#the imagery on that was so good holy moly

[orathearsonman]

hey so you remember like. the scene when we first see 17th and he’s strung up in wires and dripping blood and twisted into a show of desperate repentance and then later we find out it was actually him? who did that to himself? yeah i agree it was pretty good. pretty good scene if i do say so myself. ha . Ha

[larkspurglove]

Holy moly so the Acheron and Black Swan animated short huh-

Well time to analyse the hell out of it.

First two things I noticed was that every time Black Swan tried to initiate affection of some kind (eg. kissing Acheron’s hand) Acheron pulls away, and also that it seems that Black Swan is leading the dance.

(Note: I don’t know anything about dancing to the point where I’m not sure if the dance they were doing in the video was a tango or a flamboyant waltz so take a lot of my observations about the dancing itself with a grain of salt)

Next is the images in the background of them dancing after Black Swan summons some memokeeper domain thing. (1:48 to 2:02 in the video)

All of them frame her as alone in some way, with the exception of the last image which has her standing next to someone with no discernible features. I wonder if we’ll learn who that is in the new update.

Then there’s the flashback to Acheron killing the Annihilation Gang, which seems to draw the attention of the white haired version of Acheron. It’s at this point that Black Swan is like ‘fuck’ and tries to back out but the white and red Acheron keeps her in Acheron’s memories, now leading the dance and quite aggressively too. (I have to say the way the red, white and black take over as well as the predator and prey imagery was cool as hell, as well as the feathers flying off Black Swan like blood splatters mmmmmm)

The flashes of a swan being killed by a snake mixed with the symbolism of predators chasing prey, to me, tells us two things; Acheron is dangerous, and she’s a killer by nature.

I think what was actually happening during all of those sequences with predators and prey was that Black Swan was being forced to witness the memories of Acheron killing people. I’m pretty sure it’s obvious that the stunt with the Annihilation Gang wasn’t a one off - she’s probably killed a whole lot more people.

What’s also concerning is that a MEMOKEEPER is terrified of Acheron’s memories. If I remember correctly, yes Black Swan does prefer to collect more pleasant memories, but she’s likely seen her share of darker ones too. What exactly did she see that left her physically exhausted by the end of their dance?

As for the brief appearance of IX/The Nihility, I think it definitely confirms that Acheron is an emanator. Hell, I think I can even pin down what faction she belongs to - she’s a Self Annihilator.

Self-Annihilators are people that accidentally wandered into the shadow of IX and as such become weak to its ideals. Self annihilation comes in many different forms, but the one that stuck out the most to me was memory loss.

Self-Annihilators inadvertently draw from the power of IX, making them emanators. I have a feeling Acheron has more direct permission since she’s so strong, or maybe the powers of the nihility are just that good.

Other details/mini theories

Acheron’s eyes here really remind me of our dear friend Something Unto Death but that might be more of a coincidence if anything

You might’ve already seen that acheron, the word, is connected to the underworld/afterlife, and after seeing that she’s likely killed a lot of people, it’s possible she’s a reaper of some kind. There’s definitely a connection between her name and the amount of people she’s killed

The white haired version of her could be withholding her memories to ensure that she doesn’t stray from the path of Nihility

To me everything lends credit to the ‘Acheron is a Mei who never had a Kiana’ theory I have. Also Acheron pulling away from any more romantic affection makes me think that subconsciously she’s loved before but came away scathed

Something about Remembrance, whose followers preserve all kinds of memories because they believe them to be important, and Nihility, whose followers believe nothing matters, being opposites yet being able to co-exist as long as both parties remain cautious…

Anyway I’m extremely excited to see what 2.1 reveals in a week or so eeeeeeeeee

[bonesandthebees]

AAAAAAA I FINALLY GOT FREE TIME TODAY AND HOLY FUCKING SHIT BEEEE.

im calm (lying)

bro the imagery of Tommy drowning in a pool blessed by clara while wilbhr has been drowning in her 'blessing' all his life is so good even if I am misinterpreting it [its 2 am I apologize] but holy shit the castle itself killed schlatt and wilbur left him to die there like he'd been left aaaaaaaaaa.

amazing chapter as always I'm just, words are hard right now but like holy moly

also ranboo finally isn't a snitch wooooo, but also holy shit niki as a well written antagonist (although minor?) :0 we love to see it.

-🦎

YEAHHHH the imagery of tommy drowning in holy water in contrast to wilbur and all of that was just so good. the castle itself killed schlatt and it would've killed wilbur too if he hadn't left. and in a way it did kill him. it killed the pythia :)

i love glass!niki she's so fucked up just like the rest of them

[fatalfangirl]

I don't have many new words to share, so it's fic rec time instead 💕 There's been some amazing collabs with COBB and other projects happening, and here are some of the ones I've been soaking up:

All I Ever Wanted was the World - Explicit (WIP) - by @facewithoutheart and art by @yellobb

One chapter in and I already know this is a fic that is going to have a meaningful impact. A story of found family anchored around a gay bar run by Baz (and featuring his drag persona Tyra Fangs as a headliner-check the art if you haven't seen it 😍), this fic is already delivering on vivid cinematic imagery mixed with very real and meaningful messages. I cannot wait to see where this one takes us.

Eirlys - Explicit (WIP) - by @theearlgreymage, art by @artsyunderstudy, and music by @shrekgogurt

Holy moly, this fic packs a punch that is worthy of its AU inspiration. Eirlys, even in its early stages, is giving us the brutal horror tied with deep emotional connections that you'd expect from a fic inspired by The Last of Us. Mind the tags, but also embrace moving into uncomfortable territory if you can because what sits under the brutality of the apocalyptic setting is a story explores how relationships rise and fall in the face of the unthinkable. The art and music add to the overall experience in a meaningful way that left me with the same sort of hollow chest/hope and loss feeling that the game has always triggered in me.

What Remains After The Storm - Mature (Complete) - by @hushed-chorus and art by @erzbethluna

I cannot believe I haven't recced this fic yet. It is SO GOOD. Sometimes you read a fic and you think "this is a whole ass story of its own" and this fantasy AU set on the English coast featuring fae and magic and legends made real is A WHOLE ASS STORY. The writing is so smart and the way each thread of the narrative braids together into this beautiful and complete picture of embracing your whole self and really seeing others. Incredible and one my "must read" list.

Hot N Cold - Mature (WIP) - by @whogaveyoupermission and art by @cutestkilla

This fic is just starting and it's already yum yum yum. A Watford era magical mishap with sexy results and accompanied with incredible art. What's not to love? Simon, too hot, and Baz, too cold, find themselves in a wonderful push pull as they dance around their enemies status in search of finding relief from their respective ailments. I am very excited to see how this develops 😈

Bonus non-collab fic: Use Me - Mature (Complete) - by SaccharineSalts

An oldie but a goodie. This normal AU set in college has Simon and Baz as roommates who walk a delicious line of enemies to lovers fuck buddies, and anyone who knows me knows I'm absolutely WEAK to enemies to lovers fuck buddies. At only 2k words, this fic manages to tell what feels like a longer get-together story. Lovely smut and a very satisfying resolution to a shared misunderstanding.

[pixiemage]

9 and 24

[For the Fanfic End of the Year Ask Game]

9. Longest WIP of the year

D'you wanna know something? I was honestly surprised by the results of this one. I was 100% certain it was going to be Through a Crack in the Void. It you only count what I posted to Ao3, it stands at 30,587 words, but if you add what I've also posted to Tumblr beyond that, it adds up to a whopping 38,217. That's about half the length of the first Harry Potter book, and it's still sitting near the beginning of its plot. (Which isn't the longest fic in my roster overall, because my Iron Dad Marvel fic is sitting at a over 130k words and, again, it's not even half finished akdjbakbjwkaf.)

