#the fact that i dont have time to draw and im super tired

[chibigaia-art]

ough (day 2 - 4, tho I haven’t finished the fourth day yet)

-get this guy out of my front yard rn

- I love that there is no further elaboration, he’s just an idiot. that’s it. artemy is fucking fuming and rubin is an idiot

- top 10 lines that made me turn on the lights in the room

- I was dying of hunger when I said this

-wonder bull :]

- I clap my hands and go ‘woohoo’ whenever they mention the ‘eart good, sky evil’ thing and also whenever they talk about the town as if its alive

- the dialogue options in this game make me positively insane because they all really feel like something artemy could say to ppl, but in a way that sometimes just shows further how conflicted he is on certain topics, ESPECIALLY when it’s about his place in the town and how he sees the Kin’s methods of healing, so I was positively delighted when I saw this line during the theatre play

because yeah!!! I can keep picking the options to tell everyone that I’m part of the Kin and I trust the traditions, but I will always know what Artemy thinks and how leaving the town made him doubt all that stuff. Dialogue in this game is my reward for the pain I’m suffering

- lines from videogames that make you project on fictional characters

- HE STILL CANT GET THE NAME RIGHT... ITS BEEN THREE DAYS

- day 3 was extreme torment for me, my previous mistakes are biting me in the ass AND now that the sand pest hit I am in a panic and keep thinking I should’ve used my time better. I could’ve probably done better!!! But I have to keep going

- house of the dead killed me on the spot, my anxiety didnt mix well with it. 10/10 with what they were going for!

- MY SON STICKY IS INFECTED

-found her sitting with the kids, that was cute

-rubin

- I hope he’s calling him a little bitch

- this exchange

- big bird :)

- fucking destroyed me when I walked back in the house and saw the vision death puts there to taunt you. had to put the game on pause

- then I had to reload a save because I realized I was abt to die of hunger, and since I was infected & I could’ve probably avoided some mistakes,,, I’m just gonna try it again tmrw

I am NOT having fun but also. I am constantly thinking about this game. BUT ALSO I actively choose to stop playing it, I don’t try to stretch my gameplay for more than a couple hours (or even less) because I always reach a point where I get overwhelmed and need to pull back and think. definitely not having fun but also too engaged to stop

[zoejayw]

hi I really like your art!! question: How do you find the time and motivation for art? how are these things are impacted by having a job, if you have one that is (saw that you are a hobbyist on insta, was interested because im considering keeping art as a hobby).

hi anon, thanks so much! unfortunately the answer is i kind of don't really find time to do art :(. as you've probably seen i haven't managed to post much lately. the motivation is always there simmering in the back because no matter how much i hate drawing at any given time i still love it more than that. but with the fact that i work fulltime now i really have to force myself to make snatches of time where i can.

what i think is the best for that for me personally is signing up for zines or oother fanprojects like that where there's an external source of obligation and deadlines, but no real consequences for making something im not entirely happy with. i haven't been super happy with most of my zine pieces in awhile but like theyre pushing me out of my comfort zone and getting me to draw when i otherwise would just be fucking around playing video games because im soooo tired

sorry this isnt particularly helpful but i do think you should try and keep up with it if you can! dont be afraid to be lazy and sloppy with it. if it just a hobby you've got no one to impress. thats how i don't get overwhelmed by it hahaha

[kinniie00]

HEY BUDDY :D !!! lion, maine coon, american shorthair, tiger, cougar, and fishing cat !!

HIIII!!! 👾

This is so many omg

Lion - I'm probably most proud of how far I've come over the last few years, I went through a lot and am still learning to live with some of it. It's definitely shaped a bit of who I am now, but I'd like to think I have grown from it and carried it with me rather than living in that dump forever :) AND MY FRIENDS IM SO SO SO PROUD OF THEM AND HOW MUCH THEY'VE DONE AND I WISH THE BEST FOR ALL OF YOU :((

Maine Coon - Honestly I'm not too sure how others would describe me, or even how to encapsulate my personality into one word--I'd like to say I'm energetic but I also have my moments of not being as much, I'm nice but I know I can be a bitch, I'm a lot of things but I'm really unsure of what word could describe me, plus I don't remember any good descriptive words rn :') (I'm so tired)

American Shorthair - I have many things that comfort me, id say my friends are my biggest comfort, as cheesy as it is. My friends remind me I'm not alone and have reasons to keep going, even when it feels impossible. I also often tend to latch onto games and streamers/YouTubers for comfort (a big one is hermitcraft!! :D), many of the people I watch now are people who practically raised me and I love them dearly. Another few smaller things that I find help comfort me are things like music, tea, or small things like animals (my cat!!!) or stuffed animals :3

Tiger - Another one that I'm not entirely sure how to answer :( "Being cute and being mine" -☀️ I think I went through the 5 stages of grief trying to come up with something that's all you're getting, oh yeah and my worst is probably the fact that I'm indecisive or like impulsive idk

Cougar - Hehehe fandoms 😇 Definitely undertale, fnaf, and sanders sides in the later years. I was (unfortunately) an aphmau kid back in 2015 but that was more watching her content and less fandom stuff. The undertale and fnaf ones definitely didn't ever stop, I got really into sans aus back during covid and relied on all three of those fandoms for comfort during the quarantine too. Sanders sides definitely helped me over the years before and during covid, it was definitely a rough time in my life as I was learning new things about myself and others around me, and it helped me so much with learning how to be me and accept myself as I am. As for a fandom I'm really active in now, id say the one I'm most active in is Hermitcraft (so surprising!!! 🙀) I got super into it back in season 6 when grian joined because I watched his content before he joined, and now I watch most of the hermits, I do tend to focus on a few each season while watching the occasional stream/video from the others though! I also listen to the imp & skizz podcast, and I find it rather comforting when I'm stressed, I love the hermits so much and they've definitely helped me so much without even knowing :) (and the fandom is so silly I love everyone)

Fishing Cat - I have so many I'm definitely going to forget some, I love learning new things and it's led to many hobbies that I do and will probably get back into in the future! :) I do crochet, it's something I have been learning since I was really young but couldn't get the hang of it for the longest time because my mom had a hard time teaching me it since she's left handed, I love reading, I read all kinds of things from old novels & poetry, romance and mystery, to nonfiction and sci-fi, I enjoy reading anything as long as it can keep my interest, and I loveee getting reccomended books (even though my to-be-read list is SO long), I like small crafts like jewelry making but it hurts my hands (especially the more intricate ones like fancy necklaces, bracelets, earrings), i love gaming, its a big part of who I am seeing as I grew up doing it, and even though i dont it as much anymore I still enjoy it and love playing games with my friends!! I enjoy drawing, but it's stressful because I'm not great at it and am way too perfectionistic over it. I used to paint but I never got too good at it and never had proper supplies, it was very fun though and I'd definitely get back into it sometime down the line. I listen to a lot of music, and watch youtubers/streamers. I like to go on walks, but with some of my health issues I don't go on them as often (I definitely will do more this summer though!!) and hanging out with my friends and animals. I plan on getting into sewing and possibly cosplay sometime so that will be fun to learn! I love creative hobbies, despite how stressful they can be when they don't go how I wanted it to :) I love seeing things I'm able to make evolve and get better and I get better at doing it, and I love consuming information and seeing people be people!!

