#the gist of all of this is—I wanna write but I don’t wanna write bad-quality stuff. even as I recognize that writing bad stuff is the only

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

.

[hockeyforthefirsttime]

That Someone- Roope Hintz

AN: yeah, idk man. This took far too long to write, esp with thought of quality that isn’t there. HOWEVER, I can’t stare at it any longer so here ya go.

Word Count: 2,5k

TW: alcohol, slight angst, general pining

Roope has never been an easy person to understand. One moment he is your best friend, and other times he’s one of the star players of the Dallas Stars. And the two roles, they shouldn’t be all that conflicting, but apparently they are, and you don’t know how to change that. 

“Roope, can you please for one second listen to me?” 

You speak up in between giggles as he is curled up in your lap. 

“No.” 

He mumbles into your stomach, the vibration of his voice against your stomach making you chuckle. 

“You promised. The deal is that you make dinner every other time.”

“But m’tired.” 

His protest makes you card a hand through his hair, which you know is a bad idea. It only makes you feel like your best friend is something more, to you. 

“Please just make dinner Roope.” 

You sigh. And with a grunt he actually gets up and moves to the kitchen while rubbing his eyes in a childlike manner. 

You twist around on your couch and grab your phone from the coffee table. 

People always scrunch their noses when they see that your lockscreen is just black. Most people call you boring for it, most of all Tyler Seguin, the Star that you feel closest to, if you don’t count Roope. 

You don’t care though, because you don’t want to have anything there. (If you were to have anything there it’d be Roope though). And that about sums up how far into the deep end you are. You have a creeping suspicion that this is what Tyler knows, and that’s why he keeps teasing you about your black lock screen. 

Shaking your head, you turn on some soft music on the TV speaker and wander into the kitchen. 

Roope has a towel hanging over his shoulder and is quietly humming along to your music.

“You really only know how to make pasta?” 

He turns at the sound of your voice. 

“It’s damn good pasta and you know it.” 

He teases with a smirk. You have told him on multiple occasions just how good his pasta is. 

“Maybe so.” 

“It’s finished soon, Miss Denial, will you set the table please?” 

Roope asks as he turns back to the carbonara he has been making. 

It’s the domestic, small things like this that make you fall even further. He just doesn’t realise. Maybe it has to do with the fact that the only person you have admitted your feelings to is you. Because when other people ask about Roope, he’s always just your best friend. As jokingly as he does it, calling you Miss Denial rings more true than he thinks it does. 

------

As one of the Star players of the Dallas Stars, Roope acts a little bit different. He brings you out after a big win, he does, but you never go together. There is always some excuse, mostly that he thinks you will have more fun getting ready with the WAGs. Because of that it’s just easier if you carpool with them. Or take your own car. For better or worse, because that means you have to stay sober for the entire night. 

And even if you think every night is gonna be different, it never really is. Tonight is apparently no excuse. 

They have just won over the Islanders on home ice and are the usual suspects en route to the regular club. Roope had the winning goal and was over the moon when he got out of the locker room and media.

You had dressed in an emerald knit sweater, not being able to put on the jersey Roope had given you. You had tried to put it on, you really had, but feeling the weight of having “Hintz” on your back was just too much for you. Especially when you know that it’s all you’ll ever get. 

You’re all sitting together around two tables, doing shots and nursing different drinks. Roope is beside you on the outer end of the table. Tyler is on your right, for once having sworn he isn’t gonna get completely wasted. 

You’re all laughing at Miro as he downs another shot of something he supposedly likes, you can tell he’s close to the limit now. However you aren’t too scared, you’re his ride home anyways. 

Roope’s arm is resting behind your head and as the time starts nearing one am, even with the flashing eyes and loud music, you’re starting to feel drowsy. You lean into his chest and rest there, unknowingly making the whole table swoon.

“Hey, I’m gonna go get another water.” 

Roope’s eyes are slightly glassy as you look at him. Carefully he moves out of his seat to allow you to move.

“Want anything?” 

“Just a beer please.” 

Roope mumbles softly and you nod. 

The queue to the bar is longer than expected, and ten minutes have passed when you walk from there. 

You’ve almost reached your table when you notice an absence. It makes you stop and causes someone to bump into you, making you spill half the glass of water. You know they’re gone before you can register who it is. 

Sighing, you make your way over to the table and the vacant spot. 

“Hey, anyone know where Roope went?” 

The group around the table is more reduced now than you first realised. Apparently also feeling very pitiful, ‘cause no one wants to answer the question. Until Tyler does. 

“Uhh, some chick came up asking for a dance.” 

Miro stumbles to your side, positively hammered, and folds his frame over yours. 

“Roope s’stupid.” 

He slurs against the top of your head.

“Stop Miro.” 

You sigh. 

“But s true.” 

“Please not now, here drink this.” 

You say and hand him the half empty glass of untouched water.

“I think I’m gonna try to get this mafioso home for the night.” 

The remaining team members and their significant others all nod understandingly. And since you can’t see Roope, you start to hug people goodbye. 

“Don’t worry, he’ll come to his senses sooner or later.” 

Tyler whispers into your ear as he hugs you, giving you an extra squeeze. 

You set the still full glass of beer down by Roope’s spot, and take Miro’s arm so you can lead him out of the club. 

“C’mon, let’s get you and me home.” 

“Okay, I feel a little dizzy.” 

Only a few minutes later, after you and Miro have departed, Roope comes back to the table still fixing his cap and wiping lipgloss off his lips. Immediately he spots the glass of beer and takes a big swig of it. It’s not until he finishes swallowing that he notices the eyes on him, all except one pair. 

“Where did Y/N go?” 

He questions.

“So you finally notice, huh.”

Tyler mumbles, yet somehow Roope catches it. Making him frown at his teammate. 

“She went home, took Miro back to his place as well.” 

Jamie’s date of the night replies. Roope looks towards the exit, but sees no sign of you or his teammate. 

----

In all honesty, when you got the first message from Roope, asking why you left, your heart couldn’t take it. So you just shut off your phone and went to bed. And thank god for Sundays, cause you sleep until 11am that morning. It’s not good sleep, and you still feel tired when you drag yourself to the bathroom, and sad. The person in the mirror doesn’t quite look like you, she is much more bleak, faded. 

Regardless, you step into the shower and try to wake yourself up. Even though you don’t have anything to do, you still want to wash last night off your body. The soft almost non exiting pressure stream of water doesn’t help much, only adding to your frustrations. So you step out and dry off, before going back to your bedroom. You dress in a pair of old sweats that hang off your hips ever so slightly and a henley sweater you find in the back of your closet. 

Your phone is still on the kitchen bench when you walk in, and you decide to power it on again. As soon as you punch in the pin code, it’s overflowing with messages from Roope. And the general gist is worry and confusion. When you click on his contact, and see the messages and the times they were sent, it’s your turn to get worried. They go from tree am to ten minutes ago. 

Me: Roope, you need sleep

You type before you can think twice, and send the message. Almost instantly there is a new message, but this time only the one. 

Roope: I’m on my way over. 

And you swear you are frozen in time, cause minutes go by and you don’t notice, only staring at the screen.  A knock on your door shakes you from your stupor, and automatically you go to open it.

Roope looks rough, to put it mildly. He is still in the same clothes as last night, his blond hair is messy even hidden underneath his cap, and his eyes are red and droopy. 

“You need to sleep, Roope.” 

“No, I need you.” 

 You sigh and open the door a little further, motioning for him to come in. 

“Roope, please. You have to sleep.” 

It feels like there is little else to say. You don’t want to have this conversation with him now, when he might not remember it in the morning. Much less when you are on the verge of crying yourself. 

“Please, ‘jus wanna talk.” 

And he sounds so so sad, when he talks. You never could resist a sad Roope, there is something in the way his eyes plead with you. So you close the door and turn towards him, and are met with that exact look. 

“Okay, just go sit on the couch.” 

You sigh, watching as he stumbles over to the couch. The trip to the kitchen seems far too long, but when you make it you pull out a glass of water and a bottle of ibuprofen. It isn’t until you shut off the running water, that you hear the soft snores coming from the living room. 

