#the green checks are just the ones i like most out of the new fonts i installed

[idontcaboose]

Haunted car Au part 14

So, it has been a week, and it feels like when you wake up from an unplanned 30 minute nap and have to ask 'What year is it?' While feeling like you have been run over by a whole procession of clowns, clown cars, and maybe a camel for good measure. Granted, that may be from the ragweed that is pollinating like crazy, but oh well... new part!

THIS IS YOUR WARNING! SWEAR WORDS! Plenty of cursing ahead! You have been warned!

Previous. Masterpost

It had been over 24 hours since Jason saw Danny. The most troubling thing was, there were no whispers of a trafficking group in that area. He couldn't fathom what had happened to the kid. Barbara couldn't find the kid on her cameras either, so he might need to go to the cave and look at the Batmobile himself. The footage Babs pulled were just as corrupted as the ally cameras were. Maybe the kid built himself a little jamming device, wouldn't be his first strangely useful creation. Whether or not he had a jamming device, he was still missing and none of the other street kids had seen him. He knew they were probably not harboring him with the bounty for finding Danny being as lucrative as it was. Jason knew offering to cook 3 meals a day for a week would get all of his street kids looking, some adults too.

Jason was a little surprised to see Duke looking at the Batmobile's underside when he drove in. Normally only Bruce and Jason worked on the cars since they had the most hands-on experience with them. Case in point, Duke had the car up on the lift with the front doors open. Did he have to sit Duke down and go through safety in maintenance 101? Maybe he could borrow little Timmy's version “The importance of Maintenance Safety: Or why you don't let Megan write safety plans.” It would hit all the important bits and sear the information in with neon yellow and blue comic sans font.

“So, Glowstick, mind telling me why the fuck you are trying to get yourself crushed?” Jason growled at the kid, the helmet making it even more menacing.

Duke gave Jason an unimpressed look. “B got a stick up his ass and thinks I somehow was involved with the Batmobile running weirdly." Duke sneered as he continued. "Last night when Red Robin activated his emergency beacon, the lead goon got in it and ran over some of his goons. The fail safes for theft didn't activate. Somehow, it was my fault. Perks to being the closest non-injured, I guess.”

Jason was surprised at the bitterness the usually sunshine-y kid had.

“Well, good news, we can swap for a bit, and I can teach you properly how to maintain this beast.” Jason offered.

“Why are you so interested?”

“I can't be nice?”

“You are here willingly, and no, you usually are not ‘nice’. So what is it?”

Jason was not expecting such hostility from Duke, but if Bruce had his panties in a twist and took it out on Duke, he could forgive some of the bite. Couldn't hurt to get Duke in on his hunt for Danny anyway.

“I… need help. One of my guys mentioned they bet a kid, named Danny, some money to put a sticker on the Batmobile. No one has seen the kid after entering the alley where the car was parked. Oracle said the cameras were corrupted at the time the kid was there with it. Figured I would check the car for clues.”

“Oh…. Sure.”

They both looked at the undercarriage of the car in silence before Jason gave a snort.

“The kid really did put a sticker on the oil pan. That is hilarious.”

Sure enough there was a Green Arrow sticker, one where he had his arms crossed and looking smug as all hell, positioned in such a way that eluded that when the oil was drained it would look like Green Arrow was pissing.

“That is amazing, if you find the kid let me give them a high-five for that. What does he look like anyway?”

“Adoption bait, pretty much a mini me with a more ‘polite’ mouth.” Jason was sure Duke could hear his smile when talking about the kid.

“No shit? You with manners? I don't think I can imagine that from a Alley Rat.” Duke teased.

“Watch it Narrows, us Alley Rats are all a little rabid.” Jason found himself teasing back before sniffing. “Besides, Alfie would have my head if I didn't have some manners.”

They went back into a more comfortable silence while working, Jason took to looking through the center, hoping to find some sort of clue of a struggle if Danny got nabbed. Duke was focusing on the engine compartment and any wirings that he could follow. It was rather relaxing until Duke went to move some rubber piping to get a closer look at a relay.

Neither person expected the car to shudder and produce a kind of creepy giggle. Duke froze and Jason reacted by tackling him away from the car and pulling one of his guns at the Batmobile.

“What in the ever loving fuck?” Jason screamed, the Batmobile responded with its own car alarm going off.

“Don't shoot! I'm sorry, I didn't expect that to happen, we are still trying to figure things out!” Duke had jumped back up and put himself in front of Jason, waving his hands and trying to keep attention on him.

“We? What the fuck Narrows?!”

“Just, both of you, stop! Hood, gun down, Car dude, stop the alarm. Please.” Duke all but whined the last word in desperation.

Jason took a Very deep breath, and growled out in the now silent cave.

“Car. Dude?”

Next

@kizzer55555 @sebas-nights @candeartist422 @trappednyourheart @fandom-life-corrupted-me @tkiesai @2lbballpeenhammer @admiralwidow @rewrittenwrongs @whotfevenknowsanymore @symmetricalastigmatism @thespacedragons @atinygracie @okami-love @lesbian-spider-drone @1n0sss @forgetmenot-bluepurple

[astralynx]

I figured out how to rip DOTDD Models and now I'm teaching you! (plus uploading mine)

^ download these things onto your computer devices anytime!

Last summer I spiraled into insanity trying to figure out and eventually gave up so now that I know I'm saving you the trouble! I've also put all of my rips into a drive folder here that contains most of the notable npcs + playable characters but I'm planning on submitting them to modeler's resource when I have the time.

Final disclaimer: i also don't know much about ripping / romhacking / blender / computers in general but I thought it would be nice to put up what I've figured out anyway. I've also never actually written a guide to anything before so uh. i hope this is clear enough. Now finally onto the tutorial itself!

You'll need: tinke / apicula / a dotdd rom (not important if its in english or not but if you want like some of the translated ui elements / fonts you might wanna use a ver w the fantranslation patch) / and (optionally) blender or whatever other 3d modeling software that can read .dae files so you can actually do stuff with these.

First is to launch Tinke and load in your dotdd rom, you'll then be met with this menu. the models are contained under the "mdl" tab

each of these have different things but you'll probably care about mb (major npcs) and pc (player characters) and also mn (familiars). also using this to say that tinke is a. very finnicky program so sometimes stuff will just Not Work. sorry about that. anyway.

Once you're in you can start looking for whatever model (.n3d file) you want, unfortunately the models aren't named clearly so you'll have to open them to see what they are. You can do this by selecting the .n3d file and clicking "unpack" which will open a .bmd0 file with a yellow box icon, you'll need to unpack that file one more time to actually be able to open the file it gives you after that in the viewer / export it

When you get the second unpacking (which should be a .bmd0 file with a mostly green drawing for the icon), you can open it in the viewer and it'll look like this!

sorry any file you open that has a skeleton will look like that. I have been informed that sometimes ds games just store their models like this and it has no affect on the model when its exported so. lets just move on. Also sometimes tinke will give you an error that will stop you from opening the viewer properly but it will (most of the time) let you see the textures fine so you can double check (and even if it doesn't we have a workaround coming up soon)

Next big step is to set up apicula! When you download it, the program can't run by itself. You will need to create two text files, one named "apicula view nsbxx_files" and "apicula convert nsbxx_files -o dae_files" (no quotation marks) to put in the same folder as the apicula exe. You will then rename these .txt files into .bat files and you'll use these to actually "run" the program. You'll also make a folder alongisde those called nsbxx_files. It should look like this at the end

Back to tinke, you'll take the viewable .bmd0 model you want to export and click "extract" and I usually put mine directly into the nsbxx folder in my apicula folder for convenience sake. double clicking the "view" .bat will put the models into a viewer that I like to use as a final double check (and also what you can use if tinke's preview is giving you trouble). Its WASD to move and Q and E to lower / raise the camera

to actually convert the file, double click the "convert" .bat file and it will create a new folder named "dae_files" and inside will be your model and its textures in a .dae folder that you can read in blender and contains its skeleton!

PLEASE NOTE!!!! that apicula can only read / convert one file at a time! this means that it will just use the topmost file in the nsbxx folder and if you'll have to delete the dae folder every time once your done with it so it can run properly again. so just make sure you move your converted files somewhere else before you do. but now you'll have a model to put into blender!

the tutorial is technically "done" now but I'm gonna share how to set up these models in blender (which for the sake of explaining i'm gonna assume you don't know much about). When you first load in the models you'll have to "turn on" their textures using the drop down arrow in the menu on the top right corner of the 3d viewport and turn on these settings (while still selecting the solid circle tab)

Secondly, Many of them use transparent elements in their textures that blender doesn't like to load without some help

you can fix this by expanding the menu on the bottom of the screen and clicking the clock icon to turn it into the "shader editor" tab

Then, you'll select your model and go to the "base color" node in the shader editor, go down to the "alpha" tab and set it to "pre-mutliply" and it should remove the white lines around the transparent elements!

That's all from me! if you have any questions you can reply to this post / send me an ask or dm or whatever and I'll try my best to help! happy ripping!

[nonbinaryeye]

Regrets we make along the way

Written for @lonelyeyesweek

Day 4 - Regrets

Elias always brings one too many philosophical questions into their conversation. Peter to his own surprise sometimes does not completely hate talking to his fiancé. They also both have a cup of coffee.

Read on AO3

...

It is a lovely autumn afternoon in London. Sun is shining through colourful leaves that are slowly exchanging fresh summer green into warmer coulours. It is not fully cold yet and the nice weather is tempting people into leaving their jackets at home. Chilly breeze that appears out of nowhere from time to time makes those who give into temptation regret it.

There are two men sitting on a bench in Hyde Park. One is a bit taller with an untidy beard while the other looks like a model from some magazine cover. Maybe they might look a bit like an unlikely pair but one thing is certain. They are in love, there is no doubt about it. They stare into each dreamily, the smaller one says something to which the taller one laughs at and then he caresses the face of his lover before he pulls him into a slow and romantic kiss. What a lovely picture their young love paints, some people walking by them might think.

There is also an older man sitting alone just two benches away from them with a frown on his face. He has an awkward presence about himself and is dressed in a much warmer coat than the pleasant autumn weather would require. As if he were dressed to battle a cold morning at sea and not a sunny London afternoon. He has been staring at their vague direction for a while. Somehow, they did not notice his focused stare. Even people walking by him seem to pass him without notice, quickly making their way around without giving him a second look. Most of the people at least…

“Feeling all Lonely, admiring young love and dedicated partnership or looking for a new victim?” Elias Bouchard, a well dressed gentleman with a never fully genuine smile on his face sits on the bench next to the frowning man, Peter Lukas, and also looks at the young couple nearby. He seems to be in quite a cheerful mood which means his comapny will be quite insufferable. Not that Elias could ever have a mood that Peter would not describe as insufferable.

“You are late,” Peter says to his partner instead of a greeting. He has not checked the time but he knows that Elias must be late because he arrived as always – with half an hour delay. Unfortunately, his husband seemed to be prepared for it. No, not husband, fiancé. Probably. It is hard to keep track. But Peter is quite certain he has been talking a lot about their next wedding yesterday. Not even in any vague terms, he spent a lot of time comparing fonts to put on the invitations and colours of ribbons to tie wedding bouquets with.

“Stop staring, Peter, or they will think you are homophobic.”

“They cannot see me,” Peter shrugs. What a weird weather phenomena that on such a sunny day there appears to be a spot of fog in the middle of Hyde Park.

“I could have either been on time or I could bring you coffee,” Elias hands Peter his vanilla frappuccino with extra syrup and Peter hates how well his partner knows his order. “I planned to arrive on time. I usually do, as you of course cannot fully know and appreciate, as you apparently still haven’t fully grasped the concept of time or being on time. Anyway the waiting line there was awful. People and their complicated orders… Well, it could have been worse though, the line was even longer when I was leaving.” Elias takes a sip of coffee from his large cup filled to a brim with espresso shots. Peter wonders if he only pretends lack of awareness of being the culprit of holding the line or if he genuinely does not consider his order a bit unconventional. Of course Peter cannot be bothered to actually ask.

“Hmh…” he turns his sight towards his cup knowing very well that his husband-to-be does not really need him for a conversation.

 “They are not actually as happy as they seem. Quite the opposite.” Peter raises his head confused. It takes him a few seconds to realise Elias’ ever wandering mind and gaze that never stops watching has turnt back again to the couple from before.

“It would please me not to know anything about them the most.” Peter might have better chances at persuading the water to stop being wet than at persuading his partner to stop Knowing and sharing said knowledge when he puts his mind to it.

“You see the handsome one cuddling so lovingly to his amore? He was fired yesterday. And he was always bad with money so he does not really have much in savings. He will need quite some financial help from his partner. He is still trying to muster up courage to tell him that… I wonder what his lover’s answer will be. You see he’s been cheating on his boyfriend for a while and the guilt is eating him up. He wanted to stop the affair but his side piece started to threaten to expose the truth to everyone if he stopped seeing them. So, really they could not be further for an idyllic couple in love. Maybe you would even lift some ease from their shoulders if you made one of them disappear,” Elias smiles with satisfaction one tends to have after a filling meal and lifts the coffee to his lips again.

Peter sighs. All interest he had in strangers in love is lost now. There is no satisfaction now feeding them to the Forsaken when he knows so much about them. Tearing his eyes away he aims all his focus on his drink sweet enough to pierce the numbness of Lonely wrapped about his tastebuds as much as around every other aspect of him. Little indulgence.

They sit next to each other in silence for a while. Their meeting really has no deeper point. A date his partner demanded before Peter leaves. He cannot even recall if Elias won some bet or if Peter decided to agree to this just because. It does not really matter now anyway. Just finish the coffee and leave, that is his plan. When Peter dares to look into the direction of his companion he notices his eyes are closed. Something must have caught his attention, something far away to watch. Peter is blessed with a few minutes of peace where he could almost ignore his presence if it was not for the warmth of another person's body so close to him, he could almost call this moment pleasant.

“What do you regret the most in life?” Elias asks him out of the blue. Unprompted. It could not surprise Peter any less. He likes to get philosophical sometimes and he never bothers to explain where his new chain of thoughts came from. Which is good. Peter would hate to know.

“That I met you.”

Elias laughs. “You know, I think I might actually trust you.” Of course, that he would. Elias does not care whether Peter loves him or hates him. He just wants Peter to feel strongly about him. It is a satisfaction Peter hates giving him. And the worst thing is that even though Peter answered the first thing that came to his mind in hopes of annoying Elias, it might really rather be an honest answer.

What could be worse for a servant of the Lonely than to create a connection, no matter how fickle and shallow it is. That is why he hates reflecting on his life. He hates learning things about himself almost as much as he hates getting known. He furrows his brows and takes a rather large sip of his drink. Syrup and ice and whipped cream all slide to his throat without being tasted properly.

“I suppose there is no point waiting for you to ask ‘and what is your greatest regret?’, is there?” He does not need to look at Elias to know he looks smug right now. He loves annoying him.

“My second biggest regret is that this conversation seems to be continuing.”

“What do you think that I will claim to regret the most?” Despite all his flaws, Peter cannot help himself but finds the way Elias is able to completely and utterly ignore him quite lovely. He does not really need him to participate in the conversation. No one was able to do it like him… Peter is just a prob to him. He is allowed to say his lines but if he stayed silent nothing would change. Elias can converse all the same  with him as with that silly skull of his. (And claim it is a better conversational partner.)

“I do my best not to know anything about you. How should I know?”

“You are no fun. Just take a guess.”

“If you are feeling romantic, you might say ‘marrying me’.” Peter decides to indulge him. This conversation might be over quicker that way.

“Depends which marriage you mean,” smirk appears on his face. Peter is joking of course. He very well knows Elias enjoys their little game of domesticity and connection. Peter suppose there is some charm to it as well. Because it is all so empty and fake.

“So… how long do you plan to torture me…?”

“You cannot even be bothered to guess twice?” he sighs dramatically and Peter braces himself for his next physical monologue, because of course he will force him to listen to his self-reflection and he will also add some story from his past and… “Well, what can be done. I think I feel generous today and therefore I will not answer.”

That sounds uncharacteristically polite. He raises his eyebrows. “Oh and here I was afraid you will claim you do not regret anything. Or that you have too many regrets and you will start listing them alphabetically to me…”

A sleek well manicured fingers gently grab his beard and force him to turn toward his partner. He is watching him curiously. Old but still so very bright grey eyes somehow not fully fitting his face meeting his. It has been a while since Peter looked at him, actually fully looked at him. He does not like the stare, even though he can feel Elias is holding back the full power of his gaze. The gentle fog hanging around starts getting thicker.

“Do not tempt me, Peter, I could.” Elias gently brushes his facial hair and slides his palm on his cheek, caressing it in a similar gesture like the one performed by the lovers they were observing before. His palm is awfully warm.

“Go ahead then.” Peter covers Elias’ hand with his.

“Do you wish to know me, my love?” Elias leans closer and gone is the sunny afternoon, gone is the park. His look is intense and they are fully surrounded by fog. There is tension between them. And Peter hates being so close to someone, to be having conversations such as this, to have someone looking at him at all, let alone so intensely. And yet… Yet it is an indulgence same as the sugary drink. He feels something and he is not sure what but it is an intense feeling nonetheless. He knows it will be his death one day. This man, his greatest mistake he can never learn from.

“Unfortunately, I do know way too many things about you.” Peter pushes his hand away. Elias takes the clue and leans back. Remembers to blink. “And one of them is that you would never reveal such a weakness to me. Whatever answer you would give me, it would be a lie.” Elias chuckles and finally turns his gaze away. The layer of whiteness starts to disperse.

“Unless I would tell you the truth assuming you will consider it a lie…”

“No. I am not letting you drag me into any more of your word plays or imaginary scenarios.” Peter finishes his drink, chews the ice at the bottom of his cup. He indulged him enough. This date needs to continue no longer. He gets up and Elias follows.

“I am shocked. From time to time you can be surprisingly interesting conversation partner Peter.” Elias finishes his drink as well. Then he turns his cheek to him. It takes a few moments before Peter remembers the script and gives him a quick kiss. Their date is done and surprisingly with no victims except for a few bits of his sanity. He grins.

“Ah well… I am always happy to hear you say that you don’t know me that well after all.” 

[melodyschaos]

😍😍😍

I read the last polyweb, I want to order more of this scrubdilishys meal (specifically the reader talking about trauma like it's normal) of course, only if you want to and have time THANK YOU!!

TW: Trauma Discussions (Light to Medium), Some Angst, Gore Mention, Mention of Parental Abuse, Death Mention A/N: I am so glad you guys love the Sapphire Polyweb! I hope this becomes like The Thing for my blog I would love that- anyways we're trying color fonts now I'm feelin' creative

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Another day, another sleepover in Y/N's house. Things had gone better than expected, Huntsman hadn't even bitten Syntax, even when he got hit with three red shells in a row during Mario Kart! Everyone had changed into their sleep-wear (which was very weird to see the Mayor in, though he only wore a very basic set of dark blue flannel pajamas. They were all stuck in that space where they ought to be sleeping but were talking instead. Syntax had lifted his phone to check something but let out a disgruntled huff before shoving it back in his pant pocket. Y/N rolled over from their spot on the floor of their massive pillow fort and asked what's wrong.

"Father's Day approaches and annoying e-mails are barraging me about buying a set of tools. If I had a father I am certain he would not care for a tool belt."

Y/N rolled on their stomach and propped themselves up on an elbow. "What do you mean? Don't...you don't know your dad?"

In the darkness Syntax sighed. "Let me put it in simple terms: as far as anyone in the world is concerned, I am an orphan, for I have no worthy father."

He felt Y/N's hand slip into his own. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it's a thing of the past. I prefer to try and forget, but...it's rather difficult during the holidays."

They sat there holding hands before Y/N spoke again to the oddly quiet others, "Hey...come to think of it, Hunter, Goliath, Queenie, do you guys have moms or dads?"

The Spider Queen answered first after a sizeable silence. "Let's just say a Queen has no need for parents. I had sisters, though. Seven. But...let's just say they went the way of the birds."

"What?? I never heard about this, Queenie, why didn't you tell me?" Y/N was sitting up now and had turned on the lamp that had been placed in the floor of the fort.

The Spider Queen looked oddly grim-faced. Her silky black hair was down, and she wore a rather fancy black nightrobe over a long nightgown. "I don't like talkin' about it."

"Wait-" Now Goliath was sitting up (though he was hunched a bit so as not to disrupt the blanket roof of the fort. "My Queen, if you have sisters, why aren't they here?"

Huntsman was up now too, though he used a fist to hit the side of Goliath's arm. It obviously didn't hurt him but the intent was still there. "She just said she doesn't like talking about it, pea brain."

Ignoring the bickering, Y/N released Syntax's hand and scooted over to the Queen. "You can tell me, Queenie, if you want to."

The Spider Queen looked even more uncomfortable as she glanced at her three spider underlings. Owing to her pride, she never liked feeling vulnerable normally...but she exhaled through her nose. "Just this once. When I was a spiderling I was the youngest of my sisters. Born the last. I wanted to go out there, to make somethin' of myself instead of sittin' around trappin' random passerby. So one day when I was sixteen I packed up a few things and set out to get real-world experience. A few years passed, and I was gainin' myself some new infernal powers. I'd even begun to further transform." She gestured to her purple skin and green eyes. The Queen looked distressed as if she didn't want to continue...

But in an surprising move, Huntsman went to sit next to her and took one of her hands. He wasn't looking at her as if wanting to let her have the privacy of tears threatening to spill over her lime eyes. The gentle move from her most rambunctious subject seemed to help as the Queen continued, "I...I came home to find them all...pulverized. I- I couldn't tell which was which-" Here she stopped, covering her face with her free hand, allowing a few sobs to escape.

