#the internet isnt helpful either :(but well we will survive one way or another

[bobzora]

i thought i knew what was happening in math but i guess not

[cobaltperun]

OOOH ive been waiting for this one. can we get some soft bottom!sam smut with a top!reader (gn or fem, both is okay) where sam is insecure and isnt used to not being in control, but r shows her its okay and takes good care of her 🤭

for a backstory (if you want to make it longer with more depth and don't have any ideas for the backstory) r and sam have been together since tara and sam moved to new york & r saved her and tara, but got hurt in the process.

obviously you dont have to take this request if youre uncomfortable! either way, i still love your content and hope you stick around this hellhole of a site :)

You're Safe

Bottom Sam Carpenter x Top Female Reader (Request) (Smut - minors do not interact)

Masterlist

Word count: 2.7k

You finally managed to get inside the old theatre by breaking one of the windows. You heard gunshots and while you weren’t all that familiar with Ghostface, you just weren’t all that into horror, though you did hear about Woodsboro killings. Even when you met Sam you wanted to give her a chance to open up to you at her own pace instead of searching for details on the internet. But even you knew Ghostface wasn’t known for using guns.

Your adrenaline skyrocketed, and your sense of self-preservation apparently vanished, because you were running in the direction the gunshots came from. You didn’t even know if Sam or Tara were alive, and you hoped both of them were because if something happened to Tara, and Sam survived she would never forgive herself.

“Come on Sam, you better be okay,” you should have went in with her, if you were already going to break in, you should have tried harder to convince her. Another gunshot made you run faster and you barged into the huge open area filled with glass cases and the big stage with Ghostface figures on it. There was a movie playing, but none of that mattered, Sam was holding Tara over the fence as some guy swung his knife beneath Tara’s feet.

You rushed forward, tackling the man at the cost of getting the knife deep inside your guts as Sam shouted your name and then it all became hectic.

~X~

You grunted, the smell of medicine hit you like a truck, you always hated that smell. Yet, here you were, in the hospital, recovering from three stab wounds to your guts. “Damn, I’m so happy Tara killed that fucker,” you grunted as you tried to sit up.

“Hey, easy, don’t move so suddenly,” you heard Sam rushing to your side and helping you sit up as you finally opened your eyes and looked at her in utter shock.

“Sam? Why are you here?” you asked and her face fell at your question. Shit, that sounded so wrong. You smacked your forehead. “I meant here instead of with Tara, not here as in I don’t want you here. It’s just that you should be with Tara,” you fumbled over your own words desperately trying to fix your mistake.

It seemed to work as Sam looked at you, a soft smile sneaking onto her face. “You don’t hate me?” she asked fearfully, and you hated hearing her like that. Sam was strong, she feared nothing except losing Tara, and hearing her afraid right now, over something like this made you wish to hold her close and never let her go, never allow anything to hurt her again.

“Sam, hey,” you opened your arms and encouraged her to come closer, and though reluctantly she hugged you, her head resting on your chest as she listened to your heartbeat. “I could never hate you, none of what happened is your fault,” you kissed the top of her head as you held her closer and softly combed your fingers through her hair.

“You saved Tara from a serious injury,” her voice wavered. “She’s with Mindy, visiting Chad, by the way,” she told you.

“She saved me as well,” you remembered trying to stop the knife from reaching your throat when Tara came in and kicked the man, Ethan, away from you and slit his throat. By the time she helped you up to your feet because it still wasn’t over Sam and Bailey fell down and you and Tara rushed to Sam.

Sam opened her mouth to speak, but before she could the doors of your hospital room opened and you both looked back, startled, at Tara and Mindy standing there.

“Well, well, well, Sammy can’t resist her cute girl,” Tara teased with the biggest shit-eating grin you’ve ever seen on her face.

Sam blushed and jerked away from you, hitting you stomach by accident. “Shit, Y/N!” she exclaimed when you winced and clutched at the still recovering wound.

“Damn it, Sam, we were teasing, don’t kill her to hide the evidence, poor girl,” Mindy scolded your girlfriend and you somehow managed to raise a thumbs up.

“Still alive and kicking,” you grunted just happy that Sam didn’t reopen the wound. “It takes me back actually,” you nudged Sam with your elbow and found some satisfaction in her face getting even redder.

“I’ll see you later!” she stormed out, and though it hurt, you had to laugh at how embarrassed she got. “Tara, Mindy, come on!” she demanded before the two girls could interrogate you on what you meant.

You just waved at the three of them and lay back on your bed when the doors closed.

You’ve been living in New York for two years now, and you’ve been in your current apartment since about a year ago when the guy living there moved away for a better job. You didn’t think that would lead you to eventually meeting Sam. A bit over half a year ago you were just coming back from work when you saw a beautiful, tall woman going down the stairs. She just drew you in, right from the start. Eventually you started talking and while it began about as casually as it could you and Sam managed to build something solid despite sneaking around and acting like a couple of teenagers.

It didn’t stop you from falling for her, for her fierce protectiveness over her sister and friends, for her kindness hidden behind the walls that needed to be studied, even though they were completely understandable given everything that happened to her. And well, she did flip you over once when you made the mistake of trying to sneak up on her once. In your defense, you had no idea about her involvement in Woodsboro at that point, it was still very early in your relationship and you didn’t think she would just go and throw you down and twist your shoulder. She apologized profusely for that and told you bits and pieces about her life. There were still things you didn’t know, but you pieced enough things together to get the more or less nearly full picture.

