#the fact that you can transgress on a familial relationship... Brother means more to them than Girlfriend or Wife or even just Spouse

[cannibalisam]

dark side of the moon is probably the Most Telling episode because it is 100% about sam and dean's relationship preseries (and how all that fits into the Divorce Arc we're going through at that time in the series.) ... like i already said before that dean's speech to sam in the first episode of s5 about how he can't trust him anymore was how a Woman Who Got Cheated On acts. but the throwing away of the samulet in this episode... because dean remembered (and found out) some of sam's earlier "transgressions", when he throws it away, it acts as the throwing away of a Wedding Ring. because of how much emphasis is placed on this necklace and because he threw it away IN FRONT OF SAM specifically to HURT SAM. not to mention the fact that (in later seasons) it is LITERALLY used as a "symbol to remind [dean] how [he] feels about [his] brother" i just think it's pretty obvious. so like... the fact that he throws away his wedding ring (teehee) after EVERYTHING they went through with ruby and the seals and lilith and lucifer and EVERYTHING... is because sam's heaven didn't include dean. or included him peripherally on the worst days/NIGHT of his life (the night sam went away) ... to dean that's like being "cheated on" (irt ruby) all over again. AND THAT'S WHY THIS SHOW IS INSANE. BECAUSE IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE IN ANY OTHER NARRATIVE.

[marlshroom]

came to the fucked up realization after finishing gravity falls again last night the parallels of the dream bubble bill made for mabel and the literal state of delusion he keeps himself in.

in the book of bill on the page where bill cipher describes how he figured out a way to manipulate her into giving him the rift, it says:

"Summers ending, my guy. Ending to death, bro. She'd do anything to make it last just a day longer. Probably something RASH and OUT OF CHARACTER, even!"

as we know, mabel cannot handle the fact that she will be growing up. that the relationship with her brother is going to change. she is scared of high school.

bill then says "That was it. She'd never make a deal with me. But she'd make a deal with someone she believed could give her more time. The dream was done. I had her."

bill then creates the dream bubble for mabel, he makes every one of her dreams come true, a place where time is still and she can be a kid forever. a lie so great that she wont have to face the truth.

in journal 3 on one of the pages bill is writing in code, we see this:

[ID: "I ask you, why must[should] time only move forward? Why must cause preceded effect. Who voted on the law of physics."]

my friend helped me break down what bill means by this:

why can we only move forward in the 4th dimension of time. why does something have to make another thing happen, why must cause come before the effect. why cant you move backwards, in the other direction, change the decisions youve made.

how interpret this is bill asking why he is not able to back and stop what he did to his family. he says to ford that he tried and failed to undo the past.** why did him wanting people to acknowledge his advantages instead of suppress him lead to the destruction of his whole dimension?

**(i just want to point out that this is probably the time where bill is the MOST open to anybody, or at least the first. to his henchmaniacs he had been telling them that he liberated his dimension until the oracle discovered the truth. here, to ford, he got so much closer to telling the truth. he SHOWS ford the last atoms of his world. he says that it was destroyed by a monster, not that it was liberated! destroyed)

back to when bill says "I had her" about mabel, he had her cause he knew exactly what needed to happen to trap mabel in a delusion because it is exactly what he is doing to himself. creating a fake narrative of what happened to him, that he was vindicated in killing his whole dimension. only ever doing exactly what he wants because confronting the truth is too scary for him(good fucking lord). the morality page offers good insight into this too.

i am actually just going to quote the whole page and highlight the important part. it speaks for itself really

"THE POINT IS it's[morality] is a very flexible concept! But parents and presidents don't want you to know that, because then you might start asking other questions, like who put them in charge, anyway? So they cram your brain full of guilt and regrets for transgressing the laws that they just made up(the laws that they made to prevent the destruction of their dimension, regardless of if the law + the wrongful medication of a fucking baby triangle did any good to actually prevent it). Wouldn't it be nice if you could put all that baggage down? Quell the shame that follows you everywhere for a lifetime of crimes? MAKE THE SCREAMS FINALLY STOP? The good news is you CAN silence that annoying voice, and here's how!

DENIAL

Works 100% of the time in every situation. What you you mean there are people who disagree? I can confidently say there aren't!

RATIONALIZATION

If you can do it, you can justify it! "Truth" is open-source code and anyone can edit it anytime! Want to be like me? List 3 "evil" things and then 3 "reasons why they're actually good." You'll be rationalizing like Bill in no time!

DETACHMENT

Did you know 100% of your human cells die and are replaced every 7 years? That means that anything you did 7 years ago wasn't even you-it was some dead loser! You can't be held accountable for what a dead person did! What? You think this is just another form of rationalization? I DENY THAT!

THE BILL CIPHER DECISION METHOD!

Working over the eons, the voices in my head teamed up and worked out a foolproof method for making any decision in any situation.

DO WHATEVER I WANT."

ooooooooooooooooooh boy.

he is fully admitting here that he is living in a completely different really in order to justify doing whatever he wants. he gives mabel the tools to deny, to rationalize, to detach herself from the reality of it all. that time has to move forward. and he thinks it will work because it worked on himself.

but it doesn't work on mabel because she understands that she needs other people. shes vunerable, she lets people in, admits when shes wrong. and bill cant do that because it would destroy the fantasy he's created for himself.

[thebluelemontree]

I know GRRM has previously stated that ADwD!Tyrion is at his lowest point, but I find it very hard to see how he will ever redeem himself given what he has done and what he has participated in. Do you believe readers gloss over the tragedies he faces i.e. slavery, the Tysha revelation, and do you see path for redemption?

I think with the fandom in general there does seem to be a proportional relationship to the amount of careful consideration people give their problematic favs versus how little they give to a character that is decidedly not their fav. Full disclosure: Tyrion is not one of my favs. There are moments I don��t like him and I don’t personally connect with him. He’s deliberately written to be someone most readers will wrestle with. Out of all the POVs, he’s probably the most psychologically complex and fraught with a minefield of trauma-induced hot buttons. As we know, profound trauma and horrific family dynamics rarely produce saintly victims who suffer beautifully, quietly, and always behave magnanimously. I am by no means an expert on Tyrion; however, I do know he definitely started out as a good person. Early AGOT Tyrion is a pretty decent fellow who validated Jon’s feelings of anger and resentment and designed a saddle to accommodate Bran’s disability for no other reason than he just empathized with them both. Even later on, he does stand up for Sansa against Joffrey’s cruelty, even though their marriage was a miserable farce and act of war against her family. Sansa seems to bear no personal ill-will toward him despite it. I think we should leave room for the possibility the impression he made with small kindnesses in the beginning could come back around to foster peace and mutual forgiveness between the Starks and Lannisters toward the end. 

But before that he was a sweet, loving kid until he was brutally disabused of the notion that anyone could possibly love him. I can’t imagine anything worse than your own father violently raping by proxy two innocent kids for the crime of his son being happy and believing for one single second that he was loved for himself. He’s experienced a lifetime of continuous physical, sexual, mental, and verbal abuse on top of ableist bigotry and repeated scapegoating that nearly cost him his life more than once. For all his dark gray, unlikable moments, it’s actually kind of a miracle that Tyrion still retains what goodness he does have when he could have been totally fucked up beyond repair, without any pity or compassion left in him, and hating all of humanity with every fiber of his being.   

GRRM does a good job of delivering blow after intensifying blow leading up to the moment he snaps and murders Tywin and Shae.There’s the overwhelming stress of the trial for the regicide he was framed for, one where his guilt and conviction is a foregone conclusion. The public humiliation and betrayal of Shae’s false testimony where his sexuality is served up for mockery. The people of KL are literally bloodthirsty and cheering for his death. There’s the momentary hope and crushing defeat of Oberyn Martell championing him in the trial by combat. Then finally Jaime drops the Tysha bomb. I mean, wow... it’s a lot. It’s totally understandable why he goes to the Hand’s tower to confront his father instead of escaping immediately. Personally, I don’t think he has to be sorry about killing Tywin at all. That pile of excrement had it coming and deserved a painful, ignoble death on the shitter at minimum. Shae is the only one there that has enough mitigating factors to say she definitely didn’t deserve to be strangled to death, though I get how it happened in the heat of the moment under intense mental duress. I think he needs to atone for that one, and I say that as someone who thinks Shae is a callous, conniving, greedy, low-level bloodsucker without any redeeming qualities. Yet, killing either of them, especially Tywin, didn’t bring Tyrion any peace or satisfaction whatsoever. Kinslaying is still up there with the most cursed of transgressions. It’s major part of his spiral into the tormented abyss we see in ADWD.  

It’s been a long time since I read ADWD as it’s not my favorite part of the series, so my memory of all the details is not the best. And like I said, I am not an expert on Tyrion. The general impression I get is that Tyrion thinks that he thinks he hates humanity and he’s finally become the monster everyone believed him to be. So he rages against practically everything and everyone. He certainly harbors a hatred for the people of KL and the sister sitting on the throne. There is a high probability he acts upon those feelings and helps usher in a catastrophic tragedy out of vengeance. Just as an example, he is aware of the wildfire cache sitting under KL and that knowledge can be used in a really bad way. Might be that crossing a point of no return, which may feel glorious in the moment, is ironically the thing that causes him to recoil in horror and regret after the dust settles. Consider Tyrion’s dream about the duality of himself: 

That night Tyrion Lannister dreamed of a battle that turned the hills of Westeros as red as blood. He was in the midst of it, dealing death with an axe as big as he was, fighting side by side with Barristan the Bold and Bittersteel as dragons wheeled across the sky above them. In the dream he had two heads, both noseless. His father led the enemy, so he slew him once again. Then he killed his brother, Jaime, hacking at his face until it was a red ruin, laughing every time he struck a blow. Only when the fight was finished did he realize that his second head was weeping.

If the two heads are both noseless, then they are both present day Tyrion. There are two sides of him right now that are equally capable of reveling in bloody vengeance and weeping for someone he still loves even though they wounded him deeply. 

Then what? Well, the thing about hitting your lowest point is that you can either dwell there until you fatally self-destruct or you can find your way back up. Granted, ADWD Tyrion is in a dark place, but there’s still space to get even darker for at least a little while in TWOW. It is possible Tyrion spends the rest of his life atoning for his worst actions during this period, using his intellectual gifts (even the parts that are Tywin writ small) to serve the needs of the people he has harmed. And it does make good story sense for someone who grew to hate humanity for very understandable reasons still found it in himself to care about it enough to save it. Even sacrifice himself for it if necessary since there’s a strong possibility he is a dragon rider. Since all signs seem to point to him ultimately playing a heroic role against the Others, we can rule out the idea that he just says good riddance to bad rubbish and laughs while the world ends. That has to mean something, right? 

There is always a path for redemption for anyone who sees the wrong of what they’ve done, has heartfelt remorse, and commits themselves to meaningful and lasting change. It’s not really about forgiveness at all, although that sometimes happens alongside redemption and it’s certainly easier for people to forgive once they see change. Redemption is work the character must do themselves for the right reasons. It’s not a status granted to them by other people. In fact, it’s probably more sincere when someone decides to do right anyway even if no one ever thinks better of them. If Tyrion (or any other character) is unforgivable to you, then the best worst thing that could happen is that they have to live a long life and spend all of it repaying their karmic debt. Even if he’s not my fav or your fav, a lot of people out there still do relate to him and the things he’s been through. A lot of people are not okay and not good victims from the trauma they’ve suffered. Fiction with redemption that is possible for anyone gives people hope that they could be better too, and there’s no other instance in the books that makes me think GRRM is cynical about redemption. The only way redemption isn’t happening for Tyrion is if he choses not pursue it. 

[dancing-withthedoctor]

Okey so Hi, me again! :)

I am actually wondering if the main characters are humans or/and other creatures?

Also, if you want to share it of course, I am wondering what relation are between them? Like how did they met and why? Maybe there's bigger purpose behind it?

*all their names have meanings and direct connects to who they are i just forget some of them 

here are their character sheets and a little worldbuilding mixed in

Name: Uriel

Gender: Male (he/him)

Race/Ethnicity: Angel, Caucasian

Age: Unknown (roughly 20 in human years if I had to give a number)

Family/Ancestry: An angel created by God, hierarchy system of angels (Archangels -> angels -> humans, this hierarchy system is only specific to their Realm), no "blood relatives", angels intended purpose is to protect and serve humans while providing knowledge, wisdom, and guidance

Realm: Realm of Angels (this name is a wip)

Appearance: light skin, blue eyes, silky long white hair, 6’ 1”, slender body, wears a pure cotton full body robe

Personality: quiet, observant, reserved, has a fascination with knowledge and learning about other cultures, is learning to have empathy for the other races however it’s not tolerated towards the Fallen

Hobbies: playing his harp, reading history books, (with his exploration in the book he develops the hobbies of talking walks in the woods/enjoying nature, collects plants and herbs for fun) 

Abilities: has the ability to heal, though healing only goes so far, wings can help him fly, trained at a young age to use a sword in combat if necessary 

Sexuality: Asexual 

~~~~

Name: Azazel (Nickname: Zaz)

Gender: Male (He/Him)

Race/Ethnicity: Angel (Fallen), Mixed (Caucasian/African)

Age: Unknown (roughly 21 or so in human years if i had to give a number)

Family/Ancestry: was created by God, no longer associated with the Angels, no “blood relatives”, considered to be a Fallen due to past transgressions, has a younger sister (not by blood) that he has protected ever since he lost his right to be an Angel

Realm: Realm of Obscurum (obscurum means darkness in latin)

Appearance: Brown skin, red (maroon) eyes , medium length dark hair with streaks of white, 5’ 10”, slightly muscular build, wears a thin black turtleneck sweater, black cargo pants, combat boots, and a hooded cape

Personality: withdrawn due to his outcasting, empathetic but doesn’t express emotions well, aggressive, doesn’t trust people well, protector

Hobbies: hunting, collecting herbs (natural healing remedies), sharpening knives, playing with his sister 

Abilities: was trained in sword wielding, but he prefers smaller dual wielding knives like daggers, hand-to-hand combat, used to have the ability to heal, knows a lot about the body

Sexuality: Gay (no this is not the reason he got cast out of the Realm of Angels)

~~~~

Name: Mitis (Nickname: Tess) (mitis means gentle in latin)

Gender: Non-binary (she/they), they use their pronouns interchangeably, however in her human form she prefers (she/her) and in their fae form they prefer (they/them)

Race/Ethnicity: Faerie, Scottish or Irish i can't decide lol

Age: 300 (roughly 19 years human age)

Family/Ancestry: Faeries have been around longer than the comprehension of the human mind. Mitis comes from a large family, filled with more brothers and sisters than she can count. Fae culture is deep rooted in survival, family, and trust. In their nature states, the fae are easily controlled due to their small size, so over the years with their magic, they can now present as human if they so choose

Realm: Realm of Faes

Appearance: in her “human form” she’s 5’ 1”, red curly hair (wears a crown made of twigs, leaves, and flowers), freckles across their cheeks, green eyes, wears a short dress made of lilies, in her fae form, they look exactly the same but she’s an inch tall 

Personality: peacekeeper, kind and loyal, headstrong, pacifist, wants to be a hero, wants to be considered an individual, but since she has so many siblings, she gets referred to as “they” and the pronoun stuck but it's comforting for them, extrovert

Hobbies: reading, drawing maps, playing and talking with her siblings

Abilities: human form: bow and arrow (since being human is new and recent ability for the fae, she taught herself how to use a bow and arrow to defend herself), fae form: plant type magic (since they have developed their powers from birth, it's the strongest magic they possess)

Sexuality: Pansexual

~~~~

Name: Sibyl (nickname: Sib) (another word for seer)

Gender: Female (She/Her)

Race/Ethnicity: Human, Mixed (Filipino/Caucasian)

Age: 19

Family/Ancestry: Humans have been kept in check by the other Realms, but with that being said, they are the lowest Realm in terms of wealth and power. The Archangels in the Realm of Angels are in charge of looking after and governing the Realm of Humans as it is their duty to. She grew up without knowing her father, living with a single mother. She was blind at birth, but was also given the ability to see into the future. Maybe her father had magical abilities? But as far as anyone is concerned he was human too.

Realm: Realm of Humans (might change this name later)

Appearance: tan skin, short wavy black hair (neck length), grey eyes, 5’, wears a dark blue dress with see through sleeves (a slit down the middle of the sleeve), with a dark blue hooded cape, wears a belt with her essentials (weapons, food, water, etc)

Personality: Due to being exploited at a young age for her Seer Powers (as a way for her and her mother to make money), she has grown a distaste for people and beings in general, stubborn, manipulative, cold

Hobbies: Unknown

Abilities: can see into the future, can use her ability willingly when physically connected to the person in question, has some fighting abilities due to other heightened senses,, overexertion causes headaches and nosebleeds

Sexuality: Unknown (questioning) 

~~~~

Name: Indra (means warrior god of sky and rain in indian)

Gender: Female (She/Her)

Race/Ethnicity: Water Nymph, Indian

Age: 18 (water nymph years)

Family/Ancestry: Water Nymphs come from the ancestry of all women. Water nymphs are “born” during heavy rainstorms or thunderstorms. Heavy rainstorms/thunderstorms only happen roughly every few centuries due to water nymphs having a shorter lifespan (mother nature type of situation, in order to not flood the world). Water Nymphs tend to stay in one area, but the ocean is expanding drastically. Indra was born during one of the most destructive rainstorms of the century, she was the only one born that century and that’s how she received her name. She was raised by a community of Water Nymphs, she considers them all her sisters.

