#the idea that im gonna miss it just bc my stupid job is keeping me trapped in nyc has really been eating at me

[be-good-to-bugs]

you would think considering how much it loves sleeping that my body would, yknow, sleep when i ask it to. or even just when it has barely slept in days and im trying so hard to sleep

[ao3gingerswag]

Guess who took the train to the end of the line and stomped thru the woods for 30 minutes and trespassed on a golf course just to see a tiny barely visible green dot in the sky :)) this bitch!!!! :)) I Saw The Green Comet :)))

[opal-owl-flight]

Quick lore question, did marie considering the idea of replacing 4 play into the insecurities she has later?

Absolutely.

I wanna preface this by saying one thing: Young 4 was a COMPLETELY different person before she got recruited by Marie. And Marie...responds to her accordingly.

Long read abt Hero2 events below!! Its. A lil messy sorry qisjke these are my notes

Young 4? A bitch.

Everything she ever wanted was given to her. Moved out of the highlands with an ego the size of a planet (and also bc she felt suffocated there), thinking she can make it in the big city.

...she struggled to make it alone. She had moved out bc her family was suffocating her with love, but now theyre not here, so now she feels homesick and underappreciated.

All that is expressed by her harsh, bitchy attitude. Shes gonna be mean bc no one has seen her for who she is. She'll show them!!

She finds her way around like this, and discovers that shes just as good at turf war here and at home. In fact, shes *so* good that she got the status of a rising star!

It aaalll just gets into her head. Shes "proven everyone wrong" now. Shes got the superiority complex and can back it up.

Marie...

...saw this. She was looking for a new agent to help find the missing zapfish. The second 4 heard this from her, she flexed her arms and...

"Look no further, your hero is RIGHT HERE!"

Marie at first adored the spunkiness of this new agent. Uuuntil 4 started thinking that shes better than her.

"Watch out, Agent Four!"

"You watch YOURSELF, grandma! Think Im a damn idiot to not see that coming? WAHA!"

Marie rolled up her sleeves after several stages full of her ignoring orders or sassing her out of nowhere.

Is that how shes gonna be? Fine.

When 4 finally trips and falls, hard, on a particularly difficult level, Marie pulls her to the side to fix her up and give her a lecture that tore her fucking ego to shreds.

She says something so fucking harsh like "That attitude will make SURE that you die sad and alone. I wonder how anyone puts up with you."

4s too hurt by her own failure to say anything back.

The reality of war finally gives her a reality check. Each victory is earned. its her life on the line. And the world.

She regains her spunk after saving the world.

------

Silly 4. She gets the job done but it takes a LOT of pushing in the mid-stages. Its like she got legitimately bored after the initial super easy ones, and thought the entire campaign a joke.

She went back to her turfing life topside between stages. And she takes a WHILE to come back to her missions -- usually late!! And then before she even goes in she just HAS to yak Marie's face off with what she was doing up there.

"Youre late."

"You shouldve SEEN ME, Marie!! I was carrying that Rainmaker round! I was-"

"Pray tell, Agent Four. How will you keep participating in turf with the Zapfish gone?"

"Whaat? Cmon. Nothing seems to be changing! Theres still power through the city!"

"The backup supply wont last forever, you know."

"Yeah yeah. Okay. Im here now. Wheres the next kettle?"

This attitude is from her high school days, clearly. She breezes by everything so fast that she can afford to do things last minute. It affects even this.

That, alongside her talking smack back to Marie, is what makes her snap at 4. Its what makes 4 stick to the mission fully starting late area 4 and area 5. (This is also around the time 4s life was threatened. God help me in those stupid platforming stages)

Post Hero2, 4 more or less does what 3 does. Shes the "replacement" til 3 comes back. (That cant be good for her confidence.)

At the same time, she has to deal with Callie and Marie talking out what the fuck Callie did with Octaria. "THEY SQUIDNAPPED GRAMPS!!!" and all. Why help them??? They get into squabbles where 4 was the unfortunate witness to. And peacemaker. It does NOT help that Callie for a while kept putting the glasses back on!!!

4 wishes so bad she had help of any sort. She feels 3 might be able to do something but what does she know?? Shes never met em!! She just imagines what the missing agent would do in that situation.

Callie...was also the person she got close to. Shes fun (unlike the stuck up Marie), shes empathic, she opened 4s eyes to the Octarian plight. It made her acceptance of 8 later much smoother.

Im not saying shes not close to Marie either, I bet they healed their relationship around this year too. Marie's sorry she tore 4s ego the way she did (even if deserved...). Marie's much more supportive of what 4s doing topside. Shes expressing her pride in the agent she found much more openly. (She brags abt her to Callie at times.)

The three of them heal together in that time. 4 sees them as older sisters Im p sure. Theyre both giving her tips for turfing and -- Marie even helps her with homework, HAH

And...while I say that 4 and Marie are in better terms, there are still days where Marie blows up on her. Lesser extent than before, but shes *worried* for her agent! (Its a similar plight 3 has.) In those times, its Callie who has her back. ("Hey! Its not like shes not trying!!" Callie understands how it is, and she also knows Marie best -- shes the one who makes 4 understand where Marie is coming from.)

[kirkwall]

work rant so i don’t go insane

alright so for context im a software dev at a company that offers a web application to online store owners that helps automate some stuff among other features. nothing essential just sort of helpful. our founder sold almost all his shares to some fucking investment group that now keeps buying more companies that thematically work with ours to turn this into some big thing they can make even more money with. so i think u kinda get the idea why i fundamentally do not care about this company or the work we do or find it worthwhile. if this company disappeared tomorrow it wouldn’t matter in the slightest. ppl would be mildly inconvenienced for a short adjustment period and then it’d be as if the application never existed. also worth noting that there’s no office, we all work from home, it’s mostly flexible hours and a 30hr work week at full pay so u can also understand why I didn’t just quit at the first sign of unsatisfaction.

another thing for context is that i have a diagnosed anxiety disorder, autism that is only diagnosed unofficially by my psychiatrist/therapist, some sort of problem focusing (not sure if it’s adhd or connected to other health things who knows with this body) and just one physical health issue after another. which means my energy levels are usually at like 50% at most.

now my lack of motivation to spend what little energy i have all on work instead of my actual life, how often i spontaneously get sick and my procrastination due to trouble focusing sometimes leads to me not finishing things on time or handing in half-assed results.

it’s been like this for over a year now but until today no one said anything. and the call today was mostly triggered by two projects i handed over to my supervisor in a half-assed state bc I didn’t get them done well in time before my vacation. but instead of telling me personally and outright he set up this call with him and our team lead. my team lead kept saying how i don’t have any „drive“ (ur right I don’t!) and how it’s on me to communicate faster if im gonna miss a deadline and need help and to find the motivation to „hand in the best possible work I can“ and to stay on top of all technology news that concern our team and make sure my knowledge is up to par.

now the thing is. they’re not really wrong in what they’re saying it’s just that there’s nothing that will ever make me care about this work or motivate me to do it. i will never want to use what little energy i have on work instead of my personal life. i will never be able to comfortably communicate with anyone there. i don’t care how often they say i can say whatever i want to without getting in trouble, i will always still worry about getting in trouble or others thinking im stupid and lazy. i will never care about any of these technology topics or be excited to do this ultimately meaningless job.

but i don’t know how to explain my health issues to them if barely any of it is properly diagnosed. so i don’t know how to make them understand that i can’t give it 100%. this call today was already hell bc I could barely speak full sentences for fear of breaking into sobs and then not being able to stop. i always start crying when i have to talk about my health bc it’s a scary and sensitive topic for me.

i want to quit more than anything. but i have this fundamental issue with all software dev jobs. it is so ultimately meaningless. im not giving back anything worthwhile to other people. if anything it fuels climate change. i would love to get back into biology but lab jobs do not exist here. at all. i don’t have it in me to get another degree. i don’t think my body can handle an exhausting 40hr shift job and doing part time would mean i make so little money that i won’t be able to move out and i really can’t live with my parents much longer without losing my mind. so now im just. stuck. and i feel like if i quit without anything new lined up i will end up in a hole I’ll never get out of. i don’t know what to do.

[sludgedyke]

ohhhhh fuck it feels weird being unemployed like. for real unemployed. like not having a routine type weird. oh this post got way longer than i expected, i'ma just throw this courtesy read more down to keep it from being like your whole screen lmao

i stuck it out so long at d*sn*y just bc i made some really strong friends, even after 2 years of new hires and people transferring locations or roles, and because it was just... familiar. and it was super easy to commit time theft lmao i was literally such a good worker that after long enough, leads stopped questioning my breaks going a little long >:3c and people across various areas of the kitchen were friends with me and liked me and now. its all still there but its gone. i think worst is knowing no one's gonna actually miss me enough to bother reaching out to hang out with me :/

anyways, since i'm like. not gonna have a routine and i actually really enjoyed being a dish washer, echo asked me if i wanna be their housewife lmao. they suggested that they would get a second job while i stay home and keep it clean and tidy, just for a little while. which like. tbh. not the worst idea... very seriously considering it, i would miss them too much to do that for very long i think :( at the very least since my schedule is now completely freed up, friends can just call me or come over whenever they'd like to, i would never say no to some friendly company :3 and like. missing them so much oh my god im absolutely 100% going to massage them every night and make them lunch to take to work and like. take care of them. i would. i already do that. i'm happy to do it. i make really good sandwiches, i give very good massages.

can you believe this entire post spawned from me getting wizard high and looking up "housewife checklist??" in an attempt to figure out what the fuck does a housewife do all day. or at least find someone who already obsessively made an organized list for me to follow along with and have something to do with all this new free time. which is stupid like who doesnt know how to keep their shit together? like a full grown adult? then i remembered like, oh yeah. most people, actually. a few of my friends for sure, i am no stranger to goblins. oh wow okay i think i can feel the adderall crashing now. i should go make myself dinner soon :3

[jbreenr]

Talk Me Out Of It –Bucky Barnes

Pairing: tfatws!bucky barnes × reader

Summary: partying was not your idea of fun... until someone convinced you to stay for one more drink. (Here's the second part)

Word count: 3.7k

Warning: brief talk about sex, mention of a burn scar (is that a warning? I don't know, I'm gonna put it anyway), but none, other than that.

A/N: i'm beer drunk, it's raining outside and i just walked three blocks to get some churros while daydreaming about this so… enjoy, i guess. and tell me why i shouldn't write when i'm not in my five senses. also, let me know if you'd like a smutty second part bc im thinking of something. Lack of vocabulary and grammatical mistakes abound. *apologizes in español*.

Inspired by talk me out of it –Olivia Holt.

ᴹʸ ᵍⁱᶠ

“This is ridiculous.” You spat as you eyed up and down your reflection in the mirror. “I look ridiculous.”

“What are you saying?” your friend stood up from the bed and went to stand behind you. “You look hot. ‘Hot’ is good.”

“I don’t want to look hot, Angie. I don't want to go to that stupid reunion, in the first place.”

Angie spent most of her free time these last weeks trying to convince you to go to the annual high school meeting with her. You had missed the last… Well, all of them. And there was a legit reason why: you had way more important things to do on a friday night than failing to reconnect with old classmates (of which you had already forgotten most names) like, watching a Criminal Minds marathon choking on popcorn or scrolling through social media procrastinating the gradings of the exams you were supposed to have ready for monday morning, for example.