And damn, that was the day you discovered you had a thing for a woman that could kick your ass into next week and that what you had was actually really serious.

~X~

About a month since Bailey and his family tried to kill Sam you were lazing around in your living room, just listening to music and chilling with a warm cup of tea next to you. There was a knock on your doors and you damn near wanted to pretend you weren’t home, because you were cozy and didn’t feel like leaving your blanket behind, but maybe it was something important so you groaned, decided to act like a responsible twenty-eight years old woman and got up.

And you were glad you did because you found an annoyed Sam in front of your doors. “Tara and the twins want an apartment to themselves. I, apparently, worry too much that they’ll get a cold by studying on the floor,” she grumbled.

“Well, come on in,” you grinned, pulling her inside and kissing her on the lips. She moaned, her hands gripping your shirt as you pushed her against the now closed doors. Sam opened her mouth as you slid your tongue over her soft lips. You missed this so much, you wanted to get her on your lap, to kiss her, make out with her, to make her moan, but she wanted to make sure you were completely fine, even though your wounds were healed for a few weeks now.

Judging by the way her tongue pushed against your own, and how she was pressing her body against yours you figured it was no longer an issue. Until your phone buzzed in your pocket. You tried to ignore it, separating from Sam’s lips and leaving kisses down her chin and jaw, all the way to the side of her neck as your phone kept buzzing.

“You should see who it is,” she knew how it felt to worry about someone not answering her texts or calls and while she really wanted to keep kissing you she didn’t want anyone to be worried about you like she so often used to be worried about Tara. “Please do, actually. I’m not leaving anytime soon. They won’t let me back in,” she reminded you when you reluctantly took your phone from your pocket.

She watched your eyes widen and then a mischievous grin appeared on your face as you tucked the phone away and lifted her up.

Now, Sam was stronger than you, but you could carry her if needed, and right now you somehow decided you needed to do that. “Y/N?” she laughed, trusting you but still wanting to know what this was for.

“They threw you out, hm?” you teased taking her to the living room and grinning as her face turned completely red. “I got a text from Tara, and I quote: Sam is lying, she just missed you and she might also be horny. One word per text, hence all that buzzing,” the look on her face told you Tara was telling the truth.

“So, any chance we can go straight to the bedroom?” Sam asked sheepishly as she wrapped her arms around your shoulders.

“Of course,” you pecked her on the lips and made your way through your apartment to the bedroom. “Let me take care of you tonight,” you gently lowered her onto your bed and lifted the hem of her shirt a bit. You looked her in her eyes, seeking permission as she bit her lower lip.

“You don’t have to,” she said, she trusted you, she really did, but she struggled to relax and let you take control. It wasn’t about you; it was the very act itself that made her feel vulnerable. Yet, as you looked at her so softly, as you wrapped your arms around her waist and showed her nothing but patience and love, she found herself gradually lowering her guard.

“I’ll pause or completely stop whenever you want me to,” you reassured her, you understood it completely, her needs, her worries, everything. “I love you,” those three words pushed the feeling of guilt away and her gaze lingered on your eyes, on your lips, on the clear message: ‘Take as long as you need, I’ll be here, I’ll never hurt you.’

So, she pushed against your shoulders until you were beneath her and she was straddling your lap. She swallowed hard, grinding slightly against your thigh. “I love you too,” she confessed as you began kissing. She shivered as your hands gripped her hips, firm and steady, as she rocked her hips against you. Your lips felt like fire against her own, especially when you paid extra attention to switch between softly brushing against her lips, just teasing her until she had to deepen the kiss and hot, lip biting, tongues deep inside either of your mouths kisses she couldn’t get enough of.

“Sam,” you sighed, your left hand ghosting over her back. She tilted her head back as you began kissing her neck. Your teeth grazed her skin, biting softly and soothing the skin with your kisses. Sam swallowed her, breathing deeply as her hands lifted your shirt up over your head. Her fingers slid over your skin, your back, your arms, your still covered breasts and stomach. She needed the softness, the gentle way you loved her, and she needed it even more when her thumb caressed the scars you got because you got involved with her.

“We survived, Sam,” you whispered in her ear, moaning softly when she started grinding on you faster. “You’re okay, I got you,” you wouldn’t betray her, ever, she was sure of that and her guard crumbled as she let out a small moan escape past her lips.

Your heart soared when you heard Sam’s moan, it was a rare occasion, she usually only became vocal when she was close, and this was nowhere near enough to get her there. You took her shirt and bra off. “I need you so much,” you sighed against her neck and squeezed her breast, your thumb circled around her nipple as it hardened.

“I need you too,” she said, completely giving up control as you flipped the two of you around once more and lied down next to her so she wouldn’t feel caged in by you.

You pulled her jeans and panties down, getting her naked and just taking the sight in. Her toned body, her abs, biceps, the fact that she was this strong, physically and mentally, yet she still trusted you enough to take control drove you mad.

You invaded all of her senses. Your warm palm teasing her thighs as you left kisses on her shoulders and breasts, and the feel of your hair between her fingers as she spread her legs for you. And the scent, your own scent mixing with the spreading scent of her arousal as she progressively got wetter. The sound of your lips releasing her nipple with a pop and your tongue sliding across her breast to her neck, all the way to her ear. The look of pure lust and desire and all the love you felt for her in your eyes, and the taste of your kiss still lingering on her lips. You were all she could feel, and she couldn’t stop the whimper leaving her parted lips as you finally, finally, touched her pussy lips.

