#the last of FEDRA

[psychedelic-ink]

𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝 - 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐈𝐎𝐀𝐃𝐊

Pairing: FEDRA!Javier Peña x firefly!reader

Genre: slice of life, smut, romance, angst, enemies to reluctant friends to lovers, TLOU AU, minors dni

Summary: Javier, a former member of the Federal Disaster Response Agency in Kansas City, is haunted by the guilt and violence he indirectly caused by not taking action when he should have. After fleeing Kansas City in the aftermath of Kathleen's violent overthrow of FEDRA, you and Javier seek refuge in an abandoned train in the middle of a forest.

As you and Javier turn the train into a living space and learn to navigate the dangers of a post-apocalyptic world, you gradually overcome your differences and form an unlikely bond. But when your pasts catch up with you, you must confront the demons that haunt you and make a choice that could mean the difference between life and death. Will you choose to protect each other and find a way to build a new life together, or will the ghosts of your pasts tear you apart?

word count: 4.5k

chapter summary: you and javier get off on a rocky start.

warnings: canon typical violence, arguing, a brief reference to Ellie and the main TLOU plot, no y/n

Deadhead - A railcar or locomotive that is being transported empty, typically to be used for future shipments.

The day was warm, the sun bright. Small petals flew further away from the green grass, colorful flowers moving left and right with the soft caress of the wind. The vest Javier wore dug uncomfortably into his chest, his rifle slung over his back and pistol snug on his hip. The lovely weather mocked him, taunted him. It was a lie. A facade. The color, the white clouds, the green grass— all of it seemed muddled now. If he tried hard enough he could see specks of blood, tainting the visual that could as well be a spitting image of a Van Gough painting. 

But despite it all. Despite knowing it’s a lie, despite knowing the horror, he still wore the letters; F E D R A— Federal Disaster Response Agency. He liked to think that they were doing some good. At least they drove the wretched infected underground, right? They did one good thing, so that made the killing, the rape, and the torture okay. 

Right? 

“Fuck me.” he muttered into the wind, hoping the words, later on, would be carried back to him, reminding him that hey, at least I knew something was wrong. 

He noticed someone walking up to him. He was expecting it, really. Micheal Coghlan. The man who by some goddamn miracle still carried goodness inside of him. The type of goodness that would radiate through the cracks of skin and bone, the type that would bring light to a person’s face. 

Micheal had a limp. 

It was caused by someone Javier knew but didn’t particularly like. He saw it happen. He still heard the bone snapping into two when he closed his eyes at night. The man stood next to him and Javier observed him from the corner of his eye. Once upon a time, he could call his face roguishly handsome. It wasn’t a sharp face, round around the edges, with a bit of stubble; shaved by his sister no doubt. His eyes were kind, a darker shade of brown compared to his own, lips thin and chapped. Thirsty. 

Javier cleared his throat, hand going to his waist, he pulled out his flask and offered it to him. 

“Water?” 

He took it without an answer. Drank it in a way where water droplets would stream from the corner of his lips, his gulps loud. It made Javier feel awkward. Micheal stood a bit straighter when he offered the flask back. It was empty. 

“So what did you want to talk about?” Javier asked. 

Micheal smiled and crinkles appeared in the corners of his eyes. “The people.” 

It’s a bird violently flying into the window that wakes you. 

Your eyes open fearfully, your heart beating a mile a minute. Your breathing is uneven. Dust clings to both the inside of your throat and skin. Eyes still wide open, you stare at the ceiling of the train. The seats you managed to sprawl yourself upon are uncomfortable, jagged metal sticking into your skin, making ugly marks and dents. When your breathing calms, and body relaxes, you slowly get up. 

The weather is hot, yet gray clouds decorate the sky. The heat of rain, you like to refer to it as. You can barely see the sun, the light of it filtered through the gray, painting the world into a muted color. Fitting. 

You hear a snore and direct your gaze toward the sound. You see the boots that belong to a man that’s sleeping a couple of rows ahead, too big to truly fit and get comfortable. Javier Peña. You heave yourself up by grasping the heads of the seats, your legs aching and stumbling like a newborn doe’s. His shirt is unbuttoned from the top, revealing golden, scarred skin. Your eyes trail further down, and they don’t stop until you see the gun strapped to his waist. You think about how easy it would be to just take it, to shoot him and try to find your people. 

Then you remember. They’re all gone. You have no people. Marlene’s words were clear;

The girl’s gone. No more soldiers, no cure, no nothing. The fireflies are dead; you’re on your own now. 

A chill crawls up every inch of your skin. Why are you even here? Why are you with him of all people? You’re not sure yet. It’s much easier to dislike him when he’s not speaking and his eyes are closed. 

You hate that when they are closed, the only memory of them is him being struck with fear, the flames behind you mirrored in his eyes. Kansas City quickly became a place of destruction and death. It was unexpected and with every fabric of your being, you wished you had never seen it. 

“Why are you watching me?” his voice startles you; it’s deep with sleep. “It’s creepy.” 

“I was thinking about taking your gun and shooting you.” 

“I’ve always loved an honest woman. What stopped you?” 

“I have no place to go.” 

“Neither do I, as you know,” he says. He finally opens his eyes, but only to stare at the ceiling in a similar way you did not moments ago. “So where does that leave us?” 

You don’t understand what he’s asking you. The air is still.  Javier takes a sitting position, his elbows pressed into his knees and hands hanging loosely between his legs. 

“I say we stay here,” he says, voice firm.

“The train?” you ask, confused.

He shrugs. “Why not? It’s covered pretty well, it’s far enough for people to see and close enough if—god forbid—we want to head back into the city.” 

“You want us to live together?” 

“I want us to turn this into a living space. After that leave, if you want,” he rubs his thumb into the corner of his lips. “Though I wouldn’t really advise leaving, and I definitely need your help.” 

“So I should stay because?” 

“Safety. Security.” his smile is bitter. “What else can a person want during the end of times?” 

“Someone they can trust.” 

“You can trust me.” 

You look him over. He must’ve sensed your immediate hostility because his gaze slowly moves to you. He returns your suspicion in like, contemplating what to say. You don’t trust him. He doesn’t trust you. Javier’s fingers twitch and his hand moves to clap over his pocket. He lets out a sigh of relief when he feels the familiar shape of a cigarette box. 

He licks his lips again. 

You gaze out the windows. They’re thick with dust and vines, the outside seems a tad bit brighter now, the gray clouds clearing up a bit. 

“Being addicted must be hard,” you mutter. “What are you going to do when you run out? Sacrifice yourself for a box of Marlboros?” 

He chuckles. “Maybe. Who knows. I’m not out of stock yet.” 

“Not a very comforting thing to hear from a man that’s arguing that I should trust him.” 

“It’s not like I said I’d trade you for a pack of cigarettes.” 

“Who knows. That’s what you said, right?” 

He sighs and gets up. He walks down the narrow hall of the train, hands brushing over the headrests. You follow him outside, and just like you suspected, the weather is grossly warm with no light. The dry weeds crunch under your boots. Javier pulls out the crumpled pack and offers you one; you shake your head. You’re surrounded by trees, with little to see except the sky.

“Wouldn’t want to dry out your stock faster.” 

“That scared of what I’ll do if I run out?” he smiles, placing the butt of the cigarette between his lips. “I’m trying to figure out if you’re paranoid or smart.” 

“Paranoia works.” 

“I guess that’s true.” he mutters, lighting a match. “So what are you going to do? Stay or leave?” 

Javier inhales deeply, his lips not too tight not too loose. A soft groan vibrates from the back of his throat and he lets go of the smoke. Your eyes follow the dance of it, twisting and dissipating like the vapor on the first exhales of winter. He places the cigarette back between his lips and tucks his hands behind as he leans back into the metal surface of the train.  

He waits as you think. It’s ironic really, the fact that you’re actually contemplating staying with him. Needless to say, FEDRA and the fireflies don’t have the best relationship, but you guess that’s all behind you now. There are no organizations at this moment, no rebellions. Just him and you; two people looking for a way to survive. 

You turn to stare at the train. It’s nearly completely intact— there are six cars and the locomotive. If you stare hard enough you can spot the tracks buried under the moss and grass. It would take a lot of work, but indeed it was possible to turn it into a living space. 

“Give me a gun,” you say and he smiles. 

“What makes you think I have more than one?” 

“Then give me the one.” you press. 

“The first thing you said to me this morning was that you wanted to shoot me.” he pushes himself away from the metal surface. Pulling his cigarette away from his lips, he stands an inch away from you and holds your gaze. His smile disappears as smoke fans across your face, making your stomach churn. “Are you going to stay?” he asks. 

“If you give me the gun then sure.” you tilt your chin up. “I don’t trust FEDRA.” 

“I’m not FEDRA anymore and you’re not a firefly.” 

“You were once. I think you can see why I have my reservations. You weren’t just any FEDRA soldier, you were a part of it in Kansas City. I heard horror stories about that place.” you rub your eyes, trying to erase what they had seen. “And I actually witnessed the fables.”  

Javier takes a step back then, admitting defeat. Something horrific seems to cross his face, a series of violent images perhaps, or maybe it was the loss of his “friends” whatever it was you don’t pay much mind to it. Everyone has pain. Even children who are meant to be carefree and happy. You’re surprised when he suddenly hands you the gun, cigarette loose between his lips. You take the weapon. It’s heavy in your hand, cold between your fingers. 

“Satisfied?” 

“Very much so, yes.” you don’t smile, but you pull an expression very similar to it. He exhales another breath of smoke, and you push the gun under your waistband. “Where do we start?” 

“You can’t be serious, Carillo.” 

It was dark and he could barely see the figure of his colleague. Javier had the intention of stepping forward and taking the gun from the other, but he stood there instead, heart beating in his throat. His stomach churned, bile thick on his tongue. Carillo didn’t bother to look at him. There was a man that was on his knees in front of the captain, his head bowed, shaking like a leaf. Carillo aimed his gun at him, his jaw tense. 

“You rather them kill us?” 

“I rather none of us kill each other.” 

Carillo finally turned to him then. Javier would expect the captain’s eyes to soften but they didn’t. 

“You heard what happened in the other QZ’s,” he spat. “Soldiers being killed, murdered. The people rioting. We can’t let weeds grow free Peña, he already killed one of us. You heard the rumors to overthrow FEDRA.” 

Before Javier could say anything a gunshot echoed, a body fell lifelessly to the concrete. He didn’t move. He didn’t even twitch. He just watched. Carillo placed a hand on his shoulder and the skin under Javier’s shirt burned—his stomach trembled then. 

“Ya no vivimos en un mundo de misericordia. Elige un bando.” 

Pick a side. 

Carillo left, Javier followed. Without thinking, his hand went to his empty flask. The cool metal under his fingertips did little to soothe him.

It’s odd being here with him. You feel trapped by nature, by circumstance. Nothing is the same and nothing would ever be the same. You lean over and sweep out the glass into a tattered bag. Javier had decided on burying the glass or anything else you might find and have no use for down into the dirt. You didn’t have any objections to that. When you lean over to pick up a piece of a broken wine bottle, you feel the gun Javier gave you pressing into the skin of your hip. 

You always hated cleaning before the outbreak. Now it was a soothing thing to do. It felt normal. A reminisce of the past. Still, you can’t help but feel sick from being at ease. Change has to happen. But with the immune girl gone, and the fireflies basically disbanded (at least that was what you could tell from Marlene's massage) there is nothing you can do. 

You see Javier approaching, a sheer amount of sweat coats his skin, his shirt clinging to his body. Surprisingly, he’s silent. You had expected him to talk, to pry into your past life. But he seemed to be content with just cleaning for now. 

“We should scout the area,” he says when he catches your gaze. “Look for abandoned houses, supplies. Maybe we can find a fruit bush or something and plant some here for food.” 

“You do know there’s no way this is going to be like…a peaceful suburb residence right?” 

“A man can only dream.” 

He wipes a bead of sweat from his brow and your curiosity gets the better of you. 

“I need to ask,” you say and he piques with interest. “Why FEDRA? No offense but you don’t exactly look the type.” 

“I remember you saying that the first time you saw me.” 

“Still surprised you didn’t shoot me then, considering who I was.” 

“No offense but you didn’t exactly look the terrorist type. I didn’t know who, or what, you were.” 

“We weren’t terrorists.” 

“So you guys didn’t plant bombs?”  he asks sounding amused. “You didn’t kill people?” 

You narrow your eyes, heat pooling under your skin. “Only pieces of shit like you.” 

“I thought I didn’t look the type?” he sighs and shakes his head. “Look I’m not going to argue the ethics of it all and you’re definitely right. The things they—we did, FEDRA, It’s inexcusable. But don’t come here and tell me the fireflies were squeaky clean.” he takes the broken bottle from you and throws it into the bag. “I don’t want to fight about this. I don’t want to argue with you all the time. I’m not telling you I’m a good person, I don’t understand why you have to remind me. I know I’m not.” 

Silence follows. Your anger shifts into guilt and you push those feelings down. He gives you one last stern look before turning his back to you. 

“But neither are you so let’s stop bulshitting ourselves. And if you’re going to start interrogating me about my decisions—about my past— I recommend you not cuss me out a minute later.” 

His steps are loud as he leaves. You notice he left the bag behind, meaning that you managed to rile him up enough that he just had to get away from you. You probably deserved that. You don’t understand how he can shove the past aside so carelessly, how he can just forget what he’d done, what you’d done. But he was right, you aren’t a good person. Unlike him, you enjoy believing that you are. Joining the fireflies…it made you believe that you were doing good, that you were better and more noble. The killings you did were for the greater good, the people that ended up under the rubble of explosions were just a sacrifice that needed to be made—you told yourself that, again and again. 

Maybe you aren’t as bad as FEDRA but you aren’t that above it either. 

You contemplate going after him. Apologize without actually apologizing. You remember a time you used to break the tension by making a joke, how did you do that again? You can’t quite remember. 

You shake your head and continue to clear out the debris. He’ll come back. You can think about what to do then. 

Javier does eventually come back, but not before the sun had set. 

The stars appear one by one, and you hate to admit that you’d worried about him. Being alone is worse than being with someone you hate. 

Dirt and dust sit uncomfortably on your skin. After an entire day of work, you managed to clear out the broken glass, rust metals, dead insects, and rodents (you shudder at the memory). Now all of it lays outside, waiting to be taken further away from the train. 

“Where were you?” you ask when he arrives, you notice a bow strapped to his back. “And where did you find that?” 

“Careful, it almost sounds like you were worried about me.” he grins as if he hadn’t stormed away from you when the sun was at the very top. You decide to let it slide. He lifts two rabbits and your eyes go wide. “I went looking around a bit. Found this in an abandoned cabin, then did some hunting. Assuming you’d be hungry.” 

“Thanks. I…actually forgot that we need to eat.” 

“Help me build a fire?” 

You answer. “Sure.” 

The process of building a fire has become as natural as breathing air. If it were a couple of years ago, most people wouldn’t know how to build a fire but that wasn’t the case now. You doubt that anyone who had survived in this world did so by not knowing how to create flames from scraps of wood and dried leaves. Even the children know. That’s just the world they grow up in now. 

Your eyes constantly follow him whenever he moves and you can’t decide if it’s due to old habits or is it because of something else. He has a bizarre aura about him. Something that you can’t quite read. He’s soft. You’ve met a lot of FEDRA soldiers back in the day, have argued and fought against them, but you never met someone like him. He has a bite to his words, but you see the kindness swirling in his eyes, suffocating him from the inside out. It’s an odd contrast and makes you feel uncomfortable. 

He’s a man that has been beaten down by the world and the system. Him asking you to stay here is his way of giving up on everything he wanted for the world. You can see it as vividly as you see the stars. Just glimpses of his backstory winking down at you. 

The flames come alive, roaring and eating the rabbits whole. Javier had taken the job of cooking for himself, patiently watching the fire, he pokes the sizzling meat from time to time. 

“You like cooking?” you ask, and your eyes water when the wind blows the ashes into your face. 

“I did,” he answers without looking. “I wouldn’t really say I particularly enjoy cooking this.”

You cross your legs as Javier hands you a branch, skewered with rabbit meat. You take a moment to examine the branch, noting the rough texture of the wood and the way it's been stripped of any leaves or twigs. The delicate slices of meat have been threaded onto the branch with care and precision, each one spaced perfectly apart.

He takes his own portion and sits across from you, the flames curling into the air in between. He doesn’t say a word as he takes the first bite. You watch him chew. The flames lick his face, the tip of his nose a dusted red. Javier swallows and when he does you bring a piece to your lips and slowly chew. It’s gamey, slightly sweet. Overall, tastes pretty damn good. 

Your lips twitch up to a small smile. Biting into it more eagerly this time, your stomach growls as you swallow. 

“This actually tastes pretty good,” you mutter, feeling the fat from the rabbit coating your lips. 

“Well, don’t go overboard.” 

“It’s the truth.”

When you lower your gaze back down to the meat, you don’t miss the way a smile curls at his lips. The night grows louder and you two finish the rest of your dinner in silence. You hear crickets, the leaves rustling with the wind. A sweet scent touches your nose, something like newly blossomed flowers. You look into the distance and all you can see is darkness. 

Your eyes play games with you, shows you shadows of people, tricks you into thinking that you and Javier might’ve been followed by Katleen’s resistance. 

You blink. 

No. 

There’s no one there. 

Your pulse skyrockets, your heart beating in your throat. Vibrating, you turn back to Javier only to see that he’s already staring at you. His look is one of understanding, his lips relaxed as his eyes flit around your face. 

“Are you alright?” 

“Yeah,” you breathe out. “I just thought—” you look back to the silhouette of trees. “I thought I saw something.” 

“The curse of the forest,” he answers, placing a cigarette between his lips. He realizes he doesn’t have his matches with him so he leans forward and lights it from the source. Javier’s face illuminates, and you see splashes of blood, of death. It lingers over his skin, curls around his throat, stains the white of his eyes. “It makes us see things we don’t wanna see.” 

“There was this girl,” you suddenly say, swallowing down the gasp that threatened to slip from your lips. He raises an eyebrow and sits back, listening. “Marlene told us that she was immune. I was supposed to meet up with them in Boston.” 

“Immune?” he scoffs. “Immune to what?” 

“Cordyceps.” 

“Bullshit.” 

“No, it’s true,” you answer with a sudden need to convince him. You’re not sure why. “She got bit and never turned.” 

“Did you actually see it?” he exhales a puff of smoke when you shake your head. He believes he made his point. “So what about this girl? Is there a reason why you’re telling me this or are you just that afraid of the dark?” 

You bite into your bottom lip, the sting offering a fleeting relief. “It’s not that I’m afraid. It’s just too silent. It feels…naked.” 

“Naked?” he asks, grinning, he steals the cigarette from between his lips and evens his gaze with yours. “We’re covered, cariño. Nothing to worry about.” 

“Famous last words,” you tease, ignoring how his tongue rolled as he mumbled cariño. “I guess I’m not used to it yet. There’s always something to fight. Someone is always lurking in the shadows.” 

He voices out the rest of your thoughts, “It’s like all the noise and chaos of the world has disappeared, leaving you with nothing but your thoughts.”

You take a deep breath of the crisp forest air. 

Emotionally, you want to lean into him. There’s a need in your chest that doesn’t go away but it’s tainted with the anger and the hatred of the organizations that tear you away from each other. He might’ve wanted to do good once, but he chose the wrong side. He thought fireflies were terrorists, and maybe to some you were. However, at least you weren’t fascists and tried to help the people. For better or for worse.

“It doesn’t hurt does it?” he says, guiding your attention back to him. Javier looks up to the sky, takes a deep inhale of smoke. It spills from his lips as he continues. “To have someone by your side.” 

No, you think as you get up and head into the train, it doesn’t. 

You don’t know what it is this time that wakes you up. There’s no noise. The only thing that convinces you that you’re not in a soundproof cell is the moonlight filtering through the dirty windows. You watch as the pine leaves move together, you’ve always enjoyed the smell of it. The sound of it comes like an afterthought, slowly gaining and getting louder. 

You get up when you feel the train shake. 

Javier is in the same spot that he always sleeps in, only a couple rows ahead. You move past him and you sneak a glance. His lips twitch and move as he sleeps. 

Stepping outside, you take in the same sight as before. It’s still eerie. 

Interestingly enough since the fire was gone the darkness seemed lighter somehow. A shimmering blackness. The moonlight probably helped. 

Dry earth cracks under your boots. The sound of the trees now mixed with something else, something violent and cruel yet beautiful. You feel the gun on your hip and travel deeper into the forest. The scent of pine and flowers that only bloom during the night stronger. The train is still visible so you don’t worry much about the distance in between. Your fingers brush over the tree trunks, you feel the moss, the sticky resin. 

You hear a click. 

Click. Click. Click. 

Just ahead there’s a clicker, moving with its arms bent and dragging its feet through the soil. Swallowing, you take a slow step back. Then another. And another. 

The chill of the night stings your skin, sticky from sweat and burning. The clicker turns in your direction and you stop moving, your one foot suspended in the air. It gains momentum, head twisting and turning. Very slowly you lower your foot, and your heart beats loud in your chest. Surely the clicker hears it. 

Fuck. 

The sound of the branch snapping underneath you was like a gunshot, reverberating through the stillness of the woods.

You don’t even get the chance to pull out the gun on your hip. 

You’re slammed into the dirt, all air forced out of your lungs. You struggle against it but it’s too heavy, too wild to be pushed off of you. The clicker screams into your face, the stench horrid. Bile builds in your throat and coats your stomach. You’re helpless. 

It makes a move towards your hands and you pull them away, its full weight suffocating you. Killing you. You can’t breathe. 

Tears flood your eyes. You know you’re about to die because you see your life flashing before your eyes, snippets of the past and possible future. You think of the fireflies, of Marlene. You see earth cleansed from the virus. 

You see Javier. He’s smiling, leading you in a dance around the wilting flames. You don’t push the thoughts away. You take them as a blessing in moments of lingering death. 

A gunshot echoes. You hear the bullet cutting through the air, whistling in the night. It sinks into the clicker’s shoulder, you hear another one, this time the bullet strikes its head.  The clicker collapses. Before you can shove the lifeless vessel away, it’s being lifted. 

You can breathe again. 

Javier is standing before you, his brows creased with worry. His lips are parted as if he’s about to say something but you beat him to it. You’re still gasping for air when you speak. 

“You had a gun.” 

“Yeah,” he heaves, sweat clinging to his chest and moonlight trickling down his skin. “I had a fucking gun.” 

