction, studying Mal as she stands by the window. This time, she’s the one looking out, studying the Isle around them. Looking for something? Or just refusing to look at Evie?

“M,” Evie says, folding her hands together, “just because you and Ben are having a rough time it doesn’t mean-”

Mal scoffs, shaking her head. Still, she refuses to look over at the other girl. “We aren’t having a rough time, E,” she says. “That’s all things have been with Ben. Rough. Weird. Just…not me.”

Evie joins Mal at the window and it’s easy for her to rest her hand on Mal’s shoulder, to form that small bit of contact between them. “You’re still you.”

Mal shakes her head once more. “You might be the only person who thinks that,” she says. “I don’t even think I’m me anymore.”

Evie feels the tightness in her chest, the inability to say what she wants, to uncertainty of what she even should say to Mal. It seems impossibly cruel that Mal has always been there for her, always known exactly what she’s needed and what to say, and now that Evie has the chance to do the same, she can’t even open her mouth.

“You’re still you,” Evie says again. “You’re exactly the person you’ve always been. Brave and wonderful and smart. There’s nothing wrong with who you are.”

The words tumble out of her mouth before Evie can really think about them, though they’re entirely true. The exact sort of thing she’s been wanting to say to Mal for a long time.

Mal smiles, her eyes twinkling like the stars Evie used to spend so much of her time looking at. “Evie-”

“And besides,” Evie interrupts breezily, “if you’re going to stay here, so will I.” When Mal starts to protest, Evie shakes her head. “Why would I want to be on Auradon when you aren’t there?”

There’s so much she could say to Mal, so much she could admit: that Mal is the only thing that made the Isle bearable, that she did the same for Auradon, that she’s realized that home can be a person, not necessarily a place. And that if Mal is going to stay here, in this place, then Evie would gladly give up the glittering abundance of Auradon to follow her.

“Evie,” Mal says but then stops, as though that’s enough, as though her name is a complete thought all on its own. She reaches up, her fingers brushing Evie’s hair over her shoulder before lingering against her cheek for the briefest of moments. “What would I do without you?”

Their eyes meet, and Evie can feel it there between them, a sudden sharpness, a pop of electricity. The certainty that if she were to lean forward, Mal would meet her halfway.

That she could finally, finally, kiss her, like she’s wanted to do for so long.

But Mal’s words ring through her mind, the gratefulness at having Evie there with her, always there.

And suddenly Evie is too afraid to lean forward, to move closer, to press their lips together. Too afraid to do anything that might make her lose Mal.

Instead, Evie shifts backward just enough to sever the electricity between them, to make Mal’s hand fall away. “Well, you’ll never have to know,” she says instead with a smile that she doesn’t feel.

5

It’s an impulse that Evie has gotten used to by now, one that she’s gotten used to taming, suppressing. The impulse to kiss Mal.

Sometimes, it strikes her at the strangest moments, often when they’re not doing anything at all. When nothing special is happening, when everything is normal, mundane, average.

Like sitting in chemistry with Mal beside her, working on an experiment for Professor Merlin’s class. The teacher has a reputation for being a bit of a mad scientist, for distributing chemicals and supplies and instructions at random and judging his students based on their ability to create something with the odds-and-ends that they’ve been given.

Evie is determined to get something to produce a result, just once. She’s certain that her mother would lose her mind if she could see her right now: brow furrowed in concentration (the wrinkles, Evie!), hair pulled away from her face (you shouldn’t wear your hair back, it makes your features too sharp), plastic goggles in place (hideous! No one could look good in such a thing), mixing and measuring the things in the beakers (you might singe off an eyebrow, or worse!). Not that it matters, because she has a mission and Mal beside her in matching goggles, putting a blind trust in her that Evie isn’t sure that she deserves.

“This should produce a bioluminescent substance when I add the last little bit of this compound,” Evie says, beaker in hand. “It should create a self-sustaining glow that will last for several hours. Or it could blow us both up.”

Mal nods, leaning closer to the Bunsen burner. “Let’s do it.”

Evie smiles and only half closes her eyes as she adds in the last remaining element to the mixture they’ve created.

It doesn’t explode, which Evie considers the first win of this situation.

And it starts glowing, exactly like she’s hoped that it would. And Professor Merlin is almost impressed, which is almost more exciting than the fact that she and Mal didn’t blow everyone up.

“Nice!” Mal says when the professor goes off to snap at Jay and Carlos and their smoking experiment. “You did it.”

She holds up a hand and Evie high-fives her, grinning. Something else she knows that her mother would not approve of.

It’s mundane, boring, perfectly normal: her palm against Mal’s, Mal smiling at her, the slightly acrid smell of burning chemicals in the air.

But Evie wants to kiss Mal right there beside their glowing compound, right in front of everyone, until it feels like they’re the only two people in the room. In all of Auradon.

She doesn’t, but it’s a nice thought.

+1

“It’s pretty cool, right?” Mal says, tipping her head back to look at the sky above them. “You can see, like, a million more stars here than you could in Auradon.”

Evie thinks that she might be right. From their spot on the Turney field, the comforter from Mal’s bed spread out beneath them, Evie thinks that is really is possible to see millions and millions of stars. In Auradon, it seems like they have an abundance of stars too, not that Evie is going to complain.

“It’s beautiful,” she breathes, her eyes traveling across the pinpricks of light burning impossibly far away. “Did you know that it takes so long for the light of the stars to reach us that most of these stars have already died and aren’t even burning anymore? So it’s almost like we’re stuck forever in the past.”

Mal shakes her head, studying Evie with a half-smile on her face. “Did you ever figure out what makes them twinkle?”

Evie brightens, turning her attention toward Mal. “Yes, actually, it’s-” She stops herself, looking into Mal’s eyes. Even here, they seem to shine the brightest. “Magic.”

“I thought so,” Mal says with a serious nod. “What’s that saying about when you wish upon a star?”

Evie smiles. “Wouldn’t it be nice if it really was that easy? Just wish on a star and,” she snaps her fingers, “granted.”

“What would you wish for?” Mal asks her.

There’s only one possible answer to that question.

“You.”