I'm so sorry this is a lot of yapping even for me 😭

[inkybinkyboink]

man alright i gotta ramble and call it procrastinating but i gotta yap for like two seconds here because i keep thinking about the best way to respond to anti-human rights people and by anti-human rights i mean as like an umbrella term for queerphobia, racism, ableism, all that yucky stuff blah blah blah. last year, i went to this protest, and it was a very intense experience for me and one of the more violent incidents of transphobia i've directly experienced. and like. i get that energy is like a very real thing and so if you've got a good 500 people who are all pissed about something, then it's really easy to get roped into that, and i did, and i look back on myself and what i was doing, and it just...it feels pointless. it feels so fucking pointless because we all just yelled at each other for like four hours and nothing happened. nothing changed. there was a picture of me that someone took and i guess i ended up in a news article somewhere and i just look so angry. and in retrospect i hate that. it feels like i was just complicit in furthering a negative idea of trans people. and i get that that's a nuanced statement because you have to have some insane biases in order to automatically look at that and go "oh yes, all trans people are dangerous" but the fact is, there are people who think like that, and yeah sure, no matter what you do they're going to think you're dangerous, but getting angry only confirms that bias a thousand times over.

afterwards, this one lady tried to talk to us, and yeah, it was fucking weird, and twisted and some of the shit she said was MIGHTY fucking backwards, but the people around me just kept getting angry at her. and its like where do you draw the line? because on the one hand, trans people don't owe jack fucking shit to transphobes, or even just people asking invasive questions. but on the other, the only way to get them to listen to you is by being patient and understanding to the level of a fucking tradwife from 1950. because if you do anything but that, their biases are only going to be reinforced. and it sucks.

i dont think trans folk are a danger to society. i am not a danger to society. but the fact of the matter is, a lot of people do think i'm a danger to society, and anything i say or do is going to reinforce that bias. conservative media is always going to paint trans people as angry, dangerous and unapproachable, which is super fucked up, because that only further inhibits people who are in a conservative sphere who may want to learn about trans identities. so i guess what im frustrated about, and what im wondering is where the middle ground is between advocating for trans rights in a way that emphasizes how critical it is to keep us safe, while putting it in a digestible way for people who have only ever known us as something wrong and outside of the norm. im tired of screaming and being angry about it. it just makes me feel shitty. i was screaming at kids and people who genuinely didnt know better. i dont want to do that again.

[seawing-vibes]

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYPONY ! ! Here’s some art summary thangs <3 ! Template is by Mintcokev on DeviantArt !! I did one of full pieces and one of Sillay Doodles

Explanations of every piece & stuff is below read the readmore ! + links to the full work if its posed online !

First Template:

January -> This Sora Piece ! I am honestly still super proud of how it turned out , it was fun to work on and looking at it still gives me that nice vibe I was in while drawing it

February -> This headshot of my OC Elk! I developed and expanded on her story this year and did some headshots for their TH, still super proud of how the shading came out here ,,

March -> lmao nothin , not sure what happened in March but I dont have anything there aside from sillay Doodles

April -> This design of Blaze! One of my fav designs I’ve done recently .. shes just so sillay To Me

May -> This piece of my friend and I’s cat ocs ! Stickpaw & Frostclaw, two silly fellas <3 something possessed me here I’ve never drawn a kibby this well since and Im still super proud of this

June -> This reference of my oc Dee!!!! ITS DEE ! ! EVERYONE SAY HI TO DEE <3 ! ! ! ! ! I was so happy to finally give her a proper ref , shes one of my favorite ocs of all time and this came out so well , it looks so much like her!!!!

July -> This artfight attack! This piece was honestly just a blast to work on, the background and frame design and expression were all fun to illustrate

August -> These refs of my lomp ocs! Lomps are fictional guys made by my good friend and August was just the Month for them. These guys are (bottom to top) Fizz, Roe, and Skipper! They’re . Normal <3

September -> This piece of my fursona Kenny ! ! Just a fun piece to work on again, the colors came together way better than I thought they would

October -> This piece of my oc Houndcall! They’re feeling normal about their leader being possessed! This was like a weird experimental painted piece and ou .. I really loved working on it I wanna do more things with that method

November -> Not posed online! Surprisingly, this is a wip of a self-portrait I’m doing for class! Fathead Minnows and Rainbow Trout !! This canvas is massive (taller than me ,, which aint much but still!!) and I’ve been cracking at it for a while but hammered out the details of the trout in November so! It’s acrylic but I really wish I could’ve done oil instead .. acrylic dont blend well

December -> The final fella ! My idiot son ! Also not posed online , this is a linocut printed on hand-made paper! Fun fact, I make my own paper and my own Lino cuts as my main medium, I just cant afford the proper transfer ink, but I got some from school to use so ! My idiot dragon linocut son was born ! I hate him because he wont print proper but this piece ended up working out. Its lino-ink on handmade paper with red micron pen over it

Second Template:

January -> DNA Helicase

February -> Valentine’s Day Gift <3 !

March -> Not (publicly) posted online doodle of my epic oc Anton Bayheart giving his grandson a thumbs up :)

April -> Not (publicly) posted doodles of my ocs Sebastian (left) and Dee (right) (you saw her ref earlier <33) having a normal convo !

May -> A shot from This video of my friends ocs … the one depicted is Quickpaw <3

June -> Not posted doodle of Breezewhipser giving Rippletooth some good advice (it was not good advice) (ripple just learns hes aro)

July -> Not (publicly) posed doodle of my Oc’s Garret (BALD) and Benny (TIRED) . Also just two normal guys (they’re divorced) (and obsessed with eachother)

August -> This doodle of my ocs Savi & Skipper (Skip’s ref is in August first template <3) . Music taste

September -> a small part of this cat sketch page ! Beetlekit getting bullied by his cousins

October -> This doodle of Skipper . I appreciate him

November -> I dont know where this came from actually. Its my friends oc’s Redstone and Bumblebuzz staring kitty-like at my oc Specklestep (she is married to Red and Bumble is their daughter)

December -> Doodle of Tide from this whiteboard ! !

Have a great new year everyone ! ! ! Thanks for reading through all that if you did lmao

[ferdieinceladoncity]

I FINALLY GOT AROUND TO WATCHING THE GIGGLE NOW THAT MY MOTHER IS WELL, I'M ONLY ONE ENTIRE WEEK LATE BUT HERE'S MY GIGGLE THOUGHTS

-okay, for one I am not as averse to the bi-regeneration as some people have been. I saw that leak detailing it waaaay earlier, and I was honestly excited more than disappointed. As long as they don't do this every single time future doctors regenerate- which would suck-it was fine as a one-off thing, and made sense for the iteration of 14. Of course he would be brought back so that he could go home and stay there. And 15 gets to go gallivanting off and start off the new season, so alls well. I dont think it takes away from Ncuti's arrival as the doctor at all because he had most of the focus of the episode from when he split off and became real.

-I could not help but draw parallels between all the people of earth thinking they are right and denying wearing the... whatever they were called, the rings- and covid and masking stuff and whatever which I guess was the point. The toymaker referencing 'cancelling' was so cringe though lmaoo

-Kate Lethbridge Stewart you are my wife forever <3

-what the fuck was that robot there for. the vlinx. This is like, for suuuuure we are getting a UNIT spinoff soon and the inclusion of that weird robot is gonna be part of it. Literally everything is pointing to a UNIT spinoff and that was so obvious in this episode. I don't have opinions for or against the existence of a UNIT spinoff, btw.

-the callback to the Moffat companions was great. Shame he mentions Amy but not Rory?? hello? he was very much touched by a weeping angel too.

-Overall, I didnt hate the toymaker as a villain, but it was like... i don't know. a discount master. I guess he was fun, but I wouldn't be too keen on seeing him return anytime soon.

-that being said, spice up your life was very fun :3 Oh I'm going to have that in my head forever, aren't I..

-Please don't reference the year as a big speech in the episode of television you're making. Yes I understand it's because it's the anniversary but does nobody else find it super cringe when they're all like.. oMG.. 2023... maybe that's just because im super tired of that trend back in 2020 where verbalising the fact it was 2020 was used as like the marketing campaign of every single brand

-mel bush was certainly there! for, I guess, reasons! maybe I'd care more if I'd seen her back in the like... 80s, but I didn't, and so it was like. okay. were there any classic fans watching jumping out of their seats when she was on screen? I just feel like when the doctor reunites with an old companion, it always feels shallow. Like when 13 reunited with Tegan and ace in power of the doctor. It just felt like she didn't really know them anymore and we only really saw 14 exchange pleasantries with Mel as if they were friends meeting back after a couple years in a grocery store aisle. I think they more or less got it right in school reunion, seeing ten with Sarah Jane was so wonderful. But that was a whole episode centred around their reunion and when you're introducing a past companion as part of a special or big anniversary episode you kind of have to push it aside in favour of the other stuff you have to show, making it feel like, what was really the point? a companion is such an important person in the doctors life and it feels narratively unsatisfying to bring them back to satiate or entertain older fans but not really centre any part of the episode on the doctor and this companion they formed a real bond with.

-if I was donna I would have stepped right on that doll the first time I saw it and smooshed it into the floorboards like a spider

-I feel like they played catch too fairly. For one, why even bother throwing the ball back and forth between yourselves? dont tempt fate like that. take all your shots at the toymaker. surely it wouldn't have been hard to just lob it a little bit to the left and off the edge a lot sooner. He'd say you were a bad throw but I doubt he could prove it

-I liked the imagery of the rose petals shooting out of the guns I dont know I just thought that was neat

-oh, speaking of! Rose mention! the doctor said he loved rose in 2023. Well, in a stilted way (next point) but man I guess this can be considered a timepetals win???