HOWEVER, I thought I'd check Domino Effect because - ya know - I started them both around the same time so I was curious.

39,456 words, which means it beats out TaCitV by a meager 1,239 words. Unlike TaCitV it's also sitting in one Google doc, which means I can also tell you that it's 76 pages long and counting. Geez!

24. Favorite fic you read this year

I'm gonna recommend three, because they're all amazing and I can never pick one fic. (And I'm sure you've read at least one of them.) There ARE a few others I contemplated for this, one of which is the Take A Chance On Me AU I've talked about before, and one of which is a DSMP fic where Tommy respawned as a crow...but I'm not gonna bog down this post with a million fic recs lmao.

1) Adaptive Nature by @scribbling-dragon (WIP)

It's an Empires S2 fic (with Team Rancher) that's all told from the POV of The Sheriff. From what I recall he has never once mentioned his name, though we know it's meant to be Jimmy. There are no Minecraft mechanics in this AU to my knowledge, so no respawn, no inventory, and no communicators. But basically - the Sheriff is drawn to some ruins in the mesa beyond the border of the newly-founded Tumble Town. He finds a dragon statue there, is affected by it somehow, and finds himself...changing, though I won't say how here for the sake of spoilers. He also meets and befriends archeologist Pixlriffs, through whom he meets another member of the archeology guild, Tango, both of whom teach the Sheriff about something called "the corruption" that happened centuries ago. (AKA Empires S1) It's so well written, and there are so many mysteries still unsolved! The Sheriff is secretive about his past which he left behind, there's some skulk thing that Pixl is studying, there's something to do with a dragon - dude. Just - if you haven't, go read it. It's stellar.

2) Covet by Oceanbreeze7 @digitalta (WIP)

An AU in which Grian never joined Hermitcraft, but Pearl did. Grian has been missing, presumed dead, ever since Evo. Now - in Season 8 of Hermitcraft - the Boatem crew have broken ground into the void below the Boatem Hole...but the hole isn't as empty as it seems. Something is lurking beneath it, and while at first the shy and elusive creature they've named "Scout" is nothing more than a friendly and gift-giving enigma, he becomes so so much more once they start trying to figure out what exactly their strange guest is. This one is hauntingly beautiful in its writing, with some pretty poetic chapters and some gorgeous imagery. There is body horror in this, so be mindful of that, but - holy moly. It's so so good, with a pretty fantastic balance of angst and fluff and reveals, and - yes. So much yes.

3) To Hoe Where None Have Hoene Before by tablrcloth

Otherwise known as that one fic where Tango and Jimmy try to get all the husbandry achievements in Double Life. It's - guys, it's cute as shit. It's short and sweet, very sweet, and I've reread it like three times. <3

[iamkidfish]

do u have any shelby x toni fanfic recs??

yes i absolutely do! (disclaimer: i haven’t really read any high school au/modern au/not stuck on the island au)

i love you (ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard?) by @lesbiansupergirl

i remember when there were like 4 fics on ao3 and this was one of them. short shelby character study with a sweet post-rescue shoni reunion, beautiful religious imagery (that’s gonna be a theme here)

love me to death (or don't give me anything) by @e-lec-tric-in-di-go(blake0tyler on ao3)

if i was only allowed to read one thing for the rest of my life, it would be this fic. written in 2nd person, which I’m usually wary about but honestly it works so well for this fic. beautiful introspection into toni’s characterization through the later half of the show. the writing is eloquent as well, love me a good religious theme throughout. smut- but holy moly it’s hot, also extremely well written and realistic to their characters but also real life. (soft) not gonna lie, made me tear up a bit :’) seriously, go read it (also everything else they write)

to shine brightly as the sun by @paddingtonfan69

where to start?? i’m a big fan of their work and this did not disappoint. also, pads is absolutely right shelby goodkind is absolutely a closeted queer theatre girl and no i don’t make the rules. LOVE me a motif, love me some musicals, really enough said. all of the girl’s are written so well and the dialogue will have you literally laughing out loud. the ending will make you cry (at least I did) 

i found false hope in all kinds of places by  freshhellorwtv (on ao3)

DID SOMEONE SAY CHARACTER STUDY? (see i told you i have a theme) thought i was secure in my coming out journey and then cried reading this?!? Here’s a line that broke me in particular: “ Toni is fifteen, but she’s still just eight, breaking things left, right, and center.” also loved how toni’s relationship with martha was portrayed in this. i want more please

And then I crawled back to the life (that I said I wouldn't live in) by BurntToast (on ao3)

This fic gives me the post-rescue where they all live together situation that I DESERVE. Includes: Shelby being angsty-but then not, found family :’), and the Shelby x Dot brotp we all need in our lives. If season two isn’t like this, I don’t want it

(also shamelessly plugging my writing, just dropped a new fic today, check it out :D)

caught in the riptide, it pulls me back to you

post 1x10 au where the shark attack doesn’t happen and life is good until it’s not (hurt!toni and protective!shelby ft. angst, fluff, smut, happy ending)

 brb i’m gonna go reread all of these fics, since I went through the whole ao3 for this 

[lonely-dog-song]

i was tagged by @formaldehyde-frogs to post 9 albums i listened to for the first time this year!

i will tag @arkfeather &....... well i forget who has done these or who has already been tagged, so i will take the easy way out and say YOU, dear reader, can do this if you want as well and u can say i tagged you.

i want to talk about music thoughts so it's under the cut (this is also where i mention the album names in case it isn't shown on the cover)

Flowers of Evil: i'm so surprised i first listened to this at the beginning of this year; i feel like i've known it for longer o_o (probably because of space funeral). A VERY EERIE ALBUM.....! unlike anything i have ever heard >:•)

Evil Arrows: what the heck is this album cover? anyways i think this is technically a band that released 5 EPs, but I listened to the giant compiled version on bryan scary's bandcamp MANY TIMES... i told myself last year i would make sure i finally listen to it & i DID, it's very good and fun :•) some songs i don't like, but it's 31 songs so u can pick and choose to your heart's delight & still have plenty left to enjoy.

Arm's Way: this one really stuck out to me at the time but now i haven't listened to it in a while °3° good hyper energy, sometimes combined with sad lyrics, as well as some songs that i have no idea what they mean lol. i like the imagery in a lot of these songs. i was happy to listen to more islands after liking Return to the Sea so much, & it didn't disappoint!

Becoming a Jackal: i think i accidentally clicked on the "becoming a jackal" tag on a post and was like "you know what.... let's see where this goes." rly sweet singing voice with this guy, good lyrics, emotional etc. 10/10 songs to howl to! i liked it so much i bought the CD of it & the booklet is very beautiful to boot

A Sleep & A Forgetting: very mellow album compared to the other Islands albums i've heard.......... really rly loved the emotional impact of these songs.

Sleep in Color: this choice of album is only 5 songs long, but they certainly grabbed my brain! i think dreams as a concept are really interesting so this album was like YES... YES! sing about the effect of dreams on the waking world! also i love this guy's energy, he sounds like he is on the verge of yelling all the time.

Vapours: i listened to this and was like "idk, it's not as good as the other albums by Islands i've listened to :•\" but i keep coming back to it? i think some of the songs have good sounds but lackluster lyrics, and vice versa, but i still like some of the songs on this. islands rly stuck out to me this year, as u may be able to tell, so i still want to include this one :•p

Transangelic Exodus: ALBUM OF ALL TIME. I am so amazed at this album every time i listen to it, i think if i had to make someone listen to any of these it would be this one. holy fuck. wow. i don't even know what to say. amazing range of sounds, emotions, just, like. an amazing narrative album..!!! i fell in love with it while on a road trip so that really added some flavor i think.