Mal smiles and suddenly Evie is the opposite of afraid, of uncertain, of unsure. Suddenly, she knows this is exactly what she is supposed to be doing.

And so, she leans forward and Mal meets her in the middle and their lips meet and it’s like seeing the millions of stars in the sky overhead.

Only so much better.  

[alliebruns-blog]

Rat Race Recce Report: Subterranean Snowdon

Now a few if you may know my feelings about cycling. Cyclists are cheats, bikes are cheat machines, some of them poo in their lycra, horse attacking half wits etc. but that didn’t stop me from from biting Jim’s arm off when he asked if I wanted to come to Snowdonia to recce one of the new Rat Race Projects - ‘Subterranean Snowdon’. 

I’ve done Snowdon a few times - Snowdon trail Marathon, Snowdon Ultra etc, but this promised to be more than trotting up a mountain and stumbling down again. 

Sometimes it pays to be short....

The premise is that you start of half a mile underground in the old mines at Llanberis. You make your way up to the surface and jump on a mountain bike (gross) for 15 miles to the foot of Snowdon then run up the Watkin Path- possibly the most technically difficult way up - its’ got ridges  and drops and all sorts. You know how I like a ridge right? (Spoiler - I don’t). Once you get to the top you run down the other side and then abseil down 3-5 waterfalls to the bottom. Sounds fun right? Looks good on paper right? Reality is it’s the most exhilarating, exciting and terrifying fun you can have in 12 hours. 

We stayed the night in a little hostel in Llanberis and after a big old breakfast and briefing myself, Ross (our safety guide ninja) Jim, Darren and Handsome Pete made our way towards that start of the event - the slate mines at Parc Padarn. It was a little overcast and chilly but nothing to get upset about. Yet. 

Yeah, that’s a train.....

We’re put in a tiny train that looks like a well dodgy, yellow vertical version of the DLR, and clank our way down the mine shaft. A little bell goes and the doors open - we are now half a mile underground in a warren of still functional mines. It’s pretty dark in mines isn’t it? That’s why I was wearing a stupid at with a light. Our guides were great and led us through the little passages (poor Handsome Pete bashing his head every 3 seconds, Jim and I not having that problem at all) until we reach a pretty steep rail track that obviously hasn't been used for some time. We have to climb up it, towards the light - a climb that starts off ok but ends as more of a scramble. I’m not really that claustrophobic but this gets your heart rate and anxiety going for sure. Once at the top, it’s straight onto our bikes which have been waiting for us at the top of the mine. This is where it starts to get funny. 

Follow the light, kids. 

This is the hole we popped out of......

I haven't been on a bike for ages (boris bikes drunk don’t count) and I am so glad we had Helen - our lovely mountain bike guide - to help.  I basically had to learn how to ride one again - and it is NOT the same as running. Whereas Darren looked like he was about to win the Tour de France, I came across more Pee Wee Herman. 

Thrilled. I was thrilled. 

But that’s ok. I didn’t fall of. And Helen was brilliant. She was really encouraging and gave me some amazing tips - and didn’t laugh at me once for being shit. Well maybe once but that was because I was being shit. If the idea of riding a bike puts you off doing this - don’t let it. There loads of support and (don’t tell anyone) I actually had a really good time!

Standard Pete Rees crouch. 

The first part of the ride is roads - downhill and fast and really good fun. The uphills were a struggle for me - running and cycling are very different AND I am bad at maths AND I’m not really very ambidextrous which made changing gear just LOL-worthy. Darren was flying up the hills, Jim was flying up them, I was getting off and walking a bit and flying DOWN them.  Handsome Pete was hanging out the back of a van filming us. Standard. Then it started raining. (It now won’t stop raining until the second we finish the trip). 

After all the fun of the roads and the beautiful farm tracks comes the really hard bit - mountain biking down very steep, very wet technical terrain. It would be hard enough to run down with trail shoes and not slip, let alone ride a bike down. I looked at the trail with slight horror wondering how I was every going to be able to do it, but once again Helen gave me a masterclass about putting my seat down, balancing and standing up - and down I bounced actually LOVING it and not falling off. Darren on the other hand had bought his MAMIL bike and DID fall off. Lessons learnt? You need a mountain nike for this or else you’re going to be carrying it on your shoulder. 

Over to Darren on that......

Jim and Darren survey the “track”

At this point we had been on the bikes for about 3 hours and the rain had really set in - we were all pretty much soaked. The beauty of Snowdonia make up for it though and although wet, by the end of the second leg we were all feeling awesome. 

Serious briefing time at the start of the Watkin Path....

Quick stop at the trucks to get a change of gear, and we were off up Snowdon along The Watkin Path. This is one of the most beautiful routes up with waterfalls and woods and a gradual incline before you start to get to the big boy section. It was still drizzling but as we ascended it got worse and worse. It’s about 6km to the summit, but its a lung buster with some decent scramble sections and some terrifying ridges to deal with. It got to the point where it was so foggy and rainy I couldn’t see Handsome Pete or the Guide who were no more than a meter in from or behind me. 

Love a water feature....

Visibility getting worse

OK, where is everyone? 

The good thing about this for me was I couldn’t see the drops on either side of the ridges. Anyone that read my UTA blog knows that I have a really bad fear of ridges with drops on either side. The best thing is if all I can see is cloud or fog - and that’s how it was here. Gutted there were no views, massively relieved there were no views. It was REALLY fucking windy though. 

Lovely ridge. Thank God I can’t see it properly. 

We were all soaked and freezing and even getting changed at the Summit in the lean to of the NOT OPEN cafe seemed like false economy - the rain was NOT giving up but I was freezing so wicked on a couple more layers and put my sodden jacket back on. 

Up we go - there were sheep up here - how the fuck did they get up there? 

Lovely view from the top.....

And down again.....

We started the trot down the Pyg Pass - again it was GREAT that is was so foggy and I managed the trot down pretty easily with no view. As we descended the fog lifted, but the rain and wind remained. We kept moving, because whenever we stopped we got cold. It was technical trail and bogs, technical trail and bogs, all the way up and down until we finally got got to Cwm Dyli Waterfall. It was huge and so noisy you couldn’t hear yourself think. It was awesome. 