Syntax had fully sat up now. He and Goliath looked at each other, at a loss until Y/N moved to hug their Queen, placing their arms around her shoulders. Slowly, Goliath moved behind the Queen to gently hug her as well. Syntax made his way over to her unoccupied side. Emotions were never his strong suit, much less comforting someone with such a heavy subject. After hesitating, he put his hand on the Queen's shoulder.

After a few minutes she took a deep breath and lifted her head, clearing away the tears. She reached out her arms to hug both Syntax and Huntsman to her sides and rested her head back on Goliath's massive chest as a pillow. They sat there, comforting one another in an odd way.

They all jumped a mile when the Mayor suddenly lifted the blanket that hung over the fort's entrance. No one had heard him arrive, but this time his ever-present smile seemed more...sympathetic, somehow. He crawled in and set down a box of soft brownies. "I did not want to interrupt, but something told me we could use these."

With nerves calmed, the group eventually dug in. It occurred to Y/N to ask Goliath and Huntsman about their fathers, but Huntsman only shrugged and said, "Technically Syntax is our father. He used the Queen's venom and artificial masculine DNA to basically speed-grow us. Kinda like plants."

Goliath, who had five brownies in one large hand, huffed. "He won't let me call him dad, though."

Syntax scowled at him. "That is because I am not your father, if I were I would have had to use my own DNA. Since I did not I prefer to think of myself as your manufacturer or engineer."

Huntsman let out a cough that sounded suspiciously like "Doofus"

Anticipating the question, the Mayor spoke to Y/N as they turned their head to him. "A decent enough man as fathers go, and my mother as well. We were never too close, but we were happy. Now then..." He stood and began gathering the garbage to throw out. "As it is well past 3 AM I suggest we all head to sleep."

When he returned, the light was out and everyone was curled up together this time with the Spider Queen in the center, as if she were the center of their spider web of cuddles. There was an odd feeling as they all dozed off...a renewed closeness born from revealing (even if only by mention) secret pains of the heart and being met with comfort and companionship.

[jsabspinkhorsepro123]

The Angel Of Death ("Thrasher" 's Story)

AN- Please know that this, though being a backstory, will be a bit of a spoiler for both the original Long Live Nock, and especially for the eventual new version. As Thrasher is a major character in both, and this will make a lot of this boy’s story parts less surprising. Also, reading the warnings will give spoilers as well (but trust me when I say, you WILL likely want to read them as this story gets very very dark) so please be aware of that.

Also, I had a lot of technical issues on this, including not being able to upload the font I made for this to Tumblr so instead just taking pics, a video in this for some reason I could not crop correctly-

I refuse to work on this anymore so it is what it is lol.

Other than Copper, this is my most anticipated backstory. He has undergone a hell of a lot of character development since his first introduction, so much that honestly he is pretty much not even the same character.

Be aware, I consider his backstory the darkest out of everyone’s, so this is not for the faint of heart. 

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A shape shouted in an olden language, that was long supposed to be forgotten to all but the ancient sage’s.

10 Pure’s in white robes stood around a table, the sound of screaming clear as they chanted. For hours they had been doing this, as a lady huffed and pushed.

As the cry of a baby filled their ears, their chanting stopped as they rejoiced, the green hair and skin like emeralds to them. The father stepped up, grinning as he held onto his wife’s hand. Small black dove wings were curled around the baby as they spread a vial of blood upon his head.

“Welcome to the world… our little angel of death.”

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   The young kid looked around his small room, sighing weakly. His name, Razor, son to the most loyal followers of the cult leader ; to [ , Cruci and Laplace.

 He had been training constantly for years for… what he didn’t know. His parents just wouldn’t tell him. He hadn’t been able to go to school, wasn’t allowed to see other shapes not in the cult, and was constantly being forced to his limits. When he peeked over the fence and saw the kids playing and laughing, he couldn’t help but feel envious.

He didn’t understand why he was so different…

At 7 years old he was brought to meet the leader of the cult… Lady Marlene.

She looked at him with a look he couldn’t decipher, being just a bit younger than his parents. The look, he didn’t like, he didn’t know why- “Ah, my loyal followers, how goes the training?” “Wonderful my queen, we thought it was finally time for Razor to meet you.”

The lady’s eyes traveled across him, making the young one shiver uncomfortably. “Perfect. I would like time to check on his training, his holiness, and deliver his first… rune.”

They both bowed to say of course, lightly pushing Razor forward. He didn’t understand what that all meant, and he was terrified to find out. Why, he didn’t know. He slowly took her hand, though not wanting to, her leading him into what seemed like a bedroom fit for royalty.

“You should feel honored my dear, not everybody gets the chance to be this close to me.” “… U-Um… o-ok?” He didn’t know what to say, but with her expression very lightly 'souring he was sure he didn’t say it right. “You don’t understand what your future entails do you? You stupid kid~”

Her grip tightened right before Razor attempted to step back, him whimpering lightly. “I-I’m sorry- please let g-” He let out a cry as her hand collided with his face, the grip keeping him from falling. “YOU are destined to be my King, that means you have to get used to me.” The words made him fearful. King? She also sounded, angry, and there was a tone he didn’t understand nor like.

“Now, we have a major thing to do.” She walked into the closet, grabbing a strange box. When she opened it, his heart started beating quickly, seeing multiple strange metal symbols. “I think your old enough to be known as mine~”

He didn’t know how long he was in that room, screaming as the metal sizzled around his skin, in pain, crying and horrified as she did things he didn’t understand.

When he woke up again, his left leg felt like it had been through a house fire. He cried, trying to call out for his parents.

…. No one answered. He was left alone, with a new fate written out for his eyes to see.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Less than 3 years later, on his birthday he slowly opened his eyes, hearing the pitter patter of footsteps coming up the stairs. Today would be the day, he was supposed to find a hero’s tattoo somewhere. He couldn’t help but be excited, which hero would he be? Water, Earth, Nature, Sky? He heard his door open, him quickly sitting up in bed.

“My dear, are you ready to see your fate?” Razor nodded, heading to the mirror.

 None on his face or neck, so he lifted up his shirt. Nothing, next he checked his legs.

… There was nothing. No tattoo… His parents didn’t take it well. They lost it, blaming him, saying he must’ve done something wrong. He cried out begs and sorries as he was beat into a bloody mess. When they finally left to tell the cult the news, his room was ruined, his body bloody , and his spirit broke.

He did something wrong… Like always. It always seemed to be his fault. He wished he knew what to do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Breaking news.

The 1st known hero, Copper and his family has gone missing, along with his boyfriend Aero. If you have any information, please contact General Loga.

The headline of the newspaper was super surprising for Razor, especially since he hadn’t seen his parents in a couple of days. He tried again looking around for the two, shooting up hearing the door open. He walked over, his face paling seeing them covered in blood. “Razor. Grab a backpack and fill it with the essentials, now.”

Their tone scared him, but he did what he was told. He overheard them talking, making it clear to him they were the reason the Earth hero had gone missing. They had tried to kill him the usual way heroes were killed, ridding of all their reasons of living, and their hope.

… But he was still alive. Something was different. His heart beat quickened at the thought, but he had no time to think as they forced him out the door. They walked through the streets, his jacket keeping him hidden from the world. He cried as they suddenly threw him into an alley, his head smashing into the ground.

“Now, your real training begins.” Was what he heard as he slowly tried to get back up. When he looked up… they were both gone.

“…Mom…? Dad?” No answer made his heart pound, as he again called out for them, close to crying. He had never been outside on his own, or anywhere other than his backyard, training grounds and the cult place. It smelled horrible, was filled with creepy sounds, and felt cold-

With no one answering, he curled into the corner, sniffling his hands wrapped around himself.

Real training.. he was scared to find out what that meant.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Razor had been walking throughout the forest for days, feeling more and more hungry and thirsty. A cigarette in hand to keep him calm, he smoked anxiously wondering what he was supposed to do. He had no idea why he was out here… but he sure knew he was getting weaker and weaker. His legs were feeling like they were made of lead,

Unsurprisingly, it wasn’t long before he collapsed, his vision weak. Before he passed out, he looked up, noticing someone staring down at him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Razor sure wasn’t expecting to wake up warm and comfortable, but it was a nice feeling. He slowly opened his eyes, growing confused. He was in a bed in a house he didn’t know… And he could smell food near him.

The house though, smelled strange. And was rather od and beat up.

“Hey kid, glad to see your awake.” He quickly looked over, seeing the older shape that he passed out to. He lightly backed up, before being calmed down by them. “It’s ok, not gonna hurt ya. My name’s Deviance… I’m sure your hungry.” He slowly ate, feeling himself relax, it being strangely really good.

“Where… am I?” “Let’s, call it an abandoned house for now-

… I was called to find you by your parents… You don’t deserve to have to go through this kid.”

Razor didn’t know what to say to that, tensing as the other wrapped their arms around him. It didn’t take long after he realized it was just a hug to bury into it, trying to register all that had happened.

After a few days of getting his strength back, he was shown around his, apparently new home. It seemed to be, well simply a crack house- But… despite that title strangely, the shapes inside seemed nice. They all said hi, them playing around while they worked… it was better than anywhere he had been.

Now he had his own bedroom again… but he was still sure it didn’t mean any big difference between what was waiting for him when the cult wanted him. He wasn’t ready for more pain and training… but he didn’t have much of a choice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Come him being 15, his body was almost fully covered in runes, he had became the leader of the crack house now that Deviance was old and “retired”. Well, kind of, the other still ran everything mainly-

Razor now though, had found about the horrors and wonders of addition, becoming an alcoholic, drug addict, and nicotine addict. He loved being able to feel numb, though he did things he never remembered or wanted to do while the poison rushed through his veins. Seeing Copper though, that was the biggest shock of the past year. Him, Klay and Swarm had been the ones to see him, apparently they beat him silly after he knocked one of his teeth out. Luckily their healer, Shaku was easily able to fix it, still hurt though-

He found himself walking through the forest late at night, per usual, smoking his 5th cigarette today. He was interrupted by his train of thought though… by a soft meow.

He looked around in shock, a cat? Even if it was a cat based shape, that sure as hell wasn’t common. He quickly began looking around, the meow sounded so young. The meowing luckily was easily able to find… and it lead him to the smallest and most beautiful white kitten.

“Heya sweetheart…” The pained meow hurt his heart, slowly leaning down as they limped over. Seemed to be a girl, no collar, so most likely no owner… He carefully picked them up, beginning to walk home. Once they were healed, he softly cleaned them, their purrs making him feel so happy. “I’m going to need to give you a name sweetheart…” They meowed happily curled up on his lap, him smiling as she purred.

“… I got it. Snowball?” “Meow!” He laughed as they nuzzled and licked his cheek, him petting her. “Snowball it is.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sound of chanting was clear as he covered his ears, shaking in pain and general exhaustion. He had finished his last rune… but that wasn’t why he was terrified. He knew what was happening outside of the cell he was in, the corruption. They were praying for the corrupteds to be dealt with. He was terrified of not knowing whether his family (Not the piece of shit mom and dad he had, he hadn’t seen them since they abandoned him) and little kitten were ok, not knowing what was happening outside the stone walls he was stuck in.

He heard footsteps approach him, each step making him terrified. He knew those footsteps. And he knew damn well what they brought with them.

“Ah my King~ Glad they have finally finished painting your body~” He tried desperately to back away, his heart beating quickly. Marlene’s hand grabbed his chin, fingernails digging into his skin as she ran her other hand across his cheek. He hated this.  He hated being so… helpless to her. So easily controlled…

As her hands travelled down, tears ran down his face, knowing there was nothing he could do to stop this.

He could feel his hope fading, it obvious to him that his fate would be everything he didn’t want for himself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next 8 years passed by in a blur, his addictions the only thing keeping him sane. He didn’t know what he did in those moments he didn’t remember, he didn’t know he was attacking Fresh, he hadn’t known he beat up Copper as a desperate trying to pass the blame he felt for himself. All he knew was the few moments he wasn’t drunk or on drugs, of misery and pain, exhaustion, and emptiness.

Now though… He was in front of a King. Nock, the king of corrupteds in the forest. His stare was deadly, his stance and energy filled with so much menace and hatred he felt it could rival the Corrupted Lords.

“HoW AbOUt WE hAVe A LiTTlE ChAT?~” ‘Does he think I’m dumb??’ He said, well what any smart shape would, no way while quickly walking away. But… they said something that immediately made him stop.

“i MaY HaVE a WAy TO hELp YOuR “PrOBlEM”.” He quickly looked over, the look on his face… He knew it was dumb.

But god was he desperate to change his fate. To have his own life. So, he slowly nodded, following the other. They sat down at a table, Nock offering a drink. He knew it probably was dumb to drink, but with his alcohol tolerance he doubted one drink of anything could get him drunk. So he acceoted.

… All it took was one sip.

And Nock had him wrapped around his finger, corrupting him to his will.

“aNGeL Of DEaTH, I HAvE ChANgED yOUr FAtE. NoW…

YoU WiLLbE KnOWn AS cRUsADeR.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AN- And it’s finished! This is the last backstory I had planned, next will be… the remake of Long Live Nock. I’m really glad to finally have been able to tell these stories, also there probably will be some extras for these two backstories posted later.

Hope you all enjoyed!

(Also I will be posting an extras post for the two stories-)

[xacheri]

About Me - Commit #2 - Goals and Education

This commit, I built the goals and education pages on the NameBoy. It was easier than the last commit because I spent most of last commit building the responsiveness and spent much of this one just taking advantage of it.

Mobile (Goals):

Mobile (Education):

Desktop (Goals):

Desktop (Education):

I love how it's coming together!

The HTML:

All I had to do here was add two new carousel items with some stylized text.

The goals screen has a centered heading with three separately identified (and styled) subheadings. We have our nav hints absolutely positioned on the corners.

The education screen is mostly the same thing. The heading is centered but non of the text is colored. There are 2 unordered lists, with list items that contain the "edItem" class. We have another navhint and a navhintReverse.

The CSS

On the goals screen, our h2 is pink, our h3 is 16px and underlined with a margin all around.

Learn is blue, Build is red, Play is orange.

On the education screen, I made the heading green and the h3 tags 16px in font-size. The edItems have a small margin to help space them.

I moved the #homeScreen > p statement to a general p {} statement. I also added navhintReverse to do nav hints on the left side of the screen.

Conclusion:

HTML/CSS is not very quick in making artistic webpages but it is pretty fast at styling plain-text like this. It was a breeze.

The makers of the languages had great ideas, and did a good job, but they never could have predicted that the web would evolve the way it did.

Check it out on github: https://github.com/Xacheri/aboutme

[cparti-mkiki]

❤️ ranking all autonomic flags of spain ❤️

my expert opinion on all of the flags of spain. sometimes i know what the symbols mean sometimes i don’t — do not expect an informed opinion is the general rule. i will not look a single thing up. anyway here we go

andalusia

starting off strong i have to admit that putting semi naked twink hercules with pet lions front and center on your flag is a power move and i am unfortunately a sucker for pillars of hercules symbolism. i think it’s as neat as nationalist imagery gets but you do get points off for mentioning spain in a positive light in the inscription. at least the first statement is andalusia first and the font is charmingly outdated (vintage 1930s) so it ALL gets a pass — also medium dark green is an interesting & original color for your flag, looks harmonious with the white and small amounts of yellow, good job andalusia. not a very original (at all) three horizontal line format but still 9/10

aragon

sigh. if only catalonia hadn’t nicked the flag that is rightfully yours.…. you are reduced to having to slap an ugly coat of arms on this fine heritage layout… 😢 is the bottom left quarter like, sardinia? if so it’s nice that they’re reminiscing about their old possessions. wish i knew what the other quarters are but it doesn’t change them being kinda ugly unfortunately. what’s up with the cross springing from the tree? anyway the first of the four crown of aragon flags gets only a 5/10 even though it pains my heart.

asturias

yeah this is sick unfortunately. 10/10.

balearic islands

our second crown of aragon flag is one that confuses me a lot. the white castle on a purple field has always been the traditional arms of… valencia. i get that we’re neighbors but why is it on the baleares flag now (as i said i am not looking this up). suspicious. highway robbery aside this flag kinda slaps (but i am so, so biased towards all of the four red stripes flags you won’t even believe it) and we always like to see rare purple in flags. 8/10

canary islands

white blue and yellow has to be one of the most visually pleasant, underutilized flag color combos ever and i applaud canarias for this utterly charming flag. it knows what’s important (OCEANO) and it also has- check this out- dogs rampant. is this a reference to can / perro => canarias? no fucking clue. anyway 9/10

cantabria

im gonna be honest i hadn't seen this flag in my life. there are two parts to this flag: the two stripes (1) and the coat of arms (2). (1) has to be the most boring layout for a flag ever (like seriously horizontal half white half red??? hi poland monaco indonesia whatever) and (2) is seriously one of the ugliest coats of arms ive ever seen. it kinda screams graphic design is my passion. i like the emphasis on being an important harbor (tower and the chain in the sea) and the uhh. circular rune thing but with them all being thrown together in an elementary school-looking drawing with floating heads and everything it’s just not very good. 2/10 only because there is worse in this country

castile - la mancha

on an intellectual level i know i should levy the same criticism against this flag as i did against cantabria on account of this also being a supremely unoriginal half red half white flag but on an emotional level. this looks cooler. it has an actual symmetric castle and the whole thing is minimalistic and powerful. go castile the new 8/10

castile and leon

this one is such a classic im so sorry, im so sorry im gonna be a basic bitch but i cant help it this is our stereotypical medieval flag for a reason. you can just visualize this thing on columbus’ standard as he plants it on hispaniola in a bad illustration from a francoist children’s book. castles and lions rampant in a simple symmetrical layout and you know what, yeah, peak flag. it is my impression that some leonese don’t appreciate being shoved into this castile thing with them having been their own kingdom for way longer but what do i know. anyway go castile the old 9/10

catalonia

why is this their flag again. why do they get the og crown of aragon flag without any add-ons. is it because they got to choose first?? the flag itself is a 10/10 but this gets 6/10 out of spite.

ceuta

it’s. it’s ugly. it attacks my senses and yet i respect them for going very hard while doing their own thing. interesting color scheme and layout. the stark black and white diagonals give me a bit of a headache if i look at this for too long but it’s true that you’ll never risk mixing up this flag with any other. also the portuguese coat of arms is a very nice touch as indeed this was a portuguese settlement that remained loyal to felipe iv after 1640. uwu. for being the most loyal, ceuta and its disconcerting flag get 6/10.

[angelfoodcake222]

The Lesser of Two Evils [pt. 2/?]

HERE IT IS! I hope you enjoy this & please reblog. Thank you!

[Above] Gif/Art by Clownillustrations

TW(Trigger Warning): female puppet reader, talk of murder, metamorphic aftermath & descriptions, scopophobia(-philia), fictophilia, paraphilia, & xanthophilia(-phobia).

A/N(Author's Note): This one's just a drabble & longer than the last one, but I hope you enjoy it. I focused a bit on Home's involvement in you're shaping... & I wanted to gush over 30s/70s fashion for at least a paragraph. Read on if you'd like.

Light stabbed your revivified eyes as you strained to shield your hand over them, but your appendage & its limb fell flat over your lower belly. The sound of shutters closing gave you shaded comfort. For lack of better words, your vision was fuzzy at first. You regained consciousness, submerged neck down in a bathtub filled with lukewarm water with a fluffy towel embroidered with "W.D." in coiling font folded behind your head. It took you a few winks to clear your vision but once you did, you thought you were still dreaming of your transformation.

Upon looking down, you note your lilac body was cloaked in an orange, purple-trimmed tunic dress with slight matching details & white/amber dress heels. Not long after you awoke, Darling entered the room with a far bigger towel for your whole body. It seemed even fluffier than the one you had under your head. He sees that you're awake & grins.

"Good morning, Y/N!" He beams, dipping his finger into the water, most likely to check the temperature, while you start taking stock of your novel body: not numb but not overstimulated. Decent hues. Not too bad, if you had to say so. Your eyes float to Darling's face while a smile settled onto yours. He knows your looking at him, he likes you looking at him, he's just focused on tending to you (your recently reformed body).

Soon, he helps you out of the tub & dries you off due to a lag in mobility. Now that you're dried & (partially) standing, you get to see your brilliant orange hair being pulled mindfully into a high ponytail with the green strip of textile by your darling companion before he sets his hands on your shoulders. Your eyes looked as dreamy as his but you had magenta-hued eyeshadow instead of his reds/blues & a very faint line bordering your mouth's edge to possibly signify lips. You began toing-&-froing your head as slight glimmers of what you assumed were microscopic glitter showed nicely in the lit-up mirror's reflection of you. Wally's reflection leans to your right with a smile on his cat-like face.∆

"I hope you don't mind, my darling, but I did your makeup for you. I hope you like it." He shines well in the mirror's lights, leaving you starstruck. If he hadn't known to catch you sooner, you would have swooned straight into the sink's edge.

After wringing out any excess moisture, he begins leading you to a separate bedroom within Home. It's relatively quaint; a dresser of night clothes & intimates, a vanity mirror set that doubles as a writing desk complete with a well-padded swivel stool & pastel purple rotary phone, a twin canopy bed, in-wall bookshelves of blank sketch books/diaries, & a full-on walk-in closet full of on-theme wardrobe options.

"This room is yours!" Wally spoke gleefully, gesturing you into it with an encouraging wave. "It will evolve with you the longer you stay here! & look! Home even gave you books to work in!" His bright skin shifted into a giddy smile, the smooth voice giving a honeyed tone as you began exploring your new dwelling. As you did, Home creaked to gain Wally's attention. The filming was starting soon & he needed to finish his routines. Wally bids you a good day, turning to leave while Home gives a series of creaks that he reacts to happily while carrying on to greet the Viewer at the train/bus station.