-the dialogue just didnt crackle and to a point and with a few expeditions this has been the case for all the specials. I don't know if im looking at it all the wrong way, but there's something a little bit devoid of life when compared to earlier seasons. It's not deal-breaking for me. But I think it was especially potent this episode.

-The TARDIS having a ramp is pretty great but why not let her in it?? why show her ( cant remember her name but the UNIT officer in the wheelchair) you show her it has a ramp now and she's happy about that, but nah fuck it you can't come in and have a look.

-The TARDIS also looks so much better with the warm yellow lights and I'd have warmed to it a lot more if it ALWAYS had that warm yellow lighting instead of the sterile whiteness 14 was kicking around in.

-Seen many people mention it already but the fact that was 14 was going commando after the regeneration because 15 got the underwear is hilarious. and he had the dogs out and all. my man. only in doctor who can the climax of an episode be the protagonists and the villain saving the world by playing a game of catch and one is barefoot and the other is literally in his undies. huh

-tentoo did not win ffs. just one mention. just somebody asking how he's going where he's at. just someone considering him at all. a fucking throwaway line. DONNA KNEW HIM. im going to bite my hand off and rtd better have something planned, some good reason for acting like he doesn't exist in these specials. Like even if when they were talking about the doctor settling down and having a domestic life, even if donna had said like "like that other you did" and then we all moved on. but literally act like he doesn't exist I guess

-I'd probably sooner kill myself than live with Sylvia noble but good for 14 for his ending. it was cheesy as all hell but whatever. it deserved to be. It was sweet. It was nothing I'm going to go crazy over but whatever. sure.

-I'm excited for 15 because I do love what we saw of him here. he's fun and he seems to be a bit more free of all the baggage his prior incarnations held which is good. I'm interested to see what he's like but this ep sets him up as quite promising.

-alright, wrapping up, this episode was by far the worst of the three specials, and left me feeling unsatisfied with some things and happy with others. overall, im not taking it too seriously because the episode itself wasn't doing that, it was just a bit of fun and flashy and a bit stupid but it had to be because it's tennats proper sendoff and an anniversary special. It was fine. And I'm glad, im so glad overall that we got these three episodes. I do think that doctor who is so back and im so happy to be a fan.

[roffmychest]

(cw fetish mention, long post)

when i was in the 4th grade i got REALLY into pokemon and conciquently i found.... pokemon transformations..... through deviantart, being VERY young and getting bullied alot i just imagined myself turning into a pokemon like those comics and wishing i could just turn into one and live my life alone.. and i got VERY fixated on transformation artwork NOT KNOWING IT WAS FETISH ART i drew alot of pokemon transformations during the after-school homework program and i assigned my classmates pokemon and id imagine them turning into them while were lost in the mountains and i magically didnt get bullied anymore or something i even requested like 5 different artworks, i used to speak to someone on discord who would have written for free the above story i had in mind and i had to block them out of nowhere once because they were making me uncomfortable, now again i was 10-11

i tired to get into it again, 2020 (before my bday, i was 12 at the time) i had an account on twitter (it might be still up), at this point i still did not know it was werid as hell and just thought the idea of shapeshifting is super cool! but just ended up abandoning it cuz i got into other stuff anyway

2021.. i was 14 and i was going through the WORST sad state of my life (not calling it depression or anything, just know i wanted to end my own life very badly) i had a now deactivated anon vent account on twt that id throw whatever and i tried to get into transformation again, at this point i FINALLY learnt that its seen as a fetish and i feel like ive been lied to the whole time even though i definatly have not been, i made the mistake of trying to show it to my old priv account with followers (in the end didnt use it) because i just, wanted to become a different character i liked and dissapear and to live their life and not deal with whatever i was dealing with, im so mad at myself, i just like shapeshifting and i wanted to , as i said, dissapear so to learn the thing that brought me comfort when i was 10 was ...fucking werid devistated me, before that i even wrote a story with a person my age (WITH THEIR PERMISSION, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS BEFORE HAND) turning into our fave characters in a mobile game that we were fixating one

im now 16 and i have not gone back to thinking about it, i made a oc during my time as a 14 year old that can shapeshift into a dog and im terrified that people will associate it with that fetish, though its a oc in a kids game so probably not but the thought still scares me, i NEVER saw it sex appearing in any way, its NOT a fetish to me, but i never knew and it made me feel terrible

i hate myself for going down this path and beliving it was ok for so long, i hate myself, i hate the fact i tried to revive it, i hate the fact no one realised how werid it was i hate the fact i spoke to someone who made me uncomfortable and wrote free fanfictions for me i hate everything i dont care if i was at my lowest points of my life i shouldnt have looked at that at that age even if i had unrestricted internet beforehand, i do not blame myself for not knowing it was fetish art the first time and having to lie about my age because of deviatarts policy, but fuck deviantart and fuck myself for not realising it sooner and tried to get into it again and again

the only thing i dont hate is that it made me draw more, i wish i could just go back and throw myself warrior cats or something instead to grow up w something different, im sorry to the people on my old priv account if they my reblogs im sorry im so fucking sorry even if theyve forgotten by now i feel sick

.

[journey-to-the-attic]

AHHHHHHHH YOU FINALLY WATCHED IT!!!!!!!!!

I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO DUMP ALL MY FEELINGS ABOUT THE MOVIE! Ok so i would like to say i LOVE the cameos that movie is filled with. Like the youtubers who helped made Fnaf mainstream, the references to fnaf history in the fandom like Sparky’s diner referencing the made up animatronic people were talking about back in the olden days, MATPAT’S ICONIC CATCHPHARSE, and just a lot of stuff from the Fnaf fandom that’s just THERE in the movie. The whole time i was in the theatre, everytime i see an easter egg from something in the franchise as a whole, i would like go “HEY THAT BOOK IS REFERENCING DREAM THEORY” or “HEY THAT SPRINGLOCK SUIT LOOK QUITE SIMILAR TO CIRCUS BABY!” (The springlock suit is actually a reference to Ella from the books but if i remembered correctly, Ella herself had some connection to Circus Baby? I might be wrong but there’s that) It was fun seeing those easter eggs and feels rewarding to recognize it.

I love how the animatronics looked exactly the same as they looked in the games, whoever made them are incredible. Like omg they are actually there and have you seen Dawko’s video visiting the set? They were so expressive and just there. They just straight up came out of the games and are now in real life, i dont think i can ever get over my astonishment of the animatronics.

Now the plot, I honestly love the plot. A bit simple? Sorta but it made sense. It was perfect for newcomers to watch it without prior knowledge of fnaf but familiar enough that old fans enjoy it as well. The characters were amazing. I love Mike and Abby’s relationship as we see how much both of them mean to each other like the fact Mike will do anything to protect his sister and Abby adding Mike to her drawings most of the time, their interactions are just so cute and god i love it. Then we have Vanessa which was an unexpected surprise since we meet her in Security Breach but it was a weIcome surprise. Throughout the movie, i keep questioning how the hell does a police officer know so much about an old pizzaria, like sure she may be a super fan but that explanation didint satisfy me but then it turns out she’s William Afton daugther and my jaw was dropped. No wonder she knew so much about it and no wonder she was so weird to Mike about it. She was trying to protect him. But with her being in a coma now, my mind cant help but remember the “I will put you back together” scene. Ik William isnt there but yk, for some reason i think she’s going to have nightmares that are just Fnaf 4.

I also love the fact that the movie show that the animatronics are more than killing machines but children. The fort scene was honestly my favourite, at first it was funny because yk we have 4 clunky animatronics, 2 tired adults, and a very excited child trying their best to make a fort, funny stuff are absolutely going to happened and i laughed when Bonnie fell and just gave a thumbs up to show he’s okay. But then we get to see them laying down in their fort and i just saw 4 kids. 4 kids getting to actually be kids. Something they havent been since their deaths and the once what was funny became bittersweet. It just shows how tragic their death was and later we get to find out how their unknowingly working with the man behind their slaugther? It’s just sad.