Oh man, you guys have no idea how excited I am to finally be sharing the first chapter. I hope you guys enjoyed it, I'll probably be posting a new chapter every Saturday (the first 3 chapters will def go up and Saturdays, after that, if everything goes well, I'll continue it the same way)

A few thank you's are in order; @pedrito-friskito , @inklore , @fuckyeahdindjarin and @pedrorascal who listened to me go on and on about this and for their endless moral support ♥︎ and thank you to @laters-gators who beta'd this.

[j-eryewrites]

When You’re Lost in the Darkness

Part One of “A Sinner’s Redemption”

MAIN MASTER LIST | SERIES MASTER LIST

Next

Word Count: 14.8k

Warnings: (there’s so many), deaths, character deaths, gun violence, unhinged characters, mentions of sexual assault, idolization of death, Joel Miller, graphic descriptions of gore and violence, language, and children with guns (Let me know if I missed any)

* Disclosure: I do not own the plot or the characters from The Last of Us. This is a “what if” fic based on the HBO television series and the game The Last of Us.

(Italicized words are thoughts)

꧁_____________꧂

“Count slowly and clearly,” the woman’s voice rang out. Every day a new person demanded something of the girls. Two armed men stood behind the woman. Their arms were raised and ready for the slightest change of demeanor in the girls. It was as if they feared the kids. The same kids were bound and chained to the broken heater in the withering room. 

“Onetwothreefour–” the youngest of the two girls answered. She picked away at the dirt underneath her nail beds. The tiny clumps of dirt always seemed to reappear no matter how many times she scraped them away. 

“Ellie. Stand up. Slowly. And clearly.” The woman repeated. Her thumb brushed over the pen in her hand. A faint sound of clicking filled the air. The mundane noise plucked the strings of annoyance in the young girl's brain. 

The older of the two girls stuck out a leg, kicking her sister. Ellie whipped her head in her sister’s direction. Her eyes were wide and accusing as she gasped feigning hurt and betrayal. However, the glare in her sister’s eyes overpowered the young girl’s determination of perpetual annoyance. 

“Fine,” Ellie grumbled. “One. Two. Three.” Ellie’s voice enunciated each syllable with perfect pronunciation. To some, it may have seemed as if Ellie was behaving, but her sister knew better. The wide eyes, the over-exaggerated inflections, the spit flying from her mouth with each consonant, and her fingers that were clenched tightly into fists. They were all signs of the young girl’s defiance. 

“Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight…,” Ellie’s eyes now stared right into the woman’s soul. She saw how the woman’s grip around her pen tightened, earning a smile from Ellie. “...Fuck.You.” 

The woman rolled her eyes and mumbled something along the lines of “jackass kid.” 

“Now, hold out your–” the woman instructed. Her eyes darted up from her clipboard and looked right at Ellie. 

The young girl stood tall. Her arm extended out. The muscles were still and controlled. Exactly what the woman had asked of her. Ellie’s grin grew wider as the woman’s eyes fell on the long finger pointed straight towards the sky. The girl’s sister couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight. 

“State your name. Slowly.” The woman added. The tone of annoyance had grown apparent. 

Ellie lowered her arm and brought a finger up to tap her chin. Her eyes playfully darted side to side. “Sir Theobald Buster Himen.”

The woman’s frantic scribbling stopped as look at the name she had jotted down. She harshly scratched it out and glared at Ellie once again. In turn, Ellie flashed an innocent smile. Her hands extended and palms facing that day’s chosen inspector showed that she meant no harm. 

“Jesus!” Ellie exclaimed. “Can’t take a joke. It’s Ellie. Same as yesterday. And the day before. And the–”

“You.” The woman pointed to Ellie’s sister. 

The teen stood up from her seat on the splintery hardwood floor with a groan. She stuck her arm out and counted from one to ten. No clever tricks or attempts for a reaction. 

“My name’s Piper Willaims. Seventeen…” She looked at the woman. “Anything else?”

The woman clicked her pen and vacated the room. The clipboard hugged tightly to her side as if it were the most precious thing in the world. It very well could be if what they suspected about the girls was true. 

One of the two armed men stepped forwards and picked up the empty food tray. His gun raised with each step he took closer to the two girls. What were they going to do? Bite him? thought Piper. Within the blink of an eye, the door was shut with a slam. Ellie and Piper stood behind the locked door. Their wrists were chained to the wall. The only hope for escape was the cracked window in the corner of the room. 

“Hey!” Ellie shouted. “People are gonna come looking for me and my sister. People from FEDRA,” she emphasized. “You hear me? Let us out or you’re gonna pay, motherfuckers!” 

“Ellie,” Piper said. Her hand laid against her sister’s shoulder giving it a squeeze. 

Ellie shoved the hand away and grumbled. “What happened to Miss Ann Al?!”

Piper rolled her eyes and slumped against the wall behind her. Her body slid to the floor. Her free hands scratched away at the already peeling green wallpaper in the room. “Ellie…” she began.

“No, don’t give me this ‘Ellie’ bullshit.” 

“I just wanted it over with,” Piper confessed. She buried her head between her legs.  “Just accept that we’re stuck here. No one’s coming Els.”

Ellie’s shoulder dropped. “That’s not fucking true. We’re not supposed to be here!” She cried. Her hands flew up to grab at her messy hair. Her grip threatened to yank out the wavy brown locks. “I…I.” 

A tightness formed in Ellie’s chest and spread to her throat, her heart, and even her fucking lungs. Piper shot up from her seat and scurried to her sister. “Hey, hey, Ellie…come on–” 

Ellie had turned to look at her sister. A sight that disassembled Piper’s heart piece by piece. The fragile pieces threaten to fall to the floor and shatter the last of her resolve. Piper scrambled to pick up the pieces as she held her sister close. Her arms coiled around Ellie–her baby sister. 

A shudder ran through Ellie’s body turning her legs numb. “Shhh…” Piper comforted as she held the weight of her sister's limp figure. Slowly, Piper’s legs bent at the knee and lowered inch by inch to the wooden floor. The splintered surface was their only hope of refuge. 

An instinct, that Ellie’s body couldn't help but cave into, brought Piper even closer until they shared one breath and one wild heartbeat. Ellie leaned even nearer into the shield Piper’s body formed; a shield that hid Ellie from the monsters of the world and the fears that plagued her mind. Ellie submerged her dirtied face into the shirt covering her sister’s chest. It was gray but looked more like a shade that was a tad lighter than black. It smelt of death: the rancid smell of rotten mushrooms, dirt, the blend of copper and iron, and smoke. Ellie’s body trembled against Piper. The tears that stained Piper’s shirt were the closest thing it had gotten to being washed. 

Piper leaned her back against the wall. Her arms enveloped Ellie. Her mouth whispered words of comfort to her sister. A hand measled its way up and began to brush softly through Ellie’s earth-colored hair. As her fingers tangled with the strands, the brown shade merged with the red and gold highlights bringing Piper home. A home that the two of them shared in their hearts, minds, and souls. Ellie’s hair was growing long. Piper glanced around the room, hoping to find something that could be used to cut it before catching her error in thought. They, the people keeping them here, wouldn’t leave them in a room with potential tools of escape. Piper would have to find something else to keep her and her sister busy and distracted from their current situation. 

The sun had begun its descent in the sky. It was the only thing, despite the daily check-in, that was consistent for the two girls. The food and water would come and go. Some days they’d only get a meal. Others they’d have three. Sometimes a rodent friend would come to visit and on other days, Piper and Ellie would only have each other to keep company. 

The golden light flooded the opposite side of the room. Its empty warmth taunted them, only letting the girls imagine. Imagine what it’d be like to feel the fading heat that the light of the world provided. White spray-painted letters flashed across the room. The sunset presented the words with center stage. “When you’re lost in the dark…look to the light.” Piper scoffed. 

There, she sat in the shadow of the room. Her sister was concealed in her arms. Piper’s dark brown eyes looked at the light and were disgusted. Her stomach turned and her throat was caught in a chokehold. The hope, the lies that the message delivered. It wasn’t true. The words spewed from the terrorist organization. The one that sought for peace–for a cure. The crumbling foundation of hypocrisy. Hope was ignorance and ignorance was blind. Blindness to the fucked-up world outside the walls of Piper’s prison.

She’d already lost too many people to the blindness. A tear snuck down her cheek. The tear tracks washed away the dried blood, soil, and grime, and with it came the memories. The memories of the people she’s lost to the blindness. 

꧁_____________꧂

There was something about the smell of cotton sheets that eased even the greatest of nerves present in Piper’s body. The smell was faint; as it would be if the sheet were over two decades old. She was lying in the bottom bunk. Of course, Ellie got the top. The metal bed above Piper creaked and groaned as her sister twisted and turned. An attempt to settle her mind. 

It wasn’t much: the room, a roof over their heads, a bed to sleep in, and safety from the world outside the walls. In fact, Piper might have even indulged in the necessities they were provided if it hadn’t been for the price. It all came with the promise of their futures. Piper had already signed hers away earlier than the rest of the kids did in the FEDRA Preparatory School. FEDRA states that kids aren’t old enough to ‘serve’ or become ‘dogs’ until their eighteen years of age. That rule, strictly enforced, didn’t apply to Piper. Why would it when she showed potential others didn’t reveal until they were shot and buried six feet under? To FEDRA it was simple, the girl could shoot and shoot well. Nine times out of ten she’d hit her target. Piper was also tall and thin. Her arms could reach high places, but her figure was small enough to easily avoid attacks and enemy fire. In FEDRA’s eyes, she was fucking perfect, so they bypassed the law and put her to work. A twelve-year-old girl in a war of men. 

However, since she was still a kid. Piper went to school. She’d learned science, math, and whatever bullshit the teachers wanted to spew at her. It was all propaganda to break the will of the young to fight back, to want more. FEDRA was the only option and they made sure of it. But the clock was ticking. What seemed years away, was now only a year. A year until she turned eighteen. A year until FEDRA could have her do anything they wanted. No more school. No more smell of cotton sheets. No more Ellie. To make matters worse, Ellie knew. There was no hiding it from her sister. 

Piper closed her eyes. The rustling from above had stopped. Maybe Ellie had fallen asleep. A groan fell from the sky. Never mind. The springs of the mattress above screeched out. 

“Psshh. Pipes,” Ellie whispered. Although it was more like a loud hiss. 

“Pipes.” 

Piper remained silent. Her eyes were adamant about getting some shut-eye. Something she’d not be getting on the shift that night. 

“Piper Williams, greatest sister of all! Pipes. Piper. Piper. Piper. Pip–” 

Piper’s eyes pried open. “Jesus, Ellie! What?! I’m trying to get some sleep.”

Ellie’s head was dangling off the edge of the bed. Her hair fell down to the ground with the force of gravity. It seemed like the blood in her body was doing the same–rushing to her head. “That’s a load of infected shit and you know it,” Ellie chuckled, catching her sister in the lie. Ellie grunted and swung her legs around. Her feet were now planted firmly on the floor with her hands on her hips as Ellie stared down at her sister. 

“How–” 

“You can never sleep when you have a guard shift at night.” Ellie clutched at her chest right where she thought her heart would be. “Fourteen years, I’ve been by your side. What am I? Chopped liver?” 

Piper sat up and, in an instant, reached out to her sister and yanked her down on the bed. Ellie let out a scream at the sudden movement. The young girl’s arms flailed around in an attempt to gain some control. Ellie’s hand latched onto the bottom of Piper’s jacket and flipped it forward, covering Piper’s face. Piper chuckled at her sister’s distraction. Her hold on Ellie only tightened as her legs wrapped around her younger sister. 

“No, no, no…not the legs,” Ellie heaved. “It’s not...fair.” Her breath was heavy as she squirmed in her sister’s hold. Ellie kicked up her legs to push Piper back but only secured her trapped position. 

“Give?” Piper asked. Her voice was slightly strained from the playful struggle. 

“Jesus, flying fuck!” Ellie cursed. She took a free hand and slapped Piper’s shoulder. “I give. I give. I give. I giv–” 

A sigh escaped Ellie’s mouth as her lungs relished in the ability to breathe without some restriction. She craned her neck side to side with a satisfying pop sound soon to follow. Ellie flexed her arms, shaking them. “How–how do you win every single time? It’s like you’ve got superpowers or something.”

“Come on Ellie. Seventeen years. Three years longer on this miserable planet than you. Just enough time to finesse my superb skills,” Piper brought her fingers to her lips and performed what was called a ‘chef’s kiss’. Ellie groaned and Piper could practically hear her sister’s eyes roll into the back of her head. “You love me.” 

“Do I?” Ellie asked. Piper smirked. “Yeah, I do,” Ellie said. Her voice had grown soft. 

Piper knew that tone. “What’re you thinking of?” 

“Huh?” Ellie responded. 

“You’re thinking,” Piper noted. “A dangerous thing, by the way.”

Ellie shrugged her shoulders. “Just tired I guess.”

Piper raised her brow comically high. “Ellie? Tired? I thought I’d never live to see the day.” 

“Fuck off,” Ellie said as she shoved her sister’s shoulder. Without another word, Ellie stepped onto the lower bed and pushed herself up and onto the top bunk. There was a shuffle and a deep sigh before Ellie lay still. 

Piper sat in her bed. Her ears tuned into Ellie’s breathing like a stereo. The inhales and exhales served as a metronome to try and lull Piper to sleep. Ellie was right. Piper could never sleep when she had the night shift, so instead, she thought. Something Piper was good at. Her eyes peered over to the window. There were a few clouds in the distance, Piper noted. Although not enough for rain. She’d be saved from another soggy socks evening. Even without the rain, there'd be other things to look out for: Raiders, infected, those out after curfew. She thought of the possible bribes she’d received to spare a life. Her backpack and a few other survival tools were amongst those bribes. Then her mind recalled the feeling of loading, aiming, and shooting a gun. The feeling of the trigger underneath her finger. A weapon of potential destruction in the hands of a child. Piper shook her head. She wasn’t a child anymore. She hadn’t been for a long time, not since the night FEDRA decided she was old enough to venture into the world. She rolled onto her side. At least she could offer Ellie the childhood she never got. A silent tear rolled down Piper’s cheek. The salty taste entered her mouth. She’d see the world burn before they touched Ellie. That spark, that fiery innocence in her sister was her hope and light and Piper would do anything to see it thrive. 

꧁_____________꧂

Ellie had fallen asleep by some miracle. It was deep and restful. She didn’t even hear Piper get up for her shift on guard. A true miracle indeed. 

However, what wasn’t a miracle was how she woke up. There was a snarl and a few clicks before Ellie registered a weight on top of her. 

“Raaa!” A voice growled at her. 

Ellie screamed and shoved the figure on top off and toppled to the floor. Whoever it was landed on the floor with a groan. Not that Ellie cared. Her hand already gripped tightly around the switchblade Piper had gotten for her. 

“Riley?” Ellie croaked. Her voice was sore from the sudden awakening. 

“Ow,” Riley groaned. Her hand rubbed her hip. “I landed on my hip.” 

Riley stood up just as Ellie hopped down from her bunk. Her brown eyes caught sight of Piper’s empty bed. 

“What the hell? I thought you were an infected,” Ellie said. 

Riley smirked. “I know. It was kind of awesome.” Her eyes fell on the knife in Ellie’s hands. “Well, you’re not gonna kill me, are you?”

Ellie’s eyes widened and she quickly shoved the knife under Piper’s pillow. “I haven’t seen you in…I don’t even know how long.” 

“Forty-five days. Well, forty-six…technically,” Riley clarified. Her smiley persona faltered for a moment as she took notice of the vacant bed. “Where’s Piper?”

Ellie looked back at the bed, “Uh…she’s on shift. Should be back soon.”

“You’re lucky to room with your sister. I had to sleep under Liz for three years and you know how much that girl smells,” Riley said. 

Ellie chuckled. “I never said Piper didn’t smell.” 

Riley nodded. Her smile reappeared. “Wanna know what I’ve been up to?”

“All this time…” Ellie’s voice grew soft. “I thought you were dead.”

“Yeah–Here,” Riley said. Her hand reached around her neck and removed a small pendant. She ran her thumb over it before passing it over to Ellie. “Look.”

Ellie’s jaw fell open. “No way. You’re a Firefly.” As Ellie gawked at the pendant, Riley meandered around the room. In the corner of the room were a couple photos. Most of them were of Ellie and Piper, but one was of Ellie and Riley. 

Riley’s face flushed pink. “You still have it up,” she muttered. 

Ellie's eyes widened as a wave of realization hit her. She rushed to the door and pulled it open. Her head stuck out into the hall and looked both ways. Right to left and to right again. 

“What are you doing?” Riley whispered. 

Ellie peered over her shoulder at Riley, “I’m making sure I don’t get caught with a Firefly in my room.”

Riley chuckled at her friend’s antics. “Relax. There are no soldiers on the entire floor.” 

“You sure about that?” A voice rang out. Ellie jumped back and scrambled to grab her switchblade. 

Piper stood leaning against the doorway with her arms crossed. Her long dark brown hair was glued to her sweaty forehead. She had a smirk on her face as she watched Ellie and Riley’s panic. How her sister had crept up on the two of them like that, Ellie had no clue. 

“Jesus fucking Christ, Piper! You gave me a heart attack,” Ellie exclaimed. 

Piper stepped into the room and shut the door behind her. “Riley. You’re looking good.” 

Riley gulped. 

“She’s a Firefly,” Ellie blurted. 

Riley shot Ellie a nervous look. 

“Relax Riley. I’m off duty. No Firefly killing for me anymore,” Piper teased. The words did little to subdue Riley’s fear. “Hey, I’m not gonna hurt you. I promise–here,” she stole the pendant from Ellie’s hands and passed it back to Riley. “Congrats. You got out. Unlike me. Are we cool?”

Riley glanced up from the pendant to Piper. “We’re cool.” She placed the pendant back around her neck. She looked back to Ellie and Piper. “Let’s get out of here, and I’ll tell you guys all about it, being a Firefly and all.” 

“It’s almost morning and I have military drills,” Ellie groaned. “You know, where we learn how to kill Fireflies.”

“Piper,” Riley begged. 

Piper sighed and opened up a dresser drawer. She chucked a pair of pants at Ellie. “Put some pants on and let’s go. It won't hurt to miss one drill.” 

“This is so dumb,” Ellie complained as she shoved her legs into the pant holes. This was a new pair Piper had gotten her. With a grunt and a zip of a zipper, Ellie was dressed and ready to go. 

“Come on. When have we ever gotten into trouble?” Riley reached over to Piper. “Plus, we have FEDRA’s sharpest shooter by our side.”

Piper chuckled. “Flattery will get you nowhere, Riley.” Piper crouched down to the ground and pulled out her backpack from underneath the bed. She opened it up, made a mental checklist of what was missing, and then returned to the dresser to fill the empty spaces. Soon the bag was swung over Piper’s shoulder. A matching one on Ellie’s shoulder per Piper’s request. She knew it was better to be prepared than sorry, especially in the shitty world they lived in. 

꧁_____________꧂

Piper’s back was leaned up against one of the games in the arcade. BAC-MAN or something like that. The bright yellow letters had faded with time making it hard for the teen to read. Piper had a watchful eye on Riley and Ellie’s cheerful forms. Their hands gripped tightly around the controls of a game that had stopped working long before any of them were born. 

They were playing an imaginary game of The Turning. Riley squealed and pointed to the black screen telling Ellie to watch out. The two giggled as their playthrough finished. 

“So?” Riley asked. 

Ellie shrugged. “It was alright.” The smile on her face betrayed her bored tone. 

“You loved it!” Riley corrected.

“Yeah. I kinda did,” Ellie confessed. 

The two of them shared a look and then burst into a fit of laughing. Piper smiles as she pushes herself off the game. “Alright, you two–”

“Do you hear that?” Riley interrupted. 

The trio went silent. A faint sound in the distance began to creep into their ears. It was music and it was muffled by a door in front of them. 

Riley smiled and headed towards the door. Ellie tensed and reached out to grasp Riley’s arm. 

“Hey,” Riley stopped in her tracks. “We should head back.” Ellie turned to look at Piper for reassurance. “I need to head back.” 

Piper sent her sister a confused look at the mention of “I”. 

Riley brushed Ellie’s arm away. “You’ve got plenty of time.”

“Riley…” Ellie muttered. “I don’t have any more strikes left at this place.” Riley and Piper froze. 

“What do you mean you don’t have any more strikes, Ellie?” Piper asked. 

What had Ellie been getting into when she was away, Piper thought. Her worry for her sister grew. Piper knew that she was a treasure to FEDRA but that didn’t extend to her sister. The line that allowed Piper to stay close to her sister was already thin, but now it seemed to be hanging by a thread. 

“Tomorrow, we’ll just pick up where we left off,” Ellie proposed, completely ignoring her sister’s question. 

Riley’s expression fell. Piper knew that look. That look of fear, sadness, and a lost future. There wasn’t going to be a tomorrow. 

The words that left Riley’s mouth next only confirmed Piper’s suspicions. “I can’t.” 

“Well, we’ll just do it another day then.” Ellie was getting desperate. Riley stepped away from the door and reached out to Ellie. Ellie scoffed and pushed Riley away. “Okay Firefly-girl, when?”

“There’s not going to be a when, Ellie. Or a tomorrow for that matter,” Piper answered for Riley. 

Riley looked down. The ground seemed really interesting right now. Almost as if it held all the secrets of the world.  

Ellie shook her head. It couldn’t be. “Riley?”

“They’ve asked me to leave,” Riley muttered. 

“Leave what?” Ellie felt her throat tightening up. 

Riley sniffed and looked up at Ellie. Her dark eyes filled with tears. “Boston. I’m supposed to join a group in another city.” 

Ellie glared at her friend. Anger melted with frustration, and sadness. She wasn’t mad at Riley. She couldn’t be. Instead, she bore a hatred for them. The ones who were sending her best friend away. Soon Piper’d be taken from her. She’s heard what the FEDRA soldiers say about her sister. She’d be eighteen soon. Everyone was leaving. They were leaving and Ellie would be alone. 

“I argued with them to stay here!” Riley exclaimed. “But you know how Marlene is. Nothing is easy with her. Everything’s a test…” Riley grew quiet. “They’re picking me up tomorrow.” 

An “Okay,” was all Ellie could muster. 

Riley scoffed. “That’s it?” 

Piper took a step back from the two of them. Their argument was one she was not invited to. She knew her presence would only aggravate them more. She stepped back to the comfort of the BAC-MAN game and closed her eyes. Her eyes tried to tune into the faint music. It still could be heard over Riley and Ellie’s commanding voices. 

“What do you want me to say?” Ellie was exasperated. 

“I don’t know. How about some friendly advice?” Riley suggested. 

Ellie rolled her eyes. 

“Ellie. I’m serious.”