Realm: Realm of Nexus (Realm of Nexus is the largest of the physical present Realms on the planet)

Appearance: blue skin, plump cheeks, dark long wavy hair, purple/violet eyes, 5’ 3”, wears a tube top and high/low flared shirt, wear a bracelet made of grass and it has a little water lily attached to it 

Personality: positive, free-spirited, emotionally oriented, headstrong, mischievous

Hobbies: swimming, taking care of animals, sunbathing, having conversations with people close to her, training

Abilities: emotional based powers, powers are heightened when her emotions are heightened (both positive and negative emotions), negative emotions are more destructive while positive emotions are more creative, uses water around her as a weapon

Sexuality: Straight

~~~~

Name: Lunar

Gender: Male (He/Him)

Race/Ethnicity: idk he's from the moon :), African

Age: 19

Family/Ancestry: Not much is known about space and anything beyond Earth (aside from the Realm of Angels), but what is being recently discovered is that there is a civilization on the Moon, a new peace treaty was introduced and now they are considered a Realm. No one really knows how they got there, but they are similar to humans except they use telepathic communication to reach each other. Talking vocally is not uncommon, Lunar has selective mutism which means at a younger something traumatic happened and he chooses not to speak.  Lunar was picked  to explore Earth and everything it has to offer. Lunar comes from a family of four; a mother, father, and a younger sister. Lunar uses telepathic communication, written communication, and USL (universal sign language) to communicate with others.

Realm: currently travelling between realms *an excuse to not call it Realm of the Moon 🤡

Appearance: long braided white hair, blue-grey skin tone, dark blue eyes, 5’ 5”, lanky build (but also stronger than he looks), wears white dress shirt with a dark blue vest, belt, and black pants, wears dress shoes, wears a satchel that holds his notebook and pen (his communication devices)

Personality: calm, quiet, reasonable, strategic, sweet, great listener

Hobbies: charting stars, playing with his younger sister, traveling

Abilities: telepathic, can communicate with others through his mind (with their permission), if there is a full moon, he can manipulate people’s thoughts though he's never done so, when communicating out-of-mind; he signs or writes it in his notebook

Sexuality: Straight

~~~~

As for the next part of your ask, im completely fine talking about their relationships with each other and how they met (though as of rn, some stuff is set in stone and other aren't)

let's start with ships! so there are 2 ships out of the six and only one of them is romantic. lunar and indra will eventually be in a romantic relationship, they were the easiest to pair together. I first created what kind of being they were going to be. indra and lunar are inspired by the fact that the moon pulls the tides on the earth, so you could say its fate :') the second relationship is uriel and azazel, they are platonic soulmates. i had to give a lot of thought about uriel and azazel's relationship and what I wanted it to be or mean. all I can say is, is that uriel is asexual and comes to that revelation through self growth with zaz! I also thought about having mitis and sibyl have some kind of romantic relationship, but I didn't feel right so they are simply friends and who will eventually trust each other a great deal.

i like to think of them as a family: uriel and zaz are like the parents of the group (zaz will never admit it though), mitis and indra and the mischievous kids, they mess around and do dumb stuff because it looks fun, sibyl is like the brooding teenager (if this world had headphones, she'd never listen to anybody), and lunar is just the good kid parents always want lol

next is how they all met! this is actually what I'm trying to figure out in my writing right now, so its great that you asked this because I can think on it and solidify it more. the rough idea i have, is that uriel finds an old book hidden behind a wall or a bookshelf in one of the historical archives that tells a story of the future (Uriel's present) of the event of a catastrophe that hasn't happened yet, but six individuals from all 6 Relams needing to save the world. uriel is essentially the catalyst that gets the group together because curiosity got the best of him. in terms of the order they met: Uriel meets Sibyl because he was assigned to monitor her and guided her cause she was causing ruckus in the Realm of Human. Sibyl gets a glimpse of the future and decides to trust him enough to see this through, they then meet Azazel, Mitis, and Indra (though I don't know what specific order yet) and Lunar is last, and they literally just run into him as their traveling in the woods like "who are you 😳" 