Also what do you think of the plot holes they leave behind? Like what are the connection between Abby and the ghost children, we know she’s been drawing them way before Mike ever started working at the pizzaria? Could it be because she’s the puppet’s sister since there’s been theory that Garret is the puppet. The first one to be killed. And i actually believe that might be true with all the evidence we have but can that explain about Abby’s connection to the kids? No. Then there’s like the question about did anyone noticed the crooks that Aunt Jane hired dissapearance? Vanessa probably covered it up but im not too sure. Also wth did Mike do with his Aunts body? Im sure questions will arise for what happened to her in the neighborhood. But nevetheless Im sure that these answers will be answered in the sequel which we’ll see i guess.

Now how i think the brothers feel about the movie? Lucifer and Ik probably sympathise with Mike because the former is basically a single father taking care of his 6 children and the latter seeing her father in him. Mammon will have nightmares to the point that he scared to turn the lights off. Beel may or may not have second thoughts eating a cupcake after seeing Carl brutually murdering people (why the hell does the cupcake have a high body count than the others????). The rest is basically what you drew.

Ok so i still have more things to say but for now that is all. What do you think of the movie? Did it meet your expectations for it? Did your friend who went into this blind now interested in fnaf? Have you tried explaining the lore to him? I would like to know your thoughts! Have a nice day/night!

- 🐧 anon

i had a great time watching it!! i didn't really notice the plot holes until i thought about it afterward, it was a brilliant romp and i think that's just what the fnaf movie needed to be

i was surprised that the emotional beats of mike's plot hit as well as they did, actually! i think bc the games aren't as much of a personal story, it's quite new to see this sort of things directly from a character's perspective. i think hutcherson's performance really made it tbh, mike's story would not have worked if not for his perpetual stressed sogginess

the cupcake was KILLING me this whole movie. why are you so mad!! that shot where it's mauling the dude's face off and chica just turns around and smiles at the other guy like ">:) i'm gonna get ya" was so funny

honestly my main complaint is just that i would've liked to see the animatronics go insane mode more... the pillow fort scene and Everything about bonnie was the cutest thing i've ever seen but also those kids deserve to go feral (though i have to say the cupcake being the one to trigger the springlocks was a masterstroke and so so funny)

we were all absolutely floored by max getting straight up BISECTED. shout out to jo for immediately hollering "WAS THAT THE BITE OF 87" (also she was the only one who caught the ella reference with the suit they were going to stuff abby into)

title sequence was incredible... loved the homage to the terrible pixel art in the games (music was also a absolute banger). OH YEAH when matpat showed up we all went silent out of shock except for james (the one who didn't know fnaf before) who went "ooh hello sailor-" and was promptly drowned out by me yelling "MATTHEW????? (satan and levi would be absolutely rioting over that scene)

in terms of theories... i'm not caught up on the popular ones but i do like the idea that mike is swapped over to being an emily (with vanessa sort of taking a similar role to the original mike afton) also james (did half a nursing degree) was hollering at vanessa immediately going near-death mode from what he said was a stab wound of the "inconsequential in the grand scheme of things" degree

i said something after the movie about how "oh it's such a shame markiplier couldn't do the film, he would've done a great job as the guy getting killed at the start" ONLY TO FIND OUT THAT APPARENTLY THAT WAS HIS INTENDED ROLE i'm psychic (what was with the spinning razor freddy mask though?? is william doing that?? is he sending people to the pizzeria to stick his spinny razor masks on them??)

i was drinking my tea when matthew lillard said The Line and could not participate in the revelry afterwards because i choked and started coughing for about two minutes straight.. kind of ruined the dramatic tension but someone had already started cackling at abby's drawing so really i'm not to blame

though the way they use kids' drawings within the narrative is genuinely great, and the twist with how they turn the animatronics against afton is super clever! i am also a firm believer in the fact that afton drew that original one himself and he's just SO bad at art

all in all!! really liked it! the cast's performances was great, the references were excellent, the inexplicable balloon boy jumpscares were perfect, and i WISH i could hug the animatronics so bad

[its-a-hil]

k time for our regularly scheduled sleepy oversharing time (answering all the questions from this ask game)

(1) Do you have freckles? nope ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(2) Do you drink tea or coffee? How do you take it? sometimes i drink tea if im sick or chai socially but thats basically it. chocolate is the closest thing i have to a regular stimulant

(3) What was the last song you listened to? this lagtrain edit idk i really like just. semi-chaotic noise that sounds out of place and a bit incongruent. probably why i like pokeloid

(4) Do you sleep on your back, stomach or side? diagonalish but mostly on my side. i alternate sides though in fact i used to sleep on my stomach until i read a newspaper article that said a plurality of ppl sleep on their side and then i got scared and completely changed the way i sleep in like 6th grade in case you somehow needed more evidence im autistic

(5) Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? blåhaj!! !!! !!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love her need to clean her though also i stream with my hello kitty velvet and i think that's kinda relevant

(6) Do you prefer drawing or writing? i like both but i am so so so much less bad at writing so that's more fulfilling i need to do both a lot more though ive been procrastinating a lot of tales of luminaria writing and art that i feel a compulsive need to make since the game was shuttered

(7) What’s your ideal number of blankets to sleep with? currently i sleep with blanket/comforter/blanket but i am still so so cold so i either need another blanket or one of them to be heated

(8) What’s your favorite band/artist? i mean there are a bunch that are all kinda at the same tier but i think inabakumori is at the top their vocaloids are just so. emotions

(9) When is your birthday? not gonna answer this but if you wanna check my bio every day for the next year until you see it flip to 23 i guess thats a thing you can do

(10) How tall are you? 178 cm (5'10") aka too tall please someone let me give you my height i dont fucking want it except in rock climbing it's useful for that but other than that the dysphoria is just not worth it hate hate hate

(11) What color are your eyes? brown, a bit darker than my skin but ive been complimented on my eyes by strangers more than like any part of my appearance combined so i am always confused like. theyre just my eyes! theyre pretty but only in the way that ppl eyes generally are idgi

(12) Who are five (or more) people you want to hug right now? i dont really want to hug anyone tbh like id be happy to hug a friend if they needed it but im just not feeling touch atm

(13) Fears? that samsara isnt real enough for me to defer all the experiences i dont want to miss out on to a different life also climate change also being at parties where im not super close with most of the people

(14) What’s your favorite color? the sky! i know everyone is probably tired of me saying it but i dont like the idea of picking one 'color' since that allows for so much variation, so i instead choose something that is constantly varying and always beautiful at every instant ive ever gazed upon it

(15) What’s your favorite season? summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer please it's so cold i want to be able to feel warm when i go outside and not feel like im killing the planet when i consider turning the thermostat up a degree

(16) Want any tattoos? What of? oh i absolutely want tattoos definitely one for outer wilds (the hourglass twins), and id be open to the berseria title card with velvet's hair flowing into the letters i just think that game is neat

(17) Want any piercings? Where? im happy with my recent earlobe piercings but it would be desi as fuck to get a nose ring so that also sounds pretty cool

(18) Who is the last person you texted? my parents telling them im coming home from work

(19) Do you have a best friend? How long have you been friends? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ closest thing is probably my college roommate for 3 years but he went to grad school in a different state so ive barely seen him since

(20) What/who do you miss? oh well that's a question and a half i miss my ability to just get a crush and imagine cute and unrealistic fantasy stories where i went out with them now a combination of adult™ realism and the couple years i spent beating myself up for ever feeling romantic attraction have made doing both of those things so much harder so i just stick to projecting myself in established plots i mean its better than it was near the end of high school but. not as good as middle school when i actively loved going to bed just so i could imagine whatever i wanted in the hourish before i fell asleep

(21) How was your day today? tired. slept too early last night and thus the day had no sense of urgency and my head felt very bleh the entire time

(22) How much sleep did you get last night? 8 hours which is kinda the problem i function best with having had 9-10 hours two nights ago and 4-6 hours the night of and whenever i try to get a regular person sleep schedule™ it just makes me feel bad

(23) Do you believe in aliens? not like conspiracy theories or anything like that but. the universe is so BIG and we're finding so many planets that it feels impossible for there to not be life elsewhere also $20 europa has whales in it

(24) When was the last time you cried? Why? idk crying is hard and has barely ever happened since i felt bad about crying at a book in 6th grade and hammered it out of my brain. clearly my masking behaviors have never once been self destructive and i am an extraordinarily well adjusted girlie more recently my parents probably said something that made me feel bad and i semi-succeeded at crying in the shower and forgot about it the day after