While you wait, you root around the room curiously. You had always loved the Neighbors' style, the whole "70s Kidcore" fashion, & sought to throw something together due to your secondary-hued garbs not matching. Wally did just help you into a new form, new living arrangements, new everything, so maybe you could blend in a bit better. Easier said than done. Your fleece & yarn didn't go well with anything in the entirety of the primary-hued wardrobe, even the night clothes didn't fit your shades.

Defeated & dejected, you place everything back into its places respectfully, returned to your initial garbs & flopped onto the lush bed with the lusher beddings puffing up around you. You barely noticed the low rattling of the closet & dresser until Home tumbled Its floor to draw your awareness back to the root of your downed behavior. "Home, with all due respect, I was just in there. I can't wear any of-" your words catch in your throat. "-that."

You blink in shock, seeing a totally you-themed armoire that you excitedly dance into. Tea dresses, Whoopee-style denim bodysuits, peasant blouses, day dresses, bell bottoms, house dresses, frayed jeans, midi/maxi dresses, a kaleidoscope of tie-dyed options, tunic-type garbs, headbands, scarves, & jewelry (made of wood, stones, feathers, beads that look like eyes), fitted wide lapel blazers, flared pants, sweaters, cardigans, jumpers, numerous shoe choices from casual to formal, the whole 70s shebang.