also yes, them coming together definitely has more than its letting on, but I'll keep it to myself for now ;)

~~~~

im still working out the kinks of the whole "saving the world" bit and whether or not I should introduce a villain to the story! but each of the main six do have problems of their own they have to solve and most importantly they have to learn to coexist because the fate of the world depends on it

im sorry this post was so long, it was probably a lot of reading, but I meant it when I said I'd talk your ear off lol feel free to ask more questions:) 

[bagheerita]

So I just finished Empire of Gold and need to gush about The Daevabad Trilogy for a minute.

(I try to be vague, but that's exactly when I up and hit you with low-key SPOILERS, so be aware.)

My rambling is only barely organized into the format of randomly selected topics in order to provide a vague outline for my outflowing of affection for each book.

CITY OF BRASS

Favorite character: Definitely Nahri. I love a woman who isn't afraid to go after what she wants, and boy howdy do I love me a pragmatist. AND do I love me a girl who can keep her head on her shoulders even when she's in-lust with man. As much as she is truly falling in love with Dara, she never forgets the way he looked at her when he thought she was shafit and his relief when Ghassan said she wasn't. She would have married him if he had offered I think, but she was smart enough to make him take the first step to cross the gap that his prejudice had put between them.

Most impressive thing: The way the author uses her narrator to tell a story that the narrative character doesn't always fully understand. This mostly comes through Ali's chapters at this point cause he's a little naive, but it's really skillfully done.

 KINGDOM OF COPPER

Least favorite thing: There are some moments that just felt... weirdly written. There's three big ones that come to mind...

At the beginning- the way the writing describes the environment. I'm paraphrasing because it's been a week since I read it and I don’t remember details, but it's like "the only sound in the graveyard was the distant sound of cats fighting" then, five minutes later "The only sound was the sound of coins jingling in her basket."  Like, where were those coins five minutes ago?! Also, why does an experienced thief put coins in a jingly basket that is easy to steal or drop instead of hiding them on her person??? (That's super nitpicky, but it was the first chapter, so I noticed it more.)

The second big moment that annoyed me was... okay so Dara learns that Muntadhir is bisexual through mind-reading powers that he's never previously demonstrated? I mean, there are enough clues about how he does it, and it makes sense to the character's history that he can sense peoples’ desires, but it felt weird that this is the only time we really see him use this power- here, as the inciting incident to the third act, where so much of the plot revolves around it. Dara already knew that Ghassan was planning to force Nahri to marry Muntadhir, they'd already talked about this, so I'm not sure what about Muntadhir being in a relationship with a man, as opposed to the multiple women he’s slept with this week, was enough to make this prospect so immediately repugnant that Dara goes absolutely stupid about it and incites the climax of the book.

Then there's the epilogue that basically just exists to point out what we already learned about Muntadhir and Jamshid. I thought that was kind of unnecessary, as no one in this epilogue scene, including the reader, doesn't already know about this relationship. Though the epilogue does also contain what I think was supposed to be foreshadowing, but which sent me off on a weird mental tangent where I spent most of the second book thinking Jamshid was the reincarnation of Rustam...

Favorite character: Muntadhir, hands down. There is one scene in particular, where he sasses Dara while dying of poison that is just my favorite scene in the entire book. I mean, I think part of my enjoyment was that I had been worried that he was about to be a victim of the Bury Your Gays trope, so when he shows back up still not dead I was so relieved to see him I literally squeeeed, and then he's bragging to Dara about something I explicitly know didn't happen, just actively involved in assassinating his own character because he has nothing else he can give to save his brother at that point except trying to distract Dara by enraging him... omg, do I love me some brotherly feels- my second favorite scene was the three siblings in a closet plotting a coup.

Least favorite thing: Dara lying to himself and justifying Manizheh's actions for the entire book. I get that the fact that he was lied to and betrayed by the people in power that he should have been able to trust is a big part of his arc, but I was not excited to have his POV added to this book just to have him and everyone around him spout off more prejudiced victim narrative bullshit every time I flipped to his chapters, like I wasn't getting enough of that from practically every other character in the story.

Most impressive thing: The author draws some really great parallels and contrasts between the 3 main characters and their journeys that I absolutely love. In chapter 2, Nahri says something like "Where's your sense of adventure?" to her new friend and then literally in the next chapter Ali says "Have you no sense of inquisitiveness?" to his new friend. (I don't like to call ships that early in the story, but I was like- these two are fated to be best friends if not something more.)  A bit later in the story, Dara is presented with a choice: to do the easy thing or to do the Right thing, and he chooses the easy path even though he knows that it's wrong. After this, Ali is presented with a choice: to do the easy thing or the Right thing, and he does the Right thing, even though he knows that it ultimately probably won't help. I just really love that this story always feels like every narrative POV and every chapter fully develops the character and contributes to the world. 

I also really love the twists and turns that Ali and Nahri’s relationship has taken over these first two books. They really have grown as individuals, and have believed the best and worst of each other, and understand each other in a way that is a great foundation for a truly lasting friendship (which is, of course, the best bedrock for building a more intimate relationship).

 EMPIRE OF GOLD

Favorite character: Sobek. I have a soft spot for unrepentant murderers who have a soft spot for the people they find interesting.

Least favorite thing: It ended? I know this book was long enough to be an entire trilogy on its own, but I would have loved more at the end from the side characters. Like, I want 100 more pages just about Jamshid and Muntadhir. I was explicit confirmation of what Zaynab and Aquisa are up to, and a sequel trilogy about their adventures. I want more about Fiza and what her plans are for the future. I want orchard shenanigans with Mishmish. I want more about Sudha and her family. I want more about Nahri conning everyone into making a functional government, and I want more about the trials of everyone in the city learning to not hate and judge as a first reflex. Just MORE!

Most impressive thing: Overall I was just impressed with this entire book. If I had to pick one thing, I would probably say I was most impressed, and pleasantly surprised, by Dara's ending. By this point in the story, I was certain that Dara had transgressed every transgression that it was possible to transgress, and lied to himself the entire way, only deciding upon the Right course of action when it was exactly 2 minutes too late, so I was prepared for him to find Redemption in Death. But once again I was pleasantly surprised at this story's refusal to follow popular story tropes, when it instead granted him true freedom as he perhaps had never known in his life, and the ability to choose who he would live that life in service of- choosing to help those who, like him, had been victims of the ifrit. 

I want more stories like this, about characters who are unforgivable, but who are forgiven- not by people or by those they have wronged, but by the narrative itself. Who are able and allowed to rededicate their lives to something, choosing to see their own actions and commit to helping people instead of just blindly following.

 OVERALL

Favorite character: I want to say Nahri, though I also really appreciate Ali and his quiet growth from being naive and kind of annoying to a man who is finally comfortable with and understands himself. But I think I’m going to have to choose Jamshid. I really like characters who are honest with themselves about their motivations, and I really admire his willingness to be open to change, to having his entire world and beliefs be turned upside down and try to go with the new way of being instead of holding on to the past, to confess his sins and be honest with Nahri, to believe in the people he knows rather than in what others say about them when Manizheh tries to manipulate him, to have been through everything he's been through and still retain a sense of humor and a generally upbeat personality.

The author does a good job of presenting all of the characters as fully rounded people so that there isn't really a character that I find poorly written. I definitely disagree with a lot of characters, and dislike them as individual people, and Manizheh comes the closest to being someone I truly hate, but you can see the paths that brought these people to be who they are. There are some great lines- where I think it's Nahri who notes that Ghassan's father make him like he was by his abuse, as he had twisted Manizheh  up with his own abuse, and that Muntadhir could have easily become just like his father. All people have the potential inside of them to be good or to be evil, and they are formed by the circumstances of their lives, the choices they make, and the power they give to the relationships they have.  I also loved that, once she learns the truth about her parents, Nahri notes how much of herself she gets from her Egyptian mother, just as much as she got her Nahid heritage from Rustam, and that it's a part of her that she can be proud of and celebrate.

 Most impressive thing: I don't like "realistic" fantasy, where lots of people die, because that tends to be an excuse for the book to just be really depressing. This story really surprised me by being realistic but in a way that was still full of hope. Sometimes people are terrible, or they are broken by the world and can no longer see anything beyond their pain, and a lot of the time the institutions we have created are terrible and are built on terrible things. But there is still always a need for people who do the right thing, who stand up for those who are being treated unfairly, who are willing to make sacrifices to break down the "us" and "them" that divides people. Who are willing to see change not as something to be feared but as a beautiful potential.

Least MOST favorite thing:  As Chakraborty herself notes in her afterward:  "There are days when it feels silly and selfish to spend my days crafting tales of monsters and magic. But I still believe, desperately, in the power of stories. If you take any message from this trilogy, I hope it is to choose what's right even when it seems hopeless - especially when it seems hopeless. Stand for justice, be a light, and remember what it is we were promised by the One who knows better.

“With every hardship comes ease."

I also believe in the power of stories, and I’m so excited to have been able to experience this one.  <3

[iamthelostsundrop]

Apologize

ALRIGHT FUCKERS IM GONNA WARN YOU RIGHT HERE THIS PROBABLY WILL BE TRIGGERING TO SOME!!! Avoid if you are triggered by anything related o Abusive Relationships, Abuse, Trauma involving being harmed by someone else, Domestic Abuse, Domestic Violence or ANYTHING RELATED YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!! THIS DOES NOT HAVE A HAPPY ENDING

This was a cola with my very best friend who does not have a tumblr, we will call her Lady Of Slytherin. Thank you Lady Sly for helping me relate this twisted masterpiece.

Dabi X Reader 2400+ words enjoy our filth

🔥☄️🔥☄️🔥☄️🔥☄️🔥☄️🔥☄️🔥☄️🔥☄️🔥☄️🔥☄️🔥☄️🔥☄️🔥☄️🔥☄️🔥

You’d been through so much together. Every time he fucked up, you gave him another chance. You fell for the puppy dog eyes. Those blue eyes that you got lost in every time. You couldn’t say no to him. But this time, Dabi had gone too far, and you didn’t think you could come back from this.

You met him at a bar of all places. A skeevy bar your best friend Himiko convinced you was the best place to meet guys after your last break up.

“I promise, (Y/N), this place is awesome and I promise you’ll find someone.”

You rolled your eyes at her but continued to let yourself be dragged towards the alleyway and the sign lighting up the dark with neon letters that spelled BAR. “Yeah. Right”

The place was creepy to say the least; no more than five people in the whole place. Of course this would be the place your friend dragged you to. She was always finding these backwoods, out of the way places to go.

You instantly went up to the bartender and ordered a strong drink. You sensed you were going to need it. Toga was already off in the corner talking to some guy with blue hair whose face you couldn’t see. He seemed agitated and kept gesturing back to you. You hurried your head in your drink and quickly ordered another. You weren’t getting a very good feeling, but you still took the moment to look around at the other patrons. There was Himiko and the blue haired young man in the corner. A tall man in a top hat and tailcoat like he was going to perform at the circus later. One man seemed to have some sort of animal like quirk, his body resembled a lizard. The bartender himself seemed to be made of blue black swirling mist. Finally the last patron was a young man, about your age, with patchwork skin. You looked over at him with interest, he was cute for sure. Maybe this bar wasn’t such a bad idea.

Toga skipped back over to you with a mixed look on her face. “So. I may have gotten into a little trouble for bringing you here but that’s okay. Boss said you could stay since you’re quirkless.”

You gave her a perturbed look, but before you could speak she grabbed your arm and dragged you to each bar patron and introduced you. They all seemed friendly enough, Spinner and Mr. Compress anyway. Tomura didn’t seem too excited about you being there, like you’d intruded on some secret boys club. He kept his face hidden from you, but you didn’t mind so much. You were a guest in their bar, you’d be respectful of their wishes. Toga had explained this was the meeting place of their secret club. You were fine with that. When she pulled you back to the bar, you noticed the handsome man again. “Whose that?”

Toga looked over to the man and rolled her eyes. “That’s Dabi. Tall, dark and brooding.” A dark and excited look passed her face “Just your type” Before you could speak, she had you by the arm and dragged you over to him. “Dabi. Meet my very bestest friend ever, (Y/N)” she said, unceremoniously pushing you into the chair next to him.

You stared daggers into your best friend, who of course ignored you. “Sorry. Toga is a bit much” The young man gave you a curt smirk, looking you up and down with those piercing turquoise eyes. “Don’t, worry about it. I’m used to her brand of fun. Nice to meet you.” He gave you a dashing smile, and you melted. “Kuroguri, why don’t you get the lady another drink”

From that moment on, Dabi had you eating out of the palm of his hand. You became a regular at the bar the League inhabited. They all knew you by name, and even Shiggy got used to you being around. Once he and the others knew you wouldn’t turn them in to the heroes they all relaxed a little bit.

Toga was over the moon when you started hanging around more, and she teased you endlessly after that first night when you let Dabi escort you home. “I know you would like him! I am the best matchmaker in the whole world.”

You didn’t want to admit it, but she was right. You and Dabi got along swimmingly, which you would have never expected given his bad boy persona. You had always been the goody goody girl. Straight A’s, Perfect attendance, all of that. That changed when you started seeing him. He'd show up at your window while you were getting ready for class, comment on your schoolgirl skirt and inevitably sweet talk you into bed and convince you to spend the day with him. When he couldn’t convince you, you spent your day in class daydreaming about the night before. You spent all of your free time at the bar with the league. You’d even gone so far as to help them out with menial tasks such as fetching specific things they needed for their plans Ana’s even doing a little bit of spying on the UA kids.

You tried your best to please him and keep Dabi happy, but it wasn’t always easy. He was moody sometimes and you didn’t do what he wanted quick enough and he got annoyed and cranky. If he was having a particularly bad day, he’d take it out on you. Depending on how bad it was, he would yell, push you around, squeeze your arm or wrist so hard that you bruised or got a sprain. It always seemed worse whenever you were watching TV together and Endeavor appeared. A severely sprained and bruised wrist taught you very quickly not to ask Dabi why the sight of the No. 2 hero made him so mad and you never brought up the man around him either.

Despite all this, Dabi had never seriously hurt you. After every incident, he had always apologized and it led to fantastic makeup sex. You didn’t mind, you loved him. He made you feel so very much alive. He made you feel like the most beautiful creature on earth whenever he’d talk to you in that sweet little way that he only reserved for you, kiss you until your knees buckled in bliss. You would do anything for him, set the whole world on fire and bring him Endevor’s head to see that smile that Dabi would give only you; you weren’t stupid enough to take on the flaming bastard, you knew very well that it would end badly for you and lead the heroes back to the League. Even if you were caught and tortured, you’d never betray the man you loved and your new friends.

But then came that day that changed everything forever. It had been an honest mistake. Just because you were helping the League, didn’t mean you were completely heartless. So when you saw a man in a wheelchair at the nearby market struggling to reach some things, you immediately went over to help. He was very good looking, but had nothing on Dabi of course. This guy had the wholesome good guy act going on, so it wasn’t a turn on for you

He thanked you profusely, looking rather sheepish over the fact that he needed help with doing some basic tasks. He admitted that while the accident that put him in the wheelchair had happened some time ago, he was still trying to adjust to doing things differently.

You smiled, amused by his bashful expression and offered to help him around the store. He agreed and you two were off. As you helped him shop, you learned he had a brother in high school and you could hear the pride in his voice as he talked about his little brother taking up the family mantle. It made you wish your own family had talked about you that way. Once finished, you helped him secure his bags and walked him out of the store, bidding him farewell as he wheeled away.

But little did you know that someone had seen the entire interaction as teal eyes ablaze with fury watched you from the alley as you walked towards the bar. After everything he had done for you, after sticking up for you, after convincing the others to let you stay, after all the love he had given you, this was how you repaid him? Forget about the League punishing you for this serious transgression, he’d punish you himself and he’d make sure you wouldn’t forget it.

He hit you when you least expected it. You had said goodbye to the man in the chair and made your way to the bar, taking a shortcut you knew would get you to your boyfriend quicker when you were hit from behind, hard. You were knocked off your feet and you skidded on the unforgiving ground a few feet away from where you’d been standing. Head pounding, you turned to see your attacker, surprise in your eyes slowly turning to terror. You’d never seen Dabi this angry before. His eyes seemed to glow with fury.

“Babe, what-“ He cut you off with a blow of cold fire directly to your left, destroying a trash bin.

“Don’t you babe me you treacherous slut” he seethed as he walked closer to you.

You scooted away from him, purse forgotten on the ground. You were so confused. What was he talking about?

“You think you can just go around flirting with heroes whenever you want?”

What? Flirting? Wait.

“You mean me helping that man back there? He was in a wheelchair and he was struggling with his things. I’m not a hero but I’m not heartless, Dabi. I wasn’t going to stand by and wat-“ The ground next to you exploded in blue flames as he cut you off again.