You were slow, methodical, each of your strokes bringing you closer to your goal, each time bringing you closer and closer to her opening, and with each stroke you felt Sam clinging to you harder than before. Her hands dropped to your back, nails digging into your shoulderblades just hard enough for you to feel them, but nowhere nearly hard enough to pierce through the skin. She moaned, louder, without restriction as you parted her lips and dipped your finger into her warm, wet hole. “I got you,” you assured her, feeling her shuddering as you moved the wet finger from her opening to her clit and gently massaged it.

“You got me,” Sam rasped, making sure you knew she felt safe, this exposed and vulnerable with you. She moaned as you kissed down her stomach. She looked down as you gave her a small smirk and flicked her clit with your mouth before pulling it between your lips and sucking on it. “Oh, fuck!” she hissed, breathing harder as you inserted two fingers into her, slowly stretching her out until you found her G spot.

Sam cried out, needing you closer, needing your lips on hers. “Y/N,” she gripped your shoulder, trying to tug you closer as the steady, gentle rhythm of your fingers pushed her closer and closer to the edge.

You understood her needs, you understood the grip on your shoulder and moved up, capturing her lips into a deep, sensual kiss as she hugged you, anchoring herself to you.

“I’m-“ she gasped, separating from your lips and arching her back as her pussy squeezed around your fingers. Her entire body quivered as a deep, guttural moan ripped through her throat. “Y/N!” she cried out, the sensations you’ve been building up fully pushing her over the edge.

You kissed her cheek and she turned to look at you, out of breath as you slipped your fingers out of her and just held her closer. “Thank you,” you whispered as Sam cradled your cheek and kissed you on the lips.

“You’re too good to me,” she sighed, her voice still slightly shaky as she spoke. She still leaned closer to you, letting you caress and massage her to help her as she got down from her high.

“Hush now, you deserve all the love,” you leaned down and flicked her still hard nipple. “Can you go on?” you asked, after all, you had her just for yourself for the whole night. Sam smiled and nodded and damn, you were going to love her all night long.

A/N: There you go Anon! I hope you'll like this 😁😁

[spitefulqueenofdemons]

https://spitefulqueenofdemons.tumblr.com/post/643713435650113536/sleep-deprived part 2

Pushing Up Daisies chapter 3

Tw: language, murder, guns, cops, mentions of drugs

Word count: 1373

Summary: After having woken up tied to a chunk of concrete under water and doing an unspeakable act (for your survival??) You find yourself out of options and people to help. Well almost, the only one you think might be able to help is the one who got you in this situation in the first place

After a long shower and several hours on the internet searching for anything that could tell you what was going on. Apart from a few hundred movies and books with undead content the most concrete actual zombie anything you could find was mostly about the voodoo dust that people used to put others under control. And back in the 18, and 1900s people accidentally being buried alive. 

There was virtually nothing about zombies in Seattle. All you knew for sure was what had happened to you. You confronted Blaine, he grabbed you, shot you, dumped you in a lake and you woke up you dont know how long after underwater with no need to breath. 

As you thought and absently read yet another article about 'Haitian Zombies' you rubbed your hand against your wrist that Blaine had grabbed you with. The scratch marks on your arm were as faint as old scars but you could feel them still.

And just like that realization hit. The red eyes made sense. Blaine was a zombie, and that lady who was working the front counter probably was too. It had to be some sort of virus or something that could be transferred through scratch. The teenager in you was thrilled that zombies were real and not mindless corpses that just wandered around destroying everything it came across. Sure when you first emerged from the lake you couldnt control yourself and killed that poor innocent man but you were literally starving. 

Perhaps that was the down side. The hunger is enough to blind you from any moral standing. Even more unfortunate, you didnt know how long what brains you did eat earlier would keep you satiated and you didnt have a way to get more without committing more murder. You didnt know anything about the zombieism other than the scratch causes it. 

You really only had an one option. Go back to Blaine. He had options. Once you got there he could kill you, or turn you away, or kill you. You had gone in only, according to your microwave, 8 hours ago guns blazing accusing him of being a utopium dealer. How could you expect him to help. 

Now you also knew you couldnt go to the police. As an officer you knew they would either freak out or hide it. And by hiding it you knew that would mean hiding you, IE killing you and sweeping it under the rug. They might turn you over to some higher part of the government. The type that does a bunch of invasive and usually very painful experiments and research. 

You could just drop it. Leave town and change your name. But then again that brings up the issue of how will you eat? Murder is just too horrible an option for you. Grave robbing coukd be viable but half decomposed chemically drowned brain is almost as bad as the moral stand still of murder. 

Deciding on your course of action you breezed to your closet, choosing a simple black hoodie, dark jeans and boots, and a ball cap to hide your snowy hair to wear. You grabbed a glock 19. Not the gun you had when you went to visit Blaine in the first place. That one was gone, probably in Debeers' personal stash now. This time though if he pulled so would you. 

Without a vehicle, you assumed it would no longer be parked where you left it in front of MEATchute, you were instead forced to catch a bus to the opposite side of town. The open sign was off but you could see people behind the counter. It looked like they were counting the drawer.

You beat on the glass with an open palm, hard enough for it to make a lot of noise but not hard enough to shatter the glass. The older woman from when you first came was the one to open the door. She looked like she had seen a ghost, but still somehow like she didnt care. 

"Cant you read the sign? We are closed. That means you dont have to go home but you sure as shit cant stay here." She half growled. 