The Electric Light Orchestra: ELO COMING IN with tha steel chair at the last month of the year! i think it's interesting how some of the songs feel like their own individual medley, with some happy, tense, dramatic parts thrown in. it's kind of weird- like emotional whiplash- but sometimes i like when music is weird bc they dare to be different and all that 3> also something about 10538 Overture grabbed my brain so hard holy moly. i think the instruments used in this album make me have a hard time telling the songs apart but i like what they did with them anyways.

[honeymoonjin]

please do rec us countless longform fics that are completed and are amazing🤲 wanted to numb the pain😭 thank you💖

get ready babey (also most of these are mxm bc i mostly read on ao3 these days, and i’m not super comfy w smut involving women anymore so mxm is like,,, a neutral safe space fksjdks is anyone else like that? just me? okay)

- queen Swamp Magic  check out the tags just to make sure ur okay w it bc there are some heavier themes but PHEW this masterpiece is essentially human jk running into witches vmin and then their life as a trio. the worldbuilding is impeccable, i deadass had dreams set in the swamp bc it felt so real, and every time i reread i procrastinate the last chapter bc i never want it to end the way the author handles genuine issues of power dynamics  and relationships is so fascinating, and i just love every tiny detail about the three main characters. they feel so carefully and lovingly thought out.

-thicc legend The Songbird and the Sea this is the fic that has it ALL: really clever plot, heart-tugging romance, fantastic worldbuilding, beautiful imagery in all the places they visit, excellent side characters, period drama realness, piratey goodness, it’s just so perfect. i’m putting off rereading it as long as possible so it can feel like the first time again. this fic is so good that the author literally wrote a sequel and put it on patreon as a genuine novel with names changed and i think they’re writing a third book.

-dreamboat Paint this fic is honestly shorter than i remembered but it still deserves a place bc holy moly its like ??? the best queer bts fanfic i’ve ever read, it spoke to me on such a deep level and i could relate to tae’s journey of discovering his own sexuality. ever since i’ve read this i can’t help but wanna write a drag au or burlesque au SO BAD but it would never live up to this iconic fic

-the only idol au i’ll acknowledge A Tale of Two Bottoms the character development of this fic is a MASTERCLASS i literally cannot get over it bc the premise is insANE but the author makes it feel so authentic my brain short circuits. the plot is basically yoonmin deciding they wanna have an ot7 orgy but trust me it is SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT (tho i won’t lie the smut is on another level of hotness it’s written so so well and the buildup makes it so brilliant)

some mxf fics on tumblr that i did enjoy that are on the long side are Void (btssavedmylifeblr, albeit unfinished this one is worth the pre-update anticipation), Sweeter Than Sweet (gimmesumsuga), 54 Days or More (54daysormore). 

i hope this helps !!!! 

[realangelgirl]

some reylo fics that you deserve:

but seriously guys these changed my life. i will continue to update this post as i find more. suggestions and comments welcome. please be aware of the tags on these fics, stay safe, love yall :)  

‘landscape with a blur of conquerors’ - (and its sequel, ‘with me, now and always’ (5) )  a canon reylo epic that is about an arranged marriage between them. the most beautiful writing and imagery, you must read this. (70)

‘a proposal by any other name’ - ben and rey meet at an airport and hate each other, yada, yada, yada. it genuinely changed my whole outlook on life and i think about it every day. the ending? i pass. (39)

‘oh autumn, oh teakettle, oh grace’ - rey is a dryad in ireland not much else to say than it is a poetic beauty (7)

‘a reylo fic’ - hehe (1)

‘the heartbreak prince’ - star wars x harry potter, the ultimate nerd trash baby very smutty, just the best (currently 35)

‘i kill giants’ - ben is still alive!! stunningly written!!! (currently 25)

‘baby, it will bury us’ - ben and rey meet in paris and um ye *cough* smut *cough*. its really good i promise. (currently 15)

‘we could plant a house, we could build a tree’ (and its sister fic, ‘find my nest of salt, everything's my fault’ (currently 22) ) - ben and rey grow up together. i have actually never cried harder. (59)

‘i thee wed’ - too cute for it to be legal (1)

‘no chance, no way’ - ben and rey work at a magazine company together and i just want to cry (7)

‘give me a run (a run for my money)’ - just classic reylo delivered beautifully what more can we ask for (1)

‘give me shapes and letters, if it's not forever’ - rey and kylo work next to each other and everything you want to happen, happens, its so cute (8)

‘our love was meant to be (my love came back to me)’ - a lil short that had me bawling, get the tissues ready lads, youre gonna need em (1)

‘star crossed.’ - rey goes and saves ben from the world between world and its fluff for days. so many tears wow. go read it cuz my friend wrote it and i said so. (currently 16)

‘of scales & sky’ - this is some crazy fantasy au, its so nice to have an absolutely wack fic out there. im so hooked. idk if its based off of something but either way its beautifully written (currently 10)

‘for now’ - holy moly. very short. very sweet. much angst. wow. (2)

‘heartstruck’ - wow. just. wow. ben and rey are soulmates and its so fluffy i could cry. every sentence that they say to each other makes me weak. (9)

ok, i command you to read all of these, they all split me like an alkane. my current top three are landscape, a proposal and we could plant a house. if you only want to read three then read those i beg you i still think about them daily. go knock yourself out, i love you!! <3

[nebulawriter]

Best of 2019

Holy Moly Me-Oh-My, I’m alive.

So a lot of life and....I guess life covers it, had me stop giving movie reviews and this blog has been kind of dead. BUT with the new year, I am determined to start reviewing things again, and we’ll start off with my best and worst of the year. This is the best list, as you could guess.

Also, 5 that didn’t make the list: Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker, Doctor Sleep, Booksmart, How to Train Your Dragon 3, The LEGO Movie: The Second Part.

#10 Jumanji: The Next Level

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle was a surprise delight when it came out, and so I was absolutely thrilled these actors would be doing another. As with many sequels, this one fell into some pitfalls, namely doing the same as the first but adding some factors. I think it was ok though, I just would have done a few things different. Still, though, Jack Black deserves some damn awards and I won’t hear different.

#9 Rocketman

I’m not much one for bio pics, but this was such an intriguing story, especially as they took it more in a fantastical direction which showed this wasn’t the events as they happened, but Elton John’s view of it. I’m also weirdly glad the parents and him never had a reconnection? It’s rare to see stories of someone just, throwing away their family’s opinions and finding their own self worth. It’s a beautiful story that made me appreciate Elton John more.

#8 Detective Pikachu

This could have been an absolute mess or a thing of beauty. So we’re lucky it erred more to the second side. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a great way for people who like Pokémon to see their game in ‘realistic’ fashion, while people who didn’t know much were introduced to it. As someone who thinks of Pokémon as a second-hand fandom, it was a lot of fun with a lot of heart.

#7 Us

I don’t think I liked it as much as Get Out, but I thought it was really nifty with a lot of cool directional details in it and great statements for the world in a scary sci-fi way. It probably breaks down the more you think about the world, but that feels like missing the forest for the trees. It’s a what if kinda thing, and it plays through nicely. Though it was scary as hell and I can’t watch it again.

#6 Avengers Endgame

I know there are people who have problems with this plot line or that character, and I feel it, but it is inherently impressive they managed to tie together all these characters and stories together into something cohesive. Overall, I felt satisfied and was happy to see the different characters interact. I still look forward to more mcu movies.

#5 Spider-Man Far from Home

So I have some problems with the villain and some of the story elements, but I love the character of Tom Holland’s Spider-man so much, along with Zendaya’s MJ and Ned, Happy, and other characters. I love them so much it overwhelms my problems with the movies and just....makes me happy.

#4 Jojo Rabbit

Jojo Rabbit wins my Underrated Movie of the Year award. I can’t widely reccommend it because yeah it is some Scary Shit so I totally get why you wouldn’t want to watch it, and the main character starts as a straight up Nazi, but honestly if you can handle the imagery and the Gallows Humor, this a super poignant piece on fascism, moral purity, and brainwashing. I wish it was more popular.