Walking into the living room, you see Roope completely collapsed in what has to be an uncomfortable position. At that moment you decide to let him sleep it off. Even if he doesn’t end up remembering this moment when he wakes up.  You set the glass of water on the coffee table along with the ibuprofen, and decide to go about your day in other ways. 

Like getting your laptop and sitting down by the tiny kitchen table you have, to attempt some work. In reality you end up editing some playlists on your Spotify and getting consumed by it. The next time you look at the clock on the stove, it shows 3pm. And you figure you’ve wasted enough hours on the internet. 

Quietly you close your laptop and take off your headset. When you walk into the living room,  Roope seems to have realized how uncomfortable he was and has curled up into a ball. Crouching down in front of the couch 

“Hey, you need to wake up.” 

He groans, but you can tell he is starting to wake up from the way his brows scrunch together. Reaching out, you place a hand on his upper arm and shake him a little. Slowly but surely, his eyes flutter open, meeting your gaze. The whites in his eyes are still a little red, but he seems a little clearer now. 

“Morning”

Roope mumbles, while getting up. He swings his legs over the edge and his upper body follows. You can’t help but let out a little chuckle while shaking your head at him. He leans his elbows on his knees, and lets his head drop into his hands. 

“Here, drink some water.” 

You hand him the glass from the table and go to shake out two pills from the bottle. 

“No no, I’m fine without.” 

He says after taking three generous gulps of water from the full glass. 

“It will help with the pain.”

You tell him, holding your hand out towards his. 

“Why?” 

He asks, and you answer absentmindedly. 

“Because there are chemicals in this that will help you relax.” 

Roope shakes his head at you and sighs. 

“No, I mean, why are you always so kind to me? Why do you care so much?” 

You feel your heart sting and sink to your stomach. 

“Do you not want me to?” 

The fact that you are getting defensive about this should tell him enough. But he only seems to get more fired up. 

“Don’t answer a question with another question.”

And you swear, time stops for a second, giving you time to think a few thoughts. First, that you should never have let him stay. Second, that there are a million better ways to do this. And third of all; fuck it. 

“Because I want to be someone to you.”

He frowns at that, trying to take a step towards you, only to discover that you’ve moved to the other side of the coffee table. 

“Of course you are someone to me, you’re my best friend.”

Roope even cocks his head to the side in confusion. 

“I want to be that someone to you. Not just your best friend. I want you to hold me in public, I want you to take me out on the dance floor when we go out, and I want you to not rush home after a night in. I want to be able to put on your jersey and not feel like an imposter. I think I want more than you’re willing to give. And that’s fine. I’ll get over it.” 

You don’t realize you have moved through the apartment, and you don’t realize that Roope has followed you. You do know though, because you can see his reflection behind you in the window.

“All of me, if you’re willing. I’ll give you all of me, because you’re not just my best friend, you’re the friend I call whether I’m happy or sad. When I’m having a crisis or don’t feel well I think of you, or come here. I just didn’t think you’d want all of the public stuff, cause I know you’re a private person.” 

He has been moving closer and closer, now you can feel him behind you, across the entire plane of your back. In the reflection, his head is a little bent and his breath is fanning across your neck. 

“All of me, is what I can give you.” 

Roope whispers, sending tickles down your spine. 

“Are you sure?” 

You close your eyes as you lean into his chest, feeling him wrap his arms around your front. 

“Never more sure of anything.” 

The confirmation makes everything fall into its rightful place inside you, so you lift a hand to the back of his neck, which causes him to lean down and place a soft kiss on your lips. 

[incorrectly-quoted-queers]

Star Trek: Discovery "That Hope Is You Pt. 2"- And So It Begins

How wonderfully fitting so that my personal blog needs can match the Star Trek episode I wanna talk about! Serendipitous, right? Anyway, here we are on a Thursday to begin a new weekly thing I want to do for my sanity: Star Trek Thursdays! I know that isn't the satisfying alliteration that people might want, but Thursdays have been my least favorite days of the week since I was like, 6. My theory is that Monday is dreary, but fine, Tuesday you start hitting your stride, Wednesdays are neat because they're like the sweet spot of getting your act together, Friday is the last day of the work/school week, and of course the weekend is... the weekend. But Thursday is this weird spot where my excitement for the week is running out of steam and it's like, a lame tease for Fridays. So I've always hated it. But as my career has been doing better, I made a quality of life decision where I will go to work slightly later (sorry if that's flexing my freelancer privilege) and extend my morning tea drink and watch the most recent Star Trek. And with the final episode of Star Trek: Discovery's third season, I will start by doing a little writing warm-up each Thursday! So, these new Thursday blogs won't quite be reviews or personal blogs or just reactions, but a sort of blend of the three depending on the week. We got the gist? Okay? Okay. Now I'll get to talking about the actual episode and WE BETTER because I really liked this one. Let's start with the bad just to get it out of the way. I am bummed and concerned about the implications of Saru leaving Discovery. At the very least, it didn't feel clear that he'd be coming back to the ship and that greatly upsets me. Doug Jones is arguably one of my favorite actors and Saru was the anchor that made me adore Discovery even at its weakest points. While I know people come and go (like we always knew Pike was temporary) the thing is that Saru felt so... integral to Discovery. I can understand wanting to finally make Michael "Captain Burnham" finally, and she definitely deserves it. I'm just v stressed about possibly losing my favorite lanky alien. What I liked about a lot of this season was a decrease in the Kelvin inspired action-bonanza. Yes, Trek always had some action going on, but I appreciate more episodes that focus on societies and ideals and curious science. While the rest of the season was better than others, this final episode was pretty hardcore action-y and it was... fine? I just don't prefer it. I think Osyraa might've been the best Discovery villain so far and her death felt just sort of... anti-climactic. Like, I think a charm of old Star Trek villains is how the captains would run into them and then some time would pass, they'd evolve or become scarier, and they'd find new ways to tackle them. I was kinda hopeful that could happen with Osyraa & the Emerald Chain. But alas, she's just... dead. I'm meh on the new uniforms. I've always been a big fan of the old ones, though. NOW TO THE GOOD! Disabled super-genius is *chef's kiss*. Give me that sweet, sweet representation. The b-plot of Tilly and the crew trying to blow up the nacelles felt really older Star Trek and I like it. Owo+Keyla always makes me happy, but also Owo+Keyla is not confirmed either so 0_0 The baby family unit of Adira, Stamets, and Culber makes me very happy. Also making Gray a real character over time also makes me happy. He's probably going to end up a hologram and I am very okay with that. I want to see more of them. I think after all the trials she went through this season, Burnham absolutely deserves this captain's post. I also am so happy that a captain gets a love interest. It's good comeuppance for all the BS struggle she's had to deal with. Not just this season, but the past 3. It feels like we got a weird 3 season prologue to how the proper captain got their chair and it's kinda weird but I also kinda like it? But maybe I'm at a point where I'm attached to the crew enough to be like "yep, this is good". So, as Captain Burnham's adventure begins, so does my Star Trek blogging. (As well as a couple other secret things I hope I can talk about more in the future). But for now, I'm settled. Next week (until  I am graced with a new season of something something Trek), let's start at the beginning of TOS and go from there. ....And yes, that means we're gonna get real gay. 

PS: Anyone else get gay Kelpian vibes from Sokal and Saru?

[dayna-scully]

ncis/tiva liveblog...the dregs

season 3  |  season 4   |  season 5  |  season 6  |  season 7  |  season 8  |  season 9  |  season 10

11x01

the real whiskey tango foxtrot is the writing on this show

at the moment, you

😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖

want some company?

yes :-)

murder me???????