(25) What’s your favorite decade? is it really possible for me to answer anything but the present? theres only been one decade where ive been a girl for part of it theres only been one decade where i fell in love with the sound of my voice theres only been one decade where i lived for myself and not for who i expected myself to be

(26) What are some seemingly childish things you like? i mean. i watch cartoons and eat sweets and enjoy going outside and getting distracted by everything i see there not sure what it means for something to be 'childish' tbh

(27) What’s your favorite book? Or just one you’ve read a few times? favorite book is the raven tower by ann leckie it's just. such a wonderful story in such a beautiful world that i feel like i was made for book ive read the most is probably son of neptune though, i know i spent a few months just kinda picking it up at a random page and rereading a few chapters every couple of days

(28) How are you, really? not answering this it's cliche and boring

(29) Does it take you a long time to make decisions? yes and no if a decision is right in front of me i'll make it fairly quickly if a decision is far away then i will procrastinate it to the point of absurdity ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(30) What are you looking forward to in the near future? getting on injections! estrogen time :d

(31) What are you looking forward to in the distant future? 2024 eclipse!!!! !!!! !!!!!! !!!!!!!!! i know with how much im hyping it in my head it'll definitely be covered with clouds at the place i go to but i! do! not! care! the 2017 eclipse is the most beautiful thing i have ever seen in the entire world and i need to see it again

(32) If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go? i want to see the aurorae other than things like that im pretty comfortable sitting in my room, but the idea of viewing something so magical is just incredibly appealing

(33) Do you sleep with your door open or closed? closed otherwise my parents would see how messy my room is and the airflow would be wrong and its brighter in the hallway and just. no

(34) What’s your favorite flower? is it too cliche to say cherry blossom? i grew up near washington dc like going to see the cherry blossom festival is a part of my core identity

(35) Do you currently have a squish? not really but also my brain has a taboo against verbalizing any kind of attractive feelings so it's difficult to overcome that enough to process my thoughts without hating myself so i dont try

(36) Do you like your middle name? no it's just my dad's name, which already feels old-fashioned in indian terms let alone the fact that it sounds vaguely like a mildly off-putting (to me) phrase in english

(37) Do you prefer dogs or cats? i love seeing them both outside or in friends' homes and i am unlikely to ever adopt one so that's the extent of it

(38) Do you have any phobias? i dont think so

(39) Do you stay up late? not late enough

(40) Do you like the beach? Do you prefer it sunny or cloudy? a not-sunny beach is definitely cold so. yeah. the last beach ive been to was in gdynia though so i might be unfairly projecting how cold the baltic sea is onto other beaches that are reasonable temperatures

(41) What’s your favorite cartoon? if we're counting anime: bna if we're not: amphibia actually now that i think about it i need to rewatch kipo and the age of wonderbeasts that was good

(42) Tag 5 of your favorite blogs no

(43) Do you have siblings? How many? one older sister

(44) Who was the last person you said “I love you” to? probably my parents

(45) Is there anyone you would die for? oh absolutely. loads. the more interesting question would be 'is there anyone you would kill for' and that is far far more difficult to answer

(46) What do you need when you’re sad? patience

(47) Have you memorized your phone number? ofc i have it has interesting math properties associated with it that i sadly cant say here bc saying all the properties, even in a relatively cryptic form, would narrow it down to like 10 options if someone knew my area code

(48) Who’s someone you can trust with your life? this question is ridiculous when cars exist. i have to trust pretty much every driver near me with my life whether im in a car or walking near a road so i dont view it as a particularly meaningful level of trust nor do i view my life as something particularly worth guarding so like. whatever, yknow? (note: this isnt a mental health thing it's a samsara thing dw) if this body dies it dies and i wouldnt want anyone i care about to feel responsible no matter what

(49) What does your last text say? already said it

(50) Wild Card. Any question, ask away. my favorite font is alegreya sc

[nerves-nebula]

Unfortunately I'll have to wake up in 4 hours but I'll manage. I don't know, I think being prone to hyperfixation is why can't get addicted to caffeine or tobacco, because it doesn't compare to the sudden flood of endorphins or whatever those happy chemicals are called that enters my body once a fixation starts. I guess I'm just mad people downplay this shit. At the peak of a fixation you're vibrating at the speed of light unable to focus or think straight but then it fades a little and yours fine but then you crash and fall into a bad depressive slump till another fixation strikes.

Like not every post-fixation depressive episode is super bad but they can get REAL bad sometimes, like dangerous levels of bad.

This ain't no cutsey "I know a lot about bugs :)" fixation, hyperfixations are like "if I don't inject bug facts straight into my veins I'm gonna die"

Aaaaaa I dunno I might just bipolar? My mom has it but I read about bipolar and it doesn't sound similar at all .

Eh who cares, hyperfixation is not a medical term anyways, it's a community made term based on the medical term hyperfocus which is used to describe short periods of fixation rather than the long form of fixation that hyperfixation is known for. So if anyone is like "you don't have ADHD you can't use that word" shut up I researched this shit for a whole day the term hyperfixation does not show it self in any medical journal/ documention, at least the ones I found online.

Anyways I don't think I can talk much my head isn't screwed on straight right now I think if I say anything more I'll start rambling about how I feel watched and that seeing spiders is normal actually how come no one else sees spiders when they're tired (this isn't me making fun of people who hallucinate I'm just making fun of myself)

yknow i didnt actually know that hyperfixation was a community made term. learn something new every day! my heads not really on right either and i think id start saying a bunch of nonsense if i tried to have a conversation rn, and then get frustrated that people dont understand me. but i like to just listen too.

one thing im grateful for is that my hyperfixations arent so terribly depressive when they stop. sometimes i feel awful cause i want to feel GOOD again but for the most part they just kind of sadly peter out. it's typically a really long time between them too, at least for me. i know i got fixated on hunter the owl house, and he was like a bright light throughout the misery that was working at mcdonalds and my freshman year of college.

and there was an intense stunt over the summer with lego monkie kid/jttw/sun wukong, where I would draw him every day. it was so easy to fall into that story because of all the different iterations.

It's kinda funny though, because despite there being others, i still remember the joker hyperfixation being particularly intense.

anyway! point is this: we're both sooo tired but i wish you well

[behindbrowneyezz]

It's funny how time changes things isnt it? One minute you're super close to everyone around you, you're busy with work, extra activies, extra chores, maybe you try to sleep in an extra few days that month...then before you know so many things have changed. I feel bad that tomorrow is Indys birthday tomorrow and no one is really trying to hang out. I just feel like over the last year shes done nothing but expect us all to do what SHE wants...now everyone's tired and dont want to go and spend a ton of money on a night out when we can be at home doing the same for not even half the price. I love her, but life is hard as it is. WHY can't she be a better friend to us all? I'll never get it. Weve all been so nice to her as well and i think she just MUST have control, but the thing is we all just want to be able to be ourselves. I feel bad, i feel like Sarah is always going to break down and do what she wants...even Fernando. Im pretty sure that's why she gets upset with me, because the second i feel like youre trying to be in control of me..or make me feel less then, i just wont come around. Its actually that simple for me. I have such a hard time being around most women that are older then me. I also feel like mr. dub is literally constantly lying to me. I cant stand it. Ive never met someone so exhausting to be around besides my own blood relatives. i suppose that's used to draw me to him. I used to love how much he reminds me of my father. ..now all it does is stress me out. Its a drag actually. Looking back im not even sure why i clinged on so tight, besides the fact that he truly reminds me of my dad. the devil. I hope one day i can forgive them both for all the pain they have caused me over the years. It's even more exhausting to constantly relive through all that pain. I think my dad used to be one hell of a man. He was full of courage, love, and excitement. He hated people but he would give the shirt off his back if he felt like he should. Sometimes i wonder what really happened in his head in 2010...what made him so unhappy all of a sudden...was it really his marriage to Angela? Was it money? Did he really hate all of us at home all the time? or did he hate the fact that we weren't home enough? I wish he wouldn't of shoved me away so much. Some days its hard to love myself because i wonder why he raised me to be someone he was going to hate for the rest of his life. Its funny too, considering he never can go a week without talking his mommy. Yet, he expects his own children to be able to live a life without him, any guidance, etc. I wish i didn't hate him, I wish i could just forget about him completely. Anyway, more on that later...