You stood there, mouth wide open & stupefied at the expansive wardrobe Home had made especially & explicitly for you. What could you do but hug the door & its frame leading to your fashion fantasies? Home gives a seemingly happy creak, rattling Its floorboards in the direction of a wall-mounted vanity far bigger & with more makeup & hair items. Oh, yeah! This'll be fun~.

~~~~~

Wally slides behind Home's front door, bidding the viewers a good day while breathing a sigh of relief after the door clicks shut. Home cheerfully welcomes him & gets his attention, leading him up the stairs & into the doorway of [Y/N]'s room. He's confused yet trusting of the structure he's come to trust in his relatively short life. Once he reaches his destination, he was unsettled to find the room empty of his newest companion until the dual closet doors snapped open, giving you a much-obliged path for you to twirl out of.

Your high bun was held up by your bow-tied textile, orange-based peasant blouse, love beads, bracelets, a dark purple, full skirt complete with a light purple, cutesy poodle detail, frilled white socks, & the shoes you came into your new life with. You only noticed him when you stopped twirling for a second. He's just there, gazing at you.

"Home made me some new clothes." you chuckle shyly. "What do you think? Is it too much?" Your hand moves to dust off nonexistent filth from your skirt's front & sides as Wally stares on, only answering when Home gave a robust creak. The sound was most likely Its way of snapping Wally from his trance. "You look dynamite! It fits you so well!" His slightly raised vocals & bright smile are contagious, spurring you to look over your shoulder to the full-length mirror hanging within your view.

The rest of your day was spent being taught how to behave around others outside of Home's walls & Wally's gaze, should the need arise. For instance, say an episode calls for Wally to be away in the Neighborhood while you sit all alone in Home. You'd like to be out & about like any sane person/puppet. If you do leave, you'd have to change into something akin to Wally's apparel but feminine. Blouse, skirt, all that. You can keep the hair tie though. What to say, what not to say, both needed to not cause any unfavorable attention to you by anyone.

You listen intently, scribbling into one of your books you had labeled "Behavioral Know-how", as Wally speaks next to you at the kitchen table. Somehow, your pen hadn't run out of ink yet with all the writing you were doing. Wally pauses, giving a small, robotic chuckle as you lift your head with a furrowed brow. With a smooth movement, he boops your tongue's tip that had poked out in your bit of concentration.

"You're so cute like this~." Had his voice dipped? You hadn't noticed due to flustering into hour hands. Wally gives his odd laugh while you tried to recompose yourself. The sweet scene was seemingly untainted by the fact that, while the Viewers were distracted by a couple of skits that didn't feature him, Wally slithered off to handle some of those bullies from the night before.

He was still upset at the sight of you, frightened half to death, crumbled at Home's doorstep, nearly being punished for the heroic deed you had done to keep his dearest friends safe & unsullied. It made his stuffing feel like kindling & his fleece shift heatedly. Once he found the first few Home had described for his mental list, he made sure to keep out of the splatter distance when he blinked at them.

The lesson ends & Wally escorts you to your room with that warmly odd demeanor of his. You ask an extra question or two about the dos & don'ts of your new life, suppressing yawns as you did, while he patiently answered them. You were strangely eager to adapt to his life, but he couldn't be happier than right now. You were on his arm, sleepily talking of a life you wholeheartedly planned on living with him while content to be a side or background character, planning to have a building of your own to the side; something the Neighborhood doesn't have yet.

By the time the two of you reach your room, Home had somehow laid out night clothes for you. Two-piece men's set & a classy silk gown were your options. You vanish behind the privacy of your closet's doors while you tossed ideas around about the new building concept until Wally mentions the lack of blooms around the Neighborhood. You sprung from the closet, second wind shortly blasting through you, as you suggest a floral set up. "A flower shop!" you squeak excitedly. Wally laughs, amused by the sudden burst of energy, before agreeing to the idea.

You tuck yourself in, nuzzling into the warm bed as your companion strolls to your bedside with a soft smile adorning his face. "Sleep tight, [Y/N]. Tomorrow may not be your debut, but soon the time will come. Nighty night~." His vocals lull you to sleep as images of the flora-clad shop danced in your mind; brilliant blooms, radiant roses, beautiful Bergenias, & breathtaking bundles of bouquets all twirled in your dreams as sleep graced your novel form.

Not too far from the Neighborhood, somewhere in the vast studio, three men's bodies were hidden carefully so as to not be found. They lay on the grimy floor with whole halves & massive hunks 'bitten' from their bodies, taken slowly until each target passed due to blood loss or vital pieces of themselves vanishing, both sending them into shock & leaving them helpless against the beast that committed the most horrid act. Three down, eight to go...

There it is! I'll be working on pt.3/? soon! Leave your favorite blooms/herbs/plants in the comments & I'll try to fit them in somewhere.

Likes are nice, but reblogs are better!

[ess-presso]

your fic recs have been absolutely superior so ty. my turn! engraved upon my heart (in letters deeply worn) by inkpot_winters - jegulus little women au. need i say more. (also bc little women was in your top books)

taylor time! sad beautiful tragic, the moment i knew, and the way i loved you! ( i keep thinking im repeating ones ive already said so if i give u one i already said just ignore it LOL)

chat time!

drarry being a guilty pleasure is so real. like drarry and jegulus is same ship different font so u cant go wrong.

and being used as a personal grammarly by friends? SO real. my best friend cant spell for shit and ive been her dictionary and autocorrect since we kids.

okay but red converse is so james of you. i have red converse as well (i think i wore nothing but my red converse for an entire year when i was 16) but i like to change it up with my green or black converse too (i drew stars and moons all over the rubber part on my black ones because. i have to make everything in my life about wolfstar obviously)

GREEK MYTHOLOGY KIDS UNITE! this makes me so happy. truly a superior breed. i guess my obsession just bled into my academic career and here i am LOL. and dont worry, caecilius est in horto is a joke here too (at least it was in my intro to latin class, i feel like the average canadian would be lost)

love that u want to save lives. thats so cool of u. my best friend is a nursing student and shes the most badass person ive ever met so maybe its a prerequisite to be cool if u save lives.

(also wanting to be an agent after watching a spy movie is SO REAL like i swear my divine purpose becomes being a cool ass kicking agent, until reality dawns on me and i remember im just. a random person)

your top books list is so good. i love little women SM & ive heard so many good things about if we were villains (i really need to get on reading that)

also JUMANJI i love that movie. so good. and the hunger games movies ofc just classics at this point. and help the woman calling herself the kim k of businesswomen in the apprentice is so funny some people say the funniest things.

id love to visit new york too. concrete jungle where dreams are made of, obviously. the big gulp cup. god i want one too. (we have them in canada but i think ours are way smaller?)

your jewelry sounds so cool. i love the hp pandora bracelet thats so cool & rings! i love rings sm i cannot leave the house without them.

pop tarts & chinese takeout is such a good combination. perfect comfort food fr.

and a fellow cat person! i like dogs but i love cats sm. i have 3 and theyre my most favourite little creatures on the planet.

an INFJ! very remus of u. (at least i think hes an INFJ? idk i saw a tiktok about it lol) im an INTJ so im living up to my reg kinnie status.

stars is such a good choice. i will always be a star person too (and hello? im an ex-astronomy student too thats so funny). theyre just so pretty and i swear i could stare at them for hours.

christmas is my fav holiday too!! ive actually always wanted to visit london at christmas time it sounds so nice. do you get much snow during the winter? we dont get much snow here so honestly anywhere that gets snow at christmas sounds great to me.

I ACTUALLY DONT KNOW WHY I THOUGHT JAMES OPENED THE DOOR??? i think i read some dumb thing somewhere where he opened the door wearing a lightning mcqueen costume and it really stuck with me😭 i guess i decided that was canon to me LOL

question answer time!

fav rarepair - oh god i dont even know. i tend to always enjoy the more popular ships. although i did read a fake dating fic where james and evan fake dated to make barty and reg jealous, and ofc barty and reg fake dated to make james and evan jealous. (a star for a summer's day by moony_reggie if u wanna check it out!) so ill say james x evan. they had more chemistry together than i would've expected.

fuck marry kill james sirius remus - GOd. i cant even answer that question thats like the hardest thing anyone has ever asked me. uhmmm ill fuck them all, and then marry them all. if i had to kill someone itd be myself because i cannot be responsible for any of their deaths THEYVE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH!!

place i wanna visit - id love to visit new zealand. im a HUGE lord of the rings fan and they filmed the movies there so id die if i ever got the chance to visit. ive actually always wanted to visit london too (and a lot of the UK in general, especially wales and scotland) as well as italy & greece! i visited both on a school trip a few years ago and it was a dream come true but id love to go back.

fav book/book series - another brutal question but ill try:

picture of dorian gray

song of achilles

percy jackson series

shadowhunter chronicles (yes its the incest series NO THEYRE NOT ACTUALLY SIBLINGS I SWEAR! we dont talk about it.)

mara dyer series by michelle hodkin (underrated and so good)

hp series ofc

hunger games ALWAYS.

six of crows duology my beloved <3

most embarrassing thing ive ever done - oh man. okay lets see. when i was in 10th grade i had to take a spanish oral final at the end of the school year but i am an ANXIOUS woman and did not wanna do that so i skipped my spanish class until the end of the year. my best friend was in my class and my teacher kept asking her where i was until one day she told my teacher i had CHLAMYDIA and thats why i was gone. i guess her excuse worked because the teacher never asked again. the next year any time i saw that teacher in the hall she gave me a funny look but . i guess mission success? i never did have to take that final so. LOL

favourite thing i own - i have a set of lightsabers (yes im a star wars nerd (derogatory)) but also i have the ring from the lord of the rings! my precious truly.

if my life was a movie - i truly dont think my life is interesting enough to have an exciting title. i think the best i can come up with is "the underwhelming adventures of a crazy cat lady and her books". and thats just like abysmal so.

YOUR TURN!

do u have any pets?

fav fanfic trope?

do u have any weird talents?

whats your gas station order?

fav flower/plant?

fav planet?

and simply because now i have to know, most embarrassing thing youve ever done?

fav instrument sound? (like what sounds most pleasing to your ear)

and thats all! i eagerly await your responses and in the meantime ill be over here doing a little dance.🕺

-bee

bee hello hello hello 👋 i missed u <333

jegulus little women au ??? on god , sign me up for this right the fuck now. (& little women is genuinely so good. amylaurie truther 5ever>>>>)

(fic rec for u - no bright line by lady_grey - w/ sirius being an actor, remus being a historian & lily being the filmaker & matchmaker who fixes them up. james and harry are just there for the vibes honestly.)

tay tay -

sad beautiful tragic - JEGULUS - ‘long handwritten note’ - HELLO???? mr rab with the locket?? ‘kiss me try to fix it’ james trying to tell regulus to come and come that he’ll save reg , but reg already knowing he’s beyond repair. ‘for the life of us we can’t get back’ WHAT WHAT. they should’ve been happy your honour. ‘we both wake up in lonely beds in different cities’ the different places they wake up in especially during the summer holidays. ‘beautiful magic love there. what a sad beautiful tragic love affair.’ THEM THEM THEM THEY HAD SOMETHING SO SPECIAL AND THEY WERE SO TRAGIC.

the moment I knew- BLACK BROTHERS- i had to think about this one because I didn’t think anyone of my ships would betray each other like in this song. just not turn up or anything. BUT OF COURSE ! black brothers angst. i can just imagine sirius being like ‘bro i’m coming to your party bro’ & reg waiting but he doesn’t come because he’s getting smashed with the marauders. AHHHHH OH MY GOD NOW I’M ALL HURT. ‘your close friends seem to know when there’s something wrong’ - James being all ‘sup reg what up with u dude u seem a little depresso.’ i can just feel this song. very them .

the way i loved you - JEGULUS - i love this in the context of that jegulus had to break up and bartylus begins but then reg keeps thinking of james , like to me ‘frustrating intoxicating complicated’ is something reg would SO use to describe james. (ps - i’ve heard people use this for remus-grant in which it’s remus singing the song about sirius which i also agree with!)

now chatting time-

drarry ! i love them so much ! ‘harry had never been less interested in quidditch, he was rapidly become more and more obsessed with draco malfoy’ like BRO . i know what you are. ‘the boy who lived’ more like the ‘bi who lived’

and the personal dictionary thing is so real , isn’t it? it’s always like ‘ess check this’ ‘ess is there an a in definite’ ‘ess why is there a red line under this word’ .

and yes i agree red converse is very very james of me ! i love them so much they’re very dear to me. and green and black converse ??? very slytherin of you (i think the stars are so real of you #wolfstar5ever) i actually have a pair of stars converse !! on the little flap thingy , there is a little moon stitched on as well! when i saw them i was like ‘ i must own these’.

AND YES GREEK MYTHOLOGY FOREVER !!!! WE ARE THE BEST !!! the trojan horse was my obsession as a kid lmfao. i love that you took it to the next step though i could never do latin for so long ! (and i’m glad caecilius est in horto carries everywhere. it’s a staple of latin classes honestly.)

AND YESSSS saving lives is for cool people only ? are u a loser ? do you want to save lives ? if yes then u are no longer a loser ! (and nurses are definitely badass good on your best friend for opting for that)

(after the movies end i always be in the toilets staring into the mirror having an existential crisis like ‘well i’m gonna be in the mi6 now better get to training’ then the toilet flushes behind me and i get back to reality.)

little women ❤️❤️❤️❤️ (the 2019 movie >>>) ( and yes you must read iwwv that book changed my brain chemistry forever)

AND JUMANJI JUST SLAPS SO HARD HONESTLY!!! kevin and the rock together >>> . AND THIS YEAR’S APPRENTICE is on crack fr. if you watch it , you’ll notice there’s one guy who looks exactly like the hyde , honestly. and lord sugar saying ‘i hear you own a pest control business. any tips on how to get rid of piers morgan’ LIKE BRO YOU WENT HARD.

yes new york oh my god new york seems like the place that would make or break u. (not to mention that americans are a bit of a novelty here . like the candies , the cheetos the accents >>>) AND THE AMERICAN BIG GULP IS LIKE HUMONGOUS. HUGE . I must try it. (you have them in canada ??? that’s so cool)

RINGS ARE SO COOL. makes me feel all mysterious n shit , but i do too much lab work to handle wearing them all the time.

pop tarts & chinese takeout are simply superior. i don’t make the rules??

YOU HAVE CATS ??? I DON’T (yet. i plan on getting a black cat with green eyes. but a black cat) THAT’S SO SWEET AND AWESOME AND COOL AHHHHH. cats are so adorable honestly. (what are the kitties names ? i must know them and shower them with love from me !)

and yes INFJ !!! i love chocolate , but unfortunately i am not a werewolf so not totally remus. INTJ?? you little reg kinnie i see you there.

stars honestly i love them. light pollution is just so damning in london though. (and what??? that’s such a freaky coincidence oh my god !!!)

AND YES CHRISTMAS I LOVE CHRISTMAS !!! we did get snow last year but it melted pretty fast. We actually got frost a couple days ago , but not proper snow. i’m waiting for a real proper snow day again where the snow actually stays for ages. and lmfao you don’t get snow in canada ?? whenever i imagine canada i always think of three things - snow , maple syrup & mooses. it upsets me that not all of these things are everywhere in canada.

AND LMFAO NOT THE JAMES DOOR THING ??? it’s such a funny little thing because i see people bashing him for being dumb and opening the door and i’m like ‘guys.no’ (but he defo was wearing a costume.like that’s just the truth .)

your questions -

just enjoying the popular ships and not having a rarepair is so real of u. like yes i’m a basic bitch and i just want my jegulus + wolfstar. so what?? (and james & evan?? hmm never heard that before , i’m gonna have to check it out.) my rarepair is really really weird. brace yourself. it’s pansy x percy. i read one fic with them and i thought that was really cool so i think they’re sweet to read now and then! (the fic was the secretary by pacificrimbaud btw - recced by me but do read the tags for extra warnings ik not everyone likes that. it has wild child personal assistant pansy and rude controlling boss percy.)

not being to choose between them is so real . (me however ?? fuck james marry sirius kill remus. love u moonpie but mummy’s got a job to do.)

visiting places where movies got filmed is so surreal though isn’t it ?? and a lotr fan?? my mate’s one and she gave me the silmarillion to read for xmas . (it’s going to take me at least seven months to read because i read (1) page and got confused already.) AND VISIT LONDON YESSS !! very cool here usually , as long as you don’t bump into any roadmen. (I also want to go to italy and greece. Especially venice and athens >>>)

your fave books , i’m going through one by one

podg - isn’t ben barnes in the movie ?? so many edits i’ve seen of him with potd scenes , honestly i’ve got to read the book (& watch the movie of course , to sate my desire.)

‘name one hero who was happy’ & ‘ i am made of memories’ haunt me forever.

pjo is honestly so iconic. i’m waiting for the big old series to come out now.

IS THIS THE ONE BASED ON RON X GINNY FIC ?? like the one that goes ‘you’re my sister , my blood , i should want to protect you’ 😀😀😀 but i trust your judgement here bee!

never heard of this one. but i did just search it up , and the blurb is interesting so i’ve added it to my tbr !

hp did have my little year five self in a chokehold.

THE HUNGER GAMES OH MY LORD >>>>> peeta mellark and his baby bombs my god>>>

and soc ! i would read it except i have been spoiled for a certain chapter 40!

NOT YOU SKIPPING THE SPANISH CLASSES BECAUEE YOU DIDN’T WANT TO DO THE ORAL??? just say me llamo been and pass the exam 🤨🤨🤨🤨.now u got chlamydia too . and the teacher looking at you like ‘damn how she get chlamydia , this bitch be getting around.’

OMG LIGHTSABERS ??? i would so fight with them all the time that’s so so so awesome. (just looked up the lotr ring. it looks so elegant!)

ahhhh being a crazy cat lady >>>> (not abysmal cats beat people anyday.) my movie would be ‘drunk procrastinator’ because honestly i never do things on time and a little bit of sippy sip does release the stress sometimes. (the things i’ve done when under the influence will haunt me. my best friend has so much blackmail material on me .)

MY QUESTIONS —>

unfortunately not yet. but i do want to get a cat , so i’ll get on that asap.

when person a smells person b in amortentia , or when person a is given veritaserum and admits they like person b. i’m a sucker for that shit >>>

my weird talent is that i can eat an entire bowl of cereal in under ten seconds !! not useful at all , but it’s weird so yes , i consider it a talent !

i had to look up what a gas station was i got so confused. we call them petrol stations here so i was like ‘tf is a gas station’ BUT ANYWAYS! I don’t even have a car unfortunately, but my chauffeur (best friend) does and obviously i abuse the best friend privileges, and whenever he needs petrol i always get a pack of gum , a can of sprite (+ a diet coke for the driver man). (this is what you mean by gas station order , yes ? gas stations in canada don’t have restaurants in them right?)

favourite flower - poppies ! i adore poppies ! + lavender they’re so pretty // favourite plant - hyrdrangeas ! (they’re classified as shrubs so they count) very sweet and nice.

favourite planet - gonna be a real one and choose my gal pluto. she’s still a planet to me , okay???

i was at a funeral when i got a phone call . my phone was NOT on silent. and the worst part ? my ringtone was baby got back , so now the deceased’s family have a memory of ‘turn around stick it out even white boys got the shout , baby got back!’ in the middle of someone’s eulogy.

saxophone ! that shit RELAXING AS FUCK !

q’s for you to answer next time you come around -

what the fuck is putin (not the president)

unpopular opinion about the marauders

unpopular opinion in life

Dream car

do you watch the apprentice?

do you believe in soulmates ? (romantic or platonic?)

what’s your hidden talent?

Favourite villain ?

ever had your heart broken ?

ever broken a heart?

(bee you know the drill by now !! don’t be too long , I’ll miss you<333)

[blossomingbooks]

Brat: Charli xcx’s embodiment of Susan Sontag's "New Sensibility" 

If you’re at least a little bit online, you’ve definitely heard about “brat summer” in the last two to three months. That is because British singer, songwriter and producer Charli xcx released her sixth studio album called Brat on 7 June 2024. Coincidentally, I was reading Susan Sontag's “One Culture and the New Sensibility” at the time, which helped me look at this phenomenon in an interesting light.

Maybe you had never heard of Charli xcx before, maybe you just knew a few songs, or maybe you were already a fan like me. Either way, one can’t deny that her new album has already made a significant cultural impact — not only in the music industry, but in pop culture as well. So, through the lens of Sontag’s cultural contemplations, I’ve decided to unpack a bit of this phenomenon that we've been seeing all around us in the last couple of months. 

In this essay, Susan Sontag talks about a “new sensibility” that emerged in the 20th century and started to twist the linear perspective that society had about both art and culture: 

“This new sensibility is rooted (...) in the crowdedness of the human scene (...) the availability of new sensations such as speed (...) and in the pan-cultural perspective on the arts that is possible through the mass reproduction of art objects." 

The advent of electronic music seems to be very intertwined with these post-industrialization concepts of speed, crowdedness and industrial sounds. A main figure of the hyperpop microgenre and known to recurrently use imagery of mechanical objects such as cars, Charli xcx has been bringing some of these elements into pop culture. 

This year, the artist decided to challenge some "conventionally accepted boundaries" (Sontag) of the music industry with her 6th studio album Brat. Its cover sparked much controversy, with its lime green background and its lowercase pixelized font. Although I confess I despised it when I first saw it, that seems to be the exact reaction she was looking for. This choice can be perfectly summarized by Sontag:  

"(...) artists have had to become self-conscious aestheticians: continually challenging their means, their materials and methods. Often, the conquest and exploitation of new materials and methods drawn from the world of 'non-art' - for example, from industrial technology, from commercial processes and imagery (...)" 

As the very “self-conscious aesthetician” Charli herself has said, the purpose of this choice was to defy the convention of pop album covers having to portray the female artist’s body. The “offensive, off-trend shade of green” (xcx) was specially chosen to question the expectations of art needing to be pretty and pleasing. 

To Sontag, “the basic unit for contemporary art is not the idea, but the analysis of and extension of sensations” — and there is something very sensorial about Brat (as, arguably, about most club music). The lime green color creates a visceral reaction. The concept of unapologetically being a “brat” draws a particular mood and way of being associated with the album. Although permeated by moments of deeper reflections and inward inquiries, the lyrics aren’t the main focus, but a conduit for a cathartic expression through club music. 

All in all, "a great work of art is never simply (or even mainly) a vehicle of ideas or of moral sentiments. It is, first of all, an object modifying our consciousness and sensibility, changing the composition, however slightly, of the humus that nourishes all specific ideas and sentiments" (Sontag). 

If you liked this second part in my short series of comparative analyses on Sontag versus pop culture, check out part 1 about Chappell Roan!

[jodilin65]

TUESDAY, AUGUST 30, 1994 Boy, I can’t believe how many entries start off with “I’m in a great mood” since I’ve been here, but it’s true. One of the reasons I’m in a great mood now is cuz I got my period. The other’s cuz I’m only on Phase 2, but yet it’s a miracle already. I’m nowhere near as tight or as wheezy as I am in the mornings or at the end of my day.

Yesterday I rearranged all the photo albums. It took a few hours, but it was fun and well worth it.

Yesterday my back sure was killing me, my boobs were killing me and I had a ton of water retaining in me.

Yesterday I got an 11-page letter from Bob, but none from my mom yet.

Last night I checked Andy’s VM, he had 57 messages. I was asleep when he came in to get his tapes, so I know he made it in OK last night. I haven’t talked to him yet, though.

Still no calls from Fran. Great, huh? I don’t know if it’s cuz he’s lost his phone, or what, but I certainly don’t miss putting up with him.

Tom’s working on installing new stuff on the computer and he’s having fun with it. Later we’ll do the thank-you cards and work on the new cooler.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 28, 1994 Boy, have I got my work cut out for me! I still haven’t gotten my mom’s letter yet, but I began a letter to my parents a little while ago.

Tomorrow I’ll have been here one whole year!!!!

Andy’s got 47 messages on his VM and he’s going to have more later.

Tom downloaded some new fonts from America online before he went to work. He told me to go through them and write down the ones I didn’t like. There were only two I didn’t really like that were samples and some of them looked the same but had different names. I really like Old English and St. Frances.

Tom’s going to show me how to make word search puzzles soon. Supposedly it’s really easy. All you do is size it, tell it what words you want to seek out, and it’ll scramble it into a word search puzzle.

The C drive crashed, so Tom had to transfer what was on there to another drive. This is why I’m glad my journals are on the B drive, as the stuff is not stored on a main drive. It goes on a floppy disk.

Shall I do another book of letters? I’m thinking about it and if I do, I’ll use 79. Got a letter from Kim yesterday, thanking me for all those Bob letters. She said she read them all in just two sittings. Wow. I thought it’d take her 20 sittings.

Tom got a book on how to make your own books, pamphlets, boxes, etc.

Yesterday he worked a lot on the cooler, making major progress with it, and I helped.

Yesterday we also went out and I got two bras. Haven’t got new underwear yet.

I got a triad optical illusion book to color. It’s a lot like the one Kim gave me in Deerfield that I’ve been looking all over for.

Also got 3 new really nice journals. Now I have a total of 81!

Sex with Tom and I have been so much better. In fact, we broke another record. He came this morning! I’m sure he’d never lie about it, but it was a mild one where nothing really came out. He said it felt really good like he was cumming, then it instantly got soft. Women sometimes have very light orgasms, so it’s possible for a guy too, I’d guess.

I wrote up the messages for the thank-you cards for Margaret, Geneva, Char and Jim and Goldie and Al.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 26, 1994 Got another shocker in the mail today. A wedding card and check for $50 from Goldie and Al. It makes me wonder who else will shock me.

It’s kind of sad to know, though, that if we had a kid, no one from my side would send even a card. Oh well, as long as Tom and I are happy. That’s what really matters. Tom said that if we did have a kid, I’d have nothing to worry about. Yeah maybe, cuz Tom’s right about most things and my parents have been known to shock me in the past. They’ve surprised me over the last few years.

As of yet, I don’t expect to hear from any aunts, uncles or cousins, but that’s their choice.

Our new color-splash address labels came. They’re really nice and there are 5 different colors - pink, blue, green, peach and yellow. I put some in journals.

Later…

Tom got up at 5:30 and we made pork chops and French fries. Then he ate me out and worked on the computer before showering and going to work.