You rolled your eyes, half willing to punch her in the face if she wanted to get cocky. "Move. Wheres Debeers?" You demanded, eyes flashing past the stumpy woman and to the counter where a large man with dark hair stood sizing you up. "You," you said. You recognized him as one of the names that gave a name that then gave you Debeers. "You work for him. I shouldnt be surprised." 

He cocked an eyebrow. "Cissie, let her through." The man said. He looked like a knock off version of Patrick Warburton. "You are supposed to be dead little lady. You got lungs of steal or are you one of us?" 

You scoffed, wanting to hit them all. You knew it wasnt a part of the zombieism either. These fuckers were all instrumental in your death. That enough was reason for a slight beating. "I got nothing to say to you Julian. I'm here for Blaine and I'm not leaving till I get to talk to him." You demanded, stomping up to the counter. 

The man sighed as if this was one of the last things he wanted to deal with. "Well he isnt here but I'll call him. See if he wants to talk to you. Follow me." He said, gesturing to you. 

Not exactly happy, but pleased you were getting what you want, you followed the man behind the counter. He took you further into the building and finally into a room off the kitchen that actually looked like a real office. The large mahogany desk was a mess with files and papers, on top of them all was the stolen file from your apartment. There was a few random art pieces. 

"Wait here. Someone will be by soon." He instructed, leaving you in the room alone. Trusting that you wouldnt snoop. Normally you would but this situation was not the time. You needed help, and had already pissed off two of the three people you knew had a hand in that. Snooping through Blaine's real office would be like flipping the bird after you already spit on and slapped someone. Definitely not a good idea on your part. 

It took less than 20 minutes before the door opened again and a familiar blond haired blue eyed gangster opened the door. "Ah Detective. What an unpleasant surprise. I didnt know you walked amongst the undead." He said with an air of genuine shock. "When Julian told me I really didnt believe him. You took those bullets like a mortal. What happened?" 

You laid out your wrist on the desk, the marks almost completely gone. He crossed to the other side and sat down, moving the little lamp that was sitting at the corner of the table. He shone the lamp over my arm and the little pink marks showed up. 

Blaine 'tsk'ed. "Was it me?" He had a fake look of disgust on his face. "It was me wasnt it. Damn it, I knew I shouldnt have blown off my manicure appointment this morning." He shook his head. "Thats why you arent dead. You gotta be starving though. Would you like a snack? Pudding? Crackers and cheese? Brains?" He questioned. 

You looked at the mark on your wrist in the light, your jaw clenched a little. "No thanks I already ate, but that is part of what I would like to discus." 

At that his eyes widened with actual shock. "Um, you already ate? Did you kill someone or dig up a body?" When I didnt answer he nodded knowingly. "You killed someone. Oh I bet that was a sight. Sorry about the cinderblock by the way. I didnt think you would be waking up. Im sure it wasnt the best alarm." 

You scoffed, a little thankful he stopped asking about your food source. "Waking up underwater was definitely a new experience, but then again so far my whole evening has been new experiences." You told him. 

"Well, allow me to formally welcome you to the land of Zombies. I'll explain everything."

[merlinthoughts]

Season 1 Episode 2 - Valiant

- ik for a fact that this one is the episode with the asshhoole. not bc i recognised it from the title but perhaps it was because i recognised it from the title u got me there

- i always go to mr clean too when i want protection, val, ur not alone

- yeah, this is harry potter l ma o

- the next thing u know theres a stone that makes arthur live forever and the snakes start joining into one and growing bigger until a phoenix (im dibbing on kilgie here), pops their corneas out

- DAMN DON'T KILL UR DEALER WHERE U GONNA GET THE NEW SHIT FROM NEXT TIME SMH VALIANT

- okay but who names their son valiant

- he was probably named valerie and didnt like it so he said “woah imma be valiant like courage, thats sick”

- that was probably his superhero persona as a child ngl

- no, shev, no respect for val stop doing this

- merlin in armour, what a fucking bLESiSNG GIVING ME THIS RIGHT ON THE SPOT BBC KNOWS WHATS GOOD

- ok a y but hear me out, merlins a servant. i have not seen any of these servants been asked to train with the royals??? like in the sense where it helps the servant train as well?? and the FIRST thing arthur does with merlin as his servant is train with him. not only is arthur a huge JOCK, he’s not using his manservant properly

- neverfuckingmind “most servants collapse after the first blow”, so it seems to be arthur likes to train with his servants. now that in itself is a question to be asked, but is he the only royal who trains with his servants??? how did this man survive on his own without a personal servant until merlin??? did he have a personal servant??? was it just regular servants?? who are those other servants he trained with??? did arthur just say hey lets go to the field in the morning, put on armour and let’s have a fun time?? UNLESS merlin literally just took someones job away from them kmao

- also my mind went right to the gutter guys, ngl, it sounded like an innuendo. it had me quaking i wish i was one of those servants

- “we all have our duties, even arthur” “it must be so tough for him, all the *hesitates* girl, all the glory”

- so we probably get at least 1 out of every 2 episodes where there’s a scene with merlin dressing arthur in his armour. bring the popcorn, lads.

- MORGANA LOOKING LIKE A FRICKEN SNACK

- the reigning champion is arthur, wonder fucking w h y

- valiant is in fucking mustard, while arthur is fucking ketchup idk why i thought of that but it happened. my literature teacher always told me to look for symbolisms. guess we found one guys.