“C’mon! You said you’d do me this favor and I’d help you find someone to fix your pipeline.”

“No, you said that if I did this for you, you’d convince Trevor to fix it for free.”

Angie hugged you from behind and placed her chin on your shoulder, pouting and giving you her best puppy eyes. “Just because my fiance has the soul of a bricklayer doesn't mean that he also is a plumber.”

“Angela…”

“Fine, fine! I’ll tell him.” She raised her hands in surrender. “But I can’t assure you that he’d do a good job. To have the soul and to have the skills are two different things.”

“Why am I going? Isn’t Trevor supposed to go as your date?” He was technically not invited since he was from another generation of students.

Your friend walked to her closet, opened the sliding door and took two pairs of heels.

“He is, but he and Nate are really good friends and every time he appears, Trev goes to get a beer with him and the gang,” She imitated Trevor’s voice, making you laugh. “And leaves me to deal with Jessica and her bragging about all her trips and the expensive shit her boyfriend in turn buys for her.” Before you could say something, she added, “And I need you there to keep me from tearing up the hair extensions off her bleached head.”

The idea of Angie starting a fight with one of the most odious people on Earth played in your head, thoughts of your friend slowly losing patience and blowing smoke out of her ears had you biting your inner cheeks to prevent you from bursting into laughter. Mostly, because she didn’t have it in her to hurt a fly.

“I'll go.” You affirmed, rolling your eyes at your friend's triumphant yes. She stretched out her arms, heels in hand and looked at you, then the shoes, then you again. “But don't believe I'll get in the way if you decide to break Jessica's new nose with the edge of a table.”

“Deal!” She handed you the white stilettos –that matched the thigh dress that was suspiciously your size–, wearing the biggest smile on her face. “We'll have so much fun; we can try Andrew’s weird ways of getting drunk, bet on who makes a fool of themselves the fastest and, who knows? Maybe you’ll finally get Ryan Morgan’s attention and have some in the bathroom of the club.” She winked at you.

“Ew! Shut up!” You laughed it off, not wanting her to start the teasing she used back in the day when it came to your youth crush.

“I’m only saying that you haven’t had sex in what? Eight months? It is time for you to go out, to talk to other adults besides your students' parents and me. Believe me, with that dress and a smile, you could drive anyone crazy.”

You blushed and tried to play it off with a joke. “Alright, stop flirting with me or I’m telling your soon-to-be husband.”

“Meh,” She downplayed the matter with an exaggerated grin. “He knows he’ll always be number two in my heart.”

As she finished the sentence, the horn of Trevor’s BMW sounded repeatedly from outside, urging you to hurry up and scaring Angie to the point she swore he listened to her.

Sighing, you took your small purse and walked towards the entrance.

“Let’s get you someone to bang tonight.” She said as she closed the door.

    

“I still can’t believe you convinced me to come.” There had been only five minutes since they entered the bar and Bucky’s grumpiness was already making Sam regret the decision of bringing the super soldier with him.

“It’s not that bad!” Sam nodded his head to the bartender as a greeting and showed him two fingers, asking for drinks. His usual, apparently. “Remember what your therapist said? You need to make a new friend. What better place than a party to do that? It’ll be easy.” he leaned against the bar and took the glass of whiskey, sipping from it.

Of course Bucky remembered what his therapist said. It was the only thing he had been thinking of for a whole week.

”There are still not many contacts on your phone, James.” The woman wearing a blue shirt and a plain grey skirt sitting across from him said as she checked Bucky’s phone for the fourth time in two months.

The first time she did, she found out that Bucky was not answering Sam’s texts on his old flip phone and she scolded him for that; the second time, she scrolled through a couple of messages between them on the screen of his new smartphone; the third time was not so different from the second; this time, she decided to do something about it.

“I'll give you a mission,” She returned the barely personalized device to Bucky, and took her notebook to write something down. “next week you have to bring me at least two more numbers...”

“I know what you’re doing, Doc, and it’s not gonna work.” He put his phone in his pocket and adjusted his position on the couch. “But, eight for the effort... Oh, really?” he protested when her pen came in contact with the paper again accompanied with a tired look on her face.

“Two numbers.” She said as the clock struck eleven, telling them that their session was over. Bucky stood up and waved goodbye to her. “And they better be real, James!” She shouted from her seat as he closed the door behind him.

Dr. Raynor was being a little too optimistic by thinking that Bucky could start new friendships out of nowhere as if he was the same Bucky Barnes the 40’s knew. More than a mission, it was a challenge.

During a quick visit to Sam’s apartment, he managed to get Sarah's number from his phone without him noticing, but he couldn’t find someone else to add to the list, which reduced things to only one more number.

“I wouldn't be so sure about it.” He affirmed, looking away in search of a potential new friend.

    

Soon after you arrived at the beach club, you found out there was good and bad news: Neither Nate nor Ryan were going to show up tonight. Honestly, you didn’t know which news was which. In line with Angie, it was good that Nate was not there, that way, she’d have Trevor all for herself, and it was bad that Ryan wouldn’t see you slaying –as she previously described– in her lent dress. On the other hand, you knew that thanks to Nate’s absence, your friends would not pay attention to you all night, leaving you alone, but you were relieved that Ryan didn’t attend as well, that saved you from having an awkward moment with Angie trying to make you two hook up.

If you were asked, you wouldn’t admit it, but the place was nice; fake torches were placed all around the dark wooden floor, illuminating the space, along with some light series hanging here and there, walls with tall windows and a glass ceiling allowed the –not so prominent but beautiful– natural light inside, small tables in front of low sofas were strategically positioned on the sides, and a colorful dance floor was saturated with people dancing to the beat of loud music.

“Angie! You came!” Jessica’s whistle-like voice greeted your friend. “Oh, God! Y/N? What are you doing here?” Her exaggerated enthusiasm, the hug she gave you and your forced smile reminded you why you preferred to stay home, eating junk food, instead of interacting with those people. “I thought you’d be nerding as you’ve been doing ever since we graduated.” The lack of tact of her assumption had you almost taking a step forward, you were only stopped by Angie’s hand on yours.

“We’re gonna go find a table but uhm, we’ll see you in a minute, yeah?” Her self-control in those kinds of situations always surprised you.

Saying her goodbyes, she dragged you to the tables near the dance floor, Trevor following behind.

The place was crowded, people walking in every direction, chatting in the line for the restroom or just chilling and singing along to the song currently playing.

When Angie found an empty table, she practically threw herself on top of it to keep a young couple from taking it. Four chairs rounded the table and even though you did your best to sit between your friends, they found a way to be on each other, sandwiching you.

Ten agonizingly slow minutes later, you decided that if you were going to put up with all the cheesiness of theirs, you’d at least take advantage of the alcohol to make it more bearable.

“You guys!” You called, breaking the spell they were in and making them look at you. “I’m getting a drink, you want anything?”

You mentally wrote their order and walked towards the bar. A few people were there, some occupying chairs and others only waiting for their drinks. You spotted a space big enough to make yourself visible to the guy behind the bar.

“What can I get you?” He politely asked you while shaking a silver recipient and pouring the liquid in a cup. After telling him the complicated cocktail Angie asked for, the specifications of Trevor’s special drink and deciding for a simple beer for yourself, he invited you to have a seat so you wouldn’t wait standing.

Chin in hand, legs crossed and a yawn said that your drinks were supposed to be ready a while ago. One of the guys sitting next to you had left his friend’s side to go dancing with a girl, came back and then went to the dancefloor again. At least, he was having fun. The other guy’s back was facing you, his elbow rested on the bar and from your peripheral sight you saw the screen of his phone unlocking and then turning black repeatedly.

Huffing, he went to put his phone in the pocket of his jacket, but the movement of his arm pushed a glass of liquor off the bar and straight to your thigh.

“Damn it!” you spat when the cold liquid made contact with your skin.

Your words brought more attention than you intended. The guy’s (who turned to you with an intrigued expression that fast morphed into a worried one) included.

“I’m so sorry.” he apologized, taking a bunch of napkins and doing his best to dry your leg without touching you that much.

“Angie is gonna kill me!” snatching the napkins from him, you rubbed the growing wet patch in the dress, in hopes of making the yellowish stain disappear. “She's gonna bury me in the woods and then plant a tree near the grave to compensate for the life she took.”

“What?” he asked with a little laugh as he saw you struggling to take the little remains of paper off the dress.

“This thing is hers and Lord protects whoever dares to damage her new wardrobe. I don’t want to deal with an angry Angie ever again. She's the personification of an angel, but even the devil used to be one.” not looking up, you answered.

“And, where’s Angie?” He handed you another napkin.

“The pretty five feet blonde with a blue strapless over there.” You pointed in her general direction, not taking your eyes out of your current task.

“You mean the girl that’s practically eating that guy alive?” Taken aback, you looked at him for the first time that night; Blue eyes reflecting the color of the lights you were under, a short beard framing a plump pink smile, dog tags hanging on a chain around his neck, black t-shirt and leather jacket accentuating his obviously worked body, and a pair of gloves covering both his hands. How was he not melting in those clothes? You had no idea.

After the eternal seconds you drowned in his beauty, you turned to look for your friend, only to find her doing exactly what the stranger said she was doing. Her and Trevor were in the middle of an intense make out session, all thoughts of their upcoming drinks, seemingly forgotten.

“Well, I’m still not taking any risks.” Leaving the ball of napkins you made on the table, you said, “If she yells at me for this, I won’t hesitate to blame you.” The severity in your warning intrigued Bucky. He was not sure if you were being serious or not.

He opened his mouth to respond but was interrupted when the bartender approached you. “An apple, orange and mint Margarita with an itty-bitty tiny bit of cinnamon,” he repeated the way you described Angie's drink. “the weirdest mix I’ve ever done, and a Corona.” he opened the bottle for you and left it to rest on top of a piece of paper.

You took your wallet out to pay for them but a gloved hand stopped you.

“Allow me. To make up for Angie’s dress.” He tilted his head and gave the bartender some cash, not waiting for your authorization. The guy turned from your face to the stranger's a couple of times and with a sigh, walked away to keep working.

“You’ll have to buy more than these to make up for Angie’s absurdly expensive dress.” You laughed while balancing the drinks in your hands, successfully keeping them steady enough for their content not to drop. The piece of paper took off from the bottle and fell to the ground.

You were prepared to leave, but he stopped you for the second time that night.

“How many more?” You couldn’t decipher if he was genuinely asking, mocking you, or being flirty. Your eyes traveled to your friends, who were most likely trying to beat the record of the longest kiss ever performed. The stranger bent down to pick the paper up and quickly eyed it. “They won’t miss you for a couple more minutes.”

You contemplated the situation: you could either go back to those lovebirds, to uncomfortably third wheel them and end up drunk on Trevor's strange vodka, curaçao, white and dark rum mix or, sit again and do all the small talk thing with this guy until his friend came back.

Even though you were mentally prepared for the first option, you put the drinks down and sat crossing your legs.

“Yeah, they're gonna be fine without me.” you affirmed, and it was not only because you spotted Jessica making her way towards them.