“Fine!” Ellie’s jaw clenched. “Why’d you bring me and Piper here?”

Piper sighed. Looks like she couldn’t escape the argument after all. She began to shuffle out of her place by the machine when Riley’s voice broke through. 

It was soft, clear, pure, and sincere. “I wanted to see you.” 

Oh, Piper thought. 

There was a small pause before Ellie asked again. The meaning behind Riley’s words went in one ear and out the other. Piper wanted to smack her sister on the side of her head and call her a dumbass but decided against it. Ellie could figure this out on her own. 

“No. Why did you bring us here?”

“I don’t know.”

“‘I don’t know?’” Ellie repeated. “You want my advice? Go.”

Piper winced. Jesus Ellie. She knew her sister could be cruel, but this was just mean. 

“C’mon. Let’s just say our goodbyes. Piper,” Ellie stated. 

Piper re-entered the conversation. Her head spun from the dancing Ellie and Riley were doing around each other. 

“I’m gonna go check out this music,” Piper announced. 

Ellie’s eyes went wide at her sister's actions. One might think she was just stabbed in the back. 

“Piper!” Ellie reprimanded, earning a middle finger from her sister as she disappeared through the doors. Ellie’s eyes flashed to Riley. “Riley…” Ellie warned. Riley shrugged and followed Piper. 

The arcade that moments before seemed so lively and fun, now was the cause of chills to climb underneath Ellie’s skin. The eyes of the game characters on worn posters stared at her following her every movement. She was alone. It was dark. She was alone. Her ears echoed with the pounding of her heart, and the faint sound of music seeping through the doors. 

“Goddamn it, “Ellie cursed. Before the walls around her could cave in, Ellie opened the door and chased after Riley and Piper. 

She found herself in a large and open space. Ellie’s eyes narrowed as they adjusted to the warm lights that flooded her view. There was a distant hum. Electricity. There was power. Ellie scanned the room and found her sister and Riley huddled over a radio. 

“Have you ever seen anything like this?” Riley muttered. Her eyes were agape bright smile on her face. 

Piper shook her head. The view was undeniable. There was something about the wake that the fall and chaos humanity caused that created an enticing atmosphere. The three of them stood in what Piper thought to be a mall of some sort. She’d heard about it from the older folks in the QZ. A store with many more stores. “You could find anything you needed,” they’d tell her. Despite the debris and trash scattered all around the floor, the mall had retained its original state. Piper knew that the stores had probably been picked over and that most of the dark corners were probably piled up with bodies or infected. She could still imagine what it would have been like before the outbreak. 

She imagined that she'd come here with friends, a big group of them. They'd hang out all day, spending money and snacking on the food in the food courts. Piper smiled. That’s how life should have been not patrolling the QZ and shooting at anything that makes a sound or moves. 

“Are we done gawking?” Ellie asked. 

“I don’t know. Are we?” Piper snapped. She was over her sister’s tantrum. 

“Hey, you don’t get to be pissed off at me, when I’m not pissed off at you,” Ellie retorted. 

“For what?” Riley shot back. “Asking you what you think?”

Piper rolled her eyes. 

“When have you ever cared about what I think? We were good. We were better than good and then you told me to fuck off. And then you just up and vanish. This whole day…” Ellie’s voice cracks just enough to make Piper regret her harsh words. “…Do you feel guilty?  Do you want an out? I’m giving it to you.” 

“I’m supposed to hole up on the other side of town. If I get caught as a Firefly, I’m dead,” Riley spat. They’d all be dead if they were caught, Y/N corrected. “Guilt didn’t make me cross a city full of soldiers, Ellie. And yeah, I did some shit that I don’t know how to take back but– I’m trying,” Riley pleaded. 

She shrugged off her backpack and placed it on the floor. The group was silent as they all watched Riley reach into her bag and pulled out two plastic guns-water guns. Piper had only seen them once before. A family in the QZ once had them before they were killed.  Piper was friends with their little boy. He was sweet, but sweet isn’t cut out for the world. 

“Those water guns you’ve been dreaming of…” Riley began.” I nearly got shot for these,” she chucked as if almost dying was funny. “Surprise.” 

Ellie didn’t know what to say. Piper had told her about water guns before. How the cool water sprayed in your face as you’d chase after your friends under the summer sun was exhilarating. Even if it was just in the streets of the QZ. Ellie walked over to Riley and took a water gun into her hand. The plastic was smooth and there wasn't a scratch in sight. From the looks of it, the toys could have been manufactured yesterday and Ellie wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference. 

She twirled the water gun around in her hand. “Okay. First…I’m gonna destroy you.” She cocked the hammer back and readied her stance to aim. “And then we’ll talk.”

Riley smirked and mimicked Ellie’s actions. “You’re about to get drenched.”

“Okay,” Piper interjected. Ellie and Riley lowered their ‘weapons’ and turned to look at her. “I’m gonna go up ahead and make sure the area is clear. If I remember correctly FEDRA has already swept the building.” Ellie sighed. “That said. I’m still gonna check. You two stay together. Ellie, do you–”

“My switchblade is in my jacket pocket. I promise to not venture into dark areas. I promise to stay next to Riley and pay attention to my surroundings,” Ellie recited on instinct.  

“And…?” Piper nudged on. 

“What? I know I’m not forgetting anything,” Ellie exclaimed. 

“And have fun,” Piper replied. She flashed her sister a smile. “I’ll keep a lookout for anything useful. Any requests?”

“Ooo,” Ellie blurted. “A new shirt would be nice. This one is starting to stink.” Riley cocked a brow up. “Piper takes requests on what we’d like and maybe she’ll bring it back,” Ellie explained. 

Riley nodded. “Shirts would be great.” She said.

“Okay…” With that Piper left Riley and Ellie to their own devices. Their cheerful screams and playful taunts filled Piper’s ears. Sound was better than silence. Though sound could attract the not so pretty things. While she didn’t think there would be anything or anyone, she still left the safety of the group to ease her nerves. 

Piper reached for her thigh holster and pulled out her pistol. It was old, but it hadn’t failed her yet. Her hands gripped the gun tightly. A makeshift flashlight was taped onto the weapon, guiding Piper through the unlit areas of the mall. Her skills from the past five years were put to use. Each twitch in her muscles was calculated. Her feet falling toe to heel avoided the broken glass and breakable debris. Her thighs burned from her low stance, but it offered protection. Easier for her to duck, roll, or dart away. Her muscle memory made it easy for the teen to clear store by store. Her eyes scanned each area for anything useful. 

Piper had gained a reputation amongst FEDRA and in the QZ for her luck. She’d always seemed to find what she was looking for. A skill that came in handy. Piper had discovered a clothing store and was amazed to find clothing still hung up on the racks. She trekked through the aisle and scoffed at the women’s fashion. The scandalous, short t-shirts with bright colors and thin fabrics did nothing to stave off the fury of nature. Piper never understood how someone could dress like that–dress impractically. 

Finally, Piper found the men’s section of the store. In a back corner, there was a shelf full of long-sleeved shirts. Piper reached out her hand and fumbled with the material between her thumb and pointer finger. Thick and warm. She checked the sizes, grabbed the ones that were in the best condition, and shoved them into her backpack.  She glanced around the store one last time, before making her way to the next one. 

The voices of Riley and Ellie grew faint, and Piper prayed to God that they’d be safe. 

꧁_____________꧂

To say they were wet was an understatement. Riley and Ellie were drenched to the bone. One round was played. Soon one round became five. They would have continued on, but the way their lungs screamed at them, it would’ve taken an act of God. 

“Hey, so…I said like an asshole, but I totally meant it. You should go,” Ellie told Riley. “This is something that you’ve wanted for…you know, forever. So, who am I to stop you?” 

Ellie couldn’t believe the words that were leaving her mouth and the fact that they were genuine was even more improbable. If Piper had been here, she’d be so proud of her. 

Riley smiled. “The one person that can.” The words sounded like a joke, but it was an empty threat. Truly only one person could stop Riley from leaving. 

Ellie’s face turned a bright red. She chuckled and brushed off the feeling. “No. Please, don’t go. I’ll be so miserable without you.” She teased, unsure of the way her heart was beating in her chest. “I’ll be fine. You’ll be fine…we’ll see each other again.”

Riley nodded. She motioned to the water guns. “You should keep these. They’re not gonna do me any good.” 

Ellie happily removed the gun from Riley’s hand and placed it in her bag alongside her own. Riley watched Ellie over her shoulder and noticed a pair of headphones wrapped around a box-like shape. 

“You still lug that Walkman around?” Riley wondered. 

“Always,” Ellie states like it was the only truth she ever knew. 

“Let me see it.” 

Ellie reached into her bag and pulled out the Walkman. Her hands gently passed it over to Riley. The headphone wire coiled around the Walkman that had seen better days.  

“What’s in it?” Riley asked. Her hands unwrapped the headphones.

“That tape you gave me,” Ellie said. 

Riley smiled and nudged Ellie’s shoulder. Ellie gazed at Riley as she walked over to the stereo system popping the lid open and inserting the tape inside. With a click, the stereo sprang to life and a song began to play. It was I Got You, Babe. A song that Ellie listened to religiously. 

“You really will be miserable without me,” Riley teased. 

“Shut up.” Ellie reached down to pick up her backpack. 

“Leave it,” Riley instructed. Ellie, confused, left the bag alone. “Follow me.”

“What are we doin’?” Ellie asked. 

“You’ll see.” 

Suddenly Riley hopped onto a jewellery table. The stereo played the beat to which Riley swayed her hips. 

“What are you–” Ellie giggled. “Really?”

“C’mere,” Riley motioned for Ellie to join her. “Your sister did say to have fun.”

Ellie jumped onto the table with Riley. “So stupid…”

“Come on,” Riley begged. With the combined efforts of Riley’s pouting face, the way she danced and twirled around the table tops, and the familiar tune of the song, Ellie soon found herself bobbing along. 

The two share a dance: arms twirled around, feet stomped and tapped around, hips swirled from side to side. The song came to an end and a new one began. Ellie had lost momentum and finished her dance. 

“Ellie? What is it?” Riley asked. 

Ellie looked up at Riley. The tiny lights of the mall flashed around them like stars. Ellie wondered what Riley would look like under the stars. She just knew Riley would be beautiful. Riley always was. Ellie’s vision blurred. Who was she kidding? They’d never see the stars together. Ellie would never again hold Riley in her arms as they danced together. The thought of it made Ellie sick. She’d still have Piper, but Piper wasn’t Riley. No one was Riley. 

“Don’t go,” Ellie’s heart pleaded. 

Riley could only stare at Ellie. The anger, the sadness, the frustration, and the freedom they were both feeling from earlier melted away only leaving one thing left: love. Riley couldn’t leave. She couldn’t leave Ellie–her Ellie. So, Riley did the only thing she could think of. She took the pendant, her dream (what she thought was her dream) and cast it to the side. Her sight solely focused on Ellie. Her dream came true. 

Ellie’s heart jumped at the sight. She found her body doing what she had spent nights thinking about. Ellie stepped forward onto the tips of her toes and kissed Riley. It was perfect for that one moment when her lips were against Riley’s. In that one moment, everything was Riley. Her smell, the taste of her lips, and the feeling of Riley kissing her back was more than enough to send Ellie to the grave and back again. 

Just as fast as it came. The moment was over. Ellie opened her eyes. Riley was still there. It was real. The kiss. Riley. Everything was real. 

“That was beautiful,” a voice interrupted. Riley and Ellie stepped back from each other facing Piper who had a proud smile on her face.

“Piper, I can ex–” Ellie began to say. 

“I was wondering when you’d get together,” Piper said. Ellie opened her mouth to say something else, but Piper continued. “Found some shirts in real good condition. Here.” She threw the shirts to Riley and Ellie. “Put them on. You’re drenched…Oh and,” Piper stuck her hand into her bag. “Found some socks and underwear. You can never have enough of those.”

“Socks and underwear?” Riley chuckled. 

“Seriously,” Y/N said. “Fucking life savers. Wet socks and dirty underwear are horrific. The worst things ever. Plus, it’s unsanitary and a one-way ticket to getting sick. Then from–”

“Sick to being dead.” Ellie finished. She’d heard her sister’s preaching about consistently changing clothes, bathing, and keeping good hygiene. Piper was smart, but sometimes Ellie didn’t think her sister truly understood the world they lived in. Wet socks, dirty clothes, and poor hygiene were probably the least of their problems. 

Once the two girls had changed into the dry clothes and Riley had stuffed the extra socks and underwear Piper had gotten her, an air of awkwardness fell over them. Piper was quick to pick up on it. 

“I’m gonna continue looking through the stores. I’m sure there’s something else I can find,” Piper said. Her body quickly moved away from Ellie and Riley. 

Ellie hopped down from the table. “Wait,” she hissed at Piper. Piper turned around to face Ellie. Ellie nervously looked back at Riley just to make sure they were a safe distance away from her. Ellie didn’t want her to overhear anything. 

“So…” Ellie began. The words failed to leave her mouth. 

“So…?” Piper repeated. 

“You know?” Ellie looked nervously up at her sister. Piper smiled and readjusted her hold on her backpack. “I was gonna tell–”

“I know. I’ve known for a while. Plus, you’re not the only one who likes girls.”

Ellie’s eyes bulged out of her head. “What?!”

“Okay, not just girls, but yeah,” Piper said sheepishly. 

“Who?” Ellie asked. 

“Cassie Langsome,” Piper replied. 

“Cassie? You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“What?” Piper asked. 

“You liked our weapons instructor? She’s like…forty years old.”

“Hey, I’m not saying I’m perfect. And come on, have you seen her? Jesus.” She shook her head. “Anyways, this is about you. Not me. Go and be with the girl of your dreams while you still can.” Piper pushed Ellie back to Riley. 

“But…how? Like what do I do?” Ellie harshly whispered. 

“I don’t know. You’ve got this. You were doing just fine on your own.” Piper reassured Ellie.  

“Thanks,” Ellie said. The sarcasm oozed from her voice. 

Piper sighed. “C’mere.” Ellie stepped forward and Piper raked a hand through her sister’s hair. Then she straightened the shirt, tucked it into Ellie’s jeans and took a step back to admire her handy work. 

Ellie stood holding her hand. “How do I–”

“You look great,” Piper answered. Her sister did look beautiful. Ellie’s hair was tied in a ponytail with a few strands to shape her face. The light shown down on Piper’s sister catching the numerous shades of Ellie’s hair: pine brown, gold like the sun when it hit the windows of the decaying buildings in the QZ just right, and red like the flowers Piper had only seen in picture books. The shirt Piper had given Ellie moments before was slightly too big, but with it now tucked in, it looked nice. 

Ellie smiled before dashing over to where Riley stood. Piper smiled watching her little sister climb back up onto the table next to Riley. Without another word, Piper excuses herself. Her worries about Ellie's safety are tucked away behind the happiness of the moment. Ellie and Riley deserved this.

“Sorry,” Ellie said. 

“For what?” Riley asked. Her eyes shamelessly eyed Ellie up and down. Whatever Piper had done was working its magic. 

There was, yet again, another awkward silence. However, this one no longer spawned from the presence of another person. This was a hesitant silence. Riley and Ellie crossed the line of friendship that they knew so well. These were uncharted waters. Dangers lurked nearby, by the two of them that they’d face them together. 

Ellie was the first to break the silence. “What do we do now?” She internally cringed. That’s the best you can come up with Ellie?

“We’ll figure it out. But I don’t think Marlene’s gonna go for it–” 

Riley was silenced by a roar in the distance. It was an eerie roar that chilled the very blood pumping in their bodies. The deep growl rumbled through the ground shattering the bliss the girls relished in. 

There they were. The Infected. They came charging into the store. The same path Piper had taken out moments before. The two girls froze. Not a breath left their lungs. Not a muscle moved. 

“Run!” Piper’s voice screamed. Ellie didn’t need another warning. She jumped from the table and ran in the direction away from the runners, but Riley wasn’t beside her. 

“Riley!” Ellie cried. 

One of the runner’s heads whipped around to the sound. Its bloodshot eyes narrowed on Riley’s figure. Her arm extended and pistol in hand. Riley took in a shaking breath. A finger hovered over the trigger. The runner ran and Riley shot. 

꧁_____________꧂

It didn’t take long for Piper to find another store. Unlike all the clothing stores from before, Piper found herself in a weapon store. The glass display cases had been smashed and stolen. The only things that remained were empty boxes of ammunition. Piper sighed. If anything, finding something from this store would be the real jackpot. She waved her flashlight around. Piper spotted a shimmer in the corner and took a few cautious steps forward. 

A triumphant cheer left her mouth. She really did seem to have the best of luck. In her hands, she held a pistol left behind. She opened the cylinder and found three bullets left. Not the best but it was better than nothing. Plus, she had access to ammo from her work with FEDRA. She checked her own gun. Two bullets. She had five shots left. Five shots to make count if needed. Hopefully not any time soon, Piper prayed. 

The minute the prayer circulated her mind. It was ripped from her as a guttural growl echoed throughout the mall. The sound of pounding footsteps fell closer and closer to where she was. Quickly, Piper turned off her flashlight. If these were what she thought they were, they relied on sight. If she couldn’t see. Neither could they. The thundering steps faded away and for a moment a wave of relief fell over Piper. She was safe. 

The infected had passed her by. Then Piper’s blood ran cold. Her heart stopped beating. Ellie. Riley. Fuck. 

She shoved the extra gun into her holster and dashed out of the store. Her figure ran after the infected. Stupid she knew, but so was leaving her sister and Riley alone. “Hey!” She called out to the infected. They were only ten feet away from her. Four infected with their backs facing her. They should’ve tur–” HEY!!” She screamed. 

Still the infected ran. The music. They had heard. 

“RUN!!” She screamed hoping that her voice could warn them in time. She didn’t know what she’d do if they were killed. What if they were bit? What about Ellie?

Piper shook away the tears threatening to blur her sight. Now was not the time. 

Piper raised her pistol and shot. An infected fell to the floor. Two of the remaining three, whipped around to face her. Piper stood her ground. One bullet left. The infected charged her. Its arms reached out and hit the floor. It reminded Piper of a rabid dog. Only one thing on its mind. It leapt forward. Bang!

The runner dropped to the floor. The other infected soon by its side. Its’ dark eyes scanned the area roaring in frustration. Piper cursed silently as she fumbled for the extra gun. Three bullets. Three shots. She reminded herself. Piper raised the gun once again. The runner tilted its head at her. A growl rumbled low, shaking Piper to her core. Bang!

One. Two. Three. Piper counted. There were four. She heard another shot of a gun. Piper’s eyes found Ellie and Riley. Riley hastily shot the gun over and over in the direction of the fourth and last runner. Each shot missed the monster.

The runner charged Riley. It leapt over tables and scattered chairs. Its’ speed never slowed. 

“RUN!!! RUN!!” Piper screamed. Her body was fueled by adrenaline like the oxygen she breathed. 

Ellie and Riley didn’t need another warning as she ran from the infected. Their speed was much slower and more frantic than that of the calculated hunter. 

Piper screamed, she shouted. Anything to grab the runner’s attention. But it ignored her. “COME GET ME!!” Piper bellowed. She raised an unsteady hand shot. It grazed the infected’s leg knocking it off its track. Piper scrambled to get closer. Being closer meant a better shot. Piper cried out in frustration as her steps became uncertain. Her feet tripped over chair legs and her body ran into tables. 

Riley screamed. 

NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO.

Piper could see the struggle. The runner cornered Riley against a wall. It was snarling and its spit flew in her face. Ellie was on the floor. She stood up with her knife in hand. She grunted as she brought her hand down on the infected. It spun around and jumped on Ellie. 

NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO.

One bullet left. One shot. It was too far away. Not enough time. 

FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.

Piper raised the gun. Her hands were shaking. She’d only been afraid once before. Fear. Something Piper shoved down and locked away. It broke free and corrupted her entire being: her mind, her body, the very blood that ran through her veins.

BANG!

The infected fell limp. Its’ weight crashed onto Ellie. 

Piper dropped the gun and ran over to Ellie and Riley. She pulled the infected off of Ellie. Riley was sobbing against the wall. Ellie stood up shaken. Her eyes were wide as she looked around. 

“I think it’s clear,” Ellie stated. She brushed the stray strands of hair back to calm her nerves. 

Ellie looked down at her sister and the alarm bells went off. She had never seen Piper scared. The infected were gone. Piper had saved them. The girl who never missed. So why was Piper looking at Ellie like she was broken? 

“Ellie,” Riley muttered. “Ellie, your arm.” 

Part of Ellie knew. Of course, everything had to come crashing down. She moves her gaze down to her arm. It was bloody. It wasn’t supposed to be bleeding. It didn’t even hurt. Why…?

Ellie brushed the blood away. Her mind was fighting the inevitable. There was a bite mark. Deep and bloody. 

“No. no, no, no, no, no!” Ellie screamed. 

Riley raised her hand up to Ellie. The runner had bitten her too. 

Ellie ran over to Riley taking her hand in hers. “No, this isn’t supposed to happen. NO!” 

Piper sat on the ground. The infected lay dead at her feet. She felt sick. She wanted to puke. To scream. To cry. To take the butt of her pistol and bang the infected over and over until its’ skull collapsed. But all she could do was sit. Her mind was trapped in a never-ending loop. Protect Ellie. Protect Ellie. Protect Ellie. She had failed. Piper had failed. 

“What are we going to do?” Ellie asked Piper but Piper couldn't hear her. Piper couldn’t do anything. “Pipes?”

“The way I see it,” Riley answered. “We got two options.” She took out her handgun. 

The gleam of the handle in the light snapped Piper out of her trance. “No. There’s no fucking way.” 

Riley ignored Piper’s opinion. “Option one. We take the easy way out. It's quick and painless,” Riley told Ellie. “I'm not a fan of option one.” 

“What’s option two?” Ellie croaked. 

“We fight.”

“Fight for what? We’re gonna turn into one of those things,” Ellie sobbed.

Riley scooted closer to Ellie. Her hand lifted up to cup Ellie’s cheek. Piper could only watch on. “There's a million ways we should’ve died before today. And a million ways we can die before tomorrow. But we fight... for every second we get to spend with each other. Whether it’s two minutes. Or two days. We don't give that up.”

She paused for a moment to look at Ellie. “I don’t want to give that up. My vote; let’s just wait it out. You know, we can…be all poetic and just lose our minds together.” 

Slowly, Ellie shook her head up and down. 

“And then…Riley continued. Before we turn into one of them Piper can finish it off.” Riley raised the pistol to Piper. 