This is FOR real people. First waterfall drop. 

We were in a cloud at the top of the falls, and we were totally soaked and it was windy. We were all starting to get cold so did our best to keep moving while Ross and the Rat Race squad got our abseil kit ready. It was at this stage that it dawned on Handsome Pete that he might have to abseil. I had not been thinking about this part, because I needed to get over bike fear before anything else. But now, looking at the ledge we had to throw ourselves off backwards, the slippery ledge that had tonnes of water gushing over it, it became a little bit real. 

No audio apart from waterfalls - but this is where I explain to Pete there are 5, FIVE abseils. You can add your own subtitles for LOLs. 

Handsome Pete was having none of it and decided to him from up the top - filming was being made very difficult by the rain and the fact we didn’t really have a waterproof casing for the camera. Quite how my phone survived this ordeal even in my bag, is beyond me, but the only shots I have of the waterfall abseils are shots from a previous recce - but you get the idea! 

Fun vs Not fun. You decide! 

We managed 3 abseils. I HAVE done this before (in Thailand where it’s dry) and I know where I should be putting my feet etc but it’s a different kettle of fish when you have tonnes of water gushing over you, and the rock you’re going down is VERY slippery and VERY smooth. It’s a case of not freaking out, really. The minute you realise you have started to freak out, you start to freak out more then it’s game over. 

I got to the bottom of the first drop and fell in the plunge pool like the lady I am, then got roped up for the second one. This one was huge - there’s a picture of it above. I was literally being waterboarded by nature. You can get the idea of the power of the water in this video taken the week before on the same waterfall. 

There came a point towards the end where I totally lost my footing and swung straight into the rock and under the falls. It was actually quite glorious but fucking painful. I just kept swinging in and out like a pendulum, occasionally bashing against the rock, until Stuart - one of the badass RR experts - managed to pull me out by my harness. Embarrassing but hilarious. My bruises are amazing. 

The third one was smaller and much more manageable and their was the option of doing 2 more, but it was late and we were all freezing and starving so we called it a day. In better weather it would have been amazing and I would have kept going all day - as it was I was very wet and cold and I knew it was stupid to carry on for no reason. 

End of the day, the whole squad got together for a curry before an amazing nights sleep. Love the Test Pilot Squad! 

So is this something I would do again? 100% yes. It’s a brilliant challenge for anyone who’s relatively fit (enough to run a 10k I reckon) and the support is amazing. I knew I could do all the things I did, I just didn’t know how much I would enjoy it. It’s hard - don't get me wrong - it’s a really long day and you are on the go the whole time but it’s also fun and beautiful and exhilarating and it teaches you stuff about your organisational skills and brainhole. Top tip for anyone thinking about this? Take a spare waterproof if it’s raining and don't scrimp on waterproof trousers - lifesavers. 

Next up? It’s Man Vs Coast with the Rat Race crew and a little recce on a sandbank that’s been put off and put off and put off. Fingers crossed for this time! 

[sweetsushiminnow]

My Favs V-Day Headcanons

So I said I’ll do some V-Day headcanons with my favorite characters, (This is not the follower participation one) I love the majority of the YYH cast, but I’m only going to do my absolute favorites on here, and on a different post, I’ll do others that deserve love/I’d find interesting to do headcanons on. I’m gonna do a read more because of how long this post most likely will be, not because of content. I’m going to keep these SFW because I’m in the mood for cotton candy not ghost pepper lol.

Lets start off with my absolute favorite YYH character

Hiei - This prick doesn’t know or care about holidays, even when the gang drags him into it. - Tell him a ahead of time of any plans, or at least the date of the damn holiday if you ever want to surprised by him at all. If he’s not informed, he’s not going to at least attempt to make you happy. That’s how much he doesn’t care about holidays. - If you make plans with these shrimp cocktail, keep the date low key. No fancy places with dim lighting. Hiei’s more down with staying at home or going to some easy food. If you do a at home dinner date, do nothing fancy, it’s give him anxiety and he’ll just act more like an asshole to cover up the fact he feel out of place. - If he truly loves you, he’ll surprise you with a small gift of chocolates he stole or got Kurama to buy. - Depending on how close you are/plans made, Hiei will either leave after food or “just sit on the couch together” while watching a non valentine day movie. Watch whatever he thinks is interesting, he’ll pick a boring ass movie and you’ll either be graced with relaxing yourself on him or even better, him relaxing on you! - Hiei enjoys low-key shit, and doesn’t really conform to the traditional sense of V-Day. All this boy wants is a nice meal and a place to relax. - Hiei wouldn’t do any of this if he wasn’t into you. If you guys were dating in his eyes, he wouldn’t give a rat’s ass. - I’m gonna give Hiei salmon colored roses and watch Kurama chuckle to himself as Hiei bitches at Kurama as to why it’s so funny.

Kurama - This boy is as flexible as his partner. Personally Kurama would enjoy a simple date, but if their s/o wishes to go out and have dinner, he’s okay with it too. - He will be a butt and will try to pay for everything. Which is one reason why he’s like those at home dates. - Unlike Hiei, he won’t steal his gift, but like Hiei, will have already paid for it in advance. - Also unlike Hiei, he won’t need to be told about the special day, and in fact, he probably had made over 100 kind of plans and narrowed it down to 3 options before you could even remember. - Regardless on what you do, he wants it to feel personal and comfortable. - His gifts are always more personal to his s/o. They wanted these sunglasses they were saving up for? Guess what, Happy V-day. You love the stars, oh wait until dinner, I’ll bring you to your present. - So he won’t always do roses and chocolates unless he’s dating me cus I’d be all in for that shit. - If the dates goes well, expect some post-dinner cuddles at his place. He might even be willy to get a bit foxy -wink* - Obviously Kurama wouldn’t do any of this if you two were a established couple. He doesn’t do random dates for V-Day. He’d be at home reading a book or doing something else falsely productive.