- merlin after hating on arthur for the past episode is literally just cheering arthur on like a good husband he is

- did ARTHUR JUST SNICKER AT MERLINS “CREEP” LMAO DON'T TRY AND HIDE IT BY HUFFING AT HIM AFTERWARDS YOU FUCKING GOOF

- omg he hid it by telling merlin to do a full novel of chores

- AND MERLIN DOES IT WITH MAGIC A PAIR OF GOOFS

-  “are you using magic again” “no” merlin ffs he just saw you use magic, while the items fell and landed right in front of him while you didn’t move at aLL. they are nOT BLIND

- “very aggressive style” I MEAN SURE UTHER

- valerie be fuckboying morgana lmao with a “i saw you watching” and a, “then i will give everything to win the tournament”

- i wish this show was set in the early 2000s so i can see val in low sweatpants, a backwards cap with gelled spiky hair and cheap neon sunglasses (maybe even some gold teeth just for kicks), while hes trying to rap 50 cents or make a mixtape of brit pop songs. bc yes.

- honestly im loving my 2000 fuckboy au. gonna make an ao3 after this.

- of course merlin would be the one to find out the magic shit in valiants room, it just lures him. AND OF COURSE VALIANT IS THERE

- i'm so fucking glad arthur looks confused as to how merlin did what he asked. when u have this kind of hubby, arthur, its amazing what things he can do.

- i dont know why theres dramatic music as merlin put armour on arthur but im living for it

- “is it my imagination or are you beginning to enjoy yourself?” merlin doesn't know what to say to that bc he’s turning gay and doesn't know if that counts as enjoying oneself when the one you are gay for is the asshole prince

- typically enough, valiant and arthur never fight except for the finale. like with all conveniences in place, youd expect them to have at least fought at some point with as much knights as there to determine the final two but no, just the finale. k.

- this poor fucking purple knighted bloke didn’t need to be fucking demonstrated on, val. like you didn't need to kill him?? that could have blown ur cover

- DID NOBODY SEE THAT??? DID NOBODY SEE THE FUCKING SNAKES???

- oooh merlin found out what happened everyone gonna be fucked. nobody harms arthur is he has something to say about it

- if someone starts off a sentence with “i just saw someones snakes on their shield come alive” nobody would fucking believe you, merls. but given the fact that magic exist… mhh maybe it wouldn’t be too absurd. but ppl apparently are thick as hell

- “why were you in his chambers” well i know how id explain if i was in valiants chambers ;)

- jk i dont fall for this toxic shit

- imagine getting paid as an actor just just lie down there like this poisoned kid. “yeah, id like to audition for ewan’s role???” “why are you lying on the ground?”

- i hate those tropes where it's like “i know how to tell someones bad, here’s proof” and then nobody believes you and tells you you’re lying and should die or whatever but then you kNOW IT'S THE FUCKIN TRUTH BITCH that trope gives me damn anxiety >:((

- yes merlin, fucking slash the shield with your sword. i'm sure that's how it works. im sure it will kill the snakes.

- HOWA RE THE SNAKES ALIVE WITHOUT VAL SAYING “ISHNAHASHAHI”

- i think val would know that you cut off the snake’s head, merls, just saying. ur were the oNLY ONE.

- TELL ARTHUR WHAT??? “I CUT A SNAKE”

- EXACLTY ONG THAT'S WHAT MERLIN FUCKING SAID I WAS RIGHT LMAO

- ARTHUR BELEIVED HIM I'M FUCKING LIVING BUT IK WHAT HAPPENS AND AHH

- uhhh the anxiety is rolling up boys

- ewan is mcfuckingdead

- snake be sliding in like a hoe on a business

- bfehfjdjfskf i hate this part

- arthur's pride, merlin’s pride, fuck me

- i'm not even gonna write this part, it breaks my fragile heart when arthur sees the look of people not believing him, especially his dad, and merlin seeing how arthur doesn't trust him anymore like prepare the eulogies girlies

- okay but if arthur is struck and gaius has the antidote?? arthur aint gonna die technically

- but now val knows merlin knows

- AND MERLIN INTERVENES

- why are royals so bitchy towards servants. like they do their best to help you??? they are loyal to you and are paid there to serve you and are often very kind, generous, passive, understanding people??? yet merlin interrupts uther and he fucking sends him to the pit

- VAL YOU ASS LMAO DON'T HURT MY SON’S PRIDE

- he said allegations like four times, yes uther we know ur vocab is shining with intellect but seriously, there’s other synonyms that could still be acceptable and still sound fancy

- quick search on google bc my mind doesnt roll fast enough: claim, assertion, charge, accusation, declaration, statement, contention, deposition, argument, affirmation. see daddy uther, not hard to look up.

- forget they didnt have internet whoopsies

- :((( arthur doesn't trust merlin anymore

- the husbands FIGHT

- not just a banter petty fight, this is a huge fight

- SACKING MERLIN DON'T FUCKING SACK MERLIN YOU GOOF

- TRUST UR HUBBY

- FUCK

- I'M GONNA CRY AND IT'S ONLY EPISODE TWO

- I'M HAVING EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS CONCERNING MY TWO BOYS

- GUYS IM NOT OKAy

- its been 2 minutes after i wrote that last sentence, and i am now okay

- “a half cannot truly hate that which makes it whole” iconic as hell. so many things could be said about that quote. either for innuendo purposes, love purposes, destiny purposes, how long it took me to say it right, just so many purposes man. it’s just iconic.