Piper frantically shook her head. A sob escaped Piper’s mouth. “No,” her voice was broken. “I can’t–” Suddenly Piper’s body trembled. Tears fell freely down her sweat, blood, and dirt-stained face. “You can’t–”

“Piper,” Ellie whispered. “I’m sorry.” Ellie wasn’t sure what she was sorry for. Maybe the fourteen years of attitude she had given her sister, or maybe it was allowing herself to get bitten. She was sorry for those sleepless nights she gave Piper. She was sorry for all the annoying jokes that made her sister groan. She was sorry for being her sister. Sorry that you got stuck with me. 

Piper continued to shake her head. “No–don’t. You can’t–,” her tongue and mind failed her. Just like she failed Ellie. 

Ellie nudged her way out of Riley’s arms. “Pipes,” Ellie reached out to her sister. She took Piper’s hand and placed the gun into it securing her sister’s fingers around the handle. “Promise me–” Ellie’s voice cracked. 

“No! Fuck, no” Piper begged as she tried to shove the gun back into Ellie’s hands. 

“Promise me you won’t let me, and Riley become one of them. That’s we’ll die just me and her.” 

“No! Ellie, I–” Piper squinted over Ellie’s bite mark. “You’re bit–infect…” She couldn’t bring herself to say it. As if she never muttered the words, the reality of their situation would never come true. “Ellie,” Piper stuck out her arm. Her sleeves rolled back. “Bite me.” 

“What? Piper–”

“Ellie, please!” Piper pleaded. 

What was her sister thinking? Ellie shook her head and fearful tears fell down her cheeks. Piper crawled over to Ellie and shoved her arm in Ellie’s face.  “Piper, what are y–”

Piper cried in frustration. “Riley?” Piper raised her arm in Riley’s direction. The girl was trembling at the sight. She hurriedly shook her head. 

“Fuck! Just–Ellie please,” Piper begged. Her arm struggled to stay up. 

“No! Piper, I won’t–”

“Fine! Fucking fine!” Piper screamed. She moved away from Ellie and towards the lifeless infected. She turned the body over and pried open its mouth. The fungus would survive after death, right? Piper stuck her forearm in the infected’s slack mouth and closed its jaw around her arm. 

“Piper!” Ellie screamed. She pulled her sister away from the infected and grabbed her arm. There was no bite mark. “What the hell are you thinking?!” 

Piper cried and yanked her arm away from Ellie. “Don’t leave me,” Her quiet voice spoke amplitudes. Those simple words broke Ellie. Her sister was scared. She was fucking scared of being alone. Just like Ellie. Had her sister been scared this whole fucking time? 

“Piper, I’m not going to–,” Ellie sobbed. 

Piper, in her anger, fury, and fear, bit down hard. She couldn’t feel the pain. She couldn’t taste the iron and copper of her blood seeping into her mouth covering her tongue. She couldn’t hear Ellie and Riley’s screams and cries at the sight. Piper pulled back. Her eyes surveyed the bite mark. She was bit. But even that wasn’t enough. Piper wasn’t infected. She would never be. 

The realization awakened something deep within Piper. Ellie was infected. Riley was infected and she wasn’t. Why didn’t the infected attack her? Why had she missed the shot? Why? Why? Why? Piper now resorted to her whole body shaking no. It was hard to see now with her puffy eyes and the never-ending tears that clouded her sight.  

Then, Ellie began to cry. “Please, Pipes. Please. You’re scaring me.”

Piper choked on a sob. She didn’t feel the way her hand clutched the gun tighter. She didn’t feel her legs tuck in close. She didn’t feel Riley and Ellie wrap their arms around her holding her close. Piper didn’t feel her arms pull them closer. She’d hold onto them until she couldn’t hold on any longer. 

As Piper held onto Ellie and Riley, her mind settled. The second her sister turned. The second she had to pull the trigger on the two girls was the second she’d raise the gun to her head. She’d find comfort in the smooth surface of the trigger. The barrel leaned against her head. Piper had made a promise fourteen years ago. Me and you till the end, Ellie. That’s what it’d be. Piper and Ellie until the end. 

꧁_____________꧂

Ellie jolted awake. Her neck strained from falling asleep on Piper’s shoulder. Was it already time for another check-up? 

“One. Two. Three. Four…” Ellie mindlessly said. 

In walked Marlene. Her posture was tall and confident as she approached Ellie and Piper. Ellie nudged her sister awake. Piper took in a sharp breath as Marlene crouched next to the girls. The woman handed them their backpacks. The second the familiar possessions were in their hands, Ellie dug through the pockets pulling out her switchblade and Piper her empty gun. They didn’t need to know it was empty. 

Ellie and Piper pointed their respective weapons at Marlene. Their backs pushed into the wall as far they could go. Marlene looked the girls up and down and laughed. 

“You’re not scared,” Ellie noted. Her defensive stance fell slightly. 

Marlene shook her head. 

“Then unlock us,” Piper commanded. Her hands were still raised, unwavering. 

Marlene scoffed. “How ‘bout we start with thank you?”

Piper rolled her eyes. “For what?”

Marlene cocked her brow up. “For saving your life? For telling them not to shoot you or your sister? That was me, just in case you didn’t know.”

Ellie and Piper shared a glance before completely lowering their weapons. 

“Why did you stop them?” Ellie asked. 

Marlene sighed. “We’ll get to that.” 

She leaned forward causing Ellie and Piper to jump back. Piper on instinct raised her empty gun. Marlene cautiously raised the key. Ellie looked from the key to Piper. Piper nodded her head and Ellie extended her chain hand out. Marlene unlocked the chains, doing the same for Piper afterwards. 

“So, Sir Theobald Buster Himen…” Marlene said. Ellie giggled earning a look from Marlene. “How ya feeling?”

“The same.” 

Marlene looked to Piper who just nodded in response. 

“Is it gonna happen?” Ellie asked quietly. Her voice was unsure and her eyes carefully watching her sister. 

Marlene shook her head. “No.”

“Can we go?” Piper questioned. 

“No,” Marlene replied. 

“We won't tell anyone about any of this, I swear,” Ellie promised. She couldn’t stand being locked in the room any longer. All she wanted now was to be back in that tiny room with the bunk beds and cotton sheets. Ellie wanted to sleep above her sister in a bed that squeaked too much. She wanted Piper to never grow old–to never turn eighteen. 

“Where are you gonna go?” Marlene asked. “Back to FEDRA Military School? Are you that anxious to be a soldier? What about you Piper? Do you really wanna be their dog?”

Piper lurched forward her face inches away from Marlene’s. The woman didn’t so much as flinch at the action. “You think we chose that place? That I wanted to be their dog? They put us there when Ellie and I were barely old enough to walk. It’s for orphans,” Piper spat. The spit landed on Marlene’s face. 

Marlene wiped the spit away. “They didn’t put you there. I did.” Her voice was calm. 

Ellie chuckled. “...Are you my fucking mom, or something?”

“Do I look like your mom?”

Ellie turned to Piper who answered. “No.” Ellie knew Piper had a better clue as to who their mother was. Even though she was three years old when their mom died. It was better than having no memory of her at all, even if it was a vague picture.

“My name is Marlene. Though you probably already know that. I’m the leader of the Fireflies in the Boston QZ.” 

Ellie scrunched her nose up. “Why would terrorists dump me and Piper with FEDRA?”

“Because it’s where you’d be safest, and you were safe until you decided to sneak out and…” Marlene’s brows furrowed. “Terrorist? Was Riley a terrorist?”

Piper flinched at the name. A hand sneaked up to hold Ellie’s. 

“Why won’t you let us go home?” Ellie whispered. Tears threatened to fall from her big brown eyes. 

Marlene’s stern composure dropped at the sight of Ellie. She was only just a kid and so was Piper. “Because you two have a greater purpose than any of us could ever imagine.” 

Ellie looked up at Marlene with wide eyes. Her? Important?

“So, we’re leaving tonight, and we’re taking you two with us.” 

Piper opened her mouth to refute Marlene’s words, but she was interrupted by a harsh knock on the door. 

The woman who had inspected them earlier stepped into the room. “He’s here.” She told Marlene. 

Marlene nodded. “Five minutes.” Then the door shut. Marlene leaned in close to the two girls. Her eyes conveyed a seriousness that made even Piper cower away from her desire to fight back. 

“What I’m about to tell you two cannot be repeated to anyone. Because if you do,” Marlene’s next words were slow and clear. “I assure you; you will die.”

Well, fuck, thought Piper. 

꧁_____________꧂

Ellie wasn’t prepared to hear the sounds of gunfire so soon, and neither was Piper. The second the first gun went off, Piper jumped in front of Ellie. Her empty pistol raised, and an arm held her sister behind her. The gunshots only got more frequent. With each bang, time slowed. 

Piper’s mind was wired. She noted the distance of the shots and the time between them. As each second passed, the shots died down. A muffled groan came from behind the door. 

Piper took in a quiet breath and whispered to Ellie to stay behind. Ellie opened her mouth to refuse her sister’s orders, but Piper threatened to chain her sister up. Ellie reluctantly agreed to stay back. Her small hands held the switchblade close as Piper crept towards the door. She turned the tarnished knob and stepped out into the hallway. Her gun was raised as she looked around each corner. 

Marlene was bent over on the ground and some Firefly lady was helping her up. Marlene winced. So that’s where the groan came from. Piper stepped over the fallen body of one of the guards and approached Marlene. 

There was the creaking of wood behind her. Just as Piper whipped around, Ellie grunted her hands raised as she charged a man with a rifle. He swatted her to the side as if she was a fly. 

“Fuck!” Ellie cursed as she hit the wall. 

“Ellie!” Piper shouted. Her gun was raised at the man, who, in return, raised his gun at the teen. He didn’t care if he was pointing a weapon at a child. The girl to his side reached down at his feet. He quickly stepped on the small knife, successfully stopping her from reaching it. His eyes glared at her warningly as if asking her to try and see what’ll happen if she takes it. 

“Joel?” Marlene croaked.

Piper’s nose scrunched up. Did Marlene know this man?

“Marlene?” The man said. 

Piper narrowed her eyes. She looked at Ellie. “You okay?”

Ellie tore her eyes from the gun and pointed at her sister. “Yeah.”

“Jesus, Ellie, you can’t be stupid like that,” reprimanded Piper. 

Joel scowled. Didn’t these kids realize they had guns trained on them?

A woman’s voice spoke up from behind the man. “So, this is who Robert screwed us over with?” She scoffed. “The Che Guevara of Boston? I mean the war must be going shitty for you to buy merch from scumbags like him.” 

Marlene sighed and clutched her side. “Yeah, well it has been. The merch was bad, and he obviously didn’t take “fuck off” for an answer. 

“Give me my knife,” Ellie commanded. 

Joel ignored Ellie. “What do you need a car battery for?” He asked Marlene. Ellie stuck her hand out. “Don’t,” Joel warned. His gun was now on Ellie. 

Piper stepped forward. The grip on her gun tightened. Marlene looked from Piper and then to Joel and Ellie. If she didn’t step on soon something bad was going to happen. 

“Not at her. Point it at me.” Marlene said calmly. “Piper.”

 Piper grunted. 

“Piper,” Marlene said again. “Lower your gun.”

Piper grumbled and lowered the weapon to her side. 

Joel eyed the teen up and down. The scowl grew on his face. 

“To answer your question,” Marlene said to Joel. “I need it for a better reason than you do. No offence, but Tommy is just one man.”

“How–” Joel questioned. 

“It’s our business to know things,” Marlene explained.

“To know things,” Joel mocked. “You’re the cause of it. You turned my own brother against me.”

Piper winced. Sheesh did these two have it out for each other. 

Joel shot her a look and Piper raised her hands up innocently. 

“Okay, Joel.” Marlene agreed, trying to get the man to not shoot the girls. 

“That was a lot of gunfire,” One of the Fireflies noted. “FEDRA’s gonna be on the way.”

Piper’s jaw clenched. She was right and Piper would give anything to not be caught. In FEDRA’s eyes, she deserted them. Something that they did not take lightly. 

“We were gonna move Ellie and Piper outta the zone tonight, but we won’t make it anywhere like this. Not for a while anyway…” Marlene explained. 

Piper turned to look at her with confusion. Why was she telling these dipshits what the plan was? Her question was soon answered. 

“So now I’m thinking you’re gonna do it,” Marlene stated. 

Piper and Ellie immediately argued against the idea.

 “I’m not going with them.”

“There’s no fucking way,” Piper and Ellie said at the same time. 

It seemed as if Joel didn’t agree either. “The hell–”

“Let me take her,” The Firefly said. 

“Tess…we don’t have time for this,” Joel said. 

It was beginning to be hard for Piper to hear anything anyone was saying. 

Marlene cleared her throat and spoke loudly, silencing the group. “You don’t have time?”

The woman behind Joel stepped forward. Piper eyed the gigantic purple bruise on the woman’s eye. 

“Who are they to you?” She interrogated Marlene. 

“To you?” Marlene replied. “They’re cargo.”

“We don���t smuggle people,” Joel stated. 

Marlene sighed. “There’s a team of fireflies waiting for them at the old state house. I know what’s out there. We were going with an entire squadron for that very reason. But now, I don’t have a truck. I don’t have a squadron. FEDRA’s five minutes away. What I do have, is you. And I know what you guys are capable of. For better or worse. 

Piper gulped. This wasn’t good at all. 

“What are they capable of?” Ellie asked. Piper shook her head, begging her not to go there. Ellie lowered her eyes to the floor avoiding her sister’s gaze. 

“You…You get her there safely; they get you what you need. Not just a battery. The whole thing. Fueled-up trucks, guns, supplies, all of it. I swear.” Marlene promised. 

There was a pause as the wheels in Joel’s brain turned. He looked at the woman before kicking Ellie’s knife away. He pulled the woman to the side, out of earshot from the group. 

“Asshole,” Ellie cursed. 

The second, Joel’s back turned. Piper rushed over to Ellie helping her to her feet. She pulled her sister as far away from the man as she could. Her body served as a shield. Joel flinched at the motion but soon went back to discussing the deal with his partner. 

The woman broke away from Joel. “Okay. Here’s the deal,” she pointed to Ellie and Piper. “We’ll get them to your crew at the statehouse. But before we hand her over, they give us everything that we want. If not, we kill them there and then.” 

Marlene nodded. “Deal.” 

Ellie gasped. “Really? That fast?”

“Ellie…” Piper warned. 

“You two are all that matters. My team will not jeopardize that. Remember what I told you? Now go get your backpack. Now, Ellie. Piper.” 

Piper didn’t need to be told what to do. She shuffled Ellie back into the room where the two of them retrieved their things. In less than a minute, the two sisters were back in the hall. The woman, who introduced herself as Tess, looked them up and down. 

“Let’s go,” She instructed. 

Piper stepped forward to follow the woman. Ellie peered over her shoulder at Marlene. Her eyes begged her to find another option. Marlene just shook her head and motioned for Ellie to follow. 

“Joel…” Marlene called out. “Don’t fuck this up.” She paused. “Please.”

꧁_____________꧂

To say it was raining was nothing. The sky was mourning. Rain poured down on top of the four of them. The streets quickly filled up with puddles, splashing the group as they walked by. Piper wished that she’d put on her coat before stepping outside. The group received many looks from onlookers. It wasn’t normal to see a family-like group in this world. 

When humanity collapsed, one of the first things to go was family. Families meant a group of people. A large crowd attracted certain attention: raiders, FEDRA, infected, the whole lot. Not to mention supplies were harder to come by in the masses, so feeding a group of four was out of the question. 

Piper felt the urge to scream at the passersby. “They aren’t my parents.” She didn’t like the feeling of having to trust someone other than herself. Let alone two adults she’d met minutes ago. Two adults who wouldn’t have hesitated on shooting her and Ellie. 

Tess led the group down the streets of the Boston QZ. Her jacket hood lifted up and covered her face. Joel stood in the back. His watchful eye was on Ellie and her sister. Very early on his mind deemed Piper a threat. Despite her being a kid, Joel knew she was not to be messed with. 

Up ahead was a FEDRA agent. They wore the traditional gear: a bulletproof vest, decked out in all black, helmet, and fully loaded rifle in hand. Joel lowered his head as he passed, but not before noticing Piper duck her head down low as she pulled up her sweatshirt hood to cover the side of her face. Elie doing the same. 

Just how important were these kids? Joel thought.

Soon Tess led the group into one of the housing buildings in the QZ. Up the stairs, they climbed. More eyes followed their every move. Piper didn’t like it. She didn’t like being watched. Tess shuffled through her pocket before pulling out a key and inserting it into a lock. A door swung open, and Tess ushered Piper and Ellie inside. 

“Give us a minute alright?” Tess asked. Her tone told Piper she wasn’t asking before slamming the door shut. 

“What the fuc–” Ellie shouted. “Piper?” 

“Leave it, Ellie,” Piper said. She found an empty chair and shrugged off her bag. 

They were in an apartment. Modest and well-kept. At least it was warm and dry. Piper shivered and zipped open her bag to find some dry clothes. “Ellie, change into som–” 

“Way ahead of you sis,” Ellie mentioned as she flung off her shirt replacing it with a new one.

Once they were changed, the two meandered around the room. Piper found a book on one of the shelves and slumped down into a seat. She cracked the book open and began to read. 

Ellie’s eyes scanned the room. She turned toward the door. A minute was sure as hell looking more like an eternity. She shuffled through the objects on the table in the room. One of which was a big book of songs. She picked it up and flipped through the pages, landing on one with a hidden slip of paper. She furrowed her brows as she read the page. 

Suddenly the door opened, and Joel stomped into the room. The door slammed shut behind him. He marched over to the couch and sat down with a sigh. He stretched out his limbs, and a few pops followed. 

Jesus, how old was this man. Piper guessed him to be in his late 50s from the peppery shade of his hair. Piper chuckled. He was a grumpy old man. 

Joel’s face flashed in confusion at Piper’s giggle. 

“Who’s Bill and Frank?” Ellie blurted. Joel’s body tensed. “That radio is a smuggling code, right? ‘60s songs, they don’t have anything new, ‘70s they got new stuff, what’s ‘80s?”

“Ellie.” Piper harshly whispered.

Joel stood up from his seat and stole the book from Ellie’s hands. His eyes bore into Ellie’s. Suddenly the book slammed onto the table making Ellie flinch. She quickly raised her hands up defensively and tiptoed over to Piper. As if she made the wrong step, Joel would wring her neck in between his large hands. 

Joel’s eyes followed her. When she reached her sister, Joel grumbled and returned to his seat on the couch. He laid back resting his arms over his eyes. 

“What are you doing?” Ellie asked. 

“Ellie,” Piper said again. 

Ellie shrugged her sister off. 

“Killing time,” Joel replied. 

“Well, what am I supposed to do?!” 

“I’m sure you’ll figure that out,” Joel replied. 

Piper tugged on Ellie’s sleeve motioning for her to sit down. Ellie sighed and sat down next to her sister. 

“Your watch is broken,” Ellie noted. 

Joel didn’t answer her. He cracked his eye open to peek at the watch before closing his eyes once again. Soon, the sound of Joel’s sleep-ridden breaths filled the air. 

Ellie leaned against Piper’s shoulders and read the book along with her. Her sister quietly whispered the words aloud. The pages were worn thin from years of use. Piper’s hand delicately slid down the pages, her eyes reading the words that her finger skimmed under. Ellie smiled softly at the sound of her sister’s voice. In the corner of her eyes, she caught sight of the book. 

“Don’t think about it,” Piper commented. Her eyes never left the page. 

“Wha–”

“Leave the book alone.”

Ellie grumbled. “Fine.” She returned her gaze over to the book. She’d break the code sooner or later. 

꧁_____________꧂

It was a few hours later when Joel stirred awake from his sleep. 

“You mumble in your sleep,” Ellie pointed out. 

Joel quickly rolled to his side. His shoulders tensed at the sound of her voice. It wasn’t long before he remembered why the two girls were there. 

Ellie looked outside the window. She could feel Piper’s eyes on her. “I’ve never been on the other side of the wall. Look how dark it is…You guys go out there a lot?”

Piper removed her gaze from Ellie and looked out the window. Night had fallen. The QZ had gone quiet for the night. A shiver made its way through Piper’s body as she thought of her night shifts for FEDRA. There was stillness in Boston at night. People safely indoors. The rain was pouring down from above. It was almost peaceful. However, Piper knew better. Night was when the monsters roamed the world. 

Joel shrugged. “I guess.”

“When was the last time?”

“Maybe a year. What’s it matter?” Joel wondered. 

“But you know where to go. So, we’re gonna be okay,” Ellie whispered. 

Piper reached out to rub her sister’s back in a comforting manner. They would be okay. Piper would make sure of it. She wasn’t going to let anything happen to Ellie.

Joel’s expression softened for a moment before building his walls back up. “Yeah. So, what’s the deal with you two anyway? Are you two some kind of bigwig’s daughter or something?”

Ellie was silent as she looked out the window. Piper lowered her hand and nodded. “Something like that,” she said. 

There was a long beat. The rain so graciously filled their silence. 

“The radio came on when you were sleeping,” Piper muttered. Ellie turned around to face her sister. A confused look on her face. 

“What? What was the song?” There was an urgency in Joel’s voice. 

“Something like…” Piper cleared her throat and sang the song. “Wake me up before you go-go?”

Joel pinched the bridge of his nose with a force that could have broken it. “Shit,” he cursed. 

Piper smiled. “Gotcha. ‘80s means trouble, Ellie.” She turned to Joel. “Code broken.”

Ellie smirked at her sister’s clever trap. Joel could only stare at the teen. There was a glint in her eye as she smiled triumphantly at Joel. It was a fire. A raging and vengeful fire. A glint that said I am not to be messed with. 

Joel’s jaw clenched and stepped forward. “Listen–” 

Tess barged into the room. The door was quick to lock again. “The spot under Lancaster looks good.” She turned to Piper and Ellie. “You two got a jacket in your pack?”

“Yeah,” Ellie replied. 

Tess nodded. “Okay, get it. It’s time to go.” Her tone had a hint of familiarity to it. Piper couldn’t help but think that Tess had been a mother before everything. From the way she looked at the girls to how she asked about the jackets, reminded Piper of how she watched over Ellie. 

The two girls quickly threw on their jackets. Tess and Joel gave each other a look before leading the girls out of the apartment. 

There was a tightness in Piper’s stomach. The uncomfortable feeling kept biting into her side. It was a feeling she couldn’t shake. Something was going to go down tonight. Something not so good. 

꧁_____________꧂

Even out of the tunnel, everything was pitch black. Above their heads, searchlights flashed. Ellie shuddered. She didn’t like the dark. With Piper always out of patrol, she was always alone when it was dark. Piper pulled her sister close once they emerged from the tunnel. Joel placed the cover back on top of the whole. 