#3 Shazam!

Found! Families! Are! My! Shit! This was a fun superhero movie. In this day and age where most superhero movies are about...superhero movies.....this was a nice take to show what makes a hero a hero. My love for this hero and the Shazam/Captain Marvel in cartoons like Young Justice and Justice League Unlimited is very different, but its still very good and I do like it.

#2 Knives Out

This was my years Biggest Surprise, because I only really saw it because my friend wanted to, but Guys, it was so good. I can’t even talk about why it’s good because it would be a spoiler and this is one of those where the spoilers can affect it, but it takes great murder mystery plots and twists them so they actually are unpredictable and interesting. I love it.

#1 Captain Marvel

If you had told me at the beginning of the year this would be my favorite movie of the year.....I would have totally believed you. Captain Marvel is my favorite superhero (maybe tied with Spider-Man) and this was a great piece that truly showed off her power both internal and external. So happy.

So yeah! Stay tuned to see my least of 2019 and most anticipated of 2020

[doomandgloomfromthetomb]

Bob Dylan - Neverending Tour Choice Cuts, vol. 2 (2004-2018)

By semi-popular demand! Here’s the second volume of highlights from this year’s Neverending Tour 30th Anniversary Extravaganza. It’s a handy sampler for those of you who couldn’t quite handle listening to each and every show. (Cowards!) Lots of cool versions to check out (tracklist/notes after the jump). And here’s vol. 1 if you need it. And hey, Bob is still throwing curveballs in 2018 -- “Moon River”! “It's A Man's Man's Man's World”! What a crazy guy. 

Cold Irons Bound (Asheville 2004) 

“Cold Irons Bound” is given extra heft tonight, with drummer George Recile bashing away and Dylan’s delay-soaked vocals conjuring up an extremely ominous ambiance. Beginning to hear voices! 

“Visions of Johanna” (Dublin 2005) 

In a nice bit of synchronicity, I was reading Steven Hyden’s recent/recommended Twilight of the Gods: A Journey to the End of Classic Rock when listening and he singled out the excellent “Visions of Johanna” from this very show. Take it away, Steven: “Could this be the definitive version of my favorite Dylan song? I hope not. I never want to stop being surprised by ‘Visions of Johanna.’ It has come to symbolize the significance of Bob Dylan’s art in my life. What the narrator in that song goes through is an allegory for being a Dylan fan — if you never stop yearning, the song never ends.”

“Nettie Moore” (Los Angeles 2006)

The new Modern Times material doesn’t quite sound ready for prime time just yet – “Rollin’ and Tumblin’” in particular is a bit of a train wreck. But “Nettie Moore” is a treat, with Bob muttering riddles and half-truths over his band’s steady accompaniment.  

“Ain’t Talkin’” (St. Louis 2007)

Modern Times’ closer, “Ain’t Talkin’” is one of Dylan’s darkest latter day tunes, and it’s given an appropriately ominous airing this evening, with Dylan wandering through a surreal post-apocalyptic landscape, his band building a subtly intricate groove behind him. 

“It’s Alright Ma (I’m Only Bleeding)” (Vigo 2008)

This well-nigh country funk version of “It’s Alright, Ma (I’m Only Bleeding),” is bolstered by Donnie Herron’s grooving banjo and George Recile’s explosive drumming. A song that stands up to pretty much any re-invention Bob can think of.  

“Beyond Here Lies Nothin’” (Chicago 2009) 

Together Through Life’s opening track, does a good job approximating Tom Waits’ latter day sound, with its minor-key blues sashay, Donnie Herron’s bleating trumpet, and Bob’s carnival barker vocals. Killer.  

“Trying To Get To Heaven” (Tokyo 2010)

Holy moly, the “Trying To Get To Heaven” played in Tokyo this evening is … heavenly! Dylan sings like a bird, finding a new way into the melody, and his band chugs along behind magnificently. Dig the neat call-and-response harmonica/vocal thing Bob does on the last verse – excellent. This song is so good, a perfect evocation of past/present, physical/spiritual, earth/sky, memory/reality. The beautiful curse of consciousness!

“Things Have Changed” (Mannheim 2011)

“Things Have Changed” gets an interesting tumbleweedy remake that owes a lot to “Me And My Uncle,” making the Wild West imagery of the lyrics more literal. I like it! 

“Shooting Star” (Port Chester 2012)

Oh Mercy’s closer “Shooting Star” is brought out into the light for an emotional reading – the harmonica solo is a total beauty. Listen to the engine! Listen to the bell!

“She Belongs To Me” (Copenhagen 2013)

“She Belongs To Me” is majestic tonight. Bob delivers a strong vocal and a few even stronger harmonica solos. 

“Long and Wasted Years” (Chicago 2014) 

I’m loving “Long and Wasted Years,” with Bob’s dramatic vibe and the band’s steady backing rolling on through the night. 

“I’m A Fool To Want You” (Malmo 2015)

Give it up for Bob’s deep reading of “I’m A Fool To Want You.” He’s not Sinatra (or Billie Holiday for that matter), but Dylan finds his own way into this devastating standard. 

“Simple Twist of Fate” (Clearwater 2016)

This Florida “Simple Twist of Fate” is great; Bob’s slightly off-kilter piano playing adds a vulnerable element and the harmonica solos are gorgeous. Maybe it’s all the Sinatra material, but it had me wondering what Ol’ Blue Eyes could’ve done with this song …

“Blowin’ in the Wind” (Richmond 2017) 

The encore of “Blowin’ In The Wind” is a breezy and beautiful thing. Bob’s dive into Sinatra’s material has honed his phrasing to a sharp point, and he delivers every line of this iconic song with vigor. How many years! 

“Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right” 

We’ll end things with Bob singing the six most beautiful words in the English language: “Don’t think twice, it’s all right.” The wondrously spare arrangement is focused on piano and voice at first, with the band eventually filling in behind a perfect harmonica break. It’s unbelievable. Don’t think twice …

[fatalfangirl]

Fic rec asks! I love that you’re doing this as an ask thing tonight! I’ll go with 💌 🔁 and 😭

Thank you for participating! Full ask list is here~

💌 A fic that inspired you to create something for it

I made this embroidery after reading Local Hero by @basic-banshee. I picked up embroidery during the pandemic and there were so many lovely moments in this fic and iconic imagery that before I knew it, I was making my first ever fan art. I think everyone has read this fic by now... but if you haven't, please do!

🔁 A fic you’ve re-read several times

Playing for Keeps [the "learning the game" remix] by @mostlymaudlin captures Simon's POV in a scene from my fic Playing the Field and every time I read it, my brain explodes.

I've never had someone do a remix of my work before and Rory took Simon and ran with him in the most perfect and delightful way. It was more than I could have done and I love going back to see all the details they pulled out and expanded on. I feel like it adds depth to the original work.

😭 A fic that ripped your heart out (but it hurt so good)

What's Left by @cutestkilla. This fic ripped my heart out and then held it in its hands for the entire 134k word journey. Holy moly, I get emotional even thinking about this fic and I think about it OFTEN. I've talked about this fic so many times before, but it's one of my all time faves (if not THE fav) and I beg you to give this "Simon died and the Humdrum remains" fic a go.

I'm also giving honorary mention to Grow Old With Me by PrettyGoodOdds, which I just read today and fucking destroyed me, but I loved every word of it.