“this is good”

that fake typing though

you’ll always be an agent in her heart

is mcgee Abby’s Shannon

after what happened to secnav, how can I stay?

oh gut punch

clonk

I mean, someone’s gonna get a souvenir from Tony’s trip to Israel

a living, breathing, tiny human souvenir…

maybe it’s not the brightest idea, but we’re not coworkers anymore, so

Anthony!!!!!!

he was so happy

I’ll travel for good hummus

I didn’t know that “hummus” was, uh, some kind of new…slang

but all of their stuff is still there?

mid century mob hit

where’s ziva?

thank you dick

he reminds me of the terrible sweets clone bones got after sweets died

which was a terrible decision, btw

who would she trust

TONY

SHE WOULD TRUST TONY

oh tony

11x02

don’t worry tony, we will be okay

can you put the hammer down please

perhaps the him is you

baby ziva hadn’t yet been weaponized by the men in her life

gibbs absolutely knows who Captain Kirk is

why should she have the man that she loves

wow that’s really dark

and cruel

he looks good with some hair on his face

Tim does not

I can’t believe they’ve kept that goatee on him for multiple seasons

tony should have stayed in Israel

baby!!!!

“I meant to do that this morning”

HE DIDNT FORGET HE WAS JUST TOO BUSY GETTING BUSY

confession: I don’t think I’ve ever actually watched this episode

I didn’t watch s11 because at that point we (obvs) knew cote wasn’t staying

yeah dinozzo can sure feel somethin

maybe you could try saying what you’re saying

he already found her, dad

you know how hard that was

you did not have to do any of this

except???? He did????

her “old life” man fuck these writers

finally I found you here, of course

FUCK THESE WRITERS

the center of all this pain is me

I’ll kill whoever wrote that

I hate these people!!!!

this is what Eli made of her

bad adr

tony should have stayed

it’s a start

you don’t have to do this alone

ziva was a fantastic investigator, regardless of what she did for Mossad

she loved being an investigator

this doesn’t make sense

just come home

I remember after truth and consequences came out I sat down with a notebook and my iPod and whittled down a tiva playlist

it was a very intense project

I just want you to come home with me

oh tony

I can change with you

he should have just…stayed

that’s a very bad fake black eye

did he clip Tobias’ ass

you shot me in the ass!

I’m the one got shot in the ass for it

they done did it

I want to make him proud

😖😖😖😖😖 her daddy

alone

that’s horseshit

horseshit!

tony you are so…loved

I wanna be done with this

this hurts more than I remember

I am more angry about all this than I remember

then came tali

pick up the phone!!!

hey ziver

13x24

who made these terrible styling choices

why does tony look like an old man

I bet it’s the same person who thinks that goatee McGee has now was a good idea

I can’t stay here

surely she would have told gibbs

right??

he wouldn’t have told tony

maybe she wouldn’t have told him tony was the father

oh tony

ah, dinozzo

oh are you just fucking figuring that out now gibbs??????

ten years later??????

really???

I hate these writers

I need to know what happened

I’ll breathe when Trent kort is dead

are these writers fucking serious

his ziver???????

fuck

stop with the monologue

something about you running off with her father

friends don’t let friends get hit by mortar fire

you’re Mossad you know everything

like, this whole ass house was leveled to nothing but tali’s room just…survived intact

how convenient!!!!! Almost like ziva had planned this!!!!

tali girl

tali is ziva’s daughter

and your daughter, tony

what a clusterfuck

no doubts

that was not her decision to make

it wasn’t

it was, for once, in character

but it was a shitty decision nonetheless

she knew you wouldn’t be pleased/then she never knew me at all

we cannot lose sight of Anthony

daddy tony

tali’s aba

your mom always packed a go bag

because she was always one step ahead

and she would have been ahead of this

you’re a single dad now, tony

were you and ziva an item the whole time

because lbr of all of them, McGee would absolutely be the last one to figure it out

and he wouldn’t even figure it out, Abby would tell him

I loved her, Tim

ima and aba

ziva must have told her

tony must have always had that with him

I think I’ve decided against watching 16x13

I know the gist of what happens, I’ve seen the screenshots

I don’t read Hebrew, so the fantranslations are all I really need anyways

I don’t really want to watch them write gibbs badly again

how did he get his eyeball back

selective morality

she was my family

I’ve never been anybody’s everything before

abby knew

abby 100% knew

aaand I’m done

I don’t even really know how to summarize all of this.  I don’t understand the thought that will-they-won’t-they is somehow more exciting and fulfilling than consummation of slowburn.  Shows keep doing it over and over again, and sometimes they get it right at the last minute (see: josh and Donna, tww) but most of the time they get it wrong.  Like at least with something like Olivia and Elliot (svu) there was a reason that they couldn’t be together - he was married (though I think they could have and should have handled Chris leaving better than him just vanishing).

Bones kind of fumbled through it all - I don’t think that they would have put b/b together if Em hadn’t gotten pregnant.  Maybe eventually, but I think they had and would have made the same mistakes the ncis writers did.

Clearly that could have been handled better, but like b/b being together was so good?? They were happy, there was still drama, but god it wasn’t a poorly written tease (well, actually, let’s not get into the quality of the writing on Bones)

Cote is such a fantastic actor, and as horrible as MW is, he is (was??) a really good match for her (was if only because bull kind of sucks and I’m not sure if it’s shitty writing or him sucking or him not wanting to be there??).  There was so much emotion and intensity in all of their scenes, romantic or not, it’s absolutely astounding.  I really appreciate them for all the effort that they put into tiva, because they were really the heart of it.

How often do you have couples that are written but not acted? Couples with absolutely no on-screen chemistry, and actors who can’t or won’t put the effort in to make it work.  And they had that!  They could have done so much with it.  But the writers failed. Over and over again, they failed to deliver consistent characterization and complex plots beyond the same old.

Tony was so much more than a frat boy.

Ziva was so much more than a weapon and a perpetual victim.

I was trying to find good fanfic while I was watching (I…didn’t find much), but there was one where the author decided that Ziva, who was alive, had only put the message out that tali was Tony’s because she knew it would get his attention, and that tali was just some random guy’s.  And that really pisses me off.  Ziva (the writers) made some really poor choices in regards to Ziva’s impulse control, but that’s too far - Ziva wouldn’t intentionally hurt tony, and that would be the worst thing she could do.

Ugh.  I’m tired.

basically how I feel about the series:

[momo-de-avis]

Do you have any tips on how to start writing? I'm really bad at expressing my thoughts well so I figure if I write like, a diary or something I may get better at talking,

A diary is actually a good thing! A great thing, actually. Because it allows you to practice for yourself only. It’s one of those little writing corners where you can just be yourself, unlimited, boundless, as you wish, and no one will criticize you. If you allow your thoughts to just pour onto the paper, even if only a paragraph per day, I guarantee you will grow. It’s important for writers to keep practising, and it’s common advice to just tell WRITE EVERY DAY, which isn’t so helpful as people make it seem. Most of the time, people use this to mean like, write a story, a short story, participate in NaNoWriMo (if you’re like me and don’t like to set up goals like Nano does in fear of disappointing yourself or are just plain bad with deadlines, Nano is a terrible idea). But actually, a diary does wonders. It’s the perfect way of practising, and it goes both ways---you vent and you practice. It’s for you alone.

First of all: don’t be too demanding on yourself. Whether it’s word/page count, deadlines or quality of what you’re creating, it’s important to keep in mind that you’re just starting and, even if you aren’t, it’s a first draft. First drafts are supposed to be just that---the very first time you write down your idea. It’s supposed to be a rough diamond that will be shaped later on into whatever you want it to be. For some people, that means write it once and then rewrite it entirely (I’m those people), for others it just means it’s got a main body, and then you just work what you have. It really depends. People have different methods, so no matter how much others tell you to do this way or that way, it’s your way that matters. 

Keep exploring your possibilities so you’ll find your work method. Listen to other’s people’s advice only to the limit of your abilities. If you try out a method and you can feel it in your bones right off the bad it just doesn’t work for you, quit it. It’s no good forcing something you’re not on par with. Just scratch that altogether. Methods, discipline, plotting---that varies from person to person and I detest when others say there is a right or wrong way to do things. There isn’t.