Shishiwakamaru - Inform this creature on the holiday so he’s not getting false information and ends up giving you a still beating human heart. - Finds the holiday pointless but to his benefit, depends on his relationship status and if he wants to change that lol. - He’ll do the typical dinner date because it’s the only thing he’s informed on lol. -With some random person/demon we was interested in, if he’s into you, he’ll act like his Dark Tournament self. Talkative but arrogant sounding. If he’s not into you, he’s his Demon Tournament self. Recluse and silence. Thankfully he’s polite to the wait staff. - If he’s already dating/smitten with you. He’s present in the date. He’s engaged in conversation, trying to kiss your hand across the table. He’s a bit pompous with his compliments. “Well, of course I had to pick the best place I could find. This is for us after all.” But that arrogance isn’t toward you, it’s for you. - So if you’re a random date, he might give you a rose is he’s interested in you. - If you’re an established couple, he’s going to go the nine yards of cliches with you: Roses, chocolates, chocolate covered strawberries, giant teddy bear holding a red heart that saids “be mine” - Probably will expect sex if he was just informed on what V-Day is. Say no and watch his confusion evolve. “Wait . . . isn’t that how it works? Wait, not always? No one told me it doesn’t work that way.” No he’s not being a fuck boy about it, he’s just, that confuses on human holidays lol. Lemme smash, please. -If it’s not his first rodeo with an established partner, he won’t be blind-sided if you decide not to fuck. “That’s fine, we don’t need some day to tell us when we should entwine together.”  - The longer of a couple you are, the more elaborate and/or special his gifts become. - Also he can’t keep his hands off you, or mouth or any of himself really. He gives the best massages though. - I wouldn’t be surprised if this fucker got you diamonds for V-Day. - Shishi won’t put v-day effort if he’s not into you. If you’re dating this demon and he doesn’t make any effort, be insulted, his actions stated “you’re not worth this pointless holiday” Thankfully, Shishi isn’t the type of demon to stay with someone he’s not into/he falls out of love with.  

Koto - This hostess with the mostest actually likes Valentines day. - She’d be the one to give her closet friends a little something because she’s celebrating love itself, not just romantic love. - Doesn’t really go on dates due to her popularity. If you happen to be dating this cutie tho, she prefers at home dates. - Yes, set up the table with candles and beautiful flowers, doesn’t have to be human roses, as long as the setting and atmosphere is beautiful. - Koto likes brutality, but keep it at work. She doesn’t want that blood and violence bleeding into her romantic endeavors. - Is the cuddliest thing you’ve ever dated. Which is another reason why she prefers private, at home dates. You can cuddle with another as soon as you can. - With the cuddles comes the affection. Kisses, neck nuzzles, lightly scratching your neck and back. She’s way more into that physical contact than actual sex. - Exchanging gifts is a must, if your gift was the meal, perfectly fine by her. She’ll still give you your favorite treat, or that small item you want/needed but could never get. - Also she’ll dress up in that outfit you like so much on her. You know the one. - Whether sex happens or not, you two are both in bed together. If she could, she’d fuse with you. - If Koto isn’t any of these things during Valentine’s day, well, then she ain’t into you, but unlike Shishi, she has a much harder, more emotional time letting go. So she’ll still do the date, the gift will be typical, and that outfit she’s wearing, might not be your favorite.

Keiko - If she’s not into you and you ask her out on a date, she’s gonna say no, she’s busy, or that she already has one, regardless on whether she truly did or not. - She doesn’t mind the holiday, but thinks it’s over-rated. She’s not going to hold her own self worth on whether she’s desired by others. If she has plans for that day, about that day, cool. If not, that’s cool too. - Prefers simpler gifts and treats. - Also prefers simpler dates. - She’d be happy having her V-Day date at a cafe or an affordable restaurant. - Doesn’t mind splitting the bill, after all, it’s a date with the two of you, unless you specifically stated you’ll take care of it, she’s not going to mind pitching in. - She’d dress for the part too. Nothing too sexy but also she’d show a big of leg. - After the date she’d enjoy a walk through the park or a stroll on the beach, depending on where the area is. - Keiko is a hand holder watch out.  - She’s also wants to cuddle if you two are an established couple. - She’ll also give you something too, like homemade chocolates and a small item you wanted but forgot you did lol. - The idea of being sexual physical isn’t off the table if things go well. - Either way she’ll give you a V-Day massage, even if she’s not the best at them in both quality and time.

[queerdilf]

My own speculation, subject to change in the future, from left to right:

1. Travis- Tiefling Warlock- Everyone is saying this is Tal, and while that’s totally plausible, I actually stand by the fact that this is Travis. I was also briefly thinking this was Sam in an attempt to have him playing a more serious character, but more on that later. I don’t think Tal would play a tiefling in this campaign, they’re generally too edgy, and Tal said he wanted to try something new. Travis on the other hand, totally wants to play a smart character, that’s just a fact. First off, tieflings automatically get a few cantrips, so already he’s handling spells which is different than before, and since I’m pretty sure that baby’s a warlock or paladin, I’m more tempted to go with warlock because I can see Travis playing an almost Percy-esque character this time around, an egg head with issues, which hypes me up.

2. Marisha- Human Monk- My first reaction to this was Laura, honestly, cuz I felt Laura trying a more physical class would be a cool change and also I wanted to see her taking on a Ray from Star Wars type character, but the more I thought about it, the more likely it was that this is actually Marisha. Marish is a very “Let’s fuckin’ go!” type player, quick to action, excitable and powerful. I think monk would be super cool to see Marisha explore. I myself am not very familiar with monk mechanics, as my least favorite of the classes, but I love the idea of Marisha playing this rough and tumble, knock me down get back up again type character, and I also like the idea of Marisha playing a semi religious character.  I also bounced Ashley around in this spot because of reasons I’ll get to later. 

3. Sam- Human Fighter-  Okay, when thinking about this one, I at first was approaching this like Sam was making the character, and I thought he’d want to maybe play something a little more serious, and I automatically went to the tiefling on the far left. Then, people began saying he was the small one, which also makes sense, he likes being small, but then I remembered a crucial detail. Sam isn’t making the character, Liam is. I actually saw a post on here, I cannot take credit for this viewpoint, but I don’t remember who gave me the idea, but it said that since last time Liam gave Sam the “lamest” combo, this time around, its likely he’ll try to theme it like that again and give him the most “boring” combo. It seems everyone and their mother is playing a human fighter and it would be interesting to see what Sam does with something so generic. Could also be a paladin or half- orc (cuz its mega tall and idk I could just also see paladin), but then that doesn’t really support the “boring” theory.