I lay out for nearly an hour and I did get a little color. It’s pretty hot out there, but the strangest thing about it was, was that I didn’t see one bee. Fine with me, though.

I just checked and Andy’s got 35 new messages and 4 saved ones. A co-worker of his has also left several messages. I never really knew just how many minutes you could use up on VM, but I know it’s a hell of a lot more than on a regular answering machine.

I really hope to get my mother’s letter today, but in the meantime, I sent Kim and Bob’s. Weekends are when I’m the busiest, so I may mail their letters every Friday, instead of every Monday. When I’d send them on Mondays, they’d usually get them on Thursdays. If I sent it on a Friday, they’ll probably get it on Tuesday. Tom says maybe even Monday. It’s weird how it only takes 2 days for me to get mail from MA or CT, but if I send mail there, it usually takes 4 days. It’s 4 days back and forth to FL seemingly, too.

I did some singing a little while ago. It started off a little strained, then not too bad at all.

It’s been really quiet around here lately. I love it. May God please keep it that way!

Well, I’ve really been into word search puzzles lately, so I think I’ll go do that and I’ll write more later.

Later…

Bummer! No letter from my mom. I got all junk mail today.

Tammy got her figurine in one piece. Thank God. I hope my parents are as lucky and get theirs in one piece, too.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 25, 1994 Last Tuesday Tom trimmed my hair! Yup, he sure did, believe it or not, and he did a great job. He trimmed off about an inch. Now I can really be on my way to healthy hair by having him trim it regularly. No more worrying about some hairdresser suddenly going scissor-happy and taking off a foot or more.

Yesterday I called and told Ma all about CD ROM which we finally got, but I’ll get to that later. She asked if we’d gotten anything for our wedding from anyone she knows. She also commented on the thank you card that we sent them saying that that’d be nice to send to anyone that sends us anything.

At first I thought that it was kind of strange of her to bring that up since the wedding was almost 3 months ago. Then, the mail came and then I knew why she was bringing it up. Can you believe we got a card and check for $50 from Charlotte and Jim R?! This sure caught me off guard and came as a huge surprise, but at the time, it’s a bummer to know no one would send us shit if we were expecting a kid. Ma’s bad-mouthed the shit out of me to so many people for so long, that in their eyes, I could never be fit to be mother material.

I typed them a quick letter on all that’s been going on since I came here and when Tom gets up I’ll see if he can print out a thank you card with our wedding pictures on it. I don’t want to wait on this, though, so if I have to, I’ll just send the letter.

He’s been so busy. He hasn’t yet done up thank you cards for his mom’s two sisters, the 3-D postcards for Dave and Evie, Lisa’s letter, or my letter.

Anyway, Tom got up at 5 AM yesterday to show me CD ROM. It’s amazing! I mean, it is just so cool and it’s a tangible thing that shows me that my dream may still be achievable after all. It’ll take time and work, but it’s like having a quality home recording studio. It has a karaoke thing in it and you can record on different tracks just like they do in studios and on and on. It does lots of different things. We can’t make CDs yet cuz what we’d need to do it with costs a couple of grand. However, the prices will come down, but for now, we can go through the steps that come before the actual making of a CD.

I never thought in my wildest dreams that I could share my dream with the one I love, while we combine both our goals and dreams. While he’s promoting my singing, he can promote his programming and other things he does. I picked out some music to start with and he’s putting it into the computer without having to play it. Then somehow I’ll sing to the music and he’ll mix and arrange it to however it sounds best.

Yesterday for the first time in what seems and feels like ages, we had great sex. And I mean, great sex. We always say we’ll keep up on it regularly, but never do cuz of life’s unexpected happenings, but I hope that’ll change. I sure got my cake and ate it too, as he went down there and ate me out, as well as went in there. There was no pain or pressure at all. Especially when we do it on the living room couch. That’s a lot easier than the bed.

Ma said she mailed the letter she wrote to me, so I hope I get that today. I wonder what she has to say. I guess the usual everyday stuff.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 23, 1994 I sure thought I was going to puke a while ago! My heart was booming too, but after laying down I felt better.

Again I didn’t sleep too long. Maybe 5 for hours. I figure, though, my body wouldn’t have woken up if it were that tired. The bad thing about it is, is that it shoots my whole day with Tom. I’ve been up since 8 PM.

Yesterday when I woke up, I had gone the longest I’d ever gone without my meds. I was 6 hours overdue on it. I woke up very wheezy and was scared, even though I knew I wasn’t in any real trouble. I thought it would take a couple of hours, though, to get it under control, so I asked Tom to please leave as I didn’t want him to have to deal with it too. He said he’d rather stay to take care of me, closed his eyes, put his hands on my chest and it stopped. It just suddenly stopped. It was amazing.

Later…

Yuck! Gross! I threw up a little while ago. Luckily it wasn’t that bad. Tom heard me and came out nauseous, too. He didn’t throw up, though, which was nice. His is due to too much acid in his stomach and we think I fried the wrong foods. I fried fish sticks from a TV dinner and he suggested that it could be processed differently and not for fryers. Plus, there were no frying instructions on the box for frying.

Hang on while I go brush my teeth.

Later…

OK, that’s much better. Tom went back to bed. I feel much better and I can breathe OK and I’m not too tired.

Tom said not to worry about us losing time together cuz it’ll all work out. Well, his encouragement does help.

I think I’ve been going about the Phase-Out wrong. I’m supposed to draw on the cigarette before the holes and not cover them up with my lips. This way the hot air inside the cig mixes with the cooler air outside the cig to create condensation to trap the tar, nicotine, and carbon monoxide before they can get into my lungs.

I noticed stretch marks on the tops and sides of my breasts and asked Tom why it was so when I’ve never lost 40-50 pounds of “boob weight.” He said it’s cuz I never wear a bra, but not to worry about it. Well, I’m not worried, but I thought about it. I’m wearing a bra now, as support for any part of the body’s good just like when I wear the tummy/back supporter. It also helps relieve the soreness I get before that time of the month. I need new panties, so maybe sometime I can get matching bra/panty sets.

MONDAY, AUGUST 22, 1994 I taped the Barbara Streisand concert for my parents. I also typed a letter for Bob, so I’ve got letters going out to him, Kim, Lisa and Brian. I’m too tired to write anymore right now, but I will in an hour or so.

Later…

I just worked out a little while ago. The next time I work out two days from now, I’ll be adding the fourth and final weight. It’s pretty heavy now.

I spoke to Tammy, too.

When I showed Tom the thing I typed up which I copied in, he said he needs to work on communicating himself better to me. When I asked him if he was mad about it, he said no cuz he’d never be mad at me for expressing my feelings. Other than that, things are fine. He was in a good mood last night and this morning. I was, too. He grabbed my butt and squeezed it this morning and said he hopes we can have sex soon. Me too. I just get frustrated at times cuz of what I wrote before. I also want it practically all the time. I never thought I’d be like that and I wish at times that I didn’t have such an appetite.

He said he could feel my hipbone, unlike ever before. That’s cool, but I still wish my thighs and belly would go down. I still have some craters in the backs of my thighs too, and I weigh 102.

I cleaned Tom’s ears with peroxide and alcohol. The concoction Brenda taught me.

Piggles and I went for a swim earlier while Tom was in the shower.

Tom said that within a couple of days, he’s going to type up a response to all I typed up. He said don’t worry, though, it was all good stuff and he’s already thought about what he’s going to say. That’s cool and I’ll copy it in here.

I killed a huge daddy-long leg that was in my room by my speaker. I sang. I changed the sheets. I set the VCR up to record Andy’s shows, and that’s about all for now.

I hope I get the letter Ma said she did for me, but I doubt I’ll get it until later this week.

Where the fuck is our wedding pictures?! Tomorrow Tom and I will have to call them in Vegas and see where the hell they are.

Tomorrow we’re going to the post office to mail my parent’s tape of Barbara. Also, the figurines for my parent’s anniversary and Tammy’s b-day.

I may get my hair trimmed, too. It really needs it.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 21, 1994 Yesterday I was up for nearly 20 hours and when I fell asleep it was only for 5½ hours, so I’m pretty beat.

I got a letter from Lisa which I copied into 35. It’s so sweet, and she sent Tom one, too. I’ve written her back and Tom says he’s going to write her back.

Later…

It is now only 12:33 AM, but I will be copying this into my journal as is, after Tom reads what I’m going to type here. Why am I doing this? Well, I think it’s something that can help me and Tom. This way Tom can read what I write about my feelings so he won’t have to say to himself, “Now how did she word that?” or “What did she say she thinks or feels about this or that?” Sometimes it’s easier to keep track of written words, rather than spoken words. It’s kind of like what a grocery list does. You have a damn good idea of what you need, but a list allows you to always see it, so you’ll be sure to remember and better understand it. I won’t do this regularly. Only when there are things going on that are confusing.

Do I expect Tom to do this, too? No. Only if he wants to cuz I don’t want him to ever do something he may not want to do. Also, I understand that he has little time to do this and that writing and typing are more my things than his.

OK, there are 3 issues that have me somewhat or very confused as far as what Tom and I want and agree on. Other than that, I am very happy with my life and know I’m the luckiest son of a bitch alive and that Tom’s one in millions. The 3 topics I will write about are sex, having a kid, and company.

When I discuss all these topics I’ll be saying how I feel about them. Both the ups and downs on them, etc. I’m also going to say what I think Tom feels, but I fully understand that I could be wrong. Therefore, after he reads this, I hope he’ll correct me with the things that are wrong, so I’ll learn more about him and understand him better.

Sex…

I have mixed emotions about this, just like the other two subjects. I want to do it almost every day, yet I also want to never do it again. Right now I feel like the only thing that’s good about it is when he licks me. The thing I feel that greatly improved is his getting in there. It’s getting easier and easier and much less painful. But how do I think I make him feel? Like shit, if not close. It’s been about a year now and he still can’t cum. Does this make me feel confident and normal? No. What’s confusing me about it? Well, he says he doesn’t want to hit on me for sex. I feel the same way cuz I don’t want to make him think that we can only have sex when I want it. He says he wants to be spontaneous, but he also says stuff like, we’ll do it tomorrow or at such and such a time. He says when he lays down with me it could very well be a signal. But how do I know that? How do I know that he doesn’t just want to talk? If not, who makes the first move? Should I ever make a move when I’m almost positive he’s too tired, or should I wait and see if he does? If one of us wants to do one thing and the other wants to do another, should we both do what we want? Or should only one of us? And if only one of us, then who? When’s the right time during sex to suggest that I do certain things to him or that he do certain things to me? When should he just do whatever and when should I just do whatever without saying anything about it? If he goes to do something to me that I don’t feel like doing, should I tell him not to do it, or should I let him do it if it makes him happy? Should I ask him, for example, if when I’m doing him by hand if it’s too light or too hard? Or should I just let him let me know? Another thing is that I feel that he thinks that I think sex should only please me and that’s far from true, otherwise I wouldn’t care that he hasn’t cum and want to know what he likes. And doesn’t like, for that matter. Another thing, for example, is that he’s told me he couldn't care less about my hair, meaning he doesn’t care if it’s long, short, braided, etc. but is there something else he may care about that may arouse him? Anything, no matter how common or unique, like red lipstick, a blue G-string, or a black shirt? Does this make me wish Tom could magically turn into a woman when we go to have sex? Not at all, cuz sex is sex, regardless of what gender you do it with and it’s complicated with anyone. Plus, sex is more about whom you do it with, not what you do it with. That’s at least how I see it.

Well, that’s all my questions and feelings about that.

Having a kid…

This one’s the most complicated of all, cuz there’s so much more to it. Sometimes I think Tom wants a kid, sometimes I think he doesn’t. I think that’s normal, though, cuz I feel the same way. When I feel sick or tired, I’m glad I don’t have one. Or when Tom’s too busy working his ass off with little free time at all for even us. He said he wasn’t glad he didn’t have a kid and said he was concerned about what my reaction would be if we found out I was pregnant, but then just the other day, he mentioned using rubbers cuz he didn’t want one now or in 9 months. I can see him not wanting one now, but I thought he doesn’t usually get in the habit of trying to predict what he’d want in 9 months from now. So do I not avoid fate and the possibility of getting pregnant? Or do we rubber it up? I don’t know why Tom would or would not want a kid, but here are the pros and cons I came up with after thinking about it:

Cons:

Fear of miscarriage and the pregnancy killing me.

Fear of the pain and dying in labor or delivery.

Fear of losing Tom cuz I’d be a bitch carrying it and fear of losing him during having it and after cuz of the stress of it, lack of sleep and me being so fat.

Fear of the kid coming in between us and making us fight more.

Fear of us not having any time together.

Fear of postpartum blues and being a sexual turn-off.

Fear of lack of sleep.

Fear of losing our lives and not being able to afford it.

I don’t know anything about raising or caring for kids.

Pros:

A life and a responsibility to take care of and teach and watch grow with Tom and when I’m home alone bored.

Despite the fears I’d have, the curiosity of having a life growing inside me and having it.

A great learning experience for me.

The sense of knowing there’s someone I can take care of, instead of someone always taking care of me.

Instead of listening to and doing for other people’s kids, I could listen to and do stuff for my own.

Playing with it and learning different things as far as caring for it step by step with each year and its different ages.

Hoping and praying that I’d be the best mom I could be and breaking people’s beliefs that I’d be just like my mom (though I don’t worry what others think that much).

A human thing created with the one I love, rather than an object that’s ours like the computer or the TV.

Being there for it when it’s sick, sad, or makes a major accomplishment in life, be it personal or something it’s learned.

That concludes that one, but I still feel I’m sterile only cuz it’s hard to believe otherwise. It’s like with me being in Arizona. I never ever believed that could happen and it still blows my mind.

Company…

This is the least confusing one. We’ve recently done our share of talking about this, but there are still a few more baffling things about it.

First of all, here’s the #1 important thing I can say for both of us. I know Tom would never play daddy and tell me I can’t go somewhere, or do something or see someone. I love him for that. My thing is that I’d never leave without at least a day’s notice or several hours or if there was something going on where my attention was demanded here at home. The only time I’d suddenly leave would be if Tom was asleep or working and I know I could be back in time for him to be around (or very close enough). Or for example, if Andy or Larry called while Tom was sitting right there and they asked if I wanted to go somewhere and Tom said, “Sure. No problem. There’s nothing going on right now that can’t wait or immediately needs your attention.”

Tom’s made it sound like I’ve had lots of company since we’ve been married, but I counted since we’ve been together. Before there was that piece of paper, there was us, and we’ve been together for about a year. Here’s how I see my visitor track record. I won’t count Andy cuz he’s local and there’s never been a problem with Andy that I’ve known of. He’s never taken our time or taken me away from something important.

Kim, Phil and Alex were here for 3 days and Larry was here twice. Out of 1 year, I’ve been around here at the house 98% of the time as far as I see it. I asked Tom if he was jealous and he said no. Now, I’m sure Tom would come out and say it if he was, but I still get the feeling that he might be cuz of certain comments he makes, like, “Nobody takes me places.” Here’s an example. I’ll make up to further explain why I thought he was jealous. Let’s make pretend Andy’s here and he’s at work and he knows Andy’s here. Tom feels left out and then in a way takes that “left out” feeling out on me. Well, I hope he knows that there are times when I and everyone feels left out, but that doesn’t stop him from being my #1. Of course, my first choice is to go places with him, but I think everyone should have a right to their friends and family occasionally too, and I think he knows how I feel about that. He sees his family way more than I do and they all live here, for the most part, so I think he understands how I feel.

There were two other shocking things he said, that in my mind are far from true. He said I’ve got lots of friends and this whole other life that he’s not a part of. No way. I’ve got only Andy as a friend and I have no life at all other than my hobbies and chores here at home. There have been countless times when I’ve been home alone bored, wishing Tom were here, wanting to talk, wanting sex, wanting us to be in business, wanting to be a singer, wanting a kid, etc. He’s more a part of my life than anyone’s ever been. Even more so than Andy.

The other thing was that he said he was afraid he couldn’t count on me to help with the business if Kim stopped in, for example. You’re talking once every year or two, though, for 1-3 days. People put their regular life on hold much more frequently than that without falling too far behind in housework, their loved ones, etc. My parents have lots of company and don’t always travel together and they’re happy, so it can be worked out. Also, my brother, I guess I’ll only see 1-3 times a year.

I will use my best judgment possible when it comes to someone wanting to come here or take me somewhere, but all I can say is that I’d never put them over Tom. It’s just like when Tom goes away to work for 12 hours for 4 days out of the week. I still know that that doesn’t mean he puts his job over me.

To conclude all I’ve written, well, I know the easiest thing to do would be to never have sex, never have a kid, and never have company. Do I really want to do that, though? No. I believe in “no pain, no gain.” I’d really like to take the cons that go with the pros of all 3 of these things and try to get rid of all the cons I could in the meantime about each one. I don’t want to keep being a procrastinator or chickening out, despite how easy that is to do.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 20, 1994 Today I begin Phase 2.

I got up late today, and as of now, Andy should be in Springfield. The poor guy must be exhausted after flying and riding in a car for a total of 9 hours.

I taped his shows today and I’ll be doing that all next week, as well as Monday the 29th. When I went to check to see that his shows weren’t cut short at the end or the beginning, which they weren’t, boy did I get a hell of a view for the first second of the tape! Like I said, he’s renting a camcorder. Last night he told me he filmed himself beating off so he could see what it looked like from someone else’s point of view. Then he said he erased it but I’ve learned a lot lately about videotaping. For example, if I taped a movie, rewound it back to the beginning, taped another movie over it, you’d no doubt see a second or two of what was originally on the tape. He’s still going to film in here when he returns, by the way.

I’m going to go watch TV, then I’ve got some other stuff to write about.

Later…

I watched Tales from the Crypt and I’m now ready to write more. Tom and I are going to work on the sides of Piggy’s cage tomorrow so that the sawdust can’t keep getting out. Actually, we may work on it later on this morning.

I began to copy some of the pictures of animals and cartoon characters he downloaded. I’ve done about 7 of them so far and so far my luck’s been good. They’re coming out nicely.

My mother called a few hours ago to tell me that yes, she would like me to tape the Barbara Streisand concert that’s to be on HBO for two hours this Sunday. I had mentioned it to them before and asked if they wanted it, but she didn’t. Guess she changed her mind.

She also said that she had just got done writing a letter to me. Oh my God! With it being a once-in-a-lifetime thing for her, I figured I’d never get a letter from either of them until next year. That’s cool, though, and I look forward to it.

I typed letters to Kim and Brian and speaking of changing minds, well, Kim’s in for a hell of a surprise, but let me go have a cig first.

Later…

I had my smoke and did a few more drawings.

As you know, I decided to keep all of Bob’s letters in a notebook. Well, I’m filling up the rest of #35 and was so bored when I began copying what I’ve got. I figured - why keep so many copied letters? So, today I mailed out a manila envelope stuffed with letters. Kim will be really busy with that. Because she’s never home, it’ll probably take her months to go through them all.

So, what shall I do now? I think I’ll go do some editing. I definitely need some coffee first to go with the event. Editing’s so boring for the most part.

Later…

I just did a little editing and had some coffee. Now I’m going to go look back and see if I can find the date of when I had my last asthma attack, so I can be psyched when it’s been 1 whole year!

Later…

I found the date of my last attack where I had to call 911. It was November 16th. I’ve gotta make it to the 1-year marker. Please, God, let me?!

Later…

I wish Tom would get up now. I’m bored and although there’s stuff I could do, I really don’t feel up to doing it now. Maybe I’ll go draw some more. Sure, why not?

I’ve now got about 15 drawings done. Some look really good and others are just so-so. Now I’m a bit drained, so I’m going to lie down till Tom gets up.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 19, 1994 Boy, did I sleep late. I was up for a very long time too. I fell asleep at almost 9 AM and slept 10 solid hours until 7 PM. Guess I was exhausted cuz I very seldom ever sleep that long.

Tom and I chatted and fooled around. He also downloaded some pictures which I’m going to try to copy for kids’ computer coloring books.

Got my new SS card today as well as my license. This picture looks a bit better.

I sure got mail from Bob today. Like 12 pages’ worth. I also got a 2-page letter from Brian. Last night I copied some into #35. I’ll probably do more later.

Tom got a 1-month sample time/day planner in the mail today for the month of September. The thing a busy executive would use. It’s pretty neat, though, and we may get it for a whole year.

Tom went to bed at 10:00, then an hour later Andy came over. He brought chocolate-covered nuts from Joan and 7 tapes for me to tape his soaps. He leaves tomorrow at 2:30.

I’m doing laundry and hanging stuff out on the line. It’s fun and I don’t mind. Plus it saves us a little bit of money by not using the dryer. It’s just something else to do.

I did my workout with the 3 weights.

I’m psyched for Phase 2 on Saturday.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 18, 1994 I did a little editing. On one of my completed convo tapes, I have a convo with me and Nervous and another with me, Nerv and Fran. Both are so incredibly boring. Nervous is no fun in these convos cuz he was unusually calm and friendly, so right now I’m erasing them. I just run it through on play and record. This way it’s less confusing if I erase something I don’t want.

I just took my meds and boy do I like these time-release capsules better. They seem to work better. My stomach feels better being able to take these with food.

I think I’ll go decorate more envelopes in which Bob’s letters will be mailed.

Later…

I decorated one more envelope with my colored pencils.

I’m also erasing a portion of the other side of the tape. I’ll end up erasing one whole side, plus half of the other side.

I just had an idea. Well, every now and then I get in the mood to write but don’t really have much to write about. Journal #35 is only half full, so maybe I’ll go copy in there some letters I haven’t copied. I was using it for phone numbers, but there’s still plenty of room in #53 for phone numbers.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 17, 1994 Yesterday was Tammy’s 37th b-day. I spoke with her and she was telling me about some of the things she got.

Today I went for a doctor’s appointment and I got 11 refills on my meds! That’s a year’s supply. They gave me the Theodur in capsule form, rather than in tablets and the good news about it is that I can eat with it.

On 9/7 I’ll be going to an ear specialist to ask questions about my ear.

Not too much else is going on. I’m recording a movie for Tom right now and now I think I’ll go listen to tunes, then make a pot of tea.

Later…

I did my workout routine and in a little while from now, I’ll take a bath. I could use some freshening up.

I was just listening to some edits while I colored up a few more pages in here. Perhaps I’ll do more editing later. It has been a while and I have some ideas to try out.

Tom mentioned something about getting up early to do laundry as well as computer work. Maybe I’ll be up when he gets up. If I am, I hope he’s in the mood for fun. We haven’t had any in nearly two weeks cuz we’ve both been so busy.

Andy left a message earlier about coming over today to hang out by the pool. I called back to let him know that sounds good, but I may sleep late tomorrow. I’ll call him when I get up. He’s now officially on his vacation.

Well, that’s all for now. Now I’m going to go finish my tea and take a bath. I’ll write more later.

Later…

I decided not to take a bath right now. I just stopped the VCR from recording and now I’m not sure what I’ll do.

Tammy had said something about mailing off a letter Lisa wrote to me. I hope I get that tomorrow as well as letters from Bob and Kim.

When the fuck is our wedding pictures going to get here? If they don’t come this week, I’m calling Vegas to give them a piece of my mind.

Later…

I just did two drawings. Both were women. One’s OK, but the other’s a nightmare. Now, I’m finally going to do some editing.

Tom will be home any time now, but in the meantime, I thought I’d write. I got up at 1 PM today. Andy and I talked earlier. He’s rented a camcorder and may come over later after Tom’s gone to bed to film. I’d really like to film the house and my wall drawings to send to Tammy and my parents.

Earlier I also did some typing on #51.

I took a much-needed shower, brushed out and straightened my hair.

I don’t really have anything else to say right now. Just that I’m bored out of my mind. I hope Tom will be in the mood to play around when he gets home, but we’ll see. He’s probably going to be too tired.

I made up some fried shrimp a while ago. It was so good, but I’m still hungry, so I’ll go make up something else.

Later…

I thought Andy said he was coming over tonight, but he meant tomorrow night. Friday he takes off.

Tom’s going to call in sick from work tomorrow so he can do more work on the cooler and also do some computer programming.

This Saturday I begin Phase 2 of the Phase-Out program. I will have two holes punched into the filter.

Tomorrow I add the third weight to the leg and bun firmer as part of my workout program. I’m disappointed to have to say that when I was at the doctor’s office I was weighed at 104. I took my measurements a little while ago and here’s what they are: thighs 20½, hips 33½, waist 25¾. That sucks and I’d really like to reduce these measurements by 2-3 inches.

I tried Tom’s weekly experiment earlier. He bought instant coffee with a box of different flavors you add to the coffee. You don’t need to put milk or sugar in it. Well, I didn’t anyway. It was a little bitter and not what I’m used to. There was French Vanilla, Mocha Almond, Irish Crème, and Amaretto. The last two taste like cough syrup, but I’ll check them out. In the meantime, Tom won’t be buying it again. I remember during 1986-1988 when I used to see Nervous almost every day, the two of us were really into cinnamon coffee, but it was brewed. Not instant.

Well, I think I’ll go do other things for now and probably return later to write more.

MONDAY, AUGUST 15, 1994 Tom just got up, and believe it or not, I was playing a little guitar. I’m getting really tired, though, so I expect to go to sleep soon.

Later…

Got up at 1:30 today. I quickly spoke to Tammy. I sent her a message on Prodigy and I also wrote up the last 7 postcards (3-D) to my parents, Bob, Kim, Tammy & Bill, Lisa, Becky and Sarah.