“You’re not listening here babe,” The patchwork villain kneeled down and put his face next to yours and a tight hand on your upper arm. “You’re my girl. That means,” the cold heat creeped up to your shoulder and down to your fingertips as he ignited your arm. Before you could scream, his free hand covered your mouth. “That you’re mine. You do as I say. You go where I tell you to go. You talk to who I say you can talk to. No one else. Listen babe. You don't have friends anymore. Just me. You’d have nothing without me. I took such good care of you, loved you when no one else would. And then you go and throw it all back in my face by acting like a worthless whore for some paralyzed ex hero who probably can’t even get it up anymore. Got anything to say in your defense, fucking whore?”

You were speechless. What the hell was he talking about? You stumbled over your words before you finally said something.

“I’m sorry. I didn't know. I thought I was being nice. It won't happen again. I promise!” Tears were pouring down your face as you silently begged for him to let you go, to turn back into the man you knew and loved, not this terrifying stranger before you.

“You’re damn fucking right it won’t happen again, bitch. Because I’m going to give you a little reminder of just who you belong to, one you won’t ever forget. Then no one but me will ever want you!” An evil grin overtook his face, distorting his face, the flames making him look like a demon from hell sent to torment you.

Searing pain laced through your arm as the scent of burning flesh filled the air, the sound of sizzling flesh was drowned out by your blood curdling screams of agony. You writhed and wordlessly begged for release, but Dabi refused to let go, squeezing his hand even tighter until you felt your arm snap and the flames delve deeper than your skin, searing the muscle and tissues beneath.

When he finally let go, you fell back against the ground, hardly registering anything else but the overwhelming pain that flared with every breath she took. She dared to look at her arm and what she saw made her nearly vomit. Her arm had been burnt nearly black, blistering blood oozed from the handprint on her arm. He had branded her, like she was some sort of cattle. If infection didn’t kill her first, she’d possibly have to remove her arm, as he had basically reduced part of her arm to nothing more than a charred piece of meat. She couldn’t even feel anything below her arm anymore. She stared up at him in disbelief through her tears. This wasn’t her Dabi, she didn’t know this animal that had hurt her so badly. She let out a broken sob, attempting to scramble away.

That one pitiful sound seemed to snap Dabi from his fit of madness as he stared down at you with wide eyes. He saw what he had done and felt sick. He had always sworn to never be like Endeavor and yet, he was no better than the flaming bastard. He reached a hand towards you, trying to pull you into his arms. “Y/n… I’m so sorry… I… I didn’t mean it… I didn’t mean to hurt you like that…. Come on, we’ll go inside and get you fixed up, everything will be alright. I’m so sorry… I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

You stared at him in a haze of pain. Forgive him? Did he honestly think that you were going to forgive him for this? He burned your fucking arm! You’d probably have to get your arm amputated if you even wanted to survive this. He swore to you so many times that he would never hurt you again. You should leave, get as far away as humanly possible. But… As you stared into his remorseful and terrified face, you began to doubt yourself. Could you really leave him now? Now after everything he had done for you? He loved you right? You loved him still, it was just an accident. Unable to speak, you merely nodded, giving him your silent forgiveness. You whimpered in pain as Dabi carefully scooped you up and carried you back to the bar. The pain was worth it, he was worth it.

Why? Because you loved him.

[scripttorture]

Hi, In my story I have a male slave born to another slave that's the product of rape by the slave owner. He is the same age as the slave owner's daughter who first treats him poorly but as they grow up with the changing times she begins to understand that slaves are wrong and starts treating him more as the half brother he really is. How quickly could things change and how helpful would news of nearby slave rebellions be? I can't figure out a suitable timeline.

I’m unclear on whether you’re asking about how quickly things could change in the broader society or with the personal relationship between these two characters but I can talk a little about both.

Personal change takes time, often years. Though I get the impression it is easier for younger people. A lot of people who grow up accepting awful things later reject them.

I get the impression that this sort of thing didn’t happen very often in plantation slavery. However now that I’m looking I don’t actually have any data to base that on. Certainly a lot of the children slave owners had went on to become slave owners themselves and support slavery. But that does not mean all of them did.

As a general rule I would advise you to be aware of the time period and culture you’re writing about. There’s a lot of romanticisation of slavery and slave built societies in fiction. There are a lot of stories that take agency away from enslaved characters so that other (usually white) characters can act heroically for them.

I don’t think any of this means that you can’t or ‘shouldn’t’ have a character born into a slaving family/culture becoming a good person. But it does mean there’s a lot to balance and navigate with this sort of scenario.

Above all else I’d suggest making sure these characters get an equal amount of focus, an equal amount of agency and that the enslaved character isn’t overshadowed by his sister.

Remember that, as Ambedkar put it, there can be better or worse masters but there are no good masters. A master can not be a good man.

Repairing the relationship between these siblings is going to be tricky, even once the daughter has become an abolitionist.

Trust is difficult for people trapped in these scenarios. Some slave owners, historically and today, hire people to ‘test’ slaves. They send these people among the slaves talking about escape plans, or plots against the owners, or even just offering an ‘illegal’ amount of support and friendship. And then they punish the people who respond.

So there is bad blood here but there is also a real sense of threat for the brother.

Giving this woman a chance isn’t just an emotional risk, it’s one that could have potentially lethal physical consequences for himself and those he cares about. So he needs a good reason to take that risk. Preferably one that shows the readers a bit about the kind of person he is.

It’s going to be a lot more believable if she acts rather then just saying the right things. And acts in a way that is genuinely helpful to her brother, rather then assuming what he wants or doing something that puts him at greater risk. This means listening to what he says and paying attention to her surroundings. For instance if he asks her for food and she knows that the slaves are punished if they’re found with food what steps is she going to take to ensure he doesn’t get caught or punished?

From his side establishing a relationship is a real and terrifying risk. From hers it… would probably seem like a very slow and difficult process that would probably become quite frightening as she got to know him better.

Because, depending on the setting and ages of the characters, this might be her first encounter with serious mental health problems. As far as I can tell the vast majority of enslaved people grappled with mental health problems at one point or another. Getting to know someone and realising that they are suicidal or severely depressed, seeing a panic attack for the first time- These can be frightening experiences and they’re things she’s more likely to encounter as the relationship develops.

If she can provide material help and emotional support during these episodes that is likely to help her case.

The whole thing is like to involve a lot of… two steps forward one back if you know what I mean.

It’s impossible to unlearn decades of prejudice and privilege in a day and how ever much this character is working hard to be better it isn’t her brother’s job to help her become better. Or to hold her hand while she tries to come to terms with the horror he has lived.

On a more personal note I think that a lot of fiction handles re-connecting with family, especially dysfunctional or abusive family very badly. It tends to assume that people should want family connections and should desire reconciliation.

This isn’t always the case.

So much fiction uses this, the prized place blood-family is put in, to put the pressure on survivors to forgive, forget and embrace the abuser when they’ve done the bare minimum.

In this case I think rejecting slavery is the bare minimum. I understand that the character is going further then that but- Is there a reason for the enslaved character to view her as a half sister? And if he does would that help or hinder their relationship?

Consider whether he’d be more comfortable rejecting familial terms. He might be; considering that his ‘father’ abused his mother and played no part in raising him. He might also find it easier to accept his half-sister as a growing, improving person and a friend if he doesn’t see her as family.

Because if she’s ‘family’ then it is crushingly unfair that he was abused while she had a ‘good life’.

Circling back to the main part of the question this kind of relationship change does take years. But how many depends on the individuals involved, their capacities, personalities and the effort they’re willing to put in.

I’m guessing. This isn’t something I can turn to statistics for. I think a minimum of 2 years sounds sensible, 5 sounds more reasonable and you could go as high as 10.

Part of the decision probably depends on what you want to do with the story. Having these characters drifting in and out of each other lives, helping, working together, then arguing and splitting up in a cycle could work for the longest time frame. Having them thrown together in adversity, working consistently against a common enemy could work well for the shortest time frame.

Think about how likely their personalities are to clash and whether any of the enslaved character’s symptoms are likely to make the relationship more difficult.

I don’t think news of near by rebellions is likely to help these characters build a friendly relationship. I think that it would put pressure on both of them, making them both feel under threat.

With rebellions near by slavers often became increasingly paranoid and meted out increasingly lethal and increasingly dramatic punishments. He would feel as if even the slightest transgression, such as speaking to the master’s daughter, could lead to him being tortured to death.

These rebellions often involved torturing slavers and their families to death. So she would also feel under threat, despite her beliefs. These rebellions did not tend to pause and consider sparing anyone associated with slavers.

And that action, that violence, needs to be taken in the context of the constant violence and degradation that was meted out on the enslaved.

On a societal level the pace of change is even harder to quantify.

It could potentially happen very rapidly, as it did in Haiti. Or it could happen very slowly indeed as it did in the United States, with abolition leading straight in to laws that stripped away the rights freedom was supposed to grant.

I think it’s important to understand that violent rebellion often didn’t lead to lasting societal change. In fact Haiti is the only example we have of a well recorded, successful slave rebellion. The wars in Brazil, Jamaica and Cuba went on for decades, if not hundreds of years. They didn’t overthrow slavery, though they did help a significant number of enslaved people.

To understand how these movements worked and what they achieved I think it’s important to look at more then one country. I would suggest Haiti and Brazil are both excellent places to start.

And if the historical pace of change seems too slow, remember there’s nothing to stop you deciding that society changed more quickly in your world.

I hope that helps. :)

Availableon Wordpress.

Disclaimer

[queertheology]

A Call for Queer Theology

There is an impulse in LGBT activism toward fitting in. That we are just “the same as you, we just happen to like people of the same gender.” Or, “I’m just a woman, just like any other woman.”

This desire to not to rock the sexual or gender status quo is an authentic reality for many people. Many trans* people are in fact men or women and nothing more. And many gay people are the same as their straight neighbors, save for the gender of their lover.

But it is not true for all of us. The beauty of gender and sexual minorities is that we get to upend everyone’s notions of sex and gender. That is our gift, not our hindrance.

Similarly, there is an impulse in religious dialogue around LGBT issues to place queers in the existing boxes. We are all “brothers and sisters” in Christ. Gay people can be “loving, committed, monogamous, married” too. The prevailing discussions are around why (or why not) gay relationships should be affirmed. The “clobber passages.” Adam and Eve (not Adam and Steve), Sodom and Gomorra, Leviticus and abominations, Romans 1 and unnatural passions, 1 Corinthians and 1 Timothy and homosexual offenders. “Those don’t say what you think they say about us” is our reply.

Enough.

I will no longer be defined by what I am not. If you have questions about my worth and dignity, read “What The Bible Says (and Doesn’t Say) About Homosexuality” by Mel White, read Jesus, The Bible and Homosexuality by Jack Rogers, watch Fish Out of Water, watch Call Me Malcolm, read Trans-Gendered: Theology, Ministry and Communities of Faith. For the love of God stop asking me about it. Stop asking your gay friend, your lesbian daughter, or your genderqueer coworker about it. Talk to your therapist or your pastor. Talk to my pastor, if you need to.

We have more to offer the world than what we are not.

There is something liberating and life-saving about the Gospel. Ask me about how as I waited in the silence and isolation of the closet–scared to tell anyone that I was gay–Jesus gave me the courage and God washed me with the grace and love to stay strong and true to myself. Ask Bram Wispelway about how the Gospel motivated him–without knowing a single gay or transgender person–to join the Equality Ride and be an advocate for LGBT justice across the country. Ask Micah about the inspiration he finds when the scriptures say that “God has given you a name greater than sons and daughters.” Listen to Shay talk about crucifixion and resurrection and the real, tangible meanings they have in his life. Let me talk to you about how questioning my sexuality caused me to look seriously at my faith and find one deeper than I ever thought possible.

Ask me about how the queers I know embody the church in Acts where “there were no needy persons among them” in a more real way than I have ever seen before. How we replaced Leo’s clothes when he was mugged, how we chipped in for Micah’s surgery, how we supported Asher’s business. Ask about how Matt Beams will drop whatever he is doing to talk you down from your own drama. How Mayra David and Jay Bakker will stand on milk crates in Madison Square Park to take a literal stand for justice.

Listen to Peterson Toscano weave beautiful stories about gender transgression in the Bible. Listen to Vincent Cervantes tell you how he pieced his life (and soul) back together after an exorcism. Listen to Brian Adkins preach without even trying while he talks to you over coffee and muffins about experiencing the Holy Spirit at a drag show. Listen to anything Allyson Robinson has to say (especially about faith, family, and self-care).

Talk to any of the queers in your midst and let them awe you in so many deep and profound ways; ways shaped by their orientations and identities but certainly not limited to them.

Jesus hung out in the margins. With the outcasts. With the ones the religious elite deemed “outside” and “undesirable.” He didn’t do that because he felt sorry for them. He did that because God is, literally, there. (Tweet it!)

And so when you, straight people, talk about “homosexuality and the Bible” or “LGBT issues and faith” do not talk to us about what you have to offer us. Do not bring conflicted feelings or journeys or open arms or apologies. It is so much easier than that. The only thing you need to bring is yourself. Come, rather, with questions and an open heart because what you will find is something transforming, liberating, and awe-inspiring. We will teach you about ourselves and you will learn more about yourself than you imagined possible.

And you will find God in our midst.

The table is ready, you are welcome there with us.

[canid-slashclaw]

The Outliers - A Guild Wars Love Story

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9,  Chapters 10 and 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16 , Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20,  Chapter 21, Chapter 22, Chapter 23,  Chapter 24 Chapter 25

"You alright down there?"

She shouted gruffly. "Fine. Except this flux isn't bonding the way it should."

"Mind if I come down?" Kaleb asked as he saw the flickering torch lights coming from the open doorway.

"Bring me a pint when you do."

"Lager or mead?"

"I don't care. Either will do," she said in a noticeably annoyed tone.

Kaleb knew that she was in the zone with her work, and any disturbances would only serve to piss her off even more. After leaving some coin for the tab, he helped himself to two tall steins of lager. When he took them to the new workstation, Amalthia was sitting on the bench, donning her welding goggles and completely absorbed in whatever it was she was working on.

"Over there by the soldering table," she said pointing towards the wooden table.

"Dammit!" She angrily threw down her welding torch, shut down the outflow valve then pulled off her goggles and tossed them to the edge of the bench.

Kaleb handed her a stein. He took a sip as well from his own.

"At the risk of getting my head bit off, whatcha working on?" He asked.

She walked over, took the stein from the table then gulped it down as if she were dying of thirst.

"I'm sorry, Kal. Didn't mean to sound crabby. It's just I'm getting walloped by something that I usually have no trouble figuring out. For some reason, this flux is just not bonding properly to the metal."

He walked over then began massaging her shoulders. "I hate seeing you stressed like this. Hey. I was going to give this to you yesterday, but I figured you were too busy to be bothered."

Kaleb handed her an envelope that was written in charr pictograms. Amalthia took the letter, opened it and a smile suddenly crept across her face.

"It's from my warband! They've been asking how I've been doing and whether or not I plan on rejoining them." She folded the letter then handed it to Kaleb as her smile faded just as quickly as it appeared.

He fumbled with the parchment then asked her. "So does that mean you plan on going back to them?"

Amalthia grabbed hold of Kaleb's hand and stroked it in reassurance. "No. Like you, I am now a free agent. My place from here on out will always be with you. So don't worry."

"But don't your people frown on that sort of thing? You know... turning your back on your comrades in arms?"

Amalthia shook her head. "It's not like that. They would respect my decision given the circumstances. In fact, I probably can keep my suffix name of Steelblade if I do go as a free agent. But no matter what happens, they will always be my brothers and sister in arms."

Her mate's face suddenly brightened. "Hey! How about we do a big meetup between your warband and my comrades. I'm sure Cynth and Brad would love to meet your crew."

"Um. We aren't ausarans. Only they have krewes," she said mockingly.

Kaleb playfully thumped her on one of her horns. "What's with you and the homophones?"

"It's my duty to make your life as entertaining as possible," she gently cuffed him on the face with her clawed hand.

The two lovers embraced in a kiss as their passion became more intense. Kaleb began to completely disrobe when Amalthia stopped him.

"Hold it, tiger. I'm still tired, sweaty and very cranky from this project. I'll be in the mood once I get cleaned up and dressed into something more appropriate." She smiled then gave him an affectionate lick on the side of his face.

"Anyway, I think having our 'crews' meeting up would be a wonderful idea. It might take a week or two to get things arranged, but I'm sure they would be thrilled to meet your people," she said as she tucked the letter into her pocket.