4. Liam- Human Bard- First things first, I automatically thought Liam when I came to this one, the outline looks so much like him in my opinion, but I’ll break down better reasoning for this one. First, evidence for the bard, you can see the tip of an instrument sticking out from the person’s back, and the boots just remind me of a bard. Now, I also think this is Liam for a better reason. I personally think Liam just wants to play something light and funny. No Raven Queen, no impending time clock, just song parodies and dick jokes. Also, I think since he told Sam to play a bard, he wants to give it a try now. Could also be a half- orc, giving another look at the ear areas, but that I feel is unlikely. As someone who plays a human bard, I’m obviously super excited for this one, oh my gosh I’m shaking just thinking about it.

5. Taliesin- Kobold Rogue- This one actually has some good reasoning behind it. Taliesin has gone on record saying he wants to play something totally different this time around, and I think this would be a really cool combo in order to do so. Taliesin also stated in the PAX Unplugged interview that his character would be the most likely to use the cantrip “massage”, which I feel just fits for this little monster type character. The other option for race is halfling, but I feel like Tal of all people would probably be the one to just play the out there member of this party, I feel like he’ll continue to play with races or classes outside the core PHB and try something weird and see what happens. (Also, I’ve been imagining him playing a small, weasely rat of a character for months now and it’s all I want)

6. Laura- Tiefling Cleric- So first off, Laura had talked about wanting to play a cleric before, which is mega exciting, because I honestly think she’ll make such a good healer, she has such good group instincts. This character is like a weird mix of Zhara and Lyra and I really am excited for her design. I remember Laura absolutely falling in love with Zhara and tieflings, so I can see her using one now, and I feel like Laura’s Kobalds and Catacombs character was a bit of a trial run for this one’s personality. I like the idea of this character being like a “you are more than your blood” type character and totally defying all tiefling stereotypes and becoming a sweetie pie cleric 

7. Ashley- Elf Barbarian- I’ve been bouncing back and forth on this one all night, and I’m still not totally 100% on this one, but hear me out. For player, it could be any of the girls. St first I felt Marisha cuz it looked vaguely like her and I had this idea of her playing a caster to say "Fuck you" to all her haters, however you'll see in a moment why I changed who was playing this character once I changed my idea of which class the character was. For race, it could really be anything, I just feel like she has an elven body type. For class, it could also be anything. I at first was bouncing around some kind of caster, then someone brought up barbarian, druid and ranger came up, necromancer was the one I found super likely, but the one I’m going with is barbarian for one reason. Ashley always wanted Pike to be physically stronger. This is the reason I actually toyed around with Ash being the monk for a little while, because she always wanted Pike to be physically strong. She was always saying she wanted Pike to be a “monstah”, and now she gets the chance to be. 

Sidenote: This actually was taking into account that some of the cast may play other genders,  I just matched the characters with what I felt best fit and it just so happened all the characters seem to present themselves in correspondence with the stereotypical body language of the gender said players identify as. Trust me, I play guys all the time in dnd, I totally understand playing as other genders, I just feel these fit the best for each person.

Thanks to @lupinsfurrylittleproblem for helping me talk through this list!

[laprincesseecarlate]

There are no such things as ghosts

Pairing: Fenris/Female Hawke Rating: General Audiences Prompts: Day 3 of @dahalloween events AO3 link

‘There are no such things as ghosts’, she asserted decidedly, ‘and not even the two of you could sell me that mumbo jumbo.’

The three of them were sitting at their usual spot at The Hanged Man, boozin’ and havin’ a few laughs. There weren’t many patrons left and Merrill had fallen asleep four beers ago, leaving Hawke, Isabela and Varric in a very agitated discussion about the existence of ghosts. The pirate and the dwarf were in agreement, while Hawke refused categorically to admit ghosts were real. Spirits, demonic possession, Revenant: yes. But ghosts? Nope. Ghosts were but a tale invented by exhausted parents to mildly scare children and get them to sleep on moonless nights without scarring them for life with stories of actual evil.

‘So you’re telling me you’re fine with the fade, darkspawn and all the shit we saw in the deep roads but ghost are a no go?’, Varric asked.

‘Yup. I had to draw a line somewhere and ghosts didn’t make the cut.’

‘How do you know they don’t exist?’ The dwarf insisted.

‘Have you ever seen one?’ Hawke shot back.

‘No, but until last week I had never seen a dragon either, let alone killed one.’

‘That’s different. There’s nothing remotely realistic about dead people coming back to haunt the living. Dragons on the other hand, they’re just beasts, beasts I can kill.’

‘So you wouldn’t have an issue spending a whole night alone in a haunted house provided we found you one.’ Isabela challenged.

Hawke shifted her attention back to her favorite pirate and grinned. ‘Provided you found a haunted house – which you won’t cause ghosts aren’t real – sure, bring it on.’

‘Deal.’

A few hours later and considerably drunker, Marian Hawke found herself standing in front of Fenris’ door. It had been Isa’s idea that she spend the night at his place, and she wasn’t sure if she really felt comfortable with it.

‘Why Fenris’ house?’

‘It’s so stereotypically creepy,’ Isabela started while gesturing at the house, ‘I’m pretty sure if there’s ghosts in town they all settled in that place. Besides, the elf won’t be back for a few days so you’ll have the place all to yourself.’

‘Well, you’ll have to share with the ghosts’ Varric added.

‘Haha, very funny. Now go away.’

‘You’re sure?’ The dwarf taunted. ‘You can still admit you’re scared, and we can all go home and call it a night.’

‘I’m perfectly fine thank you. Now will you go? I’m tired and I want to sleep in this ghostless house.’ As if on cue, a half broken blind slammed against the façade of the mansion making Marian jump out of her own skin and reach for her daggers while Varric burst into laughter. ‘You were saying?’ Isabela teased

‘It’s just the stupid wind,’ Hawke shot back. ‘Go away.’