As for plotting, there are several ways to go about it---but take this with a grain of salt. I never followed a single method until I found out there are names for this shit. What I do is called a zero draft, or the Direct Writing Process. Word vomit onto paper, in other words. I have an idea, I think about it for a while and just pour it out. I personally work very well with freewriting and improvisation. I am a pantser---that means I don’t plot, I just define my characters, my conflict, my goal, some plot points and go on instinct. Most of the times, other plot points emerge as I write. They just pop up in the process. Other people can be plotters: they plot the whole thing down to the detail. Those are more likely to use methods like the snowflake method, or the 3 Act Method (I personally hate the 3 Act method. I think it’s super limited and most stories these day’s don’t necessarily follow a 3 act structure, but a structuralized (around 5 acts, if you will) plot that has inciting incident (the thing that sets the story off), plot points (the things that push the plot forward), plot twist (NOT necessary in a story, and I hate that we’re in a day and age that’s convinced people that a story MUST have a plot twist---it really doesn’t. Sometimes being predictable is good), and a conclusion. The 3 Act thing is mostly used in cinema, from what I learned).

(Keep in mind there are other methods, these are just the ones whose names I remember)

Pick up books within the genre you’d like to explore and read a lot. Now, I know, this is that sort of shit people just love telling new writers as the number one advice, but I think what lacks is telling people ways of how to read when you’re a writer. So here is how I do it:

I mark pages that have passages that I want to go back to, underline sentences that inspired me and make mental notes of literary devices and word combos that are new and useful to me. The reason why it’s so important to read a lot when you want to write is to submerge yourself in the millions of styles out there in order to find your voice. Re-read passages that make you go ‘shit, that was really good!’ and let yourself be submerged by it. Disconnect from the world if you have to. Re-read the books that have inspired you. When you finish a book you loved, ask yourself why you loved it---take notes, even. Just write down the things you enjoyed, make little essays for yourself. It’s not just that reading a lot helps when you want to write, you gotta THINK about what you read. For youself (USE YOUR DIARY :D).

And on that account, and I am dead serious here, read bad shit. I mean it. Read the worst possible book you can find. You’re going to read a lot of advice saying ‘you shouldn’t do this when you write’, and I’ll tell you right off the bat that I HATE ‘should-and-shouldn’t-dos’ advice for writers. You’ll read that fragmented sentences and heavy thick paragraphs are a bad thing because it wears out the reader, then you pick up Donna Tartt and realize she does that A LOT. So why does she get away with it? Because she’s good at it. The advice should always be ‘do it well’, not ‘don’t do it at all’ (generally speaking, do not trust someone who tells you there are other rules to writing besides grammatical).

But the bad books? Bruh they’re a perfect guide to How Not To Do Things because, contrary to Mister White Male Pulitzer spreading advice on Literary Hub, those books actually show you why it doesn’t work. And by showing you how it doesn’t work, you get an idea of ONE WAY it shouldn’t be done. So while Donna Tartt is great at heavy, thick paragraphs, you pick up fucking Eragon and get the gist of just one way it won’t work: when it forces you to pick up a thesaurus and basically search for every other word in there.

Then, of course, practice. By practicing, I mean---do whatever the crap you want. I cannot express enough how much I want every knew writer out there to cover their ears and go BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH every time someone tries to tell them what they should and shouldn’t do, because when you’re starting, it’s REALLY IMPORTANT that you just go out of boundaries as best as you can. You learn from your mistakes. But you gotta know why they’re mistakes. No one learns a damn thing by being told ‘this is bad’. You gotta see it for yourself. You gotta feel it. You gotta experiment. Because it might just happen that one day, it won’t be bad. And that will mean you will have found a way of reverted a rule---and that in itself means you’re finding your own voice.

So keep experimenting. I’m serious. Don’t be afraid of trying out. Never wrote Sci-fi? Fuck it. Try it out even without reading a book---it’s for yourself, get into the mood and do what you please. Never tried poetry? Go ahead. Be wacky about it. Make it visual, fuck rhyming and do what you please. Want to write a thing that’s historical but haven’t researched that bit of history? Experiment all the same. Go back and forth between your reading and your writing (one thing I do a lot is put the book I’m reading down for a second to go write something because I got so inspired by what I’m reading. If that happens to you, my advice is---bruh let it out. Don’t tame it. Don’t put a lid on it. FLOURISH).

There’s one thing I like telling people: there is no such thing as a bad idea, there are only ideas that need working.

I repeat: no such thing as a bad idea.

You really wanna write something that just came up to you but you’re thinking ‘I’m afraid this is too cliché’? Fuck that. For the love of God, AVOID thinking about the word cliché at all times. Clichés aren’t bad, they’re only bad when they aren’t worked properly. And there’s a reason they exist---people like them. So, let’s swipe that away right now and focus on what’s important: you have an idea, and you want to work it. But something feels off. That just means you need to rethink some concepts, NOT that the idea itself is bad.

Keep in mind that, sometimes, a story takes time to mature. It might mean you’re too young to write it (the one I have on wattpad that’s a first draft btw, Best of Times, I had the idea at 18, but it’s very political and I was Clueless (TM), I had to wait until I matured). Be patient and kind to yourself---you need time, and with you, so does your story. Don’t force anything out, cause a lemon can only squeeze so much juice. Leave a WIP unfinished if you have to, and jump to another one to clear your head---there is absolutely no problem with that (boy do I do that).

With that in mind: Sometimes, walking away from a WIP is a good thing.

Now, as for expressing yourself: as I mentioned above, reading a lot might help. But here’s the thing. Expressing yourself doesn’t come from reading and understanding literature, it comes from yourself. Read a lot and take notes, pay attention to literary devices, ESPECIALLY pay attention to how certain writers break rules. But then, work yourself out.

See, bruh. Work your vision. Look at the world around you. You know how they say a musician is good when they develop good earing? A writer is good when they learn how to see, to see into the world around them in their own way. Listen to the people around you, enjoy the little things in life, observe life’s intervals. Actually, on this aspect let me recommend a book: Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli. It’s a YA I think, very small and it was the one book I read when I was 13 that changed my life. It’s also a life-lesson for writers on the matter of ‘how to make the cliché absolutely beautiful’ and ‘how to grab a plot that’s been overdone and make it special’. Here is a synopsis. 

So, all in all, I would say: read, experiment, see and practice. Search for your inner voice. Don’t EVER throw away an idea.

HAPPY WRITINGS, ANON

[foreverfallen]

SPN questionnaire

I was tagged by no one. I just saw it on the dash and wanted to do it. 

***

1. When did you start watching Supernatural? From the pilot episode when it started airing. So this show has been in my life for 14 years. My dad, brother, and I used to watch Smallville together, Jensen was on there, I knew he was going to this new show, Supernatural (and I saw the advertisements for it and it looked good, etc.) so what do you know, I followed over and have been watching ever since. 

2. Who is your favorite in TFW? Really, it started out Dean, but has morphed into Sam over the seasons. 

3. Who is your least favorite in TFW? Process of elimination leaves me with choosing Castiel for this, and I mean, I liked Cas a lot in the earlier seasons. Not so much when he became more “comic-relief” and that’s all. 

4. Tag your top 5 Supernatural blogs. Not gonna tag people but... those I RP with constantly--you’re my faves. Luci fans are my faves. You get the gist. 

5. Who is your favorite character (not including TFW)? Should be obvious, shouldn’t it? ;) I’ve loved him since season 5, okay; I’ve never stopped and I’m not going to because he’ll always be MY character. And writers are stupid. 

6. Who is your favorite woman in Supernatural? I really liked Ruby, actually. Then again, Lilith. If you’re asking for good guys-- Jo and Ellen, and Jody Mills. 

7. John or Mary? Papa Winchester, all the way. Mary’s awesome, don’t get me wrong, and I enjoy her but... I don’t know. John is where it’s at. 

8. What were your first opinions of Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack? 

First opinions? As in what I thought 14 years ago?! (In Sam and Dean’s case?) You gotta be kidding me! I’ll go with what I think I remember haha. 

Sam: Love this guy. A little too angsty, a little dramatic, perfect bitch-face. A+ on the little brother attitude, though. (And like I already said, definitely became my fave of the two over the seasons.)  

Dean: Originally got me watching the show. Attitude is great. Lots of trauma and just the kinda character I connect with. Badass. Again with the A+ on the sibling level. 

Cas: Badass angel in the house! We’re talking angels now, awesome! Bring on the apocalypse! (Seriously I loved Cas-the-angel-soldier in the beginning. The badass. His intro remains one of my faves.) 