Since their stay at Ulfgar's, the couple had become practically celebrities among the people who patronized the tavern. Everyone clamored to talk to and be entertained by the human and charr who openly professed their affection for each other.

After the two had cleaned up and got dressed for a day on the town, they headed downstairs to the main bar. As always, Ulfgar was there to greet them.

"Top of the mornin' to ye, youngsters," the big norn said while holding up a tall mug of ale in a salutary fashion.

Both of them responded in unison. "Hey Ulf."

Kaleb and Amalthia sat next to each other on the bar-stools and each ordered a half-pint of lager. Kaleb was the first to drink his down.

"I wonder when Ari will have those outfits done for us," he wondered while stroking his mate's long golden mane.

Amalthia turned to him and said in a soothing voice as she stroked his arm with her pawed hand. "They should be ready sometime tomorrow. Hey. While we are in Lion's Arch, I would like to do a bit of research."

"Oh? What kind of research?"

"Those life commitment rituals your people call marriages."

Ulfgar let out a hearty laugh.

"What's so funny?" Kaleb and Amalthia asked simultaneously.

The mighty norn leaned down and crossed his arms on the table as he looked at his two dearest friends.

"The one force nothing on the face of Tyria can stop. I meant no disrespect to either of ya. But seeing the evolution of this amazing occurrence brings warmth to this old norn's heart."

"I would love to hear about how your people perform their life commitment rituals," Amaltha stated.

Ulfgar held his arms aloft and grinned. "The traditions of our people are carried in spoken word and written form. As a matter of fact, a cousin of mine is having a handfasting with his beloved in the next month. I would be honored if the two of ye attended."

Kaleb stood up then bowed in respect. "It would be my honor, Ulfgar."

"This is an honor, sir. Thank you." Amalthia saluted then bowed as well.

"You are both most welcome. Oh. Kaleb - I almost forgot. There's a letter for ya," Ulfgar said as he reached under the counter and pulled out an envelope. "It arrived first thing this morning."

After Ulfgar handed him the envelope, Kaleb saw that his father addressed it.

I wonder what this is about, he thought as he opened it.

Upon reading his father's letter, Kaleb looked up at Amalthia and Ulfgar and said in a slightly distressed voice. "My sister, Rachel, has been accepted into the Asuran College of Synergetics. They plan on throwing a going away bash tonight."

Amalthia's ears flattened. "So are you going?"

"Why should I? After what she did to me, I don't owe that kid a minute more of my time." Kaleb crumpled the letter in disgust then threw it on the table.

Ulfgar looked at the wadded piece of paper then back at his longtime friend. He sighed as he bowed his head.

"We norns tell of heroic deeds and epic struggles on the battlefield. But even our people face some of the fiercest, most heartbreaking battles of all - the ones that occur under the roofs of our own homes."

"You've had backstabbing siblings too?" Kaleb asked as Ulfgar handed him back the crumpled piece of paper.

"Lad. Some of the most grievous wounds inflicted upon the heart are the ones given by those closest to us. Hell, I remember a time when my own brother left me for dead after my great hunt. He was jealous over the fact that my deed had won over the heart of one of the most beautiful lass in all of the Shiverpeaks. It took him over three decades to forgive me of that transgression," the old norn said somberly.

"It's so hard to do, Ulf. I mean it was my sister who was responsible for me getting kicked out of the house," Kaleb said angrily.

"No, lad. She only revealed a truth that would have eventually come out in the end. As painful as it was for you, it was a necessary step in your relationship with Amalthia. Perhaps your sister is afraid of something or someone."

"Rachel's always been the perfect little angel, always going to church to look good in the eyes of her mother. I mean, she seems to get a free pass when she's all gaga over that asuran boyfriend of hers. Yet when I mention having a relationship with a charr, my whole family goes to pieces. It's really not fair, yanno?"

Amalthia held Kaleb's hand and smiled. "Kaleb. I think I may know why your sister may be such a brat."

"Oh? You never met her and how would your people know anything about how my people behave in situations like that?" Kaleb observed as he clasped his hands with hers.

"Listen. Hate is a universal principle. It sounds like your sister deeply resents your mother. Trust me, I know this. One day, I would like to talk to members of your family so they can get to know me better."

"My youngest sister would probably love you because she would think you are cute and cuddly. But Rachel... she's an entirely different story altogether. And my mom... I'm afraid she would lose it if she saw you. I'm sorry Amalthia, I just don't think my family is ready for you at this time," Kaleb said somberly.

She nuzzled him. "It's okay. I understand. Like I said before - one step at a time."

"One step at a time, then." Kaleb kissed her on the cheek.

Evening had arrived as Kaleb was walking down the street that led to the place where he was born and raised. He asked Amalthia to remain at Ulf’s since this was a matter that he had to resolve with his own family. Once he neared his former homestead, he heard a faint commotion coming from the barn. Curious about the noise, he changed his course to investigate.

Moaning sounds were coming from one of the spare stalls just on the other side of where he was standing. When he took a lantern to check out what was going on, he looked down and noticed several sheets were sprawled out atop the haystack. In the center, two large lumps began wiggling as groans of pleasure emanated from them. Seconds later, the sheets were flung back revealing the faces of an older man and a much younger woman.

"Uncle Will? Trish?!"

Kaleb's ex-girlfriend saw his dark eyes and hair illuminated by the amber glow of the light. As soon as she saw him she jerked the sheets over her exposed breasts.

"Kaleb... just what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be with that charr girlfriend of yours?"

"Trish, Trish. Why does seeing you naked in a hay barn with my uncle, no less, somehow not surprise me? How much lower could you stoop?" Kaleb shot back.

"Kaleb, I..."

"Don't say anything more, uncle. She's just making you feel twenty years younger so she can talk you into marrying her. Am I right?"

Moments later, a barn cat ambled by as it came up to Will Grimwald, begging for a scratch on the neck. But as he began stroking the cat's chin, Patricia abruptly grabbed the feline by the scruff of the neck.

"Screw you, you feline fornicator! Here. Is this what you like making love to? Cause here... have some more pussy!"

Patricia flung the hapless cat through the air as it careened into a hard wood panel of the stall. Unfortunately, Kaleb had no time to react fast enough to catch it. He saw the limp body of the innocent creature and his face suddenly filled with rage. With lightning-fast reflexes he drew his sword then lunged straight towards his ex.

"I would take your head off right where your slutty body lies. What say you now, whore!?" Kaleb was now a force of vengeance.

His uncle was quivering in fear, but managed enough courage to say something. "Kaleb, please. This was all a misunderstanding. I... I cannot believe you did that to the cat, Trish. You had no right to do that to Fredricka."

"What? You were about to propose to me and all you care about is a damn cat?"

Kaleb's rage boiled over. He grabbed the lantern then hovered it just in front of his face revealing his maniacal visage.

"I've offed worthless people like you before. The next time I see your sack-sucking face around here again, I swear I'll have your head mounted on my wall!" He pushed the edge of his sword unto her neck until it drew a slight trickle of blood. When his ex got up very quickly to leave, the man she had been sleeping with jerked back and commented on how the sheets got wet. Kaleb deduced that he must have quite literally scared the piss out of her.

Once the former girlfriend had departed, Kaleb helped his wayward uncle to his feet.

"I can only say that I'm a little disappointed in you, uncle. I just hope she doesn't come back a couple of months later saying that thing in her belly is yours."

Will looked up at his nephew with shame. "I'm so sorry Kal. She said she loved me and wanted me to marry her. I guess I was just a lonely, old man who was desperately seeking companionship."

Nearby, a slight mewing sound could be heard. Kaleb looked over to see that Fredricka was still alive.

"If you don't mind, uncle, I'm taking the cat. She will be much safer with Amalthia and I anyway."

"Take her, please. It was my fault that all of this happened in the first place."

Kaleb picked up the injured feline then gently tucked her into the crook of his arm.

"I've got to go. This night didn't turn out at all as I expected."

His uncle looked up and asked. "Are you still going to Rachel's college acceptance party?"

"Hardly. Given what just happened, I believe that I'll even be less welcome than I already am. Besides, I saw Trish heading towards the family house. No doubt she's spreading more lies about me... well except for the part where I threatened to kill her for doing this to the poor cat. Please enlighten my dad to that fact in case they believe the lie that I just randomly threaten people without good reason," Kaleb said as he departed from the barn while carrying Fredricka in his coat.

***

Over an hour later, Kaleb was back at the tavern showing off the newly rescued feline to everyone. When Amalthia examined the injured animal, she immediately began scrounging for some medical supplies.

"She appears to have a fractured tibia judging by the way she reacts. I'll make a splint. Just give me about five minutes and I'll have something that should help mend the bones properly," Amalthia said as she began salvaging some metal stirring sticks then took them to her workshop to fashion a makeshift splint.

Kaleb took the cat with him being careful to shield her eyes from the flickering blue welding flame. He, then, gently tucked their new charge into a set of sheets at the foot of their bed.

Once Amalthia was done with the splint, she fastened it onto Fredricka then began stroking the creature until it was fast asleep. Kaleb kissed his mate on the cheek then covered the lower half of the cat's body in a knitted shawl.

"I think she'll be fine. Thanks m'dear for crafting that for her."

Amalthia shook her head. "You never told me what happened to the poor thing."

"A vengeful ex happened. I caught her and my uncle in the act and she got pissed, grabbed the cat and threw it against the side of the barn wall." Kaleb's face grew red with anger over replaying the incident in his head.

"Did you lop her head off? I sure would have."

"I came damn close. But she pissed the sheets in fear. For me, that was satisfaction enough."

"I can do her real slow if you like. Go for the kneecaps then work my way up."

Kaleb shook his head disapprovingly. "No dear. A charr killing a human in that manner would only validate bigotry. That little tramp is not worth the powder or the lead in a single cartridge. One way or another, she'll get what's coming to her."

"I gather you didn't make it to your sister's whatever-it-was party."

"Nah. Given what had happened, I don't think I'm going to be exactly welcomed by my family at this time. I just hope my father and uncle see Trish for the person she really is." Kaleb bowed his head as he rubbed his temples, hoping to alleviate an oncoming headache.

"I wrote back to my warband and invited them over to our place this weekend. Didn't you say that Brad and Cynthia would be joining up as well?" Amalthia queried.

Kaleb nodded. "Yup. They'll all be here - pretty much everyone from my unit."

"I hope it'll take your mind off all that's happened." His mate licked him on the forehead then rested her head atop his.

"What will we do with this little girl? I would love to keep her but the two of us are usually gone so much of the time," Kaleb asked.

"Would Ulfgar take him? He seems to love animals."

"He told me that he's allergic to cats. Loves dogs, though."

"Waait... I know..." Amalthia was about to say when Kaleb interjected.

"Ludrick. Of course! I'm sure your old man... err, charr... would love this little gal as a companion."

Amalthia massaged the back of Kaleb's head using her long claws. "Well. We can make plans to see him tomorrow if you like. Don't worry; he's forgiven you for what happened. The only problem may be that he's not forgiven himself for what he did to you."

"It doesn't matter. I understand your father's reasons for doing what he did. Let's call this a peace offering."

"You think your ex will press charges?" Amalthia queried offhand.

Kaleb shook his head. "She has no proof anything happened. Plus, if she did then she would have to hear my testimony of how she not only abused an animal but also pissed on herself and my uncle. The humiliation alone would be enough to deter her from doing anything."

"I hope you're right, love." She kissed him and he returned the favor with a passionate kiss of his own.

"Hey. Our outfits are going to be ready by tomorrow, right?"

Amalthia nodded.

"Good! Then maybe we can both spend some time doing some research into the marriage thing. That is, after we drop our little friend off here at your father's."

The two lovers headed to bed then drifted off to a deep and peaceful sleep as their charge curled up between them and purred loudly in contentment. For the first time in her existence, Fredricka was in a place where she was both safe and loved.

(All chapters have been posted to AO3. Chapter 25 is posted here.)

[hobbitsetal]

a theology of suffering

The idea for this post occurred to me a while ago when my dad taught on suffering as part of his Sunday school class, in which we’ve been going through the questions for the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors’ exam. And given life lately (and also the fact I’m at home!), this seems like an excellent time to write out what I’ve been taught.

Let me begin by saying that it is critical for Christians to have a theology of suffering--an understanding of what pain and misfortune can mean to Christians and an answer to the age-old question “why do bad things happen to good people?” 

This is critical for several reasons: 1. it enables us to glorify God properly when bad things happen--the “trials and tribulations” Scripture refers to. 2. it enables us to witness to nonbelievers more effectively. If my God isn’t big enough to handle pain, then He’s no God worth following. 3. it gives us a framework for strengthening and deepening our faith. 4. when bad things happen, we’re better prepared emotionally, mentally, and spiritually to place ourselves in the Lord’s loving care.

This will get long, so I’ll put the rest under a cut, because I personally don’t care to scroll past huge blocks of text.

As with every good endeavor in Christianity, we must start with God. If we don’t understand God’s perfect love, kindness, and sovereignty, then we will never understand how suffering can be turned to our good and His glory. Each of these attributes could be a blog post in themselves (and indeed, multiple excellent theology books have been written about the attributes of God, both singly and collectively), but I’ll pull out only a few Scripture verses to illustrate them.

The Psalms contain paeans to many of God’s attributes; I think the 23rd Psalm encapsulates His care for us most famously. He gives us peace of soul, He provides for our physical needs, He offers protection. Just skimming the Psalms means reading the most gorgeous descriptions of the Almighty:  “The earth is the LORD's and the fullness thereof, the world and those who dwell therein, for he has founded it upon the seas and established it upon the rivers.” (sovereignty over creation)

“Remember your mercy, O LORD, and your steadfast love, for they have been from of old. Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me, for the sake of your goodness, O LORD!” (okay, i’m belaboring the point a little to say “His mercy and love”)

“I know that the LORD will maintain the cause of the afflicted,and will execute justice for the needy.” (This illustrates not merely His justice, but also David’s confidence in the Lord’s ability to bring justice--i.e., His power and arguably His sovereignty. He does not promise something He may not be able to give.)

1st John 4 speaks exquisitely to the love of God: “In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.”

I could very much pull out verses all day, or even better, spend weeks going through a book to give each verse its proper context, but that is not the purpose of this post. This post is to talk about suffering.

James 1 begins by telling us to “count it all joy” when we meet “trials of various kinds.” I’ll be explicit to the point of inanity in this post because I don’t want anybody to discount what they’re going through or assume God must be talking about “real” problems. 

Trials may be trouble finding a good job; chronic illness; brief illness; injury; mean coworkers; false friends, mental illness (anxiety, bipolar, schizophrenia, dysmorphia--you name it); anguish of body, soul, or mind; painful relationships, particularly family. If something is marred by sin, if something brings us pain instead of joy, I would argue that it can be placed under the umbrella of atrial.

What’s the purpose of trials? I spoke briefly of God’s sovereignty. I mean that He is in total control of everything happens to us in our lives. No bad thing happens to us without the Lord allowing it. So why would He allow it?

Romans 8:28-29 is perhaps the most famous go-to verse for this: “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.”

All things. The bad things we deal with (like corona virus and the loss of our jobs) are used by God to conform us to the image of His Son--to make us like Christ.

And what is Christ like? Ephesians speaks of Him as bringing peace, John rhapsodizes about His love, 1 Peter declares Him holy, Philippians says He was obedient to God even to the point of death.

1 Peter speaks of Christ’s suffering and His subsequent glories, but Peter also spoke of our suffering: “for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”

Suffering to test our faith--not to demonstrate to God whether we have it or not, for He knows all things and He knows the deepest corners of our hearts better than we do--but to refine and improve and prove to us that God is able to care for everything we bring to Him.

And suffering also, sometimes, to correct us and bring us back to the Lord, according to Proverbs and to Hebrews and to other passages I’m not chasing down today: “My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the LORD reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights,” and also 

It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

Not all suffering is punishment, but all suffering is purposeful. And the Lord’s purposes, according to Romans 8, are always for our good, to make us more like Christ. If God truly is the Perfect Being, if He truly is wise, good, gentle, loving, merciful, just, and holy, then the best possible thing that could ever happen to us is to become like Him.

So then, the purposes of suffering:

1. to make us more like Christ, Who suffered on our behalf. 2. to deepen our faith and bring us closer to God, since in our humanity we tend to rely on ourselves and on earthly things. 3. to demonstrate to outsiders the Lord’s provision and grace in facing the same sorts of pain that all humans deal with. 4. to correct sin and to train us in righteousness.

which of these is God’s purpose in each situation? I have no idea. But He has a purpose and He chooses those purposes out of love. And these purposes are individual: I may face the same problem someone else does, but God is using that problem to sanctify me uniquely.

[marrrow]

I NEED EYE CONTACT: Summary & Excerpt

(In case anyone was interested!)

SUMMARY:

Akiyama Kouta is more than just a playboy in a loud suit, hiding behind a pair of pink aviators. In the lapel of his flashy jacket, he wears a shiny Matsunaga Clan pin, identifying himself as of its members—a yakuza, part of the Uchiyama Family under the patriarch, Uchiyama Kanehiro. Where money means power and turf means money, Kouta and all of his brothers police the boundaries of Uchiyama territory against rival families; the strength and security of their own family depends on it.