Bucky did his best not to look too excited when you decided to stay, maybe his most complicated mission was not going to be that complicated after all.

“I haven’t introduced myself.” He smiled showing his perfectly white teeth. “I’m Bucky.” His right arm rested on the bar and his hand was ready to shake yours.

The politeness of his voice and the little smile he gave you made you giggle. Your palm came in contact with the rough material of his glove as you told him your name.

“I think this is yours.” He placed the piece of paper in front of you.

“It is?” Incredulous, you took it. In black ink were written the name and number of who you thought was the bartender. “Oh, it is.”

“You should be used to it.” Considering how pretty you are, he completed the sentence in his mind.

”Pff, totally. That's the fifth tonight.” You said as you folded the paper and put it in your purse. The statement had him raising his brows in surprise. How was it possible that someone gets five numbers in a night and he can't even get one? “I'm kidding!” You clarified when you saw his expression. “No one ever talks to me. They usually think I have a resting bitch face.”

“He didn’t.”

Various colors danced on his face thanks to the lightning of the room and you only wished to have the red on yours, so he wouldn’t see the inevitable blush on your cheeks.

“He was an exception.”

    

Trevor’s drink was just as strong as you thought it would be, but Bucky didn’t even blink when he took a sip. Still, you suggested to settle on a bottle of tequila and two shot glasses.

Time flew; you were having so much fun conversing with him, finding out that people didn’t get close to him as well helped you stop feeling like you couldn’t act normal around him, the story of what his therapist asked him to do almost made you spit your drink, and your random babbling with nonexistent words in song lyrics in the middle of a sentence had him cackling every time.

    

Coming down from your laughter caused by something he said about his friend Yori starting fights out of nowhere, you refilled your glasses.

His fingers took the neck of his shirt and moved it back and forth, as to shake off the suffocating heat he was probably feeling.

“Why don’t you take that off? I boil just by looking at you.” For the look he was giving, you were sure he saw the loading bar processing your words drawn on your forehead. “Maybe that was not the right way to say it.”

“It’s… complicated.” He simply answered, suddenly shy and apparently uncomfortable.

“A poorly done tattoo?” You couldn’t stop yourself from asking, the alcohol already taking effect.

He took a sip of his beer to give him time to answer. “Something like that.”

By the way he said that, you figured it was a more delicate topic than the name of an ex or a distorted face drawn on his bicep.

“Well, I once had a student, she had this huge burn scar on her leg and she hated it, like, legitimately hated it.” Your eyes were glued on him, but he could see by the softness of your face that you were immersed in the memories, so he let you talk. “She would wear tights under her uniform even if it was hot outside.” You had your glass in hand and close to your mouth, but you didn’t drink.”One day I asked her why she did that and she answered ‘Because I don’t want them to think I’m a monster.’” Your expression was sad now, almost as much as Bucky’s. Not knowing, you had put into words the way he had been feeling about himself for the longest time.

“How did you respond to that?” He held his breath, almost afraid of what you were going to say.

Snapping out of your mind, you opened your mouth to answer.

“Hey, sweetie!” Angie’s voice cut you off. “We waited for our drinks.” Your raised brow told her that you didn’t believe a word she was saying. “Anyway, we’re leaving now. Jessica wants to play this stupid game where we remember the emarassing things we did in eight grade and I don’t want her laughing at the thought of me falling off a chair in the lab. You coming?”

“I--”

“Told you not to interrupt them.” Trevor scolded her as he approached the group, but hugged her in an affectionate way.

“I had to make sure she didn't need backup.” You rolled your eyes but internally (and sarcastically) thanked her for worrying about you.

“It’s ok, but uhm, I’m down for one more drink.” You glanced expectantly at Bucky, wanting him to say that he was too.

He looked around, in search of his friend and huffed. “I think Sam forgot about me, so I don’t really have anything else to do.”

The smile on his lips said that he didn't want to do anything else.

Neither Bucky nor you noticed, but Angie and Trevor shared a look of complicity. Your friend's next words, charged with joy.

“Well then, we’ll get going. Have fun and be safe.” The swiftness of her change of mood when she looked at Bucky was impressive. “You better take care of her.” She pointed at him with a finger, and he understood why you were so worried about her reaction regarding the dress. “I’ll see you tomorrow, girl.” She leaned to hug you and whispered in your ear “He’s hot.”

“Angela!” Your face felt like a tomato. “Just, take her away from here, would you?” You asked Trevor, who saluted you and threw his fiancee on his shoulder, making you laugh.

“It’s the truth and you know it!” She shouted from above the music.

“I'm really sorry about her. She's not even drunk.”

Bucky's amusement was evident, it was the first time he felt that way ever since he visited Sam and his family in Louisiana, and your sweet embarrassment only intensified his happiness.

“I'll pour you another drink to make up for her.” Taking the bottle and filling his glass, you declared.

Suddenly, you felt in a déjà vu, in an upside down reality when he said his next words. “You'll have to pour more than one to make up for her.”

Your smile mirrored Bucky's when you asked “How many more?”

[norangeyyy]

I literally l can't think of anything because I'm just not that creative— but ummmm

idk your ocs hanging with the bucci gang?? or la squad ra. Idk I wanna learn more about them, orrr jojo villains.... watching jojo for fun :) (im shit at this oop)

A/N: Sis please— I'm actually in love this idea!! 😖💖 I'm glad to give my girls some attention so here :DDD (I made this an Everyone Survives AU btw bcs i just don't want angst for this one🤧)

With the Bucci Gang

► Alright, we're gonna start with Hiraeth since she's the only one they know.

► Her first meeting with the gang outside Passione is just like any other, pretty uneventful. But that's because they're in the middle of a mission and it just so happens that they needed a place to stay in for a night and ended at the hotel where she works at.

► Hiraeth, as usual, recognized them immediately thanks to Bucciarati being the popular one in the group. In fact, it was him that she got along with first when they checked in.

► The others followed when Mista requested her to be the one to serve them everytime they come back so he could hit on her in which Hiraeth just laughed off knowing exactly that the gunslinger is literally just old enough to be her son(She's 29)

► That's the reason why Mista almost choked to his death that night when she revealed her age^

► They got to keep in touch with her after that night thanks to Bucciarati so she'd sometimes be invited to come over on special occasions but most of the time it's just either Trish, Fugo, and Abbachio going shopping or Narancia wanting to go to the arcade and eat ice cream but everyone's too busy to go out with him.

► First time Bucciarati heard about it^ he almost gave her his whole wallet in exchange for the trouble of having to babysit the 17 y/o boy and Narancia got scolded lmao

► He and the other two torture dance boys may or may not also spam her with messages everytime they're in *real* trouble and telling Bucciarati about it is not in the options anymore (Abbachio in the bg telling them to stop dragging her into it while Giorno and Trish watches concerned in the corner lol)

► Long story short, she officially became that chill auntie that everyone trusts with their secrets.

With La Squadra

► Now we're getting real ;)

► Hiraeth has a whole ass history with these guys so she doesn't really need to hide her identity with them.

► It all started in highschool with her being in the same class as Risotto and years later they bump into each other again but this time, it's inside the mafia, which they both find quite ironic since they're both the well-behaved kids back then.

► Because of this, it wasn't that hard for Hiraeth to get into Passione and it's also why Oneira exists. Risotto knows that Hiraeth still has a life outside the mafia unlike him and strictly ordered her to never let anyone know about it.

► So what's better disguise than looking like your Capo's crazy twin sister, right?

► Fast forward to La Squadra finding out who Oneira is anyway since you can't really hide anything for that long in a group of nine men.

► Now that they know what she looks like under that cake of white face paint and eyeliner, she has to say goodbye and go solo for safety purposes.

► "Fucking great job, Illuso." "Hey, it wasn't just me! "

► Going solo and building a name for herself after leaving the gang didn't start well either since rumors are inevitable so Oneira really has to avoid La Squadra and lay-low until the rumors subside.

► But sometimes she'll slip in and surprise everyone in the hideout which always ends up with them drinking and trashing the place all night then waking up with Risotto sitting across them with a glare.

► Worry not though, Oneira wouldn't be there to suffer Risotto's wrath since she'll be long gone along with Sorbet and Gelato before their capo could even go back home.

► Cue to three of them laughing like maniacs at 6AM as they drive to Oneira's house to hide using Ghiaccio's car that's covered in pink glitter and puke, with Melone passed out naked and tied in the trunk.

► "Hello?! This is Formaggio, where the hell are you guys?! Gelato, i could hear you guys laughing, come back here you cowards! Risotto's gonna kill us!" "I'm sorry but we missed the part where that's our problem*hangs up*"

With the JoFoes

► This would be a whole another AU from the ones above since Hiraeth only knows Diavolo and Doppio but her with the other villains would be more chaotic than when she's with La Squadra.

► Since this is an AU where Hiraeth doesn't really have to be either Oneira or Maestra, she can do whatever she wants(Hell yeah)

► So if they ever watched JJBA with her, they all better prepare to be bullied for the next 5 days.

► "Dio, wHY?! " "Imagine getting your ass kicked before stands even existed. Atleast, you're sexy though. " "DIO please, you look like a banana fuckboy and you kill dogs. " "Kira, i don't even know where to start. " "Maybe if you stopped shouting your stupid villain monologue then you would've gotten the arrow. "

► Everyone's laughing until it's their turn to be bullied for the dumb shit they did in the show. No one's truly safe except for those whose parts still hasn't gotten an anime adaptation.

► "Atleast we know basic math, Hiraeth. Go back to Fugo and join Narancia, maybe you'd learn something from that 16 year old. " "HOW DARE YOU?! "

► When i said no one's safe, i meant it^

► Don't worry, they're all still buddies and would still start fires together at the end of the day.