Jack: Must. Protect. The. Precious. 

9. What’s your favorite season? There’s aspects of pretty much all I enjoy, but season 5. Hands down for me, season 5. 

10. What’s your least favorite season? Probably one of these later ones because of certain character butchering. Or one of those just after 5 (circa 6-7 or so? It’s a little hazy) where they were trying to find their feet again after the end of the initial apocalyptic arc. And you can tell the writing is more choppy and it doesn’t flow as prettily. 

11. Opinions on Destiel? Ship it? Sure, why not. Not a hardcore shipper, mind you but if the show ever decided to turn it to beyond a friendship, I wouldn’t be opposed. It’s one of those, the signs to see it are there, so see what you want, ship what you want--but let others do the same; that’s my philosophy. (So yeah, sometimes the fandom turns me off but the ship itself? I don’t have a problem with it.) 

12. Do you believe Supernatural queerbaits? I think every show has done that to certain extent, or it’s one of those “you see what you wanna see” kinda thing, through rose colored glasses. I don’t feel anyone does it intentionally harmfully, but... yeah, there’s the possibility of some times where it’s more overt, the “signs” being read a certain way, never to be panned out or done anything with, so... I can see the argument. (Sorry, bad experiences in other fandoms with this.) 

13. Seasons 1-7 or 8-14? Considering I remember 1-7 more (as in specific episodes and details and the other are more... hazy in my mind)? I’ve gotta go with 1-7. Or, more specifically, 1-5 ;) 

14. Favorite villain (plot wise)? See, the ones that I could put here, I don’t consider villains. Not in the whole sense. Lucifer, Crowley, Amara... They either almost turned heroic or got shafted in some way (through writing or what have you). Lilith? Or, no, let’s go old school, let’s go with Azazel. ;) 

15. Do you think they should end the Lucifer plot line? Depends. I love seeing him on my screen, yes. Are they going to keep butchering his character? Making him someone he’s not? Then let it rest and leave it up to certain members of fandom to love and appreciate the archangels that the silly show never did! Thank you and goodnight. 

16. Who do you think has gone through more trauma (Sam, Dean, or Cas)? I’d probably have to say Dean. Sam has had severe moments yes, but I think Dean might win on this one. And even though Cas has outlived them for like... ever, he’s not really lived through anything greatly traumatic for all those years that we’re aware of (really?) so... Dean. 

17. What’s your favorite Supernatural episode? The ones that hurt me the most. Abandon All Hope. Hammer of the Gods. Swan Song. (And yes, those are all from season 5, I’m well aware of that.) 

18. Do you like case episodes? In the beginning, yes. Nowadays... not so much? I like the big mythology ones, rather than the filler episodes, and to be honest, a completely case episode, monster-of-the-week ep seems too filler for me these days. 

19. Who do you relate most to in TFW? Aspects of Dean and Sam, really. The older sibling quality in Dean, looking after the younger, etc. But the book smarts of Sam, I relate to. So... If I could mix those two together, I’d have the perfect one. 

20. Why do you like Supernatural? This show has been a part of my life for most of my life, let’s be real. I’ve met amazing people because of it, even if some are gone (internet wise), and done amazing things. It’s a community and a way of life, really; not just a little TV show. I wouldn’t trade my experiences because of this show for anything in the world, and Supernatural is the only show that’s given that. 

21. If you could bring back one character and kill off another who would they be? Bring back the archangels (but if we’re talking humans only, then... can I say John forever?), and as far as killing off someone... I don’t know. There’s no one that really irks me enough to want to destroy completely right now... 

*I tag whoever wants to do this!*

[thepillareddark]

Blunt Repetition in The Mountain Goats

This happens a lot, doesn’t it?

The most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway

Is that it's you and that you are standing in the doorway

-Going to Georgia

 This seems like a good place to start with it, because it’s the most direct part of a direct song, and it’s early on in the career. The actual effect is in a sense obvious: it’s a doubling down on a thought to give a quick psychological insight which propels the focus and intensity of the speaker, the kind of “I don’t care about anything but this right now”. Out of all of JD’s narrators it seems the “Going to Georgia” type does this the most, the extremely intent, slightly psychotic, deliriously happy guy who has reached the end of a kind of pilgrimage, and is a touch self-destructive.

A funny thing is that this trope, which I don’t have time to document every single instance of, starts to appear a lot more in his later work, and happens a lot on Transcendental Youth. Here are all the instances I obviously see on that album:

 I hide down in my corner because I like my corner

Every dream’s a good dream, even awful dreams are good

Nothing in the shadows but the shadow hands

And you can't tell me what my spirit tells me isn't true

I don’t have to be afraid, I don’t wanna be afraid

 I once wrote an essay on what repetition means for poetry and here are some ideas that arose in that essay:

1. When you repeat something you can’t miss the fact that you’ve repeated it, but you can miss the fact of a connection between the old word and the new word if you chose a new one

2. The first use of a word threatens the repetition of the word because the second time it is used it has to justify itself in a way it didn’t have to before

3. When we repeat, the space inbetween the repetitions can often imply a liminal space during which something changed

4. Most obviously, obsession with repetition betrays a desire to live in the past or to recall the sweetest first glimpse of a strong emotion

 Safe to say when I say “obviously see” I mean that compulsive behaviour performs the same effect in the speaker from our point of view, the reduction of life from a complication which is too awful to bear (illegality, drug addiction, total torment) into a series of actions which you can handle:

“Dig through the trash, sleep on the grates, and watch for the cars with the counterfeit Florida plates”

Or the directness of

“I am just a broken machine and I do things that I don’t really mean”

And this happens also in You or Your Memory where the hook acts to refocus the speaker by honing in on his eyes in the mirror, and on a few objects which, by having names that don’t immediately imply their properties as drugs, highlight their own existences as things to be focused on:

And when I came back I spread out my supplies

On the counter by the sink

I looked myself right in the eyes

St. Joseph’s baby aspirin

Bartles and Jaymes

And you or your memory

I don’t know the exact grammatical term for what happens in Counterfeit Florida Plates and a lot of other TMG songs- it’s not parataxis, I don’t think- but it’s that proposal of a sentence which floats as if to indicate that the noun is a definite article:

Steal some sunscreen / From the CVS

Like it might be “THE sunscreen”, that sunscreen is an essential activity which is part of a day that is composed of schizophrenic activities and survival, or when establishing “Wear Black”:

Rain everyday

Fog all night

Wind in the evergreen cypresses

(these lines may also be gothic fantasies, but I also could have picked surrounded, “Pale white moon, quaking aspens etc.)

That is, these things are turned into essential categories as a way to cope. To return that to Transcendental Youth it helps us reaffirm the obvious, which is that this is a survival technique. You refocus down onto one thing, and in a song this is greatly effective because the listener naturally expects a varying ending, but doesn’t get one. It’s kind of motivating and powerful. I don’t really need to explain the effect, you know what I mean and how it feels. That type of repetition sits explicitly at the centre of two songs on the album:

Stay alive, just stay alive

If this article has any point apart from pointing out a nice trope, it’s to touch on a much larger subject which deserves a separate study, which is this:

Poets can’t write lyrics

Nick Cave and Leonard Cohen are actually good examples of this, and it obviously doesn’t mean that their music is bad, but it becomes quite clear that both writers cross into spoken word because they prioritise words over how they fit into songs.

Deciding whether Bob Dylan deserved a literature prize (he didn’t) was so difficult because he was very, very good at balancing directness and poetry. Obviously I love JD but it would be a lot easier for judges, who clearly don’t think about this sort of thing enough, to disqualify him from literature prizes because his lyrical power is so often (but not always) dependent on being direct, as a lot of songs are. He’s more of a lyricist than a poet, and his prose writing shows great similarity with his lyrics. 

If you disagree with my general gist, then try writing out a song which you think is very poetical as just the lyrics, and then comparing it to a good poem. You’ll almost definitely find that the song has a storytelling quality, not just because songs are so typically stories, but because connective language and concrete direction of the song (songs are always the same length and speed) will always tend us towards storytelling, rather than poetic ambiguity. This is NOT intended as a judgement on quality, as literature JD’s lyrics are a lot better than a lot of poems I know (see a much earlier article of mine on why calling something “poetry” shouldn’t be a value judgement), it’s just a comment on how different writers approach literature.