“Holy shit! I’m actually outside,” Ellie muttered a bit too loud. 

“Jesus Christ,” Tess and Piper said at the same time. 

The sinister light flashed in their direction. Piper yanked Ellie down to the ground. The light narrowly missed the group. 

“Oh shit.” Ellies cursed. 

“Yeah, oh shit,” Piper hushed.

Tess grabbed onto Piper and Ellie’s shoulders and pulled them in close. “Okay, we’re gonna tail the left edge around the buffer zone. You stay close and you follow my lead. Got it?”

Piper and Ellie nodded. 

“Let’s go.” 

It was strange for Piper to go out at night without the protective gear that FEDRA provided for her. Yeah, she did have to admit that the working conditions were shitty and that she never really got a full night's rest in five years, but at least she had the comfort of a bulletproof vest and those hard helmets. Now she felt bare in her jacket, hoodie, and jeans. Even the gun she held in her hand was empty. Just a symbol of empty power–empty threats. 

“Okay, we’re gonna tail the left edge around the buffer zone. You stay close and you follow my lead.” Tess told the two girls. 

“Yeah. Yeah, of course.” Ellie agreed. 

Piper scoffed, earning a condescending look from Tess. Piper wanted to blurt out that she knew how to take care of herself out here but thought it wouldn’t be wise to tell the two adults whose patience was on a thin line that she works for FEDRA. A line that Ellie’s life was resting on. So, she bit her tongue. The twinge of pain helped Piper keep her head straight. 

“Let’s go,” Tess muttered. 

Through the rain, they trekked. Under cars, buses, and into makeshift tunnels they walked. The rain was beating down on their backs. Tess was still in the lead and Joel in the rear. Piper was stuck in the middle. She felt like a sitting duck. Tess and Joel would be the first in the group alerted. Leaving Piper and Ellie with scraps of time to defend themselves. Being in the middle of a group meant you had to trust in the leaders. You had to trust they’d notice everything. You had to trust they’d avoid risky scenarios. You had to place your life in their hands trusting that they wouldn’t let you fall as they walked in the dark with their eyes closed. Piper knew she should be in front. She knew the FEDRA routes like the back of her hand. When you’re twelve and forced into a world of violence, you have to learn fast or get left behind. Being left behind was not a choice, so Piper learned. She knew the blind spots the officers had from the helmets they wore. She knew that the rifles more often than not got jammed when firing. She knew that being in the rain was as lucky as they could have gotten. The rain muffled the noise which made it hard to hear. This meant it’d also be hard for her to hear. She knew where the soldiers would look. She knew how far the flashlight illuminated. She knew there was a space between the shoulders where the padding was thin. 

She knew she should have heard the hum of the officer. She should have seen the dim flashlight bouncing off the wall. She knew she should have seen the glint of the scope on the rifle. She knew she should have grabbed Ellie and ran. 

“What the fuck? Hey! Hey, hey, hey, don't move! Don't move!” an officer shouted at them. Joel and Tess immediately raised their hands. Piper stepped in front of Ellie. 

The officer stepped forward. His gun raised and a flashlight blinded the group. Piper’s eyes shut from the brilliant light. “You gotta be shittin' me,” the officer gasped. 

Piper froze. She knew that voice. She immediately forced her head down doing the same with Ellie’s head. Her eyes shut tight hoping he hadn’t seen her. 

“Okay, let's talk this out,” Joel said in an attempt to negotiate. 

The officer wasn’t having it. “Turn around,” he told Joel. 

“Hold on—” 

“Get on your fuckin' knees. Get on your fuckin' knees!” The officer shouted. 

“Hold on…” Joel tried again. 

“Get on your knees!” The officer was no longer asking. He was so close; Piper could see his nostrils flare and eyes turn red. 

“Just get on your knees. Just get on your knees!” Tess begged. She motioned for Piper and Ellie to copy her. The three of them fell to the ground. Mud and gravel tainted their jeans. 

“Listen. You let us do this run… We'll split the cards with you.” Tess proposed. 

“Oh, will you?”

“Yeah!” Tess nodded. 

The officer feigned happiness. “I'm so blessed. Hands-on your head, eyes forward. Hands-on your head!”

Piper quickly raised her hands up and interlocked them behind her head. Ellie did the same. 

The officer turned to Tess, his gaze on the small device in his hand. Piper whispered to Ellie. “Ellie.” Her eyes never left the officer. “Hand me your switchblade.” 

Ellie was too trapped in her fear to hear her. 

“Ellie, come on.” Piper hissed. 

“Really, man?” Tess grumbled as she saw the device. 

“Yep. We're doing this by the book.”

“Jesus Christ,” Tess muttered. 

Ellie was too focused on the sound of her heart pounding in her head to notice Piper slip her hand into her pocket to grab the switchblade. The device beeps and came back green. Tess was clean. 

The officer turned around to Joel. Piper resumed her position: knees digging into the ground and hand behind her head. 

“Unauthorized exit. They'll hang you for that,” The officer stated. 

“Fine, everything off of this run! And half off on all the pills!” Joel shouted over the thundering rain. 

“Half off?” The officer scoffed. “All off.”

Again, the device beeped. It was green. Joel was clean. 

“Risk my job for half off…” He stepped to Ellie and lifted the device up. He turned his head to the side and looked right at Piper. A large smile appeared on his face. “You're out of your fuckin' mind. I’ve hit the fucking mother lode.”

Joel and Tess share a concerned look as the officer dropped the device down just to lift Piper’s chin up. Then he flashed the light in her eyes. She tried to pull away, but the officer only gripped harder. 

“Piper fucking Williams. Deserter. FEDRA’s golden girl. I wonder what they’d give me for turning you in.” 

Tess and Joel’s eyes widened. Who the fuck was this kid? 

Ellie screamed and lunged at the man long enough for Piper to reveal the blade and stab it in between the man’s shoulder blades. The weak spot. 

“Ellie! Piper!” Tess screamed. The officer pulled away. Ellie fell to the ground. The blade was still lodged into the man’s back. 

“Fucking bitch! I’m gonna fucking kill and r–” He raised his gun only to find that Joel had stepped in the way. An arm was out protecting the two girls behind him. 

Piper’s breath caught in her throat at the sight in front of her. Joel’s back to her. His stance was tall and wide. He was protecting her. He was protecting Ellie–protecting them. Piper was suddenly glad that it was raining. No one would think the betraying streaks falling down her face were hers. 

“Get out of the fucking way!” The officer screamed. A vein bulged out of his forehead. He meant fucking murder. The things that he was going to do to the girls. 

Joel’s jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed at the man. “Woah. We can fix this,” he said. 

“Move! Move! MO-”

The officer was cut off as Joel lurched forward. His large hand found a place between the officer’s nose and brow bone. The officer fell back clutching his face. But it wasn’t enough. Joel’s fist pounded repeatedly into the officer’s face like the rain falling relentlessly from the sky. Thud. Thud. Thud. Joel hit until he couldn’t hit anymore. The officer’s face was a concave bowl filled with blood, sweat, and other bodily fluids. He took a step back. His breath was heavy, and his ears were pumped with blood. His hand hurt, but he didn’t care. 

“No! No! I’m not sick.” Ellie screamed. 

“Joel!!” Tess hollered. She raised the device up for Joel to see. It was red. Ellie was infected. 

“NO! Tess. She’s not–” Piper tried to explain. 

“I’m not sick! I’m not sick. LOOK! This is three weeks old. Nobody lasts more than a day! Does this look like a day old to you?” Ellie stuck out her arm. The wound fully healed. All that was left was a scar. 

“I should fucking kill you! When did it happen?” Tess bellowed. 

“I dare you to fucking try,” Piper spat. 

“It doesn’t matter! You have to trust me. They’re gonna catch us if we don’t run!” 

As if on command a shrieking siren slithered through the air. Its piercing noise shook all of them to their core. 

“I know these guys. They’re gonna come, and they won’t hesitate to kill. We’ve got to go!” Piper yelled. Her voice was powerful, making even the screaming siren silent. Even Joel was taken aback at the raw force that came from the girl’s voice. 

Tess nodded. She’d get her answers soon. “Joel, we gotta move. We gotta move, Joel!” 

She ushered the girls through a hole in a nearby fence. “Joel!” Tess called out. Joel looked back at the officer who he’d just beaten to death moments before. The rain dripped down from his brow. He took a hand to wipe away the water. Underneath his foot, he noticed the shimmer of a blade’s edge. He bent down to pick it up. The rain made a quick job of washing away the blood. His hand stung as he held the small weapon. His teeth ground against each other from the pain as he turned and ran after Tess and the girls, shoving the knife into his pocket. 

The fence jingled as he made his way through the hole. Joel’s back was turned on Boston. A city he was glad to leave behind. He’d get to his brother one way or another. He looked at his hand. It was broken at least that was for sure. 

Joel was starting to think he was in over his head. This was getting to be too much to handle. The girls. The FEDRA agent. Ellie was infected. He pinched the bridge of his nose as the faces of Piper and Ellie flashed in his mind. The fear on their faces. The threats left the officer’s mouth. Something that had been untouched for two decades seemed to awaken in him. It fueled his fist. The fist of justice. His fury. 

“This better be fucking worth it,” he told himself. Unaware that the sins of his life were coming back to haunt him. 

꧁_____________꧂

Next

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꧁_____________꧂

[amythenortherner]

I just want to articulate that even if they somehow made a vaccine for the cordyceps infection, literally cordyceps aren’t even the biggest problem anymore. The people are. The apocalypse has happened, it’s been going for over twenty years and realistically there is absolutely no way back from that. People know how to protect themselves and how to even eliminate infected in giant quantities that really isn’t the issue, it’s the people. Once you’ve lived in a world with absolutely no rules for twenty years, and you’ve got people that have been born and lived their whole lives during the apocalypse, there’s no returning to what once was. Once people have a taste of freedom and lawlessness, you can’t put the world back to the way that it was.

[yhrite]

Watching that entire first episode of The Last of Us while knowing exactly what happens because you’ve played the game

[dissonantdreamer]

FEDRA: beware! these creatures will mutate into a horrific new forms if left in dark dank places

also FEDRA: uuuuuuh yeah... just force the infected underground or something. we'll just pretend like they aren't here anymore. cool? cool.

[actual-changeling]

I know that Ellie eventually going to school is a pretty much universally accepted part of the world building, but I am itching to explore her trying to do so and simply being unable to do it.

The child abuse she went through at the hands of FEDRA was probably prolific and cruel, and her life was basically nothing but different kinds of "education" strung together, whether that's whatever they cobbled together for general education or the military training. Joel might know it was bad (cause it's fucking FEDRA), but the extend of her trauma is hard to gauge when you are not in a situation that triggers it.

Her academic trauma does not disappear outside of school, but unless Ellie is in a similar situation it simply won't be immediately obvious (speaking from experience). On top of that, David being a teacher does not help whatsoever.

-

Joel and Ellie agree on a first day of school, but they want to check out the building beforehand, just so they're both a bit more at peace. Ellie is somewhat excited but also scared, and the closer they get to the building, the quieter she becomes, just hanging onto Joel's hand and squeezing it until her knuckles turn white. He pulls her close, notices she is nervous, but he doesn't press and gets them inside. One of the handful of teachers, a woman about Joel's age (they're aware enough to not have it be a man, Silver Lake is a known topic), meets them at the door and shows them around.

Small classrooms with surprisingly comfortable looking wooden chairs (Ellie sees the pillows on them and her mind short-circuits), some old sofas and couches, armchairs, spacious desks and all kinds of posters and materials. There's an art room and it is the only time Ellie's grip on Joel loosens a tiny bit, the array of brushes, paints, and instruments fascinates her, but that moment passes as quickly as it came.

With every step they take, the teacher's voice blurs with Joel's and turns into white noise, her vision grows fuzzy and grey, and she has to keep blinking with fluttering lashes to not sway on her feet when the dissociation gets worse. Absently, her mind keeps cataloguing the floor plan, windows, doors, all exists she can make our and imagine, but by the end of the tour, she cannot remember anything past leaving their house this morning. Something tugs on her hand, and she blinks up at Joel, his gaze loaded with a question she didn't hear, and maybe ten weeks ago she would have pretended she had; she doesn't know.

Ellie doesn't even know why she is reacting like this, there are no specific memories popping up, nothing to fight back, just her mind and body slipping into a protective armor of static like they're pulling her into the fizzling TV in their living room.

"Ellie?"

The teacher's voice snaps her back to a pounding heart and a breath stuck in her lungs, and when she looks down at their clasped hands her nails have left marks in Joel's skin. She lets go at once, holding onto her wrists with her arms behind her back, and she still didn't hear the question. Every cell in her body is telling her to leave, pulling her toward the nearest exit, but she doesn't. There are memories flickering across her vision now, a decade of unjust, painful punishments and her body being pushed to its breaking point, and she decides the answer to that question is more important than whatever they had asked her.

"What do you do? For, like, punishment?"

Her voice is steadier than she is on her feet, so she rocks gently back and force to stop herself from swaying. Joel's gaze burns hot on her cheeks, but she keeps her eyes on the teacher, whose eyebrows are raised so high they disappear beneath her fringe.

"Punishment? We don't- there's not reason to punish forgotten homework or the like here, Ellie, it's supposed to be both fun and educational."

Something about the tone in her voice unsettles her, but the answer isn't satisfying, and she needs to know, needs to know the rules so she can follow them, because the art room looks like it might actually be fun to be in and she is so tired of dark lonely spaces and marks on her back; imagining the disappointed look on Joel's face when her teachers tell him about it is the worst of it all, though.

"What are the rules? When are the drills and what's the consequences for breaking the rules? Is there-" is there a hole, she wants to ask, but her breathing is fast and shallow, periphery dotted with dancing black spots, and she doesn't want to give them any ideas they didn't already have. Joel's hand lands on her back, right between her shoulder blades, and the warm weight his comforting without being oppressive, her breaths slowing just a smidge.

The woman with a name Ellie forgot is taller than Joel with the shoes she is wearing, and she she squats down, the look on her foreign face looks like a a finished puzzle, the final piece having snapped into place. Her features are rounded, soft, a stark contrast to the borderline malnourished and hardened look of pretty much every person around the QZ including her teachers, a few light-brown and grey strands escaping from her ponytail, and Ellie can't help but think that she looks - nice, non-threatening. School isn't supposed to be non-threatening, but this whole building is dripping with it, and it scares her to death; getting this ripped away from her as punishment will hurt even more than escaping packed, concrete classrooms.

"You grew up in a FEDRA school, right?" she asks, voice almost tender, and Ellie can only stare and nod while Joel rubs circles into her back.

"I heard stories about what it was like before I came here, horrible experiences no one should have to go through, especially not a child."

She sounds so much like Joel the comfort laced into her words manages to penetrate the static and soothe some of the panic, her eyes a bright hazel shade, not blue, and she keeps her distance even though she could easily get into Ellie's personal space

"Even before the outbreak, school wasn't like that, and it is definitely not like that here. There is no punishments, Ellie, no real rules or structure outside of general lesson plans, no consequences for not turning in work or being late. This is meant to provide some stability and education, give you a places to hang out with people your age, have some more people to connect with. If you don't want to be here, no one will force you."

Ellie doesn't cry. She doesn't. A deep breath and some determined blinking pull back the tears from her waterline and her chest aches with a vengeance when she thinks about how different it would have been here for her and Riley, how much better. Riley would still be alive. For a few minutes, they're all silent, allowing her to gather the scattered pieces of herself and glue them back together, and when she does, a tiny bit of the fear in her bones has made space for tentative excitement.

"I like the art room," she says quietly, feeling younger than she ever has, and a wave of something washes over all of them. "Do I- can I-"

"You can use it whenever you like, even outside of school hours, as long as you don't leave too much of a mess and use it responsibly."

Liliya, her brain finally provides, straightens her back again, and the lack of a last name during her introduction is probably part of what through her off. Ellie looks up at Joel, a muscle in his jaw ticking with suppressed anger, not at her, at FEDRA, she knows him well enough to realize that, and decides her question about The Hole is both best saved for another time and hopefully not relevant at all.

"Okay," Ellie responds, pressing herself back against Joel and melting when his arm protectively wraps around her shoulders, "I'll give it a try."

Over the relief rushing through her hairs, she barely hears the details the adults next to her discuss, happy to bury her face in Joel's shirt without shame, and she manages to shake off the last wisps of static clinging to her. Maybe this will work out for her, maybe it won't, maybe all she will use are the art supplies, but when they are lead back to the entrance, more than ready to go home, Liliya gives her a smile, eyes crinkling. For the first time in her life, Ellie smiles back at a teacher simply because she wants to, and the hopeful excitement sprouting in her chest is enough to tell her that she will be right on time for her first class on Monday.

[apolloskazoo]

thinking abt joel cutting onions in jackson and his eyes r a little hurt and watery bc yk. the curse that is cutting onions. and ellie walks in from school or smth and sees him and immediately thinks he’s crying and panics

“joel are you okay?? what’s going on????” she’s immediately trying to help him out and he’s immediately trying to explain that he’s not upset, it’s just the onions and she’s so confused bc what did the onions do to you joel??? wdym it’s “just the onions”? the onions are a literal vegetable how is it hurting you and how can I kill it to make it stop

eventually he explains enough that she’s not worried anymore — UNTIL she gets affected by it and her own eyes start watering and hurting to the point where she walks into the kitchen just to tell joel that if he ever brings an onion in her general vicinity ever again she’s going to live with tommy and maria

and that’s how ellie miller becomes #1 onion hater in jackson

[illusivesoulgaming]

Boston Quarantine Zone - The Last Of Us Part 1

[ameagrice]

Genesis

chapter two

summary: a grand plan your best friend devises turns on its head, leading the both of you to serious danger.

For as long as you could remember, all there was, was FEDRA.

And for as long as you could remember, there was Rudy Wilson. A funny boy with a mop of copper hair, always unkept and knotted, and despite his habit to get in trouble every other day at school, he was happy, and he was your best friend. You always had (and supposed you always would) do everything together, even if it got you into trouble.

Which, unfortunately for you, happened quite a lot.

“How many times do I have to tell you?l Fields sighed exhaustedly, tapping his hand on his desk at every word. “Do not follow in that boy’s footsteps. You’re digging your own grave.”

You blink up at the ceiling, and then out of the window, behind Lieutenant Fields and his mop of curly hair. He was fairly young, and fairly fond of you—something you weren’t sure you should be happy about. Extra attention never had been a priority.

His muffled words came into full focus when he snapped his fingers in front of your face. “Are you listening to me right now?”

You snapped, face fierce. “Yes. And I don’t need a lecture.”

“Who would you rather? Me, or the old hag down the hall?” He leaned forward, and you caught the green in his eyes.

You didn’t answer him directly. “Come on. I didn’t do anything wrong. Can I just go?”

He paused, remaining quiet for a second. Then, “Get into a fight like that again because your little friend can’t take care of himself, and you’re out. You’ve had five warnings.” He paused, and eyed you carefully. “You’ve got potential. Buckets of it. Don’t waste it.

Now, get out of my office.”

A single bell rang all over the building, indicating the most anticipated time of the day: lunch time, at exactly twelve-forty. You swung open the office door, pulling it shut behind you. And, as you stepped out into the hallway, so did the troublemaker you called your best friend.

Directly in front of you, with scarlet cheeks and a sharp smile, stood Rudy Wilson, at attention.

“You got Fields,” he smirked. “Lucky.”

“I’m starting to think you have a thing for her,” you nodded at the door of the second most terrifying Lieutenant of FEDRA school.

Rudy shrugged, setting off down the hallway. Already the sound of other students yelling from floors below was getting louder.

“I love her to pieces,” Rudy sang, humming. He wiggled his eyebrows at you. “Especially all those wrinkles.”

“You’re disgusting.”

Descending the next two floors, you landed on ground level, and promptly joined the lunch queue, forming against the walls of the gymnasium.

If you had known that day would be your last normal one with your best friend, you might have talked more. You might have cracked another joke at Rudy’s expense, or even thanked Lieutenant Fields for always letting you off lightly. But nobody ever really knows when the last day of something will arrive, and it’s only when the wheels are turning and time is ticking that you start to realise you ought to have done more.

Your alarm clock reads two-past midnight when Rudy’s shadow forms on the fire escape just beyond your dormitory window. You didn’t even miss the warmth of your bed, when it came to escapades with Rudy.

“I’ve got something to show you, later,” he explained through a mouth full of potato at lunch. You’d nodded, excited at the prospect of another secret outing.

You climbed out of bed, and reached under it for your best shoes: an old pair of green lace-ups, and your backpack. Without a blip, you descended the fire escape together.

“You gonna tell me where we’re going?” You asked, climbing slowly down the ladder.

He hummed dramatically. “Maybe.”

“Is it somewhere I’ve been before?” You glanced down, wondering. He simply shook his head.

“Surprisingly, no.”

That final night together, Rudy was dressed in faded jeans, almost grey in colour, a too-big black tee tucked into his too-small pants, and a black jacket. His copper hair had been pushed back from running his fingers through it so often, and his sharp face was alight with the glee of childish mischievousness.

Past piles of rubble, past mountains of ash you walked, remains of the fireflies’ failed attempts at overruling FEDRA. Some of the buildings were only partially blown up last night, some still crumbling from months ago, and you were forced to slow your sneaking lest you wanted the rubble to bring you down with it. The air smelled of fire and dirt, the stars way up there watching two teens enjoy the beginning of their last night together. Rudy led the way, crouching behind buildings and signs when lights in the lookout towers came too close for comfort.

Eventually, you arrived at your destination.

Sceptically, you eyed the large, domed building. It was bathed in darkness, the outline barely visible in the dimmed light of street lamps.

“The mall?” You raised a brow. Rudy’s spindly figure, walking ahead, turned in a swift spin, grinning. “But…you know what’s in there, right?”

“I know what isn’t in there, more like. Now hurry up; we’re on a tight schedule.”

You followed after him promptly. “You're tellin’ me. You do know I have to be up in three hours for drill, right? I know you have the luxury of not having to be a part of that these days, but some of us haven’t been recruited by the fireflies.”

He waved his hand at you, unbothered. “Pffft. I do far more exciting things than drills with the fireflies.”

“Like what? Shooting people?”

“Hey,” he elbowed you. “You’ll be shooting people too, soon.”

He wasn’t entirely wrong. “Yeah, but for good reason.”

Rudy groaned loudly. “Jesus, you do far too much kissing FEDRA’s ass.”

“Shut up and lead the way, you terrorist.”

Rudy made a start by climbing a well-established path up to the roof, using mismatched ladder parts and old boxes. His fluid movements told you, he’d been here before.