But while Kouta may be strong, it’s difficult to feel very secure when everything’s out of his control. From his highly active (but failure-ridden) love life, to the visceral intensity of his emotions, to the delusions of the world collapsing under his feet that plague him both in waking and sleep—at any given moment, the whole thing could come crashing down around him. Nothing is stable, and no one can really control anything. But stability and control are the only things in the world Kouta really wants: where money means power, and power means stability, Kouta will do whatever he can to bring in money for Mr. Uchiyama and scale the ranks of the Uchiyama Family.

Only, when Kouta’s wild emotions get the better of him and he causes trouble for Mr. Uchiyama, Mr. Uchiyama gives him a warning: get a hold of himself, or he may have to apologize for his transgressions—that is, sever the little finger of his left hand. To secure his future (and his fingers), Kouta decides that he’s going to seize control of his wild feelings once and for all.

But this is difficult when he’s presented with Wilhelm Pfeffenhausen, a lucky find and new business partner whose manner is just as frustrating as it is weirdly comforting. Even more difficult, when he can’t escape chance meetings with a strange woman who seems to know things he’s never told anyone about himself. And to make it even more difficult, still—when his persistent dreams of the world dropping him into the void start featuring a life he left long, long behind him. Not that reining in his unstable emotions would have ever been easy, to begin with.

EXCERPT:

Kouta got up from his table at the cafe and stepped back out onto the street. Although it was the middle of the night, the city was still alive with people. It was that quality that he loved so much about the city—it was always full and alive.

If Kouta ever found himself alone, it was never for long: there was always someone out there to keep him company.

The air did feel noticeably different, however—wet, as if rain was coming. Now, Kouta could smell it, too. As he set off for The Mint, he looked up at the sky. Against the artificial daytime of the city lights, he really couldn’t tell if there were clouds or not. If they were up there, he hoped they would at least hold out until he got to where he was going.

But Kouta didn’t get much farther before he felt the first fat raindrop hit him in the face. As if like a cat sprayed by water, he abruptly changed course and ducked into the first entryway he could find.

And not a moment too soon, before the sky opened up and rain started pouring down.

Kouta looked at the other people on the street. Some of them had already had their umbrellas out, and some of them dodged under awnings or entryways to extract and deploy them from wherever they’d been hidden. Others lifted their bags up over their heads, or put up their hoods and soldiered bravely on. And still some others remained stranded in their hiding places, unwilling to step out into the rain without something to shield them from it.

Kouta, to his dismay, was stuck squarely in this last group.

‘Damn it!’ he thought, clenching his fists in frustration. More than being caught in the rain was the frustration that it was his own fault that he was stuck without an umbrella in a 130,000-yen suit and a hairstyle that was water soluble.

And of course, that was in addition to the sting of Fumi ditching him.

‘Goddamn it,’ he thought again, angrily lighting himself a cigarette. He wasn’t about to give up just yet, in any case. There were infinite places where he could buy an umbrella, so long as he could get to one of them. He knew for a fact that there was a convenience store just two blocks south of where he currently was—it was even on the way to The Mint.

Kouta took a deep drag on his cigarette and closed his eyes to work out a plan for walking two blocks in heavy rain without getting wet.  

“Oh—hey, Akiyama.”

Kouta’s face pinched at the interruption, and he blinked in confusion as he looked for the person who had addressed him.

It was Pfeffenhausen .

But if course if was Pfeffenhausen —who else would be addressing Kouta in English? He was standing in the street, a skateboard pinned under one foot. He had on a red souvenir jacket, over a black shirt and slightly torn black skinny jeans. He wore a black snapback with metal fangs screwed into the underside of the brim, red high-tops with light-up soles that glowed in the night—and of course, the traditional scarf, gloves, and pink heart-shaped glasses. In one hand, he had a clear umbrella with a cartoon sloth pattern along the edges, and he had a couple plastic grocery bags in the other.

Kouta blinked again. Smarting with heartache, frustrated by the rain, and still a little drunk—he was in completely the wrong mindset for talking to Pfeffenhausen . And so taken aback was he by the coincidence that the only thing he could manage to cough out was an awkward, “Ah—hey.”

“How’s it going?” he asked.

The gear shift in Kouta’s brain got stuck somewhere between ‘on a date with a girl in Japanese’ and ‘talking with a business partner in English,’ and left him momentarily speechless—he couldn’t even think of how to answer. “F—fine,” he said. Maybe if he was curt, the conversation would end quickly. “You?”

Pfeffenhausen nodded. “I’m doing okay,” he said, seemingly oblivious to Kouta’s desire for him to stop talking and go away. “I saw a movie, and then I was just picking up some things from the store.” He lifted up his shopping bags, as if to illustrate what he was saying.

Kouta thought he could see what looked like vegetables through the murky plastic shopping bags; distantly, he wondered why in the hell Pfeffenhausen was shopping for vegetables at two in the morning—additionally, where the hell he was even getting vegetables that late. It wouldn’t have surprised Kouta to know there was some kind of all-night grocery store in the area, but that didn’t matter: he just wanted Pfeffenhausen to leave him be, so he could figure out his umbrella issue and get to The Mint and find someone nice to dance with until the sun came up. “Huh—I see,” he grunted in response, hoping Pfeffenhausen would take the hint.

But  Pfeffenhausen didn’t seem to—at least, not immediately. He didn’t say anything for a time, pausing in a way that led Kouta to believe he was looking him over. “You need an umbrella?” he asked after a moment, gesturing with his own.

Behind his glasses, Kouta blinked in surprise.

The obvious answer was “yes”: Kouta did very much need an umbrella, which Pfeffenhausen had and was offering to him. But he wasn’t sure he wanted to take it from him. The gradual loosening of formalities aside, accepting his offer and squeezing together under an umbrella seemed like a bridge too far for their professional relationship.

Besides, he would have gladly huddled under an umbrella offered to him by a cute girl like Fumi or a man like that guy he’d met in Club✰Adonis—but not from someone like Pfeffenhausen . It was a polite gesture, but one too intimate to be offered by or accepted from just anyone. There was a romance to it—an admission of vulnerability that was only palatable when offered up to someone he might have liked to take for a lover, and to whom he would have liked to offer up even greater vulnerabilities.

But Pfeffenhausen wasn’t that man. His aloof, unexpectant friendliness was confusing and unnerving; his uneasy ability to seemingly know what Kouta was feeling, even though he couldn’t see his eyes, was unpleasant; and that was to say nothing of the fact that he stubbornly wouldn’t let Kouta see his own eyes, which he found frustrating on principle.

In every time Kouta had seen Pfeffenhausen —once or twice a week for the past eight weeks—he had never once seen him without his sunglasses.

He wasn’t even Kouta’s type, anyway.

[blackasteriia]

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@lunsai

Oh, man…

ONE

Xion defeated Saïx in the keyblade graveyard, and the only hand Roxas gave her while she did so was to applaud. I do not care what Nomura says because he is a coward. 

They’ve fought before. I can imagine more than once Xemnas sends Saïx to put down a troublesome Xion during KH2 or KH3. He kicked her ass, or she barely escaped, often injured or wounded. In the graveyard it’s different though, she isn’t running. Xion is of one mind: She is putting Saïx down once and for all. 

The fight is brutal. They are no pulled punches, they are trying to kill each other. I love the image of Saïx falling into his lunar primacy, going berserk with golden eyes and razor teeth-- And Xion falling in right with him. How ironic that the power he held over her and threatened her with is what she now throws back into his face. Xion is pissed. She snarls with a bruised-face, blood spilling from wounds, and breath stuttered from fractured ribs. All those insults, the torture, abuse, and manipulation; Every time she bit her tongue or cursed herself for being imperfect; fueled the absolute rage and power Xion needs to knock Saïx flat. 

Xion earns the satisfaction of knowing Saïx will never have power over her again. Xion has seized power and Isa has lost it, they now stand eye-to-eye. And it only by this firm establishment of human equality that their relationship begin to grow. 

TWO

The beginnings of Isa and Xion’s relationship is an absolute minefield that neither knows how to walk. We’ve already seen it when she bit him. Xion’s boundaries have, historically, been ignored, transgressed, or trampled on, she responds with overt aggression to even the slightest prod. Isa touched her, she felt threatened, she lashed-out. Isa himself has an issue with regulating his emotions and finding outlets for them that are constructive. He has to learn her boundaries and respect them; She has to learn how to enforce those without you know, drawing blood. 

I want Isa to be arguing with Xion and he’s snapped at her, but he has this realization along the lines of: ‘this is a child who still cannot regulate her emotions nor does she know how.’ And I mean that is so obvious because Xion has the emotional experience of an actual toddler. But suddenly Isa can pull himself out of the argument and approach it from a new angle. Isa can be the adult and Xion can be the child. And that’s such a reversal from their original dynamic, where she had to constantly walk on egg shells to appease him, but in it is so much room for maturation. 

Isa’s relationship with Xion is incredibly important for her healing. Hearing him apologize and fess to his failings would validate and vindicate her. It would giver her the freedom to move on from the past and look forward to a future. It would be a process of disarmament and slow trust building, and if she begin to forgive him, however tentatively and slowly, it would allow him to do the same. 

THREE 

Xion has nightmares nearly every night. These are trauma related and are either a direct flash back to an event, or are symbolically linked. Saïx is a major theme: often he is threatening Xion, attempting to kill or wound her, insulting or mocking her, or sometimes, callously rebuffing her, or ignoring her while someone else harms her. Saïx is unique though because she is dealing with Isa on a semi-regular basis, and she has defeated Saïx before. These are two facts that can help Xion tremendously. 

 Xion can not only change the narrative of her nightmares (Saïx wounds Xion becomes Xion defends herself) but also desensitize herself. Overtime, positive interactions with Isa can replace negative ones with Saïx. This doesn’t fix Xion, but it does help her, and its part of the reason why their relationship is important. Because Saïx wounding Xion becomes Xion defends herself successfully and that then becomes Isa protects her from Saïx. And this is an awkward and difficult dissociation of Saïx and Isa, who are the same person, but it’s a necessary one to help her process her trauma. When Xion is more mature and capable of more complex views she can reconcile the two, for now it’ll work.

Because I want a moment where Xion awakens from a nightmare about Saïx. She then finds Isa, incredibly nervous and anxious, only to see that he is calm, and a non-threat. The past stays in the past and this is now, and it’s okay. And she gets to go back to sleep. 

FOUR 

I know this is a weird, weird thing to say, but hear me out: Saïx is Xion’s father.

Okay let me, elaborate, I mean this in the sense that the Organization is akin to Xion’s family. As Xion learns how the typical family unit functions (parents, children, relatives, siblings, etc) she will correctly identify that the people who raised and influenced her are the members of the Organization. Her family of chose will be structured differently, but Organization 13 was Xion’s birth family, or the closest she will ever get to one. 

 Which is absolutely horrifying because they’re all unempathetic jackasses in a power structure so severe that abuse wasn’t just inevitable but encouraged and Xion was at the bottom of that stack. There are no one-to-one comparisons of family members but she might mentally connect them to varying roles and relationships. Some may say that Axel served the most fatherly role and I’d disagree, Axel was closer to an older brother as he mentored and guided Xion. He had more power because of his rank and experience, but he lacked true authority over her. No, the person who has authority and is responsible for Xion, in the sense that a parent would be, is Saïx. 

All that is is a realization Xion will have and she won’t know what to do with it. It makes her relationship to Isa incredibly complex, and weird, and what really excites me is I’m not sure how exactly it will develop. 

[whykingdomministries]

Spiritually Domesticated

This morning I woke up with a list of things to do which included cleaning the fish we caught the night before.  After pouring a custom Starbucks quality coffee in my cup, I went out on our back deck and proceeded to size up these tasks.  Gus (our senior citizen dog) came along for the fresh air as I opened up the ice filled cooler.  It was full of fish ready for the knife and as I looked over at Gus, he had the biggest smile on his face.  I then glanced back at the fish and shared a victorious smile with Mr. Gustavo.  This was a moment of reflection for me as I became submerged into deep thought.

    Obviously our dog wouldn't know what to do with a fish unless it wasn't processed into dog food and placed in his bowl.  In fact, if he were to be relocated out in the wild and was forced to fend for himself, the pour guy wouldn't make it.  This got me thinking about myself and if I was transplanted into a primitive situation, would I have the survival skills to sustain life.  This past weekend we took the family on a camping trip, ate wood fired food and slept in tents but it was only for a few days.  Embarrassingly I mustered up the strength to complain about the air mattress and fishing arrangements.

    There's less than a one percent DNA difference between everyone who has ever has, is and will live on this earth.  With that being said a question is presented, "Have I become domesticated like this dog?"  

    It's natural to compare yourself to other people and although they look like me, there's often a huge difference.  It's kinda like the side by side comparison of a dog and a wolf.  You'll also find less than a one percent difference between a dog and a wolf while they are very different in behavioral aspects.  Let's explore these creations and see if God is saying something here.

1.  The wolf matures considerable faster than the dog and can process or digest more food.  The wolf can break up and hold between 10 to 20 pounds of raw meat as the dog usually has a cup in the morning and a cup in the afternoon.

2.  A dog can breed several times a year as the wolf only breeds once between February and mid March.  These wolf pups are born between April and May which interestingly coincides with our resurrection celebration.  For those who do not know, Easter is the first full moon after March 21st and the Sunday that follows it.  Lastly, the dog is solely dependent on it's mother as the wolf is supported with a mother and father system.

3.  A dog will learn to obey commands like "sit and stay" to receive a treat as where a wolf has the ability and would rather get it's own food.  Another interesting point experts have discovered is that a dog will not share it's food as the wolf will wait until it's pack can join in on the feast.

This was very interesting to me as the Bible clearly informs us that there should be a difference between a Christian and a non-believer.  Unfortunately, we witness many times our brothers and sisters are disguised so well that you're unable to tell them apart from unbelievers.  In fact the sad thing is, I'm thinking about myself and wondering if I'm lacking to make an impact for the Kingdom.  Let's look at ways to put our faith in action and bring God's supernatural in our lives.

1.  Can you break down and process spiritual food or are you still living on the milk of the word?  Do you constantly need to be entertained and led to Christ through music, talented teachers and videos? Are you a Sunday only Christian? Do you spend time praying and living the Word and reflect the biblical values in your life? When I compare a former me from years ago, does my life illustrate GROWTH. Being fully transparent, I have thought about what Church we will be attending on Sunday and debate with myself. The worship is awesome here or there, this one the preacher is boring, this other one is just goes on too long.  What makes us choose a particular place of worship?

    Let's reflect on Acts:2:42-47 to be exact. They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching AND to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. They learned what God said as they sat together to share a meal. They reasoned with one another, prayed for one another and bore one another's burdens. They sold all they owned to care for one another much like the example given in the wolf pack.  They never left anyone behind like Christ taught about the one sheep missing from the 99. Where is that today? Some churches do get this right in some aspects with "home groups" and allow their members to "share the meat" through fellowship.

2.  Am I being the father that my children need?  Do I resemble the qualities that our Heavenly Father has installed for a man of God?  A percentage of our society has become poverty stricken from single moms struggling on their own. Much as the female dogs raises the pups on her own, our men are not taking their place in their families either.  Where have we lost our way here? We need to raise up men who lead the way for their pack like it says in Titus 2.  Men, let's set an example for the younger men and hold each other accountable.  Galatians 6:1-2 "Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."

3.  Are we stewarding our blessings with a Kingdom mindset or trying to "get all we can, can all we get and sit on our can"? Are you sharing your "Food" with others? Are we a replica of Christ as He is a great example of a selfless servant leader?

    With this enlightenment, I wonder how many Christians could survive without having their spiritual food spoon fed to them.  What I mean is, if you took away everything including your Bible, could you still have a relationship with the Lord?  Much like the wolf and the dog, is there a difference between you and a non-believer? Have we become spiritually domesticated and have lost the ability to survive on our own? My thought is we have gotten so far away from New Testament Church living that this would be very difficult for most of us.  I'm not talking about "you," I'm referring to "us."  With all of the scriptures that we have memorized, are we confident that we could return to an Acts way of living.  Can I look at my walk and say that through prayer and listening to the Holy Spirit I could be lead without my Bible? That's certainly a good goal to set for ourselves.

    Brother Lawrence from 'The Practice of the Presence of God' wrote: "There is not in the world a kind of life more sweet and delightful, than that of a continual conversation with God; those only can comprehend it who practice and experience it." I want that. To elaborate a bit further, I witnessed during my trip to prison last year a brother who wanted a relationship with God like Moses.  Brother Perry wanted his face to shine so bright from being in His presence that he would need to be veiled from the people.  This man of God became a mentor of mine as now a year later I continue to challenge myself, my family and you. I believe that each of us in the body of Christ can make a difference towards a GREAT spiritual awakening. Beloved, it is time for such as time as this. You were brought to this place for a purpose!

May the Lord bless you, keep you and be glorified through our faith in action.

[vanaera]

Point of Origin and Intersections