Also, why the fuck are men so God damn gross?! AND fucking just pathetic most days. I truly dont get it. NO one wants to see you little dick, no one wants to hear about your stupid fantasies, no one gives a fuck about what you look like without a shirt and pants on. I mean good grief....The amount of guys that grossly still hit me up from high school...talking about 'wow i would love to see you, ya know i had a big crush on you back then' like yea yea yea sure sure sure...baby go get off somewhere else and leave me alone. I find it sad. Maybe guys really do have that hard of a time to find someone that they can sleep with on the regular...but truthfully they shouldnt be hitting people up from 10 years ago because they are horny. Its disgusting and sad. SO SO sad. Yall need Jesus. Well thats all for now, im going to go shower and maybe cut my babies hair. <3

you're loved, you dont need your dad or any other man for that matter to tell you otherwise. IM sorry people have always let you down, maybe one day when youre gone, they will actually miss you. stay strong, keep smiling, and for the love of God, finish the lost boy tonight.

XO, Ashh

[pyrosomatic-metamorphosis]

Once upon a time, there was a quiet and peaceful kingdom. ... Then the first fracture appeared.

hi. hi! Do you like hermitcraft? Do you like kingdoms? Do you like fairytales gone wrong? Do you like Dramatic Things Happening to Celestial Bodies? then oh, boy do I have a fic for you!!

The World Dies With Me was written by @grianmorelikegrain for the Multidimensional Big Bang event. I saw the concept when they were letting us artists choose what to draw for and i latched the fuck on, and I'm real happy I did. Cherry's been great to work with and made a Banger fic and the whole event was super fun. GO check out other mdbb fics and art. They're so fucking cool. There's even a collection on ao3 and oh my god im going to be fandom-fed for Weeks its all so good

bonus doodle and art ramble under the cut

i dont have a good excuse for why this is blue/purple instead of cream coloured other than Artistic Vision and also just completing failing to absorb what the colour of the palace was until i'd already doodled. legit tho Cherry sent me the draft for chapter one and i blacked out and this appeared in my sketchbook. irl it's like as tall as my thumb so i'm not surprised its so messy lmao

for the main piece tho-- oooooh that one was so so fun. I don't usually work with vector layers or, yknow, any stained glass-esque styles, so this was a fun step outside my comfort zone! It's basically exactly as I first imagined it if you don't count the curtains (which were a late-game design. you can tell because they're so messy and the clock is unrefined. the general rule of thumb with my art is the more over-painted it looks the later in the painting it was added lmao)

honestly idk if i like Bdubs' expression or the melting wax more, so those tie for my favourite parts. If I had to change anything I'd definitely have told past-me to actually, yknow, account for the fact that you need to add curtain size to actually capture the desired vibes, and then maybe the curtains would look less like taffy pulled and folded too many times, but what can ya do. it's not like taffy-pulled anything in my art has stopped me before.

(vector layers are god's gift to artists tho holy shit. i never use them because i rarely want a clean-lined look, but oh my goodness when i do,,,, vector layers my Beloved)

we're going to say that bdubs' hands are the most important and thats why is are the most detailed because of SYMBOLISM and not just because i got tired of drawing hands. it's both tho.i

anyway. im too hyper rn for a tumblr post. go READ the cool fics and STARE at the cool art and BASK in the months' long efforts of literally over a hundred creators. god this event was so cool

[kidfoundonstreets]

last post.. bc the screenshots made it too long (i am sorry)

THE FACT THIS IS A CANON LINE I AM DECEASED wilardo sirius and claire all hangout!! best time ever!11 they r arguing!! also best time ever!!!!

absolute certainty in his eyes it is sirius . let it be known

WHY DOES THAT ACTUALLY L OOK GOODOHMYG FCLAIRE AND WIALROD WHATTHHEELL YOU GOT THEM SPOT ON FOR SOMEONE WHO DOENST KNOW HIM VEYR MIUCH?? anyway real accurate portrait of the bfs love is real “far too beautified” what HELP?

YEAH THAT IS MORE ACCURATE KINDA.......... he looks like so smug and wilardo so head empty at least u guys arnet soil roots “i wouldve liked a big brother like that” SIBLINGS (in the worst way possible)?????????????????????????????????????? CONFIRMED

oh wait wilardo drew this one...........im surprised one day he didnt get super bored and get rlly talwented at random stuff like drawing  or maybe he is and just kinda lazy THOSAE BIG EYES HELPPPPP staring into your soul.. he made himslef look tired wilardo being (kinda) neutral and syaing that humans cant be split into 1 and 0 so true so true. where is the more love for you

woah theres hte line i cant believe gay people are real invented by iz THE CONCERNED HUH.;.... wonder how they’d react to the fandom but ashe does have a point with that.? wilardo and ashe do have the same goal to get the bitchs heart but. at the same time theyre totally different idk delicious as a concept but executed.. agh

oh hell no........................................... THE PANIC I JUST FELT. PLEASE PLEASE LET NOEL BE SAFE savesavesavesavesa oh. wilardos figuring out early. oh. what the hell lime yeah thats not going to be good what happened to noel??

HELPDFJWJE I LOVE HIM sirius is like “i dont care for claire” also him:  he just ends up staring at everybody...........what it looked like when he was thinking (real)

aww god oh fcuk its like those awkward famil;y meeting dinners everybody has a clue of whats going on atp “theres so much id like to talk about” HAHAHAHAHAAHAH fear imagine ashe gossiping like a mean girl AUGHHHGHH FUCKING GFDIOJFOIQJ12I what if ashe did actually have innocent intentions and just wanted to get his mind off of things?? and by avoiding him its making his sanity even worse BUT I DONT KNOIWJKJGHGH PROLLY NOT IT anyway. seeing sirius being panicked is sweet the n again if he didnt help noel tears would be on his hands and nobody can handle noel crying. and itd add to someone he knew dead sirius is just “goddmanit in order for this to work i need to say we’re besties or whatever nthe kids say these days” WHY IS ASHE USING SUCH FANCY LANGUAGE. GN. HES JUST LIKE THIS . the power of friendship.........i mean scp............................................

THIS SPRITE,,

a can somebody hug him already. bro the cg with him lady dorothy is so good i wanna redraw it one day like i saw somebody do he just keeps comparing it it hurts my heart ive said it once and ill say it again,, siblings

mario11!1 drag her around >:D

[corpsentry]

january: an art retrospective

i did some stuff last month (but it’s a lot of stuff and there’s a photodump + some Serious Fucking Reflection, so it’s all below the cut)

so ok, let’s start with this. here are some heads. each head has a red arrow. that red arrow is what i call the red line of the devil. it’s the slope of the face from the side of the eye to the cheekbone and then down towards the chin. up until like 2 weeks ago, i couldn’t draw it. i couldn’t fucking draw it. i would edit over that part of the face over and over again until i was frustrated and tired and i had a raging homosexual headache and it still never looked right. notice that each head is different. notice that each head looks wrong.

at the start of 2021 i finally admitted to myself, as per the image above, that i was deeply, deeply unhappy with my art. what was the problem? i dunno. but i decided i was going to fix it and i was going to do so via another one scribble a day event wherein for every day of january i would find a photo of a human head, and i would draw it.

january 1st, 2021. i was embarrassed to tweet this even on my private account where like 5 friends and a rock would see it. in retrospect, you can also see all of my bad habits emerging like dicks from a hole in the ground. it’s disproportionate. the brows look flat. the eyes are slanting upwards. the entire drawing looks flat, like this isn’t a 3d person but a caricature of one.

january 2nd, 3rd, 4th:

on the 2nd i decided to start a separate thread for doodles and applied learning. here’s the first set of tests

the rest of the week is kind of uneventful so we’re going to skip those. fast forward to january 11th

this one is especially bad. i am acutely aware, suddenly, that i am not changing anything at all. i’m stressed and miserable about it because i’m still trying to see people as people and trying to draw people that look attractive and proportionate and hot. my friend, leny, reminds me that i need to think about faces in terms of planes. i have a moment. my other friend masha sends me some links to anatomy tutorials. i have another moment.

january 11th. applied sketch

january 13th is when i start the troubleshooting process. the link above drives me mad because i’m pretty happy with the face but then i realize that there’s something very fucking wrong with the shape of the head LOL and then i realize that i’ve never had any idea what the proportion of the face to the rest of the skull is so i grit my teeth and i open a new canvas and i

bald studies. it seemed like the right thing to do. can’t draw heads? ok draw some heads. look at some photographs. i traced each photo but tried to stick to straight lines so that i could replicate the shapes more easily. i broke each face down into shapes. i thought about airplanes

i got really excited. i started doing studies, then applied studies, then stylized studies.