[mikemoon]

( choi yeonjun, cis man ) have you seen MICHAEL “MIKE” MOON ? i heard HE is a COMPUTER SCIENCE MAJOR at SAN VERTO COLLEGE and an EMPLOYEE at HALL OF FILM. they’re 22 years old and they’ve been living in san verto for 6 YEARS. they tend to be CARE-FREE & ADVENTUROUS, but rumor has it they can also be GRUMPY & CLUMSY. [ tally, 25, gmt+4, she/her ] @foolsstarters​

tw // mentions of depression, cheating, divorce, underage drinking and smoking

michael moon, born myungjun moon –– choi yeonjun fc

birthday: september 9, 1998 - 22 yrs old ; virgo

cis man, he/him, bisexual

born and raised in philadelphia, pennsylvania

mike grew up being an only child, and always around the company of his mother in their house. his father was always traveling back and forth from south korea to the states for work. his parents have met at work on one of his father’s trips to the states, and they fell in love. his mother being american-born, she couldn’t really leave philadelphia. she loved it there. so they decided to keep it a long distance relationship.

sometime during those fleeting meetings, she had gotten pregnant with michael. and of course, his father spoiled them both, giving them everything they wanted. he never left them to fend for themselves. when the boy was born, his father named him myungjun, and his mother decided to name him michael for his english name. the nicknames jun, mike, and sometimes junnie were often heard whenever his parents or childhood friends called him.

up until mike was five years old in 2004, he’s lived with his mother, while his father was leaving and coming back for a week or two. but that year, he’s finally moved to the states and stayed with them for longer nights. he even finally married michael’s mother. of course, he still disappeared for a few days or weeks on end for work.

but that was also the year michael’s mother found out that her husband was with another woman. michael has never seen his mother break down like that before. sadly, the young boy was peering into the room when the fight happened and witnessed everything. his mother made her partner choose between the two women, and he eventually told her that he was going to divorce his first wife for her, and appeared to have gone through with his promise. because after that incident, he’s been around more often.

by early 2015, when michael had just turned 16, his mother had gotten a teaching job in ashdown academy, which resulted in their move to san verto, california. meaning, new school and new friends for mike. meanwhile, his dad was still traveling a lot for business and coming back whenever he could.

michael has grown up as a cheerful and energetic child. his friends at any school he went to would tell you how much of a great friend he is, how trustworthy and caring he is. it was so easy for him to make friends anywhere. he was the type of friend who would smile at you and listen to you talk on and on about whatever you liked, and the type who would cheer you on with anything you want to achieve. he wanted everyone to feel included and loved.

so it wasn’t that hard for him to get along with new people once he moved to town. he was a very social person. 

he was also the type of teenager who was out there doing things he wasn’t supposed to. he missed his old friends and his old home, but he wanted to have fun with all the new kids he was befriending. that simply resulted in him going to house parties as an underaged teen to ‘have fun’. his mother didn’t approve of him coming home very late at night, clearly smelling like smoke and alcohol. 

internally he was a depressed mess. of course, no one is completely happy as they grow up. his family was a mess, even if it appeared as fine to everyone else. his family life affected him so much while growing up. mike sometimes could disappear for a few days in his room, and it was always during some of his bad spells.

what made it worse was the day he found out the truth.

it was 2017 when michael walked into his father’s office in their house, looking for him to ask him about something. and instead of finding the man, he found a stack of papers poking from underneath his father’s laptop. upon closer look, they appeared to be divorce papers. michael’s heart sunk, thinking his parents were breaking it off.

michael is a curious kid, he couldn’t help but close the door and read the papers. but what he saw wasn’t his mother’s name, it was another woman. his heart raced, as he put things back where they were and immediately left the room. michael had found out one of his father’s many secrets. he never divorced his first wife all those years ago. he lied and somehow stayed with both women without suspicion... well, until now. clearly the other woman was breaking it off for a reason. 

michael couldn’t help his curiosity. he came back to the room later that night and snapped as many pictures as he could of evidence he could find. he even found his father’s phone (which was easy to figure out the password of) and found a plethora of pictures of the man with a different family, different kids and a different partner. he airdropped the pictures to himself to avoid leaving any traces behind and quickly left again.

a quick search on facebook, and he managed to find the first wife. it was easy with the name and pictures he had. if anything, michael prided himself on being a good internet detective... or stalker. he spent everyday trying to find the rest of the family on the internet. he found the woman’s young daughter on instagram and twitter, along with her older son’s accounts as well. it felt weird. it was a constant “now what?” for michael. he’s found them. what was he going to do now? he couldn’t just message them and tell them everything. and he couldn’t break his mother’s heart by letting her know.

except he had to let her know. he could never live with the fact that he knew his father was betraying her this entire time. and so michael told her everything, and after comforting her all night when she broke down yet again, she immediately ended things and asked for a divorce. now it was just michael and his mother, all alone. and for once, having to get by on their own.

thankfully they were safe, with his mother’s amazing money management skills, and the job she got at the academy, they managed to live their regular lives despite the heavy feeling of a broken family looming around them. the two just wanted to be happy again.

michael spent the next few years trying to lead a normal life. his mental health had gotten worse after everything he’s found out. he went to college, and he continued trying to do well in school. he really wasn’t the best when it came to grades, but he was trying his best.

and truthfully, he couldn’t help but make a few spare accounts on some social medias to follow his father’s other family.

but he eventually decided to just let it go, assuming they definitely knew about his mother and himself, which would explain the first divorce. so he decided to put it in the past and move on.

his mother has moved on as well. she found herself someone who actually cares about her so much (mike’s stupid ass has done a secret background check to make sure this dude wasn’t another cheater lmaoo) and now mike isn’t an only child anymore. it’s been 2 years since his little sister yuna was born, and he loves her so much. he still isn’t used to the idea of a new fatherly figure in his life, but he’s.... getting there. 

little dumb hcs

mike majors in computer science at san verto college, with a concentration in game development and design

hes a lil gamer boy,,, u KNOW he’s that annoying dude with a gamer chair that has a sound system in it khjkh

he posted a few videos on youtube but rly just ditched the channel after like a month. he still posts whenever he feels like it tho and it’s usually just.... messy gaming videos or opinions no one asked for

his dad’s dumb ass still doesn’t know it was mike who exposed him to his mother. he thinks she found the divorce papers on her own. therefore.... mike still gets money from his dad on a monthly basis and gets to keep the car he bought him for his 18th birthday lmaooooo a win 

you probably heard me say this before but.... theres a hc that mike is allergic to eggs. simply bc the idea of him shopping in the vegan section is funny to me 

this boy has a love for frogs ? idk where the obsession came from but you bet you’re gonna see a cute lil frog sticker on everything he owns. he doodles them on everything too ? it’s a habit at this point. he also knows random little facts about them and tells them to anyone who didnt ask for them 

. embarrassing but.. this dude... omg.... a big sana stan.... he has a photocard collection.... he went to a twice concert like 5 times.... dont be surprised if you see a feel special sana photocard in his phonecase.... im embarrassed of him 

he also has a hyunjin mcdonalds hashbrown photocard framed that a friend gave to him for christmas bc.. it’s a rare card,,, and you can see it on a table by the door when you walk into his apartment 😭

mike also has a habit of buying things he doesn’t need ?? he has a plushie collection that has been growing since he was young, and now is getting bigger with the rise of squishmallows

there’s this random hc where he drunk bought a cardboard cutout of john cena ,,,, don’t ask,,, it’s currently guarding his room back at his mom’s house djfhdj

can you tell mike is my most embarrassing , most chaotic character,, 

also he moved out after graduating school and when he started to attend college,,,, gimme some roomies pls

connection ideas ??

michael’s childhood friends; could’ve gone to the same school back in philly before he moved away ?? 

friends he made when he moved to town?? mike is very social and was... kinda popular in school, i’d say. he made friends with basically anyone he found interesting

michael’s ex; they could’ve ended on a bad note, or even on a good one and ended up being friends. im really up for plotting anything.

michael’s best friend; PLEASE i love wholesome best friend plots. it doesn’t matter if they met in san verto or philly

roomies pls !!! i would love it if he could have some roommates who have to deal with his very . peculiar decorating habits 

co workers ?? customers ? regulars ? he works at hall of film ! 

like this to plot or hmu !

[anythingtrxsh]

Hello! any underrated fics that you're just DYING to read? or have read and don't understand how they don't have more attention? Any scenarios are fine! ty!

omg okay so for fics im dying to read i have a few that im waiting for them to be complete? so yeah, i am literally suffering here but alriGHT ill take it. 

tbh with you this was such a fun ask to answer, ily anon<33

fics i cant wait to read

just look to the moon [151k] by taecheeks {just like it happened with chemistry, the one thing keeping me from reading this is the word count thats scaring the shit out of me (and also i barely even have time to read a 5k fic these days so im sAAAD)}

bloodhorse [55k] by batman {my baby tay recced this fic to me and i heard the writing is crazy good. its got something to do with horse racing i think? im not sure, but its on my list!}

Speed Demon [50k] by lethallergic {one of you actually recced this fic to me not long ago and i still havent got a chance to read it but i definitely will!!}

nighttime daydreams [33k] by veridiae {the summary for this one is just screaming my name and im so ready for this fic to claim me i am rEADY}

all of you, all of me [24k] by conclusions (introductions) {HHHH IVE WANTED TO READ THIS FIC FOR AGES AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I HAVENT YET IM SO STUPID SO STUPID ITS NOT EVEN LONG WTF JAS}

the sweet escape [22k] by starbloom {this one definitely intrigues me, especially because ive heard the write is a very good one. and also i love me some travel aus}

how to talk to other humans (and other valuable life skills) by drawingspaces {WIP-- i am actually really excited about this fic bc its a singledad au!! and we all know i LOVE those.}

symbiosis by taecheeks {WIP-- what we are NOT gonna do is pretend miss avery isnt absolutely amazing at writing long ass fics with the most delicious slow burn. she’s doing god’s job at spreading the arranged married taekook agendAAAAA}

underrated fics (according to me)

Life As We Know It [61k] by adrenalinecaged {im not a huge fan of abo, and specifically not mpreg, but this fic is just?? it for me?? i really loved it. like a LOT. like i keep re-reading it all the time bc omgggggg yes}

to always follow the sun [36k] by thruspring {this fic is my child and i will protect it with my heart}

Sibylline, Oblique (Sweet) [32k] by veausy {ma’am really has a way with words and i love her<33}

the happiest place on earth [15k] by taecheeks {this might actually be my favorite fic by her. i just loved reading it so much and i loved how happy my heart felt after i finished it}

I want you, I’ll color me blue [10k] by blackberryboy {i literally cannot WAIT for this writer to post more fics}

happy reading!! 

[cxgvs]

hello its me

hmm idk why i wanna write something here tho yknow i think tumblr d worded to my same gen tumblr moots ...

anyway

maybe one day when i die, my friends & family will find my blog and just /know/ you know but lmao theyre probably just gonna find my yn fics hahaha

anywayyyy back to the real reason why i wanna write here...

i find it scary im having these kind of thoughts lately i dont know if its because of my job? (maybee? its actually the only reason i see rn?) bc honestly... im doing fine in all other things..

friends? theyre okay.. we talk and meet up if this lockdown permits (yup 2021 and still in lockdown)

family? we're good as well.. im happy theyre healthy and well (hope it continues like that for a long time)

me? well.... i guess the problem starts there lol idk i keep having these thoughts bout wanting not to wake up from sleep yk lmao and it actually stems from not wanting to go to work with the role that i currently have ....

maybe im being ungrateful rn but i really feel like its not healthy for me to be in this role.. its too pressuring, gives me anxiety.. and i know im only a month in but do you really have to be in a situation longer for you to say that its toxic for you? toxic for your mental health?

honeslty idk i feel kinda bad that im prioritizing my mental health over earning like putting myself first is something so bad lol i feel so guilty about feeling this way

and i feel that im unfair bc my family is working so hard in different countries, working their asses off, literally one have to caught the virus (theyre ok now tho) but still work

and im here,,, being a fucking baby,, whining about how THIS is the worst situation that i am in lmao

but they just dont get it,,, maybe i was mentally unstable right before all this happened (my job) and now its triggering these thoughts out of me and seriously i have never wanted to feel this way, i swear.. i didnt want to feel so broken,, so weak,,, i dont want to constantly ask for help,,, show signs that im emotionally & mentally drowning,,,, its just so hard to be living this way..

i didnt even realize that I'll go to such extent of wishing i dont wake up from my sleep

but at the same time, im fucking terrified this "life" will last longer you know?

you know how in books/universe beliefs that what you want to happen will be jinxed if you keep thinking about it lmao

im so so terrified about it like,, what if i really wanna die but end up living 100 more years lol

like bitch i dont wanna live so long if im this unhappy.. i dont want this life if im just constantly insecure about everything, how im literally fucking depressed and unhealthy..

and im so fucking sick hearing about "you can change this for yourself" "live life/change your life for you" "youre the driver of this life" bullshit like BRO DO YOU THINK I DONT KNOW THAT

Like ok man i KNOW i can change my life but at this fucking moment???? i cant???? and its difficult to just wake up one day and feel inspired and be full of energy in a mental state like this???

yall r so fucking stupid if you also think depression is being so skinny, eating less, looking stressed and fuck bc depression is also the opposite.. like honestly?? i dont fucking look depressed but look at me now tho?? haha

im overweight, i dont look sleep deprived, i still eat, and i still sleep.. im here but sometimes im not here you know?

whats worse is that depression here is being so downplayed like its just "drama"& not a real fucking disease,, i have relatives who would think - they've been thru worse and that YOU feeling sad and depressed for them is just whines and worthless drama and that youre just overreacting like you dont have a fucking right to feel that way just because theyve been thru "worst" lmao ok bitch do you want a fucking "not depressed" award

well fuck im sorry my generation have to deal with your fucking trauma bc you let it out on us just because we're younger and you dont have any idea that the shit youre putting us thru is actually YOUR trauma???? like fuck

sigh

im just so tired of this unhappiness.. i miss my old self,, the better me,,, i miss my passions,, the things that make me happy,,, bc right now, i can only do so much and still feel this way..

i can paint and sing all day but it wont bring me back the same energy, the same joy it brought to me before - and i miss that...

why do i have to be this way? i just wanna be happy..