‘Okay okay’ she replied with both arms raised in sign of surrender, ‘sleep well pumpkin.’

As Marian opened the front door she heard the pair laughing and Varric muttering a small ‘She’ll never make it’. ‘I will’ she shouted as she slammed the door with vigor. Of course she would make it! Hell, she could spend a whole week alone in here. Ghosts weren’t real, she had been at Fenris’ place plenty of times before and she was pretty sure the only things she had to worry about were not being eaten by rats and finding a place to sleep. She was going to win this bet. Her steps echoed throughout the empty hall as she made her way towards what had once been a beautiful double staircase. The house was dark and a ‘no torch rule’ had been part of the deal, making it difficult for her to see where she was stepping; the pale moon was her only source of light and for once she was happy Fenris never changed the ripped curtains. Carefully, she entered the first guest room and studied her surroundings as best she could, quickly spotting a bed on the left side of the chamber. ‘I’m pretty sure someone died on that bug nest’ she muttered to herself. If the stale smell was any indication, the room hadn’t been used nor cleaned in years, and she could swear there was questionable residue on the ground. There was always the option of sleeping in Fenris bed – that room at least had to be clean – but she wasn’t sober enough to prevent herself from spending the night sniffing his sheets and didn’t want to admit she was that desperate. Resigned, Hawke climbed on the bed, covered herself with the blanket she had brought and closed her eyes. Silence filled the room and soon her breathing was the only noise she could hear. It felt unnatural and uncomfortable. Her own manor always resonated with Orana’s singing or Sandal’s ‘enchantment!’, and only now did she realize how much they had become a part of her life and how alone she truly felt. Alone and maybe a bit scared… Nonsense! She was just drunk and uncomfortable. She wasn’t scared, there was nothing to be scared of! Then why was her heart thumping so loudly? And was that a creak she just heard coming from the first floor? Hawke cursed herself for being so silly. She had let Varric and Isa’s inanity get to her head and now her very inebriated brain was conjuring noises that didn’t exist. Stupid dwarf, stupid pirate and stupid bet! Still, Hawke listened carefully to the sound of the house and tried to reason with her overly imaginative brain. It was an old mansion, and the wood floor, like the rest of the house, had seen better days. Surely such ancient floor would creak every once in a while. That was a rational way of thinking, one that didn’t involve ghosts. There was nothing paranormal going on, just an old house with an old floor. As the place fell silent again, Hawke willed herself back to sleep and shut her eyes once more. The house wasn’t haunted, and she was the only person in this goddamn mansion. Except now, she could hear footsteps. Ghosts didn’t have footsteps, did they? They were rather silent creatures? Oh maker, now she was starting to question not only the existence of ghosts but whether or not they made noise while they walk. This was stupid. She was stupid. The only ghosts haunting her were a pirate and a dwarf, trying to win a stupid bet. Well she wasn’t about to be tricked. Silently she slid out of the bed, debated with herself whether to take her daggers and finally decided not to, her friends just wanted to scare her, not to cause her harm. She made her way towards the entrance of the room, opened the door gingerly and waited to see if anyone would barge in. Nothing. The house was still. She then proceeded to investigate further and slowly walked down the dark hallway. As she passed Fenris’ room, the door cracked open and before she could react, a lean shadow jumped out at her. She couldn’t stop herself from shrieking but managed to avoid being caught by her attacker. She cursed herself for not taking her daggers and tried to avoid another offensive but the shadow was so quickly she could barely keep up. She was left defending herself more than attacking and was soon backed down into Fen’s chamber. She looked around to find a weapon and spotted a table lamp. If she was about to go down, she would go swinging. Hawke tried to reach for the lamp but before she could do anything she found herself pinned on the ground by the mysterious shadow. She heard a loud thud as her head hit the floor and groaned. Her assailant was preventing her from moving, leaving her helpless and vulnerable to the final blow that was soon to come. Had the situation been less desperate, she would have laughed at the absurdity of it all. This was how the tale of Marian Hawke would end: killed by a shadow in a haunted house. No doubt Varric would write a fucking book about it. ‘Hawke?’ a familiar voice asked. Marian opened her eyes and recognition washed over her face as she found herself staring at emerald eyes and a mop of silver hair: the murderous shadow, still pinning her to the ground, was in fact, a very naked Fenris. ‘Fen?’ she asked in surprise. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘I live here. What are you doing here?’

‘I… You weren’t supposed to be back yet and…’ Marian bit her lips unsure as to how she was supposed to word her answer. ‘Well, we had this conversation about ghosts and Varric and Isa kept insisting they exist and I disagreed so they dared me to spend a night alone in a haunted house.’

‘And you ended up at my house because…?’ he probed.

‘Well you know: spider webs, broken windows, pretty sure there’s a rotten corpse somewhere…’ Fenris raised an eyebrow. ‘It was Isa’s idea.’ She concluded quickly as to get herself off the hook.

‘Ok, I’ll bite. Why were you sneaking in the hall?’

‘I thought… I thought you were a ghost.’ Fenris burst into laughter, the thundering sounds echoing in the empty house and filling the place with warmth. His laugh vibrated thought her chest, making her acutely aware of how close they were and of the heat radiating from his naked skin. ‘It’s not funny.’ She pouted.

‘Pretty sure it is.’ he chuckled softly. She knew he was right but she was too ashamed to admit it. Instead she looked at him insistently, hoping he’d let her go but he wouldn’t move. ‘Would you let go of me now?’ She finally asked.

‘Why would I do that.’

‘You’re naked.’

‘Yes,’ he replied with a wolfish grin. ‘Sadly you’re not’

‘I suppose that can be arranged.’

A few days earlier

‘My dear Rivaini, did you know Broody sleeps in the nude?’

‘Why do I have a feeling this is about more than Fenris’ sleeping habits?’