[wellntruly]

THE YOUNG POPE - 1x08

I BLESS THE RAAAAAINS DOWN IN AAAAFRICAAAAAAA

GONNA TAKE SOME TIME TO DEAL WITH SHIT I NEVER HAAAAA-A-A-AAA-A-AAVE

OOO-OOH

Young Pope Bloggin’ No. 8

man, I’m watching this previously on and honestly—we better get some gory High Catholic imagery of Pope Pius XIII with scarlet blood on his hands before this thing is out

also have we joked yet about how he is Unlucky Thirteen

is this Young Andrew Pieta’ed across Lenny’s mom’s lap. Lenny you got issues in your issues!

praying in perfect stillness at the bottom of a pool is quite a Lot and an Image, I’ll give you that

wait where do I sign up to be competently manhandled by some sort of acrobat yogi chiropractor

oh my god

oh Sister Mary :’( I miss him too

the editing in this opening is unusual, I’m enjoying it

oh the crying saint gets a feature! the Blessed Juana

Lenny: “I like this. Go on.”

so I’m pretty certain I’ve never seen this guy before though, which does raise the question: did Lenny just grab the cardinal who bore the nearest physical resemblance to Dussolier and be like “walk with me. shh no don’t ask questions blondie.”

wait a minute, this guitar song they use all the time is an Andrew Bird number! aw, bud!

yaaaayy I missed Sofia!

Lenny: I’m old now Sofia: [Will Smith bracket gestures to the title of the show]

what’s great about Sofia is that above all, she’s really good at her job. she’s the more amoral, fashion Leslie Knope: cheerful, good sense of humor, a million facts at her fingertips, always has an idea ready to go.

wooowwww the way they start standing up behind him in the hedges! the lighting! the choreography of it! the message!

in2 it

[laughing uncontrollably] this smiling dough-faced man by the landing pad

Lenny: “What…Became…of the roller-skating children?” AND IT’S JUST NOT ANSWERED, NEXT SCENE

how is this conversation with this pervy old writer man still going on, kill me

omg Esther pinned up a photo of Lenny holding Baby Tweet

of course he can’t resign, it’s only Eighth Episode

“Go to Venice. And bury two empty coffins.” yesss. bury the past, and this parents plot.

——did someone murder the kangaroo??? GOD IS DEAD

the Pope is standing in the left third of the frame staring into the camera eating a banana

do the Vatican clergy have traveling dress whites???!! tell me everything!!!

does the Pope have traveling dress reds????!!

I would say I can’t believe they still haven’t said what COUNTRY in Africa they’re supposed to be visiting, but of course I can believe that 🙄

[dawning realization] oh, oh Sister Antonia’s insufferable

“You can touch my legs.” sPiCy~*

wait holy moly Esther and her family left?? that’s what that was??? AAAHHHH

god I love when Lenny’s just a perfect idiot

oh wow there’s a whole on scandal going on! this is great, this coulda just been Lenny taking a journey that would contextualize some sort of character development for him, or at the very least a chance for him to be difficult in a new setting, but it’s all that AND there’s an independent plot going on over here! WRITING.

they’re all just posed unmoving like this it’s so unnerving!!

gosh this chaste little Voiello/Mary romance

I do enjoy when Lenny theatrically turns on people and they’re like “oh shit”

I can’t even figure out what flag this is, where ARE they

this kid nodding in the background, mood

this is a pretty good speech

STOP OMG IS THIS SOME SORT OF ACOUSTIC COVER OF ‘HALO’

‘TIS

I’m only now learning that this riverside interlude with Lenny’s parents was a memory, I had thought it a dream/fabrication this whole time

I like Lenny walking down the aisle of the plane while the journalists are all asleep

Journalist: “It was beautiful.” Lenny: “Yeah. I know.” askfjalk Lenny: “Those dancers gave a wonderful performance.” oh, aw!

God Is My Copilot

wait uh oh, this is gettin’ ominous!

is he gonna SMITE her from this GAS STATION PARKING LOT, wait hold on I would fucking love that nonsense

yaaaassss oh shit! Spooky Godchick Lenny always

Pope Notes

[vk-crzy]

Thank you @ai-kuran and @holy-moly-vampire-knight for tagging me!

Rules: Bold what applies to you, and tag whoever you’d like ^_^

Feel free to ignore this, but I’ll be tagging: @icedflower, @roxy1294, @aphrodytevalentine, and @2rsask

My personality:

I’m loud.  

I’m obnoxious.

I’m sarcastic.

I’m cocky.

I cry easily.

I have a bad temper.

I’m easy to get along with.

I have more enemies than friends.

I’ve smoked.

I’ve smoked weed.

I drink coffee.

I clean my room daily.

My appearance:

I wear a piece of jewellery at all times.

I wear makeup.

I wear contacts.

I wear glasses.

I have braces

I change my hair colour often

I straighten my hair often

I have a piercing

I have small feet

Relationships:

I’m in a relationship now.

I’m single.

I’m crushing.

I’m always scared of being hurt.

An ex has physically abused me at least once.

I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.

I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.

I’ve been in love more than two times.

I believe in love at first sight.

I believe lust is more important than love.

I’m married

I’m a virgin

I often date

I prefer to date extroverted people

I prefer to date people who are like me

I prefer to date people who are unlike me

I take relationships very seriously

Friendships:

I have a best friend.

I have at least ten friends.

I’ve gotten a phone call in the last 48 hours from a friend.

I’ve beaten up a friend.

I’ve been in a serious fight with a friend.

I am close with my friend(s)

I spend a lot of time with friends

I have a crush on a friend

Experiences:

I’ve been on a plane.

I’ve been on a train.

Someone close to me has died.

I’ve taken a taxi.

I’ve taken a city bus.

I’ve taken a school bus.

I’ve gone bungee jumping.

I’ve made a speech.

I’ve been in some sort of club.

I’ve won an award.

I’ve spent 24 hours on the computer straight.

I’ve been in a physical fight.

Music:

I listen to R&B.

I listen to country.

I listen to pop.

I listen to techno.

I listen to rock.

I’m one of those people who play songs repeatedly until I hate it.

I hate the radio.

I download music.

I buy CD’s.

Television:

I spend at least six hours a day watching television.

I watch soap operas daily.

I’m in love with Days of Our Lives.

I’ve seen and liked the O.C.

I’ve seen and liked One Tree Hill.

I’ve seen and liked Americas Next Top Model.

I’ve seen and liked Popular.

I’ve seen and liked 24.

I’ve seen and liked CSI.

I’ve seen and liked Everwood.

Family Life:

I get along with both of my parents.

My biological parents are still together.

I have at least one brother.

I have at least one sister.

I have at least one step brother/sister.

I have at least one half brother/sister.

I’ve been kicked out of the house.

I’ve run away from my home.

I’ve sworn at my parents.

I’ve made my parents cry.

I’ve lied to my parents.

I’ve lied to my parents about where I am.

I’ve lied to my parents about what I’m doing.

I’ve lied to my parents so I’d be allowed out.

I’ve walked out when I’ve been grounded.

Hair:

I’ve been brown.

I’ve had streaks. 

I’ve cut my hair in the past year.

I’ve dyed my hair in the past year.

I’ve been blonde.

I’ve had black. (my hair is naturally black with brown streaks lol)

I’ve been red.

I’ve been light brown.

I’ve been blue/green.

I’ve gotten my hair thinned.

I use conditioner.

I’ve used silk therapy.

I’ve used hot oil treatments.

I’ve curled my hair.

I’ve straightened my hair.

I’ve ironed my hair.

I’ve braided my hair.

School:

I’ve yelled at a teacher.

I’ve been suspended.

I’ve had an in-school suspension.

I’ve been sent to the principal’s office.

I’ve walked out of class.

I’ve skipped an entire day of school.

I’ve skipped a whole month of one certain class.

I’ve failed a test.

I’ve cheated on a test.

I’ve helped someone else cheat on a test.

I’ve failed Art.

I’ve failed P.E.

I’ve failed math.

I’ve failed another class.

A teacher has called my parents.