[shadowturtlesstuff]

again but better thoughts while reading

@polandbananas20

 so my spelling is terrible in this but you know i was more focused on the book than how to spell. 

Chapter 1) good intro and good starting tone. The lady next to her sucks. Good small establishment of shane.

chapter2)shane characterisation is still consistent. I like her two new roommates (will be best friends) . My guess is the boy in the kitchen will be pilot. Family means but not intentional. Has no confidence. I was right about the boy

Chapter 3) intro of pilot properly. He's good. I love the inner monologue of shane. Trying to keep eye contact, the surprise of having a normal conversation. It sets her character well. Intro to her blog which i would love to actually read (i hope there's at least one entry we can read) pilot is a musician but not. Business major. What crap. 

Chapter 4) i really feel like shane, she is just typical fangirl/ dork and i love it. Its weird being english and reading about the things that shock them like pasta in bags.i understand the watermelon.we do get to read ‘shanes writing’ but its her personal jornal not her blog.

Chapter 5) fun chapter. Intro to rome. Love the idea that shane is heavy handed and violent. Short, not alot happened other than small character establishment.

Chapter 6)intro to creative writing class which i want/need in my life.more beatles. Woman on plane works at starbucks, will she make more appearances? 

Chapter 7) the drama???or at least wht will be the drama. Pilot has a gf, called amy (wish it was me) (wait no, bc i know that plot doesnt actually like amy anymore bc he obviously likes shane. So i take it back. I want to be shane, i mean i basically am like her but oh well.)

Chapter 8) parents. Overprotective, think they know best. Urgh. guarantee one of shanes new friends fight back to her parents to support her life choices, that do not include doctor.

Chapter 9)gets an internship at travel mag company. Thats it…..

Chapter 10)rome. Looses purse. Pilot to the anxiety riddled rescue by telling his own life story about his wallet to help calm her nerves.distracts her. Basially he would do anything for shane already.re count of rome trip from her jornal again which is a good touch to further the plot. This is making me want to read dan brown (ish) all of two books i own of him

Chapter 11) the postcards are a nice touch that i hope someone reads???? Travel buddies..just saying.chad..hmmm,im like shane,well see if he is good enough for babe. Her GODDAM stupdi mean cousins being mean on her facebook, and babe seeing (best friend moment) about pilot and the whole teasing about having a boyfriend.

Chapter 12) he didnt see (but i think he did but istn sayin anything) paris i shappening. Babe is bff confirmed and i want her as my friend 

Chapter 13)angry birds addiction starts. Level three, weak, shoulder touching it romance confirmed.awwww pilot 100% waited to sleep so he could see shane safe in bed

Chapter 14) pilot with a french accent, enough  said. The flirtinggggg.  The plane woman  is back??in paris with them????

Chapter 15)pilots choices of the back in time thing are both wit shane. Its so obvious and i love it. Pilot as a fake fangirl about the eiffel tower. More flirting,kind of. Oh god chad no.he did it. Goddammit.nooo he wull run babe and shanes friendship and maybe her and pilot. ‘Assbucket’ indeed. Her an pilot are fine and i really believe her and babe will be because when she nearly gets robbed babe giver her a sympathetic smile. Not much to go on but i have hope.

Chapter 16)okay so, fav chapter, she finally spills her guts that she has anxiety basically, that she is premed with strict parents and this is scary whilst pilots lies in bed with her to relax her bc he heard her crying. He only ecoureges her slightly before going back to his bed and sleeping. My heart, i swear, soon the roles reverse and pilot will say why he is in london and all that.

Chapter 17)babe and shane bffs confired. Chad is the worst confirmed. Of course it wasnt  break up call. Of course she wants to vist. Of course pilot is to cowardly to break up and just accepts them going to paris together. Of freaking course.

Chapter 18) do not get over pilot, it wont work. Rugby guy nooooo!im team pilot how dare you kiss shane! Wow, city of glass mention. I want to make a list of every bookmentioned.

Chapter 19) pilot is not himself (obviouls) shane is worried. She is still lying to her parents an feeling bad about. Rugby guy is thankfully a no go. Pilot finds out about the kiss and guy and is clearly silently jealous. 

Chapter 20)aww shane! Im sorry pilot sucks currently. And a stupid guys trip with flat four. No. and devil chairs. 

Chapter 21)1)love the book talk.  The loneliness is kicking in, pilot man up for gods sake

Chapter 22)this red-head plain weirdo is back and going through her list like some sort of mentore. Omg!!! No. amy is here, i dont hatte her but can she not. Also, her dad…. No! (this is the stand up moment i was on about, i hope)

Chapter 23) i do not like her dad. At all. Nooo shane...no. they found out. And acted like assholes.

Chapter 24) n1!ahhhh no! Amy has her notebook. The end is nigh.im going to cry i feel like shane. 

Chapter 25) the family dinner-family outing. Niether of them manuped and shane is depressed

Chapter 26)back in america. Still hasn’t told pilot but you know it is a slow burn

Chapter 27) I, wait? Marry, some guy? Like no. I know it’s been what six years but no. I refuse.i don’t like this so called Melvin. It’s okay she doesn’t want to marry him. She goes to see pilot and finally mans up and tells him and asks if she made it and and pilot finally man’s up and tells her no she didn’t. They get stuck in an elevator

Chapter 28) the elevators doing something. Shane wants to re do London cuz she hates life

Chapter 1?) they are both back in London? Both having the same what ever is happening? 

  Chapter 2) omg. Plane lady took them back to staRt over and pilots mad about it (obv)

Chapter 3)so… they got mad but started over and I’m excited. 100%they won’t press the restart button. I’m calling it now. Cuz pilot knows he now has a chance to do the what if’s/

Chapter 4) they keep there distance but we all know it won’t last

Chapter 5) tipsy Shane? Shawarma

Chapter 6) babe thinksthere is something going on with them( again)

Chapter7)the story about fake pilot, and the kiss. Ahhhhhhg

Chapter 8)they found the button. Shane doesn’t want to go back. I do t want them to go back. They don’t go back thank god

Chapter 9) da Vinci code flirting somehow.. Shane tells him it won’t happen u less he breaks up with last Amy.

 Chapter 10) he will break up with Amy and laris is gonna happen. 

Chapter 11) so Shane is happy again, pilot broke up with amy. Shane tried to make peace with the devil chair.

Chapter 11) they are so adorable. Aswwwwewhwhehruysnwjw

 Chapter 12) Uwuwnfhueia we get more Shane and pilot flirting, 

Chapter 13) the opposite game is adorable. I like that they get to be themselves together without the awkwardness. The start of the move game. Thats my fav. 

Chapter 14) they still have the angry birds obssesion but unlike me and supercard they know when to stop.the dance ‘move’ ahh i love. The line ‘but you do.’ just shows how much they know each other and how pilot would do anything to make her smile. And the lost move (not really a move but totally a move.) once again proves their love. Also we had that plot moment where he talks about why h chose to go to london. I adore shanes rant (?) about the things she loves. And then pilot doing the same thing. Shane vs chair is my life, like i battle chairs too. 

Chapter 15) what is tfios? Ooohhh. Fault in our stars. (i googled it)i probably shouldve known by the whole always part. The dance move came back to bite pilot in the ass and now they are dancing together. Ew chad. Yes shane! That is what chad deserves. 

Chapter 16) they get intimate and gigly and happy and aaaawwwhww

Chapter 17) im glad shane still rememebers to be friends with babe and not forget her in her lovestick state currently.

Chapter 18) her postcard….the questions that haunt her so much. Sort of accepting them herself too. She finally got to do wrecking ball, they miss internship , oh no…. Start if a downall?? 

Chapter 19) shane and pilot have fallen HARD

Chapter 20) the article is off the table. Amy is there. What the hell. No. omg pilot no, you moron. THEY BROKE UP!!! Which is fair, a break is needed. They both get back on track and then try and find a balance. Hopefully. Oh her laptop….shit...the feels when all your work is just gone. Tries to reset bc she is so depressed bc she thinks she failed again. 

Chapter 21) she cant go back (thankfully) a bookstore is always a good haven to go to when your breaking down.

Chapter 22)the redemtion (?) time to try and fix everything and get back on track.the determination and the readiness to try and make everything better for herswelf, herself, and no one else is good. She makes friends with the people in her office and works harder than befire, try to get herself out of her comfort zone and experience things

Chapter 23) the confrontation with her parents. Oh god. I hope this goes well. Its going as well as it can go. Im happy shane is sticking up for her dream so she can be happy, uugh the whole dad speech of ‘i do everything for you, i know best because im older,’ i hate it. Ooohh she is making up with leo, talking ot him this time. Im happy. Leo is gay. Cool. i hate how he got broken up with becuase of his stupid family, it sucks. ‘There is no normal.’ perfect words. 

Chapter 24) her thing is in the thing!!!( also good job me with words.) her article got published (there we go)this is where she learns she can be with pilot and be successful because tracy is with a famous author and they make it work with harder schedules. Trys to talk to her parents. This time she will make there relationship work.

Chapter 25)urgh ‘you live under my roof,on my dime…’ blah blah blah. We hate controlling parents that dont see that overprotecting and controlling their childs life does more damage than good. Babe suggest self discovery trip. Babe is a grat friends. 

Chapter 26)the button thing will work…’im mad at pilot. Or am i mad at me.’ she cracked the code. She loathed herself because of her fear of failing, but because this time she worked on herself to make herself happy she no longer hates herself. Yet she still feels the same (ish) feeling that even though she worked harder and got further that she has no summer job when she gets back to the states, her parents still wont allow her choice of work.PILOTS BACK!!!!!!! She was about to press the button and he swooped in with his music.