‘I’m glad you ask. See, I have a plan to help Hawke and Broody finally get it on. We just need to…’

[breatheinthesea]

Truth, set me free

If you’re reading this right now, I assume you’re coming from my video or you just happen to be among the few thousand who still follow this account- 

either way, and regardless of if you know me personally or not, I just have to start off by saying thank you. A genuine thank you- one that could make me cry just thinking about. I know anyone who couldn’t give a rats ass about me or my life wouldn’t be here, so by default, I’m guessing (secretly hoping) the rest of you do. Anyway, thank you for reading this. I know it’s long as hell and will take up some of your minutes here on earth, and that’s important to me, that you chose to be here rather than anywhere else. I want it to be like we’re sitting on the bed talking like best friends do when they really need to open up about something that’s been hurting them, even if I’m a complete stranger or just another “youtuber” to you. And speaking of best friends, I haven’t really fully opened up to mine about what’s been going on, so if you’re reading, I’m sorry for being so distant this past year and a half, and I hope this blog post helps everyone and anyone in whatever way it can. It will surely be helping me.

So, where to begin? is the question I am haunted by every time I think about actually writing this blog post. I begin obsessing over the starting point and then never end up starting, which can be so utterly frustrating. I have a thousand thoughts racing through my head, it’s hard enough to grab onto one, let alone place it in the perfect sequence. While writing used to ease my mind, now I am just overwhelmed by the never-ending options of words to use, opportunities to make run-on sentences, and ways to say everything I wish I would’ve said differently. I over-analyze every sentence, read it over and over and have to convince myself not to delete it. So as you can imagine, I’ve avoided any kind of writing lately- journaling, blogging, texting friends and emailing companies back, etc… You get the idea. Basically, something I used to love has turned into a struggle, something I avoid like the plague. And my mentioning this is to make a comparison of what my life’s turned into- something I used to love and now completely struggle to manage on a daily basis.

If you happened to sit through my agonizingly long video titled “Where Have I Been?”, then you’re probably already familiar with the fact that I’ve struggled with mental illness for a while now. If you didn’t watch it, and don’t want to, I basically explained that in the beginning of 2015, I began losing myself. I started questioning my religion that I had put my entire identity into, thus launching me into an identity and existential crisis, which I couldn’t really recognize at the time and surely didn’t know how to process. I felt extreme guilt, shame, and self-hatred for not being the person I thought I was for so many years, and who others expected me to be. I only confided in very few people, and they all told me to just keep praying and trying to mend my relationship with God, and when that didn’t work, I felt obligated to wear a mask of certainty to compensate for how terrified I was of actually admitting I didn’t know what I believed. It was exhausting and painful to keep up that facade, especially being so formerly open and confident about it online.

Now that I’ve spent the time analyzing exactly what happened and asking myself “where did it all go wrong?”, I’ve discovered the questioning and doubting actually began in 2013. I just couldn’t handle it anymore after two years of feeling like a fake, a sinner, a liar, and a person who was surely going to hell if I had died. And as it goes, those internalized emotions that I had been bottling up for years eventually manifested into harming myself in a desperate attempt to get the people around me to realize I was not okay. And it worked. I got the attention I desired, and it quickly turned into an obsession that I had not prepared myself for at all. I always believed I was in control of it, but just like with any addiction, it soon took control over me. I was powerless to the urges and addicted to the rush. I started cutting on February 7th, 2015 and didn’t stop until October 5th- 3 trips to the ER, 25 stitches, and 4 days in a psych ward later. It was the worst time of my life, and I was sure I had hit rock bottom.

Nope haha.

After months of therapy, I thought things were starting to look up. I moved out of my apartment that encased those terrible memories, and planned to start completely fresh. I was determined to get happy again. I began embracing the unknown and started aligning my actions with my morals. I discovered veganism and realized what I had been missing my entire life. I started smoking marijuana again after 5 years of demonizing it, which in turn helped keep me away from the heavy drinking which was a major trigger for my self-harm (I finally quit after cutting through a nerve that made me lose feeling in half my forearm.) I moved into an even bigger apartment, started dating someone who thought like I did, and spent all my time and energy trying to control and perfect every aspect of my life to make up for the years I felt I had wasted. I made my beauty room white and sparkly like everyone else’s, bought a better camera, new lighting, a monitor, a green screen, a new microphone, etc… and once everything was perfect in my eyes, I vowed to my subscribers that I was back, that “2016 would be my bitch”.

Nope again haha.

I still felt empty. I still wasn’t satisfied. I was still filling a void. While I attempted to make everything around me perfect, I just felt more and more imperfect. Thoughts of being incompetent, a failure, not good enough, and a waste of talent were all I could focus on. Filming gave me anxiety like I had never experienced before, and I was never satisfied with any video I tried to produce. My heart was simply no longer in it because the perfectionism I acquired inhibited any form of enjoyment that I formerly got from creating youtube videos. And this shattered me, because I had no plan B. I had no college degree to fall back on, no other passions, this was it for me. So I pushed on, and tried my best, but fell short over and over. The shame of not feeling capable of doing a job I used to be in love with, and that others would kill for and find incredibly easy, weighed on me every day like a ton of bricks. I watched other youtuber’s execute videos so flawlessly and passionately and instead of getting inspired, I became crippled with envy and decided I could never be as talented, as professional, as funny, as naturally beautiful as them, and this was so disheartening coming from a person who used to make videos called “how to be confident”. I realized that while I had recognized that I lost myself somewhere along the way, I never truly found myself, and still haven’t. I got swept up in my own depression, leaning solely on my boyfriend to make me happy, and we all know that doesn’t and cannot work for the benefit of both people in a relationship. I became attached, overly dependent, extremely jealous and it only caused more pain. I had so much negative energy, it was like carrying a cloud around me where anyone who came close would just suffocate with me.