Summary | People come and go at certain points of your life. You just didn't expect you’ll find yourself and Seokjin back to where you started. Prompt | 22. Things you said after it was over (bass guitarist!seokjin medicine student!you) Genre | Angst, some fluff, non-explicit smut Wordcount | 2,219 A/N | I drew inspiration from Paper Towns so if you see the familiar "Anything's ugly up close," quote, that's that :) I recently finished the book and I can't get it out of my head.

           “Day 1: June 10, Sunday morning, the clouds were grey and foreboding, the forecaster lied about having a good weather. I read about James Hutton yesterday. He said ‘there is no prospect of an end’ and I’m halfway through understanding it.”

           “What are you writing?”

           Your hand stops your scribbling on your notebook to look at him. “It’s nothing.” Tucking the notebook back in your bag, you fixed your seat in the passenger side of his car, and settled your elbow against the window. Looking at the barren road comes off quite direful so you set your gaze instead on the man behind the wheel, his hand rested on the steering wheel and it’s been a while since that hand held yours.

           Kim Seokjin is a handsome man, and it was the first thing that crossed your mind when you met him in Incheon airport three years ago. You remember it was around June because he ended up seating by your side in the plane and told you he’ll be spending his summer vacation at his friend’s summer house in LA. He was talkative, even when you first met him, and at that time it was only natural for him because you realized he was afraid of turbulences on flight. You had to grab his hand tight and coaxed him to tell you he’s a business major but he didn’t like his course, he’s also a sub-vocalist and bass guitarist in a band his friends formed, or that he also wants to visit Universal Studios once he lands on American land. You chuckled then, and told him you’re going to LA because of your older brother’s college graduation, and that you might go to Universal Studios too when you have extra time. The 14-hour flight turned out to be too short for the both of you that when you finally landed on the airport, Seokjin asked for your number, and you find yourself stuck with your phone for the next days as you text each other back and forth.

           June transgressed to September and it was fall when Seokjin appeared in the gates of your college campus just to ask you out. You were bewildered at first but then he laughed and reminded you that you mentioned your college to him and the studio his friend rent with him was in the next neighborhood, so it was easy for him to finally find you. You snorted at your own short memory and he told you it’s alright. That night, you found yourself having dinner at Burger King and he walked you back to your dorm which earned him a quick peck on his cheek.

           The next months blended into each other and you really didn’t care then. As the leaves of golden hues fell down one by one, you also find yourself falling for Seokjin and his mellow songs, and the callous on his fingers that you told him was weirdly pleasing on your skin when he touched and explored the slopes of your body in so many nights he had you feeling on top of the world. You never had a relationship with a man so free-spirited before and you think it was that quality of him you never thought you needed when your life is so restrained with deadlines, responsibilities, and the cleanliness and whiteness of the laboratories that almost became your second home.

           “You know you have to slow down sometimes right? Your medicine course have a heavy workload and your small body won’t take it in one go,” he hums against your throat as he peppers kisses on your jaw that had you mewling against him.

           “Well,” you detach yourself from him, breath ragged from his earlier ministrations after a romantic dinner he prepared, “I would think about it but for now,” you smile before you kiss him again, teeth sinking on his plush lips that had him groaning, “just keep going because I think I could take you in one go.”

           He chuckles before he settles your back gently on his pristine sheets, the huge span of his shoulders enough to blanket your bare heart thrumming for him. “Let’s see then if you can, darling.”

           It was spring when you introduced each other to your own families and you found yourself cackling at his bad puns while you carry your boxes inside a flat you both bought with a clean split. Moving in with Seokjin filled you both delight and contentment especially when your boyfriend had already filled every room of your heart with his love and yours, and just the both of you with so much more and nothing less.

           But there are things you can’t avoid to see when you’re finally fully inside someone’s life, enough to draw one’s days and sketch one’s future. You remember one day when you did a road trip that led you going up some abandoned building just to have a magnificent overview of the city where you belonged.

           “It’s amazing,” you said out loud, “when you see everything from a distance. I mean I remember there’s some rickety building across our apartment and I could barely see the cracking paint or the rusted metal works of that building from here.”

           “Anything’s ugly up close, the evident details make it hard to be invisible.” He said.

           “Not you though,” you looked at him smiling.

           “Of course, he grins and you hit his shoulder playfully. “Of course, it’s not us” he envelops you in his arms as you both watched the hues of the sunset warm up the grey, bleak city.

           It turns out you answered his statement without thinking. Your family once told you their concern about Seokjin’s occupation, a situation that your friends also remarked was quite unsteady.

           “Seokjin is a lovely man, dear, and he clearly loves you. It’s just, I think he has to be more serious in his business major than the gigs he goes to.” You remember your mother telling you this some Sunday morning when you went home.

           And you think maybe it’s your fault you let it fester in your mind more frequently than needed that you started talking to him about this instead of with him. You think he felt inferior to your promising studies and the fact that maybe he thinks you look down on him for his not-worth-mentioning marks in his college that he started shutting you out more frequently than he wanted. Fights started with just an easy flick of temper and it tediously dragged on days, sometimes weeks. They don’t typically end, no resolve was reached - just halted because you’ll go to him, or him to you and you’ll find yourselves entangled in your love you built in your home. You think it’s a good thing both of you can’t wander too far away from each other although it’s some kind of a settlement to make up for the gap between you two when your mindsets won’t budge away from the positions they’re in.

           However, the final strike that blows all the proportions out of order comes when you learned Seokjin dropped his major and set his mind going solo in his music journey. His friends told you they fought when they told your boyfriend the gigs they do is just for extra income and that they weren’t really planning to make an unsteady career as their fundamental source of income. And true to their words, you found the boy in some tiny disheveled studio crammed between sloppy constructions in some rough neighborhood. This must be where he hides from you when your fights drive him away from your home. The shock on his face was beyond words, but so is your anger as you confronted him, told him what your family, friends, his friends think about his life choices, and what you really think of him. This time, you don’t see it’s your fault when he won’t budge, when he told you hurtful words you know he didn’t mean, when he won’t see how absurd it was for him to throw away his opportunities in exchange for something he’s not even sure to begin with.

           “I did not in any way downgrade you and yet you have the privilege to do so, wow, Y/N,” he claps, mocking you in every way he can, “how very nice of you.”

           “I’m not degrading you! I’m just telling you this isn’t for you!” You shouted. “What do you expect me to say, huh? The bills won’t pay themselves and I can’t keep thinking love will solve it all when the world and everything will drain us with every cent we’ve got.”

           He’s looking at you with his lips closed and you finally let out the things you’ve been worrying about, things you’re too afraid to talk about so you closed them off to him. You’re planning to tell him someday when you’re finally prepared but now you know, you really needed to let them out in the open. “What if we build our own family, sure I may work at some hospital and come home every night but you’ll always be gone and I can’t let my kid have a father who’s barely there!”

           “Then I can’t stay with you.”

           “What?”

           “I’m tired of you breathing down on my neck every now and then. I can’t have that. I want to break up, Y/N.”

           Silence suddenly swept in after the chaos that ensued minutes ago but you can’t have the momentum change now you’re already here. Holding your head high you said, “Fine. If that’s what you want, I’ll give you what you want. Let’s break up. I’m also tired of you, Seokjin.”

           You know you said things you didn’t mean at all but you didn’t think about going back on your words. You know some day will come you’ll say those words, when the ending was already clear in front of you – with the way he lived, the choices he made, and what he said to you when you’re trying to get him back home after running away for so many days - the details make it evident. So before you could back out from your decisions, you accepted the overseas exchange program the next day and started to pack your belongings in the same boxes you brought in.

           When he came home five days later, he wasn’t even surprised to learn from you about the decisions you made, nor the sudden emptiness of the house itself, no longer a home when you already brought with you the things that made it what it was before.

           “I’m going to LA. Can you at least drive me to the airport next week? I can’t bring all of these on my own.”

           He doesn’t look at you and you didn’t expect him to do so. “Okay.”

           He didn’t apologize, he didn’t come home for the next days until the day before your flight just so he could cook you the spaghetti you loved so much, the same one he cooked when he first invited you in his home, as some farewell gift you’d like to think. It’s not enough to quell the pain in your heart but you’ll never let him know of that; you’ll only take what you can get so you smiled at him and thanked him for the meal.

           And now is the first day you’ll start your life again in some country like a clean slate you never dreamed to be. When he stopped the engine in the parking lot, his hand stopped you from unbuckling your seatbelt.

           “Wait.”

           You stop your movement and looked at him, eyes questioning the motive behind his words. Staying with him made it only natural for you to do so.

           He looks at your eyes for the first time now and tells you what you’ve wanted to hear.“I’m sorry, I- I’m really sorry. I know I’m a jerk and all and I just-

           “It’s alright though, Seokjin. It’s okay. I’ll just-

           “Do-Do you really have to go?”

           He can’t do this to you now, not when you’ve let the deal open for so many days. You shake your head and give him an apologetic smile. “I already said yes to their offer and I can’t back out now, Seokjin, I hope you’ll understand that.”

           He doesn’t say anything anymore and helps you unbuckle your seatbelt. He stays quiet, pulling your luggages with him as he leads you to your gate. He remained speechless and just hugged and waved at you when your flight is announced and you already went inside.

           Leaning on your seat, you think about endings and the way they happen, how yours and Seokjin’s happened right where you both started. But before you could deny James Hutton’s hypothesis of the non-existent prospect of endings, you felt your phone buzz against the pocket of your jeans.

           Seokjin: I didn’t mean what I said before and I know it’s already too late but I have to tell you I still love you. I never stopped and I don’t think I’ll ever stop. I don’t expect you to feel the same anymore but I’d like to let you know I will wait for you. (9:47 AM).

           You smile before you turned off your phone.

All Rights Reserved © Vanaera. No reposts, modifications, and translations of content is allowed without direct permission.

[ali-oh]

Subtext in Guardian: An Analysis

What is Guardian? 

What is subtext?

There are subtext in Guardian which is universal and easily understood, but what I would like to explore are the subtext meaningful to Chinese culture and context.

(Caveat: As I am not (by any means) a scholar on Chinese culture, I may make mistakes from time to time. If so, I welcome concrit. Note, I am not saying that these subtext/tropes are limited to Chinese culture.) 

I will not be mentioning certain things, such as Shen Wei taking care of Zhao Yunlan while he is sick etc, because these seem to be pretty universal.

The Setting

Firstly, it is important to understand the setting of this entire scene. It is set in Zhao Yunlan’s home. In Chinese culture, the home is a space largely reserved for people who are considered close family members. Even if friends (or distant relatives) are invited to visit, there are also certain boundaries and formalities to be observed.

Therefore, it is also interesting to note that, at this point in the show, Shen Wei is only an intriguing acquaintance to Yunlan, and a neighbor who recently moved in.

In light of this context, I am going to discuss the following.

1.       Staying The Night (without an invite)

The boundaries between friends in the home are as follows: if you brought a buddy to his doorstep, that’s basic courtesy in helping a friend. If you are thoughtful, you might make sure that they are in bed (which is great material for some h/c fic). In line with friendly boundaries, you would leave soon after.  

However, Shen Wei stayed the whole night.

(Yunlan is also incredulous and skeptical about this, as he asks if Shen Wei watched over him the whole night.)

As mentioned earlier, friends who enter a home have certain boundaries and formalities to observe. Staying over is not something as simple as crashing on a friend’s sofa. In Chinese culture, you would only stay over at a person’s place if you consider them to be as close as family. And you would only watch over people who you consider to be family.

The act of staying and watching over Yunlan for the whole night, shows us that Shen Wei views himself being as close as a member of Yunlan’s family.

2.       Organizing Zhao Yunlan’s Apartment

During his stay, Shen Wei spent his time to organizing Yunlan’s apartment.

Given that the home is a space that is reserved for family, this usually means that guests do not usually touch objects within a home; it is handed to them. Unless you are close friends with someone, you would never go into a home and casually pick up an object, especially if it is the first time you went to the person’s place. It is a form of politeness, something that Shen Wei prides himself in.

You can see this in Shen Wei’s and Yunlan’s interaction, when Shen Wei was looking for the medication. He asked Yunlan where he could find the medication. Only after Yunlan told him that the medicine was in the refrigerator, that he opened and went through it.    

However, in organizing Yunlan’s home, touching and moving objects to where Shen Wei considers them to be their rightful place, Shen Wei shows that he does not see himself as merely an acquaintance or even a casual friend.

Shen Wei was also shown folding Yunlan’s clothes. Laundry is not something causally done in general (even among close friends), much less male friends. This action is transgressing the boundary of not only the neighborly acquaintance that Shen Wei and Yunlan share on the surface, but also non-romantic male friendship as well.  

Also, the closer an item is to your body, the closer you would have to be with the owner to touch and care for it. This is why Shen Wei folding Yunlan’s clothes is considered to be quite an intimate activity.

(before)

(after)

The fact that Shen Wei organised the entire space, while Yunlan was asleep and unconscious, is an action that transgresses a friendship boundary. Together with the details of the entire scene, the action is very much romantic.

Later in the scene, Shen Wei states that he organised the space as a gesture of thanks for Yunlan saving him from the hooligans in the street. This makes no sense at all, as there is no Chinese cultural context for this action. Typically, if someone saves your life, you would treat them to a meal or help them with some task. In extreme cases, you might become sworn brothers and protect each other for life.

But to organize and clean up a space as thanks for saving a life? It only happens if you pledge your life to each other as a romantic couple, for male-female relationships. And for Shen Wei to exhibit this behavior, this action is meant to come across as romantic subtext.

3.       Cooking

Cooking for a romantic partner is a very common trope in Chinese (and Asian) media in general. It is something created with love and effort, a provision of nutrition and energy to take on the day, or comfort at the end of a hard day.

This piece of subtext does not stand on its own, in the Chinese cultural context, unlike the previous 2. We have to take into consideration of the fact it is a trope, and how it plays into this trope. Between of the 2 person environment, atypical behavior between male friends, and the cooking, this turns into romantic subtext.

The provision of food is very much linked to being part of the family, especially if you are in the home environment. To make food for the someone, is to demonstrate the depth, time and effort you would spend on this person. The dish that Shen Wei cooks is porridge, which takes time and effort.

As this is a well-recognized romantic trope, and as this behavior is atypical between 2 male persons in Chinese culture, it conveys a romantic context instead. This is further emphasized because of the 2-person setting as well.

Shen Wei demonstrates the depth of affection for Yunlan by cooking for him.

Furthermore, while Yunlan eats the porridge, Shen Wei says that if Yunlan wants to eat porridge, he find Shen Wei next door at anytime and Shen Wei will cook it for him. This re-emphasizes the cooking in a romantic context, because causal cooking between 2 persons is usually between lovers.

(A thing to note: The author’s intention in the original novel is to have Shen Wei as a top and Yunlan as bottom. However, as Shen Wei does not exhibit typical alpha male behavior, and he engages in things like cooking - traditionally the role of the female character, this has led to drama fans viewing Shen Wei as the bottom instead. I personally have no preference in fandom couples for top/bottom, but I am fascinated to see this general discrepancy between drama fans and novel fans.)

4.       沈巍啊 沈巍 你说你这么好 要我怎么舍得放手

Zhao Yunlan says this, right after he takes the bowl of porridge from Shen Wei.

Shen Wei ah, Shen Wei, you are such a good person (to me), how could I bear to let you go?

The key word/phrase here is the use of the word “bear”. In the original Chinese text, the word used is 舍得. While the literal direct translation is “willing”, 舍得 conveys a feeling of reluctance in having to give something up / to sacrifice something, rather than about the willingness to do so. Thus the use of the word “bear” is more suitable.  

To use this phrase 舍得, in reference to a person, is to also convey a sense of thought about this person. This person must be viewed as someone who is precious and important to you, and for them to not be by your side would be considered as a sacrifice.

Thus, this phrase is used only for people whom you are very close to, those you feel would be a sacrifice if you had to give them up. Taking into the context of Chinese drama tropes as well, among similar aged characters, it is most often a romantic sentiment between lovers, especially in the context of letting someone go.

To let someone go (放手), there are many situations. A parent sending a child to war, a cop letting a criminal off, a master allowing a servant to leave the family. But, when you combine the phrase of 舍得 with letting someone go, it becomes a very specific context as a well-recognized romantic trope.

The tone is also important here, as Zhao Yunlan’s tone can either be serious, or, at the very least, flirtatious teasing. This sentence was not played for laughs, and we didn’t get a no homo statement after Yunlan said this. Novel!Yunlan would probably be serious with this sentence (given that he bought a home for Shen Wei, even before Shen Wei agreed to go out with him). For drama!Yunlan, this is probably flirtatious teasing, which romantic in nature.