Chapter 27) he still follows her blog and got help from babe. His speech, finished with lamppost. Where can i get a pilot?he uploaded their song. Working through the divorce thing again but it will be better because he has shane to talk to about it. Ahhh she got a job!!! Happy ending!!! My heart!!!eeeee…

epilogoue) she becomes a successful author. Her parents have accepted her and support her. Pilots a musician. He takes her to the weird plane lady and they gobe the locket back, then he makes the ultimate move. With pictures of where they fell in love he uses the beatles russain doll things to hide a ring and when she finds it she obviously says yes. And that its unfair cuz she cant top that move. 

sooo...thats it.

i really enjoyed this book. i cannot wait for her next book. this post is longwinded i apologize but oh well? again i will link my website and review as soon as its done. so far in about five hours all i have is a paragraph so it may not be as soon as i want it to be

[inkskinned]

literally just a dumb unorganized list of school tips

source: im a grad student. i’ve had a lot of school. also i’m adhd & mentally ill and require +8 organization. this is mostly directed @ college students, but maybe high school students can use it too, fuck, idk, it’s been forever since i was stuck in that hell hole

just say “professor” either ur using the correct title for a person (will make them feel good) or you’re giving them a bigger title on the assumption they deserve it (which will make them feel good) and also prevents having to ever i mean ever use their names

talk at least 1 time a week in each class, aim for 1 time a day. even lecture classes. i fucking hate talking in front of more than 5 people, so what i would do is prepare a question about the hw/etc (even if i didn’t need it answered) to ask the professor after class so they saw me and got used to me and saw i was invested in their class. about 89% of teachers - if they see you try, they will pass you. i mean it’s literally that easy. i know people who went from like a c- but because they legit tried, their grade got bumped up to a b-. 

if u have to bring a laptop, pre-download the required material/screenshot it, and then turn off your wifi. it’s too easy to not listen.

physical writing will always give you more information recall over typing.

nobody cares about stupid shit anymore trust me they don’t remember that you were accidentally locked in a towel out of your room bc they have their own dumb shit that happened.... in college all the “cringe culture” turns into “god i wish that were me” culture ... wear ur onesie to a party trust me you make +800 friends and 799 of them will be girls telling you you’re adorable and they’d die for you

about locking urself out.... if ur like me and can breeze past post-it notes placed in obvious areas, don’t be a dumb bitch and rely on post-it-notes. while most schools offer 1 free lockout, dont rely on it - it once took 2 hours before someone could get to me. i was in a towel, which meant no phone. so like. anyway, what i do now is i put something on the handle of the door i have to open/unlock. i can’t just open the door w/out the thing falling down and making a loud “you dumb bitch unlock the door before u shower” sound. 

this works for all important don’t-forget it things. other obstacles i’ve used to remind myself to do something include: putting a chair with my wholeass posterboard in front of the door, an entire printer with a single piece of paper that just read “for the love of god check to be sure you have that essay”, and a recycling bin i kept forgetting to empty. guess what bitch finally emptied the bin once it was between me and a swift exit!

no offense and like the whole “it’s the best years of your life!” thing is great but in reality everything goes better scholastically when you treat it as “i came here to win, not to make friends.” i still did make friends, went to parties every weekend, was popular enough i’d be invited to several on one night - but i came there to win. when i put my scholastic life and my mental health first, i went from a 2.0 to a 3.98. yes you can, bitch.

you’re spending the money. don’t squander it. trust me when i say i know plenty of people who breeze through, bc you often can. but like. don’t. challenge yourself bc like. talk about an investment.

if you hate your major, change it. don’t make your life something you can’t stand. on that note, do NOT agree 100% to a track until you have at least some experience in the field. i cannot tell u how many ppl i know who got their whole masters/phd program done, walked into their new profession, and were like, Oh Fuck, I Can’t Live Like This.

college literally offers so many free things and if you’re not taking advantage of them whenever possible i get it but like. try to take advantage of them. this is everything from your gym (which probably has free classes dude) to clubs to like. sober events. these sober events are so ... fuckin good dude i’ve made mason jars with little plants in em... bee aviaries... candles.... go to the free stuff

oh ps on free stuff i wanna say about 4 of 5 days there’s free food on campus just look for things like job fairs, presentations, or discussion groups. also while you’re there at the job fair like. u know, go to the job fair in earnest

i took off 2 years to work and also to just. recover from my bullshit. and it took me 6 years and 3 schools to get my bachelor’s. it wasn’t easy but bitch i lived. there’s no such thing as “too long” to graduate if that’s truly what you want to do.

if on the meal plan, eat as clean as you can the first week. then introduce each part of the cafeteria’s possibly-food-poisoning-creating foods one at a time. give @ least 2 days between each experiment so you know for sure if you get sick what caused it. i literally never eat meat at school but you can still get sick off of unwashed lettuce/salad dressing that hasn’t been refrigerated properly/weirdass things you won’t even think of. this prevents like. dying in a public bathroom.

white loaf bread can be gross & boring. discount bakery section for your slightly chewy artisianal bread needs. if overstale, either toast it or dunk it into water and microwave it (unless u got an oven. use the oven if u can)

steal as many apples from the dining hall/events/etc as physically possible just do it they keep FOREVER and @ some point you’ll be like. fUCK i need a nutrition. ps if you’re keeping them in ur backpack (i wouldn’t keep more than 2) make sure to wrap w/a few paper towels so if you drop your bag you don’t get apple mush

write it all down bitch. “i’ll remember it” no you won’t. unless you are capable of remembering every idea on this list and in order, you won’t remember it. in general, if you write something 3 times, you will recall it correctly at least 80% of the time. i also read it out loud to myself, bc, you know, auditory recall

DO NOT just put your assignment at the top of your notes, unless you’re 100% sure that will work for you. in most cases, it’s much better to have a planner/agenda/place you expect to look for assignments. +7 points if you lie to yourself about deadlines and move them all up.

like not to sound too much like a DARE ad but like. if you don’t like it/don’t want it, don’t fuckin do it. the idea that “there’s nothing to do if you don’t party” is such bullshit. like i promise if you’re like “i am a grouch and want to stay in and binge netflix” about 45 ppl will show up in pjs like “bitch fullscreen it, im a grouch too.” there’s also like. the chance to just.... not overindulge. on wednesdays i have “wine wednesdays” where we sit around and drink a glass of wine while we do our hw. it’s chill and friendly instead of like. drink until u vomit. don’t feel like you either gotta slam the breaks or the gas pedal, is what i mean.

PLEASE know the signs of alcohol poisoning/overdose. most schools have a “Safety Always Matters Most” policy, which means that you can call for help w/out getting into trouble. if you think someone is in danger, act. this also goes for making sure ppl get home safe even if they’re just incapacitated, not poisoned. step in, dudes.

also just. notice when ur starting to rely on stuff too much. i’m super easily addicted to things, so i keep a healthy distance from liquor. i don’t let myself “drink to feel better” bc that’s a scary, scary thing to link to feeling better. if you or somebody u know starts drinking all the time/gets anxious if they don’t drink/drinks in the daytime .... get help. schools have counselling services for a reason.

you’re gonna get a cold/flu of some sort in the first 2 months just brace for it. in the meantime, drink vitamin c, try not to touch too many handles, and when people say “there’s something going around” believe them.

watch kaplan nike just do it 

if you can teach it, you know the material. a super good way of knowing if you studied the right way is to try and teach the material to a stuffed animal/imaginary class.

“i don’t know how to study” bitch me too the fuck. this is usually bc we’ve been taught that studying is just sitting down and staring @ ur notes. it’s not. it’s different for everyone, and you need to understand it’s 99% preventative care. if you don’t go to the class or do the homework, studying is going to fucking suck, bc you’re learning the material all at once for the first time. the place you should consider “studying” is “i’m confident in 70-90% of the material, but need to review.” do not let yourself fall behind .... just go to office hours and ask questions if ur not getting something. studying should feel like you’re remembering what you already knew but kinda forgot, not like you’ve been blindsided.

the whole “writing it down in ur own words” while u have been told this 700 times it really helps bc it means u gotta translate it through your own understanding. if you can’t, and it’s not bc the material seems too obvious to you to state in another way - ask yourself if you don’t understand the material. chances are u are missing a bit of info.

i know it’s like A Thing that Some People do but i never had the mental health points for it but i know some people just take 15 minutes after every class to review their notes. since i’m 100% early to every class ever, obnoxiously so, i try to do it before class. having the last class’s notes up in my head super helps. like. put down the phone i know you’re socially anxious me too but review those notes. chances are if u start flipping through pages other ppl will too. this is also fun bc as soon as you start this whole thing, at least one person will be like “is there a test?” no bitch there’s no test but im gonna be ready when there is!

literally so much of success is fucking posturing i could link about 800 peer-edited studies that show that when a student is expected to do well (and knows they are), they do well. like i literally didn’t change my appearance at all, never bothered to look nice (once winter hits i wear 67 layers all the time), but when i showed up after my 2 years off from school, i presented myself with the whole “i came here to win” vibe and people... really respected me? i mean in hs i remember ppl saying shit like “yeah, well, you aren’t gonna have the homework”. by the time i was in college i had an honest-to-god conversation which included someone being like “so tell me what you’re overachieving at right now” like they just expected it from me. wild.

i live by “bite off more than you can chew, and then CHEW IT” but it’s probably unhealthy. the truth is that i have a lot of energy all the time (lmao adhd!!!) and i used to get told i was “trying too hard” and for a long time (still???) i didn’t (i don’t?) know what that was, you know, bc i had a D average, clearly i wasn’t trying. it turns out i was just. putting all my energy into stuff that wasn’t making me happy like toxic friendships etc. when i decided “nope, all this energy is for me and my schoolwork”..... uhhhhh suddenly i was a golden child and everyone praised my try-hardness ... it’s a fuckt up system tbh

take at least 1 class just for fun. i try to do that every semester. it helps break up all the requirements. if you’re like an engineer and got no time or credits left to spend, try to audit your fun course.

make ur advisor love you i don’t care what it takes make them cupcakes show up to thank them i dONT CARE just do it 

the library isn’t always the best place. if i start getting anxious bc i pavlovian train myself that library=work, i find a new place to go to do hw. try to go outside if you can!!! not like where i live bc like it’s snow all the time but try. a little green really really really helps depression. 

if you’ve been in the same “Studying” place for 1 hour and haven’t done anything the chances are Something Isn’t Right. first, look @ ur body. are you not focusing bc of some pressing physical need? sometimes just taking a shower and coming back helps. are you uncomfy? are you too comfy and going to sleep? if body okay, look @ the material. do you not understand it? do you just need to switch to a new topic for a little bit? can you find a youtube video that will help you better understand it? make notes on what you don’t get so you can ask in the next class. if it’s not the material, it’s not ur bod, check the Actual Space. sometimes just getting up, going for a short walk to a new place, and trying it there actually? really works? if none of this is working.... try ur brain next. hardest to reset bc like, what, turn it on and off again? i use things like caffeine, a short workout, a nap, or a podcast all to just... give me a little boost. 

don’t be afraid to leave. i mean this about class, friend groups, and the college ur at. just get up on outta there if ur not feelin it. i cannot recommend “drop the class” enough. even if it’s a required course see if u can switch the times if u hate the professor day 3 it’s not gonna get better just get the fuCK out

don’t nap in the same position u go to sleep in, nap upside down w/ur head away from ur pillow. don’t ask me why but it works to 1. fall asleep faster 2. make sure u sleep okay at night and 3. wake up less annoyed 

on that note don’t ever do anything in ur bed in a sleeping position unless it’s genuinely sleeping in it. body will get confused. just sit up, lazybones.

when/if the library has those therapy dogs during finals week.... just go pet them make the time for it

ask before hugging people, but don’t expect a “yes”

get a backpack that fits and doesn’t hurt ur back u fuckin hippie idc how cool it is to wear ur backpack super low just don’t do it it’s not worth it

the tutoring center is a fucking goldmine.... free essay edits my dudes

bring a fan dorms are always hotter than u expect

switch dorms if u can if u realize ur in the wrong room/wrong roomate like just don’t bother with nonsense

when in doubt, follow preschool rules. tell ppl when they did something cool, just ask when u need help, and be confident even in your mistakes, because at least u tried

[queer-starling]

Flower ask: also all of them. you get to suffer with me >:3€

oh darlin’ we’re in it now huh

Alisons: Sexuality?

homogay

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

she/they | all gender will be shot on sight

Amaryllis: Birthday?

sept 23rd

Anemone: Favorite flower?

monkshood

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?

stranger things or ghost adventures

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger?

like? distance? a couple miles probably

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?