sketches. i’m not sure what’s going on (as always) and it’s very rough, but they look different from the sketches i did on january 2nd. that’s a start

january 16th’s daily study. looks more like a person now. juuuuuust a bit

more applied studies

on the 18th i take a break and go stare at some lips because i don’t understand how the fuck they work. again, i focus on shapes, on volume, on the fact that these things exist in 3d. holy fuck lips exist in 3d. holy fuck we are real

january 19th. i’m working on it.

january 22nd. some sketches + a daily study. it has finally occurred to me that heads can tilt up and down and that things look different accordingly. yes i was not aware of this before. yes i have been drawing for over a decade.

january 23rd. by this point after doing my daily sketch i almost always go back and do an applied study which is basically to say i drew a lot of fucking links. this one looks kind of okay. i’m kind of proud

january 25th. links. trying to make sense of everything i’ve learned

26th, 27th, 28th. daily studies

january 1st. january 31st

The End Of The Photo Dump (dab)

ok NOW i get to talk about what i discovered while studying the shit out of human beings

FIRST OF ALL, there is something precious and magical about drawing shit without the explicit knowledge that you’re going to tweet that shit out to 45 people later. it takes the burden of perception off your shoulders and that does something to you, or at least that’s my theory. i told myself i wouldn’t post any of this stuff until the end of the month (if i wanted to post it at all) and kept everything off my public social media accounts and that meant i could draw ugly as hell without worrying about who would point and laugh, which i absolutely fucking did. a lot of these are fucking trainwrecks. most of these are fucking trainwrecks. why do they look like that?? why??? this doesn’t look like the work of someone who’s allegedly been drawing since they were in kindergarten, does it?????

here’s why: because that person took a huge motherfucking swing at everything they’d ever known about art and spent a month building something new in its place. the abstract explanation is that i grew up on shoujo and weird old anime and my understanding of anatomy was unironically kamichama karin and while i love kamichama karin, when kamichama karin is your rule even if you try to break it, you’re going to end up going nowhere. “you have to know the rules to break them”, yeah? well i didn’t know shit. the abstract explanation is i’ve been miserable about my art for a few years now because i saw other people doing things effortlessly which i couldn’t and instead of going back to the basics, i tried to do what they did (not plagiarism, mind you, i mean i literally tried to copy the red line of the devil i mentioned above because i couldn’t even make that happen) and then i fucking failed.

the simple explanation is this. i had to unlearn everything, and relearn it again (like some kind of new renaissance clown, what the fuck is this?)

take this for example. all my life i’ve drawn faces in the order: eyes, nose, mouth, face shape, head. this works for some people, im aware, but it was something central to how i had always drawn, so i decentralized it. i said fuck you to the old me and changed the order up. now i start with the nose, then the eyes, mouth, the chin line, and the sides of the face. now i force myself to think about the human head as a series of parts interacting with each other instead of a bunch of disparate features which i want to look pretty.

or let’s use this zelda from last year. something about this looked wrong last october, the way something about all of my drawings looked wrong, but i couldn’t pinpoint it for hell the way i couldn’t articulate Any of my feelings about the visual arts. now, looking back, here’s what i see. that nose is sticking out far too much given how she’s not really facing very far away from the camera. that ear at the back shouldn’t be there. her forehead is too big. she doesn’t have a forehead. what the fuck is up with the shape of her head?

so apparently reject modernity embrace tradition has its roots in alt-right terminology and i’m not very horny for the alt-right (you understand), but the spirit survives here. you know sometimes you have to admit that you have no idea what the fuck you’re doing and draw people for 31 days. i’ve spent my whole life drawing stylized people and while again there are artists who have no issue with this, i veered off the track of the Good and the Holy and couldn’t get back on. i had no point of reference because i’d never thought about what an actual human being looks like, so i had no way to fix what i knew in my gut looked wrong but wouldn’t come out better.

this was hard. this was like oikawa tooru swallowing his worthless pride and admitting that ushijima wakatoshi had gotten the best of him for the last time in his high school career, but in haikyuu!! by furudate haruichi oikawa tooru fucks off to argentina and then joins the argentinean national team, and you know what, i think i’ve made it to argentina (not the team just the country). as per the golden rule of dont fucking move until you’re at least two thirds of the way through the month, i only started trying to draw Shit shit on like the 22nd or something, but i was happy with that i created. i am happy with what i’ve done. i’ve posted like 2 things this month that involve people with what i now call ~applied Knowledge~~ and they’re, like, not perfect obviously (perfection is an unattainable ideal), but i’m fucking proud of them. i didn’t spend 5 hours hunched over my laptop adjusting the red line of the devil because it’s not a devil’s line anymore. because i finally sorta get how people work. because i sat down and i said ‘we are not going to fuck with this misery shit anymore’ and then i did that. it’s just a line now.

here are 2 collages tracking my painstakingly carved out progress from january 2nd to february 2nd because i’m a slut for collages

and here’s what i’ve done to my art! the same person drew these but also Not Really! you know! for the first time in a year i don’t immediately hate what i’ve drawn. you know what guys? art is fucking fun. zelda’s forehead doesn’t scare me anymore because i know how foreheads fucking work now, and i don’t know everything, and i’m going to keep troubleshooting stuff as i go (i want to draw a skeleton. like a. i want to draw a goddamn skeleton guys) but i’m honestly and genuinely proud of what i’ve done in the span of a month, and i’m also in disbelief. i started this month-long challenge out as a last ditch effort to make peace with my art because i’ve been tired for a long time and i was ready to kick the bucket on drawing people altogether. i didn’t think anything would happen. nothing’s happened for years. i’ve been miserable for years.

this was the caption for january 1st, 2021. i was super, super fucking embarrassed and it looks like super fucking shit, but you know what, i think i did in fact triumph over the bullshit. surprisingly enough, when you put in consistent effort into something, You Will See Results. didn’t see that coming, did you? i know i didn’t.

this isn’t a success story. it’s a happiness story. i never gave a shit damn about the institute of art or whatever, i was just mad at myself because what i saw in my head didn’t match up with what was on the canvas. and now it’s getting better. now i’m calibrating the compass. now drawing not just backgrounds but also people is exciting to me, and i can stick my links in your face and tell you ‘they hot’. i’m going to keep doing that. i’m going to keep going until i drop off the side of the earth and then spiral towards mars like some kind of fairy, and then i’m going to create something beautiful.

thanks for reading. here’s a pr department link for sticking around until the end

[kinanina]

7, 17, 27, 37, 47, 57 and 89 <3

7. Are you in love? Do you want to be?

I'm not in love currently with anyone currently. i think it would be nice, but love for someone takes time and i'm in no rush. these things will come naturally. besides i do admit that im in love with life lol live laugh and love ✌🏻🤪

17. did you have imaginary friends? do you still have them?

i didn't have imaginary friends, but i did daydream a lot about going on adventures in many different settings. from my own ideas to different fictional worlds. i also liked to make up characters and stories (on my own or with my friends) so that could maaaaybe count??? idk??? some characters i still draw from to time today i guess lol

27. are you afraid of growing old?

not at all. the only thing im afraid of is becoming someone i don't really want to be or someone that doesn't align with what i hope i'll be. does that make sense? i do admit tho that time is a very strange concept and it makes me sometimes nostalgic for the past. besides growing old means nothing more than that youve entered a new stage in life. ure the same but completely different and wiser and just more selfassured/care less.

37. do opposites attract?

sure. depends tho on how opposite they are to each other and if it's going to work out. i mean the opposite of yourself may be super interesting at first, but there is things that do have to align in order for the relationship to grow. or at least both parties have to be open enough to accept and change with the other. like at least in ideals, politics etc. has to have a common ground.

47. do you have to suffer to truly understand the human condition?how can you really experience it?

eh i think thats pretty much up to the person themselves. like why does someone have to suffer in order to understand the human condition? what is there to suffer about? we exist and we are the most human every second of our existence, in any state of mind be it suffering or feeling happy. personally i think the best way to understand the human condition is when you look at a person petting an animal or hugging someone they love. i think we became intelligent because we started caring for and bonding with each other. i mean why else do we have pets??? suffering sounds romantic and it sounds smart/realistic to attribute it to human condition. (suffering still being somewhat too romanticized today ngl) though the human condition can be experienced and understood by just existing in whatever condition.