Tom came home early from work beat and has gone to bed. Now I need to go pee and I may go for another swim.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 14, 1994 Tomorrow’s workout day. I do it every other day and I’m up to 2 weights out of the 4 on the thighs. I’ll be at 3 in a few days.

On the 20th, it’ll be time for Phase 2. That means 2 tiny holes in the filter for 2 weeks.

Last night I was playing around with the 3-D postcards. It blurred into a multi-level, but I still couldn’t see the hidden image.

I took my colored pencils and decorated Bob’s envelopes with different colors. Last night I colored the outsides of my next book. Instead of gold-trimmed pages on a few of my journals, I now have one with lots of colors. My next journal has no lines in it and I may use calligraphy pens from time to time.

I tried sleeping a while ago but had no luck.

I asked Larry again, and he did say that Ma wanted to ride with him. Probably just her, though, as Dad will stay behind with the dogs. Really? They know a million people. Can’t they find someone to dog-sit for them?

I’m really bummed that Tom couldn’t meet Larry and Jenny. I sure hope they can meet the next time. However, the next time around, the kids could be in school and Larry could maybe be by himself.

Well, now it is time for a very big jump. We’re going all the way to journal 76 now!

Later…

Got up at 10:30 today. I told Tom all about seeing Larry and Jenny. He’s now taking a nap.

Other than that, there’s not much else to tell. I was just watching some TV and now I’m kind of bored. Guess I’ll go do some computer work now.

Later…

Tom just got up a little while ago and I just got out of the tub. It rained here today and rain always makes me feel yucky. I’m now finally starting to wake up now that the sun has set and I took a bath to freshen up.

I recorded a movie earlier and in about 15 minutes I’m going to record another.

What else can I say? Well, I’m in the mood to write, but I just can’t think of anything to write about.

Later…

Tom just ran out to get smokes and right now I’m kind of frustrated. I slept till 11:30 today and I really wanted to get up at 8 AM every day. I’ll just have to make myself, even if it means 4 hours of sleep for a while. Not much else is going on at this point. I think I’ll just watch TV for a while. Later on, I may do some more writing.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 13, 1994 We got a killer electric bill today of $425. Ugh! I told Tom to just switch over to the EC and that I’ll just have to get used to it and keep adjusting to this climate as I’m going to live here for the rest of my life.

I got up today at 11:30 and so far all I’ve done is take a shower and type Kim a letter.

My brother still hasn’t called yet, so his visit here is still up in the air. I’ll put my face on soon, anyhow.

Tom’s working on getting the other EC in. Although they say it’s only 100º, it’s 37% humid, so it feels like 110º. It’s deathly hot and humid in the house, so I’m really looking forward to the other EC being installed.

I just put the fan full blast by the foot of the bed. Now I feel much better.

Tom’s taking a shower right now, then I’ll go put my face on.

Later…

I’m kind of bored right now, just passing time and seeing if Larry calls.

Tom’s out of the shower and he’s now watching TV. When he’s indoors, he’s pretty much either at the TV or the computer.

The humidity in here just knocked down my journal chart. That’s OK, though, cuz after I finish this book I’ll have to update it.

Tom��s not in the greatest mood right now cuz he’s very overworked and we may have company. Tom’s not really any more into company than I am.

Sometime tomorrow I’ll type a letter to my parents. What shall I do right now? Oh, I don’t know. Just be bored and lazy, I guess.

Later…

I wish my brother would hurry the fuck up and call if he’s coming. I hate waiting. I feel like I’m in a doctor’s office.

Later…

I guess my brother isn’t coming, so I’m going to go for a swim.

Later…

I went for that swim I needed. Yup, I did and now I feel much better. More so cuz we switched back to the AC. The EC makes it too damn humid in August. It felt like someone took a wet sheet, heated it up to 200º, then wrapped it around me. This is the very type of weather, climate, and feeling I wanted to escape from.

Still no call from Larry, so who knows where the hell they are?

I started a shopping list and tomorrow Tom’s going to shoot on over to the grocery store after work. He’ll be going in at 5 AM for 5-6 hours.

Later…

Tom went to bed a short while ago.

It feels so much better in here now that the AC is back on.

I think I’ll go type up a letter to my parents now.

Later…

Guess who was here an hour ago? Yup, Larry and Jenny. I really stressed it upon him to call first and I’m bummed Tom couldn’t meet them. He said they were scouting the area when he recognized and remembered the way. They were only here for a little while, but it was so good to see them. Jenny’s only 2” shorter than me and boy is her hair long! It’s down to her lower butt. She looks a lot like Sandy. She’s skinny, but her face is very plain. Larry’s hair is now as long as Tom’s and he had it in a ponytail.

Tom and I may go to see his parents tomorrow.

I typed a 3-page letter to my parents. I had just finished printing it out when they came, so I quickly added on the back of their letter that they had just come.

I asked Larry if he still wanted Tom to write down directions and he said he’d remember. They’re now heading for Arkansas, then to Mom and Dad’s. I’ll eventually get to see Sandy and Larry.

Later…

I’m wide awake and probably will be for a while.

I forgot to check Prodigy for any mail I might have gotten. I’ll do that now, then I’ll go watch some TV.

I hope Lisa got her tapes by now and enjoys them.

I forgot to mention that in Larry’s truck were many boxes of whipped cream. Guess that’s just what he was delivering. They also had a very very small dog with them. It was so cute and I very fearlessly picked her up. Brandy’s her name. That seems to be a popular name for animals.

Later…

I just watched a little TV and went for another swim.

I haven’t checked Prodigy yet cuz I’m getting kind of tired, believe it or not. I know, though, that I’ll be up for several more hours.

A little while ago I had a sneezing fit. Tom said he thinks I may need antibiotics. I agree. I know what I need right now. A nice hot steaming cup of coffee. I haven’t had any at all today.

Later…

This visit went so much better, not that the first one with Larry alone was bad, but everyone was so relaxed. I can now really see what I’ve always figured. I’m his favorite sister. That makes me feel good, but sad for Tammy. If my brother was given two choices, one being to be paid to see Tammy, the other paying to see me, he’d pay to see me.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 12, 1994 Got two letters from Kim today and I also spoke to my parents. It’s their 43rd anniversary. I told them their present would soon be on its way. The figurines are done now. All I have to do is pack and ship them and pray they arrive there in one piece.

Larry called today. He was in Phoenix, but couldn’t find his way here. Jenny was with him. He said if they found their way here, I could’ve gone with them to CA and returned home tomorrow. Sounds cool but I wouldn’t want to just suddenly desert Tom. They’re going to try to stop by tomorrow in the late afternoon. That’d be even better, so Tom could meet them, too. I talked to Jenny for a few minutes, too. Larry said he may bring Mom out and that she wants to ride with him. When? I don’t know.

I finished my project in #71.

Later…

I’m still up, but not for long. I went for a swim a little while ago.

I got a 3½-page letter ready to go out to Bob on Monday. Over the weekend, I’ll type letters to Kim and my folks. I did a little typing on #51.

Spoke with Andy who’s psyched at the thought of having only 6 more days till he goes home. He had planned on stopping to see Tammy, but now he’s not sure if he’ll have the time to do so.

He really liked the 3-D postcard I sent him and he wants to get some, too. My dad said he’s still trying to figure his out.

I’ve got some color now, but I really wish I had the color that Tom and Andy have.

You know what I should do right now? While I’m still waiting to get even more tired than I am, I should write as many names as I can think of in case I ever do end up doing an autobiography. I still doubt I ever will, but I’ll try to go beyond those 48 names a few pages back. Even if I barely knew them, knew them long, or if they’re jerks, good people or both. I remember some people’s names and what they looked like but there are also so many people’s faces I see, but I can only remember their first or last names only.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 11, 1994 Well, today’s Nervous’s birthday. Andy asked if I was going to call him. What’s the point? Crystal will just hog the phone and not let us talk. With Crystal and the distance between us, it’ll never be like old times. He’s a closed chapter now.

Tomorrow’s my parent’s anniversary, so I’ll call there tomorrow. I finished their figurines as well as Tammy’s.

Tomorrow’s also asshole Fran’s birthday. I still can’t believe he hasn’t called, but tomorrow he may try thinking I’ll be all sweet and friendly to him just cuz it’s his b-day. He’ll have thought wrong, though, cuz I’ll hang up on him.

I called SS and someone was supposed to call me back, but never did. What else is new with them?

Tonight I’m recording 6 hours’ worth of TV for times I get bored or lazy.

Today Andy was over. We were out by the pool where I got more color.

I got no mail today, but we mailed out more of those 3-D postcards. I began two pages of Bob’s letter and by Monday I’ll finish that as well as do one for Kim and my parents. I’ll be back to write more later.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 10, 1994 Just thought I’d take a break from the project I’ve been working on to get up to date on some of the things that have been going on. First of all, the major project I’m working on is in #71. I’ve randomly picked 48 people that I’m writing 2 pages about. Of course, I couldn’t pick everyone, so I just chose the first 48 people I could think of. Some of them are negative, positive, or both. Some I knew briefly, some all my life. Some are family, friends and acquaintances, lovers and enemies.

BOL #11 is done and from now on, all letters will go in a 3-ring binder or a manila envelope. I have a grand total of 293 letters! With the ones I haven’t copied, I know I’m just over the 300-mark! Wow! That’s a lot of letters.

Anyway, it’s a real sauna outside and very quiet. Tom said he thinks they took off next door a couple of days ago. He said the kids were all in the van and they were putting in boxes. Yeah, I think they did take off somewhere. Cool.

Yesterday I went to get a new license with my new name. They took another picture and I hope this one came out better.

We went to SS for a new SS card in the new name. He had to get a new one too, cuz he lost his a while ago.

Speaking of SS I called them today to find out what the hell’s going on. Am I on it or off it? She said I’m listed as on it, but I’ve got to call back tomorrow to talk to someone else. Like Tom said, if someone wants to give me money, I’ll take it.

Later…

I just did some laundry, so now I can write some more. Yesterday we ordered these colorful splash labels that say Tom & Jodi Lin S. Also a Post-it pad of paper. That says, Tom & Mystery.

We picked up two of the same kinds of figurines of a cactus with a narrow flowerpot behind it. One’s for Tammy for her birthday and the other is for my parents for their anniversary. I ran out of paints, though, so it’s delayed. I sent them cards saying that their gifts would be late. Tammy, who I talked to today, asked if I sent them anything and said she just sent a card. I gave her one hint about her gift and theirs. I said “paint” and she asked why she’d need paint. She asked if it was a picture. I said no, then quickly changed the subject. She’s no doubt going nuts trying to figure out what the hell it is.

I thought of a neat way to test my parent’s reaction if I ever was pregnant. Next April I’ll tell them I am as an April’s fool joke. If they flip, then I won’t ever talk to them if I ever do get pregnant for real. What if I were before April? Well, I’d really like Tom to be the one to tell them, but since he may not want to, I’m sure Tammy will.

Tammy asked how come Tom never calls her, but maybe we’ll surprise her one of these days. I told Tammy it works both ways. Bill’s never called me and he’s always welcomed to. Then again, I really don’t care for the guy.

Later…

My project’s 2/3 of the way done. Tom said he thought it was an excellent idea and that if he were teaching a writing class he’d tell his class to choose 20 people and write 2 pages about each one. That’s cool. I thought he’d think it rather strange if anything at all.

He may be a half-hour late this week as he’s stopping to feed his sister’s dog. She and Dave are in CA. He’ll also be leaving a half hour early before work to go feed the dog and let it out. I’m just kind of waiting for him now.

I guess I’m all up to date with everything. Gotta go get my jeans and Vegas tie-dye shirt off the line.

Later…

OK, I got my stuff off the line. The animals next door are there. I could hear them, but very faintly.

I am wondering if having my own child would impact the way next door annoys me. I believe the reason for this is that if you constantly hear your own children, it becomes difficult to distinguish them from others. Additionally, most people prefer the sounds of their own children over those of someone else’s.

Later…

I just heard the phone ring, but I figured it was just Andy calling to say hi, so I didn’t answer. It was a message from Tom, though. He’s at Mary’s and he’s going to be home between 7:30-7:45. I’ll have dinner ready for him either way. I made up cheese noodles with bacon bits and I’ll also make him two hot dogs.

I got a letter from Bob today and this time around he did something new. He addressed it to both of us.

I did my workout today and now I’ve got 2 weights in the thigh holder. In 2 weeks, I’ll be up to 4, the total amount.

I’m still on Phase 1 out of 4 until the 20th.

I did dishes, watered my plant outside, and that’s pretty much it.

Earlier today I had a sneezing fit for the first time in ages, but it was nothing compared to what I used to go through back East. Then, after that, I had the runs. I’m fine now, though. Last night Tom showed me a very easy way to print pictures and I did several. Today I was going to do some more, but I couldn’t get it started. Oh well.

Later…

Tom’s home now eating his dinner and when he’s done we’re going to chat for a while. I’m kind of horny and hoping for fun, but if he’s too tired I’ll understand.

MONDAY, AUGUST 8, 1994 Last night I’m sure the whole city of Phoenix was woken up by the massive thunderstorm we had. It woke Tom and I up sometime at 2 AM. It was really booming out there. I wished it was going on, though, when I was awake to see it. I like how I’m sure it woke them up next door.

Andy was probably pissed at being woken up and not up able to see it and enjoy it. He loves storms.

Well, I have 4 pieces of mail going out. A letter to Kim, a letter to Bob, Tammy’s b-day card, and my parent’s anniversary card.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 7, 1994 I have a million things to write about, but I’ve just been extremely busy to do so. Andy was over last Thursday and Friday. We hung out back by the pool, got some color and typed letters.

Yesterday I got a long 5-page letter from Bob. Also, my Phase-Out system came! I’m really psyched about it, too. It’s an 8-week program. Every 2 weeks you punch in 2 perforations into the filter with little tiny sharp needles.

Last Friday I taped The Guardian in SP. Luckily it came out just fine, but Andy kindly taped it as a backup.

It’s been peacefully quiet around here and Tom and I swam this weekend.

He and I are doing great and yesterday we had some serious fun sexually. It has become so easy for him to get in me and I’ve really loosened up. Today we didn’t have time for fun, but tomorrow we’ll make the time.

Yesterday, besides hot sex, we went out shopping. He got a computer book and some other stuff. I got 3 new journals, this pen I’m writing with, and also a purple one.

Also, 3-D postcards. When you look at them they’re all different kinds of pretty colors and patterns till you see the hidden image. It’s like stereo for your eyes. Tom’s mastered the technique, but so far I’ve only been able to see one postcard, plus a moving one he downloaded on the computer. There were 30 postcards. We’re sending 1 to David & Evie and I’m using the rest cuz he couldn’t think of anyone else to send them to. I’m sending 1 to Andy, 4 to my parents, 4 to Tammy & Bill, 4 to Lisa, 4 to Becky, 4 to Sarah, 4 to Kim and 4 to Bob. I put the postcard stubs and stuck a few at the back of this book. Mostly I put them in numbers 4 & 14.

Well, I’m totally beat now, so if I’ve forgotten anything I’ll write it in tomorrow.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 6, 1994 OK, now I finally have about an hour to write.

I just remembered that today’s that asshole Rosemarie’s birthday. I think she’s 30.

Gotta do my 1-2-3 workout today. The exercises are 20 minutes and the warm-up and cool-down take 10 minutes, so that’s 30 minutes total. I love the back and tummy supporter as well as the wrist weights. They’re great for when I’m sitting up typing.

I called my sister that day to tell her all about it, then got to talking with Lisa. She sang part of Get on Your Feet by Gloria and oh my God! That kid can really sing. She’s going to be great when she gets older. She already has vibrato. I didn’t get that till I was 22 and she’s only 11. Tammy says if that’s what she wants to do, she’ll support it. Thank God she’s not as negative as she used to be or is like Mom who was very discouraging. So, anyway, Lisa went on to tell me she wanted Gloria’s Spanish tape but had no money, so I made 3 tapes of Gloria’s best stuff.

I made 1 Spanish tape and 2 in English and I even put the voice exercises on that Bill made.

Now I’m going to go listen to music, but I’ll continue on later.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 4, 1994 I certainly have news to write about, but I’m so very tired now that I may not get into too much detail.

Yesterday my Tone-up 1-2-3 finally came and I love it! It’s the best method I’ve ever done. Clean-cut and simple. You do it 30 minutes every other day. I’ll expand more on it tomorrow.

I also talked to my parents. Ma asked if the shirt fits Tom, did he like the baseball, does he like sports, what kind of car does he have, what year is it, and do I drive it?

I talked to Dad, too.

I’ll write about Lisa and the tapes I’m sending her some other time.

Andy was here today and we were out back. I got some color and he may be over tomorrow, too.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 3, 1994 Got a letter from Bob yesterday as well as a wedding card and a letter from Alex.

I typed Alex a letter, but I won’t send Kim and Bob’s letter until Monday. I figured I’d send Kim and Bob letters every Monday and every other Monday I’ll send letters to my parents. I’ll send messages to Tammy whenever I’ve got something to say.

Our US West bill came yesterday. Amazingly enough, there were no calls billed from Fran. We’ll have to see how the next bill is and check the Sprint bill when it comes.

Fran also hasn’t called. What luck, huh? I really didn’t think he’d go down so easily. He’s not easy to shake off.

Yesterday we went down to a Social Security office. We didn’t have enough documents for proof, so we took forms with us. However, we can’t mail photocopies of documents, so we’ll go there again next Tuesday.

This Saturday I’ll probably get more journals.

Later…

Now I’m sitting at my blue card table, instead of laying on the bed.

I brought the old lamp I made in middle school in a woodshop in here and it’s now on the table. I just got up to wash the lampshade cuz it was filthy. I wish the lampshade weren’t so dark. I’d like to get a white one. The lampshade’s now drying out by the fan so I don’t end up getting zapped.

Tom will be getting up real soon. He has to work the next 3 days.

There was a surprise from him when I woke up. A huge poster of a still shot from our wedding video. It’s really cool. Sort of grainy, but if you stand a little further away, it looks so cool.

Yesterday we began our first task as far as shaping up the back room goes. We picked out tools that I may need, especially cuz he’ll have tools he uses in the back little room and the garage. He put up a pegboard on the door where the hot water tank and the washer are. It’s in this little square area between the garage and kitchen doorway. The other kitchen doorways are off the living room and off the back room, but that one’s more like an archway. I believe there were once sliding glass doors there before the back room was added on. Anyway, on the pegboard, we put screwdrivers (regular and Philips), a hammer, a pair of pliers, a broom, and a duster. I hung the mop up on a holder that was already there.

It’s 6:02 now and I think I hear his alarm. If he doesn’t come out by 6:05, I’ll go make sure he’s up.

Thanks to a commercial on TV, I learned something new. I have feminine powder, and I’d sit back on the toilet and try to stick some down there but when I’d sit up it’d go all over. Well, this time around I put it in my underwear. The tip came just in time as I got my period and it really helps keep me dryer.

Tom’s up so I’ll see ya!

Later…

Tom showed me changes he made with the picture printing program and now he’s eating hot dogs and watching the news.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 2, 1994 Boy, was I busy yesterday. I busted my ass cleaning the bathroom, scrubbing the kitchen floor and doing laundry. I washed the little rugs in the kitchen and bathroom and the curtains seem like they shrunk, though. Before I washed the curtains, I touched up the soundproofing stuff in the windows. There are tons of gaps in them, so I shoved in cotton balls and the last of the silver foil labels. Lots of the labels had fallen when I woke up. Instead of all the work wearing me out, it pumped my adrenaline, so I ended up being up for 20 hours when I finally knocked off at around 4 PM. I got up shortly after midnight. I’m still a bit tired.

Later…

Larry called yesterday. He started off by saying he was down the street and wanted to come over. I thought, holy shit! I’ve been up so long and look like hell. He was only kidding, though, and was at Mom and Dad’s in Florida. He said his plans are all fouled up, but he still hopes to get out here this summer. I told him all about my unpredictable schedule and why I understood that oh so well. He said Larry’s done riding with him for the summer cuz he has to go to school early cuz of Band or something like that.

Jenny just got back from camp, so she’ll go on the road with him. I hope to meet up with all of them eventually, but right now Larry’s done traveling alone.

I finally remembered to ask his age which I figured was between 38-40, but like most of us in the family, he looks younger. He was teasing me by saying I look 14. He saw our wedding video, and I thought, oh no! He said it was very good and I didn’t look fat.

He’s still looking forward to meeting Tom and when I said how blessed I was, cuz most guys are jerks, he jokingly goes, “I’m a slut.”

I don’t think that was a joke, though, at one time and I said I probably would have been too if I were a guy.

He also mentioned my possibly going with him on his rig maybe to CA for a few days. In the meantime, he doesn’t know when he’s coming, but I told him what Tom’s days off were.

MONDAY, AUGUST 1, 1994 Tom got up an hour ago. He slept for 12 hours. Lucky him. I wish I’d done that, too.

I was just playing with Piggy while he was working on his computer program.

I just did another huge round of journal housekeeping. I took out address labels that were in the wrong books. I wish I didn’t stick the stickers I just stuck in this book (4 of them). Why? Cuz I have so much doodling on the front and back covers of so many journals, especially in the beginning that it’d be nice to cover it. Well, I’ll be getting these TV dinners regularly, so little by little I’ll cover them.

Tom just came in and closed the air duct in my closet, so no spiders can come down.

Later…

Yesterday I didn’t do too much. I watched the women’s gymnastics and a movie I taped when I got up.

Tomorrow we’re going to go get my name changed with SS and also discuss the letter SSI sent. I still need to call the Registry of Motor Vehicles too.

[prttydolls]

book switch ¦¦ draco malfoy

𝗌𝗎𝗆𝗆𝖺𝗋𝗒 ¦¦ what happens when you switched books with the boy you liked?

𝗐𝖺𝗋𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀/𝘴 ¦¦ books getting switched,mutual pinning, cheesy love confession, mention of proms.

𝖼𝗁𝖺𝗋 𝗂𝗇𝖿𝗈 ¦¦ f!reader, any house!reader, 5th year, your house = y/h/n, pureblood!reader

𝖺𝗎𝗍𝗁𝗈𝗋𝗌 𝗇𝗈𝗍𝖾 ¦¦ HAHAH!! I found how to make the font, and now this will be my new format for writing 🤍 also; i switched the whole plot of the fic 🤥

love, is such a funny feeling isn't it?

you feel like you have a million butterflies fluttering in your stomach, whenever you see him. draco malfoy. Whenever he looks at your direction you blush and get so shy. you feel like you were being cupids target everyday, but it's only you..

You try doing everything to make him notice you, but he never said anything, and didn't even look at you.

Iittle do you know, he did notice.

·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ ✩. ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙

“im just saying maya, CHICKENS were here first not eggs.” your friend, alisa argued. “Tch, then where did it come from?” maya scoffed.

“eh, your right... but—” before alisa could finish you barged into the dorm. “YOU GUYS! THERE'S A BALL HAPPENING NEXT WEEK!” you excitedly squeled.

“wait really? How did you know?” maya asked putting her novel away. “well, I saw some 6th years talking about it and got a poster from them.” you explained as you handed them the poster.

the poster had blue background with two people dancing, with big bold letters on top and bottom “WINTER BALL

4TH TO 7TH YEARS ARE ALOUD

BEING HELD ON THE GREAT HALL

COME JOIN US ON DECEMBER 23 6PM

*please bring a date.*”

“eeek! im so excited!” alisa giggled adoring the poster. “i know! but my only problem is, i dont have a date..” you sighed. “you should try asking out draco..” maya suggested.

“me? ask him? nah, i bet he doesn't know i exist!” you whined flopping down onto your bed.

“oh, cmon just atleast tryy?” Alisa shook your body. “eh, fine....” you said with a muffled voice.

·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ ✩ . ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙

you woke up the next day, as usual.

got into your y/h/n uniform fixed yourself in the mirror, got breakfast, and checked out some books at the library.

you were a tidy person.

you were thinking about the ball again, maybe you could ask draco. but you doubt that he knows you. but who didn't know you ? you were a y/h/n prefect and not to mention head girl for y/h/n.

“ouch! hey watch where you—” draco cursed, shit you bumped into him, making all your books mixed up with his. and whats worse you BOTH had one same colored notebook.

“oh hi y/n, here— let me help you.”

wait what?!

he fucking knew YOUR NAME?!

“its o-okay, i can do i. thank you d-draco” you stuttered, while grabbing your books clumsily, and accidentally unkowningly grabbing his diary. and rushed off to your friends.

·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ ✩. ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙

“okayy, what a day. atleast ill doodle at the end of the day.” you sighed and grabbed your green notebook, as you opened the cover you noticed something different.

it wasn't your doodles, it was words. huh— you couldn't help but read the pages, the first page was from 1st year.

i got sorted into Slytherin, and my father gifted me an expensive quill for getting slytherin, during the ceremony i saw this really pretty girl she got sorted into y/h/n tho, i heard from the other student's her name was y/n y/l/n. ill send a letter to my mother, to ask her if the ‘y/l/ns are purebloods?’ just to make sure.

he knew me from the very beginning?! what the hell was going on!?

as you read more and more into the pages, of course you didn't read anything personal. you only searched for your name. and what caught your eye the most was the recent page.

the ball was coming up, and i wish i could take y/n out, but she probably already HAS one .. i wish it was me. i wonder what would she wear, and how she would look like. i personally think she would look like a princess or an angel. i mean she is an angel. i see how she blush and looks away shyly when i shoot her a smile. im such a pussy for not asking her out. I'm planning to, ill hope that she didn't have a date yet. anyways this week was—

he thought i was an angel? oh holy merlin— and HE WAS GONNA ASK ME OUT?! SOMEONE PLEASE WAKE ME UP!

you blushed so hard, but you suddenly realized you need to give this back to him.. it was wrong that you read his diary, but you need to be honest with him.

First thing tomorrow, ill give it back

·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ ✩. ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙

You woke up excitedly, and ran down as fast as you could to the slytherin dorms.

You were anxious and excited at the same time, was draco gonna be upset? Was he gonna hex you that you read his PERSONAL diary? Now you were nervous..

“there you are.” a cold voice spoke up.

you jumped and slowly turned around to see none other than, draco malfoy holding YOUR doodle book— you were thinking i didn't draw anything stupid right?? WAIT! i forgot i drew him shit shit shit.

“well, looks like we got our books switched up. and I've got to say, you are such an amazing artist.” draco smirked.