Basics:

I am male

I am female

I am neither male or female

I am under the age of 18

I am 18 or older

I am straight

I am gay or lesbian

I am bisexual or pansexual

I am trans

Negativity:

I have/had depression

I have cried myself to sleep

I have/had anxiety

I am often lonely

I keep a lot of emotions inside

I am scared of talking to people I want to talk more to

I have an eating disorder

I have low self-esteem

I often feel I embarrass myself

I have been abused (verbally, never physically)

I feel people consider me dumb or don’t take me seriously

I am quickly jealous

I feel people want me to be someone/something I’m not

I have been sexually assaulted

I have experienced discrimination/racism

Positivity:

I have become a better person

I have gotten out of a bad period of time

I am confident

I am looking forward to something

I have enjoyed myself over the past week

I have met a famous person

I consider myself a kindhearted person

I am currently feeling relaxed and comfortable

I appreciate the little things in life

I have nobody in my life whom I hate

I have achieved something large this year

I am part of a religion that brings me peace (idk I’m on the fence)

I have lost a lot of weight

I have a movie/game/song which cheers me up

I…

…get scared from watching horror movies

…play a sport

…read a lot of books

…have allergies

…feel shy around the opposite gender

…am a feminist

…own an instrument

…can draw

…am listening to music right now

…value romance and friendship equally

…have sneaked out of the house

…am outgoing

…respect people’s comfort zones and personal space

…am deaf

…spend money on a daily basis

…want to write a book

…can ride a horse

…put my hands over my face when I’m flattered

…like the colors pink and yellow

…own an xbox

…shop at least once a week

…have a drivers license

…drink alcoholic beverages

…get scared by unsettling imagery and screamers

…eat fast food at least twice a week

Likes and Dislikes:

I like parties

I dislike parties

I like perfume

I dislike perfume

I like “so bad it’s good” movies

I dislike “so bad it’s good movies”

I like playing video games (does the sims count lol)

I dislike playing video games

I like chocolate

I dislike chocolate

I like having a busy schedule

I dislike having a busy schedule

I like laughing at my own jokes

I dislike laughing at my own jokes

I like compliments

I dislike compliments

I like heavy metal music

I dislike heavy metal music

I like snow

I dislike snow

I like taking walks with someone

I dislike taking walks with someone

I like people who aren’t very talkative

I dislike people who aren’t very talkative

Random:

had/have a pet.

bought condoms.

gotten pregnant.

failed a class.

kissed a boy.

kissed a girl.

used a little paper bag for lunch.

had a job.

slipped on ice.

missed the school bus.

left the house without my purse/wallet.

bullied someone on the internet.

sexted.

had sex in public.

watched “The Breakfast Club”.

been overweight.

been underweight.

had an eating disorder.

been to a wedding.

been on the computer for 5 hours straight.

watched tv for 5 hours straight.

been late for work.

been late for school.

kissed in the rain.

showered with someone else.

failed my drivers’ test.

ran a km in less than five minutes.

been outside my home country.

been on a road trip longer than 5 hours.

had lice.

gotten fired.

had a credit card.

been to a professional sports game.

broken a bone.

been unhappy about my weight.

won a trophy.

cut myself.

had an STD.

got engaged.

been on a diet.

tried out to be on a tv show.

rode in a taxi.

been to prom.

played a drinking game.

stayed up for 24 hours or more.

been to a concert.

had a three-some.

had a crush on someone of the same sex.

been in a car accident.

had braces.

learned another language.

killed an animal.

been at a yard sale.

been to a Japanese steakhouse.

wore makeup.

skipped school.

been a vampire for Halloween.

had my wisdom teeth taken out.

snuck out of the house.

bought porn.

had a virus on my computer.

had oral sex.

dyed my hair.

gone skinny dipping.

graduated from college.

wore someone else’s clothes.

voted in a presidential general election.

rode in an ambulance.

rode in a helicopter.

caught the stove on fire.

got in a fight.

met someone famous.

been on vacation.

been on an airplane.

been on a boat.

broken something expensive.

had surgery.

kissed someone before I was 14.

beat a video game.

found something valuable on the ground.

made a survey.

stalked someone on facebook/myspace.

prank called someone.

been to a library outside of school.

cut my hair and hated it.

peed outside.

went fishing.

helped with charity.

taken a pregnancy test.

been rejected by a crush.

been suspended from school.

broken a mirror

[sending-the-message]

Reel to Real by Cymoril_Melnibone

Anyone who was a teenager in the 80s seems to have strong memories about it. It was a youthful age, a time full of flavor and color, when plastic pop fakery distracted us from the darker undercurrents of the adult world’s climate. Teased hair, big earrings, neon clothes and jelly shoes endure in the lighter recesses of my own memories. A ton of other stuff is more background focus for me; Transformers, side ponytails, and orange bubblegum that smelled like soda in the sun, but I guess certain imagery defines an age differently for different people. We’re transported back to slightly different worlds, whenever we remember. For someone else around my age, it might be a packed gaming arcade. Your lips are sticky with Fanta and the menthol burn of the stolen cigarette you just traded with someone, your mental soundtrack an out-of-synch chorus of PacMans burbling wakawaka in the background. Or maybe your memory-self is edgier; making out in your parent’s Pontiac Fiero, his denim jacket tucked into the window for a makeshift privacy curtain, and the heavy, sickly scent of strawberry lipgloss filling the tiny space. Whatever you remember, there’s often a curious innocence when people recall that era, right down to the music and the TV shows. Young people seemed less afraid to do new things, to express themselves in ways they couldn’t in the 60s and 70s, and less jaded than they seem now. But when I scrape away the brightly-lit, plastic surface of my own childish perceptions, there’s something much darker spliced into my memory reel. Whatever else it was, and whatever it was to you, it was a time of wonder and tragedy for me. I suppose that’s why I still linger there in my mind, wishing I could go back and set things right – to change history, and to bring back my friends.

    We weren’t exactly losers, but we sure weren’t part of the cool clique either. My mom was a teacher and my dad ran a furniture store with my uncle, selling ‘space-age’ mattresses and couches that tried to eat you if you sat in them too long. Chris and Toni’s dad worked at the local brewery as a foreman, and their mom sold makeup around the neighborhood. Jason was the odd one out, because he only had a mom. His dad died, working as a diver on an oil platform; but the insurance money meant that they’d be comfortable for the rest of their lives, if they were careful. Despite coming from what looked on the surface like pretty normal families, we never quite jelled with the popular kids. I was skinny and geeky, obsessed with Tolkien and everything fantasy. Jason’s love of video games also bordered on the obsessive, and Chris talked motorbikes 24/7, his room wallpapered with magazine pictures of red-and-white Japanese bikes that looked more spaceship than wheeled vehicle. He’d been saving every cent from his allowance since he was in kindergarten, in anticipation of the day he could buy his own. And Toni, who would punch anyone who called her by her full name, was far too much of a tomboy to ever fit in with all the fashion-obsessed girls at school. So we kept to ourselves, our own private little gang, and we were mostly ignored by everyone else. I suppose it was that isolation, but still being part of a group, that allowed us to just do our own thing, free from the worst social consequences of being considered weirdos. That was how we managed to start up our little film club.