57. do you think humans are obsessed with escapism? are you looking for an escape? do you think it's a bad thing?

yes. especially today were all very very much so obsessed with escapism even more so due to the fact that all media is always and at any time ready to be consumed. we have become so attached to so many forms of escapism that we forget to face ourselves and would rather continue doing whatever else. i dont think escapism is bad though because everyone needs it once in a while. be it through daydreaming or books or hobbies or whatever. i sometimes also look for an escape. the way we live today makes it very, very hard to confront reality as reality has become a very TIRING mixture of bad news, constant barrage of information at all times, constant pressure from work and so on and so on. and due to being constantly exhausted by something around us, we 'need' these breaks more and more often. bruh idk im rambling rn

89. if you lost all your memories would you still have the same personality?

no. because i am my memories, my experience, the people in my life. i may have the genetic personality traits, which came from my ancestors, that may be a part of me anyway, but never again will i be the same again. the new memories and experiences id make, may be completely different from the lost ones and thus id be a new person. maybe the memories and experiences and people all develop the same way but they would still be new to me and i may react to them in a new way and become a new person anyway. in short: you are who you are because of your memories and experience that have been formed by your surroundings and the many people that have come and gone in your life.

thank u so much for sending these!!! if i seem incoherent and like i make no sense, its bc i licherally got rlly sleepy midway thru but had too many ideas that id forget by tomorrow. so <3

[dyketubbo]

my ask didnt send i am going to murder. anyway BEEP CLASSPECTING... now im thinking abt that and aimsey. from the top of my head/only briefly thinking, beep as rage or void vibes with me? (obvs not the typical rage player you see, more like the nuance we were discussing). and aimsey as a life player?

oooo void beep would be suuper cool :oc rage too, he is very fucking stubborn and does have outbursts rather often (also rage players in canon usually have connections to magic, and then the homestuck rage players all had religious themes so, god stuff). meanwhile void fits beeps heavy "this is all irrelevant and you could never understand any of this", and his own belief that even what he does just doesnt matter. personality under a veil (not necessarily a facade), fundamental inability to understand and truly perceive it all.

id say he doesnt fit rage enough, if only because rage players are fundamentally about survival instinct, and, well. beeps already dead, and he seems to be perfectly fine with the fact that one day he just wont exist at all. hes not scared, though he is easily pissed off, but in the end he just sort of likes messing with shit and being in control. lil dickhead (affectionate)

honestly, since he almost fits rage but not quite, he.. almost acts like a prince of hope (unfortunate eridan kinnie). destroying beliefs and asserting his reality as the Absolute Truth, dragging others like aimsey into his delusions and being in a situation where aimseys putting her faith into him even though hes not a good person because she feels the need to believe in him and connect with him, because she genuinely feels like hes the only friend they have left, and because aimsey wants desperately to believe in what beep is trying to show her, desperately wants to understand. he shuts down things he believes to be false, to the point where he can make them false by simply destroying the problem.

hes a force of outward destruction, destroying what he believes to be flaws in others. theyre heavily defensive, putting everyone beneath them, believing hes the one thats doing it Right, and ultimately, he believes its his right to control things. he doesnt trust anyone, he reacts to any fear he may have with anger, lashes out, and the "TELL. NO ONE" scene almost showcases beep shattering and hurting aimsey before he steps back and give a quick "sorry!". his arc seems to be leading up to him realizing he can care about aimsey, that he can trust her to believe him and in him, and he seems to be dealing with the concept of trusting aimsey with his beliefs

hes definitely not a general hope player, but specifically prince of hope could fit. onto possible void class combos, with, first, the notable fact that we dont know what kind of person beep may have been in the past, other than that he was destructive. we know about some events in his past, and how he feels about them (kinda), but generally, this means hes very versatile and has many class possibilities, depending on how we want to interpret what we do know.

for example, he could be a maid whose now in the apeshit stage, stubborn and repressive. its entirely possible he got so tired of listening to the other spirits that he got to the unhealthy stage, exploded, and now without anything stopping him, hes doing whatever the fuck he wants, because hes decided none of it matters, that its all irrelevant and he doesnt have to care because its his fucking universe and no one can stop him from playing god. he spends his time doing menial things, because to him, its all equally unimportant, so why not waste time? he cuts down unnecessary tasks, weeds out what he finds useless, etc etc. basically, he should still be independent, but he needs to be brought back down to earth (metaphorically), because hes kind of burnt himself out and is now fucking with things because he feels none of it matters anyways

sylph of void sort of works too, mainly his meddling and tendency to shut down anything that could reveal something he doesnt want revealed, as well as shutting down others viewpoints and he covers up shit whenever he wants. his motivations are, really, mostly unknown to us, other than that he seems to think this is fun. otherwise, he also has a tendency to try and fix things he thinks needs fixing (like getting rid of fairies and space creatures), and will often try to fix mistakes he sees in mortals. however, slyphs are ultimately healers, and beep just. is not a healer, and he doesnt necessarily invite creation of void in any way, since void isnt really destruction of anything, and what he does invite is destruction of things. hes also just too active to be a slyph

so, with the previous prince assession, theres also the possibility of him being a prince of light, which would mean he would act more like a void player. hed destroy light with light, destroy the importance of information with information. they strip away the importance of things, uses plain fact to force the perception that nothings really important. he dismisses the importance of things, purposefully acts ignorant to draw away from what he knows, destroys knowledge itself from a power standpoint (wiping aimseys memory), and in extreme cases, can physically destroy anything in his way, or assert over and over that what he said/did isnt real, that nothings true or important other than what hes saying. again, little shit. if i had to make up my mind, i think prince of light fits the most

as for aimsey, i think life does fit him really well, shes definitely got the similar "girl next door" kind of vibes, while still being really interesting in her own right. she definitely starts out as a typical fictional life player, enthusiastic, energetic, genuine, wanting to effect the world. shes a normal girl (and this isnt an insult, rather, her being so normal ties the magical themes of the bear smp together really well, and its a perfect way to use a life player, make them be a catalyst for both the normal life player and eccentric others to shine). however, as she struggles with losing trust in bear and not being treated well, not having anyone that cares about them specifically, the energy starts to falter, but comes back when they feel the need to be rebellious. notably, while aspects arent super literal, she contrasts beep so much in just how alive she is, which fits her being a life player rather well. except, as i said, aspects arent literal, which means aimsey being a life player translates to her showing what life means in a metaphorical sense.

life is about agency. its about what you do, your ability to do so, its about asserting your will. not what drives you, but simply you doing at all. interesting enough, life players can be hard to pin down because life is about desire and agency, while the players class defines their ideology. life players can become obsessed with an idea that they need to do something, that they need to change how systems work, and often can cloak their want to fulfill their individual desires as altruistic want to fulfill others needs and desires (i.e., aimsey wants a friend and someone who pays attention to her and is genuine towards her, she feels like shes found that in beep, and as such starts to cloak her want to be his friend as aimsey wanting to help beep rather than aimsey themself).

as for said class.. this was, hard. because of how heavily influenced life is by the class its paired with, and because aimseys arc right now is trying to deal with feeling like shes too much and unneeded, it means that i have to really consider how that connects with which classes struggles. so, i ended up with sylph. aimsey is a creator, and she tries to heal as well. "allowing creation/healing of life or inviting creation/healing through life". from a literal standpoint, she tries to help bear heal by trying to get him to open up, to live, to make friends and interact with people. this could almost seem like a blood player move, but while a lot of aimseys arc is about bonds and relationships, shes not really a strong connecter or leader, shes just good at inspiring others to be, to her own detriment.

also notably, unhealthy sylphs crave, whether craving more of their own aspect, or craving another aspect when they feel theirs is not enough. aimsey talks a lot about how she grew up doing things by her lonesome, and now that she feels like people are moving on without her, she may be craving blood (that sounds so awful out of context). she wants attachments, wants to be the person that brings everyone together, but.. she isnt, not in a way thats appreciated. and due to her insecurities, she sees this as a flaw within himself, and as something to fix. so, she latches onto beep, and desperately tries to have as much of an effect on their life as they do on hers. like life players in general, sylphs try to solve their problems under the guise of helping someone else with theirs. currently, aimsey seems to be trying to find what she needs to do, because when she tried to do what she thought she needed to do, she (from her perspective) failed, so now shes trying to make up for her perceived failure within herself by trying to help herself through helping beep. i would think into it even more but i think its probably best to just leave it here KEKW