“We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little lifeIs rounded with a sleep.” William Shakespeare, The Tempest

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?

wild cherry capri sun

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

ima change that to ‘kiss the last person u thought abt kissing’ bc YES

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?

*jenna marbles voice* hell yeah!!

Baneberries: Favorite song?

waiting for the end - linkin park 

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

chaos

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it?

i have too many to list !!! brandi, kasey, you, liz, ivy, nick , just to name a few!!

Begonia: Favorite color?

blue uwu

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

foxes !! and opossums

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

night time babey

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

either a fox or an opossum or a raven, i think

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

i wanted to be a vet !!!

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?

theyre ok as long as theyre not screaming and/or mine

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?

i don’t liike vomit bc. nastey (trauma i think) and i don’t like old ppl well. i dunno why? they’re just so old and fragile and helpless and sometimes they’re really mean and idk i think it’s like something to do w death or something LMAO idk. also i just hate the idea of becoming old and having to rely on other people ?? hhh

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

i was bullied a lot

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?  

realistically? probably playing dead by daylight with my girlfriend ADFSGRHYUTR

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

happily taken 

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

ireland, scotland, alaska, greece

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?

whenever my friends or family tells me they love me but esp when u text me goodmorning or when we say our goodnights sorry im gay haha

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?  

i have. uuuuhh 6

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?  

no!!! i want some tho :(

California Poppy: Height?  

i think im like. 5′5 or something? give or take an inch ?

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

oh absolutely. my house is haunted as we speak

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?  

bmth hoodie and pajama pants w foxes all over them. i just woke up lol

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

yeah i always keep one on in the bathroom

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?  

my sister bc she came home from college yesterday

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?

ask me in like. a little over a month from now ;)

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

FONT??? the animal crossing font

Columbine: Are you tired?

oh absolutely

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?

thanksgiving, christmas, seeing my gf, magfest

Coneflower: Dream job?

idk if it’s a job but i just wanna own like. a ranch that takes in all sorts of animals and takes care of them

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?

introvert 

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?

ooooh yeah

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?

i mean. depends on what they want/need. distance wise? i’d travel the known universe for u  

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

he was a plaid teddy bear his name was Stanley!!!! i miss him :( but now i have Little Moon God as my favourite stuffed animal 

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

Libro

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

Working in Yellowstone is something I’ll never forget

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?

well. hmm. i was gonna say flying to yellowstone but maybe driving to north carolina by myself bc driving long distances alone to places i haven’t been before gives me hella anxiety (i’m better now)

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)? 

i don’t pay rent in this house to listen to their opinions lmao. 

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

you, i think, when we said goodnight last night!!! EDIT: you this morning!!

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?

being bad at dead by daylight

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

dead by daylight

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

(little over a month now but uhhh) GOT A UH ......GIRL.....FRIEND ...... GOT TO VISIT GIRLFRIEND ........ and got the windshield finally replaced in my car 

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

i dont know! so far ive laid in bed now im at my computer answering this. not too bad. my shift is only 4 hours today. 

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

for the most part, i’m pretty content, yeah

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?

MOVE OUT 

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?

my friends, my mom, my sisters, my girlfriend, my bastard dog

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?

metal   

Hellebore: How do you show affection?

what does this mean. physically, i’m very affectionate, i just. don’t show it alot bc anxiety/i overthink. that and i constantly tell ppl i love them and what they mean to me 

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?

whoever is reading this

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

wake up next 2 a cute girl. take way too long to get up. go climb mountain w cute girl. vibe on mountain w cute girl. go to waffle house 2gether. gome home and vibe. play video games or watch a movies/tv w cute girl.  

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?  

i like to make art or play bideo jame

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?

oh gosh i dunno. the ones i’ve known the longest are kasey and brandi, and i’ve known them both around/over a decade i think. we met in middle/highschool!

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?

you, ivy, liz

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

so many 

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

idk man but i remember when you said u had a crush on me and then i posted a selfie and u were like ‘OH NO SHE’S CUTE” and like ??? idk i think that was definitely the first compliment to ever shock me LMAO 

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

6.9/10

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

my tattoos

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself? 

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGGViLwHEUk

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

i liked to play zombies ate my neighbors on the sega genesis !!!!

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?

eliza !!!! we lost touch a few years after i moved away :(

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?

ima be real everything makes me feel guilty

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?  

aaaaaa the whole abi/moon incident 

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

my name is fox. it means i like foxes

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

northern virginia babey !!!! that place fucking sucks!!! but everyone who lives up there thinks they’re hot shit. 

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

i had a bunkbed and i think the walls were pink 

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?  

😬 i’m just gonna say i’m much happier now and i’m coping with life and shit a lot better  

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

she’s sweet and funny and i love her so much!! she always does the Most for everyone, sometimes to the point where she isn’t concerned abt herself and i see where i get it from. but yeah my mom is great, my dad doesn’t deserve her 

Onions: Tell about your dad.  

source of a lot of trauma and why i have so many issues regarding men. i don’t wanna talk about him anymore LOL he doesn’t deserve the attention

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

my dad’s mom is becoming senile and i think she’s racist and queerphobic. my mom’s parents disowned her a few years ago so we don’t talk to them anymore 

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?

i dunno. i don’t try to remember my birthdays. whenever i can go to busch gardens for my birthday i usually have a lot of fun there. 

Peony: What was your first job?

if you don’t wanna count working w my mom as a florist, target was my first job back in 2016. i found my name tag the other day , actually

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?

WELL, i know you followed me on here first. and then twitter?? but we didn’t really start talking until stranger things 3 came out (thank u stranger things) PHYSICALLY, we didn’t meet until fursonacon (haha. i remember when u texted me that u got to the hotel and i came down to help n i saw u unloading yr car and it was then that my brain was like OH NOOOOOOOO and my heart was like OH YEEEEAAAAAAAH) 

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?

physical, mental, or emotional? i play a video game or listen to loud music

Pink: Where is home?[

somewhere in appalachia i can feel it in my stupid soul 

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change? 

idk man i’m pretty content w where i’m at now so 

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

chester bennington 

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

i have a waife and we have many great pets and we live in a log cabin in the mountains or in a nice victorian in a small town or something IDK but we’re happy and that’s all that matters 

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

God

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

my mom, me best friends, my girlfriend

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

my girlfriend’s laugh because it’s THE cutest shit and then when she giggles??? oh my heart 

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

oct 23rd, 2005, we brought Fat Boy Zack home !!!!

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

July 22nd, 2016. i was 2200 miles away

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?  

to be holding my girlfriend >:(

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

hhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

those i hold dear

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

enough, i guess? 

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

my girlfriend

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

it’s fucking BORING and TOO EASY and they don’t pay me ENOUGH but i can get away with so much shit there so ima still go, ima still go 

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

all of the flannels currently in my possession

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.  

mountains, woods, forests, cabins, autumn, cryptic, occult, victorian, edwardian

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?

if someone gets me a gift i’m legally required to execute them

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

this 40hr workweek i got coming up 

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

i have not read in So Long

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

Moved out away from here lol, we’ll see

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

:/

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

i’m a furry

that was SO LONG im sorry i also put you through that but THANK YOU ENJOY READING ILU

[its-my-mental-breakdown]

have some angst

bc im feeling sad time to vent it out with writing, even if it sucks  trigger warnings: cutting, blood mentions, tenticals, blades, and intrusive thoughts, along with some people telling remus to get rid of him self i just wrote some things bc i was feeling like crap. -adrian/nova

remus was walking down the hall to his newly moved room. he wasnt doing anything, he wasnt hurting thomas, he wasnt using his ‘creativity’ badly. he was just walking down the hall, just as roman walked by him.  roman leaned over and whispered “remus, you shouldn't be here your a villain and its my job to get rid of villains, but because the others like you, how bout you get rid of your self for me. like a good BROTHER should.” and then walked off. remus just stood there thinking about what roman said and then walked to his room. he closed the door as the thoughts rushed in. many people will say having anxious thoughts are bad, intrusive thoughts are so much worse. they rushed in and he couldnt stop them. ‘your worthless just go die’, ‘even your own brother doesnt love you, and your brothers for fucks sake’ “i know”, he agreed. ‘your not even a whole side just worst half of one’,  “i know i am” he muttered to him self ‘your ideas are stupid how bout you sew your eyes and mouth shut, that way you cant see or speak the thoughts’, they screamed out ‘your not even worth the fight to keep around just fade’, ‘you know try to cut out your tongue that way you cant talk’, ‘you are just a villain, a worthless piece of scum’ a thought stated but in his mind it sounded like roman talking, ‘everyone hates you your annoying, just stop breathing no other side likes you, just stop trying’ now this one he believed “i know no one likes me” he muttered to him self. he then got out the blade that was hidden in his room and started to cut first on his arms, they would heal. but for now he just needed the pain. ‘you dont do anything good, just let the real creativity, roman, have his powers back’  “i wish i could” he whispered out cut after cut on his arms, his legs, he even cut off a few of his tendrils, they would all heal,he thought.  the thoughts kept comings some times they were like ‘stop breathing it would be fun’ and others were like ‘just go and cut off your whole leg, maybe all your tendrils, maybe you would survive’ he kept sitting on his bed watching the cuts bleed, close up and then make more. he kept hearing romans words “how bout you get rid of your self for me” over and over again. “maybe i should, that would make people happier” “or i could cut out my eyes adn sew them shut after i cut out my tongue,no wait ill just fade away” he then set the blade to the side and laid back ageist the head board that had his symbol on it the sword with the tendrils, a single tower in the center with a moon over top of the lone tower, thinking ‘hey i can use my sword, if i can use my word to cut my tendrils off and then i cut out my tongue i wont be intrusive thoughts any more id just be dumb creativity, i could make others happy”  he started to cut away at the twisting appendages that were on his back, untell all but one were left he used his arm to grab it and as he started to cut, he started to sob. he sobbed and sobbed out apologies to his tendrils as they grew back, saying he was sorry for everything. so he chose to sit back and writhe in agony as they grew back and tried to comfort him as he cried into his old blanket knowing he could never be who they wanted him to be. but he couldnt change who he was right, he couldn't even if he tried. he missed his old friends virgil, deceit, even logan used to like him. but now they all hate him, because of his brother told them he wasnt a good side, not a side that was needed.so hes gonna fade away, unknowing wither he was cared for or not.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

okay, y’all, i’ve gotta back on my tl;dr bullshit soapbox about something:

so, the other day, i was just mindlessly scrolling through my corporate & capitalist hellscape facebook™️ (i.e. LinkedIn) and came across this totally trite mostly bullshit meme that was shared by some corporate executive search man (whose name i decided to crop out bc eh):

so i obviously agree with the last three points on this list, bc god yes my life would’ve been a bit better if I didn’t get all my dialogue about mental health only from teen mags and horrible portrayals in teen tv shows (and also this hellsite). and hell yeah everyone, and I mean EVERYONE needs to learn that failure is okay many situations (like failing a class in uni or school) bc everyone fails at something sometimes. and dealing with failure is HARD. and time management is something that I’m pretty sure everyone lies to fuckin hell about on their resume, bc lots of people really suck at it, myself included. so yeah. that needs to be taught. and i also agree with the “how to manage your health” point. bc thats becoming ever more prevalent and important with career burn out etc.