- merlin looks absolutely done with kilgaharama’s shit

- “just give me a straight answer” seems like kilgarass here is being too gay for merlin

- gwen already knows merlin’s the heroin of the series, saying everyone knows it's merlin who will save the day. but same tbh

- i dunno if this is like me or not but it says her nickname is gwyn in the subtitles but im typing it as gwen which i thought was how u wrote it, even if her full name is gwynevere but like gwen has a ring to it while gwyn sounds like gwin or smth and i dunno which one is right so ill just leave it alone ahjsjfk

- MORGANA HAS VISIONS WE ALREADY KNOW WHERE THIS GOES SHES MAGIC ISNT SHE HAHAHAHAUHD

- merlin trying one last time to convince his husband not to die, but at least this time arthur knows he’s up for val’s magic and is like “k iloveyou but i have to do this for the country not just bc of pride and thinking val is not magic”

- staring into the fire like he’s hoping it would suck him up into the void, not only is merlin a now confirmed emo, so is fucking arthur it seems. perfect for one another i'm telling you

- eerie music as morgana enters… wha suddenly i can't read

- i thought at first morgana and arthur were gonna end up together cause of the fucking weird tension going on and i was prepared to be disfuckinggusted but no! the show and producers actually put my expectations away and helped me see that it wasn’t going in that direction! thank fucking god! 

- k but arthur looks majestic in his gear im just a huge bi

- “don’t go into my room” he says then gaius peaks in and almost gets mauled by a large chihuahua

- me too val, id step on someone's toes then fuck them up with an undercut. thats the bad bitch way to go. unless it for arthur, then val hahaha you can go fuck yourself

- no one sees mErLin??

- but they now see the snakes smh fakes

- “what are you doing? i didn't summon you” i don't think that will work val cause you didn't say it with a serpent tongue, it has to sound more like “shhashhwhat ahhssare hiisssyou iisshhaadoing?”

- okay but i thought arthur was impaled for a half second until he started to talk then i screamed that he was aight and he would now believe merlin

- uther better give merlin an apology

- arthur just said he wouldnt

- but still uther BETTER APOLOGISE TO FUCKING MERLIN

- “yknow i wish valiant was escorting me” “me too” i thought for a fricken moment arthur wished valiant would have escorted HIM. i'm dying.OMG

- “i wanted to say i made a mistake. it was unfair to sack you.” “don’t worry about it. buy me a drink and we’ll call it even.” DID YOU JUST SAY WHAT I THINK YOU JUST SAID MERLIN YOU SLY DOG OMG

- “i can’t really be seen to be buying drinks for my servant.” so if he wasn’t ur servant?? you’d say yes?? they are so fucking gay i can't anymore

- yeah, i literally fucking can't

[unproduciblesmackdown]

here’s me talking about the month since i was last online

firstly it was/is depressing not to be able to talk with ppl or hear from them. or just to be able to talk somewhere i know people CAN hear. i also mentioned being completely detached from the news. i like to be current about the news. anyways i was like “well not like this is anything new” as its technically unusual for me to NOT be cut off both irl and from the internet. but, shockingly, that doesnt make it not depressing. and having something for even a bit makes it more frustrating to lose it even if its “normal” for you not to have it. also by depressing i mean i was going like hmm i sure am even more tired than usual and i am less interested in my few lingering faint interests. whats up with that! and then i was like oh yeah thats called Even More Depression

it is funny because im someone who has never really had that many friends and when i do we often end up separated one way or another. Very Close friends &/or Very Longtime friends are a foreign concept. basically the heights of my “what i wish it was like” for life involve having a group of friends with whom you can have fun in an empty parking lot in the middle of the night just talking and hanging out and messing around. friends that you feel comfortable being yourself around and like they appreciate you as much as you do them. i do not think this is ever going to happen, but oh well because in reality i can be very picky about people because i am weird, to put it that way for now. my social landscape and language is not always considered normal or even tolerable. and i have a lot of standards for who i want to have around me in terms of traits and personality. theres a lot of things im not interested in. anyways. i also just, in the way things actually are, often prefer to be alone, so that i can be myself and do things i feel like. i dont have to worry about being strange or feeling like i need to please people. anyways. unfortunately i dont ONLY like being alone. i actually really like to be with people and talk with them but i rarely can, and i figure this is bad for me. isolation isnt good for anyone obviously. not being able to be around friends in person depresses me. not being able to talk online either depresses me further.

i think sometimes about how much i dont say. its a funny place to say it, in an overly long text post. but one of the reasons they can be so long is because irl i dont really talk much to people. so it builds up and can come out through writing. sometimes it comes out in talking. i think that in conversations, when i do talk, i talk too much because of this. so one of the reasons i dont talk much is to prevent this, which obviously is like “well that would just cancel out” but there are other reasons i dont talk. but i have loads of thoughts and things to say. i end up keeping so much of it to myself and wonder sometimes if i’ll ever get to say some of it. sometimes i’ll have something to say and bite it back. i’ve been “quiet” all these past twenty some years of talking and i know the reasons i dont talk. i was thinking about the feeling of biting something back in an individual occasion feeling like the cumulation of all the years worth of keeping my own voice running in my head alone. it kind of feels like what you want to say is in your chest and throat and the roof of your mouth.

speaking of the roof of your mouth, theres a weird sensation i can feel sometimes, seemingly at random but mostly in strange times like trying to fall asleep. it is so transient and unlike any actual externally caused sensations that its been difficult to try to get a grasp of how to describe it, but i think i have it thanks to ongoing effort and an unusually long period of it a few days ago during which i was especially alert about it. it’s like having a pressure radiating out from inside your mouth. like an orb pushing outwards against the teeth and roof of the mouth. which i’m fairly sure isn’t anything that would ever happen, so i am assuming its some little neurological hiccup that happens to align every now and then, but maybe a previous life cycle has put something weird in their mouth. or shot into it, because i would be like, well not much has changed.