“oh- well i- thank you?” you mentally slapped your self, you literally said thank you as a question. “and i assumed you read my diary?” he added.

he didn't look mad, he looked awfully calm.

“yes, BUT! i only read the things you thought about me and—” you started to ramble, and apologized to him, he laughed at you. not a mean laugh, but more of a flattered laugh.

“its alright, now here is your book and ill take mine.” he chuckled, you swore you saw a blush forming his pale cheeks.

“can i ask you one thing though draco..?” you asked cautiously. “hm, sure?”

“is your feelings true? that- you like me i mean..” you slowly backed away from him, Draco's eyes widened. “well- yes.. i had since 3rd year..” he smiled nervously. you never seen this side of him, so nervous, giggly, calm, and he blushed?

“i like- you too draco... i honestly thought you didn't know who i am..” you threw him a giddy smile, he walked closer and closer until he got you cornered into the wall. you couldn't help but lean in and kiss him.

shit— YOU JUST KISSED HIM! you were about to pull away but he kissed back to, after about 2 or 3 minutes of making out, draco lets out a breathy laugh and says;

“since you've read my diary without my consent, will you go to the winter ball with me as a punishment.?”

“id love too.”

𝖳𝖺𝗀𝗅𝗂𝗌𝗍 :: @dracoslittleangel @imabee-oralizard @f4iryluvy @lilytoyourjames @siriusblackstwin

[sailorhyunjinz]

~ 𝐈𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐬 ~

𝘞𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 ; chan x fem!reader, bonnie&clyde!au, criminal!au, 60′s!au, bank robbery, heavy use of tobacco, explicit language,weaponry, mentions of infidelity, manipulation, mentions of murder, mentions of reader being smaller than chan, mentions of religious beliefs, authorities, american style!au, death, implied su-cide. 

𝘯𝘴𝘧𝘸 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 ; SMUT!! sex against a wall (lmao good warning there cherry), dom!chan x sub!fem!reader, angry sex, dry humping, degradation, blowjob, face fucking, rough sex, dacryphilia, choking, possessiveness, implied corruption kink, creampie, unprotected sex (be careful plz), piv, clitorial stimulation, orgasm (m/f), cum. 

𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 ; 5.9 k 

𝘕𝘰𝘵𝘦 ; this was heavily inspired by both well bonnie and clyde but also “the serpent” because holy fuck i loved that serie so much 

also warning right; this is purely fiction and not meant to romanticise crime and i think it’s pretty obvious that i don’t know shit about how to rob a bank neither do i know anything about weapons,,, so take this with a grain of salt.

𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥.

𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘰𝘧 18

It was love. Love had led you down this path and shattered the one you cared the most about, the one that held your hand, the one that promised to die for you. Silence filled your mind as you stroked his cold cheek, his eyes closed. 

Your partner in crime.

Bang Chan.

“Tonight, coming up on channel 4, the continuation of the Lagoons.”

You turned the knob on the car radio, the windows on the silver vauxhall viva rolled down, your hair fluttering in the light breeze that accompanied the summer heat. The voice on the radio got distorted as you shifted channels, the antenna on the car barely being able to pick up signal from how far out in the desolate area the two of you were.

“Who the fuck watches the lagoons?” you said, furrowing your eyebrows, searching for some funky tunes as Chan was driving, one hand on the steering wheel, the other resting on his thigh. He laughed, the cigarette smoke whiffing over to you, burning at the tip and hanging out of the corner of his mouth. 

“Where we heading, sweet cakes?” he asked, cocking his eyebrows and checking himself out in the rearview mirror. You scoffed, adjusting the silk scarf around your head and reaching into the glove compartment of the light colored interior of the car, grabbing the half empty cigarette box. 

“Don’t call me that, I’m married” you say, the flicker of the metal zippo echoing, a purple flame igniting and burning the white end of the cigarette in your mouth, the orange part quickly stained by your lipstick. Chan smirked, casting a glance at you as you puffed, putting the lighter on the dashboard and leaning back against the leather seats, exhaling the smoke through the window as you observed the mountains that passed you, sweltering heat making your vision blur.

“And still you fuck me. What’s he good for? Cheating on you? You should just throw that ring away, I’ll buy you a new one”

The ring.

You and your ex-husband never officially divorced. You just packed up your things and left one night when he was out drinking, probably snogging a woman younger his age. The emerald ring that he once put on your finger held no meaning, it was simply for aesthetic now. Memorabilia from when life was worse, reminding you to always strive for something better. It was ironic, the way the sun shined on the emerald green symbolizes wealth and toxic jealousy. You couldn’t help but to feel jealous of the many young women he spent his nights with. You thought you had moved on but maybe you hadn’t since you refused to let go of the ring. Thank god you didn’t have his child or else you’d be tied down for life. You escaped at the right time. 

You didn’t answer Chan, simply staring out at the window. The car zoomed past with speed, there was no time for resting since you two were the infamous criminals that could be captured at any moment, it was still a miracle you were alive and well despite how many times you’ve been in open fire with the authorities. The two of you always managed and had each other in the end and the plethora of guns that were loaded in the trunk could buy you freedom for a little while. A gritty highway that never seemed to end, the tumbleweeds rolling about in the distance, he searched for a place you could rest since dusk would soon arrive. Life as a runaway couple had it’s ups and downs but the worst part of it was not knowing if you would survive another day, cops could just arrest you, rip you from your lover and lock you up like you were once before, writing love letters to Chan on a filthy piece of paper until you were bailed out by none other than your mother that you abandoned for him. They didn’t understand. He might be a criminal, stealing cars with his older brother since he admired his fancy lifestyle with hookers, expensive liquor and gold. He was so close until he stumbled up to you through a mutual friend and fell head over heels, he was too much of a hopeless romantic for him to be able to lead such a lifestyle. 

A big sign was ahead of you, a small red building inching closer to the two of you. Sure, it wasn’t the safest place, anyone could call the authorities on you but luckily telecommunications weren’t that advanced out here, most of the news being the ones you heard from between others lips. You two were simply a married couple whatever new village you infiltrated or at least that’s what people thought, the two of you were simply well-off, being able to afford the most expensive cigars and perfumes. The cigarette had burned down, almost meeting your plush lips that were covered in the latest lipstick. You threw it out the window, Chan had done the same moments prior. 

“What you say, hm? How about here for tonight?” he asked in a low voice, his hair slicked to the side, his jaw clenching as he rested his head on the headrest, looking at you with a quick glance with a smile. He always smiled when he gazed at you, it was almost a reflex. He was too smitten with love. You nodded, grabbing your oval sunglasses from the seat in between you and Chan, putting them on and observing yourself in the exterior mirror. Now you were ready for greetings with strangers, hiding behind your dark tinted shades.

The young man swerves onto the dusty driveway, the dust billowing from behind the car as stones flew everywhere, the car coming to a hasty halt. Your back bounced against the seat, removing your safety belt and opening the car door, stepping out with your shining red heels. The hotel seemed kinda small, perfect place for two sought-after criminals to hide. The building was a cherry red, tacky curtain in mustard yellow covering the chipped white window frames that held up the grimy glass panes. It lied in a remote place, being the only building as far as the eyes could see, beside the hotel there was a kiosk where one could buy the most basic necessities like bread, milk and cigarettes. As you were looking around the place, standing with your feet wide and your hand on your hip, Chan was busy unpacking the car. Not the weapons that were nicely hidden beneath a blanket but your two small briefcases containing nothing more than a couple of expensive clothes, makeup, a small notebook of your poems, a camera and photos of relatives. As you observed the mountainous landscape and dry land where cactuses made their home a small old man hurried out, dressed in a half-dingy suit and vest, the colorful tie being the main focus.

“Welcome welcome!” he says in a scurried voice. “Please, let me!” The old man shuffled over to Chan, grabbing the briefcases out of his grasp to which Chan bowed subtly in thankfulness. You and him followed the man inside through a lime green door and were greeted by the lobby that had a dark oak check-in counter, decorated with small trinkets of older times, a golden clock and small piles of paper. The man put down the bags in front of the desk, you casting a glance at Chan that was looking at the keys and the tags attached on the walls on small hooks.

“How long will you be staying for?” the man asked to which Chan hummed, looking at you before clearing his throat and answering - “Just one night”

“alrighty hmmm,,, then I’m guessing a double bed would suit your fancy? You do make a lovely couple indeed” he said with a smile, showing off his yellow stained teeth, years of coffee and tobacco. You smiled, clenching your jaw in frustration. 

“Thank you, which room exactly?” you said quickly, wanting the old man to hurry his actions. He looked back, exposing his half-balding grey head of hair and stretched for a pair of keys at the top, the keys jingling as he put them on the desk. 

“Room 4, it’s just here by the side. That will be 30 dollars” he said, writing something down on a piece of paper. Chan opened one of the luggages, quickly pulling out the needed amount and tips out from one of many wads of cash that were neatly tucked away between clothes and other products. He put the green bills on the desk to which the old man heightened his eyebrows, the generous tip falling to his liking. 

“Keep the change” Chan said with a smile, picking up the briefcases and heading to the room. You smiled at the old man as well, picking up the keys and turning to head over to your lover. 

You put the keys in the lock of the brittle wooden door, a small golden plate saying ‘4′ with a clear font. As the door opened you were met by a rather rustic room, the walls colored light blue and the bed frame the same wood as the door, murky white duvet covers on the bed. Luckily it was just one night.

Chan started packing up your belongings, mainly picking up a map of the area that he bought at a supermarket hours prior. He unfolded the bunt of paper, laying it flat on a vanity that had a round mirror attached in front. He placed his index finger harshly on a certain point on the map, his fingers clad in all kinds of rings with jewels. 

“Here we are, Johnsons motel, right?” You nodded at his question, him continuing talking in a firm voice. “So if we take this route tomorrow at around 9 am we should be there by 10:50 am which is perfect, we c-” You interrupted him mid sentence.

“Chan, you told me we weren’t gonna do this until next week, we have money!” you yelled, only then remembering that the walls are thin in such a matured building. He sighed, turning to gaze at you with dark eyes. He hated it when you contradicted him, it was almost like he was addicted to making you his slave and sure, he did take care of you whenever you were hurt due to his actions but he liked having you totally dependent on him, risking your life for him. The veins running down his arms got bolder, he moved the arm that was holding him up from the vanity instead standing right in front of you with a wide stance, his eyebrows heightened.

“What did you say?”

Your back hit the tasteless blue wallpaper as Chan walked towards you, trapping you between the wall and his muscular figure. A harsh gulp descended down your esophagus as you gazed intently into his hooded eyes, yours twinkling with mere innocence though you were far from innocent in the eyes of the public. He looked you up and down, almost swearing with his eyes, gliding his tongue against the inside of his cheek. 

“I said why can’t we just wait with that for a bit? We robbed multiple stores last week and we have money? I don’t see why you need to hurry so, like fuck s-”

“So you think money grows on trees? We do this together y/n and I could just leave you whenever, I’d just laugh seeing your ass trying to survive”

He leaned closer to your ear, his body pressed against yours. His hot breath lingered near you, tickling the shell of your ear.

“Or better yet I could kill you, no one needs a criminal” 

His voice vibrated through you, the deep tone scaring you but oddly turning you on, the heat pooling around your core, your panties sticking to the thin fabric of your panties. You burst into laughter, catching him off guard.

“You motherfucker” you said through your teeth, smiling brightly at him. 

“I don’t like this attitude you’re giving me y/n, I’m not joking with you” he said with a devilish smirk, moving away from your ear and staring into your soul. It was almost as if he stared through you, his jaw moving as he clenched it.

“Does it look like I’m joking?” your facial expressions turned serious in seconds, the smile wiping off your face. You looked him dead in the eyes, not even flinching when he smashed the rough palm of his hand on the wall next to your head, the loud sound echoing in the cool room, the slight humming of the air conditioner above the bed.

“No and you won’t be after I fuck you” 

You wanted to rile him up even more, get him so angry that he had no other choice but to pin you against the wall and stuff his cock so far down your leaking cunt that you’d alert the other guests around the motel, hearing how good Chan fucks you. 

“Hah,,, is that your only threat?” you chuckled mockingly, running your pointer finger up his toned chest, lifting up his head by his chin and flicking your finger off it, striking a jeering smile at him. His knee traveled up your leg, jabbing at your wet clothed entrance to which you accidentally moan, the gain of friction finally arriving when your core was burning with pure arousal as Chan spoke. With a gleaming look in your eyes you rubbed against his knee, his slightly cold hands wrapping around your neck, feeling your larynx bob when you swallow your spit, not breaking eye contact for a second. His lips landed on yours, pushing his knee against your sex causing you to moan into the kiss as you rolled your hips on the flat surface of his dress pants. Your lips pursed, teasingly biting his bottom lip as a sign that you needed him, his tongue slipping into your mouth and danced around with yours in a sloppy battle. Your hands fumbled with the big metal buckle of his belt, undoing it in desperation and unzipping the black pants that covered his bottom half. Chan grunted as you palmed him through his boxers, his erection begging to be freed from it’s clothed prison, you squeezed his member, massaging it in your hands to make his knees weak, make him beg for you but this time you would be begging for him as he placed removed his knee from your dripping cunt causing you to whine from the loss of contact. 

“C-chan, please I need you” you pleaded in a thin voice, lifting your head up as his kiss diverted to your neck, his rough lips leaving kiss after kiss on the sensitive skin, moving down to your exposed collarbones. 

“You’ll only get what you want if you do whatever I ask you to”

You nodded eagerly, putting your hands down his boxers and stroking his cock, Chan groaning against the skin of your neck near your ear, your earrings rattling. 

“Yes, I’ll do anything! J-just fuck me already” you whimpered, your hot cheek against the wall. 

“Then you follow your little ass to the bank tomorrow and do what you are told, understood?” His voice was deep, humming as he nibbled on your ear, giving it small kitten licks.

“And if I don’t?” You challenged him for a last time, stopping your slow strokes down the shaft of his twitching dick and removing your hands from his underwear and instead wrapping your arms around his waist. He scoffs, pulling back and looking you in the eyes, slowly putting his hand around your throat and tightening.

“I’ll choke you to death, you know I’ll get away with it” he said with a lifeless smirk. You nodded in pure fear, your eyes twinkling in the minimal light that came from the sun setting outside the dusty windows. Suddenly his hands grasp a handful of your hair, gripping it by the roots and shoving you down on your knees that land on the frangible floorboards with a thump. He harshly lets go of your hair in order to pull down his pants and underwear, his hard veiny cock springing free mere inches from your saliva coated lips. Chan gave his cock a couple of strokes before rubbing the crimson tip against your lips, hissing when you poke your tongue out, him smearing his precum against the surface of your wet tongue. You pursed your lips around him, slowly working your way down his shaft, taking a breath of air every time you pull away, licking the underside of his dick with fat stripes all the way from the base to the tip, flicking your tongue off. His big hands grabbed either side of your head, him thrusting inside your throat, not caring if you gagged, that just made him even more viscous, hearing your desperate moaning and seeing the spit run down your chin and neck covered in his marks. Your head bumped against the wall with every thrust, your nose pressing up against his abdomen as he was balls deep inside your mouth. Your eyes burned, tears teasing at your tear duct, a cold salty stream rolling down your cheek as he stopped, pulling out your mouth, you coughing violently. He swiped his thumb over your cheek, wiping the tear with one finger before grabbing you by the neck, lifting your head up and looking into your eyes as he inserted his dick in your mouth once again, your thick saliva making his cock glisten. His silent groans only made you helplessly rub your thighs together, eager to have him inside of you. Every moan that slipped from between his swollen lips made the blood rush south, not to mention his fierce eyes that were glued on you as he coldly fucked your skull, no hint of compassion. He stretched out your throat, the clear outline of his cock making its appearance on your esophagus as he went deeper, groaning as you felt him twitch inside your mouth. As the familiar sensation of a knot in his stomach descended upon him he pulled out, rubbing the tip of his leaking cock against your glistening lips before he was quick with his movements. 

It didn’t take much for Chan to throw you over his shoulder, legs thrashing and you squealing, telling him to put you down. He did but not in the way you expected, slamming you down on the plushy bed, a fine layer of dust swirling in the orange sunset that shined in. The impact caught you off guard, knocking the air out of your lungs. Chan climbed on top of you, his belt buckle touching your body as he hovered above you. You hastily shuffled upwards to the headboard, lifting your hips as you removed your brightly colored bell bottom pants revealing your panties that already had a wet stain decorating them, Chan chuckling as his thumb glided over the patch of wetness. 

“You’re so needy baby, all worked up from giving me a blowjob, huh? I can slip my cock into you so easily” he purred at you, his fingers hooking at the elastic band of your underwear, slipping them down to your ankles, you shimmying your foot out of the fabric and letting the panties dangle from your other foot as your spread your legs, Chan being in between them. He danced his fingers up the wet folds that presented themselves in front of him, you squirming at the slightest touch. 

“You think you have control, you think you can do anything without me? You’re wrong, without me you’re nothing” he growled at you, his fingers covered in your slick as he teased your clit, fingers rolling in circles as you clutched onto the covers, knuckles whitening. You hurried by taking off your top, throwing your bra somewhere in the same direction, exposing your hardened buds, Chan’s mouth watering. He did the same, momentarily losing contact with your wet cunt as he pulled off his shirt, his perfectly sculpted body surprising you every time, as if you hadn’t fucked him countless times before. Chan attached his lips to one of your nipples, the other one being fondled by his hand, the cold pure silver causing you to shiver. Your hands stroked his soft hair, twirling it between your fingers and softly whimpering. He left tiny marks all over your chest, his lips sucking and gently nibbling on your supple skin. When your entire chest was a mess of marks and spit he lifted your legs, leaning them against his wide sturdy shoulders as he teased your wet entrance, rubbing his tip against your folds causing your back to arch slightly, a long pitched mewl forcing its way out of your mouth. When he finally slipped his cock inside you he groaned at your tightness. 

“fuck y/n, you’re so tight no matter how much I fuck you” he said, leaning over you so that your legs almost touch your chest, planting one hand beside your neck as the other one choked you, the restriction of air making you lightheaded but only adding to the pleasure that burned at your core as he relentlessly fucked into your squelching cunt. Your feet dangled near his shoulders lifelessly as the sheer momentum of his thrusts made you move upwards on the bed, the bed frame creaking due to the age it carried, you hoped no one noticed what scandalous activities was going on this room but it was probably already too late as your moans turned into high pitched cries. Your hands folded over Chan’s wrist as you tried to stabilize yourself, it took every ounce of strength to not close your quivering thighs. His thrusts got faster, rolling his hips against yours as the hand around your neck loosed, a harsh slap landing across your tear stained cheek, his thumb dipping inside your mouth, you latching on instantly.

“Look at you, thinking you’re so tough. You’re weak, remember that” he said with a lifted smirk, asserting his dominance through his dark gaze. You nodded, feeding his ego even more as the hand around your neck tightened, making you lightheaded with arousal, his cock ramming into your tight cunt that begged for release just like you. Chan loved seeing you like this. All fucked out with drool hanging from the corners of your lips, your eyes rolling back into your skull as he vigorously made your world shake, going hard enough to make the bed squeak loudly, the headboard bumping into the wall with every thrust. You couldn’t form a single sentence, blabbering incoherent sentences with his name stringed into it, in your mind you made perfect sense but your hesitant lips didn’t do the same. 

“f-fuck!” you cried out, the even pace getting sloppier as the skin slapping sound grew louder, bouncing against the awfully colored walls of the shabby motel room. You squirmed around on the bed, flailing your arms as you desperately tried to grab onto either your lover or the flowery sheets, your efforts fruitless as you felt your orgasm approaching with wide strides as Chan started circling your swollen abused clit with the pad of the hand that wasn't forcefully holding onto your throat, making you swoon. You arched your back as you couldn’t hold on any longer, clenching around his cock with every ounce of perseverance. With weak legs you interlaced them, trapping him deeper inside you as the merciless fiddling with your bud made you let out a breathy broken moan, your tits bouncing with the movements. The male looked at the tears that rolled down your cheeks, adoring your bloodshot eyes. How he loved staring down at his prized possession. He had ruined a once innocent girl, made her his with the mere power of love and crime. 

He lulled his head back as he was dangerously close to his climax, drawing in a harsh breath from between his clenched teeth, the air cooling down in his mouth before warming up in his tobacco-stained lungs. He was sent over the edge with a final thrust that made your body jolt in excitement, his thumb now simply resting on your clit as all thoughts were wiped clean from his mind, his hot seed spilling into your cunt, unknowingly making you cum as your abdomen contracted, your teary eyes squinting together, not in pain but in pleasure. His cum painted the quivering walls of your sex, draping his body over yours as he panted, staying inside you to ensure every drop of cum was where it supposed to be. His lips were coated with a fine layer of saliva, two lips meeting in a loveable kiss. It might seem odd to others. That you love a man that only brings you down or uses you, at least that’s what it looked like from a different perspective but you were infatuated, maybe even obsessed. He made you famous and he took you under his wing when you fled from your scumbag of a husband. 

Now Chan was the only thing that mattered.

He pulled out, falling down beside you, the weight of the bed shifting as his built back hit it. The cum dripped out of you slowly, hitting the sheets and staining them. You ruffled your hair before you stood up, cum running down your inner thigh as you made your way over to the shower. Chan instead crept down under the covers, staring up at the ceiling in a half lying position, casting glance at the dark oak bedside tables where a packet of cigarettes was left haphazardly along with your metal zippo, a gift from your dad that died in war. It was important to you, important enough to destroy you with smoke. Chan retrieved one of the deadly sticks from it’s pretty eye catching packaging and lit one end, inhaling the smoke. He put one hand beneath his head that was supported by the pillow as he other one momentarily removed the cigarette, flicking the ashes on the cold tile floor, the grey thick smoke spreading through the room, interlacing the bed sheets with it’s scent. The gentle tapping of the water on the bathroom floor calmed him, calmed him from knowing that tomorrow might be the last day he’s alive. Or maybe it’s you. 

Here you were again, getting into the sparkling clean car that was loaded with nothing more than a multitude of weaponry that many times wasn’t used against civilians, just to give a gentle reminder that you don’t fuck with the two of you unless you wanna get a bullet burned through your skull. If they ask for it they are gonna get it.

Chan loaded the suitcases into the truck where a blanket covered the weapons, the pile of murder machines looking innocent like this. The sand of the desert was blowing in your face, your long skirt flowing in the wind. Just because you were a criminal didn’t mean you had to dress out of fashion, the style was a part of it. You gazed out into the valleys of dust, the lonesome tumbleweeds drifting with the wind like a blind rat following the smell of musky cheese, not aware that it’s heading to it’s own death.

“Ready, sugarplum?” Chan said, wrapping his hand around your head and leaning it against his sturdy shoulder. 

“I was born ready” you whispered into the wuthering wind. He smiled but put on a serious face as you looked at him, before walking over to the passenger seat, opening the car door.

“Let’s do what we do best, darling.” you said with a bittersweet grin, sitting down and closing the door. 

The bank wasn’t too far away, that being that it was still in the same state since many other robberies required long car rides that was either filled with funky tunes or more cigarettes than you can count. This one wasn’t any different. His two hands were gripping the steering wheel as he drove faster than the speed limit, praying to whatever nonexistent god he had in his head that the police wouldn’t flash their red and blue sirens behind the vehicle. He probably prayed to the money. He often said that money did things not even god was able to do and there was truth in Chan’s words or maybe the both of you were too infatuated with the idea of money that you would go to any lengths just to get it. Just to smell the fresh dollar bills in your hands. The car was in complete silence, only the growling of the engine being heard. It was always scary heading to a new place, you never knew what would happen there. Maybe it’s the last time you witness your lover behind the steering wheel, the last time you feel the wind fluttering through you hair due to the rolled down window. Maybe it was the last time you would see the emerald green jewel reflecting it’s light as the sun bounced off the glossy surface of the stone. You denied your longing for your husband, beside all the cheating and drugs you were ready to stay with him but there was one thing that Chan could do better; love. 

You could tell how tense Chan was. The way he anxiously checked the rearview mirror and forcefully looked straight at the neverending road in the middle of nowhere. It was pretty apparent that this lifestyle was driving him mad, making all his nerves stand on the edge of his skin, paranoid to the bone. But there was no end in sight unless someone else put that end there. He was never gonna stop, go as far as he could and shoot for the stars. It was people like him, greedy people that life usually steered the wrong way and well,,, you were one of those as well, greedy for luxury even though the life you were living now was anything far from that. You turned to Chan, his one hand rested in his lap and you slowly reached over to grab it, rubbing your thumb over knuckles. His eyes momentarily diverted from the road to you, looking at your eyes that were focused on his slightly rough hands.