but entrepreneurship? people management? conflict resolution? creativity? how to manage money? public speaking? like y’all. three of those ARE taught/learned in school, who the fuck wrote this meme? 

for anyone who actually paid attention in maths class, (which is probably very few people outside of the top performing classes), there WAS A WHOLE FUCKING UNIT that focuses on financial maths (in australia anyway). I ignored this unit as well as maths in general at school, bc I generally hated maths and was convinced that I was somehow never going to get a job. but i remember the gist of the overall topic and its subtopics. one subtopic teaches you how to calculate your wages in various contexts (overtime, double-time and a half, holiday payments, im pretty sure maternity leave pay was jammed in somewhere? idk if other countries would have double time & a 1/2 like australia though). another subtopic teaches you how to calculate interest on bank loans and credit rates on credit cards. a third subtopic teaches you how to calculate savings (obvs in terms of discounts in shops)....im sure there was a bit about budgeting in there somewhere? im pretty sure there were some questions were about tax payments somewhere as a subtopic enrichment exercise? but you get my gist. are these not money management skills? in some sense? like if i could find one of my old maths textbooks or old maths books i’d give an example of a question, to make my point stronger. but the problem, like i said before, is that a load of people (myself included) just zone out in maths in high school and stop trying with it. they forget what they’ve learnt, and just remember how much they hated algebra and how they’ll never use it again. maths was one hell of a fucking strong bitch, guys. but maybe i’m wrong.

creativity? excuse me? have people forgotten about art classes? drama classes? english classes? music classes? need i go on? okay don’t get me wrong, most of these classes did focus a lot on memorising quotes or facts about people (artists/writers/poets/composers/dramatists etc) or specific  periods/movements in art or theatre or literature for example.... but the amazing sculptures/paintings etc people created in art for their final projects in year 12, or even in year 10 were works of their imagination. the scripts people write in drama or maybe english (if you had a fun teacher who did a screenwriting unit, for example) are creative asf. especially in year 12 when they do their major projects, where they may produce a monologue or a short movie, and then there’s a group piece. drama students might even make their own costumes for these performances. LIKE AIN’T THAT A LOT OF CREATIVITY RIGHT THERE Y’ALL????? and english. lowly old english. THEY HAVE A WHOLE FUCKING TOPIC ON CREATIVE WRITING FOR FUCKS SAKE. the original music people might create for their final projects too in year 12? does that not count as creativity? like yes, i know a lot of these things do still have to meet bs assessment criteria (especially in catholic schools, where the main things are you don’t offend the catholic education office and jesus/god lmao) to be considered worthy of a mark for your year 12 exams. but FUCK. HOW THE FUCK AREN’T ANY OF THESE SUBJECTS COUNTED TOWARDS BEING CREATIVE???????? like fuck your corporate creative ideation or w/e bullshit, Callum. drama and english even lend themselves to improvisation in some instances, like public speaking, which is examined further, below.

next, we move on to public speaking. this shit is basically taught from the first goddamn day of “show & tell” in kindy/kindergarten, and this fucker has the gall to say that it’s not fucking taught in schools? someone call in miley cyrus/hannah montana to throw the fuck down in this motherfucking hoedown BC THIS STUPID-ASS MEME-FUCKER HAS NERVE. i hated public speaking. absolutely hated it. even though it was ironically one of the places i ended up excelling in in english classes. even when i fucked up in my english speeches with like “oh, fuck.... said nelson mandela,  i’ve seem to’ve lost my palm card. wait, shit! there it is... excuse me while i pull it out of my ass. whoops, sorry miss” *bats eyes and finger guns at my year 9 english teacher who has her head in her hands and is done with my shit, while the class laughs at my gaffe* i’d still end up with like 73% or like 26/30. it was baffling. but for people who weren’t the class clown/smart alec like i was from years 7-10 (and like i actually wasn’t once i moved schools).... public speaking is like the leading cause of anxiety, right? like by the time i got to doing speeches/presentations at uni i was having panic attacks... the thought of presenting to my classes made me fucking sick with fear and anxiety. nearly every subject i did at uni (even when i tried to avoid subs with public speaking assessments) and throughout school had some type of presentation/speech whatever you want to call it project/activity in it. even fucking SPORT/PDHPE at school and even philosophy at uni. and these fuckers are saying its not taught in schools. FUCK  OFF. like yeah, i get that they actually mean it in the professional sense.... where people can give the sappy bs motivational speeches or an insightful ted-talk worthy 20-minute presentation... or a great sales pitch. but like??? save that for mike “my dad phoned in to EY and i have a job waiting for me after uni” mcfuck in a business major or law degree? or for clubs like toastmasters? fuck. ok enough of the skills we learn in school. let’s move onto the businesslike-sounding ones of “people management”, “conflict management” and fucking “entrepreneurship”. like. what the fuck? okay in some sense people management and conflict management could potentially be used in managing friendships and relationships in your personal life. but like. i can feel the business underpinnings and i dont like it lmao. like why do you want fully functioning adults straight out of school, franklin? and there’s extra credit conflict management subjects at uni??? or at least my home uni had it... and i never did them bc they were intensive courses during summer break lol. but the one that pissed me off the most was entrepreneurship. LIKE ARE KIDS NOT FUCKING ALLOWED TO BE KIDS NOW????? well  apparently: “NO! YOU MUST ALWAYS THINK OF MONEY MAKING WAYS TO BE RICH! YOU MUST BE ENTREPRENEURIAL!!!!!! YOU MUST GENERATE BUSINESS IDEAS FROM THE TIME YOU CAN FUCKIN’ WALK!!!!! AND SPEAK!!! CHILDHOOD AND BEING A TEENAGER DON’T EXIST WORKER BEE!!!! CAPITALISM FOR ALL!!!! WORKER BEES!!! CAPITALISM IS YOUR FRIEND!!! OWN A BUSINESS BY THE TIME YOU’RE 8 YEARS OLD!” like it’s insidious asf. and it doesn’t acknowledge that most entrepreneurs are already privileged people anyway, who usually have some type of money to start off their venture (or that’s what it feels like anyway). and yeah throw all the “THIS BOY IS AN ENTREPRENEUR AT 18!!! 18!!!???? BY STARTING HIS OWN BUSINESS AT 12!!!! WHAT A CHAMP! 😁🙃” clickbait news stories at me, but i don’t fucking care. the concept and perceived over-importance and almost preaching mindset of entrepreneurship is slowly becoming insidious and toxic asf. call me paranoid. but that’s what it feels like.

but with those last three topics, i want to make a point that school curriculum’s (in australia at least, and probably worldwide) are so jam-packed already with sport (which is pointless and shitty), geography (ok how to read maps is important, but i never bothered to learned to do it properly), history, science, english etc etc etc..... that like.... where the actual fuck are the gonna jam the above bs (people management”, “conflict management” and entrepreneurship) into the curriculum???? and also teachers are already over-worked enough as it is, they don’t need another load of shitty subjects pushed onto them. and they sure asf don’t earn enough (especially in the states) to have this bs pushed into their subject schedules either. keep them at uni, where they should be. or just in the workplace/in the general public where they belong. and if people suggest that you could probably push these subjects into the year 11/12 business studies programs or elective commerce courses in years 9/10, save your goddamn breath. like i remember looking at business studies hsc papers in years 11/12 to see what they did.... and it was pretty chock-a-block anyway. and my experience of my year 9 commerce was horrible, to say the least. let kids be kids, for fucks sake. they shouldn’t have to be fully functioning adults in the workplace, by the end of high school, for fucks sake. AND ENTREPRENEURSHIP IS NOT AN ESSENTIAL SKILL????!!!! FUCK OFF WITH THAT SHIT, WILHELM. anyway. that’s my rant over about how i hate how corporate people are trying to be #relatablewiththeyouth🙃 with their shitty versions of “10 things i wish we learned in school” memes.... and failing.... without realising that this is why millennials are suspicious and cynical about meme usage by corporate people/corporations.

[therealbanavalope-blog]

:[[ im sad your original account got got. i followed you from like, the early days. is tumblr really gonna not restore it?

I’m sad too! There was a lot on that account that meant the world to me, and stuff that I hadn’t thought to save since I just didn’t think my entire account getting obliterated without warning would be something I had to worry about. I really liked all the jokes I made recently about hiveswap stuff, and I really miss having the catalog of teal fam bullshit from early troll call release. It’s small stuff, stuff that I still have since I’m the one who drew it, but it’s the context that’s sentimental.

Honestly, I have no idea if they will. Besides the fact it seems like staff is just utterly incompetent according to some accounts I’ve found from people that used to work there, and also just. In general in how they handle this fucking site (by which I mean: they don’t) with their entirely tone-deaf announcements about the situation we’ve all been dealing with as well as ignoring all questions from anyone, about anything....

It seems unlikely?

I’ve been trying to contact support since this happened on the 17th. I’ve sent a total of 4 termination support requests, and probably 5 or 6 follow up emails to those requests with absolutely NOTHING sent back to me in response. Nothing. I’m not even getting automated email replies when I do follow-ups to my submitted tickets.

Maybe it’s just the fact it’s the holidays, which I would really like to believe, but it’s unlikely. I’m going to keep sending them requests an emails, maybe if I’m lucky someone who knows how to do their job will work there for a week and help me out before they realize it sucks and they quit.

The other part that’s bullshit? I can’t even register the same account name(s). They come up as already being taken, but don’t link back to anything if you search the url. They couldn’t even delete my blog right.

It stinks. In a really stupid fucking way, I owe part of my career to creating that tumblr account like eight years ago. I met so many friends and made so many connections through that account. I hate to say that things like that which only have sentimental value - since it’s not like I’ve lost any of my friendships or my entire career bc of it granted though my career IS taking a small dent now that nothing can link back to me from any reposts - get to me so much when they’re lost, but they do.