5.       这件事情 等我回来之后再说吧

As Yunlan tries to get Shen Wei to join SID as a consultant, he lays casually in bed.

Then, Shen Wei says the following sentence,

For this matter, let us discuss this after I return

This statement, in the setting of a home, is very classic of a domestic Chinese couple. It is a common statement between couples when they have a difference of opinion or if further discussion is needed, usually at breakfast before the start of a busy day.

If Shen Wei and Yunlan had a disagreement about work, and this statement was said at the SID, it would be taken in a work context. However, as it is said in Yunlan’s apartment, thus, this brings out the romantic subtext of the statement.

Also, Shen Wei simply says, when I return. He does not state the location he returns to, and since he is in Yunlan’s place, his statement also implies that he will be returning to Yunlan’s apartment, which further strengthens the romantic subtext.

Furthermore, Yunlan’s response to this statement is a casual 好啊 (meaning okay), in acceptance of Shen Wei’s request to delay this conversation. This casual agreement denies none of the above romantic implications, and indeed, they do resume this conversation in a home at a later time, in Shen Wei’s apartment.    

Hopefully, this analysis has been insightful and useful to the Guardian’s fandom, providing further understanding of Chinese culture and context inherent in the interactions between Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan.

I do have plans to do other scenes, so keep a lookout for them if you are interested!

[subasekabang]

Ties We Bind (& Break), Chapter 3

Author: @composeregg Rating: T Word Count: 15435, Chapter total: 3415 Pairings/Characters: Joshua/Neku, Shiki/Eri, Joshua & Neku & Shiki & Beat & Rhyme & Eri in a queerplatonic poly-pile relationship. Hanekoma, Kariya. Warnings: Includes depression heavily, and mentions of suicide. Summary: One year after the Long Game, a tall boy named Yuuto Kimura, who has messy black hair, glasses, and bright green eyes, stumbles into Neku’s life, and he can’t help but let him get close, letting him join the circle of friends.

One year after the Long Game, Joshua aches to hang out with Neku again, but the restrictions he’s gained for his transgressions are very clear: Yoshiya Kiryu, Composer of Shibuya, is not to interact with Neku Sakuraba.

(But every rule has a loophole.)

Author’s Note: Each chapter is also being added to ao3! Here! (Small delay per chapter).

Featuring autistic/neurodivergent characters, the “Joshua is Neku’s Dead Best Friend” theory, and lots of headcanons abound.

“So not that you ain’t cool, man, but what’cha doin’ at this meet?” Beat asks, looking at Yuuto.

They’re gathered at Hachiko on a Saturday, like they’ve done twice a month since the Game. Without Eri, so they could hang out as former Game Players.

At least, Beat thought that’s what this was, but Yuuto is standing near. He’d tagged along with Neku to the meetup. None of the others are questioning it, and it makes Beat feel left out of the loop.

“Mm, and here I thought this was for people who’ve played the Game,” he says with a smile, and Beat freezes.

“Sorry, I told him I was meeting up with you guys and he invited himself along,” Neku says. “I told Shiki already, she was the first to show up last Sunday besides me, so we got to chat, but yeah. He apparently played a few years back.”

“It’s been a while since my Game week. I got to play under the previous Composer, in fact; there’s been a regime change since.” Neku frowns at that statement, a flicker across his face before it’s gone, but Beat catches it.

He also notices Rhyme’s reaction, or… lack of it. So he nudges them. “And how come you ain’t surprised by this?”

They shrug, hesitating. “I… I could feel it. My instincts said he’d been touched by the Game, and trusting your instincts is important.”

Ah.

Beat wraps an arm around them, giving a big squeeze. He knows they haven’t told the others yet, and he hasn’t either, but they don’t keep secrets from each other, and… Being a Noise for a bit did something to Rhyme. They get glimpses of the UG, see and feel the presence of Noise, and sometimes they talk about it. Noise running on basic emotions, how it’s heightened their instincts, and how they have to restrain those more now.

Being a Reaper means he didn’t get out unscathed either. The UG is greyscale, hazy, but there in his sights. Power pulses under his skin, buried deep in his core. It’s locked away, he can’t reach it, but if he could…

It’s not a risk he’s willing to take. Beat doesn’t want to be a Reaper, and he doesn’t need that power.

“So, where should we hang out today?” Shiki asks, steering the conversation back onto the tracks. “I’d offer the studio, but Eri said she wanted to get some work done, so she’s there right now.”

“Me and Rhyme’s parents is home, so our place is a no-can-do, sorry yo,” he says.

“And my place is too small to hold us all. Or at least, my mom thinks so, and she’s home.” Neku sighs.

Yuuto grins, and chimes in, “I don’t mean to be presumptuous, asking if you’d like to come to my place, but… Like I said before, rich parents and I live alone.”

“Cool wit’ me,” says Beat, and the others agree.

One quick walk later and, “You live here!?” Shiki gasps, holding a hand to her chest. “If you can afford a Pork City apartment, you must not’ve been joking about rich family!”

“Not just any apartment, the penthouse. The lap of luxury, all to myself!” He laughs, rolling his eyes. “It’s so boring and lonely being isolated there all the time.”

It’s an expensive place to rent, Beat knew that, but as they walk through the halls illuminated by chandeliers and past lounges and rooms of all sorts to the elevator, it starts to sink in just how extravagant this place is.

“It’s a bit much, I think,” Yuuto says, “but I’m not gonna argue where my parents put me. Just a heads up though, a lot of Reapers live here too. I think it’s part of being in the Game, they still need a place to stay, after all.”

With a flourish, he opens the door, and plops down on a recliner chair. Beat follows him in, as do the rest, and Yuuto instructs them to make themselves at home so they all get situated. Neku stakes a claim on the other empty chair, while Beat ends up on the couch, Rhyme in the middle, with Shiki on the other end.

“Sooo,” says Yuuto, “what do y’all do when you gather like this, Players only?”

“Talk, vent, throw stuff at each other, make bad jokes and memes,” Neku says, slipping his headphones down so they rest around his neck. “We should probably share Game stories first, since you’re new here.”

Yuuto nods. “Mm… Well, I played about two years ago. My partner was Uzuki Yashiro,” he says, continuing without noticing the way the rest of them tense, the way the background music jumps as the CD hits a scratch. “She’s a Reaper now, as far as I know. We did not get along well, but we survived.”

“She’s awful,” Shiki groans. “We all had to deal with her, and she’s a manipulative slimy asshole.”

“Sounds about right,” he says with a snort. The next words out of Yuuto’s mouth were softer: “My Fee was my friend’s memories of me. They managed to nitpick something I’d done, and I didn’t get it back. He remembers nothing.”

Neku winces, Shiki gasps, Rhyme closes their eyes and sighs, and Beat… He can only think of Rhyme, and how they never recognized him as their brother. Every little thing they should’ve been able to think of, from calling him bro to their jokes and the quiet nights they’d whisper to each other, not wanting to be alone. Losing that, forever?

It’d destroy him.

“I can’t imagine what it’d be like to forget someone so close to you forever,” Neku says. He’s sitting sideways on the chair, legs draped over one of the armrests and his head against the other. “I mean, the memories are just gone? How do you not realize you’re missing something? How do other people not notice, if they were so close to you?”

“I remember,” Rhyme sighs. “I remember what it was like to forget. It’s like, you know that person exists, know who they were to you, but all the little details were gone. Name, face, specific memories… dust in the wind.”

Beat wraps an arm around them, and they lean on him. Soft touches, a solid presence, reminders that they’re there for each other. That they haven’t left or forgotten.

Yuuto nods at the words, and dangles himself upside-down off the chair, hair skimming the wooden floor. “He doesn’t remember me. He knows he had a friend, but I haven’t tried to rekindle that bond… I miss him, but I lost it all when I lost my Fee.”

“Well hey, maybe you’ll get another chance someday!” Shiki says, cheer infused in her voice. “Not every end is final, and even if he doesn’t remember the details, I’m sure he’d love to have an old friend back.” She’s hops up on the back of the couch, feet hanging in front of the back cushion.

“The world begins with you and all that jazz, huh?” Yuuto snorts. “Your world gets bigger if you reach out to others. Maybe I’ll tell him, sometime. For now, I’ll wait and see what the future holds.”

Chat: [It’s not gay if we’re dead]

[Emo gay has added Yuuto Kimura to the chat]

Emo gay: Welcome to the dead kid’s club.

A lot of this chat is Shiki yelling about how cute Eri is.

An entire 50% of this chat is all of us being queer.

Fashion lesbian: Listen,

She’s beautiful and I’m gay as hell.

And she’s not in this chat so I’m allowed to scream.

Yuuto Kimura: Noted.

[Yuuto Kimura has changed their name to Music queer]

Music queer: I figured I should fit the theme.

Space battery: Nice name!

Music queer: Thanks I picked it out myself!

I must ask, though, why battery?

Space battery: I’m triple-A.

Skateboard ace: And they always got enough energy to charge up everyone else

Space battery: Beat,

You should take a look at yourself sometime, you’ve got enough energy to power the sun!

Emo gay: Another 20% of this chat is these two being adorable siblings so jot that down.

Music queer: What’s the last 30%?

Emo gay: 20% memes and dead jokes, 10% depression.

Music queer: You know what? Valid.

I think I’ll fit right in.

Rhyme likes Yuuto, they really do! It’s been a month since he’s joined the group, and he’s been nothing but fun. Maybe not the nicest, he likes to tease Neku, but he’s got good intentions, so they like him!

It’s just…

There’s something wrong about him.

Indescribably, horrifically wrong.

Noise do not draw near him. If one gets too close, they freeze and dart away. His mere presence wards them all, and Rhyme can sense it, the Noise are afraid.

Rhyme knows this, because they feel the same.

An instinctual terror, prickling at the hair on their arms, raising the alarm. They squash it down, tuck it away until it doesn’t bother them, but it’s there. Clawing at the back of their throat.

They’ve felt it before, in the presence of Neku’s 2nd week Game Partner. Joshua.

It’s fuzzy, grey-scaled and water-damaged, but they remember being a Noise, operating on instinct alone. They remember when they were returned to a human form, to life.

They remember the Composer.

So they message him.

Rhyme: Hey can we talk today? At WildKat, preferably.

Yuuto: Sure. May I ask why?

Rhyme: You can, but I’m not answering that here, only in person.

Which is how they find themself seated in a booth across from Yuuto after school that evening. Untouched coffee sits before both of them, steam curling up and away.

“So,” he draws, picking up his cup, “Are you going to answer my question now?”

They nod. “Your name is actually Joshua, and you’re the Composer.”

Coffee splashes over the table and over his lap as Yuuto flinches back and drops it. With a yelp, he jumps up, hissing, “Ow! Fuuuuck that’s hot!”

They watch as he hops around, grabbing at napkins to clean up. With a roll of their eyes, they say, “I’m right, aren’t I? You can use your powers if I am, no sense hiding them.”

He spares a glance at Rhyme, and then waves a hand to make the mess disappear.

“Well, I’m sure that answers your question,” he says, sliding back into his seat. “Do I get to know how you figured it out?”

“I remember,” they say. “Not… Not well, most of my time as Noise is static, but I remember what it’s like. During the second week of it all, I know Neku’s Partner set me on edge, and when the Composer brought me back, I remember that flighty feeling from then, too. You’ve got the same vibe.”

Yuuto rubs his forehead, taking a long, deep breath. “This was unexpected,” he mutters. “You want to know why I’m lying about my identity, I assume.”

Rhyme nods. “I also want to know if you plan on messing with Neku again,” they say. When Yuuto’s eyes widen, they cut in before he can speak. “He didn’t tell us what you did, but we can all see how he acts. You did something. You don’t have to tell me what you did, Neku isn’t ready for us to know, but I want to make sure you won’t do it again.”

“Fair enough,” he says, and then his color starts to bleed away.

The black seeps out of his hair, and it bounces into wavy curls. Green flashes to purple in his eyes, and his skin goes a few shades paler. Nothing about the structure of his face changes, but he takes off his glasses, and there’s Joshua, sitting in front of them.

“I’ll start simple. I promise I mean no harm to Neku.” At their snort, he frowns. “I mean that! I hold my past actions in great contempt. I wasn’t in a good space, mentally. Like, you met Neku early on during the Game, I was like that, but a hundred times worse.”

“Oh.”

He laughs. “Yeah, oh. I won’t say what I did, but it was bad, and he has every right to be mad. I didn’t expect him to want to see me, after everything.”

“He does though, so hiding behind a false face is a cowardly move.”

“My superiors would rather I not interact with him at all. This is my loophole,” he says, which, what?

It’s a puzzle, and they don’t have all the pieces, but with some work and head-tilting, they can still make out the picture. “You were told not to meet up with him, weren’t you?”

“Bingo, but they specified Yoshiya Kiryu, Composer of Shibuya, not Yuuto Kimura, ex-Game Player who lived in America these past two years.”

Rhyme crosses their arms over their chest, leaning back. “Clever. Going to fake this forever, then?”

“Nah, working on getting that rule repealed.”

“And what will you do when it is? Your reveal will be another betrayal, another way you stab him in the back, because he’ll think it’s been an elaborate joke.” It’s dramatic, but Neku would. At first.

Joshua snorts. “I know him better than you do. I know he’ll call me an asshole and think I’m messing with him, pulling his strings, but I have some stuff I can say, which might help.”

“What sort of stuff?”

“The truth.”

“Okay, so first things first, we need to get your measurements!” Shiki says, measuring tape in hand as Eri grabs the notepad and pen.

Yuuto laughs. “No time to waste?”

The studio is a mess, mannequins with half-finished projects hanging off them, fabric strewn across the floor, needles shoved into the armrest of the couch, spools of thread in corners and on shelves, and design papers scattered around the room.

It’s perfect. Creativity spawned from this disaster, beauty found in the calamity of a localized tornado. Shibuya’s life shines bright in spaces like this, her Soul strengthened, bursting with energy.

Were he not Yuuto right now, he’d love to soak up the Imagination and refine it, give them good luck for ages.

“Of course, of course! Why dilly-dally when we can get this ball rolling?” Eri laughs, pulling him out of the doorway and into the room proper. “Now let Shiki work her magic!”

He does, standing still as Shiki measures and calls out numbers. Eri dutifully writes them down, and he lets Shiki adjust his positioning as needed to get the most accurate results.

Once Shiki has the measurements, he plops down onto the couch, a grin on his face. There’s more than enough seating for the three of them. The entire gang had crashed here the day before. “So, this thing you’re gonna have me model, what is it?”

Eri flits around, grabbing her sketchpad and pencils, before sitting at her desk. “We’re going to start with something simple first. Maybe a basic suit, or a dress? You could rock either. How do you feel about pink? I feel like it’d suit you well. Or maybe a bright green, or something more forest-y. It’d go well with your eyes.”

“Ooh, pink is always fun, but you’re right, green would match my eyes. I absolutely love blues and purples too, by the way!” He leans back, pulling out a sheet of paper for himself, and a pencil. “Musical motifs are fun, since I’m a composer of music.”

Shiki’s head snaps up to look at him, but he gives no reaction back. Eri, meanwhile is going “Oooh,” and scrawling that down as a note.

“Music notes would be cool to work into some of the things we make you in the future! Little embroidered notes and designs! It’d be super cute!” she says, a grin lighting up her face.

Danger lurks in the room, Shiki refusing to take her eyes off him, but Eri remains oblivious. He gives Shiki a wink, after a moment, playing it off with a shrug. She huffs, and turns her attention back to the doodles Eri is scrawling.

“Mm, we could add some lacework, couldn’t we?” she asks.

Yuuto sighs, tapping his fingers against the fabric of the couch. “If you do add lace, could you keep it minimal or in places that won’t rub against my skin? The texture can be irritating as all hell.”

“Noted!” Eri scribbles that down in the margins as well. At this rate, they’re no doubt going to have a folder on his preferences and design ideas.

The thought of them keeping a record on him sends a spark of warmth through his heart. Watching them squabble over design ideas in the afternoon sunlight, filtering in through the window, makes the sight look like home.

The kid sitting in front of Koki is not one he knows. It’s not one he’s ever met or talked to before. He’d been enjoying his meal when this kid walked into Ramen Don and sat across from him.

Except that’s a lie.

Koki might not know this kid with short black hair and green eyes, but he knows those glasses, he knows that grin, and he knows the Music.

“What’s up, J?”

“Shhh, I’m Yuuto like this, remember?” He holds a finger to his lips, hiding his smile. “Can’t have you talking about my secret when the others could waltz right in and see me.”

Koki snorts. “And what will they say if they walk in on their good friend Yuuto having lunch with a Reaper?”

“They know I’ve always seen the UG, I’ll just tell them the truth. I’ve known you since before I ever played, and you’re just a weird uncle type dude.” Yuuto grins, and orders some Shio while they talk.

“Alright, you got me there. I pull off weird uncle well, don’t I?” he asks with a laugh.

“You do, you really do.”

Koki takes a bite of his own ramen, slurping it up. It’s been a while since he’s gotten food with the little brat, but it’s well worth it to make sure he’s eating. The kid always forgets to take care of himself, so if Koki has to step up the family-figure role in his life to ensure he does, so be it.

“So, how’s the whole friends thing goin’, anyway? It’s been a few months so far, right?”

Josh shrugs. “Yeah, it has. It’s going good. They’re all… really nice to me,” he says, fiddling with his hair. “Like, Rhyme, the one that got Erased, they figured out who I am, and they still accept me, though… They don’t know the whole story, but still!”

Ramen arrives, and so Josh has to speak between bites now, as Koki sits and listens to him ramble. “Neku checks up on me and makes sure I’m not left out. He keeps me from retreating into my shell. Shiki and Eri have already been working on making me clothes because they need more models,” he laughs. “Beat is trying to teach me how to skateboard, and I have to remember not to heal up my scrapes and bruises because that’d be suspicious.”

“You’re happy with them all, huh?” he asks. It’s obvious to him, the way Josh lights up, even in this false form. This is the most friends he’s ever had, and it shows in the hands he waves in the air, the glint of life in his eyes, how much this means to him.

“Yeah! I mean, I wish I could tell Neku,” the blinding smile dims at the statement, “but I can’t. This is the best alternative to that.”

“Hey, in a year or two? You’ll be able to tell him, so don’t sweat about that. I’m sure he’ll understand.” With the way his mom raised him, he’d better, Koki doesn’t say, but he thinks it. It had taken a bit of digging, and it’s such a trivial fact, one thread of being related, but it’s there.

He died before he could see his little sister have children, over a hundred years ago. Now, he’s found a distant descendant. He’s an uncle, with a few greats in front of the grand, but he’s an uncle to somebody alive.

The conversation continues, both of them unaware of the figure watching from outside the window. With a snap, Shiki takes a picture of Yuuto hanging out with a Reaper, eyes narrowing.

She’s got her suspicions. They’ve grown a bit stronger now.