After what seemed like an eternity, Chan parked into the parking lot of the bank, the building being just as remotely placed as the motel. Perfect. The car was strategically placed near the road for easy escape if there would even be any required. As you stepped out of the car you opened the trunk, uncovering the multitude of weapons that lay beneath the blanket and passed Chan his favorite rifle, the M1918 Browning Rifle. You simply stuck to a revolver since you could hide it in your holster for when you needed two hands to grab the money and shove it into the burlap bag. 

There wasn’t much thought needed for the robberies that happened this far away from the city, the local police station was a good drive away so neither you or Chan worried too much but it was still a risk. The big wooden doors were slammed open by him, a shot up into the ceiling shattered a lamp and next second your ears were filled by the terrified screams of men, women and children. You didn’t hesitate your movements as you went up to the multiple receptionist desks where the women in neat uniforms were all kneeling on the floor. 

“Get the fuck up!” you yelled, jumping on the desk and pointing your gun at one of the girls, she looked rather young and innocent with her dark shaking pupils that wandered with pure fear. You yelled at her to open all the vaults, to which she complied not having any other choice than to get shot. Her hands quivered as she put the money in the bag, filling it up with valuable green bills that would promise you dreams. You glanced back at Chan that was pointing the rifle at the people that lied down on their stomachs with their hands on their head, the sound of a child's tears not even bothering him or his conscience. You held the gun to her head, lonesome tears streaming down her face as her legs were barely able to hold her up. A smile cracked on your crimson painted lips as the bag filled up, the feeling of adrenaline rushing through your blood making you fly on the clouds, you could do whatever you wanted in this moment. You were free. 

Just as you were about to turn around, signaling to Chan that the mission was done you heard another gunshot that was foreign from the usual sounds of the weapons you carried. It didn’t sound like it came from inside the building. The second after you heard a window shatter, glass flying over the civilians that screamed in fear once again and then you heard a thump, a loud one. You looked over your shoulder and there he was, your lover with a bullet through his back, the puddle of sangria red blood spreading over the bright vinyl flooring. This was the sight you feared the most in the world and here it was, right in front of your naked eyes. You dropped the revolver you held in your dominant hand and rushed over to him as you heard a male voice over a megaphone from outside the building. 

“Civilians, exit the building immediately”

The crowd of people squeezed through the doors, fleeing to whatever corner they could or hiding behind the countless cop cars that flashed their colorful sirens. You dragged Chan’s head into your lap as you fell down in defeat, looking at his closed eyes and his face that turned a pale blue with hints of grey, he was cold to the touch and his blood stained your clothes as well as the floor, the dark red marks on the floor that lead to his body as you dragged him closer to you, cupping his cheek. Frigid tears rolled down your cheeks and accumulated on your chin before dripping down onto his face, coloring his lips with a clear sheen. 

He wasn’t gone, he simply couldn’t be. He was your Chan, the Chan that always got away no matter what. Nothing could stop the two of you, not a stupid bullet through his back. You shaked him as you sobbed loudly, your lips quivering as black streaks of mascara covered the supple valleys of your cheeks. 

“Chan! Chan, fuck!! Wake up!!” you yelled as you shook him vigorously but his lifeless body was limp in your arms, no sign of life to be seen. You hugged him closer, not feeling his heartbeat or lungs filling with air from this cursed place. He wasn’t gone, he was still here and he would wake up one day, you told yourself these lies because they are easier to believe than the cold hard truth. Your blood boiled with pure rage. Somebody had stopped your dream life, that someone being the law itself but no matter who it was it still stopped you and you never took no for an answer. Your empty lost gaze diverted to the loaded gun that lied only footsteps away from your cowered body.

“Exit the building, leave the weapons” you heard the voice call out from outside, the megaphone crackling and distorting the voice. 

What was better?

Dying in the hands of the authorities or dying in Chan’s arms?

[spacejamdvdadinfinitum]

Does Leona bring Kenta into classes or is he not allowed to? Bc the image of Kenta on Leona's lap while in class is very funny to me.

And speaking classes, how do the teachers react to Leona bringing his kid to school??

Hmmmmmm! Well, it depends on if Kenta can behave himself during a lecture.

Crowley

For starters, Crowley isn't too KEEN on letting Kenta stay at first. They don't have day care facilities and he worries that the child will be a distraction to the other students.

"Not like you've cared before, Crowley." Leona will sneer.

"I don't NEED day care! I'm almost 9!"

Ultimately, Crowley will allow it so long as Kenta won't distract the class. And he won't for the most part! Though outside of class, Crowley is rather fond of how Kenta keeps Leona on his toes. Teaches him responsibility! And how hard it is to keep tabs on children.

Kenta does not trust the bird man. Thinks he's shifty as hell but he can't exactly say that out loud.

Prof Trein

Prof Trein's the first teacher to have Kenta in his class, and it only takes one glare to get him to behave himself. Despite Trein being rather soft on him, he still expects Leona to keep his son in check and behaving.

If anything, Kenta keeps LEONA in check, as he keeps waking him up during lessons to ask his dad what Trein's talking about. Trein just. Smirks at the fact that Leona gets no peace in his classes now. And NOW LEONA HAS TO PAY ATTENTION to answer Kenta's questions.

Lucius also enjoys Kenta's company, as he likes that the kid is FLUENT in Beastspeak. Like, he talks to the cat more eloquently than he does with people. The reason is apparently, he and several other whelps were babysat by an irritable old tabby cat that they called Miss Abby. She taught them to speak Feline pretty damn fast.

Lucius reports that the kid also has a comprehensive list of animal swear words.

Prof Crewell

At first, you'd think Crewell didn't like the cub. But it's easy to keep him occupied.

You remember the really dangerous chemistry kits that they used to sell in the 60/70/80s? The ones that had MERCURY and HYDROCHLORIC ACID and stuff in them?

Yeah, Crewell lets Kenta play with the magical equivalent. Even has a print out of how to make things like smoke bombs and such. Consider it payback for all the times Leona slacked off in class.

"You see, you mongrel. Your own pup has a healthy interest in the art of alchemy! Look at him with his little goggles and lab coat. It's quite cute. Why can't you be as motivated as he is?"

Kenta is all for this. He's delighted to learn, even if he's risking chemical burns or catastrophic ( to a child ) mistakes that might do things like turn his hair green or make his voice really deep.

Ashton Vargas

Oh man, if you thought that Jack liked the kid, Ashton is ready to sign the adoption papers and steal him from Leona.

While Kenta doesn't care about gaining muscles, he is HIGHLY interested in climbing and running and jumping and tumbling. And he's an endless font of energy, meaning Vargas has someone new to compare the other students to.

Vargas happily sets up an obstacle course in the gym to 'test his students' but it's more like. He wanted to see Kenta's abilities in action before he starts pushing him/ adjusting how his work outs should be. It's a lot of climbing and crawling, and it's quite fun to watch the older students struggle while Kenta laps them all.

Kenta FUCKING LOVES Vargas. He loves the huge man and is like "WHOAAAAA" over how BIG he is. Thinks he's the bee's knees and BEGS Leona to hang out with him when they're not busy.

Leona loves the idea of Vargas babysitting, but hates that now Kenta wants him to exercise alongside him. Waking him up at ungodly hours ( read: 6 am ) to 'go for a morning jog' and such. He's in Hell and Vargas is the Devil.

Sam

Ahhhh, Sam.

Sam immediately takes a liking to the little guy since he likes buying snacks off him. He's willing to taste test a lot of the newer goods, telling Sam if the stuff is good or not. And Sam is willing to let him have the first few samples so that Kenta can come back with Leona's wallet :)

But he also makes sure Kenta is WATCHED when he comes in, since the little guy also has sticky fingers. A force of habit from his time in the back alleys. Same is a lot more forgiving than most, not even telling Leona about the incidents. But Sam makes sure the kid works for him as punishment so that he can keep a closer eye on him, learn his tricks.

And Kenta learns a lot about Sam and his backroom dealings.

More than he should. But he's good at keeping secrets :)

[shotorozu]

writing letters

character(s) : midoriya izuku, bakugou katsuki, todoroki shouto (bnha)

PART TWO | PART THREE (?)

legend : [Y/N = your name] they/them pronouns used, quirk’s not specific

note(s) : how the bnha boys would write you notes/letters and when they’d do so! this also includes headcanons of their handwriting, and examples of their letters (without visuals, because of the image limit)

— .｡*ﾟ+.*.｡ it’s my birthday (part 2) ˚✧₊⁎

»»————-　♡　————-««

midoriya izuku

↛ his hand writing is quite rounded, sometimes messy— but most of the time, it’s alright. izuku usually writes at the center of each column. he occasionally hooks his y’s and g’s (think of what the cursive form of y and g looks like)

↛ he writes you a ton of letters, sometimes for special occasions, sometimes for just no reason at all— like whenever you’re feeling downer than usual, or if he can’t see you at the moment. in reality, he only ends up sending out one. boy has a lot on his mind! i mean, izuku’s a natural writer, he’s been writing about heroes for as long as he could remember in middle school. green boy loves you so much, he could write you an entire novel just filled with the nicest words of affirmations, and he could write sequels stacked ontop of more sequels! but,, he’s hesitant on sending you a lot all at once, or even sending you a lot in just a span of one week, because he’s scared of coming off as stalkerish or too obsessed.

hi Y/N!

work study has been busier than usual, and i’ve been wanting to see you check on you. but sadly, i really couldn’t see you as much as i could. i’m so sorry again! but ok, okay! moving on to the reason why im writing this letter in the first place.

i love you i hope you’re doing well :) even though i can’t really see you at the moment, and even when i’m busy at this work study with kacchan, i hope you’re eating, sleeping, and doing well!

i hope you’re thinking about me, as much as im thinking about you :)

— love, izuku <3

bakugou katsuki

↛ surprisingly, his handwriting isn’t the worst thing in the world. it’s decent, and definitely legible. the edges are sharp though— it definitely suits him.

↛ thinks he has no reason to be writing you letters, and he says that because he— as an individual, prefers telling the things he needs to say to you to your face. so, the chance of him writing you letters is pretty slim. katsuki’s not a fan of the idea of hiding behind some ‘stupid’ letter, with the ‘stupid’ inking and ‘stupid’ paper. but then, he hears that some people tend to appreciate handwritten letters ever so often, especially when they’re feeling particularly down. he rolls his eyes at this new profound information, but he takes a mental note of it. even though he could just tell you the words he means to say over and over again, katsuki ends up pushing through with it anyway.

hey, dumbass.

yeah, me writing letters? you thought i’d never in a million years, huh? wrong. super wrong. have you forgotten that i’m a man of a million talents? anyways. shitty ha kirishima told me that writing you a letter would make you feel less shitty, and he’s not completely wrong. he says the weirdest shit, but he makes sense here and there.

look, you do know that i don’t mean any of the shit i say, right? i don’t wanna come back and see you all sulky and pouty, because you know that i don’t actually mean it when i call you that. sometimes i wish you’d fucking yell at me, because you’re not a doormat. then again, you’re my dumbass anyway. never let anyone tell you otherwise

— katsuki.

todoroki shouto

↛ there he is, the love of my life <3 moving aside, his handwriting is pretty neat. not too round, and not too sharp— if there’s an absolute balance, then shouto’s handwriting would probably be just that (his writing isn’t like a font though, and bonus! aizawa has the easiest time checking his papers during written exams)

↛ he probably sends you letters the most, out of all of the characters i’ve wrote about, or will write about. usually, he writes you a letter once or twice a week, even when you’re in the same vicinity as him. however— if you’re away for like,, a work study, or for a family holiday across town, and for quite some time, he’ll end up writing you 4-5 letters a week, depending on the duration of your stay away. he’s quite used to writing letters, since he practically writes his mom whenever he can— you could even say that this is a love language of his, from the way that his words are precise, and nothing short of being sweet and just,, filled with words derived purely from the heart. in his opinion, he doesn’t mind telling you how he feels face to face, but he also doesn’t mind writing letters. he just,, needs to tell you how he feels!

my love,

it’s been a while. i know, and i do want to apologize for that. we.. haven’t been able to see each other, due to the work study with the old man. it’s excruciating to say the least, just thinking about not seeing you for days upon days. i haven’t touched, seen, or spoken to you in person for way too long. and i feel like you might’ve babied me for quite some time, since i can’t even imagine a week without you. but it’s impossible. you’re so delectable, and you’re for sore eyes. i can only yearn for your touch for how much longer.

lastly, i just want you to remember that i love you. i love you, i love you, i love you. i should probably start making the closing point of this letter. before endeavor comes in, and starts looming over my shoulder like the old man he is. i’ll write about that old fart another time, don’t you fret just yet, love.

— with ever lasting love, shouto todoroki <3

»»————-　♡　————-««

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei, i only own the writing and i do not profit off of my hobby

do not plagiarize, reupload, translate, or use my works for audio readings without permission

[c-e-d-dreamer]

For AU Day for @nessianweek I thought I’d test out this College AU that’s been bouncing around my brain because I’m College AU trash that I’m considering writing a proper/chaptered fic for. Hope you enjoy! :) 

Most days, University of Prythian feels like every other public college. All brooding brick buildings and precisely placed green spaces and students loudly milling about in droves. A group of frat boys throwing around a frisbee on the common. A group of girls in bikinis tops taking advantage of the late August sun. Shouts of “oh my god, hey” and “how was your summer” just barely drowning out crying parents dropping their kids off. It’s migraine inducing. 

Nesta throws the car into park, the old Chevy only groaning slightly as it settles after the trek up to campus. She hears the doors open and close, but she just grips the wheel and closes her eyes, taking in three steadying breaths and hoping the oxygen can find a way to calm her spiking blood. In through the nose, out through the mouth. It’s a new year. After everything that happened last year, technically up should be the only direction. She hopes. Once Nesta feels like she has a hold of her frayed nerves, she slides out of the driver’s seat to find Feyre already excitedly pulling her bags from the trunk, settling them on the pavement next to the car. Elain comes up beside their youngest sister, pulling her own suitcases out. 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drop you off closer to your dorm, Elain?” 

“I’m in Oakwood this year. It’s not that far a walk.” 

Nesta nods, grabbing the last of Feyre’s bags and closing the trunk. Before Elain can wheel off with her bags, Feyre’s wrapping an arm around each of her sisters’ shoulders, a wide smile plastered across her face under her U of P baseball cap. 

“The Archeron sisters are back together again!” 

“Well, until Nesta graduates,” Elain reminds Feyre. 

“Maybe she’ll do a fifth year, just for us.” 

Nesta just raises an eyebrow at her sisters’ antics. A fifth year? Impossible. Not only because she takes her studies very seriously, keeping her GPA well above the average, but because the idea of spending an extra, unnecessary year in this place sounds like her own personal circle of hell. The sooner she can finish her degree and get on with the rest of her life, the better. 

“Alright,” Feyre concedes. “Bad suggestion.” 

With a wave and a promise to meet up for dinner later, Elain is off towards Oakwood Hall. Nesta hoists one of Feyre’s duffle bags onto her shoulder, following her youngest sister toward her own dorm hall. As she steps up onto the sidewalk, though, her shoulder collides with a firm body, Feyre’s bag almost falling out of her grip. 

“Hey! Watch where you’re going,” Nesta seethes. 

“Sorry, sweetheart,” a voice calls in return, already swallowed up by the groups of students moving in and out of the dorm hall. 

Nesta rolls her eyes at the saccharine nickname, resettling the duffle on her shoulder and catching up to Feyre. Her sister’s dorm reminds Nesta of her own freshmen dorm from back in the day, simple and small, all white walls and plain wood furniture. Despite the things already in the room, Feyre’s roommate is nowhere to be seen. 

“Do you need help with anything else?” Nesta asks, dropping the bag she had been holding onto Feyre’s bed. 

“I should be good. Orientation starts in a few hours.” 

A moment passes as the two sisters stare at one another. They aren’t exactly the most affectionate of families, hugging and that sort of thing. So with a small nod and smile, Nesta is on her way, back out of the dorm hall and to her car. 

Luckily, the off campus apartment she’s staying in this year isn’t that long a drive, and when she walks through the door, Emerie is already inside, leaning against their kitchen counter, a fork poised between her fingers and what looks like a slice of chocolate cake perched on a plate. 

“Well, look what the cat dragged in,” Emerie drawls, but the smile tugging at the corner of her lips gives away the teasing nature. 

“Hope you brought enough to share,” Nesta replies, eying up Emerie’s plate. 

“Do I look like I’m made of money? Go to the dining hall and get your own.” 

“When’s Gwyn meant to get in?” 

“Not until later this week. I’m surprised you’re on campus this early.” 

“Feyre has orientation this week. Plus I need to hit up the bookstore. I have Williams this semester.” 

“That man seriously needs to get that stick out of his ass when it comes to having the “right edition” for his class.” 

“Tell me about it,” Nesta sighs, sneaking her hand into the utensils drawer and then snagging a bite of Emerie’s cake before the female has a chance to react. 

“Hey!” Emerie calls after Nesta as she retreats to her room. “You’re lucky I like you, Nesta Archeron!” 

~ * * * ~

The campus bookstore is mostly filled with parents and baby-faced freshmen trying to decide which University of Prythian gear to spend all their money on, but once Nesta pushes back to where the shelves of textbooks live, the throngs of bodies thin out. She can’t help but run her finger along the spines of the books, all lined perfectly along the shelves. Each spine is a different color, a different texture, bold or curvy font declaring its title to the world, and while many are textbooks, that feel under her fingers is still a comfort. Like a heartbeat lives between the soft linen pages and beats in time with her own. 

A turn around the corner and Nesta finds the section of books she needs. She scans the different titles, and when her eyes finally land on the one she needs, she can’t help the long sigh that looses from her lungs. Of course, it’s on the very top shelf. Nesta reaches her arm up, stretching up onto her tip-toes until the pads of her fingers just brush the spine of the book, trying to inch the book closer to the edge where she could get it down. 

“Need some help, sweetheart?”

Nesta falls back on her heels in surprise, the voice and nickname snagging on her memory. She whips her head around to find a guy leaning against the shelf, arms crossed casually across his chest and a smug smile plastered across his face. He’s tall with broad shoulders, dark curls pulled into a bun at the back of his head. Nesta’s eyes can’t help but snag on the lines of ink dancing across the skin of his arms and peeking out of the open cuts of his bro-tank. When her eyes dance back to his face, his hazel eyes are alight like he had clocked and was delighted in what she had been doing. It makes her brain crash back into action, a scowl settling easily across her features. 

“You were the one who bumped into me earlier. Outside of Somerset Hall.” 

“That was you?” the guy asks, not even being subtle as he checks Nesta out. “My apologies. Let me make it up to you by taking you out to dinner.” 

Nesta doesn’t even deen that with a response. With a scoff, she turns back toward the front of the bookstore. She can come back later for the book she needs, ideally when this insufferable man with his cocky grins and overconfidence is nowhere to be seen. As she weaves her way through the shelves and toward the exit, she pointedly ignores the heavy set of footsteps she can hear trailing behind her. 

“At least tell me your name.” 

“No.” 

“No? Well that’s definitely an interesting name. My name’s Cassian by the way.” 

“I don’t recall asking.” 

“You didn’t have to. Your eyes were asking for you.” 

That has Nesta halting in her steps. She whirls around and clearly her sudden stop has this Cassian thrown off, his own steps stumbling. Good. She likes having the upperhand. 

“Does that line actually work for you?” 

“Actually, I usually have to use less words. My ruggedly handsome looks do all the talking.” 

“Rugged? Sure. But handsome?” Nesta pointedly rakes her eyes down his figure, and when they meet back with hazel, Cassian’s cock-sure grin slips the barest hint at the corner. “I don’t think so. You looked like you crawled out of a dumpster.” 

Nesta expects his smile to fall fully at the jab, and she hopes it’s enough for him to leave her alone, but instead that smile is still stubbornly there. Even worse, it twists and shifts into a smirk, like this is all some kind of fun game. It makes Nesta’s heart give an extra kick in her chest, and before she can even think about dwelling on what that means, she turns on her heel. 

“Goodbye, Cassian.” 

“Goodbye, sweetheart.” 

~ * * * ~

On Thursday, Nesta finds herself at the dining hall. It’s a little late for breakfast and too early for lunch, so luckily the place is blessedly not too crowded, just a few pockets of students talking and laughing at various tables. She’s standing in front of the pastry display when her phone starts buzzing incessantly, and she slides it out of her pocket to find Feyre going off in their sister group chat. 

I just met the most attractive man I have ever seen

I’m not fucking around. HIS FACE 

And he called me darling

He asked me to drinks tomorrow night!

“I personally prefer the blueberry muffins.” 

Nesta snaps her attention to her left to find Cassian standing there, that same wide and cocky grin from the bookstore settled across his face. His hair is down today, soft curls framing his face and brushing against his cotton tee covered shoulders. 

“You again,” Nesta sighs. 

“Isn’t it funny how we keep meeting?” 

“Funny isn’t the word I would use.”

“It’s almost like the Universe keeps pushing us together.”

“Or you’re stalking me.” 

“Maybe you’re stalking me,” Cassian says, tossing a wink Nesta’s way. 

“And why would I do that?” 

“I thought we already established the fact I’m ruggedly handsome?” 

“Pretty sure the only thing we’ve established is that you’re full of yourself.” 

Nesta turns and snags one of the wrapped chocolate chip muffins out of the display case, fully prepared to end this conversation and enjoy her snack in peace. 

“You forgot something the other day, you know.” 

Nesta looks back toward Cassian where he has an outstretched hand between them. There, clutched between his fingers, is the book she went to the campus bookstore to pick up. She blinks a few times at the wide script proclaiming Art Through the Ages, the cogs in her brain tripping over one another and trying to comprehend the sight before her. Her hand begins to reach out to take the book before she snaps it back to her side, her eyes locking back on Cassian’s face. 

“You got the book I needed?” 

“The perfect excuse to find and talk to you again.” 

“Well, I can’t accept it.” 

“Then you can Venmo me,” Cassian says, leaning into Nesta’s space and pressing the book into her hands. “And your Venmo will have your name, won’t it? So it’s a win-win.” 

This close up, Nesta can see all the green vines and gold flecks that make up his hazel eyes. The way his nose sits just off kilter like it’s been broken and set not quite right and the stubble pushing through along his jawline. She can feel the warmth that seems to radiate off his person in rolling waves. It’s a bit overwhelming. 

“It’s Nesta,” she offers, taking a step back. 

“Nesta,” Cassian says, like he’s testing the weight of her name on his tongue. “Well, Nesta, how about that dinner? The offer still stands. Or we could skip straight to dessert.” 

Nesta lets out a snort at the comment. She’s sure the sound isn’t particularly attractive, but she can’t help it. The audacity of this man. 

“Only in your dreams,” Nesta quips, turning on her heel and heading toward the register to pay for her muffin. 

“Is that a promise?”

She pretends she doesn’t hear him as she swipes her meal card and makes for the dining hall exit. She can feel Cassian’s eyes tracking her the whole way. 

Later, when Nesta gets back to her room and is thumbing through Art Through the Ages, she finds a note folded up between the pages. She opens up the paper to find an unfamiliar scrawl, simple black lines spelling out ‘Cassian’ and ten digits. She hesitates for only a moment before crumbling it up and tossing it in the trash. 

~ * * * ~

Classes start up on Monday, and Nesta is ready to throw herself back into her books, notes, and work. She has a jammed packed schedule this semester, knocking out the rest of her general education credit requirements needed to graduate on time. The perfect distraction to keep her mind busy. At least, she was able to squeeze in enough classes that actually interest her, including a course on Early Women Writers. 

On Tuesday, she walks into the science building and her chemistry class. She finds a lab table a few spots back from the front, settling onto one of the stools. She pulls her textbook and laptop from her bag and is just typing in her laptop password when she feels a presence behind her. 

“I guess I should thank you for coming through on your promise. The best dreams I’ve ever had.” 

Nesta can’t stop the pained sigh that pulls its way out her lungs. She rubs a hand down her face before turning to the right, just in time to find Cassian sliding into the stool beside her. He has another cotton tee on, his hair once again pulled up into a bun style. 

“Please don’t tell me you’re taking this class.” 

Cassian reaches into his backpack and pulls out his own chemistry textbook, holding it up as some sort of proof. 

“The Universe strikes again.” 

“So you keep saying, but clearly the Universe has bad taste.” 

Cassian throws his head back and laughs at the comment, surprising Nesta with his reaction and earning them a few curious looks from the rest of the class. The sound is deep and warm, seeming to radiate from deep within his chest. His shoulders shake like his large frame isn’t enough to contain the sound, and Nesta finds herself staring at the crinkles that appear beside his eyes. 

“Alright, class. Welcome to chemistry.” 

A hush falls over the whole room as the professor strides in the door and to the front of the room. She hands a small stack of syllabus sheets to each person sitting at the front to be passed back and a blank seating chart to fill in is passed between the tables. The professor goes through the syllabus for much of the allotted class time, and Nesta makes notes in the margins of hers about the grading system and circles the important deadlines she’ll need to remember. 

“I hope you’re comfortable with where you’re sitting and who you’re sitting with,” the professor addresses the class an hour later. “They’ll be your lab partner for the rest of the semester.” 

Nesta wants to groan as she buries her face in her hands. How did this become her life? As if simply seeing Cassian’s insufferable face three times a week for this class isn’t enough, now they actually have to interact and work with one another. If Cassian’s theory about this being the Universe's doing is correct, Nesta is pretty sure the Universe is just laughing in her face now. 

“Well, would you look at that, Nes,” Cassian drawls from beside her. “Another point for the Universe.” 

“I’m going to murder you in your sleep,” Nesta mutters from between her fingers. 

“As long as we get to cuddle a little beforehand.” 

“Cute,” Nesta says, putting as much dry sarcasm as she can behind the single word. 

“You know, lab partner,” Cassian offers while he stands up and slings his backpack across his shoulders. “I think it’s going to be a great semester.”