anyways. words sitting like a pressure in your mouth. i was seeing a thread about how grief is ongoing and reoccurring which also mentioned that people who specialize in knowing how grieving and living with it works often consider it to be a form of grief when someone’s life is affected by something like trauma. they have to grieve themselves because of the possibilities taken away from them. i feel that, sometimes. thinking about how i wish i had a life where i felt free to speak and where my identity mattered and i got to feel like i could be myself and it was important and it was important what i thought and wanted and who i really was. and where i got to have friends and do things and realize what it was to actually feel happy, not try to understand an unhappy existence as what must be okay. its not just what couldve been in the past, but also how that couldve affected the present and future. im not sure who i’d be if my life didnt have to be about survival and escape. i say i never had dreams, which is true, but in retrospect i DO think that when i was fifteen and really bearing down in trying to figure out what i wanted to do, i was already seeing activism as the answer, which made sense why it wouldnt register as a dream or ambition and why it was also impossible to pursue. i still dont think of anything like personal fulfillment through a career/job or anything. but i also dont think of what i want to do as very relevant to anything at all anymore.

anyways. i’m “used” to things, but they still depress and hurt me. i actually have a lot of sadness and anger about some of these things, like never getting to have the friends i wanted or never being able to speak and it not mattering who i really was, and how long it took me to realize this really wasn’t okay and it wasn’t because of some personal deficiency which made me deserve it somehow. also the abuse. i remember i had this how-to book about weaving friendship bracelets which i got sometime in elementary school, and it even supplied some twine and stuff. i had always wanted to have occasion to use it, and i never did, which is just symbolic. the twine/potential friendship bracelets can also be things like positive social connections that feel real and open, or my ability to feel secure in expressing affection because it seems mutual. but anyways. i also just go along.

i was thinking about the Being Gone For A Month thing and the not-talking and holding all my words back even though i think so much about all sorts of junk and thus have too much to say, and about a week ago i just spent like six hours writing about myself. i was debating doing so in the first place because i figured i wouldnt post it. i did write it, but i won’t post it. its just good to talk to myself in the form of writing. getting thoughts into that form requires an extra level of analysis and coherent flow that can help put even things you already knew more in order. so here’s this stuff instead.

there’s not much to say about this past month. the worst of it was that discovering my weird tooth is all janky and broken has made me on edge about teeth. i mean, i’ve already all but stopped worrying about the broke tooth, because i kind of do that sometimes when i can. just worry hard and then stop, because what can you do? might as well try to avoid stressing even worse. and in this case i dont have money and doubt i will ever have a job w dental coverage, so i cant do anything about it. but im always worried about my teeth because, fittingly, my parents dental genes seem to combine into that of a tasmanian devil. i think im in some Dental Report b/c i had this weird situation that needed basically a root canal but it wasnt the normal kind of root canal situation and the dentist said he hadn’t seen it or heard of it even. special. i was horrified about needing the root canal, because of the clichés. but it ended up being fine and i really just sat there for an hour thinking about whatever. dental procedures are truly not what theyre hyped up to be. on account of local anesthetics. anyways. when i left my parents house i was specifically worried about leaving my access to a dentist, but obviously it wouldve been far from worth it. but that doesn’t mean i dont worry about my teeth. so i had these few days where i just had a spontaneously sensitive gum spot and another one which im guessing i caused by jamming corn shards down in there by eating corn on the cob. that happened sort of last year, i got really worried about an angry-looking spot on my gums and finally realized something was just up in there that needed to be flossed out. anyhow. the point is i got overly worried about everything that always worries me even though it used to worry me even before going to the dentist and they’d say the stuff was fine actually. but still. i got

very worried for a minute there and i realized very easily that if i start getting any really serious tooth problems i am out of here. i have no motivation at all to live through it. i don’t want to have to deal with that. it’s way too much. i dont even have motivation to be alive now. but when i was worrying i was thinking about not using my handful of cash to change locations, but instead to get some fancy Dying Equipment. there are still some methods by which im not sure i could try offing myself. but if things got a lot worse, like teeth problems, i could probably lower those standards. i COULD obtain some items for one method, or by necessity do it for free. im less worried about the tooth stuff now. it was just an unfortunate convergence of a couple tiny things. but ive still got a sensitive spot or two, and im always a bit worried. if something bad happens i cant do anything about it except get tf out of this life cycle, right.

there was something else unfortunate i was going to talk about. maybe just the depression.

there were nice, small things. i always knew how to enjoy those kinds of stuff. i like the sky, and i appreciate that its summer. theres a lot of fireflies sometimes and i saw kittens chasing them one day. one of those kittens mightve gotten killed by something since. i got to hear rain on the roof a few times. i like corn on the cob even if it betrayed me. i was wanting some last summer. i also got to make sweet tea and lemonade for the first time in forever. i’d been wanting that for a long time too.

the nicest surprise was that i had been writing extra hard since the start of june. i sort of really pushed at it and got to the dividing point between the section and the next, and i was sure it was shorter than previous sections. but actually it was just over 1000 words short of being 140k, and i’d written it all in about five weeks, and it was abt 22.5% longer than the next longest section i’d written. i’ve since gotten to a point i’ve been writing towards since this whole time, and im right on the verge of another long awaited one right now. it’s nice, but writing has been fun, and i hope i dont get depressed if i hopefully do finish it. i can just write some more, but doing so on my phone isnt the most efficient. it doesnt seem sustainable.

anyways thats it for now before i can think of anything else to say am i right

[thedivinemoral-blog]

The Modern Day Religious, and Syrian Refugees.