Of course, I didn’t want to feel this way, and I noticed the only time I felt okay with myself was when I was high. So I stayed high. My addictive personality leached onto this plant like it was my new savior. I couldn’t stand being sober, because it revealed how miserable I was inside. I wasn’t willing or simply didn’t know how to deal with my emotions, and it got worse and worse as I continued to self-medicate and ignore the root cause of my depression and anxiety for months. I tried medication after medication and the up’s and downs from those side effects were truly unbearable at times. There were weeks where I didn’t enjoy anything or even recognize myself. My favorite foods didn’t appeal to me and all I wanted to do was sleep where I finally felt safe in a dream. I remember listening to music and there wasn’t a single song that made me feel anything. Nothing. It’s like I was a robot, just a body with no soul inside. I remember walking into my mom’s house one day and not recognizing her face. I remember getting my skirt altered for my best friend’s wedding and I was just staring out the window thinking “I’m not real. None of this is real.” I often felt like I was tripping and had to have someone convince me I was a real person, in a real world. My perception of reality would become so distorted. It sent me into panic, I would have severe episodes of rage and confusion and no one would know what to do about it or how to help me. This happened multiple times a week for a period of time. This is the type of shit that convinces people to kill themselves because they lose any attachment to themselves or outer world. It was the scariest shit I’ve ever experienced, and partially why I’ve sworn against anti-depressants and mood stabilizers for a while.

My life felt like it was falling apart, and well, it pretty much was. My income was decreasing at an alarming rate due to the fact that I was barely filming videos and terminated all contracts with any companies that tested on animals (all of them). I spent my money so carelessly because I never imagined that with this job I could ever fall back into debt. I was financially stable for so many years and expected that to be the case for a long time, but I was very wrong. The last month of living in my apartment I had to ask another Youtuber to loan me money to pay my rent, which was incredibly embarrassing and shameful for me, but thank god for kind and generous friends. I moved back into my moms house in October and my depression, anxiety and manic episodes continued full force.

I’m getting anxious at this point, biting my cuticles like a mad man trying to make sure my story comes across accurately. I’ve been putting this off for so long that now I just want it done and over with so I can move forward. But I don’t want to forget anything, or not include the important details of what’s been happening. But then again, I’m in control of this, and I think I just need to hurry it up. So, long story short, things got even worse once I moved home, which I didn’t think was possible. I was still smoking every day, my relationship with my mom was turning very ugly with almost every conversation ending in “fuck you” instead of “I love you.” I barely left my room and was sleeping more than any normal person should. My rage was at an all time high. We found a different psychiatrist to do some intensive testing on me, and after 4 hours of questioning, it was revealed to me that I had Borderline Personality Disorder. This was relieving and shocking all at the same time. I didn’t know what that “disorder” was when I first found out, but once I researched more, I realized I definitely acquired it somewhere along the way, and this was somewhat good news because now we at least had some direction to go in as far as treating it.

I started therapy again but it just wasn’t enough. I was still an emotional roller coaster every day, with no ambition to help myself and still completely reliant on marijuana to mellow me out. Everything overwhelmed me, everything scared me, and nothing was good enough. I would just stare at my walls and genuinely want to be dead. I was consumed by negative thoughts, and felt there was no way out. That’s when I decided to go to treatment.

I’ve been in treatment since January 25th. I go to a psychiatric facility every single day for 7 hours, and will for another month. We focus on DBT therapy and so far I’ve seen some improvement. I no longer have the manic episodes, and I’m learning how to control my anger in healthier ways. I’ve been sober for 67 days and will remain so for the duration of my treatment. I’ve met some pretty amazing people there, and just the structure and routine of it has been something I’ve needed for a long time. I don’t consider it a “cure” and my mental illnesses are something I will have to battle for a long, long time. Maybe even the rest of my life. But I can see the light now when for months all I saw was darkness. I’ve started reading books again and have fallen in love with learning and expanding the horizons of my mind. I’ve realized that nothing is the same as it was and nothing should ever be the same as it was. I am constantly growing and constantly becoming. I know now that I had a very abrupt spiritual awakening when I couldn’t yet comprehend that I was wakening, and it has proven to be the most important challenge in my life thus far, and for that, I am grateful.

As far as Youtube goes, all I can say is I didn’t come this far to only come this far. I have shit to say and minds to reach. I am working day in and day out to overcome my perfectionism and anxiety so I can return to Youtube as the absolute best version of myself. It will take time. It will take patience on both ends. I have to re-learn how to love myself and I’m sure some of you can relate to that. But I’m just so fucking thankful the universe gave me this job and this platform that I get to come back to when I feel ready. I know not everyone has agreed or understood why I can’t just film myself putting on makeup, but I hope this blog post has helped you realize why. When you get an illness, you take time off of work. When you get a mental illness, you should 100% do the same. It was me against myself the entire time. I don’t know exactly when, but I stopped loving myself and it crushed my spirit, crushed everything I had ever loved, including Youtube. And don’t get me started on the overwhelming amounts of guilt for not using my platform to spread the vegan message. That’s a whole other story.

Meditation, DBT skills, books, and TED talks are about the only things keeping me sane right now. I’ve had to accept the fact that I’m a work in progress and I hope everyone else can too. We’re all struggling with something. Life is fucking hard. But I’ve survived my darkest days and know that the only direction I can go from here is up and that is exciting. But I am still scuffling for stability, especially financially. I know it’s been obvious with the sporadic sponsored videos but for right now, that is just the reality of it. I need money to stay afloat just like you do, and I’m trying my best to stay true to myself in the process, but it has been very compromising. I’m still trying to figure this all out. And I appreciate those of you who are understanding and defend my integrity in those situations where it is questioned. I get it, though, and I’m going to make it up to you. It is my goal to return to my channel as a new evolved being, with a passion for makeup artistry and MANY other things. I am completely open for suggestions when it comes to future content, but I won’t be reading comments for a while until I know I can handle it. My friends and family will be reporting back to me with requests and constructive criticism so we can still stay connected.

I can’t believe I’m about to end this post when I never thought I’d see it come to completion. What a weight it was to carry. I feel so relieved and so happy to have gotten this off my chest and into the abyss of the universe. I cannot predict what this will mean or what it will do for someone, but my hope is that it is a catalyst for support, love, and positive endeavors moving forward. I will not return to social media if I cannot do it wholeheartedly. I must be unapologetically myself as I am still learning who that is, so it will be interesting haha. For the first time in a while, I am excited for the future. I hope y’all are too. Thank you immensely for your unconditional support and friendship. Despite everything, I know I am very blessed.

Thank you for reading. 

“Transformation isn't sweet or bright. It’s a dark and murky, painful pushing. An unraveling of the untruths you’ve carried in your body. A complete uprooting before becoming.”