“For somewhere that’s full of infected, it’s sure lacking security,” you commented, looking up. Rudy, agile as a spider and already halfway up a bit of roof, jammed his foot against a hold and lowered his hands to help you up. His sharp smile appeared, canines slightly longer than the rest of his smile.

“Like I said before,” his deepening voice, not quite there yet, rang loudly in the dead of night. “It’s not full of infected. In fact, it never was. I’ve been working on your birthday surprise for months now, amongst other things. Lemme tell you; we’re very safe here.”

“Famous last words,” you jumped your brows. He imitated your words, sticking out his tongue.

Up the roof you went, growing ever more nervous. The night was cooler than the day—so warm today, in fact, that it thundered all afternoon. September’s cooler climate was fast approaching, thank goodness. Your hands slipped a little bit, making your way up. Thoughts ran amok. Sure, Rudy said it was safe, but how could he know for certain? The thrill of doing something new began to overtake the sense of anxiety, however, and you didn’t contemplate the infected for long.

You crouched beside Rudy, whose eyes narrowed into the dark below, searching. Water from this afternoon’s rain slipped through a gap in the roof, spattering and echoing across something down below in the dark.

“Right,” Rudy cleared his throat, grabbing your arm forcefully. “Down you go.”

Without warning, he pushed you over the edge, down the hole. You screamed, heart falling to your stomach, but you didn’t fall far. Instead of landing on concrete, you…bounced?

An old mattress cushioned your fall. Above, Rudy laughed.

Safe to say, you chewed his ear off when he landed, too.

Inside, everything had rotted. From the mattress you landed on, to the metal stairs Rudy told you to ascend; all slimy, all gross. Your ears honed in on the small sounds, listening for signs of infected;

Nothing.

“Okay,” Rudy shrugged his pack up his back. “It’s just up these stairs. But first I gotta…”

Halfway up the staircase, he reached up for a corroded metal box, nimble fingers twisting a small latch until the door swung. Inside sat a set of switches, none labelled. This didn’t matter to Rudy, who flicked them all down. You expected some sort of commotion—but nothing in the air changed.

“Oh, no way!” He had flicked a switch, and waved his hand. A sign above the door—albeit a bit rotted—came to life in vivid red. “But how?”

“Did you see those blocks of buildings earlier, on the roof?” You nodded. “Marlene told me FEDRA is starting to open them up. More people are coming into the QZ, so they need more housing. They obviously need lighting, so when they connected them up to the mains, they connected this place, too. Who knows if they meant to do it—I’m just glad they did. Makes for a great birthday present.”

You nodded along, in wonder and wondering. “But—if the lights are on, won’t somebody see? They’ll know we’re here.”

“How will they?” He scoffed. Rudy led the way up to a set of double doors. Old, yellowed stickers remained set across them: TEAM MEMBERS ONLY. “You saw this place from the outside. It’s one big, blacked out dome. People think it’s full of infected, civvies won’t come this far, and FEDRA don’t know a thing about it being connected to the mains. We’ll be alright.”

You trusted Rudy. Really, you did. In all of your shenanigans, Rudy was the instigator. Something about this huge, quiet mall sat your nerves on edge, however. You’d wandered to the old park on the far side of the QZ, and walked the streets at all hours of the night, but the sheer size of the mall, stepping inside, made you feel uneasy.

Despite this, it was also amazing.

Neon colours and bright lights illuminated the vast space. The stores themselves had long since been abandoned, rummaged through and almost destroyed. What seemed to be fake plants here and there provided a sense of life you didn’t often feel in the zone. You tried to picture the stores full, the place clean and busy.

Some stores, like Jane Norman, and Victoria’s Secret, still displayed clothes and shoes, and for some reason hadn’t been looted as well as the others, which were empty, storefront signs flickering, half-lit.

“Wait for it,” Rudy said, out of the blue. You frowned. Wait for what?

All of a sudden, music began playing quietly all over the mall, a little crackly but there. An upbeat song you’d never heard before, but loved instantly. The lights, the music, the stores…it was one thing to read old books where the characters went shopping, or had a girls trip. But to actually set food inside of the setting (albeit, very different from how they were originally written), was a strange feeling.

Your head snapped to Rudy. You were all smiles, and Rudy shoved you.

“Knew you’d like it,” he coyly brushed you off. “Come on! There’s something even better this way.”

The ‘something even better’ happened to be an escalator. You’d read about these moving staircases in books, but actually standing on one? Whole. Different. Experience.

“Hey!” Rudy called, laughing. “Look at me!” His long legs marched backwards on the escalator, which was rolling down to the floor below. Rudy remained in place, as if he were marching on air. You couldn’t help but laugh, and make your way down to the next floor by sliding down the escalator rails.

This floor had been used for restaurants and smaller stores. Rudy plumed ahead, nattering on about needing new shoes. You took your time exploring a bookstore. Some of them had rotted, full of brown mould, and were tipped face-down, pages bent. But the ones you saved, you shoved in your backpack. Only two, but more than you’d held in a while.

“I feel bad,” you told Rudy, kneeling, zipping up your backpack of new books.

He pocketed something you didn’t see. “Nobody’s gonna know. Like, ever. Take what you want. It’s your birthday.”

“I’m gonna use that explanation for the rest of my life,” you raised a brow. “It’s my birthday. Stealing is acceptable and excused.”

A plastic water bottle. A pair of socks. Books, jeans, and a sweater. Your shoulders ached with the weight in your pack.

Rudy had been quiet for a while, allowing you to explore. Now, he smiled excitedly, buzzing in place.

“And now, the finale,” he proclaimed dramatically, waving his arms. “This way, madam.”

You walked another floor. This far away, the music playing was almost inaudible.

At the end of the hallway, Rudy proudly beamed.

“Welcome to the carousel,” Rudy waved his hand. “Right this way, your ladyship.”

“No. Fucking. Way. Dude!”

All smiles, you approached the glowing amusement, shining in the dark. Horses painted with sashes of every colour sat at varying heights, lights reflecting in the mirrors.

“Your horse awaits.” Rudy climbed up onto the ride, pushing open the small door in the centre of it. He whacked something a few times, and the ride began to move, going around slowly. You hurried to join him.

“I’m afraid this is the final amusement,” he proclaimed dramatically, rolling his eyes. You couldn’t help giggling at him. “However, we have been here for two hours, and you have to be up for drill in thirty minutes. So!” He clapped his hands, and climbed the horse beside yours.

Music from so long ago, sweet and lyricless, played softly as the carousel turned. Your horses moved with the music, up and down gently. You closed your eyes, remembering this feeling of utter calm. Rudy at your side, the cold of the pole you held, and the jingling, old-worldly music. The warmth of the evening, and the knowledge that the two of you were completely alone.

The sudden jolt of the carousel almost sent you careening off your horse. Rudy exclaimed, and the carousel slowed to a stop, the music falling short. Rudy groaned, sliding of his horse.

“Awh, come on!”

A few whacks of the console later, the ride was done. Rudy came out sheepishly, shrugging. “I think we broke it.”

Despite the ride’s end, you couldn’t help smiling, climbing down. “I think you broke it. I’m not sure you’re supposed to hit electricals.”

“Whatever, loser. Wanna get going?”

As much as you enjoyed your night looting and exploring, you did need to get going. “Sure. Although I don’t appreciate having to do drill on no sleep.”

He scoffed, and then quietened. “But, did you enjoy your birthday surprise?”

He’d never admit that he was conscious of his actions. That wasn’t Rudy.

“Yeah,” you said. “Thank you, Rudy.”

You walked back the way you came. A couple of times, you thought you heard crashing, but when you mentioned this to Rudy, he shook his head.

“Just the ride breaking down,” he waved it off. “Let’s just get out of here.”

For somebody who swore the mall was safe, Rudy appeared to be on edge. He kept looking back after every noise, prompting you to walk faster.

“You’re gonna miss drill,” was his excuse.

The final time, you couldn’t deny the noise. Clicking, and groaning. An inhuman noise from just down the mall. Growing louder.

You blinked at him, fearfully. For a second, you swear your heart stopped.

Rudy had grown pale. His brown eyes looked black in his very white face. He gulped. “Don’t panic. We’re fine. We’re—”

It had been closer than you both thought it was. Out of the shadows, something snarled, and it burst forth, running at you with unnatural speed. It’s head was split open by the fungus you’d only seen pictures of, and it was more horrifying in person. Dried blood stuck to its clothes, and dribbled from its mouth. It shrieked and screeched as it stumbled towards you, and in a frantic hurry, you screamed.

Rudy snatched up your arm and yanked you along desperately. “Don’t try to fight it! Fucking run! Go!”

Your voices echoed, the sound of the infected screaming echoing with you. Your heart pumped viciously, throat and chest burning with exertion. FEDRA school provided the basics in saving your hide—doing the real thing happened to be much, much harder. You grasped your switchblade from your pocket, flipping it open.

The Infected caught your hair. Yanked you down.

Your chin smacked the floor, and pain radiated through your face. The deafening shriek it let out rang in your ears as harsh blows from its erratic hands pounded your head. All you could do was try to crawl away.

Rudy yelled, another weight added to the mix. You were released momentarily. You looked up; your switchblade lay halfway across from where you lay, breathing deeply. A little away from you, a sharp knife stuck out of the Infected’s neck, blood leaking out. Rudy fought with all his might, kicking, punching. You found your feet, trying to hurry and save Rudy, but it was like you were stuck in jelly, everything felt weird. Rudy howled in pain, the Infected screamed, and your knife lay in your hand once again.

With a strange determination, you ran over, grabbed the Infected by the shirt, and drove your blade into it with a fury that frightened you. Again and again, until it grew quiet and motionless.

All was quiet. The scuffle of your shoes, rounding the dead Infected, felt jarring.

Rudy was breathless. You were breathless.

“Oh shit. Holy fuck.”

Pure shock. Adrenaline ran through your veins, and your whole body shook. Rudy’s eyes didn’t meet your eyes. His whole face fell.

On the floor, they rested midway. You slowed down, and directed your eyes in the direction his were.

There, on your wrist, lay a bleeding wound in the shape of teeth. The sight made you woozy, forcing you to sit down before you fell down.

The despair hit quickly. “Oh, not today. Not my birthday.”

Rudy huffed a tearful laugh. “Any other day is fine?”

You wanted to pretend it didn’t hurt and walk out of here to the parade yard. Truthfully, the bite really fucking hurt. If you didn’t wrap it up soon, you’d bleed more than you liked.

“Are you okay?” You asked.

Rudy took a minute. Then he pulled up the too-big jacket, and revealed a similar bite on his wrist. The bone looked swollen and bruised, and bled profusely.

You moved over to your best friend, and together you warmed up, still shaking.

“I don’t want to be like that. I don’t—” he choked tearfully, dark eyes on the Infected. “I don’t want to be like that. End it. I’ll do the same. For you.”

As if Rudy predicted it, he declined first. The twitching a half hour or so after the accident. By now, your classmates would be asking around for you. Not long after the twitching did Rudy cry in pain. You couldn’t do it then.

Only when there was no sign of Rudy left, that was when you got on with it.

You really didn’t want to think about what would happen to you. Or rather, what wasn’t happening.

Hours passed, you’d stopped the bleeding, but nothing more had occurred. The skin around the bite had bruised, and turned puffy, but…you hadn’t changed. And it was well past the change time. So what the hell happened?

You decided to move. You couldn’t sit any longer with Rudy’s body, especially now there was a chance there was more than one Infected.

You shared a final look with Rudy, eyes closed like he was just fast asleep.

They caught you on your way out—Fireflies.

—

CHAPTER THREE

[ellies-enrichment]

that was the last we saw of her

i heard a rumor she’s living out her best days in Santa Barbara

[pjoneedstherapy]

Henry’s reason for doing what he did was because Sam got sick, SPECIFICALLY, he got leukemia, so he did it to get “a pill that would work that was very rare and FREDRA had it” except there wasn’t a cure for leukemia that came as a pill. At least not in 2003. The earliest case of Chemotherapy through a pill to treat Leukemia is in 2014, and the drug wasn’t developed or tested in Kansas City.

FEDRA was going to give Henry a bunch of useless pills or they would have killed him and Sam.

And the problem is that he’s so heart achingly good, and he believes in the goodness of other people. But, he’s really trusting, like way too trusting to do okay in this kind of environment. He lowered his weapons before making sure that Joel or Ellie didn’t have any on them, even though Joel was using his asshole voice. He tells his brother to go ahead and enter an unchecked room, because he trusts the guy he used to work with who said the tunnels were clear.

That lie wouldn’t have worked on just anyone. It specifically had to work on someone who hasn’t been targeted or hunted in recent memory. They needed to tell this lie to someone who had every reason to trust. I’d say Henry and Sam were in hiding for about 11 days. The rebellion probably retaliated the day of or the day after their leader was killed, and based on how few military vehicles there were and how little military equipment was being used, I’d say FEDRA didn’t have a big presence in the city and probably relied on fear (think Panopticon, link below). So it’s likely that a huge surge of rebels overpowered FEDRA in only a couple of days. Then Sam and Henry hid in the attic for 10 days before finding and joining with Joel.

So back to my original point, Henry has only been the enemy for 10-12 days and whatever pills they gave for Sam either caused a Placebo effect or they treated the symptoms he was having for a short period of time. During that time Sam wouldn’t have had to exert himself and was probably just dealing with tiredness as his main symptom. He was getting better, but he would have ultimately gotten so much worse if he hadn’t been bitten.

Sam was always going to die. He was never going to get better, he was a pawn for FEDRA to move around and even if he hadn’t gotten bitten Henry would have still been buried with guilt because he killed an amazing man and still couldn’t save his brother.

[psychedelic-ink]

𝐒𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐞 - 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐈𝐎𝐀𝐃𝐊

Pairing: FEDRA!Javier Peña x firefly!reader

Genre: slice of life, smut, romance, angst, enemies to reluctant friends to lovers, TLOU AU, minors dni

Summary: Javier, a former member of the Federal Disaster Response Agency in Kansas City, is haunted by the guilt and violence he indirectly caused by not taking action when he should have. After fleeing Kansas City in the aftermath of Kathleen's violent overthrow of FEDRA, you and Javier seek refuge in an abandoned train in the middle of a forest.

As you and Javier turn the train into a living space and learn to navigate the dangers of a post-apocalyptic world, you gradually overcome your differences and form an unlikely bond. But when your pasts catch up with you, you must confront the demons that haunt you and make a choice that could mean the difference between life and death. Will you choose to protect each other and find a way to build a new life together, or will the ghosts of your pasts tear you apart?

word count: 8.4k

chapter summary: you and javier go for a swim.

warnings: canon typical violence, no y/n, mentions of blood, nightmares, brief mentions of reader suffering from anxiety attacks pre outbreak, PTSD, more references to the main hbo tlou plot specifically episode 5, overall wholesome and full of fluff, mention of body hair, piv, vaginal fingering, dirty talking, biting, mild edging, one small mention of him threading his fingers through your hair but nothing else specified

a/n: it's all about communication, baby. It's a long one so get your warm drink of choice and settle in!

Semaphore - A signaling system used on railroads to communicate between trains and stations, typically using a system of flags or lights.

The cell was always so fucking cold. 

Javier hated being here, staring at the gray walls and reading that damn FEDRA sign over and over again all day long. He couldn’t help himself; it was right there within his eyesight. He wished it wasn't, that he could just rip it off and throw it in the corner.

YOUR RIGHTS WHILE IN DETENTION

YOU ARE ENTITLED TO:

LAWYER

MEDICAL ATTENTION 

FAMILY VISIT

FOOD

CLOTHING

Just a huge load of fucking bullshit. If you’re in here, you’re in here for one reason only: to give up names. Either that, or you never see the sight of daylight again. He took a sharp breath. With that, the man sitting across from him on the bench stiffened. A drop of water continuously dripped from the ceiling. Every time the sound echoed, the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. Javier preferred to be alone during interrogations.

A young man stood next to him. Unlike Javier, who was leaning against the cage, he stood fully upright and alert, rifle in hand. He glared daggers at the man sitting helplessly; his cheek was cut, and his right eye bruised. Javier wanted to place a hand on Adam’s shoulder and tell him to calm down, to let him know that this broken man was no threat to them. But he couldn't do that, not when he had to keep his mask on.

“What’s your name?” Javier asked the man, he scoffed in return. 

“You already know my name.” 

Javier sighed once again, and Adam narrowed his eyes. The newcomers were always like this: eager to put others in their place, eager for violence. FEDRA didn't teach them anything else, just how to take orders and to see the world in black and white. But that was another bullshit lie. Javier had told Carillo a million times that he didn't want anyone paired with him. Murphy was enough. However, like many things, his request was ignored.

There was just something starkly painful about seeing a nineteen- or eighteen year old so eager to kill.

I want to hear it from you," Javier spoke calmly as he pushed himself away from the fence and took a step closer. The man cowered back. "If you tell me what I want to hear, we won't hurt you.”

There was a moment of silence, followed by a meek whisper of a name: Martin. Javier swallowed, realizing that this man would probably give away all the information they asked for, if he had the information to give.

“Alright, Martin," Javier said, taking slow steps and kneeling in front of him. Adam was right behind him, standing and being as menacing as ever. "I need you to tell me who is a part of this..." Javier made air quotes with his fingers, causing Martin to flinch. "...'Resistance'."

“I don’t know anythin’ about that.” 

"Are you sure?" Javier asked with a raised eyebrow. "Not even a whisper?"

Javier heard Adam puffing up his chest and almost rolled his eyes. But he didn't look away; he kept his gaze fixed on Martin. He liked using silence as a tactic. He just stared, watching the other man sweat. It was clear to him that Martin was protecting someone. Javier could tell by the way Martin's tongue poked inwardly from one cheek to another; he was having trouble meeting Javier's gaze.

“You won’t be getting out of here,” he said, keeping his voice even. “If you don’t tell me who’s leading it.” 

"I can't," he murmured, looking down at Javier's knees. "I won't."

Shit. This wasn't good.

Adam shifted from one leg to another, fidgeting with his rifle. A chill settled at the base of Javier's spine.

"Fucking answer the question," Adam spat, pointing the rifle. "Or we'll blow your head off. Ungrateful shit."

The worst part of all this was that Javier couldn't stop Adam if he were to do something. Stopping him meant blowing his cover and revealing that he cared about these so-called "traitors." Javier hissed between clenched teeth and nearly gave Martin a pleading look.

Javier averted his gaze at the last second. And with a heave, he stood up, towering over the man. 

“Are you sure you’re not going to give us the name?” he asked one last time. “Any name.” 

Martin shook his head.

Javier wakes with a jolt. He hears something akin to a whimper. A cry. He slowly rises from his bed, his eyes moving toward the curtain that stretches in the middle of the car, making two sections. Their setup isn’t perfect yet, but the curtain accompanied by the beds gave a sense of home and belonging. He attempts to rub the sleep away from his eyes, his mind was still in a deep sleep, a fog slowing his thoughts and reason. 

Another whimper follows, and Javier's thighs quiver as he stands up. He reaches for the curtain, slowly pulling it aside.

There you are, crying in your sleep. Half of your face is tucked into the dirty pillow as your body contorts in the most unnatural ways. Javier's eyes follow the curves of your body: one knee nearly touching your chest while your other leg is straight like a stick, tense. Sweat makes your shirt cling to your skin. Moonlight trickles in from the freshly cleaned windows, giving you an almost ethereal glow.

Javier steps closer. This isn't the first time you've had a nightmare. And he's certain that you've also been awoken from sleep by his own night terrors. You probably wouldn’t believe him, but he hates seeing you like this. He can’t help but blame himself. He wonders how many more people were suffering due to the system he’s been a part of for so long. 

He takes a gentle seat on the bed, bringing your head to his lap, he makes himself comfortable. Again, this isn’t the first time he’d done this. 

Your whimpers and crying slowly subside, drifting into soft sniffles. Your tear streaks dry as you nuzzle your cheek into his thigh. He’s happy to see that this still works. You loosely wrap your arms around him, tugging him closer. Javier obliges shifting nearer. 

In a moment of impulse, he finds himself reaching out for the blanket that you had kicked away in your frenzied attempt to escape your nightmares. The seasonal shift worries him. They’re not ready for the cruel temperature drop yet. 

Javier pulls the blanket and you seem to melt at the warmth, your body becoming pliant over his lap. He adores seeing you like this. Your face softens, the tension that had hardened it dissolving.

Javier wants to hold you like this when you’re awake too. He thinks that you’d enjoy it, he never received any complaints about it before. His thumb moves down your cheek, he feels the scars he can’t see, and soon the pad of his thumb moves to your neck, your pulse thrumming under his touch. 

A deep inhale expands his lungs, he leans back. His head hits the glass with a thud. Javier licks his lips, his fingers start to twitch. He wants to smoke. 

By some miracle, he hadn’t touched a single cigarette all day, but that was only because he was going to be running out soon. What the hell was he supposed to do then? Chew on a straw? Like a cowboy?

He smiles at his own joke, his palm resting on your shoulder. He’s glad he’s not afraid of this. The apocalypse has made him a brave man. You’re probably more afraid of this attraction than he is. He can see it in your eyes; you hold his gaze for a beat too long, your hands lingering on his skin as if searching for something. He can’t help the boost of ego he gets from how you behave. He smiles every time he catches you but you miss it, turning your head away in a fit of panic.

A soft snore parts your lips and you bury your face deeper into his legs. Javier swallows, a thick knot in his throat as he feels his dick twitching under his zipper. 

He lets out another deep sigh. It’s going to be a long night. 

You find Javier outside, leaning against the train with a cigarette hanging between his lips. Holding your head, and still feeling a bit groggy, you join him. But instead of staying upright, you drop to the dirt, crossing your legs as you rest your back against the cool metal. 

“You saw a nightmare last night,” he says nonchalantly.

“Did I?” you ask, looking between the fence chain. “Sorry.” 

Your crinkle your nose when you inhale smoke instead of oxygen. Javier notices and tucks the hand holding the death stick between his waist and the train. It’s a chilly morning and you hug your coat tight around you. 

“I didn’t say that for you to apologize. I was trying to ask if you’re alright.” 

“Yeah, I didn’t really get that from what you said.” you answer, with a smile you rest the crown of your head against his knee. He stiffens, but other than that says nothing. “I don’t know. I don’t really remember what I saw if I’m being honest. Probably just a shit ton of death.” 

“That good old apocalypse classic.” Javier nods, bringing the cigarette to his lips. “Can’t live without it.” 

“So what’s the plan for today?” 