Now I KNOW that this is hugely simplified- good poems aren’t always ambiguous, some very good songs are abstract, and directness vs abstraction is a bad dichotomy to look at anything by- but I think my point, which would need a book-length study to explain in full, is essentially clear.

Love,

Alex

[melpomenecokr]

﹟ ♡  THIS MONTH IN MUSIC  :  APRIL 2019. 

♡♡♡

This month was surprisingly rich and eventful when musical releases are considered; I had a hard time picking my top five of the month, especially when a lot of great releases trickled in near the end. However, as many character flaws as I have, being indecisive typically isn’t one of them, so without further ado, here are my top five recommendations for the month of April. 

Before we get into it, though, I just want to say I know that I missed last month -- you guys won’t let me hear the end of it, and rightfully so. I won’t make a lot of excuses beyond there was a lot going on with work and in my personal life, but I’ll do my best not to miss another month again. March wasn’t that eventful anyway, though there were a few gems. If you’d still like me to talk about them at a later time, let me know.

Anyway, let’s get started. As always, all links for streaming and purchase will be included in each section. Please support these artists and their great music. 

#005. “THANKS (고맙다)” - DOUBLE SINGLE BY GEMINI (제미나이) RELEASE DATE: 06 APRIL 2019

Now, this may be a little shocking and possibly even upsetting to some of my readers, but I’m actually not entirely all-that-familiar with the whole Gemini situation, even if my younger sister is under their same company. All that went on while I was still in college,and trust me, I had a lot of drama of my own to sort through at the time, but the gist of what I knew before this release was that they were involuntarily put through a survival show where half the group got cut. Through my sister’s experiences, I know a little bit of what it can be like to be in a group; you literally spend every second of your time together and more often than not, the members get really close. The pain that event must have caused them is so tangible with this release, even three years after everything happened as it did, as the twelve of them briefly reunited to release these two songs. 

With that bit of background out of the way, “Thanks (고맙다)” consists of two songs; one with the exact same title and another called “Don’t Wanna Cry (울고 싶지 않아).” Both songs are Future Bass-esque tracks with modulated synth patterns and heavy beat drops, which I think is a unique pairing with such sad and emotional lyrics -- but it works well. In both cases, it really makes the listener feel the strength of their emotions, and it has the potential to generate this sort of bittersweet nostalgic feeling, which I find quite genius on the part of the arrangers and composers of these two songs; and sensibly, the members of Gemini themselves worked on every aspect of these songs together. It shows. 

For specifics, we’ll start with the title track, as it’s the first of the two that appears on the tracklist. “Thanks (고맙다)” is, in my opinion, the lyrically superior of these two tracks, so I’m glad to see it as the title. The chorus is so powerful both lyrically and musically that I got that lump in my throat as I listened, and even as someone who doesn’t know the entirety of their story, I really felt for these boys and all they had been through together, and apart. The general message speaks toward the regret they feel for not better articulating how much they cared for one another while they were together, so they take this time now to thank each other "even after all the waiting, all the longing, and all of our memories.” That’s a truly beautiful message, and I believe it may be encouraging to other groups not to take each other for granted, because you never know what your company will do with you, at the end of the day. 

“Don’t Wanna Cry (울고 싶지 않아),” while not as lyrically solid as its predecessor, is definitely the sadder of the two songs as you may have gathered from the title. The synths are used in a way that support the simple chorus so that the listener can feel more than hear how the events of the survival show have affected them. According to the album description, this song was actually written three years ago, right after the events of the show came to an end -- but they re-recorded and released it now that they have the chance. It definitely shows how their skills as lyricists and artists have progressed; this isn’t a bad song at all, don’t get me wrong, but I almost feel as though “Don’t Wanna Cry (울고 싶지 않아),” should have been first on the tracklist because the way it conveys a simpler, though sadder message. On this track, the members of Gemini are basically telling each other how sad they are to be separated, and how much they wish things could have been different -- but how, in the end, they’ll be strong for one another, and always there for each other, waiting to do anything they can, and for the chance to be together again. It almost seems like a love song, honestly, and I appreciate the emphasis on the vulnerability and the value these boys place on their relationship. It’s definitely something you don’t see a lot of boy groups doing. 

Listen to “Thanks (고맙다)” here and stream the music video here. 

#004. “RUSSIAN DOLL” - STUDIO ALBUM BY COLA RELEASE DATE: 25 APRIL 2019

I feel as though everyone has those artists that they know about and appreciate but don’t heavily “stan” so, ashamedly, some things fly under the radar. That’s Cola for me. I love to see more experimental and bold artists out there, especially male ones, because male artists in the industry tend to repeat and copy the same trends and styles and ideas and it gets stale really quick. But Cola always brings something fresh and new, and that’s what I can really appreciate about his music. I didn’t let “Russian Doll” slip through the cracks for me; as soon as I heard it had come out, I dropped everything and went to listen. And let me tell you, I was far from disappointed. 

As Cola’s fourth full-length album, “Russian Doll” consists of 12 tracks, with one title. As this isn’t an in-depth review of the album, I can’t talk about every song, but I’ll tell you now that all of them are worth your listen. The two I’d like to highlight are “Golden Age” and “Motherfucker,” and of course I have to talk about the title track, “Juice.” 

“Golden Age” is the first song on the tracklist, and I think this was done with incredible purpose. The slow progression of both the lyrics and the music together really sets the mood for the rest of the album, which takes you on this sort of rollercoaster of emotions and sensations. The lyrics are delivered with so much emotion that it can be easy to forget about the accompanying music, but the way the vocals are pushed to the forefront is actually really appropriate for a song like this, in my opinion, and the way the progression is paced sort of primes you for this huge bang that doesn’t actually come within this track itself, but that’s okay. An explosive bridge or a sudden change in tone would have felt weird with a song like this, and I like it as a standalone, but I think it’s supposed to lead you into the album, like the prologue of a story. On top of that, the deeply personal lyrics convey a theme of self-discovery and self-giving love, which is really sweet. As painfully single and alone as I am, this song really made me feel loved for four minutes. 

Remember that “bang” I just mentioned? That’s “Juice.” I was not expecting this energetic pop song right after “Golden Age” just plunged me deep in my feelings, but I think that’s what makes this song an even better experience than just listening to it on its own. As a pop connoisseur, I love everything about this song -- the high and light vocals, the disco-synth beat, the overt sexual innuendos -- it’s great. I can already see future-Melody in her skintight rainbow dress dancing to this in the gay bar after having too many sangrias, and I’m happy for her. I hope she gets juiced, too. 

The last song from this album I’d like to talk about is track seven, “Motherfucker.” And no, I don’t just like this song because I have a potty mouth, though that’s definitely a factor; the fact of the matter is that lyrically, this song is really something special. The lyrics are written and delivered in this short-of-breath kind of way that makes the song feel so simple and yet so passionate, and the way its so in-control of itself as a song is excellent. This song knows exactly what it is and Cola knows exactly what he wants to say, and how to say it. I feel like most will agree with me here, but the lyrics “do you really want me to write a feminist anthem? / I’m happy cooking dinner in the kitchen for my husband” sent me. There’s something so intrinsically feminist about that lyric, because its his choice. It’s not something he, or any person listening, should feel required to do because they hold a ‘submissive’ role in a relationship. But when it’s something you’re happy to do, regardless of what society says? That’s powerful. 

Listen to “Russian Doll” here.

#003. “OLD TOWN ROAD (REMIX)” - SINGLE BY LIL NAS X AND BILLY RAY CYRUS RELEASE DATE: 05 APRIL 2019

I know. Okay? I know. I am risking my credibility as a music journalist by putting this song in what is meant to be a serious review -- but hear me out. I’m more than willing to argue about why this song is unironically good all day long. As Lil Nas X says on the track himself, “Can’t nobody tell me nothin’.” 