  When sales of VCRs really started to boom, it had a big effect on one of the mainstay leisure activities in our small town: going to the movies. After the video store opened up, and you could rent out tapes for a fraction of the cost of a movie ticket, there was a sharp downturn in the number of folks who wanted to go out to the picture theater. At first not everyone owned a VCR. But people would crowd around a neighbor’s TV to maximize the number of viewers, stuffing their faces with home-made popcorn and drinking cheap beer. There were two cinemas in our town, and the larger one managed to keep going. But the smaller one slowly fell into disuse, eventually opening only on Friday and Saturday nights – when people were too drunk to care about the price. That meant that during the rest of the week, the theater was empty, and because his mom’s newest boyfriend owned the place, Jason was allowed the keys. The huge metal lockers in the projection room were filled with carefully labelled reels of film, which smelled of something faintly insectoid, like crushed ants. Jason had been taught the basics of how to use the projector, but as the resident smart kid in our group I quickly gained a knack for knowing how everything worked, so it mostly fell on me to sit in the booth and change the reels mid-film. We took turns picking the films. Jason nearly always wanted to watch The Last Starfighter; Chris was all about Knightriders and Savage Dawn. Toni usually went along with whatever her older brother picked, but once in a while she’d ask for Splash or Freaky Friday. As for me? You can probably guess; a steady diet of Labyrinth, The Neverending Story and The Dark Crystal. There was a sort of unspoken pact in our group that we didn’t mock anyone else’s choice of film. But probably because he was a year older than the rest of us, Chris often felt he could break our unwritten rule. Most times he only did it to me, to make fun of me for my ‘girly’ choices. “Matt,” he would growl at me, crumbs of popcorn stuck to his nascent mustache, “Sometimes I swear your dick fell off when the doctor spanked you at birth.” Jason would laugh too loud, and Toni would just stare at me with those huge brown eyes of hers. But as time went on, and his hormones really ramped up, I wasn’t the only one that Chris clashed with. It was because of one of his testosterone-fueled teenage rages that we made the greatest – and worst – discovery of our lives.

  How the fight originally started, I don’t remember exactly. I think Chris complained that he didn’t want to sit through the 20th re-run of Return of the Jedi, then Jason got shitty because it was his turn, and the Rules were the Rules. I do remember that as the film started, Chris climbed up on the low stage under the big screen, and started reading out the opening scroll in a pompous, mocking voice, peppering it with foul language. Jason went red, and started pelting him with stolen popcorn, but Chris wouldn’t stop, he just got louder and more obnoxious. When Jason launched himself out of his front-row seat and shoved Chris against the screen, the rage at someone daring to retaliate was writ so large on the older boy’s face it was visible even from my spot in the projection booth. Chris vanished through the screen. I sat for a moment in shock as I realized he must have torn right through the shiny fabric. Jason’s “uncle” was going to kill us. But when Chris didn’t re-appear, and Jason’s yelling didn’t cause him to emerge, I got worried enough to leave the booth and run down the stairs to where the others were. “There’s no hole,” Jason babbled, pointing at the screen. “He just disappeared.” “Stay calm,” I told him, like my dad would say to my mom when she started freaking out about things, “there will be a good explanation for this.” We checked in the small room behind the stage, filled with coils of old rope and broken wooden pallets, but he wasn’t there either. “Ugh, he’s just messing with us,” Toni decided, “he wants us to freak out. Let’s just watch the film and forget about him.” That seemed logical, so we did. I enjoyed not having our pubescent friend ruining things for once. But as the film eventually ended, something strange and wonderful happened. Striped with the text of the end credits, Chris stumbled through the screen, and fell onto the sticky carpet at our feet, laughing hysterically. “Holy shit guys,” he yelled, ecstatic and wild, “I met Luke Skywalker!”

  It took Chris a while to tell us the story in its entirety, but the general gist of it was this: when he had been pushed through the screen, he had somehow gone inside the film. “I had different clothes and everything, like I was part of it,” he explained, pacing back and forth in front of the blank screen, more animated than I’d ever seen him, “and the whole gang was there, Chewie and Han and Leia and Luke.” “This isn’t funny,” Toni said, her mouth downturned, bordering on petulant. “I’m telling the truth, man! I was there,” he jabbed a finger at the screen, “In Jabba’s palace, even on the Death Star. Wait, look at this!” He rolled up his sleeve of his jacket, showing a fresh burn, the welt running from his wrist to his elbow, “Vader’s saber grazed me while me and Luke were fighting him.” His grin was enormous as he ran his hand through his thick curly hair, “Holy moly, this was the best night of my entire life.” “Prove it,” Jason said, arms folded, “do it again. Matt, set the film up.” “I have to rewind the reels. That’s gonna take a while,” I told him. “We need to get home,” Toni reminded us, “it’s getting late.” “Tomorrow, then,” said Jason, shouldering his schoolbag. He shook his head at Chris, eyeing the burn on his arm, skeptical and jealous all at once, “but if you’re lying, I swear I’m gonna tell your dad you’re making shit up. He’ll knock the snot outta ya again.” After locking up the projection room, I handed the keys back to Jason. “Do you think he’s for real?” “I dunno man. I guess we’ll find out tomorrow.”

    Everyone was early, already eagerly waiting by the side door to the old theater when Jason finally sauntered up with the keys. “This time I’m gonna go for the Emperor,” Chris was telling us, his eyes bright with barely contained excitement, “I reckon I can take him out while Luke and Vader are fighting.” “I reckon you’re so full of shit I can smell it on your breath,” Toni muttered. Once everything was set up and the film had started, I ran down to meet the others. We all stood in front of the screen, bathed in the yellow light of the text crawl, barely able to look at each other. “Do we go in now?” asked Jason. “Wait a sec.” As the words faded into infinity, Chris shoved Jason at the screen, then jumped into it himself. They both vanished instantly. Toni and I exchanged a long, terrified look, then she grabbed my hand and we both leaped after them, eyes shut tight and braced for the inevitable impact with the taut fabric. Instead, we found ourselves in another world. It’s hard to describe that first experience, on the other side. It was everything Chris had said – and more. Whatever we did, the story took our actions and wove them into the plot, inexorably guiding us towards some heroic conclusion. We felt different too. For the first time in my life, I wasn’t afraid of everything, and I felt bigger, stronger than I did in the real world. Ironically, I felt more real. Chris was like a young Han Solo, so full of confidence and bravado it was infectious, and we followed his lead. I never wanted it to end, and I knew the others felt the same way. But it did, and far too abruptly we found ourselves ejected from that world, just four ordinary kids again, lying face-down on the stained carpet of the theater. “What happened?” Toni asked, rubbing her hands, filthy with droid grease, on her dungarees. I blinked, staring up at the booth, “I wasn’t there to switch over the reels. We got kicked out early.” Chris swore as he stood and dusted himself off, his hands still shaking from adrenaline, “One of us has to stay in the booth.” “Only me and Matt know how to do it,” Jason groused. “Well, you two clowns will need to take turns then, wontcha?”

  I missed the next adventure on the other side of the silver screen, and the one after that, since Jason hurt his hand riding dirt bikes in Timerider, which was Chris’s next pick. By the time it was finally my turn to pick a film, I was fit to burst with excitement, and spent the whole day at school doing nothing but staring at the clock. Today I was going to ride Falcor and save the Childlike Empress. Once inside the theater, Chris rolled his eyes at my choice and asked me if I was in love with Bastian, because I was such a girl. But I knew that once he was riding Artax across the Grassy Plains and hunting purple buffalo, he’d shut the hell up. How could a motorbike compare with that? That night was so magical and wonderful, it left me gasping for air when we re-emerged. I’d been the hero, slaying Gmork and ending the Nothing before it could rip Fantasia apart. “Okay. I guess that was pretty fun,” Chris grudgingly admitted. We fell into a decent rhythm after that, even if Jason shirked his reel-wrangling duties more and more often, leaving me in the projection booth while my supposed friends experienced things most of us can only dream of. Still, I made the very most of my time in those places, exploring the Labyrinth with Sarah, Ludo, and Sir Didymus, or slaying winged terrors with Galen in Dragonslayer. The best night of all was one when Chris and Jason were both grounded. Toni and I went back to Fantasia, just the two of us, and it was so different without the others. Of course, it was cut rudely short, because there was no-one to change the reel. But for half an hour we had our heart’s desire; she was the Chosen One, and I was the Moon Child, and everything felt right as the Nothing was banished, along with all the Somethings we couldn’t express. We never talked about that night again. Because like all good things, our adventures had to come to an end.