This is a post I make for followers of Islam, Catholics, Christians, and Jews.

Everyone should question religion and themselves. A quote I like to say is that one should not blindly follow. It may not be a religious quote but it is however an obvious one. The problem with modern day religion simply put, is that anyone who is religious must defend themselves.

Im not a person who is against anyone agnostic or athiest, but it is depressing just how much they are against me. Many times have I had some one turn around, whether young or old, and try to shut down a friendly conversation between a friend and myself.

I’ve been called a bible hugger or stupid too many times. Its actually rather sad, although the same could be said for the overly righteous (and mildly hilarious) crazy christians we see on the internet. Either way, either side, seems is full of some sort of anger.

Everyone wants to feel like they’re important, wants to be heard. They need to be behind something. There is a religious phrase “love thy neighbor.” Its also a pretty realistic phrase. Its one Id wish to remind every person about.

Its becoming normal for people to not be religious. I dont blame anyone for this. This is also causing major changes within all religions. Here in Canada, young muslim people are generally much more open than you’d expect. They have to fight extremely hard sometimes to make people understand that not all people have radical views.

As a person of mixed Roman Catholic and Orthodox Christian faith, I find it extremely hard to fit in with the views I have. I love gay people, I love the fact that people can choose to have an abortion, and I love Islam.

I love all religion.

The world is having another huge social battle right now. With the rush of Syrian refugees, Europe, The United States, and to a certain degree, Canada, isnt sure what to do. Though I am certain that the actual refugees are even less sure on what to do.

I mean imagine having your family taken, your country destroyed and everyone around you spitting on your even being there. Though there is a much more obvious problem as well. Europe and the USA are fighting against the refugees with using a huge aggression towards the fact that they’re generally Muslim.

Especially Europe. This is a huge issue because as you may know, there are Syrian Christians. Does this mean that they will look at them any differently? I highly doubt it. In fact Syria is mentioned in the bible throughout, starting right off with the book of genesis.

The problem I generally have with Religion in The United States in particular, correct me if you see it as being wrong, is that they generally seem to have a huge issue with the middle east. Many people there hate the middle east, but then will turn around and call America “Gods Country.”

Gods country, one of them anyway, technically, is in fact Syria.

Or you could say the same for older time (and modern I guess) racism from the west. Many people were (and still are) extremely racist towards people of middle eastern descent, not realizing everyone in the bible probably looked just like them. I mean, egypt, palestine, israel, syria?

Where do people think these places are?

Its rather depressing seeing people rally against these poor refugees, not seeing them as being people in need. Especially when you bring religion into your argument. Do you truly believe that Christ himself would turn away people in need? Children? Especially people who follow his faith?

Jean-Nicolas Beuze, a Canadian human rights worker and advocate said; “Becoming a refugee is never a choice,  It’s a decision you have to make to save your life and the lives of your children.” This is literally the case here. This really shouldnt be considered an invasion, but rather a migration.

If you dont want some one around you, why would you not try to help them go somewhere they can? This is the issue I have with what Europe is doing right now. The people at these rallies, they dont care about the actual people who have to go through this, they cannot put themselves in anothers shoes. They are violent and ignorant to the fact that they can help these people. Its not a religious problem, this is racism at its core.

Look, I can understand some not wanting to become a “multicultural country”, but in the refugees defense, that small minority would not change anything that much. Actually, was it that big a problem when huge numbers of Jews dwelled in Poland? This cant be a religious issue, it must be propaganda and racism. The same thing happened to the Orthodox Community in Poland, they argued that Orthodoxy was a form of russification, and that they will not let it happen. Though it is rather silly, considering they got Catholicism from Germany, apparently.

Did I mention Im half Polish? Oops.

But I guess thats another issue altogether. Look, all Im saying is, you can turn away a young man today from your country, but my hope is that he will come to Canada, become a doctor, and save more lives than any person who hates so much ever will.

If a child is born from a father who was a killer, why would you blame that baby for his bloodline? Do you think these children are born thinking that one day anything like this would ever happen? Question your religions and yourselves.

You may have a few people who could be a criminal, but you are turning away literally thousands upon thousands of people, mainly children, who are amazing human beings. In fact, theyre probably nicer and more accepting than all these ralliers. They have been through a war comparable to world war 2, taken themselves on rafts across oceans, across countries. These are strong, admirable people. I can only imagine the great things these children will do.

But if anything, maybe they dont have to do a thing. Maybe what they really just need to do, is live a normal life. You dont have to become the president of the united states, a doctor, or a teacher. Being able to live a normal life is a serious privilege. North America is like a kingdom. Even Europeans move here. I dont think a lot of these “patriots” really understand how extremely difficult it can be to be someone else. You should really help people who deserve it in any situation.

A lot of people say that you just dont know who is a criminal. Thats so true, you dont know. You may turn away a group of people that had no criminals. Its depressing. Im sure the law can handle itself, we can handle criminals. The United States was known for terrorism coming from young white college students for decades. The law handled it, no matter how sad the problem may be. Things happen, always.

In conclusion, its extremely important to think critically about any situation. Canada is open to all refugees and has an extremely low terrorism rate… knock on wood. My point is that all people need to come together, perhaps not to become multicultural but to help all cultures survive and thrive in a world that should know better.

-The Divine Moral