The original “Old Town Road” came as 2018 was fading away (good riddance), and though it was pretty popular within the meme community as this fun and entertaining country-trap hybrid, it never really saw real status as a musical release. Lil Nas X was only 19 when he released it to SoundCloud, and as I’ve stated before, SoundCloud is not exactly the place to go if you want to find music of legit quality. Not always, at least. 

But when this remix hit the charts, everything changed. At first I didn’t even bother with it because I had listened to the original and while it served its purpose as a comical and light-hearted guilty-pleasure track, it wasn’t anything I was too invested in. Yet, as I’m sure any of you who have a twitter account are aware, this song was literally everywhere and was climbing the charts faster than anything I had ever seen before, so I gave in and listened. And, by god, this is among very few country songs I can actually enjoy -- and that’s saying a lot, as a country girl by birth. 

So, let’s get into why this song is so, so good. First of all, the arrangement is simple yet so effective, and the beat drop on the aforementioned “Can’t nobody tell me nothin’” chorus is borderline artistic. The way the vocals are synthesized and enhanced gives the song a completely different feel from its original, like something you can actually enjoy without feeling as though your best friend will side-eye you from the corner of the room (that is based on personal experience), and even if he did, you wouldn’t care. Admittedly, this song leaves a lot to be desired lyrically, but the simplistic rhyme scheme and Billy Ray Cyrus’ assertive and very iconic rap bring a joy to my heart that is nearly indescribable. 

My only complaint about this song is that it’s so short. At least one more refrain, or another verse would have been greatly appreciated since it feels like it stops so short, but that’s easily remedied by hitting the replay button. Not all songs have to be deep and thought-provoking to be good, and Lil Nas X deserved his big break with this infectious and spirit-lifting song he and Billy Ray Cyrus have brought us. 

Listen to “Old Town Road (Remix)” here. 

#002. “I LUV U” - SINGLE BY 5OGUE (보그) RELEASE DATE: 19 APRIL 2019

I felt somewhat depressed about missing my chance to review 5ogue’s sixth mini-album, “Mixed 6nals” last month, but as if they read my mind, they released an auxiliary single near the end of their promoting period to give me a second chance. (Side note: if you, my dear readers, are still interested in full a Mixed 6nals review, just let me know. I have a lot to say about that album.) They’ve actually done this before with their fifth mini-album, “Re:Covery” where they released “HXTE U” as a single as a gift to fans. I can only imagine how much work and planning goes into something like that, but 5ogue have shown themselves to be fiercely dedicated to their fans many times before, so I can’t say I’m surprised. 

Anyway, to be honest, I was kind of shocked when I first listened to this song because I thought I wasn’t too fond of it. I’ve stated many times before that I’m extremely picky with songs that have overly-repetitive lyrics because I feel like if they don’t serve a certain purpose, it’s just ear poison, but after my first listen I quickly released just how obsessed with this song I was, even if the word ‘like’ is said over 100 times. 

I don’t think I’m very susceptible to brainwashing, but the chorus went from being a little annoying to being infectious; I genuinely couldn’t stop listening to it because I couldn’t get enough, and the more I listened, the more the song grew on me. The chorus does most of the work for this track, and I think that’s where that ‘purpose’ i mentioned earlier comes in, because the verses are simple but are delivered in a way that center around the chorus and pull the song together perfectly. The message of being so extremely infatuated that it makes them physically and emotionally sick is conveyed in not only the lyrics, but the style and arrangement of the song itself, and that makes it so clever. They don’t glamourize that, either -- they show how unhealthy it is to think of someone that way, even if it can be sickeningly sweet. I love that. I luv that. 

5ogue have pretty much established themselves as the masters of Retro Pop, so the old-school-with-a-new-school twist aspects of this track come as no surprise, but rather as a nice brand that lets you know this is something they’ve created. And even if you’ve never been obsessed with another person to the degree this song expresses, the power vocals and smooth raps draw you in enough to invite you to their world, and to give you a taste of what its like. That’s brilliant to me, and 5ogue really stepped outside of the box with this song.

Listen to “I Luv U” here and stream the music video here.  

#001. “SUPREME” - EXTENDED PLAY BY WICKED! (위키드!) RELEASE DATE: 25 APRIL 2019

This may look like bias because, as many of you probably know, my sister is in this group. But, as many of you probably also know, I don’t really tend to let how much I like or dislike an artist influence my objective reaction to their music, so believe me when I say this album is number one because it’s amazing rather than my familial ties to it. 

Good? Good. 

That out of the way, let’s talk about “Supreme.” This is, by far, Wicked!’s best release to date and I’m not sure if they’ll be able to top it anytime soon. Every song on this mini-album was good, so much so that I struggled to pick which ones to discuss here at first, but after a long period of introspection I have settled on “No” and “Like It,” and of course we should at least briefly cover the other title track, “Kill This Love.” 

This album starts off with a bang, literally, as the heavy drum and trumpets of “Kill This Love” will actively scare the shit out of you if you aren’t expecting them. But, given this song’s disposition and very bold lyrics, I think that was more than intentional, as the girls discuss getting rid of a toxic and superficial love before it becomes something they can’t walk away from. Kimmy’s rap in this song is some of the best I’ve heard from her; the tumble-like flow and high-energy really adds to the overall message of this song -- that they’re strong enough to let go of something for their own good, even if they don’t necessarily want to do it on the surface level. The vocalists really came through on this song as well, and all the members really did their part to make this power anthem the great song that it is. 

Next up is “No,” one of my favourite songs to come out this year so far. This song actually distantly reminds me of “I’m Too Sexy” by Right Said Fred, with the low synths and dance-pop vibe it gives off, as well as the confident lyrics. Don’t get me wrong, though; these girls outsold those crusty white guys without any question concerning it. The chorus and Future Bass-like arrangement of it are so unique, and fuse with the idea of loving yourself and being confident in the things you like in an unexpected and yet perfect way. The bridge of this song is actually my favourite part, as it makes you just want to strut like a supermodel no matter what you’re doing or wearing. This song makes me feel sexy, independent, and free to do whatever I want, and I think that’s a common sentiment. It’s excellent work. 

Finally, I feel a begrudging need to talk about “Like It” -- and I have to say begrudging because, as fantastic of a song as this is, it’s really weird to hear my little sister sing about sexual sensations. But, we’re both grown women and I can look past that enough to tell you that “Like It” is one of the best songs on this incredible album, second to only “No,” in my opinion. The Dance-pop and R&B combination of this track is beautiful in terms of both its arrangement and how it fits with the sensual lyrics. Speaking of those lyrics, they’re pretty simple aside from the raps, but I think that’s perfect for a song like this because when you get to feeling so strongly about wanting to be with someone, you often can’t think straight. Maybe I’m giving the writers too much credit, but if that was intentional, it’s brilliant. 

Listen to “Supreme” here and stream its music videos here, here and here. 

Well, that’s all for this segment of This Month in Music. Be sure to tell me about your favourite songs of the month in the comments, and start a discussion about any of the points I’ve brought up today. I hope you enjoyed, and I helped you to discover at least one new song you love. ♡ 

[admiraldora]

an essay on antis no one’s gonna read but i wanna write anyway

I’ve spend the last week away from tumblr – something that hasn’t happened to me in years – and during this week  I’ve been thinking about the thing that made me leave tumblr temporarily –  the antis. I’ve tried to analyze why, of all stupid things I’ve seen on tumblr is what, six years?, this is the one that annoys me the most and takes all the joy out of my fandom experience.

Since it would be incredibly ironic for me to end up writing a post full of hatred and thus turn into an anti-anti, I am not exactly trying to bash antis, but mostly attempting to understand where this phenomenon is coming from and reconciliate myself with it, since I can neither do anything to stop the fandom wars on tumblr, nor leave this website. 

warning: this is hella long i’m sorry

First of all, I need to say that I’m unimportant enough on tumblr to have never had a personal confrontation with an anti, especially since I don’t like to participate in any kind of discourse. So all of this comes from my observations, nothing more.