He shifts his weight from one foot to another, he slightly slides them forward, burying the soles further into the grass. Much similar to yours, the tips of his boots are worn out around the corners. It would be great to find some new ones. But wearing—taking someone else's boots isn’t easy. As if there isn’t enough death going around, you had to be reminded of it in every uncomfortable step. 

“I was thinking we go for a swim.” 

“A swim?” 

Javier laughs at the sound of your shock. His leg presses into your shoulder and you enjoy the heat, a small smile of your own blossoming. He crouches over, balancing himself by leaning against you. Your gaze is fixed ahead. If you look at him, you fear he might see right through you. He’s too observant not to hear your heartbeat. 

“Blue River isn’t that far off from where we are,” he explains. “Winter’s coming, it would be good to get clean thoroughly. And we should at least try to stock up on water too. I know rain and snow is an option but still, it wouldn’t hurt to be prepared.” 

“Guess not,” you murmur, looking up to the sky. 

“You have something against swimming? It’ll be fun. And, most importantly, distracting.” 

Your eyes widen, and your pulse skyrockets. He thought about this plan. He heard you crying in your sleep, woke up, went outside, and thought about something to do to cheer you up. You don’t remember the last time someone offered you their thoughtfulness. On your birthday, the third year you’d joined the fireflies, Amy had brought you a twinkie with a burning stick stabbed into it. And that was it. No one actually thought about your feelings. 

God, you missed it. 

It’s like a hug. A caress from the wind. The sun on your skin. It feels like breathing again. There’s no weight on your chest, because he’s helping you lift it. Someone fucking cares. A giggle bubbles up from your chest. Tears sting your eyes. Your head falls back against the train with a thud and you breathe out; fuck. You’re ridiculous. But Javier doesn’t seem to care. He’s just looking at you with those big brown puppy dog eyes, brows pinched in the middle. 

Heat coils in your stomach, searing, burning up your insides. 

“What do you suggest we swim in? Our underwear?” you tease without much thought. 

You don’t expect to see the mischief in his eyes, the hints of arousal splattered over dark irises like stars in the night sky. You swallow. He must’ve sensed it because he leans in, slowly, lips only an inch away from your parted ones. Javier takes a deep inhale, those same eyes you love, and hate, drop to your lips. 

You shudder. 

“Whatever the rebel is comfortable in,” he murmurs, tongue swiping over his bottom lip. “If you don’t want your panties getting wet, might be better to take them off.” 

The drop of his voice. The heat of his breath. Emotions spin wildly in your head, forcing you to be the one to take the metaphorical step back. Which is just you turning your head back to the fence. It doesn’t do much. You can still feel his breath fanning your cheek. It’s hard to hide the hitch of your breath, your chest rises up with the inhale you take, and, fuck, you just know he’s looking at your breasts. His gaze like a branding iron. 

“I think I’ll keep my panties on, thank you very much,” you manage to choke out, the tremble of your voice too noticeable to ignore. “But, hey, if you want to flash the clickers out there be my guest, handsome.” 

“Handsome?” 

Shitshitshit. 

You practically jump as you get up, and head inside the train. You hear him laugh, something dark and possessive lingering underneath. 

“Let’s just go!” you call out. “I don’t want to be outside the fence when the sun goes down.” 

Sex has been something you hadn’t allowed yourself to think about for a long time. 

But now, as you’re standing under a giant oak tree, your shirt on the ground and pants unbuttoned, you’re reminded of how enticing the mere thought of sex can be. Javier’s already in the water, head bobbing up and down with the waves with his hair slicked back. Before he went in, you got a good look at him—before the outbreak, you might’ve been shyer about it. Maybe you would’ve turned your gaze away with heated cheeks. You still had the latter going on, but you most certainly didn’t shy away with your obvious ogling. 

You might be dead the next day. No need to turn your sight away from something beautiful. 

And Javier is just that. The epitome of beauty. 

Javier stripping in front of you will forever be engraved in your mind; he shrugged off his plaided shirt and kicked off his pants, only leaving him in a black undershirt and his boxers. He was surprisingly lean and muscular, he wasn’t a big man, but he wasn’t quite the opposite either. You were surprised to see him jumping into the water with his undershirt, you tucked the question for a later conversation. 

He swims closer to you, resting his elbows above the soil. His gaze blatantly exploring your newly exposed skin. 

“So you ever plan on getting in, perla? Or are you planning on stealing my clothes and leaving me here?” 

A snort bubbles from the back of your throat. “You poor thing. That happened to you?” 

“Maybe,” he grins and pushes himself back enough so the back of his head is submerged in running water. “Just get in.” 

Finally, with a burst of unfounded courage, you kick off your boots and pants. The chill of the forest embraces your skin. With a pleasant tingle buzzing in your muscles, you walk ankle-deep into the water. You try not to think about your old bra, or your underwear that is scattered with small holes. You especially don’t think about the small hairs dusted above your legs and other patches of skin. 

You swallow. The knot in your throat makes it difficult. 

You wade further into the river, the cool water embracing your skin, as you turn to him with a hint of uncertainty in your voice. 'Perla?' you ask, and he responds with a fluid motion, gliding effortlessly above the water, following you. 

“It means pearl.” he answers, not giving much explanation. 

You drop yourself into the water, your head submerged along with your body. Your eyes are squeezed shut as you feel the water rushing around you. The river sings to you in a beautiful hum. Javier is moving somewhere in the water, you can sense his presence. You want to open your eyes, but sadly that is one of the skills you can’t seem to force yourself to gain. You wonder if the water is muddy or crystal clear. You like to think it’s the latter. 

You rise to the surface and take in a deep breath of fresh air. You wipe your eyes with the heels of your palm, ringing the excess water from your brows and lashes. 

“I know what perla means,” you murmur, blinking at him. “I was trying to ask why you called me that.” 

“Yeah, I didn’t really get that from what you said.” he grins, his answer a reminder of this morning. “To answer your question, I don’t really have a satisfying one. I just like pearls and it just came out. I won’t call you that if you don’t want me to.” 

Moving your feet, you move upright to face him. Water drops trickle down his sunkissed skin, rolling down his cheeks and down to his neck. Momentarily your eyes drop to his lips, only for you to pull them back up again. Meeting his gaze, you move closer, the heat of his skin plausible despite the cool water running between you two. 

“No, I like it.” you answer, you swear your heart nearly stops. “I was just curious.” 

You’re not sure if it’s the water or him, but he’s closer. Your pebbled nipples graze against his chest. You suck in a sharp breath. 

“When I was a kid, I didn’t have the toughest stomach. I would get sick from almost everything,” he explains. It’s hard to focus on his words when he’s so close. “My abuela— let her soul rest in peace— had these crazy remedies. She would use crushed pearls and mix it with honey or ginger, to make a weird paste thing. Then she would make me eat it. It tasted like shit but supposedly it was supposed to make my nausea go away.” 

“Did it?” you ask. Your eyes are wide with innocent, child-like, curiosity. Javier is a natural storyteller. It’s hard not to get sucked into the cadence of his voice. 

He shakes his head, laughing. You feel his breath on your cheeks and you lean in. Only a trickle of water moves between you two now. 

“It did not, obviously. But I believe it did. I still do. And no matter how bad it tasted and how much I complained…I still took my chances.” 

“So you decided to name me after a remedy that doesn’t work?” 

“No. I named you after a remedy that I believe works. And I’ll take it, every time.” 

In the quiet moment between blinks, the world seems to pause. Your eyelids, like two curtains, draw gently closed and then part again. His words heavy in the clear air. It's a fleeting moment, barely noticeable, and that’s when it happens. 

You feel his lips, warm and wet pressing against your mouth. It’s such a simple motion. A tender closeness. Nothing more, nothing less. You don’t even taste his tongue and he’s already pulling back. With a moment of panic, you chase him, capturing his lips once more in a more heated kiss. 

That’s when you feel his hands on your waist, pulling you closer underwater, your bodies swimming in unison. He inhales you. And you him. You don’t remember the last time you kissed someone or the last time you thought about it. You groan as his tongue cheats between your lips, your own hands white-knuckled as you hold onto his shoulders. 

Javier’s hands grab at your ass, kneading the soft flesh and tracing the crease between them with the tips of his fingers. Suddenly, he’s towering over you, pushing himself further above the waterline as he claims your lips again and again, sucking the air from your lungs and garnering you breathless. 

It's not you or him, not really, but rather the river that pushes you apart. A wave rises up, and crashes down. Water rushes into your mouth and nose, filling your lungs with a bitter, icy taste. You're forced back, coughing and gasping for air, as the wave pulls you away from each other. 

You move to the riverside, grasping at the slippery rocks. You wait for your breathing to return to normal. Javier’s hands are on your back in an instant, soothing you before they slip in front to rest on your stomach. His chest is flush against your back. You take a shaky inhale and let out a deep breath. 

“Are you alright?” he asks and you can barely hear him from the blood rush in your ears. 

“I’m fine.” you gasp. “You—You kissed me. Why?” 

You’re happy he can’t see your face. The question sounds so juvenile, so unimportant. What did it matter why he kissed you? He did and that was that, and you liked it. 

“Instinct. Felt like you needed a kiss.” 

You choke out a burst of laughter. Your eyes sting from, what you hope, the water of the river. “Asshole. Don’t try to make it seem like it was for my benefit.” 

“I’m willing to say it was for both our benefits.” 

“So, it was a one time thing then?” 

“Not if you don’t want it to be.” 

You turn around and his arms cage you in. You’re smiling. And it’s not the smile you make when you’re awkward, or angry, or sad—it’s genuine. You’re heart feels light and if the beat of it wasn’t steady, you would’ve thought it disappeared. It feels foreign. 

Javier rolls his hips, the outline of his cock leaving little to the imagination. It sends electricity up your spine, blinding, and mind-numbing. He’s grinning at you in a way a confident man does when he knows what he’s doing. His face dips into the hallow of your neck. Small, ticklish kisses are left upon your burning skin. With a shudder, your hands tug at the hem of his undershirt. 

“Why do you still have this on?” you whine, smiling against his lips. “Can I take it off?” 

He tenses under your palms and you stop. His lips are above your pulse, which makes it hard to differentiate the line between right and wrong. Your fingertips buzz with the need to touch and take. His tongue sneaks from between his lips and licks a line up the column, nipping at your jaw. 

“Would it kill the mood if I said no?” 

You retract your hands and your fingers smooth over the fabric, tugging it down. Your lips part with a soft whimper, arousal gushing between your legs and fading into the water. It wouldn’t kill the mood, no, not when you’re so worked up. But it does make you think. Maybe this isn’t the perfect way to go about this, whatever perfect means in this day and age. There’s still so much you don’t know about him. Your feelings are a whirlwind, threatening to throw you up into the sky and leave you to crash down into the earth. 

Your meek sounds of pleasure subside. Javier senses your hesitation. He peels himself unwillingly from your neck and stares fixes you with a leveled gaze. 

“You want to get out?” 

Entranced, you nod. Your heart beats in your throat, uncomfortable and larger than life itself.  

“Yeah,” you answer, a beat above a whisper. “That’s probably for the best.” 

“Understood.” 

There’s a deep stillness in his eyes. With a dry mouth, all you can do is parrot his answer back to him. 

“Understood.” 

“What do you miss the most?” 

The grass beneath you is soft and cool against your skin, the wind blows warm. A blessing considering the growing cold. The earth is comfortable against your back, a welcomed reprieve from the warmth of the sun above. You feel the trickle of water, your skin damp and pliant from the droplets that still cling to you.

The sun's gentle warmth kisses your skin, the light filtered through rustling leaves. The branches dance and tease, occasionally catching your gaze and tugging you away from the clouds overhead. You can’t help but smile. A memory reminiscent of the days you would do absolutely nothing. 

Javier's body lies perpendicular to yours, his face only a breath away. You feel the warmth radiating from his skin, his gaze looking up to the sky, and you wonder what the clouds remind him of. The sun caresses his skin, drying the water droplets that cling to him, much like it does to you.

“What do I miss,” he hums, thoughtful, eyes fluttering shut. “Having a purpose, I guess.” 

“A purpose?” 

A breathy chuckle escapes his lips. “It’s a bit silly I know, but before FEDRA, I was working in the DEA. My life was always hectic, but at least back then I could argue I was doing good. I was helping people. I liked thinking that I had a noble purpose in life. No matter what happened.” 

You turn your head to look at him, taking in his profile against the backdrop of the sky. He slowly opens his eyes, fixes them to the sky. A deep exhale leaves his lungs. 

“But now that I think about it, what I did wasn’t really noble back then either. I wish I spent more time with my family. It wouldn’t have been exciting, and I’d probably be bored out of my mind helping dad in the ranch, but at least I would’ve been happier.” 

You push your hand towards him and shudder at the way his knuckles brush against yours. Your fingers intertwine, his rough callouses fitting perfectly between the spaces of yours.

“What I’m hearing is you were an adrenaline junkie.” 

Your smile widens into a grin when he snorts. 

“Perhaps I was.” he muses. “What about you? What do you miss?” 

“I’m afraid my answer is less philosophical than yours,” What did you miss? You haven’t really thought about it, until now. Family and friends feel like an obvious answer. But you always felt lonely, even before the outbreak. You suffered from weird attacks you never got diagnosed, and when you attempted to explain them by calling them “something like a panic attack” you were always shut down, being told that if it was a panic attack, it would be far more serious. 

So, naturally, you closed up. Simmered in the heavy weight on your chest, crying with your hand between your legs, hoping someone one day would show up and close up the gap that you felt. You were so lonely.  But that person never came along, and then the world ended. 

“Cooking.” you answer, gauging his reaction. He squeezes your hand, thumb moving in circles on your skin. “Well, baking to be precise. I loved baking. Coffee—god, music, I miss music.” 

“Music,” he agrees. “I miss that too. Maybe if we find a guitar or something…” 

“You know how to play?” you perk up, a grin ready to take form. 

His laughter comes at the same time as the wind. The blends seamlessly with the rustling of leaves and the gentle sway of branches. It vibrates in your bones, as though his laughter is a part of the very fabric of nature itself.

“No, but I can learn. Some noise is better than none.” 

“Yeah,” you answer, seamlessly. “It is.” 

Javier was being followed. He walked past the broken-down toy shop, his steps now faster. He could feel the gaze that watched his every step. It was the crack of the morning, which was the only time he and Micheal could meet. Everything was becoming a mess of badly executed plans with feeling motifs. Every nerve felt like a live wire. It was hard sneaking around. Especially when you lived in a time where even the walls had eyes. 

“Peña!”

Javier jumped and turned, gun pointing at whoever was behind him. He saw the sight of familiar green eyes, then let out a breath. 

“Adam?” putting his gun back, he cocked an eyebrow. “What the hell are you following me for?” 

“I wasn’t following you,” he answered, almost offended. “I was looking for you. Murph brought in a lead we might be able to use and Carillo wanted me to let you know.” 

Javier nodded, ignoring the younger man’s curiosity-filled gaze. When they started to move, much to his annoyance, Adam began to voice out his rather loud thoughts. 

“What are you doing here anyway? You weren’t posted here, you were meant to patrol the east side.” 

“Felt like a walk,” he grunted. “And I don’t answer to you, pendejo.” 

Javier and Adam walked in silence as they made their way toward the Fedra headquarters. The old building was barely holding up, with paint peeling off the walls and cracks running through the ceiling. The air inside was stale and smelled of musty old books, a reminder of the once-functioning library that the Fedra headquarters used to be.

They were greeted by Carillo and Murphy, who led them to the interrogation room. A string of curses raised all the way up to the tip of his tongue. On the other side of the glass, a man was sitting down, someone he recognize very vaguely. The man was young-ish, with curly black hair and a mustache supported by a messily shaved beard. His leg bobbed up and down nervously as he waited.

Carillo grinned as he gestured towards the glass. "This is Henry. Apparently, he's willing to give us information in exchange for medicine for his younger brother."

“Is that so,” Javier answered, his gaze never leaving Henry. “And what information might that be?”

The room was small and cramped, with peeling wallpaper and a flickering lightbulb. Javier noticed a small crack in the wall that seemed to grow wider with each passing moment. He couldn't help but feel a sense of unease in this dilapidated building, with its creaking floors and musty air.

“The leader of the resistance. He’s going to help us catch him.” 

The corner of Javier’s lips twitched as he forced a smile. He could barely contain the heave of his chest, the fast-paced breaths he so desperately wanted to let out. 

His mind raced. Everything was about to get a hell of a lot worse. 

Your eyes are wide open, your body stiff and alert. 

It’s been a while since you and Javier decided to go to bed. Moonlight filtered through the windows, long shadows of leaves moving across the ceiling of the train. You breathe slowly; one breath in, a long breath out. You hear him. He’s mumbling something in his sleep, moving, thrashing over his bed, the springs squeaking under his weight. 

On nights like this, you try to ignore it. But it’s different this time. Memories of earlier today flood your mind; him kissing you in the river, his length pressed against the softness of your stomach, his lust-blown pupils. Then there was the moment where you laid on the grass, talking for hours with your fingers interlaced until you had to leave. You don’t have it in you to abandon him. For him to fend off the nightmares alone. 

Just hearing the sounds he makes…so full of pain, raw and emotional— there’s no way you can go back to sleep. 

Heading to his side of the car, you silently watch him. Again, he’s wearing his black undershirt and a pair of boxers. He’s laying on his stomach, one leg outstretched and one curled to the side. One hand is on the pillow whilst the other is balled into a tight fist, touching his lips. A choked whimper comes from the back of his throat. 

“Javier,” you call out, taking a step forward. “Javier wake up.” 

He doesn’t. So you try again. This time you reach out, the heat of your palm pressing into the slope of his shoulder. Honestly, you should’ve known better than to touch someone who’s buried deep in a nightmare. Especially in this day and age. 

“Jav—” 

Your reaction is close to none when you find yourself thrown to the bed, a sharp blade at your neck, drawing the smallest amount of blood. You breathe steadily. His fingers have your wrist in an iron grip, and the look in his eyes— deranged, still wet from the mirages of his past. The physical outburst isn’t enough to phase you, but the look in his eyes surely is. 

“It’s me,” you whisper, careful not to touch him. His jaw is locked, nostrils flaring with heavy breaths. “You were seeing a nightmare. It’s okay. Nothing’s wrong. It’s just you and me—Perla, remember?” 

“Perla,” he repeats slowly, lips remaining parted as he stares down at you. “Mi Perla.” 

The silence stretches between you two. Both of your heartbeats echo loud between the metal walls. Blood continues to trickle down your neck, staining the worn out sheets. His eyes drop to the wound, the small cut, and as if scorched, he throws the knife. It crashes to the floor with a loud clatter. The sound makes you jerk, a moment of fear evident enough for him to see. 

“Sorry.” he blurts out. “Fuck—shit—I…I didn’t mean to. Force of habit.” he shakes his head, his entire body trembling. “Are you okay? I didn’t—Why did you—” 

You raise your hand and his mumbling fades away. Your fingers hover an inch away from his face, you can almost feel the heat, the sweat that gathered in his pores. You give him a pleading look. 

“Can I?” Can I touch you?

He chokes out, “Yes.” Please do.

You rest your hand against his cheek. Just as you expected, his skin is damp. Your thumb rests right under his eye and you caress the soft skin. You’re surprised that he leans into your touch, seeking more of the comfort you promise to provide. You close your eyes and sigh.  You allow your hand to slide to his neck, smoothing out the nooks and crannies in his shoulder.

Javier groans as he dips down, you feel his lips on your neck, tongue darting to clean the blood. A whimper escapes you when he tenderly kisses the wound, his mouth moving slowly, gradually. Like he’s kissing your mouth. Heat coils in your stomach. Arousal pools between your legs. You play with the short hairs that are mussed against the back of his neck. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” you ask, breathless. 

He shakes his head, his voice stern. “No.” 

So you don’t. 

Javier crashes into you, breathing you in. It’s desperate, needy, and fearful. In fear of what—you’re not sure, but you have some guesses. 

You throw away your shirt and in a fit, you kick off your sweatpants. Even those brief moments of being a part are too much for you to handle, you drink him in like you would a fine wine. Your lips crashing into his again and again. 

You moan into his mouth and he swallows them all. Sucking your tongue between his teeth, he nips the soft muscle and squeezes your hips, grinding himself against your clothed sex. Your fingers trace the fabric of his shirt, tugging, but not attempting to remove it. He licks your bottom lip before breaking away from you, he sits back on his knees. 

“Sorry,” he says. “You must think I’m trying to be all mysterious. I swear I’m not.” 

“I wasn’t thinking that. You don’t have to remove it if you don’t want to,” your eyes drop to his crotch, a grin tugging at your lips as you witness the bulge. You drag your foot up his thigh. He shudders. “All we need is down here.” 

“Aren’t you charming,” his tongue thoughtfully moves over his bottom lip. You sigh as you remember how it felt against your own. “Just promise me you won’t ask any questions. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t even want to think about it.” 

You make a cross over your heart and raise your hand, he chuckles. 

“Alright then.” 

You’re ashamed to admit it, but you’re acting a bit like you’re in heat. He slowly peels the fabric off and your hands immediately find a spot on his waist. Your mouth waters at the exposed skin. You smooth your palms over his stomach, your lips pursing to leave kiss after kiss over his torso. 

You notice it as you start leaning over. Your eyes drawn to the massive white scar that runs from Javier’s heart all the way down to his Adonis belt. It stands out starkly against his tanned skin. Your breath catches in your throat. The veins in your temples throb loudly in your ears. With a dry mouth, you look up to him and he sees the questions in your eyes. 

“You promised.” 

Fuck, you did but you’re regretting it now.

You’re used to small scars, a bullet wound, or two. Everyone has them, including you. But you’ve never seen a scar this big. It’s death carved into his skin. Your mind races and he fixes you a steady gaze. This cut wasn’t from Kathleen and the resistance, so it must’ve happened before that. But what on earth would leave a scar so big? And how the hell did he survive it? 

Your cheeks feeling unbearably warm, you finally tear your gaze away. You feel his fingers thread through your hair, and they slowly move down to your shoulder, an ache for skin on skin contact. 

You dip down, press your lips above the end of his scar, you feel the dip of his adonis through your mouth. Javier inhales deeply and sharply. Ignoring the heaving of his chest, you dart your tongue out and lick a steady line, following the traces of the closed wound. His nails bite into your scalp, his hips stutter forward, the outline of his cock caught against the curve of your shoulder. 

Words die on your tongue. You want to say something, you’re just not sure what. If you apologized, expressed grief for his past, he would think of it as pity. If you asked about it, he’d say you’ve broken your promise. 

So you thank him instead. 

Javier enjoys that. He pushes his hands between the crease of your underarms and pulls you up, kissing you breathless. He squeezes the meat of your ass and pins you against him. You whine into his mouth. With a grin, he bites your bottom lip and tugs it between his teeth. 