  Chris turned up that Sunday in a foul mood, one eye suspiciously puffy, and both of them red. Toni wouldn’t say a word, even more mute than usual. “Just play the damn film,” Chris told Jason as we filed into the theater. It was my turn again – I wasn’t accepting any excuses from Jason this time, it had been too long since I’d been in. I’d picked Labyrinth again. There were still plenty of places I hadn’t yet gotten around to exploring in detail. I should have known from the beginning that Chris was going to be an asshole. I should have told him to wait outside, but I guess I thought that fighting Jareth might improve his mood. It didn’t, and the further inside we went, the worse things got. One moment we were walking through the maze, the castle shimmering in the heat-haze of the distance, then the next, Chris and the protagonist, Sarah, were gone. Toni and I searched to no avail, calling out their names, which echoed strangely off the stone walls. “What do you think happened?” she asked. “I’m not sure. But don’t worry, it’ll work out. Everything always works out in the films where the good guys win.” It was at that moment that I heard a muffled scream, not far away. I ran, faster than I could in the real world. Some instinct guided me round several corners, until I all but tripped over Chris, who was lying on top of Sarah. His hands were grinding hers into the flagstones and he forced his mouth over hers while she struggled and kicked underneath him. “GET OFF HER!” I howled, kicking him in the ribs as hard as I could. He rolled to one side, winded, letting go of Sarah’s hands. I turned my back on him, and helped Toni get the shaking Sarah onto her feet. Tears and dirt streaked her pale cheeks, and I reeled with emotions I couldn’t even name. “None of this is real,” Chris coughed, holding his bruised ribs, “none of this matters – she doesn’t matter. She’s not a real person!” “Why? Why do you have to ruin everything?!” I yelled, shoving him into the stone walls, “Why do you shit on everything I like? Why do you have to be such a fucking dickhead?” His sneer was ugly and adult as he spat on the cobbles at my feet. “You’re just jealous. You just wish you were her, dontcha Matt?* He pursed his lips at me obscenely, then turned and ran awkwardly into the depths of the maze, still half-winded and holding his side. There were no more adventures for the rest of that movie. We sat with Sarah, making soothing plans to get her baby brother back, until the film ejected us. Toni and I didn’t look at each other as we each wiped our own eyes, but we briefly touched hands in the dark of the theater before we both headed home. All we saw of Chris was his back, as he pushed through the fire exit and let the door bang closed.

  The next day, as we assembled outside the doors, Chris ambushed me from behind. He grabbed me by the collar and threw me into the brick wall of the theater, jerking me once to make my head smack painfully into the pocked surface. “You might be the hero in your faggot fantasy films,” he hissed, “but out here in the real world? I’m bigger and stronger than you, and I can kick your sorry ass any time I want.” He threw a significant look at Toni, and his breath was hot as he whispered two words in my ear before he let me go, shoving me toward the doors, “Now get up to that booth and put on Easy Rider, before I break your fucking nose.” The pain in my head was a sharp, fiery knot. It throbbed as I climbed the stairs up to the projection room, each pulse in time with those words I couldn’t unhear, those two beautiful, secret words made into something so ugly. Jason wasn’t a bad guy, but he would never do anything to gainsay Chris’s authority, so I knew I wouldn’t get any help there. He wanted me stuck on projector duty, so he never had to miss out on anything himself. I had thought that Toni wanted to help, but she had to live with Chris. And clearly he had so much power over her that she had told him the very thing I never dreamed she would share. As I got the canisters down from the shelves, an ugly, terrible idea flared in my head, replacing all the pain and betrayal. The moment the red, white and blue engine tank flashed up on the screen, the others jumped into the film, vanishing into a world of hippies and Harleys. But that world wouldn’t last, because the second reel, all set to go on the second projector, did not contain the second half of Easy Rider. By the time I started the motor on the second projector, my hands were sweating and shaking. In a few seconds, the gang would be hurled out of their drug-filled motorcycle adventure across America, and into far more a terrifying world, one of flayed faces and severed limbs, inspired by the real life serial killer, Ed Gein. I’ve often wondered exactly what happened during that transition. Sometimes, when Jason got his timing wrong on the reel switch, the movie world would flicker and ripple around us, like fluorescent lights dying, then righting themselves. I imagined this abrupt switch would be much more profound, and I half expected the poorly understood magic of this place to kick them out prematurely, with the thread of continuity lost. But nobody emerged as the second reel kicked in, and I sat back, smugly imagining the terrors that awaited them.

  When the film ended, only one figure emerged. Toni’s face was streaked with blood, and her clothes were torn, but she was otherwise unharmed. I ran down from the booth as she stumbled off the stage, her legs trembling so much she couldn’t hold herself up properly. As I reached out to steady her, she pushed me away, into the front row of seats. “You killed them!” she sobbed, her tears tracking furrows through the half-dried blood. “You changed the reels, didn’t you? And Leatherface murdered them.” “No,” I said, shaking my head, “they can’t be dead. They can’t be! I just wanted to scare them.” “You fucking idiot! Have you actually watched The Texas Chainsaw Massacre before?” “No! This was my first time. You know I don’t like horror.” Toni’s next words were heavy with meaning, layers of counter-betrayal and insult beyond anything I had even thought about. “The stupid girl is the only one who survives.” Slumping heavily into one of the seats, my mind raced as I tried to think of a solution. “We can go back in. Maybe they’re still in there. Maybe we can stop Leatherface.” “Matt. He will kill you if you go in there. Don’t you get it? He wins. The boys all die, and you can’t change who wins, you know that.” Her dark eyes were so bitter, so full of pain, fixed on me. “You can’t change who wins, and you can’t change who you really are.” “Then you need to go back in.” “There is no way I’m going back in there, do you hear me?” her lip was shaking as she spoke, and fresh tears dripped from her trembling chin, “you have no idea what they did to me in there.” I wanted to comfort her, but I couldn’t fix any of this. “What are we going to do?” “I don’t know,” she told me, picking up her backpack, “but I don’t want anything to do with you ever again, Matthew Lawson.”

    The boys were declared missing persons, and the whole town was turned upside-down to search for them. I told the cops the whole story, but they wouldn’t believe me. The police psychologist told my parents I’d suffered an acute nervous breakdown, and I was put on strong sedatives for the better part of a year. Chris and Toni’s Dad went on a huge bender, and crashed his car into the river. The rumor was that he used money he’d pilfered from Chris’s bike fund a few weeks before. Maybe that was Chris’s own final act of inadvertent revenge, his deadbeat dad freezing to death in the dark, icy water, too drunk to fight anything anymore. Neither Toni nor I ever went back to the theater, as far as I know, and six years later, two days after my twentieth birthday, it was torn down and turned into a parking lot. We met then, one last time, as we watched the last trailer of brick and rubble being hauled away. She didn’t even turn the engine of her bike off, and she didn’t say anything to me – she didn’t need to. Those huge, expressive brown eyes wordlessly informed me that she still didn’t forgive me, and that as far as she was concerned, I was still a murderer. As she rode away, her dark hair streamed behind her, and all I could think about was how it had whipped my face as I clung to her waist, her cries urging Artax into a full gallop across the Grassy Plains. I never watched The Neverending Story again. Or Labyrinth. These days, I can’t really watch any film for very long, because eventually I’ll glimpse their faces, and I’ll know they’re inside somewhere, reliving their horrible deaths over and over again. Even now, thirty years on from those events, I can still hear Chris’s words echoing in my head, a mantra that will haunt me for the rest of my life: None of this is real, none of this matters But it was real, and it did matter. In one petty act of revenge, I killed my best friends. And they were my friends, despite all their complexities and all their flaws, and all their unique pain concealed beneath the bright veneer of those times. I killed them as surely as if I’d done it with my own hand.

And I’m still trying to find a way to live with that, but I can’t seem to change the reel.