Also, I’m not going to name any fandoms or characters here, because this is a problem in so many of them and I’m not trying to come after some particular group of antis, because I’ve seen people being both anti-things-i-like and anti-things-i-can’t-stand and, to be honest, I dislike all the antis equally. I am not going to say I don’t have bitter feelings towards particular characters or ships or whatever, and sometimes I’m so resentful I’m just unable not to reblog a post shitting on a character I dislike - I do all of these things! - but dedicating whole blogs to it, turning your tumblr experience into a mission, into a war – I do not understand that. That’s the gist of it - I don’t think I’m morally superior to the antis, but I don’t understand them and seeing their posts on my dash is irritating.

Important note: I am only going to talk about fandom antis here. There are real life issues that need resistance, that need antis. Fandoms, however, do not.

I have seen people claim that discourse is beneficial for the fandom. I disagree. You know what is beneficial for the fandom? Discussion. I love fandom meta, I love discussion, I love seeing different points of view. When I see a post that makes me really think about a certain character, a certain thing, that makes me change my opinion on it, I love it so much. I love understanding what other people see in the characters I don’t personally like, even if I can’t always agree with them. I’m always open to the criticism of a ship or a character or a plot point, but not the way the antis do it – just claiming it’s problematic or abusive or whatever naughty word they come up with, and not actually giving any good reasoning behind their hate. Fandoms need meta, fandoms need character analysis, fandoms need substantiated criticism, fandoms need discussion. Fandoms don’t need people hating on each other just because they ship different pairings.

And yes, antis really like this big, awful words – abusive, incestuous, pedophilic, add yours! – you can try any of them on a pairing you dislike, at least one will fit for sure, because you don’t need any reasoning if your problematic word is loud and hateful enough. Besides, even if in the canon a pairing is not morally impeccable, this doesn’t mean you must condemn it and its shippers. AUs exist.

And yes, problematic… So many things are problematic now, so many characters. There’s a quest going on, a search for absolute, unattainable purity – your pairing is not allowed to be anything less than perfect, you favourite character is not allowed to make one single mistake – otherwise they turn problematic and the antis can attack them. But you know who else is problematic? Me, right here. In fact, unless you are out Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I bet you have made bad things in your life, too. That’s problematic. So is life. Yet there are antis who are so ready to condemn people for shipping something they hate, that they are ready to basically hunt these people down, even when they post a whole different kind of content, just to tell everyone that this content comes from a ‘morally impure blog’. It makes me feel so sad, especially when it happens to artists, you know, like when someone creates art for a pairing and then people try to discredit their other works by saying ‘the person who did this is a BADTHING shipper’. Because we don’t need any talent or creativity in the fandom unless it’s only for the Officially Approved Unproblematic Content.

Tumblr can say it likes ‘grey morality’, but it doesn’t. What the majority of people tumblr does is seeing things in a very black-and-white fashion. If a character is good, you must love them. If a character is bad, you must condemn them and hate them. Tumblr tries to turn art, which is a) subjective and b) fictional, into something highly objective while pretending like it matters more than real people do. But no, there is no absolutely, objectively right or wrong opinion in the fandom, and your pairing doesn’t NEED to be morally superior to all the other pairings to make it a good pairing. You just need to enjoy it, that’s what makes a good pairing. There is no need to tear down every opinion, every point of view that doesn’t match your own. This is not a contest, nor a battle.

The deal is, you don’t need to have reasons behind liking or disliking something. Also sometimes you just don’t like a character that’s popular in the fandom and it’s okay! You don’t really need to have a list of reasons why you ‘hate’ them! I happen not to like some extremely popular characters in some fandoms. They are good characters, they have some amazing moments, but I just don’t care about them. It’s okay! It happens! Sometimes you just don’t like characters or ships just because you don’t like them. No other reason is needed. You don’t have to try and find bad things about this characters and prove they are problematic, even though sometimes I want to do it, too.

Or sometimes you do have reasons for hating a character, and it’s okay, too, as long as you don’t start hating on people who like this character. Because again, real people > fictional characters. Even if you don’t like something, you shouldn’t try to censor people into disliking it, too. Let everyone just enjoy the content they like.

It would be a lie to say I do not partially understand the reasons behind all these anti posts that are full of negativity and hatred. I have written some negative, unkind posts on the characters I don’t like, too, and I was so close to publishing them I only needed to click the “Post” button. I have hovered over people’s ask boxes, wanting to tell them their opinion on a certain ship or a character was stupid. If I didn’t do these things, it’s not because I’m better than the antis, but because I’m too tired to participate in a fandom war that doesn’t even matter in the end. That’s one of the reasons why I don’t think I have any moral right to condemn the antis, the other being the fact that some of them are Literally Children. When I go to a blog, and its description says that the blog’s owner is a) an anti and b) 14 y/o, what right do I, a 25 y/o adult, to judge this child? Thank god, I didn’t have tumblr when I was 14, but I won’t say I wasn’t a judgmental bitch back then, who saw then world in a very black-and-white way. Maybe 14 y/o me would’ve been an anti. That’s very possible.

Now, however, I don’t have the kind of energy or time that I can waste hating on people for liking or disliking a certain fictional thing. The ship wars can go on, and sometimes they even become bigger than the shows themselves (that’s very sad and I feel sorry for the creators of the thing), but ultimately, they don’t matter. None of these characters, none of these events, none of the actions and decisions the characters make are real, and thus, none of them actually matter. They can mean a lot to us personally, but we mustn’t allow these things to become more important to us than real people. Because okay, you are an anti. What’s your mission when you attack something or someone? Why is there is no other way than everyone in the fandom having the same negative opinion on a certain thing? What do you achieve by spreading this negativity? Does it really make the world better? Because the anti culture is not educational, it isn’t built on a dialogues, and that’s what I don’t like. It doesn’t really have a point, a goal behind it, it seems like the people participating in the fandom wars just like to spread negativity and drama. Which does make scrolling through tumblr way less enjoyable for me.

I firmly believe that you shouldn’t hate a person over what kind of fictional content they prefer. You shouldn’t judge a person depending on what characters they like. Sometimes we find certain qualities in the characters that speak to us, that touch our very souls, and then we are ready to ignore all the bad qualities these characters have – because these bad qualities are not real and, thus, can be ignored or forgiven. You shouldn’t judge a person based on what pairings they ship, even if you find these pairings problematic. Because liking something in fiction is not the same as liking it in real life. Even shipping something that is not healthy doesn’t mean you as a person are abusive or anything. God knows, all these years of shipping straight pairings didn’t make me straight! Anyway, the point is, the majority of people can see the line between reality and fiction, and besides, though the canon exists, the qualities and the stories, even the ages of the characters are not set in stone.

Because I think that one of the main qualities of any fandom is that it’s transformative. You take a character, a ship, and make it YOURS. You can ignore some if its qualities or add some new ones. You can change the age of the characters, the relationships between them. You can straight up ignore some canon facts. Because that’s what all of us do, anyway, in one way or another (see: headcanons; see: AU). No two people will ever see a character ABSOLUTELY the same way, because it depends on who we are, on our personal experience, on our personal values, on so many things. Something you find inexcusable may be okay for another person. Or they can just ignore it. You can do it, because it’s fiction! Fandom is here for fun, for escaping real-life problems, for relaxing, for making friends, for expressing yourself – not for spreading hatred and intolerance.

There are some things in my fandoms I dislike. Things I can’t stand. Things I hate, even. You know what really makes me feel better about them? Ignoring them. It’s very simple, actually. 

The anti culture is very exhausting. Seeing this constant negativity makes me so tired. I know I can’t stop the antis or even influence them, really, but I don’t want the teenagers on tumblr to grow accustomed of hating people over their stance in the fandom. The real world is a bitch, and there are so many bad things out there, and maybe if we could put the energy that goes into ship wars into resolving some real problems, we would’ve been happier. I know it would’ve been happier if my fandoms were more accepting to different opinions and less focused on deeming things problematic. I know I love seeing positivity and informed discussion on my dash, even though I do enjoy an occasional salty post on something I feel equally salty about. Because I’m not saying you’re not allowed to have negative opinion on things, or that you’re not allowed to express it – that’s your blog, after all. But I don’t think you need to preach these opinions, trying to make everyone feel the same resentment that you feel. Fandom is more fun when people are chill, but I can’t even be always chill myself, so I’m just gonna find the block button and ignore the antis. This much I can do.