“I want to taste you.” 

“Fuck, Javi,” your eyes roll back and you shudder. Your underwear sticks uncomfortably to your pussy, and it pains you that you’re shaking your head. “As much as I want that…I need your cock.” 

Javier cups your mound, fingers digging into your clothed folds. You gasp when the rough fabric brushes against your clit. You brace yourself by holding his shoulder and pressing your lips into his neck. 

“You’re so wet, shit, baby.” he groans as he grinds his hips, you whimper. “How are you this worked up already? When was the last time you’ve been with someone?” 

Your sudden hesitation to answer earns you an understanding gaze from him. Javier pulls back slightly, the movements of his fingers more gentle. 

“It’s been long,” you whisper and look away. 

“How long?”

“None after the outbreak and even before that...two years.”

He snorts and you fix him a not so serious glare. 

“Don’t pity me. It’s not all bad. I learned how to get rather creative when masturbating.”

“I’m sure you have,” he answers, staring at your darkly. “Can’t wait to see it.”

Javier drags his nose up your neck, you’re positive he can hear how excited you are. Like your heart is about to stop. 

“Say it again,” he grunts. “Tell me how bad you want my cock.” 

You sigh. “So bad.” 

“Mi Perla…I thought you learned how to get creative.” 

He sinks his teeth into your neck and you cry out, your entire body quivering as he holds you upright. He’s quick to lap at the teeth marks, lowering his head, he pushes you back so he can swirl his tongue over your peaked nipple. Arousal gushes between your legs. Your nails digging into his shoulders. 

“Please,” you whisper. “Please, fuck me Javier. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything more in my life. I want you to fill me up with that big cock of yours, fucking me into submission—” 

The last addition stumbled out of your lips, stunning you into sudden silence. You awkwardly stare up at the ceiling, shadows of trees moving and mocking you. Heat spreads under your skin. You don’t realize how tense you are until Javier nips the swell of your breasts, bringing you back to him. His fingers pull at your chin and you find yourself looking into his big brown eyes. 

Your eyes drop to the curve of his lips, and you stop breathing. 

“Fuck you into submission hmm?” he taunts, his pupils blown wide. “Looks like the little firefly is tired of being a hardened criminal.” 

“Shuddup,” you pout, averting your gaze. “Don’t read much into it. I said it in the heat of the moment.” 

“Sure you did, sweetheart.” 

Javier hooks his fingers into your thighs and suddenly you’re falling back down, the old bed creaking with protest. Before you can say anything, his weight presses into you like a heavy blanket. You moan at the heat, the feel of his skin against yours. His lips latch onto a nipple and you spread your legs wide for him, the soft ache in your thighs making your cunt drip. 

“Let’s see if you’re ready to take my big cock,” he rasps, fingers moving to slide your sticky panties to the side. “You want my fingers, baby?” 

You nod and he clicks his tongue with disapproval. 

“If you want me to fuck you into submission, you gotta use your words.” 

You finally snap.

“God, yes. I want your fingers. How many times am I going to have to say it? I want you, Javier. I’m going to explode if you don’t fuck me soon.” 

He grins at your frustration. Two thick fingers slide up between your wet folds, circling your clit. You gasp, teary eyes fluttering shut. His lips touch one, then the other. Then you feel him on your cheeks, nose, neck. You tremble. 

“Don’t tempt me.” 

Two of his fingers sink into your heat without warning, your head falls back with a moan, your legs tight around his frame. Shit, it feels good. Of course he’s good at fingering, god forbid Javier Peña is bad at anything. Your breathing becomes fast paced, your heart beating a mile in your chest. Scissoring his fingers, Javier nips at your chin. Heat coils tight in your stomach. You whimper his name, not knowing what else to do. One part of you is afraid. If you’re feeling this unbridled with just his fingers, what the hell is going to happen to you when he gives you his cock? 

Your fear goes unnoticed by him. He curls his fingers, applies pressure right where you need him. His eyes follow your every expression. You can feel it. Licking your lips, you raise your hips to meet the thrust of his fingers, Javier hums his approval and fucks them deeper. His knuckles brush your aching clit and you scream out, your fingers grabbing his wrist. 

“Too much?” he asks, but his tone lacks any actual remorse. He sounds pleased. 

Asshole. 

“Javi,” your breath hitches and you push yourself off the bed, pressing your lips right where his scar starts. Above his heart. “I need you.” 

The growl Javier lets out reverberates through his chest, sending tremors through the air and into your bones. It’s a visceral sound, primal and raw. Your lips follow the outline of his jaw. He acts like a beast, nuzzling towards your lips and grinding his molars together. 

He pulls out his fingers, a whine ripping from your throat at the sudden emptiness. His mouth brushes the shell of your ear.

“Good thing about being in an abandoned train,” he says, warm breath fanning your damp skin. You shiver. “You can be as loud as you want to.” 

Javier’s hand comes up to your chest and he pushes you back down. Your breath catches in your throat as he looks down at his cock and spits. He wraps a hand around himself, meeting your gaze as he strokes his cock. You hold your breath as he comes closer, every nerve alive and burning.  The head of his cock sinks into your heat, and you both let out a long, breathless moan. 

“Fuuuuuuuck,” you groan, head falling back. “Fuck, that feels good. Holy shit–”   

“It does,” he hums, capturing your lips and speaking between moments of exchanged breaths. “And this is only the tip, querida.” 

With every inch being buried, you feel your body sinking further into the bed. You feel like lead. Pleasure skims your skin. With shallow thrusts, he works you open, stretching you wide. He nips at your collarbone, the sensitive skin tucked between his teeth, he pushes further until he’s flushed against you. 

You’re shaking, your hips frantically trembling and jerking. Javier waits for you to adjust to his size. He’s incredibly deep. So deep that saliva floods your mouth, a bit of spit trailing down the corner of your lips as you cry out. He flexes his cock, and more slick trickles down your thighs. Your hands frantically pull him closer, as if he wasn’t already flushed against your chest, but he obliges, allowing his weight to fully cave down on you. 

“I’m here,” he mutters. You don’t expect the sudden sting of tears filling your lash line. “We’re both alive. We’re both okay.” 

Your walls flutter around him, and he lets out a sharp breath. Meeting his gaze, you blink. 

A sudden guilt consumes you. You should be the one consoling him. He’s the one that was woken up from a nightmare. It should be you saying those things. Not the other way around. But Javier doesn’t seem to mind. He squeezes your hip and pushes himself upright. 

“Can I move?” 

“Please.” 

He slowly rolls his hips, watching his cock disappear into your quivering cunt with heavy lids, a white ring at the thick base. When your hands aimlessly attempt to grab at him, he takes a hold of your wrists, using your arms as a leash. 

“Messy girl,” he huffs, grinding deeper into you. Your eyes roll back. “You’re taking me so well, baby. You’re so fucking wet for me, I love it.” 

A fire builds in your core, slick sounds flooding the small space. Pulling out almost all the way, Javier slams back into you, emptying the air from your lungs. His pace becomes more frantic and desperate with every thrust. Your arms ache as he yanks your body to meet the flush of his hips. The wry hairs at the base of his cock sending jolts up your body, your clit aching from the rough drag of it. You cry out his name, over and over, repeating it like a chant. His cock throbs at the squeak of your voice. Javier buries himself completely inside, grinding himself impossibly deep, stroking the sensitive spot inside. 

You’re not going to last, and if the shallow stuttering of his hips is any indication, Javier isn’t going to last either. You dig your nails into your sweaty palms. His fingers still tight around your throbbing wrists. 

“Kiss me,” you beg with a choked moan. 

And he does. Breathlessly. Again and again. The lack of oxygen makes your head spin. His lips are so soft, so tender. He licks into your mouth, sucks on your tongue. He lets go of your wrists and cups your breasts, rolling the peaked flesh with his thumbs. Your orgasm crests over you like a tide, your chest stammers, your breath catching in your throat. Your muscles go stiff, and then relax again. His cock twitches as you gush around him, slick pouring between your legs and wetting the mattress underneath. 

With clenched teeth, your body arches into him and you bear your neck. He bites into the offered flesh, blossoms of pain making your walls clench around him. Javier moans, laps at your salty skin, groaning, his hips jerk—deeper and deeper—until he becomes still. 

Your entire body is lit aflame as he spills into you. Instinctively, your hands cover your face, soft whimpers seeping into the heat of your palms. His cock pulses, and your muscles tense as you milk him for every last drop, your cunt clenching and fluttering around him. 

Javier smooths his lips over your knuckles, kissing the back of your hands as you slowly come down from your high. Breathing heavily, you allow your arms to go limp and fall. His eyes flit between your lips and eyes, he dips down to claim your mouth in a less draining kiss. 

“That was great,” he breathes into your mouth. “How are you feeling, perla?” 

“Like a hundred bucks,” you answer, grinning. “I forgot how good sex can be.” 

Your smile falters when he pulls out. Now that the heat of your orgasm is fading, you’re not sure what to do. Your body feels nice and limp, and god, you do not want to move. 

His seed trickles down your folds and you let out a soft gasp, your pussy fluttering. Javier seems to enjoy that, he grins and spreads your legs. 

“Bonita.” he purrs, dipping his thumb into the mess. Your head falls. “I’ll get you cleaned up in the morning.” 

“I’ll take care of it,” you answer, making a show of getting up. Javier frowns and wraps his fingers around your ankle, it’s not a tight grip, he’s just holding you. Your gaze drops. “I’ll see you in the morning.” 

“You can sleep here,” he drags the pads of his fingers up your legs and you shudder. “With me.” 

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to bother you.” 

“Believe me,” he says, voice dipping. “This is no bother.” 

[thundergrace]

Guess I'm officially the president of the Marlene Defense Squad. Y'all be having defense squads for beloved characters and don't ever even have to block people. Weak. Imma actually have to fight.

[messrmoonyy]

Heeyyy

Could we get some Tess fluff like her getting home after a rough day to the reader just sitting on the couch with open arms ready to listen to whatever is bothering her?

I worship Tess with everyone bone in my body istg

It's gotten out of hand

Past and present

Tess Servopoulos x Fem!reader

A/N- After hearing about Tess and her backstory on the official podcast I could have cried. And then I clearly had it in my head because it ended up winding it’s way into this. It’s a little shorter than my others. Also this did end up being kinda angsty and I didn’t really intend it to be it just happened 💀 it’s still fluff. Sorta. Hurt comfort. So if this isn’t what you wanted pls send me something else and I’ll happily write something new.

Warnings- hurt comfort, mentions of child death.

Word count- 2.7k

Masterlist- Tess requests are currently open

Reblogs and comments are always appreciated <3

It was late when you heard the sound of keys unlocking the front door, Tess walking into the room and sighing as she closed the door behind her. She looked exhausted. The bags under her eyes a little more prominent than normal, her shoulders not as strong and square but slouched.

“ hey “ she said, dropping her keys onto the little table by the door and ridding herself of her jacket, toeing off her boots. She eyed a half empty glass of whiskey that was still sat on the kitchen table from the night before, debating it for a moment before shrugging and knocking the contents back.

You placed down the list of new stock from Bill and Frank you’d been going through, opening your arms and beckoning her over. She made her way over immediately and you welcomed her into your open arms.

“ hey you “ you said softly, squeezing her in a hug that she melted into, her body practically slumping against your own “ busy day? “

“ so busy “ she mumbled, hiding her face in your neck and inhaling deeply. You had to admit you loved when she came home in one of those moods, tired and clingy and soft. She was so very rarely vulnerable to you, to anyone. But you were the lucky one that was granted the chance to see her like that. Not scary and strong. Soft and quiet.

It almost made you remember the way she’d been when you’d first met, a woman just as terrified as you sitting in a triage bay waiting to be assigned to a QZ. The woman that had offered you a drink of her water, had held your hand when you’d cried as you realised how unbelievably alone you felt in the world. The woman that had not left your side since.

“ do you want to talk about it? “ She lifted her head from where it had been nestled in the crook of your neck, and she shook her head slightly. She cupped your face so delicately in her hand, as if you were made of fine China and she might break you at any moment. She brushed her thumb across your cheekbone, eyes refusing to look directly at yours and instead lingering on your lips “ Tess- “

She leaned in to kiss you, effectively swallowing anymore probing questions you would attempt to ask her for a few moments. You kissed her back, knowing that pushing her was never the way to make her talk. It would only make her shut herself off and block you out.

And you were never going to turn down the chance to kiss her. The whiskey she’d drank only moments before lingered on her lips, intoxicating in more ways than one.

“ are you feeling better? “ she asked, pulling the topic of conversation away from her, her voice quiet and soft as she pulled away. It was a voice that no one else heard but you. Not even Joel. It was the voice that still rang in your ears from that triage bay the voice that told you you’d be okay. That she wouldn’t leave you.

“ yeah don’t worry I’m not dying anytime soon “ you said in some attempt at lightening her mood.

“ dying “ she scoffed, one of fingers gently twisting a lock of your hair around her finger absentmindedly “ I told you not to try and out drink Joel. Even I can’t fucking out drink him and I’m not a lightweight like you “

“ I’m not a lightweight “ she scoffed again because it was stupid. You were a total light weight. A child could probably drink you under the table. Though Tess had always joked that at least it meant your stash of alcohol lasted longer.

She’d worked late the night before. So without her there to keep you occupied, you’d gone right next door in attempts to piss off Joel. Which had just ended up being you and him drinking until Tess had come home. She had had to quite literally carry you back home again.

So you’d spent the majority of the day on the couch sleeping off a hangover.

“ just be happy he didn’t have me on the fuckin oxy “ you mumbled.

“ after last time? that was your own fault. You’re too curious “ again. She was right. You’d just wanted to see what all the damn fuss was about. You regretted that too.

“ whatever “ Tess smiled and nudged her fingers under your chin so you’d look at her.

“ don’t get grumpy. I had a hard day I don’t deserve you being fuckin grumpy “ she teased, kissing you again which instantly wiped the frown from your face. But she was handing you an opportunity to make her talk. So you took it.

“ what happened? “ you asked, pushing at the bandana in her hair to take it off and gently pulling off her hair tie. Already sensing the headache brewing behind her temples and attempting to ease it before it started.

“ just… busy. It’s fine “ you ran your fingers through her hair, watching as she closed her eyes for a moment and sighed. You knew immediately she was lying. That she wasn’t telling you the whole truth. You had known her too long.

“ wanna talk about it? “ you asked again, she seemed to hesitate, unsure of what she actually wanted to say. You wracked your brains on what could be affecting her so much.

She was exhausted that was clear, so whatever it was had clearly affected her more because her battery was running low. You saw her go through the same cycle every few months. Working herself until she was burning fumes, no ounce of energy left in her and she’d crash “ how many assignments did you pick up today? “ you asked when she didn’t answer you.

“ 3 “ you sighed and shuffled to lay down, pulling her with you in some attempt to make her rest up a little. She lay her head on your chest in a way she so rarely did. Proving exactly how tired and drained she truly was.

“ Tess we’re not that desperate for cards “ you really weren’t. In fact you had far more than the average person in the QZ. And you’d be practically drowning in them by next week, your bi monthly pill drop off to the many FEDRA officers who bought from the black market. You could always get nearly triple payments l from the FEDRA officers. They were more desperate to knock themselves out with some pills than most. And every 2 months was enough time to leave them without any for a couple weeks usually, so they were always desperate for a stock up.

“ I didn’t have much choice. Flu is knocking people down all over the zone, they’re short on people. It wasn’t so much offering to take the assignments, but not so subtly being shoved forward to do them “

You tried to think about what could have dampened her mood so much. There was something she wasn’t telling you. Yeah, 3 assignments would tire the shit out of anyone. But something was niggling at your brain that she was hiding something else. Something that was making her so quiet and clingy, making her seek affection from you.

“ which assignments? “

“ truck unloading, street sweeping “ that was 2

“ and? “ she hesitated and you felt her let out a shaky breath. What the fuck had gone on? What had she seen “ Tess you’re freaking me out “ she reached up to hold your face again, nudging her nose against your jaw like some kind of sleepy cat.

“ I’m sorry baby I didn’t mean to “ she was distracting you away from the topic again, throwing in the pet name in some attempt to make you melt and not probe her anymore. But you knew her tricks too well.

“ what was your other assignment Tess?” She sighed again, her hand dropping from your face.

“ I was on body disposal “ you never signed up for that job, neither of you. Both unable to bring yourselves to be able to just toss people into the fire pit like they were nothing. You two were no strangers to death. No strangers to causing it either. But killing scumbags because they screwed you over wasn’t the same as innocent people who simply had gotten infected.

You both often made jokes about how stupid you had to be to let yourself get infected. But it didn’t mean you wanted to toss their corpse on an open flame and leave them there. And it wasn’t even just infected they sent to the fire pits. It was the executed. Half the time people that had been sentenced to hang for something as stupid as missing curfew.

“ you don’t usually take that job “

“ I had no choice. I told you. Half the zone is down with flu they weren’t giving us a choice, just assigning us “ your arms snaked around her more, holding her tightly in some hopes of easing her distress. No wonder she had been so tense. So drained. No one in their right mind would be able to simply return home as happy as ever after doing that all day.

“ what did you see? “ you didn’t really want to ask. But you knew if she didn’t get it out it would sit with her for days. And a momentary painful reminder of her day was better than holding onto it for days. It was no surprise to you when she didn’t answer right away “ Tess? “

“ little boy “ she said quietly “ not- not infected. They only cover the infected faces and- fuck “ it made your stomach churn. If not infected, executed “ I’m a shitty fucking person but killing kids? Fucking bastards “

“ oh Tess “ you cradled her head against you and pressed a kiss to her head. You were both shitty people. You had done shitty things. But a child… putting a child in front of a fording squad. Or making them stand in n the gallows. What could a child have possibly done to deserve such a thing.

“ but the worst part? He looked… he looked just like- “ she couldn’t finish her sentence but you understood. And all the pieces fell into place. Why she was so distressed and drained. Why she had avoided it at first. Why she didn’t want to talk about it.

Only a few months ago she had spilled information about her past to you. You both had some mutual agreement that you didn’t discuss the old world. No mentions of past. Or family. Or pre outbreak lives. It was a topic that was completely off limits. Had been since day one. She had never asked you about your family, or why you had ended up in that triage bay alone. And you had never asked her.

But you had both gotten drunk and instead of it sending you down the usual route, of either knocking you both out or just making you incredibly eager to fuck, it had sent you down into a spiralling upset. You’d sat on the floor for hours, sharing a bottle and unintentionally spilling information about your old life’s.

Tess had given quite the bombshell. Something you hadn’t expected at all. Knowledge of an infected ex husband that she had put a bullet through the head of. A son. A son that was still locked in a basement somewhere in Michigan because she couldn’t bring herself to kill him. Fleeing her home town and somehow ending up in the same facility as you.

A disgusting and evil chain of events that had lead to fate placing you both in the same place at the same time.

It was almost the world being it’s usual viciously cruel self by having her reveal that dark and buried piece of information in such recent times, to then only put her in that situation on assignment.

“ do you think- “

“ no. It wasn’t… wasn’t him. Just looked-“ she sighed again, pinching the bridge of her nose in a way you knew was to stop herself from crying. You could count on one hand the amount of time you’d seen her cry over the years. But you wouldn’t blame her for crying in that moment. You almost wanted to cry too. To cry for her. Because she didn’t deserve to be in so much agony, not Tess. Not your Tess.

You placed a gentle hand to her cheek, trying to understand how you were even supposed to comfort her with something like that. Most things in the current world that hurt, you could relate with her on. But losing a child like that? You couldn’t even begin to understand it. And even though so many years had passed her by, you knew it must hurt as badly as it had done only minutes after.

“ will you take the day off tomorrow “ you asked her quietly “ please. You’re in no right mind to work “ usually so stubborn, you expected her to decline. To say she was fine and be up at the crack of dawn to work. But she nodded. Whispering out a yes “ and don’t. Don’t think about it anymore. You’re good at shutting shit out. So shut it out “ it felt a little harsh. A little too lacking in care. But Tess didn’t want pity. She never did. And you would never belittle her enough to give it to her. Tough love was what worked “ don’t let those FEDRA fucks get into your head and drag you down because they can’t do their own shitty fucking jobs “

She had her face pressed into your neck again and you could feel her shaking breaths against your skin, could feel how tightly she had her eyes clenched shut. Desperately trying not to completely breakdown.

You let her be for a few minutes, running your hand through her dark hair. It was one of the very few things that soothed her. Letting her mourn someone you didn’t even know the name of. Let her mourn someone that she had left behind so long ago.

“ do we have any pills? “ she asked, after a while, raising her head. Seeking the most sure fire way to knock herself out from the world and fall into a dreamless sleep. You both didn’t tend to dabble in pills. Joel was all for them, the man knocked them back multiple times a week. But you two saved them for the truly worst occasions. The nights the harsh realities of the world invaded your brains and you needed to lock them away again.

“ yeah, I got it. Get into bed. You need to rest “ you patted her arm gently and she got up. You pressed a kiss to her head as you passed her, running a hand over her hair. She squeezed your arm gently and got up to head for bed.

You made quick work of pulling up the floorboards and pulling out the small tin of pills you kept for yourselves, plucking one out before replacing the board. You grabbed her a glass of water and headed back over to her. Not wanting to leave her on her own for too long.

“ here “ you said softly, handing her the pill and the water. She swallowed, grimacing slightly at the taste before letting her head heavily fall against her pillow. You climbed into bed behind her, sliding a hand around her waist and tangling your legs with hers. You held her as close as you could, pressing a gentle kiss to her shoulder.

She curled into your embrace holding her hand over yours and intertwining your fingers. She rarely craved so much affection all at once, intentionally starving herself of touch seemingly with some deep rooted fear of getting too attached. Of losing you too. No matter how many times you told her you wouldn’t leave her side. Ever.

It didn’t take long for the pill to take its effect, her breathing evening out and muscles finally relaxing. You held her a little tighter, hoping it would somehow keep any nightmares that may attempt to infiltrate her sleep at bay.

“ I love you “ you whispered against her neck, knowing she couldn’t hear you but saying it anyway. Because you did. And she knew. No matter her past.

[twd-obsessed-bitch]

Thinking about the horrified look on the soldiers face when the mycologyst said to bomb the city and everyone in it. Thinking about the lady soldier in the first episode who was so heartbreakingly kind to that infected kid. Thinking about how in the games all forms of the military are shown to be emotionless and lacking humanity which makes it easier to kill them. Thinking about how they are shown to be human. Be kind. Be scared. Thinking so many fucking thoughts.

[k-i-l-l-e-r-b-e-e-6-9]